yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)
thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!
maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.
I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all!
I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.
AHH and on names...
I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō
Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,
Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be.
(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:
Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)
Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into!
But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.
Physical Transition Stuff
i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!
If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor)
This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO
The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone
but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.
He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.
Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.
Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.
TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:
u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.
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Me losing sleep over this entire post on fb but i had removed it cause i know it would cause issues-
its really crazy that i have my family on here and literally none of them check in on me (other than my mom and dad occasionally checking in)
My grandparents in pr yell at me for never contacting them, but im the one calling their phones and being sent to voicemail. Im the one checking in on my cousins and aunts and grandma. Phones do work both ways ... The last time i saw my aunts was when i had surgery in 2019. I was happy to sew them, but i knew they were just stopping by. I dont get invited to barbeques. My mom never tells me about any family events, but i am never personally invited to begin with by anyone. When i was younger i had a "better" relationship with my family. (We basically actually did things together) But i dont know what has happened. My cousin gives me a ride one time and tried to charge me 10$ for it. For a funeral mind you. I only rode w him cause i missed him.
Same cousin talks abt being woke but still uses terms like "my fav cousin" and says passive aggressive things like "i know who my real family is" when i am just trying to talk to him and see him. This is the treatment i get.
My other cousin that i used to be close to, acts like i dont exist.
I was never able to establish a relationship with my niece bc of this. She doesnt even know who i am.
My youngest cousin whom i love to pieces, i havent seen him in years.
I am currently feeling extra upset because i dont care about the strangers on here, but mainly my family is on here, and they never show to me that they care. Life is short and i just want to say im tired of being made to feel like i dont matter by the people who are supposed to care i spent too much of my life hoping MY FAMILY could understand me. But instead i am cast as the black sheep as i was in my youth when my cousins got away with bullying me. I was seen as the problem, and i know why.. i just wont say it cause it will get me in trouble (even at 26 i stilk have ptsd from speaking the truth) And me being young, neurodivergent and lacking boundries i fled to any arms that would accept me, since i was so "broken"
I dont think its me thats broken, after all these years i realize that perhaps im better off without them and this weird limbo they always kept me in.
As a person who has physical limitations, mental health issues, chronic pain etc it should not be me going above and beyond just to have a chance at a reply... or hoping maybe ill get invited this year. No.
If you dont care, i dont care. Tired of watering dead plants.
This is why i cannot wait to move away.
I cant help but think the reason i get treated this way is because i am neurodivergent and any issue anyone else had with me immediately blamed on me being "mentally ill" (ive heard this line too many times) as if they didnt directly do something to trigger me... right.
Anyways im done ranting. If you were mentioned, sorry but you suck and i am in a place where im not sure if i want a relationship with anyone anymore, so you can continue to ignore this like you usually do or apologize to me via dms where i will most likely not reply.
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The Med Groupchat
Summary: The title speaks for itself.
WC: 1.5k
[crickett has renamed the chat “SEXY BITCHES”]
crickett: my city now
[Maggie<3 has renamed the chat “Gaffney ED”]
Maggie<3: Absolutely not
J. Lanik: Dr. Marcel, I can just kick you out of the chat if you cannot take this seriously.
crickett: rude
[J. Lanik has changed “crickett”’s username to “Crockett Marcel”]
[Crockett Marcel has changed “Crockett Marcel”’s username to “crickett”]
[crickett has added “HUBBY” to the chat]
HUBBY: Hi this is Ethan Crockett made my username and I don’t know how to change it
J. Lanik: I can change it in the chat for you I have admin privileges
crickett: no fun
HUBBY: Please change my username
[J. Lanik has changed “HUBBY”’s username to “Ethan Choi”]
