#(but only when the enemies are being monumentally stupid)

[saltineofswing]

So I’ve been practicing my Scorch…

[starlight-write]

lee!Vox and ler!Alastor fic??? 🤔🤔

Stalker

Requests: Open

Summary: Vox's little obsession with stalking his nemesis lands him into a bit of trouble.

Pairings: Lee!Vox, Ler!Alastor (Mommy Issues)

Warnings: Tickling, Swearing

Words: 1666

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It was a common understanding for most of Hell’s residents that you’d have to either be brave or stupid to be caught on the streets of Hell in the middle of the night, especially alone. Unless of course you were powerful enough to be considered a threat yourself.

Fortunately, our favorite TV Overlord was a perfect mix of powerful, brave, and stupid.

Vox whistled to himself as he walked out the doors of the antique shop, having just planted a shit load of spyware in case that bastard tried to interrupt another one of his broadcasts.

Velvette had given him an earful that afternoon going on about how he was "obsessed" and "borderline psychotic" referring to his recent attempts at gathering intel (not stalking thank you very much) on his enemy.

"He's a threat to our image! The two of you should be thanking me!"

Their little argument sparked when Velvette noticed the pathetic little man had spent a concerning amount of time in front of his gigantic screen wall. Having sent multiple drones that week to spy on the hotel and its residents.

While he still hadn't found any useful information on his nemesis, just knowing where that bastard was at all times was enough to calm his nerves.

Still not stalking.

The Overlord strolled down the sidewalk with his face buried into his phone checking for updates from the drones.

He noticed one of them was offline, only returning a black screen. Vox swiped furiously on the device, heart racing as he tried to figure out what the FUCK was going on?!

Vox picked up his pace a little bit, his screen buried in the other screen, not at all aware of his surroundings.

The man was to consumed by his panic to realize he was being followed before it was too late.

Vox screamed when he felt someone snatch his arms before dragging the man into the dark alleyway he was just about to pass by.

The creep managed to drag him a good distance down the alley before he came out of his shock enough to fight back.

The man twisted, turned, kicked, punched but only managed to free himself once he let off a good amount of electricity. However, his attacker recovered quickly and a fight broke between the two.

Thankfully not a long one. Soon enough, four tendrils emerged from the wall and wrapped around each of the man's limbs before yanking his body and pinning it to the wall.

Vox grunted and emitted more of his electrical shocks before realizing these things were immune. The tendrils had him pinned several inches off the ground with both arm on each side of his screen. He pulled and tugged at the bonds before realizing how monumentally screwed he was.

An annoyed sigh prompted him to look up at his attacker. Only the small light from his screen allowing him to identify the other.

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Alastor stalked towards the other, his menacing smile never faltered as he stared daggers into the trapped man.

The demon stopped mere centimeters away from Vox's face before delivering a quick punch to the wall right next to the other's screen causing the brick to crumble.

"Were you a fucking formula baby or some shit?!" Alastor hissed, stepping away slightly. "Did your mother deprive you of attention that bad that you have go around seeking it from everyone else?!" The demon snarled, seemingly pulling Vox's missing drone out of nowhere as he threw it in front of his feet.

"That's besides the point-" He said. "I MEAN-!"

Alastor snatched the other man's tie forcing their faces together again. "What exactly were you hoping to find, hm? Do tell because I'm dying to know what intel could possibly be valuable enough for you to get your soul torn to shreds over."

Vox smiled down at his captor, completely unfazed by the threat. "HA! You don't scare me, Alastor. Besides, there's nothing in that crappy hotel that was worth seeing anyways. All I saw was shitty improv skits and a bunch of half-assed attempts at redemption. The whole place is one big-fat-fucking-joke, which makes sense considering your clown ass is running the show."

Alastor felt his eye twitch but released his hold on the other's tie, causing his neck to snap up and bang his head on the brick wall.

"That mouth of yours is going to be the death of you, my friend."

Vox shook his head, trying to get his bearings once more. "Don't call me that. And let me go already, I'm not telling you anything."

"What else is there to tell?" Alastor asked, picking up the discarded drone. "You've already proven yourself to be quite desperate for my attention, I figured the best way to punish you for this little stunt is by giving you exactly what you want." Alastor stared the demon down as he crushed the drone with his bare hands.

