#i lost mine and was so stresses and we couldnt find it

[theo-grayson]

playing the our life dlc for the first time. .. . ohbg.. . .

[dawnowar]

I don't know what happened

I was doing really good cross posting everything to tumblr manually and then I just lost it after the rosstheboss night at milwaukee for some reason im not sure of.

Since then i had a week of rest and and then i went back out to see Ross in The Dictators and had an awesome day where I got to spend some time with him and got to eat dinner with him and the man known as Athenar from Midnight who it turns out is a big fan of Ross' which makes so much perfect sense to me because you can hear it in the guitar solos which I'm told he writes.

I fangirled over the two of them discussing gear even tho i dont know shit about whateverthehell they were talking about because it was just so cool i was in this conversation at all.

Saw The Dictators play with friends and had an awesome time.

My Metal neighbor and friend Chuck died suddenly for no real reason that weekend. Wasnt sick or anything. Just had a seizure even though he had no history of such things and his heart stopped and after paramedics worked on him and took him to the ER, he was brain dead so his family decided to let him go.

Been checking on his wife and doing what i can to help. Mostly by idk talking a load of bullshit i guess because i never know what to say but i think it at least provides some distraction which is probably helpful at least here and there. She is the kind of person you can't keep down and I know she will survive this but I'm not sure there's anything much harder than that to survive.

All this happened in the same weekend. I've known Ross personally for 19 years now so i guess that makes us old friends. And we talked about everything and things and people and getting older and I told him to go to the doctor.

I called my other two oldest friends and did the same with them too.

Then I went back to work on Monday where no one even said good morning to me forget about how was your awesome weekend with The Dictators you've had planned for forever? Because they dont know who The Dictators are and they don't care. And they didnt have a good weekend because they are miserable people so they dont care if i had a good one or not.

In the morning i didnt know how to answer someones question and everyone was on the phone so I told the guy I'd call him back. When I asked I was told that was dumb because this was simple and didnt warrant a call back. I assured him i gave the simple answer but i didnt know more specfiics the customer was asking so this did warrant a call back.

Went to lunch and the dizzy saleslady talked to someone i was waiting on a call back from, and she didnt read my notes to find out what they wanted and didnt give me the message when I came in that they'd called. I figured it out later and called her over and showed her where to look for my notes when someone calls for me so if its something easy she can just give them the answer.

Two hours later a guy calls asks for me and im on the phone. She tells him ill call him back. at 5pm. Shes gathering her belongings to go home and now i have to stay afterhours to call the guy back. I'm like did you look at my notes? It literally says i was calling because I sent him a link he needs to click to set up his autopay. You couldnt tell him to do that? I need to stay afterhours because you couldn't read my notes and tell him to click a link?

Suddenly the boss thinks its totally fine to call people back for stupid simple answers when this morning it was terrible customer service and he takes her side over mine because he's an asshole in general and picks fights with me on the regular because either he hates me and wants me to quit but doesnt want to fire me since he has no real grounds because my work is just fine and he just hates me because hes a joyless fuck who takes his stress out on me for some reason.

Or he just thinks this is a normal way to treat employees and expects thats fine that he treats me like this.

My fault probably because I've been putting up with this bullshit. I've been there a year and a half and hes been an asshole the whole time but its a good job for me in every other way or at least i believed that and I didn't put him in his place, because hes the boss. You dont win an argument when you arent the boss. So I just didn't argue.

Basically he randomly picks fights with me and I get mad and he says im "being irrational" because he doesnt understand that im being MAD and not even a little bit irrational at all and thats a super sexist dick thing to say and the only reason i havent CORRECTED HIM is because i was trying not to get fired.

Because if i said what i thought i would certainly get fired. But he doesnt listen to me anyway so theres no reason to say anything really. He has never listened to me ever about anything. I tell him theres pink mold in the bathroom he says there isn't. I'm like you can see it. and i cleaned the bathroom my damn self even though I am certainly not the janitorial staff. I tell him there are ants he says no there are no ants. I buy ant traps and get rid of the ants.

Anyway I spent my weekend in some existential thought with my oldest friends and people most important to me, and this motherfucker picks a fight with me over a thing there is no possible way I am wrong about.

and that was it. Life is too short to have a boss whos an asshole. I left and didnt go back. got my stuff the next day. bye fuck you asshole. youve ruined enough of my days. So ive been unemployed and looking for work since. I got a job offer yesterday so it took a week and a half.

No clue if my new job will be any good or not but i went in for the interview and it's beautiful in there and there was calm soft music and the guy who interviewed me was basically selling me on the job instead of the other way around. Told me they have almost no turnover but they are opening another location so they need new people. Asked why i left my previous job. I told him it was a personality conflict and i was just so unhappy there. He said he used to have a job selling financial products to insurance agents and they're all crazy. He may as well have put his arm around me and said, "it's ok baby, i got you". It felt like that. Sent me a job offer a few hours later. Pay is less, hours way different, commute is longer, but there's benefits. I had no benefits at that shitty job with that asshole for a boss who did nothing but make every day suck for me. I have so many stories of what a dick he is. He interviewed someone for my job a month or so ago. Because he never took the ad down. I was there a year and a half! He stopped buying the coffee i like too. If he wasnt trying to get rid of me he's just really shit at treating people like he wants to keep them. The longer im gone the easier it is to see that wasnt as good a job as it seemed from the outside. It wasnt even close.

It was hard. and complicated. It took me about a year to become competent. I was just starting to get good at it. He really should have seen that as valuable and that he should treat me well since he had such an investment of time and money sunk into me.

But he didn't. He never complimented me on anything ever. He never said so much as Good job about anything at any point. He was just an asshole if i did something wrong or sometimes even if i didn't. He'd go off on me randomly and I'd just say OK because i'm not going to argue. Because if I get involved in this I'm going to end up with no job because I'm going to tell him what I think.

So basically this is what ended up going down except i didnt even bother to tell him what i think of him because he doesnt listen to me anyway and i didn't feel like i needed to tell him what i think of him or anything at all. He's a joyless asshole under pressure to have a successful business and he's not doing it. Probably because he's an asshole and its a very people-person job.

He wanted me to handle everything. Even though I didnt know how and i'm not the business owner. He was mad about me directing customers to him. When they ask for him because hes the business owner. Good luck being successful dude. I'm out.

This guy who just hired me literally told me that if people are angry that wouldn't be my responsibility to handle. I'd get the manager for them. I'm like ??????????? really????????? because its been my job to get yelled at for my last two jobs now for about the last four years of my life. In fact, at some point during the pandemic it was literally my job for a month to let people yell at me for not receiving their furniture and once they calmed down giving them gift certificates. I did that for a whole month when I was really sick too. Probably the worst month of my life.

and i had some moment where i realized all this work trauma ive been through for the last four years and I just breathed and relaxed. and decided even if this guy didnt hire me and even if he was just talking a load of BS, becuase this asshole boss told me what a great manager he was in the interview too, it just felt so good to have someone on the outside tell me how a person should be treated as an employee.

Because thats not how i was being treated.

for years now.

and thats why i quit.

He gave me validation.

and a job i hope i like and can stay at for a long time.

Went to the funeral today.

Dude died, i quit my job, got a new job before the funeral. That was a big relief. I never thought i was making a mistake having quit but probably i should have looked for a new job first and then put my notice in properly but #1 fuck this guy i was done and #2 i didn't do that so here we are.

I spent the inbetween time kind of panicking that i'll never be able to get another new job ever because of the way I quit. But then also i worked for myself for 8 yrs before the pandemic and I loved it so its fine if i cant work for anyone ever again. I'm my favorite boss. it'll be ok. I just didnt want to go to all the trouble to set my business back up and look for clients again.

Having said that i probably have spent so much more time and energy looking for a job working for someone else. It's been awful. Job hunting is so demoralizing. and its even worse than that now I think because i got so many scammers trying to scam me while I'm just trying to look for some employer to not care that i left my last job suddenly because i cant get along with my boss.

but i got a job and i slept so much better last night than i have in the week and a half since i quit my job.

The details arent finalized so it may not be a done deal but just having a job offer at all is a weight off my mind. and i went to enjoy the funeral today. Thats not the right word. you dont 'enjoy' a funeral but i was able to be fully present at the funeral and have conversations with all these bereaved people who were mostly just in shock. All of them. I mean no one was expecting this and it really just seemed like no one had gotten past is this even really happening. I was in this room full of people who were in some surreal land inside themselves. I did what i could to talk to everyone but I'm not even sure what I was talking about and they didn't seem to care either. It felt like everyone was just glad everyone else was there.

Funerals all suck.

Theyre always weird and wrong and unsatisying but i think thats the place, at least for me in my limited experience, where you start to really come to terms with the fact that this person is gone. I think thats what theyre for.

Whats even weirder is that I had a tiki theme party to go to after. Which made the whole day even more surreal as i changed from funeral black to Hawaii and from sad to happy.

But the happy party after really made me feel normal in a way I havent now since he died in the first place. Just chatting with friends about things. Not existential things. Just normal things. Like things are normal.

Found myself referring to "my job" and meaning the old one. I dont know what my new job is like yet. I dont even know what days off I will or wont have coming up. Which i just realized may be an issue since people at the party were asking if i'm going to show up for things. i'm like yeah i have the day off work. and i remembered later i asked for the day off work with a boss i dont have anymore and a job i dont have anymore so i need to make sure the new boss is cool with giving me these days off up front or i'll have to find a differnt job i guess.

but i am very glad i have a job offer and I'm very glad i have happy friends and upcoming plans.

I need to cross post all my tumblr posts for the last four weeks i think give or take now. I didnt mean to stop doing it.

[saydams]

ok i've had a very stressful week so if you don't want to hear me venting skip the rest of this post!

so, the other day someone rammed their car into the side of mine while i was driving. which was scary. and wrecked my car. i am very mad about it (though it could have been worse; no one was hurt, it was the other guy's fault and he admitted it and his insurance covered everything (almost), and we didn't have to call the cops, and i was able to limp my car home).

then i had to spend 30 min on the phone with his insurance, then wait for a call back, then another hour on the phone while we got a rental car set up for the next day. ok good i handled it.

then the next day rental place never called me, i called them and waited on hold for over 30 min waiting to speak with someone, was never able to get through. it was the weekend, i assumed that the place had changed its hours or something was closed. ok. i'll try again tuesday. (monday was new years)

tuesday i spent multiple hours on phone over multiple phone calls with multiple rental locations all telling me that they couldnt get me the car reserved for me and that [other place] needed to do it. (first i called the person who was overseeing my claim, as i had been told to tell them if i had questions. they said they would make some calls and if i still hadnt gotten a car by wednesday to call them back)

tuesday ends. no car. im starting to get really scared because i need to drive myself to hospital for a procedure thurs morning, and i need to leave at 6:30am to get there in time. i can't reschedule and the buses dont run then and i dont have anyone i can ask for a ride.

i spend wednesday morning (from 8-11) alternating on the phone, crying, and crying while on the phone, which is mortifying. i do end up getting a car which is good.

now i have a rental for my appt thurs, which is a relief, but it does mean i'm driving A Car That Is Not Mine, which is awful. the sightlines are different and the seat is different and the car smells weird and i dont understand the heat vent controls. and the radio turns on every time i turn on the car which startles me every time. also the motor is so loud and i am worried something is wrong? so that's stressful.

so i left my gps in my car when the tow truck came and the guy was super nice and noticed and asked if i forgot to take it out and i panicked and said no its fine, which was the wrong answer, but i couldnt go back and change my mind becuase when someone asks me an unexpected question i always panic and say the wrong thing, unless i say the right thing and then second guess myself and correct to the wrong thing.

so now i spend the night worrying about not having my gps. hopefully it'll be ok getting tho the hospital because i go there all the time but i dont know how i'll find the mechanic shop...? (this is a problem for later i havent had to deal with it yet so im trying to to worry about it)

anyway. today is thurday, i go to hospital, give myself and extra 20 min to get there becasue i get lost constantly even with gps. i can't drive and navigate at the same time. so i go, but i get on the highway going north instead of south, even though i know how to get there AND i wrote down the directions just in case. it takes me 10 minutes of driving to realize this, and then i have to turn around, and now im only barely on time, and being late is the worst. so i am flustered from driving a weird car and going the wrong way and being late and so i accidentally take the turn to the employee lot instead of the regular lot and i realize right after i make the turn but there is a string of cars behind me and i cant back up and i dont know what to do so i go forward to the gate and i cant get in obviosuly.

so i get out of the car, panicing, and ask for help from the car behind me and they show me how to hit the intercom but no one pics up and their are so many cars waiting and finally the employee behind me scans me it with her card and i drive through to the exit so i can come back in to the regular lot and I CANT GET OUT without an employee badge either. so i have to wait until another employee comes along and willl badge me out and then i have to go back tothe street and loop back around and park and come in, then i went tothe main desk to tell them what happened to make sure someone is there to answer the intercom in case the people who helped me are now stuck and she was weird and mean and told me that i wasnt allowed in the employee parking and it wasnt my business and not to worry about it.

anyway i had my procedure and now im home and dont have to do anything else.

(in conclusion: why it took me nearly 40 years to discover i was autistic i have no idea haha)

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n tubbo jack niki and wilbur - racing across the sea

requested: yes/no

part 8 of the great adventures series

warning: cursing, anxiety about the sea

ever since the argument you and tubbo had become inseparable, he practically lived with you and your parents at this point, and your community was loving it. everytime one of you would stream, tens of thousands of people would tune into your stream to see what madness was going on and today was no different. the pair of you decided to stream a laugh and the stream ends challenge. safe to say you ended up changing the rules several times, you even made ranboo join the stream so you could have extra lives. not long after the stream ended you, ranboo, and tubbo practically dominated the twitter trending page. today however was tubbos last day at yours and shortly after you ended stream, the pair of you headed out to the train station so you could make sure your best friend made it onto the train safely. after you said your goodbyes, you decided to facetime jack on your way home to discuss vlog ideas, and just to talk to him, as you had been rather busy this past week going over plans with ranboo, tubbo, and all of your parents about the uk trip that was happening pretty soon.

a few days later, it was finally time to go film the vlog. you couldn’t exactly lie, you weren’t exactly looking forward to this, as you were told it had something to do with the sea and boats which oddly enough didn’t mix very well with your fear of the deep sea. you had no idea what’s down there and you didn’t want to find out, but hey at least you’d be with tubbo.

your parents offered to drive you there so you didnt have any additional stress from having to get a train then a taxi, this allowed you to have a pretty quiet journey to meet up with your friends. you sat in the back of the car on facetime with tommy who was the only one who knew about your fear and was rather confused as the why you would agree to do such a thing

“i’ll never understand what goes through your mind, you’ve got this though! you’re going to be completely okay, plus you never know it might help you get over your fear, you did tell me you had been working on getting over it.”

“I suppose you’re right, it can’t be too bad. I mean I love the sea. I just don’t like what’s deep down, you feel me?”

“i understand mate, but you need to remember jack wouldn’t put you in danger. as much as he acts like he would, and even if you do fall off the boat or some how end up in the water, you won’t automatically end up at the bottom of the sea. just try to enjoy yourself, yeah?”

“...yeah”

“call me when you get home you can tell me all about what happened, afterwards we can record a minecraft mod video.”

“of course, boss man.”

“you hang out with tubbo too much, you should hang out with me a lot more.”

the car pulled into the car park and within a minute of the car stopping tubbo was at the window shouting your name.

“right tommy, i should probably go, ill see you later bud!”

you said goodbye to your parents as tubbo opened your car door for you.

