#[joke. abt it being a coming out post. bc we don't do that here do we. idk]

[euclydya]

my gender is robot. my gender is wires. my gender is robot in a nonbinary way and girl in a robot way. my gender is girl in a queer way. My gender is, Dyke. My gender is masculine in the complete opposite direction of that, and I don't know what direction that is but I do know that it's Faggot. My gender OS is: Fucked Up. I'm a girl in a queer way [in a technology way]. I'm a boy in a dog way [in a virtual pet way]. My gender is, "Yes, And". My gender is, "No, But". My gender is: Probably not! My gender is the Eroticism Of The Machine. My gender is

[double--blind]

(SPOILERS) breaking down how obsessed Andrew is w/his sister bc he's a repressed lil liar and I'm going insane

This post got longer than I intended it to

1. He claims they don't spend enough time apart from each other to even begin missing her so he doesn't even know if he would, but just earlier in the game he was apart from her for probs like 30 mins tops to investigates some cultists and guess what???? He was already missing her 😒

2. Says "I thought you grew out of this touchy-feely crap" when Ashley asks for a hug, but earlier when he was cooking dinner, he was the one with the inexplicable urge to "pull this broody bitch into [his] arms and force her to stay until she smiles" 😒

3. Piggy-backing off the last screenshot: WHAT OTHER THOUGHTS, ANDREW??? yOU WERE JUST THINKING ABT HUGGING HER. WHAT DO YOU EVEN MEAN. THESE ARE SIMPLY INNOCENT BROTHERLY THOUGHTS ARE THEY NOT????? 🤨🤨🤨

4. Bro just can't keep his hands off her. And everyone thinks Ashley's the clingy one jeez (lol the way he springs apart from her when Mom catches them is definitely definitelyyyy not worth analyzing. nope. not even when it happens a second time on the couch. nope. nooope)

5. What. What is he thinking here. Don't think I don't see those grey lil blush lines. Is this connected to my third point somehow bc like... 🤨😬 Is "Andrew" is gonna start doing and being what "Andy" was too spineless and afraid of doing?? That's what the vow was partly abt right?? Does that include—

5. WHEWWW BOY that little flashback with his gf has so much baggage in it I just wanna dissect. His girlfriend's tryna have a serious discussion with him abt his weird sister for the sake of bettering their relationship bc she genuinely loves him, but he just gets caught up in fondly talking abt said weird sister instead??

6. He's awfully hesitant abt Ashley learning some independence, bc y'know what?? I think he doesn't really want her to stop relying on him. But what do I know y'know

6. Wants his gf to put tie her hair up in a ponytail, then when she refuses bc he'll pull on it, says it's just "how boys express their love". Well. You know who else puts there hair up in a ponytail??? You know who else's hair he's always pulling on and touching???

7. The voicemails in his gf's phone left by Ashley are heard by him in his dreams, and his dreams are a construction of his mind utilizing his memories, personal hangups, and knowledge of Ashley. The voicemails irl were left on his gf's phone, and for all we know, he never actually listened to them in person. Bearing this in mind... odds are the things Ashley's saying contain bits of truths he believes within himself, filtered thru her crude, hateful dialogue.

Here. I transcribed one of them...

"DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!? Just because you can fuck him and I can't? You think that's love?! Are you fucking delusional?? Cumdumpsters like you are just that. He will never love you. Not like he loves me. I am the only one. I am everything. I am the secrets you'll never hear. When he lies in bed at night, and when he needs someone to hold on to… It's not you he seeks out. It is me."

8. Claims Ashley's the one with the jealous streak, not him, but I think he's just as bad. The only difference is that Ashley's never given him reason to act on it since all she's ever wanted was him, but at the slightest mention of her gettin it on w/someone else, even as a joke, he gets mad. "OVER MY DEAD BODY!!" he says, when she's jokingly contemplating getting knocked up via the neighbor so an ambulance would come for her. "I wouldn't let them," he says, when she's complaining abt not being pretty enough for the wardens to bang her

9. Going hand-in-hand with that fact, he's intensely protective of her. Didn't hesitate to cleaver the warden who found her in the closet (probs didn't even BLINK lmaooo he chose VIOLENCE), and when the cake-stealing cultist insulted her just once, he stepped forward just like that

10. In their apt, when they were lying on the floor talking abt jumping off the balcony, he was really caught up in the "romantic" fantasy of them committing a double suicide and dying with their bodies entwined so irreparably by the impact they form one unified corpse "never to be separated!" and they get buried in the same coffin together. UM??? Bro fr thought he was the sane one of the two. That wasn't even true before the cannibalism and demon summoning 😭😭😭

BONUS:

11. This might just be me, but his reaction to seeing the post-sex vision doesn't strike me as someone who's inherently opposed to the idea. Instead of disgusted, he was... flustered?? He acted like she walked in mid-guilty pleasure wet dream. This wasn't a "GROSS THATS INCEST" reaction which is... the most normal reaction to have. That's the face of a man that got CAUGHT bro.

He asks "we're not like that, are we?" and "why are you like this?" and questions the veracity of the vision, but he never actually explicitly denies wanting the vision to happen, more focused on Ashley and her reaction. He buries the elephant under the rug as fast as he can, bc yeah, it struck a landmine, but it probably wasn't a landmine for the reason Ashley thinks it is. I bet the vision just hit a little too close... :P

[youlooklikeasixtiesqueen]

here are all my thoughts and notes from purcon!! not formatted for tumblr but readable!!!

Day 1:

Opening:

everyone was so happy to be there, and so shocked how many people were there!!! 2500!!!

they showed vids before bringing everyone on stage and continued that throughout the panels. it's a cute touch

Misha auto:

he smiled and i got shaky knees and giggled like a 12 year old with a crush

jensen was at the table next to him!!

very quick but there was a huge line

he signed my book!!

i said "hi misha" and he said hi back

he looked at my destiel shirt and smiled :)

Ty & DJ:

started by telling us thank you for the congrats on their engagement

you can see how much they love each other!!! no pda but the way they look at each other!!

plus they both said multiple times that meeting each other was the best thing that happened

dj has been obsessed with eastenders since the 90s, never missed an episode

ty told everyone not to smoke cigarettes

dj had a glass of wine (it was 1pm)

left 5 mins early to get the Darius auto

Meeting Darius:

so nice and kind!! gentle vibes, literally what you would expect from misha's best friend

i was 2nd in line out of four people

four people in the autograph group so he talked to us all for about 15 minutes as a group

he signed his name on the picture, then asked if misha was going to sign it as well. i said no so he asked if he could sign misha's name for him and we all laughed and i said yes and it literally looks like misha wrote it

he told us him and misha have a competition to see who can bring the other person to a bigger event - darius took misha to the oscars, misha took darius to meet zelensky, but now darius got invited to meet the pope!!

talked to us a bit about filmmaking and how the picture aspect is basically the same throughout film history, but sound changes every week

it took 26 weeks in post for the sound of metal to get the sound right

he's friends with emilia clarke??? and said that she was so upset over the got ending because so many babies have her character's name

he felt the spn ending was rushed

sooooo handsome in person and the nicest voice

darius is getting austrian citizenship bc his grandma was from austria but she had to flee

