#//God's number 1 faggot so real so real

[sissyfaggotwhiteboi]

Guide for Black Doms to make white sissy

Found this Guide on another unrelated site;  it describes how to make white bois into sissies for use by Superior Black Masters, and would willingly submit to have this done to me!

This is a guide for Superior Black Men that want to usurp their rights over crossdressing white boys. I will tell you the weaknesses and inner desires of white boys, so that you may more easily enslave and own them. If you want an obedient and addicted white boy, read on.

Submissive WHITE Sissy Faggots Are Eager To Serve As Sissy Maids And Cum Receptacles For SUPERIOR BLACK MEN –  REGISTER HERE TO BE USED BY A SUPERIOR BLACK GOD

1) Getting a real meeting with a boy is the most crucial part of beginning the white boy emasculation.

The rest comes easy and naturally for the sissy boy. Most fantasize about being forced into it. They like the risks and are completely aware that it is a slippery slope. Blackmail and Domination is part of what they want. On some level, they want and feel they deserve to lose their identity as a man and to serve Superior Men. More than anything in the world. Any kind of resistance is just part of what the fantasy; white sissy boys have a desire to be freed from their choice. Younger and not married are more desirable.

Submissive WHITE Sissy Faggots Are Eager To Serve As Sissy Maids And Cum Receptacles For SUPERIOR BLACK MEN –  REGISTER HERE TO BE USED BY A SUPERIOR BLACK GOD

Degrade and humiliate him in your emails. Ask him how small his little pee pee is. Tell him how you will slap his face with Your Superior Cock. You will put him on a leash. Sissy ’s like to hear confirmation they are not real men. Call them a girl. Tell him he has a girly ass. Or if he is skinny, call him petite and effeminate. Ask him if he likes looking at a picture of Your Cock. Give him a female name as a reminder. On the reverse, make him call you Daddy (this is the absolute most humiliating name you can use, but Sir or Master work well too). If he doesn’t, tell him you will punish him. Try and get a phone number or address before he can back out. Always push to meet sooner.

2) Establishing follow up sessions. This is where most sissy boys get away. My greatest advice here is to ask the sissy if you can record and take pictures of him for your personal collection. In the moment, they will tend to say yes and do it. A simple picture of him on his knees sucking your cock could well be the key to his entire enslavement. You only need suggestively say you like the picture and want to send it to his friends if he is reluctant to meet. Record him every time after.

Submissive WHITE Sissy Faggots Are Eager To Serve As Sissy Maids And Cum Receptacles For SUPERIOR BLACK MEN –  REGISTER HERE TO BE USED BY A SUPERIOR BLACK GOD

Chastity is another way. This is better long term and for training. Just like other males, white sissy faggots have that moment of wake-up and sometimes regret when they finally cum. They will do anything before that moment, but can feel like they went to far once cum. Not allowing them to cum will keep them submissive, turned on, and obedient. You can do whatever you want for however long you want. They on some level, even like the denial. They feel trapped and needy to be nice to you.

If they are resistant to this initially, you can keep pushing it, and just put it on them if you can convince them to be tied up. Forgiveness over permission. Use a device that cannot be removed without a key.

During the first meeting, make them cum, be verbal, make them tell you what a bitch they are. Make them promise they will be your sextoym. Make them give you their word they will suck you next week.

3) Training will transform the white sissy into a total, obedient slut. You should not let them cum more than once a week. Suggest tying them up when you let them cum and you take off the device, so they have no say if it comes back on. Prolonging how long they cum will make it more intense and they will have much less chance of regret. You can anally train them to cum without stimulation from their little white penis and eventually to cum without being hard. Google sissy gasm. Teasing around their butt with your fingers will help. The goal is to have them only cum from anal stimulation. If you have to, make them wait another week if they can’t do it without touching their tiny pee pee. Stroke them from behind like a bitch so their cock is pulled behind their legs. If they’re really are unable to cum after two weeks. Also suggest stroking like this the first time you meet them until they cum.

Submissive WHITE Sissy Faggots Are Eager To Serve As Sissy Maids And Cum Receptacles For SUPERIOR BLACK MEN –  REGISTER HERE TO BE USED BY A SUPERIOR BLACK GOD

4) After some time, you may introduce more changes to the white sissy. Changes that cross the “point of no return” will keep a white boy as a sissy longer than anything else. They may resist to these ideas, but you can keep pushing it on them, and on some level they want it more than anything in the world. Ultimately, it is their choice.

Shaving smooth will make a huge difference in how girly the sissy looks. If you are keeping the sissy shaved,, You could eventually encourage the sissy to get laser hair removal.

Another suggestion would be a tramp stamp or other tattoos. Perhaps “sissy slut”, “Emily”, “BBC Owned”. You could have her do a trial with a Henna tattoo or just go all the way. Permanent makeup is another humiliating way to feminize the white sissy.

The final step is the one white sissy boys think about the most. They feel it is their destiny and that is a final step to submitting and giving up their ego for humiliation. Hormones. Two types, anti-androgen and estrogen. Estrogen will have the most effects, such as face breasts, and submissive tendency. Anti androgen will make them more petite, less muscle, and make their tiny pee pees even smaller. You can find more online about it. Whatever you want of them, tell them they need to look pretty and pleasurable for Men. And that they are better off this way. Affirm it is who they are on the inside.

5) Enslaving the sissy is the goal. Establish Dominance and always push the little white boys to say they are inferior. Treat them like a sextoy. Text them you want blowjobs on random days. White sissies should be your on-call fuck toy. Punish them when they are bad. Use chastity to control their rewards. You can do whatever you like, turn them into a live-in maid if you like or a discreet obedient sex slave.

Submissive WHITE Sissy Faggots Are Eager To Serve As Sissy Maids And Cum Receptacles For SUPERIOR BLACK MEN –  REGISTER HERE TO BE USED BY A SUPERIOR BLACK GOD

[the-firebird69]

There are several things happening and there are very very huge and it is a change and it's a big shift. Is occurring at this moment today and it has begun about 25 minutes ago.

--- Very huge forces are going to what look like huge celestial. They are going to investigate what they are and if they are there and they are foreigners they are Morlock they are minority Morlock and gigantic forces from Mack Moorlock probably a total of 1.5 percent because of so many locations and you have to have a good force and miscellaneous are sending large numbers this is it folks they're finally looking into it. The Max are down there bothering everybody. These forces are very very big we put out warnings and we should put one out here yes they're on the move and they're about 500 locations 50 of which are for Teutonic classes what they're calling them. And our son coined the phrase but it is what's after Titanic we are going to begin operations to raise them using this. And she the Max are down below trying to get to them right now and very fast we are sending out this warning to all of the approaching armies you have to go down swiftly they're going after them right now.

Thor Freya

We got the notification and warning from our own armies and we are sending swift shifts now ships I did say it correctly

I did say it correctly

shaq

We did hear the conversation yes and he was saying swips but he did say the word correctly but he's having interference and people used to say the stupid words to him about construction not like he doesn't know it okay. People are **** he told you we had to tell you he just sit there with your stupid fist in your mouth. We can't stand you we'll be getting trouble and he says you have to ORMax are fired And we mean you more luck point you scum boy are you scum.

preston

We hate the living **** out of you don't forget the clones are going in force they're sending large ones can you believe that. It's probably half the size of the whole force going is not right it's about 1/8 and it's about their size. Tons and tons of troops are going there you would not believe it Chris if we showed you you would say what is this is it from one of those desert movies with one of these glory hounding fags Ancient gods of Africa movie so we say no and it is real. Those exhausting we're lucky we survived and you know the max are still gonna be running it with these **** around but really with kind of foreigners but still that was hell and these guys are jerks we're around you're going the wrong way OK thank you we appreciate it we'll check it out you're still going the wrong way and ohh here are the trucks now they get it

And it's an analogy of these two and for Christ's sake you're nearly getting creamed you follow that.

Bill

I suppose we're all going to be on the plane flying around and on trains and automobiles and yeah the leaders are moving out the ones that didn't get mulched by this asinine war. We kinda all started it 'cause we're a bunch of ****.

trump

You've got the biggest **** of all while I was doing a bunch of stuff too. And we're moving out yeah all over the damn place we have to check our area to see if there's a path to Antarctica and he says it's real close and it is South America too it's much closer that sucks. Max will probably fill in the south of South America 'cause people said they moved down. Now there's a cavern down there we have to check.

bja

Olympus oh boy lol and mean to me and f u he says and no money for you now and so what we kill you you plant o torture me in my btothers castle you faggots. and you woud lose all for the time poorly spent aholes. and so what and means your right we die and you get your stuff back. makes sense he says. trully does.

mac proper

louses leave him alone you fags

mac daddy

no we deserve this our cut no all.

macs

and no you dont

mac daddy

ahahhah all. does it look like all you ninnies have some nitrogen narcosis ok

Zues Hera

fine we are bent. so are you and no. we do this. put them down. and we coe in grab you.l.

mac proper

we are not saying that no. it is the sahara and are idiots. we needed this ok

carolinas

we use it squash you losers

sahara

and so on by john r and son. and now is not a good time. macs hv a plan and to stick it to our son though heard it earlier have you say it...and he says play money still so. so what you spun your tires harrassing me and now no inventin and they yell it. they do it. and good you do it then ok and such. they are not amused at how it really is.

we use this they are idiots too

Thor Freya

Olympus

I have had to raise a real army back proper due to your absolute lack of human understanding in my situation in any way not your Mommy I'm not your papa i'm not your uncle I don't forgive you for doing things that could get me harmed seriously you're nuts obviously you're an insane bunch of idiots. Why you think someone my age in this realm would sit through this crap and endure it is completely beyond me. Is not to do that I have an 80 personality i'm a very aggressive person and passive and you're gonna find out the hard way. Very soon then I don't mean your donkey **** attacking you you spazzes

Zues

well said

Hera

It does not sound hilarious to us. For a bunch of morons running around behind our sun for 35 years harassing him he had enough 35 years ago then you're making him sick how you hid in the nuts screwing around with his skin his oxygen his rent his sanity having these idiot lowlifes threaten him every 5 minutes and would you get out of it a black eye you say. Probably not you're missing an eye your organs are ill and it's going to explode. We have to tell you that you are the biggest pain the **** ever. What he said was without trillions upon trillions it's a joke and I'm going to still be thinking it and he knows we're different because you get all **** **** when he says that. You won't let him at his companies to control them or use them but he's going to eventually and that will be to drag the remaining idiots out of bunkers and such. They're not happy with his brother required a lot of money and stuff to be satiated and our son has a better handle on the scope than he did. Is a giant and did huge things and had massive ships well before anyone else. Told you in contempt we are going to hold you in contempt and furthermore you're still playing a hand in a few billion dollars doesn't say whoopty Ding Dong but you're going to leverage it off the government when you think it's time and on to private business to threaten it. They don't want you taking hope away from him still even though it affects you a lot more than us.

Thor Freya

yeh

Hera

yeh

Zues

Olympus

[falsebooles123]

Confessions of a Recovering Genre-Phobic 1/20/24

Hey Whores, I had to take my computer into the shop this week. (In turns out that it was the drivers after all), so my week has been a bit down and odd. Theres other reasons but I'm still sorting out my feels. Late January is being kidna a sad boy hour for me but it is what it is. So without further ado the music.

(How it felt to be without my compooter for a day)

Ramones (1976) - The Ramones

Genre: Punk Rock Length: 29:04 (14 Tracks)

Ima just quote wikipedia

"Ramones is considered an influential punk album in the United States and United Kingdom, and had a significant impact on other genres of rock music, such as grunge and heavy metal. The album was ranked at number 33 in Rolling Stone's 2003 list of the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time, maintaining the ranking in a 2012 revision and dropping to number 47 in the 2020 reboot of the list. It was placed first in the Rolling Stone 100 Best Debut Albums of All Time list in 2022. It was certified gold by the Recording Industry Association of America in 2014."

- 'Ramones (album) | Wikipedia'

and yeah I can here the influence they remind me of the Buzzcocks and The moldy Peaches and punk music in general and that ultimately becomes a bad thing for me.

Its a lot like my feelings towards the original blair witch that what I can only imagine was innovative sound in the mid-70s has now become genrelized. Statis quo for the further generations of punk musicians.

Ramones features a lot of minimilist lyrics and repatition and gritty mixing and sound and it doesn't really work for me. Perhaps, (and feel free to say so), it is just my tin ears unable to distinguish the nuance but I had a hard time distinguishing songs, and the lack of clarity in both the vocals and instrumentals while absolutly giving a punk sound didn't do much to distinguish themselves from my foggy recolations of other 70s punk acts. Hopefully I can come back to this album in a copy years and fall in love but for now It left me feeling wanting.

2/5

The Stage Names (2007) - Okkervil River

Genre: Indie Rock Length: 41:46 (10 Tracks)

My Internent went out last night, and by mine I do mean the vast majority of my state. Thanks Winter!

I'm tired so let me just say that this album is fantastic. The opening song is a straight banger that has been on my playlists for years and the rest of the songs continue the energy with a slightly more slow-down indie rock marathon. The lyrics are involved and meloncholic and overall this just speaks to me.

5/5

Blanket (2023) - Kevin Abstact

Genre: Rap Length: 37:37 (13 Tracks)

Recommending to me by a friend.

Kevin Abstract is a queer rapper from texas who used to be part of the Boy Band Bronkhampton.

As I am shit at describing music I'm just steal this description from an interview. "According to Kevin, he wanted “to make, like, a Sunny Day Real Estate, Nirvana, Modest Mouse type of record. But I wanted it to hit like a rap album.”

and yeah thats a really good way of describing it. The music has that kind of shoegaze etherial sound as Abstract raps about childhood trauma, queerness, and other such pleasantrys.

I'll be honest I didn't get a lot out of this album but I'll have to give it another listen one of these days.

3/5

My God (2023) - Tessa Violet

Genre: Pop

Length:

I'm sorry I wasn't expecting the girl-next door to wake up and decide to serve CUNT. Hunny. Diva, Icon, Slay.

Somewhat conceptionlized, (I'm talking out of my ass), as a rise from the ashes of more moody indie styling My God takes on a more diva styling with her Bad Bitch, My God, YES MOM, and BREAKDOWN. Which features a more Allie X style pop production and empowered lyrics. The faggot in me has no choice but to stan and the Straggot in me wants her to step on me so goddamn bad.

The rest of the songs on the album take on a more softer indie styling. 'Kitchen Song' is a standout as a near sappy romance song whilst other tracks deal with her more famalier themes of heartbreak.

