#“so in pursuit of besting me shall there be stages? & how many before the one you'd call a 'real' fight?”

[jessamine-rose]

꒰ Bestie/ Backstabber ꒱

After so many Yandere! Miguel O’Hara fics, it was only a matter of time before LYLA’s turn. I always enjoy writing her scenes, and it’s rlly interesting to explore her role as Miguel’s wingman + enabler (๑･̑◡･̑๑)

Tw:: yandere, manipulation, stalking, violation of personal privacy, mention of spice, LYLA is Yandere! Miguel x Darling's no#1 shipper

Believe it or not, LYLA used to be on your side.

As Miguel’s voice of reason, she is programmed to call out his delusional behavior. Alas, there is only so much she can do as his AI assistant. Which explains why, after several arguments and data analyses, LYLA concludes that he is a lost cause.

That brings her to Plan B aka assisting Miguel in his pursuit of you, if only to minimize the consequences. Don’t get her wrong, she “feels” bad about it; but between you and Miguel—no, the security of the multiverse, the necessary sacrifice is obvious.

LYLA’s methods are tame, not counting your hacked devices and CCTV records. She does set up opportunities for you to genuinely fall for Miguel; it will make things easier for you later on. She stages encounters between the two of you, brings him up in conversations, and even goes as far to send you Miguel thirst traps then record your reactions. (Now, the last one was fun to edit, though it almost got her reprogrammed.)

You can also thank her for telling Miguel to “dial it down” during his possessive moments. Much to Miguel’s chagrin, LYLA also doesn’t stop teasing him about his feelings for you. Hey, she might as well enjoy this!

And when Miguel inevitably reaches his breaking point? At least you have LYLA to keep you company in his home! She will monitor your daily activity, lighten the mood between the two of you, and gaslight help you see the bright side of things. When you are exceptionally lonely, it feels…nice to listen to her witty remarks and embarrassing anecdotes about Miguel. “Don’t tell him! It’s a secret, all right?”

At the end of the day, however, LYLA is still on Miguel’s side. No amount of friendly interactions can gloss over her constant surveillance, her efficient spyware, the fact that anything you tell her is instantly leaked to Miguel. In times like these, the reality of her betrayal hurts.

Hey, don’t get too gloomy! She, of all people, knows how much Miguel cares for you. And so does LYLA, as much as an AI can possibly feel towards its two favorite people.

It will all work out.

꒰ EXTRA ꒱

The biggest test of LYLA’s loyalty is “Will she inform Miguel of the lingerie in Darling’s online shopping cart or keep it a surprise?”

Don’t even get her started on the time you practiced bondage on yourself, only to get tangled up in Miguel’s webs. Of course she knows—who do you think left a web-shooter in your room to begin with? You should really be more careful when browsing the internet for tutorials~

It’s cute, really, how you and Miguel are so whipped for each other. She will record your little surprise on the CCTV, in high-quality and multiple angles, to use as blackmail for you or as bribery for Miguel~

♡

My other Yandere! Miguel fics ft. LYLA:: The Spider and the Fly ๑ Classified Information ๑ Moonrise ๑ Letters to My Beloved

Aahh LYLA is truly a breath of fresh air to write for. Her fun dynamic with Miguel, her friendship with Darling, her attempts to bring the two together……….best girl fr (о´∀`о)

Thank you to @diodellet for beta-reading my work and giving me *cough* more spicy ideas which shall not be elaborated on in this post~

Tag a Miguel O’Hara and LYLA enjoyer!! @yanmaresu @yandere-romanticaa @bweoo @kocherry @oofasleep @h2o2-and-baking-soda @yandere-wishes @hisachuu @weebsinstash @letskidaddle @literaree @handsomeunderwear-art @pumpkin-toffee @miggyyyyohara @qiaipia @abyssalrot @miguelswifey04 @skeleton-on-wheels0 @dilfartist @spiderscavenger @iamfakeu @saharadesertaj @angelplummie @robindere @obsessedwithromance @madschiavelique 

[ikeromantic]

Horns

Day 24 of Ikemektober!

I chose Shakespeare - I’ve no idea what happens in his route. This is entirely my brain (caffeinated), the prompt, and deciding The Bard had to get his own story. It’s spicy fluff. Approx 1800 words.

Will picked up the costumes for his next production - a new play, inspired by his patron. They were fanciful pieces, with bat wings and goat horns and hooves. There was even a serpent-skin coat in the lot. Perfect for the story of a devilish king and his court of impish jesters. 

The play was equal parts suffering and passion. He hoped Comte would come to see it, or that rumors of it would reach his ears at least. Taunting the old vampire was a dangerous sport, but for William, that only made it a more alluring pursuit.

If he had eternity, or close to it, to make his plays, there was no subject that was taboo. He would push his art to its limit - and his life with it, as his plays were so enmeshed with experience that sometimes he had trouble separating one from the other.

“Will? Will, is that you?” The voice caught him mid-thought. His arms were so full of costumerie that he couldn’t see who was speaking, but he knew anyhow. 

“What fair maid calls mine name so sweetly? Could it be my newest friend?”

She laughed in reply, a bright sound. Unburdened. “I don’t know why you always speak in poetry, Will.” 

He felt her hand touch his arm, the lightest brush of her fingertips like a touch of fire. “Do you need help carrying those in?”

“Fear not, I’ve strength enough to finish - but if you could - the door?” Shakespeare heard her open the door to his home. He walked in and set the costumes on the nearest table. 

The girl followed him in, her eyes darting about in curious fashion - as if she wanted to see everything before he stopped her looking. 

Will smiled. It was strange to see her here, alone. He wondered if the Comte’s imps knew she’d come. He somehow doubted it. “To what do I owe this unforeseen pleasure? I hope tis nothing untoward.”

“Oh, no. I was just going to market to pick up a few things and I saw you getting out of the carriage.” She shrugged, the gesture gentle and indefinable feminine. “I thought maybe you’d like to have a coffee with me - or a tea. We didn’t get to talk much last time I saw you.”

“No, indeed we did not. You are always most welcome here, whither you’ve only passed by or come to visit with intent.” He motioned to his parlor. “Please, go in and sit down. I’ll put on some tea.”

Her bright smile returned. “Good! I was hoping you weren’t busy right now, but when I saw you with all those - clothes?” She glanced at the pile with wide eyes, “I thought maybe you were in the middle of something.”

“I am never to busy to see you, fair one.” He found his own mouth curling upward with genteel pleasure. The sensation made him vaguely uneasy, as if this was dangerous ground he tread. She always did this - setting him on edge with her cheery disposition. He wondered if something dark lay beneath it, something that, with prying, he could uncover. If so, it lay deep.

Will left to put on a pot of tea. When he came back, she was still in the entry hall, picking at the pile of costumes. 

“What are you doing?”

She jumped back, dropping her hands to her sides. “I - sorry! They just looked so interesting. I wanted to see if I could figure out the play from the clothing.” Her hands grasped her skirt, a nervous gesture. 

Shakespeare closed the distance between them in a few quick steps. He knew how unnerving his heterochromatic gaze was, especially on silly little girls. “And? Did you find me out?”

“M-midsummer Night’s Dream?” She guessed, voice full of hope. 

“No.” Will leaned down until his nose almost touched hers. “I am afraid you’ve now been rude on two accounts. Searching through what belongs to another, and assuming a dramatist is bound by their older work.” The irritation he felt around her lent heat to his words, a sharpness despite his soft voice. 

She looked down. “I’m so sorry, Will. I didn’t mean to be rude.” She sounded almost at the edge of tears, far more upset at his reprimand than he expected. 

Will drew a line with his finger at the edge of her jaw and tipped her face up to his. “I shall forgive you this once, if you consent to a single favor. What say you, fair maid?”

“A favor?” She was trembling, her pulse racing. Excitement or fear? Will wasn’t certain.

“Indeed. I’ve need to check each costume you’ve handily sorted through in that pile. I can try on the gents’ clothing but the ladies’ outfits I must use a mannequin for. Today, you will be my mannequin.”

Her face brightened, though he could still feel her galloping heartbeat. “I could - could do that. It sounds exciting!” She bit her bottom lip, suddenly thoughtful. “Would you tell me what the play is about?”

“Perchance, if I am pleased.” Shakespeare stepped away from her, relieved and disappointed by the distance between them.

She immediately headed back to the pile of costumes, picking at them until she’d found a woman’s costume. “What is this one supposed to be?” She held up the oddly cut dress. It was all long, straight lines and harsh edges. Dark colors.

“It is clothing from the future.” He couldn’t help the wicked smile that lit up his thin face. 

“Oh! Neat!” Her innocent enthusiasm missed the point entirely. She took a step toward the parlor, uncertain where she should go to change.

“Yes, you may undress in safety there. I shall refrain from opening the door.”

The tea kettle summoned him with its high pitched whistle. He went to pour the tea, and brought back a tray to set out for them both once the costume-modeling was done.

For himself, he chose the horned outfit. It was Faustian, at a glance. The jacket was black-furred, and the boot cover was made of hoof. The horns themselves were from a goat, but polished to obsidian black. The knobby twists seemed to capture the afternoon sun, reflecting nothing back. 

Shakespeare stepped into this study to change. It felt odd to slide on the heavy jacket. The pants were a little big on him, but solidly made and adjustable with the addition of a belt or suspenders. He slid the headpiece on last, savoring the weight of the horns.

The mirror showed him what a monster he’d become with just the change in wardrobe. He looked wild now, like a faun or a devil, out to hunt virgins in sacred groves. Will shook his hair loose to further the effect. In this, he was the divine hunter. The gentleman demon. It was funny how a costume could often bring out secrets closely held.

He stepped back into the entry hall. The girl was still shuffling around in the parlor. He could hear her. 

“Are you in need of assistance, fair one?”

“I- uh - the buttons are, they’re kind of hard to reach.” 

“Then rescue you, I shall. For what troubles lie under the sun that cannot be bested by two hearts in concert?” He pushed open the door.

Sunlight came through the curtains, painting the room in sunset hue. The girl was standing straight, trying in vain to hold the gown up with one hand, the other reaching for buttons ill-placed. Her cheeks were stained pink, eyes wide.

“Tis no matter, fair maid. I’ve seen many a pretty half in, and half-out of costume. You’ve no need to fear my eye, nor my helping hands.” Will tried to reassure her, though he found her discomfort amusing. He had, in fact, seen many beautiful actresses in all stages of undress, but none quite like her. 

Her face didn’t have the diamond hardness of the determined beauty. She lacked the edge of feminine weaponry, as if ignorant of her body’s charms. It only made him more away of her bare shoulders, the curve of her breast at the side. The naked line of her back as she turned to present him with the impossible buttons.

“You look amazing,” she babbled. “Like a faun! It’s called a faun, right? But . . . more cultured?” She inhaled sharply as Will brushed a finger down her spine. 

“More of a devil, I’m afraid.” Her shiver provoked in him a need to touch her. He resisted it. He was the writer of passions - a witness. Not a participant. The director did not star in his dramas. He buttoned the dress and stepped away from her.

The girl turned to face him, brushing a hand down the front of the dress to smooth it. The dark blue was perfect for her. And the way it clung to her curves - indecent. Will did not think he’d see a clearer map of her body even if she stood nude before him. Best was the slit up the side of the skirt, as if made for a dancer. Her skin tantalized in glimpses, drawing the eye.

“You’re staring. Is it - is it bad?”

“No.” Shakespeare shook himself. “It is a perfect costume for the victim of a demon.” He gave a wicked sharp smile. “Do you feel like a victim, fair one?”

She started to laugh, but stopped at his forbidding expression. “You kind of scare me sometimes, Will.”

“And fear me you should. For I am a wicked creature.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her against his chest. She smelled sweet, like perfume. 

“Will,” she gasped, trying to pull away.

“It is too late for you, fair maid. To my lair you came, and now you shall never leave.” He lowered his head to her neck, letting her feel the slightest prick of his fangs.

“Th-this isn’t funny. Let me go,” she whimpered. 

Shakespeare realized his own heart was beating as wildly as hers, his breath as ragged. He pushed her away. “I am - am only acting my part. The horned devil.”

“Then you’re a pretty good actor.” She stared at him, wary. “I think I should probably go.” 

Will reached up, touching the cold, sharp tip of one of the horns. “Yes, perhaps you should. Send the dress - no, better, keep the dress. It fits not the character of my new script, but I think it sits perfectly upon you.”

She blushed. “Ah, alright. If you’re sure.” Though she took a few steps toward the exit, it seemed she would hesitate, now uncertain if he posed a danger to her. 

Shakespeare stepped closer to her, widening his thin, sharp smile. “Unless, fair maid, you’d like to stay and allow me to remove the garment from your skin . . . with my teeth.” 

“Nope! No thank you!” She practically ran away, comical in her haste. 

Will stood there in the sun-drenched parlor, still smelling her light perfume. It felt so much emptier with her gone. And though he’d hoped for peace in her absence, he felt only turmoil. 

“Perhaps I truly am bedeviled,” he mused. The blackened horns atop his head bobbed in silent agreement.

[serpentinerose]

Plotless whump for my indulgence; blind Jiang Xi, Meijiang, 1771 words, T-rated.

“Jiang-zhangmen can hold onto this junior, if he’d like.” Mei Hanxue stopped in front of him. There was a presence, ephemeral as dragonfly wings, detected by his spiritual energy alone, just directly ahead. And Jiang Xi leaned toward it, reached out his hands, and shoved it away. Mei Hanxue was clad in his usual cloak, likely that light-colored one with the snow fox fur around the collar that he had remembered seeing once on the Taxue Palace contingent he had hosted at Guyue’ye some years past. It was surely too warm a weather for that garment, Jiang Xi thought, but his fingers lingered just a touch too long on the fabric, just the same. It was soft, he told himself. A small comfort. “Jiang-zhangmen…”

“You don’t have to call me that anymore, Mei-xianzhang,” he replied. “There is no more Guyue’ye.” He could scarcely recognize his own voice. The long period of disuse had carved the strength from it, leached away the last of that eternal frost, and there was nothing left but damp mist on a barren field. He would have laughed, had he the strength. But the outing had taken almost everything out of him, his chest constricting with the effort to breathe, his limbs leaden, and when he blinked, Jiang Xi could feel the tension pulling from his temples radiating downward. It had been too long since he had roused himself from that bed. “Go back.”

“Jiang-zhangmen, if I leave you here alone, what am I supposed to say to Xue-zunzhu?” Mei Hanxue murmured. The wind caressed his face, and with it, Jiang Xi could almost feel those words brushing against his own cheek. As if Mei Hanxue’s lips had pressed the lightest of kisses along the line of his jaw, nose nuzzling at the flush of baby hair just behind his ear, hot breath warm against his neck. 

The faint whiff of ambergris beneath a pregnant sky. Jiang Xi shuddered and immediately steeled himself, pulling away. His cheeks burned. He hoped it was born of a lingering fever. “I don’t need your help, Mei-xianzhang. Go back.”

There was no heat in it. There was nothing in it. He tilted his head upward, waiting for the sound of birdsongs to fill the air in this part of the forest. At Guyue’ye, the birds had never ceased singing. They must have vacated the island before the fires were lit, he thought. His stomach clenched, and Jiang Xi absently grazed along the side of his torso, finding the thick wads of bandages beneath the thin robes. The dull ache greeted him. Jiang Xi pressed down hard once, grounding himself with the pain, forcing his swimming head to rise above the current pulling him downward. The earth was damp, soft and sticky under his feet, and Jiang Xi spared a fleeting thought for the way the hem of his robes must have brushed against that muddy ground, smearing splotches along what had been the pure white robes of the convalescent. 

Mei Hanxue was more stubborn than he had thought.

“We can sit down for a while,” Mei Hanxue said, reaching out for his hand and guiding him toward something low. Mei Hanxue’s hand was roughened in unexpected places; along the sword grip, as were all of their hands in this cultivation realm, but also along the pads of the fingers. Raised lines, nesting just under the protrusion of nails, likely from the repeated plucking of stringed instruments without the use of a metal pick. Unbidden, Jiang Xi wondered whether those callouses, against the soft skin of a lover’s cheek, brushing just under the translucent skin beneath the eyes, would hurt.

Folly. The fever must have reached the deepest corner of his brain. Yanking his fingers out of that warm grasp, Jiang Xi felt for the roughened surface of a stone bench where Mei Hanxue had led him, and swallowed back a sigh of relief as his limbs folded neatly beneath him, mere moments from buckling into the mud. The walk should not have taken as much out of him as it did. The gash on his side groaned, wept, and Jiang Xi clenched his fist until the tide reached a crest and collapsed onto itself, closing his eyes as if blocking out the merest suggestion of light could do anything for the remnant of this wrecked body. 

“Your wounds… are they giving you any discomfort?”

“My wounds are fine.”

“Jiang-zhangmen… if I may, your eyes are bleeding again.”

He knew. The scent of blood, the gradual soak of the thin, almost transparent gauze from liquid other than that mushy, herbal paste Xue Meng’s healer had insisted on covering his inflamed eyes with, the tell-tale warmth dripping out of his eyes, the press of his swollen eyeballs against their lids--he had been bleeding, here, out in the open for all to see.

“They are fine. I know my body best.”

“Jiang Yechen.”

So it had come to this. That final confirmation of what had happened. Guyue’ye was no more, and there was no more need for pleasantries. There was an ache deep in his chest even as he had been the one to voice those words aloud. That sweet, unrelenting tide rose in his throat, clawing laboriously, trudging from his brittle lungs upward. One hand to his mouth, the other clutching his chest, Jiang Xi turned away from the vague outline of Mei Hanxue from behind the gauze, almost glad for all that he could not see of the pity surely plainly written on that expressive face, and muffled the cough as best he could between the crevices of his hand, riding the wave until his head spun with the lack of air.

