#<- using the main tags for once. bc it is important. look @ her.
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Her dancey dance…
#so cute… so cute…#mine#why can u not add a video to reblogs. that’s so dumb. booooo.#project sekai#saki tenma#<- using the main tags for once. bc it is important. look @ her.#saki
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*sighs in sadness* Ocean Queen Lizzie you were too good a character to be released onto the masses who couldn't characterize you well in fanfiction to save your life :(
The joy your story brought me (self-proclaimed number one Ocean Queen fan /hj) is immense, but it does not cancel out the multitudes of fanfiction flattening you into a hollow shell of yourself who only exists as an extension of the men in your life, clogging the LDShadowLady fandom tag and making it nigh-impossible to fin the (rare) fic in which Lizzie is in-character
And trust me, I know. My experiences are born out of pain and sorrow. Deep in the clutches of hyperfixation, I checked the LDShadowLady tag several times every day for months, no filters. I looked at every fic in the tag, and the backlog of fics. I read every fic in the tag, with only a few exceptions for the most truly unstomachable fic. Even as my hyperfixation loosened, I still checked the LDShadowLady tag often, and scrolled through the backlog. I still read every Lizzie centric fic I can find, and a lot that isn't. I still am on a constant search for good Lizzie fic (please: anyone want to recommend any fics? I'm sure there's stuff I'm missing/missed/forgot to bookmark! she doesn't have to be the main character, just significant!)
I have gazed into the abyss. I have absorbed the scope of it. I have written fic on my own.
And yet: the problem is less with the lack of Lizzie fics, and more with the bad ones, the ones that don't actually feature her in any real capacity, which becomes easy to see once you've read a lot of them noticed the pattern, just a combination of sidelining, of mischaracterization, and mischaracterization by omission, that trap that is so easy to fall into.
I can forgive fandom for this to an extent. No fic writer is perfect, this is about the collective patterns. But after a certain point, it starts becoming harder to ignore: the way she is written into fics only to warp around c!Jimmy (sometimes other male characters) with zero regard for her interiority, her agency, her struggles, her potential, in fics that give male side characters these things.
The way she is ignored varies. Sometimes it is the most blatant examples: she is put in a situation in which multiple canon traits/opinions/experiences of hers would obviously be relevant, but all are ignored except supportive sister. Sometimes it is more subtle: it iisn't a plot hole that her being a supportive sister/caring/"strong woman girlboss" (in the way that doesn't actually give her any agency or depth or plot importance, she's still a flat character only there for support, but actually we only write her as a personw with no interior depth or anything interesting bc she's just so cool and competent and perfect there aren't any problems that give us reasons to focus on her or give her like, a character arc or something) is the only thing that comes up in the au, but the fact that the author didn't find anything else about her interesting or worthy of show, never considered showing her in more depth, giving her an arc, giving her choices to make, the fact that over and over again authors decide that the only reason to show her is if she's supporting a guy, grates a whole fucking lot. Mostly, it is more subtle but once you see it you will never stop unseeing it. I try to repeat it but I just sound like a broken record.
Am I going insane for noticing this when nobody else seems to? I worry that, even being mad mostly at the trend and not the individual writers, I am still somehow being too unfair to them. I check my line of thought over and over. Then, once again, I am reading a fic and I can't stop thinking about how it's another fic in the pattern, and I try to find something that isn't and it takes me pages and pages, and I am so angry again. Death by a thousand pinpricks. Driven insane by a thousand lackluster Lizzie portrayals.
It's hard not to feel crazy. People like the Ocean Queen! People don't dislike her character! She just slowly gets flattened, over and over. Never any interest in her depths. (yes I am ocean punning at a time like this)
I am awash in a sea of misery. Every day I think of her and I wish for a world where people liked her better. Where she was the character with a million fics exploring her potential. I think about it and I think about her and I think about my fic for her and the good fics I've read for her and I open another fic where Lizzie is tagged and I hope.
(The pain these fics bring me is immense but the joy I feel about the character is greater, at least. Mostly I think about that. Two sides to everything, how unfortunate/lucky)
Ocean Queen I love you.
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finally deciding to make an about me post yippee yay!!
ig- @/bucket.of.crows
bsky- @/crows-of-buckets
Hi my name is Crow! Most of what I reblog is fandom stuff, and I jump between fandoms quite frequently <//3 I have a few that I tend to come back to regularly however (Somehow I manage to have a dragon age obsession at least once a year. it is very consistent)
If I don't respond to something, it is either bc 1) I genuinely don't know what to say and social interactions terrify me, 2) I was too tired to respond to something when I saw it then I promptly forgot about it or 3) got anxious and convinced myself that the person who sent it hates me or something. Deepest apologies I'm just awful at stuff like that and have pretty bad anxiety I do try though <//3
I block very very generously! If you do end up blocked by me it may not be for any actually bad reasons, you could have just worded something in a way that mildly annoyed me, please dont take offense to it lmao. Me and the block button are madly in love, and I do not hesitate to press it. This is mostly just to curate an experience that is fun for me, and also to avoid me getting overly mad about random bad takes i see. Bigotry of any kind is not tolerated and you will be blocked.
I tend to ramble on about my ocs a worrying amount. As of right now, I am rather focused on my dragon age ocs, but i also have personal ocs and ocs for other fandoms
About tagging
Generally I try to tag things appropriately, although sometimes i am not the brightest and forget. If I do that's my bad I'll normally notice before too long
I tag all my art as "#my art". If you only want my art stuff, I have an alt that is solely for reblogging all my art. That is @bucket-of-crows
My rambling tag is "#crow rambles" half the time this is me yapping about my ocs, other half is me complaining about something lmao
I tag my ocs using "oc: *oc name*" as a way to organize stuff. I also use "worldstate: *worldstate name*" for dragon age worldstates, since I have a few. Any posts I make about my ocs/oc playthroughs is tagged "#my ocs"
While I don't tend to reblog sexual stuff, anything with excessive nudity is tagged as "#nsfw" just to be on the safe side
I AM NO LONGER TAGGING DAV SPOILERS REGULARLY. I may occasionally tag really big spoilers but it's not consistent!! I also tag anything critical of the game as "#dav critical" Anything critical of other dragon age games / bioware as a company is typically tagged "#bioware critical" or "#da critical"
About my ocs
Im gonna ramble about my ocs a bit, so I'll put this under a cut so this doesnt look too long lmao
This is still a work in progress bc i accidentally posted it. Whoops. Anyways, this section is unfinished sorrgy
Aviae Surana
(she/her)
Aviae is my main dragon age origins oc, and I talk about her quite a bit. Shes specializes in spirit healing/arcane warrior/battle mage. Technically she also takes a little bit of levels into keeper, but I don't really consider it one of her canon class since I never use it with her like I do the others.
She romances Morrigan, and does the dark ritual with her. She puts Alistair on the throne due to her distrust of Anora. She feels guilty about it, but she would do it again in a heartbeat. Her closest friends from Origins are Zevran and Alistair, but she considers all of the people she traveled with dear friends. From the Awakening crew, Anders is practically family to her (they grew up in the Circle together, and shes always considered him like a brother), and Nathaniel becomes someone she ends up relying on. Her and Justice also get along very well, even if they butt heads on occasion.
For important decisions, she sided with the mages, made Bhelen king of Orzammar, made a truce between the Dalish and the werewolves, helped Redcliffe and saved Connor without Isolde dying. She kept Avernus alive (I'm still in the air about whether she allows him to continue his research), let the Architect live as well, and saved Amaranthine. Vigil's keep stood its ground with the upgrades she had provided it.
This is my girl! Sadly I don't have a better reference for her current canon outfit (she has an old outdated reference sheet though), so this will have to do.
In some of the older posts, I refer to her and Alistair as exes. Sadly, while this is a fascinating dynamic, it is not canon anymore. As much as I love Alistair, Aviae would not trust him enough to fall in love with him due to him having trained as a templar. Eventually they become close friends, but never more than that. She is part of my "Mage rights" Worldstate. I tag all of her posts as "oc: Aviae Surana"
Relationships with companions:
Alistair: These two. Most fucked up friendship ever happens between these two. At the start of the game, she's wary of him, due to his templar training, but the two eventually become close friends. Of course, this is completely fucked up by the Landsmeet. Aviae originally tells Anora that she will support her (this is a bold faced lie), and does NOT inform Alistair of her deceit. Then, once actually at the Landsmeet, she puts Alistair on the throne, sucessfully twisting the knife in both alistair AND anora. Two birds one stone, as they say. Trying to make up for it, she promises to help him lead, to stay by his side and advise him. This placates their relationship for a while, making them a bit less awkward around each other. However. However. Aviae lied. Well, she didn't MEAN to lie. But when the final fight is over, Aviae's mental health tanks for the worse, and she struggles coping with Morrigan leaving her. She feels guilty over being alive, all that shit yada yada. She doesn't even stay in denerim a week before she ditches and travels with Zevran (well. It was more of Zevran going "Aviae my dear friend, if you stay here it will kill you. Do you want to stab people. Would that make you feel better. Lets go stab people"). This completely shatters what little of a friendship the two had. When Awakening rolls around about three months later, their reunion is. Tense. And awkward. For everyone there. They don't properly have a conversation after this until many, many years later.
Morrigan: Ohhh these two. Now that im sitting here trying to type something up nothing is coming to me but man. They both longed for freedom most their life; Aviae from the Tower, and Morrigan from her mother. Aviae ends up with a small crush on Morrigan from the moment they meet, and it only grows as time passes. Morrigan takes a bit longer to accept her feelings, but eventually they enter a relationship. Despite the fondness they hold for each other (not that either of them are willing to say it), they argue quite a bit throughout origins. About the mages, about the elves in denerim, about the anvil. Somehow they always end up snapping at each other during this time. Despite it all, they both care so so deeply. And it terrifies both of them. They both have problems admiting how deeply they care (aviae because of growing up in the Circle, Morrigan bc of a multitude of things lmao). On the Eve of the final battle, Morrigan and Aviae do a ritual to keep her from dying. Morrigan admits she plans to leave, and Aviae is hurt beyond words. Despite this, she promises to come after her, and gives her the Warden's Oath (necklace containing blood from the joining) as a token of her love. Morrigan leaving does a number on Aviae's mental health, but the two reunite at the Eluvian and go to raise Kieran together.
Lelianna:
Sten:
Wynne: Aviae respects wynne quite a bit, but lord do these two bicker. Aviae is very anti tower, and there were many camp nights where they argued over the topic. Despite this, she did look to Wynne for guidance on many matters.
Zevran:
Oghren:
Loghain: Loghain was executed by Alistair
Anders:
Nathaniel:
Justice:
Velanna:
Sigrun:
Lucio Hawke
(he/they) (probably) (its not like hes figured it out yet lmao)
Relationships with companions:
Carver:
Bethany: Died leaving Lothering
Varric:
Aveline:
Anders:
Isabela:
Merrill:
Fenris:
Sebastian:
Tallis:
Selene Adaar
(she/her)
Relationships with companions:
Cassandra:
Varric:
Solas:
Sera:
Vivienne:
Blackwall:
Iron Bull:
Dorian:
Cole:
Lelianna:
Josephine:
Cullen:
Morrigan:
Ena de Riva
(he/him)
I WILL BE DISCUSSING VEILGUARD SPOILERS IN THE SECTION YOUVE BEEN WARNED
Relationships with Companions:
Solas: I can confidentially say that Ena hates this man with a passion. There is not a single moment where he even considers trying to redeem him. His contract was to stop the Dread Wolf. He has no intention of trusting a target; hes not THAT stupid. After Solas' trick with the blood magic is revealed, Ena is PISSED. Solas was tricked by Ena to keep the veil in tact.
