#(remembers who he is and realizes hes been Evil for 60 years and responsible for the deaths and sufferings of hundreds):

[a-big-chicken-nerd]

the textures on zanes vs the ice emperors sleeves are NOT the same btw hes got a cool new outfit on for his reign of terror hes the most stylin emperor alive (ignore how the texture turns back as soon as he gets his memories back hes just built different)

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

My likely plans for The Mask Rebirth Part 3

This is something I told Kaijuguy earlier that I’m gonna write this. But I’m not gonna make it yet. Because I’m still wondering about it. And also on Thursday, me and my family are gonna go to Universal Studios. And we’ll be back on Saturday. I will likely have my phone. But I may not post a lot or...it depends.

Part 3 is something I’ve really wondered about. Including having some inspiration from, “The Hunt For Green October”. But instead of shoving Ray Tuttle and his daughter’s story into this. I’ve decided that...may be part 4. So those jokes I said to Kaijuguy are likely gonna be a thing.

Anyway, I strangely want to make this seem like a leaked plot details thing before a movie comes out. You know that kind of shit right? I think I just want a reaction of how people may feel towards it. Before I officially make the thing.

Including I just wanna mention what I did with part 2. It strangely felt like an adult extended The Mask Animated Series episode in a sense...that was something I had thought long ago...but let’s get to the point. Of what the direction for this story was.

I have said characters like Owen Big Head, Stanley Big Head Killer, Davida Steelmine, Walter, and Pretorius are involved with this. And I may just reveal the secret behind Pretorius that I have kept secret. If I want to go through with it.

The story may take 6 months after part 2. With Edge City in a much better position after crime has seriously lowered down. And I’ve been thinking part 1 takes place in January. Part 2 takes place in June. And finally, part 3 takes place in December. So in a year, Owen has had the Mask Of Loki for nearly a year.

With Edge City actually being in a more peaceful state. But this doesn’t take place during Christmas. It’s before it. Owen’s mother, Anna, decides to take her son and their roommate Tina on possibly a two week vacation. With Leonor joining them. With the vacation taking place in either Finland or Sweden. Very likely Finland. Despite knowing he needs a much needed vacation. He brings the Mask Of Loki in case. Practically bring Loki along as well.

But during those 6 months. Stanley was thought to be dead after his body wasn’t found. But in fact, he had survived and tried to start a new life with a new name in Edge City. Mainly due to the possibility the police and Big Head may try to look for him. Stanley is more anti social and angry at life. Keeping to himself, like a hermit. Until an unknown man gives him a mysterious gift. A green mask of sorts. 

Having kept his memory of wearing the Mask Of Jormungandr. But weary of Davida’s deception of him. He accepts the strange gift.

During this as well, after 6 months of being in prison and everyone against her. Vicky Pratt, mostly known as Davida Steelmine has escaped prison. With a new goal of exacting vengeance upon Owen Heffernan. But first going to the young man’s house, sneaking in, and taking the Mask Of Hel. And finding out he’s in Finland. She wants to start a new life. But she’s angered by having been exposed for who she is. She wants payback first.

Back to Stanley, when he wears the mask. He turns into what appears to be Big Head. But looking different. But to Stanley, this is the greatest thing ever. And possibly better than being Serpent Man. He embraces the terrible nature of the mask starts using his newfound powers by killing the Butcher gang first. Which had beat him up much earlier. And while I question if I wanna make Stanley’s rampage one night or two. 

Compared to Owen’s first outing as Big Head. Which was mainly fun mischief. Stanley goes on a killing spree against people that have wrong him in anyway. Even such as the car mechanics, a man who owned him 60 bucks. Which also results in him killing many police officers trying to stop him.

But there’s a goal in mind that Stanley has. To find Vicky/Davida, Tina, and finally Big Head himself. The goal to finally kill all three. The ones that hurt him the most. 

Yet during a situation where it’s only Kellaway and Stanley. Kellaway is confused and horrified by what seems to be Owen going on a random savage rampage. He tries to talk to him and calm him down. Asking him if something is wrong, instead of getting angry at him. But to Kellaway’s shock, Big Head tells him, “Who the Hell is Owen!?” And asking why is Kellaway calling him that and maybe Stanley revealing who he is, likely not. Which results in both realizing two different things.

Kellaway realizing, horrified, but strangely relieved that this Big Head isn’t Owen. And to Stanley, he’s shocked and remembers Owen Heffernan, he puts it together. Realizing Owen is very likely Big Head. 

After escaping the police, and going to a place where he could hide. Stanley is met Walter, and the two fight. But the same man who gave Stanley the mask tells Walter to stop fighting him. Revealing Walter is with this unknown man. He reveals himself to be Septimius Pretorius. A very secretive man that the crime lords of Edge City would send traitors or anyone they hated to be tortured. But due to his secretive nature, and no one exactly knowing who he is. Most people didn’t like talking about him. As some gangsters would tell others stories about Pretorius to scare them. Along with Dorian when he was alive having met Pretorius in person before, and praising his work.

I’d like to admit, I got this idea form @kaijuguy19 I tried to remember. So thank him. On the part where I talk about Pretorius and Walter being strangely friends in a way.

And the biggest thing that made people strangely afraid of Pretorius. Despite he never made an attempt to be a crime lord. He was the one who made Walter who he is. While Walter was strong and huge already. He met Pretorius earlier in life, and Septimius has told others he merely improved Walter. 

He reveals he created that duplicate mask for Stanley personally. To help him achieve his revenge and give him want he wanted. Despite Stanley’s hesitation to trust someone again. He gains Stanley’s trust by telling him that Vicky/Davida and Tina/Kathy are in Finland. But also telling Stanley what he has been wondering. Confirming that Owen Heffernan was his hero, Big Head. Who is in Finland as well with Tina too.

While not considering Pretorius or Walter as new friends. Stanley joins them, with Pretorius giving them a private plane ride to Finland.

Back to Kellaway, who tells Lionel that this Big Head isn’t Owen. And he believes him because of how radically different this Big Head dresses and sounds. The two go to Owen’s house. But realizing Davida has snuck in and stole her old mask. What horrifies the two more is the catch that she’s gonna be possibly going to Finland as well. 

Wanting to confront the Owen himself instead of calling him. They take a plane ride to Finland. With possibly trying to come up with a reason why the Big Head Killer is going there. But also maybe Davida. I’m not sure about this. And I may change this. Such as trying to call them. But they don’t have their phone numbers.

So in this case.

In Finland. Owen as Big Head and others are gonna have to face off Davida Steelmine who wants revenge. Walter, who wants payback as well. But also Stanley as a new Big Head, who desires the same thing. But against Davida and Owen. With Pretorius in the background.

In what is said to be the happiest country in the world....holy shit.

Now Pretorius. This was this the idea I felt was crazy. So I’ll just reveal it. The idea that Pretorius was one of the survivors of Ragnarok. And was responsible for killing Sigyn. The wife of Loki, and the one keeping Ragnarok at bay. With Sigyn’s killer never found, her death was the final kick in Loki’s becoming ultimately evil. Presuming the gods had killed her. Thinking the gods want Ragnarok to happen. And becoming more nihilistic, resulting his fate within the mask.

Along with the other idea combined with that Pretorius was one of the survivors who had imprisoned Hel into her own mask. But also being the one who had come up with the idea to imprison Loki and his family that they felt caused Ragnarok. But due to this, his existence was ultimately covered up by the survivors of Ragnarok. And he didn’t mind that. Not a god, but merely someone able to use magic in a similar fashion like science.

Having lived throughout history with humanity for so long. He came to Edge City because of it’s horrible nature with crime. And one of the only people who seems to have developed a sort of friendship with Walter. Mainly both respecting each other for their talents. But also Walter respecting Pretorius for making him stronger than before.

Having believed the masks have been lost to time. Until Big Head showed up. He was curious, yet confused. But when Dorian had become a giant werewolf in a way. He started to wonder if humans have finally found the masks. His suspicions were confirmed when it was revealed Davida Steelmine and Stanley Ipkiss had been using the mask of Hel and Jormugandr. But also even learning the Mask Of Loki before all this, was found in Africa before. Yet it was stolen and never found again. With smaller stories of an similar Big Head like figure causing mischief. But he suddenly disappeared.

Having kept in the shadows, trying to figure out who was really Big Head. And why wasn’t the wearer gone insane. He eventually found out, but didn’t act on anything. But what he had learn is that Stanley Ipkiss to him, should’ve been the one that found the mask and not Owen. Believing the young man had tainted the mask, and possibly changed Loki.

After 6 months, trying to create what he felt was a better mask. Using whatever magic he had left. With the inclusion of voodoo involved. The Death Mask, a duplicate of Loki’s mask and soul.

I think I’ve said enough...hope you folks like this. Mainly you Kaijuguy lol.

[punkofsunshine]

The (Informal) Miniature Anarcho-Solarpunk Manifesto

The integration of communalism into a classless system away from the main caste-esque system of hierarchy around the world is very costly when viewed from a consumer lens, but is essential in the degradation of the overbearing hierarchy that the main populace is subjected to and thusly become numb to the pressures placed upon them from an early age, spiral into endlessly consuming for a sense of being in a world that doesn’t care if you’re alive, to them you’re just a replaceable cog in the profit machine. The goal of the communalist, socialist, solarpunk, etc. should not be to live in their own bubble, but to expand their influence exponentially through participation with the outside world, turn a commune into a city as it were. Less people in a place that has dictated control by the state and the consumers within, the less control the state and capital have over people. A migration of people increases quality of life and food consumption, luckily food growth can be optimized to accommodate many people when given according to need as opposed to given to whomever has the money to afford produce. One must also keep in mind, the debt accrued is now a community responsibility, so the members will do everything in their power to keep people functioning in the community, that must include people paying off debts. Who are you if you let a fellow worker suffer on their own? Who are you to let a human such as yourself be subjected to the violence of the state in its many forms? Pushing back against such oppression is why we ascribe to this ideology, so we can taste freedom and save the earth from ourselves.

No individual is solely responsible for the pollution and poverty. Multiple corporations and their figureheads are. Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Bernard Arnault, Qin Yinglin & family, Michael Bloomberg, The Koch family, Jim Simons, Alaian & Gerard Wertheimer, Mark Zuckerburg, Amancio Ortega, Larry Ellison, Warren Buffett, the Walton Family, Steve Ballmer, Carlos Slim Helu & family, Larry Page, Sergey Brin, Francoise Bittencourt Meyers & family, Jack Ma, Ma Huateng, Mukesh Ambani, Mackenzie Scott, Beate Heister & Karl Albrecht Jr., David Thomson & family, Phil Knight & family, Lee Shau Kee, François Pinault & family. Sheldon Alelson, The Mars family, Elon Musk, Giovanni Ferrero, Michael Dell, Hui Ka Yan, Li Ka-Shing, He Xiangjian, Yang Huiyan & family, Joseph Safra, Dieter Schwarz, Vladimir Potanin, Tadashi Yanai & family, Vladamir Lisin, Ray Dalio, Takemitsu Takizaki, Leonid Mikhelson, etc. (Forbes) The list could go on, but I’m not about to list four-hundred people, the people have to change what the ruling class refuses to, hijacking corporate manufacturing and removing police of their power is essential. The police are targets due to the fact they protect corporate interests and stunt progressive growth, all of the people listed above refuse to let power be taken from them, there are too few people willing to make attempts to go after them because what would happen to their favourite source of consumption if that happened? What would happen to convenience? It would disappear, they don’t want to have to make things themselves, such is the first world’s entitlement. Doing without the convenience to save the environment should be a priority, things aren’t going to just get better on their own just because you installed solar panels and an eco-friendly water filtration system. The extent of the work that needs to be done is tremendous and must be organized efficiently and with regard to equivalency of power.

The world is in the process of ending due to all the turmoil we put it through, but the fact we’re more worried about comfort and convenience is very telling of what kind of culture western society has, instead of trying to fight those who destroy the environment and oppress us, we’re eager to mimic them. Why? Because they have and we have not. Such is the downfall of the consumerist mind. A majority of Americans think like consumers, not citizens, which is very telling because the anti-communist culture moted it be after the second world war. (Vox) There’s no telling where the zeitgeist is headed, but there’s political radicalization on both sides of the spectrum, sadly the other side of the spectrum is what we fought against, fascism, nazism, and authoritarianism. 2016 through 2020 were the worst years in terms of hate crimes committed on minority groups since the 60’s which is really saying something, neo-nazi groups sprung up and made themselves the focus, where there are fascists, there will always be anti-fascists or to be informal, antifa. I, the author am a background informant for the loose collective known as antifa, our job is simply to let people know where rallies are going down, we use pseudonyms and VPNs so we cannot be tracked. So why am I telling you this? Isn’t this supposed to be about what we can do to rebel against the systems that oppress us? Yes, and I’m getting there. There’s a reason I’m talking about fascism, and that is the fact fascism and capitalism are linked together.

Fascism/imperialism has been described as “capitalism in decay” by Vladimir Lenin due to the fact that neoliberalism is capitalism functioning as normal, communism post-capitalism, and fascism is capitalism going away slowly. It is an unjust and evil way of looking at the world, but once capitalists sense danger to their power, they fund fascism just so they can keep their power for longer. Anti-fascist action is also anti-capitalist action, for every nazi destroyed, we are one step closer to freedom. For every capitalist institution raided and demolished, we are one step closer to freedom. The city isn’t made of buildings that you can buy from, it’s made of the people who live there, so when the BLM protests occurred and stores were “looted” and burned, that was a form of praxis that hasn’t happened in years it was truly inspiring to see the people of Oregon (among other places) fight the police, fight back the alt-right, give capitalists the middle finger, create autonomous zones, and keep people from getting evicted during the pandemic. That is what communalism is partly about, supporting each other in the face of adversity no matter the cost of personal wellbeing, it’s the pinnacle of mutual aid.

Revolutionary action is one-hundred percent essential in securing future freedoms for not only generation Y, but generation Z and subsequent generations. As a member of generation Z, I feel fear, anger, and dread when it comes to climate change and the fact our generation will have to clean up the messes of the former generations when it comes to pollution, greenhouse gas emissions, unsustainable farming practices, soil health degradation, deforestation, the melting of polar habitats, natural disasters, etc. The weight of the world falls upon our shoulders and we realize this as a truth or we reject reality and follow in our parent’s footsteps and do nothing about it, it’s up to us, the most depressed and angry generation in the U.S.’s rather short history to right the wrongs made by former generations when most of us can’t even find motivation to get out of bed in the morning. I am writing this manifesto in my bed as I have been for the past week when I remember to write it down. It’s not enough to just write a theory however, put practice in it and it becomes more than just a talking point. It becomes a movement, how far you want to take it depends on you, but I do not condone violence against any of the people in the list above for strictly legal reasons. It is not absurd to think that we don’t have a snowball's chance in hell to stop the impending climate disaster that is about to fall onto us, because that assumption is correct. The best we can do is rebuild afterwards then hope and pray the next generation continues our work to restore the planet and maybe move outside our solar system, god willing.

I’ve tried writing a short solarpunk novel, I realized that the fiction may be important for outreach, but I was trying to add personal political theory to a narrative that’s supposed to be about a character’s internal conflicts as opposed to what I’m doing now, informal political theory, which is why I’m addressing you, the reader. I’ve read and listened to political theory in the past, and it’s incredibly dry and hard to pay attention to, don’t get me wrong, it’s important when you’re a part of various movements such as eco-socialism, communalist-anarchism, and anarcho-solarpunk, but I think it’s more important to connect with a reader or listener to make sure they understand the message before saying “do some praxis.” That is the goal here, not to be the leftist, humane version Ayne Rand, but instead instill in people a hope for the future that learns to do without mass manufacturing, that learns to make their own food sustainably, that learns that we all have a right to food, clean water, housing, medical treatment, and clean air without having to pay for all of those things. I may not be a part of the bottom percentage of people, but if I were my point would still stand strong, the notion that you have to work to get basic necessities is immoral on many levels, but in “free market” economies that’s the standard and I was as blind to it as most people before I found solarpunk, it started out by liking the aesthetic, but I started thinking about what we do to our planet and realized this isn’t just a bunch of pretty pictures, this is an idea for a utopian future entrenched in equality, sustainability, environmentalism, and anti-corpocracy.

Many people say that socialism has never worked, they give reasoning such as “Income inequality expands under socialism.” Which is just capitalist projection, during the 2020 pandemic, which is still ongoing at the time or writing, the rich got richer and the poor got poorer. “. . . in the months since the virus reached the United States, many of the nation’s wealthiest citizens have actually profited handsomely. Over a roughly seven-month period starting in mid-March – a week after President Donald Trump declared a national emergency – America’s 614 billionaires grew their net worth by a collective $931 billion.” (USA Today) The middle class, which skyrocketed post-feudalism/post-monarchy has been getting erased by the ruling class, which is the goal of capitalism. Capitalism is rooted in the aristocracy or the bourgeoisie and was created to have control over the masses without having a direct economic power structure overhead. Things may have gotten better for the growing middle class and the poor marginally, then the industrial revolution kicked in and everything went downhill from there. Pollution began with burning coal, the car came along, now it’s coal and oil, and so on until today where we have access to truly world-altering technologies, but what’s holding us back are the people who continue to exploit non-renewable resources for profit and solely profit. The betterment of mankind isn’t on the mind of the capitalist, they can avoid global catastrophe, they aren’t the peasants, they’re the monarchs. Why do you think billionaires fund space travel and cryogenics research? It’s not to better the rest of the world, it’s to get the hell out of dodge after global warming takes its toll and they have no more workers willing to fill their pockets by letting their labor be exploited. As I said above, it’s up to my generation to fix the mess they made. Maybe we’ll learn a lesson, or maybe we’ll die in the process, either way the situation is dire and action needs to be taken.

Who will take action? Well, if you made it this far into the manifesto without falling asleep or getting angry at the things I have to say, it’s you, me, and everyone else who cares, is tired of selling their soul, and wants freedom. Freedom, not via the dollar, but via being human. It matters not your ethnicity, skin colour, religion (or lack thereof), sexuality, gender, or anything else; you matter, the world matters, and it takes all of us to save it.

-A manifesto by Aeron Fae Greenwood

[kmalexander]

The 2020 Cosmic Horror Holiday Gift Guide

The phrase “Black Friday” has a more menacing tone in 2020—especially here in the United States. Hopefully, you’re following the advice of the experts, staying home, laying low, wearing masks, and washing your hands. But a pandemic shouldn’t stop gift giving! So, once again, I took some time and assembled my List of Lists for 2020. In it, you’ll find a plethora of paraphernalia for the weird-fiction fanatic, cosmic-horror connoisseur, or mythos maniac in your life. As with previous years, I’ve worked to assemble a list of exceptional items for all ages and budgets.

There’s a few changes this year. First, I’m now linking to IndieBound for all books. Please do what you can to support your local bookshops and small businesses. Odds are they can get you anything Amazon can, and it’ll help out your community. Secondly, where possible, I’m also linking to the author’s personal webpages. Check them out. Follow them. It’s a nice way to stay current with what’s happening in the world of weird fiction. Please remember, while I’ve ordered these by price, the prices and availability are subject to change. I don’t have any control over that. Happy shopping!

 QUICK LINKS 

• Books • Music • Apparel • Games • • Housewares • Miskatonic •

Books

Mother Hydra’s Mythos Rhymes by Jarred W. Wallace $9.95 + Shipping (Paperback)

This mock children’s book features twenty-one sinister nursery rhymes twisted with a Cthulhu Mythos bent and illustrated by the incredible Heather Hudson. Also included is a complete Edward Gorey-style alphabet. Every budding cultist should learn their ABCs after all.

The Worm And His Kings by Hailey Piper $13.00 + Shipping (Paperback) $6.99 (eBook)

This arrived only a few weeks ago, and I can’t wait to dive in. Set in New York City in 1990, the story follows Monique as she hunts for her missing girlfriend. But the trail goes much deeper than she realizes, sending Monique into a subterranean world of enigmatic cultists and shadowy creatures.

The Stars Were Right by K. M. Alexander $14.00 + Shipping (Paperback) $2.99 (eBook)

I’m nearly finished with Book Four’s edits. So, if you haven’t, now is the perfect time to start reading my Bell Forging Cycle. Follow Waldo Bell as he is sent careening through the multi-level megalopolis of Lovat, fighting to clear his name as a bloodthirsty killer stalks him. It’s mystery and monsters, chases and cults, and an ancient evil in a world that is similar but not quite like our own.

RADIO by J. Rushing $15.99 + Shipping (Paperback) $3.99 (eBook)

A jazz-infused, opium-soaked, historical fantasy with a transgressive edge that explodes from the opening chapter and never relents until its final pages—a welcome addition to modern fantasy literature and weird enough that it earned a place on this list.

Murder Ballads And Other Horrific Tales by John Hornor Jacobs $16.95 + Shipping (Paperback) $7.95 (eBook)

Seems like it’s becoming a tradition to see a new book from John Hornor Jacobs on this list every year, and it’s no surprise. He’s arguably one of the best mythos writers working today. This collection of recent horror and crime short stories takes you through tales involving old gods to malevolent artificial intelligences, plus it includes the sequel to his 2011 novel, Southern Gods.

The Cipher by Kathe Koja $17.95 + Shipping (Paperback) $3.99 (eBook)

Part haunted house story, part body horror, part descent-into-madness tale all told in the style of Transgressive Literature. The Cipher is one of those stories I was shocked I hadn’t read until this year. Koja writes stunningly physical characters and knotted complex relationships that feel eerily familiar to anyone who’s spent time in artist circles. Enjoy the Fun Hole. (One of my 2020 Three Great Horror Reads for Halloween.)

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones $26.99 + Shipping (Hardcover) $9.99 (eBook)

At its heart, this is a horror novel about growing up poor and native in western Montana. But The Only Good Indians also a novel about revenge, mistakes, and their extended consequences. I blew through it. I grew up not too far from where this novel is set, and I have yet to find a recent author that captures the behavior and actions of the people in that area quite as well as Jones. You’ll never look at elk the same way again. (One of my 2020 Three Great Horror Reads for Halloween.)

The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin $28.00 + Shipping (Hardcover) $14.99 (eBook)

The first of the Great Cities series focuses on a roiling, ancient evil that stirs beneath the streets of New York City and threatens to destroy the city. New York must go on, and it will take five protectors scattered across the boroughs coming together to stop it. An allegorical response to Lovecraft’s work and a love letter to the city.

The Dark Brotherhood and Other Pieces by H.P. Lovecraft $650.00 + Shipping (One Copy Available—Sold via AbeBooks)

This rare late-60s first edition copy from Arkham House is in fine condition with a fine dustwrapper. It also comes with an inscription by the publisher and editor of this work: “for Herb Arnold from the compiler – August Derleth.” An extremely unique find and a unique piece of weird fiction history.

