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bnha-thots · 6 years

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Soft Touches (Bakugou x Reader)

Length: ~1.2k

TW: Swearing, Major fluffiness

A/N: I’m sorry this one got away from me anon. Hope you enjoy it!!

Mod Ness 🤗💕

A cool gust of wind blew in from the courtyard windows, curtains dancing lightly around the glass panes. Shivering from the chilly air, you cuddled closer into your boyfriend’s hard chest. The thin, soft fabric of his t-shirt allowed you to feel the heat of his skin, your goose-pimples greedily accepting his excessive warmth. Sighing contentedly, you turned the page of the magazine resting on your thighs, smoothing down the spine as you continued to devour the article line-by-line.

It was the perfect, lazy Sunday morning; the dorm’s common room was unusually quiet, save for the sounds of a few birds chirping outside, as most of the other students were out enjoying the beautiful day. Taking the opportunity to spend some alone time with your beau, you sat together on the couch basking in the peace and stillness of the moment. Resting on his lap, you leaned your side against him as you read about the latest in hero news. Bakugou, scrolling through his phone with one hand, wrapped his free arm around your lower back, his hand finding its way up the back of your sweater to rub small, comforting circles into your skin.

Blushing at the feeling of his calloused fingers dancing across your skin, you tossed your magazine to the side. Throwing your arms over his shoulders, your deft fingers began playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Following suit, Bakugou set down his phone, his newly free hand finding your knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. Looking up, Bakugou’s crimson stare was already boring into yours.

Bakugou, by nature, wasn’t the most affectionate guy around; his pride made it difficult for him to reveal the more intimate parts of himself. Fortunately, he always made his feelings clear through his actions— whether is be subtle romantic gestures or soft touches, Bakugou found a way to let you know how he felt inside, despite his sometimes harsh tone, name calling, and foul language.

Bakugou was a pro at sneaking in small caresses here and there to show you how much he really cares. Sometimes it was simple brush of your shoulders as you walked down the hallway at school, or threading your fingers under the table at lunchtime— he would even whisper sweet nothings in the shell of your ear when you sparred together during hero training… Of course, if there happened to be any prying eyes, Bakugou would treat you just like he did anyone else. He just hated anyone seeing him acting so weak…

And to be honest, that was just fine for you. You knew the real him; the soft, passionate, loving side of Bakugou that nobody else in the world got to see. It felt so special to be that one person for whom Bakugou let down his walls, and you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Bakugou’s rough voice interrupted your train of thought.

“Earth to shitty girl! What, am I not interesting enough to hold your attention??” he quipped.

“Ah— sorry Katsuki. I was just thinking…” you whispered, looking down shyly. “I feel really lucky to be your girlfriend. I… I don’t know why you chose me of all people, but I’ve never been happier in my whole life,” you admitted, cheeks lighting up in embarrassment.

You felt the pads of his fingertips brushing some loose strands of your silken hair away from your eyes. Gripping your chin between his thumb and forefinger, he lifted your face up towards his. Bakugou’s eyes were always intense and mysterious, but in this moment, his ruby red hues were filled to the brim with love and emotion.

His eyes darted all over your face, taking in your features before leaning forward. His soft, warm lips brushed against yours in a sweet kiss. Pulling away, Bakugou gave you his signature scowl.

“Stop being such an idiot,” Bakugou said gruffly.

You poked at his cheeks, giggling as his frown deepened.

“Oh yeah? Well what if I don’t wanna?” You replied coyly, arching a brow.

Bakugou let out a low growl before attacking you with his fingers, tickling your ribs with reckless abandon. Flying off of his lap in a fit of laughter, you ran to the other end of the couch, Bakugou in hot pursuit.

You desperately tried to outmaneuver him, but Bakugou was too fast; lunging forward, he grabbed you around the waist and tackled you to the floor, protecting the back of your head with his hand as you fell. You landed on top of each other, legs tangled together. You let out a melodic laugh, smiling up brightly at Bakugou. He stared back down at you, cracking a small smile himself.

Bracing himself to hover above you with one forearm, Bakugou raised his other hand to gently cup your cheek, rubbing your skin with his thumb. Bakugou leaned in closer, his warm breath fanning over your face; just before you kissed, he whispered onto your lips,

“I love you…”

It was so quiet, you thought your mind was playing tricks on you. Bakugou almost never admitted his feelings out loud; it set your heart ablaze. As the sound of your heart beat rushed through your ears, you reached up to cup his cheeks softly with your palms.

“I love you too, Katsuki.”

Pulling his face down to meet yours, you kissed each other passionately on the cool wooden floor.

A few seconds later, you heard a series of loud thuds.

Bakugou’s head snapped up towards the commotion. Feeling something hit the top of your head, you reached up to pick up the offending object.

“An orange….?” You asked curiously, holding the fruit in front of your face. Craning your neck, realization hit you. From your upside-down perspective, you saw four unmistakable pairs of shoes, and a paper grocery bag that spilled onto the floor, a variety of snacks and produce littering the hardwood.

Scrambling into a sitting position, you both blushed fiery red as you avoided Kirishima, Mina, Sero, and Kaminari’s gaping stares. When had they come in? You didn’t think anyone would be home for a while…

Mina was the first to break the awkward silence with an ear-piercing squeal.

“AWWW!! Who knew Bakugou was such a romantic???” The pink girl said dreamily, clasping her hands together. The other three boys stood there, trying to hold back the laughter that was already shaking within their chests. Kaminari was the first to start cackling aloud, bending forward and slapping his knee in amusement.

“Bro—! I can’t believe you get so soft and mushy with (Y/N)!! Wait ’til everyone hears about this!” The electric boy said in between gasps for air, wiping a tear from his eye.

Jumping to his feet, Bakugou stomped towards his friends.

“Oi! Listen up! If any of you extras say anything, I’ll blow your asses through the fucking roof! Got it?!” Bakugou screamed, small explosions popping form his palms threateningly.

You giggled at the scene before you, blush slowly fading from your cheeks. Poor Bakugou… he was never gonna live this one down.

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waitineedaname · 5 years

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Lightning Round, Take Two

kudos to @notedchampagne for inspiring this!!

also on ao3

“This is a terrible idea.”

“It’ll be fine.”

“She’s going to hate me.”

“She’ll love you.”

