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kyrieren · 4 months

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Yashiro and/ versus Kageyama: The singularity of humanhood

Warning: Wall of text (about 1500 words) (ʘ‿ʘ) (ʘ‿ʘ) (ʘ‿ʘ)

"People ... are full of contradictions. They’re lonely. And then they’re not. They’re missed. And then they are not."

This monologue of Yashiro reveals the reasons why Kageyama and he are unable to forge a romantic relationship. The ways they deal with the outer world and themselves contradict each other, rendering them incompatible. Their respective mental burdens billow whenever they are together during high school. Yashiro confronts his homosexuality head-on, embracing it aloud, while Kageyama conceals it, even from his own awareness. It's a tragic paradox, where two individuals grappling with the same matter yet employing starkly contrasting coping mechanisms, making their interactions all the more painful to witness. However, no one is really at fault. People are just different, living in different universes, which entails the ultimate singularity of humanhood.

Yashiro has always been that observant and astute kind of person, perceptive enough to discern much about others, yet conversely, is taken into account and understood too little by other characters. Seeking for torture, aware of the world's inherent cruelty, Yashiro adopts increasingly questionable behaviors, inviting insults and even physical assaults, and hopefully Kageyama's notice too. This self-destructive persona becomes his armor against past trauma, a role he convinces himself to fully embody, albeit at a cost that may appear excessive to others, leading Kageyama to perceive him as self-centered. Despite the fabrication of his persona, Yashiro is candid about one aspect of himself: his attraction to men, a truth that challenges Kageyama's own understanding of himself.

On the contrary, Kageyama's obtuseness isn't inherent but rather a chosen path in life. Ignorance and conformity are his chosen coping mechanism. He follows the footsteps of his parents by enrolling in med school and becoming a doctor; dodges the “danger” of not being straight by finding a woman whenever somebody forces him to confront his true sexuality. Kageyama is that typical type of person who meticulously adheres to social norms, blending in with his family and the heteronormative world around him. However, this self-protective mechanism also endangers Yashiro whose deepest fear lies in rejection and emotional pain.

In this analysis, I’m going to consolidate Yashiro and Kageyama’s dynamic in two symbolism systems: the perceptions (lens vs glasses) and the defense (umbrellas, 2 vs 1).

1. The perceptions (lens vs glasses)

Lens

Lens is typically associated with observation, perception, and worldview. Yashiro’s act of stealing Kageyama’s lens case manifests his desperate yearning to be "seen" by his crush. Through various actions, Yashiro strives to show Kageyama who he is as a person and his aspirations for their relationship: he attends Kageyama’s father’s funeral, shares deeply personal information with Kageyama, and even sexually assaults his classmate to provoke a reaction from Kageyama.

As Yashiro takes the lens case, his inner monologue speaks, “But if he ever rejects me, it’ll probably hurt me. This is… obviously not… something I’m used to feeling.” Yashiro is acutely aware of the potential emotional toll of pursuing this unfamiliar feeling. Despite the risks of rejection and mental anguish, he still bravely proceeds for the desire to escape his perpetual solitude. All he truly seeks is someone who cares about him. Actually, he is asking for just a tiny meager.

Nevertheless, Yashiro's intense persona, shaped by childhood trauma, becomes too much for Kageyama to handle. Consequently, Kageyama consistently avoids and evades the possibility of being gay, which Yashiro persistently presents to him. In fact (or figuratively), Kageyama has given his answer before Yashiro even mentions about the matter.

This rainy scene involving Kageyama, his girl, and Yashiro conveys a profound message about Kageyama's stance. Though the simple dialogue is about Kageyama losing his lens, the underlying theme is about him losing his ability to truly "see" because he chooses not to. He deliberately avoids "seeing" Yashiro to avoid confronting the uncomfortable truth about himself and his sexuality. The girl's remark, "What a waste," goes beyond the monetary value of his loss; it hints at the greater losses Kageyama can imagine at that moment. He loses the world in its true form and his true, authentic self - which navigates us humans throughout life. He reserves himself by never letting that self interact and be reflected from people, leading to a gradual decline in his ability to empathize and grow emotionally. Ironically, his attempt to protect the self eventually ends up destroying it. That's why he grows into such a dense and apathetic bloke.

