#(for my Master's program you do a research project at the end

[flavia8]

Ugh. Gotta go to the Master's Project Fair.

[ctitan98official]

Anonymous: Oh man, seeing all this professor!Donna stuff makes me really want to see professor!Miranda content as well! Could I request something along those lines? Maybe the reader is a graduate student for a masters program under Miranda, and they start bonding. Miranda is pregnant with Eva (midway to end of the second trimester maybe) and isn’t sure that the reader will want to be with her, especially with the baby not being theirs, but the reader is ecstatic at the prospect of having a family with her and is even willing to put their degree on hold or swap programs to make it work because they care about her and Eva so much. Bonus points if the reader feels Eva kick against their palm in agreement of them being the other parent (bc that'd be cute).

Hell yeah! Also, I know Miranda’s last name is never revealed so I just went with “Balan” (That last name literally means ‘Blonde’ in Romanian XD) Felt weird to just have Y/N call her by her first name lol. Let’s get into it!

You were scared when you entered your Master’s program. What if it was too hard? What if you couldn’t keep up? You had almost given up before you really started.

However, when your program advisor, Dr. Miranda Balan, had been notified about your request to transfer to another school… She couldn’t let such a promising student go. She had seen your research and it was very impressive. She decided to take you under her wing and set up a meeting to talk with you.

Miranda is a world-class biologist. She’s worked on thousands of major projects. You’ve followed her work for many years and truly admire her. But now, you feel dumb just sitting in front of her.

However, the scientist’s beautiful silver eyes are kind as they assess you. “Now, Y/N. What’s this nonsense I hear about you wanting to transfer?” She asks with a smile.

You blush. So that’s what this is about. “I… just don’t think I’m going to do well in the program.” You tell her and nervously scratch the back of your neck.

Miranda quirks a concerned eyebrow. “Why do you think that, Y/N?” She asks.

“I’m not… Brilliant like you. I work hard, but, sometimes it just takes me longer to understand things.” You say.

Miranda nods in sympathy, but she also giggles at your unintentional compliment. “Well… Flattery will get you everywhere with me.” She jokes which makes you laugh a little bit as well. “But, I will personally see to it that you are not left behind. Think of me as your new mentor.” She says with a smile.

Your eyes widen at this.

“You can shadow me as I work and act as my lab assistant. Hands on learning is more effective than just lectures, after all.” She tells you. “Plus, we can also have some one-on-one tutoring sessions if you feel like you need help.” Miranda finishes with a grin.

Your eyes brighten at this. She’s so generous. Why is she doing this? “Um… Wow, thank you so much.” You say gratefully. “I, just… Um, do you really see that much potential in me? Why would you offer me this?” You ask quietly.

Miranda hums sadly at your lack of self-confidence. She knows exactly how you feel. It’s scary starting a new venture. She’s dealing with that at the moment herself, actually. “Well, Y/N, I’ve seen your work and… I know you will make a big name for yourself in science.” She tells you. “We need mavericks who are willing to take chances for the benefit of humankind. I think you fit that profile quite nicely.” She winks at you.

Oh shit. She’s so gorgeous you can’t even really focus on what she’s saying. “T-thank you. I’m honored.” You tell her, embarrassed.

Miranda chuckles at your heated cheeks. You’re adorable. “You asked me why I wanted to mentor you.” She says.

You nod fervently.

“The truth is, I’m at a crossroads in my life. I will not be working on anymore huge projects, except for my own research. I’ve been all over the world and… Now, I want to know what other things life has in store for me.” She says with a dreamy expression. “I have always loved to teach, and now, I want that to be my full-time career.” She smiles.

Wow… So Miranda will not be a part of those huge research teams any longer. She’s dead serious about changing course.

“Plus…” Miranda adds. She pauses before thinking about something. The blonde suddenly holds up a finger, motioning for you to wait a second. Miranda stands and goes to look outside her office doorway to make sure no one is listening in. Once she is satisfied that no one is around to hear, she closes the door before sitting down again.

You look at her in confusion but wait for her to speak.

“Y/N, what I want to tell you must remain a secret. You don’t have to stay and listen to this, but all I ask is for your discretion if you decide to hear what I have to say.” Miranda tells you seriously.

What could she be about to tell you? You can’t help your curiosity. “Okay. I’m ready.” You tell her with a determined glint in your eye.

Miranda giggles at you. So spirited. It reminds her of herself, actually. “Excellent. Well… There are two main things you should know.” She begins. “The first matter is that… I am expecting my first child.” Miranda reveals with a smile.

Your face is in awe. “Wow, really?” You ask in disbelief. You didn’t think she looked pregnant. Now, you’re trying to secretly look for any signs.

Miranda laughs at your poor attempt to remain stealthy as you examine her. “I’m only three months along, so it’s hard to tell.” She says. “The University does not know yet and I would like to keep this between us for a while. Would that be okay, Y/N?” She asks, suddenly worried that she has burdened you with this secret.

“Absolutely! That’s not my place to share with anyone else.” You answer.

Miranda internally breathes a sigh of relief. She trusts you. “I appreciate that, Y/N… I have been waiting for this little one all of my life.” She grins.

“Congratulations.” You tell her with a smile. For some reason, seeing Miranda’s eyes light up when she talks about her unborn child makes you feel warm and mushy on the inside. It’s sweet.

“Thank you, Y/N.” Miranda says happily. It feels… Good to get that off her chest. She doesn’t know why, but it feels even better that it’s you she’s talking to specifically. You’re so kind and most certainly a great listener. “Now, onto the next bit of information I want to share.” She tells you.

You nod and lean closer to listen.

“I… Would like for someone to continue the research I have worked on for most of my life. I can’t think of anyone I would enjoy training more than you, Y/N.” Miranda says sincerely.

Your eyes go wide. What an honor. Miranda’s research is groundbreaking. This could change your life. “Fuck yes!” You suddenly blurt out quite loudly before your cheeks go red at your reaction. “I m-mean, I just… Thank you Dr. Balan.” You tell her.

Miranda chuckles at your uncontrollable giddiness and excitement. “I’m so glad to hear that, Y/N. And please, Miranda is fine.” She tells you with a wink.

Oh man… You hope your quickly developing crush on her will not ruin this opportunity…

——————————————————————————

A few months pass by and you and Miranda have grown very close. She often invites you over for dinner and the two of you delight in each other’s presence.

You work closely with her in the lab and are hyper-vigilant as you make sure that Miranda isn’t exposed to anything that could harm her and the baby.

Miranda assures you that what you are researching is not hazardous, but you still worry.

One evening, as you two are cleaning up, you hear Miranda gasp softly and immediately place her hand on her stomach. You’re by her side immediately. “Are you okay?!” You ask her worriedly.

Miranda’s eyes are wide and her stance is rigid, but she eventually chuckles in astonishment. “I think this little one just kicked me for the first time.” She tells you with a breathtaking smile.

You brighten at this. “Really?!” You ask her excitedly.

Miranda giggles at your happy reaction. “Yes. Would you like to feel, Y/N?” She asks and reaches her hand out to yours.

“Yeah!” You agree. The baby has been a constant topic of conversation. You and Miranda have taken to jokingly asking the baby for their opinion as you work during the day. You’ve become very attached and they are not even born yet.

Miranda beams at your enthusiastic answer and gently guides your hand to where she felt the baby kick earlier. You both wait for a moment, but nothing. The baby has apparently decided that they would rather take a nap now.

“Aw, shoot… Maybe… They just don’t like me.” You say, trying not to be too disappointed.

Miranda coos at the sadness on your face. “It’s okay, Y/N. It’s still rather early for them to move too much. I’m sure they adore you.” She says. Miranda finds it precious to see how you’ve grown so fond of the baby.

It’s been amazing just getting to spend so much time with you as she experiences this pregnancy… It almost feels like you two are eager parents as you wait for the baby to get here.

Miranda’s train of thought immediately halts as she realizes just how much you mean to her. She can’t imagine life without you now… She’s developing feelings for you… And… She wants to raise this baby with you. Her cheeks burn as she tries to shake the poisonous thought from her mind. There’s no way you could ever feel the same. This isn’t your baby, after all. Miranda looks to you as she is silently wrestling with her unfounded hopes.

You are very infatuated yourself. When you and Miranda’s eyes meet… You feel a sudden wave of attraction. You can’t fight it any longer. You gently wrap your arms around her to lean in closer. Eventually, your lips meet and it’s like your world is finally complete. Miranda’s lips are soft and warm. You deepen the kiss and Miranda moans as you hold her close.

As if on cue, the two of you quickly part at the same time, embarrassed by your actions.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, Miranda! Please… Forgive me!” You quickly apologize. You begin beating yourself up. What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you-

“Y/N, it’s okay.” Miranda says and reaches out to cup your face. “I kissed you too.” She tries to soothe you as she rubs her fingers along your cheek.

“No, I… It’s more than that.” You try to explain. “I… Think I might be in love with you, Miranda.” You reveal.

Miranda can’t help the shock she feels. You… Are really in love with her? Miranda is quickly brought of her thoughts as you begin to speak again.

“I… I know it’s not my place, but… I love the baby too. I kind of feel like they’re my child as well.” You say.

At this, Miranda begins sobbing joyfully. She hugs you tight. “I… Love you too, Y/N. We both do.” She says and pulls back a bit as she puts your hand on her tummy.

You laugh in disbelief. This had just been a fantasy, but now… Could building a life with Miranda be possible? Could you… Be a family?

“This baby is just as much yours as they are mine. If… That’s really what you want.” Miranda says, now unsure of how you’ll react to that prospect.

“That’s what I want, Miranda.” You tell her and softly wipe her tears. You give her one more kiss before you crouch down to cradle her belly. “Can I be your other parent, baby?” You ask. You don’t expect a response, but you quickly feel a firm kick to your hand. Almost as if the baby is agreeing with you.

“Did you feel that Miranda?!” You ask and stand up to look at her.

Miranda giggles. “I most certainly did, my love.” She says. “The baby likes that idea.” She grins.

You bring her in for a kiss and hope you can convey just how happy you are. This is a dream come true.

Masterlist

[builtbybrokenbells]

Spitfire | vi

Rumours spread around the internet, causing turmoil like never before. In a desperate attempt to forget,y/n takes solace in the bar, making it a mission to forget him completely. Jake is left wondering if he’ll ever get a chance to explain himself. When her roommates try to do damage control, they’re left wondering if the Twitter feed and speculation is really the biggest issue, or her way of covering up her crippling fear of falling in love.

Read part five here

Read part seven here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader

Word count: 7.5k

Warnings: cheating/cheating rumours, Twitter, binge drinking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, lots of angst, crying, like a 2 second mention of throwing up (very short because i hate throwing up with a violent passion), basically this whole chapter is an angsty shitshow because I live for drama, sorry if I missed any!

so obvi i had to throw in some heartbreak to offset all the fluffy happiness, cause that’s just who i am. lots of projection in this one (hey, at least I’m owning up to my flaws) but this is just an angsty mess before we get to a happy ending cause I wanted to showcase how detrimental the internet/social media can be and how bad ldr sucks 😁 as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻 (also thank you all so much for the love on this series. im having a lot of fun writing it and it overjoys me to see that other people like it, too)

~

Your feet carried you to the living room, speed faster than you’d ever ran before. When you turned the corner of the hallway, your footing slipped and you had to brace yourself on the wall. Eve was sprawled on the couch. She looked to you, eyes wide with panic, scared that something bad happened. “What has got you all riled up?” She threw her phone beside her, sitting upright.

