#(i mean she wouldnt go on a date with me cause she has class and taste but like)

[suwbuns]

E-DATERS! | #1 men hater

SYPNOSIS. moving back to korea from america, y/n is excited to reunite with her old friends and make new ones. what she doesnt expect is to find herself reuniting with her “ex-boyfriend” from 10 years ago who she dated over minecraft. what makes things worse? he happens to be her favorite streamer who she has been pinning after for years.

written chapter + screenshots below! (not proof read)

beomgyu had never felt this fearful in his life.

of course, he had his honorable mentions. such as when he accidentally sent a kid to the nurses office for pushing him off the swingset in the fourth grade, resulting in his mom taking away his computer for two weeks.

there had also been the time when he overslept and ended up missing his csat, fearing he wouldnt be able get into college. not that it mattered anyways considering he dropped out 3 months into his classes.

and most recently, when he had accidentally made fun of a streamer with almost 4 times the following he had, causing a terrible fan war over twitter with the hashtag #CANCELBEOMGYU trending for an entire week.

but yet none of them, could ever compare to the amount of fear that he had felt at this very moment.

because absolutely nothing could be worse than a plummeting ego and pure embarrassment to be the consequences of his actions, in which you managed to figure him out with not even a week that has passed.

as his body turned cold and his hands clammy at your follow up question, beomgyu mustered all the strength that he had in order to press the mute button on his keyboard, before letting out an ear piercing scream.

“how are we going to fix this?!” he cried out, burrowing his face in his hands.

“dont worry, this is fixable!” heeseung nervously laughed. “i can just make up some lame excuse and—“

“why did you mute?” your voice had interrupted, heeseung giving beomgyu an unsure glance before pressing the unmute button.

"sorry, my dog started to bark really loudly," heeseung replied, giving beomgyu the side eye. "miss me?"

beomgyu's mouth pressed into a thin line as he stared blankly at heeseung who held in his laughter at your stuttering protests.

"your solution is flirting with her?" beomgyu mouthed questionably, his lips molding into a grimace.

“just trust me” heeseung mouthed back, returning his attention back to you to attempt to get your mind off of the previous slip up.

however, beomgyu in fact did not trust him nor had any reason to considering it was him who had gotten in this situation. yet, he leaned against the backrest of his chair nervously knowing that there was nothing he could do. his mouth went dry as he sat thinking about every single possible scenario that could come out of this, hardly any of them with a good ending.

“i need to go to the restroom, ill be back!” you said, allowing beomgyu to sigh in relief. “but dont think that i forgot about how you knew about beomgyu.” following your sentence, the mute icon appeared next to your username, causing beomgyu to leap up in his chair to mute his mic as well.

“okay new plan, how about we gaslight her? we can say that she told me but she just forgot?” beomgyu brought up excitedly.

“do you remember what last happened when you gaslighted a girl? you almost got cancelled—“

“okay nevermind!” beomgyu grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. “or how about we just say its a lucky guess? i mean i do have a pretty large following, it wouldnt be that hard to guess that!”

“beomgyu you cant expect her to believe that. your ideas are almost as stupid as the one that we are currently in!” heeseung replied in annoyance, turning his suggestion down almost instantly.

“fine!” beomgyu threw his hands in the air, running his fingers through the strands of his hair in frustration. “why dont we just admit that i am beomgyu, we reveal this whole entire plan, and—“

“you can not be backing out now!”

“well what else can i do?!”

“i dont know, something! youre thought she was easy to get with because shes obsessed with you!”

beomgyu paused for a second, an idea lighting up in his head as he heard the latter of heeseungs sentence. his fingers were working faster than his brain, as it automatically reached for his phone to press on the twitter application to search for your private account.

“you didn't tell me she was that obsessed,” heeseung said, peeking over beomgyus shoulder to take a quick glance at his phone, catching sight of the manifestations of 'marrying beomgyu' on your bio and your header. “you sure this isnt a fan account?”

“no, its definitely her.” beomgyu said, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “new plan. we tell her we stalked her account!”

“can you imagine how humiliated she's going to feel?” heeseung replied, his mouth twisting into a frown. "i want to get out of this situation as much as you do, but the last thing i want to do is make her feel like crap for being a fan."

“oh please, it cant be that deep," beomgyu emphasized. "her being exposed would just leave her with embarrassment for at most, a week. but if I'm exposed? i cant let myself suffer like that!"

“man i really do hope that yeonjun kicks your—“

“im back!” you announced, causing heeseung and beomgyu to jump in their seats at the abrupt noise.

“oh hi!” heeseung beamed after unmuting himself, giving beomgyu one final glance before resuming. “also, i know this might be embarrassing, but I found out about beomgyu through your private twitter.”

“what was that?!” beomgyu whispered-yelled, his eyes wide in judgment. “you could have given her a chance to breathe instead of violating her right when she got back!”

"i was just following what you told me to say!" heeseung replied defensively.

"yeah, but not like that!"

as beomgyu and heeseung continued to argue amongst themselves, what they failed to catch was the sound of you leaving the call, snapping the both of them out of their heated conversation.

the two simultaneously glanced at both monitors, eyeing the leave message from the game, as well as the fact that you were no longer present in the call.

“did she just leave?”

previous | masterlist | next

TAGLIST. @openingssequence @suburbiataehyung @shinypieceofgarbage @koeuh @captivq @beowmgyu @qluvrv @ikaeryn @whippedforbeomgyu @i8lhee @heyanonymous123 @vanicogh @sulliefimmie @tae-ology @milkycloudtyg @ox1-lovesick @soobsfairy444 @sulliefimmie @jaxavance @peachenle @pokyloky @peachybeom @alpha-mommy69 @fatoompie @ashxxgyu @soobsdior @viagumi @rikismiel @luvsoobs @lovejunz @wccycc @enha-cafe @kaeslily @hiddenboopy @cashew00nut @merendis @reverbtunes @lcvesickgyuzz @dear-dreamie @fragmentationss @chuuinggummy @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs @beomsbeanie @shigamiryuk @soobliss @woncheecks @sserafimez @ahnneyong @ghostfacefricker6969 @flrtsbin @beomomb @cathaerin (closed)

A/N. kind of a mid chapter but anyways beomgyu is a red flag smh

AND SORRY IF THERES SM WRITTEN CHAPTERS IM TRYING TO INCORPORATE MORE SOCIAL MEDIA 😭

[aezuria]

*ੈ✎ he's an all american boy!

content: american football player! jason grace x reader

╰┈▸ back cover: mortal! au; part I | part II

warnings: cursing (sorry guys), kinda random non-linear plot (but its hcs so its fine)

librarian's annotations: guys help i need a song title/lyric that fits this so it can be my title

also IM GOING FERAL I THINK THE ANGST MADE ME INSANE SO THIS IS HOW I COPE can you guys tell im projecting by the way ppl fawn over him in this

bro is actually hotshot #1

right when he walks into the school he is BOMBARDED with students like theyre papparazi

hes just

tall, handsome, buff- what more could a girl want?? (there are other criteria he meets but we'll get to that later)

the picture perfect quarterback straight from a damn movie

NOT TO MENTION HES NOT SOME COCKY JERK

at first ppl were like "omg hes so hot but im not gonna go up to him cause what if hes mean???"

and then he goes up to them and hes all shy like

"excuse me? i need to get to my locker, sorry if i interrupted your conversation." and hes scratching the back of his neck and smiling awkwardly

HEART EYES

word spreads fast in hs yall already know

so when everyone finds out hes not only tall, handsome and buff but also KIND??

head over heels

and hes not exactly oblivious to it but hes not fully aware of it either

probably like "oh yea a lot of ppl talk to me idk why tho its probably cause my friends are popular"

bby you’re the most popular out of your friends don’t even

hes such a good student too

teachers love him

hes everyones golden boy fr (especially mine teehee)

usually sits in the front of the class unless his friends make him sit with them in the back

then he pulls out his glasses that he keeps in its case, even having the lil wipe thing folded neatly

cue shocked gasps

"omg you wear glasses?"

"do you need to clean them? here have my handkerchief!" ("who even are you can't you see he has one")

"those suit you so well!"

his ears turn red at the sudden burst of attention and he laughs nervously, muttering his thanks

even the teacher wasnt mad at the disruption bc who would get mad at jason?

(he got little nudges from his friends after)

you guys know that one jock whose actually a nerd x nerd trope???

i dont even know if it exists but it sounds cute anyway

thats you and jason

he had his first conversation- if you could call it that, at the library when you guys were abt to grab the same book (ugh so cliche right)

being the gentleman he was, he let you have it

to which you tried to refute but he INSISTED

"oh, y/n it's yours. i'll just get a different one."

which got you a little intimidated bc who wouldnt be intimidated by a 6'2 jock thats the talk of the town

you thanked him profusely and scampered away

wait did he just say my name? how does he even know who i am?

that probably kept you up at night

like "oh my god did i just embarrass myself in front of THE jason grace???? did i walk away weird?"

little did you know that the jason grace was awake that same night

"did i scare her?? why did she look like that when i said her name? did my voice crack? did she think i was weird cause my hand brushed against hers? oh my god my hand brushed against hers.."

started noticing you EVERYWHERE after that

like he knew you guys were in some classes tgt

but he finds that he passes by you SO many times in the hallway

and somehow spots you at a table across the library

was that your usual spot? was this his usual spot now?

like what?? his delusional never-had-a-real-gf-because-that-one-time-he-dated-his-friend-she-turned-out-to-be-a-lesbian ass thinks its fate

very much influenced by all the books he reads (NO he does not read romance he simply finds an interesting book that HAPPENS to have romance)

(and if he did, WHAT OF IT HUH??? THEY COUNT AS BIG BOY BOOKS OKAY)

i have this headcanon that he remembers the name of everyone in his classes because he was always forgettable as a kid and no one really knew his name cause he was so quiet (or he tries really hard to remember because he has this aching feeling that in another timeline he could never remember)

so he doesnt want to make others feel that way and yea

BACK TO HOW HOT HE IS

(stealing part of this from my earlier rant)

its late, hes tired, but hes back in the library to cram for his test tomorrow

so unlike him, usually hed be on top of things, but his minds been on some... other things. persons. person.

hes still sweaty and sore from football practice, having (literally) ran straight here after changing

throws his bag down (quietly of course, he's not some brute) and takes out like three different notebooks, his worn pencil case from freshman year, and his glasses

jason slides them on, pushing it up the bridge of his nose as he gets up and searches for the textbooks he needs

he knows its more comfortable and less time-consuming to just study at home, after all he already has loaner textbooks given out at the start of the school year, but something in his heart wanted him to drag his beat ass here and work

and good thing too, because he sees a familiar hand grab a book from the other side of the bookshelf

not that he just knows what your hand looks like, that'd be weird

it reveals your beautiful eyes, ones jason would love to see closer

he smiles at you from the crack in the bookshelf, murmuring a soft "hello"

you think you just saw an angel with the way the warm light crowned his head

but when you offer to help him study??? he thinks he fell in love

you were his SAVIOR

thanked you a billion times every other sentence and fumbled over his words cause hes never talked with you for this long

his ears are bright red even though the ac in the library was always to the max

also how is he wearing just a shirt

not that you minded though, it gave you a chance to ogle at the way the fabric was fighting for its life to keep him under wraps

and daydream about fantasies that shall not be named (one involving a pink bow around his bicep)

you dont know how long you were helping and how long you spent daydreaming

you hoped you werent being too obvious (it was very, very obvious but jason was too focused to notice)

it felt like mere minutes when jason looks up, a tired but accomplished look on his face

he thanks you one last time, saying he'll make it up to you

you couldnt help but feel disappointed until the fatigue from the day hits you like a bus

he offers to take you home, saying it was too dark out, and that it wouldnt be safe

god, hes such a gentleman

you take him up on the offer as you did NOT plan on dying a virgin

walks you to your door too, can he get any better???

apparently he can because after he got his scores back for his tests, he rushes to you with a bright smile and presents them like a child with their artwork

”i got a hundred! it’s all thanks to you, you’re a really great study buddy!”

of fucking course he gives the credit to you how is he so humble??

like that was alllll him you just sat there and admired the view (so real for that)

after that he practically begs you to go to his next game, saying he'll return the favor by playing extra hard for you

(can he be extra hard for me tho)

you needed no convincing because a. hes jason grace. end of question. (and b, you know his ass would look great in his uniform GOOD GOOGLY MOOGLY)

he even said he’ll treat you if your school wins (which should be the other way around, but he again, insists)

they won, to absolutely no one’s surprise

took you to a cute lil cafe where you guys got drinks and sandwiches

then he overthinks it before bed cause he didn’t make it sound like a date but he really wanted it to be but he wasn’t sure if you felt the same and-

when you guys do start dating, everyones jealous but they cant bear to hate because you guys are just so cute together (bonus if youre short cause height difference couple !!)

he tried to keep it secret cause he didnt want to get you overwhelmed with a bunch of attention, but its obvious to everyone hes extra soft with you

he thought he was being sneaky when he slowly shifted his usual seat day by day to be closer to you so it wouldnt be obvious (spoiler: it was)

you assured him you were okay with your relationship being public if he was okay with it too

of course he is how can he NOT want you by his side forever

he sees his friends give their gfs their jersey to wear to their games and is like “i so want that” but he’s too shy to ask youu

but it’s written all over his face as you catch him staring intently at the way his friend hands over his spare jersey to his girlfriend when they think no one was looking

so, being the great girlfriend you are, took it upon yourself to ask him for it

which he gave to you a blushing, stuttering mess

the next game, he was worried

where were you? you weren’t usually this late; the game was about to start and he didn’t even get a good luck kiss yet!

he knows it’s probably nothing strange, that you’re just running late, but he can’t help but worry

the whistle blows and he sighs, getting into position, but not before sneaking one last glance at the bleachers

his sky blue eyes found you instantly, and was that-?

you were wearing his jersey, practically swimming in it as you waved your arm excitedly.

he broke into a wide smile, unfortunately hidden by his helmet, and waved back at you, forgetting all about the game for a moment until his friend whacked him upside the head

he buzzed with anticipation, wanting to just hurry and finish so he could run to you and spin you in his arms

you were his driving motive as he scored touchdown after touchdown, never letting the other team bridge the gap in their points

his team wins unsurprisingly, and the first thing he does is throw down his helmet and run to you, tackling you gently

he sweeps you off your feet and kisses you as you spin, giggles muffled by his lips

hes sweaty and sticky but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, the way his smile lights up the world is all that matters

and he knows that you’re his world, and he’d do anything to make you light up

[michameinmicha]

every time i watch s1e4 of tatortreiniger i fall completely in love with rebecca all over again

[absolutelyfizzing]

unwanted feelings

james potter x reader

description - You'd had a crush on James Potter for years and when he kisses Lily Evans in front of you, you are heart broken. Later you find that he didn't actually feel as you expected and he explains himself.

warnings - some angst, unsure reader, fem pronouns, self doubt, negative self talk, not eating for a day cause reader is avoiding someone

word count - 2800

A/N - so this one isn't my best work by far but i wrote it so looks like its getting posted. i don't know why all of my reader inserts lately are so fem and sort of bubbly, i guess it's sort of what i'm aiming for for myself right now but i'm sorry if it maybe isn't coming off as relatable.

