#what I DO know is I immediately had a breakdown when I was allowed [!!!] back up front last night

[euclydya]

my gender is robot. my gender is wires. my gender is robot in a nonbinary way and girl in a robot way. my gender is girl in a queer way. My gender is, Dyke. My gender is masculine in the complete opposite direction of that, and I don't know what direction that is but I do know that it's Faggot. My gender OS is: Fucked Up. I'm a girl in a queer way [in a technology way]. I'm a boy in a dog way [in a virtual pet way]. My gender is, "Yes, And". My gender is, "No, But". My gender is: Probably not! My gender is the Eroticism Of The Machine. My gender is

[foldingfittedsheets]

Something that literally changed my life was working with a friend on a coding thing. He was helping me create an auto rig script and was trying to explain something to me but his words were just turning into static in my brain. I was tired and confused and there was so many new concepts happening.

I could feel myself working toward a crying meltdown and was getting preemptively ashamed of what was about to happen when he said, “Hey, are you someone who benefits from breaks?”

It broke me.

Did I benefit from breaks? I didn’t know. I’d never taken them.

When a problem frustrated or upset me I just gritted my teeth and plowed through the emotional distress because eventually if you batter and flail at something long enough you figure it out. So what if you get bruised on the way.

I viscerally remembered in that moment being forced to sit at the table late into the night with my dad screaming at me, trying to understand math. I remembered taking that with me into adulthood and having breakdowns every week trying to understand coding. I could have taken a break? Would it help? I didn’t know! I’d never taken one!

“Yes,” I told him. We paused our call. I ate lunch. I focused on other stuff for half an hour. I came back in a significantly better state of mind, and the thing he’d been trying to explain had been gently cooking in the back of my head and seemed easier to understand.

Now when I find myself gritting my teeth at problems I can hear his gentle voice asking if I benefit from breaks. Yes, dear god, yes why did I never get taught breaks? Why was the only way I knew to keep suffering until something worked?

I was relating to this same friend recently my roadtrip to the redwoods with my wife. “We stopped every hour or so to get out and stretch our legs and switch drivers. It was really nice. When I was a kid we’d just drive twelve hours straight and not stop for anything, just gas. We’d eat in the car and power through.”

He gave a wry smile, immediately connecting the mindset of my parents on a road trip to what they’d instilled in me about brute forcing through discomfort. “Do you benefit from breaks?” he echoed, drawing my attention to it, making me smile with the same sad acknowledgement.

Take breaks. You’re allowed. You don’t have to slam into problems over and over and over, let yourself rest. It will get easier. Take. Breaks.

[jinhyun]

—sugar rush.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

genre: angst, fluff, pining, non-idol au, best friend’s brother au

word count: 7.4k

summary: hyunjin’s heart had been broken by you more than once, and still, he refused to let you go through your own heartbreak alone.

warnings: many mentions of heartbreak, break up, breakdown, and a small mention of weight loss (because of heartbreak).

author’s note: she’s here! tbh i didn’t plan for it to be this long, i wanted to lightly mention hyunjin’s past heartbreaks but once i started writing i couldn’t stop lol. i hope this gives you guys some more insight on their story and feelings. if anyone casually comes across this one shot, it is part four of my social media au “heart out”. i hope you all enjoy! don’t forget to reblog and/or leave a comment if you do<3

The first time Hyunjin saw you, he was only seventeen.

Yeji was in her second year of university and was still living at their family home. She would often tell them about her best friend she made back in first year, and she must’ve shown them one or two pictures at some point, yet for some reason Hyunjin never really got interested enough to actually pay attention — being too busy trying to achieve good grades in the classes he was struggling with the most. After all, after that year he would only have one more to make it to a good university and live up to his parents’ expectations, since his older sister had made it to one of the best universities in Seoul and they were expecting just the same from him.

So, when Yeji called their mother one day and asked if her best friend could stay with them that weekend since she wasn’t from Seoul and was having a few issues with her dorm, Hyunjin didn’t think much of it. If anything, he had rolled his eyes over the thought of having to hide in his room and not being able to raid the kitchen whenever he wanted, not to run into his sister’s stranger friend.

But then you crossed the door later that night, with a shy smile curving up your lips as you introduced yourself to all three of them and thanked them for allowing you to stay the weekend, and suddenly he felt like wanting to raid the kitchen every five minutes that weekend, just in hopes of running into you and getting a glimpse of your face.

One look at you was all it took for him to get the biggest crush on someone yet, and one single weekend into meeting you was all it took for him to know that the immediate infatuation he felt towards you would only grow from then on.

Now, being only three months away from turning twenty four, he could only give his seventeen year old self a pat on the shoulder because of how well he had judged the future of his feelings for you. That, and to comfort his younger self as well, because, God, nothing could have prepared him for what was about to come his way.

Six years had passed in the blink of an eye since then, and here he was, still loving you from the sidelines.

And in those six years of loving you, he had experienced heartbreak three times. All three of them, by you.

You, who didn’t even know he had feelings for you.

You, who didn’t see him as anything other than Yeji’s little brother — not to say your little brother.

You, who had grown closer to him at one point, only to pull away when you fell for someone else.

Hyunjin wasn’t stupid, he knew how the world and feelings worked. He knew a twenty year old wouldn’t fall for a seventeen year old who was in his second to last year of high school — at least not a sane one, and you were very much sane, he found out right away.

Then again, although not stupid, he was still naive. Which is why he believed everything would change when he turned nineteen and became legal.

He spent his last two years of high school focusing on his studies, not even looking at his classmates or at any other girl at school.

He would only see you from time to time, whenever Yeji invited you over, which wasn’t that often given the two of you would much rather hang out alone at your dorm. Most of the news he got from you were because he asked Yeji about you, or, if he was lucky enough, because his parents asked about you when he just happened to be there.

He would also often find himself going through your social media in hopes of you having posted a picture that showed your face. And, sometimes, he would be brave enough to comment on your posts — just casual little comments that would leave him smiling for the rest of the day whenever you replied.

You didn’t interact much back then, and he was okay with it. Granted, he wished you talked more, and he really fucking wished he got to see you more often, but he could deal with it, because once he entered university and turned nineteen, everything would change.

But then, by the time he was nineteen, you were about to turn twenty two. He was only starting university, and you were already in your last year of it.

He refused to let go of the small pinch of hope he still had in him, however. He had made it to your and Yeji’s university, after all, and although he didn’t choose your same career path, he would use being in the same campus to his advantage.

He started by asking for your help regarding small assignments. Whether they were actually hard or easy as hell, risking looking dumb to you, he would reach out and ask for your help. Getting a simple explanation that wouldn’t take you longer than two minutes would make his entire day. You never judged him when it came to ‘dumb questions’, and sometimes, if he was lucky enough and you had some time in your hands, you would take him for coffee — the intention being to properly help him out with his assignments, yet most of the time it would turn out in the two of you just hanging out and having a good time together.

Then, deciding the few times you got to hang out at a café weren’t enough, Hyunjin became more straightforward. He realised there were days you would stay at the library while Yeji went home, as she found studying at home to be more productive, unlike you, and it so conveniently aligned with the days his schedule ended the latest. He used to despise that one last class with a passion, until he found out you were at campus alone by then. So, he took it upon himself to text you as soon as the class ended, asking if you were done and offering to walk you to your dorm.

At first you hesitated, not wanting to take up even more of his commute time, since you lived on campus and he didn’t, but after a couple of times it became your thing, to the point Hyunjin wouldn’t even text you beforehand anymore and would straight up head over to the library; whether to pick you up as you were already placing your books inside your bag, or to sit down next to you and do whatever —mainly staring at you without you noticing— while he waited for you to be done.

Sometimes he would have lunch with you and Yeji. It wasn’t very usual, since he did have his own group of friends, but there were times when he felt like spending some extra time with you, and his sister being there was a good excuse to do so without seeming too clingy.

Some days you would text back and forth. Some others you would text him something that reminded you of him and vice versa. And some others you wouldn’t text at all, but he would find a way to see you.

Before he knew it, Hyunjin grew used to talking to you every single day. And he was okay with it, because by then it had already become natural and you seemed to enjoy his company just as much as he enjoyed yours.

He didn’t get into the same university as you and Yeji just to be with you, of course, but fuck, was he over the moon now that he had multiple excuses to hang out with you.

He wanted to believe that you were at least beginning to move past the innocent image you had of him — the one of him being Yeji’s little brother, and therefore needing protection. He made himself believe that deep down you were starting to feel something for him, even if you didn’t notice. And he was willing to make you notice.

But then the second semester came, and halfway through it he felt you slip away.

Hyunjin didn’t know when or why you stopped hanging out, but he hardly got to see you anymore.

He didn’t think much of it at first. Your schedules were very different now, and he thought that was the reason. You were on your last semester and your times just didn’t coincide like they used to. Simple as that.

You still helped him out whenever he came to you with questions regarding one of his classes, you still smiled ever so sweetly whenever you saw him, you still reached out to check up on him.

But you wouldn’t wait for him to walk you home anymore, and you wouldn’t really text that much either — your conversations going from texting each other the most random of things throughout the day, to you only answering his questions regarding his classes, which, to be honest, were only Hyunjin’s miserable attempts to initiate small talk. You just didn’t seem to check your chats anymore, which he found to be quite odd considering that, whenever he saw you, you would be staring at your phone with the biggest of smiles as you typed away.

It wasn’t until Yeji slipped up one evening, when their parents asked about you at dinner, that he found out the reason behind your sudden distance from him and the giddy smiles you’d get by looking at your phone.

“I haven’t seen Y/N around in a while,” their mother brought up. “How’s she been?”

“Oh, she’s doing well. Just… a bit busy, I guess” Yeji replied, taking a small bite of her food.

“You should invite her over for dinner this weekend” their dad proposed this time. “We were thinking of having a barbecue”.

“I think she’s going out with Mingyu on Saturday” Yeji tilted her head, pensively — completely oblivious to the way Hyunjin had just frozen next to her. “Maybe she could come over on Sunday for lunch? I need to hear all the details about her date after all”.

Clunk!

Everyone turned to Hyunjin, who remained frozen still, yet the metal spoon he had previously been holding in his hand was now laying on the floor, having slipped from his fingers the moment the word ‘date’ had made it past Yeji’s lips.

He quickly picked it up and placed it back on the table. Everyone went back to their previous conversation, like nothing happened. Like his heart didn’t feel like every single inch of it was being pierced right through.

You were seeing someone.

He was in love with you. He was finally of age and somewhat in the same stage in life as you. He was doing everything in his power to get closer to you and eventually win you over.

And you were seeing someone.

That night, Hyunjin went to sleep with a heavy chest and a buzzing head. Unable to understand why it hurt so much and why it wouldn’t go away.

It was later that month, on new year’s eve more specifically, that he finally knew what the heavy chest and the annoying pinch in his heart were hinting at.

“Y/N isn’t coming this year?” He asked his sister when he finally got the courage to, impatiently staring at the clock on the kitchen wall that pointed at the numbers 22:56.

“Oh my God, no, I forgot to tell you” Yeji laughed, placing her drink down on the table. “Mingyu asked her to be his girlfriend today. More like last night, but it was already past midn—”

Everything else after that was muffled by the sound of his heart breaking.

The sound inside his chest was so clear to him, so deafening, followed by an ache a hundred times more painful than the one he felt when he found out that you were merely seeing someone, that there wasn’t any room for him to ponder what it was that he was feeling.

Heartbreak. It was clear as day.

Agonizing, infernal heartbreak.

That night, it was followed by quiet tears, as he lied alone in bed and welcomed the new year with a broken heart.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

The second heartbreak came a year and a half later, when he was torn between trying his best to move on and still not letting go of the nearly gone hope of the two of you being together at some point.

You and Yeji were in her room, and he was downstairs helping their mother set up the table for dinner.

He was trying his best to ignore the fact that you were there. He wasn’t ignoring you, of course — he could never. But you being there made him unable to focus on anything else, and he needed to focus on literally anything else but you.

Ever since you and Mingyu became official, you hardly ever interacted anymore. All his attempts during his first year of uni seemed pointless by then, long forgotten. He ignored the reason, but he guessed it had to do with you only making time for your boyfriend now. As far as he knew, the only two friends you actually made an effort to keep contact with were Yeji and Chan — all the rest, he had not heard from since a while ago. Then again, it wasn’t like you talked that much anymore for him to actually know anything about your life other than the bits he’d get from Yeji whenever she either slipped up in front of him or straight up gushed to him about you.

So, it wasn’t hard to understand that he’d be a little uneasy, jumpy even, whenever you visited.

And it wouldn’t take a genius either to imagine how much he dreaded the moment his mother asked him to go up to his sister’s bedroom and call the both of you to go downstairs for dinner.

But orders were orders, and so he made his way to the second floor, dragging his feet all the way up the stairs.

Before he could reach the last stair, however, he heard your voice coming out of Yeji’s room, being followed by his sister’s laugh as the two of you were now apparently standing in the hallway, about to make your way downstairs before he could tell you to.

He thought of just turning around and heading back into the kitchen, since he could only guess you were heading over there and therefore he didn’t need to tell you to anymore, but the words he heard coming from your mouth made him stand still in his place.

“Honestly, I can’t believe he took me to his hometown and I met his family already. They’re all so nice it felt like a dream” you beamed.

“Kinda makes you want to become a part of it?” Yeji teased you.

“Yeah…” your voice came out rather shy, and Hyunjin could tell you were smiling. “I barely talk to my family and they were so welcoming it made me feel at home. I don’t know, Yeji, I’m so in love with him and meeting his family made me realise how bad I want him to father my children”.

Hyunjin wanted to leave. He didn’t want to hear anymore. But his feet betrayed him.

“Yeah, let’s get some financial stability before that, shall we?” Yeji chuckled, footsteps sounding closer and closer to him.

“Shut up” you laughed. “Not now of course, but Mingyu’s it for me, I’m sure”.

Move. Hwang Hyunjin, leave.

“I guess I’m waiting for my invitation to your wedding then?”

You don’t wanna hear it. Move!

“Oh, I’m definitely marrying him one day” you giggled. “And you’ll be on bridesmaid duty, so if anything you’ll be the one helping me with the invitations”.

There it was again, the unbearable pain in his chest again.

If he were holding a spoon again, he would’ve dropped it all the way down the stairs by now. Hell, he felt like he could fall down the stairs anytime by now, as his knees felt like they were about to give up any second.

“Oh?” Yeji’s voice brought him back to his senses when it was too late for him to escape — the two of you now right in front of him, as he was blocking the way. “What are you doing here?”

“I was just coming up to call you guys downstairs” he replied in a heartbeat, not sure how he managed to speak without his voice breaking. “Dinner’s ready”.

Yeji nodded, giving you a quick glance before Hyunjin squeezed against the wall so he could make some room for the two of you to start walking down the stairs.

“Aren’t you coming?” You asked him, turning around midway, when Yeji was already on the first floor and you realised Hyunjin wasn’t moving at all.

“Uh, yeah” he managed to blurt out. “Just… need to get something from my room first. I’ll go right down”.

You nodded, sensing something was wrong, yet not finding it in you to ask him what it was.

This heartbreak was somehow worse than the first one, Hyunjin decided once in his room. First, he couldn’t cry and let it out until he fell asleep, managing to keep it from everyone else like he did back then, for his parents, his sister and you were waiting downstairs for him, and he was sure his mum would burst into his room within the next five minutes if he wasn’t with them by then. And, second, it felt final. The first heartbreak came when you started dating someone else, but this one was because you decided you had found your person, the very one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and it wasn’t him.

A few hot tears rolled down his face, and he harshly wiped them off before taking a deep breath and making his way back down, not ready at all to face you of all people, yet knowing well enough there was no hiding this time.

The rest of the evening was a blur to him. The only thing he remembered was remaining silent and hardly touching his food, later excusing himself when he felt like he couldn’t take it anymore, like he would break down right then and there if he stayed one more second in your presence, and then nothing.

A blur.

Any small glimpse of hope he managed to keep that past year and a half was now gone.

He couldn’t afford to be torn between moving on and waiting for you anymore, because you had made your choice, and it wasn’t him. It would never be him.

Your heart belonged to Mingyu, and he would have to finally come to terms with it.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

Two other years had passed since Hyunjin decided to move on from you for good, and still, he was hardly there just yet.

He wanted to believe he was over you. He told everyone —that being Han and Minho, the only ones who knew he ever had feelings for you— that he was over you. But deep down, he knew he wasn’t.

In those two years, he tried to give relationships a try. Both times, unsuccessful — because no matter how much he progressed, any time he saw you, he would go right back to stage one.

His first girlfriend was Seoyun, a girl he met through a dating app. Not his proudest moment, but he needed to get over you and he needed to get over you fast. His intention was to go for something casual. Just date, date and date, as many people as he could, until he could finally move on from you; but he soon realised that casual flings just weren’t for him. If he wanted to stop loving you, he needed to love someone else, and Seoyun seemed like the best candidate for it.

They lasted three months, and although he tried his best, he couldn’t fall for her. Not in the way he fell for you. Definitely not in the way you had fallen for Mingyu, who was still getting all your devoted love as you seemed to be happier together by the day.

His second girlfriend was Nara, a girl from his calculus class. This time, she chased after him, and after a while he figured why not give her a chance. His feelings for you weren’t lessening any more and neither were yours for Mingyu, so he needed someone to help him get rid of them.

He realised it was unfair to her, but he tried. Just like with Seoyun, he really tried to love her. She was great. She was pretty, she was funny, and she was head over heels for him. She met you outside his family home one day when you and his sister were visiting and you loved her, to the point of proposing a ‘triple date’, including Chan and Yeji, since they were just then beginning to date. Yeji met her too, of course, and loved her as well.

And yet, he, the one person who so desperately needed to love her, couldn’t.

He was actually sure the day you met Nara was the moment he realised it wasn’t working out and it would never work out — when you proposed a triple date and he could only think of how fucking much it would hurt to sit there and watch you be all lovey dovey with your boyfriend, while his own girlfriend was right there with him.

They had recently turned five months together when it happened, and that was as much as it lasted.

Hyunjin gave up on dating entirely after that, at least until he could get one hundred percent over you. He couldn’t just try and —unsuccessfully— force himself to love someone else while he still loved you, for in the end he’d only end up using them for his own benefit, and he hated himself for it.

He could only put his faith in time now. People always said that time heals it all, and he was really counting on it to let go of you.

But then time passed and instead of it healing his heart, it broke yours.

You and Mingyu broke up overnight, and although Hyunjin should’ve been hopeful, happy even, over the news, he realised his lingering feelings for you were very much alive when, to his own surprise, he felt his heart break for a third time.

He was at Yeji’s that evening — being too bored at his shared place with Han, he decided to annoy his sister for a while and be bored at hers instead.

Hyunjin was looking for a snack in her kitchen, when a knock on the door caught his attention. He wondered whether he should ignore it since Yeji was taking a shower and he most definitely didn’t want to deal with strangers right then, but ultimately he walked over to it and looked through the peephole when the knocks became louder, only to see you on the other side of it.

The smile that formed on his face at the simple sight of you was gone the moment he opened the door and took in how miserable you looked.

If that alone told him something was wrong, when you didn’t perk up like you always did whenever you saw him and barely even acknowledged him as you made your way inside, he knew you weren’t thinking straight right then.

“Um… are you okay?” He carefully asked, closing the door behind him as he turned to you.

“Is Yeji home?” You asked instead, voice breaking as you looked around in search of your friend.

Hyunjin nodded. “She’s taking a shower. Shouldn’t take long”.

You nodded, and although you said nothing, the way your chest heavily moved up and down told him you were hyperventilating.

“Y/N…” he called you quietly, almost scared to ask. “Are you okay?”

Again, you said nothing.

“Do you need anything?” He came closer to you.

You shook your head no, blinking rapidly. “Yeji. I need Yeji”.

“Okay, okay…” he said as tenderly as he could. “She’s coming, just—“

“Can you tell her to hurry up? I’m just…” you took a deep, shaky breath; one that made him instantly alert over how clear it was you were finding it hard to breathe. He panicked when you grabbed your chest. “Oh, God, I’m—”

“Hey, I’m here” he said, grabbing your hands and holding them tight as ever. “What happened? Tell me what’s wrong”.

He could see it in your eyes that you wanted to tell him, but although you opened your mouth to let him know what was wrong, no sound came out of it and you ended up just closing it again.

You weren’t able to speak, so he did it for you.

“Did something happen with Mingyu?” He sounded almost scared to ask.

That seemed to hit the nail on the head.

You looked up at him, and he could only grow worried, infuriated, over all kinds of thoughts that ran through his head the moment your eyes welled up with tears.

“Did he do something to you?!”

Your bottom lip quivered.

The first tear fell.

“Hyunie…”

Then you broke down.

Burying your face in his chest, you tugged tightly at his hoodie as you finally let yourself go.

Although stunned and still trying to comprehend the whole situation, Hyunjin didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, scared you’d collapse anytime by then.

It wasn’t like any other cry he’d heard before.

This was different. Your sobs sounded like you were in excruciating pain, like it was hard to breathe, and your chest trembling against his own with every cry of yours felt like it was being ripped open from the inside.

He could only hold you closer, somehow trying to ground you, but it was of no use.

“It’s okay, it’s okay…” he repeated over and over, almost inaudibly under your sobs.

You tried to speak, either to explain what happened or to simply let it all out, but you couldn’t.

You were choking on your own words, and Hyunjin felt his own eyes well up with tears as he hurt for you and felt hopeless as ever, being able to do nothing else but run his hand up and down your back in a poor attempt to soothe you.

When your cries wouldn’t stop after a minute, he whispered a small ‘come here’ before he gently guided you towards the sofa. Slowly, not to break away from your hold, he managed to sit both of you down on it.

Your face instinctively moved up from his chest to the crook of his neck, where you hid it as you tried to calm down your sobs — finding comfort in his familiar sweet scent and in the gentle touch of his fingers running through your hair.

“What did he do?” He asked when your sobs seemed to quiet down.

You shook your head no, tugging harder at the fabric of his hoodie.

“Y/N, please…” he begged, pulling you slightly away, only enough to look into your reddened eyes. “I need to know what he did so I can do something about it”.

“You c-can do nothing about it, b-because it was his—his choice” you sniffled.

“What do you mean?”

Your bottom lip trembled, and for a moment there he regretted asking you that. But he needed to know.

Then, you took a deep breath, opening your mouth for a second and then closing it — the words you were about to say being harder to voice out than you expected.

“He left me,” you spoke in a whisper after a few seconds, and Hyunjin felt his world stop. “He d-doesn’t love me anymore. He loves her. He left me for her, for the one girl I—”

You choked on your own words once more, being unable to speak over your sobs anymore, and so he just pulled you back to his chest, allowing you to just cry until you let it all out.

He hoped you couldn’t feel his blood boiling, because he was seeing red right then.

How dare he break your heart? How fucking dare he leave you for someone else?

He had been wishing to be in Mingyu’s shoes for years now, and he, who had you all to himself in every single way Hyunjin ever wished to, didn’t feel like it anymore?

For years he had unsuccessfully been trying to stop loving you because he knew he couldn’t have you, and Mingyu, the one who had you, stopped loving you? Just like that? Because of someone else?

Who could even fucking compare to you?!

“What happened?!” Yeji bursted into the living room, snapping him out of his thoughts — only a towel covering her poorly dried body and her wet hair leaving a trail of drops behind her. “I heard—”

Hyunjin motioned for her to keep quiet, silently letting her know that he got you and she could go change before coming back to comfort you. It seemed like it would be a long night after all, and neither of them were getting any sleep until you were better.

Many times he had wished Mingyu and you would break up, but not like this. Not with you feeling so worthless and taking the worst part of it.

Not with you feeling the same kind of pain he had felt two times by now, and making him feel it a third time while at it. Because seeing the person he loved with all his being in so much pain, could only break his heart all over again.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

After that night, Hyunjin felt himself grow protective over you.

So, the moment he read your texts, the very ones that mentioned ‘Mingyu’, ‘spamming’ and ‘losing it’ in the span of three paragraphs, he knew he was coming to you. Now more than ever, when your two best friends were out of town and he was pretty much the only person left you had.