“what a gentleman, thank you, tubbo.”

“anything for you, now let’s go. jack began filming the intro and i really want the hat hes wearing.”

“you’re ridiculous.”

he stood with his arms crossed shaking his head, pretending to be offended before walking off with you not far behind him.

you stood with niki and wilbur as tubbo went off filming some of the intro with jack. the three of you stood talking about how you have all been and discussing more plans for your meetup.

“y/n, go control your friend, he’s stealing a hat!”

you ran up behind tubbo and stole the hat from him, putting it on your own head.

“why have you got the hat now?”

“i am now captain!”

“but i wanted to be captain!”

you and tubbo stood arguing back and forth over who was captain, ignoring jack trying to get the pair of you to stop.

“you have 5 seconds to stop arguing or you’re being separated 5...4...3...2...1 right.”

“jack no!”

jack pulled you aside claiming he has something really important to ask you.

“so did you bring something valuable?”

“yeah i did actually, i brought tubbo and the necklace tommy gave me for my birthday last year.”

tubbo overhearing the conversation walked over telling you both that he also brought a valuable item, in fact it was a family heirloom.

“i brought an urn.”

“why would you do that tubbo? what the fuck-“

“you two do realise if either of you lose it had to go in the sea?”

“poor grandma.”

“aye about that you will have to pry that necklace out of my hands in order to throw it in the sea!”

the three of you went up to wilbur and niki where wilbur stole the hat you stole from tubbo, and you were told that you were all about to race to the isle of wight.

it was unfortunately time to board the boat, you sat next to tubbo, so that you felt like you had some sort of control with what was about to happen. the others sat making jokes about what was going on whilst you were trying to get control of your breathing. as you all set sail, you thought you were doing a good job of hiding the fact you were potentially about to have a panic attack as no one seemed to notice, or so you thought. considering the fact tubbo was your best friend, he instantly noticed something was wrong and wrapped an arm around you, and decided that distracting you would be a lot better than making you focus on what was currently happening.

“hey y/n, i have an amazing idea for when ranboos in the uk. a 4 month sleep over.”

“heh?”

before you had time to fully process what was going on, all you could hear was wilbur now claiming to be captain then going on to tell you why portsmouth is called portsmouth. you couldnt help but laugh at the random things he was coming up with since he put the captains hat on.

“that is a cinema..i’ve been in this industry for a while now, isn’t that right?”

it was silent for a while until niki tried to steal the captains hat, but was unfortunately unsuccessful .

“maybe next time niki.”

“thank you for believing in me, y/n.”

you pointed out a castle which ended up with wilbur talking about how the planned executions there .

“are they dead?”

“...tubbo of course they’re dead. what kind of question was that?”

the other boat began getting closer to the boat you were all currently in, indicating that it was almost time for you all to split up into two groups.

“my boat is going much faster.”

“that is a sign of pollution.”

“wow jack you’re polluting the world, i hope you’re happy!”

the ride was pretty chill until jack asked what he had lost in the past.

“past relationships.”

“the love or host.”

“laugh you lose streams.”

“the waterslide races from when we went to the water park.”

you and tubbo continued listening things that jack had lost.

“okay. so i’ve lost a few things.”

jack looked towards the other boat.

“however, you two are about to lose each other.”

“excuse you?”

“no, y/n is mine!”

eventually wilbur had enough and picked tubbo up and took him to the other boat with him.

“TUBBO!”

“Y/N!”

you and niki sat laughing as jack and wilbur bickered about who was going to win the boat race. whilst jack was distracted, you felt niki tap your arm and told you to look over to the other boat where tubbo was reaching his arm out to you so you could quickly swap boats.

you quickly got into the boat and sat next to your best friend, tubbo knew you were still slightly nervous, so made it so you would be sat in between him and wilbur so you would feel a lot more comfortable. a few minutes later, your boat began to set off and all you could hear was a mixture of tubbos laughter and jacks yelling getting quieter the further you went.

“AY THEY CANT START WITHOUT US!. AND THEY GOT Y/N, WHEN DID THEY GET THEM?!”

you turned to face wilbur who pointed towards a building before announcing that it definitely belonged to the the three of you, and was renaming it reddit gold.

“reddit..reddit gold, are you serious?” you said through your laughter, the three of you sat together taking turns narrating what was happening .

“go on, y/n.”

“if this capsizes, were all drowning.”

“cheerful as awful.”

“do you think sharks are beneath us?”

“i’m not even answering that question.”

you looked over your shoulder to see that niki and jack were catching up to you all.

“i hope they don’t overtake us, otherwise it’s bye bye tubbo.”

“and grandma.”

“excuse you, tubbo?”

“he’s claiming that he brought an urn with him and if we lose our valuable item gets chucked into the sea.”

a little while later jacks boat was next to yours and you and wilbur started to shout how it was like romeo and juliet.

“y/n, you studied this at gcse a while back, yell some quotes.”

“tubbo i didn’t listen to the teachers.”

“do it!”

“no!”

wilbur continued to talk to the others whilst you and tubbo sat bickering about William Shakespeare .

“tubbo my favourite character was benvolio and he fucked off halfway through.”

“what do you mean he fucked off?”

“he literally disappeared.”

wilbur was genuinely questioning what he was listening to he slowly turned around and tried to catch your attention; however you were currently in the middle of a debate about why benvolio disappeared, which was that last thing you expected to be doing on the boat. eventually your debate died down and you looked up to see wilbur shaking his head at you both, clearly confused as to why you spent 5 minutes arguing about romeo and juliet. an idea came to wilburs mind as he started laughing and pointing at the sea.

“drink some seawater, tubbo.”

you looked away as tubbo reached into the water trying to hold as much water as he could before bringing it to his lips and drinking the seawater.

“tubbo did you really just-“

“more tubbo!”

tubbo did the same as before, however this time brought his hands towards your face.

“drink it, y/n!”

“yeah, y/n, you can help desalinate it.”

“how wonderful, i’ll pass though.”

tubbo looked at you pretending to be upset and lifted his hands towards you again, this time you gave in and drank some of the water.

“thanks, tubbo, I can now only taste salt.”

jack noticed what you and tubbo were doing and looked at wilbur confused.

“im making them drink seawater!”

“what’s it like?”

“potassium!”

“salt.. a lot of salt!”

you checked your phone as you kept receiving multiple messages from tommy trying to get your attention, forgetting that you were currently on a boat with the others. you looked up from your phone to see tubbo drinking more seawater.

“AGAIN?”

you had no idea what was going on for jack and niki, but it sounded a lot like they lost hope as jack yelled asking if there was room for him on the boat while tubbo sat flipping him off in response to his question. jack continued to yell at the three of you however none of you could hear what he was yelling, so you kind of sat just nodding your head in agreement to what he was saying. wilbur pointed out that he could see the finishing line and how it looked like you were all going to make it. you looked over to see jack and niki recreating that one scene from titanic tubbo looked at you smiling, trying not to laugh.

“absolutely not one of us, if not both of us, would end up in the sea.”

the boat began to go significantly faster. at the start you were unsure how to feel, however a few minutes into it you began laughing enjoying how fast you were going.

“woahhh we’re turning!”

the boat did a loop before going straight on as fast as it could go.

“y/n, tubbo, we’re going. we’re going.”

“OH MY GOD!”

you ended up passing another boat you and tubbo instantly waved to everyone on the boat a few people waved back .

“they don’t wanna wave.”

“they know their boat is bigger than ours.”

“they could easily ram us and kill us all.”

“hopefully they decide against doing that.”

the boat began weaving resulting in you, tubbo, and wilbur constantly crashing into each other, not that any of you cared you were all having the time of your lives. you pointed at a boat which was cutting off the boat jack and niki were in .

“we’ve got this in the bag boys, victory is ours!”

your boat slowed down so it could dock.

“i think we’ve won!”

“we won”!

“holy shit we won! tubbo doesn’t have to go in the sea now!”

everyone got out of the boat so you could all wait for jack and niki to reach the dock, as the two of them approached you all tubbo began to sing.

“we are the champions my friend!”

“STOP IT!”

“i have to go into the fucking water!”

you pulled niki into a hug.

“jack you cruel man.”

“did you not have fun niki..we had a great time.”

you let go of niki and stood behind tubbo placing your head on his shoulder whilst jack explained to wilbur what was going to happen if they lost.

“oh, I thought we got to decide who was thrown into the water.”

“no no no no no no!”

“well i think considering we won..”

after a small discussion as a team, you all instantly agreed that jack should be thrown into the water, you all stood on the boat as niki argued that he cant throw her into the water. a couple seconds later wilbur walks towards jack handing him the camera before picking him up.

“are you ready?”

“i don’t think the bits that funny will, i don’t think the bits that funny!”

you all screamed and laughed as jack was thrown into the water. jack complained about the temperature of the sea as he climbed back onto the boat only to be pushed off again by you and tubbo.

“that’s revenge for trying to put us on separate boats!”

you spent the rest of the day together just hanging together as a group before you said your goodbyes.

the ride back home was you excitedly explaining what your boat ride was like to your parents, once you got home you ran upstairs to your room then called tommy on discord

“how was it then?”

“tommy it was so cool, honestly i wish you could have come with us.”

“i mean you’re coming with me george and wilbur to a water course next week, you don’t have a choice.”

“oh okay, it’s a good job i’d love to be there then, tom, also what mod are we playing just so i can check i have it ready.”

“rlcraft.”

the two of you spent a good hour talking before getting ready to film a video with charlie and jschlatt for tommys youtube channel.

taglist:

@l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @kylobensgirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @reverse-iak @c1loudee

[blazingstarship]

inconspicuously gonna pop up here… how about blue thistle, rose, daffodil and sunflower for the ask game :D??

THANK YOU SO MUCH DEAR!!😁💕

Blue thistle: What do you and your F/O wear at your wedding? Feel free to provide pictures of wedding attire you would wear!

Bride:

The dress is a design called A Stardust Kiss. It has a touch of light blue and sparkly glitters presenting stars. I really didnt wanted to go all white and it was really hard for me to find a dress I loved, till one counture shop contacted me. the picture is the closest what I could find what looked like the dress, hope you get the idea!

On the day I have two pair of shoes. One heels and one slippers. I found the shoes rather than the dress. I really wanted to have those Cinderella’s glass slippers heels and I found them! A real dream came true! And the other paid were white flipflops like who would notice that? These are really the heels!

For jewelry I wore a necklace with my grandpa’s wedding ring on it and my earrings were a gift from Yusei, shooting star earrings.

Groom:

Yusei got his suit from the same tailer where his own father got his when he married his mother. The man moved out of town months before the accident happen and isnt really into the dueling world till he heard the news about Yusei Fudo and then it clicked this might be the son of a long lost friend. The suit is a dark blue color, having a white blouse underneath and his tie has the same color as my dress.

Daffodil: What do you and your F/O’s wedding rings look like?

Like this! Yus.ei said a plain golden ring was fine for him as I got to choose the stones I wanted into mine. We picked out together and it may seen simple but we are just that simple. Note: my ring just has three stones and further as plain as the left one.

Rose: Which one of you did the most planning for the wedding?

I think its me. I had to do extra stuff that includes stuff across the sea for my friends and family to come over and their stayings and that everything was settled. Since Yus isnt fluent Dutch it all came down to me to make stuff work but he helped to make stuff work in NDC. But damn that was some stressed days. We planned most of the wedding together, we had sitted down and worked through the list of stuff.

Sunflower: Were either of you worried or stressed before the ceremony?

After the rehearsal dinner, we parted ways but eventually called each other cause we couldnt sleep. How us two who said we werent wedding material were getting hatched the next morning. We had agreed no matter what happen its about us and no one else.

We had a first touch before the ceremony as we wanted to be surprised to see each other at the altar. We are still glad we did that. Boy I was so happy to feel his calm hand and hear his voice. Yus.ei was relieved too to feel my hand, his nervous were kinda calmed down. We comforted each other by saying “I see you at the altar handsome.” “Not before I see you first my bride.” “Just you and me.” “You and me.”

[weirdmageddon]

good lord what a fucking stressful day

driving up to class there was a truck in front of me for like ten straight minutes that was going 19 mph on a 35 mph road and there was a car behind me and i could just feel his pain too. it was taking all my mental effort to not blare my horn. soon as that fucking truck turned onto another road i pressed down so fucking hard on the gas pedal to get across the message to the cars behind me that i was pissed off we had to go that slow and that it was not my decision like sort of an apology to them like “you saw that fucking guy?? im not gonna keep putting you through that”

then when i got out of class i drove to the bookstore and was told i have no funds in my account to buy books and that i need to go to financial aid office. then i got anxious because nobody there knew where it was (i dont live on-campus so idk either) and i couldnt find any answers online because the map wasnt loading.

so then i looked at one of those “you are here” maps around campus and saw that financial aid was on the other side of route 41/tamiami trail (left side of campus). so i waited at that stupid light for 5 minutes and once i got to the other side i had to find a place to park which was annoying, and i still couldnt find the stupid office. i asked inside the first building i saw and the lady said it was across the road (pointing to the OTHER road, not route 41) so i walked over there. didnt look like the financial office but i checked anyway and it was locked, (and it wasnt the financial aid office). btw i’m in florida if it’s not obvious by “tamiami trail” and i have a heat intolerance (im 99.99% certain i have POTS, all i need is an official diagnosis but i havent had the appointment yet) and i started getting really fatigued and i was sweating my ass off and couldnt think straight and i felt that i was starting to get teary.

so im trying to find this stupid office in this oppressive heat. with a heat intolerance. and wearing a mask which made it feel a lot harder to get in air. i tried to ask this random kid but i broke down in front of him because i couldnt hold my shit together over something so minor as being unable to find this fucking office and i bet he thought i was insane or mentally unstable and i realized this so i was apologizing to him. when i inhaled it was so loud they were like gasps and i couldnt do anything about it and it made me so embarrassed...like the kinda gasps people do after running for their life. not quite hyperventilation because it wasnt fast but whenever i took in air it was like a sharp wheeze 😭 like my throat was so tight the air getting squeezed through it made a loud noise

so idk i think i maybe had a panic attack outside because i couldnt find this motherfucking financial aid office in this 90°F 70% humidity weather where it feels like 104°F so i could barely breathe to begin with and no one had given me good directions. then i involuntarily began holding my breath because it was embarrassing to be making loud sobbing gasps while walking.. which made it even harder to breathe but at least i wasnt drawing attention to myself.

i walked over to the student recreation center to get into the air conditioning and get some water. i sat down and i noticed i was STILL involuntarily holding my breath. they’re not breath-holding spells like babies do, like i dont do it until i get blue in the face but it’s sort of an automatic response as though to not make any noise? but it’s really involuntary it kinda becomes my default mode of breathing instead of normal respiration (anyone else do this when crying btw?? i tried looking it up but all i got was breath-holding spells in babies)

so taking few minutes while trying to calm down i took my phone out and searched for the financial aid center’s location on google and i still got nothing descriptive. i asked a more students around if they know where it is, one said he didnt know, and i was about to leave but near the exit there were like 4 students playing billiards and i asked them if they knew where it was. and i think one of the kids knew me from middle or high school because he remembered me and looked sort of familiar and said “sara are you okay” and i broke Again and i felt absolutely pathetic, but they ended up actually helping me this time find it and were really nice. turns out it WAS on the online campus map the whole time but i overlooked it because it was labeled “Palmer D / Financial Aid” and my tunnel vision ass just did not even recognize it because i was looking at the first letters going down the key list. and i felt so stupid. all of that for nothing. i couldve just stayed parked where i was for class earlier on the other side of tamiami trail. then i trudged back through the heat to my car and thats when i turned from feeling lost and panicky into frustrated and irritable because i KNEW where i needed to go but it felt like everything around me was so goddamn slow. i had to wait at that light for the full 5 minutes again because it turned from green to yellow just as i was driving up to it.

once it was green, i pulled back into that parking lot i was in at the beginning of the day and walked into the financial aid office and actually got something accomplished. i filled out a form (that they never made clear last year due to covid 🙄) which makes my bookstore funds automatically deposited and i helped walk a freshman who came in through the exact same steps after i finished mine. so that made me feel a little better.

at this point i was so full of adrenaline and cortisol and i acutely noticed how fucking DISGUSTING it was outside, the air was so muggy and it was overcast and like 90°F just an absolute swamp ass jungle. and i got back into my car and waited at that fucking tamiami light AGAIN and some stupid lady was like one whole ass car space behind the light so i couldnt turn into the right lane until it turned green and i was sittingthere for 5 mins just WAITING for this idiot to pull forward. then i waited at ANOTHER 5 minute light immediately after that before being able to actually drive home. just so many minor inconveniences all throughout my day that made everything feel so much worse.

i’ve been home for 4 hours at this point, i already showered but my body still feels like it’s full of stress hormones. my body is actually still has very minute tremors from all the stress. great start to the semester already.

