#( he calls me beautiful like it's my name

[prcphesieslie]

Grace Ryder & Judd Ryder

"lost in love with you is a pretty good place to be."

~ unknown

@lcnelylcves

[tommy-kinard-buckley]

This is even more of chapter 3 of my proudest fic. And for those who are confused there are 2 Carlos's

Carlos was sitting next to Kourtney talking and laughing. Gina was pleased to see him laugh even harder as she dragged everyone behind her into the room. Carlos had been like her older brother since the day they met and she wouldn't trade it for anything. “What has you all smiles and laughter today Carlos? Not that I'm complaining though.” Carlos's laughter slowly died down as he started to speak. “Apparently Mack thought that the argument you and Ricky had at Halloween would end you guys. Kourt was telling me about how she overheard Mack during a phone call.” Gina didn't actually like Mack, she liked the movie role he offered. Mack had made her feel uncomfortable during the first dance. She still got goosebumps just thinking of it. Gina still remembered how Carlos consulted her afterwards. “Thank you again for being there for me that day, Carlos.” TK didn't care much that his sister's friend had the same name as his boyfriend. He cared about what Gina meant by her last sentence. “Wait, what do you mean by that statement? Sis, did this Mack guy do something to you?” TK knew he didn't have a right to ask but wanted to know. “Not in the way you're thinking, no. Shortly after we met 2 months ago we had to dance together. We were rehearsing for hsm4. And during dance rehearsals I had to do an intimate dance with Mack. He touched me in ways and places that made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't complain because it was part of the dance, at least I think it is.” TK both did and didn't want to know what she meant by that. “What do you mean by that? How and where did he touch you? I know I don't have any right to know but I'm still curious.” TK was shocked when it went from Gina he was to to Ricky. He couldn't even remember her asking Ricky to finish the explanation. TK then remembered Gina giving Ricky a pleading look. TK also remembered Ricky nodding at her. “He started with his hand on her outer, upper thigh and sort of slowly dragged his hand up. From the angle I had, it seemed like he caressed her thigh.” TK was about to answer when Carlos asked Ricky a reasonable question about what Ricky had said. “Is it ok if I ask a couple of questions about this?” TK want shocked at all that Carlos was asking. “Yeah of course.” “You and Gina were dating when this happened, right?” TK instantly knew where his boyfriend was going with his questions. “Yes we were secretly dating at the time.” TK made a silent ‘that makes sense’ gesture. “Well, that kinda answers my second question.” TK noticed Ricky and Gina silently communicating. He found it cute that they knew each other so well. Gina signaled for us to follow her to go sit down. Jet and Ricky sat next to Carlos while we sat with Kourtney. When the teacher walked TK and Judd thought that she was another student, not a teacher. “hello and good afternoon my beautiful children, and random people, how is everybody today?” they saw how Gina smiled when the woman walked in. “I am better than I have been in a couple of weeks, Miss Jenn. I'm sorry I didn't warn you about the guests by the way.” TK and Judd looked at each other shocked when Gina called her Miss Jenn. They both thought that Miss Jenn looked way too young to be a drama teacher. “It's alright, sweetheart. How about you introduce them to us now?” TK noticed how Miss Jenn had an extreme motherly kind of way about her. He had no idea why but the way she talked calmed him. “Of course. You guys, this is Carlos, Judd, his wife Grace, Tommy, Paul, Mateo, Nancy and Marjan. Lastly these 2 are my dad, Owen and my brother, TK.” The girl they were sitting next to turned slightly and waved at them and mouthed hello. “Wow that is a lot of people. It is nice to meet all of you, I am Jennifer the drama teacher. Now that our musical is saved I wanted to have some fun. How about we all share stories of how we got here? Ashlyn can start us off.” Gina was the last one and her story was quite surprising to everyone.

@goodways @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @carlos-in-glasses @paperstorm @reyesstrand

[blushyh]

3x04 thoughts, because this was a beautiful episode and i loved it so much

seeing carlos cry made me sob

rafael did such a beautiful job in this episode and he deserves the world

i’m happy that we finally know why tarlos broke up

that scene where tk wakes up from the coma makes me want to sob just thinking about it, it was the most beautiful scene

‘hi baby’

‘breath.. breath, breath’

tk saying ‘love you’ when carlos took his hand will be the death of me

the scenes of grace giving birth, i am still crying

also grace standing up to billy and calling him out for all the crap we did, we love a strong woman

the baby’s name being charlie broke my heart into a billion pieces

i hate that tommy blames herself for what happened to tk

the 126 being back together is the only thing keeping me together

the friendship between judd, paul and mateo is everything that i ever needed and more

marjan saving the day and owens ass !!!

seeing everyone back together and so happy is the most beautiful thing i have seen in my life

i love them all so much

didn’t really like how owen reacted to tk being in the hospital and made it completely about himself

completely did not understand the end scene of the episode with owen but that might just be me

i hate billy but i also don’t really hate billy

the scene of carlos and tk in their new home was magical

i love carlos with my whole entire heart

i know i said it before but the hospital scene where tk wakes up will forever be my favourite scene, it was just so stupidly beautiful

i hope they do actually discuss the break up though and the way carlos felt about it

also i did in face start crying when carlos talked about tk breaking his heart to nancy and honestly didn’t stop crying until the end of the episode

this absolutely has to be my favourite lone star episode

[avacoleman]

More from the What-if-TK-didn’t-move-to-Austin fic. This snippet is from a Friendsgiving scene. So much pining, good lord. 

TK immediately scans the room for Carlos and finds him seated in the living room having a conversation with Marjan and Paul. TK is practically frozen in his spot as he watches him. Carlos looks so beautiful tonight, impeccably filling out a maroon colored button down, his hair slicked back.

It’s a polished look but it’s contrasted by the ease to which Carlos carries himself, expression open and free as he laughs at something Marjan has just said. He shakes his head and looks away from her and it’s then that Carlos notices him.

Still coming down off his laughter, TK is met with the brightest smile from Carlos. TK feels a sharp tug in the pit of his stomach as Carlos gets up and crosses the room to him.

TK tries not to ogle him but it’s far easier said than done as he takes in the fit of Carlos’ black pants, the way they cling to his thighs. It’s just not fair the way this man seems to exist just to wreck him.

TK pulls himself together quickly enough to find the ability to speak as Carlos comes up to him and envelopes him in a hug. His fingers splay against Carlos’ back, pressing softly to hard muscle.

“I’m glad you were able to come down here for this,” Carlos says against the shell of his ear.

TK makes the mistake of breathing him in, his head instantly becoming a riot.

He pulls back and manages a smile.

“There was no way I was going to miss it.”

Carlos beams at him and TK knows his sanity is going to be fully tested tonight.

Carlos leads them back to the sofa and takes the seat he vacated, moving over enough to give TK space to sit too. It leaves TK with his thigh pressed against Carlos’, making it very difficult for him to pay attention to any of the conversation the group is having.

To his credit, he’s able to laugh or smile at just the right moments.

Judd gets everyone’s attention, not a moment too soon, and announces that it’s time to eat. He calls everyone to gather in the dining room to bless the meal.

In the shuffle of bodies, TK gets separated from Carlos but his eyes find him as they form around the table.

“Floor’s all yours, Mrs. Ryder,” Judd says with a flourish of his hand towards Grace.

“Oh, so you’re gonna make me do it then, huh?” she quips.

“Well, your name is Grace, ain’t it?” Judd teases, getting a laugh out of everyone, Grace included. 

She playfully swats his stomach and Judd takes a hold of her hand, linking their fingers and bringing her hand to his lips. TK smiles softly to himself as he watches them, the familiarity and comfort to which they simply exist together.

TK’s eyes land on Carlos and he finds him looking at the couple with a fond smile on his face. Carlos looks away from them and right at TK whose face flushes from being caught staring.

Grace begins the prayer and TK knows he should be paying attention and bowing his head like everyone else but Grace’s words are more like static in his ears as his eyes seek out Carlos again.

He catches words like blessed, friends, and family. He dials back in just as Grace concludes.

“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful. Amen.”

The group echoes her and immediately side conversations break out at the table. 

It’s easy to picture what life could have been like for him had he moved with his father. Though he only sees this collection of people every now and then, they’ve come to mean a great deal to him.

Mateo engages Carlos in conversation and from the looks of things, the young firefighter is very excited, hands flailing about as he speaks. 

Carlos, no doubt feeling TK’s gaze, gives him a small smile from across the table. TK feels his heart race as he smiles back.

“Oh my god,” Paul groans beside him.

TK’s brows furrow in concern.

“Everything alright?”

“I should be asking you that, man. If this is killing me, I know you’ve got to be suffering,” he says, loading mashed potatoes onto his plate.

“Wait, what are you talking about?”

Paul rolls his eyes jokingly and laughs.

“You and Carlos. You two aren’t exactly subtle.”

“We’re just friends,” TK says defensively.

Paul snorts out a laugh.

“Yeah, because nothing says strictly friends like exchanging heart eyes every time you’re in the same room together. You guys are practically cartoon characters.”

TK elbows Paul in the side, earning a laugh from the man. TK follows suit and begins fixing his plate.

“I know I have a talent for picking up on people’s tells but anyone could see it between you two. One of you needs to go for it. Take yourselves out of this misery and get together already.”

This now makes it three people who have voiced their suspicion that this crush wasn’t one-sided.

Either Carlos could see it too and was just scared of making a move like him or Carlos could see it too and was opting out. The latter makes his stomach turn at the mere thought.

[angstyjellybean]

9-1-1 Lonestar Push

✨spoilers✨

Gracie my love

I love that she keeps calling him a weasel

At least he’s attempting to keep it light

TK is such a child

How do we know what hair tastes like?

Love the causal death wall break

Shut up you inconsiderate biotches

At first I thought he went back to the cabin

Why must my family talk to me only when the show is on..

I love Paul and Marjans relationship

We finally get some Carlos time

Los….

WE NEED BACKGROUND INFO

Papa strand

If they do kill TK I’m fighting

If they hurt Grace or that baby I will go to war

You choose now to tell your mother that you broke up?!

I love his mom

Of course he knows how to siphon too

Please by pure gods Grace (intended) that they drive the same road

Got me tearing up

Go Billy go Billy go

Mother knows best baby boy

Is it just the “The End” rooms that have doors like that?

Oh good lord… man down

Well Juddy she’s slightly alone right now

Oof read him babe

Yes Rafa act your ass off

He can hear him!!

Not her talking about the hoodies

He got them an apartment…

DUDE YOU SAID YOU LIKED THE APARTMENT HE THOUGHT YOUD LIKE IT

You did blow it up

TK baby… he loves you

GRACE YOU WENT OUTSIDE FOR SNOW IN YOUR STATE

That’s how you know she’s serious

Please find them please please please

Put your sirens on!!

WE LOVE YOU THANK GOD

PRAISE BE

He’s coming my love he’s coming

Yup I’m crying god I love them

HELLS TO THE YES

That nurse could’ve gone from the other side

THAT IS NO NEW BORN BABY GOOD LORD YOURE A MEDICAL SHOW THAT BABY WOULD BE COVERED

Everyone is acting their asses of this episode and it is hitting me

WE GET THEM BACK

Oh it’s beautiful

Damn Los you’re a great decorator

Wait didn’t his bike burn in the fire? Did he get a new one

YES FUCK YES

She is so cute

What’s her name??

Oh my god I’m gone cry again with my mother in the room

My mom even said that’s big for a newborn

You were a great firehouse ♥️

The whole family

Everyone looks beautiful

WAS IT PAUL AND HIS SUGAR FAMILY

IT WAS

Look at them dressed up and now I’m crying because of that because it’s reminding me of my uncle

Them walking with the fire truck is getting me too

She’s so cute I can’t

He don’t know how to hold a baby

MOM AND THE BABY

He’s such a momma boy

TK dancing with the baby ♥️♥️

Papa Judd

OH MY LORD TK BABY AND CARLOS MY HEART

Why does Owen look so gloom?

[disasterfandoms]

This is Your Home Now ~ The Ryders x teen!reader imagine

@atjafshelby​ requested: “Okay so I was thinking maybe a teenage reader who was like Judd as a child, gets in trouble and needs help and stuff. But maybe she lives on her own so Grace and Judd take her in and try to help her? No rush though, thank you!!❤️”

A/N: I appreciate you sending me a complex ask. I’ll be honest, I had no idea how i was going to write this one when I first saw it. I tweaked it a tiny bit, and instead of being on their own the reader is in a group home. This may be part 1 if anyone is interested in part 2?

TW: foster care, mentions of violence, mentions of therapy.

Your POV:

Sitting in the principal’s office, you began to take in the various lame quotes around the room. “You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take” sure, whatever.

“You have to look through the rain to see the rainbow” this has to be the worst one of all. What rainbow? and why go through hell to be able to see a prism of light in the sky?

The door shuts loudly, pulling you from your thoughts. You roll your eyes when you see your social worker walking in with the principal.

“So, Y/N, you’ve been getting into more fights recently, including earlier today when you struck another student in the face for saying something about your family,” your principal read from the file, then looked up at you, “Anything you’d like to say for yourself?”

”yeah, they deserved it,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes at him again. Everyone here should know by now the topic of your parents is off limits, especially what he said about them. 

“Just because someone says something you don’t like doesn’t mean you can assault them.” Your social worker scolded, probably hating her life for having to deal with you. 

They went on lecturing you for another 20 minutes, but at that point you zoned out, focusing on the view out the window behind your principal. It was sunny outside, the trees on the outskirts of school grounds blowing slightly with the wind. You could see people walking out there, and instantly wanted to be anywhere but here, supposedly listening to how you’re a screw-up and if you “don’t get your act together” you’ll “never have a future.”

“Y/n, what do you think about the compromise?”

You snapped your head to the principal, trying to figure out what all you missed in the last few minutes so you could figure out to answer appropriately. You studied his face, before deciding agreeing would be the quickest road. How wrong you were, you wouldn’t have the faintest idea until an hour later.

“Sounds good to me, as long as I can go back to class. Ms. Neal is teaching about the wage gap and I want to see conservative boys lose their ever-loving mind.” you smiled, hoping they buy it for now. They both nod their heads, then you stand up to leave. 

“I’ll see you after school, Y/N,” your social worker spoke confidently, seemingly proud of herself for her part in the supposed compromise. With that, you left the two adults to work out the details amongst themselves.

Going to Ms. Neal’s class quickly, you started to wonder what you agreed to. It had to be something significant if you weren’t getting in trouble for giving the star of the baseball team a black eye, which he deserved, by the way. 

Class went by as a blur, your attention focusing in and out on class, except when it came time to debate your stance on the issue of the class. You loved to argue, especially with privileged, snotty teens who don’t know how well they had it. You were good at it too, you could be a lawyer if you had any shot of a successful life.

Sooner than you’d like, class was over, and you started to get up and leave. You were too occupied with making sure you had everything that you didn’t realize you were making a beeline into your social worker.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!”

“Hey, watch it!” You both say simultaneously, backing up and looking at who ran into you.

“Oh, there you are Y/N! Come on, I’m driving you back to the home to pack up your things” She signaled with her hand to come with her, and you obliged, confused.

“Pack my things? Why?” You asked while walking to your car. You know you’ve been in trouble recently, but being kicked out of the group home seemed a little extreme.

“Did you listen to the compromise at all when were talking about it? Before you agreed to it?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

“Not really, just figured agreeing would get me in the least trouble,” you replied, and you could see her smile a little as she shook her head at you.

“This last fight isn’t going on your permanent record, as long as you get anger management classes, and move out of the group home and into a foster situation with two loving people who know how to handle situations like yours,” 

“Crap, I really should listen more.” You sighed and leaned your head on the window. You didn’t see how moving you out of the group home would help at all, it’s more change and more adjustment, and you were tired of both.

“Want to know about the couple?” You social worker asked you, but you barely heard her. You shook your head and put a headphone in, hoping this wasn’t a mistake.

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Judd’s POV:

“Are we sure about this, Gracie?” Judd asks, pacing between the living room and the kitchen, pausing every now and then to look at his wife. He stopped, turned to her, and rubbed his face before putting both hands behind his head, cradling it as he thinks about everything that could go wrong with this.

He knew they both wanted kids, and adoption seemed to be their only hope due to ther infertility troubles. But still, he argued to himself, a teenager? With this kid’s anger management issues, stubbornness, and troubled past, this isn’t what he necessarily had in mind.

“Yes, Judd, we’re sure. This kid needs our help, and a stable home to thrive. I understand you’re nervous, I am too, but we’ve been doing our research and interviewing with child protective services for months, and now they’re gracing us with a child that needs us.” Grace had walked over to him at this point, and taken his hands into hers. He looked into those beautiful, rust colored eyes of hers and took a deep breath. He knew she was right, she usually is, but he was still nervous.

He wrapped his arms around her, leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. “I love you,” he whispered. She looked up at him, grabbed the nape of his neck, and kissed him lovingly. After a few seconds, she broke away, and whispered, “I love you too, handsome.”

Before anything could further along, the doorbell rang. The two looked at each other, took a deep breath, and walked to the door. Grace opened the door, and they both saw the social worker, Malia, with a teenager that looked less than happy to be on their doorstep.

Judd quickly scanned the teen, noticing the frown on their face and the bruised knuckles they were sporting on their right hand. They had a suitcase in the other hand, and looked short in stature. Everyone looks short to Judd, though. 

“Hi Malia, Y/N, please come in.” Grace states, welcoming their guest and their now-forster child into their home. Once the social worker guided Y/N in, the pair sat on the couch while Judd and Grace sat on the other, clasping their hands together and looking at the child who’ll be staying with them, being nurtured by them, for next couple years.

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Your POV:

The house is nice, you thought to yourself as you sit on the couch, waiting for someone to speak to you. You look at them, whose names you aren’t aware of yet, and study their features. The man was tall, and you can tell he’s been working for a while due to his build and the scratches and burns on his hands. The woman is much smaller, and seems softer, but you can tell they love each other just by the way they can’t keep their hands off each other.

“Judd, Grace, this is Y/N. Now, I know the department have given you their file, but do you have any questions about their history, or anything I can answer?” Malia asked, putting her hands in her lap. At least you know their names now, you thought to yourself.

“I don’t think so, ma’am. You’re welcome to stay for supper, though. Y?N, is there any allergies or diet restrictions we need to know about?” The woman, Grace, you remind yourself, asks. She smiles at you as she asks, and she has a pretty smile. You start to wonder why they wanted to take in someone like you.

“No ma’am, thank you for asking though. Can one of y’all show me to my room, though? I’d like to unpack and start on homework before supper.” You try to be polite, not knowing who they are once the social worker. Better to be safe than sorry, right?

“Of course, I’ll show you up there, and let you get settled.” Judd offers, standing up to guide you to where you’ll sleep.

You go up the stairs, and are impressed by what you see. This is better than the group home, at the very least. You head down the corridor he’s taking you through, and walk into a moderately sized room that had a full-sized bed, two nightstands, a dresser, closet, desk with a chair, and a door to what you assume is a bathroom.

“Take all the time you need to settle in. This weekend we’ll all go shopping and you can buy decorations for your room. Once supper is ready, we’ll call you downstairs to eat, get to know each other better. Alright?” He asked, looking as if he expected you to answer. You quickly nodded, and got to putting away your things and taking in the space. Maybe you actually belong here.

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Once supper was ready, you were called down, you stumbled down the kitchen, washed your hands, and then took a seat at the table. Malia had left, hopefully to bother another kid and leave you alone, and you sat there quietly, eating the dinner they prepared.

“So, Y/N, is there any hobbies you enjoy? Anything we can look into getting you, like an easel or a video game?” Grace asks, making conversation.

“Why do you care? It’s not like I’m your kid,” You rolled your eyes, then looked down and played with your food. You wouldn’t let yourself get attached to the idea of having people truly care about you, especially not now.

“Hey, you-” Judd started to raise his voice, but Grace cut him off with holding her index finger up to him, then spoke.

“Y/N, I know this is all too new for you still. You don’t know us, you do not know our intentions, and you’re past makes it especially hard for you to believe anyone would love you and care for you. But, and I mean this, this is your home now, Y/N, and we will not abandon you, no matter the obstacles ahead,” she paused, and looked to her husband. Judd nodded, and took a deep breath.

“Y/N, I was just like you when I was your age. I was going through somethin’, and it left me violent and not knowing who to trust. We want you here so we can help you through the hurt you’ve been through, and make you into the young adult we can already see inside you. We have two rules, don’t disrespect us, and be honest with us. Got it?”

“Got it,” you spoke quietly. The rest of the dinner was quiet, and afterwards you went upstairs to your room, lying on the bed, thinking about how this is going to be good for you. Maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.

[bellakitse]

Take Me Back to the Start

“I thought our fight was going to be our last words to each other,” he whispers, his eyes filling up. “I’m so damn sorry, baby.”

Carlos looks into those green eyes, wet with unshed tears and relief, and frowns. “I’m sorry, but who are you?” he asks and watches with growing dread as those eyes widen with shock and fear.

+

Carlos is in a car accident and forgets the last three and half years of his life.

M | 15.4K | AO3

Everything hurts.

That’s the first real thought Carlos has as he squints up at the lights over his bed through sore eyes. He can’t remember ever aching this much everywhere at once. He’s pretty sure even his hair aches, something he didn’t think was medically possible, but here he is, lying on what he’s sure is a hospital bed, and everything fucking hurts.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he tries to take inventory of the damage. His head is pounding, and when he moves it, he feels a tug over his brow that tells him there is a bandage there. Looking down without trying to lift his head, he catches a glimpse of a soft cast on his left arm from his wrist to his elbow. He tries to sit up to take in the rest of his body, only to let out a hiss when his ribs scream in protest at his sudden movement. Focusing on his breathing, it takes him a second to realize there is someone else in the room with him with their hand on his shoulder, helping him lay back down.

“Hey, hey, hey, slowly, Carlos,” he’s told with a gentle but urgent voice. “You have three cracked ribs from the accident. You can’t be moving like that right now.”

“Accident?” he questions through gritted teeth waiting for the wave of pain to pass. He gets a wince in return for his question.

“You flipped your car,” is the answer he receives. “The roads were wet, and we think an animal crossed your path. You swerved to avoid it, lost control of the Camaro, went off the side of the road, and flipped.”

“Jesus,” he whispers. He clenches his right hand as he tries to recall the accident described to him and comes up empty.

“I really thought I lost you.”

He turns his head at the words, finding beautiful green eyes pained and worried as they stare back at him.

“When I got the call,” he continues, letting out a shaky breath while running an even more trembling hand through his brown hair. “I thought our fight was going to be our last words to each other,” he whispers, his eyes filling up. “I’m so damn sorry, baby.”

Carlos looks into those green eyes, wet with unshed tears and relief, and frowns. “I’m sorry, but who are you?” he asks and watches with growing dread as those eyes widen with shock and fear.

 ֎֎֎

 His retrograde amnesia, the doctors say, is brought on by his head injury during the accident. They have high hopes it’s temporary, but they can’t know for sure.

All they can do is wait, he’s told in hopeful tones, and while he can appreciate the optimism, all that means to Carlos right now is that he’s lost years of his life. He woke up thinking it was 2019, and instead, it’s 2023.

He gets the cliff notes version of the state of the world. Global pandemic in 2020, bad. Trump lost reelection, awesome. Michelle found Iris alive, a miracle. She left town to go help others like her sister, admirable.

The guy with the pretty green eyes sits in the corner of his hospital room silently while Carlos’ parents catch him up on things. Carlos’ eyes stray to him more than once, always finding his gaze on him as he nervously bites down on his lip.

“Do you know who TK is, son?” his father asks softly, turning towards the man in question. His mother has walked over to stand next to this TK, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder as he flinches when Carlos shakes his head, letting them know he doesn’t.

It’s strange and frustrating. It’s evident by the sympathetic looks they give the stranger and how his mother rubs his back that the man is someone they care about. Someone who is connected to Carlos, and no one needs to say out loud how for him to read between the lines.

TK’s broken expression as he stares at him – what he’d said when Carlos first woke up, lets him know what he needs to know. He and TK are involved.

That part isn’t necessarily shocking. His life might be suddenly turned upside down and his memory in shambles, but he has eyes, and TK is breathtakingly beautiful. He imagines that he took one look into those pretty green eyes and lost all thought of anything else.

What’s hard to imagine is a relationship where his parents are obviously well acquainted with someone he’s involved with.

“I don’t remember,” he says softly, feeling horrible at the choked sound TK lets out as he stands up from his chair. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, staring at the man across the room with regret.

“It’s okay,” TK answers with a wobbly smile that fools no one in the room. Finally, he exhales loudly, his eyes straying for the door. “I think I need some air,” he says, already turning on his heel, ignoring Carlos’ parents when they both say his name, leaving them alone in Carlos’ room.

“I’m sorry,” Carlos repeats quietly as the room is left in silence after TK’s abrupt exit.

His mother comes over to him while his father shakes his head at him. “Don’t apologize, mijo,” he says gently. “This isn’t your fault, and no one understands that better than TK. No one blames you for this.”

“He’s hurting,” Carlos points out. He might not remember TK, but the man’s expression hides nothing. On the contrary, his pain has been visible since the moment Carlos first opened his eyes.

“He loves you, Carlitos,” his mother says instead of denying his words. Her expression is achingly sad as she takes his hand, giving it a soft pat. “And he’s scared.”

Carlos doesn’t say out loud he’s scared too. There is a gaping hole in his memory in the shape of a man his mother claims loves him, a man who pulls at him in a way he can’t understand, and Carlos is terrified he’ll never know if he can’t remember him.

 ֎֎֎

 A slew of unfamiliar faces visits him. Paul, Marjan, Nancy, Mateo, Tommy, and TK’s father, Owen. He politely answers when they ask him how he’s doing and apologizes when he has trouble remembering their names. He gets waved off in return as they smile compassionately and tell him they’re just glad he’s okay. That it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know them even though they’re supposedly his friends – they’re just happy he’s alive.

He gets visited by Judd and Grace Ryder, and while he does remember them, it startles him to realize they are his friends now too. He remembers Judd from the 126 and is struck when he’s told the old crew is all gone. He can’t imagine what that must have been like for Judd, and he tells him so.

The tall man gives him a saddened smile that tells Carlos it’s still a pain that lingers. Judd tells him having his new team helps with that grief and how thankful he is that Owen and TK Strand decided to come to Austin years ago to rebuild the firehouse, giving Judd and the others a new family.

He sits up straighter at the mention of TK. He hasn’t seen much of him in the last few days, at least not while he’s awake. The guy is obviously giving Carlos space, but Carlos has caught him more than once at night when he is half-asleep checking in on him.

Carlos has taken to playing possum to not scare him off.

“Is that how we met?” he asks Judd. “Me and TK,” he clears up when Judd gives him a confused squint of his eyes. “Did he and I meet on the job?”

Judd and Grace share a look between each other.

“You really don’t remember anything about him, sweetheart?” Grace asks softly, her eyes pitying when he shakes his head.

“Man, I can’t imagine what that must feel like,” Judd says with a harsh exhale. “Poor kid must be losing his mind without you.”

He must make a face at that because Grace elbows Judd in his side hard in response.

“Not that it’s your fault, man,” Judd rushes to comfort him. “This was just really shitty luck. But you and TK have been through worse. You’ll get through this.”

Carlos swallows hard at the conviction in his friend’s voice. “My mother says he loves me,” he questions, still having a hard time believing it himself. While parts are missing from his mind, he does remember that there was never anyone serious in his life. No one who stuck around long enough for him to love, let alone love him back.

