#(and about what the people around me are willing to accomodate)

[hellonerf]

this strawpage... @_@ anon ok i love thinking alot abt 1p&2p caname now how they'd all interact with each other (all a ruse to drive the two canames closer together as most things are) conjuring things in my mind now

funnily enough i think 1Pcana 2Pame is actually likely to go well together haha.... maybe at first cana is like wow (T_T) hes even more of an asshole than the ame i know... then blablabla WHAT?! he is being sincere transparent ?!?!?!?! the bewilderment of seeing a version of ur brother without his constant effort into projecting a specific image... i think cana is always. a little fascinated by these kinds of moments from ame but its moments he has to wrestle out of or comes after a kind of peak of things building up... and here it just comes out of this new ame?! without prompting?!? only awhile after they just met?!?! so heres the little weird bonding theyd have afterwards... easing of first impression hostilities.... and 2Pame is like haha a polite cana can u imagine... haha lol... haha hes sooo nicer and accomodates to me hahaa.. (looks down at feet).... then theyre projecting images of their dear brother with more agreeable behaviors into the other hahaha i love it.... both going if only he was this likeable!

even so i love base caname so in my mind this still comes to a head like... well you cant replace the bond and shared memories here... and i think 2Pame especially is more anxious or fidgety that this cana doesn't know the same things the other does... ohh hes nicer (missing the kind of specific care he needs)(looks around nervously) and 1Pcana is just not used to how this ame is... unable to talk to him about his little grievances... or joke about the same things they hate... this ame wont just sleep in the couch with me... (7_7) what will they do now?!

on the opposite end i think 1Pame and 2Pcana would just not like each other LOL i think i mentioned them before, finding what they could be interesting. i still find them interesting but in the way that i really dont think theyd get along and its really funny to me. just from first impression theyre like i dont like this guy... and then upon spending more time theyre like i REALLY dont like this guy... from 1Pame specifically i think hes just someone who doesnt mesh well with tough or more hostile demeanor guys i think... he doesnt like accomodating people and hes definitely not interested in this. this jerk?! (he was also kindof a jerk). especially since he looks like cana... i think he can deal with people who are colder like that if there is a semblance of attention or affection there.. with this new cana hes like u wont be nice to me and u wont even pay attention to me. (kills him in his mind). meanwhile 2Pcana is like hes annoying (without the inherent fondness he'd have for his ame from their shared childhood) Lol...

i think theyd just butt heads all the time... nobody willing to give in... especially especially since they look like someone they love. 1Pames just like what the hell :( wheres my cana who puts his hand in his face all exasperated and then drives me to where i asked him to anyways :( what the hell :( kill this fake cana with flamethrowers now (gritting teeth). and 2Pcana also cant stand him hes like this fakeness... fake politeness... who is this for. why are u saying excuse me. hate this performative behavior... (throws cigarette in his face). its like the worst traits of their loved one was put to the max... theyre like. sick of this guy already...

in my beautiful world ofcourse this makes the canames be like ok... so i love my... not his others... i just love him! all canames are beautiful and really funny and fun and cute! thank you anon idk if u'll end up seeing my ranting or if ur from twitter and not tumblr... but its really fun for me...

[heterophobicdyke]

Do you also find the state of lesbian dating sad, lonely and isolating? I spend years hyping myself up to get out there and now that I’m finally ready, our spaces are being taken over, the main lesbian dating app is banning people for being lesbians and I’m scared I’m gonna get hate crimed if I try to assert that boundary in a “queer” space / try and make my own.

I know I’m a bit lucky since I live in the suburbs with easy access to the main city, but man the state of everything just bums me out. I watched this shift happen with my own eyes and it’s just disheartening. I don’t even feel like I can fully come out cos the absolute state of the community right now and the parasites that latched onto it. The only real thing I can do is just tell myself that it gets better.

Do you have any advice on how to deal with this ?

The two women I’ve been in love with I met IRL (uni and work) so got a sense of their politics before I fell fully (not that they agree with absolutely everything I think but that they’d not break up with me for having a difference of opinion). It’s incredibly important to me that the women I date/marry encourages debate with no holds barred. I couldn’t fall for a woman without that and I’d fall out of love it it went missing and I was supposed to conform to what she thought or whatever arbitrary social rules say is okay to think. So I’m lucky I haven’t needed to use dating apps.

I’m not surprised that lesbian spaces have been seized and bashed beyond recognition. Women are socialised to turn to men for what’s next. Women aren’t able to be understood without men being the point of reference, either. We’re socialised to be scared of saying no to men. Male violence reveals the consequence. We avoid it at all costs.

How does this affect lesbian spaces?

Males have convinced us that they can be women and therefore lesbians. So they’re around the women they oppress, who otherwise would potentially be chatting about their oppressors in a safe space. Communication breakdown. They prey on the patriarchally convenient socialised accomodation in women.

Bisexual women lay claim to the term lesbian, and lesbian spaces, because they truly do not believe that women who aren’t attracted men exist. They think we just choose to only date women for feminism, and they can too. Because a woman without a sexual/romantic purpose related to men does not compute under heteropatriarchy. Lesbians prove that women don’t inherently exist for male pleasure because we were born without a drive towards them.

The only answer is female and homosexual liberation. End to male power and heteronormative power. Women have to be willing to live without men though and that’s the hard part lmao. It’s such a death drive to think that men have an inevitable place in any woman’s life.