His mind was filled with the night you broke down in his arms, and he’d be damned if you ever broke down just like that again and he wasn’t there to hold you.

He knew what the past few months had been like for you, he had been there through it all. From the weeks you isolated yourself and lost weight due to the lack of appetite you experienced through your slump, to your self-loathing ways and your complete loss of self-confidence when it came to showing yourself to the world and comparing yourself to everyone else. Because one thing was to be broken up with, and a very different one was to be left for someone else.

He, Yeji and Chan had been there for you through it all, trying their best to bring you back up and finally feeling like they were succeeding at it.

He felt nauseous over the simple thought of you crumbling down all over again, all because Mingyu decided it would be appropriate to text you regarding your relationship after he was the one to break your heart in the first place.

Therefore, Hyunjin only felt like he could breathe when you were in front of him, having opened the door not even five seconds after he knocked on it, and you looked okay. Not perfect, as the red shade in your eyes and nose let him know you had indeed cried a few minutes ago, but okay regardless. Better than you were the last time you lost it over your ex.

“You okay?” He asked tenderly, entering your place when you moved aside to invite him in.

You nodded, closing the door behind you and waiting for him to take off his shoes before guiding him to the living room, where he found a red blanket lying on your couch and the third season of Attack on Titan playing on the TV in front of it — as expected.

“You really didn’t have to come, Hyunie…” you mumbled. “Talking on the phone would’ve done it, I didn’t mean to bother you”.

“Will you just… stop saying you’re a bother?” He couldn’t help but sound annoyed. “You’re not”.

“But—”

“You’re not a bother, Y/N. I wanted to come here. I want to be here, okay?”

“Okay…”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, I just…” he sighed, coming closer to you. “You really worried me”.

“Sor—”

“And don’t you dare say sorry for worrying me” he warned you with a taunting smirk this time.

The corners of your mouth curved up at that, shaking your head in amusement before you quietly motioned for him to sit down on the couch.

Hyunjin didn’t wait to do as told, making the blanket aside so he wouldn’t sit on it, and revealing your phone under it for a moment before you took a seat next to him.

“Has he texted you anymore?” He couldn’t help but ask.

“No,” your answer gave him some peace of mind. “I said I’d block him otherwise, so he hasn’t insisted”.

Hyunjin opened his mouth to say something, but ultimately remained quiet. Still, you had managed to notice and didn’t let it slip.

“What?”

“Nothing” he shook his head.

“You were about to say something”.

“I just,” he shrugged. “Thought he’d be already blocked by now”.

You smiled weakly, grabbing your phone and placing it on your coffee table. “It’s delusional, isn’t it?” Your eyes fixed back on him. “I told him the only reason I haven’t blocked him is because we both work for the same company, but honestly I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it”.

“It’s not delusional…” he fidgeted with the ends of your blanket. “It hasn’t been that long since you guys broke up after all”.

“I know… but given the way he left me and how I’ve seen him and Hayun together at work multiple times, I feel like I should hate him, or at least not love him anymore”.

“Oh…” he lowered his head, hurting at the idea of you still loving your ex. “So you’re still…”

“I’m trying not to,” you confessed — just like Hyunjin, refusing to say it out loud. “It’s just hard, but I’ll get there at some point”.

He nodded. “I can only imagine how hard must it be…”

“Was it hard for you?”

“Huh?”

“With Nara,” you clarified. “Getting over her…”

“Oh,” he bit his lip. “Not really…”

“It wasn’t?” You tilted your head in surprise.

He shrugged. “We only lasted five months…”

“Which is a lot?!”

He smiled bittersweetly. Sure, maybe to some people it was a lot, but it was nothing compared to the six years he had been in love with you.

Your question was being asked about the wrong person, because getting over Nara wasn’t hard at all, given the fact that he was never in love with her to begin with. Getting over you, however? Fuck, there was nothing harder than that.

He could only hope and pray that wouldn’t be the case for you with Mingyu.

“We ended it on good terms” he let you know. “We just weren’t working out. It was for the best, so there wasn’t much grieving, if I’m honest”.

“Hm…” you quietly lamented, staring down at your lap. “I mean, I’m glad you didn’t have a hard time moving on from her, but I guess I can’t ask you for tips on how to move on from someone now”.

He laughed under his breath. Honestly, he sucked at moving on. He was the last person you should come to for advice.

“I guess not… sorry” he apologized. “Time’s supposed to heal it all, though”.

Didn’t work for him so far, but he knew it was the case for most people. Hopefully it would be the case for you.

You chuckled. “Yeah, so I’ve heard. I would just like to speed the process”.

“You’ll get there eventually, don’t push yourself too hard” he offered a comforting smile. “I’m sure going zero contact and blocking him would help, though”.

This time, you couldn’t hold back a throaty laugh that had him quietly joining you right after. “You really hate his ass, don’t you?”

“I’m just saying…” he shrugged once again, trying to act nonchalant, yet failing miserably at erasing the smile curving up his lips. “What happened today wouldn’t have happened if he was blocked”.

“That’s a good point” you agreed.

“What did he even text you for again?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “He just wanted to check up on me, or so he said”.

Hyunjin shook his head in disappointment. “Sounds to me like he just wants to keep you in line”.

“What do you mean?” Your eyebrows furrowed.

“Why text you the day before your anniversary? Why now?” He wondered. “It’s like he wants you to think about it and dwell on it. Like he wanted you to be upset so he could comfort you about it”.

You remained silent for a few seconds, carefully taking in his words.

“I want to believe he isn’t that much of an asshole…”

Hyunjin snorted, shaking his head once again, but this time in amusement. “He’s proved himself to be one more than once by now”.

“Yeah, I know…” you mumbled. “I just don’t get why he’d want to keep me in line now that he’s with her. I mean, he literally left me for her, and she’s so fucking pretty, I…”

“You’re prettier”.

Your eyes shot up to meet his, and he caught a small sparkle appearing in them before you shook it off and decided to joke about it. “Yeji really trained you well for this weekend, huh?”

“No, I mean it”.

“You haven’t even seen Hayun”.

“I have, though?” His eyebrows furrowed. He was there when you’d cry and show Yeji pictures of the girl Mingyu left you for, feeling his blood boil while at it. “She’s got nothing on you, you’re way prettier than her”.

“Hyunjin…”

“I’m serious, Y/N” he stood his ground. “It sucks that you feel inferior to her just because she’s with him, because honestly you’re a thousand times better. And considering she literally came in between your relationship with Mingyu, she’s ugly and unattractive as hell on the inside while you’re beautiful inside and out, so…”

To say you were speechless was an understatement. He was speechless as well, not having planned to go off like that, yet being unable to hear you bring yourself down once again when you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

For a moment there, he feared his feelings for you had been left out in the open for you to realise.

He was lucky you were dense as a brick and still somewhat emotionally unavailable to even think something of it.

“Wow, um…” you brought your hands up to cup your face, suddenly feeling hot. “My cheeks are burning, so I guess that’s enough break up talk for now”.

Although you were avoiding the topic, Hyunjin smiled, lowering his head to hold back a small giggle that threatened to come out of his mouth. He made you feel flustered, that was enough for him to be on cloud nine.

You stood up almost in a rush, looking for the remote before placing it on his lap for him to grab. “Why don’t you look for the summer camp arc while I go make us some tea instead?”

“Are you sure you want to switch to Haikyuu when Levi’s about to get more screen time?” He teased, knowing well enough that you, just like his sister, were a Levi girl.

Snorting at his remark, you motioned for him to go on with your previous order. “I have so many edits of my man saved, I can just look at him whenever”.

Hyunjin chuckled, shaking his head amusedly as he complied with your wishes and exited Attack on Titan to look for Haikyuu instead.

“Plus, Haikyuu’s got Kenma in it, so…”

“He’s a high school student” he pointed out.

“Are you calling me a cradle-snatcher?” You raised a questioning eyebrow.

This time, Hyunjin couldn’t hold back a giggle, finding the way your voice turned a pitch higher in offense to be a little too cute. “Your words, not mine”.

“Mind you, he’s a ‘95 liner” you pointed out, only managing to make him laugh harder. “He’s even older than me!”

“I didn’t even say anything” Hyunjin held both his hands up in defense, failing once more at trying to erase his smile.

God, you looked so cute right then, he couldn’t even be mad over the fact that you didn’t seem to fall for younger guys when it came to fiction either.

“We can skip on the tea if you want, so you can see your man sooner” he taunted, pressing play on the second season before you could leave the room.

Jaw dropping in both amusement and offense, you squinted your eyes at him. “You know, I was bringing you those cookies you love so much with it, but I’m not anymore”.

“The chocolate chip ones you make?” His head snapped back towards you.

“Mhm… I made a whole batch yesterday” you nodded, not missing the way his eyes lit up with excitement. “But you don’t deserve them anymore”.

“You’re not serious”.

“Oh, but I am” you smiled cynically, turning your back to him as you made your way to the kitchen. “Just stay there, I won’t take long”.

“No way, I’m coming with you” he stated, already following hot on your heels. “Those are my favourites, I’m not leaving until I’ve tried them”.

You chuckled, feeling him stand behind you while you turned on the kettle. “I guess I’ve got no choice then, because I don’t have a spare bed for you to sleep on”.

“I can always just crash on your couch, but I would appreciate not having to and getting to try your cookies instead”.

You laughed wholeheartedly, gently shoving him towards the cabinet. “Just go grab a plate, you dork”.

Doing as told, he couldn’t help but steal a glance at you and feel his heart finally be at ease, now that a genuine smile was plastered on your face and your eyes were no longer reddened and tired like they were when he just arrived, but smiling and playful instead. All thanks to him.

And one hour later, when your red blanket was being shared and covering your legs as the two of you sat down on your sofa, and your head was hovering over his shoulder and lightly tapping on it every five seconds, given you were miserably fighting against dozing off while looking at the TV, Hyunjin wished he hadn’t tried your cookies at all, so he’d have an excuse to keep his threatening words and not leave until he did.

He hoped you wouldn’t bring up how late it was and make him leave just yet.

He hoped you would just fall asleep on his shoulder and let him enjoy your closeness for a little bit.

Most of all, he hoped one day he would be able to come over late at night —or at any given hour— just because, not only because you needed him to and because his sister wasn’t in Seoul; and you would deliberately rest your head on his shoulder when you felt your eyelids become too heavy, and he wouldn’t have to wake you up once it got too late and it was time for him to leave, because he wouldn’t have to leave.

But for now, he would let you sleep for as long as he could without falling asleep as well, which wouldn’t be hard, considering he didn’t feel a single pinch of sleepiness as he rejoiced in the coincidental warmth of your body against his.

And if you happened to realise how wide awake he was once you woke up, he would blame it all on the sugar rush he got from all the cookies he munched on while being too immersed in the series.

Using yet another small excuse to be close to you wouldn’t hurt.

tag list: @jehhskz @iknowyouknowminho @doohnut @saintcosette @lailac13 @kayleefriedchicken @rikibun @yongbokkiesworld @seungzsmin @beautifulcolorgarden @hyunetopia @velvetmoonlght @automaticpersonabatpaper @httpdwaekki @brinnalaine @wondering-out-loud @feelikecinderella @nujeskz @amarecerasus @liknws @nhyunn @midsoulz @tirena1 @tinyelfperson @thatonexcgirl @iovecb97 @hynier @phenomenalgirl9 @your-favorite-pirate @jin-from-the-block @yearofthetiger25 @quokkacidal @stayconnecteed @kwanisms @yoonguurt @143hyunes @iiriam @curlytxe @hyunlvrs @allyrarara @machaandlofi @mehli-00 @justiceforvillains @minhosprettywife @whats-my-question @armystay89 @jaiuneamesolitaiire @hyeon-yi @skzstannie @onlyhyunjin @shyshyshytwice @nicoleparadas @​broken-glowsticks @sweetbokji @linavc

[jamespotterismydaddy]

Drunken Promises

luke castellan x reader.

A/N: had a request for sub luke and mommy kink luke so i combined them hehe

WARNINGS: SMUT, mommy kink, subby luke, he whimpers y'all

WORD COUNT: 886 words

Liquor never makes anyone feel better. There’s no drowning sorrows when they only drown you. Luke knows that but he drank anyway. It’s a fun night, a party for the older campers around the fire but when everyone’s left for bed, there’s no more comfort. He sobs. It’s too much for him. Everything is too much, the quests, the fighting, the intrinsic desire for glory. It doesn’t matter if he dies if he goes out in flames.

He hears your footsteps before he sees you as you wander back to the campfire. It gives him time to wipe his eyes, the redness could easily be from his intoxication.

“Forgot my jacket.” You murmur as you grab it. He thinks that you’ll likely leave right away but is irritated when you sit down and stare into the fire. No more private breakdown for him.

“Hmm.” He acknowledges your words before getting up but he stumbles, tripping over nothing and falling at your feet.

“Someone’s had too much to drink.” You tease.

“Shut up.” He grumbles and tries to get up again but you just pull him into the seat next to you.

“Maybe you need a minute before you try to walk again.”

He rolls his eyes and rubs the dirt from his face, wincing when his knuckles run over his scar. The fall perhaps made it tender and it’s still a… fresh mark.

“Are you okay?” The look in your eyes is so kind and almost maternal. It makes him blush.

“Yeah.” He lies.

“You went through a lot, Luke.”

“Everyone here goes through shit.” He brushes off your sentiment.

“Doesn’t make your shit less important.” Your words are still a bit slurred but it’s like you’ve sobered up just to comfort him and you hand him your bottle of water. You put in the effort to take care of him… and it really makes him want to kiss you. He can’t decide if that’s pathetic or not.

“You’re so pretty.” He mumbles out, knowing he would never be able to say it in any other situation.

“You’re so drunk.” You giggle a bit.

“I’m not.” He opens up the water bottle and downs half of it to try and prove himself. “At least not much drunker than you.”

“Bullshit. You’re about to fall off your seat again.” You roll your eyes and stand up, planning to drag him back to his cabin.

He grabs your hand and pulls you into his lap. “I’m not.” You can see it in his eyes. If being sober means he has a chance, then he’ll force the liquor out of his blood with a thought.

“You’re in a very vulnerable state right now, Luke.” You say with a sigh.

“Please.” He begs, putting on the puppy dog eyes. “I just need you.”

“Poor thing. You would need any girl that came across you like this.” You try to get up but he holds your hips.

“No, I just want you, I swear it. There’s no other girl like you.” His needy hands run along your waist, savouring the feel of your skin. He at least seems genuine.

“You want me to take care of you?” You murmur and his pupils blow out with lust.

“So… s’badly.” He leans in as you lean back to tease for a moment until you finally allow him to catch your lips. 

There’s so much passion in the kiss, and desire. You can feel every last ounce of appreciation and desperation in it. He knows he’s never needed anything so much like he needs your touch right now. You can feel it as he bucks his hips into yours. You lose your shorts as he unzips his and when you sink down on him, it feels like he’s found heaven between your thighs. 

You start to bounce slowly in his lap.

“Oh, fuck…” He groans as he holds you so close to him, bucking his hips up pathetically to meet your movements.

“You’re doing so good for me… so good.” You squeeze around him purposefully when he’s fully inside.

“Mmm… mommy.” He whines out and his eyes immediately widen when he realizes what he just said. “I didn’t-I mean-”

“It’s okay, baby. Let mommy take care of you.” You start kissing his neck as you grind against him and he lets out continuous whimpers.

This is one of the first times Luke has let go of control and nothing has ever felt so damn good. With all stress in his life, it’s freeing to be treated in such a way.

“I’m gonna cum. Please let me cum.”

“I think you can do better than that.” You tease.

“Please, please, please. I need to cum so badly. Please, mommy.” He’s desperate and so polite so you allow him.

“Go ahead, baby.”

You squeeze a little more to encourage him and he finishes right inside your pulsing core, letting out more whines that you muffle with your mouth.

“You did so good.” You praise, running your fingers through his curls. He wishes he could stay like this with you forever.

“I did?” His eyes light up, almost every demi-god is a sucker for being told they’re worth something.

“Couldn’t have been closer to perfect.”

And perfect is what he’ll be if it means he gets you.

tglists (comment to be added): General: @valeskafics @urmomsgirlfriend1 @girlwith-thepearlearring @darylandbethfanforever9 @lovellies @juhdoche @papichulo120627 @watercolorskyy @ophelialaufey @aerangi @ravenclawprincess33

Luke Castellan: @amortencjja @urmomsbananabread @kissingyourgrl @vikimontethegirlblogger @maryann2013 @stark-head @remussbitch @ever8ea @batmandabest @jennapancake @junos-web @tanifsblog @stupidtween  @10ava01

[loveandleases]

Full Disclosure, I went through PAGES of tags to find the Pregnant-by-Chris!MC asks so I could revisit the angst, and it also got me wondering. How would the ROs react if MC ended up pregnant with their kid? And with regards to the F!ROs and trans ROs, how would they react if THEY got pregnant by MC? I'm down with this going in a fluffy or angsty direction, as you gathered from my search for the previous asks about it, so answer however you like!

Oh noo. I swear I'll get to work on the masterpost so you can find things easier, it's been a long time coming and I need to stop procrastinating. I feel like I did this ask before...but I'm not positive. So I'll do it again with how the RO's have developed. Below the cut~ (Tagged with pregnancy for those who don't want to read.)

❤️ Cam - Ec-fucking-static. At first. Cam would be so pleased because finally his own family. Not that MC and Em weren't already. He would give all of his love to his child, unlike what he got from his parents. Then there would be the problem. What if he's just like his parents? What if he's unable to love them the way they need or support them when they need it. MC would have to have an honest heart-to-heart with him.

💙 G - Very nervous at first. There are a lot of things to consider such as school and childbirth. Is their current living space even safe for a kid? And what if MC or G has more than one kid, it's possible. G would need a bit to kind of come to terms with it. Once they have, G is golden. They're happy and don't bother to try and hide behind their cool demeanor.

Now if ex-G/MC had gotten pregnant. It would be so painful for them, because would MC want to be in the picture or would MC allow them to be. If the breakup still happened and MC had gotten with Chris, G would fight with everything they have to see their child, or to give MC the chance to see them. (it's bittersweet)

💚 Kara - So she would be scared more than anything. Happy comes way later, once she's sure this is what she wants. Because for Kara, she doesn't really get to make her own decisions so much of her life is decided for her. If her first real big decision is having a kid, she's going to ace it. First off by having a chat with her parents (who would to overstep), then MC's parents. About what is allowed and isn't. The grandparents don't get to dictate the pregnancy, the childbirth, the child. If they want to be involved then they will be expected to abide by Kara and MC's wishes or be cut out. That simple. (She will buy too many baby clothes ahead of time, it will be a problem)

💛 M - What!? Excuse you, whose pregnant? With a baby? Like an actual human being? How did this happen!? (This is M's reaction regardless of whose pregnant. )MC has to remind shocked M how in fact that did happen. In which case M turns blood red and refuses to look at MC until they've calmed down.) M is going to go through 5 stages. 1 being shock, 2 being really shocked 3 understanding 4 go back and repeat step 1, 2 and 3. 5 acceptance. Leading them all the way to joy. M will take a good bit before they get through those steps, but when they do they're happy, nervous but happy. M isn't sure how to deal with kids. If they have one should they just go ahead and have another too? M will want to call their mothers' immediately. Get some info about raising a kid and what to expect. They will order far too many books about kids and what to expect when you're expecting. (take their computer for their own good)

💜 Isaac - They very well might have a breakdown, and it's not due to not wanting to have a kid with MC. It's more of knowing that you're not promised forever, as someone who lost their mother. Isaac is going to take it hard. Because she will never get to see her grandchild, and Isaac will never get to have that moment with her. Now onto how they feel outside of that, Isaac will struggle. Because they realize they have something else to lose, and to someone who is afraid of committing due to that it's not an easy situation to be in. They would need reassurance, that this is what MC wants. That they'll work hard, and together will do their best for their child. Isaac wants to be there for everything, every checkup, every milestone. All of it. Proudest parent ever.

🖤 Ardent - The amount of breeding jokes to be told : 14. The amount of tears shed: Over 50. Which he will deny with every breath. They're happy tears. Happy to have a family with MC, happy for his niece to have a cousin to navigate the world with. He is too happy, so cocky. Rubbing MC's belly, giving it so many kisses. He did that, him! Can you believe it? Not to mention, Cupid is going to have to take classes now. That's the first step, Cupid learning how to behave around babies. Ardent is very big into reading, he will overread though. Like MC is going to learn the nitty gritty just like he is. Oh, and they'll probably have to move if they're currently living in the apartments. To a place with an actual yard, the kind his parents had back in Greece. MC will be spoiled, because Ardent will cook every meal. He will ensure MC doesn't have to life a finger, or even Cupid if they feel like they can't. He would be a great dad, plus he has been saving up dad jokes. I apologize ahead of time.

[nvirskies]

til death do us part, and then some - c. la rue

warnings: reader suicide, angst hurt/no comfort, ruegard, asshole clarisse, descriptions of blood, infidelity, broken promises, not beta read

summary: clarisse never comes back from a quest and you take matters into your own hands to reunite.

unclaimed!fem!demigod!reader x unfaithful!clarisse la rue

word count: 2.1k

taglist: @lvrue @star-girl69 @petitegavotte @b0ok-lover @azrielsdiary

PROCEED WITH CAUTION, READ AT OWN RISK

men, nsfw, non-sapphic, 16-/19+ dni

Lord Dionysus, Chiron, or whomever may be reading this:

In the event that someone has been unfortunate enough to find this note upon my death, do not fret. This has been a decision I had been mulling over for weeks, months, if not years now. I do not know when I will feel compelled to take this step further, so this has been written entirely in advance. Know that I will be content with my life in the Fields of Asphodel, or the Gardens of Elysium should Lord Hades be so generous as to grant me that privilege.

I would like to thank everyone who did their best in making Camp Half-Blood a welcoming and home space. Special thanks to the Hermes cabin, and Lord Hermes for their gracious welcoming arms and making me feel like I belonged somewhere. My belongings should be distributed amongst whomever would like to keep them, and make sure they are put to good use.

Return any and all of Clarisse’s clothing found in my chest back to the Ares cabin, and let them figure out what to do with it on their own time. Lord Ares, I give my final thanks to you for graciously allowing your daughter to have been part of my life. 

To my fellow unclaimed demigods who are wondering if they should be mourning the loss of a sibling, I have no definitive answer for you beyond if you felt like you were close enough to call me a sibling, mourn me like you would a biological one. No matter if you are claimed tomorrow or never claimed at all, know you are not unworthy or inferior simply because of your divine parent’s lack of attention. 

You may be half-divine, but always remember to keep that human spark within you alive. Keep your compassion, your empathy, your sense of understanding. This world is not made for us, but never give up on creating spaces that are. We live heavy lives, and respite is hard to come by.

When you bury my body, put me to rest with my javelin, suit of armor, and the fragments of Clarisse’s shattered spear. Under my tongue, please place two coins instead of one. My love is waiting for me on the banks of the River Styx with no way across, and I would like to provide her with a way across alongside me. 

Underneath the last paragraph was your name, signed in neat print alongside your signature swooping cursive. The letter was found rolled neatly atop your chest of belongings, your lifeless body on the bunk bed you had claimed for yourself for the past four years of your life. Crimson blood seeped through the bed sheets and mattress, a fatal reminder for all of the fragility that even the strongest harbored. 

Upon the discovery of your body, ripples of whispers swept through the campers like a stone tossed in the midst of a serene waterfront. Your skin was just barely lukewarm, the blood streaming from the thin cut horizontal across the jugular vein was beginning to brown and oxidize. 

In one hand was the knife that had presumably made the cut, the blade pristine and glinting in the dim light save for the thin line of blood that ran across its edge. The other held Clarisse’s favorite shirt, all bundled up and cleaner than anyone had ever seen it before. Anyone who picked up said shirt could immediately tell that it had been doused in the cologne that she once wore on a daily basis, no doubt a purposeful move to make your last moments completely blissful in surrounding yourself with her scent.

She had been your home, after all.

Clarisse had comforted you through nightmares, the breakdowns about being unclaimed for years that happened whenever someone new was claimed and the jealousy and anger of it all. 