MASTERLIST

Your throat tightened in anxiety as you watched James zoom around the pitch. He was reckless when he was playing quidditch and it was one of the things that made him great at the game and an excellent captain. It was also the thing that nearly gave you a heart attack every time you watched him play. You went to every one of his games and you always wore something of his with his colors when you were in the stands. You were stood up on your seat and a slightly bored looking Remus sat to your right, reading from a book you didn't recognize. You'd thought that Sirius playing would be enough to keep him interested but sports was just not something he enjoyed watching. You were usually that way as well but whenever James was playing, suddenly you were the most intent spectator in the stands.

You were more worried than you should have been. More worried than what was appropriate for a friend to be. That's what you were, friends. That had been reinforced many times by the shaggy haired boy and you tried desperately to get it through your head before you embarrassed yourself one of these days. Sometimes though, you just couldn't help it.

Really you might have thought he reciprocated if you didn't know any better. You often got comments on what an attractive couple you guys were but each time it was quickly corrected by James. Normally along the lines of 'Oh god no, we are just friends. Purely platonic' , sometimes followed by a shudder or a gag even. It upset you every time to no end but you played along. You rarely, if ever, contributed to the shooting down of any feelings but that was never noticed by the man you had feelings for.

You'd had a crush on him since you were probably in your second year and now you were coming to the middle of your seventh. There were a million times that you almost said something but every time there was a reminder that you were not the one he had eyes for. It usually took the shape of disgust at the thought of dating you or commentary as he pined over the Evans girl who you felt you could never compete with. How could you when she was just perfect. You saw her to the left of you as she stood in the stands as well and your hands shook with insecurity before looking back toward the game. Your heart raced nearly as quickly as James did around the pitch and you prayed that the snitch would be caught soon so that you could get rid of the stress surrounding you. You felt a hand on your right shoulder and you looked over to find Remus had stood and was looking at you caringly.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" He asked softly and you tried your very best to soften your gaze and calm your stance so you appeared less concerned with someone that you shouldn't have that much interest in in the first place.

"Of course I am. When am I not?" You smiled before looking out at the pitch.

"When youre watching the guy you're in love with play a dangerous game that you don't like." He stated simply in response to the question you meant to be rhetorical and your eyes widened.

"I don't know what youre talking about." You nearly whispered and Remus smiled.

"I'm not gonna tell anyone Y/N but its not exactly subtle. It probably doesn't help that I know the look on your face because it's how I feel too watching Sirius play." He was still smirking but your anxiety was far from eased.

"Oh god, does he know?" You asked scaredly, terrified that the answer would be yes and you would have to stop spending time with him.

"Shockingly, no." You sighed out in relief but Remus continued. "You should tell him though or else he might end up moving on."

"What do you mean? There's nothing for him to move on from. Everyone knows he's in love with Evans and he has made it pretty clear that he is opposed to being anything more than a friendly relationship with me." You choked out, struggling with the words leaving your lips but knowing them to be true.

"I mean he has a minor crush on Evans but it's nothing compared to the annoyingly huge crush he has on you. He's probably just overcompensating for the fact that he's insecure and doesn't want you to reject him."

"Why are you telling me this?" You asked sincerely. You were friends with Remus as you were with the rest of the marauders but it was nothing compared to the friendship they held within their group. You knew Remus was more loyal to James than to you so you couldn't understand why, if it was true, Remus would be telling you at all.

"Because he is trying desperately to move on seeing as he is under the impression that you aren't into him and I'd hate to see him throw something away that could be really good for him." Remus smiled gently and you looked at him gratefully.

"I really appreciate you telling me and all but I just don't think I can believe you. I can't even count how many times he has made a big show of not liking me. I love him too much to ruin what we have and I know that if I confessed and it went bad that I would lose him all together. I would rather have him in my life in a way that hurts than not have him in it at all." You stated sadly and Remus sighed but nodded in understanding.

"I get it but just know that I'm being honest and pretty soon he is going to give up on it. I just want to see you both happy but if its too big of a leap, I understand. That's exactly the excuse he tells the rest of us too."

Suddenly cheers erupted from the stands, cutting your conversation with Remus off as everyone ran to rush the pitch. The snitch had been caught and gryffindor won. You were excited for James but you were also a little terrified to walk onto the pitch to see him with the now conflicted thoughts running through your head. Your thoughts were stopped by the image in front of you which was causing the whole crowd to cheer. James had pulled Lily Evans into a kiss in his excitement and your heart stopped. You felt nausea rise in your throat and Remus caught your eye with a sympathetic look. You didn't look at him for longer than a second and you ran off the pitch with tears streaming down your face. You found your way up to your dorm, pushing yourself to get there quickly before the common room filled with students celebrating their victory. James was always one to love attention so he would be getting crazy after the game which he did just about every time they won.

When you made it to your bed, you hurried under the covers, throwing the shirt you were wearing which belonged to James onto the floor. You felt your heart clench at the despair you felt. You wanted to be upset at Remus for getting your hopes up but you knew he was sincere in his want to help. Still you felt that you would probably not be able to face James in the weeks to come. Maybe, given a little time, you could be around him and not be upset at the world for taking away your chance with him. As you laid in your bed, you stared at the ceiling. You felt tears streaming down your face and you grew angry at yourself. He didn't owe you anything, he wasn't into you. That wasn't his fault and it was so unfair of you to expect anything more from him when your feelings were not his responsibility.

You weren't sure how long you laid there but you could hear the party start and end in the common room. It must have been late. Sleep wouldnt come though, you could just feel your heart continue to break and you were stuck in a loop of self pity. You made the decision that the following days would be spent away from James if you could at all help it. That was probably what he wanted anyway and it was the only way that you would get over the pain you were feeling. At some point your roomates entered your dorm and sleep overtook you for a few restless hours.

When you woke up, the sun was barely on the rise. You hurried up and got dressed and ready. You were planning on getting to breakfast early to avoid running into any of the marauders. You found your plans were not going how you wanted when you entered the great hall to find a head of red hair next to a mop of black. Your throat tightened and you quickly moved to turn and head out of the great hall. You heard a familiar voice call your name but you rushed out before you could give it too much thought. You knew that if you let him try to convince you, you would end up having a very upsetting breakfast with your best friend and his new lover. You would rather avoid breakfast.

Throughout the day, avoiding James was proving to be harder than you had thought it would be. You had many of your classes with him and you even sat next to him in a few. He was insistently trying to get you to open up about why you were suddenly so closed off to him but you remained shut off, reassuring him that nothing was wrong and you were just a little tired from the game the day before. You avoided lunch for the same reason as you had avoided breakfast and you felt yourself starting to get a bit lightheaded. Your afternoon was spent avoiding James but soon he was preoccupied with Lily anyway.

You were hid in a corner of the library when a cough alerted you of someone's presence. You looked up to find the very eyes you hadn't wanted to see.

You pushed it down with a gulp and smiled a bit at him, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay but they were growing harder to hold back after keeping everything pent up all day. It probably didn't help that you were hungry and therefor a bit more emotional. You could feel the tears sitting in your eyes, waiting for something to go wrong so they had an excuse to escape you.

"I don't know what I did wrong." He mumbled while looking at the floor in front of you and you took a deep breath.

"There's nothing wrong James, I promise. It's just been a long day." You smiled and your heart picked up speed.

"Since when did we lie to each other?" He questioned and your heart stopped. You were left unsure how to respond.

"Since the truth would cause more damage than good." You spoke honestly. At this he looked up at you and your eyes met. A tear left you and James immediately moved to comfort you but you tried to move away, standing quickly to evade him. You regretted it as spots filled your vision, the lack of food catching up to you. You know that you turned a bit green for a moment because James looked slightly scared.

"Y/N I dont know whats wrong but you look like you should be getting to the hospital wing. You don't look well."

Before you could answer you felt your vision blacken and your legs give out before your consciousness left you completely.

When you woke up, you knew you were in the hospital wing. It smelled sterile and the bed was stiff underneath you. When you started to wake madam pomfrey came to check on you.

"You can't go around with an empty stomach like that again, do you hear me?" She scolded, though her eyes were soft. You nodded solemnly. "I was alerted that you hadn't been to the great hall to eat all day, you have to know that isn't good for you. I'm gonna have a prefect watch out for you the next couple days to make sure you're eating at meal times. Understood?" She asked again and once more you nodded before leaning back and sighing. You looked at your surroundings and were surprised to see the black haired boy next to your bed fast asleep. Your heart took off again and you felt trapped by your environment. As anxiety swirled around in your chest, James had woken up a bit.

"You're awake." James sighed, laced with relief. You still wouldn't make eye contact with him.  You felt the bed dip as he sat on it and you looked up to watch him put his head in his hands as he leaned over. You felt guilt fill your chest more than it already had from hating that you felt any claim over the man in front of you. You knew you were in the wrong and the last thing you wanted was to cause him any pain. "Remus talked to me." He almost whispered.

At that moment, you wished you could have apparated to anywhere else in the world. You looked back down at your lap and tears were once again brought to your eyes. You felt betrayal that Remus would reveal your feelings to James.

"I'm sorry." You apologized and you fiddled with your fingers.

"Why are you the one apologizing, I'm the one whos behaved poorly." He assures and you shake your head.

"That's not fair to yourself. You're allowed to want to be with whomever you want and my feelings should have no effect on that. You've made it clear for years that you weren't interested in me and it is my fault that I couldn't take a hint. I'm so sorry." You gushed out and tears started to fall from your eyes. You felt James get up from your bed and you prepared him to leave but instead you felt arms wrap around you and a kiss came to your head.

"Y/N I have had feelings for you for years. I was just always too scared for myself to even consider that you might feel the same." He whispered out but you felt only a different kind of pain. Even though he had now admitted his feelings, he was still dating Lily. Not you. Almost as if he could hear your thoughts he spoke quietly. "I broke it off with Evans." You pulled away immediately.

"What? Why would you do that?" You asked quickly and before he had a chance to answer you feared the worst. "Oh god is it because of me? James please dont let my feelings have any bearing on who you want to date, I can't stand the thought of being the reason you broke up. Even if we do have feelings for each other, you deserve a chance with Lily if that's what you want."

"It was mutual, actually. She understood that I had feelings for you and she said she had a crush on someone else. It just seemed like I had kissed her a bit rashly on the quidditch pitch and we agreed that we shouldn't have gotten together in the first place. It was only a day anyway." He reassured as he explained himself and you calmed a bit.

"So what does this mean." You got out, almost inaudibly.

"It means that, if you'll have me, I'd like to take you out on a date." He stated as if it were the simplest thing in the world and you almost couldn't believe your ears. Before you were even thinking you were nodding quickly, causing spots to once again fill your vision and James grabbed your shoulders to stabilize you before you both laughed. He pulled you by your shoulders toward him and he caught your lips in a kiss that somehow expressed all of the years of repressed feelings. When he pulled away he smiled at you and sat back on your bed. He spent the rest of the day with you in the hospital wing talking about all of the places he was going to take you in the coming weeks.

[khaleesiofalicante]

I really said fuck classes who needs notes anyway (i do I have 5 tests in the next two weeks)

before I post my live blog here, I feel like people really underestimate how bad rumors are and how much they fuck with your mental health. they don't lose sleep over them, they don't think twice. but these things are harmful as fuck. they leave wounds that take so long to recover from because you keep on thinking about these lies who to others are "just words"

I've been there. it's not fun. I wish I had the courage back then to stand up to those rumors which I have now. these things never leave you. others might move on but the healing process is a journey that is long and hard. I wish more people understood just what effect their words can have.

Yeah, he knew a thing or two about family members going overboard with glitter.

IT'S RAFAEL CENTRIC GHSYGUJDUYDFUIKFDUIDFIUDF

TAVVY

TAVVY

TAVVY

DCSUIHDCSUIDUYUDICUIVSDUIHFVSUILFBUHKIFSV

I feel like I keyboard smash A LOT

“You will never drink even if you are not riding the bike,” Dad had pointed out – all Consul Voice and threatening glares. “The legal age for drinking in New York is 21.”

“But it’s 15 in Idris!”

“Well unfortunately for you, we are in Exile,” dad had grinned.

DAD ALEC UHIKSFDUIHKSGUIKSDVUIHKDVUHIKSVD

Max had a habit of ‘borrowing’ things and selling them on eBay. In his brother’s defense, Bapak had so many clothes that he never noticed when things disappeared. But Rafael did since he had a habit of wearing his father’s clothes.

The warlock – not the shadowhunter.

He wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those sweaters.

Now that Rafael was 18, he was almost as tall as his father.

The shadowhunter – not the warlock.

I AM SCREAMING

I love how he's clarifying which one he's talking about

“Do you know I used to have a crush on Lily Chen?” Tavvy blushed. “But then I found out she made out with Helen once and it kinda got weird.”

Ah yes. I remember. Does Rafael know that Alec also walked in on them?

ARCHITECT TAVVY

SDHDVUHDFSV,YDSFVUYVSFFUSVFUVFS

SHADOWUNTERS ATTENDING MUNDANE COLLEGES

“Dude, college kids don’t give a shit,” Tavvy laughed. “You could walk into a lecture covered in runes, holding a seraph blade and they wouldn’t give you a second look.”

“Cause they are chill?”

“Yes. But mostly cause they are dead inside,” Tavvy chuckled.

Surprisingly that's exactly what my grade 6 prefect told me (DAMN WHY AM I ALWAYS REMEMBERING GRADE 6 IT'S BEEN YEARS. that was a horrible year *shudders*)

ANJALI IS A CENTURION

LMAO THIS IS WHAT RAFAEL MEANT WHEN HE SAID HE WOULDNT WANT TO GO TO THE SCHOLOMANCE FOR PERSONAL REASONS

I still ship them.

“The meeting is going to go perfe-What is SHE doing here?”

Well, that was a quick change-

Unlike Aunt Maia, Lily did not like to be called Aunt Lily. So, Rafael respected her wishes. Max of course continued to call her Aunt Lily and sometimes Abeula Lily since his brother had a pathological condition of pissing people off.

THAT'S SO MAX OMG JHSXUHSCUHISDHUHUKIDVS

great now I miss Raphael

I HAVE A CLASS IN 7 MINUTES STOP MAKING ME CRY

that is so thoughtful of him though...

tears.

“There are no photos of Raphael,” Lily sighed.

“Because he is a vampire?” Tavvy asked sympathetically.

“Because he is Raphael,” she grinned. “Vampires can most certainly take photos. You should follow me on Instagram. My handle is simp_for_carstairs.”

Of course, it is. No one is surprised.

Tavvy picked one up, took a large bite and it threw it back immediately. “Holy shit, that’s spicy!”

“White,” Lily and Anjali snorted at the same time.

white people and their bland foods smh

“She is not wrong,” Lily nodded seriously. “I’m a Jem Carstairs fan first and a vampire second.”

As she should be

UHDSUHDFSUHFDH ANJALI AND RAFAEL COMPETING ABOUT WHO'S LILY'S FAVORITE

He observed Anjali’s long dark hair spilled over her shoulders as her eyes stayed on Lily – sharp, protective and beautiful.

