#''yeah all the guys were fucking at my school ive never cared about it much because ive never been Tempted to do that. it was

[kkoraki]

cs lewis on gay people is so fucking funny

[futterurl]

Hello! I absolutely love the future man writings you’ve done and wanted to request smut for josh futturman. I can just imagine for his first time getting intimate with a partner he just gets so overly eager that he ends up overstimulating himself and his partner hehe

sry ive been gone for a bit schools been kicking my ass ! anyways yeah i got a little carried away sry if this isnt what u rlly had in mind

WARNINGS: fem!reader, titplay, oral(f!receiving), virgin!josh, p in v, creampie, super soft

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it had been a nice day, going out and spending the day with your boyfriend, josh. you two were sat in your apartment, watching a movie, him holding you in his arms while a bowl of popcorn sat in your lap. his hand held onto your forearm, rubbing back and forth lightly with his thumb.

you loved days like this. you loved your boyfriend. he was the sweetest guy you had ever met, and boy were you glad he was yours. he would constantly try to spend time with you, and would try to teach you about the video games that he played. you always looked up to him.

and to him? lord, you were a goddess. you were this kickass woman who was one of his well respected co-workers, you had such a beautiful personality, and you were drop dead gorgeous to him. he fell in love with you all over again whenever he looked at you.

you both tool each other in with your worries and guilts. he knew that you were more shy, and he did a majority of the talking in public, and wouldn’t try to pressure you with anything. he was so kind to you, you wouldn’t trade him for the world.

while you guys were snuggled up, you started to talk over the movie, not paying it much attention. just talking about funny stories that happened in the past.

“…and she caught me. jacking off. in my room. it was the worst thing ever.” josh was telling the unfortunate story of his poor mother just trying to bring him something, but seeing that mess instead. you couldn’t help but laugh.

“god, if that kinda stuff happened to me, i swear, i’d never look anyone in the eyes again.” you laughed.

“this is a random question, and sorry if it’s intrusive, but…have you ever had…like, sex before?” he asked you, sitting up on the couch so he could look you in your eyes.

you shifted, not used to being asked this question. “i…i have. once. it was a mistake. i don’t know why i did it.”

he started to look a little worried. “did he make you do that?” hoping it wasn’t that.

“oh, no! no! don’t worry, i was fine with it.” you reassured him. “i just…regret it, was all. it wasn’t all that good, just a heat of the moment thing, wanting to do it. we fucked, he came, and that was that. nothing special.”

“did he uh…did he make you…y’know…” he tried to ask in the most not awkward way possible, which was still very awkward.

“make me cum? uh, no. it wasn’t…wasn’t really a priority, i guess. just the experience.” you started to fidget with your hands.

“that’s…yeesh, that’s kinda fucked.” he was a little irritated. was it that difficult to focus on a girl for a few minutes to make her feel good? he didn’t understand it. “i’m sorry it wasn’t good. i just don’t get how he could finish and not care that you didn’t.”

“it’s fine. i don’t really care that much.” you were still a tad bit upset over it, but he was out of your life now. you didn’t have to worry shout him, only being in your happiest relationship yet with josh.

“what about you?” you asked him, curious.

“me? oh, uh, this is kinda sad, but i…haven’t done that kinda stuff.” he started. “it just never kinda…happened. moment was never really right. but now i’m here, with you. i couldn’t be happier.” he hugged you, kissing your jaw.

you rubbed the back of his head. you loved this man more than words could describe.

“i don’t know how to ask this in a way that isn’t awkward, but i’m just gonna go ahead…would you mind if i…if i, uh, made you…you cum?” he asked, looking at you.

you looked at him. “a-are you sure? you don’t have to if you feel bad or anything like that, it’s not your obligation to-”

he cut you off, holding your hands in his. “i…i want to do this. it’s not out of sadness or anger for you…”

you gave him an inquisitive stare.

“okay, maybe it is a little bit.” he admitted. “but i really do wanna do this. i’ve wanted to do this with you…for a little bit now, but i didn’t know how to ask, or bring it up. you feeling good makes me happy.”

it was like he was trying to make you fall in love again and again.

“josh, that’s really sweet…i…i do think i may be ready to try this stuff out with you.” you started to get a little shy.

“okay…okay…great.” he tried to hype himself up, telling himself that it’s real and this was happening. “just, uh, tell me if you’re uncomfortable or anything like that, and we can stop, go back to watching the movie, no questions asked, okay?”

you smiled, knowing he was your safe place. “thank you so much.” you gave him a kiss on his lips. he went and deepened the kiss, holding your frame in his arms.

you made out, him slowly getting on top of you, laying you in the couch. his hands went from holding your body to feeling around: touching your hips, your waist, your breasts, everything. he gently caressed one of your breasts, to which you let a moan out at.

“did you like that?” he asked.

you nodded, pulling your shirt up. “please.” you yanked it off your body. he stared at you with awe, your breasts clad with a bra. you looked so beautiful to him.

“can i…can i take this off?” he asked, fingers playing with your bra. you nodded, reaching back and unclasping it.

“how the hell do you unclasp that so easily?” he discarded your bra, asking while staring at your bare breasts.

“lots of practice, i guess. you get used to it after wearing these since the ripe age of 13.” you giggled.

his hand moved towards your breasts, but hesitated. he didn’t want to squeeze them too tight, or hurt you.

“you can touch then, josh. it’s okay. please. i want you to.” you reassured him, guiding his hand to gently caress your left tit. he played with it, new to the sense of it.

“it’s so soft…” his thumb ran over your nipple, causing you to shudder. he could tell you liked that.

“do you think i could…suck on them?” he asked, testing the waters. you nodded your head slowly.

“yes, please. whatever you like.”

“this is about you, though, not me. i want this to feel good for you.” he looked at you with concern in his eyes. sure, he was getting very caught up in the moment, but he knew he ultimately wanted you to have a good takeaway from this: you were someone he loved so much, he wanted to watch and make you feel good.

“josh, i want you to do this, don’t worry.” you smiled at him. he was so careful with you, it made you feel so delicate. so special.

he leaned his head down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. his lips wrapped around it while his tongue ran over it.

you ran your fingers through his hair. you had thought he’d be a boob guy, and this for sure proved it. he loved feeling them, the texture so foreign to him.

he moved on to the other breast, suckling onto your other nipple, to which you let out a gasp at. it felt…good.

he played with your other breast in his hand, giving it gentle squeezes. you let out a hushed moan. you didn’t think it’d feel good.

his head lifted up, kissing you again. it was a deep kiss, his hand digging to play with the hem of your pants.

“please, wanna make you feel good down there.” he pleaded, looking at you for permission.

you had never been like this before. someone focusing on you felt…unbelievable. it really did.

you nodded, unzipping your pants. “please, josh, want this so bad. want you so bad.”

he lifted your hips up, helping you shimmy out of your pants and panties. you were there, completely bare in front of him. he took his shirt off, trying to make you feel more comfortable. he stared at you with awe.

he couldn’t believe you were with him. you were so beautiful, and had an even better personality. he couldn’t believe that you loved him, and that you were willing to do this with him. he felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

“is this okay?” he asked, lowering himself, his head in between your legs. he rubbed your thighs, trying to help you stay comfortable. he could see your slick. he wanted to get a taste so badly.

“yes, please josh. please.” you wailed.

he obliged, taking a long lick up your slit.

“oh, fuck…” you moaned. loud. you hadn’t ever felt that good before.

“you okay?” he asked, making sure he didn’t do something wrong.

“i’m great, just felt really fucking good…holy shit.” you looked down at the sight of him, in between your thighs.

he dipped in again, this time bringing his tongue to lay flat on your clit. you shuddered, feeling all sorts of sensations. he held your hips steady, running his tongue in tight circles around your clit.

you swore to god, you could hear him groaning into your cunt. he was letting out little noises in exasperation as he pleasured you, rubbing your clit with his tongue, getting into a rhythm.

“jesus christ, josh, i’ve never felt so good, fuck…” you could barely get the words out in between moans.

he licked another stripe down your slit and ran his tongue on your entrance. you tugged at his hair a big, cautious yet excited to see where this was gonna go.

his tongue slowly crept inside of you, feeling around as you scratched at his scalp, letting little whimpers out. he held tightly onto your thigh as he started to tongue fuck you.

you threw your head back in pure ecstasy. you were starting to get close.

“josh…g’na come soon…fuck…” you panted out.

“please.” he said, moving his mouth up and tasting you all over. “do it f’ me. come on my face. please. you’re so hot. fuck. come all over me.”

he moved his mouth and latched onto your clit again. from there, he just sucked. your orgasm approached.

you let out a cry as your hips started to spasm ever so slightly, your body contorting. josh continued to suckle on your clit while you rode out your orgasm.

“oh my god…” you breathed. “how are you so fucking good at that?”

he lifted his head up, mouth coated in your cum. “don’t know. just pure talent i guess.”

you lightly pushed him. “fuck you.”

“i mean, if you’d be ever so kind.”

you looked at him, starting to laugh, but understanding what he wanted: you.

you moved yourself closer to him, closing the space in between you two.

“please.” you said, planting a kiss on his cheek. “i..i think i’m ready for this. fuck me, josh. please.”

“fuck, i’m so fucking hard for you right now, holy shit.” he kissed you, lying you back down on the couch. he pulled his pants down, huge erection standing up in his underwear.

“do you see how crazy you make me? you’re so perfect.” he looked down as he slowly started to take off his underwear, cock standing out.

you blushed. even in situations like this, he still made you feel so special.

he got on top of you, cock springing out, almost touching your delicate folds. you shuddered.

“a-are you sure you wanna do this, josh?” you asked him. doing something like this for the first time was really important to you, so you hoped you could make it important to him.

“yes, there’s no one i’d rather do this with than you.” he kissed you softly, sliding his cock through your slit, bumping his tip to your clit. you both groaned lightly.

“i…i’m gonna put it in now…okay?” he asked for permission.

you smiled. “yes. please.”

he used one of his hands to steady himself and his other one to hold yours as he slowly pushed inside of you. he was feeling all sorts of new sensations, all good like he’d never felt before. your walls clenched around him. he let out a moan as he slowly inched himself inside you.

you held his hand, gripping it tight. it had been awhile since you’d done this. it was a big stretch, but it felt so damn good to have him inside of you.

he finally bottomed out, cupping your cheek. “you’re so tight…oh my god…i knew it’d feel good but…didn’t expect this…” he was breathing heavily, catching up with his senses. he felt like he was going to cum just from being in you.

“josh, want you t’ start moving.” you pleaded, feeling so full but desperate for friction.

he obliged, giving experimental thrusts and letting out low groans in the process. your tight walls kept sucking him in, as if they didn’t want him to pull out.

“fuck, you feel so good. i love you so much.” he started to thrust a bit faster now, hands on your hips, holding you steady. every time his hips met yours you could feel yourself groan with delight. even though this was his first time, he wanted to take care of you.

he started to thrust hard, moaning sweet nothings into the room. every word he said professed his love for you and your body.

one thrust in particular hit a certain part inside you that made you let out a really high-pitched moan. he stopped, looking at you.

“shit, you okay?” he asked.

“yeah, m’ fine, that just felt really good.” you gave him a smile.

he tried to angle his hips to hit that sensitive spot again, which he was successful with after a few harsh thrusts. he abused that sweet spot with every thrust, leaving you a moaning mess. he took your lips into his, kissing you like your lives depended on it.

“josh, close, shit.” you could barely form words with how good you felt.

“me too, gonna cum, fuck.” he started to move incredibly fast, moving like there was no tomorrow. “please, cum on my cock.”

you could feel the knot on your stomach start to snap, riding out your orgasm. you were letting out these pornographic moans that were driving him insane, leading him to cum right after you did.

but he didn’t stop.

“feel too damn good. can’t stop. shit.” he continued his quick and deep thrusts, leaving you screaming.

“josh, can’t. already came. oh my god.” you were a moaning mess, feeling his cock penetrating your tight walls right after having an earth shattering orgasm.

“please, need you to cum again. wanna make you feel better than you’ve ever felt.” he moaned, trying to hit that spot inside you with every single thrust, making himself feel overstimulated in the process.

you felt another orgasm start to bubble up inside you as he kept going. the knot snapped yet again when he led his hand to your clit, rubbing it in circles with his thumb.

“cum for me, please. cum. wanna make you feel good. please. need you to cum on my cock again. i’ll do anything.” he begged and pleaded, bot stopping his aggression to your cunt.

you were practically screaming, head thrown back and breathing like a madman. he helped you ride through your orgasm, him taking a few extra seconds to reach his own again, as well.

he eventually stopped, laying on you carefully as to not hurt you.

“sorry, got…got a little carried away.” he said in between breaths. he felt so woozy.

“no, it felt really good josh. thank you.” you wrapped your arms around him, holding him as he lay on top of you.

“was it that good?” he asked, making sure you got as much satisfaction as he did.

“i’ve never felt that good in my life. serious.” you replied. he knew how to make you feel special and really good. “you’re amazing.”

he held you, planting a kiss on your cheek. “i hope you know how much you mean to me. i love you so much, and i wanna be with you forever.”

you were practically gushing. he was so darn cute. “i love you more.”

[eggman91]

So feel free to delete this but I got this idea from this comic called “Miss Kitty and her Bodyguards” where a young child humanoid cat is the hero’s to a mafia group and is raised by the bodyguards who are protecting her. It’s a pretty good read so I suggest you give it a chance but anyway back to my request.

I was think of Atlas having a daughter before he died (you can choose if she was born before Atlas met Mitzi or if the daughter is their biological child) and she’s raised by the Lackadaisy crew.

Thank you for your time.

Nah fam it fine and anon I like this idea

I’m going with the idea atlas had this child before he met Mitzi she would be like around Ivy age so I’m gonna just write their relationships because yeah also apologies this might be lazy

-atlas (your dad die lol)

you and your dad well, complicated you know he love you in his own way but he was a mix of distance and stoic probably because of all the booze empire, but he did pay for all your school and toys and stuff but still his death was hard but he did try to teach you some skills of his

(I feel like atlas, wouldn’t care about gender as long as you knew how to shoot a gun and run a business so he would’v try to teach both genders)

-Mitzi (your mom got it going on)

she just mom well you haven’t called her mom in a long time. Just Mitzi but when you first met she spoiled you alittle you never met your actual mom and well she became your strongest mother figure (one reason she liked you is she didn’t have to have a pregnancy to ruin her figure and especially if you’re like a girl )

but yeah but after atlas death you was one of her rock (well once she didn’t really use a lot but still) you learn lot of charisma from her even learning to play the ukulele

-Ivy (your “little” sister)

your sister from another mother and Father both of you grew up in the speakeasy. It was a little over there, so she was like your little sister, but little by little bit but you guys are thick is thieves and still are (if it male some people say you should dated, but that would’ve been weird) you’re a little overprotective of her but she a clever girl…

(if girl she would probably get you in to the more fashion sense buying clothes, for the both of you making me wear these flapper outfits and if boy the same but she get this pinstripe suits)

-viktor (uncle with big divorce, energy)

I’m just gonna do it again it’s the same with the IV but like there’s two IVs now you see the both of you like his metaphor children but to you he like your tall gruff slav uncle Ivy have a definite has a better relationship with him I guess but you understand him a bit

(like Ivy you learn some mechanical stuff from him )

-Mordecai ( estranged brother with big divorce energy)

well he like your older brother kind of he was more busy with Atlas (honestly made you a little jealous) but it was a OK acquaintance, but you did share a nice appreciation of crossword puzzles, to be honest you weren’t really close to him but he seems like he was an OK guy a serious weird OK guy your dad liked

but then he left after your dad death you don’t really have much feelings on him. Yeah, you were bit sad that he left but he kneecapped Viktor that oathbreaker

(he probably try to pass some more refined, intelligent words to you. Most of them went over your head, but some stuck)

-zib (your mess of a uncle and …..your mom ex)

oh boy this mess of a cat at he didn’t talk to you and try to ignore you didn’t know why but after you and Ivy shenanigans he open up a little more and more now he’s just zib you did play ukulele for the band from time to time when you was older he was just zib

then boom you found out he was your mom ex and your dad cucked him hard which was fucked up (he did teach you how to bum a cigarette )

-rocky and freckle

They’re both relatively new Rocky been here for a year and freckle only for a short while (also dating Ivy ) to be honest, you don’t mind honest….. anyway you rocky freckle and Ivy are the club main rumrunner now you know rocky better then freckle and freckles, a bit weird at least rocky is honest weird but freckle he has something in him those eyes when he get a gun

you sometime play with Rocky he with the violin you with the ukulele

(Sidenote rocky x Atlas daughter you alway thought rocky was cute in his own manic way he was one of your rock when Atlas died you cry on his shoulder and well you wouldn’t mind to date him )

[munamania]

so right a couple of my film friends and i met last night to do wine and glee and i left and tried to catch a bus in our gross rainy cold weather and so when it finally comes im just like zoo wee mama my glasses r fogging up and all that shit. but who of course is on the bus but my one friend the main perpetrator of acting like im some flaky cunt (rant city below)

so i guess technically this wouldnt look great on my part bc i was obviously Somewhere and had been ignoring the group chat making plans but oh my GOD whatever who careessssss who Cares. so im like fucking phenomenal ok walk back Omg hi and she moves her shit so i can sit and i get settled and am like hey. and she asks what i was up to and ofc when i say anything bc this is fucking awkward shes just got this stupid smug little smile but i was just sitting there like bitch im not gonna sit here and act embarrassed for seeing my other friends so i was just like So are u guys doing x tn and shes like mhm yep are you coming and i was like well gee i dont know. sarcastic shrug. make conversation about the timing of the place for a second kinda jokin then awk silence

and so then because im a chill normal adult and am aware that shes about to go meet the group of friends and no matter what this interaction is going to be brought up and i had been planning on composing a levelheaded text but i just said Look im sorry that i ghosted you guys (and shes again smug smiling nodding next to me. girl.) i just honestly got tired of feeling like im being singled out and judged when i cant make it to something and she literally is just like Well im sorry you feel that way just u know we do try to come up w different days etc (if u like me are bad at reading between the lines this was a non apology and defense based on uh Nothing) and i was like right well ik last semester wasnt great it's just that sometimes i feel like im being shunned in the group chats when no one answers or reacts to anything i say and the other day when you said like. yk the 'could u commit' thing that felt really sort of condescending

and shes like again well im sorry u felt that way i was just trying to find another day that u could actually make it cause i wanted us all to be there so im not really sure how that came across as condescending but um yeah. and i, jackass that i am (<3) pulled out my phone and pointed and said Well u see we didnt have actual plans and in fact no one answered when i said anything abt it and yk things come up and so for me to have sent this whole nice thing and just get 'do you think youd be able to commit' in response felt a little bit needlessly mean (and i also tried to earnestly say at some point in all this that i genuinely do love and care for them and want to see them but yk this Sucks and was just bad timing)

THEN we somehow spin into her going Well i just had no idea this was even a thing until you brought it up just now i mean i wasnt even thinking abt it ive never really thought that of you etc and so then im sitting here feeling like im being gaslit in real time not to be dramatic and i felt very much like when i was in high school and people manipulated me bc i was a very easy target (its not that real but w/e) and so im like Ok be calm but dont just like let that slide cause girl be serious (prob should have but what ever) so i was like well you know i do apologize if i just couldnt tell your intent over text, but after you guys never answered me about hanging out and then the short responses like maybe u can kind of see where i felt like you were being rude (didnt say it quite that bluntly w/e)

and she pulls out the big card. the. well i just think youre being defensive. oh years and years of being the youngest and punished for um having feelings lmfao slammed me in my chest at that moment. and i calmly said Okay cool i think youre being defensive. and i lit missed my bus stop cause this driver was swerving so then i was just like Well you guys have fun maybe ill see you tonight bye. so. really feeling awesome abt the state of that. in all reality tho it's like i hung out w some friends and then went out to the gay bar w others and danced and etc and i can only imagine how much of a Thing this was for them so. if someone could win it'd be me right

(on another note at some point during this ride sams roommate requested to follow me back <3 which i had been pretending not to think abt for the last couple hours) anyway

this has been a post let me know if im being normalish

[aperiodtm]

Familiar pt.2 | Sim Jake

PAIRING: (ex)online bestfriend!Jake x (ex)online bestfriend!fem!reader

SUMMARY: Jake has a plan (appearance of jay) (and an unnamed friend for now (?) im horrible at names.)

GENRE: bitter angst, lil crying

WC: 585 (well this was..shitting short.)

A/N: also based on real-life experience.. :)

im thinking of making this a mini-series?..

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okay, Jake couldn't do this anymore. in his defense, he was attached. too attached, even after 6 months.

29 January, your birthday. a day Jake was always looking forward to, just so he could wish you a happy birthday first, which he, much proudly, was successful in for 4 straight years.

well, once some other guy in your school wished you earlier than him. stupid douchebag, he thought.

but that didn't matter when you said his wish meant more and was always first in your heart.

and god was Jake in another spiral, staring at the his endless messages with 'Instagram User' on New Year's Eve.

''what a great year it's going to be.'', he grumbled.

unwillingly while reading those texts, a droplet fell on the very desk he was at. then another. and it kept going, till he had to set that damn phone aside and pour it out.

Jake couldn't do it anymore, he missed you. you were his bestfriend. the one he could talk to for hours, to rely on and vent to when he had a fight with his friends, the one who had such horrible memory that you had to save little things you knew about Jake in a separate note on your phone. Jake found it cute though.

he had felt care, but this was attachment.

this was such a strong attachment, something he cried over so much he felt his heart clench. when he went out after the day you blocked him, he feet the agony when he saw anything that reminded him of you. he was so proud of your friendship he'd show it off to anyone.

and now, after that day, he couldn't focus on anyone but you. that day, did he really see you again?

after being done with all the emotion, he picked up his phone again, and wiped the tears away.

wait, he thought.

he quickly shuffled around his phone, through the same messages, till he got to it. one very specific message.

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| @(username)

| is this ur friend? i noticed yall matching pfps and followed-

| WHAT THE FUCK JAKE THATS MY BEST FRIEND HOWD U FIND HER?

| ok ykw nvm since u already followed let it be js dont talk to her she doesnt know i got online friends

| and DONT unfollow. she'll get suspicious and bombard me with tons of questions if she sees both of us know each other.

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Jake never really understood why you kept your online social life a secret so badly. but he never questioned it further.

until now.

he clicked on your friend's profile. and just stared at the screen. should he do it? but you warned him not to. but he wants to know- no, he needs to know how you're doing. this could be his chance-

''hey, you okay?'' it was Jay.

''y-yeah i..just been thinking..'' Jake sighs and puts his phone away. fuck it, just let it be. maybe he's going crazy, he definitely does not want to mess himself up further.

''tell me about it.'' Jay pauses, sitting next to him. ''is it about her again?''

Jay knew well, as his roommate, about what Jake has been through and how he remembers you time to time.

''well....yeah. Y/N.'' Jake sighs. maybe Jay can give him proper advice? since he's clearly (well, in this aspect) more sane and less impulsive than him. so, turning around in his chair, he faces his older properly.

''okay, so..''

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to be continued!

ive been getting some ideas lately for series ^^ but ofc theyre gonna take long ahaha </3

[b-ritney]

ECSTASY

I love a good sober love sesh (not that id know ive never done it) but I’ve been toying with the idea of Eddie suggesting you guys try taking ecstasy before sex he wants you to feel the heightened sensations but you worry something might go wrong so he offers to stay sober while you trip so he can help you if something goes wrong. This is between two consenting adults in an established relationship. (I in no way encourage this behavior, you should never leave yourself at the mercy of someone else no matter how well you know them. Stay safe out there lovelies.)

This is inspired by 2 other fics, one was taking ecstasy with Axl Rose which is on Wattpad, and another one with Eddie on this platform which I will put link here, https://at.tumblr.com/ohcaptains/take-the-edge-off/5s275rhehnp9. It's called "Take The Edge Off" If you like my fic, you'll like theirs better guaranteed, it's AMAZING.

Warnings: drug use, spit, fingering, slight choking, slight spanking, P in V, sub naïve reader, experienced Eddie, mentions of anxiety.

Side note: (I will NEVER EVER sexualize being taken advantage of, my characters will always be informed and consciously aware of what to expect in encounters like this.)

Summary: I- I got nothing it’s fucking Monday and I’m out here writing filth like I don’t have 2 exams this week.

#############################################

After a long week at school, there is nothing you wanted more than for your boyfriend to ravage you and work out all of your aggression with his own, but instead, you and Eddie took a drive after school, just to feel the fresh fall breeze; he knows how much it calms your anxiety. Once you got to his trailer Wayne had already left for the night, leaving you to yourselves for the evening. You threw down your bag and huffed as the pressure released from your shoulders; " I swear that thing gets heavier every day." you say rubbing your neck. Eddie wraps his arms around your waist from behind and rests his head on your shoulder; " I'm sure it does considering you have my homework in there too!" He laughs kissing you on the cheek. You giggle as his hair tickles you, he begins poking your sides making you double over in laughter. "Ahhh Eddie!!" You shriek, you sprint down the hallway, shamefully realizing you've cornered yourself in his room.