Vox laughed. "Oh, I'm soooo scared! What are you gonna do? Bore me to death with your little- AAH!" Vox screamed when he felt the other's hands grab his waist.

"Not exactly." The demon laughed.

Oh shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT. NO-!

A million memories suddenly flooded Vox's mind. Memories of laughing his guts out under the other demon. Memories of their their little 'fights' that occurred when one or both of them were bored, which Vox always seemed to lose. Memories of Alastor completely losing his patience and tickling Vox mercilessly until he was in tears.

Alastor smiled, relishing in the sight of that cocky smirk being wiped off his rivals face. The demon snickered as he tightened his grip around the other's waist. "Oh Vox, did you really think I would forget? You've begged for my attention countless times like this before, remember? I know exactly how to shut that big mouth of yours~"

Vox started to squirm, the hands weren't even moving yet but just the thought of it sent tingles through the demon's skin.

"Wait- hehA!- Wahait! th-This is sihilly. C'mon, surely yohohou can thinkik of a better wahahay to- AAAHH!" Vox shouted as those hands began slowly pinching up and down his sides.

Alastor chuckled, softly raking his fingers along the other's sides. "I don't think so, old pal. You've had this coming for a long time now."

Vox shook his head as much as he could, given what little space he had. Failing to suppress his giggles as he tugged furiously at his restraints.

"fuhuhuhuck- no- no plehehehease! wahahahahahait- wahahait a minute!" Quiet, panicked giggles were forced from his throat. Remembering how unbearable the softer tickles proved to be, Vox squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth but still couldn't hope to block out the unbearable tingling sensation.

"Begging already?" Alastor teased. "That's no fun. You know we're just getting started right?~"

Vox cursed at the teasing. Unintentionally emitting electric sparks due to his flustered state. Alastor remembered how easy it was for the man to overheat and took the teasing down a notch. Instead switching tactics and opting to scribble viciously under his arms.

Vox blue-screened for a split second before letting out a high pitch squeal. Full on cackling at this point while he desperately tried to pull his arms down.

"AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!- HOLD ON- HOLD OHOHOHON!!! WAHAHAHIT AHAHAHALASTAAAAA- PLEHEHEHEAHAHA-"

Alastor had that self-satisfied smile he always wore whenever he got what he wanted. Vox hated that smile.

"Oh come now Vox~ You're well on your way to be one of the most powerful Overlords in Hell! Surely this can't be all it takes to break you~"

Vox's screen began to glitch and the whirring of the fans became audible as the man began to overheat.

Oh, right. Teasing is a no-go if we want to continue.

Alastor sighed. Well, if talking was too much for Vox, maybe he'd prefer something else instead~

The hands suddenly removed themselves from underneath Vox's arms and moved to either side of his head. The Overlord was to busy cooling down and catching his breath to realize that the other was positioning his face at the crook of his neck.

The feeling of sharp teeth gently nibbling at his neck was enough to snap him back to reality and into another hysterical fit.

"nononONO!- WAHA-AAAIIEEE- WAHAHAAAAA- AHAHAHAHA!!"

Vox cackled and screamed at the intense feeling. Fighting with everything he had to free himself from his bonds, panic flooded his systems at the feeling of being hopelessly trapped and completely at the other's mercy.

To which, of course, Alastor had none.

The demon could feel the heat radiating from the TV demon's systems and knew the poor, pathetic man didn't have much fight left in him.

Deciding to go for the kill, Alastor repositioned his hands at the other's hips and began squeezing rapidly while also blowing a few raspberries at his neck for good measure.

Yeah, Vox literally didn't last half a second.

No screaming. No cackling. No fighting. The demon's screen just glitched brutally before going black and his body instantly went limp.

Alastor pulled back and looked at his victim for a moment.

"Well, shit." He sighed.

He'll admit, he'd been itching to do that again for some time now but it seems he got carried away and the fun got cut short.

Oh well. He was sure there would be a next time.

Alastor grabbed the other's phone and released his body, letting it drop gracelessly on the floor of the alleyway.

Charlie had taught him the basics of how to work one of these things and thankfully Vox was cocky enough to not enable a password on his device.

