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danzinora-switch · 4 years

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Typing the Turtles (ROTTMNT) Part 1 - Raphael

This started out as an investigation into the turtles’ insecurities, because one thing the show does so well is demonstrate that they are still teenagers. And being a teenager is a confusing experience - there’s angst, drama, exploring one’s identity, a lot of growth, and overall figuring out who you are. That’s a messy process, too! And we see this mess in our turtles: they mess up, they’re learning, they self-doubt, they have fears and insecurities, but they’re also discovering their strengths and how to overcome their inner obstacles.

So after thinking about all this way too long, here’s my psychological breakdown of each turtle (I’ll be referencing MBTI and the Enneagram, but will include links for more general information on those if you don’t know what I’m talking about).

Raph: ISFJ, 6w5

The Defender, The Loyalist, The Big Brother, did I mention The Defender?

Raph is always helping out the little guy, whether that little guy is Mikey, Donnie, Leo, April or someone else. In the first episode, Mystic Mayhem, Raph is the one who notices poor Mayhem alone and scared, and suggests they should help him. He just met the little furball, and even after Mayhem attacks his face he’s still ready to fight some dog-jogger Yokai to protect him. He’s there when April’s school is attacked by Hypno (Hypno! Part Deux) and when she just needs her fan fixed (Repairin’ the Baron). He’s also there for a myriad of underdogs, such as Guy Flambe (Pizza Puffs). Interestingly enough, that episode also indicates that Raph has taken to moonlighting as the hero Red Angel of Preventing Harm.

Raph at his Worst: What is Raph afraid of? Beyond Mrs. Cuddles. Raph is afraid of being alone. But he also feels strongly empathetic when others are alone: Mikey on a solo mission in Hot Soup: The Game, Mayhem in the pilot, Frankenfoot when he runs away. But why?

If we look through the lens of the Enneagram, Raph wants security and support. The system/structure he is most committed to is their inner circle of family/friends. So nothing must happen to those he loves!

Raph has also demonstrated Worst-Case Scenario thinking when he’s stressed. Alone for 5 minutes in Man vs Sewer? Expect the worst. In Nothing but Truffles, Mikey even flashes back to a Raph lecture about what to do in the event of a: shark attack, vampire attack, werewolf attack, and puppy attack.

That said, when someone does hurt someone he loves, or sufficiently threatens/scares him and/or his support system, all his disaster-planning goes out the window in an effort to SMASH IT LIKE A BOSS! (Counterphobic 6).

He puts a lot of pressure on himself, but it’s not really about failing in big moments (as Leo describes it in Mystic Mayhem and Down with the Sickness, but that says more about Leo than Raph), but more about letting the others down. He needs to open the gateway to the Mystic City or else they’ll lose April forever. He needs to think of something to ask for in the Must Say Yes stage that will please all his brothers and not leave anyone out. And, in Insane in the Mama Train, Raph is the one most affected when Splinter says he’s disappointed. The others were willing to brush it off and apologize, but Raph is aware that they let Splinter down. It’s something worse, and he feels that hurt, deeply.

Raph is also sensitive enough that he sometimes takes things too personally. When Mikey and Donnie have a good idea in One Man’s Junk, he internalizes it as ‘Raph never has a good idea’. Mikey sorts that out the best: “We’re not saying you don’t have good ideas, Raph. We’re just saying we do, too.” It seems to snap him out of self-deprecating funk.

Average Raph: Raph wants to protect those he loves from physical threats, but also emotional ones. That’s why he’s so bad at handling interpersonal conflict. He can’t yell at Donnie in Donnie’s Gifts. He can’t yell at (Mike? Lou? Tony?) in the Pizza Pit because “it’ll destroy him”. He’s super conflict-averse when it comes to those he cares about. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings (ISFJ). Mostly this is a kind, caring, compassionate trait, but sometimes the situation needs Dr. Delicate Touch.

He’s the supportive friend and brother. He’s always ready to help out, whether it’s fixing April’s fan (Repairin’ the Baron), rescuing Guy Flambe from Meatsweats (Pizza Puffs) or saving Mayhem from the mirror. He’s encouraging… but sometimes to the point of enabling. In Pizza Puffs he recognizes this the most and literally wrestles with himself over trying to let his brothers fix problems on their own without him there to protect them. Sometimes he can’t help but support his friends even when he doesn’t want to: when he’s volun-told by Mikey to help warm Draxum up to humans, he doesn’t ditch, and when April invokes the Birthday Card to help Warren Stone he honors it. He can be dedicated and loyal to a fault.

He can be a little short-sighted, at times. His team-building exercise in Stuck On You was meant to be a positive, brotherly, bonding experience, but suffered from serious drawbacks. His tenacity in smashing foes is admirable, but doesn’t always get the best results, something Donnie tries to get him to see and think through. But they’re also what makes him a force to be reckoned with. You do NOT mess with Raph’s inner circle and expect NOT to get smashed, hoss! And the fact that his brothers know that he has their backs like this is probably its own form of support and security.

Raph at his Best: He believes in the Mad Dogs the most, that they can be and are heroes. “We’re do-gooders! And what do do-gooders do? They do good! And they do good well.” (The Mutant Menace) His compassion and commitment to protecting the underdog keep the others on track and in line with their goals. He is the rock in the middle of the chaos.

Raph actually has good practical skills: he has the mission calendar that only he seems to consistently stick to, and clearly enough self-discipline to responsibly and reliably sleep with his retainer on every night (Flushed, But Not Forgotten)

He also has the most grounded sense of duty. When they’re watching the skateboarding livestream in Gilbert’s Department store in The Longest Fight, Raph is the one who first investigates what sounds like a robbery, and is the one who cajoles his brothers into fighting the Foot. It’s a ‘look, guys, we have to do the right thing here and prevent them from stealing!’ moment. Pizza Puffs: look, guys, you’re going to have to learn to solve problems without me, it’s for your own good! (He knows that’s what needs to happen, even though he’s at war inside over it).

Raph says: what’s the responsible thing to do? And he’s trying to get his brothers to understand this as well (Pizza Puffs).

Raph Relationships:

Donnie: despite the lack of a full Donnie & Raph episode, they have a few surprising things in common. They each have an episode where they want their brothers to learn something. Donnie, in Mind Meld, wants his brothers to be smarter and plan ahead. Raph, in Pizza Puffs, wants his brothers to use some common sense and be a little more responsible. They both like finding solutions to problems, just one focuses on technical and one focuses on interpersonal problems. Mostly (for right now, though) Raph can be blunt with Donnie. He’ll slap the genius in the face with reality. “Donnie! The mech is REAL!” (The Purple Game). “Donnie, I know you know how to say it. We’re all on to you.” (Air Turtle). This is one turtle with whom he can put his foot down and say ‘hey! Back to Earth, now!’ (I can also see them collectively sharing facepalm moments in the future).

Leo: there are times when Leo’s need to be the best and stand-out attitude clash with Raph’s focus on teamwork (Air Turtle, for example “take your win-at-all-costs attitude somewhere else, Leo, we need to work as a team!”) but they do get to a point where both of their strengths in the group strengthen each other, like how iron sharpens iron. Raph wants everyone to work together as a team, but Leo sees their individual strengths. Without that, we get Raph’s glueball disaster in Stuck On You, but together, we have their greatest moment in Many Unhappy Returns. Leo points out the parts each member have to play, and Raph puts it all together in one big plan to defeat the Shredder. “Trust me, bro.” “I do.” (I’m really excited to see where the show goes with this).

Mikey: the main Mikey & Raph episode right now actually seems to be Repairin’ the Baron, and there’s an interesting clash going on here. Raph believes and supports his system, his family. Draxum has been the mortal enemy of the Mad Dogs and deserves to be smashed. However, Mikey is adopting him into the family. Raph is not immediately okay with this, he has a hard time trying to change his inner world. But he cares about Mikey. As he tells Draxum “I’m still trying to get used to this, but Mikey thinks you’re part of the family. And the number rule of the Mad Dogs is: you always take care of family!” They’re actually very complementary, as Mikey can step in in emotionally charged situations where Raph can’t, and how his adaptability gets through Raph’s need for stability. (It will be interesting to see what Raph does as Mikey grows up).

Ultimately, I’m excited to see Raph grow as he figures out the best way to guide this team and save the world. Home is where the heart is, and he’s got a big enough heart to be the home for a lot of people.

So that’s my (unbelievably cut-down) analysis of Rottmnt Raph! I’m going to save the relationships with April and Splinter for later, since this is already too long. Here are the links to learn more about the ISFJ and counterphobic 6w5 if you’re interested:

https://www.16personalities.com/isfj-personality

https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-6

https://enneagrampaths.com/2018/04/09/im-afraid-im-going-to-punch-you-discussions-about-the-phobic-and-counter-phobic-enneagram-type-six/

https://www.crystalknows.com/enneagram/type-6-wing-5

https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2016/01/mbti-and-the-enneagram-2/10/

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thorne93 · 4 years

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Unforeseen Chasm (Part 63)

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count:4309

Warnings: Lift in spirits for reader, a year after the snap,feelings exposed again, arguing, angry Tony, Bruce vs. Tony, fighting, a change in life, surgery/transplant, happiness and fluff for the OFC. life goes by for reader,looming darkness, Song for this part: Is there somewhere - Halsey Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.

Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the following morning that you ran into Remy on the way out of the hotel, just outside the doors.

“Didn’t expect you to still be around, not after my killjoy session last night.”

“Oh, don’t take all the glory. You aren’t the soul reason for all the heartache going around,” he assured jovially.

You stopped and turned to face him. “Remy, I know what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it, I do. You’re trying to act like everything is okay, or that everything is gonna be okay, and I know that’s just your nature. I know you don’t want to seem down, but you’re going to have to, for me. I left because of the optimism. I don’t have it in me, okay?” you begged softly, grabbing his arm and squeezing. “For me, just… dwell in the harsh reality. Think of me as misery and you’re my company, alright?”

He nodded, a sweet smile on his face. “Alright. I’ll stop with the cheerful talk.”

You thanked him and the two of you began walking to your first sight to visit today. “And besides… it is my fault. It’s all my fault.”

“Oh, come on now,” he started, scoffing and you threw a daring look his way.

“No, it really is. I was out on the battlefield. I should’ve been there to stop Thanos. Instead, I was too focused on everyone else. I wanted to make sure they were safe. By the time I realized Thanos was here, it was too late.”

“Cher, I don’t think you could’ve taken him alone,’ he offered gently. “You said he went up against Cap’n Rogers, Romanoff, Banner--”

“Right. All mortals. Wanda slowed him down, tremendously. Thor nearly killed him the first time. Can you imagine what I could do? I’m Thor and Wanda and you rolled into one. I could’ve killed him. It might not have been easy, but if someone had my back, made sure I didn’t get interrupted, I could’ve done it.”

“I think you’re bein’ a little hard on yourself.”

“I think you’re being ignorant to the facts,” you retorted.

He sighed. “Well that may be, but it doesn’t change the fact that when the snapped happened, you were the first person I thought of.”

“That so?” you challenged, keeping your eyes down to the ground. “Why didn’t I get a call then?”

“I figured you’d be busy. I wasn’t sure about you and Loki, or Shannon. I wanted to check on you, but if things were bad, I didn’t want to come barging in. Besides, we had the mess at the mansion to take care of. I couldn’t just drop all that. I wanted to but…”

“No, I’m glad you didn’t. I was busy. I was busy trying not to fall apart, trying to be there for Shannon, in the small capacity I could be anyway.”

“It seems we found each other at the right time, then.”

