#(one of my favorite ppl who shares a job w me is like this like girl has such different taste we like opposite things on a crazy level

[allysah]

i want to list some seward stories here so people can understand a little better why i like this little fucker. here’s what i call “sewardisms”:

so william henry seward was THE light of the ballroom basically. he was ur one stop to have a good conversation with a cigar and drink in hand. and imagine that while knowing he was a fiery little red head standing at 5’6 who’s slender frame was likened to a scarecrow.

his favorite color was yellow and YOU WILL KNOW it. half of his clothes were yellow. his hanker-chiefs were yellow. He loved himself some stupid yellow.

he married frances seward in 1824 and they were the cutest lovebirds ever. they had five kids and fred seward and his wife became the like Defacto secretaries of seward and his lafayette park house bc he was literally never at home with his wife.

continuing w him and frances he once got into a love triangle (square?) with frances and this older senator who saw him as a young man who could fulfill his dreams. his name was albert tracy haller and this is one of his letters to him:

SO seward replies reciprocating it stating that he was happy learning they shared “feelings which I had become half ashamed for their effeminacy to confess I possessed.” but then haller gets like more continually obsessive and angry when seward doesn’t respond as quickly (he’s just like me fr). so he ruined their relationship as haller and thurlow weed (sewards bff and main political advisor) were ALSO beginning to beef over seward. so seward ended up picking weed over the obsessive haller. BUT ITS NOT OVER!!! because while seward is off working haller gets in with frances and tries to get with her and it starts to work… until seward writes a bunch of letters crying and begging her to not leave him because he was scared she didn’t love him anymore. so they both decided to throw haller out and never speak to him again! Power couple!!!

the first night that abraham lincoln and seward met they had to share a bed together where they chatted throughout the night and then finally fell asleep. in a weird coincidence, and the final days they spent together were in seward’s bed as he whispered stories to seward who was currently in excruciating pain because of his shoulder and broken jaw. whenever seward finally fell asleep (something which he dearly needed) lincoln finally left.

i just absolutely adore the relationship between the two. they started off as aquantiances and grew into rivals during the 1860 election. whenever lincoln won seward was PISSED that such a lowly small town lawyer could win but took the secretary of state job anyways. they slowly grew into friends and then by the end of the first year lincoln was spending basically every waking moment with him. they had the same sense of humor and interests, such as theater which seward was his main guest at each performance. they were basically inseparable as he was the closest to lincoln in the cabinet and they had become bffs. they make me so happy, they didn’t care for looks and most of the time you could find them with ruffled hair and misplaced clothing. seward thought the absolute world of lincoln because of how good of a person he was. like i just can’t understate how much seward loved lincoln and saw him for all of his wisdom. i’ve mentioned this before but at this point seward was seeing lincoln more than lincoln’s own wife so she (being mary todd) was angry and jealous of seward (totally understandable) who lincoln spent his nights with instead of her. this jealousy also leached out into other members of the cabinet such as salmon p chase, edwin stanton, and gideon welles who were angry their president spent more time with seward than the actual cabinet. they thought seward had his ear most of the time and was just the acting president. ppl spread those rumors a lot my favorite insult is when george mcclellan called seward a meddling incompetent puppy. it got to the point where seward was gonna resign bc of it until lincoln stepped in and was like No you’re not leaving.

seward came up with adding thanksgiving as a holiday and lincoln was like “hell yeah”

seward got into a carriage accident and dislocated his shoulder and broke his jaw. so for a few weeks he was bed ridden. during this time was the assassination attempts of both him and lincoln. lincoln died while seward’s face was slashed the hell up but he was otherwise still kicking. no one told him that lincoln had passed but when he saw the american flag hanging half mast one morning he knew. while crying he said that if lincoln was alive he would have already come to see him or ask about him but he knew.

after this was some more big hits as his wife died the same year and so did his daughter. he was literally having the WORST year ever and i feel so bad for him.

yeah there’s definitely more but those are the big bits (which i’m probably fucking up some). he’s so campy. i love the little fucker so so much.

[greenapple4loko]

got tagged by @sohelpmegod to do this in like the fucking mesozoic era <3 but just now was able to lmao

1. are you named after anyone?

an inside joke and a video game character respectively

2. when was the last time you cried?

i think im on month seven or eight of my not crying streak

3. do you have kids?

hell the fuck nah!

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

if archery counts i used to do that, if it doesn't than absolutely none lol (i was a nerd w no friends until high school. read so many terrible books tho)

5. what is the first thing you notice about someone?

their car; if n/a then how they talk

6. eye color

driver's license says green and a classmate called me Loki the other day so probably that

7. any talents?

i was nominated for a creative writing award a couple yrs ago at a community college and i'm pretty good at finding bones

8. scary movies or happy endings

scary movies 100%

9. hobbies

writing and drawing when i have time (longest WIP has 50k words but i decided 2 rewrite it lmao), also collecting model cars like a loser lol (fav diecasts i have are the wrx sti, 1978 firebird, mustang, challenger demon, and a bmw m2)

10. pets

3 cats, hopefully no more

11. height

not enough

12. favorite school subject

math and human biology are tied for no.1

13. dream job

the pipe dreams are medical lab science or biomedical research, but there's only one approved med lab tech/science program in my state and no way im getting a grad degree (who tf has that money??). atp i'm gunning for chemical tech or similar in the pharm industry or sterile compounding

not gonna tag ppl but if anyone wants 2 do it then pretend i did! sharing personal information on the internet is so fun everyone who sees this should do it too

[zealund]

best + worst interactions with men

talofa lava + welcome back to another episode of polynesian girl diaries, a podcast about my experiences as a young polynesian woman. i’m your host katie faumuina.

this morning i was craving a blended coffee + instead of making the 20 min drive to my favorite coffee shop i opted to go to costco bc their food court has a cold brew mocha freeze which definitely did the job.

winter is making its way. the mountains are fluttered with snow. no snow on the ground yet where i live but hoping we get a mild winter this year, not really one for the cold although i do love some snow for the holiday affect.

today's episode i will be sharing some interesting/funny/awkward/bad - all of the above, interactions w/ men.

my first story is titled the Ring Doorbell guy.

it was late. past 10 pm. my family was in town + they had been staying w/ me for a bit + earlier that day i had seen them off at the airport. i was sad that they were gone but also grateful to be in my own space again.

i had plans w/ a guy i had been seeing very casually at the time that night [lets call him tallz]. so tallz comes over + we have plans to go see a movie. we're chilling on my couch, cuddling until it's time for us to go see the movie + all of a sudden I get a knock at my door.

i'm weirded out bc i didn't expect any company outside of tallz being there so i peek through my peephole + don't see anyone but kinda see that the person is stepped off to the side so as to not be seen by my ring door bell or the door. i find it odd but open the door anyway.

therein is my neighbor, whom i' probably said hi to a mere one time in passing. curious about what he needed i said hello + asked him just that.

"hi", he whispered. hi?, i awkwardly respond. silence* "i was wondering are u single?" - mind you, this guy is still whispering for some odd reason. ig he didn't want to be heard or let anyone in my house know he was there, idk if this was due to embarassment or what - we will never know.

it was then that it dawned on me that this guy was trying to shoot his shot. awkward. i told him that i wasn't interested + as i was saying goodbye he gets closer to me + in my attempt to create a bit of space between us i extend my hand for a handshake + instead of the handshake this guy goes in for a hug and then as he's hugging me he goes in for a fucking kiss.

completely weirded out + thrown off by his attempt i yell "what's wrong with you? why are you trying to kiss me? u just met you", + then he apologized + turned around, walking as quickly as he could in the opposite direction.

i think tallz heard me bc he then came out in that moment + asked what was going on + if i was ok. i told him what happened + he said the guy had been hanging out outside of my apartment. fucking weirdo.

i was glad tallz was there.

guys who are trying to shoot their shot at a girl they're interested in - plz don't do this. that's creepy + kind of stalker-ish.

this story reminds me a lot of a guy I will call the Denny's guy.

forever ago, used to play volleyball with a group of ppl at a gym + afterwards a group of us would go to denny's to order food + shoot the shit.

one night, a new guy decided to join us at denny's. that was short lived bc apparently he only wanted to make the trip to see me.

so i get to denny's + he calls me over to his car + we start chit chatting + i invite him in with the rest of my friends since they were already at a booth. i quickly learn this guy has no intention of chatting it up with the rest of the group as he pulls me in + tries to kiss me. i dodge the kiss + am bewildered by his gesture.

what are you doing? I ask, offended. needless to say he apologizes + does not come into denny's with us + ends up leaving. so awkward. what makes guys think they can just go in for a kiss?

you've never met me in your life, you don't know me, you haven't even taken me out like what? make it make sense.

this next guy i'll call the vio-lent guy. i first saw this guy at a co-ed volleyball tournament. i remember thinking he was so fine + so damn good at volleyball. we didn't speak at all at the tournament + i don't remember how we managed to connect after that but eventually we made plans to see each other at his hs afterschool since he had football practice later.

i remember being giddy as fuck going to meet up with him.

mind you this was our first time speaking to each other in person. i didn't know what he looked like up close. i've never had a conversation with this boy until that day. in our mtg i would soon come to find that he was fob, didn't know much of english.

my friends + i have an inside joke about this interaction bc at one point he asked me if i played the vio-lent, ig he didn't know how to pronounce violin or didn't know how to pronounce it but yeah friends gave me shit for that lol

he was pretty loud despite this, very popular among the polys.

we held hands throughout the hallway + the head turns were plenty to say the least, i even had an acquaintance pull me off to the side to tell me "girl, no. u can do sm better", i dont think i really cared at the time bc i'm very much the type of person to like someone regardless of what anyone thinks - i don't care to have the approval of my parents or my friends or my family members for that matter, if i like someone idc

i remember going thru this stairway with him + we were holding hands + he turned to me (as if to signal that he wanted to kiss me) + just before he does he smiles really big + i see his teeth + he was missing some teeth, let alone his teeth were yellow + in that moment i got the immediate ick + dodged the kiss + started walking down the stairs.

needless to say i never saw this boy again.

this next one i'll call the passport guy.

i was checking my bags through australia + i remember this polynesian guy asking me for passport to verify some information + i thought nothing of it so i gave him my passport. he scanned over it with his eyes + then wished me well.

that night i received a facebook message request + when i opened it i recognized the guy from the airport immediately. i laughed to myself realizing it wasn't protocol to check my passport at the baggage port, this guy asked so he could look up my name via facebook to talk to me.

i am dead. nothing ever came of it bc obviously i was only just visting australia + it never would've gone anywhere. this is somewhat creepy. would not recommend this. again, a bit stalker-ish.

next up is mr. stone.

this story starts off at an open gym my best friend + i had gone to. i was playing the piano + she was lying on the floor playing on the phone.

right after i had finished up a freestyle piece, a guy makes his way into the room with his phone.