Assuming the contact name "Doll-Faced Bitch" was one of his colleagues, he sent a photo of Vox's limp body as well as the location before tossing the phone away and heading back to the hotel.

Someday, he'll learn not to mess with The Radio Demon.

But hopefully not anytime soon.

[cephalopod-celabrator]

Which major Greek gods I think you least want to get on the bad side of:

They will be rated on a scale of 1 to 10 based on how easily provoked they are, how effective they are at getting revenge, and how likely they are to take your loved ones as casualties. 0 means you're fine, 10 means that you are in fact fucked

Zeus: 8/10 Now Zeus is one of the most easily provoked, because in order for him to endanger your life all you need to do is be attractive or be near someone attractive. If he dislikes you he'll kill you and if he likes you his wife will kill you. Neither of them are known for being precise with their wrath, so you're family, especially any child had with Zeus, are going to be in for it too. The only reason he's not higher is because he might, might, protect you from Hera and he doesn't really have the attention span or precision to make sure that he finishes the job if he tries to kill you Poseidon: 8/10 The lord of the ocean is lest lustful than his lil bro, a low bar, but he's still pretty easy to provoke. He's also not very good at making sure the job gets done, but he is probably the most indiscriminate with his wrath. He'll endanger your friends, your family, everyone near you, and/or your city if he feels like it. Hades: 5/10 Now Hades is pretty hard to piss off, all things considered. Don't go out of your way to defy him, his wife, or the natural order of death and you'll be fine. The only reason he's not at like a 2 is because if you do cross him or his wife Persephone, you are so spectacularly fucked. He might not do anything to you in life but once you shuffle off that mortal coil oh boy. Enjoy being physically and psychologically tortured for literal eternity. Hestia: 0/10 Okay, you have to try like crazy hard to piss of Hestia. It takes monumental stupidity and even if you do, probably the worse she'll do is refuse to ever bless you again. But you should still be ashamed of yourself. Hera: 6.5/10 She has more self-control than her husband and if you're careful you can avoid breaking any of her rules, but if you catch his eye then I'm sorry. Your family will likely be in danger if you draw her ire, and you don't have great chances of survival but it's not impossible. Demeter: 5/10 As far as gods go she's one of the more laid back ones, except when it comes to her daughter. I mean, mess with her nymphs or what have you and your ass is dead, but you'd have to be pretty stupid to draw her attention. The only reason she's not lower is that she causes starvation and hypothermia through the winter she brings each year, but there's not much you can do about that. Athena: 6.5/10 It depends on the interpretation of her but she usually won't smite people unless they directly challenge her or whatnot, but she's still got a bit of a temper on her. And it should be self-explanatory as to why making an enemy of the goddess of strategy and war is not a good idea Hermes: 2/10 I honestly can't think of any myths about the wrath of Hermes, but he still seems like a guy who can be dangerous if you end up on the wrong side of him Ares: 5/10 You'd think the god of carnage and war would be higher, but you're main concern with him is if you end up on the battlefield with him or if you directly aggress against him or those close to him. Dionysus: 6/10 I'd say he falls about middle of the road when it comes to the touchiness of gods, but I really wouldn't recommend pissing off the god of madness. I was going to give him a lower score then remembered the herd of murderous maniac women who follow him, so. Aphrodite: 8/10 Aphrodite is probably the easiest god to piss off because she will take anything as an insult and might randomly decide that you need to die so your partner can get with someone else or something. She's sloppy about her work too, which both means that you have relatively good chances of escaping her wrath and that everyone around you is likely to get caught up in it Hephaestus: 2/10 I mean, he mostly targets his anger at other gods who have wronged him, but I could see a mortal ending up as collateral of some scheme of his. Mostly the dude wants to be left alone

Apollo: 10/10 Yeah, this dude has one of the highest bodycounts of any Olympian, both in terms of murders and hook-ups. And quite a few combinations of both. He's almost hornier than Zeus and less likely to discrimenate between men and women, but his lovers have a slightly higher survival rate. He's pretty easy to piss off and when you do get on his bad side, you're unlikely to find a proportionate response. He will unleash plague, disaster, and/or a rain of arrows on anyone who he doesn't like the vibe of. Artemis: 9.5/10 Now you could argue that Apollo and her should switch ratings, but I think the twins are probably the deadliest gods out there. Artemis is also quite easy to piss off and if you don't give the proper offerings or disrespect her, she will show you that the bow isn't decorative or maybe send wild animals to rip you apart. You'll be lucky if she stops at you though, because your kids or really anyone in the same country as you are a potential casualty. I would say out of all the gods, Artemis is the least likely to fail to kill someone she's decided needs to be six feet under. She doesn't miss. And if you hit on her, you've basically just signed your own death warrant.

