#(but listening to the audiobooks now i still think my take is very valid)

[littlestsnicket]

time of contempt!yenralt is geralt not trusting yennefer and being too scared of upsetting her to say it and sleeping with her anyway and the way netflix!geralt is different, that would never work.

i don't think the writers aren't fighting yennefer's arc in season 2 nearly as much as they are fighting this other version of geralt. and well... i wish some nuances of character interaction had gone a bit differently in season 2, but the thing that irritates me more than anything else in adaptations is when changes are made and the production backs off on them rather than following through. so whatever. i'm more interested to see what they do than anything else.

[thepinkscope]

PICK A CARD - What action could you take to upgrade your mindset/lifestyle?

Get a personal reading here

PILE 1 //

I definitely think the first action you can take is to persist through any low energy you may be feeling. You might not feel the best, and that's valid; however, it is in your best interest to know that you still (always) have what it takes to keep going.

Your life isn't over just because you're not at your best mentally! Try to adopt the mindset that, through whatever, you're always good. It's easier said than done, but you have a purpose. I don't care if you don't believe that, but one day you will find it and be completely shocked that you ever thought you didn't.

Forgive yourself for continuing to carry all the shame, guilt, and pain from past events that continuously drag you down when they no longer have to weigh down on your shoulders. You're so worthy of everything and more than you could hope for. Taking these actions would surely change your mindset during this time.

PILE 2 //

Your advice is very clear to me: start the morning strong! Create a morning routine that leaves you feeling positive, motivated, and intentional for the day ahead.

Sometimes we overlook the first hours of our day because of habit, but I promise you that creating changes in your morning routine could help you attract the kind of life you're looking to lead. For example, I try to take an hour-long walk every morning while listening to audiobooks; I have a hearty breakfast with the minerals and nutrients I need because I suffer from anaemia and other things that I would like to improve; I also journal and work on my mental diet (check out Neville Goddard's Mental diet to understand"), etc.

It's the little things that add up to life-changing transformations over time; try to put some effort into this time. It's worth it. You're worth it.

PILE 3 //

Relax. Honestly, just relax.

There are so many intense emotions and intense scenarios coming from your mind. All these fantasies involving other people are arguments playing in your head. It's fine, relax! You might be an overthinker, and that's fine, but the thing that would upgrade your mindset right now is at least knowing how to manage it.

You deserve a mind at peace. One way you can do this is to turn off the noise. Being disciplined when it comes to your brain or mind is hard, however. Write a list of things you keep repeating over and over in your mind that you'd like to stop habitually obsessing over.

And every time you find yourself in the midst of one of those things, take a breath and tell yourself that you're no longer engaging in this kind of talk.

Get a personal reading here

[sitpwgs]

Hi Cossette! Happy (belated) Pride Month and I hope you're having a wonderful first half of 2024 💖 This year has been keeping me busy (it was nevertheless eventful in a good way), hence the belated message following up from January.

I feel you! I also need to comb through my favourite albums & books to think about how I'd pair books / albums. After relistening & checking out different music releases I would go with the following:

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern: Bewitched by Laufey - this album dazzles just like the magic in the book 🤩 The tracks from Bewitch also radiate this vintage quality that I personally associate with the book's setting!

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon: If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power by Halsey! Just like the book, Halsey's 4th studio album has this expansive quality that features empowering female narratives.

Circe by Madeline Miller: The Loneliest Time by Carly Rae Jepsen & Where the Butterflies Go in the Rain by Raveena. Recurring theme from the book is about loss/grief and self-discovery/healing - something that both music albums also explore!

Sofi and the Bone Song by Adrienne Tooley: OUT OF THE BLUE by Brynn Cartelli & In The End It Always Does by The Japanese House - Brynn's debut album has this wintry feel to me that reminds me of the book's setting. Sofi's character arc is very much "returning to her muse" which is reminiscent of Amber when she was working on her sophomore album!

Heartstopper comic series: a mix of You Signed Up For This by Maisie Peters, Quarter-Life Crisis by Baby Queen, and Sour by Olivia Rodrigo!

Ahh this is a totally valid take regarding fantasy books! I can imagine that listening to someone narrating fantasy books being a more immersive experience. While I prefer reading in silence with a hardcopy I also feel that I sometimes need more time to process fancier writing style - though usually the effort will pay off later on!

P.S. Ahh thank you so much! I really enjoy finding parallels between different media - the realisation that many themes explored in my favourite pieces of media are universal & a shared experience 💖

jennifer!! hi friend! i hope you're well 🤍 happy belated pride month, happy june! i'm glad the first half of the year kept you busy in a good way! what were some highlights? you had your eras show already, right? i think you said you were going to london but i can't remember if it was the june dates or august!! how was it! how was it? 🤍

i am very :/// to say that i have not read a whole lot this year! i finally read lessons in chemistry and that was a new favorite, and finally read s. which i've been putting off for ages, but aside from that i feel like all i've been doing is audiobooking classics (my local library got hacked and took everything offline and somehow i got locked out of libby for like a month so the only audiobooks i could listen to were classics 💔). i'm currently making my way through the hunchback of the notre dame though! i'm hoping to finish that one soon!!

have you been reading anything good lately? i definitely want to get back into reading more soon! i've been very busy (and dealing with some stuff) and i feel like i haven't read a fantasy in a hot minute so i'll take any recs if you have them! i have technically been "annotating the starless sea" for ... over a year now (i stopped at page like, seven and never got back to it — which is a trend i think with some of my "annotation projects" for books i love, i get too overwhelmed and never finish it) but i do want to go back to it soon... maybe that's my "homework" for the rest of the year — to finish the annotation projects i've started (gatsby, normal people, the starless sea).

i think that pairing bewitched with the night circus is perfect!! and i really do like the if i can't have love i want power + priory combination! i still haven't read circe (it's been on my tbr cart for about two years now... if not longer... maybe i will get to it soon (unlikely)). and i still haven't read adrienne tooley! i think i meant to read sweet & bitter magic ages ago and never did 😭 definitely agree with heartstopper + baby queen + YSUFT + sour too!!

so lovely to hear from you as always <3333 i hope you're doing well and staying safe!

[anguisette90]

On today's episode of What Dresden Files Nonsense is Anguisette90 Contemplating Now Instead of Being a Functioning Adult?: the plot of Peace Talks doesn't actually hold up to scrutiny?

Okay, disclaimer to say that I know alot of people were really disappointed with PT/BG for a variety of reasons. I actually really enjoyed (for definitions of enjoyment that include feeling soul-crushing despair) them and while I think there were some valid complaints I just... don't care? Like, my enjoyment of the books is not significantly diminished in any way by any issues or flaws and, controversial opinion, I think it would have been a hot mess as one book. So, not to shit on Butcher's parade here. Great content as always and I appreciate it.

But I'm just about finished listening through the audiobooks for the first time and when you're right there in Harry's head it's not quite as obvious (or wasn't to me at least) but if you take a step back and analyze the events of Peace Talks, no one's reactions make sense.

Why is the number one assumption among the powers that be that Lara was behind Thomas's attack? Is that the obvious answer? Sure. But only if you don't know how the White Court operates. If the White Court wanted Etri dead, they wouldn't send a White Court vampire to do it. At the very least Lara wouldn't have sent someone as obvious as her own brother. And with the peace talks happening, surely every faction there should have had a reasonable suspicion that outside factions would try to sow chaos. I mean, look at what almost happened in Bombshells.

The Council is confused and suspicious about why Harry "I'll bond this nightmare island and stand off against the Senior Council to defend the man who has spent most of my adult life advocating for beheading me, because things don't add up to him being guilty and I'll find the truth even if it kills me" Dresden would be trying to investigate what happened with Thomas. I'd argue even if we never found out Thomas was his brother, even if they were never closer than they were in Grave Peril for that matter, Harry would still be investigating because nothing about the matter adds up.

The entire assembled Accorded nations should be like "Wow. Someone is clearly trying to make it look like the White Court is trying to kill the Svartalves. Maybe we should all be looking into this? This seems like a really obvious attempt to disrupt what we're doing here and we'll look foolish if we just pretend not to notice." Also, how was there not a "Hey Etri, no one is disputing your right to kill the assassin, but do you think maybe before you kill him we should let him heal up enough to try to get information from him? Sure, he wouldn't talk to your people, but he tried talking to Harry and you know that, so...?" conversation.

I'm not saying they would have figured it out before Ethniu showed up and took priority, but I am saying it's a little ridiculous that no one seemed to publicly challenge the idea that either Lara planned it or Thomas went rogue and personally decided Etri needed to die. Not because neither are capable of it, but because it doesn't make sense/isn't their MO.

[imagine-loki]

Guardian

TITLE: Guardian

CHAPTER NO./ONE-SHOT: One-shot

AUTHOR: fanfictrashdump

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: After the Chitauri attack on New York, imagine Loki being sentenced to public service on Earth, specifically in aiding people who got hurt during the attack. His magic has been limited to only be enough to aid keeping Odin’s spell in place so he wouldn’t turn blue. His task is to help people with special needs, to do house chores, help them get around, do their grocery and keep them company while they recover. He is assigned to a girl who ended up blind after one of the Chitauri shot at her. + Imagine sometimes when Loki is having a particularly bad day, he’ll sneak into your quarters, throw his head into your lap and put your hand in his hair so you can pet him. If it’s really bad, he’ll ask for you to tell him he’s doing a good job. 

RATING: T

NOTES/WARNINGS: Totally self-indulgent bit of fiction based on the thought that Charlie 1) is adorable, and 2) will 100% cut a bitch. Language! Also, I don’t know who needs to hear this but NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO MAKE YOU FEEL AWFUL OR MENTALLY ABUSE YOU!

=

Loki was not a stranger to bad days. He had managed to survive many in his thousand-plus year life, but in this mortal state the suffering seemed amplified. He felt it a little deeper, despite his best efforts to push it out of his mind.

Muttering under his breath, he stalked the length of the corridor in front of the door marked 502, head tilted up and blinking rapidly to will away the dampness accumulating on his eyelashes. He couldn’t bring himself to open the door until he had gotten himself under control. He didn’t need to bring this dark mood into the flat with him. He didn’t need to burden her with his worries. He was meant to be Charlie’s strength, and this whole ordeal just…

His breath shuddered with the exhale.

Gods, that woman was nasty.

Sure, he understood people’s negative feelings for him. He had destroyed their city. Not of his own volition, mind, which was why Stark felt perfectly comfortable and letting him roam the land with minimal supervision. Or, at least, he did now. But this viper of a woman on his rounds was perfectly content to verbally abuse him over every single detail for no reason. Loki swallowed the venom on his tongue, aware that he would only make matters worse, should he snap back with the same general maliciousness she did him. In a strange turn of events, he was now mostly unsure about whether he would be able to get a word out without sounding like a pitiable mess.

“Fuck. Get it together,” he breathed.

Loki dug the heels of his palms into his eye sockets, pressing down until he saw stars behind his lids. He took another steadying breath and dropped his hands, feeling well enough in himself that he could unlock the front door and let himself in.

The flat was dark in the early evening light. Soft music played in the background at a volume he was sure he wouldn’t be able to perceive were he not from another realm. Charlie was sitting on the sofa, book discarded haphazardly beside her as she swayed gently. Braille, as they both had discovered, was not Charlie’s strong suit, and though she had picked up on the alphabet quickly enough, it all fell apart when they were strung together in sentences. He had suggested audiobooks, she had stubbornly told him she was learning if it were the last thing she did. It was still a work in progress.

“Lo?” Her voice broke his reverie and drew a sigh from his lips.

“Hello, darling,” he whispered, taking her face between his hands and kissing her soundly before flopping down beside her.

Loki shuffled until his head was resting on her lap. His eyes drew closed on their own accord, and he awkwardly patted around him until he found her hand. Pressing a short kiss to her knuckles, he guided her delicate fingers into his choppy, dark tresses, in a well-practiced request. She buried the digits at once, gently scraping at his scalp as he turned boneless on her thighs. Her other hand smoothed down his forehead before they stilled on his cheekbones. Lifting the hand slightly, her fingers rubbed together for a fraction of a second before they returned to his face.

