#‘oh it wouldnt be that interesting if theyre the same sexuality since theres nothing to explore if its all the same’

[thefirstlioveyou]

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[unfortunatematchups]

(Hello is this blog dead because I haven't seen you post since February)

nope, this blog aint dead. i have it open on a browser tab as long as im online to check on any new asks and messages. im going to leave a short explanation here for those who dont want to waste their time.

weve been busy with other interests and ive gotten something like a writers block. matchup block? since im the primary writer here, theres pretty much no activity as long as im not writing. thats it. no reason, nothing to do with personal problems. just a block. 

keep reading for the real reason. you might not like it, but here it is.

im going to use these john sprites to convey my emotion so it might clear up any doubts on how im feeling. lets start with the process of how i write a match.

this is what a draft looks like. i write out how i would rant about this pairing, errors and all, then i leave it for the next day to come back to this and clean this draft into a polished, three-pointer paragraph. the thing is, im the only one doing this, so its obviously going to take long. i dont mind, i love to type and see something spawn from my effort. 

the problem? these rants are people-specific. right. whatever im rambling about in the draft, its about the ask and the ask only. it wouldnt fit if you crammed it into another ask, it wouldnt make a lick-a-sense if it was used to answer someone else. but, when i start to polish it up with clear and coherent sentences, suddenly it becomes… static. it becomes plain and simple, uninteresting and linear. think of it like youre hearing about a book from someone you know and trust versus a review. the person you know describes why the book is great with a lot of passion and love, but theres a lot of errors in delivery and some awkward bits they havent flushed out yet. 

nevertheless, its enjoying and persuasive, because you can see how they love it so much to the point where it gets them like that. they dont plan out how theyll describe the book to you word by word, because theres no need to. seeing how it gets them excited gets you excited, so you buy their faith in the book. 

what about a review? its clean, its cut, its perfect in delivery. it has a flow, introducing you to the story and overall appeal, then maybe it digs down for a spoiler or two. it gels with you in a simple fashion, doesnt quite have that connection a passionate ramble has. because its professional. 

thats what ive been making this blog to be. professional. i answer the request with a polished, pretty and perfect answer. theres no personal connection. i could take a match, swap out a couple of words, maybe cut out a bit, and it would be clear for another match. it feels static to write those paragraphs, and it progressively gets worse each time i repeat the process. im chipping away at something so close, so personal and unique into something dull and professional because i want it to look clean.

but thats my end of the problem. i dont like how it comes out, so what? people enjoy it. they must be, seeing how theres fifty three fucking asks for matchups and 73 followers. 

i wont show all the asks i have in the inbox, but ill tell you what majority, if not all of them, sound like. 

“I’m bi/pan”, “I have brown hair/eyes”, “I’m chubby/short”, “I like art/gaming/reading/writing”, “I’m shy around people I don’t know, I’m crazy around people I know”, “I’m a nerd”, “I have ADHD/Anxiety”. 

of course, there are some exceptions. not everything i say is as is, but from 50+ asks, these are what about three quarters of them sound like. there are personal differences, like music tastes and obscure hobbies, but the general gist is there. 

im not going to say anything about the sexuality orientation, because im in a friend group where majority, if not all, are not cishets. yes, people like art and gaming. 

but thats it? these descriptors are such shallow answers. i can personalise a match for you, sure, but does it feel like its right? you like gaming. so what, do you like ALL games? from FPS to Dating sims to Horror games to Sports games to Adult games? do you like ALL art? Surrealism, sculpture, comics, abstract, even those where they splash paint and call it a day? really? i dont think im asking for a lot when it comes to being specific. some asks literally just go ‘im a bi female, 5′3, i like gaming and drawing, im sometimes shy but i can be sassy at times’. 

with everyone being so similar and vague, how am i supposed to give a match i feel is right? i might as well take everyones favourite boy david elizabeth strider and talk about how he likes your art and how he likes gaming and oh isnt it so great that you two like music. 

