#'Casey those all sound so similar' yes.

[2aceofspades]

Trick or treat! It's fanfic anon, here to drop off a treat for you! Rereading Wrong Fabricated Time Branch has me feeling things and I wrote this little magnetic duo thing-

---

Cassandra didn't come back.

Between Casey Junior, the entire rest of the Resistance, and trying and failing to be there for his family, Leo barely had time for himself. Heh, what was a little less time for himself when there was the rest of the world to take care of?

So then, Leo found himself caring for a child that wasn't his; said child sleeping peacefully for the first time in days. That part was fine, not at all stressful. With that child loosely swaddled in his own scarf, he paced around the room as he briefly (and quietly) laid out the plans for the next resource raid. His energy waned, his vision blurring and his words turning into white noise. His steps grew more haggard, but standing or sitting still wouldn't feel right either.

Out of the corner of his eye, Leo noticed a familiarly large silhouette walk past the open door. No, not quite walking past; more like walking towards. He merely nodded to address the other presence, not quite recognising who was standing there until he dismissed the rest a few minutes later.

The moment the last member left the room, Leo identified the closest horizontal surface, set Casey Junior on a chair, and immediately collapsed onto the hard wooden table.

"Leo?"

Leo could only groan in response, recognition finally taking root in his mind. He turned his head away from the source of the sound, groaning. He just wanted his two minutes of table time before the next team went in.

"Leo. It's important, we need'a talk."

Despite the fatigue in his bones, Leo sat up (yes, on the table) to face the snapping turtle. Oof, the big guy was getting blurrier than he remembered, but he assumed he looked focused enough to "make eye contact".

"What is it? News on Cass? Missing resources? Someone lost their kid?"

"Not that."

"Then what?"

There was silence, and Raph's glare (Leo's assuming) was piercing enough. Be it a result of their odd ability to mind meld or something similar, Leo knew Raph wasn't here to talk about the Resistance.

The slider sighed, "Then it isn't important."

Leo couldn't quite see the expression on Raph's face change, but there was a shift in the tension of the room. "Leo. Everyone can see it. You need rest."

"Wha-hat?" Leo sounded way too surprised for it to be funny, but he had to make an attempt at levity, "You think I'm tired? Are you mistaking me for Donnie?"

Raph didn't even pause. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Uh-" He stifled the way his words began to slur.

"Or the last time you had more than five minutes for yourself?"

"Well-" He fought his faltering vision.

"Or the last time we talked about stuff that doesn't concern the Resistance?"

"Come on, that isn't fair!" He knew Raph was mad, but it wouldn't be the first time.

"Tell me."

The leader could nearly feel the glare on the other. He could only cross his arms, stopping himself from curling in on himself. Falling back into old habits wouldn't help anyone.

"Hey! I'm saving the world, right?" The slider tried to stop himself from sounding accusatory, but it came out targeted anyway, "Fixing my mistakes, making the right sacrifices, being a hero?"

"Listen to me-"

"We're doing better now than we were before; who cares if it takes a few all-nighters-"

"Leo-"

"I'm getting results!"

"Raph just wants his brother back!"

His vision blurred even more, cold streaks going down his face as the weight of those words sunk in. No, they didn't sink; Raph threw those words like bricks and Leo could only shatter like glass.

"You're the only one we barely see."

Leo let himself curl into a ball, holding his knees up to his plastron. He wanted to feel like a child again, but that wasn't what he deserved.

"Always busy talking to other members, never letting the rest of us help with Casey, always throwing yourself headfirst into danger when someone else was at risk," Raph muttered that last part, and Leo sunk his head into his shell, "You may be the leader, but Raph's still the oldest. I want to know what's going on with you."

It took a moment for Leo to construct a word, let alone the sentence. He made an attempt at speech, only for it to come out a defeated chirp.

Raph must've made a face, even if Leo could barely see it. He first heard the click of a door closing shut, then the softness of fabric against his wet eyes and cheeks. "Raph's sorry for yelling."

"Chhrrr..." (It was deserved.)

Raph didn't understand. Maybe much to Leo's benefit. "But please just listen to Raph for once... I won't leave you alone, none of us will. We're in this together, 'kay?"

"Erp..." (No promises.)

A pause.

"Can Raph hug you?" Leo paused, but nodded. He leaned forward and fell into a familiar embrace. Unconsciously, he found himself sinking into the warmth the other provided, melting like a cat in a container.

Strong, secure, safe, even when the apocalypse outside raged on. For once, he'll allow himself this one comfort.

GAH-

You...you can't do this to me okay???

THIS IS CANON NOW OKAY YEAH THIS HAPPENED-

I couldn't stop myself...

It...it was just too vivid in my mind 🥲

[swearphil]

2023 writing gif-making round up

Rules (adapted for fic, gifs, art, etc.): Share what you made this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you made or just the projects you're most excited about. tagged by @reasonandfaithinharmony! thank you, friend!

buckle up, friends, because I somehow posted 98 gif sets this year and it's probably going to be 100 sets by the end of the year tbh. that number sounds so ridiculous. it's all your faults because part of the reason why I made so much was because I felt so encouraged and loved by the people I've gotten to know and know better this year, so thank you.

I started trying to put all the sets in a post and that just got overwhelming for me to look at so we're doing my top favorites with some fun statistics at the end. I think it'll come as no surprise that I mostly made rwrb and heartstopper sets this year, so I decided to do my top 5 rwrb sets, top 5 heartstopper sets, and top 10 miscellaneous sets.

top 5 rwrb sets

page to screen ripped pages: this is the first set I made after the movie was released. I worked on it for hours and really enjoy how it turned out. the text placement was what took the longest. I knew what words from each passage I wanted to highlight so it took some rearranging to make sure those were visible.

acd x all american bitch: the idea for this came about when casey posted an instagram story of GUTS and songs that correspond with their characters. I love me some bi coloring, so using that for this set was really fun!

firstprince x wildest dreams: I don't know what it is about this set that makes me love it so much. I think it's the shade of pink and then the light orange from the text.

henry "that is him, part and parcel": I adore henry and bea and that's all I have to say about this set.

firstprince x exile: I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the tags for this one and I am not sorry at all for the pain I have caused. I got the idea for this set after sending @kiwiana-writes the fake fic title "I gave so many signs" and they wrote a heartwrenching summary. I immediately wanted to do something with it!

top 5 heartstopper sets

moments of healing: day two of heartstoppercentral's pride celebration for this year. putting this together made me really emotional. I'm so grateful for alice and these moments of communication we get on the show.

imogen x ballad of a homeschooled girl: yes, I did intentionally use colors on the lesbian flag for this set. it was actually going to be purple at first to match the GUTS album but I didn't like how it looked. I tried pink, liked it, wondered what color worked with pink, and thus the color palette was born!

narlie x brighter than sunshine: day 3 of heartstoppercentral's pride celebration. as schitt's creek fans know (and as a couple people pointed out in the tags), this is the song that plays at the end of "Meet the Parents." I think I knew right away I was going to use this song for this day of the event.

narlie x fearless (taylor's version): I still can't believe I made this set. it's something just last year I would have deemed too complicated. I'm proud of myself for this one.

charlie standing up to ben: this set idea was suggested by @swiftlythebest. idk if this was intentional on alice's part, but I really enjoy how charlie says similar sentiments in both episodes. like "leave me alone" -> "I don't want to see you ever again."

top 10 miscellaneous sets

alexis rose + "destined to be on fire": I can't believe how much I've grown as a gif maker over the past three years and this set shows that growth. I also adore alexis and her journey.

david/patrick open mic: I made this set once I got back home from seeing noah in concert. I was truly close to tears during the concert when I realized I was watching him perform a song from a show I have loved for three years.

david/patrick relationship dynamic: @reasonandfaithinharmony @roseapothecary and @rmd-writes are to thank for this set coming into existence. the fact that I had so many scenes to choose from shows that this truly is david and patrick's dynamic.

schitt's creek + barbie posters: I knew right away what kind of barbie david and alexis were going to be.

GUTS + favorite lyrics: god I really love this set. the typography? the coloring? I really outdid myself.

the good witch + ages: another set I just absolutely adore. I love the shades of pink I used. also, maisie, thank you for including consecutive years in the album because it really would have bugged me if they weren't lol

danandphilgames + fuck land: my url becomes relevant again! if you told me at the start of this year that the gaming channel would be back, I would not have believed you.

calliette x love affair: I really love the overlays for this one. it just ended up working well on its own with little manipulation from me. the song is from the end of the last episode. it worked great for the antagonists event!

ellie x you're on your own, kid: I had this idea for a few weeks before I actually got around to making it. I remember being worried and surprised that no one else that I saw did a set with this song.

vampire by olivia rodrigo: the lyric "bloodsucker, fame fucker" really did something to me.

fun statistics: out of the 98 sets I made

39 are rwrb

34 are heartstopper

8 are schitt's creek

6 are music artists

5 are dan and phil

4 are the last of us

1 is tarlos

1 is calliette

32 use taylor lyrics

tagging (no pressure of course!) @roseapothecary @swiftlythebest @rmd-writes @leclercpiastri @mulderscully @victoriaspriing and if anyone else wants to do this, feel free to say I tagged you!

[masschase]

im here to fulfill the random question request 🙏

1. care to spare a teensy Matt x Casey headcanon that we’ve never heard before?

2. if you were to write that sequel, what exactly would it center around? hypothetically of course! wouldn’t want you to give too much away 😉

(also i hope you’re doing well!! 🫶🏻)

Thank you so much 😊

Random questions are always, always appreciated of course but I really needed something to focus on while drawing is going badly 😅

A (not soo teensy) headcanon about Matt and Casey I haven't talked about yet:

Something Matt and Casey really missed on the spaceship was rain. Stilwater and London both get over 100 days of rain and it's one of those things you don't realise you miss until it's gone.

Like, yeah, OK, everyone time jumps to Earth. The Saints go to sunny beaches, they play in the snow, they walk in the autumn breeze. So yes, they do end up out in the rain at times. But something is missing. It's that feeling when you're just laying in bed and the rain is beating down hard on the windows.

Ragnarok, however has a lot of lush forests, and while the exact process is unclear, it's hypothesised that forested regions generate more water vapour meaning more rainfall. So I think it's fair to say that the new planet sees a reasonable amount of rain.

In Matt and Casey's first house on their new planet, they would hear the rain on the windows and it was such a comfort. Missed, atmospheric, nostalgic. It sounded the nicest on the skylight above their dining table though.

So by the time two of three devastating alien attacks had occured, and they were building their new and most refined house, they put their bedroom on the top floor with four large roof windows. So when it's raining they can just cuddle up in bed at any time of day, and just listen to and watch the rain together.

About my sequel fic

So the plot of my sequel focuses on the third of the aforementioned alien attacks. The starting scene is the final scene of the penultimate chapter of the first fic, "An Introduction" (the bulk of that chapter focuses on Casey finally telling the remainder of the team her real name so that's the double meaning for that particular chapter) but from Matt's point of view.

This is a slight change in format; chapters will alternate between Matt and Casey's point of view throughout, with the beginning/end sections being told from various Saints' perspectives rather than the same person the chapter is told from as seen in Out Of Time. My working title is Out Of Focus.

This attack has a similar "attack them before they become important" theme as the first one, but in this both Casey and Matt are being targeted, as due to events in the first story, their names are pretty well-known throughout the universe.

The same "cannot encounter yourself" rules apply as well as Johnny not being able to travel back as it'll alert Zinyak, so the now pretty large team of Saints has to be divided between DC (Matt, Asha, Charlie, Ward, Riley, Jezebel), London (Casey, Shaundi, Pierce, Daniel, Charlie) and the ship (Kinzie, Johnny, Keith, Rhys, CID, Ben). These are just proposed teams and also I can't remember if I've remembered all the 2023 Saints but you get the picture 😅

Obviously as I am more of a romance writer than anything else, there is a focus on the fact FOUR couples are torn apart by this situation, and what is/was going on in their relationships prior to this. Matt and Casey are dealing with fertility issues, Pierce and Rhys are planning their wedding, Charlie and Ward are having some problems and this is practically a trial separation for them, and Kinzie and Riley will maybe find this brings them closer (I've not quite established where they are relationship wise which is why this is vague). I'm not opposed to some Shasha coming into play somewhere too... y'know I had Johnny make a joke about them in the last fic but now I'm actually thinking about it...?

Anyway there's a lot of things at play where Matt and Casey can't tell each others past selves they're together in case it prevents their relationship playing out as it does. I won't spoil all the subplots but yeah, I have a lot of thoughts. A vague overall idea. Much like the first one, I imagine I'll be in the mood to write one day and it'll just happen.

[obsidiancreates]

Vision Quest Liveblog

Another peaceful forest shot... oh okay Leo is hunting a dear. Guess we're in Mirkwood now.

YEAH SWEETIE YOUR LEG IS STILL HEALING BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE LANDINGS

Oh shit was I right? Mirkwood, magic deer?

Oh it's charging IT FUCKED HIM UP OH SHIT THIS DEER GOT HANDS- HOOVES, I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL

AND ALL LEO HAS IS A "Huh" AND A CUTE FACE?!?!?!

TEACHER RAPH TEACHER RAPH why'd you gotta do those moves first? Was it a warmup thing or just for the dramatic effect?

WH- WHY IS DONNIE STANCED LIKE THAT DID THEY FORGET TO ANIMATE HIM

Kick Casey in the face April DO IT

SHE DID IT HA I love Casey but it was funny

DONNIE STOP IT YOU TWO ARE FRIENDS NOW REMEMBER?!?!?!? STOP CACKLING AT HIM LIKE THAT

YEAH LEO JUST GOT FUCKED UP BY A FUCKING DEER- HE THINKS THIS IS BECAUSE HE SPENDS TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS PHONE AND EATING CHIPS?!?!?!?!? LEO HONEY NO THAT DEEP WAS PROBABLY RABID OR SOME SHIT

Donnie, are you really advocating for Leo's plan here? Or are you just pointing out that Splinter had a similar idea once for accuracy's sake?

"What are we, hippies?!" I'm with Raph this is a bad idea

3 DAYS?!?!?!?!?!

Leo did take one too many kicks to the head, you're exactly right Casey.

NINJA'S ONLY?!?!?!? LEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Casey, April didn' seem to love the shoulder-hug "stuck together" thi- PFFFFFFFT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH DONNIE'S EYES HE LOOKS SO PATHETIC LIKE A WET KITTEN AND HSI OICE WAS SO SMALL AND SAD PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

ICE CREAM KITTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OH SHE'S SO CUTE AND SWEET I LOVE HER

DONNIE FOR FUCK'S SAKE APRIL AND CASEY ARE NOT FUCKING STOP IMPLYING THAT THEY ARE GOD WHY

Leo babe. This is the trauma talking, not a spiritual realization.

UHG NO BURP SOUNDS NO MY HATRED

Ah yes. Treetop meditating. The classic refinement method. Leo's making this up as he goes, I know it.

Mikey I dunno if Being A Squirrel makes you spiritually refined but you do you I guess- oop there's tat squirrel phobia rearing it's head.

Rock carrying????? Yeah Leo's winging this

This music is so peppy!

Oh god Raph knows how to start fires now, we're all doomed

Two Donnie close-up focus shots in a row? Well, I know who's getting in trouble later now.

BLACK HOLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I dunno about Magic Deer Le- oh, I stand corrected, there's a Deer Fae watching them.

PFFFFFT INSTA DEATH ATTACKS- OH FUCK DONNIE HIT RAPH AND DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE OH RAPH'S GOT X EYES WHERE DID DONNIE HIT HIM OH GOD

DONNIE CHILL THE FUCK OUT YOU KEEP WOUNDING YOUR BROTHERS SHEESH

Yeah Mikey, it ran away. BECAUSE YOU ALL ATTACKED IT

BLUE FIRE- SPLINTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh he a force ghost okay

Yeah it ran away BECAUSE YOU ALL ATTACKED IT

Sad boys hours

Blue fi-SPLINTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH HE A FORCE GHOST NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Won't stand a chance against The Shre- Splinter I think Shredder isn't the main concern right now MAYBE IT'S THE ALIENS ACTUALLY

Um, Splinter? If you downplay disability as Just Mental again I'll finish you off. I know that's not what he meant but that's what he said by accident.

Journey out alo- they ARE training to be Jedi! They're gonna find Darth Vader in a cave!

"Raph, you've got anger issues. Mikey, you've got ADHD. Donnie, you're autistic. Leo, you've got Older Sister Syndrome. This can all be fixed by Being Outside. Yes I am indeed a Boomer/Gen X (IDK which) parent, how can you tell?"

Oh no it can be fixed by sleeping, okay- IF THEY DIE IN THE GAME THEY DIE IN REAL LIFE

THEY'RE FORGING SHIT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! FUCKIN' DWARVES NOW?!?!?!?! YOU'RE IN THE HALLS OF EREBOR NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

RAPH HAS FLAMETHROWER CLAWS NOW OH SHIT WAIT HOW DID THEY- WHERE DID THEY GET THE METAL- WHAT IS- HUH?!?!?!?!?!

DONNIE HAS A FUCKING AXEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHAT THE FUCK AND A MASK OH HE'S SO FUCKING JEALOUS OF CASEY

Oh look Mikey actually MADE ARMOR PIECES but again WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GET THE METAL

Andddd Leo is Legolas now.

Oh wow Raph's cheek bits on the new mask look dumb

Hey wait, Donnie's gonna be all fucked up now with the axe though because it throws off the weight balance. Of all of the new weapons, his makes the lease sense for his skillset.

Oh my poor Limping Leo- MAGIC DEER

BRIDGE?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Shit I think Leo stumbled onto Goatman's Bridge actually

Oh nevermind it's the one The Five fought Tai Lung on in Kung Fu Panda

God Raph looks so fucking dumb- finding a hidden pirate ship? Honey you set out for a spiritual journey, not an Oblivion DLC.

