#(i really should just go to her play shouldn't i? i just... can't be arsed with the time it takes to get back from battersea)

[stopthefeeling]

I love Twelve so much, he's everything

[valdomarx]

struck by fucking lightning

Five times Roy and Jamie kiss by accident (and one time it's on purpose)

Jamie is a touchy person, that much is obvious. He's always hanging off Sam or bumping shoulders with Colin, ruffling Dani's hair when he plays well. Roy watches with cool amusement as Jamie sits with or on or over half the team, splayed out like a particularly tactile octopus.

So it shouldn't really come as a surprise when Jamie scores a banger of a goal during a match against Southampton and runs past the coaches' box in celebration. He rushes over to Roy, grabs his face in both hands, and plants a kiss fully on his mouth.

The other coaches snort with laughter, and Roy swats at Jamie and rolls his eyes.

That's just the kind of thing you should expect when you have Jamie Tartt for a teammate.

-

"I told you to take it easy with those presses," Roy tuts as Jamie sits up on the bench and rubs at his shoulders.

Jamie flashes him a sheepish grin. "You know I gotta keep up all of this hotness though," he says, gesturing at himself.

Roy sighs. "Idiot," he sighs, walking behind Jamie so he can massage out his traps, digging his knuckles into the knots of muscle.

Jamie makes appreciative noises as he works, and Roy takes the opportunity to lecture him about balancing his training properly. By the time he's done, Jamie's shoulders are loose and relaxed.

"Cheers, coach." Jamie takes his hand and, of all the things, drops a kiss onto his knuckles. "You're always looking after me."

-

Roy walks into work on match day with three cups of coffee, as per usual. He finds Keeley and Jamie, heads close together, deep in conversation about the merits of various brands of hair conditioner.

"Morning, Keeley." He hands her a coffee and gives her a kiss on the cheek, which makes her smile. It's a nice feeling.

"Morning, Jamie." He hands a coffee to Jamie as well and, without thinking, leans over to kiss him on the cheek too.

Roy freezes as he pulls back, eyes wide as he realises what he's done, but Jamie just beams at him.

"Thanks, Roy," he says, and goes back to talking to Keeley, who is hiding a grin behind her coffee.

-

Roy rings Jamie's doorbell at 4am for training and when Jamie first throws the door open, he's bright-eyed and raring to go. But then he looks at Roy and a frown creases his brow.

"Mate, what's wrong?"

Roy intends to lie and say he's fine, but instead what comes out is, "Keeley dumped me."

"Aww, shit."

Jamie refuses to run that morning and hustles Roy inside instead, sitting him down on the sofa and making him a mug of unbearably sweet tea.

"You'll be alright," Jamie says, flopping next to him and putting an arm around his shoulders. He squeezes Roy tight and presses a kiss to his temple. "It'll be okay."

It's actually kind of comforting, even if the tea is terrible.

-

The next time doesn't even count, not really. They're both drunk off their arses and high on victory, celebrating a win against Tottenham in some grotty club. The music is loud, the shots are plentiful, and the rest of the team are off somewhere in the thrumming darkness.

"Oh! I love this song!" Jamie perks up as a heavy beat pounds over the speakers. "We gotta dance!"

It's a terrible upbeat house track but Jamie is so excited that Roy finds he can't refuse, so he lets Jamie pull him to his feet and lead him to the dance floor.

For a skilled athlete, Jamie dances like an idiot, but it's kind of endearing. He looks good like this: disheveled, happy, free. Roy puts his hands on Jamie's hips as they dance and thinks about Amsterdam, about Jamie teaching him to ride a bike and to embrace something new.

Jamie loops his arms around Roy's neck and presses their foreheads together, and they've done this before too. But it seems like a lifetime ago that they were scrapping in the locker room. They're both different people now.

Maybe it's the nostalgia, or all the shots, or the dark warm cocoon of the club, but then Roy does something stupid. He leans in and brushes their lips together. Just a touch, easily deniable. An invitation.

Jamie has never been cursed with indecision though, so Roy feels his fingers flexing at the back of his neck before he pulls him in to kiss him properly.

They make out on the dance floor like teenagers, sloppy and inelegant and with an undercurrent of desperation, until Isaac and Colin come bustling over to drag them to the corner where the rest of the team is partying.

It doesn't count, obviously. But Roy finds himself thinking about it all the same.

-

The next Monday morning Roy hauls himself out of bed ready to head to Jamie's for early training. But when he opens his door he finds Jamie there waiting for him, the first pink of the sunrise streaking softly through his hair.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Jamie chews a fingernail. "I've been thinking, right."

"Never a good sign."

"Shut up, I'm tryna be nice here."

Roy cocks an eyebrow. This should be good.

"Cause, like, I've been trying to be better. Not at football, obviously, I'm still the best at that. But at everything else. Looking out for the team and that. Being accountable."

Roy nods. He knows that, of course, and Jamie is braver than he is to be able to talk about this shit out loud.

"And the thing is, the better I am to other people, the happier it makes me. Wild, innit? But when I put love out there, I get a whole lot more back. It's a fucking deal."

"That it fucking is," Roy agrees. Ted would be so proud.

"And it made me think, right, about what made me change. About who was there. It was Keeley, for sure, she put in a lot of groundwork that I didn't appreciate at the time. And it was Ted, with his endlessly chipper Yankee thing that gets into your brain somehow. And it was the team, who really are top lads."

Roy wonders if Jamie might be dying. Or moving to another club?

"But most of all, it was you." Jamie flashes him a bashful smile. Roy's heart stammers for a second. "You saw something worthwhile in me, and you dug it out. I like who I am because of you, and I wanted to tell you that." Jamie's eyes flick down and he scuffs the toe of his trainer against the brickwork. "I'm yours, right? You know that."

The blood is rushing in Roy's ears. He didn't know that, actually. He had no fucking clue.

"You absolute fucking prick." Roy's voice comes out rough.

Jamie's eyes flick back up to him, wavering and anxious.

"You come here and give me that speech at half three in the goddamn morning and expect me to be coherent about it? Christ, I can barely string together a sentence about my feelings at the best of times, and here you are laying all this shit out."

"Right, sorry, yeah." Jamie has shrunk into himself, and he turns to leave. "I'll go."

Roy darts out of the house in his socks to grab Jamie's shoulder. "No, fuck, I'm getting this all wrong." He spins Jamie back around to face him. He dredges up his courage. "What I mean is, I've been happier in the last year than I have in my entire fucking life, including when I was winning cups for Chelsea. I finally learned it's the people around you that are more important than winning. The people that make you more than you are. And it's you! It's fucking you."

Jamie is blinking at him with those big, wide eyes of his. Roy's hands sit on each of his shoulders, holding him in place.

"You're the highlight of my day, Jamie fucking Tartt. I'm yours too."

"Oh." The smile that blooms over Jamie's face is brighter than the rising sun. "Oh."

Puddles of last night's rainwater are soaking Roy's feet but he hardly notices, especially when Jamie looks up at him from under his lashes, chewing at his lip. Roy stares at the movement of his lips, captivated.

"So can we. Can I. Uhh." Jamie blushes, then laughs. "Fuck it," he says, and surges forward to kiss Roy.

Being kissed by Jamie is quite the experience, especially now he's not holding anything back. Jamie's hands are running over Roy's back and his hair is tickling against his forehead and Jamie is kissing him like he might drown without it.

Roy feels unstable himself, and he's glad he's still holding on when they break apart for air. He's unsteady on his feet but Jamie holds him up and he can't stop smiling.

Ahh, Roy thinks, with sudden clarity, and there it is.

Struck by fucking lightning.

[the-offside-rule]

Mason Mount (Chelsea) - Late

Requested? No

Warnings: none, just fluff

Mason walked about the house picking up his training stuff. His boots, his jumper, his muscle massager, the usual. He was trying to get everything done early so there was less room for error. The day before, he'd forgotten most of his stuff which of course got him a telling off from the various coaches throughout the day. He didn't want to put them through the hassle of finding spare stuff for him again so he got up extra early and made up his training bag.

Y/n was upstairs just waking up. She frowned as she didn't feel the usual weight beside her and turned to investigate, seeing just a curve of where her boyfriend was laying. She flicked the covers off and went downstairs, deciding to go to the wash room first to put the laundry in the dryer because let's all be honest here, Mason probably "forgot". She put put through one by one. T-shirt, hoodie, hoodie, jeans, t-shirt. The last thing were a pair of dark blue shorts of which belonged to Mason. When he came home yesterday, he simply kicked them off and left them on the floor of the bedroom so, being a nice girlfriend, Y/n decided to have them washed for him. To her surprise, she saw her boyfriend pacing around frantically searching for something. "Mase? You okay?" She asked, catching Mason off guard. "Oh good morning, darling. I didn't wake you, did I?" Y/n shook her head and folded her arms watching as he continued on looking for something. "What are you looking for?" She was now walking towards him. "My shorts. I can't find them anywhere." He replied. "Would shorts not be in your drawer?"

"I looked there first. Can't find any." Her face turned into one of confusion. "Are these shorts a dark blue?" Mason nodded. "Yeah, do you know where they are?" He said, the sound of hope in his voice evident. "Yeah, you threw them on the bedroom floor yesterday after training so I threw them in the wash." Mason covered his face with his hands and slowly stepped towards her and hugged her. "You're an angel but I really needed them." He whined. "Shouldn't have left them on the ground then." She scoffed, coming out of his grasp and leaving to get a tea. "What's that supposed to mean?" Mason followed her into the kitchen. "I mean don't just throw shit about. I will more than likely move it." She replied, opening the fridge. "Why should you move it?" He asked. "Why should I live in a pigsty?" She grabbed a spoon and began eating some yoghurt. "I'm just saying, since I now also live here, you have to think about throwing just at your arse."

"Yeah but I was obviously gonna move them." He protested. "Then why did you only start to look for them now?" He couldn't find a reply to her question. "I don't have time for this. I'm just gonna go pack my bag and try hair dry the shorts. If they're not dry, they're not dry." He stormed off. "I already have them in it! We have a dryer you know!" She muttered. "I don't know how to use it!" He whined. "Mason!" He chuckled at her reaction. "Only joking! Don't get your knickers in a twist." He winked and off he went to finish packing his bag. As Y/n began to eat her yoghurt, an idea sprang to mind. What if she hid the shorts? As Mason slowly but surely made his way up the stairs, Y/n tip toed toward the stairs and up to the wash room. She opened the door and walked towards the dryer. She took out the shorts. They were still warm from the dryer. She then slowly made her way to the hall only ro be stopped by a confused looking Mason, holding a Chelsea duffle bag. "Oh you got them." Mason sauntered up to his girlfriend to try reach for them, only to find her taking steps back. Confused, he looked at her. "What are you playing at?" He asked gently. A wild grin appeared on her face. "Catch me if you can." And so, she took off in a sprint down the stairs. "Baby, I havent got the time for this! I'm gonna be late again!"

For the next hour, Mason ran about looking for Y/n and more importantly his shorts. If he didn't find them, he'd have to wear his joggers and in the heatwave that England was in, he really didn't want to do that. Y/n was outside for a good twenty minutes, just peeping in through the window to giggle every so often, knowing fine rightly Mason wouldn't check outside. Mainly because she opened and closed the door so quietly, he probably didn't notice. However, she got bored. Kind of a big mistake. She knocked on the window and before she could duck down, Mason was looking at her. "Oi! Get back here now!" He called, sprinting towards the front door. This gave Y/n only a matter of seconds to run before Mason would be after her. He was much quicker admittedly so she had to think quick. Oh where to hide, where to hide. Bingo. She quickly ran around the back and opened the back door, locking it behind her and then running back upstairs to Mason's gaming room. She quickly scavenged around the shelves and drawers to find a place but nothing, nowhere would be a good enough hiding place. This only lasted a matter of minutes though.

Just as she thought she found the perfect place, she felt a pair of hands grip her waist. "No!" She giggled as Mason grabbed hold on the shorts. "I found you, now give them here!" Mason laughed back. Both tugged at the pair of shorts until they both heard a small rip. They both stopped, staring at eachother blankly. "That better not have been my shorts." Mason mumbled. Y/n let go and took off again, an innocent smile set upon her lips. "Nah, you're in for it now!" Mason began running after her throughout the house. It was as if Tom and Jerry came to life. The laughs could be heard all over the house. They echoed and bounced off every wall. It was like a core memory in the making.

Y/n found herself cornered back in the bedroom. She had no place to run. She turned and felt a heavy body engulf her and drop to the bed. Mason tickled Y/n's sides and peppered her in kisses, giving close to no room for breathing. She laughed, kissing him back as she tried to stop him tickling her. "Mason!" She squealed, erupting in giggles. "Say sorry! I have to go get new shorts now!" She couldn't even speak. She was so overcome with laughing. Eventually, he stopped amd just lay beside her. The laughing died down and they lay in eachother's arms, taking eachother's features in. "You're so angelic." He whispered, caressing her soft cheek. Y/n smile softened. "As much as I'd love for us to continue this, you said you had training to get to." Mason whined. "You have me all to yourself when you get back. Come on." Mason groaned as he sat up. He trudged toward the door. "Mase?" His head didn't bother turning back. "You have me all to yourself after training." He didn't need to see her to know how she meant it and she didn't need to see him to know he had a stupid boyish grin on his face. "Hurry on back, won't you?" She asked. "Oh you know I will."

[helloalycia]

a bitch [one] // leigh shaw

summary: you're used to leigh's constant mood swings and unpredictability, but didn't expect she'd ever do something to hurt you like she did.

warning/s: cheating

author's note: an angsty leigh shaw imagine was requested, so here we are! there's one more part to this so enjoy 😊

part two | masterlist | wattpad

Leigh Shaw could be a very unpredictable woman.

Ever since the unfortunate death of her husband, Matt, she'd become very erratic. It was hard to remember what she was like before he died, but then she'd flash me a smile and say something adorable and I remembered. Other times though, she could be as explosive as they came. If you ever got swept up in her mood swings, you'd be screwed.

Despite this, I remained by her side. That's what best friends did. Even when she yelled at me or gave me the cold shoulder or treated me like dirt, I stayed because I knew that was what she needed.

One time, a few months after Matt's death, I was stopping by to see how she was. A prime example of the cold effect she could have on people.

I raised my hand to knock, but the door suddenly swung open, revealing a peeved Jules and a pissed Leigh further behind her in the hallway.

"Hey," I greeted her sister with a smile, but she moved past me moodily. I glanced at Leigh before catching Jules' arm, stopping her. "What happened?"

Jules smiled bitterly. "You know, you should reconsider where you put your care, Y/N. Some people just aren't worth it."

At that last part, she glared over my shoulder, no doubt at Leigh. I turned to look at Leigh, who merely stuck a middle finger up at her sister before storming towards to the kitchen.

"What a bitch," Jules mumbled, making me wince because it was such a horrible word.

Jules shook me off before marching to her car to leave. I sighed and turned around to let myself in to their house. Closing the door behind me, I followed after Leigh and found her making toast in the kitchen angrily.

"Hey," I began softly, not wanting to give her another reason to get pissed off. Sitting on a stool at the island, I asked, "What happened?"

She forced a smile as she grabbed her toast from the toaster and dropped it on a plate. "My sister can't respect my space is all."

I pursed my lips awkwardly, watching as she grabbed butter from the fridge. Noticing my silence, she glanced up at me through her eyelashes.

"What?" she deadpanned, pausing from her actions.

"I don't think Jules is trying to upset you," I began, knowing I'd probably regret it. "I'm sure she understands you want space, but she loves you. And when you see someone you love hurting, you feel like you have to do something."

A sour smile broke out on her face as she scoffed. "Wow. Could you have your head stuck any further up Jules' arse?"

"Leigh, that's not what I'm–"

"What the hell are you even doing here?" she snapped. "I didn't invite you, Y/N."

Tensing my jaw, I refrained from getting annoyed. "Believe it or not, I actually wanted to check on you."

She curled her lips into a frown. "Well, I'm fine."

As if to prove that she was, she continued to butter her toast, but when she set her knife down, it slipped off the edge of the table and clattered to the floor. Frustrated, she slammed a fist on the countertop.

"It's okay, I'll–"

"Just get out," she cut me off when I was making a move to help her. I paused, wondering if she meant it, then her deadly green glare settled on my face. "Leave."

Sighing with defeat, I nodded and wordlessly left.

—

Sometimes Leigh wouldn't apologise. She'd act like nothing had happened and we'd move on. Other times, she actually would, surprisingly recognising that she'd done something wrong.

There was this one time when I'd invited her over for the evening to eat dinner and watch some films. The dinner went perfectly fine – we talked, we laughed, we spent time together – but then when we settled in the living room to watch a film, things started to unravel.

I can't remember exactly what she'd said. One second we were choosing a film on Netflix, then she was trying to make plans with me on the weekend. Unfortunately, I already had plans with my girlfriend, Alex, and Leigh didn't seem to like this. She'd made a comment under her breath and though I don't remember it specifically, I knew it wasn't polite.

Before I knew it, we were screaming at each other, arguing over the dumbest things. It started off being about my girlfriend and then the most unrelated stuff was being brought up on both of our ends. Sometimes she could be so aggravating, managing to rile me up and bring the worst out in me. The argument lasted a few minutes before she left, leaving me seething and full of hurt.

It was the following day at work when she came to see me next. I owned a café a few doors down from her mother's dance studio and was working a shift when her sister came through the front door.

I smiled at her when she approached the counter dressed in gym gear, her usual getup when at work with her family.

"Hey, how're you doing, Jules?" I asked.

"I'm good," she greeted with a smile, before it faded. "Just a warning, Y/N, Leigh is incoming in one minute. She wants to apologise."

Eyes rolling with mild annoyance, I let out a sigh. As dreadful as our spat was last night, I knew I had to also apologise to her. I'd said some hurtful things that made me feel all icky inside. Going to sleep after a fight was never a nice feeling.

"I don't know how you've put up with her for this long," Jules commented, picking up a cupcake from the display. "She can be so horrible to you."

I frowned, not feeling comfortable talking badly of Leigh behind her back. "That's not fair, Jules. You know what she's going through."

Jules gave me a knowing look. "I do, but that doesn't give her a free pass to treat you like she does."

