#(I thought that it had stopped being back in 2017 but apparently not)

[ichabodcranemills]

Honestly. Why do people watch Moffat things if they hate Moffat? Like, save your fucking time and don't go bother us in the tags

[overtake]

every time i remember that gifset of daniel laughing and talking pre-race with max and his dad in spa 2014 and realize that max saw daniel win his third race and red bull's 50th race live and IN PERSON....like daniel must have seemed so cool and larger than life. and then come to find out a few weeks later it's max's test and he had made a welcome video for him. like...it's too much they're TOO MUCH.

This response got ludicrously long.

It’s such “fated to be in each other’s lives forever” shit. It’s always been Max and Daniel. In 2011, before Max was even a red bull junior. In 2014 at spa, ahead of Max being announced for toro rosso. In video form at his super license drive, when Max being his future teammate wouldn’t have even been thought in Daniel’s mind. The things Max got to see Daniel achieve and dream that he might have that and more, and the hot guy doing it is paying attention to him.

He wins that race and backs him, saying he couldn’t have done what he’s about to do and saying Max has the talent to be there… I just know it was good to hear that the man you just watched on the podium believes you deserve this oppprtunity. And if he wasn’t ready at your age and is sitting in front of you a three time winner, what can you achieve by his age?

Obviously, Max has never needed other people’s validation on his skill. He knew he could be successful and had no issue staring his naysayers down. He’s a cactus, not a delicate orchid. You cannot kill him. Your opinions mean nothing to him if you are not in his inner circle (though Daniel certainly worked his way into being someone whose opinion Max holds, hears, and values).

But still, it has to be nice to hear back then that there are people with achievements you want who believe you’re capable of getting there. Even the most brave-faced sixteen year old (with a father who tries to toughen his emotional resolve by saying he will never be anything more than a truck driver) still appreciates having someone believe in him, even if he doesn’t need the validation.

I think people tend to wrongly characterize young Max as some delicate friendless loser and Daniel was the only person to ever show him kindnesses etc etc etc. Max is extremely confident and never relied on Daniel to build self-worth or whatever pathetic way people try to write him. But he always just glowed around him — textbook of that first crush that makes you have the italics “oh. oh” moment. It’s very apparent that Daniel meant a lot to Max as a teammate and that the two of them just liked being around each other, such an anomaly for that era of f1 (ex: like they mentioned in on the sofa 2017, Lewis, — who had been busy with the life altering downfall of his relationship with Nico — was in awe of Max and Daniel and asked for the scholarship of how they got along so well).

It’s so clear that this draw between them started for Max so early from just the way he looks at Daniel on that phone, shy and not knowing quite what to say, and his gaze lingering on it even after it stops playing with that smile. He has to tear his attention away to say his sweet little praise of Daniel. Daniel respected Max as a serious competitor from day one with his quotes about Max’s talents, and that already meant something to Max — but then he also went ahead and liked Max and was kind to Max in a time where he was drenched in doubters.

It’s a great tragedy that we will never know what it would’ve been like to see the two of them in a car that could compete for championships. Obviously tensions would have altered their relationship (I mean, the Renault engine frustration and natural increase in rivalry as it became Max’s team already meant their relationship improved post-leaving), but I’m going to be delusional and think that they never could have hated each other in that bone-deep way because they like each other in a way that is so natural that it feels encoded in their DNA.

Things would have gotten messy as competitive battles do, with many a wall punched and inflammatory quotes in the media pen — especially as Daniel would have to reckon with the inevitability of Max being a generational talent whose already sharp elbows in their early days only doled out more hits on the road to WDC. It’d be claws out, teeth bared tension.

Still, I employ my delusion to say that in that universe, at the end of their careers, they could sit on Daniel’s farm and still enjoy being around each other — like Daniel said in 2019, they had a heated rivalry and pushed each other, but there was always respect. At the end of the day, Max has never stopped looking at Daniel outside the track with anything but effusive love, and Daniel is always there looking back with his mouth open and ready to make Max laugh — and I genuinely believe they would have cared enough about each other to keep their fight contained to the environment and time period and rebuild anything lost when it’s all said and done.

It’s the eternal thesis of them, that everyone has said a million times over: they like each other so much, so genuinely, without a veneer of fakeness and PR to it. They’d like each other in any universe in any conditions, even ones where they were built to hate each other. There could still be fighting and resentment and cold shoulders, but they are not built to hate each other, and that’s why I like them so much.

[graneymar]

Okay hear me out luv

after months of mutual pining, 2017!Neymar finally gets his hands on you, his french tutor, only to find out you’re refraining because your pathetic excuse of an ex had convinced you that ur not sexy nor good in bed. Now he can’t let you believe such absurdities, can he? You’re a literal goddess in his eyes, obsessing him without even trying, so he just has to softly fuck your ex’s words out of your mind, replacing them with his dirty but - oh so sweet ones

aka slightly dominant ney praising his princess and doing her nice and sweet to admittedly erase the memory of every other man she had before him ✨✨✨

#11. NEYMAR: LESSONS

SUMMARY: above

WARNINGS: filthy dirty smut (whole package literally)

PAIRING: Neymar x fem!reader

"Neymar, are you even listening to me? What’s up with you today?", you asked softly, still raising your voice a little. Neymar dropped his pen and sighed out. "Just got a little distracted, I don’t know. Not in the mood today." It was quite obvious, his eyes kept on wandering up and down the upper half of your body. It was a hot summer day in Paris and you didn’t think of anything when you decided to wear something a little more revealing, but apparently, your student fought his thoughts about what he'd prefer to do with you. "Can we just a watch a movie or something?", Neymar suggested.

"I'm not getting paid for watching movies with you", you slightly giggled. Neymar got up from his chair and walked around your living room. "What if it’s a french movie? With portoguese subtitles", he answered, putting on his cutest smile. You thought about it for a second, but shook your head no. "Let’s just finish this task and we're done for today then I guess." Neymar let out a loud annoyed breath, but nodded. "Great. Let me just get another bottle of water. Would you like one too?", you said as you got up. You heard his footsteps following you to the kitchen. Taking out two small water bottles and closing the refrigerator, you suddenly felt two hands on your waist. He pulled you closer to his body and his hands started running up and down your sides. You were confused and shocked by his actions, but also too stunned to speak up. "You're doing this on purpose, aren’t you?", he whispered into your ear. Your body shivered as you felt his breath on your neck. "W-What? What am I doing?", you asked. Neymar again grabbed you by the waist and turned you around, so you were face to face. "The way you dress lately… how you look at me… you know you drive me insane", he whispered inbetween the kisses he placed on your neck. It felt so wrong, but so right. You knew you should pull away from him, but his lips on your body felt so good, making you feel so weak. He picked you up and placed you on the kitchen counter, his lips crashing on yours, your tongues finding their own rhythm. Your body stiffed as his hands were roaming all around it. You felt his large hand making it’s way underneath your shirt. No lie, you enjoyed it, but quickly pulled away the moment he tried to reveal your breasts. "Stop Neymar, stop now", you finally exclaimed, slightly pushing him away from you. He threw you a confused look as you got down from the kitchen counter and ran your fingers through your hair, turning your back to him. "Did I do anything wrong?", he asked after a moment of silence.

You hated being so insecure about yourself and body, all thanks to your ex. He was your first boyfriend, you’ve been together for years before you found out he cheated on you countless times. Confronting him, he let you know he didn’t enjoy sleeping with you, saying you became boring throughout the years, you wouldn’t know how to do him right. Adding to that, he made you feel insecure about your body, pointing out every tiny flaw. All this lead to you becoming insecure about your body and abilities in bed.

Now how were you supposed to open up to the one and only Neymar Jr, who was used to having the most gorgeous and sexiest women? You were convinced you looked like a fucking joke next to them and you couldn’t please him the way he knew it. You wanted him, you really did. In fact, one of your biggest sexual fantasies was about to become reality, and now it was only you who stood in the way.

"No Ney, it’s not you. It’s me", you spoke up, turning around to him again, "Me and my little demons." Neymar finally understood what you were about when you looked down at your body as you mentioned your 'little demons'. "Oh God, no, please don’t tell me you're questioning your beauty." Your eyes wandered around the room, avoiding to look at him. "Why would you even think of yourself that way?"

"It’s not just that Neymar, I know I can’t give you what you need."

"Who said that?", he asked and you couldn’t hold back yourself from tearing up. "I don’t know why I'm telling you this right now, but okay. My ex cheated on me several times. According to him, I wasn't good enough, wasn’t able to satisfy him, I wasn’t sexy enough anyway. Now, please just finally drop it." He looked at you in disbelief as he took some steps forwards you. "No Ney, please", you tried to stop him, unsuccessfully. He wiped the tears from your cheeks. You looked up to him, your head cupped in his large soft hands. "Fuck this shit, fuck him. Let me show you how beautiful you are to me", he quietly spoke before you felt his passionate seducing kiss on your lips again. A thousand thoughts running through your mind, but you literally melt into his kiss and hands. He smiled as he pulled away, "I've been waiting for this so long." You smiled back, letting him you know you’ve been wanting this too. He picked you up bridal style, your arms wrapped around his neck. "What a gentleman", you chuckled.

"I'll show you what a real gentleman is", he smirked as he softly laid you down in your bed. The nervousness in you was rising, some negative thoughts still came through, but it was too late for you to stop now. All the kissing and touching made you want him even more, you practically needed him. His lips placing sweet kisses on your neck, his hands instantly went down your shirt. It was important for Neymar to make you feel secure and comfortable with him, so he slowly started massaging and squeezing your tits, listening to your quiet joyous moans, before he finally pulled your shirt up. You sat straight for a moment, throwing your shirt on the ground. His eyes lit up the moment he saw your breasts, covered in nothing but your black bra. He looked at you asking for allowance, you nodded as a reply. He took off your bra and started massaging one breast. You felt a tingling sensation the second he sucked on your other breast, his tongue flickering over your nipple. Your eyes met his as you looked down, his lust filled stare drove you insane. Neymar slowly kissed his way down to your stomach, sending shivers all over your body. He tugged on your shorts and you lift your hip up, letting him drag them down. "Baby.. you are.. you're fucking gorgeous", he said, his eyes going up and down your body. You noticed his huge bulge and sat up to look straight at it. "You want him, don't you?", he smirked. You nodded, looking him deeply into his eyes. He untied his belt and dragged down his jeans just a little bit. You waited for him to continue, but he stopped. "Your turn to take care of him", he mumbled. You pressed your lips together as you pulled down his jeans with his shorts. You swallowed hard the moment his big cock jumped up. The excitement rose, but so did the nervousness again. You knew exactly what he wanted to you do, but you were again doubting your abilities, which he immediately noticed. "Just try it. My turn to teach you", he smiled, his breath becoming heavier thinking of what a pleasure was expecting him. You deeply inhaled before you finally had his cock in your hands, repeatedly going up and down. Looking up at Neymar, you realised he needed more, so you carefully swirled your tongue around his tip. After teasing him a little, you slowly tried to take him all in - he was a little too big for you though. Moving back and forth, your hands found their way to his balls, squeezing and massaging them. Neymar let out a few moans and tilted his head back with his eyes closed, before he grabbed the back of your head and forced you to take his huge cock all in, making you gag. He moved his hips in his own rhythm, going faster, then slower again, thrusting in and out of your mouth. He pulled your on hair as he deeply thrusted in one last time before finally letting you pull away from him. You were trying to catch a breath, but he left you no time to do so. His hand wrapped around your neck with pressure, pushing you back onto the bed, spreading your legs for him and placing one last kiss on your cheek, he thrusted into you without any warning, making you moan out loud. "You okay?", he mumbled. "It hurts a little", you replied, a tiny tear rolling down your cheek. He could barely hear you since the hand on your neck applied even more pressure than before. "It’s supposed to", he smirked, deeply thrusting into you once more. Your whole body twitched, you pressed your lips together in order not to cry out. One of your hands hold onto his wrist that was on your neck, your other hand grabbed the bedsheets. Neymars eyes sparkled up watching you being all out of control and completely weak for him. He slowly started thrusting in and out of your throbbing cunt, rolling his eyes back in pleasure, feeling your walls tighten around him. Your whines turned into an uncontrollable mess of moans the moment his pace increased, hitting your point with every thrust. The pain you felt before changed into a tingling sensation of satisfaction.

"Is this good? Is this how my little pretty slut needs to get fucked, hm?", he gasped, slapping your cheek before putting pressure on your neck again. You were shocked at the slap on your face, you’ve never experienced such actions in bed before, but you had to admit you liked it. You enjoyed the feeling of being his little toy. "Mhm", you let out, your lips pressed together. You could barely keep your eyes open, tears slowly rolling down your blushed cheeks. Your whole body started pulling together, your legs got a little shaky. You were close to your climax and Neymar noticed that too, but he decided it wasn’t time for you yet. He suddenly pulled out and started stroking his cock, covered in your wetness. "Turn around, turn around", he demanded, "Ass up, face down." You did as he told you. He started teasing you by sliding his tip up and down your entrance. You pushed your butt closer to him, letting him know how impatient you were. He smirked, "Aw baby, you really wanna come for me don’t you?" You were so fed up with his teasing, you weren’t even able to answer. He spanked your ass. Once, twice, thrice. The sound of the slaps mixed with your crying moans echoed through the room. Your body twitched in pain, still you managed to look back at Neymar and show him you enjoyed it by putting on a filthy smile. He returned the smile and slowly put his huge cock into your wet little pussy, giving you time to adjust, knowing this position was way more intense. "Oh my god, oh my god, fuck", you squealed and let yourself fall. He got you back up by pulling on your hair, his other hand holding onto your waist as he thrusted in and out of you. Being aware of how you liked the spanking, he made sure to repeat his action every now and then. "Fuck, Neymar", you screamed out as your breath got heavier, your whole body shivered. "Yeah baby, scream my name, come for me", he said inbetween gasps. You felt him twitch inside of you, he was about to come too. His pace decreased, but he still managed to hit your spot hard enough. That was when you lost it all. You screamed in joy, you felt everything and nothing at the same time. He let out two loud moans as you felt his warm juice filling your inside. Gasping for air, he let his sweaty body drop right next to you. You turned around to lay on your back again, hiding your body under blankets. You couldn’t believe what just happened, but what was even more surprising for you - you loved it, you felt good doing it and you actually felt good about yourself. Neymar cleared his throat and smiled over to you, "I think I need those French lessons a little more often."

You chuckled, softly slapping his face before he pulled you closer to him and gave you another sweet kiss.