[missielynne]

Not to be anti-Sam because she really is a good person, but the way she consistently prioritizes the ghosts' desires over her husband's needs without any hesitation is kind of weird lol. I mean, she's lucky she happens to be married to the sweetest, best sport in the entire world, because most people would not put up with even a fraction of what Jay does. It's true that Sam inconveniences HERSELF a lot too, but she also gets the advantage of interacting directly with the ghosts. Jay doesn't even get to form real relationships with them yet has to constantly and majorly sacrifice for them, and his wife seems to just take it for granted that he should be willing to immediately do everything and anything for them without complaint. On a different but related note, Alberta declaring that Sam was being selfish last night was just beyond the pale ---by that point Sam and by extension Jay had already done WAY more to help Alberta with this random new love interest than anyone else would! It's one thing when the ghosts expect Sam and again by extension Jay to go out of their way to help with a serious issue involving family member or to resolve a mystery surrounding their death, but the implication that Sam and Jay should blow up their lives to keep Alberta's boy toy around for a little longer is just ridiculous imo. It kind of seems like the ghosts are more selfish and entitled this season overall, but maybe it's just me. I don't mind that they're somewhat self-absorbed---it's to be expected and adds to the comedy---but they seem to be regressing rather than growing! Maybe they're leading up to a narrative where Jay finally puts his foot down and Sam ultimately chooses to side with her husband over placating the ghosts...?!

I definitely think the ghosts are getting way too comfortable with Sam always advocating for them over Jay (and even herself, as you say). You're not being anti-Sam at all, in fact I've thought everything you say myself.

I mean, in a sense, I understand why Sam does what she does: she is a caring person and she has the means to help these people have experiences that will give them richer, fuller afterlives in ways they can't achieve themselves, so naturally she wants to give it a shot for them. And when you put Jay in the mix, Sam is treating him like the ghosts treat her: just assuming that because he's naturally very accomodating, she doesn't have to ask, or be polite, or even accept no as an answer.

I really would like to see Jay take the reins more because unlike Sam, we know he can draw lines with the ghosts and doesn't hesitate to do so. That's another reason why him being able to see them would be so good: not just because of the fun that would come from him being able to see Pete, but also because he could be the muscle or the force when them that Sam seems to be incapable of being. And then that could lead to them both eventually being able to really be on the same team about the ghosts, not just Sam saying do this and Jay saying okay.

As for Alberta...yeah. Her calling Sam selfish was a real slap, you know? I mean again, I get where Alberta is coming from: With Saul, she's finally having a chance to experience a relationship again and it's frustrating that Sam just gets to cut it off. (And I shouldn't have been surprised how much Jay was willing to do but I was, honestly. Go him.)

But naturally, because they don't usually get to see things from Sam's point of view, they can't put themselves in her place. Being dead gives them a very limited world and worldview where they are more having to be helped by Sam instead of equally being in a position to help her also.

(And I think that when it comes to changing that, Alberta could be one of the first to figure things out. I mean remember when she could be heard in the Alexa and got annoyed by everyone asking her to tell Alexa stuff...giving her a moment in Sam's shoes, which she found annoying. I think more moments like that for all the ghosts wouldn't hurt for sure.)

[aristotels]

Of course all problems and inequalities are direct consequence of modernity and in the past those who are now considered undesirable were considered divine and definitely weren't treated even worse and didn't have access to anything that resembles accomodations. Let's bring those times back!

In Ancient Rome specifically there was no hospitalisation, yes, but also people who were considered mad couldn't make financial and legal operations on their own at all and couldn't be citizens, and were considered pariahs by their communities. This is not to say that you are wrong because you picked the wrong time to see as "when things were better", it's that just because what causes problems now is capitalism doesn't mean that before it people were always kind and caring, everything is much older.

(Or that removing the money would fix everything on its own, for that matter)

are you literally so stupid to fail to see my point

the point isnt "LOOK WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US" the point is that fears and delusions depend on the society youre brought up in; and also sorry that a 5 sentences tumblr post didnt go into history of medical malpractice, it was a lighthearted post made by someone with those very issues

yeah, if i lived then, then id have a different delusion more fit to those times - but it would not resemble my current paranoia or nightmares of being drugged or talked to the way ive had medical staff talk to me bc those things are specific to our society.

(Also you can still have your rights denied for being mentally ill today as well?????? what happened to free britney??? And like My family doctor once literally suggested to my dad to involountary check me into psych ward which was smth my psychiatrist at the time was very much trying to avoid because he KNEW how dehumanizing that is, he spent more than sn hour trying to figure out if my visions of suicide were actual suicide risk or intrusive thoughts; telling me later that he was willing to gamble such a huge risk and responsibility he would have to take in case i actually did smth to myself - just to keep me out of the hospital stay because he worked there and SAW how dehumanizing it is. because getting in the ward here doesnt mean youre done when youre out, this shit affects FUCKLOAD of things in your life!)

are you really trying to be like "LETS TAKE AWAY ACCOMODATIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO SUFFER WOOW GOOD JOB" in my inbox rn btw considering that i am literally schizophrenic w some other mental illnesses, and that i take fucking meds upon meds for it, including antipsychotics??????? and i am also very grateful for those aids, but even with meds my condition will never be resolved and its severity very much depends on the people/society around me. my delusions while living in croatia might differ from someone who lives in the usa.

i literally have no patience or attention or care or anything to argue with you rn, if you wanna discuss political or economical or marxist or whatever theory in my inbox go ahead, but i am NOT arguing about my own fucking lived experience and having you speak to me this way, in an incredibly entitled and dismissive way. its late and im going to bed. i genuinely dont care for your "ummmmm ekshually capitalism is noot thaaat bad-" shit while i keep having episodes on the daily in a big part due to fuckin capitalism. losing my other job is putting me through stress because i have no money, but it also eased up certain aspects of my illness because i dont have to hit hardcore fucking deadlines every week.

p.s. who the fuck is talking about money not existing. if you are gonna bring that up within communist theory and up for a serious discussion thats a whole other thing, but moneyless and stateless society doesnt just rest on tadaaah no money, like theres a reason marx wrote books n essays on that shit and why daddy engels sent him checks. and even in ideal communist world we would still have mental illnesses, but i am absolutely positive that my thoughts would differ than the current ones and that they would probably be less severe. and also why is this implying that communism wont have like the fuckin medication

i usually take care to carefully reply to asks and try to actually give a serious opinion but i gen dont care if i sound incoherent rn, this legit pissed me off

[3416]

''i do have thoughts ! but'' share?

