#[ going to start iconing these eps soon as a treat and just... holds..........

[pirateborn-a]

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     actually gives this clip its own post to save it because i think about it a normal amount

[bethd0456]

hellooo lovely! i loved reading your response to my last ask - apparently tumblr is messing up my asks bc a lot of them haven’t been going through :( but let’s hope this one does! i’ve been seeing that you watch cherry magic, and it’s one of my favourite shows at the moment!! 💘 who’s your favourite character? mine is kurosawa personally, i relate so much to him and his gayness. also udon chan, the cutest little cat! what did you think of the last ep, wasn’t it so cute!!! (1/2)

i hope you’re doing well!!! i also wanted to ask what your favourite shows and ships are! i already have a vague idea formulating just by browsing through your blog and over our shared love of cherry magic, but i’d looove to hear your thoughts and your favourites!! wishing you the bestest day! 💘 - your secret santa (2/2)

Hiiiii!!!! I hope life is treating you well!

Omg I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! I hope you're ready for this MASSIVE answer and you don't get too bored reading this one!

CHERRY MAGIC!!!!!! It instantly became a comfort show for me, as it did for many others!

ADACHIADACHIADACHIADACHI. Adachi is 100% my fave. I never fully understood what a comfort character was. I was like, "yeah! I love Tine also!" But. Adachi is the definition of comfort for me. I see so much of myself in him! Everyone sees him and is like "babie. Must protecc." And honestly? Me too. How can one character be so damn CUTE??!?!? One of my favourite moments is him seeing Kurosawa after the almost-kiss. He just like, sees him, and gets so panicked 🥺 the way his arms just flail about makes me smile like an idiot.

But like, on a deeper level, this drama makes me believe I'm worthy of love. The idea that someone like Kurosawa could be THAT infatuated with you, even though you're an awkward virgin lmao. The point of watching these dramas is to get lost in a story, right? See a situation you want so badly but you know will never realistically happen? The entire premise of the show is just really enticing to me. I am Adachi, Adachi is me. Also, the thing he said in ep6 about not having a clear dream in life? Yeah. I felt that. I'm so envious of people who have passions they work so hard for, it gives them a form of purpose. Like Adachi, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a "daze". I feel like I don't really have any specific passions or skills that I want to develop into a career. Sometimes I just wish I had ambition. Adachi makes me feel so seen and like I'm not the only person who feels like this. The kinds of characters that usually make good protagonists are characters with a clear goal/passion. In most shows this obviously really works, but I can never relate to them personally. It's really special for me to see a character who's similar to me in this way.

Kurosawa is such an amazing character too!!!!! His gay little heart 🥺 on another level, he's just so?? Respectful??? 7. YEARS. 7 years of pining and he holds himself back so well!! He's been waiting for this relationship for so long but is so patient, willing to take things slowly for Adachi. He flirts shamelessly (as he should) but never to the point where Adachi was too uncomfortable.

He cares so much about Adachi :(. But also, even before he liked Adachi, he could tell he was uncomfortable with the drinking thing, so he DOWNED the wine lmao. Clearly he's just a lovely person all round who's really socially aware.

As for other characters:

• Udon my baby!!!! The cutest cat ever!! I love animals sm :(((

• Tsuge's chaotic energy is iconic

• Minato a lovely little dance machine :))

• Rokaku deserves the world, my excitable kiss interruptor :(((

• Fujisaki my love! She's so soft and cute!! Also ace coded how iconic

I ADORED ep8!!! I LIVE for established Adasawa! Adachi coming out to Tsuge :((( I'm so proud of Adachi coming to terms with his feelings and being confident enough to share his relationship with his closest friend. Coming out is not easy and he did so well 🥺

Adachi and Tsuge are so useless bless them 😂 Kurosawa really said "well I guess I have to take these two socially awkward disasters under my wing." Adachi and Tsuge are such a chaotic duo, I love that they can communicate just by touching each other, and omg when Kurosawa said his name Tsuge was "wait maybe I know everything about you already" and if that isn't friendship idk what is

Also Kurosawa making up a poem in his head about Adachi???? Peak romance. Also iconic. I'M A SUCKER FOR HAND HOLDING SCENES SO I DIED. "I like him. I like him. I like him!!" HOW CUTE CAN YOU GET FJKHDSHSKSK

I also got another arm flailing moment when Kurosawa almost got the wrong idea about Adachi and Tsuge!! CAN ADACHI STOP BEING SO CUTE MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT. How on earth his boyfriend is still alive I have no idea.

There are so many other shows and ships I love. I feel like I'll probably miss some, but here we go. These aren't rankings at all, just like, lists lol.