[thepalmofyourfreezinghand]

tbh you're losing me just made me feel sorry for both but also very empathetic toward joe. and this is coming from someone whose last relationship ended a lot like this and someone who was taylor in that relationship. back then i was just so hurt but over time i learned i also played a part in it ending and did things i shouldn't have. it sucks but truth is that they just weren't suited for each other anymore. and ik people will try and make this about how joe sucks and couldn't put in the effort but it's so much more complicated than that. from the lyrics taylor did what i did in my relationship and didn't really communicate. she sent signals, and kept waiting for him to see was "dying" and then was upset when he didn't see and didn't do anything to stop it. but at the same time this means joe actually didn't know she was hurting. he didn't notice and she didn't tell him and if at one point she did it ended up being a "i don't understand / i know you don't " type of conversation and if he just doesn't understand then there's not much to be done even if he wanted to do something. he can't pretend to understand to please her. seems like he genuinely thought they were okay where they were (maybe even because of taylor's people pleasing tendencies) and she just couldn't take it anymore and he didn't understand what was wrong or why she felt that way. i think that first break up news said everything it had to say. they worked when they were in a bubble but not outside of it. joe never really knew her and thought they were okay the way they were and taylor couldn't see a future together. again it sucks because it seems their very foundation is what tore them apart. taylor Trying all the time while pretending that's not the case and joe not wanting anything for her other than to just be together. the difference is back then he saw through her and they were able to make it work through miscommunication but apparently not anymore. and this could be for so many reasons. maybe his own anxiety/depression got in the way, maybe they both just changed and grew apart. maybe he did grow tired of some of her antics when he's a lot more chill and just didn't understand why she had to try so hard all the time and wanted everyone to do the same. i'm not trying to say taylor is hard to love bc that's not true at all but we all know how much she wants someone to choose her and look only at her and we have proof of the ways she'd make sure to get that (telling you to leave me just to try and scare you / im a mirroball / picking fights in afterglow and the great war).... maybe it got tiring and he just stopped keeping an eye out for The Signs and didn't even realize it... i don't thing either of them are the bad guy here. that said i hate how everyone is already like "she was there for him through everything and he couldn't even be there for her" when we know he WAS there for her a lot in the past. plus yeah "ik my pain is an imposition" hurts but we also have taylor saying "is it insensitive to say get your shit together so i can love you" and "if I would have known how sharp the pieces were you'd crumble into i might have let them lay".... like neither of them is perfect. just feels like they were both thought the other one would change and eventually be okay with things happening *their way* and ofc that just didn't happen. there was no cure.

Thank you so much for sending this thoughtful message, anon! The bottom line is really what you said: their foundation killed then. What worked so well in 2016-2017, what helped Taylor save herself, what made her think that he was the one… that was the same thing that tore them apart in the end.

[thevaudevilledemon]

Duck Musings: Just How Lucky is Gladstone?

Let’s start this Musings Post off by talking about one of my all time favourite Mickey Mouse shorts, Mickey’s Trailer. For those of you who haven’t seen it, it’s on Disney+, you can probably find it online somewhere if you don’t want to support Disney (No judgement there), but long story short, about half-way through Mickey and Donald are sent down a dangerous road after Goofy accidentally dislodges their trailer from the back of the car.

During this time, Mickey manages to Stop the trailer falling off a cliff twice, uses a fence to get past a truck moving along a one way road, and avoids both getting hit by and ramming into a train by the narrowest of narrow margins. So, clearly, Mickey is lucky, and since we know Donald Duck is eternally unlucky, we can only assume that Mickey’s luck somehow cancels out Donald’s bad luck, since if it was just Donald in that trailer, he would have fallen off the cliff, gotten hit by a large truck and a train and then run into the train and be carried off somewhere far away. Which is interesting, because Donald is very familiar with ungodly lucky beings, but the problem is that the other guy’s luck actually makes his bad luck worse.

Okay, so maybe Mickey isn’t actually really lucky, and maybe his luck doesn’t cancel out Donald’s bad luck, but this was the thought I had before I began trying to make sense of Gladstone Gander’s... Absurd? Ridiculous? Absolutely effing Bonkers? Unnaturally good luck.

Because here’s the thing, Gladstone’s luck, might not be your everyday luck. This is, advanced luck!

The Oxford Dictionary defines “Luck” as; “success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions”, while Merriam-Webster defines “Luck” as “A force that brings good fortune or adversity”, and “favoring chance”. But this is all often just happenstance, like for instance, you find a flower that someone wants to buy for a thousand dollars, well if you just happen to stumble upon it then that is really just happenstance. However, if you were to find a whole field of them where they normally wouldn’t grow, that might reach into the supernatural.

We’ve seen in “The Solitude of the Four-Leaf Clover Part 2″, (No I will never stop bringing up that beautiful comic) that Gladstone’s luck was so good that, if we took it all as happenstance, he returned to Duckburg right at the end of a terrible storm, and the Earthquakes that fixed everything had nothing to do with his luck, they were just earthquakes that put a lot of things back where they were, that were moved by the earthquakes. Okay, clearly Gladstone’s luck had something to do with all that, even Professor Ludwig Von Drake hypothesizes that Gladstone is the city’s good luck charm, so his luck clearly isn’t just unusual amounts of happenstance.

Of course, Gladstone’s luck could be predominately magical in nature, as proven by the time his luck was stolen by Magica De Spell in both “A Gal for Gladstone” and “Gladstone The Unlucky Duck”, and when it was syphoned by The Phantom Blot in one episode of DuckTales 2017 (The Phantom and the Sorceress), so that does kind of completely explain everything else. A wise(-ish) man once said “Because Magic is a better reason than Because Potatoes”, and magic does seem to be a good explanation for Gladstone’s superior luck, but it doesn’t quite answer the question of how strong it is.

We know that for a while Gladstone had the worst luck on his birthdays, thanks to a mishap that happened on his birthday thanks to the Triple Distelfink or whatever he was born under, some lightning, and his cousin Donald, and it is theorized that one one such Birthday, he lost his parents. However, on the one birthday he managed to reverse this curse, his bad luck didn’t seem to hinder him... for the most part. He got in a taxi to drive away from Grandma Duck’s farm, but the taxi got spun around, he gets on a train but the car he’s in derails and lands on a boat on a river that he instinctively knows leads to Grandma Duck’s farm, and then he gets on an airplane but a meteor hits the side, sucks him out and he lands on a hot air balloon and gets taken to Grandma Duck’s farm. So, it seems that even his bad luck, isn’t all that bad.

In fact, this leads me to the question, can Gladstone manipulate his own luck? As seen again in “Gladstone and the Solitude of the Four Leaf Clover Part 1″, when Gladstone was trying to form a new identity in the country, and his new friends took him out truffle hunting, not only did he not find any mushrooms at all, he also had such bad luck that his new friends commented on his bad luck. So, either he is so lucky that he can become unlucky when he needs to be, or he can somehow manage to turn his luck off.

We do know that others can manipulate his luck, as seen in the DuckTales ‘87 episode “Dime Enough for Luck” where Magica De Spell managed to hypnotize Gladstone in an attempt to steal Scrooge’s number one dime, and we can also assume this is how he managed to get trapped in Toad Liu Hai’s casino in the 2017 series, that the Luck Vampire managed to manipulate Gladstone’s luck to keep him trapped for several years. On top of all that, if Gladstone’s luck wasn’t able to be manipulated or was infallible, then his bad luck birthdays would never happen.

This has led to a lot of people making headcanons and theories about how exactly Gladstone’s luck works, does it give him what he needs when he needs it? Does it give him more? Does it give him less? Is it trying to communicate something to him? Is it all just happenstance? Is it actually magic? Is his bad luck actually bad? Is his good luck actually good? Does his luck even effect Donald? Ultimately, Gladstone’s luck does have its limits, but just what those limits are is anyone’s guess.

I dunno, maybe we should just let ModMad write the rules for Gladstone’s luck.

[acefiree]

𝗯𝗮𝘆! 𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗵𝗮𝗲𝗹 | breath mint

Raphael ✷ Grayson ( 16+ ) MASTERLIST

RAMBLES: about to ramble so you can skip this if you want! this is a chapter from my fic I wrote following the timeline of the movies, and since I'm going through and editing the book, I wanted to share some of my favorite parts from the fic on my tumblr, so spoilers??

anyyywhoo I'm also posting chaps that I was going to trash, but instead, I decided to make them into reader inserts and age up the characters. so if you see that and connect the dots, you get a cookie :)

this is about my OC and April meeting the brothers and it will forever be in my heart bc I wrote this when I was sixteen, so there will be major cringe ahead.

also, the characters are their respective age in this to match the movie.

this is not a reader insert! and, keep in mind I WAS A FETUS writing this so my choice of faceclaim was silly and it was like 2017 when I wrote this.

*cough* sabrina carpenter *cough*

TO EXPECT: ocs, 2014! movie, SFW, and a potty mouth character, cringes of my very first fic.

disclaimer: i do NOT own tmnt or the movie scenes, just my ocs and what i write for them :)

I WAS VERY TEMPTED to punch myself in the face for being so damn stupid.

Who in their right mind leaves a flash on when trying to take a discrete photo?

Grayson fucking O'Neil apparently.

All four figures immediately froze, the flash lighting up the dark rooftop for only a second. It was painfully obvious I had taken a picture. My hands began to sweat as my heart started to speed up. I could hear the shadow figures whispering again, and this time I had a really good feeling it wasn't about their previous victory.

"What was that?"

"It's a camera flash."

"We know it's a camera flash."

"Who's behind the camera flash?"

There was a light shove that came from my leg, and I knew it was April probably wondering what was going on. But I didn't dare move.

Maybe if I just pretended that I wasn't here, they wouldn't see me?

"By my calculations, it's two girls,"

Two?! How can he see us both?!

"Now we gotta kill them..."

I nearly let go of the ladder at that, my stomach churning. Shit. Were they really going to kill us over a freaking picture? Who in the hell are these guys? American assassins?

"What?!"

"With kindness!"

"Give them some flowers, earn their trust."

"I got this."

"Raph, no, no, no! She has glasses!"

I had started to climb down now, but it didn't look like I was going anywhere – April was blocking my path.

I had to bite my lip to keep myself from shouting at her. I wondered if a little kick to the face would make her move. I thought about it for a good second, though I refrained from doing so – but damn, did I want to.

I opened my mouth, ready to tell her to move her ass, but a hard heavy chain was suddenly around my midsection. My eyes widened in shock, and I glanced down. "What—" with a harsh jerk and a very loud squeal from my lips, I was suddenly air-born.

My body hit the roof with a harsh thump, and I rolled, somehow shielding my head and camera at the same time. Pain shot up my arm when I landed on my wrist, the limb catching the brunt of my fall. When I finally had control over my own body again, I weakly sat up and clenched my teeth, holding my now throbbing wrist to my chest.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! That fucking hurt you asshole!" I shouted into the dark, my pain causing my temper to flare which controlled my tongue. I swear I could hear a giggle come from the dark.

I didn't give a damn who these guys were, they didn't have to yank me around like that. Unable to stop the aggravated huff that left my lips, I allowed my gaze to drop down to my camera as I checked it over, only to let out a relieved breath when I saw it was perfectly fine.

Yea, but freakin' my wrist isn't.

My eyes drifted back to my wrist as more annoyed grumbles came from my lips. A burning sensation came from my joint as I rotated the limb. I didn't think it was broken, but knew I it was going to bruise. I was so focused on my arm that I didn't notice when April climbed up the ladder and ran over to me. She was quick to notice how I was nursing my arm and she grabbed it tenderly, facing the inner part of my wrist up. She cringed at the flamed skin.

Damn. This was definitely going to start bruising soon. I could already see a red tint forming just below the junction of my thumb that would soon turn purple.

"Are you okay?"

I so badly wanted to snap back a sarcastic remark, but when my gaze locked with hers, my words seemed to leave me. I eased my arm away, staring up at her. I could see the fear in her eyes and that made the situation more real.

I was just pulled through the air like a fucking rag doll, of course I'm not okay!

But I didn't say that.

"I think so—"

A harsh thump, followed by a rough grunt, suddenly came from behind me and a shaky breath slipped through April's lips as she tilted her head back, her eyes growing when her gaze locked onto someone, or something, behind me.

By the look on April's face, I really didn't want to turn to see what made her suddenly go pale. Something in my gut told me not to turn around, to just fall out and play dead – I wanted to ask who was standing there so I didn't have to look.

Then I remembered this asshole was the one that just yanked me from the ladder. It only took two seconds of me mentally preparing myself before I found enough courage to turn around and give this man a piece of my mind on how he shouldn't yank little people around, just so he could feel superior.

I quickly turned, but came to a jerking stop when my nose brushed against a...knee. My eyes crossed as I stared at the limb, and the first thing I noticed was how...green...it was green?

Momentarily forgetting my previous anger and my throbbing wrist, I shuffled back on my butt, my head tilting up to see who the large ass knee belonged to. My eyes bugged like a Looney Tunes character as I assessed the figure towering over me.

Holy fucking shit.

Green eyes clashed with Grey as a man-like turtle glared down at me. I had to blink a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Upon seeing the look on my face, his lips curled back over his teeth into a snarl and I watched as his eyes scanned over my persons for a second, as if looking for something.

I instantly thought of my camera and instinctively grabbed it to my chest. That action had him narrowing his gaze on the device and that's when I knew what he wanted.

There were no words being said as me and my sister sat frozen in our spots. My sister looked about ready to piss herself, while I was trying my best to control my breathing and the pace of my heart. I suddenly felt warm and clammy and my heart was fluttering in an odd rhythm in my chest.

Time seemed non-existent as I took in this creature's appearance, noting the blood-red mask wrapped around the upper part of his head, kind of looking like a du-rag. The red fabric seemed like a good fashion choice, seeing that he had a very pissed-off look on his face at the moment. My gaze swept over the large turtle man, taking in all the gear he was wearing.

There was a thick leather strap stretched across, what I think was, his chest as it disappeared over the lip of his shell. And on his waist was an old-looking strap playing as a belt as it held up his odd-looking pants. My eyes then drifted to his arms, which were literally the size of my head. There was a red band tied around his bicep, stretching as the muscle moved.

This turtle man was ripped, and I honestly wanted to ask what type of steroids he took, because holy shit he was built like a miniature Hulk.

He rumbled lowly, his nostrils flaring as I snapped my eyes back to his own. I could tell he noticed my little observation, and he didn't hide the fact he didn't like it.

"Give me the camera,"

I had to pause at the sound of his voice, my face shifting gradually when I realized he could speak English. His voice was low and raspy like he was a heavy smoker and all his years of smoking finally caught up to him – I don't know what I was expecting the turtle man to sound like, but it definitely wasn't that.

