#(needs to listen to Hallelujah and Center@Girl next)

[nami-moittli]

Oh appmon, you will always be famous to me…

^ is listening to the chara songs

[wtfevenismypage]

Observer, not Profiler PT.2

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!reader

Summary: You’re similar to a profiler, but you can tell almost anything about a person just from a single glance. What they had for dinner, if they took a bath or shower, their name, favorite color, if they lie, even if they’re good in bed. You’ve been running from the government ever since you got caught hacking into their systems and since then you have been diagnosed with Extreme anxiety, anxious tics, and paranoia. But now the BAU need you’re help in Identifying killers.

Warnings: mentions of murder, mentions of child porn(for the case, doesn’t go into detail), mentions of corpses, probably a few curse words.

You watch as everyone separates, and you follow The three agents to a room with a round table and a board of pictures with dead women.

“what can you tell us about this man?”

Agent Aaron sets a file down on the table as Spencer gestures for you to sit down.

You open the file, looking at pictures of a man with short hair and a muscly build.

“His name is Maxwell, He’s thirty four. In this picture he had just finished... killing a woman. He probably had to force her away from a crowd because his social skills are lacking, he treats women like toys and men like competition. He’s a severe liar. He won’t just lie when it’s essential he’ll lie about anything for no reason. He’s killed before, but this time was for fun. He was bored.”

Agent Prentiss stares at you with her jaw on the floor, and your gaze drops to the floor.

“Okay that’s awesome. How do you do that?”

You shrug shyly before meeting her eyes.

“I’ve been able to do it ever since I was a little girl. I’m not sure why though. Don’t think I really want to know either...”

“He killed for fun?”

You nod at Aaron’s question, looking back down to avoid his steel cold stare.

“Okay, that got us much further than we could have gotten by ourselves, thank you Y/n.”

The scary agent says, returning to the victim board and analyzing everything.

-

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It’s been hours. You’ve sat in this room for hours and they have nothing else. 

To say you’re tired was an extreme understatement. You’ve gone three days without sleep and another three days without eating. You’re body is screaming at you to go to sleep, to just pass out right then and there, but you know you can’t.

“Y/n, are you alright?”

You nod, staring at the pictures of the dead, mutilated women. You didn’t understand how someone could do this.

“I don’t understand how you guys do this job... Staring at dead bodies all the time... You guys gotta have some sort of super power to be able to stomach this...”

Emily stifles a laugh before setting a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently before patting it twice.

“You get over it eventually, but it always haunts you.”

You let out a quiet yawn before closing your eyes and turning away from the board, the dead body sticking on your eyelids.

“Hey, I’m going out to get food, what do you all want?”

JJ says, standing in the doorway as Spencer, Aaron and Emily request their food.

“What do you want Y/n?”

You look up shocked, not expecting the offer of food.

“Umm... I’ll uh... Anything is fine I guess... Thank you.”

She smiles and nods before walking out. You sit down on a chair, your feet screaming hallelujah at the feeling of finally resting.

Spencer sits down next to you, handing you a bottle of water which you accept gratefully.

“You need to sleep, how long has it been since you last slept?”

You let out a chuckle, rubbing your sore eyes.

“I don’t know...Maybe, two, three days?”

Aaron- Hotch, turns to you with furrowed brows and mock concern. 

“You need to rest. Reid, set up a cot for her in an empty office.”

You shake your head with lidded eyes.

“No no, I’m fine I’m-”

You’re cut off by your own yawn. A faint blush creeps up on your cheeks while you rest your head on the table.

“M’ fine.”

The world slowly fades out as they call out your name again, but you’re already out cold.

When you wake up, you’re in a small sleeping bag on the floor, a pillow comforting your head. You’re up in a bolt, looking around warily before remembering what had happened withing the last twenty four hours.

Oh yeah... The FBI is using me..

You walk to the door with a sigh, looking around at the somewhat empty police station, a few officers working the stations, but it’s practically empty.

A blonde woman in colorful clothes walks by, pausing when she sees you.

“You, with me, now.”

She continues speed-walking on after that, and you run after her, following right on her heels.

“The team went out on a wild goose chase after the unsub, I need you and your magic hands to help me get into this guy’s computer, it’s blocked like nothing I’ve seen before, together we should be able to get in.”

You cringe at the thought of hacking, you haven't since the incident, but this woman is in the FBI and you’re pretty sure it’s unwise to disobey her. 

“Yes ma’am.”

She smirks and turns to you, but doesn’t say anything as she leads you into a room with five computers.

“Alright, we have to be quick. This guy is gonna kill again in ten minutes. I have the team on the line, anything you find, anything at all, tell them.”

You nod and sit at one of the two wheely chairs, looking at the database of the killers computer.

“A hash tree data structure, this dude likes things in groups. He has a NoSQL object oriented database and heavy protection on everything, he’s spent a lot of time protecting his files. This isn’t gonna be easy and I’m really rusty.”

You begin typing in every word combo you can think of, typing as fast as possible.

“Just do the best you can.”

Hotchner says over the speaker, you listen, continuing with any word combo you can think of when remembering his face.

Six minutes pass and you and Penelope still have nothing.

“Can I see another picture of him?”

She tosses a file to you, which you yank open, looking at the photo’s of him.

“Try anything star wars related, specifically characters, maybe a villain of the series.”

You tell her before tossing the folder aside and using your own advice.

Finally, you hear that satisfying noise of success from Penelope’s computer.

“We’re in.”

She enter’s the password into the computer you’re manning, which leads you to a killer’s screen.

A mutilated woman is the background, and you flinch away.

“Oh god...”

You click onto google, but it’s no better, every tab is war and chaos and horrible things. Child porn seems to be popular with him.

“Go through his stuff, look for anywhere he might be.”

You ignore all of the destruction on his desk top, clicking through everything before discovering a location.

“Got it! Go to the daycare at the Starrmole mall!”

“Copy that, all units to the Starrmole mall.”

You close the computer tabs, looking away and turning to Penelope.

“We did it my wonder girl!”

You smile as she holds her hand out for a high five, and you happily smack her hand before sitting back.

“Y’know, you would be really helpful around the office, specifically our offices?”

You look at her, shocked. Was she really recommending that you join the FBI? You couldn’t even say the word without spiraling into a tic attack.

“W-what? You... You want me to... To...”

“I think you would be great at it. You could help me out here, You don’t have to go on the field, you and I could do some serious damage together. The job pays fairly well too!”

At seeing your conflicted face, she sighs before setting a hand on your shoulder.

“Just think about it, okay?”

You nod with furrowed brows before the two of you walk out, waiting for the rest of the station to arrive.

It could be a smart Idea, working for the government instead of against it. Plus, you could do what you love again without fear of being locked up, but then again, you would have to get over looking at dead bodies everyday, you had to be ready to see them at any time.

Instead of thinking about it any longer, you direct your focus to something, or someone, else.

How the hell am I not able to read him?

You think to yourself when the image of the young Doctor fills your brain. You didn’t understand how he managed to avoid your reading, but it made you incredibly curious.

“So, what can you tell me about Dr. Reid?”

You ask Penelope with a slight blush on your cheeks. She looks at you, eyes wide and Jaw on the floor.

“Do you like him?”

You shake your head no, you had just met him! Yeah sure, maybe he was cute, but you didn’t like him like that!

“No way! Not like that! I was just confused at why I couldn’t read him! I don’t like him like that!”

“Like who like what?”

You jump in the air at the new voice, the tall Reid apologizing before sitting down across you and Penelope.

“No one! Like no one like nothing!”

