#;; ive been so worried about my future these past few days

[hella1975]

just think this time tomorrow ill be publicly indecent in a spoons somewhere. i am so strong

[reddfishket]

im gonna have SAT on Saturday wish me luck 🤞

[koolades-world]

Hello there! hope your day is going good and if not I hope it gets better.

I was wondering if I could request a scenario (you can do headcanon format) Where Mc is in a life or death because a lower demon is about to kill them and Mc actually kills the lower demon with their own magic. how would the undatables react/comfort Mc after they killed someone because their life was in danger.

Thank you in advance if you do decide to write and make sure to stay hydrated!

hi there! i can do that :)

hope you're having a great day too <3 just drank water with a liquid iv in it so hopefully im super hydrated now haha. i've had a bit of a sore throat for the past few days now so i've been really chugging water better than i usually have which says a lot! love me my 30 oz water bottle that goes everywhere with me

enjoy!

Undatables react to Mc killing a lower demon while defending themself

Diavolo

he's very proud of you but quickly goes on high alert

you've never seen him more serious

he's doing all sorts of things such as upping security measures and looking into the background of the now deceased demon to ensure your safety and to make sure there wasn't anything more behind the attack

he makes sure to give you a huge hug and lets you know exactly how he feels <3

Barbatos

if you hadn't killed them, he would've finished the job for you

since there's no work there for him to do, he'll be taking a visit to see that demon's relatives in the near future

in the meantime, he'll help you unwind and try to take your mind off it

perhaps a tea party with all your favorite treats and little d's there, if you'd like :)

Simeon

he won't ask questions and he'll heal you no matter what

even if you didn't get very hurt, he insists you stay under his care for a little bit

you'll get the best bedside care and soup ever

let him dote on you, it'll make him feel better too knowing you're safe in his arms <3

Luke

he's immediately freaking out

what do you mean a lower demon tried to kill you!!!

100% in tears and refuses to let you out of death grip hug he has on you

the next day, he gifts you an amulet with an angelic blessing on it and asks you to carry it everywhere with you. doesn't care if that means the brothers can't get anywhere near you now. better for him that way anyways haha

Solomon

he's very impressed!

gah they grow up so fast. it felt like just yesterday he gave you the nickname of his apprentice

deep underneath his gushing, he's worried but he knows that you're capable

even goes as far as to give a few little tips for the future. love at it's finest haha

Mephisto

he's furious with himself that he even let you get in that situation

he almost feels as if he's failed you, but he tries to hold up a facade of nonchalantness

it won't take much coaxing to break down this barrier and see how upset he actually is

if you notice him being extra loving in the next week or so, try not to comment on it but accept his affections

Thirteen

she's with you as much as she can be, but she knows it's just impossible to be by your side all the time

she's angry at herself and the now dead lower demon because that window of time when she's away is never very large

but, she knows you are more than strong enough to take care of yourself if it wasn't already apparent before

she'll make excuse after excuse to be with you until she eventually just spills the beans. she really cares about you <33

Raphael

he's gonna check you at least three times over to make sure you're alright

but right after he almost scolds you, in a loving way

he tells you he should've been the one to do it and that he should've been by your side

he was just very nervous he could've lost you, but is so proud of how you stood up for yourself <3

[futterurl]

Hello! I absolutely love the future man writings you’ve done and wanted to request smut for josh futturman. I can just imagine for his first time getting intimate with a partner he just gets so overly eager that he ends up overstimulating himself and his partner hehe

sry ive been gone for a bit schools been kicking my ass ! anyways yeah i got a little carried away sry if this isnt what u rlly had in mind

WARNINGS: fem!reader, titplay, oral(f!receiving), virgin!josh, p in v, creampie, super soft

- - - - - - - - -

it had been a nice day, going out and spending the day with your boyfriend, josh. you two were sat in your apartment, watching a movie, him holding you in his arms while a bowl of popcorn sat in your lap. his hand held onto your forearm, rubbing back and forth lightly with his thumb.

you loved days like this. you loved your boyfriend. he was the sweetest guy you had ever met, and boy were you glad he was yours. he would constantly try to spend time with you, and would try to teach you about the video games that he played. you always looked up to him.

and to him? lord, you were a goddess. you were this kickass woman who was one of his well respected co-workers, you had such a beautiful personality, and you were drop dead gorgeous to him. he fell in love with you all over again whenever he looked at you.

you both tool each other in with your worries and guilts. he knew that you were more shy, and he did a majority of the talking in public, and wouldn’t try to pressure you with anything. he was so kind to you, you wouldn’t trade him for the world.

while you guys were snuggled up, you started to talk over the movie, not paying it much attention. just talking about funny stories that happened in the past.

“…and she caught me. jacking off. in my room. it was the worst thing ever.” josh was telling the unfortunate story of his poor mother just trying to bring him something, but seeing that mess instead. you couldn’t help but laugh.

“god, if that kinda stuff happened to me, i swear, i’d never look anyone in the eyes again.” you laughed.

“this is a random question, and sorry if it’s intrusive, but…have you ever had…like, sex before?” he asked you, sitting up on the couch so he could look you in your eyes.

you shifted, not used to being asked this question. “i…i have. once. it was a mistake. i don’t know why i did it.”

he started to look a little worried. “did he make you do that?” hoping it wasn’t that.

“oh, no! no! don’t worry, i was fine with it.” you reassured him. “i just…regret it, was all. it wasn’t all that good, just a heat of the moment thing, wanting to do it. we fucked, he came, and that was that. nothing special.”

“did he uh…did he make you…y’know…” he tried to ask in the most not awkward way possible, which was still very awkward.

“make me cum? uh, no. it wasn’t…wasn’t really a priority, i guess. just the experience.” you started to fidget with your hands.

“that’s…yeesh, that’s kinda fucked.” he was a little irritated. was it that difficult to focus on a girl for a few minutes to make her feel good? he didn’t understand it. “i’m sorry it wasn’t good. i just don’t get how he could finish and not care that you didn’t.”

“it’s fine. i don’t really care that much.” you were still a tad bit upset over it, but he was out of your life now. you didn’t have to worry shout him, only being in your happiest relationship yet with josh.

“what about you?” you asked him, curious.

“me? oh, uh, this is kinda sad, but i…haven’t done that kinda stuff.” he started. “it just never kinda…happened. moment was never really right. but now i’m here, with you. i couldn’t be happier.” he hugged you, kissing your jaw.

you rubbed the back of his head. you loved this man more than words could describe.

“i don’t know how to ask this in a way that isn’t awkward, but i’m just gonna go ahead…would you mind if i…if i, uh, made you…you cum?” he asked, looking at you.

you looked at him. “a-are you sure? you don’t have to if you feel bad or anything like that, it’s not your obligation to-”

he cut you off, holding your hands in his. “i…i want to do this. it’s not out of sadness or anger for you…”

you gave him an inquisitive stare.

“okay, maybe it is a little bit.” he admitted. “but i really do wanna do this. i’ve wanted to do this with you…for a little bit now, but i didn’t know how to ask, or bring it up. you feeling good makes me happy.”

it was like he was trying to make you fall in love again and again.

“josh, that’s really sweet…i…i do think i may be ready to try this stuff out with you.” you started to get a little shy.

“okay…okay…great.” he tried to hype himself up, telling himself that it’s real and this was happening. “just, uh, tell me if you’re uncomfortable or anything like that, and we can stop, go back to watching the movie, no questions asked, okay?”

you smiled, knowing he was your safe place. “thank you so much.” you gave him a kiss on his lips. he went and deepened the kiss, holding your frame in his arms.

you made out, him slowly getting on top of you, laying you in the couch. his hands went from holding your body to feeling around: touching your hips, your waist, your breasts, everything. he gently caressed one of your breasts, to which you let a moan out at.

“did you like that?” he asked.

you nodded, pulling your shirt up. “please.” you yanked it off your body. he stared at you with awe, your breasts clad with a bra. you looked so beautiful to him.

“can i…can i take this off?” he asked, fingers playing with your bra. you nodded, reaching back and unclasping it.

“how the hell do you unclasp that so easily?” he discarded your bra, asking while staring at your bare breasts.

“lots of practice, i guess. you get used to it after wearing these since the ripe age of 13.” you giggled.

his hand moved towards your breasts, but hesitated. he didn’t want to squeeze them too tight, or hurt you.

“you can touch then, josh. it’s okay. please. i want you to.” you reassured him, guiding his hand to gently caress your left tit. he played with it, new to the sense of it.

“it’s so soft…” his thumb ran over your nipple, causing you to shudder. he could tell you liked that.

“do you think i could…suck on them?” he asked, testing the waters. you nodded your head slowly.

“yes, please. whatever you like.”

“this is about you, though, not me. i want this to feel good for you.” he looked at you with concern in his eyes. sure, he was getting very caught up in the moment, but he knew he ultimately wanted you to have a good takeaway from this: you were someone he loved so much, he wanted to watch and make you feel good.

“josh, i want you to do this, don’t worry.” you smiled at him. he was so careful with you, it made you feel so delicate. so special.

he leaned his head down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. his lips wrapped around it while his tongue ran over it.

you ran your fingers through his hair. you had thought he’d be a boob guy, and this for sure proved it. he loved feeling them, the texture so foreign to him.

he moved on to the other breast, suckling onto your other nipple, to which you let out a gasp at. it felt…good.

he played with your other breast in his hand, giving it gentle squeezes. you let out a hushed moan. you didn’t think it’d feel good.

his head lifted up, kissing you again. it was a deep kiss, his hand digging to play with the hem of your pants.

“please, wanna make you feel good down there.” he pleaded, looking at you for permission.

you had never been like this before. someone focusing on you felt…unbelievable. it really did.

you nodded, unzipping your pants. “please, josh, want this so bad. want you so bad.”

he lifted your hips up, helping you shimmy out of your pants and panties. you were there, completely bare in front of him. he took his shirt off, trying to make you feel more comfortable. he stared at you with awe.

he couldn’t believe you were with him. you were so beautiful, and had an even better personality. he couldn’t believe that you loved him, and that you were willing to do this with him. he felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

“is this okay?” he asked, lowering himself, his head in between your legs. he rubbed your thighs, trying to help you stay comfortable. he could see your slick. he wanted to get a taste so badly.

“yes, please josh. please.” you wailed.

he obliged, taking a long lick up your slit.

“oh, fuck…” you moaned. loud. you hadn’t ever felt that good before.

“you okay?” he asked, making sure he didn’t do something wrong.

“i’m great, just felt really fucking good…holy shit.” you looked down at the sight of him, in between your thighs.

he dipped in again, this time bringing his tongue to lay flat on your clit. you shuddered, feeling all sorts of sensations. he held your hips steady, running his tongue in tight circles around your clit.

you swore to god, you could hear him groaning into your cunt. he was letting out little noises in exasperation as he pleasured you, rubbing your clit with his tongue, getting into a rhythm.

“jesus christ, josh, i’ve never felt so good, fuck…” you could barely get the words out in between moans.

he licked another stripe down your slit and ran his tongue on your entrance. you tugged at his hair a big, cautious yet excited to see where this was gonna go.

his tongue slowly crept inside of you, feeling around as you scratched at his scalp, letting little whimpers out. he held tightly onto your thigh as he started to tongue fuck you.

you threw your head back in pure ecstasy. you were starting to get close.

“josh…g’na come soon…fuck…” you panted out.

“please.” he said, moving his mouth up and tasting you all over. “do it f’ me. come on my face. please. you’re so hot. fuck. come all over me.”

he moved his mouth and latched onto your clit again. from there, he just sucked. your orgasm approached.

you let out a cry as your hips started to spasm ever so slightly, your body contorting. josh continued to suckle on your clit while you rode out your orgasm.

“oh my god…” you breathed. “how are you so fucking good at that?”

he lifted his head up, mouth coated in your cum. “don’t know. just pure talent i guess.”

you lightly pushed him. “fuck you.”

“i mean, if you’d be ever so kind.”

you looked at him, starting to laugh, but understanding what he wanted: you.

you moved yourself closer to him, closing the space in between you two.

“please.” you said, planting a kiss on his cheek. “i..i think i’m ready for this. fuck me, josh. please.”

“fuck, i’m so fucking hard for you right now, holy shit.” he kissed you, lying you back down on the couch. he pulled his pants down, huge erection standing up in his underwear.

“do you see how crazy you make me? you’re so perfect.” he looked down as he slowly started to take off his underwear, cock standing out.

you blushed. even in situations like this, he still made you feel so special.

he got on top of you, cock springing out, almost touching your delicate folds. you shuddered.

“a-are you sure you wanna do this, josh?” you asked him. doing something like this for the first time was really important to you, so you hoped you could make it important to him.

“yes, there’s no one i’d rather do this with than you.” he kissed you softly, sliding his cock through your slit, bumping his tip to your clit. you both groaned lightly.

“i…i’m gonna put it in now…okay?” he asked for permission.

you smiled. “yes. please.”

he used one of his hands to steady himself and his other one to hold yours as he slowly pushed inside of you. he was feeling all sorts of new sensations, all good like he’d never felt before. your walls clenched around him. he let out a moan as he slowly inched himself inside you.

you held his hand, gripping it tight. it had been awhile since you’d done this. it was a big stretch, but it felt so damn good to have him inside of you.

he finally bottomed out, cupping your cheek. “you’re so tight…oh my god…i knew it’d feel good but…didn’t expect this…” he was breathing heavily, catching up with his senses. he felt like he was going to cum just from being in you.

“josh, want you t’ start moving.” you pleaded, feeling so full but desperate for friction.

he obliged, giving experimental thrusts and letting out low groans in the process. your tight walls kept sucking him in, as if they didn’t want him to pull out.

“fuck, you feel so good. i love you so much.” he started to thrust a bit faster now, hands on your hips, holding you steady. every time his hips met yours you could feel yourself groan with delight. even though this was his first time, he wanted to take care of you.

he started to thrust hard, moaning sweet nothings into the room. every word he said professed his love for you and your body.

one thrust in particular hit a certain part inside you that made you let out a really high-pitched moan. he stopped, looking at you.

“shit, you okay?” he asked.

“yeah, m’ fine, that just felt really good.” you gave him a smile.

he tried to angle his hips to hit that sensitive spot again, which he was successful with after a few harsh thrusts. he abused that sweet spot with every thrust, leaving you a moaning mess. he took your lips into his, kissing you like your lives depended on it.

“josh, close, shit.” you could barely form words with how good you felt.

“me too, gonna cum, fuck.” he started to move incredibly fast, moving like there was no tomorrow. “please, cum on my cock.”

you could feel the knot on your stomach start to snap, riding out your orgasm. you were letting out these pornographic moans that were driving him insane, leading him to cum right after you did.

but he didn’t stop.

“feel too damn good. can’t stop. shit.” he continued his quick and deep thrusts, leaving you screaming.

“josh, can’t. already came. oh my god.” you were a moaning mess, feeling his cock penetrating your tight walls right after having an earth shattering orgasm.

“please, need you to cum again. wanna make you feel better than you’ve ever felt.” he moaned, trying to hit that spot inside you with every single thrust, making himself feel overstimulated in the process.

you felt another orgasm start to bubble up inside you as he kept going. the knot snapped yet again when he led his hand to your clit, rubbing it in circles with his thumb.

“cum for me, please. cum. wanna make you feel good. please. need you to cum on my cock again. i’ll do anything.” he begged and pleaded, bot stopping his aggression to your cunt.

you were practically screaming, head thrown back and breathing like a madman. he helped you ride through your orgasm, him taking a few extra seconds to reach his own again, as well.

he eventually stopped, laying on you carefully as to not hurt you.

“sorry, got…got a little carried away.” he said in between breaths. he felt so woozy.

“no, it felt really good josh. thank you.” you wrapped your arms around him, holding him as he lay on top of you.

“was it that good?” he asked, making sure you got as much satisfaction as he did.

“i’ve never felt that good in my life. serious.” you replied. he knew how to make you feel special and really good. “you’re amazing.”

he held you, planting a kiss on your cheek. “i hope you know how much you mean to me. i love you so much, and i wanna be with you forever.”

you were practically gushing. he was so darn cute. “i love you more.”

[nucleo-bang-tan]

The Uisa's Daughter | Chapter 1: Her First Love

Pairing/s: Kim Taehyung X Reader (Future Jeon Jungkook X Reader and Slight Min Yoongi X Reader)

Genre: Medieval Korea AU, Mystery, Strangers to Lovers, Angst, Smut

Rating/s: 18+ Mature Themes

Word Count: 7K

Warning/s (Don't read this if you want some suspense): Age gap (6 years, reader is younger), segregation based on caste, physical and emotional abuse, some pedophilia (an older man harasses reader since she was young), love at first sight kinda?, both of them are too horny, unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), loss of virginity, loss of innocence, some manipulation, they both say 'I love you' too soon.

Summary: In the 1700s, the Jeon Dynasty spread all across the Korean peninsula.  Happiness quadrupled with the founder Emperor's presence, or so it seemed. Secrets scattered over the palace in the capital city, Hanseong were known to none except a few.

Chapter Summary: It feels like you have met your match; for life even. But your father can never stand seeing you happy.

A/n: Hey there, don't be a silent reader, do comment under my post and spread some love.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Prologue Teaser Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Father always said, "Great power comes when you attain control over your desires and cravings."

He used to say that to stop your cravings over sweets. His lesser knowledge didn't tell him, you were not of the type to gain such control. You could never gain this....this great power how much ever you wanted to.

Your reasoning was that you were simply curious but in actuality it was the deprevation that halted you. Deprived of sensation, deprived of freedom, deprived of being included, deprived of living, deprived of loving...

No one, in that city full of aristocratic, snob-heads found what some may describe as the utmost form of desire and craving.

Love; love is still hidden from the rich and noble, from the uptight and small-minded

You've always wanted to feel this so-called feeling of love. Was it just a myth made by someone with an oppressed mind like yours? Hopefully not. You didn't know what love was but it certainly wasn't what your father gave you, not what he gave your mother either.