well fbdkdk we all like to joke about mitch's daddy issues.. and even though it's all just speculation, it does something to you when you feel like a parent's love is conditional!! i would know. it's a very relatable part of him to me personally, and it's a part that can get ugly (which isn't the most fun to speculate abt in a fandomy sense) so i don't blame anyone for wanting to look at it from such a lighthearted perspective like. i do it too and in the end, he is a millionaire with little material concern in this life from now on most likely so!! But inside of him.... when you feel like you have to earn the love of people around you or keep it up or can't express your full self for fear of what ppl think or whatever like. it wears you down. it hurts your self image. it makes you codependent and needy in a way that might not be the most fun or cutest despite what all of us who adore him say.. mitch's perception of himself as someone who wants to and HAS to provide that energy for this team all the time is pretty evident in that blueprint ep about him, and while i think most of the time, that's just his personality... you can't always be on and always be that for people. privileged to be in his position but sometimes feels like he's still. not whole.... missing something. HATES being left out and feeling like things are happening without him.... none of that is cute when it's happening a lot, but he has teammates who love him and are willing to accomodate that despite the teasing so <3

i also just think like. if any person on this team were most likely to Snap in any meaningful way... it would be him. like he's done and been everything Traditional Hockey would want from him and it's still not enough to get people off his back, fans media family alike. his teammates can break sticks over the bench and people "love their passion" but mitch goes down the hallway to do it out of everyones eyeshot and its a story for a week? idk. he is handled differently from everyone else on the leafs, and i cant imagine how it is to be this hometown boy who can never do anything right by some standards.... who think the only team he's ever really known would be better without him?? who wouldn't doubt their place or contemplate the drastic when theyre someone who lets others opinions get to them?? like when your self image already suffers but your have people piling on... you're telling me there's nothing internally dark about that???????

there is a lot more to say but i'm fucked up on nyquil and 5 seconds from sleep so. hope this makes sense 😭

[system-of-a-feather]

Lovebird Observation Notes Day 1

I have never actually had or handled a lovebird specifically, cockatiels, parakeets, zebra finches, ducks, chickens - heck actually handled a macaw and cockatoo more than I did a lovebird. Though I have done a lot of reading and know a decent bit on them from an academic and "birder" community stand point.

Generally speaking, lovebirds are pretty hyperactive and tend to make really strong bonds either with their human or their forever bonded partner which was largely why I was pretty concerned when my neighbor said "You can have her, I honestly have two parrotlets and I like them better" - which I was originally pretty mad and annoyed about, and still am a bit even though I think it comes from the place of having done the very common issue of a stupid and uneducated purchase on a "cute and pretty pet"

Thankfully, I'm also very needy of a bird human that needs bird company and have a corner in our bedroom near my PC where my cockatiels get to be right up next to me and space on the desk for a second cage. Additionally, I ALSO have cockatiels that could live across the desk as a cage neighbor for her to passively socialize with when I'm not home (asked a professional semi-local rehabilitate their opinion on if I could / should take the lovebird and if I should get a second to give her company as I was thinking of adopting a second lovebird from an official rescue center if it would have been better for her)

I think shes a yellow mutant Fischer's specifcifcally, she overpreens and has a slightly over grown beak (though not so much I would consider it a health issue, but enough so that I notice it as an orange flag)

The cage she came in isn't the worst I seen as - for one lovebird - it does give her some space to fly and move around. Her toy selection is really not the best for a lovebird and looks more catered to a parakeets needs. She needs more stuff to shred to maintain her beak and her general behavioral needs and she does need more space to move to accomodate her hyper active nature. Her food was largely to be desired - millet and what I think was probably parakeet food or cheap lovebird food at best

She has a tendency to bang against the corner of the cage a lot which is probably due to it being 1) slightly too small 2) her having no real toys that she could destroyed and break.

She's pretty hesitant towards people but as far as birds that need rehabilitation or socialization, she's honestly pretty quick to warm up and trust at least to the point of being relatively close to me when in the cage and her also lowering her head for longer periods when eating without checking up on me.

She seems pretty curious and interested in my cockatiels as well which is pretty cool.

Lucy is curious as well but he is hesitant at this strange birds since I don't think hes really seen a non-cockatiel up close. He's actually decided to sit on my shoulder and watch her from a bit a far since I am safe but also closer.

I also appreciate him doing this cause he's basically also showing her that I absolutely am fine to jump on and climb over and trust (he's taking the time of being on me to preen me too XD He's not frequently a shoulder bird cause he's got an ego and would rather be a FREE boy who NEEDS no owner) but she seems to be warming up to the new location pretty quickly and well. I'm keeping her in the safety of the cage until I learn her better and she gets comfortable to lower the stress on her, me and my cockatiels (plus the risk - however low considering neither flocks seem to have any illnesses - of avian flu so good practice to keep them apart for a bit).

Tomorrow I'm gonna go see if I can get her a cheap but better sized cage and Lucy / Avery have been needing new toys anyways so getting them both some new toys - fixing some of the core basic physiological needs and issues before going off and trying to tame her and get her used to people.

I'd be willing to return her to her owner after she's tamed and all under the conditions she follows a list of welfare and care suggestions cause honestly, rehabilitating and helping parrots is just a fun pass time personally for me. I'm more than happy to do so XD

That plus she did seem well intended after getting more information on her situation and if she is willing to comply with care and welfare conditions and suggestions, it could probably also improve the life of her parrotlets as well.

Apparently she regularly takes them both to and from the office where they can fly around more freely which is such a good idea and concept so I do have respects there. The issue just is that its clear she didn't do her research before buying a lovebird nor did she really learn much on whats needed AFTER buying one. Either way, Imma give this lovebird therapy.

She's also like "You know shes not tame AT ALL" and "Are you SURE? I feel like I might just be over encumbering you"

And Im like one, I've lived with parrots my entire life, my two cockatiels here used to travel between living with me and living with a flock of 7-8 cockatiels at a time in the past. One lovebird more than my two cockatiels is not too much. And TWO, she's an untamed mild over-preener.

Avery over here was probably from a breeder mill where she was probably taken from her parents too soon and as a result doesn't know how to preen right, doesn't know how to bathe right, didn't know how to fly right, either has a neurological issue from crashing when young or from being inbred, and when we got her my mom gave up on her after a year plus of her biting her fingers off and flying off when anything that might LOOK like a hand was within 10 ft of her.