Donnie GPS wouldn't help you on a mountain anyway, there's no signal. Unless it's a pre-loaded thing I guess, he probably takes that into account.

Pffffff he understood that instantly "YOU'RE GONNA- oh wait you guys are ghosts, right."

Pfffffff poor Donnie, always right about the worst things

Oooooh Mikey looks so cuteeeeeeee

You can't do this all day though, Leo, because you only have so many arrows- ooh there goes the bridge, damn this really is the one from Kung Fu Panda

TAKE THEM SPIRIT WORLD BITCHES OUT MIKEY YES- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT THIS BITCH RAHZAR IS BACK FUCK OFF- OH HIS LINES GOT COOL

Raph WHEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DID YOU GET THE FLAMETHROWERS AND HOW DID YOU MAKE THEM AND WHY IS THIS ALLOWED ON THE SPIRIT QUEST

AH IT'S FISHFACE

So who's Donnie gonna get then? HE'S FUCKING AXE THEM IN THE CHEST AND THEY DIDN'T TURN INTO POOF CLOUDS LIKE LEO'S DID WHAT THE FUCK

HE HIT THE MOUNTAIN SO HARD IT BROKE PIECES OFF HOW FUCKING STRONG ARE THESE TURTLES DUDE

OH SHIT DONNIE GETS TIGERCLAW OH HE FUCKED HIM UP- pfffft "Does that feel real to you?" "Absolutely."

Hiiiii Shredder, fuck off now- OH HE'S SHAMING LEO FOR BEING DISABLED I MUST KILL

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MIKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Oh wow Donnie just really into Mountain Breaking today, huh?

RAPH'S GONNA FUCKING DROWN SHIT- oh good he's out of the water

LEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Is Mikey gonna be the first to master his spiritual stuff? Oh Ice Cream kitty interrupting his thoughts, god relatable I am thinking about my cats 24/7

Mikey's discovering Hyperfixation Mode HE FUCKING DESTROYED HIM WHOOOOOOOO

OH DONNIE NO SWEETHEART- OH TIGERCLAW SPIRIT YOU BITCH

Donnie needs to use the mask to feel unmovable and stand his ground, huh? Perhaps... because when he thinks of those traits, he thinks of Casey? Hmm?

PFFFFFFFF "YOU WILL FALL" OKAY MEGATRON FROM G1

HE DID IT HE THREW HIM OFF Shit and then watched him go down, I wonder if he was expressionless behind the mask or if he was grinning really widely. ... I wanna believe he was grinning.

RAPH SERIOUSLY WHERE AND HOW AND WHEN AND WHAT ARE THESE FLAMING CLAW THINGS WHAT THE FUCK DUDE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU ACTUALLY MAKE THESE YOURSELF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Well Fishface was easy

YEAH SHREDDER THAT'S HOW BEING WOUNDED WORKS FUCKFACE

LEO YOU CAN JUST ADAPT YOUR STYLE- NO CLIPPING DEER?!??!?!?!?!? FLOATING DEER?!?!?!?!?!!? WE'RE IN SKYRIM NOW?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE THEY REALLY DID THE "IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE" BULLSHIT I NEED TO PUMMEL EACH INDIVIDUAL WRITER OF THIS SHOW AND SEE IF THEY THINK PAIN IS AN EXCUSE AT THE END OF IT

FUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK THIS

THE DEER WENT INTO LEO'S BRAIN WHAT

HE WALKED ON THE BLADE PART HIS FEET

OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ARROW IN THE EYEBALL SHIT OW OW OW HATE IT

Doesn't he decapitate Shredder later?

Pfffff Casey and April have been learning how to break boards, meanwhile everyone else got Brand New Action Figure Designs IIIIIII men uhhhh spiritual clarity

Yeah Casey, dumbfounded is right, these guys got intense in those 3 days, shit

Going back to New Yo- baby this whole episode was about Nature and Spiritualism, going back to New York is the last place for either of those things to exist

Also Casey better say something about Donnie's mask in the next few episodes, I need it acknowledged, I need confirmation that Donnie made it because either consciously or subconsciously he associates Immovability and Mountain-Like Strength with Casey "Knocks out a giant mutant rat with his bare fists and fights mutant with nothing but hockey gear" Jones

[writinandcrying]

Hello, are you still accept a matchup? If so, I prefer for male character please. I'm a girl, my pronouns is she/her and I'm straight.

My height is 5'5", i have a short purple hair (dyed), and I wear glasses too (my sight is really bad) 

My hobbies currently is editing video or photo, i like taking picture of nature or just random building, 'cause I wanna be a photographer. I don't like people who always interrupt (well, who doesn't? I'm a listener btw) and I really hate those who bother the people I care about *protectiveness intensifies*

I'm actually a calm person, but not in front of my best friend. Only they know how crazy I am. I'm also the type who always hug my friends when I meet them (I'm taller than them, so it's easy for me to hug and put my chin on their head). If I see my friends or family sitting on the sofa, I jumped straight at them and put my head on their laps, then hugging their waist (again.. Hug.. I also snuggle to their stomach), please play with my hair or at least tracing some random pattern on my back. Am I sound like a clingy person? 😅😅 I may sound like a character in fanfiction or something, but really I've always been like that. And of course, I would do all of that if they were comfortable with my treatment. Obviously, my love language is physical affection.

But if someone do that to me, I'll freeze right away because people rarely do that to me and I don't know what to do. But I'll be calm in a minute and play with their hair or just rub it (it become my habit).

I feel pretty confident. I like who I am, but there are times when I'm insecure about the pimples that always appear on my forehead. Sometimes i also think, am I enough for them? For my family, my friends. But overall, I'm grateful that I'm surrounded by good people.

Aand that's it. I hope you don't get confused, because English is not my first language. Thank you in advanced, have i nice day and take care of your health (ɔˆз(ˆ⌣ˆc)

hi there! since you didn't specify im assuming this is about the tmnt / rottmnt boys! and bro are you kidding me your english is amazing

i really wanna ship you with Casey jones specially over the rottmnt movie, but unfortunately i still havent watched the movie, (im trying to dodge every spoiler? yes, am i succeeding? wonderful question i shall not reply lmao) idk why but i just got the vibes, so lets just put a pin on it, yeah?

eitherway- i ship you with...

Raphael

the last 3? matchups this guy was the main choice as well....... in my defense- he is just too shippable

Ok so, first of all, you have some similarities with Don and Leo, Don being not used to receiving affection, i heacanon he also enjoys photography in his spare time when he needs to unwind and have some alone time, and Leo being self conscious of their own value, i think you can be great buddies with both, finding comfort into talking about common problems or shared hobbies, plus you being so affectionate (at least in a giving scenario) is extremely welcomed by 3/4 of the brothers (donnie still need times with getting used to hugs and all, but he sometimes enjoys tolerates when you place your head on top of his to check his new inventions - a secret he shall never tell)

i think the turning moment to Raph start having a crush on you was during a movie night, you just lay down on his legs, unapologetic used his tights as a pillow as all of you gathered watched the movie, they are all used to humans not being fond of them and their image, but Raph usually got the most bitter encounters of them all due to his size and spikes, he quietly noticed how affectioned you could be with the others, but him receiving it was another story, that alone made some butterflies spread their wings in his tummy

he found it really cute, extremely cute, he wants to be the one to make you blush kinda cute whenever you malfunctioned after getting a hug or kiss, you searched for comfort, but whenever someone initiated, you would get shy: that for him is extremely adorable!

he enjoys how calm you can be, he reallyyy loved when you showed your true colors, loves the exciting new you as much as he adores the calm, quiet one. oh! Raph really likes your confidence, and shall shoosh any insecurities away you might have. On the days you are feeling a bit down or doubting yourself, he wont hesitate to shower you with compliments and affection

if someone ever interrupts him (or any of their brothers / friends really) and you get over-protective, you will have his heart fr. Raph is used to being the big brother, the protector, he knows his family has his back, but seeing his crush getting over protective over them? over him?? heart snatched, 100/10 experience, please do it again

he might try to persuade you into trying red hair dye, just to test the waters (the purple and glasses remind him of young donnie and its confusing sometimes, he adores purple on you but hm. please try red lol)

eitherway, to sum it up, he adores your calm / affectionate personality, at first- he wants to give back as much as you do, he knows you can react a bit like his younger brother, so he goes slow, gives you time until you are more comfortable with receiving it. he has so much patience with you <3 oh! he has learned from your interactions that he is indeed a cuddler, and he cannot get enough of you.

hope you liked it! match ups are open!

[pinkpuffballdude]

tagged by @shorter-than-her-tbr-pile to list ten songs I’ve been listening to on loop!

so recently I’ve had P.H.U.K.U by Orbital stuck in my head, which means I’ve been listening to a lot of Odesza and Ulrich Schnauss as well, for example:

It’s Only by ODESZA

Stars by Ulrich Schnauss

IPlayYouListen by ODESZA

A Moment Apart by ODESZA (which you may recognize from Eugene Lee Yang’s coming out video)

Late Night by ODESZA

Meridian by ODESZA

little bit of Cream on Chrome by Ratatat

also P.H.U.K. by Orbital and

P.H.U.K.E.D.U.P. by Orbital

when I get a song stuck in my head, it gets stuck, it was a struggle to even get ten songs on here. which I didn’t. ah well. just add Koto also by ODESZA and make it ten

if you want to, feel free to do it (and tag me! I like hearing about what kind of music people like), but I’ll officially tag @clericjester uhhhhh @ladywhitetower (I forgot your other blog I’m so sorry) @the-l-spacer (or @/podcastlimbo if you prefer) why do so many of my friends have multiple blogs why @asimpleram @jakkubrat and also literally anyone else who wants to do it I’m running out of brain

[hangovercurse]

Favorites

You work at the preschool next to Casie’s middle school. One day, you catch Colson’s eyes while working, and lucky for him you happen to know his daughter.

Request: “Hi!! Let me start out by saying that you are so so so talented!! I was wondering if you’d write something about colson falling for a preschool teacher? like he just sees her one day while he’s picking up casey from the middle school and he’s all soft seeing her interact with the kids and he makes up excuses to keep coming to see you!?”

Colson X Reader

Warnings: Cursing (maybe?)

A/N: I did that thing where I write too much… again.

Word Count: 2394

Colson tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, drumming softly to the beat of the music coming from his radio. He pulled into the school parking lot, the line already a million cars long it seemed. But he promised Casie he would pick her up whenever he wasn’t working so she didn’t have to take the bus. If that meant spending thirty minutes in a line of slow-moving cars, so be it.

As he was jamming, he glanced out the passenger window, finding a smaller building with a chain link fence outside, surrounding a child’s playground. The door happened to swing open while he was looking, and from there time seemed to move in slow motion.

Out of the door came a dozen or so toddlers, waddling their way outside, surrounding the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. The sun bounced off of your skin perfectly, making everything around you seem so much brighter.

Your skirt flowed with the slight breeze, making the scene more picturesque. He watched as you reached down, picking up one of the toddlers and holding him in your arms. The small boy seemed to be crying, over what Colson couldn’t tell.

You seemed to be speaking to the boy, bouncing him up and down in your arms to comfort him. Meanwhile, a little girl with pigtails made her way over to you. You spoke to her brightly, reaching the arm that wasn’t holding the boy to hold her hand.

Colson’s eyes followed you as you let her drag you over to the playground. You supported her as she climbed the small rock-climbing wall and reach the landing for the slide. You then smiled as she made her way down the slide, telling her good job when she made it to the bottom.

You then turned your attention back to the boy in your arms, making silly faces at him until he laughed.

All it took was those few moments for Colson to get hooked. If there was one thing he found attractive above all else, it was women who loved children. He refused to date anyone who wasn’t supportive of his relationship with Casie, so you were already ahead of everyone on his list. It also helped that you were breathtakingly beautiful.

Colson just got good vibes from you. From his brief observation of you, he could tell you were compassionate and kind, but also childlike and fun, much like himself.

The blonde man was pulled from his thoughts as the car in front of him started moving, signaling the line was moving.

 The next day, Colson had a plan. Instead of driving into the school parking lot, he pulled into the pre-school. He checked himself out in the mirror, praying he would see you working. He stepped out of the car, putting on his best confused dad face, and walked into the building.

And by some miracle, you happened to be speaking with the woman at the front desk.

You were even prettier up close, eyes meeting his and stopping him dead in his tracks. You smiled kindly, voice ringing out, “can I help you, sir.”

He returned your smile, “I was looking for the middle school but I have a feeling I ended up in the wrong place.”

You giggled slightly, “just a little. The middle school is just next door.” You pointed to your right. “Are you picking up a sibling?” You asked.

Truthfully, the man had caught your eye the moment he stepped into the door. It was rare you saw someone your own age, and he was exponentially more attractive than most men. What would it hurt if you got to know him a little bit?

“My daughter, actually.” He spoke, fiddling with the key in his hand. You tilted your head, his face seeming vaguely familiar.

You hesitated before speaking, “who’s your daughter? I substitute over there sometimes and you look vaguely familiar.”

He bit his lip, hoping he hadn’t blown his cover. “Casie Baker.” But surely, he’d have remembered you if he’d met you.

Your eyes widened at the name, “Casie? She’s my absolute favorite!” You grinned at the man, realizing immediately that their similar features made him feel familiar. “She’s awesome.”

Colson smiled, letting out a nervous chuckle, “thank you. Yeah, she’s great.”

“She tells me about you. Whenever I sub in her classes, she talks about how cool you are.”

Colson blushed lightly, rubbing his neck. “I’m Colson.” He reached out an arm to shake your hand, mentally kicking himself as soon as he did it.

You found it endearing, shaking his hand “Y/N.”

 A few days passed and Colson still couldn’t get over how soft your hands were, or how your touch sent electricity running through his body.

He felt ridiculous, leaving rehearsals and recording sessions to pick Casie up with the hope that he gets a glimpse of you.

After a few days of nothing, he almost loses that hope. Until he happens to arrive at the school a little bit early, windows rolled down to let the cool air in. He hears the sudden sound of children laughing, pulling his attention to the playground next door.

And there you are, in all your beautiful glory. Guiding the kids out, helping them into swings and onto the stairs.

Colson must’ve pleased some God because you looked over your shoulder and found him. Of all the cars in the line, you found his, eyes locking immediately. You smiled softly, reaching a hand over to him and waving. He waved back, trying to keep his cool. But really, he was freaking out.

He thought about saying something, or mouthing something, rather, as you were too far away to hear him, but he was stopped by the beautiful brown hair of his favorite girl in the world. Casie plopped herself down on the seat next to him, her backpack falling to the floor with a frown on her face.

She looked up to her dad, about to complain about her day when she saw his preoccupation. She followed his eyes, finding you in the playground. Immediately her mood was lifted, and she turned back to her dad with a grin on her face.

“Daaad?” She questioned, her voice lifting at the end of her question. The blond man looked down to her a soft smile in his face.

“Hey Case, how was school?”

“You think she’s pretty, right?” Casie ignored his question.

Colson scoffed, rolling his eyes, and shifting his car into gear. “She’s… pretty. I guess.” He mumbled, pressing lightly on the gas.

Casie continued smiling up at him, “that’s Ms. Y/N. She’s the coolest.”

“Put your seatbelt on.” He said, pulling out of the parking lot. “And I know, I met her the other day.”

Casie’s eyes lit up at the thought of her two favorite adults meeting. “Really? How? Did you like her?”

Colson chuckled at his daughter, “I went into the pre-school parking lot by accident and she showed me how to get here.” He blushed, knowing Casie would easily spot his lie.

And that she did, “I’ve been going here for almost two years, how did you accidentally go into the wrong parking lot? You pick me up all the time.”

Colson coughed nervously, “so, how was school?” He tried to change the subject.

Casie gasped, “did you go to the preschool just to see her? You like her!”

“I just met her Casie.”

“You like Ms. Y/N!” she sang, dancing in her seat.

“How was school, loser?” He asked, laughing at her.

She ignored him, again. “Does she know you’re my dad? Did she say anything about me?”

He rolled his eyes, chuckling to himself at her excitement. “Yes, she does, and yes, she did.”

“What did she say?” Casie practically yelled.

“She said you were the worst student she’s ever substituted for.” He smirked, flinching lightly as Casie slapped his arm.

“She did not say that!” The girl pouted, “Ms. Y/N is my favorite teacher in the whole world.”

He couldn’t help but smile at her affection for you. “She’s not even technically your teacher. But she did say that you were her favorite student.”

Her eyes twinkled, “really?”

Colson nodded, “she also told me that you talk about me in class.” He looked at the girl, raising an eyebrow, “any reason why?”

Casie sunk into her seat, a guilty expression on her face. “No.” Colson looked back to the road, but his eyebrow was still raised, “Okay, fine. I just think it’d be really cool if my favorite dad and my favorite teacher were… friends.”

Colson laughed, “I am your only dad, first of all, and second… don’t be weird.”

“But you said you liked her!” Casie pointed out, making the man’s ears turn red.

“I said she was pretty, that’s not the same thing.”

Casie sang again, “whatever you say.”

He rolled his eyes again, letting out a sigh and dropping the conversation, knowing he would lose. “Are you gonna tell me how school was or not?”

Casie sighed, hitting her back against the seat, “Mr. Clemmons was being mean today again. He said he’s not gonna curve our test even though only 2 people got an A on it.” She crossed her arms and huffed.

Colson pouted, bringing a hand to rub her shoulder, “what’d you get on it?”

She mumbled out, “a B.”

His eyes went wide, “dude, what? That’s awesome, that’s above average. You should be proud of that!” He always tried to encourage Casie, knowing the insane amount of pressure people put on their kids nowadays and not wanting her to feel that.

