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I mean I’m just saying I’m surprised Baghera didn’t do a Baghera on this one
#didnt mean for this to be my last post of the year but didnt expert to fall sick either#last year i spent the new year rushing homeworks last minute and tonight i spend it confined in a bedroom whatsup#i was sad so to distract myself i pulled my tablet and tried to draw something that didnt require too much effort#but i still spent a whole day on this wtf#i wanted to tag something like ‘spotty tries their hands at procreate again’’ but im so feverish i forgot to write the part about the hands#and got jumpscared upon reading it again#qsmp#qsmp fanart#qsmp ron#qsmp baghera#comic#my art#ron lemons#bagherajones fanart#mcyt#does this count as body horror lmao ? i mean whatever theory you have about the faceless thing HAS to have some sort of horrific implic#-ations surely
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playing the our life dlc for the first time. .. . ohbg.. . .
#im only on step 2 but#thbe one with the homework#i lost mine and was so stresses and we couldnt find it#and cove was like 'here. take this' and it was HIS hw#and i was like '? what? this is yours?'#and he was like 'i dont know what you mean'#HE WANTED TO GIVE ME HIS HOMEWOKR SO I DIDNT HAVE TO START OVER#A HEEM A HEEM HIC SOBS#bro i . i . oh.hg.#our life#our life beginnings and always#olba#ol:ba#cove holden#dude. i get to play the wedding dlc. i get to marry cove holden#whole body vibrates uncontrollably#i love cove holden a normal amount.#anyways. sneep time#theo rambles
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Izuku: I need to find an excuse to escape social situations that makes sense to normal people
Izuku: because I can’t just say, “sorry, being around you right now makes me want to peel my skin off, nothing against you! I just have anxiety” doesn’t work for most people
Izuku: of course, my therapist would tell me that it’s a fine excuse, and that I’m setting boundaries, and that’s good
Izuku: and hound dog is not one to coddle you! In fact, he tells me about once every session that I will never receive my fathers love!
Izuku: so, I’m inclined to believe he’s telling the truth
#tw: mentions of body horror??#my therapist pulls no punches#which I do genuinely appreciate it’s just like dunking my head under cold water sometimes#thank you @ my therapist#anyway. i told five people that I had homework to escape social situations yesterday before having an existential crisis for a few hours#bnha#mha#incorrect mha quotes#incorrect my hero academia quotes#mha incorrect quotes#bnha incorrect quotes#incorrect bnha quotes#midoirya izuku#therapy with hound dog#izuku and his daddy issues#izuku problem child midoriya
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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Good evening gamers! I think I'm getting sick :( Snow should give me forehead kisses methinks-
#pan rambles#Also hello new moots and followers <3 Nice to have y'all here!#Today was gonna be a homework day but man. Head Hurting..#And body isn't feeling quite the best#Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow because man;; I'd hate to be sick as soon as I'm out of my break
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Supposed to be doing a college project rn but it looks scary and time consuming so I'm procrastinating
It's due today
#screaming out of the abyss#please help#i'm going to die#it's so scary#college#homework#i should be doing homework#i want to go back to bed please#i have to record a video? like whyyy#and it has to have my entire body#and you can't fucking read from a script#this is horrible#i'm going to cry#it sucks
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local guy needs a fucking hug
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Last complaint now because the nausea has mostly subsided. It was my birth control 😂😂😂 isn’t that awesome. I take it so I don’t get period pain because I probably have endometriosis but actual treatment for endometriosis is invasive and if you have a problem as a woman the only solution is birth control pills so you take the birth control pills and ur told to skip the placebo so I just don’t have a period but I guess I was never informed on how long it would take for me NOT to have a period because I still have it and apparently can have it for up to 6 more months 😂😂😂 so I take the pill and still have my period and the pain is some of the worst pain I’ve felt on my period ever and then! Then I just start throwing up, I try to eat bread. I throw up! I try to eat rice I throw up? Drink water, throw up. I’m throwing up all day to the point where im fucking dry heaving 😂😂😂 then that continues for 3 days until I go to urgent care because I can’t keep any food or water down. Then they give me anti nausea medication and I can keep food down now but I still feel so insanely nauseous it’s legitimately making me suicidal 😂😂😂 I miss my lecture day Monday then a fucking lab today that I have to make up, and I have an exam Friday I’m destined to fail, and I talk to my gynecologist today the one who prescribed me the birth control and told her about all this and she was like. Mmmm yeah nausea can be a side effect 🫢 REALLY? OK ON TO THE NEXT BIRTH CONTROL!!!!!
Past 6 days 🤤 blessed!
