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#(i mostly make weird objects and such)
hana-bobo-finch · 3 months
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welcome to another episode of I Have a Bad Migraine and I Have Come Up With Something While Half Asleep That I Cannot Really Explain
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This is it.
The thought swam through Dingo’s clouded mind over and over. No other thoughts could come through. His mind was in a haze. He had fainted a few times already—he had felt a bit woozy for a few seconds and then came to a few feet away from where he last remembered being, in a heap on the ground. This had happened a couple of times already, but when he woke up from his most recent blackout he lacked the strength to stand back up. Was he really about to die thanks to his own impulsivity?
What a shame that Ohri’s brightest star burns out at such a young age. Oh, that’s deep. I should write that down.
His thoughts were clearing up a little as he began to regain full consciousness. Or maybe it was some sort of pre-death lucidity. He remembered Yonny talking about something like that like it was a fun little conversation starter. Oh, Yonny…he hadn’t thought of him yet. His thoughts, when clear enough to be coherent, mostly focused on his family. Well, ok, they mostly focused on his own survival and how sad it was that such a strapping young man would die so young…But after a good hour of wandering aimlessly with no sign of hope, he had accepted his fate and was mainly worried about how his family would cope. He hadn’t thought about Yonny, though. Not until now. Dingo wasn’t too worried about him, honestly. Maybe it was selfish, but Dingo felt more sorry for himself than he did for Yonny. Yonny would probably find a way to steal the recovered frozen corpse and grow a new Dingo in a lab somehow. But, Dingo, wherever he’ll end up when he dies, will be all alone. No family, no friends, no Yonny. He’ll only see him again whenever Yonny dies. Which, given Yonny’s occasional comments about wanting to solve the mystery of eternal life, probably won’t be any time soon. Somehow, that thought more than anything else, more than his impending doom and sore body, is what broke him. He curled in on himself and buried his head in his arms. He was too tired to cry, too tired to scream, too tired to feel anything but brokenness. He sat like this for what seemed like hours when a booming voice rang out over the mountains:
What’s up guys, Mr. Beast here, and today I’m going to be climbing this mountain and naming it after today’s sponsor, Shopify!
The words startled Dingo out of his stupor. He had no energy to look for the source of the sound. Even with the surprise, his heart was pounding worryingly slow, much different to his normally racing pulse at the slightest startle. Who was this Mr. Beast character? Was he some demon coming to drag him down to the underworld? Whatever the case was, the man continued speaking to his phone before seeming to notice Dingo.
How good was this beast’s vision…? Dingo was the size of the man’s eye, how had he noticed him? He must have the vision of a hawk. Terrifying. The Beast picked Dingo up, cupping him in his palm.
Cancel the video we had planned, he said to nobody in particular. This is all we need for our brand deal.
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ik it's just bc that's harlan guthrie's native accent but the fact that john the brain demon has a canadian accent just tickles me for some reason
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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chitaquagirl · 7 months
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feeling dire
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br1ghtestlight · 4 months
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i love to make up horrible toxic fanon ships for my own ocs. its so funny 2 me and also interesting..... like every combination of characters that could conceivably happen i have thought about. some of them would 100% without a doubt make each other WORSE. some of them i genuinely think couldve worked if i had come up with them earlier and invested the time into their romantic relationship. some of them are actual jokes between my characters in "canon" bcuz specifically i think the idea of jayden thinking two is hot is funny Tbh. like he doesn't want u bro!!!!!! he barely even wants sunshine!!!!!
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cave-monkey · 7 months
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I'm watching Monkey King 2009, and I know a bit of what happens to Six Ears later so I can't help but look at things through that lens, specifically the ways the FFM troop are a hot mess in a way that's actually kind of interesting and addressed in the show (to the extent a kid's show generally touches on those things). Like! The fact it's only the second episode and the troop is now two-for-two throwing Six Ears to the wolves at the first available opportunity! I decided to look back on what happened the last time they did this and go ahead and outline the thoughts I was having on it because, apparently(!), this was not a one-off! And I was not overreacting!
The very first fight scene in the series in Episode 1. Analysis, go!
Specifically, the part where a child is the one facing down the leader of the enemy warband, a combatant who already mowed through the advances of two experienced, trained adults with minimal effort, and the show...actually kind of goes a semi-realistic route with it?
Six Ears starts off strong and confident. He's basically an adult, his king put him up to this, of course he can handle it! He won't let him down!
And he does a pretty good job! It's very kid's show fun and punchy.
But then the Demon King of Havoc - an adult, a trained fighter, a blooded fighter - starts buckling down. And Six Ears slips up. And then he keeps slipping up.
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It's not fun anymore. Six Ears is in way over his head and he knows it. So you get this (honestly kind of heartstring-tugging) shot of him glancing away while the Demon King approaches to look for his mentor and idol for help or guidance or something. He's a kid, he's scared now, and he wants his grandfather.
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...and finds him asleep.
Now in most media I'd expect this to either be the mentor-figure feigning indifference or carelessness to encourage their pupil to handle the problem themselves (and implying in the process that they never doubted their pupil's ability to handle it - that they were never in actual danger), or this would just be building tension before the seemingly-oblivious mentor-figure suddenly intervenes at the critical moment.
But, of course, Six Ears isn't the actual protagonist, and that's not what happens. Six Ears looks to his king for help, finds none, and that's it. The Demon King of Havoc goes in for the kill and all Six Ears can do is run.
And he does, and he runs and runs and runs, farther and farther from his troop and anyone who can help because apparently no one was paying attention to the kid who was taking on the leader of the entire opposing force by himself, and he barely stays ahead of the sword, the trees the Demon King sends crashing down on him, and he's blatantly not able to do anything more than survive moment to moment.
And then he can't run anymore.
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And the Old Monkey King doesn't show up. We find out he was never going to show up.
We get a shot of the Old Monkey King slowly waking up way back in the camp well after this scene, in response to Stone Monkey's hatching. (He also stands bolt right up, which is probably meant to be in shock at the giant stone rocketing into the sky wreathed in universe energy but I also like to think might also have been a "Where the FUCK is my KID" just so I can imagine someone was concerned about Six Ears during all this.)
Like, I cannot emphasize enough, Six Ears would be dead if Stone Monkey hadn't been hatching at this exact moment. An energy burst from the hatching blinds the Demon King long enough for Six Ears to bolt and start the chase again. That's what saves him. And then again when Six Ears manages to get the egg between him and a blow from the Demon King's sword.
Considering how eager the generals are to throw Six Ears to Stone Monkey when they're still convinced he's a legitimate danger in literally just the next episode, presumably just days after all this went down, and I...sort of think they were fully aware Six Ears was likely going to die to the Demon King. While I hesitate to say they didn't care at all, they showed in Episode 2 pretty clearly that they definitely cared way less about a child of their troop's likely death than they did about saving their own skins. Not enough to back him up, not enough to go after him when he's forced to flee, not enough to take on the fight in his place.