"You must be the uisa's daughter." A slightly aged, wrinkly woman opened the sliding door to the tremulous, raw house you had just knocked upon. "Come on in, girl. My husband has been sick for the past 5 days."

Your father had work with the King so he sent your 19-year-old self on a teeth-chattering cold night to attend to one of his patients. He may not have been a good father but he was one of the greatest doctors to ever walk the streets of Hanseong.

Winds flurried across the empty farmlands in the surrounding making you rush inside the compact yet warm house.

Sacks full of what seemed like potatoes welcomed you by the doorstep followed by sacks of other vegetables. The stove was occupied by a pot of stew. The sick man and his family sold vegetables at the local market.

You realized that your father didn't want to attend to this patient because he was a Kim of the lowest caste, Cheonmin.

Your trail of sight landed upon a person, supposedly Mr. Kim, wrapped up in torn sheets. "Please take a look at him." His poor wife asked.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"He seems to have caught cholera. It's nothing to worry about, he'll be fine in no time." You gave out your diagnose along with a few medicines from your bundle.

Mrs. Kim seemed to be panicking, "Oh dear, it seems I can't find my money." She smiled nervously. "Would it b-"

"Mother, I heard the doctor arrived." The door hastily slid open revealing a disheveled man.

It was him, the man who was going to change your life for good. The man whom you didn't know would be the reason for both of your ruination. He was nothing you'd seen before.

His forehead shiny with sweat, long hair, all messed up, probably because of him rushing over, yet he looked like the most beautiful man you had ever seen. Molded to perfection, his face was something you get framed.

His eyes were full of concern and disturbance. His lips were slightly parted and he stood there silently and your eyes met.

You could feel something between you two, as if you were two magnets attracting each other. You couldn't help but stare at him. He was so handsome that it took your breath away. You had to resist an urge to get up and reach out to him then and there, touch him and feel his skin under your fingertips.

"Taehyung, yes! Where were you?! Dear, did you take my money kept near the cupboard?" Mrs. Kim was infuriated at the man named Taehyung. "Please give the uisa 2 silver coins, I'll have a talk with you later." She scurried to him while you still stared at each other, his eyes boring holes into yours and face being almost excited to see you.

"I see, and what might be your name?" He asked you.

"Y/n." You replied, "As for the money, I don't mind providing free treatment. I basically did nothing-"

"I insist; that's all we can give you." The man standing at the doorstep walked over to where you were sitting on the ground.

"Oh, it's fine." You smiled despite the growing tension between the both of you.

Taehyung, the obscure man in front of me smiled and sat down to bow. "I promise I'll keep your favor in mind and help you." His formal words seemed unnecessary between the two of you.

"Thank you... Taehyung." He could easily say his ears were blessed.

He dropped you home that night. Awkward was the least proper word to describe you two. You couldn't help but talk naturally and freely to him. You both talked about how beautiful the night was before you arrived at your destination and you asked him to leave you a few houses before your own so as to not raise any suspicions from your family.

His moonlighten face looked mesmerizing as he looked down at you and smiled. "It was an honor meeting you, Kim Y/n." He bowed.

"Same here, Kim Taehyung." You took a step closer to him. "I hope to see you again." You wrapped your arms around his neck tightly for a quick second and let go. The urge to touch him had been running through you this entire night. Though you wanted more, this was more than enough for now. Luckily there wasn't a single soul around at this time of the night.

He stood speechless for some seconds, looking straight into your eyes, making you blush. It's not like a woman hadn't hugged him before, it was different with you for some reason.

You looked off into a different direction, "I-I know we have met just an hour ago. But I can't-" You were cut off by him encasing your waist with one of his arms. The other one held you gently by your chin.

"I know, this may be going too fast, but I fairly do not care." Saying this, his lips ghosted over yours, waiting for your permission. Not hesitant at all, you gladly accepted and closed the minute gap between your lips.

It was merely a few seconds before you two pulled away simultaneously.

"Thank you..." You whispered for some reason. It wasn't Taehyung's first time, but it was clearly the weirdest and the most memorable one.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Isn't that lovely? The vermins owe us a favor." He laughed as you trembled.

"Father, t-they were necessitous. I couldn't possibly ask them for mon-"

"And how would I pay for your expensive clothings, dear? For your food? For our servants?" He scoffed.

"Father..."

"No excuses!" He shouted making you flinch "You need a good whipping."

"I'm so sorry, father. It's just two silver coins." Your trembling knew no bound as you tried to back away from his resting place. You used your hands to drag yourself backwards away from your seat as he stood up with a mud tea cup in his hands.

A fairly loud crash was heard besides you and drops of hot liquid splattered across the floor as well as on you. It was his cup that he threw at you with anger.

"Just two silver coins? I see." His words held no anger, they were just words, heavy words. Words scaring you more than the cold, chilly night because you knew he could hurt you anytime.

"Father I promise, I'll do anything. Please, father." You joined your hands.

"Look at you, so desperate... I'll let you off with a warning this time. You're lucky today, no whipping for you." He spoke as if he didn't nearly kill you.

You thanked your stars, or whatever guardian angel you had for he was in a good mood.

"If you dare to disobey my rules again."

"I know..." You whispered loud enough for him to hear. Ofcourse you knew, this was not the first time.

He smiled like a saint and spread out his arms, "Now give your father a hug, honey. I love you."

Slowly and being disgusted in the sorry excuse of what's supposed to be a man, you hugged him. He was still your father. "I love you too."

He slimy hands gradually went to your head to pat you as you tried to stop your tears from falling. "You are to come with me tomorrow to King Jeon." You nodded.

You were usuals to the King's courtroom even when you were a kid. Your father was his closest advisor. However you never felt comfortable when the King wanted to meet you outside of public's eye.

Unnecessary touches, and even more unnecessary things he made you do. He insisted he loved your cooking, your treatments and meeting you in general. You were honoured indeed but felt repelled since it was a 50 year old man you were talking about.

What was this life you were living?

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"And about Y/n..." You were snapped back to reality by the mention of your name. You were deep in your own thoughts, skimming your eyes over each title of the books held by the shelves. The shelves along with their inked treasures adored the quiet room. Quiet with the only exception being the voices of King Jeon and your father.

You thought about the poor farmer's son. Would he like to read, or rather, would he know how to read the Chinese scriptures? You had no idea why he clouded your mind like so, but you certainly weren't against it.

You had never had a love interest, you never found one brave enough to even talk to you. Giving up on love, you had always assumed you'd have an arranged marriage until the man you had kissed a few days ago came into your life.

"What about her?" Your pretentious father asked.

Both of you along with King Jeon were sitting in the castle's study talking about something that you didn't even bother sparing your attention to.

You preferred being in your own thoughts rather than listening to the elders' talks about the world. They surely knew more than you, and it wasn't bothersome.

"I expect a gift from you Y/n-ssi" King Jeon stated clearly.

"A g-gift? I don't understand."

Both of the older men laughed at your naivety and King Jeon placed a hand around your shoulder which distinctly made you uncomfortable.

"You weren't listening, were you?" He asked. "What were you thinking about girl?"

You thought of the only thing that interested you here, "The books here, in the study. I've never even heard about them." Books especially related to medicine interested you. You played the part of a cliché doctor in training.

"Jeon's birthday gift, dear."

"I expect a really special dish from you in a few months." He smirked, "Cook for me."

You had no idea what the smirk signified, but it clearly didn't mean good luck to you. You smiled nervously which the King found extremely endearing, extremely enchanting. Oh, how he wished he could kill your measly father and make you his personal concubine, maybe even his Queen.

The King's first wife died around 4 years ago and ever since then, the King couldn't have been happier. He could sleep with all the women he wanted without being pointed fingers at. The kingdom's people, who thought richly of the King, supposed he was drowning himself in other women to ease the pain of his loss.

What no one, except his Chief advisor, Eunuch Kang, didn't know was his eyes were set on a much bigger and harder-to-catch fish. The metaphoric fish being you. One fine day, before the time of his Queen's death, you along with your father had come to visit him. Seeing how well you had matured through the years, he couldn't keep his eyes or hands off of you. Making you sit on his lap was just an excuse to feel you better.

People in his courtroom saw and objected after you went back home. But those who did, found their heads laying on the floor. They committed treason, hence they died; was what he told their families.

Your father however never dared to speak up. He wanted to be in people's good books more than he cared for you. This helped you more than you could think. He had a good reputation and in return, the King could not kill him without a proper reason.

Ever since that day the King has secretly tried to find reasons to execute him. Eunuch Kang who was in charge of this failed to find any such reason for more than 5 straight years.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Ms Y/n!" Your cook called out to you. You were headed outside the mansion lands to a place only you knew about.

"Yes, Mr. Jung?" You smiled. You knew such formalities were only for others' eyes.

Jung Hoseok, a young yet talented cook, had been with you since you were born. He worked meticulously from his childhood.

Being around a decade older than you, he was given the responsibility to look after you as well as head the staff of Kim household. He was appointed by your father's friend, the King.

"Are you headed out?" He asked and you nodded cheekily.

"I'm going to that placeee."

He showed clear distaste towards your act of cuteness even though he possibly found it adorable. "Find yourself some use. Go and bring some vegetables for the kitchen. You are to cook for the king remember?"

"But I don't want to..." You pouted, "The King should have better cooks than me, I am no one compared to them."

"It's what the King decides, not you. Now go."

"Hoseok-ssi."

"What is it?"

"I don't like the King." His face contorted into a disappointed look. He looked around to make sure no one heard you and was glad no one did.

"Y/n, you are a grown woman, stop jesting around."

"I'm serious, Hoseok-ssi. The King seems far too friendly for my liking."

"Aish- Shut up, Y/n. I will not hear of it. King Jeon is a very kind man and he has saved us from many external and internal forces. I will not hear anything against him." He said, "Neither will anyone else, so make sure you don't tell this to anyone."

You nodded, poking your tongue out, still not changing your thinking about him. He turned around to leave after shaking his head.

"Hobi is mean." You muttered.

"I heard that, kid!"

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"I'm not sure if I have anything special." The vegetable seller smiled nervously. "You can take back some eggplants for the special meal but I'm not sure where you might find them."

This was the first time you heard about them. Being an educated person, it hurt your ego and now you were determined to find them.

"It's alright, sir. I'll search for them." You smiled and headed deeper into the market. The crowd grew denser and the shops became more heavily loaded. Asking every vendor about these 'eggplants'.

"Take a right after about 20 steps, dear." An old female vendor advised. And you followed.

The shop was revealed to be of the Cheonmin Kim's, the one you had treated a few days ago. How will they, out of all people have such an advanced (it's new to her) vegetable?

You gulped, it was the son, Taehyung chewing away at some dried sea weed, and his healthy father talking to another seller nearby. Their shop looked as if it hadn't been visited by anyone all morning, the vegetables still fresh in their places, the man fooling around on his seat.

You slowly walked over, Taehyung still being oblivious to your presence until you cleared your throat. Before seeing who it was and stumbling to stand up straight, he almost looked uninterested. He dropped a few tomatoes by such shuffling.

He held a bright smile on his face and bowed almost hitting his head on the table full of produce. You followed suit giggling at his display of clumsiness.

Still bright as ever and still as handsome as the first day you saw him, he greeted, "H-Hello, how are you holding up, Ms. Kim?" He shook his head and corrected himself, "Sorry, Y/n."

"I am doing just fine, Taehyung-ssi." You turned your head towards his father, "I see your old man is doing good."

He nodded, "All thanks to you. I still have that favor to return."

It was unshrouded, the chemistry between you two was almost visible to the naked eye. Was it just an attraction that you had towards this perfect example of a man or was it something else? You'll admit it, it was the second time you barely met him, and you want more of him, so much more.

You both stared at each other for a good minute before you spoke, "I-uh- wanted some vegetables." You even forgot the name of the exquisite one, the seller had told you about.

"Sure, anything you want." He gestured his hands over the produce lying on the cart table.

"Eggplant I suppose?" You asked innocently. "I wanted an eggplant, a big one."

Taehyung was sure your virgin words didn't insinuate something else. He looked around his stall and said, "Y/n, I don't believe I have any eggplants here. We'll have to go back to my house to look for some. Would you mind?"

You didn't have any patients to look after today neither did anyone care where you went during the day, plus you get to spend time with Taehyung, you don't see a downside to this. So you agree.

As soon as you do, the cheerful man in front of you took your hand and lead you across the puzzled roads of the market.

"Taehyung-ssi! Don't hold my hand like that!" You exclaimed as he dragged you with him. The people looked at the young couple as if they might pop out fangs anytime.

"People are just looking, they won't do anything. Trust me." and you did for no apparent reason. You trusted him with everything you had. But a part of you called out and asked you how he knew all this, how he was so confident when he kissed you. Had he done this before?

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"I thought your mother would be home." You enquired as you looked at the 25 year old trying to close the heavy wooden door after you asked him to. He barely had any neighbors but the ones he had, you didn't want them snooping around in your business.

"She's at the farm." He replied brightly. There was this thing about him, he looked so stern when he didn't talk to you but when he did, he was the most fun person you had ever seen.

As soon as he closed the door, he hugged you and you dropped your little bag of groceries at his actions. "I've missed you." Yes, you did too.

"Why?" You asked even though you knew better than anyone else. He had kissed you, an act hardly performed by actual lovers. There was no way to get him out of your mind after that.

If anyone knew you had did something of sorts you'd be ridiculed for your entire lifetime. But you didn't regret it at all.

"Maybe because I have never seen someone as beautiful as you." Softly touching your face like you were a raw sculpture, "And I think my mind is heading to a sinful place with you and there's no stop in sight."

You smiled softly, "We don't even know each other..."

"But you trust me right?" He whispered.

"Unfortunately, I do." Making you both laugh softly.

"Let me court you then." He said biting his lip, indicating his nervousness.

What was this man talking about? A woman of your status and a man of his caste shouldn't even mingle with each other, let alone do what you two did that night.

Your father, the public, the Emperor would all prefer you both dead over that happening.

However, Taehyung didn't care. He hated the caste system. 'Only the insecure and afraid would make such a thing up.' He often said.

You wanted Taehyung to love you, you wanted him to know how much you craved for someone, him to be precise, to come into your life and destroy you completely with their love.

You were thinking clearly when you said, "I would love that."

To say Taehyung was happy, would be an understatement. He wanted you; call it lust, call it desire, but it was a form of his love.

"Then you wouldn't mind if I did this..." He said before swiftly untying the front of your hanbok making you gasp and pull out of his embrace.

"What are you doing?" You scrambled trying to re-tie the knot.

"I thought you said you trust me." He smirked, pushing the outer layer of coat off of your shoulders before you could react.

"Taehyung!"

"You trust me right? Let me help you." His words struck you. Help you? How?

"Help me with what?" You stand still as he pulls you out of the coat and discards it onto the ground.

"I know what it's like being a 19 year old. Heck, I still know what it feels like. Being so alone, everyone hates you, you hate everyone. I know how you crave love. Let me give it to you."

How could he possibly know? "I don't wish for love." You state.

"Tsk, you can lie all you want, but I can see it written boldly in your eyes, those beautiful eyes."

You could say no and put a stop to his madness. But the look he gave you, that look that made you want to let loose and give in to his madness. He clearly wanted your body and this was his way of getting it, but how could you possibly deny it when you wanted the same at some point.

You gulped, "If I agree to whatever you're doing? Will you promise no one, not even your parents or your friends, find out?"

You weren't afraid of giving him anything, you were only afraid of what your father might do if he found out. He would beat you, whip you for sure but he would hire men to kill Taehyung.

"It's sex, so call it that, baby. And I am willing to promise the world to you if you just say yes."

"Taehyung, I don't care what happens to me, but I would rather be dead than have anything happen to you."

"Take risks, live a little uisa-nim."

You never took risks. When your father let you out of the house, you never lost your track, always going the way he asked you to go. You never dared to look at a man how much ever you wanted to.

Taehyung though, lured you in. He was a mere Cheonmin but yet he had more life than an upper class man. He had more potential, more everything.

At this moment, you couldn't help but agree. You would never do this if it were anyone else, but it was Taehyung, the man who kissed you on the first day you met.

"My body is what you want, and my body is what you shall get." You take a deep breath and pull him by his hanbok before he could reply and plant a kiss on his lips.

Taehyung wasn't the one to stop kissing your soft lips and correct you that he, in fact didn't wish for your body. He wished for your love, he wished that you craved him the same way he craved you.

You clearly had no experience nor had you ever seen how to kiss someone properly so you didn't move at all expecting this was all you needed to do to kiss.

This turned him on however. Having to teach you everything and molding you into whatever he pleased from a girl.

He pulled back, "That's not how you do it." He let out an arrogant chuckle. "Just go with your instincts and fight with my lips, devour them."

Saying that he placed his lips on yours once again this time meeting with a much warmer welcome from your mouth.

"You're a- fast learner-" He said between the kisses.

It was when he brought in his tongue, you were surprised. However you decided to fight with yours as well.

Your hands entangled into his long hair. He tapped your thigh and signalled you to jump. You trusted him and did as he asked and clinged onto him for dear life.

Oh, how you yearned for more. Conflicting your tongues wasn't enough, you needed his entire body.

Both of you were moaning, Taehyung's deep voice getting you wetter by the second.

Taehyung couldn't possibly get harder than how he was now. He tasted every last inch of your mouth while moving both of your intertwined selves to a room.

Breaking the kiss, he said, "Let me place a blanket here, it's going to get messy. Wouldn't want the floor to get all dirtied up by you." That made you blush more than any suitor ever had.

He gently let you down and arranged the blanket. Adjusting it's corners, he patted on it for you to lay.

"I'm scared." You finally said as he was removing his clothings.

Pausing slightly, he smiled, "You don't have to do this. I won't be upset."

"I'm scared but I want this. I want you."

"Are you sure about that, princess?" He pulled down his pants revealing a very hard dick, almost slapping onto his abdomen.

