#(he's not actually suicidal btw he just keeps lying to everyone says he has a gf and went on holidays

[albonium]

i just made my grandparents' grocery order and i couldn't pick it up this afternoon because i'll be at work so my grandma asked my uncle (half of the groceries are for him anyway) and he said no i'm in my hot tub this afternoon 🤬

[sanemisstalker]

Idk why but like I really wanna die in somebody’s arms- it’s like such a beautiful but sad way to die?

(**kny spoilers**)

kinda like how Mitsuri died in Obanai’s arms bc that was such a heartbreaking moment but it also was kinda sweet at the same time? Idek anymore 😭 ty for your time btw <3

Broooo-

I hate to be that guy and point to your username, but I think dying in Giyu's arms would be the worst emotionally. I think it'd be actually devastating.

CW// Death / Implied Major Character Death/ Implied Suicide/ Angst

A part of me reasons that Sanemi could handle it about as well as he handles anything else. Poorly, but he'd continue like he always does. That's all he can do because he thinks anything else is a show of extreme cowardice and he doesn't deserve to feel that way.

But when you're in his arms, dying, more color is dissapearing, and he's fighting to see your face past the tears- he's wailing and screaming, and trying to command you to come back. That normally works. Maybe he's gotten scary enough to scare death, but no. He'll never be enough to fend off the inevitable.

I don't think Shinobu would be much different. She has an astonishing amount of hate in her heart. Enough to patch up the wound long enough for her to pretend it isn't there anymore.

You'd be lying in her arms, and all of it would be beating against her head. Every word you ever said, every piece of medical knowledge she had, and for her to be the only one able to know just how incapable she was of saving you- She'd start begging a higher power, probably, begging you to be strong in her stead- save yourself because she's not strong enough.

Rengoku wouldn't cry until you fully slipped away, doing all he could to muster his voice flat- you needed comfort, obviously. He knew it wouldn't heal the wounds, nothing could, but he was still denying that to keep his smile wide.

You wouldn't be in his arms but on his lap, his hand sweeping hair from your fading eyes. I think He'd sit there for a while. For too long, just trying to prevent tears, because you wouldn't make a move to wipe them.

Tengen would hurt, bad. You're in his arms, and he's rocking you, and he's having a panic attack- He'd deny it the hardest. For the longest.

There's a notable difference, Tengen understood, between the weight of a breathing person, and a dead body. He knew that difference the second you slumped against his shoulder, and his knees hit the ground. He'd try to wake you up, tell you to stop the act, it isn't funny, because God, what else could he do but joke in a half witted prayer to hear your laugh.

Giyu....

Fuck me , man. I don't think he's emotionally strong enough to handle anymore loss. He's already disliked by his peers, by himself, god, and everyone who breathed. You were the only person willing to talk with him- to waste time on him. To love him.

The imagery for this one is vivid- the rain. Ironic. Even in his own element he couldn't save you. He's hunched over you and mimics your shallow breathes, protecting your face from the down pour.

You can't get the words out to say how much you really, deeply love him. He keeps shushing you, trying to conserve your energy- He's panicking, too, hands unsure of their need. There were so many wounds, he couldn't possibly tend to them all.

The poor boy would whisper a beg- to let him go in your stead. He couldn't be left alone to survive again. Not again. He had too many lives he was carrying on his shoulders. Too many souls he was responsible for reaching heaven with, and he was never that good a man.

He's not asking God, he's asking you. And how cruel you were to not let him die.

'I can't- Y/N, I can't do this again.' He'd sound close to vomiting. A certain animalistic sound to his voice. Guttural, almost. 'You-You-God- no-no-n-'

But you'd be gone, unable and unwillingly to give him to permission he so desperately needed. Not deserved, He'd remind himself.

He'd all but rot next to you. The second your last breathe loosed, he'd stop breathing, too. Days would go by. Unmoving. Unfeeling.

I truly believe he'd die with you that day.

[toonfinch]

this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hello. How are you feeling? I hope you're doing well and keeping safe. And not working too hard. I hope you had an excellent and spectacular day. You of all people deserve it sooo much. Now that the very important questions are asked,I would like to say some things which randomly come in my brain and because I'm incapable of keeping my thoughts to myself. I have to make it everybody's business. Now, since you love lists and a list would make this simpler, here goes:

Have you ever wondered about Magnus's birth name? Like, do you want it to be revealed,or should it remain a mystery. I personally want it to be revealed.

2. Now, talking about TEC, what do you think about a Clockwork Princess style epilogue for Tbvotd? Like, we'll get that closure about Malec's relationship ( And cry buckets of tears). How Alec died, when he died,about the extended family etc. (Although the Lbaf gang is canon for me. You have made it so perfectly. That was a compliment btw. You should take it,and not be a Modest Magnus™)

3. Note: This one is not me asking your opinion, it's stating mine. I think one underrated Malec phase is the post Cohf malec. Like it wasn't explored upon. And it could have been really great if we did get content on it. Like,their first date after the break up,how both of them would have been nervous as hell. Alec wants it to go perfectly because he doesn't want Magnus to second guess the decision of getting back together. Magnus because he doesn't want Alec to think he made a mistake by accepting him and his past. Then,their first time after. Then the discussion of Alec moving in. Then being softly hesitant and then slowly becoming absolutely sure about their relationship and each other's feelings about them. There was just so much lost potential. CC should have given us something.

4. An AU that came in my mind. Malec are high school sweethearts. They actually knew each other from childhood. They were best friends before dating. Tmi gang is like the elite group in high school. They are very popular. Now,the angsty part. Alec's parents are politicians. They accepted him being gay but they were against him dating Magnus because he has a background (like him killing his stepfather and his mom committing suicide. And his birth father being MIA) which will not be good for someone who's going to be a politician. So, Alec's parents try to dissuade him from dating him,but Alec is adamant. So,Parents and Alec make a deal. Alec gets to date Magnus until graduation. After graduation,he can't date him anymore. Alec agrees, thinking his parents will see reason when they see him happy with Magnus. he doesn't tell Magnus about it. Izzy and Jace know about it and tell him to tell Magnus but he doesn't listen. Comes graduation day. Happiest day of Magnus's life. Because he's proud of how far he's come. Alec arrives late at graduation,and seems very miserable. Magnus asks him what's wrong. Alec tells him he has to break up with him. Magnus doesn't believe him and asks for the reason. Alec tells him about the deal. Magnus feels very betrayed and says Alec has been lying to him the entire time. Alec tries to explain and say his feelings were real and he wasn't playing around with Magnus. Magnus is heartbroken so he doesn't listen. Izzy and Jace come in. So do Simon and Clary. Magnus finds out all of them knew about the deal.(since Iz&J told Si& Clary). magnus thinks everyone betrayed him. he leaves with one parting line to Alec-. THANK you Alexander. Thank you for making what was supposed to be one of my happiest days into one of the saddest. He leaves. They try to track Magnus but he's off the grid. Alec accepts that he's gone. After 5 Years. Alec is a politician. Clace and Dizzy are thriving at life. They travel to LA (or any other place which is not NY) they see Magnus there. He has a new friend group. He's a hotshot lawyer. they're shock because he always wanted to be a photographer.

I can't think anymore.you add your details

I have wondered! I actually mention it one of my ongoing fics hehe. But I like mysteries so I don't want to know what it is. I like the name Magnus way too much 🥺

Thank you for the compliment, bebe. I think we're very unlikely o get that kind of closure for malec or any of the characters. There is a popular theory that TWP might end with clace wedding and since TBVOTD is released before that (IF I AM NOT WRONG) i think cassie won't write anything that will spoil the rest of the books.

I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH. And yes! So true! Getting back together after a break up is to tricky and I too would have loved to know how they navigated it. I really liked your ideas about it! Maybe you should write a one shot about it ;)

OKAY BUT YOU DEFINITELY HAVE TO WRITE THIS? HIGH SCHOOL ANGST HITS DIFFERENT I NEED THIS FIC SO BAD DO IT BRO WRITE IT PLEASE!!!!

ps - but seriously though these ideas are so fucking good i would love to read snippets or even MULTI CHAPTER FICS if you want to explore these ideas 💚

[masonsystem]

long post abt a seto quote surprise surprise

literally insane crazy that this is like the one (1) and only piece of text EVER that shows how seto had felt knowing that he and his family didnt have a future beyond his teen years, and even this isnt made that clear bc he brings up his own personal feelings abt this matter a total of net zero times like oh my god. like this is a dude that learnt about haruka's mortality way before haruka ever gained the courage to tell it to his friends (which is a big fucking deal considering his death drove ALL of his friends to suicide in different timelines), learned that his and his family's futures were gonna be cut short, and learned that his own DAD was going to be the one to carry that out via violently murdering them all. and hes like. god. anywhere from like 7-14 when he learns all of this and he never confides in Anyone EVER.......

and like the fact that this is the one and only piece of text IN ALL OF KAGEPRO where seto is shown expressing his feelings on this speaks for itself with how he just, bottles up and does not acknowledge his own feelings of despair like you can see his denial of his feeling in his overall demeanor throughout the story, laughing heehee hahaing with everyone at the theme park knowing they'll all die this week like hes crazy. he's crazier than kano bc kano at least breaks down but seto? ohhhh this crazy son of bitch doesnt break down until hes at the absolute limit (surviving after everyone dies + lying to mary for weeks + learning mary had been lying to him as well LIKE). but like the fact he can carry on AFTER HIS ENTIRE FAMILY DIES IN ONE NIGHT speaks volume of just how practiced he is in doing this shit, all of novel 8 seto pov is just Seto Repeatedly Denies That He Feels Grief For His Family 😃 and thru the most insane way by painting this narrative that he had always valued mary over everyone else, which is FALSE!!! BTW HE IS NOT A YANDERE..... FUCKING GRABS YOU LIKE oh my god hes not a yandere. he doesnt actually value mary over everyone else he is LYING like his whole character is characterized by wanting to change himself so he can support others and this EXTENDS BEYOND MARY.... literally this is the dude who speaks fucking weirdly bc he loved KIDO so much that he changed his speech patterns for her, at 14-ish years old starting looking for work so he could support his family, and he spent a whole night looking for kano.... like he loves his family. throughout novel 8 he's saying that he values mary more than anyone else but his actions? completely says otherwise...

and also the fucking shonen brave lyrics of how he talks about how he cant hear his own thoughts bc other people thoughts keep intruding and knocking on his mind, like not being able to recognize his own thoughts has always been a Thing with him like goddamnit im too sleepy to pull up the novel to grab more screenshots (hence why this post has a grand total of one quote from the screenshot lol), but like towards the end of novel 8 he basically has a moment where he says smth among the lines of like "-my own voice rang out, telling me 'you're wrong'." SOMETHING LIKE THAT. but yeah ignoring his feelings be it by his own accord or bc of the circumstances of his powers, has always been a Thing with seto.... SETOOOOOO

[your-ace-cousin-clover]

okay soooo... sorry for the delayed reply, i've been kinda busy!

i gotta start this off by saying how much i loved the way you wrote "[...] that feeling of wanting to reach divinity and holiness with your writing. The raw, exposed nerve of that writing." - it's hard for me to refer to writing as a hobby because it's such a substantial part of me, if that makes sense? or maybe that's just my codependent relationship to writing... whenever i don't write for a while i start feeling like a non-person! (ok, in hindsight this doesn't sound 100% related to the holiness bit, but that's what sparked the train of thought)

on for colored girls who have considered suicide - when the rainbow is enuf: i actually listened to a monologue from this a while ago on youtube, but I'll be sure to check out the full text!

also, on the topic of spoken-word & slam poetry: i'm going to a poetry reading at a friend's place later this month and it's nerve-racking. i mean, hey, of course i bleed into my poetry, and in theory i'm cool with that. but reading it aloud to a room half full of strangers? that's like lying on an operating table, flesh sliced open with surgeons over you. (i'm sure it'll be fun, though)

i've read primer for small weird loves and wishbone (because they're both included in richard siken's book crush - which is definitely worth the money (& btw, he has a new book coming out this year in fall/winter; thought i'd tell you in case you didn't know))! out of the two i like wishbone a lot more - although that's probably just because i relate to it a little bit more. i like making lists so i've compiled some of my favorite parts from the poem:

• "I took the bullet for all the wrong reasons [...]"

• "Let's not talk about it, let's just not talk."

• "[...] we keep doing it Henry, we keep saying until we get it right... [...]"

• "If you love me, Henry, you don't love me in a way I understand."

• "This is where the evening splits in half, Henry, love or death. Grab an end, pull hard, and make a wish."

it's crazy (well, not really, but you know) that you mentioned jericho brown, because we read something by him in english class a few years back and he's completely slipped my mind since then! so, thanks for reminding me :)

first of all, i love how duplex starts and ends with the same line - and this may be a reach, but it feels sort of like coming home? he introduces us to the line, we go away for a while, then we're back at the beginning. and maybe i just feel this way because for me going home is synonymous with going back home. (not always, but a lot of the time.) also, the contrast of "none of the beaten end up how we began" & the poem ending exactly how it began? i don't have the right words to explain what, but there's something that grabs me in that.

now, let's take a short detour because i feel like dropping some recs. here's two poets whose work i really enjoy: chen chen and jasmine ledesma (who i think is on tumblr, too? @/candiedspit if i'm not wrong). i'd specifically like to recommend (and hopefully hear you opinion on) chen chen's i'm not a religious person but & jasmine ledesma's short stories no candy, sorry and FIEND.

links (just in case the previous ones don't work):

i'm not a religious person but: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/58152/im-not-a-religious-person-but

no candy, sorry: https://tinyletter.com/jasmineledesma/letters/no-candy-sorry

FIEND: https://marchharemag.com/fiend

lastly, thanks for the prompt! i'll be sending you the poem in a separate ask (although i'm convinced it only makes sense if you're me) as to not make this one too long haha

-cat

Cat!

