#「 eli 」 — ❛ i should have been yours٬ you should have been mine. ❜

[angerworn]

 “i can’t make you want to be around me, eli. i never could. so i made myself unbearable.”

-------excerpts of morgan's old posts.

[ceesimz]

We're All We Need Today

Hey, long time no story! I'm back with this, something I had the idea for a long time ago but it was low on my list of favourites. Then I re-jigged it and re-worked it and now it's done! Everybody's favourite trope, or mine at least, angst to fluff!

It should have been just a normal Tuesday. A normal evening on a random day mid-week in May. Training for you both that ended just after lunchtime, before meeting up at Alexia's apartment early evening after the pair of you attended meetings or completed other pieces of work. That all went smoothly, it was perfectly fine.

Alexia shouldn't have looked at your phone without your permission though. She shouldn't have looked at your messages in the first place, nevermind doing it behind your back.

"I cannot believe you told your friends and did not tell me first!" Alexia shouted at you as soon as you walked out of the bathroom, your phone opened onto your friend groupchat in her hand.

"What? Alexia, what are you doing? Are you looking through my phone?" You cried out, marching over to snatch it back, but she holds it in the air out of your reach like a high school bully. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

"You told your friends without conferring with me first. You went behind my back and you know I didn't want anyone knowing!"

"You've gone behind my back too, looking through my phone! Why did you do that?" You jumped and grabbed your phone, confirming exactly what you thought.

She had gone through your phone whilst you were out the room, had clicked onto a chat with your closest friends who you trusted more than almost everyone in your life, and she had read just one message that said 'What does your weekend look like in sunny Barcelona? Any plans with A?'

"No, no. You aren't flipping this around. You swore to me-" She jabbed her finger harshly against your chest as she spoke. "-that you would not tell anyone until I said you could."

Is she for real right now? Who are you even talking to?

This is not the woman you fell in love with almost seven months ago. This is not the woman who used her captaincy as an excuse to get your number. This is not the woman who asked to be your girlfriend in such a shy and awkward manner as she stumbled over her words whilst eating dinner with you on her sofa. This definitely isn't the woman who cares for you how no one else has, nor is this the woman who loves you infinitely and shows it in ways you never could have thought possible.

This is a selfish, egotistical, self-centred, and downright cold-hearted person you do not recognise. The version of Alexia in front of you here is one you thought you'd never, ever encounter. Yet, look at the situation now.

"So, what, I have to run everything by you? I can't tell my closest friends possibly the biggest detail in my life? I can't tell them I'm in love and happier than ever?"

"No. Not now. We promised we wouldn't tell anyone, and you have betrayed me." Alexia huffed angrily, her hands on her hips as she turned away from you.

"I wanted to share this part of my li- you, with them! And, Ale, you've told Alba and Eli, why can't I tell my friends?" You moved to stand in front of her so you're facing her again, and she fixed you a disapproving glare with a jut to her jaw.

"Friends are different to family - I've never met these people! What are their intentions? I don't know, and I don't want them knowing private facts about me. That is why I'm mad." Alexia gritted her teeth as she spoke, fury swimming through her veins as her hands gripped her own hips so tightly you were sure there'd be bruises the next time she looked.

"What are you even saying? Do you hear yourself right now?" You scoffed, your anger almost tripling when the woman in front of you chuckled.

"Trust me, I hear myself. I also hear you denying everything, denying the fact you've outed our relationship, denying the fact you've broke my trust. Betrayed the one thing I asked you to promise not to do. Maybe you're the one who needs their ears checking, remember when I said 'let's wait some time to tell people.' Maybe you misheard me and thought I said 'how about we tell every fucking person in the city?' So yes, I hear myself. Very clearly, you don't have to worry about that."

You stared, glared, at her for a few moments, gobsmacked at the turn of events whilst also trying not to burst into tears. This is a situation you never thought would occur between you both, and the vile way she spoke to you paired with her foul accusations had you slipping on your shoes and leaving her apartment. And, possibly the worst part of it all? She didn't even try to stop you.

Why was it always about her, about what she wants, always on her terms?

What about your opinion? She didn't care to hear you out, and it sounds like she doesn't give two flying fucks what you've got to say. Alexia Putellas and her dense head coming into play again, only caring about herself and her legacy and what people say about her. You'd think that as someone who, to the public, seems so very secure and content in her position as the best women's player still in the game, that she wouldn't be so worrisome and out-right vile if there was a chance something wasn't going her way.

No, she wasn't like that with you at least, not at all. You hadn't been together long, but the secrecy and, what you inferred now as shame, seeped into your mind and with each step as you walked home that day, you grew more and more, not only utterly infuriated, but overwhelmingly perturbed at the prospect of just... everything.

Perhaps your whole relationship had merely been a fluke. Something Alexia didn't take serious in the slightest, and nowhere near serious enough for you to tell people about it. Maybe, at the end of the day, you were too much for her to deal with, and the only way the Catalan could cope was by keeping you behind closed doors. The theories your mind was coming up made you sick to the pit of your stomach, and it was a miracle that you made it to the bathroom of your apartment by the time you were emptying the contents of your body.

There was some kind of higher power watching over you, because this whole fiasco had occurred when there were two days off afterwards. It was coming up to the tail end of the season, and as the latter half of the month was jam-packed with tense games, you had planned to make the most of the time off. With a few social events scattered across the two days, you had been greatly looking forward to spending time with your teammates outside of the pitch, your friends, and at the time most importantly, Alexia. That all didn't seem enticing anymore, nor did it even seem possible.

For the time being though, as you stumbled your way out of the bathroom and fell into bed, the breakfast catch-ups and evening dinners were the last things on your mind. The only way you wanted to spend your time off, was wallowing in a trench of self-pity.

And that's how you found yourself in the gym of your apartment complex some fourty hours later.

Jab, jab, hook. Jab, jab, hook. Right hook, then a left uppercut, and another right hook to follow.

Punch after punch after punch after punch. There was no stopping you in this mindset. Not with the things your head was chanting, Alexia's words circling endlessly around your mind. They were what fuelled you right now, allowing you to lay into the punching bag before you with no second thought to the consequences.

And those consequences were sure to bring you a lot of pain later, in your hands that weren't wrapped up like they should, nevermind wearing gloves.

There was music playing through the earphones you had in, but for the life of you, you couldn't even register it right now. Your vision was blurred by pure rage, failing to recognise the cuts forming with every unrestrained punch and the bruises beginning to form along the bumps of each knuckle. You had tunnel vision on one thing and one thing only, and that was trying to dispel yourself of the all-consuming anger that had plagued you for almost two days now.

"Amiga! Basta, basta, hey." A soft voice broke through your trance as your earphones were delicately tugged from your ears. "Hey, you hear me?"

As your hands were gently taken ahold of by the figure to your right, you took a deep breath and leaned forward to rest your forehead against the bag. It was now that the woman beside you realised just how poor your breathing was, and she brought one of her hands to rub caringly up and down your back.

"Más despacio, relájate. Tómatelo con calma, vale? Relájate." Her voice soothed you a little, giving you the peace of mind you needed to set your breathing back to normal. "Are you with me?"

At that, you nod and take some more breaths before leaning up and taking in the person beside you. It was Mariona, who you shared the same apartment complex with, a fact you had forgotten about. In this moment, you weren't sure if you were thankful for that fact or if you resented it.

"Yes, with you." You wiped your face on the sleeve of your shirt before properly looking at her.

"Are you okay?" Mariona knew it probably wasn't the wisest thing to say, but for the moment as she collected her thoughts and did an internal assessment of the situation, it was more of a buffer than anything.

"Um, I guess there's no point lying, is there." You state flatly, the Spaniard smiling sadly at you and shaking her head. "Things aren't great... right now, so."

"Okay. That's okay." Mariona's smile was perhaps the brightest thing you'd seen, and with her looking at you the way she was, with so much care and a major lack of judgement, it was hard to reject the help she was soon to offer.

"Will you let me take care of you? I have a first aid kit in my apartment that I can use for these." She gestured down to your bruised and battered hands that were growing more painful by the second. "We can talk if you want, or you can at least let me patch you up and I can call somebody else. It's up to you."

You thought you knew what you wanted, and it wasn't this, but now that the offer is glaringly right in your face, your inner monologue urged you to fall to your knees and beg for assistance, for someone to scoop up all the negativity in your mind and lift the weight of it from your shoulders.

Isolating yourself from everyone, as you had done in the last days, wasn't healthy in the slightest, and rationally you knew the excuses you gave for doing so were completely unwarranted. Yes, you were the newest signing, and yes, Alexia was the captain and the glue of the team. However, that did not lessen your worth, you still deserved your spot on the team and you deserved to be treated with humanity. As Mariona had shown in the span of a few moments, your teammates wouldn't pick sides depending on how long you had and hadn't known people, and they certainly wouldn't treat you any less just because you had fallen out with - foregoing her team title - your girlfriend.

You were only human after all.

"I would appreciate that, thank you, Mariona."

Once more, the forward smiled politely at you and nodded, moving to wait at the door to the gym to wait for you as you collected up your things. Each movement of your hands had you grimacing in discomfort, a fact not lost on Mariona as she took the items, like your water bottle and your jumper, from you just to take the edge off a little.

You weren't too close with Mariona, you had gravitated towards the likes of Ingrid and Fridolina and Aitana when you joined (and Alexia, of course), but at the end of the day she was still your teammate and you often found yourself in a group with her in training since you were also a forward. The 28 year old was a hard-worker, yet she was also one of the most laid-back people you'd ever met, so in her presence it was hard not to allow yourself to relax even just a tiny bit. The aura that radiated off of her was oddly settling, and as you both made your way up to her apartment in relative silence, you were offered your first slice of serenity since that day not too long ago.

"Would you like a shower first? You look like you worked yourself hard in there." Mariona offered as she closed the door of her apartment behind you.

"No, it's okay, thanks." You gave her an awkward, tight-lipped smile, feeling somewhat embarrassed at having been caught in such a vulnerable moment - a moment when you were filled with such rage and negativity, that all you could do was lay into a harmless object like a woman possessed.

"Alright. Sit down at the counter, I will get all I need and be with you in a second."

With a sheepish nod, you complied and sat at the island counter in the kitchen, taking a moment to compose yourself before you knew an emotionally charged conversation was about to take place. You were tempted to take Mariona up on her offer to call somebody else, but honestly you were already exhausted and just wanted to get this whole situation off of your chest.

You'd been lugging it around for days now, encumbered by the weight of anger that, as time went on, was bleeding into exasperation and disconcertion because, in all honesty, you just wanted your girlfriend back. That was a little difficult though, because the woman in question was still being as cold as ever and for the life of you, you couldn't get a good read on her to figure out what her stand was on it all now. Whether she'd confided in Mapi or Irene or her sister or even Mariona, you had no idea, you just hoped there was still an ounce of her that cared for you in just a sliver of the way you did for her.

Though you hadn't seen or heard from her since that evening, her actions and her words were still fresh on your mind, and no matter how much time you spent mentally going through each doing of hers, it all made zero sense. In no way shape or form had Alexia portrayed such viciousness towards you, nor had she ever been so horrible and completely unfair in the time you had known her. Maybe it was a case of only knowing her for a short-ish amount of time, but her behaviour seemed so out of character that it set a feeling of uneasiness in your chest.

Hopefully, bumping into Mariona, someone who had been good friends with Alexia for a long time, would give you some insight into why the Barcelona captain had acted in such ways.

"Here we go. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but it is unfortunately a necessary evil in this case." Mariona purses her lips forgivingly as she pulls out two alcohol wipes that already have you wincing at the thought. "Are you ready?"

"Yep, just get it done with. Please."

You hold your breath as she rips open one of the packets, then you watch on as she takes hold of your left hand first and lightly runs it over and in between each knuckle. It hurts a hell of a lot, sure it does, but with the tenderness that the Spaniard treats you with, all you can focus on is trying not to burst into tears at the kindness you're faced with. Your mind has been anything but towards you, and the last proper human interaction you had that had been longer than a few brief minutes was your intense argument with Alexia. So this moment here was overwhelming, in many more ways than one.

"That's one done, your right hand looks a bit worse. Am I okay to carry on?"

Honestly, why couldn't you have fallen for someone like Mariona, instead of the ignorant, hot-headed woman you were in love with?

"Yeah, it's fine."

The silence between you both is weirdly not unsettling or awkward at all, instead it's relatively comforting and for the first time in days, your skin isn't crawling at the fact you're left alone with nothing but the sound of your endless cycle of thoughts.

The Spaniard standing beside you was correct, your right hand was indeed slightly worse off than your left, and that was only made more clear with each brush of the wipe, clearing away the blood only to show cuts in the divots of your knuckles and bruises covering the entirety of the right end of your hand.

"You have a good punch on you, ever thought about boxing instead of football?" Mariona joked, trying to uplift the heavy atmosphere in the room.

"No, wouldn't want to mess up this face." You replied, the forward laughing quietly and nodding.

"You are right, and football is much more easy to watch."

You supplied her with an agreeing smile, trying to hide your discomfort as she moved your hands around to assess the damage and make a plan of action.

"Okay, I think I will apply some antiseptic cream for your cuts and wrap them up with bandages. Then I will give you an ice pack for each hand, does that sound alright?"

"That's perfect, Mariona, thank you." You smile gratefully at her, and thought it's not a genuine smile, you hope she understands the appreciation you hold for her.

"It is not a problem. We look after each other at Barça, sabes? Anything you need, please do not be afraid of reaching out. To any of us."

And there is her segue into striking up the conversation you'd both danced around since she saw you.

You had to give it to her, she let a few moments pass by so it could come across as a bit less obvious, but nevertheless it happened just as you had expected.

"Are you comfortable talking to me about what happened in the gym?" She took note of the hesitation you greeted that question with, so she put the tube of cream down and faced you fully. "That was a bit concerning to walk in on, and I wouldn't be at peace with myself if I let you out of here without checking in on you."

"I... I guess, yeah." You sighed.

"Thank you. How would you like to start?" Mariona wondered with her ever-present smile, pairing it with a nonchalant shrug, further evidence of her care-free nature that continued to draw you in. "You can start talking about what is on your mind, or I can ask some leading questions to help. I am fine with anything, I just want you to leave here feeling a bit better."

Mariona had asked you a few moments ago if you had ever thought about boxing. Now, you wanted to ask her if she'd ever considered being a psychologist.

"I think it would help if you asked some questions, maybe." You decided, and she nodded instantly. She grabbed the tube of cream again and started applying it at the same time she uttered her first query.

"Do you normally practice on the bag without gloves on?" It was a very light one to start off with, perhaps something to be grateful for, but despite feeling a little calmer now, your mind was still in turmoil and wasn't fully recovered yet.

"No, I always wrap them up. I didn't even plan on using the bag today, it just... I was on the treadmill and then I saw it and wanted to use it. I wasn't really thinking straight, so. Yeah. This is the result of that." You took a sharp breath as the forward smoothed over a particularly bad cut with the antiseptic.

"Mhm. And, forgive me for this one, was it your intention to hurt yourself?"

That one took your breath a little.

"No, no, not at all. It wasn't even a thought in my head, I swear, I only wanted to get my anger out." You responded hastily, trying to convince her that you were relatively okay and that this was just a blip, and you didn't need some kind of intervention.