[collectionofcherries]

👀couldnt help but notice you talking about hannibal in your billy loomis imagine 👀 also couldnt help but to notice thats in your fandom list 👀 maybe you should shoot your shot with an imagine with hanni 👀

So over on my Naruto blog I did a little fluff piece called Morning Coffee that everyone seemed to enjoy so I thought I'd bring it here. It’s a simple concept, it follows your morning to the start of your cup to the end of it. Hope you enjoy! --- ☕ Morning Coffee ☕

---

written in the mind-frame of a Female!Reader but there are no pronouns mentioned nor gender specific anatomical body parts.  Warnings: None, flirting with the idea of smut but no actual smut. Sexual longing maybe? Word Count: 1,155

--- Hannibal Lecter

   Having coffee with a friend shouldn't have been this stressful, being this stressed in the morning couldn't be good for you but it wasn't like you could help it. How are you supposed to dress for morning coffee with a man who practically lives in three piece suits? Formal? Business casual? Casual casual? Your clothing covered floor seemed to bare no answers as you stared at what you swore was everything you owned...had everything always been this ugly? God! Why did you even propose a breakfast together? Hannibal does dinner but no you had to pitch breakfast to be different and try to impress him, yeah you're sure he'd be impressed by the amount of clothing on the floor. If you'd been like everyone else and just gone for dinner you'd have more time to try on clothes but a look at the clock told you that you had to leave now or you'd be late and that'd be terrible, that'd be rude and Hannibal can't stand people who're rude. However messy your floor was it was worth it for the compliment you got when Hannibal opened his door to greet you. “I don't see you in colour often, red looks lovely on you.”     Well, guess you're wearing red for the rest of your life.     "Oh thank you.” Finds it's way out of your throat as your face is painted the colour that apparently looks lovely on you.     “Please, come in.” He welcomes stepping to the side to allow room.    You never gave much thought to what a foyer could be, yours is technically where you just kick off your shoes and put your keys but this, this was proper foyer. Just the entrance to his house was nice. God it was big too, he could probably rent it out to a poor college kid for like 500 bucks if he wanted not that he looked like he needed the extra money. Did you even know how to say Foyer properly? You bet Hannibal did, without a doubt he knew all those fancy French words--was that word even French? Oh no, what if you were stupid and it wasn't French? What if this wasn't even a foyer? How dumb were you? H-- hands came up to your shoulders jolting you out of your spiral. Hannibal gently pulls the edges of your jacket and you immediately understand. “Thank you.” You repeat once again.    He smiles with a nod as he slides your jacket off of you with your help and hangs it up on a beautiful wood stand you're sure costs more than half your rent. Thinking about how much money was within these walls could make your head spin but that spinning is halted by the soothing tones of his voice. “Lost in thought?” He inquired.    “Uh, just early morning brain fog you know?” You try to bluff.    It's not convincing but he nods anyway. “Perhaps some coffee would help.”     “Sounds good.” You agree.    Following him through his house only furthers your awe, you could spent a lifetime in here just looking at stuff. “I thought it'd be pleasant to make breakfast together instead of having it ready, eating together is one experience but preparing a meal is another entirely.” He explained    The idea of sharing an experience with Hannibal was one that filled you with butterflies, the more you thought about it you didn't think you'd heard of Hannibal cooking with anyone else, maybe the stress of this morning would pay off after all. “I'm not a chef but I'll do my best, what're we making?”     “Uova al purgatorio.” Which leads to a bit of a blank stare on your end, as pretty as it sounds you've got no idea what that means. “It's an Italian dish, eggs in Purgatory.” He explained.    “Sounds interesting.” You quip.    “It is, the name comes from the eggs sitting in a tomato base, the white of the eggs floating within the red sauce giving the illusion of souls trapped within the unknown of Purgatory.” He explains as he prepares the boiling water for your coffee. “Even at breakfast it seems we wonder where our souls go to lay.”     “Well makes sense for Italy home of the Pope, I'm sure there's religious overtones at most meals.”    He smiles a little and nods. “During my time in Italy it truly does surround you, it's an interesting feeling, almost euphoric to be encapsulated by it at every

turn.” He remarked.    “Wow, you spent time in Italy? It looks beautiful there.” You say, trying to stray a little further from the religious aspect, you don't exactly know where Hannibal falls on that spectrum and the last thing you want to do is come across rude or disrespectful to him. “Coffee smells great.” You add as he pours the boiling water into his very fancy looking French Press.    Your attempt to change subjects doesn't go unnoticed at all but he once again nods as he looks at you. “Yes, I traveled quite a bit in my youth, I called Italy my home for some time.” He explains.     “Do you ever miss it?” You ask    “I take with me what I relish in the places I've been, while I may no longer be surrounded by the Primavera or the walls of Santa Maria della Concezione dei Cappuccini they are ever present in my mind, reproduced with the utmost detail.” You could listen to Hannibal talk all day, it wouldn't matter what he said you just like the way he said things, the timbre of his voice. “Have you ever given thought to travelling?” He prodded.    “Course, who doesn't think about travelling? See far off places, experience new people, new things, different cultures.” You reminisce.    “What stops you?”     You shrug a little. “Funds mainly but I'd want to take the time to learn the language of where I'm going, understand the culture so I don't offend anyone. I don't want to be one of those tourists that makes an ass out of themselves.” You said cringing at the end.    “It's considerate to take the time to understand a culture you will not live in, many go on whims like they're visiting amusement parks.” He agreed. “Would Italy be a place you'd like to visit or would you find their taste for religion leaving a sour taste in your mouth?” He asked.    Did you really think you'd get out of a question Hannibal wanted answered? You shrugged a little once again trying to make sure you phrase things that wouldn't step on toes that were in shoes that likely cost more than your rent. “I'm unsure...I don't know if my broader and more open views would be welcome in the narrower scope of such a religious place and I wouldn't want to impose myself or my views upon anyone.” You slowly clamber out as he pours two cups of what smells like incredibly coffee. “Thank you.” You quickly add as you take it from his hands.    “While I do know you enough to welcome you into my home, I'm not sure if I know you well enough to know of the open views you believe would be scrutinized under the gaze of the Church. Do you speak a broader view of all religions? Racial rights? Sexual appetite?”     You stomach almost leaps into your throat at the last question, talking sexual appetites with someone who could feed that said appetite for the rest of your life? How were you supposed to talk about that? You didn't want to impose but you certainly didn't want to miss any chance of feeding that appetite. “All of the above, you know?” You pitch at first. “I'm a big believer in religious freedoms for everyone, from anywhere--just freedom for everyone in general.” You tackle first, that's the more important one and the one that won't get you into any trouble. “And um--yeah I suppose my sexual appetite wouldn't please the Church.” You say with a small laugh breaking your gaze from Hannibal and down at your coffee cup. “Not exactly a born again virgin.” Smooth. Great job. Wow. Fuck. Maybe you could drown yourself in this coffee? You take a sip and to spite being too shy to ask for sugar or milk this coffee is great, actually smooth. Unlike you. “This is great, what is this?” You try.    Why do you try? He always notices, you're luckier than you know that it endlessly amuses him rather than annoys him. “It's Peaberry Coffee from Tanzania, it's a rounder sweeter bean, almost tea like.” He explains, allowing for a moment for you to believe you've somehow fooled him into letting his prior question go thoroughly unanswered. “It can take a more refined palette to taste all the notes.” He remarks.    “I don't know how refined mine is, I just know it's nice.”

You admit with a small laugh.    “Usually our tongues know more than we think, close your eyes and allow the flavours to dance over your tongue.” He instructed.    Hannibal could tell you to jump off a cliff and if he said it nice enough you probably would. You take a small breath and take another sip and try your damnest to impress Hannibal if only even a little but as you swallow you know your guesses are little more than shots in the dark. “It's sweet...kind of like a berry...?” You weakly pitch.    You're not wrong but Hannibal can tell your guess isn't confident. “Do you know you have a habit of coming in on yourself when you're unsure of what you're saying?” He asks letting you know he's been on to you for much longer than you would have hoped. He comes around from his large kitchen island to stand in front of you and you fight the urge to step back and away which only adds to how hard your heart beats in your chest. “Coming in on ones self allows negative neurons to fire, by simply lifting your head you'll allude more confidence and though red looks lovely on you so does that.” That compliment alone made your head spin so his next action of bringing his warm hand up to gently lift your head? Your entire body felt weak. It was laughable that the simple touch of his thumb resting on your chin and his forefinger below it could have such an effect on you, looking up at him him with unsure eyes as to where this went next was laughable to him. You were putty in his hands, vulnerable in every meaning of the word. "Try again, close your eyes and when you take a sip allow it to work around your mouth, to explore every inch of your tongue.”    Was this porn? This could be porn, this might as well be porn as far as your body was concerned apparently. It took you a moment to actually get your limbs to move and grab your coffee again and it felt good to close your eyes, you liked Hannibal but being so close and having him stare back at you was overwhelming. And he knew it, there was something very satisfying about your kind of vulnerability, it was raw and open for him to touch and mold with his hands. You brought the cup to your lips and took another sip and once again tried to find a defined note in this coffee and maybe it was having your head tilted up, maybe it was having him so close but an answer did come from your mouth. “Cedar?”    Opening your eyes you knew you'd gotten it right by the contented look you were rewarded with. "I had a hunch your tongue knew more than you were letting on.” He teased.    He let his thumb trail back and forth on your chin before moving it away and your head felt like it was floating. “What does your tongue taste? I'm sure it's much more experienced than mine.”     You're sure if you didn't feel so floaty such a blatantly flirty question wouldn't have come out of you but it seemed to fly just fine as a small amused breath made it's way out of him. “Your assumption would be correct.” He let you know. “The notes in this coffee I've become very acquainted with over the years so it wouldn't be much of an exercise in taste for me to tell you them all. Perhaps another breakfast we could expand upon both our tongues.” Your entire body clenched and you had to practically drown out your whine of want by taking a sip of your coffee. “For now we'll be expanding on yours, come, wash up I'll show you how to make uova al purgatorio, a taste from my past.” He said walking back around the kitchen island.    You follow him around the island and with one last sip put your empty coffee cup into the sink. --- ~Admin Coral 🍒 Buy Me A Coffee?

[flobro]

Omovember 2020

Day One - In a Vehicle

Kageyama x Reader

Kageyama’s PoV 

Could i get any stupider?

In the rush of Hinata, Y/n and I finishing our tests, scrambling into Tanaks sisters car and setting off immediately for Tokyo I hadnt had time to pee.

Hinata was sat in the front passenger seat as Y/n and I were in the back of the car.

To make matters even worse, i had a huge crush on Y/n and the nerves of sitting next to her were bugging my bladder even more.

I tried to keep my breathing steady because i knew that if i panicked things would only get even worse for my nerves.

I wasnt too desperate yet but the need was still there. We had only been driving for about ten minuets so i definitely couldnt ask how much longer we had to drive yet otherwise everyone would definitely know something was wrong with me.

I crossed my legs which seemed to ease the pressure a little bit and made everything a bit more bearable and i tried to focus my mind on anything but my need to pee.

I jumped slightly as Y/n tapped my shoulder five minuets later and i felt my bladder twinge slightly, making me squeeze my thighs together as descretely as i could.

‘Whats up?’ I asked Y/n, who sent me a stunning smile.

‘You look bored, you wanna listen to some music with me?’ She asked, holding out one of her earbuds to me.

I nodded and shakily grabbed the headphone, ‘Yeah, thanks.’

She just nodded, ‘No problem!’

We had to shuffle slightly closer to eachother so that the earphones could reach to both of our ears and i couldnt help but notice how my seatbelt uncomfortablely pressed down onto my bladder, making my desperation go from a 4/10 to a 7/10.

Hinata and Saeko (Tanakas sister) were chatting happily about volleyball and the tiny giant in the front seats and i was glad that they werent focused on me because then i would feel even more pressured.

Another fifteen minuets had passed and I had tried my best to get lost in Y/n’s music but now my bladder was almost at its maximum capacity and i was beginning to shuffle around a bit, squeezing my thighs together as tight as possible.

Y/n looked at me and yanked the headphone wire, making them fall out of both of our ears.

Y/n went closer to my ear and whispered, ‘Hey, are you okay? You seem uncomfortable?’

My body shivered at the feeling of her breath on my skin and it relaxed my body for a second, making a bit of urine leak out of me.

I gasped and crammed my hands onto my crotch, tensing my body up again, stopping the flow as fast as i possibly could.

Y/n’s eyes widened in realisation and i blushed a deep red, hiding my face away from her, waiting for her to tell me how disgusting and gross i am.

But she didnt...

Instead, she placed a hand comfortingly on my shoulder, her touch making my heart rate speed up even more.

‘Is there anything i can do to help you?’ She whispered to me once again, continuing to keep her voice low so Saeko and Hinata wouldnt ask questions.

I shook my head and tried to calm myself down. There was no way in hell that i was gonna show myself up in front of the girl i like by acting like a four year old.

‘N-no,’ I said, trying to act as calm as possible, ‘Im f-fine dont worry.’

She didnt look like she believed me so i slowly removed my hands from between my legs to try and prove that i wasnt as desperate as it seemed.

Bad idea.

As soon as i took my hands away, another bit of urine left me and i gasped once again, putting my hands back onto my crotch.

This time the flow was harder to control and i knew that there was a 99% chance that there would be a wet patch on my shorts.

Saeko and Hinata must have heard me gasp because their conversation stopped abruptly.

‘You okay back there?’ Sakeo asked and i felt my throat dry up.

Hinata began to turn around to look at us and Y/n and I both panicked, knowing he would see my obvious state of desperation.

Y/n suddenly unclipped her seatbelt and laid accross my lap gently, covering up my crossed legs and hiding my odd hand placement.

Her arm momentarily dug into my stomach, pressing on my overfilled bladder, forcing a two second stream of urine out of me which i painfully cut off, knowing that my boxers were almost fully soaked now.

‘How come your laid down, Y/n?’ Hinata asked her and she sighed.

‘I just feel a bit car sick,’ She said, ‘Do you know how long it will be until we get to Tokyo?’

*Slick* I thought to myself. She had somehow managed to cover up the fact i was about to pee myself AND had a good reason to ask how long it would take until we would arrive.

