#“STAND ASIDE PEOPLE; LET MY 10 CHARISMA SHINE!”

[starkspi]

[reveonce]

Best dancers in Kpop - 3rd Gen GG

Disclaimer: This is just my personal preference as a former dancer, not professionally, so please do not hit me...

In case of questioning, the groups I currently stan are Twice, Day6, Red Velvet, and Stray Kids.

INTRODUCTION  _____________________

In Kpop, it’s not just about music anymore because 3rd Generation stans just overthrew it with so many criticisms and decided to view Kpop groups/Idols in a new perspective - and that is to check everything and compare.

Let’s get down to the basics. In groups, there are positions to fill in: Main Vocalist, Main Rapper, Main Dancer, Lead Vocalist, Lead Rapper, Lead Dancer and other positions such as Subs and just plain Vocalist and etc. I don’t know if this was a thing in the 1st generation of Kpop but there are pros and cons with these titles and what it means which causes a lot of immature “fans” to question an Idol once they sang or dance wrong, their visuals or their personalities.

In 2nd Generation (from what I remembered), 2NE1′s Minzy and SNSD’s Hyoyeon and more were the best dancers of their generation, alongside the boy group members like SHINEE’s Taemin and BIGBANG’s Taeyang. Their style of dancing, paired with the charisma and how they bring the performance, no matter how hard or easy it was, it was executed with no effort, that is, back in the day.

The most overlooked position in a group are in the positions of Main Vocalists and Main Dancers, let’s put Main Rappers aside because that’s another topic :)

BEST DANCERS ______________________

The title above is vague and is debatable, depending on what style or what is/are the person’s personal flavor, style and genre of dancing.

I personally look for passion, intensity, and technique, all in order. A dancer, in my opinion must be able to play base on what he/she feels about what the music is telling his/her body and emotions to drive the performance and execute it well, along with the techniques and charisma.

I hate ranking but here are my top 3 picks with no proper ranking:

- Seulgi -

Seulgi is undeniably one of the best SM dancers, and I consider her one of the best dancers of the 3rd Generation with her charming way of bringing the story through her dancing and her facial expressions to die for. She has that swaggy, groovy, natural with a touch of sexiness which makes her dancing versatile in any genre, that’s why she is a perfect member of Red Velvet.

For example: Be Natural, Bad Boy, Monster, Naughty, and Rookie and her dance covers.

I personally love Seulgi and I’d die to see her live and just fangirl over her because she’s just that cute bear who dances like she’s about to slay some dragon or something. With her amazing vocals, it’s clear that she will run the world with Beyonce lol

I have nothing against her dancing because like I said, she’s versatile, she can adapt so nicely in the choreography’s concept. She can make a hard dance look incredibly easy. I hope that SM can give her more solo dance breaks or bring her to Hit The Stage or similar shows because she deserves it!

BoA and Hyoyeon are right about Seulgi and I have high respects for this woman. She doesn’t slow down in her game will remain slaying on stage with her strong charisma and stage presence. She is indeed SM’s hidden weapon.

- Momo -

Dancing MOchine. Period.

I’ve always admired and loved Momo’s insane dancing ability. Back in Sixteen, everyone feared for her because she was the best dancer except for Nati (whose in Cube Entertainment now btw).In their pre-debut days as trainees, JYP trainees said that Momo is the best dancer, even the members agreed upon this. After being eliminated at the show, she was brought back by an  a&r team(?) and JYP because they didn’t want a talent fully wasted.

At a very young age, she had a passion for dancing and that is one of the things I admire for someone as a dancer, to bring joy and entertainment through dancing. Her sharp, powerful and almost-precise dance ability gives her the title still to this day is being debated over -- “The best Kpop dancer”

Although her dancing may stand out from the rest sometimes. Based on the choreographies of TWICE, some just don’t give in for me since the dances are cute and quirky and her style of dancing doesn’t par with cute concepts with cute choreographies but as hyper as their dances goes, It sometimes fits nicely like It’s not different at all. Either way, I’d say it’s okay because it’s her style and I’m not in the position to argue with anyone or her.