I really liked this new direction and while the overall album didn't hit as hard for me as her earlier albums.

3.5/5

You Light Up My Life: Inspirational Songs (1997) - Leann Rimes

Genre: Country Length: 43:33 (12 Songs)

YLUML:IS is the second studio album by Leann Rimes and features you guessed the titular song which is the only thing I know by her.

I can say after listening to this album that I still don't know any other songs by this women.

Rimes has a beautiful voice and likes to focus on these kind of sentimental torch songs. The type of pastoral vaguly religious fair that would be big with like our mom or something.

It's nice enough but I think I agree with the original critics when they say that this doesn't seem like a strong second album. Hell this literally ends with her singing both Amazing Grace and the National Anthem. This is a album you would release at the end of your career. A bunch of classics as a way of polishing off your ourve. Not your second album which in my mind is where you really sink in and elevate your style. Odd choices. I'm noticing that I'm not a big fan of the classic albums that I've added to the list and thats dissapointed.

2.5/5

Well Whores. Thats all for this week. Hope your well.

[prorevenge]

Have fun explaining the smoking charge to your parents.

There was a fire across the street from a students' apartment building and due to the smoke a number of them were asked to leave by the fire department. As such we had a good number of students staying with us.

Generally I prefer students over adults as A) they're my age and B) for every 1 shitty student I have dozens of shitty older people (prime shitty range is late 40s to early 60s). I usually try to go a little out of my way for students as well, they come in drunk late at night and I'll make them fresh cookies or offer to let them go up onto our roof that overlooks the college campus we're located on, shit I'm technically not allowed to do but I figure especially for students they're paying a hefty price to stay here so the least I can do is try and make it a bit nicer. So it's around midnight and this group of 4 students come in. Two of them are staying with us on their parents' credit card (I only know this because the one kid was lightly making fun of the girl for "having daddy save her" at check-in) and the other 2 are just their friends. We get to chatting and have what to me was a great conversation.

Talk about various things a bit deeper than you normally would with a customer I assume but nothing philosophical. Our plans for the next few years, opinions on cities, how backwoods and reactionary the area I grew up in was (they were also familiar with the area and two of them grew up less than an hour from where I grew up). They joke that they're sad there's no cookies left and I tell them if they give me 15 minutes I can go bake some more. I ask them how many they want and I tell them "honestly you can have as many as you want", and they say one each is fine, but I can tell they want more so I say again "No honestly, you guys can have as many as you want, they're not my cookies and we buy in such bulk they cost like 5-10 cents each". The one guy asks if they could have 15. I tell them that's not a problem at all and go bake them. While they're cooking I say they're free to go up to their room and I can bring them up if they want. They agree to just wait in the lobby so we just continue talking. Again, above average conversation, not getting any weird vibes from them and they all seem super friendly and generally nice. We talk about our parents, the girl whose parents had paid for the room were apparently super strict. They think she's never done drugs, hasn't drank, still goes to church every weekend. She laughs and says how mad they'd be if they knew she was staying at the hotel with a guy(Important). Cookies are done, they head up to their room super thankful and I get that little twinge of happiness from helping to make their night a bit better.

Fast forward about 3 hours. I hear what sounds like tittering whispers and that gasping thing people do when they're crying coming from the basement. I go down the first bend of the stairs (there's a landing halfway down where it turns 180 degrees so you can't see straight down) and two of the girls turn the corner. They look teary eyed, but weirdly are giggling. I assume they got into fights with their boyfriends or something (the group of 4 was 2 guys 2 gals, both dating) and it's none of my business so I just say "sorry I thought I heard something down here, just wanted to check what it was". People seem to cry in open in our hotel a lot and in general crying makes me uncomfortable but especially I don't want to deal with crying at my job. Go back to what I was doing and I have a window open due to the weather so I get a big backdraft that pulls this really strong scent of weed up from the basement. Things all fall together, they were teary eyed from smoking, plus the laughing and their nervousness. Plus there's only a microwave and ice machine in our basement and they weren't using either.

So I go back down to the basement and they elevator door is just closing. I can smell weed prominently once I get to the actual bottom of the stairs. Our elevator is slow as fuck and I figure I can just take the stairs and catch them at their floor. I get there and they must have just beat me because I hear their door close as I reach the landing. Get to their room and I can definitely smell weed. Now I'm an avid smoker. There was a time in my life where I was high nearly 24/7 for the better part of a year. I've since cut back to a few times a week but still smoke heavily. I don't have a problem with weed or even smoking in the hotel as long as people are discreet about it. I have a schpiel that I give guests when I catch them smoking. We're supposed to have no warnings and just charge them a $250 "deep cleaning" fee which is really just shampooing the rugs and washing the curtains but I think that's way too much so despite having caught maybe 30-40 people in the time I've worked here I've only charged one person and that was only after 2 warnings and him being a real asshole every time. Anyways my schpiel generally goes "I'm not implying you were smoking but as a note there is a $250 charge if you are caught smoking inside the hotel. We also reserve the right to remove you from your room, as part of the agreement you signed at check-in. Now I'm sure none of us want that so just if you were smoking please limit doing so to outside the hotel or stuff a towel under the door turn on the bathroom vent and open the windows. At this time I'm not charging you, so with that I hope the matter's taken care of" and 95% of the time they agree and are thankful for getting off so there's no problem. I knock on their door and no answer. They had just gone in the room, I saw the door closing so there's no way they don't hear me. I knock again. I can hear them whispering in their room. It's that pathetic whisper drunk/ high people do that's way too loud to not be heard (even through a door). I'm quoting them but obviously it's not exact, just what I remember.

"Oh my god he followed us into the basement and then followed us back up here. So fucking creepy". I knock again "Guys just act like we're not here and he'll leave" "What's that pussy gonna do" "I dunno I'm just going to bed, don't answer the door" the discussion goes on like this for another few seconds, I knock again and they get less focused on the door and more focused on calling me names it seems. Whatever, sticks and stones. Then one of them calls me a faggot and I figure that's about where I draw the line (I had mentioned being bisexual to them). Leave their door and go back to my computer to charge them. Calm down on the walk back and figure I'll give them one more try. Call their room and get no answer. Call back one more time, and no answer. Put the charge on their dads credit card, it shows as SMOKING PENALTY on the receipt (also hooked up to her dads email address I can tell as it matches the name on the card (firstname_lastname at gmail)). Maybe 5 minutes later I get a call at the front desk. Pick up and it's them. "Hey so like we were sleeping and we think we got a call from but we just missed it and it took us a while to figure out how to call you back". I remind them that I saw them in the basement a few minutes ago. "Oh yeah we went up and fell right asleep". I tell them the reason I was knocking was to tell them we have a charge for smoking in the room- and immediately they go on a diatribe about how there was a fire across from their street and that must have been the smoke I smelled. I tell them I understand that but I also know that weed has a distinctly different smell. She admits to smoking but "it was outside the hotel then we came back". I tell her I've been sitting in our lobby all night and as that's our only door in or out, that's impossible. One of the guys gets the phone, same one who called me a faggot. "Come on dude can't you just like let this slide?". "I'm sorry the charge already has been posted, have a nice night". "Fuck you". Click. Looked up the dads email again in their reservation. Type up some facetious "standard" letter that we send out for smoking penalties so there's no way she can deny it to her parents. Say they had been given multiple warnings, and that the smoke smell had been independently confirmed by two separate workers. Even find a way to naturally worm in there that she was staying with a separate guest (saying it's a guy might make it too obvious I feared). In case he just doesn't notice the penalty charge on the receipt I figure a separate email will ensure he sees it. And I get that little twinge of happiness in seeing shitty things happen to shitty people.

(source) (story by Fawxhox)

[the--gay-agenda]

my platonic gf made me do this (even tho she’s not on tumblr rn)

1. What is you middle name? - San Roque

2. How old are you? - 16

3. When is your birthday? - November 11, 2002

4. What is your zodiac sign? - Sun: Scorpio Moon: Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? - Dark colors in general (mostly maroon, blue and monochrome)

6. What’s your lucky number? - 11 or 13

7. Do you have any pets? - 3 dogs (but i rlly take care of 1)

8. Where are you from? - Philippines, Metro Manila 

9. How tall are you? - 5’5” and a half

10. What shoe size are you? - I think 9-10 (???)

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? - 3 (4 if u include my school shoes)

12. What was your last dream about? - I was in school and we were peforming for a rlly big event (it was shitty)

13. What talents do you have? - I can play the guitar, barely sing, sorta dance, and some chinese 

14. Are you psychic in any way? - When it comes to my sister, and some romantic situations irl, and i can predict scenes from movies i havent seen

15. Favorite song? oh god that’s hard, the soundtracks for both heathers and six, every song in my g a y playlist in spotify (king princess, joji, billie eilish, rizha, etc.)

16. Favorite movie? - The girl king (despite the annoying power dynamic0 and heathers (despite the cringe) and almost every marvel movie

17. Who would be your ideal partner? - @alexconfusion if u weren’t such a fuqing baby (fyi, @alexgoestosleep i wont steal them from u, they’re just sorta my ideal type)

18. Do you want children? - Like one or two (girls preferably)

19. Do you want a church wedding? - Hell nah (but ill be fine either way)

20. Are you religious? - Sorta (raised a catholic, but my faith waivers)

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? - Nope just visited folks

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? - nah

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? - Regine velasquez at snr once

24. Baths or showers? - showers

25. What color socks are you wearing? - Im not wearin socks rn, but if i were, grey

26. Have you ever been famous? - Does having 392 followers in tumblr consider being famous??

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? - Yes and no

28. What type of music do you like? - Smth with guitars, maybe even synth-pop or smth. and some classical shit

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? - Nope, and never will

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? - 2, 3 if im with my bro

31. What position do you usually sleep in? - On either side with a pillow to hug

32. How big is your house? - Just 1 floor, a small backyard, and a front porch (i think idk filipino houses are hard to explain)

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? - Coffee and bread, instant noodles if i feel like it

34. Have you ever fired a gun? - Do airsoft guns count?

35. Have you ever tried archery? - Nah, but id love to

36. Favorite clean word? - boop

37. Favorite swear word? - shit, fuck,cunt, bitch, faggot (i call my friend like that never as an offense its just our thing) 

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? - 36 hours or maybe even 48

39. Do you have any scars? -A scar on my right arm cuz of a vaccine

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? - Sorta, but he was a guy and a creep and a bitch so...

41. Are you a good liar? - sorta

42. Are you a good judge of character? - Maybe idk

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? - I have a very bad butchered british accent that sounds like im crunching in some scottish or smth

44. Do you have a strong accent? - Not that i know of

45. What is your favorite accent? - British and australian

46. What is your personality type? - Resting bitch face, quiet but a rlly good friend (apparently) im sorta clingy and hyper sometimes

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? - I think my prom dress, other than that, my giordano long sleeves

48. Can you curl your tongue? - sorta

49. Are you an innie or an outie? - innie

50. Left or right handed? - left

51. Are you scared of spiders? - As long as they’re small im good, i fear the big ones

52. Favorite food? - Japanese food, some korean food, pasta, ribs, and sisig

53. Favorite foreign food? - ^ (except for sisig) 

54. Are you a clean or messy person? - An organized mess

55. Most used phrased? - Is it gay?

56. Most used word? - gay

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? - 20-30 mins, i try to prepare everything the day before

58. Do you have much of an ego? - Idk, i think not

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? - suck

60. Do you talk to yourself? - Yes, too many fucking times

61. Do you sing to yourself? - In the shower its great 10/10 would recommend

62. Are you a good singer? - Sorta?? Depends on the style of the song

63. Biggest Fear? - Socializing online idk lmao

64. Are you a gossip? - Depends on who im gossiping with, but not too much lol

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? - Idk, none of them are rlly great

66. Do you like long or short hair? - short

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? - Binch no, i aint american

68. Favorite school subject? - Social studies

69. Extrovert or Introvert? - Introvert but im a bit of both sorta

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? - no

71. What makes you nervous? - people

72. Are you scared of the dark? - nope

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? - Yes, especially when it comes to talking in english, im a grammar nazi

74. Are you ticklish? - yes,Stomach, sides, neck, feet, and certain parts on my back

75. Have you ever started a rumor? - nope

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? - I was the secretary of my class last year, and ive been the leader for our thesis

77. Have you ever drank underage? - Does wine count? (only during new year tho)

78. Have you ever done drugs? - nope

79. Who was your first real crush? - I honestly dont know, but i think it was this one girl named Renee (nuffsaid)

80. How many piercings do you have? - Before one for each ear, i lost them now so none

81. Can you roll your Rs? - If i need to, like if its a spanish name or smth

82. How fast can you type? - Idk,

83. How fast can you run? - Sorta fast thanks to my legs, but my stamina is hella short so not long

84. What color is your hair? - A mix of brown and sorta like bronze (this one particular part of my hair especially)

85. What color is your eyes? - brown

86. What are you allergic to? - none

87. Do you keep a journal? - Im starting to rn

88. What do your parents do? - Both of them have their own businesses

89. Do you like your age? - Yea i guess, unless my parents start comparing my maturity with my age

90. What makes you angry? --A lot of things (im moody), esp. When my sis starts judging what i like

91. Do you like your own name? -Sorta, i mean a lot of ppl mispronounce my name and make fun of it when u add my last name to it

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? - honestly idk, but i plan to name them with confusing names (or not idk)

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? - Both girls

94. What are you strengths? - Maybe that i’m honest esp when def needed, i have this motherly side (sorta), i know a lot of shit

95. What are your weaknesses? - Im clingy, im socially awkward, im easily demotivated, idk how emotions work

96. How did you get your name? - There was a joke that my mom thought i was gonna be a boy so they named me jonathan, but since i was a girl and jonathan tan was gonna be redundant, they added mae as my second name, removed the -than and now its J**** Mae Tan

97. Were your ancestors royalty? - Not that i know of, but one of my ancestors was an important figure in the revolution in my country so.... yea

98. Do you have any scars? - On my right arm cuz of a vaccine

99. Color of your bedspread? - I share a bed with my siblings (sadly) but rn its blue

100. Color of your room? - With my siblings, eggshell white or smth, but i wanted the color sky blue once i get my own room

[dadvans]

hot fireman sidney crosby - 2

oh boy, well. here’s 5,000 words of pure self-indulgent nonsense! previously: [insp.] [1] 

MALKIN 71

At the beginning of his four-day shifts, Sidney usually likes to get to the station an hour early with fresh carafes of coffee that come from the coffee shop down the street.  Sidney likes being liked, and has found out it’s the easy things over the years that endear his men to him and earn their trust; coffee a step up from the mud the ancient pot at the engine house spits out is a kindness that Sidney can afford a couple times a month, and it’s earned him the respect and loyalty of anyone who has ever had to go seventy-two hours with nothing but Folgers.  

