#(I AM however Finally Posting About It)

[tomfrogisblue]

I have finally finished O Segredo Na Floresta.

I have cried more than I thought possible.

And I fear I shall never be the same.

[avirael]

The Frozen Lake

It was the third day since he had stopped feeling like dying.

About a week ago he had woken up from his far too lifelike fever dream and a few days later the last spikes of the fever itself had been gone too just like the hallucinations it had brought in his sleep.

He still had been sick though and welcomed Rael telling him to stay in bed until he was perfectly healthy again all too eagerly.

While he still sneezed every now and then, it was at least tolerable now, still annoying but he didn’t feel incredibly uncomfortable anymore.

That day, just like the last and also the ones before that, he had awoken late. Against Rael’s order to stay in bed he had found the courage to get up and take a look out of the window. It was a sunny day, which in Coerthas still meant that it was bitterly cold though. But the sun was shining brightly and already high in the sky too which meant it had to be almost midday. He had slept way too long again, way to many hours for a surprisingly dreamless sleep. Or maybe it was exactly the lack of dreams that allowed him to finally rest, after all in the past there rarely had been good ones…

For a moment he considered to go downstairs and ask for a late breakfast if that wasn’t too insolent given the late hour but then a knock sounded from the door.

Quickly he hurried back to bed, just in case it was Rael, but the person who carefully peeked into the room a few seconds later wasn’t a viera.

“Ah, you are awake! That’s good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and brought a small tray with hot soup and also something warm to drink. “It is so late already, you must be horribly hungry. Alphinaud checked in on you earlier but you were still fast asleep and he didn’t have the heart to wake you.”

A little uncertain on how to answer to that, A’viloh just nodded. Haurchefant grinned, put down a mug on the bedside table and handed A‘viloh a comfortingly warm bowl filled with some rather delicious smelling stew.

Instead of fetching the chair from the small desk by the window, Haurchefant sat down at the lower end of the bed balancing the tray with his own lunch on his knees. Rael once told him that ishgardian society had an absurd amount of strict and antiquated rules and so A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder, that although it seemed like a very appropriate distance to him, in Haurchefant’s hometown the fact alone that he dared to sit on someone else’s bed was probably scandalous.

“I hope you don’t mind me having lunch with you.”, the Elezen asked as he noticed A‘viloh staring.

Quickly the Miqo’te lowered his gaze to his bowl of soup. “Not at all.”, he muttered and tried a spoonful of the food just to change the topic. “Mhh, this is very good!”, he mumbled, still chewing, surprised by how good this really was compared to the bland food and bitter teas Rael had usually brought him these last few days. It must have been the Viera’s way of punishing him for running away.

Haurchefant laughed and then for a while they ate in silence.

“You look a lot healthier already.”, the Elezen stated after a while with an amiable smile on his face before taking a sip from his mug.

A‘viloh shrugged a little embarrassed, since it had been his own fault that he hadn’t been well in the first place. “Only because all of you took so good care of me.”

Haurchefant nodded. “You know, you had us all horribly worried right?”

“Sorry about that.”, he said and guitily looked into his mug.

Curiously Haurchefant eyed him for a moment. “Why did you do that anyway? Run out into the storm.”

A bit surprised A’viloh looked up. Had they all thought he had done this on purpose? “There wasn’t a storm when I left! What do I know about weather? I didn’t expect it to start snowing, let alone that much!”

That made the Elezen chuckle again but he still looked at him expecting an answer.

“Still… why did you leave?”

“I assumed Rael told you…”, A’viloh replied not sure what Haurchefant wanted to hear exactly. He nodded. “Rael did. But maybe I want to hear it from you…”

A’viloh sighed. His plan hadn’t been very smart and he felt a little uncomfortable having to explain his reasons to someone else, when in retrospect it didn’t make much sense even to his own ears.

“You know the… circumstances under which we fled Ul’dah… I couldn’t… um… the fact that we didn’t even know what happened to our friends… I wanted to find out, because it doesn’t seem fair to me that we escaped while all of them didn’t…”

“Mhh…”, Haurchefant nodded thoughtfully but let go off the topic for now. Instead he asked, „And how are you feeling today?”

Somehow that question confused A’viloh even more.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a simple question, isn’t it?”, he said still smiling politely.

Of course it was a simple question. Just the answer felt unreasonable complicated to him. To make things even more difficult people who asked such a question usually wanted to hear “I‘m fine, and you?” or “Very good, thank you.” for an answer and rarely the truth. They certainly didn’t want to hear “A few days ago I was convinced I was going to die and honestly it wasn’t that bad, so now I‘m still not sure wether I am happy to still be alive or not”.

“Alright… I guess.”, he mumbled instead. He had never been a good liar and could only hope that this fact wasn’t too obvious for the Elezen.

“You know what?”, Haurchefant proclaimed after watching him thoughtfully for a second. “Today is a wonderful day. We should go for a walk.”

