#@tinygothgoblindaydreaming

[stellaluna33]

The Phone Call

A preview of what’s coming next in my Gilmore fic The Long And Winding Road, as a phone conversation between Jess and Luke. (You now know more than Rory will in the next chapter... No one knows this except Jess and Luke... and you.)

"Hello?"

"Hey, Luke."

"Jess.  How's it going?"

"Oh, you know.  Just fine.  You still in Nantucket?"

"Yeah.  Rory and Richie came with, as you probably know.  But we also have a, let's say, 'surprise' visitor up here today."

"Reeeeally.  Who's that?"

"Oh, none other than the great Logan Huntzberger himself, who finally deigned to see his son because he could pass it off as a polite visit to a family friend while he was 'in the area.'"

"Jeez.  He still hasn't told anyone, has he?"

"Apparently not.  Claims he's 'waiting for the right moment,' or some kinda bullsh**."

"Bastard."

"You're tellin' me.  But why'd you call?  You don't usually call this time of day."

"Yeah.  Well, I, uh… I got some news today."

"Oh yeah?  What's that?"

"So, I don't know if you remember me talking about that writer's residency program in Argentina last year?"

"Oh yeah, weren't you thinking about applying for that?"

"Yeah.  I did apply for it, actually.  There was a pretty long waiting list, though."

"Oh, I see.  So, d'you hear something about that?"

"Yeah.  Today, actually.  I, uh… I got in."

"Jess, that is fantastic news!  Good for you.  That's a really great opportunity for you."

"Yeah.  Yeah, it is.  I, uh… just… I'm not sure if I wanna take it."

"What?!!  Jess, you can't be serious!  You've been wanting to do something like this for God knows how long!  And now you've got this opportunity and you're just going to let it pass you by?"

"I don't know, it's just… I don't know if it's a good time for me to be leaving the country right now."

"What, you got something goin' on at work?"

"No...  No, it's not that, it's…  I don't know."

"Well?  What is it?  What's stopping you?"

"I just… part of me thinks that I should be here, right now.  In case… you know, in case a... friend might need me."

"In case a friend might-  Oh jeez. Jess.  Tell me you're not talking about Rory."

Jess took a deep breath and then exhaled heavily through his nose.

"Are you serious?!  Jess!  You told me you were over that!  Long over, if I remember it correctly."

"Yeah, well, I was over it!  At least, I thought I was…"

"Oh, Jess."

"I know!  I know.  I'm pathetic.  I swore I would never end up like you, and yet here I am."

"Hey!  Things didn't turn out so bad for me in the end, you know."

"I know.  You're right.  I'm worse.  I already had my chance with Rory, and I screwed it up so badly that she wishes our entire relationship had never happened."

"Jess, you were just a kid. I'm sure that's not true."

"Oh no?  Well, sorry to disappoint you, but that's exactly the way she remembers it."

"Ah jeez.  She put that in that book she's writing?"

"Yup."

"And you've been reading over it, right?"

"Yup."

"Well, sh**.  I'm sorry, Jess."

"Yeah, well, it is what it is, and it's my own damned fault, so I don't really have the right to be put out about it."

"Well, ok, but… that being the case, don't you think it's time to let this go?"

"Past time.  But that's the worst part… I've tried.  G-d, I've tried.  And I thought I was mostly ok with it, you know?  There's been occasional relapses of… regret or… moments when I've wished things could've turned out differently, but… I haven't been hoping for anything.  I've been trying to move on.  I've had relationships."

"You only went on, like, two dates with that last girl, what was her name?"

"Sylvia?"

"Yes, Sylvia!  But two dates, Jess!  You give up that quickly and you call that trying?"

"That's what I'm getting to, though.  This year has been… different.  It wasn't so bad when I only saw her for a few minutes every couple years or so, but between the wedding and the book and everything that's been going on with her lately, Rory and I have been talking all the time, and I just… I still like her more than any other woman I've ever met, Luke.  And I told myself that she hasn't wanted me for over a decade now.  She made her feelings abundantly clear, and I have offered myself up like an idiot over and over and over again, just on the off chance that she might have changed her mind, and she has turned me down every single time.  I mean, how many times does she need to say it before I get a clue?  'No means no,' right?  I'm done.  I'm not doing that again.  So, I guess we're friends now.  She really likes me as a friend, she says, so I'll be her friend and be grateful I get to spend time with her at all.  And I'm doing my best to be ok with that.  So I finally asked Sylvia out, and it was nice.  She's beautiful and interesting, and maybe it coulda gone somewhere… but then you had to go and tell Rory about it.  And she got weird, man.  She called me up, and she was comparing me to Mr. Darcy, and-"

"Am I supposed to know who the hell that is?"