"OK ALICIA KEYS", he said to me. he showed me the video he had taken of me + i laughed, not thinking anything of it.

we made small talk + he said he had barely gotten home from his mission. he was about 2 weeks out from being home + it was rather obvious.

i always found fresh off the mission returned missionaries AKA RM's cringe. + i say this bc they're usually pretty marriage hungry fresh off the mission. ig nothing wrong w/ that but even when i was a mormon, marriage was never really a priority for me. i dated a lot but at no point did i ever feel like marriage was ever really on the back of my mind. ig i had a lukewarm feeling toward it but whatever i digress.

we continue with the small talk + he finds out that i served my mission in LA. he mentions he's actually driving to LA the following week for a wedding + asked if we were interested in going. i thought it to be a bit fwd so i gave him the generic, oh we'll let you know knowing damn well i had no intention of letting him know.

when wrapping up the conversation he asks, "so how am i going to send this video to you?".

internally rolling my eyes, bc i knew what he was doing - also why do guys think they're so slick? this was an obvious move in my eyes. let alone, i've seen myself play the piano millions of times - it was apparent he wasn't asking to send me the video but to ask me out which he did.

we ended up not going to LA w/ him but the following week i had agreed to a date. we went to an italian restaraunt.

it's been so long since this date happened so i don't remember all of the details of the date i just remember that it was somewhat akward praying over our food in public + to be fair he was fresh off the mission whereas i had been home for over 2 years but overall i remember that i liked that he planned the date, picked me up + the date was good.

towards the end of dinner he asked what was next for us to do + we decided that since i lived right next to the gateway at the time (area in downtown slc) we'd explore that + luckily when we got there there was an outdoor exibit going on so we explored that + there was even this chalk wall you could write on that had different prompts occasionally + in that moment the prompt was things you were grateful for.

i don't remember what i wrote or what he wrote but we wrote on the wall, explored the exhibits + then sat down to chat some more.

i thought we were wrapping up the night but it was then that he asked again, "what's next?", slightly flustered i tried to muster up an excuse to go home but just agreed to the idea of visting temple square.

when we got to temple swuare, i remember sitting across the temple + watching it glow in it's beauty + how beautiful of a moment that was UNTIL he asked about my temple worthiness + when i tell him that it's less than ideal he starts treating me like an investigator of the church telling me to open up my scripture app + while i'm doing that he randomly pulls out stones from is pocket + jokes that his little cousins left them there

i don't remember the specific scripture he asked me to read but it definitely felt reheared and preachy

after that whole spiel i fake yawned + told him i was getting tired + that we should head back

while walking back he asked if i had remembered the scripture he referenced earlier at temple square (had to do with clasping on to the iron rod aka the word of god) and he said just as I have to clasp onto that I have to clasp onto his hand

+ at that point i could not hide my disinterest

for one, super manipulative to use the scriptures to get your date to do what you want

second, ew

third, never again

needless to say i never saw mr stone again.

this next story is called mr pizza.

i met mr pizza while i was working at a restaraunt + him + a bunch of his crew came in to order food. while stalking material i remember him pulling me aside to ask for my number. flattered in the moment, i gave him my # + we arranged for a date.

the day of the date i end up having to pick him up which for me was less than ideal but whatever - we go to this pizza joint + throughout the entire date this guy talks incessentaly about himself + anytime he would ask about me he'd find a way to revert it back to himself which i found extremely boring.

he also had this booming voice + loved to hear the sound of his own voice, i definitely knew that it would be the first + last date for sure.

glad the night was over, i dropped him off at his apartment + before he opens the door to leave, he asks me if i want to come up to watch a scary movie with him.

i kindly decline + lie about having an early morning bc we all know what he really wanted.

i think the thing i didn't like about this date was that A: it didn't feel like a date B: he talked the entire time C: he didn't even try to get to know me but wanted me to come up to his room? boy bye.

needless to say, we never spoke or saw eachother again.

mr. hawaii is our next guy + tbh he probably takes the cake on the worst date ppl i have ever encountered on a date.

mr. hawaii was a dude that was from california but served in hawaii. he served in a samoan ward for most of his mission + that excited me a lot bc i thought it meant that he would have a pretty good base-level understanding of my culture + my people. WRONG.

the day of the date this guy comes to pick me up + he is wearing sweats + a tshirt + not only that he smells like pepporoni pizza. i soon came to find out why. in the back of his car was a little cesarz pizza box. great.

this guy took me to his apartment lobby + there we had a conversation + ate little cesars. this probably would've been a more suitable idea for if you were dating a person for a while but definitely not a good first date idea, it's giving low effort low interest vibes but i was like whatever - but this wasn't even the worst part of the date.

the worst part of the date was was he had to say about my people. it was so offensive that i'm not even going to repeat it but the neve that he had to share these things + to the extent that he did + so willingingly, i think it made it even worse because the dude was a palagi talking out of his ass w/ his privlege but yeah definitely turned me off.

+ mind you this guy had the audacity to text me the next day + be like hey sorry i don't think this is going to work out between us + i just laughed at the text bc the audacity to assume i even wanted anything more to perspire between us? ew. so i texted back + was like, "glad it's mutual" + blocked the fucker lol ew thank u next

i'm gonna end this episode off with a good date i went on that really set the standard for me in a lot of ways.

not going to go into details but it wasn't necessarily even what we did on the date it was that this guy initiated everything, took the lead, paid, picked me up - he made sure i was taken care of + it was then that i realized this is what i want in a man.

everything he naturally was, i wanted.

we didn't end up together but the standard he set is yet to be something i've come across but regardless i'm grateful for his example bc it taught me what standard of guy i want + what i like + ultimately what i deserve + that it's possible.

that's it for today's episode. thanks for tuning in. tofa.

[kittyowotings]

honest truths about you

yeahhh

▶Ever been ashamed of your age?

yesss, oh my god

▶Your least favorite season & why?

honestly? fall bc its just. There ig

▶How many selfies do you take in a week?

IDK none i barely take selfies i hat emyself

▶Your most active social media site/app?

u... i only use discord, i use twt primarily to post art and toyhouse to store my ocs <3 theyre still precious to me after all these yrs

▶What's your favorite thing to do in Summer?

swimming... or have grills LOL IM SO BASIC

▶How about Winter?

honestly... sit in side warm w blankies :3

▶Do you prefer day time or night time?

um... NIGHT TIME i am nocturnal

▶Are you more of a follower or leader?

follower tbh, i do not like being leader..

▶If you could go on a date with anyone/anywhete, who would it be with and where?

hmm.. well my bf and i have been wanting to go swimming ;w;

▶Your personal opinions on marriage?

its a wonderful thing <3 although, if you dont wanna then you dont have to!

▶What card games do you like?

UHH.. idk... i like crazy eights

▶If you could have one super power what would it be?

the ability to have 3 more powers >:))

▶Are you against smoking?

no.... just dont rub it in my face 🙄

▶If you were given $1000 and had to spend it right now, what would you buy?

UH FUCK IDK... probably pay back the ppl i owe 💀💀

▶Would you rather live in an apartment or house?

apt i guess bc its moar safe... ;;

▶What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

i hhate ice cream but if i had to Consume it id go w vanilla

▶If you had to color your hair an unnatural color, what color would it be?

if i was forced to... uhh i guess a pastel pink >< idk unnatural colours wouldnt suit me-

▶Describe your daily hairstyle.

AHH I have a messy mullet but like my bangs cover my eyes

▶What is your favorite emoji?

IDK the skull emoji is sso funny to me

▶When's the last time you went to the doctors?

idk... I forget

▶What do you drink in the morning?

A... water or juice

▶Have you ever questioned your sexuality?

yessS omg

▶Who was your first celeb crush?

I kind of forget its been so long? ha

▶What is a good birthday gift for you?

IDK... i love cute clothes or cute things like perfumes and stuff hehe also idloveitifmybfboughtmelingerie

▶Would you rather clean the dishes or take out the trash?

UHH... take out the trash honestly its not that hard

▶If you had to get a new tattoo right now, what would it be of?

AHGHHSDFKJJ I hate tattoos but id probably get permanent makeup or smth

▶When is your daily bed time?

IDK... i have been sleeping rlly late at 5 or 7 in the morning

▶What's your favorite thing about your job or school?

I. like that the final exams are just open book assesments instead its a lot. easier for my smooth brain

▶Name a place you do NOT want to go.

I DONT KNOW... in the ocean or deep in the forest

▶Is pregnancy and child birth beautiful to you or not really?

I dont KNOW!!! i guess its beuatiful but not the prcoess 💀 its so horrible

▶Are you comfortable to dance or sing in public?

No omg id have to be drunk off 8 cans of alc

▶Would you rather eat at home or go out to eat?

um.. eat at home bc i hate having strangers watching me eat

▶What do you personally think is the worst job to have on the planet?

I cant imagine being a plumber 💔💔

▶Do you trust dogs or cats more?

cats... they are Small.

▶Describe your favorite style of clothing, what stereotype do you fall into the best?

UHH... tiktok egirl smh

▶If you had to get cosmetic plastic surgery, what would you get done?

IDK... lipsuction

▶Does the description of your zodiac characteristics fit you well or not at all?

YES OH MY GODDD i am just me!

▶What is something you would never actually buy?