Varric:
Harding:
Neve:
Bellara:
Lucanis:
Davrin:
Emmrich:
Taash:
Revari Mercar-Surana
(they/them)
Tyrian
(he/him)
Varamis
(she/her)
Other Ocs
Some ocs I either don't have a lot of content for, or dont post about enough to warrant me giving them their own section, so I'm going to put their tags down here. All posts about my ocs are tagged as "#my ocs". Some of these ocs may eventually get full sections if I get the motivation for it
Athiman Mahariel (he/him) (Dragon Age)- Morrigan romancer who made the ultimate sacrifice. Tagged as "#oc: Athiman Mahariel"
Veloura Mahariel (she/her) (Dragon Age)- Leliana romancer who got Alistair to do the dark ritual. Tagged as "#oc: Veloura Mahariel"
Viara Hawke (she/her) (Dragon Age)- Merrill romancer who sided with the mages. Tagged as "#oc: Viara Hawke"
Yvette Hawke (she/her) (Dragon Age)- Isabela romancer who sided with the mages. Tagged as "#oc: Yvette Hawke"
Zel (he/him) (Dragon Age)- Part of Selene's mercenary group. Has an au where he's Inquisitor, but that one isn't canon. Dorian romance. Tagged as "#oc: zel adaar"
Vashoth (she/her) (Dragon Age)- Part of Selene's mercenary group. Tagged as "#oc: vashoth"
Solmummer Adaar (she/her) (Dragon Age)- Josephine romancer. Tagged as "#oc: Solmummer Adaar"
Tyrian (he/him) (Pathfinder WOTR)- Tiefling, Daeran romancer, Lawful good turned Neutral good. Mystic path went from Angel to Legend path. I do actually have a lot of posts about him I just don't feel like writing a blurb about him
Uvara (she/her) (Pathfinder WOTR)- Dhampir, Arueshalae romancer, Chaotic Good, Azata. Tagged as "#oc: uvara"
Watcher Nyxtra (she/her) (Pillars of Eternity)- Pallegina romancer (the lack of a canon romance cannot stop me), tagged as "#oc: watcher nyxtra"
Arphae (she/her)
Grisvald (he/him)
Kaid (he/him)
Zayan (she/her)
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tag game ✨
thanks for tagging me zey @thasorns ♥ i teared up at your addition about me, that is so sweet :( i miss our dff talks too! idk what you're into these days but would love to talk about some show with you again :')
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1. why did you choose your url?
bc am obsessed with one (1) man who belongs to another amazing guy ♥ (been thinking about an url change lately tho bc i'd like to put last twilight and the hurt it caused behind me but haven't found something else to tie myself to yet. maybe we are and phumpeem if the ending delivers?)
2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.
not really. the only side blog i have is my og url vishcount saved for nostalgia purposes but there's nothing on that blog
3. how long have you been on tumblr?
started on this hellsite (affectionate) on the lord's year 2013 and it shows
4. do you have a queue tag?
i don't use the queue much so no. you will only catch me reblogging like ten posts in a row when am online/in the mood and then going back to lurking again
5. why did you start your blog in the first place?
i was into a bunch of animes and tumblr was filled with amazing fanart. i wanted to be able to look at them in peace
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?
to show who my url is about ♥ mork my beloved
7. why did you choose your header?
wanted it to fit the theme. also i adore the last twilight rooftop kiss, it's one of the brightest spots of the show
8. what’s your post with the most notes?
most likely this the untamed edit from 2020. i was truly living my peak back then :'D tbh i feel like the whole of tumblr was living its peak when the untamed was airing and when we all lost it together for the longest time after
9. how many mutuals do you have?
way too many and i adore all of them, tho i probably forget or cannot recognize most of them. especially if you've changed your url/main fandom OR i have, we might not even know each other anymore haha
10. how many followers do you have?
more than i deserve and idk what all of you are even doing here but i like feeling like i'm part of some type of crowd ♥
11. how many people do you follow?
quite recently i unfollowed some inactive blogs and blogs about things i don't really care for anymore so my follow count is a nice number of 205
12. have you ever made a shitpost?
uh. i don't really know? do some posts from my finnish tumblr (suomitumppu) era count? :'D
13. how often do you use tumblr each day?
am chronically online and i open this app like a fridge
14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?
no, not really. am not really one to share strong opinions, especially negative opinions, publicly online which i think is the cause of most arguments ppl have here. i'd rather just keep my peace and be nice
15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts
mostly i don't like doing things when am told to do them
16. do you like tag games?
yes! it always makes me happy to know that someone is thinking about me and i do find these a lot of fun to do ^^
17. do you like ask games?
also yes. i just don't often reblog those bc i don't really have a lot of interactions on this site. if i find an ask game with very interesting questions, i might forward it to kiddo @i-am-just-a-kiddo and we do it together privately to enjoy it like that ♥
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
the first one that comes to mind is hanyi @ruanbaijie who i think deserves all the recognition for her absolutely amazing giffing skills ♥ she's also the sweetest so idk what's not to follow, make her even more famous if you can!
19. do you have a crush on a mutual?
nope. idk if i function like that tbh. i have some huge friend crushes tho and want to be closer with some ppl a lot! not mentioning names bc am shy haha
but i want to say that monica @stormyoceans is very important to me these days. she brightens up my days and makes my whole fandom experience so much better by simply being her enthusiastic and authentic self ♥ never change!
and also jessi @oswlld who i still cannot believe is someone i can call my friend and bestie on this site. i am so happy we've gotten to share bad buddy, vice versa, and last twilight together! also happy to hear about your life at times and to just share silly things with you ♥
third one i want to mention is shannen @icouldhyperfixatehim who always manages to stand out in a positive way. we don't interact much but i cannot help but feel very giddy about their presence on my dash. they leave the best tags and every time they reblog any of my edits with their tags, they manage to make me feel like i've made it and my edit was worth the effort :'D so thank you!
20. tags?
want to tag at least @psychic-waffles @foxofninetales @hils79 @sherrymagic @srnileforme and @thitiponqs ♥ also the ones i mentioned before are free to join and anyone else who wants to do this!
#tag game#thank you a ton zey this was so much fun!!!#i hope you're doing well and having a good summer ♥
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i extended on something i wrote months ago in the subject of shinene codependency (and shinaya breakup) but its hidden in a Much longer post under a read more so i wanted to make it into its own post for my kagenalysis tag❤️:
to rant a bit abt the "personal narrative" of shintaro. i think it's interesting that shintaro is essentially a very self centered character and kagepro is very meta in the way it treats him as a main character. because inside of kagepro, he really gets as much focus as any other character, they're all "main" character to us. its rather inside the story he plays a very important role therefore he is the protagonist and as the protagonist he puts an end to the story itself too. i think this is all interesting together and fun to dissect shintaro's character as inherently self centered because that's what the story is. the initial premise is that he's a depressed guy living in regret he used to be "such a bad person" to someone he cared deeply about.
his self centeredness shows not only in the way he acts even without retaining activated, but he is really in the center of it. shintaro IS the protagonist and deep down even if he hasn't remembered yet, he knows that. so does everyone else. they all know they depend on him, sooner or later.
and i like to think of all this in a post str context thinking that the way he handles all that in everyday life once this story is over and theyre free from a narrative in the first place, is self destructive because its not compatible to being a normal person. he's a protagonist but there's nothing to be a protagonist OF anymore
so it IS taking him a bit to really LOOK at his friends and stop looking only for himself. technically he's lived a hundred doomed lives and now he's here trying out this one and again it is scary and new and... ene, who's been the most dedicated to centering her life around shintaro, is a clear safe place while navigating this.
he takes takane totally for granted because of this. in the narrative she has always been his sidekick. she has been the second main character to him. she has always lived and served him in all timelines, in all the time theyve known each other that she can't remember and he can, takane has been more ene than she's been takane to him, and ene has always been his annoying lap dog he hates as much as he needs in order for the story to move forward. takane of course reciprocrates the dynamic because it's also all she's known for a year. but... it's a year, vs. shintaro's God Knows How Many resets.
so eventually... as she is free from the narrative and very much her own person outside of him, capable of finding love and priorities somewhere else away from him and OUT LOUD tackling issues like hey we have a codependent dynamic going on we should work on, bc she does normal people stuff like going to therapy, takane moves on. which is mind blowing for shintaro AND HE DOESNT LIKE IT
he shuns it completely whenever takane brings it up, which she does a lot as time goes on. because time keeps going on. it keeps passing by. and everyone around him seems to be growing up and that's so infuriating and so terrifying and then stuff like ayano dating him and dumping him is as much of a reality check as ayano being alive in the first place, and he doesn't know what to do with it other than cry and thrive off the attention takane gives him again upon seeing him broken again.
he's in PAIN but it's familiar. it's comfortable. it's classic. it works. because the story he was a protagonist of was a tragedy, so he doesn't know how to behave when there is hope in the future. ❤️
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Struggles and Sorrows and Skin
Day 11: Seeing Double | convenience store | loneliness | "leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist"
Surprise! I've actually managed to get this one out early in the day! And the reason for that is bc I wrote this pretty much at the same time as yesterday's, lol. So here's a return to Seal Be With Ye, ft pre-vampire Mikael and Elijah :) I'm apparently on a role with Mikael being a semi decent person.
If anyone has any specific AU they want more of, send me an ask or something and I'll see what I can do :)
Hope you enjoy!
It was a curious thing. Elijah remembered his birth, the way he'd yowled as he'd come into the world, and the way he'd screamed as his coat was taken off of him. A sea birth, he believed. It was never a good omen to have a woman give birth onboard, so his father had tossed Elijah's mother into the sea to give birth.
The memories fizzled out after that, in Elijah's mind, until they'd picked back up when he was around two years of age. Still on the boat, but no mother around to help him - and able to hear things, and see, and feel something other than the cold of the sharp wind around them. There was a woman around who he'd assumed was his mother, at the time, had assumed for years, but she'd always rebuffed Elijah aside from when she was feeding him.
She'd weaned him so much earlier than any of his siblings, he'd later learn. Because of course she would. Elijah wasn't her child. He was the child of her husband's thrall, the slut who'd taken to Mikael's bed, bearing him an heir in exchange for her coat back. After the birth, Elijah's mother had vanished, like she'd never existed in the first place, aside from the wailing baby she'd handed up to Mikael, complete with the baby's own coat.
Esther had never really understood the meaning of the coat, but Mikael had. He'd taught Elijah about it too, making sure he knew just how important it was that he kept his coat away from all others. Especially Mikael's wife, who proved herswelf to be willing to damage and destroy Elijah's belongings, as a sort of punishment to her husband's bastard child.
Mikael's favouritism towards a child not Esther's hurt her, and that, Elijah could understand. His father wasn't subtle about giving Elijah preferential treatment, after all, even if Elijah would rather he hadn't. If it would have kept his half-siblings from facing Mikael's wrath, Elijah would have given up everything, but he'd learned early on that it wasn't the way to go.
Even though Mikael had named Elijah after the child Esther had been carrying, that she'd miscarried at the time of Elijah's birth. He was confident that it was the other main reason she hated him. She'd never called out to Elijah by his name, only using words such as "boy" or "hey you". It hurt Elijah too, but he understood. He had to. If he didn't, then things would get worse.
Ultimately, the only true freedom Elijah had was in the ocean. In the trips Mikael would take him on, once a month, for a week over the full moon, to the ocean. Ostensibly, it was to avoid their neighbours, the wolves in the village, when they'd turn on the full moon. But Elijah knew it was also a gift to him - to allow him to slip into his sealskin, and swim and hunt and dive and play in ways that he was never allowed to under Esther's watchful eye.
It was Mikael's way of apologising to Elijah, that he didn't have his mother anymore. That he'd never know her, not her true name (for Mikael had always known the name she'd given him wasn't really hers), not what she looked like, not any secrets that her selkie parents had passed down to her. Elijah would get nothing, and Mikael was a man of few words. This had to be enough.
Tag List: @captain-effy @what-the-fuckis-happening
If anyone wants to be added lmk!
#the originals#the vampire diaries#tvd#to#elijah mikaelson#selkie elijah mikaelson#au - seal be with ye#whumptober2024#no.11#'leave no trace behind like you don't even exist'#fic
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personally to me this chapter is confusing in terms of jisu, like jisu's words do not match with his actions. he says that he is doing this for fun but then you can see a panel of him clenching his jaw when he finds out that miae was smiling bc cheol made her happy by inviting their friends to go to do laser tag, and he would go as far as to insult cheol's height and even say that he is not suited for miae. i personally do not think that he is doing this for fun i feel like this is a mask or a disguise to hide his true feelings for miae. but overall i'm just confused and i really wonder how soonkki is going to insert jisu into the plotline especially at this point. because when you look at his actions in the past he wants miae to remember him, thus giving her hints. he also plays soccer against cheol but then it is hinted that he is on par with cheol in terms of skills and that he can be a suitable rival which could hint that he is a second lead. i am fine with jisu not being the second lead but what i am confused about is how soonkki put so much effort into bringing up jisu's appearance (him having miae's name tag and him slowly building up a relationship with miae and miae slowly warming up to him) like i said it is fine if he isn't perceived as a love interest but at the same time i find it a bit odd that soonkki put all this buildup into his appearance and eventually him to end up as the relationship developer for cheol and miae. like looking back at his chapters and his pov with miae it doesn't make sense to me at all.
also apologies if this sounds a bit dramatic or i am making stuff up: jisu is my favorite character and he is to me, the most interesting one, the way he was brought up into the narrative hinted that he is going to be an important character. now, i'm not so sure.
I can understand your worries and Jisu is indeed an enigma because he has a very limited perspective.
I truly think he's the third most important character. He's been featured in ads, merch, official illustrations and so on. We've seen his house, his mother, plus a few times his own memories. He shares significant plot elements with Cheol and Miae, like you mentioned the name tag is one of the most symbolic of them. Jisu's past (at least what we've seen of it) shares way too many parallels with the main characters only for him to be an insignificant character who only exists to fuel Cheol's jealousy. If I'm sure about one thing, it's that we're just starting to get to know him.
