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cycwrites · 4 years ago

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WIP Things aka Unofficial Fic Tease

In order to remind myself that I’ve left all of you hanging for the rest of my trilogy rewrite, I thought I would post my unbeta’d, unedited, good with the bad chapter 1 for the second movie. I also have hope that it will make me feel guilty for taking so damn long and get back to it. Especially since I’ve basically closed myself off from writing (and the muses) and I’m trying to pry the doors back open because I really do miss sharing my stories with you guys.

I wrote this well over a year ago, along with a 2nd chapter that deals with the Dean’s office, and really just hope you like it.

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About Damn Time

Chapter One: So That Happened

Word Count: 2600 -------- ~B~

At the end of Beca’s junior year, two things of note happened.

First: Chloe, once again, made the decision to stay with Beca and the Bellas and failed Russian Lit for the third time. Beca had tried to talk her out of it, torn between wanting Chloe to move forward in her life beyond Barden and guilt that she was relieved they wouldn’t have to figure out how to work a long distance relationship. She wasn’t ready to try that and couldn’t imagine leading the group without her. But Chloe had insisted this was where she’d wanted to be and she didn’t feel like she was missing out on anything.

Second: The Bellas were asked to perform at President Obama’s 50th birthday celebration at the Kennedy Center on August 8th.

Beca had laughed when the call had come through the never used landline at the Bella house.

“Good afternoon, this is Mack Johnson and I’m calling on behalf of the White House…”

“Yeah right. Nice try, Jesse.” She hung up and pulled out her cell phone as she walked into the kitchen. Pausing by the counter she typed out a quick message to him.

Beca: I’ve gotta give you points for originality though. You almost sounded like an actual adult.

She poured herself a glass of lemonade before he answered.

Jesse: I’m going to take that as a compliment and ignore the wound to my manly pride, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Beca: Whatever you say, ‘Mack.’ If you’d said you were calling from anywhere but the White House I might’ve let you keep talking.

Instead of answering via text, Jesse called her.

“Are you day drinking, Mitchell?” Jesse clucked his tongue. “Without your lesbro? I’m hurt, Becaw.”

“I was going to ask you the same thing.” Beca lifted her glass and took a sip. “What inspired your call today?”

“Uh, your cryptic and confusing texts to me, of course.” Jesse chuckled. “Want to clue me in?”

Beca sighed. “Man you’re committed to this.”

“To what?”

Beca set her glass on the counter. “Fine – you just called me and –” She jumped as the phone in the living room rang for only the second time in her years at Barden. “Pretended… to be… from the White House.”

“I thought you said you weren’t drinking?” Jesse laughed but it sounded distant as Beca watched Chloe answer the phone.

Her girlfriend’s blue eyes went wide and locked on Beca’s as she said, “I’m sorry, did you say you’re calling from the White House?”

“Jesse?” Beca said absently.

“Yes, Beca?” His voice took on an echo as all the blood drained from her face.

“I gotta go pass out now.” She swallowed dryly. “I’ll call you later.”

“Beca wa-”

Beca had remained frozen in the kitchen while Chloe became more and more animated, frantically scribbling down notes on the notepad sitting beside the phone, though her voice was carefully calm and collected. Then she’d run into the kitchen, screaming and jumping in excitement and talking faster than Beca’s shocked mind could process. Drawn by the commotion like a frat boy to a kegger, the rest of the girls soon joined the chaos while Beca still stood frozen by the counter as they swirled around her.

The school had allowed them to stay on campus through the summer so they could discuss songs and choreography. The time had been a whirlwind of security checks and practice and everything they planned needed to be vetted by the performance organizers. Of course, since they’d come to the Bellas after their third ICCA win in a row, there weren’t any real problems.

Until the night of the performance when one set of tangled silks and a desire for no panty lines wrecked everything.

No pun intended.

~B~ Sunday, August 24th, 2014

Beca lay on their bed and stared at the ceiling, listening to Chloe pace beside her.

“I’ve ruined everything.” Pace to the head of the bed. “Destroyed our reputation.” Pace back to the foot. “Made the Bellas a joke.”

Beca sighed and pushed herself up on her elbows. “Chloe. It’s a capella. It’s already a jo-” She stopped as Chloe spun to face her, outraged. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” Beca tried a smile. “I was just trying to lighten the mood.” She let it slip when Chloe just stared at her and Beca dropped back down to gaze at the ceiling. “Won’t make that mistake again.”

“I’m the one who gave Amy the green-light to do ‘Wrecking Ball.’” Chloe resumed pacing.

“Because, despite most of her claims, she actually had done some training on the silks before coming to the states.” Beca countered, as she had for the past three weeks. “She was good on them and never once in our rehearsals did she get tangled up.”

“But-”

“No.” Beca cut her off and sat up, pulling her legs up to sit cross legged and face her. “We all agreed to let her do it. It was a group vote.” She softened her voice and held out her hand. “This isn’t all on you, Chlo.”

With a sigh, Chloe took her hand and let herself be tugged onto the bed. Beca stretched back out and Chloe settled against her side. “It feels like it.”

“That’s because you’re the one who looks out for us.” Beca gently rubbed her back. “No one could’ve predicted this, love.”

“No…” Chloe said grudgingly. “But…”

Beca cut her off again. “There’s no buts.”

“Except Amy’s.” Chloe huffed, tension that had begun to fade making her stiffen up again in Beca’s arms. “All over the news.” She groaned. “Why didn’t I just use the cloth I was freaking holding to cover her up?”

“Same reason I didn’t,” Beca said reasonably, having heard a version of this several times before. “My mind went blank and I couldn’t move. I just… kept waiting to wake up.”

“Same.” Chloe pressed her nose to Beca’s shoulder. “I still am. This is such a nightmare.”

“She feels bad.” Beca offered. “It was her idea to do that press conference.” She winced as Chloe snorted.

“Yeah, where she then tried to show her ‘silk burn’ to the entire world.” Chloe sat up and pushed herself off the bed. “Again.” She resumed pacing and Beca’s mind hunted around for anything she could say to defuse things.

“At least we saved Aubrey’s college legacy from Pukegate?” Even as the words were out of her mouth Beca knew they were stupid and wrong.

“And ruined ours with Muffgate.” Chloe snarled.

“I wish I could find the asshole that came up with that. Bet it was those podcast people and of course everyone else jumped on it.” Beca made a face. “It was an accident and eventually there will be another crisis for them to focus on.” She slid over to the edge of the bed and swung her legs over. “It won’t be forever, Chlo.”

Pace, turn. “But tomorrow we go see the Dean.” Pace, turn. “With those podcast people who are apparently actually part of the Collegiate A Cappella Association.”

“They’re still weird and he’s an ass.” Beca stood up and stretched as she heard the door open at the bottom of the stairs. “Think you’ll be able to enjoy yourself at dinner tonight?”

Chloe stopped by the small table they inherited from Aubrey and took a deep breath. “Of course. It’s Amy’s birthday. I’m not going to ruin it for her.” She flashed Beca a small grin, the first in an hour. “Why do you think I’m up here instead of downstairs?”

“Speaking of,” a new voice said from the stairs. “There’s maybe… A situation.” Jessica smiled apologetically when they both looked at her as she reached the top.

Beca sighed. “Of course there is.”

“Do I even want to know?” Chloe pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Probably not, but Stacie sent me to get you.”

“Coward,” Beca muttered. “She knows I can’t hit you because you’re too nice.” She took a deep breath. “Okay, quick like ripping off a band-aid.”

“Amy’s sitting on the couch. With a towel on her lap.” Jessica hesitated.

“That’s… Why is that a big deal?” Chloe asked, confused.

“She’s… commando. Because of her silk burn.” The blonde’s shoulders bounced once but she didn’t say anything else.

“I swear to fucking god I’m going to glue underwear on her,” Chloe muttered under her breath.

Beca was struck by a horrible thought. “Is she sitting on another towel?”

“We were afraid she’d show us if we asked.” Jessica looked at Beca. “That’s when Stacie sent me to get you.”

“Why do I have to do it?” Beca knew she was whining but couldn’t help it.

“Because you’re the captain.” Jessica shrugged again. “You can threaten her with cardio if she tries to flash us again.”

“Yeah but Amy doesn’t always listen to me and I don’t want to have flashbacks.” Beca reluctantly headed for the stairs as Jessica started back down.

“Birthday or not…” Chloe muttered as she followed.

“I’m sure Lilly has a hot glue gun you can use,” Beca mused, not surprised to find Ashley hanging out in the hallway when they left the attic.

“Don’t tempt me.” Chloe didn’t say anything else the entire trip down the stairs.

Beca rounded the corner, passing Jessica and Ashley who had stopped in the entry and came to a halt herself, Chloe running into her back.

All she could see was the back of Amy’s head but she appeared to be looking straight at Lilly who sat cross-legged on the ottoman and staring back.

“Do I even want to know?” Beca turned her head toward Jessica but didn’t take her eyes off the scene.

“I didn’t ask that either,” came the whispered reply.

Beca took a bracing breath then walked into the living room. Despite the reassurance that the covering towel existed, Beca didn’t relax until she saw it for herself. It was nothing personal against Amy, but Beca just didn’t want to see any of the Bellas naked, Chloe being the obvious exception. You never knew when the visual would pop back in your head and Amy had already shown up enough in the past few weeks to last a lifetime.

“Amy.” Beca looked up at a sound from the kitchen and saw Stacie leaning in the doorway with Cynthia Rose and Flo sitting at the center island.

“Captain.” Amy didn’t turn her head or avert her gaze.

“Are you guys in a staring contest?” Beca frowned, looking between the two women. “And if so why?”

“I don’t know,” Amy lifted one shoulder. “All I know is she hasn’t blinked since she sat down and why take the risk of losing.”

Beca felt her eyes twitch at the thought. “Jesus, please cut it out before my eyes start watering.” She stepped between them and Amy closed her eyes in relief.

“Thanks, Shawshank. That was starting to burn.” She started to lift one corner of the towel to wipe her eyes and Beca threw out her hand.

“Nope. That stays there.” Chloe said it before Beca could.

“Please tell me you’re sitting on another towel.” Beca sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

“Of course I am!” Amy actually looked indignant. “I’m not a heathen, Beca.” She rolled her eyes. “The pants I want to wear to dinner are tight, so I’m giving my bits time to breathe first.”

“Now that’s in my head.” Cynthia Rose muttered from the kitchen.

“That’s in all our heads,” Ashley said from the doorway behind them.

“You could always wear that blue skirt,” Chloe offered diplomatically. “That way you’re not uncomfortable for your birthday dinner.”

“I do look hot in that.” Amy thought about it while the rest of them made sounds of agreement. “Alright, you’ve swayed me. And as it’s almost that time, guess I’ll go upstairs and change.” She started to stand as Beca moved back then paused. “If you’d all turn around and give me some privacy while I wrap?”

Beca rolled her eyes as she turned to face the front window that, thankfully, had the curtains drawn. “That’s what you get for being half naked in the public areas of the house.”

“I got bored in my room.” Beca heard Amy stand up and the rustle of fabric. “Alright, I’m decent.”

“Hey!”

Beca jumped at the unexpected shout and looked over her shoulder. Stacie had come out of the kitchen and was pointing at the couch.

“That’s my favorite towel!” Outage filled her face. “I was looking for that for over a week!”

“It’s also the softest towel in the house.” Amy said as she picked it up, tucking the other firmly around her waist. “It’s the only thing that doesn’t hurt when I’m sitting.”

A choked sound from behind her brought Beca’s eyes back around to Chloe, who was biting the inside of her cheek and trying not to giggle. “I’m sure she’ll wash it before she gives it back.”

Beca tried to choke back her laugh and ended up sounding like a pug with a cold as she snickered into her hand.

“I think…” Stacie sighed. “Happy Birthday, Amy. It’s all yours.”

“You sure, Stretch?” Amy threw the towel in question over her shoulder. “I don’t think I’ll need it for much longer.”

“Yup.” Stacie nodded emphatically. “I’ll go get another one this weekend.”

“Thanks, Stacie.” Amy smiled at her before her lips twisted slightly. “Sorry I didn’t ask first.”

“’S okay.” Stacie shrugged. “Now go get changed so we can celebrate your day.”

“Are you allowed to give me orders on my birthday?” Amy mused as she headed for the stairs.

“Probably not,” Beca said. “But I’ll probably do it anyway.”

“Bossy.” Chloe whispered behind her and Beca flashed her a grin.

“Alright.” Beca clapped her hands once. “Show’s over, let’s go get our party outfits on and get some grub. We’ve got a Bella to celebrate.”

Stacie walked past her, shaking her head. “Bossy.”

Beca let her head fall back as she stared at the ceiling. “I can’t with you two.”

“What?” Stacie paused in the door to the entry. “Did we do the thing again?”

“Yup.” Chloe pushed Beca toward the stairs. “I called her that thirty seconds ago.” She high fived Stacie over Beca’s shoulder when the tall woman grinned and held out her hand.

“Score one for us.” Stacie laughed and started up the stairs.

“I hate you guys.” Beca said weakly as she followed.

“Liar,” Chloe laughed and ran her hand down Beca’s back.

“Maybe.” Beca let Chloe go before her.

“Definitely.”

“Yeah yeah,” Beca waved her up the stairs, unable to help admiring the way Chloe’s muscles flexed as she moved. “But seriously, my stomach just woke up and if I don’t feed it soon it’s going to take over the world.”

“Aye aye, Captain.” Stacie saluted as she stepped into her room.

“Smartass,” Beca threw back.

“And you love it.” Stacie closed the door with a laugh.

“Stop flirting with Stacie and let’s go change before you get hangry.” Chloe took her hand and tugged on it.

“She wishes,” Beca muttered but followed Chloe up to their room, ignoring the ‘Often’ that came from Stacie’s room behind them.

‘She’s got bat hearing, I swear.’ Beca thought to herself as she went to the closet to get her outfit for the night.

Tomorrow was still looming over them, but Beca pushed it all away, determined to think about Amy and the Bellas for the rest of the night.

It was one mistake and they’d just won three years in a row. Surely they weren’t in that much trouble.

Right?

#bechloe #beca mitchell #chloe beale #all the other bellas #rise 1 #cyc fic tease #cyc motivational seeker

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fablesrose · 4 years ago

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OKAS XXXIII

Description: Y/n, a girl who seems to have found her calling. Being a SHIELD agent is like a dream come true. With a friendship starting to form with the Avengers, she’s the Queen of the world! What could go wrong?

Pairings: Avengers x reader, Loki x reader (eventually)

Warnings: fluff, angst

OKAS Masterlist~Masterlist

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The days were getting better. I think.

Food was a blessing. I haven't had real food for seven years; I should have cherished it. Luckily I had the biggest pile of breakfast food I think I had ever seen placed on my plate.

"Are you going to eat all of that?"

I glanced at Steve, then back at my plate, then back at him, then at my plate.

I never answered him.

I've been living on smoothies for the past six months, then before that, I wasn't even sure if what I was eating was food. My stomach was probably not as big as it once was.

Despite this, I dug in anyway. I had forgotten how good food was, even though I've been out of that cell for a few meals now. I just kept eating to the point where I didn't notice everyone else coming into the kitchen.

"Hey Y/n, I wanna introduce you to the rest of the team," Tony placed a hand on my shoulder making me jump.

I quickly swallowed and wiped my mouth clean, "Okay."

He went around the room giving me names one by one.

"This is Vision."

He had red skin and didn't look human with a yellow stone in his head.

"He's an android."

Oh.

"That's Sam." Tony pointed at the man leaning against the counter eating a bowl of oatmeal. He raised his bowl in acknowledgment. He looked nice enough.

"You've met Wanda and Bucky."

I nodded at them. Wanda didn't look at me, but Bucky waved.

"Rhodey is over there." He lifted a hand. He looked older than the others, closer to Tony's age.

Tony looked around the room, "You'll meet Peter later, he's at school."

There was a blur of blue light that came from the hallway that headed towards the fridge before coming back to sit at the counter.

"And that would be Pietro, he's the guy you sparred with. He and Wanda are twins. Any questions?"

"The last time I asked a question under normal circumstances I got kidnapped seven years ago, so I'm good." I looked at Pietro, he looked a little tired, but otherwise alright. "Hey, nice to finally officially meet you, sorry I almost killed you the other day."

He glanced up at me, "Can't say I return the pleasure, and uh, thanks."

"That's fair."

"That was awfully nonchalant of you." Loki took the seat next to me, stealing a piece of toast. I was nearly full, so I didn't mind.

"Hey, I would have said the same thing if I ever got an apology from you."

"I have apologized."

"I don't remember it."

"You've said it yourself, you've forgotten a lot of things over the last seven years."

I tilted my head, "I'm pretty sure I would have remembered if you ever apologized. That would be cemented in my brain."

Loki hesitated, "I'll admit you weren't quite... in your right mind when I did it."

"Oh?"

"You were high."

I thought back, "Which time?"

I heard a snort from somewhere in the room; I had forgotten people were there to listen in.

"You were given a sedative for one of your checkups after the... incident."

"Ah. Still don't remember it."

He sighed, "Fine, I'm sorry."

I smiled, "Thank you."

There was a pause where I took another couple of bites of my breakfast.

"So, anyone wanna tell me the story behind that?" Sam said, looking absolutely baffled.

I side-eyed Loki, "Do you wanna tell them, or should I?"

Do we have to tell the story?

Come on Lokes, it's a funny story!

I don't find it that funny.

Oh, the God of Mischief, otherwise known as chaos, doesn't find a story, where he makes some chaos, funny.

...

"So who's telling the story?"

I glanced up at Bucky before looking back at Loki. He looked slightly uncomfortable.

"I guess I am." I slid the rest of my plate away from me, officially full.

"I'm not staying for this." Loki started to stand before I grabbed his wrist.

"Oh no, you don't. You're gonna sit your ass back down and listen."

"I could just teleport away, you know that."

I looked him dead in the eye, "But you're not going to."

He grumpily rested his head on his fist and didn't reply.

I looked around the room, making sure everybody was there. "Alright, so it goes like this. I'm just coming back from an infiltration mission, full-on Hydra gear, the whole setup. My superior, Agent Brian Fletcher-- how is Fletcher, by the way?"

Tony answered, "He's retired, got a nice cabin in the northwest."

"Good for him."

I continued the story, putting in a few more comedic details than there were. Tony and Loki looked at me suspiciously but didn't say anything.

"And so I'm lying there, can't breathe, and I'm just like, 'You son of a bitch, what the heck?'"

The room erupted in laughter. I looked over at Loki who had a small smile on his face while he looked at his hands on the counter.

I finished the story with grace and excused myself to my room. Social interactions were exhausting now and I still had to get used to "normal life." It was nice; having friends was nice. It's been a while since I've had some.

I lied on the bed--no, on my bed. The lights were dimmed as I tried to recharge a little bit. The bed was soft, I just sunk right into it, but it was almost too soft. Seven years of sleeping on a cot that was only a fraction better than the floor can do that to you. I couldn't get comfortable so I eventually lowered myself to the floor, sitting up against the side. The memory of the cots had stirred something in me.

"Hey, Jarvis?"

A voice that was not Jarvis answered me, "Jarvis has been incorporated into the android Vision on the team and is no longer in service. My name is Friday, is there something that I can help you with?"

I thought on it and mumbled to myself, "I guess his voice did sound familiar." I sighed before asking, "Do you have access to recovered Kingdom files?"

"Yes I do miss, what would you like me to look for?"

"Jasmine Okoro."

Friday paused as the AI searched the files. It then produced a hologram of the file in front of me. Friday began reading it out loud, "Prisoner D2- Jasmine Okoro. In facility from April 2010 to May 2014. Status: Deceased. Occasion of death: Duel. Final Opponent: Asset D1-The Queen. Results-"

Friday kept reading through the report, but I stopped listening. I just kept reading the status and the final opponent over and over.

I killed Jasmine.

Something under my skin started to feel unnatural. More than usual I should say.

"Friday, where's the nearest fortified room? Like a panic room? And the fastest route to get there."

I barely heard its instructions, but I made it there and locked the door behind me. The walls were white concrete and not entirely smooth. I stumbled to the center of the room before collapsing on my knees.

I forced myself to look at my hands as ink sprouted from my fingertips and spread up my arms. These hands killed my only friend while in hell. I pounded my hands against the ground, trying to make myself feel something. Something beyond the unexplainable feeling of my skin.

Eventually, it wasn't enough and I had to release even more. Spears shot from my fingers and shattered against the walls, but I still needed to release more. The anger, the despair, and maybe there was a bit of jealousy there too. She didn't suffer as long as I did. Most of it was the guilt and the grief that seemed to rot my insides.

A cloud of soot exploded from my body with such force that I could hear it hit the walls around me. I collapsed to the ground, trembling and exhausted. This was the first time I had used Noxy's powers. I'm not sure how I felt about it, and I was too tired to care.

Tears streamed down my face onto the ground and I shut my eyes tightly, cradling my hands to my chest. Everything felt empty, my mind, my heart.