“Love me? Love me?!” Karkat all but shrieked. “I don’t know if you’ve realized this, Dave, but I don’t exactly make the best impressions! In fact, one might even say I make the worst impressions! We’ll be lucky if she doesn’t end this visit early because she can’t stand being around me because I have the personality of a deep seated pimple!”

“Damn. The kind it hurts to pop?”

“Yes! The kind of pimple that never forms a head and settles on your upper lip so it hurts every time you move your mouth! That’s what my personality is like: persistent, painful, and pus-filled!”

“The three P’s.” Dave mused, and Karkat shot him a scowl. “C’mon man, don’t sell yourself short. You’re like a blackhead at the worst.”

“Don’t pander to me, Strider.” Karkat grumbled and crossed his arms, but he didn’t complain when Dave slung his arm over his shoulders. “I still think this would go much better without me.”

“Nah, dude, trust me, this is the best option. I mean, best case scenario, if I did this by myself, she’d be like ‘omg do u have a bf’ and I’d be like ‘yeah’ because that’s part of what I’m tryna do here, tell folks about us, but then she’d want pictures even though she’s definitely met you, and then I’d have to show her all those cute pictures I took of you when you weren’t looking, and I know you don’t want that.”

“You what?”

“You didn’t hear that.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and leaned a little closer into Dave’s side, eyes tracing the little carapacian homes they were walking by. Dusk was falling, much to his relief; they both had to make compromises when they realized their species operated at different times of day, but he still avoided leaving the hive when the sun was glaring and ready to burn him to a crisp. Dave probably could’ve flown them all the way to Roxy and Calliope’s house, but Karkat hated making him carry him that far (Dave always insisted he wasn’t that heavy, but the strain in his voice never escaped Karkat’s notice), so they were walking the last few blocks. Karkat had a sneaking suspicion Dave was fine with walking because he was trying to delay the inevitable. He was nervous, if the way his fingers were tapping on Karkat’s upper arm or the way he kept clenching and unclenching his jaw said anything. Karkat sighed and unfolded his arms to wrap one around Dave’s waist.

“You don’t have anything to worry about, you know.” He said, surprising Dave into looking down at him.

“What? Who said I’m worried? You’re the one who’s been bitching the whole evening.”

“Because I want to make a good impression on your weird paradox ancestor, shit for brains. I’m saying you don’t need to be worried about coming out to her.” He met Dave’s eyes through his shades, something he’d gotten good at over the sweeps. “Of all fucking people, she’ll be the most fine with it. That’s why you’re telling her first, right?”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just-” Dave sighed and looked away. He was better than he used to be, but holding eye contact was still hard for him, “It’s a big deal, you know? I mean, Rose probably figured it out from living in a confined space with us, and Dirk kinda got it out of context clues, but this is a first using the big B-word.”

“She’ll be fine. And if she isn’t, I’ll tear her apart and at least give her a reason to hate your boyfriend besides my shit-awful personality.”

“Aw, babe, I dunno whether to be flattered you’d attack my mom like a feral raccoon or bummed that you’re trashin’ yourself.”

“How about we compromise, and I’ll stop shit-talking myself if you stop stressing yourself out about this.”

“...Deal.”

“Good. Because I think that’s her house.”

“Oh shit.”

The two of them stopped just outside the elaborate building the carapacians had offered Roxy and Calliope back when they’d first arrived in the middle of Earth C society, both of them brimming with anxiety despite their reassurances. Karkat almost thought Dave was going to say this was too much for him and turn around and fly home, but he unwrapped himself from Karkat’s arm and instead held his hand to walk up to the front door and knock.

“Just a sec!” Roxy’s voice rang out from somewhere inside, and a few seconds later, the door opened to reveal her smiling face. “Davey!” She squealed and launched herself at him, hugging him tightly. Dave, to his credit, adapted quickly and let go of Karkat’s hand to hug her back.

“Sup, Rox.”

Roxy pulled away from Dave to turn towards Karkat, who instinctively took a half step back. She noticed and laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hug you if you don’t wanna. Is a fistbump cool?”

“I don’t know if I would call anything a certain red asshole harangued me with in the early years of our friendship ‘cool’, but it is acceptable.” That made Roxy laugh, and he gave her a light fistbump.

“Karkat, bro, I can’t believe you’re just calling me uncool in front of my mom. What the fuck. What is this betrayal.” Dave shook his head, but he already seemed more relaxed.

“Dave, I dunno how to break this to you, but you’re related to me ‘n Dirk.” Roxy tried to adopt a sympathetic expression despite her grin. “You’ve got dork running through your veins.”

“Goddamn. You’re tellin’ me I’ve got a genetic predisposition for this shit?”

“Yup. It’s chronic. Doctors everywhere’re rushing to write studies on our family to try and isolate the ‘cool-but-really-not-cool’ gene.”

“Let’s hope it’s not replicable in a lab or anything. I’m pretty sure Earth C can only handle four of us.”

“Ohmigod, can you imagine them trying to test it out. Little lab rats wearing shades and writing wizard fic. Holy shit.” Roxy gasped at her own idea, an unbelievably pleased look on her face.

“Oh my dick. Fuck ectobiology, this is the science I want to invest in.”

“Absolutely not.” Karkat interjected. “There’s already enough of you jackasses, I think I’d have an aneurysm if any more blond lunatics were running around.”

“Lol,” Karkat couldn’t believe Roxy just said that out loud, “You’re probably right. Are we gonna keep fucking around about cool mice on the doorstep, or do you guys wanna come in?”

She stepped aside to lead them inside and showed them to the living room. “Callie’s out picking up dinner. I would’ve made something since I invited you guys over for dinner, but living in the water apocalypse did not leave me with many cooking skills.”

“Hey, no shade here.” Dave shrugged, plopping down on the couch with Karkat at his side. “I don’t think I’d be able to work an oven if I tried. We’re a strictly take-out household. Hivehold? I dunno, but we’ve barely touched the kitchen in the week we’ve been here.”

“Excuse you, I made those Hot Pockets yesterday.” Karkat countered sharply.

“Yeah, and they were like 30% cooked, dude. You put them in the microwave for thirty seconds and then panicked.”

“Fuck you, I don’t see you doing much better! In fact, I distinctly remember you eating those frozen pizza pockets like a ravenous barkbeast! It was like you’d been locked in a cave with nothing to eat for half a sweep and my delicious plate of folded sauce treats were the only thing saving you from a miserable, malnourished death!”

“I mean, a Hot Pocket’s a Hot Pocket. I’m not gonna turn one of those fuckers down, who do you think I am.”