Which is tremendously messed up all on it's own, but it gets worse because these generals are all for treating him like a young kid when it's convenient for them. They see him as a child! But they're just as quick to throw him under the bus of adulthood as soon as that's convenient for them. Whatever requires the least effort from them, that's what they want him to be.
Seriously, who the hell is taking care of this kid? Because at this point it sure seems like the Old Monkey King - who is very old and very tired and whose body is blatantly failing him - is stuck not only trying to keep his troop in something vaguely resembling working order and secure them as much as possible for his imminent death no one but him seems concerned with, but is also somehow expected to be the primary (if not sole) caregiver of a young child. Something he can't be. Like, geez, guys. Let the man wither away in peace without piling on him more fraying threads of the things he can't possibly tie up properly before he goes, thanks!
Not to mention how this would blatantly conflict with the Old Monkey King's need to have a successor as soon as possible, since the most eligible adults in his troop are, apparently, all lazy cowards who are entirely unsuitable. He brings it up like two or three times in the first episode alone, so this is clearly something that's stressing him out, and his best option is still a boy. Meaning Old Monkey King is in a position of having to desperately (but trying not to show that he's desperate) push Six Ears to grow up just a little faster because he doesn't know how much longer he has left. There's just not a lot of room for him to just let Six Ears be a kid, in those circumstances. He needs a king. He needs Six Ears to make decisions and lead and take risks, even if the ones he's taking are far beyond the sort of things that should be on a kid's shoulders. He can't be his mentor and his grandfather and his king. No one person can be all three of those. Something is going to give. And so the Old Monkey King makes his mistakes. He piles too much on Six Ears too soon. He expects too much of him too soon. He nearly gets Six Ears killed in the first episode. (He accidentally leaves Six Ears vulnerable in the future to adults who want to use him.)
It's a fascinating little set-up. Obviously not really addressed in the show, since it's for kids and framed from a kid's perspective, which is also sort of genius? I'm thinking of the second episode where the generals are more than willing to dump Six Ears on the sacrificial alter, even physically carrying him out the door, an adult on each arm, like he might wise up and get scared and run (and if he did, like they wouldn't let him), and all Six Ears does is laugh. He's a kid. We've all been kids who think some of the most messed up things are perfectly normal simply because you don't have anything to compare it to. This is just the generals being the generals, obviously. They're so silly :)
But adults were writing this show, and I can't imagine an adult writing this not knowing exactly what they were doing. Especially knowing what happens to Six Ears.
Anyway, long story short: I want to fight the generals with my bare hands. I do not want to fight the Old Monkey King with my bare hands, but I do want to give him a long, disappointed glare over his cups that I feel like he would understand perfectly.
Also, someone needs to wrap Six Ears up in a burrito blanket and stuff him in a pillow fort with Stone Monkey where nothing can hurt them. That would be nice.
#images under cut#mhw09 personal#if this had a structure it went out the window real fast it's just me yelling about things at some point#okay look I guess I just had a lot to say after just two episodes. that's what blogs are for. (right? right. right.)#not even getting INTO how they talk about Stone Monkey#okay actually let's just not allow these guys around young teens at all. they can't be trusted.#you know what old monkey king how about you just point at one of the random background NPC monkeys we see hanging around and make THEM#your successor?#come on now#you're desperate and it's gotta be better than the literal child you are lovingly handcrafting SEVERAL major complexes for as we speak#and while we're on this topic how about you point to four random ones and make them your new Generals!#I mean sure the fact Ma Beng Liu and Ba are the Marshals/Generals probably means the others are somehow LESS competent or able#(maybe a cultivation level thing?)#but come on#actually I'm wondering if the Generals' lack of care for Six Ears comes from a similar place as their#fear and aversion to Stone Monkey#Six Ears is pretty blatantly noooot really a monkey “like them” either?#so wherever he came from I wonder if they had just as strong objections about HIM at some point#obviously they'd be mostly over them by now but...I dunno man#I wonder if they think of him less as a monkey kid and more as their king's weird alien pet project#oh! almost forgot! episode 2! the fact they off-handedly say they'll at least be hiding nearby in case Six Ears needs help#but uh...a whole-ass imp attacks him and they are nowhere to be found. Surprise surprise.#ugh they're the worst#they better get kicked into shape and grow better as people or they better get buried istg#that's a bit extreme#I mean it though#or at least replaced all right we'll go with 'get better or get kicked'
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soggypotatoes · 9 months
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watched the bluey episode dragon today and it changed meeee I spent hours drawing tonight bc I felt so encouraged by it!!
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hauntedtotem · 5 months
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I think the biggest red flag for me regarding the hopelesspeaches and lio convoy stuff, their entire group (especially lio) has near identical speech patterns and dynamics as my mom's online friend group. Which is less of a red flag and more of a raging wildfire tbh
#I listened to all the calls when they 'leaked' but I didn't know they were leaks I thought lio posted that stuff proudly#I didn't know that they weren't meant to be seen by the public until just now lol#Anyways I'm pleasantly surprised people are talking about how fucked up they were#Bc tbh when I was like 'oh this makes peaches (and everyone else) look like a bitch kinda' the first time I heard the calls-#I thought I was maybe being too judgey or sensitive or something?#But now everyone else is like 'yeah they are all being bitches actually' im like. Oh! So I understood right and wasn't just overreacting#Mostly bc lio was ranting about being a conservative Christian and weird 'nuclear family values' on one call and my immediate thought was#'oh gross Im too biased against this man to be able to look at this-#-discussion objectively. I'm gonna think he sucks regardless of the situation and therefore idk lf im a fair judge ?'#So it's cool to get confirmation from other ppl saying 'oh no ur right he sucks and here's why'#this is the 2nd time this week I got 'no youre not just overreacting. Other ppl are upset too' validation abt a topic. cool#//shade#I'm sure there's plenty of found family groups online that are great but so many of the ones i hear abt feel like a cult imo#My mom is in a group where this dude calls her and other women there his daughters like lio does to peaches and it feels gross to me idk#Ik everyone craves found family connections but. Idkk it feels weird to be taking that in a literal sense and calling them dad/my daughter#Feels like introducing unnecessary power dynamics.#Theres a difference between 'oh this person is like family to me because we're so close'#vs 'oh i am adopting this person and assuming a parental position over them'. that sounds unhealthy I think ?#Edit I just found out lio posted a response but it's midnight and I have a date tomorrow I'm not watching that rn lol#imo both him and peaches are bad and idc if one is worse than the other or whatever.#Peaches has been two faced for a while; lio might've taken advantage of her bc he's kinda creepy. They're both saying the other abused them#This is like jade and julian talking shit about each other to me. Idc guys I hate both of u srry <3#Iykyk
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dilfsuzanneyk · 8 months
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movedtodykedvonte · 2 years
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hi, i would kill and/or die for Surv and now i need to know if my boy's brawly enough to lift all four of his lovers into the air (like when they're all on the same couch, or, even better, Bear Hug Style lol)
Okay so I don’t reference it a lot of Surv is scarily strong. Addisons are meant to embody the very aspect of what they advertise so Surv like is strong in every physical aspect. A big reason he tries to be so gentle and calm, even if a natural expressive and emotional guy, is cause the dude could do damage if he comes at a situation frantic with that strength. In chapter 9 I mention he lifts bushes out the ground with ease when he was worked up looking and attempted a dumpster before he was stopped. He could’ve thrown the dumpster if he wanted.