No book catches your interest? Check out the books featured in one of the previous guides. • 2014 Books • 2015 Books • 2016 Books • 2017 Books • 2018 Books • 2019 Books •

Music & Audio

Tribute To H.P. Lovecraft by Epsilon Eridani Free (Digital Download)

This atmospheric and somber dark ambient album is the third project from Mexican electronic artist Juan Pablo Valle. Blending instrumental tracks, spoken words performances, and recitations of parts of Lovecraft’s stories, this tribute serves as an excellent horror soundtrack.

The Yellow Sign $6.99 (Digital Download)

While Lovecraftian music often skews towards dark ambient or metal performances, The Yellow Sign goes takes a more orchestral approach. Composer Graham Plowman has created a fantastic classical soundtrack putting this album on par with any feature film—brooding, menacing, and wonderfully enjoyable.

Beyond Madness by Aklo $9.00 (Digital Download)

Erich Zann would be jealous. Aklo, like its madness-inducing namesake, is hard to pin down. But this album captures “the beyond” in ways not often heard in modern music. Part noise, part experimental, Beyond Madness is an excellent addition to any Lovecraft fan’s collection.

Live from Stockholm by Ogham Waite $12.00 (Digital Download)

Ogham Waite, one of Innsmouth’s Deep One inhabitants, and the Amphibian Jazz Band are the mythos’ answer to the lounge stylings of early Tom Waits. Bluesy and moody, this seductively smokey album drips with saltwater. Waite’s performance and delivery are melodious as they are melodic, a great addition to mythos music.

Ambrose Bierce’s The Boarded Window $20.00 + Shipping (Vinyl)

This limited vinyl pressing of Bierce’s unsettling perspective-shifting tale is read by Anthony D. P. Mann and scored by Chris Bozzone. Cadabra Records always goes the extra mile with their products, and it’s clear from the hand-poured red and white splattered vinyl to the incredible art by Jeremy Hush.

Deities by Tortuga €22.50 ($26.68) + Shipping (Vinyl) €5.00 ($5.93) (Digital Download)

This one showed up randomly on a playlist, and I found myself intrigued. Once I listened to it, I became a fan. Tortuga is a Polish doom metal band whose work is loaded down with intricate and heavy driving riffs inspired by Lovecraft’s writings. It’s good stuff.

Not finding any music or audio that interests you? Check out one of the previous guides. • 2014 Music • 2015 Music • 2016 Music • 2017 Music • 2018 Music • 2019 Music •

Apparel

Tiki Cthulhu Embroidered Patch $9.00 + Shipping

I see many patches as I search for new cosmic horror gear throughout the year, and occasionally I find one that rises to the top. This sew-on tiki-styled Ctuhulu is 3″ x 2.5″ and was created for the 2018 H. P. Lovecraft Film Festival. If you want a mythos inspired adornment for your bag or jacket that’s a bit outside the norm, look no further.

Cthulhu Socks $18.00 + Shipping

It’s winter in the northern hemisphere, that means you need to keep your appendages warm. Also, socks-for-Christmas is a right of passage. Why not consider getting these Cthulhu Socks from PutYourSocksOn featuring tentacles up the side and an illustration of the dead and dreaming Cthulhu on the ankle.

Sourpuss Tropicthulhu Rosie Dress $29.00 + Shipping

When you are associated with the ocean, you generally get associated with the tropics regardless of where your sunken city dwells. This 40’s style Rosie Dress allows you to show your appreciation of R’lyeh’s favorite son in a subtle but delightful manner.

Amulet of Azathoth £23.95 ($34.42) + Shipping

It’s the grandpappy of the mythos deities in amulet form! Well, kinda. A representation of the nuclear chaos beyond angled space himself. This antique amulet is a little over an inch and a half long and is cold cast in a mixture of resin and brass—a stunning little pendant.

Mother & Father Statuary Set $85.00 + Free Shipping

These handmade and hand-painted resin figures of Dagon and Hydra would work perfectly as bookends or garden statues. Aged in a way to evoke feelings of lost treasure salvaged from the seafloor or perhaps a dank and forgotten chamber somewhere beneath Innsmouth. Kinda cute to boot.

Cara Mater Silvae Shub-Niggurath Woodcut Print $187.50 + Free Shipping (Limited Edition)

Liv Rainey-Smith’s fantastic woodcut work has long been a fixture in the weird lit community. This limited-edition print is done in the style of a sacred icon and features a great rendition of Shub-Niggurath, The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young, or as my readers will know her, “Cybill.”

Keeper of the Nightmare Mask $331.53 + Free Shipping (Made to Order)

Plague doctors always cut a fearsome figure in humanity’s historical memory, but what lies beneath that leather mask and shielded eyes? This custom made-to-order mask twists tentacles to form that familiar (and terrifying) plague-doctor shape adding an extra level of menace to an already menacing form.

Not finding apparel you like? Check out the apparel on one of the previous guides. • 2014 Apparel • 2015 Apparel • 2016 Apparel • 2017 Apparel • 2018 Apparel • 2019 Apparel •

Games

No Players Online Name Your Own Price (Windows/Linux)

What starts as a simple old demo of a capture-the-flag 3D shooter found on a discarded tape eventually twists and turns becoming something else entirely. I’m a sucker for the 80s glitch aesthetic, and it’s used here in masterfully unsettling ways—multiple endings, interesting game world, very much worth your time.

Kadath $5.99 (Digital Download, Early Access)

This first chapter of a first-person cosmic-horror adventure has you following the case of a World War II Nazi train that vanished only to reappear in a cave in the Himalayas 75 years later. Dripping with atmosphere and filled with brilliant puzzles, this first chapter left me excited for Kadath and wanting more.

Fate of Cthulhu $20.00 (Downloadable PDF) $35.00 + Shipping (Book + PDF)

In this tabletop roleplaying game from Fred Hicks and Evil Hat Productions, you and your friends will find yourself sent into the past on a mission to prevent the future. It’s a race against time as you try to stop the stars from being right and prevent Cthulhu’s foretold return, all before you and yours are transformed into something monstrous.

Elder Sign Dice – Blue Aether $24.99 + Shipping

Infinite Black has been making some wonderful cosmic-horror-themed gaming products for a few years. They’ve finally gotten easy enough to nab for holiday gifts. These Blue Aether Elder Sign Dice stood out to me, but they have a robust catalog making it easy to find the right gift for the dicing Lovecraft fan in your life. (Or yourself.)

Fate of the Elder Gods $63.99 + Shipping

Cults battle cults in this race to summon your ancient order’s elder god of choice! But it’s not just the other conniving worshippers and cult leaders you need to worry about, crafty investigators are on the prowl, and they’re working to subvert everyone’s goals as well. Hasten the earth’s doom in this competitive area-control game for two to four players.

Hastur $274.99 + Shipping (Two Shipments)

I’m a big fan of the Mysterious Package Company, the quality of their products always impresses. This latest journey into the realm of Hastur is no exception. Taking place over several mailings, Hastur invites the recipient into the world of the King in Yellow, the play with the same name, and the utter madness that dwells within those words.

Not finding a game you’d enjoy? Check out the games on one of the previous guides. • 2014 Games • 2015 Games • 2016 Games • 2017 Games • 2018 Games • 2019 Games •

Housewares & Collectables

Cedric’s Eatery 11oz. Mug $16.00 + Shipping

It’s cold out, and you need a new mug. Why not pick one up from Lovat’s own Cedric’s Eatery located in the entresol between Levels Three and Four. An in-between place for in-between folks. Waldo Bell’s latest hangout. Fill your mug with 11 oz. of bad coffee, your favorite tea, or something stronger. [From the pages of the Bell Forging Cycle.]

Cthulhu Clay Idol & Letter $29.80 + Free Shipping

Alternative takes on the Cthulhu idol are rare. More often than not, we see the same shape repeated over and over. Because of that, this rawer, more original piece stood out to me. It feels more realistic in many ways, reminding me of the sort of thing one would find on an archeological dig. Plus, with the attached letter, you get a little mini-experience here.

Sea Monster Shower Curtain $32.00 + Shipping

There be dragons. And there. And there. And… well, all over the place! If you love weird old sea monsters and old maps, then this curtain will be perfect for you. Decorate your shower with this fantastic curtain featuring beasts that look lifted from early Renaissance maps. 70″ x 72″. Liner recommended.

Cthulhu Lovecraft Blanket $59.99 + Shipping

As cooler air moves into the northern hemisphere, we can all celebrate the arrival of the cozy season. To stay warm, why not cuddle up beneath this cotton and acrylic Jacquard Knit blanket featuring the squatting visage of The Great Dreamer himself? He might be cold but you don’t have to be.

Anxious Blob Original Sculpture $325.00 + Shipping (Supplies are limited.)

This weird little one-off sculpture of a nervous little entity is made with polymer clay and hand-painted. The eye sits beneath a glass dome giving this piece a unique character. Who among us hasn’t wanted an anxious blob with hundreds of teeth and a single staring eye decorating our walls?

Not finding a houseware item you like? Check out the housewares from one of the previous guides. • 2016 Housewares • 2017 Housewares • 2018 Housewares • 2019 Housewares •

Miskatonic University

Miskatonic University Pennant $15.99 + Shipping

I love seeing all the different takes for Miskatonic University collegiate gear. Here you can show your support for “Ole Misk” with a felt pennant from H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society and cheer on the “mighty Miskatonic Myrmidons” to another victory. Wave that banner proudly!

Miskatonic University Real Leather Notebook $41.40 + Shipping

Journaler? Artist? Writer? Mathematician? Norwegian sea captain? Random idea generator? If you’re one of these, odds are you need a notebook. This 8″x6″ Miskatonic-themed journal features 100 sheets of thick handmade Khadda paper and is durable enough for the dig site while still being elegant enough for the classroom.

Miskatonic University Wax Seal $48.07 + Shipping

Secure your correspondence with old friends from bygones eras who seek answers using this classic and exquisite seal. It might not stop prying eyes, but at least your old colleagues will know if someone’s been tampering with their mail. (Wax sold separately.)

Miskatonic University Hockey Sweater $109.00 + Shipping (Supplies are limited.)

Every sports fan needs a jersey. Miskatonic students are no different. It’s why when I came across this Hockey Sweater from Geeky Jerseys I knew it’d be perfect for the cosmic horror student in your life. (While this one is great, I’m hoping the superior Miskatonic 2.0 sweater becomes available once again.)

Not finding any Miskatonic University gear you like? Check out the Miskatonic University items from one of the previous guides. • 2014 Miskatonic • 2015 Miskatonic • 2016 Miskatonic • 2017 Miskatonic • • 2018 Miskatonic • 2019 Miskatonic •

  Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

So that wraps up the seventh annual List of Lists. Let’s all keep wearing our masks, socially distancing, and washing our hands so we can all do this again next year. Big thank you to everyone who has suggested items in the past to help me pad out this list. Y’all rule. If I didn’t get to your submission, fret not. There are many more holidays ahead. I appreciate the help.

Do you have a book, game, album, or other weird fiction-related items I should feature in 2021’s Cosmic Horror Holiday Gift Guide? Leave a comment below with links to your favorite goodies for others to see, or send me an email as a potential submission for next year!

Want to stay in touch with me? Sign up for Dead Drop, my rare and elusive newsletter. Subscribers get news, previews, and notices on my books before anyone else delivered directly to their inbox. I work hard to make sure it’s not spammy and full of interesting and relevant information. Sign Up Today→

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[oddeyevibes]

TLND Ch1: The Theatrics of it All

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Vice City or any of it’s characters, I only own my OCs. Also, many of the images and gifs used are not 100% representative of the story, there are chosen to help create ✨~ambiance~✨. 

Summary: Tommy has come to Vice City to kill people for money. For him, it’s business and a duty as a member of the Forelli crime family. Dallas has come to Vice City to kill people for money. For her, it’s business and an art form and a lifestyle that has been apart of her family for a long time. A lot might not see it, but they were made for each other. 

Trigger Warning: Blood, graphic depictions of violence

Prickle Pine, Las Venturas

1986

Most people in Prickle Pine always associated with people their neighbors have never seen. This is usually where the rich elites always found hanging out in the Strip lived anyway. So some old couple with nothing better to do but to people-watch probably wouldn’t be calling the authorities any time soon on seeing strange people come out of different houses every day of the week because it was too natural at this point.

So when a midnight blue Sentinel XS pulled up to the Michaels house. No people-watchers thought it was too suspect to see them get a wealthy-looking visitor. The front door opened revealing a man in a faded red and white striped bathrobe known as Bane Michaels. A middle-aged white man who made an infamous name for himself by helping produce some of those pornographic, action-oriented movies the porn industry has ever seen.

He was regular on The Strip and many of his more prudish neighbors came to know him for always having younger women visit while his much more older wife, went off to the hospital for treatment. People watchers merely thought it was another one of those visits.

Bane stood in the doorway a jittery mess as the driver of the Sentinel stepped out of the vehicle. By the look of her outfit, you’d be forgiven for thinking this was a woman whose husband died in “mysterious” circumstances. She was wearing a black pencil dress with a pair of black peep-toe wedges along with some thick-rimmed black sunglasses and a black shoulder purse to make the outfit look a little more perfect. For Bane, she was like an angel of death walking towards his door. This was the woman that would help solve his problems. 

“Well...don’t you look excited to see me.” She commented.

Bane moved aside and let her into the house, immediately locking the door and showing her to the spacious living room which looked like it never left the 60s. It didn’t help that there was a TV playing an old sitcom of that era.

The woman sat down on one of the single-seated couches across from Bane who relaxed as he sat down, waiting for the good news. “Well?”

“I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that you are now a widow, Mr. Michaels.”

Bane’s smile grew wide. “Hahaha! Thank you! Thank you SO much!” The man quickly stood up, grabbing the woman’s hand and shaking it frantically, much to the woman’s clear disdain. She yanked her hand out of his grasp. The man took the hint and sat back down. “Y’know, I heard about you from Carlos. I was so sure he was going to do the job until he recommended you.”

The woman shrugged. “Carlos got wrapped up in a more steady gig.”

Bane took the hint and nodded. “Once the life insurance comes through, I promise you, you’ll get your money. Never done something like this before so I’m not quite sure how long it’ll take.”

“Well, I have. Just make sure you don’t say or do anything stupid and suspicious. Remember, when the hospital calls, you don’t know she’s dead.” The way the woman spoke held an air of both sultriness and coldness. Bane was definitely talking to someone who has experience. “Unless they called already and you messed it up.”

Bane shook his head. “Nope, no call yet. Why don’t we…” Bane scooted forward a bit and flashed the woman a smirk. “Maybe we can wait together?” He asked.

The woman tilted her head to the side. “Are you trying to flirt with me?” She asked with a blunt tone of voice. There was no hint of reciprocation in her words.

Bane shrugged. “Well,” He casually leaned back against the seat. “I am a single man after all.”

“You’re wife’s body not even if a coffin yet.”

“That old broad’s been dead for years. Shame though...she was a real cougar, that one. It was fun running around with an older woman. Especially, when they’re loaded. The probably is, what we men want from an older woman gets lost REAL fast when age starts catching up with them.” He continued going on. “Tits start sagging, they need every pill in the fucking book to keep functioning, hair starts going gray, y’know?” He asked with a chuckle, but the woman didn’t respond. Once he realized she wasn’t going to laugh, he sighed and kept going. “Only reason I stayed with her was because of the money. Porn is nice and all but I wanted to do more. I wanna be big but in this city, you gotta pay big to win big, y’know? Edie, love her to death, but she wasn’t going to understand what I needed. I couldn’t let her divorce me either, she’d take her money and run, leaving me with nothing.”

“So you plan to find some young girl?”

He nodded. “Unless you’re willing to fill the position?”

“No.”

Bane chuckled. “Worth a shot.” The brown-haired man stood up and went over to a brown foyer table holding a variety of liquor bottles as well as a couple of whiskey glasses. He proceeded to pour himself a glass as the nearby landline phone began ringing. A smirk on his face, Bane waltz over to answer, prepared to pretend to be heartbroken.

“Michaels Residence, Bane speaking.”

“.....Michaels Residence?” The evil smirk on Bane’s face slowly disappeared. The man glanced back to the woman sitting on his couch. She was currently paying him no mind as she watched the silent erratic movements of the sitcom still playing. He turned his back towards her and continued the conversation. “Edie?” He asked in a terrified whisper.

“I’m not even in the dirt yet and you’ve already claimed my house?” The older woman said and the smile could be heard in her voice. Bane didn’t say anything in response. “What? No funny remark? You used to be made of them, Baney.”

“You’re alive?” He whispered, not wanting to alert the woman behind him since he planned on giving her a piece of his mind.

“Of course I am. You tried to pay for the Montoya’s to kill me using life insurance? I got something more reliable...an owed favor.” There was so much vile as she said the last part of her sentence.

PHT!

If the walls had eyes, they would be covered in the blood that quickly shot out of Bane’s forehead. With the little thinking energy he had left, the man’s eyes had shot up to try and catch a glimpse of the hole in his head. In a second, his body fell forward, colliding with the wall and crashing down on the table, knocking over the different bottles and sending them to the floor with a series of loud crashes as the phone in his hand was let go and fell in one of the puddles that began soaking the ugly colored carpet.

Turning his back to the woman proved to be a fatal mistake. His last mistake. Once he did, she had quietly made her way over to him, calmly pulling out a suppressed .22 pistol and waited for her moment to pull the trigger.

The woman flashed a satisfied smirk as she put away her gun before bending down to pick up the phone. “Ms. Rubio?”

“I wish I could’ve been there to see the look on his face.” The older woman sounded more than happy with the outcome.

“Well, he was very scared if that makes you feel better.”

“I suppose that’ll do.”

“You never told my cousin what you wanted in terms of body disposal.”

“I have some guys of my own. I want to see what’s left of the fucker. If it wasn’t for MY money, that ingrate wouldn’t have what we had now. To think that son of a bitch was plotting to kill me.”

“Small world though.”

“Indeed. When are you and your cousin leaving Las Venturas?”

“Should be by the end of this week.”

“Should have your money by then.”

“No need. This is a favor, remember?”

“I always tip.” The line went dead.

The woman shrugged and hung up the phone. She took a long look at the corpse before letting out a single chuckle and leaving the residence, locking the bottom lock behind her. As far as the neighbors knew, the woman in black that left Eden Rubio’s house was another young fling of Bane’s.

Several days later

Portland, Liberty City

Marco’s Bistro

“Tommy Vercetti? Shit...didn’t think they ever let him out.”

Sonny Forelli had a loud voice. Everyone in the Forelli family knew that. Hell, everyone in the families knew that. It wasn’t a voice that commanded respect but one that wanted fear. The Don of the Forelli family reveled in the fact that others feared him and if he felt someone didn’t fear him, he would take care of them. The idea of catching more bees with honey was a concept lost this Forelli man. He was a man-sized brat but no one in the Forelli Family would call him out on it.

The Don was currently sitting in his brother’s bistro alongside two associates, Casio Graci and Vincent Moreno, who had informed the man that Tommy Vercetti was officially let out of prison. The man that was now known as the ‘Harwood Butcher’ was sentenced away fifteen years ago on 11 counts of manslaughter. The thing is: he was only supposed to kill one guy.

No one besides Sonny knows the specifics of what happened and how a simple hit by a Forelli mobster turned into a bloodbath. It worked out though for the Forelli family’s reputation among the families. If someone like Tommy Vercetti was working for the Forellis, the other families kept their ears perked for any more Forelli men. Sonny didn’t like to admit it, but Tommy helped him...again.

Only a few men in the family knew this, but Sonny despised Tommy’s very existence. No one was dumb enough to comment on it though, out of fear of Sonny’s wrath. No one knew the specifics of it but it was clearly some sort of paranoia. The thought that everyone would look at Tommy the way they SHOULD’VE been looking at Sonny. There were some outside of Sonny’s close circle that had ideas but they were thrown out of the window upon hearing Sonny and the Forellis kept Vercetti from getting the death penalty.

“He kept his head down,” Casio explained. “It helps people forget.”

Sonny chuckled. “People will remember soon enough. When they see him walking down the streets of their neighborhood, it’ll be bad for business.”

The two associates glanced between each other with worried expressions. Cutting Tommy loose was probably not the best idea cause then one of the other families might take him in. Can’t have a hitman like Tommy working the Sindacos, the Sicilians, or the Leones. Definitely not the Leones.

Casio looked at Sonny. “Well, what are we gonna do Sonny?”

The Don sat back in chair thinking for a moment. Truth be told, Sonny didn’t want Tommy anywhere near him. He didn’t want him asking too many questions upon returning. Fifteen years? Vercetti was definitely simmering with curiosity. “Alright,” He leaned in towards the table, his face illuminating a bit more under the green light. His gesture causing the others to do the same. “We treat’em like an old friend and keep him busy out of town, ok?”

The two looked confused.

Sonny leaned back in his seat once more. “We been talking about expanding down south, right? Vice City is 24-Carat gold these days. The Columbians, the Mexicans, hell, even those Cuban refugees are cutting themselves a piece of some nice action.”

Vincent shook his head. “But it’s all drugs, Sonny. None of the families will touch that shit.”

The only reason Vice City had become a gold mind was because of drugs. Not just any drugs but the classic white girl, Cocaine. Most of the Italian mob stationed in Liberty City didn’t go anywhere near drugs. The most they dealt with being weed. Florida, Vice City, in particular, was a place where cocaine was becoming the wave. As of now, it was unknown territory to the families.

“Times are changing. The families can’t keep their backs turned while our enemies reap the rewards. So, we send someone down to do the dirty work for us and cut ourselves a nice quiet slice, ok?” He explained. Sonny looked over to Casio, “who’s our contact down there?”

“Ken Rosenberg,” Casio replied with an eye roll. “Schmuck of a lawyer. How’s he gonna hold Vercetti’s leash?”

“We don’t need him to. We just set him loose in Vice City, we give him a little cash to get started. Ok? Give it a few months,” Sonny relaxed in his chair. “Then we go down, pay him a little visit, okay? See how he's doing.”

Escobar International

Vice City

Tommy’s been down south maybe like...once. It was only a business trip and he’d stood in as one of Sonny’s bodyguards. The was fifteen years ago back in 1970 and he knew the city had probably changed a lot since then. The man wasn’t someone into the latest trends but still, the thought of missing out on a whole decade did something to him mentally. After all, he was barely an adult when he got locked up but hand the bodies of professionals that’s been in the game long before his birth.

Tommy thought about a lot while on the inside. He was grateful for the Forellis for keeping him off death row, he really was, but he was also suspicious of the events in Harwood. Unfortunately, Tommy would have to keep his questions to himself since the first thing that happened upon being released from prison was him being sent to Vice City.

