#[ it's also really amusing to me that on my origin she HAS failed two religion checks already by bad dicerolls and me not applying bonuses

[reasonoptional]

Hey how's it going, handsome?

Can you put together your top 5 Sanderson's oeuvres? Can be top 7, if needed, but no more than 10. Okay, 15 tops.

Or bette

This is hard to answer, because I just love his stuff the Cosmere so much. First, why the cross-out?

The Alcatraz series didn't make much of an impact. I suppose it would have been so much better if I had read them in 8th grade, but he hadn't written them then. I mean they're funny, but it's just not my thing (plus, my mom was a librarian, and she's definitely not into world domination. That I know of)

Same for the Cytoverse series, I suppose. I really did like one aspect of it (the humans' position in the universe, won't get more spoilerful than that), but on the whole, reading it when younger is better.

But now on to the stuff I did like and read several times, in order:

Warbreaker: the first book of his that I've read, and a great intro to the wider Cosmere, even if you don't know what that is. The one thing that struck me from the beginning was how scientifically it approaches magic, without lessening it. All the characters are sympathetic and multidimensional, even the psycho murderers. Plus, the god Lightsong is one of my favorite characters ever, up there with Sam Vimes from the Discworld. Gotta love a god who's skeptical of his own religion.

Elantris: Hooked on the first page, and the premise is fantastic: there is a city where (certain) people live like gods, surrounded by light and harmony and power, forever. And then ten years ago it all went to shit, and now Raoden needs to fix it, while his intended wife has no idea he's dead (it's complicated), and the militant religion from the neighborhood empire is stirring up a whole new batch of shit.

I had written several paragraphs about each of the Mistborn series (The Final Empire, The Well of Ascension, The Hero of Ages) but then decided that it's too spoilery, so I'll just put the whole first series as a whole: an evil power threatened the world, and a hero rose up to challenge it. He failed, and now, a thousand years later, the bad guy is still emperor of the planet. A crew of magically empowered thieves decide to rob him. Features well-rounded, fucked-in-the-head characters, a complex magic system, two more magic systems in the sequels because of course it does, warring gods, shape shifters, and a surprisingly tender love story.

Yes, we've had Mistborn, but what about second Mistborn? Well, Sanderson has got us covered, v with the Wax and Wayne series (The Alloy of Law, Shadows of Self, The Bands of Mourning, The Lost Metal): three hundred years after the conclusion of the first series, most of the characters have become mythological/religious figures, and the world has progressed technologically, so where the first one was fantasy-standard medieval(-ish), the second is roughly Victorian-level, with the protagonist Wax (a descendant of one of the original heist crew) being a law keeper out in the wilds and a less-than-perfect gentleman in the city. Since the world's deity situation changed, it follows that we get a brand new magic system. As per the norm, great characters (including a very well written and well-treated neurodivergent one), more secrets, more immortal shapeshifters (Soonie pups are this world's Teddy bears, inspired by a dog-shaped one from the first series (who is still around and amused by the toys)) and also there's Wayne, who according to Sanderson was not written; he just showed up one day, stole a hat and started making bad jokes.

Mistborn: Secret History answers up some of the questions the first two series pose, and clarifies very little. But we do get to see the Lord Ruler being condescending post-mortem, and somebody gets punched in a very satisfying manner.

Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell: admittedly I read this only because of the title, but it was worth it: an exploration of what kind of people live in a grim world, where the souls of the dead wander about mindlessly... until you break the Simple Rules, and then they kill you. Strong female protagonist, gloomy world building.

Sixth of the Dusk: a story about colonialism from the native perspective, about self-reliance as an individual and as a people, and the toll it takes to live in symbiosis with a telepathic bird. Confirmed to take place late in the game, as the colonizers came in magically powered starships from the planet Mistborn takes place on.

Yumi and the Nightmare Painter: another love story, with pleasant characters, intricate world building (twice), complex plot that Painter doesn't know is supposed to have a bad ending. Brando Sando stated that he wanted to write about having a bullshit 9-to-5 job in a magical universe, and this was the result. Features Design, a lovely young lady who is neither young nor a lady, and everybody seems surprised by it (despite the fact that she repeatedly points out she is not human)

And the best for last, the Stormlight Archive (The Way of Kings, Words of Radiance, Oathbringer, The Rhythm of War, and not soon enough Wind and Truth). A huge series, almost halfway done, and huge in scope and complexity. Dozens of viewpoint characters, none of whom is mentally fine (with one exception, but Adolin is also getting his trauma in future books, mark my words). Incredible world building (again), complex magic system (again), several plots going on at the same time (again), less-than-perfect deities (again), and an interesting exploration of gender roles, not in the way you imagine (oh you like reading? You're either a woman or a pervert). The main point of the series so far seems to be that magic will solve problems, but you have to solve your problems yourself. Oh, and Shardblades are confirmed to exist because Sanderson wanted big-ass anime swords.

White Sand and The Dark One are both graphic novel series, but I haven't read them yet. But they're probably very good.

As for the non-Cosmere works, The Frugal Wizard's Handbook for Surviving Medieval England is hilarious (and scifi).

[edit the next day] I completely forgot about the Reckoners series, which should tell you everything you need to know about my feelings towards it.

[fizzingwizard]

Episode 27! It’s a transitional episode and I have Thoughts but nothing major really happens until the very last second :P

Cap of the day!

You know what they saw about the megane shine... next season’s villain is Jou-senpai!!! you heard it here first!

More below!

GAWD I LOVE JOU

no but SERIOUSLY... so glad to have the rest of the team back. They really do make EVERYTHING better. Taichi and Yamato, yeah they’re cool, I love them, but they just don’t carry the show by themselves. And in a similar vein, the rest of the team needs Taichi and Yamato too. Otherwise they have no reason to be all dramatic and show off their cool sides.

(other than Koushirou of course who was just born Cool but it’s the kind of cool most people don’t recognize until you literally own the entire world Koushirou’s three steps from becoming Seto Kaiba except NICE)

ok back to business... last week we left off with the team finally reuniting and bringing Hikari along. For some reason the two groups both decide to stand in a straight line like two baseball teams about to shake hands. Leomon’s team still looks fricking ridiculous

Sooo jury’s out on how Taichi’s gonna react to Hikari! Yamato’s been so chill with having Takeru around, I started to wonder if we’re gonna see super over protective big bro Taichi instead this time! But for the most part he’s just surprised that she’s not surprised by the Digimon.

Hikari is creepy. lol. She’s very much the “cute little sister” type and this episode, at least, we didn’t see any kind of initiative from her, which is to be expected, I mean give the kid some time to adjust. We don’t see a lot of personality though either... I guess we can say she likes cute things, and she’s pretty darn calm... I don’t really like her voice though. It’s a perfectly fine little girl voice, but she always sounds like she’s about to doze off...

Obligatory “cutest couple” pic

The group then basically recaps what’s been happening in the human world recently. Which is all pretty important stuff. But for some reason Taichi and Yamato don’t fill them in on what they’ve gone through?? They have to explain Takeru and Patamon because well there’s a surprise but then they’re like “oh yeah Patamon’s the holy Digimon” and I’m like WHOA. DUDES. IT’S THE HOLY DIGIMON. THE THING Y’ALL RISKED YOUR NECKS FOR. Shouldn’t there be a little more interest, both in the telling and the hearing?? XD

Koushirou’s most excited to update their digivices.

Taichi: Why so blue, Agumon?

Agumon: I shouldn’t have had so many Hawaiian blue energy drinks... but how else did they expect me to fight non stop

Koushirou even has handy dandy charts and images to illustrate. He’s going to get hired somewhere and immediately promoted to CEO, by the CEO.

Patamon: “Hi! I’m the Holy Digimon! Bow before me!”

Jou introduces himself to Takeru and Hikari as the “leader” and tries to convert them to his religion (No-play-only-study-ism) to make them his first acolytes when he inevitably becomes the season’s true final villain. But Gomamon’s all over it.

Gomamon: “You can’t have acolytes until you master maniacal laughter, Jou, didn’t you read ‘Villainy for Dummies’ like I told you to??”

Agumon adorably walks right up to Hikari and asks her if she’s okay and if she feels scared. Hikari says “Agumon’s cute!” Taichi’s face is like “cute? cute?? he’s a dinosaur! dinosaurs are cool!” but he wisely says nothing because you cannot argue with girls about what we think is cute you just cannot

Then Hikari notices something even cuter! Patamon!

Hikari: So cute! I want ten!

Takeru: Sorry, he’s one of a kind and mine!

Hikari: *looks at him* So cute! I want ten!

Takeru: Wait... of me?

Hikari: (u3u)~♥ ﾁｭ

Takeru: (o///o)~♥

love at first sight???? lol

In a nod to the original series, we get a scene of Taichi asking Hikari if she has a Digivice and her being like “oh that thing, I filled it with catnip and gave it to Miko”

Taichi: No digivice! Well I guess this means there’s no way she’s a Chosen Child like us!

Agumon: Infallible logic

Meaning the Zurumon are on the move! this time to FREAKING NASA

Taichi: *most unimpressed voice possible NASA??

I thought hey, it’ll be fine, we’ll just have to fight some more... but

Nasa: *launches a rocket*

The internet:

it’s all just variations of people oh-no-ing in Japanese. A little further down someone just writes “Explosion” in English lol

Due to the weirdness in the digital world that is affecting the human world, a bunch of waterspouts appear in the ocean. Eldradimon’s like “oh bother”

he protec!

Mimi and Palmon rush to comfort each other with a hug.

Jou... immediately gets seasick.

Gomamon: So how’s that maniacal laughter coming along?

Jou: DON’T MAKE ME OPEN MY MOUTH

Awwwww. Point of interest.... Koushirou is barely larger than Hikari x’D

Leomon, for some reason, decides now we must part. He doesn’t think these kids can survive this storm and offers to protect them as they escape. The kids are powerful against evil monsters but weak to weather lol. I’m sure the actual logic in no way was “Now that the rest of the team is back from their pointless stint in the human world we no longer need Leomon to play back-up”

They don’t agree without an argument, but Leomon insists, because he believes the Chosen Children have other important things they are meant to do. We get a cool scene of everyone making their escapes. Sora takes Mimi with her

Taichi and Hikari join Koushirou

And Yamato and Takeru “join” Jou (but really Yamato’s the one calling the shots because Jou’s busy struggling not to pee his pants)

It’s just in the nick of time... before a giant whirlpool seemingly sucks Leomon and Eldradimon into the sea.

Taichi: Oh my god did they just DIE??

Kabuterimon: Don’t look back!

Taichi: I know... we have to respect their sacrifice...

Kabuterimon: Well, that and you might be scarred to see Leomon’s reenactment of Ariel at the bottom of Ursula’s whirlpool

Taichi: huh

(look I think I’m funny and that’s what counts)

Getting all split up like this made me think they were gonna end up split up for reals, but the team manages to stay together for now.

They arrive at a new continent covered in weird spikes! Yamato picks up his digivice like a walkie-talkie and says one word: “Taichi”

it amuses me that he could only bring himself to say “Yagami” for a good while in the beginning but then he finally started saying “Taichi” and now he just can’t stop!!

Anyway he’s alerting the others to the fact that some? of the spikes on the island are actually Tortomon about to attack them. Before going to join Greymon’s attack, Taichi flings Hikari at Koushirou “HERE PROTECT MY SISTER SINCE YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO”

jk but seriously... why does Taichi need to be all up in the action? Until now I thought it was something they all had to do to help their partners, because they usually ride on them during battle, but this episode seemed to suggest that Taichi goes out of his way to do it even more than is maybe necessary. Which doesn’t exactly come as a surprise, but xD

Reason #1229345894 why the team is better when they’re all together: Mimi is hilarious and SORA HAS A GOSH DARN PERSONALITY. She DOES, folks. We hardly got to see it recently -____- this episode at least lets her react to the others. Ugggh. Irony of ironies, Sora needs more love.

It’s a stampede! Simba! NOOOOO!

Sooo... the battle with the Tortomon goes pretty well but then this guy called Groundramon or something appears and uh... starts to eat them... like it’s pretty visceral y’all o_o le eugh

Taichi is shocked and recalls last episode when he saw Seadramon power up and evolve after eating Ebidramon. He does not choose to mention the time he was eaten by Devimon. EH IT’LL BE FINE I’M SURE THAT WASN’T IMPORTANT ANYWAY

Greymon: Don’t get eaten.

Garurumon: lol same to you

The Agumon/Gabumon bromance is honestly one of the best things about this season. Not that we get a ton of it, but when we do we do I always feel like “yes, that’s Digimon, that’s it right there”

The Digimon rev up to face off with their cannibal and Groundramon quickly decides Ikakkakumon looks the most nutritious. He probably has lots of blubber and meat on him so I guess I’d go for Ikkakumon first too

Ikkakumon: Don’t eat me!

Jou: Wait don’t! He was teaching me how to be cool!!!

Taichi: Eat him! Eat him Groundramon! I can’t let Jou be the cool one!

Yamato: Are you two fighting to see who can reach peak villain status first?

Taichi/Jou: I’m naturally competitive

ka-boom!

Our heroes are blown back by. Takeru quickly runs to check on his big brother who seems to smack his head on a rock...

Yamato: It’s cool. I’m cool. The definition of cool. Ishida Yamato. That’s me.

Sora: Oh no, I think he’s got a concussion.

Takeru: No, that’s how oniichan is on a normal day.

The team starts to feel overwhelmed! That’s when a fire ignites in Taichi’s eyes and he announces the next siege!

Yamato: Taichi...

no but okay what even IS this moment. The episode goes out of its way to show us Yamato reacting to Taichi not giving up. This is a Thing. I don’t know what he’s feeling here - impressed? Happy that Taichi’s able to bring everyone together when they’re feeling defeated? Or is he also recalling how that same desire to never fail almost got him killed and his partner transformed into an evil evolution a few episodes ago?

So like I keep saying I don’t see why we had to split up the team for so long, and for now I stand by that. But one thing’s clear: the show wanted only Yamato around to witness what happened to Taichi. (I mean, Takeru was there too, but he’s a baby xP) And even Yamato doesn’t know everything - we don’t know how much he was actually conscious for. But I feel like, if there was any point to the separation at all, that was it. I hope so anyway. I like the idea of Yamato grappling with how to know when Taichi’s going too far while at the same time really valuing the way Taichi’s able to push them to victory.

Turns out Taichi’s new plan is... even bigger guns!

Pointed directly into Groundramon’s mouth!

Yamato: This is madness.

Taichi: No! This! Is! DIGIMON ADVENTURE:!!!!

Everyone attacks poor Groundramon in the mouth x’D im crying

The combined attacks seem to overload Groundramon and then MetalGreymon launches missiles down his throat, which cause these internal explosions. Uh, gross... like if there’s any time Jou should be puking it’s now

we won by being even more violent than normal! yay us!

Not that this means we get a break because Darknightmon chooses now to make his dramatic return!