It’s sorta not always like that cause it’s adrenaline activated. Like that level of strength is panic induced cause his body is effectively going into fight mode. He can activate that strength anytime, sure, but tends not to cause he doesn’t always have the hindsight to not be destructive. Generally it goes from lifting the couch with little effort to “Did he just rip that tree in half”.
…So yeah he can lift them all in the air bear hug style.
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kii2me2ii2 · 2 years
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I love calling people cis adjacent. Trans card revoked without straight calling them a trender. Good work boys.
#cis-adj and trender mean different things#trenders are actually traditionally very NOT cis adjacent#gnc and cis adjacent are not antonyms/ tho they usually dont mesh super well together#cis adjacent mostly refers to someone who does not take any active steps towards transition#which is why i think its a helpful and sensical term??? if they are literally. not. taking steps to TRANSition. they are cis adjacent#listen. cis adjacent trans people are good. or/ better than cis people at least.#they can have a lot to say about what it feels like for them to be trans. but they should also have a lot to say about being cis adjacent#intersectionality means so much more than just Oppression/Oppression it is subtle experience/subtle experience#and the difference between being visibly trans and not even wanting\needing to take transition steps is Not Subtle#even tho they both theoretically could fit within all the same identities and intersectionalities down to being trans#a subtle difference is something like not wanting vs not needing to take those steps#idk im jus rambling nonsense at this point i didnt think id end up full hearted defending the term cis adjacent#basically. nobodies getting their trans card revoked that was obviously a joke.#cis adjacent is kinda like the term straight passing for bi people.#it can be used horribly and it can make you feel bad but imo? it has its use#sometimes people are straight passing and sometimes people are cis adjacent.#the biggest problem seems to be how broadly people apply these terms#a lot of bi people literally cannot pass as anything but queer and the way a lot of monos act like#bi people are just like a monolith of fem women and masc men is very fucking weird????? and that is objectively biphobic#i dunno what im talking about anymore
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onceuponanaromantic · 2 years
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yknow what, in hindsight I’m really grateful that when I took a course on the history of colonialism in Southeast Asia, the teacher drilled the exact geography of Indonesia into our collective heads before he even got to like the impacts of Dutch existence in Indonesia and the stages of it.
Like, now that I’m looking at the global focus on colonialism right, and its depictions in art in post-colonial societies and the construction of race and other identity categories within said societies, it’s actually really useful to have that basic understanding that most colonial societies were kind of cobbled together for ease of governance and do not have a monolithic understanding of the impacts of colonialism? Like, esp now that it’s Back with Lizzie’s death right like, it’s really really useful to have that understanding of how exactly colonial administration and military ventures went about grouping wildly disparate communities under the same categories for ease of governance and the economic impacts of colonialism.
And I’m just thinking about it because yes, it makes so much sense when you think about the different islands and the problems with governance today right and the ways the colonial powers continued to exert influence over their ex-colonies (and the way their methods of knowledge production and control remained) but you have to understand, first of all, where all the islands are and that geological basis forms a very good understanding of how people understand language and community and society at all.
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ame-to-ame · 2 months
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Ackk
#time to admit that other than being lazy and out of shape and trauma another reason i don't work out is bc i Do Not want to be hot#bc i was trained under a tiger mom i went through a lot of. sports as a kid. and it's kinda the only thing keeping my body still in shape#but it also gave me a lot of problems and pain and we don't talk abt that that's not the point. the point is that i have. a base there.#whenever i lose weight whenever i slim down whenever im not as flabby the muscle tone comes out the abs start to look like abs#and aside from how im scared of muscles and etc. i do not want to have that muscular twink build.#like i think back and arm muscles can look good and hot and. i have the ability to have that build. but i really. ack.#seeing how i look in a cropped sleeveless thing. i. ack. ack. ack. yes i like how it looks but only through a screen#yes objectively i look hot yes smash but the thought of that actually being my body makes me feel a bit sick to the stomach!!#i do not know whether it's my dysphoria or my inherent fear of. associations of physical violence. and it's so silly. it's just a build.#it's just having a little bit of muscle tone I don't even have much it's mostly bc ive lost so much weight. but idk i just. i feel sick.#im scared of men im scared of being underneath someone bigger than me im scared of not being able to escape when someone is on top of me#bc it's really scary. you can spar a red belt and manage to hold your ground but the moment someone is on top of you you're stuck.#I've felt the fear and genuine terror of not being able to get someone off me. and idk. it's going to take a long while to get over it#but yeah! body image issues!!! i don't like how i look when i gain weight i don't like how i look when i lose weight#i think i just need to take down every single mirror there is in the bathroom i do not want to perceive myself.#maybe the plan is just to get. so hot im more distracted from my dysphoria lmao if i can dissociate from how i look#bc im still a losercore at heart im still the little kid ppl would ask out as a joke im not supposed to look hot in the mirror#having ppl regard me as attractive is so weird bc im not used to it i never was the person ppl crushed on in middle school due to the racism#so sometimes when i see myself idk i feel like im seeing videos or pics of some other. person. who belongs somewhere else. not here. not me.#but that's enough for body image issues today lmao we get it u don't recognize yourself in the mirror but at least in the mirror u look hot
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prettyboykatsuki · 1 month
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objects in the mirror | j. togame
✮ tags ; afab!reader + fem!reader, reader is so painfully dense / naive, ambiguous relationships, friends to ???, somewhat unrelieved sexual tension, sex toys, guided masturbation kinda, kissing, groping, nipples play, squirting, dialogue heavy, vaguely post canon, petnames (kame-chan and jo-chan for togame, baby for reader) 18+
✮ wc ; 6.4k (you have got to be fucking with me)
✮ a/n ; the one fic i wont be mad if you ask for part two on lolol. title from a mac miller song (my favorite mac miller song) that reminds me of a lot of characters but i felt really fit this fic.
go listen to it. his best track. also this like... mega got away from me. togame sorry for blueballing you.
✮ synopsis ; your only goal is to have a half-way decent orgasm. togame, as your best friend, is determined to help you reach it.
