#(I'm ok. but I'm also genuinely exhausted and angry and tired about a lot of things)

[thelordofgifs]

A WILD FINARFIN APPEARS!!!

i really loved this chapter! Lúthien in her Finrod era is everything. And she's making friends 😩😩😩 my poor little baby she is everything to me and Also it looks like she's ready to return to her old maia shenanigans i like it

Morwen beloved i feel you... bright people can be So tiring sometimes

finarfin showed up and i was like HECK YEAH!!! THE MAN THE MYTH THE ULTIMATE POLL LOOSING CURSE BEARER!!! you have my permission to put him in the spinner and make him pathetic though he is very pathetic already. poor guy :(

eärwen is so everything to me!! i love my women angry and sad and bitter thank you

FINDUILAS AND CELEBRIMBOR ARE SO BABY I'M HOLDING THEM GENTLY IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THEM I'M BURNING THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND

all in all amazing chapter!! fantastic work beloved

p.s. the russingon section is. hmm. i'm not sure i want to know how their dirty talk sounds like- they're so sad and doomed. poor babies. why can't they just have nice things. just make their vassals suffer their shameless flirting over war maps i'm sure that won't end badly at all

p.p.s. "we should move our armies here and here it would make fighting against morgoth much easier" - "omg babe that was so hot" - "i know 😏"

thank you you are the bestest ❤️❤️❤️ writing that Finarfin section like hmmmm… which of my mutuals might this appeal to… a mystery unfortunately…

Anyway yes Lúthien is very much in her Finrod era (“mortals are so cute and they’re all going to die OH NO”) and we love her for it. Writing her and Morwen was very interesting to me – I wanted them to have a difficult relationship without falling into any “women hating each other” clichés, so I’m really glad some people liked that! Lúthien is canonically So Much – incredibly powerful, terrifying to all villains, half the characters in her story fall in love with her at first sight – and I think the flipside of that is that she can be pretty exhausting for someone reserved like Morwen! (I read Morwen as autistic – very much inspired by @outofangband’s wonderful headcanons of course – and Lúthien is unintentionally triggering a lot of Morwen’s sensory issues.)

Eärwen is so fascinating to me because I think canonically she must have found her children’s decision to go on with the march so hard to deal with – and they were even planning to use the stolen ships her people had been killed for, before Fëanor quite literally set fire to that plan! I’ve always thought she would have a hard time reconciling with Finrod when he returned to life (and her other sons, but I think Finrod returned first); his own kin were killed at Alqualondë and yet he eventually made nice with his cousins!

In tfs Finrod’s refusal to come forth from Mandos for Celegorm’s sake is a Significant Plot Point, even if it’s one I don’t give too much attention to. The sacred right of refusal… the idea that you can be given a blessing from the gods themselves and yet choose to throw it away… these are themes that are going to recur. (Partly why in recent parts Fingon has been thinking about Eagles, and what the favour of the Valar means.) But! The flipside of Finrod’s decision is kind of an ugly one. Eärwen has every right to her bitterness! She sees this as Finrod once again choosing his Noldor kin over his Telerin kin, and the betrayal really stings. I will confess that I am not entirely sure how this is all going to pan out, but politics in Aman are going to have Ripples as a result of Finrod’s choice.

As for russingon – look this is my murder warlord OTP and I adore them. I think they’re both drawn to the other’s violent streak, and they do genuinely find military strategy talk very very sexy. Weirdos (affectionate). Whenever I write one of these conversations between them, I have to be sure never to suggest that, for example, Fingon’s hotness distracts Maedhros from the military talk – the military talk is itself hot to Maedhros (and vice versa). I find them so funny and so tragic ok.

[koushirouizumi]

* D O . N O T . R E B L O G [Vent]

I’m not reblogging those informative posts for fun.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑭𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝑫𝒐𝒘𝒏 (𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝑺𝒂𝒏) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐒𝐚𝐧 (𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳)/ 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞)

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐍𝐨𝐧-𝐈𝐝𝐨𝐥! 𝐀𝐔

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞/ 𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭, 𝐮𝐧𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐱 (𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧)

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟓.𝟓𝐊

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐅𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠����𝐫𝐥 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐒𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬.

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲: 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐉𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐭 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬

ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.

Taking the milkshake glasses off the counter and making sure the space was throughly wiped down and sanitized, San's eyes looked up when the familiar midnight blue Nissan sedan, whose model he'd never given a damn to memorize, parked in front of the restaurant, signaling the arrival of the person working the closing shift that day. His heart practically somersaulted when he caught glimpse of the soft, silky [insert color] hair stepping out of the vehicle, the owner such pretty hair owning an equally beautiful face. While his heart pounded, his stomach turned sick when he saw the driver come out as well, going over to where she was, whispering a goodbye in her ear. To anyone passing by, it'd look like a normal couple, a boyfriend bringing his girlfriend to work and giving her a kiss, no doubt promising to pick her up later.

But San knew better.