Shrugging, I busied myself with cleaning up the crumbs from Jules' cupcake and giving her a plate.

"I take it you're going to forgive her then," she stated, though she definitely knew the answer judging from her expression.

"We both said some things we shouldn't have," I tried to explain so it didn't seem like I was giving in so easily, which deep down, I definitely knew I was, but Leigh was worth it.

Jules chuckled. "Yep, you're forgiving her. Looks like it's Leigh's lucky day."

I didn't say anything as she picked up the plate, ready to take a seat at one of the tables. Just as she was about to leave, she paused thoughtfully.

"You know, if you didn't have a girlfriend already, I'd say you were whipped," she said casually.

Ignoring her words, I watched her take her a seat on one of the spare tables. She made jokes like that a lot, but the truth was that I would probably do anything for Leigh. We'd been best friends since university – that was way too long to simply throw away our friendship because she was going through a tough time. And yes, the girlfriend talk threw me off at times... by the time I'd realised I liked Leigh as more than a friend, she was engaged. And I got over it, but Jules continued with the jokes and I continued to dismiss it.

As Jules warned, Leigh entered the café and caught my eyes with a nervous smile. I returned it, just as nervous as she looked, before watching her approach the counter. She was dressed in gym gear, like her sister, but a fine layer of sweat coated her skin which made me think she may have just finished teaching a class.

"Hey," she said with a rare gentleness to her voice. Her hands rested on the counter, fumbling slightly, before she put them by her sides instead. "How are you?"

Uncomfortably, I played with a loose thread on my apron. "I've been better, not gonna lie."

She exhaled regretfully. "I want to apologise, Y/N. Last night... it wasn't fair what I did. Just snapping at you like that."

I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet and avoided her eyes.

"I just get so angry sometimes," she admitted, noticing I wouldn't speak. She sounded exhausted and I looked up to see her running a hand through her hair. "I can't explain it. My anger at you wasn't about Alex or the plans, it was just me."

"It's because you're still hurting," I told her what I'd observed, shoulders relaxing. "And you're not very good at expressing that."

She shook her head, eyes drifting to the till distractedly. "I should be because I keep hurting the people I love."

My heart ached at the devastation in her voice and I put my hand out, motioning for her to take it. Thankfully, she did and I squeezed hers gently.

"Look, let's just forget it happened," I said with a small smile. "I... I didn't exactly say the nicest of things either."

She grimaced, letting go of my hand. "No, I get why you said it. It wasn't fair of me to just start on you like that. You were just defending your girlfriend... God, I can be such a bitch sometimes."

I winced at the word, it grating my ears. "That's not true, Leigh."

"It is." She nodded slowly, rolling her eyes. "Everybody thinks it. Including you."

"I don't think that," I said with creased brows, meeting her saddened eyes. "You're not a bitch. I've never once thought that."

"Really?" She raised a brow, smiling with defeat. "Not even that time when I stole your doughnuts after that fight we had two weeks ago?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"Not even when I snapped at you for no reason the other day when you tried to help me write my article?"

"Not even then."

Her expression softened with guilt. "Not even when I called you a selfish jerk last night for not wanting to spend time with me even though you have a life of your own?"

I rounded the counter and stopped before her, looking between her guilt-ridden eyes. "Especially not then, Leigh."

She breathed out quietly and I pulled her in for a hug, glad when I felt her relax beneath me. Her arms clasped around my waist and I was glad we were good again.

—

It was a year later when Leigh and I eventually got together as a couple. It was a long time after I broke up with my girlfriend and it was completely unexpected.

I'd invited Leigh to be my 'date' to my mum's birthday party, since the two had gotten on so well in the past. She was happy to oblige, but as soon as we arrived, her mood changed.

I was helping collect the pizzas from the delivery guy when he started to flirt with me. At the time, I didn't even realise, but I knew that Leigh had acted different since it happened. When I finally confronted her about her sudden mood swing, she proceeded to make out with me completely unexpectedly and then admitted she was in love with me.

I'm not gonna lie, it was a good time. Since breaking up with my girlfriend, I'd been single and falling for my best friend all over again. Leigh making the first move was all I'd needed to finally share how I felt, too.

That was six months ago, and since then, we'd been going strong. Of course, there were still times when she had her mood swings and took it out on me (and literally everyone else) without realising, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I was used to it, used to her. So much that I should have trusted her even when presented with conflicting evidence.

We were at her workplace, Basically News, where she wrote columns part-time. It was a work party she'd been invited to and she'd asked me to be her date, which of course I said yes to. At the moment, we may or may not have been a little tipsy as we stood in the corner, drinking from flutes of champagne.

"Thank you again for coming here tonight as my date," Leigh said with a grin, arms laced around my neck as she held me close.

Pressing a kiss to my lips briefly, she pulled away and left my head spinning, and not just because of the alcohol.

"Any excuse to not be on the closing shift at work is good enough for me," I said playfully, resting my hands behind her waist.

She gasped. "Oh? So it wasn't me who persuaded you to come tonight?"

I pulled a face, feigning forgetfulness. "Hmm, I'm not too sure. Maybe you'll have to remind me why I agreed to come."

She bit her lip to contain her grin, eyes flickering to my lips. Leaning in, her lips met mine and I closed my eyes, enjoying the way she combed her hand through my hair and tilted my head towards her so she could get better access. She was a really good kisser and she knew the effect she had on me as I felt her smirk into it, catching her breath, before chasing down my lips and nibbling on them temptingly.

Remembering where we were, I gently pushed her back and tried to contain my smile. "Make it PG, Leigh. You're at work."

She licked her lips and began to laugh, green eyes darting between mine. "You're just so cute."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "I don't want everyone here knowing how irresistible you are or they might try to steal you away."

Her laughter filled the air, making my stomach flip at the sound.

"Though I think they may already know that because of how sexy you look tonight," I added, eyes fluttering down her body to appreciate just how well she pulled off her fitted black dress.

She raised her brows with surprise, making me mirror her expression comically.

Leaning close to my ear, she said above a whisper, "D'you wanna know something not-so-sexy?"

Her breath tickled my ear and sent shivers down my spine, making me tense up slightly. Judging from the expression on her face, she was very much aware of what she was doing to me.

"What?" I asked with amusement.

"I really need to pee," she said, and I began to laugh because she did, too, and I knew she wasn't kidding. Pressing a kiss to my cheek, she added, "I'll be right back."

Letting go of me, she waved goodbye before going to the toilets. I busied myself with getting to know her colleagues whilst I waited, until five minutes had passed and I realised she still hadn't returned. Deciding to check on her, I headed in the direction of the toilets, only to freeze when I saw something I definitely wasn't expecting.

Leigh was kissing another girl outside of them.

It was her colleague, Abby, that was the first thing I noticed. But I didn't stay to make out anything more as I immediately turned around and walked away, trying to make my brain catch up to what I'd just seen.

Leigh was kissing somebody else. Somebody that wasn't me. Somebody who I had always suspected had a thing for her, but I never considered that maybe Leigh had a thing for her, too.

Definitely not tipsy anymore, I found the nearest table and took a seat, trying not to assume the worst. But how else could I perceive what I'd just seen? It could have been a mistake, though I was so shocked and hurt and angry that I couldn't imagine how. Maybe she'd explain herself to me. Or maybe she'd tell me what actually happened. Maybe.

Leigh returned not long after, finding me at the table. Smiling like nothing had happened, she pulled me up and led me to dance. Not once, for the remainder of the evening, did she suggest that anything was out of the ordinary, nor did she explain herself. And I couldn't help but wonder how I had the worst luck with women.

This one hurt way more than the last time because it wasn't just anyone – it was Leigh.

—

A year and a half ago:

"Danny mentioned the breakdown you had last week because they didn't have doughnuts, so I, er, brought you these just in case."

Leigh cracked a small smile in the passenger's seat before accepting the box I held out to her. I'd just parked up outside the place where she went to her grief counselling group, having offered to drop her off. It had only been a few months since Matt died, but sometimes, the old Leigh shone back through and it made me feel hopeful that she'd make it through this.

"Thank you," she said genuinely, fingers wavering on top of the box, before she lifted her gaze to meet mine. "And thanks for the ride. You didn't have to."

I shrugged, thumb tapping the steering wheel mindlessly. "I don't mind. I just wanna make sure you get here okay."

She sighed, shaking her head, though a ghost of a smile was on her lips.

"Text me when you're done and I'll be happy to pick you up, too," I added casually.

"Thanks," she repeated, though didn't make a move to leave my car just yet. I didn't rush her.

Sadly, the silence was broken when my phone began to ring and my girlfriend's name flashed on the screen in my car where my phone was connected to. Glancing at Leigh, I just about made out the eye-roll she did.

"Sorry," I apologised, before declining the call instantly.

"Why d'you do that? Could've been urgent," she said with a clipped tone.

Oh, no, I thought. Whenever she used that tone, it meant she was picking a fight.

"I'm here with you," I said like it was obvious, hoping that one thing didn't ruin the moment.

She tensed her jaw, looking down as her hair fell around her face. "Whatever."

Before I could think of a way to make her feel better, the screen lit up again and my ringtone echoed through the car. I winced at the glare Leigh sent to the screen. If looks could kill, my car would be toast.

Declining the call, I looked to her worriedly. "What's wrong, Leigh?"

Her glare fell to me. "Why the hell do you keep declining it? She's calling you for a reason."

I raised my eyebrows. "Because I'm here with you? Alex can wait. I'm taking you to grief group."

"Well, I'm here at grief group," she mocked, turning to face me with an unexplainable frustration.

I didn't understand why she was so touchy all of a sudden. The car ride here, she'd been fine. Just a moment ago, she'd been fine. But now... now she was acting unreasonable.

My phone buzzed in my pocket suddenly, followed by a tone that signalled I had a text. Leigh smiled bitterly, rolling her eyes.

"Let me guess," she muttered. "It's her."

Still very much unable to keep up with her mood swings, I didn't answer. Her gaze snapped to mine as she stared at me with disbelief.

"Why the fuck aren't you checking it?!"

I grimaced, my own exasperation slipping out when I blurted, "I'm a little confused to what you want from me right now, Leigh!" Breathing out slowly, I said, "I'm sorry if this is bothering you. I'll turn off my phone next time."

As if I'd deeply offended her, she raised a brow incredulously. "Are you kidding me? Why would this bother me?"

Okay, I was extremely confused now.

"I don't know," I admitted, bewildered.

"Is that what you think of me? Some clingy bitch who won't let you live your life?"

I widened my eyes. "What?! Leigh! I never said–"

"Sorry if taking me is such a task," she said abruptly, moving to put the box of doughnuts on the dashboard.

"I never said that," I told her sternly.

"You didn't have to. I know already. I'm just a burden on everyone."

She got out of the car and slammed the door shut behind her. Meanwhile, my confusion was still trying to make out what the hell just happened.

"Don't bother picking me up," she said through the open window of the passenger's door. A scowl was on her face as she added, "You should go spend time with Alex. She's probably missing you."

Breathing out, I leaned back into my seat and watched her walk away and to the entrance of the building. When she acted like this – so push and pull with her emotions – I was so conflicted. What could possibly be going on in her mind that she managed to flip everything that just happened? A complete 180?

Knowing she'd just need some time to cool off, I shook my head and focused on leaving. But then I remembered my phone went off and pulled it out to see what was so important. Aside from two missed calls from Alex, I saw I had a voicemail, too, not a text.

Grumbling fo myself, still disgruntled by Leigh's attitude, I raised the phone to my ear to have a listen, whilst hoping it wasn't actually anything life-threatening.

At first, all I could hear was some very faint laughing and vague noises, kind of like material rubbing together and breathing. I assumed Alex had left me a voicemail without even realising since I'd done that countless of times to other people, having dropped my phone in my bag without realising it was still on. But then the noises became more distinct and I made out words.

"Jake, stop messing about," a voice said, whom I instantly recognised as my girlfriend.

I furrowed my brows. Jake? Jake as in the guy she worked with Jake?

"If you stop teasing me then maybe I will," a gravelly yet devious voice responded.

My throat went dry when I heard more laughter before it went quiet. It didn't take a genius to understand what was happening, especially when the moans that followed echoed in my ear, begging me not to forget.

Unable to listen anymore, I hung up and threw my phone onto the passenger's seat. Tears welled in my eyes as I glanced over at it hesitantly, almost wishing it hadn't even existed. And as much as I didn't want to accept the glaring fact, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

She was cheating on me.

[dreamifics]

James Potter x Reader

Oneshot

Warning:just angst and sad fluff ig

A letter for James Fleamont Potter

Dear James Potter,

Hey, what's up? That's a lousy letter starter after years of pretending you guys didn't exist.. This would be a rollercoaster of emotions, so try to keep up. Remember when we first met? You were in Ollivanders, buying a wand when you accidentaly almost killed me?

A little girl was walking pass a shop called Ollivanders, she was simply minding her own business when a ray of magic blast to her.. She fell on her butt first, her hair was a mess, she looked like she got burnt..

"Oh, dear godric!I'm very sorry!" A little boy about the same age as the girl came running out of the store.. He had a messy hair and thick glasses, he gave the girl an apologetic smile..

"What in the bloody hell are you doing?!" The girl was mad, who wouldn't? She was just simply having a great day when an idiot almost killed her..

"Buying wands?" He answered unsure. He was just shopping for wands when this very powerful surge made him lose control and it blast to her.

"I look like a mess, Mother would be infuriated..", The girl mumbles to herself as she stands up.. She huffs and glare at the boy.

"I'm James, by the way.."

"I'm Y---"

"Y/N L/N!!WHAT HAPPEND TO YOU?!" Her mother's voice boomed all throughout the alley causing some wizards to look at them..

"Goodbye, you bloody idiot.." Y/N mutters to herself.

"I heard that!"

"You were supposed to hear that!"

And that was the start of our friendship.. You little dim wit, but I'm thankful for that, because I got to meet you.. Did you know that I was not very fond of you? You just wore me down, you're a persistent arse.. But now, it all made sense to me..

What my gut was telling me about you.. You were-- no no, you're still my downfall, James.. I clearly remember when it all daunt to me, the how and why? I'm still unsure about the answer to those two questions. I'm guessing you know what I'm talking about, if you don't... I'll say it or write it now..

I'm hopelessly fucking in love with you, I realized that when you went and announced your relationship with Lily.. There was this painfully hurtful jealousy in my heart and brain.. And I couldn't get rid of those stupid feelings for you..

It was another dreary Sunday in Hogwarts, Y/N was with the Marauders except for James, they were eating at the great hall.. They were talking, teasing and annoying each other when James entered with Lily in his arms.. That image broke Y/N to thousands of little pieces, she suddenly became one with the universe.

"She finally said yes, mates!" James announced causing all of the students to cheer and screamed, obviously happy.

To Y/N, the news broke her.. She was fine with James crushing to Lily because she though Lily was not interested.. But after years of pining and persuasion, she finally said yes. Y/N should've seen it coming, she should be happy for them but why is she hurting?

"Aren't you happy for us, Y/N?"

Y/N was called back from her thoughts, the question echoed through her mind.. Oh dear Godric, she was not happy.. She wanted to be the one under James arms, or to be the one to kiss him in the lips.. She love James, not like platonic, this was so much more.. She wanted to be Lily so bad, ofcourse she's not bloody happy!

"Of course, I am!Congratulations, Prongs!"

But what could she do? Y/N would have lost that battle years ago, she was not James type.. What could she do but just pretend that she was happy and fine with them.. She was dead sure that she'll forget all about James someday.. So until that day comes, she needs to fake a smile and accept her fate.

Loving your bestfriend is the worst thing in the world, James.. I wanted to confess so bad, but the idea of losing you was a heavy baggage to carry.. So, I settled by just being your friend but you don't know how many times I've wanted to confess..

To go up to you and smashed my lips into yours but you were in a relationship with Lily, so I never did anything.. You were happy, and that was enough for me.. And don't get me wrong, I tried to find someone else but you were the best James..

It has been weeks since James and Lily got together, no one knew how she felt.. She was all alone, fighting her feelings from overcoming her. Y/N was sitting in the library, reading a muggle book called 'Wuthering Heights'..

However she hated it, she was bitter and had no time for lovey dovey books.. Y/N needed to move on, she shouldn't be stuck on James..

"Hey, Y/N!"

Y/N was startled by a Hufflepuff student, she smiled and laughed..

"I'm sorry if I startled you, I--I just have a question to ask you.."

Y/N squint her eyes, she doesn't even know this guy.. She rattled her brain for any recollection of this guy..The guy saw her confused face and chuckled.

"I'm Oliver Rigby, the captain of the Hufflepuff quidditch team.."

"Ohhh, yeah.." She just murmured but she had no idea who this guy is.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

Y/N was taken aback but she needed to move on, she can no longer be hung up on a guy that doesn't even loves her back.

"Sure.."

"Alright!I'll pick you up then!"

Y/N just smiled and walked away, she was reluctant to moved on.. Her heart was still beating for James, but she needs to move on.. For her own sake.

They were nothing compared to you, I tried to moved on.. But I always ended up to you, the same feelings always came rushing in when I see you.. Every guy seems horrible when compared to you.. The short period of time we spent together was wonderful, you gave me purpose when no one else did.

Y/N has just come back from a very horrible date, the guy did nothing but talk and brag about himself.. He was not like James who was funny and talks about entertaining stories.. The guy was not sweet nor kind, he was a bit of an ass.. That's the only thing he had in common with James, she sighs and sat in one of the sofa in the common room..

No one can beat James to Y/N, her standards were bloody high because of James.. She wanted to cry but that was stupid.. Crying over a guy who didn't even hurt her, she hates herself.

"Hey."

Y/N heart skipped a beat, she knows who's voice is that.. That voice gives her butterflies, she loves how that voice says her name..

"James.."

"Thought you had a date?Why are you back so early?" He questioned.

"O-Ohh.."

"Did he stood you up? I reckon he'd do that, he looked like a douche to me."

"Sure.." She answered not looking at him, James sits next to her and put her arms around Y/N.. She felt her body stiffen as his body made contact with her.. Y/N silently prayed that James wouldn't notice her increasing heartbeat, the stiffening of her body and the way her cheeks blush..