“Found each other? You tracked me across the globe. It’s not exactly a coincidence,” you reminded, a touch of humor in your voice.

The two of you set off then, quietly. You went all around the city. Remy took photos for you and of you, so that you could focus on the beauty here and now, be in the moment. When nightfall happened and you started walking back to your hotel, you began talking. It was nice to have someone to talk to.

“We had all these plans, you know?” you started suddenly. “I don’t know how to live without him. Here or back in New York. he’s been such a huge part of my life, my every day life for years…”

“I bet that’s hard.”

“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to live through,” you admitted.

With that, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you in close as you two walked.

-----------------------------------

Things had begun to die down for what had happened. You were still missing and that didn't stop Shannon from continuing her search. At some point she and Tony had left the compound and had gone to find a peaceful place to start a new chapter in their marriage. It was time to start a family. Everyone had gone their separate ways so it was only natural that they wanted to bring some happiness to this point in their lives.

Bruce had come to terms with the fact that Shannon wouldn’t be leaving Tony anytime soon but that didn't stop him from confessing his feelings. Things had gotten heated after that, seeing as when Bruce said those words Tony had just been walking in. This created a fight. They ended up going a few rounds and Shannon had ultimately had to use her powers to rip the men apart from each other.

“You two are acting like savages, this needs to stop!” she growled, holding them both back. “Now, Bruce, you know I’m married to Tony and I love him very much and yes I do love you too but, I’m not sure there’s something that can be done.” She turned over to the other man. “Tony, what in God’s name is wrong with you?! He’s your friend, not some stranger.” She lets them go and huffs. “You two need to figure this out, okay? And no more fighting.”

She walked away and both men walked off to the bar and had a long talk about what would happen.

“Listen, Tony I never wanted to get to this point but I love Shannon just as you do and I would never do anything to hurt her.” He holds his drink up to the cut on his eyebrow. “I know this isn’t conventional but would you be willing to have a polyamorous relationship so that I can be with her?” Bruce hoped that the other man would agree.

“I gotta say Bruce you have some courage to confess your feelings to a married woman, but my wife!” He shook his head. “I mean I kinda knew you had those feelings from when you had been helping her at the mansion, but I’m not sure if I can be okay with that type of situation and it’s not up to me. It’s up to Shannon on whether or not she wants that.” He refilled his glass. “I’ll have to talk with Shannon and then we can all sit down to figure this out.”

“See, I didn’t think I would get this far.” He sighed. “But you’re right, Shannon should be the one who decides.”

Upon returning to the compound, the three sat down and talked about what would happen next. She agreed to open up the relationship to have her husband and now, Bruce, her boyfriend. Once it was all decided, the next thing that happened was having the cabin built to accommodate the three of them and the potential future.

Life was as normal as it could get for Shannon, Bruce and Tony they’d all found a way to make their relationship work. Who would be with Shannon which nights and things like that. One thing that was a major change was that after searching she was finally able to get a uterus transplant. Which would come to bring a change in their life with the hopes of her having a child. There were dozens of attempts after her body had accepted the new organ, but to no avail was she able to get pregnant right away, needless to say they didn’t stop trying. There had been a point where Shannon believed that she would never be able to get pregnant but she was pleasantly surprised when she took a home test and it had come out positive. She had done her own at the tower’s lab to confirm what the test had said. Knowing that she was finally able to carry her own child was the best moment she could live through. It was nearing the end of October and she hadn’t figured out how to tell him yet but she knew she’d figure it out.

It’d been about a year since Y/N had left and the search for her still continued. She also began to see which X-men still remained. The one person that she hadn’t thought would survive would be Wade Wilson, formerly known as Deadpool.

Shannon figured he’d be a good bet if any in finding you.

“Come on, Wade, pick up the phone,” she mumbled, waiting for the phone to stop ringing.

A second later on the other line all she heard was, “Shut it, tin balls, I’m on the phone! Hello?”

“Hey, Wade, it’s Shannon,” she said. “Are you busy?”

“Well, hello there, Mrs. Stark. What a pleasure.” He mocked formality. “I’m pretty free, what’s up?”

“I was hoping we could meet,so we can talk about this in person.”

“Sure thing. Send me your coordinates and I’ll be there soon. Can’t wait to see what you’ve been up to!” And with that the call ended

About half an hour later there was a knock at the door. Bruce had gone out for a jog and Tony, like always, was hiding in the garage working on who knows what. Which gave Shannon the perfect timing to talk to Wade.

“Coming!” she yelled from the kitchen. She grabbed a hand towel and wiped the water off them and opened the door. “Hey, Wade, come on in.” She moved to let him in.

“Aww what no hug?” He stood there with his arms open. “Whoa wait! I see that glow Shan, are you pregnant?” he teased.

“Hush, Wade, I haven’t told Tony yet!” she pulled him further into the house and peers out to the garage making sure her husband hadn’t heard. “Now what’s with the suit what happened to you being comfortable around me?” she motions with her hand.

“Listen here, lady! No one tells me when I can and can’t wear my suit!” he exclaimed.

“You done with the tantrum?”

“Uh… no, but anyways how’s it been?” He leaned in closer. “Besides the bun in the oven?”

“Haha funny, it’s been going good with my life but that’s the reason I called you.” She headed towards the living room and he followed. “Everything is going good but one part. My best friend, well more like sister, has gone off the radar and I haven’t for the life of me been able to find her and at this point I need someone like to be able to go out and bring her back for me. Considering--” she points down at her belly. “--once I tell Tony he’ll definitely be against me going out to look for her.”

“And what would I get out of it?” He got serious when he heard the reason why. “Normally there’s a contract that gets written up and a price given but since it’s you, Shannon, I’m going to work something different out.”

He sat there for a moment just thinking of what he could potentially get from them. He didn’t really need much. Until a lightbulb lit up since becoming Deadpool he knew his chances of having children were down to zero and with his friend being pregnant he’d like to be in the kid’s life somehow. “Alright so here’s how it’s going to go. I’ll do you this favor in exchange for two things.” He held up two fingers.

“Just two things?” she repeated. “And what exactly are those two things?”

“Great question!” He got giddy. “First, I’d like to be part of that kid’s life.” He pointed to her stomach. “And second, I’d like unlimited chimichangas and not the crappy kind, you guys got the money for the good stuff.”

“Okay first of all why the heck would you want to be part of MY child’s life? And second, okay we can do the chimichangas.” She shook her head.

“Well ever since I became DP I came to realize that I will never get the chance to have my own kids you know?” His voice lowered towards the end but it was enough for her to hear.

Knowing the reason behind asking such a thing pulled at her heartstrings because she knew what it’s like, knowing that there was a chance she could never be a mom. Granted, Peter Parker was hers biologically but was done through surrogacy.

“Okay, Wade, I know what it’s like to be in that position. You can be their god father, okay? And occasional babysitter, how’s that?” She hoped she could complete part of his life like this miracle baby had done for her. “So it’s a deal then, when can you start?”

“We can go over the specifics later, for now just enjoy this moment and let me know if you need help planning the reveal to the hubby.” He leaned closer to her.

“Of course, Wade, thank you.” she leaned her head on his. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

From then on it had been Wade being around constantly and getting on Tony’s nerves but he knew why and it broke his heart to see his wife like that. Between all of that they all got to see how the wonders of Shannon became a mother to their daughter Morgan. Then during their fifth year since the snap, she had gotten serious with Bruce as well and even though she couldn’t marry him through the church, she figured she could at some point later on. They did agree on having a child, so she gave it a shot with Bruce. They had gotten more than they could have asked for, not only was she pregnant again, but this time with twins. It equaled out to two children with Bruce and two with Tony.

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One Year Later…

After three months all over the world, you’d seen and done everything you could possibly think of, with Remy right by your side. Part of you felt guilty, having him there. The other part was so thankful that you weren’t going through this alone.

When you finished, you had no idea where to go, no direction. When the snap happened, a small part of you hoped there was a way to find Thanos and bring everyone back. When that hope died out with Thanos, you could go see the world in Loki’s honor. Then, when that finished, you had nothing left. You still couldn’t return to New York. You weren’t in any mindset to be around Shannon and everyone else.

“Well, that’s it,” you said with finality as you looked down at your phone, checking the list. “We’ve done everything.”

Remy smiled down at you. “Wow. Time flies, right? What next?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” you admitted as you stood, staring out over a river. “I’ve never felt this way before… Directionless. Even when I was in prison, there was a plan. Hopefully one day to get out, but even then I knew at least I’d be in prison the next day. But as of this moment, I don’t know what I’ll do in twenty seconds. It’s a bit unnerving for me.”

“What do you say we… well… settled down?” he asked carefully.

Your face whipped to him, surprised. “Settle down? What do you mean?”

“Well I don’t imagine you wanna keep jumping from country to country,” he surmised, putting his elbows on the railing.

“No, I don’t,” you agreed slowly.

“Then I suggest we take this somewhere permanently. Maybe… start to rebuild our lives. We’ve lived in the past, maybe it’s time we start looking at the future.”

“I don’t know…” you started, looking down and shaking your head.

“What’s got you hesitatin’, cheri?” he wondered, standing to put a finger under your chin to force you to look at him.

You sighed. “I’m not sure I know how to move on.”

“I’m not asking you to move forward, or to forget him, or forget anyone. All I’m saying is to make it easier on both of us. I know I’m a hell of a lot happier when I’m around you, and despite your initial complaints I think you like my company.”

You nodded.

“So maybe...we find us a place, and start to live again. It might be easier to focus on healing if we aren’t acting as if we’re on the run.”

You sighed in agreement. “You’re right… but where would we go? If we stay in one place too long, Shannon will find me.”

“Maybe,” he said with a shrug. “Maybe not. How about we go home? Maybe she’s already looked there.”

“Home? Like…” you asked, prompting him with a questioning look.

“Like New Orleans, darlin’.”

And that was how he easily convinced you to follow him. The two of you found a house slightly out of the way in New Orleans. It wasn’t in the country, but it was private enough that you weren’t in a neighborhood with prying neighbors.

Remy picked up a job as a bartender, and when he wasn’t tending to the drinks, he was playing cards for money. As for you, you found a job in healing. You worked with a mobile clinic that went to a rather large area due to the snap, the patients were widely spread out. It was nice, to give back, to help heal people, when you’d caused so much heartache. Your job was to use your electrical powers to keep equipment from failing. Sometimes you were at the hospital, other times you joined nurses on the road. It was an odd interview, but these were trying times and they didn’t turn their noses up at your request.

If you weren’t working, the two of you were building a home together. The two of you had found pieces of art you loved, began to buy dish sets, furniture. You didn’t have too many momentos, either one of you to go through, but it made it nice. None of it was anything you had to be reminded of, to try and hold back some form of grief. You two painted every room in the house you’d bought. You’d hand selected wallpaper, paint, decor, everything. You weren’t sure if you were doing it as a distraction or what -- but it felt like life was starting again. You two even cooked together most nights, trying out recipes on each other.

Now, it’d been a year since the snap. No word to or from Shannon, but you were sure she was doing fine. Remy had called Logan a couple of times to check on the mansion, but no new students had shown up. Despite missing the vanished and those you left behind in New York, this was as close to happy as you could get.

-----------------------------

One night, you stopped in at the bar Remy worked at, to help him close up.

“Hey, there,” he greeted with a wide grin. “What can I getcha?”

“Just a coke,” you answered. “How’s business been?”

He worked on getting you your drink as he answered, “Kinda slow. But that gave me a chance to do this new trick.”