“He does, very much,” Grace says with a smile on her pretty face. “And you love him back just as much.”

“You’re actually pretty sickeningly cute together,” Judd tells him. “Always in your own little world where only the two of you exist,” he continues, getting a fond eye-roll from his wife. “It makes the rest of us want to pour water over the two of you, but after three years, we’ve learned to live with it.”

“Judson,” Grace scolds her husband softly, but Carlos tunes them out as he files away another piece of the puzzle.

Three years.

 ֎֎֎

 He gets discharged from the hospital two weeks later. His ribs are bruised but healing, as is his arm. The scratches and bruises on his body are mostly faded. He greets the news of his release with barely restrained glee – already half out of his mind after spending so many days in the hospital.

“You’ll come stay with us, Carlitos,” his mother says with a smile that feels over the top. “It will be so nice to spoil you.”

He looks from her to his father and then finally to TK, who is actually there during his waking hours for once. He takes in his rod-straight posture as he stands at the end of his bed, his jaw clenched.

Carlos raises an eyebrow at him. “You’re okay with me going home with my parents and not you?” he challenges, barely holding back a sharp grin when it startles the man in question.

“I want you to feel comfortable,” TK answers after a moment.

“You’re my boyfriend,” he shoots back, only slightly stumbling over the last word. “I should be comfortable with you, shouldn’t I?”

“You don’t know me,” TK points out, his jaw tightening even further, and Carlos has the urge to touch at the edges, to run his thumb over the smooth-looking skin until TK stops grinding his teeth.

Instead of soothing him, though, Carlos shrugs a shoulder at him, seeming more unbothered than he actually feels. “Maybe if you didn’t just visit me when you think I’m asleep these last two weeks, I’d know you.”

TK’s mouth drops, his eyes going wide as he sputters, and Carlos has to ignore the little vicious voice in his head that cheers at the reaction. Instead, he turns to his parents, giving them a shake of his head.

“If I’m going to remember my life, then I should probably start living that life,” he reasons, holding up a hand when his mother tries to speak. “And as far as I know, I wasn’t living with my parents when the accident happened,” he lets the statement hang, waiting to see if anyone will correct him. “I thought so. I’m going home, to my home.”

He looks back over at TK, finding his eyes locked on him once more. There is so much going on behind those eyes. Too much for Carlos to read it all when the man continues to be a stranger to him, but there is one thing Carlos does recognize. Tentative hope.

“So,” he starts, raising his eyebrow once more as he drags out the word. “Are you gonna give me a ride back to our place or not?”

 ֎֎֎

 “This isn’t the way home,” he points out the next day from the passenger’s seat of TK’s Ranger. The ride has been mostly silent except for the radio playing. His discharge had also been quiet, his parents doing most of the talking while they waited for his doctors to sign off on his papers. They’d made TK and him promise to call if they needed anything while also letting them know they would be checking in on them often. “You missed the turn on Lynwood,” he says, pointing back at the avenue.

TK makes a face, something very much like a grimace. “Yeah,” he starts to say slowly. “We don’t live there anymore – haven’t for a while actually.”

“We moved?” he questions, surprised. His place had been big enough for two people. More than enough for a couple just starting to live together. “Did you not like it?”

“I loved that house,” TK answers, turning to look at him. “I was so happy when you asked me to move in,” he continues softly. He gives him a sad smile. “But there was a fire, and we lost it.”

“A fire?” he repeats, swallowing hard at the sudden inexplicable fear he feels. TK looks over at him again, going instantly on alert. He takes a hand off the wheel, reaching halfway towards Carlos before coming to a halt.

Carlos watches as the hand hangs mid-air for a moment, feeling a twinge under his ribcage when TK drops it back on his lap instead of touching Carlos.

“We were in it,” he realizes, sure of it as something flashes through his mind, and he swears he can feel the heat and smell the smoke.

TK bites down on his bottom lip, his eyes focused on the road. Then, finally, he gives him a sharp nod but says nothing.

“We almost didn’t make it,” he continues, exhaling slowly, trying to bring his racing heart back down. “It messed me up for a while, didn’t it?”

TK pulls into a quiet street with modest two-story houses. He passes four of them before turning into the driveway of a moss-green house with a brown roof. Turning off the car, TK twists in his seat to look at him. “It did,” he answers honestly. “It got really close, and we almost didn’t make it out. We were shaken up for a long time, and as a result, there is a fire extinguisher in just about every room of this house, which you have me check to make sure they’re all in working order every couple of months.”

TK lets out a breath, raising a hand to run it through his hair. “But we got through it, and we found this place,” he points at the house. “And we fell in love with making new memories in it.”

Memories Carlos can’t remember. Neither have to say it out loud; the words ring out through the car regardless.

“It’s green,” he points out for lack of anything else to say. TK smiles, and for the first time since Carlos opened his eyes, it’s not brittle at the edges.

“To match my eyes,” he says softly, his voice sounding far away. He shrugs at him when Carlos gives him a questioning glance. “Your words, man,” he says, smiling again when Carlos wrinkles his nose at him. “Yeah, you’re kind of a sap that way. Come on.”

Carlos follows TK out of the car and up the steps of the house. Standing on the porch, he spots a swing. “My parents’ house has one of those,” he points at the padded bench. “I always wanted one for my house too.”

“I know,” TK says with a slight smile as he looks over at the porch swing. “You told me when we were looking for a new place to live. So I had it installed a few days before we officially moved in to surprise you.”

TK’s smile grows as he gets lost in the memory. “We spent most of our first night here on it instead of opening boxes. Eventually, I started to fall asleep on you, and you – “

TK trails off frowning, shaking his head at himself as he turns back to open the door.

“I what?” he asks. He puts his hand on TK’s forearm to keep him from turning the lock, swallowing when TK’s eyes thunder up to look at him, surprised by his touch. Carlos realizes he hasn’t done that before and resists the instinct to take his hand off. “I what, TK?” he asks again, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You carried me inside and put me to bed,” TK whispers back. He blinks, but that doesn’t keep Carlos from seeing the sudden sheen in his eyes. Clearing his throat, he turns towards the door once more, opening it. “You’ve always been really good about taking care of me.”

TK takes a step forward, and Carlos lets his hold on him slip away. Following him, he finds himself in the middle of a living room painted in light colors instead of the dark walls he remembers from his other place. There are pictures and knick-knacks everywhere, plants at each corner of the room. The place looks well lived-in and busier than his usual style. His face must show some of what he’s thinking because TK snickers.

“Yeah,” he says with a smirk. “It took you a while to get used to my particular brand of chaos.”

Carlos walks over to the fireplace, finding it full of little trinkets. “This is all you?” he questions.

“You have bought me a lot of them,” TK answers with a shrug. He points at a small bronze bee next to a detailed firetruck. “That one you got for me because you thought it matched my tattoo.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow at him as TK just shrugs at him again.

“Like I said, you’ve gotten used to my love for random stuff.”

“You mean I’ve gotten used to the fact that you’re a hoarder,” he tells him, smiling when TK lets out an offended gasp.

“Rude,” TK grumbles, but Carlos is pleased to see it’s said with a smile. TK hasn’t done much of that around him, understandably, and it makes Carlos ridiculously happy to be the cause of it now. It must show by the way TK’s expression softens as he looks at him.

“Do you want me to show you the rest of the house, or do you want to eat something first?” he asks, tilting his head to the side. “You haven’t eaten since the hospital this morning.”

“I could eat,” Carlos answers with a nod, his stomach grumbling at the suggestion. All he had this morning was the muffin on his food tray, too anxious to leave the hospital to eat anything else.

TK nods for him to follow him, leading him towards the kitchen. “You’re in luck. Grace dropped off a casserole last night, so you won’t be subjected to my cooking.”

Carlos leans against a marble counter, looking around at the beautiful kitchen, not a pot out of place, and knows instantly it’s his domain.

“You don’t cook?” he asks, getting a face back as TK pulls a glass dish out of the fridge.

“I mean, I wouldn’t starve,” he says as he turns on the oven, flashing him an amused grin over his shoulder. “And I have picked up some tricks from you. But we’ve both agreed it’s safer for our house and stomachs if you do the bulk of the cooking.”

Carlos smiles at the comment, entertained by it.

“This will take a bit to heat up,” TK gestures towards the oven. “Let me show you the upstairs.”

Carlos nods, trailing TK back out of the kitchen and up a set of stairs. He follows him as he shows him a room that seems to be part guestroom, part library, before continuing towards the end of the hall towards a master bedroom with a large bathroom attached.

“This bedroom is yours. I’ll be sleeping in the other room for now,” TK comments, standing back as Carlos looks around. From the open closet displaying their clothes together to the top of a black drawer with a series of pictures of them. Everything about the room tells the story of their life together.

Carlos picks up a picture frame. In it is a picture of him and TK on vacation going off the beach in the background. TK has a big silly hat on and a coconut drink in his hand, while Carlos has his arm wrapped around him, pressing a kiss into the man’s cheek. Both are smiling wide.

“That was Cancun a year ago,” TK says softly as he comes to stand next to him, looking down at the picture with him. “I surprised you with the trip and had to practically tape my mouth shut to not spill the beans before everything was ready. I’m not very good at keeping secrets, much less from you.”

Carlos looks over at TK, giving him a once-over. “You have no poker face,” he realizes, sure of it. TK proves him right by the startled look he gives him, letting out a huff a moment later.

“You always say that,” he tells him with an eye roll. “I just don’t see a reason to keep anything from my best friend and the love of my life.”

Carlos’ breath catches at TK’s description of him. “Is that what I am to you?”

“Yes,” TK answers without hesitation.

“We look so happy,” he says as he looks back down at the picture. There is no doubt in his mind as he looks at their smiles that he is in love with the man in the photograph.

“We are happy,” TK answers. He wavers for a second but then covers his hand holding the frame, and Carlos feels a shock go through him at the touch. “We have our moments like any other couple, sure, but we’re so damn happy, Carlos.”

Carlos twists towards TK, turning his hand to hold onto his. “I’m sorry,” he blurts out desperately, blinking back the stinging in his eyes at the loss he feels acutely, even if he can’t recall what he’s lost. “I’m sorry I can’t remember us.”

TK shakes his head at him, pulling him into his arms, careful of Carlos’ cast. “This is not your fault,” TK whispers firmly in his ear as he cradles the back of his head. Carlos sinks into his embrace, taking comfort in it. “We’re going to figure this out, Carlos,” TK continues as he pulls back to look at him. “I’m not saying it’s easy to look in your eyes and see very little recognition, but I’m not giving up on you or us.”

Carlos doesn’t know what to say to that, and it seems he doesn’t have to. TK gives him a small smile, pulling out of their hug while Carlos has to bite his tongue to keep from protesting as he loses TK’s touch, leaving him feeling cold.

“Come on,” he says softly, taking a step back. “The casserole should be warmed up by now.”

He follows TK back downstairs, watching him as he moves around their kitchen, serving up their meal, grabbing glasses when he points at the cabinet where they’re kept.

They sit down to eat the casserole quietly. It’s good, but Carlos barely tastes it, more preoccupied with sneaking looks at TK.

“You’re burning holes into me, Reyes,” TK says dryly as he looks up from his plate. “You know you can ask me whatever you want, right?” he questions gently. “I’m an open book. You just have to ask.”

“How did we meet?” Carlos questions instantly, dozens of questions ready to go on the tip of his tongue. TK seems to realize this by the smile on his face.

“On the job,” he says softly. “There was a car accident, a mother and son. We were the answering firehouse; you were the cop on the scene.”

“How long have you been a firefighter?” he asks, causing TK to wrinkle his nose at him.

“I’m not one anymore,” he answers. “I was one for over seven years between New York and here. But after almost a year in Austin, I switched from Fire to Rescue. I’m a paramedic now with Nancy and Tommy. You met them, right?”

Carlos nods, recalling the two women visiting him at the hospital.

“Tommy is my Captain, Nancy, my partner,” he continues with a smile that speaks of fondness for the women in question. “I became a firefighter in large part because I wanted to be like my dad, and I loved being one, but I always felt like something was missing. Becoming a paramedic was like finding the missing piece to the puzzle, you know?”

Carlos gives TK an understanding look, pausing for a moment before he asks his next question. “Did I ask you out, or did you ask me out?”

“Oh man,” TK chuckles, his cheeks turning slightly pink. Reaching for his glass, he takes a sip of water. “You need to understand that we didn’t start so easily as going on a date.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow at that, earning another smile from TK, this one bashful.

“Okay,” he starts, exhaling loudly. “So our story goes like this – ”

Carlos listens as TK tells him of Michelle inviting his team to the local honky-tonk after rescuing the mother and child from the car accident. He tells him about Carlos walking up to him in a ridiculously tight shirt and asking him to dance. He blushes as TK shoots him a look, telling him he looked so hot. And blushes even further when TK tells him of the two of them sneaking off to make out in the bar bathroom, exchanging numbers after kissing each other senselessly before seeing each other two days later and having sex on the floor of Carlos’ old living room.

“Not much time for courting,” he says dryly, unable to keep the smile off his face as TK grins back at him.

“In your defense, you did try to court me,” TK says gently, affection shining in his eyes. “You invited me to a midnight dinner the next night.”

“Oh,” Carlos says, relieved. “That’s better.”

TK winces slightly in return.

“Or not?” he questions, getting a nod back from TK.

“I kind of freaked out on you,” he says, looking deeply sorry. Carlos can’t imagine it could have been so bad if three years later they’re still together, but he waits for TK to explain.

“I had gone through a horrible breakup back home – I was getting ready to propose, and he was cheating on me with some guy from the gym. I wasn’t looking for anything other than some harmless sex, so when you made this lovely dinner for me with flowers and candles, and you looking so fine in a dress shirt and slacks. I turned into a jerk, and the dinner was a bust.”

Carlos quietly processes what TK has just told him. He feels a pang in his chest at the knowledge that TK loved someone else enough to consider marriage. He scoffs quietly at the silly jealousy he feels from it. It’s completely ridiculous to be jealous of some random man from TK’s past when TK is here now in their home with him. He tries not to think too hard about what it means to feel this way when TK is still essentially a stranger to him.

“How did we recover from that?”

TK cringes again, and Carlos has to keep from reaching out and poking his nose as it wrinkles adorably.

“I got arrested, and you were the officer to process me?” TK says in the form of a question, groaning when Carlos’ eyebrows both go up.

“That sounds like a conflict of interest.”

“That’s what I said to you!” TK exclaims, waving a hand at him. “Thank you for finally agreeing with me!”

“Maybe I made sure to get your paperwork when you were brought in,” he suggests, theorizing.

“Do you think you would do that?” TK questions curiously.

“If I really liked you and wanted a reason to talk to you, sure,” he shrugs, knowing that while he’s usually a by-the-book cop, he has an impulsive streak. “And something tells me I did like you enough to do that.”

TK looks away from him, but it doesn’t hide his pleased smile from Carlos. He feels warmed by it again, and wonders just how many times over the years has TK’s smile caused his stomach to flutter.

“So how did getting arrested help us after that dinner gone wrong?” he asks, clearing his throat. “And what did you get arrested for?”

“A bar fight,” TK answers, wincing when he shoots him an unimpressed look. “I know, I know. It was stupid, and trust me, you let me know how stupid you thought it was. But like I said, I was going through a bad breakup, I had relapsed on substances as a result, and I was looking for something to keep my mind off my life being shit that wasn’t alcohol or pills.”

TK sneaks a look at him, holding his breath as he waits for him to react to his confession.

“Are you okay now?” he asks softly, letting out a sigh when TK nods.

“I haven’t used since my relapse,” he answers. “There have been moments of struggle, but I have overcome them.”

“I’m proud of you, TK,” he says as he reaches for his hand, not sure if it’s his place but unable to stop himself.

TK gives him a slight quirk of his lips. “You always say that,” he whispers, offering his hand a squeeze. “And I’ll remind you now that you’re a big reason for my continued sobriety.”

“No – “ he starts to shake his head, freezing when TK grips his hand that much tighter.

“Yes,” TK answers firmly. “You are my biggest champion. Your unwavering faith in me has saved me so many times, sweetheart. I know you don’t remember it now, but you need to know that.”

 ֎֎֎

 TK leaves for the basement after they finish their meal, claiming a need to do laundry. Really Carlos thinks he’s giving him space after the emotionally packed conversation they shared. Either way, Carlos takes the reprieve he’s given. He calls his mother to check in, assuring her he and TK are okay.

She gives him a loaded ‘hmm’ and an amused ‘nothing’ when he asks what’s that about.

After ending the call, he wanders around the house some more. It’s hard to find pieces of the life he does remember, but he figures losing everything in a fire will do that. He takes his time looking at the rest of the pictures around the house. He and TK are attached at the hip in just about all of them, more often than not smiling at each other instead of the camera.

TK comes back upstairs an hour later with a basket full of clean clothes. “Fresh towels,” he proclaims happily. “Just the way you like it for your showers,” he smiles before giving him a curious look. “We’ll have to wrap your arm with plastic for that – are you okay?”

Carlos nods, pointing at the framed photos on the wall. “Just looking,” he answers, pausing as something comes to mind for the first time and feeling silly for it. “Hey, do you know what happened to my phone?”

“It got wrecked in the accident,” TK answers as he crosses towards a cabinet. “But I got it replaced for you, and made sure everything was backed up from the cloud.”

He takes the phone from him, looking at it, and then looks back up at TK, who smiles back at him a little awkwardly. “Your passcode is my birthday,” he answers, rattling off the numbers to him before leaving the room again, heading upstairs with the laundry in hand.

“I really am a sap,” he mumbles to himself, punching in the code. He looks through his old messages first. Some are from his partner Mitchell, there is a recipe link from Paul, and a group message between him, his parents, TK’s father, and TK himself about dinner plans from over a month ago. The conversation between him and TK is endless, with many ‘I love yous’ and ‘be safe’ exchanged. There are also teasing remarks – quite a few racy enough to make his ears feel hot.

He turns to his camera roll and scoffs at himself at the sheer amount of pictures of TK in it.

“What’s that noise for?” TK questions coming back into the living room.

“I might be your stalker,” he answers, waving his phone when TK raises an eyebrow at him. “Pretty sure 90% of my phone is pictures of you, so yeah,” he points a finger at himself. “Stalker.”

TK lets out a laugh, throwing his head back, and Carlos can’t help but stare, transfixed by the image of him. It’s almost unfair how beautiful he is without even trying.

Looking back at him, Carlos can see his green eyes sparkle with amusement.

“You should see my phone,” he says unbothered. “It’s all you, all the time. Nancy teases the crap out of me for it. So we’re pretty even on that front, don’t worry.”

“There are some dirty messages from you here,” he tells him, biting down on his lip when it makes TK smirk, even as he turns a rosy pink.

“I would bet my car that there are more than just dirty messages saved in there from me,” he answers, his smirk growing filthier as Carlos’ eyes widen. “Sometimes you work nights, and I get bored without you,” he tells him, his blush growing stronger. “Bet you haven’t found those pictures yet.”

No, but he sure as hell plans on finding them later when he’s alone, he thinks, going hot himself at the thought. “So you like to tease me,” he questions, earning himself a suggestive chuckle in return.

“As I like to tell you when you call me a tease. It’s not teasing if I deliver,” TK points out, grin firmly in place. “And I always do.”

“Of all the things to forget,” Carlos grumbles, mostly at himself.

TK’s smile slips away, a flash of pain crossing his face before he can hide it away. “It will come back,” he says softly.

Carlos tilts his head, studying him. “You sound so sure.”

TK gives him a gentle shrug of his shoulder in return. “When it comes to us against whatever crap the world throws at us, I’ll place my bet on you and me every single time.”

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos is in the bedroom waiting for TK to finish his shower before he can hop in himself. He smiles as he hears TK sing some song horribly off-key.

“Hey, rockstar,” he calls out when he hears the water shut off, grinning as TK lets out a shouted curse in surprise. He probably figured Carlos was still downstairs. “When you’re done with your concert, can you help me wrap my cast?”

He hears more muffled grumbling that causes him to chuckle at least until TK opens the door. His laughter halting in his throat as he takes in his boyfriend in nothing more than a towel, his chest bare with water droplets running down his defined abs.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” he scolds him with a pout on his face that has no right being as charming as it is.

“I understand how we fell into bed so quickly,” he blurts out, blushing as TK raises a questioning eyebrow at him. “You’re stunning,” he continues, unable to hold back the thought. “I must have taken one look at you and just fallen head over heels for you.”

TK stares at him for a moment before shaking his head, a small reluctant smile taking over his face. “Leave it to you to have no memory of us and still manage to be ridiculously romantic,” he huffs, chuckling softly to himself. “You’re dangerous, Reyes.”

“I’m sorry,” Carlos apologizes, feeling awkward. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

TK crosses the room, coming to sit down next to him on the bed. “The fact that you’re still attracted to me doesn’t make me uncomfortable. On the contrary, it gives me hope,” he tells him with a half-smile. “Hope that you’ll come back to me here,” he says, tapping a finger against Carlos’ temple. “And here,” he brings his hand down to tap against Carlos’ chest over his heart.

“Don’t give up on me,” Carlos whispers, and even he can hear the pleading quality in his voice.

“Never,” TK answers gently, his green eyes bright and hopeful, and Carlos might not know him well, but he can see the love he feels for him in those eyes – it leaves him breathless. He realizes with a start how badly he wants to lean in, to close the gap between him and TK and see if tasting him will trigger the memories he so desperately wants back. He realizes with alarming clarity that even if he doesn’t remember, he very much wants to know if TK tastes as sweet as he seems.

He takes too long deciding, and when he shifts an inch closer, TK is already grabbing the plastic and medical tape he has on the bed.

“Now, let’s get this wrapped so you can shower,” he says sweetly, reaching for Carlos’ arm. “You’re probably tired after the long day. I bet you go right to sleep afterwards.”

Carlos thinks sleep is probably not coming with his swirling thoughts, but he gives TK a nod anyway.

“I’m going to the farmer’s market tomorrow morning,” TK continues once his arm is wrapped up. “We usually go together on our days off. Think you’re up for it?” he asks, giving Carlos a hopeful look.

Carlos nods again, wanting to keep that look on TK’s face and the bright smile that follows.

“That sounds nice.”

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos leans against the kitchen counter, staring through tired eyes as the coffee machine spits out a robust Colombian roast. Sleep, like he had expected, had been hard to come by the night before, with too many thoughts and too much space in his bed for him to settle in right. He might not remember sleeping with TK in their bed, but he has a feeling his body does, and it rebelled at the idea of TK being in another room away from him.

More than once last night, he had given serious thought to walking over to the guest room and begging TK to come sleep beside him. He hadn’t, and instead spent the night twisting and turning, flashes of moments running through his mind too fast to make a complete picture. It frustrates him while also giving him hope being home with TK will trigger his memories.

He hears footsteps coming down the stairs and turns his head just in time to see a sleepy, shirtless TK come into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and grumbling.

“Need. Coffee. Now,” he mumbles, passing him, going straight for the coffee maker, only to let out a whine when he sees the pot is nowhere near ready.

“Good morning,” he says dryly, a smile tugging on his face at the adorable image TK makes, pout in full display as he turns to acknowledge him.

“Coffee,” he demands once more.

Carlos opens his mouth to tease him, stopping short as something comes back to him instantly.

He’s in the middle of bringing his cup to his lips when he feels TK slide up behind him, his arms going around his waist, his face tucked between his shoulder blades.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” he says fondly, twisting in TK’s hold to turn to him, smiling at his sleepy expression.

“Woke up without you,” TK pouts, his green eyes narrowed. “On our day off. That’s illegal; arrest yourself right now.”

“If I arrest myself, we can’t spend the day together,” he points out, chuckling as TK gives him a dry look.

“Maybe I just want you in handcuffs,” TK quips, a teasing smile playing on his lips when Carlos raises an eyebrow at him.

“We can play that game if you want. It was a lot of fun the last time,” he challenges back with a smirk of his own when TK lets out a sharp breath at his answer.

“Too early for this,” TK grumbles, his cheeks a pretty pink. “Need coffee.”

“If you let me go, I can get you a cup,” he offers, waiting as TK considers. Finally, his boyfriend shakes his head.

“Nope,” he answers, tucking his face into Carlos’ shoulder, pressing a kiss to his collarbone. “This is better anyway.”

“Hey,” TK snaps his fingers softly in front of his face. When Carlos focuses on him, he finds him looking at him with a curious and slightly worried expression. “Are you okay? Where did you go?”

“Nowhere,” he answers, trying to give TK a smile to ease his worry while inside, he’s reeling. The memory had been as clear as TK standing in front of him now, but more than that, he can remember what he’d been feeling at that moment. The love and adoration he felt for the man in his arms, not wanting to let him go even for a cup of coffee.

“Are you sure?” TK asks again, still concerned.

“Yeah,” he says again, this time his smile coming out a little easier as he wraps himself in the feelings caused by the memory. “Are we still going to the farmer’s market today?”

“Sure,” TK answers as he walks over to the coffee pot that is now full. He pulls out two mugs, pouring them both a cup. “If you’re up to it, that is.”

“I am,” he answers, taking the cup TK offers him. “I thought I could cook this evening,” he suggests, waving his cast at him. “With your help.”

TK shoots him a grin. “Sure, it should be fun to watch you bite your lip to keep from telling me I’m chopping the wrong way.”

“Do you chop the wrong way?” he questions, suddenly concerned.

TK shrugs a shoulder at him. “You seem to think so. You’re always warning me I’m going to cut myself and hover over me like the worrywart you are.”

“I’m suddenly reconsidering letting you help me,” he says honestly, getting another playful grin from TK.

“Too late,” he chirps. “I’m helping. Now I’m gonna head for the shower. We can grab breakfast at this bakery we like near the market.”

Carlos nods in agreement as TK starts to leave the kitchen. He’s about to let him pass when he notices a scar near TK’s left shoulder. “Hey, what is that?” he stops him, bringing a hand to the spot, running a thumb over it. He hears TK’s breath catch, but he ignores it as he realizes with a start what he’s looking at. “Is this a bullet wound, TK?” he asks, his voice coming out higher than usual.

He stares at TK with wide eyes as the man lets out a wince.

“Yeah…see what happened was – “

 ֎֎֎

 “So you’re telling me you have been shot at and kidnapped?” he questions for the third time since TK finished retelling him his unfortunate work calls. Since then, they’ve stopped by the bakery TK mentioned, bought their breakfast – a spinach pie for him and a cherry cheese Danish for TK, and now are walking around the market, reusable grocery bags in hand. Carlos is still at a loss, having trouble understanding how TK can recall the moments so calmly. When Carlos on the other hand, is quietly freaking out and wondering how to hide TK away from the world hellbent on injuring him.

“Yes,” TK answers simply, lifting his hand to offer him half his Danish. “Trade? We usually do because you like the last taste in your mouth to be sweet.”

He distractedly takes the offered pastry, giving TK the last bit of his pie.

“Do I have blood pressure issues?” he questions, looking over at TK as he pops the last bit of food in his mouth. “I feel like I have to because my BP is skyrocketing right now.”

“So dramatic,” TK scoffs, rolling his pretty eyes at him. “As if I would let you have high blood pressure. My dad is a health nut. If you had a high BP, there would be no salt in the house,” he continues with a cheeky smile that makes Carlos huff.