I don't know if Jisu likes Miae at this point. I think even if he does, he's not aware of it. Jisu likes seeing Miae happy and we already saw that he's willing to interfere from behind the scenes to make it happen when he tried to use the cigarettes. However, I don't believe he's a stalker and even if he likes Miae, it's a new development for him. Jisu seemingly didn't seem to want to reconcile with Miae until he started noticing the coincidences - and if there's some higher power involved in the story, it likely started to intervene once Jisu acknowledged its existence. Jisu might feel like it's fun being around Miae and helping her while he might not want to be friends with Cheol. Jisu seems to have a very unique perspective about the world so for him these feelings could coexist, who knows.
I also don't think Jisu dislikes Cheol solely because of Miae. I've written posts about this before, but there's a really good theory that Jisu hates the Cheol from the rumours who has a gangster-like reputation. Because we do not know why Jisu is so indifferent about everything, one can assume that Jisu was abused in some form due to his unique personality. We've actually seen him getting bullied, the question is whether a person of authority like a teacher also left a bad impression on him. Jisu seems to openly show his dislike towards Cheol when he's being demanding, or from what his perspective it could seem like Cheol tries to overpower Miae. We know it's NOT true, but we do get Cheol's insight as readers. This is just a theory though, could be wrong. There are so many theories about Jisu in the KR fandom, this is just one of them, there's also the airplane theory and other interesting takes, so it's no surprise you also raised these questions! 🧐
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Hi. so this is probs gonna be a long ask which i apologize for bc i'm a complete stranger LOL but i've been thinking about your dragon install concept since i saw it last night and i wanted to give you my full opinions on it bc i didn't want to blast your notifs with a wall of text in tags
so, for my personal thoughts (because i definitely think we have overlapping interests here esp since you brought up burning godzilla as an inspiration in that post and godzilla vs destoroyah is one of my favorite movies), i think if i were going to draft a scenario where sol is taken over by the FoC, i'd definitely lean into a more biological feeling, if that makes sense. my main hooks for this thought process are 1. while i can't speak on sin devil trigger bc i haven't played any devil may cry games, that is sort of what burning godzilla had going for it (and godzilla as a series hasn't been adverse to leaning into a more body horror adjacent focus with the king of the monsters, ie with shin godzilla) and 2. i think it makes a really interesting thematic parallel to justice. because obviously justice is like, she isn't a machine strictly but she does have a distinct bio-mechanical element to her, so i think its interesting to make a full gear sol go in the opposite direction and have a more visceral element to his design, if all that makes sense
if this comes off as like, rude or unsolicited at all i do sincerely apologize ^-^; bc i do like your concept a lot! i just have a lot of thoughts on this particular topic and i'm excited to see someone who's as interested in dragon install stuff as i am. peace up
Hey there! I don't get asks very often, so I'm pretty happy to be able to answer any of them.
I think you're right about a Full Gear Sol Badguy needing to lean into the biological features to contrast against Justice being so heavily bio-mechanically designed. She's a big Evangelion (which features beasts being bound in armor) reference in Xrd, whereas I think Sol should be something more like Godzilla or maybe Ultraman. A Kaiju, but depending on the circumstance I think he'd be designed with a more severe sense of horror (if he's a villain) or something a little more subtle (if he's still Sol). Either way, I think he leans into his Overture Dragon Install! Sort of like what you might get if you were to try and design an apex predator.
In the situation where Frederick becomes Justice, or whatever name you'd call him, I would think of a design that suggests that the fire is burning him from the inside out, which I guess is sort of body horror-esque? It would be inflicting a constant pain on his body, which would only serve to make him a more aggressive Command Gear, alongside being possessed by the Pope and blowing up Japan.
I did actually do a Sol-Justice swap once. I tried to make him look like a furnace being overrun by fire! His arms were made of fire. There's parts of that present in the Kaiju Sol too, because I have a tendency to design Sol's more monstrous forms like a physical shell being overwhelmed by its contents!
Admittedly, I'm not a Sol expert. Still, for someone like Sol who strives to keep his innards really far from the surface, something like that would be terrifying to experience. It's more important to be scary to him than it is to the "audience," I think.
"The Flame of Corruption exceeds even this physical vessel," is the description I think I used to describe the way fire explodes out of him, rather than just burning like a Charizard. Though, I should clarify and say the design isn't necessarily caused by the FoC overrunning Sol Badguy's human soul. He's still Frederick/Sol! He's just very on fire.
If I think about the Flame of Corruption as a sentient force influencing Frederick, then I think that the overlay of them would probably affect his psyche. However, if he keeps a cool head, then he'd be able to manage the form.
The design was influenced by the Kaiju fights in FFXVI, specifically Ifrit. At one point he fights a mountain! I thought to myself, "I wish Sol could have fought that giant form of Justice like that." I'd recommend looking up the fight, if you aren't saving the game for later. It's super cool, and if you like Dragon Installs, I think you'll see where the design comes from.
I really want a Guilty Gear Action Game while ArcSys is focusing on GG's franchise growth.
I'm glad to find people who enjoy Dragon Install! All my designs featuring Dragon Install designs do particularly well, so it's good to know we aren't alone.
Thank you for the ask!
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re. about
ren (or rimz for cool kids). he/him. twenty five. black. queer. neurodivergent.
i'm redoing this because i'm losing steam (thanks work) and i'm pulling back on a lot of projects to mostly focus on things that make me personally happy. as is the nature of my brain, i will still jump back and forth between projects when i lose the flow for another, but i’ve narrowed my important wips down to just three main ones. other projects are currently being shelved, or put to the side as half baked ideas that i still need to keep in the oven before i introduce them to anyone formally.
(so if you don’t see a wip listed in the wips tab, it’s either shelved indefinitely or i want to work on it on my own for a bit. you can ask me about my other wips if you know/remember them but i can’t guarantee i’ll answer about them at this time. this also doesn’t mean i won’t ramble about them when i feel like it.)
important sideblogs = no pressure to follow just fyi
@babylonsfalling -> all my fandom and other nonsense goes here
@todazzlingreading -> this is a personal checklist for things i want to read by y’all that i don’t have time or spoons to get to at the moment i see it. once i read a post there i’ll delete it from that blog and rb it over here with any comments in the tags :3
to find my art commissions, please look here: https://www.tumblr.com/vacantgodling/715216537870532608/commissions-are-open
re. disclaimers / interaction
i mainly write fantasy; it’s a broad overarching label that covers all of my interests and it’s my first love in writing. horror and horror adjacent elements always make an appearance in my works. i emphasize complex mlm relationships and male leads, and romance is a great love of mine as you’ll notice from the king of my current wips. worldbuilding is also a great love of mine. i also love writing smut and talking about my characters having sex.
as such some disclaimers: following me is a very much curate your own experience. i don’t want to hold back talking about adult and mature themes so if you’re uncomfortable with anything i talk about i’d just suggest you unfollow lol nothing personal.
i’m open to asks and talking about anything but there’s no pressure. anons are always cool. i’m probably not gonna do writing based tag games too too much bc writing has been nonexistent lately but character asks or ramble ones i will do :)
also, as a personal ask: please do not refer to any of my characters as babygirl or girlie(s). shit makes me squick thanks.
re. main wips
linked are the main tags & once i finish the wip intros for paramour and tcol (revamping them) i’ll link them as well. feel free to ask to be on the taglist for any of these (i’m going to do better with these) — taglists will be activated for all writing and official posts. this won’t include ask games or random babbling.
PARAMOUR || “saved” from an imminent social death through arranged marriage, HYACINTHUS SHRAPNEL is whisked away to The Chateau aux Aisles D’or, where an unlikely sexual relationship with his butler AMON leads to far more than he bargained for.
THE CHRONICLES OF LATHSBURY (check out the crash course HERE) || The Aegean Guild of Explorers, led by the mysterious newcomer to Lathsbury Madja Fandel welcomes its newest contingent after the guild bid: PIPER FAIRWIND a MBW with a fighting spirit and desire for money and glory, DEUX UNDERSHIELD a naive protector seeking answers for her brother’s spurn, SANDRA “SAN” DEARBORN a vicious hunter with a chip on their shoulder, CLEAR BRIGHTENDALE a medic with a host of dark secrets, and FORTE SYMPHONIA a ranger seeking his own destiny, are as ready as they’ll ever be to enter the fray, to conquer the mysterious and dangerous LABYRINTH. Forces that have been in motion since before their lives even began are finally reaching their peak, and the five of them will have to use everything they’ve learned and then some to stay alive.
re. navigation
talking -> musings and personal thoughts
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#also I'm also of the mind Haru speaks Eng pretty well!!#like for our headcanon for Haru its very proper since she learned it in an academic sense#meanwhile with Hayato he can speak rather natively [in the sense he can pick up colloquial terms!!]#so for us we like saying MiMoGo [Miruku/Momina/Gokudera] talks in Eng a lot fjfmf#but also Hayato acting like he doesnt care KRKRKEKKE#lowkey this is just me wondering but since Apple is Reborn's romantic partner#I cant help but think he tries very hard to be respectful of her??#and like if she's every annoying to him he grits his teeth and holds back [like he does with Reborn lmaoooo]#also again my mind wandering but I imagine meanwhile Takeshi is very casual#WHICH MAKES HAYATO LOSE IT BC YOU CANT JUST BE TALKING TO REBORN'S WOMAN LIKE THAT???#like you die if you want baseball idiot but you can make juudaime look bad you know!?
@dreamieparadise
Gonna answer your tags in a reblog (and under the cut!) because I have some thoughts and also wanna make some clarifications! Warning this is very long since I ramble too much so don't feel obligated to read it all akdsjhdsa
First, I so agree with your language takes! I also think Haru speaks very proper, and textbook English while Gokudera speaks very natively!
As for Gokudera and Apple!! ajshdda okay so the problem is that yes he is "respectful" to her in regards her being Reborn's partner often referring to her as "Signora" in a respectful manner when speaking to her or when referring to her to others. In a lot of different AUs he is mostly just respectful to her end of story. I can see them still bickering a little maybe but overall Gokudera isn't as blatantly rude about it /lh. But the manner in which she meets everyone in In Somnis/her main story is rather... Well, it's strange! I can't go into exact details here but Gokudera is very valid in viewing her with suspicion (and he's quite upset to learn when she does arrive she's staying at Tsuna's house since again he's very suspicious of her!) and to be honest... Apple isn't really the type of person to garner much respect from others haha... So there's definitely the thought of "what is someone like Reborn doing with a woman like this?? /neg"
And Apple is a little bolder at this point of her life too when they meet so she's not afraid either to argue back at him or tell him to show respects to his elders. To which he counters she hasn't done anything to earn any of their respects (and he's right! and Apple knows it too but doesn't mean she can't be salty because kids these days are so rude!). As for Reborn he does chide threaten him if he gets too disrespectful but at this point of the story too... It's a little hard to explain but Reborn knows it's very important for Apple to build her own bonds so he tries not to influence her relationships with the others too much at this point in time. So, he will intervene if too much disrespect is being shown (but rarely, especially with Gokudera, does it go too far because once again his suspicion is valid and plus Reborn and Apple's own relationship at this point of time is... complicated™). Also a little fun fact other than "signora" Gokudera also refers to Apple as "Reborn's woman" to others lol.
in regards to your tags specifically I do think though that I agree he would never be actively hostile towards her and more so he grits his teeth and "grins and bears it" when he finds her annoying, but Apple calls it out too which results in the arguing lol. And when he first does this he does panic a bit and looks to Reborn to gauge his reaction, and when he is met with a very neutral expression he sorta stops holding back as much if that makes sense! That being said he does get on the others (like Yamamoto's and Ryohei's) cases when they try to act too friendly or overly casual at first lol.
With time and development though their bond does get better and while they are not besties by any means their bickering is a lot less hostile and one could even argue it's friendly! <- Apple when she's being delulu /j
Oh, also one other thing that sorta adds to Gokudera's initial disrespect to Apple is the fact she really doesn't show much respect or courtesy to Tsuna mainly due to Reborn's influence (not to be purposefully mean!). An example (and a little sneak peak at a IS scene ;) ):
Tsuna: *places down a glass of juice for Apple* Apple: Thank you… Sawada.. san…? Reborn: Call him Tsuna :3 Tsuna: W-wha!? Reborn! Apple: oh okay 🥰! Tsuna: 😓
And that's just one example <3. So yes! Gokudera's blatant disrespect is kinda valid lmao. But like I said it gets better as Apple also develops her bonds with the others and with Tsuna!
And wow!! I rambled way too much but I hope that makes sense and gives some answers as to why Gokudera and Apple are the way that they are!
Me here suddenly for no reason and not prompted by our talks: so out of curiosity....what would Apple and Haru's relationship be like if they interacted?
Welcome to my humble abode and thank you for sending in this question!!!