You say rather aggressively, making Reid raise his hands in faux surrender, a smile plastered on his face as he laughs.

“Sorry I asked. So are you thinking of joining the Bureau?”

Your head tilts in confusion as you look at him, how the hell did he know that? As if he could hear your thoughts, he gives an answer.

“Garcia forgot to hang up, so we heard the conversation. Well I heard, everyone else shut their devices off, but I was pretty far away so I just turned around and came back.”

You and Penelope nod, but you look away.

“I’m not sure... I just... I spent my entire life running, but you guys found me, and now I’m supposed to join the forces of good and fight crime? I’m just having a difficult time deciding.”

They look at you with an understanding look, they know you’re having a difficult time with all of this, suddenly being pushed to let down all of your walls now. They knew you hated being center of attention.

Damn profilers...

You almost laugh at your thoughts, but you can’t, because the rest of the profilers and the Police just walked in with a serial killer.

“Well, you might want to choose quickly. We leave first thing in the morning. If you want to join the Bureau, I can talk to Hotch about bringing you with us on the jet, if not, we’ll arrange another jet to take you to any city you want, and you can start living there.”

Your mouth hangs open, it was already ten p.m, and you only had until morning to figure this out? Fucking perfect.

“I’ll go talk to Hotch about it. Spencer, give the girl some space to think, alright?”

The two nod at each other before walking off, Garcia going to inform Hotch and Spencer going to talk to the killer.

“This is a fucking mess.”

-

-

-

-

-

You’ve spent the entire night thinking your options over, but you were still no closer to a choice than you were four hours ago. 

The night is silent. The entire office is asleep and you’re sipping on a cup of coffee, watching the stars as your debate marches on in your brain.

“Hey.”

It’s a deep voice, Derek, he sits in a chair next to you, plopping an arm on the back of your chair.

“Can’t sleep huh?”

You chuckle.

“That’s an oversimplification. I’m just trying to decide what the hell I’m going to do. If I join you, there are so many good things that’ll come out of it, but if I don’t-”

“You aren’t joining the FBI because you’re scared. You think you’re betraying yourself. I’ll tell you right now you aren’t betraying anyone. This is a chance to help yourself. To try something new. It’s a great job believe it or not, and I think you’ll fit right in with the team. Reid, Garcia, Emily, and I already think you’re great, but if you really don’t want to, nobodies making you okay?”

You nod, tears in your eyes as Derek brings you to a realization. You never even thought of it that way, but it made complete sense. Of course you held back because you didn’t want to betray yourself, you always did everything for your past self.

“Thank you Derek...”

Reid already thinks you’re great.

A smile crawls onto your face at the friendships that could be made. Just imagining working late nights with Dr. Reid made you happy.

“Does... Does Dr. Reid really think I’m great?”

He laughs before standing up and walking away.

That didn’t answer my question...

You think to yourself before returning your gaze to the sky. It was so bright, the stars were so easily seen at night. It was gorgeous, the way that the night sky was illuminated with constellations.

The rest of the night is quiet, you let yourself forget about the debate of the FBI job and you let yourself relax, listening to the hum of quiet jazz playing on the speakers.

When the rest of the police department wakes up, the FBI profilers included, they’re saying goodbye to the team and writing in their files. 

The team walks over to where you sit, looking at the sky as you sip on coffee.

“Well, have you made a decision?”

Hotch asks, you look down and spin around to face them,  glancing at their shoes nervously before speaking.

“Well, I have decided... And my decision is that...”

-

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A/N: I gotta be honest, I didn't expect that many people to enjoy this story! Just so ya’ll know, Requests are open! If you would like to request a fic for Reid, hotch, morgan, emily, dad!rossi (No romance for rossi, sorry) or any marvel character, just go ahead and ask! Keep me busy guys!

Taglist:

@imsuperawkward @ithinkilovetruecrimetoomuch @l0ve-0f-my-life @hopebaker @spencerreidisbootiful @thatsonezesty13 @nightlygiggless @holybatflapexpert @aberrant-annie @wasabiwitteks

[shirtlesssammy]

15x15: Gimme Shelter

Then:

Dean used his words to save the world once

Now:

At a food bank community center, three teens dole out food while stressing out about one attendant who’s breaking their cleanliness rules. Connor heads over to talk to the woman, but is stopped by the center’s pastor. The pastor challenges Connor’s motivation. ”We have rules, but we also have spirit too, right?” The pastor tells Connor to lead with compassion, so Connor brings the woman food instead of kicking her out of the building. 

Later, Connor walks home. Much like all other cold open walks, this one also involves a solitary alley. He hears someone calling his name. Trying to find the source of the voice, he trips and finds a talking teddy bear, and a metal hook around his neck.

Dean and Sam discuss research. Sam’s found a non-case, while Dean’s hit the jackpot in Atlantic City. Specifically, an unexplained blackout has him thinking that Amara’s enjoying her new gambling addiction on the East Coast. 

Cas pops up and thinks he should go with the brothers, but they tell him to stay put and babysit Jack. I say TFW is just better together, but I’m not writing this episode. Hrmph. The brothers are packed and ready to go, but Jack stops them in the war room to ask about the case Sam found.

Sam tells him it’s nothing. Dean encourages Cas and Jack to investigate --to keep Jack busy. Cas seems skeptical, but Dean insists.

Agents Swift and Lovato meet with the local law enforcement to learn more about the case. Sweet Jesus is it cute that Cas continues to use pop-star names. It’s cute that Jack takes after his father with the upside down badge. It’s cute that Jack recognizes the teddy bear and says he has one (Did Cas buy it for him? He has a history of buying stuffed animals for his quasi-children.) 

The sheriff tells them about the victim, and how the word ‘Liar’ was carved into him. 

Jack posits that this all seems demonic. 

Cut to Cas digging into the ground at a crossroads. Time to get some information. Cas buries a picture of himself that Dean took when he was wearing a cowboy hat (Don’t worry, Dean still has his copy, and keeps it safe…. for reasons.) and Jack sets up a social media account. He’s WAY under 13 years old, so he needs a parent’s permission. Cas grants it easily. (Also, ALSO!! ALSO, there are NOT too many cats on the internet. This writing is so OOC, smh.) 

A demon appears. 

He’s channeling his inner Crowley, and I suddenly miss the bugger for a moment. Zach, the demon, is very bored and desperately wants something to do. He’s not really British and tells the duo that no one's making demon deals right now. Rowena’s of the philosophy that “people will end up where they belong.” Cas realizes their mistake and moves to leave.  “Sam was right, it’s not a monster,” Jack laments. “He was half right. Sometimes humans can be the worst kind of monsters,” Cas adds. 

At the community center, a woman locks up, and grabs a whole lotta cash from the donation box before she bails. Once outside, she hears a voice call her name. She looks around but sees nothing. She turns back to her car to find a masked individual. A weird editing choice cuts back to her...and commercial. 

Cas checks in with the brothers. Dean tells Cas to be wary of those “Hallelujah types” and I’m like, wha? Cas is an ANGEL OF THE LORD. He’s been around the block, Dean. Lol for looking out for your BFF, tho. Also, second awkward moment of the episode when Dean just hangs up on Cas? I’m…

Sam voices his reservations about the whole finding Amara --lying to Amara --killing Amara plan. Say it louder for the brother in the seat next to you, Sam! 