“Oh? Can I see?” you asked somewhat excited. Remy’s tricks were always something you loved, even as kids. It was a way to be entertained, to make you forget about the other ugliness in the world, and you supposed he was doing that again this time around.

“Sure thing. Let me get it set up.” He reached under the bar for a second, making you curious. ”Alright, so I’ll draw ‘em in like this,” he explained as he leaned over, looking handsome.

You nodded. “Mhm.”

“Then, I’ll do a little ol’ razzle dazzle with the hands,” he continued slowly as he made meaningless motions in the air before making his fingers dance around a space on the bar. “And abracadabra, alakazam…”

Then as if it materialized in thin air, there was a red velvet box on the bar and your heart began pounding.

“Now you may be wonderin’ what’s inside that there box. I’ll show ya.” He opened the box before glancing up at you with a grin. Inside the box was a stunning, unique ring. ”Y/N, will you do me the great honor of--”

Thought escaped you though. The sight of that box. Remy’s words. They catapulted you to that day on the battlefield with Loki. Every emotion of grief and loss slammed into you, taking breath and thought with it. All you could do was grab Remy by the edges of his silk vest and kiss him to get him to stop talking.

You couldn’t hear another man say those words to you. It felt so wrong. So utterly wrong.

You hadn’t kissed Remy once or even done anything remotely romantic together. In all reality, you were just two roommates. You did everything together, you lived together, had outings together, but you never kissed, held hands, slept in the same bed… Nothing was romantic between you two.

Remy sank into the kiss easily before you let him go. You couldn’t hide the tears streaking down your face but you did your best to hide the thickness of your voice.

“I think maybe… maybe we should take things slow, at first, you know?” you offered easily. You didn’t want to lose Remy, he’s all you had. But you couldn’t give him what he wanted.

“You mean like, actually courtin’ each other?”

“Precisely,” you agreed with a nod and smile. “Then we can talk marriage. What do you say?”

“I say that sounds like a plan,” he responded before leaning over to kiss you again, slower and more tenderly.

---------------------------------

So life went on like normal, for another year, the only change was the romance. It seemed a small price to pay to not have to hear another marriage proposal or pledge your commitment to him. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with Remy. It just felt like a betrayal of every level to promise yourself to Remy when Loki didn’t get that chance.

To an outsider, this was domestic bliss. You two looked, seemed, and acted happy. You tried to be anyway. But every day was a battle. Even after two years, he was the first thing you thought of when you woke up and the last thing you thought about before you drifted off.

Remy was patient and kind. He never tried to erase Loki’s memory. Never mentioned putting his pictures away, or tried to quiet you when you brought him up. He understood how much he meant to you and he didn’t want to ruin that.

But on the inside, you were hollow and empty. Remy and your life provided excellent distractions. You loved helping those in need, and you loved having your friend around. He kept the majority of the darkness at bay.

You couldn’t hide it anymore though. This cookie cutter life wasn’t cutting it. Not anymore. You had so much sorrow and anger pent up in you. No closure, no answers… you still blamed yourself for the snap, for not killing Thanos properly. You still wanted Loki back. You missed Shannon and the Avengers but you couldn’t be around them. Ultimately, you were living a lie with Remy. He thought you were moving on, falling in love with him, letting it all go, but you weren’t. You were just as broken as the day Loki vanished. No part of you had healed or moved on in any way.

He didn’t deserve this.

So you packed your things, not leaving a note, about to head out the door in the middle of the night before his voice stopped you

“Where ya goin’?” he asked.

Damn, you mentally hissed. You didn’t want him to see you leave.

Your hand was already on the door knob. “I’m leaving. I think it’s best...for both of us.”

“Well thank you for makin’ my decisions for me,” he sarcastically said as he sauntered up behind you.

“You know what I mean. You deserve someone who isn’t broken like I am. Someone who can give you their whole heart.”

He moved himself to be in front of you, cupping his hands on your face. “Chere, I never asked for your whole heart. I don’t expect it. I just wanna be here for you. I love you and I want to see you happy. I don’t wanna be with you so that you can love me back. Ideally, sure, but realistically…” He let the idea hang in the air. “I just wanna to be with you, is all. Now where were you plannin’ on goin?”

“I’ve got a talent for making others hurt, I was gonna put that talent to use. To be honest, I have a lot of pent up rage I’d like to get out of me.”

“I see,” he said with a bit of sorrow.

“I don’t want you to see me like that, either.”

“I told you years ago I found you to help protect you and keep you safe, now whether that’s from yourself or others you plan on going after, I still believe it,” he vowed. “I’m comin’ with you.”

“Why?” you breathed, confused.

“Because I love you, and I want to be with you, whether we’re baking cookies together for Christmas or off doing whatever it is you’re about to do. I’m with you -- always.”

You smiled at him, sadness filling the expression. “I can’t stop you. If you want to come… We'll go.”

‘Alright. Give me some time to pack, and we’ll go.”

Roughly an hour later, Remy was ready to leave with you. Something in you told you he shouldn’t come with you, whether it was for his safety or so he didn’t see what you were about to turn in to, you weren’t sure. But the bigger, more selfish part of you allowed him to come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List: @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr @kaelingoat-blog @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo @damalseer @heyitscam99 @yknott81 @sorryimacrapwriter @glitterquadricorn @xxqueenofisolationxx @little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama @bittersweetunicorm @alyssaj23 @sea040561 @princess76179 @thisismysecrethappyplace @sarahp879 @malfoysqueen14 @ellallheart @breezy1415 @marvelmayo @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @cocosierra94 @hardcollectionworldtrash @capsmuscles @marvelloushamilton @paintballkid711

Loki: @lostinspace33 @ultrarebelheart @lenawiinchester @esoltis280 @tngrayson @wangdeasang @harrymewmew @jayfantasyatyourservice

UC: @lokis-high-priestess

#unforeseen chasm #loki fic #loki x reader #Past!loki x reader #Loki Laufeyson #tony stark x ofc #tony stark fic #tony stark #endgame #remy #gambit #deadpool #wade wilson #bruce banner x ofc x tony stark #gambit x reader #morgan stark

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mrs-dragneel-stark-solo · 4 years

Text

Unforseen Chasm (Part 63)

Part 63 of Unforseen Chasm

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together. Word Count: 4309 Warnings: Lift in spirits for reader, a year after the snap,feelings exposed again, arguing, angry Tony, Bruce vs. Tony, fighting, a change in life, surgery/transplant, happiness and fluff for the OFC. life goes by for reader,looming darkness, Song for this part:Is there somewhere - Halsey Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my other fic series). first major Collab with my best friend @thorne93 what was first a simple “what if” moment turned into a two year writing session and I’ve never been more prouder of myself than when i started my first series. goes through most of the MCU plots there are some changes to accommodate for what we wanted and there is a bit of a crossover between the MCU and other characters. I hope you guys enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

It was the following morning that you ran into Remy on the way out of the hotel, just outside the doors.

“Didn’t expect you to still be around, not after my killjoy session last night.”

“Oh, don’t take all the glory. You aren’t the soul reason for all the heartache going around,” he assured jovially.

He nodded, a sweet smile on his face. “Alright. I’ll stop with the cheerful talk.”

You thanked him and the two of you began walking to your first sight to visit today. “And besides… it is my fault. It’s all my fault.”

“Oh, come on now,” he started, scoffing and you threw a daring look his way.

“Cher, I don’t think you could’ve taken him alone,’ he offered gently. “You said he went up against Cap’n Rogers, Romanoff, Banner--”

“I think you’re bein’ a little hard on yourself.”

“I think you’re being ignorant to the facts,” you retorted.

He sighed. “Well that may be, but it doesn’t change the fact that when the snapped happened, you were the first person I thought of.”

“That so?” you challenged, keeping your eyes down to the ground. “Why didn’t I get a call then?”

“No, I’m glad you didn’t. I was busy. I was busy trying not to fall apart, trying to be there for Shannon, in the small capacity I could be anyway.”

“It seems we found each other at the right time, then.”

“Found each other? You tracked me across the globe. It’s not exactly a coincidence,” you reminded, a touch of humor in your voice.

“I bet that’s hard.”

“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to live through,” you admitted.

With that, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you in close as you two walked.

-----------------------------------

She walked away and both men walked off to the bar and had a long talk about what would happen.

“See, I didn’t think I would get this far.” He sighed. “But you’re right, Shannon should be the one who decides.”

Shannon figured he’d be a good bet if any in finding you.

“Come on, Wade, pick up the phone,” she mumbled, waiting for the phone to stop ringing.

A second later on the other line all she heard was, “Shut it, tin balls, I’m on the phone! Hello?”

“Hey, Wade, it’s Shannon,” she said. “Are you busy?”

“Well, hello there, Mrs. Stark. What a pleasure.” He mocked formality. “I’m pretty free, what’s up?”

“I was hoping we could meet,so we can talk about this in person.”

“Sure thing. Send me your coordinates and I’ll be there soon. Can’t wait to see what you’ve been up to!” And with that the call ended

“Coming!” she yelled from the kitchen. She grabbed a hand towel and wiped the water off them and opened the door. “Hey, Wade, come on in.” She moved to let him in.

“Aww what no hug?” He stood there with his arms open. “Whoa wait! I see that glow Shan, are you pregnant?” he teased.

“Listen here, lady! No one tells me when I can and can’t wear my suit!” he exclaimed.

“You done with the tantrum?”

“Uh… no, but anyways how’s it been?” He leaned in closer. “Besides the bun in the oven?”

“Alright so here’s how it’s going to go. I’ll do you this favor in exchange for two things.” He held up two fingers.

“Just two things?” she repeated. “And what exactly are those two things?”

“Okay first of all why the heck would you want to be part of MY child’s life? And second, okay we can do the chimichangas.” She shook her head.

“Well ever since I became DP I came to realize that I will never get the chance to have my own kids you know?” His voice lowered towards the end but it was enough for her to hear.

“We can go over the specifics later, for now just enjoy this moment and let me know if you need help planning the reveal to the hubby.” He leaned closer to her.

“Of course, Wade, thank you.” she leaned her head on his. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

-----------------------------------------

One Year Later…

“Well, that’s it,” you said with finality as you looked down at your phone, checking the list. “We’ve done everything.”

Remy smiled down at you. “Wow. Time flies, right? What next?”

“What do you say we… well… settled down?” he asked carefully.

Your face whipped to him, surprised. “Settle down? What do you mean?”

“Well I don’t imagine you wanna keep jumping from country to country,” he surmised, putting his elbows on the railing.

“No, I don’t,” you agreed slowly.

“Then I suggest we take this somewhere permanently. Maybe… start to rebuild our lives. We’ve lived in the past, maybe it’s time we start looking at the future.”

“I don’t know…” you started, looking down and shaking your head.

“What’s got you hesitatin’, cheri?” he wondered, standing to put a finger under your chin to force you to look at him.

You sighed. “I’m not sure I know how to move on.”

You nodded.

“So maybe...we find us a place, and start to live again. It might be easier to focus on healing if we aren’t acting as if we’re on the run.”

You sighed in agreement. “You’re right… but where would we go? If we stay in one place too long, Shannon will find me.”

“Maybe,” he said with a shrug. “Maybe not. How about we go home? Maybe she’s already looked there.”

“Home? Like…” you asked, prompting him with a questioning look.

“Like New Orleans, darlin’.”

-----------------------------

One night, you stopped in at the bar Remy worked at, to help him close up.

“Hey, there,” he greeted with a wide grin. “What can I getcha?”

“Just a coke,” you answered. “How’s business been?”

He worked on getting you your drink as he answered, “Kinda slow. But that gave me a chance to do this new trick.”