She had reassured you that even after Silena had died that you weren’t a rebound, and that her feelings for you were genuine, and you had believed her. 

You were her girl, after all. The one she let her walls down around, the one who had tried to patch together the spear her father had given her even after the Hephaestus children had given up. The one who she let braid her hair and be soft around. The one where she had promised over and over again that even in the afterlife, you would find each other in Elysium again.

Then, she had been sent out on a quest. One that she had vowed to return from, safe and sound. The rest of her group did, but her face was never again seen on the hills of Camp Half-Blood that the two of you called home. 

Gone were the moments wherein she would hold you and soothe all of your worries away. Gone were the times of squealing as she picked you up from behind and spun you around to face her mid-air. Gone were all the possibilities to make the most of your limited years together, because she was dead, off in a faraway land that you couldn’t even visit to see her corpse and offer her one last smile.

That was when the thoughts began to swirl in your mind. Months went by and everything seemed to go back to normal. You had been given three weeks off training to mourn, and after those three weeks you seemingly bounced back like nothing was wrong, like you hadn’t just lost the love of your life. 

The only difference was the streak of white that made itself apparent in your hair, its origins unknown, and the smile on your face that never seemed to quite reach your eyes no matter how many times you tried to convince (yourself) and the others that it was genuine. 

Months passed and all fell back into its routine. Things were looking up for the camp as a whole, and Chiron had been able to take a few steps back in managing thanks to Percy Jackson’s continued efforts to have gods and goddesses interact with their children more. 

But those thoughts still took root in your mind, their tendrils digging into the very essence of your psyche as every lonely moment was spent longing for her touch, for her warmth, for the security that she provided once upon a time. In your mind, there was no doubt that it was time to make good on your promise to each other. 

You would meet her in the gardens of Elysium and reunite once more.

After your burial, you made your way down to the banks of the River Styx, anxiously clutching the two coins in one hand and your javelin in the other. Your eyes scanned the crowds of souls, all clamoring to Charon, pleading that he take pity on them and take them across without payment.

The wails of the damned, sobs of the innocent, and screams of the guilty all flooded your senses. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted a familiar mess of brown curls and sprinted towards them, your footsteps leaving indents on the ash-sand lining the waterline of the Styx.

She was there. Your assumptions had been correct. 

As she had died out in the world and had never been given a proper burial, she had joined the crowd that lingered just at the edge of the Styx, taking every chance she had to try and get across. 

But now that you were there, she didn’t have to worry about sneaking aboard Charon’s boat. You had enough payment for the both of you to make it across safely, and finally live out the rest of your afterlives like you had promised each other.

It wasn’t until you were naught but a couple dozen feet away that you noticed she was rather busy with something. Or rather, someone. And she was looking at that person like they were the only one in the world right now. Your gut twisted, knowing that was the look that she had given you. 

But it wasn’t you she was looking at. It was Silena Beauregard, the daughter of Aphrodite, that Clarisse had spent countless hours reassuring you that she wasn’t just using you as a rebound to get over her death.

She had lied right through her teeth, all with the kindest smile on her face that you could imagine. It was becoming apparent that you were a fool, strung along for the sole purpose of keeping Clarisse’s arms full and warm while she thought of the Beauregard girl. 

Every kiss, every moment, every word shared between you two seemed hollow now. They had lost all meaning, all of the sentiment that once made your stomach fill with butterflies. 

You skidded to a stop just behind the pair, watching with a heavy heart and tightening in your chest as their lips collided over and over again in a series of passionate kisses, their hands roaming each others’ bodies. Just like she had done with you, countless times prior. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice your presence.

You had always been hers, but she had never been yours. 

There wasn’t much emotion left in you besides melancholic resignation, and your gut twisted every time you gripped the two coins in your hand, a reminder that they would never be used for their intended purpose. 

You waited there for a moment before tapping on Clarisse’s shoulder, causing her to break away from the kiss and turn to look at you. Surprise filled her features, then guilt. Overwhelming guilt as she realized the situation you had caught her in. Her lips were interlocked with another girl’s just a moment ago, the very same girl that she had reassured was not a problem or factor in your relationship.

Silena stood behind her, her eyes scrutinizing your appearance, taking note of the way you clutched two coins instead of the customary one. 

“Love-? What are you doing here?” Clarisse asked, the term of endearment slipping naturally off her tongue as it had countless times in the past. But it no longer held any meaning to you, not when you had just witnessed everything before your very own eyes. You didn’t respond beyond throwing the two coins down at her feet with a knowing look, a silent callback to the promise that the two of you had made. The coins clinked softly as they fell onto the fine ash that lines the shores of the River Styx, falling on top of each other.

Horror filled her features as she realized just exactly what you were doing down in the Underworld, and her eyes fell upon the thin scar that ran just along the jugular vein on your neck.

The one spot she had taught you to go for on an opponent if anything ever threatened your life, and you had used it on yourself to have a chance at forever with her. A chance that had been wasted.

“You- you didn’t-” she began, choking on her own words as tears filled her eyes at the thought of it, and the sight of you, now in front of her, very obviously dead. 

“It was for you, ‘Risse, but it seems I really was just a rebound after all.” You spat out, a dangerously bitter edge to your voice as you looked her up and down. 

“These,” you gestured to the coins on the ground, “were supposed to be for us, for the promise you made. But I guess I was the one foolish enough to listen to you, to fall for you in the first place.”

“Enjoy your time in Elysium, La Rue, and know that you were the cause of my death. Don’t forget. On the River Styx.” 

That last statement was the final nail in her metaphorical coffin. No one made a promise on the infamous river and broke it, not without terrible consequences. Any and all chances of her getting into the paradisal side of the Underworld were dashed in mere moments as the realization dawned on her about the gravity of her mistake. 

You bent down and picked up one of the coins on the ground and left without a word, turning on your heel and disappearing back into the crowd of souls before Clarisse could utter another word. 

You had left her with two choices by giving her that one coin: to take the coin for herself and cross with Charon with hopes of trying to win you back and leaving the Aphrodite girl in the dust, or giving it to Silena and letting her go because she was clearly the girl the daughter of Ares loved most. Either way, she lost something.

Her last name was right. You rued the day you ever met Clarisse.

[readychilledwine]

A Father's Love

Summary - Eris comforts his pregnant mate after a small breakdown. Eris x pregnant!reader

Warnings - pregnancy and mental health

A/N - This isn't something I've previewed, but I had to use some of the things my baby daddy said to me in a drabble (because oof my heart exploded) and it felt nice to have an outlet for the icky pregnancy guilt and worries Im dealing with. Hopefully, you all melt at this, too..

ps- I'm thinking about adding a dad drabble series masterlist to my page. Let me know if you'd like that.

Word count - 550

Eris held your hand from across the table, the calloused pad of his thumb dancing across and between your knuckles as you cried.

"No one said it would be this hard," another round of sobbing shook your shoulders. "No one said we would ride this high and reality would hurt when it crashed." Eris just nodded. Staying silent and allowing you to vent while those amber eyes softened in love and concern.

You rose your shaking free hand, wiping the warm tears from your face. "And then to top it all off, I'm so selfish right now I did not even notice you were worried or a shift in your emotions. I didn't even feel it through the bond-"

"Stop." Eris demanded. His tone was still gentle, but he was firm, his face now set in a serious line. "Do not even concern yourself for a moment with my feelings or needs right now. We are talking about you."

"That's the problem, the past 8 months have been about me and what I want, what I need, what the I'll need after birth, what baby will need. What about you, Eris? When do we discuss what you need?"

He moved to you, then, feet guiding him gracefully across the floor as he placed your hands on his warm chest. You could feel his heartbeat, pacing in its soft rhythm, and it calmed you enough to bring you back from the tipping point you were approaching. "I am not the one whose body is constantly changing," he began. "I am not the one who is about to have to change my diet, my habits, and ignore my wants for the next year to feed our child." 

He leaned in kissing your forehead. "I am not the one who asked to wait a few more years then had to cry alone for several weeks until I was ready to talk about how our protection failed. I am not the one sacrificing so much. You are, my love. We will talk about me and my needs when they matter."

He smiled softly. "Besides, I picked her name. I picked her coming home outfit. I picked her nursery colors, her first stuffie, her toy room theme. If my opinion was given, you immediately compromised or switched plans." His hand went down to your swollen stomach. "You didn't even allow anyone else to feel her until you ensured I did first."

You still sniffled. "But aren't you mad?"

Eris looked slightly taken back, two fingers coming to tilt your fallen chin up and ensure you held eye contact with him. "You are growing my legacy, our child. How could I be mad at you for being in pain, tired, or crying? There's no words I can say to express how blessed and grateful I am." Your jaw trembled as he leaned in and kissed you. "Do you understand?" You nodded, and he stared at your stomach, waiting. "Someone needs her mommy to take a few deep breaths, drink a hot chocolate, and have a snack." Eris moved, instantly over to the cabinet you two had been hiding your cravings in and pulled out your box of chocolates. "Let's go be lazy, read in bed, and eat these." He held a hand to you, waiting for you to take it and smiled widely when you did. "There's my girl. Now, regular hot chocolate or fancy hot chocolate?"

You sniffled again, significantly more calm this time as he led you into your shared bed chambers. "Fancy."

He smiled again, kissing your forehead, then your nose. "Get changed, get comfy. I'll be back with hot chocolate smothered in marshmallows and whipped cream."

[wosoragebaiter69]

but i didn't did pour the whiskey

barça femeni x reader

overview: they said getting over addiction wasn't easy, what about when no one knows? what about when relapse happens after a whole year?

A/N: my requests are sitting... but I can't get to them and im really sorry, ive been so busy atm and dont got much modivation for em'

TW: alcohol addiction, self-hatred, relapse, course language, actual detail instead of me brushing over it

!! viewer discretion is advised, i suggest only mature audiences read this !!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In all honesty, you'd seen the signs. You'd known the inevitable was coming. The feelings of urge that you'd felt a year ago when trying to stop. You had stopped though, so you ignored it. Then it became more real. To the blank stares at the crates in the stores, rather than the hatred you harboured before after finally being ‘better’.

To walking and judging if you should buy it or not.

To blinking tears out of your eyes, wondering why you'd think that in the first place.

Because why would you, you were better now. Right? That's what you'd told yourself anyways.

It kept amplifying over the course of a week. Until you couldn't take it, until everything you'd worked so hard for for the past year came crashing down. All those memories of countless nights pacing, crying, yelling over a stupid fucking substance fade away.

Guilt. That's all there is. Guilt.

Guilt for betraying your past self who had cried for hours, who felt like she was going psycho over not having a single drink.

But, you can't find it in yourself to stop drinking it. It's just one beer, how harmful could it be? Said by the words of a true fucking alcoholic.

So, you do the only thing you can think of and cry. Cry until your face is numb, your throat burning with every breath, cry until your lungs can't take in any oxygen anymore.

Cry until you feel like you've felt something.

Then when you did stop crying what did you do? The only option you thought you had. Drink more.

- - - - -

You knew you looked like shit, you felt like it too. Your face puffy from the numerous breakdowns the night before, your eyes red from the tears that had an endless flow, dark rings under your eyes from the restless 3 hour sleep you'd got.

Also not to mention the headache you'd acquired. Knowing that only last year if you'd drunk this much, you'd only start to feel something. That's not something to be proud of.

You try your hardest to make yourself look even the slightest bit presentable, getting rid of the puffy face with a shower and taking paracetamol to take away the ache in your skull.

This would do enough to convince them you were fine, it's not like you were the loudest or most obnoxious person on the team. Preferring to observe everything with a smile.

What you didn't consider? Your captains. You're only 22 so even if you're techincally an adult, they're still over 7 years older than you.

So you walk into the lockeroom for training, silently making your way to your cubby as usual. Until, you feel a tug on your sleeve. Alexia is standing there, worry etched into her features.

"You ok? It looks like you've barely slept." Her voice is low and quiet, something you were eternally grateful for.

"Yeah, just a rough night. Thanks capi." You don't lie, but you don't tell the full truth either. She can sense this but doesn't say anymore, allowing you to go back to getting ready.

You take the time to rethink of the previous night, the regret you'd felt immediately after taking the first sip. But, the feeling of being unable to stop.

No matter how much you'd told yourself it was nothing, you know this isn't the end.

You push the thoughts away, clearing your mind of any thoughts before walking out onto the field ready for training.

- - - - -

It was the same people you saw watching you; Alexia, Marta and Mapi. It wasn't every second but enough to showcase they knew something was wrong but just didn't know what.

You had joined in the summer from your old club in Italy. No one knew of the past you'd had with alcohol. It's not like you made an effort to tell them either, they respected your choices not to drink when going out and you didn't need to bring up topics that were from before even moving to Barcelona.

Maybe if they knew, you'd have someone to confide it.

Somehow you'd managed to hide it from your old team as well, but considering the close relationships that Barcelona had with each other you doubted it would be shrugged off as easily.

When training was finally over, you were quick to slip away. As the thoughts and need of what caused you in this melancholic state start to reappear in your mind.

Not now, why after so long did you have to collapse now? When the peak of your career could potentially be around the corner.

You want to survive like a normal person, you want to be able to do things without relying on a fucked up liquid. Why did it have to be you?

And why?

Why is the only thing you can think of to soothe these thoughts, alcohol?

- - - - -

You stare blankly at the open carton, hesitation as you ponder if you should give in or not. Should you drink it? Part of your mind says yes, part of you yearns for it. The rational side says no, and to stop before it's too late.

But wasn't it already?

So you give in. The burning down your throat a painfully familar comfortality.

In a depressing way it makes you more aware of your surroundings, the beer bottles scattered in the room. Liquid all over the floor and on your things. It bothers you, but you can't bring yourself to clean it.

So you sulk, going over past memories. You'd never considered yourself a sad drunk, always being happier and finding a way to goof about while drinking. Then, very rarely toward the end of recovery getting angry. Never sad though.

Times change, people change. You thought you'd changed, but that kind of addiction? It never seemed to leave. Waiting until you're vulnerable to attack. Like an incurable disease.

Before you really comprehend it, the whole box of beers you'd bought yesterday are empty and strown across the floor.

You reach a point of feeling nothing, a numbing feeling brought by guilt, the alcohol making everything seem hazy. Your phone is ringing, but you can't bring yourself to answer. You can't bring yourself to care.

- - - - -

Knocking at your door brings you out of the limboed state you're in. You figure they'll leave soon, and the knocking stops after a minute. Until the door opens revealing the three who had been watching you in the morning.

Alexia is the first to you, the others take in the state of your apartment and walk around elsewhere.

"Hey." It's all she says, but enough for tears to fall from your eyes. You can't bare to look at her face, so you keep your eyes glued to the floor.

"Come on, look at me." She uses her hands to guide your chin so you're looking straight at her.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me." She pauses, "Let's sober you up first." You don't argue, and follow her orders. Exhausted, you pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow.

- - - - -

Waking up was easier than you'd thought it would be, your head not pounding as much as in the morning. It made sense though considering you'd drank less than the night before. There were pills on the side table with a glass of water which you take easily.

The sun is setting so you must have slept for a couple of hours by this point. When you walk into the living room you notice all the rubbish gone, the floors are clean and there's no reminisince of beer anywhere. Alexia, Marta and Mapi are talking quietly amongst themselves and look up once they realise you're awake.

"Come, sit." Mapi pats next to her. You nod silently walking over.

"Would you mind explaining to us what happened? I know you’ve said before don't drink, so this is very new. If you don't want to talk that's also fine but I don't want to see you hurt." Alexia says, she doesn't pry but she does make her point known.

"Ok, but please can you do no talking while I explain? I'm not sure how much I can take if I don't explain it all in one." You're not sure why you opened up so easily, maybe because you desperately craved for someone. Anyone.

"Last year, I was an alcoholic and I can't tell you really when it started. It was to take all the weight and pressure off my shoulders originally, but it turned worse. I just kept drinking regularly and when I tried to settledown, I realised I couldn't. So I didn't stop. It worked for me."

"Then as the season moved on I realised I did desperately need to do something about it but I was just so scared of what people would say to me. How would they react?"

“So instead of getting proper help I did it myself.”

"I got rid of all traces, didn't go out as much. It was horrible. I thought I was going crazy. I wasn't ok at all. I'd obviously relapsed a couple times when trying by myself to recover but it gave me more determination. I'd say it took like 3 months before I truly felt like I was clean."

"Then, I'd had the oppurtunity to play here and it's like everything went away. I should've known better." You sigh.

"Known what? Did you know you were going to relapse again?" Marta asks carefully.

"I saw the signs but ignored them, when I did give in... all I felt was regret, I still do. I think that's why I drank the rest if I'm going to be honest." You look away, not daring to look at any of them.

A pair of arms engulf you, large hands pushing your head to the persons chest.

"Listen to me, we can help you. You won't ever have to do this alone, not while I'm here ok? I don't know much about this, but I'll try. We all will." You start sobbing into her chest, clinging your fists tightly into her shirt. A way to thank them without words.

Because the belief they had in you made you feel like you could do it. Even in these drowning times.

—————————————————————————

i hope you enjoyed fic, this may not be accurate to everyone but this is my experience with battling addiction to alcohol and i write it because i too relapsed after a year recently

this was more for also for awareness and just know that you aren’t alone in anything, if you feel you need someone to talk to i’m always here :)

[heavcnslyre]

chapter four — j.f. ( masterlist )

OUT OF THE WOODS.

“when you started crying, baby, i did too,

but when the sun came up, i was looking at you.”

taglist: @jellybassett @glowingtree @always-reading (comment or message me to join!)

susannah and laurel are asleep when the five of you get inside. belly immediately trudges up the stairs, not looking at any of you as she gets to her bedroom and closes the door. conrad for a second looks like he might follow her, but he decides against it, wandering into the kitchen. in the dim light, you almost make out a few bruises on his face. it makes you wonder what you missed that night during your own little breakdown. jeremiah slings an arm around your shoulder. “let’s get you to bed.”

“you got her?” steven asks him gently. jeremiah nods, but before you leave, steven pulls you into a quick hug. “i don’t know what happened, but i hope everything’s okay.”

you nod and hug him tightly. “thank you steven. i love you. goodnight.”

“i love you too,” he says. “goodnight (y/n). talk to me tomorrow, okay?”

you nod at him and jeremiah puts his arm around you again, leading you up the stairs. you still could not quite walk straight, both from the alcohol and the sobbing. he leads you into your bedroom, and as soon as you’re there, you sit on the edge of your bed and stare forward. “jere?”

“yeah?” he replies quietly, looking in your dresser drawers for pajamas. you blink back tears.

“is there something wrong with me?”

he stops what he was doing and immediately turns to you. you don’t look at him. “what?”

“is there something wrong with me?” you repeat. “something that pushes people away?”

jeremiah kneels in front of you, grabbing your hand gently. “(y/n), what happened tonight?”

you’re about to answer but are cut off by a rush of tears again. you shake your head and grab your phone, pulling up the video that you had seen earlier. he watches it closely.

“is that peter?” you nod. “who’s the girl…oh, shit. it’s cassie, isn’t it?” you nod again, burying your face in your hands as you cry. you weren’t a huge crier like this usually. you wonder if it’s the alcohol making you more sensitive. you also have never been cheated on before, at least not like this. you aren’t sure how you’d react in any other setting. jeremiah lets out a heavy sigh before turning off your phone and placing it on your dresser across the room. then, he sits down on the bed next to you and wraps his arms around you, allowing you to sling your legs over his and put your arms around his waist as you cry on his shoulder. he rubs circles in your back gently as you cry, definitely getting makeup all over his shirt, which you’re pretty sure is a new shirt. the thought of that, somehow, makes you cry harder. “i’m sorry jere.”

“shh,” he shushes you. “it’s okay. i’ve got you. you have nothing to be sorry for.”

jeremiah holds you for a while longer as your tears turn into sniffles. his hand is running through your hair, brushing it out of your face the best he could. as you pull your head off of his shoulder, he smiles at you and wipes some of the mascara off of your cheeks.

“hey, you’re too pretty to be crying like this.”

you laugh and pull further away from him so you’re sitting side by side. “you’re cheesy.”

“i meant it,” he says, a serious expression on his face. “you’re too good for him, okay? and cassie…who knows what she was thinking. but you’re too good for her friendship, too. you’ve got us. you’re going to be okay.”

you smile at him weakly. “i know. i don’t know what i would do without you,” you look down and study your hands. “i’m sorry for yelling at you. and getting so drunk. and making you play babysitter. you’re supposed to be having fun too.”

“spending time with you is fun,” he says. you bump his shoulder with yours weakly.

“stop being cheesy,” you both smile and sit in silence for a moment. he grabs your hand gently and squeezes it once before standing up.

“c’mon. let’s get you ready for bed.”

the next morning, you wake up with a pounding headache. you groan at the incoming sunlight from your windows, a sight that you usually adored in the mornings, but could not stand today. as you stand up to close the shades, you look on the floor by your bed and see a pillow and one of jeremiah’s blankets laid on the floor. he had slept in here last night. a rush of emotion runs through your body as you remember everything from last night. the bonfire, the text, jeremiah… it was a lot. and you were so embarrassed. you can’t believe that you ruined everyone else’s night with your meltdown. especially jeremiah’s. he was too good to you, that was for sure. you quickly close the window shades and slump back into your bed. as you’re deciding whether to get up or to just die there, you hear a soft knock on the door.

“come in,” you call out, your face buried in your pillow. you hear soft footsteps before feeling the covers lifted up beside you and someone slip into your bed. you look up and see belly laying there, studying you. “you okay?” you ask her. she nods.

“are you?”

you groan and bury your face back into your pillow. “no. i’m going to die.”

she laughs lightly and pulls your hair from your face and begins to braid it. “you’re not going to die. that’s just the hangover. jere’s making you some hangover goop smoothie. says it’s supposed to help.”

“lovely,” you say sarcastically and belly snorts. jeremiah always had the weirdest, healthiest recipes, the kind of stuff that you knew was good for you but it made you gag just from the scent. you never had a hangover this bad before, so you had never tried this specific recipe. you really hoped it would work.

“(y/n)?” belly says quietly after a few moments of silence as she ties the braid in your hair.

“hm?”

“what happened with peter?”

you roll over to face her. “oh. yeah.”

“you don’t have to tell me,” she says. “steven just mentioned that something had happened and i figured maybe you wanted to talk about it.”

“thanks bells,” you smile weakly at her. as you do, you look closer at her face and your eyes widen. “your cheek is bruised.”

her hand shoots up to touch her cheek. she smiles sheepishly. “oh. yeah.” she mimics you.

“what happened?”

belly shakes her head. “you first.”

you sigh and begin to explain the story of your night to her. how you didn’t get a text from peter all day until you were at the bonfire, how he sent you the video of him and cassie ‘on accident’, how you got super drunk to try to ignore it, how jeremiah had helped you through all of it. belly looks shocked by the end of your story and shakes her head, a look of sympathy on her face.

“oh (y/n) i’m sorry. i really thought he was a good one,” she says and you shrug. “and cassie! i mean, why would she ever do that to you?!”

“i dunno,” you admit. “i guess i don’t care to find out.”

“you don’t?”

“nah. they don’t deserve my time, right? better to just move on and never show weakness.”

belly sighs. “i guess… but, you’re allowed to be sad. she’s been your best friend forever. and you really liked peter. just, don’t dismiss your own feelings. let yourself cry it out and then figure out the rest later.”

“you’re right,” you nod. “as always.”

she giggles and you rest your head on her shoulder. a few moments later, there’s another knock at your door, and steven peaks his head in. “can i come in?”

you pat an empty spot on the edge of the bed and he sits down, facing you and belly. “you guys okay?”

you nod, then look up at belly. she nods too. steven faces you. “i can kill peter if you want me to.”

“jeremiah’s got a big mouth,” you joke. they both nod in agreement.

“you could say that again,” belly says.

“we were all just worried about you,” steven admits. “and you, belly. you took a pretty nasty hit. you can’t step into a fight like that.”

you lift your head quickly (which caused some extreme nausea) and face belly. “belly?! what happened?!”

she sighs. “conrad got in a fight with some guy. i tried to help separate it and got an elbow to the face.”