(Boris: I’m just going to insert this in the middle of this recap and never mention it again. Can we trust Billie? Is her plan actually something that is GOOD for our TFW 2.0? What is her agenda and does it align with what we want? What if what SHE wants is as equally bad as what Chuck wants? What if we as an audience are getting played right now??) (Natasha: What if the strings she’s pulling are emotional and she’s playing a dangerous game of chicken with Dean’s rage and Chuck’s entitlement?)

Jack joins the community center. He watches Dr. Sexy the pastor in a prayer circle, and talks to a disillusioned young woman who asks him to fill out a form before walking away. 

Cas walks in separately and wanders over to Dr. Sexy the pastor praying with a parishioner, and tells him about the cash stealing Valerie. She never made it home. 

Cut to Valerie tied and gagged. Her hands are in an elaborate guillotine. She wakes. Her screams are muffled. A TV turns on and flashes the word ‘Thief’. And one of her fingers gets chopped off. A timer starts on the TV. AND WE ALL RECOIL. 

Jack finishes the paperwork and tries to talk to the girls working the food line. The one girl storms off, upset. Jack follows her and tells her that he didn’t mean to upset her. 

She tells him that Connor and her dated. Well, they watched a lot of old movies together.  (AHEM! AHEM! AHEM! “I’m your Huckleberry.” AHEM. Please stop the clowning, it hurts so much.) 

Jack confesses to the girl that he lost his mother. The girl tells Jack that her mom died three years ago, and now it’s just her and her emotionally unavailable father, the pastor. “I have more dads than most, and I’m always just feeling like I’m letting all of them down.” JACK!!!! The girl tells Jack to trust God, not people. 

And we laugh, and laugh, and, guh, laugh. 

Cas, meanwhile, meets with Dr. Sexy the pastor. 

Cas interrogates Dr. Sexy Pastor about whether anyone else has gone missing recently. Well, there was one guy who used to work for the “faith-based community” but they parted ways. Cas and the pastor enjoy a little god talk. Cas, the weary angel, opines that God just doesn’t care. The pastor has a different take on faith - it’s about the people of his church doing what they can to take care of each other. We learn that this church recently changed from a fundamentalist branch to something more welcoming. Connor was able to come out as gay due to the changes, so some good happened. (Hindsight thoughts: this makes his death and the “Liar” all the more awful.) “A saint is a sinner who keeps trying,” the pastor concludes...and if that ain’t the truth about Cas!

Sam and Dean are on the too-slow train to Atlantic City when Amara drops in during a gas stop and invites them out for pierogi. 

At Patchwork, the pastor asks Jack to share his journey of faith during a prayer circle. Jack falters, and Cas steps in. “I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders. Without question. And I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond the plan. Then, of course, when it all came crashing down I found myself lost. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day something changed. Something amazing. I guess I found a family. And I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. I rediscovered who I am.” BRB crying!

Later in the cafeteria, Jack asks Sexy Pastor, M.D. how he brought together so many people with different ideas of religion. “It’s not about what they believe. It’s what they do,” he reiterates. (I imagine, for a moment, an ending where Jack calls out to the whole world and all living creatures and Heaven and Hell unite to win the final confrontation and make a better world together.)

The tranquil moment is interrupted by the TV turning on to security feed footage of the victim. The timer runs out and she loses another finger and screams and screams. Jack rushes over to the TV and pulls out a USB stick from the back.

Meanwhile, the Winchesters dine with Amara.

They bring up Chuck’s destruction of the other universes and tell her they have a plan to stop him. They’ve got a nephilim on their side AND he’s super powerful. All they need is for Amara to help them trap Chuck and...WHAMMO. Amara gently refuses to betray her brother. She lays some new mythology on them. She and Chuck are twins - creation and destruction - and their splitting apart first brought life into the world. 

Cas and Jack barge into the church’s ex-AV tech’s room. And by that, I mean, Jack gets hurled through another door? Um. Okay. The part of me that grew up with 3 Stooges is HERE FOR IT, tbh. 

They discover the guy is dead, chained up in bed with cuffs, with the word “lust” painted above him.

Getting ready to leave town, Sam’s ready to accept Amara’s choice. Dean “Fuck Acceptance” Winchester heads back inside and corners Amara. He asks why she brought back Mary. 

Amara tells him that she wanted him to see that the apple pie dream life he’s always striving for isn’t real - that Mary was only human - and BETTER because of that. Amara thought that would help him to accept his life. Amara also thought that having Mary back would release Dean from his anger. 

He leans forward and lets her know that he’s furious. Everyone in this universe is trapped, he tells her - including her. And she’s doing nothing. Amara falters in the face of this, and then asks him if she can trust him. “I would never hurt you,” he LIES TO HER FACE. She tells him she’ll think about it.

That evening Sylvia, the pastor’s daughter, listens to her friend gush over the social media attention she’s getting after posting about the torture video. In a flash of rage, Sylvia stabs her friend and races away. Dr. Sexy Pastor finds the current (still alive) victim just as Sylvia catches up to him. She accuses him of laughing at her mother after her mother died from trying to heal by prayer rather than medical science. She accuses him of changing the church that her mother grew up in. Jack jumps into the fray and gets stabbed for his trouble. When Cas arrives, Sylvia is quickly subdued by his Vulcan forehead tap of slumber.

Cas yanks away the restraints from the victim (SOOOO strong) and then heals her fingers back on while the pastor looks on in wonder. 

For So Strong Science:

Later, they gather outside while Sylvia gets taken away in cuffs. The pastor still cares about his daughter and vows to get her help. The driver of the car is Zach the crossroads demon? Oookay. 

Cas and Jack drive home. In the truck of feelings, Cas asks Jack why he couldn’t share during the prayer circle. Jack confesses that he’s been lying. The spell Billie is doing with him is turning him into a bomb to be used against Chuck and Amara. It’ll work - they’ll cease to exist. But Jack will be obliterated too. “This is the only way they’ll ever forgive me,” he tells Cas. 

Cas is horrified. He can’t watch Jack die again! Cas refuses to watch Jack die again, but Jack seems to have fully embraced this as his necessary fate.

Back at the bunker, Dean heads for the whiskey bottle late at night when he spots Cas shuffling towards the exit. Jack’s settled in his room, Cas reports. Cas then tells Dean he’s going to look for “another way.” 

Oh AND, “In case something goes wrong and I don’t make it back, there’s something you and Sam need to know…” 

FADE. TO. BLACK.  

The Se7en Deadly Quotes:

You guys go Highway to Heaven that bitch

You look greener than Baby Yoda

“Did anyone find any tiny bags with chicken bones inside?” “Did anyone smell sulfur?” “Did anyone feel cold?”

There were too many cats

Where can I find the Kool-Aid?

I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person

It was a gift, Dean. Not a trial

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[lovelyirony]

hello my sweet jess, i have a prompt for u: hallelujah by haim reminds me so much of platonic tony, rhodey, and pepper, so if u can, maybe write something based off of that??

Mr. Potts was not supposed to get a job promotion. Which was actually fine. He and his family’s life would have been the same, mundane sort of life that many people’s were. 

But the personal assistant to Mr. Potts’ boss knew that Mr. Potts brought two bagels from home every day and gave one to over-worked, underpaid intern on the second floor. 

So she moved his application to the very top and highly suggested his position be moved up. 

With a job promotion comes a transfer in location. Mr. Potts tells his wife and his daughter that they will be moving to New York. 

Pepper’s upset about that, kind of. She doesn’t want to leave Ana but none of her classmates like her anyways, and it could be nice to go to New York. Besides, this means that she gets a new (hopefully bigger) room, and could maybe even swing a cat if she plays her cards right. 