💀 idk

▶Lastly, share a quote you like.

i FORGOR

[ziracona]

I used to be way more of a doormat and appeasing because I was raised to be polite, but after enough people taking advantage of that, by college I was like “I’m really done wasting my time enabling horrible behavior. Look, bud, you now get the same level of thoughtfulness/tact/politeness as you give—ima mirror whatever approach you come at me with, because I don’t have the energy to put 110% into a relationship while you give 40 anymore” and it’s so funny that like without fail the kind of people you’ll show your favorite movie to super excited who will then go “Eh I didn’t really like it it was kinda boring” or be even worse instead of like, saying nothing, or finding a polite thing to say, are sooo shocked when you just honestly tell them what you think of stuff they share back.

Like it’s almost uproariously funny. One dude was like “I’m gonna make fun of you & your taste & fave game for reccing it to me since you liked it so much yourself, bc while I haven’t even touched this video game personally, I watched a game sins video on it one time, so I have a PHD in knowing it has no redeeming qualities,” and then was just offended out of his head at how hurtful I was for when he wanted me to watch a show he liked and I was like “Thanks for thinking of me, but I know the MC from the show this is a spinoff of, and find her impossibly obnoxious, and I just don’t think the story would be worth it to me,” like just couldn’t believe I’d be so tactless. Nother dude did the exact same thing, & then was so offended I didn’t pretend to not hate a ship in a mutual fandom whenever he kept bringing it up over and over despite already knowing I both hated, and didn’t want to talk about it. Knew a chick who would tell me she didn’t like things I brought up all the time, or thought my comments were stupid, but then was so offended any time I like, mentioned how much I was relieved a character from a game we both played that she liked & I hated, finally died & left the story.

Like without fail, that kind of person is always /so/ shocked, and /so/ offended if someone treats them even a less mean version fo the way they treat everyone they talk to. Occasionally after I start doing this bc the subtle kindness approach didn’t work, a person will go “Wow I’ve been kind of an ass huh?” & improve but 9 times out of 10 it’s just Comedy Central with them failing to see any kind of double standard but lost in the way I’m not Yes Maning them into next year like the idealized npc version of me in their head. But anyway this is on my mind not even because of that all too common (esp in Avid befriending-many-people-&-jumping-fro-1-to-the-next fandom spaces) shitass personality Load Out, but because whenever I do have nicer people I interact w in such circles, which happens not like, infrequently, but way less frequent than the ones who suck, sadly, it’s unimaginably funny to me in the opposite direction—like I’ll just be there talking to them nicely about something I can’t stand — not lying or anything just like, yeah I don’t mind listening to you talk about this movie I hate, bc I like you, and I have no need to tell you how I feel about the movie—you didn’t ask. You just wanna infodump. & I got no problem w that—I like hearing you talk, & you don’t feel a need to cut down & preach at everything I ever say, so we actually got something good here back and forth. But inside my head against the backdrop of how many mediocre to shitty people I’ve known recently I just am like “Baby girl, I have things in my loadout for you & only you that you can’t even imagine.”

[forffax]

1-5!

TY FESS!!! :]

1. Favorite game(s) in the series?

definitely explorers of sky, but super is a close second! the rescue team remake and gates are also very close to my heart sgdhzgs (pmd.... good)

2. Do you prefer the 2D or 3D games (in terms of style or the games in general)?

2D for sure! The sprites were so good and had so much charm.... although I do love the watercolor texture they put over the 3D models in the rescue team remake! I hope they do smthn similar if they ever remake explorers vdhgds

3. Which final boss and/or final dungeon do you like the most (whether from a narrative or gameplay perspective)?

mmmm my gut response is to say either temporal tower and primal dialga or the tree of life and dark matter... both had such intense energies as u climbed to the top, knowing that it was just u and ur partner left to keep the world from falling into ruin (or being thrown into the sun, in super's case sgdhsgs)! The dungeon themes in both also having two sections was so so cool to me, with a driving powerful theme in the first half and a calmer, more subdued theme as u got closer and closer to the top..... man.

4. What were your hero characters like before being turned into Pokemon? What did they look like and how were their lives? Do they ever recover any of their memories?

dvdbxvzvzhs I will admit. most of my hero characters are self inserts,, there's also one thats just an older oc but he got sucked into the pmd world (so did his bf, unbeknownst to both of them) dvdjshs

my psmd hero though was a cyndaquil named Felix, (and iirc super's whole thing was that ur hero and parter both had been reborn to finish the job of defeating dark matter) so he was probably just a fairly normal human teen (who kept getting reincarnated w/o his knowledge, just at the wrong times) who very suddenly got yoinked back to the pmd world (finally the right time to save the world)!

5. Which Pokemon from Gen 7-8 would you consider potential hero/partner starter options, outside of the regular Starter Pokemon?

hm! definitely rockruff, alolan meowth, and alolan vulpix from Gen 7, and probably nickit and yamper or wooloo from Gen 8! Applin would be cool too I think sghdgs

9. Are there any soundtracks you think are underrated or overlooked, or are there unused tracks you wish were in the game?

Am I allowed to say the entire gates ost bc. The entire gates ost. I know ppl don't like gates much (and I have some complaints abt it as well) but the ost RULES.

Also really like Mt. Horn from pmd2, and Fire Mounain Volcano from super!

10. Which ending do you like the most?

SUPER'S GUT PUNCH SWITCH HURTS SO GOOD.... every previous game is like "oh your hero can't stay in this world/has to dissappear" and even in game your character is preparing for that eventuality when suddenly nope! There goes your partner, disappearing into a ball of light and floating off into the sky </3 made me bawl when I got to it the first time

11. Any headcanons that take place after the games that you want to share?

I always love the idea of ur hero and partner becoming veteran explorers and helping/teaching new adventurers, particularly if they form a guild!

Also I think that for pmd2, dialga allows (infrequent) visits between the future trio and your hero/partner :] it wasn't goodbye forever!

12. If you could change one thing about your favorite game(s), what would it be?

FASTER TEXT SPEED FOR GATES PLEASE.... that's like the number one reason I don't replay it more zgdjdhzs... also expanded post game/better pacing for super would've made it probably my fav pmd game ever ngl

[bluecookies02]

Ight bet! I'll give it to you in list form 😊

Favorite color that isn't well known?

Most defining moment in your life so far?

Favorite flower?

Favorite dinosaur?

Do you have any tattoos?

How bout piercings?

If not. Do you want any? If so, do you want anymore?

Whats your biggest fear?

Biggest dream?

Comfort food?

Do you like sweets?

If you could travel anywhere in the world, and in any time period, when and where would you go?

Favorite genre of music? (And any recommendations? 🥺🥺)

Where are you from? Have you ever left your home town?

Who are you when you're all by yourself?

Biggest secret you're willing to share about yourself?

You don't have to answer all of these! I dont wanna make you uncomfortable. And if you wanna just message me and answer them privately that works too!! I hope you have a good day! 💕💕

I ain't no intresting person but let's go😌

1) well my favorite colour is pastel-ish blue, but I don't know what colours r "well known" lmao

2) deciding to enroll into college that is fucking up every drop of serotonin I own🥲

3) So i'm allergic to the flowers that have pollen but I like Lilacs, they be real pretty w tht smol lil batches of cute flower thingies. But if we're talking flowers that I can keep, I like roses. Kinda softer red or those pale ass ones that are mostly white but w a lil bit of any colour gradually appearing in the middle.

4) stegosauruses have tht chill vibe man, i dunno

5)nope

6) also nope apart from the classic ear one lmao

7) I do want a septum but I'm also always sneezing and the idea of snot sticking to it makes me REEEE...Ik it's irrational but shhh it's a problem. I also want a buttload of tattoos but I have to remove my body hairs w a fucking lazer bc I don't trust my clumsy ass w a razor that can cut up my tattoo on accident.

8) talking to new ppl that I know I won't vibe w, hights, bleeding (not like period blood lmao but as soon as I see a large amount of blood coming from me I'll panic, not on others tho, just on me...that sounds selfish doesn't it😂)...and fucking cetipedes( give me any other fucking bug and I'll murder it in cold blood or pick it up if it ain't dangerous....but if I see a centipede...man idk what it is bout them but they have the perfect body structure to sneak into your ear and rub their ugly legs in your ear wax)....

9) Find a nice cock in life yk...Not waste years on giving tht gluck gluck 9000 to the wrong person😩 And have a decent job that pays bills and vibratos and hopefully some of my parents bills.

10) peanut butter, fries, anything fried rly, and chocolate filled croissants(dunno if they have a diff name when they r w chocolate) oh and also sunflower seeds or whole peanuts bc breaking them open is therapeutic lmao.

11) everything except caramel and gummy bears I think. I am also not a fan of those sour/sweet candies.

12) Japan bc I want to try the food and feast my eyes on the pretty😩 Time vise I don't really care where it is as long as it had macho strong armored men that can make me into their living fles- yk what, next question

13) sadly, only tiktok songs but you can dm me for my saved sounds 😂

14) I'm slavic, ain't tellin where I'm from tho reee, And I did leave my home town a lot I guess. I've been to Greece, Slovenia, Italy, Bulgaria...And I've been to many cities all over my country bc everything is pretty close and if it isn't, we had school trips that took us

15) a big blob of sad horny and tired.

16) My secrets are so secret that even I don't know what they are. But apart from that I obviously am not developing a piss kink yk. And I do not want to cosplay certain characters bc I want to flick it while looking at the mirror. Dunno If I make an OF, no I didn't 😌

haha

b y e

[secndlife]

omg i'm so sorry it has taken me so long to respond, i got lost in the sauce D:

ahhh brazil to poland sounds very drastic but also very cool (no pun intended)!!!

you deserve any and all love you receive for mmf!!! it's rly so good, i can't shut up abt it lol !

mingyu IS a malewife, i agree!! and omg plz, hoshi recording the spider mv drove me crazy lajdfalfja like SIR WATER U DOING but also, carry on :) or like in that christmas in august gose where he just sat there and watched...he's the moodmaker which is very important and necessary!

yesss after i read one last time, i read one and two small petals and that one hurt almost as bad :") i'll have to check out passion (flower), i have been slacking on reading fics lately :/

jeonghan rly is so versatile!! i love enemies to lovers fics, and he truly is one of my favorite members to have that dynamic w. you definitely made sense re: characterization! i have dabbled in writing fics and so i totally understand that. i think part of why i enjoy writing fics based off of real ppl/established characters is that it gives me a template of a character, but like you said, bc we only know part of who they rly are, it gives me a basis of where i could go/explore their personalities deeper. i feel like i just rambled so lmk if that doesn't make sense hahaha

ahhhh mmf2 i cannot WAIT i saw your post re: fights and tbh i love fights (HELP) so i'm vvvvv excited for it !!! also related to that. writing rly is hard lkadjfkldaf but that's why i commend you so much, it's not easy and on top of that, you do a pretty damn good job!

ugh gyucheol sometimes -_- they fight so much and also i want to fight them too, just put me in a ring w them and let's BRAWL (but now that you mention that they're both fire signs, this totally makes sense as i am also a fire sign LMAO)

okay so you mentioned gose, which episode or episodes are your favorites? are there any you'd want to be a part of as like a member/watch as like a live audience type thing?

i feel like we can't move on without asking what your fav title tracks are! top 5 fave tracks (can include b-sides)?