With TWICE’s mature concepts coming in, It gives her more opportunities to explore and express more sides of dancing styles like she wanted to do for so long as a passionate dancer that she is.

My favorite dances of her so far: Move, Feel Special, Fancy, Likey, Like Ooh-Ahh, Touchdown, and Got7 dance covers (including Sixteen performances)

- Chungha - 

Chungha-unnie, I love you even though I’m not your fan. 

I haven’t got the chance to check her music out but saw her on multiple award shows with amazing performances and I love her style and her facial expression is just 10/10 for me. She brings the performance in like she’s the missing final piece of the puzzle and her charisma and style makes the choreography like it’s meant for her like the queen she is.

I saw her Hit the Stage performance and girl, those arms movements killed me, she’s faster than my internet connection. It’s a shame some of the staffs who are in-charge of some of the auditions in JYP put her down but either way, she won’t be that popular if she was to be in JYP because you all know the drill like IU and-- that’s another topic.

Like I said, I haven’t fully gotten into her music but saw the performances, although I forgot what it sounds like because I was paying attention to her technique, analyzing foot works and flow with the music. Wish her the best in these upcoming years in Kpop as solo artist!

Honorable mentions: IZ*ONE’s Chaeyeon  BLACKPINK’s LISA ITZY’s Yeji and Chaeryoung GFRIEND’s SinB and MAMAMOO’s Moonbyul,  _____________________________

Now, watching dance practices and performances of any 3rd Generation group, when one group’s choreography is just easy, people (not generalizing) quickly points out that “they are not talented” “the song is energizing but the choreography is just bleh bleh bleh” and starts bringing other idol groups, It pisses me off than those videos of 2 women dancing to a product commercial song, they put so much effort in it like the rent is due tomorrow.

These “fans” are quick to judge and point out other idols’ small mistakes, making it seem like it’s biggest major problem on the face of the Earth. As a multi-stan, I can’t even hide anywhere in the Kpop community except being a Swiftie because these people are so problematic, they beat instant noodles for instantly becoming professional dancers or dance majors in the comment sections.

These girls are my favorite dancers and most likely to be crowned as the best dancer of the 3rd Generation Kpop. I know that BLACKPINK’s Lisa wasn’t here like everyone thought she would but I have my reasons why and NO it’s not because I don’t like or stan Blackpink. That’s not who I am, musically and as a person, I respect BLACKPINK and any groups in KPOP but I have my own taste and I’m sorry if I didn’t match yours.

There are vast dancing preferences out there and it’s hard to get in all of that except you’re full-born dancer who seeks different cultural styles because you love them. Kpop is a big giant ball of a good mess and I know that there are more unnoticed idols out there who are true to their skills and has the potential to get to the top with these ladies, I salute them. 

For me, everyone is a dancer inside and they have their own styles so I cannot fully judge them and so the last thing to do is support and love.

[eternichi]

10 SHINee Years

Happy 10th Anniversary, SHINee! I already wrote this on Amino, but I thought I’d bring it over to tumblr (where I can format it properly lol

10 SHINee Years

I can’t believe it’s been 10 whole years. I found SHINee probably just after their first year, in 2009 when Lucifer was gaining traction online. They were the first K-pop band I ever heard, and the only one I’ve ever loved. I haven’t found another band I’ve ever followed so passionately, and I don’t think I ever will. They’re so unique.

When I first heard Lucifer I was hooked on the spot. My friend was showing me the video and I could not believe how good the music was, and I was entranced by the flawless dance moves and a music video I wanted to repeat. I’ve heard the song a million times but I never get sick of it. Even listening right now. It reminds me of great times in middle school, where my friends and I tried to learn the dance. Though I still don’t know much anymore, I never gave up on learning it. Though we’re not all friends anymore, I see the memories of our happiness in each song you all sing.