Rhodey was not supposed to be in New York either. But his mama was offered an option to help launch a business and this was her dream. He wasn’t going to fault her for that, and neither was dad. Besides, dad could transfer over in the company he was in, and Rhodey supposed he would get used to it. 

Pepper and Rhodey apply to a high school that is known for excellent academics, rich students, and the occasional scandal. Pepper is focused on taking more business-centered classes while Rhodey wants to see if there’s any engineering classes. 

They both get in. It’s unsurprising, really. Both are smart, young kids who have a bright future ahead of them. 

Tony Stark gets in as well. That’s sort of a given because his dad has made enough money to bail out the American economy and he’s already known for being smart. 

This doesn’t mean he’s particularly jazzed about it. 

People who hate him or people who want something from him, and then the people that are a little mix of both. 

Just classic. 

Pepper is too focused on her outfit at the moment. She knows that this is stupid, really, because she’s not going to go down to some fancy place like Saks Fifth Avenue to find all the trendy clothes, nor is she going to even attempt to give a shit if anyone remarks something catty. 

But she’s trying to make sure that she at least looks decent. 

Rhodey’s struggling in the stiff, new pants that his mother bought and the button-down shirt that really seems too much. 

They all sit together for orientation. Pepper’s not paying much attention to the fact that the richest kid in America is right next to her and trying to draw a picture of a robot on their schedule for the day. It vaguely registers in her mind, but she’s really trying to listen to the class expectations. 

Rhodey knows full and well who he’s sitting by and says hi. 

“Hi,” Tony says warily. “I’m...Tony.” 

“Rhodey. You think this presentation is as stupid as I do?” 

“God yes,” Tony whispers. 

“What are you working on?” 

“New robot,” Tony answers automatically. “Got some new ideas for arm fixtures, I just need to figure out how to make it bend more. I’m trying to model it after human anatomy, but my textbook hasn’t come in yet.” 

“You need to move that over to the right,” Rhodey says, pointing to a rough-sketched line. “Normal muscle doesn’t move like that.” 

Pepper looks over at them. 

“What are you here for?” Rhodey asks. “I’m looking at their engineering classes.” 

“Business,” Pepper says. “My name is Virginia. I really want to be a CEO.” 

“Cool,” Tony says, smiling. 

He doesn’t judge. Doesn’t tell her anything. Just says “cool.” And she’s not sure why that means so much, but it does. 

“Please tell me we all have lunch together,” Tony pleads as they exit the auditorium. “I really don’t wanna be stuck with other people.” 

Miracle of miracles, they compare schedules and realize they’re all in the same lunch and their last class of the day is the same: English. 

Tony’s surprised that he’s made friends. Especially with two people. He’s really not quite sure what to do other than be nervous. 

(Jarvis chokes on his biscotti. The most put-together man choked on his biscuit. Tony’s beyond nervous.) 

Rhodey casually mentions that he has a new friend named Tony. His father accidentally drops the soup tureen and now has to go to Macy’s to buy his mama a new one. 

“You better not treat him any differently,” mama scolds. “And be on your best behavior.” 

“Aren’t I always?” 

She smacks him over the head and mutters something about “not raising a damned fool, that’s what.” 

Pepper mentions nothing to her parents because they’re demanding question after question and she knows that they think that she hasn’t seen the three different psychology books about “helping your child adjust.” 

“Things are fine,” she says, picking at her chicken. “I have some people I’ve talked to.” 

-

The three have no idea what’s going to happen with all three of them. 

They do not know that they’re going to bond over a particularly disgusting textbook that’s in the back of the English classroom, or that they all will come to hate the song “Material Girl.” 

Rhodey has no idea that these two will be his best friends for life. Tony with his confident smile and infectious personality, Pepper with her calculated decisions and soft smiles. 

Tony doesn’t know how much he will depend on Pepper and Rhodey for love and support, how much he will stay at their house and plan out the apartment they get in college. 

(Of course, after they convince Pepper’s parents that things are going to be fine.) 

Pepper has no idea that yes, she will be putting that nickname on business cards. She will be accused of being CEO because Tony thinks she’s pretty. She will also laugh to herself when she remembers when she told herself that maybe she would move on from interning at SI. 

They become closer through sleepovers and shared burgers and agonizing over how much to tip when at one point Tony lost his credit card and they only have Pepper’s twelve-dollar ring and three nickels from Rhodey’s back pocket. 

Through tears and yelling and arguments that lasted for far too long. Through the hugs and kisses that came later, and through the giggles at anyone’s new partner. 

Life was not supposed to happen the way it did. It drastically alters everything that’s going to happen. 

(Rhodey and Pepper find out about Iron Man and realize what that means months earlier. 

They also suit up way earlier because of it.) 

They’re a family. And they won’t let go of each other, not for anything in the world. 

[jordaniacaridad]

Rose and Vanilla

Chapter One

Hello Lovelies! this is actually my first fic ever, so please be kind yet I will appreciate any constructive criticism! 

Rating is M

Short Summary : Eva’s life was in shambles, her sister sends her to la push to stay with their brother Sam. Will the possibility of love help her repair her life?

Rated mature for language and possible fluffy lemons/smut in the future. Note: this is all post Breaking Dawn & AU just so there isn’t any confusion about the time line. Oh and Embry has long hair and the whole having to cut their hair is lame because look at this bby with long hair ♥️

Here is a list of songs that I was listening to while writing.

Hallelujah - Brandi Carlile Eres - Cafe Tacvba Latch (Acoustic) - Sam Smith  Mid Air - Paul Buchanan 

there’s more than just those but it would take me forever to write them down, these 4 set the tone for this chapter. 

Chapter 1 

Embry’s POV 

                                                                                                          Hallelujah 

I enjoyed running at night; The way I led my body through the darkness of the forest with nothing but my senses. 

I relished in the sound of the leaves under the pressure of my legs and how my muscles would contract each time my paws hit the damp earth. 

I loved my wolf form, the only nuisance was the shared pack mind. Having to hear all the guys that have imprinted constantly drone on about their imprintees irritates me. 

I've gone to almost every measure to try to imprint; that's why I spend most of my time in my wolf form. I've given up. 

While on my nightly patrol I let aimless thoughts float through my head of what she could possibly be like. 

"Embry, she will come to you just be patient" Jared interrupted. 

I groaned at the thought of when that would happen, which seemed like never.

 "I want to know what she will be like, and it's the only way I can block out your thoughts about Kim.” Answering in irritation. 

 For the next hour we ran in silence until we neared Sams’ house, that’s when I caught on to a new scent. Rose and Vanilla. It rolled down from the clearing and into the forest, and dear god was it intoxicating. 

I followed the scent feeling almost drunk by its deliciousness until I realized just how close I had gotten to the house. Jared spoke to me the second he saw where I was.

 “Sam's little sister got here today, she doesn't know about us and Sam intends to keep it that way, keep your distance.” 

I ignored Jared and kept following her scent to the clearing that held the cottage styled home.

And there she was, like a hallelujah on the lips of a forgiven sinner and the center of a world that was unchanged yet altogether new. She stood in the window unaware of my presence and for the briefest of moments the moon escaped the haze of night; iridescent silver light shone on her ethereal face and in that instant I felt it. 

The world fell away and the only thing that held me in place was her, I didn't even know her name and yet she held me there with a force that one could not even begin to explain. 

I sat there for an indescribable amount of time almost not noticing Jared phase from his wolf form, oh so kindly giving me a moment to assimilate what just occurred. I watched her move around her room as she unpacked, bilssfully unaware of the impact she made on my world. 