- 🍳

IT'S OKAAAAY i hope you're having some rest and taking care of yourself!!!!

ok lemme add a cut and we can continue

it was indeed very drastic tbh but i have no regrets !!! it's literally going to be two years tomorrow so WOW IT'S BEEN A RIDE.

plsssss 🥺🥺🥺🥺 it's almost at 1k notes that's absolutely insane for me like literally. bonkers luv ! it makes me super happy tho that people really like it 🥺

SOONYOUNG IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE I CAN'T WITH THAT did u see vernon saying something like that on his latest vlive THIS ONE and he's totally right soonyoung's role as mood maker is so important :/ my boy :/

one and two small petals was such a big deal to me i was so obsessed !!! passion (flower) you need to dm the author tho :/ they took it out but they were still sending links through dm hehe IT'S WORTH IT I PROMISE !!!!!!

pls e2l with jeonghan HITS DIFFERENT!! it's literally a dynamic i feel suits him sosososo much! and yes same like i have some perspective and something to roughly shape it but i can also "play" with it as i go and according to what suits me. AND YES ALL OF IT MADE SENSE AND I TOTALLY AGREE 🤝

THE FIGHT SCENEALKSDJAKLAD me the other day: no mmf couple doesn't fight. also me: writes a LONG LONG scene on them fighting. i'm excited tho bc i think it's a necessary scene that adds a lot to soonyoung's character and his vulnerability bc mc's shows more in mmf and now it will be a moment for Him you know.

OMGGGG A FIRE SIGNNNNN!!!! I LOVE FIRE SIGNS !!!!!!!!! WE'RE THE BEST PLS!!!!!!! i really really love gyucheol they're so fun i love them. my friend were writing me a poly gyucheol au where i'm their gf it would be a crazy dynamic aksdjaksjkf bc i'm literally like cheol so i think it'd be so fun

OMG GOSE i fucking LOVE the playground gose that one makes me so happy it's literally a serotonin boost. i also love the ttt ones i would love to be on the hiperrealism one bc i'm 100% sure soonyoung throws up from drinking when he goes upstairs so i would like to be there for confirmation !!! i also love bungee jump even tho i would never do it. and don't lie 1 and the tag !!!!!!! HBU???

ok this is HARD. but. uh! second life (WHO WOULD'VE KNOWN), home (i have a tattoo written "i'm your home" hehe), ah! love (they did it all for me there really), together (PLS THIS SONG MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND NOSTALGIC IT HITS DIFFERENT) and odihtd (this was one of the first svt songs i really really liked it). but this is so hard tho their discography is so good !!!! hbu share yours !

[musashi]

are there any stories/facts about your job/coworkers you can comfortably share? maybe something cool they did/you did with them recently? anyone that stands out in particular among them, without getting too specific for. clear reasons?

what's cheeseburger up to atm? any notable stories or anything about him recently, or has he been just living his best life as usual?

which of the skyloft NPCs do you particularly like? for arguments sake, this is excluding the more story relevant ones, so no groose + his gang, no zelda obviously, etc.

as an opposite to that, talk about groose! i've always loved him as a character, and the bits you've said about him and his relationship with link and zelda is always great! also, any notable kin memories you have of groose? especially things that occured after he left skyloft, or even after the demise fight. what did he get up to after the credits rolled?

fun stories about your loftwing? were there any traits you and him shared notably? or any that were more opposite?

what are some of your favorite things about your favorite iterations of zelda? what i mean by that is like... what do you like best about tetra/wind waker zelda? what about skyward zelda? botw zelda? they're similar but all unique people, so what endears you the most about each of them?

i know this is a lot, so don't feel like you have to answer in any specific time frame. take as long as is comfortable, and i hope this helps!! ~🍄

these are so many!!! thank you for being so generous!!!

are there any stories/facts about your job/coworkers you can comfortably share? maybe something cool they did/you did with them recently? anyone that stands out in particular among them, without getting too specific for. clear reasons?

most of the ppl i work w are. kinda rude to me all the time so i mostly just drown them out so i don’t go insane. but there is this one kid who is just, like, a ray of sunshine every time he walks into a room. and he works so hard and he cares about his work and i feel like he’s the only bitch who gets me. we vibe over zelda and will just get into debates about the lore on the clock and i look forward to seeing him a lot. 

what's cheeseburger up to atm? any notable stories or anything about him recently, or has he been just living his best life as usual?

he’s just doin he. he sleeps a lot. sometimes in boxes. sometimes under beds. sometimes directly on top of me.

a few weeks back i went to the ER for what i figured out was a kidney stone and while i was literally on my bed writhing in pain trying to hold out until my grandparents got there cheeseburger just like, jumped up on top of me and immediately starting pissing on me, as if to say haha, check this out. i can urinate better than you.

which of the skyloft NPCs do you particularly like? for arguments sake, this is excluding the more story relevant ones, so no groose + his gang, no zelda obviously, etc.

i love all of them so much oh no... everyone i love i love for kinnie reasons like i am tempted to say jakamar cause even though he’s kind of a sleazy dude he, as previously mentioned, smuggled me woodscraps to whittle fsdgjkfsgh

but parrow gives good hugs. and henya always has snacks hidden somewhere. and pumm will give you soup on the house sometimes if he can tell you’re in a rough mood. and and and........ i wuv skyloft. this is all kinnie bullshit actually.

as an opposite to that, talk about groose! i've always loved him as a character, and the bits you've said about him and his relationship with link and zelda is always great! also, any notable kin memories you have of groose? especially things that occured after he left skyloft, or even after the demise fight. what did he get up to after the credits rolled?

talked about him a lil bit in my last ask hehe

fun stories about your loftwing? were there any traits you and him shared notably? or any that were more opposite?

aepon & i were the kind of pair where we seemed really dissimilar on the surface but i think if anyone actually knew us they’d be able to discern pretty quickly that we were 100% twinning. like at face value i was a pretty calm and quiet person who was just, like. spacey and sleepy and vibing while things happened around me, and aepon was this absolute speed demon who had the biggest, loudest presence any time he entered a space. ppl in skyloft called him my red terror.

but the thing about my bird is that he was stubborn to a fault, and recklessly brave, and he just didn’t. stop. and he loved fiercely, the second i was awake in the morning i’d hear him circling overhead and shrieking his happy little shriek, he’d fill my head with all his thoughts of hanging out with me while i was trying to concentrate on work. all those things, we had in common, but i wouldn’t have been able to tell you that. someone like zelda probably would have. 

i think the best representation of it is at the beginning of everything when the tornado took zelda, the both of us just. dove right in. nothing else mattered, no conflict existed within either of us, i didn’t have to steer him in or send my intentions into our shared headspace, he just turned into an arrow flying straight into danger, and i went with him and we were one living being. like that’s our core. we are very opposite, until shit gets real, and then we are this beautiful unity tearing through the clouds. 

what are some of your favorite things about your favorite iterations of zelda? what i mean by that is like... what do you like best about tetra/wind waker zelda? what about skyward zelda? botw zelda? they're similar but all unique people, so what endears you the most about each of them?

HOW DO I COUNT THE WAYS I LOVE ZELDA AHHHHH

oot!zelda’s determination to defy fate... the way she refuses, from the start, to give in to darkness even though she’s only a little girl. the way she sees my commoner ass just waltz up into her private garden after breaking into her house still dressed in my stupid forest clothes and shes like. oh fuck yeah, wanna help me overthrow the gerudo king? and we’re, can’t stress this enough, ten. she’s so confident like she never worries about being powerless or out of her element, she never for a second believes this isn’t something she can fight. and when everything goes to shit she just keeps fighting!!! and still has the time to remind me that i can keep fighting too!!! literally where did she get that personality i love her so much!!!!

tetra’s fucking... simmering fire. her perfect balance between action and thought. like you can tell she’s pissed off and wants to start throwing punches but she always has the self-control to assess if it’s the thing to do in the moment. I CAN’T DO THAT!!! i’m pissed off i want to swords!!!! that motherfucker over there is PROVOKING ME!!!!! and tetra has the same fire inside her but she’s always just, like, “shut the fuck up, link. put your sword away. we need to get the jump on him.” and im like, AHHHHHHH because she’s always right. literally always. i don’t know how she does this but i think about it constantly. i love her level head and her scheming heart and her choice to carve her own destiny. i like how she finds out she’s a legendary princess from an age long past with sacred blood and shes just like ‘that’s cool but actually i’m tetra and i like to cuss and steal.’ and just does that forever. it resonates with me especially because even though the gods acknowledged me as the hero of winds i, like, wasn’t a ‘true’ incarnation of the hero. it’s just what i decided to be with what i was given. she and i are two sides of that coin and there is something beautiful abt that i don’t have words for. in a lot of ways she was my inspiration.

skyward!zelda’s um. everything? everything. i am so in love with her. i am so in love... with her. i am finding it harder to describe her than everyone else here which is so silly because she’s easily the person i was closest with. she’s just, like, made of fire and love? of passion. everything she is stems from what she loves--she loves old legends, and cliche romance stories, and stargazing, and going on adventures. zelda romanticizes everything in her life, she’ll stop mid-sentence to make you look at the sky because it struck her as particularly beautiful today, meanwhile i’m just like. thats the sky i see it every day i live here. and she’s so brave, so fierce, so resilient--there’s literally nothing that could scare her, i’m certain she got to the surface and immediately started spitting curses at blins, if ghirahim had actually found her alone she would have tried to come at him clawing and spitting. i was always so chill because all my anger was Stored in The Zelda, she’d just fight half my battles for me before i could register they were battles. idk. zelda was such an optimist who took everything in stride and believed, no matter what, that she could make it her own and make it beautiful and find something to adore within it. i might have had a quieter disposition, but she was always better at dealing with change than me. it was calming. i love her so much.