Charlie sighed. “What happened?” Loki clenched his jaw so hard his teeth ached. Swallowing down a whine, he shook his head in refusal, pulling another sigh out of her. “Was it Mrs. Herder?” He remained still for a long while before he gave a reluctant nod.

Loki’s eyes dared to peek through his lashes only to find Charlie’s gentle features curled into an uncharacteristic snarl. With her wild, curly mane, he momentarily thought she looked a little like a lion. A very cross lion.

“I’m going to fucking kill her,” she hissed, shifting to get to her feet. Loki had to scramble to put his arms around her waist to pull her back to the cushion with a little huff.

“Charlotte–”

“The third time! This is the third time she’s made you cry. This. Week. I am going to murder her!” She announced, as if it were a perfectly valid explanation.

“Charlie, it’s fine.”

Charlie’s head snapped toward him, hazel eyes landing on his form with remarkable precision. “It is not fine. It wasn’t fine when I made you cry the once, much less some old hag who does it every week! You’re not here to get abused–”

His hands played with hers in an anxious fidget. He hadn’t met to make her upset with whatever issues he was having. “Honestly, I’m just overreacting.”

“STOP. Just stop, Loki.” Loki froze, though he wasn’t entirely sure why he was being told to be still. “You’re allowed to be upset. You’re allowed to speak up for yourself.” Her face was becoming more flushed with anger the more she became impassioned.

Oh, she meant to stop–Norns, emotions were complicated.

“But–”

“NO! NO BUTS! FULL STOP!”

Loki flinched away from her roar. He swallowed, sinking further into the sofa, hoping to disappear into the fabric. He was aware he would have to say something to convey his discomfort, but he felt like such a weakling needing to do so. “Could… could we not yell at me right now?” He asked, almost shyly.

Her face relaxed instantly at his tone and he was glad to see her come back from the brink of the homicidal rage that threatened to consume her. “Shit. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Charlie cooed, crawling across the couch until she was flush against him, arms around his shoulders. She pressed his head to her body. Loki gratefully nuzzled into her neck as he tightened his own arms around her, the feel of her thudding heartbeat against his chest lulling him into calm. He shuddered as Charlie kissed his crown. “I’m sorry. I just love you, and–”

“W-what?”

She sighed. “I get a little worked up about–”

“No, not–” Loki interrupted her again, pulling back slightly. “You love me?”

Charlie frowned. “Oh. Yeah, of course.”

The matter-of-factly way that she said it made Loki’s heart stutter to a near stop. The realization hit her when she noticed Loki’s breath no longer warmed her neck, despite him not having moved.

“Ohh. You didn’t know that. How did you not know that?”

Loki watched as her nose scrunched in that way it did whenever there was something that didn’t quite make sense. He usually saw it in reference to some part of her code not working.

“Guess I need to be better at telling you.”

He had paid no mind to anything she had said after her admittance, his brain having shorted out. “I love you.” His voice was soft and somewhat choked. He never thought he’d give himself permission to let those words slip out. Then again, he didn’t think he’d give himself permission to actually feel them, either. “I love you. I love you,” he chanted, tucking his head under her chin and embracingly bone-crushingly tight, once more.

Charlie wound her fingers into his waves, listening to how his voice turned from a hoarse whisper to a near purr, even though the front of her shirt became damp with tears.

“I know you do, babe.” She peppered kisses onto the top of his head, secretly relishing at the fact that she rarely got to dote on him in such a way. It was a refreshing change of pace. Loki deserved to be taken care of, too, every now and again.

“I’m sorry,” he managed to sputter somewhat pitifully, wiping at his eyes with his hands.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. You just stay there and take as long as you need to feel better,” she murmured, gently. “And once you do, I will pick up the phone and give that horrid, old witch the what for.” Loki chuckled, despite himself, a deep rumble that reverberated through Charlie in a pleasant echo. His insides melted with every stroke of her hands over his scalp and down his neck, a pleasantly possessive air to the whole ordeal. “No one messes with my Loki. No one. Understood?”

“Yes, darling.” Loki grinned against her neck, feeling all of a sudden like a peacock with all its feathers ruffling in display, preening at the attention from a mate. “But, please, don’t make a fuss on my account,” he added, out of politeness more than anything. He surely wasn’t supposed to encourage this behavior, he guessed.

Charlie snorted. “We’ll see.” The ambiguous phrase sounded much more like a resolute not fucking likely. He would never admit that it pleased him even more.

Loki immediately decided that it was nice to have a defender; a guardian. That woman wouldn’t know what hit her once Charlie was through with her. Good.

[ifuckinglovestvincent]

LATIMES: For St. Vincent, life under COVID has meant recording a soul-baring podcast and binging on Stalin

Annie Clark, who performs as St. Vincent, in her home studio: “I divide my life into albums.” [Leah Lehrer]

By RANDALL ROBERTS

STAFF WRITER

AUG. 26, 2020 2:15 PM

During a recent conversation, Annie Clark, the Grammy-winning musician who performs as St. Vincent, confessed that she had, quite literally, nothing else scheduled for the day. She had awakened, she explained, knowing that her only obligation would occur at precisely 2 p.m.

“The crazy thing is, because there’s nothing to divide a day, having anything on the calendar to do feels almost overwhelming,” she said. “Like, what am I going to do now that I have this one 20-minute thing that must happen at this specific time? It’s very strange. It’ll be interesting to go back, in some way, to all the spinning plates.”

On Monday, Clark’s new audio project, “St. Vincent: Words + Music,” premieres on Audible, the online audiobook and podcast platform. A 90-minute first-person deep dive into her life and music, the program is interspersed with revelatory new versions of some of St. Vincent’s most popular songs. She offers a fresh rendition of 2007’s “Marry Me,” for example, that highlights dizzying string arrangements absent from the original version.

For St. Vincent obsessives, these versions are essential listens, as are her recollections on her early years as part of the Texas music collective the Polyphonic Spree and her decision to embark on a solo career under a pseudonym. For passing fans, Clark’s conversational way of speaking about the evolution of her work across six studio albums (including “Love This Giant,” her 2012 collaboration with David Byrne) provides a glimpse into her creative methods. An artist whose work has evolved from guitar-driven indie rock to increasingly experimental work filled with electronics and vocal effects, St. Vincent’s music has at this point transcended genre.

The project is part of Audible’s “Words + Music” series, which includes “Patti Smith at the Minetta Lane,” James Taylor’s “Break Shot,” Common’s “Bluebird Memories: A Journey Through Lyrics & Life” and Rufus Wainwright’s “Road Trip Elegies: Montreal to New York.”

Clark, 37, recently spoke to The Times from her home in Los Angeles.

“I have this theory,” says St. Vincent, “that people who are creative for a living were really dumbstruck, creatively, by the pandemic.” [Leah Lehrer]

How much podcast and audiobook listening do you typically do?

I’m obsessed with podcasts and audiobooks. I probably listen to more audiobooks than I do music. I mean, I certainly listen to music — for enjoyment, for research, for just making sure I know what is happening. Luckily, maybe because I’m a musician, I can retain a lot of information that comes through on the auditory side. I mean, I’ve really been brushing up on my Stalin.

You’ve brushed up on your Stalin?

It makes me feel much better about where we are today. Because they had it bad.

It’s pretty bad now.

It’s really bad now. But it was worse. I’ll go ahead and say it was worse in Stalin’s Russia. So there we are. That makes me feel bright and sunny. I’ve been on a real saucy Gulag Stalin kick for the past many months. Cold war, espionage — all of it.

You want to recommend any specific podcasts or books?

Oh God, we shouldn’t be talking about Stalin. This is already a disaster. I haven’t done this in a minute, you know what I mean? I don’t have my talking points all figured out.

I hope this isn’t a disaster.

No, but if we lead with Stalin, it’s not going to go well for me. Let’s talk about this Audible thing, because it was a lovely experience. It was fun to take old songs and reinvent them. There’s a version of “Digital Witness” on this that’s really funky and I love it. I’m glad they gave me a reason to look at my back catalog and reinvent some old songs.

Did you enjoy the process of recalling where you were in your life during various points?

I did. I divide my life into albums, instead of the other markers of time that most people have. I can go, “Oh, I was in the middle of this tour, and this is what was going on in my life and this is what I was writing about as a result.” That part of it was kind of an archaeological dig.

You reveal a few experiences in the program about your family and private life. I didn’t know, for example, about your father’s white-collar crimes, which landed him in prison in the early ’00s. Did you have any hesitation about engaging with parts of your life that aren’t related to your music?

I would have a long time ago, and I certainly did while it was all going on. I’ve always wanted people to enjoy and take in my music for what the music was. I don’t want it to be like a piece of art on the wall that needs an explanation in order to enjoy it. I want it to be enjoyed and interpreted on its own merit. I don’t think that it makes art more valid because it came from really horrible circumstances. I don’t necessarily want to mythologize something that’s actually quite normal. Things happen. And the crazy thing is to expect otherwise.

I think that in the past I felt way more protective of my family and my privacy because he was still in there. But since then, he’s been released, and we have a great relationship. It’s been a wonderful story of reconciliation, change, forgiveness, all those things. That’s why I feel fine about throwing it out there, because frankly, it had the happiest possible ending.

Another story you share is about being groped during a performance while you were stage-diving, and reacting by hitting the fan with your microphone. Have you stopped stage-diving since that happened?

Yes, stage-diving in that particular way. During the “Strange Mercy” tour, I was straight up hurling myself into the crowd and getting some pretty sick dives in. But then during the “St. Vincent” tour, I was definitely going into the crowd but more like jumping on the backs of security guards and running through that way. I still love the fan interaction. It’s not necessarily the end of my stage-diving days.

A lot of creative people I know are having a hard time with their muse right now. How are you doing with that?

I’m doing OK. It’s been a really productive time, but in a different way. I have this theory that people who are creative for a living were dumbstruck, creatively, by the pandemic, because we all need an element of chaos in our day to be able to grab inspiration. I know that’s a cheesy word, but we need to be able to be walking down the street, see that strange thing that somebody did and think about it, metabolize it and write about it.

People who are creative for a living have had a very hard time being creative during the pandemic. But a lot of people who aren’t necessarily creative for a living are like, “It’s a great time. I’ve finally learned how to knit and I finally wrote that short story that I‘d been meaning to do.” My informal poll of my fellow writers is that they’re banging their heads against the wall. But other people learned how to crochet or how to play “Sweet Home Alabama,” and that’s awesome.

Have you considered how you might present yourself as a performer going forward if, because of the coronavirus, the concert experience evolves into something unrecognizable?

I think about it every day. I wouldn’t imagine that things will ever be exactly back to normal, in terms of live touring. There’s a whole lot of other ways to get creative about how to reach people. And not just how to reach people but have the actual intimacy and energetic exchange of a show. The need for that kind of communion isn’t going to go away. I don’t think that’ll ever go away. It’s going to change, and it’s changed many times over the course of history. But yes, I think about it every day.

I think things that people love, they’re going to love even more, and they aren’t going to fall for things that they don’t love. Everything’s been put into sharp focus. Everybody’s figured out, more and more, what they actually need and what they don’t in these crazy times. I certainly don’t mean to minimize the actual human condition on the ground. But I think it’s going to be an exciting time for art. And that’s a silver lining.