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"So," Togame leans back into your bed. "You bought a vibrator and... can't use it? Because you keep psyching yourself out?"
"Yeah," You sigh with your head hung low. "Paid good money for it and it's collecting dust in my drawer. I'm miserable."
Togame smiles a little from where he's laid across the width of your bed, back propped up against the wall slightly with his legs hanging off one edge. You kick his side lightly as he fails to contain his amusement.
"Do you enjoy seeing me suffer, huh? You take amusement in my pain, you bastard?"
"Pfft," He snickers, turning a little to face you better. "It's kinda hard not too. Just seems..."
"You think it's stupid," You frown. He scratches his jaw.
"I wouldn't say that. A little silly but—"
"Which is another word for stupid," You point out. He shakes his head.
"The connotations different. Stupid would mean I'm insulting you. I don't think it's stupid. Ridiculous, maybe." And then he laughs to himself like a jackass. "No... I take it back. It's definitely ridiculous."
"You asshole. I should kick you out of my house."
He smiles knowingly, lazy and bemused. "You're not gonna,"
Smug bastard. You groan in defeat. "But I should."
He doesn't reply, brushing you off as easy as ever. "Sorry. Just not sure what exactly you want me to do with that information."
You throw your hands up in the air. "I dunno? Fucking help me. Offer solutions. Use whats left of your brain after getting the shit beat out of you as a teenager. Something."
"Now who's being an asshole." He quips. You frown.
"I'm sorry," You say easily. Togame smiles softly though you miss it while you're looking away. "But...ugh."
"Got such a way with words." He hums sarcastically before sobering a touch. He's scrolling through his phone not entirely paying attenion. "I don't really get why you're askin' me. Don't you have better candidates for this conversation?"
You give him a long-suffering look. "No. Unfortunately I live here, so the answer is not really. I can't talk to Kotoha or Tsubaki about this. We talk about guys and stuff but it's usually pretty PG."
"So I'm your stand in for a girl best friend?"
You tilt your head. "Huh? No. You're just my best friend. I would bitch to you about this either way."
He stares at you for a long while before scrubbing a hand down his face. You can't understand his sudden reaction, watching in confusion as he takes a deep breath.
"Right. Right, I'm your best friend." Togame mutters mostly to himself, sighing before going back to his usual demeanor. He rubs his under his eye. "Really dunno what you're asking for. You can whine however much you want, though."
"I'm not whining," You pause before sighing again. "Okay. Maybe I am whining, like, a little. But you would too if you were me, okay? I want to..." You make a face, the words suddenly feeling clumsy on your lips. You're not even doing anything and you're getting all weird about it. "I just wanna...cum."
Togame pauses. He sits up, sort of suddenly after that and finally has the decency to take off his boots. He scoots to the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor to do it, and you can't see his face when he speaks again. You don't think twice about it.
"Have you not? Like... ever?"
"Huh? No, I have but it's not really satisfying. It doesn't scratch the itch for me, you know? That's what the toy was for."
Togame takes another minute or two of silence as he takes off his boots. You wonder if it always takes him so long to take them off. Seems inconvenient.
He goes back to laying down, leaning on the wall with his legs spread out. "What kinda toy is it anyway?
"Oh, it's—" You stop in the middle of your sentence, brow furrowing. "Wait. Should I be telling you this?"
"Are you suddenly gaining self-awareness? Little late for that." He smiles.
"That's true," You reply, relaxing again with your arms crossed. "Nothing complicated. A rabbit vibrator, but the kinda expensive ones."
"How much?"
"Twelve-thousand yen. I got it on sale too,"
"No wonder you're so peeved you can't use it," Togame comments evenly. "A lot of money to be collecting dust. You even take it out the box?"
You deflate all over again. "Yeah. Charged it. Cleaned it too. But I put it back."
"Lemme see,"
"Huh? Oh, okay. Sure."
You don't bother asking why Togame wants to see your sex toy. It doesn't occur to you that there'd be any reasons outside of plain curiosity which you can understand. Togame dated a girl long-term so he knows some things, but you figure any girl with a decent boyfriend wouldn't need to make the same use of toys as you do. It'd make sense he's never seen one up close and personal.
You scoot to the edge of the bed and lean slightly as you open the side drawer and pull the toy out where it sits in nice, cardboard package. You pass it off to Togame before sitting back comfortably against your headboard.
He sits the box in his lap and stares at it for a long while.
You wonder if this is weird.
It doesn't bother you much either way, but it it is...
Odd, just how long Togame stares at it. He undoes the top of the folded box, pulling it back to reveal the soft, baby blue vibrator. It's six inches long and curved, with a soft rubber attachment to stimulate your clit and angle for your g-spot at the same time. Made with a high quality velveteen silicone. It has a lot of settings, and does the sort of rumbly vibrations you know feel good as opposed to the mechanical buzz of cheaper kinds.
Completely unused, Togame holds in his hands for a while, grabbing it by the ends. He doesn't touch it in a way that's weird. More like he assesses it. Measures it. You don't know for what though.
"It's cute."
"Huh?"
"The vibrator, I mean." Togame comments, putting it back in the box. His expression is unreadable. Something simmers under the surface of his neutral face but you can't place what exactly. "It's a cute color and the little pointed part here is cute."
You place a hand on your chest and close your eyes in sincerity. "Thank you. I also think I have excellent aesthetic taste."
Another pause. Brief but not.
"Do you want help using it?"
"Wha—"
"The vibrator," Togame clarifies before you get through the rest of your sentence. "Do you want me to help you use it?"
Your mind blanks. Your mouth moves faster than you can.
"...In what way?"
Togame remains steady. "Getting you comfortable and putting in you. As far as solutions go, it's the best I've got."
...Huh?
"Wouldn't that be awkward for you?"
"Is it awkward for you?" Togame replies back.
You stop to consider the question then shake your head.
"I mean...It's you. I trust you and I'm grateful but this..." You furrow your brow and look towards him. "Can you really do something like that with me? Just to help me?"
"Yeah." He replies. The words come so easily to him you're startled. Was he always this casual? You guess in a way but still. It's surprising. "It's the most direct route to solve your problem, I think. Once you've done it once with someone else, you'll definitely be able to do it alone right?"
You reason about this and find it's a somewhat optimal solution. You can't figure out the exact source of your unease about all of it, though it's there. You can't figure out Togame either. You appreciate how much he seems to want to help you but it doesn't make your worries go away.
You frown a little deeper.
"You're thinking about it too hard." Togame interjects. His tone is warm and easy.
"You're not thinking about it hard enough," You respond back. "What are you trying to do anyway? To help."
"Scratch the itch for you. Just think of it like that."
"Does that do anything for you?"
He dodges the question. "Don't worry about me. I'm offering. Promise it's fine."