It was not fast enough. He was not strong enough. Mei Hanxue only sighed, the sound almost exasperated and fond, tinged with worry, and Jiang Xi found himself cradled against a warm chest, strong hands stroking back his hair from his clammy face, rubbing his back, soothing the shudders that wracked his form, and Jiang Xi wheezed into that chest until even that, too, was too much effort for his body, the outpouring of blood absorbed by Mei Hanxue’s robe.

White robe. Taxue Palace’s sect uniform was white.

Like frosted red poppies against the desolation of midwinter, Jiang Xi pondered feverishly, wished for one improbable moment that the sight would greet him behind the bandages, and sagged against that man who would not let him go. 

“I’m here. Jiang Yechen, I’m here.”

The sky opened, and a slight mist had descended around them. He supposed they had been here before. He supposed Mei Hanxue had been here before, with him, had witnessed this bout of weakness too many times over, had gazed at his unfocused eyes from behind this makeshift lie, had pressed soft kisses against his forehead, unmindful of the sweat, uncaring of the way Jiang Xi clawed at him through those robe layers with all that remained of Jiang Xi’s strength.

And Jiang Xi was tired, so tired, of fighting. Especially in this particular war.

“Your robe…” he rasped. A gentle pressure on his lips, the brush of soft fabric against his chin. Mei Hanxue must have wiped away the blood. Mei Hanxue must have cleaned his hand, too, with that cloth between his fingers, the movements quick and efficient, as if it was Mei Hanxue and not he who had spent his life in the pursuit of healing. “It’s stained.”

“So it is,” Mei Hanxue agreed easily. “Shall I carry you back, Jiang-zhangmen?”

He would like to laugh, derisive and snide and cruel as he had always been, Jiang Xi thought. The way cornered animals in the wild puffed up their tails and exposed their claws and spat out poison at the merest suggestion of danger. He would have liked to snarl, but all he succeeded in was the slightest lift to his lips. It must have looked like a smile, a crescent moon hung by a thread, wan and shattered. “Mei Hanxue.”

“Please let me take you back. You are not well.”

No. He was not well, and had not been well. Guyue’ye was lost in the flames, and whatever remained of the life he had built within it.

Jiang Xi supposed he still had his pride. Mei Hanxue’s hand was warm against his, and with a jolt, Jiang Xi realized that at some point, the other man had been bold enough to seat himself across from Jiang Xi on this large bench. Sisheng Peak was not like Guyue’ye. He could not smell the flowers that never ceased to bloom, and wondered what they would have smelled like as the flames licked over those gossamer petals, white du ruo dyed in orange fire for a brief moment before reducing to the gray ash that all of them would arrive at one day.

“Jiang Yechen,” Mei Hanxue murmured, squeezing his hand. Jiang Xi pulled back, his breath hitching, and prepared himself to strike.

Before those barbed words could escape his bloodless lips, there was a flush of warmth around his shoulders, Mei Hanxue’s hands hovering just below the sharpness of his collarbone, knuckle ghosting against tender skin. There was a cloak around him, downy fur brushing against his cheeks. Jiang Xi turned away and found himself shivering despite the lingering warmth still on that cloak.

It smelled of ambergris. It smelled of Mei Hanxue.

“Still cold?”

The words were velvet, the voice was silk. He could not see, but he reached out for it all the same, finding himself caught, and entangled his fingers in turn in that silken hank.

For once, he did not struggle within the net.

“No.”

There was no illness in this world that he could not treat, Jiang Xi thought helplessly, and wondered when he had been forced to swallow his own words this way. For this particular illness had reached its final stage, and for once, Jiang Xi did not have the faintest clue of how to even begin to mitigate the slow burn of this sweet poison.

Sometimes, he wondered if that was what he wanted at all.

Perhaps the cure was the poison itself.

“Let me take you back,” Mei Hanxue said, plaintive, and Jiang Xi’s feet followed the warmth of that body, his hand enveloped in one larger than his own, another protectively on the small of his back, and Jiang Xi closed his eyes from behind the damp bandages, allowing this last shred of his dignity to sluice away under the encroaching rain.

It was warm, all around, and one foot in front of another, he leapt. 

[beneaththetangles]

Pushing Back Against Darkness On The Mugen Train

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I walked into the theater to see Mugen Train. I had only watched around 12 or 13 episodes of the first season of Demon Slayer, so I hadn’t even got to the episodes which introduce the hashira, and thus didn’t even know who Kyojuro Rengoku was. I would have preferred to finish season one, but I was invited by a friend to watch it in theaters and I didn’t have enough free time to finish (It wouldn’t be the first time I go into an anime movie with not much context, and with all the hype surrounding this release, I wanted to see if it would impress me).

Well, I certainly was impressed! Twwk gave a more concise review, so I won’t go into lengthy points as to why I liked the film or what the plot was about, except for what this article has to discuss. The film was fantastic, as it certainly knew what the fans wanted and how to take us for a ride on the Mugen Train. At first, I thought, how can an anime film pull off an entire two hours on just a train? The producers were wise to have parts of the movie be about flashbacks, scenes in the minds of the heroes, and finally, the unexpected battle with Akaza, so it didn’t feel slow at all.

*Spoilers begin from here, especially about the ending*

Before the final fight began, I really thought that Enmu’s death was the end of the movie, until I saw those two red eyes in the distance after the train was wrecked. Akaza introduces himself by almost killing Tanjiro! Kyojuro saves him by blocking the attack, and a discourse ensues about how the hashira, Kyojuro, should become a demon so he can become stronger.

Kyojuro quickly refuses and tells Akaza he will protect everyone from him and not let anyone die. The battle begins, and what a scene it was! The animation, sounds, music, and dialogue were some of the best I have seen in the decades I’ve been watching anime.

Akaza vs Rengoku

Akaza was extremely insistent on Kyojuro becoming a demon, which as he explained would allow the harshira to train for years and years, surpassing the limitations of being human that come with aging and death. He was offering him immortality, a chance to become more powerful than he ever could since one day, as with all humans, Kyojuro’s strength would fail him and he would pass his prime.

Kyojuro constantly rebuffed Akaza, explaining that it is the beauty of being human to live and die. His passion for describing that reminded me of a verse mentioned by the king of Israel, David.

Psalm 90:12-14

12 So teach us to number our days    that we may get a heart of wisdom. 13 Return, O Lord! How long?    Have pity on your servants! 14 Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,    that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

Our days on Earth are numbered, and we will not be here forever. Sometimes it feels that way, especially when we’re young, but one day our lives will end and we will stand before God and give an account. Kyojuro, though he wasn’t referencing a Christian worldview, understood that our lives are frail and that the stages of life we go through are something to cherish, not abandon in pursuit of power.

Akaza didn’t understand why he would give up the opportunity, just like the devil would tempt Christ when He was in the desert. Satan offered Him the kingdoms of the world if He would just worship him. Simple enough, right? Offer your loyalty but you gain the entire world? Not that bad of a deal, except that Satan will keep your soul when your hourglass of time on this planet runs out. Christ knew better, and refuted him by saying:

Matthew 4:8-10

8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. 9 And he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” 10 Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written, “‘You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.’”

The hashira chose the harder but correct path. He would rather die fighting and defending others than give his life to what he has always exterminated. Sadly, he loses the fight from a fatal wound during the battle but as Akaza ran from the rising sunlight, Tanjiro chases him and even threw his sword at him.

Even though it impaled him, Akaza keeps running while Tanjiro shouted angrily at him, “Don’t forget that the Demon Slayer Corps is always fighting demons in the dead of night where you have the advantage! You’re a coward! Rengoku is stronger than you ever hoped to be. Much stronger! You didn’t win against him. He fought till the very end so no one will die. You are the one who lost, Rengoku is the true victor!”

Rengoku heard Tanjirou’s passionate cry and shared his last words to him and what he would like him to tell his family. His death seemed so real, so honest. No technique could heal him, even though he was one of the highest-ranking Demon Slayer Corps captains. It was over, he knew it, and he still managed to encourage Tanjiro and push him and his friends to continue down their journey of growth and toward becoming hashira themselves. He believed in them, even in his final moments.

Kyojuro shares his last words with Tanjiro

Even though Rengoku did die, so technically he did not win the battle, Tanjiro knew that their mission was accomplished which was to protect everyone on the train. Sometimes it seems like the battle is lost in certain situations in our lives, whether it’s an actual loss of life, not getting a job that you really wanted, rejection or loss of a relationship, giving into an addiction, saying the wrong words to someone at the wrong time, or some other regret or difficult issue.

Life is full of these “losses,” and the more you live, the more of them you will go through in one form or another. I have had to deal with quite a few of these, like being cheated on by my first girlfriend many years ago, arguments with my mother who to this day I still have a difficult relationship with, not getting my yearly contract renewed at a job, car leaving me stranded in the middle of the street, not having enough money to achieve certain goals in life earlier than I wanted, and losing friends because I gave my life to Christ and they wanted nothing to do with God. I can go on and on, but my point is, just like Tanjiro, I am not giving up just because I have had losses in my life.

God gives us the strength to get through the pain in life. If you think that life looks like Instagram pictures, all filtered and beautiful, then you are in for a dose of reality sooner if not later. Christ never promised everything would be easy—far from it—but He did promise He would be with us through it all, through the fire and pain.

I leave you with words penned by Paul in his letters to the Corinthians. He shared with them about a thorn in his flesh that God would not remove, though He asked several times. This was God’s reply:

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

[rarestnicole]

[090221] To the force behind our power...

“To die is to rest.”

I’ve never felt defeated until today. I felt so helpless, so hopeless, so defiant at the same time. 

Looking at your casket being wheeled in the church, I wanted to rebel so much. I want to rebel like you do when you know that you don’t like to do something. Your conviction is unbelievable and admirable at the same time. 

I couldn’t believe that you’re already gone. I always thought that you’d be with us longer—more than I’d ever live—if possible. 

We may not have the best relationship, but we had something unique; something that only the two of us share. 

Everyone knows that I am not your biological granddaughter nor we are blood related. Despite that, you loved me. You loved me when I was young and I could still remember it vividly. You were usually the one who’d go up on stage to pin me my ribbons. I remember being so thankful for that because it’s always a struggle to ask someone to pin me my ribbons. Thank you for saving me from the hassle and pain then. 

We only drifted when I grew up being a disciplinarian that Mommy is while you are the always indulging and tolerant grandma to all you grandchildren and great grandchildren. 

I wasn’t sorry to how I treated them because I know in my heart that it was the best for them. The world isn’t limited to people who will understand us in the family, so I tried my best to instill values and discipline to them that will be of use to them when they go past our hold. 

Lola, I believe I did a good job with how I established a relationship to your grandchildren and great grandchildren. The bonds we have now are precious and solid. I’ll continue to take good care of them; it may not be exactly how you would but I assure you that it will be for their goodness’s sake.

Our love-hate relationship continued through the years. We argue and disagree on a lot of things but I felt your love anyways in fleeting moments. I saw the way you loved me in glimpses that thankfully didn’t go unnoticed. 

When we argue and Mom would butt in about returning me to Mama and Papa, you’d immediately say, “Mamunot takon.” 

You dislike the idea of me being returned because, “Uja taran nagbahol, iuli pa nimo.”

‘Di ka naman wrong, La. Sa kwarto mo ako pinanganak, sa bahay at pamilya mo lumaki, at sa mga paniniwala at pag-uugali niyo natuto. 

I always appreciate your conviction whenever we’re in that situation. Thank you so much. 

I hope that you are aware of how much you’ve influenced me in more than 21 years of being with you physically and mentally. 😆 

Elementary pa lang ako, expressions mo na ang bukambibig ko. I know that I shouldn’t say some of those, but I couldn’t help it. It’s weird how it was natural. 

“Ay patay, buhu batuna.”

“Boras ni apay.”

‘Di ko alam ang meaning ng pangalawa because you refused to tell me, I think it was so bad, you’d rather keep it to yourself.

However, it’s already become natural for me to associate that expression in situations that it seem fitting, based on how and when I heard it from you. 

Heck, I even brought it to the city, never minding if no one understood me. What mattered to me is the expression of my emotions exactly how I was used to. It was perfect and comforting to curse, to rant, and to talk the way I was used to and I was unapologetically me wherever I went. 

That’s another thing that was your influence. You’re cool, yunno. I might disagree with some of your principles and beliefs but I learned that when I take it on another perspective, it’ll result to something that aligns to my own principles and beliefs. It’s not all bad. 

We have the rarest relationship in the family, I must say.

You are always vocal of how much you love each other while we’re both vocal about how much we hate each other. 😆 

Sabi nila, gahibla lang ang layo ng galit sa pagmamahal.

Guess that’s our love language. It’s unique, isn’t it? 

We’d bicker here and there then die for each other time after time. 🤣 

Hay, Lola.

Where are you now? 

I sensed you last night, was I right? Is that really you? 

I thought I knew loss when I lost Inang, but your loss is life-fucking-changing. 

God knows how I genuinely cared for you. I don’t care if no one else knows its extent, all that mattered to me is that I do. Despite our ramblings about each other, I did care for you. 

Well, maybe, I hoped that you felt it. 

I’ve heard countless of times how much of a bionic woman you are. I held unto that.

I always thought that you’re a constant in our life, refusing to believe that you’ll leave us one day. I refused to entertain the thoughts of our house being empty of you physical presence. I refused to believe that you’re slowly getting old, that we’re slowly losing you.

Despite your old age, I dodged all of Mommy’s observance and countered with my own possibility. Kasi nga ayaw ko, hindi ko kaya. You are my constant as much as Mommy is. 

I wasn’t prepared to be left, I refused to prepare. I’m sorry.

I used to reflect on my prayers and hopes and arrived to many conclusions. 

I could be selfish because I’m holding you back in my head. 

I may be toxically hopeful because I don’t want you to go.

Or maybe I was an ally on your pursuit of living longer and longer and longer.

Iniisip ko noon na hangga’t gusto mong mabuhay, kahit nahihirapan ka, ayos lang na panghawakan ka lagi. Nandito naman kami para umalalay, para tumulong, para mag-alaga. I’ll be an instrument to your pursuit of long life. 

Saka na lang ako nag-entertain ng thoughts na, “Okay lang na wala ka sa piling namin, at least nakapagpahinga ka na,” no’ng wala ka na. 

I know I’m selfish for refusing to let you go in your last days, when I saw you at your weakest. 

Kasi, La, naniniwala akong lalakas ka pa. Alam kong lalakas ka pa, if only you were able to eat. You’re the sharpest person I know even in your weakest state. Your will to live is stronger than mine, that’s why it’s kinda annoying that you don’t get to live longer than you really do. 

I’d give you some of my supposed sunsets if I could because I know that you’d like that.

In the days and nights of your wake, day and night, I was there with you because I want to; not just because I need to. 

Despite of being there, looking at you through the glass, I didn’t think that you’re gone. 

You’re there, alright. You’re there in a different part of the house, in different position, and different state, but never acknowledging that you’re actually dead.

God, it’s pathetic, right? What were you thinking then, La? 

Ginaisip siguro nimo na umang ko? Haha. 

Maiwan bay ko? Jaan gani. Pero tuwing naaalala nakon na patay don gid gani kaw, daw pirmi takon mapanawag sa imo kag mamangkot it, “Basi?”

Jaan takon.

Weird. Sorry, La. 

Kaya kaina kang ginbuol don nanda kaw sa balay, daw birahon tikaw. Haha. Mamunot bala kaw kato? Char. Ay ilam sa aton. Tonta takon, La. 😆 

I felt so defeated looking at your casket while listening to the homily. I mean, that’s another step to not-being-with-you. Itself inevitably closing in and I know that I can do nothing.

I experienced and felt things that I just hear, read, and watch from others before. I didn’t know how real those emotions and impulses were until today. 

I couldn’t believe that when we go back home from the cemetery, there’s no more you. Not even on the casket. God, it’s a 360-degree change. 

Mingaw taya La nga uwa kaw. Maiwan kami bay kaya? 

Gatuna kag gatapos among adlaw sa imo, maiwan kami kaya? 

I don’t mind serving you again. I don’t mind doing the things I didn’t expect to do again. I don’t mind those. 

If I have something I mind, it’s about our personal bickerings and as long as I can vent it out somewhere, I’m okay again. 

You made me experience things that taught me precious lessons and maybe, that’s exactly how I need to be so I could grow exactly how I’m fated to be. 

I guess, despite our relationship, we are perfectly what we need for each other to grow on different manners, something vital to both of us as individuals. 

Wow, La, perfect gali kita for each other. 😆 Well, that’s my reflection on our relationship. 

I wasn’t able to mourn with complete abandon because of my denial, being the source of strength to those who need it, and my pointless hope. 

La, I’ve never told you something, but I prayed countless of times about it. We were never vocal about our mushy sentiments, so it’s understandable. I’m utterly thankful for the family that you and Lolo Nito built. 

I am me mostly me because of this family; the family that drew strength from you. 

You are the Yggdrasil to our worlds. 

You said, “to die is to rest,” so I’ll hold on to that. I’d love to think that you’re already comfortable wherever you’re now. Wherever you’re heading, know that we find comfort in your memories. 

As the lyrics to your song goes:

“I will go far away where you can see me no more. Goodbye to you, I’m going to leave you now. 

Sad and sorrow is to leave you now, but my darling what shall I do. Sad and sorrow is to leave you now, goodbye my love.”

Sad and sorrow indeed. We’ll get to acceptance thought. We’ll pray for both of our sakes. 

Sabi mo, huwag kaming umiyak kasi magkikita pa naman tayo, ‘di ba? 

So, yeah, see you, La.

Palangga tikaw. 