“A walk?!”, A’viloh exclaimed wide-eyed, as if he had just asked something unreasonable of him.

“Why not?”

A’viloh couldn’t think of a good reason why not, other than that he was supposed to stay in bed, so he shrugged.

“Where’s Rael?”, he asked instead.

Haurchefant smirked. “Do you need Rael’s permission to go outside?”

“Of course not.”, the Miqo’te protested. “But Rael will be mad if I run off again, especially against their orders to stay in bed.”

“Rael and Alphinaud went to the observatory earlier.”, Haurchefant explained. “We’ll be back before they are, I promise.”

What was A’viloh supposed to say against that and also against the expectant look on the Elezen’s face. He took another glimpse towards the window and decided that it looked nice enough to go outside.

“Fine.”

“Good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and collected their empty bowls and mugs. “There should be warm clothes for you in the wardrobe. If you need anything else just ask someone. I’ll wait for you by the northern gate.”

After Haurchefant had left, A’viloh remained sitting in his bed for a moment longer contemplating on the Elezen’s question. Yes, he felt better again. But better in what comparison? Better than a few days ago when he had felt and also been half-dead? Though he didn’t feel sick anymore now, there still was a weigh on his heart. From his plan that had failed so spectacularly and even more so from the dreams he wouldn’t have minded to keep on dreaming forever.

Vehemently he shook his head and decided not to think about that now or he would just crawl back under the blanket of his comfortably warm bed again. Instead he got up and took a look into the wardrobe. Almost none of these were his own clothes of course since all he possessed were the ones he had worn on his body that day they fled Ul’dah. Very unsuitable for this climate. But neither did he see the borrowed clothes he had worn that night when he had tried to run away. Everything in here looked even softer and warmer like someone had wanted to make sure he was feeling comfortable. To his surprise the things didn’t look that much too big for him either, unlike his last set of clothes. Besides a few Hyur most people here at Camp Dragonhead were grown up Elezen but these clothes looked like they belonged to neither. Maybe it were clothes for Elezen children, he wondered and also thought that in that case someone must have brought them here just for him.

Grateful for so much effort he picked a few pieces and got dressed. Lazily he ran his fingers through his hair to get rid of the worst knots but the look into the small mirror at the washbasin, where his tired face stared back at him reproachfully, just made him sigh. Once he was ready he took the warm coat out of the wardrobe too and went out to look for Haurchefant. Just as he had said, the Elezen was standing by the gate that led to the north-east, towards the ruins of the Steel Vigil.

From afar Haurchefant already recognised the Miqo’te, his bright red hair a singularity among all the people living here. Pleasantly smiling as always he waved at him and A’viloh couldn’t help but smile a little too and wave back as he hurriedly walked towards him.

“There you are! I see the clothes fit you nicely.”

A’viloh nodded.

“They do. Thank you very much for these.”

Haurchefant dismissively waved with one hand. “It’s the least I could do…”

But he had done a lot more than that, A’viloh thought. “I think there’s more I need to thank you for. Rael told me it was you who saved my life.”

“Mhhh…”, Haurchefant tilted his head as if he wasn’t sure if this statement was entirely the truth. “Rael is too humble. They played a bit of a role in that too. After all it was Rael who noticed you were gone. And it was also Rael who didn’t leave your bedside and tried their best to heal you.”

A’viloh remembered waking up and finding the usually quite touch-averse viera cuddled up to him with a look on their face so horribly sad like he had never seen on them before. Rael had pretended it was nothing but it had been a very unconvincing performance. Asked about it Alphinaud had only offered a few sentences about how worried Rael had looked and how they had used all kinds of spells he himself had never seen or heard of before, all of it to try and save him. It had made him feel even more guilty for his stupidity.

So maybe Haurchefant was right. But still it had been him who had risked going out into the storm to find him.

“Anyway. I still want to thank you! Honestly.”, he insisted. But how honestly was it really?

Sure, he was glad to still be alive. After all his plan hadn’t been to run out into a blizzard and freeze to death, although some of them seemed to think that was the case. But once he found himself in this situation he had to admit that he had welcomed his fate rather willingly. A fact that shocked even himself a little looking back at it now.

“You’re welcome. After all you wouldn’t be any help to your friends frozen to death out there.”, Haurchefant joked with a wry smile on his lips.

“I guess not...”, A’viloh muttered, the topic of his friends making his mood visibly sink again.

Of course the Elezen noticed and his smile turned into a playful grin. “But I acted a little selfish too, you know? I think Camp Dragonhead is a lot friendlier with your company and I would like to have you and your pretty smile around a little longer.”

For a moment A’viloh’s eyes shot up to look at the others face before he quickly pretended that something somewhere a little bit to his left was a lot more interesting. Sometimes Haurchefant randomly said things, A’viloh hadn’t had the slightest idea how to react to. Not because he was that oblivious but simply because it puzzled him. Nonetheless the air suddenly didn’t feel that cold anymore on his face.

