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starcurtain · 6 days

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A Look at Ratio and Aventurine... and Ratio/Aventurine

I was morally obligated to use this picture.

Anyway, I got an ask about my understanding of Ratio and Aventurine's relationship both in canon and as a ship that I have been holding on to for a while now because... phew, there's like... a lot to talk about there... But I felt I should at least give it a try, so here is my attempt to comment on the intersection of two of Star Rail's most complicated personalities. Long post is longgggg; you have been warned.

First, Aventurine's canon relationship to Ratio:

In the interest of not hitting tumblr's image limit, let's just throw out some of the information we have in one go:

It's pretty complimentary. (Yet somehow...)

The implication of the infamous "Keeping Up with Star Rail" video is that Ratio understands Aventurine better than anyone else, and Aventurine knows this. At the very least, putting all shipping aside, Ratio is the person who can explain Aventurine's behaviors best. He's the person Aventurine chooses do so. This suggests significantly more knowledge of each other's lives than the game first led us to believe.

Other people (read as: my GOAT Owlbert) perceive respect from Aventurine to Ratio, and although I read them as a bit sarcastic, the 2.1 mission logs not only repeatedly confirm that Aventurine views Ratio as smart and reliable, but that Ratio is reliable "as always," again indicating a longer and closer history of collaboration than we get to actively see in game. The devs were working hard to tell us "Penacony isn't Ratiorine's first rodeo," which is interesting--given Topaz's voiceline recommending the Trailblazer avoid working with Aventurine whenever possible, we're led to believe through 2.0 and 2.1 that not many people will willingly work with Aventurine more than once, let alone many times.

While going through psychological scrutiny from the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come his Harmony-infused self, the "Future" Aventurine suggests that Ratio and Aventurine are quite similar, and that Aventurine puts a surprising amount of trust in Ratio, to be willing to hinge such a dangerous plan on something as untested as Ratio's ability to act. At the very least, Aventurine's own psyche is pondering on Ratio and whether or not their connection has any emotional meaning.

But despite all this evidence suggesting Ratio and Aventurine spend significantly more time with each other than we get to see in game, Aventurine's own thoughts cast strong doubt on whether he and Ratio are actually close.

Aventurine's "About Dr. Ratio" voice line suggests that Aventurine believes Ratio does not particularly like him. He seems to think that Ratio would prefer to stay away from IPC operations where possible, and it's "unfortunate" for Ratio to be stuck with Aventurine as a conversation partner. He's tolerated, rather than enjoyed. His overall impression seems to be that Ratio mostly views them as distant coworkers.

When the "Future" Aventurine suggests Ratio did not betray Aventurine willingly, actual Aventurine immediately pushes back:

(Personally I'm on the fence about whether this was real doubt or just a ploy to continue sussing out Sunday; see my other post about this scene for some more thoughts.)

But if we take this statement to be played straight, it implies that Aventurine doesn't fully believe Ratio will side with him, even (maybe especially) in dire circumstances. If this statement is real doubt, then despite considering Ratio the person who best understands him, despite building an entire life or death gamble around Ratio's loyalty... Aventurine still doesn't think Ratio even likes him.

Aventurine's not stupid or blind, so theoretically he should be able to read the situation better than that. But actually, there's plenty of evidence both in the game and outside it to suggest that Aventurine is not the most accurate judge of his own relationships to others and is a down-right terrible judge of his own worth as a person.

"Future" Aventurine suggests that one of Aventurine's deep inner flaws--the truths that he rejects about himself--is a massive inferiority complex. This is backed up well by the mission text, where Aventurine's thoughts about himself spiral into self-harm, and the scene in the maze, where "Future" Aventurine taunts our Aventurine with the unforgettable fact that his entire life was only worth pennies:

There's also pretty consistent self-deprecation, with both "Future" and real Aventurine noting several times that he's a pathetic mess of a person that other people don't trust or like.

The overall impression 2.0-2.1 left me with is that Aventurine is perfectly capable of respecting and caring for others, but virtually incapable of accepting other people genuinely respecting and caring for him.

Part of this seems to stem from the directly-stated sense that he's a failure whose only worth is in transactional exchanges, using and being used by others (there's so many layers to this--internalized racism even), but I also suspect that much of his inability to accept genuine connection from others is defensive behavior.

Aventurine's true self, Kakavasha, is deeply hidden away, like the ghost of the child that manifests from his Harmony delusion in the Dreamscape. Although Aventurine clings to that person, claiming that he has "never changed," he actively coats over his beliefs, his kindness, and his authenticity with the mask of a "cavalier gambler," with glitz and glamor and showy distractions. No one gets to see Kakavasha. No one gets to know him, because being buried deep in the dirt is the only way to remain untouchable, and fiercely keeping one's distance is the only safe bet. (For both Kakavasha and any fools who would doom themselves by daring to care for him.)

So: Canon is telling us that Ratio is one of, if not the, closest people in the world to Aventurine. But canon is also telling us that that still means absolutely nothing at all, because Aventurine won't let himself be close to anyone living.

Aventurine's senses of self-worth, trust, attachment, and safety have been warped so badly by ongoing and untreated trauma and mental health issues that, at least until the end of 2.1, I just don't think he was capable of even accepting genuine friendship from Ratio, let alone anything more.

(Interesting side note here: Ratio is actually one of the people Aventurine calls "my friend" the least. He only says it directly to Ratio a single time in all of their lines of dialogue across 2.0 and 2.1, and even then, does so only when right outside Sunday's door, while almost certainly being spied upon by the Family. Anyone who knows how often "my friend" is peppered into Aventurine's dialogue otherwise should know that the absence of the phrase is actually pretty telling. It almost feels like canon Aventurine's not even sure he can call Ratio his friend, at least to Ratio's face.)

Which makes Ratio's canon relationship to Aventurine quite sad and ironic:

From start to finish, Ratio canonically esteems Aventurine more highly than almost any other character in the game. I'm not even talking about shipping when I say that there is no character Ratio is closer to in the entire game.

At present, Ratio has only four voice lines about other characters, and of those four, Aventurine's is the only one that isn't someone from the Genius Society. The only one. Ratio's voice lines are also notably, uh, not very complimentary. Herta is "talented but not helpful to others" and "sees no one as her equal" (read as: she's self-absorbed). Screwllum is a "monarch, rather than a genius" (with the vague implications of being a tyrant), and Ruan Mei is overly ambitious and "fooling everyone."

Meanwhile, Aventurine is "our man" (who is "our" Ratio? who?) whose success "can't all be chalked up to luck," implying that part of Aventurine's success must come from skill. Ratio notes that Aventurine questions his own ability... but as far as Ratio's evaluation goes, he seems to doubt that Aventurine will ever experience a downfall. For someone who thinks 99% of the people he meets are mediocre failures scrambling around in the filth of existence, to be recognized as skilled and unlikely to fail is quite obviously glowing praise.

Then, of course, there are numerous moments that echo Aventurine's hints, implying that Ratio spends significantly more time with Aventurine than we see on-screen, that he knows Aventurine extremely well, and, although he tries (vainly) to pretend he isn't, he's clearly quite concerned with what Aventurine thinks of him.

Especially this last one. "No wonder that gambler likes you so much" is pretty intentional on the devs' part, confirming that Ratio and Aventurine are having off-screen conversations we players are not privy to, which obviously would indicate a closer relationship than the in-game cutscenes could cover.

Then, Trailblazer has the option to flat out ask Ratio to "rate" Aventurine. (Star Rail ship bait is not even subtle.)

At first, this line might read as all over the place:

"The bosses say we're partners but I wouldn't say that" -> Read as: Ratio wants people to know how their relationship is classified but doesn't want to admit to being actually invested.

"I see myself as the teacher to everyone I meet" -> Read as: Ratio at least pretends that he doesn't view anyone as his equal; everyone is either above him--geniuses--or below him--students.

"Aventurine is not that bad of a student" -> High praise; even Ratio can't pretend Aventurine's untalented.

"Actually, Aventurine's probably in metaphysical danger" -> Read as: Ratio is aware of the "void" Aventurine is experiencing and his mental struggles.

The ultimate takeaway of Ratio's "rating" actually says more about Ratio than Aventurine. When it comes down to it, Ratio's choice to answer this question for the Trailblazer instead of dismiss it tells us that Ratio has spent time quantifying and trying to define his relationship with Aventurine, is willing to at least discuss that relationship with other people (when we have no evidence he ever discusses any other personal/non-academic matters with anyone), and that Ratio pays attention to Aventurine's mental states.

Canon Ratio is not beating the allegations, I'm afraid.

But actually, I think the biggest tell about Ratio's canon relationship to Aventurine is that Ratio's behavior completely changes the moment Aventurine appears in the game.

In every single one of Ratio's other appearances, two facts are hammered home again and again:

First, Ratio hates interacting with fools and "noisy" people. He wears his plaster bust so that he doesn't even have to see them. Canonically, we're informed by both March 7th and Argenti that Ratio brought and was wearing his headpiece in Penacony. Curiously though...

The players never see it throughout 2.X--probably because 90% of Ratio's scenes are with Aventurine, and Ratio is never shown wearing his bust on screen with Aventurine--even in their very first meeting in the Final Victor lightcone. Aventurine clearly knows of the bust, but despite Ratio verbally going on and on about how Aventurine is the most "flashy" and "devoid of logic" person Ratio knows... the devs deliberately send their message: Ratio has chosen not to cut himself off from Aventurine.

Aventurine can be more "clamorous" than a screaming peacock, but Ratio will still not put up walls against him. This isn't accidental. The devs had every opportunity in the world to go the opposite route and make jokes about Ratio refusing to take the bust off in Aventurine's obnoxious presence; instead they decided that Ratio apparently has a glaring, Aventurine-shaped exception to his "I don't want to perceive you fools or be perceived by you" life rule.

This "willing to tolerate shenanigans only if Aventurine is involved" behavior continues basically throughout all of Penacony's plot. In 2.3 for example, if you turn around and talk to Ratio again on the Radiant Feldspar, he flat out says:

But there's no actual explanation for why he's there in the first place. He mentions he was assigned to watch over "the IPC's ambassadors," which theoretically should apply to Jade and Topaz, yet we never see him interacting with them in any capacity. He's never even shown in the same room as Jade or Topaz, and he's not shown doing any other form of business for the IPC on the Feldspar either. Theoretically, he could have been on the Feldspar to meet regarding the Divergent Universe... except Screwllum wasn't there yet, and Ratio doesn't mention a single word about the Divergent Universe to the Trailblazer.

The only person Ratio talks about in his dialogue on the Feldspar is Aventurine, and the only non-Trailblazer he talks to in 2.3 at all is also Aventurine, replying to him and only him in the group chat.

He looked like he might give it a shot to try to befriend Boothill and Argenti at the end of 2.3... but immediately changes his mind and leaves without saying a word to them.

It's not really a stretch to suggest that the only reasonable excuse for Ratio to attend the party on the Feldspar was if he was there for Aventurine, a behavior that he himself notes is out of character. ("A waste of time" he says, as he stands there anyway.)

But, second and even more importantly: Ratio's single most defining character trait is that he believes people need to pick themselves up. The entire point of his debut appearance in the game was to present his philosophy that if the powerful or privileged intervene to continually "save" the mediocre, ordinary people will never learn for themselves or get the chance to grow. It is in times of desperation, he says, that fools exceed their limits and reach greatness.

This is why, in 1.6, he insisted on Asta and the Trailblazer being the ones to solve the attacks happening on the space station, without relying on Screwllum or the other geniuses. Although Ratio did actively intervene a little (using the phase flame to save the researchers from death), he did so only from behind the scenes, where his actual help would not be noticed by those affected and where it had no impact on their decision-making or their struggles to solve the mystery.

He let Asta and the Trailblazer panic. He let them flounder. He even deliberately misled them at points, claiming that Duke Inferno must have kidnapped the researchers (when it was actually Ratio himself who re-routed them).

Ultimately, Ratio let Asta and the Trailblazer grow from their experiences.

This is also why he lets the Trailblazer go blazing in to fight Ruan Mei's faux emanator of the propagation, despite knowing that Trailblazer was not actually strong enough to win. Ratio watched and was ready to intervene... but in the end he did not, because it was the Trailblazer's fight to lose.

Ratio's most defining character trait is that he believes standing back and observing is the true kindness, rather than inserting oneself and denying people their autonomy or opportunities to grow.

Buttttt... then there's Aventurine, and suddenly the story is completely different.

Suddenly, Ratio isn't an observer but becomes essential to the plan. He's even walking around making big claims about being the manager of the task, flexing all of his C+ acting ability to actively carry out their mutual ploy.

In 2.3, he claims he was just there to watch, and his Penacony sticker asserts he's only "a supporting character"--yet we have never seen Ratio take a more active role in the entire game. Unlike with the Trailblazer in 1.6, he's not primarily watching events unfold from shadowy corners. He's in Penacony as Aventurine's active partner in crime.

And, even more telling--he later jeopardizes their entire mission just to ask if Aventurine needs help.

What? Huh? The character who is famous for the voice line "You look distressed. Is something troubling you? If so, you can figure it out for yourself" is suddenly offering his assistance entirely unprompted?

The guy whose motto might as well be:

Is suddenly out here throwing his own core philosophy out the window to solve Penacony's mystery for Aventurine and save him from himself in Aventurine's hour of greatest need?

A lot of people get hung up on the second half of Ratio's letter, the part about staying alive, which of course is very sweet. But I think the second half causes people to forget that the first part of Ratio's letter is, quite literally, the answer to Penacony's mystery.

Ratio gave Aventurine the answer.

This is like if your professor just gave you and you alone the score key to the final exam and then turned around to insist he "doesn't play favorites."

Of course, Aventurine is brilliant and didn't need Ratio's answer about dormancy, which makes the fact that Ratio went out of the way to give it to him even more odd. Ratio despises unnecessary repetition. If he wasn't dead worried, he would never have given Aventurine an answer that Aventurine had the power to find on his own.

And, as far as canon tells us, Ratio has never done this for anyone else.

The difference is night and day. It's literally the Gordon Ramsay meme, with everyone else in the entire game being the "fucking donkeys" to Aventurine's "Oh dear. Gorgeous."

So: Even if we entirely put aside shipping, if we look strictly at what we're given in canon:

Ratio treats Aventurine with more respect than he treats most other characters in the game.

He involves himself in Aventurine's struggles in a way that he flat out refuses to do for anyone else.

He compromises his own beliefs purely out of concern for Aventurine.

So, at least as far as we've been shown in canon, it is accurate to state that Aventurine is the closest character to Ratio--and unlike Aventurine (king of self-gaslighting), Ratio isn't even good at acting like he doesn't care.

Frankly, the whole thing is a little sad. Ratio's behavior is so blatantly out of character that a smart person like Aventurine should easily be able to determine it is genuine, but Aventurine's personal hang-ups and ongoing trauma make it difficult for him to even see that authenticity, let alone put faith in it. Even in canon, Ratio is mostly unable to help himself when it comes to Aventurine, which is especially unfortunate given how badly skewed Aventurine's perception of himself and others is by the start of Penacony's story.

PHEW! I finally made it through canon content!

Now there's just... everything else... 🫠

Well, to be honest, I don't think I could ever manage to put all my thoughts about this ship into one post. Probably not even fifty posts.

So rather than trying to say everything there is to say about Ratiorine, what I want to focus on is how fantastically these two characters just fit together. Like puzzle pieces that need to be mirror opposites in order to link, these two characters parallel each other while also perfectly filling in each other's voids. It's some of the best character pair writing I've seen in a long time (though I'm still sort of convinced it was at least 50% sheer luck on Hoyo's part), and my perspective on their ship can really be tied to my underlying perception of Ratio and Aventurine's characters as remarkably similar individuals:

It's obvious that Aventurine is not a healthy or well-adjusted adult man, but like... neither is Ratio.

Both of these characters are "not quite right" marginalized people who, at least in my interpretation, have essentially given up on even faking normality and are now just vaguely play acting their way through being functioning members of a universe that is entirely unequipped to accept them for who they are. In a world full of cyborg cowboys and people with wings growing from their heads, the game still manages to somehow convince us that Aventurine and Ratio are odd ones out.

Kakavasha can't even exist in the dystopian capitalist hellscape of the IPC's machinations. "Aventurine" isn't even a real person, just a never-ending performance, a slick, devil-may-care persona without a single ounce of substance.

Ratio, meanwhile, is a world of one, rejected from the only place he thought he could find validation and acceptance but unable to lower himself to fit in anywhere else.

Aventurine is so bad at making genuine connections that he turns everyday conversations into gambles because he doesn't believe people will care enough to keep talking to him without tangible incentive.

Ratio's insistence on treating everyone as students, not as equals, also means he has an excuse to never emotionally engage with anyone he meets. (This is not at all a textbook method of intentional avoidance to prevent any chance of social rejection. Not at all.)

At the end of the day, Aventurine and Ratio both come across as desperately lonely, and so caught up in their own situations that they really don't have the ability to climb out of that hole on their own.

Preventing them from even being able to maintain any form of relationship is also the fact that neither one of them can even find justification. Neither one of them has a reasonable answer to the question "Why am I alive?" anymore, because Aventurine's reason died on Sigonia and Ratio's reason died with an IPC invitation instead of a Genius Society letter. Though their differing perspectives have led them on opposite paths pursuing their own answers to that ultimate question of "Why should I keep living?" (Aventurine was headed toward giving up before the end of Penacony, while Ratio has invented an immeasurable, impossible goal to distract himself from feeling purposeless), both of them are pretty much miserably unfulfilled in their current lives.

They're also both violently allergic to emotional vulnerability and to having any of their flaws or true desires actually be perceived. Both of them put up insanely high walls. Aventurine pushes boundaries with everyone he meets to provoke their hatred in advance, before they can come to disdain him for his "real" flaws. He acts out harmful racist stereotypes to use others' preconceptions for advantage, manipulating every situation he's in--incidentally affirming the stereotypes against his people by doing so.

