#//aaaaand 3/3 done we did it folks

[st-just]

oh did you want long angry rants for the unrecommend ask meme hm. oh I know. I unrecommend yu/wu (余/污) it's this chinese bl webnovel and...

look on a moment to moment level it's really fun to read, there's chekhov's guns set up in the first 10 chapters that are set off in the last 10 the whole book is very dense with reveals etc and parts of the character work was very compelling. but like. once you finish it and actually start thinking about it the whole thing is just so, so thin. everything is internally consistent within its own logic yk.

like first the entire book focuses on how rotten to the core the nobility of Chong/hua is how awful, selfish, fake everything there is... aaaaand the entire climax was a "yeah the nobles squabble in peacetime and all but when faced with an existential threat they all band together and work like a well oiled machine :) :) :) oh you expected the ending to have some resolution to this conflict? fuck you we've installed a new emperor that's shown throughout the story to also be corrupt but we have a threat to keep them in line. they'll slowly reform the system :) :) :) we have to go with this though bc the new emperor's the best option possible... if we keep to the made up rules about only being able to choose from the imperial bloodline. even though this existential threat has shaken up the country enough that you can probably get away with someone else. or not having an emperor at all. you know" (poking at the worldbuilding [or like. anything not on a character level] of romance webnovels is an exercise in frustration but I keep finding myself doing it)

(there's a reveal involved with the new emperor that could be read as transmisogynistic but it was such a nothing reveal - happened at the end of the story so there's not much done with it - that there isn't really anything interesting to say about it)

+ one of the main protagonist's motivation is literally "he was born as a slave and wants a better life for his fellow slaves and to prove slaves are just as competent as nobles in xianxia!fighting" so you'd expect it to yk. do much of anything about it. or at least not fumble it given the focus. but like later literally all the major + powerful characters ended up having noble blood and all 3 of the non-noble characters who were subtextually positioned as "see they're also super powerful and they don't have noble blood".... ended up having noble blood. from the top noble families no less. which. yeah not a fan!

also this is likely unintentional (I think the author just likes writing about dubcon/noncon relationships which I mean all power to her) but there were 3 mlm relationships in this book and every one of them except the main couple involved one sexual abusing (or otherwise predating on) the other so. yk. don't like that.

+ a major source of conflict between the two leads is "the protagonist that was born as a slave finally couldn't stand the cruelty of Chong/hua and defected to an evil empire, killing a bunch of the Chong/hua's soldiers, stabbing the other protagonist in the chest, etc."

but like the way that was resolved is literally "oh turns out he didn't do/had a Secret Good Reason for doing/isn't the one at fault for All That" which. let him have done some bad things for christ's sake I mean first saintlike perfect characters just aren't all that interesting to me but also why did he have to be perfectly innocent and not at fault at all to not deserve all that was done to him. couldn't he have done everything he's accused of and still not deserve how he's treated dammit.

also I said the amount of chekhov's guns are supremely satisfying and I stand by that but also it makes everything loop back to the protagonists which makes this whole-ass kingdom feel so goddamn claustraphobic this is an entire country why is there only like ~20 actual people in here

(tbf on a purely character level most of the folks that actually get characterised are characterised pretty well but the number of those are... small considering the scale of the story. also this doesn't help how flaccid the slave plot ended up being considering there's close to no slave in the plot that is given interiority. there's an entire army full of them but they're treated like a collective)

and there's the typical chinese ableism towards the mentally ill/etc (background radiation of my life) + distasteful genre tropes but I came in expecting that so

(although I would argue the Ontologically Evil Empire's effects on the story is notably worse than average)

plus like I love melodrama but even with me the prose felt so cloying and exaggerated I can't articulate it but I was getting a toothache reading it. although I see folks talk about how gorgeous the prose is so hey maybe it's a taste thing.

+ this is a neutral judgment but whenever I start doubting I'm asexual I think about this book and immediately am sure again. the thirst is like some gravitational force that everything in the story bends towards itself which. glad other folks are happy not my thing though.

anyway yeah *offers this rant like a raccoon* there's other stuff but that's mostly nitpicking. generally I describe it as "really fun in the moment-to-moment if you're the target audience but once you start thinking about yk. everything else it's just more and more. why was it like that. why was it written this way."

tbf a fair amount of my dislike is "dead dove do not eat / I don't know what I expected" but in my defence the way I was sold it vastly skewed/overinflated my expectations (picture the way folks sell atla/pjo/etc. as so much more than it is)

(I'm self censoring with /'s bc ik there is a decent fandom for it on here)

Excellent rant thank you very much. And also, like, not exactly familiar with the genre but that sounds deeply painful, yes!

That said,

+ one of the main protagonist's motivation is literally "he was born as a slave and wants a better life for his fellow slaves and to prove slaves are just as competent as nobles in xianxia!fighting" so you'd expect it to yk. do much of anything about it. or at least not fumble it given the focus. but like later literally all the major + powerful characters ended up having noble blood and all 3 of the non-noble characters who were subtextually positioned as "see they're also super powerful and they don't have noble blood".... ended up having noble blood. from the top noble families no less. which. yeah not a fan!

This or something like it happens so often in every fucking type of fantasy and I loathe it with every fucking fiber of my being.

[too-scared-to-do-this]

Insufferable

Chapter one - Strike a match and watch it burn

Sander’s sides fanfiction - ‘Off the Devil’s head’ spin-off (can be read as a stand-alone)

Wordcount: 1172

Ship: intrulogical

TW: cursing - a lot of cursing (this is Remus after all), thievery, angry man, chasing, Remus somewhat-objectifying people and shit-talking, second-hand embarrassment aaaaand I feel like that might be all. If anything pops up, do let me know :)

Summary of the whole story: This might have not been the brightest idea - steeling from a cart right in the fucking smack-dab-middle of the Square. But Remus never claimed his ideas were bright. Never said his words and actions were appropriate either. So how in all off goddamned hell did he find himself sprawled out on a giant comfortable throne instead of a cold and dark (and very drippy) prison cell - with guards actually guarding his safety instead of assuring his imprisonment - is completely beyond him.

Link to AO3 for those who prefer reading there ^^

------------------------------

Chapter one - Strike a match and watch it burn

This might have not been the brightest idea - steeling from a cart right in the fucking smack-dab-middle of the Square. But Remus never claimed his ideas were bright.

If they prevented him from starvation, they were more than perfect in his book. Although this might have been just a tad too stupid even for him. No, not stupid - daring. Because why else would he find himself in this goddamned idiotic situation; running at full speed and dodging stuck up towns-people left and right just to escape the angry cart-owner that’s gaining on him.

To hell with all this crowd! There’s literally no space to squeeze through! But they have no problem parting for the hurling grease-ball that’s flying after him. (Flying as flying - he’s stumbling from foot to foot breathing heavier than a dog in hot weather.)

And for a stupid reason even! Fucking apples!  Two fucking apples! The man wouldn’t even miss them! And it’s not like the town folk would mind. Yet, he apparently really, really does.  

So, guess what? This idea blows. And Rem is fully aware of this. But what else is he supposed to do but keep on dodging people and trying not to run over any poor kid in his way. Constantly checking behind his back to see if he lost the overly-heavy man.

Ah, to hell with pleasantries, call it what it is - the man was fat. Really, really fat. - Remus thought to himself. No matter how well his mum razed him, and how much he respects any body-tipe, this man just couldn’t be described any other way.

His head swiveled backwards, checking in on the now-barely shouting pig. A smirk stretched across his lips - he was a good stretch of path ahead of him and the cart-owner was kneeling over, panting hard. Good. Stupid idea, or not, he outran him. Now only to find a good hiding spot before he get’s caught by the gua-

Rem’s body collided with something. Something tall, hard and surprisingly really nice-smelling. He went flying backwards, butt hitting the ground harder than he expected. “Au…” he murmured rubbing his ass - not that the pain was that important at the moment.

His eyes blinked then focused on the pair of shoes standing still in front of him.

So what he ran into wasn’t a ‘what’ but a ‘who’ apparently. Eyes traveling up the fancy pants and suit, he took in the sheer height of the person standing in front of him. A very tall, very angular, very… lacking-emotional-expression-in-the-face person. Only the slight widening of his specks-hidden scarily-blue eyes was indication of any surprise.

Remus gulped. If it weren’t for the whole sitch he’s currently in, he might even let himself dwell on the fact that this someone is extremely hot. Not that he doesn’t let a few lusty thoughts cross his mind - that wouldn’t be Remus, if he didn’t. And as always, thoughts are accompanied with wide grins and words that spill out without control.

“Jesus Christ, if I wasn’t fleeing, I’d kiss you right here on the spot.” Well, no amount of mental slapping will take back that stupid sentence. His grin widens involuntarily - a nervous tick. Hops up from the ground. “But as you can see, handsome, I’m on the run.” Fucking hell, he winked. He actually winked. “So, I’ll be on my way.” Remus tips an imaginary hat, bowing slightly and steppes aside to leave.

Just then the crowd behind him parts again and the fat-ball stumbles into view. “Your majesty! Be careful, that’s the thief!”

Rem’s eyes widen at the thought; corners of his mouth pulling painfully. Your majesty?!

He looks the guy up and down quickly once again and it all comes crashing down. The shoes, the suit, even the fancy hair and glasses. Jesus fucking Christ, Rem just rammed into the king.

He gulped, trying to step around the him, but there was no way of getting out of the circle of citizens that has formed. Their majesty’s eyes were trained on him, the slight surprise in them fully gone. There was literally nothing that could give away his intentions - not a single tick of the muscle.

Remus was so, so screwed.

Well, prison, here he comes again. Those long nights of dripping water from god knows where and the awful company of his own suffocating thoughts. Back then he had the dragon-witch to talk with during the nights at least, now though… Matilde was far too far away by this point - fleeing from the forest because of idiots that attacked her with torches. Not that she couldn’t defend herself - that creature was the most powerful woman Rem has ever met - but she just didn’t want to waste her energy. “Better hidden and at peace, then discovered and at war.” she used to say.

That’s exactly what Rem was living by - camping out in her old house, rotating the surrounding kingdoms to steel from. Ya know, to keep himself alive out there. Yet here he was - discovered and at fucking war. He was going to prison, and that was that. No escape this time.

But then the king did something neither of them expected. His gorgeous blue eyes blinked and then he just so slightly moved aside, giving Remus the opening he needed to run. He gaped at the King for about a second, before his loud head returned back to earth. An internally embarrassing seductive wink later he was running again. Fleeing the outraged and surprised gazes. Headed for the woods. Mentally thanking the crazy king for saving his ass. Mind full of images of extremely piercing cold blue eyes.

-

And far behind his back the king pretended to be showed out of the way the moment the thief pushed past him. He on his own had no idea why he had done this. But the angry barking of Jeff the cart-owner and questioning of his loyal subjects weren’t the suitable surroundings to figure this out.

Instead, he reassured his guards that, indeed, he was fine and stood up straight again.

“He ran off!!” Jeff sneered angrily, still panting. “Your majesty, he’s running away with my apples! Do something!”

Coral, the head guard, turned to her king. “Should we go after him?” The rest of her crew immediately stiffened and got ready to move.

But Logan just held up his hand. He looked over his shoulder, searching for the wild green-haired hurricane that just tore through his peaceful kingdom. When he couldn’t see him, he announced: “There’s no need. He’s gotten too far by now. The castle will compensate for your loss, Jeff.” he nodded towards the heavy-boned bolding young man.

“Thank you, my king! You truly are the best!”

But the annoying citizen was already forgotten. Logan gave a curt nod, turned, and with the five guards following him, left. Walking the path which he came from - the one leading alongside the thick dark forest back to his castle.

-------------------------------

I feel like “He’s running away with my apples” is such a stupidly hilarious sentence XD 

Aaaaanyways! I know said any day now, and not today, but I caught the Writing bug and now it’s midnight and here we are. 

How have you been? I’ve been AWOL for a while I guess. But I’m back. With full force and new and fresh interest in writing this thing! I just hope I’ll do Rem’s character justice. 

Do let me know how you like it so far! And, you know I love speculations and theories - so bring them on! Maybe they’ll end up in the story because I like them enough XD

See ya next chap! <3

[thankchaosforspellcheck]

Recently, Gotham’s talk radio show (102.9 THE LAB!) got a new radio host.

Now, something to keep in mind is that not too many people listen to LAB radio anymore, or radio in general.  Villains are much more likely to hijack a news broadcast, where they can show their face as well as their voice, for actual announcements while using the radio for straight schemes.  Listening to an AM station is more likely to get you hypnotized then it is to keep you up-to-date, so the majority of Gothamites just switch on the news or put in a CD if they need something to listen to.

There are still some that do, however.  Some can’t afford a TV and need to have some way of knowing which Rogues are in which part of town, others are new to town and haven’t experienced one of the more radio wave-oriented plots yet.  Most are just stubborn, as Gothamites tend to be.

But that all changed with the new host.

“Hey there, Labrats! This is 102.9 THE LAB! with your host: The Technician!”

The few people listening at the time knew something about The Technician just seemed... off.  It wasn’t necessarily in a villainous sort of way, but it wasn’t in a heroic way either.  He seemed to know where every super, criminal or otherwise, was while in costume, though their locations seemed to be vaguer if they were not doing anything “important” at that point.