I had never been more grateful that there wasn't a thought in my head.

~~~

Loki sat at the counter while everyone else finished their breakfast and dispersed to work on their own tasks.

"That's not really how that story goes is it?"

Loki glanced over to see that Pietro was the last one in the kitchen other than himself. "No, no it isn't."

"What's the truth?"

Loki smirked, "You're asking the truth from the god of lies?"

Pietro's eyes looked weary, but sparked in amusement, "We all know you're about as honest as the rest of us."

A glass of water appeared in Loki's fingertips, "I guess that's true enough, young one." He took a sip. "The truth is, is that I almost killed her that day. She had just gotten her big break to fulfill her dreams and I threw her back to the bottom of the ladder with that severe of an injury."

"And she's able to just laugh it off with you never really apologizing until now?"

"You'll find she's like that." He paused, "Understand, that she will apologize to you as many times as you require of her, but-"

"I get it," Pietro interrupted, "Y/n's got more pressing matters on her plate than a sparring match gone slightly too far."

Loki watched the young man appraisingly, "Quite right, thank you."

The room was quiet for a moment before Loki started to notice some faint noises. His eyebrows wrinkled as he tried to decipher what exactly the sound was and where it was coming from. He looked at Pietro, "Do you hear that?"

"The thumping? Yes, but I figured that was just tired hallucinations, but I guess not."

They both stood and started wandering, trying to identify where it was coming from until there was a louder sound, loud enough for them to feel in their feet. They paused and found that it had gone quiet.

"Friday? Where was that coming from?"

The AI recited what room and they found their way without much hurry, only a bit of curiosity.

They found the room and found it to be locked. Loki turned the knob without too much trouble after a wave of his hand. He cautiously peeked his head through the door to see if it was safe. Once he came to the conclusion that nothing was going to attack him he opened the door wide enough for Pietro to follow. Loki's eyes landed in the center of the room where he saw a huddled form.

It didn't seem to be moving.

Loki rushed to the figure and his breath of relief caught in his throat when he realized that it was Y/n, despite the fact that he saw she was breathing.

"Is she okay?"

Loki looked her over, "I think so... She appears to be sleeping. I can't find anything wrong."

"Well that's good," Pietro sat down on the concrete, "say, Loki, do you remember what color this room used to be?"

Loki subconsciously ran his finger along the floor before lifting his eyes to the ceiling, "I'm not entirely sure, but I do know it wasn't stained black."

Best Buds Tag List

@snarky--starky @kitkatd7 @confetti-its-an-imagine-blog @kaogasm

OKAS Tag List

@paigelin @ghost-of-the-oldwest @frostedgiant

Loki Tag List

@whatafuckingdumbass

#loki odinson #loki fanfic #loki x reader #avengers x reader #avengersfanfiction #avengers x you #tony stark #natasharomanoff #bruce banne #OKAS #Ch 33 #steve rogers #nick fury #pietro maximoff #wanda maximoff #vision

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jesuschrististheway · 5 years ago

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Unsaid Things

Requested by: @ai-kizu-rp

Tmnt type:2014-2016

Prompt: Mikey and Raph’s crush(reader) get super close, and Raph ends up getting really jealous. He tries to get closer to you, but brutally fails. After he flips out, you realize you had been kinda insensitive, and you try getting closer to him.

BTW, you call Mikey honey, but it’s just like a friendly honey, kind of like a nurturing honey

Includes: romance, anger, sadness, and BRUTAL rejection

Warning: um idk Raph yells at you once(not trying to scare you or anything, just was really emotionally broken). The word cringe is in there(i know it’s not bad, but I just don’t like the word, except there is no other word for it. I don’t know what it is, I just don’t like it.

(Y/N)=your name

I think there is some mistakes, and maybe the story is poorly set up, and I’m really sorry. I tried my best! Hope you enjoy it!

It had been about a year since you met the turtles, and you were over there quite often. Your stays mostly consisted of you meditating, studying for your college exams, and just hanging out watching tv with the turtles.

You were showing Donnie how to make waffles, while frequently humming metal songs to yourself. Raph was at the kitchen counter when this happened, glancing up at you and cutely smiling to himself thinking you were awesome/adorable. He had kind of warmed up to you after a little while. Mikey struts in with his hands up in the air hollering, “ WHAT’S UP ANGELCAKES!!” He suddenly stops, and wonders what the little jail cell looking things you were cooking were. “Huh, what are these?” He reaches out to see what they were, only to burn his hand after putting it straight on the waffle maker. “HOLY FLUFFBUCKETS!! (softer voice) they just looked kinda yummy..” He bit his lip while holding his hand, while you were bending over laughing like a spray bottle.

“Oh, Mikey, honey... EECH!!!! EECH!!!!! Haha, those are waffles, here honey let me get you some ice.” you say in a nurturing way to Mikey.

Raph giggles to himself at your laugh, and slightly cringes at the fact that you called Mikey “honey”. He tries to brush it off.

You all cool down and then you sit down next to him on the couch while he’s icing his hand. “ Oh no, angelcakes, my hand is on fire right now, and I can’t play my video game. Can you play it for me? You agree and then Mikey directs you on how to play. You guys laugh together, and you soon start to get the hang of it. “YES!!!! ANGELCAKES IS ON FIYA RIGHT NOW!!!”

Raph growls slightly and then goes off to lift his weights.

You and Mikey start getting closer and Raph is getting more upset, because at the same time he starts developing major feelings for you. He just can’t help but stare at you with the excitement you have in your eyes. Mikey starts teaching you how to break dance, and he wants to teach you how to rap also. He will soon find out that you already know how to rap and can easily rival him. Raph overhears the conversation about how you already know how to rap after Mikey asks to teach you. He listens in and hears you start popping off with ya rap skills. He walks out from the dojo, and says “ wow, uh, er didn’t know ya could pop off like that.” He says blushing. “Maybe ya could teach me sometime...” You smile a little and say “ yeah, maybe..” and go back to laughing with Mikey. He gets just a crushed look on his face after seeing you completely ignore him. He walks to his room and turns on his metal/rock music, and slowly starts to question himself.

-of course, why would she like you, you’re just a big, mean, aggressive and ugly turtle. Of course she wouldn’t care about you, you act like ya don’t care about anyone else- Raph thought, even though he knew he cared deeply about his family and would do anything for them.

A few weeks later, Mikey goes out to go and hang out at your apartment. “ going to (Y/N)’s!” You and Mikey are inseparable lately and Raph is over it. Raph is enraged at the thought of Mikey going to your apartment, especially with how close you guys have been. He growls and struts angrily over to the weight rack and starts benching like a million pounds, slowly adding more every couple minutes. Raph tries to talk to Splinter, and Splinter is telling him that he can’t force someone to like him, and he’ll just have to keep trying. So he does, constantly. All you do is just tell him that you’re busy, or ya hangin out with Mikey. You’ve only hung out with him twice in the past few months.

However, this time was the last straw. Mikey points out your necklace with a cross on it, and asks about it. You tell him you wear it because you love Jesus and owe your life to him and God. You tell him all about it, and he says he wants to get into it. This was a time when you guys got closer than ever. Although Raph loves that you love God, you guys getting even closer is upsetting Raph(even though it’s a great thing to get closer about), and he can’t stop from stomping angrily away. You and Mikey kind of questioned it, but you figured it was just Raph being Raph. You soon hear yelling between him and Leo, while Splinter is trying to defuse the situation. It’s not working. This goes on for several minutes and you are surprised you didn’t hear any crashes. “Huh, wow.. that’s surprising. Didn’t hear anyone being smashed against the wall.” You joked with Mikey. You continue bonding, and then decide to play candy crush.

Raph angrily walks out, and just stops, and looks into your eyes. “Hey (Y/N), uh can I talk to ya real quick. Or maybe we can at least hang out?” You stare into his deep, stunning eyes, seeing that he really needs someone to talk to, and...

“eh, sorry, can’t. Playing candy crush with Mikey. You’re welcome to join though.” You smiled sweetly. Although he loved seeing you smile, this feeling was overpowered by rage. His soul had just been chewed up and spit out, and he trudges into the dojo. “Yup, always with Mikey.” He mumbled in his gruff voice. He had been expecting this, but he never truly thought that you would say no that easily with that look on his face. You see his face, and hear his mumble, and you are curious. Your mind goes back to the times when he invited you to hang out. You remember seeing that same look on his face, and your heart just breaks. Had you truly treated him like that? Did you truly care that little for him? You decide that your answer is no.

You walk up there cautiously, and you hear the punching bag being pummeled. You also hear frequent sniffles. You go in.

When you see him, all you can see are his bulging muscles. Sweat dripping off of them from his fight earlier and his current workout. You do the Radio Rebel thing.

“Uh, hey Raph, I’m really sorry. What did you need to talk about?”

ignores

“Um, Raph, I’m here now. You can talk to me.”

He looks at you, and then continues punching the punching bag.

“Raphael! (softer voice)...dude...please...talk to me.”

His eyes quickly narrow at the use of his full name. “DON’T SAY I CAN TALK TO YOU!”

He quickly walks up to you, his feet making the ground shake a tad. You are stunned by how much he towers over you. Girl, how had you never noticed this before?

(softer voice)” I’ve been trying to talk to you, hang with you, get to know you. But all you ever do is ignore me.” His eyes are watering greatly.

Although he had just yelled at you, you knew his only intentions with you were kind. In fact, even though he is mean to his brothers, you know that deep down in his heart, he cares. All he’s ever done is care about you. You deeply admire this trait about him.

-He likes you. He definitely likes you. I can feel it,- you thought.- I guess my recent actions and thoughts indicate that... I like him too. All he’s ever done is care, and I’ve all I’ve ever shown is that I’m insensitive.-

You take your hands, and tilt his face downwards. You see his big green eyes, and the pain behind them. You wrap your arms around him, and pull yourself close to his plastron. “I’m so sorry,” you whisper, tears forming in your eyes, “I was so insensitive, and rude. You were always so kind, and patient.” You grab a nearby stool(convenient, right?), and you set it down in front of him. You’re still not tall enough, and he thinks this is cute. You give him a deep, passionate kiss.

Man, you were both blushing hard.

Although he had already been holding tons of tears back, even more happy ones started to spill out. He picks you up by the waist, and spins you around.

“nah, it’s alright angelcakes. Sorry i got so jealous.”

Apparently, it sounds great when he says it, too.

He sets you down. You walk over to a little corner, and sit down. You pat the ground and say “So, uh, what do you want to talk about?”

#tmnt #raph x reader #mikey x reader #tmnt romance

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avauntus · 5 years ago

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A'right. I know no one needs this, but after spending a weekend watching old Supernatural and reading fandom posts...I have thoughts.

I think what s15xe18 (apparently) did to Dean and Castiel is...fitting. And it is a terrible embodiment of a horrible trope...that actually fits into the show universe in a nasty, twisty way.

I don't mean this as a homophobic statement. It is a bit of a ride, though-- and, obviously, spoilers past the cut.

GIF by fruiitycas (s05xe03)

“When humans want something...we lie.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s how you become President.”

(We’ll come back to this.)

When Castiel first appears, he is all hammer, as Dean puts it. He’s there to do a job. He has orders.

GIF by winchester--bros-4-life (s04xe01)

That doesn’t last long. Seven episodes later, he’s confiding in Dean...

GIF by I’m in the stars tonight (s04xe07)

...and not too long after that, he’s full-on rebelling. From the point Castiel decides to side with Dean (and to a lesser extent, Sam), he spends his time in a push/pull tension that never really quite leaves the character-- as far as I can tell, EVER:

Castiel is an Angel of the Lord. He’s not made for free will. He IS his garrison’s best strategist, though, so he does the next best thing -- he watches, and then he tries to apply the “lessons” in self-determination, such as they are.

He mostly watches Dean.

GIF by I don’t understand that reference (I don’t know which episode this is, but take your pick.)

Over time, Castiel gets better at making his own decisions, but he’s never great at it. It’s always hard. He watches too much, he doubts himself, and he tries too hard.

He gets really good at reading Dean, though.

And time doesn’t flow the same way for angels as it does for humans-- Castiel mentions it several times.

GIF by you fought for this whole world (s05xe04)

(Couple of things, here:

“Is it Zachariah?” - present tense, not past, despite the fact that, according to Castiel himself, the angels have left Earth by endverse 2014. He’s orienting himself according to past-Dean’s timeline, almost seamlessly.

and

“Interesting.” - not “You could change this,” which is what everyone starts hammering past-Dean with when endverse!Dean (and endverse!Sam) get over their shock at the body-double. Even at the end of the world, Castiel is trying to spare Dean...something.)

(Unrelated to this larger diversion, but while we’re on Endverse...Castiel knew what endverse!Dean meant to do:

GIF by castiels-tight-grip (s05xe04))

Castiel knowing how Dean reacts to things, and Castiel observing Dean’s desire to NOT talk about it...well-established, as is Castiel watching Dean for cues on how to...be. So far, pretty bog-standard canon, yes?

Oh, Death...

Both Castiel and Dean die...a LOT. It’s handy Dean has a special relationship with big-D Death, isn’t it?

GIF by dean-squad (s05xe21)

Death is one of the few things that gets presented as more powerful than God. There are...a few others. The most important thing to know, Supernatural-canon-wise, is that when you meet one of these... Let’s call them “Absolutes”... they will be bound by at least one absolute law. There’s only a few entities that punch at this weight in the Supernatural universe. Death is one, and the Empty another.

The Absolutes. A weekend of selective binge-watching has taught me that they have more power than anything, but they cannot break their (few) laws. Death will reap even God, but can be killed by their own scythe. The Empty absorbs dead demons, monsters, angels, and demigods...but the monsters and demigods have to accept it; the Empty cannot break its own “rules.”

GIF by starlightcastiel (s13xe04)

As I mentioned above, Castiel dies several times. He usually has a ‘get out of jail’ card handy...but at the end of season 12, it looked pretty serious. Castiel was stabbed with an angel blade...by Lucifer. We even get the classic “The angel has left the building” animation:

GIF by dandelion-teabag (s12xe22)

And then we learn: Castiel did die...and he was sent where all dead angels go, to the Empty (not “It’s a Wonderful Life”). When first confronted with the Empty, Castiel bluffs it, then out-faces it, because he is, at heart, a fighter-- and “Thursday’s child has far to go”

GIF by starlightcastiel (s13xe04)

If he and Dean talked about this (doubtful), I’m sure Dean was laudatory -- Dean does practically the same thing to Death on several occasions.

GIF by purgatoryking (s06xe11)

Of course, Dean and Castiel can’t simply sass their way to true happiness, because that would be a different show. Eventually the counterfeit checks they’re trying to cash are going to catch up with both of them...because the Absolutes cannot bend their own rules.

“It’s getting dark, too dark to see...”

By roughly...season 14? 15? we’ve arrived at a point where Castiel has gone from reflecting Dean’s own choices back at him...

GIF by inacatastrophicmind (s04xe20)

...to one where he’s trying to make his own choices almost completely independently.

GIF by inacatastropicmind (s12xe22)

While Dean has gone from a healthy respect for anthropomorphic semi-deities...

GIF by octomoosey (s5xe21)

...to an ...uhhhh... whatever you call this...

GIF by sasquatchandleatherjacket (s13xe19)

(Note for folks who haven’t kept up with the show, as I haven’t -- that’s Billie, a Reaper who has taken over as ‘capital-D Death’ after Dean, uh, killed the first one...)

Both Castiel and Dean have grown! Good for them! Except... for the part where their own core natures are going to doom them anyway!

At...some point in season 14 or 15... Castiel makes a deal with the Empty to save his adopted-ish son, Jack. The terms of the deal? The Empty gets to claim Castiel if he is ever truly happy (because Castiel died, and dead angels go to the nothingness, the Empty can’t break rules).

Meanwhile, Dean and co. are embroiled in their usual, saving the world from some form of desolation. While doing so, he and Castiel (and Sam, one assumes) run into Chuck, who is ‘capital-G God.’ And God has this to say to Castiel:

GIF by inacatastrophicmind (s15xe17)

This is devastating in several ways. For one, God is a real dick. But also, the context is that God ran a great many universes...and they are now all living through the only one where predictable reality has gone off the rails. Even God can’t save you now-- his powers have been broken.

The endgame, then-- in s15xe18, Dean had Billie, Death herself, after him. Now Dean, being Dean, has decided that correct order of operations is that:

(a) he’s been so damn stupid, of course he’s an idiot and everyone is going to die and it’s all his fault (and on-and-on in true Dean-Winchester-self-flagellating style)

(b) and naturally he should die, because it’s what he deserves.

But Castiel has learned to make his own decisions, remember? And he learned long, long ago that he and Dean don’t talk about this kind of thing-- unless they’re going to fight about it:

GIF by spnsmile (s09xe10)

Maybe they’ve both been stupid, if for the right reasons, but Castiel is staring down a choice between everyone dying...or he calls in something in the same Absolute weight-class as Death, and only a few beings die. And in order to do that, he has to be...happy.

Which means he has to share how he feels... He hasn’t talked about it before because what do humans do when faced with something they want? They lie.

But now he has to say something. And without arguing with Dean or triggering his own guilt complex by weighing Dean down with something selfish that (Castiel thinks) Dean doesn’t want.

Which is how we get from here (s05xe22) ...

...to here (s15xe18).

GIF by deanwifechester

Is it fucking terrible and rage-inducing that Castiel got taken by the Empty almost immediately after saying his one true thing, in a meta way where we’re all so, so tired of LGBTQIA+ representation that is winked at or lampshaded or immediately turned into the ‘motivating sacrifice’? Fuck yes, it’s terrible.

Did the show earn that move, even if Castiel is for-real-really-gone-gone-dead? Was there the characterization of these two and the necessary world-building? Did they put in the work, build the rules? Also, frustratingly, yes.

Because what’s the alternative? Twelve years and no growth, no change? (You can say “Growth and change and they live,” but that’s for fix-it fic...)

Even if Dean thinks he wants his life to remain fixed, that’s always been one of his failings - and a fantasy.

GIF by castiels-tight-grip (s05xe04)

...And ladies, gents, and others - I give you my first, and probably my last serious, earnest Supernatural meta. Yikes.

#supernatural #meta #s15x18 #spoilers #gifs #many many gifs #also this is probably all really obvious #but I feel better typing it out for me #because I'm frustrated and ok with it at the same time?#ANYWAY

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johannesviii · 5 years ago

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Top 12 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2014

The “least good” of the three best years of the 2010s. This is still a top 12. Because I can, and I will.

I know. People also call it a bad year. And I think they’re wrong.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

New job, which is the one I still have currently. Also, I discovered Doctor Who in December 2013 and you know exactly what happened in 2014 because I dived head first into the extended universe as soon as I finished New Who and I’ve never really recovered since then. The end of the year was highly stressful, with my cat being sick, my father needing a very dangerous surgical intervention, and me being so stressed out I was basically unable to sleep for days. Might explain why there’s a lot of cute songs on this list, I needed cute stuff.

That year wasn’t very generous in good albums from bands I liked. Epica released The Quantum Enigma, and it was okay, Within Temptation had Hydra, and it was also okay, and Coldplay had the very underrated (in my opinion at least) Ghost Stories, a mostly melancholic album full of bittersweet post-breakup songs. So I’m left with no choice but to declare The Birthday Massacre’s album Superstition my album of the year for 2014. They had stayed at a consistent level since Pins And Needles so I wasn’t expecting anything better from them, but boy do they delivered. Here is Divide, it’s about a subterranean world and it might be a metaphor but as you know I’m very literal-minded! Here’s Beyond, about a lady falling in love with a strange woman who might be some sort of fae or supernatural entity!! I love most of the album and there’s only one subpar song on it. I know they’ll never get a crossover hit but they’d deserve it so much. Look at the state of the world. We’re so ready for a new mainstream wave of energetic, angsty, weird music. Just bring it on.

There’s only one non-elligible song that truely pisses me off this time, and it’s Traffic Girl by Indochine, another single from their Black City Parade album. It’s about a policewoman in North Korea who has to wave and smile at non existant traffic all day long and the song presents her as a modern hero. It’s one of my favorite songs on the album and I’m so mad it didn’t make the French year-end list.

Here’s a list of honorable menti-holy shit why is this list so long

Albatraoz (AronChupa) - Riiiiiight at the limit between catchy and annoying. But it’s blissfully short.

Chandelier (Sia) - I would like this more if it wasn’t that painful to listen to, I swear.

Magic in the Air (Magic System) - Insert my usual comment about these guys and their fun & happy songs.

Un Jour Au Mauvais Endroit (Calogero) - Great music, good lyrics. It’s still Calogero and I tend to dislike how overdramatic he usually is. Not enough to ruin that one song for me though.

Je Garde le Sourire (Black M) - This isn’t the last time he’s gonna appear in this post.

Prayer In C (Lilly Wood & The Prick) - A bit repetitive but in a good way.

Budapest (Georges Ezra) - A bit repetitive but in a good way 2, the return but in a completely different genre.

The Monster (Eminem & Rihanna) - We’ve now entered the songs which I considered putting on the list, and yeah, there’s a lot of them even if this is a top 12. “Bad year for pop music”. Yeah. Right.

Addicted To You (Avicii) - This is good, and the music video is great, and I want to stop feeling emotional about Avicii. Please.

Don’t Tell Em (Jeremih) - I. Uh. What the f█ck. Okay. There’s no way I can justify this. I simply adore this beat even if the lyrics are really, really bad. It’s just visually stunning and I really wish the song itself was better.

Photomaton (Jabberwocky) - I don’t think this would have charted without the success of Kavinsky the previous year. But still. Wonderful stuff. Well deserved.

Madame Pavoshko (Black M) - This was on the first version of the list but in the end I really had no room left for it. It’s a song about a guy telling his old teacher he made it in life despite the fact she labelled him a hopeless case at school. With such a premise, it could be an angry song, but no, it’s upbeat, sarcastic and fun. Wonderful stuff.