crickett: how come u have all the power
J. Lanik: Because I’m an adult.
FreeWilly: who acts like a five year old lmao
J. Lanik: YOU KNEW I WAS SAVING THAT SORBET FOR FRIDAY NIGHT AS A TREAT FOR MYSELF
crickett: no need to yell
[crickett has sent an image to the chat]
FreeWilly: WHAT THE FUCK CROCKETT
J. Lanik: HOLY SHIT
[Maggie<3 has left the chat]
[crickett has deleted a message from the chat]
crickett: sorry babes i meant to send that to @EthanChoi
Ethan Choi: I’m breaking up with you
[J. Lanik has added “Maggie<3” to the chat]
Ethan Choi: You’re safe now, Maggie
Lesbian’s Wife: hey google how do i bleach my brain
Lesbian: Seconded
Maggie<3: Remind me which one of you is which
Lesbian: I’m Ava
FreeWilly: I remember cos Sarah never shuts up about being Ava’s wife
Lesbian’s Wife: I’m Ava’s wife <3
[J. Lanik has changed “Lesbian”’s username to “Bekker”]
[J. Lanik has changed “Lesbian’s Wife”’s username to “Other Bekker”]
crickett: not that i dont love and support dr bekker but this is the ed chat
crickett: since u wont let me name it the sexy bitches chat
J. Lanik: She’s married to Sarah and cardiology is always down here.
J. Lanik: WAIT
[J. Lanik has added “connor” to the chat]
[J. Lanik has added “MommyPower” to the chat]
Maggie<3: I love you, Nat, but please change your username
crickett: give me admin power
[MommyPower has changed “MommyPower”’s username to “Nat”]
Nat: I’m in a mom chat leave me alone
Maggie<3: How’s Owen btw
crickett: @J.Lanik give me admin give me admin
Ethan Choi: do not give him admin I’m begging you
[J. Lanik has promoted “Ethan Choi” to administrator]
[Ethan Choi has changed “J. Lanik”’s username to “BooBoo the Fool”]
Nat: Owen is great thanks for asking! He just started soccer.
[Ethan Choi has removed “BooBoo the Fool” from the chat]
Ethan Choi: YOU FOOL
Ethan Choi: I HAVE ACCESS TO ETHAN’S PHONE
Ethan Choi: AND HE IS EASILY DISTRACTIBLE!
crickett: He locked himself in the bathroom with my phone. But now I have his
Ethan Choi: WAIT NO I HAVE PRIVATE STUFF THERE
Maggie<3: More private than your dick pics?
Connor: his WHAT
[Ethan Choi has added “BooBoo the Fool” to the chat.]
[BooBoo the Fool has changed “BooBoo the Fool”’s username to “Lanik”]
[Lanik has demoted “Ethan Choi” from administrator]
Lanik: This close to removing you from the chat, Marcel.
crickett: u love me too much
Bekker: Crockett sent us all his dick earlier @connor
crickett: NOT ON PURPOSE
connor: ...is it a good dick
crickett: i mean yeah? i hope so
Ethan Choi: I’d like to stop talking about my husband’s dick please
Ethan Choi: (but for the record @connor it is a good dick)
Other Bekker: can we not talk abt his dick
Other Bekker: not unless i can talk about the strap but lanik said thats not allowed
Bekker: So he can send nudes but Sarah can’t talk about our new strap?
[Lanik has added “Dr. Charles” to the chat]
Lanik: Will this make you all calm down?
Dr. Charles: I don’t want to be involved here.
[Dr. Charles has left the chat]
Other Bekker: DAD
connor: lmao daddy issues
Bekker: @connor is this the hill you wanna die on?
[connor has deleted a message from the chat]
FreeWilly: can we all calm down lol
crickett: no. @connor dm if you wanna see my dick
Ethan Choi: …
crickett: i was kidding!!
crickett: haha unless……..
Lanik: Please do not plan threesomes in the work groupchat.
April: @Lanik bitter because you weren’t invited
crickett: OOOOOH burn
Ethan Choi: Does @no-ah have us on mute
April: yes
crickett: I’ll dm him some booty pics
Ethan Choi: Do not dm him booty pics
crickett: doing so is a public service
FreeWilly: to be fair Ethan he does get naked anywhere and everywhere
Nat: Including my birthday party >:(
crickett: in my defense u and april and sarah were also naked
Other Bekker: i remember that lmao
Lanik: This is a work chat.
