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#<- idk what my tag for their relationship is so its that one now
theyluvkarolina · 2 days
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Pook I know this might be extremely detailed, but can I request one where its max and reader but reader and max used to date and now max is with a new girl? But reader is still in love with him? Social media type layout? Sorry if that's like heavily detailed, btw love your Lando x reader (specifically the one with the pizza date thing.)
𝐈’𝐋𝐋 𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍
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· . ୨୧⭒๋࣭ ⭑ ` ` one day, i will stop falling in love with you. ` ` ⊹ ‧₊˚
𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ୨୧ Max and Y/N were the best couple on the paddock. Until, things came crashing down after Max says “I want to focus on my career” only to find himself with a new girl. And it hurts so much.
𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆 ୨୧ Let You Break My Heart Again - Laufey
𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ୨୧ Ex!Max Verstappen x Fem!Reader
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ୨୧ angsty? (I hope it is 😭), potential cheating, unrequited love, max is being a asshole (i promise i still love him @maxtermind)
𝐀/𝐍 ୨୧ ahhh tysm for the love! I appreciate it sm! i’m so sorry your request took so long, things have been hectic 😭 also, photos of kelly will be blurred because i won’t be using her as the new gf. I don’t like using current photos of drivers gfs and painting them as the villians in fanfics. i hope you guys understand! I just made up some random girl name for the new gf (Annelise Beringer) lol. enjoy!!
part 2??? 🤭🤭
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y/n.l/n
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liked by lilymunihe, alexandrasaintmleux, fransica.cgomes and others
y/n.l/n girls night :)
tagged ; lilymunihe, alexandrasaintmleux, fransica.cgomes, & rebeccadonaldson
2,746 comments
alexandrasaintmleux 🩷 👭
→ y/n.l/n ✔︎ the love of my life 🥹 → charles_leclerc ✔︎ that is my girlfriend??? → y/n.l/n ✔︎ not anymore. my gf, my dog, and my house now leclerc. → charles_leclerc ✔︎ SINCE WHEN DID YOU TAKE CUSTODY OF MY DOG?? AND WE ARE LETTING YOU SAY HERE FOR FREE??
username1 if there’s a girls night, you know you fucked up.
username2 i hope y/n is okay :(
→ username3 i mean, leaving someone after 8 years hurts, i doubt she would recover from this for a while.
username4 stop the girls hanging out to cheer her up 🙁🙁
rebeccadonaldson ✔︎ we have to do this more often ❤️
→ y/n.l/n ✔︎ as long as it’s not under my circumstances i’m all for it 😩 → username5 Y/N 😭😭 → username6 what in the world did max do to her 💀 → lilymunihe ✔︎ GIRL. → fransica.cgomes ✔︎ i think another girls night is in order. → y/n.l/n ✔︎ @ pierregasly control you’re girl before she drags me to every store possible to cheer me up. → pierregasly ✔︎ sorry. kika wears the pants in this relationship. → charles_leclerc ✔︎ don’t worry mate, we can tell.
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y/n.l/n ✔︎
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liked by landonorris, rebeccadonaldson, italyexplores and others
y/n.l/n buongiorno italia! spent the trip with my favorite girls 🩷
tagged ; lilymunihe, alexandrasaintmleux, fransica.cgomes, & rebeccadonaldson
3,104 comments
username7 i’m so happy the girls are there to support y/n after what max did :(
→ username8 especially after the rumors now circulating… poor girl → username9 rumors??? what rumors??!? → username10 based off the rumors, Max’s dad wasn’t happy with him dating Y/N. Something about her being too “normal”. And instead wants Max to be with a dutch-german actress named Annelise Beringer. the whole “we want to focus on our careers” is a cover up story. This all being before Max’s home race in Zandvoort. → username11 that’s actually so sad if true… y/n deserves better. do you know if max ever put up a fight for their relationship??? → username10 that I don’t know… but I hope he did…
username NABOKOV??? you have TASTE.
username oh to have enough money to go on a trip to italy and be on a boat
username idk who i want to be they are all so stunning 😩😩
lilymunihe ✔︎ men suck guys
Liked by y/n.l/n!