there are some unique ones, and its pretty obvious which ones they are because ive put in more love into them. and i havent been able to do that to many asks. 

and the physical descriptions. while im sure some of the characters do have types and preferences, i dont care for appearances. i dont care if youre fat or skinny, i dont care if youre tall or short, brown hair or blonde. you being morbidly obese or morbidly skinny may affect the match depending on how i feel the characters might respond to someone with those physical traits, but they shouldnt matter. 

i dont need how you look. i dont want how you look. its shallow and unimportant. it takes up space in the ask, because you could be using it to describe your personality or interests in detail. not that youre limit to one ask, you can send in an entire fucking fourteen page essay and id match you, as long as youre telling me something i can pair you with. 

telling me youre ‘chubby’ or ‘blonde’ doesnt help visualise shit. this shouldnt be new information to you or anyone else. writing shit like ‘he loves your curves!’ or ‘she likes how short you are because it makes you cute’ is bullshit and is simply self-serving nonsense. yes, its an additional bonus if your lover likes how youre short or fat, but that shouldnt be why theyre in love with you. a paragraph based on how much they like to hold you are appreciate your body is utter fucking nonsense. you appreciate your own body, and thats it. 

i dont feel inspired when i look at some of these asks. i dont feel like i should answer any of these because a) im not obligated to, this blog is just a side hobby and b) id be writing something i dont enjoy for people who might also not enjoy it. i dont deserve to sit at my laptop and write something i feel doesnt represent my work or ideas well, and the person who im matching doesnt deserve the half-assed boring paragraph of nonsense im pulling out of my ass just to clear the inbox. 

ive taken some time away from this blog and upon receiving this ask, i wanted to use the same old excuse every other blog uses: ‘we’ve been busy, so we went on an unannounced hiatus’. 

but thats not true. with the pandemic forcing lockdowns, theres essentially nothing else for us to do. if anything, this would mean that we have more time to write. 

so there it is. my truthful answer as to why nothings coming out of this blog.

part of this is my fault. i thought that maybe i could force myself to match all those vague asks that feel like theyre about the same person, just with a couple of changes. but i cant. i wont. im not going to keep writing shit i dont like, and im not going to keep giving half-assed matches, giving characters people are at the very least sure to be okay with. 

i want to write exciting, unique and adorable relationships. i thought that with the homestuck fandom being so vast and creative, maybe i would get the chance to meet and write for a couple of people who were just so different it would make pairings id never thought of. 

but nah, it looks like everything is the same. all the anon asks start to bleed together. the responses start becoming the same. im given descriptions that sound so tame, so generalised. like somehow, youre afraid of letting me know who you are as a person. or not, perhaps you just struggle with expressing yourself. thats why youre using anon to send in your ask, isnt it? 

i turned anon on because i wanted to respect privacy. i wanted people to be able to send in each and every detail about themselves while remaining behind a mask so they could get the best match without exposing every inch of themselves on a blog. maybe that was my mistake. 

ill leave the matches open, but im only going to do the ones that interest me. but if you decide that you dont give a fuck about the quality of the match, tell me or something. i have drafts that i can just post. maybe youd like that. 

-pretty obviously, mod olio.

[genngraymane]

America: Really THAT Bad? (spoilers btw)

BEFORE:

It’s been a while since I read anything Marvel in the last few years. I think I stopped reading around the time of Marvel Now! because I was too focused on DC’s New 52 at the time (plus I took a break from comics around that time shortly after). So aside from the few issues of Young Avengers I’ve read years ago, I know nothing about this character. Obviously, I’ve heard some polarizing things about this book, but I’m still pretty excited to see what the hubub’s all about. One thing I remember loving about Marvel was their teen heroes. Hopefully America rekindles the things I missed from Marvel.