Show list:

1. 2gether

This show means so much to me. It was the first time I watched a bl week by week and it made it so much more special?? I valued scenes so much more than when I binge shows and they would like, look at each other and I'd have a heart attack. They made the first part of my quarantine bearable bc I always had something to look forward to every Friday. I actually really enjoyed quarantine overall as an introvert (not to be insensitive about the literal deaths the pandemic has caused), but I really enjoyed constantly thinking about how long it was until Friday. I'm massively emotionally attached to all of the characters in this show you have no idea. Every single one. The found family of it all,, the way all of the characters have relationships. Still2gether did a phenomenal job of showcasing all of the unexpected but very welcome dynamics and relationships, platonic and romantic alike. I could blabber about this show for so long I'll spare u for now

2. YYY

Is it well written? No. Did I enjoy it anyway?? You know it! I told you how much I love the found family trope. UGH. THIS FAMILY. Also, seeing the feminine side of the LGBT+ community represented positively warmed my heart. There needs to be more bls that do that! Celebrate femininity!! There's nothing wrong with being camp as fuck! It's so much fun!!! This show made me so happy :))

3. Start up

I'm currently obsessed. It's my first Kdrama and holy shit this is what the hype is about. The budget!! The acting! Top notch. On a sad note I really wish bls got that much funding behind them. My heart aches for a complicated story with fully developed characters and plotlines, that just happens to have a gay main couple/character. Wishful thinking for now at least. Anyways, I'm massively emotionally attached to Halmeoni and Jipyeong. Team Jipyeong all the way (even tho Dalmi's obviously gonna end up with Dosan, and I'm happy for them!). All I need is a happy ending for my darling Jipyeong. Please give him one. Also, if anything happens to Halmeoni I will WEEP.

4. Cherry magic is obviously here but I've ranted about that enough already 😂

5. 3 will be free

I would never have expected gmm to make a series like this! But they went and did THAT. Wild. It was such a healthy representation of a poly relationship. The themes of feminism were so well handled and powerful, the chemistry was off the CHARTS, I was hooked from start to finish! Time for a rewatch? I think so.

6. Feel good

Not an Asian drama, but still gay as FUCK. It's written by my wife Mae Martin who also stars in it, and I have to say, it blew me away. Story time!! My friend irl recommended it to me without saying it was Mae, so I was like "okay sure I'll put it on my to watch list I guess" without much motivation to watch it. But as soon as I found out it was Mae I watched it and I've never looked back lol. Once I finished I sent my friend a splurge of messages about my feelings. The series touches on issues like addiction, sexuality and gender. "I'm not a boy. I'm not even a girl. I'm like a failed version of both." That shit HURT.

There's a scene near the end which has really stayed with me. So Mae's character is a comedian and she does a set making jokes about the stuff that happened in the series and oh my GOD. The way I CRIED. It made me realise that people who make jokes about their experiences are using humour as a coping mechanism and when people say "Haha I have daddy issues isn't it funny" we have to remember to be respectful. It's never okay to make jokes about someone else's trauma. Don't make a big deal of it but just don't be a dick.

Anyways I could go on but would 100% recommend this series!

7. HIStory 2 crossing the line

My first bl! This series is the reason I'm so obsessed with bl lmao. The main couple are so soft :( this little series will always hold a special place in my heart!

8. Sotus

My first gmm series, we've come a long way. I miss Kong and Arthit :(

9. Dark blue kiss

Such a brilliant series. I trust P'Aof (director) with my life. This series touches on issues that are so important and deserve to be talked about so much more in bls. This is what happens when you let LGBT people tell LGBT stories! They do it with such care and love!! One of my favourite lines is "I may like men, but I'll never like your brother." One of my biggest let peeves is "I don't like men, I only like x." Like, I get the business behind it, they don't want to make the character gay to make them available for girls to fantasise about. Which is disgusting. But Mork really said "no. ❤" and I LOVE IT.

10. The shipper

I could go on and on about how underrated I think this series is. This series took over from 2gether on Fridays, and while I didn't think about this series constantly like I did with 2gether, this series made my quarantine brighter. Fridays meant I was gonna laugh at least once and forget about life just for a short while. The humour in this series is so fucking dumb lmao, but I'm here for it.

I've seen people talk about the shipper as a bl but I disagree. I think it's better described as a series with bl aspects. The main themes are friendship, family, dealing with loss, respecting boundaries of people you admire, and one of the main messages is about making sure the people close to you know how much they mean to you. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the series is over the top humour, but by the end of it I was personally really attached to the characters and their feelings. Overall I really enjoyed this series but I don't see anyone properly talk about it :(

11. Gaya sa pelikula

A series made by gay people for gay people. Shows like this are so important. This show really healed my soul with how brilliant the representation was :(( "remember we talked about microagressions" the way that means Vlad is constantly educating Karl about LGBT stuff, UGH. SO GOOD. Also this show has the most realistic representation of a crush I've ever seen lmao, soft Vlad is the best Vlad.