“I-I, uh, I just…” you were breathless, heart pounding in your chest as you tried to formulate your words. “The… t-the-“

“Just fucking spit it out!” She laughed, clearly understanding that your rapid approach was due to good news rather than bad.

“Okay, sorry.” You ran your hand through your hair, pushing it away from your face. “I think I’m gonna throw up.” You laughed, fanning your face with your hands. Tears were threatening to spill over, and your skin was prickling with excitement. “So I started my internship on Monday, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” She said, waiting for an explanation.

“And I met everyone in the ‘office’.” You air-quoted office, knowing you’d only interact with them over zoom meetings for the four month duration. “But I met the head of the department today, the big boss.” She gave an eager nod. “He told me that he read over my research report. He said it was one of the best he’s ever read.”

“No way!” Eve was standing now, bouncing with just as much enthusiasm.

“Yeah, but that’s not it.” You stopped her. “I mean yeah, that’s fantastic, but it’s way better than that.” You felt the tears begin to roll down your cheeks, too caught up in the situation to care. “He wants to continue on with it. He told me he thinks the idea is fantastic and worth the money. I’m not going to be working on, or following up somebody else’s research this summer. They want to work on mine.” Her eyes were wide, her previous demeanour completely frozen. After a few seconds, she exploded into a scream and engulfed you into a hug. You held on to her, wanting to yell just as badly. “Can you punch me? Just to make sure I’m not dreaming?”

She pulled back, shaking her head and wiping your tears away. “Not a dream.” She laughed, pulling you in for another embrace. “Y/n, they picked your topic from an undergraduate, not even a masters or a PhD. Do you know how huge that is?”

“I know! He told me he’s been waiting to work with me since the end of my first year. Apparently I’m the at the top of the program.” You were almost lightheaded, not being able to process what was happening.

“I’m so proud of you.” She said, taking your hands into hers. She gave them a squeeze, bringing you back to reality. “Did you tell anyone else?” You shook your head.

“No, I was going to text the sibling group chat and get it all over at once. I want to call Jake, but I’m just not sure if he’s busy or not.” You explained.

“Call him! If he’s busy, he won’t answer. I think this is way too important to wait to tell him.” She encouraged you.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m gonna… I’ll go call him.” You breathed.

“Okay, but I’m taking you to dinner tonight to celebrate. We’ll go to The Garden, maybe get some drinks afterwards. It is Friday, after all.”

“Yeah, that sounds amazing. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You assured her.

“Good, now go call your loverboy.” She shooed you away. You jogged back to your room, letting the door fall shut behind you.

It had been almost two weeks since Jake left, meaning that your trip to Atlanta was right around the corner. Your brothers left the week prior, leaving your home quieter than you liked it. It was amazing having everyone there, but it was terrible when they all had to leave. You were adjusting, though, and knowing you were going to see Jake in a few days was really helping.

You slipped on the hoodie he’d so graciously left for you, and found the bottle of cologne, giving the front a small spritz. The smell immediately swarmed your senses, making you close your eyes in bliss. When your end of day meetings came to a close, you practically lived in his sweater. Him being gone this time was a little easier now that you had small reminders of him. You pulled your phone out, dialling his number off by heart. Your hands were vibrating as you clicked the speakerphone button. The dial tone rang a few times, but you couldn’t help but hope he’d pick up. You tapped your fingers on the wood of your desk, trying to remember if he told you he had a show or an interview that day.

“Hey, it’s Jake. Leave a message.” Your stomach sank with disappointment, but you didn’t let it last too long.

“Hey, rockstar. Big news, call me as soon as you can. Love you.” You didn’t let the voicemail linger, ending the call as soon as you finished speaking. As you stared at the screen of your phone, you realized you hadn’t heard from Jake since the night before. It was very strange of him not to send a good morning text, but you were so busy with work meetings all day you hadn’t picked up your phone at all.

You debated calling again, but decided against it. Instead, you went to your contact list and clicked on Josh’s name. You were expecting the same empty tone, but you were surprised when he answered after the first ring. “Hey, mama.” His usually happy tone was so comfortably familiar.

“Hey, Josh.” You couldn’t help but smile. Josh had rapidly become another brother to you, just the same as Sam and Danny.

“What could I have possibly done to deserve a call from such an angel?” You rolled your eyes, a laugh making its way out. Josh was a very verbal person, and extremely friendly, too. At first, you were a bit thrown off by his strong compliments, but you’d gotten over it quite quickly once you realized Jake never batted an eye about it. Clearly there was a lot of mutual trust between the two.

“Just missed your sweet voice, is all.” You joked. He let out a small chuckle.

“You’re too kind,” he said “but really, what’s up? Usually I’m the one calling you.”

“Don’t say it like that, that makes me sound like an asshole.” You replied.

“You know what I mean.” You could practically hear his eye roll through the phone.

“I know,” you assured him. “I was just calling to see if you knew where Jake was. I haven’t heard from him all day and I got some pretty big news. I called to tell him and he didn’t answer. I thought maybe you were all doing rockstar stuff, but it seems like you were waiting around for someone to call you.” You teased.

“Maybe I just drop everything to talk to you. Have you thought about that?”

“Whatever you say, Joshua.”

“To answer your question, I have no idea where he is. Today is kind of a day off, I guess. We’ve got a meeting tonight, but that’s more of us just hanging out with the managers.”

“Oh, that’s weird, then.” You said, uneasiness sprouting in your stomach.

“He could be asleep, or in music writing mode. I’ll get to the bottom of it for you.” He promised.

“Thanks, super-sleuth.” You laughed.

“What’s your big news?” Josh asked, changing the subject. You didn’t think the topic change was suspicious, more or less just Josh being nosy.

“I don’t know if Jake would forgive me if I told you first.” You were being honest. Jake wanted to be your biggest supporter, and you didn’t know if you telling Josh first would cause any issues. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt him.

“Ah, come on, mama. He didn’t answer, so it’s his loss. Besides, we’re practically the same person. Same DNA and all, you know?”

“I don’t think that makes you the same person, honey.” You giggled. “I think you just want to know.”

“Duh,” he scoffed “I won’t tell him, I promise. I’m really good with secrets.” Somehow, you weren’t sure if you believed him. But you were so excited about your accomplishment that you were itching to tell anyone who was willing to listen.

“Fine, okay, but promise you won’t say anything.”

“I won’t, I swear!” You could hear the giddiness in his voice.

“Okay, I’ll hold you to it, then.” You told him. “Basically, I started my summer internship with the biotechnology society this week. Today I met the head of the department and he told me he’s been wanting to work with me for a long time. He read my report about non-invasive blood-glucose tests and he wants to take it a step further. He thinks it’s worth the time and money.” You rushed out, feeling the excitement take over again.

“Y/n, that is fantastic!” He said. You could feel his smile in his words. One thing you adored about the four boys is that they all seemed incredibly genuine.

“Thank you, Josh. It’s super cool. Usually they only study graduate topics, but I guess he thinks I have what it takes.” You breathed, barely believing your own words.

“You absolutely have what it takes, mama, and Jake is going to be over the moon when you tell him.” You felt a smile break out on your lips.

“Thank you.” You really meant it. Jake and his brothers were always seemed so proud of you, and it made you feel so important. “I can’t wait to see you guys this weekend.”

“We’re really looking forward to it, too. Jake’s been so uptight when we practice because he wants to impress you at the show. It’s starting to get unbearable.” You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head in disbelief as if he could see you.

“I’m going to be the biggest fan there, even if he forgets how to play every song.”

“I know that, y/n. He just wants to show off for you. I, on the other hand, don’t have to practice. I already know I’ll win you over.” You rolled your eyes.

“Uh-huh,”

“Oh come on, what’s the matter with a little brotherly competition?” He joked.

“It seems more like a pissing contest.” You said. “Well, as nice as it’s been talking to you, I must go call my own brothers and tell them the news. They’ll be really upset if they find out I told you, first.”

“Like I said, my lips are sealed.” He promised. “I’m really happy for you, y/n.” His earlier tone of humour was gone, replaced with sincerity.

“Thank you, and thanks for picking up.” You said.

“As if I’d ignore you. I’ll find out what’s up with Jake and let you know. Talk soon?”

“Of course. Talk to you later, Josh.” You bid your goodbye. He hung up first, leaving you staring at the blank screen. Worry started to consume you, unsure of what Jake could be up to. The radio silence was extremely strange.

Before calling your own siblings, you decided to jump in the shower. You connected to your Bluetooth speaker, playing music softly in the background as you undressed and turned the faucet on. You climbed in, humming softly to the first song that came up on shuffle. You washed your hair and worked at getting all of the knots out. You took your time washing your body, letting the hot water sooth your stiffness from sitting in an office chair all day. You even took the time to exfoliate and shave. When you stepped out, you felt like a new person. You dried off, wrapping your hair in a towel, and throwing on an oversized t-shit and some sweatpants.

You went back to your room and threw your old clothes in your laundry basket. As you sat on the edge of your bed, your phone chimed from beside you. Your eyes fell on the screen, trying to make out who the message was from. Josh’s name was showing in the notification bar, so you picked it up to read what he said.

Twin Rockstar

Hey, checked on Jake. Don’t think he’s in his room. Will let you know when I find him :)

You typed a quick reply before clicking on your brothers contact. You figured you shouldn’t put off telling them the news any longer, and Sam would be the most likely to answer. You told him you needed him to call you ASAP, throwing your phone back on the mattress. You got up, moving to the closet and scouring through your heaps of clothes. Your hands settled on a simple red dress. Enough to look classy, but not enough to catch too much attention. You threw it on, spritzing some perfume and throwing on some deodorant. As you took your hair down to dry, you started on your makeup. You didn’t put on too much, just enough to accentuate your features.

You finished with swiping on the same lipstick you’d worn the night you met Jake. It was your favourite one before that night, but ever since it had caught his attention, it was the only one you liked to wear. Just as you were finishing up, your phone began to ring. You shuffled over, grabbing it off the mattress and accepting the video call. “Hello, Samuel.” You said, looking over his face.

“So you saw it, too?” He asked, forgoing any type of greeting. You raised an eyebrow, confused at what he could be talking about. He watched you carefully, quickly realizing that you did not want to call him for the same reason. “Oh, nothing.” He said, sheepishly. Your eyes hardened, not willing to play the game with him. He’d always done that; start a sentence or a story and try to change topics. Usually it was only when something bad happened. He hated giving bad news.

“What, Sam?” You pried, waiting for him to give in.

“Nothing, y/n. It was probably just a rumour anyway.”

“Just tell me, please.” You sighed. He shifted uncomfortably under your stare, but eventually conceded.