Hinata frowned, ‘Oh thats not good, i hope you feel better soon!’ and turned back around to look out of the front window.

‘We will arrive in half an hour but were gonna be on this stretch of road for another twenty minuets and wont see another place to stop for a while.’ Saeko said, sounding worried about Y/n.

Y/n frowned at me and sat up again, ‘Okay dont worry, im feeling a bit better after lying down but when we come across a place to stop it would be nice to be stationary for a while.’

Saeko chuckled slightly, ‘Okie dokie! Ill keep that in mind for you!’

Y/n mustve seen the tears in my eyes and my expression showing that i had completely lost hope as she placed an arm around my shoulders, hugging my side for a second before whispering, ‘Sorry i couldnt help you much. Dont stress out, we’ll find a stop for you. You’ll be okay.’

I got butterflies in my stomach from her touch but i ignored them, not wanting to focus on anything else other than holding myself in.

Y/n clipped herself back into her seat and I decided that i would have to speak up. Y/n already knew and Saeko wouldnt make fun of me. Surely i could just scare Hinata into keeping his mouth shut too.

‘C-can you drive a-any faster?’ I shakily asked, panic evident in my voice, ‘I r-really need t-the bathroom.’

Saeko immediately sped the car up, ‘Ill drive as fast as i can. We’ll reach a stop in about fifteen minuets. Can you last?’

I felt a single tear roll down my cheek, feeling pathetic and stupid, ‘I... I d-dont know!’

‘Its usually me who need to pee.’ Hinata said from his seat, making me bubble with anger.

‘S-shut up idiot! This i-isnt funny!’ I growled at him, unable to make my voice any louder.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, putting all my energy into keeping my muscles tensed as much as i possibly could.

My eyes widened as my body began to relax itsself against my will.

‘No... NO.. NO!’ I panicked, ‘YOU N-NEED TO PULL THE C-CAR OVER!’

Saeko quickly turned the wheel and brought the car to the side of the road and i unclipped my seatbelt, threw the door open, and scrambled out of the car.

As soon as i got out i immediately crumbled onto the floor, my legs giving out underneath me as my lap began to feel warm.

Wow. I had really gone and done it hadnt i? I pissed myself in front of my senpais sister, annoying volleyball partner AND my crush. Could it have been any worse?

My shorts were completely soaked and a puddle had began to grow around me. I couldnt even bring myself to try and stop it because my body felt so weak.

No amount of embarassment would ever compare to what i was feeling in that moment. I didnt even want to begin to imagine what Saeko, Hinata and Y/n were thinking of me.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and i kept my head down so no one would be able to see my face.

It took at least a minute for my bladder to fully empty. I felt so pathetic and dumb but there was nothing i could do other than just sit there and wait for myself to be finished.

A pair of shoes came into my line of vision and i looked up slowly to see Y/n with her hand stretched out to me, offering to help me up.

I looked away from her quickly, my voice barely above a whisper, ‘You s-shouldnt touch m-me. Im a-all gross. Even m-my hands.’

She crouched down and placed a hand on my cheek, wiping away one of my tears and making me look up at her, my face even redder.

‘I dont care. Dont stress about it okay? Its a human need. There wasnt anything you could do to avoid it.’ She said in a calm and genuine voice.

I nodded and she grabbed my slightly damp hand. I glanced at her face and she want even slightly disgusted.

I stood up and Y/n kept her hand laced with mine.

We got back into the car, I was sat on a towel. Saeko said that she didnt mind and strangely Hinata hadnt even mentioned it which i was thankful for. Although everyone was being very calm and unaffected by it, i still felt mortified. 

Y/n suddenly lent over to me to whisper in my ear one last time, ‘Dont worry about it so much. Ill always have a crush on you.’

My face reddened as i looked at her, ‘I h-have a c-crush on you too.’ 