“I think you’re a wiggler with no sense of taste.”

“You eat bugs.”

“And you put ranch on your pizza! Bricks and glass houses, Dave!”

“Dude, do trolls even have that expression? Aren’t y’all light sensitive? Why would you have glass houses?”

“Newsflash, dipshit, I’ve lived in close proximity for the majority of the past two sweeps with an overflowing fountain of pop culture references and idioms and an uppity seer that likes to make things as convoluted and difficult to understand as possible. I picked up a few human phrases! Uh, no offense, Roxy.” Karkat added at the mention of Rose.

“None taken! I’m pretty sure she gets that from Dirk anyway.” Roxy waved him off. “Take it back to the ranch on pizza thing tho, do you really do that? Is this some earth delicacy I missed out on?”

“Oh fuck yeah, it rules. You gotta try it some time.” Dave nodded, excited to get someone else to try his food crimes.

“Imma have to take a pass on that.” Roxy said, crinkling her nose.

“Finally, someone with taste!” Karkat exclaimed, and Dave gently hit his shoulder.

“I am slowly workin’ through traditional earth food tho! Or at least as traditional as you can get here. That’s where we’re getting dinner from! There’s this human/troll fusion place that Callie and I like. I dunno how authentic it is, but it tastes good at least!”

“I mean, nothing on Earth C is super authentic, it’s all like human diet slightly to the left, but it’s edible.”

“Better than the garbage we alchemized on the meteor, at least.” Karkat agreed.

“God, the fucking buffalo wings debacle.” Dave and Karkat shuddered in unison. Roxy looked amused.

“You guys spent a lot of time together on the meteor, right? And now you’re living together?” Roxy asked, and they both nodded. She had a look in her eyes that was far too reminiscent of the look Rose got when she was gearing up to psychoanalyze someone, and Karkat was hit with a stroke of panic. “Sooo, I should prob’ly do a lightning round with you too, right? Since you’re important to Dave?”

The pair shared a look and Dave shrugged, appearing nonchalant despite the way he was anxiously picking at a loose string on his jeans. “Uh, I guess?” Karkat said, bracing himself.

“I’ll start easy, I promise!” Roxy drummed her fingers on her lips as if thinking. “Hm… you’ve got ‘cat’ in your name, do you like cats?”

Karkat made a face, thrown off by the question. “I guess? I never had one, but Nepeta was pretty fucking into them, and they seemed… fine. I can respect a meowbeast that just lazes around if it’ll leave me the fuck alone, but Nepeta’s lusus could’ve probably torn me to shreds, so…” He shrugged.

“Was Nepeta a friend from the game?” Roxy backpedaled the moment she saw Karkat’s face fall. “Oh shit, tender subject, sorry.” She worried her lip, looking for another question, then perked up. “Oh! What’s your sign? I know it’s Cancer from earth astrology and stuff, but what’s that mean for trolls?”

Karkat looked down at his chest and grimaced. “Fuck if I know, I don’t actually have a sign. I spent most of my life thinking this stupid thing meant precisely fuck all. I guess it’s a symbol of my ancestor? But I never really learned much about him since the empress always tried to erase his rebellion, and I thought that ancestor shit was highblood bullshit anyway. I guess now I know it’s not, but ugh, I could’ve happily gone my whole wretched life without meeting that douchebag.”

“We met his ancestor in the dream bubbles.” Dave explained. “Or I guess descendent? Since y’all are technically the post-scratch group? I never really understood that part.”

“Doesn’t fucking matter, he was a pretentious asswipe with his head so far up his nook it’s a wonder he was even audible, but oh god, was he audible alright.”

“Lmao, I kinda wanna meet this guy.” Roxy grinned.

“No you don’t.” Dave and Karkat said in unison, which made her laugh.

“I’ll take your word for it.” The mischievous look was back in her eyes. “Next question! Have you ever had your quadrants filled?”

Karkat almost choked. “What the fuck kind of question is that? That’s none of your fucking business!” He blustered. “My quadrants are private, and it’s my decision if I want to bring them up! Are all humans this fucking nosy or is it just the Lalondes?!”

“It’s just the Lalondes.” Dave said flatly.

“I just thought it’d be fair since I asked Dave that in our lightning round!” Roxy put her hands up in apology, but didn’t look particularly apologetic. “I was curious!”

Karkat was about to continue his rant about people feeling entitled to knowledge about virtual strangers’ quadrants, but the way Dave sat up and cleared his throat gave him pause.

“Actually, Rox,” Dave started, fidgeting a bit, “I never answered that question back on the lilypad.”

“Yeah, but that’s okay!” Roxy brushed him off. “I’m not gonna push you to answer something you’re not comfy with.”

“That’s the thing. I wanna answer you now, if that’s cool.”

“Oh!” Roxy’s eyes widened. “Of course that’s cool! That’s cooler than cool.”

Dave lifted an eyebrow, a smile pulling at his lips despite himself. “What’s cooler than being cool?”

“Ice cold!” Roxy shouted at the top of her lungs, and the two of them chanted “alright” about a dozen times while Karkat watched them in bewilderment. Humans, he thought. He’d never understand them.

“Okay, but for real tho,” Roxy said once they’d both gotten a handle on their giggles, “You wanted to say something?”

“Yeah.” Dave almost immediately looked anxious again, running his hands over his jeans. “So. You asked if I’d ever kissed anyone or-” He cleared his throat and the rest came out in a mumbled cough, “-been in love.”

Karkat held his breath, eyes flicking between Dave and a very focused Roxy.

“The, um. The answer to both of those questions is… yes? And I know you’re wonderin’ who, that’s like the next logical question, like if you ask someone if they’re hungry and they say yes, your next question is probably gonna be ‘what do you wanna eat’, unless you’re a total dick and just wanted to, I dunno, be aware of someone else’s hunger for your own sick pleasures and leave ‘em waiting like you’re some kinda sick torturer tryin’ to extract information out of a prisoner, like ‘hey are you hungry?’ ‘Yeah, I am, actually. I’ve been hanging from my ankles for a week now and I’d kill for some motherfucking KFC right now.’ ‘Interesting. Go fuck yourself.’ That’s not a very good interrogator, actually, he didn’t even try to get any information out of the guy except for the knowledge that he’s really craving some chicken, which is virtually useless, unless the interrogator is working for KFC’s competitor, like Popeyes out here tryna get the deets on their rival brands. Hey, do you think they’ve got a Popeyes anywhere on Earth C? Maybe we should start one, make a shit ton of money. Really boost the economy.”