12. My engineer

My happy little Saturday show :( I miss the shit writing, shit acting and soft story of this series so much. I'm so fond of this series, I watched it after the horrible ep12 of 2gether and it really made me happy. I'm looking forward to season 2, but Ramking's novel goes DOWNHILL from here on. I know tricreation wouldn't allow the final chapter's scenes, but the entire story is so problematic and unenjoyable :(. The only valid scene is King's coming out scene but that's literally it. And the collar scene can stay lmao.

13. Oxygen

Another soft saturday series! I love this series so much, all of the couples are so bloody healthy and it makes me so happy. The communication is amazing!! THIS is how you show healthy relationships!!!

14. The gifted

S1 was so amazing!! I loved all of it! The only part of s2 we'll talk about is timegracethird. Time best boy!! Grace a feminist queen! When future Grace said they would be friends for a long time that made me so happy :(( also pangwave canon

15. Until we meet again

So I talked about the healthy relationships in oxygen. But uwma really showed the healthiest relationship ever. DeanPharm are just the softest little humans :( I would die for Pharm. He's the closest I got to a comfort character before Adachi. I just have to PROTECT HIM. My motherly instincts really kick in when I see him lmao.

The storyline of this series is just breathtaking. And the ending? I don't think I've ever cried that much. At all. It was so fucking beautiful 🥺

16. My gear and your gown

I really liked this show! Honestly I don't think I'll ever rewatch it but I definitely enjoyed it. The way Pai just seemed to breathe freely for the first time when his parents accepted his sexuality :(((( my baby :( also purefolk were brilliant

Ship list:

1. Saratine

These two are the definition of romance. They mean the fucking world to me. The fact that their story is apparently gonna be continued in some form makes me so. So. Happy. I cannot begin to describe it. My bet is on a special episode and ugh I'm so EXCITED.

2. Aini

Thonhonchonlatee in general is enjoyable but I don't like Thon at all. It's such a shame bc I was so excited for Khaotung and Podd to be in a series together :((. BUT. Aini have grabbed my heart. I knew they would bc miketap are brilliant, but wow. They're so gay my little babies :( miketap are just so natural and comfortable to watch. I love their chemistry so muuuuuuch

3. Sunmork

Coffee boyfriends :( I miss them so bloody much

4. Ramking

One of my fave ships. As I mentioned, I'm apprehensive about s2, but s1 ramking is such a beautiful story. It's just about 2 boys falling in love, no complications. Plant boy who's afraid of dogs falls in love with quiet boy who loves dogs but is afraid of children. Iconic. Also chemistry outsold, I THINK ABOUT THE KISS CONSTANTLY. When I mentioned the acting is shit in this series (shit is harsh, I mean awkward), I did not mean Perth and Lay in the slightest. They really nailed their roles and I loved it.

5. Professor Layton x Claire

You 100% won't get this reference but I grew up with the Professor Layton games and holy shit do they hold up. They're so amazingly written with beautiful stories and the most lovable characters in the world. Layton's intellect, loving nature and surprising athleticism are admirable. Adachi is the character I relate to most, but if I was gonna choose a character to comfort me irl, Layton's your man. His voice is so comforting by nature. I'm blabbering at this point but the point is him and Claire are the only het pairing that matters.

These are just the ships that I felt should be separate from their shows. I love all of the ships from the shows I mentioned.

Oof this got horrifically long, I haven't had a proper chance to rant about most of these shows so I really let it out lol. I hope you've watched at least some of these shows and I didn't just rant to u about 12 shows you've never heard of 😂

I hope you have a wonderful day love!!!!

[littlejeanniebean]

Ep. 1 | The Marauders: Chase Her

A/N: I’m back, witches! ;) With the long-teased BAND AU!! Also @inakindofdaydream​ here’s your tag as promised, hope you enjoy :)) More Marauders in my masterlist! Read on AO3! - J xx

“Oh, Lily, darling, isn’t it a bit…” Narcissa Black appraised the outfit with a derisive sniff, “childish?”

It was a floor-length gown, trimmed to flow with the model’s figure exactly, thanks to Dorcas’ design skills. The highlight was the hot pink lava-lamp-like mixture oozing between the solid pale pink inner layer and the clear exterior material; Lily, a chemistry undergraduate who’d founded the Evans brand on Etsy as a hobby, had made it from scratch. Underneath it all was a complicated circulation system of refrigerant to keep the wearer cool, courtesy of Marlene, who was studying to be a mechanical engineer. Lily had tested it on herself and had the light burns on her legs to prove it, but it was worth it for the 60s-themed Met Gala. That is, if she could convince her client to wear it.

“Hardly,” she responded, “The design says you're playful, but the slinky cut and deep-V neckline say you’re a woman ready to conquer the carpet.”

Narcissa rolled her eyes, “Serves me right for selecting a designer last minute. All the professionals are booked.” 

Lily tried to think of a popsicle or winter, anything to cool the angry flush she could feel burning in her cheeks.

The tall blonde was unbothered as she strutted around the mannequin, inspecting the low back and the spaghetti straps, before extending her arms out to Dorcas and Marlene, who were standing by, “Fine, fit me.”