"Are you alright?" James seems to notice his bestfriend all red and she looked like very uncomfortable..

"What if I said no, what would you do?"

"Make you feel better, ofcourse!" His laughs echoed through the whole Gryffindor tower.. Y/N let out a dry laugh, she didn't mean that.. But her heart was breaking into thousands of pieces, she want this feeling out of her system.

"Are you really alright?"

"Yeah, maybe.."

"Want to talk---"

"Jameees!" Lily's voice called the attention of the messy-haired boy..

"I'll be right back, Lily needs me.."

"B-But what about me?" Y/N tried her very best to not choke up and crack.

"Later, Y/N.." James messed her hair, she didn't meant to be demanding however this was the sign she was looking for.. The sign that James doesn't feel anything special for her, she was just James very annoying friend..Y/N realized that with one call, Lily has James wrapped around her perfect fingers, with only one call from Lily, James was gone.. He just left her hurting friend for Lily, Y/N suddenly felt her heart was no longer there..

It was bruised and beated so many times, and now.. Y/N chest is nothing but a vacant lot, an empty hollow space.. The tiny little hope that maybe James likes her back can no longer be found.

That hope was now gone.

Y/N had reached her limit, it was truly over.. The love and jealousy she feels was a heavy baggage to carry. Y/N needed to avoid James, just until she was fully okay..

Y/N knew deep inside her that her love for James will never fully go away..

Avoiding you was the only reasonable thing to do, to be frank.. It was the only thing to do.. If I kept up that silly facade, I would ended up being mental.. You see James, jealousy is a monster that takes over your whole mind and body. It's a hideous monster you can't escape.. I do have a few questions, did you notice the not-so-subtle cold shoulder I gave you? Because back then it seems like you didn't, did you though? Did you cry every night like I did? Or did your heart break like mine did?

Y/N finally got out of her bed, she was in the great hall, hundreds of feet away from James.. But from the looks of it, he didn't really seem to mind.. He was too busy whispering sweet nothings to Lily's ear.

"If your glares could kill, Evans and Potter would be dead now.." Her friend intoned, she snapped her head away from the sight of James.

"I don't what your talking about.." Y/N denied..

"Of course, you don't.." Her friend tease.

"If my looks can kill, you will be the first one dead.." Y/N gave her friend a glare which her friends just brushed off.

"Blimey!No need to get mad, I was just stating facts.."

"Just sod off." Y/N just played with the food in her plate.

"If you told James about your feelings, he would've ask you out." Y/N's friend said in a teasing manner..

"No, he would never do that.."

"And how do you know that?" Y/n rolled her eyes at her friends question.

"Because I knew James, he was inlove with Lily since the start of our first year. "

"That's what you think.." Her friend crosses her arms and smirk at her.

"What?" She questioned confused.

"Nothing, idiot.. You won't understand.."

"O-kay?"

"Look Y/N, just move on.." Y/N scoffs at her friends genius idea.

"You make it sound like it's so bloody easy.."

"Is it not?You cry about it for a day then you find someone else.. " Y/N looked at her friend with a surprised gaze, is it that easy? How come it's so hard for her?

"See, easy.."

"Sod off.." She shut her friend down as thoughts occupied her mind..

Y/N was walking down the silent halls of Hogwarts alone, a frown in her face she hasn't been smiling this past few weeks.. Her back suddenly stood straight when the four familiar faces welcomed her when she entered an empty classroom.

"Oh, hello Y/N.." Sirius was the first to greet her with a big smile on his face but she didn't give the smile back.

"Y/N!I was wondering where you were these past few weeks.." Remus gave her a comforting smile.

"Yeah, I had no one to eat my sweets with!" Peter walked up to Y/N and offered her a chocolate which she didn't accept.

"I apologize, I have to go now.."

"But Y/N--" Peter didn't get to finish the sentence, she was gone, James didn't even look up from his seat.. Did he forgot all about Y/N? But Y/N didn't feel anything anymore.. Funny how numbness can have it's perks sometimes..

Maybe you didn't notice me because you were so inlove with pretty little Evans? That came out a little rude, I apologize for that, but I'm not sorry.. You see, I don't hate Lily, but then again kinda wish she were dead.. She was all you saw James, I was with you through your worst.. I gave you everything, but what do I get in return?

Just heartaches and neverending what-ifs.. You never saw me James.. Remember the day we graduated and left Hogwarts? You didn't even say goodbye to me, not even a single glance James.. I was not the only one who gave up on our friendship.. We both did, James..

Riding the Hogwarts train one last time was a bittersweet moment for others.. To Y/N, it was a relief.. She would finally get to leave the place that reminds her of James, every corner and walls was embedded with memories of Y/N and James having fun with each other.. It may sound nice but it only brought misery to her.

"Y/N!We're getting off now.." Y/N's friend broke her silent trance.. Y/N stands up and exits the train, her feet hit the platform floor, Y/N took a deep breath and wander her eyes to the sea of graduate  students. Some were celebrating, some were crying and there Y/N saw him..

James had Lily under his arms as they talk with the rest of the Marauders.. Disappointment was written all over Y/N's face, this was the last day they would be able to see each other and James didn't even glance at her.. They were friends for years, she couldn't belive that their friendship was beyond repair..

"Quit staring at him, your looking pathetic." Y/N whispers under her breath, walking away without saying goodbye was not how she planned her last day in Hogwarts. Y/N was moving to America and will work in the Ministry of Magic there.. She does not want to work in the same place that James and Lily was going to work at..

Y/N needs to really move on, and America would be the place for it.. Atleast there, she's far away from any reminders of James or Lily.. Holding her trunk, she walks away from her old life.. No more heartaches, just miserable thoughts and lots of what ifs.

Moving here didn't even help, I'm still inlove with you.. You might be confused about why I'm just sending this letter to you now.. Well Mister Potter, I just got an invitation to your wedding and I'm very very drunk right now.. I didn't think you would really send me an invitation because you know were just strangers.. We spent years ignoring each other and now this bloody envelope shows up at my home..

How did you even knew my address? Were you keeping tabs on me? If that's the case then I'm very flattered and also a little bit creeped out but that's not the point! The point is, I'm not going to your wedding because I'm still fucking inlove with you.. I hope you enjoy the wedding though, also don't bother writing back.. I would never remember this anyway, so James.. Give Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease.

Sincerely,

Y/N L/N

If you guys have any request for imagines about ( marvel characters, DC characters, stranger things, game of thrones, brooklyn 99, friends, basically anything! I accept everything!)

[theangrypokemaniac]

Since no one cares about Alola I can therefore say what I want.

Team Rocket's Pokémon are all worthless toss. That's such a surprise from this oafish writing team.

Remember when Jessie and James had two each, to offer variety? Permitting them even that is too much focus nowadays.

We don't what anything interesting going on, thank you. Repetition is what we and they deserve.

Arbok, Weezing, Lickitung and Victreebel are spinning in their graves.

Stufful was missing for three years and she displayed not the slightest pang of concern until its belated invention. Given her temper she ought to have torn the island apart searching for her baby, but no.

Not bothered about Bewear. It shouldn't really be in this list as it didn't belong to them, although catching has no value anymore.

A bit thick are we? Or conforming to the usual parental standards?

Well, she's sufficiently neglectful that she let it out of her sight long enough for it to be crushed under a tree, then was too idle to come to the rescue. In consequence he was obliged to wait days until one of Lusamine's lackeys arrived.

She's 'Mama Bear' though, isn't she?

It's based on a red panda, is partly the colour of a black bear and as strong as a grizzly, but all that is a mere cover for its true nature as a Bear-Face Ham.

The modern pretence is that everyone's a vegetarian (are they balls), and Ursa Major lives on fruit, not, you know, flesh.

Just because it there's no hibernating in the tropics doesn't mean it can get by without a salmon now and again.

The name is stupid, since a red panda is not a bear. A play on words isn't clever if based on what it isn't.

They should've called her 'Pandamonia', or 'Pandour', which is a brutal soldier.

It is at least redeemed by battering the klepto cockroach into the next dimension. Good on 'er.

Mind you, this is Alola, a cesspit of incest, so it's probably some sick arrangement, like Bewear being slipped the length by that previously unmentioned Oakie-Dokie clone.

He's the spit of Jimmy Savile, thus every depravity is on the table.

Where's Stufful's dad? He buggered off too?

What kind of name is 'Stufful'? What's it made from, 'stifle' and 'suffocation'? 'Stuffed'?

Thanks for that. Whenever I see its ovine face I'm reminded of taxidermy.

Were Ursa Minor and Bewear described as mother and son, or were they 'friends'?

A series of games involving breeding and the 'anime' is too squeamish to even imply animals live in families.

I don't care either way for Stufful, but I'd like it better if its mouth wasn't a camel toe.

I understand it's a sea creature, and the contents of the oceans are their own brand of peculiarity, but looks like a limbless, undead spaniel plagued with extra teats. Its 'ears' resemble distended mammeries.

Hey, remember that interesting, original Pokémon James had called Victreebel? Let's do it again! And again! AND AGAIN!

Victreebel is a venus fly trap: an anomaly in nature as a carnivorous plant. It makes sense that the Pokémon version would be a bit more full-on in catching a meal.

New law: Team Rocket are required to collect monsters as ugly as themselves.

Hurting James was its personality quirk, particularly to it, fitting its nature, its 'thing'. It was never meant as a template for most of what he caught in the future.

Something is funny if it happens once, and can be now and again if done with a least a little flair.

Nothing repeated as a constant leaden thud is remotely amusing, but this is an unknown fact to Nintendo bone heads. They think certain events are utterly hilarious in themselves and require no finesse in application.

They have a checklist of moments obligatory to each episode, which explains the plodding lifelessness. Tick 'em off to keep the fans from being ticked off. All we supposedly care about is each gong struck, not how we got there.

At least Victreebel used to vary its behaviour:

Occasionally it even did as told without any chomping preamble.

It didn't do the exact same action every single time it was involved!

Mostly it swallowed James.

How long was it once Victreebel was chucked out on its leafy arse before Cacnea arrived?

Oh look, it's a Grass Pokémon and attacks James!

Sometimes it ate Jessie.

Carnivine got in on the action before Cacnea's run was even up: kick 'em when they're down why don't yer?

Oh look, it's a Grass Pokémon and attacks James!

Now we have Mareanie. Wasn't there a few in between? No, shush, they don't exist anymore.

Every bloody time it came out, it turned round and punctured him.

Every bloody time.

Ah, it's not a Grass Pokémon. That makes it totally new!

Oh yes, it's the complete opposite of Victreebel. It's Poison instead. Not like it at all.

Every bloody time it came out, it'd gnaw his head off.

Every bloody time.

That's endearing.

Oh but it is! It's just showing him love!

As that makes it alright!

If a muscular man squeezed his girlfriend so tightly he cracked her ribs, is that 'sweet' because he 'meant well' but his feelings overwhelmed him? Or is it A.B.H.?

Every bloody time it comes out, it injects James's head with toxin until it swells up into purple pustule of disease.

Every bloody time.

I never took Victreebel's assault as affection. To me they were real attempts to devour James, especially with the accompanying frenzied screech. Interpreting that as a positive emotion is bizarre to me.

At soon as James found it wedged in a Breeding Centre cage and opened the door it grabbed him, which appeared to be Victreebel lashing out in anger for what'd happened in the intervening period.

What Mareanie does is worse than the other three put together. At least they delivered mere bite marks or pinpricks, but it infects James!

Whole episodes of this programme have involved a Pokémon falling foul of Poison Powder and being on the verge of death, with all done to preserve it until Ash hunted down the cure, but now it's a big laugh, apparently.

Not one character ever has the wits about them to carry an Antidote, otherwise the writers wouldn't be able to fall back on the tired old race-against-time scenario, which is no such thing as we know they won't die.

Is it likely that James is always going to end up picking a violent Pokémon, of all the individuals of a race, of all the lifeforms in the universe?

Aren't his allowed to come with their own personality, or is there a set pattern they must follow, and when caught they absorb it, for fear they might be memorable?

Mind you, it's interesting the reactions these abuses provoke:

Victreebel eats James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Cacnea impales James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Carnivine chews James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Mareanie poisons James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Meowth claws James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Jessie beats James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Jessibelle whips James: EEVUL BITCH!!!

Mimikyu should be opposed for breaking it's own world.

To us, Pikachu is the most famous Pokémon, belonging to Ash, the protagonist, and the franchise's mascot.

To them, Pikachu is just another middling Pokémon hundreds of young Trainers catch, and holds no greater value.

It's blatantly a reference to Pikachu's real-life status, acknowledging itself as fiction. No Pokémon would hold the same significance for this design to work but him.

Otherwise why would Mimikyu, when it has the choice of every Pokémon that exists, and, if meant to be a believable world, every Pokémon we don't know exists, choose Pikachu to ape? Why wouldn't it pick a Legendary?

Alola Pikachu is looking off colour.

It's not even this specific Mimikyu, it's the entire species!

What, they work to a hive mind, incapable of individual tastes and opinions?

Do they all hate Pikachu too, even though the entire mouse population of Alola has been rounded up by that loon and trapped in a valley, or were we lumbered with the lone demented obsessive with a severe complex?

Is it well jel that Pikachu's a real one, whereas it can only manage to knock up a bog-standard costume with a face daubed by a chimp paralytic from scrumpy?

Well stop imitating it then! Invent your own design!

Oh come on. The animators can't even do that, hence its creation. You can hardly expect it to display inspiration if born from its absence.

I wonder if it hates Raichu. And Pichu. And Plusle and Minun. And the rest of the Pikachu derivatives, although it is one.

(As an aside, I don't know why Raichu, Marowak and Exeggutor were redrawn for this era, but not Pikachu, Cubone and Exeggcute. Why does the sweaty climate affect only evolutions?) 

Here's an idea: make Shiny Mimikyu have a different get up, not colour.

You can have that free, Game Freak. I'm too lenient with yer.

Presumably, Mimikyu hatches (already dead?) in all its eye-bleeding nastiness, and instinctively reaches for the discarded yellow bedsheet and pack of crayons that just so happens to be nearby, and the scissors to make the peep holes.

Them inbreds know how to litter.

Flippers?

Nah, it's probably hooks.

How is it born aware of a Pikachu's face, and why is it compelled to copy them?

Knowledge of his own ugliness is innate, thus he must cover his nakedness before it lays waste to the forest inhabitants.

Yet if you breed 'em, it emerges wearing it, like the cloth formed from left-over albumen and stained with yolk!

What's it reaching with? Paws?

Mittens?

Oh, and there was a deceased specimen in the series, so it's either a ghost, and nothing but bedsheet, or a zombie, and it's repulsive carcass has upped the ante by putrifying.

Even its name doesn't fit. Apart from the unsightly spelling, what's 'Mimikyu' about? It's not mimicking me.

Mimikyu? It should be Mimikchu!

And you know what? Even Nintendo agree their own inventions aren't good enough, because they made return almost impossible.

They hate these more than they do even the pre-Unova Pokémon, most of whom were condemned to a dark existence within the iron corridors of H.Q. and haven't been seen since.

• Growlie is such a beloved figure in James's life he's been involved all of twice.

• Dustox got pensioned off.

• James was practically bullied into gifting Cacnea to that cloying bitch Gardenia.

• Whilst he still tecnically owns Chimecho, it's as lost to him as any of them.

Remember Seviper, Yanmega, Carnivine and Mime Junior?

Hell, remember Woobat, Yamask, Frillish and Amoonguss?

Or Gourgeist and Inkay?

Of course, since the makers appear to have the Reverse-Midas Touch, Team Rocket still took that useless, wincing lump Wobbuffet to Galar instead of dumping it over the sea. Apparently we're stuck with it forever.

Arbok, Lickitung, Weezing and Victreebel got shafted, but THAT survives?