You frown with your legs crossed, staring at the empty space of the bed. "...I g-guess it's fine? I can't think of a reason to say no."
"You don't mind doing this with me? Or is it because you're okay with anyone?"
You shake your head.
"What are you saying? Of course it's because you're the one asking. I trust you."
He smiles genuinely at that, eyes closed in what seems like relief. "I just wanted to make sure."
Togame opens his eyes again and casts them your way. Your breathing feels shallow under the weighted glance. He sits up a little more and shrugs his jacket off his shoulders, placing it on the pillow next to you. He feels broader without the layer of fabric over his torso, white shirt stretching over his frame as he sits on the bed on his knees.
"Lay down. Get comfortable."
You nod, adjusting the pillows and things and trying not to feel self-conscious or get cold feet. It speaks to your desperation that you're taking this help so willingly and from your long time best friend no less. In the back of your head, you do feel a little strange.
Togame is just being a good friend, that's what you tell yourself. You believe it too.
He hovers above you first. You tilt your head to look at him, the short gap of space between you feeling particularly small while also being miles wide. Your stomach flutters as Togame's eyes fix on your lips.
He leans forward and presses his mouth to yours. It's chaste. You wonder if you look even half as surprised as you feel.
"What was that for?"
"Breaking the ice."
You mumble. "Oh..."
Togame kisses you again that time, and then one more time before speaking up. "You're so naive."
"Huh? No I'm not,"
He brushes you off again that time before sitting up again. He sits between your legs where you have them spread. You have no idea what he's thinking or why he's doing this.
Unlike most people, you usually do have a good read on what Togame is feeling. He's upfront most of the time, despite his posturing seeming wishy-washy. It's a little weird to feel so out of bounds around him, like he purposely has his guard up. You wonder if that guard is for you, or for him. Is he uncomfortable somehow? Is he trying not to hurt your feelings by not being interested? You're not really expecting that.
But if that were the case, there's no reason he would help you this way.
Before you get too entranced in your thoughts, Togame snaps you out of them.
"How do you normally do this?"
You blink and look up.
"Do what?"
"Get off," Togame answers. Your eyes meet and you find yourself wanting to look away. "You said it was unsatisfying so I thought it'd be better if we started there,"
"Uhm," You feel embarrassed trying to talk about this. You're not sure why. It's not something you'd feel self-conscious outside this specific context but Togame just seems more... intense then usual. Like he's being serious about your silly problem. "D-depends? Sometimes I watch porn or listen to audios or read. Not always."
"Got it. How do you touch yourself then?"
He looks expectant. You turn your head to look away from him. The minutes tick by.
"Uhm... just rubbing my c-clit usually. I have uhm, other toys I'll use sometimes too but I need to touch my clit to get off." You wonder if these are too many details. Togame is listening to it so carefully. "Uhm. If i-its too sensitive I'll touch over my clothes too. Sometimes I cum like that."
His face shifts. It lingers long enough for you to notice but not enough for you to process what it was. He's back to his usual self so quickly you wonder if you've made the entire thing up.
"Right. I think I know what your problem is,"
You feel a little relieved at that. "Really?"
He pauses before smiling a little with a friendly nod that reminds you of how you were when you were kids, a face that's unexpectedly kind. "Really."
You look at him expectantly.
"I think you're not building up to it enough." Togame comments, smoothly. You blink at him. "You're a girl, you know? Can't jump straight into it, you need to stimulate yourself more first and relax. You're so focused on cumming it backfires. I'll help you."
"How...?"
"I'll help you relax and help you figure out what you like. Don't think about it too hard and focus on feeling good."
"You really don't have to do this for me," You mumble. He smiles at you.
"C'mon. You just said I was your best friend right? I don't mind, so chill out and let me help."
"Okay," You nod, bright eyed. "Okay....thank you."
He makes a face at you before nodding. "Uh-huh. Of course."
Togame hovers above you with lazy smile. You close your eyes on instinct as you feel your lips press together. His lips are softer than you thought they'd be. A hand cups the back of your neck and brings you closer to him. The weight of his body makes you self-conscious about his proximity. You can smell the scent of his skin, feel his presence surround you as he kisses you soft to start.
The shift in the air surrounding you is gradual in a way that reminds you so much of Togame. He's not intense at the beginning, never is really is - but then his hand goes to hold your knees and pull your legs up. His tongue slips against the closed seam of your lips until they part, until he touches yours and you have to reconfigure how you breathe. He's so good at kissing you it makes you wonder if he's kissed you before and you can't remember. But then it feels good and you're reminded—
If it felt this good there's no way you would've forgotten it.
When you pull away for air to breathe, or start to stumble through a question on how this is helping - Togame shuts you up. It takes it happening twice for you realize it's deliberate. Every time he kisses you a little deeper, and the last time he slips his tongue in so far you'd think he's trying to eat you whole.
You're wet. You're unsure if you're allowed to feel guilty about it, or if you're even meant too. Anyone would be turned on getting kissed like this. You're really unsure about all of this but you're fine because it's Togame. There's no way he'd do anything bad to you or for you.
He's over protective in general, though he's rarely frank about it.
(If you were any less clueless, you'd would know that most times Togame is doing his best to protect from himself. Most times, he feels like the biggest danger to you)
Togame pulls away from your lips when you moan a little. You feel embarrassed at the state your left in and how he looks at you. Picking you apart in his mind but not with ill intent. Like he wants to know every thread of your want.
Again, you think he's going to tease you. Light but still teasing.
"Does that feel good?"
It's a serious question. It stuns you. Just a little. His hand on the back of neck feels hot. You notice the way his thumb caresses your nape and try not to stutter.
"Uh..y-yeah." You reply, trying not to look stupid. "I like kissing. Uhm. In general."
He doesn't react to that, nods in a way you find curt in comparison to how passionately he was kissing you just moments ago. "It'll help you relax." And then, a little softly. "If you want to kiss again and we're not already, ask."
An odd request but you acquiesce with another soft noise.
"Do you feel a little warmed up?"
His eyes are so strangely shaded in this light. You open your mouth to the awkward confession. "Oh... nn. I'm... y-yeah. I'm wet already."
"From kissing?"
You give him a sheepish look. Togame responds with another kiss that makes you feel like you're being driven into a corner. This one is hot and heavy, doesn't build up but starts with an almost oppressive air. He nips at you, teeth tugging at your lips and licking in earnest to your mouth. Long and deep until your brain feels melty, your thoughts swimming and clouded. Longing for touch and release. Arousal threads through the fibers of your muscles, makes you feel wound up tight - a serpents coil. You clench your thighs on instinct at the worsening wetness.
Your mouth feels swollen and bitten when you pull away again and Togame looks a little more like you're used to him looking. An underlying sense of smug self-satisfactions on his face as he looks down at you, not outweighed by his genuine ease.