[all-the-heart-you-cannot-see]

REBELDE S2 WAS A HOT MESS (major spoilers ahead)

Plot

I think conceptually speaking having Gus as a villain this season was a good idea. Who can be a bigger enemy to music than s producer only interested in money who exploits his artists? I hated that he died in the end. Biggest wtf of the season, now he exits the next season completely and our mains are left to deal with the fallout in what most likely will be an attempt to copy Elite. Rebelde is about the music and the highschool drama not an student accidentally killing one of the most important producers in the country, what?????

Characters

Esteban was interesting this season, i like that tried to kind of make him the villain. Him getting sucked into Gus bullshit and doing whatever it took to be the best was a nice change from him being really plain last season. I hated him 80% of this seasons runtime but at least this was intentional on the writer's part. I'm so not looking forward to the murder plot with him next season.

Jana works better when she is alone than with Esteban, they make each other lamer, I thought her arc about not having to always please everybody was cool, and i don't think her conflict at the beginning of the season with MJ was nonsensical at all. She's 16, of course she's jealous of someone who could steal her spotlight, not to mention MJ was her friend and left her and the band to go with Jana's shitty ex lol. I like that the girls ended up together at the end and it didn't feel like something forced to me, so many things had happened to them by that point that the reason they were fighting in the first place probably felt stupid anyways.

Dixon is one my favorites lol, this guy is ride or die with everybody. He was willing to keep going with the band, to forgive MJ, he was even trying to help Esteban before he turned into an asshole, i think he's actually the most mature one of the bunch. Whether he was the best in the class depends on personal taste but I think it was well done in the sense that he was the only one to stand up to Gus and remain true to himself as an artist. I like his friendship with Jana cause we almost never get platonic relationship in teen media between girls and boys without feelings being involved, i screamed when they kissed but I hope they keep it as a "we were just too drunk" thing. I liked him with MJ at first, now I think he deserves better.

MJ didn't really have an arc this season, she was just doing her own thing, the actress is a really talented singer so I wish she was more present in the race for Gus's contract. I think she and Sebastian were pretty cute together but I could see their breakup coming from a mile away (more on this in his section). I didn't mind her bit with the pregnancy scare (sin gorrito no hay fiesta, guys) and i just want her to have more to do next season.

Fucking Sebastian. I like to believe that if he knew Gus was such a monumental asshole he wouldn't have done what he did at the end. I thought his arc about being a better person because of MJ was cute however what was wrong from the start is he was changing because of her so I knew the moment she was gone, he was going to go back. My guy just needs therapy and i would have more sympathy for him if his entire villain arc in s1 wasn't based around him being classist lol. (Also I can't believe we were doing the i can fix him in the year of our lord 2022).

I hate what they did to Andi and Emelia. I didn't mind Andi's addiction arc per se because it's pretty common in the music industry, I hate that it made her absent for a pretty good chunk of the major drama this season and that they broke her up with Emelia that way. The thing is, i don't think before the song thing they were actually "bad for each other" their relationship didn't have any major problems before so breaking them up was the most homophobic act of 2022.

Luka is above good and evil in the show, he's kind of an ass but he has been like that since day one and everybody has learned to tolerate him so really, he's just fun. I hope they would've spent more time with him an Okane being actually together but they are only a thing in the last 3 episodes and Luka is literally unconscious in the last one so we were given cruuuuuuumbs. I thought the scarf thing was really cute, I love them, please don't take them away.

I didn't expect much from Okane but he was a pleasant surprise. It's a shame they ruined his storyline with Jana by adding the sex tape thing because he gave her actual good advice (apart from the drugs) and i think they could have s great friendship dynamic, he could certainly make her more interesting. Idk where he went at the end, i just want him to be left alone in this entire bullshit plotline and be happy and home with Luka.