Le Graal (Kyo) - Kyo? Wait, you mean the embarrassing emo guys from my 2002 and 2003 lists? These guys?? They were back on the charts after ten years?? And suddenly everyone thought it was cool to like them again?? Including me??? Sounds fake but okay

Turn Down For What (DJ Snake) - The last cut. Stim music at its finest, sharp, aggressive and colorful. Everything I ever wanted from a hit song.

Well, that was long. Here’s the actual list.

12 - Wake Me Up (Avicii)

US: #22 / FR: Not on the list

“So wake me up when it’s all over, when I’m wiser and I’m older” should make no sense. You can’t get wiser if you’re asleep. At least that’s what I would probably say if I didn’t feel this. There’s a lot of times in my life I wished I could be switched off and woken up a couple of years later and be like “hello I’m back, I feel better now, what did I miss”. I totally get it.

The only reason this song is so low on the list is the drop. I don’t like it very much. The rest is damn good.

11 - Boom Clap (Charlie XCX)

US: #34 / FR: #84

Boom! Boom! Boom! CLAP. That song got me after its first seconds. Love its atmosphere, very cotton candy-like, very fluffy, with a sharp voice. Doesn’t work well if you listen to it on a loop, though, and that’s the only negative thing I can say against it.

10 - Stay The Night (Zedd)

US: #94 / FR: Not on the list

This on the other hand works very well on repeat and that drop is golden. I’m afraid I don’t have anything very interesting to say about it. It stayed on my playlist from 2014 to summer 2019, though, so that’s an impressive feat.

9 - Rather Be (Clean Bandit)

US: #41 / FR: #18

Several critics I follow have commented this song is 1) mostly meaningless 2) too perfect to say anything about it and I agree. It’s also too perfect to be really passionate about it, unfortunately, but still, very, very good stuff.

8 - Magic (Coldplay)

US: Not on the list / FR: #66

You already know I don’t really like lowkey emotional songs and I also hate the first act of Coldplay’s career, so why on earth did I like Ghost Stories so much and why is Magic making me feel so emotional, you ask? Well it’s because the music itself isn’t bland. It’s lowkey but rich, dense and colourful, and it works much better than whatever they were doing before with their slow boring songs. Also, I really struggle with dramatic vocal performances on quiet emotional songs (which is why I tend to have issues with Adele’s voice on some of her stuff), and here the balance is just ideal. Soft colors, soft textures, soft voice, this is like a colorful plushie you’ve lost for years and just found in the attic and it brings you to tears. I adore it.

Also the part of the lyrics that goes “And if you were to ask me / After all that we've been through / Still believe in magic? / Oh yes I do”, that makes me want to hug someone and never let go.

7 - Waves (Mr Probz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #15

This is completely hypnotic. It’s perfect to drive, to walk, to draw. to sit on a bench and look at the trees. It’s just wave after wave of pastel colors with a good beat and it washes away your anxiety slowly but surely. Therapeutic and beautiful without ever feeling bland. Wonderful stuff.

6 - Uptown Funk (Bruno Mars & Mark Ronson)

US: Not on the list (#1 on the 2015 year-end list) / FR: #3

Everyone loved it and I wasn’t an exception. You all know it and I’ve got nothing new or interesting to say about it. A ton of fun. Love the lyrics.

5 - Sur Ma Route (Black M)

US: Not on the list / FR: #7

If you’re wondering what’s going on in this picture, the guy is parodying a lot of famous movies or series in the music video. It’s a simple but super energetic song about trying to trace your own road in life and all the problems you encounter and how you can’t always count on people you thought were your friends. It’s very propulsive and motivating and it’s my favorite song from that guy even though he made a lot of good songs. Just great stuff. Check it out if you’ve never heard it.

Speaking of being on your own...

4 - Ain’t It Fun (Paramore)

US: #47 / FR: Not on the list

I miss hearing that kind of thing on the radio and yes, I’m aware that makes me sound like an old idiot. Oh how I wish this had been released in 2010 when I just started to work, that would have been perfect. I know the song is supposed to be sarcastic with the whole “ain’t it fun being on your own” angle, but yeah, when your life wasn’t great before, it’s actually liberating to “live in the real world”, even if it sucks at times, even if it’s difficult and you have responsibilities and all.

Also the music video is super cute. Love it.

3 - Pompeii (Bastille)

US: #12 / FR: Not on the list

I’m honestly surprised this is only #3 on this list considering how much I loved this one back when it came out, and don’t get me wrong, it’s still a song I love to this day, just... a bit less. Maybe it’s because of overplay? I’m not exactly sure considering #1 was also played very often and I never ever got tired of it. And it’s well written, and it’s not every day that you hear a song about two dead people talking about the wrath of the gods after their city was engulfed in ash.

So yeah. Not sure what happened there. I hope this band is eventually gonna have another hit like this one. Bastille, more of Pompeii and less of Happier, please.

2 - Dangerous (David Guetta)

US: Not on the list / FR: #8

A few months ago I heard Memories by Maroon 5 and I was instantly filled with a truely disproportionate amount of rage for such a bland pop song. See, I love it when music uses well-known classical tunes and completely changes their context and tone, but Memories doesn’t do any of that, it’s just the Pachelbel canon with some bad lyrics on top. So yeah, it’s a pet peeve.

Dangerous, on the other hand, is a song mixing a small loop of Toccata & Fugue in D minor and it basically uses it as an ominous pseudo-police siren in a song about illegally cruising a car with your possibly criminal, possibly gangster crush and not knowing if you’re scared, in love or feeling the thrill of adventure, or all of that at once. I. Love this damn song.

When the only bad thing I have to say about a song talking about driving at night way too fast is “eh this isn’t as good as Kavinsky”, you know you’ve found gold.

1 - A Sky Full of Stars (Coldplay & Avicii)

US: #51 / FR: #9

As much as I love Dangerous, there wasn’t any doubt about what would top this list. I’ve spent about ten lists explaining how my appreciation of Coldplay kept growing over time and four lists explaining how much I loved Avicii, and this song is the best of both worlds. The first time I heard it, I was driving and, no joke, I was so overwhelmed I had to park my car to properly concentrate on the song.

One day I will have to paint this song to explain how fantastic it looks and I’d have to use purple, china blue and pink watercolor inks and basically paint a psychedelic night sky full of little lights and yeah, this is basically another of these songs that are deeply satisfying on a synesthetic level, and it joins this very select club with the blue song called “Blue”, the song full of bright flashes called “Lights” and the song that looks like gentle pulsing lights called “Fireflies”. I’m trying (and failing) to learn how to play it on the piano. I know the chords, and I suck, but I’m very determined.

On top of that deeply satisfying visual, there’s the soft vocals so specific of the Ghost Stories album, and the very simple, very cute lyrics, and I simply hear “'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars, I'm gonna give you my heart” and I die instantly. This is high quality musical fluff. Come to think of it, this list is full of it, and this is the Ultimate Fluffy Song. One fluff to rule them all.

Sidenote, considering I fell into the DW audios right when this song came out, that’s one of my theme songs for Eight and Charley. Because of course it is.

Next up: The beginning of a progressive drop in quality but you wouldn’t be able to tell considering how long this list of honorable mentions is

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years ago

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some random numbers: 1, 3, 6, 15, 23, 31, 35, 40. give me ur ungodly long answers.

lmaooo YES brevity whom......i cannot be concise

1) favorite videos?

i sure spent 2010 - 2014 enjoying youtube horror interpersonal-drama series marble hornets, those are a good time. and here in the future you and i both know there is just a wellspring of wrol-related Video Content out there, god damn, i really love so many of them.....in between that there’s sure been a lot of fun and funney videos and like, some Artistique ones i like to revisit [or have disappeared :( ] but i always like to promote this Wuthering Heights one. i love it. oh lol!!!! and the uh, Skate 3 Glitch compilations!!! so so funny

3) favorite memes?

i think Deep Fried Memes are fun all the time lol. the Youtube Meme of “___ but ____” is a lot of fun OH YEAH steamed hams was awesome too. the 24601 Releases A Sammich On Parole ytp is priceless......this is just turning into favorite videos again lmao. vine as a meme and a whole

6)favorite mixes?

you know i never really made or used playlists lol!!!! i will just be like, in the mood for certain songs or else like “i want to listen to music but....which ones”.....i say i can never be concise and all of these answers turning out short lol. it’s not b/c i’m Concise but b/c like, i don’t know what Favorites i have and i don’t have a memory that works without Direct Reminders of Specific Things so i’m just failing to like, come up with the info in the first place smh

15) favorite fictional characters?

here we go lol i can answer this one cuz when i have a fave rave it’s rare and like, easier to remember cuz i do not Go Hard about it that often.....weirdly for the first few years of The Decade i did’t really have such certain faves.....i was def enjoying some characters, as i always do, but nothing like super standout. then in ‘11 or ‘12 or whatever i was like oh hey, ed from cowboybeboy.......and then just had like, the solo experience of me humoring myself w/ that. bit of an usual one b/c a lot of the characters i Really latch on to will tend to be kinda roughly similar in ways that maybe seem pretty at-first-glance levels of obvious, buuut idk she’s not That far off from my usual selections i guess lol. anyways then in 2014 i was like, time to go ham for lars. what a valuable time it was....what Fun we had.....truly tho! and then another interval later it’s 2016 and for similarly (relatable characters of roughly the same cut) i was like, well here i am having a great time re: kip, all while getting to generously use of my fave shade of blue and fangs central and all that fun stuff. and then another interval later the Eventual Unfolding of what started innn 2017 i guess occurs, and it’s late 2018, and i’m like, time to look into Jared Kleinman b/c just from reading the wikipedia summary that didn’t mention him all that much i could tell this was probably a character i’d go ham for for predictable reasons, and the vague interest in that has stuck with me for the past little-over-a-year......and then i was Completely right lol. deh? well that’s just Bonus Jared Lore, to me (though of course alana in her own right is a great and similarly underappreciated character. rights)....and then of course i’ve had a lot of fun with pretty much each and every Wrol Role lmao.......Very fond of jeremy, and also christine, and bmc just has really enjoyable and interesting characters all over the place. and of course, here i am, Extremely #about winston quantbillions as another certified fave rave, really. call it classic!!!

[[answered both 23 and 31 prior, actually.....words were typed....]]

35)a random memory you remember with strange clarity?

tough one because lol a fair amount of “you recorded this memory in a fair amount of detail” is due to increased levels of unpleasantness / stress / discomfort, and if it’s also “i remember this b/c it was Nice” then i wouldn’t call that Strange clarity lol, and Random Memory like “just pull one up from the ol memory bank” is like, god, i wish it were that simple........but give me a min.

oh yeah i had a High Time of it when pokemon go came out (only pokemonn game i have ever played lol) coz there was like, this stretch of Landmarks stops that started at this garden and went along this waterfront / connected park forrr maybe like a half mile stretch? ideal territory and people would actually like, come from out of town to partake in it lol. and i’d Download podcast eps on my phone from my work’s wifi and just like, in the evening listen to that or music and just like, walk and do this shit. i had like five or six gyaradoses at one point cuz i guess the riverside nature of it meant they wanted to throw all these magikarp at you (there Were carp, also! one of the parks had a koi pond.) and like, there were just all these people around doing it along with you, even that late at night and in the early AM hours, so it was fairly social even if u weren’t there with a group or talking with anyone (though there was Camaraderie like, oh hey just so you guys know, there is a ____ over by the boat.) and it was just an interesting Walk with several things to look at and routes to take. and one time in a weird Dead Of Night time like 1am there was this like, smallish cruise ship docked that actually Set Off. and like, a bunch of us randos were just standing there and watching this unfold. this isn’t a very good Clear Random Memory but if i tried to think of a good one, god only knows how long it’d take me lol

40)an important personal revelation?

oh jeez this has really been a decade with lots of the unfortunate combo of “stuff that is a bummer but also boring” lol.......a benefit of getting to spend more time than not Away From The Parents’ House was like, oh sweet, having this perspective for long enough finally leads me to the conclusion of why i hate this......B/c It Is Bad. oh yeah and then there was also conclusively figuring out early in the decade like oh right, i’m trans, that makes sense.......other layers of Gayassedness like oh, more specifically i’m nonbinary, oh yeah and like, i’m not straight, call that queer and/or bi and/or also Gay......bein grey ace like a champ, and aromantic like, oh yeah i’m not like, fucking up at being a person somehow and Letting People Down by not wanting to date them (i mean besides rando cishet men. they can be let down regardless).....and just like, this ongoing process of getting the space to b figuring out myself and what i like For myself in alll kinds of ways....even up till now with the “oh yeah ive been a theatre gay all my life lmaooo” bit that’s like, totally obvious but just like, i didn’t much have the reason to even look at the would-be obvious stuff from the right perspex till now. and it’s pretty fun to realize a Lifelong Area Of Big Interest like that, cuz those sorts of things can feel elusive. and then also unfortunately a lot of the decade has involved like, “oh my self-esteem is so fucked that it’s circling back around and i’m appreciating and valuing myself and that i deserve decent treatment and Not bad shit,” which was a crappy process obviously lol but it was nice when i did start to get there, and making further progress on that front. im not dead certain when i was like “hmm...am autistic” b/c that was definitely a really ongoing process of figuring that out lol, but when / as i did it’s definitely a series of “oh hahaha this is why i’m like This or why i do This or feel like This about This!!” and it’s really easy to learn a totally Brand New Thing all the time abt bein autistic where it’s like Oh #Me!! coz yknow. the info By and For autistic ppl is not always widely available and known of. love that for us

#thank u!!! and thanks for the End Of Decade Ask Meme in the first place lol #cockbiteproductions

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howwelldoyouknowyourmoon · 6 years ago

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I accidentally joined one cult after leaving the Unification Church cult

I decided I needed to get out of this church immediately, before I became some stranger’s child bride.

by HANNAH November 21, 2014

When we opened our eyes, I could still feel the fleeting warmth from his hands placed on my head. We sat in a circle as he led us into a quiet chant known as the “moola mantra.”

“Moola? Like money?” I wondered. The incense smoke snaked throughout the room. I noticed a donation bowl being passed around. Yes. Like money.

“Sat chi ananda. Parabrahma. Purushathama. Paramatma. Sri Bhaghavathi Sametha. Sri Bhagavathe Namaha.”

I readily joined the others in chanting, not really knowing what they were saying. When I couldn’t remember the next phrase, I just Milli-Vanilli’d my way through it, letting the other voices fill in the gaps for me. I’ve had a lifetime of chanting in a language I didn’t understand to prepare myself for this.

In 1982, my parents, among many others, had an arranged mass marriage at Madison Square Garden (photo above), performed by the infamous Sun Myung Moon. With a simple hand gesture, Sun Myung Moon matched my parents together among a sea of brides and grooms, and five years later, I was born, the second of four children. It’s always troubling to think about how my very existence was decided by some Washington-Times-owning, money-laundering, homophobic, sushi tycoon/sexist cult leader, but I guess it makes things interesting.

Our childhood was…weird, in a word. Even as a kid I found myself thinking, “Why are we selling flowers at the side of highways?” “Why are we going door-to-door making strangers drink juice?” “Why are we sprinkling salt over our groceries?” “Why are we waking up at 5 a.m. to bow to a picture of a Korean man and a bowl of fruit?” “Why are we chanting right now, I mean, really? What language is this? I’m tired.”

Friends would come over and ask who the Korean people were in the photos around our house, referring to the Mr. and Mrs. Sun Myung Moon.

“I…uh…they’re my grandparents.” I often found myself saying.

“But…you’re…not Asian,” they’d reply, stating the obvious.

I’ll never forget my birthday during the blizzard of ’96. My parents took us to one of Moon’s mansions in D.C. to meet some witch doctor of a woman. She claimed to embody the spirit of Sun Myung Moon’s dead mother. We stood in line behind a closed door in the foyer.

Before the door slammed shut, I caught a glimpse of a large group of people gathered around a woman and a boy. The woman had her eyes closed with the boy sprawled over her lap. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and seemed to be crying. Red marks were all over him. He tried to escape her grip, arms extended to what I assumed to be his mother, who sat silently in the circle. Then, the door shut. I’m haunted.

Finally, my turn came. I nervously sat myself next to the woman. She lifted my shirt, prepubescent chest exposed, as the captive audience watched as I was hit several times on my back. She prayed in Korean over me. And then, applause. It was over. Somewhere, there is a photo of my brother and I standing in front of the mansion after the woman hit us that day. We were smiling.

Beyond the ritual abuse, there was a certain strain of poverty that only a child of a cult could understand. You get used to communal living and sleeping on floors very quickly.

Before we eventually settled in the D.C. metropolitan area, we had traveled around the country, staying in attics, basements, and church-owned hotels and mansions. There’s a very real cognitive dissonance that occurs when you’re living in a mansion, sleeping in a tiny bedroom with all six members of your family. In that mansion, I befriended a young, Japanese opera singer who lived on the top floor. She’d French braid my hair and show me pictures of her fiancé, a man she had yet to meet.

I thought this was so strange, but I would later learn that being “matched,” or engaged to a stranger in another country was common. At 17, it happened to one of my best friends. I’ll never forget the look of misery on her face as she stood in her wedding dress, among the sea of brides and grooms, holding the picture of her future husband.

It was then that I decided I needed to get out of this church, immediately, before I became some stranger’s child bride.

Within days of that decision, I got a phone call from an old friend.

“Do you want to get your third-eye opened?” She asked.

“Do I…what?”

“You heard me. Get your third-eye…opened.”

When we arrived at the house, a blue-eyed man answered the door.

“David!” Joanna squealed. “It’s so good to see you!” He wrapped his arms around her, practically swallowing her tiny frame. “Hannah, this is David. We met at a commune conference. We couldn’t stop staring at each other from across the room. It was kismet.”

David laughed and put out his hand to shake mine. “Nice to meet you, Hannah.” He led us inside, where a bald-headed man was sitting cross-legged on the floor, eyes closed deep in meditation.

He opened his eyes and spoke with a soft cadence. He introduced himself as Daniel. He told us that he had recently returned from a trip to India, where he received a special blessing known as “deeksha,” from a group called “The Oneness Movement.” By taking part in this expensive ceremony in India, he became empowered to pass this gift of enlightenment to us.

He instructed us to close our eyes as he guided us into meditation. He came around the room and gently placed his hands on our heads. I was struck by the similarities of this ritual with another my parents performed for my birthday. There is something spiritual about having someone caress the crown of your head while they speak in soft tones over you. I felt enlightened, or at least relaxed. Like Fox Mulder [The X-Files], I wanted to believe. But there was a Dana Scully in the back of my head that wouldn’t completely let me.

I began attending meetings regularly. Daniel and I developed a close friendship where we spoke on the phone daily. At one point, I was $300 short for my rent, and without blinking, he loaned me the money. Three months later, I found myself riding in a car with him to attend a Oneness Movement get-together in Pittsburg.

We pulled up to a row house in Pittsburg, where we were greeted warmly by a jolly man. He placed prayer beads over our heads, luau-style. “Namaste,” he bowed, and we did the same. He led us upstairs to his railroad apartment and gave us a tour.

“And this…is my Christmas room.” It was August.

There were two entirely decorated trees with trains circling around them. Presents galore. Reindeer, flashing lights, snowmen. It was Christmas hell. I took a seat, completely entranced and horrified by the mechanical Santa’s never-ending “ho-ho-ho” mantra. I kept thinking, “Where am I?”

Daniel called me into the next room where others had already gathered and were chanting in harmony.

“Sat chi ananda. Parabrahma. Purushathama. Paramatma. Sri Bhaghavathi Sametha. Sri Bhagavathe Namaha.”

I sat on my knees, and just as I was about to lower my head in a child’s pose bow, I noticed a familiar face from across the room. She looked a lot like Diane, a Moonie truck driver who would stop and make us oxtail soup when she passed through town. She loved talking about God with my parents. No. It couldn’t be. It was. Our eyes met. In a panic, I lowered my forehead to the ground to hide my face.

Finally, the chants subsided, and a faint voice spoke up. “Hi, I’m Anthony and I prepared a song for you all.” I slowly raised my body, trying to hide my face behind my hair. A mousy-looking teenager stood before us, boom box ready. The familiar sound of chimes and wind instruments filled the room. I knew this song.

“Olha eu vii lue mostar…” He sang. “Como é belo este mundo…”

He was singing “A Whole New World,” the Disney classic, in Portuguese. I noticed Diane was full-on staring at me. I panicked just as Anthony’s falsetto kicked in for Princess Jasmine’s part of the duet.

“Um mundo ideal…Um mundo que eu nunca vi…”

I looked around the room, scanning for any sign of acknowledgement from another human. Nothing. I noticed everyone in the room was in fact, crying. Was I that cynical? Should I feel something right now? Watching Anthony shimmy his way through the intense key change was definitely a spiritual experience, but I still didn’t want to give these people my money. I felt duped. This “whole new world” suddenly felt a lot like the old one.

I retreated to the Christmas room in an attempt to hide from Diane. On a table, I noticed a photograph of Sri Bhaghavan and his wife, the founders of the Oneness movement. They were sitting in chairs, like royalty. The photograph was nearly identical to ones my parents kept of my pseudo Korean “grandparents.” Horrified by the parallels, my inner Dana Scully finally broke through.

I spent the rest of my time at the retreat doing just that — retreating. I slithered along the walls, and managed to avoid a conversation with Diane other than, “funny meeting you here” and “please don’t tell my parents.”