“Dave.” Karkat cut him off before he could get too far from the topic, giving him a pointed look. “Were you actually going to say something important or were you going to just talk out of your deflated ass forever?”

“Hey man, you know you love my ass.”

“The point, Dave-!”

“Right right right.” Dave shook his head and took a deep breath before looking at Roxy again, who looked like she was might be putting things together already. “It’s Karkat. The answer to ‘who’, I mean. We’ve, uh. We’ve been dating since the meteor.”

Roxy’s whole face lit up. “Aw, congrats you guys! That’s really sweet!”

“Yeah.” Dave looked over at Karkat and gave him a tiny smile before looking a little apprehensive again. “I’d, uh, appreciate if you didn’t tell anyone though? I mean, the rest of the meteor crew probably knows because we spent… a lot of time together.”

“Most of that was platonic, though. A good two-thirds of it, at least.” Karkat countered.

“True, but they don’t know that. Far as they know, one day we were just two bros hanging out and watching movies and shit, then the next day, Vriska walks in to catch one of those bros taking a snooze on his other bro’s lap and falling off the couch the moment she announces her presence.”

“I’ll give you three fucking guesses which dumbass that was.” Karkat directed that at Roxy, and she snorted.

“Rude.” Dave nudged him. “But yeah, they’ve probably figured it out, but we haven’t officially told anyone. I haven’t even told anyone I’m, you know. Bisexual.”

“Wait, so I’m the first person you’ve told?” Roxy looked a little stunned.

“I- Yeah? I just thought you’d probably be a safe person to go to, especially since we don’t have any weird baggage like I might have with John and Jade, you’re just my alt-mom, which I guess does make things a little weird-”

“It’s a little weird, but it does mean you get a certified mom hug!” She interrupted, standing up.

“A mom hug? Dunno if I know what those are like.” Dave said, smiling a little.

“They’re like this, you big goober.” Roxy pulled him into a tight hug, pulling him down a little so he could put his head on her shoulder. “I’m proud of you, Davey. That’s a big deal, comin’ out and shit. I’m glad you felt like you could tell me.”

“...Thanks mom.” Dave’s voice was a watery mumble against her shoulder, but he seemed to have collected himself by the time they pulled away. Roxy immediately turned her sights on Karkat.

“Your turn! You’re family now, you can’t escape hugs anymore.”

“Ugh, you humans are so fucking tactile.” Karkat grumbled but resigned himself to Roxy’s affectionate squeeze.

“Hey man, don’t act like you’re not cuddly as hell. I have to pry you off of me with a crowbar to go take a piss sometimes. You should see this dude when he gets sleepy, Rox, it’s so fucking cute. Did you know trolls purr? It’s some kinda flushed noise or something and it’s the fucking best.” Dave seemed to already be relaxing now that the thing he’d been dreading was over with.

“That’s private!” Karkat hissed, embarrassed. Dave just grinned at him and sat a little closer when they took a seat again. “Do you want me airing out how you melt like a touch starved candybar left in the sunlight when I suggest you should be the little spoon? Or how you turn into a warbling puddle of Dave when I do this?” He reached over and out his hand on Dave’s knee, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles. Casual affection, Dave’s weakness.

“Aw,” Roxy cooed. Dave looked thoroughly embarrassed and made a strangled noise in his throat. Karkat gave him a smug look.

“Shut up.” He grumbled weakly and scooted a little closer so he could press against Karkat’s side and hold his hand.

“So you guys are matesprits?” Roxy asked, and Karkat’s anxiety immediately returned. Dave wasn’t the only one who had coming out to do. Dave squeezed his hand and let Karkat start since this was his thing to discuss.

“Mostly?” He offered weakly, then tried to sound more certain. “We’re kind of pale too.”

“Plus I piss you off in a pitch way sometimes.” Dave added helpfully.

“And the way you kept me from tearing Vriska apart on the meteor was sort of ashen.” Karkat admitted.

“I mean, there wasn’t really much of a chance of you tearing her apart to begin with. Spidertroll could’ve probably kicked any of our asses in her sleep, she’s fuckin’ crazy.”

“My point still stands!”

“So…” Roxy interrupted, guiding them back on topic, “You’re in all quadrants? I didn’t know trolls did that!”

Karkat winced. “They don’t. Usually. It’s extremely frowned upon.”

“Karkat’s had trouble keeping shit in one quadrant.” Dave explained for him. “He’s got a big ol’ heart full of love.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only person in Paradox Space to come to that conclusion about what my useless fucking pump biscuit is full of, but thanks for the thought.” Karkat rolled his eyes, defaulting to annoyance to avoid the insecurities that always gnawed at him when he thought about his relationship with quadrants. “‘Full of love’ is usually not the first thing people describe me as. More like ‘full of a burning anger’ or ‘a perpetual stream of irritable piss’ or, hell, ‘just undiluted dumbass juice!’ As far as most people are concerned, I’m Karkat ‘useless shitfit’ Vantas, and they’re not fucking wrong!”

“Okay, sure, you might be the grumpiest person in all - what, is this five universes now? I can’t keep track, but that doesn’t mean you’re not secretly a big softy.” Dave rubbed his thumb over Karkat’s knuckles. “I know that best out of probably anyone.”

“If it helps, I don’t think of you as those things!” Roxy added. Karkat gave her a disbelieving look.

“Full offense, we’ve never really ‘hung out.’”

“I mean, no, but I’ve seen you interacting with Dave and John and Kanaya and stuff, and you’ve always seemed to be a caring friend underneath all the yelling.” Roxy shrugged. “It’s nice knowing Dave’s in good hands since I’ve only been part of his family for a couple weeks. Means I don’t have to give you a shovel talk prob’ly!”

“The shovel talk? What the fuck? What does that even mean?” Karkat looked at Dave for an explanation, but he only winced.

“You know, when parents meet their kid’s partner and are like ‘you better not hurt my baby, or I’ll kill you.’ That kind of thing. I’m guessing trolls didn’t do that on Alternia?” Roxy tilted her head, seeming genuinely curious. Karkat’s face contorted as he wrapped his head around that concept.