I think I can handle an untamed slightly stressed lovebird 😂 Plus I'm literally an animal behavioralist and work in animal research in two months I think I'm good.

*also im internally crying at the opportunity to save a mentally ill birb, its so theraputic and lowkey I think I've been mildly triggered since I havent been able to take her in even though I know shes a bird in need since I kept missing my neighbor*

Either way, she's looking very happy and pleased with the current situation which is A LOT more than I had expected, so I think she likes the casual companionship I've given her the past hour with my birds and me at my desk + the slightly improved food quality (let her have my cockatiel seeds, they rotate between two different pellets, a pretty good mix of seeds and get regular fresh fruit and veg whenever I put them in my meals which is near daily)

She's already sleeping and I've seen her happy fluff about this which considering this is a new home with new birds - I'm extremely shocked to hav- I HEARD HER BEAK GRIND IM GONNA CRY

Anyways, day one update on Raya the Lovebird.

[pearlsofthec]

What do u mean in your recent insta story that the yoga place is low vibrational? (If u feel like elaborating)

p.s. love uuuu u are def high vibrational and i love ur vibe and aesthetic u inspire me to be my best self!!

I preach positivity but I'll never not take an opportunity to be a hater when it comes to superficial wellness. Let's gooo: The blue-ish lights, for starter, drives me crazy. I don't know if you can can see in the picture, but the gym I go to has blue/ violet lights all around, and I don;t understand it: it isn't natural, it isn't calming, and it's so intense in the weight/ hard gym part of the establishment, it bleeds into the yoga room. So instead of having my mind wander and float, my calmness is disrupted by this crazy lightning.

THEN we have the issue that it's not even a strictly yoga room. And that's normal for many places, I know I know. But it's frustrating to see the space we're using is literally just and improvised setting, with step exercise seps mounted, crowding the walls, ankle weights all around, no natural light... I don't know, space is so important for me, and I feel like when you need to do grounding work, it's crucial to feel embraced, and somewhat connected to nature. We're in 25, huddled in a tiny room, and I think the medium space between each person's mat is about 30 cm tops. That's just insane!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to do my prasarita padottanasana with the fear that when I unfold my head will meet the butt of the middle aged man in front of me, that's not what yoga's about...

Let's not even talk about the fact that they don't offer different lessons according to the different yoga types. They practically just separate the lessons in two: intense and non intense. So I have no way of knowing whether what is being taught is going to be hatha, vinyasa, astanga...

I love love love yoga, i go to class 4-5 times a week when I can, and I won't stop going despite all of my complaints. But I feel like all of those things are a reflection of a deeper problem, that runs deeper, into Milan's inner workings: it's simply not a city of nature, and its people are not people who, in their majority, have any interest in leading holistic lifestyles. Coming from a family, and a country, that values natural health, mobility and wholesomeness, this is still something I'm learning to navigate. And when this problem manifests into unassuming activities... idk, I feel a bit disheartned. Maybe the problem is that I signed up to an unfortunate gym, but honestly, I think the mentality of this city is not accomodating to the real yoga yet. The teachers are so willing, and some other students are as well. But the problem is institutional, unfortunately...

I am so sorry for going on a crazy vent AHAHAH I think I have just been reminiscing about the awesome vinyasa seshs I'd have back in São Paulo and that set me off...

I hope you have a good night though, your words were so kind, I hate to think I might have set the vibes off with my complaint, but it's good to take some weight off before sleeping

[sam-the-pancake]

On our main someone sent an anonymous ask saying:

"You mentioned in a post somewhere that you're a teacher? If it's alright to ask, I'm becoming a teacher too and I've been worried that I'm too disabled to do it. How does being disabled affect you and your job teaching, and how are some ways you've learned to manage?"

-------------------------------------------------

We're happy to talk about our experiences! Just keep in mind they're exactly that, our experiences, yours might be different. (Apologies in advance that this gets a bit long and rambly)

The main disabilities that affect our job are EDS and autism. We are a DID system (and have other disabilities), but I (host) am forced into the front around people who know us but don't know about the system so switching at work isn't a problem for us. I use a cane anytime I'm out of the house and I've recently started using a wheelchair as well when I know it's going to be a high impact day with lots of standing or sitting at the lunch tables (which have no back support).

I am currently a middle school teacher. I teach English as a New Language, so again, my experiences might be different than if I were a general education classroom teacher. The admin at my school have been very good about hearing what I need and working with me. That being said, I am very good at advocating for myself. In my opinion you need to be willing to say "I can't do that" or "I need X accomodation/help if you want me to do that". For example recently there was an event for all the teachers and we were told everyone needs to take the school bus from your school to the event. I knew I'd need my wheelchair for the event and I didn't feel comfortable using a school bus lift. I reached out to my admin and said this is the situation, whats the protocol I need to follow? And she found out what needed to happen for me to drive myself there.

There are two main ways my disabilities affect my teaching. EDS affects my ability to stand/walk around for long periods or collective time without pain and fatigue. And my autism can cause direct miscommunication, or people misreading my tone and misinterpreting my words/attitude because of that.

To manage my EDS symptoms:

I've learned that I need to not put my cane down. Sometimes I'll leave it at my desk to walk around the room but my back starts hurting faster.

I bought a collapsible stool from Amazon for bus duty (standing next to a bus and marking who gets on).

I use my wheelchair whenever we have PD or other meetings in the cafeteria or other rooms that dont have chairs with backs. Or anytime I'll need to sit for hours and know the wheelchair will be a better choice since its more comfortable for long periods. (I haven't gotten my custom rigid frame yet. I'm using a loaner folding chair so I've been avoiding using it during the day when students are around)

I take Ibuprofen when I start to hurt! Dont wait for it to be "bad enough" it's only going to get worse! A lot of it is just learning to be kind to myself.

Sometimes I need to sit so I'll use my desk chair to move around, or I'll tell kids if they need me to come to me. I like to walk around the room to monitor progress as my coteacher leads, but sometimes I need to stay seated and that's ok.