Y/n giggled, ‘I guess that makes me your girlfriend then.’

~~~~~~~~~~

hey guys !!

this was my first time writing an omofic so i hope you liked it !!!

~ flobro 

[freshstartbaby]

Un

🎧 Body - Syd

I watched my house, cardbord on the ground, like me, leg crossed. White walls, a little smell of vinegar. Thats what I used to finally clean up everything.

Why do I feel like shit ? I mean one part of me cant wait to be in my new place. But the other ? I really feel like I kind of failed here. I got a job, two to be exact, I can provide for myself. I got few friends and thats it. I was wondering if my mum will ever know if I left the town. Maaaan I got to stop overthinking.

It was 8pm and I was waiting for Theo's call. Thanks to god he told me he will help me wih the moving. His help was so precious. Like always. My phone rang with « Theo 🤍 » on my screen . I picked up

« Sup mister T » I said softly « Hi Rob, you good ? » he answered « I am actually, and you ? » « Good. So you really goin to leave me, you know you can still change your mind » « No way, but you know you will still be in my mind » « And in your heart. Who do you think you are ? » he started to joke « Man where are you ? » I said rolling my eyes with a smile on face « There is a litlle bit of traffic. I be there in 10 minutes. But I think the man who will help us is already there. I fowarded him your number. Did he call ? »

I checked my phone, no missed call

« Nah he didn't » « Ok, get ready I be there soon » « Thank tou Theo » « Everything for you » he hang up

I shook my head slowley left to right. He was so kind to me. He can't be real. Me and Theo knew ourself since 8 years now. He was there to help and provide when no one could. He always was very protective and he is actually the one who gave me my first job: dancer in a club. It wasn't my goal job but I could dance and it will help me paying my bills. Few years later he also refered me in company to work as a personnal assistant. I managed myself to then become a communication assistant. When you look clother, without him, I probably will end up as a cracked or worse.

When we met I was 16 and he was 22. It was a very protective relationship. But the older we get, the akward it became. I mean physically he turned to a man as i turned to a young women. And even if he always shows me mad respect, the way he was watching and talking to me changed. Not in a bad way, but I could feel there was more. I aint gon lie, he is good looking, got money and got pure heart. But i couldnt wiling to lost him if we turned into a relationship. He was one of few people around me. Aint ready to loose one of them.

When I told him that I decided to move in LA, maaaan, he wasn't down for it. But as always, he helped me. He got fews relations so we find a cute flat quickly than I thought. The place was smooth and warm. We flew to LA to visit it, and i actually loved it. So now here I am waiting for a friend of his to move my stuff to LA. Let me get it straight. I aint no baby. I can take care of myself. But when it comes to Theo, he always wants to help. And I aint gonna lie, it feel good to be take care of.

The ring belled, I stood up to open the door. He looked at me, I looked at him.

« Can I help you ? » rising an eyebrow acting like I didn't know him « Stop playing » he said moving in my place « Hi » I said to the man following Theo « Robyn this is Eric, Eric this The New York leaver »

I rolled my eyes and shook my head slowly. Eric and Theo helped me to put my stuff in the truck. It was quickly made thanks to them. Also even if I hadnt much things I droped a lot. Eric told me that they will arrive the next monday in my new place. I thanked him as he left when I felt someone behind me. I turned around found Theo on his phone.

« First of all you didn't say hi »

I pulled him softly in a hug. His hands wrapped my shoulder as he kissed my cheek softly

« Then tell me where do I drop you ? » he said « Alex's place » « Lets go »

He put my suitcase in his trunck and we headed to Alexendra's place. I sold my car few weeks before so he proposed me to drop me where I needed yesterday.

Alexandra is one of my best friend. She's like a sister to be honest. We know each other for like forever and she always be down for me. Im stayin at her place tonight so I can catch my flight tommorow.

The road was silent but confortable. Theo and I like to be quiet sometines. We're the type of people who arent afraid of silence. As we arrived to Alexendra's place we stayed a little in the car.

« You need help with the suit case ? » « Na Im good, but thank you. Thank you for everything. It means a lot» I look at him « Stop saying this like its a goodbye » « Im not » « You better »

We pulled into a thight hug «You know I'm always be around and if you need to come back my door is open» « I hope it will be fine dont say that »

He look at me kiss my cheek and said

« Take care » « You too Theo »

I got off the car, took my suitcase and watched him leave. As we disapear on the corner I called Alex.

« Yes baby » « Im here, remind me your code » « You still dont remember it, you do it on purpose » « Guuuurl what is it ?» « 7110 » « Thank youuuuuu »

I taped the code and got to her place

« Sup baby » « Wassup baby, how you doin ?» « Good and you ? » « Everything is alright, I mean my best friend is leaving in an another town but Im good » « Guuuurl, it is for the better » « I know that, Im just getting emotional » « Dont do that » « Im trying, I swear ! How did you came ? You took a uber ? » « Nah, Theo droped me »

She set down on her large cozy couch eying me with a small smile

« What ? » I asked « Noooothing ! » she tapped the place next to her so I can take place « You just goin to sit down and tell me what's popin between you and this white daddy, finally» she said swith a smirk « Nothing is popin, I already told you that » i said sitting next to her « But you got to admit he is good lookin » « I never said he isnt » « Maybe a little bit skinny but he is still handsome » « He is. » « So he never try to own that » she said pointing at myself « And dont try to tell me no, I saw him plenty time trying to get you. » « Alex, it is not goin to hape- « «  Whyyyyyyyy » « Because I dont want to » I said laughin « GURL IS YOU GAY ?» « Oh my god. Alexendra. » «  No because if you are it is ok. But you need to tell me, so I can introduce him to friend of mine. Its such a waste » « Whatever » I said looking at her smiling

This girl is so crazy. Full of good vibe. Always pushing me to my best. She is fam yall. Our phones started buzzing at the same time. It was a whatsap phone call from our conversation « Mexico 🥵 ».

With some friends we decided to go on a trip to Mexico. For the big part, I knew them from school or club. As we grew older all of us took different ways but still got mad love for eachother. This week trip was the way to link up. I didnt knew some people like David, Florian and Veronica but everything went well during the organisation so I wasnt « afraid » that they were annoying.

The trip is next Monday so we schedule this video chat to make a last check. With all the stuff with my moving I almost forget about this call. Alex and I were together so I decided not to answer from my phone and step clother to her so we can both be on her screen

« Hi » « Wassup beauties » Alexander says

We all said hi to each other and waited to see if someone was missing.

« Who is missing » I asked « Flo is not here » Betty said « Damn this sleeping guy, let me text him » Alexander answered

As he decided to text him, a new window poped in our screen revealing a big white man shirtless, it seems like he was in his bed.

« My bad, sorry for my lateness, wassup guys » he said in a low voice

I looked at the screen, then at Alex, then the screen again and falled into the catch moving my hand to show to Alex that this man was foooine

We giggle few seconds before getting back to our serious faces.

« Florian that is it ? » Alex asked « Yup » « Time is money you owe us all a drink when we get to the mexico » « Maaaan dont play me like that, I was taking a nap, gym killed me today» he said

Of course he was goin to the gym, look at this chest. I tried to fix my self when we all talked for like an hour about last informations, who will arrive when, who shares room, what type of activites we wanted to do. I cant wait for this trip to be honest. I dont travel that much. I could release the stress from my moving, my new job and the new town I will be living in.

« Rob you still in New York ?» Michael asked « Yeees, my fligt is tomorrow » « Where you goin ? » Betty asked « Moving to LA » I said softly « LA GANG MY MAN ! » Florian shouted « Thats great, really big move » Alexander said « Finger crossed » Veronica « Dont worry, as wherever it will be ok if you work hard enough » Florian said « Oh dont worry she is a hard worker » Alex said miming a blow job

I snaped her head as everyone shared an hard laugh. Few minutes later we hang up. I went to the bathroom, washed myself, my tooth and changed myself in something more confortable. I went back to the living room and find Alexandra on the phone. By the way she was smiling and laughing I could tell it was Alexander. Yeah. This gurl find a boyfriend with the same name. That's kind of cute but it's also so corny. She hanged up, stood uo and went to the kitchen

« Sooooo » « What do you want again ? » i said a smirk in my face « I was wondering » she looked at me with a vicious smile « What is it Alex ? » « Are you down for some dick in Mexico » « You are something else you know that » « Im just asking ! There will be latino guys, foreigner and gurl this man Florian, he is free like the wind » «How do you know that ? » « I asked Alexander » « Mmmmh » « Mmmmh ? Gurl when is the lastime you had a man making you feel right ? I aint talking about relationship because that is another level and I know you trying to put yourself first since...» « Yea no. I'm not ready but let me think » « The fact that you have to think is not ok, you know that if the sexual frustration is not evacueted it can damaged you » « I got toys dont worry » I said putting my finger in a peace sign while im leaving the kitchen

I went to her guest bedroom, sitted on the bed and put my durag on. After sliding under the sheets I did my breath exercise so I could fall asleep faster but I couldn't. It was these exercises or sleeping pills. But I try to use them less and less since few month. They knocked me hard to hard man. After 30 minutes of try, I took my phone and opened Instagram. I scrolled my screen without being focused at all, laugh at fews memes and double tap some post. I tought about what Alex told me. It's true. It been a while since I havent give a man his chance. It didn't went well the last time. Ok here we go overthinking. I shook my hand thinking of how dumb I was when I tought about Florian. He was fine its true but you know men are trash. At least men I have a crush on 😭. I tapped « florian » in the research bar to see if I could find him. I didn't. Im defenatly not a FBI member. I will ask to Alex tomorrow, or not, it's not a good idea.

——-

I was hugging Alexandra thighly at the airport. The voice called the passagers of my flight to get ready.

« I'm goin to miss you crazy ass » I whispered « I'm goin to miss you more Robyn, but stop being weak before I start crying » « Come on aint nobody goin to cry » I push her shoulder « we're tough girls remember ? » « Yea but I wrote you a letter » she gave me a letter as I look at her ready to make fun of her « You wrote me a letter, you must be in love with me » « Of course I am, yo you're my friend soulmate » « Ok you gon make me cry now » « Go get your flight »

I tried to open the letter when she took my hand

« The fuck is you doin, you have to read it in your flight, or when you arrive to your new place but not now » « Okaaaaaaay mrs emotional »

I kissed her cheek and grabed my suit case before leaving

« See you in Tulum baby ! »

I put a peace sign above my head a went take my flight.

As I settled in my seat, I leaned my head back to the couch. Here we go baby. You can do this. You got this. It's goin to be fine. I was motivated myself when my phone buzzed. I watched my phone screen and see that Theo sent me a vocal. I put my AirPods on tap on my screen to listen his whatsap vocal message.

James. Theo James. : « You're in the plane ? »

I send him a quick answer

Robyn ✨: Yup 🛫

James. Theo James. : Ok

I watched the screen as I saw « James. Theo James is writing » when a big as message droped. Oh my god. He is goin to make me cry. Or worse. I rubbed my forehead before start reading.

James. Theo James. :

« Robyn. My baby. I know your flight is getting ready to take off. So I'm writing this to you so you can be ready for this new page.

Im goin to tell you this, and ear me out when I say: You got this.

You're smart, kind, open minded,fierce, talented, reliable, honest and a fighter. I know life ain't did good to you lately, and it's destroying me to see you leave but baby it's a fresh start. Leave all the madness, the pain and the self doubt where you at because LA is goin to be fire baby. No more drama, no more pathetic boyfriend, no more struggling. Put yourself above everything, because you deserve it. Keep your mental healthy. Communicate more, talk free and never be afraid to make people to ear your voice.

As I always say to you, even if the blood don't link us, you mean the world to me. Whenever you need anything blow my phone. I will always have an eye on you even if I know you are and you are becoming a boss a bitch woman every single day.

I know you are goin to kill it.

Text me when you arrive to your new home

I will come visit you in few months

Theo 🤍 »

I closed my eyes, bitted my lips and hold my phone on my chest. Don't cry, don't cr- too late. Tears were all over my face as I try to mute myself. Even I tried to hide it, I was feeling shitty. And those words just gave me the feeling of being discovered. I don't know how it was possible. Even if Theo and I were closed I have difficulties to talk out when I'm not feeling myself. And with this message I knew that all this time he knew how I felt but give me my space.

LA be good to me please.

—-

🎧 1 pound - Brymo

The sunlight woke me this morning. I really need to buy curtains. I mean in the rest of the place it's not that important, but wake this way is so uncomfortable. I like the darkness in my bedroom you know ? And all this light, god chill out 🤣

I stood up and head ou to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. I watched the board where I wrote my to do list yesterday night. Yeaaaa i'm trying to be more disciplined woman. I mean organized but sometimes I get too lazy. Like if I invented the word lazy myself.

End the bathroom Shopping at the supermarket Look for a car End the suitcase Work out (you can do this)

I laugh at myself knowing that I will probably not doing the last one. I washed my dishes and turn on the speaker to get in a better mood. I clean a little some stuff since there was still some cardboard here and there. I find myself dancing in front the big mirror in one of the corridor when my phone rang. I didn't know the number so I turned of the music and clear my throat.

« Robyn Matthew, how can I help you » « Hi Robyn this is William. I am with Olivia, you're on speaker. How are you ? » « Hello Robyn »

Ow my new bosses.

« Oh hello to both of you, I'm great thank you to ask. How about you two ? » « We're good ourself thank you. Have you settled yet ? » « Mmh there is still few unopened cardboards but I'm good » « Good to ear that » « You will love LA » Olivia said « I hope so, how can I help you ? » « Well Robyn we were wondering, sorry to ask again but weren't you supposed to start today ?»

My eyes grew wide as my eyebrow start dancing. I wasn't supposed to start today hell no

« I don't think so, I mean I asked to the RH department to postponed my arrival since I have a trip planned » « Oh my baaaaaaaaaad » Olivia shooted « What is it » he asked to Olivia I think « I totally forgot to tell you, Cindy told me few weeks ago but it disappeared from my mind »

My heart stoped racing fast when I told them

« You scared me ! » « I'm so sorry Robyn, William I'm sorry too » « Oh it's ok, you owe us a coffe when she arrives » « Deal » she said laughing « You better note that, or you will forget it too » « Very funny » « Anyway sorry to have bothered you Robyn » William said « It's fine » « Where are you going ? » Olivia asked « Sorry ? » « You said you are goin on a trip, where is it ? »

I twisted my face. How is that suppposed to concern them ? Robyn stay open, be nice, they're just trying to be nice.

« Tulum » « Oh Mexico, well lucky you » « Oh my god, I wish I could have holidays to a place like this » « Anyway Robyn, enjoy you're trip and come back to us resourced. You can't wait to work with you » « Thank you, see you soon » « Bye »

I hang up, a weird feeling in my guts. I mean they were nice. But I'm not really use to have this kind of conversation with my bosses. I tought that they were a good duo both of them. I find myself a little anxious about having two bosses but it's goin to be fine.

Im goin to tell you this, and ear me out when I say: You got this.

I got this. I wanted to turn back on the music. So I scrolled my screen when I saw an Instagram notification.

@bignasty wants to follow you

My face twisted again. Big nasty ? What the hell is that. I'm sure this is a porn count, or a pervet who will try to slide in my Dm. So many weird people on social medias. Thanks god the private button exists so I can control borders 😂 I clicked on it when I saw his face.

Wow.

I took few step back to my couch as my hand was on my chest. Jesus Christ. I found myself put my hand on my mouth so I don't scream and laugh akwardly. God. It was Florian. I mean I think. No no no it was him. How can you forget a face like this. I hold my breath as scrolled down his feed. This man was... l have no word. I rubbed my eyes trying to get back to earth, with a big dumb smile on my face when my phone rang

Xandra 💍 is calling

I picked up and put her on the speaker. I said hi to her in a low voice, I was feeling like I'm out of breath

« GUUUUUUUURL » she screamed « Wassup » « Did Florian asked you on Ig ? » « He did. » « GIRRRL DID YOU SAW THESE PICTURES ?!!!! » « Alexandra, i was checking him when you called » « GURRRRRRL IF YOU DONT EAT HIM ON THIS TRIP I'M KILLING YOU »

I start rubbing my eye again. He was something else. God. Why do I feel this. Then I found myself playing with my finger, where my engagement ring used to be.

It gave me a quick reminder.

« Ok he is super hot, but don't count on me for that » « You're such a child when you act like that. You know what, I'm sure you pantie is already soaking looking at his pic, so just wait. When he is goin in front of you there will be no « don't count on me for that » » « shut up » « Have you end your suite case ? » « Not yet, I think it will be handle this evening» « Ok look listen to me wisely. I don't know what you choose but switch it all up with sexiest stuff » « I'm tired of you »

We stayed on the phone for like an hour. You know how it is when besties are on the phone. All the day she kept teasing me with Florian but I didn't give attention. But I wanted to make her laugh a little so I teased her with a screen and a meme

She hit me back with a message 

« gurl this is too much, you really goin to miss this chance »

What chance ? He just followed me on Instagram. I didn't even accept him yet. He must have a girlfriend, or be a fuck boy. Maybe is he gay. Ok Robyn overthinking AGAIN. It's goin to be cute holidays. I don't want to mess this up.

—— 3836 words

Wassup guys ?

How do you feel about this beginning ?

Is everything understable ? I'm French so you know you girl is struggling a little 🙈

Do not hesitate to give me feedbacks, react, and all that stuff

Next step, Tulum baby 🥵

Take care

NEXT PART

[strongsassysexysloane]

I Should Hate You

I was in a mood. Feelings come out and this was the result.  . . . . . . . 

"That was a mistake." As soon as the words left Jack's mouth, she instantly saw the dagger leave her lips and stab you in the chest. She couldn't do this. It was too easy and that scared the hell out of her. The last time she fell this hard for someone her heart got ripped out and stomped on and she wasn't going to go through that again. She'd built this life, this wall and she couldn't let anyone in but you'd managed to slide in between the cracks with your sweet smile, flushed cheeks and soft touches.  

"If that's how you feel." You whispered, you wanted to bury yourself under ten blankets, hell, one hundred blankets wouldn't even help at this point. She was lying naked in your bed, breathing deeply, it had only been minutes from the most amazing sex you'd ever had. It wasn't even the high of the orgasm that had you feeling so blissful, it was the connection, the emotion you both shared, you connected so deeply at least that's what you thought.  

. . . . . Hours Earlier . . . . .  

The night had started out like any other Friday night after you'd wrapped up the current case and went out for drinks with the team. Jack had walked in at the perfect moment as she usually did and you couldnt help but ask her, almost beg her, to come along as she was clearly not in the mood for drinks. She'd been busy all week, dealing with several different investigations plus helping Vance with the quarterly evals had her swamped. She had mentioned earlier in the day when you caught a moment with her, in her office, that she had a bottle of Shiraz waiting at home with a nice hot bath that her name written all over it. But she couldn't resist your puppy dog eyes and she stated that, out loud, which gave you an extra pep in your step when you left the office. She'd called you out on it, so had Ellie but you didn't care. It worked.  

Gibbs left after one drink, claiming his boat had been neglected enough this week and none of you challenged him. McGee joined him, saying he wanted to spend time with his family and there was no arguing with that. After they left the drinks kept coming and the laughter, flirts and long glances became more and more obvious between you and Jack. Once Jack left to buy another round of whatever you were drinking, you'd lost track at this point, Ellie and Nick couldn't help but state the obvious.  