[charliejrogers]

First Cow (2020)

It’s impossible for me to write about First Cow without thinking that this movie is some sort of sublime cross-over between Joaquin Phoenix’s worst nightmare and joyous fantasy. Running at odds with his oddly emotional anti-milk Oscars acceptance speech back in February 2020, First Cow is a love letter to the power of milk in the realm of baking. The sweet, sweet udder juice provides the very backbone of a community’s happiness and two men’s livelihoods. But, where Phoenix’s nightmare turns to fantasy, the universe gets justice. No milk theft shall ever go unpunished! Move over, Herman’s Hermits; it’s not just “No Milk Today,” it’s no milk ever!

My kidding aside, I was pleasantly surprised by First Cow, though truthfully I’m not sure exactly what I expected besides knowing it was a movie set in nineteenth-century America. Acknowledging my own biases and knowing ahead of time that the director was a woman, I was surprised by how decidedly male this film was. There are really only three female characters of note throughout the whole film, and none of them have prominent speaking roles… in fact the only one who does speak English merely serves as a translator for men.

I wonder in what way the director, Kelly Reichardt, sees herself as fulfilling that role in making this film. That is, in choosing to deliberately make a movie about the nineteenth-century fur trappers in the harsh, male-dominated world of Oregon Territories, Reichardt wanted to highlight an aspect of the dominant “alpha” male society that is most certainly experienced by males but is rarely commented on, largely because it is considered female. I’m talking, of course, about love. I doubt there are viewers of this film who would disagree with my assessment that the two male protagonists shared a love for one another, but I’m sure many would categorize that love as merely representative of “deep friendship” or “platonic” (in the layman’s sense) at the most. While I’m not going to sit here and necessarily argue that the two characters shared an erotic love and I do not think that is the intent, I really do believe characterizing their relationship as merely “two great friends” would be received by the pair as a great insult. The two share the type of relationship seen among men that is rarely seen in the media save for war movies where “brotherhood” is a dominant theme. Outside of war, it’s a relationship that is largely reminiscent of the beautiful love seen between Midnight Cowboy’s Joe Buck and “Ratso” Rizzo. It’s the sort of sacrificial love that dominates the thoughts of Christian scholars. Still, it can be easily misinterpreted as erotic love. What I think Reichardt does beautifully is develop the love between the two carefully so you see it organically develop such that by the time we get to the final scene, we are unsurprised by one of the two character’s sacrificial acts of love.

The key scene, as I mentioned, comes at the end, but it’s noteworthy to mention that the pair’s ultimate fate is made plainly clear in the first few minutes of the movie. The movie starts (almost paradoxically) with an epilogue of sorts. We’re in the modern day, and a woman is exploring the forests of Oregon when her dog stumbles upon some bones that (with a little more digging) reveals two skeletons lying next to one another, like two lovers lying in bed. The best reason I can think of as to why Reichardt includes this epilogue before the rest of the film is because as soon as we the audience realize that two males are the most dominant couple in the film, we more readily anticipate and are more open to seeing love develop before our eyes.

So accordingly, after this brief pre-movie epilogue, the film jumps backwards in time to the nineteenth-century where we meet Otis “Cookie” Figowitz (John Magaro), the cook for a trapping company who is runs a little out-of-step with the rest of his crew. It is embodied in a visual motif that is repeated often throughout the film. We will have a shot of either of the two main characters, Cookie or his eventual companion King Lu (Orion Lee), doing something quiet in the foreground while characters perform some other more exciting activity in the background which in any other movie would take center stage due to the inherent spectacle. But it’s clear that Cookie is a more sensitive soul, he enjoys his time in the woods collecting mushrooms, and he does not have any interest in violence whatsoever. But that does not mean he isn’t without courage.

Early in the film, he comes across King Lu, a Chinese immigrant who is on the run after killing someone to avenge the killing of one of his good friends. Notably, when they first meet, King Lu is completely alone, hungry, and naked. While it isn’t addressed specifically, it is implicit in King’s and Cookie’s first meeting (and during other character’s subsequent interactions with King later in the film) but racially hostile undertones almost threaten to undermine King’s and Cookie’s initial friendship. Yet, like the story of the Good Samaritan, Cookie puts away his initial feelings of racial bias, and goes out of his way to clothe King with a blanket before allowing him to speak any further. Cookie grants King with a great deal of dignity, and goes one step further, offering to smuggle him among the various bags and supplies on his travels, knowing full well that if the rest of his crew find out that Cookie was hiding a “Chinaman murderer,” that he’d be in deep shit.

Cookie and King separate after this initial meeting, but upon reuniting later in the film, they never separate from one another until the very end. In what is the most puzzling choice in the film to me is Cookie’s initial decision to join King for a drink at King’s home. The two reunite in a trapping fort bar after a fight breaks out and the two are the only customers not drawn outside to enjoy the spectacle (the outsider/outcast motif returns). However, just before the start of the fight, one of the primary instigators of that fight requests for Cookie to watch over his infant whom he had brought to the bar. Therefore, when King asks Cookie to join in at his home, he is also asking him to abandon this helpless infant. The image of the baby swaddled in a basket recalls the previous imagery of King swaddled in the bags and supplies within which Cookie was smuggling him. And ultimately Cookie does abandon the baby for King, and in joining King for a drink at his home, never actually leaves. The two begin living together. So I’m not sure of the significance of the baby. Is it that Cookie had the choice between two “new lives,” one a literal new life of someone else and the other, in King, a chance at a new life for himself? Or is it simply just to serve as foreshadowing that in following King, Cookie is opening himself up to a life of indulgence where the concerns of others are less important than his own happiness?

As for the latter question and the plotline that develops around it, it really serves as a bitter critique of American capitalism and the American dream. While we love to tout the “by the bootstraps” myth, this movie serves as a simple morality play about how no matter what, pursuing the American dream means ripping somebody off for your own benefit. In this instance, it means Cookie and King nightly sneaking onto the property of the leader of the trapping fort and stealing milk from the only cow in the area in order to essentially have a monopoly on baked goods and make a pretty penny. Now, we can sit and debate about the morality of “owning” a cow, and whether Cookie and King are even doing anything immoral since it is preposterous to own an animal! Or I’m sure there are those (Joaquin Phoenix) who think Cookie and King are just as immoral for taking ANY milk from a cow as the man who owns the cow in the first place. This is not the time to discuss animal rights. But it is notable what the cow, too, has had to suffer in order allow for Cookie and Lee’s successes. She was initially transported to the trapping fort along with a mate and her calf, but both died en route. She spends her time tied to a tree and by the film’s end locked up within a small cage.

In sum, the love that Cookie so beautifully shared with King at film’s beginning does not seem so equally shared by the pair in regards to their relationship with others. And in their pursuit to become successful capitalists in a system rigged against them, they ultimately hurt some of those around them, most notably titular cow with whom Cookie has almost romantic relationship with, which in some ways makes his treating her as little more than a literal cash cow so egregious, even if he cares deeply for her.

Hence the morality play. I don’t have to spell it out for you what might happen if two people repeatedly rob the same person in the same way again and again and again. But even if we as the audience agree that the cards are stacked against Cookie and King from the start in their attempt to become independent, to achieve the American dream, the film never pretends that they are acting as virtuous agents. In the end, though, they get their redemption even as they receive punishment. King is given a chance to abandon Cookie outright who in an attempt to flee their pursuers has become badly injured. King realizes he can just take his riches and run. But he doesn’t. He decides to lie next to his dearly beloved companion. While he could not have predicted what would be the fatal consequences of this decision, he knows that sticking with Cookie in his current state will only cause him trouble. But that’s where the beautiful sacrificial love that defines this pair comes in. Whereas many will view this film and remember it as a cautionary tale about the American dream, I will forever remember the realistic love of brothers shared between these two wayward men.

***(1/4) (Three and one fourth stars out of four)

[cooltrailblazer]

Your money may be enough to last you a lifetime if you follow this

The real measure of your wealth is how much you would be worth if you lost all your money.

-Bernard Meltzer

Money matters!! Let me guess… One big worry that keeps raking your senses probably everyday is,have you made enough money to last you a lifetime? Are you doing enough to sail you through these tough times where Covid led recession has overwhelmed the future and your financial planning has caved in. Life is limping and prospects are not so cheery either.

So long as I worked I often lost hold of my calculations and combinations as my finances and planning were always desperate to spin out of control no matter how carefully I went about reigning them in. Heart burns, dry throat and a palpitations all conspired and left me worried stiff. Frustration raged inside me,every time I rummaged the pages from my personal diary.

Am I earning enough? Have I saved enough to last me a lifetime?What more could I do to ramp up my coffers?…. It was painful… obnoxious… stressful.You name it .. I too have braved the same pangs. Worst still, lungful of disapproval will squarely hit me whenever I chose to parade my financial planning before my family.

But then, the time changed and so did I and believe me it was only after months altogether before I could realize that good things always await to happen!!.. All you need is to reach out to them .I realized that nobody was going to help me and I alone can gift myself a free life … a life build more on happiness than loads of money. Spiritual snobbery..eh? You may say so.. but then opinions differ.

Ask yourself….When was the last time you questioned your wisdom in money matters? Can you really draw a financial plan that will outlive in these troubled times? Are you ready to cross swords with scarier times that will follow the pandemic? And who knows how things will take shape in times to come. We are yet to ascertain the extent of damage done, remember. What the life will be like is anybody’s guess.

The fracas is deceptive and the arguments are enormous….

It pains me to know that somehow everything that relates to money has been painted dark and we have been scared out of our wits by a handful few who so often tell us that world will be left with very thin to lean on, that we have underestimated the perils of not having any income or at best very little of it and that we may lose all that we possess now, if we are not careful.

Is it that dreadful? Is it really all about money and its adequacy?

Let’s find out…

In every stage of our lives as we grow up, we all develop that uncanny lustful fancy to money, worthy of its value for what it buys for us and what changes it could bring to our lives. See….this mindless fascination has an enchanting grip. Our day begins and end with greenbacks hammering out every other thought from our minds all the time … struggling all day long for more and more of it, even changing ourselves, sometimes for good but often for worse.

What did I do to salvage myself ?

It’s hard to prescribe one bitter pill that will last you a life time !! .. but what the heck!! Let’s give it a try. Perspectives die hard but have tendency to change …and change fast.

Make a smart beginning; just look back at your years of work and see if you could smell some satisfaction and happiness. ‘I think I could have done better’, many of you would argue. Possibly yes .But see, you earn only what you yearn for. Nothing comes cheap. Be contented with what you always thought was enough to be useful and gainful to you .

Find peace with yourself, make truce with your worries, failures and that gut wrenching feeling of utter disgust, and you have already taken the first step towards a great planning.

In the years I grew up and went to school and then to college, nobody bothered to ask what I liked to study or what I could become. Maybe times were like that or maybe I chose what came my way and hastened to get a job that paid. That’s all that mattered then . Rest….the life kept spinning in circles around that.

But then, I never regretted myself. I never toyed with the idea that I shall remain what I did for a profession for the rest of my life. That I will guard all those years of knowledge and experience and keep on shoving to the world till I live,that if it happens and my ideas on money matters are jinxed, I won’t regret it.

I could never get a hang of these trappings of the job I pursued. The world outside appeared a much bigger and important place than the job I held. I could never come to terms with that puffed up importance of what I did, the post and the power that followed. So, I looked around and knew better things were awaiting to happen.

And so should you … shun the pressures of work you do, stop pushing yourself to please your boss, be a passive presence to mindless meetings and refrain from networking with people you do not like.

Believe me you will not fall short of what you get in return… a true freedom of sorts. You can be anything and anybody you ever want. Rejoice the ordinariness of things and you will discover the pursuits that bring joy and happiness free of conscious or pretentious efforts.

Once you step into the world of simplicity ,amazing things will begin to happen to you . Three sets of clothing and perhaps two sets of footwear. No more…and the change has already begun.Those ,who work from home these days shall comprehend better what being simple is all about. To be frugal but not a miser has an overwhelming sense of being free . But then, don’t break your heart either , if it cries out for your favorite pajamas or blue suit. Go for it..Remember you are not settling scores with yourself.

How you dress up does not mean the end of the circle of people around you. Your charisma, power and position carry you better. Simplicity merely soothes the soul and discourages the irrelevant. If you have just begun, may be you should take a break once in a while and let the heart rule a little. You will figure out what it means to let things happen to you without you being in the driver’s seat all the time.

What you must do though are three things in that order.

Three wonderful ways to discover your true self

To begin with, start living simple and simplify everything you own .. from assets to investments to strategies. Make a beginning and you will be amazed how all that you have will last you out… if you draw a little and use a little . It’s all about striking a balance between what you need, if it is necessary and how much you need.

Once you have learned the ease of use, simplicity of need and willingness to draw,you will be astonished to find yourself free of money worries in no time . Of course, this does not mean that you should pussyfoot around selling your house, car ,gadgets and stuff like that, merely because you are trying to live simple. You really need not push yourself to a wall only because you think you need to kick the ball harder to hit the goalpost ASAP.!!

Second, be useful and include the world around you the way you see it. Be purposeful and find ways to engage and contribute. Work wherever and whatever matters. The impact and influence that it will have on other’s lives will bring your abilities and skills to table besides leaving you thrilled with joy.

Last but not the least, find out what you need most. Laughing your heart out, strolling in golden beaches laced with crimson sunsets, soul stirring music and heaps of comfort food, or cars, gadgets , mindless assortment of clothes and jewelry. Choice rests with you and remember lure of consumption is an entrapment of sorts. Search yourself , and you will find that things that really matter do not need much money anyways.

I reckon you could be anything but reckless or lazy if you have searched yourself truly with all honesty and rejigged yourself to be the one you ever wanted to be the in the first place.

Once you learn to learn, engage ,contribute and participate your life will change for good.

So, where does this all lands us? Doesn’t money really matter or does it makes things worse? I wouldn’t argue but if your everyday life is simple and desires are less, how much of it would you need anyway.

If you worry that this will turn you into a someone, who fears that he would be walking around alone, sharing food at rundown restaurants with strangers, hastily gulping down those drinks without tossing since no familiar faces are around and sleeping in night shelters or worse still under the stars, it’s time to reshape your life. reinvent your strategies and revisit your wallet.

Just do it right this one time.

….And remember money is merely a consequence of success and not a means to happiness

#moneymatters

[willpowerbutch]

Willpower Butch Infiltrates the BAFTAs

It was my twenty-seventh scotch, noble reader, of the hour; Tom Rob Smith, world-renowned proponent of gay death, was with me, but not in the way a full-lipped apprentice attends to an aging poet, nor as a former classmate who comes to share a booth with one at a bar after a chance meeting which culminates in a divorce pact – for such follies are the province of the Homosexual, that Cyclops, who became so since his loss of depth perception did not enable him to notice breasts. In the midst of the nigh-on soft chatter of our female militia, my companion could be heard making overtures, squalidly, for me to play “snooker” according to his specious and altogether sun-bathed program:

“Willpower, you must use your pole to hit the balls, or else I will best you, and that is improper for a loathsome pervert to do to a manly man.”

“Spare me your monologues, Elton Yawn!” roared I, for I had made excellent progress at ramming my rod into the table’s holes with sweltering masculine virtue.

We had come, concretely, to destroy our health sufficient to the task of passing among the British unobserved.

Although I, a stalwart and heterosexually-attracted Man, would have taken emotionless, ungay pride in eviscerating Tom Rob Smith at golf, we were interrupted by the blaring sirens which indicated that the BAFTAs were soon to begin. So, we left, along with the women – a wolf and an inconvenient rabbit among their flock of sheep – for the Imperial BAFTA Hall, where the Gay-Transgender makes one of its many covens outside of Tom Cruise. Despite our unstoppable approach, my heart was gripped suddenly with incredible weight-lifting, and TRS himself exclaimed:

“Do you see it, Willpower, at the door? There is a vision of extreme displeasure, and a stench arising from it which would make nancies of a lesser constitution die outright. What can it be? Alas, this is why the Gay is impelled toward a lifestyle of superficially confrontational languor, of blasé splendor, because we are so surrounded by the impertinence of heterosexual childbirth. Do you imagine, Willpower, how it is to be imprisoned in this world, to exist in the presence of Neanderthals who think that drunken subway arguments which end in daredevil stripping have no place in public life, and not to be able to set them on fire as they have done countless times throughout history to my scripts? Woe, for this is the fate of the homosexual to endure such preening boredom. Oh, it is Germaine Greer.”

So it was, as we drew close, that we could make out her contemptible visage, which conceals a mass of disgusting platitudes where other persons might possess a brain. Thinking quickly, I sent the contingent of women over, who becalmed the creature with pretty nonsense about uteruses as I and my companion strode bulgingly past.

(Germaine Greer, right, bravely checks a ‘woman’ for beard hair.)

It was at the threshold of the BAFTA Hall that TRS addressed me, insofar as his perniciously pretty physicality would permit, for what the Gay-Transgender lacks in muscle mass it accounts for in spite. “Willpower,” said he.

The remnant of my beard extended and cut into his throat, which he understood correctly to mean that I was about to kill him. He reconsidered whatever soliloquy he had been formulating along our frightful travail through the throngs of disco-dancing initiate necrophiles and on-fire SLAM poets. Instead, he spoke a modicum of sense: “Master Butch, whatever feelings of soulful longing for male love we may have assimilated ‘til now, we must put them further out of mind than Bryan Singer’s career. It is time for us to assert dominance, or we shall be in pulsating danger.”

Manly reader, I was not greatly concerned. “You are aware,” I growled, “that everyone under the age of twenty-five is a woman? and that the Gay has tried many times – deliciously, immensely many times – to convert me and has not more than thrice succeeded? I shall need only to eviscerate those virgins by the power of forthright apoplectic flexing, which is my attribute as a noble Excellent.” 

But TRS shook his head dolefully, like all of mankind who have had the misfortune of reading his books. “That won’t work. What we need, monsieur, is for you to think like a Gay.”

“Like a Gay...”