Haurchefant was always very kind to him. Well, he mostly was kind to everybody but sometimes he seemed to admire him especially. Him of all people, although there was nothing special about him. Haurchefant sometimes spoke of him like he was one of the greatest heroes of all time and it felt so ridiculous to him. He was just silly, cowardly A‘viloh! What had he ever achieved in his miserable life to justify such admiration? The people called him a Warrior of Light but wasn’t that some grand overstatement? Some days he thought all of this had been a horrible mistake. A great misunderstanding! Then he wondered how he had ever gotten entangled in this madness in the first place and also if he ever would get out of it again. But what else should he do with his life anyway...

While A’viloh’s brain still screeched in desperate search for a proper response, Haurchefant seemed to realise he had flustered him and glossed it over by gesturing to the gate.

“How about we walk a few yalms? There’s something you need to see!”

Still too dumbstruck to speak or to even wonder what the Elezen was talking about, A’viloh nodded and then proceeded to follow him out into the snowy landscape.

After a few minutes Haurchefant paused and took a deep breath. “Isn’t the air wonderful today?”

A’viloh followed his example, breathed deeply and let his gaze wander over the snow covered landscape with a few pines here and there and the mountains and ruins of the Steel Vigil in the distance. The air was cool and fresh, still cold enough that the warm sun couldn’t melt the snow. Instead the rays of sunshine made the scenery shine and sparkle as if everything was covered not in ice but in millions over millions of tiny diamonds.

“It is.”, he answered and smiled, surprised how beautiful this inhospitable landscape could be, before with a sudden spark of curiosity he finally asked. “Where are we going?”

“It’s not far anymore.”, Haurchefant said with a grin on his face and pointed into another direction. Shortly after and only a bit further ahead they reached a small lake.

As they got closer A‘viloh noticed that it not only was covered in a layer of snow and ice but also that quite a few off-duty soldiers, given the proximity to the camp he assumed they had to be, were standing right on top of the frozen lake. No, they were not quite standing. It looked more like they were dancing or flying maybe. More or less gracefully they moved over the lake‘s surface in fluid swift strides, some just moving in wide circles and other swirling around this way or that. A’viloh had never seen something like this and it looked strange and impossible but at the same time very beautiful to him.

The two of them had almost reached the lake by then, A’viloh a few steps ahead to get a better look at the wondrous people on the ice and he already wanted to ask how they did that, when his attention was drawn elsewhere by a curious squawking sound.

“Oh! Look at them!”, the Miqo’te exclaimed, his fascinated smile still turning a little brighter, as he gestured to a small flock of wild geese resting at the shore of the lake. With ruffled feathers they sat closely huddled together at the edge of the ice and suddenly A‘viloh couldn’t help but worry about them. They looked so unbothered by his presence, sleeping through the day and all the hubbub around them, looking all exhausted and frozen with their puffed up feathers. Like anything could happen to them and they wouldn’t even mind.

Strangely he wondered what he himself had looked like when Haurchefant had found him unconscious in the snow. He must have been a pitiful sight. Had the Elezen thought him beyond saving too, just like he himself had. What if he had found him a little later or not at all? Maybe that would have been better, a voice murmured to him just like it had so many times before and for a moment, tempted by the grief heavy on his heart once again, he almost believed it.

But no, he would be dead then and while he would have liked to imagine that this would mean he could be with his loved ones again, it was not exactly what either of the tribes he had lived with believed.

Vaguely he remembered his father working for hours, digging a grave at what used to be Wellwick Wood. An elderly woman too exhausted by their long journey, his grandmother if he remembered correctly, had died shortly after they had arrived there. With a sad smile on his face his father had explained to his children, who had stared down into the hole in the ground with confusion in their eyes, how by returning her body to the earth there could still grow new life from this death.

Or the drake tribe of the Sagolii Desert, who always burned their dead and left the ashes to be carried away by the desert wind, believing that it would make it easier for the deceased‘s aether to return to the Aetheric Sea and create something new elsewhere.

With a sudden sharp pain in his heart A’viloh realised that neither of the people he loved had gotten the burial they would have wanted for themselves. And neither had A‘viloh himself wanted to die in the coldness of Coerthas and be forever forgotten under a thick layer of snow and ice. He had thought about dying before but never had he been this close to it. For a second he wondered if this was something worth speaking to Rael about, but he wasn’t sure they wouldn’t misunderstand and get mad at him again.

“Why do you make such a sad face now?”, Haurchefant asked having noticed the smile slip from the Miqo’te’s face. But A’viloh just vehemently shook his head and focused on the geese again.

“They must be horribly cold.”, he wondered in a voice that suggested he already planned to take all of them to the safety of his comfortably warm room.

Haurchefant chuckled. “Don’t worry, they survived the storm out here after all. They keep each other warm, that’s why you‘ll rarely see one of them alone. A bit like you and your friends.”