To avoid miscommunication due to my autism:

I tell people straight away that I have a very direct tone, I'm not being passive aggressive or something like that. I say what I mean, and if I'm upset with you I'll tell you so we can work it out.

I'll also tell people that I have trouble reading tone through text, so I might ask for clarification on what was meant in a text or email and again that's just me trying to understand you properly and avoid miscommunication.

Sort of related, when a student asks a question I know the answer to but it's completely unrelated to the lesson (and won't be a quick answer), I've learned to say something along the lines of "I'm glad you're interested in learning about that, I'm happy to talk to you about it during _____, but right now we have to focus on what Mrs. Teacher is teaching". I often do this when kids notice my pronoun pins and ask if I'm a boy or girl. I'll say "I'm not either, I'm nonbinary, we can talk about it more during ____ if you want to know more about what that means."

This last thing is general teacher advice, but it definitely helps me to not over work myself. Don't bring work home. I don't know where you live, but at least in the US there's a major teacher shortage and we're underpaid as it is. We aren't paid to grade or lesson plan at home. And right now they especially can't afford to fire us. Take your time at home to relax, recover, and do something you enjoy. If you take a day off either as a sick day or a personal day don't use it to do work that you should be being paid to do either. I avoid this by leaving all my papers and work laptop in the building so I'm not tempted.

I hope this helped a bit. I don't know what kind of disabilities you have or what accommodations you think you might benefit from but I'm happy to talk about what I've seen or experienced if you're thinking of something else I didn't mention. If you're not a minor you're welcome to DM us. You can also keep sending asks to this blog if you prefer to stay anonymous :)

[stabethadeathwhisper]

Not to be like "all disabled people can also be part of the endless value grind" or "all disabled people can or should secretly be able to work" (extremely untrue and genuinely hurtful ways to view the disabled) but heres the thing

If you give a disabled person enough time and support and care, they WILL find something they WANT to do. They will get themselves to a place where they are in control, and stable, and start putting their effort into learning SOMETHING they can do within their new limitations. Like, all those stories of the gold star folks that climb mt everest without legs and stuff--those arent the standard we should all be held to, or what "we can do of we put our minds to it"

Those are people who werent imminently at risk for homelessness or not being able to pay for their drugs, who had the support of the people around them to help figure out what they were still capable of, and how to get there. Theyre one in a million because the rest of us get left to scrape and starve and barely make it through, and we never get a chance to even become stable long enough to find something we CAN do.

Like, i could work just about any desk job. But i cant finish highschool, because theres no accomodations theyre willing to make for me, and i cant afford to travel every day or be healthy enough to attend a learning center every day. Thats literally why i dropped out to begin with. So i can't get a desk job, and i can't do work appropriate to my condition. I became an artist instead, which i was lucky enough to be able to do because i live with my parents still. If my parents couldnt support me, or i didnt have a place to stay, i would be in an assissted living home for the rest of my life despite being like, 50% completely normal. That's not right. And we get shown all these articles telling us that this is wjat we SHOULD be. And all it really is is reminding us that we COULD be doing something we loved, if anyone actually cared enough to literally just want us to survive even.

[fanahrts]

i hope you realize you're exactly like him. Exactly. Like. Him. going through the receipts, suicidal guilt tripping just like a certain someone. "he would purposely give u his attention like a rollercoaster to keep you on" just like a certain shitty ex boyfriend.

Hi. This is a very dead blog, and this is not the previous owner - I am his current boyfriend. This account will go right back to being inactive after I post this.

I have a lot to stay, and I'll try to keep it as brief and concise as I can, but I think it's incredibly telling that you would be willing to compare a mentally ill autistic teenager (teenager at the time, at least) who, at the time, did not know better (and no one bothered to tell him either, everyone kept their mouth shut until it was time to dogpile, it seems!) to someone who manipulated and abused him for months on end - emotionally, psychologically, sexually, and I'd even argue physically (causing someone multiple seizures, accusing them of lying about having them, and then continuing the behavior that caused the seizures could be classified physical abuse, could it not?).

It's also incredibly telling that you'd be willing to take the side of someone you're actively admitting to being an abusive person.

Those two freaks have been actively stalking him for over half a decade at this point. Half. A. Decade. Following him around from platform to fucking platform in order to try to run off any friends or community he has. In the time that I have known him, Barry (or whatever name the freak goes by now) has done this twice.

They want to claim to be victims, but that is not the behavior of victims. Victims do not actively seek out their supposed abuser multiple times over the span of six years to actively antagonize them and the people who associate with them. They generally have a tendency to avoid their abusers at all costs, actually - I would know, I am a victim of abuse myself.

Everyone involved in this situation back in 2017 are now adults. Fucking act like it. The fact that there were anons from one of them on this very blog as recently as October of 2021 is just pathetic. Grow up, go to fucking therapy, get a life, something, please.

This next bit is specifically for Barry - who I assume at some point will be reading this as he's clearly deranged and actively sends anons to a blog that's been dead for years: You are genuinely one of the most vile people I have ever witnessed. And I say witnessed, because I have seen you in action twice now. It's bad enough to abuse someone the way you have, but it's next level evil (and I do not say that lightly) to proceed to obsessively stalk this person for the following 6 years, and try to continue to abuse them. I get angrier thinking about you than I do thinking about the people who have personally caused me severe trauma throughout my lifespan.

You disgust me. Blaming your extremely abusive behavior on a stigmatized disorder and refusing to take any steps to better yourself so you don't hurt those around you and just expecting them to accomodate abusive behavior is not what a victim does. It's what an abuser does. I'd say to get help, but I genuinely believe you are beyond help at this rate. I hope you stay far, far away from other people.

And for Cisco (or whatever name he goes by now) : I am not your biggest fan either, not by a longshot (in fact, I think you are highly abusive as well in your own ways, and enabled Barry) but I'm going to say this, because I think that you need to hear it, incase you are still with him: He is abusing you. Everything I have heard of how he treated you is textbook abuse. And I think you know that to some degree, based on the way you have seemingly sent asks to this blog begging for it's owner to come back years after the fact. I think you knew when sending those anons that you were in a bad situation, and that you wanted someone else to come back and help deal with that abuse as well. That is selfish, and cowardly, but it is a sign to me that you are in over your head. If you are still with him: leave.