His eyes always caught on to the way she stepped back slightly, her arm folding across her body when his hand reached out to caress it, his fingers no doubt gripping down harshly on her skin. She didn't kiss him back, she just allowed him to place his lips momentarily on hers before patting her cheek lightly with his palm and soon going back to his vehicle and driving away. He watched her take a deep breath before she felt ready to go inside and start her shift.

"Hey Y/N!" He did his usual friendly and warm way of greeting her, his smiling eyes and dimples putting a genuine smile on her own somber countenance.

"Hi San. How's it been?" She inquired as she punched her number in.

Shrugging his shoulders, he sighed.

"Same as almost every Wednesday. Dead, boring and mostly the regulars or just travelers."

She shook her head, already mentalizing herself that it'd be another day spent cleaning what's already clean and over stocking the merchant just to pass time. She went inside the office to put on her uniform shirt and apron. San in no way ever peeked in to see her cause he was a pervert, he respected her and would never allow himself to think of any inappropriate scenarios involving her. However, he would always sneak a tiny glance every now and then for one particular reason. Tilting his head slightly so he could see through the tiny cracked door, he watched her take off her denim jacket and felt his grip tighten on the glass cup he was currently drying when he spotted some purple blotches on her bicep. He immediately looked away as he did not want to get angry in front of her. He hastily put the cup back in the shelf under the counter, throwing the rag onto the marble counter in a rather aggressive manner.

"Ok San, tell me what needs to be finished."

Coming out in full uniform and hair held up with her usual choice of a colored scrunchie, this day choosing yellow, Y/N looked at her coworker and waited for him to give her a task.

"Nothing really except wait on customers. I already stocked the fridge and pulled out the stuff needed from the freezer."

He was always doing that, doing not only his side workload but also hers, which more often than not had her pouting at him.

"So I'll just be bored to death?" She huffed.

Chuckling, San stepped closer to her, making sure to keep an elbow distance from her, knowing she tended to get apprehensive when someone came to close to her than she was comfortable with.

"Not really. There's plenty of things to amuse yourself with. Besides.......maybe now you won't hurt yourself so much from lifting heavy objects..."

His tone lowered involuntarily at that last part. He knew very well the bruises weren't cause she'd accidentally hit herself on the railings in the back because she lost her balance carrying stuff in and out of the freezer. She herself tensed up a little at his words.

"Oh right......heh.....clumsy me right?" She tried to plaster an unfazed smile on her face, only succeeding about halfway.

Unable to control his movements, San's hand reached out to tuck some of the hair slipping out of her ponytail behind her ear. It hurt him to no end when she flinched slightly at his movement, he could feel her tensing up when his fingers made contact with her temple. As he squinted his eyes, he could make out the uneven patch of concealer and powder on the area close to her hairline, a tiny hue of reddish purple peeking slightly through. She relaxed when he finally retreated his hand.

"Just try to be careful and take care of yourself. I don't like seeing you get hurt."

She probably didn't know, or maybe she did, he was painfully obvious when it came to her, that he meant what he said in more ways than one.

"You too....see you San."

Once more, he held himself back from blurting out everything that was kept in his chest, instead opting for giving her a farewell and going out to the parking lot to get inside his red 1989 Ford f150 and drive over to his friend's house, the bunch of them waiting for him to complete his shift and come over to their place.

ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.

"Aish seriously San, just forget about her. Plenty of fish in the sea." One of the pair of giants told him as he chugged back the remnants in his bottle.

"And you have a lot of fish waiting for you to reel in your rod so they can bite right in." His friend sitting next to him wiggled his eyebrows at him.

"Stop you guys." San pushed the blonde away.

"Mingi and Wooyoung are right though San. You have girls and guys lined up all willing to drop their pants for you at anytime. Lucky bastard." Yunho, the other half of the giant squad chuckled lowly.

"I don't want any of them though... you guys don't understand." San looked down at the floor.

The other blonde haired male in the room, Yeosang, rolled his eyes at him, unable to understand his infatuation for the girl.

"You've been pining for her since high school. When are you going to let her go? She chose and still chooses to this day Lee Taeyong."

Slamming his fist on the table, San angrily looked at him.

"Don't fucking mention that asshole's name near me!"

Everyone grew quiet, the members who were bordering on getting tipsy suddenly sobering completely up as if there was absolutely no drop of alcohol in their system. San was usually a very friendly and sweet person, but he was also sensitive and emotional, and lately he'd manifest it through anger and rage, and it was truly terrifying to them. But they knew he had reasons for lashing out like that. They knew his hatred for Taeyong, not just for being able to score the girl he'd been in love with for ages, San would have stayed content and wholeheartedly happy had she'd been loved and cared for like she deserved to be. But instead, he had to watch as she was constantly belittled and sometimes shoved hardly into the ground, landing her scraped knees or bruised palms. He could only imagine what went on behind closed doors.