"Beautiful"

I AM NOT LETTING THIS GO

I'm THE DAMN CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP

FUCKING RUMORS

I'm GONNA KILL SOMEONE

“Shadowhunters are awful gossips,” Anjali said. “Let’s not waste our time with this nonsense.”

There was something in her voice. Something he couldn’t put his finger on.

No, wait I want to know what was in her voice.

But no. It couldn’t be. They weren’t dating.

YET

Rafael was sure there was something more than friendship between them. But David was polite to a fault and Max was an oblivious little shit. So, obviously nothing had happened yet.

OH MY GOD THESE TWO

But this was different. He would tolerate rumours about himself. But he would not tolerate rumours about his family.

I and Rafael will beat up the people who spread these rumors together :D

“She once told me she likes sipping tea more than drinking blood.

I-

same.

NOT THAT I DRINK BLOOD-

RAFAEL LMAO NO

"I hate her she's so annoying"

continues to daydream about her and how tall she'd be without those boots, lies to tavvy about her dating someone

Why did he do that? What was the purpose? Did he not want other people to date just because he wasn’t dating anyone?

And he calls Max oblivious.

oh class started

shit

IDC IDC I'LL STILL BE READING

LEXI AND SELENA ARE AT THE ACADEMY

JACE HYPER FIXATING ON THINGS BECAUSE HE'S BORED IS SUCH A MOOD

“David and I added rosemary to this one,” Uncle Jace wiped his hands on his apron. “It has definitely improved the taste, hasn’t it?”

“Save me,” David mouthed from behind the man.

LMAO POOR DAVID

“Empty nest syndrome,” Rafael chuckled. “I’m glad neither Max nor I had to leave home. My fathers are much worse.”

He remembered his first sleepover at the institute. His parents had waited for “an excruciating hour” before crashing the institute and joining the sleepover themselves.

yup, that's them.

“David,” Rafael grinned. “Are you afraid of my father?”

“What? No! He is the just a regular person…who can throw me in the silent city any time he wants,” David rambled and then shook his head. “Where is Max?”

He tried to sound nonchalant. But Rafael noted the way the other boy’s eyes fluttered every time he said Max’s name.

Just the way a crooked smile appeared on his brother’s lips every time someone said David’s name.

Idiots

ok, there is so much to unpack here.

DAVID HAS A VALID REASON OK??

These two are such IDIOTS HUSDUHISCUIDSVCUIHVSDUHI

“Max said Bapak is biased, and that he needs an unbiased tutor. Uncle Ragnor volunteered,” Rafael chuckled. “God bless the poor man.”

“Max isn’t that bad,” David replied.

“Looks like you’re biased too, David,” Rafael winked and picked up a spare bow from the training room.

of course, he is.

G-FORCE KJHSDCUISDYUKDFSUYKDSVYUSFD

oh shit

oh shit

WHO DID WHAT THIS TIME

what's the rumor and who do I need to kill

He didn’t know her well. But she knew a lot about him. Just as she knew a lot about the twins. She was one of those people who was oddly invested in his life just because Rafael happened to the Consul’s son.

what is her problem?

what the fuck

I need a minute

I need a minute to digest that

I'm so glad I closed my camera in class

what the actual fuck did she just say

tell me I'm hallucinating

times like these I wish I was Jared 19

no, because I'm actually speechless right now

Paige and Irene need therapy

OH SHE WENT THERE

“Paige, that’s enough!” the Dean snapped at her. “How dare you talk to him that way? You talk about warlock corruption but where all of you when Valentine exploited Jace and Clary? Where was this moral obligation when Valentine lied to his children and played with their feelings as if they were nothing but toys to be controlled and manipulated? I’m sick of shadowhunters victim blaming children instead of holding people like Valentine accountable.”

THANK YOU

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK SIMON

I feel like we all focus so much on the "incest" and hate on clace we forget that this part of the story was literally an abuser seeing that the victim was recovering and took the only thing which made him happy from him

I can't believe this

“Children have been suffering for a long time now, Paige,” Uncle Jace said now, his fists balled at his sides. “Where were you when Alec proposed the child protection bill? We didn’t see any of you supporting it.”

“We had other priorities,” the older woman replied. “People were dying! It was not the right time for a new law. We could have always signed that bill later. There was no rush!”

OTHER PRIORITIES MY ASS BITCH FUCK YOU

hey just realizing Rafael is the token straight

I'M SORRY IM TRYING TO DISTRACT ME

“The Cohort who made children kill themselves to prove a point?” Uncle Simon asked dryly. “That Cohort?”

I am so close to either crying or killing someone or both.

This was Max’s spot since it had the best Wi-Fi coverage.

yeah trust me I spend all the time in the guest room because it has the best wifi coverage or the study.

MAX IS SMOKING TOO

YOU FUCKING IDIOTS

oh wait

oh they might be alec's

yeah

For the next thirty minutes, Max paced around the room, threatening to portal all the shadowhunters to hell.

Then he went on about a plan to attack the cohort and portal them all to hell too.

He kept talking about portalling people to hell.

MAX YES LET'S DO IT!!!!

But here is the thing about people, they don’t get to you. You get to them.

They simply say something and leave. They probably don’t even mean the things they say or lose sleep over it. But it wasn’t the same for you. You obsess over it. You stay awake at night and let it consume your dreams.

YES! To others, it's just words. meaningless. to you, the effect can be so so deep. it's not easy to always brush them off.

NO MAGNUS

THAT'S IT

MAX AND I ARE PORTALLING PEOPLE TO HELL

WE'RE DOING IT

why do we hurt others?

my teacher: ill take a test on this chapter. all 20 units

me: softly crying because people are little shits and they hurt others.

“Fuck everyone else,” dad hissed. “They’ve hurt our family enough.”

EXACTLY. LEAVE THEM ALONE.

“I am simply being honest with you,” Dad interrupted. “I could never be okay when you are away from me. But I will manage. Max is going to raise hell though. So, that’s going to be fun.”

AS HE SHOULD

Neither Rafael nor Max would never admit it out loud, but on the day of that sleepover, on the day their parents had crashed the institute bcause they had missed the kids too much…Rafael and Max had been only a moment away from calling their parents to come pick them up.

He's right though.

it'll take time. lots of it maybe.

BUT THE ACTUAL AUDACITY.

It fucked with his mind so much.

Rafael...ALRIGHT WHERE ARE MY FLAMETHROWERS

“DAD! BAPA! WAKE UP! RAFE IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY!”

MAX REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF MY LITTLE BROTHER

He had forgotten about the bloody paperwork. Shadowhunters on their travel year had to notify the Clave and get their paperwork in order.

Well, it shouldn’t be a problem since the Clave was standing across the hall.

EXACTLY

Because it was killing him. It was killing him not to be lying on the couch, his head resting on his Bapak’s lap just like every other Saturday morning.

It was killing him not to touch, not to love, not to care.

GET MY FLAMETHROWERS AND CANNIBAL GOLDFISHES WE HAVE SOME WORK TO DO

(goddamn every class I have taken so far the teacher has told us there is a test coming up it's 9 am in the morning.)

His brother growled at that like the little feral animal that he was.

that's adorable actually.

“Fine,” Max rolled his eyes. “Does this mean I can also travel? There is a Twenty One Pilots concert in Sydney and-”

“Nice try,” Dad said. “But no. You are staying here.”

“Excuse me, but what about my healing?” Max demanded. “I’ve been traumatised by this thing.”

“You can go to therapy,” Rafael winked at this brother.

Therapy is boring but useful so-

He needed to survive this. So, he decided to go back to the place he had learned how to survive in the first place.

He needed to go back home.

UGLY CRYING WHILE TAYLOR SWIFT PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND MY HISTORY CLASS IN 2 MINUTES

I'm so proud of him for this...

I still say we kill these people.

JOAQUIN AND JULIETTE

UHISDCUIHFSDUGUIDFVDSDVFJHGDFVHUKDVHUKVF

Camilla Alvarez.

well well.

OH THEY KISSED

“Right,” Rafael had said. “Gap year. Besides, I do talk them. My brother threatened to paint my room in hot pink if I don’t text him every day.”

hands max a pint of paint HAVE AT IT

Max: Also – New Rumour. Dalliance between Lily and Tavvy.

Rafe: OMFG WHAT

Max: They are running with it and freaking old n*philim out.

AS THEY SHOULD UFUHIFUIHFUIHKFU

THE CENSORED N*PHILIM I'M SCREAMING

“He is hot.”

He laughed out loud. “Yeah. I hear that a lot.”

“Your dad looks kinda scary,” she pointed out.

Rafael laughed again. “Yeah. I kinda hear that a lot too.”

I'm liking this ship...

I'M STILL LOYAL TO THE RAFAEL AND ANJALI SHIP

but I'm happy for him. I'm glad he's getting the space he needs

Dad: Jst found legal age fr drnkng in Buenos Aires is 18.

Rafe: ????

Dad: I hv friends thr.

Rafe: ???

Dad: Thy r watchn u.

Rafe: Creepy but okay.

HJSDCGUIHJGSDCYUICVXUHVUHKDV

THE BOY'S DRINKING Y'ALL

Do it

MILA IS GOING TO NY!!

I like her. she's nice.

He was leaving soon. He didn’t see the point in lying to her. “I ran away from home. Kind of.”

“Why?”

“I hurt someone I love,” Rafael confessed. “The person I love most in the world.”

honey, it wasn't your fault... hugs

Shit. Why wasn’t Bapak going to the accords signing? He had been there for every single one since the very first time.

no no no no is something wrong?? I'm worried.

“You look taller,” Rafael told his brother who hadn’t grown an inch.

LMAO

Max and I are vertically challenged.

“Rafe, go to talk to him. Or I will tell everyone you’ve been smoking in the balcony!”

So, he was going to pin this on him, huh? This little shit.

well-

“You’ve progressed from freaking to fucking,” he pointed out.

“That’s not the fucking point, Rafael!” Max said in exasperation.

“You did it again,” Rafe pinched Max’s cheek. “My little brother is all grown up now. Linguistically I mean.”

“Dick."

I CAN'T WITH THESE TWO

When he had gone back to Buenos Aires, the place was completely different - even the shadow market.

There were no abandoned children in the streets. There were no racist and ignorant leaders exploiting innocent downworlders.

There was only growth.

His father had done that. Alec Lightwood had helped Joaquin and his people create a new world in Buenos Aires.

This shows how much people can flourish under good leadership if they really try.

YOU KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING THESE NOTES DOWN, NOT CRYING OVER THIS.

“I will protect our family. I will protect our friends. I will protect those who ask for my protection. But I will not tolerate their hate. I will not turn my head and pretend it doesn’t hurt. Because it does hurt and that’s not okay.”

Rafael smiled at that. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not okay.”

“The accords is important. But so am I. There is no point in signing a treaty that is meant to value equality if I have to sign it while being surrounded by those who refuse to respect me or my identity. I simply cannot do it, Rafael. I hope you understand.”

I'm sobbing like YES YOU DONT OWE THEM SHIT. THESE UNGRATEFUL BITCHES.

“It’s taken me a while to realize this. But I don’t owe the nephilim anything,” Bapak said firmly. “It’s about time they realize that too.”

YES EXACTLY

“I’ve known shadowhunters for a long time, Rafael. Good ones. Bad ones. All kinds of them – and shadowhunters have always defined themselves by their love. Not by your weapons. Not by your runes. Not by your last names. Not by your laws. Shadowhunters have always defined themselves by love. So, don’t ever let them take that away from you.”

I want this on a T-shirt. These damn shadowhunters and their love.

“Like the Accords Hall kiss?” Rafael grinned.

“It’s the stupidest thing your father had ever done – which is really saying something,” his father laughed. “But it’s also the bravest thing I’ve ever seen him do. And that’s how I knew.”

affectionate sigh that's alec.

“Good. Max is sitting in the porch and singing All by Myself,” Tessa chuckled and closed the door. “Just thought you should know!!”

Rafael giggled at that. “He must have given you hell.”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Bapak shrugged, and Rafael raised an eyebrow. “Fine. I might have promised to buy him a car when he turns 18.”

“You’re hoping he would stop aging by then, aren’t you?” Rafael chuckled.

Max is so dramatic I aspire to be like him.

Blue banners when the lost return, the shadowhunter rhythm said.

Rafael had returned home – and he was no longer lost.

I'm ok I say as I cry during my history class

I'm so proud of him.

“Well, that needs to be rectified immediately,” Dad said in the Consul Voice and literally yelled. “I am about to kiss my son – on both cheeks! You better gossip about this too!”

“Oh my god, stop!” Rafael giggled and tried to escape.

“YAS!” he heard Uncle Jace yelled from somewhere. “GIVE US A FOREHEAD KISS TOO!”

THEY ARE SO DRAMATIC I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH.

THEM ADDING TO THE ACCORDS AS THEY SHOULD OMG

“The hell is hate speech?” someone asked.

Do you not have a dictionary you uncultured swine

“There is a very clear difference between free speech and hate speech,” Cristina Rosales pointed out. “The fact that you don’t seem to know that is all the more reason for us to include this provision.”

YES CRISTINA

“By the angel,” an old man gasped. “There is no need to be so emotional. The younger generation can be such snowflakes.”

What if I just strangles him

“Discriminatory language?” a woman demanded. “What does that even mean?”

“Calling vampires bloodsuckers,” Lily Chen answered.

“Calling warlocks demon spawns,” Ragnor Fell pointed out.

“Calling werewolves fleabags,” Maia Roberts declared.

“Calling faeries half-breeds,” Kieran Kingson all but yelled.

The fact that they have had to deal with this shit for YEARS. (also why Kingson? isn't Kieran the king?)

THE QUEEN HERSELF IS HERE Y'ALL

“Which one of you shitheads said hate speech is harmless?” Anjali demanded, her voice booming over everyone and everything else.

YES ANJALI

Anjali had a grin of her own. “While that might true, Paige, there is most certainly a law on child protection. You didn’t just hurt Magnus Bane. You also hurt his son. Section 7 of the Child Protection Bill states that any person who physically or emotionally injures a child through ill-treatment, neglect, abandonment or abuse is guilty of breaking the covenant.”

“Damn straight!” someone yelled from the crowd – it sounded suspiciously like Kit.

CALL THESE BITCHES OUT YES

“Rafael is not a child!” someone yelled again. A lot of them this time. “It’s still not illegal. The law doesn’t say so!”

“By the angel, for someone who is obsessed with the law you people seem to know nothing about it,” Anjali said in exasperation. “The child protection law defines a child as a person under 18 years OR younger. The incident happened when he was still 18. It’s illegal.”

YES ANJALI FUCK THESE PEOPLE

“I’m the Inquisitor’s daughter,” she said. “Next time, think twice before you quote the law at me.”

SHOW THEM, QUEEN

How did she know his birthday????

ahem

“So, if you do hurt him emotionally, you can still be implicated. You will face charges and you can possibly be stripped of your runes,” Anjali pointed out seriously. “Now I ask you again. Does anyone else have to say anything about him?”

There was absolute silence then.

“Didn’t fucking think so,” Anjali spat. “I literally had to mention the stripping of your marks for you to respect another person’s basic rights. If you give half the value you place on your precious runes to other people, we wouldn’t be in exile right now.”

The Cohort looked terrified – of Anjali or their future in the Clave, Rafael didn’t know.