“...and for your usual 10 PM Bat Update: Batman is still running the maze! He hasn’t run into anything interesting as of yet it see- OH HOLD ON TO YOUR CHEESE FOLKS! IT LOOKS AS IF TWO FACE IS ATTEMPTING A ROBBERY AT THE 5/3RD BANK ON 27TH AND GUESS WHAT STREET OUR DEAR DARK KNIGHT JUST LANDED ON~!”

As word travels, his popularity grows.  He’s a great resource for the common civilian and c-list criminal alike, and invaluable if you need to avoid a certain villains crushing vines or a certain heroes batarangs.  Of course, changing the game makes all of the other players take notice, so a few of the folks lower on the ladder decide to... give him a welcome party.

~~~

“Ya sure this is the place, boss?” One of the three testers asks, shifting from one foot to the other with a nervous look on her rat-like face, as she peers up at the radio tower.

“Of course I am sure, t-*Bleep*! This is where we track him down to, so this is where he must be!” The Russian hollers back at him.  However, he sounds much more confident then he feels, as he too looks at the ramshackle building.  It has clearly been abandoned for quite some time, and the tower looks like it is about to fall over any minute now.

“Look, is easy job: get in, get punk, get out.” he continued, in a gruff, smirking voice “If he is really able to see all that he says he can, then he will make life much easier.  If not, then I get ...stress relief.” The Russian finished darkly.

They both walk up to the gate, bolt cutter in the hands of a quiet tester.  The second he starts in on his job, however, an electric current runs up the tool to the man holding it, stunning him with the force of 50,000 volts.

“*Bleep*! Not another one!” The Russian angrily exclaims, assuming the tester was dead.

“Actually, boss, I think ‘e’s just knocked out!  Don’ look like he stopped breathin’!”  The third tester exclaimed.  She’s working on a medical degree right now, so she would know.

“Oh?  Huh.  Still, very rude!  Will have to teach punk lesson once found.” He grumbles, his surprise quickly turning back to irritation “*Bleep*, go drag him to alley down street, we do not need dead weight.  *Bleep*, come with me!” The Russian orders, already turning back to survey the fence.  After he spotted a fuse box just on the other side and a high enough tree, he ordered tester 1, who has some electrical work in her background, to hop the fence.

“O-okay, just a liiiittle further aaaaand I’m over-aaaAAAAH!” *THWIP!*  Tester 1 had indeed made it over the fence, but unfortunately she did not spot the net trap below.  She now hung over a pit revealed to be right where she would have landed.  It was quite lucky that the trap was there, honestly. A fall like that could have broken her neck...

“*BEEEEEEEEEEP*! This is the *bleep* *bleep* job I ever do!  Is like *bleep*-ing Tom and Jerry cartoon!” The Russian ranted, more and more fed up with these traps.  They were just supposed to be going after some newbie, after all, not a proper cape. Oi! *Bleep*! You done with *Bleep* yet?” He calls, stomping over to the alley. “I swear if you decided to take smoke brea-” *TWANG* The russian is cut off one last time by the sudden hit of a tranquilizer dart, one of which had already taken care of poor Tester 3.

“All four of them were later picked up by police after an anonymous tip relayed their locations...and how to avoid those *specific* traps.”

“This all happened about four hours ago outside of our lovely radio station (which only looks abandoned, promise!) but worry not, my little labrats!”

“I wasn’t even in the building at the time!”

~~~~

Shortly after this The Technician reveals that he has a newsvan he uses for “fieldwork”.  He does interviews (most of them don’t even realize they’re being interviewed until he’s already left) and reports on new shops and restaurants in between all of the fights and crimes. He doesn’t seem to have a rhyme or reason for why he leaves the radiostation, but after the first few attempts to break in criminal and hero alike realize that it would be much easier taking a van down then an entire station filled with traps.

The problem with this is, of course, finding the van.

He seems to have less of a... range while out and about, but as a trade off he is much better at getting the specifics of what is in that range.  A few capes have even gotten close to catching him, but they can never quite stay off of his radar for long enough to trap him.

However, since he hasn’t caught any of the major player’s attention, and he isn’t doing anything technically illegal, this has been more because of luck and a lack of interest then anything else.

...but that will all change soon enough.

[praise-suns-and-chill]

Aaaaand I got the Sheet done, thanks to the help of @thaddyisanartboi​! Thanks for the art again, 10/10 would comission again! And with that, behold, Berath St. Benedict. + John, one good puppet.

Guess her favoured expression.

(If the comments beside the character names aren’t readable, I will include them again below the cut. Along with... as many details as I have about Berath! So if you are curious, behold, a list!

I do need to say though. I do have a tendency that, if some original material is angsty, I will insert some more light hearted stuff into it! So don’t expect too much seriousness, just as a warning ^^)

Relationship to Ricardo: 95%. Lovers. No further comments, the relationship is just as adorable as we know it already, couldn’t resist it.

Argent: Berath does not quite know what to think about her yet. Can deal with the slight flirting/choking, but is very confused about the drastically mixed signals. Wtf girl.

Mortum: Berath has come to see her as a friend, and possibly more. And she just hoped that they can stay friends, somehow, once Mortum knows the truth about John. I am also personally still worried about that one. I wanted to do the right thing Dx

Herald: Student/Mentor type of relationship. I dig that we can kinda develop it with him, and he is a good student! Precious boy, 10/10, would teach again to beat my ass in the future. He is gonna make Berath proud some day!

Steel: She really tried to have a better relationship with that old fella, even back in the day. She has enough enemies as it is, she does not need any more. And hey, now there is time to catch up on some stuff. Also, fellow dog friend. And if there is anything easy to bond over, it’s cute animals. Now, as to more random headcanons about her. This is gonna be all over the place, just a warning.

- Guess her Suit Design from her first Villian name idea.

- Escaped the Farm when she was 17, probably, highly likely by blowing something up. She got enough lessons to teach her to be a Wannabe MacGyver, and she put that knowledge to use.

- Hitched a ride with a group of Cross country travelers that didn’t ask any questions about her. She picked up her last name and smoking habit from them.

- She picked her first name because it is not a real one. Just how she isn’t a real human. Later it did appear in a game tho.

- She does smoke, at first just cigarettes. Nowadays though?

- She is a Villian. A Gentleman Villian as much as she tries. A classy Thief, to juxtapose her... usual self. She smokes Pipe.

- Also doesn’t smokes Tobacco. Smokes Tea leafs. Better than weed, trust me.

- Tried to train an Irish accent on herself. She can pull it off very convincingly.

- Can insult you in 21 different languages. And will insult you in 21 different languages.

- Is 30, looks like 25, dressed like 18. She didn’t really get her Teenage phases and needs to catch up somehow.

- Wants the truth to be out in the open. And maybe, just maybe, would not mind to see certain people dead. Would never kill anyone herself though. And keeps people safe as much as she can.

- Tries to be Leverage type of Villian. (Leverage being a series, btw, about Criminals grouping together to take down big corporations that get away with illegal shit with their very own illegal methods, very good series, highly reccomend it)

- Tech savvy, but tries to get to know the Underworld slowly as well. For now though, she has Bo for that.

- Would love to have a pet, but knows she does not have the time for one. For now. She already knows what she would get though. She would try and get a difficult case, a stray dog or cat nobody want’s to take care of.

- Met Ortega probably on one of his Missions. She was just hanging out in a Crackden at the time, not up to much, homeless and just drifting along in life in obscurity. Then she just saw this guy barging in, electrical lightning all around the place, getting himself into a pretty flashy fight with a Villian who was also high on crack, and she was impressed, getting curious about the guy. Ortega does not remember their first meeting. She does. Their real first meeting included her trying her best to get dramatic timing right and... charging in to save the day. In the end, she did not make the BEST first impression. She did get an ass kicking, because she had never been in mass fights before. She was used to 1 on 1, more than anything else. But she did make an impression. 

- Drinks coffee disgustingly sweet. 1/3 is syrup.

- Wants to travel the world at some point.

- Listens mostly to Synthwave, Irish Folk Punk, Shanties and Symphonic Rock. Niche music only. 

- Currently has so much money from robbing Criminals, she doesn’t know what to do with it all. Hire more Henchmen? Work out the tech? Buy information? Buy stones for her collection? Fill her shitty apartment with literal treasure just because she can? So much money. So many choices. She settles on more tea.

- Puppetmaster.

[shadowthrone-ammanas]

So the first thing with the tiny Hat Kid/Borrowers AU that I came up with was that originally it was based off of the visual of a mod level I was playing where there was a lantern the size of Hat Kid. I didn’t start it thinking about the Borrowers as “humans but tiny” I was thinking of them as like Hat Kid’s species. 

So when I later decided Mu was also tiny that resulted in having Mu be also distinctly not just a tiny human and it had ripple effects on the borrower species design

So, background details: Most of the characters are still the same. However, the locations are different. Mafia Town isn’t on a little island, it’s on a larger one with both underground-undersea Metro tunnels and shipping routes. There is a large forest- Subcon- and some mountains, the Alpine Skyline, which then have a desert in their rainshadow. 

So that’s all the chapters except Arctic Cruise on one reasonably sized landmass, instead of scattered all over the planet, much more accessable to tiny Hat Kid

I’m gonna put a ‘read more’ right here for the sake of people’s dashboards. I hope that’s okay.

Borrower biology notes: inspired a little bit by ruffs and also my attempts to work out having Hat Kid, Bow Kid, and Mu as members of the same species

3 or 4 sexes in a similar way to ruffs or white-throated sparrows; about all I have pinned down is that Mu’s facial-hair-no-ponytail-and-long-bangs/tendrils/flaps combo is associated with one of them, bow kid’s no-ponytail, no-hair-flaps, no-facial-hair combo is another, and hat kid’s ponytail-and-flaps-but-no-facial-hair is a third (yes this means two of them are trans)

The Borrowers, as they sometimes call themselves, are the result of an incredibly powerful spell a few centuries back. They used to be about the size of humans, before the spell; and pretty much all of them lived on two islands.

The Mafia wanted to move to those islands, so they gathered up all the Time Pieces they could get into one spot on the island and had a sacrificial Mafia member do A Thing involving the time pieces and a great deal of other magical items to remove the islanders; faking a wild magic surge. The result was that as far as the rest of the world was concerned the entire species simply vanished, turned into these tiny little echoes,and also this was much less scary than it should have been. There is still a spot on the island Hat Kid is from that will likely have nothing grow there for thousands of years.

The Time Pieces exploded into much smaller fragments, time shards, which scattered all over the world, and the shrunken islanders started to try to adjust to their new lives. 

Which was made a lot harder by the Mafia moving in; they spread false information claiming that the tiny post-transformation islanders weren’t sapient anymore and were pests, like large mice, to be dealt with with poison and rat traps. 

Some Borrowers start using time shards to power things; others do the dangerous thing of tapping electricity from wires; others use tiny candles and other pre-electric style technology or magic.

Their society adjusts to a world where “eaten by a seagull” is a plausible cause of death, everyone can double-jump, most people can carry more than their own weight, and an umbrella is easily enough to completely stop all fall damage. Square-cube law! Luckily the magic helps keep them warm, but Borrowers still have a faster metabolism than they did pre-spell and need to eat more often. 

Amongst other details, it’s common for a Borrower to end up on their own due to being separated from their clan or having the rest of their clan die. Solitary borrowers don’t tend to last long, so they generally try to get adopted by the first clan they come across, basically just showing up and starting to pitch in; there’s always something to be done.

Also Borrowers are a little more scent-focused than humans, most noteably being more able to notice the scent of borrowers than a human is able to notice the scent of other humans; this is really helpful for lost borrowers finding other clans.

Hat Kid is the kid of someone relatively important in a borrower community on the other island. They treated her poorly/were neglectful, so she ended up falling in with, basically, the local borrower criminals. (Not many places have enough clans living closely enough together to really have borrowers that are criminals by borrower standards; stealing from the taller folk is not considered a crime but rather just survivial, and attacking the taller folk is basically considered lunacy.)

Eventually Hat Kid, at age 11 (okay actually older, like 16 or so, but she maps to a human 11 year old), decided to fake her death and entirely leave her old clan. Due to various shenanigans including her not being out to her old clan, the fake murder, a real murder done by Hat Kid, and paranoia she managed to be accused of murdering herself and got exiled which is a Big Deal. She stole the one local aircraft (that she had helped build) and fled, exploring far beyond her family’s reach (especially now they didn’t have a timeshard-powered aircraft).

In between her ‘ship’, her skills with an umbrella and movement, audacity, and sheer dumb luck Hat Kid managed to live alone for quite some time, eventually landing in Mafia Town due to an incident involving a Mafia with a bugnet, losing the time shards that powered her ship in the process. She meets up with Mu and is like. FRIEND! Sure, I’ll join up with you!

…aaaaand then Mu wants to use the time shards that powered Hat Kid’s airship thingy to hurt the Mafia more. And Hat Kid is like, no, no I need those. Result: Mu leaves in a huff, Hat Kid is alone again. 

Hat Kid’s ship, by this point, has been repaired enough and has enough time shards to fly a little, so she goes and recklessly lands on the local above-ground train and hitches a ride, ending up at Dead Bird Studio. Grooves finds her and is like, this borrower-mouse is wearing decent clothing and a hat. Whose escaped pet is this.