Ratio puts a physical wall of plaster between himself and others, but the plaster bust actually doesn't have anything on the mental and emotional gymnastics he's engaged in to justify his isolation from the world, doing everything in his power to convince himself that he's isolated by choice, that it's perfectly logical for Veritas Ratio to have nowhere to truly belong, no one to truly belong with. He's so mundane after all. Of course the geniuses don't want him, that's just commonsense. But everyone else is so... different, so foolish, so illogical... It just wouldn't be reasonable of him to try to become one of them either, to be their friend instead of their distant educator. (You know, if you never try to integrate with others, then they can't reject you. Ratio has learned his lesson.)

Somehow, Aventurine and Ratio are two of the most competent and successful people in Star Rail's entire universe and simultaneously also two of the most misfit, reject, dysfunctional messes in the game. Like... Blade has a better support network than Aventurine and Ratio combined. The 7000-pound murderous mech with a disabled, genetically-modified war veteran who never got to live a normal human life hiding inside it is more capable of making friends than Aventurine and Dr. Ratio.

Which is why I love that the devs decided to make their canon backstory: "Some absolute treasures in the IPC and the Intelligentsia Guild had the galaxy-brained idea of pairing Ratio and Aventurine as strategic partners." The game's writing really said: "These two characters are so socially stunted, they have to be assigned a relationship like it's homework."

They may not have it all figured out yet, but the fans see the design: Now that Ratio and Aventurine have each other, they're not alone anymore. I have never seen two characters better fit the "Is anyone going to match my freak?" meme only for the actual answer to be "Yes."

Ratio is "plays chess with himself" levels of loner weird? No problem--Aventurine is "Wanna take bets on who's going to die today?" weirder. Ratio wears a plaster bust to ward off idiots? Aventurine transforms into a monster on command, which is pretty much guaranteed to achieve the same effect.

Ratio wasn't chosen by Nous? That's fine, Aventurine's one job as a "chosen one" was to save his people and now they're all dead. Nobody can keep up with Ratio in conversation? Watch a single comment from Aventurine turn him into a fumbling mess on live television.

Ratio's inability to relate to the experiences and development of any peers his own age have left him extremely isolated and with a permanently scarred sense of self-worth? Wow, I wonder if Aventurine knows exactly what that feels like.

They just... fit.

And, changing focus a little here at the end: While I personally think that recovery from trauma requires internal motivation and self-kindness foremost, I also think that Ratio and Aventurine's relationship should be considered from the perspective of how they help to fill each other's gaps.

Unlike any connection at the Genius Society who will always evoke unpleasant memories of Nous's rejection, Aventurine isn't going to make Ratio feel intellectually inferior. Aventurine has nothing but good things to say about Ratio's intelligence, and it's even apparent that Ratio felt comfortable enough to at least mention his Genius Society woes to Aventurine, something he explicitly does not do with anyone else.

Even when it comes to social interactions, Aventurine isn't going to make Ratio feel inadequate, because honestly? Aventurine's almost as bad at them as Ratio. Aventurine is much better at faking it socially, but when it actually counts? When he's trying to be real with others? A solid 70% of the people who meet Aventurine still end up wanting to strangle him. The guy tried to apologize for threatening to detonate the Trailblazer like a bomb by buying them a model train...

Then there's this:

Aventurine is the only character explicitly called Ratio's equal in game, and more than just treating him respectfully as an equal, Aventurine also exhibits one extreme appeal that no one else in game has ever shown to Ratio: Aventurine makes Ratio feel needed. For Aventurine, Ratio is not a forgettable after-thought as he is to Herta and most of the other geniuses. He's not just "some weird guy who scolds me about school" like he is to the Trailblazer. Ratio's intellect and skill were integral to Aventurine's plan from step one to the very end. Ratio has a place in Aventurine's plots. For a character who directly assesses worth by how beneficial a person can be to others, the fact that Aventurine can make Ratio feel wanted and valued probably produced some of the strongest personal fulfillment Ratio has had in years.

On the opposite side, Ratio's in a unique position. Out of every relevant character in Aventurine's story, Ratio is the only one who has nothing to lose by choosing Kakavasha over "Aventurine." Ratio doesn't profit off Aventurine or take any expensive gifts from him, like the Trailblazer does. He doesn't need Aventurine's luck for anything at all. He'd be able to work for the IPC even if Aventurine wasn't in it. Ratio certainly doesn't want the glitz and glamour of a shallow gambling hustler persona. His work doesn't require Aventurine's continued involvement like Topaz's and Jade's does. He'd probably prefer not to know any Stonehearts at all, thank you for asking.

Outside of deliberate-acting insults about Sigonians for Sunday's sake, we're not told that Ratio has any connections to--and therefore has no preconceived biases against--Sigonians. Being a person who values self-determination and a refusal to live in mediocrity above all else, he would have nothing but esteem for how far Aventurine has managed to come despite the harsh circumstances of his life. Ratio probably wouldn't even think Aventurine's belief in Gaiathra is that strange; one of Ratio's doctorates is actually in theology.

Unlike literally everyone else in the universe who needs "Aventurine," we have every indication that Ratio's respect and admiration will only grow when he finally gets to meet "Kakavasha."

Loneliness, rejection, betrayal, a lack of understanding from others--all of these can leave wounds that only genuine, deep bonds with others can heal.

On death's doorway, in the darkest shadow, when Aventurine had to make the choice between passing on to be with the family that loved him and choosing to return to a reality without them... Ratio's letter was there, telling Aventurine the exact thing he needed to hear to choose life: Someone is waiting for you to come home.

If the resounding rejection of Star Rail's Nihility is belief in humanity's power to make meaning in our own lives through our connections to others, then the ultimate message of Ratio and Aventurine's arc in Penacony is that no one needs to be alone. The world is not as empty as you fear.

And that is a message that Ratio and Aventurine can learn best through each other.

(I just... love them so much...)

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bellestarot · 27 days

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Pick a Pile

What's Next In Your Love Life? 🩷

♡ Take your time to choose

︵‿︵‿︵ʚĭɞ‿︵‿︵‿

Pile I

This is a journey where you'll become more emotionally independent. It's about loving yourself first and getting to know who you are before being with someone else.

You're a very empathetic person, extremely kind to others, and I can see that your circle of friends is always there for you in both good and bad times. These people will have an even stronger presence in your life during the next chapters of your romantic journey as well.

You might meet someone who initially seems like the right match for you because they understand you and connect with you emotionally. Another person might appear too, someone younger and grounded, but still building their life and figuring out what they truly want. I see that both of these people will be interested in you and will try to reach out. However, I honestly see you thinking that you can find someone you truly connect with, as most of the people who approach you don’t really capture your interest. It’s easier for you to treat them as friends rather than romantic interests.

I see you becoming more financially independent, advancing academically, and taking better care of yourself—not just emotionally, but also focusing on your physical health. You’ll be buying clothes, treating yourself well, and caring for yourself in the way you want to be treated.

This is about how strong you are. I believe you’ll face some obstacles, situations where you’ll feel deep pain that seems impossible to resolve. But the universe is speaking to you, showing you signs and guiding you on the path you should take. Some challenges make us stronger and wiser, and I see great potential in you to become stronger and wiser amidst difficulties and the unknown. You will be led into unfamiliar territory on a new journey, a chapter of your life that you don’t yet know how it will unfold.

This is a reading about self-love, not love with others, because you can only love someone else when you truly love yourself.

Pile II

You're definitely going to be getting out of the house more, going places, meeting new people, and opening your heart to them. You'll discover what happens when you truly embrace who you are, when you're in your essence. Are you allowing yourself to be happy in the moment and enjoying what you're experiencing? Because in the past, some of you were hurt by someone who came into your life.

Maybe it was someone you thought was your ideal type—physically attractive, someone you really believed would be the love of your life, your soulmate, or something like that. But in the end, this person betrayed you, lied to you, said hurtful things. Perhaps this was someone who was closed off from the beginning, and you thought you could win their heart. But in the end, you discovered they were exactly who they seemed to be all along. This experience might have left you nearly depressed, unable to see your own worth, and lacking the motivation to go out and meet other people.

And yes, you might have had help from a friend, a relative, or a female figure who came to you and told you that you are worth it, that you have all the potential and capacity to find someone who will recognize you and not deceive you in the end.

What you heard from these people might have been hard to accept at first, but it’s true. You have the capacity. I see you meeting someone new, perhaps around your age, someone very intelligent and creative. This person will be interested in you, but I see you being a bit tough with them because of what happened to you.

I see you taking your time to reply to their messages when they invite you out, playing a bit hard to get. But every time you meet with this person, it's positive; it’s an important moment.

It's fun!

You’ll find yourself in a stable relationship with this person. I see you two becoming best friends first, and then evolving into something more, into love.

This person will show you a very romantic side, perhaps a part of them that you didn’t expect. At first, they might have presented themselves in a certain way, but as your relationship deepens, things will evolve and become more natural. That’s what you’ll need to pay attention to. You need to let things flow naturally, stop trying to control or idealize too many people, too many conversations, behaviors—just let things happen as they will.

And while this person from your past may still be on your mind, still in your thoughts, the universe wants you to let that go. Move on—it's in the past. You deserve to be with someone who is good for you, not someone who hurt you and crushed your self-esteem.

Pile III

Well, I'm not sure if you're aware, but right now, you’re manifesting a very important soul connection, the kind where you might feel what the other person is feeling, have strange experiences like shared dreams, and connect with this person on incredibly deep levels without knowing why.

I believe you’re a very spiritual person, someone who knows their worth. You seem to be more introverted, perhaps spending a lot of time at home, but recently, you might have considered going out more.

You might meet this person when you’re out, perhaps in a place you don’t usually go to, with people you aren’t particularly close with. You’ll meet this person unexpectedly, and it will feel like a clash of souls between you two.

You’re trying to leave behind what has hurt or bothered you, trying to move forward every day, but you’re also quick to judge the people who come into your life. Sometimes, even if someone just says hi, you might immediately think they’re not your type or that you have nothing in common, not giving them a chance to get to know you.

You could meet this person while traveling, perhaps to a place you’ve always wanted to visit. Suddenly, you meet them, and it takes you by surprise.

I see you feeling unsure whether this person is truly attracted to you, whether they feel the same connection you do. You might have a lot of doubts about this.

It’s possible that you two will be in a long-distance situation, even if you’re in the same city. Maybe you didn’t exchange numbers; you saw each other a few times in different places and then went your separate ways. I see you seeking answers through the Divine or through things that are beyond what we can see, because you’ll sense that this connection is something different.

You and this person are very different—not just physically, but in personality and maturity. You are more mature than they are. This person still feels like a teenager in some ways, even though they’re an adult. Their actions and behaviors are still very youthful, and not in a positive sense. However, I don’t see this as an obstacle to you being together.

This person will miss you a lot, and you’ll miss them too, especially due to the distance between you. You won’t quite understand why you’re apart, but it will feel like there’s something bigger at play.

This person still has a lot of growing up to do, which might be why you’re not together yet—they need to go through certain experiences to mature because the universe is taking care of this connection. Whatever it is, the universe will do everything possible to bring you and this person together.

Besides this person, you might also receive romantic interest from others, such as someone in your workplace who finds you charming. They may try to win you over with gifts, attempting to capture your heart in various ways.

#Spotify #tarot #tarot reading #pick a pile #pick a card #pick a photo #love tarot free #love tarot reading #free tarot #soulmates tarot

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natsaffection · 2 months

Text

Lines crossed. Pt. 2 | N.R

Avenger!Natasha x AntiHero!Reader

Warnings: 18+! Fluffy Smut (fingering and oral), talk about past, scars

Word Count: 2,8k

A/N: Okay, since the first part exploded and many people wanted a sequel, the second part is now here!

Part 1

The first light of dawn filtered through the rain-streaked windows, casting a soft glow over Natasha’s apartment. The storm had passed, leaving a quiet stillness in its wake. Natasha stirred from where she had been sitting, her eyes red and heavy with exhaustion. She had stayed by your side all night, watching over you, making sure your condition didn’t worsen.

You lay on the couch, covered by a warm blanket. Your breathing was steadier now, though your face still bore the marks of pain and fatigue. Natasha stood up quietly, stretching her stiff muscles before heading to the kitchen to make some coffee.

The aroma of fresh coffee filled the room, and the sound of the percolator seemed to rouse you from your restless sleep. Your eyes fluttered open, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings before your gaze settled on Natasha. She approached with a mug in her hand, her expression a mix of relief and concern.

“Morning,” Natasha said softly, handing you the mug. “How are you feeling?” You winced as you shifted to sit up, accepting the mug with a grateful nod. “I’ve been better,” you replied, your voice raspy. “Thanks for… everything.”

Natasha sat down on the edge of the coffee table, her eyes searching yours. “You gave me quite a scare last night. Do you remember what happened?”

You took a sip of the coffee, the warmth soothing your throat. “Yeah… I was outnumbered. I thought I could handle it, but…” You glanced down at the bandages on your side, your expression darkening. “Guess I miscalculated.”

Natasha’s eyes softened. “You’re lucky to be alive. Those wounds were serious.” You sighed, your shoulders slumping. “I know. I just… didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

Natasha reached out, placing a hand on your arm. “You did the right thing coming here. I’m glad you did.” You looked up at her, a hint of vulnerability in your eyes. “I’m not used to asking for help. It’s not… easy for me.”Natasha nodded, understanding. “I know. But you don’t have to do this alone. We can help you. I can help you.”

You hesitated, the weight of your past actions pressing heavily on you. “But what about S.H.I.E.L.D.? The Avengers? They won’t just forget everything I’ve done.”

Natasha’s expression hardened with determination. “We’ll figure it out. But first, you need to heal. Then we can talk about what comes next.” You nodded slowly, the reality of your situation sinking in. “I don’t know if I can ever make things right, Natasha.”

Natasha squeezed your arm gently. “It’s not going to be easy, but you’re not beyond redemption. We all have our demons. The important thing is that you’re willing to try.”You met her gaze, the flicker of hope in your eyes growing a little stronger. “Thank you,” you whispered. “For not giving up on me.”

Natasha smiled, her eyes warm. “You know,” she began, her voice soft, “I also wasn’t always this person. I used to be someone very different. My past… it wasn’t pretty.” You looked at her, curiosity piqued. “What do you mean?”

“I was trained to be an assassin,” Natasha said, her eyes distant as she recalled her past. “I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. But then, I was given a second chance. Someone believed I could be more than what I was trained to be. They saw something in me worth saving.” You listened intently, feeling a connection forming. “And you changed?”

Natasha nodded. “It wasn’t easy. It took time, and I had to face a lot of my demons. But I did it. And if I could do it, so can you.” Her words resonated deeply within you, giving you a glimmer of hope. “I want to believe that,” you said quietly. “I really do.”

Natasha’s gaze softened, and she leaned in a little closer. “You’re already taking the first steps by being here. That’s more than enough for now.”

Without thinking, driven by a sudden surge of emotion, you leaned in and pressed your lips to Natasha’s. The kiss was gentle but filled with desperation and gratitude. For a moment, Natasha froze, and panic set in. You pulled back, your eyes wide with fear that you had ruined everything. “Shit, I’m sorry,” you stammered, your heart pounding. “I shouldn’t have—”

But before you could finish, Natasha cupped your face in her hands and kissed you back, her lips soft and warm against yours. The kiss deepened, filled with unspoken promises and a shared understanding of pain and redemption.

When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless. Natasha’s eyes held a mix of emotions, but there was no anger, only acceptance. You stared into her eyes, feeling a connection that you had never felt before. The room seemed to close in, and the outside world faded away. All that mattered was the two of you in that moment.

Driven by a mix of gratitude and the need to repay her for her kindness, you leaned in again, kissing her more deeply this time. Your hands found their way to her shoulders, pulling her closer. Natasha responded, but with a controlled intensity that made your heart race.

“I kinda want to repay you..” You said and Natasha pulled back slightly, her eyes dark with emotion. “You don’t owe me anything,” she said firmly, though her voice was gentle. “But if this is what you want… then let me take care of you.”

Natasha’s hands moved to the hem of your shirt, but she paused, glancing at your bandaged side. “Are you sure you’re up for this?” she asked, concern evident in her voice. “I am,” you replied, your voice steady. “Just… be careful.”

Natasha’s eyes softened, and she carefully lifted your shirt over your head, her touch both gentle and firm. She ran her hands down your sides, avoiding the bandaged wound, her fingers sending shivers through your body.

You reached out to touch her, but Natasha gently pushed your hands away, a smirk playing on her lips. “Let me,” she whispered, her voice low and commanding.

You felt a thrill of excitement and a hint of frustration. “What if I want to take care of you?” you challenged, your voice breathy. Natasha’s eyes flashed with amusement and something darker. “We’ll see about that,” she replied, her tone teasing but firm.

She leaned in, kissing you again, her hands exploring your body with a careful yet possessive touch. Her lips trailed down your neck, making you gasp softly. You felt her fingers brush against the scars on your chest, and you tensed slightly.

“You’re beautiful,” Natasha murmured against your skin, her words sending a warm flush through you. “Every part of you.”

You relaxed under her touch, feeling safe and cherished. Natasha’s hands moved with expert precision, caressing and teasing until you were trembling with need. She was rough enough to assert her dominance but always mindful of your injuries, never pushing you too far.

“G-God..” you moaned softly, your hands gripping the couch cushions as she continued to drive you wild with her touch. “Shh,” she whispered, her lips brushing against your ear. “Let me take care of you.”

You surrendered completely, allowing Natasha to guide you. Her movements were a perfect blend of roughness and tenderness, making you feel desired and protected at the same time. She kissed her way down your body again, exploring everywhere, her touch igniting a fire within you.

You couldn’t deny how good her touch felt. Natasha continued to explore your body, her hands and mouth leaving a trail of sensations that made your head spin. She was rough enough to keep you on edge but always careful, never letting you forget that she was in control.

When she finally moved lower, her hands parting your legs, you gasped, your body arching towards her. “Natasha,” you breathed, your hands reaching for her.