When she finished setting up her room she returned to the window with a steaming mug in hand and scanned the tree line. That's when her eyes met mine. 

“Fuck, Sam is going to kill me’’ 

My heart stopped and hers accelerated, the look of recognition heavy in her eyes. Curiosity furrowed her brows as she set her mug down with deliberate determination, opened her window, swiftly climbed out, and cautiously made her way towards the edge of the clearing. 

Before she could get too close I ran, in that instant a new sensation befell upon me; a dull deep pitted pain. God this girl was obscenely brave, the sheer fact that she did not fear me filled my wolf with a heady mix of pride and worry.

As I ran, Jared phased again so we could finish our patrol; he saw and felt everything that had transpired, the realization dawned on the both of us that I was royally fucked. 

“What are you going to do?! Not only is that Sam's LITTLE SISTER, but she saw you and tried to approach you IN FUCKING WOLF FORM!’’ 

“Can you just SHUT UP Jared!”

I snapped and bared my teeth at him as a growl escaped my snout, this was going to be a lot more complicated than I had anticipated.

A week had passed and I hadn't seen her since. I had started going on patrol with only Jared trying my best to keep him from revealing what had happened that night. And also avoiding the rest of the pack; especially Sam. Though my efforts wouldn’t stop the inevitable, tonight there was going to be a bonfire and without a doubt I knew she was going to be there. 

It was late afternoon, I had just woken up having been up all night on patrol. I layed in bed thinking about her, that glorious night and about how not being around her caused me a great amount of pain. A loud voice boomed through my small home, it was Sam. Shit. I forgot to lock my front door last night. 

“Embry, get up we need to talk”

Fuck Fuck Fuck. I quickly pulled on a pair of shorts and made my way to my living room. Sam made himself at home sitting on the edge of my small couch, his elbows on his knees with his fingers laced together looking at them in a concerned manner. I sat in the chair across from him. 

“Hey Sam...whats up?”

“Dont act stupid, I know Embry’’

“You know what?’’

“Do I really have to spell it out for you? I know you imprinted on my sister Eva and I know she tried to approach you… While you were in wolf form.”

My palms were sweaty and my body felt hotter than usual, I was going to kill Jared. 

“I…”

The look on my face must have been of shock and fear because Sams face softened when he finally looked up. 

“Relax embry, I'm not going to kill you; its ok. Just don't tell her about us yet and take it slow, she took our parents death a lot harder than Kira and I...and I just don't want to overwhelm her.”

“why can’t I tell her? I do not want to overwhelm her but her being my imprintee means she should understand right. I thought that's how this worked?”

In the moment it took me to blink the alpha of our pack made an appearance. 

“Just don't tell her yet Embry, that's an order do you understand me.”

My wolf cowered at the sound of our alpha and all I could do was nod as Sam made his way over to my front door. And just like that he was Sam again. 

“Please I beg you don’t be late to the bonfire tonight, she's been dying to meet the guy who painted the mural in her room. You could have met her sooner but you just HAD to disappear.”

My face was aflame, giddy embarrassment spread its fire from my cheeks up to the tips of my ears. Sam left with a smirk on his face, leaving me dumbstruck in my own living room for what seemed like an eternity; my wolf repeating only one name. Eva. 

Eva. Eva. Eva. 

While in the shower my wolf paced while repeating her name. Eva. I stood under the spray of water emanating from the shower head, letting the heat of the water soothe my sore muscles. Feral Images of Eva flooded my senses, the sight of her in the many ways I wanted her made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I fought my wolf for as long as I could but the thought of her here with me broke down my defenses and caused a shiver to run down my spine despite the hot water. Before I knew it my hand found its way to the base of my erection, I braced myself against the wall in front of me with my free hand. I gently squeezed with a firmness that caused the slightest moan to escape my lips, an image of her hand replaced the presence of my own and I shuddered at the sensation. Her movements were both smooth and long yet they consumed me with a ferocity that left me panting, she gripped me tighter and that was my undoing.

 I came with a force that I didn't expect, I yet again shuddered as her name escaped my lips. I finally let go and fully braced myself against the wall with both hands, I dropped my head low into the spray and let the water wash away the shame from my earlier actions. With a deep breath I mentally prepared myself to meet her, from the moment I saw her she consumed me and I knew already that I was irrevocably in love. 

 “Well well well, look who decided to join the rest of society!” Jared teased as I made my way onto first beach. I glared at him flipping him the bird, still pissed at the fact that he told Sam. 

I nodded hello towards Sam and Paul who were collecting wood for the fire and went and hugged the girls who were unpacking hoards of food; They all smiled at me in such a peculiar way that made me wonder if they too knew my not so little secret.  

As the evening went on an uneasy feeling settled in my stomach, I mostly kept to myself as to not reveal the anxiety that wracked my body. I walked over to the edge of the beach, pulled off my shoes, and put my bare feet in the cool water. I let the cool waves chill the nervous thoughts that overtook my brain. 

 As I stood there taking in deep breaths a familiar scent engulfed my senses.  I took another deep breath, letting the scent of Rose and Vanilla consume me. 

My heart accelerated and I tried my best to compose myself as I turned towards the inebriating scent. There she stood, her face eminanting warm light as she smiled at Seth while he spoke to her. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and my wolf growled in jealousy. Mine. I looked over at Jared and Kim for reassurance; Jared as subtle as ever gave me two giant thumbs up coaxing a giggle from Kim which she tried to stifle. 

I walked towards Eva with leisure and took in how unbelievably beautiful she was. The haze of twilight covered her tanned olive skin in an almost incandescent glow; creamy waves of milk chocolate tresses crashed exquisitely around her angelic face. Soft languid pools of caramel locked onto me so fiercely that it sent a chill up my spine, and in that moment I was thankful for the cool weather. 

When I finally reached where she and Seth were standing, I shot Seth a glare that made his eyes go wide and as if to follow my unspoken command went to go get food.  

“Hello, I’m Embry” I croaked out, mentally berating myself for being anything less than cool. 

As I cleared my throat I extended my hand in greeting; the soft touch of her cool skin sent a wave of electricity through my body. Her eyes widened at the sensation confirming that she too had felt it, still holding on to my hand her plump lips spread into that same exquisite smile she gave Seth. 

With each thump of my heart my wolf paced in unison. Mine. Mine. Mine.

“Hi, I'm Eva. It's nice to finally meet you.”

Her voice was just as heavenly as the rest of her.  

When she let go of my hand the familiar sting of emptiness became prominent and a light sadness spread through my chest. 

“So” she teased, lightly biting her lower lip “You’re the one who painted that mural in my room.” 

I rocked back on my heels and looked down at my feet as a fire spread to my cheeks.  

“Ah, haha yeah I… I am.” 

I looked back up and she was staring at me, a playful grin on her sweet lips with a curiosity in her eyes that made the fire on my cheeks spread to my ears. That grin quickly turned into a smile that made me forget who I was, the little giggle that followed awakened an urge that I tried to stifle earlier today. I had to control myself, though my wolf knew that eventually he would make her his.  

Mine. 

“I love it, it’s absolutely beautiful. I was starting to wonder when I was going to meet you, Emily and Sam speak very highly of you”

Her sweet confession filled my wolf and I with pride.

 Eva turned and slowly made her way towards the edge of the beach, she slightly turned her head to signal me to come and I obediently followed. She stopped right where the water and sand collided, and sat down on a dried log that the waves washed ashore many years ago. 