“I got it,” Lily said quickly when she saw Dorcas’ jaw drop in indignance at being treated like a maid. 

Marlene successfully occupied the deeply offended designer until Mary, the brand's publicist, announced that it was time. 

Lily and their client left the hotel for the iconic New York museum in a chartered limousine among an entire fleet of them. Although dressed plainly in a black sweater and pencil skirt, Lily’s bright red hair made her stand out among the Black family’s monochrome entourage. 

“Sirius, who’s that?” James pushed his thick-rimmed glasses up his nose and tiptoed to get a better look through the sea of celebrities and their teams spilling onto the carpet. 

“I don’t know, but she must be nice because I’m not related to her,” said the dark-haired man, who’d been essentially coerced into attending this event with the rest of his crazy reality television family. 

“Starting to not regret letting you drag me along,” while his friend walked the carpet, James followed the lady with the designer access credentials who looked at everything around her in unabashed wonder.

“James Potter!” someone called out.

He turned around and noticed too late that it was a reporter.

“How does it feel to win a record deal after your performance in the Highland Music Festival?” 

“Will you be performing on The House of Black?” 

“When is your debut album coming out?”

James held up a finger for silence the way he’d seen his mum do plenty-a-time, “I’m so grateful - especially to my music teacher, Minerva McGonagall. I don’t think my best friend will even be on that show anymore and we do everything together. We’re in writing sessions now, just having fun and seeing what we can do, but we’re very excited to share our music with everyone soon, especially our amazing fans.”

“Who are you wearing?”

“Who are you most excited to meet tonight?”

“Are you excited for The Weird Sisters’ performance?”

It went on this way until James could politely extricate himself with the boyish excuse of needing to use the bathroom. He practically sprinted to the tents at the end of the carpet. 

“My armpits are sweating, Lily!”

There she was. A picture of calm amidst the commotion. And her name was Lily.

“Cissy, calm down -”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Siri!”

“See, this is why I can’t work with you lot anymore! You’re bat-shit crazy! Of course, your pits sweat, you’re a human being - not a fucking Barbie doll!”

“You haven’t the faintest idea of the impossible standards I hold myself to because I actually strive to be my best self unlike you, you lazy dog!”

“Are you getting this?” Bella Black, whispered with a toothy smile to the camera that was filming the entire exchange.

"How's it going, Molly?" James addressed the short videographer with auburn space buns. 

She made a funny face at him and he laughed. Molly smiled just a bit in spite of the tensions she worked around daily. 

"Narcissa," a clear voice pulled his attention back towards the girl named Lily, "I believe you've just nicked the wire that runs the cooling system with your heel," she crouched down and hooked it back up, "There you are."

James took this as his cue to pull Sirius away before another argument began. Also, he may or may not have wanted to get even closer to the red-head, "C'mon, mate, let it go, yeah? It's not worth it."

Narcissa huffed and strutted away. Lily had no choice but to follow at her heels, but to her admirer, she made it look like a power move. 

"Ugh, remind me never to do that again!" Sirius collapsed onto the couch in the recording studio they rented next door to their label, Castle Records. 

"James?" Remus asked his less distraught friend.

"Narcissa."

"Ah. At least it wasn't Bella."

The bespectacled boy sat at his drum kit and began to play a couple of mid-tempo rounds on the snare, cymbals, and base, creating the mood of a pursuit. 

"Ooh, I like that," Peter switched the settings on his electronic keyboard to an eighties synth and joined in the jam.

Remus added the bass while Sirius plugged in his electric guitar. 

It was three the next afternoon when Remus finished mixing the track and Sirius had no more unorthodox but cool ideas like, "Record the tires squealing while I  do donuts in the parking lot on my motorbike and add it to the chorus!"

However, James, being ever the perfectionist when it came to music, kept wanting to re-record the drums and the others couldn't even talk him out of it because truthfully, it sounded better every time he did it. 

When they reached the one-week mark, though, Sirius had to take action. "I called Molly. She's going to record our music video today and you know she's quick in post-production so whatever you've got is what we're running."

"Ugh, I hate you!" said James. He didn't. 

Molly arrived at nine sharp and set up the lighting, did their hair and makeup, helped them pick coordinating but not matching outfits, and at ten exactly, called, "Action!"

Don't let her doe eyes fool you

She's been winning since the day she was born

Darlin' don't wanna lose you 

Je ne parle pas français, mais j'adore

So I'm done playing hard to get

(You gotta chase her, chase her, gotta gotta chase her)

 You're running circles in my head

(You gotta chase her, chase her, gotta gotta chase her)

And every word you ever said

(You gotta chase her, chase her, gotta gotta chase her)

Is calling my soul outta my body, must be in heav'n

Whoo!

"LilyLilyLily!" Mary squealed, barging into her friend's hotel room and clambering onto the bed, "We made it!"