She held your gaze, her eyes dark with desire. Your breath hitching as she moved closer. Natasha’s touch was both commanding and gentle, her fingers exploring you with a skill that left you trembling. She brought you to the edge, holding you there, her eyes never leaving yours.

“Please,” you begged, your voice barely a whisper. “I need you.” Natasha’s lips curved into a smile. “Patience,” she murmured, her touch driving you wild. When she finally took you over the edge, it was with a fierce intensity that left you breathless and trembling.

You cried out, your body arching towards her, your hands gripping the couch cushions as waves of pleasure washed over you.

Natasha held you through it, her touch gentle now, soothing you as you came down from the high. She pulled you into her arms, holding you close, her lips brushing against your forehead.

She kissed you again, her lips soft and inviting. You could feel the fire reignite within you as her hands roamed your body with renewed fervor. She leaned back slightly, her eyes meeting yours with a dark intensity. “Ready for more?” she whispered, her voice husky. You nodded, your breath hitching. “Yes… please.”

Natasha smiled, a predatory gleam in her eyes as she resumed her exploration. She kissed her way down your neck, her hands caressing your sensitive skin. Her touch was both commanding and tender, igniting every nerve ending as she moved lower.

You gasped as Natasha’s fingers found their way between your thighs, her touch electric. She moved with a deliberate pace, building you up again with expert precision. The tension within you coiled tighter and tighter, the need for release almost unbearable.

Natasha leaned in, her breath hot against your ear. “Come for me, Y/n, come on..“ she commanded softly, her voice sending shivers down your spine. With a cry of pleasure, you came undone beneath her touch, your body arching towards her as waves of ecstasy crashed over you again. Natasha held you close, her hands steadying you as you trembled in her arms.

When you finally came down from the high, Natasha kissed you softly, her eyes filled with warmth and satisfaction. “You did so well,” she murmured, her voice soothing.

You lay there in the aftermath, your breath slowly returning to normal. Natasha’s arms around you felt like the safest place in the world. She glanced down at you, her eyes filled with a mix of curiosity and concern.

“Y/n,” Natasha began softly, her fingers tracing the scars on your body. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s a long story,” you murmured, your voice tinged with sadness. “I wasn’t always like this. I had a family once. A sister. She was everything to me." Natasha listened intently, her hand gently stroking your hair. "What happened?"

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. "She got involved with some bad people. Tried to help her, but it was too late. They... they killed her. The police did nothing. They said it was an accident, but I knew better. I saw the bruises, the fear in her eyes. I knew she was in trouble, and no one was willing to help."

Natasha's eyes softened with understanding. "So you took matters into your own hands." You nodded, tears welling up in your eyes. "I couldn't let those monsters walk free. I couldn't let anyone else suffer like she did. So I started hunting them, taking down the ones who hurt innocent people. It became my mission, my way of coping with the loss."

Natasha pulled you closer, her embrace comforting. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. No one should have to go through that." You sniffled, wiping away a tear. "I know what I did was wrong, but I felt like I had no other choice. I had to do something."

Natasha nodded, her voice gentle. "I understand now. Your intentions were good, but the methods were extreme. But we need to find a better way." You looked up at her, a glimmer of hope in your eyes. "Do you really think it's possible?"

Natasha smiled softly. "I do. But it's going to take time and effort. And you're not alone in this. I'll be with you every step of the way."

The next few days passed quietly. Natasha helped you regain your strength, providing a safe space for you to heal. She was always there, offering support and understanding. You found yourself opening up more, sharing stories and fears you had kept buried for so long.

One evening, as the two of you were sitting on the couch, Natasha turned to you, her expression serious. "Y/n, there's something I need to tell you."

You looked at her, sensing the gravity in her tone. "What is it?" Natasha took a deep breath. "Don’t be mad, but I called Fury. He's on his way here."

Your heart raced, a surge of panic rising within you. "What?! Why? I thought-“ Natasha raised her hands, trying to calm you. "No, listen. He's coming alone, and he wants to listen to you. I explained your situation, and he agreed to hear you out."

A short while later, there was a knock at the door. Natasha stood up, giving you a reassuring nod before opening it. Fury entered, his expression unreadable but his presence commanding.

"Romanoff," Fury greeted, his gaze shifting to you. "Y/n." You swallowed hard, trying to steady your nerves. "Director."

Fury sat down across from you, his eye fixed on you with an intensity that made you shiver. "Natasha tells me you want to make things right. I’m all ears.“

You took a deep breath, recounting your story, your motivations, and the reasons behind your actions. Fury listened intently, his expression unreadable.

When you finished, there was a heavy silence. Fury leaned back in his chair, his gaze never leaving yours. "You've taken the law into your own hands. That's a dangerous path.“

You nodded, "I know what I did was wrong. But to all respect..Do you know what it’s like to watch innocent people suffer because the system is too slow or too corrupt to act? To see those people walking free because they can afford good lawyers? I did what I did because someone had to.”

Fury sighed, his expression softening slightly. "You're a fighter, Y/n. I can respect that. But you need to learn to fight the right way." You looked up, surprised by his words. "What do you mean?"

Fury glanced at Natasha before continuing. "You want justice? Fine. We'll give you a chance to prove yourself. You'll work for us, under supervision. Help us take down the real threats, the ones that slip through the cracks. But you step out of line, and it's over. Understand?"

The weight of his words settled on you. This was it, a chance to prove yourself, but also a heavy responsibility. You glanced at Natasha, who gave you an encouraging nod. "I understand," you said firmly. "Thank you..“

"Good," Fury said, his voice firm but not unkind. "Welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D. Don't make me regret this."

---

As you walked through the halls of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, you felt the eyes of agents on you, their expressions a mix of curiosity, suspicion, and, in some cases, outright hostility. You tried to ignore the whispers and the glares, focusing on the promise you had made to Fury and to yourself.

Natasha guided you to a conference room where the Avengers were gathered. The room fell silent as you entered, every eye on you, again.“

"Everyone, this is Y/n," Natasha began, her voice steady. "She'll be working with us from now on." Tony was the first to speak, his tone skeptical. "So, we're just supposed to trust her now?"

"I know it's a lot to ask," Natasha replied, her gaze steady. "But she's here to make things right. And Fury's given her a chance. We need to give her one, too."

Steve stepped forward, his expression serious. "It's not going to be easy. You'll have to earn our trust. But if Natasha believes in you, that's a good start."

You nodded, feeling the weight of their scrutiny. "I know I have a lot to prove. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

You took a deep breath, feeling a mix of relief and anxiety. "I won't let you down." Natasha guided you to a room in the living quarters. It was small but comfortable, a far cry from the places you had been staying in recently.

"This is your room," Natasha said, her voice softening. "It's not much, but it's a start." You looked around, feeling a strange mix of emotions. "No, it's perfect.."

Natasha placed a hand on your shoulder. "Remember, you're not alone. We're in this together." You nodded, feeling a sense of hope for the first time in a long while. "I know. And I won't forget it."

As you settled into your new room, the reality of your situation began to sink in. The road to redemption would be long and difficult, but with Natasha's support and the chance to prove yourself, you felt ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead. And as you lay down to rest, you knew that this was just the beginning of a new chapter in your life. A chapter filled with hope, determination, and the promise of a better future.

@mrsrushman @lOnelyish @imnotslouching @a-colletion-of-cells

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader #natasha smut #natasha romanoff #dom!natasha x reader #natasha romanov x reader #nat x reader #natasha romanov smut #natasha romonova #the avengers #natasha

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rebo-chan · 5 months

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Something I was thinking about lately is Tsuna's daddy issues. Specifically this frame.

Like that's such a loaded thing to think about. He's got so much resentment built up. Obviously, there's no direct connection to any of Tsuna's issues made but I think a few fun things can be said from this. In general, Tsuna clearly didn't have a father figure in his life which sorta results in him leaning on Reborn pretty often. Tsuna doesn't have a very stable self-esteem with him going from confident to "Aah, Gokuderas going to become disillusioned with me now that all my flaws have been pointed out." GOKUDERA. His FIRST SUBORDINATE. The guy who literally has been LOYAL FROM DAY ONE. Not that we consider them canon, but this happens also during the filler arcs where Daemon points out that Tsuna's not worth following to Gokudera and it seems to make Tsuna a little antsy. He DOES NOT THINK THE PEOPLE HE LOVES ARE GOING TO STAY WITH HIM, THIS IS LITERALLY RUINING MY LIFE. What Daddy Issues DO TO A MF. But that's a post for another day. But okay, back to Reborn, Reborn proves himself to be immovable from Tsuna's life. The story points out that Tsuna very much has two fathers. The one who won't leave and the one who is always gone. Tsuna really leans on Reborn throughout the series. "Reborn, what do I do?" Is a common thing he says, until Reborn is literally swept away from him against his will in Future arc where he's forced to think that he's half a person in Reborns absence. Meanwhile, we have Iemitsu who Tsuna has resentment built up towards, does not respect, and is forced to acknowledge in order to win his fight. Throughout the rainbow arc battle, they try to point out that Iemitsu is trying to teach Tsuna something here and unless I'm confused (someone feel free to tell me?) it's not really clear WHAT that is. And I've always thought that was neat, because it's obviously coming from Tsuna's inability to respect Iemitsu enough to want to learn anything from him. Yet when Reborn comes in, hell he doesn't even recognize him in his Adult form, but he politely listens and takes his advice seriously. In the grand scheme of the series, Reborn is a good teacher and father figure in his life. When Tsuna is made to feel like that he can't do anything in Reborn's absence during Future, Reborn takes a step back in that arc and lets him learn to survive without his guidance. (Notice how the training almost entirely disappears after Future.) He lets him learn how to be a person without him, only stepping in to help when Tsuna really needs it. When he's unable to light his flame, with Spanner, or when he's freaking out about the Irie reveal, the list really goes on. There's a scene I recall I believe when Yuni asks to join their group, Tsuna still turns to ask Reborn what to do, and Reborn redirects him by asking him what he wants to do. That it was his call as a boss. And Tsuna ends up making the decision to help her off his own accord.

It's with Reborn's guidance that Tsuna ends up learning to be his own person, it's this guidance that allows him to make the decision and gather everyone on his own accord when it was Reborn's turn to be shaky and give up. Where Tsuna tells him that he's got this under control, without his guidance. To just watch him. "you've always knew I could win before." It's this arc where Reborn's pride in Tsuna shines. Multiple times. "Surprise me again, Tsuna." And he does. It's in Reborn's second absence where Tsuna feels himself get shaky again, feels the old feelings of poor self image crop up, that Reborn comes back. Because Reborn is not Iemitsu, and he wasn't someone who left him in that house alone forever. Because he's still young and has much to learn before he's ready to do this on his own. It's at this he feels a little embarrassed about how glad he is that Reborn came back, but then recalls the "mean words" that Reborn said before leaving. It's here that Reborn tells him it's a good thing he hasn't changed much. Another sliver of guidance that Tsuna takes in from the figure in his life that won't leave him alone in that house.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #sawada tsunayoshi #r27 #platonic?#familial?#idk but #i was having feelings about those two #when i remembered that panel #thank you for reading my messy lil ramblings #<3

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meanbossart · 1 month

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What do you mean with 'an incident he just kind of stumbled onto' referring to Du drow's loss of virginity? I don't recall you talking about his first time with sex so sorry if you've already addressed the topic

Hm I'm honestly not sure if I have! I'm just doing to assume not.

A bit of context: DU drow operated as a vagrant between the ages of 12 through 18. He resided and sustained himself mostly in the woods between cities and occasionally stopped by towns to take odd-gigs and supplies he might be in need of. While he did know how to speak and act around people to at LEAST not be considered a complete lunatic, he definitely came off as a major odd-ball and probably became a bit of a character wherever he went.

Most people were not interested in becoming acquaintances with him, let alone friends or lovers. It's also worth remembering that he looked vastly different back then - he was a 6'5" lanky young man with a gaunt face, sinewy body and almost hip-length hair that he didn't comb and barely washed, not to mention assumed to be a drow of some sort by most and hence, stigmatized and avoided wherever he went. This was the one exception:

He met an elven woman in the outskirts of town who offered him shelter for a night, a bath and cooked food. She was a widower and a lonely person in her own right who was probably charmed by his eccentricity and the mystery surrounding him. She wasn't a seductress or with any kind of evil intent - rather, somebody who felt a connection to this man who she assumed to be an ostracized drow just trying to get by, and believed that a little kindness could go a long way. And to emphasize: someone who was very lonely and likely had baggage of her own.

DU drow was socially inept but he still developed as any "normal" man would, he had a vague idea of what sex was even without having ever partaken in it, and he found her attractive. So, when she shyly came onto him during that night he simply went along with it, and they had an encounter that though awkward, was otherwise normal by all intents and purposes.

Afterwards, the elf attempted to get him to open up to her in conversation and in the process, found out that DU drow was only seventeen years old. She became upset and asked him to leave, which DU drow would have done without inflicting any further harm had Sceleritas not stopped him on the way out.

DU drow has always experienced an emotional overlap of sorts between sex, love and violence, and would have had visions and urges around this woman the same as he goes on to have with Astarion, simply choosing to not act upon them because he saw no reason to. Sceleritas told him that those experiences were a sign, and that taking this person's life was now a part of his supposed "trials". Since DU drow had let himself be entirely brainwashed in this pursuit for greatness at that point, he fulfilled the butler's bidding with no questions. Going back into the home, killing the elf in her bedroom, and leaving the town that same night.

#ask #du drow lore #doodle

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daisys-reality · 4 months

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── ☔ꜞ˖ ꒰ 𝙿𝙰𝙲: 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚏𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚢 ꒱

Hello my fellow shifters, here is your ☔ reading which you've voted for!

Do you want to know why all of this is exactly happening? Do you want guidance and answers because you want to know where you’re standing in your shifting journey and how to move forward? What are you heading towards exactly? I’ll try to find answers to such questions for you in this reading. Choose a picture and enjoy your reading!

Also check out my masterlist if you want! Fyi I don't own any of these beautiful pics, they're all from pinterest. 🤍

──

𝙿𝙸𝙻𝙴 𝙾𝙽𝙴

Why were you meant to find shifting? What is your (higher) reason for finding shifting? (for personal shifting reasons, please check out my other pac reading)

To develop your creative force, to be more daring and to follow your passion and ideas, to make you follow your dreams, to trigger growth, to give you a spark for new beginnings, to recover the joy of life/the magic of life

To give you strength in trying times (mental/health struggles, feeling rejected by this world, feeling lonely and not understood, …), to help you endure those almost impossible trials in your (cr) life, to help you stay resilient, to strengthen your resolve and faith

To evoke a nostalgia for sweeter times, to find your innocence again, to connect with specific people/souls, some people want to connect with you, to strengthen your connection with spirituality/the world of spirits, to go on adventures and partly to re-experience childhood especially if you felt like you missed out a lot in your younger years, to experience love/soul connection in other realities

This message only applies to people with specific spiritual beliefs: if you feel like you have a specific purpose in this life, it might actually be a major purpose for which you need to be strong, that’s why you experienced so many hard lesson in your life until now, shifting is there to make your experience in this reality a little bit easier/enjoyable, to give you strength to keep going because there is something great waiting for you, for some it feels like an exceptionally strong soul connection (!!), for some of you it feels a bit like a so called “twinflame” connection that is finally tuning into the same frequencies in this human life/reality - if you believe in this type of connections

Major theme in your journey: Learning something specific?

To learn to connect with yourself and your emotions on a deeper level, expressing yourself wholly and authentically with youthful purity, to learn to love yourself and other as well as learning to enjoy your experience here and in other places/realities, to make use of your sensitivity and to develop your own spiritual beliefs, to just have fun and to let things happen to you, no one and no thing(reality) is bigger, better or more important than you - there is no hierarchy, there is no specific worth you need to have - you are able and “allowed” to experience anything you desire whether it is true love, freedom, adventure, joy, comfort or just silly romance. No one is deciding above your head on what you may or may not do in this universe. It's important that you understand this. (Connecting, loving and expressing/communicating seem to be very significant here in general)

The difference between you right now and the you in the ‘future’ that finally succeeds (shifting)

Disclaimer: ‘Future’ is a loose word and time is not really real anyways. So, everything that is not the ‘present’ or the ‘past’, represents the future. ‘future you’ can be you in a second, you after reading this or you in a week etc.

‘Future you’ embodies the queen of swords energy. ‘Future you’ is strong and knows it. You will know that you're protected, you will be fearless and fierce, unbiased and independent. You will stay calm and open minded while still being firm (not accepting less than your ‘goal’, firm boundaries + direct communication), not giving in because ‘future you’ knows that it’s only fair that you succeed - you’re meant to succeed, you’re meant to shift. You’ll see your situation with open eyes, mind and heart, remaining positive and not losing hope. Your insights will make your beliefs stronger, therefore your faith will become also strong and unwavering. You. Will. Shift. Periodtt.

Advice for you right now:

Keep looking and acknowledging the signs around you, focus on recovery (your health, your energy etc.), forgive and fully release your past. be in the present moment and be free.

Timing: “Create space (in your mind, life etc.) for it to happen sooner”, “Release any attachment to timing”, “Time is still unknown” (the energy is mutable)

Thanks for reading!🤍☔

𝙿𝙸𝙻𝙴 𝚃𝚆𝙾

Why were you meant to find shifting? What is your (higher) reason for finding shifting? (for personal shifting reasons, please check out my other pac reading)

To learn/practice long term commitment, to become more determined in life, to learn how to complete a “project”, to be decisive

To awaken the power of self, to build balance, to find your inner beauty and learning to appreciate it, to build your self-esteem, to give you the ability to see a future for yourself

To understand the spiritual nature of life, to develop your intuitive abilities, and your grace in dealing with others

To increase your knowledge and wisdom, to learn to listen to your subconsciousness, to get encouraged to form your own conclusions, to recognize your vast yet subtle powers, to become a mystery in the eyes of others

Major theme in your journey: Learning something specific?