“oh, shit,” you say gently, examining the bruise on her cheek. “you gotta be more careful.”

“i know,” she says. “i just didn’t think about it.”

you sigh and rest your head on her shoulder again, looking back at steven. “well, how was your night steven?”

he shrugs. “until the cops came, i had a great night. i hung out with shayla, she’s really cool.”

“yeah she is,” you giggle. “you know she’s gonna be a deb?”

“a deb?” he looks at you in shock. “i completely forgot that was a thing.”

“i’m gonna be a deb too, you know,” belly chimes in. steven shrugs.

“yeah, but you’re my sister. that’s not really my concern, is it? i gotta worry about the girl i like being a deb. what if she asks someone else to be her escort? oh god, what if she asks me?!” he stands up quickly, shaking his head. “i gotta go. i’m glad you guys are okay. i gotta go.”

you and belly watch as he leaves in panic and burst out into laughter. “oh my god he is so dramatic.”

you nod. “yeah he is.”

belly stands up from your bed and stretches, extending a hand out to help you up. “c’mon. let’s go investigate what jere’s making you. maybe it’ll really make you feel better.”

you follow her downstairs, your headache getting worse the more time you spend upright. it takes everything in you not to retreat back up to your bed to lay there forever. instead, you enter the kitchen behind belly and are hit with the smell of pancakes.

“there she is!” jeremiah exclaims, a wide grin on his face as he spots you. he spins around, grabbing a cup of green smoothie — maybe? — and hands it to you. “my special recipe. will kill any sign of a hangover that you have. and pancakes on the griddle, if you’re up for them!”

you take the cup graciously and smile at his energy. “thank you, jere. i’ll let you know after i drink…this.”

he nods, smile still on his face as he turns back to his pancakes. “belly, you want some pancakes?”

“yes please,” she says, walking past the two of you, her eyes lingering on conrad, who was laying on the couch, his arm over his eyes. he also had a cup of green-smoothie-thing, but it sat untouched on the coffee table. jeremiah follows her gaze and scoffs.

“he’s ridiculous. if he would just drink the juice, he would feel so much better.”

you look at your own cup in your hand. “so…juice, is what you’re calling this?”

jeremiah laughs and gently ruffles your hair. “it may not look great, but i swear by it. drink it, (y/n). you’ll feel better!”

“whatever you say,” you take a small sip of the beverage. to your surprise, it really was not terrible. it had hints of almost every vegetable and fruit you could think of, but somehow, it all went well together. you raise your eyebrows at jeremiah. “this is actually pretty good.”

“told ya!” he exclaims, flipping a pancake off of the griddle then reaching to turn it off. “alright ladies, pancakes right here. i gotta get to work, so enjoy these, please. don’t want them to go to waste!”

jeremiah grins at you then drops his voice, placing a hand gently on your arm. “you doing okay?”

you look up at him. “i’m okay. thank you, for everything. really. i would be lost without you.”

he shakes his head and rubs your arm gently. “you don’t have to thank me. just giving you the treatment you deserve.”

the two of you stare into each others eyes for just a moment, but to you that moment felt like forever. he had no idea the effect he had on you. he had no idea how desperately you wanted to be held by him again, how desperately you wanted to just kiss him so deeply with all of the feelings you’ve been suppressing for the past five years of your life. he would likely never know how you truly felt for him, and the thought of that made you sick all over again. it was not a good idea to keep thinking of him like that. it wasn’t good for your head or your heart. if anything were to happen, it would have happened by now. and after everything that just happened with peter, you weren’t sure you would be ready for anything for a long time. not that you had to be. not like he gave you reason to be…right?

“alright well,” he says, breaking the moment the two of you were sharing. “i’ll see you after work. drink that whole thing, plenty of water, and do some yoga or something. you’ll feel so much better.”

“okay.”

jeremiah gives you one last smile before he leaves. once he’s out the door, you turn to look at belly, who was staring at you, a pancake in her hand. “saw that.”

“saw what?” you ask. she gives you a knowing smile.

“(y/n), you are so blind. drink your juice.”

[orionremastered]

Ok but just imagine :

Surgeon!Damian Wayne and Surgical intern/resident!reader. Or the reader could be an attending idk? But it’s so enemies to lovers coded! The tension??!???!!!!! Damian is the scary attending and the reader doesn’t dower like the rest? Or the reader is sunshine and the complete opposite of Damian’s personality. It’s a very scrambled idea but I just thought you might like to work with it?

Enemies to lovers? sign me tf up

Also, istg I had no idea what a surgical resident was before this. For those who don't know, they spend about five-ish years in a hospital and are usually under direct supervision of a more senior resident or an attending surgeon, attending for short.

Masterlist

Surgeon!Damian Wayne x Surgical Resident!reader

Part One, Part Two

You’re not stressed, you’re just… very close to breaking down. Or breaking a law. Or breaking someone’s nose “accidentally”. Or breaking… it didn’t matter what you broke, you just needed to break it.

Two years in to your internship at Gotham General hospital and you couldn’t be more of a wreck. In the bathroom stall no less- getting yelled at by the chief resident after not knowing what some extremely rare condition was (he didn’t even know it himself) and getting called one or two slurs by a senior resident wasn’t something you were used to and yet you knew it was normal.

Taking in a deep breath, you exit the stall and wash your hands and face before making your way to the OR, muttering positive phrases in your mind that were not helping at all.

With one more nod to yourself for reassurance, you open the door and are immediately greeted by the one face you didn’t want to see.

Dr. Wayne had a very prominent reputation for being less than friendly, for giving any resident- no matter how experienced- mental breakdowns and most importantly for being one of the best cardiac surgeons in Gotham. You exchange a nervous glance with another second-year resident, but only for as long as you dared.

Somehow, you were walking on eggshells without even taking a step.

The patient required a maze procedure, where the surgeon creates a pattern of scar tissue that allows the heart’s rhythm to return to normal.

You try sneaking a glance or two to the attending surgeon, but he glares back at you in warning before you can deduce his mood. Although that was probably a good tell.

The patient finally drifts off to sleep, you shift your attention right back to the attending as he begins the procedure with an incision on the patient’s chest.

Two hours later and maybe a bit too much yelling, the surgery was complete. The other residents begin leaving, but Dr. Wayne stays. You’re about to leave too when a low voice fills the silent space.

“That was the District Attorney,” Dr. Wayne says, and you pause all thought. You did everything right, didn’t you? You didn’t really do much, honestly, but what you did was correct, right? “And I can’t have a day-one intern screw up and jeopardize his health. He’s had a heart surgery before.”

“Do you want me to-”

“Yes,” he snaps.

“What do I tell the-”

“Chief resident? Tell him it’s not his problem.”

You nod and awkwardly leave the OR as fast as possible, not risking another moment in the same room as the man who is known for biting people’s heads off. Not literally.

You hope.

Not wanting to take any chances with the attending surgeon, you manage to find a space just near the DA’s ward that allows you to do paperwork while also being able to easily see the patient every five or ten minutes.

It went on like this for an hour and a half without problem and a snack in between before you exited the DA’s ward yet again, only this time loud and angry steps echoed through the hallway.

Your head whips around and your heart immediately drops to your feet. Your blood runs cold as the chief resident storms down the hall, eyes deadset on you.

You open the door to his office and politely gesture for him to walk inside. The chief resident, Langley, stops, glares and despite his temper, he agrees. You follow him in and swallow nervously, heart pounding in your ears.

“Before you get mad-”

“I already am mad,” Langley seethes, slamming his meaty hand on the small desk. “You abandoned all of your duties to- to what, to suck up to the District Attorney?”

“No sir-”

“Other patients need care and we’re already short on staff without some fucking idiot thinking that they can do whatever the fuck they want-”

“Dr. Wayne specifically requested me to do post-operation patient care-”

Your voices had risen to the point of shouting. You wouldn’t be surprised if the DA could hear it or even the other staff in the nearby wards and hallways.

“He doesn’t need a FUCKING NANNY.” the chief resident cried, and in one swift movement, he grabs a binder and slams it into the side of your face. “And who gives a fuck what that stuck-up WAYNE SURGEON wants?”

“Who gives a fuck on what I want?” a calmer, lower and yet far more terrifying voice states behind you. The hairs on the back of your neck raise and Langley’s eyes go wide. “Certainly not you. And here’s the thing, Langley,” the surgeon moves you aside in the already crowded space, more gently than you expected as he steps towards the chief resident, broad shoulders blocking your view, “that’s a problem. I could have your future ruined with a simple phone call or complaint and you decide to simply not respect authority?”

“That bitch-”

“Did exactly what I wanted her to,” Dr. Wayne replies in the same condescending tone. “Maybe you could learn a thing or two.”

Silence, apart from Langley’s ragged breathing. The ear that was hit rings loudly and when you softly touch you cheek, you can feel a bruise forming.

“You won’t apologize? That’s fine,” the surgeon says with an innocent shrug. “Consider your career gone.”

You certainly weren’t expecting that, and neither did Langley. He sputters in an attempt to right the course of a train that’s already fallen off the cliff, his eyes no doubt as wide as his steadily shrinking ego.

Was Dr. Wayne serious? You were confident that he could ruin someone’s career in a single phone call- he’s the best cardiac surgeon in the state, maybe even the country, and a Wayne, for crying out loud- but would he really just ruin someone’s career so quickly?

“You can show yourself out, by the way.” The surgeon raises an arm in a mocking gesture, beckoning the chief resident to leave and never return. “Security can, too.”

With no options left, Langley huffs and pushes past Dr. Wayne. You can still hear his angry footsteps, like a stampede of bison, as he storms down the hall.

“Thank you,” you murmur to the surgeon as he slowly turns around, inspecting the blow you took by carefully holding your chin and jaw in his large hands. You couldn’t tell if your heart was beating faster when Langley started ripping into you or right now, in this very moment, when you’re forced to stare in to green eyes so close you can make out every speck of dark gold within them.

“Don’t worry about it.” You swear on God’s good graces that the man smiled, just a twitch of his lips. “And please, call me Damian.”

With that, he lets go of your jaw and exits your makeshift office, leaving you flustered and confused.

He wanted you to call him by his first name?

[thicctails]

@thundersteel this one's for you~ Thanks for giving me an excuse to blabber 'bout this au! This post really got away from me lol, kinda becoming a mini fic for a while there.

So, the catalyst for I Grow Maddened (with grief) happens between The Last Mabelcorn and Dipper and Mabel vs The Future, with the twins dying before the Rift gets broken by Bill. Ford captures the creature (not sure what exactly it will be yet, but something with large claws for sure) likely while they're gone on the road trip, and it escapes and attacks Stan, Dipper, Mabel and Soos while he is down in his lab trying to figure out what to do about the Rift.

He only realizes something is wrong when Stan barges in, holding his bleeding stomach and screaming for Ford to come and help. Any anger at being disturbed by his brother is immediately drowned out when Stan collapses, clearly very hurt. His multiverse survival skills get him upstairs in record time, but he's too late: the damage has already been done. Soos is knocked unconscious and the twins are sprawled unmoving on the blood-soaked floor. The creature takes advantage of his shock and manages to catch his right eye with two of its claws before Ford recovers and manages to kill it. He tries everything to save Dipper and Mabel, but their injuries are too severe.

Ford panics when he realizes what's happened, knowing that losing the twins will kill Stan. They are his brother's closest family members, and Ford has just allowed his work to kill them. When Stan finds out, Ford knows that whatever fractured bond they have now will shatter irreparably.

Which is why Stan can not find out.

That absolute truth kickstarts Ford to action, running on autopilot while his mind tries to force what he has just seen into a little box to unpack later. He rushed back down to his lab and finds Stan slumped over, bloodied almost as much as the kids were, yet still breathing. Stan rolled the dice and landed a saving throw, it seems.

Years of living in monster-filled Gravity Falls and even more years spent being a multidimension-hopping criminal has left Ford with incredible first aid skills, and he manages to get Stan to a state where he wont, you know, die when Ford moves him to his bunker. Its a struggle; his twin has quite a bit of pudge and even more muscle, but Ford manages to drag him up to the main floor and out to good ol' El Diablo without injuring him further. The dark night sky masks his shameful, selfish act well, and he freezes Stan without issue, if you don't count his minor breakdown and bout of vomiting that occurs when he catches sight of the form a frozen Shifty has taken.

Soos is awake when he returns. Ford knows because he can hear the young man sobbing and screaming hysterically from well outside the Shack. He's almost mirroring Ford's earlier actions, frantically trying to stop any more blood from escaping the now cooling, tiny bodies. He catches Ford's gaze, and instantly begs for the elder Pines twin to help him.

Coward that he is, Ford can only give the handyman a deeply remorseful look as he slowly shakes his head.

It takes nearly an hour to convince Soos to let him get near the bodies once he realizes that it was Ford's captured creature that stole the life from his grand niblings. The man was closer to them than Ford had realized, and it only makes the gaping wound in his heart deepen as he watches him hold Dipper and Mabel close to him, uncaring that his shirt is now more red than green. He only allows Ford to take them when he points out that they will begin to rot if they stay where they are. As Ford leaves, he fishes one of those cellular mobile phones out of his pocket and shakily begins to dial someone's number.

It's not the police, not with the way Soos hesitates for so long before pressing the call button.

There is a large freezer within his lab, used for storing perishable specimens and the occasional popsicle. He lays Dipper and Mabel there for now; he will scour the valley for the perfect resting place when he has the mental capacity to grasp that they are truly gone.

When he returns, Soos is leaning against a doorframe, one hand holding his bleeding cheek as the other holds his device. Ford can faintly hear a feminine voice shouting on the other end, and he faintly recognizes it as the red headed cashier girl, Boyish Dan's daughter, if he remembers correctly.

In what seems to be his next breath, pain erupts across his jaw as someone delivers a powerful left hook directly into his face. There is screaming, the same as before but much louder now. He must have disassociated, because the girl is standing over him now, tears streaming down her face. Soos is beside her in a moment, pulling her into a hug as they both cry into each other's shoulder.

Ford cries as well, but the other two could care less. It is only what he deserves.

Yeesh, sad yet? I was originally just going to focus on Ford (and he's still my main focus) but then i realized that pretty much no one includes Wendy and Soos in AU's like these (heavy emphasis on Soos, my mans is done dirty) so i workshopped them in.

Soos is Ford's companion in the multiverse, coming along mostly to be a familiar face to whatever Dipper/Mabel they decide to 'adopt/rescue', but also to make sure Ford doesn't kill himself through neglect. He knows what happened was an accident, and he knows how badly Ford has been affected by everything, but a small part of him remains angry at the scientist. Dipper and Mabel were like younger siblings to him after the whole Globnar situation, and Stan is like a father to him. He leaves his handyman hat behind "until he can fix this" and instead sports a protective bandana and Dipper's Pterodactyl tooth.

Wendy absolutely blames Ford for what happened, and only doesn't enact lumber-justice because she also wants Dipper and Mabel back. She has taken up the role of Waddle's caretaker and occasional helper to McGucket, who is monitoring both the portal and Stan. The man feels he owes it to Dipper and Mabel to help, since they helped him get his memory back. She can usually be seen sporting the Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle for Waddles and one of Mabel's sweaters wrapped around her waist. She and her friends also help keep the Shack functional, though she can't bring herself to go into the "incident room."

[girlactionfigure]

Rabbi Reuven Israel Kott was a Torah prodigy whose cleverness and chutzpah saved thousands of Jews from annihilation by the Nazis.

Born in a Polish shtetl in 1897, Reuven was one of fifteen children. His family were Hasidic followers of the Ger Rebbe.

Reuven’s exceptional intellect was apparent at a young age. He was a gifted scholar of Talmud and Jewish scripture, so precocious that he was given rabbinic ordination when only 17 years old.

The Rebbe took a special liking to Reuven, and every Friday night Reuven sat next to the great man at his festive Sabbath gathering. Small in size - he stood only 5’1” - Reuven was known for his big brain, and big heart.

Reuven was selected by his community to represent them as the Jewish voice on the local provincial council. When the Polish president died in the 1920’s, young Reuven stood at the graveside with other clergy and delivered a eulogy on behalf of the Jews of Poland.

Although life seemed fairly good for Polish Jews at the time, the Ger Rebbe sensed that big trouble was coming. He urged his followers to get out of Poland and move to Eretz Yisrael (the Land of Israel), at that time British Mandate Palestine.

As the Rebbe’s right-hand man, Rabbi Reuven Kott threw himself into the mission of helping Jews leave Poland and return to their ancestral homeland.

The British had a quota system restricting the number of Jewish families they let in. Reuven took advantage of a bureaucratic loophole defining “family” as two parents and an undetermined number of offspring.

Reuven collected money and bribed Polish authorities to get blank birth certificates. He would then “create” new families, matching people up, changing names and identities as needed. Every “family" had at least a dozen children.

Reuven told those he helped that they must stick with their fake identity. Most people complied, but a few didn’t and were caught. Under threat of being sent back to Poland, somebody gave Reuven’s name to the authorities.

Reuven and his brother were on a train in Warsaw when three plain-clothes officers approached. After verifying his identity, they arrested Reuven for bribery and forgery and threw him in jail. As a pious Jew, Reuven couldn’t eat the non-kosher jail food, so every day his daughter brought him a kosher meal - a two hour journey each way.

After several long months, his brother finally got word that there was going to be a hearing in the case. He went to visit Reuven in jail, told him the news and asked which lawyer he wanted to hire.

Reuven scribbled something on a scrap of paper, folded it up and slipped it through the bars of his cell. Outside the jail, Reuven’s brother unfolded the note. He was shocked to read the contents: “Hire me the most anti-Semitic lawyer in Warsaw!“

Reuven’s family was baffled. With so many top-notch Jewish lawyers, why would he want an anti-Semite? Had his incarceration led to a mental breakdown? Reuven’s brother assured them that he was of sound mind, and he went to Warsaw and found an attorney notorious for his fierce hatred of Jews.

The day of the hearing arrived, and the courthouse was packed with hundreds of Hasids from Reuven’s community. Reuven was allowed only three minutes with his lawyer, and then the hearing began.

To everybody’s shock, Reuven’s lawyer stood up, made a brilliant argument, and got the case dismissed.

Back home in the shtetl, everybody wanted to know what Reuven had said to his lawyer in those three minutes. Reuven said his Talmud study had taught him that in a business deal, if you get three “Yes” answers, the deal will close.

He asked his lawyer three questions:

- You hate us Jews, don’t you?

- Do you want to see me rot and die in jail?

- Would you like all of us Jews gone from Poland?

The lawyer answered yes to all three questions. Reuven immediately shot back, “What good would it do if one measly Jew rots in jail? If you set me free, I can get all the Jews out of Poland!”

Reuven got what he wanted by blinding the lawyer with his own hate. He continued his work “creating” large families and helping them move to Palestine. The anti-Semitic attorney even helped him procure more blank birth certificates. People often asked Reuven when he would go to Eretz Yisrael. He said, “I’m like the captain of a sinking ship. It is my responsibility to get all the passengers out before I get in the lifeboat.”

Over the course of 20 years, Reuven helped tens of thousands of Jews escape Poland. Today, almost half a million descendants of those Polish Jews owe their lives to Rabbi Reuven Israel Kott.

Unfortunately, Reuven himself never made it to Israel. He was murdered at Auschwitz in 1942.

For proving that one small man in three short minutes can accomplish miracles beyond measure, we honor Rabbi Reuven Israel Kott as this week’s Thursday Hero at Accidental Talmudist.

This story was told to us by Reuven’s granddaughter, Ziporah Bank. She heard it from her mom - the daughter who brought kosher meals to Rabbi Kott in prison. 

Accidental Talmudist

[s-4pphics]

scent of the pine. 5 (e.w)

*takes off grad cap* alright . here we go. 

wc;cw: 17.1k everybody died, sistersbestfriend!ellie, guitarist/producer!ellie, violinist!oc, age gap(three years), all ocs r blackcoded, SMUT!! MDNI!!!, phone sex, masturbation, mean ellie, weed alcohol nics yall know wassup, dubcon, virginity loss, masochism LOL, light bondage, dirty talk, ASSSPLAAAYYY😝, dp, mult. orgasms, subspace and drop, squirting, slapping(face ass tits pussy lol), toys, slight angst but also fluff, just lots of spit n cum

You’ve been very gloomy these past couple of months. 

You hadn’t stopped thinking about Ellie since you left her home that morning, up until you and Arya jumped on the train to return to campus. 

You’d never be able to express to Arya how much you appreciated her presence: she allowed you to cry, whine, pout, and sniffle about how much you missed Ellie, and she comforted you through all of it with gentle whispers of you’re gonna be fine, bitch! you’re gonna get piped down soon! I promise! Although you felt a bit selfish dumping your girl problems on her, she never made you feel guilty and justified that you always listened to her ramble about her hook-ups and high rambles. The only time she’d ever complained about anything related to your sorrowful monologues about missing Ellie’s laugh and smile and tongue was when you two had to work on your Music & Production Theory assignment (I’m gonna kill you if we fail and you’ll die dickless! Don’t play with me!). 

…But other than that, she’s been so sweet!

Ellie has also been keeping in touch ever since you left. She sent you snaps of Duchess zooming around the house, her meals for the day, and three-second voice memos of her new project she was working on. You knew that she’d been flying back and forth to California and had a packed schedule with her producer friends whenever she was there, but your heart couldn’t help but turn gray when you wouldn’t hear from her for a few days. 

Now it's March, and you and Arya are sitting on the floor as you glared searing holes into your phone. Ellie sent you a text when you were in class earlier saying that she missed your voice and was going to call you the second she had the opportunity. And you weren’t going to miss it. Ellie was worth wasting your Saturday night on! 

“I’m not gonna lie girl,” Arya's voice cut through your intense phone-staring. “I’ve definitely had my dickmatized moments but you’re kinda crazy.” 

You looked up at Arya as she carefully packed her blunt to get ready for her smoke sesh with her friends, concerned look on her face. It made you frown. 

“What, why? What’d I do?” You asked with your brows pulled down. 

And before you could hear her answer, you got a notification. You nearly snapped your wrists at the speed your hands flew to grab your phone to see if it was Ellie, your eyes bulging at your screen, only to see that your sister snapped you. You sighed in slight disappointment before opening it. 

You ignored Arya’s snickering. 

Your sister sent you a picture of her with hairspray and a lighter in her hand with a caption IM MOVING TF OUT I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT NO MORE BUGS R EVERYWHERE WHAT IN THE FUCK.

You couldn’t hold in your laugh as you snapped her back before Arya stood and went to the bathroom with a change of clothes in hand. 

You heard the shower turn on as you got up and onto your bed to mindlessly scroll through Twitter. 

After ten minutes of scrolling through a Best Euphoria Character breakdown thread, you got a text from Ellie, and you nearly squealed in excitement. 

hiiii im sorry i havent been able to b on my phone like that :( been super busy with this sample

i just wanted 2 let u know that i might have 2 call u another time we still have a bunch of layering to do for this track n we’re on a timer. i miss u so fucking bad 

You couldn’t ignore the sadness in your chest, but you texted back understandingly anyway. 

it’s ok :( i miss u too. miss ur voice :( 

Her reply bubble immediately popped up. 

i know baby fuckkkk i miss ur voice so fucking bad im ab to start asking 4 daily voice memos 🤨

You smiled at your screen so wide. 

LOOOOOOOL ur annoying 

You typed and sent a follow up before she could. 

go back 2 work 🥰🥰

kiss :( 

mwah 

mwah mwah mwah

You put your phone on your chest, and you couldn’t stop the smile that grew on your face. She made you so, so happy. 

The bathroom door opened, steam from the warm water exiting the room along with a towel-clad Arya. 

“What you cheesin’ so hard for, girl?” She said as she grabbed her edge control off her desk. 

“Nothin’,” you said with a dreamy sigh as you stared off past her. 

“…Uh huh, I’m heading out soon, I’ll be back late tonight, so don’t wait up.” She said with a smirk. 

“Don’t forget to send me your location,” you reminded her. 

She let out a quick course, baby before she went back into the bathroom. 

You went back to scrolling through Twitter until your eyelids got heavy. A comfortably dressed Arya—she’s definitely getting some— kissed your forehead and dimmed your dorm lights before she left, and you dozed off. 