Eva proceeded to look up at me with a lightness in her eyes that implored me to sit with her, that all consuming gaze tugged at me until I was planted right next to her. As I turned to face her my knee slightly brushed hers which caused a familiar current to shoot through us like lighting; We both jumped at the exhilarating sensation. After a moment of being shell shocked I finally spoke up, my voice cutting through the energy buzzing between us. 

“So how do you like La Push so far?” 

I inquired with obvious interest. 

“it's so different compared to Houston, kind of a shock to the system to be honest. I like it though, the change is more than welcomed.” 

I nodded in response, I studied her gaze; the same light of curiosity I saw only a week ago beamed through her eyes as she spoke. 

“I'm sorry I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere, I know we just met but you look so familiar.”

Realization dawned on me. The clearing, she saw me in wolf form at the entrance of the clearing. 

“Umm...nnno, I..I guess I just have one of those faces. Heh.’’

Disappointment fell into a shadow underneath her eyelashes, the look of almost sadness squeezed at my heart. Knowing that her intuition was spot on killed me even more.  We spoke for quite some time, I learned that she was infatuated with books, that her favorite beverage was Rose tea with a hint of Vanilla, and that cinnamon rolls were the perfect cure for any and all ailments. She is perfection personified. Quite some time had passed when we noticed that everyone had started to pack up their things to leave, I stood up and gave her my hand to help pull her to her feet. As she placed her hand in mine, for the third time that day electricity sparked through us; I wasn't ready to let her go. 

“May I walk you home?”

She beamed at me and nodded yes in response, I led her to a dimly lit path that I knew would slowly take us to Sam's house. We walked in silence enjoying the electric current that would burst between our hands as they brushed up against each other. The attraction between was inexcusably palpable, we were like two magnets on the verge of collision. 

The small cottage home came into view and my heart ached at the fact that I would have to leave her side. We made our way up the path that led to the back porch, I turned to face her and noticed a sadness taking hold of her which only made my heart ache even more. She wasn't ready to go and I wasn’t ready to let her. 

A cool breeze pushed through us causing her to shiver which gave me an excuse to inch closer to warm up the small space around us. A strand of hair billowed towards the center of her face and before I could stop myself I found my forefinger tracing the bridge of her petite nose.

I bore my soul to her with just one look, I told her the story of my people and the love I held for her as I slowly pushed the stray strand across her cheek and placed it behind her ear; With my thumb I traced the edge of her jaw until I reached the tip of her chin. I looked down and found her bottom lip which she ever so lightly bit and with a slight tug I set it free. 

My eyes worked their way back up her face, committing to memory each delicate feature; finally reaching the destination that were her eyes. They bore into me intensely, melted and spilling anguished longing into every pore of my being.  

I placed my free hand on the small of her back and closed the little space that was left between us. I slid the hand that rested on her chin to the back of her neck and slowly guided her lips to mine. When at last we collided every doubt I had about today melted away; She wanted me just as I wanted her.  

Her lips were soft, supple and full of desire, I pulled her lush lip in between my teeth causing a soft moan to escape her. In that moment my wolf took claim, her want for me drove him mad; her body, soft and sweet, gave no resistance as I pushed her up against the wall. Our tongues danced to an unheard melody while her hands tugged at my hair. In that instant she woke a beast that only she could control, a beast that wouldn't be able to stop if given permission. I wanted more than what I could take and with that realization I reluctantly pulled away. Our chests heaved in unison taking in the air that we had deprived ourselves, bodies still intertwined not wanting to break contact; the heat almost too unbearable to live without. 

“I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to…” 

My voice trailed off, I couldn’t find the words in between my breaths. 

“You’re sorry you kissed me?’’

Her voice was heavy and sad, I broke our contact and placed my hands on either side of her head. I told her again with just one look what she meant to me.  

“I will never be sorry for kissing you, I'm just sorry if it was too much”

“No, never.”

She placed her small hand on my cheek, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She was intoxicating and if I didn't leave now I never would. I placed my hand over hers and pulled it to my lips, the scent of her favorite tea heavy on her fingers. I opened my eyes to a sad smile, she knew it was time for me to leave.

“Will I see you tomorrow?”

“If that's what you want then yes; I will be wherever, whenever you want me there…”

She gave a slight nod to her head, confirming that she indeed did want to see me again. With that I pulled her into me and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. 

“Good night my Eva.”

[felicityb-reviews]

Kim Jonghyun - Feature Spotlight

Hello, babies!! My name is Jace (aka Felicity B), and welcome to the debut Feature Spotlight (aka your January surprise)!! Today we will counting down some of my favorite songs by the one, the only - Kim Jonghyun. Jonghyun is someone who was important to me, because he was somebody who fought tooth and nail to be happy and himself. And that's so important to someone like myself, because I have depression. It's actually the reason I created this blog - if I could keep myself occupied, doing something I love (talking about myself), then maybe the bad days won't seem so bad. Sometimes it's a fight for me to hold myself together, so seeing someone like Jonghyun, who was very open about the state of his mental health, throw his everything into being happy and free inspired me to do the same.

I figured if there's one thing I can do to honour him, it's to keep his memory alive through his music. And so that's what we're going to be doing for the month of January!! Today's Feature Spotlight will be drawing from Jonghyun's solo material, but the next three weeks will be dedicated to SHINee's discography. The next two Friday's will be lists featuring music from SHINee's Korean discography, and the final week will be music from their Japanese discography. I can't wait!!

Before we begin, we are some rules (I guess) I used to create this playlist -

The order is nothing special, sis; I don't like ranking songs, it feels Wrong™.

No feature tracks /Edna Mode Voice. Anything that has a music video AND was promoted on daily music shows is disqualified. These lists are for spotlighting b sides and music casual fans might have skipped over.

These lists aren't meant to a "The Best of". They're just a collection of songs I happen to like a lot, and think other people should list to, as well. Please do not get hung up on your favorites not being here, this is just my opinion, baby.

So now that we got all the rules out of the way (watch someone try me on this bullshit), let's begin with...

Hallelujah (BASE)

Hallelujah is a song that feels like it lives and breathes. No one created and arranged song to be what it is, it spawned into being the way it is. And boy is it an experience. The arrangement is sparse, but that's okay - it makes you pay attention to the few elements that are there. It's just an amazing listening experience, sis.

Inspiration (SM STATION)

Inspiration is about sex. Straight up. This song sounds like what I'd expect a filthy and rough fucking to feel like. But beyond that, this song is interesting because, despite how musically uncomplex it is, it sounds like there's way more going on than there actually is. Sometimes listening to Inspiration is like listening to a Hitchhiker song; idk if that was Jjong's intention, but I like it.

AURORA (She Is...)

AURORA is another one that sounds like sex, but it's quite the opposite of Inspiration. Where Inspiration is rough, AURORA is soft. Where Inspiration feels like pure need, AURORA feels like a soft want. Yes, that's cheesy af, but it gets my point across. AURORA feels like coming home to bae and relaxing into the sex cause y'all can. A brilliant track, if I do say so myself.

(And just so y'all don't get it twisted, Kim Jonghyun is the Kpop King of Funk; I will entertain no one else in this position.)

Suit Up (She Is...)

Oh look, another song about sex!! What can I say, songs about sex are great. Especially, Suit Up. Suit Up trades in the Funk elements of AURORA for a soft RnB back drop that is oh so effective. Suit Up is the Ultimate™ in soft sex songs (it's literally about having sex for the first time as a married couple). If we aren't dancing to this at my wedding, know I've been kidnapped and replaced by aliens.