“I saw something. It’s probably nothing, I just thought you saw it, too, and that’s why you wanted me to call. You never send an urgent message.”

“What did you see, Sam?” Your stomach was twisting with anxiety the more the conversation went on. He let out a jumble of words that you had a hard time understanding. When you gave him a look of confusion, he rolled his eyes.

“I was doing my daily routine of stalking everyone on the internet.” He said, seeming to have trouble with how he was going to word his sentences. Leave it to Sam to spend an hour a day to catch up on everyone else’s drama. “And I saw a couple posts, a-and I think it’s just speculation and rumours,” he led into the topic as easy as he could. “But there’s a couple pictures of Jake going around. With another girl. And everybody thinks it’s a possible girlfriend.” He breathed. Your stomach dropped, but you held your expression firm, not letting a hint of emotion through.

“Oh, okay.” Was all you said. You tried to reason with yourself, wanting to believe that it was just a misunderstanding. Then, your brain immediately focused on the fact that you hadn’t heard from him all day, which was extremely unusual. That, and he hadn’t even told his brothers where he was. You were certain if Josh was lying to you, you’d be able to tell. He wasn’t very good at it. “Can you send me them?” You asked, clearing your throat to get rid of the lump that was forming.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, squirt. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” His attempt at deflecting the impact was failing miserably.

“Just send them to me, Sam.” Your tone was becoming more angry by the second. He let out a long sigh, but did so without another word. The incoming message popped up on the top of your phone, immediately drawing your attention. You clicked on it, the aforementioned pictures unpleasantly gracing your screen. You tapped on the screenshot, zooming in a little bit to get a closer look.

There he was, unmistakably Jake, sitting at a restaurant table across from an unknown girl. There was a familiar smile on his face, one that made you sick when you thought about him giving it to another girl. You swiped through the photos, quickly finding that it was a whole Twitter chain. ‘Damn, his fans are always on top of the game’ you thought to yourself. There was pictures of them eating together, one with his hand resting on her arm, one of them walking down the street a little too close for comfort, and the last one of her wearing his jacket. You felt an indescribable feeling wash over you.

You read through the comments of fans talking about seeing it, how pretty she was, how happy he looked, and some not so nice tweets. You couldn’t help but feel a small comfort at the unsupportive statements. Your rationale was completely gone now, filled with anger at the sight. More than anything, you felt like an idiot. You fell for him so hard, but he was a boy, and a rockstar, at that. You had no idea why you believed a insignificant girl in Baltimore could tie him down. He probably had a new girl falling for him in every city he visited. Panic started to seep in, realizing that everything you were afraid seemed to be coming true. The look in his eye when he was smiling at her sent a shiver down your spine. It was so similar to how he looked at you.

There was a small part of you insisting there must be more to the story. A bigger, louder part of you didn’t care. Your trust for men and significant others was already extremely low before you met him. You’d spent a lifetime getting treated like garbage and cheated on, and even if this wasn’t the case, you weren’t sure if you even wanted to know. It was easier for you to shut down, to draw the conclusion that boys would always be boys. Although the photos weren’t a tell-all, they certainly didn’t make you feel good when you looked at them. A tiny voice in your brain was telling you that you were being irrational, and that you were doing what you always did; you were using this as a scapegoat to jump ship before you got seriously hurt. Self-destruction was a very well acquainted friend of yours, but you thought you’d left it behind a long time ago.

You took a long, shaky breath before speaking again. “I gotta go.” You mumbled, not giving Sam any time to answer. You hung up, completely forgetting about the real reason you wanted him to call you. You turned your phone on silent, throwing on an old jean jacket. You slung your purse over your shoulder, making sure you had everything you needed before you walked out of your bedroom.

The door slammed behind you with enough force to rattle the wall beside it.

As you made your way down the hallway, your jaw was clenched hard enough to made your head ache. Another classic move of yours; burying the sadness in anger. You tried to break out of it your whole life, but having four hotheaded brothers that loved to pick on you made the emotion permanent. Eve peeked her head around the corner to see what created the loud noise, but recoiled at the look on your face. You walked past her, not able to even give a glance in her direction, scared if you did you would break down. You were sure Sam would tell her, anyway. You threw a pair of shoes on and disappeared through the front door as fast as you could. You knew where you were going, and nobody was going to stop you.

You made your way down the street, eyes set forward and unwavering. The tunnel vision made it easy to ignore all of the passerby’s. By the time you made it to the front door of your favourite bar, you were positively sick with despair. Your stomach was churning and your chest was aching. You wanted nothing more than to go home and cover yourself in blankets and sleep the pain away, but you were never so willing to let a boy ruin you. You pushed through the front door with such a force that everyone’s head turned to look at you once you stepped inside. You went straight to the bar, too determined to drink to pay any mind to them. You stopped once you got in front of the bar, pulling your card out. Mike approached you, giving you a look of curiosity.

“Awful early for you to be here. Usually you only drink before 8 if something serious happened.”

“Triple whiskey sour.” You muttered, in no mood to make conversation. “And two shots of fireball.” He eyed you with concern, but pulled the bottles out, anyway. He wasn’t worried that you couldn’t handle your liquor; he was worried about why you were itching to drink so badly.

“You okay?” He asked as he slid the shot glasses towards you. You took both back to back, ignoring the burning in your chest. It was nothing compared to the ache in your heart.

“Perfectly okay, Mike.” You promised. “Never been better, actually.” He handed you the solo cup, eyes never leaving your face.

“For some reason, I don’t know if I believe you.” He said, watching you take two long drinks out of the glass.

“Quit it with the concerned act. Business is business.” You scolded, mustering a small smile to lessen the blow of the harsh words. You tapped your debit card against the machine once he pushed it towards you, taking a seat in one of the chairs. Tonight was not a dancing night, you decided. You felt your phone vibrating in your purse. It hadn’t stopped since you left the house. You were sure it was Sam, and you cared so little that you didn’t even bother taking it out to check it.

Your first drink came to an end pretty fast, and Mike, knowing you well enough, kept a steady stream of refills in front of you. By the time 9 o’clock rolled around and the bar began to get busy, you were already hammered. The anger in your body was still raging, but you were drunk enough to bury it deep under the surface. Mike had got a bit more talking out of you as the time passed, only making his concern grow more. You were very elusive as to why you were so desperate to be intoxicated, making him believe that whatever the reason was, was really bad. He’d only seen you drink like that on a few occasions, and rarely ever did you go to the bar alone.

“I think you should answer your phone, darlin’.” Mike said, eyeing your purse on the counter as your phone vibrated. As he sat with you, he took note of all the calls you were ignoring.

“You can.” You giggled, nudging the bag towards him. He sighed, reminding you of your dad when he got upset. “I’m not worried about it.” He reluctantly opened your purse and took your phone out, figuring it was better to let your friends know you were alive. You were good enough friends with Mike for him to feel comfortable enough to answer your phone for you. It definitely wouldn’t have been the first time. He tapped the screen, lighting it up to reveal the extensive list of missed calls and texts.

“Eve sent you a bunch of question marks then asked where you went. She’s called you probably a million times. Sam is very worried about you and says he’s going to fly back here if you don’t answer him. Uh, whoever ‘twin rockstar’ is called and texted a few times. Ally called. And ‘Rockstar’ called you about… fifty times.” He listed off. All you could do was laugh. ‘Fuck Jake’, you thought to yourself.

“That’s nice. Can I get another shot with my next drink?” You asked.

“Y/n, you should at least tell Eve where you are.” You played with the straw in your cup, pretending not to hear him. He gave up, sliding your phone back to where it was before. After a moment, he obliged to your request, placing both drinks in front of you. You threw the shot back, feeling someone slide into the chair next to you as you placed the glass back down. You looked over, not recognizing the boy now in your company. You weren’t sure if you were too drunk to place the face, or if you’d never met him before.

“Hey,” he smiled at you. ‘Pretty smile’ you noted.

“Hi.” You replied, not really feeling up to making conversation. You kept your eyes on your drink, not willing to look up at him again.

“What are you drinking? I’ll buy you one.” You almost laughed out loud.

“No, thanks. I’m okay.” You told him, taking a long sip from your straw to avoid any further trouble.

“Why, you have a boyfriend?” He asked. It wasn’t harsh, more of a genuine inquiry. “He must be a lucky guy.” He spoke again before you could answer. You looked over to him, an unfamiliar feeling settling under your skin. You opened your mouth to respond, but you weren’t sure what to say.

“Uh, no, I don’t.” You decided in a split second. As the words came out of your mouth, it felt like someone had punched you in the stomach. “Not anymore, so I’m just not looking for anything.” You explained, gloom casting over you again.

“Sorry to hear that. He must be real stupid to let someone as pretty as you get away.” All you could do was chuckle at his statement. When silence ensued again, he took it upon himself to fill it. “If you change your mind, come and find me.” He quickly scribbled his number down on a bar napkin and slid it your way. Your eyes fell over it, almost finding it humorous. Once he got up and walked away, you handed it to Mike after ripping it in half.

“So dark and broody broke your heart?” Mike asked, tossing the paper in the garbage.

“Don’t say it like that. Makes him sound more important than he is. You have to love someone for them to break your heart.” You explained. Mike eyed you, a knowing look on his features.

“I think you’re lying to yourself, honey.” He said, handing you another shot. He was hyper-aware of your state, wanting to recognize when he needed to cut you off. “It’s okay to get hurt. Makes us human.”

“No lies and not human.” You told him, a sweet smile on your lips.

“Whatever you say.” He shook his head, moving on to serve the next customer. You lost yourself in the music playing over the speakers, finally seeming to rid yourself of the overwhelming emotions. Your face was hot and your body felt light. Your head was swimming with words, but none of them came together to make a worthwhile statement. The intoxication had reached a point where all of your inhibitions were gone; it was a dangerous situation for someone hurting so badly. Just because you weren’t currently immersed in the hurt, didn’t mean you weren’t trying to suffocate it for good.

You walked over to the pool tables, grabbing a cue and racking the balls. You sipped at your drink, shooting aimlessly and sinking shots intermittently. After a while, a group of people joined you at your table. You had no idea who they were, or what their names were. You were sure they told you, but you were in no state to remember them. There were a few girls and two guys, and they all seemed super friendly. They were a good tool to pass the time with, or perhaps more of a distraction than anything. Either way, they were buying pitchers of drinks and sharing, and they were quite funny.

As the hour neared midnight, Mike had turned the sound system up as he usually did. You retracted your much earlier thought, realizing that dancing was the best sounding activity at the moment. One of the boys from the group took his chance, moving closer to you and dancing alongside you. Instead of recoiling, you allowed it, ready to reap the consequences later. He twirled you around, pulling you closer to him so your chest was pressed to his. You both sang the song to each other, faces dangerously close. His hand was on your hip, eyes never leaving you. You were having a good time, but couldn’t shake how wrong it felt. Sure, it was fun, but it was absolutely meaningless. You never wanted to feel something meaningless again after feeling what you had with Jake. He leaned in, attempting to catch you in a kiss, but you withdrew, suddenly feeling dirty for even letting another guy get that close to you. You were lost in thought, almost furious again knowing that Jake still had your entire heart. As bad as you wanted to rid yourself of him, you were more terrified of feeling like you weren’t his anymore, or him yours. The thought didn’t last long, because someone grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the group.