→ alexalbon ✔︎ uhmmm i’m right here?? → lilymunihe ✔︎ uhmm… i said what i said?? → alexalbon ✔︎ defend me here @ pierregasly → fransica.cgomes ✔︎ pierre literally stood me up in a restaurant? → pierregasly ✔︎ kika, first of all i did not stand you up, second of all, I left to go to the bathroom for 5 minutes? → fransica.cgomes ✔︎ he hates me guys 😭😭😭 → username11 I CAN’T WITH THESE COMMENTS
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maxverstappen1 ✔︎
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liked by redbullracing, schecoperez, f1 and others
maxverstappen1 another race, another podium! 🏆 (Might get Jimmy and Sassy a new sibling 😆 )
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username12 who tf is that second hand Max Emillian Verstappen.
→ username13 get that woman OUT. justice for y/n. → username14 i really hope those rumors aren’t true… → username15 why are you all so invested in his personal life… he doesn’t need to disclose everything. → username16 yeah but someone decided to maybe move on from their ex gf of 8 years in 3-4 MONTHS???
redbullracing ✔︎ once again! 👏
→ username17 how to make red bull stop winning 🧑‍💻 → redbullracing ✔︎ not possible! 😉 → scuderiaferrari ✔︎ crash into them → redbullracing ✔︎ … i think i’m going to stay far away from you guys next race.
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maxverstappen1 ✔︎
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maxverstappen1 my favorite supporter from the bottom of my heart!
tagged ; annelise.beringer
5,329 comments
charlesleclerc ✔︎ oh how wonderful 🙂
→ username18 bro does NOT approve → username19 THE SARCASM…
alexandrasaintmleux how..lovely!
→ rebeccadonaldson ✔︎ …cute! → fransica.cgomes ✔︎ wow!! 🤯 → lilymunihe✔︎ awww!! (i’m puking) → username20 the bf effect 💀
annelise.beringer ✔︎ mijn liefje 💋
→ maxverstappen1 ✔︎ ❤️
username21 y/n is right there.
Liked by y/n.l/n! Unliked by y/n.l/n! → username22 UHMMMM??? y/n what are you doing here???
username23 anyone else feel like this is all a PR stunt??
→ username24 I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE??? → username25 no bc max could never move that fast from a relationship… especially one as long as 8 years…
username26 not the hard launch 😬
landonorris ✔︎ who?
→ username27 LANDO.
username28 how about… no!!
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(ENG TRANSLATION: I’m going to chop off his dick.)
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𝐀/𝐍 2 ୨୧ tee hee!
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coolnonsenseworld · 10 months
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I wanted to say that outside of semantics and divisions - I am simply happy to find communities that welcome with kindness - that welcome you by a good heart and not the ability to conform. I am happy for the opportunity to be surrounded by people who care. It's a funny world we live in - making the same mistakes over and over, multiplying the same suffering by billions. I don't think I hope for an utopia anymore, I don't think such a thing exists - but you can't call me hopeless either. And that's what matters.