“Okay, first of all, no we didn’t because we didn’t even have parents and our lusii wouldn’t give two shits about our quadrantmates. Second of all, you better not even think about giving me your ridiculous human ‘shovel talk’! I’ve known Dave far longer than you have, so it really should be me going ‘don’t fucking hurt him,’ but I know I don’t need to because Dave can fucking handle himself! He doesn’t need your bullshit defenses! If I ever hurt him, I trust him to be able to tell me to fuck off out of his life - not that he’d ever need to because I’d rather establish a culling system in the Troll Kingdom and offer myself up as their first sacrifice than hurt Dave!” He took a deep inhale to continue his tirade, but Dave cut him off with a pat to the cheek.

“Yo, dude, shoosh, it’s okay. It’s really not that big of a deal.” It was only after Dave cut off his train of thought that Karkat realized how worked up he was getting, and he shrank back down against Dave’s shoulder, embarrassed. “I’m pretty sure Roxy was kidding, anyway.”

“Yeah, for sure!” Roxy nodded quickly. “I didn’t mean to imply you were gonna hurt Dave or that he couldn’t take care of himself or anything. That’s hella not my place, and you guys seem very good for each other.”

“Oh. Well. Good.” He sent her a warning glare just to make sure he’d gotten the point across, then forced himself to let some tension out of his shoulders.

“It is really nice knowin’ my family’s in good hands though.” Roxy smiled. “Hell, it’s nice knowin’ I have a family! Oh my god, Dave, do you realize none of us Strilondes are straight? I mean, Rose ‘n Dirk are both gay as hell, and then you and I are bi!”

“Yeah- Wait, what?” Dave jolted a little in surprise. “Rox, you’re bi too? Since when?”

“Uh, since always?” Roxy laughed a bit. “I thought that’s why you came to me, because you knew!”

“No! Holy shit, I gotta process this for a second.”

“LMAO.” Roxy said, pronouncing every letter. “Yeah, dude! I mean, can you blame me? Like, dudes are hot as fuck, that’s like self explanatory. I mean, have you seen the Englberts? Eglishes? Whatever their family name is, John and Jake are both total babes, but then there are girls too! I mean, Janey, what a gal, right? And Callie too!”

“Right?” Dave enthused, clearly excited someone understood where he was coming from. “Girls are so fucking good, hot damn, but then? Dudes? Holy shit?”

“Yeah!” Roxy was just about throwing herself out of her chair with her excitement. “I can barely leave the house, it’s just smoochable babes everywhere I turn.”

“I’d say it’s a goddamn plight, but I got the most smoochable right here.” Dave emphasized his point with a kiss to one of Karkat’s horns, making him squawk. Dave laughed a little and turned back to Roxy. “Yo, but rewind back to Callie. Soooo, are y’all two, y’know…”

Roxy looked remarkably like Dave when embarrassed. “Uh…” The sound of the front door opening and Calliope’s greeting voice cut her off. “I’ll get back to you on that!” Dave waggled his eyebrows at her but didn’t push it.

Dinner was an enjoyable affair, despite Karkat’s near constant crippling fear of being miserable in every social engagement. The food was good and pretty close to tasting like home, and the conversation was fluid - mostly because Roxy and Dave chattered the entire time like hyperactive squirrels. Karkat tried to be annoyed with their ridiculous stream of consciousness discussions, but he couldn’t help but feel warm watching Dave talk so comfortably with his ecto-mom. And he certainly wasn’t the only person happy with the situation; every time he and Dave started bantering back and forth, he could see Roxy’s delight out of the corner of his eye, and the absolutely lovestruck look on her face whenever Calliope spoke didn’t escape him either.

Eventually, though, they had to head home - though Dave and Karkat had both shifted their sleep schedules to be active in the afternoon and most of the night, the majority of their human friends were still diurnal and needed to go to bed eventually - so after a few more hugs from Roxy, they were sent on their way.

Dave landed them down the street from their hive, and Karkat didn’t complain about having to walk that last distance. The Troll Kingdom was just now starting to wake up, stores and restaurants lighting up, trolls in suits rushing to their early jobs, and young trolls getting ushered off to school. It was so different from Alternia, but Karkat thought he could probably get used to the differences if it meant he didn’t have to worry about getting culled at a single glance at his blood color. Maybe it was too early to tell, but if he let himself feel just the slightest bit optimistic for his future, he had a feeling he could be really happy here. He could live a peaceful, successful life on Earth C, and if the cheerful way Dave was swinging their clasped hands meant anything, he wasn’t the only one feeling hopeful.

“So,” He prompted, leaning into Dave’s shoulder, “I guess that could have been more horrible.”

“Yep.” Dave said, popping the ‘p’. “We’ll have to scrap those emergency plans. Cancel our name changes and facial reconstructions and flights to the other side of Earth C, no need to run away immediately.”

“I don’t know, we might have to keep that shit pencilled in. We still need to tell John.” Karkat reminded him, and Dave groaned.

“Oh fuck. Yeah, never mind, you sure we can’t just fuck off into another universe? Universe D here we come. The D stands for Davekat ‘cause it’ll just be us, babe. It also stands for Dick because, come on, it’s us, of course it does. Also Dinosaurs just ‘cause. Do you think dinosaurs are a universal constant? Like, did dinosaurs exist for you guys? Or- oh shit, do you think they evolved differently? Are trolls just super evolved dinosaurs?”

“Dave,” Karkat gave him a look, “I think I would know if I was a dinosaur.”

“I dunno, dude, maybe we’re all dinosaurs-”

“Okay, I know when to cut that shit off.” Karkat rolled his eyes and let go of his hand to unlock their door. “Seriously, I think… that went okay. Less than horrid.”

“Less than horrid, huh? That’s a big compliment coming from you, are you feeling okay? Are you gettin’ some kinda fluffy feelings from hanging out with Roxy too long, ‘cause like, I get it.”

“Shut up. All I’m saying is this might not have been as much of an ordeal as we thought, this ‘coming out to everyone we know’ thing.”

“Maybe. You might be right.” Dave admitted, following him inside. “But that involved way too many emotions, and I think all my brain’s been used up for the rest of the day for anything that involves more thought than playing Xbox for seven hours straight. You down?”

“Fuck yes.”