You looked to the source of the disturbance, only to be met with the fuming faces of your roommates. You took a moment to process it, blinking hard to rid yourself of the double vision. “We’ve been calling you all night.” Eve said, dangerously calm. “We didn’t know if you were dead, or if you got kidnapped, or what, until Mike called us and told us you were here.”

“Why would he-“

“Do not get mad at him for looking out for you.” She snapped. You felt a wave of nausea run through you as your face burned with heat. “I’m taking you home before you do something you’ll regret.” She pulled you towards the door, not willing to listen to any sort of explanation. When you got outside, the cool night air hit you like a million knives on your skin.

“Eve,” you mumbled. She continued walking, not listening to your warning. “M’gonna be sick.” You told her. She stopped, looking back at you. Her tough exterior faltered, now really seeing the state you were in. She pulled you back in an alleyway, gathering your hair in her hands. You braced yourself with your hand on the brick of the building, heaving until there was nothing left in your stomach. When you straightened up, there were tears in your eyes. Some from throwing up, but more from crying.

You took a step back, leaning your whole body against the wall and letting out the sob you’d been holding back all night. Ally was standing guard at the end of the side-street, making sure nobody could witness your crisis. You were consumed with the memories of the pictures you saw earlier that night, feeling a non-alcohol related sickness in your stomach. Eve dug in your purse, finding a small pack of tissues. She pulled one out and cleaned off your face as best she could before discarding it on the ground. Normally, she’d be appalled at the thought of throwing garbage on the ground. At the moment, she was willing to sacrifice her morals rather than hold on to the repulsive piece of paper.

She brushed the hair from your face, for once being completely unsure of how to help you. She couldn’t recall the last time she’d seen you so upset. “Let’s get you home, okay?” She whispered. You managed a nod through your inconsolable state. She led you back to the main road after helping you take your heels off. She kept a supportive hold around your back, making sure you didn’t stumble and fall. Ally took to the other side of you, also offering her support.

The walk was treacherous and much longer than it should have been. By the time the two girls got you through the door, you were nothing short of a mess. Eve whispered something to Ally that you didn’t quite catch. Then, Eve helped you to the couch and Ally disappeared from sight. Eve took a seat next to you, gently wiping away the tears staining your cheeks. You tried to catch your breath, feeling completely out of control. Within a few minutes, Ally had rejoined the group holding a plethora of items in her arms. She put them down on the couch, making fast work at her mission.

First she pulled out a few makeup wipes, handing them to Eve so she could rid you of the mascara running down your face. When she was done, she placed the wipes on the coffee table. Ally handed her a hair tie next. Eve turned you slightly, combing her hands through your hair and quickly braiding it. “Next parts gonna be a bit harder.” She mumbled. “Gotta stand for me, okay?” You gave a nod. She helped you to your feet, steadying you before unzipping the back of your dress and slipping the sleeves off. When it fell to your ankles, she pulled a large t-shirt over your head. “There.” She sighed. You slowly sat back down on the sofa, feeling the world spinning around you.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled, squeezing your eyelids shut. Tears were still making their way out with no sign of stopping.

“I know.” She said, thumb brushing them away as fast as they were falling. “I know you’re hurting. We all do stupid stuff when we’re hurting.”

“I told him I loved him. He said he loved me, too.” You cried, feeling the ache settle in your bones again. “He promised.” You blubbered.

“I know, honey. We’re gonna get some sleep and sober you up a bit, and we’ll fix this in the morning, okay?”

“I’m supposed to go to Atlanta next weekend.” In your drunken state, you unintentionally disregarded everything she was saying. “He said he was gonna take me around the world with him. I knew this was going to happen. I never should have opened up. I never should have let this happen.” You let out a shaky breath. “I don’t even know if he did it, or not. All I know is that it hurts. ‘nd m’so scared because I hate when people have this much power over me.” She knew you were really fucked up over this, because it was nothing like you to come out with all of your feelings so willingly. “I love him. I really love him. I’ve never felt like this before, and it just made me realize that he makes me so happy, but he has the power to take it away whenever he wants. And he’s this big rockstar who can have anybody he wants. All he has to do is say the word. He can have girls who looks like that. Why would he settle for me?”

“Hey, that is not true. Anyone who ends up with you will be the luckiest person in the world.” She scolded, not willing to accept that.

“He’s just… he’s Jake. And he’s perfect. And I adore him. A-and I’m so scared of losing him that… that I feel like I have to leave first, to spare myself from the worse hurt, later, you know?” You hiccuped. “I always do this. M’gonna ruin it for myself because m’always so fucking scared! I tried to get rid of the feeling, to get rid of him, but all of the stuff that usually works just made me think about him even more. I don’t want him to have that power over me, don’t want him to be able to flip my world upside down whenever he wants, but it just felt so good being loved by him and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget it.” You let your head fall back into the cushion of the couch, completely defeated by how you were feeling. She quickly caught on to the fact that this whole situation may have had a lot less to do with the pictures from earlier, and much more to do with your fear of being in love.

“I know, baby.” She practically winced. She didn’t know the full story. She only knew what Sam had told her, then Jake’s incoherent babbling on the phone when he called her earlier. He was so out of his mind with worry she was surprised he didn’t jump on a plane and fly back just to make sure you were alive. Then, when she finally calmed him down enough to tell him she would make sure you were okay, Josh called and voiced his worry and defence of his brother. Eve was completely in the loop from all sides of the battle, but she had no idea what was really going on. “Ally is going to get the air mattress and we’ll all stay out here tonight. We’re not gonna leave you.” She pulled you into her, holding you close. Ally disappeared once again, off to gather more necessities. Eve rubbed your back, soothing you as you worked through your emotions. Her main concern was you, and it would always be that. Once you were asleep, she’d worry about everyone else.

The two girls banded together to pump up the large air mattress, having to take turns every now and again. Eventually, they had it set up and decorated the top with comforters and pillows. They prompted you to get in, wanting to get you to sleep as fast as possible, hoping if you got enough rest you’d feel better in the morning. They turned on a speaker, playing gentle music in the background so you could focus on something other than your hurt. It didn’t take long for the alcohol in your system to lull you to sleep, soft snores falling from your mouth.

“What the fuck happened?” Ally asked, finally winding down from the eventful night.

“I… couldn’t tell you, really. Sam sent me some suspicious pictures of Jake and another girl. Apparently Twitter thinks they’re together. And you know her, she doesn’t really believe in explanations or second chances. I guess it probably reminded her of last time. And I think she may be using it as a cop out because she’s really in love with him, and that terrifies her.”

“Do you think Jake would do that to her?” Ally asked, genuinely curious.

“He seems to be head over heels for her, but the pictures did seem kind of incriminating. He wasn’t kissing her or anything like that, but he was pretty close with her and she was wearing his jacket. Whoever she was, he looked quite enthralled in her. If i were her, I’d probably be pretty hurt, too. I don’t think she’s wrong to feel upset, especially if she didn’t know about it or who she was before she saw the pictures. I do think she should talk to him about it before running away.” Eve explained. Ally gave a nod. “Jake called me and he was super upset. Could barely understand what he was saying. He was just all over the place. Told him I’d make sure she was okay, but I didn’t ask him about it. I’m on team y/n, always. I’m not going to vouch for him, cause that will only make her mad at me.” She shrugged. “Even if he didn’t cheat on her, she’s still hurting. Maybe a bit more from her internal battles, but she’s still hurting.”

“I get that.”

“Josh called, too, trying to explain on behalf of his brother. It’s just a mess. I hope that Jake does have a good explanation, because I really like them together. But I’m not sure if she’ll listen to him, even if he does. She doesn’t listen to anyone but herself.” Eve chuckled. Ally nodded, knowing that all too well. “She already has the idea in her head, and every one of those feelings are multiplied by a thousand because she’s in love. Like, really in love. I don’t think she’s been this crazy for anyone, ever.” Just as she finished speaking, your phone began to ring in your purse again. Eve pulled it out, inspecting the screen. She sighed, rejecting the call and picking up her own phone. She dialled back the number that called you and waited for him to answer. She didn’t feel the need to completely block Jake out, but she’d be damned if she was going to let you know she was talking to him.

“Hey,” a raspy voice said from the other side of the phone.

“Hello, Jacob.” Eve said.

“Is she okay?” Her eyes looked towards you sleeping soundly on the air mattress.

“That’s a relative term, I think.” She grimaced slightly, recalling the state you had been in. “Alive, yeah, but she’s really fucked up.”

“Okay.” Jake said, clearing his throat a little bit. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“That’s also quite relative. I’d like to say I know, but I can’t.”

“I didn’t cheat on her.” He said firmly. “I’m not cheating on her. I would never do that.”

“Okay.” She replied, mimicking his earlier statement.

“I absolutely know why she’s mad at me. If it was the other way around and I saw those pictures, I’d… yeah.” He trailed off.

“I can’t defend you to her, Jake. She’s been my best friend for years. I barely know you. Even if she’s overreacting, which I am absolutely not saying she is, I’m on her side.” Eve explained. “Unless she did something really fucked up, which she didn’t, and she won’t.” She added quickly, wanting to clarify that she wouldn’t blindly stand up for you in every context. “She’s a spitfire. She goes from 1 to 100 faster than anyone I’ve ever met. Yeah, she’s upset about what happened today, but I think she’s also having a hard time with being in love. She’s scared of it. Always has been. She’s so independent that it’s actually infuriating, and I believe she may be struggling with depending on someone for once. This whole thing might have been the excuse she’s been waiting for, to run away.” Eve explained. “I think maybe if she just saw the pictures, it wouldn’t have been so bad. But all of those Twitter comments were pretty hard to read, and I’m not even dating you.”

“I know. That part of fame sucks. Everyone speculates, and stories spread before we even know that it caught someone’s attention. And I get it. I understand why you and her both feel the way you do. I would feel the same if one of my brothers got hurt.” She did feel quite bad for him. She didn’t think Jake was a bad guy, but perhaps not the best at communication. In this instance, at least. “Can you at least try to get her to come to Atlanta? Just so I can talk to her. I’ll fly her back as soon as I do, if that’s what she wants. I just can’t leave things like this, and I know she’ll never answer my calls.” His words were met with a staggering silence. After a while, Eve spoke again.

“Do you swear on your life you didn’t cheat on her?” She asked, picking at a string that had frayed from the hem of her sweater.

“I promise.” He said, quite firmly.

“Cause if I get her to go Atlanta and I find out you really did fuck her over, I’ll kill you.” She replied as a matter-of-fact.

“I would never do that to her, Eve.” She believed him, for the most part. If he was lying, he was really good at it. “I love her.” He finally admitted. The sincerity in his words took her off guard.