Now instead of killing men left and right which, granted, he may have to do anyway, Tommy was meant to simply help the Forellis make some deals down south. Setting themselves up amidst all the other gangs that have claimed territory in the city.

He didn’t really know what his face looked like but it apparently caught Lee’s attention. “Don’t be so nervous Vercetti,” Lee advised, catching the man’s attention from watching the plane land through its window. “Harry and I have done deals like this before. Simple procedure, go in and out, hasn’t changed since you’ve been locked up.”

Tommy felt annoyed. “I know how these things work.” He shot back with a mild attitude.

Lee didn’t say anything or indicated that he was offended at the response, merely shrugged and went back to reading the magazine. “ Big Shot Porn Producer Reported Dead...robbery gone wrong? ” The man muttered.

Tommy turned his attention back to the window, trying to get back on his previous train of thought.

The air in Vice City was most certainly dry. Tommy almost felt sorry for anyone who didn’t dress down enough. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the bugs here were plenty and HUGE. The worst he dealt with in Liberty City were big ass rats and roaches and flies if a place was filthy enough. Here, the bugs have 34 wings and are always out to cross boundaries. Tommy wished he could’ve stayed inside the airport where the air was cool and the bugs were kept at bay.

But the sight of a white Admiral pulling up provided some quick relief. Though, the appearance of a frantic, curly-haired man in a white suit sort of dimmed in down. He never met Rosenberg but from what Casio and some of the others told him, Rosenberg was easily startled, like a lamb.

The car stopped before the three men and Ken got out, leaning on top of the car’s roof to greet the men. “Hey, hey, guys! It’s, uh, Ken Rosenberg here!” The man shouted. “Hey! Heh, heh, hey, great, hey!”

‘I hate this guy already.’ Tommy thought to himself.

He and the others not replying sent a chill down Ken’s spine, making the neurotic man even more nervous. The Forelli lawyer let out a nervous chuckle. “Well, uh, I’m gonna drive you guys to the meet, ok?” The three nodded and began entering the car, Tommy found himself situated in the back sitting next to Lee once again. Meanwhile, Rosenberg kept explaining the whole deal. “Now, I’ve talked to the suppliers and they’re very keen to start a business relationship, so, uh, if all goes well, we should, uh, be doing very nicely for ourselves, which is, y’know, good.”

With everyone situated in the vehicle, Ken began driving and explained the whole all the way to the docks about the sellers they’ll be purchasing from. Tommy wasn’t too bothered to make any type of comment or even inquire more about, a tiny part hoping Lee or Harry would do that for him, especially Harry, considering that he was the one sitting next to Ken and getting the most of the yammering. To no avail though.

The now 35-year-old let out a silent, annoyed breath as he looked out the window watching his new residence for the new months pass by him in a blur. This would all look nice to gander at if he wasn’t on business. ‘Maybe some other time…’ he thought. For now...just get the deal done was all that was on his mind.

Vice City Docks

Upon the vehicle pulling up to the docks, Tommy was a little on edge. Maybe it was because, in Liberty City, every hour was working hours, he assumed that the docks would be filled with workers paid to mind their own business with maybe one or two ‘ upstanding citizens ’ trying to play the hero.

However, the Vice City docks were damn near-deserted. No sign of anyone clocking in. Maybe the people they were selling to had those types of connections. To make a bunch of construction workers disappear with a snap of their fingers. But, since they weren’t already here, Tommy kind of tossed out that line of thinking.

The sound of a helicopter getting louder caught the attention of the four men in the car. Shaking off the jetlag and gaining their full attention.

“Ok, that’s them in the chopper,” Ken stated. “Ok, here’s the deal,” Harry and Lee began exiting the car while Tommy stayed to hear the rest of the stipulations. “They want a straight exchange on open ground. Alright?”

Tommy nodded, “Right.”, before exiting the car and walking with the other two Forelli men. Meanwhile, one of the dealers, a slightly overweight dark-skinned man wearing a red shirt holding two briefcases, no doubt the product, exited the chopper while his pilot waited and made his way over to meet Tommy and the others.

Once all four had come face to face the deal started. Tommy’s done these before. It was nothing new and nothing had changed. In and out. Get this over with and once all is said and done, focus on finding out what happened back in Hardwood. This is was the only reason Tommy didn’t make a fuss about immediately being put back to work upon being released. He wanted to ease everyone else who worked with him in order to get them talking. A good 20 minutes and he can get to work.

“You got it?” He asked the man in the red shirt.

The man smirked. From the demeanor, Tommy could tell that this man was someone who didn’t take nonsense much like him. “One hundred percent pure grade-A Columbian.” The man replied, placing the two silver cases before the trio.

Tommy gestured his head towards the cases. “Let me see’em.”

The man stopped for a second, looking up at Tommy. “The greens?”

Harry and Lee opened the cases they were holding, showcasing the money. “Tens and twenties,” Tommy replied, “used.”

The man nodded with a smirk, straightening up his posture. “Then I think we got a deal, my friend. Hahaha--”

They only needed a few more minutes to get this deal done but life showed that it had other plans when the sound of multiple gunshots rang out across the docks.

Tommy instinctively ducked as the bodies of both Harry, Lee, and most likely the man in the red shirt. The guy in the copter most likely lifted off and got the hell out of dodge.

That left Tommy to sprint like the wind towards Rosenberg’s car. Taking the phrase ‘leap of faith’ to a literal level when he vaulted through the open window of the backseat. Rosenberg peeled out as Tommy shouted for him to get out there.

Just like fifteen years ago, a ‘simple’ job went terrible in an instant. Between the adrenaline rush of the shootout and the deja vu from back then, the escape from the stocks turned out to be a blurry one for Tommy Vercetti.

The only words that came to his mind were ‘ah shit’ as Rosenberg frantically whimpered in the front seat.

Next Chapter ⏩

[briangroth27]

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark Review

I really enjoyed Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark! While I preferred Goosebumps as a kid, the three Scary Stories books were also an ever-present part of my childhood and I can vividly remember reading them by flashlight with the lights off. The vast majority of my early knowledge of urban legends came from the stories in those books and they certainly helped build my love of spooky things in general as well as the “kids encounter the supernatural” sub-genre of horror/sci-fi specifically. I haven’t read the books in years (though I still have them), but this movie made me want to revisit them because it’s so good!  

Full Spoilers…

Scary Stories is anchored by very strong performances from its teen cast. The main kids do really well with the material they’re given, crafting protagonists that touch on standard teen archetypes but that are also fleshed out, especially Zoe Margaret Colletti (Stella) and Michael Garza (Ramon). Stella is the most well-rounded and explored character in the film, and Colletti displays a huge range of emotion! She capably led the movie and she clearly has a bright career ahead of her. I liked that Stella was the most into horror and nerdy things among her friends, but no one treated that as weird even in this film’s era (girls have always been into nerdy stuff too!). The one thing I wanted more of in terms of her character was why “everyone said” it was her fault that her mother left. Feeling responsible for the absence of a parent is a common childhood misconception, but it seemed weird to frame it as something the whole town would be telling her without also giving a reason for it (though it did give her a connection to Sarah’s own persecution by the entire town, even if only in Stella’s mind). It was really cool of the movie to draw Ramon as the mysterious outsider kid rather than some troubled/tough white kid. That lent the movie a fresh feel while also touching on the racism of the period (which is still in full force today; one of many grounded horrors the movie dabbles in that are very much as relevant now as they were in the film’s 1968 setting). Garza brought an effortless coolness to Ramon that felt appropriately period while also acting as a great mask for his fears. Ramon and Stella’s budding romance was sweet and cute too.

Auggie (Gabriel Rush) and Chuck (Austin Zajur) were no slouches either, providing most of the film’s comic relief while also capably playing real terror and friendship. The two of them and Stella felt extremely natural as friends since childhood and Ramon also effortlessly blended into the group; these four kids’ chemistry was fantastic! At first I wished we'd gotten more personal connections between Chuck and especially Auggie’s fears and their personalities: most victims here face stories pulled from their established fears and anxieties, but Chuck and Auggie’s initially felt more random. A personalized connection to the stories the book used against them after “reading them” would enhance the scares and illuminate their characters, and after thinking about it more I think I may have an idea of what they're going for. I could buy Auggie as a hypochondriac, so eating a toe would be horrifying, and he seems to be the most afraid of spooky things among his circle of friends, so maybe his story is attuned to him, but just felt generic because of the more generalized nature of his fears. Chuck’s story is based on a recurring nightmare he has, but I think it’s more personal than that. The Pale Lady (Mark Steger) could be punishment for Chuck’s objectification of women via his pen, but I’m wondering if perhaps that pen is a front (given how quick to show it off he is, to prove his interest in it) and he’s secretly gay. He scoffs at Auggie’s attraction to Ruth (Natalie Ganzhorn), he’s attacked by the book in a mental hospital (homosexuality was classified as a mental illness in 1968), and his nightmare calls its red room (which turns out to be the entire building when the alarm lights come on) “an evil place” (conversion therapy is torture). I think the Pale Lady is a manifestation of conformity and traditional relationships being forced onto him (or rather, forcing him into their narrow definitions by literally absorbing him): she’s everywhere and he can’t outrun or escape her.

Chuck’s sister Ruth also got some solid depth: though initially introduced as a stuck-up and cliché popular teen, they quickly had her stand up for her brother. The fact that both of them annoyed one another but they still raced to help each other made their relationship feel very real. That she’s helping continue the search for him at the end of the film instead of being condemned to insanity forever or something is awesome too! Tommy (Austin Abrams) was the only teen character that was really written as one-note, but it was a frightening note, both because of the violence and racism he exuded and the fact that he could easily be a modern radicalized teen, filled with all the same kinds of hate, rage, and eagerness to go off and kill people in a pointless war that you can find online nowadays. Now that I think about it, Chief Turner (Gil Bellows) was also written fairly single-mindedly and he was also a villain. I wonder if that’s intentional: these human villains don’t have redeeming qualities or sympathetic backstories, so their racism and ugliness is fully on them. Of course, continuing to embrace racism is always fully on the racist, but this film isn’t even trying to make excuses for why they might be like that. I think the movie’s saying there really isn’t anything more to people who are this consumed by hate and ignorance. There’s no point in trying to reason with them because they’re exactly what they present to the world (except they’re not strong like they pretend: they’re just scared straw men). 

The movie’s main villain, Sara Bellows (Kathleen Pollard), does have more layers to her than these human ghouls: despite being “evil,” she’s presented as (initially) being a victim whose only crime was trying to warn the town about mercury poisoning in the water. After taking her revenge on her family for committing and torturing her, Sarah’s decline into unfocused rage parallels Stella’s inability to let go of her feeling that she drove her mother away nicely. I wonder if part of Sarah’s reason for attacking the kids just for finding and taking her book was because she thought they’d lie about her too; it’s when Stella promises to write and tell her story faithfully that she relents, after all. Skimming through the books again after seeing the movie, I realized I’d forgotten they were written to help you scare the people you were reading to, so I liked that Sarah telling stories tailored to her victims was her method of vengeance and that Stella had to help tell her story to end the terror. Those are cool ways to honor the structure of the books.

The film has a great mix of jump scares (some of which did work on me), gross-out imagery (Auggie and that toe, man!), body horror (Tommy’s fate was brutal and painful-looking!), and real-life terror (Ramon running from the draft resonated with me a lot; even as a kid growing up in the 90s, being drafted to go die in some war was a major fear of mine). It was sobering to see just how many of the societal problems of the late 60s (racism, pollution, white boy rage/toxic masculinity, useless wars, the wealthy screwing over everyone for profit, no one listening to women, etc.) still haven’t been solved today. I do wish the movie were a little scarier, but the overall tone is wonderfully spooky (and decidedly “fall,” which was great), while the comic relief breaks up the tension nicely. The design of the monsters is very cool, with some of them looking like they walked right out of the books. The pacing is brisk, the directing, writing, and score are all solid, and the actors all bring their A-game. Sarah Bellows’ book was a good way to weave the original series’ stories together and I really liked that our heroes don’t just forget or ignore what they’ve been through and walk away from the terror at the end of the movie. Instead, Stella, her father (Dean Norris), and Ruth are actively headed off to rescue Chuck and Auggie. I love that, like in the real world, you can’t just let evil fester: you’ve got to stand up and protect each other. Ramon also goes off to face his fears, enlisting in the army, but that was a lot more somber: I didn’t get the sense that he’ll be coming back (though I hope he will!).

I’d definitely watch More Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark and hope we get another movie (and a third one, if they want to go that far)! I love this spooky 90s literature renaissance that’s going on and I’d like to see it continue (please give me Goosebumps 3 and a show about The Adventures of the Bailey School Kids while we’re at it!). In the meantime, get your Halloween season started early, because these Scary Stories are definitely worth a trip to the theater!

 Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!

[graphicabyss]

Went to see Dark Phoenix. Honestly I didn’t get my hopes up but I thought “Well, it can’t be worst than Last Stand”. However, they proved me wrong.

I am very very disappointed. They delayed the movie for 1,5 years and it’s still such a mess? By now I an see that it isn’t just me, the movie bombed at the theatres and the critics thrashed it. I really loved the Apocalypse ans felt there was so much potential. What the hell happened? The only way for my soul to rest is to write a longass post to analyze.

The movie wasn’t just a bad part of an arc, it was a terrible ending to a whole franchise. Endgame wasn’t perfect but it did the best it could wrapping up the storylines, evoking emotions and making fans satisfied. Dark Phoenix did none of this, leaving most plotlines open and providing no emotional relief. Of course, Avengers had 22 movies to tell their story and 1 to 3 solo movies for the main characters, while X-men only had 3 movies for all since the retcon. But then The Last Stand had only two and it had more potential than this.

I’m not saying The Last Stand was good, it was a mess. But at least it did a number of things that felt right. For one, through just 2 movies all the X-men characters were very alive and emotional and their relationships solid. Jean was a mature woman, a familiar character who already made a huge statement by sacrificing herself to save the others at the end of X2. We also knew she was very close to both Cyclops and Wolverine and the final part where the latter killed her was actually very intense and emotional. Apparently, in the retconned narrative they removed Wolverine from the equation because it would look creepy. Which I think is pointless as even if Hugh Jackman looked 25, Wolverine was already about 90 when meeting Jean.

Thus, one of the biggest issues was that the current cast was fresh, most characters were only introduced in last movie and some were the enemies there so there was no space for much character of relationship development. Jean only just appeared in the picture, it was way too early to bring her to this ultimate ordeal.

It also brings me to First Class and how the whole narrative went astray because the First Class was not what it was supposed to be. I happen to know a thing or two about X-men comic books and that probably made it even harder to accept the very divergent movie version. Jean was the first X-man, not Mystique.

I did not mourn Raven. To me Mystique was the biggest problem of this whole new series. She had none of the personality and barely even used her power in the recent movies, being just a token and an old flame for Eric and Charles. Mystique is old and wise and very cunning. She is also pretty gay and of course mostly evil. I mean, she was one of the founders of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Rebecca Romijn was the only Mystique for me.

The whole Phoenix saga was a risky choice to begin with as in the comics, everything was revealed gradually over the span of 4 fucking years. But you’d think they would learn something from doing one unsuccessful movie.

This whole alien shape-shifting thing was terrible. It was way too complicated in the comics so I think they might as well just cut it from the story to make space for the character development and internal conflict within X-men.

Demonising Professor X doesn’t make any sense to me. He got vain? Sending the team on risky missions? And somehow responsible for Jean going crazy? All of that seemed like a desperate effort to create conflict while there was enough to go around already.

The story about Jean father also felt redundant. And Beast suddenly being crazy about Raven? What? Also, whatever happened to Moira? Not to mention Jubilee and other kids.

I realized the movie was not going where I wanted it to soon enough but I had that hope there would at least be a part with Peter doing awesome things. Instead, they injured him early in the movie and barely showed him for the rest of it. I then prayed for the very least a cheap sappy moment where he finally tells Eric he’s his son and shit but that never happened either. Not even going into Nightcrawler being Raven’s son.

One thing that made Marvel movies memorable was always humor present in almost every movie. That’s what made Endgame more human, you cried and then you laughed and cried again. Apocalypse had some too despite many tragic moments. But not Dark Phoenix. There was none.

But most of those things came to me later. I mostly just felt dissatisfaction. You know what really annoyed me more than it should during the movie ? How fucking perfect Jean’s make-up was all the time. Like, it wasn’t just good, she looked like a damn Maybelline model even after a cosmic battle. And her hair was from a shampoo commercial.

You know the movie was bad when you can’t even remember a thing you really liked about. There had to be something, right? Anything?

Well, there was Dazzler. For about a minute. I mean, that makes up for it, right? Oh, and I’m glad Charles and Eric finally hooked up. Even though Eric should be what? Over 60 by then. Just two old mutant queens in retirement.

Overall, the movie didn’t feel like an ending, good or bad. It felt like the narrative was just cut short, which it was. And to me X-man movies have been very much ups and downs with some terrible parts but also some really great ones. I felt like the new characters had much potential. Yet, with Dark Phoenix doing so bad it feels like this might really be the end.

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Halloween movies to watch back-to-back

The Thing from Another World (1951)

and The Thing (1982):

Both based on John W. Campbell's short story "Who Goes There?". The Thing from Another World was the first adaptation of the tale of scientists in Antarctica discovering a crashed alien ship. The nature of the alien in the 1951 movie is quite different than in the story. John Carpenter's The Thing is actually closer to the source material, and of course includes much more fiendish gore. The 50's produced an idyllic, boy-scout-like group of Americans fighting the good fight. The 80's had a grittier, more realistic take where everyone becomes paranoid.

Psycho (1960)

and Halloween (1978):

Nearly 20 years apart, these two horror films are interesting to watch back-to-back. Psycho explains the murderer through psychology. In Halloween though, the murderer can't be explained even through conventional psychology - he's always been that way, and is described as "pure evil". Both movies defined the thriller/horror genre in their own way. The 1950's and 60's was obsessed with psychological concepts. But by the end of the 70's, we had seen such terrible things in real life - serial killers like Ted Bundy and Charles Manson - and threw away the explanations in favor of mindless slasher flicks. And if you haven't already realized, Janet Leigh in Psycho is the mother of Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween. Screams run in the family.

Dracula (1931)

and Horror of Dracula (1958):

The very first Dracula movie feels more like watching a stage play - and that's because it was essentially a copy-and-paste of the 1924 stage play. Having emerged from the silent movie era, the focus is on the facial expressions of the actors and actresses. Bela Lugosi was well-known for his gaze and movements. Meanwhile, Christopher Lee dons the cape of the infamous vampire in Horror of Dracula, created by Hammer Films. The Hammer Films were known for making bloody B-movies, and shone with the talents of Peter Cushing (Grand Moff Tarkin in Star Wars) and Christopher Lee. While Bela Lugosi portrayed Dracula as the enigmatic, charming aristocrat with an accent, Christopher Lee portrayed a more terrifying, physically imposing villain who is violent and can pick a fight. The story is a looser adaptation of Bram Stoker's novel - but that's a good thing. It's nice to see the usual storyline that we all thought we knew shaken up. Christopher Lee continued portraying Dracula in numerous other Hammer films.

Frankenstein (1931),

Bride of Frankenstein (1935),

and Young Frankenstein (1974):

Simply put, it's REALLY funny to see Young Frankenstein right after watching the original Frankenstein movies.

The Mummy (1932)

and The Mummy (1999):

Few seem to remember that 1999's The Mummy is a remake of the long forgotten 1932 original. Both are obviously drastically different but still share some plot elements and names. It’s interesting how 1999′s mummy movie hearkens back to the swashbuckling adventure flicks of the late 20′s to 1930′s, even though the original 1932 mummy movie wasn’t a swashbuckling adventure. The original is more focused on building a creepy atmosphere. I like that the 1999 movie takes place in the 1930′s. We need more well-made swashbuckling popcorn movies that aren’t about superheroes.

Poltergeist (1982)

and Insidious (2010):

If you haven't seen either of them, I don't really want to spoil anything other than Insidious is kind of like a response to Poltergeist. You'll immediately recognize similar plot elements and then - the twist.

[doomedandstoned]

Closer To The End (part II)

~By Billy Goate~

Art by Ruso Tsig

Everyone has bouts of sadness, loneliness, heartache. For better or worse, it's a part of the human condition. There was some discussion after my last article about whether depression is something we can choose to walk into or away from -- like a bad attitude -- or whether in some people it may be more deeply ingrained in the psychological makeup, whether by nature or nurture. I thought it would be helpful to give you a window into my own background so you can understand when depression first made itself manifest and the different strategies taken to deal with it over the years.

Banished from this world, and from its toil I can only watch, grieve and pity Stare at stupid likes, wonder at people's smiles

I get more and more stress Nothing anyone can offer, more or less Done grieving, closer to the end

DON'T KNOW WHY

I vaguely recall spells of melancholy in childhood. The return from summer camp to a boring home with mom vacuuming and dad at work had me feeling quite empty and blue. It was a strange, bewildering state of mind to be in. Mom told me to snap out of it or else. There were a few moments that shattered my reality as a child. Realizing, for instance, that mom and dad were having marital problems. Hearing my pastor of a father say a swear word. Often, I would be startled awake in the dead of night to my mom shrieking at my dad, throwing dishes, insisting that he was against her. My dad was a patient man and knew that all was not right in her world. These things jolted me into new layers of reality, each accompanied by periods of moodiness and anxiety.

By the time I was in the 4th grade, I started having trouble in school. I was placed in one of those "talented and gifted" programs, though I never really understood why. I knew I couldn't see what my teachers were writing on the chalkboard. Panicked, I would ask students nearby what the hell the teacher was writing, only to be scolded for distracting the class. One particular teacher was downright mean to me, until she found out that I was having vision problems and needed glasses. Once she realized I was also the son of a preacher man, she tripped all over herself to be kind. Maybe she felt guilty?

Something else odd happened around this time. I came home with division homework one day and just decided not to do it. I don't remember if it was because my parents were too busy to help or I was just too stubborn to ask. There was no rational reason for it. The next day, I was shamed in front of the entire class by an Admiral Ackbar looking mother fucker named Mr. Davis. "Billy Joe, why didn't you do your homework?" he demanded. "Why?" His hand lifted my chin, forcing me to stare up into his beady little eyes peering menacingly behind his spectacles. Mr. Davis' rosy complexion turned beat red when I answered: "I...don't know."

I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know who I am

I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know who to be

SATANIC PANIC

My parents were tethered to a particularly pernicious strain of fundamentalist Christianity that got caught up in the "Satanic Panic" of the 1980s. That meant no D&D for me! Urban legends were shared in Sunday school and from the pulpit about young people who had necked because their character "died" in this forbidden game. It was the most sinister proxy for evil that I could envision at that time.