"You two are totally into each other!" Nick bounced in his seat, he was too preoccupied with whatever was on his plate this week to notice that your flirts with Jack had been very obvious. Even Ellie told you on Wednesday night that Gibbs was starting to notice but something had changed in your attitude to not care. If he had an issue with it, he'd tell you or just glare at you. Either or you didn't mind. You really liked Jack and she seemed to like you too.  

You watched Jack at the bar chatting with the bartender before you turned back to reply to Nick's comment and look at Ellie's smirk. "Think the alcohol is helping a lot." You shrug and watch as Jack walks back to the table. She was sitting on the opposite side of the booth, beside Ellie, before she left but now, she slipped in next to you which the close contact caused you to clear your throat. She handed you your drink with a smirk. "Perfect." You hummed; your eyes heavy from the alcohol but looked at Jack while you took a long swallow of your beverage. Her eyes didn't leave yours; she even had the audacity to flick her tongue out and dampen her lips while looking you directly in the eye.  

"Well, I don't know about you Nick but I think this'll be my last drink. We have goat yoga in the morning. You can't get out of it this time!" Your eyes left Jack's once you placed the glass back on the table and watched as Nick was contemplating arguing with his partner but you could see he was beyond tired and couldn't argue even if he wanted to.  

"Fine.” He took a large sip, emptying half of his drink in the process. "We really need to find a more enjoyable thing to do on a weekend." He saw everyone's eyebrows raise at his statement and you could see the regret and laughter in his eyes.  

"I go to a kick boxing class whenever I have a Saturday free and can be motivated to get up early enough. It's actually quite close to your goat yoga class." Jack hums, seeing the panic on Nick's face. You laugh at his panic now trying to think of a good excuse to get out of that suggestion because you could see Ellie was about to jump all over that idea.  

"I've always loved boxing. Did it for a while when I was at the NSA to let off a bit of steam when I couldn't think straight. Stopped classes when work became less routine at NCIS." Her lips twitched, showing her frustration about the loss of stress relief. You knew she had a small punching bag at her apartment for the really bad days but always said having a sparring partner was best. You never wanted to be on the other end of her bad days so you managed to get out of it up until now. Now it looked like it was time for Nick to pick up the mantle. He looked as pleased about it as you were the first time she asked.  

"But isn't the class like females only or something? Wouldn't be fair pairing a woman against a man. The difference in-" He stopped all too late when he looked around at the woman glaring back at him, waiting for him to really put his foot further into the hole he'd just dug with his words.  

"Oh, please continue Nicholas. Difference in?" You choked on your drink with Jack's words and venom behind them. You may be all drunk but this wasn't going to go away as quickly as Nick hoped it would.  

"There's clear muscle difference between me and Bishop?" He tried, he so tried to make it sound better than it did. You almost felt sorry for the guy now sitting beside the angriest woman in the bar.  

"Only muscle with a have difference is our tongues and mine knowing when to shut up. We are going to this class and I'll show you that your tight shirt and toned abs has no difference from mine and how I use them." You winced at her attempt of a comeback. It had its points but the alcohol definitely hindered its impact and delivery.

"Your tight shirts and abs?" Nick smirked but it faded quickly.  

"If you noticed." Ellie's quick wit was on point tonight and you coughed down your drink. Jack's hand came up and patted you on the back, the light taps sent electric shocks to your system but what had you sit up straighter was that her hand never left once you stopped coughing. It rested on the small of your back, her fingers curled around your hip, keeping her hand in place. You watched Ellie as she downed the rest of her drink and got up, splaying out her hand for Nick to take.  Nick downed his drink quickly.

You watched as they walked out of the bar, hand in hand with no care in the world. You wondered if they were going back to Ellie's place together but that thought was far from your mind when Jack's hand moved slightly and her body shifted more into your side. You leant into her sudden movement and she relaxed against you once more.  

"You want a refill?" She was happily and teasingly watching your every move. She loved watching you, loved the way your emotions controlled your features before you got control of them. She noticed it a lot when you two were alone, probably because you had less control over them around her and she loved it.  

"You paying?" You smirked, turning your head more so you were almost nose to nose. Being that close sent shivers down your spine but you made no attempt to move and neither did she.  

"You haven't paid for one drink tonight and this was your idea. Begging me to come out for drinks when I had a perfectly good bottle of wine at home." Her eyes flicking between your lips and your eyes. You let your tongue slip out for a second, drawing her eyes back to your mouth. Your lips were all of a sudden very dry, she was so close, you could just lean forward a centimeter and noses would touch, lips so close.  

"Thought it was my puppy dog eyes that had you coming. I never mentioned buying you drinks." You'd be lying if you didn't notice her eyes widen and darken at your words. Your legs shifted, squeezing together more and apparently that was an invitation for Jack to slip her free hand onto your thigh, running it up too high and down again softly. This was definitely way past being extra friendly.  

"That's no way to turn a girl on." She breathed, watching you control your shock and lust. It was hard with several alcoholic beverages in your system and her being so touchy feely.  

"Think you got that under control, Jacqueline." You leant forward, burying your face into her curls, seeking out her neck and you smirked when you felt her tilt her head back slightly. You found the skin you were seeking and left open wet kisses against her skin until she was moaning under your touch. Her hand on your thigh tightened, her nails digging into your jeans. "Still want that drink?" You murmured against her skin, trailing wet kisses up her neck, nipping at her earlobe and she moaned louder this time. You so wanted to kiss her lips but this just seemed like the crazier, more passionate option.  

"You got a drink at your place?" She moaned when you sucked her lobe between your lips and you did it over again to hear that moan from deep within her crawl out. Her fingers digging deeper into your thigh and you squeezed your legs together in response.  

Feeling your thigh move under her touch, she loosened her grip and trailed her hand up, running her fingers too lightly over your inner thigh until her thumb rubbed not so gently against your centre.  

"God, yes." You couldn't help but grind against her hand. It was involuntary but your mind had walked out the door with Ellie and Nick.  

Jack smirked, your lips leaving her skin when she moved her thumb in a circular motion, causing you to falter. "Then let’s go." She slipped her hand out from between your thighs and you moaned at the sensation it left in its wake. Your eyes followed her hand, up her arm, shoulder and found her lustful glazed eyes looking down at you.  

"The quicker we leave the quicker I can -" You jumped up before she could finish, not wanting those words to be heard by anyone else but you. She laughed at your response, loved watching what she could do to you. The alcohol was very much still driving both your actions but neither of you seemed to care right now. This was what everything had been leading up to over the past few months. All the touches, winks, flirtatious comments thrown back and forth. Your want had been building for months and so had hers. Your hand and imagination were never going to live up to this moment.  

She had you pressed against the wall outside the bar before the Uber had a chase to agree to the contract. Her lips seeking yours, nipping at your bottom lip, sucking it between hers and devouring you all together. Your hands gripped at her jacket at her waist, trying to find some balance there but she was crushing you, demanding entrance between your lips and her tongue gliding and exploring your mouth. A moan ripped out from your lips, she pulled back heaving for breath but you didn't give her enough time, crashing your lips back to hers, she could use your air for all you cared. You couldn't get enough of her now. You feared, hoped you never would.  

You managed to keep your hands mostly to yourselves in the Uber, the driver was friendly, Jack struck up a semi coherent conversation with him for the short distance to your place while her hand glided along your thigh, keeping you both on edge.  

The trail up to your apartment was another story entirely. Your hands slipping under her blouse, her moans and cries swallowed by your lips. Luckily your apartment was on the bottom floor and you managed to open the door straight away by some miracle with Jack's lips attached to your neck. Her tongue came out to sooth the red skin but that had you melting all over again. You shoved her back against the door and it slammed shut.  

"Your bedroom." She moaned as your lips captured hers, her fingers crawling under your shirt, her knuckles brushing against your skin and your groaned at the contact and the mention of your bedroom. She slipped your shirt off before you could even think about what was happening. It landed somewhere in your entry way but you didn't care. She pushed you back, her lips trailing down and paying attention to your collarbone as she walked you back, down the hallway and into your bedroom. She'd been here a handful of times to know where everything was however, she'd never stepped foot in your bedroom.  

Your room had never been so loud. Your moans echoed off the walls, her moans sounding like they were meant to be here and nowhere else. She took you to new heights. Clothes were long gone, the alcohol starting to lose its edge but that didn't matter now. She was intoxicating enough for you. She was like a drug, watching her trail down your body was enough to almost take you over the edge but the way she touched you, sucked and caressed, had you on a whole other planet. But that wasn't the end, no, you wanted some, you wanted her. Flipping her over, having her under you, her whiskey brown eyes almost black with desire and a thin sheen of sweat glistening her body had you moaning all over again. You licked and sucked and made her body shake and convulse under your touch. She screamed your name when you finally let her give in to the abyss and that sound would be etched into your mind forever. Nothing could take that away from you.  

That's why when she uttered those words not minutes later, you were still catching your breath and almost ready to go another round when she killed that feeling dead in its tracks. You replayed the moment over and over in your head as you heard the front door slam and Jack was gone. It was such a perfectly drunk evening of finally giving into your feelings and desires and she'd run away. You sunk further into your bed, it smelt like her, like you, like what you could've had but now it was just a smell of what had been.  

The turmoil inside of you wrecks you and you have half a thought to try and call Jack but knew she wouldn't answer. You manage to find the energy to roll over because even that seemed like moving a mountain right now and you buried your face into the pillow your face found there. The smell of Jack's shampoo rudely invaded your senses and you groaned. Rolling back over to find anything that didn't smell like the woman who'd ruined you in every possible way.

. . . . . 

[sweetbeehoneytea]

A Confession

I am a 22 year old female and since I was 13 years old, I’ve been addicted to pornography.

———————————————

My professor used to say, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Every time I heard that I would think of this — my biggest secret and my greatest vice.

I’ve struggled with pornography for almost ten years and I have never shared my pain with anyone else. Maybe it’s a cop out to do this on tumblr where no one really knows who I am, but it’s far more than I’ve ever done before. I’m ready to start making actual changes in my life and taking my addiction seriously rather than writing it off.

The idea that pornography can be an addiction or is harmful will probably cause some people to go on defense, but I can’t really find it in me to care. This is for me and my growth and wellbeing, as well as for other young women or men who may be struggling with the same thing.

Being Catholic with this addiction makes me feel like the biggest hypocrite and sinner in the world. Being a female with this addiction makes me feel alone and isolated, unworthy of love or affection from anyone because my brain is ‘just that messed up.’ Sometimes I think, “This is why I can’t find love. God is punishing me for being this way. I deserve to never find love — who would want me anyway?”

The thing is, those feelings and thoughts aren’t true, but I let them rule me for so long that watching pornography just became a personality trait — just something I did that I couldn’t change. It was who I was and even though I would hate it and try to fight it, the numbness would always creep in and the only thing that would make me feel better was the one thing that made me also feel the worst.

The best way to describe it would be like having Stockholm syndrome. I’m chained to this thing I hate and pray for release. Yet, at some point, when I’m given the opportunity to go, I walk a few feet only to turn back and put the chains back on myself. Because as much as I want freedom, I want that high even more, and addiction make you believe that you can’t feel that good anywhere else. That’s the worst part — being given the opportunity to utilize your free will for good and instead going back to the thing you know is wrong. You hate yourself even more and convince yourself that the next time you’ll be stronger, but you usually aren’t. And then at some point you decide you just aren’t worth being saved anymore and stay even when you aren’t chained. You think it’s love, but it’s not.

I’ve come to the realization that what I fear to lose by cutting pornography out of my life is intimacy. Or, in this case, the sense of intimacy. Since I was a little girl I couldn’t wait to fall in love and get married. All I continue to long for is this tangible, consuming intimacy with someone who desires me. It’s far more than sexual for me, but pornography gives me the illusion of that part of that union and the fear of never falling in love or never being good enough keeps me going back rather than breaking away and being more open to the real thing.

People see it as this wonderful outlet or resource. I did. I found my comfort in it. When thoughts and stress got too much and I couldnt sleep, it was there. When longings for true intimacy and connection were unmet, it was there. When boredom, fear or sadness set in, it was there. But it’s never enough. The fulfillment is never there.

Pornography isn’t intimacy. It isn’t love. It isn’t empowering or freeing.

I’m slowly starting to understand my worth and the worth of others around me. I want to honor my husband with my thoughts and actions, even before I meet him. I want to be a better, more present, big sister. I want to fill my time with good, fruitful things that bring me joy. I no longer want to rely on pornography as my source of comfort, love, intimacy, etc. I want those desires to be filled by the Lord, my future husband, my friends and family.

I am a female and I am addicted to pornography.

I am catholic and I am addicted to pornography.

I am two things that most people don’t associate with a porn addiction, and yet here I am.

Sometimes I look at photos of myself as a child and feel so sad. I mourn the innocence I lost. The fact that I felt so alone and unloved that I turned to pornography kills me.

I want to get back to her. Even if it’s just a little bit, I want to find her again and show her the love she deserves.

I know this topic is slightly stigmatized, especially in religion (not necessarily by the Church herself, but by people within the church who don’t know enough about it or are afraid of it), however I can’t keep pretending anymore and I hope anyone who reads this respects that.

I don’t know if there is anyone who follows me that struggles as I do, but I just want you to know that I am here if you ever want to talk. Even if your struggle is different from mine, I think it’s about time we start lifting each other up and being there for one another. You are not alone.

— sweet bee 👒🌻

(05/28/20)

[fiftyshadesgrl]

This is part one of a brantley gilbert series im working on. Hope everyone enjoys it.

Is this the wrong thing to do? After everything that went down between me and Brantley, should I really be doing a meet and greet with him? The last time we were in a room together a lot of words were said and our relationship ended. I thought we were going to last forever. We were engaged, I was planning a wedding while Brantley was drinking himself into a early grave. As I pull up to the venue my hands start sweating and I seriously think about backing out, but he has sure come a long way and I just want him to know that I am proud of him.

45 minutes later

Its my turn next in the meet and greet. All of the fans stand behind a curtain until it is our turn. Security motions for me to head out to see Brantley. I take a deep breath and realize its now or never. I walk from around the curtain and Brantleys eyes go wide. "(Y/N), is that you?" I smile and nod, he opens his arms and grabs me. This feels so good, just like it used to. His strong arms is what made me feel safe. I sigh and start to tear up but then I pull away.

He smiles and eyes me up and down. "(Y/N), youre the last person I thought would walk around that curtain."

I place my hand on the side of his face and wish things were different. "I just wanted to come and tell you how proud I am of you."

"Well darlin, you couldve called." He says with a sigh. I cant believe Im standing here in front of him. Those blue eyes just peer into my soul. My heart skips a beat when I hear his songs on the radio. Sometimes I feel like some of them has been written just for me.

Security tells Brantley they need to wrap up the meet and greet. Brantley looks annoyed but he has a show to put on and many fans that he cant let down.

We get our picture taken and then he turns to me. He grabs my hands in his, "do you have a backstage pass?" I shake my head and say, "no just vip."

He called his manager over and whispered something in his ear. His manager produced a backstage pass. Brantley took it from him and handed it to me. "Here darlin, you can watch from backstage and then we can hang out afterwards."

I shook my head, "Brantley I cant accept this. I dont want you doing me favors."

He placed it around my neck. "Then this is a favor for me. Please I really want to talk to you after the show."

How could I say no to him. He really looked sincere and there is some things that I could get off my chest after the show. So I nod and he has the biggest smile on his face. "Thank you (Y/N). It really means alot to me."

"Youre welcome." I go to hug him and he surprises me by kissing me on my forehead. His manager leads me to Brantleys dressing room. "Make yourself at home honey."

"Thank you. Is it alright if I smoke in here?" I ask showing him my pack of cigarettes. He chuckles, "BG is like a chimney. Ash tray is on the table. Drinks and snacks are in the other room if you want anything. If you need anything else just holler."

I nod and light my cigarette as he walks out the door. Its really nice in here. A big leather couch is against one wall right across is a mirror with lights around it. A chair sits in front of it but Brantley doesnt seem the type to need makeup to go on stage. I put my cigarette out in the ash tray and sit back in the couch. It feels like a cloud. I look around trying to find something to occupy me, I flip through my phone. I snap a picture and send it to my best friend with a text saying 'guess i get to go backstage.'

He sends a text back saying 'be careful. Dont let him hurt you again.' I roll my eyes and shut my phone off. I get up and decide to go get something to drink. When I open the door Brantley is on the other side, I think he was giving hisself a pep talk before coming in. He looks worried, "youre not bolting already are you?"

I shake my head. "No, I was going to get something to drink." He sighs like he is glad that I wasnt leaving.

"You mind if I come with you?" He asks shyly.

"Of course not. This is all for you anyways."

We walk down the hall to the room that has the sign catering on the door. He holds the door open for me and as I enter his hand brushes mine. I feel the sparks way down deep and I know he does too.

After we enter the room I grab a water and he gets a plate of food and a tea. The room is quite crowded and noisy. He looks at me and asks, "wanna go back to the dressing room?" I shrug and mouth its up to you. He nods towards the door and I follow him. He pushes the door open and holds it for me.

When we get back to the dressing room he plops down on the couch and puts his feet up on the table. I sit down on the other end of the couch and he looks like he is affended. "What are you doing all the way down there darlin? I aint gonna bite ya."

I smile and scoot closer to him. I take a sip of my water and light another cigarette. I smoke alot when Im stressed or nervous.

"Wheres your food darlin?" He asks looking at my bottle of water.

"Oh, um." I look down at my hands. "Im not hungry."

He shakes his head, "no, I aint having it. Youre gonna eat. Here take my plate Ill go get some more."

Before I could say anything he placed his plate in my lap and was already out the door. I really wasnt hungry. My nerves were getting the best of me and my stomach was in knots.

Brantley came back in a few minutes later with two huge plates of food. I raised my eyebrows at him as he sat down. "You dont expect me to eat that do you Brantley?"

He shook his head, "no one plate for me and the desserts are for both of us."