Casie shrugged, “yeah but my guidance counselor says if I want to get into a magnet program in high school, I have to get all A’s. And I have to get in a magnet program high school to get into a good college.”

His eyes went wide as he pulled into his driveway, “woah, woah, woah. You’re 11 years old! You don’t need to worry about that stuff and whoever is telling you that is wrong. Getting a B or even a C isn’t gonna stop you from getting into whatever program you want, I promise.”

Casie sighed, opening the door, and sliding out. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. Can we go back to talking about how you like Ms. Y/N?” She asked, her shoulders slumped.

Colson rolled his eyes, climbing out of the car and following her inside. “I don’t like Ms. Y/N.” He groaned.

“Whatever, but next time she substitutes my class, I’m texting you and you’re gonna bring me lunch and talk to her.” Casie said, going to her room and throwing her backpack onto her bed.

 A week and a half later, Colson was sitting in his car in the school parking lot, staring at himself through his rearview mirror. He looked at the bag of chick-fil-a in the passenger side seat and sighed. His phone buzzed, a text from Casie coming through.

Lunch is starting, where are you???

He chuckled and texted back.

Going to the office now, calm down

He grabbed the bags and drinks, opening his door and stepping out. He made his way through the office, getting his visitor’s badge, and moving towards the cafeteria. He opened the door, searching through the sea of children for his daughter, only to find your eyes instead.

You smiled brightly, head tilting as if to ask why he’s here. He returned the smile, holding up the bags to answer your question. Casie appeared next to you, waving her hand. Colson made his way through the pre-teens, trying not to crush any of them.

Casie and you giggled at his struggle, joking with each other. Eventually he reached you two, setting the food on the table that Casie had reserved just for you three. The girl took her place across from him, motioning you to sit down next to him. You laughed but followed her directions.

Colson took the food out of the bag, passing Casie her sandwich and fries and pulling his food out of the bag. He turned to you, a smile on his face. “Woah, they must’ve given me an extra sandwich.” He held it out for you to take.

You obliged, giggling lightly. “How strange.” You commented, your smile never leaving.

“Oh, right. Ms. Y/N, this is my dad, Colson. Dad, this is Ms. Y/N, the best substitute ever.” Casie said, pointing between the two.

Colson chuckled, “yes, Casie. We’ve met.” He looked over to you, hiding his laugh behind his sandwich.

“Yep. Someone got lost and found me at the preschool.” You said, your voice exaggerating. Shit, Colson thought, you were onto him. “Speaking of, Casie. I know you’ve been talking about needing volunteer hours. If you want you can come by after school some days and help me with the aftercare program? I can take you home afterwards if your dad can’t pick you up.”

Casie smiled brightly, nodding her head. “Yes! Yes, yes, yes!”

Colson watched the interaction, fondness in his eyes. If he wasn’t sure before, he was now. He was falling hard.

You turned to him, kindness in your eyes, “if it’s okay with your dad.” You said and he nodded.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind having her around. I’m cool with it.” He tried to hide the blush on his cheeks as you continued to look at him, taking in his features.

Casie squealed, “thank you!”

You simply smiled and shrugged, “it’s not a big deal. I get some extra help and I get to spend some more time with my favorite 11-year-old. Maybe her dad can even stop by and help sometime.”

You turned to the man next to you, who was sure he’d turned very red. He was never this nervous around women, but something about you made him incredibly self-conscious, like he had to impress you.

He mumbled out a quick “huh?” before registering your question. “Uh, yeah, sure. If you want me to come help. I’d be cool with that.” He turned to meet your eyes.

You giggled, holding the eye contact, “I do want you to. I’d like it a lot if you did.”

Casie looked between you two, suddenly regretting what she’d done, “are you two done? I’m trying to eat my sandwich.”

[lovelybarnes]

saudade- l. laufeyson

pairings: loki laufeyson x reader, mentions of other loki characters warnings: loki tv show spoilers, probably tva inaccuracies, mobius being trusted even though i don’t actually trust him lol, mentions of death, tears, a little sad angst but happy ending, ooc characters?? possible mistakes because i can't read this again skjfj about: requested, DF26 with TVA Loki running into the variant of his dead spouse a/n: thank you so much for requesting! i loved writing the last scene so much

loki has narrowly avoided the tva for years, opportunities much better than this and chaos a lot more chaotic than this have already been caused and passed. so the how and why he has been taken in at this very moment- while he’s eating at one of those fast food places you used to like- is very, very unknown to him. he should know, however; you’ve explained to him the tired concept of time traveling many times before, although the most important things were told to him when he thought you a mere mortal like the rest- something you were not- and could not possibly know something he didn’t- also something very untrue.

but the reasoning for his capturing is not at the front of his mind- although close- his main objective staying on how to get out of this unknown place and go back to looking for you- whether the fragile fabrics of reality and string of the timeline fray and break or don’t. he knows it possible, having seen the avengers do something similar, so why can a god like him not?

he’s ripped many holes, and he supposes the consequences for them are finally catching up to him, a lot sooner than he’d like. in another world, he’d already have you, and, with you by his side, you both would’ve been out long before, or never captured at all. although, he supposes, in a perfect world, you never would have been taken away from him in the first place.

he knows stopping for food he didn’t even necessarily need- or, really, like- was not a smart decision. he’s realizing exactly how not-smart of a decision it was with every passing second that the fools in armor drag him along the halls. the stop wasn’t needed, much less planned, but the memories the greasy food and dirty restaurant brought were too pleasant- a break full of you in the nonstop mission to find you. he could nearly feel your fingers touching his, hear your voice urging him to at least try and your bubbled laugh when he cringes. the fizz of the soda had made him grimace like the first time, except there was no you to giggle at it.

loki nearly thinks it was worth it. nearly.

when the guard shoves him into another room, loki takes a second to examine the exits, barely noticing the man at the desk. the person next to him pushes him further, dropping the tesseract and various stolen pym particles on the desk. loki takes note of where the man puts them so he can steal them back.

the guard stops with him in front of a small elevator, pulling a lever and waiting. loki looks at them, “where am i? get me back right now, i have things i must attend to.” the guard only looks at him, and loki scoffs, “i am loki of asgard, god of mischief and trickery, believe me when i say there will be deadly consequences if you do not do what i ask.”

the guard huffs a small laugh, “i’ve heard that before. we’ll see.”

the doors in front of him part, opening to a room he’s rammed into. he looks back the guard, one foot already out when he’s suddenly back where he was, watching as the entrance closes. he senses the machine before he can have a good look at it, a claw that he’s seen too many variations of beginning to poke at the fabric on his shoulders. he swats it away, standing tall as he glares at the smiling machine. “absolutely not! this is high tech armor, only few of this exists.”

the tech on the machine turns the grin into a frown, pulling back the talons and instead extending another apparatus that scans at his clothing, removing them with a yellow glow until he’s completely bare. he looks down at himself before looking back up at the face, pointing a finger, “now what-”

his words are cut off when he falls through the opening ground, falling onto the bottom room, now dressed in an uncomfortable tan jumpsuit, orange letters reading TVA on the left breast. a bored man in front of him pushes a pile of papers to him, “please sign to verify this is everything you’ve ever said.”

loki ignores his words, pushing it back, “i need to find someone, stop the absurdity.” the man only blinks as a machine whirrs, printing a piece of paper he reaches over to take and place on top of the pile. he hands loki a pen, “sign that too.” loki frowns, “did you not hear me? i have important things to do.” the machine does it again, and the man repeats his motions and shakes the pen in his hand. “that, too.” the god only sighs in frustration and signs, slamming the pen down before he’s dropped again.

another man greets him in a monotone, not even looking at him while he reads off the clipboard in his hands, “please confirm to your knowledge that you are not a fully robotic being, were born an organic creature, and do in fact possess what many cultures would call a soul.” loki’s eyebrows furrow, “i’m not a robot- how many people don’t know?”

“thank you for confirming, move through,” he requests. loki glances at the machine in front of him before stepping through it, a small picture printing after he’s on the other side. loki catches vibrant orange and red with hints of green that overcome any other color. “through the door, please.”

-

he encounters the same guard from before with a frustrated glare, leading him to what looks like a courtroom, a woman sitting in the middle, reading off a file. “variant L4293, aka loki laufeyson-l/n, is charged with sequence violation 7-20-89. how do you plead?” loki tilts his head at her, “madam, a god- i don’t plead.”

the woman sighs tiredly, “are you guilty or not guilty?” loki’s eyes thin as he observes her. “guilty of… trying to find my wife, yes. guilty of being extremely frustrated, yes. guilty of whatever it is you’re accusing me of, no. not guilty.” loki’s hand curls, trying to use his abilities inconspicuously but dismayed to not be able to. he tries again, only to come up empty as he realizes what is happening. “magic powers are no good in the tva, mister laufeyson,” the judge says absentmindedly. “i prefer l/n,” loki diverts simply, unknowingly catching the attention of one of the attendees. the judge barely acknowledges him, about to say something else before a man jumps up, hand raised, “wait, wait- uh, i have something to add to this. before the court makes a decision.”

the judge tilts her head at the man, pursing her lips before sighing and letting him approach the bench. loki leans in to try to understand the whispers that are exchanged, ending in the judge sending one last look his way before letting him go. “the court finds you innocent- and under agent mobius’ responsibility,” she clarifies, looking at the man and watching him nod quickly. she slams her gavel and motions for the man- mobius, he assumes, to take loki. he stands and awkwardly bows, before going over to loki and raising an eyebrow, “don’t betray me,” he says, words too true to be something playful. loki’s head tilts to the side in slight confusion, watching as the man begins to walk, pausing to urge loki to follow him.

loki ignores the activity through the windows of the hall, choosing to concentrate on mobius. “why did you do that?” he wonders aloud, suspicious eyes following him as his head peeks into halls. “let’s just say it’s a favor, although you’ll be on thin ice forever.”

“favor for whom?” mobius doesn’t answer, turning a corner. loki exhales sharply before following him, continuing to pry as he briefly heeds his surroundings. the sight of a woman in a suit much like mobius’ catches his eye, her back to him but he recognizes the shape of her shoulder and the color of her hair. he looks away, pretending to concentrate on the clock thing on the television but actually chasing the overfamiliar features to a face.

the sound of your voice- something he hasn’t heard in an obscenely long time- craved for so much longer it seems like a lifetime, snaps his attention to what surely must be a cruel joke. he can tell it’s you now. you’re standing there, head tilted at the same receptionist man and chuckling exasperatedly, “come on, casey, we’ve been over this. a fish and a lion are not the same thing-”

“but a lionfish-?” casey asks, and loki is pushing away the guards already, because you’re there, you’re solid and laughing like you used to and you can’t not be real. he can distantly hear mobius’ voice telling the guards to let him go as if loki hasn’t already taken care of that, walking over to you with quick and quiet footsteps. his fingers circle around your wrist first as an assurance, and when you turn, hand still in his, eyes widening when you notice who he is, he pulls you into him completely. your arms wrap around him barely seconds later, finally registering the person in front of you as you squeeze him. “loki?” you whisper, inhaling the same familiar scent of him that you haven’t had in what seems like forever.

“i missed you so much,” he says, hands wandering over your back, touching your arms and your shoulders and your hips just to touch you. “me too- i didn’t- i thought i would never see you again.” your tears are falling on the fabric of his jumpsuit, small tearful gasps escaping your lips while you tug him as close as you can, tangling your fingers in his hair and shutting your eyes at the familiar feeling. “oh god, you’re here-”

“i missed you so much,” he repeats, and you finally notice his words, realization like electricity, making you tremble and sigh softly. “what does that mean?” you question, already fearing the answer and already knowing the effects: the mess of his usually kept hair and the red tint of his eyes, like a sheen of sadness that stains the color of the eyes you have missed for so long. loki pulls away from you only to look at your face, trace the shape of the lips he’d spent hours of the morning pressing kisses to, memorize the curve of the nose you’d scrunch in a laugh when thor was a victim to one of his tricks.

“i have been looking for you, darling,” he murmurs, fingers running over your fallen tears while you notice the shine of his eyes, the tears that enhance the love he has for you. “because i’m…” you don’t want to finish your sentence, and you can tell loki doesn’t want you to either; he scans your features, small smile peeking through the shock and grief.

“i didn’t… mobius didn’t show me that, i thought-” your eyes flicker to the man before settling back on loki, the weight of the ring he’d given you feeling lighter now that it had found its pair. the various eyes on you don’t go unnoticed, and neither does the look mobius sends to the rest of the workers, indicating for them to go back to work. the cold of loki’s skin is comforting to the touch of your warmth, and you find yourself back in the summer afternoons where you would settle with your husband to read books, rubbing cool fingers on the hot of your skin when you felt suffocated by the heat of the sun.

another tear slips from your eyes when you realize you don’t have to imagine anymore, there’s no need to search for your memories and shut your eyes for them to run over you. your lips are on his when you can’t help it anymore, eyes squeezed close and salty tears dropping from your chin when it finally settles that he’s here and he’s yours and he’ll never be gone again.

he’ll make sure of that.

[miracleonice87]

Homecoming

a Mathew Barzal one shot

a/n: I feel like I was gonna have to write a stereotypical bubble burst reunion sometime! Might as well be with pretty boy MB.

summary: Boyfriend Barzy is welcomed home post-bubble by his girlfriend.

warnings: smut!

_____

I stood in the parking lot outside the coliseum, watching as the bus carrying the boys back from the airport pulled in slowly. I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and pulled the sleeves of Mat’s worn-out Isles crewneck, a favorite of mine, down to cover my hands. After a hot, dry New York summer, there was finally a distinct chill in the September evening air, which, coupled with the anticipation of seeing my boyfriend for the first time in nearly two months, sent a shiver down my spine. I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears as the bus finally rolled to a stop, the mechanical whirr of the doors opening only slightly drowning out the sound of my pulse. I began taking inventory of those exiting the bus one by one, shifting my weight from side to side as I stood at the back of my Lexus, impatiently waiting.

Trotz, and Jim, and Anders, and Casey, and Tito, and Brass, and Ebs, and Brock, and Leddy, and...

Mathew.

I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding in. Every muscle in my body, which I was unaware I had been tensing, relaxed all at once. I consciously fought the urge to sprint and jump into Mat’s arms in front of all of his teammates and coaches — that is, until he finally looked up at me and abruptly dropped his bags on the concrete beneath him.

“What are you doing standing there?” Mathew inquired, opening his arms wide. “Get over here,” he instructed with a chuckle.

I felt my face contort as tears welled in my eyes, my body desperately carrying me the twenty or so feet into Mat’s grasp, my dignity and reserve flying out the window. As I saw his waiting face, I knew that neither of us cared what we looked like to anyone around us. My chest finally collapsed against his, arms locking around his neck. He immediately hoisted my thighs around his waist before wrapping his arms tightly around my torso. Neither of us said anything for what had to be a full minute, just holding fast to one another, grasping at one another, as I heard the noises of other similar reunions happening all around us.

I finally pulled back a bit from Mathew and, after a shared smile, cupped his jaw in one hand, closely examining his recent battle wounds, the remaining evidence somehow looking even worse in person than it had on television. As I stared at his busted eye and slightly less-marred nose, I knew that he could sense my unease, my grin fading.

“I know, I know,” Mat prattled. “I swear it’s not as bad as it looks.” I pursed my lips, not believing him. For now, I decided to let it go, to not allow it to ruin the moment.

“Okay. Hi,” I whispered, my smile returning and his strong jaw still resting in my fingers.

“Hi,” Mat replied, smirking. “Missed you,” he added simply, but in a voice flooded with relief, more so than I had ever heard from him.

“Missed you,” I whispered in response, leaning in to kiss him firmly as one hot tear fell from each of my eyes. I had sworn to myself I wouldn’t cry in this moment, and I was angry that I hadn’t kept my self-made promise, but that was quickly overshadowed by the joy and peace I felt being in Mathew’s arms again.

“Let’s get you home, yeah?” I asked, stroking my thumb across his chin before placing another hard kiss to his lips. “God, yes,” Mathew breathed, putting my feet back on solid ground. “I’m so ready.”

“Me, too,” I told him as he gathered his bags once more and we walked together to my car. I popped the trunk from the key fob in my hand before extending the device to Mathew.

“Wanna drive?” I asked, grinning. “God, yes,” he said again, lifting his suitcases into the trunk easily before accepting the keys from me with a kiss to my cheek. “Anything to feel normal again,” he mumbled. I nodded knowingly, and he squeezed my forearm when we crossed paths on our way to our respective doors.

I watched Mathew climb into the driver’s side as I reached for my seatbelt, still in shock that this long-lost familiar figure would be driving me back to our home. As soon as he adjusted the seat to accommodate his long legs rather than my short ones, Mathew reached his arm across the console to push some hair back from my face.

“Hey, baby?” he asked, inching his face closer and closer to mine. “Hmmm?” I breathed, gazing into his hazel eyes, completely entranced. Our mouths were only centimeters apart when he whispered, “I really fucking missed you,” before crashing his lips into mine with a force and passion I had never encountered from him. A moan involuntarily left my lips, causing Mat to smirk against my mouth, eyes still closed as he pulled his face back from mine.

“God, it’s so good to be home,” he told me as he gave me a lazy smile from beneath hooded eyelids. “Mmmm,” I moaned in agreement, my hand curling in as he nuzzled his stubbly face into my knuckles. “So good to have you back,” I spoke. Mat leaned in for another kiss, this one quick and sweet, before pressing the button and turning over the car’s engine.

“Now let’s get outta here,” he announced, waving at Anders and Grace in the car nearest mine and honking once, before pulling my hand to his lips and pressing warm kisses from my fingers to my palm.

“Time to go home with my girl!” he exclaimed, smiling brightly. I smirked at him as he glanced in my direction, pulling away from the parking lot and heading toward the highway.

“Now let’s talk about that fucking eye of yours...”

Mat groaned dramatically.