April helped me stand, wrapping her arms around my waist protectively as we stared at him wide-eyed. I could feel her hands shaking against my waist, causing a spark of protectiveness to wash over me. There was a bead of sweat forming on my forehead as my knees wabbled.

"Ooh, look, he's doing his Batman voice," A voice snorted from behind the red-clad turtle, voice lowering to mock him.

"They're so hot, I can feel my shell tightening," A higher-pitched voice strained, prompting me to raise an eyebrow.

Excuse me?

I tried to shift my gaze around the red-clad turtle in front of me, wanting to see who was talking, but his big ass shell was blocking my view.

The red-banded turtle rolled his jaded eyes and turned to look back over his shoulder, or more like his shell. "We can hear you," He growled.

I tensed more as he turned back to us, his eyes locking me again in as he unsheathed something from both sides of his abdomen and I looked down.

Recognition flashed in my gaze as I stared at the familiar fork-like daggers.

So he was the one I saw that night? The shadow man? Holy shit! This is all starting to make sense—

I nearly jerked back when he placed one of the daggers under my chin, his jaw ticking as my breath quickened.

Jesus, what is his problem? My heart started to sporadically flutter faster as a twinge of fear settled in my stomach, afraid he might nick my skin with the sharp object.

He took a small step closer to me, having to slouch over drastically so he could get in my face. I could tell this was his way to intimidate me, and I would be lying if I said it wasn't working. His hot breath tickled my face, causing a light scrunch on my nose to form as I leaned back and tucked my chin toward my chest, promptly showing a double chin.

I was tempted to head-butt this turtle if he got any closer to me. Did this dude know anything about personal space? Because damn, he was so close, if I wanted to, I could boop him on the nose.

All witty remarks seemed to leave me as my brain was still trying to understand what I was seeing. So, panicking, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"Dude, you need a breath mint,"

As soon as the words left my mouth, Red's non-existent brows shot up in shock, as if my words had slapped him in the face. There was a loud boisterous laugh that came from behind him, which had the red turtle quickly recovering from his shock when he realized what I said.

He sharpened his harsh glare down at me, looking somewhat offended. "Wha—why I outta—" He lifted my chin higher with the dagger, "If you don't give me the camera, I'm gonna—"

"You're gonna what? Poke us to death with your little forks? Ooh, I'm shivering." I said before adding, "And by the way, you sound nothing like Batman – if anything, you sound constipated. Don't disrespect Bruce Wayne like that."

I don't know if it was the fall I took, or the amount of cake I ate tonight. But I found myself knocking my uninjured arm against his to move the dagger out of my space. I knew running my mouth was probably going to get me hurt, but this turtle was rude as hell. And that shit wasn't about to fly with me.

I could feel April's eyes glaring at me, most likely wishing I would shut up.

A loud snort came from behind the red turtle again, followed by a frenzy of giggles. If he was mad before, he was defiantly livid now. His face started to change, and if he could blush, I was certain his cheeks would be the color of his mask.

He cracked open his mouth to speak again, but a loud voice cut him off.

"Enough!" I stepped back and watched as another turtle flipped over us, landing on the other side of the rooftop – this one sporting a blue mask.

What's up with the multi-colored masks? Are they color-coded turtles or something? Was I missing the punch line?

My eyes flickered to the two weapons he gripped in his large hands tightly, and I instantly recognized them to be Katana's. He glanced down, his face stern as he assessed the three of us. I suddenly felt really small under his gaze, as if I were a child being scolded.

I watched as he twisted his wrists, expertly spinning his weapons before lifting his arms and sliding them onto the back of his shell, crossing them into a large 'X'.

"Back off, Raph." He ordered, looking over to the turtle in red.

So rude turt has a name? I thought before looking back at Blue.

The red turtle, Raph, let out an aggravated growl as he stepped back and moved away. "I only saw Batman once!—she made fun of my voice and said I needed a mint." He whispered the last part to himself, but I heard him perfectly.

"Ladies, hello. I apologize." The blue-clad turtle said coolly, effortlessly dropping from the edge in one step as he moved in front of us. "My colleague here forgot to say please – so would you please hand over the camera?"

At this point, he was standing but a few feet away. His eyes, which were the brightest blue I had ever seen, glanced down at the camera hanging from my neck before looking back up at my face, his mask shifting as he lifted a non-existent brow. This turtle seemed a lot calmer than the first, but that didn't make me trust him in the slightest.

The scenario good cop, bad cop coming to mind.

I instinctively grasped my sister's hand, tugging her closer to me as I backed away, refusing to give up my beloved camera in fear that they might smash it.

Blue started to take a few steps closer when he noticed us backing away, and I was quick to stop him by throwing my finger in his face. "Ah, Ah! No! You stay."

His face looked rather shocked for a moment at my boldness, and I was surprised when he actually came to a stop. He blinked a few times as if he couldn't believe I just told him to stay put like a dog. I took this as my chance to turn, pulling on April so we could find an escape—

My body jolted to a stop when we came face to face with another turtle – this one in orange.

Holy shit! Are they fucking multiplying?!

April gasped and sprung back, letting me go in the process. My arm flew up out of instinct, not expecting him to be so close. Just before I could make contact and hit him for being in my personal bubble, the Orange-clad turtle was quick to catch me by the wrist, shocking the literal hell out of me.

"Whoa, dudette! chill, it's just a mask. See? Don't freak out—right?" He used his other hand to take off his mask, dangling the fabric in my face with a boyish smile on his face.

One of my brows quirk of its own accord as I tensely glimpse at his massive hand that was wrapped around my small wrist, noting he only has three fucking fingers. He saw the look on my face, a sheepish grin morphing on his lips as he quickly let go.

At the rate my breathing was going, I began to feel a little lightheaded, my heart still fluttering in my chest as my legs became shakier. Oh no. I blinked a few times as the turtle in front of me became blurry. When I blinked again, the red turtle was suddenly standing by the orange one, both watching me with strange looks on their faces as I took a stumbling step back.

Shit, I don't feel good.

"Ray?" April's voice seemed far away, though I knew she was literally right behind me.

Just as I began to collapse, a pair of large hands caught me, and my body went limp.

"Oh, that went well."

"BREATHING STEADY. Blood pressure stabilizing." Someone said as a bright beam shined in my eyes.

My thoughts were jumbled the second I could make out multiple green faces hovering over me.

"Why are we still here playing doctor?" A deeper voice growled, sounding annoyed.

"Because, other than her injured wrist—which you caused—She might have a head injury."

"Uh, correction, she's a hot chick who may have a head injury. Which makes it our civic duty—"

"Would you knock it off."

I jerked away when a green hand was suddenly in my face, three fingers snapping. I blinked a few times as I squinted my eyes at the turtle. He was wearing a pair of goggles and was wearing a purple mask. When he noticed I was conscious enough, he quickly moved out of my space, allowing me to sit up.

"Tink, are you okay?"

I felt instant comfort from the nickname and glanced over to see my sister staring at me with concern, her hand lightly pressed against my knee. I nodded my eyes blinking a few more times as I noticed my vision was still impaired. My hands snap to my face, panic washing over me when I realize my glasses are gone.

The urge to pull a Velma and shout 'My glasses!' hit me as I started to look around for them. Before I could promptly start freaking the hell out, April tapped my shoulder and I felt instant relief when she pulled them out and placed them on my face for me. I gave her a grateful nod, adjusting them before I turned my attention to the four turtles watching us.

I can't believe I passed out.

I twisted my lips, rubbing my hurt wrist while my eyes drifted to each turtle, taking them in as I stood to my feet with the help of my sister.

"What are you?" April asked, also looking at them.

The blue-clad turtle glanced at the others before moving forward slightly. "Well, Miss, uh, we're ninjas." He leaned the top part of his body forward, resting his fist into the palm of his hand and bowing his head at us respectively.

I found myself actually wanting to smile at his actions.

The urge to smile quickly disappeared as soon as the red brute, who I remember being called Raph, spoke up, his eyes set in a hard glare as he stared at us "We're mutants."

The purple one, which I noticed was the tallest out of all of them, looked at us, his goggles gone and replaced with glasses. "Well, technically we're turtles."

"Oh, and we're teenagers! But we can still have...adult conversations." The Orange-clad turtle says, wiggling his fingers and winking at us.

I let out a sound of surprise, gaining their attention. "No, I am a teenager." I gestured to myself with both hands, my eyes wide as I looked back at them incredulously. "Like, honestly, you look like grown-ass men — I mean turtles..."

"You're a teenager?!" The orange banded one whispered in shocked wonder as he approached me, bending and placing his hands on his knees as he got in my face like he was analyzing a rare specimen. I took a step back and gave him a look as he muttered, "But...you're so tiny,"

I made a face at his words, "I'm not that short! I'm a pretty normal height for a girl..."

The purple-wielding turtle let out an amused snort, prompting us to look at him now. "Actually, you seem to be around 5'2 and the normal height for a human female is—"

"Can we please get back on topic guys? We don't have time to share facts and height charts." Blue interrupted us, making me turn to him with a lifted brow.

I promise, I tried to stop my eyes from rolling, I really did, but they had a mind of their own. "Bossy ass," I muttered under my breath.

His eyes snapped to me, and I instantly knew he heard what I said, causing me to shoot him an innocent smile in return.

April, who was still hung up on their existence stepped forward to butt in, "Wait, So, you're—ninja, mutant, turtle, teenagers?" she questioned, sounding slightly ridiculous with how she worded it.

My lips pursed and I shook my head, "That sounds silly—" I glanced at April disappointed, "Why not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? It has a better ring to it."

"Agreed," The one in purple said, causing me to look back at him with a smile.

I glanced at all of them again, curiosity shining in my eyes as I began to wonder how this even happened. It's not every day you run into humanoid turtles who can speak perfect English. There has to be more to this.

My eyes stopped on Raph, catching the glare he was giving as he watched me look around at them. I lifted a brow, and his expression only grew more annoyed. "They're lookin' at us like we're freaks." He suddenly spat, pointing his fork dagger at me.

Seriously, what is this turtle's malfunction? He seemed to be the only one with a thorn in his side and it was starting to piss me off.

"I bet that's why you took our picture, wasn't it? To show your friends" He accused as he pointed at me again, a smug look mixing with his irritated one. "That is, if ya' have friends."

My mouth dropped in shock at his dig at my social life. Who did this turtle think he was? He was being such an ass, and for what?

"Look here 'Mr.Batman'—" I decreased my voice into a mocking tone, trying to mimic the baritone voice he did earlier, "When it comes to disrespect, I'm usually open-minded, but you've been a real ass tonight, so I'm about to be open-handed and smack the shit outta you!" I sass back before somewhat shouting, "Don't play with me!"

Crickets. There's a distinct pause as all four turtles look comically baffled at my little outburst. They were probably wondering how much damage a small girl like me could do to a six-foot mutant turtle, but I swear if he said another rude ass thing to me, they will all find out.

Suddenly, a very boyish laugh filled the tense atmosphere and I swung my gaze over to the orange-clad turtle, watching as he clutched his stomach from laughing so hard.

"Dudes I think I just fell in love – Raph she just put you in your place bro!"

The red-banded turtle shot the other one a sharp glare, his lip curling as he yanked his intense gaze back in my direction. I took a tiny step back as the hothead dropped down from the ledge he was perched on, his green eyes burning into my own. I noticed his scarred lip quirk into a smirk when he saw me step back. Something in his hand caught my attention, so I looked down and froze upon seeing my camera dangling in his grasp.

"Looking for this?" He taunted, his smirk growing as he observed the shocked expression on my face.

I quickly patted down my body, as if I wasn't looking at my camera. What the hell?! My mouth formed a tight line as he got closer to me, my head having to tilt back so I could stare him directly in the eyes.

Don't show fear, be the bad bitch you know you are.

"I swear, if you break my camera, I'll monkey jump your ass!"

He gave me a challenging look in return, "Bring it, Trouble," His gaze fell from my face and traveled over my body, sizing me up. "I can take ya."

I ignored the nickname as the annoyance I felt grew, "I don't know the anatomy of a mutant turtle, but I'm so close to kicking you in the balls if you don't back the fuck up!" I growled, jabbing a finger in his shell-covered chest.

It's been I while since I've gotten this upset, usually I was chill. But this turtle seemed like he really enjoyed pressing my buttons.

For a moment I could have sworn fear flashed in his eyes when I mentioned kicking him down under. And he seemed to close his stance a little. But before any more words could be shared between us, blue stepped in, moving Raph back.

"How many times do I have to tell you? We don't break things, we fix them. Donnie already wiped the camera, genius – Problem solved, moving on." The blue-clad turtle spoke, his eyes hardening on Raph who now seemed embarrassed by being scolded.

I snapped my head toward the purple turtle, assuming he was the one who messed with my stuff. "You did what?!" My voice squeaked, causing the purple banded turtle to jump and his glasses-covered eyes to round. "Please tell me you didn't wipe everything!"

My whole life was on that damn thing! He better not have erased the memory, I only took one picture!

The purple, Donnie, looked extremely uncomfortable and slightly panicked. He opened his mouth to speak, but the big brute cut him off before he could defend his actions.

"And who put you in charge?" Red rumbled, anger sparking in his green eyes as he turned to face blue.

Now Blue seemed pissed, his chest bumping into Raph's as he matched his aggression. "You know who did." His voice lowers and I find myself taking a small step back.

I had a feeling a fight was about to break out, and I didn't want to be caught in the middle of that.

These guys are really moody.

"Ooh, tension! It's been like thirty whole minutes since you guys had this argument." The orange one butted in with a smile on his face, not seeming fazed by the other turtle's aggressiveness.

"Leonardo, if we want to make it home before Master, we gotta hustle," Donnie spoke up, glancing at his wrist which had a cool-looking watch on it.

For a moment I pause, a sense of familiarity washing over my mind as I thought over that name.

"Leonardo?" I heard April whisper from beside me, causing me to look over at her with a questioning look.

Has she heard of that name before too?

The blue one, Leonardo, turned to me. I kept quiet as he stepped closer and held out my camera for me to take. "Do not say a word about this to anyone," he lowered himself to my height, and even though he was bent over, I still had to look up. "If you do, we will find you." His eyes swayed between me and April for a second, "April and Grayson O'Neil."

He was back to standing his full height; A serious superior look casting in his blue eyes. He turned his head to look at Raph, narrowing his eyes slightly. "We're on the move, Raphael."

"Raphael...?" I murmured this time, my brows pinched together. Where have I heard these damn names before?

A deep rumble followed after I said the name, which caused me to look up. It was Raphael. When we locked eyes, I could see his shoulders tense as he shot me a displeased look. I stared at him for a long moment, trying to read this strange being. He stared back and I could only assume he was doing the same with me.