"San......you have to accept reality, all of us do whether we like it or not. Her friends aren't blind to what's happening to her. Teacher's at university aren't either, they've all tried approaching her about it.....she won't listen to anyone." Yunho decided to finally say what everyone was thinking.

"She doesn't deserve it! It's toxic and sick!" He cried out in desperation.

"But ultimately it's her choice........ you can't force her to get help or leave if she doesn't want to. She's been with him for years."

Unwilling to hear anymore, San quickly picked up his leather jacket and stormed out the house. He drove the streets like a mad man, his fist hitting the steering wheel every time he stopped at a red light. He would have continued his angry drive back to his place had he not spotted an all too familiar denim jacket walking on the road. Slowing down the truck, he pulled closer to the right side and stopped right in front of the figure trembling in the cold night air.

"Y/N?" He rolled down his window so she wouldn't be startled by some stranger suddenly pulling up next to her.

"Oh! Hey San!" She said through chattering teeth.

"You're walking home all alone?" He could not believe this.

"Uh....yeah! My boyfriend got caught up at work....didn't want to bother him so I'm walking home...it's not that far!" She tried to sound reassuring, but he could see right through her.

"You want a ride?" He offered.

She hesitated for a moment, wondering if it'd be a good idea or not.

"Hey it's ok. I'm not going to kidnap you or anything. I'll just drive you straight home. We don't even have to talk if you don't want. Just you, me and some old jams playing on the radio all right?"

Unable to resist that dimple smile that always made her feel fuzzy inside, she allowed him to open the door for her from the inside. After giving him her address, she found he stayed true to his word and just drove in silence the entire time. She was kinda thankful for it. She was tired after her shift, exhausted from walking and from how late it was, and more than anything, she felt like she was going to spill tears any minute if she even got out a single word. She felt worn out, her head resting on the window, eyes opening and closing as tiredness began to overtake her. She only awoke when she felt a light hand caress her cheek. In other circumstances, she would have immediately swatted the hand away and pushed the face near her own as far away as possible. But she didn't do that, she felt strangely safe and protected by the male next to her as he brushed some hair off her face.

"We're here. Safe and sound just like I promised."

Safe.........

For some reason she felt anything but safe as she looked at the house in front of her.

"Thanks San." She smiled weakly at him as she began taking off her seat belt.

"Call me if you ever need a ride. I mean it. I don't want you catching a cold...or-or worse..." He admitted.

"Thank you, really. Good night. I'll see you tomorrow."

She took slow steps to the front door, San didn't drive away until he confirmed she was inside. With a heavy heart, he drove away back to his place, unaware that the girl he dropped off was watching through the peephole his departure, still staying there moments after he had disappeared from sight. She sighed despondently as she dropped her bag onto the floor, slumping her body onto the couch as it was useless to try to go sleep in the bedroom given the pornographic moans and thumping noises coming from inside it. Wouldn't be the first or last time she came home to such sounds. She simply curled up into a fetus position, falling asleep in the usual way:

Tears falling out of the corners of her eyes.

ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.

"What do you mean she's not coming?"

San nervously gulped as his boss told him Y/N's boyfriend called to say she had a little accident and couldn't go in that day. He knew it was bullshit and he was going to find out what really happened. After going to classes the next day, he actively searched around campus for any signs of her or Taeyong. After asking around, a girl motioned to the football field, saying that's where they'd often go to at times. San squinted his eyes as he looked all over for them, finally spotting them near the bleachers. His fist tightened as he watched Taeyong once again put his filthy hands on Y/N, shoving her to the ground, making her land face first, her palms outstretched and scraping against the grass under her. He watched as Taeyong simply walked away, leaving her there, not caring about if she was seriously injured or not. Unable to hide any longer, San sauntered over to her, his arms picking her up from the ground.

"Y/N it's me!"

He didn't mean to shout at her, but having her scream and cover her head protectively gave him no other option. He nearly began crying himself when she lifted her head, her eyes full of fear and panic.

"Oh! It's you San! Sorry for that!"

As she stood up, she began dusting the dirt off, ignoring the throbbing pain in her ankle. Faking a smile, she giggled nervously.

"Clumsy me again, tripping on some-"

"Y/N stop lying to yourself. I saw everything."

Her face darkened at his words, her eyes becoming glued to the floor as she avoided his gaze like she did the others. She hated seeing their pitiful stares and shameful eyes, she believed San probably had the same look as well. She couldn't be more wrong as his eyes just looked at her in despair and agony.

"Why? Why do you put up with it? Why do you stay with him? Why do you torture yourself like this?.....

Why do you love him?"

He asked that last question more to himself than her. Y/N crossed her right arm over her chest, her hand clutching her left bicep as she gently massaged the muscle there. San knew it was the same bruised arm he had seen a few days ago, it was probably even more battered up than the last time he saw it.

"I can't......I don't know....."

Seeing her struggling to form words, San opted for gently hovering his hands around her, maneuvering and ushering her to sit on the bleachers without ever laying a single finger on her. Opening his backpack, he took out the mini first aid kit his older friend, Seonghwa, had given him, actually deciding to put it to use for once.