When I left my respective cults, I was excited to be integrated into the real world, a place without cults, or so I thought. Not so. These days, I see cults everywhere: cults of influence, cults of institutions, cults of politics. You learn a lingo, you follow a set of rules, a code of ethics. Sometimes you wear a uniform and a name tag. Sometimes you are sleep-deprived and haven’t seen your family in weeks. In a world where CEO’s are more likely be to sociopaths, it’s harder to define what is a cult and what isn’t.

What’s important is listening to your inner Dana Scully, no matter how badly you want to believe. The truth is out there, sure, but it’s also inside you.

_______________________________________

Hannah

After selling flowers as a child with the Moonies, Hannah is now a part-time florist. Her life has hilariously come full circle. She is also a songwriter and musician. She is a student majoring in human services and hopes for a career in social justice advocacy.

_______________________________________

A few of the comments on Hannah’s story:

mrsdanger So interesting, would love to hear about your life now and your parents’ reaction to leaving.

Keith All religions are cults, some are more destructive than others. Thank you for sharing your story. Write another story for us later to let everyone know how you are doing on your new journey.

sara_ahoy I understood what she was trying to say here. A lot of successful people become that way because they refuse to follow the rules of society, some are more aggressive, and willing to throw other people under the bus in their bid for a promotion. Cult leaders tend to act similarly, acting charming but ultimately bullying their way into leadership positions and ruling through fear and ignorance.

We like to think that the societal rules that we all follow are there to benefit us, but I’ve found time and time again that I’m paying arbitrary fees of all kinds that go straight to a rich businessperson somewhere…

Lalaloki … they sure discourage people from ever taking a day off, even when sick. And then, when people do call out sick, there’s a sort of underlying guilt involved. People are being paid to be there, sure, but in a cult, people are being “paid” salvation.

tracy This is perfect! “What’s important is listening to your inner Dana Scully, no matter how badly you want to believe. The truth is out there, sure, but it’s also inside you.”

Huh Wow, you should write a memoir! I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian church that was very cultish. We left in middle school and it was hard adjusting to the real world but my “inner Dana Scully” has been strong and made me skeptical of all things spiritual ever since. My advice: If a group (religious or otherwise) makes you isolated or relies heavily on secrets get the hell out!

FoxMulder She needs to know the truth is out there

breebree Moonies aren’t rich at all! The majority (my parents included) dropped out of school and donated ALL of their money to the church. And keep doing it. Ugh, so stupid.

berly I want to know why the cult did a ritual of hitting children? [ansu, a Korean shaman ritual to get rid of evil spirits]

_______________________________________

The FFWPU / Unification Church and Shamanism

Soon-ae Hong (the mother of Hak Ja Han) spent two years in Chuncheon Prison after Ansu beating an 18-year old boy to death.

Fear and Loathing at Cheongpyeong Lake

#shamanism #Hannah #2nd gen #moonies

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moistwithgender · 6 years ago

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Monthly Media Roundup (April 2019)

April was a bit of a disaster month for me, and as such I didn’t get much of anything finished. Old wounds got reopened, I was sick all month, I had an unavoidably bad birthday, and a lifelong pet died. I didn’t engage with a lot of things, and mostly slept. I did play a lot of Breath of the Wild, but seeing as I didn’t finish that, I’m not including it yet. Here’s the things I did finish:

Games:

Blaster Master Zero (Switch): I actually first bought and finished this two years ago, and since the sequel has come out I decided to replay it with the Shovel Knight DLC character. While I genuinely like this game (I 100%’d it both times), I was not really in a good spot to enjoy this playthrough, and just kinda mindlessly pushed through it for nine consecutive hours, beating it in that single sitting. Playing as a DLC character removes the story, which is fine since they’re intended for replays, though I wonder if it added to my emotional disconnect. SK doesn’t receive fall damage, and so the precariousness of navigating the world outside of the highly-mobile tank doesn’t exist nearly as much, though the trade-off is that SK’s combat abilities in dungeons are hindered by an overall lack of range. The game is still rather easy, though, so I can’t say any particular level cadences or combat scenarios carved their way into my memory.

To the game’s credit, though, the things that are good about it are still good. If you have an attachment to the original NES game, or an interest in retro properties, or just want a nice, breezy platformer, it’s very good. It’s interesting in how it repurposes the altered plot of the US version of the original game (where it was its most popular), including even the plot of the little novelization that came out because Gotta Get Those Video Game Kids to Read Something. It has a fake out ending, and if you 100% the maps it unlocks a final map that is genuinely surreal enough to be the highlight of the game. Despite my sighing, it is a genuinely good time, and I’m very curious to play the new game, somewhat hilariously titled Blaster Master Zero 2.

Anime:

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I chewed through the last four episodes of this so that I could say I finally finished the season. I didn’t watch the post-season recap episode. TenSura (the abbreviation of the Japanese title, which I will use to refer to it because satisfyingly abbreviating the english title is impossible) is not a very good show, but for about half the length of the 24-episode first season, it fascinates due to how it functions at all. TenSura is an isekai show, much like the other isekai shows, where a person dissatisfied with their life is brutally murdered (usually by a truck. USUALLY by a truck) and is reborn in a fantasy world that coincidentally gives them an absurd advantage over other people, allowing them to live out all the decadence they felt they deserved in the real world. If this sounds like the most boring kind of wish fulfillment possible to you, that’s because it is. It’s also extremely popular with consumers. Which is interesting! I think the isekai boom is indicative of how late-stage capitalism everyday people the world over, that we envision or escape to worlds where your efforts actually return appropriate reward. A bonkers concept, to be sure.

In TenSura, the formula doesn’t stray much. The main character is a man in his 30s (?) who has never fucked and gets knifed to death while HEROICALLY saving a coworker from a plot-irrelevant stabber dude who was running down the sidewalk with his knife out for no reason besides Main Character Needs an Inciting Incident Now. It’s actually pretty weirdly violent for the start to a show that is almost entirely light-hearted. Dude dies, his coworker dumps his hard drive in the bath out of respect (lol), and he wakes up in a fantasy world that works on videogame logic, including loot, skill trees, and class upgrades. He is reborn as an adorable slime a la Dragon Quest, but the personality traits he had in his previous life (and I guess his choice of dying words) scan to obscenely convenient passive abilities that ensure he’s not only invincible, but will never stop experiencing exponential power growth. Also he immediately makes friends with a final boss-level dragon and then eats him. That’s how he makes friends in this sometimes.

I’m being very cynical here, but the core narrative loop (and it IS a loop) of the series kept my interest for longer than I expected. Rimuru (the name of the reborn protagonist) goes somewhere he hasn’t been, astonishes the nearby (sometimes violent) inhabitants with his overpowered abilities, makes friends with them, and then improves their lives with community. Goblins, direwolves, orcs, demon lords. It stacks and builds upon itself to absurd degrees but it’s interesting that in a genre loaded with very problematic stories of disenchanted dudes finally getting the underage harem they’ve always wanted (aaaaAAAAAAAAA) that the main concept of this series is improving the lives of others and giving them closure for the ways life has hurt them. Even if. Sometimes that hurt was the main character’s doing? Like Rimuru absolutely decapitates a direwolf leader and then adopts the pack who from then on absolutely LOVE the dude. Also one of Rimuru’s abilities is that if he gives a monster a name, it class upgrades, which is generally and reasonably seen as a life improvement. Though, these class upgrades are almost always decidedly “less-tribal” or outright human, which smacks of some imperialist thinking. It’s also something I’m sure I never questioned in old videogames growing up. Meanwhile, there’s also a bit with a woman who came from Japan during that one really bad war, you know the one, and the closure she’s given as she’s dying is handled with actual delicacy. It’s a weird series! It’s only a shame to me that after most of the first season, there was less to talk about. Sometime after the halfway mark, you realize the show is never going to maintain tension for more than half an episode, that all problems are solvable (yes, even terminally ill children), and that the show isn’t going anywhere you can’t predict. It’s a checklist show, and the plot points are a list of achievements being checked off one episode at a time.

I don’t think I would actually recommend the show to most people, despite how popular it is. It’s not a great show, but it does weird enough things for a while that it generates conversations. Which is honestly pretty okay. It’s a pretty okay show. Also, Rimuru is effectively nonbinary (with he pronouns), and that’s… somethin’! (24 episodes, finished 4/17/19, Crunchyroll (Funimation also now has the dub I think? Clips I saw were pretty weird, Rimuru seemed to be characterized differently.))

Manga:

Nejimaki Kagyu Vol 1: You would think a manga that immediately starts with a reference to Phantom Blood would be, well, at least interesting.

Okay maybe invoking a beloved work doesn’t actually mean anything. I just wanted to share this blatant callback. Nejimaki Kagyu is a seinen manga about a highschool teacher whose tragically cursed to, uh, have all teenage girls fall in love with him. And the highschool-age childhood friend of his who has spent her whole life obsessed with him and learning super martial arts to defend his chastity. Her supers make her clothes explode.

…

I take no joy in this travesty.

Anyway, uh. The biggest tragedy here is that the art is actually really good, though the paneling is regularly squished around to hilarious degree. Let’s look at some pages and then forget this manga exists forever.

That horror face is how I feel the entire series should be portraying itself. The manga has a distinct lack of self-awareness.

The fan translation for this series appears to have dropped off halfway through and hasn’t been picked up for years, and based on reviews I saw on MAL talking about the directionlessness of the later volumes, I wonder if the translator got fed up with the series. Oh well!

Kyou no Asuka Show Vol 1: Oh god damn it I just got done with talking about a series about ogling the youth.

BLEASE STOP

Okay so. Kyou no Asuka Show, or “Today’s Asuka Show” is an older slice of life manga by the same author I mentioned previously who is doing an edutainment series about people working in a condom factory. Innocently-minded women in comedically lewdish situations appears to be his whole bag. I think Asuka is pretty charming, but I also know she’s designed to appeal to my monkey male gaze. Obliviously sexy is very much a mood, and in a more adult context I would be all for it. There have been a few chapters where I find myself at odds with the wisdom the author is attempting to impart, sometimes through Asuka’s father, who works as an adult photographer, and doesn’t want his daughter involved in anything that could cause her to be ogled. Like, that’s already something that requires a lot of unpacking in the modern day. Aforementioned wisdom sometimes takes the form of Asuka doing something stupid and innocent and ripe for objectifying, like wearing a school swimsuit in a rainstorm. Or she’ll work a job as a cute girl courier and inadvertently turn a shut-ins life around. Situations where, if it were in real life, I’d think “wow that’s weird and charming,” but by being a work of intentional authorship, it inherently loses some of that innocence, and becomes something well-meaning but problematic. Is that the second time I’ve used the word “problematic” in this post? Is this 2014?

I may continue reading this, but I really can’t recommend it to most people I know in 2019 without several disclaimers and also without probably getting some side eye. I think it’s worth a couple chapters to feel out what its doing before you decide whether you can siphon the charm from it, or would rather move on to something else.

Me enjoying myself when this manga tries to suddenly get up to some shit.

Blue Period Vol 1: This is the last thing on my list, because I don’t want to expand this list beyond the three mediums I’ve already assigned to it. Also, I actually finished this May 1st, but I wanted to talk about it now.

If I had the power to actually get people to engage with a specific work once per month, Blue Period would easily be the one I pick. That doesn’t mean as much when all the other things I finished this month were conflicted experiences, but I really think everyone would benefit from this series. Or at least anyone with even a passing interest in visual arts.

Blue Period (named for Picasso’s Blue Period) is about a highschool delinquent who has a knack for studying, a safe social life, and no interests in pretty much anything. He’s on the road to do fine in his life, and he doesn’t question it much, but that’s it, until he discovers art and realizes it’s the only way he’s ever been able to truly communicate his feelings. It changes everything about him, for more emotionally satisfying reasons, but also riskier ones. He only has one year of highschool to go to decide what he’s doing with his life, and Japan has a very strict education system. You’re not really allowed to just “get around” to things.

Apologies in advance if you’re tired of me spamming full pages but I really do wanna show this off. This is another series with an educational angle to it, though the emphasis is definitely more rooted in a personal narrative of growth. The explanations of art practice and the functionality of exercises and tools are both very informative and relevant to the characters, never feeling like the story is taking a backseat to explain. The characters are, hilariously, everyone I’ve ever met in an art class. There’s the kid who would rather exclusively draw the things they like, there’s the kid who likes art as a hobby but haaaates being given a project, etc etc. There are students who have an innate grasp on how to draw but haven’t internalized the Why of the exercises, and students who are receptive to the lessons but don’t have the ability to match. The narrative is extremely even-handed towards all of these different levels of skills, and places a lot more importance on why, emotionally, you should totally care about drawing apples and water pitchers for five hours at a time. It’s GREAT and I want to force it on every creative I’ve ever known.

Another thing I appreciate about this series so far is that while there has been something resembling sexual/romantic tension, it’s kind of not like that at all? In the first volume I haven’t been able to pinpoint where a potential relationship subplot would go, if at all. Two possibilities are this girl:

...who is a very likable character but surprisingly doesn’t fit into that box of “standard love interest”. The protag’s interactions with her have been exclusively respectful and admiring, which doesn’t even necessarily imply a romantic subplot, but would be pretty cool if it did? And the other girl:

...who is featured in decidedly more sexual tension-y contexts, is actually TRANS. The manga actually portrays them so uncompromisingly feminine that I didn’t realize they were crossdressing (the term used in the text) until the author’s notes at the end of the volume. I will partially blame this on me being out of it this month, since I just went back to their introduction and yep, they got misgendered and contested it. Given how the character is regularly framed (confident, attractive, skilled, nonstereotypical), I’m… pretty okay with this! If a romance blooms between a delinquent boy and a trans girl, that’s amazing.

I hope y’all understand where I’m coming from in expecting a shoehorned romantic subplot. I’m not hoping for one, I just know the product by now. And if it happens, the options are considerably more interesting than usual.

These are pretty good kids.

Manga licensing is a lot better nowadays than it ever was before, with lots of obscure series being picked up, old series getting re-localized, and translations being better than ever. I really really want this series to get licensed so someone can be compensated for it, and so more people might read it. Until then, I think you should look up the fan work.

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So that’s all for April. If these posts included live-action movies, I’d have talked about Endgame, but I also don’t want to go spoiling anything for someone who still wants to go see that (it’s probably one of my favorite MCU movies, though). I read most of 1970-71 in Marvel comics, or at least most of the issues on my reading list, but I semi-liveblog about those, so you can just search my “curry reads comics” tag for that. Here’s hoping I have more interesting, more positive things to say about May in a month. I expect to finish Breath of the Wild by then, so I’ll finally talk about that. Thanks for reading, if you made it this far! Go check out Blue Period.

#curry reads manga #curry watches anime #curry plays games

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neo---blue · 7 years ago

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HAMATORA THE NOVEL pt.I - Things More Important Than Money (ENGLISH TRANSLATION)

H therei!! d (ba-sudei) and avery (@minimums) here! finally finished translating the first part of hamatora the novel! but before anything, please, please, please read this!

although we opted not to state this on our official foreword, both avery and i felt it shouldn't remain unsaid. please remember that this is a fan translation first and foremost, as well as something we put a lot of time and effort into. it is a fan translation because we are fans of hamatora, and felt that even all these years later the material deserved to come to light. yes, it is 2018, and not 2014. we know what year this is, and we are fans anyway. hamatora had its shortcomings, flaws, inconsistencies, and issues, just like every other series in existence. however, we both felt that since our love for it remains, translating would be “better late than never.” and while we hope that others still feel the same, we understand many won’t— and don't. if like us you still love hamatora, please enjoy our efforts! if you don't, all we can ask is that you please don't dismiss, make fun of, or dampen them. translating is not easy, and certainly neither is creating a series. so, without further ado, please enjoy Hamatora the Novel part 1!

ハマトラTHE NOVEL - I. 金より大事なもの【英訳】 HAMATORA THE NOVEL PART I - Things More Important Than Money (ENGLISH TRANSLATION)

under the cut~ (there’s also a download link to a pdf!! still, please reblog and spread the word!)

[DOWNLOAD LINK - Mobile-Friendly PDF] ^ highly recommended over reading it on here! Foreword from the Scanlators (scans by minimums, translation by ba-sudei)

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"hi, i'm avery, aka minimums on tumblr or gayhacker on ao3. i did the scans! hamatora is a series that has meant a lot to me for a while now, and still very much does. i originally bought the novel for the poster that came with it; i had no idea anything like this would ever come out of that purchase, but i'm so glad it did! D has put in a lot of hard work with the translation, so please enjoy hamatora the novel part 1!"

✢

“hi~ d here , aka ba-sudei on tumblr and d_n__ on twitter! i translated this thing!! avery’s worked really hard to make sure the scans were clear for me and has been helpful overall and i can’t thank him enough! i wish i could promise an accurate translation— but, all i can promise is that i truly did my best to make this translation a good quality one. this goes without saying, but i have loved (and suffered much for) hamatora since 2014, and i’m still here. i’ll always be here. i hope this translation helps rekindle your love for hamatora! so please enjoy hamatora the novel part i!!”

✢

✢ please feel free to get in touch with us on our socials ! ✢

✢ ✢ ✢

“Now then, shall we work hard today, too?”

The boy with bandages on his face and headphones around his neck spoke loudly to a girl. His name is Nice; he’s a detective.

The girl’s name is Koneko. She is the broker of requests for Hamatora Detective Agency, which operates under Nice and his partner. She is also the owner of Cafe Nowhere, where Hamatora Detective Agency have set up their office on one of their tables.

“Any requests come in today?”

Nice asked Koneko with a lively tone and a smile on his face, forgetting the sad reality that the few coins in his pocket were literally all he had.

Koneko's ponytail swung as she smiled and slightly tilted her head.

“None.”

It wasn’t surprising, but Nice still doubted her answer; the smile he unconsciously had on his face fell and his expression became serious.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Why?!”

“Who knows...”

Despite Nice’s franticness, Koneko’s smile didn’t falter. The nerve on Koneko’s temple twitched but not because of Nice’s moodiness.

“By the way, Nice-kun. When do I get anything out of lending you a table for your office?”

“Uh, uhhhh...” Nice nervously looked around the interior of Nowhere.

Over the counter was a man polishing a cup, the cafe’s master.

Master is the one who stands in the kitchen and cooks food on the menu, while Koneko, the owner, is in charge of customer service and miscellaneous affairs.

Master continued to work in silence, purposely trying not to meet Nice’s eyes.

In front of Master on a seat across the counter was a girl drinking milk. She’s an assistant of the Hamatora Detective Agency— or so she’s supposed to be. But at the moment she was becoming a mascot instead. She is Hajime.

Hajime finished her milk then held out her cup towards Master.

“Seconds. You can charge it on Nice-kun’s tab.”

“...Nice’s tab is just about all piled up, though.”

Master took the cup and refilled it with milk before handing it back to Hajime.

Hajime moved the cup towards Nice lazily.

“Thanks for the meal. Cheers.”

“Wait, wait, don't cheers to this, Hajime-chan! I haven’t had anything to eat since last night!”

“Poor thing,” Hajime said with blandly, and began to drink the milk.

Nice slumped his shoulders, turning his gaze towards a table in the back, where a young man wearing glasses was seated and looking through the newspaper. His name is Murasaki. He is Nice's partner.

Murasaki, through his glasses, fixed Nice with a cold look.

“Nice. Can’t you tell that you’re suffering the consequences of your actions?”

“I can tell... but what did I do?”

Nice looked clueless. Good grief, Murasaki sighed. “Before this, who was it that turned down the request to investigate an affair?”

“I did.”

“And before that, who was it that turned down the request to do background checks for a delinquent high school student?”

“I did?”

“Not to mention, before that, who was it that, when a lady who was having trouble with a stalker following her around came and begged for something to be done, sent her away saying ‘you can do something about that yourself’?”

“Ah, you make it sound so harsh! It was just a lovers’ quarrel, they shouldn’t involve other people to solve their problems for them. You think so, too, right, Koneko?”

Nice waited for Koneko to nod and agree with him, but Koneko only looked away.

“I don’t know about that.”

“...Huh? Does that mean I got that wrong?”

“See, that’s what I’m talking about. You’re in your current situation because you’re always so picky with the requests you take. If that’s not suffering the consequences of your actions, then what is it?”

“Okay, but even so. This is work after all, I wouldn’t do that to people who are seriously in trouble. Everyone I turned down was just requesting stuff for their own convenience. It’s not a big deal if I don’t help them, is it?”

“I guessed that would be your reasoning. You mean that it shouldn’t be acceptable in this society.”