[moonyeclipses]

Kaminari Denki hc’s I have (+ basically canon things)

Kami is an extremely affectionate person, he loves making friends and being outgoing towards everyone, and if he knows they’re comfortable he’ll be extremely touchy with them, he’s the type to just grab onto someone like hold their hands or something randomly because he just wants to, other examples are, holding Ojiro’s tail, grabbing onto Bakugo when scared (ova), that one time he put his hand on Kiri’s face to shut him up and then kept it there for a while

Kami has no set music taste! He loves every type and it just depends on how he’s feeling that day, his normal is rock and tends to lean that way but honestly he could listen to anything and enjoy it, other than Jirou he’s probably the person you’d want to go to when it comes to music! Especially if you want playlists, I could picture him being bored and then making everyone in his class + extra friends their own specialized playlist to what he thinks they’d enjoy

He’s bi! Don’t get me wrong he loves women, obviously, but he 100% isn’t opposed to dating a man either, honestly he just kinda wants love (going back to him being very affectionate)

Continuing on that he flirts with everyone, for Girls hes more straight forward like “you look nice today” etc but he’d do it with guys too, “you have the nice face a lot of girls are attracted to” “you were so cool during training today dude! You looked so badass” it’s more subtle but he genuinely means it, and to him, flirting isn’t always romantic either, it’s just, complimenting but with a bit more behind it, if he knew someone were uncomfortable by it he would stop

Speaking of “uncomfortable”, Kami May be a flirt like Mineta but he has morals, he knows consent is sexy 🥴 (JSNDNF sorry-) and the moment someone was like “hey please leave me alone” he would! And also be careful around said person until he can understand the boundaries better!

He is close with Mineta, but not as much as you may think. Kiri and Bakugo are his best friends, but he’s one of the few people who can actually handle Mineta, another being Sero, but Kami also being a flirt, and probably feeling bad if Mineta had no one at all hangs out with him a lot, and is probably the reason Mineta hasn’t pulled off worse stuff (you can tell when it’s the two acting together it isn’t bad, but Mineta alone is when he gets out of hand) (Ex: Kami and Mineta with the cheerleading uniforms, going to the pool, checking the girls out in formal wear vs. mineta climbing the wall to the girls side, peeking through the hole in the wall, almost suggesting something “topless” for girls, and saying he couldn’t wait to see Eri in 10 years) Kami is actually calming him down!

He loves thunderstorms! He can actually sense when there’s one coming just by the electricity in the air. Storms actually fire him up and make him super energized and awake, more hyper than usual. He sometimes likes to lay out on the dorm roof soaking it all in, and unless he tries to take in electricity the lightning won’t strike him

He’s a gamer, and quite a good one at that, Pokémon being his first ever videogame due to the fact a kid when he was a child pointed out he was like Pikachu. The idea that he was like a famous mascot to something made him extremely happy and immediately latched onto the game, now he genuinely enjoys it for what it is and owns every game. He does main in electric types but he loves other Pokémon as well. Mareep is actually his favorite, Pikachu jokes aside.

Despite the low grades he’s actually extremely smart! One of the smartest students in class actually, and this one is confirmed! Kami cant focus Well in class and just didn’t care too much about his grades at the beginning. After he started studying with Momo and stuff he got a set study habit and brought his grades significantly higher

I do HC that Kami has ADHD/Dyslexia, Ojiro’s tail is his current major fidget “toy” to help him focus in class

And despite the dyslexia English is his best subject! He’s one of Present Mic’s best students and secretly enjoys reading a lot, I like to think he usually listens to audiobooks because its hard to focus and read a physical book in front of him but he still tries time to time!

He’s basically as close to Bakugo as Kiri is. Kiri’s the official “equal” to Bakugo’s eyes(meaning strength and ability as well), but Kami is just as much as a FRIEND to bakugo as Kiri is, he’s not so much in the healthy rivalship they have but more so the person to hang out with both of them and- well- be friends lmao

After the concert he continued practicing guitar with Jirou. As a music lover he always wanted to play an instrument but never really thought he could do it, but he saw an opportunity to try and he took it, after realizing he’s actually pretty good at it he continued to practice with her and they have frequent jam sessions

Like how I mentioned hes very outgoing and such, he actively tries to be friends with everyone in 1-A plus a few additional people. He does take time to get to know every single person individually and hang out with them as much as he can. He doesn’t want anyone to be left out and just enjoys having people to talk to

He’s constantly letting out electricity. I like to believe that Kami is just constantly producing electricity in his body and it just keeps building up. Like when he lets out too much as one time, if he holds in too much he can basically combust with extreme power and then short circuit. So to prevent that he’s constantly letting it out, very subtly, if you were to touch him you could feel the slight buzz and the hair on your arm would rise. Another way he does it is by letting it out of his feet, like if he’s walking outside, he releasing the electricity into the ground

He 100% has a Tik Tok, no further comment

He and Mina actually do them together a lot and have tons of followers and likes, they love to film the shenanigans of the Bakusquad

As much as he complains about being a phone charger he actually doesn’t mind it for 3 major reasons (and a few others but these 3 mainly): It helps him let out electricity cause of how it stores up in his body, it gives him time to practice controlling his quirk and letting out a certain amount of wattage, and just cause he loves his friends and doing things for them and it is an easy thing for him to do

Yes he can use his mouth to charge the phones, but ✨germs✨ so he tends not to and the only times he does is when someone annoys him and he wants to get back at them so he grosses them out by sticking their phone in his mouth with the excuse “his hands were too busy”

There’s an emergency generator in the dorms because him causing the power to go out happens more often then you may think

Speaking of which he has multiple triggers on doing so: extremely overwhelmed, scared (someone jump scares him), extremely excited, holding in too much electricity for the day, sometimes it just kinda happens in his sleep (he’s gotten better at that)

He’ll take any dare during truth or dare, my man isn’t a scaredy cat

He goes clothes shopping with Jirou

He can sing! I love the idea he has a really soothing voice but doesn’t feel the need to sing openly at all, so no one knows this, Jirou might tho

He loves onesies and would live in them if he could (currently owns 4: Pikachu, Jolteon, Hamster, Otter)

He’s a Hufflepuff! 💛

Going back to his love for reading, his all time favorite series is Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus, I saw someone make a comment about how him seeing demigod kids who have ADHD and Dyslexia as well as powers as strong as his (he’s biased and loves any kid of Zeus/Jupiter, but his favorite is Leo despite that) the whole thing made him feel extremely validated and quickly became obsessed when he first read it

Those are all the ones I can think of atm, but I’ll probably add more in the future

@weebunfinishedoddle

[brandjchilds]

2020 👉🏾 2021

I spent the last two weeks doing some introspection and writing about my 2020 experience (I paid Justin Timberlake to say that.)

From the jump, I felt like the 2020 tagline “a year of clarity” was so corny, but I bet you’re a little more clear on some important things after this year. I had no choice but to be.

Loss figured out how to affect everyone this year, in abstract ways, and in very visceral, tangible, sobering ways.

Pain was available to all who were alive long enough to experience more than a month of 2020.

Most of us would say 2020 gave us that work.

Let’s not get it twisted though, 2019 wasn’t nothing to write home about, but this year made me feel like I wish I could go back to sleep to finish that dream.

The very nature of having to stay home, being stripped of so many distractions that created false senses of comfort and security showed me that there’s a lot of character that has been built up in me, and that there’s still a lot of building to do.

I was more in my head this year than any other year that I can remember. Which coincided pretty spectacularly with the uptick in my dating activity this year. Somehow, I was both more bold, and more in my own head.

I talked to some girls AND got dates with some girls that a previous version of me would’ve thought I had no business being looked at by. Truly intimidatingly attractive, extraordinarily brilliant and kindhearted women that pre-2020 me wouldn’t have even headfaked at (yeah, I’m patting myself on the back for that).

Something I noticed about one of the lovely young women that I talked to early this year is that she had this sense that she had grown to the place where she was putting the majority of the weight of her trust in God and leaving it there. Trusting the provider and not the provisions. And that seemed to cause this overwhelmingly serene self security to radiate out of her. I’m still figuring that out, for sure.

This was also another year where I struggled with hiding many of the most passionate parts of myself in public spaces, in an effort to move closer to appropriate transparency and away from codependent vulnerability. In some ways, I think this worked well to keep myself from getting hurt as much, along with creating healthier connections with people (the goal), but there’s still some attenuation to be done, because in some instances, I definitely over corrected and felt myself becoming less interesting, and less available for any kind of connection at all.

In my closest relationships, I felt myself leveling up my inquisitive nature, showing my love in bigger ways to the people I’ve stated my love for, and intentionally finding more ways to show up for my people.

In addition, I’ve had more “in-game” experience with the difference between hurt versus harm as it relates to boundaries and communication in relationships. Learning to love myself well by taking up space in that way.

I learned that I can actually tolerate conflict that feels even remotely productive.

Oh! Also, I’ve discovered something pretty major about myself: The greatest gift someone could give me is an environment of peace, joy and conversational fluidity. That’s all I want ever in all of life.

I was met with more of the realities of “both-and”, as opposed to objective extremism one way or another.

The relativity of words and time became that much more apparent to me. I was telling my sister that there were so many dope things I experienced in January and February of 2020 that somehow felt closer to the present than, say, George Floyd, or my first official relationship, Tiger King or my therapy breakthroughs. Speaking of...

Some breakthroughs in therapy and meditation have allowed me to put more space between external stimuli and the choice of my response. (And the role of distraction in this whole continuum, which is the enemy of mindfulness - part of why I’m taking this social media break.)

Closely related to the above thought, I heard this quote that said something like, “if you think of every thought as a package, the packages might come to your door, but if the package isn’t for you, don’t sign for it!” I’ve also chosen to apply this to thoughts that illicit even the strongest emotional responses. Very subversive, I know.

This time last year, I was with my family in Atlanta, talking about the things I wanted to achieve, character wise, in 2020, and now looking back at that list, I realize I can’t really check anything off. But I also realize that that was never the point. My sights were set on the wrong thing. The point of the journey is to keep becoming. Pay attention to how what you’re doing now is facilitating or detracting from what you hope to be. And then, if you find you’re on track, make peace with the process. This is one of many spiritual practices I want to reconnect with in 2021.

In addition to that, I’ve dropped the expectation for anyone, including myself, to fully be anything, really. However, I do need the people in my closest circle/prime seats of influence to be at least growing in their awareness as active participants in who they’re becoming. How they might be able to continue functionally evolving. Consistently considering what the desired outcome of their life might be.

Something else that learnt me: It is possible to apologize too much, and it is probable that I have lol. The reason, so I have discovered, is that it can cause you to behave apologetically for who you are, which has been quite the lifelong problem for your boy 😁.

By the way, I still have doubts in my faith (I guess that’s inherent in the word “faith”, right?), but they’re not (currently) overwhelming questions about God’s goodness or about why so many religious people have been allowed to make it their business to commandeer and distort the foundational ethic of love. Admittedly, the questions I have are much simpler, but I believe they’re valid, and worth inquisition.

I found a way to finish 3 pilots this past year, despite going through the biggest heartbreak of my life, seismic family turmoil and the existential stress of this pandemic. Idk how “good” those scripts are, but that’s really not the point. Shooters shoot and writers write.

I was recently reminded that, while living a creative life comes inherently with a level of fear, I don’t have to allow that fear to ever be the reason I don’t do or try things.

I pushed through my ADD, and reclaimed the discipline of sitting down and reading physical books.

I also listened to a bunch of audiobooks and even more podcasts. Favorite genres are pop-psychology/human behavior, dating, and of course, basketball.

I got help from some friends moving into a newly renovated, beautiful house in Glendale. No lie, I was a little shook to be in Simi Valley after Trump lost, and thankfully, we ended up moving like a week before the results came in (the first time).

I’ve been blessed to be bolstered by a new accountability group of Black men that are always available for support, and fully bought in on my progression in life, sometimes even more than I am.

I also witnessed just how truly down for me my circle of people are, on the heels of... some really tough stuff. So many people made it a point to show up for me, at the drop of a hat, with calls of encouragement, texts to reinstill confidence in me, and COVID-safe hangs to just physically be present with me through it all. I got some top shelf individuals in my life...

And at the end of a year like this, the most sobering things that have made their way back to front and center for me have been: how much relationships matter and the true brevity of life. Having faced that brevity fairly closely due to COVID’s effects on loved ones, and personally, with my own past health scare, I’m re-upping on the conscious decision to be an illuminative presence in my relationships. To be better about being consistently involved in my people’s lives, which as an introvert can sometimes cost me the very last morsels of my energy. To be more curious and open hearted when relating to people who think and believe differently than me. To continue to build myself up so that I can become someone who both healthily processes emotions and difficulty while safeguarding against rumination and wallowing, so I can be more emotionally available for the people in my life (my fellow Enneagram 4s know all about that struggle). Life’s much too brief for me to be any other way.