I picked at my food as we talked about old times and before I knew it they were calling him for the show. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the couch.

"Come on (Y/N), you can watch from the side."

He opened strong and the crowd went wild. After a few upbeat songs he pulled out his acoustic and sat on a stool center stage.

"Welcome everybody yall are amazing."

The crowd cheered loudly as he took a sip of water. He looked over at me and winked causing a face splitting grin to appear on my face.

"I figured wed slow it down a bit for a while. These next few songs mean alot to me. I wrote them for someone special and maybe just maybe."

He looks over at me again.

"She just might hear them tonight."

He starts playing the best of me and glances at me every now and then. Then he starts you dont know her like I do. Then he finishes with you promised. He gets emotional during that song and he looks directly over to me when he sings the last line.

"No matter what you do, you know Ill always love you.

Hell I have to, cause I promised."

The tears streamed down my face. I knew he meant it and after all these years, deep in my heart. I knew I still l loved him. I never stopped, but thats what scares me. Hes changed yes but how could I forget the past?

He was still looking at me as I turned and walked back to the dressing room. I couldnt let him see me cry, so I sat in the dressing room and cried. I went to light my cigarette but couldnt find my lighter anywhere. Brantleys lighter was gone too.

My eyes went to his duffel bag and thought maybe he might have a spare lighter in there. I unzipped it and tried not to look to much at anything but I felt a lighter and as I pulled it out a paper came flying out too.

"Oh shit, I hope It didnt rip."

I picked it up, a picture fell to the floor. I bent to pick it up and saw it was the last picture me and Brantley had made together. That was the better days before everything went bad. I cant believe he has kept it all this time.

"Yall have been awesome tonight! I love yall see ya again soon."

I heard Brantley closing the show so I shoved the paper and picture back in his bag and zipped it quickly. I grabbed my cigarettes and ran to the exit.

The cool air hit my skin like a gift from heaven. I had to take a breather for a moment cause I didnt know what to say to him. Why has he kept that all this time? Why did it make me smile that he did? Because I love him but I cant tell him. Tonight was just to see him and go home.

I sit with my back against the building and lit my cigarette. I looked down at the lighter in my hand and was surprised to see it was the zippo I got him for his birthday one year. This man, does he keep everything.

The band starts coming out of the doors and start loading the bus with equipment and luggage. A few minutes later Brantley came struting out looking frustrated. He couldnt see me because I was sitting behind the door.

I heard him say to his manager, "why didnt you stop her! I need to go find her."

Before he climbed the steps on the bus I stood up and said "you looking for me?"

I could see the relief wash over him. He ran over to me and grabbed me up in a big hug. "I thought I lost you again baby girl."

I smiled and pulled away from him. "Im right here. I just needed some air." He grabbed me by the back of my head and pulled me in for a fierce kiss. It shocked me for a second then I was kissing him back. Our tounges exploring each other mouth. I nipped his lower lip and he growled in response.

I pulled away but he rested his forehead on mine. We were both panting and I managed to find the words. "Brantley, I....I cant do this."

"Come on the bus with me, we can talk cause theres some stuff I need to tell you."

"I dont think thats a good idea Brantley."

He sighs and those blue eyes pierce right into the depths of my soul and break down whatever barriers I had built to keep him out.

"Please, just to talk. I promise."

I nod, "okay, just to talk."

He smiles and grabs my hand. He leads me towards the bus and motions for me to go first. He doesnt speak to anyone but heads straight for his room. He closes the door behind him.

He sits down on the bed and pats the place next to him.

"You can sit baby doll, dont worry I wont do anything."

"I know, I trust you." I sit down next to him but for some reason the words that I have been wanting to say will not come out. Thank god he spoke first.

"Listen (Y/N), I know the last time we saw each other I was a complete mess."

"Complete mess is putting it lightly." I say

He sighs, "ok, I was a complete dick. I know I hurt you and I said things I didnt mean. I swear to you I have changed. I love you (Y/N) I always have, and if you give me a chance." He grabs my hand and I look into his eyes. "I promise you I will make up for everything baby."

I really do believe him but why is it so hard to just give myself to him. "You cheated on me Brantley. You told me you didnt want me anymore. I wanted to marry you and have a family with you. I saw all of that happening but it was all just one big lie."

"Baby look at me." He says as he places his fingers under my chin. My eyes meet his once again. "Im so sorry for everything. After all these years it still eats at me what I done to you. I was fucked up at the time. The booze and pills had me all kinds of fucked up but it didnt mean I didnt want you. I honestly cant tell you why I said that but I can tell you I didnt mean it." I start crying and try to look away but he wouldnt let me.

"You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I was to stupid to realize it. I shouldve treated you better when I had you but for some reason I thought you would always be there. When I sobered up and realized you was really gone I went crazy. I went everywhere and anywhere that I thought you would be. I cried every night and every day I felt like my heart was just gone."

I wiped my eyes and whispered, "Im so sorry Brantley."

"No, no baby, Im the one whos sorry. I dont blame you for leaving me. Hell nobody did. Mama jumped my case everyday for a month about it."

I sniffed, "I found the picture of us in your duffel bag."

"You did?"

I nodded, "I wasnt being nosey I promise. I lost my lighter and couldnt find it or yours so I thought maybe you had a extra one. I didnt look at anything or at the piece of paper the picture fell out of."

He sighed and it looked like he was glad I didnt read it. "I kept that picture because thats all I had of you. Every night before a show looking at it would give me the boost I needed to have a damn good show. When I sleep, I put it under my pillow. I know its stupid but I have to have you with me or I cant survive."

I smile and before I knew it I was kissing him. He kissed me back at first then he gently pushed me away. "Woah baby, you said you only wanted to talk."

I straddled him and pushed his hat from his head. "I know what I said." I kissed his cheeks then his eyes then his lips. "Listen to what my heart is saying now."

His hands were on my sides sliding up and down, his thumbs were under my shirt. He was tracing lazy circles with them. He leaned forward and kisses my collarbone then my neck. "You sure baby." I nodded.

I pulled his shirt up and over his head. He did the same to me. I was wearing a black lace bra, he growled as he kissed the tops of my breast where the lace touched skin.

"God damn baby, I have been missing and wanting this all these years. Im afraid its a dream."

I smiled as I kissed up his neck up to his ear. I whispered "trust me honey, I dont think your dreams can make you feel as good as Im gonna in just a few minutes."

"Holy fuck." He said as he pulled away and took my lips in a searing kiss. He unclasped my bra with one hand. My hand skated down his chest and stomach and came to rest on his belt buckle.

"Make love to me Brantley."

He smiled, "oh baby, with pleasure."

[sunshinechii-scenarios]

family first and always - poly!q.kun+s.jh

✿ NCT’s Kun & Johnny x Female!Reader (mentions of Jaehyun + Poly!Norenmin X Female!reader) ✿ Fluffy but also and angsty boi ✿ 1.4k Words ✿ For: Eden ✿ Written by Chii

because this was rlly too long as a blurb of its own and has too much drama to comprehend! Kind of a prequel to this blurb but honestly can be read before or after - Chii

        It wasn’t hard to sneak out of the house for a bit to meet up with him. At first, you didn’t want to but eventually, you gave in and just wanted to get it over with. This conversation was going to happen eventually. You prepared yourself outside the fancy restaurant and took a deep breath. Tears pricked at your eyes, you didn’t want to see him again, not after he left you and your daughter. The tears in your eyes were also tears of fear. You didn’t want to lose the perfect family you bad built up with your angel, Kun and Johnny. There would be so much at stake if you walked through the doors right now. A part of you wanted to call back the taxi and have it drive you home to where there was warmth and endless love, not coldness and stoic faces like in the restaurant.

          You turned your heels to run away, again. You felt yourself at shame. Before you could even take a step back, you came face to face with Kun and Johnny. Your brows furrowed as you stared at them, they both gave you a gentle smile before Johnny spoke up.

“We many have interrogated a little birdy to tell us what was going on,” Johnny said as he held Kun’s hand. Kun nodded and looked at you lovingly. If the occasion wasn’t so tense he would have showered you with compliments about how beautiful you looked, Aphrodite herself was radiating off of you under the moonlight.

“Where is she?” you were referring to your daughter. You knew they wouldn’t leave her alone but you couldn’t think of anyone that would be up this late to babysit her.

“I called up Renjun and the ‘little birdy. Jeno and Jaemin are also over watching her. I already fed her and tucked her in,” you let out a sigh of relief. You looked at the two who towered over you and had nothing but smiles on their faces. You felt recharged. You took either of their arms and walked through the door.

         “I’m here for Jaehyun but don’t bother setting another glass out, I won’t be here for a long time,” you said to the host. She nodded and eyed the two men behind you before walking you to where Jaehyun was sitting. His face lit up but darkened at the sight of your two current lovers.

“What are they doing here?” Jaehyun stood up defensively.

“Sit your ass down Jung Jaehyun,” the aggressive tone Kun carried surprised both you and Johnny.

“We’re here to set things straight, once and for all so you can leave us alone.” Kun spoke with an unknowing anger in his voice. Johnny held into Kun’s hand and rubbed his thumb across his knuckles. Jaehyun sighed and sat back in his seat.

“What do you want so badly that you had to visit me at work?” You said while you stared him down.

“He what?” Johnny said. It was Kun’s turn to calm him down.

“I just want my daughter,” he said simply while he took a sip of his wine. You could feel Kun’s grip on your hand tighten. You opened your mouth to speak but Johnny was way ahead of you.

“You made the choice to leave and we're here picking up your slack. Don't think just because she's your daughter means anything but that title." Johnny said harshly. Jaehyun gawked at the words that came out of Johnny’s mouth.

“She’s still my daughter, biologically,” Jaehyun scoffed and rolled his eyes. With the way he was acting and how he acted before, you knew she wouldn’t be remotely happy with Jaehyun.

"She's not mine biologically but she's mine in heart, mind and spirit. she's my little girl.”

“You’ve really reeled in two softies haven’t you?” Jaehyun said as he leaned on the table and poured himself another glass.

“Better than someone with no heart,” you snapped back quickly. The two at your side sat back, you rarely ever lost your cool but when you did, you didn’t hold back. They knew what was coming so they just sat back with a smug look on their faces.

“That hurt Y/N,” Jaehyun clenched his chest and laughed.

“I’m not giving up my family to someone like you,” you said while gripping the hands of Johnny and Kun tighter.

“And what is someone like me?” You stood up suddenly and pointed at him.

“Heartless, she doesn’t deserve to go through what I did and by god, I will do everything in my power to make sure she never does,” you started to walk out. Leaving the three males at the table. You could hear Jaehyun screaming your name, causing a commotion in the restaurant while Kun and Johnny caught up with you. You were halfway into the parking lot before the two ran up to you. You turned to them with tears in your eyes.

“He just thinks he can ruin our family like that?” Tears started to fall from your eyes. Kun was the first to take action and cup your face and wipe your tears away with his thumbs. Johnny used his long arms to encase you both in a hug.

“Let’s go home,” Kun said as he glared at Jaehyun who was at the entrance of the restaurant. Johnny walked you to the car they took to drive over. You called an Uber earlier. Kun kept the most intense eye contact with Jaehyun as Johnny buckled in and made sure you were feeling alright. It was only with the soft calling of his name by you did he break the glare and walk to the car. He sat in the backseat quietly and obviously still angry at the man who just tried to rip away his little girl.

         “You’re back,” you looked at Renjun who was on the couch. His girlfriend on his lap sleeping and the two other boys cuddled up with each other on the loveseat. He saw your gaze drop to the girl on his lap. Jeno just woke up and rubbed his eyes, he sent a smile to the three adults in front of him before stretching.

“She wanted me to tell you she’s sorry,” he said while placing his hand on her ear to avoid waking her up.

“Tell her she’s lucky that she’s practically my second daughter,” you smiled as Renjun nodded and continued to pet her head.

“I’ll get the others up and we’ll leave,” Johnny stopped Renjun from trying to wake the sleeping girl.

“I’ll drive you guys home,” Johnny said. Jeno nodded and picked the girl off of Renjun’s lap. Renjun went to wake up Jaemin while Jeno slipped his shoes on haphazardly.

“I’m going to cool down,” Kun said before he gave you stressed look and walked into the corridor. You bid the three boys a goodnight and gave Johnny a quick kiss before you closed the door for him. Once you heard the car leave the driveway, you walked to find Kun. It didn’t take you long to find him standing in the doorway of your daughters room. His arms folded and the doorframe supporting his body. The moonlight shone past her curtains and onto Kun’s face that was unreadable.

“I don’t know who he thinks he is. Trying to take her away from us when he left you two,” Kun spoke softly. You sighed and let your arms wrap around his waist. You felt his body soften and him leaning back on your touch.

“Nothing is going to take her away from us Kun, we’re a family,” you softly said.

“I can’t imagine my life not watching her grow up, I can’t imagine my with without either of you,” Kun rarely got sentimental but behind every word he said, you believed him without a doubt. The two of you stood there for a while in silence, a million things going through your minds. The sound of the car door closing knocked you both out of your state and eyeing the front door for Johnny to come through. Once he did, he smiled at the two of you and walked to where you two were.

“Mommy? Daddies? What are you doing here?” The faint voice of your child broke you three apart and caused you all to look at your daughter.

The two let go of you as you walked towards your baby girl’s bed and give her a kiss on her forehead, “I came to wish you good night, I didn’t before I left.”

“Good night, mommy,” she said sleepily before clutching her sheep plushie and going back to sleep.

“We’ll be okay,” Johnny said reassuringly while bringing Kun to his side and reaching his hand for yours.

also by ass couldnt help but throw in norenmin lol imwhippedhelpme - Chii

[mommalionof5]

An Open Letter to my most recent ex,

Im sure you noticed that i didn’t add the label, boyfriend, fiance, or husband, nor did i put any other category type. Im sure that you think its for some horrible reason but the truth is that you were so much more to me than any single title could have ever covered. You were my best friend, my shoulder to lean on, My conscience, voice of reason, my crazy side, and carefree personality, my fiance when it came to wedding planning, my husband during the day to day, my boyfriend on those rare but carefree late night rides and trips to the drive thru, you were my Daddy when i needed guidance and my everything all the time. I changed so much of my life to be this person that i thought would make you happy forever that would always be enough for you but that wasnt how it worked out. We were so happy and enjoying life, I felt innocent love, real love that didnt want anything from me, but that i would do anything for. Like when your dog went missing right after we moved and i spent hours walking the neighborhood, and ended up lost in some gated community. Do you remember? 

But then i guess life happened. And the stressful things that were so common started to pull at the threads, and we started to fight. You’d lie I’d catch you and you’d apologize and tell me that you wouldn’t do it again but you would and you did many more times. Id say that i would be understanding or that i wouldnt fight with you anymore but each time i did. I would compromise on my hard no’s till eventually they became softly spoken suggestions, but they would be screamed at the top of my lungs during each and every fight. I stopped telling you what i needed because when i did you didnt seem to care, or understand, or even hear me. I tried to convince you that something needed to change you would always find a reason that you were not to blame. “you aren’t the same person that you were before” you would say to me, “do you even like me?” i would ask you as i couldn’t stand the thought of you saying that you didnt love me anymore, but if you liked me then that left the door open for love right? I NEVER considered that you could love someone and not like them, but now i know. Each day it got worse and worse and every time i could see the issues plain and clear. I tried to tell you what was going on and i tried to tell you what i knew would help but you wanted to blame the problems on everyone else. You stopped helping, you stopped caring, you started getting madder at me than i thought that you could. I couldnt take a deep breath with out you getting mad. You spied on me and got mad if i pointed it out. You took all of your calls in private, never put your phone down, but would follow me if i walked out of the room to speak on the phone because it was too loud, you had to hear everything i said, wanted every call on speaker phone or your head right next to mine so you could hear everything and then tried to say you werent listening. You went through every part of my phone, computer, books, bags, car, everything and lord help me if i mentioned that you were doing it because that meant i was hiding something. I kept trying to be who you wanted but that person was constantly changing and never the same. It just wasnt possible and you pointed out all the time that i wasnt doing what you wanted, and that i wasnt perfect. I was smothering, drowning, dying and everytime i tried to get your help it got worse. You told me that you were the one suffering and that i didnt care but everything i was doing i did to help you. You just never saw it and i didnt know how to show you.

So many times you “left me”, so many times you called me a whore and told me to get out of “your” house. So many times you talked so much shit to me and accused me of so many things and kept me just far enough away that you could do what you wanted but close enough to keep me from leaving.

Now I have left. You spent this week hunting me down, begging to stay with me, and telling me how much you had changed and that if i just let you move in with me now it would all be ok. You couldnt go home because i wasnt there. Just for one night you didnt want to sleep in your car anymore. Everything would be different but it wasnt. You didnt think that i saw that the changes that you were making were still beneficial for only you, you didnt hear anything that i said and often told me that you wanted me to talk to you and spell it out for you but when i tried you didnt listen, didnt let me talk, didnt care that i was hurting because i had something that you didnt and it wasnt fair. Because in order for us to be able to fix our relationship and ourselves we had to do everything your way nothing had changed and if i say anything about it, you point out that i havent let you move in so how can you be a partner or show anything if i dont follow your rules. But you couldnt hear or understand anything that i had been trying to say and didnt care to hear anything over than what you wanted. So here we are everything is fucked and broken and i dont think that it will ever be the same, but that is ok. I dont want to same, i want and deserve better. There is less stress, less hassle, less mess and i feel better during the times that you arent being a jerk or blowing up my phone. Sometimes i still miss you, sometimes i find a song that breaks my heart and i cry....but even though it hurts, even though i know that giving in would be easier and i could manage, i could survive, i want more. I want happiness. I want joy and laughter and peace. I want to want to comes home. But i know that this will not be the case anytime soon, or maybe ever again. I was going to keep all the wedding stuff because i just knew we could work this out...but now i dont think that we can. Live a great life. i hope that you have better luck next time.  I hope that you find peace and happiness that you find responsibility and a path to honesty within yourself and with others. 

So I guess this is goodbye. I guess this is where our times end.  Thank you for showing me that i am a better person even if i dont feel that way all the time if ever now but at least a part of me does. 

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Destiny of the Damned

Part 1- Roman Godfrey

Chapter 1- nosebleed