“Cute,” he says sarcastically. “Have I tried to bubblewrap you? I think drastic measures need to be taken here to keep you safe.”

He winces as his voice goes a little manic at the end there, causing TK to stop walking, the amused but exasperated smile on his face dropping.

“Hey,” he starts softly, reaching out to touch Carlos’ wrist, pressing the pads of his fingers against his pulse point, squeezing gently, helping Carlos center himself. “I’m okay,” he says slowly, his eyes locking with Carlos’.

“Yes, they were scary moments, ones I would rather not repeat. But when I was shot, you were there every day waiting for me to wake up.” TK squeezes his wrist again, making sure he’s listening. “And when I got kidnapped, you figured out where we were, and you rescued me.”

“I did?” he asks breathlessly. Leave it to TK to get to the root of Carlos’ freak out. The thought of TK hurt or in danger and Carlos helpless to save him.

“You did,” TK answers. He lets go of Carlos’ wrist, but Carlos instinctively takes his hand before he can get too far.

“Is this okay?” he whispers, holding his breath as he waits for TK to decide if he should pull his hand away or not. He watches his eyes flicker between their joined hands and Carlos’ face, a flash of something too close to sorrow playing over his features for a second. He’s just about to pull away himself and apologize to TK when he links their fingers together, giving Carlos a slight smile.

“Yeah, sweetheart, of course it’s okay,” he whispers back, his smile more honest and less pained. “Take this as a blanket invitation to touch me when you want or need, okay?”

Carlos startles at the offer, staring at TK as he looks back at him.

TK shakes his head softly at him. He reaches up, touching Carlos’ temple gently with his other hand. “This is hard for me,” he admits, brushing one of Carlos’ curls into place. “But I can’t even begin to imagine what’s going on in your head. How scared you must be to have all these missing pieces in your memory. So yeah, Carlos, if holding my hand brings you any kind of comfort, if touching me helps center you, feel free to touch me anytime the urge hits.”

Carlos can’t speak in the face of such an offer when he knows TK hurts every moment Carlos doesn’t remember their life together.

“That might not be fair to you.”

TK gives him another gentle smile, his eyes shining with what Carlos can only call love. “You let me worry about what’s fair to me,” he tells him before wrinkling his nose at him sweetly. “Besides, I’ve never said no to your hands on me, and I’m not about to start now.”

They stay like that, neither moving as they get lost in the moment. It’s only when a sharp whistle pierces the air that TK breaks their eye contact, twisting around to find the source. Carlos doesn’t recognize the elderly woman waving at them from a few stalls away, but TK obviously does by the low noise he lets out.

“Shit,” he mutters, looking back at him. “That’s Martha; we buy jam and honey from her. She’s very old and very sweet and is extremely fond of us. She’s gonna take one look at your arm and fuss, and if we tell her about your memory issues – “

“She’s not going to take it too well?” Carlos finishes for him, getting a nod in return. “Okay,” he says, understanding TK is suggesting they pretend everything is fine. “Martha, you said?”

“Yeah,” TK bites down on his lip nervously.

Carlos gives TK’s fingers a gentle tug. “Let’s go say hello and get some jam. Does she have apricot?” he questions as they start to make their way over to her stall.

TK lets out a breath, smiling slightly as he leans into Carlos’ side. “Yes, she has apricot jam, which she always lets you taste even though we buy it from her all the time.”

“I like her already,” he says honestly. He can see the woman better now. He can see the happy smile on her face as they approach, followed by concern as her eyes stray to his arm.

“Carlos Reyes,” she gasps once they are close enough. “What in the world happened to you?”

“Car accident,” he says as she comes around her stall to get closer. He stands still as she touches his arm and then his cheek with gentle wrinkled hands as she peers up at him.

“Oh my dear boy,” she says softly, her tone caring like a grandmother. “Are you okay?”

He gives her a nod, tilting his head towards TK. “This one over here is taking very good care of me,” he says with a playful waggle of his eyebrows, smiling when she lets out a whistling laugh, her concern easing at his teasing.

“I’m sure he is,” she says with a laughing tone of her own. She turns towards TK, holding out her hands to him. TK places his hands in hers, holding on as she gives them a gentle squeeze. “You okay, dear?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, Martha,” TK answers her softly, sneaking a look at him. “He’s alive and whole, and that’s all that matters to me.”

Martha studies both of them with a gentle look. “Sweet boys,” she whispers. She pats TK’s hands again before letting go of them. “Your love is so special,” she continues with a smile that is then followed by a pointed look. “Beautiful, even though I see no rings yet.”

TK groans out the woman’s name through a tired smile. He looks amused, but it doesn’t hide the gentle blush taking over his face. “We’ve talked about this, Martha,” he reminds her, sneaking a look at him again before focusing on the older woman. “We’re happy the way we are, for now, there is no need to – “

“Rush things,” Martha finishes for TK, rolling her eyes at him. “Blah, blah, blah,” she mocks with her hand.

“Martha!” TK exclaims with a surprised laugh. Carlos looks away, not knowing what to say. He can feel his heart tick up at the subject. Obviously, it’s one the older woman is used to commenting on going off TK’s response, and Carlos wonders what his usual answer is. He doesn’t know. All he knows is that the mention of rings – his on TK’s finger, makes his stomach do a somersault.

“Young people,” Martha mutters as she opens a jar of jam, spreading some over a cracker before passing it over to him.

He takes it from her, popping it into his mouth, letting out a pleased sound as the sweet taste fills his senses. “Delicious,” he says to her, causing her to beam back at him. “Best jam ever.”

“If you put a ring on this boy’s finger already, I might give you my secret recipe,” she says to him, grinning brightly as he feels his face go red.

“Oh my god, Martha,” TK mumbles, turning his face to hide it into Carlos’ shoulder.

Carlos instinctively pulls him closer, trying to shield him from his own embarrassment.

Martha sighs deeply, pursing her lips at them. “Just the jam then?”

 ֎֎֎

 They get home past noon. The ride back is quiet and a little uncomfortable. Martha’s teasing prompting some new questions Carlos is itching to ask.

“I left some chicken out for a southwest salad for lunch?” TK tells him as they place their groceries on the counter. “What do you say?”

“Sounds good,” he answers as he takes out the avocados from the bag, separating the two ripe ones for the salad.

“Great,” TK says, flashing him a strained smile. He starts pulling out what he needs from the cupboards, beans, and corn, while Carlos gets the rest from the fridge.

They work together around the kitchen quietly, Carlos’ assistance limited by his arm. Finally, as TK cooks the chicken on a cast iron skillet, he can’t hold in his questions any longer.

“Have we talked about it?” he asks, holding his breath when TK shoots him a knowing look.

“We haven’t planned anything officially,” he answers, not needing Carlos to clarify his question. “But you know how much I love you, and I know how much you love me. We both know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. There is no doubt about that.”

Carlos takes in a sharp breath at the certainty he hears in TK’s voice as he speaks about their commitment to each other in the present tense, not in the past before Carlos’ accident. TK’s absolute belief in them is humbling, and Carlos is left in awe that someone loves him as much as TK does.

It must show on his face by the way TK’s expression softens. He reaches out, touching Carlos’ side gently for a moment, offering him comfort.

“The chicken is done,” he says as he pulls his hand back.

Carlos doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just watches TK move around the room, getting their salads ready. He takes the plate offered, heading for the dining room table, following TK.

“I have a shift tomorrow,” TK tells him as they eat. “But Captain Vega said I can call out if you need me here with you.”

He looks at him questioningly, but Carlos is already shaking his head. “I don’t want you to miss work because of me,” he tells him. It’s bad enough that he’s on leave for the next few weeks due to his arm and head injury. “I’m healthy enough to be left on my own.”

TK opens his mouth like he wants to argue, pausing when Carlos gives him a pleading look. “Okay then,” he says softly, agreeing. “I’ll tell her I’m good to go, but I’m gonna check in on you.”

Carlos nods.

“A lot,” TK warns him, and this time Carlos smiles.

“I expect nothing less,” he answers softly, affection spreading through him for the man before him.

 ֎֎֎

 They spend the rest of the afternoon and evening lounging around. Carlos’ parents call again, this time facetiming. He and TK press against each other as they talk to them, and Carlos catches the smiles his folks throw their way more than once.

“My parents seem to really like you,” he comments later as they lay back on the couch watching TV. They’re watching the end of an episode of house hunters, and TK has been complaining about the couple and their ridiculously high expectations for most of it. “How did that happen?”

TK turns to him, raising both eyebrows in challenge. “I’m sorry, do you not find me charming enough to win over Gabriel and Andrea Reyes?” he asks with a teasing smirk on his face. “Because I’ll have you know they adore me. Big fans of TK Strand those two.”

Carlos rolls his eyes even as he smiles. “I know. I can tell they love you,” he answers. “And I know you’re charming. You’ve already captivated me, and I’ve only been home two days with you.”

TK looks away from him at that, but Carlos can see the corners of his mouth tug upward anyway.

“I just remember how it used to be between my folks and me when it came to my private life,” he continues though he wants to forget the subject and focus on the smile on TK’s face. He wants to reach out and trace it with his thumb, hating how it drops as he continues. “I guess I don’t understand how we got to this point with them.”

“That’s probably more of a conversation you should have with your folks,” TK answers delicately as he fidgets with his fingers. “But I will say that though it took time, once they knew about us, they were very happy with our relationship, and it greatly improved your own relationship with them. That old hurt you’re remembering of not being able to share your life with them, that mended over time.”

“Thanks to you,” he answers softly, sure of it deep in his bones that TK had everything to do with it.

TK doesn’t deny it; he just gives him a kind smile. “I always have your back,” he tells him. “Just like you have mine.”

Carlos wants to say thank you, but it doesn’t feel nearly enough. The smile TK gives him lets him know he hears it anyway.

“I’m gonna hop in the shower,” TK says as he stands up from the couch. “When I get out, I’ll wrap your arm for you, okay?”

He gives him a nod and watches as he heads upstairs. He waits for a few minutes before he too gets up, turning off the TV and the lights, punching in the security code TK wrote down for him before heading upstairs himself.

A few minutes pass before TK comes out of the shower and into the bedroom, this time in a pair of sleeping shorts and a t-shirt, disappointingly not like the night before with just a towel around him.

“I didn’t even ask how you slept last night,” he says, running a towel over his head, looking at Carlos expectantly.

Carlos goes to tell him he slept fine, not wanting to burden him, but can’t bring himself to lie. “The bed is too big,” he says instead, getting a sympathetic look back from TK.

“We have slept together for a long time now,” he says softly. “We are used to our bodies next to each other. I didn’t get great sleep in the guestroom either,” he admits.

“You could – “ Carlos stops himself, biting down on his lip as his heart starts to race at the same thought he’s had since the night before. He can tell by the way TK’s eyes widen that he knows what he wants to say.

“Yeah?” he questions, pausing hesitantly as he licks his lips. “You wouldn’t be uncomfortable with me in bed with you?”

He lets out a small huff as he closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, he can’t help but smile. “I might not remember a lot of stuff right now. But I know for a fact that you have never made me feel uncomfortable, that much I do know.”

He tilts his head to the side as he studies the way TK has gone shy. “What about you? Will you be uncomfortable if we share the same bed?”

“More like relieved,” TK blurts out, going rosy in the cheeks as he speaks. “It’s been a long two weeks without you, sweetheart.”

His eyes darken for a moment, and Carlos feels his breath catch.

“Okay then,” he whispers, swallowing hard as his stomach clenches with anticipation, feeling a fundamental shift between them. “It’s settled.”

 ֎֎֎

 He takes his time in the shower, and by the time he comes out, TK has settled into his side of the bed, his eyes half-closed as they follow him around the room that is dark except for his bedside lamp. It casts a low yellow glow that gives the space a dream-like quality.

“You should know I have been known to cling to you like a koala in the middle of the night,” he warns him sleepily as Carlos gets under the covers. It sounds nice, and he tells TK that, earning a tired chuckle in return.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he sighs out as he turns to his side, facing Carlos with his eyes closed.

Carlos mimics him, turning towards him without turning off the lights just yet, his face inches away from TK’s. He doesn’t mean to stare at him, but he can’t help himself. This is the closest he’s had TK since this started, and he can’t help but want to take him in. He must be staring too hard because after a few minutes, TK’s eyes flutter open. They’re tired but bright in the darkened room. Like two beacons of light, they pull Carlos in. He inches closer until his forehead is pressed against TK’s. Their breathing is loud and heavy, and Carlos can feel every puff that passes TK’s lips touch his face.

He reaches up, giving in to the impulse from earlier, running a trembling finger over TK’s mouth, finding it as soft as he imagined.

“Carlos,” TK whispers, and when Carlos looks up from his mouth, he finds his pupils blown wide.

TK lifts a hand, grabbing at his bicep to pull him closer.

“Are you sure?” he questions even as he wraps an arm around TK’s waist, pulling him tight against his body, his heart racing at the soft moan TK lets out in response.

“If you don’t kiss me, I’m going to lose my mind,” TK mutters, pressing his forehead harder against Carlos’.

Carlos lets out a low groan right as he covers TK’s mouth with his own.

It’s not a tentative kiss.

He might not remember their first, but his mouth and body seem to have no such problem as he sinks his tongue into TK’s mouth. Desperate from the first taste for more.

TK gives as good as he gets; he licks and bites on Carlos’ bottom lip, smiling into the kiss as it makes Carlos gasp. Then, he presses a smaller, gentler one over the sting to soothe it, and this time Carlos’ toes curl at the sweetness of the gesture.

“I must want to kiss you all the damn time,” Carlos whispers frantically as he clings to TK. It gets him a soft, loving laugh from his boyfriend as their kisses slow down to a gentle back and forth of their lips.

“The feeling is very mutual, sweetheart,” he tells him, giving him one last kiss, followed by two smaller ones at the corners of his mouth. He pulls back then, reaching over Carlos’ side to turn off the light. They settle in for the night, neither pulling away from each other’s arms.

He feels TK fall asleep even as he remains wide awake and accepts another sleepless night as TK gets even closer, his face tucked away into Carlos’ neck.

With TK in his arms, this one is already a hundred times better than the night before.

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos is in the middle of mindlessly channel surfing when there is a knock at the door. Most of his morning has been aimless with nothing to do but think of TK and them waking up together in a tangle of limbs.

He had woken up to his breath being stolen by the beauty of a sleeping TK. He’d been helpless but to stare and study every detail of his face, committing it to memory, wondering how in the world he could ever forget such a perfect picture in the first place. Twenty minutes later, right before his alarm went off, TK’s eyes had fluttered open to find his gaze on him. The smile that took over TK’s face as he teasingly called him a weirdo for staring had caused something to squeeze tight under Carlos’ ribcage with a feeling he didn’t dare speak out loud yet.

Getting up from the couch, he opens the door to find his mother on the other side with a bakery box in her hands.

“Conchas?” she asks with a bright smile as she shakes the box back and forth.

Carlos smiles, giving her a head tilt toward the inside of the house, kissing her on the cheek as she comes in.

They head for the kitchen, and Carlos silently starts the coffee machine before pulling a jar of Nutella out of the cupboard.

“You remember that,” she says with a pleased smile as she grabs a knife and starts cutting the conchas down the middle to spread the Nutella over it.

“Mmhmm,” he nods, leaning against the counter, waiting for the coffee to brew.

She passes him a half of the sweet bread with a smile. “How’s it going, cariño?” she questions, her brow wrinkled with worry.

Carlos chews on his concha as he tries to think how to answer that. Physically he’s okay; his arm is healing, and he should have his cast off in a few weeks. Even mentally, the doctors aren’t terribly concern. They’re sure his memory will come back, and given the small but frequent flashes he’s had, he’s inclined to believe them.

Just this morning, he’d made TK’s banana and peanut butter shake – made with oat milk, two tablespoons of creamy peanut butter, and half a scoop of protein powder. TK had taken a sip from it, smiling as he told him it was precisely how he liked it, pausing for a moment as he realized Carlos remembered how to make it before his smile grew even larger. He was remembering, it was slow, but it was happening.

He could tell his mother all of that, but that wasn’t what was on his mind. What’s on his mind is the feel of TK’s mouth against his the night before and then this morning as he let him kiss him before he left for work. What’s on his mind is how right it felt to hold TK as they slept. What is on his mind is how TK’s smile or laugh causes Carlos to go warm all over.

“I think I’m falling in love, Mami,” he says softly, holding his breath once he’s let the words out.

Andrea puts down her treat, wiping her face with a napkin. When she lowers it, Carlos can see the hints of a smile playing on her face. “Well, I hope it’s with your boyfriend, or else this is going to get really awkward for you.”

“Mami,” Carlos groans at her teasing, getting a delighted laugh in return. He pushes off the counter to turn off the coffee maker, pouring the hot liquid into two mugs. “You don’t look particularly surprised by what I just said.”

Andrea smiles at him as she takes the mug he offers her. “Why would I be?” she questions. “Like temporary amnesia is going to destroy what you and TK have? Por favor.”

“What do we have?” he questions, curious to know how his mother sees his relationship with TK. If she really approves.

His mother seems to understand. She places her mug down, crossing the distance between them until she’s standing in front of him, taking his face in her hands.

“I will always regret not asking you more after you came out to us,” she starts, shaking her head when he goes to speak. “You were just a kid, my sweet boy, scared of what we would think, and we messed up so bad. Your father and I thought the best way to let you know it was fine was by acting like nothing had changed, when of course everything had changed for you. We should have asked about your romances, about your heartbreaks.”

“Mami,” he whispers, his heart in his throat as his mother gives him a sad smile.

“We didn’t realize we were hurting you by keeping quiet,” she continues. “I love TK as if he was my own, Carlitos, for a lot of reasons, but two above all.”

Carlos bites down on his lip, waiting for her to tell him her reasons.

“One,” she says with a teary smile. “Him coming into your life gave us a chance to fix our mistakes with you. He became so important to you, you couldn’t keep him from us, and as a result, we got to meet him, know him and get to know you too. The you we had been missing out with our ignorance, and I am so grateful for that.”

“And the second reason?” he asks, swallowing hard around the lump of emotion that has formed in his throat as he starts to get a picture of how he and his parents overcame years of silence about his personal life.

“The second reason answers your original question,” she says with a growing smile that is both loving and proud. “What you and TK have – it’s what I have always wanted for you since I first held you.”

With her hold on his face, she makes sure his eyes are locked with hers, letting Carlos see how sincere she’s being.

“You two have the type of love I always wished for you. Kind, patient, incredibly loving and tender, and above all else, genuine. You, telling me that you’re falling in love with TK all over again isn’t surprising in the least, mi niño. It was the only direction this story could go.”

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos waves at his mother as she drives away after dropping him off at the firehouse. He walks through the bay doors, finding both fire engines parked but an empty space where the rescue 126 rig should be. He sees a few of the faces that visited him while in the hospital over by the back of the firehouse but hesitates about approaching them.

“Carlos? What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

Carlos turns around at the voice to find the fire captain – TK’s father, his brain supplies, coming towards him with a concerned frown on his face.

“Captain Strand,” he greets him with a nervous smile as the older man’s frown deepens.

“We worked long and hard getting you comfortable enough to call me Owen,” he says with a shake of his head. “I know you can’t remember that we get along great right now, but please, let’s not revert to Captain or sir, I beg of you. It’s just Owen.”

“I’m sorry, sir – shit – Owen,” he gets out, cringing a bit as he feels like a school kid in trouble with the teacher. “I’ll work on it.”

“That’s all I ask,” Owen tells him with a smile that doesn’t hide his amusement in the least. “What brings you by? Not that you’re not welcome anytime, of course.”

“I was restless at home,” he answers with a shrug as he looks around the place. “I figured I’d come and visit TK, but – “ he trails off.

“He and his team are answering a call,” Owen finishes for him, his smile growing fond and meaningful. It makes Carlos want to squirm under the man’s watchful eye.

“What?” he blurts out finally as Owen seems to grow even more amused with him.

The captain lets out a chuckle, holding his hands up in a silent apologetic gesture. “It’s just that nothing has changed. You might have trouble remembering a lot of things right now, but you still seek TK out when you’re anxious.”

“How do you know I’m anxious?” he questions, surprised. He gets a sympathetic fatherly look from Owen that seems vaguely familiar in the back of his mind.

“Because you and I are friends,” he answers, slapping his back gently as he gestures towards the kitchen with a tilt of his head, asking him to follow him.

Carlos does, sitting on one of the stools when Owen points to it.

“And hopefully someday soon we’ll be family,” he continues with a smirk when Carlos jerks his head up to stare at him. “Officially anyway, we’re already family.”

Carlos doesn’t say anything as Owen pulls a slim pitcher with green gunk in it out of the fridge.

“I’m usually a good listener,” the fire captain tells him, placing a glass of the green liquid in front of him. “You and I talk sometimes.”

Carlos brings the glass to his mouth, taking a sip, instantly making a face that causes Owen to snort.

“You usually hide your distaste for my power greens smoothies better,” he says to him, laughing when Carlos scowls.

“You know I hate it and still offer it to me?” he questions, getting a cheeky grin and a nod.

“Just waiting for the day you finally have the guts to tell me you don’t like it.”

“Well, that day has arrived, Owen,” he says dryly, even as he blushes in the face of the older man’s enjoyment.

“At last,” Owen smirks, and it’s so reminiscent of TK it forces Carlos to smile back reluctantly.

“Strand men, troublemakers to the core,” he mutters, his eyes widening moments later. “I remember that,” he whispers, catching Owen’s eyes. “You two are brats.”

“Hey, now,” Owen says with faux offense, even as he looks at him brightly and hopefully. “Hurtful, truthful, but hurtful.”

Carlos huffs, shaking his head with amusement.

“You’re starting to remember,” Owen says kindly, his expression softening as he says it, relieved as Carlos gives him a nod. “That’s so good, kid. We all miss you, but especially my son.”

Carlos licks his lips nervously, parting them to speak when the beeping of the ambulance coming back echoes through the place.

“Speak of the devil,” Owen says quietly, the corners of his mouth tilting upward. “Go on then. He’s who you came to see, and I know he’ll be happy to see your face. He’s been worried all day about being away from you.”

Carlos quickly gets up, flashing Owen a grateful look before heading back towards the front of the firehouse. He watches as TK’s partner and Captain joke with him for a moment before heading off together, leaving TK alone by the rig.

“Hey,” he calls out, watching as TK’s head snaps up at his voice.

“Hi,” TK says back, walking over to him quickly. “Are you okay? Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he says softly, touching TK’s bicep, running his hand up and down his arm. “I’m fine. Nothing is wrong,” he continues, pulling TK towards him as his shoulders drop in relief. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he whispers, wrapping his good arm around TK, holding him to his chest. “I just missed you and wanted to see your face.”

TK pulls back just enough to look up at him from where he has tucked his face into Carlos’ chest. “Really?” he whispers, his green eyes bright and oh so pretty.

“Yeah,” he answers, licking his lips, his stomach clenching as TK tracks the movement, and he wonders if it’s okay for him to kiss TK here. If now that they have kissed, he can just kiss him when the urge hits. He thinks probably not, or he would be kissing TK nonstop seeing as the urge seems to always be there.

Instead, he takes a small step back to resist the urge to give in to the temptation and says. “Let’s go out tonight.”

TK raises an eyebrow at him, a small, shy smile playing on his lips. “Like a date?” he questions, his smile blossoming when Carlos nods.

“Yeah,” he exhales to calm down his sudden nerves. “Let’s go out on a date.”

“Okay,” TK grins, looking giddy. “I get off at 7. I’ll pick you up. I know exactly where to go.”

 ֎֎֎

 “This is really where you want to have our date?” Carlos asks dubiously as TK parks in the middle of an empty field – the burgers and fries they had picked up in a brown bag on his lap.

TK kills the engine, flashing him a grin as he unhooks his seatbelt. “It’s a special place for us,” he says mysteriously as he opens his door, stepping out of the car and grabbing their drinks. “Come on,” he motions for him to follow him to the back.

Popping the flatbed, Carlos finds a blanket laid out on the back of the truck.

“You prepped for this,” he comments, smiling when TK gives him a shy shrug of his shoulders. He takes the food from Carlos to allow him to get in first, following him seconds later.

“This is nice,” he says softly, looking around, picking at a loose thread of the blanket underneath them while TK unwraps their food. “Why is this place special for us?” he asks curiously. The field is elevated, and over the edge, there is a nice view of the city.

“This is where you and I officially started,” TK answers him as he looks up at the night sky. “We laid on top of your car looking at the sky and really began that night.”

Carlos looks up at the sky too. They’re far enough from the city that the stars gleam brightly. They’re beautiful, but Carlos just knows they were stunning the night TK is talking about.

Different shades of blue and green streak through the sky, lighting it up above them. They’re one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen. So stunning, and yet they pale in comparison to the man resting next to him on the hood of his car.

He looks up because he’s supposed to and has to resist the urge of turning his head towards what he really wants to be looking at.

“What are you thinking?” he asks finally, holding his breath as he waits for an answer.

“I’m thinking,” TK starts to say, his voice soft but pleased. “We make a pretty good team.”

Carlos’ breath catches his throat, a thread of hope spreading through him before he can tell himself to rein it in. Finally, he allows himself to turn his head, looking at TK, finding him smiling up at the sky.

“We really do, don’t we?” he asks, his heart skipping a beat as TK turns to face him, his smile growing the longer he looks at Carlos.

“’fraid so,” he whispers as he reaches for Carlos’ hand, intertwining their fingers together before he brings their hands to rest over his stomach.

Carlos blinks, but the memory doesn’t fade. If anything, it gleams brighter. He remembers leaning in closer to TK until their mouths were but a whisper away from each other. He remembers the half-moan-half-grumble TK let out the longer their lips didn’t touch until Carlos was chuckling into their kiss – moaning himself when TK licked into his mouth, pent-up passion engulfing them after weeks of being something like friends.

“You with me?” TK questions curiously as he takes a sip from his soft drink.

“We make a pretty good team,” he answers and watches as TK’s hand freezes midway to the fries between them. His green eyes snap to his, fearful, hopeful, and everything else in between as he stares at him.

“You remember that?” he questions, and Carlos can tell he’s holding his breath as he waits for Carlos to answer. So he does.

“We made out on the hood of my car like teenagers,” he says with a smile as the memory plays again. “You almost pulled on your stitches. I warned you that if you pulled them out again, you were going to have to call your father and explain how it happened.”

“I was excited,” TK grumbles, giving him a pout. “Making out with you is the most fun I have ever had making out with anyone. The stitches were fine but you invoking my dad totally killed the mood.”

“No, it didn’t,” Carlos counters with a grin. He pushes the food away so he can get closer to TK until their faces are only inches apart. “You kept kissing me. We kissed at every red light from here to your dad’s place, and then when we got there, we made out for another ten minutes until he turned the living room lights on and off.”

“That was so embarrassing,” TK groans, leaning his head forward to let it rest against Carlos’. They stay like that for a moment, their eyes locked on each other.

“You remember that night,” TK breathes out in awe. “It’s coming back.”

Carlos nods, his nose rubbing against TK’s as he does so. “It’s coming back, TK,” he whispers back, swallowing hard as he lets himself ask for what he fears the most. “Please don’t stop loving me.”

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos wakes up after ten. It’s later than he’s used to, but with still being on leave at least until he’s out of his cast, he allows himself the indulgence of a late morning. He lets his good arm reach over to TK’s side of the bed. It’s empty, he knows, remembering the touch of TK’s lips to his forehead earlier in the morning before he left for work. Still, he touches the cool sheets, turning to press his face into TK’s pillow, breathing in his boyfriend’s scent, smiling to himself as he remembers the night before.