A look on his face like he likes your company. You find him comforting in how easy it is to see.
"Is it okay to touch you in other places?"
"Uhm. Anywhere above the belt is fine, I think."
"Makes sense,"
He leans up and slides both hands underneath your hoodie. You're not really prepared for... this. You don't know if you can call it sex or not but whatever it is, you weren't intending for it to happening.
"You're not wearing a shirt," His hands feel so big on your waist. Big and calloused, split skin scarred over from fighting. "A bra?"
"A sports bra."
"Right."
He slides your hoodie up over your torso until it's bare and takes your sports bra along with it in one go. Your tits fall from them with a soft swish with how quick he does it, the light bounce making your skin grown hot. Togame hovers above you as he eyes them, palms just underneath but not touching.
"Stop looking so hard."
He brushes past that. "They're nice."
"Shut up," You say for the first time. Togame smiles slightly.
"Not a nice way to talk to someone who's helping you," He says sarcastically. You pout but refuse to apologize. He remains unbothered then goes back to being alarmingly serious. "Do you play with them?"
"H-huh? When I masturbate? Not really. I've never thought too."
"Why's that?"
You shrug. "The guys I dated used to touch them but it mostly felt weird, not good. Never thought of trying on my own."
He gives you a looking asking for permission. You nod. This really does not feel normal but the arousal clouding your brain is a lot louder than your sense of shame.
Togame's hands slide up your sides until he's cupping the roundness of your chest. His thumbs hover against hardened nipples, constrained in the touch. It's different than how other guys have done it for you. He's paying attention to that bit most, and he's going about it softly. Pushing the hardened bud with a light flick that sends a jolt of shock through your body.
He's quick to notice your reaction, green eyes flickering up before doing it again. You squirm, stretching your legs and shifting as another tick of arousal goes through your whole body. Your clit is starting to throb so much it hurts. If it were you, you would've started touching yourself a long while ago. As soon as you felt yourself get wet.
Togame is taking his time, though. And you're feeling it so much it's a little shameful for you. He does it again, touching your nipples - both side at the same time. Your body is pushing for more.
You've managed to keep the noise down but you're pushed over your usual limits. A moan spills from your lips as you push up into his touch. "That's good, huh? Just needed it a little softer and more focused."
You try not to be any more embarrassing. Wouldn't anyone feel weird over this?
He's the most important person in your entire life, and he's seeing you like this. Not judging you, just remaining even and consistent. Teasing you but not enough to make you upset. He's being so careful. Is this the kind of boyfriend he is? You think that must make him popular, so then... why does it never work out? He's never dated anyone longer than a year.
But he's being so sweet to you despite not dating. He's always kind but this is different. You can't imagine who would see this part of him and break up.
You try not to think about any of this but the only other thing you can focus on is him rubbing your nipples and how nice it feels. The moan of his name is pitchy, sounds foreign to your own ears with how high and broken it is.
"Kame-chan," Your voice is warbly when you ask. You just want to stop thinking. "Kiss?"
He pauses. You think he's going to deny you at first.
"Fuck. That ain't fair, you know?"
You don't know what he means, but he complies and kisses you open mouthed as he plays with your tits. Rubs and flicks them just the way you like. It feels so good. You've never felt anything like it before. Your tummy flutters, honeyed lust dripping down your inner thighs.
Your body moves on it's own, your hands carding through his hair as arousal starts to pool. Your panties feels soaked and sticky, through the fabric. You shift again trying to relieve the feeling, brain scrambled by Togame's touch.
You're so horny you can't make sense of anything. Your body is a relentless echo of your wants and needs - demanding attention. His attention, specifically. Need curls up in your chest.
Between kisses you confess this to Togame, who you trust now more than ever despite feeling so incredibly vulnerable. How could you not go with it when he's taking such good care of you?
"Wanna cum so bad," You mutter, sloppy between kisses. Togame takes in a deep breath as he pulls away.
"You think you're worked up enough for it?"
You see through him instantly even in your haze. "Don't be mean to me, you jerk."
"Caught me, huh? Okay, okay. How do you normally do this?"
"Do what?"
"Fuck yourself with something,."
The words send heat sparking against your spine. You tuck your face against his jacket where it's laying besides you and huff. It smells like him. "Ngh. Usually finger myself a little first."
"Got a good idea then." He hums. The sound of his voice, low and smooth, makes you feel comforted. "I'll lay next to you and help keep you distracted while you open yourself up, yeah? Nothing below the belt 'n all. And when you're already I'll put in for you and turn it on."
You sniff. "Okay."
He smiles at you, pulling his hands and body away from you before laying besides you instead. He lets you rest your head against his arm and shoulders - sneaking the rest of his arm around and underneath you, squeezing one of your tits. He presses your body into him and gropes around the bed for the box with your toy, grabbing it from inside before shoving it away.
Up close, you can feel his muscles even better than you could. You wonder how someone so relaxed could be this built but try not to let it burden your brain. He smells so nice. Did he always? You feel too horny to remember, but you like it.
You can feel him glancing down at you, amused.
"Comfy?" Togame's voice vibrates through your whole body.
"Uh-huh."
"If you turn your head towards me I can kiss you and touch you. Keep your mind occupied a bit."
"Oh. That makes sense."
"It does right? Go ahead and start."
You think you should tell him not to watch. Keeps his eyes for himself. But the focus of his gaze makes you burn so much hotter you don't bother. He's already seen so much, anyway.
You shimmy out of your sweat pants until they're down at your ankles revealing your panties. Baby blue printed boyshorts, fabric soaked until they look a nearly new navy shade. You feel his laughter less than you hear it, turning your head to glare at him. He smiles a little at you.
"Those are cute too," Togame comments. You can hear his voice so clearly like this you think you'll collapse if you pay too much attention to it. "Too bad you made 'em all messy."
You swallow a sound, too horny to protest. He stops you before you can take your panties off.
"Didn't you say you normally touch over the fabric when you're sensitive? Do that."
"But—"
"Just trust me," He promises. He kisses your hair. Your heart thuds when he does it. It's an innocent gesture. "It'll make it more satisfying, okay?"
Your shaky as you spread yourself a little wider and slip your hand down between your legs. All the desire you're holding starts to unwind as your middle finger slides over the soaked seam of your cotton panties. They're cuter than normal, printed with florals and lace trimmed. Absolutely drenched in your arousal. You rub a small circle into your clit and your whole body breaks out into shivers, your eyes fluttering closed at the sensation.
You could cum like this. Just from this. But you want something more, something better so you force yourself to go slow.
"It's messy," Togame hums, nonchalant. "You get easier than I thought you would. Are you going slow so you don't cum right away?"
"Don't point it out, aah,"
"You should cum if you want too," Togame suggests.