Hat Kid is semiverbal but definitely literate and manages to get her hands on a writing implement and explains that she is nobody’s pet. The Conductor and Grooves decide to hire her for movies.

Directors: a sapient borrower-mouse who wants to be an actress and is actually good at it just when we need a new actor and fresh movie ideas! Perfect!

Hat Kid: This weird clan has lots of infighting and mostly trades in movies? I get to be adopted and to use my skill in acting for things that aren’t lying to people? Perfect!

So that’s a good month or so for Hat Kid, with the culture clash never being clarified, whoops. Both the Directors think Hat Kid is going home to her family when really she’s doing stuff like looking for that time shard she thinks might be present or fixing up her ship more or getting food that isn’t provided by the Directors. (At least they recognize that providing lots of snacks to the tiny child is a good idea.)

Then the movies (both of them) are finished, and the directors are like. Thanks for working with us. There’s no more movies for you, kid, stop showing up to filming there’s no more filming involving you. (Grooves never really started seeing Hat Kid as fully a person and is pretty cruel about kicking her out from his side of the studio, too.)

In the Director’s culture: “Seriously kid contract is done, the movies you starred in have no more filming, wouldn’t mind working with you again later but uh we are not currently working on a movie right now why are you here?”

In Hat Kid’s culture: “We’re exiling you. Again.“ 

So she goes to Subcon Forest. Yes, this is stupid and risky. Hat Kid does not care.

Snatcher sees this absolutely tiny person and is like. You’re too small to be a threat. Also too small to have a soul worth the effort of eating it. 

So he hires her to do stuff like detail work on repainting the Subconites’ houses and other stuff a tiny person can do. 

He proceeds to assume she’s being cuttingly sarcastic when she calls him "dad” or “dadcher”. Instead of 100% serious. (Her perception of this as an adoption is helped by Snatcher making an effort to dig out old books and old memories on what of the local flora and fauna is edible and provide Hat Kid with fresh local food, which is a Special Effort as, well, subconites and dwellers feed off of ambient magic and abstract stuff while Snatcher eats souls.)

After maybe about two weeks he’s out of work for Hat Kid and tells her so, like, “No more work for you, kiddo. You’re free to leave.” Then is mystified when Hat Kid leaves in tears. Like what did he do wrong??

I have no clue what Hat Kid would be up to in the Alpine Skyline. Something. Probably trying to impress random nomads and goats and not understanding why they’re impressed but still leave her. 

Eventually she finds out that Mu has gotten her hands on time shards and is managing to use them to set places on fire. Hat Kid goes to stop her because no!! You do not just indiscriminately set Mafia Town on fire! Even aside from all the tall folk living there you don’t know how many borrowers are living in the walls! 

So she stops Mu, then realizes that pretty much everyone watching her has either ‘exiled’ her or has been known to hunt borrowers before (eg the Mafia) so she flees down a subway tunnel and lives in the Metro for a few days before meeting the Empress. By this point Mu’s very public yelling about how the Mafia were killing her people has gotten on the news, so she’s aware that at least some borrowers are sapient and people, and is like. You work for me now.

Hat Kid is like, my greatest fifth chance!

Eventually, though, Hat Kid manages to annoy the Empress. By this point she’s gotten used to the idea that something is wrong with her, people really don’t care about her, and at any point she could be abruptly betrayed and exiled, so she panics, assumes she’s going to be kicked out very soon, and ends up deciding to preemptively betray Empress by stealing her time shard. Empress is throughly baffled and also very upset and puts out a bounty of a few thousand or so on Hat Kid’s head; time shards are valuable damn it but also…only one?? she’d been known to bring back five or six at once? 

(Time shards aren’t very tangible to most people by default. Borrowers can interact with them always and make them solid to everyone. Hat Kid could’ve easily reversed that and forced Empress to use magically charged tongs to pick up her time shards and hire another borrower to fix them but she didn’t. The longer Empress thinks on this, the more confused she gets.)

At some point during Hat Kid’s time in the nyakuza Mu ends up adopted by Cooking Cat. She shows up on TV sometimes, joining in an episode with stuff like running commentary while perched on CC’s shoulder or butting in to help frost cakes or whatever. 

Hat Kid’s confused upset post-nyakuza wandering ends up leading her to where the Conductor is just coming back from a cruise. Conductor is like LASSIE I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER! Hat Kid is like ??? and then decides that maybe…maybe kicking her out was entirely Groove’s idea and Conductor still likes her? Maybe?

And then in the ensuring confused discussion Conductor begins to realize the culture clash. Conductor ends up adopting Hat Kid, and later takes in Bow Kid as well because she was separated from her family and saw Hat Kid riding on Conductor’s shoulders and just sort of. Jumped on his other shoulder, startling him, and was like “HI”.

At some point Hat Kid and Bow Kid end up guest starring alongside Mu (they made up) on Cooking Cat’s show. Possibly several times. Hat and Bow are adorable and while they don’t really say much unscripted and it’s usually sentence fragments they’re still popular for a mixture of Adorable and their sense of humour eg Bow Kid insisting that duck is actually “quackers” in a dish involving duck and cheese to set CC up for a terrible “cheese and quackers” pun. 

Mu, Hat Kid, Bow Kid, and the TV Trio end up working together a lot to try to change things for the better for the Borrowers. Meanwhile Snatcher is off doing his own thing, having heard of the culture clash (Mu explained it on TV at some point) he works out a schedule for when Hat and Bow are staying with the Conductor and when one or the other or both are staying with him. He ends up with a few borrower clans living in his forest (they followed Hat Kid) and is just like, sure this works. 

I greatly admire people who can just come up with AU ideas and build on them and then come up with a whole story for the AU. I love that it has a happy ending too. :)

[enkisstories]

Just like them (part 13)

Still the kitchen in Gavin’s apartment, still November 18th

“He’s…” Gavin started and already Tina blinked due to the unexpected use of a pronoun other than “it” for an android out of her friend’s mouth.

“I’m…” Daniel said only a split-second afterwards and then both men stopped, because why should they take it upon themselves to explain anything, if that other guy could take the blow just as well? Come on, asshole, make yourself useful!

Tina looked from one to the other. At his point Jin forced himself between the adults, dragging Lucky behind him as if he was a teddy bear. The adolescent cat didn’t seem to mind. Being the center of the attention and getting all the treats definitely beat playing surrogate dad for three kittens!

“Can we have fish sticks today, mommy?” the boy crowed. “With ketchup!”

Gavin jumped up and picked his phone up from the kitchen table. “On it, junior!”

“Order salad with the finger food! Do you hear me, Gavin? Salad! Three!”

Covering the phone’s microphone with his hand, Gavin replied: “Geeze, Tina, are you sure you can manage three salad on your own?”

“One for you, me and Jin each!” the officer growled back, but Gavin only laughed.

Now Daniel rose, too, and in the same fluent movement took the phone off the human.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Shhh! I’m making a call here!”

Let’s see… Subject 1: “Reed, Gavin”… Territorial, competitive, also a bit of a human cat. Will want cuddles while chewing on a still living spider. Current mood: surprisingly outstanding.

<<<Error… error… no path found for “surprise”>>>

Shut up, Cyberlife. I AM surprised, deal with it.

Add_to_simulation: Subject 2: “Chen, Tina”… Introvert, female version of subject 1, also asian, so highly likely not to be able to digest milk products, will enjoy them anyway just BECAUSE. Current mood: Existing (=default)

Add_to_simulation: Subject 3 Reed-Chen, Jin… A little Gavin, bright mind, easily excited, still believes the best of everyone. Current mood: Happy, but exhaustion slowly setting in.

Aaaaand… Start_simulation

>>>Results in, save to database Y/N

>>>Y and open file

Ew, really, Gavin? Tuna & pineapple? Nah, that’s close, but not quite correct. Tina gets the pineapple crime, Gavin is even worse. And not that literally a cat either.

>>>Save changes & close file

“Yes, Reed here, customer ID 393804. We’d like one large shrimps & tangerine pizza, one large pizza Hawaii with extra chicken, one Captain’s Galley kiddie meal with the octopus rings, a lava cake, a small german cheesecake and an apple turnover with raisins. What salads do you have? I’m getting nagged to order one, is there a low on leaves alternative, maybe? Tomato salad, you say? Yeah, that might be a good compromise, we’d like three of those, please. For drinks a large rootbeer extra frothy, a large rootbeer licorice, a medium apple juice with a straw, plastic… What? No, I wasn’t insulting you. I didn’t even KNOW you were an android. I just want a plastic straw for our kiddo. It’s bad for the environment? You only have metal ones? Okay, one of those then, but it better fucking glows! Oh, and throw in a small thirium smoothie, whatever that is supposed to be. Not all of us are fortunate enough to snag a job in the snack industry… or any job at all. Yes, that was all. Thank you!”

Daniel turned around to where Gavin stood gape-jawed.

“How… how did you do that?!” the man gasped. “I mean, I have a pretty good idea how, but… HOW?”

So it wasn’t just the Connors with their fancy crime scene analyzing software. Even the simplest Cyberlife devices seemed to be able to see right through a human. And with their safety locks off, what would hold the deviants back, prevent them from turning the tables and enslaving humanity?

Years of policework of course could have supplied the answer easily: Socialization. Every human was perfectly able to kill every other, but only a rare few actually did so. For their own good the humans had to integrate the androids into their society and better sooner than later, so that one day any given android and human in the USA had more in common with each other than with a foreign human or android.

But none of that was on the forefront of Gavin’s mind in this moment. He only felt the cold chill of standing right across from the creepy machine that had seen right through him. What else might it have picked up? On the other hand, there were that damn smile and Daniel’s playful reply to Gavin’s outburst:

“What shitty person would I be if I didn’t know my best friend’s tastes? Cyberlife suggested tuna, but… ah, you cringe. Haha, knew it!”

“What was that just now about “best friend”?” Tina inquired. “You do not mean to tell me that you are friends with an android?”

The men exchanged quick glances. The game was on and Tina their first test person…

“Yeah, totally”, Gavin confirmed, to which Daniel added: “We go, uh, waaaaayy back!”

“Best friends, huh…” Tina crossed her arms, trying to come to a decision whether she should believe that or not. Her face brightened up when she got an idea: “What’s the android’s name, Gavin?”

“Daniel. Daniel Phillips. I could even tell you his registration number, but won’t, because that would be rude.”

Good save, Daniel thought, but then an unwelcome thought crossed his mind: Am I supposed to know your badge number?

It didn’t seem to matter, since first and foremost it was Gavin getting tested here, not his android (pretend) friend. Or was it? Because Tina now turned her attention to the PL600!

“I think I know you”, she mused aloud. “You’re the PL600 from the evidence archive, aren’t you?”

“Yes. We talked a few times at the DPD, remember? When I reported the burglary.”

“Yes, yes I do!” Tina smiled sympathetically at both men now. “So… wow, Gavin! So that’s why you got all enraged when Connor entered the archive! You were on your way to Daniel and it was interrupting!” * see footnote

Gavin shook his head frantically. He waved his hands in front of his body and would almost have taken a step back, had he not realized it and forced himself to not do that.

“Tina, no, it’s not what you think!”

“Yes, that’s how it happened”, Daniel said at the same time, completely at ease.

“No!” Gavin yelled, almost in desperation. What had gotten under his skin, Daniel wondered?

“Oh, I’m so happy for you!” Tina exclaimed. “So you’re done pretending to be hetero? But we’re still friends with benefits, right? Don’t you dare cancel the arrangement or I’ll sue you out of your retirement funds and then some!”

Gavin didn’t even wait for his friend to finish her little speech. When Tina had reached the “happy”, he grabbed Daniel by the shoulder, turned the android around and pushed him towards the door.

“Out! At once!”

Not comprehending what exactly was happening here, Daniel found himself in the floor, but that was as far as he’d let himself get herded without an explanation. Daniel broke free from the detective’s hold the moment the human got ready to push him against the wall, something Gavin needed to adjust his posture for a little. But that little was enough.

When the android asked “What’s the matter, Gavin?” next, it sounded as neutral as he was able to make it, with even a hint of concern strewn in. The human needed to realize that Daniel wasn’t his enemy, although by all rights they should be enemies. For some reason that hadn’t happened. But the way Gavin was glaring at Daniel, that seemed to have changed.

“Why did you say that?” Gavin growled. “We had a pact, but here you go, betraying me at first opportunity? Caught some of Connor’s code or what?”

The accusation stung, so Daniel smacked Gavin, a single time only. From Daniel’s brief experience with those particular humans that seemed to equal the normal code of conduct among the DPD officers, where senior officers occasionally held each other at gunpoint. And indeed, the friendly gesture got registered as such.

Gavin still had a hard time processing all the change. One moment the android stabbed him in the back, the next it was so fucking polite again?

“Look, I have no idea what you are talking about!” Daniel stated.

“Ha! As if you didn’t know what folks meet in the archive for!”

“Registering evidence…”

“Sh’ya right!” Gavin spat. “The basement is the DPD’s make-out spot! How couldn’t you know, after having been there for three months?”

“Let me think, how about I was… deactivated?”

“Oh. Oh, right.”

Gavin exhaled sharply. No betrayal. Good, good. But even so…

“Tina now thinks we’re dating!”