It’s the first week of August.  The sun comes up at five and Sidney wakes up with it and drives with his windows down to smell the grass-sweet air that comes with summer while it’s still cool, before the heat catches up with the morning.  It’s quiet this early, and Sidney loves it, yearns for it in a way he never would have thought possible when he was a lonely kid, before he signed up for a lifetime of sirens and alarms and guys who play grab ass in the communal showers.  The barista at the coffee shop unlocks the doors as he parks, and when he gets inside it’s quiet there too, the music still off, no line of people mumbling sleep soft to wait behind, just the bell chiming as he walks in.

“Just gimme a sec,” says the girl behind the counter, rubbing the top of her register.  She’s got his carafes ready and waiting, sleeves of cups and packets of sugar and creamer that he doesn’t need but can add to the communal drawer back at the station.  “My computer’s sleepy this morning too.”

Sidney smiles at her and fumbles for his phone, because even years of dealing with the public have left him absolutely inept at small talk.  She has her own mug of coffee and sips at it, not seeming to mind.  

The register finally boots up and he pays.  While he’s scooping everything up in his arms, the bell over the front door rings again.

In walks the hottest, weirdest looking guy that Sidney has ever seen.  A complete stranger--well, he half walks in; he’s standing still in the doorway like a cat Sidney had as a kid, one that could never decide if she wanted to be inside or outside, so she would just sit in the open frame of their sliding back door and cry.  Sidney says, “huh,” trips over himself while looking at the guy, and drops a sleeve of coffee cups on the floor.  

“You okay?” the guy asks.  Thick accent, deep voice, like water getting sucked down a drain.  He’s still standing in the doorway, oh, probably holding it open for Sid who had his arms full.  Sidney picks the sleeve up and feels like a dumbass and smiles and does not look the guy in the eyes as he walks past.

“Yeah,” he says.  “Thanks.”

The guy hums.  Sidney’s stomach churns.  He doesn’t let himself stare until he’s out of the shop and he can see the guy standing at the counter, smiling up at the menu and rubbing at his chin with one big hand.  Sidney hadn’t noticed the hands before, just that he was all legs in shorts that would be short on a normal person but are tiny on him, and a long-sleeved blue warm-up shirt from Pitt.  God, he’s a monster, Sidney tries not to think, and he blindly fumbles for his keys so he can get the fuck out of here and go to work, but he can’t stop staring.  The guy turns to the barista and through the windows Sidney can see the name MALKIN stretched across his shoulders with the number 71 underneath.

Oh, Sidney thinks, and he files it away for much, much later.

Sidney doesn’t date and he doesn’t sleep with anyone he knows in town.  That’s what conferences are for.  He has conferences in Philly, and conferences in New York City, safety seminars and management training in Atlanta and Los Angeles and Denver.  He’ll download Grindr for a night and find some dude’s dick to suck, some guy to hold down in his hotel room and use all the strength he’s built up saving lives and serving his community to pin someone faceless to his bed until he’s coming red-faced into the sweat at their hairline.

He learned when he was little that the things you love are the first thing that someone uses against you, and looking at another boy too long and too openly in the locker room would get you called a faggot at lunch, and that the way he felt about people--strongly--was too real, realer than every other real thing that he let people tear away from him.  So he’s never let himself love anyone for keeps, and no one’s ever been able to hold it against him.

It doesn’t stop him from looking, though.

GENO

Halfway through September the local high school spends a day bringing the new freshman class in groups to tour the fire station.  It has something to do with accountability and community service and fire safety.  Sidney was freaked out the first few years, when he was still a teenager and self-conscious and shy until he realized that most fourteen-year-olds either didn’t give a shit, or they were still kids who just wanted to ride in the fire truck and make the siren go off or slide down the fire pole.  And kids can be shits, but they’re still kids, and Sidney’s a whole grown-ass man who can take care of himself.

So he actually kind of likes the field trip days.  Hell, some of the kids actually think he’s cool and look at him with big hero eyes the same way he used to be when he was their age, and isn’t that something.  He finds himself having fun even, trying to show off maybe, greeting kids by coming down the fire pole himself just to hear them collectively whoa about it.

He’s seen Malkin 71 from the coffee shop frequently around town from a distance for the past month; leaning against bike racks talking with friends outside of bars, on his morning runs when Sidney’s driving to the station, leading the high school cross country team around town after school gets out and more than once using an arm to clothesline a student about to run into traffic.  Sidney hasn’t done any sleuthing besides taking the time to notice what should seem fairly obvious about a new person in a small town, but he still feels unsettled with the way he can pick out Malkin 71 in a crowd the way most people can find the big dipper in a sky full of stars.

The second time they’re face to face is when Sidney comes down the fire pole to greet the freshman tour group and sees him right there, a head and some change around the crowd.  He’s been laughing, both of his arms wrapped playfully around some students’ necks in an arm lock in mock-condescension--chaperone, Sidney’s mind unhelpfully adds to his mental file, right underneath high school teacher? and sleepy eyes.  He stops laughing when he sees Sidney.

Sidney smiles despite himself, his weird, too-big nervous smile that he’s self-conscious about but can’t help when he feels like he’s gotta carry the weight of the whole room.  He starts talking and hopes that whatever comes out of his mouth makes sense, his eyes flickering over Malkin 71 every three seconds until he’s done and Schultz and Dumo take the group away to slobber all over some CPR dummies.  One of the kids says something snarky on the way out, and Malkin 71 steps on the back of his shoe completely on purpose, and the kid trips forward.

“Geno!” the kid says, and Sidney’s almost worried for a second until the kid starts laughing, and knocks him on the chest lightly with the back of his hand.

“What?” Geno replies, innocent enough, pulling him close by the shoulder.  “Maybe not be so clumsy?”

Geno, Geno, Geno, Sidney repeats in his head, like a password, like a secret, like the combination to a safe.

MR. MALKIN

Rotary meetings are Wednesday afternoons, and Sidney usually goes to represent the district, because Mario is too busy with other shit.  Sidney owns one suit, and he’s owned it for seven years and he doesn’t wear it hardly ever, but he’ll wear it to Rotary.  It’s not the most expensive suit, but it’s got some flex to it, which has been great as Sidney’s grown into his body and muscle over the years and stretched out the thighs.  The jacket has become too tight through the shoulders though, and the back cut fans out awkwardly over his fireman butt, so he’s starting to wonder if he should just give up and toss it out and wear the same starched shirt and slacks he wears every other day to the office.

Geno is sitting at one of the tables when he walks into the banquet room, and Sidney instantly has sweaty palms, and finds himself fiddling with the hem of his jacket.  Geno’s also wearing a suit, but Sidney can tell it actually fits him even though Geno’s just sitting down, thanking the girl pouring him a glass of water.  

He’s sitting at Sidney’s usual table.  Fuck, Sidney thinks, and counts to five and tries to contort his face into some friendly expression and not lust-derived terror, and goes to sit down.  

“Fire Captain Sidney Crosby!” Geno greets him, which oh no, is so much worse than Sidney imagined.  

“Yeah, I, uh.  Hi,” Sidney says lamely, and he stares at Geno’s name tag which has EVGENI MALKIN scribbled on it in bold, red sharpie.  Did he mishear, back at the fire station?  “Hi, Mr. Malkin.”

“You maybe not remember me, I’m new teacher at high school!  I bring freshman to station on field trip,” Mr. Malkin says.

“No, I remember you,” Sidney says, which is stupid because they saw each other for maybe five minutes that day, so he says, “you tripped a student,” because he’s an idiot.

Mr. Malkin’s eyes go wide, and he stiffens slightly through the shoulders, embarrassed.

“It was funny,” Sidney continues, because he’s terrible at this.  Apparently it’s the right thing, because Mr. Malkin warms up at it.  He gives Sidney a Cheshire Cat grin and looks like he’s about to say something else when they’re both interrupted by the assisted living director who wants Sidney’s attention before the meeting starts.  They don’t get the opportunity to pick up the conversation again, as Mr. Malkin is introduced as such: today’s guest, a new staff member filling in multiple vacancies left by recent budget cuts at the high school; athletic director, phys ed teacher, varsity cross country coach.  

“Haha, go Pens!” Mr. Malkin says, getting up in front of the group and flashing his polo with the high school mascot above his name tag, before bringing up a fundraiser the school is having so they can afford new gym equipment.  He seems more nervous talking in front of adults than he does in front of kids, which is endearing in its own awful way, but everyone in the room still laughs at all the right places during his speech, and crowd him to ask questions when the meeting lets out.  

Sidney’s type has always been the popular boy.

He leaves without saying goodbye, not wanting to take up any more of Mr. Malkin’s time for selfish, personal reasons, so he lets himself out the back quietly.  When he looks up from the doorway this time though, he sees Mr. Malkin a head taller than everyone across the room watching him leave.

GENO, AGAIN

“‘Geno,’” Mr. Malkin clarifies at the charity ball, “is nickname.”

He twirls Sidney out then on the dance floor, before reeling him back in.

It’s Sidney and Kris’s turn to make dinner at the station, so around three they pile into Sidney’s car after doing routine inspections to go to the grocery store.  They’re halfway through another four day shift, and it’s the dead cold heart of January, so Sidney is thinking something warm and filling and easy like chili.  

He doesn’t expect to see Geno outside the IGA with a small army of girls selling cookies.

“Firemen! Come buy cookies for the station!” Geno calls out to them shamelessly across the parking lot, waving a mittened hand at them.  He’s wearing several layers, a hoodie and a scarf underneath a peacoat that makes him look thicker and more inviting than usual, soft.  His nose is red, and so are the tips of his ears that poke out from underneath his beanie.  The girls in front of him are doing high-knees and running in place to keep warm, no doubt Geno’s idea.  

“Geno,” Sidney greets when they make it across the parking lot.  “What are you doing here?”

“I’m scout mom,” Geno replies, gesturing at the girls before him.  “Trying to sell cookies so girls can go to camp in the summer.  How many you boys wanna buy, one hundred?  Three hundred boxes?  Many hungry boys at the fire station.”

It’s true.  Sidney’s cooked in serving sizes upward of fifty before, and it still hasn’t been enough.  He laughs.  

“Get me some thin mints,” Kris says.  “I’m going inside.  It’s freezing.”

He pats Sidney on the shoulder, and Sidney shakes his head and looks down at the plastic fold-up table with its Dollar Tree plastic checkered cloth and several colorful boxes displaying different types of cookies.  He’s always been a tagalongs guy.  “Three hundred, huh?”

“Please, Sidney, look at my girls, so cold!  So sad!  Want to get out of cold and go to summer camp in June and become empowered women!”  Geno pleads, and leans down to the girls and loudly whispers,  “Look colder!  Look sadder!”

The girls instantly turn their deepest, saddest pouts on him, some chattering their teeth loudly, and Geno stays down on their level and sticks out his fat bottom lip too.

Sidney’s a sucker.  

“Fine, I’ll take whatever you guys got.”  The girls cheer, and Sidney wonders how he’s going to explain this to Kris when he meets up with him in the store. “But you’re helping me load it in the car.”

“Of course,” Geno says, like it was a given.

“We take credit card,” one of the older girls says, handing him a phone with a square reader plugged into the top.  

Geno lets the girls wait in his own car, a large Explorer, while it warms up and he gets a grocery cart to load boxes and boxes of girl scout cookies into the back of Sidney’s station van.  

“You make lots of kids really happy,” Geno tells him, passing him the last box of trefoils, which even between twenty-something ravenous guys, they’ll probably be sitting on for at least a month.  

“Yeah, yeah,” Sidney says.  “You don’t need to sell me on it any more than you already have.  I bought the cookies.  Anything else?”

“Coffee, maybe?  Or beer, sometime,” Geno replies, pushing his hands into his pockets.  Sidney freezes from where he’s closing the hatchback of the trunk, before slamming it harder than necessary.  Has he been so easy to read?  Shit, he thinks.

“Uh,” he says.

“My girls need so many badges, like Respect Authority, First Aid,” Geno continues.  “I’m thinking for a bit we organize a trip to the station.  You guys have CPR classes, stuff like that?”

“You can find all the information for our CPR classes on our website,” Sidney says automatically.  The relief cuts through him like a sharp knife.  He’s always wanted the idea of someone, but he’s never wanted a person specifically the way he finds himself wanting Geno, and the only thing worse than being nobody at all to Geno would be to find out that Geno wanted him back and not knowing what to do with it.  

Geno is looking at him expectantly though.

“I don’t get off--I don’t have another day off until Friday,” Sidney says nervously, not knowing how else to fill up the silence.

“Perfect!  I coach kids until seven but then I’m free for whole weekend.  You want go get beers, talk about fun events?”  Geno looks so hopeful.  His face opens up with every feeling he has, it seems like, in a way Sidney’s always thought he’s had to reign in.  “Nine, you think?”

Sidney should make an excuse.  Sidney should tell him no.

“Nine sounds perfect, yeah.”

ZHENYA

Geno’s already holding an empty pint glass when Sidney gets to the bar, foam lacing up the sides as he traces one of his agonizingly long fingers around the rim and talks to some guy sitting at the table with him.  Sidney doesn’t know if he should interrupt, because they look pretty deep into it, but Geno spots him soon enough and waves him over enthusiastically.  

“I’ll take another please,” he says, handing his glass to Sidney when Sidney gets to the table, and the other guy laughs.  

“Don’t let Zhenya get his way, or he’ll never let up,” says Other Guy, pushing Geno’s hand away.

“Yeah, so I found out,” Sidney says, sitting down across from them.  No one has let him live down the girl scout cookie purchase at the station, even though they’ve gone through a quarter of them in the past few days.  The guy laughs.

“Sergei,” he says, reaching out for a handshake.  

Sidney takes it.  “Sidney.”

“Trust me, I know,” Sergei replies.  “You made my daughters very happy buying all their cookies.  And my wife buys your calendar every year.”

“Oh gosh,” Sidney says.  His whole body burns, mortified.  “I didn’t know people bought those.”

He does know, actually.  He oversees the department budget and even though it’s Kris’s wife who does the calendars every year, he sees the kind of revenue they pull.  It’s a little ridiculous, and Sidney doesn’t really understand it, because it’s not like the guys he works with are super models.  Everyone Sidney works with has always been strictly off limits to him, but even if they weren’t, most of them are pretty gross.  He had sort of assumed that Catherine didn’t use any pictures from their actual department.