Honestly I didn’t get super into SHINee until college when I became very depressed and found myself running across silly SHINee compilations on YouTube. They cheered me up and made me so happy. I learned all their names and how unique and incredible each one of them is, how important they are to k-pop as a whole and to each other. How pure they are, even when it comes to live shows that are always live (what kind of band so talented is BAD at lipsyncing? One with pure talent that doesn’t take shortcuts!). Honestly, I’m still learning how to be a Shawol every day. Even today, I never knew the exact day they debuted (and the day after my birthday no less, whoa!) ;;;

ONEW

The sweet leader, Onew. Onew’s gone through a lot and stayed so strong the whole time. He puts all his love into SHINee and it shows. When he needed surgery for his voice and cried when he could finally return to stage, when he comforted every other emotional member on stage, when he might be stressed but always would give that big smile. How can someone be so cool, sexy, and adorable at the same time? You never fail to keep your fans on their feet. Many would be lucky to have such a kind yet strong leader.

KEY

My personal bias, Key. Key was actually the character who’s part I was assigned to dance to back in the old days. It must’ve been fate because when I got older and learned more about him, I realized how much I admired him. I’m someone with a god-awful memory and not a skilled dancer, so I’m in awe by Key’s incredible ability to memorize dances on the spot and expertly execute them. His ability inspires me to work harder at that alone, but that’s not all! A great singer and fashionista to the max, is there anything you’re bad at? All the while, learning to speak in Korean, Japanese, and English. This inspires me so much, as someone who’s been learning Japanese and hopes to teach Japanese abroad. You must have worked so hard to learn so much, and no doubt to help your fellow members reach their highest potential. And as a singer, student, and fan, you’re one of my biggest inspirations.

TAEMIN

Taemin I’ll admit is a bit of a mystery to me sometimes. I feel like there’s a lot of times you never know what he’s thinking behind that ever-present smile. A little bit of mischief and playfulness, but also clearly someone who, when they want to achieve a goal, will make it happen. Like many others, I watched you grow. My first memories are of a scrawny little Taemini with the long blond hair, so seeing beefy TaeMAN years later was a (welcome) shock. Now you’re making your own albums and clearly pursuing something you’ve always wanted to do. Though the smallest, Taemin’s definitely been a core part of SHINee, and has clearly grown well with love aside his brothers.

MINHO

Though Minho has a huge personality, he was someone I didn’t know much about for a long time. He’s fiery, competitive, playful, determined, and dorkly cool (riddle me that one). Clearly one of SHINee’s biggest fans who will prove them to be the best in any competition, no matter how small, and make up DIBIDIBIDI songs about his favorite people. And no different from the other members, just as talented as a budding drama actor and the group rapper. Though known as the group rapper, it’s no shock he’s just as talented in song. One of my favorite songs he’s sung is Kiseki, a Japanese song I heard before hearing him sing it, but only loved after. No matter what, Minho’s love for SHINee will never fade. There’s no extinguishing that flaming charisma.

JONGHYUN

And finally, Jonghyun. Forever in our hearts and our minds. The lead vocalist, and that is no title given lightly. Those notes in Lucifer, the long high notes, always gave me chills. It was your voice I wanted to hear the most in each song replay. What an incredible talent. The lyrics of each song he wrote packed with emotion and meaning. Every song has a purpose. You could say so much and so little in each line. You have the brightest smile of all of the members, and every time I’d watch a behind-the-scenes video, I’d always be instantly happy when I saw you break out in a huge smile and fits of laughter. Jonghyun worked so hard and did so many incredible things with his talents and immense effort. You did so, so, so well.

Jonghyun, last July I planned a trip to Japan. The winter before, I found “SHINee’s Fine Day”, a show where all of the boys took trips to wherever they wanted. I never finished the series, but when my friends and I decided to visit Japan, I remembered that you also loved Japan and chose to visit it. I began to slowly watch your videos the next months for inspiration. In December, inspiration turned to dedication. In March, I walked purposefully in some of your footsteps in Tokyo. I couldn’t do everything, but I chose 3 specific places that I bought meant a lot to you back them.

I decided to visit the records store you did, Tower Records jn Shibuya, and buy your last album, along with some from SHINee. When I arrived, the store looked different than when you visited, but just like you, I believe to the SHINee section. They had a beautiful set up dedicated to all 5 of you. I took a picture so someday, when I’ve learned enough Japanese, I can read their kind words. I easily found your city, put in a large section for your fans. When I purchased your CD, they gave me a poster of the cover. I still haven’t had the heart to open my CDs or hang up your poster. Someday I will though.

