#//meanwhile I'm stuck in exam hell :')

[caroline-nighthunter]

On these joyful summer days May no sorrow befoul our spirits For the sun shines bright And our cups are filled with wine And with your hand in mine we wander through the golden fields Alas heaven just might be this

[tonah-the-existant]

You know that feeling of "what the fuck am I going to do with my life?" I'm in the middle of Exam Season of the 4th Semester (aka 2 years in), but I'm pretty sure the Bachelor Degree I'm trying to get, isn't even one I want. Like I didn't choose it because I wanted to get it, or needed it for a Job, but because after School Uni was just sort of the next step, and it was sort of assumed I'd go to Uni, so I was like "sure, I guess I'll go with that Bachelor"

But like now I'm pretty sure I only picked a Bachelor in IT because I picked an IT class in school, because at the time I really wanted to make my own Videogame someday, inspired by playing Nintendo games as a Kid, fueled further by learning about Solo / Duo Dev Indie Games like Undertale...

Yet somehow now that Inspiration is not nearly as present anymore. Like sure, I'd still like to make a fun game someday, but I also sorta want to leave that in the future until I have a good idea for a Story to tell, or a nice Gameplay Idea I want to explore. I wouldn't want to make it my Job, that's for sure.

Meanwhile I am in Uni, getting a Bachelor in a field I don't even have an interest in getting a Job in. I don't even have a Clue what sort of a Job I want in general. I feel like the reason I am continuing with this Bachelor, is because I don't know what I want to go towards either for Education, or a Job. Like the closest thing I have is wanting to help people, but not any clue as to what. Simultaneously I feel like I need to continue with the Bachelor because of Expectations of Family, and also I guess Sunk Cost fallacy "I've come this far now, don't want to Waste all that time"

Another thing is that because I'm getting my Tuition paid for basically (European, no American Loan firm or Military stuff, not gonna name the exact reason) I feel like I need to try to get SOMETHING out of Uni, so I feel like I am stuck needing to try to finish a Bachelor I don't think I want, for a Field I don't think I want a Job in, not sure where I'd want to go alternatively.

Somehow, this isn't even where this shitty situation ends, like we are in the middle of Capitalism. Whatever I would end up doing as a Job, would need to pay a decent amount of Money to afford living, and Anxiety is gonna make me not really be able to work with people, unless I can somehow overcome that. I probably wouldn't even want to go into Customer Service in general, so like I kinda just don't know where to go, or what to do about my situation. Hell, even if I do figure out where I want to go, it's gonna take a lot to overcome Anxiety and act on it.

So this is basically my Brain State right now. Going through Exam Season, trying to figure out What I want to do with my Life, because I don't have a fucking clue.

[clutterspunk]

academics? what academics? hhhhhhh (dw, the academics are exams and i'm done with them)

so here's my concept of troll!Ben named Benten Nysson (he [in reality, i] can't come up with a different name. it seems like he's stuck with a two word name with six letters in each, hmm). this is the Omnitrix's sample of an Alternian, or a troll. Ben being a limeblood is HEAVILY based on my headcannons about trolls, so if you want to read more about troll!Ben and my limeblood headcannons then under the cut (hella wordy, probably went off tangent for a bit, might make ALMOST ZERO sense to someone unfamiliar with Homestuck)

so like, headcannon ramble time. why Ben is a limeblood. if you wanna read about Ben reacting to his troll transformation but not about lime headcannon hell, go look for the big >HERE

the Condesce, a fuchsiablood, is an evil megalomaniac all-powerful Empress. She wants no one to contest her throne, which is why she made it so that all adults must leave Alternia before they hit adulthood. she's trying to prevent another uprising like the Summoner and Mindfang did.

another thing the she did was kill every single limeblood until they are made extinct. in my headcannon, limebloods are the only other bloodcaste more powerful than fuchsia. since the Omnitrix turns the user into the prime version of the species in terms of strength, Ben's a limeblood. it's a midblood caste, but it's more powerful than the Condesce

the reason why limebloods are stronger than fuchsia is that limes (in land dwellers) are in the middle of the hemospectrum. the higher on the spectrum, the more physically powerful. the lower on the spectrum, the more psychically powerful. being right in the middle gives limes a balance of psychic and physical strength

another reason why limebloods are more powerful than fuchsiabloods is because limes are the only ones that can pacify the incredible rage and bloodlust all highbloods have, including fuchsias, essentially making them weaker

i see land dwellers and sea dwellers as two different species of troll (imagine the Perk and Murk Gourmands). within land dwellers, their prime example is a limeblood. within sea dwellers, their prime example is a fuchsiablood. it just so happens that limes are stronger than fuchsias (and it just so happens that Ben hasn't unlocked the fuchsiablood transformation yet actually no i just realized that there are technically two species of trolls while i'm typing this out lol)

before i was thinking that each troll bloodcaste was an independent species, but then i thought maybe its like a "breed" or something (i don't know the correct word). y'know, how like a Chihuahua and a St. Bernard are both dogs but they're not two different species despite looking absolutely different from one another. trolls are like that, only the color of a troll's blood determines their strength and power. meanwhile a land dweller and a sea dweller are like dogs and wolves, two different species that look similar to one another

logically, yes the Omnitrix can accept troll DNA (being a sentient species and all that) but the Omnitrix can't even scan a troll since they come from a different (and destroyed) universe

other than the above word dump, Ben is a lime because G R E E N, and i have different headcannons for olive- and jadebloods (the other green bloodcastes). that and i wanna throw my lime headcannons somewhere