In regards to the Apple and Haru relationship... To be honest they don't necessarily share a deep bond or connection but I still think it's fun regardless!
So, in my personal headcanon, due to Haru coming from a more academic background/family and her going to a fancy private school, I think she would speak English to a certain level of fluency! She still attends Apple's little English lessons with the other girls to help her fluency and improve her speaking skills but she's quite good with English on her own!! (if anyone is reading this and is confused please see this post ♡ in which I go over some language headcanons) I also think Haru (and Kyoko!) would act as like guides for Apple when she first arrives in Namimori happily showing her the sites and Haru translating or explaining anything Apple doesn't understand at first. Also don't tell Gokudera (he is well aware actually and says he doesn't care) but Apple prefers Haru as a guide and translator since she's much nicer😤!
Other than that they will enjoy desserts together and overall Apple thinks she's a sweet girl... A little odd at times but she really can't be judging. If anything she finds her quirkiness endearing more than anything else since Apple knows too many people who are quirky but not so harmless or nice haha... Though when she sees Haru acting especially strange Apple tends to just walk the other way lol. She's like "that ain't got nothing to do with me." /lh And I think Haru will also think Apple is a cool older/big sister type person (don't look too deep though Haru and see she's not cool at all). Kinda like Bianchi! though I don't think they would get as close as Bianchi and the girls do or share that kind of bond but I think she would have the same level of respect for Apple!
#gosh this is so messy and rambly i hope it's at least semi-comprehensible akjhdsa#pls ignore all the mistakes <3#but yes so I can't go into much detail but here is what i can share I think!#canon: gokudera hayato#Canon: reborn#oc: apple#dreamieparadise#replies
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do you have any advice for self discipline? idk if you struggle with procrastination as well sometimes but you seem to be on top of your studies (i think in some of your tags you once mentioned that you finished all your assignments very early) i have very important exams coming up (if i fail them i'll have to repeat a whole year of school) and even though i know how important it is for me to study i just can't bring myself to even start.. i'm just paralyzed with fear bc i've already wasted so much time and it's impossible to catch up/revise everything now bc i'm running out of time. i think the sheer amount of material i have to study scares me off even more but the longer i wait the worse it gets obviously. i just hate that even though i am very aware of all this i just can't stop self sabotaging i hate myself so much 😭 another problem is that i'm such a perfectionist so if i know i can't do it perfectly i don't even bother but at this point i just need to pass bc i definitely don't want to repeat a year.. sorry this got so long and i know ultimately i just need to sit my ass down and study bc i'm the only one to blame (i had plenty of time to study these past weeks but i just rotted in my room ��) but you always are so sweet and insightful so i thought maybe you could give me some helpful advice? hope you have a nice day 💌
hiii! 🫶🏻 so i’ll preface this by saying that i’ve just always been used to having to do well in my studies so atp idek if it’s self discipline or more just a habit ? 🥲 but i also struggle with the same things sometimes bcs there are times where i put off studying certain things bcs im scared of failing TT so these are thing that imo help me!!
i always recommend ppl to repeat the stuff that u have to study/memorize out loud to someone bcs i think that helps u retain information, but i think that doing so by setting certain days to do so also helps in giving some organization! for instance i always repeat whatever im studying out loud to my mom (via zoom lol) and we do so by deciding to see each other on a certain day and on that day i have to repeat out loud to her a certain amount of chapters while she looks at my notes to check that im making sense. and we usually meet 2-3 times for that before my exam so first time i have to say half of the content, second time the other half, and third time i go through everything. does this make sense? and u can do it with whoever u want (parent, grandparent, friend, etc)! (tho tbh studying with a friend has never worked for me :p)
advice 2 sounds a bit odd and ik it doesn’t work for most but to me it works 🫠 when im in similar situations where i have So Much to study, first i read through all my notes* and then i take out a piece of paper and i write by hand** everything i remember. this way i see the main topics in the material and i go back to my notes and add some more important details to what ive written. this works especially well with courses where u just wanna pass and u don’t really care about the grade bcs this way u have a decent grasp on the main body of the course content! (**important to do this by hand bcs handwriting makes u retain info easier + *i always write summaries of the course content and the course progresses bcs then i know i’ll have my work cut out for me for the exam)
when u sit down to sit, put stuff that distracts u far away from where u are !! i kinda get distracted by listening to music lmao so when i study i make sure to put my headphones away from desk (lol), and then i hide my phone from my eyesight so then i can work for like an hour straight with no distractions 🤷🏻♀️
this is what comes to mind at the moment! anw best of luck for the exam !!! i know exams can be daunting when u are a perfectionist (😵💫) so i am rooting for u !!!!! 🥰💖🫂 as we say in italian, in bocca al lupo :)
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jealousy, jealousy || tom holland
sour masterlist || tom || sour taglist
906 words w: it's fucked up and it's inspired by some personal shit that i'm going thru, i mention some psycho shit italics are lyrics + important note at the end.
* * * *
Retweets.
Likes.
Reacts.
Shares.
Views.
Reblogs.
Followers.
Those are the main ingredients for relapsing in our insecurities. Those things make us drown in jealousy and anger. We claim that we’re happy for other people, but it’s hard to be happy for them if they get the things that YOU want. It feels unfair and it feels like being happy for them is rubbing salt in the wound.
We all have our winning moments, but sometimes we feel like our own winning moments aren’t enough to make us happy. So, when will we finally be happy? When we get a million followers? When we get a million likes, reblogs, and retweets? A billion views until it goes viral? Billions of shares until the app crashes? Truth is, we don’t know. We don’t know until we get there.
You knew that it was unhealthy for you to be jealous of some girl, but you were supposed to be in her place. The title of being Tom’s girlfriend is supposed to be and is rightfully yours. Somehow, everything became fucked up and Tom ended up with some other girl who clearly wasn’t you. You can’t help but feel as if the universe sabotaged you when in reality, Tom just met her and after a few dates, they’re now going steady. The universe had nothing to do with it.
Everyday, you keep refreshing her Instagram profile just to see if she posted a new picture or video or an Instagram story. You knew you shouldn’t do that, but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be happy for Tom, but he was supposed to be happy with you.
She was perfect. She had perfect teeth, perfect sense of style, perfect hair, she’s basically Little Miss Perfect and it’s actually sickening to think about it constantly. Deep down you knew you were just as pretty and just as perfect because fuck society and their standards, but you can’t let your thoughts go. You were sick of being yourself because you were convinced that you weren’t fun or interesting. You wanted to be her and it became an obsession.
You would always compare yourself to her and you would think about her often. Whenever you pick out an outfit, you’d always ask yourself if it’s something she’d wear. If the answer is no, you’d put the outfit back and look for another one. It was so unhealthy and everyone was worried about you. Tom didn’t know that this was going on, but everyone else noticed how weird you were being whenever Tom and his girlfriend were around.
“She went to Brazil with her friends recently. Tell them, babe!” Tom excitedly nudged her before she told her amazing vacation story. You wanted to roll your eyes, but you didn’t want everyone to see that. She was talking about the vintage clothes she bought there and her phone was passed around for everyone to see her photos in Brazil. Admittedly, you thought you were crazy for thinking these things. You should be happy for her and Tom, but it was difficult.
They say we shouldn’t bring down someone during their winning season because we don’t know how much they lost in their losing season. As much as you believed in that, you can’t help but feel that her win is your loss. Even though it’s not true, you still thought that way. You were tearing yourself apart over someone who wanted to be your friend, but your jealousy was hindering you from doing so.
You wanted to be her so bad that you swore to yourself that if you were a psycho, you’d probably wear her skin just to be her for at least a day. The only thing stopping you from doing so is the fact that you’re not a psycho and you’re a good person. Technically, you were capable of skinning someone alive and wearing their skin, but you choose not to listen to the call of the void. It would wreck you if you did.
It’s karaoke night and everyone was there. To get this off your chest, you decided to sing ‘jealousy, jealousy’ by Olivia Rodrigo. When you sang the bridge, you meant every word. Only Harry seemed to catch on as he listened intently.
All your friends are so cool, you go out every night
In your daddy’s nice car, yeah you’re livin’ the life
Go a pretty face, a pretty boyfriend, too
I wanna be you so bad and I don’t even know you
All I see is what I should be
Happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy
All I see is what I should be
I’m losin’ it, all I get’s jealousy, jealousy
When the song was over, everyone clapped and told you that you sounded really good. “Wow, I didn’t know you could sing like that, Y/N! You sound really good.” She smiled brightly at you. “I’m jealous. I wish I could sing like you.”
You wanted to tell her that you were jealous of her too because she got the man of your dreams, but you took the compliment because for once in your life, someone you’re jealous of is jealous of YOU. That’s so fucking rare and it doesn’t happen to everyone. For once in your life, you had the upper hand and it made you happy. Genuinely happy. In this round, you were finally better than her.
You stared at her and grinned, “Thanks.”
* * * *
i apologize to the writers in this site who im jealous of. there's so many of you, but i want you all to know that im sorry for feeling so jealous and insecure of my own shit that i let it get in the way of getting along with you. im sorry for cutting people off all bc i got consumed by jealousy and im sorry for being an asshole and i understand if the friends i used to have here won't want to talk to me anymore. it's all my fault and i'd be the cause of my own death, i swear. anyway, i wont tag any of you bc i want to avoid stirring shit up and also, none of you will see or read this. i hope you're all okay and i wish you guys everything good in this world. im sick of feeling this way. i need therapy.
to my friends @blueleatherbag @justasmisunderstoodasloki @hjoficrecs @allyz, i want to thank u for being super supportive and thank u for staying by my side when everything was rough. i love all three of you and im sorry if i dont say it enough.
𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @celestialholland @alinastarkrovs @piscesparker @prancerrparkerr @spideyspeaches @givebuckyhisplumsnow @blueleatherbag @theonly1outof-a-billion @hollandbroz-n-haz @starlight-starks @webmeupspiderdaddy @studiesinspanish @bi-lmg @minejungwoo @blossomhollands @markhyucksmells @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @simonsbluee @itszulli
#tom holland#tom holland blurbs#tom holland x reader#tom holland x y/n#sour album#petersasteria#k's works#tom holland angst
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I posted 14,506 times in 2022
That's 2,162 more posts than 2021!
157 posts created (1%)
14,349 posts reblogged (99%)
Blogs I reblogged the most: (breaking the @ so I don't have to show up in people's notifications lol)
@ possum-tooth
@ gxldandpurple
@ aspiringwarriorlibrarian
@ pinkyshy101
@ caspercryptid
I tagged 2,857 of my posts in 2022
#video - 336 posts
#kitty - 282 posts
#tag game - 215 posts
#space - 158 posts
#my posts - 114 posts
#chae-yeong - 102 posts
#ask meme - 94 posts
#ironwood - 81 posts
#rohan - 75 posts
#about - 57 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#james watching his wife beat the hell out of a man for disagreeing with her war crimes: hmm. think this might have awakened something in me
My Top Posts in 2022:
Rest of this is under the cut because some of them get LONG
#5
gxldandpurple: Have you ever traveled to a different country? If you haven’t, which one would be the first you would go to?
eumenidaes: Technically I left the US once bcs I went on a cruise when I was like 5 and we stopped at one of the islands in the Caribbean, but I don’t remember any details of it or even where specifically we stopped. I’d like to go to South Korea one day tho, I’m part Korean but have always felt kinda disconnected to that aspect of my culture for a number of reasons (I’m a quarter Korean and white, American assimilation means I didn’t learn pretty much anything about my background growing up, etc). idk if going there would really help with that, but it would be cool to get to go there and like. Learn more about that part of my background, if that makes any sense
5 notes - Posted September 28, 2022
#4
22 for the Spotify ask meme!
It didn't take nearly as long as I expected it would, but the short story's finished! Thanks for exchanging requests for art with our number 22 songs with me lol, this song is Oh No! by MARINA (tho for some reason it looks like spotify moved around some of my songs and it's not there anymore??? idk, I'm not changing it to be another song when that other one was also requested lol)
I tried to incorporate themes from the song of things like neglecting personal relationships due to a desire to succeed and make a change in the world/life. This is focused on my RWBY OC, Chae-Yeong Vermeil, and you can also read it on ao3!
“Miss Vermeil! Chae-Yeong!”
Chae-Yeong turns at the sound of her name to see the familiar cheery face of Ashley Linden making her way through the first floor of the Vermeil Foundation building.
The musician has become a familiar face at the charity’s headquarters over the past couple of months, and as much as Chae-Yeong’s inclined to believe people are good, she can’t help wondering if Ashley’s just here out of a desire to help people in Mantle. She’s well aware that Ashley insists on making her donations to the charity with Chae-Yeong personally, and that she’s been known to leave upon finding out that Chae-Yeong isn’t there today. It's clear that she doesn’t like staying in Mantle for long. That combined with how even now, Ashley casts a quick glance downwards towards Chae-Yeong’s chest makes her main intention for being here clear— she’s attracted to Chae-Yeong, and she wants to get close to her.