They get blown back again

... but I love how adorably protective the big brothers are whenever it happens <3

Yamato and Taichi finally remember they never told the others much about what they’ve been up to recently, other than “we found the holy Digimon.” Now they add “and we found Darknightmon too.” Wow what a level of detail.

I honestly... expected Darknightmon to be interested in Hikari instead of Takeru xP It was a little too predictable so I was glad when he seems to go right for Takeru and Patamon after all.

Patamon, who’s recent hobby has been watching musicals, begins to sing:

Don’t ever kick a dog

because he’s just a pup!

You’d better run for cover

when the pup grows up!

Taichi: Uhh did he not see the part where Gavroche dies??

Yamato: He fell asleep before we got that far.

Angemon!!

Honestly... as a fan of 99 Adventure, Angemon there was SUCH a dramatic thing and... this isn’t. I know, I know, it’s a different show, we do things different in 2020... I just remember the excitement I felt about Angemon’s first apperance though. But, to be fair, although it takes a long time before his second appearance, once it happens Patamon always evolves to Angemon without all the fanfare and it’s just a normal evolution. So... yeah, this all makes sense xP

At least we end on a cliffhanger! What’s gonna happen?? Tune in next week!

So I guess I wasn’t that off about the team splitting up again, I was just wrong about when... next week it looks like they’ll be separated, which, although we just got everyone back together, I’m not upset about as long as each group gets focus. Now that they’re back in the digital world, there’s potential for stuff to happen. But it depends on the groups as well. I do sort of expect this is mainly a “put Taichi and Hikari” on their own maneuver.

Oh, was right about Darknightmon going for Hikari after all xP

My guess is... Angemon’s gonna fight but just not have recovered enough to stay in that form for long, and somehow that results in everyone separating... we’ll see. More importantly...

NANIMON!!!

My relationship with this guy is love-hate! I love to hate him x’D So I’m glad he’s back! Still want to see Piximon and Whamon the most but I’ll take it!

[katiehepburns]

so, just binged Legends of Tomorrow, and for some reason, I wanted to write this down.

So, Legends is a really unique show.  It doesn’t take itself too seriously and ridiculous but fun, reminding why I loved The Flash early years (season 1 & season 2).  

apologies, for this rambling mess.  this got written in a burst of energy which faltered towards the end.

What other show would have plots about time travel, Sisqo singing Thong Song during a battle scene, and a child toy’s furry toy Beebo helping the heroes or being seen as a “god.”

The time travel aspects have been a lot of fun.  It’s really hard to pick my favorites (but I am a sucker for 1920 - 1950′s stories), and kudos to the casting directors who have gotten some great actors in guest starring parts (The actors who played JRR Tolkien and Elvis Presley were real highlights for me.  Also I loved the young Marty Stein episodes). Also, Jonah Hex is probably my favorite recurring characters on this show, and I really hope that the writers find a way to bring him back.  

Sara Lance, who I loved from Arrow, is the reason among other Arrowverse recurring players (Stein, Ray, Jax, Mick and Snart) that I started to watch this show.   Sara’s storyline in season 1 and season 2 was really unique and fun to watch her evolve from dealing being brought back by Lazarus Pit, and opening herself open to being a hero and embracing her grief and pain, turning it into becoming a hero and the captain.    My issue is with the later seasons (season 4 & 5) aside from the blindness incident (which became more of a plot device than actual storyline, which could have been really interesting to delve into) is Sara’s main purpose, aside to being a captain and kickass leader, is to be a love interest to Ava.  She has some great moments being a surrogate sister to the other characters, but I wish she had more of an individual storyline (also that job offer thread was also dropped too quickly - I wish we got more of insight into what exactly it was and why it came about).

Ava, her growth over the past three seasons has been interesting and integrating her as part of the Legends has given some fun moments, especially to have her interact with all the other characters and become friends with them, but aside from those smaller side moments, her storyline is so wrapped up and her identity is purely revolves around being Sara’s girlfriend.  I wish that she and Sara had individual storylines than just everything being just about their relationship.  It’s great to see Sara (and Ava) happy and in a healthy relationship  but wish that they weren’t just each other’s plot device.

Mick - it’s interesting that out of all the original cast outside of Sara, that he has lasted the longest.  I always loved the Snart / Mick dynamic (partly because of I love Wentworth and Dominic from their Prison Break days as brothers), so it’s nice to see his character change very slowly, and evolve as the show has gone on.  I just wish he had more scenes with Charlie -  I loved their moments together and they were such kindred spirits.  I am still not a 100% sold on the whole give Mick a teenage daughter, but Lita has been actual a fun side character.  Lita works because she isn’t a bratty/angry/ annoying teenager, but as she spends her more time with Mick, I get that it’s about seeing a new side of him, and they have found a way of having her interact with the rest of the cast.  Lita’s scene with Charlie in the season five finale was really moving and I liked how she was the one who motivated Charlie to help her friends.    

Nate - I have mixed feelings about him.  Yes, he’s fun, pretty, and amusing but sometimes, it just feels like he’s wedged into the show.  I love all his friendships on the show especially with Sara, Ray, Behrad, but all his romantic relationships have fallen flat with me.  I love love Zari and Amaya (they were both wonderful kickass women) as individual characters but I never could get behind their pairing with Nate.  I did enjoy his interactions and meeting Grandpa Steel (I love the actor), and even his flawed and messed up relationship with his Dad.  I am failing to express why Nate just doesn’t work as a love interest for me, but all his pairings, I could never get into, and it’s too bad.  I wish the writers would give him a more interesting storyline that has nothing to do with his profession (his knowledge of history is important but they also have Gideon at their disposal soo..), his family, or a romance. It feels like of late, he’s just shoehorned into the show and it makes him very meh to me.  

Ray - I was likely one of the few who liked his character from Arrow and it was nice to see him really evolve and become his own person (aside from a member of a ill fated love triangle) on LoT.  He was fun and a real great asset to the Legends team, and I really enjoyed how of all of the characters, he interacted with most of all the cast and had relationships with all the different characters that were unique and fun.  One of the great highlights was seeing how he was so welcoming and became a real genuine friend to John Constantine (one of my favorite moments of his was bonding with a dying Constantine).  Also, what other character could bond with the man who was their enemy (Vandal Savage) over Jenga while being stuck in hell?!  I’m just really bitter that the writers choose to write him out because while I loved the second half of season 5, something was missing with Ray gone.  Based on Brandon’s comments about his exit, not to mention the COVID related challenges, I am not sure if Ray will pop up again so soon in season 6, but really want him and Courtney back on the show in an arc or full time.  While the reason behind his exit was disappointing, the storyline did leave the door open for circumstances to change, and Ray and Nora could easily rejoin the Legends.

Nora - she was a real surprise to me.  I didn’t mind Damien Darhk in Arrow but in Legends, he worked really well as a big bad, and plus Neal seemed to have a blast playing him.  Nora was one of those characters who didn’t capture my interest in the beginning, but as time went on, and she became more than Damien’s daughter, she was such a compelling character.  Aside from Charlie, her evolution on the show has been so interesting and it was amazing to see her change and learn to love all of herself, dark and light sides.   At first romance with Ray had me skeptical, mostly because of my feelings of real life couples playing a on screen couple, but it just worked.  Mostly, I love how as Nora slowly changed and evolved, that her relationships with the other characters grew (those Book Club scenes with Sara, Ava, Mona were soo much fun - wish that they had more moments together), there was so much more potential for Nora to bond and really become good friends with Charlie.  Also, the small moments with John and Nora were great, and wish that the writers had given us more scenes with them, because of their unique and dark history.  Also, Courtney as Marie Antoinette was a real blast.  Like Ray, there was so much rich storylines to mine with her especially with Astra in the picture, aside from the fun and amusing places that they could have taken her as the new Fairy Godmother

John Constantine - this will probably be an unpopular opinion, but I absolutely love him, and thought bringing him into the show in season 3 gave it a nice boost of energy.  The beginning of season 3 was a bit rocky for me (it had some great moments, but it was also really hard to get into for some reason).  I know some people say that there is too much of him, but I disagree.  The writers found a way to write him into the show in a natural way without shoehorning him.  Yes, he’s had storylines about him (Astra, Desmond) but also those storylines have also been part of the larger arc of a particular season.  It’s not just about Constantine, but how it has a ripple effect on the overall big bad.  I find him refreshing and fun.  Also, I really enjoy his dynamics with the cast (I love the Sara/John dynamic and god, I adored the Charlie/John friendship SO much).  John and Zari 2.0 attraction and growing relationship in season 5 was a real highlight - they have my OTP kryptonite (polar opposite couple who bicker and banter but also are kindred spirits, who call each other out on their BS but they just get each other even if they won’t admit it).  Can we also have a Mick / John team up in season 6? 

Zari(s) - I really love them both.  While I will miss Zari 1.0, I am interested to see how they will explore this new Zari and how she’ll fit into this team, and if she’ll struggle with having another version of her in the Totem, she has a chance to become more than she is.  Also, how amazing is it to have a smart, brilliant, and kickass character, whose religion (Muslim) that doesn’t make her a stereotype and is embraced as part of who she is, and how it defines her.  It’s not made into a joke.   Also, an aside, I did really love the interactions with OG Zari and Constantine - their side adventures with Charlie in season 4 were so so much fun.  Also, really wish for Zari 1.0, the writers had explored other romantic avenues for her than Nate (I would have loved to have seen a Charlie/Zari romance or more of a flirtation with Jonah Hex). And cat Zari? so cute.   

Charlie - There aren’t enough words to say how much I loved her.  She was another character who just interested me from day one, and I just loved everything about her.  Amaya was fun and kickass, but Charlie, I fell in love with her.  She was snarky, fun, and just fit so well with the team.  Her evolution was really well done. I loved all her friendships with the other Legends especially Mick, John, and Sara.  I was really crushed when the actress wanted to leave the show and work on other projects but glad that the door was left open for her to return for an episode or two.

Since this is soo long, remaining briefer thoughts:

Behrad is a precious bean.  I am so glad he’s going to stay on the show.

Gary, while I like him and he’s worked well with the show’s hijinks, hope that his goofiness doesn’t get too old now he’s a season regular.

I still really miss Jax and Stein.

 Aside from the really disappointing “love story” of Carter and Kendra, Wally was a character was so poorly used on the show and they did such a disservice to him.

Rip, while it took me awhile to warm up to him, still wish they had written off his character better in season 3.  Hope they find a way to have him return for an episode or two.

Human Gideon?  MORE PLEASE

I’d love to see Leo Snart again.  Also, more Jonah Hex!!!

Probably a long shot, but it would be great to see Captain Lance pop up, or it would be fun to have Earth 2 Laurel and Tommy Merlyn team up with the Legends.  Mostly, I’d love see Sara interact with her sister’s doppelganger.

Astra’s storyline in season 6 - really hope that the writers do her justice and watch her change as she spends more time with the Legends.

Nyssa, Sara’s former beloved, come on the show, pretty please?!

Gary Junior II, please don’t destroy the Waverider or try and kill the Legends

[sagemoderocklee]

∞ 🌻

as per my last fill of these prompts, im super sorry i left this sitting in my inbox for a million years :( this one isn’t tied to any greater idea i’ve been mulling over, but it did end up longer than anticipated so i’m breaking it up into two parts because it’s taken me much longer than i expected! i’ll try to get the next part out tomorrow! and i’ll probably polish it up and post it to ao3 since it’s so long lol

originally for:  PUT A “∞” IN MY ASK BOX AND I’LL SHUFFLE MY MUSIC PLAYER AND GIVE YOU MY FAVORITE LYRIC FROM THE SONG THAT COMES UP.

[ao3 // kofi]

---

song: Sunlight by Hozierlyrics: At last can grant a name/’til buried in a burning flame/is love in its decisive pain, oh my/sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

---

There it was again: warmth suffusing him; an awareness of his heart beating, rapid and uncontained, a wild wind in his chest; his eyes rooted to the shape of the Sun, human and solid, standing before him as a man--not divine, yet wholly and inexplicably empyrean. 

It was impious. Not that Gaara was particularly concerned with the superfluous rules of Suna’s religions, but he’d also never had reason before to compare the mundane to the divine. 

Considering Rock Lee mundane felt like more of an insult to the gods than comparing one of their own to Rock Lee. 

He shook the thought--and all other’s relating to Rock Lee and their accompanied feelings--away, forcing his heart to return to its normal rhythm with practiced ease. “Rock Lee.” He greeted Lee with a faint smile and a small nod, exactly the same way he’d done every visit for the last five years. Lee was not the Sun, he was just a man--an extraordinary man, certainly, but a man. 

“Kazekage-sama.” Lee’s radiant smile insisted that Gaara’s summation of Lee was inaccurate--or at the very least lacking. “It is good to see you. I did not expect to see you today.” 

“I had some free time.” He hadn’t. Though he was never behind on work, there was always work to do. He’d simply decided to skip it. 

“That is excellent news!” Lee’s round eyes closed, his smile broad with his joy. 

“I take it your journey was easy,” Gaara said, ignoring Lee’s smile and the warmth that refused to leave his chest. “You made good time.” 

“I did!” Lee agreed with a laugh. “There was a sandstorm just past the boarder, but I had no trouble after that. I was hoping to beat my record, but I think I missed it by a hair.” 

“You came close,” Gaara confirmed. “If you’d been twenty minutes earlier.”

Lee punched the air, his mouth a determined line. “Then I shall just beat it on my return journey!” 

“No self-inflicted punishment for not making it here earlier?” 

Lee shook his head, dropping his fist in defeat. “Unfortunately there is no time. Well, I suppose there is--but I would much rather spend it with you!” 

There it was again, haunting him, hunting him. That feeling bit at his heels, chasing him down, wearing him out. He wanted to curl a fist into the fabric of his robes and yank his wretched heart from his chest. 

“How long before you have to leave?” he asked instead. 

“I only have until tomorrow.” Lee’s shoulders had dropped until he looked like a wilting flower, despondent in the midst of a dry season, wanting for rain where there was none. 

“Perhaps you can spare more time on your return to Konoha,” Gaara offered. 

“Are you sure?” Lee asked, perking up. 

“You’re always welcome here.” They’d done this countless times. Gaara could almost predict this particular exchange. Lee never wanted to impose, never wanted to assume, but he always wanted to stay for as long as Gaara would have him. 

Gaara would have kept him forever if he could. 

The thought--sudden and complete clarity--lodged itself somewhere at the front of his mind, shimmering its truth in front of Gaara, like glass casting rainbows upon a wall. 

He kept his expression neutral, flat, quiet, but the realization had inspired a tempest in his mind. 

“Do you want to grab lunch?” Lee asked, unaware of Gaara’s turmoil, and continuing to cast radiant smile after radiant smile in Gaara’s direction--mocking him, tormenting him, beckoning him.

“I promised Temari I’d eat lunch at home today.” 

Like clockwork, Lee’s smile dimmed, like clouds rolling by to obscure the sun. “Oh, of course. I would hate to interrupt family time.” 