Mark:

only saw the last bit but he was of course wandering the crowd

talked a lot about mental health and how we're not alone

said the best place to have a panic attack is a spn convention

Sachin & Osric:

fun!! not that interesting but fun!!

sachin just learned about destiel. like minutes before the panel started

talked about being poc in the industry and how much better it has gotten

Jared:

it was fine but again not interesting

talked about pranks

talked about maybe being on the boys

talked about mental health

Misha & Jensen:

an hour late bc they made jensen do photos :(

they played the confession right before they walked on stage???

question queue was very long, they took about five or six not so great questions

someone asked what their fave gym equipment is (wtf) and misha said it's the towel to slap others on the butt with

but they were very fun!!

some people decided to tell a sob story at the mic which wasted time. like they know you love supernatural, they know you're nervous, you don't need to tell them.

they joked around a lot

three touches!! fingers, high five, hug!!!

you can just see how much they adore each other

darius was sitting on the steps but they wouldn't give him a microphone :( hopefully he'll come out at misha's panel tomorrow

Day 2:

Jared & Jensen VIP:

question abt Radio Company coming to Germany

Jensen says they're discussing it, his fave songs are Quarter To and City Grown Willow

Mario Kart characters - Jared Yoshi because he poops eggs, Jensen Blue Shell guy??, his 7yo plays Rosalina, JJ can beat him in Mario Kart now

Jared is 25% German (maternal grandpa)

Jensen wants to turn his next Purcon visit into a vacation

one person is talking so slowwwww

Jensen would want to reshoot Bugs without the bees

They had to do a bee allergy test where someone actually picked up a bee with tweezers and made it sting them

3 part question 🙄 with backstory 🙄 about their kids and if they can grow up normal and if they have a strategy if their kids read fanfic

Jensen played baseball in HS

His first school play was a musical

Mark:

thanked us for letting them do the panels in english without a translator

Crowley was more excited to spend time with Dean instead of being in Hell

Mark went upstairs and helped a fan who had a bad photo with Jared

Got a standing ovation

Ty & DJ:

DJ used anti wrinkle creme on his balls but he stopped when his doctor said it would make him infertile

Ty told us to listen to a 23yo Canandian who sounds like Johnny Cash (Colter Wall??? maybe??)

Ty listens to a lot of country, DJ doesn't really have strong feelings about music

DJ adopted a dog who pissed on his belongings for 10 years - he was supposed to live until about 2 bc of health problems

DJ says to watch the movie Overboard

several questions were asked yesterday

DJ, Ty, and Ty's daughters have matching tattoos (they got them drunk) it's a little skull

Sachin & Osric:

Osric is Timon, Sachin is Pumba

Misha:

couldn't do notes bc i was in line!! wasn't picked tho, because everyone rushed to the microphone before the last panel was over

one person spent five minutes monologuing

misha said people should ask him questions on their knees

Bishagate reference!! He asked a girl if she was coming out as an alien and she said "that's rich coming from you", Darius laughed so much (while he was still on the stairs)

Compared whipped cream to cum

Darius was on stage!!

Jared:

greeted us with Guten Abend, Guten Tag, and howdy y'all

said it's not a goodbye to spn, it's a see you later

said swan song was easier than sacrifice bc he was lucifer for swan song so he had to act... reminder: that's his job...

first question was not a question

second question was a prank question

trivializing the thing where jared put coins in misha's car!!! wtf

praising mark p ew

woman keeps talking about her alarm sound which is german dean

called out a woman's shirt that says "save an impala, ride a winchester"

looks like jared will be on the boys, he basically confirmed it

he likes mountains more than beaches

says they might do a beach episode in the future

talking about the finale and the dean death scene

wants to bring jdm to the next con

Jensen:

GIANT line to ask a question

first woman named her kid Dean Jensen

hates toy slime bc it's all over his house

danneel moves a creepy doll around the house to mess with jensen

question abt cas in the winchesters and cas returning!! how to address the confession!! jensen thinks the confession was a long time coming and beautiful and raw and real!! dean understands cas loved him!! said cas saying he loves dean was clear text (rather than subtext) said cas and jensen found each other and when they meet again cas' feelings are just understood

says demon dean is stronger than soldier boy bc demon dean has no soul

boys question - jensen talks about herogasm, jack quaid just told jensen good luck when he went on set, nobody on set knew what was lube and what was hand sanitizer, he was unprepared to see so many naked people, he was standing next to a guy when the robes came off and he "had to do the glance", couldn't help looking at people having sex "there's four people here in a position i've never seen before"

woman crying while asking a question

woman said dj said he wanted to exchange his husband for jensen, and jensen said he doubts it because ty is pretty great

woman telling bad jokes, one about how women having orgasms is like a snowstorm because you can't see it coming?? not true for either i think

jensen needs to do more solo panels. i could listen to him talk for hours

i can't believe i was in the same room as this man wtf

[b4kuch1n]

hi it's me. bulletpoints

job has concluded! barring sudden expansion on the project I think that's gonna be it for my work here. six character cards in total! this leads to

wrists are bit fucked. I'll be putting that thang (creen tablet) in da closet again for at least a month while trying to hold as few heavy objects as possible for the time being

why one month deadline? well it's bc I made an artfight account. I'm fucking doing it this year on god I'll kick anyone's ass I'll kick my own ass. I'll post a link to my acc a week or so before the event starts, meanwhile I'll keep updating my roster and cleaning up this cardboard box I arrived at their door in. do u guys have a spare pair of suspenders I have a really funny joke to make

will be doing it on the creen tablet, unless I make enough to get a new graphic tablet that works with SAI2 inbetween. on that note

ink comms should come back sometimes next week babeyy I need to get back into da groove! miss my G pen it feels like I was close to something last time. I wanna get back to it. but also

I'm writing a fic now. tis the season it seems this happened last year too. but I'll try my best to not disappear off the face of the earth for 3 months running again lol I'll do my best to pace myself, since this is gonna be one of the heftier writing things.

sk8 people and another very specific subset of people will be pleased to know it's a sk8 Real Steel AU. if this means nothing to u carry on. have a good day. to the five people still here I'll probably be brainposting abt writing this so don't be surprised if that comes up here and there

circling back a bit I'm currently 120 USD away from the graphic tablet I wanna get, so that'll be what the ink comms are going toward. otherwise if u enjoy my art and have a spare doller to buy the baku a coffee I'd absolutely appreciate ur support! not mandatory but I'll definitely be very thankful! especially bc

I'll probably phase out the redbubble store some time in the future. at the very least I'll probably stop uploading new things on there while looking for alternative. ohh baby they are doing some wild shit and I want off the ride please. please

but yeah. that's the current plan for things. I've accepted that comics happen when they want to, and I have faith they still want to see the sunlight some time this year. meanwhile we keep busy keep training keep recovering! thank u for ur patience. have a good night take this sharp object

[noahtally-famous]

td 2023 s2 ep1 spoilers below the cut

(okay so I have not finished s1 but I know the general gist of what happens through mutuals posts and just the td tag lmaoo. maybe later I will actually sit down and watch the whole thing, but that time is not now.)

moving onto my thoughts of s2...