_____

“We’re home!” I said in a singsong tone as I turned the key in our apartment’s lock and ceremoniously pushed in the door, holding it open so Mat could take in the scene. He stepped through the doorway, bags in tow, and I watched a smile spread across his cheeks as he entered.

Before him, on the coffee table in the center of the living room, were gathered an array of Mathew’s favorite things — a refill of his Gucci cologne, a couple cases of his preferred fall craft beer from a brewery upstate, a giant box of our favorite brand of microwave popcorn, and an enormous bag of Sour Patch Kids, his candy of choice. Against the glass doors leading out to the balcony, directly across from us, was a message spelled out in gold helium balloons: “Welcome Home Mathew!”

“Babe!” Mathew exclaimed, excitement seeping from his voice as he walked closer, dropping his bags on the way. “What did you do?!” He began laughing, smacking his thighs as he bent over, in awe of the gesture. I approached him and rubbed his back with one hand as he stood upright again.

“I just wanted to give you a warm welcome,” I mused. Mat pulled me into his body and tilted my chin up to look at him. “Because you deserve it,” I told him.

“No, I don’t deserve this!” he tried to protest, hands finding my lower back and pressing me against him. My brows knitted together as I argued his point. “Of course you do. It’s pretty clear you worked your ass off this postseason,” I said, my fingertips ghosting over his healing wounds before curling some of his black hair behind his ear.

“No, I don’t deserve you,” Mat muttered. “You’re too good to me,” he whispered, mouthing at my jawline before trailing his lips behind my ear. I tipped my head skyward as he trailed hot kisses down my neck, pulling down the collar of his crewneck I wore so that he could place open-mouth kisses across my clavicle. Before I knew what was happening, Mat had backed me into the nearest sofa, turning and taking a seat himself first before pulling me down to straddle him as I let out a squeal.

“Missed this,” Mat told me through firm and passionate kisses. “Missed your body. Missed your lips.” I sighed blissfully at his admission. I rested my hands against his toned stomach as I agreed, “I missed this too. You. All of it.” Mat grunted, and I felt him already growing hard beneath me. I smirked into our deep kiss, pushing his golf shirt up and off of his body.

“You’ve been through a lot, baby,” I breathed into Mat’s ear, hands traveling up his chest and across his wide shoulders. “Let me spoil you.”

“I feel like I should be spoiling you, love,” Mat protested, letting a whispered curse word fall from his lips as I kissed the skin just in front of his ear. “I’m the one who left you alone.”

I pulled away and shook my head at him. “Don’t say it like that. And how about I spoil you first and then you can spoil me later tonight?” I suggested, pressing my lips against the thick column of his neck, feeling him gasp and then sigh with pleasure.

“Mhmmm,” he agreed, licking his lips, eyes fluttering closed. “Yeah, that’s good.” I smirked at how much he was enjoying our first intimate encounter in far too many weeks.

In a moment, I was kneeling in front of Mat on our living room rug, tugging off his black dress pants as quickly as I could. I pulled down the waistband of his boxers, his thick length springing free as he let out a relieved sigh. I wasted no time in wrapping my hand around him, kissing the tip as I looked up at Mat through my eyelashes. He hissed in pleasure, muscular arms resting on the back of the couch, head falling back in pleasure.

“I missed this,” I told him as I took his tip into my mouth, bobbing my head and taking more and more of him each time my mouth moved toward his stomach, finally touching my nose to the skin there as he hit the back of my throat, causing Mathew to cry out.

“Ah, fuck! Oh, my god, baby girl. Fuck yes,” he praised. He allowed my mouth to pleasure him only for a short while longer before grabbing my wrist.

“I’m gonna cum right now if you don’t stop, and I need to be inside you when I do, baby girl,” he admitted, cradling my head in his hand. I released him from my lips with a pop, causing him to swear before he fumbled to pull down my leggings and thong, guiding my hips to his own.

“Later tonight, I’m gonna eat your pussy for hours,” Mat told me, making me whine at his plan for the evening. “But right now, I just need to be buried in you,” he told me, somehow pulling my crewneck from my body with one hand and throwing it aside. As I sunk down onto him, so eager to be filled at last by the man I loved, his breath caught in his throat.

“Fuck, baby girl,” Mathew groaned. “Oh, fuck me. I’m not gonna last long. You’re so tight, baby girl. Feel so good around me.” He lifted my hips and maneuvered them back down continuously as he spoke, allowing me time to reach behind me and unhook my own bra. The lacy garment fell to the side as Mat pushed himself even deeper into me, the sight of my breasts causing his movements to become even more frantic.

“Mathew, oh my god. Mathew!” A deep moan left my throat as Mat leaned forward, responding to his name, taking one of my nipples into his mouth to tease it, then the other. His hand found my clit and rubbed circles against the sensitive area, tipping me over the edge after only a handful of seconds.

“That’s it, baby. Good girl. You gonna cum for me, huh. I feel it,” he coaxed. “Good girl, baby. Let go for me.”

I squeezed my fingers into Mathew’s shoulders as I rode him desperately, my release rolling through me. I watched as his eyes darkened, gripping my waist as he thrust into me and I ground my heat against his.

“Oh, yes, baby, yes! I’m gonna cum. I’m cumming, baby. Oh, fuck,” Mathew cried out as I felt him spill into me, his legs and hips twitching beneath me as I collapsed against his chest, head falling to his shoulder as we each struggled to find our breath.

“Oh, my god, baby,” Mat finally said, and I heard the smile in his voice. He kissed my forehead, cradling my head in one hand and my ass in the other. “Even better reunion sex than I pictured,” he told me. I smiled up at him, unable yet to pick up my head from his sticky skin.

“Welcome home, Mathew,” I whispered breathlessly, kissing his collarbone and pulling his chain between my fingers. “Welcome home.”

[moxfirefly]

Nobody necessarily asked for these but it’s been a meh few days and I figured I’d write some shit to keep busy (a little stuck on request but a bih is managing)

So I give you, some random headcanons for the guys

Michelangelo

I like to think that this orange lad while the fun type of bf that has you in stitches nearly every minute, has his serious moments

Similar to Don he’s painfully aware that he isn’t normal and while he can be somewhat vain that boy has got some self conscious thoughts running through him all day. Especially with his s/o

That gives way to some depressive episodes 🥺 (hug him pls)

He’s the second best cook of the four (Raph being 1st place) but he’s the best baker though.

Loves being competitive in games with Raph but enjoys playing co-op more with Donnie

The only time you can catch him really concentrating is when he draws. Boy really gets lost in it. Goes without mentioning, yes he draws his s/o and has gifted them some pretty dope ass pieces

Heaviest sleeper, a bomb can go off. You’ve often almost violently shake him which leads to Grumpy Groggy Mikey™️ and he complains cause on the random days he manages to be up before you boy wakes you up super soft and sweetly

Besides Donnie he’s got seniority when it comes to picking the playlist they use for doing chores.

As I’ve stated and will die on that hill: Touch is his love language. He still likes to snuggle up to his bros or give them hugs. He’s basically attached to the hip with his s/o.

Fancies himself a bit of a style icon

He remembers perfectly the firsts: first kiss, first time, first fight, first makeup, first everything

Him and Raph are the dynamic duo but Mikey loves being coddled by Leo because big brother and littlest brother™️

But he feels most comfortable talking about unusual or somewhat embarrasing things with Donnie cause he always hits him with the “yes it’s perfectly normal because *long winded biology esplanation*”

Doesn’t like to cry in front of his brother but breaks apart with Splinter

He Loves™️ the sound of his name when it comes out of his s/o’s mouth. In every sense of the word, angry, happy, surprised, lustful etc

Donatello

Being a genius has its perks but man can it have its downsides.

He’s just ridiculously aware and that leads to many thoughts and those thoughts can turn very negative

He gets depressed pretty easily but he’s got that Keep on Keep Going attitude towards it. His s/o can catch on pretty quickly and there’s a struggle to reach him when his head is too clouded.

He is the Fix It type in all sense of the words. So he’s the bf that will listen to your problems and he’ll try and find a way around it to help you or at least give out a better point of view.

Which means he’s a great listener, like seriously he loves talking and he rambles but he loves when you do too

Loves to be caressed honestly. If his s/o runs a hand down his arms or thigh, if they caress his cheek or run a thumb across his lips.

He reads all manner of things tbh, from repair manuals to romance novels

Goes without saying, gamer boi. He loves doing mods, always wants to play on expert mode, smart sarcastic burns when he’s playing online and somebody is being an insensitive prick

He’s actually a really good sexter. He’s nervous physically cause self image issues but with reassurance etc he gets lowkey cocky

No necessarily the best cook but he’s not bad either. He does like to make you breakfast in bed.

Serotonin hiiiiigh when they bring him coffee

He loves late night drives, usually takes a Raph with him but once he gets his s/o it’s the two of you driving around New York. One some ocassions Raph tags along too

While they get along pretty good, him and Leo can butt heads a lot. It’s not a dick measuring contest like Leo and Raph. They just argue and Donnie gets a smart mouth and Leo well he can be a dick.

Regardless they make up pretty fast.

Leonardo

He’s got a smidge of OCD. He’s very particular of keeping things in a particular order that he knows and nobody really understands but it makes him happy.

Expert folder of clothing so everyone rejoices when it’s his turn to do laundry cause that mofo does some orgami like shit to everyone’s boxers

He reminds everyone to eat fruit and veggies, can’t be pizza every night

Yes he can be a hardass but he’s honestly an absolute softie with those he loves. He’s very attentive with everyone’s needs, especially Splinter

Rooftop star gazing, he likes to decompress and sometimes that means going somewhere by himself. When coupled up he loves doing this with his s/o and it’s a nice way to get some time to themselves

Listen Leo is boyfriend material, he’s husband material. It’s stupid how perfect he is when it comes to being someone’s partner. He remembers the little things like really dumb things that always guts his s/o.

He’s thought about if anything were to happen to him he’d want Raph to step up. Even if they argue and bicker and fight he knows Raph would set the world on fire if it meant protecting his loved ones.

Is learning Japanese and he so wants to see it someday. Has gotten pretty good at speaking it but reading it is still a little hard.

Has snuck into a flower shop after hours to get you a bouquet, it’s cool he leaves the money on the counter

When Casey and April had their first Big Fight™️ and she showed up and started bawling, everyone thought Raph was gonna end Casey but in reality it was Leo, that boy was seething if Donnie hadn’t played mediator it was gonna be ugly

Leo hates to see somebody he loves cry cause somebody was just being an ass

He loves game night and movie night

While he takes his leader duties seriously this boy will sleep away a day away. He’s tired af get him a blanket pls.

Raphael

Grumpy boi lives to exercise and lift weights but he does have other things he enjoys. He loves sneaking out an making his away around the city from rooftop to rooftop

As stated, best cook in the fam. This man takes pride in that. So as his s/o trust me you’re gonna be well fed

Although he will never admit he can’t fall a sleep without you like once y’all start dating and sleeping over he needs you there.

Mikey gets on his last nerve but Christ if anyone messes with him. Raph is ripping their necks. That’s his boy, he’ll always protect him, which is why whenever Leo starts going on Dad Mode he always sides with his little bro.

Sure he’s got his anger issues but honestly he’s probably one of the most sentimental of his brothers. So yeah cry angry but he’s just a ball of emotions and he doesn’t know how to manage them sometimes but he’s trying

He’s protective of Mikey but lord is he protective of April. Like honestly he gave Casey the big brother ‘if you break her heart I’m breaking ya neck’ speech and he fucking means it

Also, he’s really close with April. Those two are always talking and goofing about. He sees her as that little sister (or more so big sister) and he likes having a sister.

He’s super close with Donnie, they’ve often felt like outcast in their own ways. Raph likes helping out, he’s pretty handy.

[remmushound]

Bay/rise 37!! @errorfreak88 @selfindulgenz @digitl-art-monstr @brightlotusmoon @yarchurr @dakotafinely @sententiously-sarcastic @sprinklestheditty

Content warnings!! Mentions of death

The ringing in Leo’s ears was deafening. After his humiliating defeat, the best thing he could think to do was find someplace quiet to think. The single place in the lair that offered such solitude was Splinter’s room— the only single-person bedroom in the entirety of their home. It was small and Leo could barely fit through the doorway, and laying on the bed made him feel colossal, but he didn't care. He buried his face in the pillow and it smelled like his father and that was all that he cared about.

He didn't care about losing the spar. Sure, it was a bad sting to his self esteem, but at least his dad hadn’t been there to see it. But maybe if Splinter was there he could have talked some sense into Leo before he made a fool of himself in front of his brothers. He didn't know what he was doing and he admitted that to none but himself. He had been leader for almost four years— and even before then he had always taken well to bossing his brothers around. That’s why he had been made leader in the first place! Because Splinter saw something in him and chose to highlight that above all his flaws and faults. Leo still didn't know why!

As a kid, though he had always taken charge, his personality wasn’t just that. Not like what he was reduced to now. He remembered running the sewers with his brothers and mapping out the tunnels with their minds alone and how he was always the one who could find the way home even when Donnie’s techniques failed. He remembered Splinter taking them up to the storm drains so they could watch the parades go by in the streets. The colors, the people dancing, the music sounding off and filling Leo with such a bubbly, warm joy that he just wanted to dance along to any song that carried down the tunnels.

That was what ninjitsu was to him at first. Dancing. Memorizing the moves and following through as fluid and free as the dancers he saw on the streets and in movies. Trying to emulate what he saw— feeling the melody in the very blood that coursed through his veins. Then a fun hobby turned into an obligation. It wasn’t a game anymore— it wasn’t something to enjoy or a fun thing to practice in his free time. It was his duty, his responsibility. His honor. And he couldn’t let his father down!

He wasn’t human and he could never be human. He shouldn’t want to be human! He was a turtle— he was a mutant— he was Splinter’s son! He had to live up to all the stories he was told about how great he would be and he had to live up to his father’s expectations and he had to live up to what the people in the city needed him to be! He didn't need to dance, he didn't need to like his work—he shouldn’t like his work! Work is work and work isn’t meant to be enjoyed. He was a savior— a messiah in the form of a grotesque monstrosity and it was him and only him that could protect his brothers and the city and the earth and he just wished the ringing in his ears would stop—

Then he opened his eyes again. The ringing wasn‘t just in his ears. It was all around him. An alarm— Donnie’s alarm— sounding a warning of some enemy approaching. Leo looked up and dried his tears just as Donnie came rushing into the room.

“Leo! An alarm went off in the south tunnel! We should check it out! Are you gonna…?”

Leo stood up quickly, shoving his way past Donnie and reclaiming his swords on the way to the entry tunnel. He didn't dare look up at any of his brothers or their counterparts as he passed them by. He was a leader and he had to be strong and silent and he wasn’t allowed to cry. He wasn’t allowed to be weak. He had to be the best— he was the best! Even if Leonardo had beaten him.

They traversed the tunnels in silence. Leo’s brothers were all gathered around him, Mikey with his head hung low like a puppy and remarkably silent. Donnie gave Leo space instead of being right at his side as usual, and Raph put some distance between himself and his Leo for completely different reasons. He needed a chance to cool off before he strangled Leo for how the stubborn leader had been acting the past few dates. He could strangle him later, Raph told himself. Just wait until the sensei’s are safe.

Leonardo was in the lead of his family, Michelangelo clinging to his arm for security against the rushing water that tried to force him off his feet. Leonardo, slippery as he was, always had a better grip under the water than the land-dwelling box turtle could hope to achieve. Donatello was tapping away on his watch, though Michelangelo was half convinced that it was actually just a game. In the place of Raphael, who’s exhaustion couldn’t be moved even by the loud scream of the alarm, was April taking up the rear. She had yet to get her special baseball back, though whoever this Casey Jones was had promised to get it out of police holding for her. In its place she had a new, regular bat covered in nails. Not as effective as her mystic bat, but she was sure it could pack a punch nonetheless.

They came to the place where the alarm had gone off. All eight of them slowly came to a halt when they saw the intruder just standing there, calm as day, as if he had been waiting for them quite some time. Leo and his brothers all took an audible gasp as they stepped back, Leo putting his arms out to protect those behind him. Leonardo and his family, however, gasped for a whole different reason.

“HUESO!”

Despite Leo’s wide motion for them all to stay behind him, Leonardo lead his family to all ignore the leader and dash forward under Leo’s arms to greet the skeleton man. Hueso looked filthy, his normally flawless suit stained with the sewage he had to wade through and dripping even after he had found an almost-dry spot to stand on. 

“Oh Hueso! Es bueno verte! I can’t believe you’re here! I’d hug you if you weren’t so gross!” Leonardo laughed and held his arms out for a social-distanced hug.

“Yes, I’d do the same if not for similar reasons.” Hueso grumbled under his breath.

“How’d you get here Hues?” April asked, walking closer to the calaca than Leonardo dared.

“It is a very long story.”

***

“You go on ahead Cassandra. I got some loose ends to tie up.”

When Cassandra left through the rift and the portal closed behind her, only then did Draxum put Hueso back on the ground and release his vice-grip. Hueso gasped softly as he clutched at his throat, his eyes full of hate and locked on Draxum like he were the scum of the earth.

“What do you want from me?” Hueso asked finally, his eyes never once leaving the sheep yokai.

“We have a common means, calaca.” Draxum said, calm and steady. “I hear you are fond of the one called Leonardo.”

“Fond?” Hueso laughed, “I wouldn’t much call it fond as I would call it a... hostage situation.”

“But you know of him. You care for him?” Draxum made a fist and raised it to the air. “You are a very clever Yokai, I can tell. And I could trust no other with a message as important, and to accept what I am about to ask of you would ensure riches and safety for you and your family.”

A glint came to Hueso’s eyes. “What is your request?”

“My creations think me cruel. They know not of my plans, and I need a carrier to bring the news to them so we may unite our forces to take down a common enemy.”