"Th-that's..." Big, was the right word for it.

Now, you were a doctor in training and you knew how sex worked and how certain body parts looked like. But you had never in your years of study seen or imagined a penis so big.

"Do you not like it?" He mocked wiggling it around a bit making you snicker.

"No, it's just- it's big..." He was almost estatic at your words.

Taehyung was completely naked at this point while you still had your undergarments on. He helped you remove the one surrounding your breasts.

Your boobs fell into his hands with a bounce. It was like he malfunctioned, staring at them for a quick minute before licking his lips and diving in.

You had never felt this before. Your fingers found their way into his hair once again.

"You're so fucking perfect." He said licking one of your nipples and softly biting onto it.

"T-Tae..." You practically shed tears at the feeling.

He moved between your neck and your breasts, kissing and marking up wherever he felt like it. It was a vice, you were a vice to him.

It felt so good, however you needed friction somewhere else as well.

You started rubbing your legs together and it didn't go unnoticed by him.

"Mmm, I know baby, you need me there?"

You replied with a shaky yes.

Leaving your boobs, his hand travelled downwards and into your lower undergarment.

As soon as his cold, long fingers pressed onto your clit, you let out a high pitched moan.

"Have you ever touched yourself?" He asked.

"I've tried it sometimes but never finished." You said weakly.

Taehyung was beyond the limit of hardness at the moment. He had no idea he would be so turned on by a girl so inexperienced. The things he would do to you in the future were boundless.

His hand worked on your clit while his mouth worked on your boobs. You were a moaning mess at this point. Taehyung gave you what you wanted and more.

He licked a long strip from your chest to your lips, kissing you with utmost passion. You were so addictive, all he wanted was to taste every single part of you.

He finally discarded your lower undergarment.

Dragging his fingers from your clit to your core, he slowly entered one finger. You let out a loud whimper.

"It's so tight, baby. How am I going to fit in there? I can't even fit my fingers." He showed fake concern.

You didn't even care at this point, you wanted him deeper in you.

He added another finger that stretched you out. Trying his best to loosen you up for his big dick, he started a scissoring motion with his fingers.

You tried your best to hold back your moans but his fingers felt so good, you're sure the neighbours heard you. He didn't care, it only added to his ego.

He shuffled down and dragged his lips along your body, down your clit all the way to your core. He wanted, needed to taste you so bad, he couldn't resist anymore.

He licked the slick dripping down your thighs because he didn't want any to go to waste.

He was extremely skillful with his tongue, delving expertly within your folds, bringing you near to the edge as soon as he begun. Holding your hips down, he continued.

"Tae, I think- I'm coming"

"Come on, you can do it." Taehyung could hardly believe he was the one to experience your first orgasm.

His hands reached up to twist and fondle your boobs.

Seeing his head of hair digging into your cunt for a taste had you coming in just seconds.

He licked every last drop of your wetness. When he finished, his head popped up with a smug look on his face.

"You have no idea how heavenly you taste." He said locking lips with you once again making you taste yourself. You did taste nice.

"I want to make you feel good too." You said.

"Not today" He said dragging his tip across your folds. "Today I wish to be directly inside you."

His little action made your cunt gush with juices.

"Are you scared, baby?"

"Yeah, but go ahead."

"This is going to hurt a lot. But you'll take it right? For me?" You nod as he leaned down and placed his lips on your forehead. A very intimate gesture that had you falling for him right in the moment.

Now you were very scared. Did you fall for a man you met a few days ago? Not to mention you're in a very vulnerable position with him as well.

Your innocent mind didn't know any better. What you thought was love, was just mere attraction at the moment which turned to love eventually.

"Tae- fuck" He pushed his tip inside.

"Are you okay?"

"Just go- slow" you squirmed.

He pulled out and pushed in once again this time going halfway in.

"It hurts..." You started sheding tears. Taehyung hated seeing you like this. Ofcourse he would have loved to see you cry, but from pleasure.

"We can sto-"

"You can go deeper now..."

He did as you said and bottomed out. Taehyung blamed his stupidly huge dick for making you cry.

He wiped your tears and placed his forehead against yours.

"You can tell me when to move, I'll be still until you tell me to."

It took you at least a minute or two to adjust and accommodate his length. The man on top of you aided by kissing you deeply through every second of it. You began to move the slightest bit on your own making Taehyung hiss.

"Shall I?" He was still patient, waiting for you to utter the words.

"Please, move." You let out.

Taehyung finally let go of the breath he didn't know he was retaining. He had to remind himself multiple times that he was your first, it pained you.

'Not yet.' He said to himself, referring to the fact that he couldn't fuck you as roughly as a pleased.

His thrusts were unhurried yet firm. So firm that it made your back arch at how deep his cock went.

You couldn't help but moan, in fact that was all you could do. Pleasure overtook your senses and you were at Taehyung's mercy.

He intertwined his fingers with yours on either side of your head, "So good for me, so tight."

"Faster!"

"Yeah? Want me to go faster? Such a little slut."

You were surprised at what you heard. You wanted to defend yourself, you were far from a slut and you were sure Taehyung knew that. Oh, but it turned you on so good. Him degrading you like that, him making you feel humiliated.

Taehyung must have sensed the effect it had on you, how could he not? You moaned the loudest when he said that.

"So wet, baby. I bet all the guys would love your little pussy, wouldn't they?"

"Want- only you." You somehow vocalised.

He loved it so much, the effect he had on you.

"Need to train you to become my personal sleeve, am I right?"

"Fuck, I can't-" You knew this feeling, you were coming.

He picked up the pace, hitting your sweet spot repeatedly. The scene itself was too explicit. Had anyone seen it, it would have been too entralling.

"Come on." He punctuated his words with his thrusts.

You let out a moan of his name and reached your high.

Taehyung's pace stuttered, an indication of him reaching his high as well. He realised, much to his dismay, he couldn't cum inside of you. He halted to pull out.

"No! You can let go inside of me."

"But, you'll-"

"I am a doctor in training, I have some herbs that can work." You smirked.

He chuckled, "Someone's being a little too smart."

He resumed his thrusts. After a few of them, he came. The feeling was really euphoric. Having the one you had feelings for, let his semen coat your insides.

He pulled out and laid beside you. Both of you faced each other; low on energy but high on love.

Taehyung lifted his hand up, tracing the apple of your cheek ever so slightly making you smile.

He spoke first, "That was..."

"I know, I don't have words for it either."

"Can I tell you something crazy?" He asked pulling you to lay on top of him.

"Ofcourse, what is it?"

"I think I am madly in love with you."

You looked into his eyes, slightly glossy from the overwhelming feelings he had for you.

"What do you mean?" You ask in almost a whisper.

"I know it's been just a few days, but I feel like I have known you for years. Like, your favourite colour is probably blue."

You giggle, "It's not, but go on."

"Then I want to know you better, Kim Y/N. What do you say?"

"Thank you for making me feel, Kim Taehyung." You bury your face into his chest. "This is the first time anyone has had feelings for me, let alone loved me. I never had feelings either, but you are something else."

You look up at him, "I think I'm in love with you too."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

He had become your only beacon of hope. Your only little support while you were drowning. What happens when a human is given that? He clings onto it as fast as he can, as tightly as he can.

It had been 5 months since you first met Taehyung. 5 months full of exploring and adventures. It would be proper to say that you never would have guessed you got this close to someone.

You'd spend hours on end with him, until it was finally time to go home before the sunset.

You had introduced him to your special spot. A small, secluded clearing in a forest beside a lake. You had stumbled upon it when you were barely a teenager. No one except Hoseok and now Taehyung knew about it.

"What are you thinking about?" The man whose arms engulfed you asked.

Taehyung was leaning against a tree while you sat between his legs leaned against his chest.

"About the day when the Emperor was practically fuming when I said I couldn't prepare a dish for him on his birthday."

Taehyung twirled a strand of your hair with his index finger and laughed, "I wish I were there to see it."

"I hate him so, so much."

"Yeah, I hope to punch him in the face someday for what he did to you all these years."

"I love you..." You cozied yourself deeper into his arms.

"Love you too."

The talks from the noble and humble alike were spreading. No one fancied the way you, an unmarried aristocrat girl, spent time with a Cheonmin. Certainly, they couldn't see what you did behind closed doors, but you found yourself afraid of what they might do if they did.

Taehyung didn't care and asked you to do so as well. But how could you? When your father continued to beat the life out of you, even more so now that the talks flew around.

You couldn't mention it to your lover because it would have very obvious yet perilous consequences. So you had to feign that everything was alright.

That is why, whenever he asked you where you got a certain bruise from, you would reply with a simple, 'Oh, this? I fell.' or any other falsified answer you could think of.

Every day Taehyung walked you home, or sometimes even carried you just to the edge of the forest. And you were once again back to your oppressive household without anyone to share your sorrows with.

But this day was different. He walked with you till you were a few houses away from your own, you parted ways and you walked back alone to your house, or rather, you thought you'd be alone.

A voice came from behind you, "Good evening, young lady." You almost jumped at how close the man was to your ear and how you didn't hear him coming to this proximity.

The man in question looked much older than you, almost as old as Hoseok. This person was certainly here to bother you and you definitely weren't down for it.

You let out a nervous laughter, "Oh, good evening." And walked forward without sparing him a second glance.

"Don't be so rude now, I am here to speak with you." He caught up to your hurried pace.

"I am sorry but I don't suppose I would be of any use to you." A myriad of questions arose in your mind. Who was he? Was he here to have his way with you? You had heard from Taehyung, what men possibly thought of you; and it certainly wasn't pure.

"Ah, see that's where you are wrong." He said in a false vile tone, "You are very useful to me."

You turned around completely appalled, "That is no way to talk to someone, a lady in particular. I could be of use to you after you have spoken with my father."

"Who is the lady here? I see a girl, no, a kitten."

Not having much time to spare, as your father would quite literally kill you for being outside after dark, you said, "Sir, I am no kitten, but I am not one to argue with you. Good day." Saying this hopefully deterred him enough to not pursue you anymore.

And it did work, he didn't follow you after that, or rather, again, you thought he wouldn't follow you.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"How was your day, father?" You asked setting his footwear aside and welcoming him.

"Well, the funniest thing happened today. A master brought in his slave for treatment." He laughed. Ofcourse, he wouldn't give his services to anyone lower than the nobles and the occasional palace workers.

Your mother reciprocated his laughter with her own, "You should have told your assistant to not let them in." The two of them joked further while the kitchen staff served them dinner. You sat down on the floor beside your father fidgeting and looking down at your fingers on your lap.

It annoyed you, like something that constantly pricked you deep within. It was the way not just your parents, but the majority of people spoke about the lower and less fortunate.

"Isn't it funny, my daughter? Why are you not laughing?" He asked. You had been over this before. You would ask him not to speak about the lower castes this way and in return he would starve you for the night.

"It's just that..."

"What is it?" He asked in a stern voice. "Speak up!"

"I-I don't like your words. I don't like the way you talk about them." You shut your eyes fully expecting a smack right across your face.

But it never came. Neither did your father's anger.

Instead he laughed.

"Is that so? My dear, do you know what that slave said to me?" He asked. You were stunned and confused to say anything.

"He said, 'You don't mind your daughter sleeping with that Kim boy, but you refuse to treat me?'"

You began to grow even more confused as you looked at the servants setting up another plate of food on a small table similar to yours and your parents'.

"You know Jeon called me to his palace today. He has heard the rumours as well."

A man with cold feline eyes and his forehead covered with his messy yet well-maintained bangs walked into the room. He held a scowl on his face as he sat down at the table in front of yours.

Your eyes widened. It was the same person who had bothered you earlier that day.

"Father, what's going on?" You asked partially getting up from your little table.

But your father simply completed his previous statement, "So, he sent his finest to keep an eye on you."

"What do you mean?"

"Meet Min Yoongi."

[the-hole-in-terzos-shoe]

When a Paradise is Lost

Papa Emeritus IV x Fem!Reader, mentions of Papa Emeritus III x Fem!Reader (18+ ONLY, MDNI)

TW: this thing is angsty, death, pregnancy, pregnancy loss, grief, and of course smut.

Word Count: 13.4k

Hey Ghesties... It's finally here ❤️ I was hoping to have this out about 2 days ago, but life has inevitably happened. It's been a great escape working on this though. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it! I've written in the past for other fandoms but this is my first big boy story for Ghost, so please feel free to drop constructive criticism if there's any way I can make future stories more immersive. Okay, I leave you alone now, love you, bye! Enjoy 😉

Silence fell over the chapel as the head of the church apathetically entered through the heavy wooden doors. Even Sister Imperator froze mid sentence upon seeing him.

No one, save for a few of his closest ghouls, had seen Copia since that tragic night. The whole abbey felt very melancholy in the days following, and with no Emeritus progeny left, Sister Imperator had no choice but to take over some of Papa's duties, including leading mass, like she was now.

Paint clearly brushed on haphazardly and not doing a great job of hiding the red puffiness around his eyes, he stalked up the main aisle between pews, only stopping when Sister called to him by his nickname, "𝘊?"

Keeping his chin down but moving his eyes to look at her, he replies, "Please continue, Sister," before turning his eyes back towards the floor and moving to his intended destination: the open spot next to you.

Sister Imperator, who rarely ever hesitates, calmly tries to keep going with her lecture on the fight against corruption. A subject that frankly felt out of touch in this moment in the ministry, but it was probably in an attempt to take everyone's mind off of what had happened.

Not wanting to make a spectacle of your Papa seated next to you, you quickly peek at him out of the corner of your eye. He simply stared blankly straight ahead. Perhaps he thought it would look like he was listening, but he was clearly a million miles away. 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦? You had only encountered Copia typically in formal settings or on the days that you hung on Terzo's arm while strolling the grand halls of the abbey. Perhaps it was the only open seat he saw, but it seemed more directed than that, to you at least. 𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦?

Lost in your thoughts, you almost don't hear the whisper that squeaks from his sore vocal chords. You turn your attention to him, eyebrows upturned with worry, "yes, Papa?"

"How-" his lip quivers, "h-how did you deal with it? How did you handle... this pain?" Still staring blankly ahead, a tear falls down his cheek.

Instantly searching your pocket for a handkerchief, you now understand what he's come to you for. You've had to admit to yourself that Copia's loss reminded you of your own, bringing up a flood of memories of the days, weeks, months after Terzo was killed. You're unfortunately all too familiar with what the antipope must be feeling after losing his own Prime Mover.

Just days prior, the ministry bubbled with excitement over the prospect of the newest member of the Emeritus bloodline arriving soon. Copia's Prime Mover could be seen wandering the halls, hand on her swollen belly, surrounded by ghouls and handmaidens who had been tasked with protecting her and keeping her as comfortable as possible, respectively. She really was a brilliant woman. Everyone liked her, as it was hard not to find her charming, and she brought out the best in her Papa. It made everyone immensely happy.

Naturally, it hit everyone very hard when news travelled that her labors had turned fatal for both her and the baby.

Now here you are, faced with a grieving man, asking you an unanswerable question. Gently, you bring the handkerchief you'd finally found to his cheek. For a moment, he furrows his brows as if he's angry and doesn't like you so close to him, so you make quick work of touching him up before giving him the only honest answer that comes to your mind: "There's no right way to deal with it. It's just important that you do deal with it; don't push the feelings down, but face them straight on."

He stares blankly again for a long time, before moving his eyes to look at you. His face softens, eyebrows quirking up, as he meets your gaze. "Grazie, Sorella," barely came as a whisper, before he turns his eyes back to the stained glass window at the front of the room.

He sits right there, unmoving, as mass ends and Siblings and ghouls quietly shuffle out, not wanting to disturb their Papa. As the room empties, you're unsure whether you should stay or go; clearly he had been seeking you out and you don't want to abandon him in his time of need. Even though he sits in silence, you can see the storm raging behind his eyes, the hurt in his heart from losing his love.

"Would you like company, Papa?" you gingerly ask.

"Sì. I would like that very much."

And so you sit with him in the chapel in silence as his mind races. It isn't much, but you know how lonely that feeling is, and how sometimes just having someone nearby can help ease that, if only a little.

• • •

There was no feeling in the world like being loved by Terzo.

He could make anyone feel important, as if they were the only one that ever mattered to him, just by talking with him. You reflect on just how important you felt when he lifted that veil from your visage and closed the space between your lips, making you 𝘩𝘪𝘴, forever, in the eyes of Satan, and before the eyes of all members of the ministry piled into the chapel that had started to feel like home. But not as much as 𝘩𝘦 felt like home.

As he twirled you on the dance floor at the reception of your Prime Mover ritual, you'd never felt so safe as you did in his arms. The promise of forever on his lips whispered softly into your ear. But that forever was cut short, sooner than you ever could've imagined.

• • •

A couple days later, as you're messily shuffling through papers that Sister Imperator was breathing down your neck about, a Ghoul sneaks up on you to request your presence in the papal suite. You aren't as familiar with Copia's group of Ghouls as you had been with Terzo's, but you can tell through the dark goggles of his mask that he seems a little nervous. Something must be wrong.

You quickly grab the arm of the Ghoul, muscle memory taking over as you walk hurriedly towards the space that once was so familiar to you. You haven't seen it in years...

You're quickly met with a "Sorella-" after a frantic knock on the door, "are you alright? It was not my intention to worry you." He grabs your hand, kissing your knuckles gently. He looks a lot better than he had in the chapel, but still not fully pieced back together; frankly, he never would be, and you knew this from experience.

He turns to the Ghoul, "Thank you for guiding the Stellina here safely."

"Uhhh..." he mumbles and tenses up, scratching the back of his neck with his finger tips, "It was more like she guided me," he chuckles nervously.

A small smile of realization crosses Copia's face, "Of course she did." It hadn't previously crossed his mind that you once lived here.

The Ghoul turns to leave, as Copia invites you inside. It looks very different than it had all those years ago. It hasn't lost it's elegance since you and Terzo resided here, but all the decor is much more elaborate now.