Narcissa's lava dress had been trending all week and the Evans brand online store had finally crashed with the volume of orders they were trying to process at once for clothes, accessories, make up, and fragrances.

Her name is bloomin' in my heart

And every beat I beat is hers alone

Darlin' think of what we could start 

Jamais seul ou triste, jamais pas en mode

"Jimbo! Jumbo! Jambo!" Sirius woke up his roommate with their first single blasting from his phone, "We made it!"

Their Chase Her music video had over a million views and the song was number one on Spotify. 

And if our paths cross just this once

Could you be mine and I'll be yours

Tonight, darlin', we dance, we dance

Nous pourrions vivre pour toujours

Sirius guffawed at the comment section, "James: I don't speak French; Also James: Nous pourrions vivre pour toujours."

"Co-written by Google Translate," the singer quipped, putting on his glasses so he could see it all for himself, his smile coming close to breaking his pretty face.

Done being someone you'll forget

(You gotta chase her, chase her, gotta gotta chase her)

 Cuz you're all I got gon' through my head

(You gotta chase her, chase her, gotta gotta chase her)

Yeah every word you ever said

(You gotta chase her, chase her, gotta gotta chase her)

Is calling my soul outta my body, must be in heav'n

Whoo!

[sleepymarmot]

Re-liveblog: eps. 4 & 10

Here's something I've been planning to do for a while -- rereading the liveblog of The Untamed I wrote a couple of months ago and looking at my own initial reactions to Jin Guangyao's storyline with new eyes. Returning to old liveblogs is always fun, but particularly when the perspective on something changes so much by the end of the story!

Of course, this turned into a monstrosity with word count in thousands that sat in my drafts for about a month, and involved rewatching most of the scenes the liveblog mentioned, and some that it didn't. Please be warned: this series of posts is not meant to be a comprehensive analysis, and will jump from one point to another or highlight only the things I have changed my mind about, or haven’t talked on this blog before. It is going to include some very personal interpretations and opinions, sometimes possibly (or definitely, in the case of this very post) unpopular or negative. I am here to reflect on my own experience of watching the show almost as much as to write meta about the show itself.

[All re-liveblog posts]

[ep 4]

is this shy illegitimate son the same person who summoned WWX in the first episode, or are they two entirely unrelated bastards? I don’t think the ages match up…

Oh, so that's what I was thinking during Meng Yao's introduction scene: trying to figure out whether he was the same person as Mo Xuanyu or not. That's funny.

[negativity ahead!]

Of course, I was also admiring Xichen's elegant way of Using His Privilege For Good, but I thought that was self-explanatory enough not to put in the liveblog. It didn’t occur to me this scene could be interpreted as a sect leader openly hitting on a disadvantaged youth, or that such an interpretation would be popular, especially in a literal and positive way as opposed to a dark or subversive headcanon. So even if this is ever confirmed to be an intended message of the scene, I’d just say “I recognize the council has made a decision...” and continue to disregard it. Kind of incredible how it manages to squick me in at least five ways -- and xiayo is one of my main ships in this fandom! And not only squick -- in my eyes, sexualizing LXC’s intentions in this scene not only adds something that I don’t like, but actively detracts from the textual, surface meaning and narrative function of LXC’s actions (establishing LXC as a Model Authority Figure who masterfully manipulates the social power dynamics not for self-interest, but for justice, kindness, and peaceful conflict resolution; see also the following scene with the Wens). And from the other side, I think Meng Yao is shocked and impressed specifically because someone like LXC would do this for someone like him without an ulterior motive; I suspect that if he saw this as LXC making an excuse to touch someone attractive, he would only be turned off: a sect leader who can’t keep his hands to himself is nothing new and nothing good from the point of view of JGS’s illegitimate child.

But if this brief brushing of hands holds any in-universe significance in addition to a possible foreshadowing of this relationship’s future importance -- I think I just finally realized what it must be! This interaction is an adaptation of the following scene from the book (which, to be fair, happens when MY and LXC already know each other, not during a first meeting):

Meng Yao had been a famous joke for a certain period of time, which was why a few recognized him. Likely thinking that the son of a prostitute perhaps also carried some unclean things with him, the cultivators didn’t drink from the cups that he had presented with both hands. Instead, they put the cups to the side and even took out white handkerchiefs. As though it felt too uncomfortable, they repeatedly wiped the fingers that they’d touched the teacup with, either intentionally or not. Nie MingJue wasn’t someone mindful to such things. Wei WuXian, though, caught sight of this through the corners of his eyes. Meng Yao acted as if he didn’t see anything, his smile unfaltering as he continued to pass around tea.

As Lan XiChen accepted his cup, he looked up at him and smiled, “Thank you.”

He drank a sip of the tea immediately afterward. Only then did he continue to converse with Nie MingJue. A few cultivators began to feel uneasy as they saw the scene.