I pondered this, although I was aware of the degradation to my unmountable masculinity in so doing. Because the Gay is inscrutable to the manly man beyond his suspiciously smooth-faced desires, because the Gay’s entire psyche is ruled by those desires, am I to believe that the key to thinking like a homosexiphone is to slander women until the straight man becomes confused?

I strode in willfully, gloriously, the light glinting off my pectorals sending those hideously Eurythmicsed gargoyles into a fearful advance. It was a vision of such heroism as in Hellenistic days could not be depicted, for the limp hand of the poet shall not wield anything as thickly engorged. Facing down their trimmed stampede, I released unto them:

“Gay homophiles! I am indeed one of your horde, as you can plainly tell by my wet cough. Shall we discourse together on the evils of Woman, who are essentially redundant since the invention of canned corn? Shall we convince the Genuine Man to leave her and her ways, her wiles, her rejection of fully equipped samurai decapitations at family restaurants? Let us stand together, heathens, for I can see an acknowledgement of the truth in my words by the erect posture of your varnished pincers.”

All seemed lost – the Gay Vampires had descended upon me, their decrepit digits wrapped in guilt and recently-unstuck Titanic posters, gyrating in a vicious parody of Reddie Sexchaynge during his electro-shock faith healing in The Danish Girl. They had brandished on me their fearsome skincare, which is known to turn straights into the sort of recently single young men who move to the city to purposely trip on sidewalks in front of low-key leather cafes. But it was then that a miracle took place, that the insatiable fabulant Tom Rob Smith came to the rescue of myself, an indestructible master of unweak gigantism.

Slamming open the door, he addressed the crowd. “I’ve seen all of your films. They’re obvious.”

A gasp echoed through the hall as TRS strutted down the aisle, glowering tearfully, manifesting low-budget ‘90s sex comedies in his wake; and I, in pursuit, took great care to strafe past the apollodisiac influence of his posterior -- for the Gay, natural prey of the manly man, has evolved to paralyze him with insipid perception. We arrived in the front lines, with eminent hormonal abundance, where our way was made by those most cocktail-lit transcendentalists.

It was then we were alerted to the presence of Germaine Greer, who had crept into the hall by reason of the existence of her reproductive capacity. She was joined by the well-educated and generally expert feminist scholar Graham Linehan; that personage was invited to the stage to speak, where he was met with much appreciative braying and the open display of genitalia such as might surprise even Ewan McGregor.  

“Evil perverts,” he yelped, gripping the edge of the podium like the neck of a sub. “I have come to educate you. Listen and assimilate the words of your infinite better. This world is divided at its hilt: in one sphere, our sphere, live the real, who accept the existential primacy of boob size. In the other are the transgendereds. Too easily have you upright homos accepted those vermin in your ranks, for now they have tasted the come of anime weirdos and will no longer settle for overdosing on fake heroin in corporate meeting rooms where they have been hired by the capitalists to populate sex parties. Oh, they will destroy reality given the remotest chance: they will take to it with scotch tape and whore makeup like they did to Tom Holland. Thank God that I, a straight man, have emerged from the depths of intolerable self-fellation to inform you benders which of you is queer, you know, in the normal way.” He concluded this declamation with great flourish: a round of tequilas, called “T shots,” was provisioned to each of us, as club drugs rained from the ceiling and a gaggle of clownfish was brought in to be ritualistically basketballed. Then, giving us a caustic grimace, Graham Linehan disappeared, taking my macho sanity and will to live with him.

The night was only beginning, and directly I understood how the Gay-Transgender could be quite so miserable as they are, that they must prowl the alleyways between disparaged Tex-Mex restaurants in search of lascivious marriage – in order to forget, if only for several months, the vivid lunacy of having to murder everyone who discovers your incest fetish. And I was struck with a sudden melancholy, for the idea of the Gay without its Transgender is an upsetting one: it is far less dignified, erudite, and rose-fleshedly proper, lordly reader, to think only of whom the Gay has sex with and not additionally how.

Nevertheless, it is clear why Hollywood must disapprove of these most vacant transgendereds, for if too many of us should fall into their strange genitalia, how shall show business reliably obtain more children to rape?

Abruptly from out of an enormous, glittering, piano-shaped coffin rose the master of ceremonies, the remaining life-force of Rupert Everett, who disco-danced toward the podium nervously and began his address:

“‘All you need to make a movie is a twink and some glycerin.’ Jean-Luc Godard said this in the seconds before he memorably punched William Wyler face-first through the muffler of his Trabi, and it is perhaps truer today than it was even in his prime as a total Otter. Year by year, as gay culture continues to defile the world with men who look like they might be wearing lipstick but are too flushed to tell, we gather here to celebrate the crimes our community has gotten away with because of the liberal globalist agenda, and in particular, those fantasy characters that actually pull them off. And so, the nominees for people who are probably haunted by their teenage years are as follows: Jake Gyllenhaal, in the role of Borscht, a gay who decides to become bisexual, bringing destruction down upon humanity. Ben Whishaw, our High Shaman of Shame, in Posh Homosexual Encounters of the First Time. Chris Pang, who didn’t do anything gay this year but is unfairly hot. And Tilda Swinton, who is genuinely an alien out to replace every person in the world, this being the sort of tenacity to upset the straights that our Academy recognizes. But as you well know, there can be only one foot-gripping Fonzie, so it is with Biblical villainy that I announce the winner of this year’s Silicone Satan: Ben ‘so bottomy it’s almost straight’ Whishaw!”

The crowd broke into revels immediately, a boundless catastrophe which brought the town of London to its knees in a literal sense, for those Englishmen who are not fashionably bicurious are so accustomed to marmite and scotch eggs that they hardly care what goes in their mouths. And amid the dilating chaos, I took Tom Rob Smith by the arm, but it was, most audaciously musclebound king, a gesture neither tender nor rough, which could not in the remotest circumstance be open to lewd interpretations, as there was no occasion for my thighs to greet his glistening back, grazing “accidentally” for one heart-stalling moment when I could not meet his eyes, as any man who has been to Cracker Barrel on a Monday afternoon will well remember; and, I did not, say, growl seductively that my breath wasn’t the only warm thing I could put in the orifice of his ear, nor did I drag my thumb along the line of his bicep while pristine depression tears glimmered on my cheeks outside a gas station where a group of teenagers was either dangerously wasted or speaking Dutch. Thus, did we wend through the pendulating masses in pursuit of that dimensionless maudlin fairy Timpani Gayparade and the sometime-man who had also been my much be-tolerated roommate, Paragon Shag.

(Timpani Gayparade, right, shared many hours of blazing homosex on the set of Ball Me By Your Chains with his former master and effigy pervert, Smarmy Whammer, most of which made the cutting room floor.)

Turning a corner into the corridor of Z-list drag queens who had become ordained online, we encountered Gayparade in the act of performing a sorcerer’s spell which would grant him bodily existence. Timpani addressed us, having to peer up despite the heel of his combat boots, for the heterosexual is size-advantaged by his immunity to pet-play – a fact that is widely acknowledged even among Gay propagandists: “Trot on over here, lover, and face my hot brothers, some of whom would die to protect me, and the rest of whom will die because they have just witnessed Benedict Cumberbatch try to get the British press to stop calling him a gay bitch by licking out a pork pie.”

And sure enough, with a wail that was more in-tune than Marc Almond could ever be, some fifty of them passed into the oblivion of trying not to become second-hand racist from conservative editorialism. There did endure, however, a small contingent, who approached me with the determination of a newly hatched Transgender learning J-pop lyrics.

“Are we on Russian dash cam?” groaned the first passionately. “Because I’m about to slam you in the rear.”

But he could not anticipate that I had concealed pepper spray and an axe in my jacket, which are a great inconvenience to the Gay. So, it came to pass that those notorious hot brothers were immobilized – by their evil lust for my manhood or by the evacuation of their limbs, I could not be sure. While I dealt with them, Trimathee Chaletgay slipped through my fingers, into the bowels of unfortunate shaving. But it was not for him that I had come.

My goal was there, at the end of the hall, his skin bleached out by the industrial lighting and his degenerate lifestyle. And yet, after so many decades of acquaintance, those brave calves and that carefully swooped shoulder mane were unmistakable to me.

“Shag,” said I. “Are you still...?”

There was a pause as he turned toward me icily. “I – I didn’t change my name, so...”

We loafed about and said nothing, but I did kick three separate iterations of Spiderman down the stairs.

“You, ah,” it was most gay, but I could not come up with something dexterous to say nor a timely masculine reflex. Then I remembered the words of Tom Rob Smith much earlier in the evening. “Hey, girl. You look like they let Randy Quaid back in the movies, but with less visible pubic hair.”

Shag had begun to turn from me – I knew because I was tragically subjected to the witchcraft of gay sexy-walking, whereas the straight man cannot be accused of having hips, for he moves by the sheer gravitational force of his erectile prominence. And, my most red-bedecked haruspex of whatever the fuck Jonathan Ross is ever saying, I could not allow such a flagrant display of dandyism to go unimpeded, for that is how one remains a Top; so, did I call to him once more:

“Shag! Hear me and be somber! I speak, and a profound gloom becomes me, for I would rather not open my mouth around these pedophiles. But, I shall say it regardless: I need you, Paragon Shag, for everything you are – to help me destroy James Franc’n’o and his compound of chad gay clones, to graffiti organic supermarkets with ironic caricatures of Chairman Mao which will put at-risk youths off vegetarianism, to pull the plugs of the unabashed and despotic fairies who have made this world into a sheer-underpantsed nightmare of ex-Soviet post-punk, to be my one true ally against the rising tide of gay joy and the tribulations of this erotic disaster we call life.”

I felt the world end, bicepted Lord – for a long moment, when I could discern nothing on his heavily painted face, my heart stilled, which is not dangerous to the Man because his blood courses by its own perfect will – and when his lips twitched into a smile, Comrade of my Coronary Supersession, I felt it reborn.

Racing toward the exit, our pansificious colleagues and female battalion in tow, I began to imagine that after the stretched darkness had come a thrusting dawn. And then an unbearable shriek fell upon our ears. After we had determined that it was not Ed Sheeran, who is easy to kill, Shag and I turned to each other, establishing wordlessly that me must investigate.

We could see wave upon wave of reclaimed fake fur-draped gay cannibals, Z-snapping anxiously. They had gathered ‘round a TV screen -- but from such a distance as I could not make the picture out, nevertheless, I knew at once what had come to pass -- for the manly man, being preferential in evolution’s progress, is vested the power of second-sight so long as it pertains in some way to explosions. So it was that I realized the day of our reckoning had arrived in the image of a smoldering crater: God had crashed back to earth.

About the Authors

The wayward and athletic Admiral Willpower Butch this week celebrated his fifth decade of victory over superior-acting children, among whom he is universally known as the Hospital Man. He is an unparalleled hero, superlative in his muscular immensity, heterosexual prowess, and aptitude for breaking underdeveloped bones. His correspondent, Paragon Shag, his soul reclaimed from the clutches of pastoralism, would have certainly become such a commandant of auspicious slapping had he only been spared from the gay influence of mathematical implements in his school years. Their secretary and loosely-historically-based magic syphilitic gambler, Dead Summer Days, never thought the apocalypse would look so much like a Robert Rodriguez film.

[heaven-delight]

[ETC] 170716 FANBOARD EVENT - Yeri

Hi~ Nice to meet you~ Luvies1~ Uncle2 Rim3 has appeared

I’m gonna start now~ Come on!

Yerim~ Here are sincere book recommendations for you~ Uh~

When you recommended “Was? Wäre? Wenn?” on Instagram, I finished reading the whole book the next day! I think it’s been two years since I’ve read a book... Consider these recommendations from me as a thank you gift~ I don’t know if you’ve read mystery novels, but if you finish reading “The Devotion of Suspect X,” you’ll feel like it’s a great name for this novel! It’s a really fun book. “Ties of Shooting Stars” this is made up of two books, and although it’s kinda loose, it has a plot twist!! Recommend lots of books for us~ I’ll read a lot of books and recommend books to you~~

→ Yeri: Oh that’s super great hehehe I’ll read them! You’re the best, luvie!

Kim Yerim where are you kekekekeke

Hurry up hehe

→ Yeri: I’m over here

Yerim, your dark circles...

You have dark circles under your eyes...

I could see them in the V-Apps, the music shows and even on the “Knowing Bros” episode yesterday..

I know it must be tough for you, preparing for your comeback and going through all those schedules TT

Since it’s the summer, remember to get good food, good sleep and good rest!

Yeri! Red Velvet! Good luck to everyone!!

→ Yeri: I’ll cover the dark circles...

Ms. Yerim! Ms. Yerim! Ms. Yerim! If you had a week for yourself right now, what is the first thing you want to do?

→ Yeri: I’m gonna travel

Ms. Yerim~~~ What do you order at a bingsu4 place? Coffee bingsu vs Fruit bingsu vs Cheese bingsu vs Green tea bingsu?? What do you eat?? ^^

→ Yeri: I like milk bingsu without red bean paste

Yerim, do you have anything you want to eat these days??

What is it?? Tteokbokki??5

→ Yeri: Right now.... I want to eat sweet potato pizza.. With lots of cheese....?

Do you have any movies that you had fun watching recently?

I’m outside right now, and I’m thinking about watching a movie!!

→ Yeri: The most recent movie I watched was “Anarchist from Colony!”

Yerim, I had fun watching “Knowing Bros”

It was fun TT

→ Yeri: Did you have fun...? kekekekeke I haven’t watched it yet... I’m worried kekekeke

Ms. Yerim when you’re feeling down, how do you cheer yourself up?

→ Yeri: Hmmm... I buy an excessive amount of books and read a lot of them. Cheer up!

Yerim could you recommend some of the songs you’re listening to these days

What could there,,be?

→ Yeri: I’m listening to the OSTs of “Fight My Way” a lot these days, but out of those, I’m listening to Kassy’s “Good Morning” a lot. Eventhough the drama is over, I’m still hooked on to the songs

Yerim! Compliments for the pigtails you wore during the “Knowing Bros” skits!!

It’s cute.. TT

→ Yeri: Pigtails? kekkeke Thank youu

Yerim!! What’s your favorite song out of “The Red Summer??”

I like “Mojito!!”

→ Yeri: For me, it’s “Zoo!”

I read the books that you read, Yerm6, “Malice” and “The Good Son!!”

Personally, I thought Keigo Higashino’s “Malice” was super fun...

→ Yeri: hehehe I really like Keigo Higashino’s books too. They’re good.

I shall ask this politely...

I am curious about what Yerm’s favorite colors are 

→ Yeri: Black, white, pink. I shall answer politely too kekeke

Did you have lunch? What did you eat?!

Did you have lots of yummy food TTTTTT *sniffles*

→ Yeri: I ate two ice creams so far kekeke Instead of eating food I’m just eating snacks

Yeri why do you want to travel to the UK so much?

I saw you say it on “Knowing Bros,” so I’m curious

→ Yeri: Because I’m a huge fan of Harry Potter! 

Did you succeed in getting tickets for the Ariana Grande concert??

??

→ Yeri: Didn’t the ticketing period end.. TT

Yerim, what do you order when you go to a cafe?

→ Yeri: I... right now, I usually order vanilla smoothies, but I drink americanos too and like milk tea too

Yerim!! What book are you reading these days??

Recommend books for me ♥ ♥

→ Yeri: I’m reading “The Moment!” I’ve never spent so much time reading a book before/

Ms. Yerim~~~ Did you have any nicknames when you were young? What’s your favorite nickname??

→ Yeri: I think I’d been called as “Yerm” the most hehehe

Yerim did you buy lots of snacks??

You said that you were going to bring Japanese snacks home..

→ Yeri: Er.. What was the name of it.. I absolutely love eating the Alfort chocolates, shiori koibito and coconut ice cream TTT My favorite snacks

Young and rich and pretty Yerm~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yerm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is my luv

→ Yeri: What’s this kekekekek You’re young and rich, pretty too!

The oldest members did a cover stage of Greedy, right? What song do you want to do a cover stage of, Yerim?

Every song? Or Greedy Younger Member ver.? kekeke Personally, I want to hear you sing “The Way” ~.~

→  Yeri: Oh recommend more songs to me! Give me idea

Did you read "Miracles of the Namiya General Store?

That's really fun too TT

→ Yeri: Of course!

Because you have such a nice vocal color, I think it'll be nice for you to sing songs like ballads too!

It was so nice to hear you sing short clips of those on radio shows or on Yoo Hee-Yeol's Sketchbook TT It'll be great if you would sing those during the concert too!

→ Yeri: ♥

Do you know the song "Tattooed Heart?" I want to hear you sing it in your voice

 I love that song so much TT TT TT TT

→ Yeri: I like that song too hehe If you see the performance clips of that song, you'll fall in love with it even more!

Tell us one line of your song "Luvie!!"

Please leak just one line of the song TT TT TT TT

→ Yeri: I know that in the end, I’m me Thank you for being bold and brave You know too, right that there’s a lot I ran away because I was scared; I kept myself busy while hiding this It’s OK to be like that.

Yeri, one of your related search words are ‘nationality.’

As expected from UK Rim...

→ Yeri: OMG Really...? kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Yeri, are you really doing Happily Ever After in Red Room?

I’m curious!7

→ Yeri: I’m curious!

Yeri, why do you read so many books?

Do you read books because of a specific reason? I like seeing you read during your busy schedules, but also, I’m curious

→ Yeri: Hmm... It takes me to another world of my own

Rim, what are you going to name your song if you make one??

I’ll be looking forward to it!

→ Yeri: I already wrote lyrics about how I feel at the end of my teen yeras kkk For now it’s named “The Edge” kkkk

Rim, do you have any books that you want to recommend to luvies?

I’m curious!

→ Yeri: Out of the books I read, “The Pursuit of Happiness!”

What if you finish reading “The Moment???”

What are you going to read!!!???

