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harryhandstan · 3 years

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so..I hate that this is so late but happy to finally have this done and be posting it for y’all! hope you enjoy! thank you to my betas @tbslenthusiast, @serendipitystyles, and @summertimestyles you’re all angels!! also sham was so kind to help me create a playlist for this fic which you can find here!

this is for @taintedwonder‘s Styles Valentine’s Day fic challenge and most of the photos from the header were my inspo along with prompts 3. Can you just hold my hand? and 6. Let’s run away together.

as always any likes, rbs, replies, and feedback is welcome and very much appreciated!

word count: 4.1k

writing tag | masterlist

You can read his face before he even opens his mouth to speak.

“You have to leave again, don’t you?”

He doesn’t answer at first, just joins you where you sit on the bed, an arm around your waist to urge you closer to him. He presses a kiss to your shoulder, as if that will soothe the sting of what he’s about to say. He buries his face into your neck before he speaks.

“Only for a little while, angel.”

You don’t respond by returning the kiss like you normally would, narrowing your eyes down to where he’s hiding his face, “How long is a ‘little while’?”

“You could always come with me, y’know..”

He’s avoiding the answer and he knows it, eyes darting up only briefly to look at your face.

“How long, Harry?”

He’s fiddling with the hem of your t-shirt now, focusing on the loose thread hanging instead.

You nudge him lightly, pulling his attention back up to you, “Just say it! How long?”

He sucks in a big breath before releasing it and then the words come out in a rush, “A few weeks, possibly a month.”

You have to take your own deep breath before asking, “When do you have to leave?”

“Promise you won’t be mad?”

“Promise.”

“My flight’s on the 14th.”

“February 14th? As in we don’t get to spend Valentine’s Day together?”

“M’so sorry, love, I really thought we were gonna get to spend the day together.”

He’s pulled back from where he was hiding his face, studying yours now. It hurts him to see the disappointment written there; the pinch in your brow, the downturned corners of your mouth, the way your eyes have temporarily lost their shine and fallen misty.

“Ya really could come with me, y’know. Take a bit of time off, would do you some good to take a break.”

He knows better, knows it’s just a fantasy that you would ever be able to get that much time off from work to be able to travel with him.

“C’mon, love, let’s run away together.”

The way he’s looking at you know, it really wouldn’t take much more convincing to turn his fantasy into a reality.

“What am I gonna do when I’m cold and don’t have you as my personal heater to help me get warm?”

“S’why I left you my pillow to snuggle with. There’s a ton of extra blankets too, use as many of those as ya need.”

How could you explain that no amount of warmth from any blanket would ever compare to his? A blanket wasn’t capable of softly brushing your hair back from your face or tenderly pressing it’s lips to yours as you drift off to sleep. You open your mouth to try to illustrate such facts, but you close your mouth just as quick. You aren’t trying to be difficult or clingy, and you don’t want your last bit of time together to be filled with your complaints.

That thought only lasts for a moment, your anxiety building with each mile closer to the airport, “Well what do I do when your pillow doesn’t smell like you anymore?”

“I’ll try to be back before that happens, deal? Besides, you’ve got a whole drawer of my t-shirts to sleep in too. They all smell like me, right?”

“They do, but, Harry..what if..”

“Shh, hey, we’ve been through this before, right? S’gonna be hard for me to be away from you too, but I promise we’ll be alright. You can call me anytime you’re missin’ me, remember?”

His voice is that of someone trying to pacify a small child just before a tantrum, and you feel as though you’re being whiny and unreasonable. Missing him when he was away was almost unbearable though; everything seemed heavy and dimmer and you know it would feel like an eternity before you were together again.

“Promise we’ll make up today the second I come home. You plan the whole day and just tell me when and where to show up, okay?’

The fact that it was Valentine’s Day didn’t matter so much to you. You and Harry made it a point throughout your days spent together to express your love to one another whenever you could, so today was really just..another day to spend together. So it’s missing him that has tears forming in your eyes again, just as they had the night before.

“Can you just hold my hand? Until..” You don’t finish the sentence, letting your voice trail off so he won’t hear it break.

“‘Course I can, baby.” He offers his hand, never taking his eyes off the road even as he lifts your hand to his mouth to place a kiss to the back of it.

Though you know he would never admit to it, you swear you feel the speed of the car slow just the tiniest bit, Harry wanting to add as much to your limited time together as he can.

Despite it still being light outside, coming home to the space you normally share together alone makes you want to do nothing but crawl right back in bed. It’s mid-afternoon and with Harry not home to motivate you to do something more productive, that’s exactly what you aim to do.

After dropping your purse and keys near the door and double checking the locks, you’re startled by the sight of a bouquet of bright pink roses adorning your dining room table. They definitely weren’t there when you left, and you pluck the small card nestled between the flowers with your name scrawled across the front. It’s Harry’s almost illegible handwriting and the sight of it makes your heart soar with excitement before you flip it open to read the message.

It’s simple and small, more of his writing scratched across the cream colored paper in bold, black ink. Love, love, love, H. There’s a badly drawn heart underneath the note, and that makes you giggle out loud, filling the silence. If Harry were here, he’d have some cheeky comment about how adorable your laughter is, how he loved the sound of it.

“Don’t want you moping around the whole time m’gone, yeah? Promise me y’ll do more than just sulk around the place until I get back?” This reminder was given just before he’d had to rush off to catch his plane, giving you no time to offer him much more than a quick peck and a sad smile as an agreement.

So technically what you plan to do would not be considered breaking a promise, just..catching up on the sleep you would’ve gotten if you hadn't had to wake up so early to ride with Harry to the airport. Normally that was something you would decline to do, preferring to sleep in, which Harry usually was fine with; but this time he had insisted on you accompanying him on his drive, wanting to get as much time with you on this day as he could.

Just as you're about to venture down the hallway to the bedroom, you spot another item you’re sure hadn’t been on your coffee table earlier that morning when you’d left. It’s a medium sized box, messily wrapped with red paper and tied with purple ribbon and a bow. It’s quite heavy when you lift it, so you sit on the nearby couch to avoid dropping it. You waste no time tearing the paper away, lifting the lid to reveal a candle surrounded by tissue paper.

There’s a pack of two lighters wedged next to the candle, and you curiously pull it from the box first to see more of Harry’s handwriting on a red sticky note.

Baby you light up my world like nobody else...

That pulls another laugh from you, this one is bigger and echoes through the dimly lit space. The candle itself is a scent he knows you love, and you bring it closer to your face and inhale deeply. The smell of it helps ease even more of the unease and sadness of him being gone. You dig your phone out of your pocket to check the time and try to calculate whether his plane has landed and he would be able to answer a call from you.

You ultimately decide to nap first and give him a chance to get settled. He would most likely be calling you later anyway, missing you just as much as you missed him and wanting to hear your voice. You could thank him then for the flowers, candle, and the laugh. So you continue your journey to the bedroom, slipping out of your clothes and sliding open the drawer of Harry’s t-shirts. He’s right, they do all smell like him and you run your fingers along the soft fabrics before selecting one.

It’s plain white, one of his undershirts normally tucked beneath his expensive button ups and ruffles, but today it’s perfect and comforting attire to doze off in. It’s loose and just long enough on you that you don’t feel the need to put on a pair of your pj shorts with it, The bed is still messy from the morning, and you swear you can still see the outline of where Harry’s body normally tucks next to you on his side. You pull the blanket back and crawl into your usual spot, but it doesn’t feel right; it’s too empty and quiet without Harry.

You grab his pillow from his side and try your best to replicate the way you would curl yourself around him if he was here. It takes a bit of time to adjust, but eventually you give up and just try to relax into the mattress as much as possible, covering your head slightly with the blanket to surround yourself with warmth.

You peek through the space uncovered to the alarm clock on the bedside table on Harry’s side, the bright red letters read 12:32 p.m. and you let out a deep sigh before drifting off to sleep. If you weren’t so tired, the thought that crosses your mind might just make you laugh again.

Alone in bed in the afternoon on Valentine’s Day. What a shame.

You wake with a start, bolting upwards at the sound of your phone ringing loudly from somewhere near the bed. You don’t even bother to open your eyes to see who it is, just following the motions to answer and plop back down onto your spot as you let out an almost breathless and groggy “hello?”

“Not missin’ me too much, I see, took you a whole minute to answer,'' You know he’s joking by the hint of amusement in his voice and relief floods through your chest before any other feeling at the idea of him making it safely to his destination, “You alright, love? Sound a bit outta breath. Having some fun in our bed without me?”

“I..no, I was napping, promise, your call just scared me awake..how did you know I’m in bed?”

“I’m only teasing. Just a guess, figured you’d find your way back to the bed not long after you got home.”

“Found the flowers and the candle. Your note on the lighters made me laugh, thank you. How’d you do that though? They weren’t there when we left for the airport and you didn’t come back in.”

“Had one of my assistants drop the flowers off, and the candle’s been stashed in the closet for a week so she set it out for me while she was there. Wish I could’ve been there to see your face and hear that laugh,” He giggles at the thought of it, “S’that all you found? The flowers and the candle? I assume you found the one in the bathroom too, right?”

You’re more alert now, sitting up again to try to process what he’s saying more easily, “What do you mean? There’s more? The bathroom?”

“A few more, yeah. Hid here and there for you to find.”

“You left me a scavenger hunt? Do I at least get clues to help me find them all?”

“I’ve just given you one, haven’t I? Might be persuaded to give you a few more later.”

You’re up off the bed now, making your way to the bathroom where another surprise awaits. You hesitate for only a moment, stopping just as you reach the door.

“What’s in the bathroom? More flowers? One of those big, fluffy teddy bears?”

“M’not gonna tell you! You gotta go in to find out!”

Flipping on the light switch has you gasping at what you see. A heart, entirely made from more red sticky notes, each one embellished with reminders of his love for you. You stumble over words, trying to form a coherent response.

He senses your shock even through the phone and graciously gives you a moment before asking, “S’the heart all wonky or does it look nice? Told them to make it as straight as possible.”

“H..it’s beautiful! How did you have time to write all these before you left?”

“Finished up most of them last night after you fell asleep. They came to me a lot easier with my muse snoring next to me.”

You truly don’t know what to say to that. You’ve never had someone be so bright and loud with their love for you and just this simple expression makes you feel so incredibly special and loved.

You know that emotion is flowing through the phone when he speaks again, softer and lower, “Y’sure you won’t let me fly you out here to be with me?”

There’s the sound of another voice before Harry barks out another laugh, “Jeff says m’proper miserable without you. He said he’d pay you whatever your salary would be for the next month just to have you here.”

“Tempting, but..” Harry knows how much you love your job and how such a long absence would jeopardize the career you’ve built, so you know he probably won’t mention it again.

“Technically it was gonna be part of my present for you, so..I’ll give you another clue.”

“How very generous of you, H. Will this one make me cry too?”

“Maybe. Knowing you, probably,” You roll your eyes but listen for further instructions, “Just remember I had to rush and there’s still a few I didn’t get to add but, go get your laptop.”

“What’d you do to my laptop?”

“Would ya just go get it? C’mon I’ve gotta hang up soon and I wanna hear your reaction before I hafta go.”

“Alright, I got it. What now?”

“Go to your music library.” He gives you a moment to navigate through your programs, “Should be a playlist there with your name on it, lovie. Wait, are you already crying?”

“Shut up! Yes!” You wipe at your eyes with the hem of his t-shirt you’re still wearing as you try to read over the list of songs, “This is so sweet! The flowers, the candle, the heart and now this. Harry..I didn’t get you anything and you did all this for me. Thank you, I love you.”

“Love you more,” You can just picture the smug smile on his face, pleased that he’s done a good job of surprising you, “You can make it up to me later.”

“Don’t push your luck there, H. You’ve just been forgiven, I still have time to change my mind, you know.”

“I know. I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” You hear what you assume to be Jeff’s voice again in the background, “I gotta go, babe. I’ll try to call again later, alright?”

“Wait! I don’t get any more clues? Can you at least tell me how many more are left?”

“S’no fun for me if I give away all my secrets now, is it?”

It’s only a day later when you find yourself in the kitchen, uncertain about what to make for dinner, eyes scanning over the ingredients in your pantry. Your laptop sits on the counter nearby, and you hum along to My Girl playing through the speakers, a song selected for you by Harry for the playlist he recently made for you.

You’re about to give up and heat up your leftovers from the Italian take-out you had treated yourself to the night before, when you spot the pack of Haribo gummy bears wedged in the corner. You almost have to stand on your tip-toes to reach it, and when you run your hand along the shelf you find another bag of sweets not far from the gummy bears. You smile down at the two bags, his favorite candy and yours sitting side by side.

There’s another of Harry’s red sticky notes on the pack of gummy bears: Being away from you is unBEARable. More of his cheesy jokes you’re sure he thought of himself. Your candy is void of any words, just another messily drawn heart, this time with your name in the middle.

You decide to FaceTime him this time, wanting to see his face. It only takes 3 rings for him to answer, a tender “Hi, baby.” falling from his lips. The room he’s in is dimly lit, but you can still see him well enough to notice his hair is damp. His curls are more pronounced than usual, which was a sign he’d been too tired to much more than probably run his fingers through after his shower.

“Found another of your surprises.” You hold the candy up for him to see and he smiles.

“Better save me some of those Haribo, and not just all the colors ya don’t like either.”

You tear open the bag, sticking your tongue out at him before popping a few into your mouth, “I might, if you tell me where all the other surprises are.”

You can see him temporarily consider it, biting his bottom lip and meeting your gaze before he shakes his head, “Nah. I will tell you there’s only one more though..well, depends on how you look at it, but to me they only count as one.”

“They?”

He mimics locking his lips, and you decide to drop it for now, knowing you would most likely have to trick or beg him to tell you later. You’d let him think he won. For now.

You roll the top of the bag of candy down, opening the cabinet to tuck them back into the same corner you found them in. They just didn’t taste the same without him there to enjoy them with you. Plus you still had a still had leftover garlic knots and mushroom ravioli you planned to dig into later.

“S’that the playlist I made for you? Sounds like it.”

The song has changed to At Last, Etta James’ voice filling the small kitchen, “Yeah. I love this song.”

“Me too. Reminds me of you now..my love,” You sway a bit to the music before stopping, leaning forward to where your phone is propped on the counter, “Wish I was there t’dance with you.”

You try your best to hold back your emotions of missing him, but you imagine how he would rest his hands on your hips if was here. How he would spin you to face him and move his hands to rest on your back while he led you around in a slow circle across the floor. It wasn’t just his hands you longed for, it was the way he would bend to your ear to sing along to whatever song you were dancing to, especially one like this he knew you loved. You missed his voice in person, the way it would surround you with a comfort and peace you’d never be able to replicate with anything else.

No matter what you do you can’t stop your thoughts from trailing to how when the song was over, he would lift you to sit on the counter and kiss your forehead. You’re wearing one of his hoodies tonight, and you pull the sleeve down over your hands to use to try to quickly wipe away any tears before he sees them. Once you feel you’ve reined in your emotions to the best of your abilities, you clear your throat before speaking again.

“I miss you, H.”

“I miss you too, angel.”

The music has changed again, Don’t Worry Baby by The Beach Boys lifting the mood enough you don’t feel so heavy and overwhelming with your yearning for him. You take a deep breath, planning to ask him about his day, but before you have a chance he says, “Go to your bedside table. The top drawer.”

“What?”

“M’tryin’ to tell you where your last surprise is. Go to our bedroom and look in the drawer. I’ll wait.”

You flash him a smile before turning to make your way out of the kitchen, through your living room and down the hall to your bedroom. It takes a bit of searching before you uncover a stack of bright, pastel colored envelopes tied together with the same purple ribbon as the candle from the day before. You work quickly to untie the knot and turn the lamp on so you can read the front of each one. There’s 4 total; open when you need a laugh, open when you miss my hugs, open when you need a reminder of my love, open when you miss me.

You tear into the final one immediately, setting the others aside for later. It’s not very long, the perfect length to boost your spirit even further. Just the thought of him taking time to sit down and write his expression of love for you makes you grin, and has that same feeling of being loved spreading through you as it did the previous day when you saw the heart on the bathroom mirror.