“People are dying,” Anjali said, her voice heavy now. “Our people are fucking dying, and you seem to be more bothered with who is sleeping with whom. Shame on you. Shame on all of you!”

She turned to the Council. The Inquisitor looked like he was going to cry from pride. Rafael’s dad looked half terrified but mostly impressed. Lily was blowing kisses at Anjali. The other downworld leaders looked quite pleased.

Shadowhunters are so fucking bigoted and narrow-minded. I'm seething right now.

also, alec looking scared-

“THAT’S THE BEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!” Emma Carstairs yelled.

“Goddamn, I wish Magnus was here to see this,” Uncle Jace grinned. “That was satisfying as hell.”

“No worries, I recorded the whole thing!” Kit put up his hand.

YES YES AND YES

“Fuck the Cohort,” Rafael giggled.

“Actually, I would prefer you use the word screw,” his father pointed out. “Screw the Cohort!”

“Oh my god, Dad!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “I am allowed to swear once in a while.”

“No, you are not,” Dad said firmly – this man was so not ready to meet Max’s new persona. “As your friend pointed out, you are still a child.”

Alec seeing Max curse left and right: 👁️👄👁️

"She hates me!"

“Rafael, she stood up for you in front of the entire Clave. She fought the Cohort. It was incredibly brave. I wish she had spoken to me before without causing all the chaos. So, it was a little stupid of course. But still brave.”

Stupid but brave.

YESYESYESYES IT'S HAPPENING!!!

ANJALI WHO HURT YOU

WHO DARED TO

Names. Give me names NOW

Jaime no...please no not Jaime.

please please, please

ok, I searched it up. And he can get treatment. He can live. It doesn't have to be serious. please, Jaime...

“If you ever tell anyone you saw me crying, I will drag you to Idris and drown you in Lake Lyn.”

This is such an Anjali thing to say.

OOO MILLA (Mila?) MESSAGED!!! Is there gonna be some sort of love triangle here??

me who despises love triangles (aside from TID of course): ...

BUT SINCE IT'S YOU I'M SURE IT'LL BE AMAZING. I'm still nervous about this though...

UHCUHDVUKDVHUKVHUVHM I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO SO SO MUCH IT WAS A LITERAL ROLLERCOASTER AND ANJALI QUEEN I LOVE

see ya on Friday!!

OKAY I AM LOVING THIS ENERGY BUT PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR CLASSES FJKSDFHJKSJFHKD I PROMISE THE STORY IS GOING TO BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK LOL.

But I am so glad you like it. Amidst all your screaming and chaos, I always find very perceptive and profound observations. It's fantastic! I love it so much!

Thank you for enjoying LBAF - and good luck with your tests!!!

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[angelicguy]

the perfect easter

Brint Kelp was just like any other highschooler at Sweetpea Public: he loved playing magic the gathering, getting sick headshots in Call of Duty: Iraq Nightmare and fucking his socks. but easter was coming up, and with it the big school dance!

he didnt have a date, and needed one quick: but his mean old science teacher Mr. Hitler was keeping him after class to do busywork! ever since Brint put a bomb in his car last year as a prank, Mr. Hitler has had it out for the poor kid just because he had 4 dogs in his passenger seat! but Brint knew that if his friends found out that he was going alone, they would permanently ostracize him. he had to think fast!

Brint felt around in his 40x50 cargo shorts, with pockets as big as body bags. a baseball bat... no..... a gordo from kirby.... no.... tropical tums... no... wait! a familar rectangular shape met his palm! the penicillin tablets he stole from his younger brother! Mr. Hitler had a penicllin allergy, which meant all Brint had to do was drop it in his very very cloudy beverage to knock him out cold!

"hey Mr. H, can you go grab something from my locker? I forgot my notebook!"

"bullshit Brint, I know you're trying to poison me just so you can get a date for the big egg basket bash. and i know you dont use a notebook because of the giant gen 1 ipad you use for all your notes/to look at pictures of guns on. youre not going anywhere"

"Mr. H i put another bomb in your car"

"FUCK" said Mr. Hitler, as he ran out of the room. he knew Brint was bluffing but couldnt take the chance; he had his priceless family heirloom in his trunk, a faberge egg made out of swarvoski crystals that spelled out "HENTAI".

Brint chuckled and tiptoed over to Mr. Hitlers now unattended water bottle. he took a quick whiff and his suspicions were confirmed. it was 4 parts sprite zero and 4 parts angostora bitters, also known as "The Dutchman's Delight," a favorite of teachers at Sweetpea. the pill dissolved and turned the previously beige drink a dark blue, with a little skull and crossbones cloud floating out of the top.

Mr. Hitler stormed back in, covered in motor oil and sweat. "Brint, youve lied to me for the last time. youre gonna be in detention until you graduate you fucker! muahahahahah!" he was so high on power that he didnt look before taking a swig from his now poisoned drink, which instantly knocked him out cold and also caused him to shit himself. Brint's plan worked! he tied him and put him in the schools meat freezer, which wouldnt kill him but keep his heartrate barely above the required minimum to stay alive.

Brint sprinted outside to scope the campus out; he needed a date fast! He ran on all fours towards the cafeteria, where the hottest teens were swapping spit and sharing a huge, scalding Dr Pepper (a Sweetpea, Oregon delicacy!) not a single one of them were wearing a mask.

Brint knew his time was limited, so he decided to ask out Stacy Castle, the girl whose parents were the most divorced. he improvised a 30 minute rap about being white in LA, which functioned as an irresistable mating call for the entire school. she swooned and wrapped her arms around his. the camera pulled in on Brints face, winking at the camera.

as he walked outside, Weezers smash hit "Beverly Hills" played over the intercom as the entire sophomore class clapped for the new couple. Brint said his famous catchphrase "guess im just that homie with a heart!" and winked at the camera again. the entire school exploded immediately after, as it was Mr. Hitlers turn to adjust the settings on the boiler. no one survived

[glassartpeasants]

Dead to Me

Neito Monoma x Reader

Warnings: Angst, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, this gets dark so read at your own risk guys

A/N: Like i said this is one of the darker things iv’e wrote on this so blog so far. Not for the faint of heart.

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You sat in the cafeteria looking across the head of your fellow classmates to see your boyfriend Monoma sitting with his own class. You tried to catch his attention but it proved to be a failure.

“Well that didnt work...” You saw with a grumpy look on your face.

“Man how did you even end up dating him (y/n)? He’s an asshole to the entire Class of 1A!” Your friend Mina said as she gave you a little pout.

“I dont know he just ended up asking me out and now we’re dating!” You said happily. Even though Monoma could be a bit much sometimes you still loved him with your entire being.

You turn your head again to see to bright baby blue eyes looking at you. You smile and wave at him waiting for him to wave back. You hand slowly went down as you saw him laughing and pointing at you. 

You never head good self esteem so your mind immediately went to thinking that he was making fun of you. Your cheeky smile turning into a small frown as you glanced again to see him still laughing.

‘Maybe he’s just laughing at someone else?’ You thought to yourself, trying to convince your mind that he wouldnt make fun of you. He loved you...

Right?

================================================

A few days after the cafeteria incident you had begun to notice that Monoma was starting to hang out with you less and less. You wanted to ask him about it but you didnt want to be seen as clingy. So you just suffered in silence as you watched him slowly drift away from you. Your head sending you all the signals to ask him, but your heart wanted to believe that there was a good reason to why he was doing it.

You were walking towards the 1A Class when some upperclassman decided it would be funny to pick on you.

“Wow would you look at this little baby! How did someone so usless get into a school such as UA?” Him and his buddies only laughed as you try to stutter out an insult. You turn your head towards the door and see Monoma walking out, you tried to get his attention, which worked this time but instead of helping you he only turned his head and walked towards his classroom. You turn your gaze back to the upperclassman before getting a quick slap to the face by one of them.

“Speak when spoken to bitch.”

================================================

The bullying from the upperclassman had started to really take a toll on your mental health. You would try to do anything in your power to avoid them but they always found you. You wanted to tell the teachers but you were afraid they would believe you. They planted that thought in your brain as you slowly believed them.

You begged Monoma to walk you to class, hoping if he saw the fear in your eyes he would listen. Much to your dismay he didn’t.

You would always come to class with some sort of new bruise on your body. Everyone started to worry about you, they slowly started to think Monoma was abusing you. Which you said wasn’t the case. When asked who did it, you tensed up and froze in fear, worrying that they may be near.

You finally told someone about it when you were hanging out with Jirou. She had asked you what was going and you finally told her what was happening. And everything that has been happening with Monoma. She looked at you and gave you a nice bone crushing hug as she asked you why you didnt tell anyone.

“I was afraid they wouldn’t believe me..”

“Oh (v/n)...were going to report them. Im not standing by and watch as you get hurt!”

================================================

A few weeks have passed since then and things were finally starting to be looking up! The upperclassmen who were bullying you had gotten expelled since, ‘bullying is not what hero’s do’. You were finally able to walk the halls with being in constant fear again. Your mental health still wasnt at its peak but it was slowly getting better!

But only one more thing still wasn’t looking brighter. And that was your relationship with Monoma. He kept on acting the same way, maybe even worse then before! As much as you hated the feeling you had started to grow bitter. Why was he ignoring you? What did you do to make him pissed at you?

You finally swallowed your anxiety and went up to talk to him. Taking a deep breath as you went up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. You were the only one’s in the hallway.

“Hey Monoma..did i..did i do something wrong?” You said trying to sound confident.

“What do you mean?” He asked. You sense a hint of smugness in his voice.

“Like you’ve been ignoring me all this week...what happened i thought we were doing-”

“Ah ah ah ah, im going to stop your right there. You see my dear our little ‘relationship’ was all but a dare.” Your eyes widen as sadness washed over you like a tidal wave. That couldn’t be tu\rue he said that he had loved you..was it all just a lie?

“W-what? B-b-but i thought y-you-”

“Well you thought wrong dear (y/n).” A snicker after his words. Your eyes swelled up with tears before pushing away from Monoma and running back to the dorms. Not caring if you missed class.

================================================

You sat in your dorm, crying your soul out. You had loved him and told him secrets that no one else knew. You thought he truly loved you. The more you thought about it the more it hurt. You felt like your whole world came crashing down. Your tears burning your face as they kept coming.

Ding!

You looked down at your phone to see a text from Kirishima asking why you weren’t in class today. You could see the text message with it counting as reading it. You have to click on the app to do that. You throw your phone to the other side of your bed before laying back down and crying some more.

Once you woke up from your nap, the thoughts came rushing back again. What if they were just like Monoma? What if they were only your friends because of a dare too? 

All those thoughts running through your head at inhumane speeds, until one stayed still.

What if you just ended it?

Your heart stopped at the thought. Why would your brain even think about that? But no matter how hard you tried to forget the said thought more and more voices plowed there way through your head filling it with horrible thoughts. Slowly picking at your insecurities. Feasting on your every flaw. You slowly get up from your tear stained bed. And you look at yourself in the mirror.

Fat

Ugly

Worthless

All but a dare

The last thought hit you like a brick as you fall to the floor with your head in your knees.

Your quirk was called Frost. You pretty much had the power to manipulate Frost. Meaning everything you touched would become covered in an a sheet of ice. That why you had to wear gloves, kinda like Shigaraki you needed to have all five fingers on said target for your power to work.

You just stared at your hand, tracing over every curve and looking at it with deep intensity. Before you could do anything else you put all five fingers on your ankle, causing your ankle begin to have a sheet of ice covering it. The frost started to quickly spread around your body and onto the floor. You head you head in your knees as you felt your body heat lower, the Ice completely claiming your body as one. A single tear slipped down your face before your entire body and room was covered in a layer of ice. Your phone buzzing with texts from worried classmates.

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After class had ended practically the entire class of 1A ran to their dorms to find you. You never missed a class. 

As soon as they entire the dorms they all shivered. It had to be below zero in there. As they hugged themselves tightly they walked up to your room. As the tried to knock and upon the door they had realized the handle had been frozen solid. Bakugo having enough time worrying blasted the door open with his quirk. Everyone gasped as they saw your frozen form on the other side of the wall. They were quick to grab you out of the ice and bring you to Mr. Aizawa.

Once they reached him, he asked what happened. Which they all replied with i dont know. You were quickly taken to the nearest hospital everyone doing their best to thaw you out of your frozen cocoon.

Once at the hospital your body had been completely thawed out and was ready to be put in EC unit. You body temp was so low that they put every heater they had in the room.

The nurse looked at the class and told them that if they were a minute later you would have died from hypothermia.

================================================

Monoma walked into school the next and was met with angry and ugly looks the entire time.

‘They hell did i do?’ He thought to himself. You never once crossed his mind. 

Liar

After he said those things to you the look of betrayal and sadness in your eyes shot a spike of guilt through his chest. Before he could say anything you had run out of the building. 

Now here he was the day after you got put in the hospital reciving ugly looks from everyone.

“Hey Kendo do you know what everyone is talking about?” The blonde boy asked his ginger friend.

“Wait, you didnt hear? (y/n) is in the hospital. Apparently they tried to commit suicide. Sad right?” A wave of guilt, sadness, and disgust completely takes over his body.

 How could he live with himself knowing what he did to you? That he made you take that dark path.

News Flash he couldn’t.

The next day the blonde boy walked up the he hospital you resided at and getting ready to see you.

Once he saw your lifeless form he dashed his way to the bed to slowly stroke your hair. Sitting on a chair to get closer to you before hearing you wake up.

You slowly turn to Monoma, your eyes once filled with happiness was now full of hate and disgust.

“What are you doing here?” You snapped at the boy. Disgust evident in your voice.

“i just came to say-” 

“Leave.”

“What?” Your words shushed him as he looked at you with wide eyes was he tried to grab your cheek to make you look at him.

“You heard me leave. I never want to see you again you understand Neito Monoma?” You looked him right in those blue eyes you use to love so much and said something you could never go back on.

“Your dead to me.”

[queer-as-frikc]

My coming out story is weird, it gets a lil transphobic so tw near the end tw long post too

So, pretty much throughout my time growing up through elementary school and half of middle school, i grew up in a white middle class area. I didnt know about the LGBTQ+ or anything other than what I saw, which was white people and an occasional poc. Eventually I had to move and I ended up in a super diverse area, and ended up becoming best friends with this person (they are ftm now so imma use the right pronouns but they were f when this story mostly takes place) he told me all about things I didnt know, specifically the LGBTQ+ community and that he was pan, and it was new information so just like any 13 year old learning new things, I questioned myself, I questioned if I could like the same sex or not or possibly more.

Sadly, drama happened between my best friend, his girlfriend and I, so thing got a little weird. But there was a time in winter, when he was off that relationship for more than a month and he said he'd like to date me, and I really thought about it before hand and said yeah, I couldnt tell you how happy I was to have this experience.

I told my mom that night, in a round about way cuz I was nervous, "Hey mom, what if I liked girls?" She told me she doesnt think that I do, because I always expressed feelings for guys, and when I tell her I didnt really understand what being gay was when I was younger, I didn't really know it was a possibility. She snapped at me and said, "Unless you are willing to kiss a girl and do the other stuff, you arent gay at all."