On my way to Tower Records, I had visited Hachiko. All the while I remembered when you took a picture with him too, and fans started to gather in take pictures, which you happily and loudly invited to continue. (Funny enough people took pics of me then too in my fairy kei fashion haha)

In Odaiba, the Gundam statue. I’m not a Gundam fan like you are but I wanted to copy you by taking a selfie in front of the statue (albeit I wasn’t meaning to go in cosplay but that’s how things wound up haha;;; ). I’m glad I could go where you once were. It helped comfort me a lot knowing you once experienced a lot of happiness and fun, enjoying your vacation where i was. And knowing you must be feeling that happiness once again. You deserve all of the happiness in the world.

Jonghyun, I’ll try to keep it short. You changed me as a person. I now stand up for what I believe in. I try to not let others push me around. I know you stood up for what you believed in and it inspired me so much. But you’ve been inspiring everyone around you since the beginning. They all said so; fans, other musical groups, your friends, and your fellow members. You’re an idol in every sense of the word. You’re a star.

SHINee

What SHINee has taught me most of all is something I’ve been trying to prove my whole life: true friendship exists. I hoped it existed with the friends I had back when I discovered SHINee in middle school. There were also 5 of us. But our five wasn’t meant to be, of course, we went different ways. I’ve made more friends and lost them between then and now. My depression worsened because I believed I’d never find friends that would want to be with me, want to work towards the same goals, or help me through hard times. I just had friends that abandoned me, gave up on our projects we started with so much promise, and brushed off my feelings. When I found the videos of SHINee, it broke through this despair I’d built up overtime. I saw them laugh, cry, smile, argue, and work so hard together and knew there were no truer friends in the world. Someday I want the friendship they have. I’m not there yet but I know now that it’s out there. That’s what made me fall in love with SHINee more than any other band ever will. They’re not just the pretty boys with nice voices and incredible dance moves. Their distinct, incredible people who care about each other so much, and put their all into their group. Though they may have different goals and dreams ultimately, and different side talents and projects, it’s clear their #1 focus is SHINee, and the Shawol that give their love to them. They love us because we love this group that they put their hearts and souls into. There’s no way to deny how much they love us. In return, let’s all do our best to be as amazing as they always believe we are.

Thank you, SHINee. Thank you Onew, Jonghyun, Minho, Key, and Taemin. Your future is shining bright.

( Thanks everyone who read! This was just my view of SHINee, so it may be perceived way different than the next fan. But everyone’s reason to love SHINee is just as correct. We’re all fans of this incredible group and I love all of the dedication Shawol have.  Sorry if this was a long ramble and about the tense changes. Take care, everyone. )

[oscar-isaacs-number-one-bitch]

“Justice League” Movie Review

Justice League is the 5th film in the current DC Extended Universe, and the direct sequel to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. It is first time we get to see all our favorite DC superheroes on screen together. Batman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Cyborg – they’re all here, and things are not looking up for the world at large. With Superman gone, hope is far from prevalent, and fear and acts of terror are on the rise. But when Steppenwolf, a doom-bringer from another world, begins to exact his devastating plan on earth, bringing a race of parademons to attack those on whom they can smell fear, the world will need a team of warriors to band together and put aside their differences in order to stop him, and bring justice for all.

This movie had a lot riding on its shoulders. For starters, it’s the story sequel to Batman v Superman, which was not only one of the worst films of last year, but one of probably the top 10 worst superhero films ever made. But it also directly follows Wonder Woman, one of the best, and easily the biggest, films of this year so far. To top all of that off, production on the film was an absolute nightmare scene, not in the sense that it was always going to be a bad movie or not, but there was just so much that happened to it between the pre and post-production process, it was hard to imagine what kind of film it would end up being at all. After director Zack Snyder tragically lost his daughter to suicide and had to step away from the project in early March, Joss Whedon (director of the first two Avengers flicks) stepped in to help finish the project, and based on the two artists’ wildly differing styles, people wondered if the film would feel too jumbled, as if torn between two visions. How is the movie? Well, to put it plainly, it’s just fun.