botw!zelda’s passion and inquisitive heart, oh my god, oh my god. i’m going to fucking fight everyone in the kingdom who ever made her feel like she talks too much. god it enthralls me, the way she just talks and talks and talks and LETS ME LISTEN, she lets me just SIT THERE and BASK IN IT like some kind of COLD REPTILE ON A ROCK. i literally cannot comprehend how she can fit so much knowledge about so many different things in her brain, and the way she’s ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT, literally just getting together with her techie friends and building whole ass machines when she was like 6 years old. shes looking at me like ‘oh this child prodigy curse my shortcomings why cant i be pulling enchanted swords when IM 12′ and im like PRINCESS YOU’RE FUCKING COOLER THAN ME LIKE CONGRATS I TOUCH A SWORD SOMETIMES AND YOU COULD LITERALLY MAKE A ROBOT TO DO THAT FOR YOU oh my god the way she doesn’t see how incredible she is makes me go insane i feel insane just thinking about it she’s the coolest fucking person i’ve ever met she’s the coolest person in hyrule the kingdom is too good for her i want her to take apart hyrule castle brick by brick and just leave a note behind that says ‘im too cool for you’ and then she gets on my ancient magic motorcycle and rides off into the sunset to some paradise far away and if i’m LUCKY she takes me with her. i love zelda

[halflingkima]

I was tagged by @hungerpunch – thank u!! 💖💖

A - age: 26 B - birthplace: California C - current time: 8:53pm D - drink you last had: peach bellini, for the Celebrations :)) E - easiest person to talk to: uhh depends on the topic but my mom, I suppose? Part of it is proximity and practice, but I know I’m really lucky that I can usually bring up anything without fear of judgement F - favorite song: uh uh uhhh Constant Craving by KD Lang is definitely one G - grossest memory: i feel weird sharing this bc i always feel ppl never wanna hear it? but cleaning up literal sh*t when i worked at the movie theater (i was in management :~) ) H - horror yes or horror no: to play it safe, horror no. but i can be adventurous sometimes I - in love?: not right now J - jealous of people?: i’d say envious more often L - love at first sight or should i walk by again: I? don’t quite know what this means? you do you i guess? M - middle name: uhhh the initial is A N - number of siblings: none :~) O - one wish: i would rly like to have a job that doesn’t make me wanna *** :~) P - person you called last: I had to check my phone and my bullet journal, but it was my best friend abt 3 weeks ago to check that she was awake and ready to be picked up lol Q - question you are always asked: “do you work here?” or some variation of R - reasons to smile: ripe peaches, beaches, soft yarn, candles, new notebooks, a good book (and a good book cover), fringe S - song you sang last: uhh probably Buenos Aires from Evita? the last one I remember, anyway? T - time you woke up: uhh the first time today was 9:45am and i went back to sleep immediately U - underwear colour: black V - vacation destination: I’ve always wanted to go to Ireland and/or Scotland, and my second choice would be Assisi, Italy. WIthin the country though, probably Nashville? W - worst habit: self-sabotage, probably :~) X - x-rays: aside from yearly dental x-rays, i’ve had them on my wrists a couple times. i don’t break them, i just have very weak wrists :)) Y - your favorite food: does chocolate count? Z - zodiac sign: aries (aquarius moon, sagittarius rising)

i’m gonna tag @waitingforarthur, @sarenraesbesthope, @emohell, @jozukejoestar, and @tameila and anyone who wants to do it!

[desticuleconfessions]

hey desticule. so i have a supernatural-themed girl best friends story that i’ve wanted to share for a long time, especially because none of my irl friends ever rly understood the gravity of this experience w/o the context of spn. there’s a lot of fun parallels to stuff on the show, and its given me like years of brain rot and therapy lmao. so i really deeply appreciate this page as an outlet, thank you so much to the mods for making it. anyways uh. here goes. sorry it’s so long.

[tw: queer trauma, religious trauma, mental illness]

okay so. in 3rd grade i met this girl. we'll call her kate. we became best friends, as in our names were never spoken separately, we did (and won) every science fair together, she came skiing with my family every winter, i stayed with her family at their beach house in the summers, our younger siblings were friends, etc.

our birthdays were exactly 6 months apart (jan 22/jul 22) so we literally believed that we were celestially intertwined.

we wrote a novel together in 8th grade. her family is baptist, we attended massachusetts catholic schools. i would go to church with her family when i slept over, i held hands and said grace with them at meals. they are all tall and blonde and beautiful. classically angelic. i am south asian. i remember introducing her to harry potter in the 4th grade, her mother hadn't let her read em because it was "blasphemous", but i snuck her my copies and she would read them during lunch n recess and keep them in my locker. sorry this seems like a lot of unnecessary detail but it will be important later.

anyways we both got into doctor who and subsequentally supernatural (s1-8?9 at the time). i specifically remember getting her into supernatural. i also remember her instinctive disdain for destiel when i talked about it, i was showing her a meta or fanfic i think, and i talked her through undoing some of her christian household’s internalized homophobia (fully assuming we were both straight at this point) (we were fucking 12). we'd do the whole "bitch" "jerk" thing, i (the older one) affectionately called her 'sammy', her phone password was dean, mine was cas (and they still are). on my 13th birthday, she gifted me a samulet, which i still wear to this day. (additionally, she gave me a vonnegut 'so it goes' necklace one year) (thats not vital but) (goes to show the extent of my dean coding) (im also an aquarius lmao). im highly protective of her. i carry extra rubber bands on my wrist for her. i keep our money and phones in my jacket when the school takes us skiing. i sit next to her in the halls during lunch and organize her binder. on an 8th grade field trip, a boy made a gross comment at her and i broke his nose.

so we start high school together at coed catholic school nearby, i join debate, make a friend also into spn, she's bi. she asks kate out over text. kate's mom sees this. things turn.

now the rest of these things happened over the course of a couple months and due to my trauma memory loss, i have no idea how accurate some of these memories are so uh. don't hold me to them.

- her highly religious mother is not happy with this obviously. at some point, she brings a priest home and tries to have kate exorcised.

- at this point, we learn that kate is schizophrenic; it never seemed to create noticeable issues before bc her home life and childhood was a perfect happy dream (not an assumption, her words).

- she's still coming to school, sporadically now, i bring home her work, spend hours helping her.

- when she comes to school, she has seizures: sometimes we're fortunate enough that they happen in a class we have together. she freezes up and the teacher empties the room. i refuse to leave. i hold her hand and softly sing her favorite song and sometimes she comes back to me. sometimes she doesn’t and the bell rings and the teacher forces me to leave and let the nurse handle it.

- another time they announce a medical lockdown (to keep ppl out of the hallway if someone is being escorted to an ambulance) while im in catholicism class, i immediately know it’s her; she fainted in the pool during swim team practice.

- i stay awake for 6 days straight bc i read online that sleep deprivation induces some of the same symptoms as schizophrenia and if i could understand what she was going through, i could help her

- she shows up at my house w both of her parents 15 minutes before the winter ball, begs me to go bc her parents will only let her if i go. so i do. her mom lurks by the gym doors with the chaperones. during a slow song, kate and debate girl start to slow dance, i grab our friend’s hand, drag him in front of them so her mom can’t see and make out with him.

- i wanted to tell her to stop but i was too afraid i would lose us, that it would seem like i was homophobic or i was jealous, but i knew her in my marrow and it didn’t seem like she was in love or into the relationship, it was willful self destruction

- we talked in the last few years, she confirmed this.

- at some point, she says she’s sorry she didn’t tell me about the voices before.

- when we talk, she’s not her anymore, she doesn’t remember our inside jokes, our codes, i can feel her being slowly ripped away and apart in real time

- i have a vivid memory of arguing with her and her telling me im not real, that her mind made me up, while occasionally speaking to something? someone? else in the room. i hold her hand and point to the matching thin scars on our thumbs and try to convince her im real.

- she eventually drops out entirely, taken to some mental facility that im not entirely sure wasnt conversion therapy (it was definitely a religious facility) (and conversion therapy was not outlawed in new hampshire until 2019) and im not allowed to see her.

- every now and then i get cryptic distressing emails or texts from her.

- one in particular has the subject, “youandiwalkafragilelineihaveknownitallthistimebutineverthoughtidlivetoseeitbreak” which is the first line of the song ‘haunted’ by taylor swift (our shared favorite)(the summer after this happened we collectively decided we needed a new swift Our Song and chose ‘breathe’). the body of the email read “what the hell have i done”

- i pray for the first time in my life, every single day for a few months, in different languages, at temple with my parents, in the chapel at school

- on a club trip, i get a call at 2am from her, crying, asking me why i didn’t help her, why i didn’t stop her, that it was my job to protect her

here’s something i wrote about her, three yrs after:

I wasn’t careful enough and she caught quickly. She burned so close and so bright that for long afterwards, I could not see. And like that, she was gone. I walked into the chapel. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

[that last line is from the latin version for a catholic prayer called the act of contrition, it translates to “through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault”]

in the fall, i hear she’s starting at a small baptist school almost an hour from her house. she is dating the principal’s son. the principal is also her pastor.

in my second year of college, i have a bad acid trip in a snowy park in december. i put my hands into the snow and when i look at them,i see blood. i see her body in the snow adorned like it’s a funeral

i still have dreams about her. sometimes i meet her in a grassy field, flying kites and i invite her to my wedding. in others, i catch a glimpse of her ponytail and catholic school skirt and chase her up eight flights of stairs and when i grab her hand, she turns to ash.

at some point in a separate argument w my parents in which they went through my texts and found out i wasn’t straight (amongst other things) my dad says:“i knew i should’ve listened to [kate’s dad] when he told me the things you would talk about. he knew what you are. and he took his daughter away from you.”

last christmas we met up and drove around together, she tells me that for years she thought i hated her for letting me down and for abandoning me, and i literally have the dean winchester in ‘sacrifice’ five stages of grief when sam says “you know what i confessed in there?” because i could not even begin to fathom that she ever blamed herself. it had always been my fault. i had failed to save her. i corrupted her and i failed to save her.

anyways she’s fine now, she’s okay, im okay, we’ve talked and unpacked and we’re alright. but uh. yeah. that happened. the parallels make me crazy. now they can make you crazy too.