You chuckle at the memory of Terzo essentially just wanting to throw black silk on everything and calling it a day. "𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦... 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘰 𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘢 𝘥𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘰." Satanas, even the memory of him could make you blush.

"Everything okie dokie?" Copia snaps you out of your thoughts; you must've been just staring blankly and smiling like an idiot.

"Oh- yes, it just all looks so different. Everything's all moved around." You surely look like a deer caught in headlights.

"Is it to your disliking?" Copia is such a considerate man, almost to a fault; naturally he would be concerned if a guest didn't like his quarters.

"No! No, not at all. It's just..." you look up at the ceiling trying to find the right word so as not to cause him more concern.

"Unfamiliar, sì?"

"Yes, unfamiliar," your eyes drop from the ceiling to finally meet his, full of kindness, but still red and puffy.

"Please, sit," he motions to the sofa that faces the marble fireplace; at least that still looks the same, although you suppose it would be a lot of work to replace all that marble.

Taking a seat beside you, Copia startes to fiddle with the tea glasses on the coffee table in front of you, "Would you like some, topolino?"

You let out a giggle at the nickname, appropriate considering his obsession with his pet rats. "Please, Papa."

"Oh, please, no need to call me Papa; I remember the days when I was just a cardinal to you... but that's enough reminiscing for now; I have a few things I wanted to discuss with you- or uhhh, just say to you really." He hands you a little cup of tea, having added a swirl of honey to it; you aren't sure what kind it was, but it's good. "Let me start by apologizing for pulling you away from your duties in the main offices," he gently squeezes your hand, "I know Seestor already has so much on her plate with everyone in mourning, especially having to see to my tasks, and now I've taken one of her best workers away for a little while. I'm sure she'll be frustrated," he sighs, seemingly in regret; he doesn't want to get you in trouble.

Now it's your turn to squeeze his hand, reassuring him, "It's 𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘦," you start, imitating him, "I can handle her."

He sips his tea and makes eye contact with you. For a moment it looks like tears threaten to build up in his mismatched eyes, the pain of loss clearly still fresh on him. You know how quickly it could bubble up, seemingly out of nowhere, while talking about things somewhat unrelated. But that was the thing about death hitting so close to home: it made everything related to it; every thought was about them, every little thing would remind you of them.

"Thank you..." It comes out as a whisper as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, clearly trying to maintain composure. "I'm just so tired of crying. Sometimes I think I've run out of tears, but then somehow, more come." You sit with him patiently until he's ready to talk again.

In the silence your eyes drift back to the room, scanning over the beaded black lace of the bed canopy, the lush deep blue rug on the floor with metallic gold trim, the collection of art glass vases-

"Sorella." It comes out bluntly. Maybe you hadn't heard him the first time he tried to speak.

"Hm? I'm sorry- um, yes Papa?" you fumble over your words.

The tiniest smile tugs at the corners of his painted lips, "Sorella, I also wanted to thank you."

The deer-caught-in-headlights look is back, "What for?"

He puts his tea cup down and fidgets with his hands, looking down at them. "Throughout the last weeks, you're the only one that's been honest with me. Everyone else-" he chokes up for a moment, but pulls it back together, "everyone else just looks at me with pity, horror in their eyes because they can't imagine it happening to them." He grabs your tea cup, setting it down, and turns to face you, taking both of your hands in his. "That's why I knew I had to seek out someone who would understand, someone who wouldn't cry just because I was, someone who wasn't trying to sympathise with this... unimaginable feeling. It had to be real. It had to be you, Stellina."

You're taken aback. You had no idea how much your words would have affected him when you spoke them in the chapel. Of course, you had no one to turn to when you had been in Copia's shoes. At the time that the Emeritus brothers were killed, Primo's Prime Mover had long since passed, and Secondo's, stubborn as he was, ran off out of anger. You were the only connection left to their bloodline, and you hadn't even had the chance to provide Terzo with an hier. In that way, Copia's experience differs from yours; at least he has someone to talk to who understands the grief.

He continues, "I know we never had any deep conversation before they took Terzo away from you, and I've done horribly at keeping touch with you since becoming Papa; that wasn't fair to you, cara, I'm sure it only made you feel more isolated; that's why I appreciate your, ahhh... willingness to accept me. And my grief. I know it must be a lot-"

"Copia," you whisper, stopping him from rambling, "it's okay." You cup his cheek in your hand. "Or 𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘦, rather," you give him a warm smile, and get a laugh in return. "Now, was that all you brought me down here for?"

"Um, sì," he replies with a cringe, realizing maybe he shouldn't have pulled you away from work just to talk.

"Ahhh, using your Papa power just to get what you want, huh? Some things never change," you laugh as well.

For the first time in a long time, Copia calls you by your name, grabbing your hand again, "Please stay."

• • •

Although it was now late in the afternoon, you're back in the office to at least sort out some papers, getting your things in order to work hard tomorrow. You'll have a lot to catch up on since you'd practically taken the whole day off.

You don't regret it though. You knew Copia needed to get some things off his chest, so you simply sat with him again, but this time you talked--a lot. Everything from reflecting on old times, listening as you shared little secrets about Terzo that no one knew, laughing about goofy memories or things you never knew you had in common, all the way to literally being a shoulder to cry on. Papa still has a lot of feelings to feel and you're just trying to be there for him; based on his little speech earlier, he needs it.

"And where have you been sneaking off to?"

Imperator. It comes across cold and unforgiving.

"I'm sorry, Sister Imperator, it won't happen again."

"Hm. You say that now, but I remember how you are when you start seeing somebody. You'll be my best worker, until you find a distraction."

"Sister, please. You know I apologized for that." She was referring to the times when you started seeing Terzo, and again when you briefly were seeing someone to try to get over losing him. "You know how grateful I am that you let me have this job back." After you were no longer a Prime Mover, the clergy didn't know what to do with you. They weren't sure if you would get angry like Secondo's lady, and they needed Copia's transition to power to be as smooth as possible.

"Well perhaps if you kept your head in your paperwork, we wouldn't be struggling as much as we are to keep up the pace of things around here."

"Sister. You know very well why we're struggling. Papa losing his Prime Mover hasn't been easy on anyone in the ministry, least of all him. He's broken! At least I'm trying to help put the pieces back together!" You may have kind of yelled that last part, but damn is this woman hard to put up with.

"What was that? How would you know how he feels?" Her voice is softer than before with a touch of concern.

"Now you know where I was all day. He summoned me to his chambers."

"Oh. Well. I suppose if Cardi- I mean, Papa wants to see you, then I suppose I can't argue with our figure head." The only thing in the world she has a soft spot for is Copia; she'll protect him however she can.

As you dismiss yourself from the offices, Imperator stands there, frozen to the spot. That same part of her that wants to protect him from the feelings he's having also wants to protect him from you. She worries what you could do to usurp the power she has not only over the ministry, but over her Copia as well. (It's called enmeshment babes 💅✨)

• • •

Your meetings with Copia continue on for several weeks, often with the rollercoaster of emotions that he feels each time you met: release of sadness, laughter, comfortable silence, caring. You really start to care for him not only as the Papa of this ministry but as a person. It kind of makes you feel silly for not getting to know him better before, maybe then you would've had a friend after Terzo left you.

The thought made your eyes wander over to the bed, again. It often caught your attention; it was only of the only things that was still in the same place you and your beloved had yours.

"𝘈𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦..."

"𝘠𝘦𝘴?" 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥, 𝘨𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘛𝘦𝘳𝘻𝘰'𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴.

𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘴, 𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘩 𝘣𝘦𝘥, 𝘱𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘬 𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘴. 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘣𝘰𝘸 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦, 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴.

"𝘐𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘰 𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦... 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘰, 𝘴𝘪?"

"𝘖𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦," 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

"Non ti lascerò mai. Nemmeno lo stesso Lucifero potrebbe tenermi lontano da te." 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

It was a promise he couldn't keep.

"Cara?"

Once again, Copia pulls you from your thoughts. You were unaware tears had welled up in your eyes as you stared at the bed, lost in a different time. As you turn to face him, your tearducts betray you and tears spill down your cheeks.

"Oh, no no no no no.... Stellina, you're always the strong one," he says pulling you to him, your forehead cradling against his neck and hands finding his chest. "What's gotten to you, piccolina?"

His endless stream of pet names did attempt to soothe you, but in the end your feelings won. In that moment, you realize it had been a long time since you'd let it all out, which is exactly what you'd been encouraging him to do. Funny how you didn't take your own advice. You harshly sob into his chest for a few minutes, hands balling his shirt up into fists. He feels solid like a brick wall for you, supporting you, letting you beat your fists against him in frustration until you calm down, although it's more that you tired out honestly.

One arm around your waist and the other hand cradling the back of your head, he holds you tightly to him. He wants to offer you the same comfort and support you offer him, he's just perhaps more 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘯 about it.

"Hey Copia?" you prompt, drying the last of your tears and sniffling lightly.

"Yes?" he counters by using your name as well.

"Let's go see Primo's garden."

"Okie dokie, Sorella."

Sun on your face is just what you need, and to get out of that room. The gardens haven't been the same since Primo himself no longer tended to them, but they are still beautiful nonetheless, and everyone still calls it Primo's garden; it feels wrong to call it anything else.

Walking right into the greenery, running your fingers gently along the flowers, Copia starts after you, "You know Primo wouldn't want you walking among the plants..."

"Hmmm... Little do you know," you smile over your shoulder at the man, "I used to work in the gardens, and Primo taught me all the best hiding spots." You wink, before running off quickly.

"Hey! Sorella!!!" Papa hollers after you, picking up his pace, but it's nothing to match your knowledge of the twists and turns of the foliage. He probably never would've found you if it wasn't for your uncontrollable laughter. By the time he turns the corner to the little clearing in the tall bushes, you're already laid back on the soft grass, habit pulled off, and shoes kicked aside. You reach your hand up for his, pulling him down roughly. "You're stronger than you look, Sorella," he chuckles as he settles on his back in the grass next to you.

You lie back in silence for a while, just enjoying the sun, the breeze, the sounds of nature. But it can't last forever.

"Mia cara, you never answered my question."

"Hm? What question?" you play dumb.

"Cara... What have you been teaching me about talking about our feelings, facing them head on? Do those rules not apply to you?" Copia turns on his side to face you, "What was bothering il mio topolino back there, huh?"

"It was, uhhh..." you search for the right words; you don't find them, "It was stupid. I'm okay now, Papa."

"If stupidity made you cry like that, I'm afraid you'd be crying all the time around me. Now," he places his fingers on your chin, making you look him in the eyes, "what was it, tesoro?"

"You're not stupid, Papa."

He addresses you bluntly by your name, letting you know he's serious, "Stop avoiding the question. And I know you're only calling me Papa to distract me from getting my answer." He keeps a straight face for a long moment, then sticks out his tongue at you, breaking his stern look. It's his way of letting you know that you aren't really in trouble, but he does expect you to be honest with him.

"It was the bed."

"Hm?

"The bed."

"Che cosa? Do you not like it?"

"No, it's, uh," you knit your eyebrows together in frustration, "it's a lovely bed, but it's where Terzo and I had ours. It's one of the only things in your chambers that's in the same spot as it was before."

"That is all, mia cara?"

"Well it reminds me of him."

"Do you not want to be reminded of him?"

"Not in that way, no. Those memories are so... intimate, and they're the hardest ones to take." You feel vulnerable telling Copia this, but it had been bugging you for weeks.

"Well then... We move the bed, sì? Problem solved."

"Copia... I don't want you to rearrange your room on account of me," you reach up, resting your hand on his arm, which was languidly lying across your waist.

"It'll probably be saving me the trouble of some of those memories in the future, no?" he gives you a bittersweet smile, "Come now, we have some work to do!" He sits up, grabbing your shoes before running off. Now it's your turn to chase him...

Back in his chambers, your shoes wait neatly by the door as Copia returns from the small kitchen with two glasses of ice water. He has a smug grin on his face as he practically makes you drink from the glass. "I believe you left your habit in the gardens, Sorella."

Damn it. "Ah, fuck it. Sister Imperator already wants to kill me for missing so much work. I'm sure the habit is only a minor infraction."

"Sì, and you look bellissima without it."

That comment makes you blush a little. He'd never commented on your appearance before, but luckily your cheeks were already flush from running after him.

Copia shrugs off his vest, rolling up the sleeves and unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt. You have to admit that it looks good on him. Now you're blushing about commenting on his appearance, albeit internally.

"What do you think of putting it here, hm?" He gestures to the nook in the wall that had a huge dresser and his art glass vases.

You sip your water, "Hmmm??"

"The bed. We move it here, sì?"

"You meant right now?"

"Of course, I meant right now. I don't want this to cause you another minute of worry, Stellina."

Next thing you know, you're gently wrapping art glass vases and placing them into a box. It is only when the sound of furniture scraping against the floor becomes obvious that several Ghouls come rushing to the door, worry written on their faces even behind their masks.

"Ah! Perfetto! Extra hands to help!" Copia invites the Ghouls in to help move the massive bed and dresser, which they handle in no time thanks to their otherworldly strength.

As you unwrap the last of the art glass to place back on top of the dresser, now in its new place, Copia remarks, "Sembra fantastico, dolcezza!"

"Someone's in a good mood," you turn to look over your shoulder at him.

"Sì, it felt good doing something other than sitting around here. Not that I don't like sitting with you," he takes your hand, thumbs rubbing your knuckles.

"No, you're right," you smile up at him, "it did feel good. Change of pace."

"Sì," is all he says before a wicked grin spreads across his lips. Suddenly, he wraps his arms around your waist, scooping you up, and throwing you over his shoulder.

"PAPA!!! Put me down!"

"I can't, not yet, Sorella! The floor would be too hard!"

"Too hard for what?!"

"For this!" He grabs your waist and pushes you high into the air, letting you come down hard on the bed.

"You-" you grumble at him, straightening out your skirt and fixing your hair

"Who, me?" he asks bewildered.

"Yes, you! You little shit!"

He tuts his tongue at you, "Now is that any way to speak to your Papa? Especially one who just moved half his room to make you comfortable?" He sheds the look of disapproval, and sits next to you, taking your hand, "Really, mia cara, is this better for you?"

His soft voice coaxes you to recline back on his pillows, observing the room only half seriously, "Yes, Copia, it's perfect... Thank you." And you really mean it, because you know that you don't have to sleep in here, he does, but it still means enough to him to move the bed so your thoughts won't haunt you anymore.

• • •

As the months went on, Copia started working again. It was good to see him leading mass again. At first the topics were perhaps more basic, helping him dip his toes in the water, so to speak; it was still so easy to strike a chord that would make him spiral. But he was happy to be back in his office working on translations with his cute little assistant. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵?? 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘐𝘚 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦, 𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘐'𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘓𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦...

He had even started working with the Ghouls making music again. You didn't know exactly what went into all that, but you have to imagine he has to take that slow as well. For now, you've heard they're just rehearsing old songs to get back into the swing of things. They even invited a few (which of course turned into more than a few) Siblings of Sin to a short performance, the Ghouls insisting it would help their Papa to be in front of a crowd again.

"What did you think of our little show, mia cara?" Copia shyly asks you, pulling you out of the crowd of Siblings; his small voice such a sharp contrast to what you'd just seen up on that stage.

"Papa, I think you know what everyone thinks of your performance, everyone is absolutely gushing seeing you reach your full potential again."

"Ah, sì, but my timing was a little late a few times, and I forgot a couple of the lyrics... Besides, I wasn't concerned with what everyone else thinks. I want to know what 𝘺𝘰𝘶 think, Stellina."

"Papa Emeritus?" a Sister nervously approaches the two of you.

"Yes, my child?" he turns to them, always charismatic after a performance.

"Um, uh," she holds out one of the CDs from the Ghost Project, "will you sign this?"

"Of course, dolcezza," he chuckled, delighted over the attention. You have a sneaking suspicion that the Ghouls told everyone to really play it up and act like adoring fans rather than people who get to see Papa regularly. The girl waves her friends over and a small group of Siblings and Ghouls all come over to shower their Papa with praises. As he's drawn further into conversation with them, he turns over his shoulder to look at you, almost as if asking for approval, as he did not want to disappoint you by leaving you alone.

"Go!" you mouth, shooing him away with your hands, "Go have fun! Go see your fans!" You had to yell the last part as he slowly got pulled away from you.

They don't mean any harm; they just want to let Papa know how much they adore him, but you did get a weird pang in your stomach when he called that other Sister "dolcezza," one of the many names he used for you. You quickly shake off the feeling and try to enjoy the atmosphere, it isn't every day you got to see Papa and the Ghouls perform.

After being dragged to a wild after party by the Ghouls, you quietly walk back to your quarters. You had left a little early, knowing the party would rage into the night, but you need to say least 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵 to work tomorrow. Plus you don't think you could take the sight of Papa with that girl anymore--the same one he called dolcezza--sitting in his lap. You knew it had been several months, and he would start to seek comfort in others eventually, but still, something about it felt wrong. Of course, you never mean to judge your Papa, it just feels too soon and you worry if he's ready, if his wounds are healed enough.

As you dig in your pocket for the key to your room, you feel hands grab at your waist from behind. Gasping, you drop your keys before being pinned to the door by the tall slender form behind you. "Going to bed so soon, dolcezza?" 𝘏𝘮𝘱𝘩. 𝘖𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦.

"Yes, Papa. Some of us have work tomorrow," you threw him a small smile over your shoulder.

"Ahhh, but how often do we get to party like this, mia cara? Especially as of late." He reaches down to get your keys, and you turn, leaning your back against the door.

"You really came all the way down here, just to drag me back to the party?"

"No, Sorella. I came to party with you," he leaned his against the door, hand next to your head, trapping you to the spot.

"Papa, I think you're drunk."

"I might be, Sorella," he giggles, clearly still riding the high from performing again. Terzo used to act similar after a performance with the inflated ego, knowing everyone wanted him.

"Besides, I thought you would have other 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺 this evening..."