“The Shadow Fiend…” Hueso whispered softly, looking to the place where the rift had once been. “He is not whole. He cannot be defeated in the state he is currently in.”

“Yes.” Drauxm growled softly.

“He must be made whole again, and the only way to do that is…”

“A sacrifice. A sacrifice of Hamato blood will bring the Shredder back whole. He’ll be defeatable.”

“But the cost...”

***

“...would be great.” Hueso finished. “You would be able to destroy The Shadow Fiend once and for all! He sent me here to be your guide.” Hueso looked to Leonardo.

“So he’s not bad!” Michelangelo said quite loudly, his voice echoing all around them as he ran fast to hug Hueso, almost tackling the older skeleton. “DRAXUM’S NOT BAD! I knew he wasn’t!”

“You… you’re just…” Leo pointed at Hueso.

“Just a bone man, yes.”

“Hm.” Leo smacked his lips together as he nodded ever so slightly. “Okay.”

“Can I touch your bones, dude?” Mikey asked, his mouth hanging open and eyes wide.

“That is extremely disrespectful.” Hueso spat, “You should show more respect to your elders.”

Everyone just stared at him.

“Well? Data prisa! We haven’t got all day!” Hueso started to usher the teens back down the sewer tunnel, his confidence and booming voice enough to compensate for the shorter and weaker form he had compared to the brothers. “Malditos chicos! Tan lento!”

The mutants scattered along at his urging just as they would if their Splinters had done the same. Hueso grabbed Leonardo before the blue ninja could get far. 

“Talk with me.” He said in Spanish before they started to walk again.

“Why the Spanish?” Leonardo spoke with the same tongue and in a hushed voice. He hoped none of the counterpart-brothers could understand what was being said.

“We must talk of your father in private.”

“Splinter? Why? Do you know something?”

“I told you the ceremony requires blood magic! It requires the host to be bled and possessed by the Dark Armor. The host would be your father with his hamato blood.”

Leonardo’s eyes went wide. He stopped walking for a moment, but Hueso grabbed him by the arm and forced him to keep going.

“B-but if we destroy the shredder then he’d be free right?”

“To destroy The Shredder, we will have to destroy the host.” Hueso looked up at Leonardo with mournful eyes. “If we go through with this, then you will have to kill your own father.”

[anotherbeingsworld]

Fly High

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Casey Valentine) 

Characters: Bryce Lahela, Casey Valentine and Teresa Martinez. 

Summary: The small moments with Mr.s Martinez were playing in their mind a year after the inevitable happens. 

TW: death. 

A/N: hi! I am sorta-back in the writing game? This idea has been living in my mind as OPH is coming. Its somewhat a tribute to Mrs. Martinez, and with a small touch of backstory between Bryce and Casey. I’m so sorry for not writing as much as I did before, uni is almost coming to an end for the 2nd semester which i am quite excited for. But, this story is dear to my heart. Idk why I love to write death, as i somewhat resonates it with life, but...this really is something I am very proud of. I like to dedicate this to those who wants to catch their dreams but, they couldn’t. Mrs. Martinez really gave us good advice, and...I’d like for it to stay in our minds. Also, I’m dedicating this to those who have leave a mark in my life. Its something that still blows me away everyday. Thank you, and enjoy! <3 

MY MASTERLIST

"I would take a 99% chance of dying over spending the next ten years in this hospital. To have even a 1% chance of exploring the world... of finally standing on the steps of Sacre-Coeur... I would give everything."—Mrs. Martinez.

---------

365 days ago. 

“Teresa Martinez were found dead at her hotel room in Buenos Aires.” was the topic in the hospital that day. The news of Mr.s Martinez leave the hospital devastated, as the world seems to stop for Casey. 

It doesn’t feel real. It’s not real, she is living her life happily in Paris...visiting the Sacre-Coeur. She can’t be...  

The thoughts were interrupted by the sound of ambulance coming in, a trauma case distracting her thoughts. She quickly joined in the other interns in the scene, but her mind falls onto Mr.s Martinez; the advice she left. A wisdom, as her passing is similar to a shooting star finally burns out. A light that has to be left behind. The days went by quicker, a trial, law-suit occurs in a blink of an eye. 

---------

PRESENT DAY 

It was a day of remembrance today, as Bryce and Casey make their way to the hospital in a slow pace. It was an emotional day for all of them, as all their memories were playing. All the laughter and joy, it was one of her favorite things about her. Her cheery persona was the heart of Edenbrook, and without her; a light has been burn, but a star has obtain someone special to keep on shining them from a far. 

Bryce was awfully quiet as well, as they walked down the road after spending their night together. Words were unspoken the night before, as the comfort was worth more than a sentence, a word and even a rhyme. 

Casey found herself to a stop, at the entrance. A distance away, trying to calmed herself down. He broke the silence by placing his hand on her cheek, caressing it with a small smile on his face.

‘You cam do this okay, we are all here for you.’ He said before pulling her into a kiss, as they melt into an embrace before going their separate ways. He stops in the mid of the hallway, his eyes fall onto her as they were met with a pair of emeralds that is already looking at him. 

They both resume their day, as the memories followed them throughout the hour. A reminder that she had left a mark to everyone in Edenbrook including one Casey Valentine and Bryce Lahela. 

----------

C A S E Y

The voices around her fades, as she sat on the empty bench, letting out a sigh as she was dismissed by Dr. Mirani upon her mistake today in the patient room. She remembers the embarrassment as the other interns let out a chuckle upon her mistake, moments before she was chewed. It was her second week as an intern, and she has made mistakes; what happened to her? 

Her thoughts were interrupted by someone occupying a seat the opposite of her. It was Mrs Martinez letting out a breath with her I.V stand on her side, looking at her with concern. She smiled upon her arrival as she remembers the events on their first meet which involves herself being lost in the hospital during her first day with Elijah. 

Weeks later, she became close to her as she learns upon her love towards travelling, visiting new places around the world; from the Bright Lights of Paris to the city of Madrid. And, the thought of the postcards hanging in her room bring joy to her, as a reminder of her own dream to be a doctor. 

“Casey dear, what’s with the long face?” She spoke, as Casey lets out a sigh.

“I just, I messed up again. It’s been a month, and I tend to get distracted with everything; friendships, the competition, dreading patients, and everything feels too overwhelming.” She burried her face in her hands, trying to hide her expression from the woman in front of her.

After a few moments of silence, she opened her eyes once more to be met with a concerned looking Mr.s Martinez. 

“Dear, you are not human if you never messed up. If I ever got a dollar for every time I took a wrong turn in life, I believe I can afford a mansion in the city of Stars.” 

Casey lets out a chuckle upon the mention of it, as the smile slowly appear on her face. 

“I think I’d be able to pay up my student loans that way.” 

There was a ripple of laughter between them, lighten up the mood releasing a knot on her shoulders that has been there for the day. 

“Indeed, but I saw you work that day; and I believe you are going places dear. You are unique, and the world is not ready to see the light in you dim. For the last decades of living, I made a huge mistake of not pursuing my dreams; and I don’t want to see you give up this dream Casey.” Her voice is demanding yet calm giving her a sense of hope. 

They were interrupted by Danny who is in the midst of a scavenger hunt for one Mr.s Martinez who apparently has left her room once again.

“There you are Mr.s Martinez, its time for your medicine once again.” Danny said as he smiles upon their interaction.

“I guess my time is up. I had fun chatting with you dear, I’ll see you soon.” Mr.s Martinez left with Danny leaving her alone with the wild thoughts once again. 

But, this moment; she received a sense of hope. Maybe it will be okay after all. 

----------

B R Y C E

The first day as a surgical intern at Edenbrook. He was finally a surgeon, all those years of bartending was worth it. His confidence somewhat pushed people away, as he shrugs the feeling off. He came here to be the best, and not to find friends. 

“Welcome interns. Today is the start of your careers as a surgical intern, and I am ecstatic for what all of you could bring to the table.” the Dr. Harper Emery exclaims happily, as she eyed the crowd of surgeons.

There was a round of applause, as the energy in the room was accumulated. 

“I will introduce you to Dr. Tanaka who is one of your surgical residents. He will be guiding you through this journey. Some of you will fall, quit, but some of you will rise and it will be worth it in the end.” 

After the introduction was done, the crowd was dismissed as the first rounds of the day begun for the surgical interns. 

His heart was filled with excitement, a new beginning. A new slate, and a new chance to not become known. That is the whole reason from the beginning. He is Bryce Lahela, a surgeon. Nothing else more. 

As the days go by, he has been able to witness the procedures that were taught during his years at medical school. His gaze was equivalent to one who looks at their favorite food which is filled with awed and joy. As someone who would fixed up the problems at home, surgery made him feel fulfill once again. It is giving him a purpose even after everything that has happened. 

“Dr Lahela, earth to Dr. Lahela.” A voice called for him brought him back from his subconscious. 

“Yes, I’m here.” He replied as the other interns were found laughing silently at the back.

“What is the first step to perform a  Laparoscopic appendectomy?’ Dr. Tanaka questioned him with Dr. Emery on his side observing. All of the eyes fall on him.

It was his moment to show that he is worth it today, and everyday for the rest of his life.

We will access the appendix through a few small incisions in the abdomen as a cannula which is a small, narrow tube  will then be inserted. It is used to inflate the abdomen with carbon dioxide gas which allows us to see the appendix more clearly...” He paused, as he took a deep breath before resuming his explanation. 

“Once the abdomen is inflated,  a laparoscope will be inserted through the incision. It is a long, thin tube with a high-intensity light and a high-resolution camera at the front which will display the images on a screen, allowing us to see inside of the abdomen and guide the instruments. When the appendix is found, it will be tied off with stiches and removed. The small incisions are then cleaned, closed, and dressed.” His final words fall as somehow equivalent to a mic-drop earning both smiles from the two doctors, as they resumed with rounds for the day. 

He took a minute to be proud of himself, as it is a reminder that he is here to stay. 

After rounds was over, he is officially a surgeon. He was assigned under Dr. Tanaka as he was his resident along with a few other interns. It was really happening, the suprised dream he had that was meant to be an escape; has came true today.

“Dr. Lahela, I would like you to scrub in with me to perform your very first appendectomy in the O.R” Dr. Tanaka said, as his smile was wide filled with joy which was taken away by the growling voices of the other interns behind him. 

He ignored them, as he started to scrub in. The looked that was dedicated to him was somewhat a deja vu moment, a moment where he was known as the son of a criminal. The hatred eyes that is coming to him, attacking him slowly as it was disguised by the confident exterior. 

He shake the thoughts away, getting himself prep in the O.R for his first surgery, but some demons never left as he tried his best. 

After they were dismissed, he took a turn to the cafeteria as a distraction. It wasn’t the best, maybe he hoped it would be like the movies; he would be the protagonist, the hero. Instead, it was the joker. 

He decides upon a snicker bar from one of the vending machines, as the line piled up. He took a seat at the edge of the room, with his pager present on the table. A breath was taken, calming the rage and expectations in him. 

The occupied thoughts were interrupter by a woman, looking at her once again with concern. 

“You should try this, it’s the cafeteria signature.” The voice was soft, comforting as she passed a pudding cup his way. Chocolate to be specific. 

“It’s just a pudding cup, mr.s” He chuckled upon the small cup, as Mr.s Martinez joined him on the empty seats. 

“It’s more than a pudding cup, it’s the cure of sadness actually.” She gestures upon him, as realization hits him.

“I didn’t hide it hard enough didn’t I?” 

She just shake his head, as he held the pudding cup in his hands. 

“You must be one of the new interns aren’t you, the outfit reminds me of a young Harper Emery during her own residency.” She gestures towards his green scrubs. 

“She was the legend, and you have seen her work here before??” His eyes shine upon the name.

“Son, I have been in this hospital for the last decade. I have known all the residents for some times now, there was a lot a person can go through for the last 10 years.” She stated as Bryce was filled with awe. 

“So, tell me what’s with the long face; I thought it was supposed to be an exciting start.”  

“I woke up today feeling on top of the world, but coming here feels like the past haunting me once again. The eyes, the look, and...it reminds me of something I always wanted to forget.” He lets out a small sigh upon the statement, it wasn’t the whole truth, but it feels go to have someone to listen. 

“The past, its always going to be there to haunt us. Sometimes, history repeats itself to prove how strong you are. You have been through a lot and you survived, you are a doctor today dear. This chance is bigger than any doubt, any pain, any memory that you have been through. I have seen the doctors here grow, some had left to pursue something easier, some even crack under the pressure, but some also thrive in excellence. Those people have fought to survive, and that’s what life is about dear. Fighting to survive, I am fighting too. It felt like a long journey for the past 10 years, but some adventures are worth to take to get to the final destination.” She ends the speech with a smile, as she left him with his thoughts once again. 

It feels like a fever-dream, but it is true. Maybe, he will make it after all with a pack of chocolate pudding by his side. 

Suddenly, his pager starts to beep. A new chance to start again, a new hope was in-stored. He took a final bite before leaving the room, feeling okay for the first time that day. 

----------

PRESENT DAY 

The day passes by quickly, as the reminders and memories kept on replaying in their minds. A sign from her, a message possibly, a lingering gift from the beyond. 

Casey met up with Bryce at the entrance, they have plans that evening. Both of them are already dressed in black which replaces the scrubs from the day; Luis invited them that day to pay their respects for Mrs. Martinez. The whole gang followed, as it is better to face the inevitable together- making it less scarier. 

The evening was peaceful, it was beautiful even. The leaves started to fall, its a start of a new season; some would say a new chapter. They met with Luis to pay their respects to the woman who had changed all of their lives, as they changed hers even for a moment. 

They paid their respects together, as Casey lets out of her silent wishes for Mrs. Martinez. It took a few moments before she was met with his comforting gaze once more, as she nods in completion.  Their reunion with Luis was a pleasant one, as he thanked them once more; despite everything. It echo’s in her mind, word-by-word. 

‘You give my mom her happiness, the one thing I couldn’t. I will never thank you enough for the little miracle that had happened. I was pissed when I found out, but...you manage to give her the signature Martinez’s smile once more. Thank you.’

Luis excused himself from the group, as they were pulled into a group hug. Mrs. Martinez gave each and everyone of them a purpose. Something that she couldn’t see before. 

After they bid their farewell,  Bryce and Casey walked hand-in-hand making their way back home as they talked about life, memories, and even happiness. It was a beautiful ending for their day, as the sunset was their backdrop, it was what life is all about. 

She finally started to live life, as he continues to pursue his dream. Maybe even found himself a new dream as well. 

----------

‘Life to one Teresa Martinez ; it was an unforgettable journey. She believed in the impossible, she took a risk that wasn’t mean to be taken by any other. She trusted me, and that was everything. But, the news - it was a tragedy. Death is a tragedy, as life was taken away from us. But, Teresa Martinez’s death reminds us of the dreams that we wanted to catch. The dreams that were left behind, the dreams that were abandoned in the dust. It was a dream that is worth following for, even if it ends upon your death bed. She believed in me during my dark times, and the reminder of one Teresa Martinez, is something we can’t turn back from. But, the advices and love she has left behind is a reminder that those who are gone...will always be with us, we can’t see them, but there are always there guiding us, cheering us on even after they have left us behind. Teresa Martinez lived a good life, and she will never be forgotten as she is flying high at somewhere better.’  

THE END. 

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[saiilorstars]

Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 33: Secret Detectives

Previous chapters // Montserrat's masterlist

Fandom: SVU // Pairing:  Rafael Barba x OFC

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother​ @anotherunreadblog​ @maaaaarveeeeel​​ @stareyedplanet​ @perfectlystiles​ @averyhotchner​ [If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ` 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter Summary: Montserrat does the opposite of what Calhoun begs her to do. She and Damian are on the same page when it comes to Gael's trial.

"Hey, where's your brother?" Montserrat startled Kara just as the woman was about to put on lipstick. Instead of going on her lips, like a normal person would do, it went over her cheek.

"Montse!" the blonde huffed and threw Montserrat a glare for her imprudence, not that the detective noticed.

"What?"

Kara gestured at her red-stained face. "I have a lunch date with Sonny!"

"Oh please," the detective snorted and looked away. "He's in too deep to notice any flaws in you."

"While that is both lovely and stress-relieving, I still like looking nice," Kara got up from her vanity desk's chair and went in search for a makeup removal wipe around the room.

"Okay but seriously, have you got any news on Damian? He texted me this morning saying that he might have found a clue of where that missing security feed video went but he hasn't texted me anything else."

"So why would he text me?" huffed Kara again. She'd found her makeup removal wipes and had returned to the vanity desk. She leaned close to the mirror in order to strategically remove only the lipstick smudge and not her entire makeup.

"Because I'm desperate and hopeful, what else?"

Kara mockingly glared through the mirror.

"So?" the detective went on like nothing. "Did he happen to text you?"

"No," sighed Kara. "And if he does, I will call you straightaway. I promise."

"Thanks," Montserrat said and moved to leave only to stop by the doorway to look back. "And why are you putting on so much make up anyways? You're going to be stuffing your face with food."

"Get out!" Kara pointed, making Montserrat laughed. She could hear Montserrat's laughter even as the woman left, but Kara secretly decided she would much rather have this version of her best friend than the totally depressed version she had not too long ago. She wasn't sure what it was that changed - since Gael was still on trial - but Kara was thankful that something did change.

~ 0 ~

The last thing Rafael expected to see in his office in the middle of the day was Montserrat comfortably sitting at his desk, in his chair. "What...are you doing…?" he closed the door behind him, not that it would matter since Carmen had the day off. He'd be in trials all day today.

"I own your office now," Montserrat waved him off as most of her focus was on her laptop in front of her.

"No, I'm pretty sure you don't," Rafael countered as he walked up to his desk, but even him putting his briefcase down with a loud thud wasn't enough to startle Montserrat out of his chair.