AFTER:

Okay so I just finished the first 7 issues. Overall it wasn’t the horribly unbearable experience my buddies kept warning me about. No where near as offensively bad as they made it out to be. If anything my only gripe with the book is that it’s rather forgettable. With the exception of Kate, America’s supporting cast feel like they’re just background pieces with speech bubbles. Her girlfriend didn’t do anything aside from filling in a damsel in distress role. Her parents and Grandmother really only serve as plot-devices, and the rest the students of Sotomayor don’t really do anything except gush over America’s self-imposed greatness.

And it really is a shame, because Rivera introduces some really cool concepts like the interdimensional schooling of Sotomayor and the cosmic origins of Planeta Fuertona. There’s some really cool wacky Sci-Fi stuff in this book, and I’m pretty sure if that was the focus of the book then I would have enjoyed it a lot more. But unfortunately that’s not the case because the main focus of this book is also one of the things I can’t stand about it.

THE ROMANCE.

Oh my God is America an asshole to her girlfriend. If there is anything I can’t stand about romance, it’s needless drama. And holy shit, Rivera did not hold back from it. This is the first appearance of Lisa, one of America’s love interests.

I’m sorry, WHAT??? You’re not going to tell me jack about our MC’s love-interest and then break them off in just TWO PAGES? I’m generally used to teen drama bullshit like this from other teen hero books (I have Johns’ Teen Titans to thank for that), but this sequence here is just too much for me to ignore. We don’t know anything about Lisa aside from being America’s girlfriend, so that’s all she ends up being, and America just breaks things off and leaves before they even have a legitimate conversation? And America’s acting as if she’s in the right? This sets up every interaction we see between these two as needless melodrama. And that’s exactly what it becomes in later issues. There’s all but one scene of America showing remorse for dumping this chick, but then America acts like the victim again in a later issue with Storm.

Like, what is your damage, America? You’re the one who broke up with her and left in a fit but then you say shit like “SHE SENT ME AWAY” as if we’re supposed to sympathize with you throwing that necklace at her. And when Lisa finally shows up again, they act as if they spoke and came to terms, but this is the first and last time we ever see these two actually speaking to each other anyway, so what was the point?

America’s other love interest is an actual character this time around in the sense that she’s actually involved in the story, but when Magdalena is introduced, it’s almost as if Rivera forgot about the first love interest.

Either America has amnesia, or Lisa never gave America flowers, which probably puts America in the right for breaking up with her. I’d be pretty upset if my girlfriend never gave me flowers. What was the point of all this? Why didn’t Rivera just start with Magdalena as the badass action-girl love interest instead of having us deal with the damsel in distress bullshit from the non-character that was Lisa during the Chavez Guerrillas arc?

I think all of my gripes with the romance in here comes from a combination of two different things regarding this book. One is that nearly every character in this book has NOTHING going on with them. The other is that America is painfully unlikable in this.

I think the introduction of Sotomayor was pretty awesome. Rivera introduced us to a setting with a lot of potential for crazy, dimension hopping adventures while providing the framework of introducing new characters within a self contained story similar to that of Hero Academia or Avengers Academy. If America’s badly written relationships were at the background of the series while introducing a diverse, well-written cast that interacts almost exclusively with America through the school setting, then yes, I think this book would have won me over. But that’s not the case because nearly every student in Sotomayer doesn’t do anything meaningful to the story or help America progress as a character. How the hell do you have a character like freaking Prodigy on the sidelines with nothing insightful to say? They were on the same team before this! Even America’s parents, the main reason she became a hero, are constantly glossed over in this book until the reveal of her Grandmother. 

Speaking of this page here, why did Madrimar even wait to reveal herself to America until now? It’s not like anything was stopping her during all the time she spent at Sotomayor.