"Are you serious?  You've lived with Lorelai for, what, ten years now, and she hasn't tied you down and made you watch all six f***ing hours of that BBC monstrosity?  Pride and Prejudice?  Jane Austen?  Lorelai going on and on about Colin Firth emerging from a lake in a wet shirt and breeches?  Ring any bells?"

"Ah, maybe.  I think I fell asleep about five minutes in."

"Of course you did.  Well, all you need to know is that he's the romantic hero of the story, but he's a complete ass for like, two thirds of the book, which is obviously where the resemblance lies.  So she's on a roll with that, and hey, I deserve it, but then she throws in the fact that he changes and fixes everything and the heroine can't help falling in love with him in the end.  And what the hell am I supposed to do with that?  Because last I knew, we were talking about me, and that would imply that… I don't know.  All I know is that she got all flustered and started grilling me about my date with Sylvia, that you told her about, thanks so much, and then she starts going on about how she hopes I'll be very happy and how I deserve to be happy and I deserve to be with 'someone who has her life together.'  And then she started crying and frickin' hung up on me!"

"Huh."

"Yeah!  So, that whole thing kinda threw me, and all of a sudden, I'm not so sure where I stand anymore.  I mean, am I crazy?  Is that a normal reaction to hearing that a friend is seeing someone?"

"I don't know, Jess.  It's weird, I'll give you that… but who knows, with pregnant women…"

"Well, yeah, there's that, too… But I went out with Sylvia again, because I was trying, you know?  I owed it to myself and to her to give it an honest shot, but… I couldn't… I couldn't stop thinking about that phone call, Luke.  I couldn't stop thinking about her.  Because what if this was finally, finally a chance after all these years, and could I really just let that slip away?  Could I start a relationship with someone else, knowing that I might be throwing away a shot with Rory?  And I've been saying that there wasn't any chemistry with Sylvia and me, but the truth is, I know that's all on me.  It was awkward because of me, because I was distracted and I was distant and I wasn't sure I wanted to be there.  And Sylvia deserves better than that.  It was better to end it before anybody got hurt."

"Ah, jeez, Jess."

"It's true.  I'll go ahead and say it:  I sabotaged my own attempt at having a happy relationship because I'm still hung up on my highschool girlfriend.  And there it is.  I'm such a pathetic loser."

"You're not a loser, Jess.  You've come a long way.  But she's got a baby now."

"I know that.  And even if she has changed her mind about me, the timing is so bad...  She needs me to be a friend she can depend on right now.  The last thing she needs is the stress of fending off yet more unwanted advances from her crazy ex-boyfriend who can't take no for an answer.  And I can't go there again, I just can't.  So, I'm stuck in this no-man's-land."

"So how is all this stopping you from going to Argentina?  Maybe a few months away from all this would be good for you."

"Maybe… maybe.  But I just… I broke her trust before by leaving.  I made a lot of mistakes, but that?  That was the one she couldn't forgive me for.  And I want to be there for her, I want her to know that she can count on me now, that if she needs me, I am there.  But I can't do that if I'm halfway across the world.  I'd be of no more use to her than Logan is, and I… God help me, I want her to think of me as someone who can give her something that he can't.  And if I go, I can't do that.  And I have this feeling that if I go now, that'll be it for her.  The end.  Three strikes, I'm out.  For good this time."

"Were you planning on leaving without telling her?"

"Well, no, of course I wasn't..."

"'Cause I think that was a big part of the problem last time…"

"Yeah.  I get that.  But what if she doesn't see it that way?"

"Jess, all I can say is maybe you should talk to Rory about it.  See how she feels about it."

"I guess I'll have to."

"For my part, I think you should go.  And she won't be alone, Jess.  She's got Lorelai, and me, and Lane..."

"You're right.  Who'm I kidding?  She doesn't need me anyway."

"That wasn't what I meant."

"Yeah, well, it's probably true anyway.  But it's good to know that she's got you looking out for her.  I'd need you to promise me that, if I'm gonna even consider this."

"You got it."

"Well… thanks for listening.  I guess I'd better go.  I'm gonna call Rory, like you said."

"I think that'd be a good idea."

"Yeah.  Well, talk to you later, Uncle Luke."

"Later, kid.  You… you take care of yourself, alright?"

"I always do.  But thanks."