"Che cosa? The sorella from the party? Don't tell me my little topolino is jealous..."

𝘑𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘴. 𝘕𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭... 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦? 𝘞𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘴? 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵... 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵?

"Piccolina, your silence says more than you know," he coos, lifting your chin with his fingers.

"I'm not jealous, Copia," you squirm beneath him, looking down at the floor, "Our relationship isn't like that." Technically that is the truth. Yes, he was handsy with you, but he was handsy with all the Siblings. You'd never thought about him in that way, and now, as the thoughts crept up now, it felt wrong. You're supposed to be his friend, his confidant.

Copia seems to sober up for a minute, inhaling sharply before dryly stating, "I suppose you are right, Sorella."

"Goodnight, Papa."

"Goodnight, amore," he replied, kissing your knuckles before letting you retreat to your room, ever the gentleman.

All you could think before crashing hard into your pillow was 𝘈𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦? 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘰𝘯𝘦.

• • •

A few days passed and you hadn't heard anything from Copia, you hadn't been called to his suite or anything. You were certain he likely had another Sibling warming his bed, the thought making you sick. You feel guilty. Guilty for feeling possessive of your Papa; he isn't yours, he could belong to anyone he wanted now. Not enough time had passed since he belonged to another, the most spectacular woman he could've asked for. You feel like you're trying to replace her, and it isn't your intention. She was amazing and always deserved to have a place in Copia's heart. And then there was Terzo... You feel like your were betraying him. Every memory you make with Copia pushes Terzo further and further from your mind. That also makes you feel guilty. You don't ever want to forget him. It feels like you're trying to replace him, too, and he deserves to live on in your heart, just as Copia's Prime Mover will for him.

Without even realizing, your feet wander quickly through the halls of the ministry; you hadn't even bothered to put shoes on. Your feet pad against the floor hard as you rushed in what direction you aren't even sure. Tears fill your eyes making everything blurry. You're sure someone probably could follow your trail by the amount of tears you left on the cold marble floor. Before you know it your feet stop, looking up through weary eyes, you make out the silhouette of Copia's chamber door. 𝘜𝘨𝘩, 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦? 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦?

You knock before you can even stop yourself.

The whole door shifts slightly, it was cracked open, and you hadn't noticed. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘊𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘢. 𝘏𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘎𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘺.

Worried, you pull the door open gently, not sure what you'll find behind the heavy oak.

And there he is... leaning against the doorway between the little kitchen and rest of the space, taking the breath right from your lungs.

You can barely say his name, "Terzo?"

His eyes gently lock with yours, and he moves towards you, suave as always.

"Teh... Terzo? Wh-what.. whatareyoudoinghere..."

It makes no sense. You're clearly in Copia's room, the bed in its new place and all.

"𝘈𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦..." his arm effortlessly gliding around your waist, and his other hand brushing your cheek. "What makes you cry like this? I'll put an end to it right this minute."

You're not even able to speak as you lean into his chest sobbing. His scent envelops you, bringing back a flood of memories.

"Bella, you must calm down, you'll worry yourself sick, mia cara. Try to breathe." He holds you tightly to him, white-gloved fingers laced in your hair. "Shhh, shhh..." he coos, humming to you like a mother would to her child.

After a while of trying to dry your sniffles and tears, Terzo leads you across the room to sit at the foot of the bed with you.

"Terzo," you whine, "what's going on?"

"You always were un uccellino curioso. Do not worry piccolina, you will get your answers in time," he reassures you, placing a kiss on top of your head.

"I just- I've missed you so much!" Tears threaten to spill once again. Immediately they're met with a white glove wiping them away.

"I know, mia cara, I've missed you too, così tanto. But I'm here now, and it breaks me to see il mio cuore hurt the way she does." He gently guides your chin towards him, softly kissing your lips. That familiar spark flies through you; electricity seemingly coursing through his veins, you can feel it on your skin with every little touch.

Absentmindedly you open your mouth, ready to receive anything he has to offer, and his tongue never did disappoint. Even after all these years your body still aches for him, made obvious as you hastily works on the buttons of his shirt. Terzo's hand, now bare, creeps under the hem of your skirt, "They put my Prime Mover back in her old habits, huh? This simply won't do..." He tugs your skirt up around your waist and quickly makes work of pulling the veil from your hair. Almost like muscle memory, you lift your arms for him to pull the simple black fabric from your form in one fluid motion. "Quello è meglio. Satana, quanto mi è mancato il tuo dolce corpo," he mumbles, lips immediately attaching to your collar bone.

This draws a sigh from you as you run your fingers through his hair. He throws his shirt off his shoulders, discarding it on the floor, and your fingertips greedily take in the feeling of his bare skin.

With a hand behind your head and a strong arm around your hips, he moves you further up the bed, then crashes his weight down on top of you. His hands roam your body, grabbing at your waist, your panties, your breasts, your hair, until one of his hands find yours, interlocking your fingers. His lips work on the sensitive skin at your neck, drawing his name accompanied with several moans and whines from you.

"Oh, please Terzo... Don't ever stop," you let out, nails scratching at his back and scalp.

"Forever and ever, sì? I'll make love to you 'til the end of time, amore." With one hand holding yours above your head, his other scoops up your thigh, hooking your leg on his hip. You feel his hardness grind down on your sex, layers of fabric trapped between you, and you both hiss with pleasure.

You want to yell at him so badly, demand he take you right then and there, but the words wouldn't come. What if you lost him again? Instead it's best to savor the time you have.

You reach your hand between your bellies, nails lightly dragging from the waistline of his pants up to his belly button, a move that drives him crazy every time. As he practically attacks your mouth with his, your hand finds his erection and starts to palm at it. Within seconds, your lover is becoming putty in your hands, and as you unzip the annoying fabric to take his hot girth in your hands, an indecipherable stream of Italian flows from his vocal chords, something about a sex goddess handcrafted by the Dark Lord himself.

His hands glide along your hips, fingers hooking into your panties as he rips them right off of you. "Please, cara," he begs, kicking his pants off into the floor, "mia cara dolce seduttrice, please let me take you."

You feel his cock, slick with precum, pressing against your folds; he looks up at you panting, eyes blown wide with lust, "Per favore." You have mercy on him, allowing him to enter you, the stretch drawing loud groans from both of you. It feels like two strong magnets had finally collided, and once he was seated comfortably inside you, he looks down at you, ever-so-gently pushing a strand of hair behind your ear before pressing a soft kiss to your lips. His hand rests on the side of your neck, thumb stroking your cheek, never breaking the kiss as he starts to roll his hips. You let out a light moan, threading your hands in that beautiful raven black hair.

He only broke this kiss when neither of you could hold your breath any longer, but he didn't stray far, as he nipped at your jaw. "Va bene per te piccola?"

Terzo continued to rock his hips at a deadly pace, making you want more and more of him, "Sì, Papa, molto bene." His heart absolutely beamed when you spoke Italian to him, only pushing him to snap his hips faster.

He always knew exactly how to please you, his throbbing member scraping against that sweet spot inside you over and over again. It doesn't take long after his fingers find that little bundle of nerves at your core that you fall over the edge; the only word on your lips is his name.

"Brava ragazza, una brava ragazza per tuo Papa," his praises making your heart swell for him.

"Ti amo, Papa," you mutter, bones turned to mush as he continues to careen against that soft spot inside you, "Ti amo, Terzo."

"Ti amo, il mio amore... Forever," he pants hotly, right in your ear, "Tesoro, I don't think I can hold on any longer." He groans loudly.

Without hesitation, you grant him permission, practically begging him to finish inside you. His hips halt for a moment before evenly rocking them back and forth, letting out a needy whine, riding out his orgasm.

He relaxes on top of you, laying his head on your chest and lacing his fingers with yours.

"Amore," Terzo starts, looking up at you through his lashes.

"Hm?" you ask, a silly grin on your face as you twirl a strand of his soft hair in your fingers.

"I know you won't forget me."

You knit your eyebrows together, confusion washing over you.

"You shouldn't be afraid to be with him, I know you'll never forget me. Remember, tesoro, I told you not even Lucifer himself could keep me from you. I live on in here," he says, putting his hand over your heart.

"Terzo- I-" you feel the lump forming in your throat, making it hard to speak.

"You need each other. Maybe more than two people have 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 needed one another. He teeters on the edge of madness, and I'm afraid without you, it would topple the scales. Take care of him, soothe his soul, just as you did with me." He leans up leaving kisses on your forehead and eyes.

When your eyes flutter open again, you're outside. You look around taking in Primo's garden.

"Come, bella," Terzo stands next you offering you hand to help you up, "let's play a game like we used to."

He gives you a shit eating grin before running off, into the maze of bushes and shrubs. Both laughing hysterically, you chase after him, following the well known paths. As he turns a corner, you lose sight of him, but you won't give up so easily as you press on to catch up with him. Trailing just behind him, you reach out only brushing his waist for a moment before he peels away from you again. He turns the corner to your old hiding spot with you hot on his trail.

As you reach the clearing, he's nowhere to be seen. You realize you're the only one still laughing. Just like that, he was gone.

You drop to your knees, that empty feeling creeping in all too quickly...

• • •

"Tesoro?" You hear Copia call your name, "mia cara, are you there?"

You crack your eyes open slowly, "Co- Copia?" you breathe out, voice raspy.

"Hi! Hey. There she is," he attempts to sound cheery but clearly he is worried out of his mind. He cups your cheeks and places a hand to your forehead, making sure you didn't have a fever.

"Wh-where am I?" you glance around at the all white everything. The bed you're on is cozy but certainly not homey.

"The infirmary, cara," he chuckles nervously, "You gave us quite the fright."

"What happened?"

He doesn't want to worry you with the details, but he knows you won't rest until you have answers. "Well the morning after the party, you didn't show up to breakfast, which isn't like you, Stellina, so a few Ghouls and I looked all over for you. You weren't in your room and it wasn't until someone-" he stopped suddenly, clearly choking up.

"Someone heard you screaming in the gardens," a cold voice supplied. You turn slowly to see Sister Imperator standing opposite Copia.

"I was in the gardens?" you ask, turning back to Copia.

"Sì... In that little clearing you took me to. You, uhhh, you were screaming for Terzo. Cara, I've never seen anything like it. It was like you were in a ritual trance, I didn't know you'd practiced communing with the Dark Lord before."

"I, uhhh, I haven't."

You and Copia both look equally shocked, but not wanting you to be stressed, he insists on you relaxing the rest of the afternoon. And of course, despite the nurses working in the care ward, Copia stays right by your side, sending various Ghouls to get whatever you need. It really is probably overkill, you are just a little dehydrated, after all.

Not needing to stay in the infirmary for more than a day, Copia has you moved back to your room, insisting you need bed rest and lots of fluids. "Take the day off, amore, the week if you need it, it's my turn to handle Seestor after all," he chuckles, helping you into bed. He looks around to make sure you have snack, water, medicine; you can tell he's getting ready to return to his duties.

"Papa," you reach out, grabbing a couple of his fingers.

"Sì, piccolina?"

"Stay with me? Just for a little while," your eyes practically beg him. You'd been craving some proper alone time with your Papa.

His face softens and he begins to sit down on the edge of the bed, but you pull him towards you, urging him to lie down with you. He obliges, facing you, draping an arm over your waist, and you do the same to him.

"Copia..." you whisper to him, not even really sure what you wanted to talk about.

"Yes, dolcezza?"

That triggered it, and before you could stop yourself you blurted out, "Did you sleep with that girl?"

"La ragazza from the party? No, Stellina," his lips pull slightly into a frown, accentuated by his face paint.

"Oh... I was hoping it went well," you lie.

"Topolino," his tone disappointed, "do not start being dishonest with me now, after all these months."

𝘋𝘢𝘮𝘯𝘪𝘵. 𝘏𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭.

"I'm sorry, Papa, I just-" you look up at him, making him drop the stern look he had, "I don't want to hold you back."

"Amore, you could never hold me back, you do nothing but support me, lifting me up when I need it most." His free hand finds yours to draw shapes on the back of your hand with his thumb. You look down at his hand, then carefully move to lace your fingers with his. Feeling the warmth of his hand through his leather glove, the butterflies swarm in your stomach; a feeling you hadn't felt in a long time, but unmistakable nonetheless.

Copia lets out a small sigh, silence washing over you both as your minds race; thoughts ranging from "I like this, I want this, I want 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦" to "What if this ruins what we have?" to "What if I'm not ready to move on?"

Always knowing the exact right thing to do, Copia leans forward, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead, and it immediately quieted down the noisy chatter happening in there.

"Get some rest, mia dolce Sorella," he commands, sitting up next to you. "We still have much to discuss, but don't you worry your pretty little head over it." He accents his point by gently scratching at the crown of your head. You knew aside from your newly forming feelings, Copia still wanted to know what the hell happened to you the other night.

"Yes, Papa. Now, you should go back to your office before Imperator blows a fuse," you lean up too kiss his cheek then whisper, "or I may keep you here all to myself..."

If it weren't for his paint, you were fairly sure his cheeks beamed bright red.

• • •

Days go by before you see him again. Pulled in every possible direction, he simply has too much on his plate between rehearsals and the mountain of work that had backed up over months of not being in the office. Plus Sister Imperator fired his assistant and reassigned her to your office... Seems like a strange decision considering how much pressure Papa is under.

When your lunch break rolls around, you decide to order take out, ordering a little extra for Copia, knowing he often works through meals when he gets his mind set on something.

Lightly tapping on his door, food cartons in tow, your hear him grumble something before yelling, "Come in!" in a not so nice tone.

Pushing the door open, you let him know, "I'm sorry, Papa, if it's a bad time, I can just drop this off and leave."

"Cazzo, Satanas, Sorella. I'm sorry I thought you were- ...someone else." You could tell he meant Sister Imperator. "Please, make yourself comfortable wherever you can."

You scan the room to see piles of books and papers and files and folders everywhere on nearly every surface. Even one half of the couch had a few stacks of documents. "Goodness, Copia, are they trying to work you to death?!"

"I suppose so, Stellina," he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well..." you start, needing a minute to think, "okay, here's the plan: you take a break, we sit down and eat, and after we get our bellies full, I'll stay here and help you sort through some of this."

"Mia cara, you don't have to do that." You could read the appreciation on his face though as he twirled a small strand of your hair between his fingers; he really needs the help.

"I don't have to, but I want to. You don't deserve to be stuck in this office burning the candle at both ends."

His hand moves to your cheek, "Grazie, cara, you always know exactly what I need."

Forcing him to sit back in his chair, you take a long pause to stand behind him and rub his shoulders, causing him to let out a nearly inappropriate groan. At the sound of your giggle, he questions you jokingly, "You think your Papa's tension and pain are funny, Sorella? Watch yourself... I may have to punish you." Then it's his turn to giggle as your cheeks heat up at that remark.

Out of the corner of your eye, something catches your attention swishing past his office door, but you don't let on to it, not wanting to worry him further. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘺 𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘵, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘺𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬.

You push the thought from your mind and instead move to distract yourself and Copia with food. And boy is it delicious! It's just what you both need.

As promised, after lunch, you hop right to work helping him organize ALLLLL the papers, which ends with you sitting on the floor, sorting things into neat piles.

"Sorella, I never would've thought to sort things out in this way, but it makes so much sense." He saunters over to you, placing a hand on top of your head, like a pet.

"Maybe now you'll be able to chip away at all this a little faster," you smile up at the man towering over you.

"Sister!" Imperator's voice boomed from Copia's office door. "Your lunch ended hours ago! We have a lot of work to get done before Yule next week!"

"She 𝘪𝘴 working, Seestor," Papa defends you.

"What? By playing in the floor like some toddler? C, don't let this girl distract you."

You can tell he wants to remark on the informality of her using his nickname.

"I'll have you know, Sister Imperator," his tone stiffer than normal as he used her whole name, "She's implementing the organizational system used in your offices. The one she came up with, and I think it will be a great help to me, especially seeing as I lack an assistant now. I believe it's in the ministry's best interest if their 𝘗𝘢𝘱𝘢 is able to work as efficiently as possible."

𝘖𝘰𝘰𝘩! 𝘏𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘫𝘢𝘣 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦! You can't help but silently root him on.

"Unless, Seestor, there is some reason I'm being held up in every way possible?" his eyes lock on hers as he stands protectively in front of you, still in your spot on the floor.

"What are you implying, Copia?" she practically spits back at him; he's onto her, and it's making her nervous.

"I'm not implying anything. It's the hellsent truth. We have more work than ever after I was out for so long, and I am getting less and less help. It keeps me right where you want me: in this office, closed off from the ones I'm 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 to be leading, offering guidance to."

You had never really heard him speak this way. He's suddenly almost... Cold? Confident in a different kind of way. You can't quite place your finger on it, you just hope you're never on the receiving end of it.

Imperator opened her mouth to speak but was quickly cut off. "Sorella in here will be my new assistant. She's supported me more than anyone since the passing of my Prime Mover, and I'll not have her disrespected anymore. Not by going back to that office, and certainly no longer by you."

Your eyes go wide at the last part, along with Sister Imperator's. "I understand, Papa. As you wish," was all she replied before leaving you both.

Closing the door and pressing his back to it, Copia chuckles nervously, "I can't believe I just spoke to her like that." His eyes lingered on the floor before tracing their way up your form. "But it needed to be said..."

"Papa... I," you let out a shaky breath; you are so proud of him and honored by the way he defended and complimented you, but also made nervous by the whole situation. "Papa, I hope you know I didn't start doing all this just to get a promotion."

Copia's face broke a smile with breathy laughter as he got on his knees in front of you, looking you straight in the eyes. "Of course you didn't, topolino," he presses a kiss to your cheek. "But you take care of me better than anyone I know. I'll be stronger with you by my side."

If your chest wasn't overflowing with emotions and your eyes weren't filled with tears, you would've taken him right there on the floor, dealing with damn papers later. But for now, you just let him hold you as your eyes wander over him, his torso, his shoulders, those wild mismatched eyes you could never get used to. Not with Terzo, not with him.