“Sure thing. Let me get it set up.” He reached under the bar for a second, making you curious. ”Alright, so I’ll draw ‘em in like this,” he explained as he leaned over, looking handsome.

You nodded. “Mhm.”

Then as if it materialized in thin air, there was a red velvet box on the bar and your heart began pounding.

You couldn’t hear another man say those words to you. It felt so wrong. So utterly wrong.

Remy sank into the kiss easily before you let him go. You couldn’t hide the tears streaking down your face but you did your best to hide the thickness of your voice.

“I think maybe… maybe we should take things slow, at first, you know?” you offered easily. You didn’t want to lose Remy, he’s all you had. But you couldn’t give him what he wanted.

“You mean like, actually courtin’ each other?”

“Precisely,” you agreed with a nod and smile. “Then we can talk marriage. What do you say?”

“I say that sounds like a plan,” he responded before leaning over to kiss you again, slower and more tenderly.

---------------------------------

He didn’t deserve this.

So you packed your things, not leaving a note, about to head out the door in the middle of the night before his voice stopped you

“Where ya goin’?” he asked.

Damn, you mentally hissed. You didn’t want him to see you leave.

Your hand was already on the door knob. “I’m leaving. I think it’s best...for both of us.”

“Well thank you for makin’ my decisions for me,” he sarcastically said as he sauntered up behind you.

“You know what I mean. You deserve someone who isn’t broken like I am. Someone who can give you their whole heart.”

“I’ve got a talent for making others hurt, I was gonna put that talent to use. To be honest, I have a lot of pent up rage I’d like to get out of me.”

“I see,” he said with a bit of sorrow.

“I don’t want you to see me like that, either.”

“Why?” you breathed, confused.

“Because I love you, and I want to be with you, whether we’re baking cookies together for Christmas or off doing whatever it is you’re about to do. I’m with you -- always.”

You smiled at him, sadness filling the expression. “I can’t stop you. If you want to come… We'll go.”

‘Alright. Give me some time to pack, and we’ll go.”

Unforseen Chasm Tag list- @reigningqueenofwords @oldfreakything @adefectivedetective @dontbetooobvious

Tag list- @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @winchester-writes @winchesterenthusiast @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog @sammysbuttcheek @misz-adrii @sandlee44 @womanxofletters @natsuccs @childishhoebinoo @expecteddifferent @girl-next-door-writes @fanaticfanfiction @dakotapaigelove @sassy-spn-knight-of-hell @reigningqueenofwords @oldfreakything

Marvel: @reigningqueenofwords @flowerbunbunny @zelda2248 @misz-adrii

#unforeseen chasm #unforseen chasm #loki fic #loki x reader #Past!loki x reader #Loki Laufeyson #tony stark x ofc #tony stark fic #tony stark #endgame #remy #gambit #deadpool #wade wilson #bruce banner x ofc x tony stark #gambit x reader #Morgan Stark

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salty-donut-collecter · 5 years

Text

Why Not?

Part Twenty-Three

Twenty-Two {Masterlist} Twenty-Four

Chapter Word Count: 1638

Trigger Warnings: This is a very dramatic chapter honestly, so uhh

People get hurt, yelling, crying, mentions of neurodiversity

Please tell me if I need to tag anything else :)

*Also, I’m planning on having this story as a slow burn, so please be prepared :)

Prompts: “Do I look like I give a fuck?”, “I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I’m feeling a lot of it.”, and “Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.”

A/N: Okay, so this gets... interesting. I'm not going to tell you how things go in the future, but know that this is a very dramatic turn and I guess I just wanted to warn you a bit before I posted it. I'll answer questions as long as it doesn't spoil anything, so feel free to ask away

Happy reading! (Also, feel free to comment your thoughts! I love reading comments :))

Also, if you’d like to be added to the tags list, please let me know! :D

_____________________________________________________

You walked down the stairs seeing red, your eyes probably glowing as you couldn't help but hear the numerous amounts of thoughts running through everyone's heads. Complete focus wasn't there. The world blurred, mixed with reds and blacks. Accents of sunlight making everything feel like the Greybeyond from Lord of The Rings after Frodo had put the ring on.

When you get to the living room, you don't stop. The room quiets as everyone starts to stare. Within moments, you have a full room of eyes on you. Their thoughts won't stop, they're clouding your mind like smoke in a strip club.

Through all the noise, you heard Steve speak.

"Y/n, what're you--" his voice was low, like he was talking to an enemy, so you had no moral conflict in interrupting him.

"All of your kids are neurodivergent, and are currently suffering." You practically growled, "And yet you guys are continuing to argue so LOUD without ANY consideration for your children-- the children you chose to adopt and take care of." you spit, your hands balling into fists.

You saw Bucky's face go pale. He glanced at the exit.

A dry chuckle escaped your lips. "You really think they want to see you? After everything they've just listened to?" another sarcastic huff. "Why don't we settle this somewhere they won't hear you?"

Snap.

Your hand was still up when Steve's shield hit your face. Your jaw dislocated-- or maybe it broke. You weren't quite sure. Either way, you took your hand, which was still in its previous position of post-snapping, and used it to relocate your jaw. Seconds later it was healed.

"I'd like to say I'm a very sympathetic person, Steve," You took a breathe, still overwhelmed by the overlapping voices that were composed of everyone's thoughts, "That's why I'm maintaining my composure."

Another breath. You blink.

"However, becoming unhinged and attacking me out of nowhere won't do anyone any good for multiple reasons." you frowned, "I figured, since you'd been the one to teach Maverick that, that you too would understand the concept." your frown deepened, "But I guess being wrong is today's family trend." you sigh.

The place you'd transported everyone wasn't actually real. Technically, they were all still in the living room, passed out. Would you tell them that yet? No, but it helped when you thought about Steve throwing his shield at you thinking it'd actually do anything to you. He had seen you fight, after all.

So yes, instead of actually attempting to teleport them anywhere (which was only something you'd thought you might be able to do), you made it look like you'd teleported them to Château du Guildo, Créhen, France. They were awkwardly standing in the ruins' courtyard during a chill, starry night.

You made things as realistic as possible to evade any suspicion. However, Tony, who was just wearing a tee-shirt, was almost shakey with his arms crossed because you hacked into everyone's hypothalamus (which controls how you feel temperature--Bruce had you learn the known parts of the brain to make your job "easier") so they could feel their surroundings. You used to do things like this for HYDRA as a method of torture, but you tried not to let those types of thoughts enter your mind right now. You didn't need that. You needed to stay focused and concrete.

The more you thought about the way Katie looked at you as you looked

Around at the people your siblings called parents, the more your anger started to boil.

"Now that we have you out of the house," you forced yourself to calm down a little, rubbing the very realistic pain that was still present in your cheek, "What in the fucking UNIVERSE WAS THAT ABOUT?!" You didn't quite scream, but you wanted to--oh how you wanted to.

The so-called Avengers just looked down for a moment.

Then, of course, Steve fucking spoke up.

"Well," he looked around at his teammates, which apparently didn't include you anymore. What a shame. "Some of us don't think you should be... included on the team anymore."

A laugh, one that was so dry and sarcastic, it almost became real, left your lips. "That's rich." You chuckled, wiping a fake tear from your eye.

"Y/n, they're serious." Tony gave you a concerned dad look.

Your semi-forced smile dropped, "I know how serious he is, Tony." You Looked over to Sam, already knowing he was probably on Steve's side. He always was, after all, "They think I'm still controlled by HYDRA. They think I'm a double agent."

Sam stepped up, "HYDRA has nothing to do with this."

Vision chimed in for a moment, "Y/n, we think you're... unstable." he looked at you with a sincerity that no one else seemed capable of, "We only wish to expand your mental stability in order to prevent more outburst that could possibly cause harm towards others. Particularly Katie, and her siblings."

Tony stepped up, now just as angry as he probably was before, "Y/n wouldn't lay a finger on that girl and you know it!" he furiously spat, his hands shaking as he angrily pointed a finger at Vision.

"Tony, we're not saying she'd want to do anything." Steve seemed desperate to make Tony understand, you realized he'd probably been trying all night and getting nowhere. "No one in their right mind would want to hurt that little girl, but--"

"And when was the last time Y/n was in the wrong mindset?" Pietro asked, stepping up to Steve boldly, "When was the last time she did anything without a reason?" he asked, his arms disdainfully swinging at his sides.

Rhodey gave him a pointed look, "What do you call hacking into our locked files and illegally copying them to her laptop?" he asked.

"I call it finding the answers she should've had access to in the first place as a member of the Avengers." Wanda looked at Rhodey like she was reminding him of the fact that she could tear him to pieces in a matter of moments, and that she was definitely thinking about it.

"That's like giving Peter access to all of our files" Natasha rolled her eyes.

"He has access to all of our files," Tony corrected, "He's just too distressingly polite to look through them without our permission." He added.

Peter, who wasn't too far away, nodded. "I feel bad if I don't ask Mr. Stark first, but I do have access to everything, just like Mr. Stark and Steve," he told them. "I thought Y/n had full access too, so I didn't really think anything of it when I heard she hacked us, because what else are you supposed to do when you don't have the password and everyone else is asleep, right?" He nervously chuckled and watched himself shift his feet due to the vast amounts of attention he'd just accidentally earned.

"Besides, what's it to you anyway?" Clint just looked done with everyone, "We're prepared to deal with her if she does lose her shit, which isn't going to happen btw," he paused to take a sip from the coffee pot no one had noticed he had, "and it's not like she's as difficult as Barnes was!" Another sip, "Like, I love the kids as much, if not more, than you do, but she's not a threat to them. They love each other too much." He gave Steve a side look, "Almost like you and Barnes," he commented, proceeding to take a long, loud drink of his coffee as the rest of the world processed what he'd said.

Steve blushed, but didn't let Clint get to him.

"I still think that we just need to make sure--"

"What, exactly?" you snapped, "Because, I don't think there's literally anything for you to be worried about, Steve." You'd slowly become calmer in this atmosphere. It wasn't getting out of hand anymore, and it was more of a debate now. However, hearing Steve had caused your blank expression to fade into a blatantly irritated frown/scowl situation.

"We just want to make sure you're... yourself." Sam tried to reason, "We want to make sure you're well enough to have full control of yourself--"

"So it is about HYDRA?" you interjected, already knowing how the rest of his statement would've sounded.

No one said anything.

You scoffed, "unbelievable." you look up to the heavens you hoped didn't have to see this, "To think I believed you when you told me I was a part of the team. That you thought I was all better and wanted me here because I made a good edition." you threw your hands up as tears started to form in your eyes, "And all that other complete bullshit you were feeding me." You laughed, your voice breaking, "When all you really wanted was another helpless mess that wanted nothing more than to try and make up for all the horrible things they'd done. You wanted someone just trying to change-- because after James, Pietro, Wanda, really everyone here, you just couldn't get enough. You just love a sob story, huh?!" You sniffed, looking down at everyone around. Most everyone just had their heads down in shame.

You smiled, nodding as the tears started to fall. The overlapping voices weren't helping, but you could barely hear them anymore. Not over the quickly developing silence that your brain demanded.

"Not even a word." You continue to nod, not knowing what else to do, "I get it. I see." A sad, sinister smile appears on your face as an idea popped into your head.

"That's alright," You stopped nodding, smiling at the floor and whispering, "that just means you won't mind when I leave."

With that statement, you look up just in time to see everyone's final face of panic before--

Snap.

_____

Taglist: @introvertedsin @galacticalstarcat @acidrain707

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itsallavengers · 7 years

Text

Injured!Steve + Protective!Tony

“Come here.”