They’d come home after their date out in the field, kissing at every red light just like the first time, and by the time they pulled into the driveway, Carlos was vibrating out of his skin with desire.

He all but sprained his neck, nodding his consent when TK asked him if he was sure he wanted them to be intimate before his full memory came back. The smile on TK’s lips as he let out a soft chuckle was worth how red in the face he turned at his own eagerness.

He lets out an exhale, his good hand sliding down his body to cup himself through his sleep pants as he relives the night before.

TK helping him out of his clothes, laying gentle kisses over every inch of bare skin – he had laid back on the bed, his heart racing as TK took his own clothes off before he straddled his thighs, kissing him until he was a shaking mess underneath him. Only then had TK reached over to grab supplies out of the bedside table. And if he thought making out with TK was hot, nothing had prepared him for watching TK open himself up slowly for him with wet fingers, eyes fluttering shut, soft moans escaping his kiss-bruised lips as he found the right spot that made his thighs clench around Carlos’.

By the time TK was ready, reaching back to take him in his hand, lining him up to his opening, Carlos had been pleading, needing to be inside TK more than he has needed anything in his life.

Carlos lets out a low moan, tightening his hold on himself as he remembers the complete bliss he felt as TK sank down on him, taking in every last inch while Carlos stared up at him in awe as he started to move his hips.

Never in his life has he felt more connected to another person than to TK the night before.

He continues to picture it, recalling every beautiful sound TK made as he pushed them higher and higher, right up to the edge until he curved his body over Carlos’, his forehead pressed against his, his eyes wide as he stared down at him.

“I’m never going to stop loving you, Carlos,” TK whispered, drawing out a whimper from Carlos as he rolled his hips again. “Ever, I can promise you that. You can remember our life tomorrow or never again. I’ll always love you.”

Carlos comes in his fist with TK’s voice echoing in his ears just as he had done the night before. TK’s sureness of his love for him tipping him over the edge.

He lays there for a few minutes, waiting for his heart to stop racing before he gets up to clean himself. Without TK there to wrap his arm, it takes him longer to hop in the shower, but he manages. He has another week and a half with the cast on and honestly can’t wait to have it removed.

Once out of the shower, he’s looking through his dresser for clothes when his phone rings. Picking it up, he smiles as TK’s face appears on the caller ID.

“Hey,” he says, smiling into the speaker, his stomach doing a flip at TK’s voice, and he would roll his eyes at his silly schoolboy with a crush reaction if he wasn’t so happy and in love with the man on the other side of the phone.

“Hi,” TK says softly back, going quiet for a moment, and Carlos can just picture him biting down on his bottom lip. “I just wanted to check in with you. I had to leave for work early, and you were still mostly asleep. We didn’t get a chance to talk after last night, and I wanted to see how you were feeling this morning.”

Carlos smiles into the phone at the concern for him he hears in TK’s voice and wonders how he got so lucky to have such a caring partner.

“I’m good,” he answers as he keeps looking for a shirt he wants to wear. “I’m great, actually,” he continues honestly. “Last night was amazing.”

“No regrets?” TK questions hesitantly, causing Carlos to let out a snort.

“Only that we didn’t do that the night I came home,” he answers, grinning when TK lets out a laugh.

He pulls out a green shirt, throwing it on the bed with the jeans he’s already picked out. Then, opening the top drawer, he sticks his hand in to grab a pair of fresh underwear and socks, frowning when his hand finds a small hard box.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” he asks, and TK repeats himself as he suggests they do a movie night when he’s done with work. Carlos makes a sound of agreement as he stares at the small black box in his hand, his head racing as he realizes what it is.

A ring box.

“That sounds great,” he says, distracted, whispering a goodbye when TK tells him he has to go.

Ending the call, he places his phone down before focusing on the little box in his hand. He holds his breath as he opens the box to find a simple but beautiful wedding band, white gold or platinum, with a strip of small diamonds around it. On the inside is engraved ‘Eternally yours, te amo.’

The words hit him hard, and he has to take a seat at the edge of the bed as he realizes with startling clarity what he’s holding in his hand is his ring for TK.

He already knew he loved TK, has been falling for him all over again despite his lack of memory, and now, in his hand is the proof of just how much he loves him.

A hot tear lands on the hand holding the ring before he realizes he’s started crying, and by the time he reaches up to touch his face, he’s sobbing. It feels like the dam breaking after weeks of not even noticing it was filling up in the first place.

He cries over the moments he’s lost and is terrified he won’t get back. He cries as he realizes he could have lost so much more if he hadn’t made it out of the accident. He cries for TK, because if he feels this broken over a life he can’t remember well, he can only imagine what TK feels remembering it all. He cries in hope. Hope that forgotten life will come flooding back at some point. Finally, he cries in relief as TK’s voice promising to love him forever echoes again. Relief that even if the past doesn’t come back to him by some cruel twist of fate, he and TK still have a future.

He cries, and cries and cries some more, letting every last bit of it out.

 ֎֎֎

 If someone had asked Carlos how he thought he would get his memory back, he’s pretty sure his answer wouldn’t have been ‘on a random Thursday morning while brushing his teeth,’ but that’s precisely how it happens. He’s finished his shower, happy to no longer need to wrap his arm in plastic after having his cast removed a few days earlier.

It’s been three weeks since finding his engagement ring for TK and the minor breakdown that followed. He didn’t tell TK of either thing, not wanting him to worry or make him sad at his discovery. He knows it’s not the right time just as much as he knows that eventually, he’s going to put that ring on TK’s finger, memory back or not. He’s in love with his boyfriend – has fallen for him all over again.

His doctors are happy with his progress and the memories that are starting to seep through more and more as the days go on. They promise him if he just keeps living his life, doing what he usually does, they will all come back soon enough.

Carlos believes them, but he’s still surprised as he stares at his reflection, and it all comes back in an almost blinding flash. One second it’s not there, and then the next it is. He spits out the toothpaste in his mouth, barely passing a wet hand over it before he’s running out of the bathroom and down the stairs, tripping in his need to find the one person he needs the most right now.

“Scramble eggs for breakfast? We should probably go grocery shopping today since I’m off,” TK says to him as he turns to face him with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“TK stands for Tyler Kennedy,” he blurts out, watching as TK makes a face at the name before he realizes what he’s said, and his eyes widen. “And you always make that put-out face when I use it, but it’s followed by a smile because as much as you hate your name, you like it when I say it.”

“Carlos – “ TK whispers as he puts down his mug, and he can see it shaking slightly.

“When you are nervous or restless, you chew on the strings of your hoodies,” he continues. “And you bitch about Texas pizza, claiming it’s not real pizza because it’s not from New York.”

“Oh my god,” TK exhales, bringing a hand to his mouth as his eyes fill with tears.

Carlos swallows around the lump in his throat as his own eyes sting. “You play with my hair when I’ve had a hard day. You blush when I turn my cow eyes as you like to call them on you, and I love that I can make you blush even after three years.”

“You remember?” TK asks, and it breaks Carlos’ heart to hear the fear in his boyfriend’s voice, too scared to hope.

“I remember everything, baby,” he whispers back, taking a step toward him and then another. “And I love you, I love you so damn much TK – “

Carlos lets out a small grunt as TK slams into him, clinging to him as he starts to cry. He holds him tight to his chest, pressing his face into TK’s shoulder, rubbing his back, trying to soothe him as he continues to cry. It takes a few minutes for TK to calm down; by the time he does and pulls back to look at Carlos, his eyes are red from his tears.

“You remember me,” he says softly with a trembling smile.

“I’m so sorry I forgot,” he answers, reaching up to touch TK’s mouth when his boyfriend starts shaking his head, ready to tell him he doesn’t need to be sorry. “I know I don’t have to be and that it was an accident, but I’m still sorry you had to go through this. But you need to know, TK, that even without my memories, I still loved you, almost from the start. I loved you.”

TK wraps his fingers around Carlos’ wrist, pulling his hand away as he gives him a teary but beautiful smile. “I know that, my love. I know.”

Carlos nods as his eyes sting again, a tear slipping down his cheek. “I love you, TK. Then, now, and forever.”

TK lets out a shaky exhale, and when he tugs Carlos forward, he goes easily, sighing against TK’s lips as he kisses him gently. “And I love you, Carlos,” he says against his lips with another smile. “Exactly the same way.”

[livetodayfighttomorrow]

Ryderdie in episode 2.10

So our babies are in their house which I know see is supper open and beautiful. I always loved their house before but I think this is the first we’ve seen it during the day so it just looks open and I can see why they picked it. Anyway Grace is stretching her legs and Judd is “what are you doing?” He’s being super protective and hovering her.

“I got you baby” I’m soft

The doctor told her that between her pregnancy and the aftermath of the accident she’ll get dizzy or light headed if she does something in a hurry. She’s like I can’t forget, I’m throwing up every morning.

She’s on the couch and he put crackers on the table and a cooler filled with ginger ale. And a trash can so she doesn’t have to get up. I’m going to be single forever 😭😭

“You're as tough as they come, ain't you, girl?”

Judd asks what if she has a spasm or falls, Judd’s going back to work today so Grace figures she should be on her own two feet.

Judd: “That’s nonsense.” 😂

Grace refuses to use the walker and her parents want to come to help while he’s work but she’s like “I got this”

Judd knows she can take care of herself but if she needs anything, has a craving, feels peeked or even just drops the remote to call.

They have this neighbor named Mrs. Minch that Judd talk to just in case.

Grace thanks him and promises she loves him but to go to work.

It seems like Judd was off for a few weeks taking care of Grace 😭😭😍😍

Charles and the twins made meals for Judd and Grace.

Tommy: First day back. How you feeling?

Judd: I feel good, you know. I'm-I'm, uh, rip-rarin' to go.

Tommy: Oh. Yeah, you're worried sick about your wife, aren't you?

Judd: You don’t know the half of it

😭😭😍😍

Grace has never asked for help and won’t start now.

Tommy says if she’s anything like her she’ll be close to the couch lol oh Tommy

Grace is at the store 😭😭😂😂

Grace dropped her keys

After 6 hours sitting on her car she calls Tommy.

Tommy asks Grace for if Judd knows she’s here, she said she didn’t want to bother him while at work but doesn’t mind bothering Tommy lol

Tommy checks Grace and asks if anything hurts and she replies her ego 😂😂

Tommy: What were you thinking?

Grace: I wanted some rocky road 😂😂

Same Grace

They talk, Tommy says asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise. She also says people expect black woman to be on it 100%

She gives her medication and drives her home. She says they have each other’s back.

Grace: So does that include not telling my husband you found me stuck in my own back seat?

Tommy: Oh, no, ma'am. I'll leave that to you.

There’s some Owen and Judd scenes but I don’t are about Owen’s pain so I’m skipping but Judd was right.

Back home the next day Grace wakes up Kudd who is like the world’s heaviest sleeper, like dude you’re in for a rude awakening.

Grace is sorry and he asks if she’s okay and she asks him to help her to her walker. He takes deep breaths with her (so she doesn’t get light headed)

It’s such a beautiful and tender scene.

And that’s it.

I see Grace is just as stubborn as her husband and father in law. And Judd being to worried about Grace 😍🥺

I would’ve loved to see that conversation after he got home and the fact that he took weeks off of work which he loves to help her. I just love their love.

Honestly Grace made me laugh but also broke my hurt. I love the cast tweeting about it. And Tommy and Grace having each other’s backs. 💜😍

[reyesstrand]

24 for Carlos & Judd pls!?!?!

thank you for the prompt! also i have to admit that i wanted to have this up last night but then...everything happened and my original idea was swayed a bit by some of the scenes in the promo and....yeah askdasdfjsa. anyway, i’ve never ventured into this dynamic but it was really fun!! i hope you enjoy 💗

feel free to send me a number from this list! also available on ao3!

Carlos takes a deep breath as he slows the Camaro to a crawl. 

The big and bold Engine 126 over the open bay door of the firehouse is like a beacon, and with every passing second Carlos feels himself growing both calmer and excited at the prospect of spending the evening with his boyfriend and the crew. A few other cars are already parked along the outside of the station, the sun slowly slinking down past the horizon and leaving streaks of orange in its wake. He sighs happily to himself upon hearing the faintest beats of music spilling out into the street, strolling toward the bay as his thumbs move across the screen of his phone, texting TK that he’s arrived. 

The firehouse has started feeling like home over the past few months, as he’s been included in more gatherings. He feels like he’s part of the family, and it’s only affirmed when he hears his name in a familiar voice, and he grins as he looks over his shoulder and sees Grace locking up her car from across the lot. 

“Hey beautiful,” he says, immediately wrapping her up in a hug when she approaches. 

“Always the flatterer,” she jokes, squeezing him tight in return.

“You know how it is,” Carlos grins at her, eventually moving to sling his arm through hers as they move deeper into the bay. The music is louder, now, and they follow it and the smell of what can only be Paul’s cooking and the muffled conversation up the stairs. 

These gatherings have become a sort of tradition of late, celebrating life in general with an occasional birthday or successful run of calls thrown in there. This one is much more laid-back; there are big plates of food waiting to be devoured on the kitchen island, but everyone is mostly just mingling. 

Carlos immediately finds TK in the crowd, as he chats animatedly with Marjan and Nancy over by the sectional, where all of them are seemingly fawning over Buttercup. Grace must be aware of his distraction, because she hugs him close to her side for a moment before stepping away. 

“I’ll let you go see him, sweetheart,” Grace says, eyes warm. “I should go find my husband, anyway.” 

He nudges her gently with his shoulder before beelining for his boyfriend, who looks over and meets his eyes. TK winks at him and gets to his feet, murmuring something to Marjan and Nancy before strolling over to meet Carlos halfway, his hands behind his back in his typical coy stance.

“Fancy seeing you here,” TK grins, once they’re close enough. He shifts his head to the side and Carlos can’t help but to feel his heart swell, taking in the way that TK’s eyes crinkle at the corners and his mouth curves up into a smile that’s always soft and reserved just for moments like these. 

Carlos hums, smiling himself as he reaches out to casually lay a hand on TK’s hip. He speaks under his breath and through a smile: “How are you?” 

“Oh, well,” TK glances around the room, stepping forward slightly. His smile widens when he meets Carlos’ eyes again. “Better now.” 

“Really,” Carlos grins, and TK nods, closing the gap between them with a flash of mischief in his eyes. 

The kiss is brief and casual—something Carlos couldn’t imagine when thinking back on their relationship mere months ago, when everything was fuelled by desperate want. They’re smiling like idiots when they pull apart, but Carlos still stays put where he always wants to be: in TK’s space, watching him smile back at him. 

“Am I interrupting something?” 

TK huffs a little, and glances over to where Judd gently looms over them both. 

“Your old man wants to see you,” Judd says, and TK snorts. 

“You know, I’d love to see you call him that to his face,” TK cocks a brow at him, before sighing and clapping Judd on the shoulder. He drops his voice and says, “play nice with him,” briefly squeezing Carlos’ hand and then stalking off toward the other side of the room. 

Carlos freezes momentarily, which is kind of silly, really, because. 

Well. 

He’s known Judd longer than he’s known TK; ever since he was a rookie still getting used to the chaos of an active emergency. Hell, Judd was one of the first people to reach out to him when he was still getting a hang of things. But for whatever reason, the pressure of seeing him now as his boyfriend’s big brother has him feeling awkward. 

And it’s evident that Judd’s feeling it too, because they’re both quiet for a few seconds that seemingly stretch on for eons, and Carlos finally reaches out his hand, for Judd to respond with his fist. Carlos winces as his fingers fold over Judd’s knuckles, awkwardly bringing his hand back and looking anywhere but Judd’s eyes. 

“Right, so,” Judd retracts his fist and pushes it into his other palm, running his thumb over the back of his hand. “I just wanted to—”

Carlos can’t help but to cut in. “Judd, if this is about respecting TK’s boundaries, or whatever, I have no intention of—”

“Oh no, brother, I—” Judd sighs, and rubs the back of his neck. “I just wanted to tell you how happy we are for you guys. Grace is telling me it’s important that I...communicate my emotions, or whatever, and TK means a whole lot to me. To us, y’know? And you make him happy.” 

Carlos feels his face go warm. 

“Um, well,” Carlos stuffs his hands in his pockets, glancing over to where TK is very obviously keeping an eye on the two of them, disguising his actions by pouring pretzel sticks into a bowl. “Thanks? He makes me happy too.” 

“That’s obvious from a mile away, kid,” Judd smirks, and Carlos rolls his eyes. “Seriously, we’ve got your backs.”

“Thanks, man,” Carlos says earnestly, feeling the air shift around him as TK sidles up to him again. He drops his arm over TK’s shoulders, and he immediately reaches up to grab at Carlos’ hand that brushes against his slowly fading gunshot scar.

“I knew you were a big softie,” TK teases, as Judd grumbles under his breath before reaching over to ruffle up TK’s hair. 

When Judd heads back off toward Grace, after a successful fist bump with Carlos, TK links their fingers together. 

“All good?” He asks, and Carlos’ heart surges as he presses a kiss to his boyfriend’s temple. 

It’s the deepest truth when he murmurs back, “couldn’t be better.” 

[scavator]

Ok I finally got back around to Lone Star: Ep 4 I felt conflicted by the Owen speech to the 126, the first thing he did when arriving to the hospital was give a speech about his work? I guess it’s cause at that moment he felt like there was no point in worrying about TK. He must’ve felt confident in the fact that he would wake up, still that made him come across as a bit uncaring.  Grace and Judd keep on being the best characters on the show. I like TK’s mom, and was so scared she was going to be dead as well. I like how they handled his sort of in between coma state, him baking cookies with his mom was cute af. That birth scene was beautiful. Owen collapsing with the realization that as Grace and Judd’s life as parents begins his son might just be dying was well done.  The baby being called Charlie made me cry goodbye Milk carton man having 4.5 MILLION DOLLARS ON THE FLY LIKE THAT has me reconsidering my choices I almost forgot how much I loved this firehouse, Lone Star has the best firehouse change my mind They all look so good in suits omg That Billy and Owen dynamic kinda slaps, I like their not really friends, rivals dynamic, and I hope they stop pushing Billy to make stupid and evil decisions

Ok time for the Carlos putting an offer on a house rant. I have issues with control, I’ve had issues with people controlling what I do, like, say, listen to, watch, for my whole life. I’ve been trying to find freedom the closer I get to graduating and moving out of the house. If my boyfriend put an offer on a place without asking for my thoughts and put my name in the lease I would actually lose my mind. Like no joke, full blown mess right there. I know the gesture is sincere and the intention isn’t to breach any sort of boundary. But, if I’m not even allowed to make a decision together with my partner as to where we live, damn maybe I would have also had a horrible reaction and broken up with him on a whim. 

The problem I’m seeing is that I don’t feel like Lone Star layed that groundwork with TK. I never pinned him for a control freak or someone who was sheltered or had no say in his life as a kid, quite the opposite actually. I guess it was more or less his instinct of self sabotage.

TLDR: Can relate to TK  but it still felt off.

[sunshinestrand-inactive]

To Bring You Home

Day Five of Tarlos Week: “I thought I lost you” 

Soulmate AU: When you can feel your soulmate’s pain. 

Read on AO3

--

TK’s in the kitchen getting a glass of water when the pain in his chest begins. It starts out as a sort of uncomfortable twinge and he doesn’t really think anything of it. It isn’t until he’s walking into the living room when that pain grows into an unbearable stabbing pain. He gasps loudly, the glass in his hand shattering to the ground beside him as he falls hard to his knees. Tears prick at his eyes, his heart hammers against his ribcage, and his hands bleed from broken pieces of glass. His breathing begins to falter then and suddenly it feels as though he is suffocating, like his entire body is being crushed. His limbs begin to shake as his body unwillingly begins to shut down from the pain.

It’s at that moment when he realises, with pure horror, exactly what was happening. This wasn’t his pain. This was something much deeper and more heartbreaking than that. This was Carlos’ pain. TK didn’t understand, his boyfriend had just gone out for groceries, it was an innocent and mindless task. TK manages to pull himself up onto unsteady legs and stumbles his way over to the couch where his phone lay. He’s barely able to catch himself before another bout of pain comes and he has to bite his lip to stop himself from screaming. He attempts to grab his phone three times before he is able to and with shaking fingers, he dials Carlos’ number. It rings in his ear, once, twice, three times -

Dread begins to sink its teeth into him, his stomach now turning with sickness. “Come on, Carlos.” He mumbled through gritted teeth, the pain tearing him apart. “Pick up, please.”

Four times. Five.

Hello, you’ve reached Carlos Reyes. I am not available at the moment but please leave a message and I will call you back as soon as I can. Thank you.

Tears fell from TK’s eyes as he hung up the phone, leaning his pounding head against the back of the couch. Then suddenly, as if a switch had been turned off, the pain lessened, the crushing feeling slowly disappearing until he was left with only an ache. He gasped as the invisible hand released from his throat and air finally returning to his lungs. He put a hand onto his chest, to feel his own heart thrumming underneath his skin. But despite the pain simmering away, he couldn’t help but to feel an unbearable sense of panic and dread flooding through him in replacement of it. He had been told about soulmates long enough to know that it was bad to feel the pain, but it was worse when that pain disappeared.

From beside him, his phone began vibrating and he was quick to grab it, answering it without even looking at who was calling. “Carlos?” He said, his voice panicked and hoarse.

“TK?” A voice said, but it wasn’t Carlos’. It was his father’s. “TK, it’s Carlos. He was in an accident. We were called to it. He’s on his way to the hospital.”

More tears fell. “I felt it.” He whimpered. This couldn’t be happening. Not to Carlos. “Is he okay?”

“I’m on my way to pick you up. Just hang tight, TK. It’ll be okay.”

TK didn’t miss his father, neglecting to answer the question but he nodded anyway despite his father not being able to see him. He nodded despite having no hope that those words were even close to being true.

--

“Here you go, honey.”

TK looked up at the glass of water that Grace held out to him. He slowly took it, giving her a small sliver of a smile. She returned her own, sweet and warm before she took up her place beside Judd. TK took a small sip of the water, the cool liquid soothing his throat. He took a deep shaky breath, the ache now all over his body as if bruises were forming on his skin, as if he was the one that was in a car accident. But while Carlos’ life was desperately trying to be saved, TK could only feel his pain. Suddenly TK was hit by the sudden and overwhelming fear that this would be the last thing he would ever feel for Carlos. That he would never be able to feel his love or happiness ever again.

TK closed his eyes, trying to hold tears back and pictured Carlos; his smile, his brown eyes, everything that TK hopes that he’ll have the chance to see again. He jumped slightly as a hand squeezed his shoulder and he didn’t know who it belonged to and he didn’t care to look.

“The family of Carlos Reyes?”

TK snapped his eyes open at the sound of Carlos’ name and he was up and out of his chair, ignoring the burn of his limbs. The 126, his family, encircled him, offering their support. TK held his breath as the doctor finally spoke.

“He has a few broken ribs, a broken arm, a concussion and some bruising. It looks like he is going to be just alright, just needs some rest. All in all, he’s very lucky to be alive.”

TK nearly sobbed in relief. Alive. Despite everything that he had been put through, every ounce of pain his body had been feeling, Carlos was alive.

He swallowed hard before he spoke. “Can I see him?”

“He’s asleep right now but you’re more than welcome to sit with him. Just try to keep the people to a minimum, we don’t want to overwhelm him. He’s in room 242.”

“Thank you.” TK whispered. The doctor gave him a sympathetic smile before he turned away.

TK didn’t wait for anyone to speak before he was slowly moving down the hallway, counting the room numbers until he came to 242. He braced himself before he stepped over the threshold and into the room. At first glance, Carlos just looked like he was simply in a peaceful slumber. However, as TK got closer, his injuries became more apparent. He had one very large gash on his forehead that had been closed with stitches. His right arm, rested against his chest, was in a cast and the rest of his visible skin was littered with dark bruises.

TK suddenly wished he could take every single ounce of Carlos’ pain so he wouldn’t have to feel anything when he woke up. TK moved to sit in the chair next to the bed and grabbed Carlos’ non-injured hand. Almost instantly, Carlos’ grip tightened around his hand and a groan was escaping his slightly parted lips.

“Carlos?” TK whispered, as if his name was the only word he knew. It took a moment before Carlos’ eyes fluttered open and another moment before they fell upon TK.

“Hey you.” Carlos mumbled, his voice hoarse.

TK forced himself to smile, relieved to see the warm brown gaze. “Hi.” He whispered, running his thumb over Carlos’ hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a car.” Carlos joked.

TK gave him a deadpanned look. “That’s not funny.”

Carlos chuckled before it fell into a cough. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m just glad you’re okay.” TK whispered.

Carlos squeezed his hand. “How are you?”

He shook his head. “Carlos, seriously? You do not need to worry about me.”

“Sweetheart,” Carlos whispered. “How bad was it?”

TK shrugged. He could try to play it off and act tough but he knew he would never successfully be able to do that with Carlos. He would see right through him.

“It was pretty bad.” TK admitted. “I couldn’t breathe and it felt like I was being crushed.”

“That sounds awful, I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“Please, this is not your fault.” TK said softly.

“I know but I -” Carlos shook his head. “You were all alone.”

“So were you and I was so scared for you, Carlos. I didn’t even think about myself. All I could think of was that you were by yourself and that you were in pain. I thought I lost you.”

“You didn’t though. I’m right here and I’m okay.” Carlos assured him. “The hurt will go away.”

“I wish I could take it all from you.” TK whispered, staring down at their connected hands.

“Of course you do, you’re TK Strand. You always want to sacrifice yourself for others. It’s just who you are and it’s a quality that I will always love you for. But I would never allow you to do that, even if it was an option. We can overcome it together, like we are meant to. We’re a team, remember? That’s why we’re soulmates.”

TK smiled. He couldn’t help it. It was a gift that Carlos Reyes had. Always being able to make him smile and always being able to make him feel okay in even the worse situations. “I am so glad you are okay, Carlos.”

“So am I. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t ever get to see those beautiful green eyes or that smile again. Or if I didn’t get to tell you just how much I love you.”

“I love you too.” TK whispered. “I’ll love you until I can’t breathe anymore.”

Carlos grinned and tried leaning down but winced, hissing in pain as his body rejected the movement. TK hushed him before he stood up and moved to sit next to Carlos on the bed. His smile grew and he leaned over to place his lips gently to TK’s. The kiss was unbearably soft and only lasted a few seconds before Carlos broke it, placing his forehead against TK’s.

“You are one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me, TK Strand.”

TK felt more tears well up, he was afraid that he would be out of them by the end of the day. “You’re pretty great yourself.” TK whispered, the space between them so small and intimate.

Carlos leaned in to kiss him again. It grew more this time and TK brought his hands up to the back of Carlos’ head, tangling his fingers in the wayward curls. Before things could carry any further, a knock at the door was bringing them back apart. When they turned towards it, TK saw Judd and Grace in the doorway and he caught glimpses of the rest of the crew standing behind them.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Grace said, a knowing twinkle in her eye. From beside her, Judd shook his head before mouthing ‘no, we’re not.’ Carlos chuckled at the action. “We just wanted to see how you are doing.”