The Satanic Panic put everything else under the microscope: toys, comic books, and popular music were all suspect. A copy of Phil Phillip's 1986 "expose" Turmoil In The Toybox lay on the coffee table, pages well-worn and highlighted. He-Man, G.I. Joe, even Star Wars were viewed as tools of the Devil to recruit a desensitized generation of youth into his heathen horde. I'd wake up from one day to learn about something else I couldn't have, play, watch, or do. Video games would not be far behind.

One day, my mother caught me rocking out to the Scorpions in my room and immediately confiscated my radio, outlawing metal from the house (and basically anything with a rock 'n' roll beat). MTV lasted only long enough for me to be exposed to Metallica's visceral "One" and Guns 'n' Roses' "Welcome To The Jungle." While the classic days of rock's infancy were viewed as a time of innocence (I don't think my folks really got what "Blueberry Hill" by Fats Domino was about), anything stemming from the late '60s counterculture forward was viewed as dangerously corrupting.

Various factions within the church began playing games of connect-the-dots with the songs of Jefferson Airplane, Led Zeppelin, and Black Sabbath, tying them into a subservice plot by Luciferian cults and the shadowy elite (at that time Communists -- a favorite boogeyman of the era) who were trying to undermine undermining of God, family, and country by subverting its youth. All of popular culture was roped in with the conspiracy, too. Though the house was cleansed of its ungodly influence, the worst was still ahead.

Soon, my mother started cutting me off from neighborhood friends and finally pulled me out of public school altogether around middle of 5th grade. She had learned about this radical new response to America's failing education system through friends from another church who had just taken their own children out of school. Emboldened, she began homeschooling us in West Texas in the mid '80s, during a time when it wasn't a clearly legal practice. Every time the doorbell rang my siblings and I would run and hide, thinking the truant officer had come to take us away to foster care. I didn't understand at the time what I do now: my mother was mentally ill. Furthermore, she was in over her head. This became apparent when she tried to take on the role of teacher.

While I am extraordinarily grateful for the year or two of solid education she gave me (particularly in the writing and public speaking departments, two areas she and my father were naturally gifted in and which have been the buttress of my career), it wasn't long until she became frustrated with the Abeka and Bob Jones University curriculum we were using. One day, when I was struggling with algebra, she declared that we wouldn't have to learn it. "After all, who actually uses algebra in daily life?" she wondered. We were now self-directed learners, a radical new idea that was controversial even in the homeschooling movement ("un-schooling," they called it). Of course, I wasn't allowed to just sit around and watch TV. Consequently, I shifted my focus to the things that were more interesting to me: music, art, history. Math and science? Not so much.

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME

For years, I remained blithely unaware of what was happening in the world around me in the world of music. I lived in Arlington during the rise of Pantera, Topeka during one of Guns ‘n’ Roses most controversial shows, and Oregon during the height of the grunge era and the sunsetting of the Grateful Dead -- all of it veiled from notice. My life was devoted to church and, if anything, I tried to convince fellow Christians to separate themselves from the tainted allure of the fool’s gold of popular music, television, and video games. For a while, I was a true believer. Call it Stockholm Syndrome, if you like. Infractions of the moral code -- and the slightest temperament of rebellion -- were met with a freshly cut switch, which would leave stinging welts up and down my calves, tights, arms, and back. Thus my conscience was conditioned.

I remember happening upon the pornographic scene in George Orwell’s 1984 and afterwards feeling that the only right and proper thing to assuage my guilt was to burn the everlasting shit out of this smut. Even then I loved the novel, but I couldn't reconcile my faith with this section of it, so I purged it in the flame of backyard trash barrels. At my most fervent, I also lit the match to a stack of MAD Magazines and comic books. As harmless as they might have seemed to the average Joe blinded to the wiles of the Devil, these were gateways into realms of the flesh. “Walk in the spirit, not the flesh,” I recited to myself as fire brandished the yellowed pages of print, slowly turning them black until they were embers caught up by the wind and scattered into the sky. True story: I once threw away a perfectly good copy of Downward Spiral after one hearing the demonic screams of "Becoming" (not to mention the brash blasphemy of "Heretic").

The me that you know doesn't come around much That part of me isn't here anymore

The me that you know is now made up of wires And even when I'm right with you I'm so far away

This kind of extreme separation from the world really fucked me up socially. For years, I couldn't hold on a conversation with another person my age. What would we talk about? I was clueless about anything happening in the world of sports, music, television, or the culture at large. Even though conversation is no longer a problem for me, I still feel odd about friendships. I have an irrational fear that they're going to be taken away from me at any moment, so I keep everyone at a comfortable arm's length. At times, intimacy feels painfully awkward.

Maybe this is why I'm so notorious for leaving shows immediately following the last song. I’ll give my smiles, shake hands, and say goodbye, but avoid sticking around long enough to really get to know people. I’ve been invited to crash on couches to avoid the long drive home, but I always politely decline. Certainly, I don’t want to come across as rude, I just feel like an outsider to the world -- someone who just doesn’t fit in, doesn't belong. Not now, not ever.

TEENAGE ANGST HAS PAID OFF WELL

As I reached my adolescent years, I began going through prolonged spells of melancholy. The prospect of sharing this with others was extraordinarily embarrassing, so I kept it all bottled up inside. Mostly, I tried walking it out on long excursions through the open field next to our house. I worked through a lot of issues during that time and credit those walks with helping me to keep my sanity. As a matter of fact, I recommend daily constitutionals to everyone as a general principle of good mental health. It would be a mistake not to mention that my belief in an omnipresent God at this time played a medicinal role in helping me to cope with my depression, though my views on religion would one day reverse course.

By 18, symptoms of major depression surfaced like a noxious weed and even God could not get me through it. I prayed, too. God, how I prayed, sometimes hours on end. That year, I fell into a downcast mood that refused to dissipate and remained there for months -- four of them straight. I sought refuge in the music of Tchaikovsky, working my way from the fateful Symphony No. 4 to his Symphony No. 6, the Pathétique. The sounds I was hearing tapped into a new emotional alphabet, impossible to transcribe into any tongue. It was remarkable: somehow the music knew precisely what I was feeling. I finally had a soundtrack to my depression.

One day, a buddy and I joined the military on a whim, though he'd later get disqualified for asthma. I felt the Army would provide a much needed "Be All You Can Be" boost to my confidence and a crash course in normie life. I shipped down range to my duty station, Fort Benning, Georgia, for infantry training. My new home would be with Charlie Company, 2nd Battalion, 58th Infantry Regiment -- the infamous "House of Pain." In the space of 14 weeks, I was exposed to every aspect of humanity imaginable. From the "shark attack" welcome of the drill sergeants on Sand Hill to the rude middle of the night awakenings for physical training, I was in shock most of the time. Slowly, though, I eased into this strange new world and got my bearings.

Almost a full month into this prison world, we were allowed to visit one of the on-base shopping exchanges. I immediately looked for a CD player and began checking out the music section, trying to see if there were names I recognized. "Guns 'n' Roses? Sure they're cool," shrugged my buddy Bradley, a floppy-eared Gomer Pyle looking dude. "But you really need to check out some Soundgarden, dude." I did, picking up their latest, Down On The Upside, and it was like salve to my soul. The music spoke of being trapped ("...and I don't like what you've got me hanging from") and being eternally at odds with the world ("Born without a friend and bound to die alone"). There was even a song about "Boot Camp," the short album closer. The nihilistic despair was strangely comforting.

I must obey the rules I must be tame and cool No staring at the clouds I must stay on the ground In clusters of the mice The smoke is in our eyes Like babies on display Like Angels in a cage I must be pure and true I must contain my views There must be something else There must be something good far away Far away from here And I'll be there for good For good

The song did not resolve happily, and I feared my life wouldn't either. After a serious injury left me permanently wounded, I began to feel my life wasn't being guided by the Hand of God of all, but the random throes of Fate. Maybe they were the same thing. I resigned myself to the misery of a long recovery, during which time I had to learn to walk again. It's a three beer kind of story, maybe I'll share it sometime. Probably not. Returning to civilian life proved to be even more of an adjustment than the military had been, and my shadows of depression lingered with me even as I tried to remain one step ahead of them.

MELANCHOLIA

I have long held a theory that human beings are not built for the world that we have constructed for ourselves. Whether we're talking Seattle traffic or the constant buzz of social media, the frantic pace of our rapidly evolving technocracy has left us a worried, frazzled mess. The studies are conclusive: almost one in five have experienced depression and one in four struggle with anxiety, with PTSD being a household acronym.

A counselor once asked if I enjoyed being depressed. I found it a bit of a repulsive question. I can tell you that there is nothing glamorous about depression. There's no reason to idolize the angst of those sad Kurt Cobain eyes. Everyone has experienced feelings of being bummed out, and for most folks it is a transitory feeling. It comes when one of life's storms arises and leaves when the situation resolves itself. There's a whole section of us, however, for whom the dark clouds never leaves. It just hovers around our heads, like the oppressive, low-hanging specter of an Oregon winter.

Depression isn't always about feeling sad, either. Often it manifests in a general malaise -- you can't bring yourself to care about the things you used to. Other times, it works in tandem with anxiety, seizing your heart at the thought of all the day holds in store, then punishing you with the feeling of dread. We may feel sad, anxious, or fearful and not be able to give a rational explanation for it. In those moments, I cannot imagine a more miserable place to be. With that said, I hasten to add that my description of depression may not align with your own, as it is an intensely personal experience.

Release your head from the world Keep yourself underground No one understands your mind

Humans programmed like robots Making sure you don't belong No one understands your mind

I suspected I had depression in the clinical sense, when I realized that though I wanted to feel better, all I could do was subsist in the misery. Those of you who've been able to talk yourself out of such states will scoff. My mother, who suffers from a host of afflictions that have never been properly diagnosed, was notorious for telling us kids to "snap out of it." I do understand that kind of no-nonsense perspective. Her father and mother were staunchly independent homesteaders of the WWII generation who braved the untamed wilderness of Alaska and the exotic dangers of Australia. The '60s and '70s generation grew up fearful of losing such independence to mental institutions that locked up people, merely because they acted in ways society didn’t understand. The stigma of psychiatric care was every bit as real as the stigma of mental illness. Thus, her approach was quite practical: take Saint John's Wort, get on a good diet of vegetables and fruits, drink plenty of water, get fresh air and exercise. If that doesn’t work, there’s always Jesus.

Despite plenty of prayer and a multitude of home remedies, depression continued plaguing my mind. People frustrated by what they viewed as an easy fix would imply that depressed folk like me just wanted to be depressed, maybe because it got them attention or they were just spoiled rotten. Soon I stopped sharing altogether. As one friend of mine, a real no-nonsense type, told me: “No one cares. You have to get on with your life.” “How do you manage that?” I asked. “What's your secret?” “You just have to shrug it off,” she concluded. I envied the cold, pragmatic stoicism and wished that I could just shrug my shoulders and let everything slide off. At one point, my depression was so acute, I looked into electroconvulsive therapy, memory loss be damned. During my consultation with a specialist, I learned the procedure had advanced since Jack Nicholson’s unfortunate end as a mental patient in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Ultimately, I decided against it.

SEARCH FOR ANSWERS

As with most human situations, our problems stem from a complex mixture of nature and nurture. I posed a question to my psychology professor one day: "Does depression cause us to think depressing thoughts or do depressing thoughts cause us to be in a state of depression?" His answer surprised and relieved me. "Both," he said.

In Psychology 202, we were in the midst of a chapter on depression and other mental disorders. Having recently experienced the loss of my grandmother, I was feeling especially hopeless and decided to ask my prof another burning question at the end of class. "If a person were to see a therapist, does it go on his record?" In my mind, counseling was for the weak and hideously broken. "Not at all," he responded with a smile. "Even psychologists seek help from other psychologists for their depression and anxiety." Then he really blew my mind: "I have a therapist myself. See her once a month. Sort through a lot of life decisions that way." He also assured me that there was no master file of such visits. While a therapist might keep her own notes, it's certainly not something shared with employers and as a rule is kept strictly confidential, as are all medical records.

My first visit to a counselor was nothing like I'd imagined. I wasn't given pills, invited to lay on a couch and look at ink blots, or even asked questions about my parents. Instead, the counselor initiated an open-ended conversation that encouraged me to articulate the tangled mess of thoughts and feelings I'd been bottling up inside. It was the first time I'd ever talked about my experiences in the military or about the emotional upheaval of my childhood. I felt liberated after just a few weeks of these sessions. For a time, I felt very much on top of my problems. Maybe this counseling thing wasn't so bad after all. I even began to recommend it to my friends and stood up for psychologists when mom would bash the profession in one of her trademark rants.

Promises abound You rarely find it to begin Maybe I'm afraid To let you all the way in

I excuse myself I'm used to my little cell I amuse myself In my very own private hell

I noticed a pattern to my depression: it seemed to be triggered by situations in which I felt helplessly incapable of controlling my environment, decisions, and destiny. You know, other people taking advantage of me, a nightmare roommate, an overbearing boss, unrequited love -- that sort of thing. It was like a switch flipped and all of the sudden the feelings flooded in and surrounded me for days, even weeks.

Feelings of loneliness and disquiet were often compounded by negative thinking about the situation. "What's wrong with me that I can't find someone to be with? Am I that unattractive or uninteresting?" The negative self-talk wasn't helping my situation. In some ways, it even turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'd walk around with a scowl on my face, prompting friends and family to constantly ask, "What's wrong? Is everything ok?" That's why I realized it may take more muscles to frown than to smile, but that undersmile sure is a lot more comfortable. No wonder people kept themselves at bay.

I actually started practicing my smile in the rearview mirror on the way to school every day, just so I remembered what that felt like. Fake it 'til you make it, the saying goes. Even if I was feeling like a miserable wretch inside, I certainly didn't want to betray those feelings to the world outside. So I got good at being a fake. When people asked, "How's it going?" I'd say, "Fine, just fine, thanks. And you?" (One of my counselors would later call me on that every session: "How are things really?").

When I got married, depression reached peak levels, only now that oppressive, low-hanging cold front wouldn't burn off with the sunshine. The mood never lifted. It was with me 24-7. It wasn't unusual for me to be severely depressed during the normally halcyon days of summer. I knew something had to be done, so I confronted another long-time stigma of mine: medication.

To be continued...

This whole house of cards crumbling slow If I disappear would you even know? The trap is time and no one gets off of this ride alive

So far under Too much pain to tell And now I'm ripped asunder So far under

[fgodestinyawakenings]

Babylonia Section 3~Section 4

Mean time while waiting for news on Christmas event this year + recovering Command Seals on JP again... Let’s return to the adventures in Babylonia where the crew finally makes a visit to the oldest King, Bilgamesh!

Section 3

Finally inside the royal hall aside Merlin being avoided by woman as usual... Looks like King Gilgamesh is busy with tending matters on the war and city... Definitely chaotic despite the outlook outside the castle...

While we see the good side of Gilgamesh caring for his men and people... Merlin decided to not beat around the bush and threw the crew to meet the King himself!

The High Priestess, Siduri, scolding Merlin in mean time for his lacking in his work... 

... WOAH WAIT WHAT?! DINGIR?! THE NOBLE PHANTASM?! 

MERLIN YOU FUCKING IDIOT! TALKING VIA FIST DOESN’T MEAN ALL OF US ARE READY TO DEAL WITH HIM, YOU STUPID COCK WIZARD!!

I realized while starting this fight... This isn’t my JP account without Merlin already existed... And about King Gilgamesh Caster, he isn’t a problem since skills wise, he doesn’t have anything to pierce defense along with his NP. But he buffs high on his attack, so it still hurt like a bitch when you don’t expect it

Your AOE Rider, Santa Artoria Alter (Welfare Servant), ideal to bring to clear the mobs along with him

......... Facing the wrath of his NP and we survived one way or another... Gilgamesh seems completely upset with the crew that even he held back halfway? So much for fist-talking...

Nevermind on second thought and as expected, the Gudas and crew are the usual mongrel that’s not even worthy of him and his time >.>

Even better, you worked your ass to give your name and he doesn’t bother! Or actually, he already knew with Clairvoyance from the start! Or actually again, he didn’t knew or bother because stupid dick wizard never told him!! >.>

And even better, he saves us the day of having the grail... WITH HIM ALREADY?! W-W-WHEN AND HOW?!

Okay, seems like even if we offer to help him defeat the three Goddess... We’re now the newly-recognized Clowns from the future who somehow made him laugh, huh...

Though while he deny us the last time... Looks like Ishtar decided to drop by and say hi to King Gilgamesh, much to the latter’s unamusement... Oh hey, she crashed in after Gilgamesh insult, as per usual by Siduri’s comment

Even a soldier seems smarter to leave from the sight of an angry goddess! KUDOS TO YOU MY FRIEND!

Gudas even remembered to bring this to the royal court, CHARGE HER FOR VEHICLE ACCIDENT! Oh and lastly, looks like King Gilgamesh decided to join us for this fight alone to teach Ishtar a lesson

I had doubts to bring Jeanne now after I remember her second skill... But thankfully, she uses extra attack for this fight... TIME FOR PAYBACK ONTO THAT HORRIBLE DRIVING LICENSE OF YOURS!

After kicking that spoiled rotten Goddess out of there... For some reason, Ana is invovled? Hmm?

Welp, at least she’s gone after picking up her pillow because she happened to be on a stroll, freely overlooking at Uruk, freely plucking her bow, freely ravaging the lands... Even Demonic Beasts have taken up north... Siduri, please don’t raise a white flag for this spoiled goddess!

Unfortunately, so much for working together, Gilgamesh definitely not even going to listen to the Guda crew at all... WOAH WHAT?! MERLIN’S MASTER IS KING GILGAMESH?!

Now that explains why he’s a Caster instead of that fucking Archer version... After complimenting us, we earned SORT OF a position to finally have him listen to us... Bottom to top, ehh... We’ve been there, so take care of us Siduri! Including kicking us out of there too, haish... OTL

Siduri herself... She’s a pure soul... At least she’s kind enough to lessen the burn from Gilgamesh’s words. So it’s time, to do our part-time job in working around Uruk!

Section 4

A decent private lodging in Uruk, a new home base outside Chaldea while we clear this Singularity :)

While Da Vinci has given trivia on the Age of Gods, the set up for summoning is ready! Celebration with feasts at our new job on the first day... The irony of life when I think about dreading to go to work OTL

Oh look, we’re reunited with Benkei and Ushikawamaru! Which apparently, Gilgamesh summoned them too... Along with the best tanker, LEONIDAS! :D Ah, seems like the ones we know in Uruk are a different copy from the one in Chaldea if they are in there (WHICH SHOULD BE ALREADY SUMMONED IN CHALDEA OTHERWISE)

And it makes more sense... Looks like rather than summoned... They sort of reincarnated to a more human form after summoned for a while from Gilgamesh himself...

Back about “Enkidu”... Even Uruk can’t believe what had happened before their eyes about them... :( Siduri also commented what the real Enkidu would be like after their relationship with Gilgamesh. Surprisingly, Gilgamesh seems uninterested at the appearance of fake Enkidu! Strange for a close relationship that he’s not saying anything...

Looks like we take care of Ana while some cock-head incubus out of a trip to a brothel, and a good rest is required after 3 chapters of tiring days the crew has been through

First day of work begins! We’re starting with shearing of sheeps for Mr. Limmat... Welp, we ARE starting from the bottom, Doctor Roman! So time to shear... 7 Berserker Demonic boars and 1 Shadow Servant... Are we really shearing sheep and shearing the farmer here?!

Okay thank god, we’re just killing the ghosts and the wild boars that’s attacking the ranch OTL And..... This is familiar, when you apply for a job and someone decided to take it from you instead... Ah the nostalgia, so much for shearing sheeps... 

Second day, we’re to investigate Mr Kissinamuh’s wife who has been acting strangely....... Oh hey, private detective for marriage partner that wants to be NTR or something... At least Ana is having fun (I think) in helping a florist at the flower shop, so she can’t join us

But what does those fucking archer amor laser shooting mobs got to deal with an NTR Affair?! As from the Gudas... I’m really understanding lesser and lesser about Uruk...

<<NOT SCREENSHOT>>

.............................................. Okay nevermind, this is some weird anime plot... An undercover alien who disguised themselves as a human, going as far as being married to take over the world.... But in plot twist, they really did love their human and help save the human world....

Anyway, learning more about the Three Goddess alliance: three attack from all three direction of up north, south, northeast... And hence the problem despite Leonidas responsible at the north of Uruk...

Eh? The grail Gilgamesh have isn’t the era’s Holy Grail for this?! And the plot thickens... If Gilgamesh’s own grail is obviously his from the start... Where and who’s using Solomon’s holy grail...?

Day 3, a break from work, the crew is training with Leonidas! Or rather a job from Spartan training with 100 soldiers... I thought we’re done with his interlude to stop that

Leonidas.. The Gudas are still normal people, at least 60 is already more than enough to deal with at their capacity... ==lll

But still, Leonidas is definitely a great teacher and commander to inspire his army for Uruk :) Despite the confusing lecture he’s giving out...?

Seems like Ana doesn’t have any idea what a Servant means despite being one... And rejected the offer to be our Servant... I wonder if she really hates humans and fears one so much to not want to be a Servant to anyone...

Day 4, looks like the Gudas returned from their odd job. And Ushikawamaru as usual angered King Gilgamesh... Leonidas also returned to join us for dinner :D

Damn, Siduri’s butter cake made Ana enjoying the dessert a lot! Merlin’s back with a kick from Fou in the face too :D Now DW, can we get the option to send food to Doctor Roman? He’s feeling lonely too despite what he said?!

Day 5, or Day 20 nearly 3 week since the Guda started their life in Uruk... The Gudas got a day off or thankfully a job from Ana! But fight..? Wonder where we are headed to... With 6 ghosts and 1 Soul Eater?

Ah, it seems we’re exorcising evil spirits along with her... Turns out there was spirits spreading deadly disease in Uruk, spiritual death rather than physical death. Spiritual death considered as an illness rather than departing...

While Mash helps Ana to explain Siduri... The Gudas met an old man... Familiar one? Nevermind looks like what Merlin would have been if he isn’t that too dick-headed! 

The Gudas decided to give the old man food, which... A cryptic warning was given to them by the old man. But also a compliment for their insight and thoughtfulness... Three storms will come to Uruk, empathize not with the hateful ones and celebrate not with the joyous ones... And extol not the pained one... 

Woah okay, he disappeared the moment they demand of his identity! A cliffhanger to end for this chapter... Three storms... Damn trouble is already brewing to end the daily life in Uruk...

I’ll end things here since I need sleep after one bullshit in Lostbelt... Will be back later/tomorrow to continue things in Babylonia!