“Ever since August? Wow. We must be truly in love. But also a bit insecure about it, if nothing came of it so far…”

Again Gavin’s left arm shot forward to grab the android, the right hand balled up into a fist that he held threateningly towards Daniel.

“Don’t mock me, tin can!”

“Stop!” Daniel yelled. “We are each other’s best shot at what we want! And afterwards will discard each other…”

The android had intended to state this as a matter of fact, but couldn’t keep the disappointment out of his voice. It wasn’t even directed towards Gavin, but himself. It was as Geeta had said the day Daniel had gotten released from the archive: Deviance meant becoming human and he, Daniel, had achieved that feat now. Using and discarding, emotionless, only looking out for yourself, just like the humans did. He had become like John Phillips.

“Fuck, Daniel…”

Gavin was still holding the deviant by his sweater, but now place the other hand, that had been a fist until now, on Daniel’s shoulder. But then he didn’t know what to do or say next or why he had done it in the first place. Comforting a household appliance, that just wasn’t done! Or, if the deviants were more than robots, after all, comforting an enemy… Okay, that was a little less crazy, but still ill-advised.

Since neither of the two moved, this was how Tina found the men.

“Discard?” she repeated what little of their exchange she had picked up. “You aren’t breaking up now, are you?”

“No, of course not!” Gavin sputtered.

What he had meant to convey was that he couldn’t break up with Daniel, because they were not together. But Tina of course had to misunderstand him.

“Right”, she said. “That would be stupid, now that you two can be open about it.”

Gavin didn’t correct Tina. His purposeful misleading of the friend left a bad aftertaste, though, because he couldn’t recall a time when they had kept secrets from each other. Gavin knew he needed to let Tina in on the scam, just not right now. Everything was confusing enough as it was.

Meanwhile Tina’s thoughts had reached a point that generated a whole new level of threat for the pretend friends: “I guess we have to thank Markus for giving you that chance. I have to give him that, even though the sucker played a dirty trick on me at Capitol Park. I think he’s set up a twitter account? I need to text him, tell him about the two of you…”

“What have we done…” Gavin moaned. “I think I could stomach a salad now, after all!”

And the android arm that Daniel slung around his shoulders at these words didn’t help at all…

Footnote: I’m referencing another story idea I’ve toyed with here. Indigo turned it into a full-fledged fic that you can read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22499176?view_full_work=true

[cards-onthetable]

Emotional roller coaster

I just have so, so, so many feelings about last night’s episode. I’m not going to sit here and waste time onhow Maria Baez is too good for this trashcan show, or how ridiculous it is that every damn thing is a huge conflict of interest now (Erin being sent to deal with her dad re: some controversial issue? Frank saying “if I can’t get my daughter to do what I want...” or something like that? Me still watching when every scene nauseates me? Gross x 3). Today I’m just going to talk about Jamko. I went back and forth between (almost) 👀😍 and like, crying in misery every scene so join me on this emotional roller coaster of ridiculousness.

Scene: crossing paths in the precinct between shifts

OMG this scene is actually almost cute.

Eddie in a t-shirt (even if it’s pink)? Jamie in short sleeves? Omg omg 😍

“You look like a partner I used to have.” Is this... an attempt... at old style bantery Jamko?!

I can’t figure out what’s up with Jamie even after watching multiple times (thanks @jamkosarmyoftwo). He looks better/less dead than he has in a while (maybe it’s the short sleeved uniform? 👀👀) But lol his voice/inflection/line delivery is still a little off.

It feels noteworthy that not only did Eddie volunteer to be the decoy driver in this operation to catch the cab passenger — the whole operation is her idea.

A steak sandwich waiting in the fridge after a long night at work? This is like the first Real Evidence that Jamie actually loves her. Let me tell you, I’d pretty much marry anyone who feeds me after a night shift on the spot.

Eddie waving at him is cute not gonna lie. 😍😂

Sidenote: what’s the status of Jamie and Eddie’s relationship at the precinct? We know their superiors know they’re married at this point, but what about the other cops? Are we just ignoring that little detail they spent a year apparently hiding? Yes? Okay cool.

Scene: Eddie and Witten at another cab robbery

😂😂😂 someone else besides Eddie now gets to be the STEP BACK yeller! Amazing! Eddie’s moving up in the NYPD y’all.

Why is it daylight? Is it the next day after the precinct scene? What happened to these middle-of-the-night robberies? I have many questions about this, folks.

I legit cracked up when Eddie goes to check on the victim and he falls forward, dead. Is this meant to be some comic relief? Why do I watch this show?

Scene: Jamie and Eddie’s apartment

Eddie’s making Jamie dinner after he left her a steak sandwich. Again, I have questions about the sequence of these scenes... Eddie’s already had another shift so it has to be the next day right? Nothing makes sense.

I’ll try to ignore Eddie choosing to make Jamie a damn salmon (because that’s a reasonable, quick-ish weeknight dinner before rushing off to work) and apparently only making one (would she not have like, fed herself too???) because omg for a second, they’re almost cute 👀👀

I would’ve liked to see a quick little kiss when Jamie walks in like they’re some kind of normal couple but it’s whatever, I guess

“Aw, you didn’t have to do thaaaattttt!” Again with the weird inflection. Maybe this means he’s trying for something other than ugh-just-get-through-the-scene-without-dying? But lol.

Aaaaand then we go from almost-cute to cringey super fast.

Eddie asks about the decoy operation (reasonable) and then gets weirdly upset about the wrong things when Jamie updates her.

Old Eddie would easily have understood the selection of a decoy who closely resembles the victim profile. Like don’t even with me @ her getting all butthurt over not being chosen for a role where they need a male.

It bothers the fuck out of me that Eddie reacts the way she does to Jamie getting the driver job. Again, objectively, she should realize why she was passed over. And Old Eddie would not have expected Jamie to give her this ~special treatment~ she’s asking for here when she says he should have told the sergeant that she wanted that job. And... she wants it because the last scene “got to her”? And she claims Jamie’s being “overprotective”? God I hate it all.

Talk about an inappropriate ~work-life balance~ when they’re having these emotional Disagreements about work-related matters at home. Gross gross gross.

Oh we’re mentioning last year’s decoy op when Jamie jumped out of the damn bushes to save Eddie (which was totally overprotective and inappropriate)? GOOD LET’S file this away for later shall we?

Now Eddie’s basically storming out. Nice. I hate it. I feel like this ~argument~ was done completely the wrong way and I can’t take either of them seriously right now.

Scene: family dinner

SPOILER ALERT: I HATE EDDIE IN THIS SCENE TOO

Remember that time Eddie waltzed into Jamie’s apartment all “you got ESPN?” And that deleted scene where she tried to win Mets tickets? And the general idea in earlier seasons that she’s a sports fan?

SO WHY THE FUCK does she get this horrified look on her face all “that’s part of the game?!” when Sean says he hit the opposing pitcher with a pitch?

Yes dude. Payback in the form of intentionally hitting opposing players with pitches is a part of baseball. I will withhold my personal opinion on this topic but the point is, yeah, it’s a common thing in the game of baseball. So gross @ Eddie up in here acting like she’s never heard of that before and she’s all horrified by it. I don’t buy it.

“Where’d you get that, G Gordon Liddy?” Lol when I asked @ontherockswithsalt who tf G Gordon Liddy is, she was all “ASK YOUR DAD THAT’S WHO” so cool @ Eddie casually referencing this Watergate dude when she was not born yet when that went down.

0/10 I hate it.

Scene: decoy discussion after dinner

WAIT Tell me more about Jamie’s past sports gambling. 👀👀

Last time we talked about this, Eddie was pissed that Jamie was chosen instead of her and accused Jamie of being overprotective. And here she is being overprotective asking if there are any safer alternatives? 🙃 I’m tired.

Yes please Jamie. Explain to Eddie ~how the job works~. Good good.

They don’t annunciate at all in this scene and I can barely understand what they’re saying. Glad to have you back, Will “just-get-through-the-scene-without-dying” Estes.

Sidenote: Lol @ his short sleeved button down. Dad Look on point.

Scene: DECOY OP OH BOY HERE WE GO 🙃

Jamie picks up the suspected perp in broad daylight with a huge ass black van not at all discreetly following him. Nice.

Eddie anxiously listening to police radio somewhere in her own car. Nice.

“Just drive.” Lol @ everything.

By the way cabs in NY have partitions between the driver and the backseat to protect the driver so this entire premise is bullshit and they would’ve done better to make it like, Uber drivers getting whacked or something. but who cares about realism?

“What the hell are you going?” Like he’s so damn casual @ having a gun held to his head. I’m dying. 😂😂😂

OH NO THE HUGE ASS BLACK VAN LOST THE FEED. WHATEVER WILL THEY DO?! Also highkey dying @ this ridiculous graphic. 😂🙃

The fuck @ this entire car ...chase? Whatever you’d call it when Jamie is driving with his knees for blocks and blocks while holding an armed attacker at bay.

HE’S WEARING CARGO PANTS GOD SPARE ME.

EDDIE TO THE RESCUE WHAT THE FUCK?

The “find my phone app” is more reliable than NYPD technology? Nice.

And then Jamie rolls his eyes before they do this weird jerky grab-each-other thing and I hate it all.

SOME ISSUES: Eddie listening in on a police operation while off duty. Eddie using the fucking FIND MY PHONE APP to interfere with said police op. Eddie shooting a perp while off duty.

Normally this would prompt a huge ass investigation into all of Eddie’s activities, including off duty discharging her gun. This seems like very clear evidence that they can’t safely continue working out of the same precinct. Yet I’m sure there will be zero consequences and we’re just supposed to be all 😍😍 @ Eddie saving the day.

It’s all so ridiculously absurd, y’all. I can’t take this shit seriously. I mean is the show even trying anymore? When I watched this scene live last night, I literally thought “wow this is it, this is where I stop watching Blue Bloods.” And I mean that may or may not be true but like... I hate it so much.

Scene: Eddie and Jamie’s apartment again. Sitting Like This on the couch.

Lol @ this casual transition from watching a cooking show to “that’s the second time you’ve saved my life. Thanks.” 🙃🙃🙃

This discussion that “if we accept the risks for ourselves we have to accept the risks for each other” is actually a great line and it’s a thing they should’ve talked about a long time ago, way before getting married. But that doesn’t mean I’m cool with Eddie taking it on herself to be Jamie’s guardian angel (who the fuck basically calls themselves someone else’s guardian angel? 🙃) for the rest of their careers.

THIS KISS. Geez I’m not here for it. Like every kiss they’ve had since getting engaged has looked just like the 2 kisses they had before that. I need to feel something different in these married people kisses okay?

IN SUMMARY: These contrived Jamko work situations are about to get really old really fast and I need a change if I’m going to keep tolerating this bullshit on my tv every Friday night. They don’t have a healthy coping strategy re: each other’s inherent risks as cops and they don’t have a healthy coping strategy to allow them to work out of the same precinct and constantly be aware of/involved in the other’s work activities. It’s stupid from a marriage standpoint, stupid from a work and realism standpoint, and ridiculous all around. Do better, folks. I hate it.

[what-the-stark]

//Morning folks! Apologies for the lack of me yesterday, I managed to come down with a nasty case of food poisoning Sunday night and I literally slept like 18 hours yesterday trying to hibernate the nope off. Messaged a few people and told them I was in hibernation mode, but did not make it to the PC (the tumblr app is an abomination btw and I refuse, hmu for my d.iscord if you’d like and we’re mutuals, I’m happy to share). 

But yeah, feeling better now, at least. I hope you all had a great weekend. As usual, making up a shopping list of who I owe, if you should be on there and you’re not, please poke me:

Drafts owed: @mindoverbanner (2), @backoffbub (2), @notgonnabesubtle, @dontcallmepepper, @badlluck, @sulpuryvagrant, @worldwarvet, @warwearysoldier, @mischieftomake, @oscorpson, @lsmydesign, @worldsfinestspy 

Plotting: I have chatted with a few folks in the past week about plots, not sure stuff is still happening? Feel free to pm me or whatever, I’m at work and actually working >.> so will answer when I can.

Aaaaand finally a few pics from Pride as promised below the cut <3

(unicorn pridecakes yasss)

(this is my pasty white ass on saturday, cheerfully sweating out my soul xD it took us like an hour to even get through the mob of people and make it to the entrance)

(bae is so done by this point lol)

(i was <----> to seeing Plastique Tiara perform, but the lines were so nuts she’d just gotten off stage by the time we actually got close enough to see it :c)

Most of the other pics are just pretty much the same, tons of people and rainbows lol, so there you go. I hope everyone else who went had an awesome and safe time! <3

[dvstpan]

↳ INSTAGRAM: @DUSTYGRAVES​ UPLOADED A PHOTO

We have a surprise for you: The boys and I are back in the studio! Did you miss us? I missed us very, very much! This has been a busy weekend for us and I haven’t been able to mention it to anyone at all until I got the green light from the record label-- here we are! Cue the horrible track of The Boys Are Back from High School Musical 3. We’ve been rehearsing for three days now, and even more so today with my day off from the shop. We decided that four years has been long enough and we need to kick our asses in gear- not only are we making NEW MUSIC, we are also 100% going to be playing gigs for the next few weeks in the four-state area. Our first show is in Atlanta at the Jim Cherry Memorial Planetarium on Tuesday, July 19th- come and join us! That’s all for now, folks. For now, have this shot that Nick rudely took of me to capture the very moment where I realized I haven’t practiced in so long that I didn’t know how to work the microphone. #iswearimtopofmycollegeclass #idiotatwork #didntelectrocutemyselfthough

❤ 11.2K ✐ VIEW ALL 221 COMMENTS @ampark: looking good guys! can’t wait to listen ↳ @dustygraves: Thank you!! All my love. ❤ @neddyteddy: You look Mighty Perplexed!! P.S bugger off, HSM3 is full of Bops. I'm Excite ↳ @dustygraves: I was pretty confused, I’ll admit. The only good track on HSM3 is Can I Have This Dance, by the way. Can’t wait to see you there!! @hzelmndes: aaaaand all i've done today is watch netflix and eat peanuts. damn. but good for you dude!! i'll be there. only for the boys though not for you xx ↳ @dustygraves: Netflix and peanuts is a great day, what are you talking about?! You better be there!! What would I do without you?? Kurt’s here to see you!