Steve shut his eyes, sighing irritably as he heard Tony step into the room. “Stark, now is not a good time.”

From the reflection of the mirror, he watched the man lean against the frame of the door and raise his eyebrows. “Well, I can see that much myself,” Tony stated.

A warning growl slipped through Steve’s teeth. “Stark, for God’s sake, can you just-”

“Hey, so since when did you start going back to last-name basis with me?” He interrupted a little petulantly, taking another step forward until he was officially inside Steve’s bathroom, “I thought we were making progress-”

“Stark, please, just-”

“-you know, I don’t call you Rogers any more, and ever since you yelled at me for getting crushed and then pretending I was fine, I’m trying not to hide my injuries either, which apparently is more than can be said for-”

“TONY!”

The yell cut through the words the same way the razor Steve had been holding to his cheek cut through skin at the jerking movement, and he cursed as the blade sliced through skin. Fucking shaky hands. He sighed, muttering something incomprehensible as a he rested a palm against his forehead. “Tony, please, can you just go-”

“You’re hurt.” Tony stated it bluntly, folding his arms and staring down at Steve as he leaned over the sink. Steve hated being seen like this. “You’re hurt, Steve, so do us both a favour and just come here.”

“I’m fine, Tony,” Steve gritted- why was Tony still there? They’d had their argument hours ago. Steve was finished for the day. He didn’t have the energy for any more fighting.

“You know,” Tony said, and suddenly there was a hand curled around Steve’s wrist as it attempted to bring the shaking razor back up to his jaw, stopping it an inch from his face, “you don’t have to do absolutely everything on your own.”

Steve turned, looking down at Tony and clenching his jaw. Tony didn’t waver- his own face a little bruised, a little beaten, but defiant as ever. They remained locked in a staring match for a few seconds, until finally Steve let go of the straight razor, letting it drop into the sink with a clatter. “Fine,” he muttered, “there, it’s gone. Take me to medical if you’re so damn concerned- they’re only gonna do the same things I was doing to myself a few minutes ago.”

Tony shook his head and pulled Steve’s wrist downward, tugging until he caught on and realised Tony wanted him to move. Humouring him, Steve let him lead them- following Tony until they reached the toilet, where he pushed down the lid and then gestured for Steve to sit. He raised an eyebrow in question.

Tony waved a hand over to his bare chest in answer. The chest currently littered with cuts, scrapes, bruises and a bullet hole. Oh- and possibly a few broken bones. Dislocated shoulder at the most- he was getting to fixing it, but it hurt like a fucker and he didn’t really have the willpower at that point in time.

It had been a long fight. And loathe though Steve was to admit it, they took a toll on him.

“Sit down,” Tony told him, and when Steve made no effort to move, he added a brutally honest “please, Steve.”

(Read more, mobile users!)

There was another moment’s worth of glares, and then finally he dropped. Carefully. His ribs still hurt, after all.

Tony nodded, pleased, and then turned back over to the sink, grabbing the bloody cloth from the side. He wrung it out a few times, peered at Steve through the reflection of the glass that hung in front of him, and then turned. “I’m not taking you to the medbay because you won’t fucking stay there unless you’re fucking tranqued,” he stated. “I’ll just do it myself.”

Instantly, the rebuttal formed on Steve’s lips; the assurance that he was fine, that he didn’t need help, he could do it on his own. But before the words could even leave his mouth, he felt the warmth of a hand against his jaw, tugging it upward so he was looking right at Tony.

“Don’t,” the man said fiercely, “you’re not fine, Steve. Jesus, if I’d have known you were this bad I wouldn’t have- I wouldn’t...”

He broke off, looking a little far away as he frowned. His lip was rubbed red from where teeth had scraped. “Just sit there and let me do this, Steve. You can look sullen the whole damn time if you want, just- just let me help you. For once, alright? Let someone help.”

Steve said nothing, and Tony knew that was as close as he was going to get to an agreement, so he crouched on his knees and pressed the cloth over the dirt and friction burns running across Steve’s middle. He couldn’t hold back a wince, the memory of the explosion- the fierce pain of his body being scraped along the road as the shockwave pushed him away and away and away- consuming him for a moment.

Tony’s hand was soft, the free one resting lightly against his good shoulder. “Sorry,” he murmured as the cool dampness swept across his stomach.

Steve shut his eyes. Letting Tony do this felt wrong, somehow. Like he shouldn’t be seeing it- seeing their team leader as vulnerable as this. It was a bad example. “I’m sorry too,” he muttered without thinking.

Tony’s hands stopped, and Steve barely held back the little whimper of displeasure. The cool softness had been comforting. “Steve, you don’t have anything to be sorry for.” He broke off, shaking his head. “Only person in this room who should be apologising is me. I didn’t- I didn’t mean what I said. And looking at you now, it’s obviously not true either.”

He looked at Steve, just for a second, before his eyes focused back on the injuries and he finished wiping them down. He was biting his lip again, like he wanted to say more.

“Fighting eachother after fighting evil is like a tradition now,” Steve told him, a smile ghosting his mouth, “wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t have you insulting me for something on the ride home.”

Tony laughed humorlessly. His hands finished swiping over the dirt, and he leaned up higher, nudging himself further into Steve’s space as he cocked his head to the bullet wound. “You taken it out?” He asked quietly.

Steve nodded, watching him intently. It felt like he had a spotlight on him whenever Tony stared at him like that. So focused- all that mind, all that thought on him. It made his skin prickle.

Tony breathed out a sigh, and Steve felt it against his chest. “Just give me a minute- need to grab something from my room,” he muttered, before standing up and walking. He stopped by the threshold, waggling a finger over to him. “Do not go anywhere.”

Steve nodded again, and Tony hurried out of the room and down the corridor, over to where his bedroom was at the bottom. Steve heard his feet patting against the carpet- an anxiously fast pace. Did he really look that bad?

Probably.

Tony returned thirty seconds later, hands full of various bandages and bottles. Steve snorted. He really was going all out, then. “You got a stretcher somewhere in there?”

“Ha ha,” Tony dumped the contents of his arms down next to Steve’s feet and returned to his position knelt on the floor between Steve’s legs. Possibly something that would’ve been cause for his mind to wander, in another circumstance. But not right now. Too tired for that.

“You know,” Tony said lightly, as he dug a finger into one of the creams and then smoothed it over the raw skin of Steve’s stomach, “I really don’t like seeing you hurt. It bothers me.”

Steve raised his eyebrows and ducked his chin, but Tony’s eyes remained fixed on his midsection. “It shouldn’t,” Steve told him, “I’m tough. I can deal with it.”

“You shouldn’t fucking have to,” Tony hissed, head jerking up angrily, “at least everyone knows I’m a slippery bastard who will deny his injuries until they eventually kill him. You know that. And you nag and bitch and whine until I go get them sorted. No one- we don’t fucking know when you’re hurt, because you just...” Tony waved a hand, “you just walk around like you’re fine and then pull bullets out of your skin in the privacy of your bathroom and I hate it!”

Tony’s jaw was clenched and his mouth was a tight line as he shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. I know you- it’s clear as day that you help us all so much on the field. I was just bullshitting because I was angry and you’d nearly died and I just couldn’t- I was a dick. I’m sorry.”

Steve thought back to the harsh words, thrown across the conference room table as both stood rigid on either end. ‘And what do you do, Steve? You have no idea what it’s like to be up there, trying to monitor literally everything that’s going on around you. You just stand there and punch a few targets and then get yourself into some sort of shit that requires a teammate to drag your ass out of it for the sake of the mission! You could’ve been fucking killed today, Steve!’

‘I had total control of the situation, you didn’t need to-’

‘Yes I did, Cap. And it put my job at risk to do it, so maybe in future, just don’t fucking try and get yourself in situations you can’t handle.’

‘Fuck you, I would’ve made it-’

‘NOT WITHOUT DYING!’

He pursed his lips and looked away. Say what you will, but Tony had a point. Steve had no right to complain about his injuries when he was at fault for getting them. He should’ve done better- better for his team, and the people he was trying to pr-

“Steve,” and Tony sounded desperate this time as his hand curled across the underside of Steve’s jaw and pulled his head so he was looking down at Tony, “please don’t use this as a reason to just never tell anyone about your injuries again. I was wrong, okay? I didn’t know you’d been hurt- still shouldn’t have said it, but there you go, I’m not exactly known for saying the right thing, am I? But you need to- you need to let us know when it gets too goddamn much for you, we can help-”

“I told you,” Steve couldn’t help but retaliate with, eyes flashing, “I asked you for help and you told me I was useless!”

Tony paled. “Steve, I didn’t mean th-”

“You know what?” Steve pushed Tony’s hands away and stood up shakily, “just go, Tony- I can sort this out myself. I don’t- I don’t need you t-”

“Well suck it up, sugar, ‘cause I need you, and when you jump headfirst into situations that you can’t hope to contain in some sort of fucking suicide mission, I tend to get a little goddamn angry! So fucking sue me, Steve, but I actually really fucking love you and I cannot fucking bear the thought of you doing this on your own.”

There was a poignant silence; Steve’s eyebrows rocketing up to his hairline as Tony glared angrily up at him. The only sound in the room was the heavy breathing from both of them. He opened his mouth, but Tony just shook his head and grabbed his good shoulder, pushing him back down on to the toilet seat. Feeling like his brain had totally short-circuited, Steve obeyed the order.

“Oh, and one more thing- there’s a fucking difference between asking for help when you think there’s going to be a problem, and gritting out my name through the comm when you’re seconds away from being murdered in a situation that you knew would get you hurt, but chose not to warn any of us about beforehand despite that,” Tony told him, eyes firmly looking at the injuries on Steve’s chest again. When he bent down for one of the heavy-duty adhesive bands Bruce had designed for things just like his bullet wounds, Steve saw his hands were shaking.

He tried to think of something, anything to say, but Tony jerked his head again. “Just let me help you, Steve, then I’ll get out of your hair. I don’t want to argue again,” he said quietly. He sounded sad.

Steve was still reeling from his words before, and so he followed Tony’s orders and remained silent as the man knelt between the V of his legs and worked through his injuries one by one. His fingers were gentle; impossibly soft against the rawness of his skin, and Steve could barely hold back the shivers. Tony’s hands had always been a source of wonder for Steve.

Dammit. Tony’s hands and Tony’s concentration, both fixed entirely on him. If only it wasn’t just because Steve was injured and Tony felt guilty.

Steve sucked in a small breath and bit his lip, looking down at Tony. Sensing eyes on him, Tony looked up, just for a second, before his hand pressed over the place where Steve had yanked out the bullet. It hurt like a motherfucker, and he clamped his eyes shut. “Fucking-”

“Shh, sorry, it’s all good, see, done now,” Tony hurried to assure him, letting the pressure go so that his palm was resting almost imperceptibly against the tough adhesive band now pressed firm against his wound.

Tony was silent as Steve calmed his breathing- hand just pressing a soft assurance into his skin before he got to his feet again. Steve’s eyes followed him, but Tony had his gaze fixed on the obvious dislocation in Steve’s shoulder, and so didn’t notice. “And you were trying to shave with this, were you?”

Steve tried to think of a reply. “I... didn’t want to deal with it just then.”

Tony breathed out a laugh. “Only you, Steve. Only you. Alright- on the count of-”

Tony jerked his hands and Steve cursed a blue streak as fire consumed his shoulder for a moment. On autopilot, his hand flew up and wrapped around the threat, and it took all his composure not to just crush Tony’s wrist between his fingers. As it was, he relaxed almost immediately after taking hold, but found Tony’s own hand gripping right back, grounding him with a soothing thumb running along the back of his palm.