Wouldn’t It Be Like That? (Fine) (The Collection ~Story Op. 1~)

First of all, that title is extra as all hell. But I'd expect nothing less from Kim "King Of The Drama Gays" Jonghyun. Secondly, this is a very straight forward acoustic RnB song. But that's what I like about it - it's no muss, no fuss. Jonghyun is extra as all hell (as all the members of SHINee are), but he knows when to scale it back. And he does so very nicely here.

Orbit (She Is...)

Orbit is (surprise, surprise) another Funk song. And, for those of you who remember the She Is... teasers, the first of the songs we heard. Not quite what we were expecting with its left of center arrangement, but then again, that teaser was just weird as hell. Anyway, underneath Orbit's quirky arrangement lies a very standard Funk song. But as was the case with Fine, I am very much okay with that. Orbit gives me happy brain tingles.

Love Belt (featuring Younha) (BASE)

Oh Love Belt... you make me happy brain tingle so hard. If Jjong had elected to go for a more bombastic arrangement for this song, it would have gone completely wrong. This is a love song that plays fast and loose with it's major elements. But thankfully, Jonghyun decided to scale it back (notice a trend here), and let the vocals shine. And speaking of vocals, how you doin' Miss Younha?!?!?!? Such a lovely addition to song. In fact, I'd say her voice goes with it better than Jjong's, but I'm not trynna fight with Blingers today.

No, ma'amsir!!!

Just Chill ( The Collection ~Story Op. 2~)

In case y'all haven't clockt my boring ass, I quite like what I love to call Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempos. They're pretty self explanatory - RnB songs you could listen to at a coffee shop. If you can't quite place the sound (even after listening to this list), just wait for Spring; you'll be bombarded with them. Anyway, I say all that to say that Just Chill is an excellently written Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo. There's just a lil Funk thrown in their to keep your ears interested as the rest of you blisses out to the pure happiness of the track. It's just so good, sis.

Déjà-Boo (featuring Zion.T) (BASE)

THE KPOP KING OF FUNK MEETS THE K-RNB KING OF FUNK!!! FUCK Y E S!!!

Deja Boo is a song I was not fond of, at first. I thought Jjong and Zion.T sounded really awkward together, but (obviously) the song has grown on me quite a bit. It's just a really cute and endearing song by two very cute and endearing people.

02:34 ( The Collection ~Story Op. 1~)

02:34 has a few false starts (for lack of a better phrase), before she actually gets going. First, you think she's gonna be a ballad; then, you think you're getting a Funky uptempo; and finally, it resolves into an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo. You'd think Jonghyun was playing basketball with hard he jooks us with that intro, sis. But I digress. 02:34 is a nice RnB midtempo with a touch of melancholy to it that keeps it interesting.

I’m Sorry ( The Collection ~Story Op. 1~)

Oh look, a ballad. How quaint. You'd have thought the hardest part about doing this list would've been the uptempos, but it was actually the ballads that got me. Jonghyun has some very arresting ballads in his corner. Take I'm Sorry, for example. It's got the piano and strings that you'd expect from a song like this, but he throws out the classical ballad formula to do his own thing. And instead of using this as an excuse to show off his vocal prowess (we know that Kim Jonghyun can blow), he gives us a very breathy delivery that relays the emotion of the lyrics effectively.

Blinking Game ( The Collection ~Story Op. 2~)

Blinking Game is, in many ways, a spiritual successor to Happy Birthday (a song that features on the first Story Op album that I was unable to fit on this list, but a very lovely song, nonetheless). They're both caberet songs - downtempo little ditties I can see Jonghyun performing in a club for his boo thang. He's sat at a piano with a band playing behind him, and he's got this content little smile on his face. A lovely image. But back to Blinking Game. Despite not feeling like a ballad, it's got the pulse of one; it doesn't have anywhere urgant to go, sis. I'd say it meanders in a circle, like a slow dance, till it ends. A really nice song to relax to.

Elevator ( The Collection ~Story Op. 2~)

Listen to the first 10 seconds of this song, and you'll realize why this song is on this list. Idk if this is a standard diatonic progression or modal (my theory is not that good), but that progression makes my brain happy tingle like mad cray, fam. And then when Jonghyun sings... GIRL, WHEN HE SINGS OVER IT!!! It feels like I've disintegrated into a mass of star dust. God, this song is just so GOOD!!! I said that Jonghyun has some arresting ballads in his collection, but this one takes the cake, guys. I simply lack the words to fully describe the feeling this song invokes in me.

And that's it, guys!! Don't forget to tune back in on Wednesday at 6pm EST for my debut Review Roundup, featuring new songs from this week; and the first part of the SHINee Feature Spotlight on Friday at 6pm!! I hope you all have a lovely night (or morning if you happen to reading from, idk... Japan!!)!!

And he's the songs in a playlist, in case you wanna listen to the songs as you read my blathering. Love, you guys!!

[ge-anne]

Surrender: My faith journey in 20 seconds... (and a few hundred words)

Surrender

“Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness. And all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33 

I was 11 years old at Camp Joy near Chattanooga, TN. There was a talent contest on Thursdays during the weeklong camp and I watched as giggly girls grouped up to take their turns on stage and sing or show off whatever talents they chose. Looking back, it was the first time I can say I felt truly influenced by the Holy Spirit to move past my comfort zone. 

Group after group went up on stage and sang, but it was difficult for them to render a song well as this was an impromptu event. No one had rehearsed. I felt embarrassed when the groups or duos would fall out of tune or when the timing would get “off” or when someone forgot the words. In my head, I knew that if some of these girls would just step out from the group and sing solo, they would sound so much better and as each song ended, I felt the desire to tell them (to “warn” them might be a better way to put it) that things would go better if they would just sing alone. Finally, I figured that the best way to do this would be to SHOW them and I joined the line. 

My hands were sweaty and I felt nervous as I waited in line. At one point, my cheeks burned with embarrassment as I heard one of the girls sitting on the floor of that pavilion whispering “That poor girl has to sing all by herself!” as she pointed and gave me a look of pity. I wasn’t trying to show off; rather, I truly thought that this like a show and tell mission. If they saw how much “cleaner” a song would sound with only one voice, then maybe that would save them from being embarrassed when a fellow singer in the group was off-key, forgot the words, etc.

Finally, it was my turn and I walked to the middle of the stage, took a deep breath and sang the first line:

Seek ye first, the Kingdom of God

(The pavilion fell silent. All eyes were on me and no one was talking. I thought, “Either I sound good or this is so horrible, they are speechless.” and I hoped it was the former.)

And His righteousness.

(A couple of girls pointed and I heard one remark, “She sounds like a grownup!” My shoulders relaxed and I continued to push through the next phrase...

And all these things shall be added unto you.  Hallelu, Hallelujah.

As I held out the last beat of that final syllable, thunderous applause broke out and then one of the girls stood, still clapping. Then a few more...and then a few more after that.

My first solo received a standing ovation. 

But I was puzzled...I didn’t know I was “a singer” and I hadn’t intended to be a competitor...just a teacher of this truth: sometimes you have to step out alone.

The Lord started a work in me that day that had little to do with music and it’s only now that I see the picture start to take shape.

Now He’s speaking again and the message is just as urgent, but this time it’s about what he demands of me. 

There’s a term I have just started noticing being used by other believers about how God “wrecks” us sometimes. I really didn’t connect with that until these past weeks…

Our church is doing a study, written by Carolyn C. Moore called Encounter the Spirit. The study is probably my favorite so far because of the way she teaches participants to journal, re-read and reflect, and truly set aside moments to encounter God in a directed way. As a longtime member of various “Baptist” congregations, I have never really been schooled as much in the “listening” aspect of prayer as the petitioning part. I knew how to talk TO God, but not as much how to converse “with” Him. Listening, intentional listening is fairly new to my faith practice.