Carlos grabbed TK’s hand, intertwining their fingers and laid his head down onto TK’s shoulder. Being this close to one another almost getting rid of the pain in its entirety. Carlos then glanced around the room where so many people who cared about them stood and it was almost too much. TK felt him take a deep breath, and watched as his own tears came to his eyes. “I think I’m going to be just okay.”

And here with each other, here with their second family, TK was sure they would be.

[tellmegoodbye]

Hello Harley! nice ask week query for you! give me your top 5 Lone Star scenes please and thank you 💜

Top five scenes??? Gosh, This is hard!!

Before we start, Hello. My name is Harley and I love angst. My choices here probably explain a lot...

I am doing this off the top of my head because I have never put a list together until now. It is also very late so if I forget an iconic scene that would be criminal for me to leave out, I'm sorry. I will definitely correct myself in the morning and add onto this if that is the case.

The best scene in the entire show HAS to be the TK waking up/Grace giving birth sequence, right? I think it's safe to say that nobody is doing it like her. Just the two extremely emotional situations that could only really be described as miracles, both coming to fruition after four episodes of angst. The music choice?? The acting??? TK and Carlos finding their way back to each other and barely having to say anything, and Grace and Judd being able to have this experience together in spite of everything that stood in that path. The pain you can feel from Owen as he watches a new life coming into this world, unaware that his son is waking up at the same exact time. Like the choices that were made here were just brilliant. Push, my beloved, there is a reason I just wrote 23k words about you.

This is a combination of two from the same episode, the first one being that period of silence after Tommy finds Charles in 2x13. It's one of the most emotional scenes I've ever watched in any show, and it does so much without relying on sound. The second one is at the end of the same episode where she is finally able to cry, and this is also one of my favorite musical moments from the show, if you recognized the lyrics in my blog title!

The entire plane landing sequence in 3x08. Another favorite musical moment of mine, but also just an amazing scene in general. I'm a sucker for all the 'begins' type episodes, and the way that scene switches between the past and present is really well done and definitely gets me crying every time.

I absolutely have to include the scene in 2x02 where we get a glimps at each character mourning after Tim's death. It's another one of those scenes that does a lot with very little. Incredible acting, and it gave us that beautiful moment where TK comes home to Carlos and collaspes in his arms. Such a memorable scene for me.

I'm going to be on my Owen bs for a hot second here so please bear with me. It had actually been a while since I watched this scene so I almost forgot how much I enjoyed it, but I watched 3x18 again recently and the scene where Owen is hallucinating talking to Gwyn fucking broke me. As well as the rest of the scene that followed where he's rescued. The best way I could describe their love story is a beautiful tragedy. You can tell Owen has carried around a lot of guilt for how it ended, and you can't help but wonder how different things could have been if they had worked out, and if she had lived. I think it was an incredibly important scene to have as well, if you also take into account everything we learned about Owen in 3x15 and 3x16. His journey over the past two seasons is something I have appreciated immensely. We learned that he lost his brother and his father in different, yet equally tragic ways, he lost the love of his life, he lost a brother AGAIN so soon after metting him, and after all that loss he still had to find a way to focus on the people who were still there. I think that 3x18 scene in particular is beautiful, but it also sums up a lot of the emotions I have surrounding his character and why I love him so much.

Honorable mentions include: soulmates scene, proposal scene, intro scene in 4x18 where they postpone the wedding, the entire being alive sequence, the call between Grace and that astronaut in 1x10, Hen and Owen talking when they're trapped in the mine in 2x03, Carlos crying after the fire, Marjan keeping herself alive by hallucinating her younger self in road kill, and literally any scene from saving grace and shift-less.

Plus many others that I have inevitably forgotten. Please yell at me and tell me what I missed because I can be a ding dong sometimes and I am overdo for a full rewatch.

[howtosingit]

Fic: I Wanna Be Somebody to Someone (Someone to You)

“Is that heart for someone special?” a voice teases in his ear, and Carlos immediately straightens, his face on fire. In his rush, his stylus cuts through the liquid, splashing coffee onto the counter and effectively ruining his work.

“N-no,” Carlos stutters out nervously, reaching for the towel next to him to clean up his mess. “I was just practicing,” he continues, his voice thin as his flush deepens, a heat crawling up the back of his neck.

A soft laugh next to him pulls his attention towards Grace, his assistant manager, standing at his side, her face even with his shoulder as she smiles up at him. “You’ve been practicing hearts for months, Carlos,” she says, her eyes bright as she points down at the cup in front of them. “I think you’ve got the hang of it by now.” 

*

A High School/Coffee Shop AU.

19.5K | Also posted on AO3 (in 4 easier-to-read chapters)

🎁 For @bellakitse 🎁

A/N: So, I already dipped my toes into the High School/Coffee Shop AU world during 30 Days of Tarlos, but that was just a short little thing, and I knew that I wanted to revisit the combination again at some point. Besides, a little birdie told me that High School AUs and Coffee Shop AUs were her favorites, so there was no other gift that I wanted to give her on her birthday than her two favorite tropes featuring our two favorite boys. 

Stef, you are a wonder to this fandom. Your constant kindness and support mean the world, as does your abundant positivity. You have given us some of the most delightful, touching, beautiful fics to get lost in, featuring the absolute best original characters, all while keeping our boys true to who they are and showing how deeply they love one another. Every time that I sit down to write, I do so with the hope that I can create just a small fraction of what you have given us with all of your work. I love you dearly, and I am so very proud to call you my friend.

Happy Birthday, Punk! ❤️

☕☕☕☕

Carlos focuses on the latte in front of him, his brow furrowed as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, gently gliding his stylus through the white foam to shape his design. He can hear the soft hum of the coffee shop around him, the late-afternoon crowd deep in conversation at their various tables. He bends at the waist to press his elbows to the counter, bringing his face closer to his canvas to watch as the mental image in his mind begins to form inside the cup in front of him.

“Is that heart for someone special?” a voice teases in his ear, and Carlos immediately straightens, his face on fire. In his rush, his stylus cuts through the liquid, splashing coffee onto the counter and effectively ruining his work.

“N-no,” Carlos stutters out nervously, reaching for the towel next to him to clean up his mess. “I was just practicing,” he continues, his voice thin as his flush deepens, a heat crawling up the back of his neck.

A soft laugh next to him pulls his attention towards Grace, his best friend and assistant manager, standing at his side, her face even with his shoulder as she smiles up at him. “You’ve been practicing hearts for months, Carlos,” she says, her eyes bright as she points down at the cup in front of them. “I think you’ve got the hang of it by now.” 

Carlos doesn’t answer her, his pounding heart pushing up into his throat. Grace, proving that she knows him pretty well after all their time working together, must sense his mounting terror; her face softens as she brings a hand up to grip his shoulder gently. “You can only practice so much before your own heart forces you to act,” she says soothingly. “Once it knows what it wants, there’s no stopping it forever.”

Before Carlos can respond, there’s a rap of knuckles on the counter. He jumps, looking up to find Grace’s boyfriend, Judd, suddenly standing before them, a slight smirk on his face.

“Reyes, she feeding you my lines again?” he jokes, turning to grin at his girlfriend. Carlos looks over in time to spot Grace’s arched eyebrows rise to her forehead.

“What do you mean by ‘your lines,’ cowboy?” she fires back at him, crossing her hands in front of her chest. Carlos can’t help the small grin that takes over his face as he looks between the two of them, his own concerns momentarily forgotten as he watches them banter back and forth.

“Oh, don’t play that game with me, Grace,” Judd scoffs, shaking his head. “You know that I told you ‘the heart wants what it wants’ the very first time I met you.”

“Judson Ryder,” Grace starts, moving closer to the counter as she zeroes in on the man standing on the other side, “don’t stand there and act like you were the first person to ever come up with that line, people have been using that cliché since well before you were born.”

There’s a moment where they just stare at one another, a slight tension in the air, before Judd breaks it with a sheepish laugh. “Alright, alright,” he says, closing the distance between them to press a short kiss to Grace’s lips. “Still, it worked on you though, right?”

Grace just smiles, moving her hand to cover Judd’s resting on the counter. “That’s right,” she confirms. “There’s nothing wrong with using a cliché when the time is right, which is why I don’t mind throwing it in Carlos’s face now.” 

Carlos starts at the mention of his name as both Grace and Judd look towards him. He’d been so wrapped up in their flirting that he had forgotten that this entire ridiculous conversation started with him. He can feel his face burning again as he gapes at them, no idea how to respond. 

The bell on the door rings behind him, signaling a new customer, and Grace moves around him to take their order, patting his arm in support as she goes. Carlos’s heart thumps annoyingly in his chest, and he ducks his head to avoid Judd’s eyes, hoping the other man will just let the conversation end. With a small cough, it becomes clear that his friend has no intention of doing that at all.

“She’s right, you know,” Judd says quietly, giving him a supportive look. “Your feelings will eat you alive if you don’t let them out.”

Carlos stares down at the latte before him, the foam nearly gone now that it’s cold. He thinks about the heart that he was working on, and the hundreds that he’s made before. It makes him feel pathetic, this stupid never-ending crush of his, and with a groan he grabs the cup and moves towards the sink to dump out the coffee.

“Hey, Reyes, talk to me,” Judd encourages, and Carlos looks up to see that he’s shifted to lean over the taller bar, closer now. “You know I’ll tell it to you straight.”

Carlos does know that. He’s known Grace and Judd for almost two years, ever since his first day working at Carolina's Café. Back then, they were all high school students, working together most afternoons and evenings. Now, Judd is finishing up his fire academy training and Grace is taking college courses, while Carlos slogs through his senior year; he had been worried that their friendship would change once the two of them graduated, but even with Grace being promoted to assistant manager, nothing between them has shifted. They’re still Carlos’s best friends, and he loves both of them like they’re family, which is why he knows he’s going to give in to Judd’s nudging. 

With a sigh, Carlos reaches up to rub his forehead, feeling overwhelmed by this unexpected deep dive into his feelings. “I feel like such an idiot,” he admits, his voice small. 

There’s a silence after his confession, and Carlos avoids looking at his friend until he can’t bear it any longer. Judd stares back at him, his brows furrowed in concern. “Yeah,” he finally says, nodding his head a bit, “love will do that to you, brother.

“You don’t think I felt like a big dumbass every single time I thought about asking Grace out?” he asks, his eyes shifting over to where Carlos knows Grace is standing behind him at the register. “I felt like I was going to go crazy for months,” Judd continues, turning back to him with a sympathetic look. “Love has this way of making you feel really small when you’re in it alone.”

Carlos crosses his arms over his chest, trying not to react at the idea that he might be in love with someone that he can’t even ask out on a date. “But, when you’re in it with someone else,” Judd finishes, reaching over to grip Carlos’s shoulder, making sure he’s completely focused on him, “love makes you feel like you’re bigger than everything.”

He can feel his heart swell at that thought; it’s the one thing he wants so desperately. For a long time, while struggling to figure out who he was and what he wanted, Carlos didn’t think he would get a chance to have that kind of love, at least not until he was much older. He still remembers the day that he felt those odds shift; it was the same day that a new transfer student from New York barged into his life and turned his entire world upside down with just a flash of his green eyes and bright smile.

“Judd, you’re gonna be late,” Grace says, appearing at his side and pulling Carlos from one of his favorite memories. She hands her boyfriend a wrapped sandwich and a cup of coffee before leaning up to press a kiss to his lips. Judd quickly waves goodbye as he moves towards the door, off to his overnight shift. “He’s right you know,” Grace continues, nudging him gently until he looks down at her. “Bigger than the whole world,” she clarifies, giving him a small smile.

Carlos sighs again, his mind racing at the idea of feeling something so real and powerful. “I really want that someday,” he whispers, confessing his most personal desire.

“I think ‘someday’ might be a lot closer than you think, Carlos, but only if you stop running away from it,” Grace hedges, the serious look on her face softened by her sparkling dark brown eyes. Carlos can’t help but to wrap his arms around her, pulling her into a hug.

“Incoming!” a new voice says, and Carlos looks around in time to pull both of them out of the way as Mateo, their busboy, comes barreling through with a tub full of dirty dishes. “Also, don’t look now, Reyes, but your dream boy just arrived,” he teases, shooting Carlos a smirk as he moves through to the kitchen. 

Carlos freezes at the sound of the bell, his arm still draped over Grace’s shoulder. He can’t help it when his gaze automatically shifts over to the entrance, his heart racing as his eyes lock on to the stunning green pair belonging to the one person he can never get out of his head, no matter how hard he tries.

TK Strand.

☕☕☕☕

Carolina’s Café is definitely TK’s favorite place in Texas, possibly the world.

When his dad first moved them to Austin the summer before his junior year, TK had hated every single thing about the city. All of his friends, his boyfriend, everything that he had ever known, he was forced to leave behind in New York. He was fully prepared to shut himself away until school started, where he would go through the motions for two years before moving back to the city. And then, almost as if fate demanded a change of perspective, he found a safe haven.

His second week in Texas, he stumbled across the small, intimate cafe and immediately knew that he had found his sanctuary. It was one of those places that looked smaller on the outside, but once he stepped through the door he realized that it seemed to stretch for miles, full of hidden depths that TK couldn’t wait to discover. Mismatched, colorful chairs and tables filled the long galley-like space, with comfy couches and armchairs set-up in a few corners to create intimate gathering places. Lamps were scattered throughout the space, giving the room a soft glow, and a single chandelier hung down from the high ceiling. During the day, natural light poured in from the high windows at the front of the shop to illuminate the various activities within, but at night, the glittering lights from the fixture above and the tea lights on the tables created a warm, comforting atmosphere that felt like home. From that very first day, when he spent almost five uninterrupted hours inside the cafe’s walls, TK recognized that it was going to be the saving grace he needed in his new home.

He steps through the door now, letting the familiar smell of coffee and baked goods assault his senses, the soft hum of music, conversation, and grinding from behind the counter rolling over him in waves. As they always do, his eyes immediately move towards the barista station, his breath catching in his chest as he spots his absolute favorite fixture of Carolina’s Café. 

Carlos Reyes.

When he allows himself to really think about it, usually late at night when he’s falling asleep, TK knows that this cafe is so special to him because it gave him Carlos. Sure, he would’ve met the other guy when school started, but for TK, meeting the barista during his first weeks in Austin is what allowed him to let go of a lot of his personal biases against the city. They formed a special bond in that first month over small conversations across the counter. Carlos was one of the first people that made him genuinely smile since he found out about the move, and he was responsible for most of his smiles in the weeks that followed. TK struggled for a time with the why of it all, but at the end of the day, he was just happy to find a friendly source of comfort in a somewhat foreign world.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by a firm hand on his shoulder, guiding him away from the door and further into the coffee shop. There’s a huff of laughter behind him, and he turns to find Paul and Marjan sharing a look. “What?” he asks, squinting at his friends.

“Do we have to do the whole ‘time stands still, eyes lock’ moment every single time we come here?” Marjan smirks, shifting her gaze towards the counter. TK feels a heat rise on his cheeks as his mouth drops open at her bold claim.

“She’s right,” Paul teases, raising his brow as his eyes twinkle with mirth. “It was cute the first ten times, now it’s just tired and boring. You should change it up, maybe add a kiss or something.”

TK shakes his head, his mind racing with what to say in response. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he lies, his voice coming out thin as his heartbeat speeds up at the thought of a kiss. It’s something he’s definitely considered before, usually when he’s alone in his room with his eyes closed and his hand hard at work. 

“Yeah, sure you don’t,” Marjan huffs, rolling her eyes.

“Okay, brainless,” Paul continues, pointing towards their usual couch in the back corner. “Why don’t you give it some thought while you hold our table? I’ll go order your drink. I wouldn’t want you to have to possibly interact with someone.” His smirk is obvious now, and it only serves to make TK’s blush spread; he can now feel heat on the tips of his ears, and he knows he probably looks completely ridiculous.

Without a word, he moves through the cafe towards their spot near the back, quickly glancing over towards the barista station again, watching as Grace pats Carlos on the chest, the other man nodding softly in response to whatever she’s telling him. TK notices how his face is lined with worry, and he wonders what has Carlos so stressed.

As he drops his bag next to the coffee table, collapsing onto the empty couch, he thinks back to the start of his junior year, when his relationship with Carlos shifted to the current standstill that they can’t seem to escape.

After that first summer, TK had looked forward to starting school, partly because it would keep him busy and take his mind off New York and everyone he was missing there, but mostly because he would get to see Carlos somewhere other than the cafe. He was excited about the possibility of getting to know his classmate outside of work, without their barista/customer labels and a counter between them.

Those first weeks were promising; they had a few classes together, and TK still spent two or three afternoons a week studying at the cafe. He bonded with Marjan and Paul pretty quickly, and it seemed like Carlos would fit pretty seamlessly into their new friend group. The four of them shared a lab table together in science, and though Carlos was definitely the quiet one, it felt comfortable. But then, TK made the mistake of inviting his boyfriend to Homecoming, and wherever their friendship seemed to be heading quickly became a fantasy.

TK sighs at the memory of that terrible weekend, looking back towards the counter to see Carlos filling a few orders, his head down as he focuses on the multiple drinks in front of him. He’s always admired the other man’s ability to lose himself in the simple task of making lattes and cappuccinos, remembering how he was drawn to Carlos’s careful and delicate actions the very first time TK met him. 

He palms start to sweat as he watches how Carlos’s muscular torso strains against his tight-fitting t-shirt when he twists around to grab things from the counter behind him. TK would never be able to pinpoint what exactly draws him to the other guy; for him, it’s a combination of every single part of Carlos that makes him worthy of TK’s affection. He’s truly never felt this way about anyone else in his life.

“You’re staring again,” a voice says, interrupting his lovelorn thoughts. TK looks up to see Marjan standing at his side, two cups in her hands. She passes one over to him, which he takes with a grateful smile, before sitting next to him on the couch. “I don’t know why you do this to yourself, TK.”

He stays silent, sipping his mocha latte, and pretends that he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Marjan, never one to let things just go, doesn’t play into his game. “What’s stopping you from asking him out, Strand?” she hedges, sitting her cup down on the table in front of them before shifting to look at him, her arms crossed in front of her chest. 

TK puts his own mug down, running his hands through his hair as he processes her truly overwhelming question. “I don’t think he thinks of me like that,” he finally answers, staring down at his feet as he hunches over to avoid looking at her.

“Well that’s bullshit,” Paul says out of nowhere, and TK looks up to find that he’s joined him. “You act like you’ve never seen the way Reyes looks at you.”

TK flushes for the second time since they’ve arrived. He knows that sometimes he’ll look up to find Carlos looking in his direction during class or while he’s studying, but the other guy always immediately looks away when he spots him. He doesn’t want to read into those moments, or try to make sense of them; he’s too afraid of what they might mean.

“Guys, we’re barely even friends,” he starts, picking at his fingers. “I thought at one point we could be, but then…”

He trails off, biting his lip. He can almost sense the way Marjan and Paul share a look, and he knows what they’re about to say before they even make a sound.

“TK, Homecoming was a long time ago,” Marjan starts, her voice gentle. “You’ve gotta stop feeling guilty about that.”

“Yeah, besides,” Paul continues, taking a sip of his own coffee, “we forgave you for that, and I’m pretty sure Carlos did, too.”

TK doesn’t respond; he hears what his friends are saying, but his brain can’t help but remind him how, after that weekend, Carlos was a little distant. It wasn’t in a mean or rude way, but TK could tell that his classmate became a little more guarded around him. Since then, they’ve shared more classes and even worked together on a few group assignments, and Carlos is friendly and kind every single time, but he and TK are very much just two peers. No matter how much he wishes they could be more, he can’t go back and erase that weekend where Alex visited from New York.

“Can we talk about something else?” he begs, reaching down to pull his textbook from his bag. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Paul and Marjan share yet another look before they too reach for their homework. There are a few minutes of silence as they all settle in, before Marjan breaks it, staring down at her phone.

“Looks like Iris is having another party this Friday,” she shares, typing a response to someone. “Wanna go?”

“Might as well,” Paul shrugs, staring down at his own phone. 

“Sure,” TK says, shooting a smirk over to Paul. “You know Vanessa’s probably going to be there.”

“Nope, nuh-uh,” Paul says, shaking his head as he points a finger at TK. “If we don’t get to talk about your love life, we’re certainly not talking about mine.”

TK grins down at his book, thinking about the girl in their class that Paul has been hooking up with for months. Before he can form a reply, someone approaches their corner.

“I thought you guys would probably want some water,” Mateo says, balancing a tray of three glasses of ice water in front of him. TK can’t help but to notice how the sophomore’s gaze shifts to Marjan, who is still staring down at her phone. He bites the inside of his cheek to hide his grin as he moves his book to the side. 

“Thanks, Mateo,” he says, pushing forward on the couch to take another sip of his latte. Mateo just nods, placing the first cup down on the table. 

Finally realizing that someone has joined them, Marjan looks up to assess the situation, a smile appearing on her face when she sees what Mateo has brought them. “Aww, thanks Mateo, that’s really sweet of you.”

TK watches, almost in slow-motion, as Mateo reacts to his friend speaking directly to him, his grip on the tray unsteady as he looks Marjan’s way, his eyes wide. Before he can make a move to help, the remaining two glasses tip off the side, a shower of icy water splashing TK in the face and down the front of his shirt from where he was leaning forward over the table. 

“Oh, shit,” Mateo yells, immediately reaching for the towel on his hip as TK stands, water dripping from his hair. He brushes it back from his face, a shiver running through him at the sudden cold. “I’m so sorry, TK.”

“Mateo, don’t worry about it,” TK says lightly, pushing the boy’s helpful hands away. “It’s just water, it’s not a big deal.”

The busboy’s face still looks terrified, so TK circles the table to grip his arm in reassurance. “Seriously, dude, it was a simple mistake, it’s totally okay. I’ll just go dry off in the bathroom.”

Mateo nods, guilt clear on his face as he turns back towards the table, where the remaining water has pooled. TK turns away, moving quickly towards the restroom. He pushes the door open, noting that it’s empty, and crosses over to the mirror, taking in how the entire front of his shirt is soaked with water, the fabric sticking to his skin. With a resigned sigh, he pulls it off over his head, turning to the hand dryer. It might take awhile, but he’s sure he can dry it enough to wear it home. 

He’s just started when he hears the door open behind him. “Sorry, there was a spill,” he begins, not wanting to freak the newcomer out by standing in the bathroom shirtless. He turns to show them his soaked shirt, and freezes when he sees who it is.

Carlos stands just inside the door, which continues to close slowly behind him. TK feels a heavy thump in his chest as his crush looks silently back at him, Carlos’s mouth open slightly in shock. He watches as the other man’s eyes briefly trail down to his bare chest, lingering there for a moment. TK realizes how much he likes having those soft brown eyes on him, enjoying the flush that rises on his skin as Carlos continues to stare at him so openly. It sends a chill down his spine that has nothing to do with the spilled drinks. 

He hears himself let out a breath of air, a sound that pulls Carlos from his daze. TK watches as he rapidly blinks, his eyes moving to look anywhere but directly at him or his bare chest. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude,” Carlos finally speaks, and TK can’t help to notice how the words come out breathy, almost like Carlos is having a hard time taking in enough air. “I thought you might need this.”

He holds out a green t-shirt, his eyes now firmly locked on a point just above TK’s left ear. TK takes a moment to process the offer, his brain running through a myriad of thoughts, all of them doing nothing to help lessen his ever-present crush, before he reaches out to take the shirt. His fingers just barely brush Carlos’s during the exchange, and TK feels a tingle at the point of contact, watching as his classmate looks down at his own hand in surprise before catching TK’s eye again. He looks a little terrified, and TK wants nothing more than to just reach out and comfort him.

“I promise it’s clean,” Carlos continues, gesturing to the shirt now in TK’s hand. “I always keep a spare one here, just in case.” He grimaces in sympathy, and TK nearly melts at the way his forehead crease grows more intense at the action.

“Thanks,” he finally responds, his voice thin as he does everything in his power not to throw himself at Carlos, his feelings reaching a thrilling new peak. “I really appreciate it.”

Carlos smiles softly, his eyes glinting even in the harsh fluorescent lighting of the bathroom. “I’ll leave you to it,” he says, nodding slightly as he turns to open the door and head back out to the shop.

Alone once again, TK lets out a giant breath, trying to calm the emotions swirling around inside of him. He looks down at the shirt in his hands, his fingers running over the soft cotton. Before he can second-guess himself, he brings it up to his nose and inhales deeply. There’s an unmistakable smell of coffee, but there’s also another scent, probably laundry detergent, and his heart races as he comes to that realization. He feels like he just learned something about Carlos that he never knew before, and it makes him absolutely giddy.

Shaking his head at his own ridiculousness, he pulls the t-shirt on over his now dry torso, noticing how loose it fits him in comparison to the way Carlos’s shirts fit snugly on his own broad body. TK pulls slightly at the fabric, his heart hammering in his chest at the sudden desire to have Carlos pressed up against him, skin against skin, with no space to tell where he ends and Carlos begins. He groans at the thought.

When it comes to Carlos Reyes, TK is in way over his head.��

☕☕☕☕

Carlos doesn’t really know why he’s here.

When Paul and Marjan cornered him at the cafe while TK was finishing up in the restroom to tell him about Iris’s party, he had immediately rejected their invitation, citing a shift at work. But then, of course, Grace had asked him about it, and when he told her that he wasn’t going, she spent the rest of their shift convincing him that a party was exactly what he needed. 

“You only have a few months left of high school,” she had said, hands on her hips as she looked up at him, “and you’ve never been to a party. If you don’t go, you might regret not having that experience at least once.”

When he remained unconvinced, his best friend pulled out her assistant manager trump card, taking him off the conflicting shift and putting herself on for Friday night instead. “I’m not saying you have to go, I just want you to keep your options open,” she had smirked, nudging him gently as she moved away to restock the counter.

So, Carlos now finds himself standing in front of the Blake house, hands in his pockets, wondering if he can just turn around and go back home. He feels uncomfortable in his own skin, hearing music and sounds from the backyard. It’s not that he’s an antisocial person, just that he’s always felt more comfortable in small-group settings. When there are too many people around, he gets too overwhelmed by everyone’s constant need for attention and chooses to just fade into the background to avoid it entirely. 

Carlos shakes himself, trying to calm down. He knows that Grace is right; he turns 18 in three months, and he’s never done something like this, but he’s always been curious about what happens at house parties. He’s going to try to make the most of it, and he knows that if he doesn’t like it, he can leave at any time. With a deep breath, he clenches his jaw, moving up the path to the front door. 

Inside, the Blake house is pretty spacious, with less people than Carlos was expecting. Everyone is spread out, mingling in small groups. There’s music playing, but it’s not blasting throughout the house like teen movies have made him believe it would be; instead it’s mostly contained to the living room to his right, where space has been cleared for people to dance. Carlos steps further into the entryway, hands still in his pockets, bottom lip pressed nervously between his teeth as he tries to figure out what to do next.

“Reyes!” he hears behind him, and he turns to see Paul approaching him, a beer bottle in his hand and a bright smile on his face. Before Carlos can speak, he’s being pulled into a hug, the shorter man wrapping his strong arms around him in a steady embrace. A grin pulls at his lips, humored by Paul’s relaxed state, and he brings his arms up to grip the other guy tightly. Carlos feels some of the tension seep out at the comforting gesture. 

“Hi, Paul,” he says when they pull apart, glancing around them. “This is way more chill than I thought it would be.”

“Yeah, it’s not too bad yet,” Paul responds, taking a sip of his beer. “There’s usually a few people who go a little wild later in the evening, but it doesn’t take too much to get them under control. Is this your first party?” he asks, his eyebrows raising slightly in surprise. 