Learning more about spirituality and other spiritual beliefs and practices, finding your joy in those things, learning about & developing your new spiritual gifts or abilities, getting closer to spirit world

Learning how to make use of your emotions/feelings and your compassion, learning how to be more receptive to creative opportunities and loving connections, and to be more deeply compassionate for other living beings

Creating the start of a new life and a new version of yourself

Learning and practicing self reflection, making important decisions for yourself and about yourself (ex. who do you want to be, etc.)

The difference between you right now and the you in the ‘future’ that finally succeeds (shifting)

‘Future you’ knows that your life will drastically change and there is no going back, the change is necessary. ‘Future you’ went through a metamorphosis and is embodying the ‘king of swords' energy combined with the energy of volcano deity Pele. Your power will be enhanced by your wisdom. ‘Future you’ is wild and free, capable of anything, patient and persevering. ‘Future you’ knows exactly what to do to succeed. ‘Future you's’ approach to shifting will be very structured and disciplined, while your mind force (will power + confidence) will be wild and uncontrollable like an explosion or the eruption of a volcano. ‘Future you’ cannot be held back, shifting is inevitable at that point.

Advice for you right now:

Reconsider your current mindset one more time, spend time reflecting and ask for help from others, perhaps communicate your current ideas/plans with someone close to you to gain another perspective, communicate clearly (specifically with yourself), focusing on romance might have a positive influence!

Timing: “When you’re truly ready for it”, “Don’t lose hope”, “Create space (in your mind) for it to happen sooner” >prepare the metamorphosis<, “Gain more knowledge/wisdom”, “Meditating brings answers”

Thanks for reading!🤍☔

𝙿𝙸𝙻𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴

Why were you meant to find shifting? What is your (higher) reason for finding shifting? (for personal shifting reasons, please check out my other pac reading)

To have the opportunity to fulfill all your many dreams and aspirations. You might have so many that you wouldn’t be able pursue them in “just one normal life”

To stop procrastination and to choose and go after the things you desire in life

To learn to differentiate between “illusion and reality” especially in regards to what you really want to experience and what you think you want to experience… some opportunities can often lead to a major disaster (if you’re someone who romanticizes dangerous realities… shifting there might not be the best idea, buddy)

to leave seemingly good things behind in the pursuit of higher ideals, to go deeper into introspection and starting to seek the truth and to come to realizations about yourself and about life/universe etc.

Major theme in your journey: Learning something specific?

(This is very specific and only relates to those who have special s/o:) Going through a rocky connection with someone who is probably from another reality and going through all these feelings/moods/longing in this “long distance connection”... I feel like this is about one specific person and you developed feelings for them..? Even though you’re pretty much opposites, you complement each other well and I think you feel this too… Learning how to love healthily is a theme in your journey…even ideal relationships still face difficulties, right?

Learning how to create a stable lifestyle/mindset and to actively be thankful towards yourself but also for the things you have gained and experienced and to cherish them and the people who support you

Your shifting journey is the built up to your happily-ever-after (your reunion with someone specific and the start of many happy moments)

The difference between you right now and the you in the ‘future’ that finally succeeds (shifting)

‘Future you’ is grounded, down-to-earth and very practical and organized. They are always on the move, improving, perhaps even teaching others, sharing their experiences and realizations. They are starting to be very secure in their beliefs and they are eager to travel the universe. Also, they feel abundant in energy, they are very self reflected and therefore overall balanced and stable in their home/cr life. ‘Future you’ acts very motherly towards themself - pushing themself when it needs to be and taking care of themself when they need a rest. ‘Future you’ does not lose their temper when things go ‘awry’, they always keep moving steadily towards their plans/goals

‘Future you’ overcomes the procrastination and follows their passion with much force. They are not scared of what is to come because they are so secure within that they feel comfortable enough to be daring in the pursuit of their goals.

Advice for you right now:

You might have to change your focus right now or rethink your current plans - there is another path that leads to more big happy changes. Always remain positive, don’t stop or procrastinate - take action!

Timing: “Refocus and stop waiting for it”, “Trust that it will happen when the time is right”, “Summer time” (- perhaps in 2 months from now? August could be lowkey an important/happy month for you and your journey…)

Thanks for reading!🤍☔

──

#pac reading #t.tarot #shiftblr #shifting #desired reality #manifesting #t.shifting #pick a card #pick a pile #pick a card reading #tarot reading #࣪ pick a card𓈒 𐙚

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kiame-sama · 8 months

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Drag Me to Hell- (Yandere!Alastor x Chubby!Reader) 3.5

Warnings; Mention of suicide, Alastor has questions, talk of sexuality, fem pronouned reader, more rules of the deal,