AHHHHHHHH idk how else to explain it but I absolutely LOVED the episode, and honestly I have a feeling I'll love this season, simply bc everyone is so great!!

heck even ripper and chase were tolerable, like, there weren't any fart jokes or anything, it was great!

MKULIA SWEEP???? HELL FREAKING YEAH idc if it's a friendship/alliance, I'm living in my world where they're toxic yuri

Caleb getting some much-needed character development??? I'm SO here for it, and the stuff mentioned during the episode def fits the kinda vibe I have going for him, so that's even better!! (potential caleb & emma friendship??? they can bond over kittens and of caleb being emotionally mature)

also his reactions to the team choosing was gold, I can't wait to see what A-Game he's gonna bring. I'm hoping he doesn't become a version of justin--I just want him to want to be a useful teammate and person for his team/friends/competitors and want to win as well. no overly crazy 'tda justin' villanry pls?? (I mean, I won't be averse to it if it does end up happening, but it'd be cool if things changed up this time around)

CHEMMA BROKE UP THANK FRICKING GOD, our prayers have been answered!! please please PLEASE have them stay broken up

raj & wayne on the same team again!! I was not expecting that tbh, but I'm curious to see where this goes

rajbow is so adorable, like bowie not even letting chris finish before he immediately picks raj first for his team is so 🥹

ngl chase is still a dumbass but now that chemma is out of the way, I mean it affectionately, I can't bring myself to hate any of the characters and that trend isn't going to stop here. that moment when he ran at granny hatchet and bowie was like "I don't believe it, I think he's gonna make it" like that scene was insane

damien is amazing as always, no words need to be said. manifesting a final two involving him

NICHELLE. FUCKING NICHELLE. GOD I CANNOT ARTICULATE HOW MUCH I ADORE HER HERE!! saving the best for last goddammit, I love her so so so so much, omfg the way she slayed the challenge, pls I'm so hyped for her character development this season, I can't wait for the other contestants to eat their words abt her

axel trying to 'be nice' ("i'm a work in progress" yes you are but you're doing amazing) but acting like an ass to ripper is something I live for. "I'm not following you, we're running in the same direction!" LMAOOOO

the fact that priya doesn't hold any resentment toward her parents still irks me, but I still love her character and I'm excited to see what's in store for her

GRANNY HATCHET SLAYED, 'NUFF SAID

I'm still hoping for some axelle content, but I'm more than happy with the mkulia servings we got

I'm lowkey interested in scary girl's change of character. I feel like this wont be the last we see of her--will she be like an amy and swim back to the island to enact revenge? or will she be like ezekiel and live on the island in secret? or will she be a secret third thing? I sure as heck don't know but I can't wait to find out!! her parting words def seem ominous enough to imply something

speaking of, scary girl's change of character and when she talked abt how she became "normal" everyone's reactions were sending me lmaooo

bowie going "you're never right" to chase but is the one to choose chase on his team, like yes dude frrr that frenemy whiplash was wack lmaoo I love it

same with bowie choosing julia, like yes we love to see two manipulative competitive strategists banding together

on a different note, I wonder what will come of bowie and emma's friendship from s1 and how that broke apart. maybe they could rekindle it in s2? hmmm

zee and their suitcase of sodas 😭

"she's an animal" OKAY MK TONE IT DOWN (pls don't, actually pls continue doing it) YOU'RE NOT HELPING MY MKULIA CASE HERE

millie being priya's first pick >>>

"what strategy? you just stop and run, it's not rocket surgery" 😭 I used to dislike ripper, but if he continues on like this, that opinion will def change. it's only been the first episode and I already don't dislike him anymore so-

MORE MKULIA P L E A S E IM HOPING

chris is still 'tdi chris' aka the b e s t chris imo, and I'm here for it!! also chef and chris's dynamic is still spot-on

in conclusion, im so very excited for what this season will bring!! in case you didn't realize, I LOVED the first episode!

[xplrvibes]

wait snc are back in the usa? weren’t they staying here for a month? that was like two weeks.. I must’ve read something wrong 😂

I kinda hope they post a “australia trip dump” photos on instagram in the next few days bc they hardly posted at all while they were here…

oh well. at least we have some cool aussie videos to look forward to :)

also i dont have xplr club but ive seen some other fans enraged at something abt their live… i know you can’t talk abt fight xplr club so i won’t ask but damn… snc can’t do anything right lately it seems lol

- aussie anon

i can unfollow them on instagram now lol

They got back on Monday, and are currently in LA.

I don't know if they cut their trip short for some reason (could it be they were sick of being stalked? Or did they change their flight out of LA to after the Superbowl?) or they exaggerated when they told everyone they'd be there for at least three weeks, but yea....they're back.

I will be honest with you...I have no idea what could've pissed anyone off about that live. Aside from them outlining some of the potential collabs they have coming up this year, asking for suggestions on who they should reach out to, and just joking around with the chat, they really did not say anything of substance. I don't think any of the upcoming collabs were controversial- in fact, they will all make everyone happy (or as happy as people in the snc fandom ever get, at any rate).

So yea, idk. If I had to guess, I think the Aussie side is mad they left Australia, and the American side is mad they are back in LA and around these evil, evil girls who are just corrupting them so badly 🤣.

[1eos]

Some bitch on here made a post the other day about how the way lesbians "center their sexuality on hating men instead of loving women" AKA Lesbians making jokes about men like "men dumb" is terf rethoric and like, if you see a lesbian or any woman make a post about hating men and your immediate response is to call it terfy without any kind of proof the person is a radfem then your are the transmisogynist, also you know they actually don't care about trans women when they say hating men is terf rethoric because when they see actual terfs hate on "men" they absolutely believe these terfs are hating on men when the reality is that when a terf talks about "men" they mean trans women but somehow people can't accept this fact and instead center non trans women when it comes to it, I think the dumbest one is when people think that a terf going "i hate men" is about trans men when it's literally a fact that terfs see trans men as tools to harm trans women first and as victims of said trans women second, is disgusting how people are unable to center trans women even when talking about a movement that is all about hating them and wanting them dead

its truly so insidious. like we don't have to guesstimate on what's terf rhetoric we know what it fucking is. its clear that when terfs say men they aren't fucking talking abt men!!!!!! like any time i do a terf blocking spree they are obsessed w ugly white men they do not hate men they hate trans women like that is quite literally the only connecting ideology. the ONLY ONE. and lesbians being seen as the only demographic that's transmisogynistic is insane like transmisogyny is a problem in every goddamn community but as usual bc lesbians don't want men in a romantic/sexual capacity then they must be punished. but i can get over that what i can't get over is ppl trying to champion themselves as pro trans women while actively speaking over them (there are SO many resources and posts and personal testimonies from trans women abt how transmisogyny is being presented in this day and time like there is NO EXCUSE currently) AND doing it in defense of the demographic most likely to abuse and MURDER them. abuse and murder all women!!!!!! like none of this makes sense! and it would be one thing if ppl were trying to talk abt how all gender identities can perpetrate transmisogyny but no its literally 'dont shit on men 🥺 not committing femicide hurts them too 🥺🥺🥺 its the evil man hating lesbians that are the problem! and im not gonna ever actually advocate for trans women 🥰just gonna use them as a gotcha!' i need code lyoko to be real so i can hop into the computer and knock ppls teeth out