FreeWilly: we should have a nude exchange
[Lanik has removed “FreeWilly” from the chat]
crickett: ooooh drama. are yall gonna break up
[Lanik has muted “crickett”]
Maggie<3: It’s so… quiet
Ethan Choi: Please unmute him he’s whiny
[Lanik has unmuted “crickett”]
connor: anyways
connor: who wants to talk about their trauma
Bekker: @connor Like when you accused me of murder
Other Bekker: when i was a kid my mom really hated me and ive never really felt loved and maybe thats why im in a constant state of loneliness and being unfulfilled and even though im the happiest ive ever been i constantly feel like im on the edge of a cliff and at any moment im gonna fall over the edge and die
connor: that was loaded
Other Bekker: you asked
Maggie<3: I was traumatized by seeing Crockett’s penis
connor: lucky :(
Lanik: Jeez kids can you lighten up a little
Nat: HE KNOWS MEMES HE KNOWS MEMES
crickett: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THIS JIMOTHY
Lanik: Don’t call me Jimothy.
Ethan Choi: @connor why are you thirsty
[Lanik has added “FreeWilly” to the chat]
Lanik: It’s worse without you
FreeWilly: that may be the nicest thing youve ever said to me…
crickett: hey baby
crickett: baby
crickett: baby
crickett: baby
Nat: Use dm
crickett: baby
crickett: baby
Ethan Choi: What
crickett: since ur going to the hospital tonight can u pick up my meds uwu <3
Ethan Choi: Only if you promise to never say uwu again
[Other Bekker has renamed the chat “uwu”]
Nat: uwu
connor: uwu
Other Bekker: uwu
Bekker: uwu
April: uwu
Maggie<3: uwu
FreeWilly: uwu
Crickett: OWO
Ethan Choi: I want a divorce
[Lanik has renamed the chat “SHUT THE FUCK UP MARCEL”]
connor: lanik snapped
FreeWilly: hot
connor: WAIT CROCKETT DID YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE
crickett: ;)
Bekker: What did he do
connor: i saw the dick pick. @EthanChoi you were right its nice
Lanik: Please stop planning threesomes in the chat
Ethan Choi: @connor I’ll set up a private chat
connor: yesyesyesyesyes
Nat: I wish I could get laid this easily…
April: You can
Maggie<3: I’m with @Lanik can you guys not be horny in this chat
Other Bekker: my two modes are horny and depressed
Bekker: Actually you have a third- hungry
Other Bekker: fair
No-ah: This is why I have the chat muted
[No-ah has left the chat]
[Lanik has added “Queen Elsa” to the chat]
Bekker: Rounding out the lesbianism I see
Queen Elsa: Is this even a chat I want to be in?
Ethan Choi: No
Maggie<3: No
crickett: yes
Other Bekker: to summarize: crockett sent a dickpic on accident and connor was disappointed he didnt see it and now hes gonna sleep with ethan and crockett and also i think nat and april are gonna get laid and also in case you didnt know yet will and jimmy are dating
Other Bekker: AND @Bekker IS MY WIFE!
Maggie<3: There it is
Lanik: Hi, Ms. Curry. This is the groupchat for the ED and I trust that you’ll treat this respectfully unlike some of the other doctors have been
Queen Elsa: Did you just call me a doctor?
crickett: do not listen to him this chat is all fun and games and dickpics
Queen Elsa: If that last part is true, I’m leaving the chat.
crickett: it only happened once and it was an accident
[Other Bekker has sent an image]
Other Bekker: look at my wife look at my wife look at my wife
FreeWilly: @April @Nat are you guys still here
Maggie<3: It looks like they both have us on mute
crickett: good for them,, we been knew they were in love
Ethan Choi: Please act like a person
crickett: bold of u to assume im a person
[connor has renamed the chat “tinder for lonely gay doctors and nurses”]
Other Bekker: DOES THIS MEAN WE CAN HELP ELSA GET A GIRLFRIEND
Queen Elsa: I have one.
Other Bekker: omg omg omg spill
Lanik: I feel like none of you are taking this seriously.
[Lanik has promoted “Maggie<3” to administrator]
Lanik: Never let it be said that I did not try.
[Maggie<3 has changed “Lanik”’s username to”BooBoo the Fool”]
[BooBoo the Fool has left the chat]
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