Sorry on the delayed reply on my side too. I've been sorta busy with a lot of stuff, but I had to drop in a message.

First of all, the poem? Iconic. It is so well written!!! Ahh! The way you use the numbers to count down all the things in a list sort of a format . And the splendid use of a clock ticking to signify the time coming closer and closer. It reminds of the Doomsday Clock which always reminds us that we are two minutes to complete destruction and in a way it is an inevitable destruction. "I'm one drink away from holiness and I'm not stopping" is such a vivid Ginsberg line that ahhh, it hits with the concept of the Beat Generation being these drunk, high poets who ultimately want to experience divinity through their intoxication and writing. And the ending with, "it's almost Valentine's- please tell your wretched heart I'm sorry." AGHH, the way the narrator tries to stop the inevitability of the sadness of romance?? Or being stuck in a relationship and trying to do better? The interpretations are left wide open and I love that.

[Let me know if you'd be okay with me sharing your poem? And oh, if you like to send me another prompt, I would love that.]

And I wanted to give you some advice on slam poetry performances, I have a bit of an experience with them. The surgical metaphor is indeed apt, there is some vulnerable to stand in front of a group of people to carve out yourself into words and see it take on a meaning for everyone differently. But, revel in that vulnerable state and see how that conveys meaning. Focus on a spot in the room and speak to it and let meaning take its own hold. And remember, even if you don't get the reception you are hoping for, hold onto the meaning that you initially wrote it with. How your poetry affects you in the end is what matters. And good luck! Let me know how it goes.

[I didn't know about the new Siken book. Do you know if it has a name? I'll have to look it up whenever it releases.]

Ahh, and I love the idea of listening favourite lines of poems, I might start doing that with my favourite poems too.

[Also, I know it's in the name, but there's something about the way Wishbone is written that it makes you keep as if you are splintering into bits and dissolving. Especially in the bit where he goes I wish you'd stop reminding about the debt because you can do nothing about it and even if you love me, it is not the way I want.; Please let me go, I cannot let you be in my debt anymore.]

Jericho Brown? Iconic. The cyclical nature of the form as well as it is sort of the same line all the while not being the same line is such a beautiful way to express the repetition, but all how each cycle in a way is different than the last one.

I loved Chen Chen's poem. The way God chooses to escape from his own reality through someone who does not believe enough in him to question him at first it beautiful. And what hits me is how God stops and creates a barrier again by sending the angel as soon as he is questioned in adjacent to his role in the universe. What interests me is how the atheist (I know it does not mention atheism directly, but close enough) is sent an angel and later meet with God, and therefore, the relation that they form is a meaningful bond between two individuals rather than being a power dynamic with the worshipped and the devotee.

There's something about Ledesma's stories about hopelessness in her both protagonists. In the same way, both are extremely tired of their circumstances and want to be somewhere else in perhaps a better versions of their selves. The scattered prose certainly draws it very strongly together.

And finally, to drop a rec of my own, let me know what you think of Ada Limon's "The Problem With Travel" and "Accident Report in the Tall, Tall Weeds." They both are very beautiful poems.

Hope to hear from you soon! :)

[aspenflower17]

Alright. I need to scream into the void because it is 5 AM and the anxiety is eating me alive.

So, in the tradition that is going on now, I am not happy at my job. My boss has done a lot of really messed up stuff, even before her staff all left. Here's some of them. Note: I am the assistant manager, with no manager above me.

1. When I started, we had monthly morning meetings to make sure everyone was on the same page (I started November 2019). Because of the pandemic, I understand why we stopped. So, 2021 rolls around and I was extremely excited to start those back up. Everytime I would tell her to schedule one (because I'm not in charge of the schedule), she would find some excuse not to do it. It is now September 2021, and we have had 1 (one) meeting, which she wouldn't really let me direct.

2. She won't come into her own store unless something huge is happening. She has told me on multiple occasions that she has to have employees to run the store because she can't always be there. Note, this is a small business. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked if I'm the owner because she. Does. Not. Come. In. She (hopefully) comes in once a week to bring us money and then bails.

3. Because of that, I have basically been running the store. I have had former co-workers tell people that stayed past them, "There's only so much responsibility [the owner] can put on [AspenFlower17] without just handing her the keys to the store." I have essentially gone gray enough at this point that people have suggested I just dye my hair gray. I'm going to be 26 next month... That's messed up.

4. I almost hit my breaking point a LONG time ago. After having a shift with her that left me in tears, I was ready to turn in my two weeks but then I found CBD for my anxiety. I stuck it out. When it got bad again, we hired a lovey, lovey girl who has turned into a friend for me. Because of her, I stayed a whole other year because I didn't hate work anymore. CBD doesn't help me anymore at work I'm so stressed. I no longer get to work with this coworker.

She also promoted me to assistant manager while we already had one and told me not to say anything to the current assistant manager because she would talk to her. A month or two later, we all had a meeting together, and THAT'S WHEN SHE TOLD HER!!! So, she left shortly thereafter because she felt like we were sneaking around behind her back, and I honestly don't blame her.

She also did not come in and work during covid even though we were open the whole time.

5. She has just, straight up lied about me to my staff. So, we had a lengthy discussion about what we could go for the staff to help combat burnout. I suggested we do a breakfast that wasn't a meeting just so everyone had time to hang out together. She agreed and when I mentioned going to a local restaurant, she then countered by essentially saying that we need to keep it cheap and to get stuff from the grocery store. So, I told her what day I was going to do it and then that we would have a meeting the next week. She said, "Okay. Well, mornings don't work well for me, so you just do it, and the store will just pay you back for it." Because she has a communication issue I had run into before, I verified the date and that I was okay to do it. She said yes, do it.

So day of the breakfast rolls around. It... Didn't go like I thought it would (partially because I was SUPER tired) but it happened. Whatever. The owner then spoke with one of the employees about how she was thinking about doing a breakfast for all of us. Said employee (who quit fairly soon there after) tells her we had already done it. The onelwer then tells her, "No... We had talked about it, but we never set anything up," and then proceeds to ask for details about it, and tells the employee we were all going to go to a restaurant and blah, blah, blah.

The staff then tells me, to which I obviously told them what actually happened, but it really kind of broke their trust with me and her because it wasn't a very good breakfast (we never had that nice one she told us about btw). I caught her in a point blank our again to me about another staff member later on, so I know they weren't lying (plus she seemed upset with me afterward for awhile). We did have the meeting though (the one we've had that I mentioned above, so... Obviously we decided on something... 👀

6. The back room is out of control and it's not my fault. So, we had a meeting with a higher up in the company (it's a franchise company, so no corporate but there is oversight) and he ran the numbers for us and told us that we need to buy more product to make our store a success (won't go into details, bit we buy products from people and then resale them). So I did. I pushed the staff to buy more stuff and low and behold, we had one of the best years we've EVER had, since the owner opened.

But, with more product comes more back stocking. And when I tell you our back room absolutely EXPLODED. It became a stressful place to be and I told the owner we needed more bins (which is what we put back stock in) when it started getting bad. She told me, "No. You need to make sure the bins we have are full and you need to stock more."

Well, about this time, we physically were not able to stock more because she didn't tell me it was clearance time and we were out if hangers, which I also communicated to her, and she brought us like 2 boxes (which doesn't do much). But I did everything I could to make that happen. I spent a ton of time combining bins and just trying to make it work in general and it wasn't working.

So, she comes into the back one day and just... Panics and reads me the right act for not telling her sooner that we needed bins... So I tell her, "But I did, back before it got this bad. You told me to just combine bins and put stuff out, but I can't do that because I can't because I'm out of hangers," and she says, "But I didn't know it was this bad..." But then later redacted that to say I never told her. So, she brings bins (BECAUSE SHE HAD SONE THE ENTIRE TIME), we... Kind of get the backroom manageable, and she tells me, "Now, if it ever gets bad again, you have to let me know. This is why communication is so important."

So, we use all the bins and are BARELY able to keep that okay. So, fast forward a couple months. The backroom is still messy and we've had... 4 people leave at this point (many because of the backroom). I have my lovely coworker come out of the back and tell me point blank, "[AspenFlower17], that backroom is stressing me out. I don't care if I have to buy them. We HAVE to get bins," so I go, "Cool. Let me text [the owner]," and so I text and tell her, "We need more bins. The staff is getting stressed out," and she texts back, "Well, I need a list if everything you have back there first," ... So I do. She then comes in and instead of working in the back, she's upfront BUYING MORE PRODUCT (she always buys a TON). Then, when I get there, she pulls me around the store, tells me everything that's wrong (note I haven't left behind the counter in we weeks because of buys), and then pulls me to the back, brings out a ton of bins for everyone to stock, and then leaves... That was the ultimate breaking point. I started enacting the exit plan I had come up with since I was already planning on leaving. We still don't have new bins btw.

7. Okay. So. I hired 3 new people. I knew one of them wasn't going to be great, bit figured the other two would be a good fit (this is around the time that everyone was leaving their jobs).

One girl, my favorite actually of the three, completely no showed on me and sent me a text quitting about it 40 mins before her shift though I didn't get it until 5 mins after she was supposed to show up because I DON'T CHECK MY PHONE AT WORK? I told the owner and said I could stay the extra two hours. She says, "Glad you're there."

Next day, I was able to spend some time in the back because, well, I needed to, and didn't get super far, but got some stuff done. I offered to stay longer but was told it was fine, even though one of my coworkers have herself dry socket and was in pain. We were short staffed because that girl quit.

So I go to my friend's house, glad the weeks over because I had the next day off. I then get a text from the coworker with dry socket asking was I actually did in the back. I tell her, getting really pissed at this point, and then she tells me something is leaking back there. So, I head BACK over after a 7 hour shift. She's freaking out and crying. My other coworker is trying to figure out the leak. In the meantime, product is getting wet. So, I stay back there and organize. We send the one with dry socket home and the other coworker is pretty pissed, says she's not staying past 8 and that I shouldn't either; the owner needs to if she wants the store to stay open. So, she texts the owner asking what to do, and doesn't get a reply. I text her, and get a reply 20 minutes later saying the earliest she can come in is 8...

So, this coworker tells me I need to leave because she's taking advantage of me and everything. I ended up staying another 4 hours. The owner was not there right at 8 (did I mention she's also late to almost EVERYTHING?) and seems put out because she had to scramble to find a baby sitter... Ummm... This is your store? And we could have closed early?

8. She's given me tons of shifts with BRAND new people and expected the store to run just fine. She won't even come into help with that.

9. So, I finally put in my two weeks on September 3rd. Work was so bad, I was starting to have suicidal thoughts. Everyone had just reached their breaking point and I was just done. I did not get a reply from her about it (I texted because of my anxiety). The next Tuesday she talked to me about it. I told her I was having suicidal thoughts and I wasn't happy. The next day we talk again, she and convinced me to stay if she made me the backstock manager, so I would only really deal with the back room and the stuff I actually enjoy (and no customers). She also told me she would handle staffing and front end stuff. I figured that would be a good thing, since that's what I've wanted since I started and it would be a full time position. The first week went fine. The second week I had time off, WHICH I REQUESTED BACK IN APRIL, and things just fell apart (partially because if another no show) and she did try to guikt trip me into coming in, which I refused.

It is the 22nd and I am not backstock manager. She has scheduled me 6 days this week and has scheduled it so she is only on the schedule twice. I still have to do staffing things. I'm still doing front end stuff, and she actually got snippy with me on Monday because she left for two hours and a new girl was whining about breaks and asking if she was coming back WHILE I WAS BUSY, so she asked if she could text the owner when she was coming back and I told her sure, whatever. The owner then calls me asking all these questions about why she had texted her and that she shouldn't have her phone on her and blah blah blah WHILE I AM LITERALLY TRYING TO HELP A CUSTOMER WHO DOESN'T SPEAK VERY GOOD ENGLISH!!! and then said, "Well, technically, I'm not on the schedule. I just came in to help you guys, so you're going to have to figure out breaks."

... What happened to you being in charge of the front?

She says I'll be in my new position in a matter of WEEKS, but won't show me anything new with it and with how this is going, I'm pretty sure, even if I do get in this new position, she's going to make me do shift leader stuff when she's short staffed again. She has had she entire staff quit on her before, so it's not like this is a new thing with her.

She doesn't complete all the tasks she's supposed to during the day and just leaves it for night crew, or if she's closing, for the next morning (because she does often open) but then doesn't get it done, again pushing it onto night crew. If we don't get done though, she'll reprimand us.

The problem is, I would just leave, but I feel really guilty about it. We are extremely short staffed and I feel like if I leave now, the store will fail and I've put so much into it, it just feels like a waste.

Everyone is telling me to get out and just leave... But... Anxiety... Plus I feel bad because I told her I'd stay.

Honestly, at this point I'm just looking for some validation that I should leave.

