swingingbothdirections

[swingingbothdirections]

Hi all, 

We’re starting a gender neutral series of sex ed guides complete with photos and links for further information. Keep an eye out!

- Leia, Ruberry & Scone

[swingingbothdirections]

UK BiCon

Hi all!

If anyone is interested in coming to a UK bisexual community gathering in 2017, and has the money and time, here is a link: (x)

- Leia, Scone & Ruberry

[swingingbothdirections]

Happy National Coming Out Day! Stay safe and good luck to those coming out today. We hope it goes well! - Leia, Berry & Scone

[swingingbothdirections]

In celebration of Wonder Woman and the community in general, we had decide to start some short fact files to spread some positivity. We hope you enjoy these!

- Leia, Berry & Scone

Wonder Woman

Created by American psychologist William Moulton Marston.

When she is not in her homeland of Themyscira, she is known as Diana Prince.

She has superhuman strength, can fly, and has a Lasso of Truth which is sometimes seen as a symbol for ‘feminine charm’.

She is bisexual and is often seen as one of the best female super heroes.

In 2017, she is set to have her own film.

In a 2015 comic, she was the first DC hero to officiate a same gender marriage for the brides Elizabeth and Katie.

The creator William Moulton Marston said "Wonder Woman is psychological propaganda for the new type of woman who should, I believe, rule the world". 

[swingingbothdirections]

We have a new artist on our blog. Their name is Scone.

They have written an introduction for us!

“hi, im scone (pronounced s-cone because thats tHE PROPER WAY) and i go by he/they pronouns!! i'd call myself a gay kind-of-dude (as in, biologically male but i feel that my gender kind of fluctuates a little? not really genderfluid because that doesn't seem right to me but definitely not 100% cis!), and i like fashion, poetry and dogs ayyy”

Keep an eye out for his art!

- Leia & Berry

[swingingbothdirections]

(pt. 1) Hi. Um, well... I'm bisexual, and have been a cis girl for a while now. I say, 'for a while' b/c idk if I even am anymore. I've been trying to find out the whole 'who am i' thing for a substantial amount of time now (i'm 14 btw), and realizied that my perception of myself in relation to gender kind of 'moves around', i guess. I recently told my therapist about it, and that i think that i might be genderfliud, but i'm actually kind of scared of telling my parents and my friends.

I feel like my friends would be acccepting of it, but maybe a bit wierded out (maybe, idk) but i really dont think that my parents would be. my mother is really transphobic, and my stepdad just doesnt understand why anyone would feel like something other than what gender they ‘really are’ (as in cis). I dont really want to tell anyone, then, because of that- they might slip and tell my parents. any suggestions? i’m still not even sure that i am, tho, to be honest. ugh…)”

Sorry for the late response. It is often hard for us to get back to messages but I assure you we are thinking of you right now.

Telling people often takes the burden off your shoulders and it is nice if you get a positive reaction back. However, you have to consider what the problems would be if you did. If you are ready and safe to come out, it is fine. If there are major barriers, it is not a good idea. You may want to check out this article as well. It may help you decide whether or not it is the right time. (x)

It may be a good idea to tell people you know will not tell your parents, or don’t know them, first if it eases the pressure of keeping it all a secret. There may be an impartial adult at school or in your local community who may be able to help you. If you trust them, it may be an ease to your worries if you are not ready to tell your friends and family. There may also be a local LGBT+ group that may be able to help you. A quick internet search may tell you if there is. It could also be a good idea to ask around.

If you decide to tell them eventually, a good way to approach in this scenario would be to have a semi serious conversation with your friends first, and then try approaching your parents. Chose a good time to bring the subject up and be honest about how you feel about your identity so the conversation is beneficial for you and the other person. Here is a link to a list of the ways you could chose to come out with. (x)

But of course, you can always refrain from telling anyone until you are ready, feel like you trust the people around you, or just have a better idea of who you are. It is up to you entirely, and things like keeping a diary to vent out problems may be a good idea if it works. There are places such as the closet–confessions tumblr that may be a good place to vent if that sort of thing helps you. (http://closet–confessions.tumblr.com/)

On the other hand, you could also try to distract yourself until you are ready to think about the problem in more depth and feel you know yourself a little better if that is what you feel you are struggling with.  A mixture of the two works for some people as well. Whatever you feel is best for you at the current moment. If that is not the issue, don’t worry.