Let’s begin with the positives, as I always do: this is a fun ride to take with this team. After the dreariness of Batman v Superman soured most people to the idea of the DCEU, Justice League would have to give them a sense that the idea could still work, provided some things were shifted around and they like the chemistry of the league itself. And for my money, the chemistry is absolutely there. Sure, it could use a little more work, and truth be told Cyborg is the only one who really gets any true, at-length character development, but when these characters are all on screen together, their individual personalities jive well off of each other without having to compromise the distinct uniqueness of any one member. Each individual member gets a chance to shine, and none overpower the others in terms of screen presence enough to make the audience feel as if this film is owned by any one character. 

Bruce and Diana make a great duo with solid chemistry, both on the recruiting path, and both aware of the horrors to come if they don’t succeed in bringing these people together, with Ben Affleck and Gal Gadot still inhabiting these characters better than most others before them have. Ezra Miller’s Flash is actually quite a fun character to interact with, providing most of the quips and the comic relief, but not in a way that feels too childish or annoying enough to beg for DC to just bring Grant Gustin into the mix. Going into it, I thought Cyborg might be the weak link since we never got to see any promotion for his character really outside of this film, but truth be told, although it wasn’t a particularly “stand out” performance, Victor’s development ends up being one of the more memorable and well-handled plot points throughout the film overall. And this brings us, of course, to Superman (honestly if you really thought they would have a Justice League film without Superman, I don’t know what to tell you). How does the movie handle the man of steel this time around? Well, that S on his chest may actually yield some hope for the horizon yet.

Anyone who’s known me for any meaningful length of time knows that I am a humungous Superman fan. If anyone ever asks who my favorite superhero is, he is always the answer. Superman: The Movie was the first superhero film I ever saw and I’ve loved this character and everything about him ever since. Anyone who’s known me for any length of time knows I also have very strong feelings about how the character should be handled, and that I believe the DCEU thus far has done that fairly poorly. However, in this incarnation, we finally get to see Henry Cavill show us a little bit of that brilliant, classical charisma he brought to Man from U.N.C.L.E., and give us easily the best Superman of the DCEU thus far. He cracks jokes, he smiles (imagine that), and once he actually gets to work with the team, one feels as if everything has finally come together the way it should for these heroes…for the most part.

And this brings us into the negatives of the film (and, as a preface: although there are plenty of them, they don’t hold enough combined weight, at least not to me, to bring the movie down from being enjoyable). Ironically, the guy they spent most of the marketing money on, Aquaman, actually ends up with the least compelling character and story arc in the whole movie. Don’t get me wrong, Jason Momoa fits the reincarnation of the character like a glove, and he’s entertaining to watch, but they just never give him anything to do besides shout one-liners, throw a spear, and stand there looking like Mr. Macho Cool Man. His solo movie is just a little over a year away, so I expect we’ll definitely get a good bit more development there (it is James Wan behind the camera after all), but still one can’t help but feel that the foundation laid here is lacking the necessary gravity to care what happens to him beyond there being a missing team member if he gets taken out.

The film also suffers by way of its villain, but not in the way that most Marvel films or even Wonder Woman did. Steppenwolf isn’t just an underdeveloped villain; he’s not compelling in really any way at all. While it’s fun to see the heroes take him down, he provides no real threat that one is ever unsure the heroes will defeat. His plan, his backstory, and his development is all generic, C-level stuff, and that’s not to mention he sounds like the guy who voices Optimus Prime in the Transformers films. Every time he was on screen, all I was interested in was getting back to the heroes and what they were doing. I only ever cared about his character insofar as he moved the plot forward, but given the weakness of the plot itself, I found myself unable to truly invest in whatever he was doing. There’s nothing to his character beyond wanting to destroy the world, and as reliable of a thing that may be for heroes to fight against, the lack of a memorable why behind that destruction gives the film no real stakes to overcome.