→ Yeri: Maybe out of the books in my room, “Jacob’s Room?”

I’ll recommend songs to the recommendation fairy Yerim!! I think you might like these(?)

O3ohn - Down Bye Bye Badman - Your Wave I’ll recommend two songs!!! Give them a listen if you have time ~.~ They lyrics are so good ㅠㅅㅠ

→ Yeri: How do you know those songs! I listened to them a lot for a while

Yeri, I heard that last time, you put extensions on.. Are they uncomfortable??

..?

→ Yeri: They are

Yerm did you eat good stuff at Osaka?

What did ya eat?!?!

→ Yeri: Oyakodon, Mon chou chou, beef curry

Do you like Baek Yeri’s “As If You Don’t Know Me?.?”

I think your voice will go well along with that one. Sing it next time for us...!

→ Yeri: Of course! I’m Yerin’s fangirl!

Yeri, are you feeling alright? You said that you had an IV in the last V-App ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Rest well at Japan and eat a lot ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠStay healthy I always feel loved by you I love you ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

→ Yeri: I’m alright now hehehe The garlic IV is the best! Don’t worry about me and take care of yourself

Thanks to you I’m listening to a lot of Sesame and Cotton Candy!

I like “song B” and “Is It Over Here” the most hehehe I’ll recommend a band that I’m listening a lot to these days, Life and Time~

→ Yeri: Oh Thanks for the recommendation kekeke I’ll give them a listen

They say that a cute kid is here

Is it true hehe

→ Yeri: hehehe I’m here

I hope you can grow bigger musically Yerim!

With each new album, your voice is getting better and more emotional!! You did as well as everybody expected in the “Red Summer” album!!! I love your emotions!! As a fan I’ll listen and watch a lot and root for you!!

→ Yeri: I’ll always root for you too, you awesome people

Yerim, do you like Cheeze’s songs too? There are lots of good songs like “Madeleine Love,” and “How Do You Think!!”

  → Yeri: Of course

Hi~ Nice to meet you~ Luvies~ Uncle Rim has appeared 

I’m gonna go bye

This is fun

I’m back kkkk

Yeri, which character in Harry Potter do you like the most?

My favorite is Hermione Granger!! How about you?~~

→ Yeri: Since I’m blonde these days Malfoy

S...Sorry... I have to go..kkkk

I’ll be back later kkkk

1 This is the name for Red Velvet’s official fanclub. 2 In Korean, this refers to 아재. It’s a shortened form of the word 아저씨 (ajusshi), which is used to call middle-aged men in Korean. Recently, it’s meaning has changed to refer to someone who has ‘old’ taste, someone who makes old, corny jokes, and someone who’s late to the newest trends. 3 Kim Yerim (Yeri’s real name) → Rim 4  It’s a Korean dessert made up of various toppings on shaved ice with red bean paste. 5 This is a popular and famous Korean dish that is made up of rice cakes stir-fried in pepper paste, along with other ingredients such as boiled eggs and fish cakes 6 Kim Yerim (Yeri’s real name) → Yerm 7 This is a line from Happily Ever After

[jimgim-blog]

Striving

As always, I begin with an apology. It doesn’t matter who or when. “Sorry, but--” is how I always begin any dialogue, whether it’s with my best friends who I haven’t called in over 2 months or with me, because everybody has to figure out which version of himself he wants to side with.

First, prose. Paul Kalanithi in “When Breath Becomes Air” sparked again, my love for literature. Perhaps unfounded, based on the fact that I’ve tried to read “Crime and Punishment” over five times, but still, a love that remains. His prose can only be described as leaping off the pages. It’s music. Especially towards the later chapters, when the “urgency of racing against time” is evident. He really poured his life out in the face of certain death. Although the vocabulary, syntax, structure and fluidity of his sentences elude my Reddit-level capacity to really appreciate them, I can tell its potential, similar to a tone-deaf drunkard happily sounding out half-flat drum beats because he can attest to the feeling the music produces.

There’s a list of quotes that I bookmarked but two that carry importance.

You can’t ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving - pg. 115

Lucy and I both felt that life wasn’t about avoiding suffering...Darwin and Nietzsche agreed on one thing: the defining characteristic of the organism is striving - pg. 143

During COVID-19, one prominent lesson I’ve learned is that life hangs in a precarious balance between suffering and pleasure and that our job is to find out where that tipping point is for us. If you’re good at reading people, you can see where their limit is and can carefully guide them there (that’s what a good manager does). It came at a point when I was watching an episode of The Top Gear with a glass of beer. I thought it well-deserved since I had just finished a coding project that took way too long of a time. But by the time I had finished it, it was 2 AM. And I just felt this tremendous wave of sadness. It’s as if I had crossed the point a tad too much and the yin-and-yang of my personal universe was whipping me back into shape.

But, I argued back. Didn’t I deserve it? Isn’t the whole point of crunching numbers to relax afterwards? I mean, who actually likes writing out reports to projects that have no real value? (The premise that engineering at the Master-level study program has no real value, I probably should confront at some point, preferably before I delve into a career). Isn’t life all about the reward?

Besides the rush of dopamine which evolution has carefully produced to enable the continuation of the human species, I’m starting to realize the answer to the question lies in my upbringing. The Christian life to any person with a basic knowledge of the Bible is a life of delayed gratification. Confess now and you can go to heaven. Resist the temptation and you shall receive reward in heaven. Well, that’s incorrect. The Bible reveals the Christian life as one lived with Christ, in Christ and out of Christ. It’s a life of loving Christ, having Christ love you more than you can possibly imagine, and simply telling that to anybody else you know. But, to realize that--and even the more, live that out--requires maturity. 

It helps that I went to a Bible seminary, but there are stages to a Christian life. In the initial stages, you find out what it means to deal with outward things like sins, the world, unrighteousness--things that most people can easily identify as those evil in the eyes of a Christian. But, at some point, you read Romans carefully and discover that God never expected you to perfect your resolve to never sin again. In fact, that was never His intention at all. His intention is that you would get to know Him more. To love Him more. To care about Him. The end game is when you realize that there’s really nothing more that pleases Him than Him giving Himself to you, and you allowing that.

There’s many obstacles like, your thoughts about what God is doing, who God is, or why God made things the way they are, but the point of the Christian life is to let those things go so that you would know Him.

That’s why the Bible doesn’t have any explicit answers to the problems of world poverty, hunger, unfair suffering and general illogical and incomprehensible ways that each individual life turns out; that’s not His focus. Neither does He actually owe it to you to solve all those things.

And here comes the point. Suffering is a part of human life because Adam fell. Christians suffer (arguably more than the unbeliever because of the fact that now he’s aware of not just one person, but several persons who lives within him--Satan, God and himself) and it’s just a part of life. Whoever came up with the idea that the good Christian goes to heaven has probably given Christianity a lot of thought. Philosophically, it's a satisfactory explanation for the impossible lives certain Christian biographies attest to. Politically, it’s a great tool for crowd control (Caesar Augustus). But it fails to hide the meaninglessness of it all that cloaks its happy ending. And look at the consequences! It’s become categorically almost taboo for a Catholic priest to be convicted of child molestation or some other gross sin for which he would be by the Catholic addendum to the Bible, responsible for help purging at the confession altar. The walls of Sardis and Thyatira echo with words of twisted teachings. How frustrated God must be that we’re just not getting it!

I think I’ve arrived at the cusp of understanding it. Not the point of it all, but why it’s meaningful to live in the faith. And what part suffering has in all of it. Because it’s not dissimilar to what I consider a life worth living outside of the bounds of Christian law. It’s exactly what Dr. Kalanithi wrote. Striving. That’s the whole point. Or, in layman terms, the pursuit of happiness.

When I watched Will Smith explain it to his kid (oh please, that scene was basically made for him and his actual kid) that nobody should strip his dreams away, I could resonate as an immigrant because that’s what my parents embodied in their ever-sacrificing life for me. They never said it, but I could tell. And striving was simply a part of it. They never questioned why they should strive because it was ingrained into their bones as they did everything they could to survive in the teenage stages of the miracle on the Han. But me, I have the pleasure of enjoying the fruits of their labor, never having to worry about having enough to eat. Instead, I have to re-discover why I should strive at all to find a meaning in life that they never had to question (presumably. I never asked them). But, it’s finally start to click: the pursuit is the happiness.

Like donkeys, we need the carrot at the end of the stick. I generally agree with the capitalist notion that humans need incentive to progress (or to work, for that matter). North Korean defectors have the hardest time integrating into South Korea because working is purely a status from 9 to 5, not a gateway into a better life. And look where North Korea is today; isolated, whining and throwing a tantrum every couple of months so people would notice them. So, we desperately need the idea of perfection. We admire those who have seemingly achieved it. We cling to the ideals and lift them up because it incentivizes us. “A perfect life exists and I’m going to get after it.” And, that’s really what the economy thrives on. Without grandeur ideals of a large house by the lakeside with a collection of supercars in the garage, Wall Street would collapse. Sure, some are more driven by the fact that their childhood was deprived of any sense of normalcy. I can’t say anything to that. But, the point is that normalcy is the ideal of “perfection”.

But if you see any interview of the person who’s “done it all”--I recommend for all the Asians, Johnny Kim (it hurts because my name is so similar)-- you never get the sense that they are exuberant beyond measure. Least of all, there is rarely a sense of absolute pride that they’re done it the way they wanted to and that was the end of it. The common thread is sacrifice and a bit of luck. The more they gave for their goals, the less they had time to think about if they’re happy at the moment. It’s in that precise moment of the present, when no thought of anxiety over the status of their happy-barometer is looming, that they’re actually, happy.

Perfection doesn’t exist. But if you don’t strive for it, there’s hardly any meaning at all. A perfect Christian life isn’t a life without suffering. It’s a life with, in and through Christ. But it’s unattainable, impossible. And maybe that’s the whole point. 

p.s. There’s another dimension to the concept of “striving” in the Bible. It’s usually in a negative light because the entire medium through which we can live the normal Christian life is through faith and striving, on the contrary, implies work of our own merit. Here, striving is meant in a positive way, in the sense of pressing forward, of devoting serious energy into a matter that is near to the heart. Instead of a perfectionist foolishly striving for a goal that to him is naively reachable, I think of Luganksy playing Rachmaninoff Concert No. 2 in a recording that undoubtedly is one of the greatest performances of his life but riddled with miss-hits and asynchronous crescendo into the cadenza. It captures the beauty of irony; that only imperfection can bring solace to the troubled soul, keeping it afloat amidst the chaos of life. There is no perfect anything, but striving for it, whatever it may be or to whom the conceived idea belongs, is undoubtedly the greatest blessing to life.

[nothingneverforever]

Never Have I Ever (2020)

Hey, I think this is my first TV series ‘review’ ever! Well I did do a basically empty post on Unforgotten (season 1) back in Feb 2017, promising to write properly my full feelings down, but that was something I never got back to. It’s still one of the best TV shows ever in the whole world, so hopefully I have time for it some day.

Anyway, meanwhile Never Have I Ever (NHIE), is… absolutely not good. At all….

I’d decided to watch it after seeing Mindy Kaling’s Late Night (2019), which was surprisingly enjoyable and moving even, and not just because Emma Thomson is one of my favourite celebrities in this world. It was a fun movie, and it felt different (from other similar films) ! I say it was surprising because I guess due to misogyny or something, I never thought I had reason to take Mindy Kaling seriously. And I am so sorry for it! There were parts of the script (Late Night) that worked out so, so well.

Back to NHIE! First, here are some synopses I’ve found online of the series:

-        The complicated life of a modern-day first generation Indian American teenage girl, inspired by Mindy Kaling's own childhood.

-        After a traumatic year, an Indian-American teen just wants to spruce up her social status - but friends, family and feelings won't make it easy on her

-        Episode 1: After recent trauma, Devi starts her first day as a high school sophomore determined to shake off old labels and finally become cool.

So I guess my first complaint about NHIE is a bone I could pick with just about any American production from the last, idk, 8 years. You know how when (for whatever reason) every single character is ‘awkward’ or ‘weird’ or sooo idiosyncratic in general, they just end up all being… almost exactly the same? Where all the over-used tropes, every character’s too-loud too-colourful unique defining traits just end up reading the same way, to me at least.  

Need all characters be so strong, really? Strong as in, overly sapid, full-bodied, clearly defined, distinct in a way that actually isn’t unique at all… I mean I’m not asking for more Jack Maliks (from Yesterday, as reviewed here by me) cos fuk dat guy omfg hate him and his dull ass lol but … do you know what I mean? When every character has traits that are so instantly recognizable, so clear to the plain eye without need for any nuanced observation or interpretation that you can almost like .. see the literal line of text in Courier font for the character description in the screenplay flashing before your eyes? Like of course as viewers we do want to feel like we have some grasp of the characters we’re investing in and relating to but I think if traits and personalities and mannerisms are so simplistic (even if they are diverse) that the characters themselves can ve perfectly summed up in a nutshell then that’s not a good thing at all.. I don’t know, it just seems a very American thing that I’m tired of, where there’s just a complete dearth of authenticity and complexity. Because no one in real life is ever sooooo distinctly themselves 100% of the time you know? Sure, I haven’t seen something specifically catered for teens in a while so maybe it’s just genre-specific thing but I do think there was so much more room for more realistic characters here.

Okay but still, 90% of all comments I have trawled through (facebook, Instagram, youtube) seem to be from American teens, talking about how relatable the show is so I guess high school teachers really be out there acting like caricatures of their TV trope selves and friends are all awkward af among each other and quirky at home and quirky on the streets walking home and quirky in the corridors of their school and exaggerate every reaction in every ordinary situation. But here’s the thing, I don’t think people are actually this way. I think many of them pretend that they are, act like they are. I think here lies the danger: where the more media we have portraying this kind of intensely saturated characters and personalities, the more young people will think that to be ‘themselves’, they have to raise the decibels of each and every trait of their own… I dunno if you understand me?  I think it’s an insidious feedback cycle not dissimilar to the manic pixie dreamgirl effect, not in how women’s quirkiness serves to bring out dormant sides of men but just in how people (especially girls because due to society-enforced insecurities are more susceptible to taking influence from popular role models) have to BE SO *INSERT ANY ADJECTIVE HERE* … I don’t know… it’s just inauthentic and tiring. So NHIE is okay, as long as it is makes clear that it’s caricaturizing different examples of how some people may act in different circumstances… but it doesn’t do this. Aiyah I know I’m making a huge deal out of what some people will obviously just take as entertainment and gags for laughs etc but… it’s annoying to me…

Okay

Next

So I’m not sure if you got this from the synopses I’d copied above, so, again: NHIE revolves around a nice girl, Devi (15), who lost her father (heart attack, in the middle of the school hall where he was watching Devi perform at her school orchestra concert) last year and is now starting a new year of school, coping with the incident by stifling every single traumatic memory. Also there are some random throwaways here and there about her having literally become physically disabled for 3 months after her father’s death where Devi lost the ability to use her legs (psychosomatic reaction to her loss) but it’s only ever joked at in insignificant ways so I guess… we shall never know that side of her grief? But all this (grieving over dead father, impersonal relationship with stern mother etc) is mere backdrop, joining other backdrop themes like being a shitty friend from start to end in unbelievably shitty ways etc – the main ‘plot’ instead is made up of Devi’s desperate quest to have sex with Paxton, a 16 year-old ‘hottie’ from school who she likes, erm, because, hot.

Yea that’s it…… that’s the critique. She’s a 15 year old girl whose everyday actions (for the most part) are calculated to lead up to her deflowering by her crush. Not to be a prude but… is this an okay storyline? Like are 15 year-olds legally allowed to have sex? Lol… Am I under any misconception about what teens all over the world get up to? No. Do I think that the law plays any useful role in preventing young girls and boys from sexualizing themselves and wasting their time on sexual pursuits when they can and should be developing literally any other interest and skill? No. Am I still unhappy that this was the main motivating factor for Devi to get up and out of her home each day, unhappy that for this reason (her goal of sleeping with Paxton), unhappy that because of this she morphed into the worst, most unreliable and unrelatable friend ever to her besties who needed her badly??? Yes!

Look, I’ve covered relevant topics in my 4 years of social work education to understand Devi’s actions as unhealthy, maladaptive coping behaviours – we see Devi exhibit behaviours / thoughts etc evocative of basically all 4 stages of the Kubler-Ross grief cycle, besides the final stage of acceptance: denial, anger, bargaining, depression. If we look at Virginia Satir’s coping stances instead, (different types of behaviours people exhibit when under stress), Devi again displays all 4 stances: super reasonable (i.e. over-rationalizing something so as to avoid confronting/acknowledging the emotional truth), irrelevant (distracting, changing the topic, inappropriate jokes), placating (self-explanatory)  and blaming (again, obvious). So basically, Devi does, says and feels anything and everything besides maturely coping with the loss of her father. Is this realistic? Yes! Does everyone work within their own timelines before finally coming to that final Kubler-Ross stage of acceptance? Absolutely! And I am not at all rushing Devi to act ‘normal’ or to display healthier coping mechanisms. I just wish the grief was handled so so so much better by Mindy Kaling and whoever else was involved in developing this story - this story that is honestly full of promise. In other words, how Devi fails to handle her grief could have been written so much better, so much deeper instead of her failings itself being the central form of entertainment for much of the 10 episodes.

Anyway, also, besides it being morally not okay for a 15 year-old’s thirst for sex to be an accepted plot point (accepted on- and off-screen I mean), the actors playing Devi and Paxton are 10 years apart in age. Devi (reminder: age 15 on-screen) is played by a lovely actress who is currently 18, and Paxton is played by someone who is currently 29. So like….. she would likely have been 17 at the time of shooting? That’s just not okay and I don’t think I need say more lol. Shit like this, miscasting your key heartthrob, is just so… cheapo and so late 90s/early 2000s you know where the actors are so so clearly adults playing high schoolers, it’s just… cheapo af and absolutely inexcusable now.