Oh, I also get paid $14... For an assistant manager position. Minimum wage in my state is $7.25 for reference. I also have a seasonal job that ends in October that doesn't pay well, but I enjoy.

Please... Thoughts?

[the-awkward-outlaw]

Hello ! Can u write an imagine where Arthur s/o kills Micah and she is banned from the gang. Would Arthur follow her ? Thank u :)

Man, I have been in the biggest writing funk for the first time in like nine months but I finally got this one done! Here you go, Anon! Sorry about the wait. 

(Author’s note: Arthur doesn’t have TB) (BTW, Arthur is husband material and no one can change my mind)

It’s already been a long, exhausting day and it’s not even midday yet. You hate it here, always will without a doubt. Beaver Hollow is just a complete shit show and the gang has seriously deteriorated. 

You miss how things used to be. You can remember how everyone was: Mary-Beth and Tilly giggling over romance novels, Sean bragging about how tough and smart he was, Uncle’s jokes, Hosea’s stories about his past and how he always added a note of wisdom. Oh Hosea. He was just another casualty of Dutch’s plight against modern America. 

Everything’s changed since Hosea died and the boys returned from their tropical trip. Javier doesn’t sing or play the guitar anymore, no one laughs, people fight constantly. It’s a burden and a pain to be in the camp nowadays, and you hate it. The person who’s changed the most though is Dutch. He’s not the caring, almost paternal figure who was just struggling slightly to help everyone get back on their feet like he was right after the Blackwater mess. Now he seems to be on a suicide mission and intent on taking everyone in the gang with him. 

The worst thing about the whole situation is Micah. He’s always known how to butter Dutch up but when Hosea was around, he kept himself in check. Now that Hosea’s gone, he’s been in Dutch’s ear the whole time and you haven’t liked it. You’re not the only one; Arthur and John have been suspicious about the whole thing. 

Arthur’s faith in Dutch has been severely shaken. He questions Dutch much more than he ever used to. Dutch doesn’t like it, and he keeps on lying, saying he’s going to get everyone out. All he’s done is killed Cornwall, blown up a bridge, brought Pinkertons closer to camp than ever and used the war between the army and the Wapiti into his favor, even getting the chief’s son locked up during a feud. 

Arthur walks over to your tent after donating a deer to Pearson, who’s drunk again. He’s been coming to you to talk a lot more lately, though you’re not sure why. You’ve had a crush on Arthur for ages but never acted on it. You two have been friends for what seems like forever and you refuse to destroy that over some silly feelings you have. You’ve wondered if Arthur has a crush on you too. It’s just the way he acts sometimes, things he says. The way he wanted you to come with him to tell Mary he didn’t want to be her errand boy anymore. The way you catch him staring at you sometimes. How he always wants you to go off hunting with him but won’t invite anyone else. 

Just as he’s about to say something to you, Dutch calls him over. Arthur gives you a yearning look and then turns around to go see him. A few moments later, someone catches your attention, pulling you away from your work, with their voice. It isn’t Arthur, though or even John or Mary-Beth. It’s Micah. 

“Ah glad to see you’re putting an effort into keeping this place running. We can use all the help we can get,” he simpers. 

“The fuck do you want, Micah?” you snarl. 

Micah’s always been a pebble in everyone’s shoes but now with Hosea out of the way and Dutch going crazy, he’s been acting like he’s in charge of things. He keeps badgering people to do their chores (which most of them have been) and that everyone needs to pull their weight. This doesn’t bother you, what does bother you is the hypocrisy of it all. He never does a damn thing. The last job he helped with was murdering Cornwall but you felt he did it out of a personal interest and less of a needs-to-be done basis. 

“Always gotta be so bitter,” he says, smiling. “You know, if you were a little nicer, people might actually like you. Too bad nothing can be done to make you pretty though. Unfortunately you’ll just have to stick to nice but ugly.” 

You throw down the sewing you’d just been doing and stand up, marching over to him. He wisely takes several steps backwards as you whip out your pistol. 

“Give me one more goddamn reason, you cockroach,” you hiss. “I won’t hesitate to kill you.” 

He whips out his own gun and points it at you. “You don’t have the guts, little girl.” 

“Wanna bet? You ain’t the first person I killed, though I’m not sure I can really define you as a person.” 

By this time, your argument has attracted the attention of many of the others. They form a circle and watch, but no one dares interrupt. You get the feeling that most of them want you to kill him. The majority of them have had problems with him too. 

“Woe!” Dutch says, walking over with his hands in the air. “There is no need to have guns drawn in camp. Both of you fools, put them away.” 

He stands next to Micah and glares from him to you. Arthur stands a few feet behind him and shakes his head at you, clearly trying to stop you from doing something reckless.

“She started it, Dutch,” Micah says, his gun still drawn. 

“Bullshit! You’re the one going around insulting everyone. Trust me, if I don’t shoot you now, someone else will. Like Lenny said back in Colter, when you fall there’ll be a party.” 

“Watch your mouth,” he growls. “Keep flapping your gums and you’ll end up just like Lenny and Hosea. Better yet, maybe you’ll get your head shot off like good ol’ Sea-”

Before he can finish, he’s silenced by your bullet slamming into his neck. He sputters and drops his gun, grabbing at his gushing neck. People start yelling and Javier and Bill grab you, making you drop your gun. 

“Let go of me!” you scream as Micah falls to his knees. Dutch glares at you, clearly shocked. As Micah slumps down onto his stomach, he stomps towards you. Javier and Bill hold your arms tight and you can’t fight them off. 

“You know the rules, Y/N,” Dutch says quietly. “There’s absolutely no reason to shoot anyone in camp unless they’re traitors.”

“How do you know Micah wasn’t a traitor, Dutch?” you snarl. “Ever since Guarma, those damn Pinkertons have been nipping at your heels more than ever.” 

Dutch lowers his brow. “I’m going to give you five minutes to get away from here. Never come back, Y/N. I never want to see you around here again.” 

Javier and Bill let you go, but you look around, silently pleading with the others to help you. No one does and your eyes finally fall onto Arthur. His mouth is partially open but his eyes say he wishes you hadn’t done it. He says nothing though, and you feel your stomach drop. Of course he’d choose Dutch over you. He’s known him for twenty years and Dutch saved his life. You’ve only known him a few years and maybe helped him get out of a few scrapes. You’ve got nothing on Dutch when it comes to Arthur. You don’t blame him either. No matter what kind of mess Dutch has gotten everyone into, Arthur’s been doing his best to keep things together. All you’ve done is create a bigger mess for him to clean up. 

You know it’s time for you to leave. There’s no doubt in your mind that Dutch is just crazy enough to kill you, and the clock is ticking. You push your way between Tilly and Karen and go to your tent, packing everything up quickly. You feel everyone’s eyes on your back until Grimshaw barks at everyone to get to work and for Charles and John to get Micah’s body taken out of camp. You throw everything onto your horse and then run off down the path, feeling your heart break. You’ll never see any of them again, not even Arthur. Your best friend and the man you love will never be part of your life again. 

********************************

It’s been three weeks since you were forced to leave camp. You’ve gone back west, back to where you’ve always belonged. You’ve found a small cabin not too far from Aurora Basin in Tall Trees. When you first arrived, the cabin had clearly been abandoned for a long time. You cleaned it up and made it habitable. You’ve decided to hang up the hat on being an outlaw. The Pinkertons won’t be coming out this way looking for the Blackwater robbers, not when they know exactly where Dutch is, so you’re safe out here. Besides, you weren’t even involved in that mess, so no one will associate you with that. 

It’s been lonely but peaceful out here. No more having to rob people, no more feeling like you’re chasing your own tail in Dutch’s crazy schemes. No more having to worry about anyone else besides yourself. You’ve missed them though, all of them. You miss joking with Tilly and Karen, discussing books with Mary-Beth, listening to Javier’s stories about Mexico. Even Pearson’s cooking since you’re not much of one yourself. 

More than all of that though, you miss Arthur. You miss the sound of his voice, the conversations you had during long hunting trips. He was the only person you could tell anything to. There were many nights you spent under the stars with him and even a few curled against him to keep out the cold. You miss the way he smelled, the way he’d hesitatingly touch you. You two were a perfect hunting team, you were able to track and kill prey without hardly saying a word. You try to settle with the idea that you’ll just have to reminisce in the memories of him but to forget a future with him in it. Not that you had much hope for that before. Arthur may have told Mary to take care of herself from now on, but you always knew he;d never go for you. 

You’ve been fishing in the lake for some time and gotten hardly any luck. You sigh and decide to call it a day, collapse your pole and pick up your almost empty bucket. You head up the road, feeling lonely and missing the company of your family. When you round the bend leading to your cabin, you look up and see a familiar face. 

“Arthur?” you say quietly, not sure if he’s really there or not. 

He rubs his jaw and looks at you, clearly searching for the right words. You stop and look for him, your stomach clenching. Has Dutch sent him? Dutch said you only had five minutes to get out of camp, but not that he wouldn’t hunt you down. The only reason you can think that Arthur’s here is because Dutch told him to find and kill you. You hover your hand over your gun, hoping you won’t have to use it. 

“Arthur, please let me explain,” you say. “You know Micah was just making things worse. Let’s just put this all behind us, okay? Just tell Dutch you killed me, at least do me that favor.” 

“Dutch didn’t send me, Y/N,” he says softly, his hands on his gunbelt. He takes a step towards you but stops when you back up, clearly worried. He raises his hands. “I ain’t here to hurt ya, darlin’.” 

Darlin’? He’s never called you that before. He’s always addressed you by your name. If you didn’t know Arthur, you’d think he might be lying and pretending to be harmless, but you know him too well. He doesn’t lie. 

You blink heavily, feeling your eyes water. “Why else would you be here, Arthur?” 

He sighs and takes another step towards you, his hands still up. “Y/N, I ain’t followin’ Dutch no more. You said it weeks ago, he’s gone crazy. He didn’t get better when you left either. Micah might not have been around to stir him up, but he’s just gone worse. He was real angry when Charles and I went and broke Eagle Flies out of jail, tryin’ to clean up his mess.” 

Arthur goes on to say how the army tried to kill Chief Rains Fall for the oil on his land and how the gang went to help try and save Eagle Flies as he went to get revenge for his people. By the end, Arthur got trapped beneath a soldier and nearly killed. Dutch had been the only one there and could have easily saved him, but chose not to. When Arthur confronted him about it, a huge fight broke out between them and Arthur decided he’d had enough. He snuck John, Abigail and Jack out that night and then decided to find you. 

“I knew you’d come out west, Y/N. You’re too much like me, this is where you’ve always wanted to belong.” 

“But why would you want to come after me, Arthur? I understand why you left, but why come after me?” 

He lowers his hand and walks up to you until he’s only a couple feet away. “Because I care about ya, Y/N.” His gruff voice is soft, sending shivers down your arms. “Because you’ve always tried to help me. If you’d been there, I know you woulda saved my life, not leave me to die like Dutch did. I did everything I could for him, even almost died for him multiple times. I gave him everything I had and got nothin’ to show for it. I’m done, darlin’. I want to be with you.” 

Your entire body is shaking as he talks. He closes the distance between you and wraps his arms around you. What little strength you had holding you together crumbles and you sink into his chest, tears leaking out of your eyes. 

“I’m sorry I weren’t there for ya when you killed Micah,” he says, rubbing your back. “To be honest, I was happy when you killed Micah. He’s been a giant thorn in my side since he showed up and I’ve wanted to shoot him myself since Sean died. I was just shocked that you’d done it so quickly. I shoulda gone with you when Dutch forced you out.” 

You shake your head into his shirt. “No, it’s good you didn’t. If you’d left with me, Dutch would have hunted both of us down. He knows how essential you are to everything, he wouldn’t like it if you left with me.” 

He sighs and leans his cheek against your head. “Well, I’m here now, darlin’. If you’ll have me, I’d like to stay with ya as long as I possibly can. You’re my best friend and…” He pauses so long you look up at him to find his cheeks red. “I gotta be honest, Y/N, I’ve been sweet on ya for years.” 

It’s your turn to blush and you smile. “Really? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“We had things so good, Y/N. We been friends so long, worked so well together, I didn’t wanna ruin that. Besides, I know you wouldn’t have feelings for me. I’m just an old, dirty outlaw. I ain’t worth no one’s time.” 

You grimace at him. “Arthur, I hate how poorly you view yourself. You wanna know what I think about you?” 

“I suppose, though I doubt it’ll be anythin’ good.” 

You sigh and stretch up, placing your lips against his. They’re soft, though slightly chapped. He tenses up when you touch him but after a second he responds. His lips move with yours and you trace his with your tongue. After a moment, you pull away. He’s cheeks are darker but he’s smiling. 

“That’s what I think of you, Arthur. I’d love it even more if you decided to stay with me. I’ve been sweet on you for the longest time, it’s been so hard for me to keep it out of our relationship. I just didn’t wanna ruin our friendship.” 

He smiles in and leans in to kiss you again. You feel the first surge of excitement and happiness since you got kicked out of the gang. You can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you now.