I could tell he was the most guarded out of the other three, and I was quick to pick up on the fact he seemed insecure about what others thought about his appearance. I would have to remember not to stare if I wanted to stay on his good side. That is, if he even had one.

Like a splash of cold water to the face; Raphael moved away from us, before squaring his shoulders and placing his little bitty weapons back in their holster. He locked eyes with me once more and shot me a pointed glare, the toothpick in his mouth shifting.

Yep, this guy really doesn't like me...Wait, where did the toothpick come from?

"Yeahhh, we'll find you, O'Neil." The orange started doing weird hand gestures as he gradually backed away.

I quirked a brow at how odd and disturbing it sounded.

I jumped a little as he came back quickly, an awkward smile on his face, "I'm sorry, that came across super creepy, okay?" He chuckled nervously, "But we will find you though." He pointed at us, shooting a small wink.

He's weird. I giggled softly.

An award-winning smile broke out on his face as he heard my laugh, looking like a child in a candy shop. He waved me goodbye as he ran after the others who had begun to leave. Leonardo shot him a stern look when he finally caught up, muttering something to him under his breath.

April rushed after them, her phone now out and raised to snap more pictures as they disappeared into the night.

I rolled my eyes before joining her at the edge of the building, smirking to myself.

"It was like fire brah, did you see me back there? She's totally into me, I made her laugh!"

"Shut it, Mikey." I recognized that voice to be Raphaels.

I glanced over at April, my smile spreading somewhat in excitement.

I knew after tonight, that neither of our lives were ever going to be the same.

MASTERLIST

[black-arcana]

AMY LEE Shoots Down Rumor She Is LINKIN PARK's New Singer, But Says She 'Might' Be Willing To 'Do It Part Time'

In a new interview with Canada's iHeart Radio, EVANESCENCE's Amy Lee was asked about the recent rumors that LINKIN PARK has recruited a female singer and some LP fans' desire to see her step in as the replacement for that band's late vocalist Chester Bennington.

"That is an incredible compliment," she said after being told that she was a fan favorite to fill the slot (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET). "I have not heard that. No, I have not been contacted [by LINKIN PARK] or anything like that. But [I'm a] huge fan feel like our worlds, our fanbases are a lot of the same people."

She continued: "That's really sweet. We never… Well, did we play shows [together]? I don't know if [EVANESCENCE and LINKIN PARK] were on a festival together or whatever. We met. We were in the studio at the same time. When we were making 'Fallen', I just briefly got to have a conversation or two with Chester. He was really sweet.

"But no, it's not true," she clarified in regard to the rumors that could be LINKIN PARK's new singer. "But that's awesome. They should ask me about that. I don't have a ton of free time, but I might do it part time."

The rumor about LINKIN PARK recruiting a female vocalist was apparently started by ORGY frontman Jay Gordon who mentioned during a radio interview that he had "heard" that they were working with a "girl singer now". When pressed, Gordon continued by saying: "Don't quote me on that. I'm not sure who the singer is going to be, but I heard it was gonna be female. They might just try to move on like that. That ought to be interesting." Jay later seemingly walked back his comments, writing in a Facebook post that he knew "nothing about any of that" and accused "people" of taking his words "out of context."

During EVANESCENCE's 2022 tour with HALESTORM, Lee and HALESTORM frontwoman Lzzy Hale performed a cover version of LINKIN PARK's "Heavy" at every stop. Lzzy spoke about the decision to cover the track in an interview with the 105.7 The Point radio station. She said: "[Amy and I] were lobbing a couple of ideas back and forth and then, all of a sudden, we landed on LINKIN PARK. And [we thought], you know what? That would be really cool because inadvertently it would be a tribute to Chester, but also, everything that this song has been about, we've all been through that — everybody. And so it's almost this like very church moment where you walk out onstage and you're, like, 'All right. This is my church. These are my people. We're all doing this together.'"

LINKIN PARK has just released a career-spanning greatest-hits album, "Papercuts (Singles Collection 2000-2023)". The record also features a previously unreleased track with Bennington, "Friendly Fire", which was recorded during the sessions for the group's final studio album, 2017's "One More Light". Bennington died later that year.

In a 2004 interview with Revolver magazine, Chester talked about meeting EVANESCENCE in the studio, and how Amy explained to him that her record label tried to make them sound like LINKIN PARK.

"I met [EVANESCENCE] in the studio when they were recording their record. We were both recording in the same building. I was talking to [Amy]. And she was nice. She said, 'We're having these problems. Everyone at our label wants us to be you.' I told her that's lame. She agreed. She said they went as far as wanting to ask [LINKIN PARK's] Mike [Shinoda] to do a part on a song. She said, 'We knew he wouldn't do it.' So they're running around trying to get guys in other bands to do it like he would. ' I told her to be herself and tell the label to put it where the sun doesn't shine. But the next thing I heard was 'Bring Me To Life' with a guy that sounded just like Mike. It was a little upsetting."

In a 2018 interview with SiriusXM, Shinoda spoke about how he was asked to guest on "Bring Me To Life" and explained why he turned it down.

"I remember when EVANESCENCE first came out, somebody from the record label said, 'Do you want to be on this other band's song? They have this song with a singer — a female singer — and there's like, a rap part.' And I turned it down without having even known anything about the band," he said. "I didn't know anything about the band, and we didn't have anything to do with them. But I just — I just knew that, like, I did my thing in my band, and I didn't want to do my thing in another band. And when I ended up hearing the song, I went, 'Oh, I get it. I get why they wanted me on that song. Like, that would have sounded cool.' I still — I didn't want to do it, because I think, like, they have their own thing and the hardest part for EVANESCENCE was probably growing out of that moment, which they did gracefully. Part of it is just due to the fact that at the time, you know, they were writing cool stuff, and Amy's voice is just a great voice. I mean, she's just got a very powerful voice."

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

When I first watched Mock the Week nearly 4 years ago now, I remember thinking that even for a show where we accept that everyone's going to do some stock lines on the same few broadly accessible topics because it's mainstream light entertainment TV, the references to rail replacement bus services are a little out of hand. There was a stretch about ten years ago when the references were constant, and I thought surely they cannot be that big a part of life.

But I just got caught on a commute home with an announcement that this train is being stopped for repairs so please get off and take a replacement bus, and I take back everything I've ever thought about it. During my commute that's normally about 75 minutes but stretched to 2 hours through uncomfortable traffic today, I thought, everyone who was on Mock the Week in 2012 was absolutely right. Maybe about everything.

It was a shitty way to end a vaguely depressing day, I woke up late and grabbed a shirt without properly looking at it, so accidentally wore a shirt I don't wear often, because it was a gift from my ex-girlfriend and it makes me sad (even though I wore it all the time before we broke up, because it's really nice, because she has excellent taste). So I was vaguely sad when I got to work where it was all decorated for Valentine's Day and that didn't help. I listened on my break to the usual radio show, where I'm currently at the very very beginning of 2017, so it's largely taken up by John Robins discussing how he's just had a breakup and drank way too much during the painful bits leading up to and immediately after said breakup, so he's decided to do dry January to try to get better, and Elis made a joke about how February will be a big drinking month then, and he said no actually he kind of likes the idea that maybe the dry January will lead into just being less of an alcoholic in general and he'll keep it up, but then spends the next couple of episodes telling us that he keeps having harrowing dreams about drinking and then remembering his dry January promise and feeling horribly guilty about it, so it's nice to know I'm not the only person that's happened to. Less nice to know that I've read ahead to the February podcast descriptions and apparently he does start drinking heavily immediately after and continues this for about six more years, which is putting a bit of a damper on my using John Robins as inspiration to try to have my dry January turn into "be less of alcoholic overall", it's not going great (I mean, it wasn't going great anyway, I am not genuinely basing all my decisions off John Robins, I'm just saying I recognize his hope for extending dry January and how quickly that can seem like too big a goal).

Anyway, I decided that listening to John Robins talk about his then-very recent breakup on this day was too depressing (even though he's fairly justified in still being upset about that as he's at the beginning of the new year and it happened at the very end of the old year, while I'm at the beginning of a year thinking of a breakup that happened just over a year ago), so I decided to instead just put the Grace Petrie song on repeat for the rest of my break. You know, the one where every other breakup song that I listened to in the immediate aftermath was about the other person doing something wrong, and I said "Well this doesn't reflect my experience of a breakup", and then I thought of the one called Your Good Heart Is Wasted on Me and said "Ah yes, that is the thing I will listen to at this point in life."

Anyway, it's all right. I mean, it actually sort of kind of is. I'm not sad about it all the time anymore or anything, just a weird congruence of things today that made me temporarily sad about something that it's fairly normal to be sad about. It's almost nice to just had a normal day of being vaguely sad about a 14-month-old breakup and then angry about a rail replacement bus service, rather than, you know, mental health crisis. I'm having a rare day where I think broad light entertainment stand-up topics really do speak to my life.

Actually, I do have something tonight that sounds like it could be right out of a light entertainment stand-up story. It's the fact that I was planning to spend tonight at a comedy night I've not been to before, partly because I figured I'd only been to three of the many nights they run across the city and I should try some others, but if I'm honestly, mainly because it's produced by a woman who asked my brother if I was single like five months ago, and tonight she's also performing on the bill. That has to be a good place to go while being vaguely sad, right? But, like a Mock the Week panelist from 2012, I've had my plans derailed as the replacement bus service put me in a terrible mood and got me home later than planned so I'm not sure I'll bother now. I'll eat a sandwich and see how I feel.

...This has been an entirely unsolicited update on the very mundane aspects of my life. I really am doing sort of broadly fine at the moment, at least compared to a couple of weeks ago. But I would really like to drink some whiskey.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Is It SUPER Weird To Want To Ship Scratch x Glamrock-Chica...?

[Note: Mature Reader Audience Only....also reading this is optional, also this will talk about Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss ships and Crossover ships besides Scratch x Glamrock-Chica. and yeah it does get a bit off topic as well.]

not sure if many thought about this Crossover ship idea, that involves Scratch, the Robot Rooster who in a Sonic Cartoon and who is like the Older Brother of Grounder, and was made by Doctor Robotnik...

and Glamrock Chica from FNAF Security Breach, being ship together.

does it count as a crack-ship...?

I kind of want to Crossover OTP ship them, well maybe sometime I will draw a fan art with those two being ship together.

even if it might be the weirdest ship yet, but I'm weird and I'm way better when I'm weird and not when I get really mad or sad...

and a Crossover ship between Scratch The Robot Rooster and Glamrock Chica The Chicken, is just some idea that pop into my head and the chances of others ending up doing fan art of that crossover ship is possibly very small and not likely to happen very much.

but yeah, is it super weird that I want to ship Scratch from Sonic The Hedgehog with Glamrock-Chica from FNAF Security Breach...? XD

well I have seen other unsuspected and surprising ships,

like Charlie's Dad and Angel's Dad from Hazbin Hotel, being ship together....and as weird as it might be, I can't help but like their ship.

and I'm still gonna view that Mamtella name that I started to call Stella x Mammon's ship name (who are from Helluva Boss) as something that reminds me of food and yeah as weird as it sounds when I was talking about the ship name before, it ended up making me hungry. I wouldn't be surprise if others think that ship name kind of sounds like something you put on toast...

even if that ship never becomes canon, I can't help but love the idea of those two being together in the fanon.

I am the embodiment of weirdness who at times on certain days falls under the influence of the 8th sin, which I may have had before during those two depressions I had before if that counts.

[feel free to skip to the part where it goes back to talking about ships, Scratch x Glamrock-Chica will be in bold.]

also it might not be really all that easy for some to get back to being super happy like they were before and they have to make due with the happiness they can feel even after going through a depression in 2015 and then a year or so later ending up in another one...which I can't remember if that second depression ended up first starting in 2016 or 2017, but I know it lasted way longer than the first one and at some point after getting better from it, I got sick and started throwing up and my first cat was you know, leaving us...

and if my second cat wasn't taken to the vet on time, I would of ended up losing them too, and I refuse to lose them...

and if it were possible, I would go Feral Earth Angel on Archangel Samael. also maybe there can be no real proof that he is Cain's Dad...

and yes, Cain and Seth are both my and other humans own ancestors (and apparently I'm in the bloodline that has both Seth and Cain as Ancestors...which makes them both Grandpas and Grunkles), and even if it does turn out to be true that Samael is technically Cain's Dad...he still ain't the boss of me.

anyway the other thing that stinks, was that Covid-19 that happen...

hopefully things will become better, and certain Masculine ones will stop scapegoating all humankind, even if only half of them were involved in that mess...

and well I can talk about that kind of messed up thing another time, which I don't think it is even good at all, I mean where is the freaking justice in that...?

anyway maybe sometime I will talk about how I believe that human evolution and creation are correct and well even if those who are religious and some who are more into the explaining of how we got here through science would end up disagreeing with each other but they will have come to the idea that both of them are right.

as well as the whole possibility that Eve and Lilith share descendants that would be like the Evalith Bloodline, so jokes on Lilith if she tries to harm Eve and Adams descendants, because some of them are hers as well.

and back to talking about shipping Scratch x Glamrock-Chica...

if I'm able to, I will try to draw a fan art of those two...might not end up doing that many ship drawings of them but I will try to get around to working on the first one when I'm able to.

I also wouldn't mind shipping TFA-Blitzwing with Sundrop/Moondrop/Eclipsedrop which I think their ship name would be Blitzdrop.

I think it be funny if Moondrop scares Bumblebee, like Moony could tell Bumblebee to "take your nap." in a scary way.

and just picture Moondrop and Random-Blitzwing working together to try to make Bumblebee go and take a nap...

I think Blitzwing would enjoy that too much, well the Random side of him at least would really enjoy that.

and in a Crossover ship that is a mix of TFA, Hazbin Hotel and FNAF....if you add Husk, which by the way I still love Blitzhusk and it has become one of my favorite fanon crossover ships.

but hypothetically if Husk was ship with Blitzwing and Sunny/Moony/Eclipsey, would that count as a poly relationship or Husk having a Harem, since Sunny/Moony/Eclipsey while being different personalities that share the same body but also are their own person and could end up talking with each other even when they switch places when they have to take care of the kids in the daycare.

it could be possible that Moondrop and Alastor might get along a bit too well...even if it is in a fanon timeline.

and I guess Husk having Blitzwing and Sundrop/Moondrop/Eclipsedrop ship with him could count as both a poly relationship and Harem....maybe.

and it is possible that only some poly relationships can work, but not everyone has to do a poly and might feel more into a relationship when it's just two people.

and if I had to ship Grounder with anyone, I would probably ship him with Map-Bot from FNAF Security Breach....then again maybe I will have that as a maybe ship.