“You know you’re welcome to join us. Temari would be insulted if you didn’t stop by, and Ruri will be happy to see you.” 

Lee’s smile returned, as if on cue, and his eyes filled with tears. “Ruri-chan! I could not leave without saying hello to her! Is she still teething?” 

“Most of her teeth have come in by now,” Gaara said. “There are still some issues, but Temari and Shikamaru manage it well.” 

“I would expect nothing less from them!” Lee declared. “Ruri-chan is lucky to have such devoted parents! And such caring uncles,” he added, glancing to Gaara. “Is Kankurou-san around?” 

Gaara snorted, shaking his head with amusement. “He should be--along with one of his friends.” 

Lee blushed, vibrant and high on his cheeks. “O-oh, I thought he stopped bringing his uh... friends by?” 

“He did,” Gaara confirmed. “But he insists this one is serious.” 

“How is Temari-san handling that?” 

“In stride. I believe she’s hopeful.” 

“And you?” 

“I don’t have any thoughts on the matter. What Kankurou gets up to in the bedroom isn’t my concern, so long as it doesn’t have any impact on Ruri--and as far as Ruri is concerned, he’s in agreement. I think he’s trying with this one, but I’m not an expert on romance--” His stomach dropped, a knot forming in his chest where his heart should have been. He glanced to Lee’s earnest face, his gaze glued to Gaara as he hung on his every word. 

“For Kankurou-san’s sake, I hope he finds someone who truly makes him happy,” Lee said with all the sincerity of a hopeless romantic--which Gaara knew him to be, though he’d never understood it. “Love is a wondrous thing, in all its forms! It would be a shame if he did not find that special someone!” 

Gaara couldn’t help wondering, his stomach curdling, if Lee had found that special someone. “A shame indeed,” was all Gaara could think to say. 

By the time they reached his home, in the south-west section of Suna, built into the walls of the plateau, Gaara and Lee had fallen silent. To Gaara, it felt heavy with unspoken intention, and he worried that Lee would sense what he’d discovered. 

It was an irrational fear--Lee, for all that he was a wonderful man and a skilled shinobi, was not known for his observation skills. 

Inside, the smell of simmering meat and fresh fruit filled the air, and the sounds of a babbling toddler echoed from the kitchen. Beside him, Lee sighed, content and sad all at once. 

“It smells wonderful,” he said, voice light. “It is always so nice being here.” 

“Do I hear Rock Lee?” Temari called. 

“Did you hear that, Ruri-chan?” Shikamaru cooed. “Uncle Lee’s here.” 

The excited squeal that followed told Gaara that Lee was most likely going to spend lunch with a baby in his lap. He smiled to himself, his own contentment purring like a cat in his chest. 

“Ruri-chan!” Lee exclaimed, entering the kitchen, arms thrown wide, just like his smile. “Did you miss me?” 

Ruri babbled excitedly, holding her arms up and waving her hands in Lee’s direction. “Iiiii! Iiii!” She hadn’t quiet figured out all her sounds yet, and Lee’s name was only a series of high-pitched shrieks, which never failed to bring tears to his eyes. 

Lee scooped her up without a moment’s hesitation, and was met with an enthusiastic, slobbery, open-mouthed kiss to the cheek. 

“Careful, she’s got most of her teeth by now.” Shikamaru handed Lee a cloth, smiling up at his daughter from the table. “How was your trip?” 

“Excellent!” Lee declared, wiping at the spittle on his cheek. “I almost beat my record!” 

“He missed it by twenty minutes,” Gaara added. 

“And yet you’ve graced us with your company before a rigorous workout?” Temari asked, the arch notes of her voice belied by the amused smile on her face. “Kankurou’s just finishing up in his workshop--oh, and he has a friend--well, I suppose a girlfriend.”

“Her name’s Kougen,” Shikamaru cut in, coming to his wife’s rescue. “She’s from the Puppet Brigade, so I have to assume he’s serious about her.” 

Lee listened intently, bouncing Ruri on his hip while Shikamaru brought him up to speed on Kankurou’s love life, Ruri’s progress (to which Ruri had much to say), and the general happenings in the village. Gaara watched from the other side of the kitchen, his eyes trained on Lee’s expression and his heart in this throat. 

“Gaara, can you help me?” Temari asked from the pantry, pulling him from his contemplation of Lee. He forced his gaze away from the smile on Lee’s face, and followed Temari’s voice into the pantry. 

“What do you need?” 

Temari snorted a laugh. “Nothing. Just saving you from embarrassing yourself.” She held out a jar of preserved lemons, shaking it at him vigorously. “I know Lee’s not the brightest, but he’s not an idiot--you know should know that by now.” 

“What are you talking about?” Gaara bit off, heat rising in his face. 

Temari thrust the jar of lemons into Gaara’s chest. “Don’t play dumb. First of all, I’m your big sister; second, I am literally your diplomatic liaison.” 

Gaara clutched at the jar, staring into Temari’s amused and exasperated expression. “What--what are you talking about?” 

Temari’s expression softened, her smile slipping. “Gaara, I know how you feel--”

Gaara stepped closer, his eyes going wide. “I--”

Temari held up a hand, cutting him off. “You don’t have to talk about it, and I’m not judging you. I know it’s...complicated,” she said delicately, “but if you ever want to tell him, I’m here for you.” 

Gaara rarely found himself caught off guard or speechless. He swallowed, holding the jar of lemons closer, as if to protect himself as he said, “I...only just realized.” 

Temari opened her mouth, then closed it with a snap. “You’re joking.” 

Gaara gave her a flat, unamused look.

“Winds damn me for opening my big mouth. Gaara, I’m so sorry. I really thought you knew--I mean, all these years of him coming over--he’s practically family!” she whispered frantically. 

“He’s our friend.” 

“Yes, he is. But you also stare at him like the Moon herself sent him here,” she said. “I just thought you weren’t ready.” 

“I wasn’t,” Gaara said. 

“What made you realize?” 

Gaara shook his head, closing his eyes at the memory of his treacherous thoughts. 

“Never mind,” Temari said, allowing him to keep this for himself. “I’m sorry I even brought it up.” She grabbed another jar of spices, shooing him from the pantry. 

“--show coming up,” Kankurou was saying, leaning over the chair Kougen was sitting in, one hand idly playing with a loose strand of her hair. 

“I wish I could see it,” Lee said. “It sounds as though the Genin have put quite a lot of effort into it!” 

“The kids are great,” Kougen said. “I think this is our best group of Genin in a while. Last year, a lot of the new ones weren’t interested in performing.” 

“Kids these days,” Kankurou grumbled, a cheeky grin on his face. “Hey, sis. Hey, Gaara.” 

Kougen jumped up suddenly, bowing in greeting. “Kazekage-sama, Temari-sama.” 

Behind him, Temari sighed. “Kougen, how many times do we have to tell you that’s not necessary?” 

Kougen blushed, returning to her seat. “I’m sorry. Old habits.” 

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, babe,” Kankurou muttered. “Lee still calls Gaara by his title, and they’ve been dancing around each other for years.” 

“Kankurou,” Temari snapped, teeth bared. “Help. Me. Cook.” 

“What? But it’s not my turn--” Catching the look on Temari’s face, Kankurou’s mouth closed with an audible clack. “Right. Helping.” 

At the table, Lee was beet red, staring at a particular spot on the wood, mouth pressed into a thin line. He was so focused, he barely acknowledged Ruri as she tugged on his hair, her tiny hands holding onto the black strands in tight fists. 

“So, Lee,” Kougen said, her voice tight as Gaara found a seat at the table. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I mean, everyone in Suna knows who you are, of course, but rumors are so different from actually knowing someone, aren’t they?” 

“There are rumors about me?” Lee asked, still looking at the table. Ruri gave a decisive tug that did nothing to make Lee move, though he did finally look up. 

“Well, everyone knows about your fight against the Kazekage during the Chuunin exams, and we all know you visit often. You’re a bit of an urban legend. The--oh, what is it they call you in Konoha? The Beast?” 

“The Beautiful Blue Beast,” Lee corrected. His gaze slid from Kougen to Gaara, but he quickly looked away when he met Gaara’s gaze. 

“That’s right!” she said with a slap to the table. “I try not to listen to rumors too much, but you do have an impressive reputation here.” 

The flush in Lee’s cheeks from earlier returned, softer than before, and a pleased smile eased the tight line of his mouth. “Well, I hope it is a positive impression.” 

“Absolutely! Any friend of the Kazekage is welcome in Suna,” Kougen declared. 

They passed the next thirty minutes with idle chatter while Temari berated Kankurou behind them in hushed tones and finished preparing lunch. Once lunch was served, Ruri was returned to her highchair so Lee could properly eat, though she cried for the first five minutes until Lee scooted closer and offered to feed her. 

Kankurou glared at his lunch, mullish over Ruri’s clear favoritism. Though he would never admit it, Kankurou had wanted desperately to be the fun uncle. 

By the end of lunch, Gaara knew he’d pushed his luck and was bound to return to his office and an even larger stack of paper work than when he’d first decided to shirk his duties in favor of seeing Lee. He weighed the consequences of pushing his work til later, knowing Lee only had until the morning, but decided against the obviously irresponsible choice. 

Lee had hardly looked at him since his return from the pantry, and Gaara was sure that he would have time to see Lee on his way back to Konoha. 

“I should return to the office,” Gaara announced, voice low so as not to disturb Ruri, who had passed out in Lee’s arms. 

Lee looked up at him, the sunshine in his smile fading like the sun setting beneath the horizon. “Already?” 

“Unfortunately,” Gaara confirmed. “I’ll be sure to see you off before you leave.” 

“I would like that.” 

Gaara held onto the image of Lee smiling up at him for the rest of the night, keeping it close for warmth in the absence of the Sun. 

[cecilspeaks]

137 - The Mudstone Abyss part 3

Kevin: If this had been an actual emergency, this signal would be followed by screaming and chaos.

Welcome to Desert Bluffs.

Hello, Desert Bluffs! It has been exactly one week since language resumed functioning.

We are all of course relieved to finally be able to greet neighbors once again with a friendly “You should smile more!”

But sometimes with good news comes bad news. It’s also been exactly one week since all construction on the Mudstone Abyss was halted. There are still several creeping shadows roaming about the dig site, causing everyone who goes near there to become so overwhelmed with joy that they run away screaming. It’s unclear why the shadows are still there. We don’t know what they want. Some have said they want us to dig no further, and that these shadows are responsible for our loss of language. I think they came out to see the beautiful craftsmanship on our Mudstone Abyss.

Mayor Lauren Mallard called for a halt to construction despite adamant protests from the media. The media spent the past week constantly texting and calling the mayor, telling her construction must continue, because it has been the media’s dream since childhood to bring a grand physical testament to the Smiling God’s endless happiness and love. But the mayor has been slow to respond. She’s probably busy scheduling contractors to restart work on the monument. Maybe the media should try texting the mayor again.

[typing noises] Why… is construction… still… halted… Lauren? Oh, that sounds a bit aggressive. Let’s brighten that tone a bit with… oh, bleeding gums emoji… spider with human eyes emoji, cry-laughing emoji, there we go.

The mayor and I have been close for a long time. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I think our more difficult times were back when we used to run a company together. We had some typical disagreements over who was in charge. She thought that because she was the president of the company, she should have final say on all decisions. Whereas I knew that I was one of the Smiling God’s chosen prophets, and our all-loving devourer would not choose a prophet who made mistakes. I believe ceasing construction was a mistake. Certainly our mayor thinks digging the Mudstone Abyss is somehow connected to our loss of language, and I appreciate her concern, but there is only anecdotal evidence to support this.

More on this story as it develops.

But first, I wanted to tell you that Charles and I went out again! Originally, Charles and I were going to go to the opening of the Georgia O’Keeffe exhibit at the Desert Bluffs Museum of Art. This exhibit features many of O’Keeff’s famous flower paintings, but reimagined as if O’Keeffe were a joyous worshipper of the Smiling God. Artist at the museum have painted large smiles and centipedes over O’Keeffe’s originals, and the result is apparently quite powerful and moving.

Then Charles and I planned to have another luxurious dinner at Vermillion, but at the last minute, Grandma Josephine and her demons told him they weren’t available to babysit Charles’ five-year-old Donovan, and we couldn’t find a babysitter.

So instead Charles, Donovan and I spent the day at the Desert Bluffs’ Spinning Smiles amusement park. We rode the Spine Compressor, the Esophagus Remover, and a brand new roller coaster called Intentional Sepsis. Donovan was really delighted by all the struggling actors dressed in stuffy unvented animal costumes. Donny got his picture taken with one person dressed as a smiling tortoise. We could hear the man in the costume panting heavily and begging for water. Donny turned to the tortoise and said: “The sun calls for sacrifice because the sun loves all that it sees.” The man inside rasped: “Air! Please! I don’t know where I am! Please!” and passed out. [chuckles] Donny giggled right as Charles took the photo. It was actually really adorable. What a great memory to capture!

We went back to Charles’ house and made sandwiches and watched cartoons, but Donny wasn’t interested in the television, he just played with his toy planes, zigging and zagging them over his head, turning and swirling them in reckless fits. I hope he does not grow up to be a pilot.

I sat next to Charles on the couch, mesmerized by the motion of Donny’s planes until Charles and I fell asleep. Around 2 AM, I woke up. Donovan had put himself into bed and Charles was snoring softly against my shoulder. I carefully stood up and pulled Charles’ legs onto the sofa. The whole day had made me happy, but not in the way I wanted to be happy about it. happiness should be something you have, not something you take. I placed a blanket over him and drove home.

I’m getting an update that Mayor Lauren Mallard is holding a press conference at City Hall. Let’s hear her speech live.

Lauren: People of Desert Bluffs, after discussions with City Council as well as some prominent and very knowledgeable members of the media, I have decided to reopen construction of the Mudstone Abyss. I know many people are frightened by the shadow beings drifting around the dig site, as well as the ones lurking in and around your homes, but there is nothing to fear. These shadows are merely the impure souls of those devoured and then later (disgorged) [0:07:52] by the Smiling God. They’re not worthy of your fear. These shadows don’t even have faces. We cannot discern their intentions or feelings. They move around in quick jerks and starts, flickering in and out of our vision, sometimes standing just behind us while sloowly tilting their heads. And unless you’re looking in a mirror, there’s no way you can even see that.

So I’m not sure why you’re all freaking out. Plus they are completely intangible. [chuckling]Watch! There’s one right now, passing in front of me. I’m whipping my hand back and forth right through it. it can’t do anything, it’s just a shadow! It can’t eve smile. [chuckles] Construction resume at 7 AM sharp on Monday. We’ve assigned every citizen a daily 8-hour time slot with two 10 minute breaks. We’ve also hired some clowns to come by to keep everyone smiling. As a former corporate president, I know first hand how important laughter is for maintaining a healthy work environment. Skeleton silverfish! What, uh? Silverfish French press carbuncle. I can’t pillowcase slapstick? Uuh, plenty of hibiscus! Yeah.