“Before I get my own apartment, I’m stay with Sergei last summer when I move here.  His wife keeps calendar up in office where I sleep every night,” Geno says casually, like he’s not ruining Sidney’s entire life right now.  “First time I see you was in coffee shop, you probably don’t remember, but I’m see you and think, ‘oh, Mr. August!  Local celebrity!’”

“Really?” Sidney says instead of oh no.  He hasn’t seen the picture, but he can guess--Catherine had him sweating, stripped down to his suspenders in front of a controlled fire, doing really stupid poses with an axe.  He’d kept having to brush his bangs out of his face and the sweat dripping from his brow, and she had just told him yes, lovely, keep it coming, and he had just assumed she was saying those things because she’s a nice person.

“Zhenya asked if he could keep it when he moved out,” Sergei says, teasing, and Geno elbows him in a way that looks a little more mean than fond.  “Fine, fine, I’ll go get more drinks.  What do you want, Sidney?”

Sidney wants to die, but he just says, “whatever you guys are having is fine.”

Geno takes Sergei’s absence as an opportunity to pull up a very meticulous calendar on his phone to talk about scheduling and Sidney is so thankful.  He is very specific about getting Sidney to personally lead the classes and work with the girls, which is fine and understandable, even if Sidney hasn’t done that sort of thing on a regular basis in years like some of the other guys.  He understands he’s a good role model in town and could recite CPR instructions in his sleep.  It’s fine.  

Sergei comes back with a pitcher of beer and they split it, coordinating with him whether the girls have this or that weekend free, if they can take this afternoon off school for a job shadow and will Ksenia please make them all lunch, Geno included.  Sergei gets a call from her no more than five minutes later and says, “I’ll ask,” but then returns to the table and says, “she’ll make you lunch, but only if I come home early for dad duty.”

“So boring,” Geno says. “Have her make enough for Sidney too.”

“You’re pushing it,” Sergei says, fondly.  He claps Sidney on the shoulder.  “Nice seeing you.  Keep an eye on Zhenya, will you?”

“Sure,” Sidney says, even though he should be going.  His beer is almost gone, and the pitcher is empty.  He should go home and get settled in bed with a book, maybe jerk off and get over himself.  

He should, but he won’t.

Geno says, “I’ll get next round.”

He comes back with another pitcher.  Sidney’s not going to be able to drive home, already a lightweight, but also too cautious of the law with a company vehicle.  People will see it parked in the same spot tomorrow morning and he hopes they won’t talk.

“Why you look so worried, Sidney?  Probably you need more to drink, here,” Geno says, topping off Sidney’s glass at looking at him expectantly.  Sidney laughs, and takes a big gulp.

“I guess I do worry a lot,” he says, because he does.  

“Fire captain job very stressful, yes?”  Geno says, and Sidney laughs again and says, “yes,” because it’s incredibly stressful, and all of a sudden his mouth is opening up and he’s telling Geno all about it, all of the hard things and weird things and probably boring things that Geno could give a shit about, but Geno listens anyway.  Geno even laughs, and makes noises of agreement, and says things like, “sounds very hard.”

“It’s a tough job, but it’s worth it,” Sidney says, four beers deep now and hot around the eyes and feeling the confidence of his buzz wrap around him like a blanket.

“Yes, job, obviously, we already agree job is hard, but also being in own head all the time, Sid!  How do you handle all that?  Think so much about what others think about you, spend so much time thinking for everyone else.  Of course you want die from stress sometimes,” Geno replies, and he says it so easily.  He must be like this with his students too, listening and relating and that’s probably another reason why they love him.  He’s nice.  God, he’s so nice.

“I mean, well, yeah,” Sidney says, not knowing what else there is.

Geno laughs.  “Poor baby.”

“What about you?  You know, you do a lot too, it can’t be easy, uh-- school, and coaching, and running those fundraisers and being Sergei’s daughter’s troop leader, it’s gotta be--Aren’t you stressed? just running around all the time, everywhere all at once.”

“Maybe I not do so much, I get bored, you know?  I get in trouble,” Geno says, smiling, and he sounds dangerous.  Sidney wants to run toward him like a house on fire.

“You can’t be trouble, everyone loves you,” Sidney says instead.  “You could never, you’d--I mean, your students look up to you, your friends give you nicknames, call you ‘Geno,’ and uh, what did Sergei call you?  Zhenya.”

“Zhenya,” Geno agrees, but he stops smiling.

“What’s that mean?”

Geno fidgets, wipes at the condensation on his pint glass. “Just uh, Russian thing.  Sergei and I know each other long time, so he uses a nickname like, it’s close friend thing?”

“Oh,” Sidney says, and shakes his head. “So many nicknames.”

“Jealous?” Geno asks, leaning forward.

“What? No, I mean,” Sidney replies, and it’s like--he never really had nicknames or anything.  When he was a rookie, the older guys at the station would call him “Sid the Kid,” but he grew out of it pretty fast, and it’s never really been like, a thing that he’s needed.

“Not of nicknames,” Geno says, snorting.  “You jealous I get so much attention?  Local Celebrity Sidney Crosby want me all to himself.”

“I,” Sidney says, throat dry, tongue swelling.  He takes another sip of beer. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“Who says I’m make fun?  Feel very special, have to run all over town to get your attention, and now you jealous,” Geno replies, smile spilling back onto his face.  

“What?  Stop,” Sidney says like a reflex.  He wants to want this.  He wants to let himself have this if it’s something he can have, but his body doesn’t know how.  “Zhenya.  Sorry, should I?  I shouldn’t, Geno.”

He can feel Geno’s foot press against his ankle under the table, and his voice is so low in the bar that Sidney almost doesn’t hear him when he says, “like the way you say my name, Sid.  You can call me anything you want.”

[anxietyfarm]

Spotify rolled out personalized Time Capsule playslists this week. Through algorithmic alchemy it attempts to gather tracks from your teens and early twenties in an attempt to either make you grin ear-to-ear, recoil in horror, or just wonder how they know so much. For reasons only clear to me I will now attempt to analyze the songs Spotify plucked from the musical ether to send me whistling down my personal nostalgic path.

1. Southenplayalisticadilacmuzik – OutKast – First off of all thank you, Spotify for thinking I was this cool as a 16 year old. I did not know about OutKast when this song came out. I heard about them the next year after the Source awards and didn’t buy my first OutKast album until Aquemini came out in 1998 (nineteen years ago this week). Great start though. You already know me, Spotify. 2. They Want EFX – Das EFX – Yes! I love this song so much. I’m still mad at my washing machine for fucking up my Das EFX shirt. Also, one of the only tweets I’ve ever written that got any traction is when I said that I failed my Anatomy test because I thought my knee bone was connected to my hardy-har-har-har. Thanks, Das EFX. 3. Flagpole Sitta – Harvey Danger – I posit that this is the most 90s song ever. It came out in a gray area between grunge and raprock. Lyrically it is very self-aware but can come off as self-important when you take it in with regards to everything else around it in 1997. It’s super white guy complain-y, which is the exact link between the flannel of the early 90s and the backwards red hat of the late 90s. It reads like a parody of Green Day’s Basket Case. All of this can be backed up in my doctoral thesis, which you can read on my blog. Thanks, Sean Nelson. 4. Poison – Bell Biv DeVoe – Yes. Twelve year old me did love this song. No. Twelve year old me did not understand the sage advice of “never trust a big but and a smile.” Thanks, Bell. Thanks, Bivins. Thanks, DeVoe. 5. Mind Playing Tricks on Me – Geto Boys – “This year Halloween fell on a weekend / me and Geto Boys are trick-or-treating.” I say it every year whether it applies or not. Btw, am I the only one who got the news of every rapper being shot from Kurt Loder? He told me in that condescending tone like it was my fault. I did not shoot Bushwick Bill, Kurt Loder! Stop talking to me like that. Put Tabitha Soren on. Thanks, Scarface. Thanks, Willie D. Thanks, Bushwick Bill. 6. Peaches – The Presidents of the United States of America – Okay. A rare miss from Spotify. I do know this song very well but that’s because you can hear it once and never shake it. I don’t dislike the Presidents. Chris Ballew has worked with the Minus 5 since so that’s cool. No thanks, Spotify. 7. Can I Kick It? – A Tribe Called Quest – If I wasn’t cool enough for OutKast at 16 then I certainly wasn’t cool enough for Tribe at age 12. At that age I was still begging for Hammer to not hurt ‘em. Pleeeeeease, Hammer, don’t hurt em. I implore you! I have since gotten on board with Tribe. Thanks, Q-Tip. R.I.P. Phife Dawg. 8. Cannonball – The Breeders – This is pure goodness, just instant good mood music. I never saw the Breeders live but I did see Courtney Barnett cover this song in concert. Thanks, Deal Sisters. 9. Killing Me Softly with His Song – Fugees – It was rough being a broke music fan before streaming because not only was I buying a Fugees album but I was also curious enough to buy Roberta Flack’s greatest hits. This situation happened over and over again. Thank God there was BMG and mail fraud. Thanks, BMG. Thanks Lauryn Hill. Thanks, Roberta Flack. 10. Fat Cats, Bigga Fish – the Coup – Okay, let’s get real. I didn’t know about this group or this song until a few years ago but I love it and I’ve listened to it a lot since then. When I was in that new relationship phase with this song I wrote about it online and Boots Riley of the Coup sent me a very nice message thanking me for the kind words. Thanks, Boots Riley. Thanks, Internet. 11. I Got 5 On It – Luniz – If you don’t like this song you don’t like music. Thanks, Luniz. Thanks, dime bags. 12. Blister in the Sun – Violent Femmes – Here we have our first timeline anomaly. This song was released a full decade before my “formative years” but then again young James did buy a Violent Femmes album during his formative years and wore it out. Spotify algorithms are something else. Not my favorite VF song but it’s an undeniable classic. Thanks, Violent Femmes. Thanks, Sean and Bren. Thanks, big hands. 13. She Don’t Use Jelly – the Flaming Lips – Here we have the first instance of a song I first heard on Beavis & Butthead. I bought the album after being assured in Spin magazine that it was much better than just this novelty song. I have since seen the Flaming Lips in concert four or five times. At one show Sean Lennon kicked a huge red balloon off the stage and straight at my face. Thanks, Sean Lennon. Thanks, confetti. Thanks, Flaming Lips. 14. Elevators (Me & You) – OutKast – Again, it came out before I listened to Outkast but it’s probably my favorite. No. Second favorite. We will get to number one later in the playlist. I have a glow-in-the-dark 12’’ of this song. It is gorgeous. This song was also BJ Upton’s walkup music when he played for the Braves and because of that I loved BJ Upton no matter how low his batting average dropped. Thanks, baseball. Thanks, Record Store Day. Thanks, OutKast. 15. Laid – James – I have never had any problem with being made fun of because of my name. I guess kids in middle school were too dumb to think of Lame James because the only thing they could manage to call me was faggot. There was a very brief time when this song was popular that, upon meeting me, many people would ask if I knew there was a band called James. Yes. I knew and I loved them. This is such a great song. Life experience has taught me that the therapist mentioned in this song is very bad at their job. Thanks, therapy. Thanks, James. 16. Gimme the Car – Violent Femmes – See number 12. Thanks, Gordon Gano. Thanks, referring to a previous entry. 17. You Don’t Know How It Feels – Tom Petty – Man, I love Tom Petty. This album is good from start to finish. One day I will see Tom Petty. Maybe. He has to stop performing amphitheaters first. I do not do music outside nor with that many people. Thanks, Tom Petty. Thanks, solo albums. 18. Careless Whisper – George Michael – Another timeline disruption. I did not start loving this song until I heard Rufus Wainwright and Ben Folds cover it but it is perfect. Cheesy saxophone and all. Thanks, cover songs. Thanks, duets. 19. Polka Your Eyes Out – “Weird Al” Yankovic – Yeah. Give me all the Weird Al polkas you got. Thanks, medleys.

There are 36 more songs. I got some Neutral Milk Hotel, which I did not discover until the early 2000s, but In the Aeroplane Over the Sea is probably the album I’ve listened to the most since. There’s the best Violent Femmes song, American Music. There’s a few R.E.M. songs, Regulate from Warren G and Nate Dogg, Nirvana, They Might Be Giants, Digable Planets, Biggie, James Brown, Bill Withers, Old 97s, Talking Heads, Paul Simon, etc. The biggest mystery is a Black Flag song that I cannot figure out but it is balanced out by the best song of all time: B.O.B. from OutKast. Thanks, Dungeon Family. Thanks, power music. Thanks, electric revival.