Yes? That's more the writers do. In current canon these Pokémon never lived at all. Dead memories in the haze.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ronnie

Ali: [The day of but later] Ali: I convinced that man not to press charges or anything, the one that got involved Ali: so you don't need to worry about that Ronnie: wasnt Ronnie: tell someone who is Ali: 'course Ali: talking isn't the most useful thing for me to do right now so I'll pass Ronnie: go be useful then little girl Ali: I'm sorry he brought you Ali: that's fucked up Ronnie: course you are Ronnie: youre all well sorry now like Ali: For you, not myself, or ourselves Ronnie: no shit pity works with the rest of your brothers and sisters Ronnie: youre fucked up Ali: How so? Ronnie: show and tells over Ali: I hope it made you feel better Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: none of you give a fuck how I feel Ali: yeah I do Ronnie: wheres it been Ali: you're meant to wait for the kid to make the first move, that's rule #1 Ronnie: if you wanna play by the rules Ali: so I've lost points, that's fine Ali: you don't want us to care, right? Ronnie: the way your family is im almost old enough to be your ma Ronnie: bit fucking late yeah Ali: You do have a solid decade on her, yeah Ali: I'm a late bloomer, clearly Ronnie: ill leave it to her to be proud Ali: a big ask, but I'll survive without Ronnie: like I said Ronnie: fucked Ali: Yeah, a fair bit Ali: nothing to shout about, or that hasn't been now Ronnie: you wanted a first move Ali: It was a choice Ronnie: nah Ronnie: a reaction Ali: That too Ali: like I said, hope it was what you needed it to be? Ronnie: ask him Ali: you just did it for Joe? Ronnie: why else Ronnie: none of you mean shit to me Ali: but he does, yeah Ronnie: connect the dots Ronnie: I bothered to carve each one out Ali: I can tell he loves you Ali: do you love him Ronnie: hes that fucking soft Ali: you do Ali: alright, that's something Ronnie: fuck you youve known him all your life and you dont Ronnie: theres no telling me how I feel Ali: I don't know him or I don't love him? Ronnie: have it both ways Ronnie: he tells it either way Ali: I probably don't know him now Ali: I'll allow that Ali: that's how he wants it so you don't have to defend him like I'm saying I do Ali: or that I'll force it, when he's been so clear Ronnie: hes the last person I can be arsed to defend Ronnie: but no shit he gets everything he wants Ali: What were you after Ali: we disown him Ali: or strongarm him into rehab and therapy Ronnie: yeah Ive got everything crossed for sobriety Ronnie: fucks sake Ali: disowning then, he's done it to us Ali: it won't happen the other way 'round, sorry to say Ronnie: give him your fucking sorry Ronnie: he was the one begging me to ruin it all Ali: close enough that he should still be happy Ali: I'm not sorry for him Ali: I already said, he shouldn't have used you like that Ronnie: thats what happens theres no fucking 💘 and 🥀 Ali: no one deserves that Ronnie: I am no one Ali: You aren't Ali: don't have to be Ronnie: people like their junkies part time or useful or repentant Ronnie: fuck that Ali: that's not your whole gig Ronnie: you don't know shit Ronnie: youre not under my skin or in my head Ali: I know enough to know that's bullshit Ali: if anyone was just their addictions and vices, you wouldn't need them Ronnie: yeah youre the smart one Ronnie: he told me Ali: He's the one at the fancy arts school Ali: how does he reconcile that with being the junkie one Ronnie: youre 16 theres no uni thatd take you yet Ronnie: happy birthday for whenever the fuck it was Ali: Thanks Ali: about a month ago Ali: extend the invite next time Ronnie: dont Ronnie: I wont show Ali: you haven't heard how great my parties are yet Ronnie: I aint a childrens entertainer Ali: be cool if you were Ali: have a heart attack when you showed up Ronnie: next time I need a few quid ill try and remember Ronnie: make you proud of me Ali: probably leave that to Joe, and your friends and fam Ali: but I know how to make balloon animals so hmu Ronnie: course you do Ronnie: youre the target market for hippy crack Ali: awh Ali: how true Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: how long you been in the youngest ones adhd meds Ali: not really my thing Ali: need to calm my brain, not stimulate it harder Ronnie: 💔 Ali: how'd you know about that Ali: doesn't seem like the sort of pillowtalk he'd be about Ronnie: i was in care i know what an kid with adhd looks like Ronnie: and theyve tried to diagnose me as everything but a west little bastard Ali: he's shit scared right now Ronnie: be fucked if he werent Ali: yeah Ali: he doesn't really know Joe Ali: was like 4 when he went to Uni so Ali: proper boogeyman shit Ronnie: mckenna will love that Ronnie: real boner for the misery Ali: someone should get something out of it Ali: he can pay for his therapy later Ali: more meds, whatever Ronnie: ill tell him to put in his will Ali: try not to die Ronnie: itd be the ultimate misery boner Ronnie: why should he stop getting what he wants now Ali: yeah, you do love him Ali: but hate him too Ronnie: 💘🥀 Ali: Is he worth it? Ronnie: youre describing freckles and the princess you know that yeah Ronnie: me and her dont share every dysfunction Ali: Nah, they don't hate each other Ali: loads of other stuff, people Ali: very them vs everyone Ronnie: she hates that she needs him Ronnie: that he makes her soft Ronnie: close enough Ali: You reckon? Ali: Hmm Ronnie: first rule of tortured kids club Ali: it's why she loves him too Ali: you'd understand if her sister had been there Ali: she's got no one to make her soft, I tried but Ronnie: gutted she werent there then Ali: you wouldn't like her any more than she'd like you Ali: it'd be fitting, but no fun Ronnie: thats the fun Ronnie: I hate you all Ali: I see the appeal Ronnie: have a go Ronnie: hate me Ali: I see your appeal Ali: why would I hate you? Ali: Fraze does and he's having the least fun of all Ronnie: you see what you fucking wanna Ronnie: youd have to know me to know if I had any appeal Ali: Then I'm a spoilt hippy brat, as you like it Ali: you'd have to do worse for me to hate you Ali: not my MO Ronnie: not wasting another flight on it Ronnie: kill your own ma Ali: then I'm good for it Ali: sorry again Ali: you did what you set out to do, making me 💔 wasn't part of it Ronnie: stop fucking apologising Ali: it offends you? Ronnie: I did what mckenna cant do for his fucking self being a useless pussy from cradle to grave Ronnie: he is under my skin and in my veins like it or not Ali: yeah, and my apology is worth a damn when you've got problems that big Ali: alright, I won't say it no more Ronnie: if it was for me Id have done it at 10 14 fucking 18 even Ali: 'course, you got fucked over at birth Ali: no other straws needed Ali: his is more of a slowburn of bullshit Ronnie: yeah Ali: I don't know what he's told you, or how much you care about it Ali: but they've always been like it, Fraze too Ali: we have no idea and they went through so much more Ali: but Joe's only got 5 on me, so that says all you really need to know Ronnie: thats lads for you Ronnie: cant handle any pain unless they glorify it Ali: or co-opt it Ali: if you don't wanna be like them, tell him to get his own Ronnie: Im not like them thats why he likes me Ronnie: it aint my winning smile Ronnie: helps that I look like you and your ma course hes that sick Ali: He's hated them both ever since Bea came around, then when we moved her, like it was for her Ali: he's spoilt, like you said Ali: but I really think he is sick, too Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: were both sick Ali: yeah Ali: maybe you'll wanna get help someday Ronnie: for what Ronnie: theres no happy ever after here Ali: to not be sick Ronnie: nice try little girl Ronnie: not gonna get cured Ali: yeah, well has to seem better than sick Ali: that's a big ask Ali: I can't imagine not getting to do the drugs I do, and that's everyone Ronnie: it's like being in a relationship yeah sometimes it makes you feel good sometimes it dont Ronnie: cant fix shit though Ronnie: the rots too deep and its already set in Ronnie: long before I took a hit Ali: That's medication for you Ronnie: thats pain for you Ali: Yeah Ronnie: if I cant cut it out Ill cut her out of me Ronnie: her face outta mine Ali: It's DNA Ali: everything and nothing Ronnie: if she's in my blood ill spill it all Ronnie: theres fuck all point keeping it on the inside Ali: It's a waste of you Ali: the you that ain't her Ronnie: I am the waste Ronnie: ive had enough kids scraped out of me it aint hard Ali: She believed in the happily ever after you don't Ali: more fool her Ronnie: she got it Ali: she wanted it with you Ronnie: bullshit Ali: She did, she loved your biological dad, basically as many years as she'd been about Ali: she didn't just not get an abortion because she was scared Ronnie: she wanted it with him then Ronnie: I was along for the ride til I got dumped out Ronnie: if she wanted me id fucking be there Ali: she could've tried Ali: yeah Ali: you would've got taken away though Ronnie: so what Ali: just that, she wasn't allowed to keep you, she was a 14 year old with no parent, they'd have separated you and put you into different care homes Ali: happened to her friend Ronnie: I was a 14 year old with no parents either Ronnie: and a 4 year old Ronnie: 4 months Ronnie: however the fuck far back you wanna go Ronnie: I still found ways to get shit that I wanted Ali: Yeah, I know Ali: you had enough to eat and a bed with a roof over your head Ali: you wouldn't have if you'd had her, if that was even possible, somehow Ronnie: no I fucking didnt Ronnie: not always Ali: if you were in a home Ali: more than a squat where no fucker pays the bills or gets groceries over smack, you know the situation Ronnie: I know it helps her sleep at night Ronnie: this story Ali: you don't have to add it to your narrative if it fucks with your peace Ali: ask Joe Ali: if he reckons he remembers everything back in Liverpool, he'll remember Ronnie: I dont need to ask him cos his story is that she blinked and her life was so fucking sorted that she pushed a shit ton more kids out Ronnie: where the fuck was I Ronnie: nowhere Ronnie: youre my fucking replacement is why Ali: she could've got you when she got Bea and Ro Ali: I don't know how old you were then, 13? Ali: they might've said she was sorted enough, maybe Ali: it was more, this girl has been abused and you're a friend she trusts who is willing to foster her so let's shove her at you and get her out, it wasn't happy families Ronnie: no need when theres already loads of shiny white kids to mother and 2 less shiny to play saviour too Ali: I could ask Ali: I was a toddler, and it wasn't my bedtime story too, believe it or nah Ronnie: luck of the irish Ali: I'll take 50% Ronnie: her sob story is as fucking useless to me as mckennas misery boners are Ali: 💔 Ali: very convincing performance in that case Ronnie: fuck you Ali: why Ronnie: if you have to ask youre not listening Ali: I meant the part where you necked on with him Ronnie: why not Ali: 'cos his boners are a letdown, obvs Ronnie: I dont need him to make me feel good Ronnie: and he fucking wishes he could do as good of a job as the shit that does Ali: thank God Ronnie: he wanted the shock factor thats me baby Ali: assumed that was his intention Ali: he stopped showing up as himself ages ago though, that was, not more shocking but impactful, let's say Ali: if he wasn't so obviously out of it, he might've known that we knew Ronnie: he wanted to stop showing up full stop Ronnie: til he gets shipped back in a ⚰ Ronnie: and reckoned thatd be the final nail for you all us fucking Ali: and us younger ones are dramatic, hilarious Ali: who doesn't want to get away from home? Ali: Tommy has been since he was 11, Bea went to Cambridge, Ro will too, Fraze only didn't because Bea told him he wasn't allowed to follow her Ali: I'm planning on Singapore, myself Ronnie: hes too pussy to handle being away from me Ronnie: or what I get like when he isnt in my fucking face Ronnie: that bit wasnt about you lot as much like Ali: it's how it goes Ali: that's why people get knocked up, get married, get fabulous careers, so you can have an excuse for why you can't make this weekend, will try to pop in for this event but end up just sending a card Ali: it's weird it's you, of course, you're both sick, duh, but look at it objectively Ali: it's your version of 2.4 kids and a dog Ronnie: he dont want me to slit my own throat or anyone elses but his more fool him Ronnie: cant knock me up or marry me thank christ Ronnie: I like that the dog is smack thats well poetic Ali: I'll have a go at writing it Ali: if you want a null and void illegal wedding too, I'll write those vows and all Ronnie: ill stick it in a song if you want better than happy birthday Ronnie: fuck that i belong to no one Ronnie: theres loads more fun illegal shit to do Ali: you write songs too? Ali: just don't let Joe play cello on it Ali: if depression had a 🎵 Ronnie: id lose money if i begged with him Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: looks pathetic enough but thats all Ali: very child actor vibes, or rockstar's kid Ali: you had it all and you pissed it all the wall Ali: not here's a couple of quid for a warm cup of coffee and a sarnie, no Ronnie: i can see his face hearing that Ronnie: id have to take a brick to it Ali: yeah, he probably hates me Ali: not as much as Fraze, didn't have the toddler clout to make us move to Dublin, bit rude Ronnie: you're in his way Ali: of what Ronnie: 💉 Ali: that's his hangup Ali: like I said, no one is forcing him to do shit here Ali: guilt's part and parcel of 💚 and 💉 ain't it Ronnie: youre not telling me shit I dont know Ronnie: hes the one shitting himself hes gonna get chucked in rehab Ronnie: nobodys coming to take me nowhere Ali: I get it Ali: she's shit at turning up Ali: tell her to work on it Ronnie: do what you want Ronnie: far as sisterly advice what ive got is dont ask me for a shot unless youre after a habit Ali: lecturing ain't my gig rn, she loves a bit of it so honestly no need when her 🧠 will be full of the 💔 Ali: cheers, I'll stick to the just saying no of it all Ronnie: get the money up front when you are gigging Ronnie: and take care of the kid when you aint Ali: I will, I do Ali: he's got a few years to grow before I'm going anywhere Ronnie: yeah Ali: and my wife might stay and they're best friends Ronnie: she was the one trying to rival us for most high Ali: ✌💚💉 Ali: it was a party before you walked in Ali: which I'm aware was very much the idea Ali: can I give you a tattoo I'm good Ronnie: go ahead Ronnie: not gonna be here long like Ali: where do you wanna meet, my rig is way portable Ronnie: [a place nearby wherever they are cos god knows but I doubt Joe wants to see Ali and she aint gonna tell him that's where she's going LOL] Ali: 👍 Ali: about 25 on my 🚲 Ronnie: reckon i can stay alive til then

[renee-writer]

The Contract Chapter 2 The Exam Continues

A bit NSFW

She focuses on listening to what his stomach is telling her. A table to lay him out on would make it easier. When, she is confident, she wins the contract, she will have one. Until, well making do is her motto.

His stomach sounds healthy. She moves the stethoscope up a bit and catches his pulse again. She frowns. It is pounding. Much higher then last time. She looks up.

"Alex, are you feeling okay?"

"I am fine. Why?"

"Your pulse is higher." She stands back up. "Okay, let's check your eyes, ears, and throat."

"Ye really are through."

"Yes. As much as I can be in an open space." He then recalls that he is surrounded by his employees and hers. He can't help asking what else she would check if they had privacy. He tells himself it is part of her evaluation of her, and it partly is.

"Well, how old are you Alex?" He gives her a strange look," Some exams and tests depend on age."

"Oh. I am thirty."

"No prostate exam then. I do recommend a yearly testicular exam though, for cancer. A full crown to feet exam for skin cancer." She says as she gets out the otoscope and prepares to check his ears.

"Sae, if we were alone, ye would have me naked and would touch my bullocks." He casually says and she almost drops the otoscope.

"Jesus H Roosevelt Christ," she mumbles. "No, I would do the exam with a RN present." She takes several deep breaths before inserting the tip in his ear and examing him. He is chuckling softly. "Be still please."

She finishes and grabs a tongue depresser. "Open up and say 'ahh." He does and she notes he still has his tonsils and they are healthy. Pulling it out, she breaks it and throws it away. "Eyes next." She tells him. He nods. She fears looking into the depths of his blue eyes.

"Buck up Beauchamp." She scolds herself. "He is just a patient. The fact he has your knickers in a knot is your issue not his."

She turns to him and shines the light into his eye. Optic nerve and cornea healthy. No sign of infection or glaucoma. She does the same with the other. Also healthy. Good. She lowers the light and goes to move away.

He reaches up and moves the hair that had fallen from her bun back behind her ear. She loses her breath at the trail of fire his touch leaves behind. "Ahh. You are very healthy Alex."

"That is good to know." She hears it in his voice also. Whatever was going on, it wasn't just her affected.

"Yes. I..."

"Will you come with me Claire? Ye can use a break and we have some fresh non-alcoholic cider. I can get ye some." She shouldn't. It was dangerous. Every nerve ending in her body was screaming that it was a very bad idea. But, she felt alive not just existing. So, she gets up, tells Geilles that she will be back in ten, and follows him out.

He leads her into the converted barn. The apple press is an old one but it makes the best cider. She breaths in the smell of hay, apples, and old leather. No one else is around.

"So, is this where you work, Alex?"

He smiles as he pours them each a cup. "I do a bit of everything around here." He hands her the cup, their hands touch, and time seems to stop. Every nerve in her body is alive, no longer screaming danger, they are now reminding her that she is a woman. She swallows hard and lifts the cup to her lips and takes a drink.

Her moan is involuntary. The cider tastes like Autumn, apples, bonfires, raked leaves, cool nights, sweaters, all in that first taste.

"Told ye."

"It is the best I have ever had."

"It is the auld press. Each apple is selected for it's firmness and sweetness." Her moves closer. Her back hits the barn wall behind her. "And, then we slowly press and grind all the sweet juices out of them." He takes the cup from her, placing it on the shelf beside her. "Christ Claire. I want to kiss ye sae bad."

She wets her lips. She should be pushing him away. She should be running back to the make-shift clinic. She should but...the truth is she wants this kiss too. So, she lifts herself up, against his body. "Kiss me Alex. Please."

He growls before placing his hands on her face and lowering his lips. He was lost from the first touch. Completely hers. She sighs as his tongue skims her lips. She opens with something akin to relief. This was meant to be. This kiss. Their tongues tangle as their lips move harder against each other. His hands leave her face and move down to her arse pressing her right against his erection. Her hands entangle in his soft curles. She can't recall when she has been more turned on. She forgets that she is Nurse Practitioner Claire Beauchamp, head of Lambert Medical Group. That she is here to win the contract to furnish medical care the Lallybroch Distillery. She is only aware of Alex and the feelings he is rousing in her body.

She rocks against him needly. He responds by pulling them apart enough to get a hand between them. He works the botton of her trousers and lowers the zipper. Slipping a hand in, he finds her soft, wet heat. She jerks at the feel of his hand. She knows, in some part of her lust-addled mind, that she needs to stop him. That it isn't right. They barely know each other. But, that voice is drowned out by the magic his fingers are working.

"Ohhh God. Oh Jesus," she pants against his chest. "Please. Oh please."

"Let go. I've ye." He whispers. She shudders before starting to ride his hand, way to needy to be shy. His huge thumb plays her clit. She pants against his shirt as she gets closer. He moves faster in responce to her answering movements.

"Ohhhhh yessss. God yessss!" She explodes against his hand with a full body shudder. She lays weakly against him as he removes his hand and rearranges her pants. Now that the intensity of her need has been satisfied, she feels shame. He senses the change in her.

"It is okay Claire." He says agianst the top of her head.

"I don't do this. Never have done this."

He lifts her head, gently kisses her. "Neither have I. There is something powerful between us."

"Yes..' Their conversation is intrupted be the breathless arrival of Mary, one of her nurses.

"Come quick Claire! Someone has fainted."

[procrastinating-story-writer]

Bonds that Bind Us

Chapter Two:

Summary:

Connecting with someone is not necessarily a bond with a significant other, or even a friend, but can be the indefinable - perhaps the rarest and most precious thing in life to find at all.

Donna Lynn Hope

Loki sat puzzled as he observed his 'overseer' as she paced the room she called the sitting area. After Omidah quickly took himself and Thor to his designated floor, she dismissed his brother, told him to get comfortable, pulled out some sort of talking device and ignored him ever since.

Next he couldn't wrap him mind around the fact she was being nice to him or why she didn't seem to be the slightest uncomfortable around his presence, and why she looked excited the first time she looked his way. It was confusing and it made him angry.

Omidah on the other hand was trying to get Fury off the phone as quickly as possible but it seemed that her efforts were futile. She could feel Loki's aura of boredom; this was not how she wanted to leave a first impression (which won't really matter to the royal trickster either way but its the thought that counts at least).

"Pennwinkle are you even listening to me?" She rolled her eyes "what else could I be doing since you just keep talking"

"Don't sass me woman, I can revoke your privileges and have you confined to the tower."

"Do that and I'll tell everyone what happened in Fiji."

"You wouldn't dare!