Delicately, like you would break him, your hand snakes up to his hair, combing back the gray locks on his temples. Gently, you close the small space between you, finally taking comfort in those lips over the course of several long, chaste-for-the-most-part kisses.

You both pull away before things can progress any further; at this point, you were used to waiting. Eyes still closed, you hear Copia call your name. "Seestor reminded me... Would you like to accompany me to the Yule Ball, amore?"

You can't help but laugh; after that whole heated thing, all he could think about was spending Yule with you. "I'd love to, tesoro."

Once again blushing under his paint at you finally using a pet name on him, in Italian no less, he wraps you in his arms, nuzzling his nose to yours, "Okie dokie."

• • •

Before the night of the big dance, you spent the evening pampering yourself. You drew a nice bath, did a face mask, styled your hair just the way you like, put on a little makeup.

You were just stepping into your gown as your hear rapping at your door. It's a beautiful deep purple gown made for you in your Prime Mover days, and boy did it make you and Terzo look like a pair! He adored purple; you weren't sure exactly the last time you'd worn it, but you were sure it ended up on the floor quickly after Terzo got you alone.

"Just a minute!" You quickly slide the gown up and into place at your waist then sliding your arms through the proper holes. Clutching the dress, hanging loose, against your chest, you scurry over to your door to see who was waiting.

"Buona sera, amore mio."

None other than Copia, of course, but he isn't Copia this evening; tonight, he is Papa Emeritus IV. He steps into your small quarters, looking far too regal to being here. Dressed in full papal regalia, the silky blue robes and bejeweled mitre making him look larger than life.

"Oh, Papa... You look so nice." You're practically breath-taken.

"Nonsense. I pale in comparison to you, Stellina," he steps towards you, noticing your hand still holding your gown in place. "May I?" A hand on your hip urges you to turn, other hand carefully sliding the gown's zipper up your spine. He stands behind you in your dusty little mirror, his ceremonial gloves, beautifully adorned with golden bones, rest on your hips with his fingertips tickling at the top curves of your thighs.

"Assolutamente sorprendente..." It comes as a whisper before he presses a kiss to your shoulder. You like the portrait painted on the looking glass in front of you. If there was one thing you could change, it would be that you wished you had a blue gown to match his vestments; though you suppose your violet fabric against his blue silk is a reminder that you've belonged to two great men.

"Copia... Do you think they'll ever let us be together?" The question falls out of you suddenly.

"Who?? Who wouldn't let us be together, mia cara?" He whips you around to face him as if you were in trouble for asking that question, but his face reads nothing but concern.

"Well, I guess Sister Imperator mainly... And then there's the clergy. Are they going to let you take a second Prime Mover, especially one who belonged to another Papa?? And then there's the ministry... your followers, your fans. What if they get jealous that someone took their Papa? What if they don't like me because I took someone else's shot at being the PM when I already had my turn? What if-"

Copia cuts you off, your name leaving his lips like he's just been knocked in the chest. "You've thought about being my Prime Mover?"

That's when you realize you said the quiet part out loud. 𝘖𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘔𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘥𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘺. 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵? "I know this is all new for us, Cope, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want more."

"Mia bella ragazza, it seems you want 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵," he says, attempting to be suave, but it does pull a laugh from you regardless. He cups your cheek in his gloved hand "Dagli tempo, amore mio, avrai tutto quello che vuoi e anche di più." His hands thread through your hair, pulling you into a fiery kiss that simply wasn't long enough. "Speaking of time, I must be going, Sorella. The clergy will be expecting me. I'll leave Aether with you, sì? No one as bellissima as you should enter the Ball empty handed. I wouldn't want someone to think they could take you from me..."

He presses one more kiss to your lips before turning to exit, leaving you reeling at his words.

• • •

The Yule Ball is buzzing already. Siblings and Ghouls pour into the ballroom, already tipsy on eggnog and spiked hot chocolate, chatting and laughing, and a few even dancing to the light music that played as you all await Papa Emeritus IV. You were grateful to have Aether with you, giving you company in the flood of people. In fact he's oddly tame considering the amount of attention some of his fellow Ghouls are gathering; he must be on orders from Copia to be on his best behavior.

The energy is simply electric as everyone hardly pays attention to Sister Imperator's opening speech. It had been a rough year for everyone; they all need the release the Yule celebration can offer.

When Papa steps onto the stage in his ceremonial garb, the whole place erupts with applause, shouts, and a few lewd whistles. You see that familiar look of pride well up in him; not pride for himself, no, pride for the ministry, the church, everyone who worked so hard to spread the Olde One's message. "Good evening, my children. Multa Yule beneficia omnibus. How are we tonight, eh?"

He absolutely dazzles the crowd, everyone hanging on his words of praise for their devotion and support this year. He chokes up a bit mentioning the trials and tribulations he and everyone had faced this year, you knew he would, but a few Ghouls cheering their love for their Papa perked him back up and he made it through. Keeping his sermon brief, Copia just wants everyone to have a good time; they all deserve it.

As Papa moves onto the ballroom floor, he's swarmed by ministry members all wanting to dance with him, but he always handles a crowd well. Offering several of them a quick spin and kiss on the cheek, they swoon over him, and this time, it didn't make you the slightest bit jealous; you know who he has eyes for. A few couples even brought their kiddos over to meet Papa, watching him quickly bless a couple of babies then hold a young girl on his hip, "dancing" with her made your heart feel like it may burst. He doesn't realize how adorable he is with that sweet smile on his lips as he greets his congregation.

A tap on the shoulder catches your attention. Aether holds out his hand, clearly an offering to dance with him, perhaps trying to distract you from staring at Copia. You giggle at him before taking his hand. He wasn't the best dancer, but rocking back and forth, slowly spinning did allow you to get a chance to look the room over. The event committee did a great job with this one: handcrafted swags made from evergreen, holly leaves, and berries hung between each stained glass window, with golden bells cascading out from the base of each one; spreads of candles everywhere in black, dark green, and gold; they had even adorned the Renaissance-style painted ceiling with twinkling lights, a beautiful representation of the Winter solstice night sky.

"Ahem, Aether," Copia's voice lightly commands over your shoulder, "may I cut in?"

"Of course, boss," Aether quickly straightens up, releasing you from his grip as he wipes his palms against his vest.

Copia lets out a chuckle as his hands comes to rest on your waist. "Sorella," he whispers just behind your ear, as Aether disappears into the crowd, "I have a very important question for you."

"Yes, Papa?"

His hand glides around the small of your back as he dramatically walks around to meet your eyes, hand now gripping your other hip. He looks just as stunning as he had in your room an hour ago, but it's only enhanced by the ambient lighting, the gemstones and metals on his mitre and gloves absolutely sparkling.

He bows deeply, lowering his head until he's eye-level with your waist. This catches the attention of everyone nearby, as Papa bows for no one, especially in his formal wear. Looking up at you as if you're the only thing in the room that exists, he asks very simply, "May I have this dance?"

It's a very public display that lets everyone know his intentions. You could only imagine that Imperator must be fuming, but your attention is fully ensnared by the man in front of you. "Of course, Papa, it would be an honor."

He slowly moves back up, eyes clearly drinking in the curves of your body, "It is I who should be honored, principessa."

𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦. 𝘚𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘭𝘺.

Suddenly, his arm snakes around your midsection and pulls you tight against him, a twinkle in his eyes as you start dancing together. This dance is much more energetic than it had been with Aether; Copia wastes no time in taking you out on the floor, twirling you in his arms, leading you gracefully. You remember being impressed with his moves back when he was a Cardinal in the way he would enthusiastically move against whomever he may have been courting at the time; no one had expected such a performance from the shy awkward man in his cassock and biretta, and you certainly never thought you'd get to experience it firsthand.

In one final move, he spins you away from him, arms outstretched between you, before he stops and cracks a grin at you before breaking into a few of his stage moves, "ass wobbling" as he calls it. It elicits a great deal of laughter from you, then he saunters back over to you, scooping you back into a kiss, like you were in a movie or something. You get a peek at the chandelier above his head, spotting the mistletoe hanging there. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘺 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘥. You could almost roll your eyes at how corny he could be, 𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵, but it's hard to think of anything when his lips are against yours.

It's only when a group of Copia's closest Ghouls start hooting and hollering that you recall that you are in fact surrounded by most of the ministry. As Papa stands you back up and turns to hush his Ghouls, your face colors bright red, realizing almost everyone was watching that little display. You notice a few envious eyes cutting daggers at you.

"Come, mia cara," the man offers his hand to you once again, this time for an escape. As you rush from the room, embarrassment is quickly replaced with excitement. You and Copia run hand in hand through the halls of the ministry, laughing at what you aren't really sure, but you don't stop until you get outside to the walkway overlooking the courtyard.

The cloister is always beautiful at night, the gargoyle

s casting shadows that looked like demons, and the tall arches allowing a perfect view of the stars, but keeping one dry if it happened to be raining. It also always had a nice breeze, which on a night like this, the longest night of the year, chilled you right to the bone.

"Here, principessa, take this," Copia says, unclipping the top layer of his vestments.

"Oh, no no no, I couldn't take that. It would be inappropriate," you argue.

"Stellina, it is only cloth, and I won't have you freezing your plump little ass off out here." His word is final as he drapes the beautifully embroidered chasuble over your shoulders.

𝘖𝘩, 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘴𝘴?

After clipping up the chasuble, Copia wraps his arms around you for an added layer of warmth and leans you against the waist-high wall behind you.

"Mia cara, you look beautiful against the stars like this." He brushes a piece of hair behind your ear, seemingly one of his favorite things to do to you.

"You look very handsome yourself, Papa," you admire him, running your hands over the blue silk that now runs up to his shoulders, no longer covered by the chasuble.

"You still call me Papa after all this time," he points out.

"Well, I didn't want anyone to think I was getting special treatment..." You practically stare a hole in his chest.

"Stellina," he lifts your chin to meet his gaze, "I don't think you were fooling anyone."

Your cheeks start to flush, whether from the cold or the intimacy of the moment you aren't sure.

"You know, Copia..." Tears start to well up in your eyes at that... dream? hallucination? memory? You weren't sure what to call it. "Terzo... He, uhhh..."

"Tesoro, if you don't want to do this because of him... Well, I'll know I've missed out, but I'll understand. I could never dream of replacing him; his shoes are much too big too fill."

"No, Copia!" you whine, tucking yourself into his chest, "That's not what I was going to say." You pause for a moment, collecting yourself. "Terzo came to me that night I went missing. I don't know how to explain it... It felt so real. But he told me that we needed each other, and that I should take care of you."

"I know, amore, I had a similar dream that night. It was perhaps 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 than yours however. I saw my dear Prime Mover, holding our child in her arms, and she reassured me that they were being taken care of. They had all of the opulence and prosperity that Satan promises his followers. I just 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 that I couldn't give it to them-" His eyes turn dark, and for the first time, you understand what Terzo may have meant about Copia going mad.

You gently reach up, gracing your fingertips over Copia's lips and chin, bringing him back to reality. Your face soft but concerned as you search for the soul behind those mismatched eyes.

As if you're some sort of grounding force, he stiffens up, inhaling sharply as he looks down at you; a tear rolls down his cheek as he chokes out your name followed by, "I do need you. I need you so much, cara." His lips hit you like a wave, crashing down on you wherever he can make contact: lips, cheeks, nose, jaw.

With both of yours and his emotions running high, it's easy for the sadness and grief to cradle itself away inside, while new feelings make their way to the surface. His tongue urgently finds it's way into your mouth, as your fingers card into his ashy brown locks, knocking the mitre to the ground. It's heady and desperate, but it's exactly what you both need.

As he nips at your neck, tongue tracing various shapes over the sensitive skin there, his strong arms lift you to sit on the cloister wall, drawing a gasp from you. As if your arms didn't have enough of a hold on him, your legs locked around his hips, pressing him close to you--but not close enough. It felt like you could fall over that wall with him and dive head-first into pleasure; it's exhilarating.

One hand roughly rips open the snaps on the chasuble that had been keeping you warm, leaving it cascading down the wall. Certainly preoccupied as his lips search yours again, you aren't even sure how he got the blue underlayer of his vestments off, but it left him in a stunning little combo: black jeans, black skirt with billowing sleeves, and a tight little vest. How that man wore so many clothes you didn't understand, but you didn't care, as long as they came off.

His gloved hands scratched up your thighs, pushing the hem of your gown up. With your arms already locked around his shoulders, he asks, "Ready, baby?" before sliding your weight off the wall and onto his waist before he quickly carries you in the direction of his chambers.

It's nothing short of miraculous that you make it back to the room without bumping into anything or knocking any expensive sculptures over, seeing how Copia was pretty much navigating blind; his lips hardly leaving yours for a second.

Inside the cozy suite you'd come to know so well, even growing to like it the way Copia had it decorated, he flops you both down on the little sofa you'd had so many chats on. Hands on his chest and legs on either side of him, you shift to get more comfortable when you find his sex with yours. You both groan against each other's mouths, desire growing to become unbearable. Your fingers work his shirt and his vest open as your hips gently grind down, searching for that sweet sensation again.

Papa's mouth leaves you with a pop as he gasps for air; his eyes are dark again, but this time for an entirely different reason: you. Having you is the only thought on his mind as his hands fumble for the zipper on your back. His lust-blown eyes devouring each new inch of skin exposed to him as your dress hits the floor.

"Satanas, mia bella, your Papa Terzo was a lucky man," he mumbles as he presses a string of kisses to the tops of your breasts. "You could make the Dark Lord himself blush in this little number."

You cradle him against your chest as his flattery pulls a giggle from you, "Keep talking like that and you'll get lucky too, Papa."

He groans happily at the sound of that, his hands cupping at your lacy bra.

"Oh, so now you like being called Papa?"

"When you are dressed like this, sì, call me whatever you like, mia principessa." He looks up at you, strands of hair falling out of place, chest exposed as his shirt falls off his shoulders, his lust evident against his jeans; he looks like debauchery personified.

"What if I call you mine, huh?" Your boldness surprises you, but you roll with it.

"Hmmm... Okie dokie. Papa is all yours... to do with as it pleases you, topolino." Now, that last part makes you blush, but you don't hesitate to start loosening the laces on his pants. With the laces undone, you untuck the tail of his shirt from the tight demin, allowing his erection to spring free.

Your fingers gently grace over the shaft, eliciting a shaky breath from Copia. You both look at each other like nervous teenagers for a moment; it has been a while for you both. He leans forward and delicately kisses you, and it was the push you needed to fall over the edge with him. Your hand grips him with more confidence, bobbing up and down, while his moans are muffled against your lips.

His nimble fingers drift under the edge of your panties, teasing at the lace on your hip before gliding to circle the damp cloth over your clit. You match his noises, a blissful harmony filling the room. The sensation is only heightened when his fingers push the lace aside to slide into your slick folds. 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴? You pull away from his lips to let out a whine as he teases your entrance, and a hiss escapes Copia as you tighten your grip on his dripping member.

"Copia," you gasp, "Papa, I need you."

"Cara-"

"Right now, Papa, I need you right now," you demand, head thrown back as you grind against his fingers. "And please don't say 'Okie dokie.'"

"You took the words out of my mouth, bella," he gives a half-smug half-goofy smile while he pulls your hips closer to him.

Letting him pull your panties aside, hooking them on that plump ass he remarked on earlier, you line up over him, impatiently taking him. As the tip enters you with that delicious pop, you both attempt not to buck your hips. You both fail. His arm snakes around your waist, urging you down onto him. It really is a desperate sight; you hadn't even properly gotten either of your clothes off, yet you still seek to become one.

Slowly seating yourself fully on his length, Copia calls out your name, "Ti amo, tesoro, così tanto, da così tanto tempo... Ti amo tanto." It came like one of his chants during Mass, like it was well practiced, like he couldn't wait to recite it.

You cup his cheeks, holding the the last bit of resolve he has, "I love you, too, Copia." Your hands slide down to his shoulders which help stabilize your movements on top of him. Instantly his hips move up into yours, matching your rhythm in a delightful way.

The antipope's hands reach up, sliding your bra straps off your shoulders to free your breasts, and his mouth quickly starts to work on your budding nipples while one of his hands reunites with the bud between your thighs. "Voglio adorarti, mia dea. Ti farò piacere. Prendi il mio seme come offerta."

That stream of Italian has your head soaring through the clouds; the hand holding a death grip in his hair might be the only thing that keeps you from derailing. How he could manage to press every button you had all at the same time is beyond you, all you know is that it has you barreling towards your orgasm faster than anything you've ever experienced.

Suddenly, Copia pushes you off of him, your back landing on the sofa. He hungrily pulls your panties off and lines back up with you, filling you again in an instant. Instinctively, you want to wrap your legs on his hips, but Papa has other plans. He hooks his hands behind your knees, holding them straight up and squeezing your thighs together as he relentlessly pounds into you. This has you screaming his name within seconds as the head of his cock drags over that sweet spot inside you over and over and over again.

The feeling is so overwhelming, you can't stop the wave of your release from crashing over you, "Oh, Satanas, Copia, I'm coming!" Your eyebrows contort and your jaw relaxes while your thighs shake violently beneath him. The sensation causes his hips to stutter, and as he finds a shallow but steady movement, you know he's reached his end as well.

A warm sensation fills you as he gives you his offering, just as he'd promised moments ago.

His hips continue to buck, riding you both through your climaxes. He lets your legs go weak, gently letting them down to either side of him as his movements come to a halt. He finally shrugs his shirt and vest from his arms then carefully pulls out to lay next to you on the scant little couch, but he holds on tight so you don't fall off. Propped up on one arm, his eyes observe all of your details: the flush of your cheeks, the marks he left on your neck and collarbone, the way your chest rises and falls as you try to calm your breathing. Everything about you looks perfect in his opinion.

Copia grabs your bra, which has just fallen around your waist at this point, turning it so the fastening is in the front, and he makes quick work of discarding it. "We did this a little out of or order, sì?" he chuckles.