#homestuck #davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #roxy lalonde #calliope's there for like a second #okay to reblog #my writing #this was fun to write!#i. really like writing karkat he's very fun.#also she/her pronouns are used for roxy bc this is pre-them figuring out their gender #this is epilogue non-compliant household but i do want to keep roxy's journey to figuring out they're nonbinary

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scriptura-adrepticius · 7 years

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Flirt - Lin Yanjun

Eep, my first scenario on this blog! Hope you enjoy :)

Pairing: Lin Yanjun x OC/reader

Genre: fluff, very slight angst, high school!au

Word Count: 2.5k

Yanjun’s a flirt, but he spends a little more time with you than most. You’re not sure what to think of that.

Masterlist

I’m in love with this dork

“Oh, shut up,” you grouch, slapping Yanjun’s arm away. “I just want to eat my lunch in peace, is that too much to ask?”

“Probably,” Ling Chao mutters.

“Yeah, it is,” Yanjun replies amiably, sending you a flirty grin. “Hey, Xilin, did you know that the distance between your hands and your shoulders-” he puts on hand on your wrist and the other on your shoulder- “is the same as the distance between your other hand and your other shoulder?” He places the hand on your shoulder on your other shoulder and moves his position so he’s holding you in a hug.

You scowl, cheeks pinking slightly, before tugging yourself out of his grip. “Get away from me.” The words don’t come out with as much venom as you would’ve liked, though.

“We all know you love me,” Yanjun coos, pulling you to him again. You resist, looking to Ling Chao and Yanchen for help. Yanchen takes pity on you and pulls you back. “Yanchen is my savior,” you say, leaning into him.

Yanjun just raises an eyebrow. “Aw, that’s too bad. I guess I need to steal his place then.” He winks before standing up and leaving.

“Why’s he always flirting with me?” you ask, going back to eating your food.

“He flirts with everyone,” Ling Chao says tonelessly. “Have you seen him with Zhangjing? I think they’re married. I’m just upset that I wasn’t invited to the wedding.”

Your heart sinks a little, but you plaster an annoyed expression onto his face. “He’s an idiot,” is all you say.

Yanchen side-eyes you but says nothing in reply.

~~~

“Xilin!” Yanjun sings, sailing to your side as you enter first period. “Missed me?”

“No,” you answer shortly, pushing him away. “Why the hell would I miss you?”

“Watch your language,” Dinghao yells from across the room. “You’re not being a proper lady!”

You glare at him. “Have I ever matched up to the definition of a proper lady?” you shoot back.

“Nope,” Yanjun replies, having recovered from you pushing him away.

“Exac-”

“But you’re the only lady in my heart.”

You stop short, a look of disgust and half-admiration for his sheer amount of guts slowly coming over your face. “I think that’s the worst thing you’ve ever said,” you finally say.

Ling Chao comes in. “What did he say?” he asks.

You look at Yanjun. “You can tell him,” you say, jabbing a thumb at Ling Chao. “I think if I say what you said, I’ll break out in pimples from that pure greasiness.”

Yanjun just shrugs. “Sure. But even if you broke out, you’d still be the most beautiful girl in my eyes.”

You nearly trip over yourself trying to get away from him, but even across the room he send a flying heart and a wink, which you slap away.

There’s no flutter in your chest. Not at all.

~~~

Yanchen and you walk to the bus stop after school, him telling you a stupid story about what happened in his chemistry class today. You’re laughing so hard you’re nearly crying, which is why you don’t notice the boy watching you walk away, a slight twinge of envy in his heart.

“What’s wrong?” Chaoze asks, coming up to Yanjun. “Leng Yanjun’s making an appearance again!”

“Moping over a girl?” Dinghao appears over Yanjun’s shoulder, making the stone-faced boy jump a little. “Stop doing that!” he says, annoyed.

“Doing what?” Zhangjing asks, having only just arrived.

“Appearing over my shoulder like some sort of ghost,” Yanjun replies irritably.

“Yanjun’s moping over a girl,” Dinghao says.

“No, I’m not!” Yanjun denies vehemently.

Zhangjing is very interested. “Who?”

“Dunno,” Dinghao replies. “He won’t say anything!”

Yanjun scowls, a faint blush tinting his cheeks. “Number one, why would I tell you anything? Number two, I had a blank face on and you decided to assume that I was moping over a girl. Does that mean I’m actually moping over a girl? No!”

Chaoze raises his eyebrows and looks at Zhangjing. “Ge, don’t you think that that denial just means he actually likes a girl?” he asks.

Zhangjing looks at Yanjun, who’s facepalming, then looks back at Chaoze. An evil grin spreads over his face. “Definitely.”

“I thought you were on my side!” Yanjun whines.

~~~

“Greasy boys and dumbass idiots and stupid school,” you mutter, slamming books onto your desk.

Xikan, your younger brother, pops his head into your room. “You’re going to break your desk, sis,” he says.

You throw him a withering look. “See if I care,” you challenge.

“What’s wrong?” He comes into your room and sits on your bed.

For a moment, you debate over whether or not to tell him your issues, but seeing as Xikan has been a pretty trustworthy little bro, you decide why not.

“There’s a guy at school that keeps flirting with me but he flirts with everyone and it’s annoying because I don’t know what’s actually running through his mind,” you say, dropping your calculus textbook on top of the tall pile.

Xikan thinks for a moment. “Flirting with you? Who in their right mind would flirt with you?” he asks, a mischievous grin taking over his face.

You give him a death glare. “If you’re not going to be of any help, get the hell out.” You point to the door and the window. “There are two exits. Take your pick.”

“Nah, I’m kidding,” Xikan says, laughing slightly. “Do you want him to like you?”

That question takes you off-guard, and you have to think for a moment before answering. “I don’t think so.”

Xikan raises an eyebrow. “Think about that question. I don’t think you’re sure yet.” He gets up and walks out of your room.

You watch him go, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and annoyance. “You didn’t help at all, godammit!” you yell. All you receive is a laugh in response.

Scowling, you turn back to your pile of books.

“Homework takes precedence over stupid boys,” you mutter.

~~~

Three weeks pass as Yanjun continues to compliment you greasily and endlessly. He sends you finger hearts and attempts to hug you, and though you try to fend him off, you find yourself unable to with as much fervor as before.

“What’s wrong with me?” you ask yourself in your room, trying to focus on chemistry homework but finding yourself unable to. Your thoughts keep drifting back to Yanjun.

Since when did you start enjoying his embrace, the way his arms lock around your body securely? Since when did you start feeling butterflies in your stomach whenever he gives you another flirty compliment? Since when did your heart start beating a little faster when he flashes you that stupid but absolutely breathtaking grin?