He tackled you onto his bed, careful not to crush you with his full body weight. "UNCLE UNCLE!" you yell.

"I don't think so." he laughs pinning your arms above your head. The mood shifts a little and you can't help but feel this is a little cliche but kind of sexy. He must feel it too because he kisses you.

"I love you." he says against your lips.

"I love you too, Eddie."

He lays off to your side on one elbow tracing your body with his eyes; "What's up babe?" His eyes snap up to meet yours.

" I've just been thinking about trying something with you but I wasn't sure if you'd be cool with it." You sit up and he follows.

"Oh, well, I'm all ears, this is always interesting." you snickered.

" I'm serious babe," he said tucking your hair behind your ear, "a while back I tried taking ecstasy while I was umm.. thinking about you; and it made me wonder if you'd want to try it while we were uh well you know." You tilt your head, "

"I'm lost."

"I want to get high and fuck you." his crass words made you swallow.

"Uhh I mean, if you've done it before then I'm ok with it."

He smiled, " Are you sure? I know the drugs throw you off sometimes."

"Wha- what are the effects?" you inquired, Eddie could sense your apprehensiveness and pulled your back flush with his chest against the headboard, stroking up and down your sides, his breath warm against your neck.

"You'll take less than half of a pill, and it will make you all warm and fuzzy, and everything will feel... more."

"More?"

"Yeah, every touch, every kiss, every word even, will feel amplified by like 50 times."

"That doesn't sound too scary." you say nuzzling into his chest.

"I want to make sure you're sure, because with your anxiety it may twist differently than it does with me."

"Well, what if something goes wrong? How can we fix it if both of us are loaded?"

"How about this, since I've already done it a few times, why don't you take it and I'll stay grounded just in case."

"You'll miss out though?

"Don't worry about me sweetheart, if it goes well we can try again."

"Ok."

"You're one hundred percent sure?"

"YES! Eddie come on, please just do something," you say turning over in his lap, straddling him.

"Relax baby, you've gotta take the magic meds." He reached over to his bedside table and with one hand opened the drawer, pulling out a small baggie labeled MDMA he reached inside and pulled out a fourth of a single pill; setting the bag on the table. "You ready?"

You nodded excitedly, he looked you in the eyes, raising the drug to his mouth and placing it on his tongue. He laced his hand around the back of your neck bringing you to meet his lips. Pushing the sliver of Ecstasy in your mouth with a deep and slow french kiss.

You involuntarily rocked your hips into his, the anticipation for what was to come made your heart race.

"Slow down," he snickered while he sucked bruises into the soft flesh of your neck, "give it a few minutes to kick in."

You held each other for what felt like hours, slowly undressing until you were both down to your underwear. Eddie worshiped you, kissing every inch of skin he could reach, extending your arms to peck from your fingertips to your shoulders. Holding your ankle to kiss from the top of your foot all the way to your hips. When he got to your belly you started to giggle uncontrollably. When Eddie looked up you were staring at the ceiling laughing at nothing. He crawled above you to hover over your face. "Sweetheart, you still with me?," he tilted his head laughing himself at your giddiness.

"Depends, what plane of existence are you on?"

"Leave it to you to ask existential questions when you're fucked up." he laughed leaning down to capture your lips again.

"Eddie please don't stop,... every time you touch me it feels electric."

"I'm copyrighting that as a song lyric," he said while he picked up again at your panty line.

"You better give me credit"

"Princess, the song will be about you." he said through gritted teeth as he pulled the waistband of your underwear, making you jump when it snapped back into place.

"Eddiiiie" you whined, "please do something I need you."

"Now that it's in your system you've gotta remember to use your words in case it gets to be too much, understand."

You nod. He pops your thigh lightly.

"What did I just say?"

"To use my words."

"Good girl." He stands above you, wrapping his hands behind your knees to violently yank you forward to the edge of the bed. He slowly pulled your blue lace panties down your legs. You felt every trace of the fabric moving across your skin, brushing the fine invisible hairs covering your body as if you were running your hand through blades of grass. The feeling made goosebumps in their wake causing you to shiver with eagerness. Eddie tossed the garment, and bent your knees together up to your chest, leaning forward to place gentle kisses on each of them, "you still doin' ok?"

"Y-yes," you let out shakily, "I love you."

"I love you more."

He parted your legs, staying eye level with you, to try and relax your racing heart. "You're so beautiful." he kissed your nose.

He reached down and started rubbing tight circles on your clit, causing you to arch your chest into Eddie's from the overwhelming sensation.

"Ahhh E-Eddie"

"Shh I know, I know, just breathe."

The feeling was like nothing you have ever experienced, even the lightest touch made you see stars. He brought his hand back up to your mouth. "Open." he rested his middle and ring fingers on your bottom lip, he slid his fingers in as you swirled your tongue around them. He left them there a few seconds until he was satisfied, then put them back at your soaked core. Slowly he ran his digits up and down between your folds before pushing inside to his knuckles, muffling your elated moans with a searing kiss.

"More, please," you begged, "It feels so good."

"Needy little thing."

He started pumping them in and out all the way, rubbing your clit with his thumb. He had to get to the floor and hold your thigh to keep you from retreating. Without warning, he replaced his thumb with his lips, sucking harshly. You cried out, feeling tears prick your eyes. "Aww baby already?"

"Eddie please- please." He didn't respond he just laughed with his lips around your sensitive bud, the vibrations making you tremble. You feel like your fucking soul escaped you for a brief second. Every movement of his fingers felt incredible, an indescribable bliss. He withdrew them, much to your frustration, just to aggressively lap at you with his tongue, reaching up your body to expertly shove your bra up above your tits. With one hand he began kneading your right breast, twisting your nipple in between his fingers. You began grinding on his face. "God it feels so good." you whimpered shaking. Eddie could barely contain himself you were so adorably agitated, he needed to be inside of you. He stood up undoing his belt, "Why'd you stop?" You cried in a drawn-out whine.

"Aren't you ready for my cock?" you nodded again, Eddie only had to raise an eyebrow before you realized your mistake.

"Yes- Yes please."

"Atta girl," he reached into the same drawer and opened a small foil package, holding it in his teeth as he pulled his pants the rest of the way down, he rolled the condom down his shaft, dropping his head from the feeling. He looked up to realize you were covering your face, "You nervous?" he said peeling your arms from eyes.

"Yes"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No-No.. just please go slow."

"I'll be so gentle baby, I promise."

"Okay" you managed to whisper. Eddie ducked down and sucked on your nipples, giving proper attention to each one as you writhed underneath him. He kissed you on the lips one more time before going back down to spit on your pussy, the sound of it making you shudder with anticipation, licking his fingers he spread it thoroughly through your folds. Then he positioned himself at your entrance, running his cock up and down a few times. He rested his forehead against yours, keeping eye contact as he pushed in, deeper and deeper until his hips connected with yours. You tried to keep your eyes locked on his but it was just so much, you could feel every ridge every vein, every beat of his heart it was so intoxicating. You threw your head back in a silent scream, he picked up the pace slightly, burying his head in your neck, whispering praises.

"Eddieeee, fuckkk!, harder please- please." you wail. He happily complies, lifting one of your legs to rest on his hip, as he leaned forward resting his free hand on the mattress beside you. Driving deeper and deeper. The pressure in the pit of your stomach began to build quickly. "I- I'm so close," you whimper, reaching out to cup his face in a yearning kiss.

"Me too, can you hold it baby?"

You can't respond, the pleasure overcoming you, you forget your name, you forget everything except him and the way he feels. Your eyes are squeezed shut as you twist away from him. he keeps you in place with a light grip on your throat. Tears roll down your cheeks, Eddie kisses them away, "Come on pretty girl, cum for me."

It hit you like a FUCKING title wave. You felt frozen yet your body was convulsing, as Eddie's hips faltered, finishing in the condom. He fucked you through it, when your body stilled he pulled out, and threw out the rubber. "Don't go Eddie please, don't go." You cried curling into yourself, the intensity of your orgasm making your brain foggy.

"I'm right here sweetheart, it's ok, I'm not going anywhere." he brushed your sweaty hair away from your face. Rubbing your side, laying next to you. You wrapped around him, and he clung to you just as tight, rolling over, firmly rubbing up and down your back. "Let's get you showered and sobered up."

"How do you do that?" you asked tilting your head up to face him.

"Step one, we order pizza,"

"and step two?" you coax

"We cuddle for the rest of the night until you fall asleep safely in my arms." He smiled down at you. You giggled happily as you both stood walking hand in hand to the much-needed shower.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMFG this is honestly so refreshing from writing college essays... hope this holds you over until I finish the Billy fic. Stay freaky, B. <3

[fitzverse]

Anyone wanna see the 20 minute rant my toxic friend sent to me, explaining why they and everyone hates me. TW: it is alot. 

(THIS IS VERY VERY TRIGGERING!!!!  trigger warnings: mentions of SH, scars, tr4uma, su!c!de, cyb3rbully!ng, mentions of dr!nking, mentions of w33d, mentions of being h!gh, mentions of being drvnk, codependancy, manipulation, getting b3at up, strong words of hate, isolation.

(LAST WARNING!!!!)

“okay. so basically ive been genuinely sick of you for awhile. like all you do is follow me and austin and all the boys around like a fucking puppydog, then complain that no one likes you and how im your only friend or wtv. like it genuinely pisses me and everyone else off. maki literally said he dislikes you, seven is literally dating someone in grade 12 and never liked you and said yall never went on a date, hunter and austin both complain abt you, sully literally hates you, and ive been sick of you for awhile. you showed me your scars outta no where one time, which was incredibly triggering in of itself, you say you have all these mental illnesses which is kinda odd how you just share them with the whole class?? and its also kinda odd you share your suicidal thoughts and attempts to the whole class??? you got mad at annika for a completely stupid reason as she was right and trying to be protective. i quite literally hate you and have for awhile. Briah also seems sick of you. Like your genuinely such a dick. your toxic, as well. you tell me to stop being friends with one of my friends, just bc you disliked them? regardless of if they were a dick to you, they are my friends. i have many friends like him. and you can tell the whole school abt it bc i do nothing they do, im just friends with them. your friends with sully regardless of his past. do i care? no. heather is also completely sick of you, literally based on her expression when she talks to u i can tell. i dont even understand how you got with heather. and genuinely what the fuck is glitchself. I understand he/they/it but what is glitchself. you also constantly complain about how your high or how ur drunk or whatever. then you post abt all ur issues and lifestories online, for some odd reason. I dont even understand why. sure, i go through shit, do i post it on my tiktok or instagram announcing it to everyone who follows you or sees your profile. no. its just so odd. go ahead  and tell the whole school abt me if you want, i have so much shit on you that idk if you even wanna do that. also, you can go ahead and beat me up. go for it. honestly, all bark no bite. i could genuinely fucking demolish you. id like to see you even try. go ahead and cry about this on ur story or smth. i genuinely hope you never talk to me or any of us again. you got the whole school hating on you at this point. also i assume ur gonna get kai/hope involved? yeah go for it. itd be funny seeing you guys scream at me for being right. LMAO.”

[unwrittenlibrary]

i’m begging for you (take my hand)

this fic has 18+ content! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. this is for your safety and mine! please respect that. 

by continuing to read you are stating that you are over eighteen and understand this content is not meant for minors.

summary // bucky doesn’t do love, you love bucky. being friends with benefits makes sense, right? [bucky barnes x female!reader]

words // 19.0k (BUCKLE UP IT’S A LONG ONE)

warnings // modern!bucky, fwb! trope, brief love triangle (steve x reader x bucky), overall toxicity, cursing, daddy issues (bucky’s dad left), drinking, excessive use of nicknames (sweetheart/sweets/baby), oral sex (f! receiving), penetrative sex, unsafe sex (do not have unprotected sex!), spitting, thigh riding, bucky has a metal arm but it’s not explained why (it was a car accident & that is already known by reader)

notes // title from willow by taylor swift (this fic was originally titled heartbeat and inspired by childish gambino’s song of the same name) i just could not get modern bucky not knowing how to deal with feelings out of my head & it became this catastrophe [ive never written 18+ before so pls be gentle in your judgement of those scenes omg] happy reading! 

if you enjoy this, reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated (especially when pieces take this much work)

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

“To Bucky Barnes, my now forever lawyer.” You hold out your wine glass and he meets you halfway in a cheers. Bucky laughs brightly as you praise him. “And now my sugar daddy, since he makes an insane amount of money as senior associate.” 

The two of you are halfway through your second bottle of wine. “I’ve been a lawyer for four years. I’m just now becoming your go-to?” He holds a hand to his chest in faux hurt. 

You lean towards him as you laugh. “I needed to make sure you were a good lawyer. Get me off murder charges good.” It feels like the two of you have been scooting closer to each other all night. 

“Sweetheart, you know I’d be there to help you hide the body if you needed me to.” He leans towards you in a conspiratorial whisper. Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips before snapping back up. “Then get you off the charges.” He breathes out. 

You can feel his breath on your face. The scent of red wine hits your noise and you can see it staining his lips. You want to kiss him so desperately, but you just can’t make the first move. You don’t think you could handle that rejection. 

“I’m gonna kiss you.” He says quietly, his eyes scanning over your face for any sign of rejection. You swallow thickly before nodding. “Okay.” You whisper back before letting out a nervous giggle. 

Bucky’s hand comes up to rest against your cheek. Its coldness relieves some of the heat that’s risen to underneath your skin from his proximity and the wine you’ve consumed. 

Your eyes slide shut as he leans in. His nose nudging against yours before you feel his lips. You bring your hand up to rest on his chest. His lips are softer than you expected and taste like the wine they’re stained with. It’s everything you’ve dreamed of when dreaming of kissing Bucky. 

He pulls away and looks at you with half lidded eyes. “You’re so pretty.” He mumbles. You feel heat crawl up the back of your neck at the honesty in his tone. He presses a kiss against your jaw. Then your neck. Your head falls to the side to allow him better access. 

It’s easy to move into his lap when his hands grip at your hips. “Fuck.” Bucky moans as you grind down against him. You throw your head back in a moan as his lips trail down from your jaw to your neck. 

“Shit.” You say breathlessly as his hands run up and down your sides. Your hands drop down and begin to work on his jeans button and zipper. Bucky lets out a groan when they brush against his already hard dick. 

You stand from his lap and he pulls his jeans off while you move to unbutton your top. As you work on the shirt, Bucky’s hands reach out to undo your own jeans. When you’re standing in nothing but underwear in front of him, Bucky isn’t doing anything but staring. The heat in his eyes makes you feel flush and goes straight to your core. “Fuck. You’re gorgeous.” He says quietly.

You crawl back into his lip and Bucky’s hands find you again immediately. You rub against him and both of you moan at the slight relief it offers. Bucky’s hand drifts down between you two and he begins to rub over your clothed clit.

You grind down on his hand and let out a whine. “More. More. Please.” You whisper. Bucky laughs softly at you before slipping his hand into your underwear and running a finger over your slit. “Oh my god.” Your head falls to rest on his shoulder.

“That’s it. You look so good like this, sweetheart.” He murmurs into your hair. The praise makes you moan as you grind down against him again desperate for more.

You pull back to look at him, one of your hands tangled in the hair at the back of his head. In a breathless tone you say, “Fuck me.”

Bucky groans. “Oh shit.” His hips buck up against you. “Yeah. Okay.” He pushes you off of his lap gently and moves to pull his briefs off. You follow suit and pull your underwear off.

“Come here.” He groans as he pulls you back over his lap. You giggle as he presses a flurry of kisses across your chest. He holds a hand out in front of you, “Spit.” He orders.

You glance at him in shock before following the order. His eyes roll back as he watches you before he moves to use the spit to lube himself up. “Fuck me. Please.” You whisper to him as he teases your entrance.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Bucky slips into you and you both let out loud moans. “Fuck. Fuck. You feel so good.” His forehead rests against your chest as both of you relish in the feeling for a moment. After a few seconds of shaky breathing, you yank at his hair gently so he’s forced to look at you again. A smirk spreads across his face at the feeling and you smile down at him, “Gonna fuck me? Or are we just sit here?” You tease. 

Bucky’s hands grip your hips tightly and he steadies his feet on the ground. “Yeah, sweets. ‘M gonna fuck you.”

》•

Your eyes focus in on Wanda as she waves a hand in front of your face. You can feel your body grow hot at the memory of Bucky and you. “What’s on your mind? You’ve been zoning out all night.” She laughs softly.

“Bucky and I had sex last night.” You blurt out, unable to keep it to yourself any longer. You swallow tightly when Wanda’s eyes brighten in excitement before confusion takes over.

She watches your face, like she can tell something was wrong, and doesn’t move to do anything for a second. When she does speak, it’s hesitant. “You’ve liked him since we were in school. Is this good or bad?”

You frown. She was right, you had liked Bucky since he had come barreling into your life senior year of college with bright eyes, mischievous smiles and maybe too many issues to ever be in a real relationship. You had sat through his flings and tried to move on with you own, but every guy had ended up being jealous of Bucky or too boring compared to him.

“He doesn’t-” You suck in a deep breath. “He doesn’t want a relationship.” You say quietly. You take another sip of your wine when Wanda reaches over with pity filled eyes and grabs a hold of your hand.

She shakes her head like she doesn’t understand what you’ve just said to her. “What do... What do you mean?” 

You run your hands over your face in despair. “I don’t... We had like two bottles of wine and we hooked up.” You look up at her with tearful eyes. “When I woke up this morning, he went on about how he loved me and he didn’t want to hurt me.” 

Wanda’s watching you with wide eyes. “Start from the beginning. What did he say? Are you sure he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship?” She’s shaking her head in disbelief. 

You take a deep breath before launching into the story. 

His bed is empty when you wake up. Your stomach sinks as you stare at his bedroom door left ajar. You can hear him in the kitchen talking, but you can’t quite make out what he’s saying. 

You take a deep breath before getting up. You had hoped he would sleep in with you. That cuddling in the morning would lead to confessions of hidden feelings. Your hopes diminished as you creeped down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

“No.” Bucky sounds anxious as he talks into the phone. “I’m telling you. I fucked up.” You step in the kitchen and he glances over his shoulder with wide eyes. “I’ve got to go. Bye.” He hangs up abruptly and turns to you with a tense smile. 

You give him a small smile in return. “Morning.” You tug at the hem of his t-shirt nervously as he stares at you. “We should-”

“I wanted to-” The two of you laugh awkwardly as you speak over one another. You hold your hand towards him. “You go first.” You move to sit at one of counter’s barstools. 

Bucky’s watching you with wary eyes and if his words to whoever was on that phone weren’t warning enough, this new demeanor around you certainly is. “You’re my best friend.” He comes to stand directly across from you. “And I care about you a lot. You’re one of the most important women in my life. I don’t want to ruin our relationship.” 

You nod slowly as he attempts to reject you kindly. If it weren’t so painful, you might laugh at how awkward he looks. “It’s not...” You trail off unsure of what to say. “Bucky, it’s not that serious. We’re fine.” You reach your hand across the counter palm up for him to take. 

His brows furrow. “You’re not mad at me?” He asks in confusion. “I thought-”

You shake your fingers and he smiles before holding your hand tightly in his. “It was consensual. With a guy I trust with my life. And it was great sex. I’m not mad at you.” You smile reassuringly. 

It’s not a lie. Not at all. Everything you said was true, you had just left out the part where you had been hoping for more. But you could get over this. A one time fling. You could survive it as long as you didn’t lose him. 

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” Bucky’s shoulders relax. The tension on his face transforms into a cocky smirk. “Great sex?” 

“That’s...” Wanda trails off as she digests your words. “Why didn’t you tell him how you feel?” She asks. 

You look at her with wide eyes. “What do you mean why didn’t I tell him? Should we start with me overhearing him telling someone how much he fucked up or his rejection for dummies speech?” You laugh sarcastically. 

Wanda gives you apologetic eyes. “How can you be sure he was talking to the person on the phone about you?” You scrunch your nose up at her and she sighs. “Okay, whatever. At least now you know he doesn’t want a relationship! You can move on and find someone with a bigger dick.” 

“Wanda!” You can’t help but laugh. You give her an appreciative smile before letting out a sigh.  “I don’t know... I guess I just always thought we’d end up together. It’s stupid.”

You trace your finger around the base of your wine glass. Wanda watches you for a moment before flagging down a waitress. She looks at you with a twinkle in her eye. “Can I get a round of tequila shots, please?” She asks. 

The waitress nods before walking away. “We’re going to get you drunk and make you forget all about Bucky Barnes.” 

You laugh softly. “Yes please.” 

》

Four glasses of wine and two rounds of shots leaves you struggling to get the key into your apartment door’s lock. 

“Fuck.” You mutter when you push too hard and the keys clatter against the floor. You sigh deeply before bending down to pick them. You lay one palm flat against your door in an attempt to steady your shaky feet as the other reaches for your keys. 

Then you’re falling forward and your shoulder hits the floor harshly. “Jesus, sweetheart. I thought you were some weirdo trying to break in.” You groan as you look up and see Bucky staring down at you with furrowed brows. 

He’s wearing nothing but sweatpants, his metal arm and abs on full display for you. You give him a dopey smile. “Hey, handsome.” 

He laughs loudly. It’s bright and contagious and makes you giggle as he bends down to lift you to your feet. “Missed you tonight.” He says softly as he wraps his arm around your waist.

You allow yourself to rest your bodyweight on him, knowing he’s strong enough to lead you to your room. His soft words leave you feeling like you’re floating. It’s like the night before had never happened. 

“Missed you too.” You whisper. Your words are slurred, not that you can change that, but you know he understands them. He presses a kiss to your head in response as he leads you down the hall and into a room. 

The room is spinning around you, but you know it’s Bucky’s from the blank walls and dark furniture. Bucky sits you down on the edge of his bed and your fingers immediately grip his comforter tightly. “Why’d you bring me here?” Your grip is the only thing that keeps you from falling backwards onto his bed. 

You try to focus your eyes on him, but he’s moving around the room too fast. From what you think is his dresser then his closet. “I’ve got to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit tonight.” 

“‘M not gonna get sick.” You mumble as he comes to a stop in front of you. He holds out a pile of clothes to you. “I have my own clothes in my own room.” You stare up at him defiantly. 

You can see Bucky push his tongue against the inside of his cheek, a tell that he was getting a little annoyed. “C’mon sweets. Just put the clothes on and get in bed.” 

He’s still holding the clothes out in front of you. His earlier rejection running through your mind. “I’m not having sex with you tonight.” You blurt out. You would have never said the words sober, but you didn’t want him to think it would become a recurring thing. 

Bucky laughs awkwardly and drops the clothes on the bed beside you. “I’m not trying to have sex with you. I’m trying to take care of you and make sure you don’t die in your sleep.” 

Your eyes narrow, but you feel far too dizzy to actually get up and move to your room to prove a point. You lift your arms and look up at Bucky, “Help?” 

He smiles victoriously and reaches for the hem of your shirt. You can see his eyes trail over your bralette and feel your cheeks warm, but you blame that on the alcohol. 

“Do you want to sleep in this?” He whispers as his fingers trail over one of the straps. You shiver as one of his cold fingers presses into your skin and leaves goosebumps in its wake. 

You bite down on your lip, but nod your head. “I’ll be fine in it.” 

He nods and you raise your arms again as he slips one of his black t-shirts onto you. It’s soft and smells like him leaving you warm all over and suddenly tired. Your head falls so your chin is resting against your chest. 

Bucky kneels down in front of you. “Is it okay if I take your jeans off? So I can put sweatpants on you?” He moves his head so you’re forced to make eye contact with him as his hands come to rest on your stomach. He fiddles with your jean’s button, but doesn’t move to actually undo it yet. 

You nod softly before falling backwards onto the bed. Bucky’s hands move quickly as he unbuttons and unzips your jeans. There’s a sharp inhale once he gets your jeans off, but you ignore it.  

“Sweetheart.” You lift your hips when you feel his sweatpants get stuck underneath you. “Thank you.” He says quietly.  

“What did you do tonight?” You mumble as you move around his bed to crawl under the comforter. You wait until he’s situated beside you before pulling the blanket up to cover the bottom half of your face. 

He pulls the blanket down and holds out a wipe. “You complain when I let you fall asleep with the makeup.” 

Your eyes flicker to his in brief shock, unaware of how much he actually listened to you. “Than...Thank you.” You begin to wipe it across your face. It’s not your normal routine, but it was better than nothing. “Tell me about your night.” 