(Chapter 48)

So CQL!Meng Yao’s eyebrows twitch in pleased surprise because the sect leader not only personally approached to verbally support him, but took something directly from his hands, not even trying to avoid him or flinching at skin contact. As if it didn’t even occur to the majestic Zewu-jun to think of Meng Yao as dirty or disgusting.

I don’t know if this is an intended interpretation either, because I don’t remember anyone specifically avoiding physical contact with MY in the show, and on the contrary, there were examples of both friendly (from Huaisang) and unfriendly (from the commander) touch. But I certainly prefer it to the other interpretation, and ignoring the interaction altogether seems a bit intellectually dishonest.

[/negativity]

On another note, much is said about JGY’s performativity, but check out LXC’s! Someone’s being bullied in his classroom? Not on his watch! Time to descend from his pedestal like truth coming out of her well, Very Pointedly and at length explain how this person Has His Official And Personal Approval And Is Very Welcome Here, then take the gift from him personally instead of letting a disciple do that. Note how in the following scene, he also personally accepts the gift from Wen Qing as a peacemaking gesture. I love how LXC’s character establishing event is about defusing not one but two uncomfortable situations in a row. Of the two brothers, all social skills went to him...

I have no comment on the goodbye scene. Just sadness.

Oh wait, after rewatching the entire show and coming back to the post, I do have something to say. This episode is the only time I can say with all certainty that all of Meng Yao’s words and reactions are fully sincere. After this point in the timeline, it will never happen again. :(

It’s a shame that the gifs I’ve seen of this scene end with the iconic stopped bow, because the final shots are also great! As soon as MY turns away, his face becomes clouded again, and seconds after the Sect Leader himself held his arms and assured they were peers, he felt the need to bow and lower his eyes as some unnamed disciples walked by. And the bitter look he sends after them tells the viewer how much he is aware of falling from the dreamland where a nobleman would compliment him like three times within three minutes, back to the regular life where it is better not to be noticed at all. Meanwhile, Xichen looks him in the back like “I want it to grow strong and healthy, I want to tell my friends and neighbors about it”.

[ep 10]

Alright, when 10 minutes ago I thought “Meng Yao, sweetie, kill that clown”, this is not what I had in mind

SOMEBODY GIVE MENG YAO A HUG (after some emergency medical care) HE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG IN HIS LIFE. Can Xichen adopt him now?

Ah, the joys of the first viewing. 

At this point, I was thinking of both Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue exclusively as of father figures for Meng Yao. For LXC I think I slowly started to notice the romantic tension later but made a complete flip to the romantic interpretation only during the "late light talks... no sign of curse on his body" conversation. For NMJ it was during the head flashback. And as much as I like these pairings, it does feel like a loss that their existence displaces the very different pseudo-family dynamic. I think a story in which NMJ, LXC, WRH and JGS are all openly presented as competing father figures would be interesting; has anyone written that?

On rewatch, I was outraged by all of the blatant manipulation that I bought completely on the first viewing. MY is very good at playing a wounded bird -- especially when he's literally wounded. I had wondered why he just limped away without treating it, but now it's obvious he is using Stoic Suffering to invoke pity and admiration. Just like, a few minutes earlier, he showed NMJ that he was ready to be struck down, and it saved his life. He tells NHS with a sad but brave face “I won't be able to take care of you anymore” and on first viewing it worked on me just as he intended -- I thought “Poor boy, so trained to serve, he puts his duty to others above his own feelings even in this situation”. Ha...

And NMJ is only helping his case. He had the chance to explain everything and share the truth of MY's actions. And in the novel, he does take this chance, retelling the incident to Xichen (who chooses to turn a blind eye). Instead, NMJ basically confirms MY’s narrative: by hiding the reason for the exile, he makes it seem like there was no respectable reason at all. NMJ, all by himself, makes himself look like an irrational tyrant, and MY like a victim of an arbitrariness. And he does it in front of Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, no less -- an heir to a major clan and his brother! By trying not to discuss internal problems with outsiders, he achieves an opposite effect. Luckily for him, JC and WWX don't give a shit... But imagine how different the plot would be if they had this information from the start?

What I still don't understand is -- what was Meng Yao’s plan in this episode? Who was he working for? Who was his accomplice, whose feet we saw in the later flasback -- surely not Xue Yang himself, he’s supposed to be under arrest! Was he working with the Jin secretly already? (I don’t think so: in a later scene, JGS asks him about this incident, seemingly ignorant.) Or with the Wen (I don't remember -- did Xue Yang go back to the Wen afterwards)? Or just with Xue Yang directly, setting him completely free just on the promise of future cooperation? This seems most plausible -- but to risk and lose everything over such an uncertain gamble doesn’t make MY look very smart.

I have some other things to say about the events of this episode, but they’ll be in the post about the flashbacks in episode 41.