[forsakenmissives]

I know nothing about football but I'd still like to hear about the au :3

see bc i complain and then i don't even know where to start LOL

ok so ig i'll start with the title From the Sidelines and a little description i have, to pique interest heh

Arthur is Camelot FC's star striker and captain. Merlin is the kitman. Life is hardly ever fair.

anyway . i suppose that's. a little misleading. that being said i think this grew into something waaaaay larger than i originally planned @.@ like it was supposed to be a fun little addition to the surprisingly small amt of footballer arthur fics we have but now this fic has double daddy issues (balinor my beloved...), coming out, sports injuries, shitty coaches (aredick die by my sword) and never making the national team. HUH??? i just wanted merthur to fuck on the pitch... (joke) (just in time for fuck him on the field friday)

also there's side stories. like one is when the players get handcuffed tgt for 24hrs but they've got an uneven amt for it and merlin gets roped in

and then there's the valentine's day arwen special that i somehow accidentally made into a statement about arthur's attitude toward his sexuality?? and feelings for merlin??? through his anxiety about his date with gwen????

“All good?” Merlin asks. “Never better,” Arthur replies, then pivots and walks directly into his closet. He stares at his barren shoe rack before he feels hands on his shoulders, and Merlin is turning him around and guiding him back out. “Wrong way,” he hears him say. “Right.” This time, Arthur marches out his room then down the hall to the front door. “I’ll be back.”

i'm allowed to give this info bc i don't know if i'll ever actually post the extras. i dont' even know when i'm gonna finish the main story sjkdfhgjkf

oh yeah another side story takes place in 2007 (that might be the title for it idk) and it's about uther buying camelot fc for arthur's tenth birthday LOL dont question the legaltiy of arthur playing for his father's club. i dont know and i dont care. this is fiction SIMILARLY dont say shit abt arthur being a striker and captain. it's happened before. it's literally fine. dont even worry about it

there's like. ik i rly only talked about the side stories but u have to realize just how much has already gone into this fic and i wouldn't even say i'm halfway done. i don't think i've written out a single match which is also funny bc i've been keeping up with the prem and actually think i can do it now. i just keep dragging my feet abt it lol

i think the hardest part for me is when im gonna have to seriously injure arthur. i didnt want to but i think it's an important way for his and merlin's relationship to progress and also would explain merlin's attitude toward him in january. its less abt injuring him and more abt him having to sit out of games not for like. lineup stats/compatibility reasons

oh my god typing this all out made me realize we haven't met like. half of the guys on the team yet. i was sitting here like "i need to rewatch eps with all the knights bc i dont trust myself to write percy and elyan accurately" but now i just realized i dont even know if mordred is on the like. squad yet or if he's still with the u18s (after a brief check with my info page he is. i'm gonna be sick)

like i said there is a LOT of info on this . sorry this was so long i just needed to ramble a bit and it also made me realize some info i still need to include so yayyy :3 thank you nonny if u have anything u wanna know in specific like fr anything PLEASE ask. i'd love it so much if u asked. u saved my life <3

[yuukei-yikes]

Ok after your whole “shintaro misogyny” “shinaya?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??????!,!,?,?,?,?,?,,,” rant (loved btw, Jin stop making ur female characters rely on male counterparts, stop making your male characters hate women or believe they are incapable challenge), how do you feel about Kanoshin. I know you have talked about it before but like, idk, talk about it again lol.

Kano “I can fix him” Shuuya? Or Kano “I can make him worse” Shuuya.

JQKEOEKDWODIEID MY WHOLE "SHINTARO MISOGYNY" AND "SHINAYA?!?!?!?!?" thats so funny i didnt MEAN for it to be a rant. i was just venting 💔 BUT THANK U FOR LOVING IT BC I FUCKING LOVE TALKING ABOUT THAT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY BOTTLED UP FEELINGS.

man. kanoshin. i dont think they're an i can fix him or i can make him worse duo. i dont think they are together FOR each other, they're together for their personal gratification if that makes sense??? at least that's how it starts. like they rly feed off of each other's worst coping mechanisms and validate themselves thru that. but through doing this obviously cant help to get to know each other and shintaro is pathetically laughing at kano's jokes and kano is pathetically kicking his feet and twirling his hair at shintaro groaning pathetically on the ground abt god knows what (NEVER forget this novel 7 moment)

also its so funny how often in the novels shintaro just physically throws himself on the ground to start moaning and groaning whenever he gets embarrassed. he's such a fucking freak. like who the fuck does that

shintaro and kano in the seventh novel are so insanely gay it's SO fucking good. THE BIT WHERE SHINTARO SMILES AT KANO AND KANO'S LIKE HUH...THAT'S HOW HE USED TO SMILE AT AYANO... HE ALWAYS HAD THIS SPECIAL SMILE FOR HER, AND NOW HE'S SMILING JUST LIKE THAT TO ME... like GIRLLLL *EXPLODES THEM WITH MY MIND* there is seriously no heterosexual explanation for any of that. god the seventh novel is so so so good. all of them are so good i wonder why it's the least consumed kagepro media they're SUPERIOR. the novels my #1 forever i fucking love them.

anyways. im normal erm kanoshin hehehehehehehhehe i think they're both far too terrified and disgusted abt their feelings for each other to consider stuff like "i can fix him" or "i can make him worse" YOU GET WHAT IM SAYING??? on this subject specifically, shintaros self hatred comes from well everything bitch hates himself but if we're talking abt kanoshin. 1. its ayanos brother. even if we dont even look at shinaya ever being romantically involved in the first place, THIS IS WEIRD TO HIM. 2. internalized homophobia arc☝️☝️☝️🙏🙏🙏👍👍👍👍💯💯💯

the fic i drew fanart of a couple days ago is SO *EATS IT EATS IT EATS IT* or also a soulmate au that i havent read in aaaages and also never finished but in that one shintaro was already out as bi... sadly both are aus WHICH DOESNT make them bad, aus are awesome but the things I'd do for content like that set post str. please. *bite bite bite bite bite* srry i bring these fics up cuz hehehe internalized homophobia shintaro is so good

maybe kano would eventually set for i can make him worse but it's in an attempt of scaring shintaro away. he's like im gonna self sabotage so much to make sure he stays away from me but shintaro is STILL here looking pathetic and kano's like god DAMMIT. erm. yeah.

btw now for me being crazy (tw me using shintaro as a stress toy to make me laugh): i think post str shintaro is not AS BAD with being absolutely fucking insufferable abt his whole guys rule girls drool thing because my man's had a little time to grow (ignores shinaya chapter in the eighth novel so i don't go insane with anger). i think post str shintaro makes 1 sexist comment and the entire mekakushi dan just fucking freeze for a moment. and give him an intervention and force him to say im sorry women and ever since then is more mindful of his actions. sorry i have to be delusional and believe this or else I'd just fucking hate his ass. im sorry shinaya i love you but *burns novel 8 shinaya chapter*

shintaro's messy relationships post str is my favorite stress toy btw. relationship with ayano crumbles. starts WHATEVER THAT IS with kano. in the self hatred confusion and internalized homophobia and etc the situation causes him (situation being gf dumped me bc im selfish so i hate myself / i kissed a boy a couple times so i hate myself) he desperately turns to the next closest Female(?) Counterpart with the following thought process "Pfff well i am so straight and SO capable of holding a normal relationship and i can PROVE IT there is one person who is 1. girl enough 2. apparently okay with me being a selfish asshole and consuming all their energy with my bullshit". so the solution is obvious to shintaro. just date takane.