Bucky moves so he’s sitting against his headboard. “I just waited for you all night.” He shrugs. 

You drop the wipe onto the side table. “Shut up. What did you really do?” You shove gently at his shoulder. Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist and he pulls you into him. 

He’s stronger when you’re sober, so your drunk body falls into his side easily and you wrap an arm around his waist. “I’m telling you the truth, sweets. I just waited all night for you.” He presses a kiss to your temple. 

You look up from his chest to find him looking down at you with soft eyes. He’s being kind and you’re sure all that he can think of is how happy he is that your friendship hasn’t been ruined. 

But all you can think about is how no matter how soft he is with you, he still doesn’t want to be with you. No matter how much he says he loves you and misses you, it’s not the sam way you mean it. It leaves a crack in your heart that you’re unsure will ever be healed. 

》•

She’s pretty. You think bitterly as you watch from across the room. 

Bucky’s firm had a party every few months for donors. Bucky hated them. He always complained that schmoozing wasn’t his specialty, law was, so you were usually dragged along as his plus one to “Keep me from dying of boredom, please.” 

You usually didn’t mind. Bucky flirted for money, you got to enjoy to open bar to cope with his non-existent feelings for you. Tonight felt even worse. 

You force yourself to look away and look back down at the drink in front of you. You’re glad Wanda isn’t there to look at you with the same pity filled eyes that you had been getting since revealing the details of your hook up, but you wish you had someone to turn to. 

“You look great in that dress.” Your head whips up at the familiar voice. Steve is smiling at you sweetly and you can tell he’s keeping his eyes respectfully on yours. “Definitely your color.” 

You laugh. You and Steve weren’t particularly close, he was a childhood friend and you were college. The two of you really only spent time together in groups or with Bucky there. “Thank you, Mr. Rogers.” You tease. 

“Please.” He throws his head back in an over dramatic groan. “Steve! So many people have called me Mr. Rogers tonight I’m going to fall into an identity crisis.” 

You give him an ill-suppressed smile. “Thank you, Steve.” He sits down in the barstool next to you and waves the bartender over. 

“Water for me and…” He glances at the empty glass in front of you, “another glass of wine for her?” His voice ends in a question and he smiles brightly when you nod. 

“I could be wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be flirting with rich women to fund your pro bono cases?” You run a finger around the base of your glass. 

Steve’s eyes trail from your manicured nails up to your teasing smile. He swallows and forces out a soft laugh. “I’m not too good at the flirting that’s uh-.” He looks over his shoulder before looking back at you with kind eyes. 

You ignore his insinuation. Ignore the idea of Bucky and Steve feeling pity for you over Bucky. “Everyone deserves a break.” 

The man in front of you gives you a relieved smile. “And what better way to take a break than talk to a pretty girl?” 

You smile sweetly. “You could get 100k easily with that charm.” Steve throws his head back in a laugh and his arm lands on the back of your seat when he leans back in. 

You find yourself leaning in too. He’s got a nice laugh and sweet personality. You can feel the warmth radiating off of him and it’s relaxing. 

For a moment, Bucky is forgotten as Steve gives you all his attention, the first person to do so all night.

》•

Bucky stops to stand next to Sam as he takes a sip of his drink. His eyes scan over the party in search of you. 

“Good for Steve.” Sam says into his glass before taking a sip of his drink. Bucky’s eyes cut to him in question. Sam nods in front of him and Bucky’s eyes settle on you at the bar. With Steve. 

“What do you mean good for Steve?” Bucky asks. He can’t take his eyes off of you as Steve slides a glass of wine towards you. 

Sam shrugs nonchalantly. “He’s had a crush on her since that Halloween party last year.” 

Bucky’s mind drifts to you in your skin tight superhero costume. He wasn’t blind, he had seen the guys who had come up to you and their eyes that had trailed after you. 

“He hasn’t said anything to me.” He feels a surge of pride at the fact that he can’t explain when he thinks of how at the end of the night, you had come home alone with him, content to sit on the couch and watch horror movies. “He’s not her type.” He adds on after a moment of silence. 

Bucky isn’t too confident in his words though. Steve seemed to be the perfect kind of guy for you. Kind, funny, made good money, and was always the guy who listened with open ears. Bucky just couldn’t fathom you with anybody that… He doesn’t know, but he knows Steve doesn’t feel right.

Sam snorts. “Yeah. Try telling you about wanting to take her out? He’d rather live.” Bucky watches as Steve leans in closer to whisper something into your ear. 

He feels rage surge through him, but forces himself to stay in his spot. “Not like we’re dating. He could have told me if he wanted to. Or made a move.” He wasn’t sure why he felt so angry about you and Steve. It wasn’t like you two were dating, he hadn’t lied to Sam.

Sam looks at Bucky like he’s grown two heads. “Come on, Buck. Not dating? You call her all these nicknames, never let other people flirt with her, always take her home.” 

“We live together.” Bucky defends weakly. His mind drifts to kissing you while wine drunk. He shakes his head. “Of course I take her home.” 

Sam looks a little bemused as he asks, “Are you two seriously not dating?” 

“Of course not! She’s my best friend.” He glances at Sam before looking back over at Steve. You’re leaning in too. It’s not like he was lying, the two of you weren’t dating. But he had brought you as his date tonight and he’ll be damned if Steve weasels his way into your heart. 

“I was just cur-“ Bucky shoves his empty glass into Sam’s hand before beginning to make his way through the crowd towards you. 

He can vaguely hear Sam shout a goodbye, but all he can focus on is getting your attention onto him and off of Steve. 

》

You feel him before you see him. His hand trailing up your back before landing on the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. His grip isn’t tight, but it makes you shiver. 

“What’s going on here?” His voice is a possessive drawl and you look up at him with a confused smile. 

You sit up straighter and Steve immediately pulls away. His blue eyes follow Bucky’s arm to his face and they narrow. “Just keeping her company. Noticed you were busy, so…” Steve trails off with a shrug.

Bucky’s grip on you tightens. “Well, I’m here now. You can go back to schmoozing.” He nods his head in the direction of the party, but Steve doesn’t budge. 

You’re extremely confused by Bucky’s sudden possessiveness over your attention and turn to him with an annoyed glare. “Actually, Steve was telling me about how that’s your specialty. He’s far too sweet to mindlessly flirt. ” 

You feel Steve’s shocked gaze on you, because he had definitely not said that, but you don’t look away from Bucky. His glare melts into a sickly sweet smile as he turns to look at his childhood friend. “That so?” 

Part of you feels bad for pushing Steve into the middle of whatever this tension was between you and Bucky. But you can’t ignore the pleasure that rushes through you as Bucky’s grip tightens and his attention focuses solely on you for the first time all night. 

Steve looks back and forth between you two before he stands from his seat. “It was nice seeing you.” He leans down and presses a kiss to your cheek before slapping a hand against Bucky’s back. “See you later, punk.”

You swallow as Bucky moves to take Steve’s now unoccupied seat. He orders a drink and you can only watch in shock as moves around so casually. When he finally looks back at you he just looks confused by your silence. 

“What’s up?” He asks with a smile. 

You roll your eyes at him. “What was that?” You gesture in the direction Steve had gone before looking at him with wide eyes. 

Bucky looks down at his drink and shrugs. “Didn’t want anyone bothering you.” 

“Anyone bothering me? That was Steve!” You laugh incredulously. “I know Steve. You know Steve. He was keeping me company.” You can’t wrap your head around his random behavior. 

Bucky shakes his head like you’re the one who’s being confusing and acting weird. “You just looked a little uncomfortable. I came to your rescue.” He gulps down the rest of his drink. 

“My rescue?” You shake your head at him. “Buck, it was Steve. Steve Rogers is one of the most polite men in New York.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “He likes you. Sam said he was definitely trying to make a move on you.” He immediately feels bad for blurting out Steve’s secret, but he just can’t let it go. 

You scrunch your face up in confusion before letting out a breath. “That’s not your secret to tell.” You grab your clutch and stand up quickly. “Why would that even matter anyways?” You look down at him now, he’s still sitting on the barstool. He won’t look up at you.

“Can we just go home?” He asks quietly as he taps his fingers against the bar counter. You bite down on your lip before finally nodding. “Fine.” He lets out a sigh before standing to follow you. 

You’re shocked when you feel his fingers slip in between yours as the two of you walk towards the elevators. Holding hands with Bucky wasn’t new, per say, you’d done it at bars to get out of creepy guys flirting with you, amusement parks so as to not lose one another, but this… This felt different, softer and more insecure. 

You swallow before squeezing his hand in return. You hear the relieved breath he lets out as the two of you stop in front of the closed elevator doors. 

He whispers your name with a tug of your hand. You turn to look at him as the two of you step into the empty elevator. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to screw things up with Steve. I just… I don’t know.” 

Your heart breaks a little. You weren’t sure what you expected. Maybe an admission of jealousy, that Bucky realized he didn't want you with Steve or any other guy, he wanted you with him. But the words never came and you feel stupid for letting your hopes get the best of you.

You shrug. “It’s fine, Buck.” The elevator is slow in its descent. You almost groan when you see how high you are and the fifteen floors left to go down. “I don’t like Steve… I just… It was nice to have some company. You were busy all night.” 

You try to hide the emotion in your voice, but Bucky can hear it. He can see it too, written on your face as you try to keep your eyes on the descending numbers. 

Your words cause a wave of relief to crash over him. You didn’t like Steve. You didn’t like Steve. He felt bad for his friend, but not bad enough to stop his next move.

He tugs at your hand again. The elevator is almost all the way down if you could just ignore him for a few more seconds-

His lips are on yours before you even have a chance to think about why he’s pulling you towards him. You’re still with shock, your hands clasped between you two, as Bucky kisses you. 

You don’t kiss back, too stunned to. Bucky pulls back when the elevator finally dings and you try to rush out only to be stopped when you realize you’re still attached to Bucky’s hand. 

“What the fuck was that?” You hiss. “You can’t just… Just flip out about Steve flirting, tell me you’re not jealous and then kiss me!” You yell.

Bucky swallows thickly and glances around the empty lobby. “I… It…”

You stare at him with lifted brows waiting for an explanation. “You need to figure your shit out, Buck. I said I was fine if you wanted it to be a one time thing but I’m not here for you to yank around.” 

“I’m not trying to yank you around!” Bucky defends. “I just… What if it wasn’t just a one time thing?” He asks quietly, his voice almost a whisper. 

You want to cry. “Wh...What?” You ask with a shake of your head. 

“I feel like such a dick.” He admits taking a hesitant step closer to you. When you don’t move away, he places a hand on your cheek. “Stuff with work has been so stressful lately and… and I never have the time or energy to do anything. The other night, with you, was the most relaxed I’ve been in a while.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’ve been thinking of us helping each other out.” 

“Like a friends with benefits thing?” You blurt out when you realize where he was going with this. 

He nods. “I just… Got to thinking after you left that morning. It was great sex, best I’ve had in a while.” You swallow and your eyes dart away a little embarrassed. “And I know you and don’t have to worry about you giving me some disease. We live together and we wouldn’t have to go out or wait for some random hook up.” 

You can’t really wrap your head around his words. “But you don’t want… You don’t want to have a relationship?” 

“You know me.” He laughs tensely. “Not a relationship guy. I love you, you’re my best friend, but-“

“That’s good.” Your blurt, already regretting the words. “I mean, I love you, you’re my best friend too, you know? Neither of us really have time for one anyways and… Life is stressful.” 

“You… You want to? Do the benefits thing?” Bucky looks like he can’t believe that you’re agreeing. Quite honestly, you can’t really believe the words coming out of your mouth either. 

Because you liked Bucky. You had for so long now it felt like it was a piece of you. You were sure you loved him. You were sure he didn’t feel the same way and this… This was a way to be with him, no matter how fucked up it may be. 

And life was stressful. A full time job with New York City rent and bills. You hated going out. You hate hook ups, they always left you disgruntled and disappointed. Bucky had… Bucky had been good. The best, probably. And it would be nice to have someone other than yourself every once in a while. 

“Yeah.” You whisper. “I… I want to. I’m kind of sick of my hand.” 

Bucky snorts then laughs and it immediately calms you down. He was still your Bucky. Just with the added bonus of sex. “Me too, sweets.” 

He presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you into a hug. You suck in a deep breath. “I think you said something about going home.” You mumble into his suit jacket. 

“Yeah.” He whispers back, tilting your chin up to look up. He smirks down at you. “I did.” 

》

“Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as Bucky kisses down your chest. “Please, Buck.” You whimper when his right hand comes up and begins to play with your nipple. 

He doesn’t respond, his tongue flicking over your other nipple. You’re arching your back into him, it feels good, but you want more. His left hand is settled on your hip and you want it on you in a different way. 

You groan when he pulls away to look at you. “What do you want, sweetheart? You gotta tell me or I won’t be able to give it to you.” His tone is sweet, but he’s looking at you with blown pupils and a cocky smile. 

“Your fingers, Buck, please.” You try to lift your hips up a little, but his left hand keeps you pressed against his mattress. You look at him pleadingly when he still doesn’t move. “Please, James.” You murmur. 

You didn’t call him by his first name often, he had introduced himself as Bucky and you hadn’t even learned it until a few months later. Sometimes you pulled it out to tease him, but tonight… You wanted to see if it would push him. 

“Fuck.” He mutters, leaning over you and beginning to press a line of kisses down your stomach all the way to your pelvic bone. “Fuck, that’s hot. Say it again.” 

You throw your head back in a moan when his hand begins to rub you through your panties. “James. I need you to-“ 

“Gonna give you more than my fingers, sweets.” He hooks fingers in the waistband of your panties and yanks them down. “Finally gonna get a taste of you, if that’s okay.” He glances at you and you nod hastily.

“God. Yes, please.” Your eyes flutter shut as his hands force your thighs open. His grip on you is tight and harsh and makes your entire body tingle. 

“So pretty.” He murmurs just watching you. If you weren’t so turned on you would be embarrassed by his stare, but his words just make you even more desperate for him. He settles on his stomach, head between your thighs. He begins to bite and kiss his way up your inner thigh. “Been thinking about this since you let me fuck you, sweetheart.” He admits in a murmur before finally putting his mouth on you. “Thinking about how you taste.”

“Oh shit.” You moan, a combination of the pleasure of his tongue and his words giving you butterflies. “Yes. Fuck.” 

“Knew you’d taste good.” He moans, the words go straight to your core and he knows it. He knows what he’s doing. His hands gripping at your hips tightly, thumbs rubbing calming circles into your skin. He flicks his tongue over your sensitive spot and your back arches. “So good.” You murmur breathily. Your hands are clutching the bed sheets as you try to grind your hips up. 

Bucky pulls one hand away, it gives you a little more freedom to move but not much, and begins to tease you with a finger. 

“Yes. Please, your fingers.” You beg him. Bucky chuckles against you, sending hot breath and a small vibration straight to your core. It feels good, he’s good. 

He pulls away slightly and you whine. “Come on, sweets.” He urges, pushing his finger into you. You moan at the feeling. “What happened to calling me James? Said I liked it.” He adds another, your slick heat allowing them easily.

“James.” You look down at him with blown pupils. Bucky almost comes right there, his fingers inside of you, your chest heaving and you looking at him like that. “James. Please. Want your mouth on me again.” 

Now that you’ve started saying his name, it’s like you can’t stop. The name tumbles out of your mouth like a prayer. He rewards you for it though, his mouth is back on you, licking over you steadily, and you can feel the tension in your stomach the closer and closer you get. 

“So good.” Bucky murmurs into your skin. You moan out again. “Gonna come for me, sweetheart?” He pulls away to ask, his breath fanning across your skin. Your hips buck up towards him in desperation and Bucky groans. “Come on, sweets. Can you come for me? Please.” 

He curves his fingers and flicks his tongue over your already sensitive bud again and your back arches. “Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as your orgasm washes over you. Bucky works you through it and your legs are shaking by the time he pulls his mouth away to smile cheekily at you. 

“I like it when you call me James.” He whispers as he crawls up towards you. You roll you eyes with a tired smile. He fingers trace circles over you stomach. “You tired?”

You nod your head. Your eyes trail over his body, his hard dick making an obvious tent in his briefs. You smirk at him, your hand moving to trail down from his stomach to his dick. Bucky moans as your hand grips him. 

“Still want you to fuck me though.”

》•

Bucky thinks maybe the two of you should establish some ground rules. No dates, if you sleep with somebody else let the other know, use protection, don’t fall asleep together. 

But he can’t imagine the two of you not having your regular Sunday breakfasts together after his runs or forcing you out of his room when the two of you had shared beds long before this ever happened. 

So, he ignores it. He decides to enjoy your warmth in his bed and assumes you’re not seeing anybody else. It’s good. It works, even if his friends think he’s being an idiot. 

Steve is on one side while Sam is on his other and they’ve both been standing in silence now that Bucky has finished explaining what happened when the two of you left the party.

He feels bad when he sees Sam’s eyes flicker to Steve in confusion, but Steve’s face holds more pity than annoyance. It makes Bucky feel uncomfortable in his spot as he takes a sip of water.

“I don’t understand why you’re not calling her your girlfriend.” Steve finally says. 

Bucky rolls his shoulders with an annoyed sigh. “I just said. We’re both busy with work and friends, there’s no time for relationships. This works for the both of us. We don’t have to rely on shitty hookups and we trust each other.” 

Steve gives Bucky a look that screams you’re an idiot while Sam just laughs loudly. “You have to know how ridiculous that sounds, dude.” Sam slaps a hand against Bucky’s back. “You guys live together. You have all the time in the world to actually date each other. I thought you guys were dating each other with how you act. you’re having sex now and you still won’t call her your girlfriend?” He asks incredulously. 

“I...I don’t want a relationship. It leads to marriage and kids and fights.” Bucky shudders. “No thanks. This way I get great sex and my best friend.”

Steve sighs heavily. “She deserves better than that, Buck. You know that.” His voice is full of disappointment. The same tone Bucky has been getting for years when it came to his relationships. 

“Like you?” His tone is defensive and his words are meaner than they should be. Bucky knows all Steve wants is for his friends to be happy. “She’s a grown woman. She can decide who she wants to have sex with.” 

“Come on, Buck. You’re not an idiot. She’s had a crush on you for years.” Steve lets out an exasperated sigh. “This is a great way to drive her away and lose her for good.” 

“I’m not-”

“All,” Steve raises his voice to cut Bucky off, “I’m saying is she’ll figure out this isn’t what she wants and find someone who can give it to her. Then you’ll be left in the dust realizing what an idiot you were for letting your irrational fears talk you out of being with her.”

Bucky runs his tongue over his lips. “Who? Are you gonna steal her?” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Will it be stealing when you’re the one who drives her away?”

》

His bed is empty when you wake up, but that’s no surprise, you knew Bucky ran Sunday mornings with the guys. You almost expect to feel more shame or pain over falling into this friends with benefits thing. But, you feel okay. Bucky was still your best friend. Just with mind-blowing sex. He didn’t kick you out at night and didn’t seem put off by you. 

Your phone vibrates somewhere in his room from the inside of your clutch. You groan and finally move to sit up. Bucky has picked your things up and folded everything into a neat pile on the top of his dresser. Your clutch is sitting on the top of the pile and you can see the vibrations of your phone shaking it slightly. 

You pick his shirt up from the floor and slide it on before reaching for your underwear underneath the clutch. 

When you pull your phone out you see a few missed calls from Wanda, one last night the one you’ve just missed. You crawl into Bucky’s bed again and call her back. 

“Hey!” You smile at Wanda’s voice. “I called you last night, but I forgot you had that lawyer thing.” You can imagine her nose scrunching up in disgust at the idea. 

You mess with a loose thread on the comforter. “Yeah. Buck dragged me along.” There’s silence on the other end. You sigh heavily. “Shit. Wanda. You’ll never guess what I did last night.” 

Your eyes take in the room. Bucky doesn’t have many decorations or knick knacks, but he has a couple pictures sitting on his nightstand. You move to his side of the bed and pick one of them up. 

“You go home together?” Wanda doesn’t need to guess, there’s a twinge of disappointment in her voice but all you can focus on is the sadness you hear. Like she’s just hurting for you at this point. 

You stare down at the photo in your hand. It’s from Bucky’s last birthday. “We live together.” You defect. The photo is the two of you sitting at your kitchen counter with two glasses of wine in front of you. The wine is red and you can faintly see it staining both of your lips. His arm is wrapped loosely around your waist and you’re pressing a kiss his cheek. The photo makes your heart ache. “You sleep in your room?” Wanda laughs. You drop the photo on the bed in front of you. “You’ve gotta tell him. Tell him how you feel, really.” She urges you. 

You’re shaking your head even though she can’t see you. “It’ll ruin everything.” You say quietly. Losing him would be worse than loving him like this. “We... We agreed on a benefits thing last night. I think it can work.” 

“That’s a great way to get hurt.” Wanda says. You glance at the other picture he has sitting on his nightstand. 

It’s a photo of him and Steve. The two of them are children standing with hands wrapped tightly around the straps of their backpacks and they’ve got bright smiles on their faces. You smile at the sight, both boys happy, carefree and full of life.

Bucky’s left arm is still flesh in the photograph. He doesn’t talk about the accident much, he had come out with one arm and a completely changed person. Sometimes you wonder if things would be different if it had never happened.

You hear the front door slam shut. “I’ve gotta go! I’ll talk to you later.” You hang up before Wanda can say anything else. You leave the picture frame sitting in the bed, moving quickly from Bucky’s room to your own. 

》•

Bucky’s bedroom door is open when he gets home, but you’re nowhere to be found. Your clothes still sit on his dresser and there’s a picture frame partially covered by his comforter that makes Bucky pause.

It’s his favorite picture of you two, wine stained lips and happiness radiating off of you. He wonders what had made you grab it and what had made you drop it. Steve’s words come to mind she’s had a crush on you for years. 

Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He had seen the nervous smiles and bright eyes in college, he had done everything he could to stay just friends with you and it had seemed to work. You had moved on. Boyfriends and flings had come and gone, your eyes had shifted into a caring stare and you stopped nervously fidgeting with your hands around him, so Bucky had assumed your crush went away. Even now there was nothing that really stood out as you liking him. It sounded like Steve was making assumptions to mess with Bucky’s head. And it was working.

He stares at the picture for another moment before placing it back on his nightstand. Bucky wasn’t afraid of relationships, Steve was wrong, he just hated how they ended. He wasn’t afraid of holding hands or expensive dates, he was afraid of the unavoidable hurt and falling out of love that would cause him to lose you.

He couldn’t lose you.

“Bucky?” Your voice jolts him from his thoughts and his head turns from the photo to you, standing in his doorway in nothing but his t-shirt and a pair shorts. “What should we order for lunch?”

Bucky lets out a deep breath before smiling up at you. “We should get some wraps from that cafe down the block.”

“That sounds good.” You smile. Your eyes move over him and Bucky has to look away. You’ve always been good at studying him and knowing if something was up. “Everything okay?”

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m just thinking.” He offers a tense smile that makes you step further into his room. Bucky’s eyes move from your bare feet up your legs to your face that’s watching him with concerned eyes.

“That can’t be good.” You tease as you take a seat next to him. You rest your head against his shoulder and Bucky feels a little calmer with you next to him. “What’s got you spacing out like that, Buck?” You ask gently.

“You’re not…” Bucky swallows thickly and looks down at his lap. “You’re not gonna leave me, right? This isn’t gonna fuck us up?”

He feels you tense against his side and begins to panic until your hand intwines with his. “Not if we promise not to let it fuck us up. You’re my best friend, Buck. I don’t wanna lose you either.”

“I promise.” Bucky squeezes your hand. “Do you?”

You squeeze his hand in return, but don’t say anything. Bucky takes the action as promise enough.

》•

Days turn into weeks which turn into months and suddenly it’s November, fall in New York becoming winter much sooner than expected. The cold bites at your cheeks and seeps into your bones. Bucky becomes your warmth despite the constant ache in your heart at what you really are to him. 

Bucky comes into your room or you sneak into his. You ignore the looks from your friends when you all go out and don’t heed to any of Wanda’s advice.

The lines are blurred to you, because it feels like you’re in a relationship. It’s almost like you’ve fallen into one naturally. It’s not just secret sex in the middle of the night. It’s all your normal things, reading together on Sundays and watching your favorite show together Saturday nights. Only now it’s started to include footsie and make-out sessions.

There are some nights the two of you go out, whether it to be to dinner or to see a new movie, and they feel like dates. Bucky never lets you pay and holds your hand in the theater.

You almost want to ask him Why. Why aren’t we official? Why can’t you call me your girlfriend? But you’re far too afraid. For every small gesture that feels like love, there are nights out with your friends where Bucky ignores your existence or awkward introductions to coworkers you run into at the movie theater. 