“I’ll try, rockstar. It may not work, and I’m not going to force her, but I’ll try to get her on that plane. Only because I think you guys are cute together, and you made her so happy. She’s never had that before. It took a lot for her to give you a chance, especially after the last guy. If this ends like this, I don’t think she’ll ever recover.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t. And also, this conversation never happened. I’m not defending you, I’m not going behind her back, nothing like that. The only reason I’m doing this is because I think it’s in her best interest. Even if it’s just closure, that’s fine by me.” She warned. “Now think up a real good apology, rockstar.”

“Will do.” He said. There was no room for any more words, because she’d already hung up. Ally gave Eve a look of caution, worried that Eve was going to rock the boat even further. Eve brushed it off, standing and flicking the lights off in the living room. She climbed on the air mattress and wrapped herself up in a blanket. Ally followed suit, both of them falling asleep not long after with the hope that the morning would bring some form of clarity.

TAGLIST: @gvfpal @jakesgrapejuice @hellowgoodbye

[xivrefsheets]

Dawntrail Updates!

Figured I may as well toss a post to the void with DT rapidly approaching. Ahem. Hello! First of all...

Wow... thanks a bunch! I'm happy this little project has proven to be so helpful for so many folks out there! I figured once I stopped updating that this blog was gonna fizzle out into obscurity but I'm still getting quite a bit of interaction despite the inactivity (I really do miss Tumblr sometimes...)

Anyway, wanted to put an update out here on things going forward after DT drops and knowing how rambly and Autistic™ I tend to get, I'll just put that in a cut.

So as I've mentioned in passing in the tags of a random ask, I'm sort of considering opening comms for ref sheets again due to really Really Spicy money-related happenings in my personal life. However, there's a few steps along the way before I make this a reality and this isn't even a full guarantee it'll happen as I'll also be opening art commissions in the near future and those will take more time and priority over ref sheets PLUS there's the factors that led me to closing in the first place.

I'm trying to steer away from using Anamnesis going forward for a number of reasons (some borderline petty, I admit) but I've been introduced to some nifty new plugins that are slowly taking the program's place that make posing infinitely easier and also fix the primary issue I had with Ana which was.... not allowing unique NPC faces to show in gpose anymore. (Yes I'm aware that they still worked for carbuncles and the like but that was just enough of a hassle for my posing needs that it made the sheets Not worth making anymore since I was already dealing with other stress on the side at the time as well). I'm still learning how to effectively utilize said plugins and once I've gotten better and mastered them that'll be the end of step 1.

Step 2 is gonna be... well... waiting for DT to drop. As we all know, a massive graphics overhaul is coming, so there's very little point in opening requests for new characters now when the models are about to be more detailed and will very likely be tweaked along the way if player feedback affects NPCs down the line.

Step 3... that I dread... revamping my studio yet again. Mostly just gonna be taking out some of the extra light sources since those tend to get in the way when the model is really tall and also researching more setups. May also see about utilizing chromakey as well. Idk idk. I doubt I'll have the energy to make the sheets super pretty like some folks do, but taking transparent shots will cut out a lot of distracting factors and make the finished sheets look a bit better I think.

Then after that, I'll probably do some practice rounds and re-work sheets for popular characters as well as fixing the old, shitty sheets from when I first started that were Way Too Yellow that I've been meaning to fix for literal years now (so sorry to all my fellow color-picking artists friends out there I'm sorry that's so annoying... TTATT) and from there I'll see if it's something I still want to pursue and open comms for.

I'll shoot for maybeeeee mid-August or so for the next update. Obviously, I still have a job and I'll be enjoying DT with the rest of you guys so it'll be some time before I even think of doing ref sheets again, but I at least wanted to throw out there that this is still something I think about, but a number of factors made me stop to begin with. One factor being...

...pricing! If/when I open again, it'll likely be a proper commission post on ko-fi and I'm thinking of starting at $10 with tipping enabled. In the beginning, I was allowing requests for the barest minimum of a donation and the constant $3 for characters with a ton of details to cover was getting a bit demotivating after a while, so I'm sorry if this puts off past and future clients, but I am doing all of this in my free time, so... ;w;

ANYWAY! If anyone read all this... thank you! I know it's a Lot and I'm sorry. Been a minute since I've had to do some sort of official addressing like this... haha.

Feel free to follow my ko-fi for updates regarding ref sheet commissions, art commissions, and whatever new art I post (if you're into that) and maybe toss a dollar or two my way since, yanno, I'm Quite broke rn and have an unpaid vacation coming up... 👉👈 or if you just wanna support a fellow queer this June.

and if y'all don't hear from me in a few months just assume I lied LOL!

[the-himawari]

A3! Usui Masumi - Translation [SSR] Long Slumber (3/3)

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set as Izumi

---

Izumi: (It’s finally the opening day…)

Fukunaga: Hey, Director-san! Welcome, welcome!

Izumi: Ah, you’re the person I met before—.

Fukunaga: Come on now. It’s going to start soon! Please take this special seat over here!

-pause-

Izumi: (The story is about a group of researchers who restore and wake up androids who have fallen asleep due to malfunctions and defects…) (The stories behind how each android fell asleep are all really interesting and well developed.)

Researcher A: “This one here has woken up as well!”

Researcher B: “Perform the inspection first.”

Android A: “Inspection…? Has the conflict with the humans on the west coast ended…?”

Researcher A: “Quartz…! The android here has been fully restored!”

Izumi: (We’re approaching the end now. It’s everyone’s time to shine!)

Quartz [Guy]: “However, the reset of the thought program could not be avoided. None of his pre-sleep memories have been retained…”

Android’s master: “It’s alright. Even if his personality has been reset, I’m sure it’ll return again as we spend time together.” “…That’s right. I promised him.”

Quartz [Guy]: “Is that so…”

Izumi: (Guy-san plays the role of a senior researcher who handles androids who wake up with complex internal abnormalities.) (The role is fresh, and this position is perfect for him!)

Quartz [Guy]: “…Has Adan not woken up yet?”

Adan [Masumi]: “…”

Izumi: (Adan… Masumi’s highlight will be a little later. I can’t wait to see what kind of performance the role study he did will lead to.)

-pause-

Researcher A: “Quartz. There appears to be an abnormality in Merus’s memory. May I ask for your assistance?”

Quartz [Guy]: “Understood. I shall analyze him. …Excuse me, you there. Tell me what is being projected in the Vision.”

Guest A: S-sure …I think it’s a dog.

Quartz [Guy]: “An android playing with a dog…? Does that mean there exist some who do not have a master?”

Vision: “Imero, why aren’t you moving? …Is this death? I will too, with you.”

Quartz [Guy]: “Could this be? Something like this is—”

-pause-

Quartz [Guy]: “Excuse me, you. Could you boot up this dog robot and give it to Merus? The switch is here.”

Guest B: Over here? Okay, I’m pressing it.

*presses*

Izumi: (An immersive theater that progresses with the audience until the end of the show. Yep, it’s a whole lot of fun for sure!)

Merus [Azami]: “Imero…?” “You were alive? Is that really you, Imero!?”

Quartz [Guy]: “I see… spending time with his dog not only reformed his personality, but also his heart.”

Merus [Azami]: “Personality… heart?”

Quartz [Guy]: “Merus. You lost your friend, your dog, and fell asleep with a broken heart. Because you knew love, you were sleeping in sorrow.”

Merus [Azami]: “Sorrow… love… urgh.”

Quartz [Guy]: “What is wrong?”

Merus [Azami]: “So this is sorrow, love… I can feel it from that one.”

Quartz [Guy]: “That one… Adan? Could this be sympathy…” “Analyze Adan’s memory!”

-pause-

Vision: “Please rest. Until the time comes…”

Quartz [Guy]: “Is this the last remaining image in Adan’s memory? It shows someone who appears to be his master and a child…”

Merus [Azami]: “This child is his next master.”

Quartz [Guy]: “Excuse me…?”

Merus [Azami]: “Adan is waiting for that person… for you.”

Izumi: Huh? Me!?

Quartz [Guy]: “Please, come here.” Please try calling out to Adan.”

Adan [Masumi]: “…”

Izumi: H-here goes… Adan-kun , wake up?

Adan [Masumi]: “…” “You… you’re the daughter of the master I used to serve, aren’t you?” “I have always, always… been looking forward to the day I got to meet you.”

Izumi: (Wait, was his role study where we couldn’t meet for so long all for this…!) …Thank you for waiting for me, Adan.

Adan [Masumi]: …! “Thank you for waking me up.”

Guest B: *Sniffle*, I’m so glad he woke up…

Guest C: He’s been waiting all this time. My heart…!

*applause*

-pause-

Izumi: Thanks for all your work until the closing day, everyone! It was amazing.

Guy: Immersive theatres that change depending on the audience’s reactions really are a good learning experience.

Azami: Yeah. For a university drama club, their set and equipment were legit. I thought it was impressive.

Izumi: I know, right? I was also surprised.

Masumi: Director… thanks to you, I understood my role’s feelings. Thanks. Also, that adlib on the first day… You know, I really do love your acting.

Izumi: Your performance was so good that it just came out. I wouldn’t count that as acting though. Say, if you don’t mind, why don’t we go to that android café together? You worked really hard for the play, so I’ll treat you to something.

Masumi: …! I’ll go!

Izumi: Great! Fufu, I can’t wait.

Masumi: …That’s all of it for me.

Izumi: Hm?

Masumi: No, it’s nothing. (Both your acting and the plays that we create together…) (If it’s something that we can enjoy together—I love it all.)

---

previous |

[bloodgulchblog]

👽 💉 🤖 🥊 and ⭐

👽 - favourite covenant species?

It's Sangheili. I have a simple heart. I see a big lizard alien with a sword and a fucked up warrior culture, I'm like yo that's rad.

💉 - flood, covenant, prometheans, or the banished?

Gameplay: Covenant tbh. Fighting the Covenant just always feels good, they have a very solid variety of guys and the most fiddly mechanic (having to shoot Hunters in the weak points) comes up only infrequently.

Lore: The Covenant is so fleshed out it's also hard to beat them, but the Flood are also pretty cool and I also have a big soft spot for how specifically fucked up the Prometheans are. I just don't care that much about the Banished.

🤖 - orion project, spartan IIs, spartan IIIs, or spartan IVs?

Spartan-IIs, it's no contest. Spartan-IVs have proven to be a definite sleeper hit, though. Halo should touch more on that ethical nightmare. :o)

🥊 - who are you beating the shit out of?

In addition to my previous answer? Alright, I got a list!

Fuckin'.... The Master Builder. Fucking weapons manufacturer war profiteer grifter idiot who made literally everything worse and is responsible for the Flood research he told Mendicant Bias to do that was 1) a horrible war crime against humans and 2) the situation that caused Mendicant Bias to talk to the Primordial and the Flood enough to fall.

Look at how punchable they made his face!!! He looks like he'd be so shocked and offended and deserving.

⭐ - share your favourite piece of halo lore

Spartan-IV, ie the "more ethical" Spartan program depending on adult volunteers, still had four high school kids from Meridian among its very first experimental augmentation surgeries. Because Halo's fucked up like that.