>HERE

okay, so this is Ben reacting to being a troll and stuff

the first time he saw the icon (since it looks a lot like him), he thought it was just normal him but with horns

his troll transformation looks like regular him but bulkier, with gray skin, yellow sclera (the whites in your eyes) and red-orange horns. he's also a little taller

Ben thought the horns would be like weapons, like with deer antlers. he kept ramming his head into enemies until he realized hitting his horns made him dizzy (sorry bros. i'm not horny [pun] enough to headcannon troll horns to be stimulation points. to me, they're just made of whatever troll nails are made of, and probably help trolls keep balance, like a human's inner ear)

as a troll, his powers are just enhanced durability, strength, enhanced agility, and laser eyes (psionics*) (Ben doesn't know this but he can pacify his enemies too just by touch)

*we don't know much about limebloods, this is yet another headcannon of mine

yeah, Ben's a limeblood. yeah, Ben's blood is colored lime. no, he has no idea his blood is lime because have you seen the show? people get hurt a lot but (somehow??) not enough for them to break skin (again, somehow??)

when Ben first got turned into a troll, he gets a pale crush on Rook. Ben has no idea what's going on, he just thinks he wants to be friendlier with Rook (this is me inserting my pale Benrook agenda)

Ben's name for his troll form is Benten Nysson (going with the 6/6 naming style all juvenile trolls have), but once he hits 21 (what i headcannon as the year trolls are sent off-planet and turned into official adults) he renames himself the Galactic Champion, or just the Champion (which goes withe the 8 naming scheme. that's not just Ben's ego speaking. adult trolls gain their titles because of their job or role in society. Neophyte Redglare is a newbie legislacerstor with red eyes, the Disciple was the Signless' most devoted follower, the Signless had no sign until he was renamed the Sufferer, where he suffered for all trollkind and the Condesce [or Her Imperious Condescension] is hella imperial and hella condescending. Ben is the galaxy's hero. i think it'd fit that he'd be called their champion)

alright that's enough headcannons. i'm sorry for the crapton of words and the fact that it's hella unorganized. i just really want troll!Ben and i can't find it

[ilovebeingcalledawhore]

JULIET | DONGHYUCK

Content: Fluff, Theatre actor au, Suggestive Content

Summary: You’ve been catching feelings for the main lead of the school’s play “Romeo and Juliet” and you sure wished you were Juliet but you didn’t know that it was actually happening!

Note: I do NOT own the story(Romeo & Juliet) but I own this drabble’s plot and the bits taken from the script are from here.

Warning: I use British spelling.

ONE-SHOT

"Lucky her" I pouted, sulking into Lia’s arms, my head resting on her shoulders while I fake sobbed. I stared at the bulletin board with the names of the students who passed the audition for the school's upcoming production, the classic Shakespeare story, Romeo and Juliet.

"She probably paid her way into the role, it would've totally been you" Lia replied and I raised my head to see the scowl on her face. "You're so nice to me" I uttered, plopping my head back onto her shoulder and she sighed. "All I'm saying is, the school is dumb for not seeing your talent"

The pout on my face turned more evident and my hate for the standard-less staff worsened. I knew I deserved that role, I wanted to be the lead for once and Mina just had to ruin it for me, but it wasn't just about the play, there was something more to it, more like, someone. 

Lee Donghyuck, basically the most looked up to in the theatre organisation of our school. He's highly skilled and can turn from an assassin into a whiny girl. I for one, have been extremely impressed by him, except for the time he ran around in his red polka-dotted dress. Somebody remove that image off my mind.

Anyways, coming back to the topic. My goal this year was to star in the production with him, both leading the play and maybe even sharing a kiss at the end but dreams are only dreams. I fake sobbed harder causing Lia to slap me hard on the back.

"Stop being a big baby and get over it" she said, walking away abruptly leaving my head hanging on nothing. The sudden emptiness made me fall down face flat, well...almost. "Ah!" I screamed, expecting the painful hit but instead, two hands pushed my shoulders tightly, reeling me back to stand.

My eyes were still shut and my hands were tightly gripping onto nothing as they rested on my sides. "You can open your eyes now" somebody chuckled but no, this wasn't just somebody. I knew this voice, considering the fact that I loved listening to it.

I opened my lids and there he was in front of me, in his black joggers and oversized hoodie. He looked breath taking, well...not really, I noticed the melted chocolate on the sides of his face. Still hellishly adorable though.

"Congrats on getting the role by the way" I greeted with hesitation, my mind replaying the incident just seconds earlier. He rubbed the nape of his neck with a grin as his eyes landed on his name right at the top of the list, with the words 'Lead:' beside it.