Eventually I have a sit down conversation with her, about how confusing this all was and how I wish I knew how I felt, and so on. She said she had a similar questioning phase but it never stuck so she doesnt think I am.

Like a month later I figure it out and dude that was so gratifying. I came out as bi to my mom, who just dismissed the whole thing, but I was terrified to tell my uncle (it's a long story about that, no it's not "sweet home Alabama") because he always said bi's were wh*res so yeah. I ended up telling him, and he goes, "You know my opinion on it but that doesnt mean that I'll disown you or anything." Btw the relationship (dating wise) with my best friend after he came out as ftm because he went back to his ex, it's all cool tho.

So that was that, or so I thought. It was my first year of high school, and I finally really understood the definition of pan, what was holding me back though was the trans experience, I thought because I didnt know what it was like, I couldnt be pan, even though I didnt have a preference, turns out it just means you like people no matter their gender and it like, clicked finally so yeah. I've told my family about that since but I a similar reaction: my mom said she doesnt think I am and she lectured me on my generation having so many labels and how she hated it. My uncle said he appreciated that I was pan more than me being bi which confused me but he just had a better view of pansexual than bisexual. (I explained to both of them what the difference was but idk man)

I believe it was my second year of high school when I really started to question my gender, and that was mostly because I saw a video of what gender dysphoria looks like if it's not that strong and you arent aware for ftm. So like wearing bagging clothes all the time, always wearing sports bras, and practically no other bra, feeling really good if someone accidentally calls you sir, etc. And I was like, oml it's me. But it wasnt, I didnt find that out until later tho. So, with my friend group, I find a name that seems to fit me well and ask them to address me by it and he/him pronouns, as like a test of sorts. (All of my friends are gay in some way so it was cool) In the end tho, I got a little iffy about the whole thing and wouldnt ever correct them at times or it was just off for me. I felt really bad because I thought that they might have thought that I was just trying to force myself to be more like them, but I wasnt, i still felt bad though and kinda dropped it.

I'm not sure 100% how I figured it out tho, but I remember talking to my best friend (not the same one from middle school, they were my best friend as well but they arent the same person) about the whole experience and I believe they brought up the idea of genderfulid, and I was like :0.... what that. They explain it, you go aall over the gender spectrum, some days you might feel like a boy, others you might feel like you have no gender, some days you might feel like your gender is something completely weird and different, that's just what it is. And I was like, "It fits but like, I barely feel femme at any point in time, maybe like once a year." And they tell me, that's ok and stuff as long as my gender just decides to be a completely weird and went all over the place, it counted, so I was like, "I finally figured it out!!!" And i was so happy.

Then came the time I was comfortable enough to tell my parents. I had been using the label genderfuild for over half a year already and I thought that it was what I was so it was ok to tell them. I saw how ok me being gay went, so I was nervous but not as nervous as I should have been, probably. I told my mom first, she went on a similar rant of her no liking my generations labels and such, but it went fine, I explained it, I thought I was through, I thought I was fine, apparently not. One day I'm in the shower and I hear my mom being very expressive with what ever shes talking about to my uncle, which is fine, she needs someone to vent to sometimes. When I get out though, and I can here her clearly, I hear sees complaining about what I told her recently, that I'm genderfulid, but instead of saying that, she only says I want to be a boy. (Oh no) So shes complaining to him, asking why I cant be more like her and just be a masculine girl and be fine, why do I have to fit in with the crowd of my generation to feel special, why cant I just be fine with who I am now? Etc.

The sad thing is, that night, I was going out shopping for pants and underwear with my uncle because I needed some and I wore men's pants already at that point, because they are more durable, and stuff so I knew it was gonna be a long ride. My mom was snippy with me that whole night, just the entire time which sucked.

When we finally left to go get clothes though, I didnt know it could get worse. My uncle lectured me about how that's just my generations fad, and how his was making tattoos and piercings ok in the work place and mine is being trans a gay and all that crap, and that I'm just trying to fit in, I'm not being myself, no matter how much I chop myself up and cut my hair and take hormones my chromosomes will never change and so I can never be an actual guy. He also said that I would bring just more attention to myself being a woman who does guy things rather than try and be one, and he thinks I'm doing this all for attention. I was mad but silent at this point, I didnt want to cause anything to happen. He ended up asking me, "So did you pick a different name?" I was surprised but I said yeah, and my friends were using it and it seemed to fit better. He asked me what it was and fear over took my body. I told him, "I'll only tell you if you dont use it against me if your mad." He says, "i cant promise that." And then gets mad because I wont tell him. Though I do, because I feel obligated since hes buying me clothes. To be even more confusing, he buys me guys underwear, and undershirts along with the predetermined pants he promised me and now I'm so confused.

But it gets even worse. When we get home, my mom freaks out on him because be bought me all that mens stuff and she said he was encouraging my behavior and stuff, he defended with it's just clothes, and yah it is. Eventually things settle down, obviously my mom isnt talking to be, but that's for the best at this point. I'm in the living room with my uncle and he just then starts harassing me with questions like, how do you know? he asks. "Well, I just feel that way, same as you." I say. But why do you wanna be a guy? he asks. "I dont wanna be a guy, it's just weird that way. Also it's not me being a guy, it me being many more than that," I say. He says that's bullsh*t. I offer to show him videos that better explain what trans is and how it's an actual sciencey thing and stuff but he said he wont take a video because he wants me to say it. And then he just goes off, saying the name I picked out shows how self centered I am because I am selfish, he kept asking me if i liked to fight, to catch and play with bugs, to be strong, to be angry all the time, and all these stereotypes for men and I just left, and went to bed. He wasnt going to listen to me, so there wasnt a point to me staying.

But, it gets worse. The morning comes and I'm awoken by the slam of my door by my uncle and the laughter of my mom. My uncle starts being really aggressive and starts cleaning my room, I only have clothes on the floor mostly so that's all it was, but he starts saying, well if you're gonna be a man, imma start training you like one, the man of the house picks up after everyone, the man of the house does everything he can to help the house run smoothly, the man of the house has to be strong, and all that stuff. (Which I thought was funny because he was "the man of the house" yet I did everything, and still do. I clean up most after him, funny huh.) And, I know what's happening and so I stay in bed, I don't want this to happen. But I literally get ripped out of my bed by my uncle and get told to stop being a little b*tch and a brat because I'm being selfish by my mom and I'm yelled at to sit in the living room and wait while my uncle cleans my room. When hes done hes starts lecturing me and being all aggressive and in my face. He keeps asking me a million questions with the tone that he didnt care so I knew he wouldn't listen. Eventually, him and my mom leave, I'm told to stay there until I get back. When they do get back, they act like everything is fine, nothing happened between them and I and it's just been so hard for me to talk to them about that since.

I'm greatful that I dont have to deal with that anymore but every time something that that is brought up with my family, I panic so much now. I'm fine and I'm safe but it was very traumatic for me. And uh, thanks for listening.

hey, thank you so much for sharing your story. this was just. so heartbreaking. noone deserves to have a person like your uncle in their life. im so sorry you had to go through all of that. i hope you’re in a much better place now <3 (also i loveeddd reading about how you figured it out) =)

again, tysm <3

[irameii]

You ||: JUYEON

Warnings: none really

Summary: I love you y/n

Juyeon:"Prettys on the inside y/n"

Y/n:"I know , I know Juyeon but common. Do you see her though. Shes just so much prettier than me"*sigh*

The male just looks at me . From the way he looks, almost like hes upset is enough to get me to stop talking about our college campus beauty.

Juyeon:"You'll see eventually, look closer in the mirror. y/n and you can see it. Its all on the inside. "

Y/n: "Alright alright. Hey Juyeon, help me pick out my outfit for my date today?"

Juyeon: *Hesitates* today? Um, sure. What time ?

Y/n: once our 1 pm class is over? He said theres this garden he wants to show me so I want to look as pretty as the flowers that will be there.

Juyeon: *light chuckle*alright y/n

Y/n: thank you Juyeonieee !!!! *skips away to class *

OtherPOV

Juyeon sees as his bestfriend happily skips away. Letting out a heavy sigh. Feeling a knowing feeling he knows all too well. He loves Y/n. But she has a Boyfriend so he cant do anything about it. Your smile, your laugh, you. It was you. It was complicated.

*Later that evening*

Juyeon sat on your couch while you went to get different outfits. The sound of your rambling when you were choosing outfits to show Juyeon made him laugh to himself.

Y/n: OMG Juyeon. Look okay so how about this skirt with this top? Or should we keep it classic with this top and a pair of ripped jeans?

Juyeon: *finger on chin* mmm both look good. But what do you feel more comfortable in? You will be wearing it for a few hours, and it might get slightly colder tonight.

Y/n: true *looks at self* so the top with the jeans? With a loose upward pony tail??* turns around to look at Juyeon*

Juyeon: uh yeah... That'd be nice.

Y/n : okay !!thank you Juyeonieee . Im gonna go ahead and get ready, stay till i leave so you can help me see how it looks !!! * skips along to bedroom*

Again. He slightly chuckles as he watches you leave. You had that habit. Everytime he said or did something for you you would always call him Juyeonie and skip along almost like an innocence he loved about you. Or when you'd simply look up at him to smile, he loved it about you. The way your eyes would go big and then your eyebrows would go up and down with your mouth slightly open when you'd try to get his attention to make him lose concentration cause you'd gotten bored studying. He enjoyed your habits. Thats when he realized he loved you.

Y/n: Juyeon!!! Help me with this hairclip.

Juyeon: *opens clip and places on head* is this the one i got you?

Y/n: *turns around, looks up* yeah, its really pretty .

Juyeon: yeah..... *looks away with a slight blush*

Y/n: okay. So how do I look? *spins*

Juyeon: * smile forming* Beautiful. You look beautiful y/n...

Y/n: Thank you Juyeonieee.❤I'll see you then!!!. Thanks for helping meee. I'll tell you how it goes!!

Juyeon: okay....

Juyeon didnt want to hear it though. How your boyfriend makes your heat skip a beat. How that smile you give Juyeon was bigger when you were with your boyfriend. How he made you feel in love.... But he was your bestfriend.... And talking about it made you happy, but he felt Jealous.. The way hed get to hold your hand. Or the way youd hug him, or let him lay his head in your lap... He felt jealous.... But there wasnt anything he could do....he was just your bestfriend.

Next day

There were marks on your neck. Evident that your date with your boyfriend went well. But it didnt sit well with Juyeon the moment he saw them.

Juyeon: whats this?

He says it with a different tone than you're used to as he pulls your hair back away from your neck to see them. Things got heated between you and your boyfriend last night, you didnt think anyone would notice since you tried hiding it with makeup but it seems it didnt get passed Juyeon though.

Y/n: * slightly steps back* things got a little heated last night after the date. I tried to cover them up though.

You dont notice the look he gives you as you look away and focus back on the teacher. You heard a clicking sound from him but when you looked at him he turned back to the teacher.

Juyeon was acting off the following days.. He started talking to the college campus beauty and her friends. He would walk her to and from class. And would swing by her table before finding his was to you Which was odd since he said he didnt really like girls who wore so much makeup because it hides their natural beauty. So it was odd that he suddenly had interest in them now. Saying you were feeling a little jealous was something you didnt want to come to terms with. But you couldnt do anyrhing about it since you guys were just friends so you decided to ignore it but youd steal glances every now and then and its make your chest tight. And the way he talks to you were just short responses maybe a hey here and there but that was all.

After the next 3 weeks he would do it. Casually put his arm around her and laugh out loud when you would walk past him. And eventually you had enough of it. And decided to confront him.

Y/n: Juyeon

*silence*

Y/n: Juyeon

*silence*

Tired you pull him by his shirt collar outside to the back of the library.

Y/n: whats up with you? Why have you suddenly changed??

Juyeon: why? Whats wrong with wanting to talk to others ?

Y/n: you know thats not what I mean Juyeon. You have hardly been speaking to me and now its now to nearly nothing. Something is wrong. Please......

*Bell rings*

Y/n:*sigh* meet me at my place to talk Juyeon. I mean it.

You turn to leave , not letting him give you a response. He stood there frozen. Not knowing what to do. He knew if he went , he might mess up and confessing... He didnt know what to do. The desperate look on your face almost made him confess right there. But he bit his tongue.

Lunch time

Juyeon: hey y/n.... I cant make it. Im sorry.

Y/n: LEE JUYEON you WILL come no matter what time it is. Ill wait for you to come. I dont want us to be like this anymore. Please come.

*puppy eyes*

You wre doing it again... Making him speechless... Making him give into you... He didnt want that look on your face. He wanted you to look at him... But not with those eyes... Not ones with sadness and dissapointment in them...

Juyeon:okay...

Y/n POV

It was 10pm and he still hasnt come... Maybe I did something wrong..

My bf isnt talking to me either... I kept complaining about Juyeon not talking to me anymore and how things were different and he snapped . He didnt want to hear about him anymore and said we should take a break since he said i need to determine who i like more. Him or my bestfriend... Now Ive lost both of them....*sigh*.... *falls alseep*

You didnt hear the door click open. Juyeon had an extra key for when you were sick or needed something and hed fetch it for you. Your boyfriend was always busy except every now and then so giving him one wouldnt have much of a purpose. If you were sick he'd call and say he felt bad you were sick but since he had a weak immune system and didnt want both him and you sick he wouldnt come. But Juyeon never hesitated to. Hed hold up your hair as you would throw up and rub your back for you. He'd wipe you down to lower your body temperature. He'd try and cook porridge and end up messing up it up and calling his mom to make some that was edible instead for you. It was always Juyeon. The one who would remind you that you looked best with bed hair and baggy pjs and tshirts when hed surprise you in the mornings if you had an exam to make sure you ate a good breakfas because that was when you were most comfortable.

But to you. It was all platonic. So you knew better than to fall for him like that...

Blissful in sleep you wake to Juyeon on his knees infront of you. He didnt wake you. He just layed his head on your little table facing you.

You really didn't realize it. But you couldnt help but start to admire him. The way his eyelashes casted a shadow on his cheeks. The way his lips formed a slight pout. You felt yourself smiling. You reach to move a piece of hair out of his face but you quickly retract your hand and turn around and pretend to sleep when you feel he's waking up.

After 5 minutes pass. You hear shuffling. Then a voice in a so quiet almost in a whisper you hear him sigh then ... He starts...

Juyeon:

Y/n.... I like your eyes, and how you look away when you pretend not to care* chuckle*....I like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear when you see me.*looks towards the ground* The world may not know but I do. I loved you for so long y/n, sometimes it's hard to bear with it .But after all this time, I hope you can wait and see ... See that Ive loved you every minute.... every second.... I'll love you anywhere and any moment for every moment.Always and forever.... I know ....its wrong... I don't know how its come to this... I cant help that I love the little things about you, like when you're unaware...I catch you steal a glance towards me at times and smile , maybe I misunderstood it... And then sometimes when life brings me down. You're there.... you're the one, I don't know how but it feels like in a world devoid of life, you bring color to it. You are the color in a black and white painting. And in your eyes I see the light. A light i want to follow forever and protect....I love you y/n..... But you're not mine...

He goes quiet again. You slightly turn around to see Juyeon with his face in his hands. Tears running down. Trying to quietly hide his pain..