"I'm going to clean these scrapes ok?"

He looked at her and waited til she gave him permission to touch her. She did not flinch away at all when he began wiping off the dirt and blood accumulated on her knee or hands, only momentarily when he applied the disinfectant spray on her wounds.

"Sorry." He apologized.

"It's fine.......I'm used to hurting...." She finally admitted.

He wanted to speak up again, but found it hard to find the right words. He focused on applying ointment on her wounds and bandaging them up nicely.

"How long has he pushed you around?" He needed to know.

"Started 3 months after we became official.....but even before that, he'd often tease me and what not........ it doesn't hurt ....." She lied once more.

"The Y/N I knew never lied even to save her life. Sad how someone like him managed to change that." He finished wrapping the gauze around her knee.

"I haven't changed at-"

"Yes you have." He interrupted once again.

"The Y/N from then was a cheerful, happy ray of sunshine known for her bubbly personality and kindness to others. She loved going out with friends and hated staying indoors for too long. She was always honest and ready to help anyone in need, especially cute abandoned animals, she was a real softie for them."

She chuckled softly at his words, not denying any of it.

"I still am soft for them." She corrected him.

"But you're no longer happy. You're sad, somber and being in pain all because of an asshole who doesn't deserve you.......he doesn't deserve your love."

Although she heard him and wanted to believe his words, her mind blocked out such reasoning.

"But he does love me.......he swears it....every time it happens, he apologizes and promises-"

"It's all lies Y/N! He doesn't love you! If he loved you he wouldn't hurt you physically and emotionally. He wouldn't be the reason why you're only a shell of the person you used to be. He doesn't love you and he'll never love you..."

She let his words sink, trying to digest what he was saying.

"I know because I've loved you for so long and I'd never even think about putting you through half of what he has."

She whipped her head up at his words, seeing the earnest and emotion in his eyes as he finally confessed what was in his heart.

"San......" She was left speechless.

He teared up, scoffing at himself as a dry smile formed on his face.

"You have no idea how much it hurts seeing you be in pain and not able to do anything about it. Having you flinch at my touch when all I want is to comfort and hold you."

Without thinking, he cupped her cheeks, thumbs wiping away the tears that began falling down her eyes.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself Y/N. You can't spend the rest of your life living in fear and chained to someone who just wants to make you suffer. You can't allow someone to take away your joy and peace of mind. You shouldn't be afraid to be free and enjoy life. You deserve to be happy and loved."

He used his last bit of self control he had and stopped himself when he leaned his face too close to hers, his nose brushing against hers, expecting her to shiver away from his touch, but instead she seemed to wait for his next move. Knowing he'd never forgive himself for it, he pulled back, leaving her disappointed and himself in agony.

"Please take care..."

Taking off his leather jacket, he placed it on her back, fanning out the sleeves so it'd cover her shoulders. Then he turned around and began walking away from her, shoulders slumped down and heart aching to go back and just take her away for good. But he resolved himself not to. Not until she specifically asked him to.

When Y/N finally got back to her place, Taeyong wasn't there. He was probably spending the night at one of his side chick's place, no doubt getting buzzed and high out of his mind. Her soft bed no longer comforted her, so instead she slid down and sat on the floor, hugging her knees and occasionally running a finger through the fabric of San's jacket. His scent was still on it and every time she inhaled it, it had a soothing and calming effect on her mind and heart that soon helped her tense body relax until she felt sleepy. It took a lot of effort, but she climbed into her bed, not bothering to cover herself with the blanket or change into more comfortable and less confining clothes.

San's jacket was the only comforting thing at that moment......

ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.

Nudging him with his elbow, Yeosang whispered to the male next to him the presence of the girl that was slowly approaching them. Always reacting to anything related to her, San turned his head and smiled softly when he saw Y/N walking up to him.

"Hey." He greeted her.

"Hi.....I came to return this. Thanks for letting me borrow it." She held out his leather jacket, neatly folded and visible clean.

"Oh Y/N, you really didn't need to go that far." San became shy at her gesture, and worried about if she washed it cause he had forgotten to and it disgusted her.

"Don't say that. It's the least I can do for all you've done..."

She looked up at his eyes as she said that, her heart fluttering when he rested his hand on top of hers when he tried to take back his treasured article of clothing, letting it stay there for a moment, his fingers giving her hand a light squeeze. His friend behind him looked back and forth between the both of them, confused by what was going on and internally gagging at their mushy scene.

"I wanted to say thank-"

"Y/N!"

The voice calling out for her roared in her ears, sending her into a panic mode as she pulled away immediately from his physical contact. San noticed the way her body tensed up and her eyes became afraid. His own eyes narrowed at the icy blue haired man strutting up to them, a chilling smile on his manga like visuals.

"Hey baby, I've been looking all over for you. What were you doing?" He asked in a concerning tone, face bearing down on hers rather uncomfortably.