"Thanks" he muttered, giving me a soft glance. I wanted to say something else but I felt the piercing gaze of Lia behind my back, I wouldn't keep her waiting. "Alright, see you around" I said, walking away, linking my arms on Lia's while I puffed my cheeks in excitement.

Holy shit!

You think exams are hard?

Trying my best not to scream in joy was one hell of a challenge. He talked to me! He talked to me! Those words ran around my head like a marathon "Okay lover girl, you need to calm down" Lia chuckled at my red face, calling me out, noticing that we were finally far away from Donghyuck.

"He's so cute" I uttered, an upset pout appearing on my face. It's truly unfair, that's what it is. 

We were quietly walking around the campus, discussing the physics test when we saw Mr. Kim, the English teacher and the nurse running in the hall. The teacher spotted us and called out our names. "Y/n, Lia!" He beckoned and we ran. The worried look on the nurses' face was a sign that it was serious because all throughout the years I've studied here, she’s never frowned.

We abruptly ran into the clinic and the first thing we saw was a girl laid down on the bed, her legs in some type of supporter. She was crying loudly, the cracks in her voice showing how much pain she was in.

That's when I realised who it was, Kang Mina. "Help us carry her," Mr. Kim said and there was a brief moment when me and Lia exchanged looks with each other but we complied. It wasn't that hard to carry her, considering the fact that there were four of us and the emergency medical technicians aka the people from the ambulance met us half way and carried Mina for us.

Minutes later, the teacher and nurse left, leaving me and Mina standing there dumbfounded."If she's gone.....who's going to be Juliet?" I muttered and Lia shrugged. Like it was perfectly timed, my phone dinged and I pulled it out my pocket to see a notification.

It was from Mrs. Choi, the production's administrator. 

Good Afternoon Ms. Y/L/N, 

You and two other girls have been chosen to get a call back for the lead role of Juliet in the upcoming production, "Romeo and Juliet", because of some circumstances, changes have had to be made. The auditions would be tomorrow at lunch time in the hall.

Kind Regards,

Mr. Choi

"Oh my goodness!" I screamed and Lia looked at me like I was crazy. "I might be Juliet!" I whisper-squealed and I saw her face light up. "Hell yeah!" We jumped up and down in the middle of the hallway, ignoring the looks of some students passing by.

_____

"By whose direction foundst thou out this place?" I spoke worriedly like the distraught female from the story. "By love, who first did prompt me to inquire; He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far, as that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise." He replied.

Yes…’he’ replied! The audition required us to act with Donghyuck to see which of us had the best chemistry with him. "Thank you" Mr. Choi cut us off and we were about to leave the stage when some judges stopped us. "No, stay" they signalled, causing us to go back to the centre.

"We've chosen our new Juliet," Ms. Wang, the art's department's head, proclaimed. The current cast and the two other girls sat there excitedly meanwhile, I stood there my mind blanking because Donghyuck was standing a little too close to me. Enough for me to take in his scent and how warm his sweater was.

"Let's all congratulate Y/n!" and the small crowd in the hall clapped but that didn't matter. What stuck most to me was how excited Donghyuck screamed and took me in his arms like I belonged there.

I am euphoric.

_________

I am frustrated

 I read the lines again and again, memorising every single world, every single coma and period. I wasn’t going to embarrass myself in front of him, I wanted to impress him with my skills. I was going to be the perfect Juliet and he’s going to be Romeo. 

He is my Romeo.

“Don’t stress too much” He stood beside me, nudging my side with his covered elbow. The play was starting in twenty minutes and the seats of the auditorium filled up quickly.  I wore a white gown, a vintage yet fairy tale like gown, with golden linings which added some type of elegant effect to it. Meanwhile, Donghyuck wore a prince-like suit but not too showy. It was navy blue and it had less details than mine did, perfectly portraying Romeo’s character.

He looked dashing and I looked like a disaster. No I didn’t, but if you took a little peek in my mind right now, you’d fly off from the intensity. 

I must do well.

___

“Don’t saints and pilgrims have lips too?” he asked, intertwining our fingers. “Yes, pilgrim, they have lips that they’re supposed to pray with” I replied. “Well then, saint, let lips do what hands do. I'm praying for you to kiss me. Please grant my prayer so my faith doesn’t turn to despair” he winked at me quickly and I had to stop myself from grinning.

“Saints don’t move, even when they grant prayers” I raised my brow. “Then don’t move while I act out my prayer”  Donghyuck slowly walked closer to me and little yelps and sounds of excitement left the audience's mouths. 

He kissed me. His soft lips locked into mine a little harder and deeper than I expected. The director never told us to do it whilst practising to keep the feeling authentic. 

“Now my sin has been taken from my lips to yours” he said as he pulled away but not far.

“Then do my lips now have the sin they took from yours?” I asked, a small smile creeping up my lips as the warm flame and electricity ran down my body.

“Sin from my lips? You encourage crime with your sweetness. Give me my sin back” he said as he pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. The audience cooed once more in excitement as he leaned forward, a grin on his pink lips.

We kissed again, a little longer, a little slower, a little more in love.

He walked into my heart like he belonged there, took down my walls and lit my soul on fire.

-T.M.