You jolted awake as Rotation blasted in your ears. You drowsily picked your phone up and saw a el:3🌲 and 2:34AM across your home screen. 

You perked up immediately to answer, sitting up so fast that you went lightheaded for a second. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, you,” Ellie’s light voice rang through the phone. “Were you sleep? M’sorry, we can talk la— “

“No! No, I’m up, I was just napping, hi,” you said as you grinned softly at her laugh, laying on your back. “You’re up late. Did you guys finish?” 

“No, but we were exhausted, so we called off for the night. And one of my partners kept rambling about this girl he needed to call, so,” Her voice was already making you squirm. Thank god she couldn’t see you. “But I wanted to talk to you, couldn’t help myself.” 

“Oh my god, you’re so obsessed, damn,” you said with a giggle. 

“Fuuuuck yeah, sooo obsessed, need to drink your bath water, shit, I think I’m dying!” she said in an overly desperate, dried out tone, making you laugh harder. 

Both of your laughs calmed down before she started talking, “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Umm…” She sounded a bit nervous, and it instantly made you antsy. “I know you’re not gonna be back for a couple weeks or whatever, but I just… like I was gonna ask if you wanted to do something, like just the two of us…” 

And a sly grin grew on your face. “Ellie… are you asking me out, right now?” 

The other line was silent as you heard her move around and sigh before she spoke. “…This was literally the worst way to ask a girl out, fuck, m’sorry— “

You cut through her jittery rambles. “Ellie, stop apologizing! That’s so cute! Of course, I’ll go out with you!” 

You heard her release a deep breath as she said, “Fuck, thank god, holy shit, I was so nervous. It’s been so long since I’ve done that. Almost shoved my vape down my throat.” 

You laughed as your heart beat quickened. “You really gonna wine and dine me when I come home? We’re that serious?” 

“Ohhh, we're that serious, you're eating nothing but lobster and pasta when I see you, swear to god.” 

You snorted at her, “Okay, sugar daddy, get me a new car while you're at it. With insurance.” 

“Anything you want, baby.” She said with a sleazy laugh. 

You hummed at her offer in attempts to mask the pounding of your heart, but she mocked you, humming back at you in a higher tone. 

“Shut up! I’m just thinking!” 

“Oh, yeah? About what?” 

You suddenly felt shy as her voice lowered. It was so much deeper. “Just… just you, I guess, I dunno, miss you.” 

You heard her shuffle again before she asked softly, a smirk evident in her tone, “You miss me?”

You let out a quiet, but eager mhm! as your tummy swirled with want. 

You listened to her gentle breathing before she asked, “Your roomie home?” 

And your heartbeat picked up, your eyes fluttering as your blinking slowed. 

“N-no, she’s gone.” 

“Then lay down for me, baby.” 

You instantly fell on your back, your scarfed head hitting your silk pillows. Your face was boiling hot, “I am.” 

“You sound nervous, you good?” she asked you gently. 

“M’great, just… yeah, I’m okay, want you to keep talking.” 

“Stop me whenever, you understand?” Her tone was much more serious, and it made your thighs clench, your boyshorts growing wetter. 

You whined out a uhhuh!, but she corrected you immediately, “Say you understand.” 

“I understand! I get it, El!” Fuck, you wished she were here to touch you. To scold you in person. 

You heard giggling and more shuffling around through the speaker, “You gotta shirt on?” 

“Mhm.” 

She chuckled lightly, “Take it off, take off everything while you're at it.” 

Your heartbeat spiked, “But Arya might come back.” 

“That’s why you have a blanket, honey.” 

…Fair. 

You quickly set your phone on your pillow, reaching for the hem of your shirt, lifting it up to pull it over your head, tossing it to the floor. You arched your ass up to pull your boyshorts off and kicked them to the foot of your bed. You reached for your phone again. 

“Okay, m’ready now.” 

“Such a cutie,” she cooed at you. You could hear the grin through her words. “Gonna make you cum so hard the second I get my hands on you.” 

You whimpered into the speaker as your walls squeezed. Fuck, fuckfuck. 

“You make me go fuckin’ crazy, can’t stop thinking about you.” 

“M-me, too.” 

“Yeah? What d’you think about?” 

Say it! your brain yelled at you. She already knows you’re a slut, just say what you want! 

“...Umm…” 

“Talk to me, baby, about anything you want.” 

You gulped, heart pounding in your ears, “Your… your hands? They’re… really nice.” 

“Yeah? What about ‘em is nice?” 

“Ellie…” 

“Like when they touch you all over, when they hold you down?” 

“Yes,” you barely whispered as your free hand traveled down your body. Not touching anywhere specifically, just roaming. 

“Know you do, they get you so fuckin’ hot,” She breathed through the line. “Wanna touch yourself?” 

“Yeah, w’na so bad.” 

“Say please.” 

“Ellieee— “ 

She cut off your embarrassed whines with a nastily casual tone, “I'll hang up right now. Ask nicely.” 

You balled your traveling hand up in a fist as you pleaded with an upset pout, “Please, Ellie.” 

“Please what.” 

“… Please help me?” 

“….”

“C’mon Ellie! Please make me cum! I wanna cum!” 

Her condescending laugh pierced through your ears, “Touch those pretty fuckin’ tits since I didn’t get to before you left.” 

You moaned out as your pointer finger and thumb rolled your stiffened nipple as you squirmed. 

“They’re so fucking sensitive, got my sheets so wet when I played with ‘em. Wan’em in my mouth again, shit.” 

You pulled at your other nipple, and you let out a moan into the speaker. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful, miss you so fucking bad.” 

“Miss you so much, Ellie, can’t wait t’see you.” You cried out quietly. Your pussy was clenching with need. 

“Touch your pussy, babygirl, rub your clit. Get it nice and wet f’me.” 

You followed her instructions at a lightning speed, spreading your legs wider and reaching your hand all the way down to bring your slick to your clit. Your breathing picked up as you slowly rubbed it into your bud, hips jerking. 

“Tell me how wet it is,” you could hear how shaky her voice was getting, breathing labored. She was touching herself to you touching yourself, and it was making you wetter. It made you burn. It made you want to get her there. 

“M’really wet, El,” you mewled out to her, trying to ignore your bashfulness. 

“Yeah? S’dripping on your bed like it did on mine?” 

“Shit, yes, I feel it.” 

“Fuuuck, bet it’s so fucking tight, gonna break that pretty pussy in so good.” 

“Want you to. Want you inside me s’bad, please.” 

“Gonna give you whatever you want, promise, shit.”

You felt that feeling coming over you before you could think, “Think m’gonna cum, baby—“

“Already? Always cum so fucking quick—“

“I-I just miss you!” 

“Then cum for me, love.” 

“G’na, daddy!” You heard her groan at the name. 

“Fuuuuck!” You heard the wet sounds from her pussy over her groans and whines of your name, and that swelling feeling in your gut exploded.

All you could get out was a garbled cumming! as your thighs shook in your pleasure, your fingers quickly rubbing your clit as your hips bucked towards the friction. It felt so much better because you knew she was listening. 

“Don’t fucking stop, you’re gonna cum again.” She scolded when your fingers slowed and your breathing slowed.

“E-Ellieee—!”

“You wanted to cum so bad, right? Then fucking cum, fuck that pussy,” she must’ve been close: her breathing was heavier and shaky, the wet sounds from her side increasing. 

You put your phone on speaker and set it on your pillow, propping yourself up on your elbow so you could fuck yourself easier. You’ve never successfully made yourself cum like this, but you slid your middle finger in experimentally anyway. You released a light gasp at the stretch. You were so soft and slippery on the inside, your clit twitching as you wiggled around in search for that spot that Ellie found so easily. 

“D-Do me a favor?” she gasped out to you. 

“U-Uh huh?” 

She let out a breathy laugh, “Put your pussy on the phone so I can nut?” 

You laughed with her, shaking your head as you grabbed it with your free hand. You placed it between your legs, thrusting your finger in and out, “Can you hear it?” 

“Yeah, babe, fuck.” 

You let out a moan with her, slowly fucking yourself and bringing your other hand over to rub your clit, hips jolting at the sensitivity. You both were moaning each other's name as you chased your pleasure in unison. You let out a loud moan when you prodded that squishy spot that made you black out the last time you saw Ellie. You hit it as hard as you could, pussy squelching around your fingers and belly swirling. 

“Gonna make me cum, shit, sounds so fucking hot,” she whined out in between heavy pants. 

“Cum with me, El? Please?” You rubbed your clit faster.

“Gonnagonna, fuck, m’so close—!”

You let out a shout of her name as it hit you, your fingers trapped between the tight grip of your walls. You rubbed your clit as you grinded into your pussy, your head falling back as your hips rocked back and forth to ride it out. You tried to quiet your wails as Ellie came with you, letting out obscenities while she talked you through it. You could hear how fast her fingers were moving and it made another wave wash over you, your cunt giving one last bone-crushing squeeze as its twitching calmed. 

You pulled your drenched fingers out and slowly rubbed your clit as you came down, listening to Ellie’s quieting gasps of pleasure. You reached to grab a couple tissues from your work desk, wiping your fingers and pussy before grabbing your phone to set on your pillow. You heard her shuffle before she spoke. 

“You okay, babe?”

“Yeah… wish you were here,” you answered with a pout. 

“I know, a couple more weeks’n I’m all yours.” 

“S’all I’m thinking about,” you said gently. “Go get some rest.” 

“Don’t want you to gooooo,” you heard her pouting. It made your heart skip. “Stay on the phone with me?

“Don’t you have to get up early tomorrow?” 

“…Yeah…”

“Right. You had a long day, go to bed.” Even though the sound of her breathing would lull you to sleep faster, you could only imagine how drained she must’ve been. 

“Fine,” you heard her sigh in resignation. 

“Sleep well,” you cheesed widely. 

“I’ll try, promise. Mmmmwaaah!” she sent a goofy kiss through the speaker. You sent one back. 

“Night, El.” 

“Night, baby.” 

You hung up your line, throwing your phone on your pillow as you sat up to go to the bathroom. 

You missed her scent so much. 

Your sister was very in love. And lonely. 

It’s been almost three weeks since she’s seen Isaiah. 

She was typically good at keeping her sneaky links on the low, only calling them to fulfill her needs in the middle of the night, buy her drinks, smoke her the fuck out whenever she wanted, but she never expected to miss one of them or wait for their calls. Fuck time zones!

When Isaiah and your sister first started hooking up, it started off normal. Quick, but nastily satisfying fucks in hotel rooms (that he paid for, city girl shit), smashing in his rental car before his studio session, in her car before she went to work; it was strictly sexual for months, and she was fine with him constantly flying back and forth! 

Until he returned from California with a new strain that he said reminded him of her. She damn near bought a ring to propose to him herself. He smoked her out, she had one of the best highs of her life, and he gave her the craziest head on her couch, how could she not want him?! 

And now he’s gone, making beats in California again as she sat and thought about his voice. His scent.

Why did California always keep the most important people away from her?! 

Thinking about that city always gives her a headache. She ignited the packed bowl of her pipe, staring holes into the black screen of her phone as she waited for his call. 

You were editing another compilation of you playing all four seasons of Vivaldi as Arya snored on your shoulder. Your subs were going to eat this one up! 

The train Wi-Fi was kicking your ass and was this close to fucking up your render, but you were managing. 

You stretched your wrists, and you leaned back from your small tray table, resting against your head against the rest and grabbing your phone. 

You got a text from Ellie! 

hiiiii baby can’t wait 2 c u 

got smth cute planned :)

You didn’t notice the smile that spread on your face as you typed. 

so excited :( wanna smell u so bad 

You were about to set your phone down, but a text bubble popped up. 

yeah? wna smell u too 

gonna shove my nose in that pussy and inhale 😛

IMMA EAT IT RAAAHH

Your entire body flushed hot as you shook your head. 

AYOOOOO??

UR FUCKDIGNNSTUPIDD GET OFF MY PHONE

LFMAKOAAOOAAO 

kissie b4 i go? :(

mwahmwahmwah

mmmmmwwah

You set your phone down as you cheesed dumbly. 

You wished this train would hurry the fuck up! 

Your mom had come to pick you and Arya up from the station with slices of her freshly baked pineapple upside-down cake, kisses, and strong hugs. You never got used to being away from her months at a time; You'd missed her warm embrace so much. 

You had a couple of days to yourself before you and Ellie's first date and… just thinking about it made your heart beat faster. 

She’d texted you when you got home, telling you to dress up in something fancy. Would she buy you a fancy dinner? Take you to an art gallery? A night on the town in the city? The possibilities were endless with her! 

Arya had been telling you that you needed to buy some… things for when the two of you get “freak nasty”, so she offered to drive you to the mall (no more fruit panties, you're an adult now!, she’d scolded you). While you were excited for what happened after your date, you didn’t want it to be narrowed down to that; You loved spending time with Ellie. You just got her back in your life, and you wanted to appreciate every moment that you could get with her when she wasn't working. You felt so happy when she was around. 

… But of course, Arya wasn’t hearing that. 

“Girl, you can save all that sappy shit for the wedding, do you want crotchless panties under your—“ She paused her waving of the… very exposed pair of pink underwear as she remembered something. “Oh fuck, you don’t have a dress!” 

“…I was thinking about just wearing my prom dr— “

“Don’t even finish that fuckin’ sentence, are you serious?! Your prom dress? On your first date? You needa be slapped for that!” She said, irritated as she glared at you. You glared back at her attitude, now just as annoyed. 

“What do you expect me to do?! I’m not… I’m not like you guys, okay? This typa shit is easy for y’all. You know how hard it is for me to… do things like this. Why do you think I’ve been single this whole time?!” You said with a hurt frown. 

You knew she never meant any harm whenever she scolded you about your romantic situations, —or lack thereof—but that didn’t mean it hurt your feelings any less. You’re just starting to come into yourself and your appearance, and you need her, and everyone else, to be patient with you. 

Arya must’ve sensed the pain and discomfort in your voice because her glare slowly fell, a gentle replacement immediately overtaking her expression. She set the panties back down onto the display table and grabbed your shoulders. 

“M’sorry babe, okay?” She said softly, and you nodded as you looked off into the distance in rigid forgiveness; You knew she didn’t like that. “Look at me.” 

Your eyes slowly met hers before she quietly spoke. “I’m sorry, I want the best for you, that’s all.” 

She continued as your eyes watered. Just a little glisten! “You’re such a beautiful person—inside’n out and I want you to feel that way, even more so now because of that dick-slangin’ girlfriend of yours!” 

“You’re annoying,” you joked as you laughed quietly, making her smile. 

“It’s true! You’re my baby’n I love you.” 

“Love you,” you mumbled into her shoulder as she pulled you into a tight hug, pressing a light kiss to the side of your head before pulling back. 

She spun around and pointed towards the 30% off on all thongs! sign at the front of the store. 

“Can you buy one, at least?” she said in half-joking exasperation, pout on her face. 

“…Sure,” You relented with a sigh. “I might not wear it for the date, though!” 

“That’s fine, mama! Just wanna make sure you got one for safe keeping!” She said slyly as she stuck her tongue out. 

You shook your head as you made your way over to the rack, eyeing the pine green thong on the mannequin. 

Two days passed and you were getting ready for your first date! You couldn’t believe it! 

After Arya drove the two of you to the airport to pick up Kris and Starr, they’d spent the night at your place so they could see you off before Ellie came to pick you up. 

Starr helped you wax your eyebrows and legs: she offered to wax your cooch, but you were scared and a little embarrassed at the thought of your friends seeing you so… exposed. You knew your friends didn’t care about seeing you naked, but you were still a bit sheltered with them. I’ll stick to my razor! you'd said. 

Kris was pressing your hair while Arya helped you glue your lashes on as you frantically checked the time with a bouncy knee. 6:33… 6:34… 6:36!

Even though Ellie said that your reservation was at seven-thirty, you still needed to get dressed, had to count for the drive, potential stops for gas… and what if there was an accident on the road and it made you both late… oh, god what if you both caused the accident—!

“Bro, can you calm the hell down— “ 

“Y’know, I’m getting really sick of y’all asking the girl with anxiety to calm down—!”

“Stop moving and hold your ear down!” 

You thanked god your mom was out on a wine night; She didn’t need her night ruined with you and your friends bickering. 

You grabbed your ear in a tight downward pinch with a harsh sigh, moving it so Kris could straighten your baby hairs. Even with all this frantic movement from everyone in the room, they made it clear that they didn’t want you to see your final look until the very end, blocking all mirrors available with their bodies. 

After fifteen minutes of… pure chaos, your hair laid flat, and your face was beat. You pressed kisses all over your friends’ faces with breathy iloveyouthankyou’s before grabbing your dress and undergarments to sprint to your bathroom, making sure not to look at yourself even though you desperately wanted to. 

You shut the door with a deep and heavy exhale. You looked at your dress with pounding in your ears: it was a floor length, black velvet maxi dress with lace detailed sleeves. It accentuated your bust so a little cleavage was showing (I, personally, would have my nipples out, but this is cute, too! you recalled Arya saying in the dressing room); It was so… classy. You felt like an adult when you tried it on. You hope Ellie likes it. 

You shook off your insecurities before they could terrorize you and removed your tee, underwear, and sweatpants. You put your pine green, lacy strapless bra on with the thong to match, adjusting it so… your pussy could fucking breathe how do people wear this shit everywhere they go! 

You grabbed your dress and stepped into it, carefully pulling it up and over your shoulders. You straightened it out with your hand, making sure no wrinkles were in it before you took a breath, opened the door, and walked out to your bedroom.

Starr was the first one you made eye-contact with and she damn near fell out of your desk chair and onto the floor. Your eyes widened as the other two turned with excited gasps and shrieks. 

“OH MY FUCKIN’ GOD WHAT THEFUCK—!”

“You’re so fucking fine, holy shit—!”

“If it don’t work out with ol’ girl, you know where to find me—!”

You shook your head at them before dropping your gaze to your floor so that they couldn’t see your small smile, your face flushed, “Okay, okay, can I look now?” 

“Yeah baby, turn around!” Kris said excitedly as she grabbed your shoulders with an encouraging squeeze. 

You spun around and was immediately met with someone who… did not look like you. At all. Even your brain was too stunned to speak. What the fuck? 

The girls' excited expressions slowly dropped when they witnessed your shocked reaction, but you weren’t upset at all. Just… surprised. In a good way. 

“What’s the matter, honey?” Kris asked you gently from behind with concerned eyes, meeting yours in the mirror. 

“…I’m just really— “ 

THROW IT IN ROTATION! (THR—)

You jumped towards your phone on your dresser, nearly knocking your lamp off it. You answered immediately when you saw who it was. 

“Hello?” 

“Hiiiii, m’downstairs!” Ellie said giddily, and your spirit brightened. You smiled widely, and the girls followed. 

“I’m coming down right now, just needa put my shoes on!” 

“Ok, is it fine if I come in for a sec or?” 

“Yeah, it’s fine. The girls wanna meet you!” And they nodded eagerly in agreement. 

“… Fuck, now I’m scared.” 

“Don’t be! They’re so sweet, c’mon.” 

“K, gimme a sec, mmmmmwah!” she said goofily, you sending one back just as dopily before you ended the call. 

“Y’all gay as shit,” Starr said with a headshake, making the other girls snicker and jump in excitement. 

You, heels in hand, and your friends nearly jumped down the staircase to rip the front door off the hinges. 

The minute your eyes connected with Ellie’s, you had to stop yourself from dropping to your knees and doing something crazy. Fuck.

She was dressed in an all-black suit with a… fucking turtleneck underneath her jacket. Her sleeves were rolled up so her forearm tattoo was exposed. She had…Cuban links around her neck and wrists. Her hair was cut into a mullet—when the fuck did that happen, holy shit?!— and the two slits in her brow were more prominent. You noticed one of her hands was behind her back, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to care about what she was hiding. You were, by all means, ready to fuck right now. You nearly said fuck the date. 

And by the darkening of her eyes as she took you in from head to toe, you could tell she was ready, too. 

“…Hey,” she said to all of you, but she kept eye contact with you. You stared back. 

“Hi! Nice to finally meet you, I’m Arya,” your best friend interrupted as she stuck her hand out towards your date. Her eyes left yours to politely greet your friends with cute smiles and handshakes. 

And then she turned to you, bringing her hidden arm around to hand you a burgundy sunflower wrapped in gold and pink ribbons and plastic. Evening sun! 

She stepped inside and into your space—she always smelled so fucking good! — as you took it from her hand with a gentle thank you. Her cheeks were so red as she whispered back of course before planting a soft kiss to your lips. You heard your friends squeal quietly. Neither of you cared, sucked into your own little universe. 

“Ready?” she whispered. You nodded excitedly with a toothy grin, stepping into your heels. She smiled back before taking your hand in hers. 

“Oh fuck, wait a second!” Kris said loudly before running upstairs. You looked at your two friends, confused. Starr smirked as Arya shrugged. 

Kris came running back down the stairs with a small backpack in her hand, giving it to you. 

“Packed you some… things. Might not see you for a few days,” she said slyly as she winked, causing Starr to snicker. What the hell was in this bag? 

“Be careful with our little baby, now! She’s fragile!” Starr called out. 

“Will do, don’t worry,” Ellie replied with a light laugh before turning to you to whisper, “C’mon, baby.” 

“Don’t forget to lock the door before you guys head out, keys under the mat,” you turned to say to your friends as you slowly walked out. “I love y’all!” 

Shouts of love you! and be safe! rung through your ears before you gently shut the door. Your back was immediately pressed up against it before you could think, Ellie craning her neck to connect your lips in a hot kiss. Your knees went weak. 

She pulled away before you could protest, looking you up and down, “Had to do that, fuck, you look gorgeous.” Your cheeks were so hot as you mumbled a quiet you, too!

“Think I’m gorgeous?” She hummed out with a small smile. You saw her cheeks shine a darker shade of pink.

You nodded with an mhm!, wrapping your arms around her neck to pull her in for another kiss. She grabbed your forearms and moved back with a shake of her head.

“Okay. No more bullshit, we’re classy tonight!” She said with a clap of her hands. 

“Just one more,” you shook your head with a pout as you attempted to move her closer. 

You shut your eyes when you saw her face move closer to yours before you heard her whisper a no against your lips. 

“C’mon, we’re gonna be late,” She said with a foxy grin. She took your hand in hers to lead you to her… sleek ass car, fucking shit! 

The heartbeat in your ears nearly deafened you. 

The restaurant was… impeccable. You thought Cheesecake Factory was fancy; They were nothing compared to this spot. It was dimly lit, crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, tables draped in a black cloth, marble plates, candles, bottles of champagne… This is wealth!

Ellie hadn’t let your hand go the entire car ride, all the way up until you reached the front desk to confirm your reservation. You both were led to an exclusive spot on the second-floor outdoor balcony so that the two of you were alone. You teared up at the sight in front of you.

Your small section was filled with lit lanterns, the decorative trees around your table wrapped in fairy lights, and your table was surrounded with rose petals. There was even a small flowerpot with an evening sun sticking out of it. The gesture was so simple, but your eyes watered with gratitude. You couldn’t believe she organized this for you.

“Like it?” She sounded so nervous next to you. You turned to face her and nodded with a sniffle.

“Such a crybaby, jesus,” she mumbled with a shaky laugh, reaching towards a napkin on the table to hand to you. You dabbed your eyes, minding your liner.

“This is so sweet, Ellie, oh my god,” you watched her expression fill with affection and doting before she pulled you in to kiss your forehead as she led you over to the table.

She grabbed the back of your chair to pull it out for you with an over-exaggerated call of m’lady!, ushering you to sit down. You laughed wetly before you sat with a thank you!

“I wasn’t joking when I said you can get whatever you want,” She stated as she circled the small table to get to her seat. “I’ll buy this place out if you ask, don’t give a fuck.” 

Fuckfuckfuck—!

“Ellie, this is prettiest place I’ve ever fucking been in, oh my god!” You said as you glanced around the room. 

“Ehhh, it’s alright,” she said with a cocky smirk, shrugging as she shook her jacket off her shoulders. You tried not to look at her toned arms too closely as you rolled your eyes. “Want some wine?” 

“Is… is that allowed?” 