[k-s-morgan]

I had a question about Merlin! What do you think about the portrayal of Arthur? Don't get me wrong I love him and Merlin and their obsession but Arthur never striked me as a memorable leader. He's just a good warrior and that's it? He's not legendary like in legends. Is it a writing flaw or on purpose? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Hey! Oh, that's a really great question.

I think you are right in that, yes, Arthur is not a memorable leader. He's not someone who can be remembered through the ages. He didn't bring about the Golden Time, he didn't really unite the kingdom. He's an impressive fighter; he is courageous and loyal, and his people genuinely love him. But that's it. He's malleable as a leader; he's not particularly intelligent; he doesn't have the sharpness or strong ambitions. He just wants his kingdom to prosper and to live in peace; he never really initiates anything, just going with the flow and defending his people against the enemies when they come instead of spending time building alliances. He's insecure and in need of support and guidance.

Arthur is great as an army commander, but even there, his nobility sometimes pushes him into stupid, suicidal actions and blinds him to people's true motivations. By all accounts, Arthur is just a strong knight who also happened to be a king, and whose name would be forgotten in several generations... except that Merlin loves him.

Merlin's obsession with Arthur is so bright, so fanatical, so deeply personal that I think it has all layers at once, from friendship to infatuation and love. Merlin is a King Maker: he's the shadow fuelling Arthur's brilliance. It's Merlin who has all power in the world, and, in his own words, he uses it for Arthur and Arthur only.

Merlin secures the most memorable victories for him, letting Arthur get the glory and enjoying his disbelieving happiness. Merlin makes up the story about the sword in a stone, and it's his magic that helps Arthur pull it out. Merlin restores his faith, protects him time and time again, and carries the idea of Arthur being the king of all kings.

I find this approach of writers fascinating because they made Arthur an ordinary person whose memory lived on for over a thousand of years just because Merlin loved him. Jumping forward, to the moment where Merlin is in modern times and where Arthur's name lives on: I'm sure it's Merlin who's behind it. I can see him whispering stories to writers, organizing the creation of monuments, commissioning portraits and spreading the legend until the entire world heard it.

I love that the show was never about greatness; it's all about love.

[ladyluscinia]

Pretty boring take on the whole deal between Izzy, Spanish Jackie, and Badminton to me is when people kind of imply it was an above board arrest of pirates on the Navy side.

Like - ok, first, I do have completely genuine and serious thoughts about the whole thing I alluded to here where Chauncey is acting as a person who wants revenge and not an agent of the empire and that accidentally screws him over on a narrative level (in a different way than being the empire would) by allowing everyone around to be people too. But beyond that...

This isn't a real arrest! It's a bunch of dirty cops doing an off the record meeting with mobsters in a warehouse! There's lots of fandom discussion on Izzy's deal with the devil but Chauncey did the same thing! Not much of a bitter deal for him if the extent of his sacrifice was having to enter Jackie's bar.

No, Chauncey is not operating with the full control of the situation and enforced power of the British Empire, and you can tell.

I mean, The Plan - prior to Edward and the Act of Grace - was for Chauncey to sail over, make a big show of arresting and interrogating all these pirates to confirm what he already knew (that Stede killed his brother), hold a sham trial to tell Stede dramatically that he was going to die, kill Stede, and then leave all the other pirates and the ship with Izzy, Ivan, and Fang entirely free to go about their business. (Like, they do this. No one on Stede's crew is even bound during the episode and none of them need an Act of Grace.) Izzy can be dumb sometimes, but it would be entirely new monumental levels of stupid to have no guarantees that this was going to happen beyond an Admiral's pinky promise, and even stupider on Chauncey's part not to immediately renege on this deal and arrest / kill every pirate on the ship. Unless he couldn't. And it becomes really fucking obvious that he couldn't once Edward gets caught too.

(If I'm going to speculate, that's probably what Spanish Jackie is bringing to this deal. She's negotiated with the Spanish Navy before. Presumably she has a way to ensure the Brits don't do something like just arrest everyone as soon as they have Stede - just like how Geraldo can safely head home from the Spanish ship despite apparently being an infamous gang member.)