"I wouldn't have had it any other way, amore mio," you lean up to kiss his nose.

"No one has been blessed more than me this Yule, Stellina. I'm grateful for it, and for you." Before his blush becomes too evident, he leaves you, only for a moment to retire to the big bathroom connected to his bedroom. He returns wearing a big soft robe, with one just like it thrown over his shoulder for you, as well as a warm washcloth.

Soft as kisses, he smooths over all of your love bites, calming the red wounds; he then wipes away any proof of your love making before bundling you up for a long night of cuddles and sweet nothings. Maybe even another round... Or three.

[markatoto]

you're one of the few of my fav streamers i actually get to watch live due to timezones which i appreciate you for. but, i also wish you'd treat yourself better and end your streams earlier

i super appreciate this anon, this is definitely very very real. i actually had a discussion about this to my friends late last night concerning my workload of streams and the particularly unhealthy habits ive developed as a (for lack of better term) "endurance" streamer. it's tough because it is like... my main source of income, so i do often find that i have to stream A LOT in order to make ends meat. most times i find that when i am streaming for like 7 hours+ i am just Having Fun with the game im playing and i tend to lose track of time, but if you notice that the past several weeks theres been a noticeable uptick of my streaming days since late august-early september. i'm going to speak real here so be fore-warned: i do not make a lot of money as a streamer. i dont think anyone does. in today's climate, i am making Just Enough to pay my bills, rent, and groceries. as long as that minimum threshold is being met, im usually quite happy to continue on with what i do. however, for me, entertaining people online with funny streams has never been about the monetary value of it all. since day ONE, it's never been. but, speaking as an adult who lives alone in a big city, it's also an unfortunate reality that i have to bring to the forefront. it's why the rent/bills tip bar is on the screen so often. honestly, it kind of bums me out to bring it to the forefront so often, but that's a conversation for another day. however, i am definitely afraid that if i am not Streaming Enough, then i won't be able to make my monthly rent and bills. that is not to say that i dont enjoy streaming or that i am unhappy with my current schedule (quite the opposite, i love streaming a little TOO much LOL) - every day i thank the stars in the sky that i get to do what i REALLY want to do in this day and age. but, i guess the problem i'm having is just striking that balance. i really dont give myself a lot of time for a break and, to say that i am on the cusp of burning out is... not to far off from the truth. i do want to make it abundantly clear however: i am currently NOT in burn out mode, but i'm sure the worry is that i will eventually reach that point sooner than later, yeah? anyways, just a couple of thoughts to think about while i write out this whole thing. i'm okay, i will be doing okay, and for the foreseeable future, i will be fine. if anything, if you are worried: the best thing yall could do is just show up for the streams and have fun! that's all i could ever ask. as long as youre having fun, thats all that matters to me. if you laughed and clapped and enjoyed yourselves in any of the stuff i do, then i super appreciate that! thank you!

[brb-on-a-quest]

Day Fourteen Day Fifteen Day Sixteen

im SOOOOO SORRY that I left you guys hanging those two days! *cries* the first one I genuinely forget, and the second I was too busy to do it- and I think that this is not the first time this might happen, since the farm (oh yeah, if you're not one of my regular followers, you should know I'm a farmhand lol) is picking up steam, during my down time Im trying to do more physical rest for my body to recover. which means unfortuantely, Ive been spending less time on here in general, and that my longer posts that take more time to write have had to pause for a while.

so, I'm sorry to say but this is the last day i'll be able to do this for a while, but maybe forever. I've had so much fun with it and loved to see everybody's different answers, and how we've all connected!! but for at least a few days/weeks, I need a bit of a break lol. if anyone wants to pick up this game again, with the same list of people I've given already or different ones, you are more than welcome to! and I'm not leaving Tumblr, I'm just not going to do this particular ask game anymore.

our final question: what is something that you you want in your life, and what can you do to achieve it? what steps do you need to take to earn the life you see yourself living?

thank all of you so much! I hope to return again maybe sometime! I wish you all the best :)

Awww no worries gracie! take care of yourself first. Def appreciate all the work it must've taken to come up with good questions. I'll be sure to haunt your inbox soon with hopefully some equally thought-provoking (or not) questions.

ok, actual question: our final question: what is something that you you want in your life, and what can you do to achieve it? what steps do you need to take to earn the life you see yourself living?

To be honest, this question has haunted me for the past...well since before high school. (has it really been almost 10 years since I was a baby highschool freshman?). To be also perfectly honest, my depression and anxiety were so bad I was never convinced I would make it as far as I did... which allowed me to put off answering the question for a long while until the Hour of College Applications approached.

Well, against all previous conceptions of my future, I am still alive and about to graduate in December (literally how) and set to walk across the beautiful stage in May to get my undergrad diploma with some kind of academic honors (I forget the Latin for it). Definitely not the highest GPA, but I am relatively proud of myself considering the effort and, for lack of a better phrase, blood, sweat, and tears that have gone into this. So, steps that need to happen in order to graduate

Pass classes (Preferably with A's but I'm also in a position where hopefully my self-esteem won't die with a B or 2).

Write and Finish my thesis (shaking crying throwing up I don't have enough capacity for this even if it's only 15 pages in Spanish)

Study and hopefully pass a GRE (graduate school readiness exam I think? 'cuz I'm told it's a good idea for master's school applications I can not stress enough how much I hate standardized tests and am so anxious about this that I haven't even opened my books yet, I've just been throwing myself into thesis research instead; I 'know not all schools require this but I'm going into something that's not my major, so I feel some kind of need to prove myself).

Apply to graduate schools for counseling!

Only four things... it shouldn't be so bad.... one would think... (can I please just skip to the part where this is over why do people call college the best years of my life).

The other thing I want to work on is just being a better person and in particular a better friend. My goal is therapy, particularly pediatric therapy because it's such a neglected area where I'm from and also in general I think because there tends to be stereotypes of "oh children can't have mental health problems." but doing that means I want to develop more compassion, friendliness, and patience and gentleness and actual listening skills while being assertive...yk an environment that nurtures personal and other's growth. Which is really hard. Progress has been made but still more to go.

[icanntwrite]

Trigger warning ⚠️:mentions of suicide.

Was supposed to be Bruce wayne but changed it to lion el Johnson. It can be your faves too.

_______________

“I want to kill myself”

He sighs heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. "No. You won't"

“I'm not joking”

His voice was firm and controlled, but you could sense the anger bubbling underneath. "You will not.”

A pause hung in the air, a heavy silence filling the room. John's gaze sharpened further, his jaw tightened as he turned towards you

“Ive been feeling like that for a while”

"Feeling like that... How long?" he questioned, the words leaving him in a measured tone.

The air in the room seems to grow thicker as johns regards you. His expression hardens ever so slightly, the usual stoicism giving way to some measure of concern

“The past few months”

John's jaw clenches at your answer. It wasn't the first time he'd noticed your behavior changing, the subtle shifts in your demeanor. But to hear that you'd been feeling this way for so long...

His tone softens a bit, the edge of anger in his voice giving way to a hint of concern. "Why didn't you say anything?

“I ....i kind of pushed those thoughts away tried to distract myself from them…..I guess....i just can't see myself in the future”

John takes a step closer, his gaze never leaving yours. There was a mix of worry and understanding in his eyes. He knew all too well what it felt like to feel lost and uncertain about the future.

"What do you mean? You've got your whole life ahead of you, countless possibilities. You're smart, talented. You can achieve whatever you set your mind to”

“But i cant. Im stupid with adhd ,i owe my mom rent Money, no one will hire me”

"You are not stupid. You have a learning difference, yes. But you also have a lot of potential, if you'll just tap into it. And as for money... We can work that out. You're my friend. You're not going to be struggling for money while I'm around.”

A flicker of anger flashes across John's face. Not anger directed towards you, but towards the situations that you're dealing with. He takes a breath, composing himself before he speaks.

“I sorry i didn't notice your struggles for so long”

“Will you be here tomorrow”

John's gaze hardens a bit at that question, his voice laced with a quiet intensity,vigour and fire.

“ I will be here the day after that. And the day after that. Every day, every year, evey week . I'm not going to abandon you. Ever.I've been absent. But I'm going to make it up to you. I promise."

“Then ill be here too”

[sageofthestarz]

Just my very personal feelings after seeing the movie. Very minor spoilers. This is more a vent then anything? Idk I'm just very emotional and will probably delete this when I wake up

I'm not a person who cries easily, or even feels very strongly very often

Tonight I openly cried in public for the first time since I was a child.

I try very hard to keep a lot of my issues and mental health private besides my random small rants about random bullshit

But I've been in a horrible place these past few months and especially these past few weeks as my birthday gets closer and realize it's another year I've done nothing with and hate my situation and just where I'm at in life

Getting to sit in a theater and just be in the moment and to be acknowledged by a band I love so much even if it's just a general to everyone, that yeah.

Things aren't always going to be okay, but ya'know what. Right here. Right now. You're having fun. And things aren't always going to be good but that's not the point. The point is to enjoy the good.

His whole speech during if you have ghosts really just. Fuck.

I openly cried in a theater. That's the biggest breakthrough I think I've ever had regarding my trauma. I've gone through so much as a child I genuinely have not been able to feel openly or express anything in my own home let alone in public

I didn't feel panic, guilt or shame for crying for the first time ever.

I think that alone can say something.

I hate that I'll never get to see Papa IV live, but I'm going to cherish every since live performance I have

This band has made such an impact on my life in ways I never thought possible and in ways I don't feel particularly comfortable sharing online but it means so much to me

I'm sure my therapist is going to have a field day when I go back

I just. Things are going to be okay. I know they will. Maybe I just need to live in the moment mode and stop worrying about how much I regret and what my future holds.

And yeah I may have mascara running down my face, and I may be a mess but ya'know what. I don't care. I'm happy. For the first time in what feels like years I'm genuinely happy to be alive. To be where I am. To be able to enjoy things like this.

I know I won't ever be able to repay Tobias for anything. But I hope I can meet him some day just to say a thank you. Something.

But I think things are going to be okay now.

Not always.

But that's okay, because there's plenty of good to enjoy

[pigeonwhumps]

Hospital stay

Immortal Cannon Fodder masterlist

Taglist: @extrabitterbrain @wolfeyedwitch @whumpinggrounds @painful-pooch

Whumptember day 28: "I never should have let it come this far" | failed hero | hospital stay | begging for help

Set in the future, when Phoenix has been with Kai's team a while. After being kidnapped together and tortured for, Phoenix and Aaron have been rescued, Kai injured while doing so.

Joseph belongs to @i-eat-worlds, from their story Alex and Friends. Please go read it if you haven't yet!

1.5k

CWs: immortal whumpee, hero whump, caretaker turned whumpee, trans whumpee, mentions of superpower overuse, mentions of waterboarding and whipping, past torture, medical setting, coma, low self-esteem, self-degradation, wish to have committed self sacrifice, something that could potentially come across as a death wish but isn't, past self sacrifice, emeto, past temporary character death, past whump reveal (I guess? Idk how to label it)

Phoenix blinks back tears as they watch Aaron, still and silent in the medbay bed in front of them. He's lying on his stomach, trailing with monitors and IVs and all manner of medical equipment, swathed in bandages. They should've done better. They should be there instead of Aaron, but their stupid healing factor, their immortality that's been so useful in the past, means that he was the one who almost died.

It's not fair. He could've escaped if it wasn't for them. But they're stupid and they failed, and now people are worried about them, too.

"They're definitely out of the coma?" whispers Phoenix to the nurse currently taking Aaron's vitals.

"Yes. Just asleep now. They're safe, everyone is."

"It's my fault."

"No. No, it's not, kiddo."

"It *is*. They used me to control him, he could've, um, escaped. And to check they were right. If I'd died quicker then he would've been less hurt, I should've, um, I should've–"

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare talk about yourself like that."

Phoenix blinks, then bursts into tears. The nurse is so fierce.

"Why do you care? Aaron's yours, I got him hurt, you should–"

A hand falls onto their shoulder. "Do you think that after what we've seen of you over the past few years, how much you've helped, how much you've hurt, do you honestly think that we wouldn't care for you too?"

Phoenix cries. They watch Aaron's too-still body and they cry. Everyone else shouldn't care. But as they watch the nurse tend to Aaron, they can't bring themself to point it out again.

"You're sure they'll, um, they'll be okay?"

"Yes. He's recovering nicely. They should be awake in about six to twelve hours."

They're still too bandaged, too still, too too too, too little Aaron in there. Phoenix tries to comfort themself with the thought that he'll be awake soon, but it doesn't help much. What if he doesn't want to see them again? It's all their fault. They're a failure of a hero, a useless, stupid–

"Hey. Whatever you're thinking, that's enough. Joseph's sent you another cat meme if you want a distraction. Are you in pain?"

The answer is yes, everywhere still aches and hurts whenever they shift (and when they don't), but they can't say that. They know why the nurse is asking. But they're a waste of resources and they deserve this anyway.

"No, sir."

"Are you saying no because you really aren't in pain or because you don't want painkillers? I have standing orders from Aaron to remind you that, although you can of course refuse medication, it's perfectly fine to take painkillers or anything else and it's not a waste of resources."

"I'm, um, I'm okay without, sir," murmurs Phoenix, unsure whether they want the nurse to call them out on it or not. She sighs knowingly.

"Alright. Let me know if you need any. Do you want to see Joseph's cat meme?"

Phoenix nods. "Please. And, um, can I move over to Kai's bed? It's, um, it's his turn."

"Of course."

The nurse fetches Phoenix's phone and wheels them over to Kai's bed, then adjusts their saline IV.

"We'll start you off trying to drink again soon. No water for a while yet though."

Phoenix nods, feeling a burning shame. There's no physical reason they can't drink, they're fine. But mentally...

Mentally, they've spent too long without Kai or Aaron reassuring them on anything, and they didn't realise just how much they relied on that. They're useless on their own.

They clutch Mr Frosty to their chest, smiling weakly at Joseph's new message and making sure to reply. They barely see it, but they know now that he'll worry if they don't answer for too long.

It's their daily cat photo. They don't know what they ever did to deserve Joseph.

They slide their phone onto their lap and sink their chin down onto Mr Frosty's head, observing Kai. He's unconscious too, but a lot of that's because he overused his powers. The medics weren't worried about his unconsciousness so much as the stab wound.

Kai looks peaceful. Phoenix isn't sure if that's true.

They look between their two best friends and guilt wells up inside them. Guilt, and grief for something unknown, bubbling over like an old stone well, overflowing and unstoppable. They've both been hurt, everyone's been hurt, because of them.

"I wish I'd been tortured instead of Aaron," murmurs Phoenix, stroking Mr Frosty's fur. "He didn't deserve it. But it's partly so I wouldn't have to watch, so maybe that makes me selfish. What do you think, Mr Frosty?"

"Mr Frosty thinks you shouldn't be so hard on yourself," croaks a voice from the closest bed, and Phoenix looks up, heart in their throat, to see Kai squinting at them.

"Kai! You're awake! Oh." They press a small red button on the side of Kai's bed. "The nurse said to call if you woke."

"How long have I been out?" he asks weakly, as Phoenix helps him with a sippy cup of water.

"A few days? Not entirely sure," they reply quietly. "I was unconscious too for some of it."

Kai tries to sit up, a concerned look on his face, but he can't manage it. "Are you okay? I thought you'd be healing faster, what's wrong?"

"Dehydration, mostly. I'm fine." Kai's gaze flickers pointedly to the IV line in their arm and back, and they sigh. Can't Kai ever miss anything? "I'm... struggling to drink, after... well. It's simpler this way." Phoenix hesitates, and then reaches out a hand hopefully, laying it on top of Kai's uninjured one. Kai turns his own over and squeezes it gently.

Kai's hand is rough, and warm, and large, and it fills Phoenix with relief, to be able to hold it again.

"Where's Aaron? How are they holding up? I don't remember that well but I'm pretty sure they were in bad shape."

Phoenix's eyes dart to the next bed, and Kai struggles in another fruitless attempt to sit up.

"He... he, um, he took the last whipping for me. After everything else he took it, I don't know why, I'm, um, I'm immortal, I'd have been fine, but he– anyway, they're, um, they're out of the induced coma now. Asleep. They're healing. I've, um, been switching between you."

Phoenix is dreading the point where they have to find out exactly how bad things are, how much Aaron hates them now, but they know they deserve it.

"Okay. Phoenix? Firstly, being whipped and waterboarded counts as torture, yes, to you too. Stop being mean to yourself."

Phoenix frowns. "How do you, um, know about the waterboarding?"

Kai squeezes their hand. "They sent videos. To anyone who might care that they had you both. Our team, Joseph, Electrocus, Aisling and Gemma... and Aaron's parents and Alicia. Nobody's told you, huh?"

Phoenix shakes their head, but everything's muted, like they're underwater. They're drowning and they have no idea how to come up for air.

They understand why no-one would tell them. Everyone knowing... that's far too much for their mind to hold.

They gasp, trying to grasp onto something, anything, looking for a lifeline their mind can hold. Everyone knowing...

And they don't even know how much.

"My... my parents?"

"No idea. We haven't contacted them, they haven't contacted us. If they know they're not saying. But no-one can share either of your identities further."

Phoenix takes a deep breath, trying to steady themself. This means Aaron doesn't know either.

Of course he doesn't. Of course he wouldn't. He hasn't woken since the rescue.

"Stop, um, stop trying to reassure me when you were stabbed."

"Then stop claiming you weren't tortured."

"Wasn't bad torture."

They were experiments anyway. That doesn't count as torture.

There's footsteps from behind Phoenix and they cower down, throwing their arm above their head even though it'll do no good. He's going to hurt them, he's going to stretch their limits and kill them and hurt Aaron and–

"Easy. It's just me, I'm here to check on Kai, breathe."

Phoenix does so obediently, blood rushing past their ears still but seeing the medbay as if from miles away, someone in a white coat entering their field of vision.