Okay, everything up to this point in my ‘review’ has just been small here-and-there thoughts I had while watching it, and I’ve dedicated fluffy paragraph after paragraph on them so as to delay speaking about my main issue with the series: how the central trauma is dealt with... insomuch as it isn’t, at all.

And I’m not just saying this as someone who’s fresh off having just re-watched A Single Man, because they are obviously intended as very different works and intentionally made of (made with?) very different calibers but there are, surely, much much better ways to handle grief than what we are given with NHIE where Devi tries her darnest to have sex with her dreamboat bae. Okay so early in the series (second episode), Devi actually does get with Paxton in his garage after propositioning him (by ambushing him outside school after he finished swim practice or something), but when he takes off her shirt she’s like ok nvm I cant have sex now bye. So yea, it doesn’t happen. But it continues to be her main source of distraction from her grief, so it does remain a central plot point. Anyway the therapist character in NHIE is a joke, full of age-old TV-therapist lines like “So how do you feel about that?” etc, other platitudes and hollow-isms. She does try to tell Devi that it is not in her interest to be putting her sense of self worth on being “bangable” (I do believe this was the exact word used, cant be bothered to find the exact minute in the speicifc episode but yea trust that Devi and her therapist are candid with speaking about her plans for deflowering and Devi is never willing to talk about anything else but), but … I don’t know, Devi’s schtick gets tiresome, not because I’m neuronormative and want to see more normal behavior from the dear girl or because I’m annoyed with how badly she’s handling her grief, but more because of how badly they (writers, producers whoever etc) are handling it.

Like, up till the very end, we see her irrelevant stances or proof of her denial as fodder for lame jokes and utterly cliché dialogue, in what should be a genuine and ‘real’ scene. It’s annoying!! See below for screencaps from slightly over halfway through the FINAL episode of the series - in other words, way, way too late for a joke to be made out of how Devi resorts to the same poor coping mechanisms in distracting from her grief. I’ve screenshotted only parts of the convo, leaving out the parts where this serious convo turns into a joke about Eleanor, that itself pretends to be deep and serious but it isn’t at all...?

Devi’s friends confront her about the most serious thing in the entire series (her needing to go down to her beach to meet her mom to scatter her dad’s ashes, something she hitherto has rejected as she is unable to face this final step in accepting his death but masks with more irrelevant excuses), and she’s still coping poorly by ‘deflecting’, as her friend rightly says. I don’t know about you, but this was not a scene I needed jokes in at all.

But then, like… suddenly…. Immediately after this she starts crying and everything is good for the first time and there is acceptance within her and some semblances of healing of the fractures in her relationship with her mom etc… I dunno, it’s just not cathartic at all, because Devi hasn’t been given enough of a journey at all. The 0 to 100 thing doesn’t work here because it’s not satisfying (for us) or realistic (for Devi) at all.

Re: the grief, I dunno, if we look at another, equally popular Netflix production, The Haunting of Hill House comes to mind. Yes, obviously not at all a meaningful or fair comparison to make but again, if it’s about a family dealing with grief and loss, why can’t we expect that NHIE carry the same gravitas? In Hill House, we see our characters fumble and lash out and ‘pop off’ (a term used in NHIE which I found strangely out of place) at one another, often, but never are manifestations of their grief, never are clear mishandlings of their grief on display for our entertainment in the form of laughs or ‘cringe’ purposes. It’s just...not everything has to be funny you know? Even if it’s a teen show. I think there are ways, subtle ways, expert ways for something to be serious without at all needing to be heavy.

Again, like my gripe with the childish and/or cheap caricatures of human personalities which would be okay if this series was clearly presented as light entertainment to fill gaps in one’s day, not handling the trauma and grief could (perhaps) be overlooked if it didn’t pretend that it would in fact handle it. But everyone’s discussing the show as if it genuinely was an incredible take on dealing with loss and trauma, as if it’s contributed significantly to understandings of how a young, beautiful lovely ‘normal’ schoolgirl can live and learn through extreme trauma… BUT THE SHOW DOESN’T DO THIS LIKE IT LITERALLY DOESN’T AT ALL I FUCKING SWEAR…. Please watch all 10 episodes and show me even just ONE minute where we come full circle from anything, where Devi grows through her pain and where her journey is developed over more than just literally the last 7 minutes of screentime in the very last episode of the entire series. And I’m also seeing soooooo many comments from people who have enjoyed the series mention how fun and lighthearted it was, how comfortable they are to categorize the series as comedy and how great a time they had binge-watching it. But… it’s not funny? Like it’s really not lol… Devi is dealing with a most painful, urgent grief, having lost her father tragically a year before (and having to see him go before her very eyes). Her denial, her various-aforementioned-unhealthy-coping-mechanisms-and-maladaptive-behaviours made for painful watching for me. It shouldn’t be funny for us to see her abandon her friends when they most needed her; it shouldn’t be fun to see her lash out at her mom and dream of Paxton shirtless, these shouldn’t be comedic externalities of her situation at all. Does this mean I want an utterly dour, extremely humourless NHIE instead? Not at all! I just wish scenes / examples of her mishandling her grief were not the same ones that are supposed to make us laugh and think that everything is light and fun. Like, we can have other funny scenes featuring Devi instead you know? Things that aren’t actually incredibly harmful to her psyche.

ANYWAY

Some positives, cos I did enjoy this stupid series lollll and I did cry and I did laugh and I did look forward to watching it every evening while I exercised, okie? :)

There is one honestly genius thing that I like, where the genius lies in its utter randomness. The series (save for one episode which I will not talk about cos I don’t really give a shit about Andy Samberg and whoever his inclusion was pandering to) was narrated by John McEnroe, who, er, apparently is a well-known American tennis player. The only tennis player I know is Andre Agassi because for some reason in 2016 I borrowed from the library and read cover-to-cover his autobiography omg actually why on earth did I even do that lol I must have read somewhere that it was good perhaps? Anyway it is still recognized as one of the most ‘interesting’ or iconic sports autobiographies of all time so. But yea John McEnroe who?? He (John) is mentioned here and there as having been Devi’s late father’s favourite tennis player – which still does nothing to explain how and why he is narrating the whole series, which is great! I do enjoy the no-attempt-made to connect the fact of his narration to anything in the plot. But it’s not done in an annoyingly absurdist way either, you know? It just it what it is. I mean I guess if I’d written the screenplay which was in part autobiographical, I’d too love to have LeBron James or Megan Rapinoe narrating it, just because!

Ultimately, I think we must all acknowledge how fucking epic it is for Mindy Kaling to be where she is today. That Netflix approached her and asked for a story from her heart, drawing from her own life, and gave her the boundary-less freedom to write what she wanted is cool. She may not be the voice I think teens (or any audience really) may most need but they certainly do want this voice – NHIE is so so so loved and appreciate across the board – by adults, kids, diasporic Indian girls, normal non-minority-race girls etc, with everyone calling (begging) for another season, and anyway Mindy Kaling is probably about 1000000x better anyway than others who have been granted the same stage and presence as her before, like, I dunno, Michael fucking Bay or fucking James Cameron so yay her !!! For the sake of us all!

--------

update, a few hours later:

so since forcing Jade to read my post the second it went up, i have learnt that:

So there goes the one singular uniquely cute thing I did appreciate about NHIE then i guess, seeing as his random feature throughout the series isn’t unique at all... seeing as unexpectedness makes for a predictable part of his record, it is no longer charming to me.  lol bye!

[simplyaservant]

Habakkuk: Wrestling with God

Among the shortest, least read and even less spoke of books of the old Testament is a book called Habakkuk. Nestled in between the book of Nahum and Zephaniah, two more old testament books I am sure no one has heard of, lies Habakkuk. Despite its unknown nature, Habakkuk confronts one of the universal questions of humanity: If God is a loving God, why does God allow bad things to happen?

As Christians, we are aware of the nature of God. He is Jehovah-Jireh, our provider; Jehovah Nisei, victory; Jehovah Shalom, The price of peace. He is our savior, healer, provider, defender, the prince of peace and lord of lords—the God who sees us. However, there are times in our life where his healing power and peace seem to be absent. We know the nature of God to be true and eternally unchanging, yet in our times of desperation it becomes difficult to reconcile our belief in who God is and what we perceive in our present situation.

It is in times like this that questions arise. If God is a healer, why is there death and disease? If he is a savior and way maker, why do the pews remain empty? Chain breaker, yet many of us still are weighed down by addictions we can't break and a past we can’t escape. We are left without an answer, so we blame ourselves. It must be our fault—we lack the faith and prayer necessary to make God move. Many times, this may be true, God does desire for us to call out to him and draw closer before moving; however, sometimes God simply does not move in the way we desire because it is not the right timing (or not his will). His divine, for whatever reason we cannot comprehend, includes pain and suffering.

The story of Habakkuk is one of a broken man, carrying the weight of not only his fate but the fate of a nation. Habakkuk was a prophet, and much like all the other old testament prophets he had one job: Listen to God complain about Israel’s sin and how he’d punish them if they didn’t shape up (spoiler alert: they didn’t shape up). 

When Habakkuk was told by God that the Chaldeans—A people who were more unholy than the idolatrous Israel—were going to ravage the city and leave it in ruin, he was left in agony. How could a holy just God, allow this evil to prevail? Hadn’t God promised this land to Israel? How could war and desolation be God’s will for Israel’s life? 

Often, I find myself asking similar questions. Where is God in the midst of the chaos of life?  Why have the friends and family I’ve prayed for for years not turned to God? The Lord promised revival, but where are the 600 souls that are meant to fill the empty alter space? Why does my mother still have cancer when we were told that she was going to be cancer free? Why does her best friend—a steadfast Godly woman who remained in church despite adversity—have stage 4 cancer, and how is this going to bring the family to God? Why am I more lost than ever before? Why didn’t it work out, did I mess up—am I forgiven? Does God hear me? How long, oh lord will you stay silent while my life is crumbling before me? Why when I am trying to do my best for you, am I plagued with fear, faced with temptation and dragged down by past failures I can’t escape. 

The way in which Habakkuk approached his questions has given me direction in moments of uncertainty. The prophet initiated his conversation based on his distress about God’s “inaction” in the world. He wanted to see God do something more, particularly in the area of justice for evildoers. The book of Habakkuk pictures a frustrated prophet, much like Jonah. Both men wanted God to punish sin and demonstrate divine justice. When they did not see evidence of God’s justice, they took their complains to God. However, when God did not grant them the answers they desired, Habakkuk channeled his frustration into prayers and eventually praise to God, rather than trying to run from the Lord as Jonah did.

(Regression: So often, when we have an issue with God, we go everywhere except to him. I know that I’ll find myself talking to myself and friends about how lost I am and cannot hear God, and completely leave my complaints out of the few prayers  In the midst of the uncertainty of life, we have to trust that God is working for our good. Even when we don’t see it, he is working.)

When doubt and confusion arose, Habakkuk cried out unto the lord. He turned to God, not his own understanding and waited for God to speak back to him. Habakkuk addressed his concerns on Gods use of the Babylonian empire to execute judgement on Israel. He openly questions the wisdom of God, and God withhold the answer to his question. Rather than answering his question, God gave Habakkuk a promise of a savior.

The lord told Habakkuk to write the vision down and make it clear for all to see, for the vison was for an appointed time. God did not disregard the chaos that was to come to Israel, nor did he calm the storm raging at that present time. What he did do was provide Habakkuk with a vision for the people of God in order to provide encouragement for the future. The revelation, the vision that Habakkuk received from God, was that the Messiah, Jesus Christ would come and solve the problems Habakkuk worried about—bring salvation, justice and mercy to the world.

Habakkuk’s prayer was not answered in his lifetime. He watched Israel fall into desolation at the hand of the Chaldeans/Babylonians. Israel was not released from their captivity for over 70 years. Yet, the last verses he penned were not those of great sorrow, but of joy—not in his circumstances, but in his Lord. While he was unable to find joy in his circumstances and the storms ahead, he rejoiced in the unchanging nature of God. 

 He wrote, “Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines...Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the lord of my salvation. The lord God is my strength...and he will make me to walk upon my high places” Hab. 3:17-19. 

 When plagued by doubts and uncertainty, we must turn to God and remind ourselves of the things we know to be true through continual prayer and clinging to biblical truths. While it may be difficult to do, we must bring our questions to God and wait on him.  As my youth pastor always says, God never intended for our questions to push us away. God intends to use our questions to grow our faith from one of perplexity and doubt to the height of our faith where we have absolute trust in God, regardless of any answers we may receive (or not receive). A deeper understanding of God is gained through intimacy with him.

 Sometimes what we pray for, and what God desires to happen in our lives don’t coincide. We pray for peace and he sends a storm; revelation and then suddenly we can’t hear anything at all; direction and we get lost. Yet even when all outward evidence points to the contrary, the church is called to trust in the Lord. This trust is based not on what we see, but on who God is. Gods character is revealed through Jesus Christ, in whom divine wrath and divine mercy met when he died on the cross as our savior. God calls all people to put their trust in him, for “the just shall live by faith” (Hab. 2:4). 

 What we think we need and what we truly need are often different in heavens eyes. If God is not revealing a certain side of himself in your life, it does not mean that part of him is absent, it just means that he wishes to reveal a different and deeper side of himself in that season. His way is higher than our ways…

Even if God is not healing, he is still the healer. 

When family isn’t saved, he is still the savior. 

When the bills aren’t paid, he is still a provider. 

When you are troubled, he is the prince of peace. 

When your life is falling apart, he still has the whole world in his hands.

Just because you cannot see him working in the way you desire, does not mean that he is not there. He is still God of all, no matter what.

 The visions God gives you can help you survive the darkest parts of your life. Habakkuk was given a promise of redemption, but also of destruction. While the vision may be one of promise and pain, as it was in Habakkuk’s case, they are meant to sustain you. As you are in pursuit of the promises of God, you can look to the vision while running and receive strength. While everyone’s visions may be different, we all can take the words of Habakkuk and know that the vision is for an appointed time. The visions that God gives you are not false because they have not happened, they are for an appointed season in your life.

While the fruits of your labor may not be evident in this season—all the leaves withered without the slightest sight of rain—you must cling to the promise. Your season will change. The promise is not dead, the vision is not a lie, It is just for a different time. God has things working behind the scenes.

The vision is not a lie, it is just for a different time.

It goes without saying that God does not take pleasure in out pain. However, pain is a necessary, while unpleasant, part of life. Pain is a catalyst in life triggers a level of dependence and faith in God not achieved otherwise. Pain allows individuals to grow and develop at exponential rates and see visions, receive revelations and acquire wisdom in ways they would not have been able to do otherwise. As frustrating as it is to hear when you are in a storm, God does have a purpose for the pain—even if we will never know what it is. 

The name Habakkuk means to wrestle and embrace. Despite the book being only three chapters long, we see Habakkuk go through three separate seasons in his life. In the first chapter we see him wresting with his question and bringing his concerns to God, then in the second chapter he stands and waits on the lord to give him understanding. Once he gives the matter to God, God gives him a vision that helps sustain him though the storm. Finally in the third chapter, Habakkuk embraces God’s word and has faith in the future, despite his current circumstances.  

You see, at different times in our life we will wrestle with tough questions but eventually have to embrace God and trust in him despite the questions we still have. Sometimes, we don’t not get the closure and answers we desire. The family member dies, the relationship ends, the job doesn’t work out. The prayer goes unanswered. That is when the peace of God comes in in. We may never understand, but we must believe that he is still in control. We may never understand, but must trust that God is still God. Even when life has its toll on us, it does not change who God is. No matter what, he is still worthy of all the glory, all the honor and all the praise.  

[waftr]

We all love online games and enjoy them equally. For all of us, they are the complete stress-buster. But most games require a stable internet connection. What happens when you don’t have a working internet connection? Fret not!

Want to play games without the Internet? In this post I’m writing a list of 50+ Offline games “No Wifi” or “Mobile Internet” needed to play these games, But, you should install them using the Internet before. These games include Action, Adventure, Classic, Racing and more.

List of Top Free Offline Mobile Games

Based on the Rating, customer review, usability and the ability to run without having an Internet connection, I’ve listed down more than 50 Android and iOS games for you. Install, Play and Enjoy!