“It’s a sad society, really.”

“Can't deny that society is sad— Another woman seems to have gone missing.”

Murasaki put the newspaper down onto the table and tapped an article lightly with the back of his hand.

Nice went over to Murasaki's side to have a look at the newspaper.

“Another one?”

In this town, Yokohama, girls have continuously been going missing.

Whether these cases were plotted or coincidental was unclear. The commonalities among the missing people were that they were young and attractive; there seemed to be absolutely no correlation among their workplaces, schools, and relationships.

“Yeah, this is the fifth one already. Looks like it’s a high school girl this time. She’s said to have gone missing two days ago.”

“Two days ago...? Maybe she’s just been staying over at a friend’s place or something?”

“Things would be fine if that were the case. But there are some short articles in the newspaper that say that the family was set on reporting it to the police.”

“As an incident?”

“It’s not a job for us detectives, an investigation like that. It’s for the police.”

“The police, huh... I wonder if Art’s busy right now.”

Art. He is a young man Nice has been keeping company with for a long time.

Art is a police officer from the Yokohama police department. After graduating from a special educational institution with outstanding achieve-ments, he continued to make extraordinary efforts and became the police superintendent at quite a young age.

“I wonder if Art’s having some trouble.”

“Art might not be the one put directly in charge of the continuous disappearance of those girls. Besides, he’s excellent, so I don’t think he’d be having any trouble.”

“That's true,” Nice agreed, knowing Art as a guy who’s overcome all his difficulties with sheer effort; he’s one of the few people that Nice can respect from the bottom of his heart.

“I can tell that that guy’s working hard. Looks like I don’t need to worry that much after all.”

Nice cleared his throat and went silent. The rest of the inside of the cafe quieted, too, until the sound of the television took over for everyone to hear. There was a variety show airing.

‘We are inside a shopping mall in Yokohama. There is an exhibit by Aomiya-san, a doll-maker who’s been much-talked-about lately. Since today is the last day, the venue is packed.’

voiced the reporter. Nice and company turned their eyes towards the television.

The event space was in a familiar shopping mall nearby, and it was decorated with many life-size dolls. They were all female dolls in luxurious gothic-style dresses.

‘Look at the infamous lifelike dolls, they look like they’ll start moving any second now! Aomiya-san’s work is going to be auctioned at New York this year, and many bidders are ready to bid over a hundred million yen!’

Next to the reporter introducing the dolls appeared a strange-looking young man.

The man had hung several marionettes, the type one can manipulate with strings throughout their bodies.

The reporter introduced this man who had a strange, confident smile on his face:

‘The world-famous doll-maker Aomiya-san has arrived! It’s a pleasure to have you here today despite your busy schedule. ’

‘It’s no problem. This is an opportunity to propagate my aesthetics, so the pleasure is all mine.’

Aomiya brushed his hair out of his forehead with one hand; it was a gesture that made him look like a decent man. That motion bumped into several marionettes, making a dry sound.

“That's some weird fashion. Do you think he lives like that?”

Nice quipped. Murasaki replied indifferently,

“It’s probably part of the production, since he’s a doll-maker and all. Can’t say it’s a good hobby, though.”

Hajime, uninterested, averted her eyes from the television and continued to drink her milk.

Koneko smiled wryly and opened her mouth, “It stands out, so isn’t that a good thing? You can’t go wrong with it, it’s a famous doll exhibit.”

“Koneko, do you want to go?” Nice asked.

“No, not really... Actually, dolls that look just like humans are a little creepy...”

“Creepy?”

“Uhhm, you know. Isn’t it like those urban legends? Where they dress up human beings to make them living dolls... O— of course, I don’t believe in such urban legends.”

Koneko quickly shook her hands in front of her face as if to cover her expression. Nice chuckled.

“I won’t laugh at you whether you believe those or not. But hm... Living dolls, huh?”

Nice stared at the lifelike dolls next to Aomiya.

The man called Aomiya was talking about something proudly, but his voice didn’t reach Nice’s ears.

“—You’re right. It does give off a strange vibe. Plus it’s creepy and spooky.”

It was when Nice coughed a small cough that the cafe door clicked and the bell on it rang.

It seemed someone had arrived. Everyone except the one who was paying attention only to her milk saw who it was.

There came a woman who was slightly overweight and dressed in brand.

She looked to be in her forties; she held what looked like a branded handbag and wore unfashionable glasses with gilded rims and metal carvings.

She raised her glasses above her eyes with a hand and surveyed the store restlessly.

“I heard that the detective called Hamatora would be here.”

“Oh, if you’re looking for Hamatora, that’s us.”

Nice confidently raised his hand. The woman’s eyes widened behind her glasses; she was visibly doubtful.

“...You?”

The woman seemed to have thought ill of Nice’s appearance for a reason or another.

When Nice noticed, he felt an instant irritation. Before Nice could say anything in retaliation, Murasaki had raised his hand after folding the newspaper and straightening his back.

“Do you have a request? If that’s so, you can talk with me.”

Unlike Nice, Murasaki is able to read the mood when it comes to others and phrase himself accordingly. This is a testament to his maturity.

The woman initially looked at Murasaki from head to toe with contempt.

Murasaki and Nice both wear street-style clothes, but thanks to his glasses, Murasaki appears more honest in disposition. The aggression disappeared from the woman’s eyes.

“So there is someone here who I can talk with properly. Good.”

“Then, have a seat,” Murasaki gestured to the table, inviting her.

‘Good’ my ass, Nice muttered, leaving the table abruptly and plopping down next to Hajime by the counter.

“Piss off,” Nice grumbled in a whisper. Now now, Koneko hushed him in a low voice.

The woman sat down on a chair Murasaki had pulled out for her, and did not even wait until Murasaki could seat himself opposite her before she started talking:

“I want you to search for my daughter. You can do it, right?”

While the woman was saying this highhandedly, Murasaki took his seat, unfazed.

“A person-search request, I see. Of course, we can accept it. Could you share with me the specific circumstances?”

The woman fidgeted and leaned towards Murasaki.

“My daughter hasn’t come home in two days, and you know! You’ve heard of it, too, haven’t you? Of the cases of beautiful daughters going missing in this neighborhood. I’m almost sure, she must have gotten involved in an incident like that...”

She continued without pausing for breath,

“If she got caught up in that incident, oh, what will I do? This is why I don’t let her to go out even with her friends. Recently, though only once in a while, she’d be a little late to her curfew and I didn’t think much of it, but if the friend she went out with was a man, it could’ve been the criminal of the incident—”

she kept rambling to Murasaki.

“Ah, please calm down—”

“How can I calm down—?! If I knew this was going to happen, I would’ve made her attend an all-girl’s school all this time from kindergarten! Why is such a thing happening to me? If I lose that child, whatever will I do—?”

The woman was on the verge of a breakdown. As if to change the flow of the conversation, Murasaki picked up the newspaper he’d folded and set aside to spread it in front of her.

“For now, could you read this article? Is it possible that perhaps your daughter is the one mentioned on this article about a missing person?”

The woman fixed the position of her glasses and skimmed across the newspaper article. She seemed to regain composure.

“Y—yes, that’s right. I also reported it to the police, but I couldn’t just stand still so I came here.”

The woman pulled out an envelope from her handbag. It was considerably thick.

“For the retainer fee and advanced payment for necessary expenses, I’ll deposit this much. I can guarantee twice this amount once my daughter is found safe and sound.”

Koneko was the first to react to how thick the envelope was. She lit up, enthusiastically putting her hands together by her chest.

“With just that, you could already pay off everything accumulated under your tab...”

“Can’t be helped,” Master said, unmoving.

Murasaki shifted his focus to Nice.

“We’ll accept this request, okay—?”

“No thanks.”

Nice shot back instantly. Murasaki stood up, his chair skidding.

“You’re still saying that? Just what on earth about this doesn’t sit right with you?”

Nice spoke past Murasaki to the client:

“Hey, just wondering. Haven’t you thought that your daughter going missing might just be her going out with a friend?”

“Of course I have. In that case I would have asked her for her friend’s name!”

the woman answered testily.

“You probably don’t think about how your daughter feels. Don’t you think she felt suffocated at home and ran away?”

“Suffocated? Impossible. She’s my only child and I care for her, I’ve given her a life without inconvenience. I let her take any class she wants, I give her enough pocket money. What else could she complain about?”

“...That so?”

It was all Nice said back, before getting up from the bar stool and heading for the exit of the cafe.

“Hey, Nice!”

Without looking back, Nice waved Murasaki off after hearing him.

“You can handle it, Murasaki. I’ll go look for a job by myself.”

He likes to have it his way, Nice heard Murasaki explain, but went on outside without stopping.

He raised his arms and stretched them.

“Having to breathe the same air as her feels so suffocating. Her daughter probably couldn’t breathe.”

Anyway, Nice recollected his thoughts and headed out.

“Even a detective can walk around without running into trouble. Well, at least for now, it’s peaceful like usual...”

Fuwah, Nice yawned, as he strolled along the river that leads to the sea.

The river flows under an elevated highway, and the riverbank is fortified by concrete, so it’s not very windy. On the far end of the boulevard across the river is the famous Yokohama Chinatown. Nice was walking from a back street along the river, a few minutes away from the bridge.

“Guess I'll go to Chinatown. Where there’s a bunch of people, there’s bound to be some work!”

Chinatown is well-known as the place to get meat buns. There are shops that sell steamed meat buns with shrimp, and fresh fruits. It’s a place where one can get good food anywhere.

I’m starving, Nice groaned, thrusting a hand into his pocket.

Nice felt the shapes of the coins with his fingers to count them, then hung his head.

“...No good. It’s all I have, it’ll all be gone if I buy a meat bun. But eating that’ll keep me full for longer. It’s the only choice I have!”

Nice raised his head with a bitter smile. Suddenly, he noticed a cruiser mooring close to the bank.

It was a huge cruiser, one that looked like it could go out into the open sea. It just barely passed the bridge.

“Is it really alright to stop a ship around here in this river? Won’t it break down like that? Ah, I mean, I’m sure a ship like that’s freaking expensive... I heard that even an ordinary one would cost a couple hundred million yen. I wonder what kind of guys buy that kind of... Ah— At the very least, I bet they don’t have to think about money all the time. I want to be like that so I can eat meat buns without worrying. Maybe I’ll go see the ocean for a change of pace.”

Nice decided to ditch Chinatown for the sea; nearby is a park where one can look out into the ocean.

He went on over to the wide crossing. Past it is the entrance to the park he was headed to.

The pedestrian signals were red; Nice stopped walking when he saw it.

Right next to Nice was a little girl he hadn’t noticed. She was wearing a black dress that matched her long hair, with red shoes. Her height just barely reached Nice’s hip, and she looked like she was about kindergarten age.

Her skin was so white it seemed almost transparent, and her features were remarkably fair. It all made her body up to look quite delicate.

Kinda looks like a doll. That was Nice’s first impression of the little girl.

Though the little girl was expressionless, she was looking all around her. She seemed to be looking for someone.

Nice looked around the area as well. On the other end of the pedestrian crossing, there was a young boy, even smaller than the little girl, playing with what looked like a vinyl ball.

“Hey, isn’t it a little dangerous to be playing with a ball on the sidewalk?”

Nice had thought in that moment to call out even if he was all the way across the street.

The ball rolled into the pavement, and the boy playing with it ran after it, not seeming to care that the pedestrian signals were red.

“I said don’t play there!"

Beside Nice who was surprised, a small shadow moved. Moving like she was weightless, the little girl came rushing onto the pedestrian lane, all the while the signals were still red.

“Hey!!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Nice spotted a large truck coming.

When the truck caught sight of the young girl, the horn honked as the brakes screeched.

But it was too late— it was obvious what was coming next.

At this rate, the little girl was going to be hit by the truck right in front of Nice—

Without missing a beat, Nice put on his headphones and snapped his fingers.

The sound from his headphones drowned out the horn, and for a moment the world stopped moving.

Everything stood still in an instant, the truck, the little girl— even the leaves falling from the trees by the street.

The special ability Nice possessed, <Speed of Sound Minimum>, was activated.

There exists a special ability that only a handful of people are naturally born with.

A small miracle— a Minimum.

That is, an ‘extraordinary individuality’ actualized.

A person with a Minimum Ability is called a Minimum Holder, and Nice is one of them.

With <Speed of Sound Minimum>, up to 5 meters from the activation point, Nice can run as if he were side by side with sound.

But it goes by in the blink of an eye for anyone else.

In a world where everything was stopped, Nice sprinted into the pedestrian crossing, grabbing the little girl less than a mere meter away from the truck’s bumper.

—Isn’t this kid awfully light?

With this iffy feeling, and with all his might, Nice flew forward. Right after this, the world started moving again.

Once the sound of the truck brakes faded, surprised voices rang out:

“Wha— what!? She disappeared!”

“Wah—!”

The road was more than five meters wide— more than Nice can use his Minimum.

Nice would have been hit by another car on the other lane if he hadn’t made haste cutting across the pedestrian lane. But as he did, he kicked up the ball rolling by and started dribbling it like he would a football.

It was only by the time Nice had gone past the pedestrian crossing that the car came to a complete stop. The driver shouted at him:

“You idiot, you wanna fucking die?!”

“No friggin’ way—”

At Nice’s retort, the driver honked his horn even louder.

The little boy who was playing with the ball was sitting on the curb of the street. His face was twisted in shock.

“Wh-wh-what-t what—”

The little boy got on his feet with a start and burst into tears.

“Ah, I didn’t do anything!”

the driver cried irresponsibly, starting his car and fleeing.

Confused, Nice forgot all about putting down the little girl he was holding.

“Hey, I won’t know what to do if you cry like that, you know?”

Nice took the ball he was dribbling and passed it deftly towards the chest of the crying boy in a loose arc.

The boy caught it quickly, still in tears.

“My child, why are you crying?!”came a woman’s hysterical voice from beside them. Nice saw a young woman with gaudily-done makeup making her way towards them with heavy steps. She seemed to be the mother of the little boy.

“Oh, no, I didn’t make him cry—”

“But he’s definitely crying! And just now I saw you kick the ball with your feet!”

The woman lifted the little boy, moving him away from Nice.

“No, that’s— I mean, I did kick the ball, but that’s not why he’s crying—”

“God, young people these days sure are rotten, bullying little children like this. I’m calling the police right now, don’t move!”

she spat, holding her child and stomping away.

“What’s with that woman? If she cares about her child so much, she shouldn’t let him play ball in a place like this!”

Nice muttered, finally thinking to let the little girl down. But as he did, she clutched onto Nice’s clothes, refusing to let go.

“Guess there’s no way around it. It’ll be annoying if the police come, so why don’t we escape while we can?”

Still carrying the little girl, Nice made a beeline for the park.

In the park facing the sea, there’s a terminal for boarding pleasure cruises. Anchored right next to it is a large cargo ship that people can visit for observations or field trips any time.

There weren’t many people in the park. From the nearby boulevard, one could hear the sound of cars passing by and sea birds chirping, making it a relaxing atmosphere.

Nice deemed their position to be far away enough from the crossing. He settled beside the fountain in the center of the park and drew a breath.

“Hah. Whew. I wonder if the police can track us all the way over here... But, well, as long as you’re here you can tell them about what actually happened, right?”

“Yo, broke detective. You having so much trouble getting anything to eat these days that you switched jobs to kidnapping?”

said a teasing voice. Hearing these words, Nice panicked and whipped around.

There, he found a man wearing sunglasses, a thin smile playing on his lips.

It was someone Nice has gotten along with for a long time. His name is Birthday; he works as a handyman.

“Don’t talk shit about people like that, Birthday. Who the heck are you calling a kidnapper?!”

“Well of course, you, Nice.”

“You’ve got it all wrong. This kid was about to get run over by a truck, I just helped her. Right?” Nice prompted, putting down the little girl he’d been carrying. She wordlessly tilted her head.

“You were thinking of helping that kid with the ball earlier, too, right? That was really reckless, damn.”

The little girl did not respond to anything Nice was saying. She only looked up at Nice, staring, completely expressionless.

Her eyes were so pure and clear that Nice felt like he could be sucked into them when he saw his reflection.

Feeling disarmed, Nice looked away. Then Birthday questioned him,

“By the way, who is this cute little kid?”

“No idea.”

“Then, it’s a case of a lost child, isn’t it? If it’s like than, then leave it to Birthday-sama!”

Birthday sucked in a rough breath and puffed his chest out proudly.

“The heck are you acting all high and mighty for now?”

“From little girls to older women, I’m a friend to every lady, didn’t you hear?”

“Oh yeah? And what if the lost child was a boy?”

“A boy? Well, a man must overcome difficulties on his own, of course!”

Birthday exclaimed with a laugh, crouching down to be in level with the little girl. Still expressionless, the little girl tilted her head in the opposite direction.

“Hello, little lady. First things first, come closer. Yup, yup.”

Birthday closed his hand and presented it to her.

Then he opened it to reveal small flowers. They looked like toy flowers.

The little girl peered at the flowers but did nothing more. She remained expressionless.

“Huh? You didn’t like that? Then, how about this?”

He closed his hands around the flowers then held them wide open the next moment.

There appeared little flags, the ones that looked like they would come on children’s meals. Out of nowhere, Nice laughed.

“Ahaha, what a shabby magic trick—”

“Nice, you bastard, it’s not cool to say shit like that!”

Embarrassed and turning red, Birthday rushed to get back up.

The little girl was still expressionless, and though subtle, she was trembling. She seemed surprised.

“Birthday. Is it me or did you just make her uncomfortable? Not a friend to ‘every lady’ now, are we?”

“Tsk,” Birthday clicked his tongue. He plastered his smile back on and looked at the little girl.

“Sorry, sorry. Don’t get mad, OK? From now on, I’ll only give my best, so could you please cheer up?”

The little girl blinked. Though she was still expressionless, there appeared to be expectation in her eyes.

“Your best, huh?” Nice mocked.

“It’s gonna be good, so just watch.”

From the pocket of his pants, Birthday slowly slipped out something that resembled a rope. There were countless LED lights attached to a wire cable; they were used to decorate Christmas trees.

“And here—”Birthday threw the lights up and twirled, swinging it as if it were a rhythmic gymnastics ribbon, turning round and round until it was wrapped around him.

Then, with his empty hand, Birthday took a stun-gun from somewhere.

“Here it goes!! Ahm—”

Birthday had opened his mouth wide and put the stungun in it, then switched it on. A zap, then there was electricity— Birthday’s hair stood on end for a moment.

Lightning coiled around the hand he was using to hold the wire, then all at once the decorative LED lights lit up.

Using <Electric Shock Minimum>, Birthday can freely manipulate and amplify electricity through his body. Just like Nice, he is a Minimum Holder.

Nice and Birthday have known each other since they were much younger. When they were kids, they met at Facultas, a top academy and educational institution that gathers Minimum Holders and gives them special training.

Both of them dropped out of the Academy— Birthday for health reasons, and Nice for his own reasons.

Teeth to the stun-gun, Birthday made a cocky face.

“Fhowizt, cuztomwahn—!”

“How is it, customer-san? is what he said. Should just friggin’ take the stun-gun out.”

Nice commented. Birthday lowered his stun-gun, striking a pose as the decorations sparkled with electricity.

“What do you think now, Nice? Right now I’m shining just like a human Christmas tree!”

“It’s not shining anymore, though. Looks like she’s not buying it.”

“For real—?”

Birthday looked back at the little girl in dismay. Despite having a curious look in her eyes, she was still expressionless.

“Maybe if it were actually Christmas, she’d take it, don’t you think, Birthday?”

“To think that even this won’t work... She’s so hard to please, this little girl. A world where I can’t even make children laugh— it’s just so damn sad...” After saying a such a lofty thing, Birthday fell to his knees.

“Let me take it from here, Birthday! I want to make children laugh, too.”

Nice held his hand out to Birthday. Birthday grasped it tightly.

“...I’ll leave this to you. If anyone can find the perfect quick trick, it’d be Nice-kun, ‘Hama’s laughingstock!”

“Who are you calling a laughingstock? Don’t friggin’ call me that.”

Nice complained, smiling anyway. He stuffed a hand into his pocket and took all the coins there, then opened his palm in front of the little girl.

“Here. Two one-hundred-yen coins, one fifty-yen coin, and three ten-yen coins. This is all I have right now.”

“That’s a pathetic amount, you can’t even use it to buy a meat bun in Chinatown. Even a meat bun is about three hundred yen.”

dissed Birthday. Nice countered,

“Sometimes you can get it by haggling! Don’t say useless things!”

Fine, fine, Birthday backed off, shrugging his shoulders.

Nice shifted his gears, speaking to the little girl again:

“Ah, well... This money is super important to me. It’s something you should never let go. Do you understand?”

After a short pause and a gulp, the little girl nodded.

“That’s why, this money will never go away. Even if you do something like this!”

Nice gripped the coins then tossed them all up in the air.

The little girl’s round eyes watched the coins fly towards the sky.

While she was distracted, Nice put on his headphones. She could only watch as all the coins fell from the sky, to a distance Nice’s hands could reach.

—Perfect. I calculated correctly. Throwing them upwards was a good idea.

Nice snapped his fingers and activated his <Speed of Sound Minimum>.

Right when the coins stopped falling, the water fountain behind Nice also froze, like a crystal sculpture.

Nice plucked the coins out of the air one by one. With the last coin in Nice’s hand, the water in the fountain started moving again. The Minimum’s effect had run out.

Nice took off his headphones and offered his closed fist to the girl, opening it with a tada!

On his palm were the exact same number of coins he’d shown her earlier.

“See? Something important like this won’t just disappear!” Nice put the coins back in his pocket triumphantly.

Boo, boo! Birthday hurled his booing at Nice.

“Why would she buy something like that? Didn’t you just totally rip us off? You totally cheated and used your Minimum!”

“Didn’t you use your Minimum too, Birthday?!”

“Okay, that’s true, but you couldn’t make her laugh either!”