You had almost forgotten leaving him on hold in the kitchen until you hear, even from 3 rooms away, the sound of him singing along to whatever song is playing now. You close your eyes, picturing for a moment that it’s a typical night when he’s home, darting around the kitchen while he makes dinner or puts dishes away.

You make your way back through the house to him, envelope in hand. Each one had been a different color so the second he sees which one you have his eyes brighten, his smile growing bigger the closer you get.

“Of course you opened that one first. Did y’like it?”

You shake your head no, breaking into a laugh when you see the look of disappointment on his face, “I loved it. Very charming of you to do all this just for me, H.”

“Yeah? I did a good job surprising you then?”

You roll your eyes. This man and his need for praise was too much, but he was yours, and you were his and you would do anything to assure him that you loved him just as much as he loved you.

“You did an amazing job, really, Harry. I never expected you to be able to do so much so last minute.”

His mouth drops open in mock dismay, looking down and shaking his head, “I can’t believe you would ever doubt me!”

You don’t say anything, just shake your own head at his teasing, sharing a look of adoration before you look away.

“Hey, did I leave my lip balm there? The coconut kind I use before bed? Thought I had it in my duffel but I couldn’t find it when I got here.”

“Yep. I used it earlier when I got out of the shower. Want me to send it to you?”

“Nah, you don’t have to, but..you could bring it to me in person if you wanted.”

“I would if I could, Harry.”

The tone of a new text from your phone startles you, and you try to suppress your elation as best you can at who it’s from. It’s Jeff, confirming the time of your flight he’d helped you schedule for the following day. Harry knows you too well, would instantly be able to read your face and be suspicious of what you were up to. You step away from his line of sight to let the thrill run through you, to let it fully wash over you so he wouldn’t see. You return as quickly as you can, brushing it off as if you’d just gotten a text from your boss or a friend. He was oblivious, none the wiser at what you were planning.

It was your turn to surprise him.

#stylesvdaychallenge #harry styles imagine #harry x reader #my writing

225 notes · View notes

vermillionbones · 3 years

Note

I'd love to hear more of your Phobditor HCs!!

ohoho thank you for enabling me anon i am going to kiss you directly on the mouth /pl

also slight warning for spoilers to the new(??) ending of project nexus!! i don't talk explicitly about what happens in general, but the stuff involving phobos is mentioned in the very first hc so for those of you who don't wanna be spoiled you can just skip that one lol. grab sum popcorn lads this one's a long one snbcnkcnvmv

Phobditor HCs!!

rbs very much appreciated 👉👈

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so i hc that phobos didn't actually get banished at the end of MPN, but he did get his ass handed to him to the point where he was so injured and drained of energy that he couldn't use most of his abilities. he went into hiding for a while and eventually found the AAHW, which he proceeded to join since he didn't really have anywhere else to go. after he'd healed and returned to his full strengh the auditor recognised how potentially useful he could be as a second in command, but ofc he'd have to earn her trust first. normally i don't try to make things make sense like this but since the auditor isn't actually in MPN i thought i'd at least try lmao

the auditor: ruthless girlboss by day, feral spouse-adjacent shithead by night

phobos is basically the same but instead he's manipulate mansplain by day and malewife manwhore by night /hj

before they got closer they'd never really physically interacted w/ each other, so phobos kind of assumed the auditor would be at least slightly painful to touch [cuz yknow. she's made of fire lmao]. plus he'd witnessed her setting things and people on fire with her bare hands before and he'd rather not get turned into a walking bonfire, thanks. the closest she'd ever been to touching him previously was like flicking the antenna on his helmet to piss him off

but like way, WAY later he finds out that audi can actually manipulate the temperature of their flames to an extent, so when they touch his hand for the first time he's really surprised when they're just like. pleasantly warm. kinda like the fuzziness you feel after you drink something hot but on the outside of your body

however this has also resulted in phobos using her as a mobile safety blanket lmao. sometimes if it gets too cold in the office he'll wander up to her and bug her until she folds a wing around him and tucks his head under her chin

when he's being a shithead sometimes she'll just pick him up by the back of his jacket and drag him off like a disobedient kitten lmao

They don't really have a super crazy height difference normally [i hc that audi is around 6'3 and phobos is 5'10 if he's not slouching] but sometimes she just morphs herself to have a several-foot height advantage just to fuck with him. like she'll appear in his office as this 9-foot-tall behemoth and he'll just be like "?? excuse me?? ma'am?? you can't do this to me???"

before he got to know her better, phobos had no idea the auditor preferred she/they pronouns over they/it like the agents around him seemed to think. he never made a big deal out of it and never explicitly brought it up, but he remembers to switch it up for her every now and then. plus whenever audi overhears him doing that she gets all fuzzy inside sfbfnckvj

phobos really likes her wings. he actually might be a little jealous of them, but he'd never tell her that sfvngk

ever since audi found out about this, they tend to subtly unfurl them and use them to gesticulate more when he's around. occasionally she'll use the claws at the peaks of her wings on touchscreens in place of a finger n stuff. she's also [gently] swatted him upside the head with a wing a few times when he was being a dickhead, but it doesn't really hurt him lol

she also lets him pet them when they're not busy. contrary to what he'd assumed, it doesn't actually feel like a whole lot to her - she's described the feeling as something similar to how it feels to have someone tracing their fingers along the back of your hand

phobos stims sometimes!! he has a bad habit of masking while he's working since a few of them are vocal and he doesn't want to distract anyone, but if he's just hanging out with audi he's totally chill. one of his more common ones is when he thinks out loud, either quietly narrating his current train of thought or saying unrelated words - usually confirmations like 'yeah' or 'mhm' - out loud cuz he thinks they're fun to say. occasionally he'll start humming low in his throat kinda like a microwave cuz he likes how his voice feels in his chest

also when he's standing idle sometimes he holds his arms closer to his chest and fidget with them

the auditor doesn't stim, but to people who know them well their wings are like big signs that can wordlessly describe how they're feeling [which is like my favourite thing to write cos wing emoting is really fun skdjbknk]. occasionally they might subtly flutter their wings when they're very pleased or receive good news, or flare them out when they're irritated/stressed

i always forget that phobos is actually like super powerful in canon so i hc that audi does too lmao. like it always slips her mind that he can teleport too so she'll dramatically disappear after telling him off for doing some dumb shit and fuckin scream when he somehow appears in the same room as her less than a second later

phobos has a red and black lava lamp in his office!! he'd never admit it but he got it cuz it reminds him of audi :]

phobos loves watching audi in combat for some reason. i mean he already likes watching them do stuff so he can backseat drive, but he's also quietly admitted that her fighting style is interesting to watch

he can't really put it into words, but it's because the way they fight looks incredibly effortless and fluid, mainly due to them having so much time to adapt to and understand their powers [both their original powers and the ones granted by the halo]. when phobos' own abilities started to surface he was incredibly unstable and struggled to properly harness them for months, so he thinks it's nice to watch someone who actually knows what they're doing for once.

much to the auditor's surprise, phobos is actually a bit insecure behind all that confudence, particularly about scars. after being close to her for a while, phobos came out of his shell a bit and explained how he managed to grant himself his powers/abilities, which is something i'll absolutely go further in depth with later [via a longer hc that i'm gonna post eventually lol] but to summarise he basically infused himself with raw madness in what he's eloquently dubbed 'the incident'. Of course, doing that to himself didn't come without consequence, and he's permanently scored with a variation of lightning & burn scars on his forearms, thighs, and most of his torso.

for the longest time, the most casual thing he'd wear even around just her was the long-sleeved sweater he wore underneath his trench coat, and he refused to change even if he was literally overheating. though eventually after he told her about what happened he felt way more comfortable and now whenever they're in their shared room audi practically has to throw a shirt at him to get him to wear one sbkcjcnk

the auditor has a sort of subspace/pocket dimension where they can store different items and recall them at will. normally it's pretty empty, but ever since she grew to like phobos she's started keeping miscellaneous things in there for him. sometimes she pulls out a drink or snack that he likes, sometimes she pulls out a little water gun with phobos' name scrawled on it and shoots him with it when he's being a shithead

they are both,, SO fucking touch-starved. like they will not let go of each other [at least if they're not currently in the middle of something or around agency employees] cuz internally they're both just going "wow!!! that's a hand i'm holding!!!!! there's a hand holding my hand!!!! wow!!!!!! i love this!!!!!"

having one eye isn't exactly the best thing for depth perception, especially when you're really tired, so sometimes audi has to hold phobos' hand and guide him around in the mornings because he can [and has] walked into walls and counters

even since before they became a thing, phobos had been a little envious of the auditor's halo and the powers it granted her. he used to subtly try to yoink it from her, maliciously at first but far more playfully later, where he'd like lightly grab it and give it a gentle spin above her head like a mobile. but his infatuation with the halo kinda died after she decided to let him borrow/try it out once by allowing him to link with it

by linking i essentially mean like wearing it, but the halo is so powerful that you can't just 'wear' it without letting it bond with a part of you

long story short, he went into it with far too much overconfidence & cockiness and the halo violently rejected him, kind of like how it rejected the auditor once. he wasn't at all prepared for the sheer amount of power that surged through him the moment it started to link with him, so it essentially short-circuited his brain and knocked him unconscious for the better part of a week. when he woke again, the auditor told him he was lucky his head didn't explode and calmly suggested they never tried that again, and he felt inclined to agree.

of course, he still toys with the halo while the auditor's properly linked with it since he knows it can't link to more than one host at a time. and despite his seeming ease and "it's in the past" sort of mentality about the whole event, if someone mentions the concept of him actually taking the halo and linking with it again, he'll shudder and shake his head, saying it's not his place to do so.

the auditor has no doubt it delivered a pretty harsh blow to his ego [being rejected by the thing that would make him a god would prolly do that], but knows he's too prideful to admit that.

audi likes listening to phobos when he goes off on super long monologues, especially if they're like those super cheesy villain monologues. like he could literally be talking about anything and she'll sit there to hear him out, especially if it's less related to work and more about himself

the auditor is super deliberate in the way they pronounce things and they tend to casually drawl their words out to further cement their cool, unbothered boss persona. however the way she talks doesn't really intimidate phobos anymore since he's also been next to her right after she's been woken up, when she's mumbling quietly & slurring some of her words together. he knows the big scary boss side of the auditor is just a persona used for everyone but him, so he feels a lot more at ease with them even when they're trying to be scary

even after being together for a while, phobos still has no fucking idea what the auditor is made of. like he's admitted to her that he's genuinely clueless, and if she lets him he'll spend like 99% of their downtime quietly interacting with her flames [read: curling his fingers through them and petting them] while he muses about his hypotheses for how stuff like her liquidy-shadow form works. they were a little suspicious of his motives at first, but after they relaxed they realised he was just genuinely curious and willing to share his concepts to see if he was right

they have like. the smoothest banter anyone at the agency has seen. like it's super cheesy back-and-forth stuff that wouldn't sound out of place in an 80s sitcom, but it just kinda flows out when they're both comfortable. and ofc they'd deny it if anyone mentioned it but they literally banter like an old married couple lmAO

-----------------

#madness combat #madness auditor #madness phobos #phobditor #this ended up being way longer than i anticipated but writing this was the most fun i've had in months /gen #oh and sorry if the formatting is a little fucky lmao #i tried to keep related hcs closer together while setting different ones apart if that makes sense??#gfnsbkjck i had to refrain myself from writing more about certain hcs like audi's wing emoting or phobos fucking up his link with the halo #if anyone wants me to elaborate on those i won't shut up about them ever LMAO #still tysm anon this was very very fun /gen #gel.txt

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kanmom51 · 3 years

Text

JM JK timeline - my observations how they grew over the years

Part 2 end of 2015

Disclaimer: these are my own opinions and conclusions. Feel free to disagree, but hate or aggression will be unacceptable.

Before moving on I had to re-watch the 29 Aug 2015 HK concert clip again (you know, just to make sure I’m making the right observation), and noticed something more. This has to do with JM’s facial expression when he catches JK looking at him, JK not averting his eyes. That look between them is something else alright. But, with Jimin, his expression then and later, when he continues to sneak gazes towards JK, with him the looks feels like “is this really happening?”, “is this for real?”, and one thing for sure, what we see is pure happiness. Just noticed this little extra thing and felt the need to share…

End of August 2015 was a turning point in JK and JM’s relationship.

We can see a total change in the dynamics on camera between the two. No longer this tug of war, or push and pull. From now it’s more of a pull and lean into or a calmness, a togetherness.

As of end of 2015 at every public appearance or award show appearance JK is always next to or behind JM (unless physically prevented by another member). He wants to and needs to be close to him.

2 Dec 2015 MAMA awards. Again JK behind JM, JM trying to pull him forward.

By no means was there any kind of sexual meaning here, just JM trying to pull JK forward. But what is clear here is the level of intimacy, that allows him to pull him by his crotch without JK even flinching. I mean dude, someone just grabbed you by the crotch… Even in SK, where skinship is abundant, I doubt feeling up or grabbing another’s privates is something that wouldn’t warrant some kind of surprised reaction, especially when it’s somewhat out of the blue. The lack of reaction here says something to me. Me and my criminal mind J.

JK pulled forward by JM and JK keeps moving back behind him. As I keep saying, JM is JK’s safe place, biggest example coming up in future post.

8th Dec 2015 Yokohama arena concert – JK sits next to JM, I mean really close to him, and puts his leg over JM’s leg, something that takes JM by surprise and brings a smile to his face. Jin, on the other hand tries to pull JK off JM, with no success, as JK’s going: “NOPE”, only to give up and sit down next to both of them. JK is like: “I’m doing this, and I don’t care what anyone thinks”.

JK’s funny like that, with his big gestures, being super impulsive at times, doing things without thinking it through, what the implications may be (RB ear nibble or hand signing I love you specifically to JM on red carpet, for example), while other times being so reserved, it may seem even cold, when interacting with JM. The latter is mainly when reacting to something JM does or says, and I think it comes from feeling inadequate, not knowing what the ‘right’ way is to react, possibly afraid of his reaction. It most definitely isn’t because they split up, or that he doesn’t love JM anymore. That is just part of JK’s personality and duality. He’s an invert, and as such doesn’t always know how to react socially. It’s just easier for him to act, rather than react.

There is a change in the way JK and JM interact. They lean into each other all the time. Whenever it’s up to them they are side by side, connected at the hip. They just seem happy to be next to each other all the time, the interaction between them at times flirtatious. Now JM was always a flirt, but this has now become a two way street.

I’d love to bring every single moment out there, every fansign, but this post would turn into many many more posts. So, to conclude end of 2015 and the shift in interaction in one word: MORE, there is just so much MORE.

Last, but definitely not least for 2015 we have to talk about KBS Gayo Daechukje 2015. I mean, this is a big one out there, and a pretty controversial one at that. There is the very famous JM coming of age question to JK: “Do you have a desire?” The controversy is to JK’s answer. I do not speak Korean, so I tried to read up as much possible to try and find out what exactly was asked and to the nature of the answer. I read about the drinking alcohol theory, that many tend to believe in, but I have also seen that many Korean Army’s disagree with this theory. I may not speak the language, but I do know how to read body language, and it was pretty loud and clear here. Did JK point at JM meaning that he was his desire? I don’t know if that is what he meant. I do know that both Hobi and JM were in shock by the action, they most definitely did not understand that he meant drinking alcohol, because if they did, their reactions would not have been: Hobi going “What? What?”, and JM being all flushed and shy and giggly and pushing and hitting JK and telling him to say something. I mean, come on…

As a whole, during the whole thing JK and JM were sitting super close, JK playing with JM’s hand, even way after he was supposed to let go of it, and enjoying hitting JM’s but a little too much. They were just so giggly and happy.

During that period, Aug to Dec 2015, when the relationship was budding, did JM and JK come outright and tell the rest of the members? Maybe they did, but I, personally, think this happened at a later stage, maybe sometime in 2016. At this point everything was new and uncertain. They were testing the waters, and there was no need to ‘notify’ the others about something that they themselves were unsure about at that stage.

Do the members notice the shift in the dynamics? I am not sure yet, although RM screaming out that JM will give JK 50 shirts for his birthday after JM was asked what his gift will be, and JM starting to answer that it will be a kiss, leaves me to wonder that maybe he did, or at least some of them may have had their suspicions at the very least.