As a side note - this piece is set in DanceAU, which might be better known to Patrons so far, but still it was the best and most fitting option for this occasion..... also there are 12 DanceAU pieces incoming, because I might be making another calendar so. get familiar with these mutts
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nandermoenthusiast · 8 months
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i dont think i will ever be over nandor tying guillermos cape with such care and focus. that moment its possibly my favourite from the finale NANDOR ACTS OF SERVICE GUY MAKES ME WANNA CLIMB A WALL and the way hes putting guillermo on equal ground now makes my heart grow 3 sizes
and to be honest i dont think they can go back to where they were before. for anyone whos worried. like yeah he told him “now clean up the body” after he reverted back to human but to me that was more like nandors brain going like. “i cooked now you clean”. he went through such a tremendous amount of work to help guillermo. he had the empathy to recognise the problem. he thought it through concocted a plan. he got the robes and the candles and he painted and hung those banners. he held a fakeass ceremony with all their friends and elders so it looked official. he then also comforted guillermo when he couldnt do it and staked derek himself without a second thought. so maybe its was more of a. i pulled you out of a very hairy situation. can you take care of the body now? (also it IS gonna be hard to let go of certain habits so maybe some comments like this are gonna slip out next season, but that is just because they are useless and in guillermos absence the house fucking imploded in one year lmao… maybe guillermo is gonna teach them how to take care of it themselves next season so they can split the workload and cute shenanigans will ensue)
i just dont think it was mean spirited on nandors part tbh. LAZLO even offered to help. i dont think that was just to have him in the next scene i dont think an unusual detail like that could be just for convenience. i do FULLY believe they are gonna all be on equal grounds next season. and thats gonna be so fucking delicious to me specifically
#to see a nandor and guillermo dynamic where nandor has freed himself from the inibitions of a master familiar dynamic? sign me up#he was so fucking warm and caring after he forgave him and idk if i can handle it GOD I LOVE IT#nandermo#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#wwdits spoilers#comment#im making a post out of some of my tags in one of my queued posts bc i#want to put this thought out in the world#i saw a lot of people going now that guillermos human everythings back to the status quo!!! and im like#no the fuck i hope not!! their relationship has consistently moved in a new direction each season#familiar. bodyguard. best man. best friend. now they went through allllll the trouble of showing them having an equals relationship#they made nandor utter the words he will be living in this house as an equal from now on#and next season everythings gonna revert back?? i surely hope not#there is also to be considered from nandors standpoint that now guillermo truly has no more reason to stay. he really isnt a#familiar anymore because he presumably doesnt want to be a vampire anymore (?) so he has to consider#if he wants guillermo to stick around. its gonna have to be out of the love he has for them. and nandor needs to give him an incentive#which would be equal grounds with the vampires even though he isnt one#and guillermo is probably gonna be in such an existential crisis mode that hes not even gonna notice all the cute things nandor is doing#for him now for a WHILE. until he does and thats gonna be delicious#anyway. why do i keep making excellent points in the tags this could have been a post
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pulchrasilva · 9 months
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Thought too long about non-standard relationships where you don't bother with a label and there's no "confession of feelings" it's just deep care for each other and a determination to stick together and intimacy with no regard for what type of relationship it is. SOMEONE make it stop before my little brain explodes from the gay feels
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todayisafridaynight · 24 days
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any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that
if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it
#snap chats#no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game#oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH.#id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k#OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think#my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious#rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final#HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE#i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that#i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki#someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it#like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but#i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital#the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe#cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion.#yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3#its a real head scratcher ...#a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think#it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little#and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened'#im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways....#sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly#idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me#THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED#i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell#is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form#i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments#BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow#im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE
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grinchwrapsupreme · 1 month
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being super normal about White calling Billy "a dreamer"after the events of Maybe No Go
#truly alarming amount of tags on this post don't click read more fr#the venture bros#pete white#bily quizboy#billy whalen#idk man the way they balance each other is really interesting#the things they agree on and disagree on are almost arbitrary#'you can't put mouthwash in a cookie' 'trust me' vs 'we should spend 10 mil on a motorcycle instead of housing' 'that's such a cool idea'#billy trying to pep white up about the ball#'this was your dream too' like come on dude when have pete's dreams ever worked out#when have yours#'what are we gonna do now billy?' 'we'll cross that bridge when we come to it'#baby the bridge has never been more present#ALSO white calling billy the dreamer when HE'S the one who pushes so hard for things#billy has dreams that might not be realistic but they give him hope and he works around the way the world works to make things happen#like being a self-taught surgeon and believing in a magic ball#pete has dreams IN SPITE of what is realistic and he will mold reality to be what he wants in order to make it happen#like fixing the quizshow and pretty much everything that happened in invisible hand of fate#and they both have disabilities that affect them in vastly different ways and impact their relationship with realistic goals#like billy's hydrocephalus being presented to the audience as mostly a social issue for him and the hand and eye being marks of trauma#rather than like an actual block for him beyond needing to tune the hand up every now and then#vs white's albinism making him physically unable to be in direct sunlight and making him actively fearful of doing certain things and#being certain places#to be clear i know the actual effects of hydrocephalus as well as the hand and eye but this is based on how the show presents it#like billy took these things about himself into account and went ok these are part of my reality and i will work with them#and pete took his reality and went ok i will cover it up with fake tan and wigs or sunscreen and hats and make reality what i want it to be#and that's what makes them a good team!! that's why they science together well#it's also why they argue so much#accepting reality and playing within its constraints vs hating reality and changing it to suit you#these are the hallmarks of scientific progress
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aeide-thea · 8 months
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so i went to reblog some fanart earlier and started to tag it #oh this is. incredible actually, and then paused and thought, @‍self why the 'actually.' what is that adverb conveying. and i contemplated it for a bit, and finally concluded: well, shit. it's reflexive deprecation.