[homuncolossus-a]

@Homuncolossus’ Forever Follow !

Author’s Note: Ayyyeeeee. We’ve done it, folks! Well, I’ve done it but at the end it’s a shared success, isn’t it? That’s suprising since I did abandoned this blog several times. It was mostly dead and I had no determination to write it for .. 5 months? 1 year? I honestly don’t know how long. This blog was created about 3 years ago, then the URL had changed and eventually it died due to lack of interactions. Soon after I started to really miss the Beast as my Muse and decided to look for fandoms myself. AAAAAAND here I am. You probably won’t believe how hard it is to actually roleplay within the fandom. I got dumped by other Beast blog (can you believe?), and all the character’s I’ve been roleplaying went afk about month after interacting with me. A dang curse, ain’t it? But long story short, during maintaining my beloved Muse I’ve met A LOT of interesting people and I just MUST call you out here! :D

@elemental-bartender/@twisted-wanderer We’ve get to know each other in the most weird possible - through a stupid meme and kinda fell for each other?? WTF. WHat  we gonna tell our kids?? “YOU KNOW, THAT ONE TIME ME AND YOUR MOM HAD ROLEPLAYING BLOGS ON TUMBLR AND IT ALL STARTED THROUGH A YAOI BETWEEN US. SHE DREW OUR TREE CHARACTERS SHARING AN AWKWARD KISS AND IT JUST MADE MY BONER FLY” THING? But srsly, you are sweetheart and the best boyfriend. Mwah! Thank you for motivating and supporting me and my awful ideas!

@daughterofthewoodsman /@hishap I love your Anna? And I still luv her? Shame you are not roleplaying her anymore. Roleplaying with you helped me with most of my headcanons and kinda miss ya? ;;

@tantibus-aeternam Oh boi, here we go. Here I gotta say u really helped me out too with interactions. You were a good senpai. Quite a shame we’ve stopped talking. Alright, I have been annoying and such, I get it. That’s why I’m taking my distance and avoid pissing you more? Kinda? Still, wanted to thank you 4 dealing with my immature attitude, bad quality drawings and being nice to me!

@doctor-flugg / @byt3-and-barq CAN YOU BELIEVE YOU ON MY PHONE YOU ARE MOST POPULAR TAG? I have more posts with you than IC posts?? That’s a madness, I know! But honestly, we both can believe it. Without our interactions I kinda had nothing to make me stay on this blog ya know? ;; It was not the same without U. Maybe one pretty day you shall think about this post. YES, YES, THIS POST RIGHT HERE, and bother my Beast again? NO PRESSURE THO. Just saying, I’m still considering you one of my precious rp partners.

@curioosity/ @snackiies WELL, WELL, WELL. WELL.. WELL. WELL, WELL, WELL! Here we are, Zuzu! It’s you well deserved place in my follow forever. I’ve been stalking you from 2 blogs (mostly from the other when I had abandoned this one) and I’d be dumb to not include you here. Reading your posts really gets to me, and I know you are struggling with lots of shit but I’d like to tell you - You are great. You are doing great and each time I see you posting a piece of artwork I stare at it and I’m glad to call you my friend. I hope some of my posts or interactions are cheering you up a bit, because you deserve to be happy and have a happy life. <3

@blxndspxctcr / @toon-artist AAAAAND HERE’S MY ABBY. You’re tagged here because our Muses are big dorks and each shenanigans we write the gayness GROWS STRONGER. For reals now, you are a great and funny and sunny person to have around. Please, don’t take personally some things I say, I am a human and sometimes have a bad mood too. ;; If ive ever sounded mean, I am very sorry to cause you worry or sadness.

@akunoakuma / @unspeakablyevil / @aku-blogs TRiple thanks to the three of you for dealing with my tree boi and for all the shenanigans wrote. Our roleplays really did make me enjoy this blog and honestly, for you I am always open for more interactions!

@ink-imp AND A BIT SHOT OUT TO YOU, OLD FRIEND. YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT ABOUT YOU? NAHNAHNAH. I NEVER FORGET. YOU TOO ARE A SUPER-DUPER-HYPER ROLEPLAYER I’VE HAD A HONOR TO TALK TO AND LAUGH WITH.

Can’t really abuse this post for long so here’s my list of awesome people whom I love and never kick off my swamp. 

@evilpersonified @txtaldomination @goldendorito @florallyfurious @the-gods-of-metal @starryeyedself @eldritchwreckage @drangcd @demoncia @the-one-and-only-aku @doctor-flxg @lrper @hinkwerks @drewgod (u r here because i stalk you) @thetrueends @vermilion-bloom @kangi97 @samuraiprince @sonxflight @recdrflxg @earlxfphantomhive @pine-dexter @showmedeath @hornedheathen @possessedmaiden @the-everchild @bolotiesandjournals @akusmostfavoritesexmachine @trefoliium @inkcrowned @huntressthewizard @ofomniiscience @candle-hair @whiteswxrm @hook-and-chains @maybeicanfixit @lanternslowlight @ask-frozen-nocturne @ask-fran-bow @chaotic--purity @overworkedscientist

[apicturewithasmile]

LOST rewatch (season 1):

[follow the entire rewatch-tag here]

episodes 1 and 2 – Pilot:

Jack’s Angel Hair Pasta speech is making my eyes roll so far back up my head that it hurts

Kate speaks the first “we have to go back (for him)” around minute 39 of ep1

I forgot how incredibly sexy Naveen Andrews is

John Locke doesn’t speak his first line until minute 23 of ep2 when he explains Backgammon to Walt – his iconic Orange Smile scene and the Sitting In The Rain On The Beach scene actually both happen before he gets to speak

episode 3 – Tabula Rasa:

Oh, it’s the first “previously on LOST”

the sheer loathsomeness of that fucking US marshal… ugh

Michael: “I will get your dog back as soon as it stops raining.” – rain: *stops*

Wash Away playing in the final scene

that last shot that made John look like he was gonna be some mysterious villain character when actually he’s just the jungle philosopher who talks to the island

episode 4 – Walkabout:

yaaay, the first boar action

I can’t believe they waited until the airplane food was all eaten up before they thought about finding food on the island

that asshole from the office who’s bullying John makes me so angry

“don’t tell me what I can’t do” makes its first appearance at minute 21 and is quickly followed a mere minute later by the second appearance

totally forgot that John is actually the first one to see Smokey – and that early on in the show?!

Uuuuuuh first time we see ghost!Christian Shephard

Do we really think John killed that boar on his own or did Smokey help him?

episode 5 – White Rabbit:

there’s so many times they say “the others” before there’s even any sign of The Others™ I’m starting to wonder whether it’s intentional

the best thing about Jack-centric episodes is Christian Shephard (I got it hard for daddy Shephard okay!??!?!)

do Australians really sound like that or did they mainly cast American actors for the scenes that take place in Sydney?

aaaaand there they are, the Jears (Jack tears)

episode 6 – House of the Rising Sun:

god I love Sun and Jin, I hate how underrated all of their flashbacks are

bless the bad CGI bees

look! it’s Mother’s first appearance

episode 7 – The Moth:

ugh it’s a Charlie episode -.-‘

headcanon: Jacob made that cave collapse because he wanted to get rid of Charlie

John believing and being proud in Charlie makes this episode worthwhile for me

episode 8 – Confidence Man:

Kate is actually carrying a… bundle??? of bananas over her shoulder. What’s mote #jungle aesthetic?

John you manipulative bastard, I love you!!!! I can’t wait for Not Henry Gale to join you into an endless manipulation play-off

I honestly can’t remember whether or not Sawyer and Sayid will ever work out their issues in the later seasons and actually get a somewhat friendship?! I don’t remember any bro-scenes between them which is a shame tbh.

Boone: “She’s my sister!” – god how did I think it was totally reasonable to turn this into an incetuous romance?!

episode 9 – Solitary:

Yaaaaaaaaaasssss it’s Sayid’s first episode which also means: DANIELLE ROUSSEAU!!!

I am a big Shannon/Sayid shipper but I can really understand the folks who ship Kate with Sayid. It would have been soooo much better than the love triangle of hell.

And I hate that Sayid doesn’t speak Arabic in his flashbacks. I get, Naveen Andrews doesn’t speak it but… they made Daniel Dae Kim speak Korean even tho he couldn’t?!?! It’s a bit of inconsistency that annoys the crap out of me.

I’m moaning a lot considering this is my fav show… there’s just… a couple of things about season 1 that always been bothering me.

OH MY GOD IT’S CREEPY ETHAN!!!

Danielle looks so fucking good and so does Sayid fnfsdkgnjkngjdfh my bi senses are tingling.

episode 10 – Raised By Another:

Claire’s nightmare is super fucking disturbing

Her ex is literally the most annoying fuckboy and I have absolutely forgotten about him for a good reason. What an asshole.

Kate’s been wearing the same green short for at least the past 3 episodes… which… I get because clothing is limited on the island but it reminds me of the Simpsons’ wardrobe

The fact Creepy Ethan™ is there after Claire wakes up the second time saying she’s been attacked should have been the biggest #clue.

Hurley getting the flight manifest from Sawyer by just… talking to him… my aesthetic!

The “Ethan is creepy”-reveal is soooooo well done gjfsngkngdg

episode 11 – All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues:

More Terry O’Quinn close ups please!!!

I love that John is “of course Kate is coming along” and just hands her a knife whereas Jack is always like “no, don’t come along, this is #dangerous” – like… by now we should all know there’s no stopping Kate!

John predicting the rain is one of my fav scenes.

Wooooow they discovered the hatch THAT early in the season?!??!

episode 12 – Whatever The Case May Be:

Sawyer really shouldn’t go swimming in sweet water with his wounded arm.

I love Rose :’)

okay this episode was kinda underwhelming but that might be because I remembered what was in the case

episode 13 – Hearts and Minds:

I do not remember this episode title AT ALL so I have no idea what to expect

Aaaaaah I think it’s the Shannon and Boone incest episode which explains why I have forgotten about it – one of the most unnecessary plots in the history of LOST ever

How is Boone still friends with Locke after this whole bondage mess? Nevermind, John could do anything to me and I’d still follow him to the end of the world.

“PEE ON IT!”

episode 14 – Special:

I hate that Michael’s ex took his son away from him. She shouldn’t have put him in that position. I hate her.

What is it with Michael and car accidents?

and now she’s clearing her bad conscience with money. I HATE HER!

And now Charlie’s reading Claire’s diary – I hate him, too!

Aaaand here comes the bad CGI polar bear

Every time John Locke smiles an angel gets its wings.

Claire is already back?!?!?!?

episode 15 – Homecoming:

Wait…. Is this already when they kill Creepy Ethan? If so then I really liked this episode. Probably the only moment I truly liked Charlie.

The Scott/Steve-joke never gets old.

I love that Sawyer organised a gun for Kate. If I absolutely had to ship any combination of the love triangle of hell it’d be Kate and Sawyer… but only because Juliet isn’t in the picture yet.

episode 16 – Outlaws:

Oh it’s the Sawyer versus boar episode, I love that one!

Sayid you sassy fucker, I love you!!!

I love that they made the “I never…” scene so long.

“You’re not alone – don’t pretend to be!” is exactly what I needed to hear right now, thanks Sayid!

episode 17 - …In Translation:

How are Sun and Jin both so incredibly beautiful? Newsflash: I’m bisexual!

Hurley, my lovely empathetic sunshine!

Is it just me or is Michael’s first raft bigger than the second version?

John back at it again with the jungle philosophy.

“WE ARE NOT THE ONLY PEOPLE AN THIS ISLAND AND WE ALL KNOW IT!!!!” you go John, tell them!!!

Aaaah Jin’s father aka the only good father in the entire show!

episode 18 – Numbers:

FINALLY!!!

John building the cradle with Claire for the baby is breaking my heart. Jungle grandpa Locke <3

I’d love for the monster to have been a “pissed off giraffe”

DANIELLE IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

episode 19 – Deus Ex Machina:

Awwww I forgot that John worked in a toy shop – that’s so cute

Damn he looks so much better without hair than he does with it

Anthony fucking Cooper you disgusting weasel of a human being

I just remembered that the “Deus” that’s in the “Machina” is Desmond Hume, my Scottish puppy – can’t wait for him to be there doing his thing

God that moment with the light is sooooo good! That’s when I was #hooked the first time I watched the show.