Chauncey literally has Blackbeard in custody happily admitting to death penalty crimes and he's just announcing mid "trial" that Edward will be heading out with his First Mate on Stede's ship without any sort of punishment or supervision? And no one questions this at all? Yeah, no fucking way are the actual events of this day in any way official, nor do I buy that Chauncey did not already have his hands tied in some way making him just let Edward go. The "legal record" stuff is all just pageantry / falsifying evidence for the story later and everyone's in on it. Also why Stede's Act of Grace doesn't mean shit unless Edward signs too. This isn't a real arrest that Stede's legalese-ing his way out of. It's just Edward making a better offer (+ required narrative spin) to the other British officers than Jackie and Izzy did.

Somehow - and this is a comedy so we're going to waive the actual how - the only person whose fate was up in the air was Stede. Which works really well in terms of all the antagonists getting together to make an "enemy of my enemy" deal, and for Chauncey getting blinded and eventually screwed over by his quest for vengeance. If he'd done things officially, as a pirate hunter going after a pirate, then he wouldn't have had Edward and Stede's crew just hanging around in the peanut gallery to screw him over. Probably wouldn't have been doing this in an isolated spot in the middle of nowhere at all. But he made a deal instead, and sacrificed control of the situation for it.

Which is why I find it kind of lame and boring to read the situation like Chauncey did have the power to just do whatever he wanted, and instead simply chose to let everyone go and not screw over Izzy for giggles or weird antagonist solidarity. As if he had the opportunity to put "guy who executed fucking Blackbeard" on his list of accomplishments but wasn't feeling it that day, so might as well just release him.

This definitely throws a wrench in blaming Izzy for all the hypothetical stuff that could have gone wrong in a real arrest (and for stuff that didn't happen like "selling" Edward - a British citizen who can't just be sold to some guy by the Navy even if he was actually in custody), but it actually makes sense as a deal all these people would make instead of Izzy, Ivan, and Fang just strolling onto a ship with fingers crossed that arresting bonus pirates is not a priority today.

[minniedoozer]

I’ve been thinking a lot about Watcher!Joel lately. I didn’t watch evo so my knowledge is limited to what my friends tell me about it and things I’ve absorbed through osmosis, but in the context of Joel’s Empires season I feel like there’s a lot there for Watcher!Joel (again only from what I’ve gleaned I could be very wrong). I know his finale was largely a joke and Joel being stupid but WHY does he have the most compelling story (I hate him he’s my no.1 enemy). First of all, just the premise of him being the last of his kind, the only god left and making monuments/shrines to remember them is sooo…Then we take his finale where the on of the “lore gods” (watchers) come down and tell Joel how they’ve been watching him the entire time and testing him for his worthiness and deciding he is in fact worthy to ascend and join the overseers of lore (WATCHERS!!!). I just think it would be an interesting thing to explore especially since Joel is so unserious when it comes to lore. Like that could be translated as a loss in disbelief in the higher gods (maybe Joel’s a demigod) and he’s refusing to worship them/participate in the religion. But suddenly he feels called to work on making sure the other demigods, his friends, aren’t forgotten, and losing his friends could be some sick way of the watchers pushing Joel to make some changes and decisions so that he can be molded into the perfect watcher. I’m having thoughts. I’m having many thoughts....

[firawren]

Beauty and the Brute

Chapter 8, “No one hits like Gaston, matches wits like Gaston” rated M, now posted

Chapters: 8/12 now posted Fandom: Beauty and the Beast (Disney Animated Movies) Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Belle/Gaston Other Characters: Jonathan “Black Jack” Randall (Outlander), Lord John Grey (Outlander), LeFou, Original Characters

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Outlander Fusion, Marriage of Convenience, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Some Humor, Good Person Gaston, Sharing a Bed, Porn with Feelings, see full list of tags on AO3

Summary:

Maybe if she had had a night to sleep on it, maybe if she hadn’t been trembling and dizzy with fear, she would have chosen differently. But really, it was the only way. To keep herself safe from the sadistic Captain “Black Jack” Randall, Belle had no choice but to marry that ridiculous brute Gaston. He’s handsome, but spoiled, selfish, and unkind, a true beast of a man. He finds her stubborn, contrary, and not at all like an obedient little wife should be. It seems impossible that they could ever become friends, let alone fall in love. But maybe, with a bit of understanding, reflection, and transformation, they can get their fairy tale happy ending after all.