You reach your hand out to him, and pull his hand away from his face. He looks up at you in shock. But then he quickly turns away. Something about looking at his sad and teary eyes made you lost for words..

Y/n:Juyeon...

You pull him closer to you. Hug him tightly and slowly feel him wrap his arms around you.

Its quiet... As you pet his hair, you can feel his breathing become slower.. He's fallen asleep. You strech your head to see his face. Its stained with tears... His nose a light shade of pink... And his lips in a small pout....

Almost as if on cue, his eyes flutter open and look at you . And as he quietly looks at you you whisper back....

Y/n: ..... I love you too Juyeon...

Juyeon:..... Huh? Wait what?

Now he was fully awake now. And it looked like he was trying to see if he was dreaming. And with a giggle you turn his face to yours and press them together with his. As shock spreads on his face you smile at him and repeat the words

Y/n: I love you Juyeon

And almost instantly he smiles a smile bigger than you've seen and this time he is the one who grabs your face and presses a kiss to your lips. He presses his forehead against yours and chuckles to himself as he closes his eyes and smiles

Juyeon: Im glad... Im glad I came....

THE END

Gif credits to owners

I didnt really like this one but ehhhhh im slowly trying to get better guys...

*I did not proof read it so my bad

[eliyah-de-dark]

Two Lies and A Truth part 2

Turns out the Startrain can get a person from London to Paris in what feels like a matter of minutes. Marinette waited on the platform, alone in a crowd of commuters, with her wide brim hat pulled down low over her face. She wore her hair down, a countermeasure against any old friends who might recognize her style, and opted for an equally unfamiliar white and pink sundress. She'd originally made it for her dream date with Adrien. Now it would meet one of the only friends she had left.

The train from London pulled in, and Felix Graham de Vanily was the first off. He wore his signature dark gray three piece suit, a white shirt making his skin seemed more tanned. He scanned the crowd, forcing people to move around him as his vibrant green eyes searched for her.

She wove a path through the crowd and grabbed his hand. "Hey," she said weakly.

He froze, taking in her changed appearance before speaking. "Your hair looks nice." He touched just the tip of her blue hair, admiring the length. "What prompted the change?"

Marinette's smile dropped. "Don't want to be recognized." Her voice was almost imperceptible in the din of the station.

The pair walked out hand in hand, Felix's heart racing where Marinette's barely caught her attention. Together they wove their way through Paris. Their only pause was with Andre Glacier to get ice cream, Andre's idea not theirs. Finally their meandering brought them to the bakery where they first truly met.

Sabine and Tom waved to the kids as they went up into the apartment. Marinette noticed her mother's calculating look while Felix caught her father's questioning gaze. The young man thought their journey would end in the living room, but Marinette kept his hand in her own until they'd climbed up into her pink painted room. The walls were nearly bare, with the crumpled up pictures of Adrien in her waste basket. Felix took good note of that.

In the safety of her room, Marinette started talking. She repeated a lot of what Felix already knew: how her class had been turned, how the teacher punished her when it wasn't her fault, about how she had only 3 people left in the whole city she could trust. When she brought up the arrival of Suzette, he could tell from the stormy expression of her face that this girl did more than bother Marinette.

"What do you care if she's Ladybug?" Felix asked, waving his hand as if to present the situation on a platter. "Sounds like she'll prove herself wrong soon enough."

"But she's put the entire school in danger!" Marinette cried. She slumped onto her chaise and sighed. "If Hawkmoth thinks anyone in François Dupont is his arch nemesis..." She didn't finish the sentence. She didn't have to. Felix had seen the chaos akumas caused, and if it weren't for the Ladybug Cure, everyone in Paris would be dead ten times over.

He nodded, and Marinette sighed with relief. She wanted to tell him the real reason, that she was the one suffering stolen identity here, but she couldn't. She thought of Master Fu's threat. Being Ladybug was stressful, sure, but it was one of the best things in her life right now.

Their phones buzzed simultaneously. Felix had his out first, sparing Marinette the trouble. Nadia Chamack's face filled the screen completely. "Don't be bemused, it's just the news. On this special report, we have Alya Cesaire live in our studio to talk about a remarkable post she's put on her Ladyblog." The camera switched to show the red haired girl Marinette used to call friend. As the audience applauded, the pair in a pink room sat on Marinette's chaise.

"Thanks for having me, Madame Chamack." At least she had her manners. "I'm a big fan of yours."

Nadja laughed and made a little dismissive gesture. "If you're a fan of mine, then you know here at the station we love our Ladybug, and your blog has been a key source of information on her. Let's show the audience what you posted today that's sweeping our city!"

Nadia's large screens showed Alya close up in the frame, breathing heavily. "How unbecoming." Felix scrunched his nose in disgust while Marinette laughed.

The video showed Alya rushing back to her seat where across from her sat...Ladybug? The costume was fairly well made, superior to Chloe's in many ways. There was still the glaring issue of a zipper on the back and her mask slowly dropping on the left side.

The two began talking like old friends, Alya crediting Lila for getting the interview squared away. Felix watched Marinette as her face switched from shock to horror.

Once the Ladybug interview had wrapped up, Nadja began asking questions about the whos, whats, wheres and whens of the impromptu video. "Lila, my best friend," Alya emphasized that title like she knew Marinette was watching, "promised me an interview with LB, and it turns out Ladybug is wonderful in and out of costume!" She pasted a surprised look on her face and murmured, "Oh, I shouldn't have said that." in such a perfect copy of Lila that Marinette searched for a wig line or something.

"In and out of costume? Does that mean - hold on, you know who Ladybug is?" Nadja had real shock on her face, and if the camera had turned then Felix imagined the audience would have that same look too.

Alya smiled sweetly. "I couldn't say."

The interview continued, but Felix set his phone away. Marinette was shaking now, and he put an arm around her. She leaned on his shoulder, her body slowing to matching his heartbeat. He rested his head on top of hers and took a deep breath. She smelled like strawberries, glue, and mint.

Now he jumped up and paced. Her eyes followed back and forth as he moved, pausing every so often to muse on a particular idea.

"I've got it." He smiled, a devious grin that split his face like a demon.

Marinette listened with rapt attention.

-

"Blast Master, I am Hawkmoth. You want to expose the truth about Lila Rossi and save your friend. I'm giving you the power to control explo-"

"That's a no on the name."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Then beg."

"...what is happening?"

"Listen, you're right about why I'm pissed, and I'll gladly take the explosion power, but I'm not calling myself Blast Master."

"I...suppose?"

"Excellent, glad we're on the same page."

-

Suzette Lambert basked in the attention of her schoolmates like a cat basks in the sun. Lila was right, she mused, these idiots are too easy. Only two weeks and she had near god like worship. She almost didn't regret transferring out of her private English school.

The two people who didn't immediately succumb to her will were Chloe Bourgeois and Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Chloe made snide comments here and there but hardly went toe to toe with the new queen of the school. It helped that literally anytime she tried, either that nuisance Alya would snap at her or the teacher would gently redirect the class.

Her teal eyes caught sight of the little pariah, who'd snuck in early and taken her spot at the farthest desk in the room. Marinette never spoke. Not even when the teacher called on her. When she'd asked, Lila bemoaned, "Oh Mari? She's just the worst. She's always so mean to me and everyone hates her for it. I wouldnt even bother talking to her."

Suzette couldn't say it was hard to get on Lila's bad side, but that seemed a bit extreme. It all made sense after her little "slip-up" though.

It was the Italian's idea to say she was the heroine. "Trust me, no one will even question it." As much as Suzette hated to admit it, Lila was right. Everyone latched onto the biggest lie of her life and now the royal treatment was just a standard. The only bad reaction she got was Dupain-Cheng running out of the room. That was weird on so many levels, but Suzette ignored it.

Class was going smoothly until the volley of ringtones interrupted the lesson.

"An akuma?"

"It's just down the street!"

"Hold up Alix, let me see!"

Suzette checked her phone, lazily scanning the report of a dancing harlequin-style akuma moving steadily towards François Dupont.

"Go suit up, Suzette!"

She looked at Alya with a tired expression. "What?"

The reporter pointed her cellphone at Suzette. "Don't you need to transform? To defeat the akuma?" Her quizzical look spread like a virus through the class.

"I can't." She needed to think, quick. "The Guardian took my miraculous for safe keeping." She mentally congratulated herself for the excuse.

Nino spoke up next. "Why?"

"Repairs."

"Why would a miraculous need repairs?" And why was Kim of all people chiming in?

"Oh puh-lease." Now came Chloe Bourgeois. She sat on her desk and ignored Madame Bustier's reprimand as she continued. "Obviously she can't because she isn't Ladybug." Sabrina nodded vigorously, the nasty little cockroach.

Alya naturally spoke next, loud enough to give the queen standing next to her a headache. "No one asked you, Chloe." She snapped. "Why dont you keep your opinions to yourself?"

"Why dont you you little gossip rag wannabe?"

Wow, Suzette thought. That's an interesting shade of red in Alya's face.

Chloe turned those sky blue eyes back to her rival. "What form does your miraculous take? Or better yet, what's mine?" She leaned forward, her head tilted as if to listen for an answer.

Suzette crossed her arms. "Why would I care about yours?"

"Because you're the one that gives it to me, Ladybug. And I know for a fact if you were the real Ladybug, you would've kept your mouth closed about your identity."

No one noticed Marinette in the back of the room staring wide eyed at Chloe.

"Who are you to talk to me like that?!" Suzette yelled. Lila grabbed her arm, locking her in place. "You're just the mayor's spoiled brat who only cares about herself!" Chloe smiled at Suzette's words. The audacity.

"Maybe, but at least I'm honest."

Another insult began forming in the mind of the false Ladybug when the door came off its hinges with an explosion.

((@goblinwhoships @ml-cartoons @enchanted-nerd since you three specifically requested being tagged, here you go))

((Yeah so people really seemed to like part one. That's pretty hekking neat. Hopefully part 2 can live up to the hype))

[aestheticsuwu]

🛋 I Wish I Didn't Care All The Time 🛋

F.W.B AU! Klarker

Clark Barker x Jack Kline

.... ..... ..... ..... ..

Many people have many opinions on F.W.B , but one opinion that is mainly seen and heard is that at the end it tends to blow up at your face .

Jack wasn't one to get involve into some shit that he will regret . On the other hand , his best friend Clark has done some shit that have gotten both of them in trouble .

Keep in mind half the time Jack wouldn't be involved and he somehow get caught red handed . He blames it all on Clark , well that's his excuse cause he doesn't want to get the wrath of his parents .

Sure he can ignore the raven man and hang with his other friends and live a simple , relaxing life . The problem is that Jack doesn't quite have other friends . He just has his older sister Claire . And her friends only talk to him out of pity .

He met Clark in high school when the guy tried to convince him to do the class project all by himself . From then on they sorta clicked , they were inseparable.  Many people thought they were dating .

He wasn't blind , his friend was attractive and by all the times Clark had told him he was hot . He could see why people thought that they were a couple , the latter was quite touchy .

And it wasn't like it never crossed his mind , but the thing was Clark is basically fuck boy . He doesn't do relationships , the only thing he can commit is to drugs,  food , and music .

On the other hand he didn't have a problem with commitment issues , but all his relationships just never seem to work out . The problem mainly being Clark , that's what his exes would tell him .

" Fuck them , they dont know what their missing out , And being honest she was annoying . " 

That was always his response , pointing out what he didn't like about the person .

" you don't like no one " it was like a relative

thing . He wasn't lying when he mentioned about his failed attempt at love .

" I like you , don't I " Rolling his eyes , as the raven haired holds him close . All he can do is take in the somehow soothing smell of cigarettes and cologne .

.....

Being in college is frustrating , mainly being filled overload with homework , essays , projects , and you can't forget anxiety . Jack was just overwhelmed , he just wanted to go home to his dad's and listen to them bicker . Have a fight with Claire about anything , help his father with his garden and watch the bees .

He wants to spend time with his uncle Sam maybe playing football , even he's terribly bad at it . Laugh with his aunt Eileen,  when Sam and Dean get competitive over who's actually winning .  he just wants to be with his family .

Thank God break is coming soon , if not he would've exploded . When he mentions it to Clark,  he just say he's probably frustrated because  he hasn't gotten any action . He usually just throws his pillow at him .

..... ...... .....

It wasn't the first time he seen his friend drunk , it was after all was a constant thing he would do . Watching as his friend struggle to take of his jacket and stumbling to go lay down , it wasn't no surprise when he had fell down . He also couldn't help but laugh along with Clark.

" seems like you had a fun night , here let me help you " Helping him stand up , he starts to remove his jacket .

" Fuck yeah I did , you should've have gone . You could've released some of your pent up frustration . "  Clark spoke as he looked at the blonde .

" can you not , just be glad you did . God you reek of ciggaretes . I don't know when your gonna learn when to stop smoking .

Hold on I'm gonna help you change , please try not to fall . "

removing the other boy shirt , he walks to the drawer taking out what he needs . returning to the now slighty naked drunk .

" I missed you "

" i missed you too . you should lay down.  " turning around to lay down , he was stopped .

" can you lay with me tonight . please . "

 Clark asked still holding on to his wrist . as they both layed down , he didn't know why his heart was beating so fast . Maybe it was the way his friend was looking at him or how all he can think of how was to kiss him . But there was that warning bell

going off his mind warning him to not cross the line . but by the time he was gonna acknowledge it , Clark had started kissing him .

He wasn't the one to be blamed , if you were being kissed by the same person who was incredibly a good kisser you would also ignore all the warning signs .

His lips tasted like beer and cigarettes.  Clothes were thrown across the room . Darker hands roamed gently across soft pale skin , Holding him down firmly . As he racked his nails down the ravens back from the pleasure he was receiving.  And he should've known everything wouldn't be the same after that night .

.... .... ....

The morning after , Jack got his ass up from the bed and quickly left as he could . Scared he had to face him . cursing himself for being so weak , he shouldve have stopped . He knew he should go back to his dorm and got talk to Clark,  but it didn't mean he couldn't avoid it for a few more hours .

walking in the dorm , he expected to see the latter in the room but he was nowhere to be seen . So he sat down and waited . minutes after minutes then  turned to hours . Might as well get started with his paper that was due this week .

It was dark when he heard the door open . looking up from his computer , watching as Clark walk in . Obviously ignoring him , he went straight to bathroom . They didn't spoke at all , just Jack watching him change . but he didn't once look at him .

Right he was about to step out , he just quickly spoke and left .

" I'm going out , don't wait up "

The silence didn't quite helped him feel better .It made him feel like shit , it just made it worse when he started to cry .

.... .... ....

All he can see was darkness , he kept glancing at the clock . The time was just there mocking him as if it knew he was waiting for someone that might not come . checking again it was still 2 : 00 AM like it was two seconds ago .So he just turned on the lights .

Coming to the conclusion that the raven haired  was probably in someone else's bed . He gets out of bed  to turn off the lights , the door opens .

" your awake , I thought you were asleep already ."  a surprised look coming across his face .

" I was going to , I was just ......... " silence overtook the conversation .  they just standed for a good minute until Clark spoke but didn't even look at his direction .

" alright . night . "

Shame crept up in his skin , he knew he should've kept his mouth shut . but the words just tumbled out his mouth .