the thing is, deprecation is my starting position pretty much always, and that's a problem in itself, but mostly my problem; but when you're talking abt somebody else's work, and you start backing defensively away from imagined negativity before anyone's even actually voiced any? you may think you're playing bodyguard, but in reality you're the vanguard of the assault, opening a wedge for enemy forces to strike.
i was talking a couple of weeks ago abt seeing ppl tag that kristin sue lucas name-multiplied-by-one post with tags like 'this is art To Me' vel sim., and honestly i think it's a similar sort of reflex—i think exposure to the tumblr vernacular often leads people (very much including me!) to produce turns of phrase like this, that ultimately serve to convey roughly
'i, a clever girlblogger,¹ am, yeah, engaging with this frivolous hai pollai²-coded material; but my relationship to it, unlike that of most she-ple, is Intellectual and Analytical and Examined! and to make that clear, i'll be dropping in these little verbal particles from time to time, in order to distinguish my own, elevated examination of the subject from the state of risible naivete³ i'm implicitly ascribing to the other, more ordinary audience members i'm conjuring up only to instantly put down—but like, it's fine, i'm a free-and-easy girlblogger(TM), so you can't think i'd ever deliberately propagate establishmentarian prejudices! never mind the effect my rhetoric might subconsciously be having, on me or on anyone else…'
and i think this framing is worth squinting at, and worth attempting to excise from one's speech and from one's mindset, because when you get right down to it? it's just yet another insidious manifestation of respectability politics, that's gotten people to adopt it via the cuckoo-chick strategy of positioning itself as cutesy tumblr idiolect.
and like, circling back around to that fanart i mentioned at the outset: yeah, the tag did feel weirdly prosodically truncated to me without that 'actually'! but this way, if the artist ends up seeing my discussion of their work in their notes, they won't be getting slapped in the face with a wet dead fish first, so like. what's more important, you know?
⸻ ¹ ""(gender neutral)"" ² https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoi_polloi in the feminine, if i haven't totally fumbled my declensions… ³ phrasing nicked from a comment of @‍proudheron's.