"Okay, thank you for being honest. I'm very glad to hear that, and I'll take your word for it." After finishing with your current hand, she squeezes it comfortingly and moves onto your other one. "Are you willing to tell me what's wrong? Why you needed to get some anger out?"

"Yeah... yeah, I am. I have to give you some context though, and I'd be really grateful if you kept it between us."

Mariona wasn't a gossip by any sorts, but as a result of the months of Alexia's words drilling into you of how nobody can know about you both, it was still an anxiety you had. Yet, the woman looking after you in such a heart-warming way was quite possibly the good samaritan you needed right now, her acts of kindness a reminder to not lose all hope with the world around you. You were well within your right to freak out in the way you had - not only were you in an entirely new city, learning a language you hadn't paid any mind to since school, but rather naively you had probably depended on Alexia more than you should have.

It was a lesson to be learnt, a mistake you wouldn't make again, though in the future even if you didn't recognise it yet, you'd look back on your time so far and wouldn't even regret it that much. After all, every moment of the past ten months had led you to the love of your life, and nothing was ever completely perfect. You would take a few bumps in the road if it meant you could end the season with a few medals around your neck and the greatest woman you'd ever met on your arm. Sure, you might not think the greatest of her right now, but you would mend it. You were sure you would. Hopefully.

"Of course, I won't tell a soul. You can tell me anything and no one will ever hear a word of it." Mariona reasurred you and though you hadn't really doubted her in the first place, you were still beyond grateful to hear that.

"So, um... Alexia and I have been in a relationship for a few months."

Yet again, Mariona continued to surprise you with how marvelous she was. Or maybe it was just an after effect of how much Alexia's words had got to you, because when the islander simply raised her eyebrows for a millisecond before nodding as you revealed your news, you're shocked at how much of a low-key reaction she gave. Whether she had an incredible poker-face or she just didn't care half as much as Alexia thought people would, your body sagged in relief at that minute response. As far as human beings go, this one right here wasn't too bad at all.

"And, for reasons I still don't understand, she was adamant that we keep it a secret. Like it was some kind of war tactic we had to keep safe. She made it out to be a make or break situation for us. But she told Eli and Alba less than a week after we made it all official, which I didn't think much of. I talked to her about it back then, wondering if it was just something she wanted to keep quiet while we were only in the dating stage, but she told me I still couldn't tell anyone. I guess because I was still relatively new here, with not many close friends and still with the mindset of trying to earn my place in the team, I agreed. Then as time went on I got a bit... annoyed with what Alexia wanted, but whenever I brought it up with her she would immediately shut the conversation down. I figured I could do it slyly, without telling her and without telling anyone any kind of intricate details of our relationship. So I took matters into my own hands."

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose at this point, knowing it was here in the story where things got quite rocky. Mariona had finished applying the antiseptic at this point and was now getting the bandages ready, prepped with the medi-tape beside her to secure her wrapping. With each new fact you unveiled, she nodded along in understanding, completely on the same page with you. She didn't understand the actions of her friend as of yet, wondering why on earth she'd be so intensely secretive about her relationship to the point of not telling a single soul, but those were thoughts she wouldn't voice yet.

Mariona herself was in a private relationship, and she was happier than ever in it. However, it wasn't a secret. Sure, she wasn't posting photos of herself and Lia all over her social media, but if you looked close enough the facts were clearly there. Plus, pretty much everyone in her personal life and Lia's knew about the pair of them, and nobody was fussed. So why Alexia was acting in this way, she didn't have a single idea.

"I told my closest, most trusted friends that I was in a relationship, and that the name of the person I was with began with 'A'. That was genuinely all I gave. I warned them not to nag me with guesses of who it was as that would break my own personal rules, because after all I didn't want to go behind Alexia's back more than I already had. Then... Alexia went through my phone. She saw that my friends were making plans in the group chat back home, and then they wondered if I had plans with 'A' over the weekend."

"She went through your phone?" Mariona questioned, in disbelief at the invasion of privacy you'd experienced.

"Yes, she did. The text flashed up on my lock screen while I went to the bathroom, and then she just went on my phone and looked through my messages. I don't know how in depth she went, but..." You shrugged, averting your gaze to your aching hands, ultimately defeated by now; by Alexia and her stubbornness, by your own mind, and lastly by the fact you had been so suddenly caught out by one of your teammates.

It was at this point that the numbness dispelled and gave way for shame, embarrassment, and a bit of anxiety. After all, you didn't know anyone from the team in depth, you were still just getting to know them, and the first thing you had done when you arrived was dive head first into a relationship with their captain. There was an endless possibility to the vast amount of opinions each person could hold for you and how they felt about your relationship (even though there was almost no way at all they could know about it), and as the silent seconds ticked by, it started eating away at you.

Though, somehow, in some magical, god-given miraculous way, Mariona saw right through you. And from now on, you were to make it your life mission to give back to this messiah in the form of an attacking footballer from the Balearic Islands of Spain.

"Hey." She tapped on the counter in front of you to get your attention, achieving that when you look up at her. "You don't have to... to get defensive with me. I can bet what you're thinking, and you don't have to worry about all those thoughts. I am neutral here, helping a friend. I will not go and tell Alexia or anyone about this, not if you don't want me to. And trust me, I am on your side. I have never heard of her acting like this, I am shocked and slightly outraged too."

That was undeniably relieving to hear, for a number of reasons. But for the most part, you were glad to hear that because for the past few days your mind had been trying its damn hardest to manipulate you into thinking this whole commotion was your fault, that you were the fault-line in the relationship that had caused this rickety earthquake.

No, that was no longer a worry, because here was possibly the human example of sunshine saying she shared your view and was just as displeased as you when it came to the Catalan's behaviour. Now, knowing you had at least one person on your side, this obstacle felt a little easier to climb over.

"I do have one thing I'm wondering." After a curious hum from you, she explained. "Is there anything you would like me to do in this situation? Like, bring it up with Ale? Because for both of your sakes, I want this to be solved in the easiest way possible."

Was it a good idea, judging off of Alexia's already toxic reaction to the point where she refused to hear you out? Most likely, but, not only did you think Mariona could teach her a thing or two when it came to human interactions, there was a small (actually fairly large) part of you that wanted to fight back against Alexia's unfairness by showing her you simply were not one to be trampled on.

There were two people in this relationship, and in this moment you realised that rank, longevity, and status in a football team were measly things to worry about.

"I think that would be a good way to start. Having someone knock some sense into her." You answered, quietly delighted when Mariona laughed momentarily at your words.

"I will try to do exactly that, for you. Promise." For the millionth time that evening, you found yourself completely under the influence of that goddamn smile.

"You're very good at communication. Unnervingly good." The hearty laugh you got in response forced the first genuine smile out of you all evening.

"Well, when you have a very emotionally intelligent girlfriend, you have to keep up."

"If you could give Alexia some lessons, I would appreciate that a lot."

"I will talk to her. Don't worry."

You left Mariona's apartment not too long after, both hands wrapped precariously and feeling significantly better than you did during that gym incident, finding solace in the fact there was now a fairly solid plan of action.

The only thing you could do now, was wait.

That was harder said than done, because for the rest of that day you didn't hear from Mariona at all. Nor did you hear from her before training the day after, and for the first time since you arrived, you were wracked with nerves as you walked into the building.

Not once during the whole session did Alexia glance towards you. Not once did she even acknowledge your existence. It drove you crazy, her acting as if you were invisible. As if she couldn't get anymore fucking immature. It took a lot of self control to not act like a petulant child towards her, desperate to piss her off in a quarter of the way she had to you, but you were better than that.

So when she rocked up outside your apartment later that day, with freshly dyed blonde hair that was styled in a frustratingly attractive way, a bouquet of chrysanthemums in one hand and a takeaway bag in the other, it took all of your strength to not slam the door in her stupidly hot face.

"What are you doing here?" You asked flatly, followed by a sigh that clearly indicated she was the last person on earth you wanted to see right now.

Well, with that haircut, maybe not the last person...

"I have a lot of explaining to do, I know that. And a lot of grovelling too. I was hoping you didn't hate me that badly to let me in." Alexia smiled sadly down at you, a slight shrug to her shoulders when she speaks.

Your mind goes back and forth for a few moments, briefly running through pros and cons of letting her in, before you decide fuck it, worst comes to worst you can show off your new boxing skills.

Eyebrows raised, you walk away from the door back towards your sofa, leaving her to wonder what to do for a moment. Ultimately, she decides to slowly follow after you once she'd softly closed the door. A quick glance around your apartment tells her you hadn't eaten yet, and she takes that as a small win before heading towards where you were seated.

"I brought your favourite takeout. Would you like to me dish it up?" She asks, a little disheartened when you shake your head.

"If you came here to talk, we're gonna talk." You state firmly, waiting expectantly for her to come sit with you.

She should have expected this really, knowing how royally she'd screwed it up with you and how disgusting she had acted. But hearing you speak so sternly was a bit unnerving, even if Alexia did recognise she more than deserved it.

A second later, she nods and places her items down on your dining table before making her way over to you. Rightfully so, she leaves some space between you both when she sits down, and you have to stifle a laugh as to not ruin your façade with how on edge she looks.

"Uh, so, me first, or..." Staying silent, you raised a daring eyebrow at her, thoroughly enjoying putting her through this slight torture. "Sí, okay, me first."

Anxiously, she wipes her clammy palms on her thighs. Then she cleared her throat, glancing at you periodically before taking a deep breath and starting her explanation.

"I am well, well aware of how bad I have acted towards you. I want to make that clear first. I acted like an idiot, to the worst degree. I was selfish, rude, I invaded your privacy, and I completely fucked it all up."

Hm, not too bad of a start.

"Congratulations, you took responsibility!" You responded sarcastically, fighting the urge to give her a round of applause too. Then you're fighting off a bubble of laughter at the nervous chuckle she gives before speaking again.

"I will regret my actions until the day I die. I promise you, I will never behave like that ever again. I've never been more ashamed of myself in my life, and knowing it's you who I acted like that towards makes it a hundred times worth. Because, you..." She shakes her head and waves her hands in the air like she's speechless. "You're you. You're the most selfless person I know. Your heart is something I do not deserve to have, because of how pure and kind and beautiful it is. You are so caring, and you love with every fibre of your being. Not only that, but you're so open, and I really admire that, because that is something I'm not. I'm... I'm ashamed to admit that even now I'm still anxious, and being secretive is how I've lived all my life. I want to be more open and care-free, I really do, it's just... hard for me."

With each word, each compliment, and each reason she gives, your hardened exterior towards her is slowly getting chipped away. You're not a grudge holder, it's not in your nature. And no matter how much you tried to fight it, it was inexplicably hard to not get wrapped up in her.

"Mariona... Mariona said you didn't even tell your friends it was me you were with. She said you only told them my name began with A, and that was it."

Alexia trusted Mariona of course, that was something that naturally occurred having known her for so long, but she wanted to get confirmation from you.

"I did. They don't know it's you I'm with." You told her, and if it was somehow possible, Alexia's heart shattered just that bit more.

"Well, I'm sorry, amor. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, it was really stupid and unfair of me. I really appreciate that you didn't break my trust, like I thought you had. I... that just shows how little I valued you. And I swear, that's something you'll never have to doubt again. I value you more than anyone in my life. I have a reason for why I was... more than reluctant to tell people about us. But I don't know if you want to hear it. I don't want you to think it's some flimsy excuse."

"Well, I mean, you may as well say it now." You scoffed, watching as she gulped nervously before nodding.

"My last relationship... with Jenni. That's why I'm so worried about telling people. Because even now, years after we ended our relationship that I would never ever want to go back to, people still talk about us, comment on our posts, make edits of us, and freak out about every little fucking interaction between us. It drives me crazy, even now, when I know I should not let it get under my skin, but it does and I can't stop it."

She shrugs dismissively as she talks, eyes cast down on her hands as she fidgets with the rings on her fingers. It's clearly a topic for her that's hard to discuss, and you want to reach out and take hold of one of her hands, but you don't want to distract her.

"When I was with Jenni, I was nowhere near as 'famous' as I am now. Now, I get the most vile and intrusive articles written about me, there are always cameras on me, paparazzi trying to figure out where I am at all times, and it really worries me because I don't want to involve you in that. If the media started writing things about you that were even just half as nasty as the things they've said about me, I would never be able to live with myself. It would eat me up, amor, I don't want you to go through that."

Okay, out of all the overthinking you've done in the last three days, your mind had not mustered up this point of view. This was undeniably sweet, a stark contrast to the way she'd treated you during the argument. You'd been with Alexia long enough to be more than familiar with how she acted on her anxieties in rather unhealthy ways for herself with harmful consequences for those around her as a result. Most likely, you realised, her recent behaviour was a demonstration of that very fact.

"And though those reasons shouldn't excuse my behaviour, because I should never have acted like that, I hope it gives you a tiny bit of insight into my head and allows you to recognise my actions came from a place of love, not malice. I showed it in completely the wrong way, but I swear to you from this moment on I will treat you better than I ever have, if you let me live up to that promise."

A shaky breath leaves the woman beside you, signifying the end of her ramble. And, to be honest, you'd forgiven her long before she finished speaking.

"Thank you for opening up to me. I forgive you, I do, but I won't forget how you treated me. If you ever show even a hint of that behaviour ever again, I'm out, Alexia, you must know that." You give her a clear warning, despite the fact your heart is crying out for you to just jump right back into her arms.

"I do know, I absolutely do know that." She seems to make the leap for you, as she shuffles along the sofa and gently takes ahold of both your hands. Your wounded hands. "Amor, what... what happened?"

Her voice is filled with concern, immediately overcome with nausea as a result of the worry she feels at the sight. However, that's nothing compared to the guilt she feels when you tell her what happened.

"Oh, um... an unfortunate run in with a punching bag not too long after our argument." You reveal sheepishly.

Alexia's heart drops. It drops from her chest, to the ground, through the core of the earth, and all the way down to China.

"This... this is because of me?" She whispers the question like she's terrified to utter the words. She's even more terrified of the answer.

"I guess. Yeah. I had to get my anger out some way, and I'm sure you're glad it wasn't your face." You try to joke, but it lands flatter than a pancake.

"Amor, I..." She can't find the right words within her to even attempt to apologise.

The great thing about mental health, was that 99% of the time you couldn't see it. That meant Alexia couldn't see the psychological damage she had caused you with her words.

But this, this was concrete evidence of just how much her treatment had affected you. She had done so much damage to your self-esteem, that you had no choice but to lash out to the point of injury. That, she feared, she would never get over.

"I guess Mariona failed to mention this part to you." Another pitiful attempt to lift the mood.

"She took care of you?" Alexia asked tentatively, the tiniest bit relieved when you nod.

In a split second, her arms were wound tightly around you as she tugged you into her lap. A rush of Catalan spilled from her, of which you gathered were words of apologies and sweet nothings to convey her intense regret. You didn't catch a word, not too familiar with the language despite playing for the pride of Catalunya, but you got the gist quite quickly and it didn't take you a moment longer before your arms were wrapped around her neck.

You were flooded with relief now that you were back in her hold, the embrace finally silencing the relentless voice in your head that had been going non-stop for days now. There were tears dripping onto your neck though, something that has you furrowing your brow and urging her to lift her head up.

"Ale, what's this for?" You asked, delicately wiping some of the tears that were overflowing.