If she were twenty years younger and not used to people who don’t even know her pining after her, Chae-Yeong might be flattered. But she is forty-six, and Ashley is twenty-eight, and Chae-Yeong has long since moved past enjoying people she barely speaks to wanting to date her. There are far more important things in the world, like running her company, working on developing space travel, and trying to improve Atlas and Mantle for everyone in it.
But Chae-Yeong knows how to play nice. She has an image to upkeep, and whatever feelings she holds privately don’t need to be shared with anyone.
“Hi, it's Ashley, right? How are you?” Chae-Yeong asks. She knows exactly who Ashley is, but pretending she’s bad with names is all part of the act. It also might deter her from continuing to pursue her.
She hopes this won’t take long. She has work to do. Neither the Vermeil Foundation of Vermeil Industries run themselves, and even if her job as CEO isn’t meant to keep her involved with what’s happening in her company, she likes to be. Chae-Yeong would rather sit through mind numbingly boring meetings and seemingly endless emails than do nothing but play golf and only ever interact with people that are inordinately wealthy. Besides, her involvement in her company’s practices and its charitable offshoot means that she can make sure that everyone working for her is getting treated well.
“I’m great, for sure,” Ashley says. She fiddles with the end of some of her long blonde hair. “Actually, I was just looking for you.”
“Yeah?” Chae-Yeong prompts.
“Are you doing anything tonight?”
And there’s the question Chae-Yeong had been waiting for. Honestly, she’s impressed. It usually takes even less interaction with her for someone to get bold enough to ask her out.
The answer will, of course, be no. The question is how to phrase the rejection without upsetting Ashley too much or letting her get far enough to feel humiliated.
“I’ve actually got a date later tonight. I don’t know how well it’ll go, but I might be, ah, unavailable for a long while after that,” Chae-Yeong says. It’s a complete lie, but those can make the best excuses. Plus, it helps her to maintain the playgirl reputation she’s cultivated over the years.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in a relationship,” Ashley says, and she’s mastered the Atlesian art of burying your feelings deep inside. There's disappointment clear in her eyes, but her expression remains bright as if she hadn't been hoping that Chae-Yeong was single.
Chae-Yeong is in a relationship, but that’s not something that anyone is supposed to know about. Everything between her and James is supposed to be private. If she were telling anyone about it, the last choice would be a pop star that would tell the tabloid’s that Atlas’ general and the CEO of Vermeil Industries are dating.
“It’s nothing too long term, just our second date,” Chae-Yeong says. It’s best to keep these made up relationships short, that way it’s harder to fact check.
“Yeah, that’s pretty early on,” Ashley agrees, and Chae-Yeong recognizes the way her eyes regain their light at the thought. With a short relationship, she sees opportunity. If they’re only in the getting to know you phase still, it could be brief. Maybe Ashley won’t try to ask Chae-Yeong out now, but she will again in the future, after this fictionalized relationship has fizzled out.
Chae-Yeong knows that she’s only creating an endless cycle with this by lying and acting like if she was single, Ashley would have a chance with her. But outright rejecting Ashley would only upset her. At least this option gives her hope, even if it is a false one.
“Sorry if you wanted to do something, though,” Chae-Yeong says.
“It’s fine, don’t worry. I hope your date goes well!” Ashley says, even though she definitely doesn’t hope it goes well.
“Maybe we can get a rain check?” Chae-Yeong suggests. “I should be free at… some point. I’d have to check my schedule, it’s hard to keep track of everything.”
It isn’t, and Chae-Yeong knows exactly when she’s free. But this is another part of her public persona, and it gives her a good way to postpone any future attempts by Ashley to ask her out.
“Yeah, we can figure it out later,” Ashley says. She rocks back on her heels. “I guess I should let you go, huh?”
“If you don’t mind. I have a lot going on, well, pretty much all the time,” Chae-Yeong says with a laugh. That’s not a lie, but it’s also a good way to get out of this conversation.
“No worries,” Ashley assures.
“Thanks so much.” Hoping to avoid getting caught up in more conversation if Ashley thinks of anything else to say, she starts walking towards the elevator. “See you later!”
With a press of a button, the elevator is called to the first floor. It arrives with a ding as Ashley says her goodbyes, and Chae-Yeong steps in, waving one last time before the doors close.
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5 notes - Posted December 2, 2022
#3
If anyone wants to know how unhinged about Ironwood I am, I did a sporcle where you were supposed to write out his entire ultimatum and I was stumped bcs I had literally one word of it that I couldn’t figure out bcs the word I thought was supposed to go there was said to be wrong. It turns out it’s bcs I knew the monologue better than the quiz did

5 notes - Posted November 3, 2022
#2


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5 notes - Posted April 17, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Love tumblr ads that clearly were not supposed to be published
29 notes - Posted February 8, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#my posts#here's hoping this doesn't still annoy people in their mentions despite me breaking that lol
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(I saw your tags and I have to say, don’t feel bad about sounding bitter BC IM THE SAME WAY 🤣 I’m a Mystic Messenger Stan, and I’ve raged about how my fave ML deserves so much more than what he’s received. In my humble opinion it’s correct to defend our boys into the grave LOL)
EXACTLY! The entire reason I fell in love with Artem was bc he’s (supposed to be) a complete dork! Like when he tried, and miserably failed at, telling a joke??? And Rosa laughing bc she understood what he was trying to do??? That scene lives in my brain rent free bc it’s so Artem and so stupidly sweet and so unbelievably funny. Or him taking notes on an office romance show? I LOVE HIM 😭 and the way he gave Rosa an opportunity to reject him is EVERYTHING! To bring up Vyn and Luke as comparisons again, both leads try to make a decision for Rosa or in Vyn’s case, try to get her opinion to sway in their favor. Luke tried to make Rosa reject him, which obviously didn’t go according to plan, and Vyn got the outcome he wanted because he facilitated an environment where Rosa could fall in love with him. Both leads start their relationship on very very rocky footing, but as their respective relationships mature, they get healthier. Whereas with Artem, he was simply Artem. He was himself in all his insecurity, awkwardness, and dorkiness. Rosa very naturally came to love Artem exactly where he was at. And this is a big reason why I’ve always believed that if Rosa was to ever date someone in the Main Story, it would be Artem. He takes care of her in a way the other leads(still can’t speak for Marius) don’t and they have a mutual respect for each other that can easily lead to a much deeper relationship than work partners.
UGH AND YOU’RE SO RIGHT ABOUT NEIL! I hadn’t noticed it until you mentioned it, but now that you have I can’t unsee it! Neil was such a huge part of Artem’s life and a good majority of his early stories mention him at least once. That just goes to show how important Neil is to Artem. It shows how devastated Artem would be if Neil betrayed NXX. Of course, there is the possibility that Artem’s grieving heart somewhat healed, during the course of his relationship with Rosa, but if the writers wanted to express that sort of development it should’ve been shown to us rather than dropping Neil without a word.
Artem being an insane freak is such a weird idea and I’m not sure how I feel about it being our current reality 🤣 I ranted about this recently, but one of my favorite things about Artem is the way he looks at Rosa. It’s such a tender and gentle gaze that clearly communicates how much he cherishes Rosa, long before they even start dating. It completely counteracts the Cold CEO expression that he wears when he’s working AND the idea that he’s a daddy dom! Instead, it openly communicates to the viewer that he is the farthest thing from cold and domineering. ALSO the fact that the writers are trying to convince us of Artem being a freak is completely shattered when they give is normal Artem behavior! Like in the Cue the Champion event, they mention that Artem keeps a polite distance from Rosa whenever they’re in public, which signals to me that he’s still very shy about openly displaying his affection for Rosa. Or in his Belle Nuit d’Amour card when he got embarrassed about his mom seeing them kiss! Sure, they can have moments alone while in public, but past records have shown that Artem is usually only comfortable with holding hands, maybe a peck, and I loved that for him. If the writers really wanted to increase the amount of physical affection between Artem and Rosa, there are so many different ways they could’ve done it. Using Luke again as an example, Rosa and Luke are very awkward in the beginning of their relationship bc they’ve been friends for so long, but over the course of their relationship they naturally become more physically affection with each other in a way that differed from their friendship. The Lukeout, Fire! Event is a prime example of how openly affectionate the pair are without crossing over into weird territory. It’s just simple, and more realistic, forms of affection.
Good to hear the 3rd anni card isn’t entirely awful, tho I do fear a boring story LOL
You came up on my recommended feed at the perfect time bc I have Artem brainrot rn AND YOUR ANALYZATION OF ARTEM’S CARDS ARE FANTASTIC! I’m one of the few players that avoids most CN server spoilers, and I’ve been abstaining from pulling most cards so I can pull for 3rd anni(which now I’m kinda questioning if I should LOL), so I missed out on a TON of content for all of the male leads. BUT, from the very few cards I had pulled this past yr, I did notice an odd shift in Artem’s personality. Although, I wasn’t too sure if it was just me being dumb or if it was a real thing that was happening. And after reading some of your posts I kinda want to re-read Artem’s Second Anni Card again bc I was so excited for the artwork from that event, that I didn’t pay much attention to the story LOL However, now that I’ve seen what you’ve said and what many other Artem fans have said, I’m sure my feelings weren’t wrong. And now I’m sad 😢
Artem was my favorite bc his relationship with Rosa felt the healthiest and was built on respecting each other’s boundaries, learning how to set boundaries, and working as a team, while also having a more traditional framework of a male leadership role(which I’m extremely fond of). Artem never restricted Rosa from spreading her wings as his work partner or as his life partner, he simply asked if he could come along beside her where ever she wanted to go. AND LIKE HIS ORIGINAL PERSONAL STORY IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THIS BEHAVIOR! Rosa makes a reckless decision to go get evidence, without Artem, for a the domestic violence case they were working on and almost gets hurt in the process. After that, Artem scolds Rosa for being reckless and for not taking better care of herself. And Rosa doesn’t take it lying down either! They equally argue and get their grievances out in the open, feel bad about later, and apologize. (THE COMMUNICATION IS SO REAL 😩) FURTHERMORE! This incident leads them to learning and understanding how differently they work as lawyers. Artem learns that Rosa is a lot more personal with her clients and handles her cases with an empathetic approach, while he works more pragmatically, so through this case they learn to work to each other’s strengths as partners, covering for what the other person lacks. And the chapters this incident took place in solidified my growing love for Artem bc unlike Luke or Vyn(I’m not sure about Marius bc admittedly I haven’t read his original personal story 😅), Artem doesn’t hinder Rosa by being overprotective like Luke or push her beyond her capacities like Vyn tried to do in his original personal story. Artem allows a natural course of growth to occur in Rosa, while being a hedge of protection for Rosa BUT ONLY when she seems to REALLY need it, and the same can be said for Rosa towards Artem.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, sorry for ranting 😅
WAHHH YOU'RE TOO KIND!! ;_; thank you so much for the sweet words, it really means a lot!!! i'm so so happy you enjoyed my ranting and raving, honestly having a community of super awesome people to talk about this with has been such a comfort and ive made some awesome friends from my time here, even if we don't chat as much anymore!
and omg, do NOT ever feel bad for ranting in my inbox!!!! i've been ranting about tot in the main tag for two years at this point and i will Always be thrilled to read delightfully written meta such as yours!!!!!
i have to say, i entirely agree with all of this. and i mean ALL OF IT. his personal stories 2, 3, and 4 are my absolute favorites of his and gosh that's like. prime artem to me, i think. your ask reminded me of some meta i read such a long while ago about his second personal story (link can be found here, it's SUCH a good read)
i think a huge issue is that artem originally always felt like the antithesis to your typical daddy dom boss character. when you start playing tot, appearances wise, he looks and even comes across as one. but these initial appearances are quickly shattered.
he is absolutely inexperienced with interpersonal relationships. he fumbles the bag CONSTANTLY with rosa. he's terrible at holding conversation, he's constantly apologizing for being boring. he needs his own fucking boss to wingman (haha. wing) for him. he blushes if mc looks at him the wrong way. he's kinda strange. but he's earnest and genuine. he respects rosa's boundaries. he makes mistakes, but learns from them. he gives rosa time to think over her feelings for him so she can still say no to him if she changes her mind.
it's the contrast between this and his initial appearance that makes him interesting. what is extremely bizarre with artem's recent writing is it feels like someone who only read artem's introduction scene got some vague pointers and was like oh. your typical daddy dom boss guy. okay yeah i can write this. and then they did. which . defeats the whole entire point of what made artem compelling in the first place. he was compelling BECAUSE he subverted this trope. by just making him play the trope straight, you remove any and all intrigue from his character.
by not building off of older cards, you abandon all of the plot lines he had set up. they undid any angst in his stories. they dropped his issues with his parents. they downplayed neils impact on his life. he doesn't even grieve for him anymore. he doesnt even think about him most of the time. what happened to entwined fate? praying for neil's safety? what about neil being his father figure? neil potentially betraying the nxx? are we just going to ignore that now so we can watch artem be an insane freak who just apparently woke up with the skills of a sex god, forgot all of the lessons he learned, and doesnt care about consent anymore?
god, now IM ranting.... regardless. youre so right. i hear artem's newest cards are good so im praying those rumors are true : ((
EDIT: SORRY I MEANT TO TALK ABOUT HIS THIRD ANNIVERSARY CARD!!! it's not as bad as his second anniversary card. i know the bar is in hell but it's something. it's pretty contrived in the grand scheme of things (like why are they moving into a house...?) and has some weird moments, but is ultimately not as bad as it could have been in the slightest. i'd say its biggest crime is being boring as sin. holy fuck. i put that shit on 2x speed and i still found myself wanting to fast forward. like nothing happens at all???? it's so bizarre HAHA
#tears of themis#artem wing#long post#tears of themis artem#artem tot#rosa tears of themis#artem x mc#artem x rosa#tot artem#fiction
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#ShowYourProcess
From planning to posting, share your process for making creative content!