“Maybe…”, A’viloh answered thinking about this comparison for a moment. “I just wish it wouldn’t always be me who needs to be taken care of. But as proven in Ul’dah and now once again I am simply too weak and useless to keep myself alive, not to mention anyone else.”

The Elezen’s face got a little stern as he folded his arms in front of his chest. “Don’t say that, I am sure it’s not true! This was just bad luck! You are neither weak nor useless!”

A’viloh shrugged. “But that’s how I feel right now...”

Slowly Haurchefant nodded before speaking again with a silent but determined voice. “Listen. I‘ll never forget how bravely you fought for Francel although you barely knew him. You could have gotten yourself in trouble with that and you helped him anyway.”

“It’s not like I did that on my own -”, A’viloh tried to protest but was immediately interrupted. “But you still helped! And I’m sure even without Rael you would have done so!”

Another shrug was all Haurchefant got in response, so the Elezen thought for a second before making an offer. “You want to make yourself useful, right? Get stronger? I could teach you how to fight like a real ishgardian knight, with sword and shield. Or we have some dragoons at Camp Dragonhead too! I’m sure there’s a lot you could learn from them.”

A‘viloh‘s face turned to disbelief. “I really don’t think I could fight with armor and weapons this heavy…”

“You can’t say so if you don’t try! And I have you know that dragoon armors are surprisingly light. How do you think they could still be this agile otherwise? Promise me to at least try training with them a little!”

He didn’t really want to agree to that. He knew he would make a fool of himself. But how could he say no with Haurchefant trying everything in his power to cheer him up. Weakly he shook his head and muttered: “Fine…”

“Perfect!”, Haurchefant exclaimed with a bright smile on his face. “I think an early reward for your efforts is appropriate then!”

Confused A’viloh watched him take a small bag off of his shoulders, which he hadn’t even noticed until now. For a moment the Elezen was busy undoing a knot before he opened the bag and presented to A‘viloh a set of two weirdly shaped blades attached to pieces of wood with leather straps. He had no idea what these constructs were meant to do and that was plainly visible on his face. “What’s that?”

“Ice skates of course!”, Haurchefant said as if that would explain it all but the Miqo’te‘s face remained clueless, so Haurchefant gestured to the lake behind them. “You attach them to your boots so you can walk on the ice like this!”

“Oh!”, A’viloh exclaimed as he understood what Haurchefant was planning. “I don’t think-… I mean I‘ve never-… You don’t really want me to step on that lake do you?” The idea somehow scared him.

“Why not?”, Haurchefant asked for the second time today with this smile that made the question sound like a challenge.

“It’s just a bit of ice!”, A‘vi objected. “What if it breaks?”

The Elezen shook his head and proceeded to fasten the metal blades beneath his boots. “Ah, don’t worry. The ice is thick enough, it will take at least a few more days to melt.”

“I don’t know…”, was all A’viloh replied as Haurchefant pressed another pair of skates into his hands. But the Elezen remained determined and took a few wobbly steps through the snow and onto the ice. “See! I can stand on it and it doesn’t break! You are a lot lighter than me, so why wouldn’t you be able to?”

Oh, you don’t know my bad luck!, A‘viloh thought but Haurchefant didn’t look like he would take that for an excuse. Instead he stretched out a hand towards the Miqo’te. “Come one! Believe me, this is going to be funny!”

For a second A‘viloh pondered his options. The idea of nothing but a little bit of ice between him and the water still terrified him but Haurchefant seemed so excited about this and the other people actually seemed to have fun too. Maybe he should at least pretend to try... Reluctantly he sat down on a rock and tried to put on the skates just like Haurchefant had done a moment ago.

“The clasp on the back too. Make sure none of them are loose… Yes, that looks fine!”, Haurchefant helpfully explained. As A’viloh got up, he almost flopped right back down into the snow. It was a weird feeling to balance his whole weight on only two thin pieces of metal. As he carefully took the first few steps towards the lake Haurchefant reached out for him once more. “Here! Take my hand! I don’t want you to fall…”

Hesitantly A‘vi stepped onto the ice and immediately felt like the ground was being pulled away beneath his feet. He struggled for balance, feeling himself falling backwards, so Haurchefants arm was a very welcome thing to hold on to.

With a chuckle the Elezen tried to loosen A‘vi‘s desperate grip on his arm and instead took each of his hand in one of his own before carefully making slow steps backwards pulling A‘viloh over the ice, which A’vi could swear was making suspicious crackling sounds below them. There was no way to tell the blades beneath his feet not to move, so all A’viloh could do was try not to fall and plead to Haurchefant with ears flat on his head and panic in his eyes, as he slowly was pulled further onto the lake. “No, no, no. Take me back, that’s a horrible idea!”