#anyway like. this for sure isn't the definitive post abt this#and really what i'm getting at is just another facet of 'self-deprecation isn't usually actually separable from disparaging others'#but i do think there's a particular subtle flavor of it here that's worth sticking under the microscope in its own right#for those of us who may have breathed it in without noticing‚ and now be spreading it‚ again without noticing‚ in our turn#i mean. obvs also extremely possible i just *think* i've put my finger on something important bc it's late!#but like. imagine tagging‚ idk‚ the winged victory or sth with 'this is art. to me'#it would be SUCH a weird rhetorical move! but consider: it's *always* a weird rhetorical move‚ actually.#bc fundamentally it's a speech pattern that's seeking affirmation of yr own taste/authority/status as Critic#at the expense of the thing you've evaluated—#like‚ you're going 'i think this is neat!! (but that might just be me 😔)'#and then other girlbloggers are supposed to be like 'yeah no i totally see what you mean!!!' and affirm you! but the thing is—#the '(but that might just be me 😔)' part doesn't just undercut yr discernment‚ it undercuts the praise *predicated* on yr discernment#so it's like. you're dissing yourself in a way that's supposed to earn you affirmation‚ which. is fucked up actually‚ lol :)#but—it's one thing when you do it to yourself; when you incorporate it into the foundations of yr compliment#you've actually totally undermined that compliment and rendered it an insult#(not to mention undermined the idea that the thing might have merit in itself‚ beyond yr authority to bestow or withhold—#like. if you're speaking in terms of what's good/deep/Art/&c To You? you've effectively already ceded the main field of universality#and retreated to defend only yr own walled garden—and implied you'll cede even that small ground if it's disputed)#so like. in the context of yr social relationship with yr followers‚ those sorts of qualifiers are affirmation-seeking moves—#though like. also ones that reinforce yr rhetorical passive-victim positionality‚ in a way you shd perhaps consider *not* reinforcing—#but in the context of yr interaction with an OP? they're negging.#and i just think like. i get it and i'm @-ing myself here as much as anyone else! but it's not‚ like‚ a healed-world way to behave. lol.#so like. consider: tagging things 'art' without the cutesy little qualifiers. praising things without the hedging.#i'm not at all good at that but. i'm going to try.#metatumbling#language#the psyche#'close readings no one needed for 300‚ alex'#(extremely tempted to just scrap this writeup tbh but like. the thinking was worth doing‚ so a record of it is worth keeping)
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hauntingblue · 6 days
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Stampede aka another episode of luffy turning haters into dick riders just with his kind and big heart
#i might understand all the robin law fanfare... its been 26 minutes of stampede......#frobin reigns supreme imo still.....#VICEADMIRAL MOMONGA TOCAME LA PORONGA??? HELLO#THE LOG POSE TO LAUGH TALE???? and hancock arrived ❤️❤️#usopp saving luffh omg.....#blonde buggy..... why are we doing this to out beautiful women...#fujitora is on his own frequency... here you go a meteorite.. whatever happens to all of you and our troops happens goodbye#mihawk intervened bc zoro couldn't do it omg.... nami keep watch he is going to end it all tonight jesus#also persona following mihaw for a second movie ajdjaks.... i love them together honestly#brosalino is the kuma guy's uncle????? nepotism......#calling this guy the heir of the demon.... taking blame off ace akdjsksn.... you know whats funny in movies garp is very like thoughtful and#comprehensive of others peoples issues and then you get to how he raised luffy and like.... wouldn't that have been good there....#and with ace too lmao.... i mean he didnt have abandonment issues but just wait and see to a 10yo asking if he is worthy of living idk...#i get the meaning of it and what he meant but we all know ace didnt get that at the time until luffy got there#usopp.... see how when oda writes the movies it feels different.... first steong world with namo and now stampede with usopp...#the relationship moments really hit.. i was gonna comment about zoro and the cursed sword but that was just focusing on him#well this one wasnt written by oda but supervised i will take it....#hina taking the kids aldjakskal...... smoker and hina best straight ship behind frobin imo..... baby 5 x sai number 3 spot#sabo....... actually thank you bc smoker thinks he can take anybody#hancock and buggy AJSJAKAKLQQ omg usopp dont cry....... luffy will KILL that guy for making usopp feel like that lmao YEAAAH!!!!!#law smoker sabo the luffy lover squad..... each in their own way lmao#hancock its been so long how are you <3 omg law what are you doing here <3 my brother sabo hello.#crocodile made the plan of course.... luffy lover member too#usopps bullets omg....#sanji and zoro against lucci omg..... YEAAAHHHH#wait a second straw hat crew costume by uniqlo design team??? THE DRIP!!!#luffy seeing ace beside luffy with the fire goodbye.... he is EVERYWHERE#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies
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palebloodpresence · 1 year
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what if i said my genuine opinion of "rom the vacuous spider" is that she's actually not like, peaceful because she's stupid, she's just extremely fucking chill bc she's so enlightened. like she WILL defend herself but really she just wants to hide in her cool lake world and hide dark rituals
#idk i have crazy amount of thoughts on rom lately (makes a post thats half tags) (im sorry in advance)#like that she was blessed by kos.... now how you interpret HER and her relationship w the fishing hamlet may vary but like#kos strikes me as sympathetic towards humans (who are not hunters. it is the HUNTERS nightmare. though ive always wondered)#(why are there research patients there? what did THEY do?)#(anyway. idk i like to think that rom was very kind (if a bit. dumb maybe? but like tbh thats so subjective.) and thats why kos blessed her#thats extremely cheesy and sappy for bloodborne ikik but like. ye#though ive also seen other theories on how she might have ascended that ARENT related to kos giving her eyes#or ones that focus on the cut content abt kos being ebrietas's name at one point in development#which has VERY different implications (+ tbh? more likely#ebrietas has a more confirmed affinity for helping humans and also the whole 'altar of despair' grieving#(which re the character model: tbh i think its MEANT to be rom#but they didnt design it very accurately)#anyway thats all thank u for coming to my impromptu ted talk#OH WAIT edit i forgot to add i think we should consider WHO is calling her vacuous. the brygenwerth scholars? we know SO little about#1. who she was#and 2. where she earned this title. for fucks sake shes not even that spider shaped. whos to say this moniker is accurate?#not trying to start shit. i would love her even if no thoughts head empty#but like i hc her as niceys idk
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elmorejuniorhigh · 11 months
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waow. so fucking cool that both ging and mito freecss are aroace. who would have thought
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oscill4te · 6 months
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tag vent bc grosss (vent about ex tw)
#filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler tag#sooooooooooooooo#snapchat will give you notifications if a contact has a snap account.. and i think my ex just made one#he is 43 and very tech illiterate (for lack of better word) like. hes just not that good with technology#so seeing him on there grosses me out either he is still a p*rn addict & paying for exclusive snaps or he is gr**ming somebody#i feel dysregulated and very grossed out atm. idk what hes doing on there its not my business but beinf reminded of him makes me wanna kms#being with him was the most shameful thing ive ever done in my life and therapy doesnt help nothing helps#only blindly numbing myself with distractions helps and avoiding the town he lives in completely#i feel so ashamed about everything. being with someone like that really changes you as a person and i hate reminders that it was real#my osdd compartmentalizes me so well that i feel so disconnected from something that didnt even end a year ago.. like a dream#like none of it was real yknow i hate reminders that hes real my roommate sees him at their job often#and always avoids mentioning it to me bc they know how it will make me feel#i will never go back btw. sometimes you learn something about someone that makes you feel so sick that going back will never be an option#and that is traumatizing to have had a relationship and feelings for someone who at their core is a disgusting subhuman person#he was also a “john” i think and that makes me feel even more sick... it is so sick he is so sick#i dont know why i tolerated everything i don't know why i was so stupid i was just so desp for a father figure and he knew that#and he had the guise of just wantinf to be my mentor and a friend to me when i had just lost my connection with my family and had nobody#after that relationship i don't fall for anyones tricks anymore. i have very strong bounce now. it just sucks that#i had to endure a year of someone like that to build those skills. i also traded off my ability to trust people or be vulnerable#and my parents funnily know nothing about it. thats what is so funny to me. it makes me wanna cry sometimes#he was very obsessive scary person getting voicemails still terrifies me to this day lol he would spam me with them#looking back its kinda pathetic to he in your 40s wanting to control someone on their 20s every move#i get kindnof homicidal about it sometimes (jjst sayingbif he died the world would be a better place ♡ one less predator)
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l-cereta · 8 months