Kevin: Ah, Mayor Mallard! Such a way with words. Well you heard her, it’s a joyous day. In fact, probably a future holiday. I cannot wait to start digging again next week, Desert Bluffs! Let’s look now at the Community Calendar. These are probably the last non-construction events we’ll have for a couple of weeks.

On Wednesday afternoon at Morning Bird Records, the Society for Painless Living will be holding a protest march against the construction of the Mudstone Abyss. Well, I don’t usually read press releases for such tiny events, but I guess there might be one or two people who want to exercise their right to assembly. So if this sounds like something you’re interested in, I guess you should go to the march, and then think about all the joy the Smiling God has give you and question your motives for refusing to appreciate it.

Thursday morning, the Citizens of Free Will will host a sit-in at the Sunlite All-day Diner to demonstrate their opposition to the Mayor’s order for mandatory labor on the Mudstone Abyss. Huh.

Oh this looks netter! Thursday afternoon, the Natural Smiles theatre company- I love that name! – is opening their new play, “The Pit of Ruin”. Playwright Danika Lopez says her work is an (--) [0:10:36] parable about the arrogance of religion, government and media. Lopez’ play, according to their press material, tells a story of a bloviating radio host.. who overreaches his position, enslaving an entire town in order to feed his hunger for religious power. I like the sound of this theatre company less and less. There has to be some community event that’s actually fun in here.

Friday morning, the People for Clean Sharp Teeth will be burning Kevin the radio host in effigy. I don’t… understand.

[long beat] I’d like to spend more time on this. Explaining to you, dear listeners, that my happiness is not yours to take. I’d like to have all afternoon to teach you about how you must receive your own joy by making joy, rather than destroying others’ joy. But I cannot spend any time on this, because I’m getting word that Mayor Mallard is being forcibly removed from her podium at City Hall! A large crowd of unsmiling people overtook the Mayor and the city council. The crowd used a tattoo gun to draw a permanent frown on the Mayor’s face, which effectively exiles her from this community. The crowd is chanting: “Pete Ma’s handlebars, Pete Ma’s handlebars!” The police have tried using their bullhorns to call for order, but instead of words they’re emitting bird chirps. Language seems to be failing us again.

Desert Bluffs, I need you to remain calm. I need you to take a deep breath and think positive thoughts. Think about the Smiling God, its mammoth wriggling form and thousands of legs emerging from the earth and devouring your body. Envision your whole self nestled in the moist, loving belly of the divine beast. Smile while you do it, Desert Bluffs. Keep smiling. Keep – I’m getting a phone call. Oh, it’s from Charles! Maybe he found a babysitter.

Hey Charles, I was just thinking about you. You know there’s a night club that opened last month? It’s called No Exit. I thought maybe we could drop off Donny with Josephine this evening and then… Uh huh. So you called to see if I wanted to go to the zoo with you and Donny this afternoon instead? Uh.. W-well, I was just looking at the weather and I’m not sure if today’s the day to… It’s not. Charles. I have the weather report right here. Listen.

[“Hymn #101” by Joe Pug]

I figured it out, Desert Bluffs. The mob outside City Hall has dispersed. They returned Lauren Mallard with her tattooed frown to her position as mayor, but city bylaws prohibit anyone incapable of smiling from serving in that position. So for now, we have no mayor. The drifting shadows around the Mudstone Abyss have dissipated, returning whatever other otherworld they came from, and the construction has begun again at the monument dig site, several days ahead of schedule.

I figured it out. During our phone call, Charles was getting flustered. I asked what was wrong and he said Donovan was distracting him by swinging his toy planes around again. I told Charles to focus on us and not worry about what Donovan was doing. “We can’t talk about us, Kevin, without worrying about what Donovan is doing,” he snapped at me. “Donovan is us. That’s the deal, OK?” And I was hurt. I wasn’t smiling. I don’t like criticism, it makes me sad, and then mad, and then – confused.

Listeners, I don’t often use strong language, so if your ears are sensitive to vulgarity, turn the volume down for a few seconds. I hate! Not being happy. I hate it! There, I said it. I’m sorry.

I thought about what Charles said. I thought about his teeth, his chest, his hair, his snoring, his smile. I thought about Donovan. I thought about Donovan swinging those toy planes around above his head, like the birds in that dream every one of us has every single night. You know, where the birds zig and zag across a blood red sky, recklessly turning and swirling in panicked fits. Donovan’s planes were, in fact, moving in the exact same pattern as those birds. I figured it out. Each movement, each turn, each path of each plane was identical to those birds’ paths.

Listeners, it’s not a dream. It’s a message. The shadows do not speak in our mouthy languages, but in shapes and patterns. I interrupted Charles to tell him this. I told him to take Donny to the Mudstone Abyss. I told him to bring Donny’s planes. Charles and Donny approached the shadowy figures. The gathered crowd called to them to stop, to move no closer to the shadows, but all the crowd could yell was “cabbage coat hangers!” Charles then presented Donny to the shadows, and they flickered as he zigged and zagged his planes above his head. And then – a miracle happened. Glowing dotted lines appeared in the paths of the toy planes. A radiant geometry, triangles and stars and hexagons. The shapes began to connect to each other, circles forming spheres, triangles forming pyramids. The shadows raised their arms and disappeared. Donny stopped flying his planes around, but the dotted lines hung in mid air, an unreadable but completely comprehensible message to the now silent crowd.

They figured it out. One by one, the people returned to the dig site and began carving the shapes they had just seen into the mudstone. As people grew tired and stepped away for rest breaks, they found that their words had returned to them. And when they went back to digging more, they fell silent again, but only because they felt more comfort in their new spatial language of shapes and motion. The anger over the construction was no more. Citizens came together, not just out of a common communication, nor for the good of a great monument, but because happiness finally showed itself to them, and they discovered their own paths to peace. Through the pride of choosing the hard work, for the benefit of all. 

Charles called to tell me how excited he was for me. “You figured it out,” he said. “Kevin, you figured it out.” I told him: “Donny figured it out. He didn’t spout a solution in words, but in deeds. You should be proud of your son, Charles, I said. I am proud of him.” I didn’t say anything else. I need more time to know what else to say. Soon, we’ll go visit the zoo. Hopefully soon we’ll have a night to ourselves. To drink, to dine, to dance, and late at night in a quiet home, to dream a dream of diving birds, of love and language. And we will wake up the same people in a different place. The earth will have moved, the clocks will have moved, the sun will not have moved. But we will wake and we will smile, and we will do our best to understand ourselves and others.

Desert Bluffs, I didn’t figure out the language of the abyss, Donny did. I didn’t figure out what the language intended, you did. What I figured out was that I sometimes push too hard. I will do my best to not do that. We are building this monument because you want to. I want to too, but I’m glad you found your own way here. Lauren, tattooed frown scrawled crooked on her face, is standing over the pit and staring at the shapes the dream has shown us, as though reading messages only she could understand. She is muttering strange syllables to herself and staring at obvious malice at the workers in the pit. So even she has found a hobby in this – post-mayoral life.

Thank you, Desert Bluffs. I love this town. I’m happy you do too.

Stay tuned next for the sound a child makes upon seeing a giraffe in real life.

And as always, Until next time, Desert Bluffs, Until next time.

Today’s proverb: Kangaroos are deer abbreviated.

[glittergummicandypeach]

Islam is Not a Peaceful Religion: A Rebuttal of Mehdi Hasan (Part 2)

We continue at a point where Mehdi Hasan discusses campaigning against Islamic terrorism in the name of Islam, which is irrelevant if such campaigning goes against Islamic teaching. Mehdi claims that Sharia is entirely subjective but if something goes against the express will of Allah, which Mehdi Hasan already has many times in this speech, it cannot be Islamically valid. If Sharia is the law of Allah, in essentials there can only be one version of Sharia, whatever it is, as any contradiction would mean one is wrong. Hasan continues his fallacious case with talk of the number of followers of Islam there are and the age of Islam, which does nothing to prove that Islam is peaceful or to delegitimise the opposing argument in any way.

The main point from this entire speech is Mehdi’s concluding statement. If Islam is a religion of war or violence, why aren’t the majority of Muslims violent? He then acts as if this is an impossible question to answer, but the answer is incredibly obvious. The majority of Muslims is divided into two large groups: one part of that majority does not know that there are verses commanding them to kill or subjugate, and the other part knows those verses are there, but chooses to ignore them. Mehdi Hasan’s main argument is the genetic fallacy once again: the actions of people, whoever they are, do not determine the nature of Islam itself, or show whether or not Islam is violent. Only Islamic scripture can show this, not polls, statistics or opinions, which is why both sides of this debate failed miserably.

Hasan addresses some of the Qur’an’s violent verses, arguing that Islam allows for violence in a specific military context and claiming that some Muslims take these passages out of that context to justify whichever actions they commit. So in order to show that Islam is not a religion of peace, I will examine in their intended context several passages of Islamic scripture in which Allah commands believers to commit acts of violence against unbelievers.

While the proponents of the proposition that Islam is not peaceful failed miserably in this debate and Mehdi’s side won, Hasan did not win through positive scriptural evidence, but by means of a rebuttal of the facile points from the other side. Mehdi Hasan was all too easily able to use the same fallacy he decried earlier and say that the reason that so few Muslims carry out acts of violence is because they are wrong on Islamic grounds. If I had been in this debate, I would have presented the Qur’an only.

The Qur’an is defined in Islamic theology as the direct, perfect, unchangeable, eternal, perfectly preserved word of Allah as revealed through Muhammad. The Qur’an never preaches love for unbelievers. In it, Allah commands killing in over 70 verses. We will look at four of them in context. The first is the most famous: Surah 9:29, which was according to Islamic tradition revealed a year after Muhammad conquered Mecca. In it, Allah commands Muslims to ‘Engage in war with those who do not believe in Allah nor in the last day. Nor forbid what Allah and his messenger forbid, nor believe in the religion of the truth among those who have been given the book until they pay the jizya out of hand and they are subdued.’

There is no aspect of self-defence in this passage. Nor does it have any specific context in the Qur’an itself; it just says that Muslims should initiate war against those who do not believe in Allah. This war must continue until all religion is for Allah, as is detailed in Surah 2:193, where Allah decrees: ‘And engage in war with them until there be no sedition and the religion be to Allah. So if they desist, so there will be no transgression except on the unjust’. Only when all religion is for Allah and the unbelievers desist in what they say can this war stop. Is all religion for Allah right now? No. Therefore, Muslims are still commanded by Allah to engage in warfare against unbelievers.

In Surah 5:33, we can see what the reward is when an person wages war against Allah. Allah commands: ‘Surely the reward of those who war against Allah and his messenger and go about to vandalize on the earth is only that they will be killed or crucified or have their hands and legs cut off on opposite sides or they will be banished from the earth. This is their disgrace in this world, and in the hereafter they will have a great torment’. The meaning of this verse is crystal clear: when someone rebels against Allah, their punishment is to be ‘killed or crucified or have their hands and legs cut off on opposite sides’.

In Surah 4:89, we see Allah say: ‘They desire that you should become infidels as they are infidels so that you should be alike. So do not take any of them for friends until they emigrate for the sake of Allah. So if they turn away, so seize them and kill them wherever you find them, and do not take from them as friends or helpers’. The meaning here is simple once again. Someone who turns away from Islam should be killed wherever he or she is found. I’m not sure in what context this could be a positive teaching, why it would ever be necessary, or which Qur’an verse contradicts this, but you may find it surprising that those who must be killed often willingly accept this punishment in accordance with the will of Allah. In the film ‘Art Of Imposture’, on my website Islam Refuted, we observe the willing taunting, humiliation and execution of an apostate called Isa. Other such instances in the movie usually involved the victims acknowledging their punishment before receiving it, especially for the removal of limbs. Although the scenes are blurred, they are obviously very disturbing, so viewer discretion is heavily advised. Despite the emotional weight, it is essential viewing because it gives you a true insight into the people behind the killings. Children are usually willing participants in the executions shown in the movie, and are all too eager to kill their selected victims. You can watch similar videos in NTAuthority’s series ‘Where are the moderates?’ via this link.

Let us now quickly conclude this brief overview, which really has been the tip of the tip of the iceberg, by looking at some non-peaceful verses regarding women. In Surah 4:24-25, sex slaves are legitimised. Allah reveals: ‘And married women [are also forbidden], except all that your right hand possesses. This is the decree of Allah for you. And it is lawful to you, besides this, to seek out women with your money, chaste without fornication. So, whatever you enjoy by it (their sexual parts) from them, so give them their wages; it is an ordinance. And there will be no sin on you about what you have mutually agreed on after the ordinance’ and in 4:25: ‘And whoever among you who cannot have sex (marry) the free believing women, so [marry] those whom your right hand possesses (slaves) from your young believing girls. And Allah knows best your faith, some of you from others. So have sex (marry) with them with the permission of their masters, and give them their wages with fairness, chaste without fornication and not entertainers of lovers. So if they become Muslim, so if they commit indecency, so torment them half of the torment prescribed for [free] married women. This is for those who fear to fall into fornication among you, and if you were patient, it would be good for you. And Allah is forgiving, merciful.’ Allah’s mercy that Mehdi so reveres is on full display here.

Allah says in Surah 4:34 that ‘Men are in charge of women by what Allah preferred some of them above the others and by what they spend out of their money. So good [women] are obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah has guarded. And of whom you fear rebellion, so preach to them and separate from them in the beds and scourge them. So if they obey you, so do not seek a way against them. Surely Allah was higher, big.’ This is clearly not for a particular time; it is a clear, perfect command in the Qur’an, which is the final revealed scripture intended for all time. An amusing side note here is that this is one of the many verses which conclude by saying that Allah was rather than is, in a grammatical error (a theological impossibility when the Qur’an is the direct and perfectly preserved word of Allah). Usama Dakdok also writes in notes for his translation The Generous Qur’an that ‘women in Islam are dirtier than dirt’, citing Surahs 4:43 and 5:6. Aside from explaining context when necessary, notice how little I have to argue between the points. The Qur’an is clear and explains Allah’s will that way.

My parting challenge here to Medhi Hasan is to name a single verse in the Qur’an that preaches love for unbelievers. I have issued this challenge many, many times, and still have never received a legitimate answer. I contacted Mehdi Hasan some time ago inquiring as to the possibility of a dialogue, but did not receive a response. Aside from me, I am sure others such as Robert Spencer and Sam Shamoun would also love to take on Mehdi Hasan in a formal debate, but his lack of substance would make for an embarrassing trouncing of his position, making it all the more confusing why he is held up as an Islamic apologist at all.

This content was originally published here.

[theseadagiodays]

May 11, 2020

Sanctuaries

My favorite refuge: The view from the summit of my backyard park

I’ve been thinking a lot about sanctuaries lately.  Defined as “a place of refuge or safety; a nature reserve; or a holy place,” the meaning of the word is entirely interpretable by each individual.  