Also, if you don’t know exactly what your identity is at the moment, it is okay. It is also okay to want to tell someone regardless. It may help you figure things out, or it may make you feel better so you can figure out what your identity is in the long run.

Hope you are well.

- Leia

[swingingbothdirections]

Hey guys! I’m back with more goofy but educational comic strips.

This is the second part of my series on polyamorous people in society. I find that as a poly person people sometimes assume that I have a lot of sexual encounters involving multiple people. Although some poly people do have this - for example they may have a large group relationship who interact both romantically and sexually in a group - it is not always the case.

When it comes to relationships, it is better to never assume anything and to approach them with an open mind - every relationship is different, especially for polyamorous people.

For more of our comics and articles, and for advice regarding relationships, sexuality and gender, follow us. We specialise in multiple-gender attraction.

We are always open for questions from our readers, whether they are curious, questioning or looking for advice, and are happy to answer as many as we can.

We are also selling merch to raise money for the LGBT+ charity Broken Rainbow here: CLICK ME

- Shalashaska

[swingingbothdirections]

The first installation of my new and improved comic strip - Poly Probs

Sometimes people do not know of polyamory and how it works. As a polyamorous person, it isn’t uncommon to have to explain the concept to people. This usually isn’t a problem, because people who are surrounded by monogamy tend to assume any non-monogamous relationship situation is unfaithful. However, there are also some who jump to conclusions, and this makes communication harder.

This also applies to other aspects of LGBT+, but it is particularly prominent for polyamorous people. Remember, if you’re a polyamorous person, it is important to be patient with people like this, as they will always understand the concept eventually. If you are monogamous and you are confronted with a situation in which more than two people are in a relationship, try not to assume anything, and allow the person to describe the situation. After all, creating positive dialogue requires effort, consideration and good listening on both sides.

- Shalashaska

[swingingbothdirections]

Hello everybody! Following the success of my previous comic strip, bi/pan probs, I am soon going to put together a series of comics about the struggles that face polyamorous people.

After all, the legalisation of healthy polygamy will be an important factor in marriage equality, and polyamorous people tend to endure a lot of discrimination without much support. My hope is that this comic will help people like me feel less alone.

As a guy in a committed polyamorous relationship, most of these strips will be drawn from my own experiences, and those of my partner. Hopefully the issues that we face as a minority group will be revealed through this series.

- shalashaska

[swingingbothdirections]

Me, Shalashaska, and Berry have been working on opening up an online shop (x) to commemorate the milestone of 1,500 followers.

Half of our commission will be donated to UK based charity Broken Rainbow that specialises in helping young people in domestic violence situations. We have chosen this charity because a big reason for homelessness, an issue close to our hearts, is the breakdown of family relationships. According to the Albert Kennedy Trust, a UK based charity that helps LGBT youth that become homeless, 69% of homeless LGBT youth are likely to have experienced rejection, violence, and abuse from their family.

We feel this is an exciting moment for us, and hope this is for you too!

- Leia

[swingingbothdirections]

We have a new artist on our blog. Their name is Berry.

The wrote a little humorous introduction for us too:

''Hey I’m Berry, I’m agender and use they/he pronouns. My sexuality is Natalie Dormer and I endorse writing bad poetry. ''

- Leia & Shalashaska

[swingingbothdirections]

Do u have any tips on how to accept myself? Bc i want to be either gay or straight so bad...but "baby i was born this way" im having a really hard time accepting myself as bisexual

Hiya,

Sorry about the lateness in response. We have created an article (x) that may help you and other people in accepting your identity. We understand it is a hard, and often long process, so we’ve included the jist of the advice in the article.

However, I do have some more specific tips for you. Take pride in your identity! You can do this through community participation, or talking to people who are just like you! Maybe even wearing badges might help. Sometimes little things can help ease the process as well.

Remember that there is probably a reason you are trying to pigeon hole yourself. If you can get to the root of the problem, you should attempt to find a way of soothing the pain. Sometimes talking about it with someone you trust is a good idea or by reassuring yourself through confidence building is a good idea.