"I just... I fucked it up so bad. So bad. Dios mío, you've ended up hurting yourself because of it. I'm just so sorry. I'm so so sorry."

Alexia falls apart then, breaking out into sobs that, though it's a rather a harsh thing to admit (not that you ever would, verbally) really exemplify her guilt and regret, and tie off her apology. You hate seeing her cry, hate seeing her so ruined, but all you can do now is hug her just as tight back and hope your words provide her some comfort.

"I forgive you, Ale, I do. My hands aren't your fault, it's a result of me not being sensible when letting my anger out. It's not your fault, mi corazón, not your fault at all."

You carry on spewing words of comfort for her until her cries finally subside a few minutes later. How she rubs at her eyes is something you find adorable, the way she does so reminding you of a young child. Your own hands follow her calloused ones, treating her with the same care she had complimented you on not so long ago. It warms her heart to no end, and it offers her a little reassurance of the fact you don't hate her guts.

"It's my fault a little bit." She mumbles, and there's a speckle of humour in it that you're not hesitant to jump on.

"Maybe a tiny bit." You whisper scandalously, smiling at the tearful laugh she lets out. "But I don't resent you for it. If I did, we wouldn't be in this position right now, okay?"

"Whatever you say, amor." Alexia nods, a semi-genuine smile on her face as she leans forward to rest her forehead on your shoulder.

"There's one thing I need from you for us to move past this." You state seriously a few quiet moments after.

She lifts her head up and nods vigorously, prepared to do just about anything you asked for if it meant she could love you for the rest of her life.

"I want to be able to tell people that are important to us. My family, my friends. Your family and friends. Our teammates. I'm not asking for us to go public on social media, I'm not asking for anything like that. I just want us to be more open. I want to be able to walk around Barcelona with you, like we did together when we started out dating. Because those moments with you, where you showed me your favourite restaurants and cafes and places special to you, they're some of my favourite memories with you. I just long for us to have a normal relationship, not one kept in the safety of our apartments behind closed doors. Because it's embarrassing and... and soul destroying being treated like I'm invisible. Just... treat me like a human fucking being in training, please? In public?"

It felt rather humiliating to be begging for such normal things, but that was the exact word you would use to describe this whole thing for you. Humiliating. To be treated like you had by, arguably, the sole person who shouldn't treat you like that, was something you never wished to experience again. Because, if you did? Well, there was simply no coming back.

But, you supposed, being in love was all about taking chances on people and relationships couldn't be built without a steady foundation of trust. That's all you could do now; trust in Alexia to nurture your heart like a delicate blossom where she cherishes every petal with gentle devotion.

"I will. Mi amor, I will do that and more. I will do anything you want me to, I promise that I will change my bad habits so that you never have to suffer at my hands again. I will love you like it's the last thing I'll do. You could never be invisible to me, you never were. From the first time I saw you, in your two-sizes-too-big Barça jumper on your first day, you've been everything but invisible to me."

Finally, the nail in the coffin to this whole ridiculous thing. And man, were you glad to see the back of it.

"As long as you don't embarrass me by one-upping me with your flawless free-kicks."

Despite the push to the shoulder you give her, you giggle and pull her back in for another hug. You'd been deprived of her embrace for far too long, and you planned to make up for it.

"I can't make any promises, unfortunately." You teased, grinning into the skin of her neck as her hands splayed out over your back, rubbing up and down comfortingly.

"I think I will take that." Alexia murmured, hugging you just that bit tighter before she leaned back. She moved her hands from your back to softly cradling your face, her eyes jumping from each feature to feature, trying to commit her favourite art piece in the world to her memory. Then, she met your gaze, and the sincerity and earnest present there was breathtaking. "We'll be okay?"

It was asked in such a vulnerable tone, you couldn't help but smile down at her.

"We'll be okay, Ale."

Going into training the next day, there was a spring in your step. Alexia had stayed over at yours the previous night, near enough refusing to leave. That meant she was wearing the same trousers as the day before along with one of your sweaters that, to your amusement, was evidently slightly too small for her as the cuffs ended just shy of her wrists. Call it your revenge perhaps, but as you both arrived at training together, chatting freely with content smiles on your face, it felt like a new leaf had been turned.

Alexia had made many mistakes with you, that she knew. She also knew she had no more chances, so she was going to try her absolute hardest to never act like such a fool again, even if it killed her. However, the shy smile on your face when she bounded up to you after Jona demanded the team to get into pairs for 1-on-1 practice, was enough proof for her to realise that it wouldn't be such a shame to go out of this world as a result of your love.

She almost came to regret that though when you handed her ass to her on a plate with each of your attempts to get past her. Because, quite frankly, you did embarrass her. Crossing her sides and body-checking her and out-skilling her each time was satisfying to no end, and it was exactly what you needed really. At one point, there was an ounce of worry that perhaps Alexia would be annoyed, but that dissipated immediately when she would laugh and slap her own forehead each time she was outshone.

That tiny speck of worry was completely forgotten about when, after the last attempt of the day, Alexia ran up behind you and lifted you up off the ground with her arms around your torso. Her mouth found its way to your ear as she took a few steps whilst carrying you, squeezing you tightly once.

"Never embarrass me like that again." She murmured jokingly, fighting back a grin as you laughed unabashedly in her hold. Afterwards, she put you down and moved to walk closely beside you, heading back to the main building as Jona called the end of training.

"You're the one that partnered up with me, Ale." You nudged her in the side with your elbow, gazing up at her with an adoring look that had Alexia's heart jumping in her chest.

"Maybe, but I only have one thing to say."

"What's that?" You hummed.

"Thank god for Mariona." She murmured, smiling as you giggled and nodded.

That smile was wiped off her face when an arm flung around her shoulders not a second later.

"Thank god for who?"

"I don't need your bragging right now, Mario, you're ruining a nice moment."

"I made this nice moment happen, Ale, you better thank me properly soon."

With that, the islander left just as quickly as she had arrived. When Alexia noticed the teasing grin on your face at the interaction, she shoved at your shoulder with a grumble under her breath.

"She really got through to you, then?"

"Oh, yeah, she beat my ass."

[gennyanydots]

Forced to go to the strip club

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x spitfire!wife

Part of the “Spitfire Universe”

Not necessary to read the other parts but helpful.

Summary: It’s Bob’s bachelor party and their babysitter cannot handle them. Reinforcements must be called in. Reinforcements are sleepy.

“Hello?” You say as you answer the phone sleepily. Who the fuck would be calling at this time? What time was it anyway? You went to bed way later than normal and you feel like you were pretty asleep so it’s got to at least be 2 in the morning or something.

“Is this Mrs. Hangman?” A male voice, that you don’t recognize, on the other line asks. You laugh at that. You didn’t realize when you married Jake you were actually gaining two new names instead of one. You were expecting Jake to be the one calling since his name came up on your phone when you looked for half a second before answering. Whoever this is must have gotten a hold of Jake’s phone somehow.

“Yes, this is she,” you say with a yawn.

“Hi, umm, this is Bob’s cousin. I was the designated babysitter tonight and umm I was told well uhhhh,” the man trails off, clearly trying to figure out how to describe whatever is happening to you.

“You were told what?” You ask. Tonight was Bob’s bachelor party. You figured that the squad would be getting into some sort of shenanigans, hence the need for a babysitter. You specifically didn’t ask any questions. You didn’t want to know. You also didn’t want to have to answer questions when you went out for the bachelorette party tomorrow night. So you knew literally nothing about what your husband and his friends were doing. Bob’s wife to be had come over along with Natasha and the three of you spent the evening watching trashy tv shows together while painting your nails and doing face masks to look your best for the tomorrow night. A girls night in before the girls night out. Plus, someone had to stay home with Eli and Radar. Jake’s on kids duty tomorrow.

The three of you ended up going to bed around midnight, way past your normal bedtime. Natasha passed out first on your couch before you lead Bob’s girl upstairs to the guest bedroom. Usually you try to go to bed at the same time as your son, you feel like you should have tonight since you knew he’d be up at 5 just like normal, only you would be the one getting up with him instead of Jake. You were not looking forward to that. Damn your husband for his early morning runs. You wish you would have taken Penny up on her offer to watch Eli tonight for you so you could have a stress free night in and a nice morning to sleep in tomorrow so you’re well rested for the fun.

“ Umm, you see, Bob told me earlier that if I uhh couldn’t umm,” the man trails off again. How long does this man expect this conversation to last? You have sleeping to do and you’re moving past being annoyed straight into being pissed off at this man.

You roll your eyes and huff, “Give the phone to Rooster.” You figure Bob’s cousin wouldn’t know who Bradley was if you used his real name. Bradley’s the easiest to distinguish from everyone else. Easy to spot.

“I don’t remember which one that is,” the man replies. Of course he didn’t. That would have been too easy for you.

You sigh, why did it have to be your husband doing something dumb, “Hawaiian shirt.”

“He’s drunk.” At a bachelor party? Shocking. You would have never guessed. You’re gonna lose it on this man. You really are.

“Yeah, I’m sure he is. He’ll at least tell me what’s going on without pussyfooting around so please hand the phone to the very tall man with a mustache wearing the obnoxious shirt before I start yelling at you and wake up my baby,” you say, very quickly losing your patience.

“Yes ma’am,” he says before you hear the background noise get louder until you hear Bradley say, “Why are you handing me a phone? I have my phone. It’s not mine!” to Bob’s cousin and then some mumbling.

Finally you hear Bradley say, “Hello?”

“Bradley,” you say.

“Hey! Hangman’s been talking about you! Hey Hangman! It’s your wife! Hi hangman’s wife. How are you? We miss you!” Bradley says, all a little too loudly.

You laugh, “Hi Bradley. I’m good. How are you? Miss you too.”

“I’m so good. I’m having so much fun. Not as much fun as your husband though.”

“How much fun is he having?” You ask.

“So much fun,” Bradley says laughing.

You roll your eyes, at least you’re getting farther than you had with Bob’s cousin. Bradley is at least answering you, “What’s he doing? Where are you guys?”

“He’s dancing on the stripper pole! Very badly. He’s bad at this. I’m sorry your husband can’t dance. I’ll teach him if you want. I’m surprised Coyote’s best friend is this bad at dancing,” Bradley says. You’re starting to hear a slur to his voice.

“It’s okay. He’s usually better when he’s not drunk like that,” you explain.

“He’s really, really drunk, me too, but he’s like bad really drunk. If he spins much more he’s gonna throw up. Gross. I don’t want to see that. We should have someone come get him,” Bradley says then you hear him gasp, “I should call his wife! She’ll come get him.”

You shake your head as you listen to him and wonder exactly how much alcohol is in his system, “I’ll come get him.”

“Oh my God did I call you with my mind?! I don’t remember calling you! I’m magic! I knew it!” Bradley says, excitedly.

“Sure Bradley, you’re magic. I need you to text me where you are so I can come get him, okay?” You ask.

“Okay. I gotta use my phone. This isn’t my phone. I don’t even know whose it is. The background is you and your son. Weird. That’s creepy. Honey, I think you have a stalker. I’ll protect you. Don’t worry. Nobody will get you or Eli on my watch. Uncle Rooster will protect you both!”

“My hero,” you say and yawn again. “Okay, Bradley take out your phone.”

You hear shuffling and then hear, “Okay. Done.”

“Good job. Now I need you to share your location with me.”

You hear a few taps then receive a notification from his phone then hear, “Boom! Crushed it!”

You laugh then smile, “Perfect. You did so good, Bradley. So proud. I’ll see you soon, okay? Don’t leave, none of you, until I get there. That poor man Bob put in charge did not sound like he had you all under control. Lord knows you’re all a handful and a half. Bye Bradley.”

“Bye bye!”

You hang up and stretch your arms over your head. This isn’t what you wanted to be doing. You wanted to sleep. You don’t want to go to a strip club to corral a group of drunk men, including your husband, and get them all to leave. This wasn’t your job. You weren’t on Dagger duty, and yet, here you were pulling on a pair of sweatpants and throwing on a sweatshirt to get in the car. Why wasn’t Pete babysitting? Unless he’s also there and drunk off his ass. Or maybe he’s sick of them after being with them all week and instead stayed home for some peace and quiet. Smart man.

You tiptoe into the guest bedroom and quickly but quietly wake the soon to be Mrs. Floyd to let her know what was happening. You couldn’t see well in the dark but you’re sure she rolled her eyes at the situation then held her hand out for the baby monitor. Thank goodness for friends who get it. You handed it to her with a quiet, “Thanks, I’ll be back soon! Hopefully.” before you quietly went down the stairs and slipped your feet into some flip flops.

You just grabbed your keys and wallet and stuck them in your hoodie pocket along with your phone. It felt weird not taking a diaper bag with you for once. You quietly went into your garage and open the door to get your car out. You really hope the noise doesn’t wake up Eli or Natasha who had still been snoring on the couch. You grab some water bottles from the garage fridge and toss them onto the front passenger seat as you get in your car and soon you’re on your way to the strip club. Thankfully it was only about 15 minutes from your house so it doesn’t take long for you to get there.

You park your car and climb out then head to the door. The bouncer looks at you funny but doesn’t question you as you hand him your ID. He checks it and hands it back as he tells you to have fun. You roll your eyes. Does it look like you’re there to have fun? You’re pretty sure your hair is a mess and you might even have pillow marks on your face still. If anything he probably thought you were some jealous wife coming down here in a blaze of fury but that’s not the case at all. You have no problem with strip clubs. You couldn’t care less that your husband is here. These women and some men potentially are just doing their job. Your only problem is you’re here when you want to be fast asleep. You’re pretty sure if the guys don’t immediately listen to you that the party is over that you’re going to have a full on temper tantrum. You’ve watched your toddler have enough of them so you’re basically an expert.

You look around and don’t find anyone who looks familiar. You spot a waitress and quickly walk over to her and ask where a bachelor party might be. She points you towards the VIP room and you thank her before heading in that direction.

There’s another bouncer in front of the door who stops you before you can enter and you just sigh, “Listen, you close in like a half an hour. It’s probably going to take me that long to round up all those guys in there and convince them it’s time to go home. Do you want to deal with their drunk asses and it take you three times as long for you to get them to listen or do you want me to do it and I’ll have them outta here in no time? Because if you want to then by all means go ahead. I’ll go back home and go back to sleep. My son is going to be up in like three hours. If you don’t want to then I’m gonna need you to let me through so I can collect them. I promise you I know them all. This is Robert Floyd’s bachelor party.”

The bouncer nods and holds the door open for you, “Yes ma’am. I apologize ma’am.”

You nod at him and walk in to a mess. There are guys everywhere. A couple you don’t know. One very scared looking man by the small bar. You assume that’s Bob’s cousin. You head over to the bartender, completely ignoring Bob’s cousin, and ask them to turn the room’s music off which they do as you stand on a chair you find. Once the musics off, immediately you hear a bunch of groans and hey’s and you roll your eyes. Whiny babies.

“Hey!” You yell to get their attention.