Recently, the term has proliferated in reference to US cities who claim they will protect migrants from a certain unnameable leader’s xenophobic policies.  Unthinkably, this same buffoon has even threathened to withhold coronavirus relief funding to such cities if they continue to harbor “unwanted” residents.

It seems, for every sanctuary, there exist forces who want to threaten them.  This is as true of religious persecution around the world, as it is with safe houses for women escaping violence.

In our Lullaby Project, Instruments of Change works quite intimately with this population.  Through this time, we’ve been fortunate to continue supporting single mothers to write original songs about their hopes and dreams for their children.  What we’ve learned from them is that, ironically, while many of us have struggled to self-isolate at home, these women have never felt safer, with the prospect of being found, or of unwelcomed visits from their abusers temporarily lifted.  

In Women Rock, another program that we’ve shifted to digital engagement through Google Classroom, our participants have written a secular choral hymn identifying nature as the sanctuary that has provided them the most solace during this time.   A verse from their song, Hidden Symphonies is below.

Listen to the silence

Morning bird calls at play

Soul refreshing music

Through isolation days

It is interesting that more and more evidence suggests people rarely catch the virus while outdoors (https://globalnews.ca/news/6906508/coronavirus-outdoors-parks-closed/).  Intuitively, this resonates with me, as someone who has always found sanctuary staying active outdoors. So, while experts stress that social distancing in public parks is still necessary, simply sharing these wild places six feet away from strangers has been a blessing.

Art has always been another refuge for many.   And it’s no wonder some artists have been turning to nature as their canvas.  The Swiss artist, Saype’s work is perhaps the most ambitious example.  His stunning ephemeral piece, Beyond Crisis, made with biodegradable spray paint, is designed to fade naturally as the grass grows, in much the same way we all hope this virus will eventually disappear once nature takes its course (with ample cooperation from humans).

https://twistedsifter.com/2020/05/giant-biodegradable-artwork-of-hope-appears-atop-swiss-hillside/

And finally, another creative community, in Sag Harbour, NY, has found an inventive way to share their work while galleries are closed.  Barns, front yards, and back gardens have become museum walls for dozens of installations that locals are welcome to view, as safely distant drive-bys.  https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/11/arts/design/drive-by-art-long-island.html?action=click&module=Well&pgtype=Homepage&section=Art%20%20Design

Paintings by Darius Yektai; Diane Blell’s “Table for Two Separate tables”; Erik Fischl’s “Young Dancers Dancing”

May 12, 2020

Daily Delights

I have also been trying to hone my lens for finding a different kind of art in nature.  With time to slow down and stay close to home, I have paid much closer attention to the little wonders that surround me.  I began the practice of doing this shortly before self-isolation, when I learned about Ross Gay’s poetic essays collected in his book Daily Delights. https://www.amazon.ca/Book-Delights-Essays-Ross-Gay/dp/1616207922

As if prophetically, NPR featured him on my favorite podcast This American Life, in late January.  https://www.thisamericanlife.org/692/the-show-of-delights

And this reminder, to savor life’s small pleasures was exactly the armor I needed for this period.  Since February, I’ve kept my own daily delights journal.  And here are just a few snapshots that have made the cut since quarantine began.

Baby ducks, Hula hoops, Elderly couple park bench massage, Backyard swing

May 13, 2020

Radio Days

While so much has changed about my daily rhythms, of late, there are a few pillars that I’ve kept in place to give my life some necessary scaffolding, in order to maintain a sense of familiarity and grounding.  

One of these is the ritual that my partner and I have had for years, of listening to This American Life every weekend.  Ira Glass’s strangely pleasing-though-nasally drone has accompanied hundreds of our road trips to mountains, lakes and forests, as we’ve sought weekend adventure. But for now, living room listenting has had to suffice.

On May 4th, the show just happened to be honored with the first ever Pulitzer Prize for audio journalism.  So, that’s a well-earned feather in a podcast’s cap.  But, awards or not, their carefully curated slices of life never fail to amuse and inspire.  

Interestingly, I think more and more people are turning to podcasts, perhaps as an antidote to screen fatigue, and also because it seems to align with the nostalgia for days past that is so alive right now.  So, I wanted to suggest a few podcasts that might particularly resonate at the moment.

If it’s a longing for “other” that’s calling you, there is an incredible website called Radio Garden that lets you travel anywhere in the world, to sonically “drop-in” to whatever environment intrigues you (http://radio.garden/listen/alpha-boys-school-radio/ijKUlByg). For a real time sense of what moves people across the globe, you can experience the music, stories, and language of cultures from Antanarivo to Zagreb, with just a spin of their online globe and a simple click.  Here, you can access literally thousands of radio stations.  However, in my experience, their interface works best on a Chrome rather than Safari browser.

Early in quarantine, when I was in sorest need of a good laugh, This American Life put together an episode on fiascos that really helped bring levity at a time when we all began to feel our world fall apart.  https://www.thisamericanlife.org/699/fiasco

And speaking of when things fall apart, Buddhist nun Pema Chodron’s book of the same name has served as a sort of bible for many westerners, as they’ve turned to the ancient Tibetan tradition in which she was ordained.  Another podcast favorite of mine is Krista Tippet’s On Being.  And her most recent May 7thepisode featured herself and musician/meditator Devandra Banhart alternatively reading passages from this sage book, while reflecting on its relevance for the times.

https://onbeing.org/programs/devendra-banhart-when-things-fall-apart/

May 14. 2020

Finding Bliss

Ai Weiwei’s 2010 “Grapes”, with a coincidental resemblance to the coronavirus

Interviewed about how he’s responding to the virus, Ai Weiwei replied, “I never create anything.  I just try to cope with the situation at hand.” We all need coping tools and strategies for those times when things fall apart.  Ai Weiwei’s plainspoken answer sounds almost religious, the way he describes art as his salve.  And this makes sense to me.  But for many years, faith in an actual religion never did.  Raised as a half-Catholic, half-Jewish Unitarian, I only attended services until I was about 11, when Sunday youth orchestra rehearsals took their place.  So, I never fully understood the role of weekly church service until we travelled to India, for 10-days of Dalai Lama teachings.  This annual offering, which he made for 30 years, was an even greater gift than we expected, given that these Kalichakra teachings ceased just after our 2007 trip, unbeknowst to us.   Every day, for 5 hours, 1,000s of seekers flocked to the grounds of his Dharamsala temple, and listened by radio simulcast, in 1 of 17 native tongues, to his special blend of humor and clarity.  Each day, we all left bubbling to the rim with reaffirmed intention to be our best selves.  The coffeeshops, all over town, were a twitter with armchair philosophy between strangers trying to understand and integrate his words.   Uncanny kindnesses abounded.  And you could feel our resolve get ever more reinforced with each return to his daily talks. However, it’s only once we left Dharmasala, with equally grand intentions to “remember”,  that I recognized the role of these daily infusions. Because with each passing day, best behaviors, careful speech, and pure thoughts deterioritated, if only a little at a time.  

Note the curly-haired, golden-sweatered sore thumb in this sea of burgundy-robed monks...

So, while that did not instill in me a renewed church-going tradition, I have found my own ways to be “reminded.”  They’ve just come in different forms.  

For Geoff, it’s long runs and bike rides that serve as his spiritual medicine.  And for me, it’s a panoply of things.  Sometimes its communion with nature.  Other times yoga.  Writing. Handstand therapy.  Or even what my favorite yoga teacher likes to call “Hammock Enlightenment.”  

Eoin Finn is an artist of the highest order.   Good living is his canvas.  The body is his brush.  And bliss is his paint.  He calls his teaching Blissology, and spreads his backbends, heart-openers, and ocean loving vibes from Indonesia to Byron Bay.  

He and his family have been quarantining in Bali, since they were leading teacher trainings there, just before global travel nearly shut down. And fortunately, he continues to extend his generous spirit through free weekly livestream Stay Om yoga classes, on Facebook.  If you happen to miss his 5 pm Sunday classes, the videos remain online to follow any time. So, I hope some of you take the opportunity to worship the DUDE (Delight in Universal Divine Energy) with him some time. I promise there will be plenty more acronymns and puns where that one came from.  Plus, a good dose of deep stretches for your limbs and soul.

https://www.facebook.com/blissarmy/?__tn__=%2Cd%2CP-R&eid=ARD502BDBWegIvZPmn6ec9pFCtdEPtRnELt_iabxb0_c5Mmnzq3UPiAddV8fEanrbJLeSOhgYWdeQOlu

May 15. 2020

Birthday Bash

Those who know me are aware of the special challenges birthdays pose for my creativity.  I relish the quest for the perfect homemade card, surprise gift, Bitmoji or GIF for a friend or family member.  And I love throwing a good bash.   I am also aware of the undue pressure this has caused my partner, over the years, to come up with a reciprocal gesture or party idea.  But given the added constraints of a quarantine, Geoff went over and above the call of duty this year to produce!

While the novelty of Zoom parties had already worn off, he still managed to find a brilliant way for my loved ones to send serial video messages throughout the day, with the bonus of a clever twist.  I’m not quite sure how he found the time, in his manic 70-hour work weeks, to put this together.  But, 43 clues later, I was delivered a personalized crossword puzzle, with each hint related to the messenger.  He really outdid himself this time, and I could not feel more grateful.

Meanwhile, unsure if he had anything up his sleeve, I got up to my own fun messying my hands to make this Covid Pinata.  I confess, I borrowed the idea from an article I saw online, but just couldn’t resist.  

And last night, of course with proper social distancing, we took great delight in beating the crap out of this brutal virus with a couple of friends.

[i-just-love-writing-crap]

Catching Murphy, Part 1

Warnings: Swearing, possible nsfw content Word Count: About 2391 Summary: You, Miss (y/n) (y/l/n), had a crush on Connor Murphy for years, from a distance of course. You had always been too shy to approach him, and the fact around school that he was an aggressive stoner caused you to become even more shy. One day, in history class, your teacher decided to assign a project and assigned everyone a partner—you and Connor were partnered together. Could you two grow close during the project and remain close? Or will Connor go back to ignoring you after the project comes to a close? A/N: I apologize if Connor is a biiiiit OOC… ;-; Obviously takes place in an AU where Connor is alive Masterlist Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

You sat in history class, your face resting in the palm of your left hand as you looked out of the window. Your teacher, Mr. Boulden, was droning on and on, meanwhile you were staring out the window, not even paying attention. Flickering your gaze to Connor Murphy, you smiled to yourself and bit your lip, before your eyes returned to gazing out of the window.

“…artners,” Mr. Boulden’s droll voice flooded your ears.

That perked your attention, silently asking what the hell he had just said. Thankfully, Connor asked for you, “What did you just say?”

“I said that I will be picking your partners. This is a partner assignment,” Mr. Boulden restated.

Connor grew angry, “You old man! I refuse to work with anybody!”

Mr. Boulden’s nostrils flared and he said, “I don’t much care, Connor, you will be working with someone. And that someone will be (y/n) (y/l/n). Do you understand me?!”

The aggressive Murphy grumbled out an aggressive, “Fine, whatever, old man!”

“Excuse me?” you squeaked out. You partnered up with your long-time crush who you were way to shy to even look at for more than five milliseconds? No way, no how. There was way on God’s green Earth that you could do that without possibly making an idiot out of yourself. Hell, even your best friend commented on how you can’t even say Connor’s name without stuttering. “M-Mr. Boulden, sir, are you sure you want to partner me up with C-Connor?” you stuttered.

You teacher looked at you and answered your question, “Yes, (y/n), I do want to partnered up with Connor Murphy. He is failing my class while you are doing brilliantly. Therefore, you could be a good influence on him. Maybe you could teach him how to take my class as seriously as you do.”

“B-b-but…” you stuttered out, “H-how can I possibly be a good influence on C-Connor, sir?”

“You just can be, I know you can be,” he told you, “get started on the project, (y/n). You get to pick what time period you want to do this project on and do it. Make a PowerPoint about it.”

Connor begrudgingly sat beside you and grumbled, “God damn old man, partnering me up with the teacher’s pet.”

“I-I can hear you, C-Connor…” you mumbled.

“Yeah? And what of it, teacher’s pet?” he growled.

You shrank down and placed your head onto the desk, pressing your forehead against the cold wood-like object. “A-anyways, what time period do you wanna do?”

“Whatever fucking period is the easiest to bullshit,” he answered.

With your forehead still pressed to the desk, you spoke quietly, “Ancient Egypt? I know a lot about that period of time… I-I can do most of the work… if you want, C-connor…”

“Stop stuttering. It’s really fucking annoying,” he said, leaning against his hand.

Wanting to bang your head against the desk at your obnoxious stuttering, you gulp and answered him, “Sorry…” Turning your head to face him, you continued, “But, Ancient Egypt is good for you, yeah?”

Connor rolled his eyes and sighed irritatedly, “Sure, I quite frankly don’t give a fuck.”

“G-good. C-can I come over so we can do some research?” you asked.

Staring right at you, his eyes bored into your very being as he said, “Why the fuck would I let you come over? You said that you would do most of the damn work, didn’t you, what’s-your-name?”

Sighing, you said, “Y-yeah… I did say that, didn’t I? I guess I should start on the work then, huh?”

“Might be a good idea, what’s-your-name.”

“(Y/n),” you said, picking up your head.

“What?”

You looked at Connor and said again, “My name is (y/n) (y/l/n), or you can call me (y/n/n). Please don’t call me what’s-your-name, it’s rude.”

Connor smirked at you and crossed his arms, nobody really talked to him like that. “Okay, (y/n). I won’t call you what’s-your-name. Now, get to that damn work.”

“Yeah, I know…” you said as you start planning out what your presentation. “Wanna focus on the Old, Middle or New Kingdom?” you asked him.

“Which ever one is more interesting so that I can finally get an A.”

You hummed and stared intently out the window, chewing on the cap of your pen as you thought. “Each of the periods of Ancient Egyptian history has its own unique characteristics that could qualify it as interesting. I’m not sure which one is necessarily the most interesting Kingdom,” you said out loud. “During the Old Kingdom, the first period of Ancient Egyptian history was the time of Pharaoh Djoser, who ruled in the Third Dynasty, and he moved the capital to Memphis. Also under his rule, Imhotep, Djoser’s architect is credited with having created the Step Pyramid at Saqqara. Is that interesting enough?”

Connor Murphy looked at you in amazement, you really did know what you were talking about. “Umm…” he said, at a loss for words.

“Oh! Or maybe the Middle Kingdom, or the era of reunification of the whole of Ancient Egypt. Nah… not for now. Maybe we should do the Golden Age of the Fourth Dynasty during the Old Kingdom? That’s where some of the most interesting things happened. Pharaoh Khufu and the Great Pyramid being built. But we can start with Sneferu, the first pharaoh of the Fourth Dynasty,” you mused to yourself. “Or I could talk about the amazement that was Tutankhamun’s life and burial. OH! I can talk about Ankhenaten and his family’s heresy?”