As I have reflected on my time as a believer, I have always felt somewhat aloof. I feel this way in most settings, but the feeling is strongest in the various church settings. I am not one to follow easily and I question most things I am told to believe. People watching is something I do without thinking and, from a very young age, I notice the spirit of individuals much more than their physical aspects. For example, I almost never remember what someone wore during a conversation or encounter, but I will almost always have an impression of how they “felt” to me. That is, did they seem happy or sad, reflective or guarded, etc. There have been times that I get such a negative feeling about a person that I literally have asked God for forgiveness for those feelings, only to find out later that they were justified. This has happened enough that I usually trust my “gut feelings” about those individuals.

But this feeling of being on the outside looking in has persisted. Though I find it easy to make friends and talk to people, there are few with whom I truly connect and invariably those people eventually admit that they also feel somewhat different or removed. I think of most of these people as “seekers” and connect deeply with some of them. 

The Bible states in James 4:7-10 that if we draw near the Lord, He will draw near to us. Despite these feelings of being slightly left of center with the faith communities I have walked in, I have always believed this verse and the desire of my heart, though dimmed at times when I have willfully rebelled against God, or simply ran from His presence, has been this prayer: 

God, draw near to me. Draw me close to you and show me that You see and care for me. Not as part of a group or community, but for me, the mess of a person that I am. Show me that You know me and seek to be in a relationship with me. Teach me to hear Your voice, to feel Your presence. Shine Your light through me to others, so that they too may know You and feel you in this way that I am asking.

The Holy Spirit has been speaking to me. To me, specifically. What He’s requesting is tough. Really tough. He’s asking me to walk through past hurts and dysfunctions and to open up those wounds to let Him heal me. And so much like the poor boy, Billy, in The Polar Express, I am holding on so tightly to my package of grief. I am scared to death of what is going to happen when I finally let go. 

At the same time, I want to let go. 

I need to. I must. 

He has revealed to me the “cost” of following Him. 

All of my pretensions and facade have to be laid aside. But, for me, they are protection and cover. They mask the hurt and the “mess” that is me. I don’t know if I can stand alone on this stage. I’m pretty sure there won’t be a standing ovation for this one. More like stunned silence. If you really knew me, you wouldn’t like me.*I* don’t like me. And yet, this is the Gospel. This is the cost -- that we lay down our lives and follow Him, embracing the new creation He creates in us and turning away from who we once were. What I thought was a one-time event I now see is a lifelong and continual process.

I sought Him today. In wrecking sobs and in broken-voiced lyrics. I cried out to God from the very depths of my soul. I listened to Him. I heard Him as He spoke and showed me a glimpse of what He wants to teach me. Carolyn said that there are people who are standing at the edge of the river, looking into its depths and are on the verge of jumping in.

Pray that I do just that. 

[teachenglishin0]

5 Huge Mistakes My First Year Teaching English in China

Below are the 5 biggest mistakes that I made when I first went to teach English in China. I’m sharing them so you can learn from them without going through the pain and frustration that I went through. Don’t do what I did! 1. I hung out mainly with foreigners. I was so freaked out by the foreign culture of China and the Chinese language barrier, I initially hung out almost exclusively with other foreigners. Other foreign teachers from my school and I would go out on our days off and invariably at least one person would start complaining and start saying sentences that started with, “In the US we” or “In Australia we.” I could be having a great day but after listening to my fellow teachers moan about how backward China was, I started feeling negative too. Luckily, after my first month, I decided to be more outgoing with the Chinese people around me and that changed everything. I got invited to people’s homes and parties and was treated like a celebrity just because I spoke English. People were so nice to me. I still only spoke a little bit of Chinese but when I saw how excited they were about the effort I was making with their language, I got even more motivated to learn Chinese and I began to pick it up faster. I started asking my more fluent English-speaking Chinese friends about their culture and why they did what they did. Turns out that some of the things they do differently from foreigners really make sense! Below are the 5 biggest mistakes that I made when I first went to teach English in China. I’m sharing them so you can learn from them without going through the pain and frustration that I went through. Don’t do what I did! 2. I didn’t ask for help. I worried that requesting help from other teachers would annoy them and make me look stupid. Moreover, I definitely didn’t want to ask my administrators for help for fear that they’d decide they made a bad decision hiring me, and then logically, they’d fire me. Because of this, I spent my first 2 months teaching in China wandering around like a dork. I probably taught about as effectively as a dork too. If you want help, ASK! Your coworkers will almost always be understanding and helpful toward first-year teachers, but if that turns out to not be the case, realize how important this is to your and students’ success, and ask them anyways. Some teachers are lucky enough to have access to free ongoing teaching help from their TEFL / TESOL certification teacher or recruiter like eTeachAbroad.com and EnglishTeacherChina.com but I didn’t. If you’re really struggling, your school administrators will be more understanding if you come to them first and are truthful about your struggles. Don’t just say everything is fine, when it’s not! 3. I worried too much. I worried about some valid things like where to find a good face mask so I wouldn’t die early from all the pollution I was breathing, how could I keep the super-hyper four-year-old boy in my morning class from bouncing off the walls, and how to ask out the girl I saw on the bus almost every morning. However, I also worried about stupid things needlessly like was I going to be fired (whenever I was called into my boss’s office), if my friends back home would forget me, and what were the people who stared at me thinking. Now I realize that if I teach my students reasonably effective lessons and show them that I believe in their ability, that they’ll learn. I’ve stopped trying to be perfect. My new motto is, “Aim for excellence, not perfection.” I realized that my students needed this philosophy too. So many Chinese students, especially those in high school and college, are obsessed with perfection and it causes them so much stress. Now I purposely try to teach them that their self worth is not determined by their grades. 4. I lived too far from work. Traffic in most of China’s cities is horrendous! I wish that I had realized up front the value of living near my school because that first year I ended up with a one hour commute on three different buses every day. Chinese buses and subways are jam packed with people during the morning and afternoon drive times and I was rarely able to get a seat during my commute. Taking a taxi would have been less stressful but more epensive and just as slow. I thought I was smart renting a cheaper apartment further from the city center but it wasn’t worth the savings. My second year I wised up and got a smaller apartment near my school and now my commute is only 10 minutes, hallelujah! I also learned that there are alternatives to standard apartment rentals which require 4-5 months of rent up front. My second time around I found a month-to-month rental with no deposit on a website that is China’s equivalent of AirBnB. Oh, another benefit of my smaller apartment is that it’s easier to heat and air condition because my building and many others in China don’t have central heating and space heaters are used in the winters. 5. It mattered too much that students liked me. When I first started teaching I had the crazy idea that I could be friends with my students and be “the cool teacher” while still maintaining an orderly classroom. Believe me, I tried it and it doesn’t work. Well, let me qualify that. It doesn’t work when your students are kids. It actually did work when I was teaching college students and adults but unfortunately, most of my students were kids. After one week of teaching my children’s English classes, I was ready to pull my hair out. Thankfully, a fellow teacher saw me struggling and loaned me his copy of “Teaching with Love and Logic” by Jim Fay. I read it nonstop during my next two days off and it totally changed my classroom management style. It took a while to get the hang of it but it started working from day one and now TEACHING ENGLISH IN CHINA have my own copy to lend out to new teachers. For questions contact: Annette Thompson, Director 5102 Trumpeter Swan Ct College Station, Texas 77845 979-224-2327