Your thoughts consume you throughout the day to the point that Yanchen asks you what’s up as you walk to the bus stop as normal.

Yanchen is your best friend, along with Ling Chao. Thus, you don’t hesitate in telling him.

“Xikan told me to ask myself whether or not I wanted Yanjun to like me. At the time, I told him I didn’t think I did. But… now I think I do. I think I like him.” A blush spreads across your miserable face as you look at Yanchen with a resigned expression.

Yanchen bits his lip and adjusts his glasses as he thinks about what you just said. “You should let him know,” he says eventually. “I’m bad at this kind of advice, but you really should. Or else it’s just going to keep happening, and you’ll feel even worse.”

You nod. “I… just don’t know if I can.”

An incredulous grin spreads across Yanchen’s face. “You, Li Xilin, the most outspoken and blunt girl in the school? I think you can.” He pats your shoulder just as your bus pulls up. “Take your time, but don’t wait too long or it’ll hurt even more.”

You hug Yanchen. “Thanks, Yanchen.”

~~~

You think on Yanchen’s advice for about a week or so, all the while unconsciously avoiding Yanjun. It’s not like you actually try to. It’s just that when he enters the same room as you, your body goes on autopilot to either leave or get as far as possible from him.

It hurts to see him, in a way. He’s a natural flirt. So if he isn’t flirting with you or talking to his friends, he’s joking around with another girl (or guy). And that just reminds you that you’re not that special, and that catching these feelings was probably a mistake.

It happens a couple weeks later. You leave class to go to lunch, Yanchen and Ling Chao at your side. The three of you joke around and laugh as you sit under the tree where you usually eat.

Ling Chao’s relating a funny story when a presence makes itself known next to you, sitting down and putting his head on your shoulder.

You halfheartedly push Yanjun’s head off your shoulder. “What do you want, Yanjun?” you ask tiredly, moving away from him slightly.

“Just wanted to see my favorite girl,” he says sweetly, winking at you.

That stupid flutter in your chest. You want it to go away.

“No response?” He pouts in disappointment. “I’m offended. Am I not your favorite guy, Xilin?”

Yes, you probably are, except for Yanchen, Ling Chao, and Xikan, you think.

He pulls your arm to get you over to him again, wrapping his own arm around you. “I haven’t seen you in the past two weeks,” he remarks. “It made me sad.”

But were you really that sad?

“Stop,” you say quietly, so quietly Yanjun only just hears you.

“Sorry?” he says, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Stop,” you say louder, your voice wavering. You wedge yourself out of his grip. “Please, just… stop.”

Yanjun looks at you, confusion and slight hurt in his eyes. “What’s wrong, Xilin?”

You swallow hard. Yanchen and Ling Chao have stopped their conversation and are staring at you worriedly.

“Are you playing around with me?” you ask Yanjun.

“Playing around with you?” he echoes, looking totally lost.

“Playing around with me. Does your flirting mean anything to you, or am I just another source of entertainment for you, like the rest of the girls in this school?” Your voice is more insistent now, a little louder, and your expression is hurt but guarded.

Yanjun swallows and looks at you. “Xilin, I-”

Suddenly embarrassed, you stand up quickly, tears threatening to spill over onto your cheeks. “It’s fine,” you mumble, slinging your bag over your shoulder. At that moment, the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. “I’m going now.”

You walk fast, almost running, into the school building. You hastily wipe your eyes, getting rid of the tears before you enter your next class.

Ling Chao enters the room just a few seconds behind you and looks at you worriedly. You give him a weak thumbs-up before placing your head on the desk.

Why did you even say anything?

~~~

“Who’re you looking for?” Chaoze asks, staring up at Yanjun in confusion as the taller boy looks around the mass of students with urgency.

“Xilin,” he answers almost absentmindedly, barely acknowledging the younger.

“Isn’t she over there?” Chaoze says, pointing in your direction as you attempt to leave the building without being noticed by anyone.

“Chaoze, you’re a god,” Yanjun says breathlessly. “See you later!” He breezes off, leaving the younger standing there in confusion.

You saw Yanjun, but you were pretty sure you’d escaped. Thus, you yell a little when Yanjun grabs your arm, twisting you around to look at him.

“Yanjun-” you start, but he doesn’t let you finish.

“You never let me say anything,” he says, staring at you with unreadable emotions in his eyes. He isn’t smiling this time. He’s serious. You stay quiet as a wave of students crowds past you.

Yanjun holds your wrist gently, guiding you to somewhere where there’s less people.

“Back at lunch, you never let me tell you my thoughts,” he says, shifting his hand to hold yours instead of your wrist. “To answer your question… no. I was never playing around with you.”

You stay silent, waiting for him to continue. “I’m sorry if you felt that way,” he says, adjusting his glasses. “But did you never see how much time I spent with you?”

You shake your head. “You flirt with everyone,” you counter, a slight sad smile curving your lips. “How was I supposed to think I was anyone special?”

Yanjun swallows. You have a point. “What if I told you now that you are someone special?” he says quietly, just loud enough for you to hear.

At that, you freeze a little, unsure if you heard correctly. But when Yanjun continues to look at you expectantly, you realize that you didn’t hear wrong at all.

“Then…” you whisper, “I suppose I would believe you.”

A slow smile spreads over Yanjun’s face, and he holds your hand a little tighter, rubbing circles on your skin with his thumb. “I’m glad to hear that from my favorite girl,” he says, the flirty tone coming back into his voice.

You roll your eyes, an exasperated smile coming onto your face. “And just when I thought you could be serious,” you say.

“I can be serious,” Yanjun protests. “I was serious about liking you!”

“You better have been,” you say, looking at him with mock suspicion. “If you weren’t, I’d have pushed you off the top of this building.”

“Ouch.”

“Damn right.”

“Well, considering the push would’ve come from my favorite girl, I guess I wouldn’t’ve minded.”

You look up at him incredulously. “I’m sorry, I don’t like you anymore,” you say, dropping his hand and quickly walking away.

“Lies,” Yanjun calls, catching up to you with ease. “You always liked me.”

“Bullshit.” You scoff.

“You sure about that?” he asks, a cocky smirk coming onto his face. You turn around to refute, but just as you face him, he drops a light kiss on your cheek, so, so close to your lips.

You’re frozen as Yanjun stares at you in open admiration. You can still feel the slight pressure of his lips on your cheeks, and you’re absolutely sure your cheeks are burning.

“You always win,” you complain when you finally come back to your senses.