Connor’s eyes watched as life fluttered in your eyes as you talked about that. He came to the deduction that this ancient history must have been your passion. It made him smile to himself, he had never really seen you so animated, let alone so talkative. “Which king is the most interesting?” he asked you.

“Dude! There isn’t one single interesting pharaoh! Also, the kings were called pharaohs, and I will have to ask you to refer to them with the respect they deserve. One of the most interesting is the Boy King, though, but also Pharaoh Hatshepsut,” you said, snapping your gaze to him.

Blinking, Connor gave you a brief, small smile as he answered, “Well, you sure get really fucking bold when you’re talking about Egypt, don’t’cha, (y/n)?”

It took your crush saying that for you to realize what you had done. “O-oh god! I-I’m sorry, C-connor. I didn’t mean to be rude,” you stuttered out an apology.”

“It’s fine, I guess. Anyways, who’s the Boy King and who is Hatchu… Hatschu… whoever that second name is?” he asked, almost curiously.

Now it was your turn to blink. Was the Connor Murphy actually interested in what you were saying? You decided to tread lightly, as you asked, “Are you actually interested, Murphy?” After you questioned him, a silence fell over you two and you cleared your throat, “Okay, so you are. Okay, so the Boy King is the son of the Heretic King, Akhenaten, and his actual name is Tutankhamun. King Tut was born as Tutankhaten, his original name means Living image of Aten. And just to clarify, Aten was the one true solar deity that Tut’s father, Akhenaten decided to flip Egypt’s religion on its head for. You following me?”

Connor took a moment to try and comprehend what you had just told him. “No… not really,” he answered after a long pause.

“Oh, well, I can always try and teach you about it later, if you want. Now, as for Hatshepsut, she was a fantastic pharaoh. Under her rule, Egypt flourished. She established trade routes that had been disturbed during foreign occupation of Egypt during their Second Intermediate Period and thus built the wealth of the Eighteenth Dynasty. She also commissioned hundreds of building projects across Upper and Lower Egypt during her reign. All in all, she was an amazing pharaoh.”

“She?” he asked, “Weren’t all the pharaohs men?”

You laughed as you answered, “Yeah, usually they were men, but their were a small number of female pharaohs. UNFORTUNATELY, Hatshepsut was almost erased from history by her jealous step-son, Thutmose III, who hated that she had ruled before him and been such a success.”

Connor was actually really interested. “You know, you’re actually a really fucking interesting person, (y/n). Maybe you should come over so I can actually help you out, if you want.”

“I mean, that wouldn’t be that bad if you at least tried to help, Connor. It would be different for you, the so-called freak and loner of school. So, yeah? Sure, why not,” you said with a grin.

Connor let out what sounded like an amused chuckle as he said, “Alright then, how about you come over today? We only have two or three weeks to do this project.”

You looked at him with widened (e/c) orbs and said, “Umm… sure. Yeah, that’ll work. I just will have to text my momma saying you’re going to take me home to work on a project.”

“Okay, cool. See you at my truck after school?”

“I-I guess, yeah…” you answered, unsure of what was really happening. Did your long-time crush just ask you if you wanted to have him drive you to his house? Your heart sped up at the thought. How the fuck did this happen?

That was when the bell rang and ended the class. Connor picked up his stuff and walked away. You also gathered your stuff together and left the classroom. You were really shocked that any of that happened. A blush made its way onto your cheeks. “I can’t believe that I did that!” you muttered to yourself.

“(Y/n)! How was class!” came the voice of Alexa, your good friend.

You whipped your head around to look at your gorgeous friend, your blush dying down. “Lexy! Hi! How are you?” you said with a smile.

Alexa stopped beside you and answered, “I am doing great! Now you never answered my question; how was class?”

The blush came back as you whispered to her, “I-it was fun… I actually talked to Connor.”

Your brunette friend gasped and covered her mouth. “You what?! You actually talked to Connor Murphy? The friendless druggie?”

“Hey, don’t talk about him like that, Lexy! I told you he’s not that bad! I used to be a friend of his waaay back in elementary school,” you snapped.

She threw her hands up into the air, defending herself, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, (y/n/n). I meant no offense by it, but it’s just that he’s known as a druggie who has no friends… now.”

“I know he is, but I’ve seen him talking with Evan and Jared,” you said.

Alexa stopped and thought about it. “I mean, it’s not wrong. He has been seen with those two. However, (y/n/n), that doesn’t mean that they’re friends. They could’ve causally bumped into each other in the hallway.”

You laughed, “That could be a possible answer.”

“Yeah, (y/n/n). God! Don’t assume they’re all friends,” Alexa laughed as the two of you started to your next class—English.

It was after school and you almost hesitantly walked out of the school building and looked for Connor. Your hand squeezed your backpack strap as you looked for the loner’s truck. As you looked around for the truck, you were almost hit. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” you screamed at the driver, “I was fucking walking here, you cunt!”

At that moment, Connor’s head popped out of the driver’s side window and he said, “Well, damn, (y/n), I never thought you could scream that loud. Or have the guts to call me a cunt, which I am obviously not.”

Your face fell and immediately you covered your face. “O-oh my God! C-Connor!! I-I’m sorry I screamed at you! I wasn’t prepared for you to almost run me the fuck over!! Like, the fuck is your gotdamn problem?! I was scared half to death, dammit!”

“Are you gonna keep yelling at me for scaring you? Or are you gonna get in my truck so we can work on this damn history project?” Connor asked, sighing almost annoyed.

You sucked in a breath and said, “Yeah, I’m coming… sorry.” As you approached his truck, he unlocked the doors and you hopped into the backseat. You noticed someone sitting in the front-seat and you assumed it was his sister. “Soooooo… are we going straight to your house, C-Connor? Or are we dropping someone off?” you asked.

“I’m his sister,” came the female’s answer.

“O-oh… okay then, so straight to your house?”

Connor scoffed and started driving, “No shit, dumbass. Where else would we fucking go? 7/11?”

You hummed nervously and said, “Maybe…? Or somewhere where I can get some food, please? I can’t eat the school’s lunches because they’re so fucking bad.”

“Are you fucking serious? You want me to stop and get you some damn food?!” snapped Connor.

Seemingly shrinking, you answered him, “Yes… please…? I’m hungry… o-or if there’s something to eat at your house… c-can I eat that?”

Zoe looked at her brother and said, “Connor, just take her to get food.”

“Be quiet, Zoe, no one asked you. We’re going back home and that’s that. No stopping at 7/11. No stopping for food. Nothing. Fucking copy that, (y/n)?” Connor hissed and looked back at you.

You simply nodded, not wanting to anger the aggressive dude. “F-fine…” you answered, your voice kind of breaking unintentionally. And that was that, you three rode in the truck, silently all the way to the Murphy’s house.

A/N: I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS!! T^T FIRST TIME WRITING SHIT WITH CONNOR OR DEH IN GENERAL!!!

[vvakarians]

2 and 27 for Calliope, G and J for Fen'asha?

Calliope Lavellan:

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh? 

Honestly, it depends on the time frame. Pre-Inquisition and early Haven Calliope is nervous enough but they can easily laugh at joke or what have you. The burden of being Inquisitor isn’t quite there yet and they actually find it extremely amusing that people think they’re the “Herald of Andraste” because they’re Dalish and have had 0 knowledge about religion really until now. They’re sense of humor changes too along the course of Inquisition, it goes from easy to laugh at everything to dry sarcastic humor at the beginning of Trespasser. Callie does ease up a little bit afterwards though, lots of stress rolls off when they disband the Inquisition and start making it their own sort of a thing. All in all, it’s not extremely hard for them to laugh at any point in their life, but there are dry spells for sure. 

27.  What causes them to feel dread?

Thinking about what life would be like if they had failed, or if they will fail in the future. Calliope thinks a lot about what Solas might do now that he has plans to basically destroy the world, and they wake up every day wondering what will happen if they walk outside. The gut wrenching, cold in the pit of your stomach dread comes from thinking about their past however, how things could have been different if they had never been who they are now, if Falon’Din had stayed alive. But it’s easy to pull Callie out of that funk, they have they’re husband Isi, and their two kiddos, Athim and Gabriela to fawn over and distract them.

Fen’Asha Tabris

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Fen’Asha is reckless and mean as sin, she can be extremely ruthless if she doesn’t like somebody. It’s hard to write her sometimes because I’m such a fucking wuss, but I’m glad that she’s mean? It really only bothers me because personally I wouldn’t be the mean that she is, regardless though I love my Tabris with all my heart.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Fen is a blood mage so I absolutely had to do some tweaking here and there. The Tabris origin still stands, it was just more of adding the fact after the whole Vaughn thing that the templars found out she was a blood mage. More than that too I try to stray from actually playing her story line, at least on PS3 which is the only console I have for Origins, because I can’t romance Morrigan as a lady. Also since she’s part of my canon, Tauriel is my actual Hero of Ferelden, I had to do a lot of tweaking of the time line because I have a warden from every Origin except Surana and Brosca, so Duncan was doing a lot of running around recruiting lmao. Cassiopeia (my Cousland) was the first to be saved by Duncan and then they fled to the Circle to see if someone could help Cassie as she had gone blind during the burning down of her home, which is when Merielle, my other blood mage was recruited, then they did a little stint near the Circle where they found Tauriel, my Aeducan was then recruited, and Fen’Asha was last on their way to Ostagar. 

[tattoo-lotus]

The AU Where Steve is the Commander of an occupying force and has to get married to keep the peace.

“Steve, you’re freaking out the locals,” Bucky informs him bluntly, he’d been getting more and more angry looks from the locals on his sojourns into the lower town. “If you want to keep a hold of this territory you have to play by their rules you know this.”

“I have been but I won’t take slaves Buck,” Steve retorts, he’s a little peeved because yet again he’s had to unchain another woman and relay to her in the little he know of their language that she is a free woman and can go home if she likes. He’s pretty sure it doesn’t come out that well because a good portion of them looked very upset. One lady had even thrown herself at him and had to be pried off by Bucky and the man who brought the woman in. Steve had tried to make it quite clear that he wanted no more women brought to him and that all women were free under their new rule.

Natasha smirks from her place at the table a knife and a local fruit in her hands, “They don’t think they’re giving you slaves Steven. From what I’ve been able to gather what they our offering you are brides.”

“Brides,” Steve’s voice comes out strangled because while slightly better than slavery he’s never really approved of political marriages. For him personally he objects to being asked to marry a woman.

Bucky snorts in a rather undignified way and chuckles, “Well they’re really barking up the wrong tree then. Gosh, Tasha, do you know why they’re doing this and how to get them to stop.”

“It’s against their laws for their ruler to be unwed. It’s an affront to their gods I’m afraid.” Tasha stares down at the small dark seeds inside her fruit. “If you want them to stop, without an up rising, you’ll just have to get married.”

Steve groans and puts his head in his hands. “Can’t I just give the rule over to you two, you're married to each other that should work right?”

“While we are flatter by your high opinion of us you know Fury would never go for it. Also I’d hate having that much responsibility.” Bucky pats him on the shoulder companionably, “There, there, Stevie at least from the variety they’ve been bringing you I assume they are trying to find someone that meets your taste.”

There have definitely been a variety.  Every possible combination of hair and eye color, skin tone, weight, height, and age had been presented to him. Steve shuddered now thinking back to the little girl and how relieved both the child and the man that brought her had looked when Steve sent them away with a scowl. He’d and Bucky had spared for hours to help work off the rage and at the time he’d only thought the little girl was meant to be a slave.

“Are you thinking of that old crone they brought in yesterday?” Bucky needles while cocking his head to the side. James had been leaving on an errand and had barely caught a glimpse of her. Crone was perhaps an overstatement but there had been lines around her eyes and her hair was almost more white than brown.

Steve winces, “Her name was Peggota and she didn’t even wait for me to say anything. She gave me this look that nearly flayed me alive and strode back out the door.”

“Oh I’ve met her, lovely woman, Steve darling if any girl was to turn your taste it would have been her.” Natasha confieds. “She’s a retired general and as an added bonus she can actually speak our language… mostly. I think we’re lucky she retired or we would have failed in our campaign.”

“Why do I have to get married,” Steve whines petulantly, it’s quite late in the day even for supper and that part of the excuse he gives himself to justify his behavior. “Fury’s our King and he’s wed. He even has a son and heir that is also married, really all the marriage avenues should be covered.”

“You conquered them. You’re the ruler the people see and accept Steven,” Natasha says not unkindly. “I’ve spoken to Peggota about it and she says marriage is unavoidable if you want to peaceably maintain power.”

“Fuck,” Steve swears quietly but fervently.

“Yeah sounds like you’re screw,” Bucky agrees. “How long do you think we can put them off for before we can expect revolts.”

“Peggota originally thought Steve could last another month; but after your little outburst making clear your rejection of all women she speculates maybe a week more.” Natasha answers and Steve knows she nearly always unflappable but her tone is unfeeling in the extreme given the circumstances.

“I guess you’ll just have to go with somebody they bring by this week,” Bucky says and he at least sounds worried. “Here’s hoping she’s a witty conversationalist and has no desire to procreate.” He raises his cup in Steve’s directions and take a long drinks. Steve stared sourly at his own beverage thinking that if he does have to marry a woman maybe he will take up drinking. Neither men notice the small smug smile that momentarily graces Natasha’s pretty face.

Four days later there have been five fights in the lower city and no new brides offered. Bucky had come in with a black eye broken ribs and a grim expression before lunch. Natasha was unharmed but her features had taken on pinched look when she joined him for lunch and explained that her husband would not be joining them. Steve wanted to scream about stupid religions and laws.

“I swear i will marry anyone they bring in over the age of 25,” He promises her.

“An odd age to chose,” She comments.

“No one should get married younger than that in my opinion. The human brain doesn’t fully develop until then so how can they be expected to make a choice this important.”

“Says the man you allowed himself to be experimented on at age 21,” Natasha counters.

“Yeah well, that only affected me,” Steve grumbled lamely. “Anyways I really don’t want to be stuck with someone so much younger than me.”

“In a way that is a more reasonable objection though your body isn’t aging at any noticable rate,” Natasha points out.

“Don’t remind me,” Steve mutters.

A woman approaches and bends down to whisper something in Natasha ear.  The tension that was nearly invisible before completely vanishes. When the woman leaves Natasha looks over at him wish a soft if slightly bittersweet smile. “Steven I do hope you're prepared to make good on that promise.”

“What is it Tasha?” Steve asks nervously.

Natasha wipes her mouth  on her napkin before responding just to draw it out. “Peggota has arrived with a bride that she thinks will meet your needs.”

“I didn’t think Peggota thought much of me,” Steve says and tries to fight down the roiling in his guts. He definitely regrets eating anything in the last day.

Natasha shrugs, “Peggota wants what is best for her people and she thinks that our forces will rule fairly and not abandon them when the next Hydra attack comes.”

“Do you know she was going to be searching for a bride for me?” he’s pretty sure he she has known for a while now. He doesn’t like that she’s kept it from him.