Life moves on though. Day by day. Even if feels like you’re on a train moving full steam ahead towards a wall and impact is inevitable. 

It’s nice to have a taste of what it could be like to have him. 

》•

It blows up on a Thursday night, at eight thirty-two pm, to be exact. 

Bucky didn’t feel like cooking, he was relieved when you had suggested going out to grab dinner, but now he just wishes the two of you had stayed home.

There’s a tense and awkward silence as the two of you walk home. You’re about ten feet in front of him and not talking at all, it honestly looks more like he’s some creep following you home at this point. If he weren’t so upset he would probably laugh at the scene. 

If Bucky had just kept his mouth shut.

“Oh my god.” You groan, slouching down in your seat and covering your face with your hands. “Fuck.”

Bucky looks between you and the entrance of the restaurant confused by your sudden annoyance. “What’s wrong?” He asks leaning towards you.

“I went to high school with that girl.” You whisper. “We were friends until I stole her boyfriend.” You roll your eyes.

Bucky chokes on his drink mid-sip. “You stole her boyfriend? Right on! I didn’t know you had that in you.” He laughs, completely shocked by the idea of a you in high school who steals guys when all he’s ever known is the sweet, loyal girl.

“I didn’t actually steal her boyfriend!” You hiss. Bucky notices the girl do a double take when her eyes catch on you. “He broke up with her and asked me to prom two weeks later so she assumed I stole him. She hated me and made the last few months of senior year absolute shit for me.” You explain slipping further into your seat before taking a heavy sip of wine.

“Incoming.” He chuckles as she makes a beeline for your table. You sit up ramrod straight when her hand lands on your shoulder and your name comes out in a fake giggle.

“Eliza.” Your smile is equally as fake as you stand up to offer her a quick hug. “How are you?” Bucky watches with amused eyes as Eliza launches into a story about her boyfriend, who’s watching the scene with bored eyes from across the restaurant.

He smiles awkwardly when the two of you turn to face him. “This is my boyfriend, Bucky.” You smile tightly at the woman and Bucky watches uncomfortably as she trails her eyes over him. “Really?” Eliza asks.

“Just friends, actually.” Bucky can’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth with an awkward laugh.

Your eyes narrow at him before they flicker away. Bucky watches in what feels like slow motion as your shoulders hunch in and you close yourself off, absolutely embarrassed as Eliza turns to you with a proud smirk. “Is that right?” Her tone is nasty and Bucky is filled with regret immediately, but there’s nothing he can do because you’re grabbing your purse and jacket and storming away.

Eliza smiles at him. “She’s always been one for the dramatics.” Bucky shakes his head as he pulls out some bills and leaves them on the table, moving the chase after you. “Thanks.” He says to the woman sarcastically as he pushes past her.

That had lead him here, trailing after you silently, as you fume from a distance. “Sweetheart, come on.” Bucky pleads. The words make you freeze and spin around to face him. 

Bucky stumbles backwards as you walk towards him with fury in your eyes and your finger pointed at him accusingly. “Don’t call me that.” 

“I’ve always called you sweetheart,” Bucky frowns. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I just-”

“You didn’t embarrass me, James.” Bucky flinches as you spit out his first name like it’s poison. “You humiliated me. Was it really that big a deal? That I introduced you as my boyfriend? Does the idea of dating me disgust you that much?” 

Bucky throws his hands out in front of him in a defensive gesture. “No! I just... We’re not dating. You know that!” He shakes his head. “I mean, dating you doesn’t disgust me... I just... You know?” 

You raise your eyebrows at him. “No. I don’t know.” You say coldly. “It’s not like we’re not dating. You have to see that.” 

“See what?” Bucky asks, completely exasperated. “We do everything we used to do and sometimes have sex.” 

“Oh my god!” Your laugh sounds manic as you pause and look up at the sky like you’re searching for an answer. “Have you ever thought that maybe we weren’t ever just friends, Bucky? That we didn’t act like normal best friends do?” You cross your arms and look back at him. 

Yes. Bucky thinks immediately. “No!” He swallows. “I’ve always seen you as my best friend! Never... Never...” He’s dug himself a deeper and deeper hole every time he’s opened his mouth, but this is the nail in his coffin. He says your name gently, but you’re already backing away, hurt all over your face. 

“I guess I read everything wrong then.” You say quietly. “These stupid dates and us falling asleep together at night. All the holding hands and cuddling, right?” Your voice is filled with wet emotion and Bucky is sure if it wasn’t so dark outside he would see tears brimming your eyes. “You do that with all your friends. I mean nothing.”

“That’s not what I said!” Bucky exclaims. “You know you’re one of the most important women in my life. Please. Don’t do this.” He pleads. 

“I’m done. Okay? This stupid benefits thing? These friend dates, Sunday mornings together, movies? Done with all of it.” You hiss. You suck in a deep breath, like you’re preparing to deliver the final blow. Bucky braces himself. “You wanna be just friends? I’ll do you one better, we can be just roommates. That way there’s no confusion.”

Bucky can only stand still, watching as you walk away. 

》

Wanda has a kind enough heart to not say I told you so, when you show on her doorstep with mascara running down your cheeks. She just pulls you inside by your arm and wraps her softest blanket around your shoulders. 

“What happened?” She places a cup of tea on her coffee table in front of you. You can vaguely hear Vision trying to move around in the kitchen as quietly as possible. There’s an unspoken question that lingers in the air. What did Bucky do?

You sniffle. “We ran into Eliza tonight.” Wanda’s eyes widen and you nod. “I… I introduced Bucky as my boyfriend. It just slipped out, but he totally panicked and corrected me right to her face. I was so humiliated, I bolted.”

Wanda takes the seat beside you on the couch. “That’s awful. I can’t believe that idiot,” she hisses the word, “couldn’t put aside his dumb fears for five seconds and just have your back.”

You rub your eyes harshly. “That’s not the worst part of the night. I think the worst part was when he reiterated we were just friends and that he’s never seen me as anything more than that.” 

Wanda’s mouth drops open in shock and you can even hear Vision murmur something along the lines of oh shit in the kitchen. 

“Good way to get hurt, huh?” You reiterate Wanda’s words from weeks ago and her face falls into a look a pity. “I’m so stupid. Why did I even agree to doing benefits with him?”

“We all do dumb things when we love someone.” She says soothingly as she rubs her hand across your back. “I know this hurts, but look at the silver lining. Now you can move on, for real. Bucky’s made his intentions clear and you can find someone better.” 

You look at her sadly. “What if there isn’t someone better?” You almost choke on your own breath as you talk through your tears. “What if no one makes me feel that way?”

Wanda shakes her head and reaches up to grip your chin between her fingertips. It forces you to look into her blazing eyes. “Bucky’s nothing more than a man with commitment issues. We’re in New York City, there are millions of them. And for every Bucky, there’s a…a…”

“Vision.” You offer up with a teasing smile. Wanda blushes, but nods. “There’s a Vision. And yours is out there, he was just waiting for Bucky to fuck up.” 

You let out a choke laugh. “Yeah…” You trail off. “Can I crash here? I don’t think I can-“

“-Of course.” Wanda cuts you off. “For as long as you need.”

》

Bucky doesn’t even want to go inside. He just stands outside his apartment door staring blankly at the lock. It doesn’t feel like home without you there. 

You haven’t been home in three days and if it weren’t for your instagram stories with Wanda and Vision, Bucky would think you were dead.

You haven’t reached out at all, he isn’t sure if you had come by the apartment to grab personal things and when he had asked the guys if they had heard from you, Steve had just given him an I told you this would happen lecture. 

Bucky feels like a fucking idiot. Bucky is a fucking idiot. He shoves his key into the lock with a sigh. 

“Bucky?” A voice calls out. It makes him freeze in the doorway. It’s your voice. He’s sure it is. Nobody else had a key to the apartment. You pop out of the kitchen with a smile. “It is you!”

Your demeanor has done a complete flip. There’s no harsh stare or fiery eyes, just smiles. It leaves his head spinning. For the past three days he’s been trying to figure out how to make things better and you’re…fine? 

“He…hey.” He pushes the word out. “Um. What are you doing here?” 

Your brows furrow. “I live here?” You laugh softly before turning back into the kitchen. Bucky follows you dumbly, completely awestruck by your sudden reappearance. 

“I thought… I thought you were mad at me?” He asks hesitantly. 

“I was. Now I’m not.” You shrug. You move around the kitchen easily, putting groceries away that Bucky hadn’t even noticed with his entire focus on you. 

He moves towards you. “Sweetheart-“

You interrupt him with your name and suddenly the fire is back in your eyes. Oh. This isn’t Bucky’s best friend coming back into his life. 

It’s his roommate coming back home. 

Just like you had promised. 

》•

Bucky tries to catch you some days. He’ll tilt his head in an attempt to force your eyes to meet his while you talk about nothing after he gets home from work. 

You always avoid them, terrified one look into the blue you’ve loved for so long and you’ll crumble at his feet. You chatter about nothing important, the weather outside and your neighbor upstairs who always stomps around at four in the morning. 

Bucky always listens intently and you begin to feel a little guilty for cutting him out completely. You just needed some time to get over him, then one day you could come home and watch Law and Order with him again and cook dinner together. 

But for now, you pretend he’s nothing more than a roommate and like you’re not desperately in love with him. 

It’ll work. It has to work. 

》

Your name is like honey coming from Steve’s lips. He’s got a kind smile on his face as he hands over your coffee. He had slipped behind you in line at the coffee shop with a sheepish hello.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You say softly as you take it from him. “I can pay for my own coffee.” You can see the ingredients scribbled onto the side of his paper cup and it makes you smile into your sip.

Steve Rogers had a sweet tooth. 

“Day off? Or just a break?” You hold the coffee shop door open for him to follow you out onto the street. Steve gives you a thankful smile. 

“Break. I’m heading back to the office now.” He takes a sip of his drink. There were two weeks left of November and the streets of New York were doing their annual flip. Christmas lights going up too early and gloomy skies overhead.

You walk beside him, one hand shoved into your pocket. “Mind if I walk with you? I’m off today and I am so bored just sitting around the apartment.” 

“Not at all!” Steve answers quickly. There’s a slight flush on his cheeks that you attribute to the wind nipping at both your cheeks. “I could use the company of someone other than corporate lawyers.” 

You laugh at his dramatic eye roll. “You know most of your friends work at that firm.” Steve gives you an unapologetic smile. “Two friends and I can admit they can both be dicks sometimes.” 

He looks at you like he knows something and you swallow, turning to look straight ahead of you. “I disagree.” You finally say after a moment. He looks down at you with furrowed eyebrows. “Sam is always a sweetheart.”

That startles a laugh out of Steve, who looks at you with a shine in his eyes. He shakes his head and looks down at the sidewalk in front of him. “You okay? I know that-“ 

“-I’m fine.” You cut him off. You look up at him with a half smile. “And we don’t have to talk about it. In fact, let’s not.” You force out a laugh and Steve nods slowly.

You end up walking the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. Steve has a reassuring presence, something you don’t think you’ve ever even realized until now. Warmth radiates off of his body and his eyes give everything he feels away. Steve is a good apple. At least that’s what your grandmother would say if she had met him.

“This is me.” Steve says softly as he slows to a stop outside the corporate building. If you look around you’ll notice every building near by looks almost exactly the same. “Thanks for walking with me.” He says softly with a nervous smile.

You smile back. “Thanks for buying me coffee.” You hold it up towards him as if to show him. “And for letting me tag along.”

Steve shakes his head. You’re sure he has to get back to work soon, you know their days are usually full and small breaks like this were just that - small. “You don’t have to thank me. I… I like hanging out with you. You’re cool.” He scrunches his nose up when he realizes what he’s just said but you giggle.

“Cool?” You ask with a teasing smile. Steve looks down at his feet with red dusting his cheeks. “I think you’re cool too.” The words are soft as you nudge his boot clad foot with yours.

Steve looks up with bright eyes. “Yeah?” You nod and he smiles to himself. “We should… We should hang out more.” He suggests hesitantly.

Your eyes widen as you look at him. Steve looks about two seconds away from being sick with nerves and it’s sweet. Completely and utterly tooth rottingly sweet that someone is this nervous around you. Your heart picks up at him wanting to hang out more.

“Like dates?” You question quietly. Steve turns a bright shade of right and you’re reminded of Bucky blurting his secret out weeks ago. “I would like that.” You don’t give him a chance to respond to your first question.

He smiles so bright that you’re blinded by it. “Yeah?” You nod with a small smile. “Yeah. Now go back to work!” You shove his shoulder lightly which makes him laugh. “You have my number.”

He’s nodding happily as he backs away. “I do! I’ll text you?”

“Please!” You laugh as he pushes through the glass doors backwards, almost running over a women. He smiles awkwardly at her before facing you once again. You wave as he disappears into the crowd of people. 

When he’s out of sight you let out a sigh. He was kind and incredibly endearing. Steve was a man every woman would be lucky to date. Why did you feel so guilty for flirting then? 

You know why. 

You ignore it.

》

Bucky watches with pursed lips from his spot by the front desk as you and Steve chat outside. He tries his best to read lips, but your both standing at an angle that makes it near impossible.

“You’re not creepy at all.” The voice makes him jump and he turns to look at Sam, leaning against the opposite side of the reception desk. Martha, the woman who runs the desk, looks between them in amusement. “Steve is some kind of psychic, huh?” He snorts.

Bucky turns his glare onto Sam. “It’s not my fault they’re out there for everyone to see.” He snaps before turning his eyes back on the scene in front of him.

Sam laughs loudly and Bucky watches his Steve embarrasses himself by running into a girl leaving the building. He would feel better about it, if he couldn’t see you smiling brightly at the man.

Bucky loves Steve, but he wants nothing more than to punch him in the face for not staying away from you. Even though Bucky is fully aware you’re both adults with minds of you own, he had never imagined Steve would actually sweep you off your feet.

When Steve makes his way towards Sam and Bucky, Sam has got a cheesy smile on his face and Bucky can do nothing but glare. “Got myself a date, boys.” He smacks a hand against Bucky’s back.

“It’s like… She was run right into my arms.” He smirks before making his way towards the elevator. Sam follows behind Steve with another loud laugh.

Bucky is left standing in the lobby alone. He watches your form retreat across the street and sighs. He had made a mess of things, huh?

》

You can’t get the dress to zip up all the way. You’ve tried a multitude of angles, from pulling the dress up and trying to reach it over your shoulder to almost breaking your arm at an awkward angle.

You sigh in defeat as you stand in front of your mirror. You can hear Bucky in his room across the hall, music playing a little too loud and his footsteps around the room. He’s got his cleaning playlist on, it forces a small smile to appear on your face.

You suck in a deep breath. Roommates helped each other with zippers. It was normal, Bucky could help you with a zipper.

“Bucky.” You knock softly on his door. There’s no answer, he probably can’t hear anything over the music. You knock harder. “Bucky?” The music stops and you suck in a nervous breath.

His door flies open and his eyes widen when he sees you standing in the half zipped dress. His eyes narrow. “What’s up?”

Your fingers fidget in front of your stomach as you look at him nervously. “Can you… Can you help me zip the rest of the way? I just can’t get it.” You admit sheepishly.

Bucky nods. “Turn around.” He orders softly and you do as he says. His fingers find the zipper stuck halfway up your back and your breath hitches. You think you hear his do the same as he begins to pull it up slowly.

It’s a tense silence as his hands rest on your back for a second too long. When he drops them back to his side, you turn to look at him. He shuts his eyes tightly and sighs. “Listen. About what happened-“

There’s a knock at your door that makes you step away. You look at Bucky apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” You take a few stumbling steps away.

You feel his eyes on you as you move through the apartment and collect your purse and jacket. When you open the door, Steve is standing there with flowers and it makes you pause.

Bucky’s bedroom door slams shut when you pull the flowers into your own hand. His music starts playing again as you get them into water. You and Steve smile awkwardly at each other.

When Steve’s hand lands on your lower back to guide you out of the building, all you can think is Bucky’s hands there earlier, warmer and somehow softer, you try to ignore how wrong it feels.

You were moving on. It would get better.

》•

Bucky’s pathetic. That much he knows. Four drinks in and he’s missing you desperately. All he can think about is Steve’s hand on your back and how you look in that red dress.

Did you know it was Steve’s favorite color? Is that why you had worn it? He had seen the black lace of your bra underneath when zipping the dress for you, had you worn that on purpose too? 

He feels like he’s hit rock bottom. Like it can’t get worse than this. His best friend on a date with his other best friend who he wasn’t talking to anymore because he wanted a friends with benefits thing. 

I had other friends, he thinks. Friends who I could stand to lose. Why did I want her? Why did I do that?

Annoyingly enough, Steve’s voice is what answers him. You’re in love with her. The words make Bucky jolt up in his seat because, well, he’s never thought that before. He’s always known he loved you in a platonic sense and that he cared for you deeply, but being in love with you?

That can’t be it. Bucky didn’t really do being in love. He’s seen what that does to people. He saw what it did to his mother, heartbroken and left with two kids to raise on her own. He’s seen what heartbreak has done to Becca, who used to lock herself away in her room and spend hours crying over boys who weren’t worth it.

He snorts to himself, taking another sip of his drink. They say you can only go up from from rock bottom. Bucky thinks he’s got some kind of special ability to go lower though as he stares at his phone. 

He wants to text you and beg you to come home. He calls his mom instead. “Ma?” He asks quietly when she picks the phone up. “It’s Bucky.”

“I have caller ID. I know.” She lets out a laugh. “What’s up? You sound upset, my love.” She asks gently.

“I fucked up, Ma.” Bucky admits after a moment of silence. “I…” 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” She sounds panicked and Bucky immediately feels bad for worrying her. 

“No I mean, like, with Y/N. I fucked up with her.” He explains. His mother inhales sharply at the sound of his best friends name.

“What happened?” She asks softly, almost knowingly.

“We… I… I’m not meant for relationships? You know? Love? It always ends bad so I told her we could just be friends with some benefits.” He feels a little embarrassed sharing this with his mother, but he doesn’t have anybody else to turn to. “And I fucked it up. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.” Bucky can admit that he blurred the lines. That he didn’t treat you like just a friend, but when had he ever? You’d always been a little closer than normal friends. 

“Oh Bucky.” His mother murmurs, her tone isn’t disappointed, just sad. “I’m so sorry your father did this to you.” Bucky rubs a hand over his face. “Ma-“ 

“-No, Bucky. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the value of romantic love. Of love that keeps you warm and love that makes your heart race.” She says quietly. 

“It always ends in heartbreak. I don’t need it.” He says defensively. It’s silent, Bucky listens to his mom breathe before finally whispering, “What if I’m like him? What if I ruin her life?” 

“Oh sweetheart, you’re nothing like him.” Her voice cracks. “You’re good. You’re a good man. You’re empathetic. You care deeply. You don’t have to be afraid of ending up like him, you’ve already proven you won’t.” 

“Doesn’t feel like that.” Bucky lets out a short laugh. “Feels like I already am.” 

“James Buchanan Barnes. I am not going to sit here and listen to you talk about yourself like this. You’re not like him because you see what you’ve done wrong. Because you feel remorse.” She says heatedly. “Your father never felt bad for what he did or who he hurt, that’s what makes you different. That’s what makes you better.” 

Bucky wipes hastily at the tears that he hadn’t realized were falling down his cheeks until now. Has he always been this much of a light weight? Full of emotion and regrets that are only amplified by his drunkenness. 

“I love that girl like she’s my own.” His mother’s voice brings him back. “So, what are you gonna do to fix this? I already bought her Christmas present.” 

Bucky laughs. His chest feels a little lighter. “Leave her alone.” He answers genuinely. He can almost see his mother’s mouth open in protest. “She’s on a date with Steve. I can’t ruin that for either of them.” 

There’s a sigh on the other end of the line. “You’re a good man, Bucky. Every good man makes mistakes. It’ll all work out.” She says vehemently. 

“I love you, ma. Thank you.” Bucky looks at the bottle in front of him. “I love you too. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She asks gently. “Okay.” He nods as she hangs up. 

Her words help, but he’s still filled with guilt as he thinks of you. He had never wanted things to become this messed up with you. The last thing he wanted was for you to hate him.

Then why’d you do it? Bucky pulls at his hair. Since when was his subconscious so annoying? Was it the drinks? It’s your voice next. I mean nothing to you? 

“No. Shut up.” Bucky says to himself before standing up, his knee knocking against the coffee table painfully. He groans, but doesn’t stop moving. He feels like he’s going to be sick. He is going to be sick, he realizes as he forces the bathroom door open. 

He throws up. He’s not sure if it’s from the drinks or this overwhelming feeling of pure angst in his chest. A feeling that makes his lungs constrict and his heart ache.

He briefly wonders if this is heartbreak. And if it was, did that mean Steve was right? Bucky loved you?

He makes it back to the couch and starts a random movie in an attempt to stay up and wait for you. To talk or something. He was so, so sick of not talking to you.

But he falls asleep less than fifteen minutes later and he doesn’t hear you step into the apartment.

》•

“I had a really nice time tonight.” You say quietly. It’s almost midnight and you’re sure your neighbors wouldn’t appreciate you waking them up. “Thank you for taking me out.”

Steve stuffs his hands into his jacket pocket and gives you a grin. “Thanks for letting me take you out.”The two of you look at each other before breaking eye contact with awkward laughs. “We should do this again.”

You nod. “We should!” You lean up and press a kiss to his cheek before turning towards your door. “I’ll see you later, Steve.” You say softly before pushing the door open.

Steve gives you a short wave with a happy smile. “See you.” He begins to back away, down the hallway. “I’ll just.” He jabs a thumb over his shoulder before spinning around to walk straight.

You laugh silently to yourself as you finally step into your apartment and shut the door behind you. With your eyes shut tightly, you lean your back against the door and let out a sigh.

Your silence is disturbed by a groan and your eyes shoot open. Bucky’s laying on the couch, one arm hanging off and a bottle of whiskey sitting almost completely empty in front of him.

“Oh, Bucky.” You let out a sad sigh as you drop your purse and keys on the entryway table. His eyes are squeezed shut, you can tell he’s in a deep sleep.

When you stand in front of him, you push the stray hairs that are stuck to his sweaty forehead back. He’s flushed and you don’t know exactly how much he’s had to drink, but he was definitely drunk. You allow your nails to trace over his cheekbones and jawline in admiration.

You move away, suddenly aware of what you’re actually doing. You move quickly, picking up the empty glass and whiskey bottle and moving towards the kitchen. You leave the glass in the sink and stuff the bottle back into your drinks cabinet.

You think of just going back to your room, but you know you can’t leave Bucky shivering on the couch. You grab a clean glass and fill it with water before placing it on the coffee table in front of you. You pull out your travel Advil from your purse and sit it next to glass. His favorite blanket is draped over the back your lounge chair. You pull it off and drape it over him gently. Bucky snuffles then turns so his face is pressed into the couch.

You look down at Bucky again before leaving him in the room.

》

It’s like there’s a shift between you and Bucky after your date with Steve. You’re kinder and you seem to be more open with him again, while all Bucky wants to do is hide away in his room.

Every time you sit across from him in the living room or join him for dinner, he feels panic rise in him like vile and he ends up sitting tensely beside you.

Because you’re figuring your shit out. You want to be friends with Bucky again while Steve takes you out every weekend. It’s perfect. Going swimmingly, really.

Except, Bucky is falling apart. Every time you go out with Steve he makes himself sick thinking about what you’re doing. He’s stuck in this constant cycle of why does it hurt so much and you love her you love her you love her.

He just wants to scream so what? Even if he did love you, what did it matter? It’s not like it would change anything. You had never told him you loved him, you had only been angry because he had given you mixed signals. Now, you had moved on to someone easy, someone without commitment fears and who didn’t give you mixed signals.

So, even if he did love you, why would he say anything. Why would he ruin something good for you? He wanted to prove his mother right. He was better than his father, and he wouldn’t ruin something good for you. Not when he was the one who had driven you away. Sick sense of irony, the way this worked out.

》

You’re trying. You can tell Bucky is too. As you come further out of your shell again, he sticks to staunch boundaries and has ceased all of his old affectionate gestures. You know it makes sense and it’s for the best. Even if it does nothing but remind you of what you had grown used to with him before all this.

Besides, you couldn’t blame Bucky for not feeling the same way you did. Not when you had agreed to just benefits and not when you had never told him the truth. 

And Steve was sweet. Steve was gentle and kind and kissed you like you mattered. He held your hand in public and introduced you as his date when you ran into people he knew.

He was good. You cared for him, a lot, and you were desperate for it to work out. For it to work out with Steve and for it to work out with Bucky.

That’s how this night started. These thoughts and a plan. A stupid fucking plan for moving on. Drinks with everyone. Wanda, Vision, Sam, Steve… Bucky.