turns out hitting on your best friend who also happens to be ur other best friend's gf is not good for either one of these relationships. so his friendship with not only takane but also haruka crumbles too in response and its so awkward. takane bc 1. i dont feel this way abt you and I'd treat the situation sensibly if i didnt know you well enough to know you dont actually like me that way and ur just taking me for granted like youve been doing all this time which WAS pissing me off and on its way to eventually explode but THIS....??? and haruka 2. YOU JUST HIT ON MY GIRLFRIEND?? (shintaro would be like maaan why did you tell haruka. and harutaka are like *slam door on his face*) situation drives shintaro to possibly end up kissing kano again. 🤨

its so hilarious. to me at least. ITS FINE he will get over it and makeup with everyone but i like making him suffer 👍 this is what you get shintaro. What do you have to say to the women in the world. apologize. say im sorry women. say it. say it and I'll leave you alone. sorry i went a little crazy in the end

[alexturne]

some fans don’t like alex’s current girlfriend not bc she’s his gf, but bc she’s problematic as fuck. she’s racist, homophobic and made jokes about rap3, not to even mention the fact that she was obsessed (in a terrible way) with alex waaaay before they started dating. there’s also a rumour that she said some bad things abt miles and spread lies abt him and his personal life, and that’s why miles didn’t, or still don’t, like her, even though miles’ gf hangs out with her, we don’t know if miles and her are really friends; ppl say he and alex fought bc of her but that’s just a rumor, others say miles just acts friendly w her bc of alex. it’s not cause she’s his girlfriend, she’s just not the good person she seems to be.

No no, don't get me wrong, I am very well aware of all of this.

Most people have their reasons why they dislike her, and many of them are very good and valid reasons. People can make up their own minds and decide for themselves based on the facts at hand. And they can do so without sending hateful messages to her, I might add.

I'm not a fan of hers, and that means I can simply ignore her, as she has next to zero influence on my life. It's quite easy. I'm under no obligation to either love or hate her. It's Alex choice, and it's of no importance to him if I like her or not.

I'm here for him and his music, not her. I didn't choose her and I don't feel like spending energy on their relationship, so I can simply just not do that.

But! In my post I wasn't even speaking about her in particular.

My point was to say that sometimes Alex's girlfriends get hate simply because they're with him. For that reason alone, regardless of who they are as people.

I was speaking in more general terms, all of his past girlfriends included, and how some people seem hellbent on hating them and sending them hateful messages simply because they exist and walk next to him. For that sole reason. Without knowing any of the stuff you mentioned, without doing any research of their own on their character, and coming to their own conclusions.

I'm not saying that she is a good person, nor that people should worship the ground she walks on (which I don't see the point in doing at all, Alex won't love you for that either). We aren't forced to like her, just because he has chosen to be with her.

I am simply stating that the people who are in Alex's vicinity (girlfriends and Miles included) get unnecessary hate simply for being close to him. Regardless of who they are as people, and that doesn't seem right to me.

[gl00mxstar]

I think I'm getting better now

I don't feel like shit this much right after waking up and when I do sometimes it goes away on it's own a bit quicker

my 'seemingly out of nowhere or from stress and physical activity pains' are less painful that what they used to be in the past few years and even tho I still can't do that much it's way better than I thought I could get

since I both dropped out of high school (and apprenticeship too) and it was literally too late to do anything bc it was almost end of school year I'm not 'obliged' to see people or go to place where stress anxiety and fatigue eat me alive

with 3 above comes better sleep too I can go to sleep and wake up whenever I want without a worry so it helped a lot too I also can sleep less and feel better (I realize how ridicilous it sounds but I always felt like shit when sleeping '8h like a normal person' but when I slept for only few hours I felt really good energetic and refreshed)

I'm more energetic and feel actual motivation to do stuff get better and rather than 'I wanna have bare minimum of living conditions to survive and not go insane' it's 'I wanna make my life better to actually live and enjoy it'

I've managed to take better care of my emotions and even open up more to 'right people' and not bottle them up or turn them into just self depricating jokes like I always did I even vented 2 times (first time 5h and second around 3/3,5h I swear I would have never thought I'll ever do it and for such a long time too I know I def wouldn't manage to when I was younger) also treating tumblr as my personal diary and venting helped too I don't really care if haters or someone I know irl sees my posts if they see this and are gonna have a problem with that it means we just never meant to be friends honestly it's better this way since from that I'm gonna have an easy way of getting to know this

for the one above thank you friends I've made in the past few years also to dca fandom and furry community ya'll have one of the most welcoming people there it's hard to feel uncomfortable and bottle up the emotions around you don't change ever 🫶 (ig it's easy to see someone's struggling when you have first hand experience sobs /hj)

after years of struggling to understand 'what is wrong with me' in everyday life and school I realized I have autism and adhd (thank you reddit tons of articles online and friends with autism 🤝) unfortunately the healthcare sucks where I live especially the mental so I can get a proper diagnosis but I'm 100% sure it's that and knowing what is 'wrong' with me takes away a lot of weight off my shoulders and I finally don't feel bad abt having stuff like sensory issues and problems with understanding certain social norms etc

I learned to go out to buy groceries without being on the brink of a panic attack again so now it's the same as it was when I was younger while I don't like doing it at least I can actually go and buy something

I can now bake again without being reminded of the time I was stuck as an apprentice in horrible work environment were even faint smell of dough or vanilla sugar outside of the workplace were enough to be triggering

I'm finally getting back my 'bad mouth and attitude' as others liked to say when I disagreed with something when they thought they were the smartest person in the room while being wrong so I can now say what I really think and not cry while literally just defending myself and my personal opinions so again going back to how I was when I was younger

I'm a bit less worried abt my cats since the vet clinic was opened in my village (the one where there are actual ppl working here and not just pretending I still don't get it how they were making any money since they weren't open most of the time) and even though I still don't have money for the vet at the very least once I get enough I'll have it close to get them to one

I have way less suicidal thoughts now I hope one day I can get it to 0 or at the very least to 'random thought of remembering the bad past'

I'm trying to speak english outloud to try and learn the right pronunciation (I know what the word is supposed to sound like but I have problems with speaking even in my native language) also I'll try to make phone calls and leave voice messages once I feel more brave to do so I also have in plans trying to read some fics or books to get both my spoken english and reading skills better at the same time since I'm terrible at reading outloud too

I managed to switch from traditional art to digital decently quickly imo and now that I even draw a lot faster than I used to the thought of actually making a living from art seems way less insane now

I've made few good friends both irl and online that I have common interests with and that I'm vibing with hopefully once the weather gets less intense and my health get better and I'll have some money to go out we'll meet

I have one of them keep asking me to go out she's so sweet 😭💕

[ruralbi]

Ok so lots happened. I've been breaking up with my boy best friend. I told him we ain't having sex no more, gave in twice (asked him to sleep in my bed) and he rejected me twice. Great life. I do choose to believe that he's just respecting my wishes in rejecting me, and not just bein like nah don't feel like it.