A stand out example to me that members were unaware of what was going on is the Jin birthday surprise Vlive 10 Dec 2015 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BImv5dImzWo from 5.55min). Not necessarily what JM and JK are doing in the background, even though that JM is pretty much on top of JK, but more Tae’s reaction to what he can see on camera, turning around, JM’s jerking away with a very guilty look on his face (not guilty as I have been licking the cake face). But then Tae’s face, looking back again, with a perplexed expression, one of ‘what the hell????’ or even ‘Oh, wait a second…that explains so much…’ .

Insert photos+gif

Almost forgot…How can I end 2015 without the KBS Gayo Dec 2015 famous back hug dancing???? No words needed here. Skinship? Maybe? To me it just feels like what I mentioned previously… it just feels like MORE.

Insert photo

To be continued.

#jm #jk #jimin #jungkook #jikook are real #jikook love #love and support jikook #love and support jungkook #love and support jimin #bts

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glacecakes · 3 years

Text

The Life and Times of a Tiny Alchemist (1/?)

A series of oneshots set in the universe of Alchemy Lullaby (or, Dadgene and baby Varian). Eugene, Rapunzel, and Varian's life as a family, and the people who helped make it happen.

Current: Set post AL. Quirin adopts a young boy of his own, and bonds with the parents of his son's best friends.

I return! With more baby! There's never enough, all praise be unto him I have no idea how long this series is gonna be, tbh, the 5 is just a placeholder. I may post 20, I may only do 3. Who knows! Not me! I do have a lot of ideas though, lol. Reading AL (link in rb) is highly recommended, but you don't have to if you don't want to. TLDR Eugene adopts Varian, Ulla was a jerk and she's dead now. Hooray! Some of these will be cowritten by the lovely Finnoky who I love very much uwu

Ben is owned by @finnoky and @aj-illustrated :) he's Quirin's adopted son and he is a mini menace. I love him.

Quirin fidgeted awkwardly from where he stood across from to Eugene. It was weird to be back in the palace after… everything. Varian was still afraid of him, and he didn’t blame him at all. Neither did he blame Eugene giving him a distrusting look. But he wasn’t the main focus here. No. The focus was on a small figure currently staring Varian down.

If Varian was small for his age, Ben was even smaller. Though to be fair, Ben was younger; Varian had just turned five, if he remembered correctly, while Ben was still four. His curly black hair and cool brown skin stood out against the others of Dark Kingdom descent, but to Quirin, he was going to fit right in just fine. After all, both he and Varian had a common background.

Following the… incident in Old Corona, Quirin had taken permanent residence. It felt weird to live in what remained of Ulla’s old house, but the farm life suited him better than he’d thought. Almost as if it was what he should’ve done. Well, no use thinking of the past, he told himself. Only looking forward from here on out. Perhaps that’s what drew him to the Corona orphanage.

Varian wasn’t his son, not anymore, he’d accepted that. But now that he had the idea of fatherhood in his mind, he couldn’t let it go. He wanted to raise a child, wanted to be a father. So he’d trekked down and found Ben, with his button nose and roguish charm. The fact that he was Varian’s age was merely a coincidence, but perhaps the first step to repairing relations could be for the two to meet.

“So…” Eugene drawled, smacking his lips together. An awkward silence ensued. Honestly, what are you supposed to do in this situation? It felt a bit like Quirin had just grabbed a kid in an attempt to win Varian’s trust, but that’s not right… right? Quirin’s not that kind of guy, after all.

Then again… Eugene didn’t see him as the type to hurt Varian, but here we are.

“So.” Quirin hummed. Varian clung a bit closer to his dad when he spoke, fear clouding his baby blue eyes. To be fair, Ben was nervous too, his hands shaking where they were bunched into Quirin’s pants.

“Are you going to introduce us?” Eugene raised a brow, and Quirin startled.

“Oh! Yes. This is Ben, he’s four years old, and he’s going to be staying with me for a while.” He smiled down at the little boy. “Ben, this is Eugene and his son, Varian. Varian’s your age!”

Ben pouted, eyes narrowing in on Varian. Who was this kid? What made him so special that New Dad wanted them to meet? “Hi,” He mumbled, and Varian waved back shyly.

“Why don’t you two go play, hm?” Quirin’s eyes are warm, perhaps a bit overeager. “I’m sure you’ll get along.”

“I mean maybe,” Eugene muttered, but nonetheless pushed Varian forward gently. “Why not show Ben around the castle, hm? I need to talk to Quirin.”

Varian whimpered, squeezing his dad’s leg briefly. It was a small sign, a plea for him not to go. But he still let go, toddling over to Ben. The two shared eye contact, before he grabbed Ben’s hand and pulled him into the pristine halls he called home, away from the man who they both might have called dad.

“You wanna meet Ruddiger?” Varian asked, leading Ben down the hall towards his room. The kid was a few inches shorter than him, but his poofy hair was tall enough to compensate.

“What’s Ruddiger?” Ben said.

“My best friend!” Varian chimed, more chipper now that he was talking about something he enjoyed. “Well, outside of Hugo. But he’s different.” The younger opened his mouth to ask, but then shut it. Whatever, he didn’t really care all that much.

The castle was massive, nearly overwhelming in stature. How it dwarfed them, nearly swallowed them! Ben’s eyes kept wandering around, from the shadows cast by windows to the ironed carpet floor. How could anyone live like this? He loved his current home, its small farm feel. But Varian seemed right at home. Of course he would be, with his neat hair, and fancy outfit, stupid nice smile and friendly demeanor-

He’s cut out of his thoughts when a striped blur bounces into Varian’s arms. It wraps around Varian’s neck, purring, and suddenly all Ben’s concerns melt away. A raccoon! He loved raccoons!

“Can I pet him?” He whispers, starstruck. At Varian’s nod, he runs a hand through soft fur and squeals in delight.

He changed his mind, Varian rocks.

“So…” Varian says shyly, feet rocking back and forth. “Why did Quirin bring you here?”

“I dunno!” Ben chimed, giving Ruddiger a tummy rub. “New Dad said he wanted to show me off. Or something like that.” He shrugged. He didn’t actually pay attention to what New Dad said (he’d actually wanted Ben to make a friend). I mean, he was pretty great, in his opinion. So it was a logical assumption!

Varian frowned. “New dad…?”

“Yea! Cuz I had a dad before, but this one is new! And the best!”

“Really? Me too!”

“REALLY!?”

Varian nodded. “My dad is new, too! Quirin was my old dad.” Well, Eugene was his first dad, then Quirin, then Eugene again, but that wasn’t important.

Ben frowned. Quirin was Varian’s old dad? Did that mean he gave Varian up? Would he give Ben up, too? He didn’t want that! He liked New Dad! There had to be another explanation…

“Maybe he just didn’t like you.”

Varian gasped. “He liked me a lot! He took me from daddy because he liked me so much!”

“Oh yeah? Then why’d he give you up?”

“Why’d he adopt you? To replace me?”

Oh he did not just go there! Ben grit his teeth and glared up at the older kid, who was pouting down at him.

Ben stood up.

And lunged.

“To clarify, you didn’t adopt Ben to replace Varian?”

Quirin narrowed his eyes in anger. “I’m offended you would think that at all.”

Eugene raised his hands in defense. “I’m just making sure! I’ve seen it happen! Don’t want Ben to get left behind, you know?” It had only happened a few times, but it always stuck with the kids at the orphanage. Someone would come and scoop up a kid, trying to fill a hole in their heart, only to drop them back off when they were too much work or not enough like the kid they lost. It sucked. Why not just get a dog in that situation?

“Of course not. Varian opened my eyes to being a father, sure, but Ben is… special,” he smiled at the thought of him. “Such a silly boy.”

Eugene opened his mouth to respond when a shriek cut him off. It sounded like a young boy! Both fathers completely forgot what they were talking about and raced off in the direction it came from.

“That’s Varian!” Eugene cried, skidding to a stop in front of Varian’s room. He threw open the door, and both men gawked.

Ben had pinned Varian to the ground, hollering and hooting out war cries as he tugged on Varian’s hair. Varian screamed bloody murder and slammed his fists into Ben, grabbing at whatever skin he could find.

“Not again, Ben,” Quirin moaned.

You’d think that after that debacle, they wouldn’t put Ben and Varian together again.

You’d be wrong.

Because about a week later, Varian had tugged on his dad’s pants and asked, “Can we go see Benny?”

Eugene had raised an eyebrow. “You mean Ben and Quirin? I thought you hated him?”

“No!” Varian whined. “He’s fun. He makes me cry.” Eugene didn’t understand it at all, but he supposed if Varian wanted a relationship with his birth dad and his son, he couldn’t really deny him. So they’d started weekly playdates, alternating who travelled where.

The knight (or, well, former knight) was still getting used to his new routine. At dawn he’d get up to help the people of Old Corona, then start on his own farmwork. He started small, just tending to the crops Ulla had. Around midmorning Ben would join him, playing with the wooden sword he’d gifted the lad. It was around then, on a crisp spring morning with sweat lacing his brow and the earth warm at his feet, that he heard his son squeal in delight.

“Varian!” Ben cried, running over, lugging his sword behind him. “Look! New Dad got me a sword!” With a heave he brandished it, holding it high above his head. Unfortunately, he was top heavy, and both boy and sword fell to the ground. Varian laughed, standing over his new friend. Ben pouted up at him, tears budding in his eyes. He whined, and Quirin dropped his farm tools at the sound. His feet carried him over to where he feared Ben was about to burst into tears.

The whines abruptly stopped and Ben started to laugh, joining Varian. He reached up and pulled Varian down into the dirt alongside him, prompting more giggles.

Eugene stood nearby and shrugged.

“Is this normal?” Quirin asked, flabbergasted.

“Don’t ask me, man! I’m just as lost as you.”

“I… Maybe they’re just like this?”

“Yea that’s the working theory.” Eugene let out a breathless laugh. The boys had taken to wrestling, rolling around in the earth like a tumbleweed.

“Boys!” Quirin called, and they stopped to look up. He smiled fondly. It warmed his heart to see. Varian wasn’t his, he knew that. But that didn’t mean he didn’t care deeply. And to see both of the children getting along so well? It filled him with more joy than he’d had in years.

He motioned for them to wait a second, running inside before grabbing his prize. Good thing he’d thought to buy a second for himself. Varian’s face lit up when he reemerged with an identical wooden sword.

The knight leaned down, digging the sword point into the ground. “Can I trust you two not to hurt each other?” He asked. Varia nodded violently. “Alright,” He almost said son out of instinct, though he doubted that would go over well. He held the toy out as if he was a knight suiting up his king. In a funny way, he was.

Varian snatched it up, running over to where Ben waited. He let out a shrill scream before jumping at him with the sword, completely ignoring what Quirin had just said.

Ben shrieked, dodging just out of the way in time. He raised the sword high, this time leaning forward in order to fall towards Varian. Their wooden swords collided with a donk .

“Surrender!” Ben yelled, a feral grin on his face.

Varian’s face was just as unhinged with glee. “Never! I will avenge… uh…” He looked over to Eugene, who had walked over to join Quirin in the peanut gallery. “Dad! Can I avenge you?”

“Sure,” Eugene responded.

“I will avenge my daddy!” The little prince cheered. It wasn’t a graceful fight, considering how young they were. It was mostly just two wooden blocks smacking together over and over, with the occasional changing of positions. But the boys seemed to have a blast, and that was enough.

“So,” Eugene hummed. Maybe it was the castle staff rubbing off on him, maybe it was that “parent” drive for gossip. Honestly it could be either one. “How is Ben settling in?”

“See for yourself,” Quirin smiled, gesturing to where Ben was chasing Varian through the orchard. “He’s got a warrior’s spirit, that’s for sure. Lots of energy,” his face fell slightly. “He only uses it when he doesn’t think I’m looking, or when he’s outside. It’s like he’s afraid of messing up and upsetting me.”

“Yea, orphanages are pretty strict, he’s probably just getting a feel for the new rules,” Eugene stuck his hands in his pockets. “Varian was the same.”

“Really?”

“Yea, for a few weeks he was terrified of anyone that wasn’t me or Rapunzel.” His smile turned wistful. “Or you, actually.”

Quirin sighed, a bittersweet sound. “I’m just… glad he’s happy,” he managed. Neither of them had really talked yet, about Ulla, or the moonstone, or really… anything about their situation. Perhaps someday they’d be ready. But for now, this was enough.

Quirin wasn’t the only single parent in Corona. Hell, he wasn’t even the only foreigner who knew Ulla and then adopted.

Hugo and Ben probably wouldn’t have gotten along on their own. Hugo was a know-it-all, mischievous, and used his cuteness to his advantage. Ben was stubborn, a stickler for rules, and brutally honest. If they had been left alone, someone probably would’ve gotten hurt. Whether it be one of the boys, or a bystander, that was up for debate.

But they both adored Varian, and Varian adored them. So it was pretty easy for them to form an inseparable trio.

Both Quirin and Donella walked their boys to the castle, watching with amusement as Hugo tried to show Ben what he was reading for the week. It was cute how Hugo adored school, though he wondered how long that would last. Ben was in turn telling Hugo all about the frog he saw in the fields last night.

“It was huuuuge!” He insisted, racing a bit ahead. “Like the size of Ruddiger!”

“Nuh uh!” Hugo pouted. His little ponytail whipped around as he shook his head. “Frogs aren’t that big!”

“Are too!”

“Are not!”

“Are too!”

“How big do you think a raccoon is?” Donella butt in, amused.

Ben shrugged. “Big. Maybe like…” he holds his hands out so wide that he almost strains his shoulders. “This big?”

“But if he was that big, we couldn’t pick him up?” Hugo argued. That causes Ben to falter. For a moment his father feared a real argument, but instead Ben lights up and laughs.

“Hugo, you’re stupid! We can’t pick him up!”

“You mean you can’t, cuz you’re a baby.”

Ben shrieks in offense, but still retains a smile. The conversation quiets significantly after that.

“So,” Donella said, turning to Quirin. “It appears we have a lot in common.”

Quirin groaned. If it were up to him, no one would have ever learned about his past; about Varian’s parentage, the woman who tricked him, and her inevitable downfall. But the royal family wasn’t one for secrets (well, except for Frederick). They didn’t tell the entire story, that would be ridiculous, but rather simply said that Ulla had kidnapped Varian and Quirin assisted them in stopping her. The only ones who knew the full story were those directly involved… and those who knew Ulla firsthand. “Is this about our boys, or our ex?”

She smirked. “It was fairly easy to put two and two together. Ulla is… was… something else.” Donella scratched at her scar, an unfortunate habit she picked up. “When we parted ways, I thought my stay in Corona would just be temporary. I’d lay low in the one place she’d never go, and then head back to the Iron Kingdom. Clearly, that didn’t happen.” Her face fell to a frown, squinting at the too bright sun and unpolluted streets. Some shopkeeper waved at them, and Donella simply rolled her eyes. The blinding palace sparkled in the sun as they approached, and part of her lamented not bringing her work goggles, as they might have provided some protection. Over half a decade later and she still wasn’t used to this place.

“What changed?” the farmer asked.

Her eyes fell to their sons.

“Oh.”

“Varian!” Both boys cried in unison. Varian stood in the courtyard, bouncing up and down where he stood. With a fond smile, Eugene let go of his hand, and all three slammed into one another, mouths moving a mile an hour.

“Varian I saw a frog!”

“Well I brought a book! And Mr. Finn says I’m at a 3rd grade level! Whatever that means!”

“And I saw a frog!”

“Well I saw a duck!”

“REALLY?”

“It was a goose,” Eugene corrected. “Hi Don, hi Quirin,” he waved.

Varian giggled, dragging his best friends inside while they continued to talk. His cheeks were a bright red, Hugo was smiling so hard it had to hurt, and Ben eagerly ran circles around the older kids.

He and Donella left to run errands in the capital, leaving their boys in good hands. When he came back, groceries and supplies for his new home in hand, he was directed to a small living room.