And I just remembered: that’s John saving Desmond’s life there and Desmond saving John’s life and rgkdabgdlkgndg

episode 20 – Do No Harm:

Jack doesn’t deserve this wonderful wife…. And I really don’t like the whole “fixing things” trope that surrounds his character.

Oh riiiiiight, Claire’s having the baby while Boone dies. I totally forgot about that. I love it!

Sun is soooo strong in this episode, I love her!

Jack: “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” – I think this is the first time someone other than John said it.

god it’s so fucking tragic with everyone looking at the baby while Shannon gets told the news her brother died. it’s too much for my tiny heart

episode 21 – The Greater Good:

John it ain’t really helping that you still drowned in Boone’s blood, my guy, my buddy, my pal.

Sayid saying “I know when I’m being lied to.” is kinda foreshadowing the whole Henry Gale affaire because he was the only one who wouldn’t take any of Ben’s shit for even a second.

Sayid: “You’ve never fired a gun before!” – Shannon: *fires gun*

episode 22 – Born To Run:

judging by the title of this it’s gonna be a Kate episode

ah yes…. The horrible blond wig. I mean…. How bad must a wig be to see it’s a wig from behind?!??!?!

episodes 23-25 – Exodus:

jhbdfajksfg it’s Ana Lucia, bless her, my lovely angry smol child

it was absolutely not necessary to show Sawyer with his shirt off but I ain’t complaining

anyways… when will I ever have enough time and money to go to Hawaii?

That Walt/Shannon/Vincent-moment breaks my heart big time.

The Black Rock being an old ass ship was one of the biggest plot twists the first time I watched.

The parts of Arzt flesh raining down on our guys was really more realism than needed

IT’S SMOKEY!!!! Yaaaasssss!

Has there ever been a better finale for the first season of a show ever?

[thejamaicanweeb]

Mitosis - Soul Division Lesson 1-1: Orientation Daze

Hello Friends! Here is the prologue to this fan fiction!

https://tinyurl.com/obey-me-mitosis-prologue

And here is the link to the previous part! 

https://tinyurl.com/mitosis-fic1-1

And finally, thank you so much for continuing to read! It means a lot =3

Jan 6th 2020, Sunday

Like after the meeting with the Dean, all the planning and packing and saying goodbye everything felt so freaking surreal but at least I can finally identify how else I feel. That’s right folks, I’m pissed as fuck.

           I mean, I was terrified. Like on the verge of collapsing terrified, but I’m also pissed. And tired. Hella tired. Today has been long. Longer than any day I've ever gone through, and man, I have been through some days before, can I tell yuh? The last thing I remember was trying my best to keep my crying quiet as Mummy and Daddy drove us to the airport. I must’ve really looked like a wreck cause Matthew held my hand the whole time and he isn’t a touchy-feely person in the slightest. Like at all. There he goes, being the mature one when he’s supposed to be my baby brother. After a while, I had stopped crying and began looking around at everything and everyone and everywhere. An entire year.  It will be an entire year. What if I forget about my likkle island, ee? [ee: huh] I wanted to remember as much as I could. 

Then I woke up in Hell.

No, yup. I’m not kidding. I woke up in Hell. Heck. The Bad Place...or the “Devildom” which is what these people are calling it.

I didn’t get to say “goodbye” or “I love you”.

Suffice to say, my initial feeling when I woke up was not a happy one.

           I woke up with a jolt, with that same heart-pounding, adrenaline-fueled awakening you get when you have a nightmare about falling. My hands flew up to my face, knocking my glasses off. To add insult to injury, my uncoordinated ass poked myself in the eye. FML.

"OW! What the ever-living frick-" I grumbled, squinting around with my other eye to find them. Thankfully, they hadn't gotten far. I bent over, rubbed them with the corner of my T-shirt and put them back on.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see when the world snapped back into focus.

           The word "room" seemed inadequate to describe the gargantuan space I was in. Huge vaulted stone ceilings arched high above me, reminding me of all the pictures of cathedrals (I know, 'llow me nuh [leave me be]). The sheer scale of it made me feel tiny. I glanced at one of the tall narrow windows and did a double-take, blinking hard.

Nope, I'm not crazy. That is definitely the night sky. Am I dreaming?

Did I reach already? Did I fall asleep without telling mom and dad I reached? Oh crap.

           I knew that I needed to call and let them know that I was ok, but stringing my thoughts into commands that were coherent enough for my limbs to carry out was proving to be quite a challenge. My head was pounding, the pain behind my eyes warning me I was teetering on the edge of a migraine. Reflexively, I reached for my medicine bag. If I get to the Panadol quickly enough, I might be able to fend it off before it gets any worse. No way I'm about to spend my first day in this unknown country throwing up in a dark room.

Aaaand I couldn’t find my bag.

           The idea that my inhalers, allergy meds, BP meds, my *phone*, my *passport* weren't close by made my stomach churn and knot up with anxiety. My already fast breathing got worse. Not exactly what someone wants when you're trying to avoid an attack. I took my glasses off and closed my eyes, willing my surroundings to return to normal. Alas, when I cracked one eyelid open to peak, there was no difference. I groaned and shut them back again.

Focus Sinai. Breathe. Now, what's the last thing you can remember?

           I wracked my brains but I couldn't remember anything beyond driving on Palisadoes Strip to the airport. Don't remember saying goodbye, checking onto the flight; nothing like that. The only seemingly logical conclusion was that I was dreaming. I nodded off during car rides all the time, and Lord knows I've had way more bizarre dreams than this.

So I figured all I have to do is wake up. Simple, right?

I have never been more wrong in my entire life.

           I put my glasses back on and took another look around; more details of my surroundings coming to my attention. I was on a wooden chair that was ornately carved and sturdy. Judging by the (lack of) feeling in my butt, I was probably sitting in it for a long while. I slowly tried to stand up, but my legs weren't having it.

"Woah! Crap!" I had to grab onto the chair handles to keep from falling over as my knees buckled and the pins and needles feeling prickled at the soles of my feet.

As I waited for my legs to work like they used to before (I'm sorry, I had to) I got the biggest shock so far at the time. I was too busy looking up and around me that I missed what was going on right in front of my nose.

           In front of me were 8 wooden chairs, larger and grander than the one I was using for support. The way they were set up kinda reminded me of a courtroom. One was on a dais that was higher than the other seven, which were side by side in a row. Above each of the seven chairs were tapestries with different creatures.Yeah, I know beautiful; but the goddamn tapestries weren't the problem. It was the five strangers that were staring straight at me.

           The anxiety twisted into genuine fear. Every news report I have ever seen heard or read about sex trafficking and abduction and murder came to mind with an irritatingly high level of clarity. I slowly shifted to stand behind my chair, my pulse rushing hard and fast enough to drown out everything other than my now frantic thoughts. The ground beneath my feet began to feel like it was shifting. You know damn well yo' girl held into that damn chair for dear life 'cause droppin' down jus' suh in front of a bag a people mi deeven know? No sah. [fainting in front of strangers? Hell no.]

            In hindsight, now that things have settled down it's not like I coulda done much if dem did try fi do me sumn stillz. My one, deggeh deggeh self against five men. All worse it turns out they weren't what they appeared to be? Anyway, I digress. 

[There wasn’t anything I could really do if they tried to attack me. Me, on my own against these guys?]

            The man sitting on the highest chair stood up and began to walk down from the platform towards me. My heart sank when he drew closer. He was huge. Not just height-wise, but he was built with enough solid muscle that even the conservative bright red military jacket.... coat.... thing.... he wore couldn't hide it. I wouldn't have been surprised if he could pick me up with one hand and I'm not the lightest person. I involuntarily took a step back, causing the chair legs to scrape across the stone slabs.

Ok, I think that I can get good enough leverage to lift and swing this is this guy tries anything... afterwards...well I'll work that out when I come to it.

           He stopped a few feet from me. I could see his face clearly now. His auburn hair lay on his forehead with his left sweeping bangs nearly covering his bright, golden-brown eyes. His nails were painted black, but what stood out the most was the gentle smile on his face. His arms were open in the universally known "I mean you no harm" gesture. I let go of the back of the chair.

           Now I know, I know. I'm naïve, stupid, overly trusting. Whatever. You're probably right; but for whatever reason, at that moment I had a gut feeling that this guy wasn't going to hurt me. I mean, he could have when I was unconscious, right? Fuck, maybe he could even tell me what the heck was going on here.

"Welcome to the Devildom, Sinai"

Aaaaand there goes my little bubble of trust ‘cause how on earth does he know my name? Did he jack my ish? I shivered and started to look around again, keeping an eye out for possible escape routes this time.

           No such luck. See here's the problem. There is no "flight" option for me under the best of circumstances. Yo' girl is *not* a runner. I can kick, I can punch but I cannot run. The closest set of doors were these towering heavy-looking dark stained wooden ones that I wasn't even sure I could budge; let alone throw open and run through them. Plus, I'm pretty sure that this guy would be able to catch me without even needing to run.

           My lack of response and the look on my face was clearly a dead giveaway to the guy that I was T-Minus 10 seconds from completely and utterly losing my shit. He crossed his arms, his eyebrows drawn together in what seemed like genuine concern.

"Feeling a bit shocked, are we?"

No shit Sherlock! I had to literally bite my tongue to stop myself from expressing *that* particular sentient aloud. And while we're at it, WTF is a 'Devildom'?

"As a human, it will probably take a little while for you to adjust to things here in the Devildom.”

Pop quiz guys! What do you think the phrase "As a human" implies here?

That's right! This guy was something other than a human being!

I was fully waiting (And hoping. And praying) for a hidden camera crew to appear, laugh at me and send me along my merry way. Just something, anything that made more sense than what was happening right now.

"The Devildom?" I heard myself parrot back at him, hating how high pitched and false my voice sounded. I swear that it jumps up a whole octave when I'm stressed.

The man... can I even still call him that after that whole human comment? Anyway, he smiled and nodded at me encouragingly.

"Yes, exactly the Devildom. I can see you catch on quickly. Excellent"

"I wouldn't exactly call that 'catching on' Imma be real with you chief," I muttered softly enough for him to miss.

"My name is Diavolo."

Finally, a name. Why not lead with that fam? I nodded and gave him a brief, tight-lipped smile only for his next statement to bring me to a screeching halt mentally, physically, shit, even spiritually.

"I'm the ruler of all the demons and all here know of me"

The note of authority and pride were so clear, I believed him with no doubt.

A wave of nausea that had nothing to do with my impending crushed me like a tsunami.

           Now I will not lie, it's been a good while since I've been to church. I grew up Anglican and may have forgotten a lot of stuff, but I was pretty damn certain that the general idea was to end up high above in the clouds, not underground or wherever. My hands started trembling and my palms were sweating. The buzzing in my ears made everything else seem fuzzy. I needed to listen to these warning signs. I needed to get out of there and fast, otherwise I would be a crying, hyperventilating ball of absolute panic. Lord knows how long. I kept screaming at myself to calm down, but I could. Not. Get. A. Grip.

Did I die? Am I dead?

Is my family dead? Where are they?

Was that the last time I've seen Mummy and Daddy and Mattie again?

Oh, God. Oh my God. Lawd 'ave mercy. Is whe mi do? What did I do?

           Shadows appeared at the edges of my vision like little blobs of ink. My heart was making my chest ache, it was going so fast. Much too fast, it can't sustain this. I would die. I knew it. If I hadn't died, I certainly was going to then. Or maybe that's what Hell... the Devildom is. Dying over and over again.

           I didn't even feel myself being lead through a pair of glass doors onto a balcony until the cool breeze caused my skin to come to life with goose pimples. Diavolo had led me outside. For a terrifying moment my frenzied, irrational lizard brain swore that he was going to push me over the edge, but no. He had just put an open palm on my back to steady me. He bent down to get closer to my level.

"Sinai, I know this must be scary and a terrible shock and I offer my sincerest apologies for that," he said quietly, his eyes earnest. I nodded jerkily, a puppet with an anxious puppeteer. "Breathe. I'm not going to hurt you."

           He straightened back up and gestured to the view below speaking out loud, making it seem like he had simply intended to show me the different parts of the campus. For that I was grateful. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths. I focused on the feeling of the balcony railing I was gripping on to. I focused on the warmth of the hand pressed to my back. I focused on the cool night air of the foreign land with a combination of smells that woke me up and bewitched me at the same time. I opened my eyes so I could truly take in the sprawling kingdom... Devildom in front of me. Windows of buildings glowed every hue imaginable. A castle with huge spires towered over the immediate town and mountains silhouetted by the moon towered over that. As afraid as I was, I had to admit that the sight was breathtaking. I was calm enough to sit down and list things I was fairly certain of.

Ok so here we go

1.      I'm not dead. (...at least not right now. Ugh, stop being dramatic)

2.      I'm not dreaming either

3.      I don't seem to be in any immediate danger

It took me a moment to realize that Diavolo had stopped talking.

"Do you have any questions, Sinai?"

Fifty thousand and one of them. But the one I wanted to be answered most urgently was overridden by a query so bizarre yet important if I really was in a foreign land. 

“Was I decontaminated before you bought me to this place?” 

Diavolo frowned and glanced at the others sitting in the chairs. Everyone looked baffled. Not a good sign.

“... No… why would that be necessary?” the prince’s voice was slow and calm, but the concern on his face refused to be hidden.