“After she heard about what you did a few days ago she came to me and asked me a few question. I asked her a few more, we discussed option and she left. She made me no guarantees and in fact told me that if she wasn’t here by supper today her niece would stop by to offer herself tomorrow. You’ve met her niece by the way, she was the one that handled the surrender.”

“General Carter is Peggota’s niece?” Steve has a hard time imagining being married to the blonde woman more than a day without being murdered by her.

“Yes,” Natasha answers. “Now I can tell you’re stalling and Peggota hate’s to be kept waiting.”

Steve thinks about making some objection and fussing over rank but he knows she’s right and that Natasha can kill him easily. He stands, takes a short moment to make sure he looks presentable, and walks with all the courage he can muster into the audience chamber.

Peggota is impassively waiting in the center of the room with a tall figure shrouded in rich black silk that has been embroidered with gold in strange patterns. The woman must be tall, nearly Steve’s own height, and is a little wider in the shoulder than most women. Her figure and face are entirely covered, which is unlike anyone else that has been brought before him.

“Lord Commander Rogers, I have come to offer you a bride to you may governed my people with intelligence and compassion.” Peggota begins, and her accent is notable but so far her understanding of his language appears to be good.

“I thank you for your offer.” Steve actually isn’t sure what to call Peggota other than that so he adds, “I’m afraid I don’t know how to properly address you. Might I inquire as to your preference in titles?”

A smile tugs at the corner of her mouth, “In formal public address you should call me ‘The Honourable Dame Carter-Martinelli’ in less formal circumstances Dame Carter-Martinelli will do. If I decide I like you Peggota will do.”

The muffled sound of a chuckle come from the shrouded figure and Steve is surprised by the tenor of it. It can be hard to tell with a laugh but it sounded almost male.Steve chides himself for wishful thinking. He wishes he could see the person under all that cloth but it’s not like it matters in the increasingly desperate situation.

Steve swallows and forces himself to speak with more conviction than he feels, “Honourable Dame Carter-Martinelli assuming that the bride you have brought me is here of their own free will and desire I accept your offer.”

The noise that comes from beneath the cloth Steve is pretty sure is an expression of surprise. Peggota’s expression simultaneously shows amusement, pleasure, and the sort of exasperation that is most often seen on beleaguered parents faces. “Oh they are definitely here of there own choosing, there are however some… non-negotiable conditions too this offer.”

Steve hadn’t understood most of what had been said the other times people had offered him brides but he was pretty sure this wasn’t normal. “I’ll hear your conditions then,” Steve says and hopes it’s not anything to awful.

“Most importantly there is a child not yet two years under the guardianship of your bride, you must keep the child and honor and protect it as you would your own. Is this an acceptable to you,” Peggota asks.

Steve likes children though he’s never thought he’d have any himself, he supposes that it could be possible now. He nods, “It is acceptable.”

The shroud sags a bit in relief obviously the well being of the child means a great deal to her. Steve wonders if the child is actually the girls and is the offspring of a past lover. The lady wears black so it could be that she is in mourning for a past husband. Maybe it’s the child of a dead sibling that she has been put in charge of.

“Good,” Peggota says pleased for the moment. “Your bride is very intelligent and well trained in the creation of machines, they take joy out of working with and designing such things as will be useful to the people. You will allow your bride to continue in this path.”

Oh well that was interesting, and inventor, it would be interesting to see what she was capable of. “That is also acceptable,” Steve says and the shrouded woman loosen up further.

Peggota nods, “In the past your bride has been asked to create weapons,” his intended stiffens, “you will not ever ask or demand that your bride build any weapon.”

There is a bitter edge to Peggota’s voice and Steve suspects that somewhere in the past this has been asked and demanded and that is did not go well. “I will not ask my bride to do anything at is contrary to her own convictions.” another small noise, that Steve really hops isn’t a sob, can be heard from behind all that damnable fabric. Steve looks at his bride more directly, “I will not ever ask you to build any weapon and I most certainly will not demand it.” there is what looks like a nod from his bride to be and it finally occurs to Steve that she can understand everything he’s saying.

“Excellent then I will send for a priest and lawyer and we will meet back here in an hour,” Peggota says and turns away apparently to do just that. She about out of the room before she turns back to the shrouded figure that hasn’t moved, “Oh Anthony be a dear and had him the chain, I always forget about that blasted step.”

The shrouded figure nods and Steve wonders at the name of Anthony for a girl. The hand that holds out a delicate gold chain to Steve has long fingers with short well kept nails and has quite a few and varied fine scars. Steve takes the chain and marvels at the callouses that graze his palm. This is not a woman's appendage.

“You’re,” Steve swallows the lump of hope that’s nearly choking him, “man? You’re a man?” it doesn’t come out of his voice very loudly but the figure flinches.

There is a wariness in the pitched low voice that responds, “Until the marriage charter is signed I can not confirm that; but would it bother you if I was? Aunt Peggy made it seem as though that would be preferred, or are you someone that has no desires for the flesh? If that is the case i will respect it.”

“No,” Steve sound a little panic even to his own ears. “I um your Aunt, that is Dame Carter-Martinelli, she is correct I do prefer men.”

Again the shroud seems to relax and it sighs out the word, “good.”

“So why can’t I have confirmation until after we’re married,” Steve asks.

“Tradition and really old complicated laws,” Anthony hisses. “Now please stop asking me questions there needs to be plausible deniability.”

“Right,” Steve says and agonizes in silence while waiting for Peggota to return.

[faygosmayhem]

Story Time #2- Final Fantasy & Me:Part 2

The Reason People Should Be Afraid of Clowns: 

I was gifted the PlayStation Final Fantasy Anthology at the end of the ‘04/’05 school year to celebrate my moving up in the world. On it was ported versions of Final Fantasy V and Final Fantasy VI, which had originally been released in the US for the Super Nintendo as Final Fantasy III.

 I started out playing V a few days later. For some reason, it never grabbed me at all. I got through a good chunk of the game, then hit a troublesome boss and just stopped playing it. I still can’t remember anything about the game no matter how hard I think on it. Probably because it was overshadowed by what came next.

 After rage quitting FFV, I moved on to VI and never looked back. Similar to IX, I was automatically captured by the game’s easy charm and emotional resonance. The characters in that game are so multifaceted and I found each of them to be wonderful in their unique way. 

The one thing VI has that IX, unfortunately, does not is a fantastic villain. Kefka, the demented little fashion-challenged asshole, easily set the standard for things that make up the perfect villain to me. This guy had absolutely no motivation other than just wanting to watch the world burn, and is a key citation of personality traits you never, ever, want to encounter. 

Comical as he was, Kefka scared the ever loving crap out of me, much more than any horror game or movie I’ve experienced since then (with the exception of Silent Hill 2), and I freaking loved it. Of all the memorable aspects of FFVI, that maniacal laugh is always the first thing to come to mind. 

Me In The Spotlight, Losing My Religion

( readers with sensitive views on religion might want to avoid this part)

People always look at me like I’ve grown a second head when I tell them that a video game is the reason I became an Atheist. I agree that sounds a little extreme, but back in ‘05/’06 when I finally caught up to the rest of the world and got my hands on Final Fantasy X, it made perfect sense. 

For the first time, I wasn’t the one in my circle of three close friends to acquire the game first. That honor went to my friend Mikey (that is not her real name), who had just been gifted the game and a Ps2 of her own. The problem was that she didn’t have a memory card and couldn’t afford one (they were anywhere from 25-40$ dollars at the time), and called me up one day desperately begging to borrow mine after having had to play through the intro of the game all the way to leaving Besaid island for the third time because her mom kept shutting off the system.

 Of course I wanted to help her out, but this created a bit of a problem; I couldn’t lend her my memory card indefinitely because it would prevent me from enjoying my own games. The solution was for us to play through the game the first time completely in each others company. By that point we were used to getting through sections of games together, but this was the first (and last) attempt for us to play the entire game under the stipulation that the game could not continue unless both of us were there. So, naturally, I practically moved into her house for the summer. 

Things started out fun enough. We ruthlessly made fun of the game for hours on end. We shared laughs and frustrations with the game’s mechanics, had fun recording amusing cut-scenes and lines of dialog (we made a YouTube poop VHS before YouTube was even a thing), and were just generally loving life at that point. 

Then we get to fucking operation Mi’ihen. 

That section of the game floored us both. We had just finished learning about Constantine and Crusades the year previous in school and had commented earlier about noticing the reference, though I never thought the game would ever try to give such a direct example. 

For those in need of a quick refresher, Operation Mi’ihen was the part of the game where the Crusaders and Al’Bhed team up and try to use a new type of machina to defeat Sin. The operation fails, most of the people who take part are slaughtered by Sinspawn, and the Crusaders who survive are excommunicated by the church for going against the teachings, even though two of Yevon’s most prominent figures were on site to ‘Bless the Operation’. Operation Mi’ihen was the point in the game where the religious allegory really got heavy, and just kept getting worse from there. 

After that section was over we both needed a break. I finally went home for the first time in about two weeks, and spent the next few days recharging my batteries until I was comfortable picking the game up again. We went back to joking about the game pretty easily, though the tone didn’t exactly improve from there. The next time the game broke me was during the revelation of Yevon and the Final Summoning. 

The knowledge that the entire journey up to that point had been a lie, a pointless quest of willing Martyrs that were being deceived themselves hit me the hardest. During that part of the game I adapted traits of characters I hated the most. I was dumbfounded, whiny, frustrated, and unwilling to believe what was going on even though the evidence was being clearly presented. I was Tidus and Wakka combined, and at that point I hated myself for it. I came to really loathe Yevon and its real world basis. 

When the game finally ended, I spent a few weeks in quiet contemplation. My friend wasn’t religious, and never had been, and couldn’t understand the extreme negative reaction. I was young, and at the time unable to formulate and articulate enough explanation while my feelings were still so turbulent. I distanced myself from her for a time while I tried to work it out. 

All these years later I can finally put words to the metaphor I saw when I witnessed the end of the game. To save her world from Sin, Yuna sacrifices her fayth (the Aeons) and kills the dream (the Zanarkand utopia). The lie of Yevon is disbanded and the world enters an Eternal Calm. 

I couldn’t explain it at the time, but I felt it. After coming to terms with everything, I renounced my faith in the church. Playing Final Fantasy X wasn’t the only catalyst, there were plenty of real world instances and influences that had me questioning even before the game, but FFX was definitely the boiling point. 

X is the only FF game I’ve never been able to play all the way through more than once. I went back again after my friend let me borrow the game for myself in order to get through all the sidequests, but never progressed past getting inside of Sin. When the re-masters came out, I tried again and couldn’t make it past the Mi’ihen Highroad. 

Final Fantasy X was a very good game, but it is still probably my least favorite of the ones I’ve played. 

Horrible Feeling Redux- This Time With Fun Costumes!

I honestly don’t know why I bothered with Final Fantasy X-2 this time around. I guess there was a part of me that wanted to see if the fake world was dealing with the loss of Fayth better than I was. My first playthrough of the game took me about six hours, and I was left so angry I almost broke a controller. 

Once again, it took a chance encounter and consult of a guide for me to realize I played the game wrong, and that by only following the game’s main story points I had missed about 9/10ths of the content and that was the reason the game felt incomplete and pointless. With frequent trips to the EB Games across the street to re-check the guide I eventually was able to 100% the game and get the actual ending. 

I honestly don’t remember much of the plot, too much got drowned out in the endless repetitive mini-games and AP farming. I do remember liking the new characters, and that overall I was pleased with the re-visit to the world and how well the game handled the familiar while still being new enough to not feel like the same thing over again. I also must have watched that fmv of ‘1000 Words’ about a hundred times in that sphere dome (I had a file saved at the location so I could just watch it whenever). The take on the classic job system was interesting, but at the time I was a huge tomboy, and felt pretty offended that the game seemed to be trying to appeal to a female market by making the entire plot revolve around clothes. 

All in all, X-2 gave me peace with X. As much as I complain about it, I did end up liking it, though it was a game I could have done without. 

Ok readers, I know I promised XII with this part, but re-living the feelings of X took more out of me than I was expecting, so now it shall be lumped in with XIII, XIII-2 and XV. I do hope it’s as much of an experience reading it as it is writing. I’d like to hear some memories other people have with the series, if you have the time to share. 

Also, the header for X is a line from the song ‘Losing My Religion’ by REM. 

[mikeswheeler]

I was tagged by the lovely @finnxwheeler​ and @jewishstanuris​ ♡

Okay so answer the questions and then tag 8 people!

What made you sign up to Tumblr? HOOO BOI well i’ve been on this site for,,, a long time lmao i signed up with my first account aka my main, personal one in around early 2011 ??? and it was honestly just bc i wanted to see what this site was all about bc i kept hearing ppl talk about it on other sites and reference it and i was like ???? what is Tumblr anyways ?? (like it was all bc of that “What is air?” stuff that was happening and i was so confused bc i was like why is everyone asking about air and then my older brother was like oh it’s a Tumblr thing so i was like what’s that and well,, the rest is history)

What did your blog start off as being? WELL my first account was basically cringe-central, like this was in 2011 so my content was basically Memes and Tumblr-esque inspirational quotes and cheesy, basic lookin’ photography (i was also really into anime and Harry Potter at the time so that was another thing) (oh and for some reason i had a Lolita phase where i was super into that style of fashion) (i was a weeb as a child)

Have you ever received any creepy asks, and if so, what did they say? Ehhhhhh,,, kind of ??? like i’ve definitely gotten a couple that i either wanted to deflect or i just kind of conveniently deleted it from my inbox and pretended it never happened lmao 

Have you ever had a bad experience on Tumblr? All the pornbots like it’S SO ANNOYING ??? AND GROSS ?? it’s especially apparent on my personal blog idk why but i have to block so many at a time smh 

If you had to pick a favourite English monarch, who would you pick? This is like a question i’ve never had to think about so I’m not really sure what to answer... 

Do you prefer hot or cold? COLD COLD COLD i’m also in California though so our cold isn’t like...... unbearable ya know ??? but i can’t stand being super hot and sweaty, it’s so uncomfortable !!! 

Do you have a special skill or talent? UHM I GUESS ACTING ????????? idk i kinda don’t wanna say that bc that’s implying i’m like ‘good’ at or whatever, but i have been in multiple plays/musicals before and even gotten an award for one of my roles so i guess that counts for something !!! 

Do you have a phobia of anything? Tight spaces, spiders (or just bugs in general), the dark, heights, anything medical related so blood and needles and hospitals and what not, aliens/the paranormal/supernatural (it’s not such a wild concept ok like it’s all totally plausible)... uHM yah i’m a big baby about a lot of things 

If you had to pick a favourite real life villain from history, who would you pick? Again, never had to consider this question before in my life so i’m not really sure !!!

Do you have any dark traits?

There are times where i’m pretty withdrawn and moody and easily irritated 

If you could do anything, literally anything, like fly on a unicorn or something, what would it be? 