[geneclarksboobs]

The Great Peter Infodump of March 2020

yo @brackets-and-woolly-hats @mijaco-geo and @mike-nesmith-for-mayor I have recently been informed that yall would really like me to infodump about Peter and I want to thank yall because I think if I held it in any longer I would explode

Also thanks to the coolcherrycream articles and various interviews that I learnt all these from in the 5-ish months I’ve been thinking about the monkees for

But before I start going hnngggg Peter I would like to warn you that despite my tone this is going to contain some heavy stuff. We’re talking brief mentions of blood, and suicide and death so be careful about that

This is gonna get hella long so *cracks knuckles* let’s begin

Childhood

let’s start from the very beginning: a very good place to start

Friday, 13th February one bb was born and he would always say that Friday the 13th was a lucky day for years onwards

He was born with a lot of diversity in his parentage

He’s Irish and German-Jewish on his mother’s side and Norwegian on his dad’s side

Speaking of Jewishness (is that a word???) I rememeber an article saying that he used to randomly say Hebrew words in interviews and I think he taught Mike how to say something too?? I dont know

Peter was a very friendly boy even when he was just a toddler cus he would drag any new friend he had home

Anyway, he was born in Washington DC

Once on Christmas he went missing and his mum and grams panicked and looked all over the house for him

Turns out he was just waiting at lampost in the snow because he wanted to make sure that Santa would bring him a present

Speaking of Grams, when he was 3 (i think im doing this from memory) he was at a post office with his mother when she came in.

He got uber excited and shouted “THAT’S MY GRAMS. HER NAME IS CAIT!”

And so everyone turned to look at her and he squealed

He would also often ride on the top part double deck buses and whenever the bus slowed down, he would wave to nearby people and say “HI MY NAME’S PETER WHAT’S YOUR?” to which those people who wave back and sometimes answer him. I mean, wouldn’t you?

Also he started to play with pianos when he was 3 and also he liked dancing so that’s cute

One of his first memories was of being at the hospital where his brother Nick (who they called Nicky and that’s what I’m going to call him) was born

Soon after Nicky was born they moved to Germany Yeet. He was 4 and the time and Nicky was like 18 months or smth

Germany

Right so I dont know why people dont talk about this part of his childhood because like,,,it’s interesting??

In Germany they had two maids

They had to put sugar in every food so that Peter and Nicky would actually eat the strange German food

He became very fluent in German and would help his mother with translations

He was also fluent in French for some reason

Someone made a statue of his 4 year old head and it became a famous minor art piece that featured in calendars

It probably now sits in his house because I saw in in the background of the short documentary that his son, Ivan Ivanoli made about him which you sould check btw

Anyway, when Peter was 5 he made his first official best friend Ule who was two years older than him

Once when he was playing hide and seek with Nicky he ran at full force at a closed glass door that he thought was open, shattering it, and getting a shard into his arm. Reasonably he screamed

Apparently, he was hurt a major artery and would have bled to death if not for someone being in the house to call a doctor

Once he was out and about wandering around, as you would do if you were Peter when he was stopped by some official looking guy from going back into his own house.

It’s important to note that Peter looked very much like a German boy and would ONLY talk in German outside. God knows why he did this.  Reasonably, the dude thought he was lying and he had to call for his mum

Anyway, in Germany school starts when you’re five but his birthday was in the middle of the school year so his parents sent him in early which set him up for some outcasted child syndrome later

And then the moved back to America yeet

AMERICA (LAND OF CAPITALISM)

So he moved back into America but it didn’t stop there. No. They had to move around like a 100 different times and as someone who went to a total of 4 different schools (so far oh no) that sets you up with outcasted child syndrome. What also sets you up with outcasted child syndrome is if you’re an undiagnosed neurodivergent which Peter seemed to think he was when he was in his 50s (either ADHD or autism) so uhh keep that in mind

So he was in school and as mentioned earlier he was a year younger than his peers so that’s fun

He was very very clever. Often he would finish his work first and his (4th grade) teacher would make do some reading or creative writing. She encouraged him to do creative writing because she saw some talent in there

Not only was he acadmically gifted, but he was also musically gifted. Playing not only the piano (which he got lessons for) but also the guitar, the banjo, the bass, and the french horn which he got an award for when he was in highschool playing in a band made out of college students for some reason

Speaking of awards, he was once given an award for maths

This giftedness would later set him up for Gifted Child Burnout he had in college

Also he changed schools like a total of 13 times so that’s fun

He went to a private school but apparentl, according to his parents, he hated it (but he remembered liking it???)

Also, he made a lot of jokes in class

Remember Nicky? Yeah, Nicky would often write songs for him to sing and stuff (Nicky would later write songs for Peter’s solo album and a bunch of other stuff what a great brother we stan)

The family had some kind of barn once where he would do puppet shows his siblings

Anyway, school life was all fine and dandy until 5th grade hit and he changed schools and everyone lost interest in him because he was one year younger

Also his dad was apparently very disconnected with him. Needless to say, Peter felt like his father didn’t like him

Once when he was 9, he told his father that he noticed that when the clouds were around at night, it would be warmer during the day to which his father shouted at him saying that “he has no proof of that” and that he shouldn’t say anything without proof

This of course led him to feel like no one wanted to listen to what he wanted to say

poor baby

I think his father would have been the reason why Peter would later say in an interview that he hated “loud abusiveness” the most

He would also later say that a combination of his dad and feeling like he was weird and different would lead him to his drinking problem

So umm we dont stan his dad ok

Once when he was 13 he picked up a loaded shotgun and put it against his head. But he decided that he didn’t want to do it at the last second.

Overall, life from 5th grade till highschool was terrible for him

He didn’t have any friends in his school

So when he moved to a new school in Conneticut where he was surrounded with people of the same age, he was really happy all the way until college where he flunked out twice

Hippie Time (Honestly this part is just me talking about him and Stephen Stills because Steter Stirk changed me)

And so Peter became a hippie in Greenwich Village

In the Village, he became a sort of entertainer. Not just singing and playing, he was also a comedian. 

And then he kept hearing about this dude who looked like him from other people.

This dude turned out to be Stephen who was also hearing the same kind of talk for about the same amount of time

Pete and Stephen VIBED im not kidding they started to play with each other and also Stephen’s room mate who was also there

Also it turns out that they liked to talk about the same things so that’s neat

Peter went to Venuzuela apparently and when he came back the Monkee thing happened yeet

Once when Stephen was waiting to move into his new house Peter was all like “hey dude live with me”

For a while they also lived in the same house when he was Monkee and if that doesn’t fuel any ship fics I dont know what will

Im serious the ship is here and its real I saw fics and fanart

Dont ask about Stirk

They played with the colour tv and would “pick apart each other’s brains” umm

Also Peter’s favourite band was buffalo springfield and we stan a friend who would say your band was their favourite band

And I think this is where my knowledge starts to fade because I haven’t really heard any cool facts from here on afterwards

Last Final Cool Facts

He was a teacher for quite a while and taught about Maths, basketball (despite not liking any sport except swimming) and Easter Philosophy,,,yes easter philosphy the man was into that kinda stuff

Also he was a big reader. Always having a smoll book in his pocket that he would read while on set with the Monkees. But he was particularly a non fic kinda guy

He would write poetry on the back of scripts

In the 2000s he said that his sister thought he might have ADD

Also autism but when asked about it he’d be all P E R H A P S

which is very unhelpful Peter pls give us a straight answer

I mean he cant give us straight answers because he was the gayest monkee (he fricked a dude once but he didn’t like it)

Hey look I ended on a gay note yeet. Thanks for reading this mess

[nirvhannahcornell]

Firstly I would like to mention this is NOT the real nirvhannahcornell, this is a burner account made to call out her questionable and horrible actions. The real nirvhannah is known now as “josiebelladonna” and can be found here: @josiebelladonna​. She changed her URL and didn’t save this one so I jumped on the golden opportunity. 

Some of you may be familiar with Hannah, you’ve probably seen her around on your dash, in the tags of your favorites. She’s there posting fanart and fanfiction, it seems all like harmless fun on the surface. But deep below there’s a grim fuckin reality, a reality no one is talking about. We’ve all sat back and watched her hellish meltdowns. Picking fights with her “fans” because they like her post opposed to reblogging them, getting in public squabbles with her friends over petty shit. We’ve sat back and stayed silent, but I’m not staying quiet any longer. I’ve tried sending her asks to explain herself and without fail every time she’s said tumblr fuckin “ate them” so the next best thing was a public callout. Let’s see the matrix glitch this shit.

The perfect place to begin with her fucking crimes have to be how she tries to push the idea that she’s mixed. I’m fully aware it’s fucked up to call someone’s race to attention like this, and I definitely wouldn’t be if she wasn’t completely faking and tossing racial slurs around like her lilywhite ass can claim them. To my knowledge and to the research I’ve done, Hannah isn’t mixed. Her dad and brother are fully white and so is she. She’s tried to claim having “african blood” and “native american blood” (of course she says I*dian but we’ll get into that later), but from what I’ve seen there is no “african blood”, I’m 100% sure she did a test on ancestry.com and saw she was .0000001% african american and decided to call herself mixed. The “native american blood” she claims to have is ALLEGEDLY from her great grandfather, but I’d take that fact with a grain of salt because she seems to be a compulsive liar.

(Note how her racist ass unabashedly says I*jun for everyone to see. But it’s okay guys, she’s 1/64th Native American!)

(Here she is claiming to be mixed race. Notice how she says “I*dian roots” and “African Blood”. That shit busted as fuck like what the fuck does she even…)

(Here’s some more posts claiming to have “black heritage” and then somehow making it about how Joey “talked about her” on a podcast. (I’ll get into that too (: )

This isn’t the first instance of her using racial slurs publicly for you me and god to see. We’re all looking and I wish I couldn’t see. Here’s a few examples. 

(“My I*jun boy” “I*jun orange” I literally cannot make this bullshit up.)

(“My I*dian beauty” “my favorite I*dian'' (she is also grungeandmetalfanfics btw!!))

She claims she can say these things, I guess because she’s .0000000004% Native American! Makes it a-OK! I guess because she has “African Blood” she can say the N-Word then? No? Oh well, she did it anyway! 

(Her argument, I’m guessing, is she can say I*jun because Joey (an actual Native American man) says it. Which makes no fucking sense because shes fucking white she can’t say it.)

If this wasn’t insane enough. As if it could possibly get even more horrible. She is overall just genuinely a bad person. If you ever supported her art with a like, you would know. Because apparently that shit peeves the fuck out of her. Even though you’re showing your support she loses her fucking mind when you don’t reblog anything she’s produced. (I don’t blame you it’s shit anyways) And then tries to guilt all of her followers into reblogging her shit. It’s manipulative and horrible. 

(this didn’t last of course she's too full of herself to stay away.) 

Note how she makes it seem like she was blessing us with her content. Did you know she existed before this? She plagues fandom tags with her shitty fanart and fanfiction thinking we should bow to her and be fucking blessed with her presence. Maybe we should, she claims to have a fond relationship with Chris Cornell!

Oh.. Wait…

(one of the 2 interactions she had with him, both pertaining to fanart she drew. He would do this often, respond to fans and their fanarts. This is nothing special)

(Her dad calling her out on her delusions) 

Don’t let her fool you. Her and Chris Cornell didn’t know each other, they weren’t friends. Chris had no clue who she was beyond the fanart she made for him. She’s literally so deep in this fantasy she’s insane enough to think she could’ve prevented Chris’ suicide. 

(She also believed ben shepherd was in love with her. She sent him a letter and he didn’t respond. Apparently he owed something to her because she opened up to him via letter and, as you would expect a famous person who definitely has someone who goes through their mail for them, he didn’t respond. I don’t know how in the FUCK she ever got the idea that he was in love with her. I don’t know what in the FUCK is wrong with her. She eventually got pissed because she found out he had a kid with his girlfriend? And apparently he was supposed to tell her? She’s fucking delusional look into that if you want, I don’t have enough time or evidence for that one, it’s certainly a lot.) 

A new installment in her delusions is the infamous Jasta Show feat. Joey Belladonna. It’s a 2+ hour long podcast where they mostly talk about the pandemic and what not, current events going on. Allegedly, in this podcast, Joey says Hannah’s name. 

I sat through the entire podcast (Joey says holy cow about 5 fucking times) and timestamped at 106:58 they start talking about Chris Cornell. To which Joey says “oh, we talked about him yesterday because some girl was drawing some stuff- she liked him a lot. and I thought about him too.” Nonspecific. Plain. There’s no fireworks or warmth or whatever the fuck. He mentions that and moves on. I’ve timestamped it for you all, the podcast is free to listen to, you can all listen to it yourself. (The Jasta Show 517 Joey Belladonna) Unless her name is “some girl” there was no name drop. 

(no one gave a shit because it wasn’t that big of a fucking deal “some girl”) 

Don’t let her fool you with her delusions. She also makes it seem like her and Krista (Joey’s wife) are friends when really Krista likes most all posts that are #joeybelladonna on Instagram. They aren’t close, they aren’t buddies or whatever the fuck. 

(Here’s that one shit she keeps talking about raw fucking format or some shit idk it’s a fucking side project Joey started that’s probably not even Joey messaging her they have 140 something followers I don’t even feel like getting into this dumbassery. Fucking clown.)

If you aren’t convinced enough in her insanity. Hannah has literally used Cliff’s accident as a plotpoint in her shitty fanfiction. Yes,that's right. She’s used Cliff Burton’s real life tragic accident as a plotpoint in a fanfiction with Joey and Lars. Not only did she do that, but she shoehorned Joey into the fucking accident. Like they’re all fictional characters. It’s fucking vile and insensitive. 