Anywho, there are some big things on the horizon, known and unknown, and I need space to be ready. So, social media homies, I’ll see you in 45 days (or, you know, hit me up if you want to see me before then).

#HappyNewYear

[erinoddly]

Okay, I fumed about this some in the rant I just posted and then deleted, but let’s talk more about this specific issue:

English scholars and gatekeeping literature.

More specifically: Upholding outdated values of what makes a piece of literature ‘worthwhile,’ in this case specifically surrounding collegiate English communities. I’m aware that there are more than likely others outside of the college community who feel the same, but I’m going to talk about what I know.

Last semester in one of my classes, a debate started up. This debate was surrounding the following statement said by one of my classmates:

“Ebooks, self-publishing, and fanfiction are killing literature.”

At first, I thought that there was no way that statement would stand. I mean, it seems so outdated. But the thing was, only a couple of my classmates tried to argue against it. Almost everyone in the class agreed. And among those who did argue, the majority argued against the ebook point, one or two argued against the self-publishing point, and no one argued against the fanfiction point. I was the only person in my class who tried to argue against all three of the above points. And I’m pretty sure that the other people who argued against any of the points....weren’t English majors....

I became an English major thinking that people who studied literature did so because they had an appreciation for it. And I had always had this naive view of the world, where people would want the things they appreciate to be shared with a wide audience, not locked away where only a select few can enjoy it. I thought that this would be especially true for English majors, since so many of our discussions are about the roles and treatment of minorities in society, about classism, about equality.

But instead, I came across more people than I would have liked who seem to actively want to keep literature out of certain hands just because they have a list of criteria of what makes a piece of writing ~*worthwhile literature*~ and if it doesn’t hit every criteria, then it’s worthless and “killing literature” (and trust me, that phrase has me rolling my eyes so hard it hurts. Humans have always been storytellers and we always will be. Literature isn’t dying any time soon. Only your outdated ideals of what it ‘should’ be are.)

So. Let’s start with the idea that Ebooks are killing literature.

The classmate who said this works at a locally owned used bookstore. So I wholeheartedly understand the idea that online shopping is killing local businesses and that being able to buy books in an electronic format is making people less likely to buy physical copies, especially at smaller bookstores. That’s a valid fear that a lot of people have. And I’m not going to get into whether or not that’s factually correct because that isn’t the point (also I’m too lazy to find the research on it.)

The fact is, whether or not they’re killing small bookstores, ebooks make literature more accessible.

My mother has bad eyesight and needs a new prescription on her glasses. But she doesn’t have insurance and can’t get in to see an optometrist. But she absolutely adores reading. So guess what happened when I told her she could get the Kindle app for free on her computer? She lit up like a Christmas tree. It’s so much easier for her to read because 1. she doesn’t have to bend over a physical book and hurt her back and 2. she can make the font as large as she needs to in order to not strain her eyes. She also found books from her favorite authors that were electronic only. And yeah, there are a lot of ethical dilemmas about Amazon. I’m not saying there aren’t. But ebooks can be a better alternative for people with bad eyesight. And there are probably plenty of other disabilities that ebooks help with. Hell, I prefer ebooks sometimes because there’s so much more you can do with a computer interface that makes note taking, highlighting, bookmarking, using indexes, etc. so much easier than a physical copy of a book.

But, you know, it’s funny that my classmates (who are usually young and have decent eyesight) don’t complain about audiobooks killing literature as well. Even though a lot of them prefer listening over reading. But then again, a lot of them find the books they want to read for free on youtube and listen to them there instead of buying an audiobook. But I guess that’s okay.

This isn’t even bringing up the point that ebooks are less expensive than physical books. I grew up poor. To me, buying a new book is a luxury. So I get new books way less often than I would like to because I feel like I can’t justify the expense. I mean...upwards of $20-$30? For one book? But I can get ebooks online for $1-$5 sometimes. It’s so much easier to justify buying a new ebook every now and then than it is a physical book, though I still like to buy in person when I can.

Now the next point: Self-publishing

Okay. This one hits hard. My class was discussing this one as if the only authors who self-publish are the ones who were too awful to be accepted by traditional publishers. Which is bullshit. I’m not going to get much into this point because I’m writing this on a writeblr account and this community has talked a lot about traditional vs self publishing and I’m not going to rehash the same arguments.

But there are a couple of things I want to bring up.

Not everything that’s traditionally published is good literature. *cough*50shadesofgraygettingpickedupbyapublishingcompany*cough* And not everything that’s self-published is awful. One of my favorite series of all time was self-published. And sure, it’s got its flaws, but so does any piece of literature.

Getting published traditionally isn’t a matter of skill. You can be a great writer and never get picked up by a publisher if you’re not writing the right thing at the right time or if you’re not lucky or this or that or whatever. And there are some not so great authors who do get published.

And let’s be honest. The publishing industry is a complete mess in need of an overhaul right now. There have been at least two diversity scandals that I’ve heard of just within the last few months, one of which was making major headlines. And this definitely throws a wrench into the ‘getting traditionally published’ idea, especially for authors of color, LGBT authors, or authors that are trying to bring more diversity into mainstream literature. If you aren’t meeting a white man’s ideals of what diversity should be and are lucky enough to get picked to be their token diverse author of the year, you’re not going to get much in the way of marketing, if you’re even lucky enough to get published to begin with. But most of the diversity issues are around POC specifically and I feel like it isn’t my place as a white woman to talk about this any more than I already have.

And even with all this in mind, some people choose to self-publish over traditional publishing. It doesn’t automatically mean that they got rejected and took it upon themselves to share their masterpiece with the world despite the publishing industry telling them it’s a piece of shit, or whatever the gatekeepers think.

And the last point: Fanfiction

okay. listen. i’m done with this argument. we shouldn’t have to defend the existence of fanfiction. and I’m tired of arguing with people over whether or not it’s a literary genre or not. because it is. end of story. i’m not taking any criticism at this time, thank you.

It opens the door to new writers.

Some readers are more likely to read about characters they already know rather than trying to get to know brand new characters, but can also serve as a gateway to introducing to people to reading literature.

Some fanfics are written better than a lot of traditionally published literature than I’ve read.

Fanfic writers don’t even get paid, even when they crank out a fanfic longer than a novel. Like? What saints

It feels like, and I may be wrong but, fanfic writers tend to have more consistent one-on-one interaction with fans and those fans (no offense) in some cases tend to be...how do I say this....extremely entitled.

People have been writing fanfiction for who knows how long. It isn’t exactly new. But just as the internet is making it easier to access traditional literature, it’s making it easier to access fanfiction as well.

And a host of other things. FANFICTION IS NOT KILLING LITERATURE YOU PRETENTIOUS ASSHATS. YOU JUST WANT TO PRETEND THE ONLY FANFIC WRITERS ARE CRINGEY PRETEENS WHO DON’T KNOW HOW TO WRITE. And you know what?? So what if preteens are writing fanfic? That doesn’t mean it has no literary value. And it’s teaching them lessons and helping curate and improve their creative writing skills. It’s like you expect writers to just pop out of the womb with a quill in hand, a cigarette between their lips, twirling their fucking handlebar mustache as they discuss the value of metaphors in Paradise Lost with the doctor before writing a masterpiece as their family takes them home from the hospital for the first time.

TLDR; we can’t argue that something is ‘killing literature’ when literature isn’t dying. The medium is shifting with the times, just like everything else, while some people’s close-minded ideas of what constitutes ‘good’ or ‘worthwhile’ literature is stagnant. It’s irresponsible, as literary scholars, to gatekeep literature. All you’re doing, in the end, is shaming people out of reading in general, let alone reading what you believe are the correct things to read in the correct ways of reading them. You can’t argue the value of minorities, class differences, and diversity in literature and then also try and claim that only certain types of literature are allowed, when narrowing down those types blocks the very people you believe literature is supposed to uplift from accessing it.

[lightsburnbrite]

The Devil is in the Details: Part 6

“No…Mama…Please listen…” Karina frowned as her mother went on scolding her over the phone. “Mama, we are coming to visit, just on Christmas day. We’re going to see Leon’s family on Christmas eve so he can be there when the kids open their presents.”

Karina glanced over at Leon who was smiling smugly, enjoying that her mother was giving her a hard time.  

“Yes, I am going to visit Leon’s family with him…Because he’s my husband…my marriage certificate says so.”

Flopping down on the sofa next to Leon, Karina rolled her eyes.

It didn’t take long for Marius to find out that she and Leon had gotten married but Karina begged her brother to let her be the one to tell her parents. Their father took the news in stride, welcoming Leon into their family but as Karina had anticipated, their mother had a different response. It wasn’t as though she held anything against Leon, her refusing to acknowledge their marriage was simply down to the fact that Karina and Leon didn’t have a wedding.

“Mama, we’ll see you in a few days. Goodbye.”

Leon laughed now as he realized Karina had hung up the phone on her mother.

Karina slumped down on the sofa next to him and just shook her head. “She is impossible sometimes.”

“I was thinking,” Leon draped an arm around Karina’s shoulder as he kissed her forehead. “There is the Ramsau church.”

Turning to face Leon, she knitted her brows. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, your mother is upset because we didn’t have wedding, right? So what if we have a small wedding next summer and then go back to the big house for dinner?” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m talking parents, siblings and my sister’s kids. That’s all. Then she couldn’t complain anymore.”

Karina rolled her eyes before resting her head on his shoulder. “Don’t you know by now that my mother will always find something to complain about?”

Leon raised an eyebrow as if that wasn’t a valid answer.

With a sigh, Karina closed her eyes and nodded. “Let me think about it, ok?”

Once they landed in Düsseldorf, Leon’s sister picked them up at the airport. It gave Leon a chance to catch up but it also gave Karina plenty of time to think about how she still had yet to spend any real amount of time with his family. Any time that they had spent together before had always gone well enough but Karina couldn’t help but feel like Leon would like them to be more friendly and less formal. She took a small bit of comfort in knowing that Leon would never force the issue but she wanted him to be happy with her relationship with his family.

“Hey.”

Karina hadn’t realized they had stopped, it was Leon’s voice that brought her back out of her thoughts. Turning towards him, she gave a slight smile as she shrugged.

“You’ll be fine.” Leon rested his hand against her cheek. “They love you, you know that.”

Karina pressed her lips together. “But your grandparents are going to be here too. I’ve never met them so you can’t tell me that they love me.”

“But they will.” He gave her a playful little shake. “Trust me, you’re overthinking things.”

Letting out a sigh, she finally allowed herself to nod. “Ok.”

Leon smiled before he leaned in to give her a kiss. “I love you. That’s all that matters.”

As soon as they walked into his parent’s house, Linus came running over but stopped short. “Where’s Elsa?”

Karina tried not to laugh as Linus gave Leon a somewhat begrudged hug. “Sorry bub, we’re not going to be here for long so we thought it would be better if she stayed home. Next time, ok?”

“Ah, you must be the Karina that I have heard so much about.”

They both turned to see Leon’s grandmother walk in the room. Leon moved closer and kissed her cheek in a greeting. Oma, I’m happy that you can finally meet-”

Leon stopped as his grandmother walked over to Karina, clearly looking her over.

“Mathea had a very pretty face, very striking. Not like you.”

Karina strained to smile at the sudden critique. Leon knew she had two modes when it came to criticism, she’d either bite back or slink away. Being that this was his family, he figured Karina would simply take it but shut down.

“Oma,” Leon started to interrupt, but she only shook her head.

“No, no. You have a softer presence. You are very pretty too but I can tell you have a kind soul.”

As soon as she spoke, Leon could see Karina’s whole body relax. She remained relatively quiet for most of the evening, but really it was mostly about the kids anyway so she wasn’t being aloof.    