Their names are Victor Gallardo, Evelyn Rousseau, Saskia Nazari, and Dorian Nguyen and we have no idea what happened to them after that. The YA Halo novels were a trilogy that got canceled after the second book, which ended with the kids being offered experimental Spartan augs as their only way to survive some Forerunner shit they were exposed to (while doing work for ONI, no less) that was killing them.

This was abooouuuut 4 years before the first actual class of Spartan-IVs (Palmer's class) was augmented.

If they haven't been killed, they're still out there somewhere.

[jamesvin-varsity]

i left zookeeping for architecture because i became interested in how the built environment beyond the zoo could better serve local wildlife. how could we design our architecture, infrastructure and public spaces to work with natural environmental processes and build positive multispecies partnerships? how does the design of the building change when you consider the sparrow as your client? the coyote? the soil micro-arthropod?

this is obviously no new concept. cultures past and present have been living successfully with nature for millennia, but modernity has smothered much of the real human symbiosis within local ecosystems in favor of limitless growth and profit and oppression. take "sustainability", which in architecture often (though not always) results in renderings of luxury condominiums with Capitalism-Approved-Green photoshopped onto every balcony.

in my architecture studios i communicate through image. drawing. i try to separate myself from this lazy greenwashing aesthetic, researching local species assemblages to get my planting schemes somewhat accurate, considering hydrology on the site, considering local communities and how Something Green could drive up real-estate and force people out.

i try to, but at the end of the day my project is still an image and i’m still photoshopping plants onto a building. most architects aren’t really making buildings. they’re making drawings of buildings.

don't get me wrong, the image is a powerful thing. design is a powerful thing. ultimately though, i see myself doing the research that supports the decisions of the designer and not working as the designer directly.

being back at school has helped me rediscover my passion for science, and more specifically, physics. last year i took a hydrodynamics class and remembered why i studied it in the first place. because i like math and mechanics, and it's with these tools that i want to answer questions about design, conservation and multispecies community resilience.

the connection may not be obvious at first, but now, somehow, my work unites these three passions of mine -- a combination of environmental fluid mechanics, wildlife zoology, and design. broadly, i'm exploring how to incorporate marshes and other coastal vegetation into the design of physically, ecologically, and socially resilient urban waterfronts. the marshes can physically attenuate wave energy, preventing erosion and wave-driven flooding. they also provide important habitat for local wildlife like birds, crabs, and larval fish. social resilience is perhaps a more diffuse subject, but by grounding these nature-based coastal management solutions in community stewardship, we can start to rebuild relationships with our non-human neighbors. how? not sure yet, but i have some ideas.

yesterday i was accepted into a masters program in the department of civil and environmental engineering to research some of these questions (specifically regarding wave-structure-vegetation interaction). i'm not leaving the architecture department, but instead continuing in both programs as a dual degree student.

i don't identify myself as an architect, but I do as a designer. and as a scientist and educator. these titles are arbitrary (every problem is interdisciplinary when you get down to it), but they help me connect the person i am now to the person i was then.

physics-major-in-a-us-naval-officer-program turned zookeeper turned architecture-student turned science-and-engineering-student-studying-the-codesign-of-climate-adaptation-with/by/for-coastal-ecologies? my transition happened in there somewhere lol i'm also 5 years on T this week.

things will keep changing naturally, but really enjoying the ride so far :)

[eonars]

Any advise for applying to PhD programs? Congrats by the way!

thank you!! sorry this is so late my notifications are in an absolute state and this is the first time I've been on desktop all week

I'm not sure if I'm the best one to give advice for applying to PhDs cause I honestly got rejected from SOOO many before I got this one. I'd applied for maybe 15-20 (bear in mind, this was in the sciences so they were all paid positions in funded projects, if you want advice on self funded I'm not the one) and came in second or third place more times than I can remember, which is totally useless at the end of the day cause they're only picking one person.

By the time this one rolled around I'd more or less given up and was seriously considering just moving to LA and becoming a tattoo artist lmao. But on a serious note it's super easy to get discouraged, especially when you're regularly getting top 3 candidates out of like 100 applicants and STILL not managing to get the top spot, and I don't really have amazing advice for that because I did get entirely discouraged and had basically given up the ghost at this point.

ANYway though I got recommended for this position by my former master's supervisor and immediately thought I was way underqualified for it, but decided to just apply anyway cause it was really no effort and I had nothing to lose (except my remaining shred of mental fortitude after yet another rejection but whatever). I bullshitted a motivation letter using the main bit of advice my master's supervisor gave me (it needs to sicken you a little to read it, go in and write in such a confident voice that you're the only one for this position that it feels kinda gross to write it, can expand on this further if you want) and submitted that and all my other things and got selected to interview!

So at this point I'm still kind of in my fuck it we ball half given up state but even half given up I'm still an academic weapon so I spent hours reading and preparing (we were tasked with doing a 15min presentation and I godsweat everything I'm asked to do). I also came off a little manic in the actual interview cause I hadn't slept and after doing so many interviews that led nowhere my nerves were completely shot, but I think that ended up working to my benefit because I came off as really bubbly and personable? Which is always a benefit in science-oriented spaces because there's always gonna be a million guys who know all the science and techniques and theory but can't hold a basic conversation, and you can really set yourself apart by being an engaging even slightly jokey type character. So overall being in the fuck it we ball mindset and letting my kind of tweaky goofy not at all stuffy academic professional side out ended up working to my advantage I think because they seemed to really like me in the interview. I'm also generally good at presenting and making visually pleasing, clean presentations (if you can make something tasteful looking that isn't just blocks of black text on a white default slide you're gonna be cooking with gas here).

Like I said before my qualifications (as in actual scientific experience pertaining to this project) were lacking to the point where I was strongly considering not even applying, so I really think it was the interview that sealed the deal for me. I gave a well-rehearsed, clean presentation that I practiced countless times beforehand, and even though they gave me two publications to work off of for the presentation I did my own further research and included figures and information outside of what I was provided. I also found a way to spin this specific project into the exact logical next step for my career, tie it into my own personal values and the impact I want to have on the world, and just basically make it look like this one project was made for me specifically and I wanted to be part of it because of what it was, NOT because I was ready to do any project that was dropped in front of me at that point. Especially in STEM, I feel like coming off as personable, agreeable, and social is going to give you a major advantage. They're not looking for a science robot who never leaves the lab, they're looking for someone who can present at conferences, write effective and clear publications and communications, work in a group in multiple different settings, go with the flow, solve problems etc.

Reading back on this now I'm realizing "get to the brink of giving up, plan running away and joining the circus, and be visibly mentally ill in the interview" isn't amazing advice but I uh, hope this helped somehow. If I can do it anyone can do it man.

[muji-boy]

lil update

hello everyone!

long time no see. almost a year, actually. a lot has changed since then!!

in true kai fashion i got really sick during my senior year and ended up in the hospital. but this was the time!!!! i finally got the medical care that i needed and it has changed my life.

i wrote my thesis and presented it at three conferences. no prize except the immense satisfaction that i beat the odds and did it!!!! and had fun! and my final semester ended with a really high 4.0 gpa which was something i felt i would never be capable of again.

i did not get accepted into any of the masters programs i applied for. i applied while in the hospital, one of my references ghosted me, it was all around a bad time. and of course when i didn't get in, it felt like the world was ending. i have made school my identity my entire life, so how would i function without it?

over the course of my degree i failed two courses. one of them i failed three times. i retook the one i had failed multiple times over the summer even though i obviously no longer needed it to convocate (it got cut from my program requirements). i finished with a 4.0 and that was enough to bring my cgpa up enough to apply to med school, my dream!!

i could not apply to med yet because i could not afford to. med school applications are so cost prohibitive and i did not qualify for assistance for the mcat fees yet. so realistically that puts me at least two years out from medical school. i look at it as an opportunity to work and gain insight into what i may get myself into.

so i started a full time job as a clinical research coordinator at a medical clinic. i'm still new but i'm learning so much and i'm so excited about everything!

in my free time i have also been super busy. i've been advocating for long term mental healthcare for quite a while, but a friend and i actually started our own nonprofit organization that runs peer support groups and stuff. i'm also on an advisory committee for a mental healthcare resource being constructed where i live. and i've been volunteering for other local orgs to give back when they've given me so much. on the flip side, i've been heavily involved in 2slgbtq activism as well!!! i have spoken at events and i created a whole project that has taken off. i am also on the wait list for my top surgery, and should have it within the year!

i'm going to start studying for the mcat pretty soon so i will likely pop back online then. i am currently enrolled in one first year sociology course as a study strategy (it is the only course i didn't take that is on the mcat). but studying for that has not been happening. i am so thankful i didn't get accepted to do a masters because i need this distance from school right now.

there is life outside of school. you will reach your goals.

happy fall everybody. :)

[notesbyash]

Congrats on getting into your dream phd program!!! Would you mind sharing a little bit about what you mean by cold emailiing working? I'm going to have to start applying to phd programs next year and I'm feeling nervous about it and would love to hear how you did it. Thank you!!!

So. (this is a long rambly post, beware)

PhD applications and programs are unique from undergraduate applications (and most Masters programs) in that it's more of an apprenticeship application than anything. There are certain programs where you're admitted to the program as a whole but in my experience these are relatively rare.

The way that I conceptualized PhD applications, and the way that I was suggested to conceptualize them by my mentors, was to approach it as applying to work with a particular faculty member/lab. From an institutional perspective, think of it as a hiring process. Faculty members write grants to get money to fund some project, then the pick from a pool of PhD applications to find someone that they think will best fit the bill and be able to produce research. This is why it's helpful to not only have a solid GPA (something I didn't have) but also to have prior research experience and publications under your belt (I have research experience but no publications which. f). You're trying to boost the case that if you're handed money, you will be able to make "good use" of it.

So in review - faculty are looking for someone who has an academic or industry background that matches their research intent, has the qualifications to be trusted with a long-term project and displays a level of dedication to not dropping out when the going gets hard. Seems straightfoward enough.

Now comes the networking. See, research lab websites are notorious for not being updated. Faculty profiles are notorious for not being updated. It is incredibly difficult from an outside perspective to even know if a faculty member has the funds or space in their lab to take on a new student. If you've applied to a program but there's no faculty member who has the funds or availability to take you on, you're out of luck before you're even measured against the other candidates.

The fastest way to save time (and money because jfc these apps aren't cheap) is to straight up cold email the faculty member or lab you want to work with and ask if they're taking students. Include a little bit about yourself, your background and why you're emailing them. Talk about how your interest matches theirs. Reference a paper or two they wrote recently. Not everyone cold emails faculty, so this is a great way to stand out and get them to see you as an individual, not just an application number. From there, you'll get a response. Sometimes the lab/faculty won't have the funds to take on a new student in which case you've saved yourself time and money. Sometimes they do have funds and will want to know more about you or see some work. These conversations don't always have to be long, but it allows you to get an idea of the faculty member, the lab, and/or the program culture. It gets your foot in the door and a chance to see what the next 4+ years of your life might be.