"Try me boss." She said in a sing song voice.

Fury started grumbling profanities under his breath. "Just keep me informed about your progress." Fury hung up.

Omidah moved the phone as the dial tone came on, watched the screen blankly and gave a small yet audible snarl. "Did that chili eating mother--ass just hang up on me!? I see. Alright Fury, we'll see who has more balls than the other."

Sticking the phone into her pocket, she turned her attention back to Loki. His facial expression was neutral but his eyes showed anger. Just great.

"I'm really sorry about that. My boss just doesn't know when to shut up."

Loki did not answer her. He got up, made his way to the shelves of books and picked out one, then returned to the couch. Omidah smiled at his choice 'William Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice' she loved that one.

"Are you hungry?" Silence

"Is there anything I can get you as you wallow in silence?" More silence.

"Have you always been so reticent? It will do you no good to just sit there and ignore me. I just want to help."

"Then don't mortal. You're very annoying."

"Is that the best insult you got? I already know I'm a mortal wise arse; you can do better than that your lordship. Come on throw another insult." Omidah's voice was dripping with sarcasm and a wide smile was on her face as she looked at Loki.

Loki on the other hand grew angry at her taunt and slammed the book shut.

"What's the matter God of Mischief, no come back? I must say this is a let down. Wuss."

Loki quickly walked towards the annoying female with murderous intent and grabbed her upper arms, lifting her off the ground.

"For the death of Odin, what is your problem you mewling quim!? Do you wish for me to destroy you? Do you have any idea who I am and what I can do to you?"

Omidah continued to smile as she looked into Loki's breathtaking blue-green eyes. Just being elevated at his eye level, she leaned in her face and planted a quick kiss on Loki's nose; giggling as she moved away.

All of Loki's anger vanished and replaced by utter confusion.

The look on Loki's face caused Omidah to burst into a fit of giggles. The sound spreading throughout the room, filling it and caused Loki's heart to do a weird flip but he quickly pushed it aside.

"I'm really sorry, I don't mean to be so happy but its just that, believe it or not, I've always wanted to do that if I ever got the change to meet you.

It's so good to finally say that I can scratch that off my bucket list; kiss the God of mischief on the nose." She said matter of factly.

Loki gave her that 'I-truly-believe-you're-really-dumb' kind of look.

"Now Loki are you hungry? I'm sure you haven't eaten a full course meal in quite some time and I'm happy to cook for you if you'd let me."

Loki just continued to watch the strange girl he was holding, trying to find something, anything, that would reveal if she was playing him for a fool; there was absolutely no way any sane person, who knows of his reputation would be happy to do anything with him. Alas, he could find nothing but pure glee in her hazel eyes.

"Come on Loki, as much as I enjoy looking into your eyes, I too am hungry. So, can you please put me down, lasagna is calling out to me."

Finally able to register her words, he slowly placed her down "What game are you playing mortal?"

Omidah arched a brow at his sudden question "I don't understand the question. If you're referring to why I'm not afraid of you, it's because I'm not."

"But you are aware of the things I've done or of the people I've killed on this pathetic planet, have you not?"

She could hear the irritation in his voice, whether it be from the realization that he is now on said planet he caused havoc or something else entirely, she wasn't sure.

"Yes, I'm fully aware of all that you've done and what you're capable of doing but I can't comprehend what that has to to with, why I can't be nice to you or simply talk to you." Sighing she crossed her arms and gave him her full attention.

"I want you to fully understand something. My world has people in it that has done a lot of bad things to good people, some still continue to do so. I work for an organization that kills those type of people and my hands are stained with the blood of a few.

"Everyone in this tower has killed someone, whether it's to save the lives of people, revenge, brashness and cockiness or in your case trying to concur this world. The reason you're labeled the 'bad guy' its because you chose to be all flashy about it; making yourself a spectacle, parading in front a crowd of people who recorded you and post it around the world and to put the cherry on top the ice cream Sunday, you went and brought an alien army through a large hole in the sky, attacking one of the largest cities in the world." Omidah let out a sigh.

"Look all I'm trying to say is, no one's a saint in this place, we all have our reasons for doing what we do. I just don't want you feel like you're the only screw up. The others may or may not be judgmental towards you and I know you won't give a dam but I want you to know that I'll be looking out for you, Okay?"

Loki snickered "I don't need a mere mortal to look out for me."

"Well you really don't have much of a choice. I'll be looking out for you whether you like it or not, plus you really shouldn't think little of us mortals, we can surprise you. Have you never heard the saying, don't underestimate your opponent? Now if you don't mind, please follow me so I can prepare dinner."

With that she turned on her heels and headed towards the elevator, which opened automatically for her.

Loki stepping in after her, each opposite the other.

"Good evening miss Penwinkle and Mr. Laufeyson, where can I take you."

Omidah smiled "J.A.R.V.I.S, good evening to you too and please call me Omidah, the formality is too much."

"If you wish miss."

"Thank you, will you please take us to the main lounge? I'm going to prepare dinner."

"I see. The others will be quite excited about dinner; would you like me to notify them the moment you've finished?"

"Sure that would be great, thank you."

At the end of the short conversation, they arrived at the desired floor.

"Your stop miss. Have a good evening."

Omidah chuckled realizing he's never going to address her by her first name.

"Thanks a lot JARVIS. Catch you later. Come on Loki, this is going to be so much fun."

Loki scoffed at her enthusiasm as they passed the seating area and headed into the large kitchen.

"I fail to see how cooking is fun. Its a maids' chore if you ask me."

Taking no offense, Omidah tied her hair with chopsticks and put on her apron.

"Just have a seat on the bar stool and here,"

Taking a book from behind her back, she placed it in-front for him. Loki realized it was the same book he took from the shelves earlier. How did she get it without him noticing?

"I've been told you love to read, so I organized for that library to be on your floor and while I prepare dinner this will help you pass the time."

Loki couldn't figure her out; She was strange. Then he saw her remove her footwear and placed them by the door of the kitchen; he was more puzzled.

Omidah saw his puzzled look as she returned back into the kitchen; she chuckled.

"This is something I do when I prepare meals; it warns everyone who walks into the lounge that I'm in the kitchen. I like cooking with no disturbances.....well unless I invite anyone. Now time to get to work."

"Why would you do something so trivial? It makes no sense."

She headed into the pantry and returned to the island, placing the ingredients onto it "as I stated earlier it's to warn the others. I started preparing dinner about two years ago because I strongly believe we here at the tower are a family and family should have home cooked meals."

Loki rolled his eyes and continued to read but still listened on

"So three months after I started cooking, Tony decided to be real jerk. I decided to make chocolate fondue and an assortment of treats in which you can dip into the chocolate; anyways Tony was drunk from the previous day, having thrown one of his extravagant parties. I turn my back for 10 minutes and when I returned Tony was face flat in the fondue, chocolate was splattered all over the kitchen walls, all the assortment s were gobbled down; it was a disaster."

Loki watched as she moved back and forth,

"Oh how wonderful it was to make him pay for wasting rich chocolate but that's a tale for another time"

Loki scoffed, "So do you have anything in particular you like to eat?" She asked.

Loki looked up from his book and watched as she mixed some contents in a bowl, while periodically blowing strands of hair from her face.

"None that you should concern yourself with,"

"Aww come on, I'm curious to know, so that way I can add your preferred dishes to the dinner menu."

Loki didn't like the feeling he was getting when she made that statement; she was showing an genuine interest in him and it felt weird. He decided not to respond to her and continued reading.

A comfortable silence fell between them and the only sound that emanated from the kitchen was the clanking of pots and pans. As some time passed, Loki would periodically glance at her from behind his book, making sure not to get caught.

"Here you go Loki" Omidah said while placing a small plate of chocolate chip cookies in front of him. Loki lowered his book and eyed the cookies with suspicion

"If you think they're poisoned, then think again. I like you, so i have no intentions of harming you in anyway."

Loki ignored what she said to try and subdue the feeling in his chest. He refused to take her words literally; no one cared about him and he had to keep reminding himself of that.

"How did you makes these so fast?"

Omidah smiled "we've been in here for well over an hour now. Dinner is almost done and I'm now preparing to clean up. Plus I tend to bake goodies first before doing the actual cooking."

Loki looked at the cookies and back at Omidah who already turned away to start cleaning up.

Cautiously he picked up one and bit into it. Loki suppressed a groan; he had never eaten a cookie that tasted so divine. The chocolate melted on his tongue, sending a tingling sensations to his taste buds. The texture was soft, fluffy-like but was still solid. It was one satisfying cookie.

Within a matter of minutes the entire plate was cleared and he let out a satisfying sigh. The sound of the timer was set off almost simultaneous and when he looked in Omidah's direction, she was removing dishes from the oven and quickly rushing to set the table.

He was surprised that she cooked so many dishes in such a short period of time. He wondered if they tasted as good as they looked and smelt.

"Hey Loki are you comfortable eating with the others around or would you like to go back to your floor?"

He scoffed "I refuse to dine with incompetent mortals."

Omidah puffed her cheeks like a little child and pouted.

"You're not fun Loki, I really wanted to see how well you work under pressure. Oh well, I'll prepare a plate for you in a few."

Before he could respond to her statement, Tony entered the kitchen with a glass of scotch.

"Hey river Nile, what's cooking good looking?"

"Tony Stark, what have I told you about coming into the kitchen when I'm cooking! Do you want a repeat of what happened the last time you were in here?"

Loki observed the two conversing and how sudden Tony became nervous; beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. Just what did she do to him to cause such a reaction?

"Ah-am I'll just be in the lounge. Sorry Omidah." With that Tony quickly walked out.

Loki continued to observe the young woman as she finished setting the table. He was still trying to figure her out. Being able to analyse someone and tell the type of person they are was a specialty of his but with her it was somewhat difficult.

"Jarvis can you let everyone know that dinner is ready. Thank you."

"Absolutely miss."

Omidah continued to move around the kitchen, ensuring that everything was in order. Tony decided to stick his head through the kitchen door.

"Hey, did I hear something about dinner? Don't mind if I do."

Omidah sighed 'He is a sucker for punishment.' "Sure Tony come on in. Have a seat and wait for the others. I'm going to fix a plate for Loki."

Tony chuckled "let me guess, Reindeer Games thinks we're beneath him and chooses to dine alone."

Loki shot Tony glare and boy if looks could kill, Tony would have dropped dead by the one Loki was giving him now.

Completely ignoring him, Tony moved to the bar and poured himself a drink

"So what's on tonight's menu Omidah?" She smiled

"Egyptian cuisine. Remember I promised everyone I'd try something new every few months...."

Tony nodded "well I decided to cook dishes from my distant home land. I hope you guys like it. Please ask the others to send me their feedback."

Tony looked at her perplexed "wait a minute, aren't you joining us tonight?"

She shook her head as she continued her task "not tonight tin can. I wish to keep Loki company before I start my training."

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew that the mission would cause them to see less of her now that she had to watchman Loki but he wasn't expecting it so soon; he didn't like it.

Omidah laughed at Tony's antics "oh stop being dramatic, sharing is caring. You guys had me all to yourselves for these past few years, now allow me to delegate my time to someone else.

And before you say anything else, I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere, just that you'll see less of me from time to time. So behave and exercise some patience."

Tony walked over to her and ruffled her hair "You're right, just a bit paranoid."

Omidah quickly hugged him "best cousin ever. Thanks tin can."

Removing herself from Tony's embrace she returned to her task. After packing enough food and what she believed would full the Asgardian, packaged everything in a bag.

"All done. Come on Loki we'll eat dinner on your floor. See you later Tony."

Loki watched as she bounced happily out the room before quietly following behind her.