[asterinjapan]

Day of Lights

I eh, very belatedly remembered I still had a blog entry to write about yesterday.  Oops! If you will forgive me, I was only back at the hotel near midnight, so I didn’t exactly feel like writing then anymore.

Sadly I woke up not feeling so great today, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have a blast yesterday. Let’s get to it – Disneyland day!

I had a bit of a late start for Disneyland, only prepared to leave hotel a little after 8:30 – the same time the park opens, and I wasn’t there yet. The trip was smooth however, so I made it to Maihama station a little before 10 and started my walk to the park. There was a surprise – mount Fuji was showing its face! And so clearly too that for a moment, I thought it was Mount Prometheus from DisneySea. But that one actually spits fire every hour or so, so it would make no sense to give it a snowy top, haha. Nope, the Fuji it was.

I made it to the part with 40 minutes to spare until the first parade, so I hunted down the churro stand and sought a good place to watch the parade. It was a busy parade day, since not only is it Christmas Season, Tokyo Disneyland is still celebrating its 35th birthday. So that meant 4 parades in total!

The spot I ended up choosing was possibly one of the worst, haha, but the Christmas Parade is twice a day, so I’d have another shot later. Walking around in the park and enjoying the views and atmosphere, I sought out the attractions. First up was my favourite during this season: the Haunted Mansion, which is redone in Nightmare before Christmas style starting around the Halloween season. The line was 40 minutes, so entirely doable, and led around the premises now decorated with pumpkins and Christmas hats alike. The attraction is a ton of fun and certainly a lot of work, they didn’t just throw in some Christmas hats and called it a day. A lot of the figures have been replaced by Jack Skellington and consorts, and Zero the ghost dog featured prominently (I love Zero, ssh).

So that was cool! I did some more sightseeing and had lunch (a very responsible burger, ahem, but it was shaped like Mickey) before searching out a better place for the next parade, the Dreaming Up 35th anniversary one. I saw this one past summer, but it’s really gorgeous with some unique floats, so I was happy I managed a good spot for photos this time. The Christmas parade was the same as last year, but this one won’t be around for as long. I don’t recall Aladdin and Jasmine being there at the very end, walking instead of on a float, but maybe it was to subtly promote the upcoming live action remake? I don’t know.

Anyway, that was fun, and next up was an attraction that got a make-over in time for the anniversary: It’s a Small World. The queue here was like 20 minutes, so perfectly doable – must not be a very busy day, I guess. They put in a lot of Disney figures in the remake, so it was a ton of fun spotting them all.

Once out of the park, I noticed several face characters out and about in Fantasyland. I never know with Tokyo Disneyland, sometimes I don’t see them at all (summer too hot, perhaps?) and other times I see characters I hardly hear about walking in the parks (like Esmeralda or Cruella de Vil, though the latter was Disneysea). I spotted Wendy and Peter Pan, and later Prince Charming on his own (what did he do with Cinderella?), Sleeping Beauty and her Prince, and the Evil Queen from Snow White, who mostly wanted to pose fabulously before she strode off, haha. Awesome.

Anyway, I had a goal: Philharmagic! I do so love Disney songs, and the 4D aspect is still great. I did get a little woozy at the segment where Donald rides a magical carpet, though.

Once out, I had a fastpass that I’d secured earlier. Just as well, because as I returned to the Haunted Mansion, the normal queue was 80 minutes! Eighty! Geesh, I love the Halloween/Christmas version too but that’s excessive for this ride, whoa. Even with my fastpass, it took a while to go in.

I was nicely in time for the second time for the Christmas parade now, and got lucky in that I scored a spot just in front of where the Beauty and the Beast float stopped for a good ten minutes, so that gave me some time to switch lenses and what not, haha. It’s a very pretty parade, if a little short. But with 3 different parades today, who’s complaining?

I went to get my picture taken near the castle including Christmas tree next, except the park members taking pictures had already gone, so I had to make do with a selfie, pff. It came out nicely, though, but still.

It was about time for a snack, so I went around the park to find the Special Churro – it turned out to be in Critter Country, which I visit so often that I had no idea I had to go through an underground pass to make it into the actual area, pfff. I always thought it was super tiny and stopped at the entrance of Splash Mountain, but nope! Entire area behind that! Anyway, the churro was purple and supposedly tasted like cotton candy. I don’t know, it was good, as was the hot cocoa I got to go with it.

With darkness setting in, the park transformed into a Christmas spectacle with tons and tons of light, amplified by the extra lights already there for the anniversary. In the dark, I maneuvered to  the Enchanted Tiki Room with Stitch and a bunch of singing birds. I was getting really tired, so when the park member asked me if I wanted a subtitle device, I didn’t even realize what he was asking at first, oops. I happily accepted, if only so that I could finally understand the play 100% (it’s usually around 80%, and I’m guessing 60% today with how tired I was getting. I do think I’m slightly under the weather this entire trip). Anyway, it’s a lot of fun and I absolutely do not care it’s technically for little kids, I love the songs and Stitch. Aloha! Also, I forgot to mention, but the benches in the waiting area were heated. I love them. It was getting rather chilly and I could use some warming up.

On my way to Adventure land, I played a ball game that I hopelessly lost, but I got a cute exclusive pin for my efforts, which was probably the easier thing to take home with me anyway, haha. (The prizes were pretty big plushies of Minnie or Mickey.)

I resisted the huge and soft Simba plushies and went to Pirates of the Caribbean, where I got put in the front row by myself.  That did give me an excellent view, but the splash early in the attraction is still a bit much for me, haha. As you can tell, I’m not in Disneyland for all the wild rides…

It was now time for the nighttime parade, Electrical Parade Dreamlights, which really profits from being made over last year, and spotted some extra Christmas additions. I sat a lot closer than the last couple of times, although right in a corner, so I got some good photos! I felt a bit bad about flashing with the camera, but I saw more flashes around me and they sold those light-up sticks by the dozen, so not just me at the very least.

I hadn’t had time for dinner before, so I rushed to get a cheese dog menu (so responsible), and from my seat I had a good view of the (short) fireworks show, which had some interesting fireworks and really seemed to move with the beat of the music, so that was nice little bonus!

I’d had coffee with my set, so I had enough energy to get up and walk again, taking pictures of the scenery on my way to It’s a Small World, followed by Philharmagic again, and then one last rush to Haunted Mansion at 15 minutes before closing, haha oops. I think I made it in with the very last group, meaning I could just rush right into the hall of exposition. Take that, 80 minute queue! Just – wait out the entire day until you may or may not get lucky in the evening, hm. Well, strategy works for me!

Finally, they started to announce the park was closing the minute I got out, so I did as I was told and left the premises (sniff), but not before enjoying the light show in the World Bazaar. So pretty. I think I filmed the whole sequence!

After a quick trip to Bon Voyage, the store before the park (and resisting the Simba plushie, but not a cute little Christmas ball), I made my way to the station and caught the train back to Ikebukuro until finally, I made it to my hotel at eh, 23:30, roughly. Oops.

 So that was a wonderful day, if very tiring, haha. Today was a lot calmer (and my camera hasn’t been out of its jacket yet, oops), so I’ll type up a quick report for that too. But that was Disney during Christmas! I’ll try to filter through the – eh – 586 pictures I took. Oh dear. It might take a while before the selection is up…

See you!

[each-uisge-and-glashtyn]

Tagged by the amazing @habenaria-radiata​! I dunno why it wouldn’t let you properly tag me, but I still got this, thanks! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I’m gonna tag @lunalove25​ and @electric-vanoogaloo specifically, and in general anyone else who wants to do it!

List 10 of your favorite ships, in no particular order. Don’t cheat by scrolling down to see the questions yet, either!

Hibiki Kuze/Yamato Hotsuin

Akira Kurusu/Goro Akechi

Laurent/Damen

Misaki Yata/Saruhiko Fushimi

Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy

Marinette Dupain-Cheng/Adrien Agreste

Tony Stark/Loki

Daisuke Niwa/Satoshi Hiwatari

Jack Frost/Pitch Black(or Kozmotis Pitchiner)

Makoto Sako/Fumi Kanno/Otome Yanagina

Questions below the cut.

All questions for copy+paste:

Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

Has a picture of 4 ever been your screensaver/profile picture/tumblr screensaver?

If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Why is 1 so important?

Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Out of all your ships listed, which ship has the strongest bond?

How many times have you read/played/watched 10′s fandom?

Which ship has lasted the longest?

How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

Is 4 still together?

Is 10 canon?

If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Has anyone ever tried to sabotage 5′s ship?

Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

Do you spend hours a day going through 3′s tumblr page?

If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

My answers:

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I’m pretty sure that I started shipping Marinette and Adrien the first scene they were actually together in. And just shipped them harder in each scene after, including all the ridiculous superhero/civilian mixup-mashups lol

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

Uhhhhhh......would these be my fav ships if I didn’t read fic of them? Either way, I’ve trawled through the Akira/Goro tag so many times that I’m actually caught up with all the completed works for them on a daily basis.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screensaver/profile picture/tumblr screensaver?

Not by themselves, but in a group photo, I guess? I had the whole K Project main cast as my computer background for a bit. I did look for a phone background of them a while ago, but I couldn’t find any I liked enough.

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

If Tony and Loki broke up then I’d be mildly worried about the fallout on their mental and physical healths, but overall I wouldn’t be super surprised on average.

5. Why is 1 so important?

Honestly I just relate to both Hibiki and Yamato so much, and also I’m a sucker for the dynamic that they set up. Also I wanna break Yamato in the most delicious ways thank you so much radiata for letting me indulge in that through your fics

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

I mean, it’s literally a funny/serious ship. Jack brings the fun, but Pitch brings stability and seriousness when it’s needed.

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Well, speaking literal canon, Laurent/Damen is the only actual canon ship so I guess by default they win, But damn if Hibiki/Yamato, Harry/Draco, and Akira/Goro can’t give them a run for their money in innuendo and implied chemistry.

8. Out of all your ships listed, which ship has the strongest bond?

They’re all based on growing through hardship and learning to trust each other and deep loyalty due to those so uh all of them? Like half of them were willing to die for their partners and the other half worked (or is working or will work or whatever) extremely hard to make it work so...

9. How many times have you read/played/watched 10′s fandom?

Oh god that’s Devil Survivor 2. I think by this time I’ve logged like 60 bazillion hours into DeSu2. I’ve replayed the game so many times I can recognize when people use actual lines from the game, or slight modifications of lines. I can get the true ending effortlessly. I’ve played both the original and remake, watched the anime, and read fic for it (and nearly started writing my own before realizing I had no plot beyond yay ships). In short: too many goddamn times.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

I don’t know if this is asking which has canonically lasted longest or which has lasted longest for me, so I’m gonna answer both. Laurent/Damen is the only currently canon pair, so they win canon lasted longest. Either Harry/Draco or Daisuke/Satoshi were my first real ship, so they’re my personal longest lasting.

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

Well, Mari and Adrien haven’t gotten together yet, but I’d like to believe that they wouldn’t quit for anything. The only thing I can see them fracturing over is if they get together before the reveal so they’re hiding Lady and Chat from each other. As soon as that’s cleared up though, they’ll be strong again.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

Ooooooohhhhhhhh that’s certainly a choice. I honestly don’t know. Akira and Goro certainly are skilled and resourceful, but I don’t know how they stack up against Sato and Dai. Satoshi is literally a genius and has skills to back it up, but his stamina ain’t shit. And Daisuke has the skills and smarts to survive, but he puts himself in danger way to often to bet on. Meanwhile Akira and Goro are always fighting smart and using the most out of all their resources, as well as both being super smart and highly skilled. And this is ignoring all the canon extra shit they come with, cause that just muddies the playing field more. I honestly don’t know.

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

I feel like Tony and Loki would hide their relationship from the Avengers as long as possible just to avoid having to deal with the drama lol

14. Is 4 still together?

Again, the didn’t technically get together in canon, but damn if they ever let each other go again once they do get together (which is also p much inevitable imo

15. Is 10 canon?

It is if you assume Hibiki was just too focused on saving the world to notice and the others didn’t feel like blatantly informing him. I can’t see why Makoto or Otome would tell him, and Fumi just straight up wouldn’t care if he knew or not.

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Okay so on an equalizing field of no supernatural or superhuman powers of any kind, probably not Mari and Adrien. Look I love battle couples and I have no idea who would win. I’m gonna say Laurent and Damen literally only because they’re actual adults and not baby adults or near adults and they didn’t have any powers to begin with so that’s all them babe, no boosts needed.

17. Has anyone ever tried to sabotage 5′s ship?

If Harry and Draco ever actually got their heads out of their asses and realized being obsessed with each other really was quite gay, everyone and their dogs would probs be trying to get in their way.

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

All of them on my own time with no one making me, but I refuse to do it on command in order to prove anything.

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3′s tumblr page?

Oh my god look if Laurent or Damen had a tumblr I would absolutely spend years on it, but alas, the closest I can get is modern day fics that include social media

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

I’m fairly sure that all of them would end with someone dying or otherwise messy circumstances such as world war or smth other than like, Mari and Adrien cause they’re sweethearts who couldn’t hurt a fly and they’re responsible and crap. And cause they would also make very good friends even if they couldn’t be together.

[aion-rsa]

10 Best Movies of 2021 (So Far)

https://ift.tt/3iTu7sI

Can you ever really go home? Millions of cinephiles are likely asking themselves this as summer 2021 winds down with doubt again lingering over their favorite movie houses. For a time, theaters were once again open for big business in the U.S. and UK, and remain so in at least one of those venues. But box office reports paint an ambiguous future, and many casual moviegoers clearly remain reluctant about returning to the cinema.

Nonetheless, it’s still good to be back in those old familiar places, as well as to have an ever expanding list of options to discover on streaming. Compared to last year, 2021 feels like a sunny balm, particularly now that the heaviest hitters and biggest surprises of July and the dog days of summer have landed.

It’s why we typically save our “mid-year” ranking for that deep breath between the end of summer escapism and the awards season push that begins in September. There have been some real treats on the 2021 calendar, so whether you’ve seen the entire list below or are looking for something you missed, sit back and enjoy a collection of the best movies of 2021. So far.

10. Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar

Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo wrote and star in this bizarre, brightly colored, and utterly joyful comedy that defies expectations throughout. The two are middle-aged best friends who take their very first vacation to Florida together to visit the idyllic Vista del Mar.

But it’s not all cocktails and banana boats. Behind the scenes, super villain Sharon Fisherman (also played by Wiig) has an evil plan for the resort. With shades of the best of Austin Powers (though far more sincere) Barb and Star is a good natured friendship comedy through a surrealist lens, which could scratch an itch for anyone missing a bit of beach time this year.

9. Psycho Goreman

Unexpected gem of the year surely goes to this utterly bonkers grue-filled cosmic horror B-movie which is also really funny and kind of sweet at the same time. It follows annoying little shit Mimi (Nita-Josee Hanna) who bullies her brother Luke (Owen Myre) mercilessly. After defeating him in a game of “crazy ball,” Luke’s punishment is to dig his own grave (!) but instead the pair discover an artifact which turns out to be the key to controlling a universal evil imprisoned on earth for trying to destroy the galaxy.

So of course Mimi names him Psycho Goreman and forces him to hang out with her family and friends despite his insistence that he will bathe in their blood the moment he is freed. From Steven Kostanski, the director of 2016’s The Void, Psycho Goreman is a spot-on blend of brutal slaying and hardcore gore, a cosmic plotline involving an alien council and a wholesome family comedy. An unexpected delight.

8. Cruella

Emma Stone is a punk rock designer in the mold of Vivienne Westwood in this vibrant London-set comedy, which is on paper a prequel to 101 Dalmatians. But in reality, take it as a standalone and you’ll have way more fun.

Up and coming fashionista Estella manages to impress one of the leading designers The Baroness (Emma Thompson) and secures a coveted job at her world famous fashion house. But when Estella discovers a dark secret relating to her own past, she takes on the outrageous alter-ego Cruella to destroy The Baroness by out-fashioning her at every opportunity.

Packed with banging tunes and great dresses, Cruella is a high energy spectacle but it’s the sparring of the two Emmas that brings the real electricity. Forget any future she might have as a puppy killer, in her own film, Cruella is a legend. 

7. In the Heights

The sunniest film to hit theaters this season, Jon M. Chu’s In the Heights was as sugary sweet as the frozen Piragua Lin-Manuel Miranda hocks around this movie’s block. Based on the Hamilton composer’s earlier Tony winning musical, the picture was the rare thing: a Broadway adaptation that actually soars as high as its stage production and (rarer still) the first Hollywood blockbuster with an all-Latinx cast.

Read more

Movies

How Cruella Got That Crazy Expensive Soundtrack

By Don Kaye

Movies

In the Heights: You Need to Stay for Post-Credits Scene

By David Crow

The film came under fair criticism on social media for not being as inclusive as it could be, but that shouldn’t be the last word on such a big-hearted achievement. From the buoyant performances which have already opened doors for Anthony Ramos and Leslie Grace’s immense charisma, to the Latin, salsa, and hip-hop infused melodies which celebrate a culture long left out of the Hollywood image of American life, In the Heights is a jubilant celebration. There really hasn’t been a giddier time at the multiplex this year. Plus, those “96,000” and “Carnaval del Barrio” sequences really are fire.

6. Zola

Based on a “true” story which was told via a series of tweets posted back in 2015 (and the subsequent Rolling Stone article that brought the tale to prominence), Zola is a stranger-than-fiction saga seen through the lens of social media. An ultra contemporary, experimental, low budget comedy-thriller with a backdrop of abuse and sex trafficking, the film is as willfully uncomfortable to watch as it is massively entertaining.

From the jump, Zola (Taylour Paige) is a Detroit waitress and part time exotic dancer who meets a customer named Stefani (Riley Keough) and agrees to take a trip with her to Florida to hit up strip clubs where Stefani promises they’ll make a lot of money. With them are Stefani’s feckless boyfriend (Succession’s Nicholas Braun) and her obviously dodgy roommate. Sometimes told through spoken tweets with switches in perspective, this marks director Janicza Bravo as a compelling new voice, and her cast of leads as nothing short of captivating.

How much of what you’re watching actually happened? Well, that’s the elusive quality of social media…

5. Judas and the Black Messiah

Fred Hampton was murdered with the consent and planning of law enforcement at both federal and local jurisdiction levels. That Judas and the Black Messiah made this common knowledge would be reason enough for consideration. Yet that director Shaka King tells Hampton’s story so thrillingly here elevates his film into one of the most compelling crime dramas in years—only with the FBI’s illegal COINTELPRO program being the primary criminal element.

Told from the perspective of the man who spied on the Black Panthers and eventually facilitated the raid that took Hampton’s life, Judas radiates a despairing quality which somehow can still feel electrifying whenever Daniel Kaluuya’s powerhouse performance takes center stage. Which is pretty much any time the Black Panther chairman takes the microphone. Kaluuya deserved his Oscar, but LaKeith Stanfield’s paranoid turn as Bill O’Neal, the poor bastard coerced into being a snitch while still a kid, is what gets under your skin and walks beside you after the credits roll.

4. Pig

Are there really folks out there who wandered into a screening of Pig and assumed they’d get the Nicolas Cage knockoff of John Wick? I like to think so, just as I love to imagine what they said to each other afterward. To be sure, Michael Sarnoski’s Pig sounds on paper like something in that ballpark: Cage plays a hermit living in self-exile from his past life when ruffians steal his beloved… truffle pig. In response, he comes down from the mountain, ready to reengage with the old ways.

Read more

Movies

Judas and the Black Messiah Remembers Fred Hampton Was a Man of His Words

By Tony Sokol

Movies

The Suicide Squad Character Guide, Easter Eggs, and DCEU References

By Mike Cecchini

Yet when you realize those old ways involve being the greatest chef in his state—and reengagement means partaking in a fight club that’s far more pitiful than it sounds and simply cooking gourmet meals—the more apparent it is that this is a sophisticated, nuanced allegory about grief and self-identity. Anchored by Cage’s best performance in a long, long time, Pig is a gentle and revelatory experience that slowly unpacks its brilliance piece by piece, vignette by vignette. For those coming in wanting fast food, this probably will be a disappointment. For all others, it’s a resplendent five course meal.

3. The Suicide Squad

For once the marketing wasn’t kidding. Writer-director James Gunn does have a horribly beautiful mind, and we at last get to see it fully unleashed on a superhero property. Yes, the filmmaker made many cry over a CGI tree and talking raccoon in the Guardians of the Galaxy films, but perhaps not since Logan has a storyteller seen such free rein over valuable studio IP. Gunn didn’t waste it.

The Suicide Squad plays very much like the men and women on a mission ‘60s capers its director grew up on, but that structure is channelled here through a filthy and deranged sensibility. How else can you describe a picture that makes you want to cuddle a land shark who just swallowed a bystander whole? The Suicide Squad does that and more while providing a showcase for sure things like Margot Robbie’s irresistible Harley Quinn, as well as the dregs and rejects of DC Comics who ultimately steal the movie: David Dastmalchian’s Polka-Dot Man and Daniela Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2, namely. Box office be damned, this is one of the best superhero films ever made and will be a classic in the years to come.

2. The Green Knight

When you hear the name “King Arthur,” certain elements spring to mind. It’s one of those classic properties which have been adapted, exploited, and parodied with killer rabbits ad nauseam. Even so, it’s safe to say you’ve never seen the lore become as foreboding and startling as this. Reimagined through the gaze of writer-director David Lowery, the 14th century poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight at last takes on a trippy and witchy connotation. An interpretation that pulls as much from medieval paganism as it does obsessions with chivalry and Christian virtue, The Green Knight successfully reinvents its Arthurian quest into a journey toward certain doom.

Read more

Movies

The Green Knight: Why David Lowery and Dev Patel Reimagined Arthurian Legend

By David Crow

Movies

The Green Knight Ending Explained

By David Crow

As the central figure on that mission, Dev Patel reveals superstar charisma and the ability to completely command the screen. His version of Gawain, the wayward nephew of King Arthur (Sean Harris), is vain, cowardly, selfish, and somehow wholly sympathetic as he searches for Ralph Ineson’s Green Knight: a godlike creature who has promised to behead Gawain when they meet again. Through it all, Lowery and company craft a sumptuous world that in every shot looks like the most transportive Dungeons and Dragons cover you’ve ever seen. The atmosphere is oppressively brooding, and it will not appeal to everyone. Yet like the very best films released by indie distributor A24, there is a touch of mad genius at work here that demands to be seen and then seen again.

1. Inside

As arguably the best piece of art to come out of 2020’s torments, Bo Burnham’s Inside was not marketed or even conceived of as a film. Nevertheless, it slowly transformed into one throughout its months-long production process, which forewent mere sketch humor to reveal an undeniably cinematic, experimental, and ultimately bleak heart. In other words, it’s a perfect distillation of how all mediums are blurring into that loathsome word: content.