The room looked like it had been torn apart, with toys and books and games strewn about. Some were still open, others not even out of their packaging. A fire dimly flickered in the fireplace, illuminating a quiet scene in the center of the wreckage. All three boys slept on the floor, oldest to youngest. Hugo and Varian were holding hands, with the older facing the younger as he snoozed. Varian was smiling in his sleep, his ebony hair reflecting the flames. To his left Ben was passed out, one arm on top of Varian’s stomach, and one of Varian’s legs atop Ben’s. A soft burgundy blanket covered them all.

“It’s cute, right?” Eugene whispered as he approached. “I half expected them to set the place on fire.” Quirin snorted.

“You’re just in time, the first meeting about childcare reform starts soon.” The prince consort continued, motioning for him to leave the boys be.

He beamed. He may no longer be Quirin, knight of the Dark Kingdom, protector of the moonstone. Now he was Quirin, farmer, father, advisor to the royal family and newly-formed Child Protective Services.

He liked this Quirin better.

“So,” he said. “Lead the way.”

#varian #tangled the series #tts #tangled #tts varian #eugene fitzherbert #tts eugene #team awesome #varian and the seven kingdoms

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jevilspamton · 3 years

Note

if you don't want to answer this, feel free to ignore it!! that's perfectly fine - i don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. but i saw your tags regarding s*nic w*ldf*re and i wanted to know what they did/if i should avoid them, particularly because you mentioned a large age gap & them introducing you to inappropriate content? obv. feel free to ignore/answer on private, i hope things get better for you soon

the inappropriate content part mostly had to do with a separate group i was in when i was 12 i shouldve worded that better in my post sorry!!!

i was initially gonna answer privately but i typed out so much so im like...fuck it. might as well not let my time go to waste

i don't want this to be a ""callout"" post because i dont think this really...classifies as one. i'm just sharing my experiences and my opinion on what happened to me and my friends. this is not an attack. this is venting, if anything.

im going to make this statement and im going to move on! because that's the healthiest choice for me to make! sonic-wildfire can go be mad, he can vague about me, he can call me insults, i do not care. this is for my mental health and my wellbeing.

i'm going to let this out and then get on with my life because i'm finally starting to be happy and i'm not going to allow this to drag me down <3

now onto the actual ramble (i tagged it as #long post (as well as general content warnings like s///icide mentions and all that if you dont want to see this go ahead and filter it):

he didnt have anything to do with explicit images and i didnt say it was a large age gap, just an uncomfortable one, but!!!!!

essentially he is 18 (turning 19 in april), i'm 16. we broke up this year i cant remember if it was before or after he turned 18 in april but regardless it shouldnt have been my responsibility to be the one to prompt the breakup (we were in a polyam relationship with someone else who was about 16 or 17 iirc. we dont talk anymore but thats another story :P)

he projected attraction to a fan artist's version of a sonic character a very clearly meant to have sexualized undertones/creepy OVERtones. the character in question (mighty) is 16. i talked to him about it but he denied it and said he would never display attraction like that to even fictional minors even though i pulled up screenshots of himself going "im gay" @ the images and other portrayals of attraction in tags of his rbs from it, then proceeding to spam delete them after people started dogpiling and agreeing that the topic and the op of the art was very creepy. he got very defensive and said some questionable shit to defend op ("it's not outwardly predatory" etc)

he made suggestive jokes about me and him around the time we were dating, he continued to make them about me and during those recent times i didnt really...realize that wasnt ok so i enabled him by making those jokes back, this was even after i broke up with him which made it a lot worse imo

he was extremely attention grabbing and kind of lowkey passive aggressive/guilt trippy all the time. he also had very bad anger issues and had a VERY heavy history of making a lot of people in the server uncomfortable or even panic

he liveblogged his contemplations and attempt of su*c*de, making my close friend have a panic attack because for the next few hours he didnt say anything. keep in mind 90% of the server has minors in it. he liveblogged this to all these kids including myself who all have triggers related to that sort of topic. we had to set a fucking rule in the server to prevent him from feeling like he could do this again in the vent channel. we understood and were very concerned for his wellbeing and mental health but as one of the older members its supposed to be your responsibility to know where its appropriate to share things like that. in a server with kids, some of them you havent even spoken to once, is not one of those places

i also recall a happening last year with him sharing a gore image of human brains piled in a bathtub while me and a few other people were in a vc with him. had to delete it immediately and tell him to stop. he thought it was appropriate and funny which is so fucking gross, this was during the time he barely knew most of us and we were far from being close friends, and even then that still wouldnt have been appropriate

i could go on and on but tldr hes a very unstable individual who has made a lot of people, both adults and minors, uncomfortable and he threw a fucking fit when we removed him from our server and i blocked him not long after and he called me a "scheming liar" or whatever because i wished to leave off on at least good terms which is why i talked to him before kicking him in the first place. good terms doesnt mean friends. just no hard feelings for cutting connection. he clearly still felt too clingy to me and then got upset when i removed him for good for my mental health

but yknow then he's allowed to vague and ask mutuals for any sonic servers so if he finds us so replaceable idk why hes throwing so much of a tantrum over it??? but yea theres my rant. i was gonna post this privately but, honestly, i feel like people need to hear about this because he is kind of a popular person in the sonic tumblr fandom

to anyone thinking of sending hate or waiting for him to turn on anons again, dont. thats so petty. just let him vague it out of his system because really thats the only way he ever manages his severe anger issues. block him (or block me if you disagree with this ramble or whatever) or dont, i dont care, this is just my story and my experience with him for the past year and a half and im trying to relieve the tension and weight on my shoulders from having to deal with this for the past day or two

TLDR #2 basically just be wary of sonic-wildfire because he has a long history of being very uncomfortable and otherwise harming other ppls mental health and general comfort. you are not obligated to block him. thats your own choice. just please remember these are my experiences and my opinions and i don't expect everyone to adopt these points of view as their own if they do not wish to

#ok to rb #long post #negative #age gap tw #gore mention tw #?#long #.txt #my post #suicide mention #suicide ment #suicide tw #suicide mention tw

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guccifloralsuits · 3 years

Note

Hello, I’m a new harrie here. I left twitter because it was toxic and I love him but I can’t do it anymore but I want start up here but I feel I’m over my head and am not sure where to start or how to start meeting people and right now it feels like I’m just talking to a wall. do you have any advice to help make mutuals or get followers or to help with feeling more a part of things? Idk you seem like you’d know also I’m a little intimidated by you but feel free to not answer if this is annoying

It’s not annoying at all omg!! (Also y do ppl think I’m scary I promise I’m not mean 😭). But welcome & we are excited to have u!!

For advice I think I made a post forev ago but I can’t find it so here’s the general version. w/starting up & growing ur blog I could give u the ✨just do u and that’s enough✨schtick but tbh here’s the real tea:

ur blog icon & url do play a factor in whether I click on ur blog to check it out after u follow. A good icon & url like “grammyharry” might get me 👀 whereas one like “1136799xlxsharrie” prob isn’t gunna grab my attention. w/this: make sure ur url & icon is a reflection of ur blog as a whole

make & tag original posts w/ the category/subjects so those w/similar interests can find u thru general tumblr searches. This is 110% what I used to do & it got my posts a lot more seen when I was just starting out. w/this: limit the categories to around 5 tags max (otherwise it starts to get excessive). This is also how I found some fun peeps to become friends w/in the CM fandom despite not knowing anyone in it b4 lol

Make sure your blog is findable via search & that you allow tumblr to rec you in “blogs you might like” to others. Do this by going to: Settings > Visibility > turn off both options.

Interact a lot w/blogs you like who you’d want to have an eventual mutual with. If you consistently interact w/my blog, I WILL eventually notice & check out yours. Send asks, like or reply to posts, rb w/some thoughts in the tags, ect. Be active!

If possible, make ur main-blog for the content you most want to find mutuals/fandom community in. You can absolutely do it through a side-blog too, but it’s a lil easier/less work to get noticed via long-term interacts w/others when your likes/asks/replies are from ur main.

Be yourself!!! Let ur personality & interests shine through posts & reblogs. I promise you’ll eventually attract wonderful ppl who share the same outlooks & interests. It takes time to find community/curate your best experience on here, but it’s SO worth it in the long haul when you do.

Hope this helps - good luck & I believe in you!!!!!! ILY

#asks #start up advice

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human-trash-fire · 4 years

Text

Shot Through The Heart: CH4

I couldn’t wait to share the next chapter, so you beautiful humans are getting it early! As always mad shout-outs to everyone who is following along/ RB/ liking this fic <3 I can’t tell you all how fucking grateful I am for all of you.

special thanks to @highqueenofelfhame for previewing the fic and making me feel like it’s worth it to write!

As always the fic is available in its entirety on ao3 glam_reaper2

** IMPORTANT NOTE: The header image is 100% what Rowan imagines when she takes a shot even though it definitely didn’t go down that way.**

******************************************************************************** Aelin:

Two weeks had come and gone since she had hauled the giant box full of goodies to the post office. Fenrys told her that mail was always delayed but that he was both excited and grateful they had sent them something. She made him promise two things: one, he wouldn’t tell the rest of the cadre that a package was coming. Aelin knew that they mentioned sending the boys something, but she didn’t want them to know when. And two, they had to open their care packages ‘Yulemas style’ all sitting around, on Skype, so Lys, Elide and her could watch their faces/ get a chance to finally talk to them face to face.

During those two weeks they continued their flirty conversation when he wasn’t on mission and away from his phone. She woke up nearly every morning to a text, and fell asleep texting him each night. After the first few days they had moved their conversation off twitter, they iMessaged back and forth and had exchanged Snapchat information so they could send each-other little videos and such. Talking to Fenrys was comfortable. He found a way to brighten almost any situation, and she found that anytime she was irritated recently he could always cheer her up. She kept most of her past private, and though he volunteered more intimate details of his life he never pushed her to share hers. It was nice, if she was being honest, even if this went absolutely no where she was so glad to have met him.

Fenrys told her stories about his friends too, Aelin got the impression that he was kind of like their glue. He was the youngest at 27 (apparently Connall was born 3 minutes earlier and had lorded that fact over him for as long as he could remember). Vaughn and Gavriel were both 28, Rowan was 29, and Lorcan (Elide’s new project) was 30. He and Connall had enlisted when they were 18, they attended training in Perranth and ended up qualifying for special forces at an unheard of 19. That’s when they met the others, the Cadre. Aelin laughed so hard when she found out that’s what they’re known as in the military world, she had thought she was just being cheeky when she’d called them so in their video. That’s also how Connall had met Vaughn. Apparently, he spent 4 years pining after him.

>> So how did they end up together?

<< It was so obvious they were into each other but too ‘bro’ to say anything. Worried about “team dynamic” or whatever, because Gods know we didn’t give a shit if they’re together. Then one day we’re taking shots at a bar, Con is talking to some dude, I think he was honestly trying to get over his feelings. Vaughn sees this and gets mad jealous, slams a double shot of Johnny Walker, mutters ‘fuck it’ and storms right up to them. He grabs other dude by the shoulder, shoved him out of the way, and right as Con was about to say something he kissed him. We cheered, we all got entirely too drunk, and now here we are! It’s been 4 years and I’m so happy for them.

>> That’s fucking amazing, and honestly romantic! <3

The Cadre as it stood now had been the most elite team for 8 years, running blackops around the world. And tonight was the night she and the girls would get to talk to them for the first time. Aelin was so excited she could barely contain it, there was nothing more fulfilling than giving someone a gift in her opinion.

*********************************************************

Rowan:

They finally had some down time. Command had promised them 2 days, which was more time than Rowan had expected. They’d been running themselves ragged ever since they discovered Maeve was in country. There was talk about an intel operative gathering more information on her plan, but so far they hadn’t gotten the call Rowan had waited 5 years for. He wanted a green light. He wanted her dead. He was stuck waiting on orders, and had spent 2 weeks seething while they ran, in his opinion, bullshit missions up and down the sector.

It had also been two weeks since Rowan had woken up to two instagram notifications. He had, in all honesty, forgotten he had the app. Work was his life, and he was never big on social media, but there they were. It was 0330 and he reached over, seeing the notifications he clicked and his jaw hit the floor. Aelin Galathynius had not only followed him but liked one of his pictures… The oldest picture there. What the fuck? He thought as he stared at her name right below the picture. This has to be an accident, but why would she be looking this far back? He didn’t really know how to feel about it. She was stunning, she was famous, and she was Fen’s date. She shouldn’t be liking his shit on instagram. She should even know who he was.

He clicked her name.

There were hundreds of pictures, her with her friend’s, her with her dog, her with nearly every famous young person in Orynth. There were red carpet photos and vacation photos, little videos from different movie sets and links to fundraisers for various social causes. He didn’t realize he’d been scrolling through them for so long until Fenrys yelled at him for sleeping in. He quickly shut down the app and hurried off.

For the next two weeks he found himself going back to her instagram more that any healthy person should. There was something about her eyes, there had always been something about her eyes, since the first time he saw her on screen. They swallowed him whole, it was like drowning in an ocean of fire and- what the hell is wrong with you? Get your shit together Whitethorn. He chided himself. His mind was all over the damn place. Fenrys, as expected, hadn’t kept to his “no talking about her ever again” end of the bargain. Being his spotter he was with him nearly 18 hours a day, the boy never shut up. Apparently they hadn’t stopped talking, and Rowan caught him sending stupid snapchats or typing furiously with a shit-eating grin on his face nearly ever moment they were back with their phones. Everytime his face lit up, or he said something like “Aelin was saying…” he found himself clenching his jaw. He had no idea why, he was happy for Fen, this was his dream come true.

Rowans jaw hurt.

*********************************

“Wash up boys, and try to look presentable, meet me in the office at 1700. Don’t fucking be late,” Fenrys said to them after training. It may be down time, but they all still met at the base gym for a few hours of PT in the afternoon.

“What the hell for?” Lorcan grumbled. Fenrys just winked and sauntered towards the showers.

1655 on the dot Rowan walked into the office, followed by Connall and Vaughn. The others were already there, Lorcan and Gavriel looking just as confused as he felt, and Fenrys with that insufferable grin plastered on his face. He had showered, brushed his hair, and put on possibly the tightest shirt he owned with a pair of black joggers. Rowan caught his eye and lifted a brow.

“Alright you grumpy bastards, grab a chair and come here,” Fenrys instructed while pointing towards the projector they used for movie nights. It had a camera attached to the top for more official calls with command, and they often used it to Skype their families back home. Skype was pulled up now, and they all found their seats in front of the screen. Rowan sitting towards the center chair that was left open for Fen. Vaughn and Connall had taken the two to his right while Lorcan and Gavriel brought up the other end.

Fen was dragging a giant box out from beneath his desk when the familiar ringing began to echo through the room. He immediately dropped it in front of his chair and scrambled to answer the call. “Hello gorgeous,” he purred as the image on the screen in front of them came into focus. Once again, the cadre was floored.

“Hello handsome,” Aelin winked. “Gentleman” she nodded to them all and stepped back. Alongside her sat Elide and Lysandra, smiling and waving at the screen. The men sat up a little straighter, and awkwardly waved back.

“Is it ready?” Aelin practically squealed.

“Yeah! Should I open it?” Fenrys asked, and Rowans attention shot back to the moving box in front of their chairs. No way, he thought. They had mentioned the possibility of sending them something but he didn’t honestly believe it would happen. Agreeing to come to the ball was already unbelievable, but a care package? The box was so big it easily could have fit a body.

“One second. Okay so Hi, I’m Aelin, obviously, and these are my girls.” She gestured beside her. “It’s so nice to officially get to talk to you all! We’ve heard so much about you from Fen.”

Fen, she says. Like they’re close. Rowan’s jaw clenched again. He shook his head and crossed his arms, then uncrossed them because he realized he probably looked rude. He didn’t know what to do with his hands and was so busy trying to look nonchalant he was startled when he heard his name.

“Whitethorn!” Fen yelled, it clearly wasn’t the first time he’d called for him. “Say hello to the women and try and remember your manners.”

“Oh,” he cleared his throat. “Hey... I’m Rowan.”

“We know,” Aelin smiled, and Rowan was momentarily stupid.