Warner Bros. had a mandate for the production team behind this picture that it could not exceed a 2 hour run-time, and while I understand the need not to make films overlong for the sake of not winding out an audience, I believe it ultimately hurts the film’s narrative flow. The first act has to cover a lot of ground very quickly with establishing each of these characters individually, and so the film does feel rushed in a number of spots. There are also some visual effects and editing mistakes that I thought could have been cleaned up, and a couple of scenes where the green screen and CG from re-shoots is simply way too obvious to ignore (although the CG of Cyborg and Henry Cavill’s mustache didn’t bother me as much as it might some people). At times the film does feel as if it’s torn between two different visions, and while that can be a tad jarring, it ultimately doesn’t deter from the narrative enough to make it incohesive.

Overall, Justice League is a good time – to a fault, but still a good time. It doesn’t carry any real weight and doesn’t have much gravity in terms of its far-reaching implications for the rest of the DCEU, but that’s okay for now. It’s average, but it’s a fun average, and that’s what really needed to work to give this universe the push and the hope it needs to continue. While the villain is incredibly generic, and the plot is noticeably weak, with a few plot holes popping up here and there, the chemistry between these heroes is undeniably there, and I look forward to seeing them again. Oh, and there are two credits sequences (mid and post), so be sure to stick around for both of those too. My overall verdict: see it, but at a discounted price, like a matinee or early bird showtime.

I’m giving “Justice League” a 7.2/10.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 19th May 2019 (Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber, Skepta)

This episode is a day late. Sorry for that but due to conflicts with my personal schedule often I have to rush the episodes and I was much too busy to finish this in on time. I know that’s pretty much verbatim what I wrote on Twitter but the new Singles Chart is already out so I want to get this as quick as possible. I can tell you for a fact we’ve got a lot of good stuff coming next week I want to talk about so I’m not promising you a great episode here. Most of what I say will be completely obsolete actually so I’ve decided to ditch the Top 10, Climbers and Fallers entirely, making this a guaranteed shortest episode ever. This was already written so it pains me to do so but I feel like it’d be a tad pointless telling you this info when I’m planning to get the next episode out quite literally tomorrow or at least on Sunday, because there’s going to be a different chart review within the next week, and it’s already freely available on the Internet. It would be redundant to make my already redundant job here anymore redundant... I’ve lost myself. Let’s run through Dropouts and such.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

“M.E.N. II” by Bugzy Malone is out after one week from the debut at #34, while elsewhere we have mostly expected dropouts, nothing surprising. “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max is finally out from #36, “Boy with Luv” by BTS featuring Halsey is out from #37 because who expected a K-pop song to last more than a few weeks in the Top 40? “Pretty Shining People” by George Ezra is also out from #39, whilst “Disaster” by Dave featuring J Hus has its streaming cuts and is out from #40. Now there are no returning entries but a massive amount of new arrivals. Let’s go.

NEW ARRIVALS

#39 – “Late Night Feelings” – Mark Ronson featuring Lykke Li

Produced by Mark Ronson and Picard Brothers – Peaked at #5 in Belgium

Remember Mark Ronson? Of course you do, he’s everywhere behind the scenes as a writer and producer, but after “Uptown Funk!”, he seems to appear on the charts spontaneously when you don’t expect it and I had no idea that he’d show up today with this single of all tracks that have been released from his upcoming album of the same name. He seems to have made a proper comeback as a solo or lead act with “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” featuring Miley Cyrus, a worldwide smash, and his Silk City project with Diplo at the same time. Ronson appears to have kept the disco theme going on with this single featuring indie pop singer Lykke Li, who I’ve not heard much of outside her album last year and that song she did with Drake on So Far Gone; I’m excited to hear more from her though, what I have listened to seems promising. This is Ronson’s eleventh UK Top 40 hit as a credited artist and Lykke Li’s first ever charting song above her previous peak of #126, and it’s pretty okay. Lykke Li has one of my favourite voices in pop, so I’m glad her light falsetto tones within the chorus are reflected perfectly in the soft keys and relaxed instrumentation, with a 70s-influenced disco groove that I can really get into. The guitars are slick, even if they’re buried in the mix to make room for Lykke Li and the cloudy synths. I feel it doesn’t develop enough due to this actually, despite how funky the bassline is here, the percussion is somewhat stiff and while I like it, it feels like an inauthentic attempt at replicating this type of disco, and the repetitive backing vocals in the bridge are unnecessary in my opinion. The bridge that is essentially just the pre-chorus with the disco instrumentation replaced with heavy 808s is really cool, but there’s not enough of a climax after that. It just seems very... grey, if that makes sense. Very fitting for the album cover, but this isn’t for me, especially with the annoying “On and on” looped vocal introduced as a post-chorus, it gets on my nerves.