A lot of people I’ve talked to about this book says Rivera was trying too hard. In my opinion, she didn’t try hard enough. I know a bunch of people gave this writer shit for coming off as too preachy, but expressing positivity through diversity is a core part if America’s character and the reality we live in. The only problem I see with her writing regarding this is that it the way she portrays America makes it difficult. Rivera’s America just shouts out slogans and gets confrontational with anyone that challenges her way of thinking. America needs to be put in a situation where expressing her cultural and sexual identity isn’t accentuated through punching things while preaching about how awesome she is and getting constant validation from background characters (the prep-school cyborg fight is a jarring example). 

One of the only characters I actually liked in this book was Kate. She actually acts like she’s in the story. She talks to America about her problems, consoles her in times of need, and is generally a blast to have in this book.

With the exception of Magdalena, Kate is the only person in this book that America actually approaches like a civil human being. America doesn’t get all up in her face and throw snarky insults at her like she does with nearly everyone else. Kate is one of the only characters here that can actually get America to feel like a person instead of some impregnable brick wall. And Kate is actually involved in America’s story! She has presence! But the more I read about these two in here the more I notice Rivera was just queer-baiting them for no reason.

Like, we get Kate’s into her. But if Rivera had real control over this, why didn’t she just start things off with Kate as the friends with benefits into girlfriends angle? Why have us go through all the damsels in distress and generic femme fatale action girls in America’s life instead of a popular established character like Kate Bishop? They have a history together, so it wouldn’t be unbelievable at all. This book focuses so much on romance but never has its priorities straight on who these people are to America. It only seems to care who America is to them. And tbh I think that’s the core issue of Rivera’s America.

This is the first page of the book, and it got me super excited. I thought the approach Rivera was going to go was make America relevant not only as a hero but as a symbol. I thought this book would highlight the importance of expressing pride in diversity while expressing how America represents that pride and what that means to the people around her. I thought it would have been akin to All-Star Superman’s approach of finding the balance between the symbol and the person while struggling to understand what that might mean to the people of the world. But instead any concept of that constantly gets sidelined by the badly written melodrama bullshit all across this book. It just always stops me from getting into this.

Now if I’m not mistaken, this book is canceled at issue 12, so at some point I’ll go back and finish the last couple issues, but honestly I could see why this book got canceled. Rivera has some really cool concepts in this book, but falls short on the execution on multiple levels. Hopefully they bring America back with a new creative team because there is some cool stuff here and I don’t want it all to just disappear. Maybe even keep Rivera and give her a co-writer to help?

[missjackil]

Why Wincest? : An Honest Answer.

Like most Wincest shippers, I get asked a lot of different questions about why it is so appealing to me. Fortunately, I havent received any hate regarding it (yet) just mostly curiosity, and to be honest, I ask myself all the same questions. To be clear, I am only answering for myself, since everyone’s experience is different, but I know there are people who feel the same way. I’ll start by saying, I don’t have a brother kink, or any interest in m/m sex, but something about Sam and Dean specifically, intrigued me very early on. I’d say somewhere around “Woooaaah easy tiger” (Dean grins) “Dean!?” (Sam answers breathlessly) I thought, “Oh yeah, these 2 wanna bang each other!” and that was literally the first scene we ever saw of Sam and Dean together.  There is a reason why the writers/producers gave us a scene like this as our first introduction to the brothers’s relationship, it’s because they want us to sense sexual tension between them. This is the type of scene that TV shows and movies use to plant such thoughts between characters. For whatever reason 2 characters suddenly have physical contact, or maybe just long eye contact. The trope we’ve seen a million times, the “oops our bodies are touching and we made eye contact” that has started almost every love story ever. Since this is the very first scene between the brothers, the writers wanted to establish this immediately.  So, like so many people, I noticed this, and then thought “well thats kinda gross, they’re brothers” and moved on. However, it didnt stop there. The writers threw in text mixed with subtext to keep it going. From standing/sitting too close together, unnecessary touching, grabbing, pinning each other against the wall, and so on, mixed with spoken text about how much one needs the other, or how theres nothing they wouldnt do for each other, established in concrete, that these 2 are not normal brothers. 