(The fucking post she linked was the infamous pic of Lars, James and Kirk after the accident)

In conclusion, Hannah is batshit crazy. She’s insane. She wants us to believe she’s mixed because she’s obsessed unhealthily with Joey Belladonna and wanting to look and be like him. She wants us to believe she’s friends with all of these musicians, that they’re in love with her. That they were close. None of this is true. She’s just a lying, rude, self centered, fucking psychotic bitch and if you know her I’d suggest staying away. 

Not even her fucking friend wants to be involved.

[shirtlesssammy]

5x18: Point of No Return

Hey-our first request episode! It’s a good one, considering Adam might (?) be coming back this season, and then there’s the whole fathers are shitty theme. Oh, and Dean and Cas are fighting. 

Then:

Remember Adam?

Now:

In an empty bar in Nowhere, USA, Zachariah commiserates with a man about The Man. Then the walls start shaking and the other guy wonders if it’s an earthquake. The place lights up and Zach sullenly admits that it’s his boss. Before you know it, the bartender and other guy’s eyes are burned out and Zach is back in the heavenly business. 

On the alcohol train to Sad Town, Dean packs his only belongings (minus Baby, I guess) in preparation to saying yes to Michael. We say goodbye to the leather jacket (for good --well, I think we see it in Swan Song too, but --like, how crazy is it that there was a fundamental shift in the storytelling of the show when that jacket was stolen after season 5? Would Dean still be wearing it to this day? I would like to think that isn’t true.) He boxes up the jacket, Baby’s keys, his gun, and writes a letter. Oh, and he downs hard liquor straight from the bottle the whole melodramatic time he’s doing this. (Side note: he’s staying at Mike’s Travel Inn which is wonderfully fitting since he plans to become Michael’s own personal travel inn. Wanek!)

For Drama Llama Dean Science:

Sam finds Dean and confirms Dean’s own plans to him. Sam wants Dean to wait on this plan of letting Michael take him. Bobby has a plan. Okay, he doesn’t, but Sam is going to stop him anyway. Dean gets in a good dig about Sam not having demon blood to help him. Sam counters that he still brought help. Before Dean can react, Cas has flapped in and he zaps Dean back to Bobby’s. 

Urgh, those were the days. Sometimes I REALLY miss flying Cas. 

At Bobby’s we have a pissed off Dean, pissed off Cas, pissed off Bobby, and a peacemaker Sam. Bobby calls Dean “son”, and Dean counters that he isn’t Dean’s father. OUCH and a HALF. Bobby then shows Dean the bullet he wants to put through his brain. He doesn’t though because he promised Dean that he’d keep fighting.

Cas is suddenly hit with a massive wave of angel radio goodness and he’s gone. (I just love the editing of when Cas flaps away. Sigh.) 

Cas ends up in a field somewhere. 

For Side-profile Science:

In his attempt to investigate something coming out of the ground, two other angels attack him. He is an effortlessly badass angel though, and dispatches them with 

I’m sorry, what was I saying? 

He pulls someone from the ground and takes him back to Bobby’s. It’s Adam, Sam and Dean’s long lost/dead half-brother. Okay, the dramatic camera zooms and swelling music was just A+ soapy drama there. Cas engraves angel warding on Adam’s ribs and wakes him from his graveyard coma. Adam knows who Sam and Dean are --because the angels warned him about them. He demands to see Zachariah. Wherps. 

They let him clean up, give him some hard liquor, and ask him to tell them his story. He tells them that he was in heaven (or prom to him) and angels interrupt to tell him he’s going to save the world. He’s the archangel Michael’s vessel. Dean thinks that’s insane. Cas points out that Adam is also of John Winchester’s bloodline, and Sam’s brother. Dean forgets he’s with company and propositions Cas. 

Sam tries telling Adam that the angels are lying to him. Adam doesn’t believe him. Sam asks him to give them time to prove they’re right. He tells Adam that “they’re blood” and that’s why they should be trusted. (Dean’s little smile at that...like I get how that’s important to Dean, but also, I love how SO much about this show is how important these bonds are despite there being no blood between this found family.) Adam is appalled. They’re not family. John wasn’t his father (AND can we talk about how fucking jealous Dean was that John actually did things, like baseball games, with Adam, and Adam saw those baseball games as nothing? John wasn’t there for him on a day to day basis and so he wasn’t Adam’s father. Ugh, John was the woooorrsst.) (Dean’s little half-smile about John was also worth watching.) 

Later, Adam tries making an escape but Sam catches him, and sits him down with a beer to discuss John.

Sam thinks Adam was lucky to not have John around all year (Ahem, you didn’t either, Sam…) Adam was alone a lot because his mom worked. He raised himself. Ugh, kinda like you and Dean, right Sam? Then Adam makes a Family Vacation reference and we KNOW he’s related to Dean. Btw, where are Dean and Cas during this convo? 

Dean’s checking out Bobby’s safe room when Sam and Cas show up. Cas silently flirts with Dean. Dean forgets he’s in front of Sam and flirts right back at Cas. These two are killing me this season. They’re in that sweet spot of flirting before it all goes to hell. SIGH.

For the record, I’d like to point out that Cas was making that face at him the whole time they were in the living room with Bobby before Adam showed up. Also, I’d like to point out that both Dean and Cas were missing when Adam tried to escape. 

Dean and Sam talk in private about not letting Adam let Michael in. Sam lets Dean know he’s not letting him do it either. Um, then Dean lists all the people that they’ve “gotten killed”, and I’d like to give a big shout out “Fuck you” to Chuck himself. According to Dean they got everyone killed! He’s “also tired of fighting who he’s supposed to be.” UGGH. Dean tells Sam that he doesn’t think Sam will be able to withstand the devil, so he’s got to be there to fight. Sam walks away.

Upstairs, Cas watches Adam intently as though making sure he won’t sleep walk away. When Sam heads upstairs, totally wrecked, Cas makes his way back down to the basement. (To finish their assignation - right, Boris?) He hears a crash. Dean Bean’s nowhere to be seen in the safe room so Cas opens the door. Dean directs his attention to a cabinet door with a bloody angel banishing sigil on it. BOOM! Cas out.

Dean creeps out of the basement through the cellar hatch. JellyDEAN noooooo!

Sam heads out to track down Dean, leaving Bobby to watch over Adam. In his dreams, Adam chillaxes at a playground when Zachariah smarmily flaps in. Zach tells Adam that he’ll see his mom soon, but first he’s got to figure out how to escape. Zachariah warns Adam about the Winchesters, describing Sam and Dean as dangerously codependent and more interested in saving each other than the world. Which is sorta...valid? “They’re not your family. Understand?”

Outside a bar, a street preacher shouts at random passerby when Dean runs up and asks if he knows who Dean Winchester is. “Dear god, yes,” the preacher replies (for all of us).

The preacher starts to pray to the angels about Dean’s location when Cas zaps him unconscious. 

Cas flips the fuck out. “I rebelled for this?” he shouts as he bashes Dean around in the alley. “I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me?” 

Dean, always a glutton for punishment, eggs Cas on. Cas should destroy him! Why not? Don’t you know who he is??? He’s Dean Winchester, PROM KING of Self-Loathing High. Cas stops punching out his feelings. His fist uncurls.

He zaps Dean unconscious instead.

Back at Bobby’s house, Adam’s disappeared and Sam is a leeeetle bit stressed out.

Cas flaps in with a majorly roughed up Dean and announces that he was the cause of Dean’s injuries. Hashtag Dangerbird-of-the-Lord. About Adam’s whereabouts, Cas speculates that the angels nabbed him and took him to the Beautiful Room from season four. 

Cue the close-up on baroque art, beer, and burgers. Adam’s enjoying his last meal when Zachariah flaps in to hand him a pink slip. “You’re not so much the ‘chosen one’ as you are a clammy scrap of bait.” 

“Son of a bitch,” Adam mutters, Winchesterily. 

Adam’s starting to realize that Zachariah is a pretty terrible friend. Zachariah reinforces this conclusion by making Adam cough up blood. 

Down in Bobby’s panic room, Dean’s chained to the bed. 

Sam fills Dean in on the situation: Adam’s being held prisoner at a location which is CRAWLING with angels. To Dean’s surprise, Sam unlocks Dean’s manacle. They need him for the fight ahead and Sam has faith that Dean will make the right choice - even if nobody else believes in him. Dean rewards this touching show of faith by swearing up and down that he’ll say yes to Michael at the first chance he gets. DEAN. BEAN. Sam’s faith in Dean is simply derived: “You’re still my big brother.” (*crying noise crying noise*)

Outside the warehouse, Cas flaps in with the Winchesters. 

Dean’s surprised to learn that the Beautiful Room is in Van Nuys, California and not on Jupiter or (bless this boy) in a blade of grass. Cas tells them there are five extremely good warriors inside and he can’t fight them all off. He starts to take off his tie and IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?

Cas tells them that he’ll take care of the angels and then they can rescue Adam. Cas BBY. 

Devastating dialogue alert:

Dean: Whoa, wait. You’re gonna take on five angels?

Cas: Yes.

Dean: Isn’t that suicide?

Cas: Maybe it is. But then I won’t have to watch you fail. I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t have the same faith in you that Sam does.

Cas whips out a box cutter. The next scene sees him striding into the warehouse alone. His spidey sense tingles. It’s an angel! Cas kills one of them and then makes his way to the middle of the room. Quicky, he’s surrounded by the other angels. He drops his blade, rips open his shirt, and blasts them and himself away with the angel banishing sigil he carved iNTo hIS sKin. 

Dean and Sam hear the commotion and when Dean heads inside, the coast is clear. Inside the Beautiful Room, Adam’s slumped by the wall. “You came for me,” he mutters, surprised. 

“Yeah, you’re family,” Dean says. But it’s too late for hugs and lollipops, because Zachariah shows up, stroking his metaphorical evil mustache. Zachariah starts bleeding out Adam and Sam while Dean is EXPERIENCING STRONG EMOTIONS. (Boris: When Dean says “Damnit, Zachariah” I only hear “Dean” from The Real Ghostbusters, and realize what a great job he did impersonating a character he had only read about.) 

Dean agrees to say yes. While Zachariah calls down Michael, Dean takes one last look at Sam. Thoughts and feelings flit past like clouds and suddenly Dean arrives at a Realization™. He smiles, then winks at Sam. 

Dean starts issuing his demands before he’ll turn over his body but number one on his list is that Michael destroys Zachariah. 

RECORD SCRATCH

Dean refers to himself as a “sweet ass” which is not wrong, while Zachariah presses close to Dean threateningly, boasting that Michael would never kill him. No worries because Dean’s gonna smite you instead. With Zachariah close, Dean whips up Cas’s dropped angel blade and jams it up into Zachariah’s jaw. 

The room shakes as Michael approaches. Sam, Dean, and Adam make for the door. Sam and Dean escape but the door slams shut in front of Adam. A bright light suffuses him and...that’s it.

Later, they recap in the Impala. Adam and Cas are in the wind but finding them is an issue for another episode. Because right now Sam needs to address Dean’s almost-yes moment. Dean explains his sudden change of mind. “The walls are coming down on us, and I look over to you and all I can think about is, ‘this stupid son of a bitch brought me here.’ I just didn’t want to let you down.” Dean apologizes to Sam for treating him like a kid. “Screw destiny right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way.”

Battle brother mode ACTIVATED!

______________________________

Is That a Quote in Your Pocket or are You Just Happy to See Me? 

You know, eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches but tonight, tonight’s when the magic happens.

Blow me, Cas.

We’re working on the power of love. 

Maybe you could take a half a second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change?

You pray too loud.

Watch your tone, boy.

Don’t piss of the nerd angels.

______________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[alayne-stonecoldfox]

Uhhhh can you tell me more about your incestuous morally corrupt ship????

Uuhhhhh I can’t make my brain work enough to condense them down very well but I’ll try and ramble and you can see how long you can last without clocking out babe lol

Ezra Montaigne is the youngest son of the Matriarch of the Montaigne family (currently alive characters all stem from a set of five siblings) and he is the (somewhat) calmed down version of his hellish teenage/early twenties self, desperately attention seeking as the youngest, and the ‘spare’ heir to his oldest brother who he both idolised and resented, by acting out. Highlights include sleeping with his violin teacher as she was the most attractive women at the all boys school they sent him to (but it was ok because daddy’s money paid for the abortion). Setting the schools priests quarters on fire because he was a known pedophile, and the bastard REFUSED to pay the bribe money Ezra was demanding from the pervert to keep it quiet. He’s just HELL to every body of authority to ever get in his unfortunate way.

Then something happens. Hiram, the good and true responsible groomed from birth to succeed oldest son...disappears. He leaves. With the older wife of a very very bad man who should not be crossed, and with millions and millions of his dollars. The Montaignes are blindsides. No one can find him. Not even the very very bad man...which makes this man angry, which puts the Montaignes into a very very bad situation...but I best not talk about that night he made them pay for what their son had done, what punishment they took in his place....but Ezra never forgot, and Ezra found it very very hard to forgive, and after that, drugs seemed a great way to cope with it. 