"I- I was j-just giving San back this.." She stammered as she gestured to the jacket in her hand.

Letting out a barely audible scoff, Taeyong gripped the jacket, prying it off her delicate fingers before tossing it back to San.

"Thanks bud."

San glared at him, resisting the urge to throw a punch to his face. Seeing him unresponsive, Taeyong just shrugged and suspiciously wrapped an arm around Y/N.

"Come on babe. Let's go back home."

His fingers dug into her skin, applying very painful pressure to her bruise, an occasional whimper coming out of her mouth as they walked across the football field. San's jaw tightened as he watched Taeyong lean in and whispered something in her ear, no doubt some degrading words judging by the way she cowered beneath him.

"San just let it go." Yeosang's voice said.

"I can't Yeosang. Every time I see him even breathe near her.......I feel like combusting." He grunted in frustration as his friend tried to calm him down.

"Taeyong, please stop. It really hurts." Y/N cried out, her fingers prying his hand off her aching arm.

"Shut up you little bitch. How dare you go talk to that punk? Making me look bad and having me talk to that low life." He cringed in disgust.

"I was only thanking him for lending me-"

"So what? Were you going to lend yourself to him too? Is that what you were going over to him for?"

She instantly shook her head.

"What?! No!"

"Yeah right. I bet you already whored yourself out to him...didn't you?!"

Not caring that there was still people nearby, Taeyong harshly yanked her by her hair before tossing her onto the ground, catching the attention of everyone around, including San and Yeosang.

"Fucking whore." He spat at her.

"Don't." Yeosang held his hand out when he saw San taking a step forward.

"But I can't-"

Yeosang kept an arm around him to keep him in place.

"Don't get involved. You'll only make things worse."

San looked back at the scene, his heart breaking seeing Y/N once again on the floor, trembling like a frightened kitten who had no protection. When she looked up, he saw tears already brimming down her face.

"Get up. We're going home." Taeyong sternly commanded, turning to walk away as usual.

"No."

He stopped dead in his tracks at her refusal.

"Excuse me?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

Not knowing how or where she got the strength from, Y/N got up and faced him with determination.

"I've finally had enough."

Both San and Yeosang were shocked at hearing her words, one of them more incredulous than anything and the other proud of her for finally standing up for herself. Taeyong too was put out of sorts seeing her be so bold.

"Haha, real funny baby. Now let's go home." He walked closer to her, reaching out to yank her arm, but she slapped it away.

"No! I told you! I've had it! It's over!" She declared.

Sensing he was really losing his power and control over her, Taeyong lunged at her, fist held up in the air.

"Listen here you-"

Y/N covered her face, stepping back when he came close to her. She opened her eyes and uncovered herself when she felt someone suddenly step in front of her, their hand blocking Taeyong's fist from even approaching her.

"Stay out of this Choi." Taeyong grunted.

"She told you it's over Taeyong."

San easily pushed him away single handedly, making him stumble backwards.

"Now leave and never bother her again."

Not giving up yet, Taeyong looked back at Y/N menacingly.

"And do tell me Y/N? If it's over, where are you going to live now?" He taunted her.

Realizing he was right, she almost felt defeated until San spoke up again.

"She's going to live with me." He firmly answered.

"I fucking knew it. You were being a whore with him."

Unable to hold himself back anymore, San swung hard, fist colliding with Taeyong's face, sending him falling down against the floor. Y/N covered her mouth as she gasped sharply when San picked Taeyong back up from his collar, shaking him fiercely.

"Call her that one more time! I dare you to!" He warned him as he got ready to take another swing.

"San stop!" He felt Yeosang intervene once again, holding his elbow with his hands.

"Yeosang! Just let me-"

"Stop for Y/N's sake, she's already seen and lived enough violence, I really don't think she needs to see any more." Yeosang tilted his head to the Y/N who had already began backing as far away as possible.

Realizing his friend was right, San begrudgingly let go of his most hated rival.

"Try to come near her again and I will end you."

With those final words, he went over to where Y/N was, his face softening up when he looked at her. He held out his hand to her and waited for her response. He felt happy when she finally reached out and allowed him to guide her out to the parking lot, and thankful that he decided to park somewhere where there weren't a lot of people.

"You all right?" He finally spoke up when they were finally inside his truck

"Uh...yeah...actually...I'm fine.... can you believe I actually did it?"

Although she sounded enthusiastic, he heard the crack in her voice and her nervous laughter wasn't helping her case. Instead of turning the car on, he shifted to his right to look at her. He watched as the smile left her face, her fidgeting hands suddenly shake uncontrollably and her laughter suddenly turned to her hyperventilating. Knowing what was happening, San immediately pulled her into an embrace for the very first time in his life, holding her tightly, hands running through her hair as she began breaking down, sobbing violently, finally releasing all the pent up pain and suffering she had been bottling up for years.

San himself wanted to cry, but he didn't for her sake. He just let her cry her eyes out. It took a little over 10 minutes, but finally she started to calm down.