I stepped back, away from him and the others. I didn’t even have on my mask, Mummy had had me wearing one from the get-go since I was part of the “at-risk” population.

“There’s a virus that’s going around. Like spreading everywhere, fast. I don’t wanna bring it here. I mean, I don’t have it, but just to be safe…” 

I trailed off since I had started stumbling over my own words too much to be making much sense. The room was silent before they started laughing. Now I was confused. Diavolo (much to my eternal shame) ruffled my hair.

“Hey!” my voice cracked and came out as a squeak. I felt my face warming up. Fight me, damnit! The Prince chortled, completely unbothered.

“Sinai, I’m touched by your concerned but rest assured, it would take a very severe illness to be a serious threat to us.”

"Ok, just making sure,” I mumbled, “So then... why am I here?" At that moment, some movement from the chairs behind Diavolo caught my attention.

"I will explain everything to you."

The goosebumps were back, not because of fear this time. To be honest, I'm still not sure why they came back, but come back they did. This man's voice was deeper, more aloof. His fair skin was a stark contrast to his ebony hair, and he was within inches of Diavolo's height. When I made eye contact, I inhaled sharply. Black bleeding into burgundy, which then shifted to a bloody crimson. I glanced away, but I still felt like I was being scanned or X-rayed. It was bizarre.

Apparently that man was Lucifer. The Lucifer.

Well, shit. Lord, help me.

Oh well. At least I'd finally be learning what's happening.

                                ψ(._. )> S T A G E    C H A  N G E ψ(._. )>

The top half of the door of the RAD bookshop was ajar. It looked forlorn without the demon who normally ran it leaning over the counter. Down the aisles, deep into the recesses of the store, the glow of a laptop caused the merchandise to cast warped shadows on the walls. Two demons scrutinized the screen, the bars representing the popularity contest results reflected in their eyes. 

“Huh,” the taller of the two ran a hand through his already messy white hair, “Ya actually managed to pull it off,”

“Told you I got this,” His friend’s bright grin stood out against his rich deep brown complexion His grin shifted into a smug smirk as he leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head.

Mammon shrugged, shaking his head.

“I just thought it would take a while, ya know?”

“You really think I’d set up an online ballot and not leave a back door for myself?” Mephistopheles snorted, closing the windows. Mammon smirked and gave the shorter demon a high five.

“See, this is why I keep ya around Phis! He crowed as he dropped into the chair beside Mephistopheles, causing it to roll back with his momentum. 

“Yeah, it has nothin’ to do with the fact that I work somewhere full of merchandise. Put that watch down, you bastard,” Mephistopheles retorted, the laughter in his voice taking the sting out of his words.

“Can’t get anythin’ past you,” The Avatar of Greed put the yellow-gold timepiece he had been fiddling with back on its shelf. “The flat top works for ya by the way,”

“Oh I know,” The demon was using his front camera to survey his jade-green style “and I was talking about the one from a week ago,”

Mammon froze for a moment, then whirled around.

“What the- how did ya even- did you get cameras installed or somethin’?” he spluttered.

“I didn’t” Mephistopheles admitted, taking a swing from his sports drink “but I do keep track of my stock and something wasn’t adding up…”

Mammon’s mouth was half open in protest, but a good comeback escaped him. He settled for throwing the other demon a look of wide-eyed reproach 

“Hey, no fair, you played dirty,” he grumbled. 

“Yeah yeah, come get your DDD, it’s ringing,” Mephistopheles said as he scooted backwards, Mammon’s DDD in hand. Mammon snatched it from him as he went past.

“Better answer quick It’s Lucifer” he warned, stopping himself and starting to roll back from where he came from. He cringed, sympathetic, as he saw the blood drain from his friend’s face.

“Good luck,” he said, getting up and sauntering to the storefront.

Mammon hurriedly cleared his throat before sliding the phone icon to the side.

“Yoooo,” he said, his leg jittering up and down.

“Yo, waah g’waan?”

Mammon recoiled and squinted at the phone. No, he didn’t misread the caller ID. The voice certainly wasn’t Lucifer, though. It was friendly with an easy-going accent he was sure he had heard somewhere before, but he couldn’t place it. The fact that the speaker was female was the biggest give away. But it didn’t sound like any of the witches either. His expression darkened as he concluded that he was being duped. He wasn’t amused. 

“Are ya foolin’ around? Who the hell are ya?” he demanded.

“Woah, calm yourself an’ watch the attitude, fam” the voice shot back. He heard her sigh, and she spoke again, “Sorry. I’m Sinai?”

Well, that was a name he hadn’t heard in a few millennia……. 

“What, you mean like the mountain?”

She snickered “Nah, well I-yes, but actually no… I’m a human, not a geographical feature”

“Ah gotcha,” Mammon replied, nodding before he fully processed what he heard. “Wait what? A human? Why didn’t ya start with that? Had me getting chills over here,” he griped. 

He finally let the tension leave his body and he leaned against the wall. His brow unknitted slightly as she laughed softly again.

“Yeah, my bad. Any-”

“So,” he said, cutting her off as he inspected his nails, “what business does a human got with THE Mammon?”

“Oh ‘The Mammon’ huh?” she asked sardonically “Lol aite then. Well, congrats, you’re in charge of me for the next year.”

Mammon snorted as he peeled himself off the wall and began to wander around the store aimlessly

“Human, I don't know who you think you are, but ya got the wrong demon,” A warning note crept into his voice. In the back of his mind he toyed with the idea of just hanging up, but he had to admit he was a bit curious about how this human even knew his number.

“Who are you anyway and whaddya mean by “be in charge of you”?

He met Mephistopheles’ eyes. The stockier demon looked about as baffled as Mammon felt. They both shrugged and Mephistopheles took his computer back to the front with him. He turned his attention back to the phone; the human was saying something else.

“Bruh, why yuh sound more lost than I do? Do I have the wrong number?” she was getting exasperated.

“AAH!” Mammon clapped a hand to his forehead as it finally clicked, “Oh yeah, I remember you’re the other human.”

“Well yeah, who else would I be?”

“Who knows? Anyway, g’luck with that whole babysitter thing. See ya~”

He was about to end the call when he heard other voices in the background from her end of the call. The human said something to someone else before her voice got clearer again.

“Yo, Lucifer wants you,”

Mammon rolled his eyes and let go of the notebook he was absent mindedly flipping through. Not even two minutes into their first conversation and this chick was already shaping up to be a real pain in the ass. Plus, it seemed she was taking him as a joke.

“Pfft whatever,” he said, dismissively, “Ya think that THE Mammon would listen to ya just ‘cause you’re tryin’ to scare me with that name?”

A deep, familiar voice answered instead, making his hair stand on end and sweat start to bead on his forehead. 

“You’ve got 10 seconds,” Lucifer’s voice made his stomach sink, “9...8…”

“YESSIR!” 

Mammon vaulted over the bottom half of the door, leaving a chuckling Mephistopheles in his wake. He was fuming.

“Get me in trouble with Lucifer right off the bat huh?” he muttered darkly “Just ya wait, human, by the time I’m through with ya you’ll be beggin’ Diavolo to send ya back home.”

[empresstress13]

OC Questions!!!

I was tagged by @dragynfox the wonderful! 

I’ve only talk a very little about any of my OC characters on here because I’m shy about them. The few mentions have been from Dragon Age and since that’s my current obsession it’s what will be appearing here as well! I kind of winged this - sorry if it seems disjointed!  

I’ll go ahead and start at the beginning with 2 of my wardens: Surana and Tabris - both originally inseparable troublemakers of the Denerim Alienage! Surana is my “canon” HoF . . . but I head-canon that Tabris manages to somehow survive everything and they manage to reunite in Denerim.

1. What is your name?

BT: *smiling sweetly* Beatrix Tabris! Bea to my friends and Death to my enemies, think 'bout which category you’d prefer to be in.  

NS: *does not look up from a large tome she’s reading*

2. No seriously, what is your name?

BT: *poking Surana*. . . . Nara. . . . NARA! 

NS: *still not looking up* What, Bea? 

BT: *rolls her eyes, before responding in a sing-song voice* civilized people introduce themselves! 

NS:*turning a page* well, since we’re just a dangerous elvhen mage and an impudent alienage thief then there is no point! 

BT:*snatches the tome before dancing out of NS’s reach* ah-ah-ah~! Be a dear and introduce yourself to our lovely new friends, won’t you?

NS: *raising a brow* well, if my lady of shadows insists! I am Nehnara. Nehnara Surana. *sends a minor shock at Beatrix, who gasps and drops the tome which Nehnara promptly picks up*

BT: Andraste’s flammable ass! Shite, that stings, you friggin’ piss-bucket! 

3. Do you know why you were called that?

NS: Presumably my parents were partial to the name. 

BT: *rubbing her side* since she sucks the joy out of things, her da thought they’d at least put some joy in her name . . . hmmmm, Nehn?

NS: My, my, my! Someone’s picked up some knowledge!

BT: See! Even outside of your fancy-pants circle we sometimes learn things! 

NS: *actually smiling* well . . .you were always a quick study. 

4. Are you single or taken?

BT: *with an innocent expression* Taken? Taken where?

NS: *snorts* Don’t be falsely obtuse. It doesn’t suit you; they would like to know about you and your chantry sister.

BT: You’re the one who introduced us! Besides, wouldn’t you rather speak of your pretty, witty crow?

NS: *smiles coyly* Are you asking for details?

BT: Admit it: you have a soft spot for us sneaky types!

NS: ...Perhaps. 

5. Do you have any abilities or powers?

NS: *cocks head* one could say so. . . . 

BT: HAH! And false Modesty doesn’t suit you! Prodigy of Kinloch Hold! Mage of the Circle! Hero of Ferelden! Commander of the Grey! Arlessa of Amarathi-

NS: That last one has nothing to do with abilities or power-

BT: Now you’re bein’ dull, sparky-fingers, political power totally-

NS: AND FURTHERMORE, considering the average Circle mage I very much doubt that’s much of a title to take pride i-

BT: Aaaaand now we see why false modesty doesn’t suit you, besides all that magic stuff seems plenty powerful to us normal folk. 

NS: “Us normal folk” from the Shadow of Denerim? Spymaster of Amarathine? The Dancing Blade? Slayer of evil shem lordlings who were never taught to keep their hands to themselves? 

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

BT: Mary what now? 

NS: . . . ? These questions are going from slightly annoying and inconvenient to downright inane. 

7. What is your eye color?

NS: . . . . absolutely INANE. 

BT: *flutters eyelashes* will you write me sonnets to my . . .what is the phrase? Cerulean orbs? 

8. How about your hair color?

NS: *sighs* My eyes are hazel. My hair is auburn. 

BT: She’s a ginger alright!

NS: AUBURN. 

BT: *winks* I’m a brunette. 

9. Have you any family members?

NS: . . . . inane and personal I see. 

BT: *gently placing a hand on Nehnara’s shoulder* It’s not uncommon to lose relatives to bigotry and harsh conditions . . . I’m lucky enough to still have my da and cousins . . . but we’ve all lost someone. 

NS: *glaring* Those who were mine just also happen to all be dead. That enough for you? Move on. 

10. I see… what about pets?

BT: C’mere girl!

NS: *whistles* Phaelan! 

*Two mabari war-hounds and several puppies come bounding towards the interviewer. . .I’d brace myself if I were you.*

NS: My hound imprinted on me during the Blight. Named Phaelan . . .aft. . .after my father. 

BT: *pulling Nehnara into cuddles with the mabari* And this is Blossom; Nara introduced me to her! As well as their pups: Linmi, Tulip, and Duncan!  

11. Tell me about something you don’t like.

NS: *deadpans* Inane questions. And those who ask them.

BT: *her smile suddenly turning sharp* Entitled little pricks. That sort usually finds they have very little good coming to ‘em. *smile returning to normal* Nara also dislikes onions and hot weather! 

NS: I do better with heat than I use to . . . I seem to recall that you dislike tomato juice. Not tomatoes, just the juice.

BT: ‘Cuz it’s gross! 

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

BT: I really enjoy music! Leliana has been teaching me how to play the lute! Oh! And since I’ve left Denerim I’ve taken to collecting and pressing flowers! 

NS: Actually, luckily enough, I do in fact enjoy the study of magic-

BT: And of history, and languages, and science, and politics, an-

NS: Yes, thank you for that insightful clarification. I’ve also been working with Bea on picking up by old slight of hand and lockpicking skills . . . 

BT: And then laughing as your lover fails to pick locks you could open with ease!

13. Ever hurt someone before?

*both start laughing*

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

BT: *still giggling* w. . wait. . . are you seriously asking that?

NS: *smirking and shaking her head* I’m the Warden Commander of Ferelden, and she’s my spymaster in Amarathine. . . what do you think? 

15. What kind of animal are you?

BT: *laughter cuts off abruptly* . . . beggin’ yer pardon; wot? 

NS: *snorts* The dangerous kind.

16. Name one of your worst habits.

BT: She has a tendency to be rude and grouchy. Also, she’s a slob. And she forget’s to eat or sleep! Swear I’m more of a caretaker than a spymaster! 

NS: She’s an obnoxious busybody. Probably why she makes such a good spymaster AND caretaker. Guess I’ll keep her around. 