They all turn to look at you and you take the site in. Bob has a bra hanging from his neck and lipstick kisses on his cheek, you quickly take out your phone and snap a couple shots of that. Bradley’s Hawaiian shirt is inside out. Your husband is holding onto a stripper pole leaning backwards, couple pictures of that one too. Javy was getting a lap dance but the stripper stopped when you yelled, picture of that. Mickey was on Rueben’s back for some very odd reason, picture of that one. Logan and Billy were seated on a couch, double fisting some beers. And both Brigham and Neil have their heads down at the bar and you took a picture of that too. The men you don’t know were all scattered about amongst the others. You honestly expected worse but it didn’t sound like Bob’s cousin could handle anything worse.

When the men all see you there are excited shouts.

“Hangman! That’s your wife!”

“Baby!”

“Mom’s here!” (That one made you roll your eyes but you’re not surprised)

“Oh no! We got caught!”

“I know you!” (Yes Logan, you two have met many times.)

You shake your head at the lot of them.

You put a single finger to your lips until they all quiet down, “Okay, here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to do this step by step.”

The men all nod at you. Good. You didn’t feel like dealing with any defiant little assholes.

“First! Whatever dollar bills you brought with you for tonight need to be given to the nice ladies who took their clothes off for you. And you’re going to thank them for their time. Bob give back the bra.”

Bob immediately blushed bright red and the men all proceeded to follow your directions, even making sure to thank them. One man walked up to you and held his money out and you shook your head, “Not me you dumbass.” You pointed him towards one of the strippers and sighed, these guys are going to have to make it up to you. You’re taking an extra long nap tomorrow and someone had been watch your son. You feel something around your waist and look down to see your husband has wrapped his arms around you.

“Good job, now number two, you’re going to all cash out at the bar. Get your cards back. We’re not leaving our credit cards here. Make sure you tip,” you say gesturing to the bar.

Jake reluctantly lets you go before following your directions. This step takes them all a while and you end up sitting down on the chair until the bartender gives you a thumbs up and Jake is back to standing as close to you as he possibly can.

You stand back up and your husband wraps his arms back around you, “Okay third step, look around you for trash. If there are cups take them to the bar-“

The bartender interrupts you, “We can handle that. Don’t worry. It’s our job.” You shoot him a glare and he immediately holds his hands up in surrender and says sorry.

“- Like I was saying, if there are cups take them to the bar. If there’s trash there’s a trash can in the corner. We aren’t leaving this place a mess.”

The men all get to work quickly and it doesn’t take long before everything is picked up and vaguely looking clean. To get Jake to listen this time you had to push him off you and point at some trash before he sighed and picked it up and threw it away then returned to his spot.

“Fourth step, make sure you have your wallet, phone, and keys and/or anything else you brought with you. Like a sweatshirt or a hat.”

Everyone immediately starts patting their pockets and nodding. You tap Jake’s shoulder to get him to let go then sit back down and turn to Bob’s cousin, “What was the plan for afterwards. Are they going somewhere? Is there a way to get them to wherever?”

Bob’s cousin shrugged, “We rented a limo to get here and I think the plan was to Uber back to wherever you were staying for the night.”

You shake your head at him, “You think or you know? You’re the worst babysitter. You should know the plan.”

Bob’s cousin hangs his head and apologizes.

You look around before finding Bob and quickly yell his name, gesturing for him to come over to you.

“Hi, Mzzz Hangman. Whass zup?” He says slurring this words.

“What are you doing after this?” You ask.

He scrunches his face for a minute or so before going, “Oh! Theresssa limo to take us to tha hotel and then we go to sleep and then brunch and then more sleep at homes.”

You laugh listening to him, “Thanks. Knew I could count on you.”

Bob beams at the praise.

You stand back up, once again Jake holds onto your legs, “Fifth step, nicely walk out to the limo and get in to go back to the hotel. Mr. Competent over here,” you point to Bob’s cousin, “Will give you further instructions when you accomplish that. I better get a good report for him or I’m gonna be mad at you all!”

That ones followed by most of the men saying a quick, “Yes ma’am.” before they started their journey to the parking lot.

You stop at the little bar and leave Bob’s phone number with them in case anything gets left behind.

You follow after the others and stop at the limo to make sure they’re all accounted for, which they are, except one. You look over at your car and see Jake leaning against it with his hands in his pockets.

You turn to Bob’s cousin, “Do not lose them. Have them drink water. Get them straight to their rooms. They should all pass out. I’m taking mine with me so you have one less. You’re lucky.” You turn to the others, “Be good! I want a good report saying you were on your best behavior!” You’re answered with a bunch of giggles as you pat the top of the limo and shut the door.

You unlock your car and watch Jake scramble into the passenger seat. You laugh and walk over, getting into the driver seat, “Did you think I wouldn’t let you come home?”

He shook his head and pouts, “I don’t wanna play with my friends anymore. I want my wife. I want to sleep in my own bed. I want my puppy. I want my baby.”

You laugh and lean over to kiss his cheek, “My poor, sweet husband, forced to go out and spend time with his friends. Didn’t have any fun. Definitely didn’t enjoy getting drunk and seeing mostly naked women.”

His mouth breaks out into a goofy grin, “That was nice but I would much rather see you mostly naked because then I could just make you the rest of the way naked.”

You laugh and shake your head, “Okay, let’s go home. If you want your baby so much you can get up with him.”

Jake perks up, “I can?! I miss him! We’re gonna play so much!”

“You say that now. When he wakes up in two and a half hours you’re going to be so sleepy,” you say as you start the car and start driving home.

Jake shrugs, “Worth it. I’m sleeping with the baby monitor. I’m getting up with my baby. I don’t care what sleepy Jake says. I promise I’m getting up.”

And surprisingly that’s exactly what sleepy Jake did in three hours when your son woke up. How nice of him to sleep in a half hour.

The bachelorette party

[yooniesim]

So, I may be a day late, but I still want to make a little post for Simblr Gratitude Day 💜

To start off, my memory is pretty bad, so I just know I'm gonna miss tagging people... and honestly, there's way more people on here I'm grateful for than tumblr's limit of 50! So I'm starting out addressing everyone.

To everybody that likes or reblogs my posts, sends comments or asks, shares their sims with me, or uses my cc: I love you. Yes, you! I may be bad at answering back sometimes, but I cherish every interaction I get- a lot of the times they have me kicking my feet and giggling, or sometimes I'm barking and scaring my cat. Asks really make my day and even when I don't reply so fast, they warm my heart. Asks I've gotten on here have genuinely helped me in my dark times, and renewed my faith in this community as a whole, because some of you are just so freaking amazing and kind. Especially now with everything I've been going through, sims and being here has remained a comfort for me because of you all. Even if there's speed bumps from time to time, I truly believe there's more good here than bad, and y'all should be proud of yourselves and your capacity for endless kindness. Thank you!

Now, I'm going to address a few specific precious people I'm grateful for.

@wastelandwhisperer - Moon, my precious mom friend, I adore you. The joy, comfort, and hilarious memories you give me can't be understated. You deserve all the love and light in the world.

@neverheresims - God's eepiest soldier, what would I do without you? Thank you for always being genuine, reliable, and a true friend.

Vi - Thank you my sheriff, my paggro detector, my master of copypastas, my right hand catboy. Even though you're untraceable, I couldn't leave you out. I love you!

@divinedionym - Thanks for always being straight with me and taking NO shit. I truly admire you and your attitude, friend.

@dyoreos - We may not both be active at the same time anymore, but I still think of you, friend! You've always had my back and I'll always have yours.

@nucrests - I'm so grateful to be your friend, and every time you share your beautiful content and gorgeous sims with me, it really makes my day. I adore you.

@cinamun - You probably don't know this, but in certain times when I was feeling low, your comments and kindness really lifted my spirits and made me feel like I belong. You're a lovely person and deserve all the love you receive, friend.

@woosteru - You won't see this bc you're retired so I can be sappy as I want, so there!!! I adore you, your sweet personality, and your sense of humor that matches just right with mine. (Nobody tell them)

@superflare - Lulu, you're an incredibly creative and intelligent person. I can tell you're going to go far in life and do great for the world. Be proud of yourself, always!

@fiftymilehighclub - Thank you for always being yourself, Manda! You're such a hardworking person that's kind but firm with your opinions and what matters to you. You're amazing.

@nicatnite88 - Tay, you're someone that's always empathetic, understanding and kind, yet hilarious at the same time. I look up to you as a person and admire your skills as a parent.

@pluto-sims - What do I say about Eli? Despite being unfortunately bri*ish, you've exceeded expectations in all other areas as a friend. I genuinely appreciate your presence and kindness in my life.

@bloody-soda - As one of my longest and dearest mutuals, peachy, my love for you can't be understated! I think of you whenever I see cute meme pics lol and you're so lovely as a person.

@wubblesgonefishin - Beautiful wubs, you're such a wonderful person with so much love to give! My day brightens every time I speak with you and I'm so glad you're back.

@toastie-sim - Meg! One of my few brain cells, I don't know what I'd do without you! You're so helpful all the time and unbelievably patient. I appreciate you.

...Phewph. Now that that's o- wait. You thought I was done??? Nuh uh, the king of long ass texts posts is not done that fast. Here's some more beautiful people I'm grateful for and love seeing grace my dash 💜

@simandy @void-imp @therichantsim @adelarsims @marsosims @shysimblr @1-800-cuupid @xldkx @xiuminuwu @hexcodesims @cassymblr @lotusplum @rebelangelsims @denzellion @strawberrylattesims @anachrosims @cowplant-snacks @fierce-trait @simanin @ghostwoohoo @llama-head @aghilasims @janjumjam @jellyfish-tea @bbdoll @puppycheesecake @mwvwv-sims

[randonauticrap]

Silent Letters to My Beloved

Pairing ~ Rio Ortiz x GN Reader

Word Count ~ 1.5k

Author's Note ~ This fic is my gift for the lovely @eli-chika in @ikemenlibrary's "My Ikemen Valentine" Gift Exchange! I truly loved being able to write this fic for you. It's been awhile since I've written for Ikemen, and even longer since I've written for Rio, but I hope I did him justice for you and I hope you enjoy! <3

(Ps. I also totally made up the dates because I have zero clue when ikepri is meant to take place lol)

Darling Love,                                                                                     11-08-32 

My sweetest dear one,

My heart,

When you rescued me, my world stood still. Who I was before the moment your hands touched mine was of no consequence anymore. I was yours, heart, body, and soul. Through the years, you taught me how to open up again; how to learn and take in the beauty of the world again. I learned how to love from you. The man who feared losing everything came to realize that he had never even known of "everything" until he knew you. 

I don't know why I'm confessing here, in this letter you will never read. I must seem quite foolish to you. Here you are, a bright and shining light, surrounded by those who shine almost as brightly as you do. The princes of Rhodolite are noble and kind - well, most of them - and you even outshine them at the center of it all. I can't even hope to hold a candle's worth of light to the beauty you radiate. Perhaps my purpose in this life is to stand behind you, just out of sight, and make sure you never suffer a single inconvenience. Honestly, it doesn't sound like too terrible of a fate: getting to stand close to you wherever you are, basking in the loveliness that is you. 

Sometimes I just wish…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My sweet,                                                                                             11-17-32

I see the way they admire you, the curiosity and interest in their eyes. It shouldn't bother me. I should be able to keep myself contained as your butler and your… friend. But the way you smile back at them is enough to cast a shadow on even my brightest of days, and will tie my heart in uncomfortable, messy knots without any effort. I am not a man worthy of your affection, I know this. However, I can’t seem to force these feelings away. I saw Prince Leon taking your hand today, and leading you to the training grounds. He looked so happy to have your hand in his; I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t find otherworldly joy in it, so at least he responded appropriately. The pleased blush that spread across your face when his hand closed around yours pained me with the heartbreaking guilt of a man who loves you, but also desperately wants you to be happy - whether he is the one to make you so or not. 

This jealousy is proof I can never deserve you. You are better off with a man like Prince Leon at your side. I will stand behind you to make sure you stay smiling throughout your journey. I swear it, to you and to myself, I will only cry where you cannot see it. You will never know my heartbreak. You deserve better than that.

~ Rio

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My friend,                                                                                            12-10-32

You look so beautiful in the red outfit Prince Leon gifted you. It falls so beautifully around your frame and compliments you well. You will look so regal by his side that no one will question your place there! I know you worry; I see it in your eyes and the way a near-permanent crease sits between your lovely eyes, but you don’t need to. Just carry yourself the way you do in town, and in the bookstore. You’re so confident and sure of yourself there; at home. I miss when you seemed at home, when you were comfortable… when we were-

“Rio!” 

The call from the door, along with hurried knocks had him jumping from his seat like he’d been stung and running to open it for them. “MC!” he yelped, his journal so visible and open on the table behind him filling him with so much momentary panic that he didn’t realize they were crying at first. But at the first sniffle, his attention snapped to their face where tears were falling in crystal tandem onto their lovely clothes. “MC, what’s wrong? Come in, sit down, I’ll get you a cloth! Was it Prince Leon? I don’t care if he’s a prince of Rhodolite or not, I’ll have his head if he hurt you-!”

“Rio!” they cried louder and he silenced, looking helplessly at them. They sniffled again. His heart clenched at the sound - the worst sound in the world, he thought, the sound of their pain. “I embarrassed myself.” sniff “The whole ballroom turned to judge me. They’re still talking about me, I’m certain.” sniff “I can’t show my face in that room again!” 

“No matter what happened, if they judged you, they’re the ones who should be ashamed!” Rio flamed, his hands coming up to frame their shaking shoulders. “Where is prince Leon? Did he not follow you?” he asked, despite himself. 

“I don’t want prince Leon.” they huffed. “He’s nice, and sweet, but-” sniff “He isn’t you, and I want you.” Rio’s heart stuttered into a wild rhythm at the possible implication of their words, but he shoved his hope to the pit of his stomach where it belonged; this wasn’t about him, it was about them. And he would be anything they needed him to be. So he put on his best face and nodded, pulling them into his embrace where they easily fell and curled around him. ‘It feels like coming home.’ he thought as he backed them both up enough to gently shut the door behind them and wrap his arm back around them, his hand finding their soft locks and stroking them tenderly. They wetted the shoulder of his undershirt with their tears, but he didn’t care. What was a shirt in comparison to them? The shirt was made better by having touched them, if anything. 

“Want to sit down?” he whispered into their hair and they nodded after several seconds more of sniffling, so he maneuvered them towards the short couch next to the fireplace in his room and made to ease them down into the seat gently, but they tugged on his arm, pulling him down with them. He let out a gasp of surprise as they settled sideways on to the couch and pulled him over top of them. 

“Please, Rio. Just- just hold me.” they whispered into his neck as he lowered himself gingerly down on top of them, hovering just above them to keep from possibly hurting them. However, they wrapped their arms firmly around his back and drew him close, rendering his efforts futile as he was forced to relax against them. He felt them sigh and relax into him, their nails beginning to scratch up and down his back, sending electric shivers through his entire body. 

“Are you sure I’m not going to hurt you?! I’d never forgive myself if-”

“Rio, it’s fine.” they murmured, stopping him short. Their voice was subdued now, a comfortable haze enveloping them in warmth, and Rio let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, letting himself nuzzle into their neck. “I love having you close.” they whispered softly. “You feel like home.”