(thought about making it NSFW, but didn't know if anyone would feel so inclined to read it or not)

~~~~~~~~

You were in the room you and Alastor shared in the Hazbin Hotel. He was seated by his dinner- a rotting deer carcass- and enjoying his feast before the battle sure to come from heaven and the exorcists in what seemed like only hours from then. Your joint visit back to cannibal Town and to Rosie with Charlie was a fruitful one and you did always like seeing Rosie.

"So, my Darling, you seemed amused by Rosie's comment earlier to me and even agreed with her on it. This means you understand it and would certainly not mind explaining it to me, right?"

Alastor loved to phrase his orders like questions as if you ever had the choice to not answer him truthfully. Due to your deal you couldn't lie to Alastor without him knowing, so the few times you chose to bend the truth had to be well worded and done with great mental effort. This wasn't worth that mental effort.

"Miss Rosie called you an 'Ace in the hole' meaning she believes you are asexual."

"I have a sex, Doe. I am male."

"Not your physical sex, it means you don't experience sexual attraction. You're not driven by carnal desire like others are. You don't feel that libido driven need based on appearance or outward characteristics. Pretty sure it means you don't have much of a libido at all."

"Well, I am not greatly interested in the pleasures of the flesh, that is true. But asexual appears to be in reference to one being without sex, I believe my experimentation earlier with you is a testament against that notion."

You felt the vague desire to chuckle, knowing Alastor was rather forward when it came to you so long as the two of you were behind closed doors.

"Just because you have had sex doesn't mean you aren't asexual, Alastor. Plenty of people who are ace have sex and are still ace, they just don't experience the drive to keep having sex or the libido others experience regardless of if they choose to do it again or not."

"Hm. So what is your sexuality then, my Dear?"

You paused for a moment, looking over at him from where you sat on your shared bed. It was true that Alastor had approached you regarding sex before, but every time he was driven by curiosity and not by genuine sexual desire. He was a curious sort and thus he sought to answer the questions he had however he felt comfortable doing. Part of you was sure he was aromantic as well and he only had whatever it was with you because of his desire to act how he thought he should act.

"I... Don't know, actually. You know that I died by... by my own hand. I never really got around to figuring that out."

"What would your interactions with me make you?"

"Straight. Or, wait, actually I think it makes me Demi."

"Demi?"

"Demisexual. Not really based on the male female binary but more like someone who is ace but begins feeling that sexual attraction after connecting with that other person on a mental and emotional level first. Not a primary sexual attraction based on appearance or observable characteristics, but one based off of emotional and mental connection."

"And I will be your only, understood?"

"I know, Alastor. We still have our deal and I don't intend to try to break it any time soon. Besides, what's a good radio host supposed to do without his microphone?"

#kiame-sama #yandere #x reader #yandere x reader #reader insert #tw yandere #yandere alastor #yandere hazbin hotel #drag me to hell fic

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a-knight-in-shining-rainbows · 1 year

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had an interaction a few days ago that i’m still thinking about. I was talking to two students about the Day of Silence protest coming up that friday, and both of them seemed interested but needed more information. Both of these students were disabled with relatively high support needs for communication, processing, and learning. At least one was intellectually disabled.

I explained the basic premise of Day of Silence, and one of the students asked me to repeat myself, explain again. I did this several times, and she was engaged with me, even if she wasn’t processing yet she clearly wanted to know more and was interested in what i was saying. Her para-educator then came over and said it wasn’t worth trying to explain anything to her because she wouldn’t understand.

The para-educator’s intentions were good, she wanted to save me time and believed i may not have known this student was disabled. But to say that, in front of the student, as though she couldn’t hear the comment, is rude at best and downright hostile at worst. Furthermore, to be in a position in which you are the one in charge of helping this person navigate the world, and to believe they only deserve information that you think they can digest, is such an awful way to view someone you are supposed to help. This student was asking me questions, she was listening, and honestly - who cares if in the end she didn’t understand? just because we don’t end up understanding something doesn’t mean we can’t engage with it.

Intellectually disabled individuals and disabled individuals in general are not infants, they’re not incapable of learning or connecting with others. Yes, they may need extra help, and yes, some topics may be too complex for them to tackle, but let the individual decide that for themselves.

TLDR: The person who was supposed to be helping an intellectually disabled student navigate the world decided for that student what they could understand. In doing so, she projected her beliefs about the students abilities and overshadowed the student’s ability to define her own boundaries. Intellectually disabled people deserve the autonomy to decide for themselves what they want to engage with at a given time, not told they are too dumb to understand.

#god that lady pissed me off #intellectually disabled #disability #disability rights #intellectual disability #intellectual disability rights #ableism #tw ableism #ask to tag #meep morp #meep rants

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a-d-nox · 5 months

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pac/pap: how can you grow/blossom?

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: how can you rejuvenate yourself this spring?

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

don't fall for short-cuts. the process is why things work. taking time is a positive, not a hindrance that you may believe it to be. keep putting in effort daily - it will lead to long lasting results. be present and get enthusiastic about your projects - abundance breeds abundance. keep setting goals and take realistic steps to avoid burnout/disappointment. be patient - you are on your way.

your intuition is your friend - connect to your inner self/desires. try to keep a clear mind - you'll find the answers you seek are already inside of you. trust yourself.

there is ambition and then there is greed. stop pushing yourself or others to the extreme. very little is worth what you believe it is. you are on a path to burn out in that regard. take a moment and reflect on whether you are exhausting yourself or actually being productive.

pile two

take a minute - it's okay to standstill. you aren't behind or unable to move forward. you are "on pause" for a reason. there is something in front of you that still needs to be sorted out so take time and do so. in other words, focus on the present instead of pushing forward to the future.

you are very capable - realize that you are and accept that you are. just make that sure you keep your intentions and passions clear. your thoughts are likely to manifest quite quickly. you are powerful enough to create your own world.

right now something is out of balance in your life. having an equal give and take can be hard but it is necessary if you want to grow. start saying no to certain things, situations, and people to create more space in your life for what fulfills you.

pile 3

you work best alone - you are an independent person. stop trying to make yourself align with others when you are your own entity. seek your inner truth. align with it. spending time alone is not a negative - it is actually quite good for you and helps you to recharge and reconnect with your desires. do some soul-searching when you are alone, so you can connect with your inner truth/wisdom.

share your ideas with confidence. they are great you just have to believe in them and more importantly yourself. focus on your projects and passions because they are worthwhile. don't doubt your abilities/skills. you have what it takes to make a prosperous future for yourself.

you are in need of some self-care. so what if things don't go as planned? that's fine - all in the universe's plan. when things don't go according to your plan, realize/understand that the universe is guiding you where you are meant to be. be kind to yourself in the meantime. things will get better - trust the universe.

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liaswills · 6 months

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Pick a card: A message from your past life self! 🪦🗡

Hello darlings! Today I bring you another pick a card- I felt the need to bring out some messages. The energy today is very much revolving around death- and it's relatively natural relation to life. So today I will bring you a pick a card- with a message of what your past self would tell you! Naturally this is a general message so take whatever resonates. All the love, Elias!

Pick a pile from 1, 2, 3 or 4!

Hello, my dear self. Some day you have wondered who you are- who you should become. But I want you to know that no matter whom you try to be- or whom you'll grow to believe says the right thing- it'll always be me whom you will come back to. I'm not scary. I'm you. I like to brace the horizon- with a smile and breathe in the morning air. I'm a morning person. I used to hunt birds- for food. And... truthfully- my life was never that long. I didn't get to experience my childhood as something I cherished. This is why you're not very good with people. I'm sorry that in this life- you too- struggle with being around crowds. You do- try to. Which is more than I ever did. I was more one with animals- nature- it's why... I never really got to be together with someone. Because I spent my life alone- you might feel like everyone hates you. Or suffer from anxiety everytime you try to make a friend- with your friends- or even the people you try to date or love. I'm sorry that this part of me- lingers- but no matter how it has manifested, it is what I desired most. Sometimes lives are so crowded that you just need one where you're by yourself. I did that already. You don't need to follow my example- because I want for you to flourish and be a butterfly. To do what I haven't. To be brave. To be bold. To dare. Dream. I know you think you're alone sometimes- but you're not! The spirits of all the animals I've taken care of- protect you still! It's amazing how loyal animals are. Yes- even your last pet. I know we have a special connection to animals- I know that we sometimes feel like they understand us- feel our energy- they do- but they won't create a depth in our emotional maturity and balance much like dramatic human relationships do. If you know me- you'd wish to have a life in social circles too. It wasn't fun. And I want to brace you to feel safe. To try and feel joy. To feel happiness. Try and do it when you can. Because that- will help me- and all of us before us. I'll be here to hug you. Because I'm your greatest supporter.

Forgiveness, is what it takes. Forgive me. Forgive yourself. I'm not like you- nothing like you at all. I was vain. And cruel. And unkind. I didn't see what you see. I didn't- I couldn't. I couldn't see how people were able to be the exact same as the other- i couldn't see how every life was worth living. I killed for things. I cheated in life. I climbed the social ladders and I hurt my hands doing so. I really fell. I fell in the end and it was my ending. I didn't have a long life- because when I was found out- everything I worked for, was done for. I wanted to become better. I needed to be a better self. You don't. You don't need to do this. If you continue down this road- if you continue to try and improve- it won't make you happy. It won't make me happy either. I think it's time for us to forgive ourselves. Because sooner than later- we are all that we have. I've known this too late. Very late. You need to start appreciating the things you do have. The money you do have. The family you live with. The country you're in. The name you have been given. Consider it all. You're almost there- you're almost free of this crude self torture. Just one more step- release this attachment. Release your ideas of how things should be. Please allow yourself to just be. To just trust in me. To trust in you. In us. Trust that we can do it. That we can do whatever we set our minds to. You've inherited my determination- don't spoil it with waivering in uneasyness. Don't spoil my end- for your life to be worse than mine. Don't befriend toxic people. Don't walk towards the red flags. I need you to see. See whom you're talking to. See whom you share your mind with. See what you think of without your phone for an hour. I need you to feel yourself- to love yourself- to feel our own world is more than what you think it is and could be. Forgive me- I was never from your world- but I was the you- you needed to become whom you are now. Forgive me. I'm sorry.

We aren't the same gender. I had to start with that. I've led a completely different existence based on my social norms and whom I was raised to become. If you're a fem energy- then I used to embody masculine. And vice versa. You might feel lingering touches of me- in the way that you can embody both energies. I want to say- I'm congratulating you- because I never dared or could. I lived very rigid. In a rigid place where I was expectant to preform a role in life. To be a provider- or a caretaker. I simply obeyed that life. I simply followed the norms. I don't want you to follow any norms other than your own. I fought bravely- I died gloriously- in battle- with a strong heart or perhaps not so strong considering it caved. I loved- I loved big. You inherited this. I loved my friends. My family. I even...loved another whom I couldn't be with. That longing for someone- I owe to you to release. I didn't really got the closure I needed. I didn't really tell this person- that my heart was theirs. And theirs alone. Yes- I've had children. I've done my duty- as was expected of me, but i didn't love my partner the way I loved this star crossed romantic ideal. It was an ideal. I never got to know them personally. It didn't matter. I liked to imagine what they would be like- and somehow that image of them was enough for me. I see you- I feel you, and your life is already so much more vibrant than mine. Thankyou! I truly- honestly, can say thank you. For being authentic- for truly honouring your own feelings. It doesn't matter what you become- or whom you'll chase- in the end, you've already done what you came here to do. For me- anyway. I think you're amazing. And you inspire me- and others, so much. So so so so so much. That truthfully- you should show yourself. To everyone. Haha. It isn't scary- remember your brothers- sisters- whom fought alongside you in the trenches- whom fought with you day and night to remain sovereign- to remain equal- to gain prowess and our voice back. Hang on Soldier- you have a long road to go. It'll be glorious- I can tell you that. From my point of view- your paving the way to a dream. I'll talk to you- in my mind- my world- my time- I talk to myself often actually, haha- but you will sometimes get more from talking to me too. Just... call me a friend you once were. And I'll be a friend to you too. It'll help greatly- I am indebted to you as much. Don't worry if you're not going to do it- I'm just here to give you the inspiration you need to get out there and flourish your shiny little way around the globe.

My funny Valentine.... sweet comic valentine....you make me smile, with my heart. Listen to "My funny valentine" by Chat Baker or Frank Sinatra, because I am giving you this song as I look upon you darling. I know sometimes we don't truly like ourselves. But you don't need to become someone else to love whom you truly are. Because you already do- trust me- the whole of you- all of us- all of your lives- we love you as you are and will continue to do so fiercely. Honestly- we were wild. I was wild. Haha. I was a bit freakishly in love with everyone. Gradually- that changed a little into a more tamed version of loving and being. But you inherited a spark of love for loving. Maybe... still a little unfooted- but, priceless either way. Truly- priceless to see. I know you think some things are scaring you- but they aren't truthful. It isn't real. It's hard to have trust in that but just trust me. Trust you. I am nothing but a charmy and flourishing lovely cottonball. Haha- joking! But we all are a little vixenous sometimes, right? Perhaps you will see me when we go out, that I enter your mind more and you become more me than I become you. Channel the spirit of the sex! Baby! Who did you think you were!? Don't say you're ashamed... I was truly... a heartbreaker but I am kind? That counts for something right. Hmmmm, what to tell you. I haven't really got a message for you. To be honest I think we're currently on our recreational life. Just do whatever you want dearie. I've got no problem with it. But... do tell your mother something like- love you, when you leave. I know! People, right!? Strange creatures. But you will come to know the greatest of people. The biggest. Bestest. Friends. Ever. Haha- woooooo! I am excited already for you. Anyway- lovely for you to think of me- I always imagined myself to be a celebrity in your life so who knows!? Did we.... do it? Oh who knows! Maybe that's just a fantasy. But romantizing life is what we're made for so- go ahead. Think and imagine and write away. Poetry is lovely. I find you adorable. And if you continue- we might find some treasures along the way.

#pick a card #pick a deck #pick a pile #tarot #pick a card readings #pick a photo #reading #tarot community #past life #past lives #regression #pick a pile reading #pick a pile self #mental health

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five-bi-five-mind · 1 year

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Can i request toxic ex!wanda trying to get reader back no matter what it takes after doing her wrong and not knowing her worth? And reader just being extremely mad and done with wanda. I'd love to be manipulated by her 🥰🤝

Me & the Devil

Fandom: Marvel

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader

Genre: Dark fic (seriously dark!!) + Smut & Angst

Words: 11.5k+

Summary: It took everything ounce of strength you had to leave Wanda behind. When you did you tried your best to rebuild a life for yourself without her. You had a new career in a city far away and you were trying to restart your love life too. Only it was going horribly for you so far. Until Kate Bishop happened. Was she going to be the person to finally get you over Wanda? You thought so, until Wanda showed up at your door. And when she did, nothing prepared you for the measures she took to get you to let your guard down...

Warnings: toxic!Wanda; strap-on use (r receiving); face-fucking/riding (Wanda receiving); unhealthy relationships; oral (Wanda receiving); fingering (r receiving); choking; dub-con; kidnapping; non-con voyeurism kinda; alcohol mention; stalking; top!Wanda; bottom!r; dom/sub dynamics; tiniest bit of mommy kink...

A/N: lol this is the darkest thing I have ever written... you said toxic ex!Wanda and I really gave you toxic. Maybe it's not quite the request you asked for but... oops. But seriously folks take the warnings serious!! And tell me if I need to add more.

It happens almost every single time. You were starting to think there might be something seriously wrong with you to be ghosted so often. This was a pattern at this point: You’d connect with someone and meet up for a date. The date, in your mind, would go amazingly. Both of you would laugh and chat and they’d usually be the one to say something like “let’s do this again” and you’d happily agree. But then after you both part ways and a few days pass there’s no text, no call, no signs of following up on that hopeful promise to meet again. You’d text them once, maybe twice if you really felt strongly about meeting, but still you’d be met with nothing. You got ghosted. In the past six months, this has happened way more times than you’d like to admit. The first two times, you could convince yourself that they just weren’t that into you. It wasn’t you, it was probably them. But then it kept happening and happening and happening. How long could you say it wasn’t you? What were you doing to repel so many people?

After the last date you went on and then were subsequently ghosted, you were really considering giving up hope. But then somehow you got convinced to try again. This time it was a little different though. It wasn’t someone you met on a random dating app or a girl who happened to randomly pass her number to you at a coffee shop or a bar. No, this time it was someone you actually kind of already knew. It was someone you worked with, someone you already had a sort of established friendship with.

Usually, you’d be hesitant to agree to dating someone who had a professional relationship with you. Not to mention, she was kind of above you in the chain of command at your work. But when Kate Bishop waltzed right up to you and asked you out she was so charming and kind. She reassured you she would understand if you said no and that nothing would be weird if it didn’t work out. She smiled at you in the most endearing way and never failed to make you laugh even from your very first day working with her. Why wouldn’t you say yes? Honestly, you were just shocked she saw you as anything more than a work friend. So yeah, you decided to agree to a date. After all, it would be incredibly hard to ghost someone you have to see regularly at work. If things didn’t work out, she promised you’d still be friends and it wouldn’t affect the workplace. And while, yeah, a lot of people probably say that, you really believed that she meant it.

Prepping for the date had you honestly giddy this time. You asked some friends to accompany you to the mall so you could buy a nice outfit. When you asked what the date would be, Kate gave you the name of an entirely too expensive restaurant. She promised it would all be on her dime, no matter how much you protested. Her exact words were that she wanted to “sweep you off your feet” and you couldn’t help the blush that reached your cheeks when she said that. So, if you weren’t paying then the least you could do was invest in something nice to match the place she was taking you to.

Honestly, you were actually really excited about all of this. You had never thought of Kate as more than just a coworker, but you were really ready to see where this night could go. It felt like a turning point for you after all you had been through. Six months of getting ghosted was one thing, but all of that really added salt to the wound that was your horrible breakup that happened prior to all of those failed dates. This would be different though, at least you hoped. While you didn’t get to know all the other people who ghosted you well enough to know their character, you did know Kate. She was almost the exact opposite of your ex. She was kind and patient. She wasn’t so damn serious all the time either. Wanda was… well, you didn’t even know where to start. She was cold, she was controlling, and more than anything she had a darkness in her that put you on edge. She didn’t seem to listen to you and only wanted to pay attention to what you had to say when you said that you were leaving her. It was like all you were was a toy to her and it made you miserable. The fights you two had towards the end still shook you. When you and Wanda got together it all happened so fast. One day she saw you and then suddenly she was everywhere. In a blink you found yourself in a relationship with her and you didn’t even know how it all happened.

Not that you didn’t want to be with her. You had loved Wanda. You had loved her so profoundly, so deeply, so painfully that it was all you knew when you were with her. But then she grew different. More controlling, less caring. After a while you realized it wasn’t the healthiest situation to be in and you begged her for a change. Maybe you would’ve stayed and even dealt with her temperamental nature if she at least opened up to you, but it just didn’t feel like an equal relationship. She expected too much from you with nothing in return. It didn’t feel like love anymore, it felt like ownership. That change you pleaded for never came, so finally you pried yourself away from her.

The thing is, you knew once you left Wanda, you really had to leave. It wasn’t just that you packed your stuff and found an apartment. It was that you picked up your whole life and moved it to another town across the country. You found yourself an apartment and a job before you even left to make sure you had stability and wouldn’t chicken out. That was ten months ago. It took you four to feel like even trying to get back out there. Even though it went rather horribly up until now, with Kate, you thought maybe you could be ready for something real again.

Except, when the night you’d found yourself eagerly waiting for came and went with no sign of Kate, all those thoughts of restarting your romantic life plummeted. You had gotten to the restaurant, donning the beautiful dress you had bought for this very night. Bragging wasn’t really your thing, but as you got ready and gave yourself a once over in your apartment, you thought to yourself that you had this in the bag. If she was going to sweep you off your feet with a nice night out, you were gonna make her jaw drop with the way you’d make your entrance.

Admittedly, you were early to the restaurant than Kate requested you meet her at. She had a reservation for the both of you so when you walked in you immediately asked to be seated. You couldn’t help the way you fiddled with the silverware in front of you as you anxiously waited for her to slide into the chair across from you. Only when the agreed upon time came and went, you felt that pit in your stomach that said your hopes were about to be shattered. At first you told yourself it was Kate, she was often a little bit late to just about anything. But then ten minutes passed and then twenty and suddenly you were feeling embarrassed and sick to your stomach and furious all at the same time. You paid for the glass of wine you had ordered and nervously sipped on before walking out of that gorgeous restaurant that promised a fabulous meal with nothing but an empty stomach.