“Calm down. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I promise.”, Haurchefant said soothingly and continued to explain to him how to move on the ice skates. And in fact the Elezen’s calm voice slowly made A’viloh feel less anxious. His hands, frantically clasping at Haurchefant’s, relaxed along with his legs. It was still a weird feeling to be standing on the ice but now it felt a lot easier to remain balanced. He glanced at the people around them while remaining as still as possible, studied their movements for a moment and then tentatively tried to mimic the way they slowly pushed their feet above the slippery surface. To his surprise he really moved forward without much effort and also without feeling the sensation of falling again, closer to Haurchefant who had steadied him with his outstretched arms so far.

“See! It’s not that difficult.”, he said while making another step backwards so A’viloh had to follow with another step forward. The Miqo’te, strangely excited about the fact that he was actually moving on these weird ice-blades, laughed happily. “You are even going backwards!”

Haurchefants laughed. “One step after the other. Let’s teach you how to go forward first, hm? I‘ll let go off one of your hands but don’t worry, I still got you. One feet after the other just like you did before…”

In fact it almost felt easier now that he could use one of his arms to balance himself. Very slowly at first they floated above the icy surface of the lake but soon A‘viloh got braver. Once he almost lost his balance but for a comparably tall and strong person like Haurchefant it seemed like a very easy task to keep a small Miqo’te on his feet. Almost falling had felt like a shock for a second but only moments later they were laughing about it and in the end A’viloh was surprised and also a little proud how quickly he had learned and how much fun this was.

He wasn’t sure how much time they spent there on the frozen lake but at some point a bell sounded from the nearby Camp. Startled A’viloh looked up (and almost lost his balance again). “How late is it? I’m sure you have more important things to do than this! I’m sorry if I’m keeping you from doing your work.”

But Haurchefant just laughed and teased, “What could be more important than prove to you that not all of Coerthas is a deadly wasteland trying to kill you? But I think we really should return soon. I don’t want you to get cold again and after all we also don’t want Rael to find out about this little excursion, do we?”

For a second A’viloh wished the viera could see him now and wondered what their reaction would be like. The thought made him chuckle.

And as they floated, one last circle around the lake, A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder that maybe it was happy moments like this. The reason he was still here. Moments that made his life worth living.

---

inspired by the poem The Reversal by Leila Chatti

[crazymecjc]

shuake week day 5 - fantasy au

[hylianengineer]

I mostly like living with other people but if they don't stop stealing my food I will explode.

The worst part is that no one will admit to it, but there are only so many people who have access to our fridge. We've also had stuff mysteriously appear in there that no one will admit to putting there. I almost wonder if my roommate's friends she invites over sometimes are to blame, because surely she wouldn't lie to me about this? And she doesn't have much of a motive to lie about who the moldy tupperware belongs to, considering we've all made that mistake and no one gets mad about it.

I'd just really like my food to stop disappearing, okay? It's always the good, expensive food too. Regular food thievery is bad enough, but stealing food from someone with food restrictions who A) can't easily get more and B) has to pay three times as much for food as everyone else? Really fucking uncool.

Yes, I know the mature responsible thing to do about this is have an actual conversation with my roommate. But I'm not going to do that, I'm going to continue quietly seething.

[magentagalaxies]

girl help how do i prioritize (not actually asking for advice just ranting). i have a performance tomorrow that's technically part of my final but also the Events of the last week on campus it's technically optional. but that being said i really want to be memorized for that performance and put the time in to make it really good bc even if it isn't graded it's still an opportunity for me to test out new aubrey material (and i'm definitely gonna film it and send it to bellini). i have to turn in a "final" for my independent study which is just my way to get credit for the buddy cole doc, but that final is editing a ten minute piece out of my tour footage and because of the Events i think i will get more grace if it's not a great edit but i need to turn something in by wednesday. i have a final for my history class that's just a presentation and i've already made the powerpoint and researched so i'm confident i can improvise (it's fairly low stakes) BUT i still have to do a quiz for my history class that was due last week but i somehow missed and i haven't been able to get to it bc stressed about finals and also the Events but since it was assigned before the Events i don't think i'll get the same grace as post-Events assignments, and this quiz is worth like 10% of my grade so i need to turn something in like even tho i currently have an A in that class and Cs get degrees i still don't know what grade i'll get on my final so better safe than get a zero on the quiz but i have no motivation since it's not a final like the rest of my stuff (even if the aubrey thing is lowkey not graded??? even before the Events that class had a unique grading system so i already know i've got an A in that class regardless this is just like an optional showcase). and i also have a zoom with bruce tomorrow for the buddy cole doc which i'm very excited for but also will have to plan around the amount of hours in the day i have left to get things done lmao

anyway it's wild being in finals week bc half of me is like "i just wanna go hoooome alreadyyyy" but the other half is like "holy fuck there is too much to do i need an extra week to get it all done"

but anyway less than a week from today i'm gonna be done with my penultimate semester of college (graduating in december!!!) and i have literally zero plans for the months of may and june rn so like. i know i'm going to get incredibly bored super quickly but like one of my favorite inspirational quotes is that tumblr post that was like "in two weeks you will have different problems" and yeah that sure is true