Glasses

I believe the glasses on his face are meant to be sarcastic. His eyes are not presented in the above panel, instead only his glasses. Glasses are typically a tool for better vision, yet in this particular case, become a symbol of his self-imposed blindness. As Kageyama can’t “see” the world with his own eyes, he chooses to rely on external aids – the social norms, to filter the world for him. A man with glasses is actually a blind man.

2. The defenses (umbrellas and 2 vs 1)

The visual storytelling in these panels is masterful, capturing the intricate dynamics and stark contrasts between the characters and their internal struggles. Here we have black vs transparent umbrella, being accompanied vs alone under the rain. Let’s not forget about the rain – the befallen suffering, and in this particular scene, it could be interpreted as the looming threat they pose to each other or the mental barriers they avoid confronting. Yashiro doesn’t want to be rejected and get hurt, while Kageyama is reluctant to acknowledge his homosexuality, given the societal stigmas.

The umbrellas

I once wrote an analysis including my interpretation of the transparent umbrella Yashiro gives Aoi, if you’re interested, please scroll to the end of this post to read. To summarize that part, that umbrella represents Yashiro’s deep empathy and the wish to end the suffering of somebody who experiences the same trauma he endures. Transparency stands for “being seen”, or at least, in this scene, the wish to be. With all normal to absurd acts, despite the risks, Yashiro is trying to make Kageyama realize who he is as a person (yet of course, acting out on his façade simultaneously). On the contrary to Yashiro, Kageyama’s black umbrella symbolizes his coping mechanism, blocking any outcast that possibly derails him from the safe uniformity. Yashiro, the friend behind him, becomes the epitome of the abject, representing Kageyama's own fear of straying from social norms.

2 vs 1

Additionally, the contrast between Kageyama being accompanied and Yashiro walking alone adds more weight to the scene.

Kageyama's aversion to be odd out drives him to seek validation through external factors, such as his relationship with women, to anchor himself firmly within social norms, which also echoes in “Don’t stay gold”. By being with someone, Kageyama subconsciously affirms his belongingness and shields himself from ostracization.

On the other hand, Yashiro, though broken and “twisted beyond repair”, is risking facing his utmost terror of being emotionally damaged. Walking alone signifies the will to keep himself survive without the buffer of external relationships or societal validation. It must have taken him aggrandizing bravery to reach that point of vulnerability, risking facing his utmost terror of being emotionally damaged.

As Yashiro persists, Kageyama withdraws further. Ultimately, Kageyama’s avoidance calls for Yashiro’s ultimate fear of rejection. The risk becomes too overwhelming for Yashiro to endure, prompting him to halt his pursuit. Eventually, they both settle into a common medium of ceasefire, which is friendship. While Kageyama maintains a superficial, pitying and somewhat indebted concern for Yashiro, Yashiro secretly harbors his unrequited love that spans a painfully long period, nearly two decades.

3. The singularity of humanhood

The oneshot closes with the scene where Yashiro cries at the balcony while clenching Kageyama’s lens case.

“People are… full of contradictions. They’re lonely. And then they’re not. They’re missed. And then they are not.”

Yashiro and Kageyama’s encounter invites an opportunity for a break from their homeostasis of solitude, yet eventually, it plunges them deeper into their initial mental state. Despite being friends and their shared attraction to men, they are universes apart, operating on different systems. They can't find solace from each other. They’re both lonely and yet they’re also not. They both exist, yet they also don't.

Yashiro has always been alone. However, he resembles a stray cat. A stray cat only becomes pathetic if adopted, petted, loved and then abandoned. If Yashiro is never rejected, he is never pathetic or truly lonely. He may be abjected, have nothing or nobody, but he retains the one constant: himself, the only ally that can accompany, protect and keep him survive.

On the very contrary, Kageyama, in conforming to societal expectations for safety, sacrifices his authenticity and inner connection. He may be with others, but he can’t be with himself. Kageyama is so empty inside. Living a life without an authentic self can be just as tragically lonely as physical solitude.

Now who really is the lonely one? Who will be missed and who will not? Yashiro the ever outcast with an overwhelming persona but nobody is taking him into account? Or Kageyama the self-deprived, while conforming to social expectations, lacks a genuine identity?

Read my other analysis including the transparent umbrella of Aoi here:

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