I'm still gonna OTP ship Scratch x Glamrock-Chica, even if it is a weird ship that maybe not everyone will ship, and it being possibly a crack-ship, it still seems interesting and seems like the good kind of weird type of ship. I'm weird and if I have weird ship ideas, than my wanting to ship Scratch with Glamrock-Chica is gonna be one of them.

and if I want to ship Husk with Sundrop/Moondrop/Eclipsedrop, then I might actually do that to.

picture Lockdown looking at Blitzwing and Sunny/Moony/Eclipsey and how they switch between their different personalities and Lockdown could be all like "oh no....there's two of them now!" XD

and even if I ask if wanting to ship Scratch and Glamrock-Chica together is super weird, I guess even without others telling me that it's super weird, I know it is but I like the idea of them being ship together even if it isn't canon. some of the best crossover ships are fanon only. :)

[scottpetersen]

DuckTales The Inter-Dimensional Swap Fanfic Chapter 4

Scrooge McDuck (2017) POV:

As me and Goldie’s counterpart were flying back to this world’s Duckburg, it was becoming harder and harder to ignore these feelings I was getting from Goldie’s counterpart.

“You alright, Mr. McD?” Launchpad’s counterpart asked me.

Curse me kilts! Even Launchpad’s counterpart was reminding me too much of my world’s version of him.

“Ugh. Please stop calling me that. It’s giving me too many strange feelings.” I said in a polite but exhausted tone.

“You got it, Mr. Mc-I mean Scrooge.” Launchpad’s counterpart replied.

“Thank you.” I replied gratefully.

We soon arrived back in this world’s Duckburg.

As we were making our way to this world’s version of my mansion, we were stopped by Fenton’s counterpart AKA Gizmoduck’s counterpart.

“Hello, Mr. McDuck!” Gizmoduck’s counterpart greeted.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I figured I should make sure you and your friends’ trip back to the mansion goes well.” Gizmoduck’s counterpart said and made sure whisper the next bit. “Especially considering you and your counterpart are in.”

“My family’s counterparts told you, didn’t they?” I asked out of curiosity.

Gizmoduck’s counterpart nodded.

“Why not.” I said. “I could use all the help I can get considering the situation.”

“Ok.” Gizmoduck’s counterpart replied.

We then continued on our way to my counterpart’s mansion.

“Who is this?” Goldie’s counterpart asked me no doubt referring to Gizmoduck’s counterpart.

“That is Gizmoduck. In my world, he was someone I entrusted to help Duckburg in my absence.” I replied. “One of the main reasons why I was so quick to trust him was because he reminded of a sheriff who helped me and your counterpart on a train heist for a gold nugget back during the time of the Old West.”

“A sheriff robbing a train?” Goldie’s counterpart said a wee bit perplexed. “Never thought I’d hear that combination of words.”

“It was to help save his town from being robbed of its mineral rights.” I replied.

Goldie’s counterpart nodded in surprising understanding.

As we were almost at the mansion, shadows came alive and attacked us.

As the culprit came out of hiding, I already knew it could only be one person: Magica De Spell’s counterpart!

“Magica De Spell!” I yelled. “You rapacious ogress!”

“Ah. Seems we have quite a bit of history in your world, eh.” Magica’s counterpart replied.

“Wait. How do you know about…” I started to say before it all came together. “You…”

“Correct, Scrooge. I put you and your counterpart in this little debacle. But I wasn’t the only one. My counterpart was able to use her magic to contact me in this world. And together, we came up with this marvelous scheme to use the Papyrus Of Binding to switch the 2 of you and thus pit the both of you against a version of us you are unfamiliar with. That way, you both will meet your demises.” Magica’s counterpart said as she took out the Papyrus Of Binding and went on a long monologue. “I could attempt to use this to make you and your counterpart perish. But after looking at it with my magic, I realized even the slightest miss wording will alter its effect. I didn’t care to look at it at first. But apparently, seeing my pet raven somehow reminded my counterpart of a brother she had named Poe De Spell and how he used to be so cautious. That made her advise me to exercise due caution with the Papyrus. So, I realized it’s best to be careful to ensure the death of my enemy.”

“So, all we have to do now is take the Papyrus from you.” I said smiling.

“You may try, yes.” Magica’s counterpart replied.

With that, we all started to fight Magica’s counterpart and her shadows!

-

Scrooge McDuck (1987) POV:

As we were on our way back to my other self’s mansion, it was getting more and more difficult to ignore these feelings I was getting from this world’s versions of Goldie and Louie.

“You feeling alright, sir?” this world’s Ms. Beakley asked me.

“I’m just getting a lot of strange feelings from this, Ms. Beakley.” I replied.

“Once you and your counterpart get back to your home dimensions, I’m sure things will start feeling normal again.” Ms. Beakley said.

“I hope you’re right.” I replied a wee bit anxiously.

When we made it back to my other self’s mansion, I noticed someone in an armored suit in the yard.

It’s this world’s Gizmoduck.

“Hello, everyone!” this world’s Gizmoduck shouted waving at us.

“Why are you here?” I asked curiously.

“You must be Mr. McD’s counterpart.” this world’s Gizmoduck said. “Your family’s counterparts told me about the situation you and your other self are in. So, I came to help in case the person who caused this shows up. I also equipped my suit with scanners specifically designed to detect energy signatures related to inter-dimensional which should come in handy given the situation.”

“Ok then.” I said accepting this world’s Gizmoduck’s aid. “Welcome aboard.”

This world’s Gizmoduck smiled enthusiastically at my response.

Suddenly, some kind of energy blast was fired right at us!

Thankfully, we all dodged just in time!

The one who fired the blast came out of the shadows.

And it was this world’s Magica De Spell!

“So, you’re Scrooge McDuck’s counterpart.” this world’s Magica said smiling wickedly.

“How do you know?” I asked before it suddenly dawned on me that she was behind this somehow.

“You see, Scrooge.” this world’s Magica began to monologue. “Me and my counterpart-”

“You and your counterpart partnered up to switch our Mr. McDuck with this one.” this world’s Ms. Beakley said interrupting this world’s Magica. “And judging by what my granddaughter and her friends found out earlier about the Papyrus Of Binding, you 2 were the ones who used the other version of the Papyrus Of Binding to do that.”

This world’s Magica scowled briefly for being interrupted. But then, she grinned before saying, “That’s right. Now, prepare to be annihilated.”

With that, we all began to fight this world’s Magica De Spell!

Notes: Ok. 2 more chapters to go. I was planning to do only 1 more before deciding 2 more might work better. Also, thanks for reading.

[glassprism]

Why do you think that the master of the newly released poto video with celia graham has waited until now with releasing it?

Without knowing why the master left in the first place, I can't say for certain, but I can give you some possibilities as to why masters leave and how it affects the chances of them coming back, as well as examples of bootlegs that have had a very long release lag time.

The first and biggest reason is: they got caught and suffered some pretty dire results. Depending on the consequences, this usually provides them an excellent reason not to film and/or release for a long time, or if they do, they keep on the very down-low. In this situation, you can expect that the filmer will either never return or will only come back after a very long time has passed. Some examples I know of:

The person who mastered many videos of the Phantom Broadway cast from 2013-2014 went to a performance and was told by management that they knew who she was and what she was doing and they would be watching her, so she understandably stopped after that

Two prolific German filmers got arrested some years ago (so if you're wondering why there were so many European videos from around 2013-2015 that abruptly stopped, now you know), and while they were released, they quite reasonably stopped mastering videos

The person who filmed the World Tour video of Jonathan Roxmouth was also, I believe, caught, hence why they released two boots in quick succession (and filmed a third that was not released because of technical issues) and then suddenly stopped

In countries like Japan and Korea, the consequences for bootlegging are apparently quite a bit worse, which is also why the trading community there is either very underground (Japan) or extremely paranoid (Korea)

Second reason: they left voluntarily. These are the ones who are more likely to return since they did not get in trouble or anything, they left for other reasons, though how long before they return can really vary. A few examples:

A pretty well-known filmer who did a lot of various Broadway and tour shows left because various issues in their life took over

Another quite well-known filmer got tired of leaks and, after many, many warnings, just up and left

One filmer from the 2000s left because they got quite tired of how the trading community in general had changed; that being said, they may have returned, as some videos they filmed in the 2010s suddenly started cropping up a couple years ago (which means they had a release lag time of about a decade)

The person who filmed several videos of Franc D'Ambrosio, Davis Gaines, Brad Little, and Peter Karrie, filmed them in 1998 but did not trade it out or anything because essentially, other things in life took over; it was 2020 when they finally got back around to their collection and digitizing them - so a gap of 22 years

Third reason: the video was lost or they thought it would not generate any interest or they were playing it safe and waiting a while, BUT they found it or something convinced them people wanted it or they decided enough time had passed. Examples off the top of my head:

A person who took audios of various Phantom non-replica shows in Sweden, Norway, and Finland, released theirs about a year later, stating that they had no idea people even wanted those shows

The master of the David Shannon and Gina Beck videos and the one of London's Love Never Dies post-changes took about 4-7 years to release them, for no reason as far as I can tell besides that they felt ready or safe enough to do so

One of the well-known filmers from the above list released a bunch of Phantom films from as far back as 2007, in 2017 (so about 10 years or so of lag time), again for no reason that I can discern, other than that maybe he had had them a while and had only just gotten around to digitizing and releasing them

And the last, most interesting reason for something being released: death. The person known as aurora spiderwoman on YouTube has videos going back to at least 1988 (they have video of the original Broadway cast of Phantom), and they'll post clips of them, but it's well-known that none of it will be released until they have passed (so 34 years and counting until that video's release, if you want to think of it that way). And a recently released highlights video of Michael Crawford in LA, filmed in 1991, was only released into wider trading circles in 2021 because the filmer, who wanted it kept strictly not to be shared further, passed away, and one of the few people who had it figured it was safe to share now.

So I guess what I'm saying is: if you a 16 year lag time on release is long, look at the 20 to 30 year ones! (And counting...)

[xalygatorx]

Powerless (2017) | Chapter 4, "One of Us"

Years after Sarah’s wit and bravery saved her brother and brought the Labyrinth to its knees, her daughter Andie is transported to what remains of that same fantastical place, somewhere she thought only existed in her favorite childhood stories. To find her way back home, she must traverse what’s left of the crumbling kingdom, find a way to set both moments and magic in motion again, and even save the Goblin King, himself. But who will save her from him?

Powerless is a SFW slow-burn romance between Jareth and an original female character. The story overall contains descriptions of fantasy violence, mild suggestive content, and grief regarding family illness. Chapter-by-chapter warnings will be provided as well.

Summary: Andie is accosted by bored goblins and saved by her mother’s old friends and some new faces. A crack in the path drops her down into an old oubliette, where she contrastingly finds herself in the presence of Sarah’s old foe.

Pairing: Jareth x Fem!OC

Warnings: None

Word Count: 4k

Andie was munching on a sandwich from her pack when she happened upon the same small courtyard amidst the hedges as an hour prior and realized she had walked herself around in a circle. She whined a little and then swallowed the bite of food, thinking back to which direction she took last time. 

"What a miserable, frustrating place," she sighed as she went straight this time around. "I wish—" However, she left it at that, just shaking her head instead of finishing, not knowing what she'd wish for anyway, even if it did matter.

"Well?!" cried a high, grating voice above her, causing her to look up. At first she feared it was one of those chicken monsters again, but saw it was, in fact, a small, hideously ugly being that more fit the bill of a troll. Or maybe a…

"A goblin?" she wondered aloud.

"That doesn't make any sense!" it erupted in its impish way. "Don't you know how to make a proper wish?!"

"Should I?" Andie countered.

"Why shouldn't you?" it demanded. "Didn't you learn a thing last time?!"

"’Last time’!" she scoffed. "I've never been here before in my life!"

"Didn't you come here to find that baby of yours?" it wondered, its bulging eyes alight with bewilderment.

"No," Andie said simply.

"Oh," it muttered. "Well, you must've wished for something at some times or another!"

"Apparently, I haven't been doing it the proper way," she murmured, growing annoyed as she quickened her already brisk pace to get away from the little pest.

"Well, go on then, try again!" it persisted.

"Why?!" she finally shouted, stopping and turning to where it was crawling across the top of the hedge.

"Because we haven't had a wish in thousands of years," it muttered reasonably. "We misses it."

"So, what, you can swindle people?!"

"Well… Yes."

Andie threw her hands up in the air and ranted, "Thousands of years, everyone keeps saying that, have you all been alive that long or are you all so fond of hyperbole that it's become a cultural norm?!"

"A what?" it muttered, baffled, before shrugging its wrinkly shoulders. "Time don't move anymore."

That gave Andie pause enough to calm the flare in her temper. "Wait, why not?"

The little creature shook its head. "Never you mind. Doesn't matter no more! Grab 'er!"

"What?" Andie demanded just as suddenly she felt hands grabbing at her legs and a weight launch onto her shoulders. "Hey!" While the goblin had apparently done its job of distracting her, its comrades had snuck up behind her and they were attempting to send her to the ground for better leverage.

"We'ven't turned no one for some time neither!" one goblin cackled maniacally.

"This one ain't no baby!" the one on her shoulders squealed disdainfully.

"Doesn't matter, just takes a bit longer!"

"Let go of me!" Andie growled, attempting to tear the goblin off her back, but nearly tripping instead as the goblins hurled themselves at the backs of her knees. While she fought with one hand, she tried to get the dagger out of her belt loop—where she'd temporarily stowed it to free up both hands to eat and have a sip of lukewarm tea—with the other, but the curvy blade was too secure and would not come out. She thought she was done for when suddenly the ranks began to change.

"Tally-ho!" came a cry from a short distance over. An explosive boom sounded and suddenly what appeared to be a cannonball with legs was hurtling through the air and collided with the goblin atop the hedge, both of them going over the other side in a fit of limbs. "Now, Ambrosius, charge! Not that way!"

"We've got you surrounded!" came another gravelly goblin voice. Other cackles and cries of agreement rose up and then there were the distinct clangs of swords and more cannon fire as what sounded like a fight commenced. A deep, resonating roar rose up and the ground shook, boulders rolling past the end of the path Andie was on toward the commotion, surprised goblin shouts going up as a new clanging began to sound.

Taking that distraction to kick the goblins off her legs and hurl the one off her back, she caused them all to scramble from the commotion and leave her standing, roughed up, in the maze path alone. "What the hell is going on?" Andie murmured, hearing the noise build as she moved forward to try to investigate without getting in the middle of whatever was happening. She peeked around the corner and saw half a battalion of armored goblins equipped with cannons, spears, and swords being mauled by autonomously moving rocks, but that was all she could tell before having to jump back to avoid what appeared to be a sheepdog running past.