‎

[therukurals]

Tagged by the very cool @dingyuxi​ (thanks fam!) 

and tagging some mutuals off the top off my head no pressure! @melonatures​, @deokmis​ @gimme-a-chocolate​ @forursmiles​ @digimoo​ @junghaesin​ @rain-hat​ @mockingjaypin @roarofalannister @seongwu

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? I have a couple, but one is red/black, one is blue, and the other white/gray

2. Name a food you never eat. Okra, my mom promised me I’d grow out of my distaste but im 26 and its still no

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? too cold I am a tropics baby i thrive in heat (i know i live in the midwest) 

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? trying to unclog our pipes with a bladder and some amateur plumbing 

5. What’s your favorite candy bar? uhhh, anything chocolate but the kinder bueno ones

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? A couple, mainly basketball and went to one american football game because bb bro was too young to go by himself and i just sat and read a book

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? My roommate and I are dealing with a plumbing issue and trying to fix it and I have a call soon so I said let’s pause and come back to it later. 

8. What is your favourite ice cream? Green tea followed closely by coffee. 

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water

10. Do you like your wallet? Yeah, i like its. its long and solid

11. What is the last thing you ate? a chocolate chip cookie

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? lol no

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? uhhhh idk, not an actual match but i think some mbappe highlights? 

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? ooooo classic butter or kettle. 

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? uh it was a group chat with my colleagues 

16. Ever been camping? Yeah, when I was young. It wasnt straight camping it was at a site and it was with my girl scout troop lmao

17. Do you take vitamins?  not regularly, sometimes some vitamin c if im feeling a little throat something coming up or iron before i donate blood 

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? Not in a religious way? and when you do community organizing/work you are in a lot of churches and they always pray at the neighborhood association meetings. 

19. Do you have a tan? lmaooooo. i am blessedly melenated and usually get a nice tan but its winter and lockdown so ive lost some of that :_;

20. Do you prefer chinese or pizza? lmao im with sam on this question, i dont like this question cause its a false equivalency and definitely chinese because the options??? and chinese food is so good???

21. Do you drink your soda through a straw? uhhh....not really? usually in a glass or in a bottle. 

22. What color socks do you usually wear? girl whatever socks i get, they range from black to white to pink to gray they dont match 90% of the time

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? wouldnt you like to know

24. What terrifies you? on a philosophical level seeing my loved ones hurt and failure. more physically? frogs freak me out, people in easter bunny costumes, clowns, and medieval plague doctors, actually the concept of existing in medieval Europe terrifies me 

25. Look to your left, what do you see? im on our large conference table and it has a bunch of stuff but immediately to my life is my phone, some pens, my bullet journal and my copy of “collective courage” 

26. What chore do you hate most? Washing dishes!!!! And compost 

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? idk??? steve irwin? 

28. What’s your favorite soda? Root beer and vanilla coke

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thrus, because im probably already out and around doing errands. 

30. What’s your favorite number? 13

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? My roommate, again about this plumbing issue. 

32. Favorite meat? I really dont have a preference tbh, depends how they are prepared

33. Last song you listened to? Do it on the tip by Megan thee Stallion ft the City Girls

34. Last book you read? In the middle of a reread for “Collective Courage: A History of African American Cooperative Economic Thought and Practice.” by Jessica Gordon Nembhard and just starting “Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents “ by Isabel Wilkerson. 

35. Favorite day of the week? Saturday 

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? maybe if i tried really hard but im not going to try 

37. How do you like your coffee? With a little bit of creamer and sugar, like a decent brown color. I like the flavor of coffee so i dont want it too diluted. 

38. Favorite pair of shoes? uh, dont really have one but something i can slip in and out of lmao

39. Time you normally get up? around 8/8:30am but in my heart id like to wake up at 10 or 11 ;_;

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunsets!!! also sunrises involve me getting up early and im not doing that hell no

41. How many blankets on your bed? Two since its winter, a comforter and a thick wool one. 

42. Describe your kitchen plates super basic white round plates. 

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment messy, we havent been able to wash our dishes because of the plumbing issue so hopefully that can be fixed today

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? mmmmm, idk? i have grown to like a good whiskey, usually a bulleit bourbon or this one bourbon w get from a local distillery. really any dark liquors, i will not do beer that shits dissssssgusting

45. Do you play cards? not regularly and i have tried to learn how to play eucher and spades and each time ppl explain it to me i forget it the next day and i just dont have that kind of brain capacity. 

46. What color is your car? uh.....so i live in a commune basically lmao and we share vehicles so i personally dont own one but the couple i share with some other folks is Black and gold

47. Can you change a tire? Yeah, one unique thing about my parents were they were very fair around gendered roles(especially for south asians), so my mom was strict with my brother around learning how to cook/clean and my dad taught me how to work on cars/maintenance work around the house. so i can change tires/oil/do other car work  

48. Your favorite state or province? i really like the pacific northwest and miss it.

49. Favorite job you’ve had? being an instructor for a course on globalization in college! also idk if i can classify what i do now as a “job” because its....unique but that too

[conelly]

( luke hemmings, twenty-two, cismale, he/him ) did you see BYRON CONELLY walking down main street earlier?  you know who i’m talking about, they’re a DECKHAND.  everybody in town says that they’re SANGUINE & NONJUDGEMENTAL, but have a tendency to be IMPRESSIONABLE & VOLATILE too.  BYRON has been in town for ONE AND A BIT years. c'mon, they’re always requesting SWEET CAROLINE by NEIL DIAMOND at karaoke nights.  well, i’m sure you’ll see them soon! ( ooc: sunny, 22, she/her, est )

hi thanks for tuning in, SUNNY here to tell you all a lil bit about westmere’s very own new nd improved favorite loser below. sorry for this summary being all over the place, it’s kinda how my brain works heh which is kinda perfect bc byron will for SURE be all over the place too ( u can rly tell at a certain point i was like ok i give up + i’m posting mf ). let me know if u have any questions about ‘em and most importantly, lmk if you would like to plot a lil connect or sumn 😙

@westmerestarters​ 

FAMBAM + BACKGROUND

born 14 years after the elder conelly ( wanted brother connect !!! ) entered this word to two parents who didn’t seem to read the job description, it was clear that byron wasn’t planned. and down the line, he’d soon realize through the tumultuous household he was brought up in - perhaps never even wanted.

byron’s parents had one constant - and that was fighting. over anything, all the time. there just wasn’t any love between the two and they stayed together for whatever meaningless reasons until byron hit middle school. ( there might’ve been a super short lull in toxicity once byron was born, but it had to be short as his first memories are nothing shy of toxic. )  it was a messy separation ( they never paid the full legal fees for a full divorce ) - his father moving to the coast of nj & his mother moving to a smaller apartment nearby her own mother ( which, due to the negative relationship among his mother + grandmother, also called for more tension ). he’d often be dropped off @ his grandmother’s house for baby-sitting or when he was ‘ becoming too much to handle. ’ eventually his grandmother moved into his cousin’s house ( MONROE ) and although grateful he made a practically new brother, similar tendencies of feeling unwanted occurred when byron noticed their grandmother praising and coddling and favoriting monroe just a bit more.

( his mother was a struggling addict ( and had been her whole life ), but the loneliness, newfound pressures and whatever excuse she was able to name caused her drinking to spiral worse than byron remembered ( even at his young age ) before. )

( his father was rarely in his life, but when he was, he was THE coolest. always played good cop in any situation regarding his mother, despite choosing not to have an active role in byron’s life. byron looked up to him like no other. when he WAS around, he taught byron how to surf, skateboard, play sports, they’d play video games, they’d eat junk food - honestly anything that byron wanted to do. his dad was an adrenaline junkie and created the stepping stones for byron to be one too. he was a marine biologist & pretty successful at that. passionate,  intelligent, but seemingly finding his newfound life a lot better than his previous - which is why he never wanted byron to stay too long, the boy reminded him of her, of the past. )

( his older brother moved out of the house when byron was just a lil kid, they’re not very close and don’t have much in common ... or so it seems. he lives in nyc and they only talk here and there on holidays. he was never a huge part of his life, but it does bum him out to think what could’ve been / could be. )

TO GET THE GIST 

due to never receiving the attention he craved from his family members, he made up for it tenfold in school. he was always talking to everyone, loud, boisterous, gregarious, life of the party; he wanted people to like him and they did. he become a total people pleaser, molding himself to make sure everyone was content and stayed around. impressionable, adaptable. he felt less this way towards adults and had a bit of a rebellious phase, hanging with the wrong crowd & getting into things he probably wouldn’t do otherwise. old habits die hard and he still tries his best to make everyone crack a smile, to remember him - since he believes he won’t be remembered for much else.

after he just barely skated by in high school ( his grades were never as good as his cousin’s and never lived up to his father’s expectations ), byron felt a bit lost. a lot of people had plans, were heading off to college - but already under the assumption he couldn’t reach any expectation in that realm ( a lil self fulfilling prophecy am i right pals ), he stayed in town - caring for his mother who hardly had anything together, his uncle who got sick very quickly & passed, spending time with his grandmother, while he himself fell into a rut. most of his days meant he drove out towards his dad’s place ( dad hardly there now, out and about with his new family ), surfing, smoking, and grabbing some cash doing odd jobs any way he could. he lost any purpose he once had ( but yall would never know it bc who wants to be in someone’s life who’s a buzzkill ? all smiles, baby, all smiles. )

IN WESTMERE

when his cousin offered the opportunity to travel cross-country in his van, byron had nothing to lose. always adventurous in spirit, he immediately said yes - deciding to ignore that ‘obligation,’ that feeling to make sure they were a-ok that he felt towards his parents. he needed an out and this was it. 