[thaliagrayce]

so my best friend and i like putting characters into silly situations. we take characters from a story that we both enjoy and plop them into a different plot or world and figure out how that changes everything.

i have also been reading my best friend tgcf almost nightly for the past few months. (she's enjoying it quite a bit :) ) we just caught up to where the official printed english translation ended, which was the very end of Book 4.

yesterday, i asked her what the tgcf characters would look like in the star wars universe, bc she's also watching the clone wars right now. we decided hua cheng would probs be a mob boss and xie lian would be an ex-jedi who was kicked out of the order for some reason. i made some joke about bai wuxiang being the emperor, because he's obviously the sith lord trying to coax xie lian onto his side.

after a few jokes, she said "i don't think he'd be the emperor, though. bai wuxiang doesn't seem like the kind of person to hide himself like that. yes to the sith lord part, but i think he's too prideful to hide like that."

i have never been more grateful for having a passable poker face. holy shit. too prideful to hide indeed.

[lusalemaart]

[hexcitrine]

randomly looked at this account to update my age and holy shit it's been a while since i posted here..........i have a small pile of art i have yet to post but hbhbshdbshbd too lazy

[fantasticalleigh]

thoughts about the new rey movie and people’s reactions to the announcement

i was gonna reblog a post about this and just slide my opinion in the tags but it’s getting to be an essay so i think it warrants its own post

i’m not trying to attack anybody with this but this has been rampant since the announcement and i have thoughts:

i understand and share in the opinion that ben solo is a wasted character and that he (and TROS and the sequel trilogy in general) was severely mishandled, and i would not be sorry to see more of him. adam was one of the best things about this new trilogy. i was hardly a star wars fan until the day i went to see TFA on opening day. that experience was something i’ll never forget and i fell in love with kylo/ben and rey from the second they both appeared on screen during their respective intros. without them i don’t think i would enjoy SW the way i do now.

i’m so happy for daisy to have this new opportunity to continue rey’s story. She deserves it.

And before you chime in--yes, Ben deserves for his story to be continued, too. No one’s ever really gone, and all that. if he comes back i will be screaming on the way to the theaters with the rest of you.

but i have seen so many people state outright since the announcement that they refuse to watch the movie if ben isn’t coming back.

i understand that sentiment, i do--none of us want to get burned again TROS-style. we want to see the dyad together and alive and happy. we want lucasfilms to get a friggin grip and just--DO BETTER.

and remember, this is my opinion, but it rubs me the wrong way when people say they won’t watch the movie without ben (and i’ve seen it said over and over and over both here and on instagram) because it’s sort of implying that rey has no value without ben, like she is not interesting enough on her own.

now i don’t actually believe that’s what people mean when they say that (at least, not everybody) but that’s the feeling i get from it. i love rey and ben equally and so i’ll take any new content with them in it, even if they aren’t together. will it hurt? will it be bittersweet? yeah. but imagine if the new rey movie gets a really low turnout and then disney execs look at the numbers and go ‘hmm--let’s not do that again’ and then a new possible trilogy is cancelled or any chance we get of maybe a dyad reunion is also gone. bc we all know the mouse listens to money above all.

i love rey. i think she’s a great character who has just as much potential as ben and i can’t wait to see what she can do in a film where she’s top billing (until they throw in a mark hamill cameo because we all know he’ll be in it to some degree) but my point still stands. and daisy is a great actress who brought such depth to rey that i’m so excited to see her return and i can’t wait to see her as rey again.

do i still have a tiny bit of hope that it will be better this time and that ben will return? yes. i’m not gonna lie about it. this clown makeup is tattooed on. but it’s a cautious hope and i’m trying not to feed too much into it, because the reality is that it’s rey who’s back and i love her so i’m going to support her because i think she’s interesting and compelling on her own, just as she was in TFA before she ever met Kylo/Ben.

[my-chemcial-romance]

Very proud of my bf for getting a vasectomy. Not because I have asked him to, he's been thinking of getting it for years and I 100% support him. His body his choice baby!!!

[seithr]

rl chatterin in tags, dont worry about it just feel like talking about recent stuff. for those who dont care look at this birdthang i won on xiv then. my silly big bird..

[izzyizumi]

"Wow, you've been venting a lot about D02 Fan base Issues lately, I wonder what happened???"

"Well you see ever since post-Kizuna dropped, which is extremely suspicious TIMING in itself..." (While DigiAdv 2020 was also airing BUT.....)