He bit back a ragged choke. Fuck- he hated dislocations. They never got any easier to deal with.

His head dropped forward, exhausted, but before it could hit his waiting hand he felt it being redirected sideways, into the soft material of Tony’s T-shirt. Fingers curled through his hair and stroked across his aching shoulder, and Steve melted into the touch, burying his face into Tony’s midsection. His whole body hurt. His shoulder ached. The skin on his stomach scratched painfully any time he moved.

Sucking in a series of short, sharp breaths, Steve tried to calm himself back down. It was over now. He was back home. His injuries were...tolerable. Tony was there and he was still holding onto him gently, and it was fucking good; it was good to be treated like he wasn’t just some indestructible empty soldier for once-

Then Tony made to move away, and it was only Steve’s sudden desperation that made his hand grip hold of Tony’s wrist and pull him back in again. “Stay,” he said, voice wavering, “please- please stay. I need you too. I... I love you too. Just. Don’t leave.”

Tony froze; breath catching on his lips as Steve stared helplessly up at him and prayed Tony would just let him have this. Let him be weak.

It was hit and miss for a few seconds. Steve let his hand slacken, miserable, when he saw Tony hesitating. He didn’t want to keep him when Tony had no desire to stay. But as soon as his fingers began to slip away, Tony’s own found them and curled back through them, holding him in place. His heartbeat was rapid.

Tony’s mouth opened and shut a few times, before he just bit his lip and stepped back into Steve’s space again. “I’m gonna burn the Red Skull to the ground,” Tony muttered above him, “fucking watch me.”

Steve shut his eyes and smiled, unspeakably relieved. “Pretty sure he’s my arch nemesis, not yours.”

“Should have thought about that before he did this to you then, shouldn’t he?”

Steve’s mouth twitched fondly. “You know, you don’t... you don’t have to do this. I forgive you. We both said things we didn’t mean in the fight. It’s alright.”

Tony sighed, his hand cupping behind Steve’s ear and pulling him up so he was looking at Tony once again. “Let me make it up properly,” he said with a nervous grin, “what about I take you to dinner? Wherever you wanna go, Steve. I’ll make it happen. It’ll be great, obviously, it’s me, and I am the best at dates. Sort of. I mean- metaphorically speaking. I know all the etiquette, at least- the theory behind my knowledge is definitely- definitely solid. Stop me whenever, by the way, because this will go on for a while if y-”

Steve laughed- couldn’t help it. Tony’s face was going redder with each word and it was just adorable. “What about now?” He asked suddenly, hand squeezing around Tony’s.

“Now?”

“Now.”

“Ohhh, no way,” Tony shook his head with a snort, and Steve’s face fell until Tony added “you can barely even walk, idiot, you think I’m going to take you on the best date of your life now? It’ll ruin the mood.”

Steve frowned. “I think it would be romantic.”

“In what- how in the fuck would that be anything close to romantic?”

“Have you ever had ‘Thank God We Both Survived’ Sex?”

Tony froze, stepping back a little to look at Steve properly. “...Have you?”

Steve answered with a small smile. Tony just choked for a couple of seconds, before blinking rapidly a few times and then smacking Steve lightly across the head. “Don’t do that,” he scolded.

“Do what?”

“Make me short circuit. I am neither used to it nor a fan of it. I should be the one making the sexual comments here. Anyway-” his voice went a little softer, and his hand rested tentatively against Steve’s cheek, like he wasn’t sure where exactly he stood, “you need to rest. Seriously- you went through some shit today.”

Steve sighed, shoulders jumping upward a little. “I go through shit a lot of days. I’m really not that bad- used to it by now.”

Tony made an unhappy sound in the back of his throat, but he didn’t say anything. Just stroked Steve’s cheek with the side of his thumb and gave him a look. Steve watched him through his lashes, and they sat there together in the quiet of the bathroom, Tony’s hand a comforting warmth on the side of his face.

“Bed,” Tony said after another few seconds, eyes flitting downward and crimson spilling across his cheeks once again, “go to- you need to go and rest. That’s what I mean. Obviously.”

“Obviously.” Steve raised an eyebrow as he braced his hands against his knees and then pushed upward with a wince. Immediately about 5 different limbs flared painfully, and he wobbled precariously on his feet before being steadied by a solid weight against his side; Tony’s hand curling behind his back and supporting him. “Easy,” Tony warned, balancing out their weight with a hand against the wall, “just take it slow, alright? Good though I am, I didn’t magically cure you.”

“I can feel that much,” Steve gritted as they slowly began to walk out of the bathroom and toward Steve’s bed in the other room. Tony just smiled- the one with his teeth and his dimple and the lines around his eyes- and Steve couldn’t help but watch him, more than a little mesmerised by the sight. Tony’s smile was beautiful.

They finally made it to the bed after a few touch and go moments in which Steve had lost footing and almost faceplanted into the wooden panelling, and Tony gingerly manoeuvred him into a sitting position and then hovered nervously for a few more seconds, unsure. Always happy to help, Steve wrapped a hand around his waist and swung him around, pushing him on to the bed right next to him. Tony landed with a thump and a sigh, and he looked sceptically over to Steve.

“No sex,” he raised a finger in warning, “just sleep.”

Steve nodded solemnly- if with a hint of petulance. “Fine.”

Tentatively, he fell backward. He was already in sweats and no shirt, so they’d be fine to sleep in, and even if they weren’t he probably would have done it anyway. Too tired for anything else at that point.

Tony rested his head against the heel of his cheek and looked across at him. Steve let his head fall sideways, his eyes falling shut as he smiled. “What- not even a kiss goodnight?” He tried.

There was an amused hum from beside him, and then a dip in the bed as Tony leaned forward. Steve opened his eyes just in time to watch Tony’s mouth press lightly into the tip of his nose. He frowned, crossing his eyes to try and focus, and when Tony leaned back and saw him, he burst into laughter.

“Goodnight, Steve,” he whispered happily, dropping back into the pillows and curling closer into the warmth of Steve’s chest.

Steve looked down at him, still partially unable to believe that he’d started off the evening with Tony hurling obscenities at him and ended it with him in his bed. Maybe that was just them, though. Steve couldn’t say he was all that bothered- he needed Tony just as much as Tony needed him. For balance.

“Night,” he murmured, moving his hand to Tony’s waist and curling there gently, “and thank you for being here tonight.”

He felt Tony’s fingers play against the cuts across Steve’s stomach, impossibly light. “Always, Steve.”

He shut his eyes to the sensation of Tony’s mouth against his shoulder, and fell into sleep at the feeling of his lips soothing the ache that had lay there seconds previously.

Yeah. He could definitely get used to that.

#because Stevetony patching one another up and tony being protective is my mcfuckening kink #stevetony #tony stark #steve rogers #itsallavengers writes

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jumazo · 7 years

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19 Things to Start Doing for Yourself in the New Year.

By Maria Stenvinkel

“And suddenly you know… it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings.” ~Meister Eckhart

Did you know that 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions fail?

That’s pretty crazy. Maybe you’re part of that statistic. Feeling eager, excited, and ready for change only to fall back into old patterns after a few weeks.

This was me, year after year—striving for change but not managing to pull it through, but not last year.

A few days ago I found a letter I had written to myself on New Year’s Eve in 2016, describing how I wanted 2017 to unfold. I described what I wanted to accomplish for my business, the kind of people I wanted to surround myself with, and most importantly, how I wanted to feel through it all.

To my surprise, I noticed how much I actually had accomplished. Even though my letter was very ambitious (oops, went down that road again…), I noticed how my vision, focus, and intentions had placed me in the right direction throughout the year.

In previous years, my focus had been on achieving things such as exercising three times per week, eating only healthy food, and quitting bad habits. You know, concrete results. This time, however, my focus was on working toward my vision of the future I desire while growing and enjoying myself in the process.

In simple terms: making sure I was happy while working toward a compelling future. So, whenever I put down a goal, I also made sure to define how I wanted it to feel.

For example, instead of deciding “I’m going to exercise three times per week” I wrote “I’m gonna love my body and take really good care of it by practicing yoga, dancing, or doing other activities I feel drawn to do.”

To help stir your imagination for the New Year—so that you’re not pushed by pressure, but instead pulled by pleasure—I’ve listed nineteen things you could start doing.

1. Start focusing on what you already have.

It’s easy to focus on scarcity. To turn your focus toward what you currently don’t have in your life. In this social media-dominated, hyper-commercial, and filtered society, a state of lack can often get the best of us. But, as Oprah said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

Abundance isn’t something you acquire. It’s something you tune into. So, start noticing, focusing on, and truly appreciating what’s currently in your life. This year, I’m going to focus on the people I love, the fact that I’m healthy, and knowing that I’m in charge of where I steer my life.

2. Start using your imagination for creating.

Imagination is a powerful thing. It can either show you the most catastrophic scenario or allow you to play, explore, and create in your mind. Your imagination can either be your greatest tool in turning your dreams into reality or your greatest roadblock.

Use it to create, not destroy. Use it to stir faith, not doubt. Use it to become a force for good, both for yourself and those around you. For example, instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong if you start your own business, imagine how fulfilled you’ll feel and all the people you could help.

3. Start living in the now.

Often, we live in past or future tense. Often, we’re so caught up in what took place or what might happen that we lose sight of what is happening. Start living where life actually takes place: here and now.

Use your senses to become present: feeling, hearing, seeing, tasting, and touching. Say yes to what you’re doing, no matter how insignificant it might seem.

When you’re washing the dishes, make that the most important thing in your life. When you’re transporting yourself, make that the most important thing in your life. When you’re speaking to someone, make that the most important thing in your life.

4. Start ignoring what others are doing.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. To look at others and either judge, blame, or feel sorry for ourselves. But, we don’t grow green grass by focusing on our neighbor’s garden; we do it by nurturing our own.

Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes to someone’s greatest moment. Instead, choose to honor your life by creating, investing in, and caring for it. Simply, keep your eyes on your lane.

5. Start being really honest with yourself.

The only way to change something is to first acknowledge what is. To look at the situation exactly as it is but not worse than it is. To look your fears, limitations, and blockages right in the eye.

What’s working and what isn’t? What do you want to do that scares the crap out of you? Give yourself credit for what’s working and then look at how you can change what isn’t. As they say, the truth will set you free. But first, it might hurt or piss you off.

6. Start putting better labels on things.

What glasses are you wearing? The optimistic, fearful, or I-cannot-do-this pair? How we experience life depends on how we choose to look at things. Losing a job can either mean a problem or a great opportunity. A breakup can either mean the end or the beginning of something new.

Label things in a way that empowers you. Turn a traumatic event into a blessing in disguise, a difficult situation into a challenge, and an ending into a new beginning. Be the author of your experiences.

7. Start telling empowering stories.

Building on the previous point, notice what stories are currently running through your life. Maybe it’s about your parents, financial situation, or health condition. The stories we tell define us. Empowering stories create empowering situations.

One story I used to tell myself was that “I wasn’t ready” to do things in my business, to launch products or workshops. Once I changed the story to “I’ll do the best I can and learn along the way,” taking action and expanding my comfort zone felt doable.

Look at one area of your life you’d like to change. What is the story you tell yourself about this area? How can you tell a better, more empowering story?

8. Start focusing on something greater than you.

In life, we either show up for what we do, how we do it, or why we do it. Having the last one (“the why”) defined is what brings purpose and meaning. What’s your mission, change you want to see, or reason for pursuing something?

Participating in something greater than yourself and being clear on why you’re doing it adds purpose. And if you don’t know what that something greater is yet, make it your mission to find out.