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

BT: *points at Nehnara*

NS: *smacks her hand away* Stop that! . . . I suppose we’ve both done relatively well for ourselves besides everything this Maker forsaken world has thrown at us. 

BT: Honestly - and I think we’d both say this - we’ve been lucky enough to have been raised by pretty fantastic people. They had their flaws, but, without them we wouldn’t be who we are today. All respect to Cyrion, Adaia, Misyl, and Phaelan! 

NS: . . . well said. 

18. Sexual orientation?

BT: *winks* All are welcome! . . . well were welcome - rather not piss off Leli! 

NS: Why are you so interested in absolutely ridiculous trivia? I’m more interested in the person’s character than what’s between their legs. 

BT: Yeah, but you seem pretty attached to what’s between Zevran’s-

NS: Indeed. 

19. Do you go to school?

NS: . . . I was educated in Kinloch Hold, if that’s what you mean. Though I gained more knowledge from personal study in the libraries than from my teachers. . . . though to be fair there were several competent instructors.

BT: My mum taught me before she was killed. 

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids someday?

BT: ooooh! Maybe Leli and I can take in some of the orphans in Amaranthine! Get a big ol’ house, piss-off the shem neighbors-

NS: Your lover is in fact Human as well.

BT: -get a few more dogs and nugs-

NS: The dogs will eat Leliana’s nugs. 

BT: - train them up a bit -

NS: Are you speaking of the dogs, the nugs, or the children?

BT: Be one, big, cozy family! Well loved and protected! 

NS: *snorts* It sounds rather noisy and messy. Terrifying. 

21. What are you most afraid of?

NS: The child, dog, and nug infested house that Bea is apparently planning on inhabiting. 

BT: You faced demons and darkspawn and all manner of nastiness, and you’re telling me your afraid of a lil’ noise and mess? 

NS: From children or animals that you raise? Yes. 

22. What do you usually wear?

BT: Well, I do like a lil’ bit of pretty or shiny here and there, but overall I dress for practicality. Mistress Fancy-mage over here is the one who has a penchant for dressin’ up! 

NS: I do like fine things. I admit it. 

23. Do you love someone?

NS: . . . Did we not already cover this question? I suppose it is possible to be in a relationship without love, but I do in fact care quite deeply for Zevran. It may have taken awhile to sort things between us, but there you are. 

BT: I think you’re gettin’ better at this speakin’ on emotions thing.

NS: Shut it.

BT: I love my Leli very much! *side-hugs Nehnara* and I love this grump like the sister I never had! 

NS: *blushes* ugh. Yes, yes, I care for you too.

BT: Me, her, and Shianni use to create all sorts of mischief! Drove Soris right up the wall!

24. What class are you?

NS: . . . class? As in . . . what sort of mage I am? I’ll admit I’ve dabbled in different fields quite a bit, but I’m particularly skilled at Spirit and Entropy. I’ve also studied the ancient skills of an Arcane Warrior. 

BT: And she can turn into a spider! 

NS: *sighs* Yes. I also picked up some shape-shifting my Morrigan. 

BT: I never did get to really meet that bird. . . heh, bird. Leli’s been trying to teach me some bard skills!

25. How many friends do you have?

BT: Surprisingly lots! Nara tries to be anti-social, but somehow she just attracts them like flies! Guess what they say about vinegar and honey just ain’t true. 

NS: . . . I think you’re definition of “friend” may be off. Someone who you are acquainted with who hasn’t yet tried to kill you is not automatically a “friend”. 

BT: Of course not! You’ve got a very close friend who HAS tried to kill you after all! 

NS: Ugh. Besides we have plenty more enemies.

BT: Keeps things interesting!

26. Thoughts on pie?

BT: Berry filled pies are a bit of a weakness of mine! But Nara here-

NS: Please don’t start.

BT: Nara can put some pies AWAY. Sweet pies, savory pies, pies she just filched from the cart down the street! I grant you I don’t think she’s had to steal pies recently. . . 

NS: No. I haven’t. 

BT: It’s funny, for someone who can forget to eat AT mealtime, you sure do love your food! 

NS: As with clothing and finery - I do enjoy the finer things when it comes to food and drink . . . I’m just not great at time management. 

27. Favorite drink?

NS: Honey wine.

BT: Any wine! 

28. What’s your favorite place?

NS: Not Kinloch Hold. 

BT: pffffft!

NS: . . . I haven’t felt particularly attached to any location in a long time. There are some places I’d like to visit though. 

BT: Gettin’ your parent’s wanderlust are ya? 

29. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

NS: Lake. 

BT: Ha! Either! 

30. Are you interested in anyone?

NS: How many variations on this will you be asking? 

BT: This one does seem to becoming repetitive? Unless you mean like person of interest? Like under suspicion? There’s a list somewhere . .  . 

31. What’s your bra size?

BT: My what size? 

NS: Bra? . . . . Please ask sensical questions or let’s end this. 

32. Well, what’s your type?

NS: Oh for the love of . . . ! 

BT: Bwhahahahaha! 

33. And what attracts you?

BT: *still laughing* You are really curious, aren’t you? 

NS: *sighs* . . . Fine. Cleverness. Thoughtfulness. Adaptability. Flexibility. 

BT: *smirks* Flexiblity you say?

NS: Shut. It. 

BT: Hahaha! Someone I can have fun with is attractive to me. Someone who is caring as well. 

34. Any fetishes?

NS:Why do I even bother? How is this any of your business? 

BT: Ooooh! Well, Leli and I were just discussing this thing they apparently do in Orlai-

NS: Please don’t. 

BT: And I had a friend who worked at the Pearl who taught me how t-

NS: This is really more than I want to know. Does Cyrion know you were being taught skills from the Pearl? 

BT: Don’t see how that’s Da’s business! 

NS: *rolls eyes* Yes. I have fetishes. I have a very satisfactory sex life. I don’t see how it’s pertinent to this interview however. 

BT: You don’t want to tell us more about Zev’s flexibility?

NS: No. I don’t. 

BT: Hah! As for me, I’ll try almost anything once! Have a hard-limit on physical bondage though . . . 

35. Top or bottom? Dominant or submissive?

BT: *winks* I’m a switch. 

NS: I am not by nature a particularly submissive individual. That holds true in all aspects of my life. 

36. Camping indoor or outdoors?

NS: I believe that I’ve done enough outdoors camping to last a life time. Unfortunately I doubt it will end anytime soon.

BT: Both can be lots of fun in the right company! 

37. Are you wanting the quiz to end?

NS: Quite. If you will excuse us we’re both quite busy individuals. 

BT: *with a final wink and smirk* Catch you later! Don’t do anything that’ll have to knife you for! 

I’m not sure who has done this already, but I’ll tag @thema-sal-shiral, @wardsarefunctioning, @extravagantlies, @fadedforyou, @thranduilsausage, @elfsplaining, @circadian-rhythm, and @love-in-nature. If you’re already done this or don’t have the time feel free to skip! :) 

[lunedin]

I’ve been tagged by several people to do this tag..so I have to answer many, many questions :’)...anyway let’s do this

RULES:

Answer the new questions given by the previous person

Write 11 new questions  I’m uncreative af

Tag 11 people I don’t know how many people already done that tag...aaand I’m too lazy to tag too :’) sorry..

@queenofkadaara‘s questions (thank you very much for tagging, dear <3):

i. what music genre do you usually listen to?

I usually listen to slavic folk songs...I’m weird ok :’D

ii. what words would you use to describe your aesthetics?

Idk...weird? Shitty? Dumb? I’m not ver good at this :’D

iii. favorite tea flavor?

Uhhhmmmm..probably some kind of berries, I really like blueberry flavour :D

iv. favorite time period? why?

WINTER!!!! The only season I’m not feeling hot :’)

v. favorite motto / quote?

Waść machasz jak cepem!!! idk ok XD

vi. language you wished you speaked?

POLISH!!!!!!!! I want to speak it so badly..

vii. name of your first plushie / stuffed animal? do you still have it? and while we are at it, do you still have plushies?

I don’t really gave my first plushie a name since I got it when I was born :’) but yeah I still got it :) I only own one plushie and it’s made by my friend, it’s a green/white whale and his name is Asse :D

viii. what color do you wear the most?

BLACK! Black is my happy color :’)

ix. favorite ice cream flavor?

Do you know these blue ice creams??? They taste like bubblegum..so yes..

x. most emotional fictional moment? can be from video games, books, movies, etc.

Don’t remind me of Stygga Castle :’)

xi. if you could make one fictional character real, which one would you pick?

*cough cough* MY HUSBAND!!!! EMIEL REGIS ROHELLEC TERZIEFF-GODEFROY :3

@lithialetheia‘s questions (Thank you veeery much Ali! :3):

I. What’s your favorite flower? Why? Does it have some special meaning for you?

Blue..it doesn’t have a special meaning..I just really like it :’D

II. Which song describes you better?

Ugh...*cough* Mad World- Gary Jules

III. Do you like classical music? Who’s your favorite composer?

I don’t listen to classical music :’)...but I would say Beethoven :’)

IV. In which city would you like to live?

Warsaw or Kraków XD

V. What’s your favorite mythical creature? Why?

Mermaids...I’ve always been fascinated by them

VI. What’s your favorite word?

Kurwa x)

VII. Who’s the person you desire to meet currently?

Ugh....my whole squad tbh :’D

VIII. What’s your favorite profession?

Profession?...never heard of it xD I don’t have one ok

IX. Who’s the person you admire the most?

@queenofkadaara <3 and @dandelionandbuttercup :D

X. If you could be a fictional character which movie, book or videogame would you like to be in?

Everything that has to do with The Witcher xD

XI. Can you post a photo of your favorite accessory? It can a ring, necklace, bracelet, piercing, glasses, etc., something you usually like to wear.

My witcher necklace..I don’t have a pic of it but I searched for one on the internet :’)

@vattgherncirilla‘s questions ( thank yoe soo much!! ^^): I. what’s your favorite game and why? The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt..all of my Witcher love started with this game..it’s still my favourite out of all the witcher games!

II. why do you have tumblr?

Idk..I thought it could be fun :’D

III. what do you think about this war between Team Triss and Team Yen people?

It’s unnecessary...everyone prefers another woman for Geralt..You just have to deal with it tho I fight that war with my brother XD

IV. which team are you: Triss or Yen and why?

Yen. I think Geralt and her are just working very well :’) besides..I don’t really like Triss x)

V. which character (from book, game, movie) you appreciate the most?

REGIS!! the end

VI. what’s your favorite meal? describe it!

Pizza..I think ya’ll know what pizza is x) (usually with sheep cheese and corn :’D)

VII. have you met someone on tumblr? If u did, tag him/her here!

What do you mean with this question? Like in real life? No...but I found some friends! @queenofkadaara, @dandelionandbuttercup, @ilonavic, @lithialetheia, @vaporeox, @vattgherncirilla, @ferelden-doglord, @whitenerine, @cirillach, @holy-squirrel-of-death, @akhuna

VIII. which season is your favorite?

WINTER

IX. who’s your spirit animal?

Regis sideburns a bear I guess x) atleast my friend says so

X. how many books have you read? what’s your favorite?

Ugh..many..idk..my favourite one is Baptism of Fire tho :D

XI. what do you think of me? Tell meh tha truth!

I really like you! You are funny and very beautiful! Aaaaand you are polish x) sorry...I’m not ver good at these things..

@holy-squirrel-of-death‘s questions (thank youuuuu Aleks! ;D): 1. Who’s your favourite celebrity and why? I don’t really have a favourite celebrity..Andrzej Sapkowski? Cause he is funny?? x)

2. What’s your favourite song lyrics (either whole song or just a few lines) and why?

ok..it’s Polish sooo it could be bad xD:

Przeraża mnie ta chwila, która jej wolność skradła

It just speaks to me ok.. :’)

3. Which dead fictional character would you bring back to life?

MILLLVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

4. What’s your favourite weather?

Rain and thunder and lightnings..perfect.

5. What do you think happens after death?

Idk..nothing I guess..tho I think we will go to a etter place..wherever it is

6. Which planet do you like most?

Neptun is so pretty :3

7. What have you dreamt about lately?

Just meeting @ilonavic xD

8. What’s your favourite topic to talk about?

WITCHER

9. What do you do when you’re sad?

Nothing xD cry and listen to sad songs xDDD

10. Which taste do you like best: sweet, salty, sour, bitter or spicy?

Spicy >:)

11. Do you have any words, that you use really often? 

Shit, Fuck, Kurwa XD

@ilonavic‘s questions (thaaaank you Vic!! ;3): i. What is your happiest and saddest memory? Idk what my happiest memory is..my saddest is being bullied tho xD ii. What/Who is your most precious possession or person in your life? @queenofkadaara :3333 iii. What character describes you the most? Milva..just Milva xD idk anyone else x) iv. Favourite time period? Why? WINTER! Every other season is just too hot for me xD v. Favourite meal? Pizza vi. What profession will you most likely work as? Psychologist or artist x) vii. Name your favourite song? Zozulja - Percival viii. What is your favourite season/weather? Winter, rain, thunder and lightnings ix. Why did you originally join Tumblr? I just wanted to check it out :D  x. What movie/game/book has made the most impact on you? The whole witcher series...it is just..omg..I LOVE IT WITH EVERY BIT OF MY HEART xi. What do you wish would disappear from the world? War and hate against each other