after landing in the small connecticut town for the night, the two fell for it - especially since when they got there along the water, it was a summer night + everything landed into place. they decided to stay there a bit longer ... and that eventually turned into more than a year. still antsy to keep traveling and to move around, byron has been ready to head out ... but stays for a few reasons - and them all being people ( bc lbh the surf is not even on point here ok )

his current job is a deckhand ( on a bunch of boats, ppl prob hired him as word of mouth got around that he knew what he was doing ). prob got that knowledge from being by his dad’s on the water when younger ( he’s ... obsessed with the water ) ! and also he’s just a quick learner ok ( ps: if your charrie has a boat pls let’s make somethin happen )

TO KNOW [ headcanons + more ]

his fav karaoke song is sweet caroline bc he knows everyone will be able to sing nd party along. he does it for the ppl, ppl.

he never saw too many baby / kid pics of himself which was kind of a bummer bc he really only remembers negative times - somehow they overpowered ( i bet lil byron was cute as fuck too fml )

he’s super into drugs, hallucinogenics, honestly you name it. it started off w/ him being impressionable, then bored, and now he just enjoys it. despite his mother’s addiction running through his blood, he still continues to do his thang.  

longboards around town so watch your toes

uses 🤙🤙 all the time and not ironically 

has an existential crisis on the daily about purpose but keeps that to himself most times 

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone pls give me a sugar mama idc how we plot it out they don’t have to hook up they can idk idc i just want someone giving him money or expensive things it can be so much fun ok ,, pool boy ? idk sign me up

pls if your muse has a boat, let him be the deckhand ok it will also be so fun and potentially angsty if he fucks something up

a fling 100% - even multiple ? idc listen he is currently sharing a tiny VAN with his COUSIN he needs a place - like an actual bed - to crash on at night

can he save someone who was potentially drowning pls??? he used to be a lifeguard, it can be a cool/fun thread to write out

omg off of that can he teach someone how to swim 

look if anyone is into marine bio, can they somehow know byron’s father ?? i feel like that could make room for a cool plot

also i have an older brother connect on the w/c’s page lmk lmk

give me a good influence that will somehow have him open up + tell him that it’s weird to be so sunshiny all the time. maybe someone who witnesses him at his worst + stays, ya know ??

a bad influence plot where y/c takes this impressionable young lad and puts him through the ringer tbh ( srrsly he’d do a lot for ppl, so ask him to do something illegal for them it’ll be fun )

party pals, smoking pals, on the water 24/7 pals, 

co-worker, other ppl that work on the water ( fishermen?? more deckhands?? captains??)

gimmie someone he accidentally bumped into while longboarding ( he’s a large human it might’ve done damage ok )

i want and need enemies ok i know he’s chill as fuck and wants everyone to like him but there’s always a way to find enemies >:o. anything angsty for REAL.

unrequited thing? where he led someone on?? i’m sure he does this constantly

don’t ruin the friendship thing omg plsssss always so fun

look i’m open for it ALL. every plot u have in mind so lay it on me

[cycloplasm]

003 for the last fandom you were in (like, reading a post about/drawing for/watching/reading, etc. the last fandom thing you saw/partook in 😂💙✨) Also bonus: Share an interesting fact about one of your personal characters 👀✨

WELL technically the last fandom i *was in* was DB- and the last fandom thing *i saw* was Pop’n music, and the last one i *partook in* was KH... so distraction is distraction; triple whammy time idec

But wait the 003 one is with specific characters :Oc... im going to do these with my faves for each then, but if that’s not what you wanted feel free to correct me i’ll re-do it 😂 also MEGA LONG LOL

🐉 low and behold my fav from this series is COOLER

How I feel about this character: now the only reason i ever got into DB in the first place was because of Frieza- that i saw on the cover of the manga, while buying groceries with my mom. Like when she would go and pay, she’d let me go to the ‘kid’s books’ section, who was right next to the cashiers. And there was that ONE DB manga with final form Frieza on it, and was like WOW and begged my mom to buy it- she did; she didn’t know DB and never really knew that it wasn’t the best thing to buy for 6 years old me, lol. So uhm that got me into DB and after buying like 10 DB manga books with pretty (but deceptive) covers, i somehow got that one DS game- Supersonic Warriors 2. I had no idea there was an anime (believe it or not), and as you can guess had no knowledge of the movies, so this game introduced me to quite a bunch of characters- including Cooler! ... Tho uhm ngl it wasn’t an instant love like Frieza- i was still 6 so i was like ´purple frieza with prettier colors’ and that’s it. Fast foward because this is LONG LOL SORRY but got to know Salza and (vaguely) Cooler’s general motivations thanks to PS2’s Budokai Tenkaichi 2, around 2015 i got back into DB, and actually watched their movie... And honestly i had no idea that HE was like that- truly bitter towards his brother AND father, and had to actually prove himself; and only to get nothing from the two when he PUSHED HIMSELF SO FAR HE ACHIEVED A TRANSFORMATION *NO ONE ELSE* HAS ACHIEVED. Like let’s be real, Frieza is a VILE person, beyond cruel- but Cooler? He’s somehow worse, because he has reasons to be bitter- to me it can fuel his cruelty even further than Frieza and idk. It’s great. I’ll come back to it further in this but i feel this is a VERY interesting concept for a ‘frieza sibling’ villain.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: no one- Cooler���s super aromantic (and ace) in my head. Doesn’t even understand the concept of friendship, so love? Lol no. But i hc that Dore is romantically attracted to him though- Cooler has no idea, and maybe that’s for the best, i think he might react badly if he knew.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: surprise, surprise, CoolerxSalza lol. I might reiterate things i already said/mentioned, but. I think Salza genuinely believes in Cooler- the latter kind of ‘saved’ him from Brench, a place where he was the very best and that bored him almost to death; and Salza was always sadistic, so the fact that he not only got a job about making ppl miserable (or better- killing them), but actually gets to do it with someone else (even if it’s in professional terms), Salza just. REALLY looks up to Cooler. But as his right hand, he actually got to witness Cooler talking with his father/brother, and how they argue- that made Salza realize that, as tough Cooler is, he’s a real person and certain things can get on his nerves. And so Salza comforting Cooler is. Very important to me

My unpopular opinion about this character: h-he.. trans,. Boy- no but legit uhm tbh. he’s better than Frieza in some ways, fight me. Much more potential. Proof: how ToP Frieza was just re-iterations and nothing new- the only thing new being that last attack w goluband that’s it. While Cooler! There’s so much you can explore- feelings-wise especially. Because imo he HAS feelings but he was taught to show otherwise

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: honestly? As much as i’d like him back in a movie, something i kept thinking/hoping would happen was Cooler and Trunks’ interaction potential. Like both have harsh fathers, and idk they could have some kind of relationship based on that? Like not ANYWHERE near friendship- or anything like that; more like a ‘i thought i was the only one with this problem’ kind of relationship.

Favorite friendship for this character: SALZA LOL and DBHeroes Trunks, even if it breaks my hope for them bounding out of convienance but also bc of dad issues

My crossover ship: honestly HONESTLY Satori from 2hu. They’re like, the same. Asocial creepy older sibling that, in-universe, isn’t very liked, while their younger is going around and being a nuisance at best. They could talk over tea, and put their younger parasites in cages while doing so

🎶🎵🎶🎵Pop’n music i guess?!!?? even though i never played it and i’m just digging the songs and chara designs?!?! Anyway my fav is Yima

How I feel about this character: i love everything about him? The fact that he’s very visually different and unique from all other characters and in general, how no one seems to know what he really is, and especially. ESPECIALLY! How he apparentely never talks, and expresses himself via dancing, by taking poses that look like kanjis and symbols. Also apparentely he’s super in touch with nature and ‘the gods’, so he’s never seen with anyone else? Asocial creature... Good!

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: he doesn’t know what a romance is. And he wouldn’t eat one because honestly i’m not even sure he has a mouth. The only ‘proof’? Sign? He has SOMETHING is that one pose where he’s smoking a pipe/using a flute. and according to the creators his ‘likes’ is Love, but honestly i think it’s the kind of love that goes beyond mere romance. The love of living, being alive. Deep love.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: well. Technically the only thing he communicates to- (intentionally) is the player? So what if he’s aware of the player- are they one of his gods? I think that’s interesting to think about.

My unpopular opinion about this character: he’s a very unique character, much better than the protagonists that look good in the Pop’n music style, but would like any other anime human otherwise. If anything, proof of that is that one game where the style DOES change to an anime-like one, and Yima still looks unique while the others are undistinguisable if you take off their colors and/or features

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: HONESTLY i know this will never happen and maybe that’s a good thing? But i think he should be shown with Hoshi no Hito- which is kind of the entity antithesis of Yima. Yima = unknown entity that strives for Love, the gods, nature/life/fertility. Hoshi no Hito = unknown entity that strives for ??? Who knows actually but is tied to ‘Paradise of the universe’ and ‘Heaven’; the latter according to one of his theme songs, that has VERY strange imagery and looks stranger than Yume Nikki, making that ‘Paradise’ notion kind of. Like are you sure?? But yeah they’re similar while contradicting each other, it’s very strange and honestly not sure if it’s intentional, but if it is: do something with it, you’ve got something VERY unique on your hands! Do this and i’ll actually get into this series tbh.

Favorite friendship for this character: the way he loves nature and his gods is very endearing. Invite the player into it, Yima

My crossover ship: what is romans again i forgot

❤️KH and then you can leave, my child. The text wall is almost over........ Xemnas time.