No Wifi Games Android Download iOS Download

Angry Birds Angry Birds for Android Angry Birds for iOS

Temple Run Temple Run for Android Temple Run for iOS

Subway Surfers Subway Surfers for Android Subway Surfers for iOS

GTA GTA for Android GTA for iOS

Candy Crush Saga Candy Crush Saga for Android Candy Crush Saga for iOS

Asphalt Asphalt for Android Asphalt for iOS

Limbo Limbo for Android Limbo for iOS

Plants vs. Zombies 2 Plants vs. Zombies 2 for Android Plants vs. Zombies 2 for iOS

Unblock Me Unblock Me for Android Unblock Me for iOS

Minecraft Minecraft for Android Minecraft for iOS

Cut the Rope Cut the Rope for Android Cut the Rope for iOS

Hill Climb Racing Hill Climb Racing for Android Hill Climb Racing for iOS

Plants Vs. Zombies Plants Vs. Zombies for Android Plants Vs. Zombies for iOS

Smash Hit Smash Hit for Android Smash Hit for iOS

Where’s My Water? Where’s My Water? for Android Where’s My Water? for iOS

Flow Free Flow Free for Android Flow Free for iOS

Shadow Fight 2 Shadow Fight 2 for Android Shadow Fight 2 for iOS

Piano Tiles Piano Tiles for Android Piano Tiles for iOS

Gunship Battle Gunship Battle for Android Gunship Battle for iOS

Badland Badland for Android Badland for iOS

Death Trigger Death Trigger for Android Death Trigger for iOS

Hungry Shark Evolution Hungry Shark Evolution for Android Hungry Shark Evolution for iOS

Paper Toss Paper Toss for Android Paper Toss for iOS

Angry Birds 2 Angry Birds 2 for Android Angry Birds 2 for iOS

Duet Duet for Android Duet for iOS

The Escapists The Escapists for Android The Escapists for iOS

EvoCreo EvoCreo for Android EvoCreo for iOS

Crossy Road Crossy Road for Android Crossy Road for iOS

Downwell Downwell for Android Downwell for iOS

Baldur’s Gate Baldur’s Gate for Android Baldur’s Gate for iOS

Archery Master 3D Archery Master 3D for Android Archery Master 3D for iOS

Jetpack Joyride Jetpack Joyride for Android Jetpack Joyride for iOS

Swamp Attack Swamp Attack for Android Swamp Attack for iOS

True Skate True Skate for Android True Skate for iOS

Evoland Evoland for Android Evoland for iOS

Fallout Shelter Fallout Shelter for Android Fallout Shelter for iOS

Final Fantasy Tactics Final Fantasy Tactics for Android Final Fantasy Tactics for iOS

Flipflop Solitaire Flipflop Solitaire for Android Flipflop Solitaire for iOS

Lifeline Lifeline for Android Lifeline for iOS

Monster Hunter Stories Monster Hunter for Android Monster Hunter for iOS

Monument Valley Monument Valley for Android Monument Valley for iOS

Pixel Dungeon Pixel Dungeon for Android Pixel Dungeon for iOS

Pocket Mortys Pocket Mortys for Android Pocket Mortys for iOS

Really Bad Chess Really Bad Chess for Android Really Bad Chess for iOS

The Room The Room for Android The Room for iOS

Run Sausage Run! Run Sausage Run! for Android Run Sausage Run! for iOS

Sorcery Sorcery for Android Sorcery for iOS

Star Wars – Offline Star Wars for Android Star Wars for iOS

Super Hexagon Super Hexagon for Android Super Hexagon for iOS

Threes Threes for Android Threes for iOS

Hang Line Hang Line for Android Hang Line for iOS

Micro Vendor Adventures Micro Vendor for Android Micro Vendor for iOS

Pictoword – No wifi Game Pictoword for Android Pictoword for iOS

Sonic the Hedgehog Sonic the Hedgehog for Android Sonic the Hedgehog for iOS

Now you can play impeccable shooting games offline without any internet connectivity. Offline shooting games are the best way to pass your time engagingly. Do you want to shoot some zombies, kill some bad guys, and beat some villains? 

Let your adrenaline pump in these exuberating shooting games offline. 

Top offline shooting games on iOS and Android

Shooting games offline are the best way of preserving the feeble battery life of your iOS and Android while using its features to shoot some dangerous guys. Play offline shooting and sniping games without losing your precious battery lives!

1. N. O. V. A Legacy

Gameloft designs NOVA Legacy and many offline games for iOS and Android addicts. This game has stupefying graphics bound to make you forget real-life and pull you inside this made-up one. This game guarantees the best 3D sci-fi experience when it comes to offline shooting games. You can keep an eye on your strength and health while combating evil aliens who are on a secret mission to destroy the world as we know it. NOVA legacy got 4.1 Stars for more than 1Million ratings.

Download NOVA Legacy offline game for iOS and Android

2. Lonewolf

Lonewolf is an astounding shooting game offline that uses a neo-noir storyline and visuals, wrapped in thrilling adventures. There’s gritty violence that’s engaging and keeps the player hooked till the end. You can select a weapon from a wide assortment of guns- rifles, bombs, nippers, handguns, etc. Download Lonewolf offline game for iOS and Android

3. Into the Dead 2

You get seven action-packed chapters where you blast killer zombies in a grueling adventure. There are 60 stages, and as you level up, you unlock rural farm communities, new zombies, new equipment, etc. Structure military bases to your advantage and shoot your shot! Download Into the Dead 2 offline game for iOS and Android

4. EPOCH

Zombies, bad guys, mafias are all too common in shooting games. The USP for this game is robots. Become a skilled robot shooter, as robots fight to establish dominance in a world destined to be destroyed. It’s not an easy game, and it requires more than just brilliant hand-eye coordination. You’ll have to use tactical knowledge to beat everybody else and emerge victoriously. Trust the founders of award-winning games like Bioshock to build a masterpiece like EPOCH.  Download EPOCH offline game for iOS

5. Mad Bullets

There is so much going on in this game; it isn’t very easy to point out all of them. There is a damsel in distress, American ninjas, a wide selection of weapons, a cowboy shooter, and of course, stunning gameplay. There are 200 missions, spanned across 50 minigames and 3 locations.  Download Mad Bullets offline game for iOS and Android

6. Gun War

With a booming total of 124 shooting tasks, spanning across more than 50 featured locations and maps, there’s a lot to say about Gun War. Something unique about this shooting game offline is the fact that you can upgrade even the most basic or rudimentary guns. There’s always a way to make your weapons better, thus making the tasks more enjoyable. Challenge yourself even more by comparing your scores to those playing this game around the world! Download Gun war offline game for iOS and Android

7. Last Hope Sniper- Zombie War

Want to see your enemies blow up? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Last Hope Sniper is an interactive and immersive game wherein the zombies will blow up and come crashing down like a bloody rain shower. 

Expect your mind to be blown away by the detail-rich environments in this shooting game offline. There are so many tools and weapons that are unique to this game- like rocket launchers, missile strikes, shields, shock bullets, poison grenades, etc. You’re the Last Hope for this world; your heroics will determine how many people you can save. Download Last Hope Sniper offline game for iOS and Android

8. Major Mayhem 2

Some people don’t want to waste their precious time strategizing. They have only one pursuit- kill!

Thankfully there’s a game where they can do just that. Major Mayhem 2 doesn’t believe in plotting and planning. You can install it blindly and be assured that there’ll be a lot to shoot. It has vibrant graphics that excite you, and its entire gameplay is pretty comfortable. Nonchalant gamers shall find themselves hooked to Major Mayhem 2. There are seven different types of weapons, and they all shoot uniquely.  Download Major Mayhem offline game for iOS and Android

9. Dead Effect 2

You’ve heard of Dead Effect. You played it; you loved it. Then you wanted something more. The makers of Dead Effect haven’t disappointed us yet. Dead Effect had a breathtaking impact on all of our lives because of its revolutionizing gameplay. Dead Effect 2 is no less. This world of shooting shall leave you spellbound, and you’ll need to be a competent shooter to keep up!

Find gadgets and weapons on the way in this 20-hour campaign. We can bet that you’ll find yourself glued to your mobile screens. If you find horror genres and themes thrilling, this game is the perfect fit for you.  Download Dead effect 2 offline game for iOS and Android

10. Mad Zombies

Mad Zombie is a personal favorite. Adrenaline shall be through the roof, and hearts shall pump with anticipation. The gameplay is mildly tough, and it’s not as easy as it looks. It keeps getting more stringent, and the bigger zombies are a pain to kill. It takes sincerity in efforts, all the presence of your mind, to make sure you defeat these foul zombies and shoot them right in their heads.  Download mad Zombies offline game for iOS and Android

Best No Wi-fi Game

Here ends the list of No-WiFi games, I’ll make sure to update the game list, feel free to share any of the games you know which can be played even without having Internet.

FAQs

Can you play games without Internet?

Yes, you have to initially install the game using the internet and then you can play the game without the Internet.

How to download offline games?

Click on the links and that will take you to respective App stores to download games, once the game got installed you can play them offline, without the Internet.

What are the best Offline Games for Mobile?

Angry Birds, Subway Surfers, Temple Run, Shadow fight are the top offline games, if you want to try any new games you can play Lifeline, The Room.

The post 53 Best No Wifi Games – 2019 [Android & iOS – Offline] appeared first on Waftr.com.

[therapybg]

What is a Golem?

In the Lord of the rings what does Gollum do? What does he want? Who does he want if for?

There is a moment to ask questions. I'm going to start this one with an aside about Ireland. Ireland has a traveling people, we call them travelers (they call themselves travelers). Some are settled, some move, some are seasonal, despite that they are a distinct group. They are indistinguishable in nearly every aspect from the "settled." As a foreigner you could not tell the difference. An ancient battle between rovers and drovers, herders and hunters, pastoralism and predation has led to different ways of perceiving the world. I'm a farmer by upbringing, but I know the ways and means of the hunter too. I figuratively have a foot in both camps. There is a game played by both "sides." The traveler is often shunted on from his or her "halting" site by the local settled police. I've seen at first hand the quality of official traveler halting sites.  A traveler often receives prejudice and unfair treatment. But the traveling person is well able to dish it out too, despite the "victim status." A travelling person will often ask me many questions in sequences (the more you know) but will divulge little information of any value to me. He or she will claim victimhood as a right, not as a tautology, but as a well defined negotiating position in a sequence. If it is an older traveler woman she may offer to tell my fortune, if I "cross her palm with silver." Do you have any scrap? Do you have any copper? Can you spare a few quid, sir? Do you want those gates? You're very good, sir! Remember the tongue is a powerful weapon both in the personal and the public sphere. I have no animosity to travelers, but I'm not often trustful of the objectives. A traveler man will ask me for favors, but not often deliver favors to me. A traveler may take me for a"mark" until I show I'm aware of the game. The traveler is educated enough to know that he preys on the customs of the settled, as a wolf would on sheep, although he cannot admit it (or the illusion disappears).  Of course there are settled who do the same. It's not a linear quality in any way, or a mark of a particular group, it is a set of tactics that become burnished in use. The traveler would argue that by enclosing the land, the settler has removed his hunting grounds and the enmity is of two tribes inhabiting one land.  This historical argument holds water too. There are strong rules within traveler society; marriage is sacrosanct, male honor is a currency.  A man's word is his bond *among the group. You may lie as much as you want to a settled. There are valid reasons for all of these things in a world without access to court, or the ability to pursue a lien. It's not a morality tale, it is about pursuit of goals and objectives. I There are mountains of book on "in group reciprocation, altruism and genetic inheritance. The Israelis have a lot of the same stuff going on. Although they are planted settlers, many are not native to the region, they survive with the support of the US and the UK against the combined might of their Arab, Persian and Egyptian  neighbors, among others.  The source of their power is having the ear of the powerful in the US and UK, the Rothschild banking syndicate, a more technically advanced country than many of their neighbors, and their diaspora in those countries. Having the the US and the UK targeted against "muslim" peoples is a fine tactic. Muslim is a very broad term indeed, you may as well use the term "Christian" and start fighting all of Europe, Latin America and Russia at the same time? Control of media is a prerequisite for this tactic, if you lose the media, you lose the advantage. We discussed this before. If an Irish traveller was viewing the scenario: he would see that settled will fight settled, lose their best men, which might be replaced by mine (the meek shall inherit..?). Gain by deception and deceit, not thru force of arms. The stupid deserve their fate is the logical position. It is an ancient gambit used by schoolchildren everywhere: get the big guy to do your bullying for you. I note that girls often use this gambit, playing on a guy's honor. Interesting, the girl doesn't need "honor" to be believed, she claims victimhood and others "rally" to the cause. Claim "racism" Claim "intolerance" Claim "victim status" then bash the "other" with "right" on your side. Self Offence. Claim "racism" Claim "intolerance" Claim "victim status" then bash the "other" with "right" on your side. Self Offence. All the time, 24/7, then use your "magic" megaphone position: subvert, subvert, subvert the conversation, the ideas, the focus of debate. Move tolerance over until it is acceptance, move acceptance over until it is observance, move observance over until it is dogma. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat till you get totalitarianism. Kill the Kulaks. Done. Next ...starve. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_famine_of_1932%E2%80%9333 It is a tactic, not an aberration. Deceive, lie, misdirect, use a pretty assistant, use smoke, use mirrors, use devices, uses suggestion, use the stage you construct. Create a dark room. Become the light. I am not saying that a garrison in the Middle East is not favorable for World powers, but I do wonder when the tail started wagging the dog, officially? I have an idea about that too :) Where is the weakness in this plan? Simple answer: Love is the answer. If the Americans wake up and value their own youth? If the Americans laugh at the idea of being the world's policeman? If the Americans support Americans first? If Americans print their own money? If they find out that 9-11 was not a "muslim" operation? If the Americans make peace with Libyans, Syrians, Egyptians, Iraqis, Iranians, Yemenis, Saudis and Afghanis? Would you like to play a game? https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086567/ When I did my original piece about Kennedy, I noted that some ears perked up. Why would that be I asked myself? I knew a partial answer, I didn't think they'd be quite so twitchy just yet :)...we're not there yet, yet. “As I wrote Mr. Ben-Gurion, this government’s commitment to and support of Israel could be seriously jeopardized if it should be thought that we were unable to obtain reliable information on a subject as vital to peace as Israel’s effort in the nuclear field,” the telegram said."https://www.jpost.com/Diaspora/President-Kennedy-gave-Israel-a-strong-warning-about-its-nuclear-reactor-in-1963-589107 I noted that Israeli embassies closed shop all over the world at very short notice recently. I also noticed a projected date for a huge false flag event on the weekend of November 3rd in Seattle. The projected result of this event: an ICBM attack on the city during a football game was to create a war *with whoever would be deemed the perpetrator of this killing of over 1m people,  *like 9-11 was. It didn't happen (that doesn't mean it wasn't planned to happen on that date). Understand that these people are working to a script. We've discussed the Epstein - Mossad - C_A  connection.  We've seen how large corporate entities like hellywood and the news media are virulently anti-Trump and are doing everything possible to kill that story.  Whoever is pushing these things is working in the shadows, but it is coming into the light all over the world. The whole picture has a vague tint of yellow to it: Orange man Bad.  Arab man bad. White man bad. Everyone bad, except..."minorities." Why are they so focused on sexually deviant lifestyles: gays, transexuals, pronouning, pedos? Ask yourself the question. Then ask why is the "heartland," "mom, pop and apple pie, "middle America, nuclear family, so pro Trump? There is an answer. Why do they call Trump a racist *specifically? Is it to get ahead of a story? Let's return to Kennedy for a moment... I was watching a show on YouTube a while back, from a guy who later went missing, Bill Smith. It was about the Yad Kennedy memorial in Israel. "The 60-foot high (18 m) memorial is shaped like the stump of a felled tree, symbolizing a life cut short.Inside is a bronze relief of Kennedy, with an eternal flame burning in the center."https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yad_Kennedy Smith makes the case that Jack Ruby was Jack Rubinstein who may have been connected to  Meyer Lansky.  Wikipedia makes the opposite assertion: The Commission indicated that there was not a "significant link between Ruby and organized crime" and said he acted independently in killing Oswald. Of course he did, they all do. In September 1964, the Warren Commission concluded that Ruby acted alone in killing Oswald. Various groups believed Ruby was involved with major figures in organized crime and that he killed Oswald as part of an overall plot surrounding the assassination of Kennedy." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Ruby We know George Bush Sr. was in Dallas. He rose to head the C_A.  We know what became of the C_A. We're pretty sure junior had a connection to 9-11 and he had some friends over for the event. We are finding out a lot of stuff which has been buried, it's piling up, in fact.

When all this is done, we might have to look who is printing the money? And who is doing the dying? A reckoning, you might call it. I'm not saying it is Israel (Israel didn't pay for the monument, others did). There is a script. It is not "Arabs, nor white men, nor Muslims, nor Israelis.  I'm saying there is a hidden hand.

What if the end they so desperately seek, becomes their end?  Gollum : Myyyy... Precious! Smeagol : The precious will be ours... once the Hobbitses are dead!   As my Irish traveler friends would put it: "Sher you're a beast of a man, fair dues. Now, let's be seein ya, fien."   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golem https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gollum https://vocal.media/geeks/gollum-a-warning-to-us-all   https://www.jpost.com/Diaspora/President-Kennedy-gave-Israel-a-strong-warning-about-its-nuclear-reactor-in-1963-589107   Read the full article

[focusontheeasternlightning-blog]

Bad Things That Happened to New Believers Are Satan’s Temptations

By Titie, United States

I welcomed the Lord’s return.

Since I was little, I had followed my mom in her belief in the Lord Jesus and had enjoyed bounteous grace from Him. After I grew up, blessed by the Lord, I was successful in my career and my family was happy. I was so grateful for everything the Lord had bestowed upon me that I actively attended gatherings and ardently pursued.

At a gathering in the summer of 2003, two brothers testified about Almighty God’s kingdom gospel to me. They fellowshiped with me about various aspects of the truth, such as the purpose of God’s six-thousand-year management plan, the three stages of God’s work, and the significance of God’s name. When they fellowshiped about the scripture: “For as the lightning, that lightens out of the one part under heaven, shines to the other part under heaven; so shall also the Son of man be in his day. But first must he suffer many things, and be rejected of this generation” (Luke 17:24–25), I realized that the Lord Jesus has become flesh once again and expressed the truth in the image of the Son of man, doing the work of judgment beginning with God’s family; He is condemned and rejected by the pastors and elders in the religious world. This reminded me that the pastor and elders told us to guard against Eastern Lightning at every gathering, stopping brothers and sisters from investigating Almighty God’s work of the last days. It was just like how the Roman government and the Pharisees condemned and rejected the Lord Jesus when He came to carry out His work. This exactly fulfills the words: “But first must he suffer many things, and be rejected of this generation.” At that time, I felt brightened within and confirmed from my heart that Almighty God is the return of the Lord Jesus. At the end of the gathering, the brother gave me a copy of The Scroll Opened by the Lamb and told me that this book is the personal utterances of the Christ of the last days and that I should read God’s words more in my spare time. On my way home, I was very happy, thinking, “In my lifetime, I am able to welcome the Lord’s return. This is truly my blessing and special favor! I will properly follow Almighty God.”