To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.
RULES — When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!
I was tagged by @milkcrates, who showed her process of making this gorgeous piece with Wei Wuxian and little A-Yuan!! It was awesome to see how it came to life - and thank you for tagging me! ✨
So I got tagged to show how this Yunmeng brothers + golden core art happened! I already included the digital sketch for it in my sketch vs final compilation, but I guess I can show some more!
This is gonna be long because I like talking a lot, so putting the rest under a cut!
1. Planning
SO. A golden core pic was on my to-draw list as soon as I finished watching the show. I had a WIP of a different pic for that waiting, but actually I noticed that a very similar thing has already been drawn, so that was kinda dropped. But I’m glad I waited until the idea for this one slapped me! It was pretty much a moment of “w a i t a second” and I had to grab a random piece of paper to sketch it while I still had it in my head.
This is the sketch - as you can see from the coffee stains, it has been through some stuff. On the left I actually tried out some different ideas for the golden core - the 1st one was the winner and led to the whole leaking/water/rain theme. I ended up mirroring the whole sketch because I didn’t want Wei Wuxian’s hand to cover Jiang Cheng’s front hair wisp, as that would make that area too crowded.
Meta-wise: I wanted to show that the whole thing was kept as a secret from Jiang Cheng. But we also knew about it - so Wei Wuxian is breaking the 4th wall and looking at us [the audience] directly, shushing to keep it a secret as well. Then there’s his hand hovering over the blindfold - it was included in the show, but also sprinkles in that extra symbolism. Then there’s the rain - the sky crying for the two brothers, so you’re not sure if those are raindrops or tears on their faces + lotus pond for the Yunmeng vibes. As for the golden core, I wanted to make it kinda messy and leaking like blood + shining and make it the main light source of the piece. Also kinda like a glow stick liquid.
I also like finding fitting music to go with my art and this one was actually supposed to go with Avicii’s Hey Brother, but when I was looking it up on Spotify I saw Kodaline’s Brother right above, gave it a listen and then the lyrics hit me. So I already knew that they’re gonna go in the caption. Also apparently it’s like The Song for them and yeah, makes sense.
2. Creating
2.1 Set up and tools
I use Paint Tool SAI + Wacom Intuos S to do all my art! The entire pic was made on a 2000 x 3000 px canvas, since I don’t like to work too big because of limited brush sizes in SAI + I don’t want to torture my laptop, as my art takes up quite a lot of processing power with a lot of layers and modes and sometimes things like to crash at the final steps 😬.
2.2 Planning and composition
So I started off by doing a digital sketch and focusing on the composition a bit more - I wanted something geometrical, so I went for the diamond shape with Wei Wuxian’s silhouette and the placement of the lotuses. Also the composition is vertical, all the important info is in the middle column - you could cut off 2/3 of the picture and it would still tell the story.
2.3 Lineart
Then I did the lineart over the sketch layer (there was a more detailed one than the “planning” sketch, but it looks like I deleted it once I finished). I usually draw more than I have to and on separate layers, so that I can move/modify things easily later - for example JC’s headpiece here didn’t really make it that much into the final piece but It Was There. Once I was satisfied with the lineart, I cleaned it by erasing overlapping things, like Wei Wuxian’s clothes behind Jiang Cheng’s head.
2.4 Planning the lighting
After doing the lineart I blocked the characters with a single color and planned the lighting. The golden core is the main light source here, so it dictates which parts are gonna be lighter and which darker (although there is gonna some ambient occlusion from the background + reflected light from the water). I also added water and lotuses in the foreground + painted the background.
2.5 Shading the characters
After that, I started shading the pic. I usually do two steps here - one with “base” shading - focusing on the details and values based on the light source, then the mood shading with more coloring - based on the setting the characters are in. The first one is mostly done with the Multiply tool and base layer blending/painting, the second mostly with layer modes like Overlay and Luminosity. I also colored some parts of the lineart to make the shapes stand out (see: wwx’s front hairs)
2.6 Environment and touch-up details
Then it was time for the water and lotuses + the “special effects” for the rain and all the stuff associated with it - water splashes, mist, sparkling drops! Also some more mood lighting. Lots of new layers to keep everything organized and separated.
2.7 Finished pic
And done! After finishing I usually adjust the contrast/gamma/saturation of my art (or just edit it all in curves) + sometimes sharpen it to bring out details → I make a few different versions and pick the one that works the best. Although with this pic I was satisfied with the raw result so no major changes happened.
3. Posting
For posting I always scale down the pictures and upload them as a draft on this art blog. Then I check if things look okay on mobile as well - from what I’ve noticed my phone makes everything more warm-toned. Depending on the time I finish drawing, I either post it right away or wait until the next day, when there is more traffic on tumblr. I finished this one around 8PM of my local time, which is fine - so I posted it right away (also I was just excited, couldn’t wait 😅)!
As caption I used the lyrics from Brother by Kodaline, as mentioned before!
So yeah, that would be it!
If you made it till this part - thank you and I hope you have an awesome day! ✨
Let’s keep the artist vibes here - I’m gonna tag (not 5 ppl but shh) @still-snowing and this piece that still breaks my heart @driszol and this Song Jiyang pic that lives in my head to this day @kushexi and this pic with fox Wei Wuxian and A-Yuan bc it still makes me melt → no pressure of course! or if you want to do some other piece that’s awesome as well!
#showyourprocess#[and now tags for my own blog →]#not art#art process#oh this was fun - thank you for tagging me!!#always crying abt those self-sacrificial siblings :'')
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a law divine - 1
soulmate au!ezra/reader
this is solely the fault of one single anon who called out something i put in the tags and now it’s a whole universe but you know what?? it’s the love of my life. anon i hope u see this 💛 i also just want to say i know there isn’t A Lot of soulmate talk in this one but it’s important for the narrative okay bear with me
playlist // series masterlist // main masterlist
word count: 7.2k (a Big Boy)
warnings: swearing, my usual allusions to smut bc we keep things neutral in this house, brief food/alcohol mentions, 18+ please no babies
It might be the ugliest ship you’ve ever seen.
Not that you’re really one to judge, the one you charter out when you’re running point on a job is a mismatched patchwork of rusty panels held together with electrical tape and hope. If there’s the slightest possibility you might be a teeny tiny bit disappointed in it, it’s only because agency jobs are usually a little cushier. A little safer for once. You could do with a bit safer.
Your family might prefer a lot safer, but you’d sooner take your chances in open space without a suit than take a job working scrapyards. At least risking your life on digs gets a decent payout.
“You the danger mouse?”
It’s not an accent you hear often on the Pug, the majority of the station’s population is human, but you turn with a smile to meet the bright purple eyes of the Thanne. Armour-strong scales and sharp teeth, but he seems kind and mild mannered despite his clear predatory biology. You nod as you readjust the pack on your shoulders.
“I’m Iras.” He holds his hand out to you. A distinctly human gesture made a little awkward by the sharp edged scales and extra fingers, but you shake it nonetheless. He’s your captain for this job after all. You wonder where a Thanne became so well versed in human custom, the species as a whole tend to keep to themselves instead of branching out into the universe like so many others, until his crew members appear on the boarding ramp.
Iras gestures to each of them in turn. Summer, a blonde woman with dark skin and a kind smile, and Milo, an older man with a swirling tattoo above his left eyebrow that matches the navy blue of his eyes.
“Is it just us?” You ask. You could have sworn there was a fifth name on the manifest you’d been forwarded, but teams are always subject to change. You just hope you’ll have your own room.
“Ezra always leaves things down to the wire, he’ll show up right before we’re due to push out.” Summer laughs fondly, throwing an arm around your shoulders like she’s known you her whole life. You’re usually a little wary with brand new teams but the way she’s already chatting away makes you feel at home. The last agency job you were sent on got dicey, fast, somehow you’re sure the same won’t happen with this lot.
“There he is.” Milo leans out of the ship to point out into the docks.
You turn to see a man sauntering through the throngs of harvesters towards the ship, and it’s odd. The rest of the crowd seems to melt away as he closes the distance, even the weight of Summer’s arm on your shoulders feels not quite there. You take the moment to study him. He looks all business with his dark hair and his charcoal grey shirt and the neat pack slung over his shoulder, but his pants and boots have seen better days and the streak of blonde at his temple makes you smile. It’s nice to finally be with a crew without a single stuffy addition.
“It’s not often I get to congregate with like-minded souls.” He grins when he’s in earshot, a flash of something feline in his eyes. You don’t want to admit that you like it.
“Like-minded?” You tilt your head at him as you follow Summer up the ramp and into the ship. Ezra slips in behind you just as it starts to raise. Just like the others said.
“We’ve all got the same death wish, Sunspot.”
The launch, at least, is smooth despite the beaten up ship and it’s only about twenty minutes before you’re far enough from the Pug to punch a lane to the next system over. At least it isn’t far, there’s only a day between now and making planetfall. Somehow, you’re not surprised to find that it’s more of a barracks and bunk beds situation rather than each having a private quarters. Last time you were hired by the agency, you definitely got your own room. But it gives you a chance to chat with the others as you unpack.
Milo explains the air isn’t breathable, so he’ll need to double check to make sure everyone’s filters are running at capacity. But he reassures you that it’s a comfortable temperature, so it’s good to know you won’t be sweltering in your suits or freezing your asses off.
You pick the bed on the wall beside the door, taking out a few essentials from your pack and tucking the rest safely away in the storage compartment. Just as he did back at the docks, Ezra is the last to find his way to the room. He settles his things on the bunk opposite yours because the universe has it out for you, apparently.
“Did I hear one of them call you the danger mouse?”
You struggle not to roll your eyes at the nickname awarded to anyone stupid enough to do your job, although admittedly he doesn’t sound like he knows why. You offer him your name instead and pretend the way he rolls it around in his mouth doesn’t send a shock right down to your bones. You’re not in the habit of sleeping with colleagues, not until the job’s over at least. But you’d be lying if you said you’re not tempted.
“They call me in when a site’s unstable but too profitable to close.” You answer, tugging your sleeves up as the climate control settles to a comfortable temperature.
Ezra raises an eyebrow, waiting for you to continue, and you pull off your gloves. They land on your thin mattress as you hold your hands out between you. Not even the slightest twitch.
“Steadiest hands on the Pug.”
“So they are.” There’s a challenge in his voice that threatens to send a shiver up your spine. It’s clear he doesn’t doubt your skill in the field, but the return of that glint in his eye from the docks has you wondering exactly what else he’s thinking about as he studies your hands. It’s not hard to work out.
It’s been so long since you had to travel out of the system, you forgot how much inter-system lanes can fuck with the human brain. You’re half asleep for the thirty minutes you spend sorting your things for the morning, barely enough energy to change into the sweatpants and ratty t-shirt you call pyjamas, before you crawl into bed and settle down almost immediately.
Only you don’t get to sleep for as long as you’d like. The rest of the crew seem to have filtered in after you, the shift of sheets and snores float through the dimmed room. Except, it’s not just that. There’s shuffling and bed creaking from further down the line of bunks. A hushed giggle sounds in the silence and-
Oh god. Oh no.
They’re not. They can’t be, they- they are.
You’re very awake all of a sudden, eyes wide as you keep them firmly on the ceiling and wishing as hard as you can for an alarm to start beeping or something. Anything to get whoever’s banging Summer to stop. A deep voice hushes her when she laughs again. Iras. Knowing is somehow worse. The mechanics- you don’t even want to think about it.
You turn onto your side slowly, but loud enough to hint that maybe they should find somewhere else for their escapades, and fold your pillow around your head as a kind of makeshift set of earmuffs. Whether they’ve quieted down or it muffles the noise, you’re not sure, but it seems to have worked enough. You catch Ezra’s eye in the almost-darkness, much in the same position as he holds his pillow over his own ears.