"Thank you....for everything."

Kissing her forehead, he poked her nose and smiled at her.

"Don't mention it. Let's get you somewhere warm now."

He made sure to play soothing music for her on the ride to his house. He noticed how once again she was drifting off to sleep and simply allowed her rest, knowing she was probably exhausted not only from crying so much but also from standing up to her abusive ex boyfriend moments ago. That certainly took a lot of energy and strength from her part and he was proud of her.

It was already dark when they got home, the brooding and cloudy day shortening the daylight and making it night at such an early hour. San gently picked up Y/N and got her out of the car, carrying her sleeping figure bridal style inside his house. It was small, but at least it was cozy and would be safe for her. Peeling back the covers from his bed, he carefully laid her down on it before tucking her in. When he made sure she'd be comfortable, he turned to leave the room, deciding it'd be better for him to sleep on the couch, not wanting to overstep any boundaries or have her freak out. He barely got to the door when he heard a tiny and hushed whisper of his name.

"San?"

He immediately looked over to see what she needed.

"Could.....could you please sleep by my side?.... I'd feel more safe that way..."

She didn't want to admit it right then, but it had been so long since she'd slept in someone's arms and she really craved physical affection from him. Happy to oblige, San went over and got into bed with her.

"Are you going to be ok if I wrap my arm around you?" He asked for permission first.

"Please just hold me." She begged as she cuddled up next to him, her face burying inside his chest.

He wasted no time in throwing his arm around her, his delicate fingers drawing soothing circles on her arm.

"Don't be afraid. You're safe now and you're going to be all right. I'm here and I'll protect you."

ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.

More than a year passed. It was a long and arduous process. At first Y/N didn't want to go through it, but San kept insisting she get therapy. After promising to accompany her and staying by her, she finally gave up and started seeing a psychologist. It wasn't easy, for neither of them. It was painful for her to finally speak up about all the abuse she endured for years and it was equally torturous for San to hear the rest of the untold story. It truly sickened him that one day he nearly busted Taeyong's face when he met him outside the school, but was ultimately held back once more by one of his friends. Besides his main priority was helping Y/N, helping her to properly function again and to bring a little more joy into her life, even going out to adopt a cat for her, naming her Byeol. She became their cute little baby, even if she was a total, well, cat at times and didn't want to cuddle.

"That's ok. I know a cat willing to cuddle me." Y/N chuckled.

San looked around confused.

"Wait! You got another cat? Where is- Oh! You meant me." He blushed hard when she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her body next to his as she snuggled next to him on the couch.

San did not hope for and did not expect Y/N to ever return his feelings, he was satisfied with her just being out of that horrible situation and being able to help her. Never did he dream she'd ever accept to be his and especially not ever cross his mind that he'd ever be able to actually claim her as his own.

But here she was, looking so beautiful underneath his body, wearing nothing but his leather jacket as he rolled his hips against hers. His fingers were laced with hers as his lips pulled apart from hers so he could look at her.

"Fuck...you're so damn pretty."

He leaned back in to place open mouth kisses on her jaw that traveled down to her neck. Although he nibbled occasionally, he made sure not to leave any marks on her soft and delicate skin.

"San...." She breathed out heavily, her hands breaking from his grasp to run through his black hair, paying close attention to the faded green streaks near his bangs.

"Oh god- please repeat that a little more." He groaned, loving the way she called out his name with such lust.

One of his hands traveled down her sides to cup one of her thighs, lifting her leg so he could hit deeper inside her. Feeling him at a whole new angle had Y/N gripping his muscly arms, her panting now becoming more erratic as she began clenching around him.

"San-" She called out again.

He chuckled slightly, hips snapping up to thrust just a little harder in her.

"Go ahead beautiful. Cum all over me, I want to feel you."

Hearing his low and suddenly husky voice urging her on, she let out a tiny whimper, her legs wrapping around his waist, using it as leverage to ride out her high. Her nails raked themselves into his back, her body pressed as close as it could be against his.

"Oh my god!" He gasped out as he twitched inside of her, his cum coating her walls, leaving her feeling full and complete.

He collapsed on top of her, his labored breathing occasionally resulting in a little choke as he tried to compose himself. When he finally came to, he brushed his lips against her temple.

"I love you so much."

She smiled at him as he adjusted the jacket that enveloped her, a real genuine smile.

"I love you too Sannie."

Giving her a tiny peck, he began sliding the jacket off.

"Let's get you out of this. It's probably too hot to be wearing it anymore."

She huffed and pouted.

"Baby no. I love wearing it. It feels like it's hugging me." She grabbed it and wrapped it around her more tightly.

"You know what else wants to hug you? My arms. So take off the jacket and let me snuggle you love."

ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı

[inkognito97]

Wow, I'm so excited about self-harming Obi-Wan. Can you please continue this one? What if he would try to do this to himself again? Or no?