"Ambrosius! Stop this instant!" It was then she realized there was a rider atop the dog who looked like a little dog, himself, in a feathered hat and guardsman attire. Andie was so distracted by the dogs that she didn't notice the battle migrating closer as the goblins were forced back. "Must I bring food into this every time?! Halt at once!" The sheepdog apparently named Ambrosius skidded to a stop and whined before slowly turning around, panting pathetically. "Now!" the rider began again, but paused when he spotted Andie. "Oh… Is that you, my lady?"

Andie started to reply when the cavalry opposing the goblins appeared: a stocky fellow with a bulbous nose that she could only classify as a dwarf, a lanky gray creature that resembled a tall version of one of the goblins, and what appeared to be a carved sandstone chimera with the body of a lion, the head of a woman, and arched wings upon its back. Her eyes widened on the group and suddenly the roar of earlier split the air again just inches from her on the other side of the wall and she shrieked, instinctively ducking away. That got the dwarf's attention and he looked at her, his large eyes widening. "Sarah?!"

A new storm of boulders came tumbling through, finally inspiring the goblins to flee the premise, all of them muttering in high-pitched tones as they retreated. Andie watched them go before looking toward the group who was now focused on her. It finally registered in her mind what the dwarf had called her. "No…," she murmured, shaking her head. "No, I'm not Sarah."

"You're her spitting image," the terrier astride the saddled sheepdog pointed out gently.

Andie nodded a little and—in hopes it would gain her some allies, as these creatures clearly were familiar with her mother—revealed for the first time since entering the Labyrinth, "Sarah is my mother. My name is Andie."

"Andie, eh? How did you get here?" the grey goblinish creature asked suspiciously.

She shot him a grumpy look. "It's a bit of a long story."

"Sarah's your mother?" the dwarf asked in awe. "How is she? Did she come with you?"

Andie regarded him thoughtfully. "She is and she's…fine. But no, she didn't come with me. I'm here quite by accident, to be honest with you. But… Who are you?"

"Oh, right, sorry… My name is Hoggle," the dwarf said amiably, still seeming to doubt somewhat that she wasn't who she said she was and was, in fact, Sarah playing a joke or something of the sort.

"And I am Sir Didymus, your ladyship! And of course, this is Ambrosius," the terrier said with a grand gesture to his furry steed.

"How lucky," Andie said with relief. "Aldo and Grita told me to find you both."

"They are still quite well? Wonderful!" Didymus exclaimed. "We lost contact with them quite some time ago."

"I," the greyish goblin began with a bit of a glare thrown toward Didymus, as if he were impertinent for speaking at that particular moment, "am Nyle. It is a pleasure… Andie. Is that a shortened name?"

Andie looked at Nyle warily—something about him just gave her the creeps, but she told herself it was only his looks—and replied, "Erm, yes. For Cassandra."

"Hm, I prefer that," he noted and she decided that he unnerved her so because he was less comically repulsive than the other goblins. There was a sharpness to his features and his eyes were yellow and cold as a snake's. Had he not those reptilian features in addition to the grey skin she'd discovered was signature to the goblins, he may have been handsome. Instead, he just seemed dangerous.

Andie though, impervious to this intimidating move, muttered, "Well, I prefer Andie."

He sneered and she was surprised a long thin tongue didn't flick between his teeth when he replied, "Fine then."

"Leona," the lion woman purred, smiling to reveal rows of sharp, pointed teeth.

It finally occurred to Andie what the chimera reminded her of. "Are you perchance a sphinx?"

Leona delicately raised her stone brow. "Why, yes. However did you know?"

"Stories from my world," Andie said. "I thought sphinxes guarded gateways though?"

"I did once," Leona said, nodding. "But ever since the Labyrinth fell, that duty became null and void. Anything can get anywhere now if said thing is only patient."

Andie nodded; in its own backward way, that did make sense. Her skimming gaze met Hoggle's and he seemed to be embarrassed by the eye contact. "Well, come on, we have a camp nearby," he grumbled, walking back the way they'd come. He tilted his head back shortly after heading over that way, "Well, it's about time you join us! You missed all the good stuff!" She had turned the corner before looking to where Hoggle was speaking and gasped at the beast before them, the definition of the modern day Bigfoot. Or a strangely enormous orangutan. Hoggle looked at Andie's expression and said, "Ah, right. This is Ludo. He's harmless."

Ludo looked down at her and his eyes grew wide. "SARAH?"

"No, Ludo. This is Andie."

"Andie…," Ludo tested out the name, pondering it before looking at her again. "Andie friend?"

Andie stumbled over her words, but managed to say in a voice breathy with shock, "Oh, um, yes. Friend."

The beast was appeased by that and gave a very toothy smile, which—in a strange way—comforted her. He seemed like a gentle giant and Andie was simply glad making one friend in this bunch was so easy. The rest seemed like they might be challenges, particularly because—unfairly—she wasn't her mother.

"So," Leona began after they'd all managed to settle in the campsite and get some provisions cooking over the small fire. "How did you say you arrived here?"

Andie looked at her, again marveling at her mythical appearance. She looked like she'd come straight off an Egyptian hieroglyph. "Accidentally," she replied, the dried meat being warmed making her mouth water as the smell began to waft into the air. She'd contributed the remainder of her sandwiches and tea to the party as a gesture of friendship, knowing allies outweighed her need for food at the moment and assuming she'd do best with bartering for them to start. "I took a crystal paperweight that looked like a peach—," Hoggle gasped and she paused in confusion before slowly continuing, "—from my mother's house and when I got it home, I cut my finger on it and, next I knew, I was here and getting chased down and nearly tricked by everything I came into contact with."

"Not the guardsmen of the doors?" Nyle asked dubiously. "You would have fallen into a trap had you gotten their riddle wrong."

"Oh, no, that was one of the easiest challenges," Andie said, shaking her head, which surprised the lot of them based on their expressions. "Those orange chickens were the worst."

"Orange whats?"

It hadn't occurred to Andie that chickens might not be known here. "Those large creatures with orange and pink feathers? Long snouts? Tossing their limbs every which way?"

"Oh, you mean the Fireys. Bad luck running into them first thing," Hoggle noted, shaking his head with disapproval.

"Indeed," Leona murmured, equally exasperated at just the mere mention of the creatures.

"Then this peach crystal… Do you still have it?" Hoggle asked nervously.

"Technically, yes," Andie said as she took the dagger from her hip, wiggling it free of the loop, which had proved to be a bad storage idea during her confrontation with the goblins. "But when I got here and dropped it, it turned into this."

"May I?" Hoggle asked, his eyes lighting up at the sight of the shiny, glimmering blade.

"I wouldn't trust him with that," Nyle said with another one of his sneers. "He tends to keep treasures."

"Oh, quiet, I'm not insufferable," Hoggle snapped, appeased when Andie trusted him to hold the blade. He examined it and paled slightly. "Oh, yes… This is Jareth's work, as expected."

Andie arched a brow. "Jareth? The worms said it was goblin magic."

"It is. Jareth is their king," Hoggle told her. "I'm surprised Sarah never told you."

"She did, but as a story when I was little. It's been so long, I don't remember much of it now," Andie admitted.

"Well," Hoggle said as he handed her back the dagger and she noticed that he had a collection of trinkets on his person, among them what looked like a costume bracelet. She wondered if that had been her mom's. "I'm not sure how you got here or why, but you're not alone here. You're welcome to stay with us while you search for answers. And, should you need us…" He glanced at Didymus with a bit of a sad look in his eyes.

The terrier frowned slightly as well. "Yes. What Hoggle is trying to say, milady, is, should you need us, we will be here at your disposal. It is the least we can do for an old friend. And a new one, it seems."

Andie smiled and it was perhaps her most genuine one since arriving to this baffling place. "Thank you. Both of you." Ludo was quiet, as were Leona and Nyle, but she got the impression that they were all on the same page as well. Particularly Ludo, who was content to listen and beam happily at her from time to time. "My mom was lucky to have met such loyal friends while she was here."

"We were lucky to have met her, as well," Didymus said, nodding. "She is a special young lady. A special young lady, indeed!"

"I do believe the meat is done," Nyle droned lazily and Hoggle hastily took the dried meat, now slightly charred, off the iron plate they'd used to heat it, placing it in a bowl and sending it around the circle.

After all the food was parted out, everyone drifted to separate parts of the camp and Andie ate quietly toward the far side of the small courtyard, sitting with her back against the wall. She felt eyes on her soon enough and looked up to see if she was correct in feeling like she was being watched. Her eyes first landed on Nyle, who was openly studying her from the other side of the clearing and did not stop after being caught. She stared back at him boldly and, after a moment, he simply smirked and went back to eating. He was a strange one, but they were all friends, so Andie couldn't believe Hoggle and Didymus in particular would allow a traitor or cad in their elite little group. At least, not actively.

She soon found that Nyle was not the only one looking her way when she glanced right, finding Hoggle hesitating nearby and looking conflicted about approaching her. "Something wrong?" she asked, prompting him to respond.

"Oh, no, I just… May I?"

"Of course. I'm the outsider here, you can do as you please."

Hoggle shook his head as he sat down with her. "Not at all, I—I mean Sir Didymus is glad we all ran into each other." He coughed to cover up his nerves and Andie refrained from smiling at his attempt to appear less sensitive.

"So, you, Ludo, and Sir Didymus knew my mother, right?" she asked him before placing the last bite of a sandwich in her mouth.

"We certainly did. All ended up helping her along in her quest. She couldn't of done it without us," he said toughly. "Though, I was awful lonely before she showed up. Don't tell her I said that."

"I won't," Andie said, her smile coming through a little at that. "The others I've met think she brought the Labyrinth crashing down. That she beat, er, Jareth?"

"She did. She beat him at his own game, but none of us had a clue of what was at stake. It was worth it to her to get her brother back, but the entire Labyrinth seemed to crumble and shatter after she denied him."

"Denied him?"

"It became clear that he was convinced that he was in love with her," Hoggle said in a lowered tone.

"Just convinced? Not actually?"

"To me, yes. Just convinced. I can't imagine treating someone I loved like he treated her. Sending a cleaner after her and wiping her memory and doing everything in his power to make her fail… Even if he did need an heir to his goblin throne," Hoggle scoffed.

Andie nodded knowingly. "That makes a lot of sense. So Uncle Toby, er, her brother was supposed to be his heir?"

"I think any baby would have done, but yes, Sarah's brother was the one he took."

"How did that happen?"

"Well, she asked him to," Hoggle said as if it were obvious. "She wished for him to and it was like fate handed him the perfect situation. And goblins take wishes very seriously. More seriously than anyone. The problem is that they're also manipulative and tend to love loosely worded wishes… And prideful, which was probably why he was so offended when she didn't want his gifts over her brother after wishing him away." He shook his head. "Goblins are the worst…"

"You're very insightful, Hoggle," Andie commented and she could've sworn the dwarf blushed.

"Oh, uh… Thank you," he said embarrassedly.

"You're welcome. I think I'm going to wander a little and scope out what's nearby. I still want to make it to the castle at the center of the Labyrinth, but for now I'm enjoying spending time here. Thanks again for letting me stay."

"Of course." Andie began to stand and paused when she heard, "Sarah, er, I mean, Andie? Sorry, you just look so much like her at a fast glance, it's habit."

"It's okay. I never thought we looked that much alike until I ended up here and everyone began mistaking me for her."

Hoggle waved her closer and she leaned in to hear what he had to say. "Be careful of who you tell about being Sarah's daughter, all right?"

"I have been up until I came across you all," Andie assured him easily.

"Good, but I mean it. Especially if you happen to run into Jareth." He shifted uncomfortably. "No one's seen him since the Labyrinth collapsed, but he might just be the most dangerous one to you in this world. It would do you well to keep what you can about yourself under wraps from now on."

"I understand, but I'm not my mother… Would he really fault me for something I didn't do?"

"Before Sarah showed up and changed everything for us all, no one expected him to do half of what he did," Hoggle admitted. "He was more or less a recluse—dangerous if crossed, but otherwise neutral and still biased toward the goblins—but his encounter with Sarah brought out sides of him I doubt even he anticipated. Something changed for the wilder in him and who knows who he is now. Or if he even is at all anymore."

Andie nodded. "Just in case he is… I'll be careful. Thank you." She paused. "Speaking of careful… Is Nyle…?"

"Strange. But he has proven to be a good ally," Hoggle said quietly.

"Is he a goblin?"

"He's half-transformed. Another baby stolen by Jareth before Sarah came along. He retains human size and features, but you can see the aspects of him that changed… His demeanor is split at times, too."

Andie nodded, feeling a new sense of pity for the half-goblin, half-man. "Right… Okay. I'll see you soon." She stood up and set her empty slab by the fire, heading toward the path that led off from the courtyard. She felt eyes on her again, but didn't turn this time to distinguish who it might be.

Andie swore as a bramble stabbed her wrist and she chose another less thorny patch of hedge to grip as she tried to haul herself up to the top and peer over for a better view. She'd not gone far, but wanted to get a plan in order before she set out for the castle, which she decided she'd do in a day or two. She was restless and wanted to get back home to her ailing mother and weary family. She was starting to realize, now that she had found a place of security in the Labyrinth and had met individuals she at least trusted not to pull off her head or turn her into a goblin, that what was really pulling her toward an end to all this was a sense of duty. She wasn't as desperate as before and she could only wonder why that was, as monstrous as this place could be.

After getting an idea of what direction she'd need to take, she shifted back down the hedge, noting a small crack in the path that she wasn't sure had been there before. "Hmph," she scoffed dismissively before landing just left of it, only to have the earth breath beneath her feet. She screamed and could feel the tunnel walls actually grabbing at her, her eyes squeezed shut until she was very suddenly yanked to a stop in mid-fall.

She slowly opened her eyes, which shot wide when she saw what seemed to be a bunch of hands creating the shape of a face before her. "Can we lend you a hand?" it laughed, the fingers moving as a makeshift mouth in time with the disembodied voice.

"Wh-What are you?!"

"Why, we're helping hands, of course!" claimed another face, this one with different features, but still made of the same uniformly configured hands. "Now, where to?"

"Where to? What do you mean?" she stuttered.

"Up or down?"

"Um…," Andie murmured, looking down and then up and wondering where she'd come from. Both just looked like spots of light at the end of the tunnel and she'd tumbled end over end so many times, what if she'd gotten turned around? Could she trust physics here? What if she chose wrong? "Which direction did I fall from?"