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in a bad mood for multiple unrelated reasons :thumbsup:
#dooooooo i vent in the tags#yk what why shouldnt i#ok so. for one my executives have been dysfunctioning since monday and i think rn is the event horizon of 'oh my god if u dont work now'#and you know what ive been doing instead of working? watching a 24hr stream of armored core 6#so thats like. whatever#its the whole too depressed to do anything so you kinda vegetate which lowers ur energy even further and worsens your mood#but then a friend wanted to get my advice on like. relationship troubles hes having#and i just . was not able to connect at all. and it's like man sometimes im not even sure if i have emotions lmao#like i pride myself on Being In A Better Place Than I Was In Highschool#(like. im not considering jumping out the window every other morning)#but like. sometimes it feels like i just dont like#like other people have these rich experiences and deep loves and all this stuff and im never gonna get it#it'd be nice to be loved or be in a relationship but really like#my biggest fear is just. im in a relationship and something bad happens to my partner#and i realize i dont care#idk theres like a lot swirling in my brain#i just want to be like...#i think writing this out has actually made it worse lmao#god forbid if someones reading this please dont reach out to me abt it i do not want to talk abt it#no matter how much other people say they care abt me it never seems real anyways so like cool#god i was doing so well before going back to college and im stupid enough to actually fucking like school#i just like.#whatever#like being alive really hurts right now#i cant really put a bow on that
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anarchyloser · 1 year
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Conversations with god
I am ten years old
my parents left me home alone
only for a short while but still
alone in a not-quite-home of a house
I go into their bedroom
it was always off limits
I crawl into their bed and feel so so small
insignificant
I kneel at the end of their bed
my hands clasp in a desperate prayer
sobbing begging to be stricken down
pleading to anyone who heard
my prayer unanswered I curl into a ball
right onto the slick wooden floor
and cry for my mommy
my parents found me sitting on the couch
right where they left me
as always the well behaved easy kid
knowing their love was conditional
I am twelve years old
I sneak out of bed at four am
I go to the bathroom, close the door behind me
hunch over the sink
why am I like this?
I stare in the mirror
as tears streak down my face
why can't I change no matter how hard I try
please
I scream out
please fix me
I beg to anyone who will listen
please make me whole make me right again
there is no answer
just my own face that I barely recognize
staring blankly back at me
I go back to bed
I woke up the next morning wondering why I did
I am fourteen years old
I didn't think to look how much it would take
I simply take as many as I can
I'm laying on my bedroom floor
the carpet scratches my face painfully
but I find I can't move more than a finger twitch
my vision starts to blacken like curtains closing
the music I put on goes in and out
I send my last thoughts to the universe
to anyone who will listen
please let me pass peacefully
into whatever may be next
I woke up two days later
still on my bedroom floor
I went downstairs and drank water
more parched than I had ever been
my mother laughed when she saw me
said I looked like shit
and she was glad I wasn't dead up there
what an inconvenience that would be
I am sixteen years old
I stay inside all day for months
everyone does it's a pandemic
I don't talk to my friends
I know they all think I'm annoying
they're happier without me
no one tried to reach out
no one asked me how I am
my teachers don't notice I sleep through class
and stay up all night long
one night I'm alone- always a dangerous thing
I think that tonight is my last night
I cook a nice dinner and watch my favorite show
I take a shower and a bubble bath
I make my bed, to finally lie down and rest
I make sure my rat is fed, extra food too
in case it takes long for them to notice
I give him treats and pets, I will miss him greatly
I write my note and take far more than last time
I thought I learned my lesson
I tuck myself into bed one final time
it's more violent this time
I feel like I'm floating and drowning and burning
all at once
I have no final thoughts this time
I woke up the next day
vomit already crusting on my blankets
"thank god you were on your side"
is all that mother said to me
when she caught me cleaning up
"thank god" I scoffed
as if that prick had helped before
as if any god would ever listen to me
I am eighteen years old
I step into a church for the first time
in what feels like lifetimes
for a school project on new experiences
I sit with an old friend in a pew towards the back
and try to feel the embrace of god
or anything really
the most I felt was mild discomfort
and a nosebleed in the bathroom
some might say that's an omen
that I'm of the devil