Tony on the other hand was puzzled and quickly pulled out his phone to call the others. There were a few things that needed to be discussed.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: you left your headphones here, mate Jimmy: got 'em in my pocket if you wanna collect Jimmy: wouldn't subject you to Cass' interrogation tactics Jimmy: better off buying new, rich girl Janis: yeah, realized when I went to start this run Janis: already in Twix's bad books so can't have that, like Janis: drop in and get 'em in a few Jimmy: 💔 on the rocks already you two? Jimmy: gutted Jimmy: stay for breakfast if you want Janis: Are now, like Janis: How to explain with a look that you can't take her out 'cos you tryna be 🤐 tragic misunderstanding Janis: [pic of protein shake thing] 👍 Jimmy: did try & let her know my dad was in the mood to do you for dogknapping but Jimmy: she ain't the sharpest pup at the park Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Rude Janis: she got plenty of potential Jimmy: where? Janis: 🙄 Janis: she got as much as you in her right paw, like, don't be rude Jimmy: says you as you're then snide to me 👌 Jimmy: you know my smoothies are 💣 & so my future is set Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: gotta stand up for my girl ain't I Jimmy: 💪 Jimmy: who took her out? she best remember that 🥇 Janis: didn't know you cared 💕 Janis: can handle the competition okay Jimmy: nah, you'll be 💔 when she's only got 😍 for me Jimmy: especially 'cause I don't care, double blow 🎻 Janis: Scandalous Janis: hitting her up with the screenshots as we speak Jimmy: no secret, babe Jimmy: go on Janis: Poor bitch Janis: #youdeservebetterhun Jimmy: shoulda fought the law, Juliet Jimmy: reckon you'd have gotten pretty far with her before the take down Janis: Appreciate the faith Janis: but as I didn't even make it out the door without being #exposed Janis: idk Jimmy: Just by the 🐶 though? Janis: Nah, your Dad had to share how full of the joys he was this AM, like Jimmy: sorry Janis: ain't your fault Janis: and no big Jimmy: I invited you & he's my dad so as much as it can be, it is Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: just accept the apology Janis: alright Janis: might wanna tell him i'm not a prozzie though, just look like one Jimmy: did he say that? Janis: No, nah, 'course not Janis: just 👀s Jimmy: then don't be a dickhead Jimmy: he knows you're my girlfriend Janis: just joking Jimmy: funny Janis: gotta laugh Jimmy: nah Jimmy: join me in misery Janis: that bad? Jimmy: just joking Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: when you working 'til today Jimmy: 3 Jimmy: why? Janis: just working out when i can drop in to get my headphones Jimmy: I can give 'em to your sister Jimmy: she drops by at lunchtime like clockwork Janis: 😑 Janis: that would require talking to her Janis: for you and me Jimmy: I was reckoning more on a shove 'em at her & run Jimmy: gotta go on my break, soz gracie Janis: good 🍀 Janis: if she can read social cues at all she ignores them Jimmy: save me then, babe Jimmy: come yourself Janis: will do Janis: not lunchtime, obviously Janis: been summoned home anyway 🙄 Jimmy: you in the shit too? Jimmy: how #goals of us, Juliet Janis: truly Janis: it's only my dad, he ain't got no balls Jimmy: @ me in some shit to demonstrate our mutual pining like Jimmy: no way I'm allowed out until my dad's home at least Janis: figured Janis: least if you're effectively grounded no one waiting on that first date like Jimmy: he can't stop me taking the sibs & dog out but probably best if you don't show up too Janis: 👍 no problem Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: if you wanna keep it coupley, gonna have to be in work hours Janis: guess i got no excuse not to be there atm Janis: hmm Janis: i will show up at lunch, least we'll have a definite witness Janis: that'll keep 'em going Jimmy: they travel as a pack, we'll have 5 Jimmy: take some selfies, make a scene, go again. Easy, yeah? Janis: 🙄 such a fake bitch Jimmy: law of Leprechaun town Jimmy: got us in on it even Janis: least we're going for gold, what the fuck are you doing gracie Jimmy: least we know Mia's going for the throat Jimmy: god bless Janis: gonna have to go for yours Janis: don't take it personal Janis: no time for half-arsing it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: that's the #mood Jimmy: it'll piss my dad off too so sign me up Jimmy: more lasting you can make it, the better Janis: no amateur at either, babe Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I remember Janis: Yeah? Janis: told ya Jimmy: you tell me a lot of things, Judith Jimmy: so chatty you Janis: 🖕 Janis: be off then Jimmy: alright Jimmy: 'til lunch my love Janis: 💘 Janis: you know the deal, have something not shit waiting for me Jimmy: I'm already there, baby 💕 Janis: 😏 dickhead Jimmy: do you want food or you just gonna snack on me like you're channeling a mia move? Janis: she's not inspiration or goals Janis: can't have her reckoning that, ever Jimmy: #thinspo Janis: 😂 Janis: get me a bacon sarnie to fuck her off Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: nowt sexy bout that but I'll 😍 best I can Janis: how rude Janis: what you want me to order, like u got anything phallic on the menu lads Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: you'll have a straw with your smoothie, it's fine Janis: I've been forced to endure many a teeny romcom, it's fine Janis: know what to do, boy Jimmy: weren't doubting Jimmy: easy for you anyway, what am I gonna do? lick out a coffee lid suggestively? nah Janis: please do Janis: need a good laugh Jimmy: piss off Janis: still think you're cute, don't worry baby Jimmy: yeah I know Janis: shut up Jimmy: save it for when you can make me Jimmy: the audience will love that Janis: yeah expecting applause Jimmy: I'll take the hit when Mia throws her iced coffee Jimmy: workers comp Janis: Love that for her, if only you didn't take your coffee like a basic bitch, might have the desired effect Jimmy: only gonna make me look hotter, girl so tah Janis: who isn't about a wet t-shirt moment Jimmy: she helps me out loads for someone who reckons they're a #hater Janis: save your thanks for the acceptance speech Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: not gonna thank her the way lads usually do Janis: #notliketherest is it? 😏 Jimmy: #standardsunliketherest Janis: If you say so Janis: me being your 'girlfriend' probably has 'em doubting that Jimmy: I had said it, loads Jimmy: Start listening, girl Jimmy: might stop you chatting shit for a sec Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: I heard ya Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: the manager's here Jimmy: in a bit Janis: 👍 laters Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [After] Janis: [Headphone selfie] Tah Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [Selfie to show the general disheveled state of him after that glorious PDA] Jimmy: likewise Janis: 😳 Janis: worked though Jimmy: I didn't reckon Mia's voice could get this high Janis: Ha 😂 Janis: so pressed Jimmy: their debrief is the real show Jimmy: & you're missing it Janis: Gutted 💔 Janis: gimme the play by play Jimmy: nowt you ain't heard before I'm sure Jimmy: 🎻 & 🗡 Janis: usual then Janis: sure gracie will fill me in on how much of a bitch i am no worries 🙄 Jimmy: if she don't you didn't do enough Jimmy: you'll have to come back Janis: yeah? doubt that was her shout somehow 😏 Jimmy: let me know Janis: If you think I'm letting her dictate 'round 2 you got the wrong twin Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Yeah, be sure to tell her how gutted you are about that Janis: love to get it #confirmed Jimmy: you're alright Janis: can't say i didn't try Jimmy: nobody can Jimmy: not after that display Janis: too much? Jimmy: nah Jimmy: it was spot on Janis: 🥇 Janis: no need to come back then Jimmy: unless you wanna smack Mia Jimmy: I'd be down to see that Janis: Perv Janis: and 'course I do but her bones might legit crumble and I don't need to get sued by Daddy Jimmy: 💔 Janis: I know babe Jimmy: more gutted I can't accidentally dump this order on the lot of 'em anyway Janis: can't even be mad Janis: #thecouplethathatestogether Janis: I legit couldn't stick another second of them Jimmy: I know babe Jimmy: A lesser ego would think you were desperate to get away from me, but not this one Janis: Thank God you're you 💘 Janis: can't be dealing with stroking egos and destroying others in one Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Love you too Janis: when will your dad forgive you/me enough Janis: wanna see twix, like Jimmy: He doesn't get back til 6.30 Jimmy: usually later Janis: so, between the hours of 6.30-6.30, she's all mine? Janis: well, share with the kids, not a total heartless cow Jimmy: yeah Janis: good to know Jimmy: not gonna stand in the way of #truelove am I? Janis: try it Jimmy: ain't got the energy today, darling Janis: 😏 Janis: oh colour me surprised Jimmy: you shouldn't be Jimmy: you know how I slept Janis: i know Janis: he was alright though once you went in with him yeah Jimmy: after a bit Janis: 👍 good stuff Janis: consolation i didn't sleep all that good either Jimmy: like I said, join me in misery Jimmy: you should drink coffee Janis: why are you trying to ruin me Jimmy: says the girl trying to kill me by any means she can Janis: You asked for it Jimmy: 😱 Jimmy: # something relevant for me 'bout that Janis: not blaming or shaming Janis: but you can't fool me, babe Janis: #youwantit Jimmy: #busted Jimmy: 😍💕 Janis: didn't know you were arty Janis: btw Jimmy: why would you? Janis: idk, feel like i shoulda guessed Janis: #softboi Jimmy: piss off Janis: you're pretty good Jimmy: now really piss off Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 😑 Janis: 'scuse me Janis: giving you a compliment Jimmy: save it for when you can gimme one that matters Jimmy: just doing my bit Janis: Fussy Jimmy: what? Janis: My compliment not good enough 😜 Jimmy: gimme a better one then Jimmy: 'cause that's bollocks Jimmy: it's just a doodle not even that #goals Janis: can say my standards ain't high as yours then Janis: whatever, boy Jimmy: give & you take 💔 Janis: You're prettier than you've drawn yourself Janis: happy? Jimmy: you're prettier than I've drawn you Jimmy: shit artist Janis: ugh stop Janis: 🥊 Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: you first Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Cute Jimmy: tell me something I don't know, Jennifer Janis: Alright Janis: I wish I could come back Jimmy: why can't you? Janis: Lots of reasons Janis: they're still there, for one Jimmy: that's a point in the 'why you should' column Jimmy: don't leave me with 'em Janis: poor baby Janis: but I don't know if I can chill Jimmy: we don't chill Jimmy: so fine Janis: you gotta work Jimmy: I'm on the clock with you putting in those fake boyfriend hours Janis: but Jimmy: what? Janis: I want you Jimmy: then come back Janis: it's okay yeah Jimmy: we got interrupted last night, it's only fair we get to make up the time now Janis: it's so hard just kissing you and walking away now Jimmy: I'll be done here in a bit Jimmy: we can leave together Janis: alright Janis: they better not say shit, actually not in the mood Jimmy: I'll fake sick & you can meet me outside? Jimmy: hangover's believable Janis: where we gonna go? Jimmy: I don't know Janis: Come back to mine Jimmy: ain't there 100s of you? Janis: Yeah but rich bitch no Janis: there's places, don't worry Jimmy: alright Jimmy: but if we get interrupted again I'm fake dumping you Janis: we won't Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: where are you now? I can meet you there depending Janis: Gym Janis: had to distract myself somehow Jimmy: like I said, trying to kill ME constantly Jimmy: you're welcome for the headphones then Janis: Like I said, gotta make sure you feel it too Jimmy: you're wearing those clothes again, aren't you? Jimmy: I'll pass the news on to Mia before I go Janis: What else was I gonna wear, like Janis: sure she'll be thrilled Janis: fill in the blanks yourself though, babes Jimmy: a ballgown for all I know Jimmy: not set foot inside a gym Janis: don't let on Janis: so not #goals Janis: who they gonna take #gymselfies with Jimmy: you Jimmy: I'm ken to your barbie, Julie, basically surplus Janis: Please, I actually workout when I'm there, not stare at boys whilst also making sure I look #fit at all times pracing on the treadmill Jimmy: I know Jimmy: I can tell Janis: so 💪 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: you're really fit Janis: shh Jimmy: I get it, you don't wanna talk Jimmy: I'm leaving, don't worry Janis: Good Janis: I'm done with waiting and interruptions and other people Jimmy: where am I going? Jimmy: realised I don't know where you live Janis: Ugh, middle of bloody nowhere literally Janis: Easier if you dare to step in the gym and I'll come with Jimmy: could've sent a car for me, rich girl, or a 🐎 Jimmy: but alright Janis: 🙄 we don't have horses, thank God Janis: there is a donkey if you wanna be that dickhead, very Blackpool, init? right at home Janis: [gym location] literally, down the road and do a left, you'll see all the wankers in the window benches posing Jimmy: swap you for the dog, just kick them cats out & you'll be right Jimmy: gimme a sec Janis: give you 5 mins, even as a 🚬 Jimmy: tah 💕 Jimmy: that's love Janis: it's something Janis: show you when you get here Jimmy: not what I want you to show me Jimmy: but I guess Jimmy: I'll survive Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: last night didn't help you figure it out? Janis: Got some ideas Jimmy: you'll get more Jimmy: just wait 'til I get there Janis: Inspiring Janis: thought I was meant to be the #muse Jimmy: you reckon we're a team Jimmy: I remember you saying Janis: I remember lots of things you said Janis: and everything you didn't Jimmy: won't have to repeat myself then, will I? Janis: I won't be mad if you have to repeat some things Janis: just saying Jimmy: you can do some of the exact same things too, if you want Janis: I intend to Janis: and more, better Janis: had plenty of time to think now Jimmy: just how far away is your house? I need to catch up Janis: Glad you said it 😏 Janis: like 15 on the bus 🙄 but I can tell you all about it then Janis: if I whisper, like Jimmy: 🤞 our fave grandma is there Janis: 😂 Janis: down to give her a reason to really hate Jimmy: are you even goals 'til you turn a hater into a fan? Jimmy: don't think so Janis: ew don't be tryna turn old ladies on Janis: omg, are you your ex Janis: tryna let me down gently Jimmy: there never was an ex #plot twist Jimmy: Barry is my true love Janis: damn Janis: i don't need you to be my true love though barry it's alright Jimmy: stashed the baby in the back of the CG it's why I take such long breaks Jimmy: don't even 🚬 Janis: suspiciously good with kids Janis: damn wait 'til they find out the real #tea Jimmy: 😂 Janis: imma look a fool but i hope barry isn't cheating on you, hearing that cry for help now, babe, soz 💔 Jimmy: channel it into my art, don't I? 🎻🎨 Janis: you did a good job not making me look like an old man Janis: hard to resist, I'm sure Jimmy: shoulda seen my first draft Janis: 😂 Jimmy: you do look better than I can draw you though, for real Jimmy: it ain't my preferred method or whatever Janis: yeah? Jimmy: bit rude if you don't know what is 'cause you've been spending loads of time posing for it Jimmy: means I'm shit at that too Janis: huh, no Janis: that makes perfect sense Janis: you do take a good snap Janis: also why they all thirsting, casual personal photographer 🙄 oh ladies Janis: not that you ain't fit too but you know Jimmy: we all know what the real attraction is Jimmy: keep getting more #goals me Jimmy: shame I had to be in 'em or I could've taught Mia about angles and improved her story even more Jimmy: you fucked up there, mate Jimmy: should've gone with Pete and let me film it Janis: full package, babe Janis: didn't feel like a shame, trust me Janis: though your desire to make money outta me making more and more sense #starvingartist Janis: you're the one that'll have to edit out his cum face Jimmy: hang on, you can let me know what this feels like Jimmy: [dramatic gym kiss hello] Janis: Well Jimmy: unconvincing Jimmy: [kisses her again because] Janis: Jimmy Janis: if you don't stop I'll have to start something right here Jimmy: nowt you've just said is making me want to Janis: I know Janis: Why do I want you this bad, fuck Jimmy: 💔 why wouldn't you, dickhead Janis: Shh it ain't personal Jimmy: what is it then? Jimmy: you said me Janis: I meant Janis: I don't know, this ain't exactly what I do everyday Jimmy: it should be Jimmy: you're good at it Janis: you Jimmy: us maybe Jimmy: it works Janis: Yeah Janis: that's what I mean, I think Janis: it's weird but it just does Janis: really good Jimmy: Like I said, you're weird Jimmy: 'course you like it Janis: why am i weird Jimmy: 'cause you're just Jimmy: different Jimmy: from them, from what I thought you were Jimmy: I don't know Janis: i cannot believe you thought i was one of them Janis: 😂 in what world Jimmy: not your sister, the collective them of this whole town Jimmy: you're just more like someone from before Jimmy: I can't explain it alright, shut up Janis: It's alright Janis: [Kisses him] Jimmy: we gotta go Jimmy: I can't stay here doing this and not Jimmy: I can't even finish the sentence 'cause you're like Jimmy: we just need to leave Janis: Me too Janis: Come on Janis: we just need to Janis: yeah Jimmy: yeah Janis: [On bus 'cos they can't keep kissing the entire time without anything happening so reprieve] Janis: I didn't think this would happen Jimmy: why? Janis: well, you know,you were kinda a dickhead, i'm kinda a dickhead all the time Janis: this wasn't the first logical conclusion to jump to Jimmy: sort of is Jimmy: we're both dickheads Jimmy: #matchmadeinheaven Janis: 😏 when you put it in words it sounds logical Janis: grace reckoned you were using me to get to her and i knew that weren't the truth but idk Jimmy: I know what it is, you reckoned I'd be a shit kisser all big ego & worse chat Jimmy: thought you'd have to suffer through it Janis: pretty much Janis: spot on Jimmy: not the first time I've made that impression Jimmy: or proved it wrong Janis: i bet Janis: wouldn't be the first time i'd suffered through so you know Jimmy: really? Janis: 'course Janis: hasn't everyone? Jimmy: gimme names I'll put them on blast Jimmy: twitter campaign with my newly unlocked account Janis: 😂 productive Jimmy: if one is Mia especially Janis: Christ, as much as she wants to turn me so she can be vindicated in her gaybashing Janis: hell no Jimmy: her teeth could fall out & choke you Jimmy: #goals Janis: 🤢 Janis: she can't be a good lay, I don't get it Jimmy: she isn't, I can tell Jimmy: just an effortless catch Janis: yeah? guess if you ain't yourself, ideal girl Jimmy: she'll be one of those girls who just lies there Jimmy: makes you do everything & then slates you for it Janis: exactly, 'cos heaven forbid you try and chat shit back Jimmy: why is your sister friends with her? I don't get that Janis: bitches of a feather Jimmy: but when she comes in on her own she's like Jimmy: shy Jimmy: nice in a 'don't you dare look at me' way Janis: meh, she's a co-dependent Janis: always has been Jimmy: is that like a twin thing? Janis: fuck off, I don't need her Janis: see me with a Mia to chase around like a puppy? Jimmy: nah, I mean like, she needs you but you don't need her so there's Mia ready Janis: idk, maybe Janis: i think anyone can be like that, some people can't hack being alone but it probably done help that she weren't even in the womb, yeah 🙄 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: my brother & sister need me Jimmy: it's exhausting but I can't not do it Janis: they are kids though, that's excusable, like Janis: still hardwork, no doubt Jimmy: Cass ain't much younger than me though Janis: yeah but gracie has two perfectly lovely parents and an array of brothers and sisters and various fam about, if she's that arsed, know what i mean Janis: being close makes sense when its small like you gotta Janis: she don't need to be how she is on me Jimmy: I'm being a dickhead & you're being spot on Jimmy: I just want her to settle in, you know what I mean Janis: you're alright, most people think it 'cos loads of twins are freaky joined at the hip, so that's what she reckons she wants too but tough shit, you know, didn't ask to be born with her Janis: 'course Janis: it must be shit Janis: she'll be alright, it's that age where everyone's sorta stil mates, not dead separate Janis: she can hold her own Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: least my dad timed it better for them than he did for me Janis: you know Janis: parents are cunts Janis: our older sister had to do so much for us 'til she got sick of and fucked off basically Jimmy: hang on while I tweet that wisdom & @ him Jimmy: yeah he has twitter honestly Janis: cringe Janis: probs subtweeting 'bout me this morning like 👋 Jimmy: I don't reckon he knows what he's doing on it Jimmy: just wants to tell his girlfriends how relevant he stays Janis: can't really slide into someone's fucking linked in Janis: 'less it's with a business offer Jimmy: he does like to mix business and pleasure Jimmy: many an office romance Janis: 😬 Janis: always a good idea Jimmy: I told you, keeps jobs only slightly longer than he does lasses Jimmy: it's all connected, mate Janis: effort Janis: least i can ask to move seats Janis: can't be like, sack debbie from accounts bye Jimmy: don't be trying to have me expelled when school starts Janis: alright, thought you'd be buzzin' but i'll go Janis: cba Jimmy: I wanna go 'cause its bollocks not 'cause they've told me to Jimmy: more of a fuck you to my dad that way Janis: rebel with a cause okay 😍 Jimmy: I'm just saying he'd love it if I got kicked out so he can pretend he's right about what a waste of space I am Jimmy: like I don't do everything he can't be bothered to Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: seriously though Janis: that's just shitty adult speak for 'do my job for me' Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: I keep telling him that I reckon Bobby needs to like talk to someone or some shit but nah, I'll do the work for free Jimmy: qualified fucking child therapist me Janis: duh, got that PHD done between CG and school and full-time childcare Janis: 'cos when nothing happens, or only bad does, can blame you Janis: not deal with how some of it's likely on him Janis: and sorting it fully is, what can you do, or poor Bobby Jimmy: just worry bout him all the time 👍 Jimmy: tah dad really helpful Janis: useless, all parents are Jimmy: didn't wanna sleep in my own bed or get a decent night of it anyway Jimmy: it's fine Janis: but if you complain, you're selfish, yeah? when it ain't complaining for sake of, you just want something actually done Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: & fucked if I wanna stay with you or have you over Jimmy: how dare I Janis: how wild, a teenage boy with urges Janis: right for him though 'cos his roof and all that Jimmy: & new house new rules Jimmy: 'cause that makes sense Janis: 🙄 Janis: only stupid people would have kids, that's my theory Janis: if you had a brain, and could be sorta in change of another human, you wouldn't want to Jimmy: @ Barry next time, babe Janis: fuck you Barry, coming for your mans too and what Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: how do you do that? Jimmy: make me laugh when everything is still shit Janis: Just my renowned personality that Janis: everyone reckons, like 😏 Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause he does reckon, sorry bus peeps] Janis: Welcome Jimmy: when I don't say it that means you don't either, dickhead Janis: soz, new to this friends malarkey, like Jimmy: #friendzoned Jimmy: 💔 Janis: shut up Janis: you need reminding of what we're about to do Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: I do need to shut up & stop throwing my emotional baggage at you, very ungoals Janis: [Kisses him for the reminder and 'cos] Janis: Not to shut you up 'cos nah Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: but its alright Janis: got plenty of baggage to throw at you should you ever wanna even that score Janis: but I ain't telling so far as the world is concerned we're both 🥇 Jimmy: It's like I said last night, I don't mind talking to you but not this second Jimmy: I just want Janis: What? Jimmy: just kiss me again Janis: [More] Jimmy: I'm not saying tah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 😏 Janis: Glad to hear that ain't what you say after Janis: would have been a struggle to act my way over that Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: what was it you said? Very polite very un me Janis: Something like that Jimmy: I'll try & call you by the right name though Jimmy: not let any Barry's slip out Janis: 😑 please try Janis: no convincing myself I heard you wrong Janis: ego can't hack that, like 🤷 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 🖕 Janis: could at least give me false promises now, boy Jimmy: no fake shit Jimmy: not for this Janis: deal Jimmy: [kisses her again cos yolo bitches] Janis: that was real? Janis: shit Jimmy: or how we make deals in the north, Irish girl Jimmy: figure it out Janis: 😏 as amusing as the mental image of business bro dickheads getting off with each other literal to seal a deal is Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: just don't think about my dad or we've got a problem Janis: no danger Janis: safe to say the feeling's mutual too Jimmy: least you'll be long rid of me before I start to look like him Jimmy: again, welcome Janis: 👍 Janis: baz can have you back Jimmy: he'll be dead Jimmy: come on Jimmy: life expectancy of 61 up north & that's if you try Janis: 😂 whoops Janis: pine then bitch Jimmy: 💔🎻 Jimmy: black's my colour anyway so sorted Janis: mhmm, buzzin' for it, I know Janis: welcome again Janis: i really fucked your neck up didn't i [touches] Jimmy: I okayed it before & during, didn't I? Janis: okayed during is an understatement but i'll allow it Janis: save your blushes Jimmy: I didn't have the blood spare for 😳 Janis: such a waste Janis: all the times you've turned me on in public Jimmy: how many? you can round up or whatever school ain't started Janis: Let me think Janis: I don't know, every time we've met up, before you've even kissed me half the time Janis: sometimes just when we've been talking like this, you're hot Jimmy: Where are we if we stop the bus and get off right now? Jimmy: 'Cause I really want to properly turn you on now you've said that Janis: Umm no neighbourhood I know, babe Janis: we've got all afternoon Janis: patience 😘 Jimmy: I'm too northern for that Janis: Excuse for everything 😏 Jimmy: if I'm gonna be dead in 40 odd years that's the only excuse I need Janis: Cheery 😉 Janis: go on then Janis: don't waste any more time, see how turned on I am now [moves hands winkwonk] Jimmy: [saucy activities ensue like I'm surprised ruster don't appear like don't steal our thunder bitch] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ?? Janis: just practicing Janis: can't say it out loud right now Jimmy: practicing trying to kill me, yeah? alright Janis: you don't need no practice, clearly Jimmy: #muse remember Janis: you're good let's do this all day Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: if I get cramp and can't sling a latte tomorrow, on your head Janis: what do i care, i don't drink 'em Janis: 😈 Jimmy: that's the most #goals thing you've ever said to me Jimmy: as far as my personal ones go Janis: the ones we're keeping off the 'gram Jimmy: yeah Janis: do need to think of a non-cringe way to hype up how good you are though, don't get it twisted ladies 😍 Jimmy: while you're thinking Jimmy: [keeps being a saucy bastard cos no chill] Janis: Oh my God Janis: please, I need to bite you some more Jimmy: shit, I've never heard you say please before Jimmy: real or fake Janis: too real, you got me polite as you want, come on or this bus is gonna hear my prettiest too Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: alright Janis: you taste so Jimmy: if its anything like how you taste then I Janis: i wish we had more time i just wanna climb on top of you and Janis: but we're about 3 stops away now Jimmy: [moves her himself 'cause he's cheeky like that] Jimmy: and what? Janis: fuck me Janis: we're gonna get in trouble Jimmy: that's the plan Jimmy: I'll get in trouble for you, it don't matter Jimmy: if anyone asks I'll just say it's all fake Janis: you feel pretty real under me right now Jimmy: you feel Jimmy: I thought I liked kissing you but this is Janis: I want it all Janis: so fucking much I didn't know I could this bad Jimmy: like you said, we've got all afternoon Janis: not long enough Janis: it's a start Jimmy: warn me if you're gonna say shit like that so I can warn everyone on this bus how I'll react Janis: Not sorry Janis: only sorry it's not School time so we could bunk and have all day without feeling bad Jimmy: excuse me while I turn it into a laugh/cry 🎭 Jimmy: don't mind me everyone, rehearsing my death scene Janis: They're all impressed, can't hide it Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: impressed by you Jimmy: you look Janis: Nah only you Jimmy: take the compliment, Janis Janis: Okay Janis: as you remembered my name, like Jimmy: I said I'd try Janis: I'm impressed by your efforts too, don't worry Janis: not gonna go unrewarded Jimmy: [kisses just because] Janis: How do you do that Jimmy: what? Janis: make kissing Janis: good Jimmy: I told you, you're good at it Jimmy: I take pretend it's all me Jimmy: can't* Janis: Suppose so Janis: doesn't say much for everyone else I've kissed but maybe I was shit then Jimmy: like I said, gimme the list Jimmy: they must've been fucking it up 'cause you're Jimmy: you're just not shit Janis: thanks Janis: sorry everyone but not really, ain't that deep Jimmy: were you really surprised when we first kissed or just me Janis: No, I was like Janis: you're gonna think I'm cringe or just saying it but I didn't know it could feel like that Janis: that's why it's got me thinking on everyone else, like what the fuck lads, why were you holding out Jimmy: I get it, I didn't expect it to feel like this either Jimmy: fuck you, Barry, honestly Janis: 😂 Janis: For real Janis: like, it wasn't even 'cos I thought you'd be shit really Janis: idk Janis: weird Jimmy: I didn't think you'd be shit Jimmy: for the record Jimmy: just not into it Janis: 🤷 Oops Janis: that's what I expected and intended too, I guess, just a deal, like Janis: but Janis: just feels too good Jimmy: We've still got a deal Jimmy: only it's changed a bit Jimmy: now it includes getting to finish what I started without some dickhead interrupting me Janis: Please Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause she said please again it makes him die] Janis: [Misses stop 'cos really, has to get off at next one] Janis: That was your fault Jimmy: yours too Jimmy: I don't know the stops, girl Jimmy: you've got one job, I was doing mine Janis: Hmm well perhaps if yours wasn't distracting me you could be doing your REAL job by now 😒 Jimmy: if that's what you wanna call how you felt, go on Janis: Hush, you cannot break my concentration now Jimmy: where the fuck are we? Janis: Farm town, boyo Janis: you ever fucked in a barn before? Jimmy: how would I? Jimmy: you know where I'm from Janis: idk how adventurous your life has been Jimmy: it ain't been well travelled Jimmy: til now Janis: you're welcome for the detour Jimmy: how long 'til we're back where we need to be? Janis: Only 5 if you keep up Janis: wasn't THAT distracted, soz Jimmy: let me get some blood circulating and stop being brutal Janis: 😏 Jimmy: 👍 lets go Janis: Do your best to sneak, yeah, God knows who's about Jimmy: easy for you to say, still so quiet on that bus somehow Jimmy: like a horny mute Janis: piss off Janis: that's such an unsexy thing to call me you bastard Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: it's impressive Janis: it's just self-control Jimmy: what's it gonna take to make you lose it? Janis: Maybe you'll find out Jimmy: I will Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: if it takes me longer than this afternoon, then fine Janis: you wanna do this again Janis: not this exact scenario, detour included like Jimmy: do you? Janis: you always do that Janis: answer questions with questions Janis: sly Jimmy: that still ain't an answer from you Janis: yeah Janis: i wanna Janis: i like it Jimmy: I like you Jimmy: don't be weird about it Jimmy: weirder Janis: forever a dickhead Jimmy: piss off it's a compliment, how many times Janis: 😂 okay okay Janis: i get it, you like weird Janis: i like dickheads, namely you though Jimmy: bet you love yourself, you massive dickhead Jimmy: I like you & you happen to be weird, it's not a fetish or owt Janis: do actually 💪 Janis: got my own name tattooed on my arse, like Jimmy: 📷 one for the insta then Jimmy: least it'll help me remember it Janis: That's why I got it Janis: saves a conversation Jimmy: stop making me laugh Jimmy: trying to be mad at you for making us miss our stop Janis: you know you can't be mad at this face Janis: or this arse Jimmy: [kisses her and touches the booty 'cause true] Janis: See Janis: 😍 Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: can make me in a minute Jimmy: I can make you now Jimmy: if you're gonna keep on Janis: Back to being mute Janis: thought you wanted to hear some noise, contrary Jimmy: leave it out Janis: 🤐 Janis: ❓ Jimmy: [starts being saucy to try and get her to make noise] Janis: You know how much I like to win, yeah? Jimmy: as much as me Janis: Oh baby Janis: you wish 😏 Jimmy: I know Jimmy: [cranks his naughty behaviour up a notch which makes me lol like where even are you lads? calm down] Janis: You know I have to live 'round here, right Jimmy: you do, I don't Jimmy: you know how to make me stop Janis: Bastard Jimmy: just stop holding it in Janis: I don't know if I'll be able to stop if I do Jimmy: I don't want you to stop Jimmy: do you? Janis: No but Jimmy: you want everything, gimme this Jimmy: [more sauciness 'cause] Janis: [is loud, hopefully no one is about lol] Jimmy: Fuck Jimmy: you really were holding out on me, weren't you? Janis: It's just Janis: embarrassing Jimmy: It's just amazing Janis: No bullshitting? Jimmy: I said I wouldn't Janis: Okay good Jimmy: You're so hot Jimmy: how you look, feel, taste, sound Jimmy: I just want it Janis: You're Janis: I don't know why but I'm not gonna question it because I want you just as much Janis: More Jimmy: [more kisses] Janis: We need to keep walking Jimmy: yeah Janis: I don't want to either but I need you to fuck me so Jimmy: It's alright, I need it too Jimmy: we can do this Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🥇