[bluedragonbooks]

Ch 05 - Ep xx - Poison the well

A little preview in light of current politics “We’ve been invited to dinner at the Prime Minister's residence; the cream of Australia’s corporate elite will be there.” “I’m guessing they want to convince us it’s time to join the blue team.” “Promise you’ll play nice” replied Icarus. … David and Ishaq Shaw - Five Realms Group” announced the Usher, politely avoiding mention of their relationship. David looked at Ishaq “Welcome to the inner circle” he said with wry humour. They grabbed some champagne and mingled; more than once David got asked if he was seeing anyone; to which he responded “My husband Ishaq” and let the resulting awkward silence speak for itself. … Conversation didn’t get serious until the main course was being cleared. “So, quite an interesting marketing ploy; aligning yourself with the Greens on Climate Change and with the Gay Agenda; you’re not playing on the same team as us Conservatives” remarked the Head of the CBA. “We see our market niche as being disruptors” replied Ishaq, ignoring the pointed dig. “That could get you in a lot of trouble; you sure you're tough enough to play with the big boys?” asked one of the Mining types. “Don’t confuse left wing politics with weakness; David and I are prepared for a fight.” Rupert Murdoch interjected “You boy’s don’t know what you’re up against; if you won’t play ball; I could turn the nation against you in less than a week.” David looked at Ishaq and then at Rupert. “Did you just threaten us?” “I don’t threaten. I tell you what I want and you do it, simple as that. You can start by toning down your ‘Marriage Equality’ support; I get that it's part of your public branding, but don’t expect the Government to back it. You can also stop this ‘Corporate Transparency’ nonsense; we’re all quite happy with the way the tax system works; we don’t need trouble makers going on about ‘Corporate Tax Avoidance' and ’Social Inequality’ and such.” Ishaq looked at David “David, play nice.” “Yeah David, listen to your girlfriend, why don’t you faggots go home and redecorate or something and leave business to us real men.” Ishaq looked at Rupert … “David’s been itching for an excuse to take you down; but I made him promise to play nice. You had to go and make it personal.” “Bring it on boy; I’ll starve your company of oxygen and ruin your reputations; a complete media hate-fest.” David looked at Rupert calmly for a moment as if considering how to respond. Then, he opened his phone and dialled a favourite. “Myriam, release the green files of the 10 most corrupt members of the Federal Liberal Party; access the Black files on Rupert Murdoch, News Corp and 21st Century Fox; you can quarantine Lachlan and James … Go Global with a Level 5 contagion … authorisation Daedalus … hang on, I’ll put Ishaq on.” He handed the phone to Ishaq “Confirmed; Green and Black … poison the well … authorisation Icarus.” Everyone looked at David and Ishaq wondering what the hell just happened. There was a long silence until a phone rang … it belonged to one of the competing media executives; he looked at the CallerID, excused himself and took the call. A few minutes later he returned. He looked at David and Ishaq but spoke to the room. “That was my international News Desk; There’s been a massive leak of financial data related to News Corp and 21st Century Fox alleging they’re trading as insolvent. There are claims there only saying afloat, because they’ve been peddling government influence in exchange for tax immunity and advertising revenue. News Corp and 21st Century Fox are being heavily shorted, and it’s sparked a massive sell-off. Their shares are in free-fall.” “Level 1 Contagion” remarked Ishaq. A few moments later the phones of both Lachlan and James Murdoch rang. There was silence until they both returned to the room, and asked to speak to their Father outside. “Level 2 Contagion” advised David. “Senior international legal firms launch class actions on 3 continents against News Corp and 21st Century Fox citing tax avoidance and collusion with government. Major rating agencies downgrade News Corp and 21st Century Fox to junk status. Senior Secured Creditors respond by demanding Rupert Murdoch provide an immediate $3 Billion cash injection as additional equity. ” Rupert Murdoch came back into the room and he was clearly livid “What the fuck did you do? I’ll make you pay for this. So help me God … I’ll make you pay.” “Or” remarked Ishaq, “You could give us a controlling interest in return for a debt bail-out.” “Never.” “Pity really” said David as his phone rang. “Phase 2 is confirmed” was all he said. “Level 3 Contagion” advised Ishaq “Senior Secured Creditors obtain court orders forcing News Corp and 21st Century Fox into receivership citing concern that ongoing data leaks and court actions threaten the brand's viability and ability to trade out of bankruptcy. Senior international legal firms launch class actions to recover staff entitlements and protect small creditors. Receivers shutdown News Corp and 21st Century Fox offices, seize control of Printing, Distribution and Online assets, shutting down printing presses and news channels, including all websites and social media accounts to prevent further brand damage.” Several of the guests checked their phones “Wall Street Journal is offline.” “So is The Australian.” There was a chorus of other names. Rupert Murdoch sat there livid, staring daggers at David; his sons made hurried calls. David smiled, took a slow sip of wine and continued. “Level 4 Contagion, News Corp and 21St Century Fox exposed by continuing massive data leaks; experts say volume of data and level of corruption likely to exceed the Panama Papers; Leaks expose corrupt dealings at the highest levels of Government; AFP raids homes and offices of 10 Senior Liberal Members on suspicion of corruption. Mass arrests or resignations likely; Turnbull Government likely to fall. Similar disclosures expected to rock the UK and US Governments.” A few moments later there was a knock at the door and a Senior Police Officer was brought in. “Pardon the interruption, Prime Minister … Mr Murdoch - I have a warrant for your arrest on charges of corruption. With respect Sir, I’ll need you to accompany me back to headquarters.” As Rupert Murdoch was ushered out, an aide put a small folder in front of Malcolm Turnbull; who looked at David and asked “What’s this?” “Options; Option A; is a media release condemning the behaviour of 10 of your ministers and establishing a Federal ICAC to look into Government and Corporate corruption; it also commits your government to implementing a number of accounting measures aimed at corporate transparency.” “Option B; is your letter to the Governor General resigning as Prime Minister and asking him to dissolve the Coalition Government. It also suggests that Bill Shorten form a minority Government with the Greens. … Take your time; you’ve got about 20 minutes before you’re due in front of the press.” Similar folders were placed in front of Lachlan and James Murdoch. Ishaq smiled “Level 5 Contagion; Five Realms Group offers a last minute bailout to News Corp and 21st Century Fox in return for a 65% controlling interest. Lachlan and James Murdoch will remain as CEO of respective organisations after a formal division of assets. Five Realms Group promises to clean-out the old guard and commits to complete corporate transparency; promises strategic divestments in markets with greater than a 65% presence.” “You know this Chocolate Torte is particularly good; any chance of a coffee” asked David? Ishaq looked at Lachlan and James “I don’t know if either of you smoke, but it’s probably time you went outside for a post-coital cigarette and considered our terms.” … There was a smattering of applause, which turned into a standing ovation as everyone realised what just happened. Tonight would go down in history as one of the swiftest and most brutal corporate takeovers on record.

[celestialallstars]

Episode #3: "Make me look like fucking Doofenshmirtz when I’m trying to be like Maleficent" - Mo

So first off WOOOOO! The vote happened exactly as it was supposed to. I'm hoping that means I'm actually on the pulse of this tribe. I've gradually been getting closer to Jared, and I think he trusts me probably more than I trust him.

Second off, this challenge my god. I hate it, like it's a good challenge but for me... oof. Doing this, it's like I have facial dyslexia or something. Like all of the mouths and eyes start blending together and it just starts to look nuts.

I'm hoping to keep trudging forward, if we somehow pull a win out of this, even better if Cyrena goes to tribal again given it was basically unanimous. Alternatively Orfeo to balance things out. I'm tired though and it's been a long day, so it is now time to sleep.

I’m conflicted because I so badly want to be a bad bitch and create an over the top plan but there’s such a high chance that it will flop and make me look like fucking Doofenshmirtz when I’m trying to be like Maleficent. So I’m going to try to create my own kinda of genius that only applies to me. It sounds stupid but it’ll work. I’m being bold by saying it’ll work cus if I get eliminated I’ll look like a Doofenshmirtz. We’ll see. I’m already making charts to help me see who’s good and who’s not so good at comps. Comparing teammates to eachother and comparing the entire cast to eachother. Wish me luck. (Also I love everyone in this cast.)

So like I have so many mixed feelings about this cast. In terms of talking a lot of them are BORING or LEAVE ME ON READ, and like maybe for some it’s cause I’m not in their tribe but like, some people on my tribe still make me want to hit my head against a rock. So like that’s what I’m feeling.

Also think we’re gonna loose this immunity which I’ve hardly done anything for. So go me.

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Just a small update Mitch and I are chatting so that answers that question

"What's going on?" Well I shall tell you Anna Jane exactly what is going on. I need to get back into therapy that's what.

Apparently everyone is stressed about results and then there is me who does not care cause I want bodhi gone cause he legit doesn't talk to me so meh.

ALSO ALISSA FOUND AN IDOL QUEEEN. so we now have an idol between the 3 of us which could come in handy very much later down the road which we love! I have 100% trust in jack and alyssa now, with mo as my number 3 on this tribe. As much as i love tobi personally (hi tobi reading this post season) but like idk something is still off. he hasn't spoken much game to me at the moment so idk where his head is really at..

god help us its results this challenge was hard woo go cyrena!

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we lost by 1 point. oh my god. 1 point. that makes me wanna cry. dear god let this be a simple vote or i will actually start crying

WHY MUST I ALWAYS BE ON THE SHITTY TRIBE WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IS THERE SOME SICK SATISFACTION OF ME ALWAYS GOING TO TRIBAL????? FUCK

I am SO pumped! I do feel bad for the people on Cyrena, but where it stands now, them going to tribal I feel is best for my game just relationship-wise for me. Still, I can only hope I am making few bonds over on their end while maintaining the ones I have on my tribe and Tuatha as well. I do really hope Mo at least makes it because he helped me this morning when I was getting bummed about all the winner talk. I'm quite optimistic for right now!

I Wrote Alexis Maxwell But I Erased It

Well we won the challenge (BARELY), a bit annoyed that we submitted before I got another chance to take a crack at the photos. I feel like I could've maybe found 1 or 2 more before we submitted. Granted we'd need to have found either 3 more or beaten Orfeo to the punch if we had wanted the reward.

I think so long as Bodhi doesn't go on Cyrena I'm pretty indifferent about them losing. They're the people I talk to the least relatively. Ideally I'd probably want an Alyssa, or Matt boot, but I have no influence so we'll see what happens.

I'm just trying to be social and relatively unimposing right now. It's Day 8, now's not the time to be doing glaringly bold things.

um so we won wooh but still no 2nd idol im sad i want one. um wanted green tribe to go tribal but blue going again i hope bodhi/jack/alyssa leave cuz they dont talk to me ever um ya thatd be cute or maybe tobi cuz hes a snake but maybe he not a snake this time? my stan list atm is jared > zach = rhys > loris = chloe > everyone else. my unstan list is: sharky jack alyssa mitch <3 um yaa hope i can do sth. chris so good gotta always watch out for him jared asked who i wanted to go to f3 with and i said def not chris and he was like oh i wanted chris in end so like hes def a threat also he likes zach so um that needs to stop real quick.

I think it should be Bodhi or Tobi to go. Am I gonna say anything? Not right now, no. Will I say something later? No clue it depends. But Bodhi isn’t as active as the others and doesn’t participate all that much. Tobi is semi-active but isn’t great at challenges. I remember him being good at challenges so idk if he’s just distracted or not putting that much energy into this. I think a swap is happening after this potentially but if it ain’t it’s still best to vote out the weakest link. It might be me and I might just be super cocky rn but I don’t think it’s me.

hi! yesterday was a monumental day. I tried to mend my social game with those I hadn’t talked much to, which resulted in me having a lengthy conversation with jack, and making me feel a bit more secure in my tribe/in the event of a swap. the people I don’t talk to keep getting voted out which I’m very much a fan of but that’s probably because they were inactive so that trend might not continue :(. also I lied in my last conf I’m now in an alliance with Chris Jared kori and Bryce? I didn’t expect it but i didn’t feel too close with kori so that should help me solidify something there!! :) I’m thriving. don’t call me ANGEL!

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don’t call me ANGEL! (in case of task challenge :p)

So we won the challenge. Again. It’s really nice to be able to just sit back and relax in the game and watch people struggle but I’m really nervous about it because we’re all so kumbaya on the Oreo tribe that I don’t fully know who I can trust just yet. Another piece of tea is the fact that Alyssa has an idol which is great for me because it shows Alyssa trusts me and I can trust her for the time being. However I’m worried about Alyssa because we keep promising each other merge which tells me she won’t want to go to the end with me just yet so I gotta keep her close and we’ll see how much damage we can do but i think I’m thriving bc I actually know where an idol is compared to last time when I had no clue.

so previously on The Adventures of a F*g, i had a small breakdown about the game. i dont know if true, but bryce informed me of an alliance between kori/jared/bryce/loris/chris, and the last two named are super close allies of mine (the closest on my tribe). they like.. didnt tell me shit about it and idk i guess i just feel excluded and it sucks that im in legit 0 (real) alliances. ive been doing good socially i thought and i dont know but i feel like i really sucked.

meanwhile, i sat down with a bag of salt and vinegar lays chips and talked to myself. why was i doing bad? why was i in 0 alliances? why no one like me?

then it hit me... like boom.

i realized that a typical flaw i had this game was caring too much. i pride myself on my ability to read situations (barring paranoia) and i know myself very well. like, i realized that since i was too concerned with doing good and proving myself, i kind of lost the fun of it all and probably come off as fake or forcible to other people. that isn't authentic.

BUT MY EPIPHANY increased even further. how? i dont know!! my brains so fucking big. i just had to be goofy. yes, i want to do good. i really do. but i played once before in this series and got RU pots and 5th. i know i am capable of being a good player and im content with that, and now that im moving into that mindset where this game wont no longer dictate whether im good or bad, im going to start having fun.

i know this isnt about game really but its like... #selfdiscovery

but ya i just wanted to update yalls on that. i won immunity though so im f18 and probs in swap. woo. finna get fucked. anyway, thank u.

and since i want like attention on this post im going to put tags.

#selfdiscovery #justgirlythings #l4l #follow4follow #gay #faggot #0alliances #disney #anime #weeb #lgbt #survivor #bigbrother #celestial

After we won the face morph challenge, it has been pretty slow. I still have a solid group with me Stephen Z and Jared. Kori and Bryce are close, Jared and I are close, Rhys and Jared are close, and Stephen and I are close. Those are the allegiances I know of right now, but things could change. Lucky for the alliance of 5, they all get to stick together. If there is a swap though, I won't hesitate to flip on bryce/rhys/kori if the opportunity presents itself. I am also kind of worried I am not keeping up socially. I have had a busy week, so my availability is limited, but I try to talk to as many people as I can when I am available. If my predicitons are correct, we should expect a swap soon. I'd love to meet up with Michael, Bodhi, Alyssa, Chloe, Drew, and Mo just to name a few. I feel like I have been able to connect well with everyone except Matt H.

So, as per my last confessional we are at tribal. And I'm conflicted. As said before I have an alliance with jack and Alyssa and they are my main 2 at the moment like love them both. We helped Alyssa find the idol and we now have a vote steal which I found. However I am feeling kinda conflicted over this vote. Jack and Alyssa want to get rid of Tobi but I personally want bodhi gone. He doesn't talk to me like at all and like he's not the best at challenges. I wanna keep Tobi as well for like a laugh because I genuinely love him. We all agreed to keep mo thank god but still, a lil conflicted. AGH. I have found a vote steal tho woo. I'm not going to be happy but I'll swallow my pride and just go with the alliance, because I'm not out here trying to make waves and be unloyal at the moment. That's for later LOL

I think there is a relatively high chance that i'm going home here, considering its 1 and a half hours till tribal and people "still haven't heard anything" so i'm assuming that i'm getting the chop here which sucks... I tried pretty hard considering i've been pretty busy and like they're not giving me much to work with here and it feels like im trying to break through a wall. I'm trying to get the target on bodhi but no one is fucking online to even try to talk to about it so i'm at  a lost for what to do here... I want to stay but i just don't know how to do that when no one is talking to me... i could just be extremely paranoid and i sound delusional right now but idk something feels off here... its so annoying when I enjoy talking to other tribes more than my own NNNN like i really wish things were different but they're not so i'm just gonna try my best and see what happens

Woo we win again. Im trying to step up socially with my tribe, although who knows how long it's gonna matter bc we're prob swapping tonight. Apparently people were saying mo's name, let's pray it doesn't happen bc he's a good fucking kid.