The core of this is that when you apply to a PhD program, you apply to do research. You should be going into a PhD program with, basically, an idea of what you want to do with your life (academically speaking) and how you want to contribute to the field (I was asked point blank what I wanted my contribution to the field of aerospace to be when I died at the end of my career). You find a faculty member or lab that you want to work with because that allows you to fulfill your own dream research, because the work that they are doing is work that you want to contribute to and that you believe in.

Cold emailing faculty members allows you a chance to directly communicate with the people you want to work with and tell them that this is where you really want to be, that you have a clear goal and that you're dedicated to your craft.

(And it means that sometimes, you happen to be exactly the person they are looking for.)

[bethanydelleman]

Difficulties Part 1

I usually keep pretty well to Austen or British literature of the last century, but as Jane Austen is very concerned with the plight of women, I wanted to share two small things that happened to me, that impress upon me the difficulty living in the world as a woman.

I had a job that I really loved at a university in Canada. I was unionized, had unlimited sick days, medical benefits, paid time off, a pension, and reasonable compensation. After about two years at this job I left for maternity leave, which in my country was 1 year at half pay. I was worried however, because my department had a nasty habit of laying off women during mat leave. This would usually be illegal, but research work is all based on grants and contracts, so it can happen more easily in my field than in others.

I was anxious about going back to work, but at the 10 month mark my boss emailed and asked if I could come back early. I agreed, partially because I was bored but also because I was worried I might lose my position if I didn’t go back. So I went back 3 days a week (I had actually started at this job 3 days a week and moved to five over time) and my son went to a great little home daycare. I made it clear to my manager that as I had a 2 hours a day commute, I didn’t want to work more days. I thought she would understand as she had also worked part time when she had young children.

2 months in, I was laid off. I was only 2 months away from my contract becoming permanent, something that happened automatically after 3 years. I also had worked so few hours that it was impossible for me to collect employment insurance. It turned out they just wanted me to cover a three month leave of another staff member.

Now I feel I must justify myself, I was good at my job. When the news got around, I was approached by several people I had worked with who offered themselves as references. One person even swore when she realized she’d have to train someone new on the complicated medical software that I had mastered (just ask a nurse or doctor how user friendly their medical records program is...). Even though they were not required to, many of the doctors I worked with still included my name on their published research papers.

Anyway, we were in a terrible position as a family. My husband and I had just purchased a new house, since my job had seemed secure. I fortunately had about a month’s vacation pay as a buffer, but that was it. My daycare graciously let me take my son out until I found another job, if I had lost my space it would have been worse. I desperately applied for jobs and eventually accepted one with the same employer that was not unionized.

I lost my pension, sick days, medical benefits, and paid vacation and was only given about 2 dollars more an hour in this new job. I never would have accepted it if I hadn’t been so desperate. 

And the worst part is, the people who did this to me were all women. My manager and supervisor were both women. And they didn’t care. The one even seemed surprised that I was angry at the final meeting. She said it was best for the projects. I highly doubt it.

Anyway, this is my little proof that having a uterus and being a mother who wants to spend time with her child still can destroy your career and that you can’t rely on the compassion or humanity of your superiors.

Note: Why do I need medical benefits? I live in Canada, but we have a strange form of universal healthcare that covers all hospital and doctor visits, but not eye, dental, most therapy/mental health care or most medication. So for a person my age at the time, the most commonly covered would be things like birth control, glasses, dental visits, and physiotherapy.

And yes, this creates problems were someone with say, type two diabetes can’t afford their very cheap meds and instead ends up in the ER frequently which is super expensive. We have plans where if you are poor enough you get free medication but it’s a mess and honestly they need to fix it.

[agirlwithbigdreamsforher]

THE NANNY: CHAPTER 2

Pairing: Andy Barber x Annie Johnson (OFC)

Summary: Working and single parenting is not easy. Andy needs to find a nanny for his son Jacob. Annie, an education degree student at Lasell University, comes to their lives just in time for the big changes in Andy’s life.

Warnings: none.                      

A/N: I did some research about Lasell University and their programs, and apparently students can study for 5 years in order to graduate with a master’s degree.

Disclaimer: I do not give permission for any of my works to be copied, used, translated nor reposted anywhere else but here on this blog. Do not steal what you didn’t work for. Minors and ageless blank blogs don’t interact with me or my works. Reblogs and likes are always welcome. Thank you for reading this work of fiction.

Word count: 1559

GIF not mine, if its yours, please let me know to give you credit :) 

                                      ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Annie came back to the living room, where Jake was closing his eyes fighting to sleep.

“How about if we take a nap?”

The boy yawned and nodded, she held him in her arms and went upstairs to Jake’s room. She put him to bed, gave him his stuff animal and Jake yawned.

“Is you a liar?” the boy said rolling to his side.

“A liar?”

“Yes, like daddy.”

“Oh! You mean lawyer. No Jake, I’m a student and for now I’m gonna take care of you. Is that ok with you?”

Jake smiled and closed his eyes, she waited a little just to make sure he was truly sleeping and then headed back to the living room to work in the project.

An hour later Annie had finished her part and send it to Mark. She was about to send a text to his brother when she heard small steps coming for the stairs. He found Jake with sleepy gaze and his pants all wet.

“I’m soddy…”

“It’s ok buddy. Wanna tell me what happened?”

“Da moster wants to take me” Jake yawned

“What?! Oh, no! The monster can’t get you, cuz I’m here and I won’t let him.”

“Daddy is gonna be angy.”

“Of course not Jake, your daddy loves you very much. I will tell him about the monster ok? But for now, you need a bath and a change of sheets.”

Annie bathed Jake and changed the bed sheets. She was about to leave the boy’s room when she saw the picture of a woman with a baby in her arms, a picture she didn’t notice earlier, the dark-haired woman was beautiful and seemed to be so happy holding her baby. She smiled and went to the kitchen to make dinner. They didn’t have much so she just make pasta with marinara sauce and mushrooms. While she cooked Jake was on the floor drawing something. It was 7:10 when the door opened.

“I’m back!” Jake jumped to his feet and ran towards his dad. “Hi, buddy! Did you have fun?”

“Yes, dad. Da moster…”

“Oh God. The monster came back?” Jake nodded. Andy walked to the kitchen with the boy in his arms, then put him on the floor. “Go watch TV, I need to talk to Annie.”

The boy ran, while said: “tell’im bout da moster!” and Andy laughed at his son.

“Did he wet the bed?” Andy said leaning against in the counter.

“Yes, he took a nap, and it happened. I gave him a bath and changed the sheets.”

“I should’ve told you about it. He has trouble sleeping, he crawls to my bed some nights because of the ‘moster’.”

“That explain the bags under his eyes. Don’t worry, is just pee. It happens more often than you think.�� Annie smiled at him. “You didn’t have much in the pantry, so… Pasta!”

“Fuck, I have a lot of things to do.” Andy rubbed his temples and then his eyes.

“You know, being a single parent is difficult already, don’t make it worst with that kind of thoughts.” Andy smile at her words. “If you don’t need anything else, I’m gonna take off.”

“Wait. Just a couple of things. While you are here, your friends or boyfriend can’t come to the house. Understood?”

“Of course.”

“And about your payment, do you want me to pay you at the end of the week or per day?”

“Ammm on Thursdays is fine.”

“Perfect, I’ll pay you today and I’ll see you on Monday.”

“At 3.”

Annie took her things, and headed to the door to leave.

“Bye Jake.” she waved at the toddler on the couch.

“Wha? No, stay…pease!” the boy leaned against the back of the couch.

“I’ll be back on Monday, we can play then.”

“You pomise?”

“I promise. Take care of your dad, ok?”

“Ok!”

“Good night Andy.”

Andy looked at the girl walking to her car, Pam was right, she was perfect. And she basically told him everything he had found during his research, except for the Disney film, that wasn’t in the report. Andy walked back in, and went to the kitchen, served 2 plates and sat with his son in front of the TV.

“So, buddy, what do you think about Annie?”

“Your fiend is pritty.” a fork full of pasta went to his mouth.

“She is.” the image of her came through his mind.  “But you know, do you like her?”

“She is funny, and pritty and she don’t let da moster taked me.”

“You know, I was thinking that maybe, she can come and play with you while I’m working. Would you like that?”

“Like a mommy?”

“No…” Jake was so little to understand what happened with his mom, and Andy didn’t have the courage to talk to him about it, not yet. “…mommy loved you so much buddy, but Annie is just our friend ok?”

“Yes, fiend.”

Around 7:30 Annie arrived to the apartment she shared with Daniel, her boyfriend. He was in the living room, books on the coffee table and his laptop in front of him, while he typed quickly.

“Hi, love!”

“Hi, dove” Daniel answered without looking at her. “Where were you?”

“I had a job interview.” she sat on the couch next to him.

“Really? Where?”

“Newton, you know as a nanny.”

“Dove, you need to get a real job.”

“It is a real job! He wants me to be there 4 days a week, 4 hours a day.”

“He?” Daniel raised his brow paying attention to her.

“Yes, he. Mr. Barber is a single dad. I will take care of his son Jake.”

“Mr. Barber?”

“Yes, he is a lawyer or something.” she thought a little bit. “ADA!”

“Wait! You are gonna be the nanny of Andrew Stephen Barber?” Now fully paying attention to what her girlfriend was saying.

“Do you know him?”

“Well, not personally, but the news about his promotion were all over the campus. Apparently, he is the youngest ADA Newton has ever had.”

“You know sometimes I just think we go to different schools. Anyways I have to be there at 3 till 7, Monday to Thursday. And I have to learn how to cook cuz I have to make them dinner.”

“Babe that’s not being a nanny, that’s housekeeping.”

“And what’s wrong with that??” Annie stood up and walked to their room. Daniel followed her. “Besides we need the money, I can’t be depending on my brother all the time, he has a family.”

Annie knew Daniel hated when she worked as a nanny cuz he thought it was not a serious job, but for her it was, she liked to take care of kids. She saw this as experience for when she finally became a teacher.

“Dove, you worth more than that, you were born to be more than just a nanny.” He put his hands on her waist pulling her closer. “And I told you once I graduate, I will take care of you, you don’t have to work.” he gave her a peck on the lips.

“I can’t do that, I love my major, and I want to work. I won’t quit my major.”

“Of course not baby, I’m not asking you to do that. I will never do it. I just want you to know that I can provide everything you might need in the future.” She smiled and hugged Daniel. “Did you miss me?

“Yeah, a little.” Annie kiss him slowly.

“I need to finish that paper, but after I’m done I’ll come back to you. Promise.”

Annie was left in the room, sat on the bed and called her brother.

“‘Sup kiddo?”

“Hi, Tom, just came back, guess what? I got a new job as a nanny. You have to see this kid, he is so precious! And ammm the dad is kind of a hunk.”

“Hahahaha, I’m sure Daniel is not around, otherwise you would’ve never said that. Speaking of, how are things going?

“Good, he keeps saying he is gonna take care of me once he graduates, but…”

“You don’t want that.”

“I know he means well, is just that I came so far not to graduate or even tried to get a job as a teacher. I don’t think I can do the trophy girlfriend thing. Also, I’ve been thinking about doing the extra year, so I can have my Master degree.”