Experimenting with just about EVERY drug gets him in even more trouble, but he doesn’t care anymore, because even with Hiram gone, the Hiram that betrayed them, that wasn’t their to face the consequences the bastard coward had everything and gave it all away bastard, Ezra STILL wasn’t replaced as the favourite in fathers eyes so who cared anymore? Uppers downers 8-balls and oxy are SO fun, I’m very smart and capable I COULD be just as great as Hiram was, and so much more LOYAL because I love this family more than any of the fake, money desperate ‘friends’ around me, but no, no, it won’t be good enough. Hiram ran away and now I’m all the son you’re stuck with, Think I’ll run around the world, get tattoos, throw our family name even more under the bus of social standing, because at the end of the day, our money is more powerful than what they think of us, why don’t you just let them talk, we could wipe out any countries debt at any time we please, we can fund any politician we like, we can bribe any judge any court, our money is godly.

Except when one is cut off. Which dad eventually did, after Ezra attended a ball in Vienna and got in a fight with the heir to the throne of spain, but he doesn’t know what the bastards problem was, because he only fingered his mother, he didn’t fuck her like he’d heard, it was only a miscommunication. ANYWAY. Takes to living with his dear lesbians sister Tess in her art studio as she tries to be less of an aristocrat and more a bohemian (not without all her money of course, don’t be mad). Tries to suck a dick in a club bathroom in exchange for cocaine in an opportunistic turn of events, but decides even though he wouldn’t mind being bi for the cool points, even though tragically, he is heterosexual, it was rather traumatic in a way he wishes he could supress, and also this tastes disgusting, asks the old man just to give him half because even though he couldn’t go through with it, your cock WAS in my mouth for about five seconds, that worth something? no? ok, a scene ensues, Ezra is about 6′2 btw, all of the Montaignes can be flagged at any european social gathering, they are all legs. The blow job solicitor has him thrown from the premises. Ezra decides to hunt down the mans wife. For the drama. through this old dame, he meets one of her book club (read: swingers club) pals, who is a 45 year old duchess who wants her needs met. He becomes some sort of sugar baby? Why not. She buys him ALL the drugs and he’s basically siphoning ALL of her money out of her accounts as Ezra rather has a talent for lying, manipulating and finance. He’s very fond of her. Anyway, this is getting long, drugs drugs drugs, disappointment, clinging onto being as self destructive as he can at every turn, yadda yadda, overdose number 3 happens, drama, ENOUGH IS A FUCKING NOUGH. Dad corners him, alongside dear sister, ever loving mother, favourite sympathetic uncle, cousins who are his best and only true friends, chain him to a radiator as he is shaking vomitting incoherent for the past week due to drugs, he is told he has two options, and only two. Marry this girl I have chosen for you. She is aristocratic as well, but low down on the list of eligibility, but your in a position of beggar, not chooser. Her father is almost dead, and she will inherit a small (by their fucking rich rule the world with money standards) company and fortune, use this oppertunity to show me what you can make of yourself, OR, and heres your other choice, kill yourself. Heres the gun. We’ll give you a minute with the radiator.

Ezra married the girl, it is a desperately bleak marriage. She’s not ugly but she’s not pretty either. she’s english, and whines when Ezra and his cousins speak french. She’s always whining. About the man she wanted to marry and how he left her, how her father made her have an abortion because he was just a waiter. Her suicide notes aren’t even poetic. But at least Ezra, over a long long decade, puts his actual talents and brains to work. They’re almost as useful as that devilish charisma and high propensity for risk taking, scheming, and getting what he wants, when he wants it. He’s almost, almost getting along with his father now too, though mother scolds him for stepping on the oxygen tubes too long (it’s only a joke).

but then...

Incidents happen. Hiram Montaigne, the elder brother, the prodigal son, the runaway off the grid hasn’t been seen in almost two decades son after he ran away with another mans wife with millions and millions of stolen money son....returns. Cryptically. In a phone call to their dear lesbian sister Tess. He’s drunk. It was all a mistakes. He’s so sorry. He’s convinced he’s being poisoned? he doesn’t make any sense.

But when Ezra catches wind of this call, Tess and him are very close and share almost everything (by rich white aristocratic standards) he immediately has everyone of their phones tapped and traced. Because its their brother. Because he has to get his hands on him. Because he’s their family and they love him. Because he’s always dreamed of seeing him again and beating his betraying head against a rock. Because he’s in danger and they must help. Because how dare he have the nerve to do what he did.

He traces him. Successfully. because he’s Ezra Montaigne and he gets what he wants, and he’s wanted his brother for close to twenty years.

He comes to a lake house, all the way across Europe in Denmark, isolated. Small. Hidden. Hiram isn’t home.

But Ginette is.

Pretty girl. Wide eyed at the black cars (of course Ezra brought his most trusted security) that arrived at the house that barely saw anyone besides those from the small town, over 30 minutes drive away from their home.

The man asks her if Hiram Montaigne lives here. She says he doesn’t, but he does, it’s only that his daughter has only ever known the false person he had to be after he did what he did. 

Ezra takes note of her bright blue eyes, like his, and his brothers, and her long lanky legs, and then her red hair. The woman Hiram ran off with had red hair.

Ginette asks him who he may be, and Ezra replies “I think I may be your uncle.”

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[atopearth]

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 1 - First game (Turnabout Sisters, Turnabout Samurai and Turnabout Goodbyes)

So, I was going to buy this on Steam, but then I recently got a Nintendo Switch (so I can play Code Realize and Collar x Malice next year loll), and it was on sale! Since I had no games (I bought World End Syndrome but it’s not here yet), and I really wanted to try playing stuff, so I bought it XD Two of my friends really recommend it as well, so yeah I would have bought it some day anyway~ I think I should have bought an SD card with bigger storage than 64gb though… (EDIT: I did...)

Anyway, the game! It’s a bit sudden to be thrown into trial all of a sudden, but Wright is a newbie lawyer anyway so I guess it’s all good loll. Kinda funny that the questions the reader has to answer are simple stuff like the victim’s name etc but I guess it helps you get used to remembering things, and looking over evidence etc if you don’t remember. Because I did forget the victim’s name hahaha. Honestly though, the style of the game is really cool and different, I really like the transitions for effect and I love the big font “hold it!” and “objection!” has hahaha. Mia is very helpful. In terms of the case itself, it was a simple and silly one, mainly because of Larry, he’s so dramatic and ridiculous, it’s funny. Note though, this is probably blasphemy to others but I’m playing with a walkthrough (i.e. I pick my answers and then double check with the walkthrough), I just don’t find it fun or have the time to explore wrong answers anymore tbh (backlog of VNs is long, I’ve got at least 6 more games). Anyway, I like how the game wants you to think but you don’t necessarily need to think too hard (for now), and it’s all done in a not so serious way that makes it fun. Like, I loved it when the judge said Larry was not guilty and confetti started falling down on the screen hahahaha. I think this game will be a great break from Steins;Gate 0 right now lol.

Turnabout Sisters I remember trying to watch the anime of Ace Attorney (which sucked, it was like the game but all the fun was gone because it was less interactive yet still played out like a game, it was weird) and being shocked that Mia died. I was so sad because I liked her, she seemed nice and cool. I kinda forgot about all that until this part started up and then I was like oh yeah!! Poor sister got arrested for it though, but I guess Phoenix needs a reason to do something. It was saddening when the sister didn’t have anyone to defend her😞 It was sweet when he decided to defend her, since he became a lawyer because he wanted to become someone that could look out for people who had no one by their side… When he says it like that…it’s hard to not admire how kind he is.

Lmaooo at Miss May and the bellboy though, I love how weirdly crazy they both are. May is like fake and sweet when she’s in her “cute” mode, but becomes super aggressive when angered (such as being caught out for lying), and the bellboy is just thankful that now the hotel is more popular because a murderer (May is being suspected now) lived there hahahaha. Everyone is so eccentric in this world. I find their mother’s story saddening though, she was probably pressured by the police into finding the culprit for a case with her spirit medium powers, but then she failed and the media got wind of it, and the backlash she received as a “fake” made her disappear. Disgusted that Grossberg was the one who told White (Mia’s killer) about the medium thing for money, and White then leaked it to the media! But I think the worst is that Mia tried her best all these years to out White for being the one who ruined her mother’s life (as well as many others with his blackmailing leading them to suicide), but she got killed by him… It’s so unfair.. I’m glad Maya is out though, and lmao at her taking it so seriously when you pick the option of telling her to help break Phoenix out (since he’s in detention now for suspected murder because of White’s influence). She’s so cute hahaha.

Well, that was a crazy trial lol, not only was White a chronic liar that was allowed to “amend” his testimony several times, Edgeworth was pretty apt at trying to keep him from being caught. I knew the receipt would show when the lamp was bought! Kinda obvious when he mentioned that he saw it last week I guess, gotta catch him somewhere haha. I guess the lesson is to update your furniture often so you can catch murderers😂 It was really nice to see Mia’s spirit inside Maya helping Phoenix and cheering them on in the epilogue though, I wonder if we’ll see her again? I definitely like Mia more than Maya😞 But I guess with Maya, they’ll learn and grow together as they do their best for the law office?

Turnabout Samurai I love Oldbag, she’s so whatever with everything, she’s hilarious. Not only does she talk nonstop complaining about young people these days, she really knows how to drag people into her pace lol. The defendant Will looks like a lion hahaha, except he’s one with no teeth since he seems way too gentle to be able to do anything. Anyway, gotta love how dodgy Oldbag is by omitting evidence, remembering things suddenly, as well as exposing that the directors etc were actually there as well but the studio wanted her to hide it. Btw, I love it when Phoenix wants to buy time by accusing someone else of the murder, and one of the options was the grade school boy, and when you pick the option, even Phoenix himself is startled that he said it and he himself doesn’t even know how he should support this as a possibility since the kid couldn’t have held the weapon hahaha.

HAHAHA THE GREAT SAL MANELLA. That name lmaoo😂😂 Nice to see Mia again to help Phoenix, I love her and how she was so capable in getting the kid to talk. I found it really interesting going through the kid’s testimony, since it really presented a proper reason for the kid to lie and have obstructed the court from getting to know the truth. Not only is he a kid, he’s a kid that believes his hero Steel Samurai would never lose, so him deleting the photos of him losing to the villain and lying about him winning are plausible and interesting to uncover, I liked that part. I don’t know why I never thought of the possibility that Jack Hammer was actually the Steel Samurai, even though I questioned from the beginning whether Studio One was really where he was killed haha. Now that it’s apparent the victim dressed as the Steel Samurai and went to Studio Two where everyone else was, it is now possible for the producer and them to have killed the victim within the 15 minute break they had… Oh yeah lmao when the kid came to testify and he was too short so they got him a box to stand on, I love little details like that hahaha.

Well, I really liked that! I really liked how everything ended up wrapping up and how the story tied together. I had some trouble (as usual!) with the presenting evidence parts (because I suck), but yeah that was great! I don’t know why it never clicked, but I really missed the thought that Hammer was the one who wanted to kill Vasquez and that’s why he did all that pretending to be the Steel Samurai and hiding his tracks etc, so he could blame the killing on Powers after. He had enough of being blackmailed and used by Vasquez these 5 years for accidentally killing a person on set (of which she covered up, since someone took a photo of it). It’s kinda ironic that he ended up dying in the same way as the person he accidentally killed. Maybe Studio Two really is cursed lol. But yeah, anyway, I really liked the piecing of all the evidence and clues! Seeing it unravel the way it did really made sense, especially when things I noticed but didn’t know what to think about were talked about, such as the small incinerator next to the van. I couldn’t piece together the story myself, but when they did, it was great, I liked this case. I also really liked how Edgeworth suddenly switched sides and started questioning the witness and the holes in her testimony as well because he knew that she was the killer and he wanted to catch her in her lies, since Phoenix missed some things. They were a nice combo haha.

Turnabout Goodbyes I didn’t think Edgeworth would become a defendant! But I guess what I’m most shocked about is that Edgeworth’s father was the victim in the DL-6 incident involving Mia and Maya’s mother, Misty Fey who was the spirit medium helping out with the case that led her to be labelled as a fraud. Edgeworth seems to really like Phoenix but can’t seem to be honest for some reason, hmmm, and I guess his father’s death is related to why he threw away his dream of becoming a great defence attorney like his father and instead became a prosecutor? Oh.. Edgeworth actually witnessed his father’s murder…and the suspect they caught was the one Misty pointed out as the killer through talking to the victim’s spirit, since he was the only one that could have done it, and yet he was declared innocent with the help of the defence attorney at that time, Hammond. And now, the victim in the current case is Hammond… I guess the police would think of that as Edgeworth’s motive to kill him… I wonder if Edgeworth lost all faith in defence attorneys because of that incident with his father.. But I’m happy that the weird Detective Gumshoe really respects Edgeworth and believes in him even though others don’t, I thought it was really nice that he acknowledged and believes that they can really work hard to capture criminals because they know that Edgeworth will prosecute them for their crimes. It’s like they both believe in their work and through that, they do their best to catch these criminals.