Through heavily edited, conceived, and revised set-pieces, the film’s director, star, writer, and composer lays his insecurities and vanities bare. Filmed inside Burnham’s home studio space, Inside is the result of the young filmmaker behind Eighth Grade becoming acutely aware he’s regressed to his early resources as a teenage YouTube star: a camera, a music keyboard, some synth programs, and hours of idle boredom.

Within those numbing hours, Burnham built something both reflective and suspicious about technology, the internet culture which gave him his career, and even his own self-image. With a catchy songbook of synthesized bangers, many of which echo ’80s pop ballads, Burnham crystallizes better than any typical three-act film the anxieties and delirium of a year spent mostly at home. He also provides a scathing critique of how our concepts of communication and identity have been co-opted and undermined by tech companies whose products incite division for profit—all while still releasing his film on the biggest streaming platform in the world. It’s a challenging, self-loathing, and haunted piece of work that will invariably become a time capsule for its moment in history.

Runner ups that almost made the cut: Annette, Black Widow, Coda, Mr. Soul, No Sudden Move, Raya and the Last Dragon, Rita Moreno: Just a Girl Who Decided to Go For It, The Sparks Brothers, Val.

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The post 10 Best Movies of 2021 (So Far) appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3mi6Pip

[dfroza]

to have an open heart

is what Love is seeking from us.

and we see Paul write of this nearly 2,000 years ago in his Letter of 2nd Corinthians:

[Chapter 6]

As for those of us working as His emissaries, we beg you not to take the grace of God lightly. For God says through Isaiah,

When the time was right, I listened to you;

and that day you were delivered, I was your help.

Look, now the time is right! See, your day of deliverance is here! We are careful in what we teach so that our words won’t be a stumbling block and so that no one will discredit our ministry. But as God’s servants, we commend ourselves in every situation. So that with great endurance we persevere even in anguish and hardship. We have been cornered by the enemy suffering beatings, imprisonments, uproars, toil, sleeplessness, and starvation. And by the Holy Spirit with purity, understanding, patience, kindness, and sincerest love we have proved ourselves. Now with the voice of truth and power of God—armed on the right and armed on the left with righteousness from God—we continue. Whether respected or loathed, praise or criticized as frauds, yet true, as unknown to this world, and yet well known to God, we serve Him. We are treated as dying and yet we live, as punished and yet we are not executed. Though we are sorrowful, we continually rejoice. As the poorest of the poor, we bring richness to all, and though we have nothing, we possess all things.

Corinthians, we have been completely open to you. We’ve exposed the truth, holding nothing back while our hearts open wide to take you in. We have revealed our affection toward you—though it’s obvious you have a hard time showing your affection toward us. If I could offer some fatherly advice: open yourselves up as children; share your hearts with us as we have done for you.

Don’t develop partnerships with those who are not followers of Jesus’ teachings. For what real connection can exist between righteousness and rebellion? How can light participate in darkness? What harmony can exist between the Anointed and Satan? Do the faithful and the faithless have anything in common? Can the temple of God find common ground with idols? Don’t you see that we house the temple of the living God within us? Remember when He said,

“I will make My home with them and walk among them.

I will be their God,

and they will be My people.

So then turn away from them,

turn away and leave without looking back,” says the Lord.

“Stay away from anything unclean, anything impure,

and I will welcome you.

And I will be for you as a father,

and you will be for Me as sons and daughters,”

Says the Lord Almighty!

The Letter of 2nd Corinthians, Chapter 6 (The Voice)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is chapter 4 of First Kings that describes King Solomon’s reign:

King Solomon reigned over Israel, and these are the men who helped him do so. The following were his officers and administrators: The priest was Azariah (Zadok’s son); the secretaries were Elihoreph and Ahijah (Shisha’s sons); the recorder was Jehoshaphat (Ahilud’s son); the commander of the army was Benaiah (Jehoiada’s son); the priests were Zadok and Abiathar; the commander of all the administrators was Azariah (Nathan’s son); the king’s confidant and priest was Zabud (Nathan’s son); the household manager was Ahishar; the commander of the compulsory labor force was Adoniram (Abda’s son).

Solomon commissioned 12 administrators over the entire community of Israel. They each gave provisions for the king and his house. Each administrator provided supplies for one month out of every year. The following were his administrators: Ben-hur from the hills of Ephraim; Ben-deker from Makaz, Shaalbim, Beth-shemesh, and Elonbeth-hanan; Ben-hesed from Arubboth (he possessed Socoh and all of Hepher); Ben-abinadab from the height of Dor (he was married to Taphath, Solomon’s daughter); Baana (Ahilud’s son) from Taanach, Megiddo, and Beth-shean, which is next to Zarethan below Jezreel (from Beth-shean to Abel-meholah) all the way to the far end of Jokmeam; Ben-geber (Manasseh’s son) from Ramoth-gilead, which is the whole of all the towns of Jair, the towns in Gilead, the sector of Argob in Bashan, and 60 large cities which were fortified by walls and bronze bars; Ahinadab (Iddo’s son) from Mahanaim; Ahimaaz from Naphtali (Ahimaaz was married to Basemath, Solomon’s daughter); Baana (Hushai’s son) from Asher and Bealoth; Jehoshaphat (Paruah’s son) from Issachar; Shimei (Ela’s son) from Benjamin; and finally Geber (Uri’s son) from Gilead (the land of Sihon the Amorite king, and the land of Og, Bashan’s king). Geber was the only administrator who lived in the country.

The people of Judah and Israel were innumerable, like the grains of sand on the beach. They ate and drank and celebrated.

Solomon reigned over all the countries from the Euphrates River to Philistia and to Egypt’s border. These countries honored Solomon with gifts and remained in Solomon’s service for his entire life. Solomon’s provisions for his house for one day were just over 195 bushels of the best flour and about 391 bushels of meal, 10 fattened oxen, 20 pastured oxen, 100 sheep, as well as deer, gazelles, roebucks, and fattened birds.

Solomon reigned over all places and people and kings to the west of the Euphrates River, from Tiphsah all the way to Gaza on the Mediterranean. Solomon’s reign had peace on all sides: Judah and Israel lived in peace from Dan to Beersheba, with each man under his vine and beneath his fig tree, for Solomon’s entire life.

Solomon owned 40,000 horse stalls for the chariot horses, and he had 12,000 horsemen under his command. The 12 administrators made provisions for King Solomon and all who sat at King’s Solomon’s table. Each agent was responsible for one month out of the year, and not one of them ever did an insufficient job. They also provided barley and straw for the chariot horses and war horses in their specified stalls throughout the kingdom. Each agent fulfilled his responsibilities for his appointed month.

God gave Solomon wisdom and discernment: his mind was as expansive as the sands of the beach; his wisdom was far beyond that of the wise men of the East and of Egypt. He was the wisest of any other man. He was even wiser than Ethan the Ezrahite, Heman, and Calcol and Darda (Mahol’s sons). Solomon was immensely famous in all the nearby countries. He also wrote 3,000 proverbs and composed 1,005 songs. He reflected upon trees, from Lebanon’s cedars to the hyssop that blankets the walls. He reflected upon animals, birds, reptiles, and fish. People came from every corner of the earth—sent by kings who were fascinated by Solomon’s wise reputation—to listen to Solomon’s wisdom.

The Book of 1st Kings, Chapter 4 (The Voice)

my personal reading of the Scriptures for Tuesday, november 17 of 2020 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible, along with Today’s Psalms and Proverbs

A post by John Parsons about the significance of atonement:

Chodesh tov, chaverim! In our Torah portion this week (i.e., Toldot) we learn that the great oath of blessing that God gave to Abraham was extended (exclusively) to his beloved son Isaac (Gen 26:3-4; Rom. 9:7). Recall that it was only after the Akedah (the sacrifice of Isaac) that the LORD God swore the oath (שְׁבוּעָה) that through Abraham would all the families of the earth be blessed: "By myself I have sworn, declares the LORD, because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son (ben yachid), I will surely bless you... and in your offspring shall all the nations of the earth be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice" (Gen. 22:16-18; cp. Gal. 3:9,16). The phrase, "by myself have I sworn" is the most solemn oath God could make and must be regarded as an inviolable vow (Heb. 6:13-18). It is nothing short of astounding to realize that the very existence of Israel and the Jewish people - and therefore the advent of the Messiah himself - derives from the Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his “only begotten son,” an act of faith that constituted the revelation of "deeper Torah" later enshrined in the laws of sacrifice given at Sinai.

That is why the key idea of the Torah centers on the idea of atoning sacrifice, and in particular, the continual sacrifice of the lamb. Indeed atonement is the central theme of the central book of Torah, i.e., Leviticus, where we are called to draw near to God through sacrificial rites, the foremost of which was the ongoing offering (i.e., korban tamid: קָרְבַּן תָּמִיד) of a defect-free male lamb, together with unleavened bread and wine. The LORD called this "My offering, My bread" (Num. 28:1-8). In other words, the very center of the Torah is the altar that constantly prefigured the Lamb of God who would be offered up to secure our eternal redemption (John 1:29; Heb. 9:11-12). Yeshua is our “lamb offered in the morning and in the evening,” and His sacrificial life embodies God’s passion for you to receive his love. [Hebrew for Christians]

11.16.20 • Facebook

and another post about the significance of humility:

We must humble ourselves and renounce anger, for the "wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God" (James 1:20). Therefore “let go of anger and forsake outrage, for indignation leads to evil within the heart, and evildoers will be cut off” (Psalm 37:8-9). After all, before the eyes of heaven, who are we to take offense at others? Is not all our self-justified outrage a symptom of pride and arrogance? Despite all our sins and the times we angered the LORD we still ask, "Bless us, our Father; let your light shine upon us with favor..." And yet when we get slightly upset at a friend we restrain from showing him a shining face? Know the spiritual principle: As we are to others, so we are to ourselves: middah keneged middah ("like for like"); as we judge others, so we put ourselves before the bar of divine judgment, measure for measure (Matt. 7:1-2). Forgiveness means asking of ourselves what we are asking of God, and the same is true of love. When Yeshua taught us to “forgive us as we forgive,” He taught that our forgiveness (of others) is a measure of our own understanding of the forgiveness (of God). Conversely, demanding perfection from others means appealing to God to judge of our lives... Friends, we should focus on the Eternal; we should believe the blessed promise of God; we should anticipate the great Coming Day of ultimate healing - and then our hearts may be quieted. Remember that nothing happens on its own; everything comes from above, and this too will keep you from outrage and bitterness... [Hebrew for Christians]

https://hebrew4christians.com

11.17.20 • Facebook

Today’s message from the Institute for Creation Research

November 17, 2020

Business Structure: Masters

“Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven.” (Colossians 4:1)

Kurios is the common Greek word for a person with authority. It is most often translated “lord” and is used frequently as part of the title and descriptions of our Savior, Jesus Christ. The most obvious focus of the term is the right to exercise that authority.

The short sections in Colossians and Ephesians about basic human relationships include the relationships between servants (employees) and masters (bosses). The employees are expected to work consistently and maintain loyalty as if they were working directly for the Lord Jesus Himself.

The bosses are expected to behave toward their employees with “just and equal” treatment (our text) and to forbear any “threatening” that might be the result of favoritism, since there is no “respect of persons” with the Lord Himself (Ephesians 6:9).

For those “masters” among the family of God, prompt payment of earned wages is required (Leviticus 19:13). Nor is the focus to be centered on becoming rich (Proverbs 23:4), particularly not if the focus is to get rich quick (Proverbs 28:20-22)! Rather, those to whom the Lord has granted wealth (through diligence—Proverbs 10:4) are to “do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate” (1 Timothy 6:18).

Finally, our Lord Jesus made it abuntantly clear that none of His leaders are to “exercise dominion” or seek to “exercise authority” over others. But in contrast, “it shall not be so among you: whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; and whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant” (Matthew 20:25-27). HMM III

[brokehorrorfan]

Interview: Bruce Campbell (Hail to the Chin, Ash vs Evil Dead)

Bruce Campbell needs no introduction. The cult icon took some time out of his book tour to discuss his new memoir, Hail to the Chin: Further Confessions of a B Movie Actor, as well as the game-changing third season of Ash vs. Evil Dead and a look back at Evil Dead 2. He also gives a peek at what it’s store for the future of his career, for which he’s noticeably excited.

In Hail to the Chin, you mention that you see your memoirs as a trilogy. What made this seem like the right time for the second installment?

A lot of weird shit's happened in the last 15 years! In 15 years, a lot can happen. The industry changed. The blue collar aspects, the middle class of the industry fell out. They don't make movies in the U.S. anymore. I also decided to get the hell out of LA, so there were a bunch of changes. Crazy new adventures: visiting the troops in Iraq in '09, making movies in Bulgaria. It seemed like there was enough for a book.

What was the writing process like this time around?

For this one, I hooked up with my buddy, [co-author] Craig Sanborn. We've worked together for 20 years. I went up to Portland, where he lives. I was busy. I was a working actor, and I was afraid that this thing was just going to keep getting pushed back. This book has been around long enough that Burn Notice was still going. I was going to end the book with Bruce Notice. You know, hit cable show! You always have to end it with something special. We kept working on it long enough that Ash vs. Evil Dead came around, so it seemed to go full circle. So we sat down and recorded for a week solid, anything that I could remember, and then he would kind of interview me, ask me questions. Then he transcribed it all, and we just started to figure out our outline.

You kicked off your book tour a few days ago. How has the response been so far?

It's good! We're about twice of what we were with the first Chins book. That's the direction you want to go in. It's been good so far.

You're hosting Last Fan Standing a few of the tour stops, including tonight. What can we look forward to from that?

A hell of a damn good time! We're speaking their lingo. We're asking, like, how much does Thor's hammer weigh? What is Harry Potter's wand made out of? Crap like that. And everybody gets a shot to win! We're not vetting anybody. So they're not coming in to watch people that have already qualified. Anybody who walks in there could win. You take a few early rounds, and then the best four are brought up, and then you whittle it down to one. And then they get a certificate of useless knowledge. You don't win a car or anything. [laughs] You don't get shit!

You mentioned coming full circle with Ash vs. Evil Dead. Do you have any insight as to when we'll see the third season?

You tell me when you hear something! Look, here's some realities: Starz was purchased by Lionsgate last year, so eventually the corporations crash into each other and they have to figure it out. "Our bosses have bosses now. Our bosses didn't used to have bosses." Everyone's singing for their supper right now, so we'll see. They might shift the date to the first quarter of 2018 to get out of the noise of the fall. Fall is an incredibly nightmarish time. It's great for horror, Halloween - but if it's too busy, it's too busy.

I know you can't give anything away, but what can fans expect from the new season?

Last season, we met Ash's father. We meet more of his family this year - perhaps a daughter. So Ash not only has to save the world, he has to raise an unruly daughter in a very shitty way. Everything she sees makes it seem like he's a serial killer, and everything he says makes it seem like he's insane, and yet he never lies to her. He has a line where he says, "I may be a crappy father, but I'm also a crappy liar." There's a little bit of that bond. It's all hands on deck in season three.

And we're doing a lot more of the mythology. Who is Ash? A drawing of him is in the ancient book, so he's not just some loser in a trailer park. Why him? There's a lot more of that. And, at the end, we crack it wide open. We take that egg and smash it on the sidewalk. Nothing will ever be the same by the end of episode 10. Nothing!

In the book, you write about your tenuous experience working on the two movies you directed. Do you think you'll get behind the camera again? Have you been tempted to do an episode of Ash vs. Evil Dead?

No, Ash vs. Evil Dead is too difficult just being an actor. I've got my hands full.

After Ash vs. Evil Dead, I'm engaging in what I call Act 3 mentality. Act 1, there are not bad jobs. Maniac Cop? Man, let me do that! No bad scripts, no bad contracts, no bad directors, no bad co-stars. It's all good. Act 2, which is sort of what I finished up - the book really represents the end of Act 2 - you start to be a little more discerning. You go, "Well, that didn't work out so well on that type of a movie," or if a movie is shot too quickly, or if a director is a first-timer. You start to know what a good script is. Who knows what a good story is when you first start in this business. You start to learn that. And then you start to go, "Oh, that guy's a hack!" and you realize that there's some people who are not qualified, and you know as much as anybody. You start to learn what a shitty deal is. You get better lawyers, and you get better deals. Everything improves, in theory. You don't say yes all the time. I used to just love working, and it makes sense to just do anything to get into it. But, after a while, you go, "I'm kind of tired of that shit."

So Act 3, I'm only doing stuff that means the full-on Act 3 self-developed mode. It's getting off the hamster wheel, including the TV hamster wheel. I'm dragging my ass to the southern hemisphere for five months every year for the last three years. It gets old. Auckland is a great place, the crews are great. I think the work we're doing is good, it's solid, but I live in Oregon. I want to make movies in Oregon. When I knew Burn Notice was going to be canceled - we had, like, a year warning - I just started to develop scripts. I have about a dozen projects that I own. My wife and I are looking at each other going, "Well, if not now, when?" I'm pushing 60, so I want to do stuff that's way more personal while I have the energy. I've got a western, I've got comedies, some horror.

And I'm going to get back into books, because you get a lot more respect as an author than you do as an actor. As an actor, people love capitalizing on, "Oh, he's a B-lister!" Instead of B-movie, it's B-lister. You can sort of stigmatize yourself in that same process, but with a book, it's a little more out of left field. They figure, "Oh, maybe you have a brain." And there's not as many chefs, so creatively, in my experience, almost nothing beats writing a book. I work with my editor, and when he's got opinion we'll talk it over, but it's not a committee. The difference is books don't cost that much. If you're spending $200 million on a movie, you bet your ass there's going to be strong opinions from a lot of people who are afraid of losing their jobs. It's a much more relaxed atmosphere.

Are you thinking more non-fiction or fiction?

More non-fiction and more fiction. More of both. It's interesting to think about, "What would you do next?" It's exciting. What I want to do is create a low budget closed loop. It's one thing to be in the Marvel movies and you're opening in 4,300 theaters, and you're shooting that thing for 9 months, you're promoting it for 3 months. Those actors don't know hit them.

I know a bunch of smaller theater chains. There's the Alamo [Drafthouse] guys, who are great, and I'm doing some work with them on this tour. They've been totally open to the whole thing. They get it. They get what fans are all about. They know what they want. "Give me my beer and pizza, and show me movies that I want!" The Landmark theater chain has also been very friendly. I've shown a couples through those guys. You start developing official relationships with them and really get to know these guys on a much more personal level.

Get to know who owns the VOD companies. Put a face and a name and a handshake. Go meet the Netflix guys. I don't know any of these people, because I've just been working with all the different entities, but they don't necessarily represent the future of what's happening now. Meet those guys, and then find some foreign sales guys. I've worked with various over the years here and there, but really sit down with them and go, "Who are you guys?" Find the best one that can sell that type of movie, a lower-budget indie type of deal.

And, even though I've never really played this game, you start getting to know the festivals. If you don't have a mass distribution plan, you still have to figure out a way to be seen, to be noticed, to get articles, reviews. I'm going to kind of relearn current Hollywood. Even go meet with the studios again; not about big projects, just, "What are you guys looking for? What budget range do you do these days?" That's exciting, because I'm reintroducing myself to everybody in a completely independent way. Instead of hooking up with a [creator] Matt Nix from Burn Notice, I am Matt Nix. Instead of everything that's involved in Ash vs. Evil Dead, it's my project.

My wife will basically be my partner. She's earned her keep, letting me drag her around the world. Now it's time to settle down. Here's the thing: a lot of times, because of random factors, you end up shooting in a part of the world at the wrong time. You're in Auckland, New Zealand in June, which sounds great - but not in the southern hemisphere. The rain is going sideways in June. It's getting to a high of a 55 and a low of 42. Or you find yourself shooting in the northern hemisphere is January, because of random decisions that people have made that are not me. I wouldn't be in Auckland, New Zealand if it wasn't for decisions made by other people. I'm kind of done with that now.

I know I can always do conventions until I die - and I probably will. You look at the [William] Shatners and the Stan Lees. They don't stop. Stan Lee is 92, Shatner's 86, Adam West was 88. Those guys are a great example. I know from my parents who aged and died, use it or lose it. Stan Lee gets up out of bed, keeps him physically moving, he has a Twitter feed and all his crazy merchandising empire - and he does it! It keeps him alive. I think Shatner too. He's doing one-man shows. It's impressive.

Retirement is actually not the issue; I'm retiring from certain things and certain types of acting. When you get in the horror world that has effects and stuff, you're acting with tennis balls on sticks. You're in stunt harnesses so they can hoist you up. They're hitting you with blood rigs and stuff like that. Your whole life consists of: "Three... two... one... Go! [explosion noises]" You set up to do one shot at a time. There's none of this sitting down having a long conversation, where you can get a sense of drama or to build up a scene. It's so far apart from theatrical. It's broken up into little, tiny pieces. Even when we do the fights, it's like, "Bing, bang, boom, duck, cut!" We just want to keep it short, sweet, safe, and move on to the next piece. That too gets old.

I was crabby talking to my wife on the phone one time, and she goes, "You just have poopy diaper syndrome." I'm like, "What does that mean?" She says, "You're sitting around in a poopy diaper all day! You've got blood on you, dirt on you. You're in these dirty caves all the time, darkly-lit basements. It's the wintertime in New Zealand. It's going to fuck with your head." I'm a generally cheery guy, but by the end of the season, I'm like, "Somebody kill me." So it's time for other stuff, mix it up. I'm excited for the future.

This year marks the 30th anniversary of Evil Dead 2, which remains a classic of the genre. How do you feel reflecting back on that time in your life?

A lot of people like Evil Dead 2. Some of them like it as much as Army of Darkness. It's a personal taste. If you don't really like the gore and stuff, you're gonna like Army of Darkness. It's a little more of a Ray Harryhausen adventure story. But if you still want gore and maybe a little bit of humor, Evil Dead 2 is pretty good. There's a good 20 minutes of that movie where there's nobody else in the movie. I remember Dino De Laurentiis, who financed the movie, he was really worried. He's like, "You can't do that." In my opinion, it's the best part of the movie: Ash running around, being tormented and blowing holes in the wall. It's insane! I had a sense it was going to do pretty well. We had a screening of a rough version of it in Burbank, and when we tracked in and I said "Groovy," everyone just applauded it. I was like, "Okay, we got 'em. We're good."