#35 – “Motorola” – Da Beatfreakz featuring Swarmz, Deno and Dappy

Produced by Da Beatfreakz

More UK faux-grime faux-dancehall hip hop, I see – except this is probably one of the best groups of these types of artists you could have, minus maybe a Tion Wayne or Hardy Caprio. Seriously, the names confuse me too. You may be familiar with Da Beatfreakz from their producer tag which appeared on Swarmz’s hit “Bally” – a song I actually loved, so that’s a good sign. Deno is Deno Driz’s new moniker, he had a pretty big hit with “Advice” which sadly peaked after the rapper collaborating with Deno on that song Cadet’s untimely death. Dappy, meanwhile, has more of a legacy after being in some group called N-Dubz in the 2000s; none of that stuff is good, honestly, all of their hits are pretty awful, but Dappy has grown a lot since and he’s actually competent now. This is Swarmz and Deno Driz’s second Top 40 hit, Da Beatfreakz’s first as a credited artist, and Dappy’s eleventh as a solo act. How does this track stack up then? Well, the beat is more tropical nonsense that sounds just like “Bally”, with an almost identical intro, but once that bass hits, the song actually picks up some menace and steam. The chorus is... interesting. It doesn’t have any of the charm that “Bally” had in its hook, which was killer, mostly because of the lack of a catchy melody. Deno sounds really good with his youthful 16-year-old voice on this beat, though, and I won’t say I don’t get a kick out of the vocoder added to Swarmz’s (admittedly pathetic, lazy and awful) verse, as well as the distant “skrrt, skrrt” ad-libs. Dappy is pretty cool, but I wish he did more with his flow, as he has the longest verse, and it gets pretty repetitive, but the mini-skit between the flow switches is actually pretty cool, albeit making the verse as a whole feel janky. Dappy and Deno adding ad-libs to the final chorus does make it feel a bit fuller and while I’m starting to feel Swarmz was a fluke, Dappy and Deno add a lot to this, which I didn’t expect, so I’m not going to be complaining if this ends up an urban hit – but it won’t, because it’s a posse cut that’s not even three minutes and is credited to the producer. I see these tracks all the time and they go nowhere.

#34 – “Falling like the Stars” – James Arthur

Produced by Bradley Spence and Alex Beitzke

Okay, I have a question. Why do we keep James Arthur on the charts again? His voice is gruelling, his instrumentation and production is consistently as generic as possible, with his sloppy singer-songwriter material never being engaging, unique or interesting. After his X Factor win, he had brief success, sure, but after rehab and a homophobic scandal, he came back and why are we letting him on? Everything he’s released since has been worthless chart filler made to appease radio, without any soul put into it, and whenever soul appears to shine in his vocals he sounds like Lewis Capaldi choking on a TARDIS. Don’t get me started on his squealing falsetto either. I’d argue Capaldi took his place until now but they have the same exact issues with me, I can’t stand either of them. That aside, this is his twelfth Top 40 single in the UK, and it’s the same crap. It’s got a more upbeat acoustic guitar jamble this time but Arthur is speaking pure clichés like this woman being the ocean carrying him home, and while this does feel sincere, it’s only due to how strained the voice is and not because the content deserves it. There’s a piano chord every few bars as well just so you notice that this isn’t just a cover of “Wonderwall” by your local aspiring guitarist, and incredibly fake strings that just sound painfully synthetic. Skip this, in fact, I’ll follow my own advice. I only listened to half of this song, so if it gets worse past the drowned out trap percussion in the bridge, tell me. Actually, don’t. Save me the pain.