You weren’t sure if it was the wine that you had mixed with a lack of food or the fact that your eyes were already tearing up in anger just the tiniest bit when you told the waiter you wouldn’t be eating, but you weren’t pleased. As you stormed your way out of that restaurant and waited for an uber to take you home, you didn’t hesitate to shoot Kate what was probably the tenth text in a row. Each one was a little more angry than the last. Of course, it didn’t start out angry. Your first few were concerned but a little joke-y, but then when it became apparent she wasn’t anywhere to be seen, well, then you didn’t hold back too much.

What was work going to be like when you finally saw her on Monday? You had this naive little idea in your head that you and Kate would hit it off so well that she’d want to spend the whole weekend with you. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but you really thought you could predict that you and Kate would fall into this crazy, cliche romantic relationship after what was supposed to be a dazzling first date. Honestly, you had kind of expected to not be going home alone, or maybe not going home at all. Kate even joked as much when talking about what to expect for this date. You had rolled your eyes at her bluntness, but if you were being honest with yourself it had given you a little thrill.

All of that is gone now. The uber picked you up and dropped you off and all the while you somehow managed to keep it together. The tears that threatened to slip through back at the restaurant had been restrained as you sat alone in the back of the car and blankly stared at the thread of messages you had sent to Kate. They all sent, but the last message to be read by her was the one you sent saying you were on your way. Fucking typical, she chickened out at the last second and couldn’t even tell you to turn around.

The more you thought about it as you climbed the stairs of your apartment complex, the angrier you got until you could tell the emotions you were holding back were starting to overflow. Damn, you had been actually excited for this night. Yeah, when you matched with people and agreed to a coffee date with the others you had a little excitement for them too, but not like this. Not like Kate. She felt like this beacon in the darkness that was the last ten months. She felt like she was the one to pick up the pieces from what your last relationship did to you. How could you have been so wrong?

Now, instead of having a crazy romantic night like you had hoped, you were going to change out of your gorgeous outfit and fall apart alone in your bed in your coziest pair of pajamas. It was a pathetic way to spend the evening, you thought to yourself as you got closer to your unit. How could it possibly get any worse?

“(Y/N),” A familiar voice said from right behind you as you approached your door. You hadn’t realized anyone was even behind you as you made your way to your apartment, so the presence of anyone was going to make you jump out of your skin. But when you heard your name being called your blood ran cold and alarm bells went off. Surely it couldn’t be who you think it is…

You whipped around so fast it made you lose your balance on your heels. A hand shot out quickly though, wrapping slender fingers around your elbow and steadying you. “Hey,” the voice said and you swallowed hard.

Now that you were face to face, the source of the voice was exactly who you thought it was. Wanda stood there entirely too close to you, with her hand still wrapped around your arm. All you did was gawk at her, in utter disbelief of the turn the night just took. If there was anyone you were expecting to show up, it was certainly not her. You had hoped, as you made your way back home in disappointment, that Kate would be waiting right outside for you. Of course, knowing your luck these past few months, it was the last person you’d ever want to see showing up after such an awful night.

The circumstances alone made you want to double over in fits of laughter. It was all so just on point with how your life has gone since you left her. Of course Wanda would show up after yet another failed attempt to move on from her. It only feels even more like a cruel joke from the universe that she shows up before you can get home and wipe your face of the frustration tears that you shed as you stomped up the stairs to your apartment.

It took you a moment to realize that Wanda still had her hand on you and you ripped yourself away from her as if her touch suddenly burned. She didn’t seem phased by your actions, but instead was wearing a surprisingly soft expression. It seemed to add to your embarrassment and frustration.

There was a moment where you thought maybe you should say something. Right now, the only one to speak was Wanda and all she had to offer after showing up out of nowhere was a measly “hey” so there was a lot that needed to be said right now. For starters, maybe you should ask how the fuck she found you. It wasn’t like when you two broke up you readily gave her your address. In fact, you didn’t tell her much of anything when you left. You knew she had a business trip scheduled for the same time every quarter. So, you took her absence as a means to pack your stuff in a flash and leave. It was that trip that allowed you to prepare, you had given yourself a deadline to find a job and an apartment and leave and that’s exactly what you did. The only thing Wanda knew when she left for that trip was that you were incredibly unhappy with her, to which she just rolled her eyes as she walked out the door. That was the last time you saw her.

As you settled into your new place the same day Wanda was returning for her trip, you had left her a note and that was it. When that first night alone without Wanda came, you knew she saw the letter. There was one call from her that lit up your phone that night. You ignored it and that was that. She didn’t leave a message and to your surprise, she didn’t try again.

You thought the book was closed on that relationship after that. Apparently, tonight as she stood right in front of you for the first time in almost a year, you were very wrong about that fact.

“What do you want, Wanda?” You cleared your throat as you spoke. It was rough, you were trying to sound strong and demanding. But after fighting back the urge to sob the whole car ride home, your voice wasn’t coming out the way you wanted.

“It’s been awhile,” She gave you a small smile, but you didn’t miss the way she absolutely dodged that question.

“Why are you here?” You pressed again. Although, you honestly weren’t sure if you wanted to hear the answer. There were two reasons for that. The first being, you were in a vulnerable state and just wanted to crawl into your bed and lick your wounds. The second being, again, you were in a vulnerable state and if she said the right things she could take advantage of that. She always knew to say the right things. Being near her right now was dangerous. Not only because you were so unprepared to see her again, but because you were feeling so utterly hopeless and your pride was, at this point, completely shattered.

“I wanted to see you.” Wanda still had that hesitant smile on her face. She looked down at you as if she was actually nervous. Like she was trying to approach you with the utmost caution in fear that you would flee at any second. She wasn’t entirely wrong to think that either, because you were ready to run. Except, she was standing right at your doorstep, so where exactly would you run? You could close the door in her face and lock her out, but you knew Wanda. She was nothing if not persistent.

There was no response to that statement that would make you feel any stronger or even saner. You wanted to keep your dignity, even if you already looked pretty distraught. So instead you just exhaled, long and slow, before turning to your door.

What was your game plan right now? You couldn’t really tell. It was going to be a horrible decision if you let Wanda take one step inside your apartment, but you had a feeling that was her ultimate goal. Right now, you were running through different things to say. All you could really land on was pleading with her to meet you another day, when you’re less upset and tired. Maybe if you promised her you’d meet with her she would agree. Of course, knowing Wanda, if you said you’d grab coffee and catch up (which is a much friendlier way of putting what would inevitably be a very awkward conversation) she would hold you to that. But anything would be better than letting her slink right on in through your front door.

“Let me help you with that.” Wanda was directly behind you now, her hand reaching out to touch yours. You didn’t realize your hands were shaking so hard until you were trying and failing to get your house key into the lock. The way her hand wrapped around yours as she steadied it and guided the key in, surprisingly helped ground you. It was the familiar touch, even if it was brief and innocent, of her hand on yours that suddenly felt like you were able to catch your breath.

It was like a shock to your system and now all your nerve endings were finally waking up from a long sleep. It was a weird rush, no matter how brief, to feel with the warmth of her palm pressed to the top of your hand. Accompanied with that was the buzz that you always felt when she was in your personal space as she leaned closer to you from behind. And just like that, once the door was open, her hand slipped from yours and it was all gone.

You squeezed your eyes shut for a minute and took a deep breath. The rush of feelings with just that small of a touch from Wanda was not a good sign for you and definitely not a good sign for your will power either.

Wanda waited patiently behind you as you began to take the first step into your own apartment. To your surprise, when you turned back around to face her, she hadn’t crossed the threshold. Knowing Wanda, you had expected her to push her way in, to already have one foot in the door as she convinced you to let her stay. But no. Not this time. Instead, Wanda stood there patiently, her eyes boring into yours as she studied your face.

She still had the posture and facial expression of someone who was trying to be incredibly delicate. It was as if she was totally aware that she was walking on eggshells and, for the first time since you’ve known Wanda, she actually cared not to misstep. You were surprised to see her at your doorstep tonight of all nights, but even more so you were in complete disbelief at how patient she was being. If you were to have bet your money on anything, it would have been that the next time you saw Wanda she’d tear you a new one. Maybe she’s changed. Maybe this is why she didn’t contact you after that first night when you left. Was there hope that she could’ve taken a step back and looked at the way she treated you? Why did your brain automatically go to this idea that she actually took the last ten months to work on herself and now she was back to apologize and show you she’d grown?

Your last thought shot anxiety straight through your veins. That was a slippery slope your thoughts were going down. A slope that might lead into you crashing painfully into the emotionally unavailable wall that was Wanda Maximoff. Except, she was still waiting there, with bright shining eyes that told you she was just relieved to finally see you again. And you, well, you were just standing there in the gorgeous dress you spent way too much money on for a girl you’d known for ten months who didn’t even have the decency to text a rejection to you after promising you the night of your dreams. So why not let the woman who did actually show up and was trying to be kind to you in for the evening? And what’s one more glass of wine? At least this time you’d have company so you wouldn’t just be drowning in your pain and humiliation.

“Do you…” You paused for a moment watching Wanda’s face for any signs of insincerity or some kind of nefarious plan. She looked back at you with nothing but a soft smile and hope in her eyes. “Do you maybe want to come in for a bit? We can- I dunno… talk?”

“I’d love that.” And just like that you watched as she entered your apartment. When you got this place you had made one promise to yourself and that was to never let Wanda in if she ever found you. You had thought that the minute you’d let her back in she’d consume your life all over again. But here she was, at your doorstep, acting like a completely different person and suddenly that promise to yourself went out the window. You were so taken aback by her patience and gentleness with you in the brief time you’ve been reunited that you didn’t think to ask one important question. How the fuck did she find out you lived here?

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, she just never showed?!” Wanda leaned back in shock as you nodded vehemently. You two were currently sitting on either side of your couch, with half a bottle of wine already gone through. It had started out as small talk once she entered your apartment. Yes, it was awkward at first, but at least the wine had loosened up some of your nerves. Wanda seemed more relaxed than you had ever seen her. You never thought you’d be describing her this way, but she almost seemed bubbly. It was like a whole new Wanda was sitting right next to you and you were loving everything you were seeing.

The conversation stayed on you the whole time, which also was a bit surprising. Wanda wanted to know how you were doing and even praised you for how independent you had become. It was shocking, but with every proud smile she gave you, you felt your heart swell with pride for yourself as well.

Somehow, eventually, Wanda asked you why you were so dressed up. That’s when you were surprised by the wave of guilt that hit you in the gut. You shouldn’t feel guilty. It’s been almost a year, so there was nothing to feel remotely bad about. Except, when she asked you that question, you looked down at your lap and fiddled with an invisible string while you mulled over possible ways to respond in a way that made you feel less ashamed.

To your utter surprise, Wanda didn’t even flinch when you decided to tell the truth and confess that you had a date with your coworker who didn’t show. Instead, the part that made her so emotional was the fact that Kate stood you up in the first place, not that you would have a potential new romantic partner that wasn’t Wanda. Where was all the possessiveness she usually showed? You haven’t had the chance to ask Wanda what she had done in these past ten months apart, but you had a feeling you were in for a long, inspiring story about how she’s ready to be a better woman. Even if you didn’t know the full story, you could see in the way she was upset for your pain and only your pain that she had really grown. It was this change that had you so mesmerized by her. It was this display of compassion for your bad night that had you scooting closer to her until your knees were touching. And when Wanda’s hand, after waving in shock as you admitted that you still haven’t gotten a single text from Kate, had innocently landed on your bare knee just below where your dress ended, you didn’t move it.

“Well, she’s made a huge mistake,” Wanda shook her head. “I mean look at you…” The hand that wasn’t on your knee motioned to your whole body.

“I know! I paid a lot for this dress, you know.” You giggled, shocked that the sting of tonight’s rejection wasn’t quite as strong as it was a few hours ago.

“And it was worth every penny.” Wanda’s eyes darkened slightly as they raked up your body. “You look… fucking incredible.” Her voice was slightly lower as she said those last two words and suddenly you felt something shift. It was like something heavy filled the air, an electricity that was almost too much to bear.

Wanda looked back up and locked eyes with you. That gentleness that you had seen all evening was replaced with something else and suddenly you realized you were currently standing on a metaphorical cliff, one more step and you were about to fall right back into Wanda.

But then she leaned forward and you found yourself leaning too. She was right there next to you, with barely any space separating you two. The smell of her familiar perfume suddenly felt stronger and had your head swimming. The warmth that radiated from her presence was blanketing your entire body, and all you wanted to do was close the gap. Why not jump off that cliff? Obviously, nothing else you’ve been doing has worked so far. This was a sign, the girl you were excited for didn’t even have the respect for you to show up, but who did show up? Wanda. And the whole time she’s been sitting and listening and not pushing anything. She’s changed, that’s what you wanted. You had told her as much when you had all those arguments up until the end. Sometimes it takes a major leap for someone to right their wrongs finally and that seems like what was going on here. That’s what you hoped was happening. So why not indulge? You closed the gap.

The way Wanda let you come to her was surprising. Old Wanda was usually too guarded to let you take the lead, but she was letting you now. Your lips met hers in a hesitant kiss at first, but soon it grew into more. It was familiar and new all at the same time. You surged forward and tangled your hands in her hair and all the while Wanda let you. When you leaned back, pulling her with you, your lips still connected, she happily followed until she was hovering over you. Not once did either of you break the kiss. It was soft, but still had a hint of desperation on your part. Wanda let you take the lead, with your tongue tentatively running against hers when her lips parted for you.

While Wanda’s willingness to let you take the lead shocked you, she still showed that she was enjoying the kiss just as much as you were. When your head met the arm of the couch and Wanda’s body came with you as you leaned back, you felt the way she rolled her body into yours. It was a subtle movement, but you could tell it was her way to get as much contact between the two of you as possible. Meanwhile, the more Wanda pressed her body down against yours, the more your dress rode up. You were so lost in the way Wanda’s lips felt on yours that you jumped when you felt her knee press between your legs. That act felt like someone pouring ice cold water straight on your body.

“Wait!” Your voice was muffled by the way Wanda was still trying to kiss you, but when you pulled back she stopped. Your hands moved down to push at your dress, trying to cover more of you as Wanda shifted her weight so she could still hover over you but get some distance from your face.

For a moment, as you looked up at her, both of you breathing hard from the intensitive of it all, you thought you saw a flash of anger appear in her face. It was brief. A blink and you’ll miss it kind of moment, but you swore you saw it. It was like a crack in the perfect Wanda that sat with you all night. You had stopped the kiss because you thought it was going too far for one night, but when you did you were hesitant if it was the right call. Now, even though admittedly you could be wrong, you were glad you stopped.

If there was one thing you recognized on Wanda, it was the look she’d get when things didn’t go exactly the way she wanted them to. When you pulled back, it was such a brief moment, but you could’ve sworn you saw that familiar look. But then she was looking back down at you again with that gentleness you had seen all night, except this time things felt different. It was like all the warning bells were going off in your brain now. Something inside your mind told you that you had fallen into a trap and now you were too far into it to get yourself out.

But then another part of your brain wanted so desperately to shake that off. She had been so gentle with you, so kind and caring. It was a whole new side of Wanda and it was one that you had dreamt of for so long, especially in the early months after your break up. It wasn’t even like she was the one who started the kiss. You kissed her. Not only that, but you were the one to pull her on top of you. It wasn’t like it wasn’t enjoyable. It was everything you missed. It was fucking fantastic. Still, something told you to watch your back.

You were trying so hard to shake that paranoia off. It was probably just a new form of trust issues you’ve developed after being rejected constantly for the last six months. Yeah, that’s what it had to be. Right?

A moment passed and neither of you had moved after you had tried to push Wanda back. She remained hovering over you and suddenly you felt so small lying there beneath her. Finally, you pressed a hand to her chest, trying to indicate to her to move off you. She didn’t budge.

Instead, she stayed there, staring down at you. The look of anger never came back, but that gentleness wasn’t there either. It was all replaced with an emotion you couldn’t quite place as she cocked her head and flicked her eyes to where your hand pressed against her before looking back at your face.

It seemed like she was calculating something. Like Wanda was trying her hardest to plan her next move with you and was weighing her options. It was in that very moment that you realized the gentleness, the patience, the lack of anger when you told her you had tried to start dating again, all of that was an act. She really was a wolf in sheep’s clothing and she had you pinned right now.

A shiver ran down your spine as that realization sunk and it did not go unnoticed by Wanda. It was like a spark that lit a fire in her, when she saw you react like that. You were helpless underneath her and that was all it took for her innocent facade to melt completely away. She leaned back down, attacking your lips with her own in an instant.

Your hands braced against her chest as she leaned back down, putting more of her weight onto you as she kissed you. Every alarm was going off in your mind as she kissed you with an intensity that had you spinning. Your mind told you to push back, to make her stop, but then it was always this shift in Wanda that got to you. She was kissing you with that same passion that had you weak at the knees. You always hated how possessive she was with you in public, but in private it always had you reacting in a way that you really should’ve felt more shame for. And she was kissing you with that same, desperate, possessive energy you wished you didn’t miss.

The hands that were bracing Wanda’s chest were now grabbing at the fabric of her shirt as her tongue licked into your mouth. Her knee went right back to where it was, pressing in between your legs. You groaned against her mouth when she pressed it a little harder and you could practically feel how smug she was when she felt your hips roll onto her leg to gain more contact.

Wanda pulled back on her own this time. You were breathing hard and you could tell your face was flushed from how worked up you were just from a little bit of contact and her kiss. “This is going better than I thought it would,” Wanda let out a low chuckle as she knelt above you. You gave her a skeptical look as you tried to catch your breath. “I thought you’d put up more of a fight, but I guess I didn’t need to try too hard to remind you.”

“Wh- What are you talking about? Remind me?” You stammered, your head swimming.

“That you’re still mine,” she hissed.

Suddenly, a wave of nausea hit you. None of tonight with her had been real. She hadn’t changed, you had just felt sorry for yourself and were vulnerable so you let yourself dream and pretend. Now, you were facing the consequences of your actions. You had fallen back into Wanda and backpedaled on every little bit of healing you had done after leaving her. The worst part was, as she looked down on you with such self-satisfied triumph, you weren’t sure if you could claw your way back out again.

You sat up then, trying to squirm your way out from under Wanda. She didn’t move, but she did let you. When you tried to stand from the couch, it felt like your legs were going to give out from under you. She had you so disoriented from her whole act that you could barely stand on your own two feet.

“I think…” You kept your eyes glued to the floor as you spoke. “Wanda, I think you should leave.”

“Oh?” Wanda cocked her head to the side as she stood up too. You had taken a few steps away from the couch, but Wanda was quick to rid you both of the distance you had so desperately tried to create. “I don’t think that’s what you really want.”

“Yes, it is.” You weren’t convincing. Anyone would be able to tell you were two seconds away from buckling again and begging for forgiveness. This whole scenario felt disturbingly familiar.

“I don’t think so,” Wanda taunted. She took another step towards you and you stood there frozen. “I think you’re dying to beg me to stay.” The once exciting charge in the air changed even more until all you felt was the painful buzzing in your ears as your body shook with an excitement you were trying so desperately not to acknowledge. It was impossible to ignore though, especially when Wanda was stepping up into your space again, brushing her whole body against you as she slipped behind you.

“No…” you whimpered your response to Wanda, but even you knew you sounded pathetic.

“Shhh,” Wanda cooed. Her hands moved to brush hair from your neck before you felt the tips of her fingers dance on the exposed skin. You still stood there, locked in place, trying to hold back a shiver as Wanda’s lips pressed to your neck from behind. Your eyes screwed shut when you felt her brush them up to your ear. Her breath against the shell of your ear made you shiver and your hands balled into fists. “Do you really want to be alone tonight?”

She was turning your vulnerability against you. Of course you didn’t want to be alone tonight. But did you really want to spend the night with your apparently still toxic ex-girlfriend? As much as you wanted to say fuck no, you did. God you wanted her. Maybe you had never really even stopped wanting her.

You didn’t have to answer for Wanda to know exactly what you were thinking. She had her hooks into you and you were hers again. Or maybe you were always hers and even when you were free from her you never really were. With how easily you fell back into her after almost a year, you were starting to think you were really overestimating how much progress you made.

Wanda’s lips brushed your ear before you felt her hands on you now. They were making their way up your body, starting at your waist and moving to your chest in a way that almost made you feel manhandled. “You’re going to have to convince me,” Wanda’s voice was sickeningly sweet in comparison to the way she groped and squeezed at your breasts through your dress.