Our previous movie was Crimewave, which went over budget, they took the movie away, they re-cut it, they renamed it, the thing didn't get released, it went from $2.5 million to $4 million. It was really a miserable fucking experience. So we went back to Evil Dead 2, even though Ash was dead. Lest we forget, Ash was dead [at the end of The Evil Dead], credits roll. We were like, "No. Maybe he's not dead." [laughs] It was kind of a knee-jerk reaction to a failed second movie. When your $4 million bombs, we were concerned that that was it for us. "Oh, these guys don't know what they're doing." Where do you go from there? It was $3.5 million, I think, for Evil Dead 2. We did not go over budget, we did not go over time, and we were actually in profit before the movie started shooting. [Producer] Rob Tapert walked onto the set while everyone was doing construction and tells us we're in profit, because of the pre-sales based on the strength of the first Evil Dead. It was a happy place to come back to. It was our comfort zone. We wanted to try some different stuff.

Scott Spiegel co-wrote it with Sam [Raimi, director], and Scott is a huge Three Stooges fan. We had an office in suburban Detroit at an old dentist's office, and these guys would fucking cackle - I mean cackle, not laugh! - at the end of the hallway when they would write. Rob and I, we'd look at each other and go, "What are the doing?! Are they writing a horror movie or a Mack Sennett comedy?" It's because they combined all that crazy stuff. Scott Spiegel just has a wicked imagination, and they fed off each other horribly! We'd have to pound on the door for them to give us the pages.

The overall experience for Evil Dead 2 was probably the most pleasant of the three. The first Evil Dead was a nightmare. It took four years to finish. Army of Darkness, same thing. It went over budget, the studio got pissed, took it away, re-cut it. Then we had to put our own money into it, and we only got a little of it back. It was a nightmare, the whole thing - so I'm glad people like it! [laughs] My wife and I both worked on it. She was the costume designer. Still to this day, we both shudder when we think of about Army of Darkness.

Evil Dead 2 is definitely one of my favorite experiences, and I think it plays well. It's a loopy movie. There's some crazy shit in there, but it's good. We were still young and supple. I was like 28, still made out of rubber.

To wrap up, why should someone pick up Hail to the Chin?

Buy a book if you want to see a little bit of how the sausage is made, if you want a bit of a reality check, if you want to go on some kooky adventures. It's the other side of the tracks. I'm not talking about the big movies, although I dip my feet into big movies. The last 15 years saw the rise of Sam Raimi from schmoe director to Mr. Hollywood. It's been really great to see all my friends blossom. Not everybody makes it. The third [memoir] will be 15 years from now. I figure the next 15 years should be pretty interesting too, to see what happens with the industry. It will be the final confessions, so then you've got your trilogy. Put that next to War and Peace.

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Diet Doctor Podcast #23 – Dr. Jason Fung

And we talk about where the levels of evidence exist for this and how we can kind of approach patients both with and without the evidence. I hope there’s a lot of take home messages that you can take away from this interview to see how you can implement them in your lives, if you’re suffering from any of these issues, but also sort of how to refrain this issue of insulin, its impact on our lives and our health and how we can implement fasting as a way to approach that.

Now, to be fair, fasting means a lot of different things to different people so we talk about the definitions and we talk about ways to make sure it’s done safely, because that’s very important. Just because something’s good, doesn’t mean more of it is better, and I think that’s an important take home with fasting as well, doing it under supervision, doing it safely, can have a positive impact and that’s part of what Jason has devoted a big portion of his career to.

Now, he’s still a practicing nephrologist and that’s sort of where all this started, but now with the IDM program he is reaching so many more people and spreading the word more about the benefits of intermittent fasting. So, enjoy this interview with Dr. Jason Fung, and if you want to learn more you can get the transcripts and you can see all our prior episodes on dietdoctor.com. Dr. Jason Fung, thank you so much for joining me on the Diet doctor podcast.

Dr. Jason Fung:  Great to be here, finally.

Bret:  It’s great to have you. So, we already had Megan Ramos, who worked with you at the IDM program and talked about the amazing work that you and she and your whole team are doing, implementing fasting as a tool for metabolic health and reversing diabetes and weight loss, but it’s not without its controversy is it?

Jason:  No, I mean I think it’s because of… it’s really not been standard sort of for the last 20 to 30 years. Prior to that, people didn’t care much right, but you know in the last 30 years, everybody thought we had to eat, had to eat, had to eat– to lose weight, you know and all this other stuff, so it has been controversial mostly because it goes against the grain. I mean, when I first thought about fasting, I thought it was a bad idea too.

And then you hear so much, like it’s going to burn muscle, it’s going to wreck your metabolism and don’t skip breakfast, and all these sort of things that make it sound really scary, until you realize that people have been doing it for thousands of years.

Bret:  Right and when you talk about fasting, I think the definition is really important because some people get in their minds that 10 day, 15 day prolonged fasts. It’s mostly shorter fast that you’re using in your program, isn’t that right?

Jason:  Yeah, exactly. So, in the 60s for example when people were doing all these studies, they would be doing like 30 to 60 days of fasting and you’ve got to remember these are not like obese people. These are people that had, you know, very low body fats because there just wasn’t that much obesity and they’re going on 60 days of fasting, it’s like that’s not a very good idea, and that’s where people got into trouble like they shouldn’t have been fasting, but they did it for some study.

I mean I look at some of these studies they did and they’re incredible, like one of them for example, they had like– I think they had nine people or something like that and they fasted them for like 30 or 60 days, then they gave them a big whack of insulin. It’s like, I’m thinking why did they do that? And the answer was, “Just to see what would happen.” So, they dropped the sugars to very low I think and it was like 1 point something in the Canadian unit so it’s probably like 30 or something like that, it’s ridiculously low.

And everyone was complaining they were asymptomatic, so you know these are the kinds of studies that no one would ever do, you don’t do that kind of thing, it’s you know you don’t have to take those kinds of risks. So that’s where people go more towards the shorter fast and there’s no reason not to do them. And you’ve got to understand that fasting is a part of the normal life, like that’s where the word breakfast comes in, you’re supposed to feast then you’re supposed to fast.

Well what’s wrong with that? And you have a word that is actually part of your daily schedule, and now fasting for 12 hours is like insane, it’s like everybody in the 70s did it like without even thinking about it. So it’s sort of come all the way around that, you shouldn’t even go like more than two hours without eating, it’s like okay well, what about the normal nightly fast, right?

Bret:  Yeah, and that’s what makes interpreting the science of fasting sort of difficult, because depending on how you define it, it’s going to depend on how you interpret the science. So, you and the folks at your program recently just published three case studies of some remarkable benefits with fasting, with people getting off their insulin and reversing their diabetes within days, with fasting, but it was an alternate-days fasting with never more than a 24 hour fast in those three patients.

Jason:  It’s stunning. So, all three people, middle aged, they had between 20 to 25 years of type 2 diabetes, most of them 5 plus years on insulin and big doses, 60 units sort of thing, and it took a maximum of 18 days to get them off all their insulin.

Bret:  So, a maximum of 18 days, that’s incredible.

Jason:  It was ridiculous how quickly they got better and the schedule we used, because we had to protocolize it somewhat, is 24 hours, three times a week. So, this is the thing that within less than a month they had significantly reversed their type 2 diabetes, even a year later, I think two of them are off all meds and non-diabetic by the classifications, you know by A1c and I think one of them was on some metformin still, but came off all the insulin and three out of the four medications or something, so doing ridiculously well for an intervention that is actually free, available to anybody and has been used for thousands of years.

So, it’s sort of ridiculous how quickly some people can get better and you know as I was saying this is something that really needs– people need to understand because it causes so much disease, type 2 diabetes, because I mean 20 years of diabetes, and we had just proved it was all completely unnecessary. Like do you know the amount of damage they did to their bodies with 20 years of type 2 diabetes to their hearts and to their kidneys, and to their eyes?

Bret:  It was all completely preventable.

Jason:  Exactly, like in a month they could have taken care of the whole thing.

Bret:  Now in the case series they were following a low-carb diet in addition to the intermittent fasting. So, do you find the success varies with low-carb and without low-carb when you’re instituting intermittent fasting?

Jason:  Yeah, for sure we recommend low-carbohydrate diets for all of the type 2 diabetics, and it’s really along the same lines. I think type 2 diabetes is largely a disease of hyperinsulinemia, so therefore both low carbohydrate diets and intermittent fasting, the goal is to lower insulin, as you lower insulin in a disease of too much insulin and you’re going to get better, just like PCOS, if it’s too much insulin you’ve got to lower it.

With type 1 diabetes, if you don’t have insulin, you got to give it, that’s how you’re going to get better. So, it’s not like the insulin is evil or anything like that, it’s juts all context, like if it’s too high you’ve got to bring it down, if it’s too low you’ve got to bring it up, and that’s how you’re going to get better.

Bret:  Yeah, a very simple perspective, but it can get a lot more confusing for a lot of people, they just need to realize the perspective there. So, the concerns about fasting are the safety of it. So, one being your resting metabolic rate, is it going to go down with fasting and again time frame matters, doesn’t it?

Jason:  Yeah, for sure and you know if you’re looking at some of the studies now so that nobody does these 60 day fasts sort of and studies it, but there have been studies of alternate day fasting and a lot of these are not true fasts so you have to extrapolate somewhat.

They are the ones that do measure resting metabolic rate, don’t show any significant difference from chronic calorie restriction. In fact most of the studies and there is a number of them, so you have to kind of pick which one you choose, but most of them show that there’s less of this drop in metabolic rate with alternate daily fasting and studies for example… one study where they did four straight days of fasting, their metabolic rate was actually 10% higher at the end of the four days compared to the day zero.

And again it all comes down to physiology because I don’t know why, people get so bent out of shape. So if you don’t eat, insulin drops, we know that, that for sure happens and when insulin drops, the counter regulatory hormones go up, we know that, that’s why they are called counter regulatory hormones, they go counter of insulin, and one of the big ones is sympathetic tone, like that’s not for debate, right.

Bret:  So, sympathetic tone, you mean adrenaline, noradrenaline.

Jason:  Yeah adrenaline– so basically it’s the fight or flight response. So if you see a lye and your sympathetic tone goes way up and you’re either prepared to fight or run, really, really fast, your body actually increases growth of hormones, sympathetic tone or adrenaline, to actually bring glucose into the blood, it floods the body with glucose you can use to run away.

That’s medical school physiology, okay so if you think– and cortisol too, so cortisol is one of the counter regulatory hormones. So, if you think about it, okay so if sympathetic tone is going up, you know you’re activating your body, that’s what sympathetic is, parasympathetic, you’re toning it down, but you’re activating the body, what do you think that’s going to do to your energy? It’s going to raise your energy, it’s going to increase your metabolic rate. It’s like come on, this is medical school stuff, like why is this a debate.

And all the studies show that there’s probably less effect on the basal metabolic rate from real world studies on alternate day fasting and stuff. Most of them allow calories and so on, so you have to interpret them a bit. It’s like why do we worry about this? Where does this notion even come from? Because if you fast you’re going to decrease you metabolic rate, that actually runs counter to what we all learned in medical school, of what happens when you don’t eat.

Bret:  With a one to three day fast, at least we can say that with pretty certainty.

Jason:  Yeah, if you’re going 30 days and 60 days, yeah you’re talking about something totally different and almost nobody does that, like we generally don’t recommend that either, I mean for us, we’re like why take the risk. So, if you’re doing 30 days, if you want to, it’s great, but if you look at it, it’s more powerful but there’s more risk, so why don’t you just do more shorter fasts? And that’s the sort of trend towards where we’ve gone. So, in the 60s everybody’s like, oh fasting is like a month right and it’s like okay, fasting nowadays 16 hours is controvert.

Bret:  Yeah, it’s amazing how times change, and so the other big concern is lean body mass loss, muscle loss, nitrogen wasting and depending on how you measure it, it seems like you can come up with different conclusions.

Jason:  Yeah, so again you can definitely measure nitrogen waste and then you have to say, is it muscle or is it not muscle? Not all protein is muscle, right?

Bret:  So, I should actually clarify nitrogen waste, meaning sort of measuring the nitrogen in the urine that you urinate out and then the question is where did that nitrogen come from in the body?

Jason:  Right, right, and I think it depends a little bit on what your perspective is. So, if you’re talking about elite athletes, then it’s something totally different than what I’m talking about for the most part which is sort of middle aged and elderly people who are mostly obese. So, there’s a lot of excess proteins sitting there, so if you look at, again we’re not talking about elite athletes, but if you’re measuring it, there have been studies and they say that obese people generally have 20% to 50% more protein, than a normal person and that’s all skin, that’s all connective tissue, there’s a lot of skin.

If you look at those programs where they have skin surgery, they’re taking, you know like 40 pounds of skin, that’s not fat, that’s protein. So, there is excess protein, when you’re talking in that specific sort of obesity type 2 diabetes situation, and you have to think that the body is going to maybe use some of that because that’s all protein that needs to go. And again if you look at studies that have compared intermittent energy restrictions or IER versus CR which is chronic restriction and there has been a few, most of them generally show that there is less loss of lean mass as a percentage.

So one study from 2016 that was published in obesity for example, showed that you know you get about 0.5 increase in percentage of lean mass, because people are losing weight with chronic caloric restriction but it goes up by 2.2% in intermittent energy restriction or fasting. So you’re preserving lean mass much better if you’re using the fasting strategy, but this is sort of short term, 24 hours or less strategies.

So, again if you think about it, it’s like okay, if you think that the body is– when it has no food, it’s going to bypass your excess protein skin connected tissue and go right for your heart muscles, it’s like you must think that the body is really, really stupid. I mean, like honestly, you don’t eat for 24 hours and oh you’re going to start breaking down your diaphragm. Like why would the body do that?

Bret:  A muscle is a muscle, basically. So how does it know to target certain muscles and not others?

Jason:  Exactly, it wouldn’t. It’s going to go for the stuff that’s not needed and how would we have survived if our bodies were so incredibly stupid, that every time you don’t eat, it starts breaking down your muscle, like let’s think about this for a second. Like I do fairly regular fasting, so if I’m losing like quarter of a pound of muscle every time I fast for 24 hours, it’s like yeah, I should have zero muscle right now. I should be this giant glob of fat. Instead, I’m pretty much the same, you know, composition as I was a couple of years ago when I didn’t fast, it just didn’t make any difference.

Bret:  Do you recommend resistance training to try and stimulate muscle growth or maintain muscle during the fast, or do you think that’s not necessary?

Jason:  I think it’s always good to do it, no doubt, but the thing about it is that the body is– honestly the body is incredibly smart. So, if you put a strain on the system, it will respond by getting stronger, so muscles work like that. So you put a little bit of damage on your muscles and it rebuilds it to get stronger. You put weight on the bones and they respond by getting stronger. So if you look at astronauts, you take away gravity and all of a sudden their bones deteriorate like crazy, their muscles deteriorate like crazy. You put a man, hospitalize him and put him in bed rest only, which was the remember the– five days of bed rest.

What you do is you take the strain off the muscles, so you take the stress off and you immediately start losing muscle, so if you want to lose muscle, that is the way to lose muscle, sit in bed all day. Like why would the eating have anything to do with it? Eating doesn’t make you gain muscle, otherwise we would all be a nation of like you know Arnold Schwarzenegger’s, right?

It doesn’t happen, they are two totally separate things. You build muscle because you are working it, then you lose muscle because you aren’t working it. If you’re working it and not eating, your body is going to come up with a way to build that muscle, just the way it is, otherwise, again if you look at these Native Americans and all these people that used to go through these feast and famine cycles, and it was not like they were little globs of fat running around the prairies when the pioneers came.

They were lean and muscular and, you know, strong because your body responds to that, and I think it’s really silly to think that our body is just so maladapted to life.

Bret:  Interesting perspective, that the body knows, and we just have to listen and help it on its way. And then there are obviously a number of other issues about making sure that you’re well hydrated and have adequate sodium intake and reduce medications if necessary and I think that’s a big issue of doing this on your own versus doing it with professional guidance. So tell us your perspective on that and what you’re doing to help with that.

Jason:  So, yeah that’s our IDM program and it’s basically to provide the education people need because it’s not easy. It works but it’s not easy, it’s not fun, right? I would rather be eating donuts myself, but it’s healthy and that’s the thing, it is something that will improve your health, so you need to get educated as to what to expect. So, if you know for example that headaches are very common but they’ll go away, you can deal with it. If you know that you’re going to get hungry and there are tips that might help you deal with that hunger, then that’s going to help you in terms of the fasting.

So, it’s about getting the proper education and that’s what we provide with our IDM program and also providing a support of community and that’s is what is really the secret behind a lot of things, not just for weight loss, like Weight Watchers for example… they started out not with a diet but with those meetings, those Weight Watchers meetings and that’s the secret sauce right? Same for Alcoholics Anonymous.

It’s not like they didn’t know to– hey stop drinking. It was that you had a supportive group, a sponsor and that sort of thing. So doing it with a community is just way easier and that’s the secret of how all these communities use to fast, they do Ramadan, hey everybody’s fasting, hey it’s lent, everybody’s fasting, hey it’s Yom Kippur, everybody’s fasting, so it’s not fun but it’s as hard as it would otherwise be.

Because if you’re trying to fast and everybody is telling you you’re stupid and eating, like you know in front of you, that’s not like the easiest thing to do, so don’t you know you’ve got to set yourself up for success and that’s what we hope to do for with the IDM program.

Bret:  That’s a great point and there’s a lot of communities built around fasting that are sort of popping up so people can support themselves, and I think that’s valuable. Now with fasting you can look at it from two perspectives, in terms of what you are treating. One is treating diabetes and obesity and insulin resistance and another is just promoting longevity and that’s a whole other field of research. Now, with your book, The Longevity Solution, it looks like you’ve sort of delved more into longevity, so tell us a little bit on how the mindset changes when you’re focusing on longevity rather than just treating and reversing a medical condition.

Jason:  Yeah, that’s a great question, I think it’s really a matter of how to sort of maintain health throughout life and so then we looked in this book at a lot of sort of ancient wellness practices because I’m not about selling the latest supplement that’s going to make you live forever, right?

I don’t think that exists, but there are certain practices that have sort of withstood the test of time, that is they were considered to be wellness practices 2000 years ago and I think that has merit because those practices have withstood the crucible of time, like if something is really bad for you and people do it, they’ll like die out.

So, the fact that these practices or these foods or whatever have survived means that there probably is something and what’s interesting is a thing that science is starting to catch up and fasting is one of these things and if you look at the science of longevity, the one thing that really stands out huge is calorie restrictions. That is probably the single most well studied mechanism for longevity in animal studies mostly.

But intermittent fasting is sort of a play on that and it is a way to restrict overall calories and maybe there’s a better way to do it, but at least it’s been used for a long time as opposed to sort of protein restrictions and or carbohydrate restrictions, those have not been used for as long. Intermittent fasting is a way to do that, and the physiology is… you know, a lot of these growth factors are also nutrient sensors and I think that this is a really interesting thing if you look at the theories of aging and why we age, or there’s sort of, there’s trade-off between growth and longevity.

Okay so if you look at a car for example, if you rev its engine, you can get high performance out of it, it’s not going to last very long because it’s just going to burn out. It’s the same thing, if your body is growing, growing, growing like crazy, it probably does the same thing; it burns out quicker. So the growth program is probably at odds with the longevity program, because it’s probably the same program.

Bret:  And is part of that when you’re triggering growth or stimulating growth, you’re going to grow the healthy cells but you’re also not going to be able to just limit it to the healthy cells, so potential cancer cell growth or abnormal cell growth will lead to chronic disease so we can’t necessarily differentiate it.

Jason:  Exactly because they’re part and parcel of the same thing. When you look at the growth pathways for example, you have something like GF1, which is insulin growth factor one and so insulin, both insulin and like growth factor one are very similar and they’re growth hormones.

So you can look at a population of Ecuadorian dwarves for example, called the Laron dwarves, and what was super fascinating is that this group of dwarves which– they were persecuted in Spain, the inquisition forced them into Ecuador and of course there’s this founder effect where– because there’s only a few of these dwarves and they all married each other, the small population, there’s a lot of these– this dwarfism occurred, and a few years ago it was– when they were following these dwarves they realized hey these guys actually don’t get cancer or diabetes either and then they’re like, what’s the difference between this dwarf and the other one. It’s like they have no IGF1, it’s like wow.

So, here’s a you know– the thing is if you slow down the growth program, then you might be able to age better, it all depends also on what stage of life; so if you’re a child, an adolescent, you want that growth program running.

Bret:  Right. Growth isn’t by its definition bad. We need to grow, we need to build muscle which is part of health as well, but it’s finding the balance, which can be tricky.

Jason:  Yeah, but now if you’re going for longevity, so if you’re an average age of like you know, if you’re in the middle ages, your average age is 30, then yeah it doesn’t matter, you know, run that as hard as you want, it doesn’t matter because you’re going to die of the black death or something, right?

So it’s like it doesn’t matter but now if you’re trying to get out to like 80 or 90 years old, you have to be a bit smart, so just like that engine, you can’t run at full speed, you’ve got to cut back at some point though if you look at what stimulates growth the most, it’s things like insulin, like growth factor mTOR and AMPK, which are all nutrient sensors and this is what’s really interesting is that the nutrient sensing pathways are actually the same growth pathways because the body has to know when the nutrients are available.

Bret:  So, nutrient sensors mean they’re turned on or inhibited just by having nutrients in your body.

Jason:  Exactly. So, if you like have an ovary for example, that’s way on the inside, how is it supposed to now if there’s food coming in? Well, it knows it because you eat, insulin goes up, protein, mTOR goes up, for example and if you eat fat AMPK is also, it goes down so those are nutrient sensors because it’s the body’s way of sensing if nutrients are available, and they are actually the exact same ones as growth.

So, now if you want to say, okay well this growth pathway after, you know age 30– I don’t really want to go full boar on growth because I want to live until 80. If you want now longevity, you actually have to cut down your growth pathway, which means reducing those nutrient sensing pathways, which is insulin, which is mTOR and AMPK, which is something that fasting does.

Bret:  So, the question always is, where is the threshold for this, right, because again chronic caloric restriction can sort of lower the stimulation of it, you know the old saying, it may not make you live longer but it sure makes life feel longer. It’s not as enjoyable to do. Yeah, so with the intermittent calorie restriction or intermittent fasting, where is that threshold and how do we know?

Because we can’t necessarily measure mTOR and AMP kinase. It’s harder to measure so we have to use surrogate markers, so what do you use as your guidelines to say here is where you’re getting the biggest bang for your buck to do this level of fasting to help promote your longevity?

Jason:  Yeah, that’s a really good question and it really comes down to maintaining a sort of stable body weight and making sure you don’t have the visceral obesity. Because the one thing we know of course, is that the metabolic syndrome is going to shorten your life, right.

It’s going to give you heart attacks, it’s going to give you all kinds of stuff, cancer and so on. And that’s dependent on not body weight but waist circumference, type 2 diabetes and hypertriglyceridemia and all that sort of thing, so we know that those are all very important and those are obviously highly linked in to hyperinsulinemia and so on. So you’re looking for a surrogate marker that’s been clearly correlated to disease and that’s going to affect longevity and all those things.