“… It is tonight, shit— “

A man dressed in a black shirt, slacks, and apron cut her off with an introduction as your server, bowing his head in greeting. You noticed how he kept returning his gaze to you as he described the specials, but you paid it no extra mind.

After Ellie asked for the most expensive wine, the server departed with a stiff nod in her direction. You noticed her intense gaze as she watched him leave. 

“You okay?” you asked gently. She silently shook her head yes before reaching out to you to grab your hand, playing with your fingers. 

Hm. That was weird. 

Dinner was fucking incredible. Shrimps should’ve never been called the “roaches of the sea”, they tasted too good! 

You were two glasses of wine in, —nursing your third—and you were starting to feel warm and fuzzy, a smile permanently painted on your face as Ellie went on about astrology; You didn’t know what the fuck a mercury retrograde was, but you supported anything that kept that impassioned look in her eyes! She looked so excited! 

“—that fucker thought that because I’m a fucking Libra I wasn’t gonna say anything. Like, I literally have an Aquarius rising, you cunt! I’ll fuckin’ run you ov— “

“How’s everything?” 

You looked to your side and made eye contact with your server, you sipped from your glass as you eagerly nodded, “Oh my god, it was fucking incredible. Who knew shrimps could be that goddamn huge! Are we allowed to say bad words in here?!” 

He laughed while nodding, “Yes ma’am, you’re allowed to do whatever you want in here. Would you like any dessert with the rest of your wine?” 

“Yes, please!” You got giddy at the mention of sweets, “I saw this chocolate molten lava cake lookin’ thing on the menu, but there was no ice cream on top. Can y’all… à la mode it?” 

“Course we can, the Chocolate Fondant with ice cream!” He said as he pulled out his notepad from his apron pocket, scribbling before turning to Ellie. You noticed how tense she looked: she was sitting back in her chair with her legs crossed, her finger tapping on the arm rest, and her shoulders were stiff. You didn’t comment on it, but something was off. “And for you?” 

She didn’t answer, and her lack of response concerned you. You reached over to gently place your hand on top of her… clenched fist on the table, “El? You don’t have to get a whole one. You wanna share with me?” 

She hadn’t looked at you since he arrived, though: she continued to glare at the waiter, and when you turned to look at him, you saw him glare at her. What the hell? 

“We’re gonna get that to go, actually.” She demanded, her gaze sharp like knives. You recognized that tone of hers instantly. She was this close to swinging. Oh no. 

“I think that would be best. Cash or card?” He snarked. You whipped your head to glare at his tone. 

You felt the table shake as Ellie moved to stand. You jumped up and stood in front of her—almost breaking your damn ankle in these heels— before she could lunge at the waiter, letting out soft warnings of nononono as you blocked her off. This was an elitist establishment; you’re not trying to get arrested! The waiter scoffed and stomped off. 

You watched Ellie seethe in her chair as she pulled her wallet out of her slack pocket, throwing a stack of hundreds on the table before grabbing her jacket. She wrapped her hand around yours before pulling you towards the restaurant's staircase. 

She harshly pushed the doors of the restaurant open to lead you to the parking garage. You weren’t having it, though. 

“Ellie! Ellie, wait! What the hell just happened?” You asked, grabbing her wrist with your free hand to stop her pacing. 

“Doesn’t matter— “

“Yes, it does!” You said louder as you yanked your hand from hers. You grabbed her flushed face in your hands, but she wasn’t looking at you. She just continued to whisper obscenities under her breath. 

“Baby, look at me please, talk to me,” you said gently, rubbing her cheeks with your thumbs in an attempt to soothe her. 

She finally looked down at you, before looking around again, “Let’s get in the car first, c’mon.” 

You released her face from your grasp with a nod, letting her guide you. 

She let out a deep sigh when she shut her door. You leaned over to rub her knee comfortingly. 

She looked down at your hand as her expression softened, “M’sorry, I— “

You shook your head, “It’s okay, just, what was that? I’m so confused right now—” 

“Motherfucker wouldn’t stop glaring at me, pissed me the fuck off,” She said between grit teeth. “Kept lookin’ at you, the fuck was he smiling so hard for anyway—“

“A-at me?” 

“Yes, at you,” She said like it was obvious. Your brows furrowed in confusion. “The bastard almost broke his neck trying to show you the menu, ohhh of course I'll put ice cream on the chocolate fountain, sexy, I'll make sure the chocolate’s extra hot for you, like what the fuck— “

You couldn’t hold in your laughter at her exaggerated impressions, and you felt her relax as she scoffed a laugh out. You watched as she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her mint vape, pulling from it. She turned her head to blow the smoke away from your face. You leaned over the center console, grabbing the side of her face to turn towards you. You planted soft kisses to her cheek in between your chuckles as she shook her head, licking her chapped lips. 

“Dinner was really good,” you said in between kisses. 

She hummed before she sighed, “Sorry I ruined it, you didn’t even get your chocolate fountain.” 

You giggled, “Fondant, baby.” 

She grumbled out a whatever, making you laugh harder, “I had so much fun, El, love spending time with you.” 

She turned her face towards yours to whisper, “Me too babe. Missed you so much.” 

“You smell so fucking good,” you whispered against her mouth before you could think.

“Yeah?” You felt her smirk. 

You hummed in agreement before pressing your mouth to hers. She instantly reciprocated, turning her body so she could place a hand on the back of your neck to pull you closer. The kiss deepened, her tongue swiping against your bottom lip before she sucked on it. You let out a whine when her tongue licked into your mouth. Tongueringtongueringtongueri—

But then she pulled away. You followed her mouth with yours, making her smile. 

“Let’s go home.” 

You nodded so hard, you almost snapped your neck. 

The minute you stepped foot into Ellie’s place, her mouth was on yours. 

Her strong hands were gripping your hips, your arms around her neck as you moaned in her mouth. 

Jinglejinglejinglejingle—

You pulled away from her and turned the second you heard Duchess coming, her small, fluffy body descending the stairs. You pushed Ellie’s grabby, traveling hands away. 

“Baby! Oh my god! I missed you so much!” You squealed in excitement as you rushed over to her as quickly as your heeled feet would allow. She started purring and rubbing against your leg. You bent over to pet her little head as she nuzzled into your hand. 

“You really chose her over me, wow, okay,” Ellie called out from behind you as you heard the fridge open along with some clinking glass. 

Of course, Duchess’s demons took over as she whipped her head off into the distance, seemingly shocked by something, before sprinting back upstairs. There had to be a ghost or something in this bitch!

You shook your head before standing straight to turn towards the kitchen. You noticed Ellie shamelessly staring at your ass before she slowly dragged her eyes up connected with yours. And she just took a shot of pure vodka. No chaser. Fuck.

“You always talk about me staring, look at you!” 

“You’re lucky that’s all I did,” She said as she poured another shot for herself. “Was thiiis close to doing something outta pocket.” 

“Oh yeah? Like what?” you challenged. Yup, that wine was still kicking.

“Shoving my tongue in your ass,” she said casually with a shrug before leaning over the counter, taking sips from her shot glass. 

That familiar swirl in your gut quickly turned into a tornado. Your pussy clenched tight with want. Oh. Oh, wow. 

“Oh.”

“Uh huh.” 

Do something! Say something sexy, you’re boring her! your brain shouted. 

“T-that guy was trash, huh?” you said with a sheepish laugh. 

“…Yup,” she said deeply as she watched you. Every breath you took, every nervous twitch of your body with that nasty little glint in her eyes. The one you recognized from New Year’s. You stepped out of your heels and took a stumbly step towards the counter. 

Confidence! Confidence, dammit! 

“Can I have some?” You said as you pointed towards the bottle of Absolut. 

She snorted a laugh before shrugging, “I dunno. Can you?” 

“Shut up, gimme some,” you said as you folded your arms over your chest. Her eyes dropped to your tits as she licked her lips; She wasn’t moving to get your drink, she just stared at your pushed up breasts. Your manicured nails dug into your lacy sleeve, but you stood your ground. “Right now.” 

She smirked at your tone before returning her gaze to yours, shaking her head no. She tilted her head condescendingly, lifting her brow at you. She was… fucking testing you! The goddamn nerve! 

“Ellie.” 

“Hm?” 

“Pour me a shot!” 

“Or what?” Her tone was so low, so relaxed. You could feel yourself getting so wet.

“Or m’gonna…” Come up with something, what the fuck! “M’gonna…uh… fight you!” 

“…You’re gonna fight me?” She squinted her eyes at you, setting the small glass down on the counter before folding her hands. 

“…Yeah! Y’know what?! I’m actually mad, you ruined our first date because you thought some guy was staring at me!” There was a shakiness in your voice, but you waved your arms in anger as you started pacing, your bare feet stomping on the dark tile. Along with soft jingles. Duchess was back! “I’ve never been stared at by a stranger in my life!” 

Ellie wasn’t retaliating, but you noticed her jaw clenching. It made you clench, but you pressed anyway. 

“And you didn’t even get me my dessert! Maybe I wanted him to stare at me! Maybe I wanted the attention, for once! For fucking on—!” 

You hadn’t noticed Ellie circle the counter during your toothless rampage, but you felt a sharp tug of hair at the back of your head. Your neck forcibly craned up at her as you let out a wet gasp and pained whined, your fist clenching in your shock and… arousal. Your eyes met her dark, fiery ones, her lips slightly parted as her breath hit your face. You couldn’t stop fucking squirming, your thighs rubbing together to ease the sudden tightness of your core. 

“Don’t start acting like a fuckin’ brat,” She said lowly between grit teeth. “You’re cute, keep it that way.” 

Despite your eagerness for… her everything, you spat back, “S-Screw you, Ellie! You’re mean!” 

“Know I am. Seems like you don’t, though.” 

Your body involuntarily shuddered against her, and you mentally cursed yourself for being your biggest enemy! Your tough act faltered the second you put it on, and she smirked. “So fuckin’ easy, you wanna screw me, baby?”

You were easy. You were, you were, all for her! Fuck, you’d do anything she asked of you. You hadn’t even realized that your hands were slowly lifting your dress up on their own accord, bunching the fabric around your hips. She looked down and scoffed out a laugh, her grip in your hair tightening. You were moaning aloud already, what the fuck! 

“Givin’ it up like that? Like a filthy slut?” 

You nodded, your head filled with nothing but desire. Need. Instinct. You needed her to fuck you right now! 

“Get up those fucking stairs, gonna put the baby in the guest room.” You could hear her jingling on the couch. 

Her grip on you loosened as she backed away to walk towards Duchess with a soft hi, baby! missed you! 

That was a fast switch up! 

You turned towards the counter and downed the rest of Ellie’s discarded shot before you bolted up the steps. You never ran so fast in your life. 

After Ellie took care of Duchess, you heard her tread up the stairs. You were sitting on the edge of her made bed with your hands folded in your lap and slick pooling your thong. She met your eyes from where she stood by the top of the steps.

“Look at you, already so well behaved,” she cooed at you. She sounded so demeaning, and you loved it. You were so embarrassed that you did. 

You didn’t reply but watched her slowly walk towards you. Your breathing picked up and your heart pounded in your ears and head and clit—

“You used to be so fuckin’ sweet,” she said down at you, her lustful eyes twinkling under the green and blue hues in her room. She shook her head at you. “You get some alcohol in you’n start acting out? That’s what you wanna do?” 

You slowly shook your head no, jutting your bottom lip out. 

“Talk.” 

“No, Ellie,” you could barely whisper. 

“Take this off,” she ordered abruptly, her pointer finger pulling at the bust of your dress. 

You stood at her command, pulling your arms out of your sleeves to pull the dress down your body. Was it always this tight?! 

After wrestling with your garb, it pooled at your feet. You stepped out of it clumsily as Ellie took in your appearance. You watched her rake her eyes over your body, chuckling softly at your undergarments. 

“These are cute,” she said as she snapped the band of your thong against your skin. It made you flinch… and wetter! “Give’em to me.” 

Your breath hitched, curling in on yourself slightly. 

She gently cut through your thoughts before you could gather them, “Don’t think about it, just do what I ask.” 

You hesitantly hooked your thumbs into your underwear and pulled them down on autopilot, cringing slightly at the large wet spot on the little triangle. You pressed your thighs together to help alleviate some tension. It didn’t help. 

“Get up there,” she nodded her head towards her bed frame. You sat on the bed to scoot up the mattress, but she stopped you, tightly gripping your ankle.

“Nuh uh, hands’n knees’ c’mon,” she scolded, “Wanna see that wet fuckin’ pussy.” 

You clumsily got up onto your knees, hands sinking into her pine-scented blankets. Your erratic breaths picked up as you nervously looked back at her over your shoulder. Her expression softened slightly, whispering okay, baby? and you nodded enthusiastically. You never would’ve thought that you would enjoy Ellie being mean to you, but it was making you drip. She smirked and her gaze dropped to stare at your wet cunt, and it squeezed in excitement. 

Be sexy! you thought. Make her want you! 

You deepened the arch in your back slightly before you slowly crawled up her bed like a cat until you were faced with her black, detailed bed frame. You boldly shoved your face into her pillows, —you sniffed them very deeply— making sure to keep your ass up as far as you could. 

“It’s like that?” You heard her scoff out. Your pussy twitched at her voice; You hoped she noticed.

You took a deep breath, “Is it?” 

“Fucking smartass. Show me your pussy.” 

Your body burned at her vulgarity; she had no shame! You whimpered before you reached your arms behind you to spread your asscheeks, both holes pulsing in excitement. 

You felt her move onto the bed before you heard the ripping of fabric. She grabbed both your wrists in one hand, knotting your soaking wet panties around them before dropping your bound hands onto your back. 

“ELL— “

You were going to scold her for ripping your new pair, but you were cut off by a stinging slap on your ass. You let out a pained groan in the pillow as your nails dug into your palms. Oh, you liked that. A lot. You wanted more. Fuck, you want her to hurt you. 

“Gotta beat it into you, huh? That’s the type of shit you like?” Ellie said in a nasty timbre. “The only way t’get you to behave?” 

You didn’t even get to lift your head to say yes! before another harsh slap landed on your other cheek and you let out a muffled squeal again. You knew your pussy was dripping onto her duvet in a puddle! 

“You’re lucky you’re only getting my fucking hand. Fuckin’ slut.” 

Why was the disgusting part of you wishing that she were using something more? Something that she could etch into your skin forever?

“E-Ell— “

“Be quiet.” 

You shut up. You shut up so quickly. 

“Fuuck, look at this fucking ass.” You felt her calloused hands massage both cheeks. She spread them, made them jiggle. Hit you again. 

“Gonna let me play with it, babygirl? Hm? Gonna let me touch you how I want to?” She cooed out at you. You knew she knew your answer, but you nodded your sweaty head into her pillow anyway. 

You felt her place a light kiss on the back of your thigh, right under your asscheek, before she got up. You heard a drawer slide open. Her… special drawer. Fuck, she was going to destroy you. 

You craned your neck as best as you could

to watch as she pulled out some items. She set them on the dresser before she undid her chains, bracelets, and earrings. She took her turtleneck and slacks off, leaving her with mussed hair and a black sports bra with matching boyshorts. Her back, her fucking back, holy fuck—

Your thoughts were halted by a thud near the edge of the bed: you couldn’t see anything that she chose, but you saw that familiar shade of purple in the middle of the small pile.

“You comfortable in that position?” She questioned you suddenly, her softness returning. 

“Umm… I like it, but my arms hurt a little, not gonna lie.” 

She tsked at you, “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“M’sorry! I was really into the “don’t talk” thing— “

“If the don't talk thing makes you not tell me when you're uncomfortable, I’m not doing it. You gotta tell me when you feel off, I don’t care why or when it is,” She crawled up to you and undid the knot from your wrists before grabbing your hip to help move you onto your back. “Here, stretch out.” 

You laid your head on her pillow as you extended your arms and legs, sighing in relief before you rested, limbs spread out on the mattress, “M’okay now.” 

She hummed in acknowledgement, but she wasn’t looking at your face. She was staring at your wet cunt, and it made you squeeze hard. She licked her lips as more slick pooled at your hole before meeting your eyes. “I like you better like this actually.” 

You nodded as you offered her your wrists, signaling her to tie them again with a wide grin. 

She laughed at you before crawling up to pull at your bra wire, “Wait, take this off first.” 

“Want you to do it,” you sighed out dreamily.

She hummed at you, moving up to straddle your waist, “I meant it when I said this was cute, by the way.” 

“Exactly, was cute! You saw my panties for three seconds and ripped them to shreds,” you cackled out. 

“I was excited, felt a little frisky!” She laughed with you. 

You both slowed your giggles when she started rubbing them through the fabric, both hands massaging you through the cups. 

Your eyes fluttered when your nipples brushed up against the lace, your back arching into her touch. She slowly bent down to take one of them into her mouth, the bulb in her mouth circling the peak. You gasped sharply, arching deeper as your hand flew to the back of her head. You gently scratched her scalp with your nails, and she sucked on it. 

You jerked and your grip on her hair tightened, and she moaned around you. You moaned at the vibrations on your sensitive skin. 

You hadn’t noticed her hands snuck under you to undo the clasp of your bra as she pulled away from you, discarding the flimsy cloth and tossing it somewhere. 

“So much for a surprise,” you playfully rolled your eyes at her. Calloused fingers dug into your cheeks. Your smile dropped and your eyes fluttered as hers burned into yours.

“You’re not off the fuckin’ hook. Watch your mouth, you understand?” She said lowly, breath hitting your face. You nodded quickly.

“I understand,” you whimpered out. 

“Atta girl, you're learning,” she patronized with a satisfied grin, patting your cheek a couple times. You blushed harder. “Gimme those hands.” 

She sat up to reach for your destroyed panties, your wrists connected at the veins as she bound them together, much tighter than the first time. 

You rested your arms on the pillow behind you. She adjusted them so that your head was propped up and your neck was supported. You poked your chest out more as your tits jiggled with your movements. 

“I do anything you don’t like, you tell me.” She said in a hushed, but stern tone. 

“I will, El, promise.” 

“Okay,” she bent down to press a soft kiss to your mouth before moving off you and towards the pile of toys. 

She grabbed one of… what is that? 

It was a teal circle with a small hole at the top of it. Technology is so interesting—

“It’s clean, promise,” she must’ve noticed your furrowed brows and stare. You shook your head.

“S’not that, what… what is it?” 

“A vibrator, babe,” she said simply. 

“…Hm, never seen one like that before.” 

“I hadn’t either. It was a gift,” she snorted before she clicked a button on the top of it. A low vibration filled the room, “It feels good, though.” 

“What’s it feel like?” 

“It’s supposed to feel like you’re getting head… sorta,” She said in thought, “It kinda does, like a little bit… wanna see if you like it?” 

“Yeah, p-please?” 

“That’s cute.” 

She brought her free hand up to roll your nipples between her thumb and pointer finger, making you whine out and squirm and arch your back. Your eyes fluttered closed.

You felt the gentle vibrations on your inner thigh before they slowly trailed up with every twist and pinch Ellie gave your nipples. Your hips started bucking up before she brought her hand down to slap your pussy. You let out a loud moan as your eyes shot open to meet her dark ones.

“Stop moving.” 

“C-can't help it,” you said with pout. 

“Yeah, you can.” 

You let out a huff, and she gave your cunt another wet slap, much harder. You squealed loudly as your legs squeezed shut.  

“Don’t get a fuckin’ attitude.” 

You whimpered a sloppy slew of apologies, but you knew she wasn’t hearing it as she pried your legs apart with one strong hand to slap it one more time before slowly rubbing your clit. Your hips jerked, but you forced them not to lift.

“You get so fuckin’ wet,” she whispered in awe, the sticky noises of your pussy filling the room as she played with it. “Hear that? Shit.”

“Missed you s-so much— “ 

“Know you did.” 

You moaned her name, and she mockingly moaned yours back. It made you leak more. 

You felt her spread your lips open so she could watch your clit throb and jerk in need. You looked down and saw her eyes glued to your cunt, her freckled cheeks tinted red and her wet, pink lips parted. She looked up at you, smirking when she met your intrigued, needy eyes as she placed the vacant part of the vibrator over your clit.

“Like watching?” 

“Think so,” you shyly mumbled out. 

And then you felt the vibrations on your soaked bud. You gasped as your eyes closed. 

You felt her pull the toy away before she slapped your clit. You cried out as your eyes shot open to meet hers again.

“Watch me. Don’t close your eyes.” 

You jerkily nodded; You watched her so closely. She kissed your clit before spreading them with her fingers to bring the open part of the toy to your clit, trapping it inside once more. 

Your bud was surrounded by the pulsing sensations of the soft silicone and your eyes almost rolled back into your head, but you craved Ellie’s praise, her reassurance. You wanted to be good for her.

All you could do was moan and shudder and watch her.

“Feels good?” 

“Feels s’good, baby—” 

“Yeah? Want some more?” she said fondly with a filthy glare. 

You mumbled out a quiet yeah, wa’more! in between your pleas. 

She pressed another button on the toy, and the vibrations got stronger. Your cries got louder.

“Sloppy fucking pussy.” 

The tight pull in your gut was building, but you needed more. You wanted to pull on your nipples so bad but you fucking couldn’t! Why did you want your hands tied so badly? 

“El,” you barely got out between your heavy pants, “can you—mmh!” 

“What?” 

“T-ouch my tits? Please, m’right there!” 

She snickered at you before reaching up to slap one of them, leaving remnants of your slick on the soft skin. That wasn’t what you were expecting, but you want more of that! 

“Hit me more?” you keened, your eyes glossy.

“You asking?” she snickered, and you nodded so fast. 

She shook her head at you, “You’re gross.” 

For her! You’re so nasty for her her her—

You received another slap. And another. Then she reached up to dig her nails into your brown bud. You couldn’t stop your eyes from rolling back, it hurt so good.

“Shit, m’gonna cum!” 

“Uh huh.” 

All you could do was moan out warnings of s’coming! and I feel it! and yes! It built and built until you could taste it and—

 … Everything you felt stopped. And Ellie was laughing. You were going to cry. 

No… nonono—

“Told you to keep your eyes open.” 

“E-Ellie, please no, I can’t— “

“Y’know, I was hoping you could follow simple instructions,” she cut you off as she moved towards the pile again, grabbing her… fat fucking dick, yes finally yesyesyes—

And lube… and an emerald green buttplug with a matching… remote? Oh, fuck—

“You don’t know how to fucking listen, do you?” She tossed the items next to you before grabbing your shaky thighs to pull you closer to her, your head dropping onto the soft mattress. You laid flat on your back as she loomed over you, your legs on either side of her. 

She watched your twitchy hole produce more slick, “Don’t even need to get you ready, could just slip right in and fuck you how I want.” 

“Wan’you to! Wann’it so bad— “ 

“Yeah? Want me t’use you?” 

“Fuck yes! Yeah!” 

“Keep these fuckin’ legs open, then,” she grabbed her dick and stood to step into it, adjusting the straps securing them around her hips. She climbed back between your legs as she intensely stared at your tits. She looked so deep in thought, brows furrowed with her bottom lip between her teeth; What the hell was her evil brain conjuring up?!

She gave your breast one last burning slap that made you cry out before grabbing the lube off the bed. You watched as she ripped the cap off, pouring some into the palm of her hand to bring down to her dick to massage it into the ridges. Your walls were squeezing so tight, your pussy begging for whatever she was about to do.

You almost flatlined on her bed when she straddled you, climbing up your body until her dick rested between your tits, the lube she smeared all over it transferring to your skin. Her thick, wet tip was almost touching your chin, and all you could do was gape at it before slowly blinking up at her, meeting her burning gaze. She bit her lip as she slowly tipped the bottle of lube, letting the thick consistency land your chest before she rubbed it into your skin with her cock. You felt so fucking dirty! 

“Stick that tongue out,” she ordered deeply as she closed and tossed the lube bottle. 

Your lips parted on command, your tongue slowly sliding between the two of them. She grabbed your face in a tight grip before letting a line of spit slip out of her mouth and onto your tongue. You felt it slide down your tongue before you happily swallowed

it. You lolled your tongue out, silently asking for more with pleading eyes. 