Overall, I have witnessed first hand the effects of what you two did to him. I see the uncertainty in relationships, the flashbacks, the PTSD and OCD, the nightmares, the self-doubt, the alters who split in order to merely hold the trauma that was caused, the paranoia and fear, etc. I see it all first hand. You are not the victims here, and I think you fucking know that - unless you are actually completely delusional. Barry, I know you are stalking my twitter account - or were, at some point, that is - because I know that is how you found him the last time. You are completely fucking deranged and either need serious help or to not be in any interpersonal relationships with anyone.

Go ahead, call me a p3do apologist or whatever it was you called people who stuck by him in the past. You two wouldn't know p3dophilia if it struck you in the god damn face, it seems, considering you are grown adults spreading around a callout from over half a decade ago that contains screenshots of a then-17 year old talking sexually about himself. I don't know, maybe it's just me but that seems awfully similar to distribution of CP, hm?

I'm pleased to say that neither of you can access him, or hurt him anymore. And your last couple attempts to get the people he cares about to leave him failed. Miserably. He has me, and he has friends who have stuck by him and will stick by him. I hope that fact bothers you, you fucking miserable, pathetic freak. Go fuck yourself.

[a-clarice-dream]

A thoughts on a tale of trying to see F1 live in the next year: a very upset fan rant.

My home GP, tickets having recently gone on sale. Great! I think. It’s the weekend of my birthday, I’ll treat myself. And it’s a big treat myself, because I’d be having to travel to go.

The grandstand tickets: last year it was surge priced and not at all what was initially disclosed, which is borderline illegal (and I suspect will remain the same). All good ones this year tied up in $6000+ experience packages. I have a chronic illness that makes GA not an option, unless I want to hang around for as long as I can tolerate it and accept that I may have to leave mid race, which considering that I have to travel to attend is not a good option.

The hospitality tickets: all even remotely reasonable ones gone in two seconds. Everything else is over $3000, and I’m not game to buy certain ones because the weather is very unpredictable. Except if you’re a business - mysteriously, there are still openings for businesses to host parties in places that are “allocation exhausted” for us plebeians regular fans.

I think to myself, damn, I can’t really afford this. Let’s see what’s on in my city that weekend:

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Everything is in the other city where the race is. Not even a watch party that I can find. And I don’t have irl friends who are into formula 1, so I’m not even able to host a watch party or something like that for a race falling over my own damn birthday weekend.

I think and dream and hope that I can go to the GP in person, knowing that the tickets are insane, even just for Sunday, and speak to my family. They’re even willing to chip in and make it my birthday present. I do the math, and to fly to the city, stay there and see the race is over $6000. That is the price of a nice international round trip flight. That is nothing to sneeze at.

So I research. I read everything I can about the place I was trying to get a ticket for, and find out that most of the hospitality tickets for this race are consistently bought out by corporate and business shmoozers whose employees get to go for free and try and sell each other shit while having not a single fuck to give about the race. Reviewers and online comments consistently convey that these people are not there for the race, and they don’t care for any part of the technical side of the sport: you will not be among fans. Moreover, it’s implied that the free booze et al. is what many of them are actually there for. It’s kind of hateful as a fan to know this is what is playing out; and that genuine fans of a sport are being priced out of the best seats by businesses and corporate TM who do not give a fuck about racing. Knowing I’d be attending alone, a horrible thought races in the back of my mind about the incident a few years back with the woman supporting Mercedes who was assaulted by drunken men Redbull supporters in the grandstands. Throw in the fact that I know cell signal at these events is often appalling, I’m not feeling overly confident or comfortable for my personal safety. Being alone and in this situation that could potentially turn shoddy very quickly is suddenly sounding highly unappealing despite the fact that I love this sport and this is supposed to be my birthday present.

The nail in the coffin is that the accomodation is almost as much as the hospitality ticket. It’s not particularly nice accomodation either, but everything is booked out only days after the first tickets were released and the hotels are very aware of how much they can scalp on this weekend.

Ultimately and heartbreakingly, I decided that I absolutely cannot justify the cost. Especially as a woman travelling alone, it’s not worth it, and I’m not a woman who shies away from doing things alone. And I love this sport so damn much and I want to see it live, but it genuinely feels like the fans are being priced out. A part of me wonders whether the recession the government is currently pretending isn’t happening would make the tickets cheaper closer to the time; but the consensus online is generally that there aren’t any tickets available closer to the time for this race; and knowing what’s already gone down with the accommodation, that will get even worse closer to the time of the race. I actually think it will all get worse, as the state hosting the race is in dire economic straits and is really looking to squeeze cash out of anything that moves gather money by any means possible and the formula racing just happens to look like a huge paycheck.

I hate it. I hate it all. I just wanted to enjoy my favourite sport and the racing that happened to fall on the weekend of my birthday, live.

[msfbgraves]

Two months in customer service, and it's amazing how customer entitlement will backfire on all customers. I've had a few cases where I and a few of my colleagues went out of our way to accomodate someone. Like mental backflips within the confines of a contract, creative problem solving you name it. The customer reaction to all of that? Completely neutral. If they were mildly friendly, that's how they stayed, if they were pissed off, nothing could placate them. Do you know what that does to someone's willingness to go the extra mile? It evaporates. Everybody likes to complain about bad service, but that's because there is no incentive to offer very good service, not even in the customer interaction (because there's no bonuses in it for me anyway). Oh, you have a problem and you're bitching to us about having to spend time to fix it? It's ultimately not our problem, buddy. Oh, you're getting more than one person handling your case? You're free to handle everything yourself. Oh, what's that? You don't speak the language? You don't know how anything works? Sucks to be you, then, huh? But you expected more for the total of $30 you paid? We've already spent $500 on you, do you really want to try us? Ah, you've suddenly developed heart problems because you have to wait an hour longer than you want? Call medical assistance. They could have you helicoptered out of there by tracing your phone. ...It's not that bad suddenly. Funny how that works.