@blastwaveinsideofme

Also, WARNING! Self-harm is for a lot of people a serious and sensitive topic. So, I advice you not to read, if you have any kind of problems concerning this topic.

Obi-Wan was glad to be back at the temple again, back home in his own quarters. Anakin had his own rooms, he was sharing them with his Padawan, but Obi-Wan still resided in his former Master’s old quarters, a privilege of being a Council member. Despite the years that had passed since Qui-Gon died, there was still something of him that had remained behind in these familiar rooms.

There were of course his plants that Obi-Wan had kept and taken care of, there were some old photos and even some belongings that had once been owned by the tall and long haired man. Yet, Obi-Wan had also made sure to change the rooms, making them his. He was his own man after all, not a copy of his former Master.

A tired and nostalgic smile appeared on his bearded features. He carelessly hung his robe over a chair, got rid of his boots - leaving them near the entrance - and then brought his travel back into the larger bedroom. He put it on the ground, while he sat on the large bed. It was still the on Qui-Gon had used, therefore it was a little larger than the usual human standard. Obi-Wan didn’t mind, not when it reminded him of many nights he had spent here with his Master resting next to him, or curled around him. 

When he had became the man’s Padawan, they had not gotten along, not with Xanatos’ shadow lurking over them and Qui-Gon HAD hurt him a lot of times, there was just no denying it. But they had warmed up to each other, began carrying for each other, so Obi-Wan had not seen how MUCH the older man had actually cared about him, not after he had almost killed himself. After this incident, he had often crawled into his Master’s bed, sometimes just needing his calming presence close by and sometimes actually craving physical contact. Qui-Gon had never pushed him out, not even when Obi-Wan had been sick with the flu. As a result, Qui-Gon had also caught it, but he had not been mad at his Padawan, not at all. 

Obi-Wan let out a sigh and let himself fall back onto the bed. He gazed up at the ceiling for a few moments, lying half on his bed, with his feet still standing firmly on the soft carpet and his arms outstretched. He didn’t want to move, but he knew that his bones would protest later, if he did not. With another sigh, he rolled and moved until he was lying on his side, arms outstretched and his face halfway hidden in a pillow. His blue-green eyes came to rest on his bared wrist, were the remains of his past were forever present.

The ginger haired Jedi closed his hands into tight fists and then shut his eyes just as tightly, slipping into an old memory…

Obi-Wan was not sure what to think. He should maybe be happy to be allowed to finally leave the healer’s wing, but he wasn’t. He did not want to return to the place that was supposed to be his home, but was the setting, where he had almost died, by his own hand. 

Neither did he want to be supervised like a toddler. He had made a mistake, he knew that and he was not stupid enough to try again any time soon, or was he. He unconsciously bit his lip. He should definitely stop thinking like this. Had it gone after the healers’ will, he would not be returning to his quarters anyway. He would be put into a cell like room, with soft walls and nothing with which he could hurt (or entertain) himself. Obi-Wan had once seen such a cell up close, during a failed negotiation mission with his Master. Speaking of which, the man had not yet said a single word to him, not since he had spoken to the healers. The Padawan guessed that he was running their words through his head, though he could not be sure, not with the bond closed. A precaution from the healers.

Suddenly Qui-Gon stopped walking and only his instincts saved Obi-Wan from running into the man, who was already tipping the Code into the lock next to the door. The door slit open and they entered, discarding their boots at the entrance. Then, the older Jedi more or less stirred them towards the living room and nudged Obi-Wan to sit onto the worn out looking brown leather couch.

The Padawan did not look up, his gaze rested solemnly on his folded hands, without really seeing them. A sigh escaped the older man and he tiredly rubbed his nose.

“Obi-Wan… do you have any more… blades, in your possession?” his mood was not readable through his voice.

The ginger haired teenager tilted his head and then, he shrugged.

“I need you to be honest with me, Padawan,” there was a certain edge to his voice.

“I don’t know,” he knew his voice sounded monotone, but he did not care. All he wanted, was to be left alone. He did not want anyone else to prod him for answers he did not want to give, he did not want Bant to stick her gills into this, he did not want Garen or Reeft to try to cheer him up and he certainly did not want to talk to Siri either. He also did not want any healer to ask stupid question. “Are you alright? How are you feeling?” He was totally fine and feeling awesome of course, why else would he have cut himself open. Stupid healers and their mindless questions and not to forget the few Masters who had come to visit. Obi-Wan had ignored all of their questions.

The only one, who had not yet tried to ask after the why, was Qui-Gon Jinn. A part of Obi-Wan, the biggest part of him actually, believed that the man simply did not care enough to ask. Another, smaller and hopeful part - even though it had grown smaller and smaller since the beginning of his apprenticeship under the infamous Master Jinn - wished that the man would understand his need for privacy.

“Alright,” he sounded exhausted. “You will stay in my bedroom until I am sure that there is nothing in your room… I have to look through your personal things though.” He waited for any kind of reaction, an acknowledgement or perhaps the wish to do it together, but nothing came.