Carlos nods sheepishly, looking down at his feet as his hands return to his pockets. 

“Don’t look so worried,” Paul says, gripping his arm gently. “You’ll be fine. Come on, I know someone who’s going to freak when he sees you.” He keeps a hand on Carlos’s shoulder as he guides him through the house towards the backyard.

Carlos feels his heart race at Paul’s statement, a hope flaring in his chest as he considers who Paul might be talking about. He knows who he wants it to be, but he’s been disappointed before, and he decides not to throw himself into that situation again. It’s easier if he just lets things happen, without unrealistic expectations. 

They pass the kitchen, Carlos noticing how the large island is covered in a wide variety of bottles and mixers. He feels his palms start to sweat again, hoping it won’t be a big deal to anyone that he’s not a big drinker. 

Paul leads him through the open patio door, and Carlos takes in the large pool where numerous people are swimming and tossing around beach balls. He even spots a couple making out in a corner, tightly wrapped around each other, and though Carlos has never been a fan of that kind of PDA, he can’t help the way his heart yearns for a similar moment with a certain brown-haired someone. 

His eyes immediately zero in on said person as Paul steers him off to a corner of the backyard. TK’s back is to them, and Carlos can tell that he’s currently in the middle of a conversation with Marjan, his hands gesturing wildly as he speaks. Carlos smiles at the sight; he’s fondly watched TK hold court the same way from behind the counter at the cafe, and it’s never not endearing. 

“Strand,” Paul speaks up at his side, causing Carlos to jump slightly as he’s pulled out of his collection of TK memories. He watches how Marjan spots him first, a smile rising on her face, and then TK is turning towards him, and Carlos feels the breath leave his lungs.

TK has always been beautiful. He has these bright green eyes that Carlos sees every night in his dreams, and a smile that makes his heart ache. He’s always full of boundless energy, some part of his body always on the move, even when he’s trying to sit still and focus, and it makes Carlos want to wrap him in his arms and calm him down so that the man can have a moment of rest. Every single part of him lights a fire inside of Carlos, but he truly doesn’t mind the heat; he would probably let himself burn if it meant that he could have TK at his side.

The point is, TK has always been beautiful, but this is the first time that Carlos can remember being completely stunned at the sight of him. His bright eyes are alight and dancing in the light of the bonfire next to them, his face glowing as he smiles openly, a light blush coloring his cheeks. A sheen of sweat glistens on his forehead and neck, no doubt from the nearby fire and whatever drink he’s holding in his hand. Carlos feels his heart drop down into his stomach, the desire to reach out and touch him reaching a thrilling new high. 

“Carlos!” TK says in shock, his eyes wide as he takes him in, his gaze trailing down his body. Carlos awkwardly shifts a bit, feeling the way his tight black jeans drag uncomfortably against his skin. “You’re… I… What are you doing here?” TK asks, blinking rapidly as he struggles to choose his words. 

Carlos’s throat tightens at the question, suddenly realizing that TK had no idea he was coming. He turns to look at Paul, who jumps in with a steady hand on his arm. “Marjan and I invited him, when you were drying off in the bathroom the other day.”

TK turns to glare at Marjan, and Carlos feels his heart break in his chest. “I’m sorry,” he starts, his voice wavering in humiliation, “I’ll just go.”

He’s barely taken a step when he feels fingers on his wrist, the grip gentle but still enough to stop him in his tracks. He turns to find TK holding onto him, and Carlos can’t help the way his skin sings at the feeling of them touching for the second time this week.

“Please don’t leave,” TK pleads, his eyes shining as he bites his bottom lip. “Sorry for being an ass, I just wasn’t expecting to see you here.” He takes a breath, his thumb absentmindedly grazing along the vein on the inside of Carlos’s wrist, sending a shiver through him. “But I’m really happy that you came, Carlos.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Carlos sees Marjan and Paul back away, leaving the two of them alone. He locks eyes with TK, seeing the sincerity of his apology, and he nods, a small smile forming on his lips. With deep breath, TK releases his arm, the bright smile returning to his face. “Do you want a drink?” he asks, raising his cup to his lips to take a sip.

“Um, water would be good,” Carlos says, an embarrassed flush crawling up his neck at the request. If TK judges him for it, he doesn’t let it show. He just gives him a small nod, gesturing back towards the house. 

TK takes the lead, and Carlos falls slightly behind, his gaze falling to the other man’s hips as he walks them towards the house. Like Carlos, TK is wearing a tight pair of dark jeans, his strong thighs and calves clearly visible under the denim fabric. His eyes trail up TK’s back, noticing how drops of sweat have soaked through his close-fitting striped button-up. Carlos shakes his head, trying to clear away the sudden thought of his tongue pressed against TK’s slick skin; his jeans are way too tight for him to be thinking like that in a public setting. 

They enter the kitchen, and Carlos watches silently as TK dumps the rest of his drink into the sink before tossing his cup into the recycling bin. Then, he opens the fridge and pulls out two water bottles, handing one to Carlos with a soft smile.

“Thanks,” he says, taking a long drink. He catches TK staring at his throat before quickly looking away, his fingers tapping nervously against the countertop. “You didn’t have to dump your drink because of me,” Carlos continues, guilt crawling into his gut.

“Oh, no, it’s okay,” TK hurries to say, shaking his head. “I don’t like to drink too much, so I usually switch to water anyway. Alcohol has been known to make me stupid.” He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, a sure sign of anxiety, as Carlos has come to learn during their few interactions.

Carlos nods, his gaze roaming over the room. It’s still not as crazy as he was expecting; sure, there are a lot of people around, but no one’s running around acting stupid and breaking stuff like he imagined. 

“This is your first party, isn’t it?” TK asks suddenly, and Carlos feels himself flush.

“Is it that obvious?” 

“A little,” TK admits, reaching out to squeeze Carlos’s bicep. “Don’t worry, it’s really cute.”

Carlos stares at him, feeling the way his eyebrows rise up his forehead at TK’s claim. 

“Come on, we can go back outside where it’s quieter,” TK suggests, moving back towards the patio door. Carlos follows, his mind trying to keep up with his racing heart. 

TK leads him over to an empty porch swing, taking a seat and gesturing for Carlos to join him. Heart pounding in his chest, Carlos moves to sit next to him, sinking into the weather-resistant floral cushion. He can feel heat radiating off of TK, their shoulders only a few inches apart. He opens his mouth to break the awkward silence between them, but the words get caught in his throat, so instead he takes another sip of water to give himself something to do. 

“This is awkward, isn’t it?” TK finally says, and Carlos watches as he drums his fingers nervously against his leg. 

“Sorry, I’m just a little overwhelmed,” Carlos gets out, rolling his eyes at how stupid he feels. 

“Okay,” TK says, the word dragging out a bit. He shifts his position on the swing, pulling one leg up as he turns to face Carlos. “I feel like we’re thinking too much, so maybe we should just say the first thing that pops into our heads, and see where that goes,” he suggests, a somewhat desperate look taking over his face.

Carlos nods, shifting his own position to mirror TK. He stares at him for a moment, taking advantage of having him this close to drink him in. Then, before he can stop himself, he’s voicing a thought that has been running around in his brain since they last saw each other at the cafe.

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo.”

TK freezes for a moment, his surprise clear on his face, before letting out a bright, short laugh, running his hand through his hair as his smile widens. 

“Right, you saw that,” he confirms, and Carlos knows that TK’s thinking back to their moment in the bathroom; it’s a moment that Carlos can’t get out of his head, no matter how hard he tries. It feels like TK’s bare chest has been branded on the inside of his eyelids.

“It’s a Maltese Cross, isn’t it?” Carlos questions, knowing that he’s probably giving away more about his Internet search history than he probably should, but if TK got a tattoo of it, it’s probably pretty important to him, and he wants to hear him talk about it.

“Yeah,” TK says, and Carlos watches him hesitate for only a moment before he’s reaching down to undo the top two buttons of his shirt. Carlos holds his breath, his hands clenching into fists as TK’s pale, smooth skin is uncovered in front of him for the second time this week. TK pulls the now loose fabric to the side, and Carlos can see the tattoo clearly now, the black ink boldly displayed on the perfect canvas of his chest. Now that he’s been given permission to look closely, he notices the words “FIRE” and “RESCUE,” as well as a ladder, hydrant, and helmet. “I got it a few months ago for my 18th birthday,” TK explains.

“It’s for your dad, right?” Carlos asks, glancing up at TK as he remembers one of their earliest conversations at the coffee shop. 

“Um, yeah,” TK says, looking down at his chest. “And for me, too. I’m joining the fire academy in the fall.” 

Carlos can’t help it when he lets out a huff of surprise at that information. “No way, really?” he asks, his brain already conjuring up a number of images featuring TK in turnout gear and a helmet. He shifts slightly, trying to ignore the discomfort in his jeans.

“Yeah, it’s kind of all that I’ve ever wanted to do,” he explains, twisting his fingers together in his lap. “My dad has always been my biggest hero, and I just want to do what he does. You know, help people, make a difference...”

He trails off, and Carlos swears that he melts a little bit at his words, the affection that he already feels for TK settling in his chest, taking hold of his heart. The sudden shift causes him to panic a little, the terror that this is more than just a crush nearly incapacitating him. He shakes his head, trying to be calm; he doesn’t need to freak TK out.

“My dad was my hero, too,” he says, trying to keep his voice steady. “He was a police officer, and I think he really did want to help people like us, to give them someone to rely on.”

“What happened?” TK whispers, his body still for what might be the first time in Carlos’s memory. 

“He died when I was six,” he answers, looking up at TK with a sad smile. “High-speed auto accident while on-duty. For the longest time, I wanted to be just like him, pick up his mantle or whatever, but the older I get, the less sure I am about following his path.”

TK nods, clearly understanding what Carlos means. “So what is the post-graduation plan, then?” he asks, and Carlos hears genuine curiosity in his tone.

“I got accepted to TSU’s criminal justice program,” he reveals, gesturing vaguely. “I think I’m just hoping that the right path will be revealed to me if I take the right classes and learn enough about the system, but I don’t know...”

“You’re just looking for the best way to help people,” TK finishes for him, his gaze softening when Carlos nods. “Well, I think whatever you end up doing, you’ll be really great at it.”

Carlos gapes at him, his heartbeat skipping inside his chest as he struggles to process this night. This is the closest that he’s felt to TK in a really long time, and he’s so beyond happy that Grace convinced him to come. 

He’s lost in his thoughts, so unconsciously drawn to the man next to him, that he doesn’t even realize he’s reaching out towards TK until he makes contact with his skin, the pads of his fingers trailing along the black lines peeking out from under his shirt. He freezes, an apology already on his lips as he pulls his hand away, but before he can do so, TK is reaching up to grab his wrist, holding him there. 

Time stands still as the feeling of TK’s rapid heartbeat courses through his entire body, lighting up every molecule inside of him. Their eyes lock, each of them hardly breathing, and Carlos honestly feels like he might die right here on this porch swing in Iris Blake’s backyard. 

A loud shriek over by the pool sends them both careening back to reality, and Carlos quickly pulls his hand away as he glances around them. For a moment, he had completely forgotten that they were at a party surrounded by so many people, everything else having faded away into nothingness.

He looks back at TK, the other man giving him an odd look, his brows furrowed as he considers him. Carlos opens his mouth to ask what’s wrong, but TK beats him to it.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

Carlos feels a heat rise up the back of his neck, his mind rifling through all of the possibilities about what that question could mean. Before he can truly overthink it, he decides to just go with his gut, and hope that it takes him where he desperately wants them to go.

“Yeah,” he breathes out, a fond smile pulling at his lips as TK lets out an obvious sigh of relief. 

“Awesome,” he says, jumping to his feet, and Carlos can’t help but laugh at the display of nervous energy; it’s so recognizably TK that it makes his heart swell. “I’m going to go find Marjan or Paul to tell them that we’re leaving. I’ll meet you out front?” 

Carlos merely nods, the overwhelming feeling from before returning in full-force. TK smiles at him one more time before darting back into the house to find his friends. 

Left alone, Carlos leans forward to run his hands through his curls, letting out a deep breath. He never in a million years thought that this would happen when he showed up to this party, but now he knows that he’ll never regret coming. 

This night is already shaping up to be something he’ll never forget.

☕☕☕☕

TK feels like his brain is in overdrive, and his rapidly-beating heart is doing nothing to help calm the hyperactivity inside of him.

Back in the house, he shuts himself inside the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face to try to regain control. He can still feel the heat from Carlos’s fingers on his skin, the memory of his eyes on him sending shocks racing through his body. TK’s glad that he suggested a change of venue; he was this close to closing the distance between them and devouring Carlos in a way-to-dirty-for-public display of pent-up emotion and desire. Staring at his flushed face in the mirror, he’s relieved that he didn’t do that. He wants their first kiss, if they ever get there, to be special; Carlos deserves nothing less. 

With a sigh, he runs his fingers through his hair, styling it the way that he likes. He pulls out his phone, shooting a text to his group message with Marjan and Paul to tell them that he and Carlos are leaving early. Marjan immediately texts back three confetti cannon emojis, while Paul’s text comes in a few seconds later. It just reads “about damn time,” and TK rolls his eyes as he slides his phone into his back pocket, his smile widening as he thinks about spending more time alone with Carlos. 

This is already the best night of his life.

TK finds him standing on the front sidewalk, hands in his pockets as Carlos looks up at the night sky. He approaches silently, taking this rare opportunity to admire his wider-than-necessary shoulders and backside, his heart racing as he considers the very real possibility of getting to appreciate those features one day. He shakes his head, trying to clear the image from his mind; there’s no point in getting ahead of himself when they haven’t even talked about what’s happening between them.

“Hey,” TK says gently, coming to a stop next to Carlos, who turns and gives him a soft smile.

“Hi.” 

There’s a brief moment where they stand there, smiling at one another like there’s nothing else that they would rather be doing on a Friday night. Then, TK breaks the spell.

“Do you want to take a walk?”

Carlos seems a little surprised by the idea, his eyebrows raising slightly, but then he’s nodding, and TK swears that he sees a twinkle in his eye.

“Yeah, I’d love to take a walk with you.”

TK turns to his left, taking the lead, and Carlos quickly falls into step next to him. It’s quiet for a moment as they leave the Blake house behind, the sounds of the party fading away.

“I used to walk all the time back in New York,” TK starts, scrambling for something to say. “That’s probably not shocking, but I was a little disappointed when I found out that Austin is more of a driving city. I like to walk around my neighborhood, but it’s not exactly the same.”

“Do you miss it?” Carlos asks quietly, and TK glances over to find his eyes staring straight ahead. He seems normal, but TK catches the way he’s clenching his jaw just a little more than usual.

“Less and less,” he admits, looking down at his feet. “I think if I went back, New York would feel like a whole other world to me now. My home is here, in Austin.”

“Well, that’s a little surprising,” Carlos huffs, his voice thin. “I remember a time when all you wanted to do was move back to New York, you couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

TK feels his breath catch in his throat. It’s the first time either of them have acknowledged their pre-Homecoming relationship since it fell apart. He feels a new kind of tension between them, one that makes him uneasy. He wonders if this is it, the moment when they put their past out there.

“Do you have a plan for where we’re going?” Carlos asks suddenly as they reach the end of the street, and TK looks over to see him glancing down the road, his bottom lip pressed between his teeth.

“I, um,” TK begins, his nerves making it hard to speak clearly, “I actually live just a few blocks away, if you don’t mind walking me home?”

Carlos turns to face him, his eyes wide. TK stares back, wanting more than anything to just get lost in his gaze. Carlos has a way of making him feel like he’s wrapped up in a safe blanket with just one look, and it makes him long for a day where they can just be together, in whatever way makes sense, without any hang-ups. 

“Sure,” he says gently. 

They turn to the left again, another silence falling between them. TK twists his hands together in front of him, working up the courage to finally face the elephant on the sidewalk.

“Carlos, I’m sorry,” he blurts out, a heat rising on his cheeks as the other man turns towards him, his confusion clear. “For Homecoming, and Alex, and everything that happened that weekend,” he barrels on before Carlos can speak.

He watches as Carlos clenches his jaw again, shaking his head as he looks away. “Okay, um, thank you, I guess? But I don’t understand, you apologized for that a long time ago, and I forgave you already.”

TK eyes him, noticing how tense his shoulders are, so he decides to push further. He doesn’t want anything to go unspoken between them, not anymore, not when they’ve come this far. 

“I know, but it was a terrible fucking apology, and you deserved better,” he continues. “I basically forced Alex to come and visit me, and he really hated being here. I knew that, he wasn’t quiet about it, and I still dragged him to Carolina’s. I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to share my favorite place with him,” he says, stumbling over the confession. “I didn’t know that he would take his bad mood out on you and Paul and Marjan like that.”

“Yeah,” Carlos breaks in, and TK can hear an edge in his voice that crushes him. “I mean, I think we can all admit that Texas isn’t without its flaws, but it’s still not fun to listen to some asshole shit on your hometown for two hours and not be able to say anything because you’re at work.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry that you had to deal with him--”

“TK, you don’t have to apologize, he clearly wasn’t sorry about what he said.”

“No, I know, I know,” TK clarifies, his movements agitated as they turn onto his street. “I’m not apologizing for him, I’m apologizing for putting you in that position. You didn’t deserve it, and I did nothing to stop him and I should have, and I’m sorry, Carlos. I’m so sorry.”

Carlos stops in his tracks at the clear emotion in TK’s voice, reaching out to grip his arms soothingly. “Hey, TK, it’s okay. It was over a year ago, you apologized the very next time I saw you, and I eventually got over it.”

“Did you?” TK hears himself ask before he can stop the question. He watches as Carlos rapidly blinks, visibly swallowing, his fingers still pressed against TK’s skin.

“It’s just…” TK begins, looking away quickly as he feels frustrated tears forming; the last thing he wants to do is cry tonight. “You were the first good thing that I found here, Carlos. That summer, those first weeks of school, I thought we were… I don’t know, becoming friends, I guess. But then after Homecoming, there was this distance between us and I couldn’t figure out how to get rid of it, and now I don’t know what we are.”

TK isn’t expecting it when Carlos pulls him close, wrapping his arms around him to steady him. He freezes, his heart liquifying in his chest as he struggles to comprehend the embrace. TK has literally thought about what it would be like to hug Carlos since that very first day, long before it was appropriate for him to be thinking of the barista in that way. Still, he couldn’t help but to imagine those strong arms holding him tight, their chests pressed tightly together. 

He realizes now that he vastly underestimated how perfect it would feel to have Carlos so close. TK wraps his own arms around him before he can pull away, leaning in to rest his chin on Carlos’s shoulder. He feels completely surrounded and whole, all of his senses assaulted by their proximity. He can smell the familiar scent of Carlos’s laundry detergent, except this time it’s not mixed with the smell of coffee, but something else, something that TK just knows is inherently Carlos, and that discovery makes his heart race. He desperately wants to discover everything there is to know about this man in his arms.

Eventually, they pull apart, TK purposefully dragging his hands down Carlos’s back and around his waist before separating from him completely. They avoid each other’s eyes, awkwardly turning back to walk in the direction they were heading. TK steals a glance at the same time that Carlos does, their eyes meeting briefly before they quickly look away again. He can’t help the bubble of giddy laughter that crawls up his throat, his heart skipping when he hears Carlos respond with a laugh of his own.

“For the record, I’m sorry, too,” Carlos says, his deep, soothing voice cutting through the still night air. “That first summer you were here, I also thought we were… becoming something. And I guess meeting Alex was a bit of a surprise, and I didn’t react to it very well. I think some sense of self-preservation led to me pulling back a bit. That was selfish of me, and I’m sorry that I hurt you or confused you.”

At Carlos’s confession, TK feels a long-misplaced part of his heart finally slide back to where it belongs, the clear understanding of where they went wrong like a giant weight lifted from him. 

He stops at the end of his driveway, noticing his dad’s truck parked in front of the garage. He didn’t realize it was late enough for him to be home from work. He knows he should probably go inside, but he can’t help but turn back towards Carlos, seeing the way his brown eyes scan his face, his brows furrowed in thought.

“So,” TK starts, wiggling his head a bit to help lessen the tension of the moment. 

“So,” Carlos responds, a grin appearing on his face.

“So,” TK repeats, dragging the world out as he dares to reach out and poke Carlos’s arm, “where does that leave us now? You know, without the Alex-shaped hole between us?”

Carlos stares at him for a moment, considering his question, before holding out his hand.

“Hey, I’m Carlos,” he says, raising an eyebrow, challenging TK to meet him halfway.

“I’m TK,” he responds, taking Carlos’s hand in his and shaking it. He feels ridiculous, and Carlos must, too, because they both crack up in laughter at the same time. 

“It’s nice to meet you, TK,” Carlos says, stepping back, his eyes glinting as his smile remains firmly in place. TK may let out a lovelorn sigh at the sight, but he’s not entirely sure.

Carlos is a little ways back down the sidewalk when a question pops into TK’s head, and he doesn’t hesitate to ask it, raising his voice so that Carlos can hear him clearly.

“Does this mean that we have to forget everything we already know about each other?”

Carlos turns towards him, continuing to walk backwards. Even from a distance, TK can tell that he’s the most beautiful person in the entire world, bar none.

“Of course not,” Carlos yells back, raising his arms in a wide gesture. “It just means we get to learn more!”

TK doesn’t take his eyes off him until he’s completely out of sight, and even then, he swears he’ll never forget that final view of a relaxed, carefree, and gorgeous Carlos Reyes bathed in the Texas moonlight for as long as he lives.

☕☕☕☕

For the seventh or eighth time this week, Carlos finds himself absentmindedly scrubbing down the espresso machine, the cloth towel in his hand growing dirtier and dirtier as he presses into every crease and crevice of his station. Grace has started joking that if he keeps it up, they may be able to resell it for the cost of a new one, since no one will be able to tell that it’s been used before. 

He apologizes every time she cracks the joke, but his friend just waves him off, and he goes back to his mindless scrubbing, once again getting lost in his overwhelming thoughts.

It’s been nearly two weeks since he walked TK home from Iris Blake’s party, and Carlos feels like he’s entered an alternate reality. His daily routine hasn’t changed in the slightest; he still wakes up, goes to school, and then most days of the week he works at the coffee shop. When he’s not at the cafe, he’s at home, spending time with his sisters or cooking with his mom. Arguably, it’s the life that he’s always known.

Except it’s not, because now there’s this specter hanging over every part of his day, and his name is TK Strand. Every morning he wakes up clutching a pillow to his chest, imagining that it’s TK’s firm body pressed against him, the ghost of their hug still fresh in his mind. When he’s at school, they share a few classes, and he can’t help but to glance over at TK every chance he gets, a thrill coursing through him when he finds him looking back. When he’s at home, moving around the kitchen with his mom, he can’t help but imagine what it would be like to hang out and cook with TK, the two of them pressed close as they try out new recipes together.

TK still shows up at the coffee shop most days of the week, and Carlos would be a little concerned about his obvious coffee addiction if he wasn’t so damn excited to see him each and every time. TK will place his usual order, which Carlos will always have started before he even utters a word, and then he’ll move down to the end of the counter to stand on the other side of the espresso machine, his face lit up into a smile that Carlos feels is made just for him. 

The first time TK showed up at Carolina’s after the party, Carlos was so nervous that he spilled a carton of milk all over the floor. Grace, who had been working with him, had helped him clean up the mess and then, when their line died down, dragged him into the kitchen, a knowing smirk on her face.

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” she had asked, her voice low as she leaned towards him. 

“It was nothing, my hand just slipped,” Carlos assured her, feeling a heat rise on his cheeks as his voice came out higher than normal.

“Carlos, you are meticulous when you’re at work. You hardly ever spill,” Grace had reminded him, bringing a gentle hand up to cup his cheek. “There’s only one person who makes you nervous enough to throw you off your game, and I just happened to notice how he walked through the door right before your little accident.”

Carlos had groaned, dropping his eyes to the floor. Then, like a giant wave careening onto an unsuspecting beach, he was telling her every single thing that had happened at the party the previous evening. 

“Oh my god, Carlos!” Grace had cried when he was through, jumping up and down with her hands pressed to mouth. “Oh my god! So what are you guys now? Are you going to ask him out?” 

“I don’t know, Gracie,” he had admitted, biting his lip. “I think we’re going to start over, try to be friends again.”

“And you’re okay with that?” she had questioned, giving him a knowing look. “Carlos, you’re practically in love with the guy.”

The conversation had ended there, the sound of a ringing bell forcing them back out to work. Carlos remembers that conversation now as he continues scrubbing down the espresso machine. It’s all he’s been able to think about for the past few days.

Before, he would’ve written off Grace’s claim that he was in love with TK as just her being dramatic, but that was before their walk together under the stars. He’s always had those feelings for the other guy, from the moment he first saw him. He was telling TK the truth when he said that he thought they were becoming something, and he’s spent more than a year convincing himself that he made it all up in his head, running through every single one of their conversations in his head to figure out how he missed the warning signs that TK was unavailable and uninterested.

So yeah, he might be a little in love with TK, even though they’ve been mere classmates for the better part of fifteen months, but he can’t help it; he knows that the way TK makes him feel isn’t just some simple high school crush. Carlos has experienced those, back before junior year, and he’s even gained experience from them. He’s by no means unpracticed when it comes to feeling things for other guys. Sure, he’s never publicly been with anyone, but there have been stolen moments around corners, or in a truck bed parked in an empty field. The point is, he knows what he wants from other guys and what those things can make him feel, and it’s nothing compared to what he wants with TK, or how he feels about him.

For the past two weeks, they’ve been closer than they’ve ever been as they explore their new friendship. TK will pass him in the hall, a bright smile aimed his way and a quick “hi” on his lips, and Carlos will always return the greeting. Sometimes he’ll turn back at the end of the hall and see that TK has done the same, a flutter running through his chest as they make eye contact again, before they both head off to class. Just this week, TK started texting him ridiculous memes and gifs, his messages always filled with as many emojis as he can bring himself to add, and Carlos hurries to text him back every time, his messages carrying a much more reserved tone with fewer emojis, but always full of interest and excitement at getting to hear from him. 

This friendship between them is still finding its footing, and Carlos doesn’t mind moving slow; if he and TK are truly meant for more, he knows that they have no shortage of time to figure it out.

“Earth to Carlos,” Grace says, waving her hand in front of his face to snap him out of his thoughts. He turns to look at her, feeling the way the tips of his ears heat up in embarrassment, and tries not to automatically glance over to the far corner of the room where he knows a certain someone is sitting with his nose in a book. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he says, grabbing the empty to-go cup in her other hand and looking down to read the order she’s written on the side. 

“Are you okay?” Grace asks, ducking down to look her in the face as he presses the buttons he needs on the machine. “I know you’ve been extra spacey lately, but that was a little much even for you. I thought I might have to pull the fire alarm or something to get your attention.”

He gives her a laugh, and it sounds forced even to his own ears. “I’m fine, I promise,” he tells her, focusing his attention on the drink he’s making. “Just thinking about homework that I still have to finish tonight.”

The lie sounds hollow even to his own ears, and he can tell that Grace doesn’t believe him by the way she scoffs in response, but instead of calling him on it, she just turns back to the display case, pulling out some unsold pastries to put into the walk-in overnight.