I never thought I'd miss traffic and noise. In California, something is always happening, and traffic is just a fact of life. When I had to move out to help my uncle, who lives outside of Hemlock Grove Pennsylvania to say it was a culture shock was an understatement. Everything closed early and I think they’d have to schedule a traffic jam or someone would need to get murdered on the main roads. After about a month, you figure out who everyone is. Small town life is bizarre. I went to eat at a local diner, and a police officer was eating there as well, looking out the window and makes a call. I’m in the next booth, so I can’t help but overhear him call someone that had just run the stop sign, and told them to come pick up their tocket at the station later. I always took the energy and anonymity giant metropolitan areas like Los Angeles or San Francisco for granted. It never even occured to me there were places where there were no malls, airports, freeways or parking fees. I’ve been here for a little over 2 months, and I am literally the only Mercedes Benz S-Class I’ve seen. In order to reach civilization and acceptable fashion retail, you had to go on a full on road trip. My uncle was the closest thing I had to a parent, so I was willing to tough it out for him. He had fallen down his concrete basement stairs, and fractured his neck a hands. He is very independant and stubborn and needed assistance until he healed from the multiple surgeries he’s had to endure, to get his hands working correctly again. His home is a famous work of art, more than a place to actually occupy, so strangers coming to stay there, and touch his stuff, damn near got him catching a charge. I just finished University and was an executive for my Uncles’ multi billion dollar corporation but realistically, we could take the rest of our lives off, and be fine. But we are both workaholic innovators that share the same miraculous quirk. We have autobiographical memories which means we don't forget anything. Want to know what the date, temperature, things I did, who I was with the first time I heard a particular song? I can tell you. It's a blessing and a curse. Everything is a trigger for memories for me and my Uncle. So although his desire for isolation and little contact is extreme, I get it. Having a brain that doesn't stop can be exhausting and stressful.

Books help, so when I turned the corner, and spotted a Barnes and Noble, I actually squealed in excitement. I pulled up and looked a little out of place, but i didnt care. My car was understated, low profile, over the top. With its clear panoramic sunroof,  technology, and ambiance lighting, id always kid with my uncle that i needed it for my mental health. Really, I was terribly spoiled,  yet I appreciated it and never tried to rub it anyone's face, but I understood a young woman exiting a very expensive car, in a small town, that lived in the strange house with her reclusive billionaire Uncle, wasn't going to have anyone baking me pies. I was a realist.

I was pleasantly surprised by the sheer size of this store. inside there was a shockingly large lego display and it reminded me of how much i used to love assembling complicated structures, while most girls played wth dolls. While most little girls wanted to play with dollies and imagine scenarios about their wedding day, I was trying to improve my laptops performance (catching a few on fire in my early years). The dynamics and emotionality of people never held any value really. It was what truly always puzzled me. Losing oneself in another person, or the entire concept of love, seemed so unlikely. Far too many factors involved, and why anyone compromises when they can just do as they please by themselves only makes sense in situations like with my Uncle. It was still inconvenient, so getting close to people has never been appealing, but the legos we're.

I walked over and spotted a gigantic Death Star set and clapped in delight. I thought I heard a low chuckle behind me, so I spun around to find the best looking man I'd ever seen, dressed in a very nice suit. He didnt waver or look away when i looked at him, and almost looked as though he were daring me to look away. Most people would find him intimidating, but nothing really made me nervous so he didnt phase me.

"What's funny?" I asked looking him dead in the eye.

"You." He smirked.

"Glad to oblige you" i said sarcastically as I did a half hearted bow, then standing straight with a smirk. Who did he think he was? Green eyed, puffy lipped punk. I didn't break eye contact which usually caused people to look away by now, but To my surprise he laughed and looked me up and down. Assessed me like i was livestock; sizing me up and trying to decide if he could break me.

"I'm Roman."

"I'm American." I replied.

"No my name is Roman." He laughed heartily. An amused twinkle in his eye.

I couldn't help but notice he really had the best smile, and I really have a thing for noses, and his was divine.  if you think about it, its the most important facial feature. A nose can make or break a face, and his cute little slightly upturned nose, with its perfect symmetry was for sure making his face. combine that with his gorgeous green eyes, long lashes, defined bone structure, alabaster skin and standing at least 6′3″ he must be one of the biggest pains in the asses, this side of the Mississippi! Most women would see him and be all in but having a gorgeous man that exudes sexuality and is very sure of himself is far more trouble then anyone could ever be worth.

Why pretty boy wanted to trade names, probably had nothing to do with me, and much more to do with boredom, or what he could get out of me. I usually don't pay much attention to anyone of the opposite sex, especially obvious pains in the ass like the man before me, but something about him, was preventing me from just turning around and blowing him off.

"Generally when I tell someone my name, they tell me their own." He said staring into my eyes with such an intensity that I reacted almost involuntarily.

I have a defect. If someone tries to tell me what to do or control me, I am not fucking having it. Authority has always been an issue, and this felt a lot like him trying to dominate me, and I felt almost sick. Like when you stand up too fast and get a bit woozy. I took that as a good time to turn my back on him and ignore him.

He walked in front of me, blocking my view of the legos and ducked down a bit to make eye contact. I couldnt hide the complete shock on my face at his behavior.  He's either crazy or incredibly confident. I raised my eyebrows as if to say "can i help you" and I know my face was absolutely unfriendly, yet he didn't appear to notice.

His face hardened "tell me. Your. Name." He said slowly and deliberately.

Now it was my turn to laugh. I looked at him to see the smile or just kiddding , but it never came... WOW. He was serious!!! I leaned my face a couple inches from his face and I said "Nope" making sure to loudly pop the p.

The look on his face was absolutely priceless, and had my laughing enough that several people were starting. just as I was about to walk away victorious, his nose began to bleed. I instantly was embarrassed for him and I couldnt just leave him here to bleed on the legos so I jumped into action.

"Oh shit, your nose is bleeding." i said lookinbg around for any type of tissue, when i noticed we were right next to the restrooms.

"What? Seriously? Can you get it?" he implored looking all frightened, dare I say fragile.

Without any hesitation, I wiped the blood from his face. "Come with me, we need tissue, bathroom is right here. Look up and hold your nose." I grabbed his hand and recieved a shock. static electricity stayed with me a lot and often scared people but he didnt even flinch. He laced his fingers in mine as if it were the most natural thing in the world and i led him to the bathroom.

Once inside, I grabbed some tissues and directed him to stand over the sink. I wet some paper towels and wiped away the blood and then took the dry tissues and pushed his head back and crammed little tissue torpedos in his perfect little nose. The whole time I could feel his intense gaze on me, but what else was he going to look at really?

"Gotta admit, this is new." He quipped, admiring my handy work in the mirror and laughing in dismay.

"What? Bloody nose or attention from ladies?"

"Um.... you're kind of rude, but then when there is an issue, you don't hesitate to help.  Then you're taking better care of my nose bleed than anyone. No one really takes charge with me.... and now I'm in a bathroom with a woman and we aren't fucking." He laughed again.

"Fucking. Classy. If I didn't know any better I'd swear you were the Godfrey asshole everyone keeps telling me about." Ever since I'd arrived at Hemlock grove, I'd heard Godfrey this and Godfrey that. Their name was on everything and I'd heard the son was like a 21 year old gorgeous nightmare, that was as kind, as he was humble. The few people id spoken to had told me to stay away from him. I found it odd, I didn't know his first name all of a sudden.

His face fell into a frown.

"I see that's the general consensus about that guy. Cheer up Charlie, your nose stopped bleeding most likely, let me just pull these out." i gently pulled the tissues from his nose and waited for blood but none came. "Boom mothafucka its on!" i laughed at my own ridiculousness before turning and washing my hands.

"You're weird” he stated matter of factly.

Roman stood there quietly thinking. I could almost feel the wheels turning in his head. His mood had completely changed at the mention of the Godfrey kid.Maybe his family had lost everything because of them too or the guy stole his girl, i felt a little guilty so i relented a tiny bit.

"Hey listen, Roman was it?" He nodded and bit his lip. oh he knows what hes doing. boy he was trouble "I'm sorry if the Godfrey's are a sore subject. I don't know anything about anybody here. I'm just helping out my crazy uncle that fell down his basement stairs and broke his hands and neck. I'm from the west coast and this dreary fucking place isn't exactly my cup of tea. I don't know why I'm rude before I'm polite but it's involuntary. My name is Letha, it's like Lisa with a lisp and now I've officially over shared." I could feel my face turning red. Why was He making me such an awkward mess? My God this WAS new.

suddenly he grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me in stopping just an inch away from my face. "Who put you up to this?" He asked with such venom in his voice it made me flinch. "WHO!?!?!" He screamed in my face.

I tried to push him away but he wouldn't budge. My mind raced and I began to panic. No one has ever screamed in my face like this and I didn't like it and yet, the way his eyes searched mine and the tenseness in his body, and just sheer panic made me do something I hardly ever did. Maybe it was brought on by panic or survival instinct, but it was not my normal. Especially to a crazy stranger in the bathroom, but I had the overwhelming NEED to hug him. I fought past his hands trying to hold my shoulders in kind of a silly slap fight and grabbed him around the waist and buried my head in his shoulder. He smelled so good.This was outright crazy behavior for me, and i was confusing myself but if i tried to not think, it almost felt nice, for a few moments my mind was blank. A minute passed with me holding him as he calmed his breathing with his arms raised. Nothing was triggering me and I felt odd.

"Nobody sent me, you nut job! Hug me back, you need a hug. ”i squeezed even harder, nuzzling my face into his collar, his chin gently resting on my head.

His arms hesitantly closed around my back and then he crushed me into a deep embrace. He really did need a hug. "You ok now crazy?" I asked trying to pull back to look at his face but he held me fast. He started to shudder a bit and then I felt moisture hit my forehead. Ok it's gone too far, this is why I don't hug.

Was this crazy ass dude crying? Oh no, he was really crazy. Shit shit shit. Good job Letha, you're gonna get murdered in a bookstore bathroom, in shit hole Pennsylvania, on a Friday afternoon. Why did you hug this fucking guy? I was starting to breathe funny now!

Roman loosened his grip and looked deep in my eyes searching for something. What? Im unsure, but he must of found it, because he laughed and he seemed almost sweet, except tears were running down his face and a moment earlier he screamed in my face.

"Well Ms Letha, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'd love nothing more than to take you out this evening wherever you want to go. Before you refuse, I assure you I'm not crazy, it's just I had a cousin named Letha, which I'm sure you're aware is an unusual name, and I loved her very much and she passed and I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It caught me off guard."

I had heard about that Letha. Everyone that found out my name, told me about Letha Godfrey, the Godfrey girl that was as kind as she was beautiful, but tragically got knocked up and lost her mind talking about angels being the father, and dating some weirdo outcast. when she went to give birth in the family skyscraper medical facility, she mysteriously died and so did her baby.

"You're the Godfrey kid." I practically whispered staring at him with wide eyes as I recalled what I'd said about him, TO him.

"Hardly a kid anymore I think." He smiled. He was so handsome, it was freaking me out. "What's your phone number? I have to run to the white tower, and then I'm all yours."

I knew better. He was too good looking and too rich and too everything but something told me he needed me. I know it sounds crazy but I believed in my heart and soul, this perfect beautiful fucking legend of a man needed me. I knew it wasn't logical, but I told him my number and turned to walk out of the bathroom, but he grabbed my hand.

"Please answer." He pleaded pressing a kiss to my hand. He wasn't trying to make me do anything now. He was giving the power over to me and i was honestly taken aback a bit by the almost desperate look in his eyes. I knew in my heart, he genuinely needed me, but for what?

I can't explain the feeling I felt in that bathroom with this man, but when I say I felt a deeper connection to him than I'd ever felt in my 22 years on this earth, I mean it. It was thrilling, and scary, and strange. I smiled at him and nodded my head. As I made my way to my car, I tried to convince myself not to answer, but I knew that I would.

He didn't follow me out of the bathroom and I just made a bee line for my car. I had to go. I couldn't help smiling from ear to ear. The cashier glared at me with open animosity, before turning her attention to the restroom door, looking dreamily for Roman to appear. Boy oh boy did I know better than to get involved with this guy, but deep in my gut i knew. He needed me.

[tigerheart101]

Back from a break

Sorry to my friends and fellows for my silence. i took a major mental health break.

 because i learned that the majority of this world is made up of liars. Even people who claim the best intentions, when they find a weaker soul they will manipulate their ways into a win. 

The day when a slightly troubled but generally obsesssively careful and good person is prosecuted when they helped someone who was legit a bad person with bad habits and they helped this person be good and happy and just generally well behaved but still be themselves. then just one day the good person is so emotionally and mentally drained because they have overloaded themselves with work because everyone keeps saying they can handle it that their smart enough their strong enough except that bad person who all though they never out right said anything they constantly reminded them they were nothing but what others wanted them to be then eventually this good person snaps.. stops talking, stops function and ultimately STOPPED HELPING.  my best friend who i have learned is 1 of the only people i have ever been able to trust more then my own family finally said to me.  “it does no good to be a good person if everyone sees you threw a bad filter. and it does no good to give more of yourself to help others when you have nothing left to help yourself. cant fill someone elses glass to the top with water when you only had a half cup of water left in your own. “ 

Id love it if i was such a hard core edgy person that i can say these experiences have taught me to say fuck you to the world and help myself. but it hasnt, i just today gave a stranger 5 dollars to buy herself a bus ticket home to her kids. i still watch 5 kids for a friend for free because their going threw alot and really just needed a bit more help. i still take care of everyone while cried in my uber ride today cause we passed a pilot station. this is just who i am ok.  these experiences, ruined my education. but i wont let it stop me, i got my ged last month and i will be going to school for my associates and later my degree soon as i can securely.  i just got hired for a great job, and i start work in a week and im excited to do it.  i have a girlfriend who is going threw her own struggles and yea we fight sometimes but i love her and i refuse to give up on us because i dont give up on people.  i have my own family, not one i was born to, not one out of obligation or just so they can say they tried to help the troubled girl. but one that loves me up and down. who has watched me grow up in hell threw when i was generally bad (which my bad was having additude, crippling stress and a short temper) and my good which is not now and not then.. my good is a day when i wake up after a good night sleep. which is rare.  i have stopped taking all my antidepressants and anti anxiety even my migraine meds...and you know what..i am so much happier...yea i am traumatized and scarred after this last year of hell.. but being honest without the meds that supposedly are suppose to help me. i have more happy days.. my meds had caused me to gain weight rapidly on top of the far from healthy way i ate. my meds made it so yea i didn't cry as much but when i should have been crying i was sad as hell but i didn't cry, i didn't scream i did nothing but sleep, go to school, and sleep some more, eat whenever i was forced out of the house or someone else put it in front of me.... i dont need it. i hate drugs, before it was just illegal ones. right now its all of them.. because i was a good girl, i did everything my doctor told me to. and all it did was ruin my life. it killed my motivation to function, it made me into a zombie who could barely function and my doses where never even that high. i was so careful i started on tiny doses to try and prevent this very issue and i still had it.. it made me process my heart ache and stress as anger. it made me scared of leaving my room and it made me just want to sleep all day.it made what was never a very healthy body to begin with a much more unhealthy body and nearly made me diabetic because my metabolism was so slow i could no longer handle all the sugar and food and carbs i ingested. 

right now, i should be angry, before i would have been, i would have felt it all as anger and frustration thats all i felt when on my meds.. but right now i dont have it in me to be angry anymore. those who hurt me when i did nothing then be the best i could. i dont care anymore. to those who hurt me out of anger because i stopped making myself sick to keep them happy. To those who gave up on me because of others lies, or things that are just honest to god normal. or things i had no control of. i hope you feel better.  im sorry i pushed you all to the point of giving up, or hating me. im not angry with any of you. i forgive you for your part in it all. and im sorry for mine. im sorry i didnt have it in me to beg for help, or say something when i was stressed, or ask for help when my whole body begged for me to cry or scream but all i did was go to bed. im sorry to my therapist for the fact i couldnt tell you what was wrong with me and every time you gave me homework i never ever did it because i didnt want to acknowledge my feelings and validate them long enough to deal with them and i wanted to just ignore them. im sorry to my family that i wasnt loud enough, funny you always said im loud as hell tis annoying, but for once the problem was i wasnt talking enough and you forgot who i was, you forgot everything about me, dont to the fundamentals of who i am.  im not angry, im not resentful, im honest to god heart broken. i have dated alot i know it. im young thats normal its part of finding yourself for some girl. what i learned, is no heart break is the same as having your own family reject you. no pain is as bad as legit being told that your not wanted, that your a wasted time or that they wish they had never meant you when they are your own blood. 

but im not angry. i was bitter at first with everyone. i didnt understand who people who claimed to protect and love me. could have forgotten who i am at the very core of me. so quickly. but i get it now.  thank you, you taught me alot.  you taught me my voice is valid. im loud as hell, but at least someone hears me.  you taught me that its okay to not be okay because fuck being okay.  you taught me who really loves me. you taught me i have fucking amazing friends, and which ones they where.  you taught me that my biggest fear, was gonna be my greatest strength. 

my girlfriends who family disowned her cause shes trans. She says everyday that only people she trusts is me and her grandmother who is only family she has left. we get in fights built on the foundations of these exact trust issues. 

i understand and respect her pain. but i dont get it. she knows that and loves me for it. because i went threw hell this last year. and lost alot of people to lies. but i still trust everyone. i still offer my neighburs baked goods and a smile every time i see them. i still give homeless people a dollar cause they asked. i still love my family even those who never wanna talk to me. and thats ok.. i dont get the distrust. because to me.. being happy is about being yourself. and you know what. im naive, im volnerable, im ditzy, and oblivious, i trust to much, i give to much of myself, and i love people who dont always deserve it. and im ok with that.  my kindness might be undeserved but ill give it.  i have been nearly killed, betrayed, abused, and assaulted. but each of those people could come to me right now for help. and ill still give it to them. because i was taught if i have it to offer it to someone who needs it.  im okay with that. my girlfriend can be distrusting and angry thats okay to. because i need someone to protect my volnerable ass cause i wont risk hurting someone else to protect myself.