After two whirlwind days with their families, Karina and Leon returned to Munich and immediately began packing for the trip to Malé. Marius came back with them, after some convincing on Leon’s part, he agreed to watch Elsa and the apartment while they were away.

“Ok, so Elsa’s food is in this container here…” Karina opened the pantry and pulled out a stainless steel bin that could easily be mistaken for a trashcan. “She gets one scoop twice a day. There’s a full bag behind it if you need to refill. Her leash hangs by the door, she likes to go for a walk before breakfast and then after dinner but she’ll let you know if she needs to go out. The fridge is stocked, there’s beer…”

Karina turned around to face Marius. “Did I forget anything? Fresh sheets on the bed, fresh towels in the bathroom…”

“It’s fine.” Marius laughed even though Karina could tell he was starting to get annoyed. “I think I can manage.”

Leon walked in and shrugged. “Well, this is the first time she’s leaving her baby while we go away for longer than a weekend.”

Karina frowned before turning back to Marius. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” He offered a nod. “Let me know when you land, ok? Have a safe flight.”

Looking to her right, Karina let out a sigh, jealous that Leon was peacefully sleeping through the last leg of the twelve-hour flight. As she watched the flight attendants walk up and down the aisle, she realized that most of the flight seemed to be asleep. Karina smiled politely as the flight attendant stopped at her cabin.

“Would Miss like anything to drink?” There was a well-practiced head tilt that accompanied the line. “Water? Juice?”

Karina initially thought about declining but eventually figured a drink might help her relax. “Could I have a glass of Prosecco or Rosé please?”

“Of course, Miss.” Another smile. “Right away.”

Glancing back over, she briefly entertained the idea of crawling into Leon’s bed with him but the thought of possibly waking him kept her in her own seat. Giving her thanks, Karina quickly drained her glass as soon as the attendant walked away and then put her headphones on, opting to listen to an audiobook.

Leon awoke to a tap on the shoulder. “Pardon me sir, but we will be landing soon. Please return your seat to the inclined position and fasten your seatbelt.”

“Sure,” Leon nodded as he glanced over at Karina. “Can you let me wake her up?”

Karina’s eyes flew open as soon as she felt Leon’s lips on her forehead.

“Hey.” Leon tapped Karina on her nose. “We’re almost there. Time to buckle up.”

She blinked twice, realizing that she had actually fallen asleep, and sat up straighter. Karina pinched the bridge of her nose and gave her head a shake, wishing she hadn’t fallen asleep at this point. The little sleep she did get certainly wasn’t restful and left her feeling more groggy than anything.

Karina held on to Leon’s arm as they walked through the airport, bracing herself against the waves of dizziness that accompanied any movement of her head.

“So now might not be the best time to mention that we now get to board a seaplane.” Leon gently nudged Karina who could only close her eyes at the thought of another flight.

With a sigh, Karina leaned into him now. “You’re lucky I love you, Sir.”

“Hey now, this is as much for you as it is for me.” Leon stopped and turned to face her now, playfully clipping her chin with his knuckle.

“Actually,” Tilting her head to the side, Karina smirked, “I’d say this is more for me because you’d be happy with Ibiza or Mallorca but you know I hate it there.”

Leaning in, Leon kissed her briefly. “So in that case, it’s more like you’re lucky I love you, Maus.”

“Well, yes, we’ve already established that.” Tugging on his hand, Karina started to walk away. “Now, can we get on the other plane now? I’d like to get it over with.”

Leon was more than happy to continue to let Karina hold on to him but once they were over the atolls, Karina couldn’t stop staring out the window. While she continued to hold his hand, it was more out of excitement now.

Once they landed they were met by a man from the resort who quickly bowed his head in a nod. “Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Goretzka. We’re thrilled to have you here with us at Soneva Fushi. Your luggage awaits you at the villa. May I offer you anything as we travel there ourselves?”

Karina gave Leon a sideways glance upon hearing herself being referred to as “Mrs. Goretzka.” They had discussed if she was going to change her name and they both agreed it would be easier, at least initially, if she kept her own name. Leon gave a little wink. “It was just easier this way.”

The two stood with polite smiles as they were introduced to their personal wait staff for the duration of their stay but politely declined any further assistance. Leon wandered around the villa, getting a feel for where everything was located, even the secluded outdoor shower, before returning to Karina who was standing in the main room.

“Personal wait staff?” She raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

Leon shrugged as he pulled Karina against him. “It might be nice. I mean, we are celebrating a special occasion after all.”

“Ok, ok. I’ll give you that.” Leaning into him, Karina breathed in the familiar and comforting scent of his cologne mingling with his deodorant and let herself relax. “What should we explore first? The beach? The hammock out front? The bed?”

Smirking, Leon licked his lips and raised an eyebrow. He lowered his voice to just above a whisper. “Food?”

“Oh my god.” She gave him a shove back before laughing. “Are you always hungry?”

With a sheepish smile, Leon shrugged. “Maybe?”

Karina glanced at her watched and realized it was later than she thought, about time for an early dinner. “Ok, ok. Let me take a shower and change, then we can go. Does that work for you?”

“Sounds perfect.” Leon drew Karina against him again and kissed her.

Leon sprawled out on the bed, scrolling through emails but also casually watching Karina as she undressed. He smirked but then something caught his eye. “Hey, Maus, come here for a sec.”

“What?” Karina stood next to the bed in her underwear while Leon stood so he was able to be next to her.

Putting a hand on her shoulder, Leon encouraged Karina to turn so that he could see her back. “Am I hurting you?”

“No?” She seemed confused by his question. “You’re barely touching me.”

“No, not now. I mean, at any point in time-” He moved his hand and brushed slightly along her lower back, closer to her hips where there were four finger-like bruises on both sides.

They moved closer to the mirror above the dresser so Karina was able to see as well. “You think those are from you?”

“What else would they be from?” Leon’s brows were knitted now, obviously concerned that random bruises kept appearing on her body.

“Baby, you’re not hurting me. I don’t know-”

“Karina, please.” He kissed her forehead before placing his hands squarely on her shoulders. “Please go see your doctor when we get home.”

She paused for a minute and started to protest but then started to think about why Leon wanted her to get checked out. “Yeah, ok. As soon as we get back.”

[abbydraper]

Who Gets a Seat in Peter’s Cockpit?

The bios for this seasons’ Bachelor contestants went live today and I just can’t help myself. My justification for this round is that ABC is finally back to giving me what I want... more than just a “job” title and an age. Yep, this season we are getting the full on, horribly written bios. Which means I have so much more to work with. 

Alayah (unsure of pronunciation) 

After failing 3 times before, Alayah (unsure of pronunciation) was finally crowned Miss Texas this year. And she really likes talking about it. The Bachelor franchise interns that wrote this bio also added a teaser that, “familiar faces” might resurface proving that Alayah (unsure of pronunciation) is batshit, and like, we already had this drama with Caelynn and Hannah last season, so no thank you. She claims her favorite social media platform is Reddit and I hope we learn that she goes deep on Reddit conversations about romantic relationships with wildlife animals, or something.  

 Avonlea (not a real name)

Cattle Rancher by day, runway model by night, Avonlea (not a real name) shares that every time she milks one of her cows, she thanks it for its hard work. That would be like me kissing my laptop any time I finished a press release. Except less strange. She also claims that in her spare time she likes snuggling up by the fire to listen to a good audiobook and I’m interpreting this as an admission that she can’t read.  

Alexa (can you not start fights this season? Get it, that’s an Alexa joke)

Alexa wants us to know that she decided to move to Chicago during a game of heads or tails, and I’m assuming that’s to make us think she’s adventurous and up for anything, but her hometown is Springfield, Ill. and when I Google map the distance between the two cities, it’s a three hour drive. I made the decision to move 3,000 miles away over a mid-day FaceTime with my boss and have never included that in a bio when looking for love. She’s going to require a lot of attention and I’m already annoyed. 

Courtney

Courtney is proud to be a Florida girl, “through and through” which isn’t something anyone should find pride in. She has had a lot of plastic surgery, but is wearing a cross necklace over a mock turtleneck tank top in her Bachelor photo which means she’s boring to talk to, but makes up for it generously in the bedroom. 

Deandra

Why are all of these women from Texas? Was it the last place on the audition city tour? Anyway, Deandra describes herself as an “independent, intelligent” woman, which translates the same way as when a guy describes himself as “funny” on a dating app... no way it’s true. She is a self-proclaimed “famers market aficionado” and that’s not a thing. 

Eunice (also not a name, but could be an allergy medication)

Eunice (also not a name, but could be an allergy medication) really wants to rid herself of the party girl reputation but when asked her favorite country, she responded with “Greece” because she can knock back ouzo like it’s water, so she’ll be the first to chug a bottle of champagne and make a bad joke about Peters cockpit. Kind of like I did in the title of this post. 

Hannah Ann (I really hate when people have two first names)

Hannah Ann (I really hate when people have two first names) looks like she was on a show on the WB called “Teenage Darkness” that was canceled after one season and likely could have been as she still lives at home with her parents. Her “home” (room at her parents) is decorated with artwork that she painted herself. The background on my phone is a picture of me, so I have no room to judge. But I am. 

Jade 

Like 80% of the other contestants, and The Bachelor himself, Jade is a flight attendant. Unlike other flight attendants, Jade claims she is afraid of heights. What a risk taker. She is also a mormon and was divorced at age 22 so there’s a lot to unpack here. No travel pun intended.  

Jasmine

In a single paragraph, we learn that Jasmine wants a guy that can do the impossible (bring her Chick-Fil-A on a Sunday), build her a table, give her babies (but not until they’ve traveled the world together) and doesn’t play video games. Pretty specific list of “musts” from a guy who wears a bandaid on his forehead and gets off to windmills. 

Jenna

I feel like Jenna and Peter are this seasons Ben H. and Lauren B. He’ll fall hard, but wonder if she’s too quiet and reserved and she’ll spend a lot of time telling him she’s super fun while actually being incredibly boring. She has a pet goldfish named George, the most boring name on the planet, and she believes that George, her pet goldfish, gives great advice. That’s all the proof I need to validate my assumptions.

Kiarra

She is a self-proclaimed social butterfly who loves shopping, fashion, style and social media. So she’s here for the Fab, Fit, Fun + Fit Tea Instagram deals. 

Katrina 

Katrina has a hairless cat (her words, not mine) that she does everything with. She claims that she dressed up like her hairless cat for Halloween and I need to see what that looks like. Or maybe I don’t. The cat is named after her favorite Disney princess and at age 28 I don’t think someone should have a favorite Disney princess. Her mom is worried about her biological clock ticking and I think she should be more concerned that Katrina brings her “hairless cat” with her to birthday parties. 

Kelley

Kelley needs a man to take care of her, and her most recent relationship was an “international long distance” lover that paid for her to go to Jordan to see him once or twice a month. So, she had a sugar daddy. She decided to end it because she “couldn’t see herself moving to the Middle East”. Which reads, she found out she was on The Bachelor and had to call it off... for now. She has been to 26 countries, so I’m guessing Mr. Jordan wasn’t her first SD. 

Kelsey

Kelsey is a “professional clothier” in Iowa and that’s not a real thing. She claims she’s had relationship issues in the past but Pilates cured that right up. She says she’s not looking for drama, which means she will cry a lot this season. I hope it doesn’t ruin that spray tan and smokey eye look.  

Kylie 

Kylie is an entertainment sales associate in Santa Monica, which means she probably passes out fliers for nightclubs on the Santa Monica Promenade during the day and is a bottle service girl in Hollywood at night, in hopes that she will be “discovered”. She is looking for that “rom-com kind of love” which translates to auditioning for The Bachelor and then dating in the franchise pool for press when it doesn’t happen with Peter. 

Lauren

The most important part of Lauren’s bio is that she conducts exit interviews with all of her exes to find out what went wrong. Imagine that. Your boyfriend comes over to break up with you and you’re like, “I understand. Are you free Thursday between 1 - 2 so I can document when you became unhappy in this role and why? Want to make sure the next person we hire (I date) doesn’t face the same challenges” and him responding with, “Oh yea, totally. See you at 1:30, Thursday.” I’m pretty sure if I called an ex and asked for a SWOT analysis on our relationship he would say, “Abby, this is exactly the reason things didn’t work out.”  