"No," You whine. "Wanna cum with the toy."
"Wanna cum with a cock inside you, ya mean? A silicone one but still. Not enough to just touch yourself, you need something more, is that it?"
He says the words so casually, so lightly. Almost friedly despite how filthy they are. There's no malice in them.
Spoken like high praise or affection. The kind you'd show a kitten,.
"Kame—"
"Didn't know your had such a need pussy. No wonder it's hard to cum all by yourself, huh?"
"Stop being mean," You gasp. "I'll cum,"
He laughs at that. It's genuine and bright.
"Too much for ya, huh? S'okay. Take these off now. Finger yourself. Make sure you get all that mess you made so we can use on your toy. It'll hurt if it's dry going in."
You feel blindsided by just how much Togame is talking. He's been so quiet, so brief and unreadable. He feels like his usual self too much, to your complete detriment. His voice is teasing, yet warm and sweet. He smells good and he's pressing you all against his chest. Your fingers tremble as you slide your panties down to your ankles same as before. You end up shimmying the rest of your clothes off.
You're so aroused it's easy to get the first finger in. Your hole twitches, the entrance pleasurable as slowly ease your middle finger down to knuckle. You til your head towards Togame as you get adjusted to the intrusion easily from how wet you are, pouting your lips. He gives into the kiss right away, warm tongue and soft lips familiar to you now. You ease yourself into the pace of his kiss, whimpering into his mouth as you slowly open yourself on second finger.
"I want it so bad," You mumble. He laughs against your mouth.
"I can tell. Can barely string a sentence together. You want to cum huh?"
"Uh-huh."
"What a naughty pussy. You're trembling from just fingering yourself. Won't you cum right away if I put in you at once? I'll have to go slowly," Togame explains. He speaks the filth so naturally. "Take my time so you're stretched nicely and not scared anymore. I'll turn the vibrator on after it's already inside so you can't run away from it. You can cum to your hearts content, then."
"I'm still scared," You admit. You're just so horny you're unsure of what else to do. He leans down to kiss you again, nose brushing against yours intimately.
"Don't be scared. Just focus on stretching so you're not so tight. I'll praise you if you take it in easily."
Your voice gives once you manage to get a third in. Togame doesn't stop kissing you, barely giving you enough air to breathe. He plays with your chest with his free hand, and holds the toy with the other.
A string of spit connects you. Your thighs are aching, body burning hot as you look at him directly.
"Wanna cum," You slur your words, speaking in short sentences. Togame grins a little.
"Take your fingers out and show them to me."
Your stomach flips but you comply with the request. Your face burns from how soaked they are.
"Good. Rub them on the toy now. Get it as sticky as you can."
Your heart is pounding is loud in your ears as you clumsily coat your new toy with your own mess. You watch it gain a fresh shine, baby blue turning reflective as you push it against and between your fingers until all of it's coated as best you can.
"That's it, good. Spread your legs now. Gonna put it in. Want me to kiss you?"
You nod sheepishly and close your eyes. Togame laughs warmly before kissing you again.
Your whole body throbs in anticipation for it. A muscular forearm and hand slip between your legs as you spread yourself open, your feet flat on the bed for easier access. Togame forces his tongue into your open mouth, kissing you wet and hard as he tweaks your nipples. You feel pleasantly suffocated from the pressure before gasping into his mouth.
The swollen silicone head of your toy stretches your pussy more than you thought it would. You've never had a toy with angles so the sensations are all new. You can feel it so well inside of you, you can barely keep your composure long enough to stop moaning as just the tip slides in. Togame swallows each noise from your mouth. His kisses feel almost ferocious now when they were so composed before, free hand cupping your jaw from one side.
He fucks it in slowly, rocking the toy by its handle slowly until you get used to it - giving you moments between to adjust. You can feel it bottom out inside of you, the head pressing so precise on your swollen gspot you could cum from bucking your hips. Your sensitivity is over the top. Every touch and and tease and bump makes your cunt clench and throb.
The blunt end of the rubber attachment presses against your needy little clit. Togame moves the toy a little, fucking you with it slightly again. Barely. It still nearly makes you cum.
You feel like he's edging you. Anymore than this, you think you'll go crazy.
"Kame-chan." Your voice is beyond wrecked, throat as one of your hands reaches to cling desperately to his short sleeves. You fist it, teary. "Jo, turn it on please. Make me cum. Wanna cum so bad, 'm so close, please, please. C'mon."
"Turning it on, baby. Easy."
The word baby makes your body melt.
A slight click sounds as Togame turns on the vibrator.
Your whole body lurches at the sudden change. Togame pins you with his own, keeps his hands steady and the toy inside of you without skipping a beat. The soft whirr of the first setting completely unravels you. It feels like every nerve in your body is being pulled apart, electricity through a frayed copper wire. The muscles in your body aching with anticipation after so many dissatisfying orgasms clench tight as your body prepares itself for something so vast your mind can't process it at all. Your hands fist at your sides, clutching the sheets as you get close to cumming.
You're thrashing from the sensation. It's so much, too much - you've never felt anything like it before. You feel full and euphoric and your head is spinning. It feels so good it terrifies you, makes you clench up hard in how unbearably unrelenting it is. There's no pace, no where to escape from. The vibrations are strong but not overwhelming to the point you can't feel them.
You're so senstive all over your body and it's touching you in two places.
Your spine starts to curl into an arch, hips stuttering and twisting as you feel it rushing over your consciousness. Fuck, you've wanted this for so long. It's exactly the high you've been chasing after on your own for so many months it's making your brain feel like like mush. Animal instinct forces your hips up, bucking against Togame's hand where he holds the toy. You're fucking yourself on it. You can hear him laugh as he moves to meet you ruts.
You feel like you're losing your fucking mind.
"G-gonna—fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I can't, I can't, I can't. Feels so good, Ican't."
He leans in and gets close to your ear, tongue caressing the lobe before biting it soft.
"Yes you can. You want it so bad don't you? Wanna cum all over this cock so bad you've been aching for it. I know you want it, I can see it. Look how much your moving your hips." His voice is shaking, hands flicking your nipples messy and harsh as he speaks. "Look what a mess you're making. You're leaking everywhere. You want it badly right? Don't think about it and cum. Cum as much as you want. Cum for me,"
The last words are the ones to snap the thread inside of you.
Your brain bluescreens as your body seizes before finally, finally giving you the orgasm you've been chasing. You smash your lips against Togame's as your spine arches off the bed, thrashing in place. Something in you undoes - and you feel a wet rush spray from between your legs at the same time your orgasm hits. Your mind feels completely and utterly blanked. Your body is in total rapture, uncontrollable pleasure fucking your brain until you're stupid and slack jawed. It feels so good, so so good. You didn't know anything could ever feel that good in your life. It's scary.