Is it weird if it’d be something like,,, be cast on Stranger Things ??? like i think i fantasize about being on that show ten times a day, i just...... i really wanna be on Stranger Things gOD IMAGINE HOW AMAZING THAT WOULD BE 

What is the scale of the worst argument you’ve ever had? Slamming doors, raised voices, lots of crying...... fun times !!!

What is your favourite slush flavour? Not really into slushies tbh 

If you could bring back any food or drink from your childhood that has been discontinued, what would it be? DUNKAROOS ????? i feel like any snack from the 90s tho like we just don’t have anything as fun as what we had back then 

What is your favourite and most vivid childhood memory? Nothing specific but i remember playing outdoors with my siblings A LOT like we had a pretty big backyard so we’d constantly be out there, being imaginative and coming up with fake scenarios and acting them out, or like playing with the hose in the summertime or THE POOL omg we had this pool and we’d be in it so much...... also video game battles with my older brother ! my childhood was kinda shitty but at least i have those moments to reflect back on 

If you could bring anyone back from the dead who would it be? My first theatre teacher from high school... he passed away due to cancer around my sophomore year... he was really inspiring to me, i mean he’s kinda the reason why i stuck with that class and didn’t totally give up (thus resulting in me finding out that i love acting and that’s what i wanted to do with my life) 

If you could go back to any time period and live there for a week, which period would it be and why? GIVE ME THE 80′S OH MY GOD my mom grew up in the 80′s as a teenager so i always hear all the stories from her about what it was like and it seemed like ??? so cool ?? especially if you were a teen like what a dream ! give me my 80′s teen movie memories !!!

If you could visit any abandoned place to take pictures, where would it be?

Wow, this is actually a good question....... maybe like a retro arcade or art museum or amusement park ???? i feel like those could make for some Neat Photos (the aesthetic tho)

Do you have any particular, peculiar interests? Hmmmmm psychology interests me ?? i took a psychology class my junior year of high school and it was really fascinating, learning about human behavior and those stories of old psychology experiments (so Wild too like damn, i can’t believe they got away with so much shit back then)

Do you have a creepy/scary experience that has happened to you, and what was it? Not necessarily to me personally like, i’ve heard things before but idk to what extent that could mean so i never really looked Too Much into it bUT UHM i know my family has, especially in my childhood home (that place was straight up haunted like i swear) ALTHOUGHHHHH one night my mom was talking to us about something she saw in her room and all of a sudden a bunch of weird shit started going on in our apartment like our printer kept turning on and off and noises came from the kitchen like a cabinet shutting and things like that IT WAS CREEPY OK 

Do you like/read creepypasta stories? If so, what’s your favourite story? Don’t really have a favorite, but i have read creepypasta stories in the past before - they’re pretty intriguing ! (i’m a total wuss tho!!!! which is why i don’t read enough to have a personal favorite)

If you were in the Wars of the Roses, would you be a Lancastrian, or a Yorkist? Haven’t given this any thought before to decide so I DON’T KNOW !

What is your recurring nightmare? Don’t really have any ????? 

Have you ever had a lucid dream? Nah, because the moment i become aware i’m dreaming and i can do whatever i want, i wake up !!! it’s so frustrating lmao 

If you could go to another planet, which would it be? UHM i just really like the way Saturn looks lmao also Venus bc it sounds Nice but in terms of living conditions, i’m sure none of those are suitable  

What is your religion, if any? Don’t really have one !!!! (in the sense of actively practicing) although my mom is Jewish so i have always felt the most connected to that one 

Have you ever got so drunk, that you did something really embarrassing, and if so, what did you do? i’ve never gotten drunk before so lmao 

Mike, Dustin, Lucas, or Will? THIS IS ???? NOT FAIR ??? THEY’RE ALL MY SONS HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE JUST ONE but fine, i pick Mike just bc i feel the most related to him in the sense of personality traits 

Do you like Marina and the Diamonds? SURE ??? she’s got some good stuff 

Charli XCX? YAH SURE WHY NOT i like some of her stuff !!

Tag a blog that you’ve seen, and you love their posts, but have never told them, and would like to talk to them. @miliebobbybrown HER EDITS ARE ALWAYS SO ??? GOOD ???? her whole blog is total #goals just bc of how Nice everything is like wow i am,,, Intimidated but in the best way possible

Pick one thing you like/love from the 80s. The pop culture :^) (movies, music, fashion...... like wow, i just love it all so much)

What year were you born, and name something cool from that year. 1998 and Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets was published 

What was your blog name originally? (If you had another blog name) This one was originally lifeisdefinitelystrange (rip) 

Do you follow any blogs that you know the user in real life? KIND OF ?? I JUST MET @telekineticeggos FOR THE FIRST TIME IN REAL LIFE LAST NIGHT SO LMAO but we’re also planning on doing more things together in real life in the next few months so YEET 

If you are in the ST fandom, which is your favourite song off the ST soundtrack? Africa by Toto (duh), Atmosphere by Joy Division, Heroes by Peter Gabriel, and When It’s Cold I’d Like To Die by Moby (those last two songs were too emotionally impacting to not name) and from the score itself i LOVE KIDS THAT ONE IS SO GOOD TO ME LMAO but tbh i love the entire score and soundtrack ???? it’s so hard to pick just One Favorite

Finally, give your opinion on the person who tagged you! @finnxwheeler - YOUR WRITING NEVER FAILS TO AMAZE ME WOW ??? i’m always in tears over how flawless your fics are like Whiskey and Broken Hearts destroyed me my dude like oh my goddddd i love your characterization of Mike and Will in all your fics :’) one of my favorite byeler blogs ♡ (also you’re super cool in general like wow what a Neat Person)

@jewishstanuris - I LOVE TALKING TO YOU !!! you’re so nice to me and understanding when i take ten years to reply LMAO also your writing is also super good ??? you should do it more often tbh like i swear you don’t do it enough bc i remember only seeing a few things written by you on here in the fandom buT LIKE THEY WERE SO GOOD AND LIKE ???? DO MORE OF THAT MAYBE ??? another rlly good blog apart of the byeler ship ♡ :’) 

OK SO I’M GONNA TAG THESE GOOFS - @telekineticeggos, @dadharbour, @baileytsample, @elevenknope, @nessa007, @theamiableanachronism, @eggo-my-leggo, and @ghost-grantaire ♡ (obviously you don’t have to do it if you’re not interested or if you’ve done it already!)

[firstpuffin]

A life of boredom; I hope people can gain strength from this pt 1:

One thing that I hear again and again about people with mental illness or learning disabilities or even just with a far from ideal situation is that they feel alone. I’ll say first of all that I’ve never felt like this; I’ve never felt alone and I’ve never felt like a disappointment or like I’ve let down my parents. But I imagine that it would feel terrible.

  So I figured I’d put my rather boring story out there. It’s not one of success or any great tragedy; all things considered it’s been a pretty dull existence. But if it can help someone feel like they aren’t alone then maybe it’s worth it.

Also, I have no time to research a proper article.

  This entry is going to be more of a background to who I am and what I had to live with, with an actual sequence of events coming later. Nothing particularly bad ever happened to me, but there were a lot of smaller things that built up; you know what they say about straw and the camel’s back.

  I don’t really want to focus on the bad, I had a lot of good too. But you remember the bad, don’t you? While the good fades away.

 So first of all, I was originally inspired to write this when I realised that when I graduate from university this coming May, it will be exactly ten years since I graduated from high school. This is astonishing for a number of reasons: one, it doesn’t feel like ten years at all and two, I still feel like I’m sixteen years old. A sixteen-year old who can drink and who maybe should have accomplished more by now.

  There are other reasons why it feels wrong; I knew my best friend back in first school but we parted ways for middle school and by some holy shit level chance ended up in the same high school. And yes, we didn’t do the elementary to primary school thing; I only discovered that was even a thing during high school and I didn’t understand what it was. I went to three different schools and didn’t transfer once. But anyway, me and my pal have been pals constantly in the thirteen years since then; he introduced me to manga and to so many video game series and stuff. It’s also been roughly eleven or twelve years since I fell out with who had been up until then a constant in my life, but that’s for later.

  It doesn’t feel like I’ve done much of anything, at least not anything of worth in those ten years. Not until I came to university.

 Background: I am the youngest child in a family of four, my brother knowing what he has wanted since he was a child and worked constantly towards it. I would try to copy him and fail miserably. I looked up to him as someone who could do everything that I couldn’t.

  My dad was a straight-forward thinker who comes across to new people as stern and scary, but in reality he’s basically a big teddy bear (not in that way; in the more traditional sense). You just need to get past that cold facade first.

  My mother was overbearing but it was out of love rather than some other kind of twisted motive. I hesitate to talk too much about this lest it comes off badly, but it is a prime example of how the best intentions can go awry. She wanted me to be a child and so didn’t insist on making me do chores and instead did everything for me, so I never learned to be independent. Whether it was something to do with my combination of learning disabilities or just me as a person, I just let her do so. One of my greatest joys at university has been the independence, or more accurately the requirement to do everything myself. I love the cleaning the washing, the cooking.

  Oh my god, the cooking. I loathe food. Or at least I used to, I’m still not a fan. I now think I know why, but the original guess was that because I had rhinitis (think year long allergies; specifically a blocked nose) and couldn’t smell anything, that I couldn’t taste things correctly. I now know that being dyspraxic can mean an oversensitivity of the senses; like taste and touch. My dyspraxia meant that I disliked most strong-tasting foods. Or really food in general. Sure there were a few things I liked, like burgers or pizza, but no curry, no shepherd’s pie… really nothing with a sauce or herbs. Or onion. Or mushy textures. Or mixed textures.

  Guess what foods my family loved. Everything I hated. Mealtimes were the worst, I dreaded them. I genuinely feared going out to eat. And you know what made it worse? The complete and total lack of sympathy. I was fussy, I should just deal with it. There are children starving in Africa. So I did. I learned to eat things I hated for every meal, even when my peers would refuse to eat what they kinda maybe slightly didn’t like.

  But now I live alone and I have slowly increased the meals that I do actually enjoy, or at least don’t dislike. And it’s amazing. I don’t have to fear mealtimes anymore.

   Also, my parents didn’t do Christmas. Or Easter. Or Halloween. Or birthdays (although my mom tried to work around that). And Mom avoided fairy tales because she knew of their dark origins. You know, screw the current cheerful version of Cinderella; the older versions had body mutilations *gasp*. Bodily mutilations that…are not… in the current versions…

  Mom meant well, but most of my Disney knowledge comes from the Kingdom Hearts series. So that’s weird.

  And I’m actually kind of relieved that we never did Christmas, that holiday is a freaking mess.

 So what else? Well just for a bit of background, I don’t and never did experience sexual attraction. This may seem like an odd thing to mention but do me a favour and look around; sex is everywhere! And it’s very confusing to a kid who doesn’t even know what it means to be or to find someone attractive. Over time I’ve learned to see what is aesthetically pleasing, but that’s just the viewpoint of an artist. It was very hard for me thanks to that; and even harder when during high school, events made me think that I was bisexual (it was high school, who didn’t think they were bi?). I’m not going into them because I still don’t understand what was going through my head, but eventually I realised that I wasn’t technically bi, because I didn’t experience attraction. I now say that rather than being attracted to males or females, it’s more that I’m not not attracted to them.

  It’s weird, it’s confusing and hopefully you can understand why things were difficult for me. I’d be talking to my male friends when all heads turned to follow a shapely ass (I don’t get the appeal) and I would be wondering if they were listening to me (they usually weren’t). Still, it got some amusing responses from people who couldn’t understand.

 Next, I didn’t have a passion like my brother, I had no motivations to encourage me to work and even worse, I was smart enough that I could coast through school with acceptable grades and the constant nagging that “I had potential”; although I suspect everybody hears that. Still, with no skills to speak of and no motivation, I just lived. Without purpose. I kinda still do. The only reason I have any goals at the moment is to keep occupied.

  As a child, Mother was scared to let me go out, so I played the few video games that we had, watched the few television channels that I could, and read. Hoo boy did I read. My parents were keen on reading and so provided book after book and despite my dyslexia, I was soon waay above my peers. I was reading adult novels (no, not that kind; although one or two of the sci-fi books may as well have been) when I was in middle school (roughly around 9 and 13 years old; I can never remember). I firmly believe it was the reading that helped me overcome my dyslexia and look at me now, learning to write fiction and non-fiction and studying language. Of course, I have no social skills to speak of, so being able to go out might have been helpful.

I was also dyspraxic, but somehow I didn’t find this out until just a few months ago. Like seriously, I can’t blame anybody for this because it’s so extreme in its weirdness. My parents knew, adults I grew up with knew, even my brother knew; so how did I not? My assumption is that being dyslexic, I got the two very similar sounding words mixed up and for some reason people only focused on my dyslexia. It’s also pretty clear that my parents knew nothing about dyspraxia so that probably didn’t help.

  But the dyspraxia was a huge issue for me. I couldn’t play instruments like my brother or friends, because I didn’t have the motor skills; I couldn’t do sports because I would kick a football in 180 degrees from where I intended, and when you can’t kick a football your classmates hate you to an unreasonable degree, no doubt due to living in a football-oriented culture (which is probably worth another article all by itself) and you begin to hate sports; I couldn’t draw like my brother (like seriously, he can do everything I ever wanted to). I had no motivations, no goals and I never tried because I couldn’t do anything anyway.

This is going to be controversial but do you know what made things even worse? My parents were religious. Christian to be specific, but they go by “The Church of God” like literally every fucking religion so I can’t tell you exactly which denomination. They didn’t believe in hell so I was spared that trauma, and my parents always tried to be open about things like homosexuality (“we hate the act, not the people”) so all in all things could have been worse. But it was a small church with very few children and it wasn’t long before it was just me and this one boy. And it was so, so boring. There was literally nothing to keep a child entertained and we weren’t allowed to walk off. I ended up literally walking in circles around the edge of a room again and again and a-fucking-gain for hours. Thankfully I enjoyed walking but I think people started to realise there was a problem.

  I also wouldn’t get out of bed on Saturdays (because yes, the sabbath is actually on Saturday) and that definitely formed a weird habit. It’s pretty clear that I was depressed and so my parents eventually relented and let me stay at home. They were (and still are) convinced that I will return to the fold one day (I’m actually a hardcore atheist at this point). But that bad sleeping habit continued.

 So that’s the start. I was a kid with a technically undiagnosed learning disability that conditioned both my mind and my body, and that always sucks. I had people around me who were motivated and goal driven and worst of all, who were talented! And I struggled to do anything. Without goals, without motivation, and with a mother who was willing to do literally everything for me, I effectively did nothing. On top of that, I developed clear signs of depression that have since gotten worse, and worse over time.

  As I said though, things weren’t all bad. My parents loved me. None of us were particularly ill. I don’t know how many people I grew up with who had parents who had split and were uncaring. My hometown is full of people who have no desire to further themselves, who are happy to do nothing. I’m very lucky with my family.

Even if my brother is a snarky asshole.