His breath caught again, this time full of the words he was too much of a coward to say, so he propped up on his elbow instead to look down at them, hoping the love in his eyes was enough to get the message across. Something must have reached them, thankfully, because they met his eyes with the same ardor echoed back to him and he swore his heart stopped beating. “You do too.” he finally croaked out, shocked that any words could form on his lips at all. They brought their hand up to his cheek, letting their fingers brush against his soft skin, the tiny blond hairs there tickling their fingertips as they followed the path of his cheekbone back to his ear and then to his fine blond locks. Their eyes followed the path of their fingers until they were out of sight, lost in his hair, then traveled back to lock with his. 

“Rio,” they muttered breathlessly.

“Y-yes?” he said, hardly trusting his own voice to work the way it should. 

“Kiss me.” 

.

.

.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Dearest Fiance,                                                                            5-25-33

You grow more exquisite as each day passes, and I can’t believe I get to be the man to stand by your side. My proposal was so swift after we became lovers, I worried you wouldn’t say yes. But I couldn’t bear to wait any longer, and my heart is far too full knowing you feel the same! I know you enjoyed your time at the palace, but I’m so glad we’re back at the bookstore, home. Although, I know for certain that wherever you go would be home enough for me. If one day you decide to travel across the sea, I’ll be there beside you, ready to take on the world as your husband. With you, my love, I can take on anything. Thank you for loving me, I will never believe I deserve it, no matter the number of times you tell me. And I cannot wait to fill this journal with our adventures together. No more heartbreak, only love. Forever love. 

~ Your loving fiance, Rio

[jerzwriter]

Thank you, Anon for this ask from this list! I kept it under 1,000 words and I'm SO proud of myself! :)

Story: Wake the Dead Trope: There's only one bed... Characters: Troy Hasan & Eli Sipes Rating: Teen Words: 790 Summary: When Troy delays their return to Olympus, Eli finds them a place to spend the night, but not without some mishaps.

Participating in @julychallenge - Friendship and Fun. This is also based on @creativepromptsforwriting's "There's one bed" prompts. The prompt requests are bolded below.

Great!” Eli threw his hands up in disgust. “Just freaking great.”

Troy, running about five meters behind, panted as he neared the top of the hill. Peering over his friend's shoulder, he shrugged. “Yep, there was a bridge there. Was.”

Eli tried to control his temper. He had promised Zoe he would be ‘good’, though she never made him define what good meant. “The bridge might still be there if we had gotten here before high tide,” Eli growled. “But no... you just had to waste our time going back to that store that I told you had already been picked over.”

“Watch your mouth!” Troy defended. “Are you saying this isn’t a treasure?” He held up a small plastic replica of Rocket Raccoon.

An impish grin came to Troy's lips, but Eli didn’t miss the gulp or the fear in Troy’s eyes. “It’s OK,” Troy smirked. “Rocket will protect us.”

Eli shook his head. “That’s nice, we’ll write that on your grave.”

“So... how do we survive a night of camping out in the woods?” Troy asked nervously.

Eli’s eyes locked on his, his expression flat. “We don’t.” He pulled out a compass and pointed to a clearing in the woods. “Fortunately for you, an old trading partner of mine lives not far from here. If we can get to his place before nightfall, I’m sure he’d put us up for the night.”

“Well, then I say we get walking.”

They arrived at the nondescript storefront that served as home for Eli’s acquaintance, Horace, just before sunset. Though he didn’t have much to offer, he was happy to share what he had.

“There’s a room upstairs, it’s not much and hasn't been used in ages, but you’re welcome to it,” the toothless old man offered.

“As long as no drones are waiting to make us dinner, we’ll take it,” Troy grinned.

“Ah, you’re safe from them here,” Horace said with confidence.

“That’s a fact,” Eli confirmed. “Horace taught me all about setting traps. Just make sure you relieve yourself for the night before going to sleep. If you get up to pee during the night, the zombies won’t get you – but one of his booby traps might.”

“For some reason, that makes me feel better already!”

The two men climbed the rickety old staircase that led to a small room that was once used for storage. When the door creaked open, a layer of dust fell from its rim, distracting Troy momentarily as Eli mumbled under his breath.

“Well, it’s not the Ritz-Carlton,” Troy joked. “But it will do.”

“Sure,” Eli shrugged, pointing to a weathered mattress on the floor. “Look, one bed is one thing, but only one pillow and one blanket?”

Troy playfully tossed his arm over Eli’s shoulder. “Aw, now I can honestly tell Zoe I kept you safe and warm all night.”

Eli pushed him off with a reluctant chuckle, and the two of them did their best to find comfortable positions to sleep in.

“Maybe we should just take turns sleeping,” Troy suggested.

“Fine, you want first shift? Because I can barely keep my eyes open.”

“On second thought...”

“That’s what I figured,” Eli smiled, quickly drifting off to sleep.

When he woke up the next morning, Troy was seated on a chair looking out the window, an unusual look of disdain. Eli yawned through a stretch and rose to his feet. “What’s the matter with you? Didn’t get enough rest, Sleeping Beauty?”

“How could I?” Troy insisted. “I don’t know how Zoe sleeps with you! You snore, you pushed me off the mattress at least twice, and then you stole my blanket and fought me for it!”

“Your blanket?” Eli asked with a raised brow. “Last night, that was our blanket, sweetheart.”

“I hate you right now,” Troy groaned. But his mood lifted when a delicious aroma wafted up through the floorboards. “What’s that?”

“Horace said he’d be making breakfast. Did I mention he was a gourmet chef before the outbreak? Prepare to eat well before we head out.”

“Nice,” Troy grinned.

“So, not only did I keep your ass safe last night, I’m giving you a post-apocalyptic bed and breakfast experience to boot. Do you still hate me?”

“Of course not,” Troy winked. “And when we get back to Olympus, I'm telling Zoe, we're officially engaged!”

@choicesficwriterscreations

Tagging others separately.

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

I swear rank is gonna get me in trouble lolol and fuck tht asylum map i never see it!

Rated Explicit | Warning: ploy ship of josecarl x reader

You know that texture! You grip the edge of the counter in front of the monitor in the security room in the White Sand Street Asylum.

This is not a place you have ever seen before and others tried giving directions and tips about this place, but it is a large map. Rarely is it used, but the match is here today. Along with a selected group forced to wear costumes for this match.

Aesop, Norton, Eli, and you all dressed like patients of this time. You suspected Joseph would also have an outfit to match this weird theme.

The Hunter is dressed like a doctor which is actually scary to think about if this was an actual running hospital with Joseph as the medical director, oof.

“Enjoying yourself?” He knows answers based on how tight and wet you are from him only teasing your clit with these gloves. “So needy.”

You try not to lose focus on where the last survivor is.

Hard to do as Joseph is behind you on his knees fingering you with gloves that are exactly like Aesop’s gloves.

“Perhaps we should turn on the intercom to tell the grey little mouse you are fine.”

You whimper, tears in your eyes from overstimulation. He has been toying with you since eliminating Norton and Eli, his attention immediately going to you the second he got Aesop to use his coffin to save himself.

“Only one cipher completed, quite the unlucky match for them,” Joseph says as the monitor screen switches to normal multi-camera view showing the Embalmer running around trying to figure out his location in this maze of mental hell.

“Please, please, merci!” Crying out as he brushes against that lovely sweet spot inside of you, curling and abusing the spot he knows too well.

“I taught you one word and you use it well, mon chéri.” 

“Gl-gloves!” Trying to form words.

“Something I added to be… Immersive. Seems you rather like them with how wet you are.”

Because it feels like Aesop's gloves! You found comfort in those things, it is that texture you often feel holding your hand or face when he kisses you with his mask on.

“Joseph, ah, Aesop…”

“Should be here soon after he finishes the final cipher.” Pulling his fingers out and standing up, “Speak his name.” Leaning over you to turn on the intercom, “Nice and loud for our grey little  mouse.”

The cry of his name in a long moan as Joseph fucks you in the monitor room is so shameful, your cheeks burn and your mind is becoming numb.

Though this relationship with Aesop includes Joseph as a third to assist in your sexual needs, you both realize Joseph can have moments of… Being rather… You are not sure what to call them outside of inspiration.

Fucking you while he knows Aesop can both hear and walk into the sight of you being an absolute mess.

“No, no, his name, not mine.” Correcting you after slapping your ass, “Good.” As you chant Aesop’s name.

The gloves, the texture of his pants, the sterile clean smell of that costume.

It is not hard to picture Aesop, that is Joseph's intention as he knows you would always want the other but respect his boundaries. Thus why Joseph is the third, he can satisfy himself with you and enjoy a comfortable consensual voyeurism.

“They're going to cum, Aesop.” Speaking up, pass your babbling nonsense, “I shall leave them at the exit gate closest to this location.” So calm as if he is not railing you much for his enjoyment.

When you cum it is your lover’s name on your tongue, not Joseph’s, your legs giving out and he pulls out to watch you fall to the floor with his cum staining the already unclean floor.

[multifandom006]

New Man in town

Joel Miller x Single mother Reader

warnings: SMUT(ofc) Hair pulling, praise, slapping, Joel and his filthy mouth, rough sex, soft!dom Joel, some angst mentions of abuse (abusive ex husband) DAD JOEL!!!!!!

He was new in Jackson, you haven't met him but you've heard the women talk about the new guy. You come to learn that his name is Joel Miller, Tommy's older brother and he came here with a girl, she was about the same age as your daughter Avery.

walking along side Maria talking about the town and the kids ''So have you met Joel yet?" Maria asked, you shook your head no ''Nope but Avery has made friends with the girl he came with'' you replied ''ah yes, Ellie. she's a funny kid'' Maria said ''but I think you should meet Joel he's nice once you get to know him'' she added, you smiled ''I'm not sure Maria'' you replied kicking the snow under my shoe ''I haven't been on a date since..'' you look at Maria ''I know but I'm not saying go on a date with him, how about this come to mine and Tommy's tonight bring Avery, Joel is coming over as well and he will most likely bring Ellie so the girls can hang out while us adults can mingle'' Maria said with a hopeful smile so you cave ''fine we will come'' you said ''great, come around 7-8, but I have to go check on the horses and make sure Jesse and Dina have done the cleaning properly'' Maria said ''alright I'll see you later''.

When it was time to head over to Maria and Tommy, you felt bundle of nerves hit you like a train ''Mom lets go!'' Avery said standing by the door. You and your daughter headed off to Maria's and you listened to Avery talk about her day with her new Friend Ellie.

The two off you arrive and were greeted by Tommy ''hey girls! come on in'' he said stepping aside to let you two inside, when you walk in you spotted Joel sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand ''Ellie!'' Avery yelled happily to see her friend ''Avery!'' Ellie came over ''Hi ma'am'' Elie said ''Please, call me Y/N Ellie, and I've lovely things about you'' you said giving the girl a warm motherly smile.

The two girls went off outside to hang out while the adults sat in the living room ''Joel I don't think you and Y/N have properly met'' Maria said and looked between the two ''Hi'' you said softly 'he's really handsome' you thought ''Hi Y/N'' Joel said giving his charming smile.

from then you and Joel became great friends but secretly the two of you wanted more, so much more, one day you and Avery were on your way to Joel's place so the girls could hang out together, You knock on the door and was greeted by Joel and his gorgeous smile ''come on in'' he said and the two girls walked inside and Avery and Ellie went off to Ellie's little hang out in the shed leaving you and Joel alone ''those two girls are practically attached to the hip'' Joel said causing you to laugh softly, and hearing your laugh made Joel smile ''you want some coffee?" Joel asked ''please'' you answer and made your way over to the couch while Joel went into his kitchen to make himself and you some coffee.

Joel brought over your mug and sat beside you ''thank you'' you said talking the mug ''no problem Darlin'' he said and drank his coffee, hearing the nickname he gave you caused heat to form in your cheeks and between your legs ''if you don't mind me asking, were is Avery's dad?'' Joel asked you sigh and put the mug down ''he died a while ago'' you replied ''shit...sorry I didn't-'' you cut him off ''Joel its fine..he was a piece of shit'' you said and Joel looked at you waiting for you to continue ''his name was Alan..he was abusive and so cruel to Avery'' you said and looked down ''he'd hit me for no reason till I was begging him to stop...sometimes he'd make her watch and say 'this is what will happen to you if you don't do as your told' '' after you finished Joel grabbed your hand and held it ''you did NOT deserve that sweetheart'' He said with a soft husky voice, you stare at Joel and your eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips ''i...I would never treat you the way he did..'' Joel said scooting closer gently placing his hand on your cheek ''Joel...' you whispered ''let me prove it to you'' he said and before you knew it Joel had kissed you, his lips were soft and the feeling of sadness just washed away, you kissed him back and put your head against his ''lets take this upstairs'' Joel whispered and before you could reply he lifted you up and took you up to his room.

The two of you made it to Joels room and both already started getting undress ''get on your hands and knees'' Joel said and you did as he said and he groaned at the sight of your wet cunt ''did I make you this wet?" he asked placing his hands on your ass, you nod ''y..yes'' you mumbled, Joel sent a slap to your ass causing a moan to escape your lips ''I couldn't hear you say that again'' Joel said ''yes Joel.. you made me wet'' you said ''Good and I'm gonna make a mess of this pretty pussy'' Joel said and pushed his thumb on her clit ''oh..fuck'' you moaned softly as he rubbed the sensitive nub, Joel teased the fuck out of you ''Joel please please just fuck me'' you begged looking back at him ''I will sweet thing I will'' he said dropping his jeans and rubbing his hard cock between your soaking wet folds, before you knew it Joel had pushed himself into you ''Fuckkkk your cunt is so god damn tight'' Joel said and started thrusting into you hard, you bit down on your Lip and hid your face in your arms but Joel wasn't having that, he reached over keeping one hand on your hips and the other into your hair grabbing a fist full pulling you back ''dont you even think about hiding those moans, I wanna hear how good I'm fucking you'' he said and you nodded letting out your moans as Joel fucked you harder. Joel gave your ass a hard slap ''fucking pretty pussy taking my cock, such a good cunt'' he said as he held your hips tight the two of you grew close to cumming ''Joel..Joel m'gonna cum'' you mumbled out being fucked dumb ''me too sweet girl, me too'' he said moving faster ''cum inside please Joel I want it inside'' you begged ''shit..ill cum in you baby'' Joel said and went to town before cumming with you, you and Joel panted heavily.

Joel pulled out and helped clean you up, the two of you laid in bed and you rested your head on his chest ''i....I love you Joel'' you said softly and Joel looked at you ''I love you too Darlin'' he said kissing your head.

a couple years went by and you had it all, you watched as Joel taught Avery how to play the guitar and you helped Ellie with some homework she was given. You had your family, it was all you needed.

[smilingformoney]

Sharing Part II | Eli/Reader/Lionel

A follow-up to Sharing from Rickmas 2023. There will be more, because I am depraved. Thanks as always to @snowblossomtumbles for enabling me 🙂

Read on Ao3 or below the cut:

Ever since you’d attended Lionel Shabandar’s Christmas party in London together, your relationship with Eli had changed. He came to your office more often whereas previously he’d text you to come to his. The texting had changed too; what was previously a message history of commands to come to his office or his lecture hall was now a series of flirtatious messages and even dick pics.

Not that you were complaining. Eli was an asshole, no doubt about that, and you understood completely why his wife left him. And when he was neither with you nor teaching, you were certain he was fucking another one of his students. But you didn’t care about that. His cock was almost as big as his ego, and damn if he didn’t know how to use it.