Lexi

Lexi would rather be buried alive than trapped in a room full of frogs. That’s it. The thought of being buried in the ground, alive and breathing, is more appealing to her than being in a room of small amphibians for a short amount of time. Sounds like a ball of fun.

Madison

Madison really wants you to know that she loves basketball. She would even rather rock a pair of Jordan’s (I think those are basketball shoes) than heels. She also loves Jesus. A lot. And if Peter doesn’t, it will be a technical foul for their love. Sports jokes, am I right? 

Maurissa (not how you spell Marissa)

Maurissa (not how you spell Marissa) broke up with her long-term boyfriend, moved to Atlanta and lost 80 pounds. She will be the one that works out in the morning instead of having a mimosa with the other girls. She says if she hits it off with Peter right away, she plans on going hard, so she’ll be the one to steal him away during every other conversation. She’ll probably make him feel her newfound biceps, too.

Megan

Another flight attendant joins the season. This one has aspirations of visiting Zion which is literally a 5 hour drive from San Francisco, where she lives. Dream big, Megan. I see her making it to hometowns and since her mom is her best friend, she’s going to put Peter through the ringer which will be very difficult for their relationship. Do you think I’ve watched a season or two of this show? Megan also looks like a hybrid of every Bachelorette this franchise has ever had. 

Mykenna

Mykenna is barely out of college and has only been in one relationship, so this will be tough for us all to endure. She is a fashion blogger which isn’t a real job, from Canada, who has a BHAG of starting a charity. For what, we don’t know. Her grandfather proposed to her grandmother after their first date. All of this wrapped up in one person means a lot of tears will be shed. 

Natasha

An event planner from New York (who in New York isn’t an event planner?) Natasha loves her legs and her back because she has a cross and a dagger tattoo there. What do you think inspires someone to get a cross and a dagger tattooed on their legs all the way up to their back? Real question. 

Payton (not how you spell this name) 

1. “Payton (not how you spell this name) is the type of woman who goes into a bar alone and leaves with 100 new best friends”. No she doesn’t. 

2. Payton (not how you spell this name) found out she had a fifth sibling, “thanks to some serious Facebooking”. No she didn’t. 

3. Payton (not how you spell this name) currently lives in her parents’ basement. That explains why she included 1 + 2 in her bio. 

Sarah

I put my thousands of hours watching every iteration on this show that Sarah is in the final three. She is the Whitney B. of Chris Soules’ season. Like, exactly. Job in medicine, sweet looking blonde, thoughtful and targeted responses to bio questions... calling it now. 

Savannah

Savannah has done her research on what makes Bachelor Nation contestants famous, post show. She claims she enjoys shopping at Revolve, a brand that thrives on leveraging former suitresses as influencers. See: JoJo, Kaitlyn, Hannah G., Caelynn, Caila and other misspelled names from Bachelor seasons past. Her indulgence is Vampire Facials, a trend also posted to IG stories from the aforementioned. She refers to herself as the “turtle princess” and I hope that means what I desperately need it to mean. 

Shiann

In her bio, she claims her dating history includes men with wives, men that ghost her and men that like her friends more than they like her. Sounds like Las Vegas (where she lives) to a tee. She will not make it past night one. 

Sydney

Sydney is coming onto the show with a broken heart. Her favorite holiday is Valentine’s Day and her hobbies including planning fantasy vacations for her and her unknown future husband. She will absolutely come out of the limo with a cupcake and a poorly written poem for Peter, that he won’t remember. 

Tammy

Tammy wanted so desperately to be on the mens wrestling team in high school, that when they told her no, she just showed up to all of their practices until they let her...wrestle. She will be interrupting one-on-one time when she’s not supposed to and show up to Peters hotel room unannounced more than once this season. Tammy also has a vanity license plate and the combination of all of this is just too much for me to think about.

Victoria F. (apparently there is more than one Victoria this season) 

She wants it to be known that she likes a man that cries in public and I already do not relate. She also responded to her bio questions with run on sentences so again, I do not relate. Good luck, Victoria F.  

Victoria P. (the second Victoria it seems)

I’m fairly certain I’ve seen Victoria P. in a porn, but either way, she leads with losing her father at a young age, her mother and sister struggling with drug addiction and her boyfriend cheating on her, but she states that nothing upsets her more than finding raisins in her cookies. Like, despite it all, dried grapes really piss Victoria P. off. Priorities. 

What are your thoughts after reading the bios? Will you watch this season? Tell me everything. 

[sesamesaysme]

BOOKS FINISHED IN AUGUST 2019 + word cloud of their subjects

(listed in the order that I finished reading them)

Most of this month’s books were so good that I wouldn’t be surprised if half of them make end up making my Top 10 books that I read within this year. 

BAD FEMINIST by Roxane Gay / July 21, 2019 - August 1, 2019 / audiobook version / Summary - Essays exploring being a feminist while simultaneously loving things that could seem at odds with feminist ideology. / Reaction - Roxane Gay’s writing is SO RELATABLE! She allows that we may have principles we strongly support but we are human. Sometimes we find ourselves grooving to songs while knowing the lyrics are degrading or that are made by artists whose actions we don’t agree with. Sometimes we enjoy shows or movies that we know are mediocre and whose messages are flawed. Sometimes we believe in strong women but we want a man to lean on. These are the kinds of things she discusses in this collection of essays. I also previously read her book Hunger and loved that one too. I need to credit her as the writer who made me start enjoying essay collections. 

ANCILLARY JUSTICE by Ann Leckie / July 29, 2019 -  August 6, 2019 / Summary - A sci-fi book set thousands of years in the future in a time and place where the empire uses AIs to control human bodies as soldiers. First book of a trilogy. / Reaction - The reason I was drawn to reading this book is because I heard that it really makes you think about our use of binary pronouns. There are some characters in this book who do not distinguish between gender. Sometimes the same character will be referred to as she by someone and he by someone else and then she again by another person. Furthermore children are not referred to by gender. It disoriented me and I really appreciate that! Sadly that was the only aspect of the book I really liked. The world and characters felt cold to me. I couldn’t feel anything for any of them and I won’t be reading the rest of the trilogy.

SHOE DOG by Phil Knight / July 23, 2019 - August 6, 2019 / audiobook version approx. 13hrs / Summary - Memoir by Nike co-founder Phil Knight which chronicles the story of the Nike company from even before it was named Nike. / Reaction - I didn’t realize I’d be so interested in a book about how the Nike brand was developed but now I think it’s probably going to end up in my Top 10 books I read this year. How was I supposed to know that Shoe Dog would turn out to be an underdog story? In fact, you can even think of this as following the format of one of those heartwarming sports team movies or anime in which one team member after another is recruited into the fold, each with their own quirks. They meld and develop, then defeat their opponents against all odds. Phil Knight writes that these guys are all losers in some way or other, himself included, and almost none of them are athletic, yet they end up being the perfect team to build one of the top athletic brands in the world. They tackle all sorts of business-y problems with gumption and perseverance and are constantly trying to top their rivals adidas. Of course, since the author is one of the Nike owners, it is all from his POV, so you gotta be careful not to come out of reading it thinking the entire company is right in all of its actions. I’m sure there are criticisms about Nike that are still very valid. But that doesn’t take away from the book being a good read.  

CARRY ON, WARRIOR: THOUGHTS ON LIFE UNARMED by Glennon Doyle Melton / August 7, 2019 - August 10, 2019 / audiobook version approx 8hrs / Summary - Glennon Melton believes that if we stop striving to project a mirage of perfection we can get closer to people and build better lives. / Reaction - From the title alone, I thought this would be a book about gun laws! It wasn’t. It’s a nonfic by a mother who is a recovered substance abuser and now shares her struggles with friends/neighbors/readers to connect with them. I’m not a mother or a wife yet but I could still relate to many of the things she talked about. One part I particularly liked was when she described step by step how to get through your day(s). It felt like much of the advice could help anyone whether they are struggling with addiction, depression, or just having a really bad day. 

THE ARTIST’S WAY by Julia Cameron / August 7, 2019 - August 16, 2019 / Summary - An international bestseller which millions of people have found to be an invaluable guide to living the artist’s life./ Reaction - I would say this is like a textbook or workbook for how to unblock your creativity. A lot of creativity, motivation and productivity gurus these days use morning pages and this is the book from which morning pages originated. I’ve already been doing morning pages for about half a year prior to reading this so I’ve been interested in this book for awhile now. This time I borrowed it using the Libby app so I just read it without doing any of the activities. But I plan to get my own physical copy and go through the program in the book. I have a feeling this’ll turn into like a creativity bible for me that I’ll come back to over and over until it’s dog-eared and in rough condition. 

A GENTLEMAN IN MOSCOW by Amor Towles / August 15, 2019 - August 24, 2019 / audiobook version approx. 18hrs / Summary - Count Alexander Rostov is sentenced to house arrest at the grand hotel Metropol in 1922 Russia. The book then spans several decades of his life there. / Reaction - As I listened to this, it was so easy to picture everything that happened. If you like books that cover a long period of time this is a great one. Rather than trying to tell about every month and every year, the story is formed out of perfectly crafted little vignettes that represent different times in his life and they are all so charming. For example, testing out the sounds that different objects make when they are dropped from the floor above and hit the ground, or subtly helping out a young man on a first date by subtly stepping in to suggest the perfect wine that will neither bankrupt him nor make him look like a cheapskate, sneaking in ingredients to cook the perfect dish behind the back of your enemy, or trying to outsmart a 5 or 6-yr-old in a game of hiding. It’s not a particularly quick read, but it’s so freakin’ charming. And the ending turns unexpectedly thrilling as you find out if our Count makes it out of the hotel or not. 

THE COLLECTOR by John Fowles / August 16, 2019 - August 24, 2019 / Summary - A story of obsession about a young butterfly collector who kidnaps a young art student and traps her in the cellar of a house. /Reaction - I guess this would be categorized as a psychological thriller. The setup is very simple but the character development and interaction digs very deep. Essentially you take two very different people, put them in a small space together and watch the interactions. One is male, the other is female. One knows less culture (as in books, art, music etc.) while the other loves those things passionately. One has no relationship experience while the other does. At times you think, ok, this person’s motives are understandable, and at other times you find their actions incredibly disturbing. Then you start wondering what’s wrong with yourself because of those earlier moments when you found the person kinda relatable. Great read. And you can’t predict at all if the girl will survive. At least I couldn’t. 

BAD BLOOD by John Carreyrou / August 24, 2019 - August 30, 2019 / audiobook version approx 12 hrs  / Summary - Wall Street Journal writer John Carreyrou goes in depth into how it was possible for young entrepreneur Elizabeth Holmes to build a multibillion-dollar biotech startup (Theranos) that deceived countless people even though its supposedly revolutionary blood-analyzing device didn’t even work. / Reaction - Man, it really makes you realize how far money and connections can get you. People were fooled and bullied so easily. Throughout the whole book I was like I can’t believe this happened and I can’t believe that happened and holy crap, they seriously got away with that? The second I finished the book I was online googling what happened to Elizabeth Holmes and apparently she’s happily engaged like nothing even happened. 

WHAT AM I READING IN SEPTEMBER?

- currently halfway done with The Cuckoo’s Calling by Robert Galbraith (but really JK Rowling)

- To the Bright Edge of the World by Eowyn Ivey

- Somewhere Only We Know by Maurene Goo

and the rest will just depend on what becomes available from my holds list on Libby

[mcarfield]

Me listening to this new James McArdle podcast interview: HIS VOICE IS SO BEAUTIFUL HELP GOD @earlgreytea68 :  awwwww I can't help, sorry I now have to disappear to write my words boo Me: yes you should do that leave me here to die it's fine

MORE THOUGHTS i’m just going to have a freakout on you guys here hi

- omfg James dying to get back to Glasgow, bless his heart <3

- he sounds so exhausted oh my gosh my sweet son. And the shock at how bad Manhattan smells in the summer, haha. oh James.