[taekookismylifeline]

Title: Collateral (of love and bullets) Pairing: Yoongi/Hoseok Synopsis: Jung Hoseok may not be as successful as he wished to be when he was younger. Instead of being a dance instructor in his own dance studio, he worked full-time at a local supermarket – but at least he is happy, living with his boyfriend of two years, Min Yoongi, in a not-so-crappy apartment in the city. However, when he gets caught up in a robbery at his bank and his boyfriend disappears, his happiness is challenged, along with everything he thought he knew about the people he holds dear.

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Chapter Six -  two brothers: one of them wants to take you apart

Jinnie ><: hey Seokie Jinnie ><: Yoon said anything more to you?

Hoseok blinked at his phone, slowing his pace down and causing him to bump into a few people dashing by him to get to sales.

You: wdym?

He turned into the bakery – the one his mum would always take him to at the end of the week for a treat if he was well-behaved. It was nice to be home, incredibly nostalgic, and he always welcomed a home-cooked meal.

Jinnie ><: well, about why he was gone

Hoseok sighed. Seokjin had been more bizarre than usual over the last few weeks. He had left his apartment to get away from all of that. As well as things being weird between him and Yoongi.

You: I know he told you because he told me he did You: Seung passed away You: he doesn’t like to talk about it, and I don’t blame him

He was next in line and he picked out something distractedly, something with cream. He hurried out of the store, the snack wrapped in his pocket. He would go to the park his father would always take him and Dawon, eat on the bench, and maybe call Dawon – he hadn’t seen her in a good few months since after the wedding.

Jinnie ><: you don’t really believe that, do you?

Hoseok stared down at his screen blankly. He didn’t believe what he had read, but he didn’t get the proper chance to as the text disappeared quickly to be replaced by Seokjin’s contact icon.

Hoseok hesitated before accepting the call.

“What are you talking about?” Hoseok asked, frustration beginning to build.

“Hey, Seok, listen, think about it for a minute. Yoon stopped visiting his brother years ago, right? When was the last time?”

“I don’t know,” Hoseok exhaled, checking the time on the clock of the mall, hoisted up in the middle of the escalators. “Maybe two years back. When we first started dating, he visited Seung a few times.”

“So, the last time he visited Seung was two years ago then, and then out of nowhere he pays him a visit?” Seokjin wasn’t playing around; the scepticism in his voice was honest.

“He passed away, Jin, what more do you want?” Hoseok snapped, sitting on the nearest bench and hissing into his phone.

“But he had a rare disease. Surely if it was so serious, Yoon would have visited him more often. Why did he stop visiting his brother for two years when he did it often before?”

Hoseok stared ahead, briefly seeing the people walk by each other, thick coats and scarves. It was nearing the winter holiday season. He and Yoongi should be spending it together really, but it was not to be. He had been feeling numb ever since he had arrived back in his hometown a week ago, even talking with his mum hadn’t helped.

“What are you talking about?” Hoseok forced out through the lump in his throat. “I don’t understand why you’re always doing this – Yoon… he’s going through a lot, and I don’t think he’d appreciate one of his best friends to be second-guessing every little thing.”

Seokjin was silent on the other end of the line. All Hoseok could hear was the loud hum of people talking, couples laughing and children exclaiming excitedly.

“Something’s not right, Seok.” Seokjin sounded weary. “We know it. You know it, deep down.”

“No. I do know something’s not right,” Hoseok spat, “it’s not right when you doubt your friends’ reason for mourning. What would he think of you? Why are you calling me? Are you trying to split us up for good or something?”

“Seok-”

“You know what? I don’t care. Don’t you dare approach him about this. Leave him alone. Obviously, you have no respect for him or his loss, so don’t contact us until you’re ready to have some common courtesy.”

Hoseok hung up with vigour, leaning back on the bench to breathe in deeply. He felt his lungs fill with air and his stomach-ache with something he couldn’t sate.

A girl was staring at him on the opposite bench, she looked frightened as if he hadn’t threatened her livelihood. He hated being under scrutiny, so he took off, phone burning in his pocket.

He should call Yoongi, he couldn’t help but consider as he marched up the escalator. It was a stupid thought; he was angry, miserable and confused. He wouldn’t be any use to Yoongi like that, then again, he had no idea how he could be useful to him.

Hoseok had gone back home because Yoongi had approached him one evening, three days after Hoseok had asked about sex, and told him that he was going away for a few days. A trip for himself, he had told Hoseok, and it wasn’t personal, but something he had to do for himself to get into the right headspace.

Hoseok, not wanting to spend lonely, mundane nights in the apartment for an uncertain amount of time once again, had left for home the morning Yoongi had left. He had taken Yoongi’s note with him: ‘I’m sorry about this, I’ll be back soon and then we can talk. I’m really sorry. None of this is your fault and I know this isn’t fair to you. I just don’t know what to do. I love you, Y.’

He had left his own note in return, and looking back, he was ashamed of it: ‘It’s fine, I understand. I’m going home for a bit, maybe until Christmas. Call me when you read this. I love you, too. Hobi.’ It was very plain considering everything he had wanted to say to Yoongi.