“I do,” Yanjun agrees, leading you out of the school. “But no matter. You want to get a drink with me?”

“I don’t know, do I?” You raise your eyebrows, looking at Yanjun with a smirk. He smirks right back, though.

“Maybe after this you will,” he whispers, a hand coming up to hold your cheek. And then he’s impossibly close, so close that you can feel his breath on your face, and then there’s a soft pressure on your lips, a pressure that makes you go still and limp in his grasp.

Lin Yanjun is kissing you.

After what seems like eternities, he breaks away, looking at you softly. “Do you want to come, now?” he asks, his smirk replaced by a smile of pure adoration and sweetness.

Dumbly, you nod. He laughs before leading you away.

#ninepercentnet #nine percent #idol producer #nine percent lin yanjun #lin yanjun #fluff #slight angst #high school!au #lin yanjun scenarios #banana culture entertainment #flirt #scriptura-adrepticius

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trendingnewsb · 7 years

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3 Terrifying Pieces Of Anti-Woman Legislation You Need To Know About Right Now

When I mention your body’s biggest enemy, you probably have something that came immediately to mind: your thighs, your arms, the pimple you got from dropping kettle corn into your mouth/all over your face so you could eat without sitting up for normal adult reasons. Or maybe you thought of the parade of fuckboys last few bros you banged who confirmed for you that some people just weren’t built to interact with the female body. This second guess is closer to what I’m actually talking about, because it similarly concerns a group of largely white men (if you’d like to fight me on your sexual history, feel free, I’m just taking a guess) who have no business with women’s bodies, and yet can’t leave them the fuck alone. Those people are called YOUR GOVERNMENT. (Mic drop, I am political.)

In all honesty, I probably don’t have a single friend who would describe me as political; I don’t even feel like I ignore the news on purpose, it just kind of floats past me, like everything that was ever said in a high school history class. But because I’m a selfish bitch I care about my readers very much, when I hear about bullshit new measures that will negatively affect my body both on a daily basis and in times of need, I am going to listen the fuck up and urge you all to do the same. Here’s a rundown of the three scariest pieces of legislation aimed to limit women’s choices right now—and for those of you with any remaining doubts that I really do not usually care/write about politics, please know that I literally just Googled the word “legislation” to make sure I was using it correctly. Feels good.

1. Remember When Obama Made Your Boss Pay for Your Birth Control? Yeah, That’s Over.

In a continued bid to out-evil Satan, Trump made a fun little announcement last Friday: He’s shut down the Obama-era law requiring most employers to cover co-pay-free birth control, an amazing measure we definitely all took completely for granted. Now, in the nation of Gilead Trump’s America, employers will be able to cite “religious or moral objection” to covering birth control, and BAM: You can no longer afford brunch, because that budget has been re-allocated to your “not getting pregnant” fund. Oh, and regardless of your birth control type, this shit is not cheap: My employer insurance had a fun two-week blackout last month and I was charged $200 for a 30-day supply of my GENERIC birth control pill. So don’t even try to come at me with that “just pay out of pocket, mer mer mer, women want everything for free” shit, TYLER.

Proposed Solution: If there is a guy you are regularly having sex with, and your birth control coverage is affected, ask him to pay for half. I know this doesn’t effect change on a policy level, but as a group, can women please stop accepting sole financial responsibility for preventing pregnancy? If the guy you’re fucking starts whining about the cost, just tell him there’s a 100% free alternative: You can stop having sex with him, forever.

2. 20 Weeks Pregnant? Cool, You’re Having a Baby Now.

Though this isn’t yet in immediate effect like the above measure, a bill recently passed through the House of Representatives criminalizing abortion after 20 weeks of pregnancy. Never mind the fact that if our government hates abortions so much, they probably shouldn’t have repealed the access to free birth control, which conveniently yielded lower abortion rates than we had in 1973, when abortion was made legal nation-wide. Never mind the disgustingly insulting title for this bill of “Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act,” which would perhaps have been more aptly titled “Pain-Capable and Very Much Born Adult Woman Punishment Act.” In this case, let’s focus on the fact that one of the bill’s co-sponsors, Tim Murphy of Pennsylvania, was literally texting his mistress to GET AN ABORTION while passing this bill through the House. Everything about this bill (and its relation to less-available birth control) is so alarmingly nonsensical that I’m almost ready to start buying into lizard-person theories. Given the one season I watched of , I feel like “handling” a mistress’ pregnancy is basically a rite of passage for most politicians—so why are they so fucking intent on making sure those abortions need to be illegal and unsafe? It’s definitely not a conspiracy to have more women die during the procedure, rendering them unable to talk about the affair, right? Wait…right?

3. A Special-Edition Coverage Slash For Pre-Pregnant, Pregnant, And Post-Pregnant Women

This bad boy, otherwise known as the Graham-Cassidy bill, is luckily having a lot of trouble getting passed, so there’s chance you won’t actually have to deal with this specifically. Which is good because I JUST spent two hours of my Monday at a Planned Parenthood phone bank defeating this nightmare of a bill that keeps popping back up like a zombie Whack-A-Mole, can I live for one week?? But honestly, every proposed healthcare reform bill this garbage-monster administration has spewed out has been pretty similarly shitty, so expect comparable measures if they manage to get anything through. This particular bill has gone ahead and banned women on Medicaid from visiting Planned Parenthood (straight up, I do not know what Medicaid is, but oh my god just allow women access to appropriate healthcare, our bodies are more complicated than yours and we fucking need it). Also, it’s restricted abortion coverage and maternity care in the same bill, so really (unless you’re a politician’s mistress!), these people would like to ensure that you get pregnant, stay pregnant, and bear the emotional, physical, and financial burden of that pregnancy all on your own. Just like how you got pregnant all on your own, without the help of any second party. Right.

Basically, the only common thread of these new measures is that our government doesn’t give a shit about you or your body. There’s no ideological or economic background that makes any sense, much like when Dean started motorboating D-Lo in the pool, thus jeopardizing his supposed “deep emotional connection” with Kristina, and the lucrative fandom love that could have launched a thousand Instagram sponsorships. So, I encourage you to start thinking about our government the way you think about the fuckboys we deal with on a daily basis: Until they shape the fuck up, we’ll be heavily looking into alternative options. You don’t let fuckboys tell you what to do with your body, so let’s get them out of these government positions where they can literally charge you for going against their dumbass ideas on what your body has access to.