9. Start acting like you care about yourself.

Do you truly care about yourself? Do you act, speak, and treat yourself like the lovable and loving person you are? Because, here’s the thing: we cannot give what we don’t have. Just like we need to put our own oxygen mask on first when flying, we need to tend to ourselves first before we can tend to others.

Know that putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Look at your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects. What do you need more or less of to feel good? Then, make it a priority to care for yourself (so that you also can give from a genuine place).

10. Start trusting that others are doing the best they can.

Trust that everyone is doing the best they can based on their experience, beliefs, and state. The person who cut you off in traffic might be in a rush to get home to a sick loved one. The person who didn’t deliver his project on time might be experiencing heartbreak. The person who was rude to you in the queue might be having a really bad day.

You never know what someone else is going through. So, instead of making assumptions, trust that they’re doing the best they can. Lead from a place of compassion, not judgment, and you’ll spare yourself (and others) unnecessary pain, anger, and frustration.

11. Start asking better questions.

Questions such as: “What can go wrong?” or “What if I screw up?” simply don’t have a positive answer. Your mind will go looking for whatever answer you ask for, so start asking wisely. Sure, you can ask them to get clear on the worst-case scenario, but then make sure to shift focus.

As Tony Robbins said, “Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” Instead, try asking questions such as “How can I make this a success?” and “How can I find the best solution to this situation?”

12. Start caring about things that actually matter.

If you care too much about things such as judgment and criticism, you’ll mostly keep yourself stuck and paralyzed—unless you find things to care more about.

13. Start trusting yourself wholeheartedly.

Just like any other relationships, the one with yourself needs to be fueled, nurtured, and taken care of. When you feel curious, intrigued, or excited about something, trust that it’s happening for a reason. When you get red flags about a person or situation, trust that it’s also happening for a reason.

Start acting like you trust yourself fully. Behave like you’re in full connection with your inner self and always guided. The more you act like you trust and believe in yourself, the more that will actualize for you.

14. Start celebrating your obstacles.

“Obstacles do not block the path, they are the path.” The first time I heard this Zen Proverb, I didn’t get it. How could obstacles be the path? This idea of obstacles not standing in the way but actually being the way sounded like alien language to me.

But, here’s what I discovered: Desires are powerful. Life is always guiding us toward what we want, but in that process, blockages and fears will be surfaced so that they can be seen and/or healed. So, when you’re dealing with an obstacle like fear, don’t avoid it. Instead, push yourself to work through it. Every obstacle you face brings you one step closer to your dreams.

15. Start gaining perspective on your problems.

I once heard someone say, “The problem with problems is that we think we’re not supposed to have any.” Problems might not always feel great, but they propel us forward. They shed light on what isn’t working so that we can find, explore, and investigate better solutions.

In moments of struggle, remind yourself that all over this planet, people are fighting for their survival. Acknowledge your problems but then shift toward finding a solution. What do you need to progress? Where and from whom can you gain clarity, confidence, and support to move forward?

16. Start embracing your vulnerability.

Vulnerability is scary. Yet, it’s the gateway to growth, change, and connection. It’s the last thing we want to show in ourselves, but the first thing we look for in others. We cannot shut out pain, shame, and disappointment without also blocking love, growth, and connection.

So, have the courage allow your deepest and most fragile parts to be seen. Allow your heart to crack right open and something beautiful will happen: you’ll be able to transform difficult feelings into love, strength, and compassion.

17. Start spending time with the right people.

How are the people you spend most time with? Do they give you energy or drain you? Friendships and connections aren’t something static; they’re always in motion. Set a high standard for yourself and choose to only spend time with people you enjoy.

Make sure to surround yourself with a tribe that reflects how you want to feel and be and what you want to do and have. If you don’t have that today, then make space for those people to come into your life.

18. Start taking 100 percent responsibility for your life 19. St

Last week, I met a girl in the co-working space where I work. It was the second time we met, yet I felt urged to suddenly share my at-the-time struggle of not feeling enough for my business and some people in my life. Apparently, she was experiencing the similar things. I left feeling relieved, empowered, and more connected to her than before.

19. Start creating the life you want now.

It’s easy to postpone. To fool ourselves into thinking “Once my situation is different, I’ll act on my dream” or “Once I’m in a relationship, I’ll start loving myself.” But to live the life you desire, you’re going to have to create it now, not sometime in the future.

Conditions or timing will never be perfect. So, instead, ask yourself, “If I had all the love, money, time, confidence, and knowledge I desire, how would I think, act, and feel?” Step into that version of yourself.

Take Baby Steps Toward the Life You Desire

To get to where you want to be, you have to start walking in that direction. Don’t see it as a sprint, but more as a marathon. How can you create a manageable and enjoyable year where, not pressure, but pleasure is leading the way?

Don’t overwhelm yourself by setting too big goals or expecting things to be perfect. (They never are). Instead, choose to focus on one to three things from the list. Then once you feel comfortable with one area, move into another. Remember, consistency beats intensity.

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daleisgreat · 5 years

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2018-19 TV Season Recap

Previous TV Season Recaps - (2013-14 | 2014-15 | 2015-16 | 2016-17 | 2017-18) 9-13-2019 Update: 2019 Summer TV Season Recap now online! Click here for recaps of latest seasons of GLOW, Veronica Mars & Jessica Jones! Greetings and welcome to my belated annual TV season recap! Got to this several weeks later than I wanted to, but glad to finally knock this out of the park! I will…attempt…to make this a little more concise than previous years so fingers crossed that I do not drone on forever! If you do have the time and want to check out my past year in TV breakdowns going back to 2013 please check out the links above! With that out of the way let us jump to the seasons of new TV I devoured from late summer/fall 2018 through spring 2019.

South Park – Like the past few seasons of South Park it features a season spanning arc, though it is not as prevalent as past seasons as the build up is for the town’s annual bike parade the kids are all stoked for. It was an interesting build up throughout to the payoff in the finale. A secondary, smaller season-spanning arc focusing on legalization of weed in South Park was a hokey plot thread to see touched on from time to time and had a payoff at the end I cracked up at. Other episodes were kind of a little lower fare than past seasons with the usual riffing on current events that South Park is known for with notable takes this season on the Roseanne Barr controversy conveyed through the return of Mr. Hankey and additionally ManBearPig making his deadly return and rampaging through South Park. Grade: B- The Conners – Previously known as Roseanne, but because of some ill-worded tweets from her last year lead to her removal of the show and being rebranded as The Conners. I am fine with how they wrote Roseanne out of the show by touching on her pill-addiction issues that were a focus in the first season. That said, I dug it more than its return season, primarily because the cast is gelling together far better now. Sarah Gilbert and Lecy Goransen both stepped up to fill the void with Barr's exit from the show. Darlene is the front and center star now, and she is nailing it holding the chaos at home down. It is good see DJ finally receive a marginal, but noticeable bump up in screen time this season after being an afterthought in a handful of episodes in the return season. I was glad to see an episode emphasize Dan dealing with Roseanne's storyline passing of the show. Also was fun to see cameos from recurring characters from the first run of the show throughout this season. Darlene finally gets a new gig at a newspaper and her boss there has tremendous chemistry with her character. A part of me still seems like that show is just not right with Roseanne not on there, but I understand why that is how it is and the cast is making the best out of a bad situation and are all bringing it with a pretty damn good second return season. Grade:B+

Orville – So I mentioned in last year’s TV recap I dropped off this show towards the end of the season because McFarlane’s humor felt a little too forced in an otherwise fine and occasionally pretty good modern take on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Eventually I revisited it and finished off last few episodes of the first season and I was glad I did because Orville stepped it up and dialed back McFarlane’s jokes and while still noticeable are better paced and not as nonstop as most of the first season was. The second season does a little cast swapping and position shifting around the Orville vessel much like the second season of TNG did. It leads to a better flowing second season with LaMarr now heading up engineering. I will miss Halston Sage’s kickass security character from the show, but Jessica Szohr proves to be a suitable replacement. Seeing the true nature of Isaac’s home planet was a two-part episode arc I will never forget that ranked near the top as my favorite TV all year and was highlighted by a huge CG-quality space dogfight of theatrical quality. As much as I loved this season there were still a couple head-scratcher episodes with one Bortus-themed episode that did not go over well with me, and another where Claire attempts to date Isaac in an intriguing arc, but eventually had a lackluster conclusion. Major props again to Seth McFarlane for restraining his humor which leads to the times when Seth does work in his jokes playing out far better and more memorable including a Twinkie joke ranking right up there with Twinkie references in UHF and Die Hard. Props also to Seth for portraying a pretty damn good captain too. Grade: A-

Castlevania - I cranked out both seasons of Netflix’s exclusive anime based on the hit videogame series at the beginning of this year. Both are really quick watches with the first season being four episodes and the second only eight episodes. I am not even going to attempt to elucidate the intricacies of the plot. Both seasons involve signature characters from the series such as Belmonts, Dracula and Alucard. Both seasons also have exquisite animation and all kinds of lusciously crafted gory medieval violence. I was not super huge into both seasons as the lore sometimes went right over my head, but both served as entertaining background noise to indulge. Grade: B Arrested Development - The second half of season five hit Netflix earlier this year. I consider it more-or-less season six since it launched about roughly a year after season five first started. It puts a nice bow on most of the Netflix-era arcs such as George Michael’s FakeBlock business, whether Joeb’s controversial magic trick really spelled the end of Tony Wonder, Michael’s repeated failed attempts at trying to save the family and yes it all wraps up with the breaking-ground ceremony for the Mexico/America border wall. For the most part I was a fan of this season although it is a victim of past Netflix-era seasons where they could not film with the entire ensemble cast present which leads to many odd camera angles and noticeable stand-ins present. I do not know if a future season is announced, but I am guessing not as this season had a nice sense of closure to it, and by that I mean in only the most pure, awkward nature possible that proved to be a worthy sendoff to Arrested Development. Grade: B+

Gotham - This was the fifth and final season of Gotham. FOX announced a year ahead of time they would be running a shortened final season of the show to give an opportunity to the creators and cast to wrap up all the story threads. Only problem was Gotham had a ton of threads and a huge cast. Season four’s theme was all about the ‘rise of the villain’ with Batman’s trademark wide range of antagonists coming into their own by season four. With the shortened season, several of those villains like Mr. Freeze and the…flamethrower girl do not appear whatsoever in the final seasons and some of my favorites like Poison Ivy and Zsasz are limited to only one or two episodes. Rest assured fan favorites Penguin and Riddler are featured throughout and both are awesome to follow along with in their constant love/hate relationship. This season-spanning arc features Gotham declared a DMZ and is ruled by gang warfare and Gordon is in charge of a resource-depleted Gotham PD constantly under siege throughout. Since the show presumably wrapped up three-to-five years early I understand the direction FOX went with having the final episode jump several years in the future so we can finally see Bruce Wayne’s destiny come to fruition and I loved the build to the memorable closing shot of the series. The final episode also has many other caps sealed to see how the rest of the fantastic cast evolved. While I could not help but get the feeling that this season was rushed, I felt the cast and crew did as best as they possibly could with the condensed season they were allotted to wrap it up. Grade: A- DC/CW ARROW-VERSE

Arrow - The seventh season of Arrow gets the distinction of being the only one of the four CW shows I started at their season premiere that I made it to the season finale of. Ollie’s compromise to serve time in jail at the end of season six had real consequences where he spends the first half of the season in prison and his journey to get out of there was an enticing ride that sees him making unlikely enemies and allies and having to go through the prison’s twisted underground fight club to stay in the warden’s good graces while Team Arrow looks through every nook and cranny to get his sentence repealed. I loved the flash forwards this season that focuses on the cast’s offspring coming together as future vigilantes to save Star City. The Arrow-verse crossover special this season, Elseworlds was another solid crossover and served as introducing the Batwoman character while CW primes up that show later this year. Seeing Barry and Oliver react to their introduction to Superman was priceless. The annual cameo of Tommy was the best yet this season, and I absolutely loved his final interaction with Oliver. The conclusion paved the way for what is announce to be Arrow’s final season debuting this fall. I was very saddened to hear one long-standing character will not be part of it, but loved the heartfelt way they were taken care of on the season finale.