"I seem to recall that yesterday you said I owned you so-" she looked up with a big smile on her face, a sarcastic one at that, "-I own the office now too. So could you please…" she made a gesture for him to actually leave the office.

"I did not say you owned me, I said..." Rafael cleared his throat when he remembered the moment he uttered similar words to the ones Montserrat was saying. It involved a lot of kissing in which he might have lost some of his lucidity. "I said: 'You might have me wrapped around your finger.' Emphasis on the 'might'."

Montserrat still smirked at him, quite proudly too. "It's amazing what I can get you to say when these-" she tapped her finger over her lips, "-are at work."

Rafael didn't know whether to laugh or snap. He'd been in more puzzled states this week alone than he had been over any case he ever handled. But he liked it. A lot. "Get out of my chair," he instructed, though smiling now, "And stop being so sarcastic. I have a short lunch break today."

"I know, those cases Olivia has me reading to catch up are terrible," Montserrat leaned back on his chair. "I'm swamped in files and when I'm not doing that I'm tailing after Damian and going to my brother's trials. So, you want to try again and tell me to get up from this comfortable chair?"

Rafael rolled his eyes. "No, I guess not."

Montserrat smugly smiled at him. "I wouldn't have been able to get away with this-" she rubbed her hands over the chair's arm-rest, "-if I wasn't kissing you every so often now, huh?" Not too long ago he was snapping at her to stop sitting over his desk.

Rafael decided to skip her moment of high ego. His break was truly short. "You're extra smug today - is there a new development in your brother's trial?" he moved around the desk and tapped the top of her laptop.

"Sort of," she straightened up in the chair. "Damian said this morning that he may have gotten a clue of where the missing security camera video went, but he hasn't updated me. I want to go down there and find it myself already. It's agonizing waiting."

"You do that and you ruin your brother. Is that what you want?"

"...no."

"Then what do you think you should do?"

"...wait," Montserrat answered in a low mutter.

"There you go. Now get out of my chair."

Montserrat rolled her eyes but this time she listened and stood up. "Is there something I should know about that chair, or…?"

"Yes, it's my chair. And...it's my chair," he said dead serious, thinking it was a fairly good reason.

She shut her laptop down and switched spots with him so he could finally take his seat. "While I'm here, I just have to ask something really quick. And I wouldn't ask because...I know this-" she gestured between herself and him, "-is brand new. Like 3 days new, but…"

"You could get on with it before lunch is over, you know."

Her expression went flat. "I have to make sure we're on the same page, okay? Kara's noticed I'm a bit more…" her left hand went in circles while she came up with the right word, "...happier?"

Rafael's expression immediately turned into a smug smile. "Really?"

"Shut up," Montserrat pointed at him. She didn't want that smug look to stay on his face forever, because she was sure he could do that.

"I didn't say anything-"

"-but your face says it all. But being really serious here, I didn't tell her anything."

"Montserrat, I never told you to keep it a secret-"

"-I know, I know," She folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the desk. "I would just like to know...where exactly we stand."

"You mean telling people or not?"

"Aha."

"That depends solely on you," Rafael rose from his chair, giving her a small smile. He was fairly amused by her sudden nervousness. "I have no problem letting anyone know to stay away from you- I mean that we're together."

Montserrat shot him a look. But even if she wanted to pretend to be annoyed at the comment, she couldn't because she felt the same way towards him. She didn't want anyone else going near him.

But then again…

"Well," she pushed herself away from the desk and stepped closer to him, "I kind of like this right now. No one really knows except for Sonny but he's an easy one to keep quiet."

"You mean because you'll scare him to death?"

"Yes," she grinned then leaned on him with her hands on his chest. "I really like how you think."

"Really? Because that's not what you used to say," he curled his hands over hers. "In fact, it was just one of the many things you used to hate about me. Like my attitude…"

"Still hate that, actually."

"And my voice…"

"Only just getting past it, really."

"And my mouth…"

"Still hate that," Montserrat wiggled one of her hands from his to tap one finger over his lips. "I really hate it, to be honest."

"Oh, you still do?" Rafael gingerly pulled her finger off his lips and wrapped his hand over hers entirely. Now he could truly relish in her warmth and her softness — these 3 days, though casual so far, had made him feel the best he'd ever been in such a long time.

"I still do," Montserrat tried pulling her hand from his but he had a tight grip on it.

"I guess I still have some work to do, then," Rafael brought her hand to his lips for a soft kiss.

"Work hard then," Montserrat chuckled. She watched as he wrapped one arm around her waist while his other hand freely went up and down her side. She actually hated that he had this effect on her when he wasn't really doing anything except touching her. What irritated her more was that she had yet to find something that gave him the same feeling. Yes, he did clearly enjoy their time together these past days but Montserrat felt like there could be more feelings than what he expressed.

In layman's terms, she felt like she needed to figure out what made him tick. That way, she could drive him crazy...like he drove her crazy.

Just as they shared one kiss, Montserrat's cellphone started buzzing in her pocket. "Sorry," she pulled the phone out and saw it was a text. "Gael's case. Damian thinks he might have found the place where the video's hidden. I have to run."

"Uh, is it...is it just going to be you and him?" Rafael really hoped that question didn't sound as awkward as he thought it did. He fully blamed Sonny for putting that idea into his head, but then he remembered what he saw in the courthouse 3 days ago and…

Sonny may have been right.

And he may have been jealous.

Montserrat still didn't have a clue about it, so she just nodded and casually answered the question with a 'yeah'. "Casey's meeting us afterwards."

"Ah."

Montserrat stuffed her laptop into her bag then noticed his unusual quietness. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Rafael went to take his seat again, but even that movement was unusually shifty.

Montserrat's eyebrows wrinkled together. She put her laptop down on the desk and looked at him again. "Are we...good?"

"Of course we are," he smiled softly at her. It was convincing straight away.

"O...kay," she nodded slowly. "So then, we've agreed to keep things...quiet?"

"Do you want to?"

"...kind of? I mean, I don't want to keep it a secret forever it's just...you know that whole blissful bubble thing that most people look down upon?"

"Sort of?"

"I really like the bubble," Montserrat tucked a curl behind her ear, pursing her lips together. "It's just nice and...free? Does that make sense?"

Rafael nodded, close to chuckling. "It does, surprisingly. I agree. At least for the time being, it might be better if we just keep things between us."

"Exactly," Montserrat strung her bag's strap over her shoulder. "Well, you know, except for Sonny but...we might just kill him to keep the secret."

"Exactly," Rafael pointed at her, making her laugh.

"You're supposed to warn me that this is the wrong place to say something like that and especially not to say it in front of you, a D.A?"

"Right," Rafael looked away as he pretended to remember that rule he himself told her a long time ago. But in the end, he shook his head. "I might be giving you some special treatments."

"As you should," Montserrat pointed. She moved to his side, leaning down only to press a kiss to his lips. "I'll see you later?"

"Please," he said, making it sound like a beg more than a response. That was a novelty for him too.

Montserrat smiled at him. "I'll call you later, then." She looked at him for a few seconds before surprising him with a second kiss.

Her hand curled on the back of his neck as she finished the kiss. Now Rafael didn't quite like surprises, but he definitely liked her surprises. He realized that very quickly.

"I really have to go," Montserrat said as soon as she pulled away and forced her hands away from him. If they touched him again, she wouldn't be able to leave anytime soon. "See you."

Rafael watched her leave in a hasty pace and despite having this idiot smile on his face, once he remembered who she was going to meet up with...it faltered. "Goddammit," he muttered.

~ 0 ~

Damian had explained to Montserrat very quickly what he'd found. And what he thought he had found, was pretty damn convincing. It had Montserrat pacing back and forth in her apartment's living room.

"You think it's in that storage room?" Montserrat asked for the third time since Damian had finished telling her the story.

"I think so," Damian nodded fast. "I was rewatching the security feed from that day and I noticed there was a janitor that I hadn't really...noticed before." He scrunched his face after realizing that was a terrible way to describe it. "See, I know everyone who works with me, from the top to bottom. I've never seen that janitor before."

"You think he doesn't really work there?"

"I think he wasn't even a janitor," Damian clarified where his thoughts were going. "Because he only appears in the day before the building fell apart. He doesn't even appear the day Gael made the last evaluation, even when he turns in the paperwork. He's just not there."

"I gotta find that guy," scowled Montserrat.

"Yes but let's focus on the main thing right now."

"You're right," Montserrat stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the coffee table, an act that would always have Kara on her back. "If we find that video and show them the one you found with that janitor who's not really a janitor...we can end this trial."

"Exactly," nodded Damian. "I'll just go head back after lunch and do that."

"But we can't let that person know you're onto them. You'll need someone else to look for it."

"It's fine. He's not there anymore. He was literally only there for one day, maybe two days max."

"Just because he's not there doesn't mean he doesn't have eyes or ears on us," Montserrat wagged a finger. "I can go in. Hardly ever seen me before in that place."

"Oh no, you can't do that. You heard what Calhoun said. If Geraghty finds out you were anywhere near there, she'll make it look like you planted the evidence."

"But I can't just stay away! I need to be there when we get that video."

"How's about a compromise, then?" Damian leaned forwards on the couch. "I'm the one who has to go in, but you can wait outside. And I mean some place where you won't get caught by a camera because we really can't mess this up for Gael. Not when we're this close."

Montserrat exhaled and nodded her head. He had the right mindset. She couldn't ruin this for her brother, especially when it just because she wanted to go in. It didn't matter who went in as long as someone came out with the damn video. "Okay, it sounds good. But I have to say I don't like the idea of you going in alone."

Damian smiled at her. "Worried about me?"

"Always," she said. "You're family and we always watch our back. Sme malí, ale mocní," she offered him another smile.

"I have no idea what you just said but it sounded good," Damian pointed at her.

"We are small but mighty," Montserrat translated the Slovakian phrase. "We're a small family but we are strong as hell."

"Okay, so how do you want to play this?"

Montserrat thought about it long and hard. She didn't want to risk losing Gael his case but she wanted someone she could fully trust to go in with Damian in case he got hurt. "I got it," she declared and rose from the table with a newfound grin on her face. "You can go in, but I'll be sending in my own help."

Damian looked at her wearily. He knew her idea face all too well, but sometimes they didn't end like she planned. "Who'd you have in mind?"

~ 0 ~

"Just go in, go directly to that room and then get out," Montserrat walked between Damian and a friend of hers. Said friend may have been from 1PP but she wasn't a detective yet, so…

Fair game?

Montserrat preferred not to think about it.

"Okay and while I do that I'm guessing your friend…" Damian looked over Montserrat's head to the slightly taller woman — an olive-skinned woman with shoulder length black hair, "...keeps a look out for me?"

"Yes," Montserrat nodded and glanced at the friend in question. "Andra's been training and she's an officer now, so…"

"You want me to keep him safe, got it," the woman nodded her head. She didn't understand much of what was going on but she did want to help Montserrat. "Officer Andra Moressy," she then told Damian. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Damian said, feeling more than reasonably awkward.

Montserrat stopped a few blocks before they reached Damian's job. "Okay, this is as far as I can go." She turned to the two. "You guys good? I'll be out here and if anything goes wrong just call me and I'll go, no matter what."

Damian put a hand over her shoulder, giving her one of those smiles telling her everything would be fine. "We got it, Montse. You didn't need to bring another friend, though. I can do this on my own."

"I just feel a lot better if someone else was with you," Montserrat smiled back, though not as strong as his was. She looked at Andra and sighed. "Sorry for springing this on you, I just couldn't think of anyone else that could go in without problems."

Andra waved a hand, indicating it was just fine. "Always good to have some practice, right? But can I ask...who exactly are we supposed to be looking out for?"

"Um…" Montserrat slowly slid her hands into her coat's pocket. "Some guy who pretended to be a janitor. He helped frame my brother and even though Damian says he hasn't shown up...I don't want to take chances. But if you see him, shoot for a leg because I was that bastard alive so I can ask — demand answers."

Andra wouldn't even point out how fast Montserrat's face had hardened. She got it. This was personal. "Okay." She looked at Damian with the same question he had. "You ready?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded. "Let's go."

Andra nodded again and started the way. Damian only lingered behind to give Montserrat a hug and remind her to stay away.

Now Montserrat knew this could be hours of waiting and the worst part was that she couldn't even call Damian to know how things were going. She'd busied herself at a small coffee shop, though she hadn't even drank what she ordered. At around five, late five, Montserrat got a text from Rafael. He was asking if she was alright.

She remembered she'd promised to stop by again later or call him. She picked up her phone to call, but then after thinking about it she put her phone back down. She couldn't involve him in this, not when it had the potential to harm his career and job altogether. It was exactly what he'd warned her months ago when he reasoned with her that they couldn't be together. She didn't want to prove him right.

After a few minutes of thinking again, she grabbed her phone off the table and responded with a quick text.

I'm so sorry, something came up.

Montserrat felt terrible lying but if she told him the truth he could try and stop her. But she definitely wasn't into the idea of lying so early in a relationship. I mean, every relationship has a little white lies but they definitely shouldn't have a big lie like this one. She sighed inwardly.

Two hours passed and Montserrat still didn't have a word from Damian. In that span of 2 hours, she did receive a couple more texts. One was from Rafael again asking if she was okay, to which Montserrat answered yet another short response 'yup' and moved on.

She might pay for that one later.

The second text was from Casey, asking where the hell she was because Calhoun was driving her crazy.

And the third text was from Olivia, requesting Montserrat read up on the latest case that had apparently turned into a staged night raid.

Out of those three, Montserrat felt like she could at least respond to Casey because that was the one that would get her into the least amount of trouble. And if it did get her into trouble, at least Casey would know what to do.

And in doing that, Casey came storming into the coffee shop 30 minutes later. "Montserrat Irene Novak, I cannot believe you are doing this!"

Montserrat straightened in her chair and, maturely, pouted. "Well, I didn't tell you so you could come and scold me."

"Someone has to!" Casey plopped down into the empty chair across her. She lowered her voice for the next time she spoke up. "Do you realize that you can lose your job by doing this? Not to mention lose your brother's case all together?"

"I'm being careful," Montserrat said quietly.

"Careful!?" Casey's eyes were wide with incredulity. "You're putting yourself in the wolf's den! If someone from Geraghty's team finds out that you arranged this, Montserrat I don't even know what the hell is going to happen to you."

"I don't care," Montserrat said bluntly and before Casey could scold her again, she explained, "I don't mean that as in 'I'm careless and I'm doing what I want' thing. I mean that as in someone framed my brother for a double murder and I can't let that go. Not when I have the means to prove that he's innocent and that he's been framed."

Casey sighed. "Montse, this is beyond dangerous. And do you even have proof of what you're saying?"

"It's the only logical reason for all of this," Montserrat made a gesture. "Gael is not careless in his job. He says he checked everything in final evaluation and I believe him. He would never let anyone get hurt us because he chose not to do his usual routine. Someone had to have framed him for this."

"But why? Why would someone do that?"

"I don't know," shrugged Montserrat. "But if we find the guy who did it, we can sure as hell ask them."

For a long moment, Casey stared at her cousin. Like Damian, she recognized Montserrat's idea face and feared the results. This wasn't an ordinary idea, nor an ordinary situation. It was a huge risk she was taking.

"Alright, fine," Casey sighed. "I guess we can wait here."

"Casey, you don't have to. I know it's putting my job on the line, you don't need to risk yours."

"But I do. Because my cousin is an idiot," Casey smiled so casually while Montserrat rolled her eyes. "So, might as well order a coffee. How long have you been here?"

"I'm going for nearly 3 hours now."

"Long wait," Casey understood then picked up a menu. Like Montserrat, she ended up ordering a vanilla latte. "So, how's life?"

Montserrat couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously?"

"Well, it's a long wait! I don't want to spend it in awkward silence."

Montserrat had to laugh one more time.

"Seriously. You do seem a bit chipper than usual, especially since your brother's facing trial for murder."

Montserrat no longer laughed but there was a secretive smile that Casey recognized fairly fast. "I'm good."

"You're hiding something," Casey pointed a wagging finger at her cousin. "What is it?"

"Something good, don't worry about it."

"Now I'm worrying. What are you hiding, Montse?"

"I said-" Montserrat leaned forwards on the table, "-don't worry about it. You'll know later in the future."

Casey narrowed her eyes on her cousin. But, before she could respond, Montserrat gasped at something behind her.

"Damian!" she practically scrambled to get out of her seat.

Damian and Andra had come rushing in, like they'd been running all the way there.

"Thought I might find you in here," Damian pointed at the chalkboard sign announcing Vanilla Lattes were half off. "You love those things."

Montserrat rolled her eyes and moved onto better things. "Did you get it!?"

"I found it! I found the missing video!"

"Seriously!?" Montserrat's entire face lit up like a series of fireworks. That was the best thing she'd heard as of late, with the exception of one other thing but that was for her and Rafael to know.

"Yeah. It was hidden through the old files that needed to be archived which - honestly - was a pretty good hiding spot considering no one wants that job!"

"So you've got it!?"

"Aha!"

Montserrat laughed in utter joy. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "The charges are going to be dropped!"

"Yup!"

"That's great," Casey got up from her chair, smiling like they were but she seemed more level headed than the pair. "So we should get that evidence logged in for trial tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Montserrat pulled away with a newfound scowl on her face.

"It's past five and by the time they actually get the charges dropped, it'll be way too late for tonight."

That put a real dampener in Montserrat's mood. She drew away from Damian and turned to her cousin. "But we need to get those charges dropped now."

"I get it, Montse, but we can't really…" Casey trailed off once she began to see Montserrat's impatient face. Even if she did spend 5 minutes lecturing about the rules and process, Montserrat wouldn't be listening to her at all. "Oh fine, let's go."