Bucky who was talking to a redhead at the bar. Bucky who you couldn’t stop staring at as he smiled and charmed her. Your fist tightened around your glass as you watch her nails inch towards his hand.

“Another round of drinks?” Sam’s voice pulls you from your stare. You shake your head to yourself and glance around table. Everybody’s glasses are empty except yours. “I’ll go!” You offer as you drain the last of your drink quickly.

You stand up before anybody at the table can question it. “I can help you.” Steve goes to stand, but you place a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Bucky’s up there. I’m sure he’ll help!” You give him a big smile, one that he answers with furrowed eyebrows. You don’t think much of it as you spin on your heel and make a beeline for the bar.

You don’t see the look Wanda shoots you or the glance Sam and Steve share. You stop right behind Bucky and lean on the counter as you order then you tap him on his shoulder.

He spins quickly. “What’s up? Everyone okay?” He asks, his eyes shifting between you and the table of your friends.

“Yeah!” You give him a small smile. “I was sent for drinks and I didn’t realize how many there were. Think you could help?”

He glances between you and the redhead, who’s giving you a kind smile as she waits. You smile in return before looking up at Bucky again. “Please?” You tack on with a pout.

Bucky laughs. “Yeah. Whatever.” He looks down at the woman again. “You wanna join us? Promise everyone is super cool.”

Your eyes widen as the drinks are placed in front of you. She wasn’t supposed to come. This was supposed to… You pause.

This was supposed to get him away from her. Back to your side.

“Yeah!” You give her a fake smile. “You should join us, we could always use more girls.” You chuckle as you lift three glasses.

Bucky grabs the other three before looking at the woman in question. She shrugs before grabbing her own glass to follow after you two.

You hand out the glasses before taking your seat beside Steve again. He arm comes up to rest behind your chair and you can’t shake the urge to push it off.

“Guys, this is Natasha.” Bucky gestures to the woman besides him before pulling a chair out for her. “Natasha. Wanda, Vision, Steve, Sam.” He points everyone out before finishing off with you. She smiles politely at all of you. You grind your teeth as he sits beside her.

The group seems to take a liking to her right away. She laughs at Sam’s jokes and compliments Wanda’s engagement ring. You’re burning with jealously as Bucky flirts in front of all of you.

It’s wholly irrational, a sober you would know that this jealously doesn’t really make sense. Three mixed drinks in though and it feels like Bucky is doing this to hurt you.

It feels like he’s showing you what he could never do with you. He never flirted with you in front of your friends or allowed his hand to inch towards yours on the table in front of them.

Bucky was secretly affectionate with you. It was tangled feet on Sunday mornings and cuddling Saturday nights. Sex in the middle of night and… heartbreak the next morning.

So his drifting hand and charming smile directed towards Natasha is suffocating you with insecurity. What did she have?

“I’m going home.” You stand abruptly when Bucky leans towards her with a laugh. Your shaky on your feet and Steve reaches a hand out to stabilize you. Everyone looks at you with confusion. “I… I don’t feel good.”

“I’ll walk you home.” Steve stands immediately.

You shake your head. “No!” When he freezes and looks at you with hurt eyes you smile tightly. “I mean, I’m going to take a Lyft. You stay here, have fun.”

“At least let me wait with you. So you’re not in the cold alone.” He insists and you nod slowly.

You really want to be alone, to wallow in this feeling, but Steve was nice and of course he wouldn’t let you go alone.

You watch Bucky for a moment, like you expect him to say something, to offer to come with you. Like he always did, but his attention shifts back to Natasha as Steve’s arm wraps around your waist.

It’s silent as he guides you out of the bar and tense as you order the Lyft. “Fifteen minutes.” You say softly.

Steve nods and looks around the almost empty street. You open your mouth to break the awkward silence, but he beats you to it.

“What happened between you and Bucky?” He asks quietly, his hands stuffed into his jacket pocket, and his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.

You swallow thickly. “He didn’t tell you?” You ask instead of answering the question.

“He told me you guys had a friends with benefits thing going on. Then he told me you didn’t.” He doesn’t look angry, just sad as he stares down at you. “You know Bucky, he doesn’t share a lot.”

You look down at the sidewalk, your heel scuffing against it nervously. “I don’t know. I read things wrong, I guess. I… I thought we had a chance?” Your tone is questioning and you let out a laugh in a self-deprecating manner.

“You still love him?” You eyes shoot up to meet Steve’s. You open your mouth to say something, anything, to turn this conversation around but the door opening takes your attention off of the conversation.

It’s Bucky and Natasha, laughing softly with one another. You turn away quickly and feel the vomit rise in your throat. “I’m gonna be sick.” You murmur before throwing up all over Steve’s shoes. He grimaces and takes a step back as the couple turns around at the sound of you.

Bucky calls out your name. You can’t look up, instead you drop to the ground and sit on the sidewalk ledge.“Are you okay?” Bucky kneels down beside you as you cough.

“I’m fine. You can go. Go.” You urge, unable to look up at him. Bucky doesn’t budge though, his hand coming up to push back the hairs stuck to your forehead. “Bucky. Please.” You groan.

“I’ll walk her home.” Bucky says to Steve, ignoring your pleas. “The air will do her some good and the car moving will only make her feel worse.”

Steve looks between you two hesitantly. “I don’t know, I can take her.” You still feel nauseous, especially at the idea of Steve who you’re pretty sure just broke up with you wanting to keep you away from Bucky for your comfort.

When you look up, Natasha is standing behind Bucky with worried eyes. You feel tears gather in the corner of your eyes as they move to Bucky. He smiles gently, his hand still resting against your cheek. “Let me walk you home, sweets.”

The nickname makes your heart soar. Months of nothing but your first name and you feel like you’re floating at the sound of it. “Okay.” You nod, your hand coming up to rest on his. “Okay.” You pull out your phone to cancel the Lyft.

He helps you stand. “I’ll see you.” He says apologetically to Natasha. She doesn’t look upset, in fact she smiles at him like she knows something you two don’t. “I’ll let you know when we get home.” He says to Steve, who nods before following Natasha inside.

You feel flushed and hot all over. A horrible mixture of drinks, jealously and nausea settling in your stomach. It makes you horribly dizzy and you’re forced to lean against Bucky heavily for support.

“One step at a time, sweets.” Bucky says softly, his metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist.

》

“Almost there.” Bucky exhales a deep breath as he all but carries you towards the couch. He’d given up on getting you down the hall, you had pretty much become dead weight and getting you down the hall to the apartment had taken a lot out of Bucky. “Few more steps, sweets.”

Bucky’s cheeks are red and his entire body is warm. It’s been so long since he’s been this close to you and he can’t help but feel his heart grow as you latch onto him.

“Easy. Easy.” He murmurs as he sits you down gently on the couch. You mumble incoherently as you head lands on the back of the couch.

He pulls away from you and pulls his phone out. Sorry to leave you, maybe we can catch up another time?

Maybe. As friends, of course.

Bucky glances at you before looking back down at his phone, he begins to type but another message pops up quickly.

I saw the way you looked at her, I don’t think you’re looking for a girlfriend! It’s okay :)

Bucky leaves the phone sitting on the coffee table as he focuses his attention back on you. You open your eyes and look at him sadly. “What’s wrong with me?” You ask quietly.

“Nothing.” Bucky responds immediately, his hand reaching out for your cheek. The moan of relief you let out at the coolness of his metal appendage goes straight through Bucky. “Nothing is wrong with you.” He forces his voice to stay steady.

He takes a seat next to you on the couch and drops his hand back to his lap. While you stare at the carpeted floor, Bucky’s eyes trail over you. He takes in the skin tight pants and soft sweater. The way your legs look makes him swallow thickly. You were beautiful and Bucky loved you. 

The thought makes him pause, but it doesn’t scare him nearly as much as he thought it would. He did. He loved you. He knew looking at you now that the months of questioning it and then trying to make himself believe it was just as a friend as you dated Steve, was all in vain. He loved you. Maybe he had loved this whole time. 

You look up at him suddenly, like you can hear his thoughts, and Bucky is frozen in his spot. You move towards him slowly and he can’t do anything but watch. 

You crawl into his lap and Bucky’s hands immediately rest on your waist to hold you steady. “What… What’re doing?” He can’t hide the shock in his tone. He has to hold back a moan as your hands come up to run through his hair. You left yanks gently at the hair on the back of his head to force him to look up at you and Bucky is unable to stop the moan from slipping out then.

You smile down at him cheekily. “Want you to fuck me.” Your already slurred words are murmured, so Bucky almost doesn’t understand you. “It’s been so long, Buck.” You grind down and he chokes on his own spit, not expecting his night to end like this.

“You gotta stop, sweets.” His grip on you waist tightens in an attempt to halt your movements. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing.” He says, looking back up at you. 

Your hands rest on his shoulders and you shake your head. “I know I hated seeing you with her. I hate not having you. Please, I miss you.” You whisper pleadingly.

The words pain Bucky. “I miss you too, but you don’t want this.” He gently pushes you off of his lap and back onto the couch cushions beside him.

Your head falls to your hands while your elbows rest against your legs. “Why don’t you want me?” You look back up at him with wet eyes. Bucky freezes. Is that what you thought? That he didn’t want you? 

“Sweetheart, you have no idea how much I want you.” He admits, reaching out to pull your hands away from your face completely. You shake your head and pull yourself away from him. 

“If you wanted me you wouldn’t have flirted with her all night. In front of me. In front of our friends.” Bucky looks at you with wide eyes. How could you be upset with him over that when you had gone with Steve? When you had been dating Steve? 

“You’re with Steve.” He reminds you. “Am I supposed to not flirt with other people? You told me we were just roommates. We’re barely even friends!” He exclaims. 

“No! I told you that because you hurt me.” You wipe tears off of your cheeks. “You… You made me feel like I was something to you then told me I was just a fuck. I was hurt.” You explain. “God, you- I loved you so much and you just - just-“ 

“You love me?” Bucky cuts you off. He knows you’re drunk, but the words make his heart race. He feels his eyes soften as he stares at your form. 

The tears gathered in your eyes begin to fall down your cheeks as you shake your head hastily. “Loved you. I loved you. But you didn’t love me, so I moved on.”

Bucky didn’t know it was possible to physically feel your heart break, but here he was, his heart cracking painfully as you look away from him.

“I’m so tired.” You whisper. “Why could you flirt with her in front of all our friends? Why… Why was I a dirty secret?”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say to you. Doesn’t know how to explain to you that he wasn’t afraid of losing her the way he was you. He didn’t know her at all, he certainly didn’t know her the way he knew you.

“We should get you to bed.” Bucky stands abruptly. His hands come down to hold your arms gently as he helps you stand. “We can talk in the morning.”

You allow him to pull you up, it looks like you’ve given up on furthering the conversation. Bucky picks you up bridal style to carry you down the hall.

Your arms rest loosely around his neck. “Steve broke up with me.” You say as Bucky drops you onto your mattress. “He knows about us. He doesn’t want someone who… who…” You trail off before falling into a fit coughs.

“We’ll talk in the morning.” Bucky says softly, his fingers trailing over your cheeks. “I promise, sweetheart.” You already have a water bottle on your nightstand, so Bucky searches your vanity for Advil.

He leaves two pills beside the bottle. You’re already dozing off, your eyes fluttering shut, so Bucky leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. When he goes to pull back, your hand shoots out and wraps around his wrist. “Stay. Please.” You whisper.

Bucky hesitates for a second before nodding and sitting beside you on the bed as he pulls his shoes off. His heart races as he moves to lay beside you and he feels flushed as you curl into his side.

He allows himself to relax with you in his arms. It had been so long since you’ve been beside him like this and Bucky lets himself feel love as you do. 

Is this what he had been afraid of the entire time? 

》

You wake up hot, nauseous and with a pounding headache.

And something wrapped tightly around you. When you open your eyes fully, the first thing you see is a metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You groan when your eyes trail up and the sunlight streaming in from your window hits you.

A deeper groan is returned and it makes you freeze. You rack your brain for what happened last night, but all you could remember was getting sick outside the bar and Bucky taking you home. Had you said something? Had he?

You turn over in his arms and look up at him. His eyes are still closed and he’s letting out steady, soft breaths.

“Bucky.” You whisper, your hand coming up to rest against his chest. “Bucky, wake up.” You say a little louder.

His eyes snap open and immediately he pulls away from you. “Shit. Sorry. I’m sorry. You… You…” He sots up and rubs a hand over his face.

“I don’t… What happened? I just remember you walking me home.” You sit up slowly. You’re still wearing your leggings and the sweater from last night. You groan. “I’m sorry I took you away from…” He shakes his head. 

“It’s okay. I offered. You asked me to stay when I got you into bed, I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable.” His apology is sincere and you suck in a deep breath.

“It’s okay. I don’t… You know I don’t mind falling asleep with you.” Neither of you move or say anything, just sit on opposite sides of your bed in awkward silence. “I-“

“I love you.” Bucky blurts effectively cutting you off. Your eyes widen and your pulse quickens as you stare at him. You had not been expecting that. “And… I’m sorry it took all of this. Not being friends, Steve, drinks, for me to realize, but I do. I think I’ve always loved you, I just… I didn’t know it.”

You shake your head as you try to process what he’s saying. “I don’t… I don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”

“I… Seeing you with Steve. I didn’t… It killed me inside.” Bucky admits.

“And you think that means you love me?” You spit out. “You said it yourself, Bucky Barnes doesn’t do relationships.” You shake your head. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have my attention anymore.”

“That’s not true.” Bucky says adamantly. He turns his body on the bed so it’s facing you. “It made me realize I love you. It made me realize my favorite time of the day is when I get to spend time with you. That our Sundays spent reading and Saturdays watching Law and Order were always better than bars or parties because I was with you. I… I want to do the relationship things with you. Holding hands, just sleeping together. Telling people you’re my girlfriend.”

You stare at him tearfully. “How do you know it’s love? That you didn’t just miss me?”

“I know what it’s like to miss you. This feeling? This warmth in my chest when you’re around and the ache there when you’re gone? That’s not missing you. I...” He pauses. “I love you. And It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore-“

“-Anymore?” You question. Your eyes squeeze shut as you headache gets worse. “Bucky, what-“

“You told me you loved me last night. You were drunk, I know, but-“

“Fuck.” You laugh to yourself as you take in everything he has said. Pieces of last night come flashing back to your mind. Crawling into Bucky’s lap, crying, admitting you had loved him. “Oh God.” You groan, rubbing your hands over your face.

“Bucky you don’t have to-“ You shake your head. “You don’t have to try and make this something it isn’t because you feel bad.”

“I’m not.” Bucky reaches a hand out to rest on your back. “What can I do to make you believe me?”

You look over at him. “Prove it.”

》

Steve meets him for coffee later that morning. You’re out with Wanda for Sunday brunch and Bucky is on his final stop of his apology tour. 

“Hey.” Steve looks up from his phone and smiles at Bucky. “Can I sit?” Bucky motions to the chair across from him and Steve nods.

Steve pushes a black coffee over to Bucky, whose nose scrunches up at the scent. Fair, Bucky thinks. “What’s up?” Steve asks quietly. “You missed our run this morning.”

Bucky looks down at the table. “I had some stuff to deal with. You know with-“ Bucky cuts himself when Steve nods. “Listen, I wanted to say I’m sorry. Shit was never supposed to get this messed up.”

Steve shrugs. “You tell her?” He gives Bucky a knowing smile. “That you love her?”

Bucky gives him a small smile in return. “I did. Yeah.” He taps his fingers against the table. “She’s got some, uh, trust issues with me. But it makes sense. We’re gonna take it slow.”

“I’m happy for you, Buck.” Steve admits after taking a sip of his drink. “I was never mad or angry with you. I always knew she still cared for you and I think I always knew it would never be anything serious.”

Bucky nods. “Thanks, Steve.” He looks down at his coffee with an appreciative smile.

“Besides,” Steve smirks, “Natasha is super cool. We exchanged numbers last night after she asked about what was going on between you two.”

》

Bucky invites you to spend Christmas with his family. You don’t even have to think about it before you say yes. Christmases with his family were always full of warmth and love; You absolutely loved it. 

You’re more excited to be here this year too, to celebrate with him in this way. As his girlfriend, you had heard him tell Rebecca over the phone when informing her of his plans to drive up to see them Christmas Eve. 

You had the perfect gift for him too, well, you have a few gifts for him. Most of them could wait for Christmas with his mom and sister, but there were two you were just desperate to see his reaction to.  

That’s why you slip out of his room in the early hours of the morning when the sky is still dark and everybody is asleep. 

That’s how Bucky wakes up, a small, wrapped box sitting on the nightstand and you nowhere to be found. Bucky eyes the box warily before looking around the rest of his bedroom. Your suitcase is unzipped and he can tell it’s be riffled through before being shoved back into the corner os his room.

His door is pushed open quietly. “Why are you up?” His voice makes you jump and spin so your back slams against the door. Bucky has to bite back a laugh as you take a couple deep, calming breaths. 

“I...I was going to wake you up.” You tip toe across the room and crawl into bed beside Bucky. You suck in a deep, nervous breath. While you and Bucky had been dating for the past few weeks, you had also been taking it slow. “For gifts.” 

Bucky’s eyebrows furrow as he sits up a little straighter in bed. “Gifts? It’s five in the morning, I promise Becca and my mom are in such deep sleep we couldn’t wake them if we tried.”

Kind of what I’m banking on, you think. “No. I mean.. Our gifts, for each other.” You explain in a soft voice, before reaching over to pick up the small box you had left sitting on the nightstand. “I didn’t want to give you this in front of your family and I don’t think I can wait.” You admit a little sheepishly. 

Bucky looks down at the box with a soft smile. “Just let me get one of your gifts.” He sits it down on the comforter before crawling out of the bed and moving to his suitcase. He picks up a small box, wrapped in the same gift paper his is because he had stolen your roll, and smiles up at you.

He hands it over and the two of you just stare at each other with bright, happy smiles before tearing into the wrapping paper at the same time. Your mouth drops open in shock when you open the box.

A bracelet is staring back at you. A silver band filled with charms that make you smile as you run your fingertips over each one. Your alma mater’s mascot. The Brooklyn Bridge. A bottle of wine. “Buck...” You trail off in awe. “This is beautiful.”

“Sweets.” He says the nickname gently and you look up to watch him pull the watch out of the box with a small smile. “This is...” He flips it over in his hand and his eyes widen when he notices the engraving on the back.

the best lovers start as friends.

“I love you.” He runs a finger of the engraved metal as you whisper softly, “I... I’ve loved you for so long, Buck, and having your love in return is unlike anything I could have imagined.” 

Bucky drops the watch on the bed between you as he reaches across to pull you into a bruising kiss. You drop your own gift onto the bed and reach up to rest a hand on his chest. 

“I love you.” Bucky pulls away to whisper the words. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” He punctuates each sentence with a kiss to your skin. You giggle softly as he moves towards you and his hand settles on your waist. 

“I have something else for you.” You pull away to remove the bracelet and watch from the bed. Bucky watches as you move so you’re on your knees with intrigued eyes. You smile coyly as you move to pull his shirt over your head. 

Bucky lets out a low moan as his eyes trail over your body, covered in dark green lace. “What’s this?” His fingers come up to trace over the lace and leave goosebumps in their wake. 

“Your second gift.” You murmur breathlessly as he fingers drift lower and lower. Bucky smirks as he leans towards you and presses a kiss to your neck, then across your collar bone until he’s trailing kisses down the valley of your breasts. 

He pulls away after a moment and looks up at you questioningly. “Are you sure?” 

You smile down at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I wouldn’t have dropped this much money on lingerie if I wasn’t sure.” His arms wrap tightly around your waist as he pulls your body flush against his. 

“What did I do to deserve a gift like this?” He looks up at you with a bright smile. You run a hand through his hair. “Love me.” You answer genuinely. Red dusts Bucky’s cheeks at your words as you lean in to kiss him. 

You shift so you’re straddling Bucky’s lap. “Gonna fuck me?” You murmur in question against his lips. Bucky moans against you and his hips buck up involuntarily. His hand drops from your waist to your thigh and he trails his fingertips up. 

“You look so pretty, sweets.” He smirks up at you as his hand pushes the lace aside. He runs the tip of his index finger over your wet folds and you push down already wanting more from him. “Patience, sweetheart. Let me take you in. I wanna enjoy my gift.”

You moan as he begins to rub slowly against your clit. “Want you to ride my thigh first, sweets.” Bucky shifts you so your legs are straddled over his left thigh.

You moan as your clit rubs against his thigh. You pull at the waist band and his sweatpants and he helps you pull them off of his legs before situating your body back over him. “Fuck.” You let out a deep sigh as his hands land on your hips.

His eyes are dark and pupils blown as he stares at you above him. Bucky’s already hard, you can see his dick straining against his briefs. He doesn’t do more than lightly guide you by the hands on your hips, but his eyes watching you intently as you moan is enough to make your stomach twist in pleasure.

“Fuck, James.” He groans as his first name tumbles out of your mouth in a breathy moan. “You look so pretty on my thigh, sweetheart. I love watching you.”

He leans forward then, to press kisses across your breasts as you move back and forth against him. “Feels so good.” One of your hands twists in his hair and Bucky moans against your skin.

You move faster against him as you feel yourself get wetter. You moan his name like a mantra as Bucky’s hands grip you tighter and tighter.

Bucky’s hands force you to a stop. You whine at the lost of pleasure, but it’s not long before Bucky has you flipped so you’re laying on your back beneath him.

“Gonna fuck you, is that okay sweets?” He leans back to pull his shirt off and you nod hastily as your hands come up to pull at his briefs. It’s not long before you’re bare underneath him, the lace garments discarded to the floor of his bedroom.

“Gotta be quiet.” He runs his tip over you folds in a teasing manner that almost makes you moan out. Instinctively, your hips buck up with a quiet whine. His hand comes up to cover your mouth. “Don’t want Becca to hear. She’s just down the hall, sweets.”

It’s a warning and it makes heat spread through you. You’re not sure if it’s the idea that you could get caught in his childhood bedroom or the way Bucky’s voice deepens, but it makes you tired of waiting. “Please.” Your beg is muffled by his hand, but he hears it. He doesn’t wait any longer, he pushes himself all the way in and you both let out relieved moans at the feeling. “Fuck. Fuck. You always feel so good, baby.” 

Your back arches into his body as he begins fucking you at a slow pace. When he seems satisfied that you won’t make too much noise, his hand moves from your mouth he rests his forearm on the pillow beside your head. “James.” It’s a whispered moan that makes his hips stutter. “Faster. Please. I’ll be quiet.” You promise, your legs wrapping around him. Bucky leans down to press a bruising kiss to your lips as he fucks into you faster. You moan into his mouth as pleasure rushes through you. 

There’s something extremely intimate about the way he fucks into you, one hand holding onto your hip and another resting beside your head. It’s love, you realize when he pulls back to look at you with soft eyes. It does something to you, makes want rush through your veins and pulls the air from your lungs. “I love you.” You whisper into the space between you two, Bucky still pushing in and out of you. 

“I love you.” His eyes slide shut and his head falls to nuzzle into your neck. “You look at me like that again I’m not gonna last, sweets.” He press a gentle kiss to your neck before beginning to suck harshly. You’re sure there will be a mark there tomorrow that you’ll never live down, but you can’t bring yourself to care when his tongue runs over the mark and your stomach clenches in excitement. 

“Fuck. I’m so close, Bucky, please. I- I need-“ His hand is reaching between your bodies before you can spit the sentence out. His finger rubs against your clit as he quickens his pace. “Yes. Yes.” You moan, and you can immediately tell it’s too loud when Bucky freezes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You mutter, so close and desperate for him to resume his pace. 

“I know, I’m close too, but we can’t wake the house up.” You throw your head back and bite down hard enough to draw blood when he resumes his movements. He’s rubbing at your already sensitive clit and fucking you quickly, it’s all too much as your stomach tightens in pleasure. “Yeah. I can feel you, baby. Come for me, please. I need to feel you.” His tone is deep and possessive in your ear. 

When he slams into you hard, your orgasm washes over you. Your mouth opens in a moan that Bucky catches with a messy kiss. You can feel his hips stutter against you as he reaches his own high and releases into you. 

The two of you stay like that for a moment, just breathing with each other. “Merry Christmas.” You laugh softly as Bucky pulls out and moves to grab a towel from his desk chair. 

Bucky smiles as he comes to lay beside you again and wipes gently at your thighs.  He pulls the comforter up so it’s wrapped around both of you again and pulls you so your head rests against his chest. “Merry Christmas.” He whispers in return.

You glance out the window and find that it’s snowing again. You’ll probably be snowed in for the next few days, but you don’t really mind, not with Bucky here and in your arms the way you’ve always wanted. 