She sneered at you before she did it again, getting it all over your chin and cheeks. You couldn’t stop the whimper that left your mouth. She let a blob out onto your tits, mixing with the lube. 

But then you felt a fiery hand come down on your cheek, your head flying to the side as you let out a choked gasp. Your thighs clamped together on instinct as your walls quivered at the sting. You felt her place a hand on the side of your head, keeping it still as her nails dug into your scalp. 

“G’na fuck these tits s’good,” you heard her groan out. Your cunt throbbed in desperation. 

“Wan’ you to!” 

“Beg me to,” she hissed at you. 

“Please, baby, pleasefuck’em!—“

You felt her squeeze both your wet tits in one tight hand before she forced her dick between them, both of you letting out moans in between the squelchy noises from your bodies.

Her grip in your hair tightened as you heard her pleased sighs, her slurred curses, her whines of your name, why were you getting so tight, why did it feel like you were about to cum—

“Fuuuck, babygirl, feels s’fuckin’ good—!”

“E-El, please— “

“Yeah? What does my girl need? Wan’ some fuckin’ attention?” You hated how hard your core squeezed at her belittling tone. You nodded as fast as you could in her tight grasp. 

“Not g’na til I cum, you’re gonna fuckin’ lay there’n let me do what I want, tha’s what you wanted right? Huh?” 

More hot tears were falling to your hairline as you quietly sobbed and pleaded for her to touch your pussy, but she wasn’t hearing any of it. She released the grip she had on your head, but she just shoved her drenched, lubricated fingers into your mouth. Your eyes fluttered shut as you hummed around them, sucking them deeper.

“Gonna fuck that throat so hard one day, swear to god.” 

You hummed and garbled pleas around them in excitement. 

“Shit! Need that? Just wan’ something in that pretty mouth?”  

You nodded, you kept nodding, you want anything she’ll give you. 

“G’na fucking cum, all over that gorgeous face,” she gritted out as she snatched her fingers from your mouth. Her wet hand flew to your tits, pushing them closer together so that she could fuck her dick into the little hole she tightened. 

“W-Wan’ your cum, daddy!” you encouraged her as you watched, you needed her to cum!

“Shit, baby, stick your tongue out,” she whined out as she grinded her dick between your tits. Your eyes opened and your tongue immediately started swiping across her tip whenever it came up to your mouth. Her hips jolted and stuttered on top of you as she watched you, and you watched her. You hurriedly sucked her rubber tip into your mouth and sucked sloppily like you were trying to milk her. You knew she couldn’t feel the suctions, but you saw her eyes roll back into her skull as she let out a loud moan. She was bucking her hips into her strap as her nails dug into your tits. You kept the tip in your mouth as she rode out her pleasure. 

She looked so pretty and soft: fluttery lids, swollen lips, and her dotted cheeks flushed as quiet whines left her mouth. So pretty, she’s so fucking pretty—

Her tip suddenly slipped from your mouth as she scooted down your body. 

“K-Kiss?” you asked softly, voice unsteady.

She didn’t say anything as she leaned down to connect your lips. It was light and careful, both of you breathing into each other's whines. She made sure to check on you, mumbling an okay? against your mouth. You whined out a yesyeah m’okay before you reconnected your lips. 

You kissed for what felt like hours before she sat up to move off you. 

“W-Wan’more,” you mumbled with pleading expression. 

“Okay, babe.” 

You watched as she scooted down, shuffling until she was between your legs. She held one of them up with a hand under your knee to press it to your chest, playing with your entrance with her free hand. You felt her slide a finger in and your mouth fell open, your walls clinging to her the deeper she prodded. You were stunned at how fast she found that spongy spot inside you, and you squeezed her tighter. 

“Loosen up, can barely fucking move.”

You couldn’t do anything except wail out incoherencies about how fast you were going to cum, and you felt her slide another finger in. 

“Nuh uh, hold it.” 

“Can’t, Ellie, fuck— “

“Yeah you can, hold that shit.” 

You tried you tried, but you couldn’t. All you could get out was a cry of stop, baby! stopstopstop before your peak washed over you. 

But the pleasure left as fast as it came as she pulled out with a tsk, another slap landing on your pulsing clit. You sobbed her name, tears running down your temples.

“Couldn’t even hold it for a few seconds?” She scolded, and it made you and your pussy cry harder. 

“Stop crying,” you felt her releasing the tight grip from under your knee to softly wipe your tears off your face. “Look at me.” 

Your glossy eyes slowly peeled open, taking in the sight above you.

“Good?” she asked softly, and you nodded with a whimper of m’okay, El, I like it so much! please fuck me!

“Yeah? Babygirl wants some dick?” 

“Yes! Pleasefuckmee—!”

You let out a groan when you felt her dick slap on your pulsing bud. You were spewing pleas and curses and cries of her name; you wanted her inside! Wanted to feel her so deep in your stomach! 

You couldn’t help but lift your head to look down at her cock sliding between your folds, her thick tip nudging your clit with every thrust.

How were you about to cum from that alone? Your eyes were fluttering from the pleasure. You whimpered out a warning of your impending orgasm.

“You gonna cum from this? M’barely doing anything.” 

You couldn’t speak, you just nodded. Your mind was hazy and racing with thoughts of her at the same time, your core clenching tight. Yeah, you were going to cum! 

“Daddy—!” 

“Fuuuck yeah, need me, baby?” 

Your eyes rolled back so far back you swore you could see your brain shaking its head at you in disappointment, and you came so fucking hard. You felt her tip push past your spasming entrance as she quickly rubbed your clit with her thumb as it hit you. That stretch made you scream, and your head fell back. 

“S’so big!” You couldn’t even register what you were saying, your burning orgasm taking over your mouth. 

“Gonna be my good girl’n take it? Gonna make me proud?” Her voice sent another wave through your body as it shook in painful pleasure. 

“Yeah, daddy, m’your good girl!” 

“Then lemme in, love, c’mon,” she whispered out over your moans and groans and squeals. Your orgasm was still ripping through your body, your wetness dripping down your ass and onto the new puddle on the blanket. She was tearing you open with every shallow thrust, but you took every ridged, veiny inch like you were meant to. 

“Good, baby? Talk t’me,” she said gently, halting her thrusts as she caressed your thigh.

“M’sti—m’stillcummimg—! “

She scoffed a wet laugh at you and went even deeper, “I feel it, squeezing the fuck outta me. Dirty fucking whore.” 

You felt the balls of the strap resting against your ass as you slowly came down. She was all the way in, slowly pulling out only to push back in. Her tits were slightly jiggling in her bra every time she bottomed out. Your hands wriggled in the fabric; you wanted them in your mouth so bad. 

“Wan’touch you, daddy, please?” you moaned out in a gasp as she fucked back into you, stretching you out. 

“Touch me where?” She asked, thrusting deeper. 

“Mmh! Your tits, please!”

She huffed smugly before fucking into you faster. She brought her hand up to her chest, squeezing one of them through her bra, “These tits?” 

“Yeaah, fuck!” You could already feel another orgasm twisting in your gut at the painful stretch. 

She mumbled out an uh huh as she slowly pulled the elastic up, her breasts slowly dropping out. She slowed her thrusts and brought her other hand to pull the cotton over her head, throwing her head back as both hands played with her nipples. Her moaning made you moan and fuck, you were in love! 

“Lemme go, El, fuck!” you pleaded, your hands pulling at the restraints. How was such fragile cloth so resistant!

“Shit, baby, feels s’fucking good,” you watched her pull and twist them as she whimpered your name as she ignored you. She’d stopped thrusting to play with herself, only slowly grinding her hips into you, so you planted your feet on the bed to thrust your hips downward, clumsily bouncing up and down on her dick as you watched her. 

She looked down at you and sneered, “Yeah? Wanna fuck me?” 

“Yes, w’na make you cum, daddy.” 

“Here, baby, gimme your hands,” you halted your movements bringing your arms to hers. She tore the knot in your panties and tossed them before slowly pulling out fully, a nasty shhlck! filling the room. You were so wet. 

She leaned above you, reaching over your head to grab some pillows, setting them beside you. Her tits were in your face, so you slowly brought an inexperienced hand up to touch one softly. You gave it a gentle squeeze, bringing your other hand up to rub into the other. She let out a satisfied sigh of your name. You leaned up, boldly taking a soft nipple into your mouth. You sucked at it softly as your eyes fluttered shut, swirling your tongue around the sensitive skin. 

“Shit, tha’s so good,” she moaned out before pulling at your now sweated out hair. You gave her one last hard suck before your head fell back on the bed, her mouth instantly connecting with yours in a spit-filled, smacking kiss. Her tongue was sliding all over yours before you sucked it into your mouth, making her moan into your mouth. She brought her hand up to wrap around your throat, gently squeezing the sides. She pulled back with a look of concern on her face, grip immediately loosening at your whimper, but you brought a hand up to cover hers on your throat, squeezing tighter. Your eyes nearly crossed when she hummed with a knowing smirk, pressing her middle finger and thumb into the sides again. She pulled away, licking your bottom lip before bending down to whisper in your ear. 

“Turn over.” 

You stumblingly flipped onto your stomach as she shoved two plush pillows under your hips to support them, even though you were poking your ass out towards her anyway. You felt her slap it playfully before kissing it. 

You felt her hands pulling your cheeks apart like she told you to do to yourself earlier. You felt her staring and it made your heart beat faster. 

“Okay, El?” 

“Mhm, just looking.” 

You looked at her over your shoulder, “You can… um… y’know?” 

“No, I don’t know,” she snickered. 

“What… what you said earlier?” 

“What’d I say?” 

“About me! The thing you said!” 

“Want me t’eat your ass?” She said in between kisses on your cheek. She was grinning so hard. 

“…Y-yes?” 

“Then ask me.” 

You looked forward with a harsh sigh, “You’re so annoyi— “

A tight hand grabbed your hair to pull your head back roughly. You let out a pained moan at the ceiling before you felt her lips at your ear, “What’d I tell you about that fuckin’ mouth?” 

You instinctively pushed back on her with a whine of m’sorry daddy!

“No, you’re not, you keep talking shit’n it’s pissing me off. I’ve been trying to be nice t’you.” 

Nice?! She almost made you black out with one orgasm! 

You didn’t have a response, but your eyes actually did cross when you felt a thumb prod your ass. 

“Should just shove m’dick in here, huh? I bet that’d get you to shut the fuck up,” she spat out and your back arched deeper at her proposal.

You felt another glob of spit land on your other hole, her thumb immediately circling it before popping the tip of it in. You let out a loud moan at the intrusive sting. 

“Been wanting me to fuck this ass since I said it, haven’t you?” She rasped at you. 

“Yeah!“

“Yeah!” She mocked you in a squeaky tone. “You’re disgusting, who woulda thought you would like this type of shit.” 

Her thumb was fucking in and out of your hole as fast as she could manage. You shouldn’t like how much it hurts, that burn shouldn’t be making your orgasm build up again. 

She let your hair go and your head flopped onto the pillow in front of you. Your nails dug into it when you felt her dick line up at the entrance of your pussy before she shoved it in. You let out a muffled shout.

You didn’t have a chance to adjust before she started fucking into you hard. Squelchy noises, slaps of skin, and your screams of pleasure immediately filled the room, her headboard knocking against the black walls. It was so fast and hot and made you feel cheap, and you fucking loved it. It made you feel desired. 

“This is what you wanted me to do in that fuckin’ closet?” 

“Yeah, daddy, fuck!” 

“Wanted me t’fuck you up? Make you m’fucking bitch?” 

“Uggh! El—!”

“Shouldn’t even be fucking you in this bed,” She groaned out, grinding her thumb deep into your ass.

“Should’ve bent you over that dinner table, right in front of that fucker.” 

The imagery of Ellie fucking into you in front of your asshole of a waiter, making you scream out in front of everyone eating and drinking, claiming you as hers so that they know who you belong to made you see white. You bit down on the pillow in front of you as bursts of wetness left your cunt and splattered onto your thighs, the pillows, and Ellie’s dick. But she didn’t stop, you felt her go faster. Hit deeper.

“M’cu-mming!” you screamed, shouts of prickling pleasure muffled by the material in your mouth.

“Yeah? Tha’s making you cum? Wanna get fucked in public like a whore?” 

“D-ahh! Fuckme!”

“Baby’s so stupid for this dick,” Her tip was hitting your fucking cervix and it hurt so good. You were about to cum again! “Who’s pussy is this?” 

“S’your pussy! S’daddy’s pussy!” 

“Keep sayin’ that, s’gonna make me cum so hard,” she groaned out, her thumb leaving your ass and ripping the pillows from underneath you, your hips dropping onto the bed. You felt her push back into you, her chest on your back as she grinded deep into you. Her arm came around your neck, your throat right in the crevice of her elbow as you let the pillow fall from your mouth. Your nails were digging into the covers as your cunt gushed on her.

“You’re getting so fucking wet. Like when I fuck you up? Treat you like shit?” 

“Yeah yeahyeah—!” 

“Make me cum, babygirl,” she whispered in your ear. “Fuck me back, c’mon.” 

You pushed back onto her as best as you could as she grinded forward, even though it was quick and sloppy and desperate. She started moaning out fucks and like thats and all you could mumble out was slurry s’yours, daddy! because you knew she liked it. Her voice on its own was getting you there.

“Fuck, m’gonna fucking cum— “

“Uh huh! Cum in me, daddy pleasepleaseplease!” you squealed out in dazed excitement. You want her cum you want her cum! 

“Fuuuck, babygirl, s’coming—!”

“Please make my p-pussy sloppy?” you could barely get your pleas out as your mind fogged. You couldn’t even bring yourself to feel embarrassed at your eagerness for her cum, and by the way Ellie shouted your name in your ear as her body shook on top of yours, she must’ve somewhat liked it? Right? 

Your second thoughts quickly died as you fucked back onto her, helping her ride out her orgasm. She was crying out as her nails dug into your shoulder, and the sharp pierce made you cum again! You let out babbles of her name in your pleasure. You were both messes in each other's arms, you pushing back while she pushed forward, trying to make it last as long as you could before it died down.

You let out wet groans as she grinded you both to the ends of your orgasms, and you collapsed. 

You felt a light kiss on your shoulder before Ellie gently pulled out of you, falling onto the bed so that you were side by side. You both tried to catch your breath in your exhaustion. 

After minutes of heavy breathing and light caresses from Ellie, you reached under to grab the object that was digging into your side. When you saw what it was, your eyes widened, and stomach twisted. 

You heard Ellie laugh softly next to you, “We didn’t get to use it.” 

You paused as you stared at the buttplug that she’d thrown on the bed, the faux emerald at the end of it shining under the green fairy lights. 

“It’s pretty,” you said in a hoarse whisper. 

“Mhm,” she nodded. “Feels good, too.” 

Your toes curled.

“What’s it feel like?” 

She smiled, “You sound cute when you ask that.” 

You shook your head and grinned shyly, “I’m just curious, I assume it’s… nice, or whatever! People on Twitter always talk about it.” 

“Yeah, it’s really fucking nice.” 

“Have you used it?” She nodded. 

“Course I have, used all of ‘em.” 

“Tell me what happened!” you said, dropping the toy on the bed before giddily flipping onto your side to face her. It made her giggle; You loved that sound. 

“I was… like in this sex shop in Cali, and the cashier was like ‘heyyy, your orders over a hundred dollars, you can get a free item, blah blah blah’— “ 

“Not that, you bonehead! I mean when you use it!” You both let out loud laughs. 

Her smile dropped slowly before she whispered, “Came really fuckin’ hard the first time I tried it, like… really hard. Swore I saw god.” 

Your core squeezed in intrigue. You listened closely as she continued, “Like, I was still cumming even after I switched it off. There was a giant puddle on the floor when I finally stopp—.” 

“Ellie?” you softly cut her off.

“Yeah, honey?” 

“Can you… will you… I wanna try?” you said as your face burned, hoping she would accept your poor proposal to take your… other virginity. 

You watched a sly grin slowly grow on her face.

“Lemme go check on Duchess’n smoke.” 

You nodded slowly with a fluttery blink. 

It was almost midnight, and you were laying next to Ellie on her couch in her Lauryn Hill shirt as you nursed a bottle of water. You watched as she exhaled the smoke from her pre-roll. 

After chasing Duchess around the kitchen and living room, you both covered her in kisses before filling her food bowl and shutting the guest door as she ate. 

“Such a nice view,” you mumbled as you gazed out the large window. You’d never been fond of the city: you always appreciated the stillness of your town, the close community where everyone knew each other, but the scenery in front of you almost makes you want to change your mind. It was always so lively and bright, even in the darkness. 

“Right? When I first moved in, I slept in front of the window for weeks. The noise helped me sleep a bit better and the lights are pretty,” She said quietly before taking a puff. You listened and watched as she exhaled the smoke. You sat your bottle on the floor before speaking.

“Can I try?” 

“You know how?” She asked impishly with a raise of her brow as the remnants of her puff left her mouth and nose. 

“Fuck you! I know how to smoke, I just choose not to!” 

“Right,” she said with an eye roll, gently tapping the ashes off on the ashtray in front of her before passing the joint to you. 

You propped yourself up on your elbows before taking it between your thumb and pointer finger, watching the smoke leave the lit end before sticking it between your lips. You only inhaled for a couple seconds before pulling it from your mouth, softly coughing. 

You slowly turned your head to look at her for approval, finding that she was already watching you. Her hair was still damp from earlier, her lips were swollen, and she was still in her boyshorts. 

“Meh. Still a fucking rookie,” she said in a light tone as she wet her lips. You shoved her shoulder with yours, making her laugh. 

“That strain’s supposed to make you horny,” she whispered, attempting to grab the joint from you. Something nasty curled in your gut at her tone, mindlessly bringing the joint back to your lips and inhaled some more before she could snatch it. You held it much longer than the first puff before choking on the carbon, making her laugh at you. You felt her pat your back gently through your coughs. You passed it back to her and she took it with a shake of her head. 

After she smoked her joint down, she bolted upstairs, swiftly returning to the couch with full hands. 

You flipped onto your back as she pressed the button on the buttplug remote, and it immediately started pulsing. She smirked down at you. 

“There’s a couple settings, we can try ‘em all and see which one you like the most, ‘kay?” 

You nodded eagerly as she switched it off and threw the toy on the couch next to her dick and flavored lube. She straddled you, grabbing your face in both hands to connect your lips in a soft kiss. You hummed into her mouth before she pulled away. 

“Lemme give you head first, though.” 

“S-sure.” 

She hummed before smacking her wet lips onto yours. She planted wet, sucking kisses on your jaw, neck, and shoulder before she moved down your body. She lifted the shirt you had on just under your tits before she went crazy on your clit. She was flicking and licking and sucking between your legs as your fingers ran through her soft hair to pull her closer. Your moans and noises of your pussy as she fucked you with her tongue and fingers filled the entire first floor of her home. You came so quickly on her tongue, squeezing the muscle and fingers in a bone-crushing grip. You could tell she liked it as much as you did by how she moaned into your cunt. 

After you came down, Ellie instructed you to hold your legs up so she could see your ass. They were pressed to your chest, both your arms tucked into the crevice of your knees as Ellie prepped you for the toy. 

She’d rubbed some of your cum in before she spat on it, and now she was drenching her fingers and opening in the lubricant as you watched. 

“Just relax, ‘kay?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded. You were a bit nervous, but your walls were clenching with want. 

She nodded before gently rubbing your drenched hole with her pointer and middle finger, making you sigh. You felt her slowly push a finger in and you immediately started to squirm. Your body was so hot already. 

“Okay?” She asked you gently. 

“Yeah m’good,” you said in a wanton sigh. 

She grinned before kissing the back of your thigh. You felt another finger at your entrance before a burning sensation took over when she slowly pressed it in, and your head dropped onto the cushion in a choked gasp. 

“Yeah? You like this shit?” She asked snarkily, but shock was evident in her voice. 

“Y-yeah, El, like it!”

“So fucking cute, gonna fuck this ass so hard,” she whispered out, grinding her fingers deeper before pulling them out to squirt more lube on them. 

She slowly pushed them back in and the lack of resistance made your toes curl. 

“Do me a favor?” 

“M-mhm?”

“Get that nice’n wet for me,” she said, shoving the emerald plug in between your twitchy fingers. You gripped it tight, releasing the hold you had on your legs so you could spread them. You brought your free hand down to your drippy cunt to spread the lips, exposing your clit. You slowly dragged the toy up and down your folds, a quiet, squishy sound joining the already sloppy noises in the room from Ellie’s fingers in your ass. 

You could see her watching with a blush on her face, licking her lips as she prodded another finger at your clenching opening. You could feel the stretch more as she slowly popped the tip of it in, so you distracted yourself. You propped yourself on one elbow to bring the plug down to the entrance of your cunt, slowly fucking it into you. The silicone ridges dragged on your walls, and it made your eyes roll as you moaned softly. Ellie let out a shocked moan as she watched you fuck the plug in and out of your pussy. She leaned forward to spit on your clit, and you brought your shaky hand down to rub it. She mumbled curses out. 

“Thinking about me fucking this pretty pussy? Wan’me t’split you open again?” She hummed out messily. She was just as fucked up as you were, and it made you squeeze. 

“Yeah, daddy,” you moaned out softly, fucking the toy into yourself faster as Ellie fucked three fingers into your ass. “Shit!” 

“Uh huh, nasty slut, look at you milking that fuckin’ toy.” 

You picked up the pace of your shallow thrusts and she matched you, fucking even harder into your ass. You brainlessly brought your wet fingers up to your tits, roughly grabbing at both your nipples in attempts to mimic Ellie’s hands on you. You felt the familiar pull in your gut, but it was so much stronger, and you knew it was going to hit you hard. You were going to cum so quick! 

“Ellie,” you could barely get your squeaky warning out, “Thi-think m’gonna, g’na make a m-ess!” 

“Yeah, wan‘it baby, make me wet— “

“M’gonna—!”

You cut yourself off with a sharp gasp as colors exploded behind your eyelids, the hand at your tits slamming onto the cushion to dig your nails into it. Your shouts of pleasure overtook the sputtering sounds of wetness that shot out of you. You pulled the toy out and rubbed quick circles on your clit with it, making you release more juices all over Ellie’s expensive couch. She didn’t even seem to care with how hard she was still fucking your ass, whispering nasty curses at you, talking you through it, calling you sloppy, calling you hers. Your legs were trembling as both holes quivered in release. 

Your sprays were starting to die down with the circles on your clit, Ellie’s fingers slowing. 

Your eyes slowly peeled open, and you were met with her… high ass ceiling! You smiled as you felt her place kisses all over your thighs. 

“Tired?” she mumbled out against your knee. 

You slowly shook your head when you regained your ability to move.

“Wan’more.”

And she smirked. 

Ellie moved you onto your stomach, —if she kept fucking you like this, you were going to die! — your face shoved into her cushion so you were surrounded by her scent. Your ass was, once again, propped up on Ellie’s expensive fucking pillows that you were about to stain with your sopping cunt, but neither of you cared. She was lubricating the plug from behind you, the gooey noises from the slippery liquid filling your ears. 

You should’ve never hit that fucking aphrodisiac of a joint when she passed it to you: you never wanted to have sex so fucking bad in your life. You just lost your virginity a few hours ago; What’s happening to you?!

You couldn’t think of anything except Ellie and cumming and Ellie’s cum! You wanted her cum inside you so bad, you want to drown in her with every chance she’d give you—

“Ready, baby?” 

“Yes, daddy, m’ready, need it s’bad,” you muffled into the cushion, your cheek squished against it. You sounded so… far away. 

“Listen t’you, all floaty,” she murmured. You could hear her grin through it, it made your toes curl, “Feelin’ good?” 

“S’good, daddy, fuck me please?” 

“…Look at me, babe.” 

You used all your energy to lift yourself up onto your elbows turning your sweaty, thoughtless head towards her, gazing over your shoulder and into her gentle, concerned eyes. She’s so beautiful—

“Baby?” 

“Hm?” 

“Why're you smilin’?” 

“M’happy,” you felt yourself grin harder. 

“Yeah?” 

“Mhm,” you nodded lightly. “W’na fuck.” 

“‘Kay,” she nodded, her searching gaze still lingering on your face. “Tap my thigh twice.” 