“Get on your fucking knees,” Wanda growled, the false sweetness leaving her voice and being replaced with a demand that had you jump. To your surprise it was like your body was compelled to do exactly as she said. You dropped to your knees and she stopped in front of you. The grin that spread across her face was menacing enough to make you gulp. She had a glint in her eye that told you any sort of soft, caring charade she had when she appeared at your door was long gone. No, that was all an act to get you to invite her in and invite her in you did. Now you were at her mercy and the thrill of that was clearly getting to the both of you.

As ashamed as you should be to have fallen back into Wanda Maximoff like you said you never would, you couldn’t help but feel anything but nervous anticipation. She licked her lips as she looked down at you. You squirmed under her gaze as you knelt there. Wanda took another step up until she was towering directly above you. Her hand shot out and immediately tangled in your hair, yanking your neck not-so-gently to look directly up at her. She smiled at you, all her teeth showing as she smirked. “Good girl.” She purred.

Wanda’s hand moved from your hair to stroke down your cheek until she reached your lips. You stared up at her, utterly frozen, as she traced your lips with her fingers before uttering one word. “Open,” she demanded and you did exactly that without hesitation. Two fingers slid into your mouth, the whole time she never broke eye contact. Your body was trembling slightly from where you knelt in front of her and as her fingers pressed down on your tongue you instinctively began to suck.

A sadistic chuckle left Wanda’s lips as she looked down at you. “Looks like you haven’t forgotten your place.” Her voice was low, threatening almost. Your face flushed, but it was like your brain wasn't in control of your body anymore. Suddenly, you were on some kind of autopilot, fulfilling the role Wanda always wanted you to take. The worst part was, you were okay with it. You didn’t realize you even missed it, but then again you caved so easily to her. Of course you missed it. No, actually you craved it. Your whole being ached for it.

Wanda’s fingers pushed into your mouth a little deeper and you continued to let her. Not once did you break eye contact, even as Wanda’s twisted smile grew. Finally, after a moment, Wanda pulled her fingers from your mouth, only to grab your chin and keep your head tilted upward in a painful position. “It’s too fucking easy,” Wanda sneered. She let go of your chin then and you took a moment to look down and give your neck a break.

You didn’t notice then that Wanda was backing up from you for just a second. When you ran your eyes up Wanda’s legs to meet where her hands were you realized she was tugging at the buckle to her jeans. You watched with wide eyes as she undressed in front of you before stepping right back up to you. All the while, your mind was screaming at you to put a stop to this. All you had to do was kick her out, right? So why did you just stay on your knees and stare?

“Wanda, maybe we should-” You were cut off by the hand that shot out and tangled in your hair again, giving it a hard tug.

“Shhh, baby,” Wanda cooed. “Let me use your mouth for something else.”

You flushed and those alarm bells in your mind sounded louder, but still you reluctantly nodded. There was something deeper inside you that said you needed this. You needed to please Wanda. It felt so horribly wrong to give into this feeling that you thought you had buried deeper inside yourself. But then Wanda was tugging you closer until suddenly you were between her legs, being practically smothered by her already wet pussy and all of those alarm bells silenced all at once. That feeling you thought you had buried got stronger with the way Wanda was rolling her hips against your face and your hands went out to brace yourself on her thighs. As she began to ride your face the moans she was letting out were just spurring that feeling on until nothing felt wrong anymore and everything about tonight felt just so fucking right.

You were surrounded by Wanda. Her hands held your head still as she fucked herself on your mouth and all you could do was take in every moment of Wanda as she used you. And it was fucking glorious. You didn’t think you could miss something so much and be totally unaware of it. Or, it wasn’t that you were unaware… It was that you got so good at ignoring it that when you finally acknowledged your need to indulge in your Wanda problem it woke back up with a roar.

Wanda’s hands were tugging hard at your hair as she kept riding your face. She was moaning your name as she moved and you did your best to encourage more of the sounds she was making above you. Your tongue lapped hungrily at her clit as best as you could with each time she would grind down onto you. You didn’t even care that you were being slightly suffocated by her. Wanda was overloading all your senses right now and all you could do was greedily accept it. It was like a fucked up rush of twisted joy was coursing through your veins as she practically fucked your face. She was using you like an object, no ounce of gentleness left in her as she got herself off, and meanwhile you were just happy to be useful.

The part of your brain that should feel shame for all of this was finally, utterly switched off as Wanda repeated how good you were being for her and how much she missed your mouth when she came all over your lips. Her hips stopped after a moment and she released your hair. You took in large gulps of air you didn’t realize you needed until you felt the burning in your lungs. Wanda also seemed a little frazzled, like the intensity of her own orgasm had taken even her by surprise. But after a moment of catching her own breath, she slipped back into the collected, controlled Wanda you knew.

“Get up,” Wanda ordered and you did what she said. Your legs felt a bit weak as you struggled to stand, but Wanda was on you in a second, steadying you by the elbow so that you didn’t topple over on yourself. It was the smallest action that didn’t even really mean kindness, but you were so far gone into Wanda again that even that made your heart swell.

“Take your clothes off and meet me in your bedroom.” Wanda’s hands were back on you, already tugging at your dress and pulling it off for herself without waiting for you to fulfill her request. You did the rest before looking back up at Wanda. She looked at you with an excitement that had you curious. Seeing the curiosity in your eyes she answered before you could even ask. “I have a surprise for you.”

Your eyes scanned the room you two were in. How did she have a surprise when she came here empty handed?

Wanda’s grin grew wider until you started to feel the drunkenness that came with being with her start to get replaced with something else. “It’s waiting for you in your bedroom,” She winked.

“Waiting in my…” You were trying to connect some dots.

“Bedroom,” Wanda finished. “Now, come on.” You felt like your whole body had stalled as you tried to think through things. How was there a surprise there left by Wanda? She hadn’t left your sight since she showed up at your door.

Wanda tugged on your hand and you realized she was pulling you in the exact direction toward your bedroom. Your apartment had multiple rooms: one your office, one your bathroom, and one your bedroom. So how could she possibly know to go to the right one? Your stomach dropped as she tugged you closer.

You started to drag your feet and Wanda paused for a second, looking back at you with thinly veiled frustration.

“How do you know where my bedroom is?”

“Lucky guess,” She shrugged and you could hear the irritation in her voice.

“Wanda, what’s waiting for me in there?” Your blood ran cold as you asked that question, realizing you were suddenly terrified of the answer.

“A surprise.” Wanda’s voice was devoid of excitement as she said it this time. You realized she was getting angry and this was your warning to stop pressing. But there were two things wrong with this moment right now: What was behind your bedroom door and how had Wanda been in there without you noticing?

“Wanda, have you…” You didn’t want to ask it, but you had to. “Have you been here before?”

Wanda snorted at that and gave a hard tug on your hand, pulling you with surprising force right up into her personal space. Her hands then moved to grab hard at your hips so that she could press her own bare body into yours without you being able to escape. “Stop acting stupid,” Wanda leaned forward to whisper into your ear, her voice eerily sweet. “I’ve been here the whole time.”

“W-What?” It felt like the air was knocked out of you. Wanda’s nails dug into your sides as she held you there.

“Did you think I would just let you leave?” Wanda chuckled. “I’ve been here, waiting the whole time. I know you could feel me… Especially at night.” Wanda’s nails dragged up your bare skin. “When you were alone. I know it was me you were thinking of.”

A flush grew on your cheeks and you wondered, with horror, how much of what Wanda was saying was a guess and how much of it was her watching you when you never even knew.

“Why now then? Why reveal this to me now?” That’s what was really bothering you. Somehow, the rest of this wasn’t surprising. It was on brand with how she was before you left her. Controlling and secretive. She hadn’t changed a bit. Right now, you were shocked and furious, but still you couldn’t silence the fucked up voice deep inside you that said you wer relieved she was back. Wanda was a piece of you that you desperately wished you didn’t need, but as much as you tried to tell yourself you didn’t belong to her, tonight proved that you might always feel that way.

“Because,” Wanda seemed to be blatantly annoyed with you now. “That girl was getting too close this time.”

Kate. You had honestly forgotten all about Kate. Letting Wanda touch and use you had wiped any thoughts of any other woman out of your mind. In fact, until this moment, you forgot that you should feel angry and embarrassed for being rejected and stood up. You had just been so lost in Wanda’s return that everything else melted away. But now… Now you weren’t feeling anger towards Kate. No, with the way Wanda spat out the word “girl” as she spoke, you realized she was probably well aware of who Kate was. You were concerned.

“What?” You ripped yourself from Wanda’s grasp and took a few steps back. “Wanda, what did you do?”

“Only what I had to.” She followed each of your steps with a long stride of her own. “She wanted what’s not hers. I couldn’t have that, now could I?” The way she was looking at you as she cocked her head to the side sent a chill down your spine. Maybe this wasn’t actually the Wanda you knew. Maybe she had changed. When you were together you had seen a lot of sides of her, but not this one. This one made your palms sweat and your stomach turn. You’d never seen Wanda hurt another person, but just because you didn’t see it didn’t mean she wasn’t capable of it. What did she do to Kate?

“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” Wanda scoffed. “She’s not dead.”

Thank fucking god, you thought. Maybe Wanda was just exaggerating. Hopefully, Kate was just fine. Although, your gut was telling you everything wasn’t quite that simple.

“You’ll see,” Wanda reached out her hand and cupped your chin. Your eyes met hers and you saw the sadistic twinkle in her eye as she grinned down at you. “It’s part of your surprise.”

You gulped at that, not liking the sound of it one bit. At this point in the night you made a lot of choices with Wanda already that you promised you wouldn’t do and the way she was acting now was making you sick to your stomach. She needed to leave, tonight needed to be over. Tomorrow you’d go to work and hopefully see Kate there in one piece. And if she was then you’d apologize profusely for whatever Wanda did to scare her off from your date.

“Wanda, you need to leave.” As much as you tried to sound commanding, your voice was weak and shaky. Wanda’s smirk just grew and you realized now she was looking at you like you were her prey and she was about to pounce.

“Now, now,” She tsked as her thumb went up to press against your lips. “It’s really hard to take you seriously when you still have my cum glistening on your lips, pet.”

You tore your head away from her and wiped at your mouth, as if that would make any difference in erasing what had just transpired between you two. You let her claim you, you let her mark you. You almost let her take you to your bedroom and fuck you senseless until the pain and humiliation of tonight were washed away. Of course, now that humiliation was back tenfold and mixed with it was a gut wrenching fear for Wanda you had never felt before.

“If I had let that girl show up for your… date,” Wanda practically spit the word out. “Then, you wouldn’t have gotten a taste of mommy’s cum now would you?”

You were speechless. The way she was talking, the way she was acting. Was this how Wanda was all along? It made you scared, so scared that you quaked where you stood. But also… the way she had been handling you all night, claiming you, mixed with the glint in her eyes as she realized she had you right where she wanted you and the demanding tone she was taking… As sickening as it was, it excited you.

Like a light switch the frustration left Wanda’s face and was again replaced with the excitement she had before. Wanda’s hands were back on you, turning you around and leading you back towards the dreaded surprise that awaited you in your bedroom. Despite what it all meant, you let her guide you without any more protest. “Close your eyes,” Wanda whispered in your ear. “And don’t open them until I tell you to.”

For whatever reason, you did exactly what she said. It was like you were wired to obey her. Like someone else stepped inside your body and now you were doing all the opposite things you should do. Except, you couldn’t blame anyone else but yourself. You knew, this was all you. This was why you ran, because you were Wanda’s little play toy and you wanted to be more than that. At least, you thought you wanted to be more than that.

The creak of the door swinging open brought you out of your thoughts and you knew your way around your apartment well enough to know Wanda was leading you to your bed. With both her hands on your shoulders, she pushed you down until you were forced to sit on the edge of your bed. Still, you kept your eyes closed. No matter how anxious you were, you were going to be good for her. You needed to be good for her.

You could hear Wanda take a few steps back from you, but you still had no idea what this surprise was. Something told you, in your gut, that it wasn’t going to be a good one. Yet, still you were so ready to accept whatever Wanda had to give you that, with a wave of shame, you didn’t think you cared whatever it might be.

“Open them,” Wanda ordered. You opened your eyes slowly, just as you were told. First, you just stared at Wanda. She was beaming as she stood in front of you. Then, you turned your eyes to the side and practically leapt out of your own skin. “Do you like it?”

All you could do was sit and stare. There she was, Kate Bishop, bound and gagged. She was helplessly facing where you sat, restrained on your own office chair. You should’ve felt embarrassed or ashamed that she was seeing you in such a state of undress, but you were still in way too much shock to process much of anything.

Wanda, in the meantime, was circling the bed. You didn’t really pay much attention to her at this point, still just fixated on the way Kate pulled at her bindings, trying to lean towards you. Kate’s eyes, at first, weren’t even looking at you. They were glaring at Wanda, as if she was trying to break free and protect you. But you knew. You weren’t the one in need of protection. Even in Wanda’s grasp, you knew that in her twisted possessive mind, it wasn’t you she felt threatened by. It was Kate. The woman who, as Wanda saw it, tried to take what was hers.

You felt a dip in the mattress as Wanda crawled to you from the other side of the bed. Once she reached you, she stopped, kneeling directly behind you. Wanda’s hands came to circle around your waist and you let her. Your mind hadn’t told you to do anything to stop her, to take any kind of action at all. The logical part of your mind told you to untie Kate, but then a larger part of you, the part that told you that you were way too far gone, demanded you don’t displease Wanda anymore.

Hands moved all over your body, running up and down your sides, groping your breasts, nails leaving marks in their wake. It was causing Kate to practically growl through the cloth muffling her mouth.

“Oh, look at her,” Wanda pretended to pout as she cupped your chin and turned your head to meet Kate’s desperate eyes. “The poor girl is in love with you. She thought tonight would be the start of some big love story. She was stupid enough to brag about it with anyone who would listen. Too bad she doesn’t know you’re really just a pathetic little thing already ruined by me. Isn’t that right?”

Wanda’s hold on your chin grew tighter and you held back a wince. You knew she was waiting for an answer, but as Kate’s panicked gaze searched your face you felt too ashamed to utter a single word.

“I almost feel bad for her,” Wanda continued when you didn’t speak. “I mean, I can relate. Much like her, I wanted you the moment I saw you too. But she and I have one big difference…” Wanda dropped your chin again and her hands made their way down your body. You let out a gasp when you felt a hand move straight down between your legs and cup your pussy.

“I already fucking took what I wanted,” Wanda snarled as you felt two fingers enter you. Your hand flew to Wanda’s wrist at the surprise intrusion, but you couldn’t help that your previous gasp had turned into a pathetic moan. “And I’m never letting you have her.” She punctuated each word with a pump of her fingers and you bit down hard on your lip to stop the sounds that were threatening to fall from you. Kate was thrashing in the chair in front of you and your eyes dropped to the floor. Your fingers flexed around Wanda’s wrist, but you still didn’t pull her away. At this point the only thing on your mind was to make her happy, regardless of the horrifying circumstances. Wanda has scared you tonight, she has made you take a giant backstep to which you won’t ever return from and she’s gone to lengths you’d never expect. Except, you were just too far gone now.

Feeling Wanda inside you again was earth shattering. You’d spent so many nights alone and in those frustrating nights you had told yourself you just wanted somebody, anybody to hold you. That was a fucking lie. You wanted- No, needed Wanda. You were hers and no amount of time or distance changed a damn thing about that. It took one night, less than three hours even for you to fall back into place with her and realize just how deeply you needed to be hers. Wanda’s goal this whole time was to remind you and teach you and Kate a lesson and unfortunately for the both of you, the lesson was learned. You didn’t think you’d ever have the strength, courage, or even sense to leave Wanda ever again after this.

With Wanda’s fingers pumping inside you and her bare body pressed to your back, your head was swimming. Never mind the poor girl who was forced to watch helplessly. Your eyes squeezed shut at the magnitude of shame you had for enjoying this as much as you were while Kate looked at you with what was possibly the most heartbreaking expression you’d ever seen.

Before Wanda could make you cum she withdrew her fingers. You couldn’t help the whimper that left your lips at that, but quickly bit your lip again to keep from making too much noise. With the circumstances, it felt wrong to be enjoying all of this as much as you did. but this was Wanda. The one person who knew your body better than anyone else. Even after almost a year apart, she hadn’t forgotten the way you liked it when she curled her fingers inside you or the way you’d get so wet from her treating you in such a rough manner.

At one point, when you were with her, you wondered what you had become. Never did you think you’d be someone who let another person utterly own your entire being, body and all. When you left you thought you could free yourself of that. But if you learned anything tonight, it was that you still belonged to Wanda. With the measures she had gone to and the way you kept letting her do whatever she wanted to you, that fact was pretty clear.

You twisted your head around to see what Wanda was doing, only to watch her reach under your own pillow. What she revealed was very familiar to you; a dark red strap on that Wanda used to love to use on you. She kept it. Your eyes widened as you realized she wasn’t going to let you off the hook any time soon tonight. Or Kate for that matter.

Your head turned back to Kate who had stopped struggling to stare in shock at Wanda too. For a moment you thought to get up and actually help Kate, if only so she didn’t have to watch what was to come next. Only, it seemed like Wanda knew exactly what you were considering, because she was on you before you could move a muscle.

With a surprised yelp, Wanda had your body turned and your back hitting the bed in mere seconds. She swung her leg over your body at that and you just stared up at her as her predatory smile slowly turned to Kate. “Look at you,” Wanda was directly talking to Kate now. “This is killing you isn’t it?” Wanda’s hands were slipping under your knees now, bending them so that they could hook around your waist. The toy was lined up and your chest was heaving in anticipation. Anxiety was coursing through your veins, but so was this hard to ignore, appalling feeling of anticipation and excitement for what was to come. For what you missed so desperately.

You held your breath as Wanda entered you with the toy that you never quite got used to back when you two were together. Now, since you were out of practice, the familiar burn of it stretching your pussy out reminded you of the very first time she used it on you. You squeezed your eyes shut again and couldn’t stop the pitiful groan that left your lips.

Wanda chuckled from above you before she finally bottomed out inside you. “Was this how you planned to fuck her?” Wanda was still talking to Kate as she began to rock her hips. “Or were you going to be gentle? See the thing with her is… She likes to be ruined.” Your fingers tangled in the sheets as you tried your best to get used to how big her cock was inside you. Your desire for Wanda was completely in control at this point, letting Wanda start a steady pace with no intentions of stopping her. The way you could hear Kate struggling made you feel sick, but the way you never wanted Wanda to stop, despite her presence, made that feeling worse.

Wanda’s pace kept increasing. Her body bent over you until she was pressed against you. The way she pumped into you was making the whole bed rock and the burn of her practically abusing your pussy had finally turned into extreme pleasure in a way that had your body arching into hers. You had totally given into this feeling now, all thoughts of Kate gone and replaced with how much you wanted Wanda to just keep claiming you in the way that she was.

“Tell me,” Wanda growled into your ear this time as her hips slowed for a moment. “Do you really think she could fuck you like this?”

“N-no,” you were trying to catch your breath as you spoke.

Wanda snapped her hips hard and you immediately cried out again. “What was that? I don’t think she heard you.”

“No!” You cried. “Fuck! No, only you can. Only you. Only-”

“Shhh, that’s my girl.” Wanda’s hand stroked down your cheek as she picked up the pace yet again. Her hand moved down your jaw until it stopped right on your throat. Her fingers wrapped around your neck and she squeezed. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt you, but still enough to make you struggle to take the much needed deep breathes as she fucked you as hard as she did.

All sounds of Kate’s struggles were lost on your ears. Your body was trembling and you were two seconds from falling apart all over Wanda’s cock. Wanda was loving every second of it. She was moaning in your ear as she kept fucking you harder, just the sight of you turned her on beyond belief. The way her hand flexed and squeezed slightly more on your neck mixed with the way she was pumping herself into you with such a force had strangled moans coming from you with abandon. It took more strong snaps of her hips before you were falling apart on top of her with a miserable cry.

Wanda’s hips slowed when you came down from your orgasm and her hand left your neck. You took loud, gasping breaths for air. Your body was spent and splayed out on the mattress. Wanda was looking down at you with such a satisfied grin on her face and for a moment all you could think of was wanting Wanda to make you cum again. Except then you remembered.

Your head slowly turned to see Kate still there, bound with tears running down her face. What now? That was the only thing running through your mind.

Wanda’s hand came back to your chin, turning your head so you were facing her again. The shame that was coursing through your veins again felt louder, more painful. Except she was stroking your cheek, looking down at you with more pride in her eyes than you’d ever seen before.

“Shhh,” she soothed. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything. Then you and I are going to go somewhere far away.”

You couldn’t help the shiver of fear that ran through your body as Wanda kept stroking your cheek in a gentle way that you hadn’t seen since she first arrived. Something told you that you didn’t really have a choice, but to go.

A thousand scenarios ran through your mind about what Wanda was going to do with Kate. You felt pity for her and embarrassment at what she had witnessed.

“I’ll go.” You heard yourself before you could even think about what you were saying. “But let Kate go.”

Wanda frowned for a moment, her hand pausing on your cheek. She looked over at Kate and then back down at you, the frown quickly leaving and being replaced with a conniving. “If I promise to let her go, you must promise to never try to leave again.”

You nodded furiously, taking this one chance to get Wanda to do your bidding. Kate would be free, even if it meant that you sealed your fate. Only, little did Wanda know, after tonight you didn’t think you’d ever have the strength to leave her again. She was the one thing you wanted that you wished you didn’t. She was in your veins, she was your entire being. You were hers completely and nothing, no amount of time or space, would ever set you free.