Thank you for reading. Please, PLEASE share any comments or ask any questions you’re wondering about!  I crave your opinion. What do you think of this?  My muse is in desperate need of encouragement so I can finish writing Chapter 9 sooner rather than later!

[traumatizeddfox]

i loved them and they were ashamed of me, i'm disgusting, i miss them so much i wish i never met them why did they leave? why do people leave?

Oh angel I relate with this. You are traumabonded onto them, it’s what they do. People leave because they want to, you can’t stop it. It doesn’t make that wound feel better, but it’s what happens. You will find someone who will truly love u and will stay.

[gothiccharmschool]

Dear Auntie Jilli, what is your opinion on those plastic tattoo-choker-type necklaces, if you have one?

I think they’re kinda adorable. I never wore one in the 90s because I found them scratchy and uncomfortable, but I thought they were fun and cute.

[my-swan-song]

Hey, idk if it's still active but if so I'd love to join the discord server! My handle is 1keaTheGreat#0963

it is still active, bestie! https://discord.gg/YMeE8jaN

[silveny-dreams]

You are quite possibly the best writer in this fandom, at least that I have ever read, other than Shannon Messenger herself

😱😵

This is......the kindest thing............mom I made it

[poetpunk]

Did you change url recently? Btw it doesn't have to be a gender crisis. Gender is just information about yourself. There's time

Yeah, I used to be tinygothgoblindaydreaming, but I shortened it for convenience. Can I ask your URL?

[silveny-dreams]

Thoughts on Lord Cassius/Lady Gisella's relationship (esp early days when they were young)?

This is a fascinating thing to think about because we really don’t know much about it! Obviously we know they were on each other’s match lists, and that Gisela chose to pursue Cassius for her own selfish reasons, but we really don’t know much about it otherwise...

They both strike me as the kind of person who doesn’t really want to make much of an effort to invest their time in a relationship with anyone, so I imagine they were both happy that they were matched and had pressure from their families in that regard off their backs and that they both kept to themselves and were happier that way.

I don’t think either of them were hurt by the way that each other was? It suited them too much. Lady Gisela has said in canon stuff that sounded bitter about Cassius not paying attention to her, but like....she didn’t want him to anyway? She could sneak off and do all her evil illegal stuff without him knowing because he was busy doing his own stuff, and I’m sure he was glad that she didn’t bother him, too.

It’s interesting though, because they both, in their own fucked up ways, care a lot about Keefe. Both of them obviously have their own selfish hopes about who they want Keefe to be, and have their own unhealthy ways of lashing out when Keefe decides to be his own person instead, but at least on Cassius’s end, we learned in Legacy that even though he hides it on purpose (and don’t get me started on how enraged that makes me), Cassius is proud of and cares about the son he has, and not just the son he wishes he had.

[gotnofucks]

@tinygothgoblindaydreaming aww thank you for reading this even when you are not in the fandom. You deserve to be told you're beautiful each and every day. ❤️

How do you think Lee or any of your characters will react to an ugly reader (like me)?

Ugly reader? I'm sorry but I've never heard of such a thing. I don't think I know anyone in this world I would term ugly based on appearance. You, my lovely, gorgeous anon are beautiful and I will not stand for anyone calling you ugly, not even yourself.

You wanna know how the boys will react to you? Read on.

Steve Rogers: The moment he hears you call yourself ugly he stops what he's doing and just looks at you. He frowns, looking almost confused as he gazed at you. He takes your hand and pulls you into his massive chest, brushing your hair back so he could see you clearly.

"Ugly? You? The girl who shines so bright she lights the world around her, you're calling her ugly? Who gave you the right to talk about my best girl like that eh? No one compares to you, not from back in the 40s, not today. You’re the beacon of light that keeps me grounded doll. Gotta show you how beautiful you really are"

And he proceeds to do just that.

Bucky Barnes: He heard you say to Nat that a dress won't look pretty on your ugly body. That night, he sneaks in your room and crawls inside the covers with you, holding your body tight to his. He took your in his and metal one, lips at your ear.

"What do you see when you look at me?" He asked.

"A broken beautiful man deserving of love" you answered automatically. He tips your chin up so that he could look in your eyes, the tenderest of look swimming in the blues.

"I see the same when I look at you. I see a woman who found the most scarred man and still loved him. I see a woman so pure I fear I'll taint her with my bloody hands. Never call yourself ugly, never again."

Lee Bodecker: Lee straight away snorts when you call yourself ugly. He rolled his eyes at you as he swiftly gathers you in his arm and sits you on his lap. He takes his hat and puts it on your head, the rim falling loose and slipping over your forehead so he had to push it up with a finger. 