The more entitled customers become, the less willing, overall, people manning the phones become to help any of them. Because it's impossible for me to determine whether you actually need help or you simply don't want to use your brain. And the sad thing is people who go into any kind of support role genuinely want to assist people. But if there is no pleasing customers, why would I try?

Also you're right. We could do more. When we've genuinely made a mistake. Or when we think you're nice. When we think you're stupid or rude? We won't. The manager is less inclined to help you than I am, believe you me, when you've been hogging the line to get your frustrations out, thereby ruining our numbers.

People always think that by starting with: "I've had it! You're going to do X for me!" they'll get better help. No. It'll get you the barest of minimums, likely less than that. If you're respectful and pull your weight in trying to solve your own problem, that's the only way you can unlock that magical exception you're counting on. Because you need me to advocate for you, darling. I need to make a damn good case to the only person in the room who both speaks fluent French, has a direct line to the money people and whose shift hasn't ended yet. If you're yelling at me, and, based on experience, you're lying to me? I have an ironclad policy and legal department and: "This will be all I can do for you at the moment."

Good luck finding a translator with an extra $5000 lying around on a Sunday afternoon.

"What am I paying for, then?"

My goodwill, sweetheart. Which is in ever shorter supply the louder you get.

P.S.: To the customer who told me "I have an M.A., but I don't understand your terms and conditions", implying that this is somehow my fault, you've just told me you've signed a contract you don't understand. If you wanted to make the point that you're smart, that's a bit of a self-burn, isn't it?

[dumbegglife]

tifa lockhart headcanons

long post

i'm kind of a hater but i wish i didnt have to be

i want to like tifa, but square makes it difficult. even though she's so so so so important, she has such little characterization?? very little substance...but it's not her fault, it's square's. so i'm trying to create a version of tifa that makese sense to me.

from what i know of Tifa, she's demure, motherly, and uncertain. Tifa almost never gets outwardly angry. she's always gracious, is always willing to help. one of the most interesting thing's about her, is that she keeps quiet when Cloud is telling his warped verison of Nibelheim and Sephiroth. also, she joined Avalanche, but she's very conflicted. she's explicitly states she hates Shinra, presumably she joints Avalanche out of a sense of vengeance but really hates what she's doing. in the remake, square is pretty half-hearted about how they portray it imo, but this inner conflict/uncertainty in her nature is pretty interesting!!!

headcanons:

insecure and desperate to please

i like to believe she's really, really repressed. she's putting on a happy face because she wants to be reliable and well-liked, but when she's alone, she's staring at walls, she's about to boil over, she's going over events over and over in her mind in a loop.

she needs a lot of alone time. again, so she can stare at walls and recharge.

bar culture and drinking should be a bigger part of her character, considering she loves being a bartender. she doesn't have to a be an alcoholic, but maybe show her eager to kick back and enjoy a drink? maybe it's not the drinking she likes the most, but making drinks for people and seeing them have a good time? if that's the case, i wish they'd show that. that would connect back into her eager-to-please nature and that she just wants a simple life where everyone around her is happy.

and why would Tifa be such a people pleaser? like everyone in FF7, she's very lonely. unlike Aerith and Cloud, she didn't grow up lonely; she had a lots of friends and an enriching childhood, before losing it all. that could contribute to why she loves being in a bar, where she feels like she has friends and a community again. but she's terrified of losing it, so she feels that she has to overcompensate by being nice and accomodating all the time. i quite like the idea of Tifa being an insecure people pleaser, because the other characters of FF7 are very much not, so that makes her stand out. she has a hard time saying what she's truly feeling, because she's non-confrontational, she has to think about things more than most people, she always has to be the most diplomatic and respond in a "correct" way, she has to be able to predict the outcome and know how to mitigate a difficult situation.

angry but repressed

Tifa is definitely angry, why else would you join a terrorist group. she had that short outburst in Nibelheim and once again during the destruction of Sector 7 (though that's pretty expected...it'd be weird for anyone if they didn't feel that way). but she hates the idea of anyone getting hurt and dying, including nameless Shinra troops and maybe even leadership, but she willingly joins a cause where she HAS to hurt people. we see her disagree with Avalanche's methods, but that's a bit incongruous to me...like she sought them out and joined them...

with some mental extrapolation, i can live with this though. she's trying to steel her heart towards the cause, because ultimately, she believes what she's doing is right. but she struggles. we see her struggle before the destruction, but i also want to see her struggle and be frustrated afterwards. i want to see her scream and act out in private moments. where Barret is loud about his anger, i want Tifa to be holding it in and shown to have a lot of inner turmoil all the time. it could be interesting- like with Aerith. we know Aerith acts really cutetsy, but part of it is a front to hide that she's always scared. to hide that she's knows a lot more than she lets on. i loooove that. so i think Tifa should snap and have her own meltdown at some points (meltdowns that aren't just because of Cloud's instability), and not just a little bit, but i want her to be a little vicious and vent, because she wants to believe in 2nd chances and the goodness in everyone, even Shinra, even though it's damn near impossible to.

so. i feel that square took away Tifa's characterization so she could be a perfect little waifu and not act in ways that would be unattractive to men, y'know?? it feels like she doesn't have any true flaws, so she's just very bland to me and catering to men instead of being a a fully fledged character like her counterparts.

trying to fix her with my mind...