"Hello Kai," the voice says warmly. "You're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Tell Phoenix there's no such thing as "not bad" torture."

"There isn't. But Kai, I asked about *you*."

"Thirsty, tired, sore. Not dying." He coughs. "What happened?"

"Let me check your vitals and monitors." There's a pause. Phoenix puts their head between their knees, trying to remember how to breathe. "You remember the rescue? Well, you got Phoenix and Aaron, but you had a dagger thrown in your back on your way out. You're damned lucky you were in wolf form. The healers patched you up, but you had a way to go on your own."

"And the others?"

"Lian's been in and out of sleep, Morfydd's in a sensory deprivation chamber, and Santhiya's recovering in a power-blocking room. You all overused your powers drastically, but you'll be okay."

The floor is mostly white with splatters of colour, swirling swirling splatter, and Phoenix throws up on the medbay floor.

[gurugirl]

Ive never been in a situation like this and don’t know how to navigate it. We’ve been friends for almost 2yrs. And it grew into something more and now we work together.

He’s always around me, protective of me, cares a lot about me and takes care of me. He’s always there when I need him and we’re in a friends with benefits situation. But we never had sex because I’m not ready (still a virgin) and he was ok with it. He never pushes me to do something I’m not comfortable with and said how if it isn’t him I end up with than whoever it is a “lucky man” We also live pretty close to each other, he’s practically my neighbor. So when he left for school in another state I still seen him when he would come to visit me and his family. He’s leaving again in a few months but promised that we’ll stay in touch just like before. And also talked about us in a future sense.

But I found out he’s dating someone for the past 4 months. I overheard a conversation he had with one of his best friends. He said “my girlfriend just texted me trying to come over to my place.” We were all hanging out as a group and so I confronted the friend since he’s also mines and he told me how long they were dating, but made me promise that I won’t tell the guy I like that it was him who told me. So after finding out, I obviously was upset and kept deciding to keep my distance from him. He thought I just didn’t feel good cause I was just recently sick and gave me space but would stop by my house to drop off food, tea, and medicine. Which further made me confused.

He would get jealous anytime I showed any interest in any other man and when he thought I liked another guy from our friend group he would start questioning me. “Do you like him?” “Would you give him a chance?” “Will you tell him about us?” And I would tell him that I didn’t like anyone and seen him as just a friend too. He always said “good I don’t want to lose you” Everyone who sees us interact wants us together. His parents, mines, our friends, coworkers, etc. And they always tease us and he’ll just smile my way or if i’m nearby he’ll hug me/kiss the top of my head.

I really really reallyyyyyy like him which he doesn’t know and under the impression I want things casual and see him as my best friend. I feel like he liked me too until I found out about his gf… I know I shouldn’t want him anymore after this but I do and can’t help but wonder if he actually liked me or just doing extra things just to keep me on the side? Or is it just a friendship? I know I could easily solve this by talking it out but I don’t want to admit that I liked him and fear the idea of him saying he didn’t feel the same and it was just sexual. Please help.

My only fear of telling him how I feel is that I know he’ll want a relationship and I’m not ready for that. Because I just recently started going to therapy to work on myself and my childhood trauma which he doesn’t know about. Now that I know he’s capable of cheating I don’t trust him as much anymore especially since i’m not ready for s3x. He still doesn’t know that I know he has a gf. He spends nearly every day with me which means he doesn’t see her that often and I don’t think anyone else really knows because I’m close with his family and they’ve never mentioned it.

What should I do?

My goodness! I can see how this is such a confusing situation for you hon oh wow!!

I feel like if you've been doing things with him "romantically" on any level (which is why you're saying friends with benefits I assume) and he's seeing someone else that just a big red flag. Also that he's such a close friend to you and hasn't told you he had a girlfriend? He's hiding it from you on purpose. That's pretty clear.

I'm also worried that he keeps trying to kind of keep you for himself (saying things like I don't want to lose you or getting a bit jealous maybe when you are talking to another guy) and talks about your future together, etc. He's keeping you around by saying/doing these nice things but also LYING to you. I think that's the big thing right there.

It could be that he's ready to start having sex and wants to explore that (so he's got himself a girlfriend) but truly does have feelings for you in the meantime. Unfortunately, the way he's gone about it (if this is the case) is totally gross. It's disrespectful to you and the girl he's seeing.

I'm not sure how old either of you are but it really sounds like you're just not on the same page as far as dating and sex go and if you're not ready to date or have sex and he is then that's fine! But he should have been up front with you about everything and tell you that he's got a girlfriend and one day when you're ready if you still like him and he's single then you two could see what happens within a relationship.

But as it is, he's not waiting around, which is fine but he's lying to you and cheating on his girlfriend. He sounds immature and unable to communicate things properly. You don't want to be with a person like him.

I can't tell you what to do or anything because only you have all the details here but if he means as much to you as you say I'd confront him. Tell him you found out he has a girlfriend and make it clear you're not telling him how you found out - because it really doesn't matter how you found out - tho he may try to focus on that and derail the convo or even gaslight you into telling him but don't allow that - tell him that the only thing that matters is to get the truth from him once and for all. But keep your bullshit radar up. You'll be listening to him explain why he did what he did all while having the knowledge that he's a liar so just keep that at the forefront of your mind. I only say that because he seems like someone that would try and sweet talk you or lie again to plead his case and make you feel bad for him. Guys like him are a dime a dozen. I've met them all. That's how I'd approach it.

Now you may not want to get closure or find out why he lied. Maybe you'd just be better cutting ties with him on some level. Keep him at a distance and start making contact sparse. If anything he may finally come to you to ask why and at that point you can tell him why (if you want).

Honestly this is too complex for me to give you truly helpful advice. Talk to your therapist about it. Perhaps this all fits in with your childhood trauma in some way and you might get some closure that way as well.

Good luck to you hon. If you want, I'd love to be updated when you figure something out or if you have anything new happen.

Just be wary of him, which it sounds like you already are. That's the best advice I can give.

xoxo

[fwob]

CAN I PLEASEE PLZ PLS GET UR FIC RECS DUDE (can i also rec one; poly philtatos (the most loved by far)

anything for you anon <3 sorry for taking . checks watch . two days .

under the cut cuz i have . A Few

PROJECT: ICARUS - aka the fic thats been absolutely rotting my brain for the past week . luffy dies at marineford except actually just kidding hes still alive but hes a marine pacifista / seraphim / human weapon now . oops ! please read it its so good the first 2 chapters are fucking BRUTAL

put your faith in what you most believe in - luffy gets sick . sabo's understandably worried . this ones a top contender for my fav op fic . i think abt this one CONSTANTLY

literally every taizi fic . yes all of them . i have read every single op fic theyve published . they're all bangers . no exceptions . but i will specifically recommend the previous fic , as well as this one , this one , this one , this one , and this one

wish by spirit and if by yes - sabo visits the whitebeards on revolutionary business . also a top contender for my fav op fic . i REALLY love this one the dynamic is SO good

i know you by the state of your hands - time travel shenanigans

breathe - luffy has a nightmare and an ensuing panic attack and law calms him down . they chat . VERY good i really like this one . the sequel is also good its linked on the fic

asl in red - this whole series is insane . it starts as like "shanks adopts ASL !!!" and then it just goes completely off the rails . like god whats going on . its great tho

ache in the rain (and remember the wounds) - luffy sees ghosts !

luffy's law - i dont know whats really going on in this fic but i fuck with it . will be incorporating multiple things from this fic into any modern au i make in the future

whatever you can still betray - ace has GOT to be a marine spy because nothing he says makes any fucking sense . i really love this one its so fun

finally i get to choose what's wrong (and what is right) - listen . 90% of the time i am FIRMLY against genderbending one character and nobody else . but like . im a fan of this one . also makino has a gun

si c'est un âme - your soulmate's first words to you are written on your body . luffy has 9 phrases on his back . i AM in fact a platonic soulmate enjoyer

blood song - post thriller bark zolu ...... ough

on brotherhood - ageswap , luffy is the older brother

code of misconduct - there's a set of written rules on the thousand sunny . VERY silly fic . very fun

hey, let's get lost (along the way) - luffy , ace , nami , and vivi get lost in alabasta . shenanigans ensue

i can't be selfless - garp invites aokiji to dawn island to help convince luffy to be a marine

god's emperor - shanks meets a young god . this was before 1044 actually like damn girl ur ON that shit

how it should have healed - the aftermath of some of luffy's various injuries

seven deadly sins - trafalgar law's new apartment is haunted by exactly seven (7) ghosts

chasing the remnants - sabo accompanies dragon to loguetown

little monsters - usopp and sanji get captured by marines

of dawn and dreams - i could not tell you what this series is about but its mostly shanks and buggy . its good tho

don't bury me with gold - WORLD NOBLE SABO ....... oughhh this one is so good . i think abt it a lot

sun over the horizon - luffy gives his crew some much-needed affection after a battle

take a step in mine - on their way out of marineford , luffy collapses a little bit earlier . it changes some things

spin a yarn - time travel shenanigans . this whole series makes me completely and utterly insane . read it now

over the course of a day - worlds worst roadtrip

greatest gift of all - luffy is 10 years younger than his brothers

two and a half pirates - luffy is 16 years younger than his brothers

unsinkable - the ocean is luffy's mother . ive seen like 3 different fics with this concept but this one is my favourite

three years, give or take - time travel shenanigans , except it's ace this time

hide the knives - after ace joins the whitebeards , shanks drops by for a party

beginning the next dream - time travel shenanigans . there's a reason it's the most kudosed op fic

make a choice (turncoat hero) - garp accidentally becomes a pirate . whoops !

boy with a scar - luffy vanishes after sabo dies and shows up 4 years later with a slave brand . what kind of man would i be if i didnt include boy with a scar . i love this one a lot

in which higuma doesn't get drunk, even though he really, really wants to - time travel shenanigans

sunflowers - genderfluid luffy ....... god i love transgenderism

pain scale - luffy gets injured and nobody realizes for a while , himself included

sibling sympathies - ace and nami have a chat in alabasta

small changes - id summarize this one but tbh i dont super remember what happens in this one i just remember rlly liking it . its a cora lives au i know that . read it anyways

too bright to see - lusan ..............

i'll keep the king (i'll keep him safe) - EXCEPTIONALLY good luffy whump . very good

of scissors and combs - luffy gets a haircut

and heres four gear fifth fics that i like. id summarize them all but i dont really want to so like . just trust me on this one . read em

also thanks for the rec !! ive been meaning to read that one for weeks thanks for giving me an excuse to finally do it . here's the link for anyone who hasn't read it which you should because it's VERY good

[noodleblade]

Miscellaneous Tag Game (stolen title <3)

thank you bestie:3 @searchingfortheuniverse I'll be working on this while im on and off phone calls~

A band you don’t like that many others do: UM idk...my music taste is all over the place and I really only know the bands i think?? oh- maybe Mother Mother, only because I have not bothered to listen to their music past Junkrat hype videos and that's probably tainted my view a little. For better or for worse.

A childhood memory that you remember vividly: during a summer in greece, idk how, but I got roped into selling watermelons off the side of the road. I couldn't have been more than 6 or 7, but I remember I would put the watermelon in a plastic bag and the farmers thought it was really funny because that's such a...united states thing...to bag 1 whole watermelon in plastic. Anyways, they paid me in cucumber slices with salt.

Least favorite animal and why: HUH LEAST. I'm not a huge fan of like reptiles? Specifically those smaller than a bread box. Too fast, too squirm. Im worried I'll crush them in my hands. (im thinking of specifically florida geckos...idk they are cute but i freak out trying to hold them).

Hot fandom take: just because something is popular and fandom-wide accepted doesn't mean it is good. and not agreeing with it/wanting to engage in it doesn't mean you or your own opinions are bad. the monopoly on accepted 1 true canon is boring.

Do you wear any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece: I try an rotate my jewelry around but I'm usually wearing a few rings, a necklace and a pair of earrings. My favorites are the rings. They are my mom's old ones and I typically wear the same two every day. One is a gold key of greece and the other is a thin black bar but the sides have really small thin heart cut outs.

A movie others liked but you didn’t: HMMMMM probably the new star wars trilogy. felt unnecessary and i just didn't like it? big shruggies

Three things you love about yourself: my writing- its something that I enjoy the most in the world and something that I can claim as mine. I also think I'm pretty funny in a sillay way which is poggers. I like my openness to trying things. Think that's helped make me more well-rounded. I hope so at least.

A place you hope to visit in the future and why: HMMMMM. I want to visit Japan again. For a new place, I want to go to South America. Peru maybe??? Mexico would also be nice. So that's what I'm gearing up towards next.

An actor that gets on your nerves and why: Uh Matt Smith? No reason behind this. but I see his block head and kind of just look away.

Things you’re excited for in the nearby future? I have a lot of little house projects I finally feel like tackling which is exciting. Ive lived in my house for almost 2.5 years and still havent felt like parts of it are complete yet.

Least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in: oof I lowkey kind of hate saying things I don't like on here. bad experiences in the past when people were upset I didn't like a thing they did and got mad at me. But uhhh not the biggest fan of most rodimus ships? but I think mega/rod is my least favorite of them. sorry!

What’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in? hahaahahahhahahah can you believe Game of Thrones wasn't the most toxic???? it was jjba. I got put on a ban list which was kind of funny. I also got kind of show-ponyed in a toxic discord server for a while which has completely ruined me in the ability to act normal on discord outside of my irl friends. that account is deleted but the ao3 is still circling around.

List three things you find beautiful about life: Friends and family- sometimes I want to kill but I really do love them so so much. I like creating things and creating things with people. I also really like my area as far as nature goes. the beach to swamp ratio sings to me.

Any dreams for the future? I want to go on a really long hike. Maybe like a 2 day one? (< says the person that has gone on a max 2 hour hike before). Also just working on my original fiction again. I miss those fellas.

How are you really feeling today? Motivated!!!! Im a little groggy still, but I've been really excited about life and betterment lately so its overcoming my sleepy brain.

Tags: feel free to do or not: @honkytonka, @elmonstro, @huanted-dennys, @feral-birb-husband, @solarstormstuff @anyone else who wants to!! I'd be happy to read them:3

[cecelianonymous22]

Okay i had to talk about this

So

Final fest just got announced a few hours ago

Squid sisters and oth look fire, more pearlina, new amiibos, the setting looks really cool and i like the visual of your inkfish being covered in ink splotches

However

The Splatfest theme has me concerned

Past vs present vs future

Now obviously present isn't going to win so its essentially just past vs future

Why is this concerning to me?

Im big into lore alright, i know almost every piece of lore (except about the bands), that kind of thing

I think no matter which side wins, I feel like its going to be really regressive going into the next game. For past, quite literally. it would probably be a load of retconning like Alterna was. But for future, i also feel like it would 1) mess with some sort of continuity or 2) just be really poorly executed

Which ties into another reason why im nervous about this last fest: the Splatoon devs most likely have in mind what side they want to win, and if that team doesn't win, we'll end up with a weird half-in half-out game like Splatoon 3

Let me explain

Chaos vs Order was HUGE

It was a big deal for a lot of different reasons, but everyone knew it would decide the fate of the next game.

I firmly believe that the Splatoon team wanted Order to win. Genuinely. Possibly they expected Order to win. So when Chaos won, they had to scrape together concepts and make the next game

Which leads Splatoon 3 to having (in my opinion) an uninspired main hub (whose chaos elements are rarely explored) and uninteresting idols (who i love but they feel so shallow to me compared to the other idols)

I think it's likely Alterna was meant to be the order-oriented story mode. Because if you remove the tutorial area, there's nothing "chaotic" about 3's campaign. The pristine, high-tech stages complete with an AI main character all scream Order.

Dont get me wrong, I think it's narratively fitting that Mr Grizz, the only one of three neutral parties in chaos vs order, is the antagonist of the most thematically ambiguous campaign.

But to have an entire order-esc campaign AND TO HAVE SIDE ORDER (which i could go on another probably controversial rant about) feels kind of redundant, and i to this day am upset that we didn't see more chaos elements beyond the hub, idols, and ig you could count the salmon run plotline? Idk man

Anyway, what im saying is im worried a potential Splatoon 4 would have the same sort theme confusion, where we wouldn't be able to just explore the aspect of the team that won and then maybe wait for DLC—we'd have a weird blend of the two that try telling their stories at the same time and end end up being ultimately underwhelming.

And lemme just say, this isnt hate, these are scattered thoughts ive been marinating on for a while because i love the Splatoon franchise. Its one of my special interests and ive been playing since the original. But theres so much i just straight up dont like about Splatoon 3 that im worried will continue in a sequel

I dont want to spark controversy, just constructive conversation. Be aware that it is 3 AM at the time of me writing all of this and its completely a train of thought type thing. I can get my thoughts together in the morning if anyone wants but yeah, im just worried

[landmineclinic]

i’m in a very weird place with religion in that i am not very involved or devout. everything i know is simply bc i grew up catholic in a majority catholic country. i rarely go to church unless its a wedding, funeral, or baptism. a lot of my own personal opinions do not line up with the catholic church and honestly im okay with that. im okay with not being devout. but a lot of my older relatives have been passing away these past few years which had me flying home and attending funerals back to back and thus thrown back into these end -of-life religious practices.

because ive been losing so much of my older folk in my family, its made me have to think about death more often. its been making me think about what would i do when my parents inevitably pass. and knowing them, my parents would want to have a catholic funeral. my siblings themselves are not devout either and i dont think any of us could recite a rosary if our lives depended on it. and i guess this is where some of that catholic guilt comes in? i know very well in my heart im not fully willing to commit to a religion, but i still want to keep my knowledge of my practices intact. part of me still clings onto it only because i worry about the day my parents pass and no one in our family could lead a novenario in their honor. if no one else could do it, at least i can bc i know its within my parents wishes.

tldr woman keeps practicing a religion she doesn’t feel deeply for only for a funeral in the future that has yet to come