"You're the only pretty thing in this shitty town. You've got a heart as big as my tummy" he takes your hand and pressed it into his soft flesh "you're the only one whose smile I'd both die for and kill for. Ugly my ass, you're the most beautiful gal I know and you're all mine".

Ransom Drysdale: "What the fuck did you just say?" He asked when you said you look ugly. You look at him aghast, not expecting the outburst. He stepped closer, putting his arms on either side of you and looking at you intently. 

"Have you met my family? My fucked up, greedy aunts and uncles? Have you met my mother? They wear a thousand dollars clothes and still manage to be the cheapest people I have ever met. And you? You can wear a burlap sack and would still be the prettiest flower because you found it in you to love a shitty brat like me. Now come here so I can show you how beautiful you are."

Andy Barber: He was driving when you made the comment, the word ugly said almost unconsciously. You blinked when he stopped the car, turning to look at you.

"I've studied law for over nearly two decades and there are two things that I know are wrong with them. The first one is that it should be illegal for anyone to be as beautiful, as amazing as you, and the second that it should be a punishable offense for anyone to call such a woman as yourself ugly. I'm a lawyer, trust my judgement. Nod if you understand."

You nod, he smiled and restated the car, one hand reaching over to pull yours in his lap.

Tony Stark: He knocked over the lab apparatus he was working with and stared at you incomprehensibly. He had that expression on his face that he reserved for idiots who didn’t understand his science lingo.

"What the hell are you on about? Sweetpie, you love a man who made weapons that killed hundreds. You gave me your love when I didn't deserve any. You gave my kindness when I didn't deserve any. You think anyone who's ugly could do that? I'll book an appointment with the ophthalmologist, you need to get those eyes checked."

Loki : He was in the middle of polishing his blade and the moment the words "I am ugly" passed your lips that blade shot out and embedded itself in the opposite wall.

"i am a man of magic. I can create the most unthinkable illusions with my mind and hands, and yet no matter how proficient I get, I'll never be able to create something as beautiful as you. You need to stop talking like this, I don't like it when people disrespect those that I hold dear."

Sherlock Holmes : He shut the newspaper he was reading and put it on the desk behind him as he pinned you with his stare. 

"When I search for something, I usually get it because I have a gaze that doesn't miss much. My every quest for beauty and love has led me to you. My mind and heart have never seen anything as beautiful as you. I am Sherlock Holmes, I don't lie. Believe me when I say you haven't got an ugly bone in your body.”

He opened his arms, asking you to come to him.

“I am a detective, let me show you the evidence of how utterly breathtaking you are.”

+++++

So my dear anon, I need you to shut up about this. You’re not ugly. You are worthy and amazing and beautiful and all things nice in this world. 

[wofworld]

Also this one goes out to @tinygothgoblindaydreaming who said I made her comfort character look pretty in my drawing- TYSM❤️

Human Moonwatcher (part 2)

This is made after a little sketch I drew in my journal a while ago, and although I thought it was terrible at the time, a lot of people seemed to love it, so I redrew it digitally!

Also, this is the sketch in question:

A few changes were made, as you can see, but I think she looks much prettier now :)

What do you guys think?

[hell-propaganda]

@tinygothgoblindaydreaming thank you!! Tbh I do not really consider them poems? I just have thoughts

@picturesofmailboxes I have read that, and I LOVED it!! That’s exactly how I view angels and God, and honestly it’s very biblically backed? It’s great

Strike me with lightning and burn me with grace from the inside out, I’ll still be here and I’ll still be unholy. Nothing God can do could change that

[irisgelos]

@tinygothgoblindaydreaming you're absolutely right,, how could I forget

Explain to me why my latin textbook has its own fanfiction?

[lightningladybug]

-R

-M

thanks for the tag @tzuyuasui!

tagging @readwithlivvy @tinygothgoblindaydreaming

Imma start my own ask game:

Ok now I tag: @saudade-mayari @kissmekakashi @mal-adaptive-daydreamer @lemony-snickers @depressedhatakekakashi @lilacte @toshibaby

[toxic-fucking-waste]

<3333 ily :)

@gxth-bxby @sspikeys-133 @dogfish-rising-jpg @goo-goopants @idiot099 @tinygothgoblindaydreaming @justasweetlittlebunny @lazerlustt @euronymoist

This is the Nugget of Friendship.

It is not given lightly. Yet I give it to you.

Yes. I mean YOU.

Now shoo.

Pass on the Nugget of Friendship.