Well it's been a slow couple of days for me. In game I can't really speak much to anything that may have happened. I feel like Tuatha has had a bit of a kumbaya casual flow going on. Which isn't necessarily bad but it makes it hard for me to know how I'm really doing.

Tobi was messaging me worried it might be him, which admittedly wouldn't be the worst thing given how we ended our last game. I was kindof an ass which I kindof leaned into after essentially throwing that game, but I still wish I'd found a way to end things better with him. While there are others I'd rather see go, his boot is one I can probably accept.

If it isn't him then oof who knows then. So long as it isn't Bodhi from that tribe. Overall I'm feeling ok, but I don't want to get complacent, it's just so early that I really don't know what to make of things. One world still isn't really helping since I'm still struggling to try and make conversation with EVERYONE. I really should consider just narrowing it down to some instead of all.

I’m sure hoping this works out for me if there is a tribe swap like a suspect, I think I’ve built some strong enough connections but without going to tribal it’s just not possible for me to be 100%

I've never been on a tribe with a winning streak I feel like I'm in the upside down hahaha. I'm having a great time and getting to know everybody and not having the stress of tribal is great. Sucks for the other tribes OOP

Nothing much is happening! I am still set up perfectly on my tribe and Bodhi has informed me that either Mo or Matt might be going. That was at the beginning of the round so it could really be anyone. I just hope it isn't Bodhi Alyssa or Mo.

Ok this past round was ok. I just kind of let us lose immunity and then we voted out Tobi. I didn’t want to vote out Tobi but that fucker voted for me so I don’t really care at all fuck him.

So not very much has changed on Tuatha as far as I can tell. My tribe winning the immunity challenge has helped me delay any confrontation between my 2 alliances which is great, as it should theoretically allow me to maintain relationships with all 6 members of the tribe. Still, it's going to keep being important to win immunity or pray for a swap in order to keep these groups from clashing.

Jared and Rhys are still a ? for me. I don't know why/how Rhys was able to convince Kori to invite Jared to the alliance of 5 instead of Mitch, and it worries me that those 2 may have a stronger bond than I immediately suspected. Hopefully I'll have an opportunity to deal with that when the time comes.

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Tobi is voted out 5-1. We swap!

[wayneooverton]

All the mean, nasty and godawful hateful things people say to me online

Guys, why do people troll on the internet? Why are blogger hate comments a thing? Let this be the philosophical question of the day. Please, god, why? WHY? WHY?

And of all the people, why me? I’m a perfectly innocent little travel blogger over here, just minding my own business. The purpose of this blog is to inspire people to travel, what is so confronting about that? Move along. Why can people be so mean to me online? I don’t get it. I’m lovely, alright?

Just kidding. Sometimes I’m a shit stirrer. I stir the pot on purpose. If I see something I think is wrong, I say it. Also, god did not see fit to gift me with grace or tact. I am really good at regularly putting my foot in my mouth, often publicly. I also don’t know when to back away. And I’m cynical. Is this a recipe for a well-loved image? I’m not quite sure.

At least I’m real, right? Of all my flaws at least I like to think I’m authentic, the only truly honest blogger in a sea of vapid, shallow fools.

Stop talking, Liz. Like right now.

Anyways, it’s no secret, I get mean comments on the regular, so regular in fact that I have been doing annual round ups of the best mean comments I get every single year since 2012. I know I’m shamefully overdue on this post. I completely missed 2016.

2016 was an intense year for me, and when it came down to digging through comments looking for the horrible ones, I just couldn’t bring myself to go down that particular roller coaster. It was also the first year I started to get death threats. I just wasn’t in the mood. Can you forgive me?

Hate comments aren’t a novelty to me anymore, and they haven’t been for a long time. I’ve gotten tens of thousands of comments over the years, with a small percentage of them being ugly, and I’ve learned to just let them slide by in a giant wave of pity – I truly for sorry for anyone that takes the time to hate me so much online. Also, I’m probably laughing at you.

The best hate I got in 2015

The best hate I got in 2014

The best hate I got in 2013

The best hate I got in 2012

Also, I’ve really just stopped paying attention when people troll me; five years of regular trolls has given me armor. I went from being a delicate rose who bruised easily to a goddamn rhino. Go on, try and say something to mean to me. It can hardly be any worse that what I’ve gotten before.

And to be honest, it’s the same shit day in and day out. You’re privileged (yeah I know), you’re entitled (no I am not, thank you), you travel off your daddy’s money (HA, if you only knew…), you’re ugly, you’re fat, you’re stupid, you swear too much, you’re a know it all, you do this why don’t you do that, blah blah blah it never fucking ends.

Honestly, I yearn for the creative insults. I think my trolls have gotten lazy. Where’s the witty banter? The colorful backhanded comments? The passive aggressive DMs? They’ve disappeared into regular grammatically ugly “what a c*nt” and “how is this blog even popular” lazy comments. I mean for fuck’s sakes guys, if you’re gonna come for me, try a little.

But I digress. Back by popular demand, I’ve taken the time to dig through my work and find the best of the best blogger hate comments, the most entertaining, the ugliest, the cruelest, the worst hate comments I get just for you. Because at the end of the day, the only way we can deal with this BS is just to laugh. You’re welcome. Enjoy.

1. The most popular Facebook comment in response to an article about how I built my career in blogging

And if she wasn’t a young blond with a penchant for putting out to old men she’d be working at Officeworks for $15/hr

I want to start an argument about feminism here but just can’t be fucked.

2. And the second most liked comment on the same article 

The only thing worse than a human that resembles a vacuous opportunistic sponge is the plethora of parasites that aspire to be just that.

Just so we’re clear, I’m the sponge and you’re the parasite in this allegory.

3. Writing about how Jane Goodall inspires me to be better with conservation

You are not an “activist for saving the planet.” The number of flights you take each year creates more carbon emissions that most of us create in our LIVES. If you actually cared about the environment you would travel solely by bike and public transport with an occasional flight, not dozens of international flights a year. Get a grip.

I mean, fair point. I’d love some tips about biking overseas from the island of New Zealand where I live.

4. I really hate it when people don’t get sarcasm online on my how to cheat on Instagram

Teaching young people that life depends on Instagram. Thats great and people were wondering what was happening to our decaying society. Telling them that their popularity will increase if they sell their sexuality too. Wow what a true feminist you are. Pathetic. The whole millennial generation is going to be morally bankrupt.

I just facepalmed so hard.

5. Speaking of Instagram…

Not to be rude, just honest, but I noticed your photos have extremely low engagement for “168K” followers. I wonder if the companies who pay you notice this.

Guys, I’m literally one of the ONLY people who doesn’t cheat on Instagram! That’s why my engagement isn’t out of this world. But thanks for pointing that out.

6. That one time I wrote that Central Otago is one of the only regions in New Zealand that has four distinct seasons (which is true)

Seriously? The only region in New Zealand that experiences four distinct seasons? You need to travel more and drink less Pinot. I’m not even sure how I got your spam mail, but I live here, not just a FIFO tourist. If you want to trade travel stories, I’m sure you’ll lose.

You can’t make me drink less Pinot!!!! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!

7. When I wrote a million years ago about things that I hate that people do on airplanes

Sounds like a person who wrote the original article needs more than Ambien. probably could use some Xanax and some Prozac also. when you travel on a plane you know there is also something called other human beings. Get a grip. judging by your photo, You’re not that cute or anything special…..

Hope you find the help you need.

Kisses!

You know, funny story. One time in Bangkok I went to a pharmacy to get some sleeping pills for upcoming long haul flights – sometimes in Southeast Asia I can get strong sleeping pills over the counter. They gave me Xanax, no questions asked. Best flight ever. In fact, imagine if Xanax was provided on all long-haul flights. Who do I need to speak to about this?

8. Any time I provoke the vegans, one of my favorite pastimes 

Me: writes thousands of words about wildlife, travel, sustainable tourism practices or about anything really

All of the vegans: You should consider going vegan

Me: but, bacon? So tasty.

All of the vegans: PITCHFORKS AT ATTENTION!

As a close friend used to say, do not negotiate with terrorists, Liz.

9. When I wrote a blog post about how to move to New Zealand as American (if you need some entertaining, go read through the comments) which is a minefield!

It is not your home. even if you wish it was it’s not, it is new zealands home. fuck off to your own home. leave mine alone… just fuck off back to usa and leave nz to be nz. stop telling people how to get here, we don’t want you. most nzers hate americans, you are boring n have no sense of humour, just fuck off bck to usa and leave nzers to our own country, plus u don’t get my point cos u dumb american.if u don’t want to be thought of a american sterotype don’t act like dunb american cunt….you are such a dunb cunt. this is why we hate you.

I can’t look beyond the grammatical and spelling errors in this, honestly I tried, but I can’t.

Yes go ahead pls MOVE out from US we don’t need weak, pathetic, ignorant ppl here who need “safe-spaces” You have been brain washed by fake media like cnn, fox, abc etc for too long

I just can’t.

Congratulations on proving again that liberal thought is shallow and feelings-based. Too much reading making your head hurt?

I’m literally the biggest reader you’ve ever met. Don’t even.

I read the first couple of paragraphs and had to stop. As a Trump supporter, I am offended by your words and will now stop following you. It’s really too bad that you offend some of your followers, here I thought I was following a travel blog. Please do move to NZ, because America will be better off without you!!

It’s ok, I’m ashamed to have had you as a reader.

That response obviously shows why 20 something women shouldn’t even have the right to vote.

*Begins to pull hair out of own head*

Im just trying to save you from having to take depression medication for the rest of your life thats all. What are you on now Zoloft or Prozac?

Neither, unfortunately. I sure could use one after reading this.

10. I appeared in a big NBC Dateline special about American’s moving to New Zealand and man, that opened the floodgates of crazy

Stay out of America you traitor bitch.

This was the first of many comments calling me a traitor.

STAY OUT OF AMERICA YOU BITCH. HOPE A HOBBIT KILLS YOUR SORRY ASS CUNT.

LOL!!!

STAY OUT OF AMERICA YOU BITCH. I hope a sheep kills you and your family you faggot, the USA is the best country ever.

Me: I feel so sorry for you

I feel worse for you, you no good commie bastard. Stay out of my country and fuck off cunt. Fuck you you no life blogger get a real job.

Me: You feel better now?

Yes, I’m living in the US of A #MAGA fuck. Cuck.

Me: Well I feel better living in a place with people nicer than you. And I have healthcare. And I can spell.

BOOM! How’d they do? What’s the worst thing anyone has said to you online? Do you get trolled? How do you cope? Spill!

The post All the mean, nasty and godawful hateful things people say to me online appeared first on Young Adventuress.

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[wedadatef]