"Shouldn't you know that?!"

"Do we look like we have eyes, girl?"

"Up or down?!"

"Um… Up?" she squeaked.

They laughed. "She said up!" One added, "Your up or our up?"

"…What's the difference?"

"Everything!" they said together and just started handing her end over end until she hadn't a clue of which direction they were "helping" her toward. At least until they had her dangling by one foot, promptly letting go so she landed on her face.

She spit out a piece of dirt and looked around, finding herself standing in a dim spot of light in utter darkness with nothing beneath her but more dirt. "You bastards! Get back here!" she shouted up at the tunnel, the opening no more than a speck of light now. "Hoggle! Ludo! Didymus, help!" she cried up into the tunnel, but she knew it was no use. Those stupid hands were still laughing at her in their strange, ghostly way.

"Well, well," said a voice in the darkness, "aren't you a sight for sore eyes."

Next chapter: Chapter 5, "Everything I've Done"

[refinedbuffoonery]

Flawless (10)

Con Artist AU. masterlist.

This ending of this chapter has existed since the very beginning. To those of you who have stuck around to read it: thank you and I love you. 

The painting mentioned in this chapter— “Woman-Ochre” by Willem de Kooning—is a real painting that had an exhibition dedicated to it in the Getty this summer. The story I tell about it is true; it was stolen from the U of A Museum of Art in 1985 and was recovered in 2017. The rest, of course, is fictional. 

*****

“Let’s do a job,” Riley announced over lunch, causing Leanna to choke on an oyster.  

They were at a Santa Monica seafood restaurant that overlooked the ocean and, since they’re both rich and could easily afford it, had gone all out on today’s lunch. They ordered a trio of appetizers—oysters on the half-shell, miniature uni tacos, and an off-menu surprise selected by the chef (an ex of Cage’s that the Five Eyes remained on good terms with)—and split a plate of caviar nachos. The tiny patio was packed with customers dressed in L.A. finery: well-made clothes that were a mix of trendy and timeless, paired with Rainbow flip flops and dark sunglasses. 

Things between her and Leanna had officially returned to as normal and not-weird as they were going to get, so all that was left was to entice Leanna to come back to the fun side. Leaning forward, Riley conspiratorially whispered, “Tonight.” 

Dropping the empty oyster shell onto her plate, Leanna hissed, “Are you crazy?” Her eyes widened and her head cocked slightly to the left—an expression that, after a decade of being on the receiving end of it, no longer fazed Riley. However, that didn’t make her judgmental stare any less annoying. 

“Stop looking at me like that. And also stop worrying. I already have the whole thing planned out.” She tossed back an oyster. 

Leanna muttered something that sounded like, “Good for you.” 

The job came to Riley, quite literally, in a dream. After hearing on the news last night that a da Vinci sketch had been stolen from the Getty Museum, Riley reached out to a few of her old contacts—contacts she met through Nikki—to see if they knew which of LA’s lowlifes pulled off the job. 

They did. 

Unfortunately for her, Riley happened to be well acquainted with this particular group of lowlifes, on both a professional and personal level, although she hadn’t spoken to any of them in years. And for good reason. 

The Getty job was pulled off by none other than the Coltons, a notorious take-no-shit crime family and Riley’s ex- potential in-laws. 

The only positive was that thanks to Mama Colton’s desperate attempt to recruit Riley to the family business, she knew exactly how they operated. Which meant she also knew how to con them into screwing up their own con. Riley left that part out of her explanation, but Leanna likely knew her train of thought anyway. 

“Ri, this isn’t a good idea.” Leanna chewed her lower lip—a nervous habit she broke years ago but had apparently returned. Her eyes flicked to each of the nearby tables, checking for eavesdroppers, but no one paid them any mind. Riley had already checked. 

Despite Leanna’s doubt, Riley refused to be deterred. “Sure it is. Listen. It’ll be easy. All we have to do is—” Leanna cut her off before she could explain her plan. 

“I’m not participating in this.” 

“Sure you are.” 

A measured sip of water. “How many times do I have to tell you? I’m done with that life.” 

Disbelieving, Riley’s voice fell to a near whisper as she said, “But you came back.” 

“I came back for my friend. Not to be a criminal again.” 

“Sorry to inform you, your friend is a criminal,” Riley spat. She’d had enough of Leanna’s new holier-than-thou attitude. She was no less of a criminal than Riley. The only difference was that one of them had a rap sheet and the other a government paycheck. 

Leanna covered Riley’s hands with her own, and Riley stiffened. “You don’t have to be. You can leave, just like I did. Get a real job with a steady paycheck. Have health insurance and a retirement fund.” 

“I don’t need a retirement fund.” She didn’t bother to hide the bitterness in her voice. 

Rolling her eyes, Leanna pressed, “It’s about the principle of it all.” She squeezed Riley’s hands. “Let go, Ri.” 

Riley pulled away, folding her hands in her lap. “I can’t.” 

“Why.” It came out as more of a demand than a question. Leanna slurped down another oyster, her endlessly calm demeanor only pissing Riley off more. 

“I like what I do. I like living on this side of the law.” 

Leanna scoffed, “You’re an adrenaline junkie who likes attempting impossible things just to see if you can pull them off.” 

“And I can,” Riley said, gritting her teeth.  

“You got lucky.” 

“Last I checked, you’ve spent years benefitting from that luck.” When Leanna didn’t rise to the bait, Riley muttered, “Whatever.” 

Where did Leanna get off thinking she had any right to judge her? Her best friend of eleven years was no better than her, despite Leanna’s newfound superiority complex proclaiming otherwise. 

Just growing pains, Riley thought. We’ll get through this. 

But a petty argument wouldn’t sway Leanna. It never had, nor would it now. She would have to be strategic to convince Leanna to give up her 9 to 5. Riley resumed eating, pretending she didn’t feel like their friendship was fraying at the seams, and said, “Well, the offer stands if you change your mind.” 

“I won’t.” 

Riley let her have the last word, biting her tongue hard enough that it bled.

*****

Perched on top of a hill overlooking West L.A., the Getty Museum was a haven for tourists and locals alike—at least those willing to brave the 405 in order to get there. Since it was technically autumn—although it still felt like summer—the gardens were in a sad, but natural stage of half-brown, and smoke from a distant wildfire plumed on the horizon. It was far enough away that Riley wouldn’t have to worry about evacuating. 

Fires burning in the distance always led to fires burning at home. The stress of waiting for everything to go up in flames was a breeding ground for strife. 

Living in L.A. her whole life, the scent of wildfire smoke in the air set Riley on edge. It was a slow kind of anxiety—always waiting for the other shoe to drop, prepared for the worst-case scenario to become reality. She’d only been at risk of losing her home once, as a child, but after her fair share of evacuations, even the slightest risk brought her childhood fear back to the surface. 

She ducked into the museum quickly, not lingering in the gardens like she usually would, and the filtered air was a sweet relief. 

To avoid suspicion, Riley planned on doing a lap of at least two wings of the museum, one of which would include the scene of the crime. 

Ironically, one of the exhibits she passed featured a painting called “Woman-Ochre” that had been recently recovered after its theft in 1985. According to the plaque, it had been cut out of its frame; a man cut it out while a woman distracted museum security. Nikki probably knew more about it, including the identities of the thieves. 

The rest of the exhibit detailed the restoration process, which Riley didn’t care about. Instead, she studied the painting itself to figure out what made this one theft-worthy. Depicting a woman’s torso, it was mostly abstract except for the boobs, which were perfectly clear. Riley rolled her eyes and continued walking. 

She wound her way through the halls until she reached the area blocked-off with police tape, an empty space on the wall. 

She thought about sandpipers and the risks she was willing to take for a reward. After two years of being clean, it was no wonder Leanna’s threshold of acceptable risk was so much lower than before. It was no wonder she hesitated. But for Riley. . . those two years only made her risk tolerance higher, not lower. 

Automatically, Riley’s brain mapped the museum, cataloging potential ways in and out until she determined the most probable path the Coltons took to steal the sketch unseen. The LAPD had no leads on the thief, but Riley knew the Coltons’ style, and an immaculate job such as this was one only an elite few could pull off—a group that included both the Coltons and, until recently, the Five Eyes. 

Maybe Leanna had a point, but at the end of the day, this was Riley’s life. She couldn’t just give it up. She didn’t know anything else. 

She might’ve once, back when her teenage self discovered the power in hacking. She was good too, but all her attempts to get a job that would actually challenge her skills were ruined by doubting, sexist interviewers who saw a beautiful young woman and decided there was no way that face matched her resume. 

Her friends at the time—Kai and Peyton, also hackers—diverged; privileged Peyton landed a nice job with assistance from a little nepotism, and Kai broke the trio’s promise of being “the good guys” and became a black hat hacker. 

It was Riley who tried the longest, who kept applying to job after job, went to interview after interview, all with the same result: No. 

Not to say that was all for nothing, because it was walking home from yet another failed interview that Riley met Nikki. 

She stopped applying for jobs after that. 

Entering Nikki’s favorite wing, Riley continued to wander, fantasizing about how good it would feel when Billy Colton realized she ruined his perfect job.

*****

She texted Leanna. Offer: meet me at this address in an hour. We’ll intercept the Coltons before they can finish the job

Leanna replied immediately. Counteroffer: Meet me at your apartment in an hour, and I’ll help you get back on the right side of the law.

Riley didn’t respond. Leanna would come around eventually. She was sure of it.

*****

Nails drumming across glossy red paint, Riley sat on the sun-warmed hood of the truck, leaning back against the windshield, and waited. The truck was sleek. New. Well, it probably had thirty thousand miles on it by now, but the Coltons bought it to replace their previous gas guzzler right after she’d broken up with Billy, right before she’d gone to prison. 

The point was that Riley had never ridden in it, and thus it was new to her. 

It was parked in an average suburban parking lot, part of an average suburban strip mall which housed an average suburban bank. It was one of the national chains, with locations in cities big and small. Riley kept her money in a better one, but she could see the appeal for a family who never stayed too long in one place. 

When they weren’t thieving, however, the Coltons ran an art forging business out of their backwoods diner. While the diner certainly wasn’t as lucrative as their dealings in the art world, it had a most loyal customer base. 

There was a time when Riley was one of them. 

Now, however, she’d like nothing more than to take a chunk out of the Coltons’ profits, rather than contribute. 

Oversized purse slung over her shoulder, none other than Mama Colton herself exited the bank, her daughter Jesse in tow. Upon spotting Riley, her immaculate red manicure vanished as she momentarily clenched her fist around her purse strap. Good. That meant Riley caught her off-guard. 

Riley’s lips curved into a satisfied smirk. “Nice to see you again, Mama.” 

“Can’t say I share that sentiment,” Mama replied. Behind her, Jesse slowly reached for the gun Riley knew she had concealed beneath her leather jacket. She wouldn’t shoot—or even take aim—without an order from Mama. And while Mama likely still hated Riley, murder wasn’t her style. Riley was perfectly safe. 

Mama and Jesse walked all the way to the front of their truck, but Riley didn’t budge from her perch on the hood. Instead, her sneer only grew. 

“I’ve always wanted to do a job at the Getty,” Riley drawled, “but all that driving on the 405 never seems worth it.” 

“Funny,” Jesse replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Please.” Riley hopped down from the hood. The metal was starting to burn her skin through her black jeans. “I just came to see if you still stash stolen art beneath the backseat. A horrible idea, really. Anyone could break in and steal it. You wouldn’t want that, now would you?” 

But Mama didn’t balk at her thinly veiled threat. Worse, she laughed. 

“Bless your heart for looking out for us, but there’s nothing to worry about. The boys already fenced it.” Mama had a poker face that could fool God, but the victorious gleam in Jesse’s eyes made Riley inclined to believe Mama’s claim. 

Riley was too late. 

“Now,” Mama continued, “you best be running along. You’ve already screwed over one of my children, and there will be consequences if you come after my family again. Now kindly get away from my truck.” 

For the record, what happened between Riley and Billy was not her fault. 

Mama walked past Riley like she wasn’t even there, but Jesse shoulder-checked her—she learned that from her older brothers—and held up a middle finger behind her back. Mama couldn’t see the gesture, but Riley couldn’t miss it, and for a few horrible seconds she was right back in prison. Standing in the cafeteria, standing in the yard. Before she knew better. That move was the precursor to a beating, and she knew damn well that Jesse could brawl with the best and win. 

Once, there was a time when Riley was beloved by the Coltons, instead of hated. Once, she found herself as the lynchpin in some of the family’s most ambitious jobs. Once, Jesse even worshiped her as the older sister she’d always wanted. 

But breakups were between more than just the couple in question, and no matter the truth of the situation, family would always side with family, which means Billy would always have their full support and Riley would always be the villain of that story. 

Just another example of people who swore they cared, and then left. 

Riley watched them drive off, alone and empty-handed.

*****

She was thirty minutes late meeting Leanna back at her apartment. The key was barely out of the lock and she could already tell Leanna was pissed. She sat on one of the barstools, arms crossed and glaring hard enough to put a hole through Riley’s chest. 

“You’re late,” Leanna snapped. The old Leanna did appreciate punctuality. Riley supposed the scolding was warranted. Sort of. 

“Hello to you too.” Riley dropped her keys on the counter. Poured herself a drink of water. 

For a moment, the only sound was the clinking of the ice in her glass. 

“You went after the Coltons, didn’t you.” It wasn’t a question. 

Refusing to give her the instant satisfaction of being right, Riley opened the fridge in search of a snack. She did a double take. Leanna had reorganized the whole thing, throwing out old leftovers and labeling everything else. It was immaculate. Nothing was where Riley had put it. Bristling, Riley challenged, “So what if I did?” 

“It was a bust, wasn’t it?” 

Damn her, for knowing. For figuring it out. Damn her. Damn her. Damn her. 

“Who was there?” 

Rapidly losing her appetite, Riley closed the fridge without taking anything out. She answered, “Mama and Jesse.” 

“Describe their body language.” 

“Jesse looked entirely too pleased with herself, but that’s normal for her.” 

“And Mama?” 

“If Mama Colton lied, we’d never know. She’s too good. You said so yourself years ago.” 

Leanna persisted anyway. “That was before I became a trained interrogator for the CIA. Now tell me exactly what she did. No detail is too small.” 

The reminder of Leanna’s new job stung. Especially after Riley had done such a good job not thinking about it. But even she had to admit Leanna’s new skills could come in handy. 

Closing her eyes, Riley replayed her exchange with the Coltons. “She was holding her purse with one hand. Relaxed posture. She put her free hand in her pocket when she was done speaking.” 

“She lied.” 