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Ich glaub ich spinne Carly: wtf Carly: do you want a drink babe? Ali: ze german, baby Ali: i'll say no but get why you're saying yes so early Carly: k more for me Carly: nobodys in a sharing mood today Ali: yeah? Carly: yea Carly: no fun Ali: Leben ist kein Ponyhof Carly: give drew a slap for me k Ali: it would be my pleasure Ali: can i ask how he's pissed on your parade from over here tho Carly: the boy played me Carly: he wanted me to beg for what id just given him the prick Carly: shouldnt have drunk this much this soon my bad Ali: he's a fuckboy Ali: you knew that Ali: my sister on the other hand remains frustratingly oblivious Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: ive been trying to get him to dump her this whole coach ride Ali: I'm not mad at you, babe Ali: no room with how much ugh I have for him Ali: well, hopefully she will him Carly: he thinks shes gonna fuck him in berlin Ali: prick Ali: won't when she finds out Carly: you cant say anything cuz i wasnt meant to Ali: Let himself fuck it up then Ali: he's not being subtle Carly: he cant do subtle Carly: me and him have that in common like Ali: Carly Ali: do you like him? Carly: why Ali: because I think you do Carly: it doesn't matter what you think Carly: he thinks she's girlfriend material & im a slag Carly: hes not wrong either Ali: If you like him, then you should say Ali: regardless, shouldn't let him be a cunt to you, and Ro in the process Ali: who the fuck is he Carly: ha Carly: i dont like anyone baby Carly: I'm just bored Carly: berlins a whole new party Ali: well, good Ali: one less worry Ali: I wish you the perfect holiday fling Carly: aw Carly: youre still the sweetest Carly: sure you dont want a drink while theres some left? Ali: need it now so fuck it Ali: chuck it over Carly: come over Carly: you kno youre the sporty one Carly: i cant be throwing things round the coach Ali: alright, you calling baby spice, I assume? Carly: or scary Carly: depends whos asking Carly: cant be posh tho Ali: yeah you can Ali: she weren't even and you can rock that pout just as well Carly: aw Carly: you should be baby tho youre the cutest Ali: little school all over again, we can't all be baby, lads! 😂 Ali: i'll be ginger, if you wore that iconic dress on your site, you'd get lynched Carly: yea Carly: & if anyone would cause drama by going solo its you Carly: Marlene been knew Ali: Ouch 💔 Ali: but fair Ali: Already thinking about her due to namesake birthplace but you really went there Ali: please tell me I haven't tanked as hard, not got Drew's fragile ego like but 😥 Carly: you kno im just mad youre not thinking about me Carly: dont listen to a word i say Carly: goldies got a fragile heart now too, so sad you broke up w me & stole his bf on top Carly: someone think of the golden god Ali: baby Ali: yeah, that's TOTALLY what the weird vibe is all about Ali: moody twat, soz a threesome is outta the question now Carly: he likes you too Carly: thats a thing Carly: playing like im the one hung up but he is Ali: Nah Ali: that boy don't know what he wants Ali: not down for him using my bestie and sister to find out though, fuck off and soul search like the rest Carly: he wants you Carly: but you got your boy & he shouldnt be trying to mess w Carly: meant to be his boy too Ali: so he reckons but give him 5 minutes before he weren't arsed Ali: don't trust him as far as I can throw him so ain't taking his word on that either like Ali: exactly Ali: 🐍 Carly: id leave him alone if he was happy being w her but i kno he isnt Carly: not letting him lie to me Ali: it doesn't have to be your problem Ali: or your job to make him happy Ali: knew it though Carly: ha Carly: it isn't my problem Carly: & i cant keep a job you kno Carly: couldnt do that one if i was paid like Ali: no one can babe Ali: not to be that hippie cliche about it Ali: but forreal, gotta do that shit himself Carly: its Carly: how he makes me feel sometimes Carly: not happy im not living that lie but Carly: its not nothing & sometimes its good you kno Ali: yeah Ali: i know Ali: but you can have more, if you want Ali: that is possible Ali: you don't have to settle for sometimes good Carly: youre sweet but youre a dreamer babe Carly: ive got nothing going on not in my head & not around me Carly: theres no more than settling down on the site or settling for being off whenever i can Ali: s'not true Carly: yea it is Carly: you dont want it to be but that dont mean its not Carly: me and that boy have more in common than not being subtle like Ali: it ain't Ali: doesn't have to be Ali: nothing is set in stone unless you pour the fucking cement yourself, like Carly: it doesnt have to be doing it but it can still get poured Carly: forget it tho Carly: im drinking on empty & feeling sorry for myself Carly: no fun in that Ali: ain't that fast drying Ali: dust yourself off and run Carly: where to babe Carly: nowhere to go but the coach bathroom Carly: been there done that Ali: well hang on a bit and we'll be in a whole new country, babe Ali: promise is a promise and we can start in Berlin Carly: but 3s a crowd when its not a party Carly: im not trying to mess you & your boy up Carly: cant tell drew off if i do Ali: nah Ali: it ain't like that Ali: not got the blinkers on and knowing each other's passwords and schedules Ali: got trust Carly: yea? Carly: got food too or Carly: cuz im gonna vom if you say no Ali: Yes Ali: Lemme food parcel Carly: if you havent lost the knack Carly: been awhile Ali: 😔 Ali: i'm soz Carly: dont be Carly: you kno i love you Carly: no drama Ali: i love you too Ali: and you would tell me if you needed something wouldn't you Ali: 'cos that ain't changed, i'm still here Ali: unlucky bitch Carly: unlucky for you Carly: shouldnt be on site unless theres something in it for you babe Carly: all i need is to remember breakfast before i get on a sess Carly: & to dilute my spirits sometimes too Ali: there is, you nutter Ali: there you go, who said school trips weren't educational? only on the bus and you're whacking out the wisdom already Carly: not as thick as i look Carly: ms woodfield was thinking it too i reckon Carly: she might kno but im still gonna blame the shit driver if i vom Carly: try and stop me bitch Ali: you look nothing but amazing hush Ali: she's down with the kids, she'll hold your hair back Carly: you hush Carly: trying to make me emotional in front of the front of the coach Ali: it's alright, join Millie Rooney and say you're homesick 😉 Carly: idk whats sadder everyone thinking im crying over an empty caravan or that prick thinking its about him Ali: 😬 i know what i reckon Ali: better dry those tears, babygirl Carly: get his phone for me tho yea Carly: i am mad he gets me & i get nothing back Carly: use the magic Ali: use my mad hacking skillz gotcha Ali: but should I use them for good and accidentally forward some incriminating shit to Ro? 🤔 Ali: this is why we're not meant to play God Carly: do what you must Carly: i trust you Ali: don't worry, sure you're not the only girl he's been chatting too Ali: no offense meant obvs but you know Ali: don't have to drop you in it, as if its your fault but idk, Ro isn't always willing to be entirely rational when it comes to him Carly: idc she never liked me much anyways Carly: better that than dropping some naive random in it Carly: everyones seen me naked if it blows up Carly: old news Carly: & the vid was good too i look hot Ali: hmm, good point on the random Ali: and I don't doubt that you did Ali: I'll have to think on this a bit harder Carly: k Carly: if everyone gets in my inbox ill kno Ali: god Ali: people are gross Carly: can be fun sometimes Carly: cant all be angels like you babe Ali: 🖕 Ali: you know i ain't Carly: i kno you are Carly: too sweet Ali: pot kettle baby Ali: but your secret's safe with me 😘 Carly: ha Carly: its no secret im only sweet to you so youre the only one who needs to kno Ali: 'cos people suck Ali: that's no secret Ali: not gonna waste your time, are you, like Carly: not as good at picking out the deserving ones as you Carly: no secret i fuck up more than i dont Carly: how many bad decisions can i make before berlin tho Ali: nah, you're just too nice for your own good Ali: you know he don't deserve it but people have made the same (wrong) judgment on you so you can't do it back Ali: to anyone Ali: even genuinely shitty people, or people who'd be better off for the nudge of nah Carly: now whos dropping the wisdom Carly: ill just screenshot those few sentences for my ma when she's on at me Carly: im a nice person bitch Ali: 💅☕ though Ali: i'll translate it into spanish for her if she's not getting the memo in plain english Carly: ha Carly: she got well excited cuz she thought berlin had a red light district Carly: thought she was gonna get in my bags Carly: one way to stop me fucking drew in the front row but Ali: pretending i didn't hear that last bit ew Ali: moving on Ali: she wanna get in the windows or like? Carly: she did get the sack so probs Carly: or she thinks itll be like magic mike the german dub idk Ali: oh honey Ali: every nights a hen night Ali: 🙄 Carly: imagine if theyd let mas and das on this trip Carly: i couldnt have come Ali: me either Ali: no one needs that Carly: your ma is so scary Carly: but shed put goldie in his place Carly: probs shouldve brought her Carly: keep me behaving Ali: she literally wants to murder him Ali: need a restraining order and more than mr murray and mr latimer to keep her back Carly: ha Carly: love it Carly: cant she break up the happy couple Carly: my da did me & this beautiful traveller lad that took my v Ali: 💔 Ali: is he married now Ali: if we're doing matchmaking Ali: but in answer, she learnt that forbidding something makes it 1000x more likely to happen and in more secretive, intense ways so Ali: I'm soz Ro, really fucked you over on that one Carly: idk my da literally moved them on Carly: threat of getting the law Carly: k but he still wouldnt be into it Carly: i feel bad for her Ali: ugh Ali: so romeo and juliet, baby you must've been so about it 'til he fucked it up that hard Ali: yeah, i know Ali: i'll figure out something Carly: i was only 12 so i did have the mindset Carly: worth it tho Carly: prettiest boy ive ever seen Ali: swizzle on that, goldilocks Carly: everyone wanted to fuck him Carly: the whole site was feeling the love Carly: fun times Ali: like a beatle was living in your back garden Ali: love that Carly: i peaked Carly: all there is now is a golden god who behaves like a idiot boy Ali: i mean, won't take offense 😒 sat right here and all but no 😉 Ali: there's a whole world of dick out there i promise you Ali: some attached to boys who don't behave like one Carly: ha Carly: you know you're my fave Carly: but youre sat next to him so I cant tell it Ali: 💚 Ali: won't even tell you who i lost my v to Ali: too shaming Carly: now you have to Ali: 😬😫 Ali: okay but then i'm going for a piss so i don't have to feel the pity Carly: baby id never feel sorry for you Carly: w my life come on Ali: you might sympathize though 'cos it was ronan Ali: why he got all weird, probs Ali: eurgh repressed memories flooding back in with the shame 😂 Carly: shit Carly: i told drew all first times are bad but wouldnt wish him on you like that Carly: oh ronan Carly: he better not have treated you like he did me Carly: ill fucking kill him like Ali: aw babe Ali: my hero 💪 Ali: you know what he's like but that shit is long in the past with us so meh Carly: im gonna cry Carly: babe thats sad Carly: & now ms woodfield is staring at me k Ali: don't cry silly Ali: is what it is Carly: im crying and planning murder Ali: you went there too, and other various dickheads, so where's my invite to this party? Carly: but youre perfect Carly: and it was your first time Carly: actual tears in the front row Ali: oh babe Ali: i'm coming over Ali: bog roll in hand Carly: youre too good Carly: im so sad Ali: 😇 that's you Carly: all you tho Ali: nu-uh Ali: you you you Carly: i cant argue cuz im blinded by my tears Ali: not the greatest victory I've ever then Ali: but I'll take it if you smile again Carly: waiting for ms woodfield to tell me i need jesus Carly: ill laugh then Ali: okay, i'll try and lead the convo and her like Ali: we got this, woody Carly: nah if you try and lead her anywhere itll only go one way Carly: teachers pet Ali: 😂 Ali: do you reckon she loves that everyone lowkey drools over her 'cos she's the right side of 40 Ali: or is she desperately job hunting like these fucking kids Carly: i can see in her eyes she loves it Carly: she hates me cuz i dont Carly: facts Ali: not 'cos you never do your work, nah 😏 Carly: & im drunk as fuck rn on her watch Ali: i mean Ali: if YOU were doing your job properly darling Ali: mad you beat her to it, they always get plastered on trips Carly: yea Carly: bet shed take nudes in the bathroom if she had someone to send them to Ali: ooh what teacher could she homewreck Ali: school trip always a perfect place to start an affair Carly: Mr O'Brien could get it if you were old Ali: good shout Ali: getting out my bow as we speak Carly: Mr Cork is alright too but he looks like he'd shower after holding hands Carly: weird Ali: I mean Ali: cleanliness is next to godliness Ali: dirty hoe Carly: ha Carly: you kno it Ali: might be a serial killer Ali: but you wouldn't catch nowt off him Carly: dont have to go home if he murders me Carly: scatter me in berlin lad Ali: 😨😭 noooooo Ali: even if i could go neeson and avenge you Carly: dont go neeson off set tho Carly: your boy wouldnt love the racism Ali: don't wanna be that bitch Ali: problematique Carly: enough bitches on this coach Carly: for once not looking at you ms woodfield Carly: we ever getting there? i thought getting wasted would make me less bored not more Ali: and lowkey racists Ali: all comes out the woodworks when you outed, that gay bashing all afresh like Ali: seriously, why couldn't we go on a plane Carly: & overt racists Carly: that cash tho Carly: how would the teachers afford to get wrecked if they blew the budget Carly: gotta blow each other first Ali: ☕ Ali: dickheads Carly: when goldilocks isnt the biggest twat on the coach tho Carly: idk what to do w that Carly: universe trying to make me like him Ali: give him time Ali: sure he'll reclaim his title 💪 Carly: he'd love a crown Carly: or a medal Carly: get crafting Ali: only if I can get biblical Ali: crown of thorns, you mean barbed wire, okay Carly: ha Carly: im tired come & nap w me Ali: okay boo Ali: as far as pillows go 😏 Carly: serious Carly: i dont wanna sleep on my own Carly: hate it Ali: i remember Ali: coming Ali: promise