#I’m probably going to cry tomorrow because I have to face the music#the music being my exams and my now missing homework and my student research and my missing lab I need to make up#oh baby! I feel like I’m gonna throw up but this time it’s from stress#will some one literally just any one any body just tell me it will be ok#because I know it won’t. there will be a sacrifice of something I listed#but I need some one to lie to me
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Hm. Sitting up for extended periods of time is having the same physical effect on me as standing up for extended periods of time does. Hoping this doesn't last because if it does that's gonna be Very Very Bad for me
#it's happened before and eventually stopped but I cannot figure out any correlation. nothing is different#like man I am trying to do homework I cannot be stopping every 5-10 minutes to lay down for 10-20 minutes because I feel#extremely nauseous. dizzy. high heartrate. shaky. blacking out. nauseous. dizzy. have I mentioned nauseous and dizzy.#idk what the fuck is going on but I don't like it#fuck dude I fucking hate my body can it not be normal for 3 fucking seconds#armchair speaks#actually disabled#physically disabled
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me when the dissociation causes memory loss: *surprised Pikachu*
#blue chatter#listen. LISTEN. usually when I dissociate I remember a LITTLE bit#like. I am distant from my body and I feel fuzzy and lose time rly easily#but there’s lil hook events that will pull me a little closer and I’ll remember like. impressions of them. before I can move/react to them.#USUALLY this means I’ll remember receiving ice from my roommate as a grounding tool even if I don’t ’snap out of it’#but APPARENTLY yesterday my brain was on the dissociation train for TOO LONG#bc not only did I forget that one of my roommates went upstairs until well after he’d left#but apparently my roommate gave me ice. and I held it. and put it in my mouth. and I don’t remember that AT ALL.#like. not even a sense of when that happened or what else must have been going on that I forgot#I don’t know where that blank spot is in the timeline of ‘spaced the fuck out’#which. again. happened for OVER THREE HOURS off and on.#I know that we were watching Bob’s Burgers and that my roommate told me that I missed a full episode all in a row#but I don’t know which episode#because I don’t fully remember *any* of them#bc I was in and out all night#*screams*#why can’t my brain be normal!#I know what triggered this most likely. I had therapy yesterday and I have an exam today that I’m really nervous about#and I did homework for three hours yesterday after therapy so I didn’t have a long rest period afterwards like I usually do#*flops on the ground* when will my brain return from the war for good…#this better not fucking happen on Friday I have to drive places
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Might do a post/chart about varying alters that formed throughout our lifetime that we can piece together. Partially to have as a reference point, mostly out of our own curiosity to think about how our brain tried to adapt to things that happened.
Might include some details for why we think splits happened and why integration between specific parts occured, but we'll figure out how much we're comfortable sharing when it comes down to it.
#specifically thinking about how when things were Really Bad with a particular person#our brain split some alters in ways that sound very odd but in retrospect make Sense#fascinating kind of way#scully.txt#have to do homework first since we're already behind and need to get ahead for next week#some names (specifically ones related to littles or names similar to ones we used for the body) might change
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oh fucccckkkkkk i have tasks and responsibilities *sits down and doesnt
#man i have such a problem where like#if its too hot outside i dont do anything because its too hot to think#if its pleasantly warm outside i dont do anything because i just want to go cat napping in a sunbeam mode all day#if its too cold i dont do anything because every bone in my body hurts for no reason#today is a pleasantly warm day. its so comfy you wouldnt BELIEVE#i was made to chill out. but i have homework 😔
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#i cried over an instagram reel today#i've been so stressed in general but that sent me over the edge#it brought back a lot of nasty feelings I used to have about my body#and still do sometimes#it's gotten a lot better but#sometimes I still feel disgusting#for context the reel was a guy angrily pulling identical shirts out of his closet#while talking about how he used to be fat and now only wears the same clothes because they mean safety#and uhm. yeah. I still feel like there are a lot of clothes that i cannot wear because they will look gross on me#i'm not even fat!! i'm like barely overweight!!! and i STILL feel so uncomfortable in my skin sometimes#that reel just hit me in the sweet spot and i cried#i've been so fucking stressed#my shoulders are tight#i've had multiple stress dreams over the last week#my stomach is a goddamned mess#i can't do my homework for classes and if i don't i'm gonna fucking fail#i feel like i can't breathe#i'm trapped in this never-ending loop and everything is Bad#Everything is Bad#the world is tilting sideways as i speak#i need to go take a shower i can't think about this anymore it'll drive me crazy#lea vents#vent post
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Honestly considering changing my career to a school bus driver after whatever happened in the local news yesterday
#tw csa mention#tw csa#for context yesterday the discourse in local internet was a user brings up that thete was a creep on tiktok-#uploading vids of minors riding his bus#and the caption is very very gross like one of it said “today my crush is doing her homework” like what the fuck dude#and there's literally one video of him where this girl sleeps and he tries to wake her up by kissing the girl in the forehead#and touching her body like literally gross gross gross you need to go to hell#whats more upsetting is that theres 600k following this creep and the comments are enabling this guys' behaviour#saying shit like it was just light teasing and woke ppl ruins everything and say their relatives does that when they were-#young and nothing happened like what the fuck what the fuck what the fuckk#it's really really really upsetting for me that people really back up groomers#like not sorry at all fuck you this is so personal to me#i dont want to say more but like this really affects me and I legit cry for this ugh#but Im really glad at least theres people with brains who vehemently objects this and brings this case to the law enforcer#and the creep's acc got banned just today and got arrested#im so sorry im a mess ive been in this stupid depressive mood for weeks but this one just really takes the fucking cake#i want to be a van driver just so kids dont have to ride van with creepy man#i dont think thay sounds so bad at all i like driving
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I want to go hooome and write pooorn
#cookie speaks#I’m tired#my body hurts#I’m hungry#I have a ton of homework#but I just want to write and knit and journal and watch a show
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either i am dead or i have been living in a false reality for much of my life
#either way i have suddenly been thrust into a body that is not mine#i don't recognize it when i look in the mirror i don't recognize it when i look down#all i know is that this is not real and i need to wake up why can't i wake up#i'm terrified of how much time i've lost to this dream#where will i be when i wake up? will i even be?#why am i existing in someone else's body. there is homework to do and i have done some of it but it's not my homework.#there are people who have interacted with the owner of this body and i knew them by name but i did not know them by experience#rather than living someone else's life i am floating through it. i can't recall very much from today. but today didn't even happen.#it's all an illusion. none of this is real. none of them are real. i just need to wake up. when i wake up everything will be right.
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