In the last section of caps, when I proceeded to politely (hyper-formally) request this person stop harassing me by spamming me with multiple rude comments early in the morning when I wasn't even AWAKE to answer, and mentioned I was away because I was observing Shabbat (noting to them politely what it was), they proceeded to flip out, "turn" on me and start accusing me of "betraying" the pair. "Okay I beyond messed up" was their failed ""attempt"" at an blatantly insincere apology (they since continued to spam/harass a handful more times) and acknowledging they WERE HARASSING ME.

Except here's the thing. a. The Taishiro tag, by all means, is still for a rare pair ship. b. I am very aware of which fans follow me for my O.T.P. and actively post about it and who doesn't (including people who have lurked before). c. When the harassment started up I reached out to multiple other Taishiro fans (and people aware of the ship fan base being active) actively posting at the time and we were keeping aware of the situation in case they went about to target others. d. THIS PERSON WAS NOT AND NEVER A "FAMILIAR FACE" HERE / IN KOUTAI OR ADV+02 TAGS and posted fully and competely mainly on Anon (before "de-anon"ng using multiple account names; this was just before A.O.3 introduced comment blocking as a feature almost immediately after I began contacting them about it.) e. The timing of this is STILL highly suspicious to me considering the harassment mainly began in 2k20:

What was happening in Oct. 2k20 (aside from it also being my bday month, which was fantastic timing to harass someone??)

It was around the ending of DigiAdv 2020 Ep 18, when a lot of long-time fans would have returned to (if briefly) see the end of the Devimon arc involved, including past long-time Stans who dropped off partly keeping up with "canon" post-Tri (also especially if they hated ALL said new canon since...)

Kizuna was already out, but hadn't debuted in some countries (however, long-term Adv-02 fans were pretty aware of Kizuna developments due to notable leaks) and a lot of Stans also came back to actively "talk" / rant about Kizuna and the ""timeline"" since.

The person started out using a handle referring to a well-known N.S.F.W trope that I have absolutely 0 interest ever engaging with, and they likely knew that I might be semi-aware of it if just due to its sheer popularity. This was the first clear "hint" something was immediately wrong with the persons' commenting style, but I humored them at first by responding seriously and politely, giving a simple answer to the question ("plrease read all author's notes and tags clearly before reading".)

They since moved on to create multiple accounts and handles to spam / harass me ("Tales" might have been a reference to "Tales of" fan base, which I'm not involved in but was also suspicious in itself), pretending to be ""different"" people each time but using the exact same speech patterns / ~~accusations~~ and basically failing massively at "obscuring" / hiding themselves, almost to the point all of this was INTENTIONAL. (Also failed at making me take them seriously once I realized their intent to spam.)

The second (literally right the nights when I posted it, showing they actively WATCHED ADV-02 SECTIONS) I introduced more Daisuke into the storyline, (I had already finished the thing a bit earlier on, it just wasn't on A.O.3 yet...) they "turned" and "flipped" on me, "pretending" like they actively hated him and disregarded him, but my suspicions are really high that this was all an ACT. Because THE HARASSMENT DID NOT RAMP UP AS MUCH UNTIL I BEGAN "TOUCHING" DAISUKE / USING HIM IN MY THINGS AT ALL. (Very Suspicious)

I have seen similar long-term behavior from certain 02 Stans in this fan base who act like they have ownership over Daisuke head-canons and interpretations or something... including from a former person-I-briefly-interacted-with who used to (and STILL, as recently as the last weeks, though I won't name names but...) often acts really possessive over him and their interpretations. (You know, there's no rhyme or reason for why these kinds of things happen, right???) I long since hard-blocked the person on all DigiAdvs related accounts over it.

^ The conclusion made by A.O.3. was that it WAS harassment.

So, I'm just saying.

But you know what pissed me off the MOST? (MORE THAN THE FACT I WAS BEING ACTIVELY HARASSED AND SPAMMED ABOUT MY O.T.P WORKS AND FAVS?)

When I very formally informed this person (during the time they attempted fake-"politeness"/creepy fake "praise") I was (mentally) away noting Shabbat during the time they sent like 6 harassing comments in a morning, they proceeded to make the "turn", accusing me of multiple times (since) of being a "traitor" and INSULTING SHABBAT TO MY FACE AND ACTING LIKE THEY DIDN'T KNOW / ""GET"" WHO JEWS ARE, EVEN WHEN I SPECIFIED IT WAS A HOLIDAY.

Which IS ANTISEMITISM. Regardless of any fan base involved things it's to the point of antisemitic hate speech and religious harassment. I'm not even sorry to point it out but it IS.

{I finally let them know I was aware of the kind of spam tactics they were using against me. They proceeded to say this and continue acting "clueless" about what they were doing, while also half acknowledging it all the same} (Like seriously????) Anyway, if you (anyone posting in Adv or 02 sections, especially Koushiro or Daisuke involved fic!) ever get harassing spam comments from any of these user-names, REPORT THEM TO A.O.3.

I also don't mean to ~~call out~~ another "response", but...