badassصلب، قوي Yea its you One and only Trademark yourself before someone steals you نعم لكنت واحدة والعلامات التجارية نفسك فقط قبل شخص يسرق لك hi!! how are you? good cool what's up? every thing is fine oh cool tell me what happened with you last time? ??? what? you said you will tell me tomorrow sorry i was updateing on twitter just forget it oh! it's okay so tell me againnnn tell u what just over it i don't know what are you talking about tell me why are you reacting that too narrow last time ?? when i asked you.you said you will tell me tomorrow i told you accept me like that u don't like it just scape this chat   you know you're the most innocent girl i know thats why i am talking to you too freely please don't hate haha i don't u force me to hate when i said just forget it just do it no we had a nice chat last time did i begged you for pictures?? did i forced you to do such forbidden things ? i just a want an open minded friend عليا و عليكي حياتي sorry send it wrong okay but please anwser me did i begged you for pictures?did i forced you to do such forbidden things ? i just a want an open minded friend a one female friend who can share everything with me and i can share everything with her that's it we can be friends then? talk all time about sadness and happiest everything but not about your bra size or talking from that u understanding me orr will you be in flirtationship with me?? More than best friend and less than relationship it will be fun nope no issues just share your feeling and thaughts with me and i will share mine with you what the point ? what's problem in that?? the point is you can tell me about your desires and your wishes and i will share mine with you okay ?? lol nuh no just said yes then i will ask you a question that you have to answer i don't how would you react if i asked that question you will think that i am illiterate or get dropped from college or a man with illness but it's very interesting question and think that muslim community has it's answer ????! answer me muslim community yeah you're muslim i know what do you mean about muslim community just said yes yes i am i just do get what u said okay ask me do you believe in spirit and super natural things? or paranormal stuff? yes u don't i believe in black magic too same.. i believe it but some people call me i am just faggot are u a muslim too no i belongs to Christianity what the f*** ??? what?? ok brother we are one muslim or Christian religion does not matter okay but why did you said What The Fuck ?? is there any problem talking to Christians?? What relationship between believed in ghosts and faggot no i called u a bro u think it's a broplem they think i am idiot no u don't no when i said i belongs to Christianity then you said WHAT THE FUCK i am asking you that is there any problem with me ? believe in spirit and super natural things? or paranormal Stov I think the spirits and the supernatural found in the Bible and the Qur'an because i am Christian no no no no no i have many friends even i love justin bieber sooooooooooooooo much and selena gomez and they are Christian yeah but now days humans think that science is god is it wrong okay k i don't like it when you said what the fuck okay have you ever heard of these things? about spirit and super natural things? اسم شبح ghost, shadow, bogey, sprite, phantom, apparition روح spirit, soul, life, essence, psyche, ghost خيال imagination, fantasy, fiction, silhouette, shadow, ghost طيف spectrum, shadow, ghost, vision, phantom, shade ظل shadow, shade, umbrage, umbra, ghost روح شريرة evil spirit, poltergeist, ghost, ghoul زور ghost, spectrum yep yes tell me About it my brother see 3 ghost You received a photo! Click and hold to viewreally?? when tell me from the beginning A deserted place for a long time was a mill for wheat just that yep yes tell me About it my brother see 3 ghost You received a photo! Click and hold to viewreally?? when tell me from the beginning A deserted place for a long time was a mill for wheat just that and? when did they see ghosts? Message failed to send: that what he said that what he said last year in march oh cool what are ghost doing? nothing just show off and disappears can i ask why did you ask me that? Coz you're muslim just that cuz i'm muslim yeah u didn't know whay?? There is a program on the radio about the true horror and the ring was inhabited for hotels, hotel inhabited all located in America, Canada, Italy You received a photo! Click and hold to view Mar 14, 2017, 11:16 PM i know that show are u arab for god sake no i am not an Arabic Guy hahahahahahhahaa cuz u say i know it i know that show not arabic that's an arab show on the radio no i think i watch other one then Ghost Hunters i watch that show and that's not even in arabic language https://youtu.be/1iZ5T8a4JGQ i know   Mar 14, 2017, 11:26 PM then?? why did you told me i am arabic? i feel oor u older man idk i'm not even usually awake by then by the way why u wake ? well idk couldnt sleep was feeling idk i I used to wake early from college then i wake up now what time is early for you? 5 am all the week i wake up at 5am WOW yes im travel to coolege and go home how long does it take to go to college? 2hour omg yeaah wow you are dedicated my name wedad nice talking to you Wedad! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cT8F4TbX2t4 everything is possible ...but true love is impossible Hi Looking for a decent female for a friendly conversation Let's have a chat Clean chat only...! Can't even stand my own attitude sometimes, another person's is impossible! so please keep it simple... 15 مارس 01:28 ص What do you do?? I am a doctor i'm a student 4our year agriculture and biology college You live in Egypt? Good May i look at you? y? Maybe we can good friends Photo opened!it that debented on a pic? Nop or? Just wanted to see arab people You people look more cute aha good answer but not convince me I don't want to convince you so Why I convince you? I am not going to propose you send ur pic who told you i will agree if you going to propose me I know your response ? That's why I am not proposing lol ok send ur pic Photo expired Mar 14, 2017, 11:59 PM What are you doing now? Mar 15, 2017, 12:02 AM nothing How many members are in your family? You have boyfriend? nope 5 Why you don't have boyfriend? You look cute when i have a boyfriend he will be my husband not just a boyfriend That's good YUP You have fb?? We can chat there? no Thanx i have to go right now Going Where? we can talk later at night if u still online So late When you will be back baby? After how much time Mar 15, 2017, 1:01 AM ???? i am not an older man Mar 15, 2017, 12:46 AM hey!! Mar 15, 2017, 1:26 AM HII AGAIN hahaha so tell me more about ghosts i just believe it i don't know much to tell you ok tell me about yourself and your family my name wedad Wedad? ok have 5 members in my family what does that mean? yes it's my name if u wonder about meaning it's about love eachother and be kind and frieandly my baba passed by since 2012   that name is matched to your personality that my name meaning cool awww that's so bad RIP your Dad yes it so hard to lose most person u love most hardest if he is your father yeah it is i am so sorry and how many sisters do you have? 3 cool hey u ask me u didn't say anything about you i am only one in my fam mom dad have three cousin Kenita Raphile Kristen My real name David Johnesburg Love's to dance hate violence flirticious but good from heart 1m what? wait i'll be back oh okay back so did you read my bio? darkkness don't be afraid? haha yeah i was the most daring guy in college once i saved poor older guy from thugs got broke my ankle and get deep cut Wrist nearly half of my veins get ripped a man return from darkest nightmare you know i wanna be a muslim guy like hashashins heros from 1300 century i'm soo sorry wait i'll be back again okay hashashins؟ i can't read it yeah what is mean u such a hero save a man from bad things they are the ones who work in the dark to serve the light hahaha i want everyone to be happy and want to be there hero good are u here in this app all time online every time so that if i get died on one day my relatives and the ones who knows me wil tell everyone how they know me no just enjoying holidays after exams i wonder if i wanna talk to u again so where i can find you on chatous u can't be online again i will be u just said just enjoying holidays after exams ok give me your WhatsApp i don't have oh!! i will be there at this time daily i even don't have a phone mine was stolen last monday i told ya before give me your number oh yeah you told me once actually there is restriction ؟ for giving our phone number to other Muslim citizens sorry تناقض contradiction, conflict, discrepancy, inconsistency, ambivalence, opposition تكذيب denial, contradiction إنكار denial, negation, renunciation, refusal, disavowal, contradiction التناقض الكامل contradiction, polarity كلام مناقض لنفسه contradiction that rule was passed by that fucking idiot trump even in canada i don't know why the fuck this happens You received a photo! Click and hold to view Mar 14, 2017, 9:12 PM Prevent Muslims from entering the country do not take their phone numbers justin trudeau is a nice guy i don't know why did he accepted Trump's suggestion wait u was asking for my WhatsApp why contradiction yeah coz you want to be in contact with me? right i can't give you my number yup but u can give me yours that's the rule no i can't too forget it okay no problem so now we're in Flirtationship with me ? Message failed to send: NOPE NOPE just kidding HEHE and pulling your leg discreet حصيف, متحفظ, عاقل, حذر, حكيم, سري reserved محجوز, متحفظ, محتشم, كتوم, مفرد لغرض خاص, مدخر للمستقبل cautious حذر, متحفظ, محترس reticent كتوم, متحفظ, صموت, قليل الكلام, متكتم aloof متحفظ careful دقيق, حذر, شديد الحرص, معتن, يقظ, متحفظ secretive كتوم, متكتم, مكتوم, مفرز, متحفظ, إفرازي close قريب, أساسي, حميم, دقيق, ضم, متحفظ incommunicable متحفظ, متعذر إبلاغه wary حذر, محترس, متحفظ, يقظ incommunicative متحفظ uncommunicative صموت, متحفظ taciturn قليل الكلام, صموت, كتوم, متحفظ, سكيت self-contained متحفظ, متميز بضبط النفس, مستقل stand-offish متحفظ

[tonidorsay]

ContraMagica: Resistance Is Magical!

Part One: Prologue -- Chapter 1 Mar 29 at 12:14pm Prescriptivist thinking limits people to known , conserves and regresses. Descriptivist thinking limits people by what theyboundaries can see is possible, progresses and liberates. Chapter 1 “The caged bird sings because you put her there, and she’s calling her friends to help, ya damn fool.” “What do we want?” “Equality!” “When do we want it?” “Now!” Chicory hollered with the crowd, looking out over the group that had gathered here today, glancing over at Sylvia, who had the mic and was leading the chants. It was a good-sized protest. Looked about three hundred people, which put it at one of the larger ones so far. Better than that one a few months ago, where she had hauled a ton of signs and her medic kit and the portable amp to the site and ended up with three others. She hadn’t even organized that one. All she’d done was bring stuff. The organizers thanked her, and she never saw them again. Most of the folks here today were not from her precinct, either. That was bothersome, but a midday protest on a weekday rarely drew a good crowd, so it was even better. The challenge to Roe. That had to be the reason. Forget the added tax on hygiene products that sucked the money out of the wallet or the renewed focus on single earner households the new tax code pushed. “Fucking Trump and his god awful fascist shit weasels.” She let slip in that odd direct to mouth thought habit of hers. The gal whose name she had failed, as usual, to remember, gave her a push and a nod at hearing it. “Hell yeah, Sister!” Chicory smiled back, stepped back as Sylvia began to wind down her speech. Though, to look at the crowd, it was winding them up at the same time. They were angry, a few dozen pink crochet hats bobbing, many signs waving side to side and up and down, voices raw with emotion that she could almost feel even as she slid along the side of the temporary platform – the soapbox she had built and could assemble and take down in under 30 minutes and could fit into her station wagon, still capable of supporting a good ten people. “Infrastructure. It works.” She intoned as a motto of pride in herself. She had all the stuff to put together a protest at the drop of a hat, and it all fit in the back of her car. Down to a science. Had she been a boy scout in her past life, she would have totally gotten that preparedness badge. Plus, it kept her away from being the one out front, which she hated. Better to be the support person than the lead. Easier for her that way. After 50 plus years on this rock, she had learned that lesson very well. Despite the serious thinking of running for office that had been occupying much of her downtime of late. Someone had to do something about this. These goons were wrecking the country, and while at first it had seemed like they were just somehow god awful lucky to get into office, the midterms had shown just how bad things really were, as they took control of the Senate and snagged three more states. The Amendment they were almost certain to pass was one of the worst things ever seen in history, and even with that so many people totally missed just how bad it was. She sighed, shook her head as she made her way to the edge, planning to take a photo. Politics were always so upsetting. She liked it better when she had been working the other side of things. But with every major human rights law of the last sixty years about to be undone in the name of “smaller government”, it was politics now. Would be nice if she could get a damn job, too, come to think of it. She bumped into another woman. “Oh, damn, I’m sorry.” She looked at her. Muslim, maybe, or Mennonite. Either way, a good sign. She had pretty blue eyes that seemed to sparkle, and a shock of white hair under her head covering. Really pale skin, with the lightest hint of nearly grey freckles. Something clattered, drawing Chic’s eyes down to the ground, where a cell phone rested. “Here, let me get that. Sorry.” She knelt to pick it up, her skirt a little too tight for the bending over. Chic could hear the smile in the chuckle. “Thank you.” The phone was a strange looking sort. At first, she thought it was an iPhone, then a one of the latest Androids, but as she lifted it realized it was something even more strange. It was slightly thicker than an older iPhone, hinged along one side, with one of those edge screens. It folded. One screen on the outside, what looked like two inside, and a set of card pockets on the back. “Wow. Nice phone!” “Oh, you like it? Kind of a collector’s edition. Only three dozen made.” The woman agreed. “Name’s Whisk, Chicory. Nice to meet you.” Chic blinked as the woman took the phone from her. She had spoken, that’s right. Introduced and thanked, too. So yeah, her name was out there. “Hey, that’s almost as odd as my name! Nice to meet you. Sorry, again; I hope it isn’t broken!” “I’m sure its fine. You seem to be a bit older than most of the crowd here.” Chic nodded as she stepped around, turning to finish with the woman as she kept on her goal. “Yeah. Fifty four soon. Still feel like 21, though! Gotta keep going. Sorry!” She turned back around, avoided another collision, and made it to the edge of the crowd, pulling out her own phone, an older model iPhone she didn’t have service for but had picked up during a better time. Before her husband had died. She framed the shot, clicked a few frames, started to move to another position, and noticed something ahead of her. “Oh shit.” “Yes, that doesn’t look good, does it?” She turned to her right, and there was Whisk again. “Oh, hey, sorry, didn’t see you there. Um, you might want to head out.” “Police a common sight at these protests?” “Not really, but they did just pass that riot law. And they don’t deal well with women who wear head coverings, Ma’am. Might be wiser if you head out.” A shout caught the attention of the crowd and the stage both. It felt as if the entire crowd suddenly fell silent and turned to face the squad of police officers marching down the street behind riot shields. Chicory started to push through the crowd to get to the front. If she got there in time she might be able to stop it from getting bad. From getting ugly. It had gotten ugly in Berkeley. But that was Berkeley. It always got ugly there. Chicago, too. Peoria, though, didn’t usually get ugly. And it had gotten really ugly there. Her heart beat faster. It was mostly younger folks in the back. She spotted a tallish teenager holding hands with her boyfriend. She had a shirt that said “Girl Power”, he wore a Captain America punching Nazi’s tee, his free hand holding up a “Save Roe” sign. They were truly a cute couple. Their generation was the one that would have to be the foot soldiers in this fight. She tripped, caught herself just before impact on her hands, bruising her palms and scratching one up. “Ow!” She turned, angry, looking up. “Fucking faggot!” The spit hit her right in the eye, followed by a sharp pain in her ribs. Some guy had kicked her! She wiped the spit from her face with one hand, gritted her teeth, pushed herself back up as she felt the crowd part. “That’s fucking tranny, turdblossom. If you are going to insult someone, try to use the right insult next time. Also, try real hard not to start something you can’t finish.” The guy was in his late twenties, short spiky hair, white, of course, because it was always fucking white dudes. He gaped at her for a moment, trying to figure out something “cool” to do in front of his two friends. Chic was not happy. This kind of thing was just what the cops needed as an excuse. If these boys start… One of the tough’s friends jumped up and punched a nearby black woman from behind in the back of the head. No warning. The second one dove for Chic, catching her around the waist and pushing her back down to the ground. The first one turned into the crowd as well. As he did, Chic caught sight of an id card in his back pocket. The sort worn on a lanyard. The sort working folks wore often these days. The sort that had been talked about by people at protests that had gotten ugly. A couple folks had posted photos of them on Twitter, almost immediately taken down by the service for unspecified reasons. She took the blows to her face and body from the kid, waiting for him to stop and move on. This was not a random event. It was a set up. Which meant that what happened to her wasn’t early as important as getting folks out of there safely and quickly. Because it was going to get ugly. Even as she thought it, she heard the sound, her eyes closed. The chunk, whoosh, clatter, fuzy burble of the grenade. Tear Gas. “Attention Rioters, this is an illegal gathering inciting rebellion and terrorism. Do not resist, lay down on the ground, face down, hands on your head immediately.” Chic opened her eyes. Her purse was still at her side. The punk was off her. Her cheek hurt, her lip bled, and she was certain her ribs were at least bruised. She reached in her bag, pulled the sleeve of wet masks out of it as she staggered to her feet and looked around. Another canister of gas struck a woman in her thirties in the head, dropping her like a wet blanket. A man next to her waved his arms, kicked the canister away, knelt beside her. The Riot cops moved into the crowd, and Chic heard a rumbling from behind them but couldn’t see what it was. She knew, though. She watched the boyfriend go down under a Billy club. The girl was just pushed down. Chic duck ran to the man with the woman on the ground, ripped open the sleeve, handed him a couple wet masks. “Put this on. Corner of Adams and Fifth is a first aid station. Carry her, by whatever way you can. Go!” She tapped him on the knee as he nodded, putting the mask on. People were screaming. Some of the younger folks were yelling at the cops. A decent number had formed a chain, linking arms. Others were struggling to get away. Those who had followed orders, more than a few, were suddenly realizing this wasn’t the time or place. Across the street, a white masked, hoodie wearing someone threw a stone into a window. “Fuck!” Chic yelled, upset at the gravel in her voice. It was a riot now. A well-planned riot. Someone had to have joined the Facebook group as a spy. Great Just great. Another thing that was her fault. She was supposed to have been checking them, but had gotten lazy. People were running everywhere. She handed out several of the masks. The gas didn’t faze her, though. Never had. The formulations were fairly common, and hadn’t change in decades, and she was that one in however many gazillion who had found out she could hack most tear gas when in Basic in the Army. She had failed to seal her mask in the chamber, and the Top had come in and ripped it off, expecting her to freak. She didn’t. It has almost no effect on her. Red eyes, and in about an hour she would have the most runny nose ever, but she didn’t even cough if she breathed short, shallow, frequent breaths. Something was funny about this tear gas, though. It made her itch. All over. Everywhere. Even in places tear gas didn’t reach. It was almost fiery. She saw Jason on the opposite side of the crowd. He was a shorter, far more handsome guy than she had been in another life, but he was a lot like her otherwise. And he had been off today and agreed to come out to work as security. He was her son. Her pride. The one thing she had left to Love in the world. His being gay might get in the way of the grandma thing, but eh. She could live with that. But he was in danger. He was at risk. He was… “Jay! Duck!” She screamed. Her voice carried. At an octave lower than her normal speaking voice. He turned to look at her, dropped a half second later, the sign swinging plant missing him by a hair. The plant raised the sign again to chop down on him, and suddenly met the full fury of Chicory’s charge striking him in the side. As they struck the ground, she drove her elbow into his gut, flipped her legs around his, and head butted him, followed with a palm to his chin, driving his teeth together. He groaned, and she got up, taking Jason’s help as she did so. “Thanks, Mom.” He looked around. “We better get a few more folks out of here fast, there’s a tank or something coming. Unless you’ve got more of that Wonder Woman in you.” Chic looked towards the sound, saw the line of riot cops had broke up into three sections, pushing back on people, clubs swinging those in the gaps, a group behind the front line zip tying people as it moved forward, leaving them on the ground. Behind them, dozens of protestors lay on the ground, nearly all of them bleeding in some way, arms zip tied behind their backs, and almost out of sight she spotted the girl and her boyfriend. Something tugged at her inside. “I just might, at that.” “Want help?” Chic shook her head. “You’ll be better at getting the hurt out of here before the cops get close enough. That chain is going to last probably about another five minutes. Once it does, no matter what, you get the hell out of here. I’ll give you a buzz later tonight.” Jason nodded, gave the recovering plant a kick. “That’s for fucking with my Mom.” Chic was moving before she even realized it. She was big for a woman. Despite myths to the contrary, she wasn’t even as strong as most women. Age had not done her bones favors, either. But Chic was a gal who had done things in her life she wasn’t happy about. But wasn’t afraid of having done, either. Adrenaline raced through her, heart hammering hard in her chest. Her lungs gasped as she reached the chain. Smoking. She had only given it up last year after nearly thirty years, but the price had been high. Took three tries, too. She caught a glimpse out of the corner of her eye of the punk that had tripped her. He was shadowing her. She turned towards him. He was holding his ear and talking, turned to glance at her, his face shifting to surprise. “Holy shit, she made me!” Kid had an earwig? What the hell, Chic though as she closed the gap. He moved away from her, broke into a sprint she was never going to catch up with. Chic adjusted her path again, heading for a gap between the buildings and the flank of a Riot group. She reached inside for more strength as she neared the line, knowing she was going to give out shortly after it, hit a sprint speed, right up on her toes, leaning into it. The cop line flashed by her, her curls a mess, her skirts tight against her legs, her focus narrowing to the girl on the ground beneath the shadow that had formed in the gas behind her. She could hear the footsteps. She reached blindly in her purse, fumbling for the pocket knife, thumbing the large blade even as she pulled out, hoping like hell she wouldn’t drop it. This was going to hurt like hell, she reminded herself, as she suddenly dropped into a slide that ended right next to the girl and her boyfriend. The boy was a few feet closer. He was having a seizure or something, eyes rolled back in his head. She quickly cut his bonds, feet first, hands second. He suddenly sprang up and grabbed her, pushed her down, eyes wild and red and swollen, breath ragged and foul. Chic looked over at the girl as he climbed up on her, pinning her down, just in time to see her head crushed by the wheels of the Riot Vehicle. It stopped just as the wheel passed over her. The air went out of Chicory at that moment, her eyes huge, the shock of it unbelievable. Something hit her, hard, bouncing her skull on the pavement, a gasping cry forced from her, and then hit again, the world spinning. She was flipped, and pummeled again, struggling to get her arms around her head which pounded and throbbed, her arms painfully wrenched and pulled back, her wrists suddenly searing as something cut into her. “That’s one of them, all right. Bag her.” She shook her head slightly, lifted it to see who was talking and someone shoved a bag over her head. “What the fuck!” Third time was the charm, as again something hit her hard in the head, bouncing her face off the street, and sending her into darkness. ----- If you liked this, there are four more chapters available at http://www.patreon.com/dyssonance For free! Join magical girl warriors Columbia, Hispania, Diaspora, Tethys, and Europa as they come into their own, discover their powers, and work to end oppression at home and abroad, uncovering a vast conspiracy and even taking a trip to a big White House to punch some nazi's in a roundish room. Subscriptions are a buck a month, and you get at least one chapter a week. I gots bills, they're multiplying, and the the blues aren't fading away But the power, you supplyin...