" you had fun ? I mean by looks of it . "

finishing getting undress , he responds by shrugging . not being able to stand the cold shoulder , he tries again but unfortunately that's when his tears started to come in .

"  Jack ,  are you crying ? "

startled by the voice , he looks up. He didn't even notice when his friend came closer.  He latches on to the older boy ,not wanting the other to leave him . feeling Clark hold him tight and giving him a kiss on his temple made him calm down .

Later that night they talked and both agreed it was an  amazing beautiful mistake but both knew it would affect their friendship . So they agreed to move on , keep going with their life's. 

Unfortunately , Clark haven't been able to sleep with anyone else after night. It seemed nobody was good enough for him . It just seemed pointless , and he doesn't want to remember when he try to have sex but he couldn't get it up .

So it lead him to masturbating and smoking . But he couldn't do it because he didn't have time to do so . And it seemed both him and Jack were playing a game that they didn't even know the rules to .

All broke loose when he saw a guy try to give Jack his number in front of him . HE was just boiling and it was like the blonde knew what it was doing to him . He started flirting back with that dumbass .

When they both got back to the dorm , they locked the door .

The next day they both went to find the guy and jack had to explain to the guy he wasnt interested , not because what had happen in that same day .

And if Clark had a smug smirk all day nobody mentioned it

.... ....

They agreed on a Friend with benefits agreement . There were rules that had to be followed so at the end their friendship wouldnt get ruined .

* 1 . Don't tell anyone

* 2 . once feelings start to form they had to call it quits

* 3 . They're aren't allowed to sleep with anyone else 

( Jack agreed with that one right away , he wasn't trying to catch a disease or something . well that's what he kept telling himself .)

* 4 . They can stop whenever the other doesn't want to continue .

* 5 . Always ask consent !

Jack was really proud he came up with that , even if Clark retorted

" I think when your all over me it should be more clear that you want me to F- "

covering his mouth he ends the conversation to point out their first time .

 " you were the one that had  asked me the first time .:

And well they couldn't quite finish the list , because one kiss lead to another and well how can you blame Clark when the blonde was smiling at him like that .

When both come to the conclusion that had fallen way before they had come to the point they were . The blonde tries to show the other , how maybe they didn't have to be just friends . While the other pretends , it all just distraction like playing a board game .

Even if it broke Clark's heart having to remind himself , it was just that and nothing more .

...... ..... .....

there should be more klarker fic

[yoonlixstars]

Enemies To Lovers Hyunjin ff pt 2

Pairing: Hyunjin x reader

Genre: Idk hate to love(?)

word count: idk

Note: Im sorry it took so long for me to write this, also yes i am copy and pasting this from my wattpad. so im sorry if theres any mistakes. but yea also last time. on the part 1. i noticed i forgot a part. so lemme explain. in that scene y/n’s friends which are blacpink approach her. (blackpink hates hyunjin too. not in real life, just in this fan fiction) and they talk and then they go to class. yea all that. and if i end up forgetting a part. ill say it in part 3 (if there will be one). okay yea thats all. enjoy this story! and i saw i got 12 notes on my skz reaction thank you so much! it means a lot to me♡

You walked out of the classroom, head hung low and disappointed at yourself for getting in trouble by Hyunjin again. Meanwhile in the classroom.

Hyunjin's pov: I was thinking of y/n and I started feeling kinda bad, I mean, she's in detention cause of me, and i always caused her trouble.

Hyunjin then raised his hand. As he was planning out what he was going to do when the teacher saw him. "Hey ugly!" He all of a sudden shouted, the whole class turning to look at him. The teacher also turned around, with a shocked and angry look on her face. "Hwang Hyunjin repeat that and you will get detention for 1 week straight!" The teacher shouted, her face was red as a tomato, but she wasn't blushing, she was mad af, Hyunjin smirked and once again said "I said hey ugly!" The teacher was now breathing heavily, "HWANG HYUNJIN, TO DETENTION, NOW!" Hyunjin was now glad he achieved what he was planning. Hyunjin got up proudly and started walking out of the classroom. Ready to see you in detention.

y/n's pov: I sat down in a chair, waiting for a teacher to come in. I then heard the door open. I thought it was a teacher until i turned around.

Hyunjin entered the empty classroom. The first thing that his eyes spotted was you, sitting down in a chair while drawing in your sketch pad.

You turned around. But instead you saw Hyunjin. Your face was showing visible confusion. "Don't ask, I just felt bad." (ˢᵖᵒⁱˡᵉʳ: ʰʸᵘⁿʲⁱⁿ ˡⁱᵏᵉᵈ ʸ/ⁿ ᵃⁿᵈ ʸ/ⁿ ˡⁱᵏᵉᵈ ʰʸᵘⁿʲⁱⁿ)

"Yea right." You said that while rolling your eyes. "you 'felt bad'." You glared at him. As he took a seat next to you.

You resumed working on the drawing on your desk. But you felt like someone was staring at you. You looked to your side to just see Hyunjin gazing at you. "W-what? Is there something on my face?" You stuttered saying that. His gaze was making you loose your mind.

"There's nothing on your face." Hyunjin responded. His lips curving into a smile. After he said that. Everything seemed awkward again. Until your stomach growled. You felt kinda embarrassed he had to hear it too. His soft chuckle filled the room. "Here, i brought a sandwich." He said. His hands digging in his school qbag until he found the sandwich he was talking about. But you were shocked. That was the first time Hwang Hyunjin a.k.a your enemy, has been nice to you.

"Here, i found it." He offered the piece of food. You stared at it. Wondering if you should accept it or no.

"Do you want it?" He asked.

You were about to say no. But you were too hungry. And gladly accepted it.

A smile once again appeared in Hyunjin's lips. Wondering why he has been mean to you, all of these years. Instead of becoming nice friends. He decided to be like this to you. He was staring at you once again. Not noticing for how much time his eyes were glued on to you. Until you finally noticed it again. “Why do you keep staring at me?” You asked, but he just said nothing. “Are you hungry too?” You asked him, offering his sandwich back, which was almost done. But he replied with a “nothing, wanna hear a joke?” (a magical 15 minute time skip.”  You and hyunjin were now laughing a lot with each other

Just talking about random stuff and funny moments that happened to one another

You actually never knew hyunjin could be like this

You always thought he was just some jerk. But now that your actually getting to know him,

You realized you were wrong.

He then stopped laughing and said your name.

“Hey y/n?” you looked at him, and just hummed in response.

“Can i confess something?” You once again a hummed a yes. Curious at what he was going to say. 

(Im not good at writing confessions. so you could make up your own, i will still write a short one.)

“Y/n, i like you, i mean, love you. i know you wont believe me since i have been awful to you all these years but the reason why i did that, is because i was afraid you wouldnt be friends with me. so thats why i started bothering you. its okay if you dont feel the same way i und-” 

you cut him off with a passionate kiss. (magical 30 seconds time skip)

he was the first one to pull away. He was blushing and you found it very cute. “S-so does this mean you like me too?” He asked, and he started looking like a tomato. 

“Of course silly!”

You smiled at him, and he returned it back with a warm smile, he was starting to lean in for another kiss but it got interrupted. 

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING ON THE FLOOR?!” You and Hyunjin quickly stood up, looking nervous as hell. “u-um, we were-” The teacher cut you off. “I DONT CARE YOU WILL STAY IN HERE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, AND ON SATURDAY YOU ALSO HAVE DETENTION!” 

You and hyunjin both looked at each other, and shrugged. 

I mean at least he got to stay with you?

okay and then you and hyunjin started dating, your friends were shocked but soon they became friends with him too and yea okay The End. 

also there wont be no part 3, i finished the whole story in this part even tho there was gonna be more :(

and this is not proof read so sorry for any mistakes. also after this i might post another skz reacting to their s/o because the last one got like 22 notes i dont remember but yea i hope you enjoyed this story! 

[flsedirection]

‘ GO FUCK YOUR SELFIE ‘ 

                                                                                                  IN THE CLOUD - 

uploading data … ⟳  

    jack of all trades master of none - max caulfield. never moved to seattle, max got to stay and grow up with her friends her parents got divorced and she doesnt see her dad much anymore it must have been a weird domino effect of not moving on. growing up in the cloud max attended CONSTANCE BILLIARD SCHOOL FOR GIRLS in high school max was the girl that befriended her teachers at parties people thought it was a spectacle when she ate an edible and got too honest about people as jokes. the quirky art student that you saw taking pictures at pep rallies and sporting events - living life through the lens of her camera the art in her journal you wouldnt catch her speaking up often in groups of people when she was young. she had flings for girls and guys but shyed away from that most of the time except at parties and occasional dates... sleepovers. she always a step back from life willingly sidelining herself if people didnt drag her into things, she was almost a bit of a welcome mat. gullible and a bit naive with an indecisive nature it was easy for her to just let people take advantage of her because there was the part of her that was nosy and just wanted to get closer. 

now that shes older and attending BLACKWELL UNIVERSITY max has an ache for adventure she loves to go out at night and cause trouble, or for a walk in the woods by herself shes even dabbled in grafitti and bne. you would not call her a trouble maker by any means but there is that underlying want there to document she doesnt let people walk over her the same way they did in the past. shes still not sure in her art in her photography the girl is wishy washy about everything but shes learning to be stronger. shes still corny shes makes jokes like the moths in my head dont let me think, shes pretentious about her polaroid camera and black coffee and better than you indie music, she still the curious girl who swallowed her teddy bears eye just to see if she could. shes better at finding her voice shes trying to live a real life instead of just copying all the personality traits of those around her to fit social norms and breaking down in bathrooms over small things that overwhelm her. you can still find her in the back of classes with her headphones in, inner monologuing, but you can also find her painting in the woods or trying to start a fail tshirt business with her art on it because shes still self conscious, taking pictures of your friends wedding or your five year old sisters birthday party in her free time. 

       THE MEMORIES... ⟳  

she has vivid day dreams of nose bleeds and death following her, the guilt she feels she still feels it all the danger she felt like she was in. it affects her because it seems so damn real it feels like something that happened to her, a girl she loves and cares about dying because of her - everyone she knows and loves dying because of her. the guilt eats away at her... but its not real right? shes not that indecisive right? this isnt her fault, she just cant shake it. it follows her and its so heavy that some days she doesnt even get out of bed. 

       THE CONNECTS... ⟳  

ex gfs - max is mostly into girls though in hs this was probaly more aha i really really like you but i dont know how to actually be your gf so this is the closest thing we will ever get. they probably went out on dates and max did corny things like set up a movie projector in the backyard for them. 

crushes - max while more outspoken now probably wasnt that much in the past so this could be one sided or max never realized the crush and your muse was like?? are you dense in the head or current crushes

fwb/set up dates - max probably is very new to fwb she likes men and women physically and is trying to live life now rather than just being a teachers pet and behind a camera. so hookups would be very random whatever works. 

did u need a photographer - literally any reason literally any just throw it out there she needs money for her black coffee and fucking vinyl records annoying ass. 

roommate - definitely 1 or 2 roommates would be cool she is a messy housemate cups on the bedside table polaroids lefts on the random surfaces shes organized chaos. 

goes out together - for dinner instead of doing homework goes to parties together maybe they broke into a building or like took pictures on the traintracks in the middle of the night. roadtripped or anything. 

like siblings - max has never had a sibling she was raised on only child ( god that explains why she is the way she is ) so i would love someone who is like a sibling to her. 

tried to start something - max has tried to be in a band tried to start a buisness where she like did ink prints of teeth and put them on shirts and tried to sell them. knitting club. book club. roller skating. she tries so many things and gives them up. 

LIKE TO PLOT !!

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

well, if you don't have a trench coat then i guess i'm saved from dying if mortification! i mean, a bathrobe could possibly do because they're awesome, especially if it's a long one, but it's a completely different vibe, it just wouldnt work. it does make me think you might be dracula though (i don't know why but in my brain bathrobe = modern vampire). if you are, how would you feel about turning someone? asking for a friend, totally not because not having to sleep sounds awesome

I KNOW RIGHT??? it's like, do people.. do people really just see a random person and think "they're hot, i'd have sex with them"? ahdjksfwksks that's so wild. and i only figured out i'm ace like a year ago so i'm still not over this piece of information and tbh i don't think i'll ever be, like how??

and while realising i'm pan was way easier that was also pretty weird, because i knew that i liked girls but my country is like super conservative so i had no idea lgbtqia+ even existed for a really long time, as in that it was possible to like someone of the same sex, so i was just like yes, these feelings i'm having for this girl are friendship feelings, nothing romantic about them, most definitely platonic.

a frying pan? you chased a kid with a frying pan? i might be falling in love. that's awesome and a completely deserved punishment for him, because if you steal my boucy ball i will kick your ass no questions asked (let's pretend i am actually capable of kicking even a toddler's ass for a sec). also frying pans make good weapons, 12/10, they're my number one pick for when i hear a strange sound in my house while i'm home alone and both of my cats are in the same room as me. but i just gotta ask. why did you have a frying pan at school? i mean, don't get me wrong, it sounds super cool but why

and since timezones are weird and i have no idea how they work, but there's only 1 hour left till the 24th for me so i think this is appropriate:

Merry Christmas!! I hope you spend some quality time with your family, get nice presents, that the food is good and that you have fun celebrating! ❤️❤️❤️

congratulations! one possible death cause down. a...lot more to go. but progress is progress. it’s um...a fluffy grey dressing gown with a hood that has a little mouse face on it...if that fits with dracula vibes. turning someone depends on whether or not they’re willing to bend down or if they have a chair available so i can reach their neck. a safe chair. i MIGHT turn someone into a vampire risking their entire existence BUT i value my own safety smh. i will not accept them laying down i think that’s crossing into a kink sdkfjhskdhjf.

oh dude yeah. i got that piece of info a few years back and I’m still not over it. I don’t think I ever will be. sounds fake. i still suspect trickery. it just. my brain cannot comprehend that. it’s odd. my brain is like oh dude i wasn’t created with that setting?? idk man seems a little dodgy.

ah yikes, that’s not a great situation to be in. definitely lucky to be living in nz in that regard, it got brought up in health class in my first year of high school I think so I was aware. i knew i was queer and that that was a thing but i was still insanely oblivious somehow. i kind of had crushes beforehand but mostly stuff that confused me because I couldn’t tell if I just really liked them as a friend or more than that. then i started uni and met this one girl and my entire day was made whenever she sat next to me or talked to me and i was in the clouds like a dumbass and i zoned out of classes because she was. right there. and she was just. being in her presence was just, the absolute best feeling ever. i mean she absolutely was pretty and i loved her style but i really liked her as a person too. lit up everything for me. at that point i was like oh dude i think this is what we call romantic feelings sdfkhsdfkjhsdkfjh. it did take like 6 months before that realisation hit me tho ngl i did say i was oblivious.

yes.......i did do that. chased him around the school. frying pans are excellent weapons! they were my go-to weapon for years after that. also what else am I gonna grab in that situation? a KNIFE? i’d be more likely to stab MYSELF rather than an intruder. well. I went to my teacher and I said hey, Mr. X, can I have a frying pan? and if I remember correctly he DID ask why and i DID tell him but clearly he no longer cared about anything because he agreed. and went to the staffroom. and brought me back a cool red one. and I was like okay, thank you! and then started the chase. It was in slightly afterschool hours I think (?) or at least there wasn’t many people at school at that point, it was pretty empty for whatever reason, so I don’t think anyone ever really saw and therefore I don’t think he got in trouble but wow. that was wild. 