“You DO realize that… what you have done… is wrong?”

“Why?”

“Excuse me?” he sounded genuinely taken aback by the one-word question. Had Obi-Wan looked up, he would have seen that the man’s gaze was puzzled.

“Why is it wrong?” he challenged. “Who says it wasn’t the will of the Force?”

“Was it the will of the Force?” Qui-Gon asked worried.

Obi-Wan shrugged.

Under normal circumstances, Qui-Gon would have gotten frustrated with his Padawan’s behavior, but right now, he was only worried. There was something greatly wrong with the boy and he needed to find out what it was, in order to make it better, in order to make Obi-Wan feel better. The Jedi Master had still not gotten over the shock of finding his Padawan bleeding on the floor of his own bedroom, with his wrists slid open and his eyes already glassing over. He would never forget the desolate look in the boy’s eyes, nor the endless hours of waiting and hoping that the healers would win the fight for his Padawan’s life. It had been a close call, Qui-Gon was very much aware of that. He had almost felt his Padawan, he would not do so again.

“Well…” the bearded male cleared his throat, “you are going to see the mind healers from now on, also, regular check ups within the medical bay are required also.”

For the first time since the incident, there was a real reaction from the boy. His displeasure was palpable in the air that surrounded him and Qui-Gon would have to be blind to not see it.

Silently and in the privacy of his own mind, Obi-Wan cursed all the healers in the Jedi temple. If they truly thought he would open up to one of them, they would get a big surprise. There was no way he would speak a single word with them, no way.

“Ok… is there perhaps anything else that you need, that you want?” Qui-Gon asked hopefully. Perhaps he could reawaken his boy’s spirits with this.

“Yes,” Qui-Gon waited impatiently. Blue-green eyes finally looked up. “Leave me alone.”

The Jedi Master blinked. He should have expected that. “Very well, you may go to my bedroom, stay there until I say otherwise, or I will lock the door, understood.”

Obi-Wan nodded, then he stood up and walked to the privacy he so craved. He ignored the pair of icy blue eyes that followed his every move.

Obi-Wan came back to reality and pushed himself onto his back, his arms still outstretched. He was staring at the ceiling again and he realized that this was the exact same position he had taken, all those years ago, when he had first entered his Master’s bedchamber. He had stared at the ceiling than too, but his mind had been empty then.

Obi-Wan hummed in thought. Even in this early stage, he had have a lot of luck, even though his Padawan self had not thought so, of course not. His Padawan self had actually hated Qui-Gon during the first few weeks, until the man had been called to a mission and had left him behind. 

Needless to say, the healers had taken the opportunity and Obi-Wan had found himself drugged and sometimes even bound. The latter being the case, when they were short on personal. When they had enough people, he had been watched 24/7, even while taking a shower or going to the fresher, it had been highly unpleasant to say the least. Thankfully it had only been two weeks till Qui-Gon returned and literally saved him. He had never seen the man so angry before, even in his drugged stayed, he could still remember the long haired man’s anger at finding his Padawan kept like an animal and in a drugged state.

What followed, had probably been the worst days in Obi-Wan’s whole life. Fourteen days had seemingly been enough to actually get addicted to the medication he had gotten. Obi-Wan was no fool, he knew that the healers had wanted to make him feel absolutely nothing, no emotional at all, mostly because they had hoped to make him more compliant with the mind healers. For them, he had just been an interesting project. Too bad for them that his drugged self had been worse than his - at that point - depressed normal self.

A silent tear slipped from Obi-Wan’s eye into his beard. The things he had done and said to Qui-Gon during his cold withdrawal. He knew he had hurt the man. Hell, he had even said, “I hate you!” directly into his Master’s face, while the man had pinned him down onto the bed, wrestling the sharp knife out of his hands. Obi-Wan could not remember, from where he had obtained the knife, someone must have given it to him, because his old Master had made sure that such things were far out of his reach. Obi-Wan had no idea, who it could have been. But he knew for a fact that Qui-Gon had found out.

The days after, he had refused to eat or drink, to a point, were it had gotten life-threatening. Even the older Jedi’s threats to take him back to the healers or to Force feed him, had not made him eat.

It was only when, one quiet evening, Qui-Gon had slipped under the covers and literally wrapped himself around him and told him, how much he cared and how much he worried, that Obi-Wan had finally given in. He had also stopped hating his Master then. It had been the beginning of his healing phase, though he had never told the assigned mind healers a single word, Qui-Gon had been enough.

In the here and now, Obi-Wan was almost asleep, only on the edge of dreams and awareness. Something held him back and he had no idea what it was. Suddenly, a warm feeling passed through him. It was awfully familiar, though Obi-Wan could not place it and it was, as if someone had kissed his cheek. An invisible burden had been taken off from him and it was enough to push him deep into the lands of dreams and wishes.

Had he opened his eye however, the ginger haired Council member would have seen the smiling blue form of a long haired Jedi, who had died a long, long time ago…