- omg! he had an emergency operation over the break between London/NYC!!!! HE THOUGHT HE WASN’T GONNA GET TO BROADWAY OMG THIS DRAMA

- His care and attention for the Jewish aspects, like, he’s talked about that before, but he’s so — “you knew in new york they were out for blood if you didn’t” 

- AHA. HERE WE GO. HIM TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU’RE ON SHOW CONSTANTLY IN NEW YORK. “Everything was held at the Marriott Marquis in Times Square, all I can remember is being at the Marriott and shaking — these botox faces “ — this actually is hilarious to me because I competed in a national talent competition (and won, no humblebrag) when I was in high school and every year it was in the Marriott Marquis and it was such a big deal and so I’ve always associated that hotel with the hoity toity Broadway shenanigans ad I love this.

- NO BUT REALLY JAMES MCARDLE, WE ALREADY KNEW YOU WERE CONSTANTLY EXHAUSTED BY HAVING TO DO THE RED CARPET. 

[Me: omg he's talking about how much he hated doing the red carpet in NYC and how you were "always on show" omfg like am i not writing a fic about this literally right now BECAUSE I SEE INTO YOUR SOUL, JAMES MCARDLE

EGT: oh my god lol ]

- James talking about how everyone kept freaking out about how Scottish he was to be playing Louis, okay, someday i’m seriously going to make a roundup of all the times over his career that James McArdle has been Scots-shamed because it is ABSURD and RIDICULOUS and INFURIATING and APPARENTLY PERPETUAL, this keeps happening to him it’s so ludicrous okay i’m calm it’s cool

- and then he's just like, "it went well, thankfully" aksjfd;lasdfklasdslsadfkladsa oh my god the downplaying, i cannot. HE SERIOUSLY HAS NO IDEA HOW PHENOMENAL HE IS. he’s so self-deprecating. 

- AAAAAAND now he’s talking about the UK class system, yes, yes, and “I think to certain audiences I will always be a Scottish actor” YES, DRAG THEM ALL, JIMMY.

(Also it took us a grand total of exactly 6 minutes to arrive at UK class politics because this is an interview with James McArdle and that’s just what you get, god i love him <3 <3 <3)

- omfg when he says that he felt like the new york crowd was baying for blood with him in particular, i 100% agree with this, all the reviews and audience comments i’ve read for this show from NYers, people just seemed so vicious about him not being Jewish (way more than Andrew not being queer), and the critics just couldn’t seem to get over his Scottishness, and it just has grated on me so much guys, i’m so sad that he felt that, too, BUT ALSO LOOK HOW MUCH HE FUCKING SHOWED THEM.

- James about the UK version of Scots-shaming = “They say you’re Scottish but they mean you’re working class, and you’ll never escape that” Yes, yes. He’s hinted at this so many times, and i’m glad he’s just coming out and saying it.

- His love for the James plays <3

- ALSO HIS HILARIOUS MOCKERY OF POSH BRITISH ACCENTS LOL

(James McArdle, you will absolutely one day play Hamlet, and that fellow RADA student who told you that you never would was probably losing his mind and feeling incredibly threatened because of how fucking incredible you are)

- They're setting Peer Gynt in Scotland because James is Scottish! What! Why are they doing this ahaha! THIS IS SO WEIRD. I MEAN. I WILL STILL SHOW UP FOR IT 8 TIMES BUT ISN’T THIS KINDA CONDESCENDING?!

- “Marianne Elliott is a perfectionist and i love her for that” <3

- Tovey didn’t want to do it, HMMMM, that’s so leading, I think that’s so veiled haha. 

- JAMES THINKS PRIOR IS A BIT OF A WHINGE AHAHAHA OMG I LOVE HIM <3 SPOKEN LIKE THE GUY PLAYING LOUIS, THAT’S THE MOST HILARIOUS <3

- James saying he views the play as one big play and not two plays is very validating, this is also how I feel! THANKS BUDDY

- oh my god the Mouse Hunt story jklsadf;a

- I love him talking about Nathan Lane lolol

- I ALSO LOVE THE TWO OPENINGS TO BOTH PARTS OF THE PLAY I’M SO HAPPY HE GAVE THESE BEAUTIFUL MONOLOGUES THE LOVE THEY DESERVE <3 

- “by the end of the fucking run they were just clap-happy. Ugh, it’s not a musical” sdf;lafkldsf;klsdfklasd oh my god i love him he’s the best

- “it’s good but it’s better that it’s over” ahahaha GUYS WHAT WAS I JUST SAYING LOL 

- oh my gosh him describing how the fear of the Democracy in America scene got worse over time, and how it actually got "unbearable”!!!!! oh gosh, you can totally understand why he was afraid, too, because like I said elsewhere on this tumblr, the audience often thought he was dropping/missing lines when he was just delivering them so erratically and Louis-y omg <3 <3 James ILU you’re wonderful

- ahahaha omg the description of him dropping the single line though as Louis ahaha, god, he’s amazing, i love that he’s so open about the PSYCHOLOGICAL TERROR THAT IS ACTING HAHA

- his stance on being terrified of complacency is so obvious in everything he does, ahaha, what a good

- “i’m not method or anything, but i’m neurotic” — *rolls up sleeves* OKAY HERE WE GO DSAFKLJADS;F

- ANDREW IMMEDIATELY NOTICING THAT JAMES WAS FREAKED OUT BECAUSE HE MESSED UP A SINGLE WORD IN THEIR SCENE THOUGH

- OKAY

LIKE

TONIGHT

I AM LEARNING

THAT JAMES MCARDLE IS A WALKING HURT/COMFORT TROPE OH MY GOD DSFKLJ;AFD

THIS STORY ABOUT HIM FORGETTING THIS SINGLE WORD AND HAVING 2 SOLID WEEKS OF STAGE FRIGHT IS SO SAD AND PURE :( :( :(

[EGT: I hope Andrew fucked him out of it

sdkf;akdsfkdskds ]

- James is so proud of being a PACE kid, awwwwww that’s so dorky and sweet

- “I still feel like I’m 16″ sdflkas;fdadskfa; omg the self-deprecation is so real

- “I feel like I’m an 87-year-old woman trapped in the body of an 18-year-old but the truth is I’m just an average 28-year-old man” wait wait DID HE JUST AGE HIMSELF DOWN A YEAR, I THOUGHT HE WAS 29?  ahaha how does nobody know how old he is, i kept having to update his age in my first fic because i kept reading different reports about how old he was, god lol

- "i can't sing. i don't do false modesty and i'm telling you i can't sing."

jsdflsajflasjdljfs;lksdsd okay okay okay

1) lol somehow i already knew he couldn’t sing because he seems like the kind of guy who is philosophically opposed to the idea of himself singing ahaha

2) “i don’t do false modesty” oh my god this is so hot lololol

3) BUT ALSO JAMES MCARDLE YOU’VE JUST SAID LIKE 80 SELF-DEPRECATING STATEMENTS IN THIS ONE INTERVIEW ALONE LOL, INCLUDING THIS ONE

4) LOL WHATEVER FUCK YOU  <3

- OH MY GOD THIS BAT STORY ASLDKJF;SFAD THIS BAT STORY

- i love that he’s telling his RADA audition story, omg <3 i’ve been wanting him to elaborate on this story!!!!! “you cheeky little bastard” — omfg i love him, you are a cheeky little bastard, well done, James McArdle <3

- “James McArdle, you walk like a fucking pogo stick” askldfjflaks;df what ahaha

- THEY’RE DOING AN AUDIOBOOK OF ANGELS <3 I’M SO EXCITED FOR THIS <3 

- how is he still allowed to not say what the play is, WE ALL KNOW IT’S THE IBSEN CYCLE, LOL

- I’m so glad he’s taking this whole month off and SO glad he’s steering clear of the Fringe ahaha, and I’m sorry, barring the press junket for Mary Queen of Scots, what the hell is he doing with his time for the next 12 months, god damn

- ahahaha i’m sad we were deprived of “Mr. Brightside” as an Irish jig. 

- “I also find now, the older I get — I’m saying this like I’m some old, jaded — I don’t even like to engage in conversations about the plays or the play. I just let people — especially people who ardently give you their clever opinion about what they liked and what they don’t like, and I just don’t care.” — James McArdle, I understand this impulse but also I think you might be a wee bit depressed

- “I’m not remotely interested, I want you to say I looked great, my costumes looked brilliant, and I was great.” ahaha. NO FALSE MODESTY HERE lol.

- “I’m grumpy, I feel grumpy!” salkjdfksalfd God he sounds like he needs such a long relaxing happy colorful vacation. I hope he gets it. <3 

(But also I’m really glad he’s talking about how he needs to keep momentum going and find more work soon because this is exactly the plot of the fic I’m writing right now, which is set right now, and it’s nice that I’m keeping it in-character ahaha, THANKS, JAMES MCARDLE, CONTINUE TO BE BEAUTIFULLY TRANSPARENT, BYE)

[amanda-n-newman-author]

Why I Made an Audiobook

In Spring of 2021, I posted a few excerpts of my first dystopian fantasy novel Children of the Outback on a website called ACX in an attempt to find a narrator to create an audiobook version. 

Now, you might be wondering why I chose to do this, what my thought process behind it was. After all, at the time (and still), I was just one of many many people who decided to self-publish their books. I wasn’t a best seller and I hadn’t even hit 25 Amazon reviews/ratings for any of my books. So, why take this risk? Why invest in an audio version of the book?

Well, the story is actually really simple, and kind of close to my heart. Somewhere in mid to late 2020, I was talking to one of my close friends about my books and my creative pursuits. For background information, my friend works two jobs and is a parent, so he doesn’t really have a lot of free time, plus English isn’t his first language. He mentioned how people in his situation (parents, people with multiple jobs, and/or people whose first language isn’t the language my books are written in) would probably find audiobooks more manageable than trying to carve out time to sit down and read a physical book (whether a paperback or an ebook) because they could listen to them while commuting between jobs and stuff like that. 

Because we’re friends, I told him that I’d look into it, but I didn’t get my hopes up too high. After all, I was just a self-published author and audiobooks (in my mind) were things that “real authors” did. (This is not to say that I don’t think self-published authors are “real authors” or less valid, but I have dealt with “imposter syndrome” that stems from me feeling like self-publishing was my only option because no one in their right mind would want my books.) Or, at least, authors who had a bigger budget to invest in paying a professional narrator (because, to be honest, I don’t believe I could narrate my own audiobooks). So, I did some research and eventually stumbled across ACX. ACX is a website that offers options to authors looking to turn their books into audiobooks (options that include royalty share systems for those who can’t afford to pay a high/any per finished hour rate). 

So, in thinking of the conversation I had with my friend and the “promise” I felt I made to him (and partly on a whim), I threw together a “sample script” and posted it on ACX as looking for a narrator. At this point, I still didn’t think I’d really get anywhere. This was just a way for me to reconcile with my conscience that “I tried” like I told my friend I would. Then, in early January of 2021, I got my first audition for the Children of the Outback audiobook. So, I listened to the audition and contacted the narrator but it didn’t end up panning out due to a very small budget I could allocate to this. But, I didn’t get too upset about this because I’d already made it further than I thought I would. 

Then, in late January 2021, I received another audition for Children of the Outback and a message from the narrator asking if I would consider a small upfront fee and then a royalty share afterwards. So, I listened to it and contacted the narrator asking what the fee would be, to which she responded with a very reasonable amount given the size of the project (after all, Children of the Outback is over 200k words long). By early February 2021, the narrator and I had a contract between us and production began on the audiobook version of Children of the Outback. Aside from my immediate family (my mom, sister, brother, and my fiance) the first person I told about this development was my friend (I hadn’t even told any of my other friends yet) and he was excited and happy for me and told me that he knows good things will come to me in my creative pursuits.