Well, it was obvious that the girl was dodgy because it’s definitely impossible to see who shot who when it’s foggy, and at night, and at a far distance! But it’s helpful to prove that she wasn’t even focused on the boat and was looking for the “monster” Gourdy that supposedly appears there. Gotta admit that Karma is hilarious, especially when he insults the witness’s intelligence for looking for a monster hahahaha. Also loved it when even the judge couldn’t go against him and followed his pace, glad the judge eventually stood his ground though lol. I still find it so fascinating that in this world, all trials must be tried and decided within 3 days so that the justice system isn’t clogged with cases. Aww it was so sweet to learn from Gumshoe that Edgeworth really appreciated Maya causing a fuss in the trial and giving the opportunity for Phoenix to cross examine what Lotta slipped up on. Lmao when he told Phoenix that Edgeworth would pay for her bail and he started thinking about whether Edgeworth would pay his rent for this month too hahahaha. Omgg, lmao at Gourdy the monster actually being Larry trying to inflate the Steel Samurai balloon and failing, causing it to fly like a rocket into the lake lolll. I guess he does deserve having the dog eat all his Samurai dogs loll. It was expected, but it’s kinda funny to see Larry come to save the day when Edgeworth was declared guilty haha.

Omgg, their back story was so touching! I thought it was so cute seeing little Edgeworth say “objection!”, and Edgeworth is right, if there’s no evidence, and if he didn’t do it, then he shouldn’t admit it! I also loved Larry saying “if he didn’t do it, then he didn’t do it”, those words were so simple but so true. I can’t believe the whole class put Phoenix on “class trial” to get him to admit something he didn’t do, and even the teacher didn’t believe him, like whaaat, great teaching right there. But I guess it’s because of how dodgy they all were, Phoenix, Larry and Edgeworth got to become friends. I found it really sweet that although Edgeworth transferred out because of the DL-6 incident, and never contacted them again, and ignored Phoenix when he tried to talk to him, it was really touching of Phoenix to become a defence attorney just so that he can meet Edgeworth again. Edgeworth is a prosecutor so regardless of what he wanted, he’d have to face Phoenix eventually and I thought that was really cute. Lmao at Larry completely forgetting about such an impactful incident on Phoenix’s life, but it’s so him. He’s silly, but he’s a great guy, and he really helped out with this testimony! It was all over the place, but he heard really important things and you gotta be glad he came to save the day! I honestly didn’t expect the murder to have occurred before midnight, and that the one in the boat with Edgeworth was actually not the victim but the murderer. It’s honestly…hard to believe and accept that Edgeworth could be the one who killed his father when he threw a gun (evidence?) that was lying next to him to protect his father from Yogi who was deprived of oxygen. I’m still sceptical of that though, what about the hole in the glass? And why would there be a person telling Yogi to get revenge on Edgeworth etc for ruining his life (for being suspected, losing his career etc) and making him kill Hammond etc. Whyyyy would they show von Karma the letter!! It’s such crucial evidence!! I’m not surprised he used a stun gun on them to steal the letter back!

Anyway, that was good, I really liked this case. I think the most saddening thing was discovering that Yogi really was innocent and really had his whole life ruined from this incident. It was terrible to hear that Hammond got him an innocent verdict but it was actually at the cost of declaring him of unsound mind, so he’s been pretending to be “insane” all these years, especially after his fiancee committed suicide after this incident. He wasn’t wrongly accused for being the murderer and yet he still lost his career, his partner and everything in his life. It was really saddening to think about tbh. As for von Karma, when this case first came about, I really didn’t expect him to be the killer in the DL-6 incident, I thought he was interestingly eccentric with how he wants everything to be perfect and was super arrogant and would always strive for guilty verdicts but I guess with the comedy in the game, I didn’t really expect the cost of his actions. He was caught for giving faulty evidence by Edgeworth’s father Gregory, and that is the one and only scar to his record. He’s been dodgy all this time and probably incriminating many innocent people in these 15 years at least, sigh. I guess I didn’t think that just because there was an opportunity, he would actually kill Gregory (when Miles threw the gun and it ended up landing near him). I also didn’t expect him to have been shot by that misfire and for him to never have taken that bullet out of his shoulder because he didn’t want to create any doctors as a witness to this! Which is understandable though, but wow, he’s pretty hardcore. So yeah, that was awesome and I think it was my favourite case! I really liked how things flowed and how everything ended up piecing together like that. It’s really cool to see how the evidence matches up together.

Lmao at Larry having been the thief that stole Edgeworth’s money in that Phoenix class trial incident, I honestly thought it might be him but I was like nahh. And it was him hahahaha omg. I guess the deserves getting dumped by girls all the time lol. The photo Lotta took at the end was nice, I also really liked the little snippets showing all the previous witnesses lives, lmao at that bellboy becoming the owner or something lol! Although Maya isn’t useless and really helps Phoenix by just being there and helping him think through things etc, I do think it’s good for her to complete her spirit medium training first and then come back. It’s important for her to have her own goals and stuff after all, so I’m glad she did that.

[completeoveranalysis]

TRC Translation Notes Volume 20 Part 1 (Chapters 150 - 156)

Here we are again with some excellent translation notes about the first part of Volume 20, all from the wonderful @giniroangou.

Highlights Include: Tube mysteries solved!, Fai’s dramatics actually making sense, wonderful explanations of Fai’s lies, Yuuko Queen of sass, Watanuki will change the future!, a touching Lava Lamp moment, and oh god the Fai flashback gets worse?

Chapter 150

p.9 - Yuuko is still talking about a one-in-two chance here, not two-in-one. A couple of the speech bubbles are also swapped around - first she explains the body/soul separation, then the two worlds Sakura has gone to.

p.12 - Kurogane’s words to Fai are even more straight-forward in the original text. Just: “Don’t hurt anyone else with that sword. Including yourself.”

p.18 - Mokona and Yuuko aren’t talking about the store being different here, they’re saying that the inside of the tube is not in the same place as the store.

p.19 - An alternate translation for the dream world Sakura went to could be “The World of ‘Dreams’.” Once again for clarification, this is NOT in reference to Yuuko’s shop - the inside and outside of that tube are in different places.

p.20 - “My man Lantis” is BEAUTIFUL and I wouldn’t change a thing about it, but unfortunately it’s much less funny in Japanese. Eagle says “uchi no Lantis” which is basically like “our Lantis” - it’s an expression that indicates someone as part of the speaker’s in-group, so it can be used for a family member, a member of an organization, etc.

Lantis doesn’t actually say “I saw the future,” just “I had a dream,” though they would amount to the same thing.

p.24 - I would translate Fai’s line as, “Sakura-chan knew what I was lying about.” It’s not that she knew he was lying but that she knew the truth behind it.

Chapter 151

p.26 - This is a continuation of Fai’s final line from the previous chapter, so the lie Sakura knew about was that Fai knew one of her feathers was in Celes. Also, they dropped the honorific in the translation but Fai is still saying “Sakura-chan.”

p.28 - Fai is saying here that he found out at Yuuko’s shop that Sakura and Syaoran were searching for the feathers but he never told them about the one used to make Chii.

p.29 - It’s obvious from the flashback, but Syaoran is talking about what happened when they all arrived in the first world they were sent to (by Yuuko not Yukito.)

p.30 - Mokona isn’t talking in general terms, but saying specifically that from the moment she awoke at Yuuko’s shop she could sense a feather there but couldn’t tell who in the group had it.

Fai then says to Lava Lamp, “That’s why you kept your distance from me.”

Again, this is not really about Fai lying in general but about the specific lies people around him were already aware of. He’s basically saying to Yuuko, “You knew what some of my other lies were too, didn’t you?”

p.33 - Fai refers to his wish to go with the group as something that was devised/planned - it’s the same word they’ve used previously to talk about Fei Wang arranging for all of them to go on this journey, so I’d assume that’s what he’s referencing here.

p.34 - Kurogane asks why Sakura wanted to go into the tube, not why she’s living there.

p.39 - Slight adjustment: Fai’s saying he wouldn’t mind gouging out his eye if he could, but he can’t because losing all his magic along with both eyes would probably kill him and he can’t die yet.

Chapter 152

p.45 - In case it wasn’t clear, Kurogane is connecting his punch here with his line from the previous chapter about punching Sakura.

p.46 - Yuuko’s criticism of Kurogane after he says, “Hey, Witch,” is much more entertaining in the Japanese version. She says, “On top of being beyond rude, there isn’t a shred of taste in the way you address me.” Kurogane’s comeback is the ever-eloquent, “Shut up.”

p.47 - It’s not actually the meeting between Sakura and Watanuki that Yuuko says will trigger another change to the future, but Watanuki himself.

p.48 - I would change Yuuko’s line about Watanuki vanishing to, “Watanuki hasn’t vanished either” (presumably in addition to Sakura’s soul not having vanished.) Then she says that “for now” Watanuki’s identity has nothing to do with them. It’s an ongoing state that has the potential to change in the future.

p.50 - Lava Lamp says nothing about Fei Wang slicing out Sakura’s memories - he’s saying that Fei Wang wants her body with the dimensional memories etched into it. (This isn’t new information btw - Yuuko already explained it to the group back in Acid Tokyo.)

p.51 - We have another “Syaoran” with quotation marks from Mokona here.

p.52 - Let’s re-translate Lava Lamp’s lines here because they came out super awkward: “The reason I didn’t say anything despite what I knew was that Sakura… the Princess trusted you. Even if you’d lied, the Princess trusted you, lies and all.”

p.53 - Lava Lamp only speaks for himself here; he specifically says “I’m going to trust you too.”

p.57 - Again, we have “Syaoran” in quote marks, this time from Fei Wang. I’m sure everyone’s tired of me pointing these out, so just assume the quotation marks should be there from now on unless I say otherwise. And the translators are very inconsistent with this, but Lava Lamp’s relationship to Clow Reed has so far only ever been denoted with the word “chisuji”/血筋. He’s part of Clow’s lineage, but we don’t know anything beyond that.

Chapter 153

p.62 - Eagle specifically says that he’s offering the clothing as an apology for keeping silent.

p.63 - Kurogane could just be talking about Fei Wang watching them - he doesn’t specify whether it’s a single other person or multiple other people.

p.76 - More precisely, Eagle says here that Lantis lying would have come to nothing.

Yuuko says that the one Sakura saw being “stabbed” in her vision was Lava Lamp. The implication matches what Fei Wang was talking about in the previous chapter - that Sakura put herself in Lava Lamp’s place.

Chapter 154

p.84 - Lava Lamp refers to Sakura’s feathers as both her memories and her heart (“kokoro”), furthering the parallel with Syaoran.

Chapter 155

p.101 - This is actually a complete sentence in Japanese. It contains the same information as the translated version, but since pronouns aren’t necessary it stands on its own and can be assumed to mean, “You killed me.” It’s also written entirely in katakana, which can indicate stilted speech and here I think is meant to just drive home how horrific this is.

p.102-103 - I can see why the translator struggled a bit with these pages because a lot of the Valerian titles are unconventional. The twins’ father is the “teiou” written with the characters for “younger brother” and “king” (弟王), and the other ruler is the “kyouou” written with the characters for “older brother” and “king” (兄王). A little later it’s clarified that the “kyouou” is the country’s king/emperor - the reading of the word is “ou” meaning “king” but the kanji is 皇 meaning “emperor.” The twins’ mother is referred to as “okisaki,” (御妃) which can refer to an empress, a queen, or a princess consort. The twins themselves are called “koushi” (皇子), meaning “imperial prince(s).” It’s kind of hard to tell from all of this what the best representation of these terms would be in English, but I would guess that this is intended to be an imperial family, with either the younger brother next in line to inherit the throne if the older brother has no children or with dual rulers who were reduced to a single ruler once one of them died.

Whatever the case, as has already been explained, the twins’ parents both died and their fate was left in the hands of their uncle (their father’s older brother and the current ruler of the country.) Specific to the official translation, the “elder prince” refers to their uncle the kyouou, and “his majesty” who passed away is their father the teiou. The “royal consort” who killed herself is their mother.

I also want to point out that in this chapter we see the return of the term “fukou,” which we’ve seen Fai use in Acid Tokyo and Himawari use to discuss her effect on the people around her. The official translation often equates this word to unhappiness but as I’ve said before, I think it would be better represented as “misfortune.” Where this translation says that the twins’ mother committed suicide because “life held no joy anymore” I would interpret it as “because she’d brought such misfortune into the world.” Just keep in mind that generally when words like “unhappiness” and “sorrow” pop up in this part of the story, that’s what they’re translated from. Another word that gets used a few times in reference to the twins is “kyouchou” (凶兆), meaning “evil omen.”

p.104 - Though the implied concern here could be the twins taking the throne, the original text just refers to them one day surpassing their uncle’s power.

p.108 - “And the people shall be happy” isn’t necessarily saying that the people are going to be happy about this situation, just that the king believes enclosing the twins in a bubble of their own misery is going to allow the people to live happy/blessed lives. You could probably interpret the line either way though.

p.110 - The king doesn’t just say that one of the twins must die to get out of this situation, but that one must kill the other.

Chapter 156

p.136 - I had left a comment saying the king was telling the twins to pay for their sins rather than atone, but I’m taking that back! There are two words that sound the same when spoken (“aganau”), but depending on the kanji they’re written with one means “to pay for” (購う) and the other means “to atone for” (贖う). In this case, the one used is “atone.” Still horrific though!

That wraps it up for now. I am really regretting doing this by page numbers with all the black pages coming up, but otherwise thrilled to be back in the game! I hope all my babbling has been somewhat informative and as always, please remember that I can make mistakes too so I am always open to questions, suggestions, corrections, etc.