It’s embarrassing for the both of you, even as you share a conspiratorial look. But somehow, it’s less awkward to have to hear Iras and Summer going at it when you know he’s awake. He winces when a particularly loud squeak echoes through the room, and it takes everything in you not to bust out laughing. You fall asleep again eventually, making faces at Ezra in the dark until neither of you can keep your eyes open anymore.
You’re surprisingly well rested come the morning, when the whole ship jolts as it punches into the system and you’re almost thrown out of bed. So much so that it’s easy to forget that you woke up at all until you shuffle into the main living compartment of the ship. One of the crates by the wall has been cracked open, Milo hands out granola bars for breakfast.
Summer and Iras are sitting in the same chair, feeding each other, and it might be cute if you’d been awake longer and hadn’t been woken up by their activities in the middle of the night. You slump into a free chair, face twisted in disgust for a moment. You’re pretty sure nobody else sees until Ezra laughs and drops into the seat beside you. They’re nice people, from how they took you as a friend immediately, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s just a bit much for your perpetually single heart to take.
“It’s a week-long job, they can’t take a break?” You watch as they finally pry themselves apart to start, you know, actually working. But not without a genuinely gross kiss that definitely toes the line of public decency. Suddenly the half-eaten bar in your hand isn’t all that appealing anymore.
“Soulmates take no breaks, Sunspot. I’m sure yours would be hard pressed to be anywhere but in bed with you whenever they get the chance.” Ezra winks and it takes you a moment to remember where you are. A glance at the pair makes your new knowledge obvious, the way they seem to be touching, even now, on opposite sides of the room.
“I’m not sure I believe in all that red string stuff.”
Once the ship is safely landed a short walk from the site, the days you spend digging pass with ease. The deposit is a decent size, it takes all five of you to cover it completely, and the payout should be enough to keep you all comfortable for a little while even with the agency’s cut. The crew around you fill the time enough that you barely notice the week coming to a close.
Summer sings in the mornings as she cleans her equipment and readies her pack for the day. Miles talks gently to the cells as though they can hear him, shushing them any time he worries a gem might corrupt. Iras seems to have a secret superpower when it comes to the ration packs, they always taste better when he’s the one on lunch duty. And Ezra spends the afternoons regaling you all with tales of ancient beasts, laying eggs that fossilise into the very gems you’re harvesting. Although you’re not sure how true they are.
You almost get through the whole dig without a hitch. Almost. But aurelac is a tricky thing, even a change in the wind can turn a site for the worst. You’re all sitting around at lunch when it happens. The telltale smoke wafts up into the air for no visible reason at all and although you’ve collected enough to cover the quota, you’d still rather not lose viable gems.
“Get to what you came here for.” Iras gestures in your direction and you dive into the pit head first.
You’re not even sure you stop to think as you follow the harvesting steps at lightning speed, salvaging half the corrupted cells before someone tugs you out by the collar of your suit. The rest of the site starts to smoke the moment you’re out of range, spitting and hissing and rendering the rest of the gems worthless.
“Danger mouse indeed.” Ezra chuckles over the comm system, hand still fisted in the fabric of your suit. For once, the nickname makes you smile.
While you all go your separate ways after the ship has docked back on the Pug, Summer makes you all promise to meet later at a club you’ve only heard of in your friends’ messy night out stories. Still, you pinky swear when she holds her hand out to you and try to remember if you have a single item in your wardrobe that’ll pass as club attire. Or at least something that isn’t so worn there are holes in it.
Even if it’s a song he knows, there’s no chance that Ezra could recognise it with the volume cranked so high through the cheap speaker that everything but the beat is distorted. Still, it doesn’t stop people from dancing.
He’s a little late, as usual, but he doesn’t need to worry as Iras appears behind him and claps a hand on his shoulder, pointing to a booth across the room where Milo is looking increasingly uncomfortable.
It doesn’t take long for Ezra to spot you and Summer in the middle of the dance floor, as he follows Iras around the edge of the space to the booth Milo’s claimed. You’re both more jumping than dancing, yelling the unintelligible lyrics of the song into each other's faces. He can’t hear your breathless laughter as Summer spins you in a circle, smile wide and bright, but he can feel it in his ribs. The drums of the song kick in at the same time the swirling lights of the club light you up like some kind of celestial being, just as you catch his eye through the crowd. And everyone else disappears. The rest of the world, rest of the universe, fades into the background. Just like they did the first time he saw you, glaring suspiciously at the ship on the docks.
Summer’s dragging you back to the table when the song comes to a close, the both of you out of breath and laughing, and Ezra has to try desperately to remember how to speak when he watches a little bead of sweat slide down the side of your neck. And stop himself from just licking a line straight up it. His silent suffering only increases when Milo holds out a shot of the most potent alcohol the Pug has to offer and you down it without so much as a flinch, winking at him when you return the glass to the table for good measure.
Milo calls it a night only an hour later, clearly only having braved the crowds of the club to celebrate the job. Summer and Iras are tangled in each other on the dancefloor, or the booth, as they keep the shots coming. You, at least, decide to keep your wits about you, declining every drink after the one Milo had handed you. Nobody’s going to fuck with a Thanne, even in as seedy a club as this, so you don’t worry about Summer as she gets sloppier and sloppier. But there’s no spiky non-human boyfriend looking out for you down here, it’s just you and the knife you keep at your hip.
You pull yourself from the dance floor, eyes tracking the room for the missing member of your party, until you feel a set of eyes on you from above. Ezra’s leaning on the bannister of the stairs, his unflinching gaze set solely on you. And you can’t help but smile. You follow him up to the mezzanine without hesitation when he glances upwards and back to you. The buzz of the shot has mostly faded from your veins, replaced by something much more dangerous by the way he’s looking at you. The way he’s looked at you since you met him.
It’s not hard to spot your friends from up here, leaning over the barrier with Ezra to people watch. He crafts stories about every stranger who catches his eye. The man hunched over the bar in a beaten up jacket, the waitress who fiddles with her necklace any time her hands aren’t occupied, the pair of lovers tucked away in the dark corner on the other side of the mezzanine. You find yourself sliding closer to him the more he talks, wrapped up in the warmth of his voice even in the rundown club. Your shoulder knocks into his as you mindlessly bop to the music and listen to his made up stories. Utterly enchanted. It’s hard to remember a time when you felt this way with anybody, if you ever did at all. To tell the truth, it’s hard to remember anyone before Ezra. And neither of you have even made a move yet.
He's got his arms braced on the barrier, and you find yourself lifting the one closest to you so you can slip in between them. Surrounded on all sides and you couldn’t feel more comfortable. To his credit, he doesn’t falter in his vivid storytelling about the group now settled in the booth your crew had claimed earlier, not even a stutter as you turn in his arms to face him. He’s decided they’re here to celebrate the beginning of a new job, rather than a successful harvest. His eyes flick to you for the barest moment, enough to notice yours are firmly focused on the way his lips move around his words, before searching the club below for another story. Another way to keep his mind and mouth occupied so he doesn’t accidentally admit all the sinful things he wants to do to you when you press your ass up against him like that.
“Ezra.”
He shouldn’t be able to hear you over the music, but you’re nose to nose and he’d be hard pressed to ignore the way you practically purr his name. He’s expecting you to make another flirty comment in that voice that sends his mind reeling into all manner of indecent places the same way you have been all night.
“Can I kiss you?”
He doesn’t expect you to just outright ask him.
“Yeah.” Yeah. Hell of a time for his eloquence to fail, not that it matters anyway. You’re on him the moment he stops speaking.
It’s like the sun explodes inside him, the way his stomach bottoms out the second your lips touch his. There’s nothing soft about it, not the way he might have imagined there would be. If he’d been so bold as to let himself imagine what kissing you might be like. You’re all warmth and heat and you still taste a little bit like the shot you’d thrown back earlier, and he finds himself falling. Not that Ezra minds, he hopes his parachute never opens if it means you’ll keep kissing him like this.
You let your fingers roam under his jacket, twist themselves in the thin fabric of his t-shirt, and you sigh into his mouth. God, you knew he’d be good at this. His hands leave a trail of starlight as they trace over your body, never quite choosing a place to rest. They start to settle on your shoulders, only to skim down your arms and squeeze harshly on your waist, to play along the strip of skin he finds just underneath the hem of your shirt, to grip harder than he might mean to onto the meat of your ass through your pants. You gasp, break the kiss for barely a moment, and stop his apology in its tracks.
He doesn’t protest when you walk him backwards, still groping at each other like it’s just the two of you in the whole club. Ezra only groans when his back hits the wall and you push even closer into him, as if there was even any space left for air between your bodies already. He’s not about to complain. He could kiss you for a thousand years and it still wouldn’t be enough. It’’ll never be enough, not for a soul as hungry as his. You pull back too soon, far too soon, and it takes a solid minute for his brain to kick in and break the vice grip he still has a little too low for the public eye.
Oh, that look on your face. He’s in trouble.
“Where are you off to?” Ezra asks, flushed and breathless, a hand stretched halfway out to where you’re backing toward the stairs.
“Home,” You say with a sly smile, “You coming?”
He can’t push off the wall fast enough.
You don’t live far from the club, a ten minute walk at the most, but Ezra manages to make it a solid twenty with the way he keeps pulling you to him. Not that you’re about to complain. You’ve been waiting a week to let him get his hands on you. At the press of his lips on your neck, the shudder it sends down your spine, you wonder if part of you has been waiting even longer than that.
You’re trying, desperately, to type in the keycode to your apartment. If Ezra could calm down with the grabby hands, you might have gotten it right straight away.
“No roommates?” He asks, kissing along your shoulder, and you take the temporary reprieve to kick your brain into gear and remember the fucking numbers.
“Hugo won’t be too upset if I make him sleep on the couch.”
The door slides back into the wall to reveal a dark apartment, a strip of light from the hall falling on a very orange cat. He stares at you for a second, clearly not particularly pleased that he’s been so rudely roused from a nap, before he settles back to sleep stretched out on the couch cushions. Hugo. Ezra is silently relieved that the roommate is just a cat, he’s not sure he’s got the self control to stay quiet tonight. Or to make sure you do.
You waste no time once you gesture for Ezra to walk in ahead of you, flicking the switch on the wall to slide the door shut and pulling him back to your lips. He doesn’t hesitate to crowd you up against the cold metal.
Although you could devour each other until the closest sun explodes and swallows the station whole, Ezra has to break away. To think, to breathe, to tease you a little about the moan he just swallowed from you. But you beat him to it.
“Gotta catch your breath?” The smile on your face threatens to make his knees buckle, and with you pressed up against the closed door the way you are? He might just let them.
“What do you want, Sunspot?”
You left a lamp on in your bedroom, the door cracked just enough to let a little filter through to the main living space. Still, he’s almost completely silhouetted against the warm yellow glow. As if he’s some kind of ethereal being, maybe he is.
“Make me see the stars.” You pull him in as close as you can and let your lips brush over his as you whisper. His next words make you shudder almost as much as the way he drags the zipper of your jacket down, slowly, tooth by tooth.
“As you wish.”
And boy, does he deliver.
You’re expecting things to feel more unfamiliar than they do, as you explore each other for the first time, but it’s like you’ve been here before. Once, twice, a hundred times before. Every move feels oddly choreographed. Ezra knows exactly how to take you apart and put you back together again, the way he pulls every twitch and moan out of you so expertly. You’re no different, as your fingers map the plains of his chest like it’s muscle memory.
You shake it off, put the thoughts to the back of your mind. You’ve been around the block a little in your time on the Pug, it only makes sense that he has the same kind of experience. But shared experience or not, you can’t deny how much having him so close feels like a homecoming of sorts.
It’s the best sleep of your whole fucking life and, honestly, you’re not that surprised. Ezra makes a damn good pillow. Even if you both wake hours later into the day cycle than either of you normally would. Even if he’s more of a morning person than you are. It’s kind of nice, to sit still snuggled in your pile of blankets and watch him potter around your apartment as Hugo winds around his ankles like he’s been there for years.
Your fridge, however, is heartbreakingly empty and renders his offer of making breakfast pointless. Instead, he pulls his shirt on and offers to take you to the best little diner he knows, tucked away in the heart of the marketplace. It’s a hard offer to turn down.
“What kind of gentleman would I be to have so much income at my disposal and not treat such a beauty as yourself to a good meal?” He winks as he flashes his credit chit at you as if you didn’t scan in for your paychecks at the same time. You laugh as you empty a food pouch into Hugo’s bowl, and tell him he better show you all the good breakfast spots. You shrug off his raised eyebrow and mutters of a ‘next time’. As if he didn’t already know.
Still, Ezra takes you by the hand the moment your apartment door secures itself shut behind you, leading you through the hall and out into the street, and you’ve never felt more wanted.