[beaver-time-blog]

RTBC #11

Here’s a good Reason to be Canadian

You Have The Right To Be Canadian II

                 Welcome to 2017, where feminism mean elitism (nothing new), racism means safety (an oldie but a goodie), and irony is a dear departed memory of our past (Like compassion, trust, and rationality). Now we could dwell on the socio-political nonsense the previous year had been, but that would be a bigger waste of time than the governor general pretending to not adore thick black cock. SO! Let us do our finest imitation of a 69-ing Tom Cruise and look forward… to the future… not David Miscavige’s alien-probed butthole. Today we take a trip down south to Canada’s biggest neighbor, the United States of America! Yes the land of the brave and the home of the free, or whatever, is Canada’s biggest trade partner, and very much our social sister. Take any Canadian, and simply remove everything altruistic and neighborly about them. Ta-Da! Instant American. Now I’ve had many people claim that our differences are obsolete and irrelevant, but I’ve also had Tom Mulcair look me dead and the eye and say his favorite food group wasn’t cum, so I have trust issues. Now I bring up the U.S. because of an incredible moment that was overlooked by some during the 2016 presidential election, which may well have defined the fate of both countries occupying North America. Before we bring up that subject, however, please allow a message from our sponsors…

                Quick ad read then to the laughs...

                Today’s reason to be Canadian is brought to you in part by “Shutting the fuck up!”. Are you full of rage and tears over the electoral decision of your country? Do you perhaps toss and turn every night over something somebody said that wasn’t perfectly in line with your predetermined beliefs? Are you by chance someone who identifies as a feminist? Are you Jenny McCarthy? Try “Shutting the fuck up!”!! “Shutting the fuck up” will provide you with all the time in the world to do things like; Checking the mail! Educating yourself on an issue! Appreciating how good you have it! Getting the fuck off of my twenty-dollar bill! “Shutting the fuck up” is the only service which will let you calm down and respect other peoples opinions! Try free today, or use the promo code “Hey, just because somebody disagrees with me doesn’t mean they’re evil” To receive the added benefit of no longer being a dick.  Now I hate ad reads as much as the next guy, but this is a service I truly believe in. Across the united states of America, there has emerged a group of people determined to de-throne the currently elected President, Daffy Trump. Daffy here has infuriated countless classes of clowns with his language and laughable political intent, causing many to protest and refute his right as an elected official. These guys we’ll call the Bald Eagles. Forewarning though, If you want to read in depth about the choices Daffy has made to create the Eagles, go watch John Oliver. I won’t lampoon Daffy for the same reason I won’t hunt an unarmed man. No Sport. If something is easy, it’s not worth doing. Ever jerked off? Easiest thing in the fucking world. Probably not going to share it at the dinner table. Ever fucked Justin Trudeau? No you haven’t because that shit is impressive and you would have told EVERYONE, and you wouldn’t have walked right for a week. Guys is packing heat. Seriously ask anybody, taking that dude is like playing ring toss with a hula hoop and the Eiffel tower. No way bud.

                   Everyone’s their own protagonist.

                Back on track to the Bald Eagles though, there is some comedy that wrote itself I’d like to point out. During his campaign, Daffy spoke how if the vote came out against him, he would not accept its results. Naturally this pissed off every self-respecting Bald Eagle living south of our border, as it should. A politician disregarding the very system designed to elect them is more dangerous than an armed Hillary Clinton on her period. Not that her love cave has cried red tears since 1984, but that’s irrelevant. Now the comical part of all of this is that Daffy won the election, and never needed to cast doubt on voting reliability at all! But what happens next? Bald eagles took to the streets and their Tumblr’s to repeatedly shout things like: “not my president!”, which was meant to resist and deny their new elected leader. If you haven’t noticed the irony yet, I hear buzzfeed has a new top ten list, maybe that’s more your reading level? I’ll spell it out though; Refuting the results of the election moments after you had judged a politician for doing just that is evidence enough to suggest you seek only an opponent to fight, not a cause worth fighting for. IF at this point you STILL haven’t picked up on the irony, let me then be the first to welcome you to Beaver-Time, Mike Pence. Fuck you, Mike Pence. This unfortunate trait of the Bald Eagles is not unique to them however. Look at what goes for feminism today; a bunch of glue sniffing self-identified “Victims” of the patriarchy. For fucks sake. There too, along with the “black lives matter” community (a bunch of chimpanzees that make even Martin Luther King blush) you can find hordes of people that fight careless to the cause. Don’t believe me? Go to any coffee shop within two kilometers of a university, and wait for somebody (ANYBODY) to voice an opinion, ANY opinion, and deny it for as long as you can without laughing. So that bitch thinks bunnies are cute? Take her down. Your mother was RAPED by a bunny god damnit. I mean all the bunny did was accidentally make eye contact while he was eating a carrot, but sill that is RAPE! Watch what happens. Their entire existence is now committed to how evil you are, how you are definable as negative as Hitler. Be sure to wear sunglasses and part your hair differently, because you are now the star of their blog. Oh my god aren’t you that guy form Allmenarepigs.org? Can I have an autograph?

                Onward to reality.

                I specify then rationalize the poor judgement of the bald eagles to be as fair to them as possible, because despite my jokes and jabs, they are incredibly important to me. Alex Jones knows how I feel, the guy is always having to bash the faggot community on his show, but tell me… have you ever seen him and Chaz Bono in the same room? I’m onto you Jones… Truth is, these bald eagles are going to help shape Canada in the years to come, which brings us to that fateful day in November. Once the vote began to turn toward the favor of Daffy’s republican Party, the Canadian government website dedicated to immigration crashed from over use. In that beautiful moment, bald eagles everywhere decided that their best bet was to flee the scene, and fly north for the winter. While these birds were publicly shamed across numerous sources of media, truth is, that was the right decision. If you live in a democratic state, you only have two options when a politician you don’t like is elected: deal with it, or fuck off. Canada says, for better results, fuck on. But spare a thought for the long-term ramifications of these migrants coming to Canada. Those infuriated by the election were the same people who valued equality and freedom. They may be confused about the best way to achieve these ideals, yet still they remain their central influences. So, these progressive, equality minded eagles come north, and what happens? Well, less and less of these great birds will occupy their native country, so more and more racist and sexist legislation will be allowed to exist. This will in turn provoke more eagles to come out of hiding and make the trip to Cancukville, and by now you can see the pattern. Within a decade, the divide between the progressive eagles and the regressive pigeons will no longer be a civil matter, but rather one dividing Canada, and the U.S.. Just as the lack of progressive minded people will slow the evolution of American politics, the surplus of these forward-thinking eagles will speed up Canada’s evolution. Daffy may be the final nail in the American coffin, but he alone will transform July 1st into an international holiday. But wait there’s more… The one real positive aspect Daffy provides is economic reform. He has promised to reset and kick-start the American financial system, yet this benefit is not exclusive to the states! Canada’s own market directly mirrors Americas own financial success. When they’re good, we’re good. When they’re bad, we’re still ok. So come to Canada, where you can enjoy every benefit, yet no punishment, from Daffy Duck’s administration. And don’t worry about all of this creating a country populated exclusively by people from 1945, if they get too rowdy, we’ll just build a wall on our southern border.

                But can people just come on over?

                   Oh yah, and travel will be a piece of cake. You know why? Even if for whatever reason you get turned down as an immigrant (you won’t) you can still get in as a refugee! How’s this? Well I’ll tell yah. American Government is like the strap on dildo Meryl Streep would use to butt fuck Bill O’Reilley. Looks like a dick… feels like a dick… makes him cum like a howler monkey….like a dick…but that aint no dick. I won’t go into detail, but here’s the problem: American government does not elect its leader based on the popular vote. When an American votes, they vote for who the STATE should vote for. If the majority of the state votes democratic, then the entire state is labeled as democratic, and a number of what’s called Electoral College Votes are given to the person who won that states majority. The problem here is each state has a different number of votes to give out, and the number of these votes IS NOT dependent on population. Meaning, that your vote means a lot less than somebody form a different state. Because of this system, Daffy was elected yes, but he lost the popular majority to his opponent. This means you hail from an oppressed country, and you can file for refugee immigration! Yay! If America was a true democracy, the white house would be staffed by a washed up half dead housewife that couldn’t even suck dick properly. But because of this unfairness, the leader of the country who thinks they are the leaders of the free world (they’re not), Is a sexist, racist, hypocritical liar. Please, come to Canada. You can do so much good here.

                Not that we’re perfect...

                   I throw these stones from the relative comfort of my glass house.  Canada is no more democratic than the U.S. Remember, we have the Senate. A group of cunts, who was elected by this one cunt, who in turn was elected only by this other cunt, who only has power because she was born into the right family. Now, it is legally treason for me to suggest that if anybody ever has the chance to give her the cobweb cleaning she deserves, to contract HIV first, so I won’t suggest it. Nor can I or anybody else ask that the next time she waddles out onto the taxpayer-funded palace gardens, that the closest person there do us all a favor and bounce a rock off her skull. Seriously, it’s illegal for me to ask you to do it! So please don’t hurt the queen. Besides, if you really wanted to kill her, you could just run for MP, put in a private member bill to separate from England, and at the ceremony that will be held to say goodbye, as you shake her hand, lean in and whisper, “Downtown Abbey isn’t very good”. Bitch will keel over right there.

                Welcome to the tribe!

                But enough of that dick-breathed sex-demon the union calls a queen (only queen I respect wants to ride their bicycle), and focus on the eagles immigrating. Like Kanye West’s first attempt at prostate probing, there will be some tension at first. The Bald Eagles themselves will feel intimidated, until they realize that even though they were always a symbol of America, Canada has way fucking more. Welcome home guys. There will be of course, Canadian tensions as well. We haven’t forgotten that these new additions are still the annoying as shit causeless rebels that haunt many attempts at progression, despite being progressively minded themselves. However, there is a fast and simple solution to instill some logic and empathy into our American friends. Try “Shutting the fuck up” free today.

Things to take back to the dam... 1. Utilize difference in opinion to make friends, not enemies. 2. Democratically elected officials should be respected. 3. Non-democratic elected officials should get off the twenty dollar bill. 4. Shut the fuck up a minute.