You reached a limp hand behind you, immediately following her instructions. 

“You do that when you wanna stop, okay?” You nodded, you felt like a bobble head. You want her in your guts now. 

“What're you gonna do when you wanna stop?” 

You paused.

Then tapped her thigh twice. You dropped your head on the cushion again. 

You felt her kiss down your back. You sighed happily. 

She slowly rubbed your clit and you jolted, before pushing your hips back onto her fingers. She was planting gentle kisses all over your back and shoulders to relax you. You let out a whine at the feel of her lips on you. 

Then you felt the silicone on your hole. You moaned into the cushion in excitement and anticipation, you needed it to pulse inside you so badly. 

“What’re gonna do when you wanna stop?” She repeated, her breathing heavy. 

You slapped her thigh a bunch of times. You needed her to know you wanted it. You needed this so badly! You needed to know she wanted you!

Then you felt her pop the tip of it inside you. You cried out in appreciation as your holes clenched tight, trying to suck the toy deeper into you. She was pressing soft kisses all over your spine as she slowly pushed it in. You hadn’t realized that you were grinding your clit into the soft fabric of the pillow under you.  

“Such a good girl, taking it so easy,” You felt her push the last little part of it inside your ass before the little jewel at the end of it was poking out of you. It was so foreign, but you couldn’t help the satisfied sighs and soft cries as you pussy dripped all over her pillows and couch. 

You felt her plant one more kiss at the end of your spine before you felt the vibrations stir in your ass. 

“Fuck, oh god! M’—aah!”

“Yeah? Feels fucking good, doesn’t it?” 

You didn’t even have the ability to think of an answer before you felt her dick poke at the entrance of your cunt, slowly sliding in. Every wire in your brain went into overdrive as the pulsing of the toy and her cock rattled your insides in unison. She was slowly fucking her dick into you, sliding in deep so her tip bumped into your cervix, making you let out a muffled shout into the couch cushion. 

“Fuckmedaddywan’itharder—!”

Your quick babbles were cut off as she sped up her thrusts, both her hands planted at the end of your back so she could rock you back and forth on her dick. She was drilling you, your slick coating the balls of her strap. You felt yourself slowly drifting away, your eyes crossed in your head and drool spilling down your cheek. All you could think about was Ellie. EllieEllieEllie—!

“M’right here, babygirl, I gotchu,” she cooed at you as she dug you out and you went limp. You heard the gushy sounds of your pussy and fuck, you were going to squirt so hard you felt it in your toes—

You felt the vibrations in your ass increase and you let out shouts of bliss, her tip beating your cervix just how you needed with every thrust. For the first time in your life, your brain was silent: no doubt, no loathing, no anxiety. Just pure ecstasy. You felt so fucking full. Full of her and joy and love! You love her and you never wanted her to leave you again. You love her you love her—

“M’yours, daddy, promise!” Tears pricked at your eyes as that hot feeling grew in your stomach. Your heart was pounding, and you couldn’t think, you just rambled as pleasure and happiness and love rushed through you. You were about to cum, all over her, all for her—!

“Shhh, I know, baby, it’s okay— “

“Don’t wan’anyone else! M’yours, always yours!”

You don’t remember when, but Ellie had pulled out of you. And the vibrations stopped. But you were still riding that edge, this close to your peak. Your fists clenched tight, and your hips bucked back to meet hers even though she wasn’t there to catch them. You heard Ellie gently call out your name from your side as she rubbed your back in attempts to slow your fuzzy babbling, “Look at m— “

“Always loved you, daddy, always been you, m’yours, m’all you— “

You cut yourself off with moans of her name and incoherent shouts and sobs of love you so much! I love you! as your orgasm ripped through you. Your thighs trembled as colorful specs of glitter exploded in your vision. You heard yourself screaming out as wetness splattered all over you and the couch and everywhere, and it didn’t stop. Your euphoria was so strong, your clenching cunt spraying as your ass squeezed around the plug shoved deep inside you. You were just shaking and crying and cumming and cumming and cumming—

You don’t know how much time passed, but you were still shaking as tears rolled down your cheeks. You couldn’t feel the plug inside you and Ellie’s strap was gone: you were pressed against her bare chest, your tits pressed together as she held you close. She was rubbing your back as she pressed gentle kisses to the side of your sweaty head, gently humming in your ear. You slowly brought your arm up to limply throw around her waist. You couldn’t say anything.

“Hi, honey,” She barely whispered in your ear. “Can you look at me?” 

You slowly shook your head. You felt her kiss your head again. 

“S’fine, just breath, okay?” 

You nodded again. And your eyes welled up some more. 

She must’ve heard your sniffling because she immediately pulled back to gently caress your cheek. You tried to turn your head to hide in the cushion, but she wasn’t having it. 

“C’mon angel, it’s just me, okay?”

You slowly redirected your gaze to hers, your vision blurry as you studied her features. You cried harder, sobbing as you nestled into her shoulder. 

She didn’t press you after that, she only held you tighter. She whispered gentle shhhs and s’okay, baby, m’heres as you wept into her sweaty skin. 

You know she heard your confession of your long-lasting feelings for her, and even though she didn’t seem upset with you, you couldn’t shake the embarrassment, confusion, and despair that overtook you. 

But she held you. She held you so tight. 

After your gasped sobs eased into soft whimpers and shaky exhales, Ellie guided you upstairs and into her bathroom, strong arms wrapped around your waist to steady your uncoordinated movements. 

She lifted you onto the counter and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead before moving to the shower to turn it on. All you did was stare at her black towel hanging from the wall rack. You still couldn’t think. 

You heard her shuffling around before she moved back to you, easily easing you off the counter and into the shower, making sure to place you under the warm water first. 

You gaped at the droplets sliding down the shower wall and she rubbed the lathered sponge into your skin softly. She littered you with kisses the entire time: on your face, shoulder, fingers, anywhere she could reach. But you couldn’t move, and neither of you said anything. 

After Ellie rinsed you off, she gently dried your coils and face while kissing your nose. You allowed her to wrap you in a towel, gently drying off the rest of your body as you looked off into nothing. 

“C’mon, honey,” she whispered into your ear as she moved behind you, holding onto your waist and walking you to her bed to sit you down, her soiled blanket already discarded on the floor. 

It seemed like everything was moving in slow motion as you gazed around her room: the lights were twinkling like fireflies, her fan in the corner of the room whirring like gusts of wind in your ears, the strings of the rug under your feet reminding you of clouds. 

She softly called your name as she walked in front of you. Your legs fell open so she could stand between them, “Look at me.” 

You took a deep breath before meeting her tender gaze. She cupped your cheeks, softly rubbing her thumbs into them, “You needa eat and drink something, okay? Want some water?” 

You nodded.

“Is it okay if I leave for a sec— “

You shook your head quickly as tears filled your eyes at the thought of her leaving. You need her close, you need her here with you—

“Shhh, not gonna go, not leaving, I’m right here,” she comforted immediately, planting more kisses all over your face. 

“Want some clothes?” You shook your head, and she nodded gently. She gave your lips one more kiss before ushering you to stand. She walked over to her dresser and grabbed her pine-scented lotion and ointment. She moved behind you, rubbing the soothing cream on your ass before moisturizing your skin, the pine surrounding you. You calmed down at the smell.

“Okay, baby, come lay down.” 

She grabbed your wrist gently as she moved you to your side, telling you to lay on your stomach as she pulled a new blanket from her linen cabinet. You obeyed silently. 

You were instantly surrounded by warmth as she tucked you into her forest-scented covers. You heard her shuffling behind you before she walked around to her side in a new pair of boxers. 

She laid next to you, pulling you into her chest as you breathed her in, sighing contently into her skin. She smelled so fucking good! You grinned.

She must’ve felt it as she pressed kisses to your head, “What’re you cheesing for?” 

You shook your head and grinned harder, nestling deeper into her neck. She laughed lightly. 

“We’ll talk in the morning, okay?” She whispered out to you.

You nodded, eyes shut. 

You dreamt of pine-filled meadows. 

OOOOOOWEEEE alright bookies that’s it :p i already got ideas 4 the next part LOOOOOL so yeah gonna start writing that soon. hope y’all liked it and the wait 4 the real smut was worth it. lots to comeeee 

hope its proofread enough lol i always think that it is n then i go back and see a bunch of errors

pt. 6

shoutout to my wittle taglist🥺 love yall so bad n thank u for being interested in this little project i created :D @fandomshitpostingqueen, @nymphetkoo, @sawaagyapong , @gold-dustwomxn , @amitycat , @nil-eena , @elsivy , @constellieationn , @letsreadsomesins-shallwe :3

[ivnxrori]

When Sun and Moon meet - S2

Zuko x Fem!WaterBender!Reader Enemies to Lovers

As one of the Princesses of the Northern Water tribe, you were blessed with a gift by the moon. However you were permitted to be allowed to use the gift at all costs. From many hidden waterbending usages, the aftermath of the avatar visiting the Northern Tribe had led to your beginning journey, hiding yourself as a water bender as a princess from the Northern water tribe

Warnings: fighting, trapped, breakdown, attempted suicide

Masterlist

҉ * ‧͙ ⋆ ⁺ ༓ ☾ Chapter 8 - Failed

I grabbed the paper against the wall, a missing poster of Appa with a picture of Appa and Aang in boxes. Where did Appa go? I looked around to see a bunch of the same missing posters flying around and found someone who I didn't want to see. Zuko. He was holding the same paper as me, as well as looking around to see where these papers even come from. I snatched the paper from his hand causing him to turn around. “What do you think you're doing?” Zuko glared at me. “You came to Ba Sing Se just to track the avatar?” I spat. “How is that your business?” “Because your trying to capture someone that benefits your father only”

“I'm the son of the Fire lord-” “Yes I know that! which is why-” “Lee!” The old man said out loud, calling to Zuko. “Lee?” I questioned as Zuko groaned. “Okay, whatever your name is you can't just constantly chase the avatar forever” I whispered so only he could hear. Zuko turned around and reached behind my head, making my eyes widen at the contact till he yanked my hood down. “Ow!” I yelped. “Do you want people to find out about your identity?” Zuko scolded as I glared at his attempt of ‘keeping me hidden’. “You could have been more gentler” I scoffed while he rolled his eyes. “Anyways, I was just saying that your just wasting time finding the avatar” “Wasting time?!” He spat “You wouldnt understand the situation i'm in” “No I wouldn't” I stated more confidently than I should have which made Zuko look at me dumbfounded. “But I feel like you getting the avatar won't actually fulfill you” I attempted to stop him “I got banished from my nation, having a scar to prove my humility and you get everything that you want yet you chose to run away!” My eyes widened at his anger “You’re pathetic, still wanting to go to the fire nation after getting ejected” I hissed but looked to my side and saw a girl, who was quite nervous. She had two braids and was wearing the earth kingdom attire. Zuko looked towards the girl as well, feeling awkward. “Oh…Lee, who is this?” She looked towards me with saddened eyes. My mouth was dry as I couldn't come up with an earth kingdom name. “Limi” Zuko squeaked “Also…part of the uhh circus”. I glared at his stupidity, Limi? Really? And Circus?? “Yep im Lee!” I presented smiling and slightly bowing “Now I have to go do my circus-ie duties” I waved off but not forgetting to glare at Zuko once more and left to get Aku.

  ҉   ☾

“Alright Aku, let's go see Sakari, '' I said softly, ushering Aku to start moving. My mood was left completely sour from that occurrence. I didn't leave for no reason nor did I get everything I wanted. Sure, my past was probably not bad unlike his but it's not like I get everything. Oh well I shouldnt take his words to heart, it's just Zuko. “What in the world is that?” I turned Aku to get a better look at the lake, though I swore I saw something. “Let's take a closer look” Aku starts moving down to the lake. I hop off finding my surroundings quite suspicious. I take a closer look at the water, using my water bending to split apart the liquid to different sides. Before I saw what was there a whole wall came in front of me. I turned around and saw the Ba Sing Se guards. “You must have figured it out” a man with a deep voice and a black mustache with black hair tied back. “No I haven't” I said “yet”. I immediately take advantage of the lake behind me, using it to block the rocks coming towards my way. Using my waterbending to wrap around the guards ankles, making them fall back. Everything was going well until I felt the rock hands behind my wrists. I yelped in surprise, feeling them lock behind me. “Whatever you're hiding from your people isn't going to last long.” I spat. “It's better for Ba Sing Se” “Oh really?” I mocked. I felt tugs behind my wrist and internally panicked. Oh no where are they even taking me? “Let me go!” I yell, my eyes widened slowly by Aku getting hurt by the soldiers attempting to capture him. That was my last straw, I immediately tried to moisten the rocks behind me with the water in the air softing it for me to either manipulate or melt off. Luckily it was near a lake so the moisture was able to melt the rocks off. I ran to Aku, shoving the people behind me with water. “Even if you go back to Ba Sing Se no one will believe you” I glared at the man. I felt enemies coming towards me with their bending, I closed my eyes and lifted my hands from the impact but I felt none. I opened my eyes and saw them. Their eyes were widened in shock. My arms fall to my side only for their whole being to fall on the ground. This time, it was my turn to be shocked. “Her hair!” One of the guards said. I looked up to see my hood completely off, I immediately pulled it down which made the other soldiers get up in relief. What in the world is happening. “Not only she’s a princess, she is a blood bender” The man glared which made me look up in shock. A bloodbender? The waves of anxiety caused rain clouds from above. This is not the best time right now. From the few seconds of shock, I felt the rock hands fill my whole hand, to my wrist to prevent me from using any form of water bending. “Wait! Stop!” I scream attempting to resist. The rain becomes heavier as the soldiers glare at the clouds in annoyance. How come I'm so slow when it comes to this? My resistance faded when I felt the water consuming my vision.

“Y/N? I don't think she’s fit to be a princess” “Her personality just doesn't…fit”

Huh? What are these voices? I opened my eyelids with some struggle, groaning as I got up. Where am I? I look at my surroundings, the best way to describe it is me…being on a cloud. Everything felt foggy, just faint silhouettes of my people. “Shame it was Yue who died instead of Y/N”. My eyes widened as I looked down miserably. “She is a betrayer in the end” “Poor Chief Arnook”. I attempted to speak up but the whole environment turned pitch black. I couldn't see anything around me. “You expect the water tribe to respect you” an eyeball outlined in white popped up. I flinched and moved back, glaring at it in confusion. “You’re the one that left us after all” The eyeball blinked. “Wait! I can come back!” I tried to compromise it, sweat dripping behind my neck. “Don't even think about it, you're not welcome here.” I'm not welcomed? To my own nation? A wave of people came back, including my father, Sivoy and Yue. They all looked at me in disappointment, I felt tears coming down my face. “Please…say something” I scream desperately. “I can't believe my own daughter left her family” My father said, taking Sivoy. I trembled, falling down on my knees. “Yue…please” I beg, praying she would say something encouraging. “You left me, Y/N…how could you?” Yue glared at me. I said nothing, just went down looking at the floor. “Things haven't changed Y/N, still the selfish, self centered, princess.” the voices kept repeating against my ears. “You should have died back there Y/N” I gripped my hair, silently praying for them to stop.

I woke up, breathing heavily. Sweat dripped off my face onto the cold rock floor. I got up attempting to run away but I felt a force stopping me. The jangling already gave me the hint. I was chained to the ground around the wrists. “Let me go!” I scream as loud as I can, attempting to break the chain. “I need to prove it to my family! To my nation!” I cried out loud, trying to get someone to hear me. “I'm a princess…im a princess…” I move my forehead against the rock cold floor. I sniffed heavily, trying to keep my breathing stable. I lifted my head up, trying to scan the weak part of the chain. Luckily I was able to navigate it and kicked it with my foot. I was tired, really tired. “Should I even go back home?” I lean back to look at the ceiling. I really have no one…

  ҉   ☾

I managed to get out of that horrible place with ease. I was able to use one of the teachings Sakari gave me for closed areas. Trying to find gaps with oxygen, since this area was under water it had more water moisture in the air which I was able to find an area to exit from. I pushed back the lid where it was originally there and looked around my surroundings, There was no one…not even Aku. All my motivation to explore was gone, I didn't even want to meet Sakari anymore. I lean my head against the floor of a slope and rethink my dream. Was it just a nightmare? Or was it true? I usually brush off horrible thoughts but that…sounded too real. They were right too…I haven't changed at all. I left my tribe, I'm a traitor. I'm not some regular person, I'm a princess who left her duties for her own selfishness. This is such a stupid adventure, I haven't found what I needed at all. I just found what I already lost. “You should have died back there Y/N” I heard it again. This is a sign. I stood up from the ground looking at the sky, thank god it isnt night. I walk towards the water, stepping in. I felt the coldness around my legs. I continued to walk towards my key to make everything better. This is for my people.

<- Back - Next ->

a/n: Hello!! Sorry fro not uploading im trying to upload once every week but it will be delayed a lot!! Im going to try to upload this on my own feed so uh y eah!!! Hope yall had fun really and take care of yourself! Holy shti im tired

--

taglist: @luvkvni @katovano @karmaswitch @someonesmember @velvet-spider @sh3sa1dwhat @nerdisthenewcool @meiraloves2dmen @fqnfics101 @iluvme547 @leaderwon @yukihatesreoyo @heart4hees @4l3x1s @kkissaku @corpsebridenightamare @newjellis @fatkish @pbeckn26 @jasminesacademia

[klutzyroses]

Sorry to bother I adored your panuck attack headcanons and was wondering plesse van you do it for the other suitor as well ? 🙏 Thank you Have a wonderful day 😍

I wasn't entirely sure which suitors you wanted in particular so I picked 4. Have a wonderful day~

IkeVamp HCs: Panic Attack pt.2

Suitors: Arthur, Isaac, Comte, Vlad

Arthur

As frivolous as one may have the impression he is, when the time really calls for it, he will step up.

When the woman started to get anxious, he picked up on it immediately. Being as observant as he was, he noticed the telltale signs.

Jittery movements, agitated breathing, flushed face, all the signs of an incoming breakdown. The mystery author has had anxious patients before, it was nothing all that foreign to him.

Stopping a panic attack as it begins is no easy feat, so he knows its better to either prevent it, or do damage control.

He would gently guide her away and sit her on his lap, rubbing her arms as he whispered soothingly to her.

"Let's breathe luv. Deep breaths, there you go, my darling..."

He cupped her face and encouraged her to focus on him. When she calmed, he praised her and made sure she was alright, having her drink something warm and keeping an eye on her mood afterwards.

He would basically be the best comfort.

Isaac

Okay...he is a bit hopeless here at first...

He genuinely felt at a loss when she started to hyperventilate and quivering, behaving like a cornered animal ready to attack and defend herself.

To be honest, he had half the mind to find Napoleon, he always knew what to do but...

He couldn't allow another man to take care of his woman.

So, to the best of his ability, he tried to handle the situation himself. He took her to his room and sat alone with her, holding her hand. He hoped the quiet place would sooth her frayed nerves, drawing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.

He kept this up until her hand tightened around his, indicating she was regaining her control.

"Are you...okay now?"

He hesitated to tell her that seeing her like that had been scary, he had thought for a moment she was having a heart attack.

From then on, he would be just a tad more wary about things that could frighten or unsettle her.

Comte

He had seen so many tragedies, disasters, horrors that had jaded him to that sort of anxiety, to the point he nearly forgets that his cherie was not quite of the same metal.

When she started to fall apart, he reacted immediately, taking her in his arms when her legs gave out, shielding her in his embrace.

He had her listen to his calming voice, tenderly brushing her hair from her face as he pressed his forehead to hers, bring one of her hands to his lips.

His eyes never left her teary, wide ones as his presence started to ease her anxiety. Her vulnerability both hurt and touched him at once, feeling a surge of protectiveness.

"Mon diamant, your tears make my heart ache, tell me what can I do for you?"

Once he had her breathing calmly, he asked her if she wanted to leave, quick to comply when she says she does, cradling her to him as he wrapped her in his coat. As soon as they were at home, he has Sebastian make her a relaxing tea.

He would not leave her side until he knew she was completely at ease again.

Vlad

If he were to be honest, he himself was no longer familiar with the concept of panic and anxiety. Perhaps, after living so long, through the things he had, he was numb to that sort of thing.

That didn't mean that he wasn't quick to react when his love started to succumb to fear.

Trembling, whimpering, labored breathing, erratic movement.

Behavior that reminded him that his beloved was just a human being. She seemed to fragile and breakable.

Leaning down to her, he brushes her forehead, using his abilities to fill her mind with pleasant sceneries, flowery meadows and mesmerizing lakes, anywhere to take her mind away from what so frayed her nerves.

When she was calmer, he pressed his lips on her forehead.

"I am here, my flower, don't be afraid."

He would shower her with love long after the attack passed, simply because he felt she needed that extra bit of doting.

🌸

[bunnyshideawayy]

cassian. great man, wonderful friend, absolutely terrible mate.

we have seen Nesta’s sisters, who arguably have less of a reason, defend her more than Cassian has ever thought about. HELLO?

my issue with cassian acosf and onward is that we are truly expected to believe they he deeply understands Nesta when he’s been shown time and again to never stick up for her and never fully trust her. he does nothing to help her over come and face her traumas / depression, she’s left to do that on her own, but best believe he’s down to fuck and make her hike! (no sarah sex and physical exercise are not cures)

after reading the entire series once and now twice seeing Rhys threatening anyone who dares breath wrong in Feyre’s direction under the guise of just “protecting his mate” i find it extremely hard to believe cassian allowed or even sides with anyone who speaks ill of/to Nesta or threatens her- all of which Rhysand and most of the IC (besides her sisters and Az) do, most of the time while directly in front of cassian in conversations he’s involved in. the most he does is…pout a little? throws a hissy fit? the two times i can remember him even remotely stick up for Nesta he immednantly backtracks as soon as Rhysand pushes back, both times the final decision being put in Feyre’s hands, this continues even into CC3 (and let’s thank the mother Feyre loves her sisters which is something ik yall nesta haters can’t stand.)

let’s move onto something i know yall don’t want to talk about, his verbal abuse. “oh but nesta also said-“ we know what she said, that is not the point. if this man knew all along nesta was his mate and truly wanted to help her heal from her traumas and depression why did he take every chance he could to provoke her? Nesta called Rhysand an asshole, and he IS especially to Nesta, and instead of keeping silent as he does when Rhys/the IC harshly critique her, he immediately gets angry and in her face to defend him. funny he can’t do that with her, his MATE? or let’s talk about this scene

oh okay! that’s totally something you say unprompted to your mate who is severely depressed and traumatized because she won’t eat! she’s totally not shaking because she’s triggered! then to add the lecture “we’ve been here before, too” oh okay! so you admit you know what she feels like (very doubtful although i’m not going to compare their traumas, both are valid he just does not understand her like he thinks he does) it’s patronizing and a little frustrating. she doesn’t want to be there in the first place, purposely throwing a sensitive subject in her face will not magically motivate her or cure her- she is simply doing what she has no choice in. she has been stripped of all autonomy, humanity, and “normality”- she feels alone and valuable in a way she as never felt before and she has NO HELP. none!

i’ll end with the hike. yay more physical activity as punishment- but if i said that was abuse yall will bring up the pregnancy so ill do it for you! Yes, Nesta was wrong to tell Feyre THE WAY SHE DID, she had every right to tell Feyre about her own body and pregnancy, it just shouldn’t have happened the way it did. everyone knew it was wrong to keep it from Feyre, even Cassian, so instead of forcing her to hike a mountain as punishment to ware her down mentally and physically he couldve stood up for both Feyre and Nesta to Rhysand the moment he threatens to KILL NESTA. a simple “hey buddy you knew it was wrong to keep that from Feyre you can’t kill my mate for telling her even if it was out of anger” would suffice. not once during their entire hike or during her breakdown does he reassure her, not even when she is tearing herself apart because she doesn’t feel worthy. don’t even get me started on what happens in CC3.

over all i think Nessian is great and they have some great moments, the end of ACOWAR lives rent free in my mind but i am incredibly disappointed with Cassian. i do feel like Nesta deserves better from everyone (besides Feyre and Elain who, again, are the only ones who i truly believe love her unconditionally.)

anti nesta’s this is not a safe space for you.