[whaogh]

shocked that he's still mad at me about this, which doesn't actually concern him in any way but I guess one must find a reason why the person they don't like is the "bad guy" in the situation. jesus christ. it's just. does he feel guilty and ashamed for not being able to provide the same base level of care others do for my disability? does he realize he's the one in the wrong? does that eat him up to the point that he has to find any of my wrongdoings to justify denying me basic care and empathy? is he just ableist, and will always throw others aside once they're not fun, once they actually show any symptoms of their problems? was I just supposed to get the hint at some point, but I didn't so he kept pretending that things were okay?

there's nothing I could have NOR would have done differently. I reached out, communicated openly, tried to find ways to fix things. And all I've gotten in return is someone incapable of confronting the situation, incapable of telling me upfront that he's not willing to change his behavior to be a better friend to someone who mattered to him at some point.

were they all empty words? was any and every "it was really nice to spend time with you" a lie because being polite is more important than being honest? when did that change- or were you always like that and I just didn't pick up on it. It's not like your actions always aligned with your words to be fair. wonder why I thought I must be the exception.

why does he try to pretend things are suddenly magically okay because of an apology? as if saying sorry somehow changes the material conditions, wipes away the past? what if I'm not sorry? what if I wholly agree with the choices I made given the circumstances I was in?

I mean I both do and don't give a shit about the words. Like yes it would be nice if he could own up to being unwilling to change, to make basic fucking accomodations and just be nicer instead of getting frustrated when someone has symptoms of their disability. when I ask you to slow down because I can't walk that fast, I shouldn't be met with a huff and grumbling. I shouldn't have to ask a million times to slow your pace so you aren't just walking 10 feet in front of me while still trying to maintain a conversation. when you invite me to an event, it'd be nice to take into consideration that I don't fucking function like you, that I'm having to drag my aching crumbling body around. Yes, sure, people are allowed to not be friends with people who are disabled because they can't cope with it and they can't accommodate them. But at least be honest with yourself and said disabled person about that fact.

Does he think he tried to change things between us? That because he'd remember to text me once in a while to invite me to something, or come if it was convenient for him when I needed support, that was his way of trying to fix things? But there was a problem in the actual communication and things said when spending time together: you can fucking tell someone that btw. Forcing yourself to spend time with them and then expect them to pick up on your nonverbal hints while you constantly reassure them that it's not them, it's just that you're having a hard time. Like what the fuck am I supposed to do here? I don't know which behavior annoys you. If you don't want to know about how I'm doing, because you know my life is hard, it's as easy as not asking! If you don't give a shit about hearing about my problems, don't ask me to tell you about them!!! It's not bad to be incapable of hearing rough shit, but it is your job to tell people so they don't fucking TELL YOU THAT SHIT. trying to change or ignore the person talking is rude, you can't avoid confrontation forever. Or I guess you can, but god what a miserable life you'll have.

I never asked you to fix my problems, my problems don't have a solution. I wanted support. I wanted to know that despite my struggles, I was still loved. I wanted to feel heard, to be validated. But all you could see was that you were powerless to help me, and I guess, you felt generally bad anytime you saw me because you felt like it was a personal failure that you couldn't do anything to help. I mean there were ways to help, but they weren't how you wanted to help. Helping others isn't about how you want to help them, it's about what that person needs to feel helped. Deciding that this type of help is superior to another doesn't magically change that a person is still not receiving your help if you're not giving them what they're asking for.

[scentedchildnacho]

I asked.....Them if they were going to take legal actions about the situation at compass....and he asked me why I would ask him that because I said you said you have a physical handicap about your teeth and they don't accomodate your handicap in any way....and he told me to realize that the staff doesn't understand that they have pushed people they don't actually know what's going on and need guardians they can't actually understand the difference between right and wrong

He told me to realize their used because their not competent to take legal actions towards

I just said the place is heretical from what I can see you have to take abuse to have more privileges and if you won't take more needles or more smoke or more intense tool massage or put trash all over yourself and dog then they don't give anything at all

And the staff just kind of pushes people to take abuse for them....

I also was like the place is treated like work place rules like ten o clock opening.....and they don't pay anyone to push them around the facility and expose them to carcinogens

And he was like....well this is just outreach so I was like well outreach is more based off an aids network and they spread needle use and dog mites and anything disgustingly Koch nasty

And she told me it's a market place and she has to pay them to do her sewing then take it out and make her money

So I was like the point of an outreach place would be to avoid you having to go do gay time

The point of safe meetings and counseling objectives are so you meet social objectives for pay instead of go back out to jobs and leave yourself available to the public for money

Because the technocracy to women in jobs can only cause disease no jobs here produce science and gainful employment

And she was like what would a safe meeting be.......so I told her it's what it sounds like a group talk meeting where you report important things you want to disclose to others so a counselor can start deciding how to regulate....and if you go report activity and symptoms it's like 20 dollars for being willing to start regulating your gay time

How often is put the dugas hand sanitizer on it replacing municipal water?

Then there could maybe be a select match service where people think about the size of LGBT communities and who is actually safe for people to work for because the general public is not your friend and it will surprise you about who is just out to feel injured by your production and sue you....

[batteredwarriorstillstanding]

You aren't gonna fucking do this shit....you're not. I know you told that other blogger that you have been attempting to accomodate my efforts to see and tt you, and that you also told her that you were pretty sure my story about being in love with you for years was just a big lie (#1...Despite the large number if my friends who are, tragically, no longer with us due, mostly, to the opioid epidemic, and a couple minor contributors, I can still find PLENTY of people who can vouch for me havibg been in love with you since the early 2000s, but more importantly, #2 why on earth would anyone claim that if it was not true....think about it. What have I ever attempted to gain from you?) I am hoping she was confused when she told me this, because it is simply untrue....as you know. I am always willing to meet with you. In fact, i insist upon doing so at least once in order for me to continue with this at all.....but, keep in mind that you have never directly agreed to do so. When you doxed yourself, it was on another site, and I recall you saying nothing to me, directly, or indirectly through other posts, to cluing me into the fact that you had done so. You have never IM'ed me. You havd never returned an IM. I will happily give you my number (though you obviously have it) I do not have your's. But, you KNOW of numerous ways you can reach me...knock it the fuck off with your bullshit "he doesnot care about me, everyone leaves me,i am alone...." I love you. I have yearned to be around you since summer. I don't want to date you,but that isn't because I love you any less than ever....if you demonstrated even the tiniest shred of willingness to consider my views and feelings, as opposed to simply demanding that I adjust to your's, I am sure you'd quickly make me change my mind here too.....so, as I said, Friday is the new end line. I hope we talk. If we don't, no hard feelings, but you don't get to spread falsehoods.