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // this took weeks to finish and i truly hope whoever reads it through enjoys it! 

my writing is free & will remain free. if you enjoy it and you have the resources, consider donating to my ko-fi :)

[intoafandom]

Why I Loathe Liz Allen

*no hate towards the actress!!! I just hate the character*

Ok I just want to start off by saying fuck this bitch ugh i hate her so much (and its not just because i might be slightly jealous that hoco peter had a crush on her lol....😐) Honestly she makes my fucking blood BOIL.

Ok lets start.

1) Liz was never actually planning on inviting Peter to her party.

Right from the jump we’re gunna talk about THIS scene. Now it’s obvious that no one believes Peter knows Spider-Man and Flash is clearly throwing jabs at him in this scene. And he goes “you should invite [spider man] to liz’s party tonight.” And Peter goes “you’re having a party?” Peter clearly didn’t know about it. Which means Liz never actually PLANNED on inviting him. She only did it because flash mentioned it right beforehand. And then she follows it up with that bitchy ass attitude “Peter’s waaaay to busy for party’s anyway so” Liz actually fuck off.

2) Continuing from point one, Liz enables bullying.

After Peter shows up at the party and “disappears” soon after, Flash does this:

He gets the whole party to start bullying Peter. And remember, this is LIZ’S PARTY. At LIZ’S HOUSE. And she freaking does nothing to stop this. She just lets her entire party bully a kid who obviously has a crush on her (she literally tells him she knows later in the damn movie) (Also that scene when her dad is driving them to homecoming and she goes “you were at my party but you disappeared like you always do” I wanted to punt her outta the car, and if i was peter i would’ve been like “yeah bitch i left your party because you let everyone bully me the fuck?”

3) She led him on

First of all, she only said yes to going to hoco with him because she had no one else to go with. She literally says that she was so busy planning it that she never got around to asking anyone to go with her. Peter is literally the only guy left and pretty, popular, perfect liz allen would never actually stoop as low as peter parker if she had the chance to go with someone else. She clearly doesn’t like or care about him at all (see points 1 and 2 again). And look

When her dad says he’s going to give peter “the dad talk,” she’s like okay bye and she gets out of the car and says hi to her friends (pic 1 ). But then bitch doesn’t even wait for Peter, she just goes inside and immediately starts dancing with her friends (pic 2). That conversation between peter and her dad took literally like one minute and she easily could’ve waited for him. Just another piece of evidence that shows she doesn’t actually like him. Because seriously, no one actually enters a party without their date unless you don’t actually wanna be there with them. Also, not to mention all those ✨looks✨ she gives him throughout the movie. Like seriously, she’s a senior and he’s a cute little sophomore with a cute little crush. He’s 15 and she’s 17/18. Ik the age difference isn’t very drastic but in high school it certainly is. Plus there’s the whole hierarchy between classes. Most seniors would never actually date a sophomore. Point is, Liz knew Peter had a massive crush on her and she totally led him on and was clearly never actually interested in him.

4) She’s constantly giving him attitude.

Literally throughout the whole movie she’s just rude for no reason. Take this scene for instance:

Peter LITERALLY just got a question right and his phone rings. He asks if he can take the phone call and bitch look at the face she gives him. “Yeah, fine.” Bitch that was the most passive aggressive “yes” ive ever heard in my life. Enough with the attitude he literally asked first (and he didn’t even have to). There’s so many moments like this and they’re super easy to notice when you know what to look for.

5) Just like point 1, she also wasn’t planning on inviting peter (or ned) to the team’s “night time swim.”

Yall, just look.

The ENTIRE team is already in their swimsuits AND they have towels. Plus, liz literally says they all already raided the minibar or whatever to get candy and stuff. They were literally all ready to go to the pool except peter and ned. The only reason Peter even knew about it was because he left his hotel room at the exact same time liz was passing his door.

Literally even mj is there on the side reading her book. Everyone was already ready to go to the pool except peter and ned. And ned STILL isn’t there cuz liz never actually told him either. Like I said, the only reason peter knew in the first place was because he left his room at the same time.

6) THIS SHIT

“He’s a liar” BITCH ARE YOU ACTUALLY SERIOUS. YOURE GUNNA SAY THAT SHIT JUST TO GET YOUR FIVE SECONDS OF FAME. SCREW YOU BITCH!! Like omfffffg. Like I get you’re probably still upset that he got your dad put in prison, but he was literally a criminal so idk what to tell you. Plus, PETER LITERALLY SAVED YOUR LIFE AND YOUR DAD’S!! So piss off with that “he’s a liar” bullshit. You KNOW he just wanted to keep people safe. I’ll never get over this shit lol he should’ve let her drop in that elevator shaft like my girl gwen stacy

Anyways FUCK liz allen dumbass bitch

*again no hate to the actress!*

Feel free to add on cuz I would loveeee to hate her even more.

[angelplummie]

Please I loved your latest bnha post and I was wondering if you could do the same format (what they're insecure about) but with the shiratorizawa VBC ?

THINGS SHIRATORIZAWA ARE INSECURE ABOUT and how you help them feel better

comfort <33

masterlist

warnings: none!

class 1A boys

USHIJIMA

•has always disliked his eyes

•thinks they’re too small, and they’re really puffy in the mornings

•doesn’t like the colour either, a kid in his class called them ‘poopy’ and he never forgot LMAO POOR USHI

•doesn’t get him down, he has better things to worry about, but it does affect how he feels about his appearance

•one morning, after you stayed the night, you wake up alone in his bed

•you go downstairs to find him, and there his is, cooking breakfast in the pyjama pants you got his from christmas (cute)

• he turns around when he heard you enter, and his hair is all fluffy and his eyes are so tired and puffy and cute, you can’t help but giggle and coo at him

• he’s like “what’s funny?” and ur like “nothing toshi you’ve just got cute sleepy eyes”

•”you like my eyes?”

• your like “ :0 yeah!!!”

•”why?”

•what ushi doensy know is he opened the flood gates

“ >:( why?????? because they’re cute silly!!!! i like how they crinkle when u smile and they’re a good shape, and the colour looks good with ur skin!!!!”

• he went 😮😶🙂😊☺️ and pulls you into a side hug as he continues frying the eggs, kissing the top of ur head

•yeah, that made his day

TENDOU

• thinks he’s too skinny :((

•feels lanky and awkward sometimes

• especially cuz he’s always being compared to ushi who is so big

• HOWEVER, one day when ur hanging out, just mutually scrolling on instagram, he makes a discovery

• he hears you make an angry grunt-yell and push ur face into ur pillow

•”what?”

• you huff and push ur phone in his face, showing him a picture of one of those tik tok emo boys that definitely participated in the cat boy maid trend a couple months ago

•tendou notices he kinda has the same body as him, and they look a bit similar too

• “this man is SO fine i swear to fucking god” (you know when someone’s so fine u get pissed off? cuz i know)

•tendous eye brows raise, and his heart jolts

•”you like guys like that?”

•”uh yeah? let that mf do anything to me. what u smiling at?”

•he chuckles, trying to play it cool as his brain goes 100 miles an hour

•”nothing, nothing”

• the more you know 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

SEMI

•this is gonna sound stupid but hear with me

• he’s insecure bc he’s cute, but not handsome

• like he knows he’s good looking, but he’s not the most masculine, and he doesn’t wanna be known as a pretty boy

•he doesn’t talk about it much bc ppl r like ‘??? ur attractive whats the big deal’

• but it’s something he worries about a little bit

•let’s just say u have no problem with him being a pretty man

• but after he opens up to u about not wanting to be seen as ‘adorable’ but as ‘handsome’ or ‘hunky’ (he didn’t say hunky but he kinda meant it)you changed up ur compliments a bit

• whenever he walks into a room, looking lovely as per, you say, “there’s my handsome boyfriend ive been looking for u!!!”

•or when he’s pumped up during a game, when he finds u after they won and pulls you into a hug, you go “ngl eita u looked hunky out there”

•or just when he does things for you, and u jokingly say “oh thank goodness my big strong boyfriend was here to help me!”, even as a joke it makes him glow with happiness that the person he cares about the most sees him as everything he wants to be

• and you don’t have to fib once :)

GOSHIKI

• HATED his haircut when he fist got it, and i mean HATED it

•nearly didn’t show to school it was so bad

•he wouldn’t admit it to the team but tears were shed

•you begged him for hours over text for him to show you, you’re sure it’s not that bad, please could be show you,

•after some time had passed, facetimed you

•when you saw it your eyes lit up and you immediately started berating him with compliments

•”ITS SO CUTE I DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT” “YOU HAD ME WORRIED FOR NOTHING TSUMO I LOVE IT”

• he’s surprised “really????????”

•” YEAH DUMB DUMB WOULD I LIE TO MY OWN BOYFRIEND”

•hangs up immediately, blushing bright pink after you said boyfriend

•texts you ‘thank you’ and throws his phone across the room HAHAH oh goshiki we’ve all been there

hi! as always i hope you enjoyed this! these r so fun to make pls request more of these. lmk if u don’t mind if they’re repetitive cuz i’m running low on ideas for these LMAO as per reblogs and replies appreciated!! p.s send in more requests i’m bored. bye love you bye!!!

[unoriginalmess]

A Second Mask: Chapter 4

Did that just happen?

Hello guys! It's me. I'm finally writing again. Sorry about the delay. I'm going to explain more at the end of the chapter, but I'm just going to keep the beginning short. So here is chapter 4:

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To say Adrien was concerned would be a huge understatement. He was downright disturbed. Its been weeks and still Marinette hadn't changed back to the happy, peppy, nice girl that he knew. AND SHE WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!

He tried to talk to her for a whole week after her original trasformation, but after the repeated firm rejections, he stopped altogether. He figured that maybe with some space, she might be able to work through whatever she was going through, but at this point, he's losing hope.

When he is feeling this distressed about something, he usually turns to his lady, but she has been acting weird too. Ever since she suggested they start sparring, she's started to show that she is going through kinda a rough time as well. She is the same ladybug when everyone is watching, but when it's just the two of them, she looks sad and tired. She has also started saying some concerning things while they are sparring. She has started talking about how she has started taking being Ladybug and the Guardian more seriously, and how she has less distractions now, which would be a good thing if she didn't say them so sadly.

The good thing is, the sparring has given him a chance to get out his aggression because of the whole Marinette-situation and his anger at his father in a safe environment. He didn't like the idea of hitting Ladybug at first (especially in the face) but with her not holding back on her hits, he felt more comfortable doing the same. It has helped them fight better too. He hopes that whatever Ladybug is going through in her civillian life will work itself out soon, but until then he will be there for her. He just needs to figure out how to be there for Marinette.

•••

Felix was making good progress with Marinette. After they first asked marinette about (insert fashion question of your choice here, I legit know nothing and I didn't have time to research anything for this chapter), she had started answering their questions on a daily basis. After a couple of days of that, she had started to rant to them about different things in the fashion world that were bothering her, exciting her, or confusing her that particular day. In response to that, they had started to respond to her rants with their own opinions on the subjects and even start their own rants.

It had gotten to the point where Felix would now consider them to be friends, though they know that Marinette would never call them as such, it was fine with them. They know she has trust issues, and they can understand why, so they are fine with being friends in everything but a name.

Felix was looking forward to their daily banter as they waited in their seat for Marinette to arrive. When she did, she was followed by a very pissed-looking Alya. Felix turned to look at her and noticed that she had what looked to be tears forming in her eyes. What they didn't notice was the little black butterfly that had entered through the window in the back of the room, and was making a beeline towards her.

•••

Marinette walked to school in yet another one of her newest fashion creations: a pair of oversized grey ripped jeans and a navy blue sweatshirt. She was actually really liking her new look, and the comfort that it offered was just an added plus.

She was actually feeling excited to talk to Felix about Gabriel Agreste's newest fashion flop. They were the only person that she had met that actually cared about fashion as much as her. It made her happy to talk to them. It kind of scared her how excited she was. Shouldn't she be distancing herself from everyone? she thought to herself. No. Felix isn't my friend, they aren't close to me, they are just someone I talk fashion with. Like a coworker, yeah. Totally. Felix is just a coworker. ("Liar" says the inner voice in her head)

She was shocked out of her thoughts when she was pulled to the side by someone as she entered the courtyard. Her mind immediately thought of an akuma, when the person spoke.

"Marinette! Girl," Oh it's just Alya. Wait Alya? "How long are you gonna keep up this cry for attention? Are you really THAT jealous of Lila? I know that Adrien likes her, but that doesn't give you the right to act like this! And you are hanging out with Felix, who accused her of sexually harrassing Adrien on their first day here-?" She looked absolutely furious at her, but Marinette had heard enough. She cut Alya off in the middle of her presumably long rant.

"ALYA!" Said girl jumped at both the inturruption and the tone of voice used, "First of all, this isn't a cry for attention, if anything its a cry for leaving me the fuck alone. Second of all, I'm not jealous of Lila. I'm not in love with Adrien anymore, and haven't been for a while. You knew that I was dating Luka right? Why would I care who Adrien likes? Lastly, I am allowed to hang out with whoever I choose, whether you like them or not. It's none of your fucking business Alya, and if you think that I'm just some jealous, attention-seeker why do you even care?" With that last question she stormed off to the classroom, leaving a speechless Alya behind her.

When marinette sat down in her seat, she just kept thinking about how Alya was just talking to her. How could she think that about her? They used to be best friends, and Alya wasn't even concerned about her not talking to her anymore, she was just concerned about her being "jealous of Lila". It made her so furious that she could feel tears trickling down her face. She sees the black butterfly out of the corner of her eye and without hesitation grabs it out of the air.

(Next part is taken from this post by @bigfatbreak)

"Go ahead and akumatize me- See what happens, Hawkmoth!" She screamed the words with a slight madness that the energy of the akuma was giving her, "Every leash has two ends! I just have to pull until I find where you're holding it!"

At this point, the entire class was frozen in place watching her and listening to her crazed-sounding voice threaten an actual terrorist. Marinette felt Hawkmoth's confusion and terror through the bond. What in the- She's sensing me through the Akuma?! The akuma then started to fly away, and when it couldn't it zapped her hand like it was made of lightning and fluttered through the same window it came from. Marinette felt like she had failed yet again and collapsed down on her desk, muttering, "Uuuuggghh. It escaped anyway... What a waste. I didn't realize that Hawkmoth was such a coward. He usually likes grandstand..."

She was startled when her hand was picked up by Felix's, "You likely scared him off by managing to locate him like that... A risky move, I should mention. I would ask that you not attempt that a second time. No one knows what his akuma is truly capable of. You'll want to keep off of this hand for a while, too."

"Oh, are those the doctor's orders? Why, Felix, it almost sounds like you care about meeee." Marinette was all too amused by Felix's concern for her. She also liked to tease them... AS COWORKERS DO.

"I have an investment in your presence. Now don't be cheeky and let's get you to the nurse's office," They said while holding her wrist and gently pulling her in that direction.

Marinette scoffed, "'An investment in my presence'??"

Felix chuckled while still semi-dragging her by the wrist towards the front of the room, being careful not to hurt her injury even worse, "What did I just say about being cheeky?"

On their way out of the door they passed a VERY distressed-looking Adrien. He seemed to be sharing the sentiment with the entire class of: Did that just happen?

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And thats chapter 4. It is VERY LATE! I know. I've been swamped with work, and when I went to write it, I had zero ideas on how to write this chapter. I never ended up getting those ideas. I just went where my writing took me, so if it doesn't really match the characters that's why. I will try to be better at updating regularly, but it probably won't happen. Sorry to everyone with a normal sleep schedule, but this is the time that I write things. Also I didn't have my outline with me while writing this chapter, so it might not have everything I planned to write in it.

I would like to thank you all for all of the support I've been getting on this fic. Despite all of the chapter delays, you guys have stuck with me through all of it, so thank each and every one of you. I love seeing so many people loving this au as much as I do. Without you guys this story wouldn't exist, and I would've stopped writing it after the first chapter.

As always, constructive criticism is always accepted. I love being able to improve my writing whenever possible.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice day/night/whenever you are reading this. See ya next time guys, gals, and non-binary pals.

Taglist

@queer-illusion @apasponsor @heckinggremlin @1-ahiro-1 @hewantedbeefintheparkinglot @sassakitty @lennauts @rianoel @dorkus-minimus @khneltea @welp-that-was-unexpected @mlnchlymrshmllw @lovelyautumnsunflower @chariphrasis @lovesbooks @komatsuna-yuki @polyvirnl @innocentlyguiltyfrenchfry @qhobias @ive-tumbled-down-a-rabbit-hole @hammalammadamdam @cloudydaysomewhere @alcoholic-barney @basenikon @xxbehindthemaskxx @corporeal-terrestrial @shadowymemoirs @moonlight-densetsuu

[sageworld]

Oblivion; JJ Maybank

Warnings; Season 2 spoilers !

—The one where the teens who were last seen on the night of September 27th are finally found !

Oblivion. That’s what JJ Maybank felt like he had fallen into. Ever since they claimed the Poguelandia & decided to never look back, it was mostly all he ever felt. He didn’t have a big family or hell a family at all to miss him, not many friends. There was one person though, one person he knew wouldn’t forget, you.

He constantly thought about you, the guilt of not coming back for you. He blew off all your texts & calls that day. He was supposed to help you pick out a dress for your schools annual Winterfest, which you had been nominated for. He figured what could a few more hours be, those hours turned into days, the days into weeks & those weeks into months.

He also felt bad about his casual hook ups with Kiara that occurred on Poguelanida. He knew it was wrong but he also couldn’t help but wonder, where you finding yourself being kept warm under another body?

Yet, it all came to an end. They were running out of resources on the deserted island, the crops not being able to grow under the harsh heat of the sun, not being able to make their water drinkable quick enough. At first the plan was to go somewhere else to find resources, see if they can take them back to their little slice of heaven. They however failed to realize all of their faces, had been plastered all over every news channel during the harsh winter season that had just came to an end.

Quickly being spotted, someone called the police who came & detained the teens. It didn’t take long for their pictures to once again plastered onto the news. You had found out before they even got back to OBX, sitting in class when somebody airdropped a link to a live news station. You felt like you were going to puke as you looked up from your phone to see the whole class staring. You quickly got up, grabbed all your stuff & excused yourself.

You laid in your bed, almost in a trance when you heard a know on your window. Sitting up, heart pounding at the thought of who it most likely is behind your soft curtains. You hear the knock again followed by John B’s voice, “Dude, calm down.” “Sorry Im fucking nervous.” You hear his sweet voice. “What’re you nervous for eh? Afraid your girly will cut off your fingers?” A third voice calls out, an unfamiliar accent rang. “Okay, Cleo we need to talk about reading the room.” A voice you can only presume is Sarah’s.

You pull your curtain back to reveal, JJ, John B, Sarah & a girl who you don’t know yet is stunning standing there, staring back. “Hi.” Is all JJ says, stunned. “Hey.” Your voice unsure. “Can we come in?” He takes off his hat. You quickly close your curtains, to them it probably looked rude but you didn’t really care. You ran to your front door & opened it, hearing footsteps approaching.

“Come in.” You say to the four, now standing in front of your door. JJ quickly takes you in for a hug, lifting you up & walking inside with you in his arms. “God, Ive missed you so much.” He sets you down but doesn’t let you go, kissing the side of your head. “I’ve missed you too, J.” You pull away from his hug & offer a smile. He seems confused by your odd behavior but doesn’t question it. He was just expecting you to be more, excited.

“Your hairs shorter.” John B says, trying to cure this awkward silence that had fallen over all of you guys. “Yeah, I uh cut it since the last time I saw you.” “Oh that’s so cool, I want to cut my hair so bad.” Sarah says. “Yeah.” You simply reply before deciding just to ask. “What’re you guys doing here? I thought you all died.” You say. “Well we fought Ward over the cross, oh yeah Wards still alive by the way. We ended up having to escape a ship & oh yeah we have our own island now.” John B simply explains. “You have to see it baby, it’s called Poguelandia & you are the queen.” JJ says in a royal voice.

“I thought you all were dead, my best friends & my boyfriend. I stopped doing cheer so I can help your friends, Pope & Kies families look for you guys. Also, had to start taking anti depressants & you guys were just hanging out.” You voice quiet but filled with rage. “We’ll we meant to let you know we just couldn’t come back, it wasn’t safe.” Sarah tries to reason. “Wasn’t safe? What the fuck wasn’t safe, Ward & your insane brother are gone, John B’s 18 so it’s not social services we’re looking for him & Pope it’s not like you can lose anymore scholarships on ‘Poguelandia’ than you can here, so tell me, what the fuck wasn’t safe?” You mock them, anger running through you.

“You tell them girly.” The new girls praises making you scoff. “Baby, please just calm down.” JJ says coming towards you again.

“Get out.” You simply say, backing up. “What?” JJs face hurt. “You heard me, get out.” “We have no where else to go.” He argued. “If you can live perfectly fine on an island with nothing on it but a few rocks for months, I’m sure you can make it on the banks, now get out.” You shoo them.

“Baby, please.” JJ says before you slam the door in his & his friends faces.

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part IV

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, all characters are adults.

Words: 1880.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

_________

After you came back to your room, you got a message from Steve about changing the locks on both you door and your locker. You were so taken aback by today's conversation in the student council room that you had completely forgotten about it. Apparently, Steve had already requested the change of locks on your behalf through email, and you were really grateful to him for that: you dreaded coming back to the room that had been forced open. Of course, tonight you would have to move your dresser to the door so that nobody could enter when you'd be sleeping.

Shit. It was absolutely crazy.

"I'm not sure about all this, Steve." You texted him while laying on your bed and staring at your phone in the darkness of the room. "It doesn't seem right."

Naturally, you meant the fake dating thing. It felt horrible thinking of what others would think after seeing you with five different guys. Would they be calling you a whore in the open? Make some nasty jokes behind your back? Report you to the school administration for immoral behavior? Remembering those bigots from the student office, you cringed at the thought.

Besides, it still didn't make sense to you why you had to date all five. Sure, if they were around you at all times like your friends, these unhinged bastards who stole your things wouldn't do anything funny again, but it wasn't like that. What could one guy do against a group of other students?

"Listen, I didn't want to talk about it in class, but I'm worried it won't end with a stolen lingerie."

You didn't like his message.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. They might attempt something much worse than a theft."

Oh no. Was he talking about rape? Seriously? Did he anticipate others were so crazy they would do something like that?

But then again, girls were being raped in colleges even if it weren't the all-boys schools. A shiver ran down your spine.

"But if several people attack me, just one of you won't be enough." You typed with your shaky fingers, trembling beneath your blanket.

"It's not about the pure force. Each of us has a certain reputation, and others wouldn't want to cross us over because of it."

Wait, this was interesting. What on Earth did he mean? What kind of reputation was that to prevent people from messing with them?

"Thor is a good athlete and a great leader, his basketball team is ready to beat people to death for him."

"Loki's father is one of academy’s main sponsors, and he can have this school turned upside down if he wants to."

"Bucky is a threat by himself, but he also have a company of loyal friends."

"I don't think Peter is serious enough to scare anyone, but with his computer skills he could easily blackmail others, I’ve already seen him doing it. Students would be wary to cross him over just like any of us."

Steve was writing you a bunch of messages with a terrifying speed, and you could barely read the first when he was already sending you the second. It felt absolutely insane. Did he choose every guy because the more powerful admirers you have, the less others would intervene? Well, at least in case of Bucky and Thor who could beat people to near death, it was wise. You preferred not to think of Peter - you had no idea someone as sweet and caring as him did something as disgusting as a blackmail.

“But what others will think? 5 boyfriends? Others will think you are dating-” you paused, chewing your lips to bit, “- a whore. Nobody gonna stood up for me.”

"Imagine if each of us tells our friends that other four guys were just asked to watch over you, but you date only one.”

Oh. Yes, this was slightly better. Then you wouldn’t have to do something as bold as kissing every guy in public, instead maintaining the mystery who you were really dating. 

Damn, how Steve even came up with this plan? Why was everything so complicated?

“It’s getting late. Good night.” Your phone vibrated again, and you huffed with irritation. You hoped you could ask him a bit more - about what you were going to do with the thieves Steve found, for example - but he was probably getting tired with all your questions. It was better to ask him tomorrow.

___________________

The next morning you were restless: since you were starting to going out with guys, you felt like you needed to look better than you usually were, so you spent your morning working on your hair and makeup. It was like fake dating, right? You had to pretend you wanted to look pretty for them.

What else did you have to do? Cook something sweet for them? Yeah, probably, but not at the start of your relationship. Going to cafe together? Helping each other study? Loki also mentioned the cinema...

You felt dumb. Of course, you dated guys before, but now you realized you had no idea how to act not to cause any suspicion. Oh boy, it was going to be a tough day.

Thor nocked at you door thirty minutes before your first session, but you woke up so early you were more than ready to go. As you opened the door, first moving the dresser back to its place, the guy looked at you with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Hey, what was that?"