When I brought these concerns up with people who I suspected may be involved in the (or possibly aware of similar) active harassment but was INITIALLY genuinely giving the benefit of the doubt, I intentionally left out about half of the comments since A.O.3 was still handling the case. One of the people I asked about if they were aware of such things actively going on in 02 sections commented very oddly and almost vaguely to me

"Maybe they're using an A.I. generator? They're getting more advanced {with text} (!!!!!) these days." (Summarized response)

A response I still find highly suspicious to this day.

Because this was blatantly NOT the work of an A.I. This person KNEW which characters they were talking about (despite trying to make it seem like they were "clueless" or "~~couldn't read~~" the MASSIVE amount of author's notes and summary and tags I left all over the fics and making a blatant show of "not actually reading" / absorbing it).

Also, in between, they NOTICED(!!!) immediately when I began up-loading my old A.M.V.s to other non-DigiAdvs sections(!!!) and began spamming those comment sections TOO (all with the same type of comments). (I did NOT give these any attention or response at the time)

So I'm Just Saying. Yeah?

This is unacceptable.

{Mocking Shabbat after I got after them for spamming me.}

So yeah, to anyone who MAY have been involved in this?:

(Kizuna spoilers!Koushiro moment Commence):

I'm still NOT amused.

(DO NOT copy or re-post my gif.)

It's been just about a year since the harassment-spam began last year (to eventually be squashed by A.O.3). All I'm saying is, yeah I'm still ticked and there were reasons why I wasn't actively posting other works, including for other not-O.T.P things...

(While it may change {with my postings} with the coming year I'm not going to deny that I'm not still majorly pissed off at the sequence of events at all.)

[palukoo]

okay I am interrupting my gonch posting to say. wtf dead to me that was the worst possible ending like. I quite literally could not have come up with an ending that bad what the hell

[nordicbananas]

journaling has been going pretty well so far :)

[bbasmati-rice]

okay opinions time.

so i love the new sonic frontiers update. yes its hard as fuck, yes i wanted to give up multiple times, yes i even said it was impossible in the Master King Trial. But despite all of that, it was fun.

It gave me a huge sense of accomplishment when I beat the Master King Trial AND the new End fight that I cried out of joy and stress when I beat both of them! I was so happy that I didn't give up, and ended up just sleeping on it whenever I felt like I was getting angry.

It also gave me a chance to connect with the Sonic community, as I am a new fan (got into sonic around 2020). I was looking through community posts and seeing other people struggle and complain and call it impossible, as well as people asking for tips. And the people who responded with tips helped me out soso much, I wouldnt have been able to beat it if not!

I dont know about you, but I was hoping for a boss rush in Sonic Frontiers, and now that we have it, despite being insanely difficult, im pretty happy about it. Being forced to learn new techniques (speedrunning tricks) AND finding out about features from the boss fights that I didnt know before (parrying Wyverns rockets, and parrying Knights spikes) was really fun.

plus, the ending was so worth it. i dont think I could find it but before I beat the game I saw a post speculating about how the Original ending was the bad ending, and the Final Horizon ending is the good one, and idk about you guys but I agree. i like that speculation

Plus the story? The playable characters? Amazing. playing as amy and tails and knuckles were all really fun and I dont have much words about them but djdkdhdkdjdjfn ( also amys voice acting in that one scene if you know you KNOW)

despite this, will i ever fully complete this update? Absolutely not, I cant complete most of the new Island challenges or any of the portals, but that doesnt take my enjoyment away.

Idk, im rambling at this point! im about to replay the update saturday so maybe my opinion will change or whatever but I liked the update thats the post bye

[reimenaashelyee]

The Creator's Guide to Comics Devices is OPEN!!! comicsdevices.com

An online library of visual-narrative devices that are used in the medium of comics and other sequential art.

Happy Halloween! I'm really excited to be finally launching* what is maybe one of my most ambitious, largest work yet. This online library is the next phase of a research project that began in May 2020, when I first mused on how comics as a field doesn't have a resource that catalogues devices used in the medium. Like, theatre has devices, so does literature, and film! So why shouldn't comics? I always had an interest in comics studies and analysis. I love reading, making and thinking comics. However most of my knowledge was intuitive - I learned comics from osmosis and experience. This is true for many of my peers. Speaking about comics as a creator is hard, because we don't have a robust system of language. When we had to speak, many of us tend to reach for the language developed for film by film practitioners. If there is language specific to comics, it's either scattered in multiple blogs or hidden away in academic journals. The Comics Devices library is meant to aggregate everything and everybody into a single hub! After exploring some multiple resources, alongside some original, independent research, here is the first edition! * The Comics Devices project is still a work-in-progress! It's not final, nor will it ever be. This is why I am seeking contributors to help build this library. Translations, comics examples, etc. There is a lot of work to do! If you are interested, reply to this post or submit an expression of interest on this page.  Have fun everyone!! (Now time for me to melt x_x)