[punkscowardschampions]

Fearghal & Fraze

Fearghal: Your sister has had the baby, 10.30 ish this morning, both healthy, no complications Fraze: Cheers for letting me know Fraze: I'll have to give her a bell when she's home Fearghal: Yeah about that Fearghal: if you could give her a couple of days, it'd be greatly appreciated Fraze: What's the craic? Caleb being a twat again like or what? Fearghal: No, well, not exactly but there is some shit she needs to get in order Fearghal: on strict orders to tell you all as much as you need so you're not worried but she'll give you the rest in her own time Fearghal: thought I'd get to you sharpish, on the off chance Ro wants to talk to Bea about it Fearghal: Know they don't usually talk but, she might, I dunno Fraze: Fucking hell Fraze: The kid got two healthy heads? Fearghal: As good as, son Fearghal: that's how it feels Fearghal: The kid ain't Calebs Fearghal: obviously so, you understand Fraze: Jesus Christ Fraze: It's white, ain't it? Fraze: What's Ali doing about it Fearghal: Right Fearghal: Keeping it of course Fearghal: but that has everything else a bit up in the air, her and the lad, he's meant to be going off to Singapore with her Fraze: Does she know who the other lucky lad is? Maybe he'll take the plane seat Fearghal: Oi, enough of that Fearghal: She does and it isn't fucking likely Fraze: Calm down, da, you know I've got her back Fraze: You gonna go round there and sort him? You ain't getting any younger, gotta be careful Fearghal: Fucking cheek Fearghal: Don't think there's much point, no talking to some people and anyway, what do I do for the best? Fearghal: She doesn't want him, get nothing forcing a piece of shit Father on the poor little sod Fearghal: Might be better off with him out of it frankly Fraze: She knows how to pick 'em Fearghal: Sound like your Mother, boy Fearghal: can't say he doesn't love his kids Fraze: Poor cunt Fraze: I'd go mad Fearghal: Same Fearghal: its not all it sounds, she's not cheated or been reckless but Fearghal: I'll let her explain herself Fearghal: Poor kid, all she's been doing since Fraze: It's a head fuck all round Fraze: Fair play if she's got any words Fearghal: She needs all the support she can get right now Fearghal: that's all we need from you lot, got it? Fraze: yeah yeah old man I hear you Fraze: What you think, I'm gonna wet the baby's head and drown the poor fucker Fraze: Come on Fearghal: You're not exactly known for your tact, are ya son Fearghal: Hence the preparation so you don't say something really fucking stupid Fraze: She's still my sister even if she is making a holy show of it Fearghal: None of you are angels Fearghal: but we're family, its a life sentence, no parole Fraze: Too right Fraze: Who's telling Joe? Fearghal: You can, if you'd like Fearghal: no chance of me or your Ma getting a response really but Fearghal: know he feels he can to you lot, when the mood takes him Fraze: Putting it strong but I will for what it's worth Fraze: He's gotta be told Fearghal: Cheers Fearghal: and if you could forewarn Bea to be on her best behaviour should Ro come-a-knocking Fearghal: rather you than me Fraze: Cheers yourself then Fraze: Ali coming back to yours? Fearghal: For now, yeah Fearghal: got about a month 'til she goes Fearghal: if she does Fraze: Rather you than me Fraze: Don't miss the kids being that small Fearghal: Loving the terrible twos that much, are ya? Fraze: I love a row, yeah? Fraze: It's hilarious Fearghal: Any excuse for a tantrum eh Fraze: Buster clocked me the other day, I was well proud Fraze: Great jab on him Fearghal: 'Course he does, he's a McKenna Fearghal: know what to get him for their next birthday then, I'll tell Ma Fraze: Speaking of, does Hallmark do a 'sorry your kid came out white' card or we improvising that hard on the gift front? Fraze: Fucked us all up there Fearghal: Funny, keep it up and you'll be dealing with worse than your toddler's Fearghal: I'm not sure she's incredibly arsed but you know what you need, wasn't that long ago Fearghal: She's not going to start sobbing at the sight of a babygro Fraze: I was gonna get her and the lad shit for Singapore case they started missing the homeland Fraze: Awkward Fraze: I bet she's desperate to fuck off out of it now Fearghal: It'll still be appreciated Fearghal: Last I heard she's determined to still go Fearghal: I'll intercept the post if there's a change of plans, like Fraze: She'll go just to prove she can Fraze: Stubborn fuck Fraze: Good thing the real dad don't want a look in like Fearghal: Mother's daughter Fearghal: Yeah, no danger of that Fearghal: Maybe when they come back he'll have manned up Fraze: I can't imagine having to hop on a plane every time your kid's got a shitty nappy Fraze: Don't sound like he's bothered though Fraze: Not like she needs him Fearghal: Nah Fearghal: Not every cunt is lucky enough that the relationship with the Ma works out though Fearghal: can't have the kid or her all to yourself all the time if you've fucked it Fearghal: but co-parenting and sharing is better than nothing Fearghal: if you ask me but he disagrees Fraze: No cunt'd keep me from my kids Fraze: Nothing to do with luck Fraze: It's an excuse for him to be a pussy and cry off if he gets challenged later Fraze: Can't be that loved up with her if it's the first we've heard Fraze: He's a twat. End of Fearghal: You know what I mean Fearghal: Heaven forbid you two ever broke up, you'd do what you could and make the most of your time with them Fearghal: Not sulk like a soppy twat because its unfair Fearghal: The feeling certainly is not mutual, from what I understand, at any rate Fearghal: But I thought the same Fraze: You gonna say next that it was all bad luck Ronnie's da was a waster and bowed out? Fraze: Some cunts honestly Fraze: Too busy crying to wipe your kids eyes Fraze: Ali's well rid Fearghal: I've got no room to judge Fearghal: he was a kid, made my own mistakes at his age, arguably as bad Fearghal: S'too short to be angry about it, you just have to get on with it Fraze: You don't get to be a kid when you have one, simple as Fraze: Tell me who the cunt is of Ali's I'll write that on his head for him Fraze: Proper spell it out Fearghal: Nah, you don't Fearghal: but even if you don't raise the kid, your childhood's still gone Fearghal: I doubt Josh went on to do great things with his life, or he don't have regrets about how he handled it Fearghal: I don't think its my place, son Fraze: Ma had me though, don't get greater, yeah? Fraze: I reckoned on you saying that. Ah well. Had to give it a shot Fearghal: So you say, so you say, boy Fearghal: You know you'd never hear the end of it Fearghal: Wouldn't be appreciated, like Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Probably won't hear the end of Bea if I don't tell her who it is though Fearghal: She'll probably work it out Fearghal: They're brighter than us Fearghal: Your Ma didn't seem surprised but first I'd heard of it Fearghal: Naturally, or maybe coulda intervened before now Fraze: Sounds legit Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: Our family needs their heads banged together, us two excluded Fearghal: Preaching to the choir boy Fearghal: we do alright Fraze: You were never a choir boy Fraze: Might bring Joe out of his hole, I'd take that Fearghal: 'Course I was Fearghal: fucking angelic, mate Fearghal: Yeah Fearghal: as usual, keep us posted Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: The cat thinks you're dying when you let a tune out Fraze: 'Course Fearghal: Well, lots changed since those days Fearghal: Balls dropped for one Fearghal: Career over Fraze: Regrets, you've got a few, yeah? Fraze: On you go, lad Fearghal: Too right, take me back Fearghal: Miss those nuns Fraze: Bet they miss you too Fearghal: I wouldn't bet on it but you know Fearghal: Only got better with age, in all the ways Fraze: Don't fancy your odds? More for them Fearghal: Oh trust me, you don't wanna face them on anything Fearghal: There's a reason we spared you the Catholic Schools Fearghal: aside from being relapsed and your Ma a filthy heathen Fraze: That'd do it Fraze: Damned the lot of us Fearghal: Might've done Fearghal: Not what we had in mind but Fraze: You're alright da I've competed my fair share of sins Fraze: Heaven's not a place for me Fearghal: I reckon we're best off if I don't know Fraze: Pissed my own bed with no help from ya, either way Fearghal: Oh well, at least we'll all be in the same place on the otherside Fraze: Stuck with all of yous Fearghal: Looks like it Fearghal: Tried to lose you all back in Liverpool but Fearghal: ya followed Fraze: Shouldn't have had a pint in your hand constantly it'd be easier to get rid of me Fearghal: 🍀 Fearghal: What can I say? Fraze: Given up the cigs yet, mate? Fearghal: Have you? Fearghal: Cheeky git Fraze: That's a no Fraze: And with a newborn in the house! Shocking behavior like Fearghal: Well, might be able to get through a whole pack by myself without your thieving mitts about, eh? Fraze: Quick learner and I had a good teacher Fearghal: How did any of ya survive honestly Fearghal: God knows Fraze: 🍀 Fearghal: Must be Fraze: Unless the bloke from downstairs with the horns wants to take credit, like Fearghal: If so, you're slacking in spreading the evil about for him Fraze: Got the next generation to do it for me Fearghal: Started doing that Damien shit have they? You were a bugger for staring at us as we slept, creepy lil fucker Fraze: Those twins from the Shining have got nothing on my two Fraze: Thank Christ they weren't both girls Fearghal: Woulda been a cracking costume but not good for your nightmares Fearghal: Ahh, those were the days Fearghal: Appreciate 'em Fraze: I do Fraze: It's fucked up that lad is so keen to miss out Fearghal: Well, he hasn't got the experience to know what he's depriving himself of Fearghal: Hm, might've been a giveaway that Fraze: I swear not to break his legs Fraze: Not looking to get you in shit with the girls Fearghal: I understand Fearghal: Its very fucking tempting Fearghal: You've got three guesses, use your head, kid, given enough away like Fraze: I reckon he's the kind of cunt to shop us, wouldn't put it past him by the sounds Fraze: Last thing anyone needs Fearghal: No chance, which makes it all the more Fearghal: Type of lad who can't go running to garda for anything Fraze: Fuck Fearghal: Yeah Fearghal: Why else would Ro be in a fucking state too Fearghal: Bastard Fraze: She's always in a state about something Fraze: I can't blame her this time though in fairness Fearghal: Apparently, its been years in the making, you know the type, gets so many yes' Fearghal: A no don't sit right, it wasn't THAT though, before you really get angry Fearghal: the chase, whatever, we've all been there and its obvious he's a scumbag but her sister Fearghal: Didn't need to go there, did he? Fraze: Opportunistic cunt Fraze: I bet he got her drunk as well as Fraze: Biding his time 'til she was at any rate Fraze: She wouldn't go near him otherwise and he knows it Fearghal: She was, your Brother reluctantly told us, didn't wanna snitch but wanted us to have the full picture Fearghal: it was back when Caleb wasn't coping with the boy and they had their break Fearghal: Your Sister wasn't coping as well as she fronted either, apparently Fraze: Fair play to Tommo, this lad's a bigger rat Fraze: Glad he had her back when it was kicking off like Fearghal: Yeah, glad she had someone she could confide in Fearghal: 'cos obviously Ro was out of the question Fearghal: So much for loyalty from him to Caleb though...after all that family has done for him Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Great lad all round, ain't he Fraze: No surprise he isn't stepping up for his kid Fearghal: Yeah, not unless she stays with him Fearghal: Over my dead body, sunshine Fearghal: She won't, even if she has to leave without Caleb, she's not daft Fraze: Over his if he fucking tried it Fraze: Nobody's keeping her from going Fearghal: Its all she's wanted and worked for Fearghal: Though your mother isn't thrilled about the idea of her going out there alone with 3 babies in tow Fearghal: I'm not either but I know she can Fearghal: fucking how, I do NOT know Fraze: None of us want her over in wherever the fuck but it's where she's gotta be Fearghal: Right Fearghal: None of you can be normal and do one thing at a time, can you? Fraze: Who'd you think we got that off, you soft twat Fearghal: Fair, I never did the School thing and your Mum only went back inbetween you lot and Mr Oopsy-Baby himself Fearghal: Still proud of her Fearghal: and yous, glad you are but fucking hell Fearghal: gonna be in the ground 'fore the year is out, I tell ya Fraze: It'd be one hell of a party but there's plenty of shit to celebrate before you pop your clogs Fraze: If only Ali not being saddled with the local wannabe Fearghal: True Fearghal: I'll do my best to stick around then Fearghal: No promises Fraze: Try and earn a bit more before you're in the ground Fraze: Save us lot paying out Fearghal: Just fling me in the sea Fearghal: I'll write it in the will, no suspicions like Fraze: Trying to get the garda on me, are ya? Fraze: Unlucky Fraze: Gotta get up earlier than that, lad Fearghal: Oh well, had to try, ay? Fearghal: Reckon Rock's still young enough to fool Fearghal: Probably have me off the cliff whilst I'm still living like Fraze: He would Fraze: Watch yourself Fearghal: Got to Fearghal: Got Rio running 'round doing his bidding at the mo Fearghal: not needed tonight but might escape to the pub for the peace Fearghal: Irish Da style Fraze: 'course Fraze: Have one for me Fraze: Cambs can't compete Fearghal: I'll save it for the next time yous are over Fraze: Get yourself down here and save me from all these posh twats Fearghal: No chance, lucky you got a mongrel of an accent, catch a note of mine and I'll be banned with the dogs and blacks Fraze: Might get that burial sooner than you reckoned Fraze: Make your mind up Fearghal: Reckon I could take 'em but not in the courts like Fearghal: they'd have to fucking kill me, got no dosh to dole out Fraze: I'll let you off then Fraze: This once Fraze: Less good for us lot behind bars than you'd be in a box Fearghal: Know what I'd prefer Fearghal: Might bump into one of me brothers Fraze: Perfect time for a family reunion right now Fearghal: Fuck no Fearghal: Avoiding 'em in hell too like Fraze: Best of luck with that one Fraze: I'll raise a glass to it Fearghal: You can raise it again to the fact you never had to meet 'em Fraze: Any excuse for another drink, yeah Fearghal: If MY Da taught me anything worth remembering Fraze: A recycled lesson would be the only one I take to heart Fraze: fuck's sake Fearghal: What can I say? Fearghal: Not full of wisdom just full of shit Fraze: That makes one of us Fearghal: When yours can string a proper sentence together come back to me boy Fearghal: see how clever you feel when a kid's running rings round ya Fraze: Never gonna happen, I've got all the answers Fearghal: 😂 Fearghal: Well, best be off Fearghal: the kids are running riot and the baby is screaming along with your Ma so Fearghal: that's my cue to jump ship Fraze: yeah don't let me keep ya Fearghal: Catch you later mate Fraze: Look after yourself Fraze: And that lot Fearghal: Will do Fearghal: You and yours like