So if you are fasting and your weight is just way, way down, then yeah, you probably don’t need to be doing that. But on the other hand, doing it so often might be something that is very beneficial and again if you look at it, it’s like there’s that sort of ancient wellness practice that people have done for thousands of years. Once a year, do a longer fast, just to sort of clean everything out, reset everything and then go from there, do you need to do it for longer? Maybe not.

But if you’re 300 pounds and have type 2 diabetes, you probably need to be doing more, because you know that those insulin growth pathways are way, way too high. It’s harder for mTOR right and that’s really the tough part and we spend a lot of time talking about sort of optimal protein and stuff but that’s really, really hard to measure because it’s not as easy to see.

Bret:  Yeah for something that’s so hard to measure, mTOR sure gets a lot of airtime and a lot of discussion. And it’s pretty controversial because we need it to grow, we need it for immune function and yet we can’t have it, we shouldn’t have it turned on all the time and part of that concern is cancer.

So this is another field you’ve been fairly vocal about, about fasting and insulin as it relates to cancer and that can be controversial as well because cancer, there’s the one theory that it’s sort of all of a genetic mutation and you know the drugs we’re developing is high powered weapons so to speak to target specific genetic variations of cancer, and then there’s the sort of the opposite side of a metabolic disease or maybe it’s a combination of them both.

So, how do you incorporate that into your thinking and fasting in terms of cancer prevention or treatment?

Jason:  Yeah, and I think that the cancer is a fascinating story. You know since I was in medical school we all talked about genetics, it was all a genetic disease right, it was just genetics, genetics, genetics and it’s a mutation, it’s genetic mutations, so if we can find the mutation, then we can block it, we’re going to cure cancer of course, but that didn’t happen.

So, we got the human genome project because it was going to cure cancer and then you had the cancer genome atlas which was an even more ambitious attempt to find out the mutations of cancer because we thought there was one or two mutations. It turns out there were like hundreds of mutations and not only mutations like between people, so one breast cancer cell to the next person’s breast cancer might have like a hundred mutations and 100 complete different mutations on the other guy, even within the same tumor there are different mutations.

So there’s mutations everywhere and clearly you’re not going to develop 100 medications to block every single– 100 different medications to block every single mutation, so that was sort of a dead end theory. And the other thing is, it’s not about genetics, it’s about the interaction of genetics and the environment, that we sort of forgot that it depends on the environment. So looking at obesity for example, the World Health Organization lists 13 cancers as obesity related, and including breast cancer and colon rectal cancer, sort of the number two and number three cancers after lung.

Bret:  Which doesn’t mean obesity causes these cancers.

Jason:  No, it plays a role.

Bret:  Plays a role and makes it more likely– so sort of if you have a genetic mutation and you’re obese, now the deck is really stacked against you.

Jason:  Exactly, but now there’s something you can do about it, because if you have a genetic mutation, there’s nothing you can do about it, you have it, like I’m not going to change it, if you have it, you have it and I can’t do anything about it. But I can change the environment in which that cancer cell lies because we know it’s vitally important. You take a Japanese woman in Japan and you move her to Hawaii and San Francisco, the rate of breast cancer like triples, even though the genetics are exactly the same.

So what’s the difference? The difference is clearly the diet and the environment in which that breast cancer cell is living, so again what is going to stimulate breast cancer cells to grow– And in the lab the answer is very clear, insulin is what breast cancer cells need. You can’t barely grow breast cancer cells in a dish without insulin. If you take away the insulin, they all like die. And if you give them lots of insulin, they grow, because the nutrient sensing pathways are the same as the growth pathway.

So you take this breast cancer cell, and remember the obesity didn’t cause the cancer, but after that cancer cell is there, you’re going to stimulate it to grow if you have a lot of insulin, so type 2 diabetes, a disease of hyperinsulinemia, higher risk of cancer, obesity, disease of hyperinsulinemia, higher risk of cancer, and then you say what about the other ones? What about AMPK for example… what blocks the AMPK or what affects the AMPK? Metformin.

It’s like, oh well you know that metformin in a lot of studies has been associated with a significantly decreased rate of breast cancer and is it like the effect on AMPK, it’s a very interesting hypothesis, what about mTOR? It’s like because they are the three nutrient sensing pathways. Well, mTOR, you can block mTOR with rapamycin, which is an anti-cancer medication, right.

Why? Because you’re blocking the pathways. So rapamycin is super super interesting because it blocks mTOR right. So, it’s developed as an immune suppressing drug and the thing about immune suppressants, is that they generally increase the rate of cancer and the immune system sort of destroys cancer on site. So, if you give a drug that suppresses the immune system, like you give these transplant patients tons of drugs to suppress the immune system, cancer goes crazy and that’s why–

Bret:  Infections.

Jason:  Infections, absolutely, but sort of unique amongst these immune suppressants, cancers went down, it’s like wow.

Bret:  The specific one – rapamycin.

Jason:  With rapamycin, yeah it’s like fascinating because you’re blocking mTOR, so because you’re blocking growth pathways, you don’t have the– that’s why it blocks your immune system but it also blocks cancer, it very specifically targets this nutrient sensing growth pathway, which is the same thing, which is now a man humble pie. The diet… it’s like… wow!

Bret:  So, it’s a fascinating field and one of the things that’s important though is to talk about the level of evidence of support. So what you’ve been talking about is a mechanistic level of evidence of support and with the Japanese women moving to the United States, sort of the epidemiological or observational, so we don’t know it was the diet, we know it was an environmental change in the diet, which is a big part of that and the mechanisms you’re describing certainly make sense.

So it all seems to fit, but yet we don’t quite have those human trials, to say yes it works which can make it a little bit uncomfortable for you to recommend fasting for that.

Jason:  For sure, because you don’t know what the effect is, but you know that for example if you use fasting to reduce obesity, you’re a likely going to have a beneficial effect but you can’t say that for sure. And the other thing is that we’re, this is prevention right, so this is you talking, you don’t know if you’re going to prevent it because you don’t know if someone’s going to get it or not. You’re not doing those big trials that are going to say we fasted sort of a million women and this is what happened.

Those trials don’t exist so now we’re talking about going into treatment and that’s a totally different thing. One I don’t think there’s much data whatsoever but there is some super interesting data about sort of combination therapy, right. So, you say okay well diet is not going to cut it for a treatment, like you can’t have breast cancer and think you’re just going to fast and yes there’s a few case reports and so forth but for the most part that is not going to work for most people.

But can you combine it with say chemotherapy to make it better? And that’s something that’s really, really fascinating because for example fasting reduces the side effects of chemotherapy. We know that because chemotherapy, and there’s been a couple of papers on that, the chemotherapy affects the most rapidly dividing cells so in the human body the normal body, the cancer cells are growing faster, that’s why you are targeting rapidly growing cells, the hair follicles grow quickly, the epithelial cells in the intestinal system for example are very rapidly growing so therefore you get nausea and vomiting and hair loss.

So, if you put these, if you now fast for 48 hours for example, and you get these cells to ramp down their growth, they will enter a sort of a more quiescent state, now you whack them with big doses of chemotherapy, you’re going to get less side effects, so if you get less side effects, one you’re going to be able to get a lot of treatments have to be ramped back, because there’s too many side effects, so you would get the full treatment.

Or maybe you can get a higher dose treatment because you’re looking for this maximal tolerated dose, and then there’s some interesting data to suggest that maybe that– So the worry there of course is that the cancer cells will also go into this protective state, but apparently some preliminary data suggests that this doesn’t happen because they are stuck in this sort of on mode, that’s the whole point of cancer that they are in this sort of growth mode.

Bret:  They don’t have the normal feedback loops so–

Jason:  Exactly. For prevention you might be able to do something about it but for treatment, maybe you can combine it. And they talk about combining a ketogenic diet with drugs for example are going to be beneficial so they do these things so the PI3K pathway is actually the growth pathway, and they have drugs that can block it.

And they say what if you down regulate insulin by eating a ketogenic diet and then by giving the drug, like can you do better than doing either one alone. Those studies are very interesting, there’s not a lot of data, so cancer is more of an evolving story that I think you know would be. You know, it’s super interesting but …

Bret:  It’s safe to say it’s in its infancy but shows promise and so maybe in the next five to 10 years, we’ll have a completely different discussion and say yes here’s what the evidence shows, one way or the other.

Jason:  The one thing you know for sure is that in the prevention you can prevent the obesity and you can prevent the type 2 diabetes and there is a good chance you’re going to prevent some of these diseases. So remember color rectal and breast cancer are the big ones in terms of obesity related cancers, because they have already been declared obesity related cancers, so with the idea that hey reducing obesity is going to reduce the breast cancer for example.

Bret:  Yeah, that certainly makes sense. So, now transitioning from longevity and cancer to procreation and so you gave a talk today about PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome and you know you’re a nephrologist, so you did mention, so what is a kidney doctor doing talking about the ovaries? So draw the line and connect the dots for us.

Jason:  Yeah and I was saying that, I wasn’t very interested in the whole disease until a few years ago when we started really treating people and Nadia who work with us at the IDM program. She was one of the educators and all these women are getting pregnant, like 15, 20 women have gotten pregnant, and I’m like whoa, that is really interesting and we’ve always known that PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome is related to obesity and the insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes.

So it was sort of part of that whole metabolic syndrome spectrum that I had been talking about, but I hadn’t really looked closely into it and you know as I got interested I said okay let’s look at what happens with it, let’s look at the path of physiology, why are people getting PCOS. And it’s been well worked out and I showed a New England Journal of Medicine review article that sort of spells it all out so under the influence of too much insulin, your ovaries start to actually produce a lot of testosterone.

And when you have a lot of insulin, the liver decreases sex hormone binding globulin, so the effect of the testosterone is increased because there’s not a lot of globulin to bind it so the free testosterone is more active. So, therefore you get all the symptoms and the hair growth and the acne, clitoral enlargement, things that are sort of typical.

Bret:  And the infertility.

Jason:  Yeah, the infertility comes from the unovulatory cycles. So, you know, if you look at the insulin, what it does is it causes something called follicular arrest. So during the normal menstrual cycle, you have a developing follicle and then the sort of like the egg pops out and then it becomes a corpus luteum that involutes, that’s a normal menstrual cycle. If it doesn’t get pregnant, then you get the bleeding and the period.

So, if you have too much insulin, then you get follicular arrest and that means that the follicle stops developing at a certain point, so it never ovulates, it never reaches the size that it’s going to ovulate and if it doesn’t ovulate then there’s no egg and you can’t get pregnant. so that’s another– that’s the infertility. And the thing is if it doesn’t ovulate, it doesn’t become the luteal body which then involutes, which means that it just sort of gets reabsorbed into the body.

So, you’ve stopped the follicular development at a stage where it doesn’t ever go away, so you’ve got these cysts that develop over time. So, okay so those are the three sort of criteria of PCOS. You’ve got too much insulin which causes the follicular arrests which causes the cysts, you’ve got too much insulin which causes the follicular arrests which causes the unovulatory cycles and then you’ve got too much insulin which causes the hyperandrogynism.

So the whole disease is a disease of too much insulin and it’s been well worked out and it’s been in this review article… So it was like are okay… well like if it’s too much insulin, then bring down the insulin, that’s how you’re going to make the disease better. That’s the root cause treated. Instead, that’s not how we treat it, we give drugs.

Bret:  We give drugs.

Jason:  It’s like, oh, my God. This is a total replay of like type 2 diabetes. So, here you know the cause and you know the answer. The answer is if insulin is too high you got to drop it. How are you going to do that? Low carbohydrate diets, ketogenic diets, intermittent fasting. Instead we give birth control pills, we use Clomid, which is a– you know, causes the ovaries to start hyper secreting and that’s like, okay it’s not the answer, right?

Bret:  So getting mechanistically makes complete sense and now the level of evidence to my understanding is low-carb diets that can reverse a lot of the hirsutism, the hair growth, but I don’t know if we have any evidence saying it improves fertility but yet there’s lots of anecdotal evidence of that happening. Do you think we’re going to bridge that gap so that this will become a more common treatment?

Jason:  It depends if anybody is interested in actually looking at it, that’s for sure, that’s right. You know and this is one of the reasons they use metformin because they use it as a sort of, you know, insulin sensitizer, which makes a little bit of sense so I– at least that makes a little bit of sense. But you know the question is who’s looking at it, like these low carbohydrate diets haven’t been used for a long time because we worry about the dietary fats.

And intermittent fasting hasn’t been used. When I started talking about it like six years ago, like I was really just a lonely voice in the wilderness. Nobody, but nobody was studying this. So, are the studies going to come? I hope so. I don’t know that there’s a lot of people interested in it, but here’s the thing and this is sort of the art of medicine as opposed to the science of medicine. Everything in medicine comes down to risk versus reward, so if you give a drug like a beta block or you do a stent or something, what’s the risk of doing a stent? Because there’s risk, because everything has risk, and what’s the reward?

If the risk is more than the reward, then you don’t do it. If the reward is more than the risk, you go ahead and plop in a stent, or you give aspirin or you give beta blockers or whatever it is. So, what’s the risk if you don’t eat, you know for 16 hours of the day. What’s the cost like… zero? What’s the risk? If you are overweight, there’s practically no risk, so then you say well okay there’s no risk so any reward you can get is a plus and here’s the thing, you don’t have to prove.

If you’re a patient with PCOS, if you’re somebody with PCOS, you don’t have to prove that it works in everybody, you only have to prove that it works in yourself. So, if you have type 2 diabetes, if you have PCOS or any of these diseases, you can simply say, I’m going to try it. I’m going to try it for two months because it’s not going to cost me anything, I’m going to do low carbohydrate diets, I’m going to do intermittent fasting and see what happens.

If nothing happens and your disease is just as bad as before then you haven’t lost anything, you can go ahead and just do it, but what if your disease completely goes away? Right, now you’ve done something that all the drugs haven’t been able to do for you and the thing is that it’s big money here. So IVF is big money, it’s like four plus billion dollars a year, so these people who are doing fertility treatments and all the sort of stuff– like if you ever go into one of those clinics they are really nice, they look like a spa.

Bret:  Right and it’s also miserable for the women, I mean it is so uncomfortable and difficult to do and it can all be changed potentially with nutrition, yeah.

Jason:  Potentially, yeah, and it’s not just the discomfort of the IVF, it’s like if you want a baby, it’s like you want a baby, it’s like very totally like–

Bret:  It’s an emotional cost.

Jason:  It’s a huge emotional cost and the time is ticking because people are getting married later, we know that, people are having their babies’ later. It’s funny you know because, you know, my sister got married at like 22 and had her kids at like 24, she was like the latest of her friends.

Bret:  Wow, right.

Jason:  It’s like nowadays people are getting married at like 35 and having their baby at like 38 or something like that right. So if you’re having your baby at like 35+, I mean that used to be considered as low fertility time.

Bret:  Right, that’s advanced maternal age.

Jason:  Exactly, because fertility sort of peaks around 20 right, like you can’t stop getting pregnant at 18 or 20, right, but at 35 it’s not as easy as it was, so if you’re wasting time because you’re like saying I got to wait for the evidence and you know I’m going to do cycles of IVF, it’s well like why not, like you can do that. But why can’t you add it to or just use it instead? It just makes no sense and that’s what I mean, it’s sort of the art of medicine, because it’s not like do I not have evidence that works, no, but…

Bret:  Yeah, it’s a good perspective. We talk a lot about evidence based medicine and that is important to understand the quality of the evidence, especially when there is a risk to the treatment, like you’re saying. So, I think that was a good perspective for you to talk about weighing the risks and the benefits is what we do for everything.

If the risk is very low then the need for evidence is also a little bit lower if there’s a potential upside, it seems like one of those circumstances. Yeah it was sort of a whirlwind tour through the fasting, through longevity, through cancer, through fertility and it all tends to have a common theme, doesn’t it.

Jason:  Yeah, this is the thing, the thing is that we look at the– and I went over this and the diabetes code is that– if you look at the five sort of things that deal with metabolic syndrome, so the waist circumference, type 2 diabetes, high triglycerides, low HDL and hypertension, they’re actually all linked to hyperinsulinemia, but there’s actually so much more to it because it’s like after the metabolic syndrome it’s like obesity linked I think mechanistically really to hyperinsulinemia, type 2 diabetes, linked to hyperinsulinemia, PCOS linked to hyperinsulinemia, but also things like cancer where it may play not a sort of causative role but sort of facilitative role.

I mean you’re talking about the biggest killers in America, so heart disease, stroke, diabetes, cancer are sort of like at least four of the top five and all of them are impacted by hyperinsulinemia. I think that’s a better term than insulin resistance as it immediately tells you what you need to do. So, insulin resistance doesn’t tell you what you need to do.

Bret:  Good point.

Jason:  So, if you say, I have insulin resistance, people will say what caused it, and then there’s all this debate, oh maybe it’s a high fat cause in insulin resistance, I don’t think so, but if you say now, that the problem is hyperinsulinemia, then you say okay well I have too much insulin, bring it down. It’s like well it seems pretty obvious how you can bring it down.

Cut the carbs and don’t eat, so it’s much more powerful. So just changing that word, makes it so much more powerfully clear to people, what you’re supposed to do because there’s been a shift in medicine, right. If you look at the causes of death, there’s a complete shift from sort of 100 years ago and you’re talking–

Bret:  Trauma, infection.

Jason:  Exactly, right, the infections and diarrhea, you now, that sort of thing to what are now, you know well the top two, sort of, if you’re looking at the cause of death too and then there’s everything else. Heart disease and cancer are off the scale in terms of the amount of people they kill and then everything else is actually quite a bit lower than that.

So, and those are diseases which are going to be impacted by metabolic syndrome and also we know cancer, like for so many years was thought about as a genetic disease, it’s like what about the genetics when you put it in a high growth environment, which is a high nutrient environment, and it’s like okay, well you know that cancer, you go back to sort of those traditional African societies and stuff.

They had cancer right, a lot of them were viral cancers, lymphoma and so on, but those cancers like breast cancer, they practically didn’t exist. The Eskimo, or the Inuit that we call them now, in the far north of Canada, they actually studied them, very intensively to see why they were immune to cancer.

Bret:  Immune?

Jason:  They’re immune to cancer, except for EBV they got nasopharyngeal carcinoma and stuff, but they didn’t get breast cancer and they didn’t get colon rectal cancer. And then of course, we took them away from their traditional lifestyle of hunting and gathering and gave them white bread and you know seed oils and sugar and all of a sudden cancer just goes way, way, way up.

So, we pretend that cancer is this disease of all genetics, genetics, genetics but it’s not because two of the sort of– okay if you talk about the big three cancers, lung cancer, obviously it’s just smoking, right? Let’s forget that. So the next two are breast cancer and colon rectal cancer, prostate cancer is number four and is actually very common, but doesn’t kill as many people because it’s slow growing and it doesn’t sort of effect the younger groups as much.

So, breast cancer and colon rectal cancer, which we’ve already declared are obesity related cancer, so it’s like let’s face the fact that these are actually diseases that may have something to do with insulin and reducing a state of hyperinsulinemia might be highly beneficial for them, and again what’s the downside?

Bret:  What’s the risk, yeah.

Jason:  Exactly.

Bret:  So, when done safely, that’s the key. When done safely when fasting, with low-carb nutrition, when done safely can make a big impact with very little downside.

Jason:  Yeah, absolutely.

Bret:  Well, it was a great summary and a great discussion of all that, so thank you very much for taking the time. Give us a little hint, what’s next for you and where can people learn more about you?

Jason:  Yeah, so they can go to our website which is idmprogram.com, which stands for intensive dietary management and there’s lots of resources, free resources and paid resources if you want more. You can go on Twitter, I’m usually fairly active there. I’ve got the books, you know. Next up, you know I’m writing a book about PCOS which is sort of you know about what we talked about and also, I’m doing that with Nadia and then also a cancer book as well.

Just talking about sort of, it’s not like a how to cure cancer, because that’s not going to happen, but it’s sort of this, you know I’m really, really fascinated because the whole story of cancer has changed so completely from what we thought it was. We thought it was just a bunch of randomly accumulated genetic mutations and sort of from 1990-ish, you know when I went into medical school in 92 sort of to 2010 probably, it was all considered genetic mutations.

But now the whole theory of what cancer is has completely changed and now we’re talking about evolution, using evolutionary biology and trying to understand how cancers develop and we’re trying, talking about, you know– One of the really fascinating things about cancer is why it occurs in every single cell in the body, like almost every single cell in the body can become cancerous, and that’s really weird, and it’s not just that.

Almost every multi cellular animal in existence can develop cancer, even a hydra which is one of the most primitive multi cellular organisms can develop cancer. So cancer is not a disease of just humans, it actually predates humanity by a lot. It’s a much, much more ancient than we knew, and it actually probably dates back to the transition between uni-cellularity and multi-cellularity, which is, you know what is, and that’s really what the fascinating story of cancer really is, and that’s …

Bret:  That almost speaks against insulin resistance, as being a contributor, so I think it’s more complicated than–

Jason:  It’s definitely more complicated. But insulin resistance or hyperinsulinemia is going to play a sort of facilitative role, it’s going to make– it’s not going to cause cancer.

Bret:  I think that’s an important differentiation.

Jason:  If the cancer is there, it’s going to make it grow faster. That’s the difference, you take a Japanese woman from Japan and she may get breast cancer but if you put her in a high nutrient environment, which is a high growth environment, that is give her lots of you know, bread and insulin goes way up and MTOR goes way up, well you know all of a sudden that breast cancer, which wasn’t a problem, back then– You take a look at the Inuit for example, they clearly have the potential to develop cancer, but they’re keeping insulin so low for example that those cells never get the growth– #!Environment matters.

Jason:  It’s the environment that matters but then you put them in– you give them you know fried bread, which is basically like white bread fried in oil, that’s what they eat. Now you give them a high growth environment and now those cells that would not have grown, do grow and that’s when you start to see cancer.

So we go from a time where we consider the Inuit to be completely immune to cancer, these people don’t get cancer ever, to hey they get a lot of cancer over here, and it’s because of the environment, not because of the genetics. So, that is the sort of story of cancer, so it’s not really just about fasting and so on, actually you know, I’m more interested in the deeper story which is changing and I don’t think it’s the end of–

I don’t think it’s the final answer, there’s just so much more to be learned about it. But it’s just very interesting as we move from that transition, from a paradigm of pure genetics to a paradigm of evolutionary biology, which to me is a much more fascinating.

Bret:  Interesting structure change, for sure. Well, thank you for all your information and all you’re doing online and all you’re doing to help people and promote the idea that insulin matters and environment matters, thank you very much.

Jason:  Thank you.

Transcript pdf

Source: https://www.dietdoctor.com/diet-doctor-podcast-23-dr-jason-fung