You feel like you could get addicted. Your high rides out for much longer than ever before. In between sloppy kisses, you say the same words over and over and over. Togame grips you close to him as you do.
"Jo," You mutter. "Thank you, thank you, thank you—feels so fffucking good, fuck. I can't, I can't. Off, off. 's too much, I'll pee."
Instead of turning it off, he turns the vibration up by one. Your eyes fly open as you gasp, words rushed. Panicked.
"I can't," You swear, looking at him for mercy. His face is flushed. "I can't, Jo-chan, I'll cum again, I'll—"
"Cum." He says, demands - voice rougher than you've heard it all night. "I know you can. Cum,"
On demand practically, your legs seize up and you cum again a second time in near succession. You feel so fucking incredible you think you're going to die.
"Fuck!"
You squirt again, body nearly giving out as more short spurts soak your sheets and mattress. Your pussy is pulsing in the after math, trembling and clenching so violently. You whine loudly as Togame stops the vibration and pulls the toy out, shivering as it catches on your tight hole before coming out of it with a soft pop.
Your legs are twitching.
Even though Togame has no more reason to kiss you he does. And even though you're well past the point of needing to kiss him back, you do more affectionately than any time prior.
"You made me feel so good it's freaking me out." You admit, shaking uncontrollably.
Togame pauses before breaking out into genuine laughter. He kisses your head, arm wrapping around your shoulders until you're hugged against him.
"You were so sexy like that."
You blink at him, face flushed.
"Sexy?"
"I was really hard seeing you cum," He says, casually looking down. "I didn't know you could be cute and ask for kisses. You're usually more—"
You put a hand over his mouth.
"Whatever you're gonna say shut up,"
He just smiles, cheek against your hair. "I'm glad you got to feel good."
"What about you?" You mumble, feeling your heart pick up just asking. "Are you still hard? I feel like I should pay you back somehow,"
He looks at you seriously. "Do you know what you're implying?"
You fold a little but nod anyway. "Yeah."
"Do you really? The monk thing is a joke, you know. If you offer something like that, I won't be able to stop."
"It's fine," You say confidently before adding, much quieter. "I r-really want to do... it with you."
Togame pauses before kissing you deeply. Your whole body feels molded to him now.
"Damn it." He looks down at you, black hair sticking to his skin. You wanna feel his undercut with your hands in his hair. "You know this ain't normal between friends, right?"
"Uhm, yeah? I figured."
"Don't go around getting help from anyone."
You shake your head. "It's only 'cause it's you."
He scrubs a hand over his face and laughs. "You don't need to stir me up anymore. I'm already hard enough. Can't keep my composure at all."
You tilt your head in confusion. Togame just sighs.
"Don't worry about it." He says, shaking his head. "How soon can I get my thanks?"
Your eyes widen as you clench again. "Uhm. Now, if you want it."
He grins a little lazy, eyes swimming with adoration.
"I do," He hums, laying back as you get up from where you've been laying. "Come over here and let me touch you properly then."
"Is that what you really want?"
You climb ontop of him, bare naked almost as your hoodie falls back down over your torse. Togame slides the fabric up and gives you a meaningful look.
"More than anything,"
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So I'm reading for an art history class, and Baudrillard is talking about the trends in colour usage from generation to generation (mostly in interior design, but there's definite spillover into fashion, architecture, etc.), and how every new colour movement is a direct rebellion against the previous one, like how the bright colours of the 60s/70s were a direct response to the austerity and seriousness of the WWII/postwar era, and how a shift back to organized, moralistic neutrals were a direct rejection of 60s/70s gaudiness, etc., and that all makes sense, people find their parent's style tacky, sure
But he goes on to observe how we've now been stuck in a lull of pasty tones and naturalistic finishes for some time, and I'm thinking yes, he's so right, but that's weird, because its been hanging around for so long, like what is it rebelling against anymore? What is it answering to? Well all I had to do was be patient because lo and behold, Baudrillard provides the following sentence, which caused me to completely wig out:
"...except of course, for the spheres of advertising and commerce, where colour's power to corrupt enjoys full rein"
And I'm like ooohhhhHHHHHH, so this colourless minimalist wasteland of a design principle:
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Is maybe hanging on so stubbornly because this corporate hellscape:
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is assaulting all of our eyes, inside and outside of our homes, every waking second, and is tainting the very concept of colour into something we can't relax around in our living spaces.
EDIT: The reading was The System of Objects by Jean Baudrillard, 1996 Ed., Part A, Section II, Subheading "Atmospheric Values: Colour" (p. 30-36 in my copy). Even if this was a passionate spur-of-the-moment post, omitting this was pretty silly; my bad.
EDIT 2: I was trying to be chill and leave this one alone, cuz I know most people in the notes are talking to themselves and their followers and not actually me, but 11,000 notes in it's starting to get to me - yes, I am aware that decreased homeownerhship/increased renting/landlord specials/hyperfocus on resale values, are all very direct causes of this too. I totally agree. For me, those were the obvious answers; I think we all get why the owning class is serving this to us. My epiphany moment was about understanding the flip side, the psychology of the consumers who keep accepting it, and even seem to enjoy it. That's what I couldn't understand before, but now I suddenly do. (And for those of you saying such people don't exist, no one actually wants to live without colour - check the notes, bb, they're everywhere. Not everyone has the same brain as you. We all deal with the horrors of capitalism differently.)
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lackadaisycats · 2 months
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sorry if it’s a stupid question!! but how do you go about making your characters personalities? they’re all really compelling and relatable and i was wondering how authors and artists like you are able to create depth to characters and if you’d have any advice for how to make them seem more real!
I don't really have a step-by-step process for this. Mostly I just spend inordinate amounts of time ruminating about them. Here's some things that might be useful, though - - Borrow from real people you know. (But maybe don't tell those people you've done that, because things can get weird...) - Borrow tidbits from historical figures, or other fictional characters who've been of interest to you. Don't copy someone else's ideas directly, of course...but remember it is actually completely natural and necessary to be inspired by multitudes of things if you mean to create something of your own. - Figure out where your character came from, even if you never reveal that information in canon. Create a backstory. So much of a character's specifics will come from their upbringing, the type of environment they were raised in, the types of people they were surrounded by, the value system they were taught to uphold, their early triumphs and traumas. - Play free-association games. Make lists of what words, colors, sounds, smells, places, shapes, flowers, animals, or iconography you associate with the character. Think about objects they might have in their pockets, or what that they might hang on their walls or stuff into a drawer. Meditations like this can lead you to think about the character from different angles. - Make music playlists. Collect songs that sort of remind you of a particular character. Play it on a loop and get lost in those thoughts and feelings. - If a thought strikes you, write it down - make note of it. Then keep writing if thoughts keep coming. (I often sketch the character in tandem with this sort of exercise.)
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