A retelling of Beauty and the Beast 1991, with Gaston in the role of the beast, set in an 18th century Outlander-inspired AU where England won its wars with France and now has authority over the country, and Belle and Maurice are English refugees living in France.

Excerpt from chapter 8:

“This isn’t a blasted competition, Randall!” Gaston took a few steps after him, but was wary of going any further into the wolves’ territory. “Stop being a fool and come back with me!”

Randall didn’t bother looking back to answer. “I don’t need the protection of a thick-skulled, stinking French peasant.”

Gaston bared his teeth, growled, clenched his fists. Turn around and leave the son of a bitch to die, he thought—and then, No. The snarl fell away from his face. No. He wouldn’t let that happen.

But it was already too late, for the first wolf had appeared, its ears flattened to its head and growling. Randall turned to the side but was met by a second wolf. "Get away!" he said as though merely annoyed, and swung his gun at the one in front of him. It hopped back, but a third wolf behind Randall nipped at his boots, and he stumbled. “Get back you bloody beasts!” he shouted, raising his gun at them.

“Randall! Back away!” Gaston bellowed at him, but Randall ignored him, either from continued arrogance or a blossoming fear of the group of at least five snarling wolves that now surrounded him. “Fuck!” Gaston gritted out as he began to run toward Randall.

Randall fired toward the wolf in front of him, but at the same moment it leapt in the air toward his chest, escaping the shot and knocking Randall off his feet. His musket flew from his hand and he thrashed out wildly at the wolf snapping at his face. He screamed when the wolf’s teeth ripped at his arm, then another at his leg. They were all attacking now, a snarling, vicious mass.

Gaston looped off to the side to avoid coming at them head-on; maybe their frenzied focus on Randall would give him an extra second or two to get close before they noticed him. He knew it was still monumentally stupid to be running at this instead of away from it, but it was the best chance he had to get Randall out. It would be impossible, even for him, to shoot all those wolves without hitting the man underneath them.

Continue reading chapter 8 “No one hits like Gaston, matches wits like Gaston” of “Beauty and the Brute” on AO3

[basic204]

You should never have touched the strange glowing spear.

"You should never have touched the strange glowing spear." I repeated to myself for the hundredth... yeah, it had to be at least that many as I raised my slim, perfect arm, and deflected the tank's sabot round with my palm. I mean sure, it’s amazing being nigh invulnerable to harm, but was being pulled to every area of conflict on Earth 24/7 worth it? I mean the soldiers can't even actually see me as I stalk the battlefield, watching, encouraging, leaning down to whisper "If you run to that boulder, you can throw the grenade into the hatch of that damned tank." Running my hands through the hair a young soldier about to break and run saying "Courage, I promise you will survive this" Touching a general on the shoulder as he pours over his maps and making him see the best way to smash the enemy's flank without losing too many of his men. As amazing as it all is being in this beautiful, perfect form, I'd give it all up if I could just go back to standing while I damned well pee again.

I guess I should explain how this started a little better. After I got out of the Army, I moved back into my parents’ old house. Ms. Stratos been part of the neighborhood as long as I can remember. She was the crotchety old biddy that every neighborhood hates. Weeds in your yard because you've been working doubles for a month, she'd call the HOA. Get together at your house with your friends ran one minute past 10pm, the cops would be on your doorstep because "She called about a wild party". When we were kids, and cut through her yard she would go full scorched earth, shaking her cane, screaming, HOA, cops. I don't think there was a soul on this Earth that she liked.

Not long after I came home, I was pressure washing my driveway, when she walked over and asked if I could do her walkway when I was done. Her voice, which I had only ever heard as a shrill shriek my whole life, was full, rich, and commanding, and did not belong on a wisp of a crone like this, it was more like the voice I'd heard from every colonel, and general I'd ever served with, that is the kind you don't say no to. After I finished her walk, I cleaned her driveway as well since it looked like shit, and frankly, part of me was afraid of half-assing it.

As I was wrapping up, her garage door opened and there was a pair of lawn chairs, and a cooler. Were sitting just inside. She motioned me to sit, fished out a beer, and handed it to me before she sat down. She didn't say a word, and just looked over the driveway with a slight nod of approval. We never spoke a word, just sat drinking our beer, watching the neighbors walk by, giving her glances that ranged from fear to contempt. When the beer was done, I gathered my things, and crossed the street to my house.