You surrendered to Wanda the moment you saw her again. Even if you tried to leave once, you knew Wanda was going to spend a lot of time reminding you that you would never be able to leave again.

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cfierce116 · 2 months

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No Sleep Part Two

A/N: Thank you to everyone for the support for Part One. Hope you all enjoy the next installment. Also, if anybody wants to be tagged for updates please let me know.

*Pairings: Jey Uso/OC (black fem)

*Warnings: 18+

*Word Count: Approximately 4600 words.

“I shoulda went home.”

Imani smacked her lips as she rolled onto her other side trying to find a comfortable position in the queen sized bed in Sefa and Krystle's guest room. It was several hours after dinner and she was trying to force herself to get a few hours of sleep before she had to drag herself to work. Once the group returned to the couple's house, the liquor continued to flow (or water in Imani's case because she refused to have a hangover at work) as they played cards and listened to music. Like at dinner, the conversation flowed easily and despite her earlier protests Imani was happy she decided against ending her night early especially since she got to spend extra time with Josh. As the night continued in Imani found herself relaxing more around Josh. He was easy to talk to and actually seemed interested in whatever she had to say. Watching him and Sefa crack jokes on one another reminded her of watching her own three older brothers doing the same whenever they reunited during the holidays.

However, the later it got the more drowsy Imani got. She was not lying when she told Krystle that her days of partying into the wee hours of the morning were long gone and even her staying up until a quarter to 3 AM was pushing her limits. Imani quickly lost the battle against Krystle, Sefa, and Josh to order an Uber to go back to her apartment which is how she eventually wound up in the guest room. On one hand she was grateful to have friends that cared about her wellbeing that also had a guest room for her to crash in.

But on the other hand, she wanted to strangle both Krystle and Sefa for keeping her awake with the loud giggling happening in the room next to her as Sefa did God knows what to her best friend's body.

Don’t get her wrong she was happy for her best friend finding the love of her life. The two of them were perfect for one another. However, Imani could’ve been happy for them without hearing them get frisky with each other since she herself was in the middle of a year long dry spell.

It wasn’t as if her dry spell was intentional. After her latest heartbreak with another man who decided to show his true colors after wasting Imani’s time for two years, Imani made the choice to take a break from dating and focus on her career and working on herself. Learning how to enjoy being single and figuring out who she was without letting her personality be dictated by whoever she was dating at the time. After a year of self reflection, Imani finally decided she was ready to dip her toe back into the dating pool to see what was out there.

But all she found was trash. Nothing but trash.

After a few dates Imani still hadn’t made a connection with anybody. There was either no spark between her and the men that sat across from her, the date reminiscent of going to grab a quick bite to eat with one of her older brothers. Or she detected a red flag that sent her running far away as quickly as she could, determined to not allow herself fall into the familiar trap of her thinking she could ignore the flags and fix the man instead. While some people (namely her mom Joyce who was desperate for a grandchild from her only daughter) thought Imani might have been setting her expectations and requirements too high, she believed she was simply weeding out the men who weren’t right for her because she would be damned if she would waste her time on a man that wasn’t worth it. And if she had to remain single until she met her perfect match then so be it.

Yet there were still nights like tonight, where she was being subjected to hearing her best friend’s moans over her head when the loneliness felt extremely suffocating.

Deciding she couldn’t handle listening to the frolicking going on next door, Imani quietly slipped out of the bed and started searching for her belongings. If she left now, she could make it back to her place within thirty minutes. She folded the dress she wore earlier into a neat pile and grabbed her heels off the floor opting to carry them instead of wearing them so Krystle wouldn’t discover her trying to leave. Regardless of being an adult and knowing she could make whatever decision she wanted, Imani really didn’t want to deal with another repeat of Krystle trying to convince her to stay the night.

Imani stepped out of the guest room and sneakily walked towards the stairs, easing down each step before reaching the main floor. She reached inside her purse and pulled out her phone to request another Uber ride.

“Sneakin out?”

Imani quietly yelped at the voice behind her and quickly twirled around. Her eyes landed on Josh who stood in the kitchen drinking a bottle of water. She stopped her gaze from traveling over his body, his chest bare and showing off his intricate tribal tattoos and his lower half covered in a pair of gray basketball shorts. Imani placed her hand over her chest as she tried to catch her breath – whether it was from Josh startling her or the image before her she didn’t know.

“I am not sneaking out.”

Josh smirked. “So why you tiptoein around here with your stuff?”

“I didn’t wanna disturb anybody that’s all.” Imani and Josh held their stare before erupting in laughter. “Fine. You caught me. I am sneaking out. But I shoulda just took my ass home in the first place. It’s so hard for me to sleep anywhere besides my bed and having to listen to those two act like horny teenagers I can’t get a wink of sleep.”

“What was it that you told me at dinner? Be nice - they’re annoying but they’re sweet,” Josh joked with a laugh.

Imani rolled her eyes. “Fuck that I like my sleep. I don’t see how you stay here when you come visit.”

“It usually don’t bother me because I can sleep through anything. But since I’m sleepin’ in the guest room down here I can barely hear em.”

Imani furrowed her brow. “There’s not a guest room down here.”

“You standing in it.”

Imani glanced behind her to see a bedsheet and a pillow on the couch behind her. “You’re sleeping in the living room?”

Josh shrugged as he finished the last drop of water. “I ain’t picky. Just gimme a flat surface and I can fall asleep anywhere,” he said as he walked to the corner where the trash can and recycling bin sat dropping the empty bottle into the bin.

Imani watched as Josh walked to the couch and plopped down, stretching his legs out in front of him. She dropped the items in her hand on a chair and walked in front of him, placing a hand on her hip.

“Wait you usually sleep in the room upstairs? Why didn’t y’all just say that? I coulda slept down here.”

“I’m not lettin’ you sleep on a couch Imani. It’s fine I told you I’m not picky.”

Imani pushed away the guilt she felt for taking the guest room from Josh as she gently dropped down on the couch next to him. She flashed him a small smile. “Thanks for the drinks tonight. Although I should’ve stopped at one shot.”

“It’s yo birthday. A few shots ain’t gonna hurt,” Josh said with a wink. He glanced over Imani’s body that was now dressed in a pair of gray leggings Krystle loaned her to sleep in with an oversized white t-shirt. Her hair was tossed into a messy high ponytail exposing her slender neck that was adorned with a simple thin gold necklace. ”So did you enjoy yo’self tonight?” he asked after a few seconds of silence.

“You know I actually did. It felt nice to let loose and relax for a few hours,” Imani answered with a smile. “Sorry you had to spend one of your few off days tagging along to a birthday dinner so I wouldn’t feel like a third wheel loser.”

Josh smacked his lips. “Ay, you not a loser.”

“I’m just saying I’m sure you could’ve found something better to do with your time. Call up one of your many girlfriends to link up with.”

Josh softly laughed and ran his hand over his hair, pushing it off his forehead temporarily before it fell back in place, errant strands framing his face. “Look I ain’t gonna sit up here and pretend I couldn’t have called up some other woman to hang with tonight.”

“Of course you could’ve.”

“But I didn’t because I wanted to spend time with you. And I had fun,” Josh said with a smirk. “None of them other chicks are you Imani.”

Imani chuckled softly. “Wow Krys was right. You are a charmer.”

A heavy silence filled the room after Imani’s statement and she mentally kicked herself. She barely knew Josh and here she was being her typical sarcastic self that she usually reserved for her conversations with Krystle. Turning to mumble a quick apology to Josh before getting ready to head home, Imani movements halted as her eyes locked with his. Intensity burned in his gaze as he stared at her making her stomach flutter with nervousness as her skin’s temperature increased, sweat gathering on her palms and between her legs.

At least she thought that was sweat.

“I sho-“

“You really don’t get it do you?”

Imani’s face crinkled with confusion. “I don’t know what you mea-“

Imani’s words instantly died on her lips as Josh quickly thread his fingers through her ponytail and pulled her face closer to his, smashing his lips against hers. The movement caught her off guard as her body stumbled backwards from the impact. A few seconds later her brain registered what was happening and she naturally relaxed in Josh’s arms, wrapping her arms around his neck as she returned the kiss. His plush lips moved in unison with hers as his tongue slipped between the seam of her lips. Imani released a soft moan the moment their tongues touched making Josh’s grip on her ponytail tighten as he groaned lowly.

The sound of his groan snapped Imani back to reality and she pulled away quickly, remembering what she was doing and who she was doing it with. She quickly stood up to distance herself from Josh, not trusting herself to be close to him.

“Josh-“

“Damn that was better than I imagined,” Josh interjected.

Imani’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?”

Josh stood as well, adjusting his basketball shorts. Imani quickly diverted her gaze from him choosing to stare at her pale pink painted toenails instead.

“You tellin me you really don’t know?” Josh asked. Imani shook her head as she continued to avoid his eyes. He stepped towards her and placed his index finger underneath her chin, lifting her head. The fire in his stare made her pulse quicken as she felt stuck in place, her eyes watching as he slowly licked his lips.

“Imani I like you.”

Confusion washed over Imani’s face. “What?”

“I like you,” Josh repeated.

“You do?”

“Yeah For a minute now actually. Like why do you think every time I see you around I always go out of my way to speak to you? Or the amount of times I comment on your posts and slide into your DMs on Instagram?”

“I just thought you were being friendly. I didn’t think nothing of it.” Imani shrugged.

Josh chuckled. “Shit I spent the past two weeks pleading with Krys to let me come to dinner tonight. Even had to get Uce to plead my case and shit with her too.”

“Wait, Krys knows?” Imani asked, her light brown eyes widening more.

“Hell yeah Krys knows. Sefa knows. Jon knows. Joe knows. Trinity knows. I guess everybody knows but you.”

Silence fell over the two as Imani tried to figure out how everybody else knew about how Josh felt about her but her. Memories of the brief conversations they shared whenever they crossed paths or managed to end up sitting next to each other when Krystle and Sefa had a gathering at their house flooded her brain. Josh was always nice to her, always greeting her when he saw her and asking her how things were going. But he never made a move to indicate he was interested in her.

And sure he slid into her DMs on a couple occasions with an emoji response to one of her stories or some corny joke that made her chuckle. But she never thought much of that either because she was positive a man that was as fine as him slid into plenty of DMs. She simply thought it was Josh being Josh.

Clearly it was much more than that.

Imani crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at the man in front of her. “So if everyone knew why didn’t you tell me?”

Josh nervously chuckled as he released the hold he had on Imani’s chin. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Shit I ain’t think I had a chance.”

“Why not?”

Josh stepped away from her as he started pacing. “You seem like the type of woman that wants a man that’s the CEO of some big time corporation or some shit like that. Has multiple degrees. Drives a luxury SUV that’s big enough to drive the kids y’all will eventually have to school and after school activities. Knows which forks to use when he takes you to a fancy restaurant. A man that would know all the right things to say instead of getting nervous every time y’all speak.” Josh stuffed his hands inside the pockets of his shorts and shrugged as he continued to pace. “So basically the opposite of me.”

Imani’s expression softened as her brain registered Josh’s words. On screen Jey Uso was an overly confident, charismatic, energetic superstar. But Josh was showing her a side of him that she hadn’t seen before. Sure he still had that same swagger and charm as his television persona. But in this moment of vulnerability he was giving her a glimpse of his timid and uncertain side, features that reminded her of how she behaved around him. Before her brain could protest Imani reached out and grabbed his forearm which stopped his movements.

“Josh-“

Josh shook his head and held up his hand, an uneasy smile spreading across his face. “You know what just forget I said anything Mani. I’m sorry for gettin weird and kissin you.” He turned to walk away.

“I like you too!” Imani blurted, her hand immediately covering her mouth.

Josh’s head whipped around towards Imani, curiously eyeing her. “Huh?”

Imani chuckled nervously as she silently berated herself for the word vomit ungraciously spilling out of her mouth. She bounced her weight from one leg to the other and exhaled.

“I like you. Hell I’ve liked you for a while too,” Imani admitted.

A relieved grin spread across Josh’s lips as he also crossed his arms, mimicking her earlier stance. “So why you ain’t say something?”

“We might actually have more in common than you think because I also didn’t think I had a chance. Never thought I was your type.”

“My type?” Josh asked. “Whatchu mean by that?”

“Let’s be for real. You’re a WWE superstar. You can choose any woman you want in any city you visit. If I were to put money on it I would guarantee you would go for the Instagram baddie with the fat ass wearing the best designer clothes the world has to offer instead of a plain jane with a small ass who shops at Old Navy.”

Josh shook his head. “Ay stop that shit. There’s nothin plain jane about you. You’re beautiful and you look fine as hell in anything you wear.”

Imani pursed her lips together to stop the goofy smile from appearing on her face. “I’m just saying I know I’m not the kind of woman that makes men go wild with desire. And I’m not like Krys - bubbly and full of personality who can easily talk to anybody she meets. I’m mild mannered and reserved. I just prefer to keep a low profile and most of the time that means men overlook me.”

“I don’t overlook you,” Josh countered. “Hell every time you walk into a room I can’t keep my eyes off of you.”

“Really?” Surprise dripped from Imani’s voice.

“Yeah really. You have this vibe that just oozes confidence you know. You have this understated beauty where you don’t need flashy clothes to stand out you just do so naturally. Yeah you keep a low profile but I like that the most about you. You don’t have to be loud to get noticed you just happy stayin in the background and chillin. I think you only share your energy with people that you think are worthy enough to experience it. And I wanna be one of those people.”

Josh stepped closer to Imani, the heat from his body engulfing her own and making her lightheaded. Like earlier his gaze remained steady on her but this time she didn’t look away. She felt her breath hitch in her throat as his brown orbs stared deep into her eyes, her soul feeling exposed.

“I wish you could see yo’self the way that I see you.”

Before Imani could respond Josh’s lips descended upon hers in another searing kiss. She pushed every thought out of her mind that screamed at her to pull away as her hands ran through his hair, her nails lightly scratching his scalp. Her mouth swallowed his deep groan as his muscular arms wrapped around her waist pulling her body flush against his. Imani whimpered softly as she felt his hardened dick pressing into her thigh, his large hands roughly grabbing her ass.

Josh quickly moved his mouth to the base of Imani’s neck his lips sucking on the space that connected her neck to her collarbone making her hiss softly.

“Talkin’ about you ain’t got no ass. What’s all this back here huh?” He asked with a grunt, squeezing harder to accentuate his question.

“Mmmm Josh,” Imani gasped as she tilted her head back to give him more room to mark. Her eyes fluttered closed, pleasure coursing through her body.

“Keep sayin my name like that I ain’t gonna be able to stop,” Josh warned.

“Who says I want you to?”

Josh pulled away from Imani holding her at arms length. “Imani look at me,” he commanded. The moment her eyes cracked open and locked with his he sucked in a sharp breath. Desire and lust sparkled in her eyes as her chest heaved up and down with every breath she took. “You sure? Cuz I ain’t tryna make you do anything you ain’t ready for.”

Imani tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth as she silently pondered Josh’s question. She couldn’t comprehend how she ended up in this position with the man she had been crushing on but here she was. Typical Imani would choose this moment to completely halt the brakes and run away. Or pull out a pen and paper to jot down the pros and cons for having sex with Josh. But for the first time in a long time she didn’t give a fuck about the consequences. She just wanted to shut her brain off and finally allow herself to do what felt right.

Imani wordlessly stepped closer to Josh and wrapped her arm around his neck. She started to press soft kisses to his throat, the coolness of his chain a sharp contrast against his burning skin. Her lips moved up and across his jawline his beard prickling her chin. She smirked against his neck as he sucked in a ragged breath while his dick continued to come alive in his shorts. His hand squeezed Imani’s ass again before slapping it causing her to whimper softly. Imani reached for the waistband of his shorts and started to push them down his legs.

Josh placed his larger free hand over Imani’s. Her eyes snapped up to his, confused. Josh shook his head.

“Nah. Tonight is all bout you birthday girl.”

Before Imani could protest, Josh grabbed the hem of the t-shirt she wore and haphazardly yanked it over her head revealing her black lace bra. He groaned loudly at the sight of her breasts threatening to spill out of the fabric. He grabbed her covered breasts and squeezed them roughly forcing her to groan before he quickly moved to unsnap the clasp in the back. Once her breasts were freed Josh pushed Imani down on the couch and climbed on top of her and buried his head in between her cleavage. He peppered kisses on her skin, his tongue creating a trail of saliva from the middle of her chest towards her breast. The second his mouth engulfed her nipple, Imani moaned loudly, her arms wrapping around his neck to hold him in place.

“Fuuuccckkk Josh,” Imani whimpered. Her heartbeat rumbled in her ears as he continued to suck and lightly bite her nipples before moving to her other breast to repeat the actions. She should’ve felt embarrassed by how easily undone she was becoming simply from him sucking her breasts but her drought made her body extremely sensitive to his touch. “Oh fuck don’t stop.”

Despite her plea, Josh raised his head a devious glint in his eye. His fingers hooked inside the waistband of her leggings and he started to pull them down.

“Trust me I could suck on yo big ass titties for hours. But there’s something else I wanna do to you. You ok with that bae?”

Anticipation bubbled in Imani’s stomach as her body moved on autopilot. She lifted her hips so he could remove the intrusive garment completely from her body. She bit her bottom lip shyly as Josh’s eyes roamed over her completely naked body.

“I knew yo ass ain’t have on no panties when I saw you walk down those steps,” Josh mumbled shaking his head with a chuckle. He glanced up at Imani, hunger sparkling in his brown eyes. “Tell me what you want Mani.”

Deciding now was not the time to be bashful, Imani silently thanked Krystle for the many times she dragged her to an early morning yoga class before they started work. Imani wordlessly raised her legs and reached between them, grabbing her ankles and contorting her body to reveal her dripping pussy to Josh.

“Eat my pussy bae.”

Josh’s eyes widened at the sight of Imani’s fully exposed pussy in front of him. The sight of her juices dripping between her folds made his chocolate brown eyes darken with passion as he carefully lowered himself to his knees in front of her. His hands softly caressed her thighs before he hooked his arms under them pulling her closer to the edge of the couch. Imani watched with bated breath as he wrapped her legs around his neck, wedging his face in between her limbs. He kissed her thighs softly, slowly moving towards her core. He smirked against her skin as she impatiently thrusted her hips towards him silently begging for him to stop teasing her. Josh looked up at Imani, admiring her half lidded eyes glazed over with lust, her full lips partially open to suck in oxygen.

“Relax baby. I got you,” Josh said with a wink.

Imani’s drawn out moan filled the room as Josh’s long tongue snaked out of his mouth and licked the juices between her lips before dragging upward and landing on her clit.

“Oh fuck!” Imani cried out. Her hips thrust upward at the feeling of Josh’s tongue on her pussy as she clenched her eyes closed. His strong arms forced her hips back down as he completely buried his face between her legs, his mouth enclosing around her clit and sucking on it. Sweat gathered on Imani’s chest as Josh began to devour her pussy. It was everything she had dreamed it to be. His mouth was sinful but heavenly at the same time. His movements were erratic but methodical. It was as if somebody had gave him a road map to her pussy that he studied to create the perfect course of action to make her lose her fuckin mind.

“Damn this pussy sweeter than I thought it would be,” Josh mumbled after he released Imani’s clit from his mouth. He pulled her labia into his mouth and sucked on it making Imani’s moans increase in volume. He released her lip with a loud and appalling plopping noise before directing his attention to her other lip repeating the actions, softly nibbling on the flesh.

Imani’s breathing grew shallow as Josh’s tongue swirled around in her juices that continuously descended in a rainfall motion before he slipped it inside her quivering hole. The calloused fingertip of his index finger found her clit and started to rub it in a circular motion, the pressure from the pad of his finger just right.

“Ah fuck fuck fuck,” Imani chanted as Josh removed his tongue from inside her. He quickly replaced it with the index and middle finger of his free hand, the two digits moving in a scissoring motion. Her walls gripped his fingers tightly and he started to thrust them back and forth.

“Yeah go ahead and fuck Daddy fingers just like that,” Josh encouraged with a smirk. He felt his dick throbbing in his shorts as he watched her body beginning to stiffen with tension, his keen sense telling him Imani was close to shattering. “Can’t wait to get up in this fuckin pussy Mani. Fuck the shit out yo sexy ass. How that sound bae?”

Imani nodded her head mindlessly before Josh dived back between her legs his tongue attacking her pussy with sucks and licks. Her upper torso rose from the couch as she felt a tingling sensation in her legs. Her ass cheeks clenched together as her hips started to raise uncontrollably. “Ah shit Josh I-I-”

“You about to cum baby? Don’t hold back. Go ahead and cum right on Daddy face.”

“Fuck Josh!” Imani cried out as her orgasm rammed into her at lighting speed. Her toes curled forward as juices drizzled from her pussy into Josh’s awaiting mouth. Imani’s body flailed around on the couch as she tried to pull away from Josh as he continued to suck on her clit extending her orgasm. But he was too powerful and her resistance was in vain as he kept her right where he wanted her, forcing her to endure the pleasure that was racking her body. She continued to mewl his name as her orgasm started to subside, her body unfurling and heart rate slowly decreasing.

“Open your eyes baby.”

Imani slowly cracked open her light brown eyes locking onto Josh’s glistening orbs. His lips coated in Imani’s essence spread into a sexy smile and if she wasn’t so worn out she would’ve had another orgasm just staring at him.

“You so sexy when you scream my name.”

Imani rolled her eyes playfully as she flipped Josh off with a giggle. He unwrapped her legs from his neck and placed her feet on the floor. With as much strength as she could muster, Imani sat up and gently grabbed Josh by his chain and pulled him to her. She captured his lips in a kiss. Josh groaned as he thrust his tongue inside Imani’s mouth allowing her to taste herself before he wrapped his hand around her ponytail and tugged.

“Now if you two are finally done down there can yall keep it down? Some of us gotta be up early tomorrow you know!” Krystle yelled from upstairs.

Imani and Josh jerked away from one another, their eyes widened in shock. They shared another look before they broke out into laughter as their cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Josh grabbed the t-shirt Imani wore earlier and handed it to her. Once she pulled it over her head, he pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they started walking towards the stairs.

Josh placed a kiss on her temple. “Don’t worry about they ass bae. Consider it payback for them keeping you up earlier,” he said causing Imani to laugh as they made their way to the guest room.

Tag List: @krysxtotheo @lisayourworries @amandairene88 @whatdoeseverybodywant @vebner37 @sayyestoheav3nn

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