And just like that, the smile and beam was back on Montserrat's face. "That's more like it!"

Together, they sought out Calhoun to loop her in but as soon as she heard the news, she had a good go at Montserrat for her 'wrecklessness'. Montserrat couldn't say that she listened, nor that she cared. Of course it was Calhoun who put some sense into all of them as she started going off with the actual process to get the charges dropped. However, Calhoun was a fool if she believed Montserrat would leave her alone. Between the night before and the next morning, she had all of them working to put the evidence together so that first come tomorrow Gael would be a free man. If Calhoun had to say it…

"You are the most irritating woman I have ever met," she spat as she walked alongside Montserrat down a hallway. "And don't forget I've handled your squad's petty cases. And Rafael Barba altogether."

"Yeah, it's not the first time I hear that," Montserrat had her biggest smile that morning. "And I've learned to live with it."

Calhoun came to a stop outside an office door then turned to face the slightly smaller detective. She was used to handling all of the SVU detectives but it turned out Montserrat had enough to be the entire squad. "Can you keep yourself calm while I go in there—" Calhoun pointed at the closed doors behind her, "—and do my thing? Is that possible?"

Montserrat rolled her eyes. She might have been bouncing on her feet but she could definitely sit still for a few minutes while the two lawyers spoke with the judge on the trial. "Yes, of course. Just tell me that it's finally going to be over now."

"Yes, I showed Geraghty the last of the evidence and we've gotten the judge to listen to us before the trial is supposed to go on. So just, stay here and don't do anything."

Montserrat barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. Calhoun was speaking to her as if she were a child. Instead of responding to that, Montserrat only gestured for Calhoun to go inside already. As Montserrat waited, she saw her family, along with Damian and Kara, coming towards her.

"Hey, where's Calhoun?" Casey immediately started looking around for the woman.

"She's already inside," Montserrat pointed to the shut office doors behind her.

"Do I need to…?" Gael's pointed finger at the doors was shakey, as expected.

"No," she smiled at him. "You just stay out here and wait for Calhoun to give you the good news."

"I still cannot believe you disobeyed Miss Calhoun's instructions," their father still had the same scolding look on his face as he had when Montserrat first told him the previous day.

"It's done, Dad," Montserrat waved him off.

"And if we hand't done it, then we wouldn't be here right now," Damian added.

"Dad's still right, you guys risked yourselves too much," Gael shook his head, but soon Casey was shushing them.

Geraghty was coming up to them, looking none too pleased. "Morning." Even her greeting was sour.

"Geraghty," Casey flatout smirked at the woman. She kept her word that she would enjoy the moment Geraghty was forced to drop the charges.

Geraghty ignored her and the others as she walked into the office.

"She seems lovely," Kara remarked in a low mutter.

"She's a bitch," Casey turned to the group with no sense of regret of her vocabulary.

The meeting between the two lawyers and the judge lasted only fifteen minutes and when the lawyers emerged, the group could clearly see who won and who lost.

"You're free of all charges, Gael," Calhoun declared with a wide, proud smile. For a moment, it matched Casey's face.

Gael erupted into laughter, along with the others. They hugged and hugged until they heard Geraghty's scoff.

"Oh just admit, you lost," Casey told the woman. "I did tell you that this case wasn't going to last."

"That's great and all, but I do want to remind you people that someone made that building crumble. People still died."

"Yeah and we'll let Homicide take that over," Montserrat reassured but she definitely was beginning to see why Casey didn't appreciate the woman. "But you have to admit that you had the wrong guy. You put my brother through hell — his daughters too."

"What do you want from me? An apology?" scoffed Geraghty. "I was just doing my job."

"No, you were doing my job which I will happily take back now," Casey waved a goodbye. "I actually catch put the right person on trial."

Geraghty rolled her eyes.

"I hope you do," Gael spoke up for the first time. Geraghty still laid harsh eyes on the man but he didn't care. "Because that guy — whoever they are — planned this. They wanted to hurt people and threw me under the bus. You need to catch them."

"Like your sister said—" Geraghty made a lazy gesture at Montserrat, "—I'll let Homicide take over." She strode off without saying another word.

"Seriously, she seems lovely," Kara turned to Montserrat with a flat face. She was so glad that she didn't have to work anywhere near these types of people.

"I don't care, I just know that I'm finally free of any charges," Gael smiled so widely it could crack his face in two. "Miss Calhoun, I am very thankful for what you did."

"Yeah, now I can't really hate you," Montserrat dramatically sighed, making Calhoun roll her eyes.

"I'll remember that next time when we meet," Calhoun pointed.

Montserrat couldn't help but smile. "Thank you," she said, genuinely meaning to thank the woman for everything she'd done for them.

It was a strange sight for Calhoun but she gave a nod of her head and went on her way.

"Okay, now we can celebrate right?" Damian's expression was slowly turning into a smile.

"Yes, absolutely yes!" Gael nodded.

"I know a place," Kara raised a finger in the air. "If you guys are interested…"

"Please, lead the way," Gael gestured for her, making the others laugh with him.

Kara suggested they mainly go to a bar since drinking is all they wanted to do. Sure, they might have a meal here or there, but they mainly wanted those celebratory drinks.

However, Montserrat couldn't exactly celebrate all the way. She was into her third drink when she saw a couple at the counter sitting together. And suddenly she remembered she'd practically blown off Rafael's texts from the previous night. In all her excitement, she'd completely forgotten anything and everything that didn't have to do with her brother.

I am a terrible, terrible person, she lowered her drink to the table.

"What's up with you?" Kara was the one to notice how incredibly pale Montserrat had become all of a sudden. "You're white as a sheet."

"I just...I just remembered I…" Montserrat bit her lower lip and thought how to best word her problem without giving it away. She'd never really kept a relationship away from her best friend, and right now she really wanted to tell Kara.

"Montse?" Kara asked again. She looked over to her brother, Gael and Thomas. They'd gone up to the counter for a quicker service. Casey had left for the restroom. "Should we call it a night already?"

"No, no, absolutely not," Montserrat shook her head.

"Then what's wrong?" Kara's smile was encouraging but when she saw how much Montserrat was struggling, it began to fade. "Are you okay?"

"I'm...seeing someone," as Montserrat had said those words, she realized what it meant.

Kara, for her part, blinked for the first second or so. "Come again?"

"I'm...I just...started a relationship and I've already messed up," Montserrat pushed her glass away, as if that was the root of her problem. "Seriously, a 3 day thing and I've already blown him off."

Kara was trying to understand the fact at some point her best friend had initiated a relationship and she completely missed it! She put a hand on Montserrat's arm and forced the ginger to look at her. "You're going to have to explain this cos I'm not understanding it."

At this point, Montserrat figured she might as well say it. If Rafael was to be mad at her, it should be grand. Ignoring the logic of her reasoning, Montserrat rambled, "Three days ago Rafael and I pretty much said 'let's go for it's and he texted me yesterday 2 times asking me if I was going to stop by his office because I told him I would stop by and of course, since I was busy waiting for Damian to get the missing videos, I responded with a very short message saying something came up. And then he texted me again later in the night and I completely forgot to answer and now he hasn't texted me at all. Or called." Montserrat drew in a deep breath after everything was out. "How much trouble do you think that'll be?"

Kara shook her head. She was still trying to catch up. "Wait a minute!"

"Kara, please file all this under 'freak about later' and just help me right now. I'm nervous!"

"Just go, you idiot," Kara made a 'shoo' motion with her hand. "Don't think about any text or any calls. You messed up now you go and see him. Like face to face."

"I'm a little afraid…"

"I'd be too if that's who I chose to be with-"

"Hey!"

"You know I'm kidding," Kara waved her off. "But seriously, we'll talk later. You need to go."

"You think Gael's going to be upset if I leave?"

"Umm…"

Montserrat followed Kara's gaze back to the counter where she saw her brother happily drinking with Damian and their father. It almost looked like they forgot they were even there. "Okay, that's my cue."

"Good luck," Kara held two thumbs up. "You'll need it. How is he when he gets mad? Like properly mad."

"I don't know," Montserrat stopped to really think about the question. Sure, she'd seen Rafael get upset over a case or even with her but...a proper anger? That one was still unknown to her.

"How do you not know? You've pissed him off countless times - frankly, I'm surprised how this even worked in the end."

Montserrat rolled her eyes at the sarcasm. "Thanks, Kara. You're such a great help."

Kara smiled. "You bet I am."

Montserrat grabbed her things and left before it became even more late.

~0~

When Rafael heard the light knock on the office door, he expected it to be Carmen, or at least Olivia with some new turnout on their latest case. But, when he looked up from his papers, he found Montserrat nervously standing under the doorway.

"You're mad and you have every right to be," she stepped inside.

Rafael put down the glass of scotch he'd been nursing while undergoing the terrible load of work at the coffee table. "I'm not mad," he clarified.

"Yeah, you are," Montserrat walked over and plopped down next to him on the couch. "I mean, you should be…totally blew you off yesterday."

"I'm not mad," Rafael insisted, now even smiling a bit out of amusement. "I'm annoyed, yes, but I'm not mad."

Montserrat searched his face for any indication of the opposite, but that damn smile didn't appear angry in the least. "... you're not?" he shook his head. "But...you didn't text anymore, nor call."

"Look Montserrat, I'm not the type of person to blow up someone's phone because they didn't answer my calls or texts. I will probably never be that guy, actually."

"Still, regardless, I'm very sorry. Something did come up-"

"-I know. Your brother's charges have been dropped."

Montserrat blinked in genuine surprise. "What? How did you know?" She hadn't even told anyone from SVU yet.

Rafael loved her reaction. It was hard not to laugh. "I got a call from Calhoun earlier in the day saying I owed her big time. Apparently, you are - and these are her words, not mine - truly the most annoying woman she has ever met. Congratulations, I didn't think it was possible to irritate that woman more than I do."

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes, though there was a hint of relief that things weren't as bad as she thought they'd been.

"I'm really happy your brother is free, though. Although I'm wondering how it was that he got free…" Rafael tilted his head at her, eyes carefully reading her shifty movements. "Calhoun mentioned you found the video…"

"Um, well, technically Damian found it. I waited outside."

Skipping over the fact she'd spent her entire day with Damian, Rafael wondered to what extent Montserrat involved herself in something as serious as interference. "You were told to stay away from their job."

"I was told many things," Montserrat pressed her hands to the hemline of her dress, acting as casual as possible.

Rafael shook his head at her. "I don't think I need to point out the big risk you took, right?"

"No," she shifted on the couch to face him, "I know. But you also know that I was getting desperate. When Damian told me he had an idea of where the video was, I had to do it. If there was a chance to prove that my brother was framed, I was going to take it."

Rafael stared long and hard at her before nodding in agreement. "Yeah you were." Because if he was in her shoes, he'd probably do the same thing.

Montserrat smiled in relief. At least she wouldn't be getting the same lecture from him too. Her brother, father and Casey all drilled her earlier. "And that's why I like you," she declared with the context of her thoughts backing her up. She got up only to sit again but on his lap this time, draping one arm around his neck. For a moment, it seemed like Rafael was frozen but Montserrat soon realized he had a lingering stare on her legs.

"Oooh, I think I finally found what makes you tick," she said with a growing smirk on her face.

Once Rafael knew he'd been caught he rolled his eyes in an attempt to be casual. "Don't start."

"Oh, but I will," she grinned as she crossed her legs. "I know to wear more dresses now."

"It's not funny," he insisted but the fact he kept looking away from her made it all the more amusing.

"I'm going to jot this day down as the day I got you flustered."

Rafael exhaled and concluded this was probably how their relationship was going to work. No matter, he'd figure out a way to get her back. Right now though, he admitted that having her sit on his lap was mesmerizing. He could smell her perfume, her sweet scent drifting towards him and, no doubt, setting on his clothes and skin.

"I almost forgot, I didn't know if you liked brownies but I did stop by my favorite place for some if you want a taste," Montserrat languidly pointed at her bag sitting at the corner on the couch.

"I do have a sweet tooth, actually," Rafael's admission had her nearly laughing. "I'm being very serious here."

"You just don't look like the type," she shrugged. "You want to dig in, then?"

"Sure...after I finish this," he had leaned forwards — making her do the same in the process — and reached for his glass on the table. As he was sitting back, Montserrat surprised him with a kiss on the cheek.

At his expression, she chuckled. "What's that face for?"

Rafael awkwardly cleared his throat. "What face?"

"The one you've been making each time I do something to you. Are you — are you not okay with me…?" she moved to get up but Rafael quickly pulled her back. "Okay, that's a 'no' so…" Montserrat tilted her head and studied him for a minute before realizing something. "When's the last time you've dated?"

"Are you saying I'm inexperienced?"

"Oh no I don't doubt that you are experienced. I'm just asking if it's been a while since you've last dated. And if the answer is 'yes' then I am more than prepared to remind you of the goodness that comes with dating." She leaned her body closer to his with the smuggest yet sweetest smile on her face. Rafael didn't think that was possible. "So, has it been a while?"

"...maybe." Now Rafael had to fight the urge not to roll his eyes at her growing smirk. She made it real hard not to want to bicker with her, but — if he was being honest — he preferred this way. If she wasn't who she was, the way she was, things would be so incredibly boring.

And Montserrat was far from being 'boring'.

"I'm not so shocked," Montserrat swiftly took the glass in his hand. She ignored his expression while she drank it down. He'd only been holding it so she might as well finish it for him.

"My profession doesn't exactly give the best time for dating. I've had a few dates here and there but nothing serious. I think my last serious relationship was back in college with Yelina."

Montserrat scrunched her face at the mention of that woman. "Nope, please don't talk about her with me. I don't like her." She put the now-empty glass on the table then looked back at him with an expression that left no room to even consider if she was joking or not.

"I should really tell you that she talked to me afterwards, explaining that she didn't mean any trouble…" but Rafael trailed off as Montserrat shook her head.

"I'm sorry, I just don't like her. And it's not even because of what happened but...it's because of what she did to you before, with Alex's trial. I don't like anyone — I won't like anyone — who tries to hurt you. That's final."

The smile that spread across Rafael's face was automatic. It'd been a long time since someone cared that much for him. He touched her face, feeling her soft, warm skin. He let his fingers wander down to the back of her neck to bring her in for a kiss. Montserrat quickly wrapped her other arm around his neck and gladly pressed her chest to his while they kissed. A couple seconds later, her muffled laughter filled the air as she'd felt Rafael's hand press over one of her legs and seemed to slowly be making its way up.

"So much for being subtle," she said after pulling away. They both needed to catch some air. Rafael wouldn't apologize for that one, not when she was smiling like that. "So, you want to start on those brownies?"

"Sure," he agreed and reached for the forgotten bag. He handed it to her and watched her eagerly pull it open to find those brownies she loved so much. "You know, maybe we can go out to dinner this week."

Montserrat paused just as she'd found the brownies. "Dinner? Like…a date? Our first date?"

"Yeah," Rafael nodded. "I hadn't asked because I knew it wouldn't be right while your brother was going through a trial but since he's good now...let me take you out for dinner. Maybe this weekend?"

Montserrat beamed. "Yes, of course! I would love to have dinner with you."

"Perfect," he matched her smile with his own.

"Just one more thing. I may have told Kara about us — sorry!"

"Wait, what—"

She pulled him back for another kiss.

[letterboxd]

In Focus: Interstellar.

Inspired by Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar placing high across three notable Letterboxd metrics, Dominic Corry reflects on how the film successfully hung its messaging around the concept of love—and what pandemic responses worldwide could learn from its wholehearted embrace of empathetic science.

“Love isn’t something we invented. It’s observable, it’s powerful. It has to mean something.” —Dr. Amelia Brand (Anne Hathaway)

This story contains spoilers for ‘Interstellar’ (2014).

Although it is insultingly reductionist to both filmmakers, there are many reasons Christopher Nolan is often described as a modern-day Stanley Kubrick. The one most people usually settle on is the notion that both men supposedly make exacting, ambitious films that lack emotion.

It is an incorrect assessment of either director, but it’s beyond amazing that anyone could still accuse Nolan of such a thing after he delivered what is unquestionably his masterwork, the emotional rollercoaster that is 2014’s Interstellar.

In the epic sci-fi adventure drama, Nolan managed to pull off something that many filmmakers have attempted and few have achieved. He told a story of boundless sci-fi scope, and had it be all about love in the end. It sounds cheesy to even write it down, but Nolan did it.

That Interstellar is such an overtly cutting-edge genre film that chooses to center itself so brazenly and unapologetically around love, is frankly awesome.

Love informs Interstellar both metaphorically and literally: the expansive scope of the film effectively represents love’s infinite potential, and love itself ends up being the tangible thread that allows far-flung astronaut Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) to communicate with his Earth-bound daughter Murph (played as an adult by Jessica Chastain) from the tesseract (a three-dimensional rendering of a five-dimensional space) after Cooper enters the black hole towards the end of the film.

Matthew McConaughey as Joseph ‘Coop’ Cooper, Mackenzie Foy as Murph, and Timothée Chalamet as Tom.

In transmitting (via morse code) what the robot TARS has observed from inside the black hole, Cooper provides Murph with the data to solve the gravity problem required to uplift Earth’s population from its depleted home planet. Humanity is saved. Love wins again. Hard sci-fi goes soft. Christopher Nolan’s genius is confirmed, and any notions of emotionlessness are emphatically washed away.

This earnest centering of love in Interstellar is key to the film’s universal appeal, and undoubtedly plays a large role in why it features so prominently in three significant Letterboxd lists determined by pronoun: Interstellar is the only film that appears in all three top tens of “most fans on Letterboxd” when considering members who use the pronoun he/him, she/her and xe/ze. (“Most fans” refers to Letterboxd members who have selected the film as one of the four favorites on their profile.)