Thus it went for a few years. I'd be doing something outside, look up, and she would be there asking me to help her with something. Repairing windows, changing the float in the toilet, replacing a ceiling fan. Her house was a monument to clutter. Souvenirs from all over the world, pictures showing a younger, much hotter version of Ms. Stratos. Each task I completed was followed by a trip to the garage for beer, and laughing at the neighbors.

One day, after I replaced her garbage disposal, she pointed at the scars on my arms and asked. "Those still hurt?" I shook my head "Nah, these I don't even notice, its the plates, and screws holding my legs together that hurt like hell." I shrugged "IED, Kandahar. Could have been worse, if I hadn't listened to that little voice in my head to stop, I'd have driven right over it. It was the difference between living and dying." She nodded with a sad smile and laid her hand on my cheek. "Its a good thing you listened to that voice then, most don't." She looked me right in the eyes. "Part of you misses it, I can tell." I nodded. "I miss teaching the young guys so they didn't get themselves killed doing something stupid. Mostly, I just wanted to walk into the HQ, and tell those idiots with the stars on their shoulders, everything that they are doing wrong, and how to fix it." I swear, it was like her eyes lit with fire for a moment and she said coldly. "Is that what you really want? To help the soldiers, and fix things?" I laughed to break the tension and said "Yeah, wouldn't that be fucking great?" I quickly left, as things were getting a bit intense for me.

The siren from the ambulance woke me at midnight, and I went outside in time to see them loading Ms. Stratos into the back. Fighting the paramedics, she clawed the oxygen mask from her face, and pointed at me. Her voice rang clear as a bell. "I'm leaving it in your hands, you can take up the spear now." I watched the lights until they were lost around the corner. I found out that she died on the way to the hospital. A lawyer named Nina Themis contacted me a little while later, informing me that I was the sole beneficiary of the estate of one Athena Stratos, and, with the exception of a few items she had donated to various museums, was entitled to her house, and everything contained within it.

It was a few weeks before I could bring myself to go over there, and start cleaning out the place. When I entered, the place simply felt dead, and hollow without her personality filling it. I spent an hour checking out things that I had always wondered about. A few statues in marble, a stabbing spear I swear must have been a prop from the movie Zulu, a huge painting of the Parthenon, mostly hidden behind a pair of cabinets holding Hummel figurines. I was at a loss where to start when I saw a curious light coming from under a side room. I had to put my shoulder to the door to get it open, but there are advantages to being 6' 3", and 220 pounds of muscle. Moving through stacks of boxes, filled with what appeared to be Jane's Defence Weekly, and Soldier of Fortune magazines, I saw it.

It sat on the armor tree, the metal looking like liquid gold. Burnished bronze was my guess. Breastplate, helmet, greaves over a pristine white tunic, all in the most classical Greek style, right out of the museums, and leaning on it was a spear that, I shit you not, was glowing like a fucking light saber. As freaked out as that was, I just couldn't help myself. If you tell me you wouldn't have done the same, I'd call you a liar to your face. There was no heat, as I grasped it, but the glow enveloped my whole body instantly. I felt a burning sensation as my clothes disintegrated. I felt agony as I looked down to see the hair fall from my rapidly slimming legs, and a wet clank, as the plates, and screws that had been my tormentors for years, hit the floor. My arms slimmed, becoming the color of marble, and my pecs started doing things that I didn't want to think about.. There was an uncomfortable feeling in my groin, and I gave out a scream as, with a pop, everything inverted. The armor on the stand flowed onto my body, and took its proper place. With a final flare, the glow snapped off, and I could feel the knowledge of centuries of combat, and battles flowed into my brain, and I almost crashed to my knees.

I ran into the bathroom, stupid damned spear still in my hand, and flicked on the light. My heart sank as the face of a 6 foot tall goddess of a woman staring back at me. I looked down at my arms, and didn't see a scar, or even blemish on them. I leaned the spear on the hamper, and used both hands to lift the hem of the tunic up, as I watched in the mirror. Bracing, I saw exactly what I was expecting, an innie, where is should be an outie. I looked at myself in the mirror and could only say one thing. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"