Truthfully, he didn’t really understand. Then again, he had never lost a sibling or a parent, or anyone at all. In that way, he was lucky, but Yoongi had not been blessed with the same fortune. Perhaps Yoongi was on a pilgrimage, maybe he had returned home to his own birthplace, or sorting things out with his parents. He had no idea.

His mum had told him to be patient. She had hugged him like he was a kid all over again and told him that it would all sort itself out, he simply had to have faith. So, he was trying to. But it was hard. Harder than it had to be.

Lost in his musings, he found his feet had brought him to the music shop him and his friends always visited after school, shopping for a bargain on mixtapes or CDs by niche underground artists.

The place had been done up since he had last been, which was two years and a bit ago. The colour palette had changed from dingy blue decorated with yellow ‘sale’ signs to a flashy red. It was a nice change and he found comfort in it.

He wondered over to the ‘overseas artists’ aisle, searching for nothing in particular, his thoughts caught between music and Yoongi. He almost didn’t notice the sales assistant approach him.

“Hey, man, can I help you with anything?”

This sales assistant wasn’t like the ones that worked at the store when he was younger. He wasn’t one of those surly guys who were barely legally old enough to work, and who had yelled at him for making too much noise about an album he was excited about. No. This sales assistant looked nice. He was smiling something earnest.

Hoseok smiled back, despite the numbness. “It’s fine, thanks. I’m just browsing.”

“Not looking for an international artist?” the sales assistant nodded towards the sign spelling ‘overseas artists’.

“Oh, no, I was just looking. I haven’t been here in ages,” Hoseok found himself admitting. He was hoping the guy would just nod and walk away before he opened his mouth and began spilling his childhood story to a stranger, but the assistant stayed put.

“Oh, really? You live nearby?” the assistant carried on, his expression smoothing out from being polite to being genuinely curious.

“Kinda,” Hoseok shrugged. He wasn’t too sure where he belonged right now. The sales assistant looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish. “Is there anything you recommend?” he gestured to the racks of CD’s in front of him.

The guy threw him another earnest smile. “Of course. It depends what you’re into, of course.”

Hoseok deliberated, unsure of whether to go on a music-based spiel or make some vague excuse and leave. He didn’t want to be on his own right now, and the sales assistant seemed to be friendly. What was the harm?

“I like hip hop. R&B too. I used to come here all the time for Monster Rabid’s new stuff,” Hoseok said, and found the assistant’s face light up.

“Oh, man. Have you listened to their new EP?” Hoseok shook his head. “You’re missing out. Come here, we can line it up on the jukebox.”

“Oh, really? It’s still here?” Hoseok asked, laughing in bewilderment. The age old music player which he and his school friends harassed on the daily, occasionally chasing out a few older patrons who had often visited for vinyls by blasting their current favourite tunes.

Looking back clearly, it was a wonder he had never received a life ban. He supposed the number of purchases he made cancelled out any chance of being kicked out for good.

The store did, in fact, have a jukebox. It was smaller than Hoseok remembered, and more battered too. Maybe another group of schoolchildren had come in and terrorised it once him and his friends had graduated. The thought drew an easy smile to his lips.

“Here she is,” the assistant introduced, as if gesturing to someone extraordinary.

Hoseok laughed as the assistant flipped through the song book. “It’s the same one from when I used to come here as a kid.”

The assistant smiled up at him. His dimples were rather prominent, Hoseok didn’t know how he hadn’t registered them before.

“It’s an OG then,” he said, “or maybe they just couldn’t afford to replace it.”

Hoseok hadn’t expected the sly comment and let out a burst of laughter he had to muffle. The assistant laughed with him, hiding his smile in the song book.

“Are they really that cheap?” Hoseok asked, dropping his volume so that the familiar strict-looking older man standing behind the cash register wouldn’t hear them.

“Well, put it like this, they’re short-staffed and they insisted on only have two people work today,” the assistant muttered, punching the song number into the jukebox.

“Wait, so you and the manager are the only ones on shift?” Hoseok asked, a familiar sense of dread brooding in his stomach. He hated being understaffed at work; the pressure only added to the anxiety he felt in his gut.

The assistant sucked in a breath and nodded just as the familiar chords started playing. “Yeah... it’s about as much fun as it sounds.”

Hoseok laughed in an accompanying manner. “I feel for you, man.”

“Yeah, it’s a worker’s demise. You work?” he asked and Hoseok nodded, silently asking for the songbook the assistant kept leafing through.

“Yeah. Retail.”

The guy nodded, a knowing smile turning up the corners of his lips. “Ah. So you do feel my pain.”

“All too well,” Hoseok mock-lamented, and the assistant chuckled.

There was a brief pause in which Hoseok appreciated the music and the lull in thoughts.

“I’m Lee Chinhae, by the way,” the assistant introduced, holding out his hand, “I would have loved to have pointed to my name-tag, but I’m new here, so I haven’t had one made yet.”

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