To get a bit reductionist myself, sci-fi adventure—in cinema, at least—has traditionally been a masculine-leaning genre, but Interstellar’s placement across these three lists points to it having superseded that traditional leaning, hopefully for the better.

Yet the film reliably still provokes reactions like this delightful tweet:

few movies make me as mad as Interstellar. who the fuck makes 3/4 of an excellent hard sci-fi movie backed up by actual science and then abruptly turns it into soft sci-fi about how the power of love and time traveling bookshelves can save us in the final 1/4? damn you, Nolan

— the thicc husband & father (@lukeisamazing)

February 13, 2021

Although this tweet is somewhat indicative of how many men (and women, for that matter) respond to the film, I think it’s pretty clear the writer actually loves Interstellar wholeheartedly, final quarter and all, but perhaps feels inhibited from expressing that love by the expectations of a gendered society that is becoming increasingly outdated. The “damn you, Nolan” is possibly a concession of sorts—he’s damning how Nolan really made him feel the love at the end. It’s okay, @lukeisamazing, you don’t have to say it out loud.

Conversely, it can be put like this:

“The emotion of Interstellar is three-fold: Nolan’s script, co-written with his brother as with all his best stuff, masters not only notions of black holes, wormholes, quantum data and telemetry, but it also makes a case for love as the one thing—feeling, fact, movement, message—that can mean more and do more than anyone in our current time, on our existing planet, can comprehend.”

The writer of this stirring summation, our own Ella Kemp, is paraphrasing a critical section of the film, when Nolan goes full literal on the concept of love and has Cooper and Dr Amelia Brand (Anne Hathaway) debate its very nature, quoted in part at the top of this story. It comes when the pair are trying to decide which potentially humanity-saving planet to use their dwindling fuel reserves to travel to. Brand is advocating for the planet where a man she loves might be waiting for her, instead of the planet that has ostensibly better circumstances for life.

Brand: “Love is the one thing we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that even if we can’t understand it.”

“Love has meaning, yes,” responds Cooper, heretofore the film’s most outwardly love-centric character, exhibiting a stoic longing for his dead wife, while also abandoning his ten-year-old daughter on Earth for a space adventure (albeit one designed to save humanity) than has now inadvertently taken decades. “Social utility. Social bonding. Child rearing.” Ouch.

McConaughey with Anne Hathaway as Dr. Amelia Brand.

Brand: “You love people who have died. Where’s the social utility in that? Maybe it means something more. Something we don’t yet understand. Some evidence, some artefact of a higher dimension that we can’t consciously perceive. I’m drawn across the universe to someone I haven’t seen in a decade who I know is probably dead. Love is the one thing we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that even if we can’t understand it yet.” Amen.

Cooper remains unconvinced by Brand’s rationale, but this dispassionate display presages him going on to realize the true (literal) power of love (and his poor, science-only decision-making—thanks Matt Damon) when it provides him the aforementioned channel of communication with Murph in the tesseract. Nolan has a female character make the most eloquent vocal argument for love, but it’s the male character who has to learn it through experience.

So while Interstellar does initially conform to some prevailing cultural ideas about love and how it supposedly relates to gender, it ultimately advocates for a greater appreciation of the concept that moves beyond such binary notions. That is reflected in how important the film is to Letterboxd members who self-identify as he/him, she/her and xe/ze. We all love this movie. Emphasis on love.

Brand’s speech—not to mention the film as a whole—also can’t help but inform the current global situation. Interstellar argues for a greater devotion to both science and love, in harmony; such devotion might have mitigated the devastating effects of the coronavirus pandemic where both concepts were drastically undervalued by many of those in charge of the response.

Jessica Chastain and Casey Affleck as the grown-up Cooper siblings.

Despite the reactions cited above, responses to Interstellar aren’t always split down gender lines. We’re all allowed to feel whatever we like about it, and substantial variety comes across in the many, many reviews for the film.

Zaidius says Interstellar is so good that, “after watching [it], you will want to downgrade all of the ratings you have ever given on Letterboxd.”

On the other hand, Singlewhitefemalien takes issue with Dr. Brand’s aforementioned love-based decision-making in her two-star review: “She wants to fuckin’ go to Planet Whatever to chase after a dude she banged ten years ago because women are guided by their emotions and love is all you need.” A perhaps fair assessment of the role Nolan chose his sole female astronaut to play in the film?

Sam offers food for thought when he writes “First, you love Interstellar; then you understand Interstellar.”

Letterboxd stalwart Lucy boils it down effectively in one of her multiple five-star reviews of the film: “I needed a really good cry.” It’s hard to say whether Vince is agreeing or disagreeing with Lucy in his review: “Fuck you Matthew McConaughey for making me cry.” The catharsis this movie provides for dudes becomes clearer the deeper you venture into our Interstellar reviews (and I ventured deep): “How dare this fucking movie make me cry… twice,” writes John. Let it out, John.

Then there’s Rudi’s take: “I sobbed like an animal while watching this but I’m not exactly sure what animal it was like. Like a pig? Like a whale? I don’t know but I do know that I cried a whole fucking lot.”

Emotionless? With all this crying?

Christopher Nolan inspires more debate than any other filmmaker of the modern age (when we’re not getting unnecessarily riled up about something Marty has said, that is) and while Nolan has the passionate devotion of millions of viewers, I’d argue he still doesn’t quite get his due. Especially when it comes to Interstellar.

By so successfully using love as both a metaphorical vessel and a palpable plot point in a sci-fi adventure film, he built on notable antecedents like James Cameron’s The Abyss and Robert Zemeckis’ Contact, two (great) films with similar aspirations that didn’t stick the landing as well as Interstellar does. In Contact, McConaughey engages in a similar debate about love to the one quoted above, but notably takes the opposing side.

Steven Spielberg (who at one point was going to direct an earlier iteration of Interstellar) did a pretty good job of showing love as the most powerful force in the universe with E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, but there hasn’t been a huge amount of room for such notions in the genre since then.

Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, Interstellar’s most obvious forebear, is often accused of being the director’s most brazenly emotionless film. And while that’s perhaps a bit more understandable than some of the brickbats hurled Nolan’s way, there’s more emotion in the character of Hal 9000 than in many major directors’ entire oeuvre. It’s also, in part due to Hal’s place in the examination of queer consciousness in the sci-fi realm, the film currently in the number one spot on the xe/ze list.

Two films that notably exist in Interstellar’s wake are Denis Villeneuve’s Arrival, which expands upon Interstellar’s creative use of time-bending (and like Contact, features a female protagonist) and James Gray’s Ad Astra, which tackles the perils of traditional masculinity with more directness.

Interstellar doesn’t solve the sci-fi genre’s cumbersome relationship with masculinity and gender, but it makes significant strides in breaking down the existing paradigms, if only from all the GIFs of McConaughey crying it has spawned. Its appeal across the gender spectrum is an interesting and encouraging sign of the universality of its themes. And the power of love.

Fans out of touch with their feelings may complain about the role love plays in the film, but that says more about them than it does the film. Love wins. Also: TARS. How could anyone not love TARS?

TARS and Christopher Nolan.

Related content

Men/Boys Crying: a master list

“I Ugly-Cried Like Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar”: Amanda’s list

“I Liked Interstellar”: Sar’s list of what to watch afterwards

Follow Dominic on Letterboxd

[tmntgirlie]

Hi! I would like to make a request for TMNT 2014/16 (bayverse). The reader is a vigilante like the rest of the gang and she has known everyone for a few years. She has grown closer to the leader in blue and they are like a couple. And one day she (the reader) gets kidnapped and no one knows where she is. Two years later on a mission they find her locked up in their enemies prison and saves her. Or you know, you can make up and ending, but she was missing for like two years at least. Thanks! :)

Sorry this took so long! I tried to make this as fluid as possible but I’m crap at writing fighting scenes haha. Hope you like it! <3

~

There wasn’t a day that you weren’t on his mind.

Not a day went by that he didn’t scour the internet for your name.

For two years, five months, and eight days, you had been missing.

Leonardo struggled within himself during your absence.

At first, he absolutely did not believe you were gone. There was no way you would allow yourself to simply vanish from the face of the Earth. You were a fighter- giving up was not in your vocabulary.

Then he was angry. He didn’t come out of his room for days on end. He refused to believe you just allowed yourself to be taken. How could you? Was this your only way to escape your life with him? With his brothers? Did you secretly not enjoy their friendships?

Donatello had managed to talk some sense into Leo after he tried to send threatening messages to every enemy he could think of.

“If she’s really out there, those threats are empty. Imagine what they’d do to her. They have the upper hand.”

Nobody really understood the relationship between you and Fearless. To be honest, he didn’t understand it, either. You had kissed a few times, even said those three magic words, but neither of you put any sort of label on it.

Don, Raph, and Mikey saw you as a sister-figure. Your being taken hadn’t been easy on them by any stretch of the imagination.

But it was painfully obvious that he who took it the hardest was Leonardo.

Life was now back to ‘normal’, as normal as their lives could be. Almost nightly patrols, visits from April and Casey, constant lectures and life-lessons taught by Splinter.

Leo’s most common Google search, however, was now your name.

It was your name. It was your name with all the different spellings. It was your nicknames, various spellings of that as well. It was your alter-ego, and all the different spellings of that.

He absolutely refused to believe that you were gone for good. You had too much yet to accomplish in your life, there was too much fire left in you. It was one of the things he liked the most about you. He just had to have hope.

“Leonardo? Earth to Leonardo? It’s time to go.”

“Right. Come on, guys.”

Only two ‘activities’ ever really cleared Leo’s mind. Patrolling and meditating. He had only recently gotten over feeling guilty over these things. He came to the conclusion that you probably wouldn’t like him being distracted by you when he had other things that needed to be done.

It was a fairly quiet night in the city. Nights like these had used to be hard to come by, but they became more frequent recently.

“Should we grab a pizza or something on the way back, Leo? I’m starving.”

“Yes, Mikey, we can grab a pizza. Now focus.”

“Focus on what? There’s nothing happening here! Should we call it a night?”

Something was in the air. Something was different.

Leonardo held up his arm to silence his brother. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep inhale.

It was familiar.

“Leo, what’s wrong-”

“Quiet!” he snapped.

It was so familiar. A scent that hadn’t filled his nose in years.

There was no way.

He started to run.

Every few blocks, he would stop to take a whiff again and change direction if needed. His heart was pounding. It felt like he was in a dream. He didn’t even care if he was seen or if his brothers were following him. This was now his mission.

The scent brought him to the edge of the city to the docks. It was getting stronger- he knew he was close.

His ninja-side kicked in as he prowled around, hiding behind storage containers. He swore he heard your voice in the sea of noise around him. He stayed quiet.

He chanted your name in his head like a mantra. This had to be it. He had to have found you.

“I told you to leave me alone!”

It was you. He knew it was.

“Quiet, Y/N, don’t need ya attracting unwanted attention. Remember our deal.”

“Fuck our deal. I’m out. Let me go.”

His girl, his Y/N, was being held captive? But most of all, was alive?

Leonardo could no longer contain himself.

He burst out from behind the storage container. He didn’t care if he was to be seen by any number of civilians. He was determined to bring you home. At last.

But when he came out from the shadows, all he could see was Y/N herself doing what she did best. Kicking ass and taking name.

Ten men surrounded her, all wearing similar encrusted jackets and hoods. It wasn’t a gang or anything that he recognized.

When he determined that you could handle yourself, he found himself leaning against the crate, watching in awe. You were stronger. There was no mercy in your eyes. Even in the dim dock light he could see scars dusted along your arms that weren’t there the day you disappeared.

In less than a minute, you were surrounded by the men now moaning and groaning on the floor. Your breath hitched when you saw Leonardo just standing there, watching.

“Leo?”

Your voice sounded so small compared to just a minute ago.

You ran to him like your life depended on it. “Leonardo!”

The ‘no mercy’ look was now replaced with fear and shame as you pressed yourself tightly to his plastron. He wasted no time wrapping his arms tightly around your small form.

“Y/N, where have you been?” He kissed the top of your head. “I thought I lost you.”

“I thought I lost you,” you whispered against him.

[dragynkeep]

Irish-American musician speaking. I just want to say a couple of things (a) i appreciate that other people are at least willing to criticise Jeff (even though i don’t agree that he was copying “ethnic” styles of music because that’s just bullshit and he was just going for a specific feeling, because that’s how music works) and (b) i really appreciate that this blog takes James' character seriously and not whatever the fecking hell the writers think they've done.

i did want to say that i'm really upset about it as a person with an autistic specturm disorder. i doubt the writers (bless their hearts) realised it, but the semblance they gave James is one of the hallmark signs of ASDs, especially in adults and young people. given the way they've always written him until the end of season seven, i really related to him and his struggles for a variety of reasons. i could get just as angry about the way they've portrayed military service (my dad is a similar ranking to the character and has been through some shit) especially given that a lot of people in my family have or are serving, but i get the sense that everyone sees how problematic that demonstration is. the former is a lot more subtle, and it honestly upsets me more.

and then there's all the bullshit surrounding Penny (they should have just left her dead or given Winter the powers to begin with for fuck's sake). firstly, i'm just going to come out and say that i've hated the way they've used vocal music to bash us over the heads with messages the last few volumes. Cinder's TWO (whyyyyyyy) songs in just that one episode this volume were basically narrating what was on screen which took away from the moments and the second one during her fight with her mentor was just plain bad. i thought those two were the worst we were going to get but apparently i was wrong and we get whatever the hell "Friend" is. (although i will say i bet the only reason they threw in that second song for Cinder was because Casey just had to get publicity for her shitty band). but look. i'm lgbtqia myself and it really (especially considering Penny and Ruby's intereactions) felt like queerbaiting/bury your gays but i'll set that aside. making Penny human (a) took away the only unique/interesting thing left about her character and (b) her death was essentially a glorifying suicide "for the greater good" which really slaps in the face of people who have honestly suffered from depression and suicide.

this isn't the first time that they've shyed away from trying to explore serious subjects, but it is particuarly gross because of the song. an earlier example of them doing this is with regard to "the path to isolation" when Casey felt the need to say Weiss has never cut and that she wouldn't do that. while that was (to say the very least) a bit uncomfortable for her to just drop that, it sounded like she just wanted to avoid talking about the subject because it's too dark. i have a lot of problems with Casey and her actions over the years, but i think it's important to note that SHE WROTE PENNY'S SONG. she is the one responsible for this, and she keeps talking about how great it is and how "humbling" the experience was. bitch no. you can't just take only praise and get mad about critisicism to the point where you basically recieve none anymore.

besides, Casey is pretty hard to understand because she STILL doesn't enucniate much when she sings so if she and her dad are going to keep being basically worshipped hand and foot by people while recieving no criticism even where it is due, then they shouldn't be in this or music. part of being a musician is that you SHOULD be critiqued by your peers and even by just casual listeners but that doesn't happen and they (but especially her) don't improve. by no means do i think Casey and Jeff are the worst of CRWBY, but they are part of the problems with tone in the storytelling and they should be critiscised for it more.

oh god this is a long ask & it’s like a month late, please forgive me.

yeah, my issue with the whole jeff issue was never that he was “copying” ethnic music, though there is a discussion to be had when that music comes from closed off cultures like my own & others & how that should be respected, but that this vague claim by someone who’s lied to push their headcanons before was using it to claim ruby & summer were romani coded when there has been anti gypsyism sentiment in crwby before via arryn’s sexualization of us. i simply don’t trust these white americans to write any gypsy ethnic groups’ stories with any sense of respectability & it was on a baseless headcanon anyways so. that frustration was easy enough to let die down.

i also have a lot of issues with how ironwood was treated, especially as a disabled person & some of the fndm’s insistence to treat this fictional military as a 1 to 1 representation of the flawed militaries in our world is just utterly frustrating. especially when they use that to justify theirs & crwby’s ableism towards one of the few disabled characters we had on screen. i don’t have a place to speak on any autistic representation or harm from ironwood or his semblance because i’m not autistic but i am sorry that you were harmed & upset by this portrayal of a semblance that isn’t even canon, because it features nowhere in the text explicitly. hell, ironwood’s va had to be told what his semblance was from a fan. all this harm & hurt & it’s for something that isn’t even featured in the story. ridiculous.

i’m really trying not to waffle on in this ask because it is so long already but yes yes yes. i agree with you completely, the way that songs are crafted for this world & featured into it most of the time doesn’t fit with what we’re shown on screen. weiss’s songs feature a patriarchy & go over the same arc like five times, as well as those lines alluding to self harm. jeff & casey can cry that they didn’t mean it that way but there are certain themes brought to mind with certain wordings & you have to be mindful of this when you write them; we had this same issue with people believing mercury was sexually abused by marcus because “i’m the one” featured the word defiled, which is most used in a sexual context. when we come to learn that it meant his soul was ruined by his father stealing his semblance, that still didn’t erase the sexual allegory & jeff should have been mindful of those types of themes when he’s writing these songs. often times it feels like the songs & the show are giving us two different stories & both give off different meanings & themes.

not being able to take criticism seems like a common theme in crwby, self admittedly from miles himself who said he “wants” to take criticism but doesn’t like it when “it’s done in a mean way.” that criticism has to be fair & nice, which is a solid sentiment, no one’s going to listen if you’re being an asshole but here’s the rub. nothing is ever nice or fair enough for them. they always find a way to turn even the most innocent of criticisms or questions into a personal attack & it’s pathetic. jeff & casey aren’t exempt from this. like you said, part of being a musician is criticism from your peers & much like you don’t need to be a chef to tell if there’s dogshit on your plate, you don’t need to be a writer or a rock star to tell when a story isn’t making sense or a song isn’t good.

& for fucks sake, i’m with you on them needing to enunciate better. i’m hoh, please jeff & casey, it’s hard enough for me to try & listen to songs that i want to enjoy without having to wonder what word you’re mumbling for this third rhyme in bad luck charm. fuck that song’s rhymes.