Afterward, I eagerly read God’s words whenever I had time, feeling these words were so good. Through reading Almighty God’s words, I understood many mysteries in the Bible I didn’t understand in the past, my heart becoming more and more brightened. Just when I was enjoying the bountiful supply of God’s words, Satan’s temptations suddenly befell me.

Temptations befell me.

One morning, just after my husband got up, his waist suddenly hurt so badly that he couldn’t stand straight. Unable to work, he could only lie in bed. Seeing his pained expression, I felt distressed and bewildered, “He was fine yesterday. How could he become like this today?” Then I called my parents-in-law, asking them to take my husband to the hospital. Only a few days later, my daughter, who was always very healthy, got a cough and had a high fever all of a sudden. I iced her forehead constantly and gave her cough medicine, but neither worked. She was still running a high temperature and had a sore throat. I had to take her to the hospital to get an infusion. Seeing that my little daughter kept crying when the doctor gave her the injection, I got saddened but couldn’t do anything to help her.

Misfortunes never come single. The brisk business in my clothing store suddenly went south and the daily profit wasn’t enough to cover the rent. I couldn’t help worrying, “My business has been bothering me, and after getting back home, I have to look after my sick husband and daughter. What if things go on like this?” Pained and weak, I thought, “Why have I encountered so many unfortunate things? Why did God not protect me? Could it be that I put my faith in the wrong place? Before I accepted God’s new work, everything in my life went smoothly: My family was at peace; the business in my store was brisk and whatever I stocked sold well. How come things are like this now?” I was loaded down with these problems. Unable to quiet my heart, I read God’s words perfunctorily. Then, I prayed to God silently in my heart, “Oh Almighty God! Since I accepted Your new work, why do I still encounter these calamities? My husband and daughter both are ill, and my business is bad. I can’t feel Your grace and blessings. Oh God! What’s going on? I don’t understand Your will. Please lead me.”

God’s words resolved my confusion.

At a gathering, I told my sisters about what happened to me. Hearing my words, a sister said to me, “The reason why we encounter these unfavorable matters is because of Satan’s disturbance. Satan is hostile to God and it is unwilling to see people return before God and obtain His eternal salvation. So, Satan uses various ways to interfere and prevent us from accepting the true way. Only when we see through Satan’s schemes can we not be deceived by it.” Then, the sister read one passage of God’s words to me: “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God.” After reading God’s words, the sister fellowshiped with me, saying, “Outwardly, your husband and kid suddenly get ill and your business goes south, but actually, it is a spiritual battle; it’s Satan’s wager with God. Today, God’s coming to do the work of judgment in the last days is to save us mankind from Satan’s dark influence, so that we can live under God’s care and blessing. However, Satan is unwilling to let us worship and obey God. So, when God saves us, it trails along behind Him and uses all kinds of methods to tempt and disturb us, doing its best to prevent us from returning before God. For example, Satan targets and attacks our weak points. It makes our family lose peace so that we would fall into its temptation and mistakenly think that we encounter these matters because we put our faith in the wrong place. Its purpose is to cause us to doubt God, deny God and finally refuse God’s salvation and miss the extremely rare chance to be saved. In fact, everything God does in us human is love and salvation; only Satan harms us like this. Yet these matters we encounter are sanctioned by God. God permitting Satan to do so is to make us recognize its evil essence and see clearly the ugliness of Satan that uses various methods to disturb us and stop us from coming before God and obtaining His salvation. Meanwhile, God uses Satan’s obstacle and disturbance to test whether or not we truly follow Him; if we truly believe in God, no matter how Satan disturbs us, we will stand witness for God relying on our faith.”

After listening to the sister’s fellowship, I suddenly realized: These calamities I am encountering are in fact Satan’s disturbance, and it wants to use these to prevent me from accepting the true way. Its motive is too vicious! At the same time, I also understood this: Everyone who accepts God’s new work has to experience the spiritual battle. God’s permitting Satan to tempt me is to make me see through its schemes and know its evil substance so that I can finally stand witness for Him. God’s wisdom is exercised based on Satan’s schemes. After coming back home, I prayed to God, “Oh Almighty God! It turns out that these unhappy situations I encounter are Satan’s disturbances. Oh God! Now I know it is Satan’s scheme. I’m willing to stand witness and won’t forsake You. May You guide me and give me faith.”

I saw through Satan’s schemes.

After my prayer, the emotions I had restrained for so long were a little released. However, after a period of time, the business in my store was still stagnant; sometimes the profit even couldn’t cover the rent. Therefore, I was very distressed, thinking, “Every month, besides our high daily expenses, we not only have to pay the rent but also have to repay the housing loan. We can barely live on my husband’s salary. What if this keeps up?” Unconsciously, I again fell into Satan’s trap. My confidence in God started to ebb away and I felt very weak in my spirit.Right as I was perplexed, I saw a passage of God’s words: “What you pursue is to be able to gain peace after believing in God—for your children to be free from illness, for your husband to have a good job, for your son to find a good wife, for your daughter to find a decent husband, for your oxen and horses to plough the land well, for a year of good weather for your crops. This is what you seek. Your pursuit is only to live in comfort, for no accidents to befall your family, for the winds to pass you by, for your face to be untouched by grit, for your family’s crops to not be flooded, for you to be unaffected by any disaster, to live in God’s embrace, to live in a cozy nest. A coward such as you, who always pursues the flesh—do you have a heart, do you have a spirit? Are you not a beast? I give you the true way without asking for anything in return, yet you do not pursue. Are you one of those who believe in God?”

Through the revelation of God’s words, I realized that my perspective of believing in God was wrong. I thought as long as I believed in God, He would give me peace and grace and I wouldn’t encounter any unhappy situation. When my family was not at peace and I couldn’t afford the rent, I complained against God and doubted His work. I regarded God as an object that I could make demands of. God is the Creator while I’m only a created being; worshiping and obeying God is the law of heaven for me. God became flesh twice to work to save us and has provided for us selflessly without claiming anything from us, while in my belief in God I blindly made demands of Him. I was so unreasonable. Was I at all like a true believer? In the past, I thought I believed in God sincerely, because since I was little I had believed in the Lord, and I also accepted God’s new work. However, today, faced with the fact, I had to admit that my belief in God was only to gain blessings and grace. I was really unworthy of God’s salvation! “Now Satan is taking advantage of my intention of gaining blessings to disturb me, and to make me shun and deny God, and thereby to cause me to betray God due to not gaining grace. Satan is too evil. If I’m weak and passive and complain against God, am I not falling for Satan’s scheme?” At this thought, I had the will to betray Satan and satisfy God. “No matter what environment I encounter, I am willing to rely on God to experience it and never complain against or doubt Him again.” I thought of God’s words, “Any and all things, living or dead, will shift, change, renew, and disappear according to God’s thoughts. This is how God rules over all things.” “Yeah, everything in the universe is determined by God, and changes according to His thoughts. No matter how savage Satan is, it is also under God’s feet. Whether or not I can afford the rent and whether or not my husband and daughter can recover are in God’s hands. I should look upon God and entrust these to God.” At that time, I was no more restrained by these matters.

God showed His deeds.

Thank God! When I was willing to obey, something miraculous happened. My daughter gradually recovered from her fever and cough, and my husband’s waist slowly got better after treatment; my business also picked up. I couldn’t help giving thanks to God in my heart. If it hadn’t been for God’s protection and the timely guidance of His words, I would have fallen for Satan’s schemes and thus have lost God’s salvation.

After experiencing the spiritual battle, I saw Satan’s meanness and evilness and turned around my wrong perspective of believing in God. Instead of seeking blessings and welfare of the flesh, we believers in God should seek truth and grasp God’s will from all people, events, and things we experience based on a belief that God holds sovereignty over everything; at the same time, we should get to know ourselves through the revelation of God’s words and finally achieve changes in our dispositions and live out the likeness of a real man. Only thus can we be said to believe in God. Just as God’s words say, “True faith in God means experiencing the words and work of God based on a belief that God holds sovereignty over all things. So you shall be freed of your corrupt disposition, shall fulfill the desire of God, and shall come to know God. Only through such a journey can you be said to believe in God.” Thank God! All the glory be to God!

[comebeforegod]

Bad Things That Happened to New Believers Are Satan’s Temptations

By Titie, United States

I welcomed the Lord’s return.

Since I was little, I had followed my mom in her belief in the Lord Jesus and had enjoyed bounteous grace from Him. After I grew up, blessed by the Lord, I was successful in my career and my family was happy. I was so grateful for everything the Lord had bestowed upon me that I actively attended gatherings and ardently pursued.

At a gathering in the summer of 2003, two brothers testified about Almighty God’s kingdom gospel to me. They fellowshiped with me about various aspects of the truth, such as the purpose of God’s six-thousand-year management plan, the three stages of God’s work, and the significance of God’s name. When they fellowshiped about the scripture: “For as the lightning, that lightens out of the one part under heaven, shines to the other part under heaven; so shall also the Son of man be in his day. But first must he suffer many things, and be rejected of this generation” (Luke 17:24–25), I realized that the Lord Jesus has become flesh once again and expressed the truth in the image of the Son of man, doing the work of judgment beginning with God’s family; He is condemned and rejected by the pastors and elders in the religious world. This reminded me that the pastor and elders told us to guard against Eastern Lightning at every gathering, stopping brothers and sisters from investigating Almighty God’s work of the last days. It was just like how the Roman government and the Pharisees condemned and rejected the Lord Jesus when He came to carry out His work. This exactly fulfills the words: “But first must he suffer many things, and be rejected of this generation.” At that time, I felt brightened within and confirmed from my heart that Almighty God is the return of the Lord Jesus. At the end of the gathering, the brother gave me a copy of The Scroll Opened by the Lamb and told me that this book is the personal utterances of the Christ of the last days and that I should read God’s words more in my spare time. On my way home, I was very happy, thinking, “In my lifetime, I am able to welcome the Lord’s return. This is truly my blessing and special favor! I will properly follow Almighty God.”

Afterward, I eagerly read God’s words whenever I had time, feeling these words were so good. Through reading Almighty God’s words, I understood many mysteries in the Bible I didn’t understand in the past, my heart becoming more and more brightened. Just when I was enjoying the bountiful supply of God’s words, Satan’s temptations suddenly befell me.

Temptations befell me.

One morning, just after my husband got up, his waist suddenly hurt so badly that he couldn’t stand straight. Unable to work, he could only lie in bed. Seeing his pained expression, I felt distressed and bewildered, “He was fine yesterday. How could he become like this today?” Then I called my parents-in-law, asking them to take my husband to the hospital. Only a few days later, my daughter, who was always very healthy, got a cough and had a high fever all of a sudden. I iced her forehead constantly and gave her cough medicine, but neither worked. She was still running a high temperature and had a sore throat. I had to take her to the hospital to get an infusion. Seeing that my little daughter kept crying when the doctor gave her the injection, I got saddened but couldn’t do anything to help her.

Misfortunes never come single. The brisk business in my clothing store suddenly went south and the daily profit wasn’t enough to cover the rent. I couldn’t help worrying, “My business has been bothering me, and after getting back home, I have to look after my sick husband and daughter. What if things go on like this?” Pained and weak, I thought, “Why have I encountered so many unfortunate things? Why did God not protect me? Could it be that I put my faith in the wrong place? Before I accepted God’s new work, everything in my life went smoothly: My family was at peace; the business in my store was brisk and whatever I stocked sold well. How come things are like this now?” I was loaded down with these problems. Unable to quiet my heart, I read God’s words perfunctorily. Then, I prayed to God silently in my heart, “Oh Almighty God! Since I accepted Your new work, why do I still encounter these calamities? My husband and daughter both are ill, and my business is bad. I can’t feel Your grace and blessings. Oh God! What’s going on? I don’t understand Your will. Please lead me.”

God’s words resolved my confusion.

At a gathering, I told my sisters about what happened to me. Hearing my words, a sister said to me, “The reason why we encounter these unfavorable matters is because of Satan’s disturbance. Satan is hostile to God and it is unwilling to see people return before God and obtain His eternal salvation. So, Satan uses various ways to interfere and prevent us from accepting the true way. Only when we see through Satan’s schemes can we not be deceived by it.” Then, the sister read one passage of God’s words to me: “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God.” After reading God’s words, the sister fellowshiped with me, saying, “Outwardly, your husband and kid suddenly get ill and your business goes south, but actually, it is a spiritual battle; it’s Satan’s wager with God. Today, God’s coming to do the work of judgment in the last days is to save us mankind from Satan’s dark influence, so that we can live under God’s care and blessing. However, Satan is unwilling to let us worship and obey God. So, when God saves us, it trails along behind Him and uses all kinds of methods to tempt and disturb us, doing its best to prevent us from returning before God. For example, Satan targets and attacks our weak points. It makes our family lose peace so that we would fall into its temptation and mistakenly think that we encounter these matters because we put our faith in the wrong place. Its purpose is to cause us to doubt God, deny God and finally refuse God’s salvation and miss the extremely rare chance to be saved. In fact, everything God does in us human is love and salvation; only Satan harms us like this. Yet these matters we encounter are sanctioned by God. God permitting Satan to do so is to make us recognize its evil essence and see clearly the ugliness of Satan that uses various methods to disturb us and stop us from coming before God and obtaining His salvation. Meanwhile, God uses Satan’s obstacle and disturbance to test whether or not we truly follow Him; if we truly believe in God, no matter how Satan disturbs us, we will stand witness for God relying on our faith.”

After listening to the sister’s fellowship, I suddenly realized: These calamities I am encountering are in fact Satan’s disturbance, and it wants to use these to prevent me from accepting the true way. Its motive is too vicious! At the same time, I also understood this: Everyone who accepts God’s new work has to experience the spiritual battle. God’s permitting Satan to tempt me is to make me see through its schemes and know its evil substance so that I can finally stand witness for Him. God’s wisdom is exercised based on Satan’s schemes. After coming back home, I prayed to God, “Oh Almighty God! It turns out that these unhappy situations I encounter are Satan’s disturbances. Oh God! Now I know it is Satan’s scheme. I’m willing to stand witness and won’t forsake You. May You guide me and give me faith.”

I saw through Satan’s schemes.

After my prayer, the emotions I had restrained for so long were a little released. However, after a period of time, the business in my store was still stagnant; sometimes the profit even couldn’t cover the rent. Therefore, I was very distressed, thinking, “Every month, besides our high daily expenses, we not only have to pay the rent but also have to repay the housing loan. We can barely live on my husband’s salary. What if this keeps up?” Unconsciously, I again fell into Satan’s trap. My confidence in God started to ebb away and I felt very weak in my spirit.Right as I was perplexed, I saw a passage of God’s words: “What you pursue is to be able to gain peace after believing in God—for your children to be free from illness, for your husband to have a good job, for your son to find a good wife, for your daughter to find a decent husband, for your oxen and horses to plough the land well, for a year of good weather for your crops. This is what you seek. Your pursuit is only to live in comfort, for no accidents to befall your family, for the winds to pass you by, for your face to be untouched by grit, for your family’s crops to not be flooded, for you to be unaffected by any disaster, to live in God’s embrace, to live in a cozy nest. A coward such as you, who always pursues the flesh—do you have a heart, do you have a spirit? Are you not a beast? I give you the true way without asking for anything in return, yet you do not pursue. Are you one of those who believe in God?”

Through the revelation of God’s words, I realized that my perspective of believing in God was wrong. I thought as long as I believed in God, He would give me peace and grace and I wouldn’t encounter any unhappy situation. When my family was not at peace and I couldn’t afford the rent, I complained against God and doubted His work. I regarded God as an object that I could make demands of. God is the Creator while I’m only a created being; worshiping and obeying God is the law of heaven for me. God became flesh twice to work to save us and has provided for us selflessly without claiming anything from us, while in my belief in God I blindly made demands of Him. I was so unreasonable. Was I at all like a true believer? In the past, I thought I believed in God sincerely, because since I was little I had believed in the Lord, and I also accepted God’s new work. However, today, faced with the fact, I had to admit that my belief in God was only to gain blessings and grace. I was really unworthy of God’s salvation! “Now Satan is taking advantage of my intention of gaining blessings to disturb me, and to make me shun and deny God, and thereby to cause me to betray God due to not gaining grace. Satan is too evil. If I’m weak and passive and complain against God, am I not falling for Satan’s scheme?” At this thought, I had the will to betray Satan and satisfy God. “No matter what environment I encounter, I am willing to rely on God to experience it and never complain against or doubt Him again.” I thought of God’s words, “Any and all things, living or dead, will shift, change, renew, and disappear according to God’s thoughts. This is how God rules over all things.” “Yeah, everything in the universe is determined by God, and changes according to His thoughts. No matter how savage Satan is, it is also under God’s feet. Whether or not I can afford the rent and whether or not my husband and daughter can recover are in God’s hands. I should look upon God and entrust these to God.” At that time, I was no more restrained by these matters.

God showed His deeds.

Thank God! When I was willing to obey, something miraculous happened. My daughter gradually recovered from her fever and cough, and my husband’s waist slowly got better after treatment; my business also picked up. I couldn’t help giving thanks to God in my heart. If it hadn’t been for God’s protection and the timely guidance of His words, I would have fallen for Satan’s schemes and thus have lost God’s salvation.

After experiencing the spiritual battle, I saw Satan’s meanness and evilness and turned around my wrong perspective of believing in God. Instead of seeking blessings and welfare of the flesh, we believers in God should seek truth and grasp God’s will from all people, events, and things we experience based on a belief that God holds sovereignty over everything; at the same time, we should get to know ourselves through the revelation of God’s words and finally achieve changes in our dispositions and live out the likeness of a real man. Only thus can we be said to believe in God. Just as God’s words say, “True faith in God means experiencing the words and work of God based on a belief that God holds sovereignty over all things. So you shall be freed of your corrupt disposition, shall fulfill the desire of God, and shall come to know God. Only through such a journey can you be said to believe in God.” Thank God! All the glory be to God!