A good resource to look at is this one: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/how-can-i-help-myself/#.Vunq9_mLTIU

It is especially helpful if you need a bit of advice on what you can do to improve your self esteem if you feel it is part of a bigger problem. Try not to be so hard on yourself if you don’t feel like the problem is ‘going away quick enough’. This will only push you back instead of making you feel better.

You do sound like you are aware of the effect of the problem but sometimes we all forget how badly we treat ourselves. Give yourself a break at times. If things get too much. Do something you enjoy.

I’ve also attached another list: http://swingingbothdirections.tumblr.com/post/105168001794/things-to-rage-about-as-a-bisexual-christmas

Although this article was originally about Christmas, it may be useful as a guideline of things you might want to try when things become difficult.

Hope this helps.

- Leia

[swingingbothdirections]

How to Accept Yourself

It is daunting for any young person to find out that a part of their identity, a label they have used to identify as for a long time, no longer applies and it takes a lot of time and soul searching to find something they are comfortable with. Many people also find that even if they have found a label they want to stick with, or they are finally coming to terms with their identity, it is hard to fit in and they feel insecure in themselves.

Many of the questions we get on this blog ask us how they can accept themselves; how they can feel less pigeon-holed into being either gay or straight. We also get a lot of questions about how someone can ease into their transitioning stage, or begin it by coming out. Understandably, it is a difficult process and it is often riddled with obstacles.

However, we have an answer for all of you.

Give it time

For many people, especially those who have negative feelings about their sexuality, it takes a lot of time to process things so we emphasize this advice a lot. Remember how you felt starting a new school or moving house? Those were changes that made things feel scary and new because you were moving into another stage of your life. For some, there is anxiety and dread. “How will I make friends?” “What will my new room look like?” And for others, there is nothing but excitement because you have found somewhere you feel comfortable and you are looking forward to facing any new challenges. The same goes for your sexuality. For those who feel daunted by the prospect of taking on a new label, remember that labels are for comfort and if you don’t feel comfortable, either you’re not okay with that label or you’re just not comfortable with yourself. Both of which are okay! Don’t be so hard on yourself. You will get to the point where you are more comfortable with your identity eventually.

Keep good company

Being around people who help you to grow as a person is important. Those who care about you will be there to support you and to have a good time with. You need to be able to accept yourself on your own as you are the only one who feels the feelings you do but it doesn’t hurt to have people around you who lift you up! Those who make you feel invalidated aren’t people you want to be around because everyone needs healthy friendships. For example, if someone constantly tells you that your feelings or sexuality is wrong, or is negative about it, it will not be good for you. Obviously, there will be people who you do not have a choice in being around but with those who you do, surround yourself with people who bring the best out in you and themselves.

Stand your ground

If part of the reason is how other people treat you, and you cannot necessarily be away from these people, it is important to remember to stand your ground and be confident in who you are. Try not to let it affect you. Always remember that people who care about you, will love you no matter what. Sometimes it can take time for somebody to come to terms with your identity, but as long as you have a decent bond with the person, this shouldn’t take too long and you shouldn’t worry about it.

Use labels only for comfort

As I said in the previous paragraph, many people find comfort in labels because they feel less alone. They feel as if there are other people who identify the way they do and that there is a name to what they are feelings; they are not ‘going mad’! If you are not completely ready to come to terms with things, it is a lot harder to use a label as it may just cause the anxiety of not wanting to get the wrong one. This is okay as everyone changes and sexuality is often not rigid. It is okay to use one label over another. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Manage your anxiety and bad thoughts

If you have doubts about your sexuality or gender identity, remind yourself time and time again that these doubts are just doubts if you know deep down that you are what you identify as. And even if you’re not sure, it’s okay to change your mind! Growing up is about learning about yourself. If these thoughts become too much emotionally, please seek help. We have a page with information if you need to know who to call, or whose website to visit. However, we encourage you to speak to an adult or some close to you who can signpost you to someone who can help. You should not be allowed to suffer silently.

If you need to speak to someone, there are resources available for you! Please do not suffer in silence. In an emergency, please contact your emergency services.