“Okay, as much fun as official introductions are, Fen can you open the box? Inside it are smaller boxes with each of your names. Enjoy!” Aelin chimed. As Fenrys ripped open the box Elide and Lysandra started asking each of them questions. At the same time Aelin reached past the camera to grab 3 shot glasses and a bottle of Johnny Walker. Jealous Rowan thought. That was his favorite drink. Of course she would drink it, she looks like that, and shoots whiskey. Gods have mercy...

Fenrys passed him a large box, and when they each held their own he spoke again. “This is like Yulemas Ace, thank you! Can we just tear them open or do we go one at a time?” Ace? How adorable. Rowan’s eyes found Aelin’s again, and it felt like she was looking at him, but it was a giant screen and that was nonsense.

“Oh, tear in! Fen told us a little about each of you so we tried to go with things you might like. I hope we guessed right!” Aelin’s smile was like the sun, as he looked down to begin opening the package on his lap Rowan felt a rare smile grace his own lips in response. With a loud cracking noise 6 boxes popped open, and the room was filled with “NO WAY”s and “ THANK YOU”s as the cadre tore through their gifts.

On the top of each box was an Orynth Bane Jersey, they were all Ashryver jerseys (obviously) and stitched in the pro style. As he unfurled his he realised that the entire team had signed the jerseys for each of the men. He began shaking his head, this was already more than they could have ever asked for.

“The boys wanted to say thank you as well! Aideon and Ren got you all, and us, some front row, 50 yard line-” At that Elide made an unladylike snort, Aelin choked, and Lysandra glared. The Cadre was clearly missing something. Aelin cleared her throat in an attempt to recover, “50 yardline tickets. Whole VIP experience for the Adarlan game in November!” She finished, and that statement was met with cheers from all of them. The Bane was their favorite team, and while they had seen a couple games they never could have dreamt of what she was talking. Granted her cousin was the starting QB and “Ren” was his best running-back. This is insane he thought.

With the jersey, and tickets out of the way Rowan looked back into the box. Sitting right there was a bottle of Johnny Walker black label, 3 expensive cigars, a cutter, a lighter, and a shot glass that read “SSG Whitethorn reporting for Booty.” He didn’t know when he had started giggling like a school boy, but he was entirely sure he looked like an idiot.

He looked up with his shot glass in hand, and stared at the screen. The others still had their heads in their boxes, but he was looking at her. “Classic,” he wiggled the shot glass “Thank you so much Aelin.” She smiled a soft smile, and nodded.

He glanced around and saw his friends had all received a bottle of their favorite liquor as well, Connall and Vaughn were already lighting a cigar each while digging through the rest of their boxes. The smoke was sweet, and the room smelled of vanilla and burnt sugar. The girls were currently taking shots on skype and clapping when something new was unveiled or explaining why they included certain random things.

“Salvaterre!” Elide shouted. The tiny woman’s cheeks had begun to flush, she was clearly feeling the shots she had taken so far. Lorcan’s head shot up and she giggled, he sat up a little straighter, and she leaned into the camera. “There’s something a little special in there for you, you’ll know it when you see it. That’s from me. You’re welcome.” She winked and Rowan swore his friend blushed. The rest of the men had seen it too because everyone began laughing, and he made a note to try and figure out what exactly she’d sent that made him act that way.

The next thing he unpacked was a pair of super lush running shoes, Fenrys clearly had given all their shoe sizes to the women because he was holding a $200 pair of black sneakers. It was beyond too much but Aelin looked so excited when they all started trying them on, the desert ruined your shoes. The last items in the box were something else entirely. A small stuffed hawk sat in one corner, it wore a nametag: Buzzard. He raised it and an eyebrow to the screen and Aelin started laughing. “Buzzard?” he asked.

“Indeed sir. Can’t tell you why though, it’s a secret.” She slammed a shot back “You each got a little stuffed animal to keep you company on the long nights. Since you can’t have puppies in the desert apparently.” He shook his head laughing, this girl was too much. Next to where the Hawk had been laying was a wrapped package. He lifted it up and was about to tear it open when she half screamed, “WAIT! Okay so, wait. This is my favorite gift.” She had everyone’s attention now turned to him. Fenrys was laughing, apparently he knew what came next.

“Oooookayyyyyy.. I’m a little nervous,” Rowan admitted. He didn’t like the spotlight on him like this.

“Well here’s the thing, as you can see everyone got their favorite sweets,” she made a sweeping motion at the camera. “Candy is an important food group, but Fen said you don’t like sugar or something. Which by the way is blasphemous. Anyways, I asked what your favorite food was and he said-”

“MEAT ON A STICK!” The entire cadre chorused, along with all three women on screen. They were all laughing like it was the funniest thing they had ever heard.

“But I couldn’t send you a kabob, so I figured this would be the next best thing!!”

He tore open the package in his hands. Sitting there were 8 bags of beef jerky and a packet of skewers. He started laughing so hard, tears were streaming down his face, “Thank you!” he croaked between fits of laughter.

After the gifts were all opened, cigars were lit and shots were poured. The group drank and laughed for hours. At one point the girls started playing music on their end, and the Rowan found himself singing along with everyone to Bohemian Rhapsody and watching Aelin dance on her kitchen table. It was the lightest he’d felt in years. Lorcan and Elide had exchanged numbers and he could see the girl texting him from the screen. Connall and Vaughn were in the corner in matching jerseys kissing and dancing to the music on the speakers.

They eventually said their goodnight’s, and another round of heartfelt thank you’s. As Rowan half stumbled into his bed he found himself still smiling and holding the small stuffed Hawk that smelled of lavender and embers.

***************************************************************

TAG LIST <3

@http-itsrebecca

@highqueenofelfhame

@feyrethedarklady

@someonemagical

@thebitchupstairs

@over300books

@starseternalnighttriumphant

@musicmaam

@blueeyes425

@clockworkgraystairs

@nalgenewhore

@illyrianbeauty

@dazzlinghazee

@randomtogacotar22

@westofmoon

@forest-magic6

@nerdyclementine

@la7sorcellerie

@yikesitsmaddie

@tswaney17

@fourshizzle149

#stth au #tog fic #ao3fic #rowaelin fic

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kanadabiscuits · 4 years

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Happy Birthday, RB!!

I started to write a post, trying to be witty and funny and glib... but nope. I want to have a brief moment of sincerity to wish @ckerouac an incredibly happy birthday.

RB is currently relaxing with a drink or four on a much deserved break and someday I hope I can raise a glass with her in person instead of utilizing a vast array of old ladies drinking gifs to share a moment of boozy solidarity.

It was weird, drifting away from the Glee fandom (I still love it, but my passions are not actively motivating me anymore) and watching my dashboard shift from all the cast members to mostly Darren (the indefatigable energizer bunny). And as much as I have enjoyed him in the past... he’s not for me, as he is for my friends. So I drifted for some time, wondering if maybe now was the time to leave Tumblr. I was chatting with mutuals less and less because I had less and less to say or contribute, I wasn’t making new posts anymore, I was just randomly reblogging... and more and more it was MCU and other things as I searched for something to ignite my interest again, like Glee had grabbed me so many years ago.

Somewhere around there I became mutuals with RB. She and @spaceorphan18, that delightful one-man band of fandom exuberance (and eventually conductor of her joyous and thirsty orchestra of Gleeks: one final crescendo in the waning days of the fandom), became a pair of voices that grew louder over the muted din of my dash and I am so thankful for both.

And so here it is, RB’s birthday, and I just want to say that you have been such a good friend over the past year or so. You have let me vent when life is shredding my last nerve, you appreciate the finer things in life (by this I mostly mean gin and wine and Chris Evans in blue velvet), you are the first person I flail to when Thirteen is running amok or Evans has been Like That,

we have pitched so many Very Good Movie Ideas™ and I am certain one of them will eventually make us Very Rich. There are times when I think I have talked to you more than most of my non-Tumblr friends.

So Happy Birthday, hon. You are such a smart cookie, an amazing person, and I hope you DO THE THING... Some day we will drink together and watch a dumb movie or eight.

#ckerouac #shhhhh her birthday is on Monday #I got my dates mixed up...#I'll just... repost on Minday LOL

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beardyallen · 5 years

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Day 3 - An extensive recap

First, I want to extend my apologies to those who have been patiently awaiting this post. I had every intention of writing this yesterday, which got away from me (as you’ll see if you keep reading), and then I had every intention of writing this in the morning, which disappeared (again, as you’ll see if you keep reading). It’s now 5:38pm on Wednesday, February 20th as I’m typing this sentence, and I’m once again exhausted from a long day.

[Edit 2: TL;DR for the following TL;DR -- A bunch of cool stuff happened, including books, dragons, lions, motorcycles, KFC, banks, SIM cards, a Starbucks, public transit, and traveling to two opposite ends of Beijing in a single day. Also my trip went from horribly lonely and daunting to pretty freaking cool and slightly less daunting in less than 24 hours. Done typing this at 8:55pm]

Edit: It’s legit 8:37pm when I’m making this edit, only a bit after posting the original. I wanted to add a tl;dr for those not interesting in reading all of this shit. Basically, I made 4 friends in Beijing, none of them from the same country, only one of them is white, only one is male, and only one is from the US. All three of these descriptions describe CB, my supervisor. His wife, RB, is Indian and works with children orphaned due to birth defects. There’s ML, a half-Brazilian, half-Japanese Communications instructor at ICB, and her friend R, who is herself a former Chinese physician turned public health professional/liaison/something-or-other that seems far more impressive and is exactly what she wants to be. All of them are really cool, interesting people that I’m very glad I had the opportunity to meet. In no particular order, I went to several bookstores, a Starbucks, a KFC early in the morning, the supermarket (twice) and got beer (both times) for ridiculously low prices, experienced the Lantern Festival (still not entirely sure what this is, but there were dragons and lions and motorcycles doing crazy synchronized stunts in a metal globe) at an amusement park, rode 5-6 different subway trains and a city bus, ate 10+ new foods, bought a book (because of course I did) which has both the original English and the translate Chinese characters on each page, tried to open a bank account, then got a SIM card, then actually opened a bank account, finally unpacked my luggage, and spent 3 hours typing this blog post. Also the long flight and trip from the airport to my new apartment were mostly uneventful. See? Even this was super long!]

The last you all heard from me here was as I was sitting in a bar in the Vancouver Airport, Sunday morning. Which was sort of 2 days ago, but sort of 3. Time zones are funky, especially when you cross the International Date Line. *shrug*

After I finished writing that post, I lumbered over to my gate and waited to board with the other couple hundred passengers. At one point, I noticed an older woman (probably in her 60′s or 70′s?) trucking along on one of those things that I can only manage to call a human-conveyor-belt that you see in airports. I mention this as she, had she been on carpeted flooring, she would have been making good time; as it so happens, she was on the conveyor belt that was going opposite of her destination. She was still making progress, but every so slowly, and seemed maddeningly oblivious to the fact that the floor was fighting her at every step. Fortunately, she made it to the other end without incident, although the same cannot be said for when she attempted to enter the next belt; a concerned employee using that particular belt in the intended fashion beckoned that she stop and try the other. So she stopped walking. And didn’t do anything, even when her feet made it back to where she had started. Naturally, she took a pretty solid tumble, lessened only by the shocked, and rightfully flustered, employee, who managed to help her to her feet as half of the onlookers gawked.

The actual flight, all 9 hours of it, went off rather uneventfully. Especially compared to the above story. It was nice having the longer flight second, as completing the first gave me an unearned sense of accomplishment; I’m nervous for my return as I’ll have actually achieved something when I get back to Vancouver, only to have to sit back down for three more hours. Seems less enticing, especially as I won’t be going back to an apartment that I’m renting. Oh well: that’s a problem for Future-Me, as are most things. I will say that the food on the flight was quite satisfying, and the complementary wine was much tastier than expected! And I managed to read a good chunk of Dan Brown’s Origin.

After landing in the Beijing airport, I managed to get through customs without too much trouble and had my first several experiences of what I’ll just refer to here as stranger-staring. #sarcasticwoo

I was met near baggage claim by an undergraduate at the University who chose to call himself Paul. I would later find out that, although it is common practice for Chinese residents to give themselves “American” or “Western” names, they don’t seem to share those names with their fellow residents.

Needless to say, I was exhausted and just wanted to eat something and lie down without dealing with anymore people. To his credit, Paul was an excellent host, his English was quite good, and he helped me to my apartment without incident. I think he was expecting to escort me to dinner at one of the nearby dining halls on campus (Princess Building), but I (hopefully graciously) conveyed that I would really rather just go to bed. After he left, I took a stroll on campus to the Princess Building to check it out for myself, and then stopped at a nearby convenience store to grab some snacks. GUYS! THEY HAVE CUCUMBER-FLAVORED LAYS POTATO CHIPS!!! And so many other flavors that are mind-boggling, and somehow simultaneously vague and specific.

Once I was back in my apartment, I chowed down on some fruit bread, drank some water, had a moment of near paralyzing fear/anxiety/regret/shame/etc., scolded myself for being (I think understandably) pathetic, and then went to sleep. By that point, I had been up for nearly 23 hours, and it was somehow already 7pm on Monday, Feb. 18. I slept until 6am the next morning.

That morning, I got in touch with CB, my supervisor, who was more than happy to meet with me around 11am. So I spent the morning figuring out how to be an adult person in Beijing. Several standard things took place that were daunting only because I’m in Beijing: showering, brushing my teeth, grabbing some toilet paper to carry with me, deciding how much cash to keep in my wallet, etc. I also came to the disturbing realization that there are precisely three outlets, each with one port. One of them was occupied by the television, one by the mini-fridge, and one was free to charge my tablet; it was then that I decided to try to go shopping and track down a power strip.

Day 2: Merry Mart

First, I want to say one quick thing: the exchange rate from RMB (also called yuan) to USD is approximately 0.15:1. So, as an example, I spotted a can of beer for 5.90 yuan, or roughly $0.90. For those of you who know me, you may understand why this was my first example.

Now, the supermarket that I was heading towards is located on the other side of the north gate of the CAU (China Agricultural University, which houses ICB, or the International College of Beijing, where I’m living and instructing), and my apartment is in the very southeast corner of campus, about a 10 minute walk away. And it’s not even 8am yet. I mention this as, when I approached the supermarket, or rather the building housing the supermarket and a dozen or so other shops, I noticed a KFC right next door. Now, I shouldn’t have been shocked to see the advertisements were for food that you would never find at a KFC in the States, but I was. What I feel completely justified in being shocked at was that the KFC was already quite busy. Naturally, I stepped inside and saw that a “Chicken Burger” with a glass of milk (and maybe a side?) was going for 12 yuan, or $1.80. So cheap!!

I stepped out without buying anything and continued into the supermarket. Oh, the wonders I beheld. I’ll try to keep it short, but I’ll point out that I’ve never paid so much attention in the produce and meat sections of a supermarket as I did yesterday. Once I made it past these sections, I experienced an onslaught of packing that looked both familiar and foreign (yes, I realized how stupid that sounds as I typed it). As I was on a bit of a mission (for hand soap and a couple power strips), I contained my curiosity as best I could. But I did take a peak at all of the flavors of Lays Chips in the snack section...

Fortunately, I managed to find a power strip! They had Philips power strips going for 70 yuan (~$10.50) and some from a company I’ve never heard of for 30/40 yuan. Naturally, I grabbed on of the cheaper variety. It seems I didn’t bring enough cash the first time. I moved on, failing to find anything that I could guarantee was hand soap, but let me tell you: after being around people who I could not understand, guessing at products based on the images along, and recognizing that I’m waaaaay in over my head, I have never been so happy to see a can of Budweiser in my life!

Now, I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure a 3-pack 16-oz or 500 mL or whatever-their-volume cans came out to 9 yuan, or $1.35. What a deal! (Fast forward to this morning, and I stumbled an even better find: 500 mL cans of Guiness with nitrous rockets for 15 yuan ($2.25) a pop! In the States, those usually run $16 for four!)