Carlos grabs the milk, pouring it into the metal canister and moving it under the steam tap. As he waits for it to heat up, he steals a quick peek over to the corner where TK is hunched over the table, focusing on a book in front of him.

It’s nearing closing time, with only a little over an hour left of Carlos’s shift, and TK has been here for almost four hours at this point. Paul and Marjan were with him when he arrived, all of them sitting on their usual couch, chatting and working on homework. However, they left about two hours ago, around 6; normally, they all leave together, and Carlos still doesn’t know what may have caused the sudden change to their routine. 

There are only a handful of people in the cafe now, most of them sitting at various tables typing away at their laptops while their coffees grow cold next to them. Carlos finishes up the cappuccino that he’s working on, passing it over to the girl waiting at the counter with a smile. Then, riding the wave of a sudden idea, he turns back towards Grace, rearranging his face into what he hopes is an innocently endearing expression. 

“Gracie, do you mind if I take a minute?” he asks, biting his lip to really sell it. She turns towards him, raising her brows; he hardly ever asks for a break, so he understands the surprise.

“Yeah, of course,” she says, reaching out to grip his elbow in support. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh yeah, I just, um...,” he hesitates, wondering if he should be upfront with her; he decides that, as his best friend, she will definitely understand. “I wanted to check-in with someone,” twisting his body in the direction of the corner couch, a small smile growing on his face.

Grace’s gaze softens, a twinkle lighting up her eyes. “Go ahead, loverboy. I’m only allowing this since you’ve already cleaned your station within an inch of its life, okay? Don’t expect these kinds of perks all the time.”

Carlos laughs, giving her a quick hug before untying his apron from around his waist and turning to place it on a hook. Then, he grabs a napkin from the dispenser and reaches towards the half-empty display case to grab a chocolate chip cookie, shooting Grace a wink as he circles around the counter.

“You’re such a charmer,” she says quietly after him, and he feels his heart pounding in his ears, but he keeps walking before he can talk himself out of his plan.

TK doesn’t notice him approaching; he’s too busy scratching away at what looks to Carlos like a very long math problem. Taking a chance, he places the cookie on top of the open page of TK’s textbook. 

TK freezes at the close movement, turning to stare at the dessert. Even with his head down, Carlos can see the way TK’s lips rise into a smile, but he’s still not prepared when that smile is directed his way, TK finally looking up at him with those bright green eyes.

“Hi,” Carlos says gently, his own smile growing the longer he stares at TK.

“Hi,” he says back, his own voice slightly rough from hours of disuse. “Do you guys offer table treats now?” he asks, gesturing towards the cookie.

“Only for the really special people,” Carlos fires back, his fingers twitching nervously at his sides. “Besides, you looked like you were fading a bit, so I thought you could use something sweet.”

TK groans, throwing himself back on the couch in a pout that is definitely way too adorable for Carlos to witness right now. It just makes him want to run his fingers through his hair to calm him down.

“I’m currently questioning my decision to take calculus this year,” TK explains, curling his bottom lip as he looks up at Carlos. He quickly looks away, fixing his eyes on the table, so that he doesn’t do something stupid like straddle him on the couch and pull that lip between his teeth. 

“Do you mind if I take a look?” he asks instead, reaching for the half-completed worksheet. At TK’s nod, Carlos glances down at it. He’s not in calculus, having elected to take statistics this semester for his math credit, which means that he really has no idea what he’s looking at. Still, he wonders if his lack of understanding might be helpful anyway.

“Okay, you finished this one, right?” Carlos asks, moving quickly around the table to sit down on the couch next to TK, who sits up to see where he’s pointing.

“Yeah, that one wasn’t too hard.”

“Okay, so what’s different about this one?” Carlos questions, staring down at the paper and intentionally ignoring how TK’s warm body is pressed to his side as they lean towards one another. 

TK launches into an explanation, pointing out the different parts of the completed problem and how it varies from the current one. Carlos listens closely, having no clue what he’s actually saying, and he can tell when TK solves his problem mid-sentence by the way the light in his eyes change, becoming brighter and more alive. He grabs the paper out of Carlos’s hand, leaning forward to scribble down the answer to the equation. 

Carlos can’t help the way his heart swells in his chest, the thought of him and TK studying together assaulting his brain without warning. He realizes how much he really wants that, to be by TK’s side whenever he works through a problem just so he can watch how his beautiful green eyes light up with excitement and pride. 

“Oh my god,” TK says, tossing his pencil down and leaning back to sink into the couch again. “I’ve been trying to solve that for like the past ten minutes, you’re the best.”

“I didn’t do anything, that was all you,” Carlos reminds him, shooting him a quick smile. “Sometimes it helps to explain things as simply as possible to get back to the basics.”

TK’s silent for a moment, staring at him with a fond look, before he huffs out a light laugh. “Well, you still helped. You’re a good study partner.”

“Thanks,” Carlos replies, his cheeks flushing. He turns back towards the table. “How about that sugar break now?” 

He reaches for the cookie, handing it over to TK. The man looks down at it for a second before breaking it in two, offering half of it to Carlos. “Share it with me?”

Carlos takes the cookie, watching as TK brings his piece up to his mouth to take a bite. He’s not expecting it when he moans around the baked good, and Carlos has to look away, swallowing an indecent noise of his own. He’s so glad that he’s seated, though he takes a moment to adjust his hips until he’s more comfortable.

“Oh my god, this is so good,” TK groans out, taking another bite. Carlos takes a bite of his own, just to give himself something to do. “I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”

That raises a question that Carlos didn’t even realize he had until now. “You’ve been here all night, did you even eat dinner?”

TK stares over at him, a guilty expression on his face. “I forgot?” 

“TK--”

“In my defense, I’m completely swamped with homework, which makes me a little anxious sometimes. I skip a lot of meals, it’s not a big deal.”

Carlos clenches his jaw, not wanting to make a fuss out of something that’s not his business. “Do you want me to make you something? We’ve got sandwiches, I could heat one up for you.”

He rises from the couch, already planning to go raid the walk-in and see what’s available, but TK stops him with a gentle hand on his wrist. It’s the first time they’ve touched since the night of the party, and Carlos feels the way electricity courses through his entire body. 

“I’m okay,” TK says, when Carlos finally turns back towards him. He let’s go of his wrist when he realizes Carlos is staying put. “I should probably leave anyway, since you guys are closing soon.”

Carlos looks around, noticing that there are only a few people left in the coffee shop. Grace is already cleaning off the empty tables, and Carlos realizes that he must have taken a longer break than he planned. Still, he doesn’t want to say goodbye to TK just yet.

“Have you started your English assignment yet?” Carlos asks out of nowhere, watching as TK’s eyes widen at the sudden question.

“No, I still have to finish the reading,” TK admits, tilting his head in confusion.

“Me too,” Carlos says, taking a step closer. “Maybe we could… work on it together?”

There’s a moment where he holds his breath, waiting to see if TK will pick up on his hint. He doesn't want to be too forward, but he really wants another chance to see TK outside of school and the cafe. 

“Yeah,” TK finally admits, a small smile appearing at the corner of his mouth. “Maybe I could… hang around until you get off? I know a certain fire captain’s house where you can get an awesome grilled cheese sandwich at this hour.”

Carlos lets out a breath, his heart racing at the suggestion. He’s glad to see that they’re already on the same wavelength.

“I’ll need to check with my mom first, make sure it’s okay,” he says, twisting his fingers together. 

“Yeah, of course,” TK says, giving him a nod as his eyes shine in the lamp lights. “It’s a date: you, me, grilled cheese, and Hamlet.”

Carlos feels his heart nearly explode in his chest at TK’s word choice, but instead of verbally freaking out about it, he just gives him a quick nod before he’s rushing back to the counter to grab his phone. 

A few minutes later, after a very hurried call with his mother, who sternly tells him to be home by 11, he’s enthusiastically helping Grace flip the chairs in the dining area, his gaze continuously pulled towards his cute, brown-haired study date waiting for him in the corner of the room.

Carlos tries his best to ignore the knowing smirk that Grace gives him the entire time.

☕☕☕☕

When TK wakes up, there are a number of things that he notices right away.

For one, he seems to have fallen asleep in his jeans, which are now bunched up around his hips. He also seems to be sitting up, which is definitely not his preferred sleeping position, and he’s about to open his eyes to try and figure why he fell asleep in such an uncomfortable way, when he realizes that he’s not alone.

There’s a slight pressure running along his back and against his hip, as well as a weight pressing down on top of his head. Under his cheek, he feels soft fabric, which he thought was just his pillowcase, but now he realizes that whatever’s underneath the fabric is much more firm than any of his pillows. When he inhales deeply, he recognizes the familiar scent of coffee, laundry detergent, and a smell that he associates with only one other person.

He opens his eyes slowly, hardly daring to breathe. Beneath him, he watches as Carlos’s broad chest rises and falls as he sleeps peacefully. TK’s not sure how they got into this situation, but he’s folded himself into Carlos’s side, his head resting on his shoulder near his neck, his left hand thrown across his waist. Carlos has wrapped an arm around him, holding him close, as he rests his head on top of TK’s. It might not be the most comfortable position for either of them, but the intimacy of it thrills him, and without even thinking, he turns his face to bury himself further into Carlos’s neck, a contented sigh rising up his throat.

TK shuts his eyes, planning to just fall back to sleep in Carlos’s arms, when he hears someone clear their throat pointedly. He freezes, recognizing the sound, before quickly pulling away from Carlos to look towards his dad, who is standing in the doorway to their living room.

“Dad, you’re home! I--” TK begins, but before he can try to explain, he hears a soft groan next to him. He feels Carlos’s arm tighten around him as the boy shifts closer, his face pressing into the space under TK’s chin. 

“Wait, TK, don’t go anywhere,” Carlos mumbles, clearly still asleep, and TK flushes at both his words and his actions, watching as his dad’s eyes widen at their new positions.

“Carlos,” TK says gently into his ear, shaking him a bit. “Carlos, wake up.”

TK can tell the minute Carlos realizes that he’s not dreaming; he freezes for a second before suddenly pulling away completely. TK watches as he blinks rapidly, his eyes darting around the room as he figures out where he is and what’s going on. At the sight of his dad in the far corner of the room, Carlos jumps to his feet, straightening his clothes as he stands straight. From his position on the couch next to him, TK can see his hands shaking.

“Captain Strand,” Carlos huffs out, his voice trembling with nerves. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

TK can’t help but to admire how, even in a terrifying moment like this, Carlos is still so polite and respectful. He rises from the couch, bringing a hand up to grip Carlos’s shoulder in support.

“Dad, I wasn’t expecting you home yet,” TK says, and he feels the way Carlos relaxes slightly now that he’s taking over the conversation. “I thought you worked until 11 tonight.”

His dad’s expression changes to one of confusion as he stares at both of them. Then, he’s lifting up his arm to point at his wristwatch. “TK, it’s almost midnight.”

The change is almost instantaneous. One moment, Carlos is standing next to him, and then the next, he’s diving for his phone on the table next to them, a loud sound of distress pouring out of him when he confirms the time. 

“Oh my god, no,” Carlos says, his attention focused on his phone. He brings it up to his ear, his hand shaking so bad that TK worries that he might drop it. The minute the call connects, Carlos’s face crumbles.

“Mami, Mami,” he says quickly, his breathing labored as he runs his free hand through his curls. He continues the conversation in Spanish, his voice high and strained, turning his back on TK and his dad to face the wall. 

TK may be in his fourth year of Spanish, but that doesn’t mean much, and it’s clear that Carlos wants a bit of privacy, so he doesn’t try to figure out what he’s saying. He struggles to remember their conversation from earlier, his brain cutting back to Carlos telling him he had to be home by 11, and that thought spurs him into action.

As quickly as possible, he gathers all of Carlos’s things that are spread out on the table from their study session, reaching for his backpack on the floor. He pulls out a jacket that Carlos has inside, knowing that it’s probably much cooler outside than it was nearly 3 hours ago. He looks around to make sure that he’s got everything, and when he’s sure he does, he turns back to Carlos, who still has his back to him.

He takes in the tense set of his friend’s shoulders, how they’re raised so high that he can barely see his neck. Carlos is pacing now, his hand pressed to his face as he speaks to his mom; TK knows that he’s trying to appear calm, he can tell by the way he’s keeping his voice as steady as possible. After a few more seconds, he hangs up the call, and TK watches as a small sob rolls through his body, Carlos all but curling in on himself at the weight of the stress. 

“Carlos…” TK starts hesitantly, coming up behind him. Carlos turns towards him immediately, his eyes shining with tears.

“She was so scared,” he cries out, and TK closes the distance between them to pull him into a hug, his hands coming up to rub against his back. Carlos holds him back, clearly needing TK to help him remain standing. “It’s been almost an hour, and she didn’t know anything, and I put her through that.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” TK says soothingly, squeezing Carlos tighter. “We fell asleep, it was an accident. She knows you’re okay now, and you can explain everything to her when you get home. So, let’s get you home, okay?” 

Carlos nods, letting out a labored breath, and TK pulls away to hand him his jacket. While Carlos puts it on, TK reaches for his phone and his keys, but he’s stopped by his dad speaking for the first time since revealing the time.

“I’ll drive you home, Carlos,” he says, and TK looks up to find him giving Carlos a sympathetic, comforting look.

“Dad, it’s okay, I can--”

“No, TK. It’s midnight on a school night, you need to go to bed,” his dad cuts him off, voice firm. “End of discussion.”

TK turns back to Carlos, noticing how he isn’t really present in the moment. His brows are still furrowed, eyes a little wild, and there’s a tear track down his cheek. TK grabs his backpack, handing it over to him, and then, because it’s something he really wants to do, he pulls Carlos into another quick hug.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he whispers in his ear, turning his face slighting to touch his lips to Carlos’s overheated skin. It’s not really meant to be a kiss, and Carlos doesn’t seem to notice it anyway. He merely nods again before he’s rushing out of the room. With one last look his way, TK watches as his dad turns to follow him, the front door closing firmly behind him.

TK is alone for about 30 minutes, and he doesn’t stay still for a single second of that time. After he paces in front of the window, watching as his dad’s truck pulls out of the drive, he turns back to the living room, moving to gather all of his school work back into his backpack. He’ll just have to finish his English homework during his free period tomorrow. He grabs the plates and cups that he and Carlos used for dinner, taking them into the kitchen. He finishes loading the dishwasher, pressing start to run it. The gentle sound fills the quiet space as TK roams around the room, trying to figure out what to do next.

He heads upstairs to change for bed, switching his jeans for a pair of comfy sweatpants. He hesitates for just a moment before grabbing the soft green t-shirt from his desk chair, pulling it on. It still fits loosely over his torso, and no longer smells like coffee and Carlos’s laundry detergent, but he doesn’t care; it’s the closest he can be to the other guy right now, and feeling close to him is all he wants. 

He heads into the bathroom, getting ready for bed, his mind spinning back to the evening and the time they spent together before falling asleep. When they had first arrived at his house, TK had immediately led Carlos to the kitchen, pulling out all of the ingredients that he needed for grilled cheese sandwiches. As he stood at the stove, toasting the bread and waiting for the cheese to melt, he and Carlos had talked. Carlos shared his love of cooking, talking about how he and his mom would make dinner together as often as possible; he got a faraway look in his eyes as he spoke, his affection for his mother clear-as-day, and TK swears he fell more in love with him at that moment.

As he stands in front of his bathroom mirror, toothbrush dangling from his mouth, TK realizes that what he feels for Carlos is more than just a high school crush. He was with Alex for almost two years, the two of them getting together early freshman year, and he never felt even a fraction of what he feels when he’s with Carlos during that time. It doesn’t matter where they are - school, the cafe, his kitchen, or a sidewalk - he can’t help but feel drawn to him. He wakes up every morning from dreams about Carlos’s bright smile and kind eyes, and he falls asleep every night imagining his strong arms wrapped around him, holding TK like he’s something precious and valued.

He’s startled out of his daze by the sound of the front door opening. He quickly spits out his toothpaste and rinses his mouth out before he takes the stairs two at a time, finding his dad in the kitchen.

“Mrs. Reyes sent me home with some empanadas,” he says, opening the fridge to find a place for them. He doesn’t seem at all surprised to find TK still awake.

“Is he okay?” TK asks, his worry for Carlos rearing up again now that his dad’s back.

“He’s fine, TK,” his dad assures him, giving him a gentle look. “His mom was worried sick, but very happy to see him, and I explained the whole situation to her. I think they’ll both be okay.”

TK lets out a sigh of relief, his heart hammering in his chest. “He was so scared,” he whispers, his voice trembling at the memory of Carlos breaking down in front of them.

His dad must see something on his face, because he comes up to TK and pulls him into a solid hug. TK sinks into his embrace, feeling protected the way he always does when his dad holds him like this. 

“He’s a good kid, and he clearly cares a lot about his mom,” his dad confirms. “He spent the entire drive there on edge, and he didn’t relax until he was able to give her a hug.”

“His dad was a police officer,” TK explains, the pieces coming together in his mind. “He died in a car accident while on-duty.”

“Oh,” his dad says, and nothing more. TK knows they’re both thinking the same thing; growing up in the home of a first responder means living with a certain fear that never really goes away.

After a moment, TK pulls away, looking down at his feet. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was having someone over. It was kind of sudden, and he wasn’t supposed to be here so late.”

“I’m not mad, TK,” his dad tells him, bringing his hand up to cup the back of TK’s neck gently. “You’re 18, and you’ve spent a long time learning to take care of yourself. I trust you.”

TK nods, a small weight lifting off his chest.

“I know I was never crazy about Alex,” his dad continues, “but Carlos seems like a really good guy. You didn’t have to keep him a secret from me.”

TK freezes, his mouth dropping open in slight shock at his dad’s implication. “I’m not d-dating Carlos, Dad,” he stutters out in a hurried breath.

“Oh, really?” his dad questions, and TK spots a twinkle in his eye. “Well, I don’t think either of you have gotten the memo on that one, so you should probably talk that out at some point,” he teases, stepping away to leave the room, probably to head upstairs. 

TK quickly follows after him, his heart pounding in his chest. “Hey, Dad,” he calls out, watching as he pauses on the stairs to turn back towards him. “Do you think it’s possible to meet your forever person in high school?”

It’s a fear that he can’t shake; he knows that most high school relationships end soon after graduation, and the idea that that could happen for him and Carlos if they started something in the last months of high school sometimes keeps him awake at night. The last thing he wants to do is lose him when he just got him back.

His dad gives him a serious look, almost as if he can hear TK’s thoughts. “I think a relationship takes a lot of work, no matter how old you are,” he begins, his face shifting into an expression of sympathy. “When you’re younger and you know less about yourself and the world around you, it can be more challenging. People don’t always expect to change so much, and that can be hard on a couple.”

TK nods, biting his bottom lip as he glances down at his feet again.

“If you want my advice? Don’t think of someone as your forever person,” his dad finishes. “Most people struggle to live up to that kind of pressure. If you’re going to be with someone, it should be because they matter to you at that moment. Now, that doesn’t mean that, if two people change, they will stop mattering to one another. People can grow together, but they’ve got to allow each other to do that. Don’t get lost in the idea of a lifetime and lose sight of the individual moments that make up life, TK.”

TK glances back up when he hears his dad begin to climb the stairs again. “Thanks, Dad,” he gets out before he can disappear.

“Oh, and TK?” his dad calls down from the top of the stairs. “If you’re not telling Carlos how you really feel because you’re afraid it won’t last, I don’t think you’re being fair to yourself or to him. You’ve gotta give yourself a chance to see what you can become together, and you can’t be scared of that.”

With that, his dad turns into his bedroom, closing the door behind him, and TK is left to mull over every thought that he has had about Carlos in the past two weeks. 

When he finally drifts off to sleep around two in the morning, completely exhausted, he’s made a decision about what he truly wants.

He wants Carlos. 

☕☕☕☕

Carlos doesn’t go to school the next day. 

HIs panic attack from the night before leaves him physically and emotionally drained, and when he wakes up, he feels like he’s in a daze. He must look pretty pathetic, because when his mom sees him she sends him straight back to bed, already picking up the phone to call his school.

He wakes up again around 11, feeling better. He also has a text waiting for him on his phone, from TK. Before he even opens it to read what it says, he feels his heart racing.

Sorry again for what happened last night. I hope you’re okay.

Carlos has no idea what he did to deserve having someone like TK in his life. Their history might be rocky, and they may have had to wipe the slate clean to find their way to where they are now, but Carlos wouldn’t trade a single moment of that for the entire world.

He shoots back a quick text letting TK know that he’s fine, just not feeling very well. Then, before he can spend the entire day hovering over his phone like a lovesick idiot, he puts it on silent and gets out of bed. 

Most of his day consists of him roaming around the house, finding ways to stay busy; he does some laundry, cleans the kitchen and living room, sweeps the floors. After lunch, he finishes up his homework from last night just so that he doesn’t have to think about it over the weekend. When he’s feeling restless, he decides to go for a run. It helps to clear his mind of all of his lingering panic and worry, which just leaves him with overwhelming thoughts about one person in particular. 

He was so caught up in fear and guilt over what he put his mother through, that he didn’t even get a chance to process what all happened last night. Carlos has dreamed of waking up with TK in his arms so many nights that he’s lost count, which is why he initially had such a hard time believing that it had actually happened. But, it did. They had fallen asleep on the couch and cuddled together, and it was the best feeling in the entire world. If he remembers hard enough, he can still smell TK’s hair from when he used it as a pillow, he can still feel the weight of TK’s arm around his waist. It may have been an incredibly uncomfortable position to rest, but it was the best sleep that Carlos has ever had.

He thinks back to before then, when they sat next to one another reading Shakespeare, their knees pressed together as they each read lines and talked about the characters. TK had a lot of opinions about Hamlet’s constant overthinking and hesitation, and Carlos loved listening to him rant about how the play could’ve been so much shorter if someone else had been given the revenge task. He definitely remembers laughing in the middle of one of those rants, and TK’s look of absolute betrayal will stay with him for the rest of his life.

Later than evening, he’s helping his mother with dinner, his thoughts wandering back to TK making them grilled cheeses the night before, when she cuts through his mental daydreaming about how perfect it would be to relive last night all over again, minus breaking his curfew.

“You’re thinking about that boy again, mijo,” she says, looking up at him with what can only be described as fond exasperation. He feels his face flush as he sautés the peppers in the skillet in front of him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he responds, his voice thin. She just huffs out a laugh.

“You have this look that you get sometimes, like you’re off on some other planet,” his mom explains, bringing a hand up to caress his cheek. “I didn’t know what it was before, but I think I do now.”

Carlos remains silent, waiting for her to ask the question that he knows is coming. Sure enough, it doesn’t take long for her to voice it.

“Is it the fire captain’s son?” 

He hesitates just a moment before he turns to look at her, answering her question with a nod.

“Oh, mijo,” she says, a smile taking over her face as she brings her other hand up, holding his face between her palms. “If he’s anything like his dad, I bet he’s adorable.”

He can’t help but let out a laugh; he could tell his mom was a little taken aback by Captain Strand showing up with him last night, still dressed in his uniform.  

“He’s beautiful, Mami,” he breathes out, the dam breaking on all of his thoughts. “He has these pretty green eyes that just shine so bright, and he’s so smart and passionate and caring. I just feel so happy every time I’m near him.”

His mom nods along as he rambles on and on, clearly enjoying the image that he’s painting of TK. When he pauses for a breath, she brings a hand down to place over his heart, smiling up at him.

“Have you told this boy how you feel?” she asks. 

Her words send a shiver down his spine, his heart beating as he considers her question. It only requires a simple, one-word answer, but underneath there’s a whole layer of him figuring out how he actually feels for TK, a process that he’s gone through so many times in the past few weeks it’s becoming ritualistic.

He thinks about last night, how TK had been right by his side during his moment of panic. He thinks about how TK took him in his arms, holding him in one piece and helping to bring him back from the edge. He thinks about how he had cared for Carlos when he needed him the most, how he had texted him this morning to apologize and make sure he was okay. Those memories mix with all of the ones from before, and Carlos feels his heart solidifying inside of him, almost as if it had been waiting for this moment of realization.

He’s completely, hopelessly in love with TK Strand.

His face must show some sign of that truth, because his mother moves forward to pull him into her arms. He immediately wraps his own around her shoulders, holding her tight, as he feels a light growing inside of him. 

“Oh, mijo,” she says against his chest, “I’m so happy for you. I always wanted you to find someone special.”

He buries his face in her hair, pressing a kiss there, before letting out a joyful laugh. He stares up at the ceiling, trying to blink back the unwanted tears that are forming. When they pull apart, his mother takes his face in her hands again, forcing him to look at her.

“You have to tell him, cariño,” she says sternly, her eyes ablaze with a fire that surprises him. “Time is precious, and you can’t waste it. Hold him close for as long as you can.”

She speaks with the weight of someone who knows what it’s like to not have enough time. He thinks about his dad, and the conversation that he and TK had on the porch swing about their plans for the future. He knows what a relationship with TK would mean, especially if it lasts as long as he would like it to, but he doesn’t care. TK is worth it. 

“I will, Mami,” he assures her, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. “Te prometo.”

☕☕☕☕

TK can’t bring himself to walk through the door.

He’s done it a hundred times before, he knows what’s waiting for him inside, but he can’t do it. When he fell asleep two nights ago, he felt an intense certainty inside of him, and when he woke up on Friday morning, he was relieved to find that it hadn’t abated. He knew what he wanted, and he was ready to put himself out there, no matter the outcome.

But then, Carlos had been absent from school, and doubts started to fill his mind. TK wasn’t narcissistic enough to think that Carlos missing school was entirely about him; after all, it was an intense night for him, and he’s sure that had an effect on Carlos’s sleep and health. TK firmly believed him when he texted that he wasn’t feeling well, but the longer he went without seeing his friend, the less certain he felt about making a move.

Now, he’s been standing outside for ten minutes, peering into the window like a crazed stalker. He’s already spotted Carlos, he and Grace involved in what appears to be an intense conversation with Judd, Grace’s boyfriend, across the counter. The cafe isn’t too busy for a mid-Saturday morning, and it’s a bright, beautiful Texas day. The conditions could not be more perfect for a revelatory day, and yet TK can’t walk through the door.

“How long are we going to stand out here?” Marjan finally says from behind him, and he turns to see her leaning against the brick wall of the shop next door. She looks up from her phone to give him a gentle smile. “I’m just saying, I could really use a tea right now.”

“TK, talk to us, what’s scaring you?” Paul asks at her side, his arms crossed over his chest as he stares at him with a calculated look. “You’re just asking him on a date.”

“But what if he says no?” TK whispers, his fear pushing his heart into his throat. “What if I ruin everything and we go back to barely talking to each other? What if now isn’t the right time?” 

Paul and Marjan share a quick look before they’re pushing off the wall. They wrap him in a group hug, their arms tight around him. He allows himself to take a breath, trying to calm down. 

“You love him, right?” Marjan asks, pulling away at his nod. “Then you have to tell him, TK. Keeping something like that secret will do more damage to your friendship than telling him to the truth.” 

“You’re joining the fire academy in just a few months,” Paul adds, gripping his shoulder. “You love to take risks. And loving someone is risky, so you might as well jump now. Besides, I’ll eat my own hand if he says no to you.”

TK nods, taking in their advice. He can do this. He can be honest with Carlos, and he can face the outcome. He knows Carlos, and he knows that no matter what the other guy says, he won’t hurt him. He won’t be mean or laugh at him. That’s not who Carlos is, and TK can’t decide how he’ll react before he actually faces him; it’s not fair to him.