How I feel about this character: me! BIG GAY! FOR XEMNAS! SINCE 2011!!!! Like bruh i remember i made a Gary Stu to date all my fav KH boys (Xem, Zexion and Vanitas- that are still my top faves. Been so for 9 years then lol?! Im old.) and my totally-not-a-secret-selfinsert would actually be in a relationship with Xemnas- even if back then, Xem wasn’t REMOTELY in character lol. So somehow it took me YEARS to realize how truly great Xemnas is? Like before i was only like ‘he’s one of the most handsome 3D men of all time’. Now i am like exactly that, BUT! He’s also a cult leader, not entirely human, and a mean villain so 👍👍👍. And while i have mixed feelings abt the whole ‘he lied to the orgXIII about them not able to have feelings’ thing, proves he’s truly evil and/or emotionless.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: no one- another aro/ace lol. But to be fair- this one makes sense? He has NO EMOTIONS. He doesn’t even seem to understand friendship? So love? What is that

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: well ok this is one somewhat implied and never shown, and i was going to do a picture about it (i’m still going to do it lol) but. According to Nomura in an interview, Xemnas and Zexion have a teacher-student relationship? Which makes a lot of sense? Because: 1) Zexion is the ‘kid that mostly grew up in the cult, so doesn’t know anything else’ trope. 2) their powers can somewhat relate imo? Zexion has illusion powers. Xemnas has nothingness powers- and aren’t illusions nothing, in a way...? That one might be just me tbh- but i can kind of see them talking about their powers together. 3) Zexion is a ‘schemer’- he’s no stranger to manipulating people- wouldn’t it make sense if he learmed that from Xemnas? I honestly doubt he learned it from Lexaeus, Vexen or Ansem- and Xigbar is WAY too subtle. Might have learned from Xaldin as well but legit i think it’s Xem who taught it to him.

My unpopular opinion about this character: i don’t think he should be redeemed- they avtually didn’t do that, which i’m glad about. He lied to people for 10 YEARS about them being unable to feel, all that so he could softcore brainwash them later so they could be more like him, so not worth redeeming lol...

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: ... BUT... tbh. I think the fact that he’s Terra’s nobody should have been much more explored. Before kh3 i even hoped Xem would have what i call an ‘asriel moment’, as in ‘i’m a bad guy but in the past i was a completely different person (literally) and let me have a breakdown over it’. Also hoped that would have made Terra’s Kh3 design- as in Xemnas’ look (long hair, face) with Terra’s colors... but no they didn’t do that, instead they did something that kind of makes sense since Xem died in kh2, but also did a weird thing with Terra that i don’t get and frankly don’t care about bc it doesn’t involve Xemnas

Favorite friendship for this character: again i don’t think he understands friendship... but i love the idea of Xigbar fucking with Xemnas and the latter tolerating it. I mean in canon it’s mostly shown that SAÏX is the right-hand man, but i like to think that it’s actually Xigbar but he doesn’t care and only annoys everyone

My crossover ship: not really a ship but. Since Xemnas and Cell’s JP Voice actor is the same person... and that they’re both villains that really love themselves... interact

[aliteraryprincess]

My Decade in Books

I was tagged by @flamingmirrorbookish. Thank you!

The rules: respond to the prompt “my decade in books” however you want, & then tag some ppl! I chose a book or series to define each year of the decade, some w/a little description. You can do that, or make up your own response

So this was tricky because 2010 through early 2014 are murky because I wasn’t keeping track of what I was reading. But I’ve done my best! Mainly it will be between one to three books per year, but there is one where I did more.  

2010 - Ugh 2010, what a horrible year. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. This was the year that my depression, anxiety, and eating disorder really began to manifest. I read tons of books because I didn’t have friends anymore, but I can barely remember most of them. The Bell Jar was summer reading for my senior year of high school It showed me I wasn’t alone in my struggle with mental illness and gave me a character I could relate to.   

2011 - Another horrible year in which I continued to struggle with mental illness. Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. I reread this early in the year for a Women Writers project. It once again gave me a character I could relate to and made me realize that I needed serious help for mental health problems, especially the eating disorder. Even after reading the book and having this realization, it would be another year and a half before I was in a better state. 

2012 - I was slowly starting to get better, and by the fall semester (sophomore year of college) I finally had friends! The major book I remember from this year was Peter Pan, which I wrote a 20 page paper on for a Children’s Lit class. It’s a bright though bittersweet story that I read at a point in my life where things were starting to look up even though everything wasn’t perfect. It was also the first college paper I wrote that I was really proud of.  

2013 - Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë, and Agnes Grey by Anne Brontë. I did a major project on the Brontës that year, if you can’t tell haha. This class and this project made me realize that I wanted to go into literature rather than creative writing. And after reading (or rereading in the case of Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre) these books, I knew I wanted to focus specifically on 19th-century women writers.  

2014 - The year I actually started keeping track! North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell and We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson gave me new books to add to my list of favorites. Margaret of Anjou: Queenship and Power in Late Medieval England by Helen E. Maurer marks my project on Margaret of Anjou for my UK travel course. The course gave me the chance to do research in the British Library and feel like a real scholar. It also made me decide to apply for grad school in the UK.     

2015 - College graduation, the start of grad school, the start of this blog, and more struggles with mental health. Oh boy! I’m actually going to split this year into two: pre-grad school and during grad school. So pre-grad school: IT by Stephen King, Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling, and The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth. These were all read during the summer, and it was the perfect mix of nostalgia and coming-of-age for the point I was at in my life. During grad school: Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell and Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins, both of which were rereads. I was severely depressed and homesick, and these are two of the books I read as “comfort reads.”     

2016 - The end of grad school, moving home, getting a job, and more depression. Wuthering Heights (again) and The Lancashire Witches by William Harrison Ainsworth for my dissertation. I spent a LOT of time with those. Also All for the Game by Nora Sakavic, which joined the list of my favorites and became my ultimate comfort books.

2017 - This was the year I read the most books (that I’ve recorded): 140! That makes picking for this extremely hard. First off we have Wintersong by S. Jae-Jones, which was my most anticipated book of that year and quickly became one of my all time favorites. Then we have Under Rose-Tainted Skies by Louise Gornall, which gave me excellent mental illness representation. I was also able to share it with my mother so she could have some idea of how my anxiety disorder makes me feel. It actually made her really understand it for the first time. And then we have A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara, which broke me and left me sobbing for a week, but in a good way (if there is a good way of sobbing for a week).   

2018 - This was another year defined by the Brontës. I reread some of the novels and read a ton of nonfiction. Probably because I kicked the year off with The Brontës by Juliet Barker, which was the best biography I’ve ever read.

2019 - What an odd year this was. It was a year of really thinking about my life and my choices. And that’s best summed up with Disgrace and The Lives of Animals both by J. M. Coetzee. I hated Disgrace. It sent me into a month long depressive episode. But these books made me think about the way our society treats animals and the way I myself treat them. They made me start to consider becoming a vegetarian. They made me look at some truly ugly things and really think. It sucked, but ultimately it was good for me.

 I’m not sure who has done this already, but I tag @the-forest-library, @lizziethereader, @thelivebookproject, @lettersfromthelighthouse, @brightbeautifulthings, @bookcub, and anyone else who wants to do this.

[flying-elliska]

hi ellie, you'd mentioned being french and you seem like a lovely person whose posts i relate to a lot so i hope you won't mind me asking you some tips on integrating french society *nervous smile emoji*i'm currently doing my masters in paris and i really want to socialize more and also find a part-time job, but it's been really hard. i speak the language and did most of my studies in french, but i'm not european and i do get stereotyped a lot, what can i do to change people's perception of me?

Hey anon ! that’s very sweet of you <3

Now bear in mind, I am French, yes, but also Dutch and I left five years ago, and one reason for that was that French type socializing wasn’t honestly my favorite, lmao. I have an ‘inside-outside’ perspective that might not be the universal one, and I honestly became a lot more social once I left France. So in a way I do feel your pain lmao. That said ! I do think I can give you a few tips :

- Now first of all I don’t believe in bending over backwards/changing your personality to make friends. But ! That also dovetails into the fact that French people tend to dislike or avoid anyone they perceive as ‘fake’, trying too hard, pretentious, or artificial - and their standards for that are very broad, encompassing people who smile a lot, are very loud, are high strung, talk blatantly about their own achievements, are too happy or enthusiastic, etc. Now, if you’re naturally any of these things, again, don’t try too hard too change, but adopting a more laid-back, slightly blasé, low key attitude might help you.

- Expat sites are fond of saying that French people are like coconuts, tough to crack but once you’re in, they’re pretty ride-or-die (compared to anglophones, who are likened to peaches, friendly on the outside but hard to really know). That means you might have to spend more time in company of people before actual friendship happens, don’t get discouraged too quickly or think people don’t like you if they’re not instantly very friendly ! A lot of French students don’t bother to get to know internationals because they’re going to leave anyway so what’s the point ? So I think to make real friends, you often have to show you are committed to keeping in contact even if you leave. A lot of French people are not really into ‘collecting casual acquaintances’, I feel. Also, privacy is a huge thing, and spilling or asking for deep personal stuff w sb you don’t know well is not great.

- Things that go over well : sarcastic/acerbic/dark humor, showing that you have a well developped opinion on cultural stuff, a critical mind, a strong sense of personal style, complaining about things in a witty way as a way of bonding, showing you don’t take yourself or things in general too seriously. I made most of my French friends while bonding over shared interests and having deep philosophical conversations (well, most of my friends actually, but maybe that is my French side lmao) and I feel there tends to be a very intellectual aspect of bonding there. I mean not always lmao but...yeah. I met a lot of people because they/I said something original and interesting and the conversation sprung from there, even if it’s a polemic at first, it can lead to somewhere interesting. You might want to think about specific conversation topics to start. Don’t be afraid to openly (playfully) disagree with people, that can be appreciated and seen as a sign of a strong character. It’s tricky because French humor can have a lot of layers and is not always easy to understand but in doubt, go for dry and absurd. I have some French friends I call once in a while just to be bitchy about things and it’s suuuuuuuch a relief ; inversely moving to the Netherlands I had to learn how to be a lot more positive not to be seen as a downer lol. French ppl can be mean to show affection too, but be careful not to insult people too directly. In general, if you want to socialize going to clubs, classes, or specific evenings about a topic are a good way. 

- As for getting a part time job honestly i feel that’s a lot more depending on where you want to work etc I can’t really give you precise tips there but I think in general showing appropriate politeness in a French way (discretion, neatness, formality) and showing that you’ve thought a lot about what the work entails would help

But yeah those are very broad generalizations, it is also like everywhere about finding your people who are into the same things you are, and there are assholes who are going to stereotype you because they’re just assholes. Be kind to yourself, being abroad is always a very complicated and intense experience, there is nothing wrong with you for struggling ! <3 Just keep trying, experiment, and don’t take it too seriously if something doesn’t work out, most often it’s not about you. Reading books on intercultural communication might be interesting (I got the Culture Map from Erin Meyer, it sounds relevant). And let me know how it goes if you want !