Of course canonically, the boys don’t have a sexual relationship, and they never will, and Im absolutely fine with that, and honestly wouldn’t like if it was canon that they do. What I love is the level of love they have, and wondering how far they do go for each other, behind fictional closed doors of course. And is it really the worst thing they can do, or have done? Sam and Dean’s love to me, though toxic at times, is absolutely beautiful, and J2 convey it perfectly! They know all about wincest, and how it appeals to many of us, and not only does it not offend them, they play right along with it in the gag reels and at conventions. Even in the episodes that it is mentioned, The Monster at the End of This Book, Sympathy for the Devil, and Fan Fiction, the show acknowledges that many fans see and fantasize about wincest, and realize we really dont care that theyre brothers. Also the fact that they never allow the brothers to be romantically involved with anyone else for any significant length of time, shows that they don’t want us to stop thinking about it. And in the end, I am sure, the brothers will end up together forever. Whether it be in death or retirement, they are going to be with each other and not with romantic interests. 

Incest is a very taboo subject, no one will argue that, but sex between 2 consenting adults, no matter their relation, doesn’t have to be as taboo as we make it. I saw hate sent to a fellow wincest shipper via anonymous ask, claiming that if we accept the idea in fiction, than we accept the idea in real life, and that we say to children that its ok if their big brother, or dad or uncle touch them inappropriately. The fellow shipper answered defensively, and failed to actually answer the accusations. If it had been sent to me, I would have answered differently.  For one, no, accepting something in fiction means nothing in the real world. We accept all kinds of murder and infidelity in fiction, so why would this be different? Sam and Dean have a relationship that no one in the real world has. They don’t lust for each other, but they LOVE each other more than any of us have loved anyone. Most of us have someone we would die for, but none of us have someone we would sell our souls for. Not just sell your soul, but willingly set yourself up for eternal torment, in 1 years time, just so the other doesn’t die yet. Or, risk the fate of the entire world and everyone in it, just so the one we love doesn’t become evil, and those are only two things, in a long laundry list of things the Winchesters have done for each other. And if you did, and you and this person are consenting adults and wish to have sex? Go for it! I wont stop you. To the other part of the accusation, that this tells children its ok if brother, father, uncle etc touches them, I say “what?” This no more tells children such a thing, anymore than shipping a normal relationship tells children its ok to be touched so long as you’re not related. Seriously.  Another misconception is that if Sam and Dean have had a sexual relationship, it would mean they are bisexual, which canonically neither of them are. But that’s not true. To me, neither of them have sexual or romantic interest in men in general. It can be argued that subtextually they have, but that’s another thread. Canonically, Sam and Dean are straight, so how would they have sexual attraction to each other? Because it’s not the attraction at all, but a by product of a love so strong and deep that they’re literally exhausted every way to express it.  It seems like any wincest fan fic I read, portrays one or both as being at least bisexual, and sometimes full on gay, but that’s not necessary if you imagine the deep abiding love came long before the sex, not the deep abiding love developing from the sex. When some shippers see their sexual relationship develop or be experimented with when they were teenagers, usually they are showing that the epic love the brothers share developed out of curious, experimental sex in adolescence. For me, in my mind and in my fan fic, the sex always comes about the first time when they’re in thier 30s and have already done every other thing imaginable for each other, except for sex. And then for me it becomes beautiful, acceptable, and maybe kind of necessary. Not so much kinky, dirty, or taboo.  At SDCC Jared said “Sam and Dean love each other as much as two human beings can love each other” and to me, he accepts all the ways one can love another in that statement. Not saying he thinks they have, or wants them to have sex, but acknowledges romantic love is in there along with every other way.  This essay isnt to try to convert anyone, but so everyone can understand that there is more than one way to see this epic love, and explore its possibilities without hurting anyone.