[laufire]

ENDGAME

Okay. I definitely won’t be able to sleep today, so I might as well pour out all my Endgame feelings right now.

First thing first, I was probably in the WORST POSSIBLE HEADSPACE to watch this film; national elections where fascists could take over Congress (spoiler alert, they didn’t. I literally just cried with relief for over ten minutes) AND being extremely concerned about characters you over-identify with on the same day, all after the worst year of your life, apparently don’t mix well. Who would have thunk.

(btw, I was spoiled as I was voting about That Very Big Thing; everyone who follows me probably can guess what I’m talking about. I almost threw hands tbh. Then almost cried over a dozen times on the way to the theatre because the stress of the day was killing me ugh).

All this to say, my head is a mess right now, I don’t even know if this post is going to make any sense, and I will probably take time to process certain things and have a definite opinion on them LOL. But well, here is now.

And err. Warning for a brief mention of suicide ideation?

(crossposted to dreamwidth, livejournal, and pillowfort)

TONY (& CO)

– In case it wasn’t obvious, the thing I was spoiled about? Yeah, it was Tony’s death. FML. I mean, even if I wasn’t spoiled, I would’ve seen it coming as soon as we saw him after the five years jump, lbr (happily off-screen married to Pepper? With an adorable daughter? Pepper resigned to the possibility of losing him instead of begging him to stay like in IW? And then the movie kept hammering it home LMAO; that and a lot of things for the mains that I kind of saw coming from less than a third into the movie, which IDK if it’s because I was particularly intuitive, or the foreshadowing was that heavy handed xD).

Obviously, I’m not rocking your world if I tell you I’m extremely heartbroken, I guess. Especially because, as I said, my emotions were already all over the place. And seeing a character I adore, and in who I project a lot of my issues on –including, yes, suicidal issues–, sacrifice their lives (no matter how poignant, and moving, and well-written it might be) was incredibly hard for me. So, yeah. I’m going to have to deal with that for a while I guess. Which I plan to do by writing a bunch of Fix-It and Not Actually Fix-It fics ASAP.

But. I mean, out of all the endings Tony could have, this was always my second choice for him. And he was grandiose in this film. He figured out time travel. He created a gauntlet capable of holding the Infinity stones. Beings far more powerful than him were trying to carry that gauntlet to the van and none of them thought to use it, but he did. He was completely vindicated. He is the Saviour of the Universe.

And he looked gorgeous the entire time, which is truly important for me.

– In all seriousness, the thing I take to heart the most is that

his legacy remains intact

, and it’s inspiring, and heroic, and poetic, and prosperous. Clearly, without him, my enthusiasm for the universe will never be the same, but one thing that worried me is that I wouldn’t want anything to do with Marvel for a while after this film, and that’s not how I’m feeling; I’m very much looking forward to further parallels and homages to him in my ever-growing list :P

Tho, honestly, I’m kind of side-eyeing myself for the fact that, the one time!!! I go and fall in love with a male lead character, he happens to be genuinely heroic and self-sacrificing, instead of just using those concepts as lip-service and getting to have his cake and eat it too LMAO. I mean, sure, given my reactions to those characters, the AeJons Snowrgaryens of the world, I wouldn’t have liked him so much if it was the case, but dammit. It’d be nice to experience that high sometime xD

– The Iron Fam is the best part of this movie for me. Tony’s relationship with Morgan was way too adorable to handle it; Pepper was enormous and so poised (and the scene where they circle around each other in their armors… poetic cinema); I didn’t get enough Iron Husbands to satiate me (Rhodey’s caress should have been skin to skin!), but I loved what we got; Happy is an assholes who made me cry ABOUT CHEESEBURGERS.

And let’s not talk about Peter, OMG. My heart. And Harley appeared to Tony’s funeral! Though, honestly, the person I missed the most there was Christine Everhart, who should have been there just on the basis that I like her (plus, ya know, IMO she was important to Tony’s origin dammit).

I’m going to consider Nebula an honorary member, tbh. Her scenes with Tony in space cut me deep; and she and Rhodey are buddies!

Natasha and Fury (I loved his appearance *sniffs*) are honorary members too, because fuck it. They both appeared first vis a vis Tony on his movies, and have two of my favourite relationships with him, and I say so.

– Related to that, one Failure™ of this movie, is not providing a Nat & Tony one-on-one scene. Seriously, I can’t believe they didn’t realize how necessary that was. But I ADORED the scene where they and Bruce are lying down bouncing ideas about the stones (it made me softly whisper “ot3” LOL); it was possibly the only “Avengers” moment that worked for me –other than Clintasha, but that’s on a different league tbh.

I wanted more Nebula & Tony scenes too; I would’ve loved to see Tony interact with Past!Nebula. Yes, realistically, he would probably had made her LOL, but. I needed it. it’s definitely on my to-write-list :P

– I wanted just some positive interaction between Carol & Tony to counteract Current Comics Bullshit and I got Carol rescuing him, smiling beatifically at him, and Tony basically saying she was Da Bomb and the Avengers should follow her lead instead of keep sucking xDD So that was nice.

– I loved the scene at the beginning where he fucking SNAPS, and goes for Steve’s throat. It was probably my favourite scene. It’s resolution with everyone’s reactions and after the flashforward kind of… totally sucked, but whatever. Still amazing.

– The only part of his storyline that I HATED, and I mean absolutely loathed, was his scene with Howard. Jesus Fucking Christ. They went with the most simplistic take they could have, didn’t they. I haven’t felt more insulted in the theatre in my entire life, and my family made me watch both Ocho apellidos movies with them, so Marvel? That’s a feat. The moment where he says his father hit him with a belt so we (Tony included) are supposed to think, well, at least Howard wasn’t physically violent with his son, hooray?

And I think we’re supposed to take his “wouldn’t want my son to turn like me” as motivation for Tony’s actions and like… newsflash, but Tony has “put the worlds’ needs over his own gain” since Iron Man. Fucking. One. It’s literally what he does in this film, because we’re shown that, despite having achieved his happy ending, he was still trying to figure out time travel even if it meant risking his future.

Seriously, if they wanted me to be moved, they should’ve used Maria. Or hell, Edwin Jarvis was right there. And if whitewashing of Howard’s abuse becomes one of those MCU things that ends up bleeding into the comics, I’m gonna riot. Ugh.

BTW, just thought about this. Has anyone confirmed what the H. of Morgan’s second name stands for? Because my immediate idea was that it was for Happy, but now the fear that it might relate to Howard has entered my brain and I need someone to drive it out.

OTHER FAVES :P

– I am a lot more heartbroken over Natasha’s death than I expected to be. I like her character on paper a lot, but sometimes the writing or the acting don’t agree with me; neither was the case in this movie. I thought she was incredible. I loved the scene where she’s leading the post-dusting council. So losing her in this movie, of all movies, really hurts. And I understand why people who love her would be unhappy, and even furious –to some extent, so am I, tbh; specially because I don’t think she was properly honoured by the other characters after the fact–, but I do think it was extremely fitting for her arc.

– I loved Nebula’s storyline; how she was able to form new relationships, and what I know will be enduring friendships. Her interactions with her younger self were fascinating too; I loved that she perfectly followed the time-travel mumbo-jumbo. And she was so adorable at the beginning. Her bond with Tony didn’t have as much screen time as I wish it had, but the rest of the movie really shows how much his kindness touched her, and I love it. I’m a bit sad she didn’t get to kill any Thanos, tho.

– Okay, putting him in the “faves” section doesn’t exactly feel right, but whatever: I maintain that Thanos is a great villain. I don’t know what people that say otherwise are thinking. He’s the perfect foil for so many characters, and he is genuinely villainous; he is so delusional and self-righteous (seriously, his “solution” for the Snap 2.0 was… o.0) his plans feel sincerely menacing. He perfectly spells out his own doom; narratively speaking? He’s a joy of a villain to me. And I loved how he reacted to the information about the future; specifically, that upon learning about Nebula’s “betrayal”, his tactic was SOFTENING towards past!Nebula to make her even more eager to please him.

– Carol didn’t have much screen time, but I liked what she got (like, nothing too deep, but I didn’t expect much). I liked the Carol/Rhodey nod, even if I’m not sure how I feel about the ship in this incarnation. I wanted to hear something about Maria, but welp.

And on a shallow note, I kind of love that fandom absolutely freaked out about her wearing lipstick on a scene (while praising the “~natural no-make-up make up, effortlessly feminine without looking like you’re actually trying” look that she sported on CM, and disregarding that while yes, it was a troubling look that fitted a pattern across movies, A4 was made first so it was hardly a “betrayal” of the semi-grunge style), for the movie to go and give her the butchest look she’s ever gonna get on film lmao (and I will be pleasantly surprised if they’d keep a look like this for a movie where she’s the lead and not a supporting character, tbh).

– Sam and Bucky were So Soft™ with each other OMG. If their show doesn’t have at least ONE episode centred on them going undercover as a married couple, I’ll write it myself, because they are perfect for it (especially if you add some of the early banter/antagonism).

Btw, Sam getting the shield? The only good part of that mess at the end LMAO.

– I have mixed feelings for the Alt!Gamora development. I just… really loved the GOTG-IW versions of her character and her ship, and she’s gone and just… :( And that type of pseudo-amnesia/relationship do-over thing can be so badly written sometimes… But she’s back, and if done right, the role-reversal between her and Nebula could be gr10 for GOTG 3. We’ll see.

THE BAD™

– I know if I walked up right now to the Russos, and asked them why they hate Thor so much, they wouldn’t even understand the question. They would say, but we love Thor?? He’s such a fun character?? Or some version of the sort. They can fool themselves, but not me. You don’t do this to a character for whom you feel a modicum of respect, IMO.

Like, the fat-phobic jokes? The way they dealt with his substance abuse? How his arc about stepping up and assuming responsibilities ended by… him throwing away his responsibilities. Losing his hammer was a turning point for him to relearn the lessons about value and worthiness and power he’d been taught, and then… this movie. I couldn’t even fully enjoy his scenes with Frigga because I was so appalled by it all.

His only great scene, IMO, was how horrified and out of it he sounded after killing Thanos. I really felt that.

I didn’t even enjoy that he passed his power to Valkyrie because… unlike with Sam, that basically came out of nowhere. If they at least had given them ONE more scene at the beginning; seriously, it writes itself: just put her in the room when Bruce and Rocket are trying to convince him to go with them, and have her being the one that does it. Make her help him the way HE helped HER in Ragnarok; show her trying to help him and getting angry and frustrated. IDK, something.

And I know I’m probably alone in this because everyone around me practically creamed their pants when it happened but… having Steve control Mjolnir felt like adding insult to injury. Not just lifting it (which I would’ve been annoyed by too, given that they rewrote the new Asgardian mythology just to have this scene lol), but commanding it as only Thor did. Just. How much more are you going to take from Thor, people.

I want to make it clear that my problem is with the execution, not with Thor going through this; that, written differently, with more care, I could have loved.

– I’ve always been conflicted with MCU Steve. I loved the Captain America old comics I read as a child, and 616 Steve was A Hero. So I wanted to love MCU Steve just as much but… it often felt that he just didn’t measure up.

Well, conflict over. I don’t like the guy. Reading Man Out of Time just a few months ago probably isn’t helping (and yeah, that’s not a fair comparison, but it illustrates why I look at 616 Steve, and I adore him, and then I turn to MCU Steve and just… this guy is not worth my time).

I couldn’t even enjoy the ship, because my feelings for it come solely from my love for Peggy, and she didn’t even get to say a word? Add to that the fact that an endless loop of “OMG HE MADE OUT WITH YOUR NIECE. NOW HIS NIECE. RUN” was going through my head the entire time (the fact that Sharon was absent from the funeral when EVC acted in half of the MCU Russos films is hilarious in light of this xDD).

 MISC

– I really enjoyed some of the heist shenanigans. Especially Tony’s plan for a distraction being GIVING HIS PAST SELF A HEART ATTACK. How extra and edgy can my man be xD Tony and Scott are A Duo.

– I was thinking that Alt!Loki might make an appearance in GOTG3 if Thor is really a part of it, and how that might mix, but then a friend reminded me about his show, so I guess that’s where they’re going? IDK, The Avengers’ Loki is probably the one I liked the least out of all his appearances, so unless I hear something really good about it, I’m not picking it up.

– IDK if it’s because I was desensitized, but the white suits and Clint’s hairdo didn’t look as ugly on the final product?

– So THAT was the gay character Feige went on about. I knew he was going to be an unnamed nobody with less than five lines LMAO. Stop being cowards and give us Danbeau and WinterFalcon.

– I was very touched about Ned and Peter’s hug (MY BBYS), but isn’t Ned supposed to be five years older? AKA out of high school? I mean, he looked like he had missed Peter, not like he had disappeared with him too? And the entire class is going on a trip in FFH? Is it because of nostalgia/a friends thing? Were all of them dusted? Because poor teacher then xDD

– I think a lot of emotional threads were unceremoniously dropped, but other than the ones I’ve mentioned, I’m more indifferent towards their recipients so… eh. A great example is the fact that Bruce’s conflicting journey with Hulk was solved off-screen LMAO. Some of the humour felt extra-cringy too tbh.

– I have Tony-related fanart as my lock screen, my computer background, and my phone background. I get teary eyed with just looking at them. I should think of changing them, but I wont xD

– I know I’m forgetting things but whatevs, I can talk about them later.