“No way!” exclaimed Nice, looking the little girl over again.

Nice, just like Birthday did earlier, fell to his knees.

“If I made a wrong move then I could’ve lost all my money for nothing...”

“Yeah, this one’s a tough cookie...”

Birthday sniffed loudly and turned away from the little girl, shaking Nice’s shoulders.

“This one little girl, we can’t make her laugh,” Nice wailed. “...It’s hopeless...” Birthday admitted.

Without Birthday nor Nice realizing it, a small group of people had gathered around them in a circle.

It’s because they kept doing things that made them stand out.

However, neither Nice nor Birthday cared much for the onlookers. The only thing they cared about was the little girl in front of them who wouldn’t laugh. Nice and Birthday croaked out:

“But Birthday, we...”

“Yeah, Nice. We can’t let it end like this.”

They felt in sync with their determination. There was only one thing left they could do. They shouted, voices overlapping: “Our Last-ditch Attempt!” “Our Secret Technique!”

‘Funny faces!’

Using all their fingers, Nice and Birthday pulled as many funny faces as they could think of.

Laughter erupted from the circle of spectators.

“The heck is that?” “Super weird!” “They’ve gone crazy!” “Young people sure are full of energy!”

Everyone around them was buying it. Except the most crucial one of them; the little girl didn’t even crack a smile.

Nice and Birthday moved their hands off their faces and let them fall, lowering their heads.

“Hey, Birthday. We did all we could, right?”

“We did. We really did all we could, Nice.”

But just as Nice and Birthday said that, the little girl touched their heads with her small hands.

As soon as she did, for a moment, an image of a girl flashed in Nice’s mind.

“Wha— just now—?” “What did I just see?”

Nice and Birthday looked at each other.

“Just now, did you see it too, Birthday? That girl?”

“Yeah, I saw it! I’m not a lolicon, but that girl looked cute, whoa!”

A beautiful girl: these are the words that fit her. She looked to be around elementary-age.

She had long, glossy black hair. She had a somber look on her face, but it was a look that was suited features.

Her beauty, almost artificial, somehow resembled that of the little girl who wouldn’t laugh.

The little girl withdrew her hands from Nice’s and Birthday’s heads. She was as expressionless as ever, but Nice felt like he could see something in her eyes.

“...Could it be, you were looking for that girl?”

Languidly, the little girl bowed her head.

“You want us to look for her. Is that what you’re hoping?”

The little girls eyes wavered. She hesitated, but even if it was a small one she had given a nod.

Help me. Nice felt as if he heard a voice call out to him.

“Alright. I accept your request.”

Nice stood up, carelessly wiping his palm off on his shirt before holding it out towards the girl in greeting.

Very nervously, the girl let Nice shake her hand. Her fingers were unusually stiff, unlike how soft her childlike face appeared.

Nice tucked the sense of discomfort away in the back of his mind and introduced himself:

“I’m Nice. I’m a detective.”

Birthday got up cheerfully and started gathering the lights he’d tangled all around his body.

“Then shall we? You gotta do some work to find people, you know... Hi, hi, sorry for the ruckus~”

Birthday sang to the crowd, out of courtesy, before he began to walk.

Slightly surprised, Nice asked Birthday:

“You’re gonna help me? We’re not gonna make any money out of this. And actually, Birthday, don’t you have any handyman work today?”

Birthday stopped to spare him a glance.

“Work? Well, there was a request to be some disagreeable fella’s bodyguard, but that’s fine. I mean, since it’s come to this, we should listen to the wishes of a girl who’s so troubled she can’t even smile.”

“So that’s it,” Nice laughed in agreement. Then, taking little girl’s hand, he began to walk as well.

“‘Cause there really are some things more important than money.”

✢

“Sheesh, that Nice. He really does just do things his way.”

Murasaki complained to himself after the client who requested the search for her daughter left. Damn it, Murasaki sighed.

“...I know you’ve told me before, Nice, we have to only accept serious requests. I get where you’re coming from. But that’s not how the world works. Not everyone will understand what you believe. So I end up having no choice but to do this.”

Since that woman client had left, there were no other customers in Nowhere. It’s fine to check how much this is now, right? thought Murasaki as he opened the envelope containing the advance payment.

The envelope was snatched from beside him. Murasaki turned in that direction in surprise, shifting his eyeglasses. There Koneko was smling widely, envelope in hand.

“Hey, what are you doing all of a sudden—”

“It’s not all of a sudden or anything. I’ll take care of this, for the stuff that needs to be paid off.”

Though Koneko was smiling, the light in her eyes shone with conviction. Murasaki let out another sigh, smaller this time.

“Can’t do anything about that, we have been borrowing money. That’s mostly Nice’s fault... If there’s any money left after the overdue fee for using the table, and that idiot’s tab for food and drinks are all paid off, give it to me.”

“Mhm, I’ll properly and fairly return what’s left of it after everything’s paid off...”

Koneko nodded repeatedly, looking quite satisfied. Murasaki readjusted his glasses with a hand, getting up after looking towards where the woman had entered before handing them the envelope paying for her daughter’s search.

“Are you going out, Murasaki-san?”

“Searching for people takes hard work and a lot of time. I don’t have the luxury to be warming chairs with my ass.”

“Take care,”

Koneko called out, wishing Murasaki off.

At that moment, Murasaki heard Hajime order, “Three large servings of curry. On Nice’s tab.” But Murasaki, thinking he had no obligation to tell Nice about it, let himself forget all about it right on the spot.

He was only thinking about the request he’d just accepted.

“At any rate, it’d be best if I could get any help.”

Right as he left the cafe, Murasaki brought out his smartphone. He dialed a contact he considered reliable, hoping he would answer. After two rings, the call went through.

‘Murasaki? What is it?’

“Ratio, do you have a minute?”

On the other end of the call was a man named Ratio. He is a doctor who works for a large hospital, but he is also Birthday’s partner in handyman work.

‘Yeah, it’s fine. I’m free, I got off just now.’

Thinking of Ratio's appearance, that he’s always wearing a white coat and an eyepatch on his right eye, Murasaki continued:

“You’re free? Great, I want you to ask Birthday to help out with a request. It’s to search for someone.”

‘Unfortunately, I’m the only one on who’s free. It’s Birthday’s fault.’

Upon hearing Ratio’s explanation, Murasaki got a good grasp of the situation.

“...So your playboy went off somewhere and left you with all the work too, huh?”

‘There was a bodyguard job request but it seems he’s got some more important business to take care of. In any case, it’s probably about a girl— So, what’s the plan? If you’re fine with me, I can help you out. I’m off work today because I spend my unpaid leaves to help Birthday with his odd jobs.’

Ratio is more coolheaded than Murasaki, and also more mature. But from his placid tone, Murasaki could sense his frustration. Phew, Murasaki sighed lightly.

“...We both suffer, don’t we?”

‘I’m used to it. You, too, Murasaki, you’ll get used to it eventually. Truth be told, if we get angry at our partners every time, there’ll never be an end to it.’

Ratio chuckled. It made Murasaki feel at ease.

Ratio and Murasaki, just like Nice and Birthday, are from Facultas. Ratio dropped out of the academy in the same season as Birthday, while Murasaki studied at the Kansai campus of Facultas, so they weren’t acquainted during their time as students.

Murasaki only met Ratio in the last year when he quit the academy. And though they haven’t known each other for very long, Ratio has become someone Murasaki can count on.

Birthday and Nice are the same breed, so Ratio’s suffering is something I can understand.

Without voicing his empathy, Murasaki spoke,

“No end to it, huh... You’re right about that. All we can do is fulfill the requests we accepted— It’d be better to tell you all the details by showing you. Can you leave there?”

‘I can, no problem. Should I go to Nowhere?’

“No, let’s go to another cafe. There’s one closer to the hospital where you work, right, Ratio? There would be fine.”

‘Roger that. I’ll go right now, meet you there.’

“Right, thanks.”

Once the call was over, Murasaki began putting his phone in his pocket but stopped his hand mid-gesture.

“...Should I call Nice? Nah, I won’t. Since it’s him, he’s probably started doing something else. Well... He’s probably not gonna get any money out of it though.”

Laughing once, Murasaki put his smartphone in his pocket and headed for the meeting place.

✢

Once Murasaki had gone out, Koneko brought out a laptop she uses specifically for bookkeeping and began to work on accounting; her first order of business, naturally, was liquidating Nice’s debt.

“Master, can I have the account book with Nice-kun’s tab?”

“Wait for a while... I’m finishing a serving, see.”

Master put out the dish for Hajime’s order of large curry servings.

On the large dish was more than twice as much rice and curry as there would be on a regular serving.

Hajime is a small girl and looks delicate, but she loves eating, and she loves eating a lot. Her large curry was three serving’s worth.

Having been waiting with a spoon in hand, Hajime tasted the curry as soon as she received it.

“Now, to get that book...”

Master retreated into the backroom of the cafe. Seeing him turn his back, Koneko began to type away at the keyboard.

Koneko stopped her hands for a second to look at Hajime.

“Ah, I just remembered! Hajime-chan, Hajime-chan, can I ask you to do me one favor?”

Her cheeks stuffed with curry, Hajime replied:

“Me? What?”

“Ah, well, there’s a book I’d like you to buy. Just a magazine with shoujo manga.”

Hajime swallowed the food in her mouth and drank some water before answering.

“Right now, I’m facing off with this curry with everything I’ve got, so I can’t.”

After answering frankly, Hajime turned away and started eating her curry again. To her profile, Koneko said,

“If you go buy it, I’ll make you a parfait to go with that.”

Hajime about-faced instantaneously, and without even changing her expression, complied.

“Tell me the title of the magazine. As Hamatora Detective Agency’s number one assistant, I’ll acquire the magazine without fail.”

“Really?! This month’s issue is going to be sold out soon because it has rare bonus materials! Can you do it now?”

“Just one second. I’m gonna finish my food first.”

Hajime vigorously shoveled spoonful after spoonful of curry into her mouth. Koneko watched as the big serving of curry disappeared. Lastly, Hajime finished her cup of water and put her spoon down.

“Thanks for the meal. Tell Master that I’m having my second serving with that parfait when I get back.”

“You got it. Now here’s the title of the magazine and money to buy it.”

Koneko handed Hajime a 500-yen coin and a memo with the magazine’s title on it. Hajime glanced at the memo and put it in her pocket along with the coins.

“Roger. I’ll get going now.”

she said in her usual bland tone, and with light footsteps, as if she were skipping, Hajime left the cafe. As if to replace her, another girl in the same generation as Hajime entered the cafe.

It was a sweet-looking girl with beautiful big blue eyes, and long blonde hair tied into twin tails. She was wearing a white coat that was reminiscent of a researcher’s lab gown.

“Hi, Koneko. Long time no see~”

“Ah, Honey-san, welcome!”

Honey. She is half-German, half-American. She and Koneko are acquaintances.

“Oh? Where’s Nice and the others? Out on a job?”

“Nice-kun and the others went out just a while ago, do you have business with them?”

“Nhn, not really. Just kinda wanted to see them. I’m meeting with Art today. Do you mind if I kill some time here?”

“Not at all. Please go sit at any table you like.”

Closing the laptop, Koneko switched her mind into service mode.

Koneko immediately prepared a tray with cold water and a moistened hand towel, then headed towards Honey’s table.

“Are you ready to order?”

“Then, your house-blend. No need for milk and sugar.”

Koneko felt like she’d heard somewhere at some point that Germans like to drink good coffee.

If you look at her, you’d guess she’d be more of a tea person. But to begin with, she’s also part-American, isn’t she? I wonder if Americans like coffee over tea, too...

Thinking this but deciding not to say anything unnecessary, Koneko took her order.

“Got that... Wait a second, Master hasn’t come back yet...”

As if on cue, with perfect timing as Koneko turned around, Master had reappeared with a notebook in one hand.

“Here’s the account book— oh, a customer? What’s the order?”

Master set the notebook down somewhere within his reach and put his working face on.

“Our house-blend,” said Koneko. Master started preparing the coffee drip right away.

Honey felt a tad bit sheepish.

“Could I have gotten in the way of you doing some accounting work?”

“Ah, don’t worry about it. It’s just about liquidating Nice-kun’s tab, so I can push it off.”

“Liquidating his tab? Did he get some incidental income?”

Nice is always in a tight spot at the end of the year; Anyone who knows Nice even a little can guess that he’s that type of person.

“Yes, that’s right. It’s from a payment for a request Murasaki-san accepted, to search for someone.”

“Search for someone?” inquired Honey. Koneko pondered how she should reply.

Honey works as a bodyguard. With a great man named Three, they take requests to just about anywhere in the world, not only to be bodyguards but also to clean up messes.

Since they are agents effective at resolving messes, they also often receive requests from even the police.

The person Honey said she was meeting is Art, a police detective from the Yokohama Police.

As it seemed, the request Murasaki had accepted might also concern the police. If there is a connection between his case and the continuous disappearance of attractive women, Murasaki might find himself involved.

A detective’s gone off to go look for a missing person. Koneko wondered what Art and Honey would think.

In some cases, civilians will just do more than they have to even if everyone’s told to practice caution, so it’s not that strange.

—Koneko thought better than to say anything.

“As an intermediary for Hamatora Detective Agency, I cannot divulge any details.”

Koneko wore a business smile. Honey giggled.

“If it’s not gonna mess with the police, you would tell me, right?”

It appeared Koneko was found out. Having no choice, Koneko smiled timidly.

“As expected of Honey-san who has the <Information Analysis> minimum.”

Honey was in the same batch as Nice, Birthday, Ratio, and Art at the Academy. While Nice and the others dropped out, only Honey and Art graduated.

Honey’s Minimum Ability allows her to predict up to ten minutes into the future through a unique urban-grasping system application that she developed herself, <Mighty Script>, with the help of her special computer terminal, a tablet called <Mighty>. But just now, Honey didn’t use <Mighty>.

“I didn’t have to go as far as to use my Minimum, it was simple reasoning. I was just wondering if that has something to do with why Art called me. I won’t ask anymore. I’ll keep it from Art for you, too, at least for now.”

“Thank you very much.”

Koneko bowed after seeing Honey smile.

“By the way,” Koneko changed the topic. “So it’s gotten to this point, Honey-san, you and Art-san. I wonder how that will go?”

“How what will go?”

“Aren’t you two getting together? Uhm, I suppose you guys suit each other...”

Honey’s eyes grew wide.

“Me and Art?”

Right after she said that, she started cackling,

“Ahahahaha! I’ve never thought of that!”

“W—was... Was what I said really that weird?”

Koneko asked, feeling extremely flustered. After a while, Honey stopped laughing out loud and flashed her another small smile.

“Well, if it weren’t a weird thing, I wouldn’t have a weird reaction, right? But Art, huh... He’s like my comrade in arms.”

“Comrade in arms?”

“That’s right. Art is someone I respect, and I have faith in him. If a situation ever comes where he has to shoot me, I won’t even have a problem with it because I believe in him.”

“...Somehow, that kind of relationship is better than being lovers...”

“I don’t think about it that way. Like, sure it’s special but it’s not about being lovers.”

The expression on Honey’s face changed suddenly; Koneko thought it was the expression of an innocent girl. No doubt that Honey has someone she’s interested in, Koneko thought.

Someone popped into Koneko’s head; a big man who always had an austere look on his face— It was Three.

Honey and Three are as far apart in age as a parent and child would be.

No way, that’s not possible. With this in mind, Koneko decided to ask anyway,

“I know you’ve been working with Three-san for a long time, right? What about Three-san?”

Honey’s face suddenly flared, and she blushed up to her ears.

“Wh-wh-wh-what are you saying so suddenly, I didn’t hear—?”

Honey hurriedly gulped down some water, choked, then ended up coughing.

Koneko watched Honey with a warm smile.

—Ah, so is that it...?

After a long while, Honey wiped her face with a handkerchief she took out from somewhere and spoke with it over her mouth:

“Th—that guy, look, he’s got that kind of face but he’s actually sensitive— I mean, he’s got plenty of soft spots here and there, too. He’s got some weird hobbies like reading shoujo manga, but it’s also kinda endearing... Ah, oh no, what am I saying? Geez, it’s because Koneko asked—!”

—Uhm. I don’t remember ever asking about that much though...

As Koneko troubled herself over how to respond to that, the scent of coffee suddenly spread throughout the cafe.

“Coffee’s ready,” Master announced.

“Well would you look at that! Go and bring it here!” Honey commanded hastily, as if to dodge further questions.

Feeling deeply relieved, Koneko smiled, said “Yes, I’ll be right back,” and went back to the counter.

On the tray was a cup of coffee on a saucer as well as a few almond chocolates on a small dish.

“Just a little extra service.”

Past Honey’s exchange with Koneko, Honey might be able to feel grateful for Master’s thoughtfulness.

Thank you very much, Koneko said to Master before taking the coffee.

When Koneko had delivered the coffee to the table, a young man entered the cafe.

He had shadowy but delicate features, and a lithe body dressed properly in a suit.

“Hello,” he greeted in a refreshing voice; it was a police inspector from the Yokohama police department, Art.

Honey turned around and waved at him.

“Hi, Art!”

“Sorry for being a little late. Koneko, could I ask for a cup of tea?”

Having apologized to Honey and ordered from Koneko in the same breath, Art took a seat opposite Honey at her table.

“Yes, tea coming right up. Please wait for a little.”

Koneko glanced at Master. Without her having to repeat the order, Master had already begun preparing tea. Art’s usual order is tea, and Koneko mused that she’d never seen Art drink coffee.

“Oh, Art-san, won’t you try some coffee next time? It’s delicious, Master’s coffee.”

“The truth is, I’m really not a coffee person. It’s my bad, even though you’re very considerate.”

Art said with shame, chuckling wryly.

“Ah, my bad as well for saying something unnecessary, I’m sorry. I’ll be quiet so I don’t interrupt you anymore.”

After apologizing, Koneko left the table. Art then turned to Honey.

“You guys coming is a big help, Honey. What business do you guys have in Japan? If you guys are very busy, I won’t bother you anymore.”

Art told Honey. She made a slightly off-putting expression and made a sidelong glance.

“...It’s Three. He said there’s a shoujo manga magazine that he really wants to get today.”

A shoujo manga magazine? Those words worried Koneko but she didn’t say anything so as not to disrupt the mood of their talk.

“Ah, now that you mention it, Sensei does really like shoujo manga.”

Art calls Three sensei. Three is a guru of a military-style ‘command self-defense’ type of wrestling.

Three is also adept in Jiu Jitsu, and Art had learned Judo from him.

Art continued after getting that remark out,

“But is it really worth all the effort to go buy them physically? Electronic versions are available these days.”

“It’s pretty difficult to get the magazines overseas as it is, and somehow the e-versions are less interesting. But it’s a good thing, isn’t it? Because we get to see each other like this now. So, what do we have to do?”

Honey’s expression became thoughtful, as did Art’s.

“I need you to do something for me, even if it’s just for today. I’m certain that your information-processing ability will be a great help.”

“Had a feeling it would be that. Can I have the info ASAP?”

“Yeah.” Art brought something out from the pocket of his suit, then he looked towards Koneko.

“Where are Nice and the others today?”

“They’re out. I don’t think they’ll be back for a while.”

“That’s a relief. This time, these photos really can’t be shown to anyone except people involved in the investigation. Koneko, you too, could you pretend you didn’t see anything?”

“I understand,” Koneko replied. With a small nod, Art spread out the articles on the tabletop.

There were five photos, all of which were of young and attractive women.

Additionally, there were five sheets of printed paper.

They seemed to contain succinct summaries of the women in the photos.

“Recently, there have been incidents of girls disappearing quickly one after the other. Although there’s a possibility that they were kidnapped, we hardly know anything yet.”

“I read about the incident on the newspaper before I came here. Well, I’ll borrow those for a bit.”

Honey fished her computer terminal tablet out of her bag. It contained an urban-grasping system application called <Mighty Script>; it is also called <Mighty>.

Using the camera on <Mighty>, Honey took photo after photo of the documents.

<Mighty> then displayed the photos and profiles that were converted into data.

Honey organized the information on <Mighty>, taking sips of her coffee every once in a while. She put one almond chocolate in her mouth and bit down on it, muttering once she was sure,

“...I got it.”

“Have you already figured out what’s behind the situation?!”

“Don’t be so hasty, Art, it isn’t like you. What I got is that the information is severely insufficient. Even if I use my Minimum, it wouldn’t be enough.”

“...My bad, it wasn’t in my place to go off.”

Despondently, Art shrank back, and the cafe quieted all over.

“Tea’s ready.”

Master announced. Koneko went to the counter and carried back a tray with nothing but black tea on it this time.

“Sorry to make you wait.”

“...Thank you.”

To cool his head, Art took a sip of the black tea.

“In times like these, when you think about the horrible things those missing people must be going through, it’s so hard to calm down no matter what I do. The only thing I can do are straightforward investigations.”

Because unlike you guys, I don’t have a Minimum. Art said this in a long breath.

Art was also from Facultas. However, unlike Nice and the others, Art did not have a Minimum Ability. Though he exhibited Minimum Aptitude, he could not manifest it into an ability.

Neverthelesss, putting great effort into everything, Art managed to graduate Facultas with an exceptional record.

After graduating from Facultas, he passed the Government Employee Career Exam, and young as he was, attained his position as police superintendent. He is seen by the police organization to be an extremely excellent officer with a very promising future.

There was absolutely no one who had ridiculed Art’s efforts, and no one who could even come close to him.

“Alright, time to hurry this up.”

Honey drank all her coffee and put the rest of the almond chocolates in her mouth. While chewing, she put <Mighty> in her bag and got up.

“This information really is nowhere near enough. So first of all, let’s use these photos and get more information. What’s that you said, Art— don’t you think everything starts with a good, straightforward investigation?”

“I guess so.”

The determination returned to Art’s face.

“I’m sorry, Master. Looks like I won’t be able to finish all the tea you brewed for me. I’ll leave my payment here. I’ll drop by again, please send my regards to Nice and the others, too.”

Art cleaned up the materials he laid out on the table, pulled out two bills from his wallet, and set them down.

There was obviously more money than was payment for both the tea and the coffee, but Koneko accepted it without trouble, knowing it was hush money for the information she’d seen.

“Yes, we’ll look forward to your next visit. Please take care.”

Koneko saw Art and Honey off with a smile, then took to cleaning the table.

She tilted her head slightly.

“A shoujo manga he wants to get today, was it? Three-san will probably run into Hajime-chan, won’t he? This month’s issue will be super rare... What if they clash—? No, no, that won’t happen...”