“If that’s what you wanna do, I’ll support you. Mom and dad would’ve been proud of you.”

Annie sniffed at the thought of her parents.

“Hey, I didn’t tell you that to make you cry.”

“I know, is just… I miss them.”

“I know, I miss them too. If you decide to take the extra year, just let me know.”

“Do we still have money?”

“Yes, I think mom and dad really thought this trough. And I’m saving the money of the rent of the house, just in case.”

“Thank you, you are the best brother ever. I have to go, I have to research some things.”

“Alright, good luck with the kid. The missus says hello.”

“Tell her I say hi too, and kiss Denisse for me.”

After the call ended, she grabbed her laptop and look for easy recipes to practice during the weekend, hoping she didn’t burn the kitchen in the process.

[smallfrenchstudyblr]

hi! I'm a bit shy to send you a dm cause you're so smart and seem to have such a great career already, but! I'm a law school graduate who got rejected from all the research LLMs I applied to, so I'll be doing a very meh Masters (still in law and not in English) this year with no research opportunities. Do you think me being quite 'old' (around 26/27) when I graduate will be an issue to apply for PhDs? it honestly feels like I failed my academic career before it even started :( idk if it makes sense but I'm wondering where I can get some research experience to boost my cv/what kind of initiative I can take to save myself from becoming a corporate lawyer (which I'm not smart enough to be anyway, but wow it pays more) :(

*hides the three unsuccessful PhD applications, the many rejection letters for articles and the constant knowledge that I am spectacularly uncompetitive on the academic job market* Hi, hello, yes, 'tis me, the PhD student with a totally great career !

Let me start of with one by telling you about one of the biggest inspiration in my life, my friend E (who is an all around badass, but that's not the point here).

E started her Bachelors in Law at 24.

E is now finishing an absolutely spectacular PhD Thesis in Law, at 31, and no one, as far as I know, ever had anything to say about her age. Not her supervisors, not her peers, no one.

And E is no exception at all. In my own Department, each year there is typically one person who starts their PhD at 24/25, and the four other ones are older, around 27. Many took some time to work or do something else before or after their MSc.

There are many reasons for this : supervisor being really frustrated at 23yo children who have only ever known University and are unable to display much autonomy, the competitiveness of the fields favoring applicants who have more experience all around, older applicants having better research projects...

So no, I can very definitively say that you age will not be a problem to get in a program ; and once in a program, you are much, much better prepared to deal with academic research than younger students.

Now, for the second part of the question : trust me I know how frustrating it is to look for research opportunities, anything that can help you show that you are motivated and smart and willing to put in the work... and facing a brick wall. And it is emphatically not your fault.

Academia, Universities, any sort of academic research, especially in humanities, is riddled with invisible barriers and walls. It is elitist and closed off to anyone who does not have the ties or social capital required to navigate it. The frustration of meeting people who seem to have magically gotten a fantastic internship, job opportunity or placement does not go away. It is unfair, it still makes me angry, and if I live my life right, it will always make me angry.

I am still struggling with this at the end of my phd : some journals make it so obscure to know how to even submit an articles. Some workshop take place but you never even knew they existed because you are not in the loop. Some people get grants you never even knew were available.

So it is not easy. But here are some things you can do to force the system to give you what you deserve in exchange of your hard work regardless :

Talk talk talk talk talk. Introduce yourself to every single professor, every invited speaker, ever TA, whose area you have a vague interest in, in person or by email. State, early on, that you are interested in getting involved in research because you are considering a research MSc/PhD. Explain your skills, what you have studied so far, and that you would be very grateful if they come across any opportunity they think might be relevant for you at this stage. Is it a bit much ? Yes. Who cares. Not everyone can relying on their parents' networks.

Look into publishing for journals who publish undergrad work !! They exist !!!!!! I REPEAT : SOME JOURNALS WELCOME SUBMISSION FROM UNDERGRADS !!!! If you want me to give a list of such journals for law, let me know, I will compile them. They are fantastic. Submit an essay which got a good grade. Boom.

Look into (local) NGOs who might be looking for legal/advocacy interns. Get in touch with any relevant person who does this sort of work and spontaneously ask if they have any part-time job/ summer internship / anything that would work. This is tricky because unfortunately it may be unpaid work - but some NGOs are willing to be very flexible because of this. And once again, the goal is to get a network started : if they, in turn, hear of some interesting opportunity, they might think of you and forward it to you.

Similarly : look into any Law Clinics, Moot Courts, any sort of initiative your University might be organizing. If you are not sure if they exist (something they are not even presented to students who are not yet in their MSc), get in touch with your year coordinator/LLM coordinator/whichever professor is the one in charge of your level, and ask about it. The goal here is not only to gain experience; but to meet new people, that maybe you would not meet outside of this environment.

Look into the societies/clubs/whatever they are called at your Uni. There might be one related to law, research, politics, advocacy, etc... Not only can they be pretty cool, but they can also help you meet new people, especially MSc students from time to time, who can share their experience with you.

And most importantly : do not be shy, do not sell yourself short. Academia is a rigged game anyway, so tell, restate and repeat again to anyone who will hear it that you are look into a research MSc, that you are looking into interesting opportunities to get experience, that you are qualified and motivated. I you do not feel like that, fake it, because trust me, statistically, you are a better fit than many students who get accepted in MSc and even PhD program.

Or, in the wisest words which have even been uttered :

Do it with the confidence of a mediocre white man.

[saucerfulofsins]

phd student here (just advanced to candidacy): i honestly feel like academia is meant to break us. my first advisor bullied me into almost committing suicide, and it's been ROUGH... but that said? i think you finishing your degree in spite of everything matters so fucking much. both on a grand scale (academia needs more people from "untraditional" educational and life experiences) and a minor scale (proving something to yourself and to the people around you who've played a part in breaking you). i believe in you because i believe in me. fighting is hard, but sometimes things turn a corner when you least expect it—networking at a conference i didn't even want to go to accidentally solved a big gap in my advising situation.

sending all the best vibes in your direction. you are smart, capable, and will end up in the right place eventually. academia destroys souls, and you're not alone. ❤️

Hey ❤️❤️

I like seeing it from that side. Maybe not doing it AS well as I could have if I'd have the circumstances other ppl write theirs in (I started mine first with a rejection of my initial topic,then switching to a topic I had taken NO courses or associated courses on, and all of this while I had the very real concerns I might have cervical cancer as a trans man... the day I found out I didn't was the day I found out my supervisor would be leaving, leaving me with about 10 weeks to write a MA thesis which obvs didn't happen and then shit REALLY hit the fan). I wouldn't consider anyone else's grade under my circumstances a true reflection of what they're worth, either. I should add that my MA program is a research master, preparing you for academia and after which you'd move on to a 3-4 yr PhD program in my country. If your grades and project are good enough, of course. Mine? Aren't.

I applied to some PhD programs last yr but only major/big name unis and I think that might have been a mistake too. I had an interview and everyone there sounded so smart, had so much background, and I'm from the countryside with parents that barely finished their high schools (with levels that wouldn't get anyone into uni).

But yeah. You're right. In the end this is one grade, and it's a passing grade, and I... I mean I won't get into a big name uni with this rn and I don't think I wanna pursue a PhD rn anyway just because of all the pain but also the backlog I have compared to everyone else there. I just really wanna figure out a way to stay involved in academia without ending up in this locked down situation where, as you say, there's an attempt to break down everyone that doesn't fit the way the established order thinks we should.

It's just super difficult to keep believing in yourself when you're turned down and turned away at every junction in your life. After so many years (I'm 31 now) it's just. There's a point where it feels too much. At the same time I took an entrance exam to uni at 21 which I failed, and which I took to be a sign I shouldn't pursue uni at all. Clearly I was wrong there. I just.

I just wish there were more ways of learning than just the one specific kind universities (and high schools for that matter) dictate rn.

I also wish you the best of luck in your own degree, now and in the future! I know a PhD is another step up from a MA and I cannot imagine how rough it must've been for you especially with your first advisor. You don't deserve that (and lbr no one does). If you ever want a listening ear abt what you're working on, even if it's something I know nothing about, feel free to contact me!

[no2ticonderoga]

😅,😈,🎶,🛠,⛔,❌ ,🧐

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

The West Wing fanfic I wrote in high school that managed to migrate to me on AO3 when the archive I originally posted it on closed (thanks AO3 for preserving fandom history, tho, that's pretty awesome). It's poorly written and super cringy, and reflects a high school sensibility that was informed by reading a lot of Tom Clancy and other technothrillers.

(Also, I realized further down that there does exist on my hard drive a smutty scene from a Wheel of Time fanfic. That is probably the cringiest thing I wrote)

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

Well, actually, when I was writing in the HP fandom, lo these many years ago, I would have a tendency to leave my readers off on nasty cliffhangers.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I do sometimes. When I'm writing the Senior Year series, I'm usually rocking songs from when I was in high school. For the Regency/Napoleonic AU, I usually listen to music from the period, like the Master and Commander sound track. Lately, though, I've been rocking my playlist of all James Bond theme songs. Don't ask me why, it has nothing to do with my writing.

🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

I might as well be a walking, talking, ad for Google Workspace. I experimented with Scrivner a while ago, and I liked some of the features, but I didn't like not being able to access it from anywhere. I wish I could recreate some of the features in Google Docs.

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

A Star Wars fic I wrote with friends in high school, that was basically all of us being extremely self indulgent. Several others from the old HP days. There exists a Wheel of Time fic on my hard drive somewhere. More recently, I have abandoned, at least for the moment, a Miraculous Ladybug fic that would have been a sequel to one of my others.

We won't talk about the number of original works that were abandoned.

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

There are probably many. Cheating of any kind makes my stomach turn. I probably won't ever write a breakup fic because I believe in true love in my ships. I'm sure there are others that I would stay away from if I was thinking more.

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

I...well...yes. Entirely too much time. But I have learned so much. There are so many things I would add or tweak about ItSotK after all the reading/research I've done over the past year. I think one of my problems is I often get too caught up in the research. I got so bogged down in research that I ended up abandoning an original project because I got lost in the details.

[coccolithophore]

What did you do before you did Marine Bio and what got you into it? Thinking about changing careers and you're a bit of an inspiration in that respect. 💖

oh amazing!! thanks that’s such an honor 😭😭

i am a career changer myself! i was an english major/creative writer and ended up in corporate tech/finance communications for about 5 years which was very complicated and sort of boring simultaneously lol. but the idea of my particular masters program is to bring in people from a lot of different fields and has more of a professional/interdisciplinary focus to help you choose whatever you niche you want to fill with a marine science degree. you basically design your entire curriculum yourself after the (super intense) summer crash course in science and then it’s mostly elective and project based from there. i am going to be focusing on scientific communications with an emphasis on deep sea ecosystems and the accessibility of scientific research.

i won’t link the program directly here because there are only like 20 or so students per year and i don’t wanna get doxxed lmao. but if you feel comfy coming off anon i’m happy to name drop so you can check it out!