And if Eli’s extra attention wasn’t enough, you were getting constant messages from Lionel. You must have really left an impression on him, because every day he described a new way he was fantasising about you, often along with a dick pic showing you just how hard it made him to imagine himself fucking you in whatever creative way his deranged mind had come up with that day.

So much attention from two men might have made you uncomfortable if you weren’t uncontrollably attracted to both of them.

You decided not to tell Eli you were in touch with Lionel. First of all, Eli had made it very clear - and you firmly agreed with him - that you were not a couple in any sense of the word. So it was none of his business if you wanted to text another guy.

Second, you were well aware that Eli was frequently fucking some of his female students - there were three on the go that you knew of for sure - and quite frankly you didn’t care about that, so long as he used protection, which you knew he did when you caught sight on multiple occasions of used condoms in his office bin. So why should it be any business of his if you let Lionel see a picture of your tits now and then?

On the last day of the spring semester, Eli showed up at your office door, leaning against the doorframe as casually as if he lived there.

“Whatcha up to tonight?” he asked.

You looked up from your desk, where you’d been typing away on your computer, working on a book you were writing.

“Dinner. Wine. Movie. Usual Friday stuff. Why? You got a better suggestion?”

“Yeah, same idea, but at mine. And with less clothes. Fancy it?”

You leaned back in your chair and scoffed. “Eli Michaelson, are you asking me on a date?”

“No!” he insisted, turning his nose up at the very thought of it. “Just thought we could fuck in a bed for once. Maybe you stay over, we fuck in the morning too. I always wake up with such a hard-on and no one to relieve it. How ‘bout it?”

“Yeah, alright,” you shrugged. “I gotta go home first, so I’ll come over for eight?”

“Sure. Wear something sexy underneath, will ya? I know you got some slutty panties at home just waiting for me to tear off of you.”

He flashed that damned cheeky grin at you and left you alone with your work and a throbbing between your thighs.

***

You had absolutely no idea what was happening in the film Eli had put on. You weren’t sure that he had any idea either. At least, you hoped he didn’t - you’d be kind of offended if he was more interested in the film than the sloppy blowjob you’d been giving him for the last twenty minutes.

Bastard had stamina. Your jaw was aching, and every time you tried to raise your head to give yourself a break, he just pushed you back down again and slid further down your throat. When he eventually came, he held your head in place, making sure he painted your throat completely before finally letting you come up for air.

He didn’t even return the damn favour. He just wiped your mouth, kissed you, called you a “good girl” and left to start the dinner.

You took out your phone and opened up your chat with Lionel. You didn’t usually text him when you were with Eli - that felt like bad manners - but your cunt was on fire and Eli clearly had no intention of extinguishing it soon.

You: What you up to?

The three dots showing him typing appeared almost immediately.

Lionel: Boring meeting. You?

You: Boring film. Bad form to text in a meeting, you know.

Lionel: They can’t tell. Skype meetings are all the rage now. They can’t even see how hard I got the moment your name popped up on my screen.

You: Dare you to jerk off and see if they notice.

Lionel: Don’t tempt me. What film are you watching?

You: No idea. Some buddy cop shit Eli put on 🥱

Lionel: You two having date nights now?

You: If by “date night” you mean me giving him the best blowjob of his life and getting nothing in return, yeah.

Lionel: Ouch. Is he with you now?

You: No, he’s making dinner. Why, you miss him?

Lionel: No, I just don’t want him to see this.

He sent you a picture of his lap, the tip of his erection just peeking out from his waistband.

You: Careful. I can see the headlines now. Lionel Shabandar stands up in a Skype meeting and accidentally flashes his erection to the whole company.

Lionel: Just some bozos from Germany. Hang on.

He went quiet for a few minutes, probably actually working, so you locked your phone screen and turned your attention to the film.

“Red wine or white?” Eli called from the kitchen.

“Red,” you called back.

“White it is.”

“Prick.”

“What, again? You just had it!”

“Ha ha.”

You glanced back at your phone to see Lionel had sent you a video. You fished your earphones from your bag and plugged them in, and you had to stifle a giggle as you watched the video.

His hand was in his pants, playing with his hard cock, and you could hear him talking quite normally in the meeting, something about sales and percentages and audience retention. The video was only ten seconds long - you suspected he didn’t want to risk anyone suspecting what he was up to - but it was plenty enough for you. Lionel was a dirty bastard, and you loved it.

You: Damn, you must really trust me. I could ruin your career with that video.

Lionel: I have plenty of evidence to ruin yours.

You: Stalemate, then.

Lionel: When are you next in London? I need to know if your pussy is as good as your throat. It’s unfair a cad like Michaelson gets to fuck you every day while I have to make do with photos and fantasies.

You glanced over your shoulder; there was no sign of Eli coming out of the kitchen. You hitched up your skirt and snapped a picture between your legs, one hand holding the phone while the other pushed aside your panties to reveal your dripping pussy.

You: Bet you wouldn’t make me this wet then fuck off into the kitchen.

Lionel: Fucking hell, [Y/n]. What I wouldn’t give to lick that all up. Bet you taste fucking divine.

Lionel: I’m sorely tempted to fly you out here just so I can have you.

You: Why don’t you come here?

Lionel: And share you with the good doctor? No thanks.

You: But I like taking both of you :(

Lionel: Greedy minx. I’ll share you again only if I get to have your cunt this time. For a man with multiple girlfriends Eli sure is selfish.

You: I’m not his girlfriend.

Lionel: Isn’t he cooking you dinner?

You: For the first time ever. I’m as surprised as you are that I’m here.

Lionel: Guess he couldn’t stand spending spring break without you. Can’t blame him.

You: You’re rich, powerful and sexy as fuck. You can’t tell me you don’t have your pick of the ladies in London.

Lionel: Sure, but they can’t deepthroat like you can.

You: Hang on, Eli’s calling me.

Lionel: Tell him to piss off.

Eli needed you to watch the vegetables while he went to the bathroom, so you did, and soon enough he was serving up the dinner of steak and chips with veg on the side, and a bottle of some fancy red wine you supposed was meant to impress you.

Despite the effort he’d clearly put into the dinner, Eli was quiet the whole time, barely giving you one-word answers as you tried to make conversation. Christ, was he always this dull? Maybe you’d never noticed before - you were pretty sure this was the first time you’d tried to hold a conversation with him that wasn’t about sex.

You’d given up trying to get any decent conversation out of him when suddenly he broke the silence by saying, “Are you going back to London any time soon? Visiting your family again?”

You were surprised at his sudden desire to converse, and about London of all things, but you replied, “Not until Christmas. What about you? Any more fancy parties?”

“Mhm, bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“…What?”

“You sure loved that party. Don’t deny it.”

“I’m not denying it, I’m just confused. I had a lot of fun.”

Eli scoffed. “Yeah. Fun.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone - your phone! How long had he had it? You hadn’t looked for it in ages - you didn’t want to talk to Lionel while Eli was in the room —

“So… Lionel’s rich, powerful and sexy as fuck, is he?” Eli growled, scrolling through your phone.

“What the fuck? How did you unlock it?”

“Your passcode’s your fucking birthday, [Y/n]. I got it on the second try.”

“And why were you trying to get into my phone?!”

“Because you left it lying around and I saw it flash up. Lionel Shabandar: Meeting’s over. I’m going back to my place to rub one out. I’ll be imagining my pillow is your face while I paint it. Very classy.”

You stood up and went to grab the phone from him, but Eli pulled it away.

“How long have you two been texting like this?” he demanded. “This chat history is long.”

“What’s it to you? Give me my phone!”

You made another attempt to grab it, but Eli just slammed it down on the table and stood up, his taller frame looming over you slightly.

“Do you usually text him when you’re with me?”

“No, never! This is the first time - and not while you were in the room, I’m not like that —“

“Oh, just while I’m cooking you dinner then? Jeez, [Y/n], I try and treat you better than just a quick fuck at work and this is the thanks I get?”

“Better?” you scoffed, hyper-aware that he was advancing on you slowly, forcing you to back up towards the sofa. “You put on some shitty film, shoved your cock in my face then fucked off without even trying to make me cum.”

“I went to make you dinner!”

“I wanted you to make me cum!”

Eli groaned with frustration and threw his hands up. “Fucking women! There’s no pleasing you! Either I’m treating you too much like a whore or not enough! You know what? Fine.”

He shoved you back, causing you to fall back over the arm of the sofa, your back hitting the cushions.

“Fuck it,” he growled as he fumbled with his zipper. “I’m not gonna fucking bother. You wanna act like a slut? I’ll treat you like a slut.” He produced a condom from his pocket, then pulled down his pants and stepped out of them, leaving him only in his shirt, his angry red cock standing to attention.

He rolled the condom down his shaft then crawled on top of you and grabbed your ankles, resting them on his shoulders and causing your skirt to flip up and reveal your soaking wet cunt. He leant over you and sunk his teeth into your neck, causing you to cry out. He began rubbing his cock up and down your folds, gathering up as much of your slick as he could.

“You know, my girls - the girls I’m fucking - they have boyfriends. Inexperienced kids with tiny cocks who don’t know how to use them, so my girls come to me for a real man’s cock. Even they don’t text their fucking boyfriends when they’re with me!”

“Lionel’s not my boyfriend —“

“Yeah, and neither am I, you made that pretty fucking clear. Now stay still while I fuck you.”

His cockhead breached your entrance, and you were still so wet that he slid in easily, your cunt instinctively stretching to accommodate him. You gasped at the intrusion, even though you were used to it, even though you were expecting it. He usually started off slower and built up the pace; this time, he began pistoning into you straight away, his frustration evident as his hips bashed against your thighs, his grip on your legs tight, and his face screwed up in a mixture of anger and pleasure.

“Fuck, you’re so wet - seeing Lionel’s cock really did a number on you, huh?”

“I’m not wet from that, dickhead,” you replied. “I’m wet from sucking your cock for twenty minutes. My cunt was - ah! - on fire and you left me all alone. What did you expect me to do?”

“Wait for me. Clearly you ain’t got any patience. Is there - ugh - anyone else I should know about?”

“No, you’re - you’re the only one I’m fucking - ahh, Eli!” You gasped with a mixture of surprise, pleasure and pain when he bit down on your neck again, and you were sure he’d leave a mark. Good thing it was spring break and you didn’t have classes any time soon.

“You bastard,” you hissed, and Eli just chuckled against your neck.

“That’s right. My cock’s all you need.”

He moaned in your ear, his panting becoming rapid and high-pitched, and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders to hold him close.

“Wh - why d - do you - fuck —“

Eli laughed.

“Forgot your words, Dr [L/n]?” he teased. He slowed down his thrusting, though it was no less forceful, the dragging of his cock along your walls no less agonisingly blissful.

“Why do you get to fuck any pretty student that bats her eyelids at you, yet you reckon I can’t even flirt with another guy?”

Eli didn’t respond at first. He kept his head buried in your neck, continuing his slow thrusts, before eventually raising himself on his forearms to look down at you.

“I don’t care that it’s another guy. I care that it’s Lionel. I don’t wanna share you with him.”

“You didn’t seem to care at the party. You seemed quite happy to share me with him then.”

Eli scoffed. “Yeah, ‘cus I wanted to show off. Let him see how fucking amazing you are. I wanted you to take both our cocks and choose mine. I thought you had… and all this time you were texting him. Showing him your tits. Telling him all the things you want him to do to you. Very creative, by the way. Putting that literature doctorate to good use. I even saw you using the same lines on him as you use on me.” He growled in frustration, and his hips began to thrust violently against you again, his jaw hanging slack in the gorgeous display of ecstasy you loved to see on him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” you said truthfully, trying to get your words out between groans of pleasure. “I didn’t - didn’t want you to get - ah - jealous —“

Eli’s hand wrapped around your throat, and his face came close to yours, snarling angrily.

“I’m not fucking jealous, little slut. I’m the one fucking you, aren’t I? There’s nothing to be jealous of. You know what? Fine. Fine. Fucking text him. Tell him everything. Show him your tits, your cunt, whatever you want. So long as he knows that no matter what he does, I’m the one who gets to fuck you.”

He sat up suddenly, his cock slipping out of you, and you whined at his sudden absence. He retrieved your phone from the table and, a few taps later, the phone was on loudspeaker, and you recognised the sound of dialling out to an international number.

“Eli —“

He just grinned at you as he placed the phone next to your head and resumed his position on top of you.

“You are not gonna do what I think you’re gonna do!”

But of course he fucking did. Eli slipped his cock back inside you - just as the phone picked up.

“Well, this is a nice surprise, I was just thinking of you,” said Lionel’s voice from the phone. You tried to speak, but Eli slapped his hand over your mouth.

“Just thinking of you too, buddy,” Eli said smugly. “A little birdie told me you wanted to hear [Y/n] moan, is that right?”

“Michaelson? What the hell are you doing with [Y/n]’s phone?”

“I’m more interested in what she was doing with her phone. Shit dick pics, by the way, the lighting’s all wrong. So, [Y/n], are you gonna moan for Lionel or what?”

Eli pulled his hand away from your mouth.

“Fuck you, dickhead,” you hissed.

“Funny, that’s exactly what you are doing. Mmm, Lionel, buddy, her cunt is so very warm. Squeezes just the right way in all the right places.” Eli pulled back until his cock was about to fall out, then thrust back in again, causing you to let out a moan.

“Painted that pillow with your stiff English cum yet, Lionel? Or d’you still got a hard-on?”

“You called just in time, actually, I was just about to get started. [Y/n], can you hear me?”

“Yeah, he’s got you on loudspea - ah! Fucking hell, Eli!” you gasped as he began thrusting into you rapidly, your legs back on his shoulders.

“Tell me what he’s doing to you, and spare no detail. I want to know just how that cunt’s getting wrecked.”

If it weren’t for the sound of Eli’s flesh slapping against yours, you might have heard through the speakerphone the sound of Lionel tugging on his cock, his own phone lying on the bed next to him as he sat on his knees with a pillow between his thighs, wishing it was you he was on top of instead.

“I’m - I’m lying on my back on the sofa,” you said, trying to think through the pleasure-filled fog in your brain. “He’s got my ankles on his shoulders.”

“Mmm, yes, I bet you’re fucking flexible,” Lionel growled. “Fuck, I can hear how wet you are from here. Must be a fucking waterfall down there.”

“You have no idea,” Eli replied with a groan. “Tell him how my cock feels, [Y/n].”

“It’s - it’s big,” you gasped.

“Big,” Eli snorted. “A doctorate in literature and all she can think of is big.”

“What the fuck do you want me to say, Eli? Colossal? Enormous? Overblown? Nah, that’s your ego. You want me to tell him how much you stretch me out? The way your cock hits my G-shot at just - ah! Just the right spot! Just like that! Fu-uuck —“

At the mention of your G-spot, Eli had adjusted his hips slightly, just enough to let his cockhead press against that sweet spot which he damn well knew drove you insane.

“Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck - Eli, you bastard - I’m gonna cum, need to cum —“

“Then cum, and you’d better be loud, sweetheart. Lionel wants to hear you all the way over in London.”

You were writhing around on the sofa without an ounce of dignity, lost in the pleasure that was being thrusted into you faster than your goddamn heartbeat, and your movement caused the phone to slide down the cushion towards you, the speaker just close enough to your ear that you could hear Lionel’s panting.