It's been a hell of a rollercoaster. But that's just attempt number 1834749 of trying to not fuck him.

What, do u ask, really prompted this post.

This bitch is out there partying with his bros. All good. He texts me "yo wassup" EXACT QUOTE.

I call him all what u want. He says don't call me unless it's an emergency. BITCH YOU TEXTED ME.

Clearly all his douchebag friends got on his case abt him picking up the phone to answer to his house faggot cause a bit later he texted me "can me and my best bro come sleep at yours" and I'm like sure :) CAUSE IM A FUCKIN IDIOT. And I say something like I'll even take a break from my puzzle to come say hi! (Bc I'm secretly the biggest dork)

And he's like oh my best bro (name redacted) wants more than just a break!

And I'm like that sounds kinda sketchy but I'm sure im just being paranoid. So I say whatever come over if u want. He's like send a message to convince him to come over. And i say sorry sir, if he doesn't wanna come over u shouldnt pressure him! Leave the poor man alone to sleep at his house rather than drag him all over the county to drink!

He says nah he wants to come over he just needs motivation. So I, like the absolute clown that I am, send something along the lines of well we got wine and vodka and a fireplace if you boys wanna light it.

Looking back I wanna brain myself. He really says jump I say how high. And he has the gall to text back "yeah but can we sleep with you?"

Bitch YOU'RE not even supposed to sleep in my bed anymore, what makes u think I suddenly a) wanna suck your dick again b) suck your mangy friends' dick on top of it

I can't believe after 4 years of being treated like an absolute sex toy he's finally thought you know what maybe I should share this with the boys.

I'm over here crying my lost love bc I finally accepted that our relationship isn't healthy. Hes not in love with me, I am, we have to stop having sex all the time so I can move on. But i thought well it's not a crime to not b in love with me. He don't deserve to lose his house and living over it. We'll just keep living together all normal, as two friends, the way we should've from the start. It hurts to see him but it ain't his fault and I need to tough it up.

AND HE GOES AND JOKES WITH HIS PALS ABOUT SHARING ME. Bc it's not even like oh I was joking calm down. When I immediately stop answering, first he texted "plz" !!!!!!! AND THEN

"sorry I'm friends with assholes" like oh the good ole trick sorry my friends took my phone !!? So I said oh yeah real easy to blame your friends!!! Stay at your best friend's flat three more days while ur at it. By then I'm livid.

Like okay so for four years ya didn't want to admit ur fucking me publicly but when ur bro wants my ass suddenly you're teaming up???? What an absolute jackass. And then he says "sorry I let myself be influenced"

Meaning he was getting egged on by all his disgusting bros and sharing the messages and making a public mockery of me. Like oh we heard that was an easy peace of ass think he'll take both you and me? He's surely been begging for ur dick for long enough. :( I can just see it I'm crying my eyes out I'm so humiliated.

He swears it's not what happened and he'll explain tomorrow but I don't really care. He's taken me for a joke long enough. I may b a joke but hes officially off the comedy roster. I'll ask him to move the fuck out and not show his goddamn face for a long while. Fuck this dude

[troglobite]

alksdjflkdsj

https:// twitter.com/chescaleigh/status/1704457124959637787

Thoughts re: that tweet and this whole topic and exchange, but i'm really fucking tired and need to sleep so i can't be coherent so i'm not joining the convo on there

chesca is a black woman and that 100% has something to do with this. people CONSTANTLY ask marginalized folks incredibly stupid, easy to search, simple, basicass questions and DEMAND that they spend their time and energy holding their hand and answering them thoroughly and catering to their millions of potentially bad-faith questions

so telling her that it's a normal wonderful human socialization i'm like stfu what are you even talking about

this is a manifestation of an already extant behavior that was learned because of social stratification and prejudice

it doesn't exist in a vacuum and it's ridiculous to act as though it does

ALSO

there's a difference btwn

'this is a really interesting topic! is there somewhere specific that i should start looking for more info abt it?'

and

'what is this book abt? does it cover x? where can i get it? does it have an audiobook?'

the first question recognizes a broader category of something that might be more complicated and nuanced and implies that you trust the person's insight--or the fellow commenters' insight--and so you're seeking guidance to start looking yourself, bc you want to make sure you're reading reputable stuff to begin with. important and cool, esp in this day and age w everything being completely fucked over by "ai"

chesca gives an example here too https:// twitter.com/chescaleigh/status/1704453512871264448

the second question is purely entitle to that person's time and energy and a lack of curiosity abt your own fucking ability to look shit up yourself

for example, a comedian who--on EVERY platform they have, on EVERY post they make--says "here are my current tour dates. to find out when i'm in your city, sign up for my text and/or email list"

and people comment "when are you coming to my city?"

MAYBE READ THE FUCKING TEN DOZEN CAPTIONS THAT FUCKING TOLD YOU WHERE YOU FIND THIS FUCKING INFORMATION YOU ENTITLED DIPSHIT

and also https:// twitter.com/JennyWHOA/status/1704348165426622465 this reply to franchesca

like ??? you have a world of information at your fucking fingertips but you won't do a quick google or other search engine search for a SIMPLE EXCHANGE? it would take, at most, 10 seconds. literally what the fuck.

i think the other part of this is like, mindless algorithm training.

everything has been automated and uses datamined bullshit. they simply purchase all of your information and i think gen z in particular has gotten into the habit of having everything fed to them

hence the whole thing w the use of ao3 and deleting/reposting their fics "for the algorithm" which again DOES NOT EXIST, AO3 IS A FUCKING ARCHIVE, among other things

i know we have joked in the past abt having to go past the second page of google results, but that was when it was an actually functioning search engine. and you'd probably find your answer within the first 5.

now? good fucking luck.

so on the one hand i can't entirely blame them, the enshittification of the internet is happening at the same time as they're being brainwashed and coddled by the algorithm training and all that shit

but it is ridiculously frustrating when ppl demand shit like this

get into the habit of looking shit up yourself, holy fucking shit

i cannot express the lengths i go to before asking someone a question

i think it through myself

i give it a few quick searches

i scout around a little bit more for context

and if i'm still somehow unclear and can't find anything, THEN--

i will evaluate whether this is crucial information or something useless and silly

and then if it's important or relevant to me, THEN i will ask what is going on

there's a chance that sometimes i swing too hard the other way bc i fear being irritating to other people, so ppl don't have to follow my example exactly

but also what i do really isn't that much and doesn't take that long

anyway the original video that it was all about/started by

https:// twitter.com/55mmbae/status/1703521133507862801

is this obsessive individualistic and entitled bullshit

this person apparently made a second video that was about how this is also emotional and moral immaturity and basically parading around trying to prove to other people how morally pure and perfect and superior you are by asking this kind of shit

and i think it's true, and also this sickening individualism and entitlement

like

"hey my algorithm is made exactly for me, so why is this video not made exactly for me? why didn't you think abt me before making it and appearing in my feed? >:("

i legitimately think that some ppl have so little thought abt this process that THAT is the way they approach these videos and this 'content'

the algorithm is for them, so why isn't everything? when the algorithm gets it wrong, it's like they considering interfacing w tiktok to be the same as interfacing w the specific person who made this ONE video

and i think this behavior has a more negative counterpart or flavor

and that is

"your positivity post made me, personally, upset, so i'm going to respond directly to you and to everyone who can see this post and tell you all to feel ashamed for enjoying it or having it make you feel better, bc it made ME feel bad, and you didn't consider that. how dare you feel positivity abt something that isn't actually harmful to anyone, but hurt my feelings personally and possibly hurt other people's feelings, too."