"The dresser. I can't leave the door just like that until the lock is changed."

He blinked at you, watching the door and then probably remembering somebody forced the lock open to steal your underwear.

"These guys are batshit crazy." He mumbled and nodded you to go with him, putting his hand on your shoulder. "Don't worry, they won't do it again."

You wanted to argue they definitely would, but, seeing his warm smile, you thought Thor simply wanted to cheer you up and smiled at him in return. In the end, he was here only to make you feel safer: you didn't doubt he was very popular with the girls every time he went out to the city.

"You look great today!" He said sheepishly, walking in the dorm's corridor while other students were staring at him silently, obviously surprised to see you two together. "I mean, not that you looked bad yesterday, I just..."

Watching his face suddenly getting crimson red, you couldn't help but giggle at his expression. You could never think Thor was actually bashful around girls. Yeah, at your old place he'd definitely be one of the most popular guys around.

It was lunch time when you two could actually talk, sitting together at the same table and being watched by everyone around. Strangely, with Thor constantly talking and often rubbing your hand with his, it didn't feel suffocating, and you held your head high: regardless whether those pricks were looking at you, you weren't going to run away to your room and cry there like a little girl. Loki was right: you weren't a silly little sheep, scared of your own shadow. You wouldn't let anyone spoil your time in the academy you dreamt studying in.

Funny enough, Thor turned out to be a talkative type when he was speaking about basketball and his team in particular. He loved sports: while you were more into hockey, the way he talked was so enthusiastic it made you listen to him with a genuine interest. Thor's love for basketball was infectious.

He seemed a simple man, this giant bag of muscles who was laughing so loud people around him flinched; Thor wasn't the exact type of a guy you would encounter on your own, but he seemed nice, sincere, and surprisingly softhearted. You felt at ease talking to him, and soon you too acted like you'd known each other for long.

It was a pity you'd only met under this circumstances. It felt like you two could became friends.

But then when Thor absent-mindedly put his arm around your shoulders, you remembered Loki's warning: they would try to gain your favors. Was it the reason Thor was so nice to someone he just met? Wasn't it suspicious of him? You couldn't let your guard down after just one lunch together. In fact, you knew nothing of the man sitting in front of you.

"I knew something like would happen." Some guy to your left sighed loudly, catching your attention. "They were fucking crazy."

"I'm not surprised either. I just wanna know who they got in a fight with to be beaten like that. Have you heard they broke Gray's both legs?"

"Woah, both? That's brutal, man."

You shivered, trying not to listen to them.

"It'd happen sooner or later anyway. They were completely wild."

A word caught your attention right away: that was what Steve called those students who were stealing your things. Could it be a coincidence? Surely, in an all-boys school the students were fighting each other constantly.

But to the point of breaking both legs of someone? Really?

As you sent Thor a nervous look, he gently patted your shoulder, lowering his voice so no one would hear him, "I'm sure it's nothing to do with you. These things happen here from time to time because the guys have no idea what to do with all that testosterone."

You hoped he was right.

The rest of the day went as usual aside from Thor walking the corridors with you and chatting about sports: he managed to convince you to come see the game next month when they would be having a tournament. You were grateful to him for helping to ease your mind because the news of guys being sent to the ambulance made you shook. Steve also mentioned something about his and other's friends ready to beat anyone to death, right?

By the middle of your last class you couldn't think of it any longer and quickly typed a message to Loki. Of all people, right now he seemed the most sincere to you.

"Hi. Are the guys who were beaten last night are the ones who stole my things?"

Waiting was a special torture when you held the phone in your arms beneath your desk, hoping to see your screen lighting up with a message. In five minutes you got your reply.

"Yes." The message said simply, but it was enough for you to stare at your phone with horror, wishing you didn't ask Loki anything.

Oh shit. It wasn't a coincidence, right? It's impossible. Somebody did it on purpose. But who of the five?

"Do you know who did it?"

Next time he answered pretty fast, "No."

A part of you felt relieved. Maybe it wasn't related, finally. Maybe they got beaten by somebody who was fed up with their attitude because they were crazy as the guys in the cafeteria said.

But what if it weren't true?

"Who's the most brutal among you five?"

Biting your lips, you started rocking in your chair a little, making the guy on your left to roll his eyes in irritation.

The phone's screen flashed again.

"Barnes."

Part V

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Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @soleil-dor @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @stupendouslovegardener @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic

[menofchaos]

Coco

Part IV: Shortening the Roster

Note: More notes from my favorite pen pals. Did everyone see the s4 trailer and a cutie with braids? I’m very excited. Please let me know what you guys think of this update! Photo credit to richardcabralofficial on IG and divider credit to @spideyspeaches​.

Part III

Coco,

I missed getting your letters! Yes, my ex said he couldn’t handle a relationship with me. I’m “too much” As usual. He was fine, just another mediocre lay in the sea of shitty experiences. Men mostly just use me to get off and toss me away when they were done. He did the same but he was at least nice about it. No dude has ever made me cum. EZ laughed because he sent a picture of you two to my bunkie because apparently you were dragging your feet! You do alright?! You’re hot as fuck!!! Loco. Hopefully the wild shit settled down. I’m glad you like my doodle. The tattoo is in this envelope, I hope you like it too. Ask whatever you want, I’m not going anywhere. For a few years anyway. You definitely won’t scare me off. I’m only scary if I don’t like you.

Nyx

Nyx,

That’s why he laughed, the little fucker. Hot as fuck? I’ll take that but are you sure you’re looking at the right guy? EZ’s the jacked one. You’re fucking beautiful. Your ex sounds like a bitch. No dude has ever gotten you off? That’s a fucking shame. I always make sure the women I’m with cum. This tattoo is so dope, I love it. I know you said you don’t want money for it but I put some on your books. Consider it a thank you. Did you go to art school? The question I wanted to ask was if you’d ever wanna talk on the phone or have a visit. If you’re up for it. 

Coco

Coco

Hot! As! Fuck! I said what I said. You’re really crazy if you think my mugshot is beautiful. And he was very clear in who you are. I’m the only person I’ve ever gotten an orgasm from. I probably should’ve asked if you have a girlfriend or old lady (EZ let your mc status slip ;)) before I started talking about my sad ass sex life. I hate asking people for help, especially when money is involved. You didn’t have to do that. Thank you. I’m glad you like it! I’ve never been to art school. Just classes in school till I dropped out. As far as visits go, I’ve never had one. Just from my attorney for the first few weeks of my sentence. I’d be down for a visit. Calls cost money and I don’t have enough. I’m sorry.

Nyx

PS and that was not an invitation to put more money on my books!

Nyx

No old lady or anything. I got a couple fuck buddies when my hand doesn’t do it but they’re more for a warm body. Sad, isn’t it? I think I’m gonna have to cut one of them off. I don’t care that he let it slip, we just gotta be careful with what we say. I can’t believe you draw this good and never been to art school or some shit. Crazy talented. You’ve never had a visit? Why not? You mentioned you don’t get mail either. I’ll try to come see you soon. My name is Johnny Cruz for your visitation list. 

Coco

Coco,

That’s not sad. I get that. Why are you gonna have to shorten the roster, she getting feelings? I’ve always liked drawing. One of my foster moms used to say I had a freak talent. Like no classes but she said I draw better than the art teachers I’d be learning from. My family is all either locked up, dead or strung out. They haven’t been worried about me for years. My ‘friends’ don’t either. So you’re the only person I have to talk to. I bet you don’t feel as sad about yourself now. I put you on my visitation list :)

Nyx

Nyx,

Yeah, she’s been getting clingy even though I’ve been up front with her. Told her this is no strings attached but she thinks she can change my mind. Your foster mom was right. You’re talented as fuck. My family is the same way. My brothers like EZ are my family now, my found family or whatever. I’m working on getting over there to visit. I’m coming to see you, ma. Some of my brothers know about you. So you have all these crazy fuckers who are down to bring you into our family if this goes farther. If you’re looking, that is. 

Coco

Coco,

Sometimes you gotta break hearts. Shit happens, she’s grown. She’ll get over it. I thought you were like some big bad motherfucker. You’re being very nice to me. My life has been pretty lonely, not at all consistent. It would be nice to have people who gave a fuck about me. I don’t wanna burden you and your friends with my bullshit. I’m excited to see you. And I am hoping for this to go farther if we’re being honest.

Nyx

Part V

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

calculated iii, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: You wanted to say that you were able to control yourself around him and not to have wild sex at school. But this is Jeon Jungkook we’re talking about. And what Jungkook wants, Jungkook gets. You wore that pencil skirt for a reason, after all.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; intense smut (fem reader, semi-public sex, dirty talk, nipple play, choking, m-receiving oral, gagging, pussy spanking, fingering, penetrative sex); fluff; non-idol!AU - university!AU; dom!Jungkook x sub!noona!reader, ft Jimin once again, lol

–

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv

-

Career Week was somewhat of a nightmare.

So much running around, prepping tables, setting up presentations, helping the guests with their computers before their seminars, and you had to be dressed professionally too. Not just ‘nice’ clothes, but white dress shirt, slim black tie, tailored black vest, and matching fitted black slacks. It had to be monotone, it had to be hyper professional, and you had to wear heels.

Why had you agreed to this again?

Oh, yes, Kim Namjoon on his knees begging for help because he was overworked and they needed volunteers. And you, being far too responsible, accepted.

Not only were you also overworked, but Jeon Jungkook was staring at you across the auditorium.

In all-black – leather jacket, high-necked shirt, slim-fit jeans. Sharp jawline, tanned high cheekbones, piercing dark brown eyes, his black hair pushed back with a few strands on his forehead, revealing his clean undercut.

And he was smirking at you.

You highly doubted he was here to investigate prospective career paths. Actually, you were a hundred-and-ten percent positive that that was not the reason he was here and the soreness between your inner thighs proved it. You were willing to bet Park Jimin’s right nutsack.

Yeah, sorry Jimin, but you needed all your body parts.

For one reason, really, and that reason was staring you right now.

Who was going to hire him when he was dressed like that anyway? You certainly wouldn’t. Mostly because it was distracting. No one could work with Jeon Jungkook looking like that. You couldn’t, anyway. Well, maybe if his work was wrecking your–

Get back to your damn task, you scolded yourself.

You were setting up chairs for the cardiologist that was arriving soon. All the doctors always had tons of students listening, so the administration instructed you to pack as many seats that could be crammed into the space without causing a fire hazard. You unfolded the metal chairs, arranging them neatly, already knowing they would be an incomprehensible mess when the students left and that you would be the one cleaning up after them.

Sigh.

Come to think of it, it was all Park Jimin’s fault that you were being violently undressed by Jungkook’s eyes right now. If he had kept his trap shut and let you live in blissful ignorance, maybe you wouldn’t be trying to hide your wincing every time you bent over. You snuck a glance at Jungkook.

He cocked an eyebrow, highly amused.

Never mind, you probably still would have been accosted at Calculus I office hours, except instead of the door being closed and locked and having Jimin’s warning texts, you two probably would have been caught and expelled.

You grumbled and slid a chair into place, taking back your former thoughts and thanking Jimin in your mind. He wasn’t even here to witness your inner struggle.

Jimin probably would have found it funny.

You went back to your chairs, not addressing Jeon Jungkook’s presence anymore because if you looked at him again, you probably would have abandoned your post. And he knew it.

-

The next day, you already knew Jungkook would show up again. Mostly because he texted you a winking face of a semicolon and parenthesis, to which you didn’t respond, because you would probably get roped into phone sex in under twenty seconds, and you had to help this extremely riveting lawyer set up his laptop for the projector.

As in, you were ready to tape his mouth shut as he blabbed on and on about his work and how important it was to society, which it was, because defense attorneys were very important, but this guy’s laptop was a fucking hot mess of icons all over his desktop. This was a personal pet peeve of yours, as you liked to be neat and organized, with everything clearly labeled with dates. You didn’t care about most people’s personal habits, but it was annoying when you were trying to assist and the owner of said laptop was not shutting up and demanding noises of affirmation that you were listening.

If it wasn’t Jungkook demanding you to swallow his cock, you honestly couldn’t give a single shit–

You finally got his PowerPoint working and had him scroll through the slides to make sure it was the correct one. He thanked you and you realized the older man was looking at you up and down, the same way Jungkook usually did, except in this case you were not even remotely interested.

Guess everyone had the right to get a good look before they die.

You were wearing a white chiffon blouse with a black silk neck scarf, with a tight knee-length black pencil skirt, sheer tights and sleek black heels. You knew how good your ass looked in this skirt and you had worn it for a specific purpose.

“We will be letting the students in five minutes early to get settled,” you stated briskly, cutting the older man from his daydreams. “You will have forty-five minutes for your presentation, and then we’ll have a fifteen-minute question session, led by my associate, Kim Namjoon here.”

As if on cue, Namjoon appeared, cheerful smile with cute dimples, handing the lawyer a mic.

“Let’s test the microphone and the backup to make sure you don’t have any hiccups,” Namjoon instructed merrily, instantly captivating the man’s attention and diverting it from you.

You mouthed a ‘thank you’ behind the man’s back and Namjoon gave you the tiniest of nods as you excused yourself. Hmph. You knew people would notice – you were wearing makeup for once and would be around students and professionals all day, after all – but to be so shameless and gawk like that was annoying. Plus, the guy probably had a wife and kids.

You made your way to the bathroom to check your appearance. Maybe your makeup was a bit off or something. You had Jimin check you over this morning. Surprisingly, he knew a lot about cosmetics and how to look good in all lighting. Must be a dance major thing.

Ah, the door to the women’s bathroom. You hiked your skirt up a bit do you could use your damn knees to walk, because they had been suffocating for the past two hours–

Long fingers suddenly gripped your upper arm and yanked you around the corner, slamming you into a muscular body and black biker jacket. You nearly stumbled in your heels, but a second hand came to practically lift you off the floor and shove you into the wall.

“Good afternoon, noona.”

A clear, silvery voice.

You couldn’t possibly guess who it was.

“Why, fancy seeing you here, Jung–”

You were abruptly cut off by his lips crashing into yours, one hand grabbing the back of your head and disturbing your perfect bun. You whimpered, feeling him shove you into the wall again, your shoulder blades hitting the painted brick. His tongue slid into your mouth, exhaling into your throat and forcing you swallow his breath. Your hands clutched your skirt, moaning as his hard body pressed yours against the wall.

Jungkook drew back, panting a little. Looking so handsome with his slightly slicked-back hair, black strands around his right eye, chiseled jawline, silver hoops glinting in the hall light. He arched a sculpted eyebrow at you, smirking. His pink lips had a little red on them from kissing you.

“Now, you know you can’t be looking so delicious and not expect me to want to eat you up,” he purred, licking your lips. Your breathing hitched at the touch, unlocking your death grip on your skirt.

“What are you talking about?” you answered evenly despite your panties literally turning into Niagara Falls with the way he was looking at you like a carnivore at an all-meat buffet. “I have to dress like this for Career Week. Everyone has to dress professionally.”

Jungkook nodded, not believing a single word coming out of your mouth. His right hand came up, ink black tattoos against tan skin, and reached around to your bun, slowly pulling the hairpins out. Your skin tingled at the sensation of your hair gradually unravelling.

“A professional that I would hire to sit on my dick,” he mused.

You raised an eyebrow at him, your hair tumbling around your shoulders. “Subtle.”

Jungkook showed you the removed hairpins, opened his jacket, and tucked them in his inner pocket.

“I wouldn’t work for you anyway,” you added haughtily.

With each passing moment, Jungkook was becoming increasingly amused and aroused. You could tell by the way he was shoving his crotch into your thigh and by how wide his smirk was getting. The slacks he was wearing did nothing to hide his erection and you had a sneaking suspicion that he didn’t care.

“Oh? Why not?”

“I don’t know if I could trust someone younger than me to do a good job.”

He was unbuttoning your chiffon blouse now, humming. “I’m good at many things.” His dark eyes flickered to yours. “I think you would know.”

Your hands grabbed his despite him already having all the visible buttons completely open. Cold air drifted onto your heaving chest and white lace bra.

“Jungkook, we’re in a public place, again,” you hissed, narrowing your eyes at him.

“I don’t recall that being a problem,” he drawled, removing his hands from yours and squeezing your ass. “I’m beginning to think you like it.”

You sucked in a breath as his strong hands kneaded you through your skirt. Your hormones would absolutely let Jungkook rip off your clothes right here and let him fuck you, but the sliver of your brain that had any sense at all reminded you that you had to find a closed space. Jungkook slapped your ass, loudly, the sound echoing across the empty hallway. You nearly moaned, but bit your tongue, glaring at him.

“I have to get back,” you snapped. “And look presentable.”

Jungkook licked his teeth. “Hm. You have an hour before you have to appear to the public eye.”

Who the heck told him that? He smirked slyly at you as he saw your reaction.

“I could drag you to the bathroom–”

“At least give me more class than the woman’s bathroom,” you interrupted.

Jungkook looked annoyed that you had cut him off and also looked like he was going to remind you later. His fingers dug into your hips sharply and you gasped, back pressed flat against the wall. He inhaled a deep breath and began again, voice dangerously low.

“As I was saying,” he continued. “I’m going to take you into this classroom that I stole the key for.”

You frowned as Jungkook hoisted you up swiftly, princess-style, shirt still wide open. Fuck, what was he so strong for? He carried you down the hallway to the classrooms. You tried to close your shirt, but he growled at you, so you rolled your eyes and pushed the sides open, letting your bra-covered tits hang out. He seemed satisfied about this.

“Why would you steal a key?” you muttered as he deftly kicked the door open.

Jungkook slid through the door sideways. “So I could fuck you, of course.”

He dropped you and you had to catch yourself on your heels before you broke an ankle and ate shit. Half the lights turned on. You could hear him locking the door as you smoothed your skirt.

You turned to face him, saying, “You shouldn’t be a thief just because you’re horny, Jungkook.”

Jungkook turned around slowly from the now locked door. You were about to say something else, but your words died in your throat as you witnessed the overwhelming lust in his dark piercing eyes.

“I would be a thief, a murderer, and evade taxes for your body,” he snarled, advancing on you.

You pulled your blouse out of your skirt so he wouldn’t rip it, backing up into the desks. “You’ll get caught with the last one,” you said quietly, already removing your blouse and letting it fall onto a spare seat. “First two are acceptable.”

Jungkook grinned devilishly, licking his pink lips.

“Come here.”

You chewed on your lower lip, staring at his beautiful eyes, finding yourself already walking to him, heels clicking loudly in the empty room, but it didn’t matter, because he was the master now and you were the willing servant. Or slave. 

Take your pick.

He smirked at your obedience, placing his hands on your shoulders, stopping you. His dark orbs lingered down your body, focusing on all his favorite spots, pressing his fingertips into your skin.

“One day,” you said quietly. “We’re going to get in trouble.”

Jungkook’s powerful dark orbs shifted upwards, capturing yours. Time slowed down. You stared into his dark brown eyes, unable to look away, your heart beating in time with his words.

“You’re already in trouble.”

Voice haunting you, teasing smirk on his lips, and perfectly in command.

“From the second you let me have my hands on you.”

You gasped as his nails dug into your skin, scratching down your collarbones, leaving red marks. He snapped the straps of your bra, hard, and you whined, eyes pleading for him to take it off. His palms pressed into the lace cups, squeezing them roughly. Tongue dancing in between his lips as he felt your nipples harden, barely covered by the lace.

“You’re so dirty, noona,” he purred, lowering his palms and pinching your nipples through the thin fabric, smirking at your wanton moan. “Wearing such slutty underwear under these professional clothes.”

You whimpered as he tugged on them. “No one’s going to see them but you, Jungkook.”

He clamped your nipples between his thumbs and knuckles, dragging you to him. You sank your teeth into your lower lip, pussy throbbing as you collided with his firm chest. His breath was scorching hot against your skin, making you shiver.

“What if someone finds out? Some idiot like a perverted old man staring at your ass in this skirt?”

You snorted. “I’ll rip his head off.”

Jungkook snickered, flicking your nipples with your answer. “You wouldn’t let me do it for you?”

Your hips rolled into his, hands on his waist to keep yourself up as he played with you. “I’ll reattach it for you so you can do the same.”

He laughed, almost a little too jovially for the part he was playing, but then he was back, tipping his head close to yours, blowing soft air onto your lips. You frowned, glaring at him for the lack of kiss.

“If possible, you’re even hotter dressed like this,” Jungkook murmured, his forehead against yours. “So prim and proper, even with a cute gag tied around your neck,” he added, playing with the ends of your neck scarf. “You could be a CEO, and I could be the janitor fucking you on your penthouse-floor desk.” He was undoing your scarf now, teasing it apart, making you breathless. “Maybe fuck you against the window so everyone can see how good I make you feel, noona.”

“Give yourself a little more credit than a janitor,” you muttered, stiffening as Jungkook ran his fingertips over your throat, nails grazing your skin.

“True, I would rather be your secretary so I can follow you around and stare at your ass in this skirt,” he chuckled, lacing his fingers around your neck. Thumb under your ear, the other four fingers under your other ear. You made eye contact with him. He looked almost bored, one of his eyebrows raised, but he was watching you, predatory and attentive.

“I know what I’m doing.”

His whisper was so soft that you barely heard it, but the words were there.

His grip tightened around your throat.

You gasped, feeling the blood flow thinning, hazing your mind. Jungkook watched your expression, reaching around with the hand that was holding your scarf, unclasping your lace bra. You could feel it fall down your arms, but your thoughts were rapidly being clouded by lightheadedness and lust, Jungkook smirking at you as he lifted the silk scarf into your vision.

“J… Jungkook…” you choked out.

The mole underneath his lower lip winked at you as he grinned, brushing the silk against your hard, abused nipples, touch so light, and yet it made your whine, wanting more stimulation but unable to ask because you knew he was toying with you.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook taunted. “Not intense enough for my naughty noona?”

He choked you harder and you couldn’t respond, eyes rolling back into your head as black spots danced in your vision, the sensation intensifying but still not enough, not enough, and you shoved your hips into his repeatedly, whimpering, hands clutching his black shirt, nails digging into his abs.

“So needy for me,” he breathed, feathery touches of silk against your nipples. “Are you only mine?”

He leaned forward, loosening his grip a little. The blood violently rushed back into your head and all you could hear Jungkook’s cruel whisper of your name, tearing a moan from your lips, a raspy yes, yes, fuck, Jungkook, I’m only yours.

He chuckled darkly.

Then he forced you to your knees, tits bouncing uncomfortably as you slid on your heels, knees hitting the tile floor. You clutched his clothed legs, panting, brain only half-functioning due to the lack of blood and the relentless teasing. You lifted your head back up to look at him, panting hard.

Jungkook cracked his neck sharply, a harsh pop. “I want to believe you, noona, but you’re dressed so fucking sexy that I can’t.” His dark eyes bore into you, tearing you up, and you were dripping onto your inner thighs. He emphasized his words with a raise of his eyebrow.

“Letting other people fantasize about this body that belongs to me isn’t acceptable.”

His hands reached down, fingers of his right hand playing with the button of his pants, tattoos dancing with his movement. He smirked as you watched him, eyes darting from his face to his hands. Shit, you were nearly drooling with anticipation. You swallowed as he teased the button free.

“You gonna show me that you remember who you belong to?”

You nodded quickly, maybe too quickly, but it was doomed now anyway because Jungkook was lowering the zipper, pushing down his pants and underwear, past his muscular thighs. It was obvious this was getting him off as much as it was getting you off, because he was rock-hard, leaking, tip already a dark red. Jungkook grabbed the back of your head and shoved his hips into your cheek, smearing his pre-cum onto your skin, all the way up to your cheekbone. He hissed, using his hand to press the head against your temple, nearly into your hair.

Fuck, he was so fucking close to your mouth, but he wasn’t letting you have it.

Damnnit.

Your tongue snaked out and softly licked his balls, eyes on his face, watching him tip his head back and moan. You licked more, creeping your head closer, pressing your lips against his hot skin. He was letting you do it, holding his cock out of the way as you wrapped your lips around his balls and sucked, pushing them around with your tongue, pleading noises in your throat, begging him for his cock as you bobbed your head up and down under his hips.

Jungkook’s dark eyes shifted down to you, triumphant grin on his lips.

“You want to swallow my cock, noona?” he teased, smacking it against your face, leaving a string of pre-cum connecting your cheek to his cock. You narrowed your eyes at him, as if to say, no fucking shit, you punk ass bitch, and he chuckled deep in his chest. He looked past your head, down your back.

“Such a nice ass.”

You smacked his leg, aware that he was doing it on purpose to piss you off. He smirked knowingly, placing his palm on your forehead and pushing you off his balls.