“Yes! Yes, Daddy, yes - FUCK!”

Every muscle in your body convulsed as you came around Eli’s cock, moaning loudly just as he’d asked. Down the phone you heard Lionel moaning your name as he came, and Eli was cumming too, his hips faltering against yours as he moaned.

For a few moments, there was quiet, as all three of you caught your breath. Eli grabbed the phone and held it up so Lionel could hear him.

“I get that every fuckin’ day, Shabandar,” he boasted. “Add that to your wank bank.”

“She’s bound to come to London sooner or later, Michaelson, and when she does you’d better be with her if you want to stand any chance of stopping me burying my cock inside her. I always get what I want.”

“Good fuckin’ luck,” Eli said warningly, then he hung up the phone.

[sims-half-crazy]

Imogen did not stay in the sitting room. She didn't want to risk Cornelius coming back. She also needed to find Eli so she could share her news. She hadn't wanted anyone but him to know first, and now he was finding out last! Curses! Me and my temper. I should know better. I should have told him when I first suspected. Imogen stomped down the hill. She knew just where to find Eli. Winemaking was in full production, and Eli would be in his office. She slipped into the small, cozy room. Eli turned as soon as her skirts had swished through the door. He'd stood and drew her close to him. She inhaled his scent deeply. A mix of sandalwood, leather, and oak greeted her as she pressed her hands against his waistcoat. "I have to tell you something. I wanted to tell you first, and I should've told you days ago but now you're finding out last and that's not at all how I wanted this go." The words tumbled out of her mouth as tears formed in her eyes. Damn, these emotions! I can't seem to control them anymore!

He rubbed her arm and held her close. His warm blue eyes twinkling. "Tell me what's the matter. You're a welcome distraction from this paperwork, but anyone could see." Despite his warning, he did not let her go. Imogen had found that Eli loved to touch her. It didn't even have to be in the throes of romance either, he played with her fingers as they sat and enjoyed a glass of wine by the fire, or he pressed his hand to the small of her back as they walked. He was always touching her, and she loved it.

She only managed a whisper, now that the moment was upon her. "I'm carrying your babe." Eli's exhale was audible. He laid his head upon hers and tangled his fingers into her coiffure. "You're going to muss my hair and then I'll really have something to explain. You know how fastidious Mother and he can be." They rarely spoke of Cornelius by name. As if saying his name made their actions worse, or maybe they just made them more real.

"Are you sure? How do you feel? Are you ill?" Eli's concern was heartwarming as he processed her news. Again, the difference between the brothers struck her like lightning. If only her father had met Eli before Cornelius, or at least before the papers were signed! How different her life could have been!

Resting her hand on his chest and wrapping the other about his shoulders, she gazed up at him. "I suffer some in the morning, and I'm sensitive to smells - especially jasmine. I'm alright otherwise, though. It's early still."

Eli faltered a bit, "Please don't think less of me for my next question for I know how precarious our situation is, but are you sure it's mine? I want nothing more in this world for us to have a child, but it is dangerous for us to want that. We have to make sure he thinks it's his."

"It is definitely yours." Imogen paused to search for the right words to assuage his worry. "He does think it's his because, after our wonderful night, I made sure to perform the expected wifely duties." She paused to clear her throat. She delicately continued, "I know it's yours because he did not complete the task where it needed to be completed to ensure a babe." She was blushing profusely now. They did not speak about her intimate interactions with Cornelius. It was an uncomfortable subject, and Imogen felt extremely guilty about divulging how she knew this babe was his, but she needed him to know as well.

Eli didn't know how to respond, well he did, but it was not suitable for polite company. How in the hell did his brother not finish the deed? His wife was a beautiful creature that he took for granted. All the better for you, because she is yours in heart and mind. "He… didn't finish? No, don't tell me more. I do not want to know, but I am glad that he's inept and that we are expecting a baby. More's the pity that we can't tell anyone, but knowing is enough for me. Perhaps one day we can be together, but for right now, this is enough." Eli tugged her chin towards him as his lips descended upon hers. They were completely oblivious to the world outside those windowed doors.

Beginning / Previous / Next

[tokillamockingbird427]

Overheard conversations pt43( continuation of pts34&40) the phone call

Gabriel: Did you get that map of all the p.o.w camps in Fed territory that I sent you?

Elias: Yes I did, we were beginning to form a plan of extraction for the first camp.

Gabriel: Were?

Elias: Uh, yes. Small hiccup, I needed to pull Keegan off all operations going forward. I'm having some trouble figuring out how to go about this without our best sniper. If only someone hadn't “killed”, I'm doing air quotes right now but you can't see that, Ajax then maybe I wouldn't be in this position.

Gabriel: Back up! What's going on with Keegan!?

Elias: Well, he's been sick recently.

Gabriel: Eli, speak plainly.

Elias: I don't know if I should say this over the phone, Gabe.

Gabriel: Elias Walker, you know for a fact that if our positions were reversed, I wouldn't ever dream of hiding something about your boys from you. Please don't hide anything from me about mine.

Elias: Does he even know?

Gabriel: He should, I mean I left a letter with my lawyer to be given to him after the will reading.

Elias: He's, He um, He's. God, I hate that I have to say this to you.

Gabriel: Elias, your starting to worry me.

Elias: He'spregnantandLoganisthefatherofthebabies!

Gabriel:Pregnant? Babies!

Elias you're gonna give the man a heart attack. He finds out he's a granddad, a granddad of five kids in one swoop, AND that Logan and Keegan are smoochin' in like three seconds. That's an overload! He's already bald, he has nothing else to lose but his heart!

[angerworn]

when do you gaze at your soulmate?

when they don't see you

you love them and you're not sure they know. but that's okay. you're used to loving more than you are loved. you give more than is given. and maybe others don't understand but you don't expect more. you tell yourself the love in your heart is not meant to be savored by anyone other than you. it's more than enough to get to exist at the same time as them. you stand in their shadow and you thank the sun for casting it. they touch your arm but they do not feel the same warmth which lingers on your skin for days. you gaze at them and they might even be looking right back but they are not seeing into your soul the same way you have memorized theirs. it's enough you tell yourself. it's enough. it's enough. but what if it's not? and what if you're wrong. what if they see you and all this time you have been too scared to ask what they're looking at.

[weaponizedvirtue]

Harbored Secrets {Peaky Blinders}

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Reader (gender-fluid former soldier from "The Face I Hide Behind")

Summary: It's been a year since you reconnected with Thomas Shelby in Small Heath. Letters can convey a lot. But personal identity and your own brand of nightmares are easier to convey in person.

Notes: This is for my friend, @everythingelseisextra. He has motivated me and encouraged me to develop this character into who they really are, even beyond my own safe little comfort zone of topics. This one touches on PTSD and discrimination, but also gender fluidity in an era where it was often something no one talked about, acknowledged, or accepted. Marie/Eli kind has steadily shown themself to be bigender and it's an important part of them I wanted to explore.

Tagged: @everythingelseisextra, @ce1iat, @morrigan-crowmwell, @running-outof-time, @straight-outta-kirkwall

No one was supposed to have been down here. William had said it was clear and you, Tom, and Danny had shuffled down into the muck behind him. It was supposed to have been easy- “bury the mines and scramble.”

But sometime between Will’s report and your team slipping inside, the situation had changed. Two Germans had found their way inside and waited, cloaked in shadow, until everyone’s back was turned. They’d made quick work of Danny, like silent dogs leaping for their prey and digging their sharp teeth in before any of you had noticed you weren’t alone.

You’d been distracted with your notes, unfolding them and quietly reminding Tom of where each device should go when he stood suddenly, drawing his gun. He’d always been an impeccable shot and even in the dim light of the tunnels, one of the Germans went down with little more than a gasp, a bullet buried in his chest.

But the second one was quicker. He emerged from Thomas’s left like a bat, all fangs and claws and blind speed and before your friend could counter, he dragged his blade across the man’s throat.

Tom stumbled, fell to his knees, and a shout tore out of your mouth, grieving and guttural. There was a scuffle, Will shouting to you about getting out as his weapon met with the German’s. The screech of metal on metal was shrill, an alarm that insisted you move, but you couldn’t leave without Tom. 

You reached down fast, your hands desperately trying to stem the blood seeping from the deep slash across his throat. He gaped up at you with wide, unseeing eyes, and his hands closed around your own.

“Carter.”

Your name wheezed out of his lungs. It was insistent but muffled, as if someone had stuffed your ears with cotton, then given you an order. But it was your name. It was your name, here below the trenches, on the lips of your dying comrade as if your moniker was important enough to be a last word.

"Stay with me. Come on, Tom."

Your voice came out ragged and pleading and your body rocked forward as you tried to pull him to his feet. He didn't respond, his body sagging into yours as you stood.

“Dein Freund wird es nicht schaffen.” The soldier from before wagged one finger at you from a few feet away. Behind him, Will lay motionless in the mud. “Carter, ja?”

The soldier pointed at you, his eyes glittering in the dark. Blood dripped from his knife, mixing thickly with the mud that caked your boots.

He advanced forward suddenly, dropping his weapon to the ground. He yanked Tom away from you, then clapped both hands around the base of your throat and squeezed. You struggled against him, your fingers locking around his wrists, trying desperately to pry yourself loose.

"Carter." His eyes were wild, nothing but fire and hate. Your name spilled from the soldier’s lips like a mantra, breathless and desperate, a plea even as he cut off the last of your air.

You didn't know him. You couldn't remember his face or his hands or how this stranger could possibly have grabbed hold of your name. 

You just knew his grip was tightening. Then with a resounding snap, your windpipe buckled underneath the pressure of his knuckles. The makeshift cavern you and the rest of the Company had dug for yourself collapsed into darkness around you, burying you and your fallen comrades as if you never existed in the first place.

*

“Carter!”

Your eyes snapped open and air rushed into your lungs so quickly it was painful. Feeling rushed back into your fingers and your hands automatically latched onto the ones pressing up against your chin. There was too much light, too much air, building in your ears and your lungs until all you could hear was a roar.

You moved. Like a wound spring, you rocketed upwards and pressed your knee hard into your assailant’s gut. He grunted, twisting underneath you, and it took a moment for the haze in your eyes to clear. It came to you slowly, where you were, that it was a pillow underneath your palms, not dirt, that you were in your smalls, not your uniform.

And that it was Tom, clean and alive and whole, lying beneath you, not some intruder lurking in the dim light of the lanterns.

“Carter?”

You blinked, trying to separate what you were seeing from what you saw. The moments didn’t match- one where Thomas Shelby breathed, startled but watching you with patient, cutting eyes. And then the other, where the same man slumped to the ground, his gaze blank and lifeless.

“You’re alive. Jesus, you're alive."

Your head dropped to his chest and your whole body sagged against him, spent tension racing from your muscles far too quickly. The sudden shift left your body aching and a tremble quaked through your limbs.

You flattened your fingers against Thomas's stomach- he was here, he was alive, not a bloodied corpse forgotten underground. You grabbed at his hands, counting each digit, positive that they would dissolve into memory if you didn’t hold on hard enough.

Turning your head slowly, you pressed your ear against Thomas’s chest. You just needed to hear it. Just one strong heartbeat.

It was there, loud and racing just like yours, and a mournful quiver escaped your throat before you could stop it. Your breath shifted brokenly inside your lungs, thin and reedy and not enough. The part of you that was logical, that worked on stratagems and common sense, snapped from somewhere deep inside your head.

Look at him, for god’s sake, you’re not some infant. It was just another dream. Who the hell can’t tell the difference?

But your body disagreed. Your limbs remained locked where they’d fallen. You were afraid of moving, as if the moment you did so, Thomas’s existence would be a toss of the coin and not a certainty. With your nose planted against his sternum, there was still someone to hold onto.

Slowly, strong hands slipped down just below your elbows. Fingers gently circled your upper arms, tugging you upwards. Your body followed rigidly and Tom tucked you up against him before you could protest. His arms wound around your back, his hands rubbing circles in the taut muscles around your spine, and his chin came to rest against your left shoulder.

"I'm right here, Carter."

A hand wandered into your hair and Tom's fingers dragged slowly through the few curls you’d kept. You focused on the touch, on the soft sheets under your knees, and Tom's breathing, steady and even. Slowly, as visions of the tunnel and the bloodied, still figures of your friends faded, your own heartbeat matched its pace.

"Why didn't you tell me you had nightmares?"

You swallowed, shame mixing thickly in the pit of your stomach. You'd kept that bit of information to yourself on purpose, determined to keep quiet when you knew Thomas had endured just as much and more than you.

"You should have told me."

There was frustration in his voice and sympathy just below that, both feelings you were unsure how to face. Somewhere along the way, Tom had become the one person you wanted to impress. Somewhere along the way, you'd wanted him to think you were infallible. Admitting that you dreamed of your time in the tunnels, of moments you'd faced and moments you could have faced, hardly looked like strength to you. Admitting you still heard the picks and shovels of the Germans inching closer and that you fidgeted in cramped spaces hardly seemed like bravery.

But Tom deserved an explanation, now that it was out in the open.

“I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I said I could handle being a soldier. They send me home and I can't even handle the echoes?”

There was a huff of air at your neck and Thomas pulled back sharply. His movement was so sudden you missed him, your body suddenly cold at his sudden withdrawal. Something flickered in his eyes as you studied his face, closer to fury than you could remember from the man. It felt for a moment like a dismissal and as grief and shame stirred angrily through your belly, you forced yourself off the bed and onto your feet.

But Thomas’s fingers caught around your wrist, a silent command to stay put. You froze in place, your eyes darting back towards the man. Satisfied, Thomas sighed. He considered you for several seconds, then he reached down to pull his shirt over his head.

It wasn’t what you expected, but Tom’s plans rarely were and there was a look in your friend’s eyes that demanded you wait and listen. Tom dealt in timing like you dealt in numbers.

So instead, your eyes traveled down his body in earnest, mapping out the myriad of scars painted and scratched and stamped into his skin. Some you remembered, could divulge the story yourself; others were newer, fresh splits of skin and bone that didn’t match what you knew of Thomas Shelby’s timeline.

“Bullet from the Somme.” Tom tapped his left side where your eyes had come to rest and at first, the information seemed like a surprisingly open confession from Thomas. But without pausing for your answer, Thomas continued, walking his fingers down each scar.

“Barbed wire in Amiens. Blast in the trenches- you pulled me out, remember?” You did, but his fingers moved again before you could reply. 

He walked you down each limb, detailing a scar now and then, avoiding others that you still wished to rub out with your own hands. The scars were Thomas’s story, told in violent brands and permanent tears on his skin because words were never enough to describe battle. It was a strange, devoted kind of exposure, one you could appreciate fully coming from Tom. But it was unlike your friend to offer up information without asking something in return.

The cost presented itself quickly enough.

“So.”

Thomas lifted his head from the last scar on his thigh and nodded towards you.

“Show me yours.”

The request was a fair one and you imagined there was a point to it that Tom was aiming for, but your body went cold nonetheless.

You showed very few people what sat beneath your clothes. It was hardly different from what they'd seen before, just a set of ribs and a set of breasts and a torso of scars stitching them together, but it had never felt like the truth, showing them skin that hardly felt like yours, bearing your body to them when it hardly felt like your own.