Koneko interrupted herself with a giggle, then went back to doing accounting for Nice’s debt.

✢

“Hey, you foreign-looking guy over there, hold it!”

called a girl’s voice at the street corner, to a man whose big, martial-arts body was covered in a pastor’s vestments—

Three stopped in his tracks to turn around and was mildly surprised to see someone unexpected.

“If it isn’t Hajime. What is it?”

Three and Hajime are acquainted with each other. They have seen each other several times.

“Ah, it’s Three. Now that I look at you, your face is pretty scary.”

Because Hajime raised her voice, he had a surprised look on his face.

On Three’s big, square-ish face is his nose, thickly sculpted and reminiscent of a lion. There is also a scar that looks like an X, spanning from his forehead, through his eyebrows, all the way to his cheeks.

He always has such a serious look on his face that children could cry if he approached. But even if he looked like this, he’s actually fond of children.

“Sorry for my scary face. What do you want, Hajime?”

he asked, in a low and soft tone that was gentlemanly. Hajime answered after a short silence,

“The clerk at the convenience store said that a foreign-looking guy bought that last copy. So, please give it to me. I can pay for it with money properly.”

In Three’s hands was a plastic bag from the convenience store, and in it was the shoujo manga magazine.

I came to Japan because I really wanted it on the release date, but the bookstore I went to was sold out already by some fate, and I finally found it in a convenience store and bought it right out of their storefront inventory.

Oh no, Three groaned. It was the wish of a child. Any other time, he would have given it away without hesitating, and for free, too.

However, he couldn’t let go of this one volume so easily.

It was because this was a completely new work with unserialized stories from one of Three’s favorite manga authors who hasn’t announced new content in several years.

“...It pains me to say this, but I can’t hand this magazine over.”

“—Even if I said I would pay for it with money? You won’t change your mind?”

“I absolutely can’t. If you’ve looked all over the place for this, too, Hajime... Then you’ll understand. If I miss out on this, I might never get my hands on it ever again. I have a good reason not to give up on it.”

“Me too, I have a good reason not to give up on it. Even if I have to beat you up or kill you, I’ll pay for it.”

Three couldn’t have known that Hajime’s reason for not yielding was so that she could have a parfait.

Judging by Hajime’s weighty words and the serious look on her face, Three thought that it must have been a deep reason.

“It’s in my principle not to wage violence against girls... But I don’t think I can give up, no matter what. I have no choice. I’ll have to treat becoming your opponent as training.”

There was a time not long ago when Three had fought Hajime; he was aware of how strong Hajime was.

Three, thinking it wouldn’t be right of him to hold back on a girl like Hajime, put the plastic bag containing the magazine on a nearby post.

“If you defeat me, just take it. At that time, the payment won’t be necessary anymore.”

“I said I would pay for it!”

Then, Hajime disappeared in a flash.

“What—?!”

Hajime caught Three off guard, and he was wide open. Three felt wind blow behind him.

Instinctively, Three turned around, and came a few centimeters face to face with the heel of Hajime’s boot.

Her kick was aimed right at his chin. Three felt a chill run up his spine.

Hajime’s kick, targeted at Three’s face, relentlessly blew through in a sharp arc.

Three crossed his arms in front of him and took the attack.

Three immediately felt the impact on his arms.

Hajime’s body is small and light, but if she put enough power into it she could have easily fractured Three’s face.

Her technique was beyond even a karate dojo’s instructor.

—Her skill’s even sharper than when we fought before. Does that mean she wasn’t serious then?

So you can do this much if you get serious. Three braced himself.

If I draw this fight out, I might get myself injured by Hajime one way or another.

If I want to make this quick, I have to do a locking technique in Judo and make her give up.

Three is a guru of a ‘command self-defense’ type of wrestling. He knows throwing techniques, locking techniques, even strangleholds; there was no way he could lose in a professional fight.

—It’s awful of me, but I have to get serious now! Dropping his guard, Three caught Hajime’s ankle as she kicked him. He planned to put pressure on her ankle while he was at it.

But the moment Three caught Hajime’s ankle, she punched his elbow.

The precise blow numbed Three all the way to his fingertips, making him release Hajime’s ankle from his hold.

Hajime just did a move from Chinese martial arts when she raised the knuckle of her middle finger in her fist and sharply struck Three’s elbow.

Then from that extreme stance, Hajime flipped backwards away from Three.

She landed on her feet without a sound. That movement made her look as flexible as a cat.

“Ryuuzu-ken is a difficult move to master. You might get injured if you don’t train yourself to do it properly.”

“Ryuu-what-ken? I didn’t know it was called like that. I just know it hurts a lot when I do it.”

Hajime usually wears fingerless gloves that have small, protective armor shells. They reduced the effect of the Ryuuzu-ken by half, but also reduced the damage that would come back to her by that much.

After swaying, Hajime took her stance once more. Her body was utterly overflowing with endless power.

“So? Do you feel like giving up now?”

Although she looked like a child, within her was an elite fighter. Three acknowledged Hajime.

“You’re really formidable, Hajime.”

A big smile grew on Three’s lips.

“How interesting! I said this would only be training, but that’s okay! I’ll take you on seriously as my opponent!”

Three is a Minimum Holder that possesses the <Beast Minimum>.

“Oh Lord. Please forgive me for staining these fangs and claws with blood. I am the beast—”

Offering a prayer to the god he believes in: this is the condition for invocation of Three’s Minimum.

His hair stiffened as he immersed himself, and a beast’s instinct manifested itself in his appearance. In his eyes were an irrefutable glint: he was the ruler of all the animal kingdom.

“Roooooaaarrr!!”

Hardly worrying about drawing attention in public, Three let out his beast-cry.

✢ ✢ ✢

HAMATORA THE NOVEL PART I END

thank you for reading! please look forward to part ii!

again you can get in touch with us on the following: minimums@tumblr/gayhacker@ao3/tatsuyaenomoto@twitter (scans) ba-sudei@tumblr/d_n__@twitter (translation)

thank you for the support! ここから応援してください！

#hamatora #hamatora the novel #hamatoranslations #murasaki (hamatora)#tagging him because he's on the title page hehe #we cant believe were putting this out right now aaaah!!!#though me and avery both go back to uni right after this so we'll be pretty busy and the next part might come at a much later date #but we won't drop this i dont think yayyyy!!!#thank you!!#also this is long it was 50 pages and turned out to be 10k words translated so!! just letting you know!

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rosemakh · 4 years ago

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Talking Topics with Taika - Episode 1: DWD

[spoof interview show with call-in listeners and guests]

[Author's Note: This was originally written in 2014 as a script for an audio series. I wrote two episodes but was unable to continue the project. This is the re-written version, with visual descriptions added as needed. It reads sort of like a script. Just imagine this as a televised talk show with guests seated on a stage, in front of a studio audience.]

Taika: Welcome, viewers. You may have heard of DUI and DWI, but there is a new and equally disturbing kind of distracted driving that is killing hundreds in our nation every year. This deadly habit has been dubbed DWD - Driving While Dining. Tonight, we will speak with people who have committed DWD. These brave souls are here to share their tragic stories and relive the pain of those events in the hopes that others will not make the same mistakes they did. Please welcome to the show: Candy Chianti from Oatmeal, Texas; Toffee Bellini from Cookietown, Oklahoma; and Frank Furter from Sandwich, Massachusetts. Welcome, each of you.

Candy: Thankies, Taika! It's awesome to be here!

Toffee: Thank you so much Taika. This is wonderful!

Frank: Thanks, Taika!

Taika: Driving While Dining seems to have become quite popular recently, in spite of the fact that it is difficult to drive properly while eating a meal. Miss Candy, you actually got into a car accident while committing DWD, correct?

Candy: I did!

Taika: I'm sure it must be a very painful memory for you--

Candy: Yah~~

Taika: --but would you share your story with us, so we may all learn from your experience?

Candy: Okay! So, I went to Burly Burger and ordered a order of Chocolatey Beef Bites with a extra icing cup and a malted beef broth milkshake with strawberry topping. And I, like, usually don't eat when I drive, but the Beef Bites smelled so good and my stomach started, like, totally eating itself, so I was driving down Main Street and opened the Bites, but they're not that good without icing, so I put my hand in the bag to get the icings, but they weren't in there!

So, I got really mad and forgot I was driving and I was, like, cussing and stuff 'cause I was hungry and I rear-ended some 86-year-old old guy cuz he was at a red light...

And he would of been okay, 'cept he was eating in his car, and I guess he, like, inhaled 'cause I hit him, and he totally choked to death on one of those nasty hash browns from Patty's Potato Lodge! I mean EW!! Those are gross!!

And, like, I regret that morning every day of my life... because my Beef Bites fell on the floor when I rear-ended that old guy, so I couldn't eat them, and they cost me, like, five dollars!

Taika: So, out of all of that morning's events, you most regret not getting to eat the Beef Bites?

Candy: [Softly crying and sniffling] It's, like, totally sad. I'll never get that five dollars back.

Toffee: [Clears her throat loudly, speaks sadly] I feel for you dear. That's a very distressing story, but I'm afraid mine is far, far worse.

Taika: Ms. Toffee, do you feel comfortable sharing your story with us?

Toffee: [Suddenly very cheerful] Oh, gladly!

Taika: [Surprised at Toffee's change in demeanor]

Toffee: The fateful day was nearly one year ago. I went to my favorite restaurant -- Bread Breakfast Bread -- they only sell breakfast sandwiches there, and they are positively exquisite!

I wanted to try their Sloppy Syrup Sausage Sandwich. It's crumbled breakfast sausage drenched in authentic maple syrup between two slices of freshly baked and toasted cinnamon raisin bread!

Candy: Oh my gaw! That sounds really good!

Frank: Mmm~~~~hm!

Toffee: Doesn't it? And it tastes even better than it sounds! After I picked up one for me and a few for the ladies at the office, I continued my commute. I resisted the urge to eat until I was at a red light - because as everyone here knows, it's very reckless to eat while driving--

Frank: [Nodding] It sure~~ is.

Candy: [Nodding] Yah~~

Taika: [Looks at Candy as if she doesn't believe she just said that]

Toffee: --So, I had the sandwich in my hand, held tightly because it was loaded with syrup and sausage, and there must have been some sort of mime convention in town because -- and I am not lying -- a parade of mimes started walking down the crosswalk in front of my car, but they didn't just walk! They mimed as if they were pulling ropes or rowing boats or being blown across the road by the wind!

Candy: [Laughs]

Frank: Sounds like quite a show!

Toffee: Yes! And I was so mesmerized that I loosened my grip on the sandwich and all of that boiling-hot syrupy sausage fell right into my lap!

Candy: [Gasps] Oh no!

Toffee: I was wearing shorts that day, so I was burned instantly! It was so painful and before I knew it, my car had shot forward and taken out several mimes!

I didn't know people could die so quietly! Those mimes were so dedicated to their art! There wasn't so much as a peep out of any of them!

[Sadly] It was so horrible...so~~ horrible...

[A little angry] ...when the police confiscated my sandwiches!

Frank and Candy: [Gasp in unison]

Candy: Why did they confiscate them?!

Toffee: The officer said they were evidence!

Frank: [Stroking his beard and pondering] How can sandwiches be evidence?

Toffee: [Upset] I don't know!

Candy: [Sighs sadly] You're right, Toffee, that's way worse than my story!

Toffee: [Giggles] I told it so, dear!

Taika: Why are you bragging about it?

Toffee: [Clueless, absent minded, innocent look]

Taika: [Breathes deeply and regains her composure] Did any of the people you hit with your car survive?

Toffee: Oh, I don't know. I was too traumatized to check up on them.

Taika: Wouldn't the people that you ran over be more traumatized than you were?

Frank: [Nods sagely and interrupts] Mmm~~ yes, I can see how that would traumatize anyone! But now it's time for my terrible tale. You three ladies may want to sit down for this!

Taika: Thank you for the warning, Mr. Frank. Please continue.

Frank: Thank you! There was once a legendary sub sandwich: the lobster, abalone, and Italian white sturgeon caviar-filled Limited Edition '14 Karat Super Sub'!

Toffee: [A little glittery-eyed] 14 Karat?

Frank: [Proudly] The sauce had edible gold in it.

Candy: That must'a been, like, totally expensive!

Frank: 100 dollars a sub! And I bought 12 of them, for myself and my co-workers. Gotta keep the co-workers on your side, right? That day, I cruised down the street with the windows down and a big bag of those babies on the front passenger seat of my SUV. I was eating one, too -- a little too quickly -- and I started to choke on it.

I needed to drink something but couldn't put the sub down because it would ruin my new upholstery, so I ducked down for just a second to drink from the straw in my soft drink in the cup holder. When I sat back up, my SUV was heading straight toward a lightpole, so I jerked the wheel to avoid it, but I was carrying a load of bricks on the roof, and the sudden movement caused the vehicle to flip.

Candy: [Gasps]

Toffee: Oh my!

Frank: The bricks broke loose and flew in all directions. The SUV rolled several times and my bag of subs flew out the window!

Candy: [Gasps louder]

Toffee: You're kidding!

Frank: Later, I found out that my SUV had rolled through a puppy adoption fair that some 1st graders were holding on the sidewalk and had crushed uh...[Counts them off on his fingers] three dozen 6- and 7-year-olds, some puppies, a few teachers, and a couple stuffed animals.

Taika: Why mention the stuffed animals?

Frank: But worst of all, that was the last day they were serving those limited edition subs! You can't get them anywhere anymore! And they were so delicious!

Toffee: [Sobs into a hankerchief] That's horrible! Absolutely mortifying!

Candy: [Crying loudly] And those poor subs flew out the window and probably got crushed! Just thinking about all that wasted caviar...!!

Toffee: [More sobbing] ...the lobster!

Frank: [Crying loudly] Fresh...caught...abalone!!

Taika: [Completely dumbfounded at her guests] I apologize for interrupting, Mr. Frank, but did you say that your DWD accident resulted in the deaths of several innocent children, school teachers, and puppies?

Frank: [Sadly] Right. And a couple stuffed animals.

Taika: [Shifts her eyes in annoyance at the mention of the stuffed animals] ...Yes...Well, with that being the case... [Leans in and slightly reprimanding and a little disgusted] Are you honestly mourning the loss of seafood right now?

Candy, Toffee, Frank: [Stare at Taika for a moment, then, in unison start nodding their heads matter-of-factly and talk on top of each other]

Toffee: [Her mascara is running] Yes. It's just such a tragedy.

Candy: [Hand over her mouth, crying]

Frank: Of course! It was 1200 dollars worth, Taika. Seafood doesn't just grow on trees, ya know. [Shakes his head at her as if she's hopeless]

Taika: [Highly annoyed] Well...thank you for enlightening me... and my thanks to each of you for bravely sharing your harrowing experiences with our viewers.

To end today's show, is there anything else you would like to say about Driving While Dining? Perhaps some words of caution?

Miss Candy, do you have anything to share?

Candy: [Suddenly brightens up] Oh, totally! [Turns to the camera and smiles broadly] Okay, listen up. If you're gonna eat when you drive, set your food out on the passenger's seat before you leave the parking lot and always make sure the drive-through person gave you icing cups!

Taika: Okay... Ms. Toffee, do you have a word of caution for our viewers?

Toffee: I have a great one! [Clears her throat and continues sagely] When you really think about it, mimes aren't very interesting, so keep your eyes on your sandwich and your foot on the brake, and you'll avoid any mime-related incidents.

Taika: I don't think mimes were the problem in your case...

Toffee: What do you mean?

Taika: ...nevermind. I'm a little afraid to ask, but Mr. Frank, do you have any words?

Frank: It's okay to be afraid, Taika. This is a terrifying subject!

Frank: But, cheer up, because my words of wisdom are about to blow you away! [Takes a big, dramatic breath] Every vehicle should come with a sub sandwich holder -- standard!

Candy: [Nodding] That's a good idea!

Toffee: I would petition for that!

Frank: And...!

[Candy and Toffee lean in to hear him better]

Frank: If you're carrying a load of bricks on top of your SUV, it's probably a good idea to put them in a bag or something!

Taika: That makes sense, surprisingly.

Candy: [Nods, mesmerized] Ohh~~

Toffee: Very profound!

Frank: And~~~!!

Toffee: [Stares expectantly] There's more?

Frank: [Loudly, looks into the camera] Hey~~ kids! If an SUV comes barrelling towards you, move out of the way, or Santa Claus won't bring you any presents this year!

Taika: [Fuming with anger]

Candy: [Applauding] Oh my gaw! That's so epic!

Toffee: [Applauding] I think my brain is about to explode!!

Taika: [Yells with frustration] Alright!! [Catches herself and mostly recovers but speaks sarcastically] Those are great safety tips!! But unfortunately, that's all the time we have for today!

Candy: But, I didn't get to tell you about the Soggy Cereal incident!

Frank: It couldn't be as devastating as my story, but please tell it.

Toffee: I want to hear it too, dear!

Candy: [Starts telling her story, which is soon drowned out by the ending theme music] Okay, so~ I was riding a scooter thingy and I had a bowl of milk and cereal in my lap, trying to eat it, you know, but this car, like, totally cut in front of me and...

Taika: [Stomps off stage, alone, before the lights fade out]

#short story #comedy #funny story #interview #spoof

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justanothercinemaniac · 8 years ago

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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #186 - The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: I think so.

Do I remember it: Better than I did the 1st one, which isn’t saying much.

Did I see it in theaters: No

Format: Blu-ray

I nominated the recap for the first Princess Diaries to @princessofsunnydale because she nominated it for my (Re)Watch so I thought I’d do the same for this post. Thanks!

1) I think it was a wildly smart decision to move the setting of this film from San Francisco to Mia’s often spoke of but rarely seen dominion of Genovia. It’s an organic next step to her story. We saw her learn how to be a princess in San Fran, now we see how she actually adapts to her home country (which is a lively character in its own right). The decision to jump ahead five years ahead instead of three (the number of years between releases) I think also is nice. Mia is more comfortable in the agency she gained in the first film, the relationship with her beau Michael is not hanging over her head, it just allows the film to not be dogged down by some plot points from the first film.

2) Sir Fat Louie? Did they knight him? Can you knight a cat?

3) I didn’t remember this line before I put in the movie but I do now.

4) Shonda Rhimes co-authored the story AND wrote the screenplay? Huh.

(I don’t actually watch any Shonda Rhimes shows, now that I think about it.)

5) Chris Pine as Nicholas.

There is a strong initial chemistry Pine has with lead actress Hathaway, allowing the audience to grow invested in their relationship quickly. Even/especially when they’re not getting long, you can just fell the sexual chemistry in the air between them. It’s fun, making the film stronger because of it.

Chris Pine on his own is as charismatic and interesting as ever. In lesser hands the character of Nicholas could be an even bigger jerk and while there are antagonistic qualities to him the audience UNDERSTANDS his motivations. He is trying to honor what he believes his dead father wanted, he believes he’s trying to do what’s best for Genovia. And when he sees he was mistaken, he tries to step aside. There’s a nice honesty to Pine’s performance. He doesn’t play Nicholas as an over the top mustache twirling villain. All in all, Pine does a fine job in this film and helps support it.

6) Except for one black guy, Genovia’s parliament is made up of all white guys saying they don’t want a woman to rule unless she has a man by her side.

I think Queen Clarisse has the perfect response to that.

The law is severely sexist and antiquated. One of the members of parliament claims it should be respected because it is 300 years old. Saying a law is that old is not an effective argument for it as much as it is AGAINST it. 300 years ago in 2004 that’s 1704. That’s slavery, that’s a fundamental lack of women’s rights across most countries. Don’t use the fact a law is old to argue for it. Laws should evolve as the world does.

7) John Rhys Davies is a wonderful character actor who plays Nicholas’ uncle as a holier than thou elitist arrogant jerk. I love to hate him in this, but I might need to watch Lord of the Rings or Raiders of the Lost Ark next to balance out my feelings.

8) Hey guys. Remember that time Catwoman stomped on Captain Kirk’s foot in front of Gimli and Mary Poppins?

I’m sure someone has made this joke before, but still.

9) The last film was largely about Clarisse putting her duty as queen aside to be Mia’s grandmother, a relationship which is as strong in this film as ever.

Clarisse [after Mia stomped on Nicholas’ foot]: “As a grandma I say right on.”

10) Like the first film, this movie’s biggest flaw is definitely pacing. Many scenes serve no purpose for the larger plot and instead distract from the main conflict. But - like with the first film - these scenes are also some of the most memorable. So…I’m not sure what to say then. I’m just going to move on.

11) I dig this.

Matarazzo is a continued treat in this film as she was in the first, stealing a number of scenes and infusing some quality humor into the plot. The way she mixes with Genovian life and culture can lead to some nice fish out of water observations, and Matarazzo plays the role with as much commitment and heart as she did in the first film. God bless Lily.

12) The bachelor selection scene is - by far - one of my favorite moments in the film. It is directly related to the plot and has an incredible amount of humor to it. Also, it’s not nearly as long as I remember.

youtube

For those of you who didn’t watch the clip above (or even if you did), here is my favorite moment from the scene.

(GIFs originally posted by @ezrajamessharkington)

I mean it’s small, but I appreciate that both this film and its predecessor acknowledge the LGBTQIA+ community more than other Disney films did at the time.

13) Callum Blue as Andrew Jacoby.

Much like Michael from the first film, Andrew is able to be a good guy while avoiding the trope of Nice Guy™. There is a respect he has for Mia, an understanding and a fondness. They clearly have a connection and appreciate each other’s company, but it is clear that neither of them love each other. And Andrew does not force this on Mia. He’s pretty much at her service, ready to respect her wishes without being a total pushover. He’s a good guy, someone who could have easily been a jerk or a bully but the fact Mia could plausibly end up with him just ups the stakes.

14) The fan scene is a nice moment of chemistry between Hathaway and Andrews, which (much like in the preceding film) is one of the strongest elements of this movie.

this film one of those moments is when she is reduced to tears because John Rhys Davies spooked her horse and revealed that - SHOCKER - women actually prefer to not ride side saddle. I suppose it’s better that she’s too hard on herself than not hard enough though, as she will be queen.

16) Damn, Joe is a badass.

Mabrey: “Sir, you will find that the word ‘fear’ is not in my vocabulary.”

Joe: “Perhaps. But it’s in your eyes.”

17) Hey look! The foot pop!