that there's something unholy in me
that needs to be purged or cleansed
maybe they're right
but I decided to stop praying that day
no more free for all calls to the universe
I was tired of the crippling loneliness
that came with unanswered calls
if no one would pick up I had to rely on myself
the only one talking back to me
in these conversations with god
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bewilderedbuck · 1 year
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not to be like. emo or whatever but. how am i supposed to live with this feeling for the rest of my life
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sacrificialmutt · 2 months
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lore dropping in the tags because! uhm
#┈ ✴ ﹙rambling﹚#habit lore drop!!#my tag for lore drops bc i have experienced life altering mental illness#but the obsessive murderous hannigram dynamic is doing the opposite of wonders for my recovering brain#i had this whole delusion (question mark? idk if thats the right word but idk what it was but its never been addressed by anyone but me#long story short i was very famous on yandere tumblr and insta bc i was very unwell in the head#i could write a whole paper about irl yanderes bc being in there u learn its nothing like the stereotype of irl yanderes#but its just a lot of unstable people in an echo chamber#honestly most dont mean any harm its just a venting method tbh.. but w the aesthetic and japanese origin ppl will say ur being problematic#or whatevs#idrc this is not the point#i loooove to give way too much unnecessary context#BUT ANYWAYS#hannigram would have been like. the blueprint relationship for me#like now i can appreciate it as a ship separate from myself as a real person#but idk especially with the origami heart body in season 3 like its stirring smth up in me#and i nono wanna relapse#but like how do u not relapse into a state of mind?#and idek what it was like officially bc on paper theres nothing wrong with me#i became a whole different person and no one around me noticed?? i was so toxic and awful to be around bc i had this dark cloud over me#but nobody knows nobody knows and it weighs on me i was so awful not even to be edgy but bc i was having these awful urges#idk where im going with this im just lore dropping now#im going to stop#i need to speak to a professional but i could never tell anyone this#tldr hannigram makes smth in my brain itch that has been dormant for like two years and i want it to stay sleeping#bc if it wakes up and i go insane again idk if i will survive it
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iwantyoursexmp3 · 7 months
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beau is such a trailblazer of an oc cause he's the first dallonwrites protagonist to have a good relationship with his family
#LMAOOOO LIKE#i know they're the type of family who would have a group chat together and that concept is so wildly foreign to me#my relationship w my family is actually fine dw it's just like all recovering from things. we make do#felix and dorothy were definitely like the product of me fully realising i had a fucked up childhood and not being able to get therapy#i think my whole pov on it is changing now though which is interesting#like i havent outgrown RR but i would never write the things i decided for that story if i came up with it now#but 20 year old me wanted to write about those things for a reason so it's almost become a time capsule#i actually have sooo many thoughts of this because my brain is so interesting to me lately#recently more often than not i hate reading characters with fucked up childhoods from other writers#idk why but i'm just like. i want the kids left alone for the most part!#some more than others and its like i dont know what the reasoning is because its not like i can know where their inspo is coming from#(that's another thing i want to write about one day because i do think some people esp newer writers like#don't fully know how to write an interesting backstory yet or aren't confident in it so they lean on#very traumatic childhood things like abuse neglect addiction etc.#and without saying what I Went Through it's very interesting when you see things you went through IRL#that for others are just like interesting character development ideas#NOT TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BAD! because i mean i do and have done it before with things irrelevant to me#it's just something i've noticed and like. i think easy to sensationalise when you're a newer writer#even things you HAVE gone through)#not me testing the waters for essays in the side blog tags again. i need to actually write something for my silly little substack#actually similarly to this i rly want to write abt how i can't get with the whole my old writing is so bad and cringe!!! anymore#bc now i know younger me was in such a scary place and needed those cringey stores#but i need to do it in a specific way bc i dont think that line of thinking is problematic. i just cant do it
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