You hesitated, feeling compelled to explain, desperate for someone to listen, even more desperate for Tom to understand. The words came out slow and thick as molasses, your voice quiet, and you looked down at yourself, picking at your nightshirt.

"What people see and who I am don't always match, Tom."

Even without looking at him, you knew he was thinking. There was the softest exhale and a purposeful silence, then the rustling of sheets as he shifted slightly closer to you.

With an unexpected burst of courage, you dragged your eyes up again and sure enough, he was waiting, studying you with a softer expression than before. He pressed his tongue to the top of his mouth for a moment, carefully piecing his words together before exposing them to the air.

"Whether I see Marie or Carter doesn't matter, love. I don't need a name or a body to tell me who you are."

The room tilted for just a moment, as if knocked off kilter by his words. Tears rushed to your eyes unbidden and you pressed your hands fast against them, unprepared for the onslaught. 

It wasn't something you'd heard before, the quiet acceptance that whether you were a man or a woman in the day, the hour, the moment, your decision was valid and wouldn't require the consequences of judgment.

For all of Danny's kindness, he still looked at you differently now as Marie than he ever had when you were Carter. He still walked as if on eggshells when you were around, and had adopted a kind of rapport around you like you were his little sister, not his comrade in arms.

You'd seen Freddie Thorne once, on your way out of Tommy's that first time, and he'd regarded you like a math problem, all furrowed brows and frustration. He'd plucked the cigarette from his mouth and circled you like a great cat. In the end, he seemed to have settled on the idea that you weren't a threat, waved you off with a half-friendly, "Enjoy Birmingham."

But he looked at you not as someone he'd trudged through hell with, who he'd ribbed on occasional moments in camp, but as a stranger prone to lies and deception, as if your female identity was an exercise in smoke and mirrors.

Additionally, your family had hitched their wagon to the opinion that you were confused, that the moments you took joy in manners and family you were a different person from the person interested in gadgets and physical labor. They'd come to believe your insistence that you could be both was an affront to how they'd raised you, as if it was your self-control that prevented you from being a proper lady.

And when they'd gotten tired of waiting for you to become what you were expected to be, realized you wouldn't act out the part that the world demanded of you, you'd simply become too much to keep around.

Thomas alone had seen the individual parts of you and believed them to make up a whole. He alone had believed it was more than a formula to a trick or a tantrum.

You swallowed, grateful that Tom had stayed put on the bed and allowed you a moment to work through the meaning of his words. There was a sort of unspent energy to him as he watched you, a tamed impatience as he leaned back and waited.

You took a slow breath, then with shaking hands, undid each button on your shirt. After pausing one last time, your eyes met Tom's expectant ones and you pulled the shirt from your shoulders.

You didn't have as many scars as him. Not even the same type- your binder had worn deep trenches in your skin where it had hugged your breasts or ribs too tight. There were uneven ripples across your abdomen where bones had broken in protest, whether it be from the cramped position you'd crawled through the tunnels or the sustained pressure trapping your chest cavity. There were small, jagged scars from rogue shrapnel dotting your collarbone, wounds you'd had to stitch up yourself for fear of the medics discovering your secret. A long scratch marred your left side from a scuffle with one of the other soldiers, a lasting reminder that not everyone was interested in playing nice.

"Mostly from the tunnels." You lifted your chin, watching as Tom leaned forward, his eyes wandering along each scar as if he was recording them for later consideration.

"And your head."

“What?”

Thomas tapped the back of his head and your right hand fumbled inside of your hair, brushing the rough patch of skin where they’d sewn twenty stitches years before. The memory flitted back quickly, though it was vague, snatches of haze and mud, shouts for a medic, and Tom’s face above you as you were pulled into open air. You’d have shrugged him off if you could have remembered how to move your limbs, saved yourself another couple of battles before getting sent home.

"From the beam. You still get those headaches?"

It had been just a passing bit of information in one of your letters to him, must have been at least six months ago, and you weren’t sure if you were flattered he remembered or embarrassed you told him in the first place.

“Yeah.”

Thomas nodded and his face smoothed over before you could gather what he meant by asking. Instead, he reached for his lighter on the dresser beside you both. A cigarette practically appeared in his hand and he lowered it to the flame with a kind of purpose you thought inordinate for simply lighting a smoke.

With a hard puff of air, Thomas exhaled and you and he both turned your eyes to the fog rising up towards the ceiling.

“I have ‘em too. The nightmares.”

The words didn’t connect immediately. Fitting Thomas’s name into the same sentence as fear didn’t seem logical. You hardly expected him to live without it, but when a man could motivate an entire crowd of scared men onto a bloody battlefield, it seemed stupid to consider him anything but solid.

“You never said anything.”

“It’s a habit we share, eh?”

There was no room for accusations when you’d been just as at fault. You smiled wryly, slowly lowering yourself back down onto the bed beside Thomas. The man’s hand shrugged towards you with ease and after a moment, you picked the cigarette from between his fingers.

You rarely smoked, could hardly afford it with your lifestyle and didn’t care much for the taste. But you wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth and it felt enough like camaraderie that you couldn’t help but accept the stick.

As you drew smoke into your lungs and exhaled, a tingle ran up your spine. Your shoulders sagged and you closed your eyes for a moment, imagining the sharp edges of you softening and the claws of your nightmare temporarily withdrawing.

“So if I fought for mine,” Thomas continued unbidden and he bumped his arm gently against yours. “And you fought for yours-” The cigarette disappeared from your hand and reappeared between his teeth.

“I believe soldiers face the consequences together, Carter."

His gaze shifted back to you and you studied his face carefully. You knew what it looked like when someone was lying by now, knew when someone was just trying to soften the blow. Thomas was doing neither.

You leaned back slowly against the headboard of the bed, your thoughts racing too quickly to allow you the prospect of sleep just yet.

Fingers danced carefully across the back of your head, just along the edges of your scar. You turned your head to find Thomas intently watching you, his eyes blazing a colder blue than you remembered.

"Call me next time. Do us both some good."

[wannaeatramyeon]

hihi!! i thought this was funny and wanted to tell you😭

i was telling my friend about Goo and how i would absolutely marry him and they said that he needs their blessing. i asked what he can do to get their blessing and they said he needed to write them an essay about how much he loves me so, to entertain them, i wrote them an essay from Goo's perspective about why he wants to marry me with a 20 minute timer. it was 584 words in the end and I worked a miracle.

Moral of the story: Goo got the blessing😭so uhhh you can always write your way into someones life??

This tickled me, just imagining the unhinged ramblings from Goo POV mixed with your own. Drop it please.

Inbox clearing time! Non fic requests answered: 6. (Check it - plus my fave Lookism arcs!)

To the non-anon anon that I have not included and I don't know what to do with your message - No, I won't hold your hand while you poop. Good luck with that.

Really?? I feel so... unhinged and nonsensical (even more so than usual) when I rant. Seriously thank you for reading!?!!?

PTJ did somewhat write women with more of a personality in his Life As A Loser Series so it seems more of a shame that he's lost his touch and catering much more towards teenage boys with his current series.

Which. Fine. Action manhwa - great. BUT if your target audience are teenage boys then yknow, wouldn't it be even BETTER to write some strong badass women so these impressionable youngsters realise that not all girls need saving, and oh look. Girls are human too. With their own ambitions and flaws and imperfections, just like everyone else.

If you must make them simp, form a harem. Also. FINE. At least give them something beyond that.

Hey Black Anon! Sorry again for how long it took me to respond to your ask before, and hope it's going much better for yourself since your last request.

I'm muuuuch more responsive with DMs so if you ever wanna come out of anon - come shout at me in my DMs!!

HTF s2 is really... something. Completely lost the meaning of HTF and Viral Hit. Don't blame you for dropping it. Alas, the Taehoon grip on me is still going STRONG.

LOL. Me in a similar position, wondering if I should get into JJK.

Can I... recommend some of my fave arcs if you ever do decide to read Lookism? The ones I like are generally more story driven.

Vasco's backstory (prepare the tissues) - 52 - 57

Johan + Zack + Mira backstory (cult warning, another sad arc) - 132 - 138

Goddog (another pretty sad arc with Johan) - 199 - 213

Jacedichi Files (silly crime solving with Burn Knuckles) - 215 - 218

One Night (Johan + Jace!! Fun action) - 258 - 262

Jake Kim (PLEASE READ THIS IF NOTHING ELSE) - 302 - 318

Workers (2A) (Rescuing Sinu. Honestly, I cry almost every time. Read Jake Kim's arc to appreciate this!) - 372 - 392

Let me know if you ever get into it!!!

Me??? Mine????? I cannot write that guy so thank you - that means A LOT to me! I will try harder to write a decent Eli (that doesn't devolve into ranting about his current direction).

Thank you for reading and being so friggin CUTE!! 💖

I feel a vaguely threatening tone from this.

Like something Goo would recite before walking into a darkened warehouse with a crowbar 🤔

Baby there's nothing noble about this, but it is actually more satisfying than my normal job lol (lolling through tears).

Thank you so much for reading!! My single braincell has been firing quite well with these ideas.

Anon. Honestly this is adorable, I've screenshat this for a pick me up ahhhhhhh 🥹

My dear 🕊️ anon, thank you for reading my DG fic! I also feel very little for DG but I will admit I am coming around to him.

YES!!! I LOVE the idea of someone getting close to James Lee in his younger years, and him being soft for the reader.

And then I also like angst so let's bring those 2 things together. Heh.

Eeeee I also added that Remember fic to my list of faves that I have written.

Please. I also have a list of fictional men I am unwell over. Let's start a support group! 🫠

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I'm still listening to the John Robins + Elis James radio show, going through the episodes at what I think is a pretty significant rate. I'm still in June 2017, though, because they keep taking over the drive time slots and every time they do there are five bonus episodes, so I'm on episode 173 but if you include the bonus ones I think it's more like 220 by now. It's always fun but it does mean I know a lot about what those guys were doing throughout the first half of 2017, as there were quite a few instances within a few months where we'd get them broadcasting six nights a week. Well, John Robins broadcasting six days a week. Elis occasionally takes time off because he has to film TV shows and have a family. Mild, manageable, amusing but not double-act-breaking, played-up-for-comedy-but-not-in-a-genuinely-concerning-way tension ensues. Just the right level. Also there isn't any real concern about whether it'll become too big a problem that Elis James bigger than John Robins by too much, because I know John Robins is about to win the biggest award in stand-up comedy. I'm really looking forward to hearing the episodes from/just after that Edinburgh Festival.

Anyway, I slowed down on the posting about that radio show because I felt like I went too hard on that in the first month of this year, leaning quite heavily on it while trying to quit drinking and probably oversharing in posts about that, I figured I'd try to keep a bit more of that to myself. I mean, it's very much still happening. I'm just trying not to update the internet constantly, and posting about that radio show got so tied to that that I decided to try to reign that in in general.

However! I'm pleased to say I have an observation about the show that does not involve anything that can relate to my personal life! And I think people should know about it. Throughout 2017, I have just found my fourth instance of making this connection: John Robins will use the expression "your friend and mine" (to describe an inanimate object or intangible concept or something), I will immediately think "have you been hanging out with the No More Jockeys guys?", and then in the same episode he will tell a story from the last few days about hanging out with Alex Horne and/or Tim Key. He does not use that expression in his regular vocabulary; the only four times I've ever heard him use it, he ended up then telling a story of hanging out with those guys.

That thing where I watch No More Jockeys and then catch their phrases seeping into my speech patterns (the most common for me by far is "I think it's a case of..." - I'll catch myself saying that at work a lot): it's not just for civilians! I'm pleased to report that the comedians are also influencing each other.

[aidenlyons]

A couple days after Love Day, Jake is fresh from a shower after his morning workout when his phone rings.

J: Hey, Kory. What's up, man?

K: Nothin' much. You around?

J: Yeah, got a little time, what's up?

K: Just something I need to talk to you about.. in person. Can I come over?

J: Of course.

K: Thanks, see you soon.

Jake's always happy to help out a team member, if only as someone to rant to. But this is different. Kory sounded so serious, he really hopes nothing is wrong...

When Kory gets there, Jake's out back enjoying the sunshine while finishing up a bit of reading.

J: Hey man! How's it going? Heard your party was killer.

K: Yeah, man. You should have come.

Maybe then he would have seen with his own eyes what Kory is about to tell him.

J: Nah, man, you know me. Parties aren't really my scene.

Plus he's trying to respect Aiden's decision. He hasn't reached out so he assumes he'd rather not see him. Especially in his own home. On Love Day. A part of him didn't want to see Aiden at a party like that, either.

J: What's up? You wanted to talk. Is it about the party? Girl trouble or something?

It wouldn't be the first time one of his teammates came to ask him relationship advice. They're pretty tight, especially with a lot of them living in the same dorm.

K: Yeah, right. As if. Look at me, I get plenty of tail. No problems here. No, I'm not here to talk about my love life, but yours.

J: Mine?

Jake hasn't HAD a love life since starting University. He's just been focusing on school work and football and... ok. Maybe pining a bit.

K: Man, don't be so dense. You know your ex lives under the same roof as me.

J: I know that, Kory. Trust me. What's your point?

K: Just think you might want to get used to seeing him around.

Jake would hope, but the tone Kory is using says Aiden won't be around for him.

J: Just spit it out, Kory, you obviously have something to say.

K: I just.. think you should know he's not carrying the same torch you are. Elias went up to see him during the party and, well...

K: I didn't see Eli until the next morning and I know what the walk of shame looks like. They weren't playing patty-cake, you know?

Jake does know. And it hurts to hear, he can't lie. Elias, of all people.

Aiden said that they were just friends, but maybe... no. If there's one thing Jake knows down to his bones, it's that Aiden is loyal.

J: .. yeah. Well. It's been over six months, Kory. Aiden is single. He's allowed to date - or sleep with - whoever he wants.

K: Man, how are you so calm?

J: I expected this, at some point. I hate that it's Elias, of course I do, but they're friends. It makes sense. When he left, Aiden told me he didn't want me to wait. I knew that meant this might be permanent.

J: Why did you even come to tell me this, Kory? What were you expecting? For me to get pissed, or jealous?

Kory is feeling more than a little exasperated.

K: Maybe I just want you to move on! Stop carrying a torch for a guy who doesn't feel the same. Maybe never did.

J: Listen up. You don't know shit about me, or him, or our relationship. There is not a doubt in my mind about what we shared. You have NO IDEA what Aiden has been through.

If Kory wanted Jake to get angry, he got his wish, but not for the reason he expected.

J: This hurts like hell, every day because I loved Aiden. Still do. But I NEVER doubted he loved me too. I know what it must look like, him breaking up with me. 'Cause you don't know shit about him. This is what he needs. It's BECAUSE I love him, that I respect it.

J: Maybe you should stop sticking your nose in other people's business and focus on your own life.

K: Man, you are a damned fool. You just got blinders on. If you believe all that shit, why haven't you dated? They'd be all over you. Men, women, take your pick.

J: Because I'm not over him!! I don't WANT anyone else! Not everyone is the same. I need more time before I can even think about that. I'm focusing on school, football. MY dreams. You know what? Just leave. I don't need any more of your 'help'.

Kory has nothing more to say. As he walks away, Jake tries to calm himself. He's been doing well, but it hurts all over again. He had hoped that maybe he and Aiden might get back together, but... maybe that was a false hope? Maybe Aiden has truly moved on?