It’s like everything’s brighter, walking leisurely through the bustling market stalls with Ezra. The smells are stronger as spices in the air cling to your nose, the cacophony of vendors calling out almost sounds like music, and you start to laugh. Hand in his, in the middle of the maze of stalls full of food and tools and trinkets. As if it’s just the two of you in the whole universe.
At least Ezra doesn’t look back at you like you’re crazy. He smiles too, just as big, and you feel bathed in warmth the same as when the sun comes out planetside.
You’re both still grinning when he leads you deeper through the market, down an alley and up a flight of stairs to an unassuming door.
“Is this where you murder me?” You joke just as the door opens to reveal a short older woman with an eyepatch, who pulls Ezra down into a tight hug as soon as he’s in arms reach. He introduces her as Merse, the woman who’s run the best diner no one’s ever heard of on the whole station. She slaps his arm for his cheek, but her grin grows twice as wide when she spots your intertwined hands.
Ezra pulls you through the doorway after him as he follows Merse, chatting about how she always keeps the best table open just in case he brings a friend and you try not to smile too wide when she wiggles her eyebrows at you. He says something to you, but you’re too distracted by the view from the big windows.
The far wall is completely glass, overlooking the main docks, lined with booths. A small family sits in one of them, their two children standing up on the seats to watch the ships come and go. You’ve never seen it from this angle before, always down in the masses and scanning the boards for new jobs. It’s kind of beautiful. In a rusty, patchwork sort of way.
Merse points you towards one of the booths with a promise that she’ll bring you the best breakfast you’ll ever have, something tells you she’s not lying.
It’s not long after you slide into the booth that she comes marching out of the kitchen with two plates, wafting steam that makes your mouth water and your stomach rumble. Rice and vegetables and eggs and all sorts of things you’ve never even seen pile high, and you’d worry you wouldn’t be able to finish it all if you weren’t so hungry.
“You know I won’t break, right?” You push your fork around in the remaining rice on your plate as you watch Ezra absorb your words. He thinks about it for a long moment, dark eyes over you before settling on your own.
“What’s this about?” He knows, you know he knows. More importantly, you know he’s going to make you say it. In the middle of the day cycle, in this family friendly diner.
“Just,” You exhale sharply, “Making sure you’re aware.” Your body floods with a shyness that’s alien compared to the confidence you had last night and suddenly, your breakfast is the most interesting thing on the Pug. You can practically feel him smiling at you, but you don’t dare look up to meet it.
He was right though, the food really is some of the best you’ve ever had.
It’s not until you’ve wandered back through the market, still hand in hand, and found your way back to your apartment that Ezra decides to bring it up. He may have been more than a little distracted last night, but he’s sure he spotted a set of old books sitting on a shelf above your couch. You freeze, ready to go on the defensive about how ink and paper will never be obsolete, until you realise he’s genuinely interested. He’s not judging you by any means. Something about the curiosity shining in his eyes makes your heart flutter more than you care to admit.
He could watch you talk about your books all day, every day, for the rest of his life. How your eyes lit up when you recognised his interest, a paperback lover himself. You can’t seem to stop yourself as you dive into the intricate details of your favourite classics, two or three hundred year old texts that make you feel like you’ve lived a thousand different lives at once. He wants so badly for you to keep talking but the more impassioned you become, the more he wants to kiss you.
You trail off at some point, he loses track when you climb into his lap to point out notes you’ve made in margins and the books lie scattered on the couch beside you as you kiss him until neither of you can breathe. You’re still a little achy from last night, deep in your bones, and you hiss when his teeth scrape across your shoulder.
“Won’t break, is that right?” Ezra chuckles darkly and nips at your jaw, “Can I try?”
“Please.”
You wake at the creak of your bedroom door, sometime in the early hours. Hugo noses his way through the narrow gap and hops up onto the bed, curling up on the unclaimed pillow by your head. Ezra sleeps deeply, face buried in your neck, and you let the warmth of him wash over you. It ebbs and flows like a tide, that familiarity. The undeniable fact that something about this just feels right. You’ve known this man a week and yet you’re here wondering, as he rests in your arms, if he might want more than just this with you.
Oh, but you are so afraid. Afraid to put a name to anything about him because what then? Will he tell you that you’re simply a placeholder in his life for something better, or that his heart might bleed through his skin when you’re apart? You’re not sure which is worse. Not that it matters, there is no word in any language that would be able to explain exactly how you feel about the man asleep in your arms. It’s enough, you think, to have him with you at all. In any capacity. Whatever pieces of his soul he bares as your breathing evens and his mind wanders. That is enough, and you will protect it with your life.
You have to part ways at some point, of course. Another week of rolling around in your bed sheets together, on the couch, on your pitiful kitchen counter, up against the wall, and Ezra gets a call from the agency. It’s a last minute job, the crew only need an extra set of hands to fit the safety standards, but it’s several systems out from the Pug. It’ll take him away for at least a month. You trail after him at the docks, with promises of messages in his absence and all manner of unsavoury activities on his return. It’s with a deep kiss and a wolf whistle from a couple of dock workers on their break, that you wish him luck. And ask him to hurry back.
Summer’s message surprises you when it dings through on your tablet. Some gajillionaire on Dallore T53 has found an aurelac deposit on the grounds of his new estate and wants it gone. She’s preoccupied, already out on another dig with Iras and a new crew. But it’s the kindness of her even thinking to offer it to you that makes your heart swell. It’s been a while since you’ve had real, honest to god, friends.
You’d go in alone, normally, for something like this. But now? Now, you’re punching in Ezra’s comm pin before you can even really register what it is that you��re doing. He only got back a week ago, and you made him settle in back home before he could settle in yours. It’s not like the two of you would be doing any resting on his return to your apartment, exactly. The job was a pain, he’d told you, it ran months longer than anyone expected and you’re sure he’s still exhausted. He won’t agree, but you find you have to ask. Just in case.
“Sunspot?” He sounds happy, rested. And you breathe a sigh of relief, at least he can follow your orders when he wants to.
Hugo snakes around your ankles at the familiar voice, the same way he does any time the man himself walks through the door. If you didn’t know that the little orange devil’s alliances lie in who feeds him, you might think he loves him more than you.
You explain about the job, make sure to stress that he doesn’t have to come. That you don’t even really need to take it if he’d rather you stay close by. Okay, you don’t say that out loud, but the smile you hear in his words through the speaker makes it known that he’s heard you. Loud and clear.
It doesn’t matter in the end, not when he accepts before you even have a chance to give him any details. You don’t know why you were so worried he might say no.
“Any excuse to be warmed by your light, Sunspot.” Hugo brushes up against your leg at the same time Ezra’s voice practically drips through the speaker, smooth as honey.
“Is that a euphemism?”
“Do you want it to be?”
You choke on your breath and he laughs like you’ve told the funniest joke in the universe. He’ll kill you one of these days, you’re sure of it.
You charter the ship you usually take on private jobs, the space a little smaller than you remember with another person on board, but it’s not like either of you aren’t used to being in close quarters with each other by now. At least Ezra has the decency not to be mean about the beaten up exterior, she still flies true. He’d grinned at that, told you how a rough outside often means the opposite of the interior mechanics. The glint in his eye is enough to know he’s not just talking about the ship.
At least the planet is in the same system as the Pug, so there’s no need to punch through to a lane. You fly in silence for a few hours, the familiar feel of the controls under your fingers as you guide it through the sky. Ezra’s eyes remain firmly on you although you pretend as though you don’t notice, and it takes him a moment to come back to the present when you ask him to flick a few switches and prepare to enter the atmosphere.
The coordinates the client gave you to land are only a short walk from the house itself, a great stone castle-looking thing. It’s kind of ugly, the way the limestone juts out above the treeline. A big white block among the rich reds and oranges of the leaves. They grow that colour all year round, perpetually stuck in spring and summer. It must be nice to have the kind of money to find somewhere like that and decide you’ll build a house there. The air is breathable, and a quick look at the planet file proves it’s never too hot or too cold. A perfect place to build a house really. Although, if it were you making that kind of decision, you’d maybe go for a design that’s a little less cubist.
The deposit isn’t huge, but it’ll be a good payout nonetheless providing the cells are all in good nick. You and Ezra wade through swathes of long grass and wildflowers until you find a spot to set up camp. At least you’re not stuck in bulky suits and having to lug around your equipment.
You couldn’t have asked for a more perfect dig if you’d tried. Each of the cells sit far enough away from each other that even if one were to fail, it wouldn’t corrupt a whole mess of the others. Although with both of your talents, it doesn’t surprise you when you collect every last crystal without a single misstep.
You’d told Ezra the profit would be split down the middle, equal pay for equal work. But it doesn’t stop him from sliding an extra gem into your pack to cover the ship charter. After all, you’re the one who was offered the job in the first place. He’s just following his heart, the one that walks around outside of his body and throws itself into deposits mid-corruption.
You hold one of the little gems aloft in the sunlight and watch as it sparkles.
“I used to think it was weird how rabid people go for these. But the more I dig the more I get it, isn’t it the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?”
Ezra tilts his head like he’s studying the rock, but his dark eyes don’t leave yours.
“It’s a close second.”
Sap.
Night falls before either of you realise just how late it is, clearing out the last few cells of the deposit. It’s not worth going back to the Pug now, he reasons, and you find it hard to disagree. The ache of the few days you’ve spent digging has settled deep in your muscles, the thought of having to run through docking procedure when you’re so tired is enough to make you wince.
You let him take you for all you’re worth under the watchful eye of the heavens, and find there’s more stars behind your eyelids than you could ever hope to see in the skies. It’s all you can do to cry out the name of the only god to ever make you feel this holy. Ezra.
He wakes with the sun, the same way he always has on jobs, to find you curled so tightly against him that it bubbles up from his toes all the way to his throat and he finds his eyes threatening to spill over. Everything in the universe seems to slot so perfectly together when you’re like this. Ezra sighs, content to never let the moment end. You are so beautiful.
He shifts up onto his elbow a little, still cradling you against him, and lets his free hand trail softly over your face. Tracing the shell of your ear, the curve of your cheekbone, the bridge of your nose. The dawn’s sunlight breaks over the trees and filters through the fabric of the tent, bathing you in soft green light. He could stay here, holding you, until the universe implodes. Ezra doubts he’d notice such an insignificant thing with you beside him.
But end it must, and he rouses you gently with soft whispers and kisses against your temple. You stretch in his arms, not unlike Hugo, and sigh as your joints pop and settle. Packing up happens slowly, moving around each other so naturally it’s as though you’ve done it a thousand times before. Every time Ezra passes, you drop a kiss wherever you can reach. His shoulder, the arm of his jacket, that little patch on his jaw. He pretends not to blush when you catch his hand and carefully press your lips to the little tattoo between his thumb and index finger, you pretend not to notice when he does.
You’ll be the death of him, he’s sure of it. The way you keep watching him out of the corner of your eye, the way your smile is so bright when he catches you that he can barely stand to look at it. With the tent and equipment packed up, his fingers itch to thread through your own as you start the walk back to the ship, there’s not a word in the universe strong enough to describe just how much he hates that both his and your hands are too full.
It’s odd, thinking about it. How you met by pure chance, hired by the agency just because you were on the same station at the same time. Would he have ever met you if you’d chosen a different career path, if he had? Maybe somewhere, centuries before or after this moment, where you’re meeting again. Different lives, different times, spanning across all of existence. Maybe, right here and now, you’re starting to feel the way he does about you. Just a little. Maybe he’ll get up the courage to ask what you think, how far you want to take things. He’d give himself to you in a heartbeat, without question. In a way, he already has.
Ezra can’t stop himself.
“What do you make of the red string of fate?”
“All you’ve seen of the universe and you still believe in soulmates?”
“Maybe I’m more foolish that I made myself out to be.” He shrugs, trying not to let his eyes fall to the little finger of his right hand. Trying not to clench his fist to show you exactly how much your disbelief affects him down to his bones, as though his soul itself is frowning. You’re smiling. Uncharacteristically quiet, but you seem appropriately pleased by his answer and stray a little further out into the long grass.
Curiosity gets the better of you.
“Can you see yours?” You have to call out across the gap you’ve unintentionally created, yellow stalks swishing in the breeze between you, and for a moment you’re not sure he heard.
Ezra looks at his right hand, at the thin red string tied neatly at the knuckle of his little finger, and follows the line as it threads through the grass to where it’s knotted at your left.
“No.”

TAGLIST (add yourself here):
@bee-dameron @keeper0fthestars @thevoiceinyourheadx @firstofficerwiggles @1800-fight-me @ew-erin @chatterbean @gotta-have-faye @freeshavocadoooo @darnitdraco @greeneyedblondie44 @fire-is-catching-always
#oh god here it is i hope it lives up to what i've made it out to be#a law divine#prospect (2019)#ezra (prospect)#ezra x reader#ezra x you#liz does words#soulmate au#smut
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