[swingingbothdirections]

Okay so I'm amab, and I've recently found the term demiboy which I now use, but it's still kinda fluid, so do u have any ideas on how to present more feminine that don't include clothes/makeup???? Clothes are hard for me with the parents that I have but maybe there are some other ways???? Idk but thank you ❤️ xx

Gender presentation is a little tricky when it comes to non-binary identities, but I will give you a few suggestions that might help you.

A lot of male-assigned non-binary people tend to shave their body hair when they feel more feminine. This helps you to feel more feminine whilst not being too obvious. Of course, you shouldn’t feel like you have to shave everything, but if you feel that it makes you feel more feminine to shave a little bit, it might be an option.

You could try speaking differently, or referring to yourself in a feminine way. Sometimes even calling yourself a “lady” or a “girl” can make you feel more comfortable on more feminine days. This might not work too well with demi-gender but it is something to consider.

Mannerisms can also be associated with gender, so perhaps you could try experimenting with more feminine gestures and movements. Changing mannerisms is quite popular with people who are more fluid and they tend to find that it is an easy and quick way to express a changing gender identity.

Although presentation can be difficult with parents who do not know or who are not supportive, I hope that some of these ideas can help you to get the ball rolling.

- Shalashaska

Certain colours, if you have them in your wardrobe already, may also help you to feel more feminine if that’s how you associate them.

Different hairstyles may also help you to feel more feminine. If you feel more feminine with long hair, try extensions or simply add some hair slides or accessories. Things like headbands and bows are very stereotypically feminine so it may help you feel a little more ‘girly’. You can borrow these from friends and wear them for small amounts of time if your parents are difficult to negotiate with.

- Leia

[swingingbothdirections]

Oh, whoops! ¯\_ツ_/¯ That’s pretty funny.

- Shalashaska

Not sure if bi or pan b/c I don't know anyone outside the gender binary, how do I tell?

Well, you don’t necessarily have to be attracted to a specific person to know what you’re attracted to. If you have not met someone who is non-binary then that doesn’t mean you can not be pansexual.

As long as you feel that a person’s gender and sex do not have any effect on your attraction to them, then you can be described as pansexual. If you feel that you could date or be attracted to a non-binary person in future then it is still okay to use that label.

On the other hand a bisexual person can also be attracted to a non-binary person as bisexuals are not limited to only binary-gendered people. Bisexuality defines the attraction to more than one gender, but not necessarily all of them. 

In your case it’s perfectly okay to use either label as long as you feel it sounds right for you.

- Shalashaska

[swingingbothdirections]

Labels do not have to control or define you, they are only words, and they are there for you, not others. Some prefer “polysexual”, some prefer “pansexual” and some prefer “bisexual” but they do not have to suit a specific checklist in order to use a label. Your label is your choice.

- Shalashaska

Not sure if bi or pan b/c I don't know anyone outside the gender binary, how do I tell?

Well, you don’t necessarily have to be attracted to a specific person to know what you’re attracted to. If you have not met someone who is non-binary then that doesn’t mean you can not be pansexual.

As long as you feel that a person’s gender and sex do not have any effect on your attraction to them, then you can be described as pansexual. If you feel that you could date or be attracted to a non-binary person in future then it is still okay to use that label.

On the other hand a bisexual person can also be attracted to a non-binary person as bisexuals are not limited to only binary-gendered people. Bisexuality defines the attraction to more than one gender, but not necessarily all of them. 

In your case it’s perfectly okay to use either label as long as you feel it sounds right for you.

- Shalashaska

[swingingbothdirections]

Not sure if bi or pan b/c I don't know anyone outside the gender binary, how do I tell?

Well, you don’t necessarily have to be attracted to a specific person to know what you’re attracted to. If you have not met someone who is non-binary then that doesn’t mean you can not be pansexual.

As long as you feel that a person’s gender and sex do not have any effect on your attraction to them, then you can be described as pansexual. If you feel that you could date or be attracted to a non-binary person in future then it is still okay to use that label.

On the other hand a bisexual person can also be attracted to a non-binary person as bisexuals are not limited to only binary-gendered people. Bisexuality defines the attraction to more than one gender, but not necessarily all of them. 

In your case it’s perfectly okay to use either label as long as you feel it sounds right for you.

- Shalashaska