i JUST saw an example of this on here bc of how notifications work and it pissed me the fuck off, but i'll use something else as an example instead

the trend on here of the arguing over what counts as REAL self-care

that shit

someone will say "self-care is forcing yourself to do the chores and self-caretaking stuff you don't wanna do, bc it will actually help your health and help you feel better"

and someone goes

"wow this is so fucking ableist. i can't keep myself clean or brush my teeth and fuck you for holding us to this incredibly ableist standard."

doesn't matter if the original post said "in whatever way works for you" or didn't even mention specific methods of hygiene, this person gets angry and insecure and lashes out

and instead of making their own post about it to help other people like them

they respond to that post, where EVERYONE and op can see and will get notifs about it, and make them feel bad for sharing a piece of advice or a post that actually DID help them

bc like the video says: incredibly, sometimes, you are just NOT THE TARGET AUDIENCE FOR THAT THING

have i read a positivity post and gone "wow this made me feel bad about myself. welp, doesn't apply to me, i'm gonna process my own feelings and move on, bc the post itself didn't actually do anything wrong."

for example

"i hope everyone knows that there's no deadline for relationship/dating experience or life milestones! just bc you haven't kissed someone by 25 doesn't make you immature or bad or anything!"

now am i 28, almost 29, and still have never dated someone? yes. did this fictional example post based on some stuff i've actually seen make me incidentally feel kind of shitty? yep, it did.

however--

25 was an arbitrary age they chose as an example. there's nothing in the text of the post that suggests they think that's "too old" or THE cut-off point, past which you're pathetic

the post itself was positive, and is likely aimed at ppl who think life is over at 25 bc they're super young and everything feels high stakes

and at one point, that would've been me--

but it no longer is, and so i am not the target audience.

and so what do i do?

i ignore the fucking post and move on with my life.

what do i NOT do?

reply to the post, so that it appears in the notifs of op and whoever rbed the version i'm seeing, to say

"WOW how fucking dare you cut it off at 25. so what, ppl who never have a relationship are failures? we still have to meet all these life milestones, period, to be considered a decent and successful person? what the fuck is this."

to do that would mean that i fully, in bad faith, read WAY too much into what they were saying, and made it about MY feelings and emotional reaction to a COMPLETELY INNOCENT POST THAT WAS MEANT TO HELP MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BETTER

now before anyone does a bad faith "but what about" response to my own fucking point

a post that says

"it's okay to get married after the age of 25, a lot of ppl do it, the important thing is that you find someone and are married and can start building your family :)"

is a shitty post that holds people up to social norms and standards and has a lot of VERY CLEARLY baked in assumptions and judgments.

it would be totally fair, if you wanted to, to reply and say "hey dude have you considered that ppl don't actually have to get married or have a family to have a fulfilling life?"

bc you aren't responding to your own personal reaction/feelings abt the post and how it's not FOR you

it's about how this is a general standard that they are applying to ALL people, so EVERYONE is the target audience, and that is fucked up

there is a DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN THOSE EXAMPLE POSTS

i just think it's shitty to take someone's post that IS positive and does NOT perpetuate incredibly harmful assumptions about how life should work, and respond publicly to make them feel BAD abt not having psychically predicted that you in your specificass situation would NOT find the post helpful or positive

like hey if the advice or perspective is not helpful for you, then it's not for you. if it's helpful to other people, they don't have to ignore shit that's actually helpful for them just so it doesn't hurt some imaginary possible person's feelings.

like that is a ridiculous fucking thing to expect.

if positivity makes your teeth hurt and makes you angry? hell yeah be angry about it. get irritated! complain!

on your own post or with your own friends/acquaintances/groups/family who Get It

bc unless someone has actually done something hurtful and wrong, the post was just not targeted at you.

but bc you saw it and it pissed you off, you can (and should!) complain abt it somewhere else bc complaining and processing is fucking GOOD, man.

just don't fucking dump all over everyone else's nice, supportive time with each other.

or as the video says

don't fucking comment "but what if i hate beans" on a video about HOW TO MAKE A FUCKING BEAN SOUP

i really need to go the fuck to sleep i'm so tired

also here i am complaining about and sharing thoughts about other posts and stuff that i've seen because it irritated me or whatever

SO I AM CLEARLY IN FAVOR OF DOING THAT

JUST DO IT IN A PLACE WHERE YOU'RE NOT NEEDLESSLY SHITTING ON OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T REALLY DONE ANYTHING WRONG

[sungbeam]

XNONIE PRESENT !!!!!

i had soooo many midterms to study for, so apologies for the late reply beam 💔 but lemme tell u that i missed u very very much

A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME THAT U FOUND SOME DAREDEVIL FANART (the little birdie being ur post about ur thoughts during hiatus) AND I WILL WELCOME IT IN OPEN ARMS 🤗🤗

i absolutely vibe w/ daredevil x she-hulk too just b/c they both look SO SO SO happy w/ each other & they should just get married alreadt 🫶 i MEANNN i also vibe w/ daredevil x me, BUT i'm not gonna steal the spotlight from her 🥰

"i love making men cry" BEAM?!?@?@?' HELLAUR??? i'm gonna appreciate the angst so much SHDKSJFJ also hmmmm i'm not sure you've seen some of my stuff since i juuust started out. & don't worry, ur not being pushy at all !!!! i'm also very VERY nosy too it's something that dies hard 😭😭

druig mind games would make the e2l go a little faster tbh so that we can start dating right away 😍😍😍 THAT'S THE GOAL BABY

cravity JUST made a comeback w/ party rock!!! u should really check that out if ur into the upbeat & fun songs 🫶😚😚 I HAVEN'T LISTENED TO 28 REASONS YET b/c i was so caught up w/ school!! but it's on my to-do list for listens!

omg... u didn't just ask that BC NONE OF THEM SEEM E2L WORTHY THEY'RE ALL SO SHDKSJDKFK 💔 but HMMMMM:

slow burn/chan (he just seems like the best option on here 🫶), e2l/mark (it would be one sided tbh, like i'd hate him bc he was too perfect or something dumb like that LMAO), fake date/joshua (he's so bf material that i wouldn't be able to fake it honestly LOL)

XNONIE !!!! missed u very much too 🫂🫂🫂 and don't even worry abt it, i totally get that studying must come first 😔😭 but glad we're both back 😃