So, in a nutshell, my foray into audiobooks started all because of an offhand conversation with a close friend who isn’t really an avid reader but wanted to encourage me and help me get my work out there. It wasn’t until after it was all said and done (I’d posted the project to ACX) that I heard other indie authors “talk” about how audiobooks add another layer of professionalism to your work and how there’s a little less competition in the audiobook market as opposed to ebooks and paperbacks. No, the main thing that encouraged me to try was a good friend just doing what friends do and trying to help me by having me consider other demographics of people who might be interested in my work but might not be able to access it another way. The fact that he showed some belief in me and my (not so) little book that I didn’t think anyone would want (because let’s face it, even though my immediate family have been extremely supportive and have believed in me, you kind of expect some level of support from them but don’t hold friends to quite as high of a standard of required support), made all the difference in the world in me giving it a shot, even though I did it not expecting it to amount to anything other that “keeping a promise” to someone important to me.

[pupsandnubs]

Date Night

Tonight was one of my favorite date nights, and even though you were in neck-stiffness-pain and loopy from the benzo I gave you, it was still one of my favorites.

I’ve been very conscious of how much you’ve been spending on me/us/when we go out, and I can’t help but feel guilty or feel like it’s been way too much. So when you suggested the ceramics place at Menlo, I knew I didn’t want you to pay for it. And since I’ve been struggling a little more than usual financially, I knew it wasn’t smart for me to pay for it right now either. 

So in my attempt to be frugal and cute, and half-jokingly, I suggested we do a 3-course-dinner-and-drive-in-movie. You asked where there was a drive thru and then I explained my oh-so-fancy date idea.

3 courses: Go to 3 random drive thru places and order an appetizer, main “meal” and a dessert off the dollar menu.

Drive-In movie: We pull up Netflix, pick a movie and stay in the car to watch it.

In theory it’s a ridiculous idea, but oh how I fell in love with you more for LOVING the idea and for being enthusiastic about it. Because you didn’t shit on the idea or shame me for “being lame”- it made me SO excited to see you tonight. And in my excitement I knew I had to stop by the dollar store to get those cute little red striped popcorn buckets. $7 later, we each had a bucket, caramel popcorn, and an assortment of candies. A “concession stand” if you will. 

You picked ‘Enter the Dragon’ and I knew without a doubt I’d hear you snoring. Like clockwork you dozed off, and I couldn’t help but giggle and watch you for a little bit.

My perfect person, keeping me young by encouraging these cheesy date nights, but also allowing the ‘romance’ to still be there in even the mundane moments. It’s these moments that make up that ‘honeymoon’ stage for me.

I legit got sucked into the stupid movie and then realized I was also tired and didn’t want you to be in MORE pain from sleeping like a wet pretzel in my car, so I dropped you off at home, and had to venture to Walmart to pick up some stuff for my mom. I decided it was the perfect time to pull up one of my newer audiobooks I recently downloaded.

I’m a big big fan of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and I knew he had 2348234832 other things he’d written too. I was reminded of them when some girl I follow on IG was posting her “must reads”. This girl is like 25 and had a huge following because she posts cute pics of her working in Disney- I digress but anyway, I thought it was odd that a baby was reading Gary Chapman’s “Things I Wish We’d Known Before We Got Married”. It was on my to-read list for awhile so whatever, I downloaded it. It’s a quick read/listen, so as I was walking around Walmart I was listening to all the things Dr. Chapman was suggesting and my insides got all warm.

It goes into this whole thing about how he asks his clients that want to get married “Why do you want to get married” and the normal response is “Well, because we’re in love.” Then he asks them “Well, why” and there’s usually not a coherent response past “Well, because.”

Then the chapters break down a serious of questions and things two people should go over because being “in love” doesn’t constitute for a successful marriage. I got through like 4-5 chapters. 

Most of it I already knew, and we had already established. Then it went into arguments/anger/apologies. And he broke down that there are 5 Apology languages that each partner would need to learn. And it made me smile because we really know each other’s. And we do a really great job of it and I had several moments mumbling to myself going “He does that already. He knows how to do that. Mhm, he’s really good at acknowledging that.” It was really nice validation, to know we handle conflict REALLY well for two people still in their own early stages of the relationship. 

It mentioned the 5 Love Languages and as he went through all 5, my heart was full because you do really understand all 5 of mine, and are so willing to adjust to them as they shift and there is a new #1 from time to time. I think I do a solid job of meeting yours too. 

I would love for you to listen to or read the book too, if you’re interested. It’ll make you puff up your chest in pride knowing we do a lot of these things on our own already. It’s also been pretty enlightening too. I went online to his website to look at his questionnaires and ended up taking all the quizzes. 

Turns out that the order of my 5 love languages was a LOT different than I’d originally thought. When we first met I told you my top 2 were Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation and that they’d often switch between the two. After I took the test, my results:

1. Quality Time (33%)

2. Acts of Service (23%)

3. Words of Affirmation (20%)

4. Physical Touch (17%)

5. Gifts (7%)

I was pretty shocked to see Physical Touch at #4. I’d still say that’s a tie for #1 for me, but maybe it’s because I know I already receive that abundantly from you. I took the apology test too (I think you should take it, it’s pretty cool)

My apology language is: make restitutions. Makes sense, I don’t just want to hear someone is sorry, I want them to acknowledge why they are and then want to know what they’ll do to fix it/make it better. For apologies, to me- actions speak louder than words.

Anyways- I just wanted to write about it, so you could read about it :)

I’m looking forward to finishing the audiobook, it’s super interesting. And it’s nice to finally be in a situation where instead of sinking further into myself thinking “... wow he doesn’t do that, we’re not like that, wow we don’t do that AT all...” and realizing I’m with the wrong person- I was basically skipping merrily from aisle to aisle beaming because I am with the -perfect- person for me. 

For me, if Dr. Gary Chapman asked me why I wanted to marry you and what being in love with you meant; I’d have ALL the answers. He would be annoyed and want me to shut up. 

I hope someday, you can say the same when someone asks you why you’re in love with me, or why you want to marry me. Or at least be able to tell ME the reasons for both.

I know you knocked out early. I hope you sleep well, your neck doesn’t hurt as much and that you have a good productive work morning.

I love you babe <3

[fumbliesthots]

31 Things

I started this yearly tradition of reflection on my birthday and this year I’m a few day late because I had been sick on my bday which is not exactly ideal day to spend one’s bday. But this year I have been very blessed and feel so loved by people around me (I still can’t believe what my colleagues and friends did to surprise me) But first, let me list 31 things I’m grateful for (not in any particular order).

31. An able and relatively healthy body to do all the things I want to do (besides still not being able to donate blood - dammit hemogloboodles!)

30. Being financially comfortable to afford simple conveniences of the modern world. (I can afford to buy things and going on trips.)

29. The internet - where I can get to buy things online, learn new things, keep abreast what things happening in the world, and keep in contact with my friends and family.

28. Book Depository - I’m a regular customer and fan.

27. Youtube - for keeping me entertained and informed.

26. Libby - my favourite new digital library app. I’ve been reading a lot more and listening to lots of audiobooks ever since i started using it.

25. Skype - My communication portal for the nightly konbanwas with Ling-san.

24. Telegram - My communication portal for all the morning ohaiyos with Jan-chan.

23. The GUI web and digital marketing team - we’ve been meeting almost weekly to work on various things and it really feels great to be part of something and working hard together as volunteers. Even though we sometimes don’t really know what we’re doing, it’s heartening to see our efforts going into something good. Even though the future for GUI is uncertain, we hope to keep this kampung spirit going strong to impact as many people as we can.

22. Medium - An essential source of learning on various design and industry best practices. I probably owe much of my career to this blog publishing site.

21. Coffee - This year I developed a preference for black coffee. Lulu said only psychopaths drink coffee black with no sugar. I beg to differ. Or am I psycho?

20. Wireless bluetooth technology - I love my cheap $20 earphones from Lazada. I wear it to exercise at my aunty gym corner downstairs while listening to podcasts. And I wear it on my commute. It’s an any-purpose kind of earphones.

19. Long walks - I love walking around the neighbourhood by myself on weekends while listening to an audiobook.

18. Long walks with my family - This year’s Mother’s Day my fam decided to have a picnic at Punggol waterfront and after that we walked for 4 hours to Hougang. It was tiring but memorable. And I realised that once we got over the painful parental nagging part of the conversation, things can be quite pleasant.

17. Patient friends who are willing to listen to my nerdy book presentations - I make use of them to revise what i’ve learnt from the books I read.

16. My loving work family - Jessie, Shirshir, Vikas korkor, Lily, Lulu, Elwin, Shishi, Jan-chan, and of cos our boss, Pranav. They make me look forward to coming to work every day.

15. My parents - though they never outwardly express their affections but I know they care for us deeply. Despite all their nagging, it is always out of concern for us. And I like that they never complain when I bring them out to do shenanigans like climbing mountains in New Zealand.

14. Having a comfortable housing - I have lived in this flat ever since I was born. Although the walls crack and the tap doesn’t always have the best water pressure, I like having my own space in my room. And all my stuff. Though now sitting at my desk and looking around, maybe I should consider marie-kondoing...

13. Headspace - Although I don’t meditate as often as I’d like to, this app has provided my much needed companion to get into the mood. Recently I discovered their sleepcasts mode which makes bedtime much more interesting and soothing (I love that narrator’s voice)

12. Late night talkshow hosts - Thank you Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah for the entertainment that is American politics and world affairs.

11. Postcards - I love writing as much as receiving postcards from friends. It is always a delight to hear from friends who got surprised from receiving a card from me. This is such a simple gesture that can bring so much joy, I wonder why people don’t do it more.

10. Each-A-Cup - they truly are the most underrated bubble tea shop. I appreciate that they brew every cup with tea leaves on the spot per order. My all-time favourite order is hot earl grey milk tea, 25% sugar, no pearls. Ordered with my reusable tea mug and cup holder, of course. 

9. Apple Pay - I appreciate places that accept digital payments. I now no longer have to fumble around with my wallet and holding up the queue. Although it always makes spending money much more easy and I have to be more mindful about that. 

8. ReOps Slack - This is a very active online community of researchers. I’m learning so much from the conversations happening in there which is pretty useful to bring into our research team at work.

7. Vipassana - recently my parents started looking into meditation in their own way and seems like they are seeing benefits of it. I’m still hoping to get them to join a proper retreat one day.

6. Empress Porridge - I look forward to Wednesdays when they have their special chicken and century egg porridge. Which I would, of course, dabao with my container and get 50 cents off. 

5. Journal notebooks - Ever since last year’s bday (when jan-chan gave me my first book) I have cultivated a habit of writing down details about my day. This gives me space to reflect. And sometimes noting down seemingly mundane things is a good mindfulness practice in itself.

4. My job - I have stepped into a new role at work this year and I think I’m still struggling to figure it out. But someone reminded me recently that if something is easy it’s probably not worth doing. 

3. Ground-Up Initiative - This is a community where I have met so many kind, interesting, passionate, and wise individuals. I feel inspired and renewed every time I go to the kampung. This place made me feel hope years ago when I almost felt jaded about Singapore. 

2.  Being Singaporean - Despite all the complains, I still feel lucky to grow up in a country where I don’t have to worry about safety, education, political instability. And I have freedom to travel almost anywhere with this passport. 

1. My privileges - To be growing up in a stable country. To be in a middle income bracket. To receive a world-class education. To have free access to information. To be able bodied. To be bilingual in English and Mandarin. To be a designer. To be human. 

I think I should be spending more time thinking about, how can I best leverage on these privileges to drive more positive impact? Sometimes I think about how I am just one person. How can little old me be any use to the world? I am sometimes lazy, sometimes shy, sometimes fearful, and sometimes just feel not good enough. Yes, they are excuses and may seem very valid. But I try to also remind myself these other conditions that put me in better position than others in the world to do something to help improve things. 

So far in my 31 years on Earth, I wonder how much net contribution/destruction I have made. If only there is a formula and a way to track that because I think it is always useful to take stock and review our footprint on this world. But at the same time, we are all going to die one day, so does it all matter? 

Heh, morbid way to end this birthday reflection, desuyo?