I think you’re roughly 11 hours behind me if I do some rough maths but I’m answering this at midnight as we cross onto the 25th aka Christmas day (i NEVER remember what date Christmas day is but I’m gonna nail it into my head eventually) so, excellent timing imo.

But thank you!!! That’s very sweet!!! I’m excited to see half the family today (the other half on boxing day) and enjoy a good chrissie lunch in the usual manner. it really doesn’t change much year to year but it’s all about seeing the family, doesn’t have to be anything super special. And right back at you, of course, if you recognise Christmas, and depending on what can be done under current circumstances. I imagine it’ll be quite different this year but I hope there’s something good that will still be present in the current situation, wishing you all the best. ❤️❤️

[solange-lol]

not so typical love song - ch. 1/13

Chapter Title: Rollarcoaster

Words: 3,050

Note: my piece for the @pjo-hoo-bigbang !!! special thanks to @shelbychild and @wisdom-walks-alone for editing and helping me develop this story! it wouldnt exist w/o y’all!

Art by @lizzybizzyo! <3

[ one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight (coming soon)]

read on ao3

—

Nico is staring at his computer, wordless. This isn't writer's block or surprise; it’s just the unknown reality of what this situation could lead to.

Another gay kid in his school. Another gay kid that isn’t Mitchell—who’s been out since 8th grade, and the only one to be out since then. Another kid at their school who’s hiding a secret. 

Nico doesn’t even know if this kid is a boy or a girl or what, and frankly, he doesn’t care. There’s another kid like him. And he has no idea how to respond to the post.

The post is a submission from their school’s gossip blog on Tumblr, the notorious ‘hb-secrets.’ Piper had called him an hour ago, asking if he’d seen it yet.

“Seen what?” he had responded.

“The post on hb-secrets? About the closeted gay kid?” It hit Nico like a wall of bricks as he quickly went to pull up the website. Did somebody know? It was a relief when he saw the clipart Ferris wheel and a few short lines submitted by a blog called blue0919.

“I bet it’s that Brazilian sophomore. Paolo or whatever? Or maybe it’s Connor Stoll! I swear he’s been flirting with Mitchell, but Annabeth keeps telling me that he’s into Lacy or someone,” Piper continued as he read, but it was going in one ear and out the other as he processed the words on the screen

Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck on a Ferris wheel. One minute I’m on top of the world, and the next minute I’m at rock bottom. Over and over all day long, because a lot of my life is great. But nobody knows I’m gay.

“Gotta go. I’ll talk later,” Nico said quickly, switching off his phone. He knew it would raise suspicion, but it felt like time was turning in on itself. Nobody knew about Nico. In fact, nobody ever even suspected. He’s never been called names besides “Death Boy.” And yet, there were the exact words that described his life, written out in front of him like they were a second thought.

And now, he was staring at his computer with an empty Gmail draft open. The original poster had left their email at the end of the post, so Nico after glancing quickly at his Panic! at the Disco poster still proudly hanging on his wall, typed out a new address. He was stuck, though, unsure of what to say from here. 

So, he started from the beginning.

From: bettertoburn@gmail.com

To: blue0919@gmail.com

Date: Oct 2 at 6:48 PM

Subject: Hey

Somehow you’ve managed to type exactly what I feel. Sorta scary, as if you’re inside my head or something. Maybe it’s just a gay thing to be speaking in metaphors about the pressure of everyday society.

That’s what I am. Gay. I don’t know if I’ve ever really said it out loud to myself.

It’s weird because I never really had a perfectly normal life. My mom died when I was young, so I never really got to meet her. My sister and I have always been super close until she went away to college. Now, not as much. I guess that’s just what happens when you live a million miles away. 

And I’ve known my stepmom longer than I knew my real mom, but it was only a few years ago when I met my half-sister when she came to live with us because her mom died as well. Meaning, she isn’t the daughter of my stepmom. It’s a long story, and not really one I want to get into.

She’s super nice though. It’s funny, but despite being polar opposites with my older sister, they’re both mushy inside. Same with my stepmom. And my dad… he tries his best. We’re like exactly what you expect from a slightly broken family. Plus my dog who my cousin gave to me during a rough time. Honestly, she’s probably my favorite sibling out of them all. (Both my sisters would kill me if they knew I wrote that.)

And then there are my friends. I have some that are closer than others; Two of them I’ve known for a while now, and one who I only met recently but treats me better than some of the people I’ve known my whole life. While I admit, I’m not the most social person in the world, they’re pretty amazing as far as friends go. 

So there it is. My perfectly normal life. Except for that huge ass secret.

He typed and retyped each line what felt like a thousand times, deleting word after word. He didn't know what was too much. It all felt like too much, really. He didn’t even know if he could trust this person.

Signing it was the worst part; he didn’t have any good pseudonyms. Eventually, he decided to leave it blank.

Without a second thought, Nico hit ‘send’ before leaning back in his chair and putting his hands over his head. Only a second later, a light knock came from the door, causing him to quickly sit up as Hazel popped her head in.

“Dinner’s ready if you wanna eat,” she smiled. She left just as quickly as she came, curls bouncing as she walked away. They had gotten over the awkwardness of having a new sibling only months after Hazel moved in, but there was still some strangeness. To this day, Nico was still a lot closer to her than Bianca was. Either way, Nico knew he would do anything for her. (Not that he would admit that. He didn't even need to, Hazel already knew.)

Nico glanced back at his computer, but there was nothing in his inbox besides the Gmail “Welcome” email. It was stupid to think this person would respond that quickly, seeing as Nico didn't even know if they would respond at all. Heaving a sigh, he got up to join his family for dinner. Maybe he could even convince them to watch Steven Universe instead of The Bachelor.

---

Dinner went as expected. It’d been a while, actually, since they were all together for a meal. Hazel talked about her psycho geometry teacher and a boy she talked in the class named Frank, who seemed sweet but apparently had a shared hatred for math just like her. Nico didn’t say much, although chimed in at the latter, saying he better be the flower boy at their wedding. That even got a short scoff out of his father, which tended to be the closest Nico ever got him laughing. So, that was a win. 

However, he was a little more distant than usual. The pending email response was in the back of his mind during the entire meal.

Even afterward, as they watched reruns of Glee (a compromise made between Hazel and Nico, much to their father’s dismay), Nico couldn’t focus. It felt like a weight was burning through his back pocket. After the second episode (and laughing his ass off at his father’s reaction to Kurt’s ‘Single Ladies’ dance) he finally excused himself. 

He tapped the Gmail app on his phone as soon as he had reached his room. It felt like his heart skipped a beat when he noticed the new notification, a response from the original poster. With slightly shaky hands, he tapped the response, and a message opened up.

From: blue0919@gmail.com

To: bettertoburn@gmail.com

Date: Oct 2 at 8:12 PM

Subject: I’ve never done this before

Dear anonymous person on the internet,

I really don’t know where to begin. I’m also not sure if you're a real person. For all I know you could be some random pedophile like one of those cases they warned us about in health class for the past 5 years, even though it’s never happened within the last decade.

But in case you are real, hello! I’m the original poster from that hb-secrets thread about life being a Ferris wheel. I’m rereading what I wrote there and I can’t stop cringing, so I’ll start by apologizing for that. I’m not usually one for metaphors, even the bad ones.

Anyway, it sounds like you identify with what I wrote. I’m glad you emailed me; I didn’t think anyone would actually do anything with the email that I left. Except maybe be extremely homophobic. But it made me feel less like I was shouting into the void, so thanks for that. And I assume you’re okay with me writing back since you sent me the first email. Though, I can’t believe I’m actually writing to you. I really didn’t think I would.

I guess I’m thinking it could be nice to talk with someone who can relate to how I’m feeling. No pressure, of course, but feel free to write back if you want to. I don’t want to use my real name, but you can call me Blue. 

It was surreal. Someone who was like Nico. Someone who wanted to talk to Nico because they were like him. 

He started to type again, with more excitement than he’s ever felt. He’s never been able to express this part of him before. It was almost like first date jitters-type feeling. 

(Not that he really knew what that was like.)

From: bettertoburn@gmail.com

To: blue0919@gmail.com

Date: Oct 2 at 8:23 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

Hi, Blue

Wow, I’m actually kind of flipping out right now, because I seriously didn’t think I’d hear from you, especially so quickly. Wow. Okay. First of all, thanks for your email and also for your Tumblr post. I really liked it, Blue, and it wasn’t cringy at all, I promise.

So do you go here (here meaning HBHS)? I do, I’m a junior. And I’m a guy (are you a guy?) Anyway, I could relate a lot to your post, Like, pretty much all of it, but especially the part about being gay. You probably figured that out already though. And I’m not out yet either, which you probably figured that part out too. 

I guess a part of me wants to be out, but a part of me’s like… no. It’s hard to explain. I don’t know. Maybe you get it.

So yeah, it’s really nice to meet you! This is kind of cool, right? Even writing this email makes me feel eleven times less alone.

-Angel (not my real name either, two can play at this game. It’s not like a pet-name type thing. If you ever find out who I am, you’ll understand why.) 

He was worried about the whole name-signing thing. ‘Angel’ was just the easiest thing; it was a direct translation of his last name. He was really hoping Blue still didn’t take it in a weird way, even with that last note.

Relief flooded through him when he read the first sentence of Blue’s next email. 

From: blue0919@gmail.com

To: bettertoburn@gmail.com

Date: Oct 2 at 8:41 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

Angel, huh? Maybe like guardian angel perhaps. 

Also, eleven times less alone? That’s oddly specific. :) But I know exactly what you mean.

Anyway, wow. Hi. You wrote back, and quickly too. I’m really glad you liked my post. Now I’m actually happy I put it out there. I have to admit, it’s strange to be writing a somewhat personal email to you when we don’t know each other’s identities. Though, in a way, I guess that makes it easier. Sorta like a therapist, except we’re both blindfolded and have the same problem. So not really a therapist, I guess.

Do you think therapists have therapists? Like, if the problems get to be too much for them? Is there an Almighty Therapist who just absorbs everyone's issues and feels nothing?

Anyway, I am a guy, and I’m also a junior at HB. I think you’re actually the first other gay guy I’ve met here. It’s pretty surreal to be talking to you. (In a good way though.) I wonder if we know each other in real life. 

And I think I understand what you mean. I feel like I’m constantly going back and forth about wanting to come out. I have these moments where I’m almost bursting to tell people. Of course, that’s where I was when I posted the thing on Tumblr. But I always feel so weird about it a few hours later, and sometimes I’m intensely relieved no one knows yet. What about you?

-Blue

From: bettertoburn@gmail.com

To: blue0919@gmail.com

Date: Oct 2 at 9:12 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

I mean, let’s be real, eleven is the best number, which is perfect because we’re both in eleventh grade. And I can't believe we’re both juniors. The class is pretty small compared to the others, so I bet we do know each other, which is weird to think about. What if we’re actually enemies in real life? Do you have enemies? I don’t think I do, not really. Various people tend to annoy me a lot. It’s not even their fault; some people just have really punchable faces.

 (I’m usually a really nonviolent person. I’m more like a violent person who at the same doesn’t really want to hurt anyone, so I have to resort to fantasizing about punching people, which just ends in eating my feelings in large quantities of McDonald’s.)

It’s funny for me, it’s actually not so much that go back and forth about wanting to come out. It’s like I simultaneously do and don’t want to be out. Which is pretty freaking exhausting, honestly. Like I’m in this constant state of JUST SAY IT and NO NEVER. Do you think that ever ends? I don’t know, maybe I’m just a really indecisive person. I think part of me is also just holding out until college when I’m away from anyone I know and can just reinvent myself.

So what kind of stuff do you like to do after school and everything?

-Angel

From: blue0919@gmail.com

To: bettertoburn@gmail.com

Date: Oct 2 at 9:34 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

I don’t think I have any enemies, but now I’m definitely wondering if I’m the guy with the punchable face. How do you know if you have a punchable face? I’ve never been punched, so hopefully, that’s a good sign. 

I will say, I’m definitely with you on the issue of eating your feelings. I’m the person who has never smoked a cigarette or gotten drunk or anything like that, and I'm usually relatively healthy. However, I once ate five jars of Nutella in one sitting. I do not recommend, 

I’m indecisive, too, in some ways. Okay, full disclosure: I was really conflicted when you sent me that email. I kept going back and forth about whether I should email you. I was (and am) definitely intrigued, but I guess I was also a little bit paranoid. It’s just that you could have been anyone, and it’s hard to know sometimes if someone’s being a jerk or if they’re being sincere. Plus my cousin sort of actually outed me. Not to anyone else, he’s the only one who knows, but now I’m super paranoid about coming out. (Exactly what you said about holding out until college. I’m thinking I can move to LA or somewhere where nobody really cares. Although I wouldn’t want to reinvent myself. And I don’t want you to reinvent yourself either, you’re pretty cool as you are I think.) Anyway, I’m really glad I decided to email you, though.

So, you’re probably going to think I’m ridiculous, but I’d rather not answer your last question. It’s just… I think I like being anonymous for now. Is that okay?

-Blue

Okay, that last part was fair. Nico understood the wanting-to-be-anonymous thing. Sure, they go to the same school. But Blue had no reason to entirely trust him; Nico didn’t really trust Blue at all. This could entirely be some random asshole anywhere in the world trying to find him and beat him up, or worse. It sucked that homophobia was still a thing in their day and age. 

But Blue said he liked talking to Nico, and it was thrilling to talk to him. It was another secret of his, but not one he entirely minded keeping. So, he chose to believe that Blue was actually who he said he was. 

From: bettertoburn@gmail.com

To: blue0919@gmail.com

Date: Oct 2 at 9:57 PM

Subject: Punchability

Blue, you have so much to learn about the rules of punchability, starting with the fact that it is completely impossible for you to have a punchable face. Rule number one: guys who make metaphors about Ferris wheels are automatically unpunchable. Rule number two: There isn’t one. Just rule number one, so memorize it. Everyone else can catch these fists. (Catch these fists? These hands? This would probably be more intimidating if I knew the correct phrasing)

Also, five jars of Nutella in one sitting is the worst idea I’ve ever heard in my life. Challenge accepted.

I don’t think you’re ridiculous, Blue. I totally understand why you don't want to tell me about your extracurricular activities (I’m guessing interpretive dance, though, you seem like the type.) But seriously, I get it. It’s this weird contradiction, right? It’s so much easier to be open with someone who doesn't know you at all. We’ll be each other's Ultimate Therapists. 

(Except I don’t think I could ever be a therapist.)

Anyway, I’m really glad you decided to email me back, too :)

-Angel

That smiley face was really unlike him. 

Nico sent the email, but after nearly an hour, he didn’t get on back, which meant Blue was probably asleep. Which was different from what Nico was used to; he tended to stay awake until the early hours of the morning most nights. But it wasn’t anything he minded. He had a conversation with Blue, and even if that was the last one they would ever have (which, he was hoping it wouldn’t be), it was good to know that there was somewhere out there like him.