After spotting way more milk (a recent trend, apparently) than I’ve ever seen, ultra-pasteurized so it can sit on an uncooled shelf for months at a time, heaps and heaps of “sanitary tissue” and slew of snacks that boggled my poor, unworldly mind, I made my way to the checkout. Fortunately, I stick out so damn much that people just expect that I don’t speak Chinese; the look of mild irritation isn’t grating at all, it just lets me know that I’m not the only one who feels moderately uncomfortable at my residing in Beijing for these next 4 months. The interaction at the stand was pleasant enough, and we mimed our way through the bits that weren’t communicable. Then I headed back home to meet with CB.

Day 2: The Book

So, I’m already feeling wildly unprepared to teaching a senior-level mathematics course, but one of the few things that was keeping me grounded was that the book was to be selected by administrators at ICB/CAU, so that would save me having to make most of the decisions regarding content for my Probability class. Moreover, the university would provide the textbooks to the students. Little did I know, and little did CB know, and little did the person supposedly in charge of retrieving said textbooks from the library, no textbook was on file for this class. #sarcasticwoo

FORTUNATELY (can’t believe how many lucky breaks I’m catching!), there happened to be a textbook titled Probability and Statistics for Engineers and something-or-other. To be honest, my eyes glazed over at “Engineers,” not because they are lesser scientists, because they are most assuredly not, but because they just don’t appreciate the fine nuances of theoretical mathematics. That is to say, they’re lesser scientists. ;) #allinjest #imsuretheyvegotsickerburnsforme So, I guess I’m teaching from an Engineering textbook.

During this brief window of time with CB, I learned how various countries measure the breathability of the air, acquired a facemask, and snagged an air purifier. Things necessary to life in Beijing! I was then invited out to lunch with CB and his wife RB; I was unaware that their would be fourth, ML. Having never met RB, and being unaware that ML existed, I waited for the 20 minutes that CB needed to get a couple things ready before lunch in my room, then headed down to the entrance of the Guest House (where my apartment and office are located, in case I haven’t mentioned it by name yet). Waiting there was a 30-something Asian-descent woman who somehow didn’t look like she was a native Chinese resident. Best guess: RB. She smiles at me and asks if I’m here to have lunch with R, to which I say confirm and ask if that’s her. Turns out it’s ML, and a reference to a particular Disney movie popped into my head. (I bet you’re not thinking of the same one I was, though!) Anyway, it’s 12:30pm at that point, and I wouldn’t spend the next 11 hours with ML, a Communications instructor for ICB who has only been in Beijing since September, barely speaks any Chinese and gets by reading it as she knows Japanese. Turns out she was born in Brazil, though! That certainly explained why her features were not quite Chinese.

CB and RB showed up a few awkward, mostly silent, minutes later as, not anticipating a fourth left me just socially awkward enough to just keep my mouth shut and let my mind wander. RB led the way to a Chinese restaurant around the corner, and we had a ridiculously cheap meal. Everything was delicious, even the rice noodles and cabbage dish! CB asked how open I was to trying things I’ve never had before, and I responded that I’m hear to make the make the most of this opportunity. He followed up with, “So, you’ll try chicken feet?” I’ve never so quickly doubted my convictions before! Fortunately, the food we order was basic enough fare for a Chinese restaurant, so I didn’t have to prove my grit just yet.

Day 2: The Big Adventure

During the meal, ML mentioned that the “lantern festival” was that night, and that she’d be joining a friend of her’s somewhere in Beijing, TBD. CB mentioned off-handedly that there was a 4-story bookstore several kilometers away. My interest was piqued, but having no means of transportation, I kept my mouth shut. ML did not. She expressed serious interest in venturing out to the store, and I asked if it would be in imposition if I joined. After lunch, CB and RB gave us a rough pin location for the building, walked us over to a bus stop, explained to me how to use my transit card (Thanks, CG!!!), and saw us off on our adventure. At this point, it seems relevant to mention that, although I have two cell phones (my usual American one, and a Chinese phone bought secondhand from ES) (THANKS ES!!!), I don’t have internet access or any real means to contact CB or RB. I also don’t access to a map app (see: I don’t have internet access). As it turns out, ML’s access is hindered by the fact that her iPhone is apparently dated enough to not operate at full capacity with a Chinese SIM card. So she has spotty internet. SPOILERS: Her cell phone would die later that evening. #dundundun

The bus ride was uneventful, and we got off where we thought was should. Without the name of the bookstore or any solid evidence to suggest precisely where the bookstore was, ML then confides in me that she has frequently found herself incapable of finding her destination, wandered around for several hours, then given up and went home. My confidence was soaring. But, as they say, “When in Beijing...”

After finding a map of the surrounding area and comparing it to a screenshot of the rough-pin-location of the bookstore in question, I managed to match shapes cut out by walkways and roads and spot where we should be heading. The pin led us to a bookstore. But this bookstore had only one floor, although the building housing it had 20 floors and an elevator that looked out over the surrounding area. Needless to say, we rode the elevator for a moment before deciding to continue exploring. Stepping outside, we tried to reach CB...and we did! He gave us a more accurate pin and the name of the bookstore. Only one of those two things wound up being helpful.

On our way over to the new location (2 more blocks West), we stumbled on a developed “alley” that housed a wide plethora of shops, including....A BOOKSTORE!!! Dudes and Dudettes: let me tell you, this bookstore was amazing!! Check out the pictures below:

So cool! But this wasn’t where the pin was located, only had two floors, and when we scaled the spiral staircase, some 20-something employees started walking towards us and speaking in Mandarin. ML goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t speak any Mandarin, but we think we know what you’re trying to say. Have a nice day!” And we walked out of the store with our tails tucked loosely between our legs.

I was I could accurately convey all of the things I saw that struck me as fascinating while we explored this area of Beijing, but honestly there was just too much, and I can’t imagine you all are still reading this carefully, given that I’m not exactly giving the “Reader’s Digest” version of events. Or so you may think. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m doing my best to keep this short while still conveying how crazy this day was. And we’re only a couple hours into my afternoon/evening with ML. I applaud any and all who keep reading attentively. I’ll try to make it entertaining.

I will say that in this alley, I got stared down by a police officer. Mildly intimidating and recalled to mind the other intimidating visual to grace me. Just after checking out at the supermarket that morning, while I was packing the couple of items I had purchased into my backpack, I looked up and saw, for the first time in my life, 4 full sets of riot gear. Helmet, vest, nightstick (or whatever it’s called), and some sort of gun in a padded case. Sure, I know that I’ve been around those things before in my life, but never were they in plain view, seemingly on display.

After a few more minutes, a few more crossed streets, and pulling ML out of the way of a car that didn’t seem to care that she was there, we made our way to the pin’s location. And none of the stores around us bore the name of the 4-story bookstore. But we did find another bookstore.........and it turned out to be the right one! Crazy!! Of course, this was after trying out what we guessed was a calligraphy shop that seemed to primarily sell books? The words on the door were somewhat misleading. Anyway, let me tell you: in spite of being in a bookstore filled with words that I can’t understand, I still felt so calm and secure being surrounded by all of those books!

At this point, ML and I seemed to have figured out each other’s senses of humor and made frequent jokes and shared stores as we roamed the shelves, looking desperately for books written in English. After searching all four floors, some twice, we find a section with no markings nearby that happened to have some books in English. After looking over all of the classics (pretty much all they had), discussing the ones we’ve read, conversing about those we haven’t, we each picked one out to buy. I’ve seen Aldous Huxley’s A Brave New World referenced too many times in crossword puzzles and trivia questions to not have developed an absurd curiousity for this book I’ve never read. So naturally I bought it. It seems like a rather nice-looking copy, no artwork to speak of, but elegant in a somewhat formal-Chinese kind of way. It came to 26 yuan, or about $3.90. HOW AM I BUYING A BOOK FOR THAT CHEAP?! WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?! *sigh* Well, I seem to be getting by without my Kindle fine enough for now...(THANKS AGAIN RS FOR SHIPPING IT TO ME!!! I’ll let you know as soon as it arrives!)

Day 2: The Lantern Festival

At this point, ML had heard from her friend who I will just call R (have yet to become privy to her family name), and we were given the name of the place we were headed towards: Happy Park. By now, it was around 4:15pm, and we needed to somehow figure out where Happy Park was, how to get there, and manage to not get lost in the process by 6:30pm. So we went for tea. The place we stopped in was what seemed to be a solid attempt at a German tea/coffee shop-slash-bakery. And I got a cup of English Breakfast Tea for 22 yuan ($3.30). Not the best deal, but I learned an invaluable lesson: just take a picture of what you want to order! So simple, so elegant, so effective!!! I was also by this time learning that most people make purchases using the main “social media” app, WeChat. In fact, many shops and restaurants don’t carry any cash as WeChat is just a more effective means of payment. You can link a debit card to your account and you’re good to go! (More on this in Day 3).

<I’ve been writing for almost 2 hours! Yikes!!!> <I wonder if I can get a book deal out of this...>

Without really knowing where to find a subway station, ML and I headed back to where the bus dropped us off, thinking at the very least we could head back to campus and the subway station there. (Also, for those of you who don’t know: I’ve never ridden a subway. Sure, I use RTD rails almost daily in Denver, but somehow this just seemed different. Especially given how many lines there are and that we didn’t actually know where we were going...) We found a bus heading back towards campus, hopped on, and almost immediately spotted a subway station. The bus didn’t drop us off for 2-3 more blocks...

After meandering back to the subway station, we found a map and lo-and-behold there was a stop dedicated to whatever Happy Park is. And it’s on the complete opposite side of town. #unethusedyay #adventuretime We plotted our course and hopped on the train without incident if you don’t count the pile of vomit that I would almost certainly have stepped in had ML not avoided it just before me! *phew* The subway itself was on par, if not nicer, than the trains in Denver, if only a bit louder. Confined spaces and all that. By the time we made our three transfers and got to the other side of Beijing, the sun had set, it was 6:20pm, and we had made it just in time! R met us at the station minutes after.

When we turned to see where we were headed, I was floored. Right in front of us with giant glowing words spelling out (in two languages) “Happy Park” was an amusement park that rivals some Disney parks in it’s show-y-ness. As it was dark, I can’t say precisely how big it was, but I was impressed. Tickets for entry were 145 yuan (roughly $20), which I fortunately had brought along that morning, not realizing precisely how crazy the day would get.

Once inside, R informed us that there’d be a show starting in a few minutes. We tried to find a spot, but the girls had trouble seeing over the heads of the people ahead of us. In fact, I had to stand on my tiptoes as most of the people in front of me were holding up their children, phones, and self-sticks. There was a small mound that almost certainly was not intended for foot-traffic, but nonetheless had a solid 75 people standing on 6-foot-tall trees. When we joined the crowd up there, hoping for a better vantage point, we were disappoint. That is, until ML decided to climb a tree. And I joined her. Naturally. I don’t have pictures of the entire show, sadly. I was too busy being floored and hoping that my one leg that was supporting my weight would hold up! I’m also not including them here as I have to format the videos. But stay tuned in the near future for videos!!

After the show, we wandered around the park for several more hours. I was quite impressed. And the food we got was quite delicious!! Small, fried potatos balls, and donut-hole sized balls loosely-based on a Japanese dish that I couldn’t possibly spell correctly, topped with dried fish. YUM! Check out the pictures of some of the attractions we saw:

This was the interior of an Aquariam-themed section of the park. It was a welcome respite near the end of the night, given that it felt like it was nearing 10F outside.

A Mayan temple, with a restaurant inside and, probably, a water-slide ride built into it? Hard to say. If only our phones hadn’t died and we weren’t so cold by the time we made it to the Athenian/Spartan-inspired section of the park! So many cool statues and buildings!

A still shot as 5 motorcyclists entered the arena after some drum-dancers! Stay tuned for videos of them riding inside the wire ball on the right! [Edit 3: the videos will likely get posted as gifs. Quality will probs be not great. One of them will involve the motorcyclists doing loop-stunts, and the other will involve a dragon-dance with dope fireworks. I didn’t get any video of the lion-dancers from earlier in the show, but take my word for it: it was dope as fuck. So much so that I don’t feel bad about dropping an f-bomb in this edit. I can’t possibly find the words after 3.5 hours of writing to convey just how cool this show was!]

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what this is, but it looked cool!

This was a small bridge, reminiscent of the bridges in Europe where people write their initials on padlocks and toss the keys into the river below. From what we could tell (thanks to R’s understanding of her native tongue), the pieces all talk about the love between family, friends or significant others.

After the Aquarium-themed building got us toasty warm, and it was ticking closer and closer to 10pm, we bee-lined it out of the park and back to to the subway station. Another three transfers, some more conversation, and we were back on campus. While on the trains, either to or from Happy Park, I don’t remember which, ML commented on how quiet I had been earlier that day while waiting for CB and RB before lunch. Given how quiet I was at lunch, she was understandably worried that the pattern would continue. If you know me, you know it just takes a bit for me to get comfortable and figure out how to talk to you. Needless to say, I told too many stories with a surplus of details in each of the bookstores, on each of the trains, and all of the time in between. I’m thinking ML is going to be a pretty solid friend these next couple of months, if I she doesn’t get sick of my stories first!

As I alluded to above, it was around 11pm before we were back in the Guest House. I was ridiculously pooped but not entirely unimpressed at how not-jet-lagged I was! I passed out soon thereafter and woke up for the third and final time around 7am.

Day 3: Merry Mart II, the Second Part

Alas, morning came; and with it came a surplus of energy to spent getting my life together in Beijing. I still hadn’t unpacked my luggage, there were too many things my apartment was still missing, and I didn’t have a reliable means of feeding myself as I had been warned (and witnessed) that many places just simply don’t carry cash. And naturally don’t accept American credit cards.

So I packed a small bag and headed out again. I stopped by Starbucks, attempted to order a Black Tea Latte from the girl who said “Morning” to me, and made the false assumption that this particular colloquialism implied English-fluency. I wound up with a regular Latte. Still good, though! After that, I made my way to the KFC near the Merry Mart only to find that this establishment is one described above. My cash wouldn’t do me much good there. *shrug*

In the Merry Mart, I grabbed several more bread-based food items, a microwavable meal in a bowl, another power strip, some gum, and more chips. Pringles. American flavors. Two cans of Guiness, and two bottles of hand soap. This time, I kept track of the price of each individual item so I knew how much cash to have ready at the register. This time went far more smoothly, and I filled my entire backpack with items that ran up to 134 yuan (~$20). HOW?! HOW AM I GETTING SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE I LOVE THIS!!!

Day 3: Getting my shit together

After that, my mind was set on opening a bank account to connect to my WeChat account. I reached out to CB, who graciously offered his assistance for a small amount of time. Ideally, this wouldn’t take too long. After all, he has plenty of work to be getting on with!

Well, the first bank we tried didn’t work because I’m not staying in town for more than 2 years. The second bank was more accepting. He translated exceptionally while I filled out documents written completely in Chinese. I was having an internal panic attack as I did something that felt incredibly wrong or anything. No, not at all. It’s totally okay to sign your name on documents that you can’t read. Yup, totally okay...

As it turns out, the bank would need to send me verification texts, so I gave them my phone number. But my American phone number wouldn’t work for them (they didn’t even try!), so after 30 minutes of waiting and 10 minutes of paperwork, CB and I headed down the street to get a SIM card and a cellular plan. Oh boy. All told, I think I waited for another hour there while CB got some work done; the paperwork and discussions took another 20-30 minutes. Once I had my phone situated, CB assured me that I could handle the rest of the bank stuff on my own as the staff would certainly recognize me and remember what I wanted. Plus, most of the paperwork was already filled out, right? Right? *sigh

The staff at the bank were less than enthused to find that CB hadn’t joined me. This was gonna be a blast, let me tell ya...

All told, I filled out twice as much paperwork as the staff scrambled to find a way to communicate with the moronic American who didn’t have the slightest idea what was going on around him. Of course, filling out this paperwork and determining exactly what they wanted and whether or not I wrote down the right things (i.e. understood exactly what information they were after) included 5-8 different sessions with several different employees, each with somewhere between 10-70 min wait-times. On the plus side, I’m almost done with Dan Brown’s Origin. Not his best work, but certainly entertaining enough to pass the time in a bank surrounded by people who probably would rather I not exist. To be clear, I don’t begrudge them at all; their service was impeccable, and their patience was never-ending, and the entire thing was significantly less annoying than it had any right to be, given the language barrier.