“Swallow it all and don’t choke,” Jungkook snarled, shoving his cock into your open mouth.

Your eyes widened at the sudden intrusion, relaxing your throat muscles as Jungkook forcefully pushed into your lips, sighing with satisfaction as he buried himself to the hilt, his strong fingers tangled in your hair.

“Fuck, so good,” he moaned, making his cock throb into the roof of your mouth. You whined, hands on his hips, waiting for him to let you move. “Your throat feels so fucking good, noona. If only they knew how good you are, how perfectly slutty you are for me.” He snickered, releasing his hand, glaring down into your eyes.

“But they’re never going to know, because you’ll never service another cock ever again.”

You whimpered, nails digging into his thighs.

He ticked his chin at you. “Go on, noona. Show me how much you love my cock.”

You began to move, pressing your tongue against the bottom as you slid up and down his length, moaning at his taste. So good. You generated more saliva and ran it all over the head, sucking hard. He inhaled sharply as you teased the sensitive underside, tongue against the opening.

“That’s it,” Jungkook breathed. “Give it to me like you mean it.”

You gripped his thighs and began to bob your head back and forth, ramming the head into the back of your throat and squeezing it before arching your neck so it ran across the roof of your mouth and then back down so it hit your throat again. Was this going to make you hoarse? Probably, but you didn’t a single shit, because Jungkook moaning for you and telling you how good you were was much more important. The pace was slow at first, but you went faster and faster, tighter, your breasts bouncing with every movement, eyes closed to savor his taste and steel your concentration of not gagging because Jungkook was so big, so thick, so perfectly rough, and your tongue could feel him throbbing inside your mouth.

“Fuck,” he growled above you, nearly feral with desire. “Fuck, I’m going to cum down that perfect throat of yours, noona.”

His thighs tensed under your hands and you knew he was close. You increased the intensity, neck straining, already aching with how fast you were going.

“Drink it all and don’t fucking waste it.”

Jungkook grabbed you by your hair and thrusted his hips into your face, moaning lustfully as he shot into your mouth, hot creamy strings into your throat. You swallowed fast to avoid choking, gulping loudly as he gave you more, more, fuck it was so delicious that you gasped, swirling your tongue around his jerking cock and lapping it all up. Whimpering, you wrapped your lips around the head and milked it dry, rubbing your lips against the skin where the head and length connected.

“You’re so fucking good,” Jungkook sighed, running his fingers through your hair, pulling it away from your face. “So messy and dirty. I love it, noona.” He pressed your mouth down his entire length and held you there.

Your name drifted out of his lips, a sweet exhale.

He kept you there. You felt some of your spit drip down your chin and hit your breasts. You flinched at the coldness, still holding onto his hips. Jungkook finally looked down at you, chest heaving, panting. He looked like he wanted to say something. You shot him a questioning look, unable to respond, mouth still full of his cock.

He released your head, untangling his fingers from your hair. You drew your mouth back, rubbing your jaw and throat a little. Jungkook had a strange expression, lips parted, brows furrowed, the muscles in his neck tensed. He seemed a bit spaced out. You tilted your head.

Something felt off.

You stood up with as much grace as you could, knees aching, heels snapping to the tile floor. He still wasn’t looking at you. You backed up, to the desks, finding a study one.

“Jungkook.”

You smacked the wood loudly with your flat palm.

He whipped his head towards you, dark eyes flashing. Perfect. You smirked, placing your hands on your pencil skirt. Sank your fingers in, gripping the fabric. Jungkook’s voracious eyes watched your movement, each hike revealing more and more of your legs. A slow smirk formed on his lips. You yanked your skirt all the way up to your waist, revealing your white lace panties and sheer pantyhose, black fabric bunched around your waist.

Jungkook reached down and pulled his pants up, raising his eyebrows as he walked over, lower lip in between his teeth as he grinned at you.

“That’s a dangerous position to be in, noona,” he purred. “You know I love fucking you on a desk.”

You bounced your ass up onto the table, closing your legs, knees together. Placed your hands on your lap, pushing your tits together. Jungkook licked his lips, the predatory glint back in his eye. You kept your tone stern, with a hint if disapproval.

“Really? Because for a second there, I was beginning to think you lost your nerve.”

The menace in his eyes made your shiver with anticipation. You could tell Jungkook liked it too, your word selection, your tone, your defiance. He shrugged out of his leather jacket, and it fell to the floor with an oppressive thump. You sucked in a tight breath. The shirt was short sleeved, exposing his tattooed right forearm and his equally beautiful tanned left one. Some of his long black hair was falling down, brushing against his right cheekbone.

His eyes were so dark that you felt like they were devouring you.

Jungkook placed his large hands on your knees and vehemently shoved them apart, spreading your legs wide. He gave you a cold, expressionless stare as he placed a hand on your stomach, putting you onto your elbows, hips tipped up towards him. You were embarrassingly wet, juices soaked into your inner thighs, lace panties already molded to your soaked folds, the sheer pantyhose doing nothing to protect you from him and his hungry eyes. His voice was icy, making your pussy throb with need.

“Noona, if you close your legs, I’m going to punish you,” Jungkook warned.

Part of you wanted to know what the punishment was, but the other part of you really wanted to orgasm, so kept your snide remark to yourself and simply nodded.

Jungkook removed his hands from your knees and placed them on your shuddering breasts. Fuck. You hadn’t realized you were so horny until Jungkook touched you. A pained whimper strained in your throat.

The side of his lips curved upwards.

“Does my dirty, slutty noona want to be fucked?” His nails sank down, digging into your skin. “Do you want to be used by me, your tight little pussy stretched out and pleading for more?” Jungkook leaned forward, breathing into your face, growling whisper against your lips. He pinched your nipples and you moaned, wanting to kiss him, but knowing he wasn’t going to let you. He chuckled darkly, seeing your desperation.

“Do you want to be a slave for Jungkookie’s cock, noona?”

Fuuuuuuuck.

Your heart was beating so fast that your breathing was coming out in little gasps as he twisted your nipples harshly, rubbing the tips with his thumb. Your legs shook, threatening to close because the lack of friction was killing you.

“Y-yes, Jungkook, fuck yes.”

He yanked on your nipples and slapped them, making you hiss with pain, flinching as the sting shot up your chest. Jungkook reached into his back pocket and produced the silk neck scarf.

“Keep quiet for me noona or everyone will know how much of a slut you are for me.”

And then he shoved your own scarf into your parted lips, gagging you. Not a second too soon, because, without warning, Jungkook immediately spanked your barely clothed clit. You yelped around the silk, thighs quivering. He gripped one of your thighs, digging his nails into it, tearing the sheer pantyhose a little.

“Don’t move and take it,” he snarled.

Your back arched as Jungkook began to slap your pussy, hard, unforgiving, loud, and making you wetter and wetter, so much so his hand was slipping a little with each smack. You screamed around the scarf, hips trembling as they rose to meet each hit, flaring pain in between your thighs but so, so good. He clenched his jaw, dark eyes on your quickly reddening pussy lips that were sucking your panties deeper and deeper into your slit.

“Fuck,” he growled. “Fuck, you’re so hot and so fucking perfect for me.”

He removed his hand from your thigh and ripped the center seam of your pantyhose apart.

You started, eyes widening as you watched him tear through it, yelling at him through the scarf. You still needed to wear those! The small tears were one thing, but a full-on giant rip at the crotch was not going to be comfortable to wear for the rest of the day.

Jungkook smirked, raising a hand to his ear. “What’s that? Can’t hear you.”

You glared at him and was about to remove the scarf from your mouth to scold him, but his smirk turned into a roguish grin.

“Hm? Slap you harder and abuse your clit?”

You paled.

“My pleasure.”

You threw you head back as Jungkook mercilessly spanked your now only lace-covered clit, impossibly fast, towering over you and hooking his arm under your back, dragging you to him, arching your spine more, more, so your tits were straight up, bouncing right in his face as he changed from smacking your clit to rubbing it just as fast, rougher, so intense you were hoarsely wailing into the gag.

All of a sudden, your orgasm violently rammed into you, pleasure racking your entire body, amplified by stinging pain. Your pussy clenched around nothing, wetly squelching as Jungkook breathed hotly down on your nipples, still rubbing you through your orgasm, not letting up. You shook your head furiously, trying to tell him it was too much, that you were too sensitive, but you didn’t lift your hands to stop him, only spreading your fingers against the table, palms flat as your hips raised to his fingers.

You felt his hair brush against your nipples as he licked your cleavage, smirking up at your face.

“One more and then I’ll fuck you the way I want to, noona.”

Your legs were losing feeling from how hard you were locking them in place as you felt Jungkook pry your lace panties out of your pussy, shoving them to one side. Oh shit. You moaned as you felt him shove two fingers into you, eyes squeezing shut as he added a third, scissoring them as he smiled cruelly at you, eagerly watching your reaction.

“Such a greedy pussy, sucking in my fingers like this,” Jungkook drawled, your walls clenching around them, feeling every callus and every joint, all the way to his knuckles. “All mine, my beautiful, slutty noona.”

You would have asked Jungkook what the time was if your brain could still function, but your brain timed itself out, because Jungkook was thrusting his fingers into you now, filling you up, and feeding your need and desperation, assaulting your pussy with pleasure. The pain of your stinging, puffy lips rubbing against his hand added to the ecstasy, heightening it, your moaning now unintelligible behind the silk scarf that was saturated with your saliva. The sound was obscene, sloppy smacking sounds of your drenched hole getting pounded into the desk.

You threw your head back and choked out his name around the makeshift gag, throbbing pussy clamping down on his fingers. Thick, viscous liquid gushed out onto his palm, the back of his hand, dripping down to his wrist. It was so intense that your entire body jerked up into Jungkook’s face, hitting him with your tits.

If Jungkook was mad about it, he didn’t show it. He wrenched his slick fingers out and you whined, watching him with glazed eyes as licked them off, ferally growling at your taste. He released your back from his arm and you slid down, laying against the desk, panting.

“You taste extra delicious today, noona,” he chuckled. “Candy always tastes better in cute packaging.”

You barely had time to register that Jungkook had just compared you to a fucking convenience store snack before he yanked down his pants again, whipping out a foil packet and ripping it open. Less than a second and the condom was on, and then Jungkook shoved his cock into you, a startled gasp dying in your very over-used throat.

Jungkook moaned your name above you, softly and lustfully, pulling your hips closer to him so he was all the way inside you. You clenched around his length and he sighed, small smirk on his pink lips, eyelids fluttering.

“You’re going to kill me one day with how perfectly tight you are for me,” he mumbled.

Your eyes found his and he grinned, looking down at you through his lashes, his hair obscuring half his face.

Fuck, you could stare at him all day.

Jungkook placed your legs around his waist, finally letting them rest from the forced spreading. He roughly jerked his hips into yours and you whimpered, nails clawing into the desk. His fingers dug into your hips and he set his jaw, beginning a hard, fast pace, slapping your hips together, fucking you into the desk. It scraped noisily into the floor, but neither of you cared, you abused pussy lips rubbing against his crotch every time his hips met yours, carried to new heights of pain and pleasure, loving every second, every moment of Jungkook using you to chase his own orgasm, his cock swelling and dragging against your tight walls. So much. So full.

You could never be satisfied with another cock.

“Fuck.”

Jungkook hissed, grip on your hips tightening, bruising you with his fingertips.

“Fuck, noona, I love you.”

Your heart stopped.

And then your orgasm crashed down, overtaking you completely, your head smacking the desk and seeing stars, clenching around Jungkook’s cock and pulsating violently around his length, soaking his thighs with your juices, scent so strong you were sure whatever class that was going to use this lecture hall next was going to smell your cum splattering to the floor.

Jungkook gritted his teeth and rammed his hips into you, dragging you down to meet every thrust, intensifying your orgasm, ripping your pantyhose even more. Once, twice, three times, and he groaned, shuddering as he spilled into the condom, cock shivering inside you as he came. You could feel how much it was, pressing against your walls.

His long hair was all over his face, black strands clinging to his tan skin, sweat dripping off his chin, pink lips quivering, dark eyes roaming over your fucked-out form. Panting hard, matching your heavy, grating breaths behind your now saliva-drenched neck scarf. After a long moment, Jungkook reached down and held onto the condom, slowly pulling out of you.

Holy fuck.

Holy fuck.

You reached up with a shaking hand, pulling the silk out of your mouth. It came out in a long strip of fabric, smacking against your cheek as your removed it from your lips.

Holy.

Fuck.

You sat up, your body screaming at you, seeing Jungkook breathing hard, tying up the condom.

“Did you just tell me you love me?”

Jungkook’s ears turned bright red. He chewed on his lip, biting it hard before facing you. Dark brown eyes suddenly vulnerable, scared. It was the most uncharacteristic expression you had ever witnessed on Jeon Jungkook’s chiseled, handsome face.

“Uh… yeah.”

There was a moment where you realized both you two were mostly naked in a random classroom, clothes thrown everywhere, having made a mess once again.

“Sorry,” Jungkook added quickly. “It slipped out.”

You blinked at him. “Why are you apologizing?”

He rubbed his nose, looking away.

“Well… aren’t you just fucking me because you like to be dominated?”

You frowned. “No, I’m fucking you because I’m in love with you.”

You saw Jungkook freeze. He turned his head robotically, eyes wide and doe-like. “R-really?”

You looked down to notice that your heels were on the tile floor. When had you lost those? You grumbled, trying to straighten out your panties and the remains of your pantyhose. It was doomed. You shrugged, dangling your legs over the edge of the desk as you looked back at Jungkook and his surprised expression. You raised an eyebrow.

“Are you really that much of an idiot?” you muttered, your own cheeks burning, letting out a puff of annoyed air. “Yes, I love you. Why else would I tolerate you staring at me like I’m some kind of zoo animal? Why else would I risk getting in trouble by running around like this? Why else would I let you fuck me at school, in the middle of the damn day, again?”

Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck. “Erm… because I’m hot?”

You rubbed your forehead and sighed exasperatedly, standing up, instantly wincing. Jungkook took a step forward to catch you, but he almost tripped on his pants down his ankles. You caught yourself against the desk and raised a hand, shaking your head.

“Pack your damn dick,” you muttered. You yanked your tights down your legs, removing them and balling them up. They were useless now anyway. You found your bra and put it back on as you eyed your chiffon blouse. Good thing it wasn’t ripped. It only took you a moment to slip it back on, rebuttoning it and tucking it into your skirt. You pulled your pencil skirt back down, straightening it, thighs immediately sticking together from your own fluids.

Yup, still no more comfortable than yanking your pants back on after a session with Jungkook.

You noticed him putting his leather jacket back on and picking up the condom wrapper. He took the silk scarf from the table and shoved it in his back pocket. You went back to him to gather your shoes, but he knelt down, holding out your black heels as if you were Cinderella.

“I can just–”

“Step.”

His tone was sharp and you immediately obeyed, raising your foot and stepping into your shoe. First one, then the other. Jungkook stood back up, exhaling a little. You looked up at him. His chocolate eyes flitted about tensely. He opened his mouth to speak.

“Do you… uh…”

You cut him off. “Jungkook, if you cheat on me, I will personally castrate you with a spoon.”

He cringed. “Ouch.”

You took the used condom and the wrapper bits from him, shoving them into your balled-up pantyhose. You marched towards the door confidently, pain shooting throughout your body with every step. Jungkook called after you.

“Your hairpins.”

You turned your head back a little.

“You can drop them off at my apartment later.”

And then you unlocked the door and stepped out of the classroom.

Park Jimin waved at you, grinning. Plump lips curved into a mischievous smile, wearing a denim jacket and jeans. You almost jumped seeing him standing there. What the fuck is with this guy’s timing? He eyed your hand holding your ruined pantyhose and you put it behind your back, glaring at him.

“I told Namjoon you had a lady emergency.” Jimin wiggled his eyebrows at you before holding up your phone and black purse, the belongings you had left in the back room. “You took longer than you should have.”

You felt your ears burn. “Shit. I need to get back.”

“To Jungkook, yeah,” Jimin chimed teasingly, making you glower at him.

Of course. Jungkook had turned Jimin into his scout for your escapades. Fantastic. You suddenly felt a strong presence behind you. The door had opened and Jungkook’s arm snaked around your waist, yanking you possessively to his side. He placed his chin on top of your head, inhaling the scent of your hair.

“You wanna go on a date, noona?” Jungkook purred, his free hand playing with the ends of your disheveled hair.

You pursed your lips. “I have to get back and help Namjoon.”

Jimin waved a hand. “He’ll be fine for one day. Plus, you’re being kidnapped.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but Jungkook slapped his hand over your lips, marching you in the opposite direction of Career Week, Jimin skipping behind you two, cheerfully humming.

-

part iv

--

masterpost

[machine-gun-casie]

tavern music

synopsis: corpse hears tavern music coming from your room (gn!reader)

warnings: rpf, reader gets cheated on, kind of unrequited feelings, mostly hurt/comfort and physical affection tho (what im trying to say is that this is mostly self indulgent)

wc: 1.7k

a/n: havent written in a while but i found this in my arsenal, fixed it up a bit and viola. original plans for this was definitely something longer that would end with them being together but im not up for writing rn. been feeling really shitty lately and ive been needing something like this in my life. hope u guys like it ♡

He couldn’t hear it at first. His headset was on and everyone was being so loud on the discord call. When he started the stream, he really thought it was gonna be a long one. But he’s only two hours in and he’s ready to get the hell off because something was definitely wrong.

“Corpse?” His name being spoken finally broke him out of his trance, he only hummed in response. “You’ve been really quiet. Are you sure you’re up for another game?”

“Actually,” he starts as he closes a few tabs, “I think I’ve gotta go. Today was fun, though. Thanks for having me guys.”

After a chorus of ‘goodbye’s and ‘see you later’s, Corpse disconnected from the discord call. “Thank you guys for being here,” he addressed the chat, “sorry I’m ending so early today. I promise I’ll make it up to you next time. Take care of yourselves. Later.”

After hanging up his headset and getting out of the chair he’s been sitting in for far too long, Corpse made the short trek to your room. 

You had only been roommates for less than four months, but Corpse could confidently say that you have become one of his closest friends. Getting a roommate was the last resort that he never wanted to actually resort to. But alas, medical bills were piling up and youtube and music don’t make half as much money as people think they do. So cutting rent in half was the best plan he could come up with. He did have an extra guest room that no one ever stayed in. Of course having someone move into his personal space was terrifying to him. He didn’t just want to post an ad on craigslist or something. So he asked a couple trusted friends to ask a couple trusted friends… And that’s when you came in.

You were the trusted friend of a trusted friend of a trusted friend. When you met, you didn’t make a comment about his voice. Your face sure as hell showed your surprise but you didn’t say anything. To Corpse, this meant one of two things. You either knew who he was but didn’t want to freak him out, or you didn’t know about his online persona and were just genuinely shocked by his voice. It only took a few minutes of knowing you to know that it was the latter. Thank god. You were like anyone your age with social media. You had a few accounts, followed a few people, but mostly used it to stay in contact with friends. 

It only took you guys a week to realize you had way too much in common. After many a late night when he wasn’t streaming, and many an early morning when he was just done streaming, you two became inseparable. Nothing could keep you apart.

Except for one thing.

You had a boyfriend.

There was nothing wrong with your boyfriend, per se. Just the fact that he was your boyfriend and Corpse was not. 

Yeah, Corpse definitely had feelings for you. 

But right now, feelings didn’t matter when he could hear tavern music coming from your room.

He knocked lightly and pushed the door open slowly. “y/n? Can I come in?”

No response came, just sniffles and sobs. The lack of refusal on your part gave him the courage he needed to open the door wider and step into your room. He had only been in your room a couple of times since you had moved in. But he had never been in a room that gave off the feeling of a person so well.

You were curled up on your bed, facing your open laptop screen and the tavern music coming from its speakers. With every sob shaking your chest, Corpse felt his heart break. “y/n,” he murmured softly, “what’s wrong?”

“It’s not working.” Came your reply, heavy with tears. “You said it would make you feel like you're going on an adventure but I still feel like crap.”

“What happened?” Corpse asked as he sat down on your bed, facing you. You slowly sat up and crossed your legs at your ankles in front of you.

“He-” You sighed heavily. “He cheated on me.”

“What?”

“He cheated on me -has been cheating on me- with my best friend. My little brother found out.” You groaned and dramatically dropped your head onto Corpse’s thigh. His hand immediately came in contact with your cheek as he brushed a few stray tears away.

There was rarely any physical contact between you and Corpse. Sometimes you’d give him a high five, sometimes he’d give you fist bump. And there was that one time you came up behind him at the grocery store and hugged his arm to your chest. You immediately whispered something along the lines of ‘creep won’t leave me alone’ followed by a loud ‘hey babe!’

Corpse could barely admit to himself how much he liked that.

But this? This felt good. Corpse’s large warm hand on your face somehow made you want to cry more but in a good way. The tenderness with which he held your face made your heart squeeze as it remembered moments like this with your boyf- ex boyfriend. But then it remembered your brother’s words.

“Hey, what’s up?” You spoke as you answered his call. Your brother wasn’t much of a caller, so it made you worry. 

“Hey, where are you right now?”

“I’m home, why?”

“y/n… There’s something I gotta tell you.” He sighed and you could clearly hear the guilt.

“Did you break my DS!” It was your first thought as you had given it to him the last time you had seen him. “Dude! I’ve had that since I was seven!”

“No no, I called about something else.” He cut you off mid-whine. “But also I did lose the pen.” You huffed out a sigh of frustration but stayed silent so he could tell you what he wanted to tell you. “I saw your boyfriend at the park today.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “And?” How did this warrant a phone call? 

“He was with Bob.” 

When you had met your best friend, your brother was only a toddler. He had decided that her name was Bob, so it stuck. You always called her Bob, she was saved as Bob in your phone, your whole family called her Bob. But you still didn't understand. Why was he calling you to tell you that your boyfriend and your best friend were at the park? 

“Why are you calling me about this? You know that they’re friends, right?” You let out a chuckle, albeit still pretty confused. “They’re allowed to hang out without me.” 

“They weren’t hanging out.” You could hear your brother push out a strained sigh. What wasn’t he telling you? “They were making out on the swing set. As in, both of them on one swing. And I double checked, it was definitely them. I-I told mom and she said not to tell you, but I couldn’t not tell you when I’m the one who saw it!”

You couldn’t bring yourself to say a word.

“I’m sorry, y/n.”

There was no lying to yourself, you had doubts about your best friend and your boyfriend. But you constantly brushed it off. He wouldn’t hurt you like that. Hell, she couldn’t hurt like that. Not after everything you had been through together. 

But you had seen his call log by accident one time, he called her more than he did you. She face-timed him one time to ask his opinion about a dress she was going to buy while you were in the changing room. She had done a handful of things since your relationship with your boyfriend started that made you uneasy. If this was their first kiss, which was something you doubted, then they’ve both been emotionally attached to the other for far too long.

All those tender intimate moments, all those dates, throughout everything, he wasn’t faithful. Not emotionally, at least. None of those moments that you cherished meant anything to you anymore. He had played you. With none other than your best friend since middle school. You didn’t know who to be more mad at.

The thoughts of betrayal from someone who you considered a sister and the hurt of being cheated on made you nauseated.

So when the large warm hand on your face stroked your cheek again, you didn’t mind it. This was Corpse. Not your cheating boyfriend. Not your lying best friend. Corpse. And you knew that he would never hurt you.

“He’s been cheating on me for a while I think.” You mumbled against his sweatpants. “Maybe a couple months. I don’t know.” 

Corpse furrowed his brows in thought. You had told him you were going to visit your boyfriend for your one year anniversary next week. “Weren’t you go-”

“Yeah.”

“And Bob’s been your friend since-”

“Yeah.” Your chin wobbled as you answered. You brought your arms up around Corpse’s thigh and hugged it. It was a strange position, but you didn’t care. He was so warm and nice and hugging him properly required more movement on your end than you were willing to do.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Corpse sighed and reached out to untangle your arms from his leg. He gently pulled you across the few inches of bed between you and sat you in his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, immediately sobbing into his shoulder. “Do you want me to turn off the music?” You shook your head no against him and he chuckled before he solemnly sighed. “When did you find out?” 

“When I came home.”

“But you came home hours ago. Have you been in here this whole time?” You nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were streaming, didn’t wanna interrupt.” You shrugged.

“y/n,” he sighed disappointedly, “you’re my best friend. I can end a stream if you need me.”

“Okay.” Your voice, broken and weak and tired, made him feel so guilty. You had been crying your heart out for over two hours just down the hall from where he was.

He gently grabbed you by your hips and tried to push you away, but you only held on tighter and whimpered. “I just wanna get you some water.”

“I don’t want water.”

“Then what do you want?”

“You.” You whispered. “Please stay.” 

Fuck. How could he say no to that?

So he stayed.