A BIRDIE WAS HOPING IT WOULD REACH U HEHE (ﾉ´∀｀*) i've actually always been a fan of this person's art style and the way that matt's portrayed here is so 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻 idk it's just so good and as soon as i saw it i wanted to share it w u but i was on hiatus 😔✨

frfr like all power to daredevil and she-hulk but WHAT ABOUT ME õ_ó my main character arc when 😔 /hj LMAOO

OKAY I DO LOVE MAKING MEN CRY NO JOKE 🤩🤩🤩🤩 i love writing about men being emotional 😔✨ we don't get a lot of that irl so 👀💀 ahhh that makes sense!! welcome to the community tho omo 👀👀 i do hope i come across ur stuff at some time ^_^ LOL PLS IM SO NOSY AND CURIOUS I FEEL BAD SO I ALWAYS RESIST MY URGES 😭😭😭😭

AKBXKSJXKDBD PLS THE E2L FASTFORWARDING AND NEVER HAPPENING CUZ HE KNOWS THE EXACT MOMENT U FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE ?1?(!(@299*!1;: HES SO HAWT AND FOR WHAT REASON (´Д⊂ヽ low-key wanna write e2l druig rn where the only reason why it's even over 1k is cuz u keep denying ur so-obvious pining and simpery 😔😔

OOH omg yeah i'll add it to my list to listen to cuz i need jams to bring me out of my depression ayo 🤩🤌🏻 THANK U FOR THE REC HEHE but yES LEMME KNOW ONCE U DO LISTEN TO 28 REASONS it's low-key my villain arc soundtrack (actually i've been really into g-idle recently like owh they're so badass YKW THE GIDLE DISCOGRAPHY LIKE THE I NEVER DIE AND I LOVE R MY ACTUAL VILLAIN ARC SOUNDTRACK)

josh hong IS boyfie material like tbh all three of them are (´Д⊂ヽ(´Д⊂ヽ i would prob go with the same options u picked tbh :0

okok i know there were things i wanted to talk to u abt during hiatus but i cANT REMEMBER RN AHHHHHHHHHH but r u into dc as well ?? like im def not as involved as the mcu obviously but i 👀👀👀 am currently writing something where it's like txt choi 👀👀👀 and like the bat boys 👀👀👀 i hope u know what im talking abt cries but it's my passion project as of late sidbskchkehc but HOPE UR DOING WELL ILY MWAH TALK TO U SOON XNONIEEEE

[daz4i]

@hq fandom i am begging you to stop the ableist mischaracterization some of y'all pull on autistic coded characters

[flying-elliska]

I came across another one of those "there is absolutely zero homophobia in this story about queer characters that's amazing !!! " posts (Or at least the op was intent on reading no homophobia at all in the text even when it was hinted at). And those types of post always give me such weird mixed feelings. I have seen a lot of them in the last few years.

I'm not discussing anyone's personal preferences - that is entirely up to them. And I also agree that I want more stories where queerness is not a big deal and people's problems come from other places. And queer characters can have the same amount of fun fluffy romance.

HOWEVER in the way ppl talk about queer stories (thinking predominantly abt book related spaces) these days it's often like any kind of obstacles or adversity makes it "bad representation" and honestly...that kind of worries me.

That's partly a matter of personal taste - a while back I went on a sapphic book reading binge and I found too many of them way too saccharine and boring and cutesy without depth.

But also - there is an element of cultural amnesia here that I can't help but link to the way some parts of online queer communities nowadays end up falling for conservative/queerphobic rhetoric often out of sheer ignorance (terfy bullshit, heteronormativity, assimilationism/wanting to be seen as normal at all costs/shaming queer people seen as too weird/gnc, sex negativity, gatekeeping, etc etc). It is still important for queer people who grow up in more progressive environments to know about the resorts of homophobia and heteronormativity. Because knowledge is power, and progress is never guaranteed.

Like it's amazing that more and more young people grow up without having to be worried about that stuff ! That's something the queer community has been fighting for for so long ! But still nowadays, a majority of queer people live in bigoted environments, and a majority of queer people alive have experienced homophobia and bigotry. And there is a subset of young, often very privileged in other ways, queer person generally living in ultra-liberal bubbles that I wish remembered this and was more mindful when they spoke. Because I have heard stuff that really made me angry - about how "tragic gay stories" were tired and annoying and overdone and less valuable. And like, personal taste, wanting more fluff, that's one thing. But calling stories that are often real people's past or even present worthless because they're kind of a bummer and not entertaining enough - well, that's deeply disrespectful, disturbing and circles all the way back to homophobic.

I was thinking about this the other day bc that mindset has influenced me in ways I don't like. I do often write homophobia into my stories and sometimes I feel kind of bad about it, wondering if it's like, perpetuating cliches or exploitative etc etc. But actually fuck that noise. Homophobia had a huge impact on me growing up. I grew up in a deeply homophobic environment - I was called a d*ke in disgust before I was old enough to know what it was, I first learned about queerness through images of characters that were all sinister, ridiculous, pathetic, or predatory ; bisexuality meanwhile was either invisible or supposedly fake or psychopathic ; I grew up surrounded by people making shitty jokes and casually using slurs, bullying people who didn't adhere well enough to gender roles (and a few times that was me, too), my bff in HS was all like "gay guys are ok but queer women are gross" - I soaked up that shit like a sponge and it's no wonder I didn't figure out my sexuality until my early twenties - I had repressed the hell out of that shit because it was so scary. Even though my experiences were not as direct as other people, it was still the ambient background to those very formative years. And still today - like, we regularly hear on the news about lgbt people being attacked, one of those attacks happened a few blocks from where I live ffs, and I supposedly live in one of the most gay friendly countries on Earth ! So I am well within my rights to explore that shit through fiction.

Do I blame people for wanting a break from that ? Hell no ! I do too sometimes. But I do NOT want to hear bullshit about how queer stories that are less than perfectly happy are somehow bad, regressive or less valuable.

I think personally what I truly want is more nuance. Sometimes I feel like we switched right from having mostly super tragic stories where queer characters were completely crushed by overwhelming oppression to a predominant mood that is very, like..."feel good stories only, homophobia is solved!!!!! If you still feel bad it's all in your head you're stuck in the past/annoying and we don't care about your trauma!!!!!" (hmmm big toxic positivity and online performativity vibes). I think the stories that have brought me the most, personally, are those where queer characters still experience some level of oppression but manage to fight the system/find some measure of joy and happiness regardless/crush their bigoted enemies while being very badass about it, all the while having epic romances and very full lives and also other complex problems.

I mean there is probably media that does this that I haven't found yet (pls send me recs if you have any). But it still feels too rare.

I don't only want fluffy escapism or idealism in fiction. I want to get strength and hope from characters who do manage to overcome less than ideal situations, I want to find recognition, I want to learn about other people's lives, and yes, sometimes, I want the catharsis and validation of tragedy.

And also ? I think you can still manage to address these things in stories and also have fluff and a happy ending. It's too often annoyingly one note, like characters who suffer too much are too broken to recover or hope/fluff is not believable in a world where bad things happen or you can't explore heavier topics in what is supposed to be a happier story like ! This feels like marketing segmenting bullshit to me. Life is beautiful and horrible all at once !!! The one doesn't exclude the other !!!!