He pulls the straps of his backpack tighter as he turns towards the door, and with another deep breath, he heads inside.

Like every time before, there’s a moment where he and Carlos lock eyes from across the room, and like every time before, TK feels a warmth blanket his entire body as he stares into his favorite pair of soft brown eyes. He doesn’t pause today, too amped up to do so, so he just moves forward towards the register to place his order.

“Hey, TK,” Grace says, a mysterious twinkle in her eyes. “You want your usual?”

“Yeah, thanks,” he says, careful to avoid looking in the direction of the barista station. He’s already worried that his voice will give out, and he’s not really looking forward to that embarrassment so early in the morning.

“Anything else?” Grace asks, a smile growing on her lips as she takes in his nervous fidgeting. 

“Actually, could I get a chocolate chip cookie, too?” he says, watching as her eyebrows raise. He knows he’s going off-script a bit, but when he glances over at Carlos to see the man looking down at an order he’s completing with a quiet smile on his face, he knows he made the right move. Baby steps.

“Sure, we’ll bring those out to you when your drink’s ready,” Grace answers, and TK quickly pays, slipping a few dollars into the tip jar next to him. Then, he cuts down to the end of the counter, swinging his bag around to reach inside.

“Hey,” he says softly, Carlos immediately looking up at him, a blush rising on his cheeks. He looks so adorable, and TK almost whines in desperation, but he holds it back at the last second. “I, um, I brought your English and science assignments from yesterday.” He holds out the papers across the counter, noticing out of the corner of his eye when Judd looks up from his phone at the bar counter, staring at the two of them with interest.

Carlos stares down at the assignments for a moment before he wipes his hands down the front of his apron, reaching out to grab them as he looks back up at TK. “Thank you,” he says quietly, his eyes shining. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s no big deal,” TK rushes to say, his voice a little strained. “I was hoping I would see you before Monday, so I thought it made the most sense.”

Carlos nods, his mouth dropping open for a moment. He huffs out a breath, shaking his head. “I was hoping to see you, too.”

TK knows that he could ask Carlos now, while they’re standing here, but he feels Judd’s eyes on him and he doesn’t want a direct audience. So, instead, he asks, “Can we talk, whenever you have a moment free?”

Carlos visibly swallows across from him, his eyebrows rising at the question. “Y-yeah,” he stutters out, nodding. “I can come find you on my break?”

TK nods, backing away to let Carlos get back to work. “I’ll be here,” he assures him, sending a soft smile his way. Then, he turns away, rushing over to the couch where Paul and Marjan are already seated.

“Oh my god,” he says, his face on fire as he throws himself onto the couch, sinking into the cushion.

“Did you ask him?” Marjan asks, tapping his leg excitedly.

“We’re going to talk on his break,” he says, feeling an overwhelming desire to throw up. There’s no going back now, and he knows he doesn’t want to, but he feels like he’s completely lost control of this speeding train. 

“Well that’s good,” Paul says, reaching for his phone. “No distractions, just the two of you, that’s good.”

TK nods, running his hands over his face as he tries to relax. He dares to peek through his fingers, his gaze pulled back towards the counter like usual.

Carlos has his back to him, looking down at Grace standing in front of him. He can’t really see her, but when she shifts to the side, he notices what can only be described as a look of encouragement as she speaks. Judd seems to be involved in the conversation as well, TK watching as he leans forward to say something. TK can’t hear him, but Grace seems to agree with him, gesturing towards her boyfriend in a way that tells TK they are on the same side of whatever conversation they’re having with their friend.

Carlos turns back towards the front, and TK watches as he finishes the toppings on a drink, a focused look on his face. Grace stands at his side in silent support, and when Carlos loads a few drinks onto a tray, TK watches as she rises up to press a kiss against his cheek, patting him on the back as Carlos circles around the counter.

He doesn’t realize that Carlos is moving towards their corner until he’s only a few tables away. TK sits up straight, an unexpectedly nervous energy coursing through him; Carlos doesn’t seem to notice, keeping his eyes on the tray as he moves through the dining area. He finally reaches them, setting the drinks down on the low table in front of them. 

“One chai,” he says, handing Marjan her drink. “One dark roast with cream and sugar,” he continues, and Paul takes his cup. “And one mocha latte with two pumps of caramel,” he finishes, placing a mug down in front of TK. 

He can’t pull his eyes away from Carlos’s face, watching as he stands up straight, a blush turning his entire face bright red as he bites down on his lip. TK opens his mouth to say thank you, but before he can do so, he hears a sharp gasp from beside him. He quickly turns to look at Marjan, noticing how her eyes are on the table in front of them, and he follows her gaze to see what caused such a reaction from her.

Sitting in front of him is his usual order, except this time there’s something different about it. Normally the chocolate and caramel syrup is added in a zig-zap pattern on top of the whipped cream, but today Carlos has chosen a different design. He can see, even from where he’s sitting back on the couch, the shape of a heart, clearly made by a well-practiced hand.

The sound is sucked from the room as he stares down at the cup, a buzzing white noise filling his ears as he struggles to keep breathing. Slowly, hoping not to break the spell, he raises his eyes to look up at Carlos. The barista stares back at him openly, his eyes wide, and TK feels all of his doubts disappear as he realizes that Carlos is offering him his heart, literally, on a tray. TK can see the fear behind his eyes, and that more than anything spurs him to action.

He jumps up from the couch, ignoring everyone and everything around them as he rushes towards Carlos, and he doesn’t waste a moment before diving forward to connect their lips in a long-awaited, bruising first kiss.

Initially, Carlos doesn’t respond, freezing against him, and TK fears he’s made a huge mistake. He goes to pull back, an apology already rising in his throat, but Carlos doesn’t let him get that far. He opens his mouth slightly, adjusting to slot their lips together, and TK’s whole body collapses against him.

TK has always been a hopeless romantic, and as soon as he gave in to his crush, more than a year ago, he began to dream about what it would be like to kiss Carlos. He’s laid in bed at night, his eyes closed, imagining how they would fit together, how they would hold one other. He’s had a lot of kisses in his life to draw from, so he thought he had a pretty good idea of what to expect. 

He realizes now, as Carlos brings his hands up to press against his back, holding him closer, that he set the bar too low. As he brings his arms up around Carlos’s neck, his fingers gliding through his short hair at the back of his neck, he gets lost in the feeling of Carlos’s soft lips against his, the enthusiasm that the other man puts into kissing him taking his breath away.

Kissing Carlos feels like everything, all at once. It feels like breaking through the surface of the water after a deep dive; it feels like climbing to the highest point of the tallest mountain in the world, the freedom and fear climaxing simultaneously. With Carlos, kissing doesn’t feel like a part of something, a first step; it feels like the whole thing, every overwhelming part. It changes him to his core, every molecule inside of him biologically altered at the first taste of this man, this wonderful, glorious man. TK doesn’t know how he will ever go another day without kissing Carlos, thinking such an absence might be the end of him.

Physically, they have to break apart eventually, TK feeling light-headed without enough oxygen reaching his brain. Their lips separate, but no other part of them disconnects. They press their foreheads together, their noses rubbing against each other as they both struggle to catch their breath, and TK’s heart nearly bursts from the intimacy of their embrace.

Eventually, he’s reminded of their very public location when the bell on the front door rings out, signaling a new customer. TK huffs out a guilty laugh, feeling Carlos’s overheated skin against his cheek. 

“I’m so sorry for kissing you at work, but I couldn’t wait another second,” he whispers, his voice cracking from the power of their kiss. 

Carlos huffs out a laugh too, and TK can feel his warm breath on his face. “Don’t be sorry,” he says, his voice also affected, “I wanted you to kiss me.”

TK can’t help but to press forward again, reclaiming his lips for a second time. They keep it light, both fully aware how inappropriate their behavior is, but not being able to stop it. Now that they’ve broken through the barrier between them, it feels impossible to let go.

When they break the second kiss, they move back enough to see one another. TK can’t help but to let out a gasp at Carlos’s kiss-bruised lips, bright red in the soft light from the corner lamp. His cheeks are just as red and his pupils are blown wide, his brown irises nearly completely hidden around them. He looks so fucking hot, and TK can’t quiet believe that it’s all because of him.

“I really, really like you, Carlos,” he admits, gliding his fingers along the back of his neck. He feels Carlos shiver at the touch, bringing one of his hands up to cup his face, rubbing his thumb against his cheek.

“I way, way more than like you, TK,” Carlos confesses, and TK feels his hand shake against him.

TK isn’t expecting the tears that suddenly appear in his eyes, a smile taking up every inch of his face. “Really?” he gasps out, his voice muffled by what might be a sob.

Carlos’s face settles into an expression of soft affection, and TK thinks he might spot tears in his eyes, too. “Really,” he nods, his face open and warm.

TK moves to pull him into a tight hug, his heart demanding less space between them as he hooks his chin over Carlos’s shoulder. Carlos tucks his face into his neck, and TK swears he can feel those soft lips press against his skin. The sensation sends a chill through his entire body.

“I should probably get back to work before Grace fires me,” Carlos sighs after a minute, pulling away. TK watches as he reaches down to grab the tray, giving TK’s hand a gentle squeeze as he moves to return to the counter.

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” TK blurts out the question, startling even himself, but he can’t be embarrassed about asking it, not now. 

Carlos turns back to him, a beautiful smile taking over his face. He quickly returns to TK’s side, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“I want to go on a lot of dates with you,” he says, casually linking their fingers together. 

TK’s mouth drops open at the unfiltered honesty, tightening his grip on Carlos’s hand.

“How about tonight?” TK offers, wanting to spend time alone with Carlos as soon as possible.

“Yeah, tonight would be perfect,” Carlos agrees, and TK watches as a smirk transforms his face. “Can I make a request though?”

“Of course, anything.”

“Can we go somewhere other than a coffee shop?” Carlos teases, his eyes shining with laughter. “I’ll admit, I don’t really care for the taste that much.”

An unconfined laugh bubbles up from TK’s throat, cutting through the space between them. Carlos presses a final kiss to his lips, their smiles making it a little difficult, before he backs away, returning to work. 

TK brings a hand up to his lips, feeling as if the ghost of their kisses will be imprinted on him for the rest of his life. His mind races with all of the possibilities of what they’ll become together, both tonight and all of the nights to come.

They are TK and Carlos, and their story is only just beginning. 

☕☕☕☕

[buddietomytarlos]

9-1-1 Lone Star S2 Ep4 Thoughts *Spoilers*

Thoughts under the cut :)

- COUPLES HANGING OUT TOGETHER. In like every other show these humane moments are usually missing and it really impacts the show, which is why I love 9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lone Star because it’s all about the human aspects of life.

- “Jeff Goldboom?” I—

- Let’s take a moment to remember that Cap is terrified of male-pattern baldness, back acne (cc has it as bacne but no💞), Rachel Maddow, and Pennywise the Clown, that is all. One year TK dressing up as Pennywise just for his dad asdfgjkl; Or TK when he was younger, dressing as a clown for halloween and his father had to keep himself from showing his son that he hated it lol just imagine 

- The couples hearing Cap say that divorce is why they know each other so well: 🤨🤨🤨🤨

- “There is a term for it… friends with benefits.” yeah but isn’t that all about sex and trying not to be personal/romantic with it?

- MARJAN OWNING THIIS SPORT THAT I CAN’T REMEMBER THE NAME OF YESSS AS SHE SHOULD!!!

- Paul looking at that dude cheering Marjan on with a big brother glare 🥺🥺

- JEALOUS PROTECTIVE BOYFRIEND CARLOS COMING UP TO TK AND THIS FLIRTY DRIINK DUDE “And his boyfriend is a cop 😏”

- WAIT… I FORGOT ABOUT MENA MASSOUD JOINING THE CAST YESSSS MY KING!!! He did so amazing in Aladdin but the fact that even after that no one really cast him in anything and he was struggling… I hate that so fucking much. anyways I’ve missed him!!! he’s so handsome pls

- Salim is her WHAT? The awkwardness though fafhskjdf but I really do hope he’s a good guy and that he sticks around.

- God imagine this being your wedding… THE GIRL THROWING UP IN HER MASK?!?!??! This gives off American Vandal vibes but instead of it being poop, it’s vomit. 

- “I am always the occasion.” as you should be Marjan 💞💞 Eventually she’ll move to Miami but because this is a show it’ll somehow accelerate for drama, and she’ll either leave or stay and maybe break it off or he comes to Texas

- She threw up so fast and the next frame she was standing straight like she never turned around in the first place asdfhjkl; but if she’s vegan why is she throwing up? LOL A LOVE TRIANGLE of course! The second he made his best man speech I knew

- Not Gywn telling Cap about the hiding place that I’m guessing the entire crew uses sdhjafdfk

- God Marjan is so beautiful.

- Probie I know he means best but god is he annoying sometimes… also it doesn’t help that I remember hearing the actor is problematic (don’t ask I don’t remember) but damn like??? chill-

- DOMESTIC TARLOS IS SUPER CUTE (and them talking about Marjan 🥺) BUT I’M SCARED SOMETHING WILL HURT/DESTROY IT SOON.

- Carlos: “if I don’t look they may not see me.” “Carlitos!” C: “SHIT. MAMÁ!”

- “this is my friend, TK. We work together.” TK’s face :(

- “So that was a little weird…” TK: 😒🙄

- “Thanks again for leaving me with both sets, and running off to a different time zone.” asdfgjkl;

- “I’d never ask you to give that up.” “Really? 😧” 🥺🥺🥺

- “Of course I love you.” “No, that’s not what I asked. Were you ever in love with me?” … anyways I was right about him wanting to break up

- “I lose my breath when I look at you.” “You should probably get that checked out.”

- “Why are you so mad?” don’t tell me Carlos doesn’t know why him calling his BOYFRIEND just a FRIEND made TK upset?? Diidn’t we already go through this in s1 with TK not wanting to hide, or something? Or did I make that up or something…

- the emotion in TK’s voice please I hate this :((((((

- “Maybe we are just friends.” Gwyn, to Owen: “with benefits…….. mmhm sounds like we’re going through a similar thing.”

- But not TK confiding in his parents and them making it about their current problem… like yes tackle two birds with one stone but like… I don’t know how to word this fadshkjfs

- Paul unplugging the saw fhjsdfsadf

- PROBIE SHUT UP

- WAIT MARJAN BEING IN LOVE WITH HIM AND NOT KNOWING UNTIL IT’S DONE FOR AHHHH. do we get a romantic airport confession??

- PAUL’S ADVICE FTW HE’S SO GOOD

- The way I just binged Bonding on Netflix, about a dominatrix and her comedian friend joining her and now this call… I love it a lot. Bonding is sooooo fucking good though like it shouldn’t be as great as it is but for the second season they talked and actually listened to the BDSM community to make sure everything was right… if only 50 shades could have done the same instead of resorting to literal abuse smh fuck that movie… ANYWAYS BACK TO THE SHOW

- Grace having to look up positions. God, though, having to purposefully pop your shoulder out of place… OMG HER RESORTING TO DEGRADING HIM. AND EVERYONE IS WATCHING LIKE FASHJKFDSHA FIFTY SHADES OF GRACE lol that movie sucks but amazing usage of the name

- Owen going to Judd for help 🥺💞

- TK talking about his feelings to Carlos 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- 🥺🥺🥺 Carlos talking about his coming out

- “But what I didn’t consider is how unsafe you have felt for most of your life.” god this show is so good with emotion… like no matter who or what it is, they put everything into it and it makes me so sad

- OHH I 1950 BY KINGPRINCESS I LOVE THIS SONG!!! now the thought is,,, is Marjan’s confession gonna end well or just the opposite?

- Marjan repeating what he said to/about her PLEASE OH HE KISSD HER BACK. But wait what about the person he met?

- She does have every right to be upset. Like, he was ready to drop Madison immediately… that’s sad. Poor Marjan 🥺😭

- OWEN LEFT OUT STUFF THAT WAS WAITING FOR THEM IN THEIR HONEYMOON SUITE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE

- Owen asking her to remarry him… but him only doing it because he thinks it’s what she wanted is where it goes downhill

- OH GWYN’S PREGNANT 👀👀

[patroclusonly]

I'm going to watch 911 Lonestar now and I'll be writing my comments at the end bc I don't want to miss anything so I'll probably forget a lot because my mind's like that but whatever. Let's do this

Okay I forgot a lot of things already but one thing I remember, TK has bunny teeth

Mateo is the cutest

I'm in love with Marjan. Yes I am

Paul is the cutest too honestly but in a more don't fuck with me kind of way. Yes that's a thing

Grace is so beautiful and I love her attitude and her vibe

Judd is a bug soft boy

I felt it when he cried

Carlos has the softest face ever, the eyes, the smile, ALL

Marjan, Paul and Mateo being bff's in da club

The paramedic lady (the name in my head is Michelle but I can't remember if that's her name) speaks so low and soft it kind of bothers me but I guess it goes with her vibe

The call with the baby on the tree was kind of weird and extra but okay

Everyone dancing was cool

My dad watched part of the episode with me and when it ended he said it was fun, so that's interesting

Also, next week is the TK and Carlos hook up so that's going to be fun to watch with my family

[obsessedwiththebatman]

Joel T. Schumacher

(August 29, 1939 – June 22, 2020) was an American filmmaker. Schumacher rose to fame after directing three hit films: St. Elmo's Fire (1985), The Lost Boys (1987), and Flatliners (1990). He later went on to direct the John Grisham adaptations The Client (1994) and A Time to Kill (1996). His films Falling Down (1993) and 8mm (1999) competed for Palme d'Or and Golden Bear, respectively.

Director of films, including: The Incredible Shrinking Woman, 1981; D.C. Cab, 1983; St. Elmo's Fire, 1985; The Lost Boys, 1987; Cousins, 1989; Flatliners, 1990; Dying Young, 1991; Falling Down, 1993; The Client, 1994; Batman Forever, 1995; A Time to Kill, 1996; Batman & Robin, 1997; 8 mm, 1999; Flawless, 1999; Mauvaises Frequentations, 1999; Tigerland, 2000; Bad Company, 2002; Phone Booth, 2003; Veronica Guerin, 2003; Phantom of the Opera, 2004. Director of television movies, including: The Virginia Hill Story, 1974; Amateur Night at the Dixie Bar and Grill, 1979.

Awards:

National Association of Theater Owners (NATO) ShoWest Director of the Year Award, 1997; NATO ShowEast Award for Excellence in Filmmaking, 1999.

Sidelights

After more than three decades in the film industry, Joel Schumacher has earned a reputation as one of the most respected and well–liked mainstream

Joel Schumacher

filmmakers around. Schumacher's films are glossy; he delights moviegoers with his staggering sense of style. Movie companies love Schumacher as well because he completes his films on time and on budget. Over the years, the costume designer–turned–director has generated a long list of credits to his name, including the 1985 hit St. Elmo's Fire, which helped launch the careers of the "brat pack" kids, including Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, Andrew McCarthy, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, and Emilio Estevez. His biggest blockbuster was 1995's Batman Forever, starring Val Kilmer in the feature role and Jim Carrey as his nemesis, The Riddler. That movie grossed $184 million at the box office. For Schumacher, it is a dream come true. "I'm very lucky to be here," he told Jim Schembri of the Age. "I have a career beyond my wildest dreams. I've wanted to make movies since I was seven. I have my health, I conquered drugs and alcohol.… I've survived an awful lot."

Schumacher was born on August 29, 1939, in New York, New York, and grew up an only child in the working–class neighborhood of Long Island City in Queens, New York. Speaking to the New York Times 's Bernard Weinraub, Schumacher referred to himself as an "American mongrel." Said Schumacher: "My mother was a Jew from Sweden; my father was a Baptist from Knoxville, Tennessee."

When Schumacher was four, his father died. To make ends meet, his mother went to work selling dresses. She worked six days a week and also some nights. "She was a wonderful woman, but, in a sense, I lost my mother when I lost my father," Schumacher told Newsweek 's Mark Miller. By the time he was eight, the unsupervised Schumacher was on the street taking care of and entertaining himself. He found comfort reading Batman comics and spent long afternoons in darkened movie theaters watching Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant on the big screen. "Those were my two biggest obsessions before I discovered alcohol, cigarettes, and sex," Schumacher told Miller. "Then my obsessions changed a little bit. I started drinking when I was nine. I started sex when I was eleven. I started drugs in my early teens. And I left home the summer I turned 16. I went right into the beautiful–people fast lane in New York at the speed of sound. I've made every mistake in the book."

As a child, Schumacher also dabbled in entertainment. He built his own puppet theater and performed at parties. To help his mother make money, he also delivered meat for a local butcher. Walking the streets, Schumacher became interested in window displays and volunteered to dress the store windows in his neighborhood.

After he left home at 16, Schumacher lied about his age and landed a job at Macy's selling gloves in the menswear department. From there, he became a window dresser for Macy's, as well as Lord & Taylor and Saks. Later, Schumacher worked as a window dresser at Henri Bendel's and earned a scholarship to the Parsons School of Design in New York City. He also attended that city's Fashion Institute of Technology. Next, he worked as a fashion designer and helped manage a trendy boutique called Paraphernalia, long associated with Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick. In time, Schumacher found work with Revlon, designing packaging.

With a keen eye for style, Schumacher became a big star in the fashion world, but sunk lower into drugs. He favored speed, acid, and heroin. Schumacher refered to this period of his life—the 1960s—as his "vampire" years, according to Newsweek 's Miller. He stayed inside all day, covering his windows with blankets. He only went out at night. One day in 1970, something snapped, and Schumacher quit the hard–core drugs. "I guess it was the survivor in me," he told Weinraub in the New York Times. "I just knew I had to stop." He did, however, continue drinking, a problem that plagued him for two more decades.

In 1971, Schumacher relocated to Los Angeles, California, and got his foot in the film industry door when he landed a trial job as a costume designer for Play It As It Lays, which was released in 1972. From there, he picked up jobs as a costume designer for movies like Woody Allen's Sleeper and Blume in Love, both released in 1973. Through these movies, Schumacher made contacts and landed his first directing job for the 1974 NBC–TV drama The Virginia Hill Story. He also began writing screenplays, including 1976's Car Wash, and the 1978 musical, The Wiz. Finally, in 1981, he got his first shot at filmmaking, directing Lily Tomlin in The Incredible Shrinking Woman. Reviewers frequently commented on the atypical color scheme he chose for this film.

One of Schumacher's early successes was a 1983 film about a metropolitan cab company run by a group of misfits. Called D.C. Cab, the film featured Mr. T. Other early hits included 1985's St. Elmo's Fire, and 1987's The Lost Boys. The latter film, a vampire flick, helped launch the careers of Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, and Kiefer Sutherland; it was a hit with the teen audience. He followed up with the 1990 thriller Flatliners, and the psychological drama Falling Down, starring Michael Douglas, in 1993.

By the early 1990s, Schumacher was coming into his own. Legendary author John Grisham asked Schumacher to adapt his best–selling legal thriller, The Client, for the big screen. Schumacher cast Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Sarandon in lead roles in the film that told the story of a street–savvy kid in danger because he had information about a mob killing. The movie, released in 1994, was well–received and Sarandon received an Oscar nomination for best actress.

Next, Schumacher earned directorial rights to Batman Forever, released in 1995. The first two installments of the series were directed by Tim Burton, but were thought to be too dark and serious. Schumacher was charged with brightening the series. Val Kilmer replaced Michael Keaton as Batman, and Jim Carrey joined the cast as The Riddler. Under Schumacher's direction, the movie became the blockbuster of the summer, raking in $184 million. Batman & Robin followed in 1997 but was terribly unsuccessful, putting an end to the Batman series.

Over the years, Schumacher has become known for his perceptive ability to cast unknown actors and turn them into hotshots. His films have given rise to the careers of the "brat packers," as well as Matthew McConaughey, cast in Schumacher's 1996 adaptation of another Grisham novel, A Time to Kill. Schumacher also "discovered" Irish actor Colin Farrell, giving him the lead in the 2000 Vietnam drama Tigerland, which proved to be Farrell's breakthrough performance. Schumacher later cast Farrell in his 2003 suspense thriller Phone Booth, which was shot in an amazing 12 days.

Another actor who gained prominence under Schumacher is comedian Chris Rock, who starred in 2002's Bad Company. Like many actors, Rock enjoyed working with Schumacher and was amazed by Schumacher's ability to handle the whole operation of movie–making. As Rock told Film Journal International 's Harry Haun: "Joel is like a general, like Patton or something. He really knows how to whip up the troops. Doing a big movie is a lot of directing. It's coordinating a whole town. It's like being a mayor, and he's totally up to the task—of being a general and making it artistic."

What makes Schumacher stand apart from other directors is his eye for style. Characters in his films appear polished and classy, yet sexy. According to Haun, a Movieline article by Michael Fleming once proclaimed, "Why Don't People Look in Other Movies Like They Look in Joel Schumacher Movies?" For that, Schumacher credits his childhood spent in movie theaters where he inhaled a steady diet of films with stars like Elizabeth Taylor, Paul Newman, Cary Grant, and Marilyn Monroe. As Schumacher explained to Haun, "You went to the movies and saw—Grace Kelly—these staggering images on the screen, so I think my early film influences are these archetypes—Audrey Hepburn, Gary Cooper. It's very much how I see film."

With about 20 films under his belt, Schumacher has had nearly every kind of review possible but says, for the most part, that he ignores them. Speaking with Film Journal International 's David Noh, Schumacher said he does not read reviews. "Woody Allen taught me a long time ago, 'Don't read them. If you believe the good, you'll believe the bad.' When they think you're a genius it's an exaggeration also, so somewhere between genius and scum is the reality of life."

After his foray into the blockbuster, high–budget world of the Batman series, Schumacher pulled back from big–name titles and returned to making grittier, chancier films. In 2003, he branched out into true crime, directing the film Veronica Guerin, which starred Cate Blanchett as the Irish journalist of the title. Guerin was killed by a heroin kingpin in 1996, who was angered by her investigative reporting. Schumacher made the movie in Ireland on a budget of $14 million—whereas $70 million is the average cost for a studio film. Once again, Schumacher was like a general. He kept everyone focused, shooting at 93 locations in 50 days.

The film won praise for its straightforward approach to the topic. Schumacher refused to glorify Guerin post–mortem, a trap many directors fall into. Speaking to the Age 's Schembri, Schumacher spoke about true stories this way: "You want to be sure that you're approaching the subject matter with integrity and not just trying to glorify the person, but trying to be honest with the facts, even if it upsets some people." Schumacher has also tried his hand at producing a musical. His film version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical masterpiece The Phantom of the Opera, was set for release in 2004.

Schumacher is also openly gay but refuses to get into discussions about how his sexuality affects him in the movie business. "It never was an issue," he told Film Journal International 's Noh, noting he does not believe in labels. "I think we're all villains and victims, as long as we live in a culture which keeps defining people as African–American lesbian judge, gay congressman, Jewish vice–presidential candidate, etc. You would never say that Bill Clinton was a Caucasian heterosexual WASP president, you just say he's Bill Clinton. That means the only norm is white WASP male, because everyone else must be defined. I'm totally against that."

Despite his success, Schumacher has no plans to rest on his laurels. Though he is considered a veteran filmmaker by many, Schumacher still sees himself as a student. As he told the Guardian 's Peter Curran: "I hope I haven't made my best one yet, I'm still trying to learn on the job. So I keep stretching and hopefully I keep making better and better films.