I left their establishment many hours later with a debit card, Chinese bank account, and the means to buy stuff wherever I wanted to go. And a significant amount of confidence that I can get through the next four months quite contentedly. Granted, I didn’t do nearly as much to earn this confidence as the staff at my new bank did!

After the fiasco at the bank, I went back to the Guest House, unpacked my suitcases, and laid down in bed to type this novella. That was several hours ago.

Convinced that I’ve had a crazy few days?

A coworker from Denver asked me how China has been so far, and I told him that it “[w]ent from shit to fantastic so damn fast.” Hopefully my long, rambling story has here has justified that claim for those of you reading this.

There was only one other day in my life that I can recall feeling as justifiably petrified as I did Monday night. I described the feeling as trying to wake up from a dream only to find that you’re wide awake. I was encouraged earlier today to remember that I don’t have to get through all 4 months of this experience at once; I just need to take it one day at a time. I usually don’t find these adages and idioms to be particularly helpful, but this one seems to be true.

In the future, blog posts probably won’t be nearly as long. Thanks for reading!

Now to finish this beer and book!

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

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switchdnp · 6 years

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can you do hcs of trans!boy Phil's first time w dan?? Preferably phil as the bottom💗💗

word count: 1101

warnings: oral, fluffy times, praise kinda, not much its v pure, non penetrative first times

a/n: i use the word clit to describe phils genitalia bc thats what i still call my stuff when i id as a boy, but if anybody would like a reword with cock/dick bc they feel more comfy with that i can reword it and post it/add it onto this in an rb!!

“What do you want me to do?”Dan’s voice was unsure, shaky and timid as he settled between Phil’s legs. He didn’t want to mess up, make Phil uncomfortable or nervous. He was a romantic at heart, and he wanted their first time to be special. They’d had skype sex before, of course, but there was a huge difference between dirty talking Phil through humping a pillow and actually getting to touch him.

“Just… touch at first I guess? You don’t have to use your mouth if you don’t want to.”Phil explained, shuffling up on the bed so Dan could lie on his stomach, he wanted things to be as comfortable as possible for his boyfriend. Dan was still in his t shirt and boxers, and when he adjusted to get closer the shirt rode up, revealing that soft, peach-toned skin Phil wanted to mark up so badly.

“No, wanna get my mouth on you, taste you.”Dan insisted, pulling down Phil’s boxers, assisted by an eager wiggle of his hips. He giggled, kissing at Phil’s thighs and marking them up just a little, enough to hear Phil whimper without teasing him too much. Phil’s impatient and already aching though, so he guides Dan’s head by his hair, smiling when he feels it’s already curling up with sweat. He loves his boyfriend’s curls.

Dan closes his eyes—he feels like that’s what you’re supposed to do giving oral, right?—and dips his tongue between the soft, hot folds. He can feel Phil get wetter, a slickness he’s not familiar with, as he’s really only sucked cocks before. He loves it though, suddenly obsessed with the idea of teasing Phil until he’s desperate and soaked, throbbing and squeezing his thighs together like he can hardly bear the feeling. As tempting as it is, he’s got a more important job to take care of right now, he pushes the thought aside for later.

He drags his tongue up slowly, nervous and shy but so, so eager to make Phil feel good. He knows when he’s approaching his clit, can tell by the way Phil’s starting to shake, eager little twitches and jerks of his hips giving him more than enough of a hint. Dan pulls away for a moment, eyes fluttering open to find Phil flustered and panting, blushing from his cheeks down to his chest. He’s fucking precious like that, Dan thinks, and he dives back down quickly, drowning out his nerves and lapping over Phil’s clit without any hesitance.

Phil jolts like he’s been shocked, back arching off the bed and hips bucking up, rutting against Dan’s face. Dan’s hands shoot up and grab Phil’s lovehandles, clutching the sensitive skin and swirling his tongue. It’s new and unfamiliar and Dan’s got no idea what he’s doing really, but he can tell Phil likes it, he’s whimpering out little “yeah, just like that”’s and gasping like all the air’s been punched from his lungs, so Dan’s not stopping for anything.

“S-suck it,” Phil pants, “like a cock, please.” Dan can’t deny a plea like that, and he wraps his lips around Phil’s clit, lapping over the head like he would the tip of a dick, and bobbing his head. Phil fucking sobs, his thighs tremble around Dan’s head harsh enough he can feel it, feel the muscles quivering, tightening and untightening. It’s cute, in an odd way that Dan thinks only he’d view as cute. But everything Phil does feels precious to him, somehow, so why would that exclude his reactions in the bedroom?

And he tells him so, “you’re so adorable baby, so sensitive, does it feel good?” Dan’s never been confident in his dirty talking skills, but he loves telling Phil how good he looks, how much he loves him, so it comes easily sometimes. And Phil soaks all the affection up, squirming and whining with every praise, every sweet little tease, because sometimes he can’t get his head around how much Dan loves him, and the words are a lovely reminder that he can show all of himself to Dan, share all of himself with Dan, and only receive more love in return

The thought is so sappy Phil wouldn’t dare to say it outloud, but combined with Dan humming around his clit, making soft, but intense vibrations, it sends him over the edge. He cums shaking, one hand gripping Dan’s hair like a vice, and the other digging his fingers into the pillow. Dan holds his hips still, warm, strong hands keeping him from bucking up frantically. Phil’s grateful for it, if Dan wasn’t holding him down he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t writhe right off the bed.

When Phil’s done, he sits up and pushes Dan onto his back, pulling his boxers down and wrapping his lips around the head of his cock. Dan’s easy to get in his mouth, he’s average length, but thick in just the way Phil likes. The girth forces his lips to stretch around his cock, and it burns a little, but Phil doesn’t mind–he likes pain when he’s in the right mood.

Dan cums within minutes, he’s young and easy to please and Phil’s more than desperate to make sure he feels good, repay the pleasure he gave him. He swallows and Dan grimaces teasingly, not caring when it earns him a play-scolding slap on the thigh from Phil.

“Just because you don’t like swallowing doesn’t mean I cant.”Phil insists, shuffling up beside Dan and resting his head on his shoulder. Dan rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning so wide Phil wants to laugh because he can’t believe anybody could be so head-over-heels for him.

“I’m glad I don’t have to do that anymore.”Dan says, brushing Phil’s fringe to the side and kissing his forehead.

“What if I squirt?”Phil teases, expecting another gag or cringe from his boyfriend. All he gets from Dan is a wink, however, and he pushes him by the shoulder, giggling and mumbling a soft “I hate you,” under his breath.

“Love you too, sweetheart.”Dan says, and though Phil groans and flips over, facing away from him, he can tell he’s smiling, and that’s enough to make him smile too.

#bottom!phil #top!dan #phan smut #phan fic #sub!phil #sashawrites #ya queen is back

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paulbenedictblog · 4 years

Text

%news%

New Post has been published on %http://paulbenedictsgeneralstore.com%

Fox news MJD: All in on Seahawks, Beast Mode reunion - NFL.com

Fox news

Marshawn Lynch again in Seattle?! Focus on a pair of Christmas miracle.

This signing makes complete sense, brooding about the Seahawks foremost a operating again immoral. Like proper immoral. They lost three RBs to well-known wound throughout the final month -- Rashaad Penny (knee), Chris Carson (hip) and C.J. Prosise (arm) -- and heading into the postseason without an established backfield likelihood is now not if truth be told an likelihood for a team that relies so intently on the ground attack. When Lynch takes the discipline Sunday evening in opposition to the San Francisco 49ers, this would had been 1,505 days since he final performed in a game with the Seahawks. The Emerald City reunion comes after Lynch's initial 2016 retirement and then two seasons with the Oakland Raiders (2017-18).

I level-headed judge the Seahawks ought to've given me a call, but I'm all in on "Beast Mode" being again in Seattle.

The total injuries maintain left a broad void in the Seahawks' offense. The backfield trio of Carson, Penny and Prosise -- alongside with injured tight dwell Will Dissly (Achilles) -- has accounted for 80.9 p.c of Seattle's speeding manufacturing. Presently ranking fifth in speeding yards this season with 1,230, Carson shall be demanding to interchange, as his laborious-nosed operating model supplied balance on an offense that choices MVP candidate Russell Wilson. In actual fact, Carson boasts the third-most compelled passed over tackles (62) and yards won after contact (1,008) in the NFL, in response to Pro Soccer Focal level.

So, what does Lynch level-headed maintain left in the tank? From 2011 through 2015, he registered 300 compelled passed over tackles, the most in the league throughout that span. That equated to Lynch shrugging off a defender on 23.2 p.c of his carries, furthermore an NFL excessive. Will he be the comparable operating again this time around? Or no longer it is no longer probably because or no longer it is a half of-decade later and Lynch is 33 years primitive. That acknowledged, in response to Lynch's fresh snarl routine, I assemble no longer maintain any doubt he'll be ready to provide the offense with an efficient speeding attack.

Regardless of how long Lynch has been out of the sport, his reputation and history of operating over would-be tacklers will force defenses to respect him. He's a quality operating again who will fit the invoice and slide correct trusty into a smartly-recognized offense. He'll get back from Robert Turbin, who furthermore signed this week, but request Lynch to earn a bulk of the carries.

"He used to be very brooding about making ready for this likelihood," Carroll suggested journalists Tuesday. "And the stroke of ache, in some regards, if truth be told opens up the door, which happens now and then, and he is ready to grab the plump different at hand and jam what he can assemble to again us."

One other broad relieve the Seahawks earn from bringing the five-time Pro Bowler again into the fold: His presence in the locker room. Lynch is the form of player who can present a spark and rally his teammates, and it comes on the correct time. The Seahawks (11-4) maintain an different to grab the NFC West with a grasp over rival San Francisco at home in Sunday's Week 17 finale. Beast Mode has the merchandise to again earn it done. And who's conscious of? Per chance Lynch and the 'Hawks can end the chapter on their unfinished Enormous Bowl swap in February.

Now, let's earn to the weekly rankings ...

Ragged NFL speeding chief and NFL Community analyst Maurice Jones-Drew will interrogate all operating backs and horrid his TOP 10 every week for the closing month of the 2019 season. His rankings are in response to this season's efforts alone. Right here is MJD's checklist heading into Week 17.

NOTE: Arrows maintain adjustments from final week's rankings.

Compare out the FedEx Air NFL Avid gamers of the Week and forged your vote.

McCaffrey's numbers keep up a correspondence for themselves. The indisputable truth that he is 216 yards from topping Chris Johnson's scrimmage yards file is magnificent nice. Or no longer it is no longer going to be easy to assemble in opposition to an ethical Saints' protection, but if anybody can assemble it, or no longer it is Creep CMC.

Despite one amongst his worst outings of the season, Chubb's been nice in 2019. He leads the league in crawl yards, and my bet is he'll grasp that title brooding about his closing opponent is the Bengals' 28th-ranked crawl protection. If handiest every share of the Browns used to be as productive as the second-year again.

What a disappointing season for the Cowboys, who're on the open air of the playoff image having a see in after losing to Philadelphia final week. To overtake the Eagles, the Cowboys must grasp in opposition to the Redskins and need the Eagles to drop to the Giants. Or no longer it is indubitably doable and the most efficient components to assemble so is counting on their simplest player -- one thing they forgot to assemble in Week 16.

Henry did now not play in Week 16 due to the a hamstring wound but is anticipated to swimsuit up Sunday in opposition to the Houston Texans. Thanks to a Pittsburgh loss final weekend, the Titans are in the driver's seat for the closing station in the AFC playoff image and could earn a boost from a nicely-rested Henry, who's known for his tiresome-season success.

When Aaron Jones fumbled on the Packers' opening force in opposition to the Vikings on Monday, I believed the young operating again would maintain one amongst those extra or much less days. It looks he did maintain one amongst those extra or much less days -- a 150-yard, two-TD day! He confirmed up in a broad components for his team -- and delusion football householders -- to again the Packers reclaim the NFC North. He's been one amongst the riding forces of Green Bay's resurgence as Jones leads the NFL in crawl TDs (16) and scrimmage TDs (19) this season.

In Week 16's loss to the 49ers, Gurley had his second-straight game with fewer than 20 touches and the Rams were 0-2 in those video games. Satirically, in video games were 3-0 in this season when Gurley had a minimal of 20 touches. That magnificent noteworthy sums up the season for a Rams team that passed over the postseason a year eradicated from a Enormous Bowl appearance.

With 55 yards on eight carries (6.9 yards per raise), Ingram surpassed 1,000 speeding yards for the third time in the final four seasons. The difficulty helped the Ravens lock up the head seed in the AFC, and as a end result, it looks as even supposing Ingram will earn two weekends off to enhance from an injured calf. What a solid first campaign in Baltimore for the old.

Kamara received again into the tip zone final week for the first time since Week 3 to again the Saints complete a comeback grasp on the avenue. The Saints operating again, who suffered lower physique injuries earlier in the season, at final regarded explosive again as he ripped off a 40-yard landing crawl in the third. That is the Alvin Kamara the Saints need heading into the postseason.

The Bengals' fourth-quarter comeback to force beyond standard time in opposition to the Miami Dolphins used to be impressive to deliver the least. But in case you would even be trailing by two rankings earlier than the initiate of the second quarter, that's it (or end to) for the operating again. Finishing that game with 50 crawl yards, Mixon has an different to attain the season on a excessive expose in opposition to the Browns on Sunday.

Drake deserves mention after logging six crawl touchdowns in the final two weeks, main the Cardinals to victories over Cleveland and playoff-certain Seattle. He's confirmed to be a nice fit in Kliff Kingsbury's offense and ought to be in the backfield with Kyler Murray for years but to advance again.

Upright passed over: Josh Jacobs, Raiders; Devin Singletary, Funds; Miles Sanders, Eagles.

The Ground Index delivered by FedEx ranks NFL operating again performances all season long. Compare out the FedEx Air & Ground NFL Avid gamers of the Week and forged your vote.

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junker-town · 5 years

Text

Why all 4 teams can and can’t win a wide-open NFC South

Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

With Drew Brees out and the Bucs defense rolling, the South is up for grabs.

Week 2 proved it; the NFC South is a bit of a mess.

It started when the Buccaneers made every writer at SB Nation (and almost every other NFL expert around the picks universe) wrong by smothering the Panthers in a Thursday Night Football win. That same game, Cam Newton aggravated a foot injury, leaving his status for the next game in doubt. Then the Saints lost Drew Brees to a thumb injury that will cost him roughly half the season and cost New Orleans its revenge vs. the Rams in a rematch of last year’s NFC title game. To cap it all off, the Falcons — left for dead in a lackluster opening week loss to Minnesota — overcame three different Matt Ryan brain farts to hold off the Eagles at home.

All that left the division in a weird position. The three teams with former regular season MVPs behind center — Carolina, Atlanta, and New Orleans — all have major questions to answer about their passing offense thanks to either injury or inefficiency. The fourth team, Tampa Bay, is used to inconsistency at quarterback but might just have the defensive chops to overcome that in 2019.

So who is going to escape this murky swamp of uncertainty and crown themselves king of the South?

Atlanta Falcons

Why the Falcons can win the NFC South: Brees’ injury leaves Atlanta with the division’s top intact offense, and an on-point Ryan can throw his team to the postseason. His 2018 season was the second-best of his career, trailing only the 2016 campaign that ended in Super Bowl 51. While he’s off that pace now, he’s got the tools to push the Falcons back to the top of the NFC South. His offensive line is trending upward slightly, leaving him with more time to throw in the pocket and a lower sack rate through two games thus far (from 6.5 percent to 5.3).

Even if he’s rushed, Ryan has a pair of go-to weapons who can bail him out of bad situations in Julio Jones and Calvin Ridley. Ridley continues to blossom into a valuable NFL weapon after an eight-catch (on 10 targets), 105-yard performance on Sunday night. That was great, but it was Jones who showcased his otherworldly athleticism while bailing out his offense for its first win of the season:

give Julio another extension, i don't care what he's making now pic.twitter.com/13DVgGPpKS

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) September 16, 2019

The Falcons’ defense has been better than advertised, despite its share of faults. Only four teams in the league allow fewer yards per play than Atlanta’s 4.6. That unit has also created an average of two turnovers per game, including a pair of interceptions that made preseason MVP candidate Carson Wentz look downright silly on Sunday night.