#22 – “Greaze Mode” – Skepta featuring Nafe Smallz

Produced by Skepta

Nothing’s been great so far. Nothing’s even been all that good, mostly underwhelming or downright awful. So after all those new arrivals, I know who’s never going to disappoint me: Skepta. I love this dude, especially his more recent work that’s been influenced by trap, but he is or was largely a grime artist back in the day. He’s probably the biggest British rapper stateside due to cosigns and collaborations with Drake, Kanye and A$AP Rocky. I’ve only briefly heard of Nafe Smallz from another Top 40 hit he had here with Gunna, but I remember not liking him all too much so I’m wary of his contribution but with a Skepta beat under him, I’m sure it can’t be terrible. He released a double A-side single from his upcoming album, Ignorance is Bliss, and whilst the other song, “Bullet from a Gun”, barely missed the Top 40 at #42, “Greaze Mode” is Skepta’s twelth Top 40 hit and Nafe Smallz’s second, and while I definitely think this is a safe lead single, I’m not exactly saying it’s bad... except it is. Skepta’s delivery and charisma has always been painfully blunt, straightforward and aggressive, but here it sounds lazy and due to bad vocal mixing, I wouldn’t blame you if you forgot he was on this song. The beat has an eerie synth that doesn’t really click with me at all, with a nice sub-bass but it’s pretty much just any old trap beat, despite the brief flute-like flashes of cute synths and a haunting sub-bass. Nafe Smallz’s hook is really the weak link here, though, he has even worse vocal mixing and it is a painful performance, drenched in pointless reverb and autotune that succeeds in covering up nothing, with no wit or flow to his lyrics or content at all. He keeps the same flow for his whole verse and hook and it feels monotonous. This is a severe disappointment from Skepta, I’m sorry, but Nafe Smallz isn’t the only awful part about this. It’s also down to the beat, mixing and Skepta’s first verse (The third verse is remarkably more interesting), and, yeah, this fails on all regards.

#1 – “I Don’t Care” – Ed Sheeran featuring Justin Bieber

Produced by Max Martin, Shellback and Fred Gibson – Peaked at #1 in too many countries to list

“I Don’t Care”. What a fitting title for the lead single off of Ed Sheeran’s next album, No. 6 Collaborations Project, which I guess is some kind of mixtape where every song has a different rapper or featured singer on it? I don’t care enough to go into specifics, but this song reeks of not bothering with any detail. Sheeran didn’t produce this track at all as he usually does and he and Bieber have no chemistry, mostly because they both sound identical as they’re ripped of any unique tones they had to their voice in the first place. The song is about being at a party he doesn’t want to  be at, but still being there because his girlfriend is there. Okay, cool, I don’t care, because he doesn’t make me believe it, especially with that pathetic falsetto “ooh-ooh” in the chorus, Jesus Christ, that’s so forced and unnecessary. The sloppy tropical beat straight out of 2016 has a painful vocal sample that really doesn’t fit in at this party of a song, except if this song is a party, then no one has got anything to say except, “Pass me another drink”, and “You’ve had enough”, your baby’s in the bathroom with some other dude who isn’t Ronald Weasley’s dad or looking like the Jonas Brothers if they were homeless, yet still isn’t one seventy-eighth as wealthy, and you’re stuck there crooning in manufactured autotune to someone who isn’t listening, and a DJ that’s playing Joy Division. It’s that depressing.

Conclusion

We know what’s coming next week: Tyler. But for now, what’s good? What’s bad? Well, Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber take Worst of the Week for being absolutely worthless with “I Don’t Care”, whilst Dishonourable Mention is tied, going to both James Arthur and Skepta for “Falling Like the Stars” and “Greaze Mode” featuring Nafe Smallz. Best of the Week goes to... I’m seriously giving Best of the Week to Dappy?! Okay, well, he, Swarmz, Deno and Da Beatfreakz get Best of the Week for “Motorola”, and that song’s barely a 6 or 7/10, so I think we can call this a pretty pitiful week. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more pop music ramblings and Top 20 rankings, and I’ll see you next week!