Pen15 - This Hulu-exclusive show is a nostalgia trip for me. It focuses on two 13-year old girls in 1999 starting seventh grade. There is a lot of late-90s ‘extreme’ pop culture window dressing that I could not help but sink my teeth into since it is what I grew up with in high school. The episode dedicated to AOL Instant Messenger is spot-on and brought back so many memories. Pen15 focuses on all the craziness of middle school one could anticipate, including a few awkward pubescent encounters that got borderline uncomfortable to watch. For the most part though I am on board with following along with the adventures of Anna and Maya in future seasons. Grade: B+ Riverdale, Flash, Legends of Tomorrow - I dropped almost all of the CW shows I follow except for Arrow. Riverdale jumped the shark too many times this season and it seems like they are placing the Archie characters in some odd beast of a show that is a Warriors-Hunger Games-DnD hybrid that got progressively nuts-o by the week. I was initially on board with the new direction and twists on the Archie characters I grew up with, but as this seasons warred on it has gone off the deep end with a horrible intro thread that saw Archie in juvie and eventually on the run for the first half of the season and Veronica heading up a speakeasy underground at Pop’s. Without diving into too many spoilers I was not a fan of how Riverdale glorified certain things that rubbed me the wrong way and a few other characters overstayed their welcome who did not gel with the rest of the cast. The whole speakeasy scenes in the show never gelled, even with the new hard-edge drama this series has and finally when Cheryl ups and forms her Hunger Games tribute gang of archers was the line I finally went and threw my hands up and dropped Riverdale a few episodes after the winter break.

Flash was on a slow downward spiral of mediocrity past couple seasons and I could not take it anymore with new characters I could not get into and Flash looking like a buffoon every week. Chris Klein portrayed the season-long villain and I could not help but feel the producers had no idea how to implement him as he seemed like more of an afterthought. Legends of Tomorrow was my surprise favorite CW show last season, but this season gradually introduced a new character named Mona Wu that was a minor background annoyance at first, but grew into the major character to circle the season around and the character did not get any more affable and was still grating to endure and it also got to the point where I said no more! Like with Riverdale, I dropped both Flash and Legends of Tomorrow within a few episodes past their midseason break. Sorry CW, it is me, not you. Grade: Dropped MARVEL NETFLIX SERIES Punisher - People who know me, and if you have been following this blog long enough you know I am a huge Punisher fan, so obviously I am biased, but I still got to say I loved both seasons, and I will give the nudge slightly to season one. I loved the first setting the first few episodes of the second season takes place in to mix things up a bit from the other Marvel Netflix shows. The new love/hate sidekick, Amy took me awhile to warm up to, but I warmed up to her about halfway through and watching their relationship develop with Frank was a lot of fun and to see how some of their foreshadowing paid off later on in the season was pretty special. Curt's and Midani's interplay with Frank is still on the mark and they did not miss a beat in season two. The interplay with the therapist and Billy Russo could have been dialed back a little bit as I felt she was in one scene too many nearly every episode.

As with the first season, loved the action, loved the dialogue for nearly the entire cast and I thought they expertly handled the Punisher as a man of few words, but obviously they had to give him some dialogue to span an entire season, and Netflix got a ton out of his body language and cadence of the dialogue he does deliver throughout the season. I agree with many that John Berenthal is far and away the best actor to portray the Punisher, and I will forever remember all the little things he did to make him pop out and stand out among the rest as the way to play the Punisher. His final line of dialogue to close out the series is perfect! While I was saddened to see this get the inevitable cancellation announcement from Netflix along with the rest of its Marvel shows, I hope this one day gets picked up by Hulu or Disney+. Grade: A Iron Fist – I had no intentions of watching the second season of Iron Fist, but then I heard it got canned and after being a little optimistic for how he was portrayed in the episode of season two of Luke Cage he guest appeared in I decided to give it a shot. It is better than season one, but it still has a far way to go from being must-see. Finn Jones is far more entertaining this season as Danny Rand and is nowhere near as insufferable this season, although he does he have his moments on occasion. His Kun-Lun background is explored much more this season with some intriguing flashbacks. There is a new split personality character introduced this season who I became a big fan of by the end of the season. Ward and Joy are both more tolerable this season and by the end I was kind of won over by Ward with his whole NA/recovery arc. Davos returns as the main villain and with his background with Danny he winds up a more viable villain than Bakuto and the Hand. Also, no Hand this season!!!

The season loses points with me this season because Joy's arc was initially promising, but kind of falls apart by the end. Same with Colleen who was another character I was not big on, but won over this season...until the last couple of episodes anyway. Finally, Luke Cage’s Misty Knight is on several episodes of this season and I was never a fan of her before and she is equally unpleasing to endure here. If you got the time to kill and want to keep up with everything in the Marvel Netflix universe than I would say it is kind of barely worth it and is enough of a step up from the disastrous first season to check out. Grade: D+ (But a good D+ if there ever was a thing considering how big of an improvement this is from the first season) Daredevil - What a big step up from the disappointing previous season! Glad to see Kingpin as the forefront again as the antagonist this season and to see him go from prison to taking control of the reins of ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ again was a delight! Also a delight was the evolution of newcomer Dex to the show into a certain favorite Marvel character of mine. The way Daredevil handled Dex could not have been done any better. Coming out of the Defenders team up season, I loved the opening episodes focusing on Matt going into isolation as he recovered and gradually worked his way back into the fray. As with Punisher, all the action and fights here are masterfully choreographed and I was glued to the screen once a fight kicked off. I cannot think of a single person that is mis-casted since everyone delivers sublime performances. Karen and Foggy are awesome supporting characters and I loved their angles this season with more background into Foggy’s family struggles while trying to save the Nelson & Murdoch firm and Karen taking insane risks in her journalistic endeavors.

My highest praise is I think this is probably the sole Marvel Netflix season that could have went an extra episode or two because it felt like they kind of had to rush through a few scenes that felt a little condensed in the final episode. Another similarity Daredevil shared with Punisher is that it also unfortunately was cancelled by Netflix and I am super-bummed to see it go after this redemption season. Here is hoping it too gets picked up on another streaming service or maybe even by some stroke of luck both Daredevil and Punisher get incorporated into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. FINISH!!! That wraps up this past year’s worth of TV coverage. I tip my hat to you if you somehow managed to stick with me all this way through! I do not know if I will do my annual bonus summer TV viewing follow-up or not. I know Netflix still has to unload the last season of Jessica Jones, but I thought it would have dropped within the last few months so who knows when it will hit. I know season three of GLOW will hit Netflix this summer and that will jump instant viewing right away because of how much I enjoyed the last two seasons. I keep telling myself I need to do a one week trial of HBO Now to binge watch the final season of Game of Thrones and get caught up on Ballers so I might go down that well later this summer too. I am also tempted to do a trial of ESPN+ to watch that highly rated Love & Basketball docu-series and get caught on the last several 30 for 30s I am behind on. Got other suggestions for what I should watch this summer? Feel free to tweet them away to me @Gruel Past TV/Web Series Blogs 2013-14 TV Season Recap 2014-15 TV Season Recap 2015-16 TV Season Recap 2016-17 TV Season Recap 2017-18 TV Season Recap Adventures of Briscoe County Jr: The Complete Series Baseball: A Ken Burns series Angry Videogame Nerd Home Video Collections Mortal Kombat: Legacy - Season 1 | Season 2 OJ: Made in America: 30 for 30 RedvsBlue - Seasons 1-13 Roseanne – Seasons 1-9 Seinfeld Final Season Star Trek: Next Generation – Seasons 1-7 Superheroes: A Never-Ending Battle Superheroes: Pioneers of Television The Vietnam War: A Ken Burns series X-Men – The Animated Series: Volumes 4-5

#conners #roseanne #south park #tv/web series #orville #pen15 #Arrested Development #castlevania #Gotham #arrow #Flash #legends of tomorrow #riverdale #Iron Fist #punisher #Daredevil

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sarahburness · 7 years

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19 Things to Start Doing for Yourself in the New Year

“And suddenly you know… it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings.” ~Unknown

Did you know that 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions fail?

That’s pretty crazy. Maybe you’re part of that statistic. Feeling eager, excited, and ready for change only to fall back into old patterns after a few weeks.

This was me, year after year—striving for change but not managing to pull it through, but not last year.

In simple terms: making sure I was happy while working toward a compelling future. So, whenever I put down a goal, I also made sure to define how I wanted it to feel.

To help stir your imagination for the New Year—so that you’re not pushed by pressure, but instead pulled by pleasure—I’ve listed nineteen things you could start doing.

1. Start focusing on what you already have.

2. Start using your imagination for creating.

3. Start living in the now.

Use your senses to become present: feeling, hearing, seeing, tasting, and touching. Say yes to what you’re doing, no matter how insignificant it might seem.

4. Start ignoring what others are doing.

Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes to someone’s greatest moment. Instead, choose to honor your life by creating, investing in, and caring for it. Simply, keep your eyes on your lane.

5. Start being really honest with yourself.

The only way to change something is to first acknowledge what is. To look at the situation exactly as it is but not worse than it is. To look your fears, limitations, and blockages right in the eye.

6. Start putting better labels on things.

7. Start telling empowering stories.

Look at one area of your life you’d like to change. What is the story you tell yourself about this area? How can you tell a better, more empowering story?

8. Start focusing on something greater than you.

Participating in something greater than yourself and being clear on why you’re doing it adds purpose. And if you don’t know what that something greater is yet, make it your mission to find out.

9. Start acting like you care about yourself.

10. Start trusting that others are doing the best they can.

11. Start asking better questions.

12. Start caring about things that actually matter.

If you care too much about things such as judgment and criticism, you’ll mostly keep yourself stuck and paralyzed—unless you find things to care more about.

For example, do you care more about what others might think or living life true to yourself? Do you care more about negative comments or being a force for good in this world? Don’t numb your care; instead, care more about things that actually matter to you.

13. Start trusting yourself wholeheartedly.

14. Start celebrating your obstacles.

15. Start gaining perspective on your problems.

16. Start embracing your vulnerability.

17. Start spending time with the right people.

18. Start taking 100 percent responsibility for your life.

The first time I heard this, I wasn’t comfortable. Yet, the minute I accepted it, I was empowered. To accept and take full responsibility for all areas of your life (even where you feel behind, mistreated, or wronged) isn’t easy. But, it’s the only way to change them.

By taking responsibility, you bring your power back home to where it belongs: to you. So no matter how difficult it might seem, claim full responsibility for your life. You, not someone else, will get you where you want to go.

19. Start creating the life you want now.

Take Baby Steps Toward the Life You Desire

Let this be the year you set yourself up for success!

About Maria Stenvinkel

Maria Stenvinkel is on a mission to help people get a career they truly love. Download her free worksheet Get a Clue to Your Calling With These 10 Powerful Questions.

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from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/19-things-to-start-doing-for-yourself-in-the-new-year/

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