Why they can’t: That 4.6 number is more a product of the Vikings’ only throwing the ball 10 times in an opening week rout than an actual top five performance. Atlanta’s insistence on letting Philadelphia back into their Week 2 game is proof this defense can still make baffling mistakes like Nelson Aglohor’s way-too-easy catch on fourth-and-14 late in a one-possession game. Opponents have converted 50 percent of their third down situations, which leaves the Falcons ranked just 24th in time of possession so far this season.

Ryan’s gameplan on Sunday night was to pick on cornerback Ronald Darby, and while that worked to perfection on some throws, the former MVP straight-up missed his targets on a significant number of his passes.

.@realronalddarby comes up clutch!#PHIvsATL | #FlyEaglesFly pic.twitter.com/H5MfUea5c3

— Philadelphia Eagles (@Eagles) September 16, 2019

As a result, Ryan’s gone from looking like a top tier QB to a man with a 5:5 TD:INT ratio and the league’s 23rd-best passer rating. His offense has converted less than 30 percent of its third down opportunities (5 of 18).

The Falcons overcame those lapses in Week 2 (thanks in part to a superhuman effort from Jones), but they don’t have the kind of defense that can stand up and regularly win games if their offense can’t put 20+ points on the board. Any defensive gains to start the year come with the caveat that they came against a Vikings team that looks lost with Kirk Cousins at quarterback and an Eagles team whose receiving corps was decimated by injuries in Week 2.

Plus, if we’re banking on a team to avoid injuries throughout the regular season, the Falcons have traditionally been one of the worst bets you can make.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Why the Buccaneers can win the NFC South: The Bucs were expected to jump start their offense after hiring quarterback guru Bruce Arians this offseason. Instead, Tampa’s defense has been its source of hope. The club ranked 31st in yards allowed per play last season, but the arrival of defensive coordinator Todd Bowles has transformed this team into a top five unit. Opposing passers — Jimmy Garoppolo and Cam Newton, thus far — have averaged a 73.0 passer rating against the Buccaneers.

That’s good, but Tampa Bay’s run defense has been even stingier. Bowles’ group limited the Niners to only three yards per carry before shutting down Christian McCaffrey, limiting the Pro Bowl back to 37 yards on 16 carries and stuffing him on the biggest play of the game Thursday night.

PRIMETIME PLAYERS MAKE PRIMETIME PLAYS#GoBucs | #TBvsCAR pic.twitter.com/r8mfOdIJid

— Tampa Bay Buccaneers (@Buccaneers) September 13, 2019

Why they can’t: Jameis Winston is one game removed from a three-interception performance, where each errant throw was dumber than the one that preceded it. He gave up two second half pick-sixes in a game Tampa went on to lose by 14, and those lapses fail to inspire confidence he can lead his team back from a fourth quarter deficit. Even with Arians lending his guidance, Winston was Sports Information Systems’ lowest-grade QB of Week 1.

A strong running game could balance out his mistakes while supplementing his occasional playmaking, but the Bucs need a breakout sophomore campaign from Ronald Jones (four carries for nine yards against Carolina) to overcome a talent-deficient depth chart. Bowles got the most from a defense that’s low on star power in Week 2, but is a 27-year-old Shaquil Barrett really headed for a breakthrough in his sixth season in the league? Or will his hot start prove unsustainable?

Bowles has to hope it’s the former; he’s the only player on the roster to record a sack so far.

Carolina Panthers

Why the Panthers can win the NFC South: Carolina is dotted with star power on both sides of the ball, including All-Pros in McCaffrey and Luke Kuechly. A potent defensive front woke up against Tampa, sacking Winston on nearly 11 percent of his pass attempts and hitting him on nine of his 28 dropbacks in Week 2. Cam Newton is only 30 years old, which suggests his severe regression through two games is an anomaly and not a trend.

Plus, this is an odd-numbered year, which is when the Panthers traditionally outperform expectations and finish with a winning record.

Why they can’t: Newton is injured and, not coincidentally, has struggled mightily; his 6.4 yards per attempt is the lowest of his career to date. He’s been the league’s least accurate passer, per Pro Football Focus, through two games.

Highest percentage of uncatchable passes through two weeks: Cam Newton 34.2% Mitchell Trubisky 27.8 Ryan Fitzpatrick 27.3 Kirk Cousins 27.0 Kyler Murray 22.9 Matthew Stafford 22.9

— Steve Palazzolo (@PFF_Steve) September 16, 2019

A big function of that is his foot injury and a deficient offensive line that’s allowed pass rushers to become a constant behind the line of scrimmage; Newton has only had an average of 2.37 seconds before firing off passes this fall, the second-lowest number in the league behind Russell Wilson. That’s far below the 2.72s mark he posted in 2017, the last year Carolina made it to the postseason.

McCaffrey has been a valuable safety valve, but Tampa proved that shutting him down effectively grounds the entire Panthers offense. Bowles held Carolina to fewer than five yards per play, and while Newton eventually pushed three different targets to 89 or more receiving yards he needed 36 passes to get them there (via a 55 percent catch rate). The Panthers have the personnel to field a top 10 defense, but shoddy blocking and inconsistent play calling could keep them from fielding the offense needed to take advantage of that.

New Orleans Saints

Why the Saints can win the NFC South: Losing Drew Brees robs New Orleans of a perennial MVP candidate, but the team can slot in the league’s top backup rotation and stay afloat for the six(ish) weeks the veteran quarterback is slated to miss. Teddy Bridgewater may not be the ascendant talent he was before his devastating 2016 knee injury, but he’s still capable of running an offense. He was hamstrung by a downright bad offensive line in LA (three sacks allowed, three holding penalties in the second half) but that may not last through the rest of the season; Brees had a comfortable 2.83 average seconds in the pocket before throwing this fall, according to the NFL’s Next Gen Stats.

OC Pete Carmichael is capable of building a dynamic game plan around him with healthy doses of players like Michael Thomas, Alvin Kamara, Latavius Murray, and Jared Cook. If Week 2 was any indication, he’ll get some flashes of inspiration from backup QB/WR/RB Taysom Hill as well. The New Orleans offense can retain the unpredictable spark that made it so dangerous, even with Bridgewater in the lineup.

A useful Saints defense is slated to get even better once Sheldon Rankins returns from injury, as the Cameron Jordan/Trey Hendrickson edge rushing experience has already combined for five sacks and four tackles for loss. That group kept the Rams out of the end zone well into the third quarter of their Week 2 loss in LA before that dam burst and ended in three second half scores for the home team.

Why they can’t: Brees was the gravity that held this solar system together. Bridgewater, in two meaningful games with the Saints, has averaged just 5.3 yards per pass and found the end zone once in 52 attempts. Hill, who would be the next man up if Bridgewater continues to struggle, completed only 58 percent of his passes at BYU and has only taken meaningful NFL snaps in gadget plays.

Brees’ flexibility and ability to thread throws into ever-tightening windows is irreplaceable, even with All-Pro caliber talent at wideout and tailback. That resulted in a litany of check down passes from Bridgewater in Week 2. Games against the Seahawks, Cowboys, and Bears all loom before Halloween. If he can’t dial up some of the big plays that made his successor so great then New Orleans could sit at .500 or worse by the time Brees returns to the field.

The Saints’ defense is solid against the pass, but butt against the rush. Opponents have averaged 5.6 yards per carry so far in 2019. Rankins’ return will make that less egregiously bad, but limited returns from the linebacking corps could make this New Orleans’ fatal flaw even after Brees returns.

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crushingonrazz · 7 years

Text

Roommate Bros One-Shot

Rating: Mature

UL!Sans & UF!Papyrus (also background Magenta)

W: sex addiction and loneliness/depression

Roommate Bros is a fic that I co-wrote with the amazing @queenofbiscuits over on Ao3! It was an amazing project that we both had a ton of fun working on! I don’t feel comfortable posting up the whole thing, since I wasn’t the only one that wrote it, but I would still love it if you guys would go check it out in full!

Below the cut, I’ve added my personal favorite chapter from RB, a one-shot that I wrote to delve into Lust’s character so I think it’s okay? (Fresh if you don’t want this on mine let me know, I can take it down). Consider it a teaser trailer for if you click that link up there lol. This won’t be the only RB thing I ever post since there’s a chapter in COSOS as well, but I just wanted to post this! Enjoy!

The first time Lust met one of his alternates, he got slapped across the face.

Looking back, it wasn't particularly surprising, but at the time, he remembered being extremely confused. He had found himself, along with his brother, tossed through the void and into a world where the native version of himself wore a comfortable blue hoodie and made a habit of leaning against the nearest wall in a tired sort of way that automatically made Lust offer to help him fall asleep. Comic, as he was later dubbed, had gawked at him for a long moment, then reached out and delivered a stinging smack that left Lust reeling with the unexpectedness of it. He'd just been being nice, and it wasn't like he wasn't always down to help if it included that.

Before too long, though, he was educated, through a few more slaps and a lot of yelling on the part of the SwapFell brothers. This world, and the majority of the worlds in the multiverse, didn’t exactly have the same views on sex as his world did.

Lust wasn't sure exactly what caused it, but he remembered the moment when it finally clicked for him that his access to the activity would be much decreased. His panic attack had come seemingly out of nowhere, and his brother had been extremely concerned. The soft turtleneck sweater Pink had been wearing seemed to grate against Lust’s bones, seeming to mock him with the modesty of it, and it just drove him further into his own mind.

He needed sex. Sex was...His method of coping. He would get lost inside himself, hating the world and his place in it, unable to function unless he'd been fucked until he couldn't think any more.

He didn't know why all of the others seemed to think they were so much better than he was. He'd been drinking with Comic, and he was pretty sure that there was nothing sadder than when he got going. He'd seen Red work his way through eight packs of cigarettes in a single afternoon, and even if Blue was too naive to realize that Italian seasoning wasn't usually kept in plastic bags, everyone else knew what Stretch got up to when his mind got the best of him.

So where the fuck did they get off judging him for his coping mechanisms? At least he could remember what he'd done the next morning.

Even once they got to the surface, things barely got easier. There were more people, sure, but sex with humans didn't feel nearly as satisfying as it did with other monsters. There was a lack of connection, almost no involvement of souls. It distracted him and fulfilled his need for physical affection, sure, but it just didn't...fill him. At least...not in the way he’d grown to crave so desperately.

Even as the empty hole inside him grew deeper, his brother seemed to get happier and happier. He’d never had the same problems as Lust, his had been a different kind of loneliness. Before too long, he found himself showered in kisses and affection and attention without needing to use his usual methods, courtesy of Lust’s alternate from UnderFell.

Things really seemed to reach their lowest point when the two announced their engagement. Lust was happy for his brother, he really was! In fact, he was ecstatic!

Right up until he realized that this meant he would be left to live alone in his house.

The thought terrified him. The house, which had previously felt almost too small for his normal tastes, now seemed infinitely too big and empty, what with Pink having left to live in the Fell brothers’ home until such a time as the two could find their own space. He dreaded the wedding, having to resist begging his brother to not leave him so permanently or to not get married. But the day came, and Lust found himself going through the motions of congratulations almost as though he was watching it all through someone else’s eyes, holding back tears and the urge to go find someone to lose himself in.

“You seem absolutely overjoyed to be here.”

The voice was unexpected, and Lust jolted suddenly, glancing up at the speaker. The wedding was over, but they were in the midst of the reception, and Lust had found a table in the back to sit and pretend this wasn't happening, to pretend that he wouldn’t have to go back to an empty house at the end of the night and know for a fact that his brother was never coming back.

Red's brother stood in front of him. They'd spoken a few times before, settling details and setting up dates for different meetings and events. As their brothers’ best men, they'd been forced to interact many times, actually, despite the other's apparent distaste for him. Lust couldnt understand why the other seemed to take such great delight in being an asshole, he got on with Pink almost too well.

When Lust didn't respond, Fell continued, sitting at the table and propping his feet up on the chair that stood between them. “Seriously, if I didn't know any better, I’d think you were at a funeral.”

Lust grimaced at him and sipped at his drink, electing not to respond. The other rolled his eyes and joined him in his silence. Despite the almost prickly air that surrounded him, Lust found himself relaxing slightly. He'd been craving the proximity of another monster but none of these assholes seemed to be willing to get within ten feet of him, as though they were afraid he'd try to fuck them right there in the middle of his brother's wedding.

Screw them. He'd have at least been polite enough to meet them in the bathroom. He wasn't a fucking animal.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them, broken only by the laughter of the other partygoers, before Fell spoke again. “May I be honest with you for a moment?”

Lust spared him a withering look, then nodded slightly. Why the fuck not.

“I share the sentiment.”

Lust turned to look at him fully, surprised. Fell had seemed almost as invested in this wedding as their brothers.

Fell saw the look and shrugged. “Don't get me wrong, I approve the union. I don't think I've ever seen Red as happy as he is when he's with your brother. Pink...allows him to be more open with himself. And with me.” He paused for a long moment, picking at his sleeves and looking away. “But there is something lonely about having your brother be so completely tied to another person when it's only been the two of us for so long.”

Lust studied him carefully. Fell had hit on a large portion of his own problem, an immense percentage of the reason Lust was finding himself to be so incredibly...unwilling to let his brother go.

“You aren't even alone,” Lust found himself saying before he could really think about it. “You still have Red. Pink...he left me.” He decided to blame the drink and the exhaustion and the overwhelming emotions for his honesty, waiting for the other’s answer.

Fell snorted. “Do you truly think that my brother is any more present in my life than he is in yours?”

Fair enough. Pink and Red did tend to be a bit...involved in one another.

Lust felt his mouth moving, and words coming out of their own accord before he could stop them. “Do you get sorta lonely sometimes?”

Fell snorted slightly, but he looked thoughtful. “Yes, I do. But so do most people.”

Lust shook his head. “That’s not what I mean. It’s more...do you ever feel like you need to be around people? Like if you don’t, you’ll fall apart?” His voice broke on the last word, and he withdrew from the other slightly, his cheeks flushing in shame at letting the other see such a hidden part of him.

Fell turned and met his eyes. Lust was prepared for judgement, for the other to burst into laughter and call him a whore, but he received none of it. Instead, Fell just shook his head. “No...I have quite the opposite problem, actually. I get too much of people, and I want them to leave me alone. There are very few people I can stand to exchange more than a couple of words with.”

“Our brothers?”

Fell nodded, then shrugged. “And you, I suppose, though you are…” he smirked slightly, and Lust raised one brow in response. “...irritating, at times. There is no need to be offended, however. Most people tend to be.”

Lust just rolled his eyes, but there was a smile playing around the corners of his mouth. He sipped at his drink, rolling the liquid around in his mouth for a moment as an idea occurred to him.

Fell made to stand up, and Lust’s eyes snapped up before he suddenly reached out and grabbed onto his wrist, surprised by the panic that was accompanying the thought of seeing him go.

“Hang on, just...wait a second. I have a question.”

Fell sighed heavily and sat back down, looking at him questioningly.

Lust took a deep breath, and plowed on, pushing down the thoughts that he was being an idiot, of course the other wasn’t going to say yes.

“Do you think you could stand me enough to live with me? Because I have an extra room in my house now and I wouldn’t keep you awake at all hours having loud sex.” He winked. "At least, not most nights."

Fell laughed slightly, then seemed to realize that Lust was serious, and sobered. “Wait, really? You want to live with me? You must be more lonely than I thought.”

Lust shrugged, not about to argue with that.

Fell regarded him silently for a moment, then nodded thoughtfully for a moment. “Yeah, okay. At this point anything would be better than whatever these idiots’ honeymoon is going to entail.” He looked down slightly, then back up at Lust’s face. “You have my contact details, correct? Call me tomorrow morning sometime and we can discuss this further.” And with that, he stood up and walked away, leaving Lust to sit alone at the table.

It was only after he got into his car to go home that Lust realized that his parting congratulations to the happy couple had been more sincere than any he had given them before.

Want More Stuff Like This?

#cososchaptersyo #roommate bros #lasagnaise #lust x fell #red x pink #underlust #underfell #Ao3 #undertale fanfiction #fontcest fanfiction

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