“What?” Riley’s eyes snapped open. “How the hell do you know?” 

“The oddly-timed gesture,” Leanna explained. “If she were telling the truth, she would’ve put her hand in her pocket before or while speaking, not after. Liars tend to have delayed hand gestures.” 

“Damn, okay,” Riley said, impressed, but that feeling quickly melted into annoyance at being lied to. Thinking out loud, she said with increasing speed, “We can still salvage this. Even if they’ve already fenced it, I know what dealer they sold it to—they always use the same one—and we can convince him the Coltons sold him a fake. He’ll believe it too, since Frank and Billy run that forgery business on the side. It’s—” 

“Riley, I don’t think—”

“—not that hard. Nikki and I have done it before and—” 

“Riley!” Leanna yelled. 

“What?” Riley yelled back. 

They mirrored each other now, standing on opposite sides of the counter, arms crossed. Both used to the other listening when they spoke, not whatever the hell this was. 

“For the last time, I’m not doing a job with you. Stop fucking assuming I’ll change my mind.” 

It was her most blatant rejection yet, and it hit like a punch to the throat. Gasping for air, Riley scrambled to figure out why. This wasn’t like Leanna. This wasn’t who she was. 

“I’m CIA. I can’t do shit like this anymore.” 

“You’re a wanted criminal in seventeen countries,” Riley reminded her. “For grand theft.” 

“I’m a wanted criminal in twenty-four countries,” Leanna corrected. Riley raised her brows. “You didn’t think I had a desk job, did you?” 

Riley snorted. “You’re not the type.” 

Finally, Leanna uncrossed her arms. “I’m serious though. I don’t do that stuff anymore. And maybe you shouldn’t either.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You’re a criminal, Riley! And since you clearly didn’t learn anything in prison, maybe you need to go back.” 

Riley couldn’t believe what she was hearing. And after what she’d done. . . “What the fuck is wrong with you? I went to prison to save your ass! And Nikki’s! You know damn well it could’ve just as easily been you in there instead of me.” 

“And I’m sorry that happened to you. What I’m trying to say is that I learned from that situation, and I had hoped you did too.” 

“What,” Riley snarled. “What was I supposed to learn?” 

“That what we did was wrong!” Leanna’s voice cracked. “God, Riley. Are you that blind? We’ve been awfully lucky for a lot of years. It was only a matter of time before that luck dried up and we were worse off than when we started. We can’t be criminals forever.” 

Riley laughed, but there was no humor in it. “We can’t be criminals, so you decided to become a professional liar instead? No wonder your boyfriend dumped you.” 

“I don’t blame him for not wanting to go through all the lies again.” Leanna clamped her hand over her mouth, but that only made Riley’s mind lock onto that last word even more. 

Again. 

“What do you mean, again?” Tears started to fray the edges of her accusatory tone, and Riley fought to hold them back. 

“Nothing.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“Forget I said it.” 

“Not likely. Start talking.” 

“Fine.” Leanna sighed. “I knew it was only a matter of time before Bozer got suspicious, but it’s not like I could confirm or deny anything. I could get in huge trouble for just the little I’ve told you. But it kept getting harder as my assignments got longer and more frequent, and then he figured it out about Mac, and—”

Mac. 

Mac. 

Nikki’s Mac. 

Nikki’s Mac who was a spy. A spy who lived right here in L.A. 

“You work with Nikki’s ex-boyfriend?” The pieces didn’t add up. 

“Different agencies. I met him through Nikki, but sometimes our work paths cross, yes.” 

“And how does your boyfriend know him?” Leanna winced at the word ‘boyfriend,’ but Riley didn’t give a shit how she felt anymore. 

“They grew up together. Been friends most of their lives. They still live together.” 

Riley took a step back. And another. And another until she backed right into the cabinets. 

“I cut ties with everyone when Mac was reintroduced to me as a spy. He’s a smart guy. I knew Nikki wouldn’t be able to fool him forever, and I wasn’t about to risk my new life by associating with all of you.” 

Reeling, Riley gripped the counter for support as the world rocked under her feet. Leanna didn’t just leave. She left because the Five Eyes were no longer advantageous to her. That selfish bitch. 

She knew Mac. She abandoned her best friends because of Mac. 

Mac. 

Mac, who was at the Louvre that night. Mac, who nearly ruined the heist of Riley’s dreams. 

The heist, which Leanna knew about. Because Riley told her. Standing on the porch of her boyfriend’s house, which was also Mac’s house. 

How was Paris? Leanna had asked. 

Leanna knew perfectly well how Paris went because she fucking set them up. 

“How could you?” Riley screamed. There was no stopping the tears now, and they ran down her face in steady streams, blurring her vision. “After everything we’ve been through together, how could you do that to me? To us?”

“I did it to save you.” 

“From what? Because clearly it wasn’t from going back to prison.” 

“From yourself! You could do anything with your life, be anyone, yet this is what you choose? Riley, as a thief you will never be able to stop running. Never be able to live an honest life.” 

“An honest life. That’s rich coming from you.” 

“At least I can be proud of what I do now. I don’t have to live with that sinking feeling after a job anymore. You know, when the adrenaline has finally worn off and you have to face the fact that what we did was wrong. I hate that feeling.” 

“It doesn’t bother me.” In truth, Riley didn’t experience the guilt at all anymore. She hadn’t in years. 

“I’d hoped prison would change that. Change you.” 

“Well it did fucking change me. Just not the way you wanted it to, apparently.” 

“It’s still not too late to help yourself.” 

“Go to hell.” 

Leanna stared. Riley stared back. 

A decade of friendship lay between them, dead. 

Hammering the final nail into the coffin, Riley growled, “Get the fuck out of my house.” Leanna flinched. “And stay out of my life while you’re at it.” 

Shaking with hurt and anger and betrayal, Riley could do nothing but watch as Leanna calmly packed up her stuff. Then she fished around in her bag for something small—Riley couldn’t tell what it was—and approached the kitchen counter once more. 

“This belongs to you,” Leanna said, dropping her copy of Riley’s apartment key onto the granite. 

When she let herself out, the door softly clicked closed behind her. 

Since the Louvre, Riley had been balancing on a knife’s edge. She could go forward or backward, but either way she’d end up sliced and bloody. So she kept to the straight and narrow, just like she promised her parole officer. She kept moving forward. Better to hurt herself in the future than do it while dwelling in the past. 

But if this was where the future led, it fucking sucked. 

Betrayal, on both ends of the line. 

Even standing still, the knife’s edge cut deeper into her feet. She felt the sting, felt the metaphorical blood slicking the metaphorical blade. 

To her side was the abyss. To her side was no knife at all. No moving forward or backward, but no pain either. 

Jump, the voice said. It’ll be easier. 

For once, Riley didn’t question it. She simply let herself 

fall.

.

~ Tag List ~ Want to be added? Send me an ask.

@improvidus​ / @holbytlanna / @hellishrose / @mylifequotesshowallofthem / @thecarrieonokay / @whumpflumpthump​ / @fandoms-and-sunshine / @bluedrew12 /

[strides-nsfw]

Using this blog as a venting place now

I feel like a dog. Less than one.

I'm given treats when I help watch the pets and I'm occasionally given clothes or a twenty when my parents want me to go hang out.

But I feel like a dog. When was the last time I was taken to a doctor for a routine check up? 2019. Junior year of high school. Even then, I was never taken to a nutritionist or anything, despite apparently being at risk for diabetes. Had my bloodwork done in 2017. Never got told more than I was at risk.

My underbite scratches away at my top canines. I might not have them in 6 years. The only doctors I see semi-consistently anymore are my dentist and my optometrist, though even then these glasses are from 3 years ago. My dentist tried to help me out, gave me a number to get some new braces, maybe save my teeth before they need to be replaced. My dad called it a scam, a waste of money, and the paper with the number is now gone.

But the food is good! And at least I'm not homeless! Sure, my mom tried to guilt me into staying in a bad relationship by saying that friend might cut themselves again if I stopped. And sure, I almost killed myself thinking about that. And sure, my mom tries harder to invalidate my gender than she ever has tried to get it right. And sure, my dad's prone to explosive bouts of shouting before listening to people, doing it to the dogs and to me.

But I'm just like the dogs, right? I just need to be happy that I even get to exist under this roof. I don't pay rent, or groceries! Can I even complain? I'm the one who didn't learn to drive! I'm the one who should've known to have an ID! I'm the one who should have a degree by now! Who cares that I never learned because the school was an entire county away? Or that I didn't want to trouble my siblings or my mom with waking up even earlier? Who cares that I was never once told why I needed an ID? I'm autistic! I was practically an adult when I was five! Who cares that I started college in the middle of a pandemic? Or that I wasted high school only ever thinking of being able to live after college? Or that my suicidal thoughts trace back to that damned school? Before high school, when my best friend sexually assaulted me, with none of the adults coming to help! Who fucking cares?

I'm just like the dogs. How long until the new ones stop getting taken to the vet, like the old ones? Those poor old dogs, they hadn't been to the doctor since I was in high school. They're scared of cars just like me. Maybe that's why my life is like this.

I hold on for dear life, because I know I have friends who love me. Who might get me out of here. But until then, smile on, girl! Respond to the deadname. You're just your mother's son. You'll never be anything else.

And when your chance to leave comes, fly away. Never look back. And remind them all of the words that burned the bridge. "You know she's a cutter, right?"

[redpaperclub]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

----

Author's Note :

Well, I wasn’t expecting to see THIS pop-up on my screen while logging onto Tumblr for the first time in months … But since we’re on the subject, I might as well write down some of my thoughts regarding the infamous "tumblr dot com".

So, for starters …

Damn, it’s been 10 years huh. I remember first realizing that I’ve been on this website for a while now about two years ago when I calculated that I’ve been on this site for about eight years. I didn’t think much of it and kind of interpreted as a “frozen-in-time” type of situation. As in, I’ve stopped using this site a loooong time ago and don’t plan on browsing and/or posting on it anymore. But wouldn’t you know it, time is linear after all ! It just feels kind of weird to see ’10 years’ on the screen when it shouldn’t be but here we are.

I’m not really gonna dive too much into the Tumblr discourse and really just want to focus on a couple of main takeaways from my experience on this dumpster fire of a website. So apparently, I’ve been on this website for ten whole years and I completely missed the memo. I’m not surprised. Even though I wasn’t expecting this it still kind of sucks knowing that I didn’t get the chance to celebrate something I honestly wouldn’t mind attending lol. But whatever. I can always queue this post for a later date.

Let’s start from the beginning, shall we ?

I started this account back in October 2013 but didn’t start posting anything until January 2014 and I’m guessing those first couple of months were just me liking posts and getting the general feel of tumblr. I don’t remember much from those early years except for me unironically thinking that this is one of the best websites I’ve ever come across (and that opinion has remained largely unchanged even with all the bullshit over the years). Looking back at my old Tumblr account feels a bit surreal but it’s not the first time that I’ve taken a stroll down memory lane. I’ve actually looked back at archived posts in the past a few times and it’s such a nice little time capsule of such an awkward time in my life. I have a lot of fond memories of being on this site whether it be laughing my ass off over some meme/shitpost, reblogging some aesthetically pleasing pictures, or just being informed about the world around me. I even remember making a few original text posts with mild success (all in an effort to become “tumblr famous” lol).

I started posting less frequently sometime around 2016 and almost completely stopped towards the beginning of 2017 only to return almost three years later just before the pandemic started. I completely stopped using this site back in August 2020 for whatever reason (likely due to lack of interest altogether) and haven’t posted anything since.

Yet here I am ! Making one last post before archiving this blog for good.

But seriously though. I think getting this notification is just what I needed to make a proper departure from this hellhole of a site lol. And it’s better than just leaving it on some random post. Kind of wish I could talk about more things but I think a general overview feels better than something more specific anyway. It’ll make more sense if I ever decide to revisit this blog (which I likely won’t but whatever).

I suppose my main takeaway from this website has to be the general vibe of it. It’s one of the few places where you can post whatever you want without feeling intruded by the outside world. And sure, you could argue that many websites operate this way. But there’s something about it’s anonymous nature and bottom-of-the-barrel economics that has allowed me to enjoy Tumblr to the fullest extent. I’ve never had to worry about what I like or post—mostly due to lack of followers anyway—and I get to enjoy my little Internet shenanigans with peace of mind. It’s a nice little corner of the Internet that I got to enjoy. But now it’s time to close this chapter in my life (how dramatic lol) with, ironically, the longest text post I’ve ever written on here.

So yeah …

Thanks for the memories, Tumblr. You will be missed ❤️

[aewrie]

language/conlang nonsense thoughts incoming

ways to relax after work: spend an hour+ looking at ipa charts and listening carefully & comparing/double checking old conlang notes

like i started this technically back in 2008 ish?? kinda?? bc i started thinking about oc names beyond 'sounds like high fantasy' and then that developed into thoughts about culture and language

but my actual notes are from 2017. and like it's not a conlang yet. it's phonetics, a script, some words, and random tidbits of potential grammar. but the idea is that i'll develop it more even if that happens at a glacial pace

i also have a couple of other languages that are at the phase of phonetics + script mostly thought out and one more not really a script but i could make it into one. but those are. secondary to the main one

i have BARELY touched any of that since 2017 help me ashe you activated a sleeper agent. my own fic didn't but yours apparently did

wish wikipedia had better audio examples and more of them ripperoni. i dived into youtube also and 1) thank all the people recording their pronunciations and videos explaining sounds from their languages 2) please stop the upbeat stock(?) music on educational stuff just fuckign end it please

and then i also dug up the finnish second language beginner learning materials i found while looking up stuff about cases while on my way to work, bc that is actually the best way for me to jump into figuring out how many cases i want in my conlang bc i am enough of a masochist that there will be some

not 16 tho what the hell is this

i am looking at these info sheets and like. oh so that's what those do on a more technical level. the shit you don't think about when it's your native language

which brings be to this very specific 'school lied to me in order to keep things more simple at lower grades and i'm mad about it'

i fucking remember. being taught that finnish only uses accusative for personal pronouns. no the fuck it doesn't. you use it for all nominals you absolute fucks who decided to put that in the materials what the hell just bc it looks the same as genitive/nominal/possibly some other i forget doesn't doesn't mean it is that case

i want to strangle someone (i am. half joking. maybe)

i was given false information to keep it """simple"""

this is why german was so confusing with the cases despite having less of them i didn't understand shit i just memorised the endings each case gives a word back in grade whatever and then promptly forgot soon after bc when did i ever need to remember what allative or inessive or whatever is outside like one test back then

tell me the rules not an oversimplification i don't want to memorize lists i want to understand the logic

ಠ╭╮ಠ

angy