18) Okay, Nicholas is being creepy with Mia at the fountain. Yes, they kiss. But then she says no to him. Multiple times, too. Yet he keeps groping at her and chasing her around the fountain until they both fall in. And MIA’S in trouble?

19) The parade.

youtube

By far the strongest moment in the film. It shows off not only the agency Mia gained in the first film (she has the confidence to stop a parade), but also her incredible heart. She shows off such kindness and care for the people of Genovia, accepts her role as a leader, and is able to create a positive change through the sheer depth of her heart. Also, little Abigail Breslin is very cute.

20) Holy crap, Paul Williams is in this movie.

What is this movie?

21) The bridal slumber party is another scene which doesn’t really add to the plot and it goes a little long. BUT - again - it is wildly memorable. Especially seeing Julie Andrews surf on a mattress after giving a wink to her most iconic character.

22) Julie Andrews’ song.

youtube

Julie Andrews underwent surgery in 1997 to treat what she referred to as a muscular striation on her vocal cords. She emerged from the surgery with permanent damage that hurt her singing voice and gave a rasp to her speaking voice (for which she sued the hospital for malpractice two years later). Julie Andrews basically lost her singing voice. Her song “Your Crowning Glory” was the first time she sang on screen since the surgery. Although it was set in a limited range to accommodate her voice, she was reported to have nailed it on the first take and brought tears to the eyes of crew members on set. Raven Symoné - who duets with Andrews on the song - was so moved when she told she’d be singing with the legend that she too was reportedly brought to tears. If for no other reason, I am grateful this movie exists for all of that.

23) Nicholas is very ready to step aside and let Mia rule.

Nicholas [after his uncle notes all their work would be for nothing]: “It wouldn’t be nothing. Genovia would in good hands.”

I love that. I love that he’s true to his beliefs about doing what’s right for Genovia, NOT himself.

24) So there’s a slight bit of foreshadowing here.

Nicholas [at Mia’s window]: “Rapunzel, Rapunzel…”

Chris Pine would later go on to play Cinderella’s Prince in the 2014 film adaptation of Into the Woods, which also featured the characters of Rapunzel and her prince.

25) I’m surprised Paolo’s back. I mean, Larry Miller is great. But didn’t he totally betray the trust of the royal family in the first film? And also, why is he suddenly kinda bad at styling Mia?

26) Bless whoever made this

(I just found this on google. If this is your’s and you want credit let me know and I’ll be happy to give it.)

27) Um, guys…

What the heck is Stan Lee doing in The Princess Diaries 2? Is Mia going to join The Avengers? Is Genovia a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe? What is happening!?

All humor aside, as I understand it Stan Lee will cameo in any movie asked as long as he gets his standard fee. I think he wants to have the record for most cameos ever.

28) I dig it, Andrew.

Andrew [after Mia calls off the wedding]: “Uh…thank you. Thank you for saving me from doing the proper thing for once in my life.”

29) Much like the first film, it is Mia who must take her own fate in her hands. She’s the one who argues against the marriage law, she’s the one who convinces the people and parliament to strike it down (although the Prime Minister is again incredibly supportive and I love that). It’s her taking charge of her life, which I think is absolutely great.

30) I 100% forgot that part of this film ended with Clarisse and Joe getting married. I am very okay with that.

31) OH MY GOD YES! PARLIAMENT IS MORE DIVERSE AT THE END! THERE ARE SO MANY WOMEN AND EVEN WOMEN OF COLOR AND IT’S JUST BEAUTIFUL AND DIVERSE AND I NEED MORE OF IT! THANK YOU!

Like the first film, The Princess Diaries 2 held up surprisingly better than I was expecting. Obviously it’s aimed at a younger audience than me but it was pretty enjoyable. Anne Hathaway is strong as ever, as is Julie Andrews, while Chris Pine is a welcome and fitting addition to the cast. The themes are nicely feminist as is the ending. Overall I just find it an enjoyable film worth the watch.

#The Princess Diaries #Julie Andrews #Anne Hathaway #Chris Pine #Heather Matarazzo #The Princess Diaries 2 #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #John Rhys Davies #Paul Williams #Stan Lee #Abigail Breslin #Boom #I Don't Get It #Movie #Film #GIF

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katesloan · 7 years ago

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2017: the Year of Devastated Bravery

Time for my annual year-end survey! Been doing this one for well over a decade. Previously: 2012, the year of sex-positivity. 2013, the year of self-care. 2014, the year of turning over a new leaf, 2015, the year of foxy femme power, 2016, the year of the staunch heart.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? Rang in the New Year at the home of a local sex-positive community leader with some of my closest pals, and was sent home with Alka-Seltzer tablets for the morning. Interviewed a bunch of matchmakers for a news feature (which sadly has yet to be published, boo). Started writing for Glamour, after their sex & relationships editor reached out to me via Twitter DM. Hired some rad babes to overhaul my blog design for me. Was hired by, and later fired from, two different sex shops (lolol). Had a sex-date in a creepy hotel room in Queens. Got spanked with a hanger rail from said hotel room’s closet. Performed in the Bed Post variety show a couple times. Started inviting guests onto our podcast (Cooper S. Beckett was the first one!). Missed my flight from New York to Toronto and had an anxiety breakdown in the airport. Got published on Teen Vogue. Had our first podcast sponsor. Started banging one of my coworkers (whoops). Did a photoshoot in a dungeon with a beautiful babe. Made out in a heated outdoor swimming pool at a sex club (uh, many times). Got intensely spanked over an acquaintance’s kitchen counter by three people working in tandem. Hooked up with a cute older British man who was visiting on business; he invited me to return to his hotel the following night and bought me sushi and wine on his company card (so fancy). Attended the launch party for a party game I was a staff writer on. Tried having sex with a penis extender. Had a surprisingly fantastic one-night stand with a guy who remembered me from when he was my waiter at a restaurant once. Went on a date with a polyamorous guy whose girlfriend listened to my podcast and told him to ask me out. Got paid to ghostwrite spanking erotica. Celebrated my five-year blogiversary. Went on a couple dates with a cute civil litigation lawyer who was an exceptionally good kisser. Got high with my best friend and did a livestreamed podcast. Was a bridesmaid in the wedding of two of my best friends. Topped my previous monthly income goals, again and again. Turned 25. Attended (and subsequently roasted) the Toronto International Porn Awards. Dated someone (for ~4 months!) who initially knew me from listening to my podcast. Had sex for like 5 hours on a first date. Learned to like some kink acts I’d previously found scary, like choking, face-slapping, and face-fucking. Was in a Daddy Dom/little girl relationship for a while. Attempted non-hierarchical polyamory. Reviewed a vibrating teddy bear. Started a part-time social media job at an adult-industry marketing firm. Took Reid Mihalko’s jealousy workshop. Took a freelance writing class from Alana Massey. Pegged someone. Got my wrists tattooed. Did a live podcast recording at a sex conference in front of friends and fans. Spanked a friend with a bible in a hotel room in Virginia. Got fucked in the ass with a glass dildo by a blogger friend while other blogger friends casually watched. Got a 4-handed erotic massage. Performed blowjob sonnets at a sex club. Went on a date with someone who turned out to be the best friend and roommate of someone I’d gone on a date with the previous month. Unexpectedly made out with/got slapped around by/got fingerbanged by a friend I’d known for over 10 years in an alley behind a restaurant. Moved out of my parents’ place and into an apartment! Had coffee with my editor at the Condé Nast building. Saw the McElroy brothers speak (and Lin-Manuel Miranda open for them) at a live podcast recording. Attended my high school reunion. Did tequila shots with my boss on my first day at a new job. Had an actual goddamn “sugar daddy,” briefly. Sold a sweaty T-shirt and socks to a fetishist. Went to a sex tradeshow with my fuckbuddy. Got spanked with a lightsaber. Slow-danced to a song about impregnation. Got accepted to speak at the Playground Conference. Received a strap-on blowjob from a pretty lady. Had two dates with two Twitter crushes in New York in one day (and then started dating both of them). Made out in a Breather. Did a knifeplay scene. Explored my domme side in earnest. Sexted from a TSA line. Went through NRE with two different people at once (a lot of crying ensued). Got hypnotized. FaceTimed with someone for 8 hours straight.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Last year I resolved to “make self-development and career development my top priorities, to make romantic/sexual decisions based on the maxim ‘quality over quantity,’ and to make more money.” I think doing the first two things is what enabled me to do the third thing (I earned twice as much money in 2017 as in 2016!) – focusing on love and sex only when it actually served me, and delighted me, freed up a lot of time and passionate energy for businessy pursuits. Next year I resolve to pitch more stories, travel more, further foster my friendships with femmes, write more helpful content, and save more money.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not that I can recall.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather, Rex Loring.

5. What countries did you visit? Just the USA (New York in January, September, and December; Alexandria in August). Within Canada, I spent a fair bit of time in Hamilton but was otherwise in Toronto the whole year.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? A specific goal for my savings. Some steps taken toward larger-scale writerly ambitions (like, perhaps, writing a book proposal and/or self-publishing an ebook). Maybe a long-term relationship of some description; I dunno, man.

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory? January 25th – missed my flight back from New York February 10th – met my current FWB (and then, February 13th, banged him for the first time) April 22nd – Eric and Ashley’s wedding April 25th – first date with G, at Tell Me Something Good May 9th/10th – some disastrous poly stuff happened with G June 1st – started at my current dayjob August 3rd-6th – Woodhull August 11th – the hardest breakup I’ve been through in many years September 1st – moving day (and Brent’s show at the Horseshoe) September 8th – live MBMBaM show + coffee with Cady at Condé Nast September 11th – BirthdayBruises November 14th – got fired + talked to Dick a bunch November 29th – Vagic Tricks workshop December 13th – first dates with Dick + my Sir

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Professionally: Made twice as much money as I made last year. My dayjob remained under 25% of my income, with the other 75% coming from my more creative and self-directed income streams. Had clips in two prominent Condé Nast publications (Teen Vogue online, and Glamour online and in print). Sold 27+ sponsored blog posts. Personally: Made it through a horrendous breakup without dying. Got better at setting boundaries within my friendships and relationships. Successfully prioritized relationships and friendships with people who treat me well and actually deserve to be in my life.

9. What was your biggest failure? Putting up with men who walked all over me. (I feel like this is a recurring motif in my life, and in the lives of most women and femmes, honestly…) I also got fired from two different jobs this year. In both cases, they were minimum-wage jobs I didn’t really care about, wasn't well-suited for, and didn’t actually need, but still...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not really. I had the flu in September and struggled with mental health stuff all year, particularly in January and August, but was mostly fine.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Several things: My bright turquoise Coach tote, which I carried with me on numerous trips, sex-dates, photoshoots, etc. An app called Piezo which I use all the time for Skype interviews/podcast thingz. My knee-high Frye engineer boots (swoon) and rainbow glitter Doc Martens (swooooon). The V10 brush from BH Cosmetics (sooo useful for my brows on a daily basis!). Two Tarina Tarantino heart necklaces. A new mirror for my new apartment. Several adorable H&M dresses. My turquoise Seven-Year Pen. Lots of knitwear. A new Kindle. Weed. A microwave.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? My best friend Bex, and my family. (Hell, Bex is family at this point.) My close and supportive buddies Sarah, Suz, Dan, Tynan, Taylor, and Steph. The 4 boys with whom I am romantically/sexually entangled right now (gems, all of ‘em!).

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? The boy who broke my heart, and lots of Men On The Internet. Same old.

14. Where did most of your money go? Other than boring answers like rent and transit? Food and drinks, probably. I was more gluttonous than materialistic this year. I also spent a good chunk o’ change on tickets to things: theatre, airfare, classes, concerts, comedy, live podcast recordings...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Working with Glamour and Teen Vogue. The Adventure Zone and other McElroy content. Hitting income goals (seriously, I’m talking about money more often than boys in my journals recently, which is a FEAT). Hippo Campus and Nathan Stocker. Working on ye olde blog and podcast, as ever. Negotiating/exploring new kink stuff.

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2017? First and foremost, Hippo Campus’ album Landmark, which I thrashed for almost the entire year. Related: their Warm Glow EP, and anything from their guitarist Nathan Stocker’s solo project Brother Kenzie. Beyond that: Coin’s How Will You Know If You Never Try?, Pinegrove’s Cardinal (which I listened to pretty much on loop while recovering from my brutal breakup in August), Grouplove’s “Do You Love Someone?”, Vampire Weekend’s “Horchata,” Panama Wedding’s “Uma,” Bombay Bicycle Club’s “Cancel On Me,” Betti’s “Ordinary,” Saint Motel’s “Puzzle Pieces.”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? Happier. My heart got thoroughly broken this year but I feel stronger and more self-sufficient for it. thinner or fatter? A bit thinner. Who cares. richer or poorer? Soooo much richer. Your girl made some goooood biz decisions this year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Last year I wrote that I wished I’d gone on dates with more people, and woof, I sure met that goal in 2017. I went on 12 first dates, which is more than enough, thank you very much. I wish I’d spent more time chasing my creative impulses than my romantic or sexual ones. Although the latter kind of fueled the former for me, this year and every year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Thinking “I can and will put up with this [bad behavior/uncomfortable circumstance/shitty job]” when I couldn’t and shouldn’t have. Being depressed, but hey, what can ya do.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it exchanging presents and eating delicious meals with my family.

21. Who did you spend the most time talking to? Bex, Max, Brent, Sarah, my FWB, my two current long-distance beaux, and the dude who was my boyfriend for a bit.

22. Did you fall in love in 2017? Yeah, and I’m still pissed about it. Love is pain!! [tosses hair in the manner of a tortured goth]

23. How many one night stands in this last year? Two true one-night stands (defined as: we had sex the night we met, and never saw each other again), plus one additional person I had sex with only once but went on a second date with afterward.

24. What was your favourite TV programme? American Horror Story, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Bold Type.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I’m not thrilled with the guy who broke my heart, but I wouldn’t say that I hate him; that would involve more energy than I am willing or able to give to his memory at this juncture...

26. What was the best book you read? Fiction: I loved The Killer Wore Leather (Laura Antoniou’s murder-mystery set at a kink convention), Perfume: the Story of a Murderer (a truly haunting and viscerally olfactory novel by Patrick Suskind), and Sleeping Beauties (the creepy “what if every woman on earth fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up?” novel co-written by Stephen King and his son). Nonfiction: Laurie Mintz’s Becoming Cliterate was eye-opening, inspirational and fresh. Lisa A. Phillips’ Unrequited blew my fucking mind. I recently devoured Rachel Hills’ The Sex Myth and it’s wonderful.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I listened to a bit of Pinegrove last year because Sean recommended them on his blog, but it wasn’t until this year that I really got into them. I started inexplicably craving their music after I got my heart broken and it made me feel weirdly better for weeks afterward.

28. What did you want and get? A boyfriend/partner/daddy dom (though it didn’t last very long). More money than I have ever made before. Career expansion. Closer friendships. An invitation to do a live podcast recording at a conference. An apartment, with a rad roommate. More confidence and self-sufficiency. Interesting kink adventures.

29. What did you want and not get? A romantic relationship that was actually and enduringly satisfying to me in the ways that most matter to me. I feel like I write some variation on this here every year. It’s okay. It’ll happen when it happens. Also, I wanted to do a writing retreat and that didn’t happen, though I’m blessed enough that I take little mini writing retreats of sorts all the time anyway.

30. What was your favourite film of this year? I think the only new ones I saw were Wonder Woman, The Big Sick, and It, none of which I really loved that much. It wasn’t a big film year for me.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 25. At midnight I was in bed in a hotel in Hamilton, having been in the wedding of two of my best friends the day previous. I had invited a gentleman friend to come romance me in my hotel that night but he was sick and had to cancel, so I just spent the night in a hot bath and then cozy in bed. The morning of my birthday, I checked out of the hotel and took a bus back to Toronto. That evening, Bex and I got dressed up fancy, went for dinner at the Black Bull Tavern, and attended the Toronto International Porn Festival awards gala, which was a hot mess.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I can’t even think of anything. It was a satisfying year for me in many ways.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Low-effort femme. Lots of cozy colorful sweaters, denim shorts, stompy boots, crop tops, big hair, and kneesocks.

34. What kept you sane? My friends, my family, therapy, journaling, sex/kink/masturbation, my work, quiet introvert self-dates at bars/diners/cafés, hot baths,

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Nathan Stocker, Andy Samberg, Mark Andrada, Dan McCoy...

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Civil rights stuff, same as always. Gender equality and sexual equality and racial equality and all the equalities, basically.

37. Who did you miss? The two New York boys I’m currently romancin’, and Bex, pretty much always. And my ex, for a time.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Jordan, Adam, Thane, Cady, Logan (and several other babely bloggers at Woodhull), Todd, Dick, Matt, Eva...

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. Even people who claim they will never hurt you can hurt you. That’s depressing, but it’s also somewhat Zen, because if you deeply, truly know that anyone can hurt you at any time, you come to enjoy the non-hurting parts so much more while they’re happening. Again, this sounds super tragic but I actually find it so liberating and uplifting when I think about it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “Menfolk, they need their women, but women don’t need their men.” -Nellie McKay, “Just a Pose” “Maybe I would’ve been something you’d be good at. Maybe you would’ve been something I’d be good at.” -Tegan and Sara, “Call It Off” “It’s cold outside this evening, but warm between your sheets. We both wanted something we’re not likely to repeat.” -Paul Cook & the Chronicles, “Ships Pass” “Someone to talk to late at night. Someone who fits you right… Someone who makes your heart go boom boom boom. Someone you see across a crowded room. Someone who makes your heart jolt. Not some okay girl. A real thunderbolt.” -Paul Cook & the Chronicles, “A Real Thunderbolt” (I could’ve quoted this entire song here, honestly)

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mrknucklesmcchucklehead-blog · 8 years ago

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I was 35 when I discovered I'm on the autism spectrum. Here's how it changed my life. by Zack Smith on January 29, 2016

"Do you hate crowds, especially at supermarkets and restaurants?" I avoided eye contact, which I knew I wasn't supposed to do. "Yes." If Dr. P. noticed, she was too busy looking at the questionnaire to let on. "Do you tend to repeat heard words, parts of words, or TV commercials?" I immediately flashed back to middle school, randomly repeating such phrases from TV as, "I don't think so, Tim," from Home Improvement. I was tempted to respond that way this time. Instead, I just replied with another, "Yes." "Do you have trouble sustaining conversations?" "Yes." "Is your voice often louder than the situation requires?" "Yes." "Do you find yourself resistant to change?" "Yes." "Do you have restricted interests, like watching the same video over and over?" "Yes." "Did you start reading and/or memorizing books at an early age?" Eye contact suddenly became much, much easier. "Wait — isn't that a good thing?" "It is. But did you do that?" I went back to boring a hole in the carpet with my eyes. "Yes." "Have you ever picked up and smelled random objects, like toys when you were younger?" "That's a sign?" "Sometimes. Did you do that?" "...yes." I wanted to puke. After a few more questions, she did some totaling. "Well," she finally said, "it's likely you have ADHD and social anxiety disorder, and you're on the autism spectrum." I slumped back into the overstuffed chair. "Great," I said. "Triple threat." I was 35 years old. There are, according to the Autism Society of America, 3.5 million Americans with autism spectrum disorder, approximately one in every 68 births. Based on reports compiled by the Society, the prevalence of autism has increased 119.4 percent just from 2010 to 2014. Courtesy of Lydia Brown and the Autism Self-Advocacy Network We’ve called autism a disease for decades. We were wrong. The research linking autism to vaccines is even more bogus than you think The errors — and revelations — in two major new books about autism It's not that more autistic people were suddenly being born. It's that doctors knew what to look for. A Danish study published in January 2015 suggests that diagnoses of autism are more frequent because of a broadening of diagnostic criteria over the years, meaning there could be generations of people with autism spectrum disorder who were never diagnosed. I knew, on some level, that I was autistic by the time I was in fifth grade. It wasn't because of Oscar winner and box office sensation Rain Man, which I was too young for; it was, of all things, a Baby-Sitters Club book called Kristy and the Secret of Susan, where one of the babysitters tends to an autistic girl. I don't recall all the details, but I do remember reading the book and asking my mom if I was like this, if it was why I needed "curriculum assistance" classes or why I'd been pulled from preschool and sent to "Project Enlightenment," an ultra-structured children's program downtown. Mom assured me I was not like that. Susan never spoke, and that wasn't me, was it? I moved on. I was already neurotic about reading "girls' books." By the time I reached college in the late 1990s, a new term had become a buzzword: Asperger's syndrome. I wondered if that was what I had. It explained so much — the obsessive memorizing of TV show trivia, the absolute discomfort at bars, clubs, and parties, the way I'd tune out most classes or social situations. Again, I was assured by my parents and friends who knew people with autism — that wasn't me. I had empathy! And I was doing well in school, I just needed to relax a little. In retrospect, they seemed more worried about how worked up I was over this than the possibility of an actual diagnosis. There's a stigma attached to autism that leads many families to avoid a diagnosis. But in attempting to diagnose yourself, it can feel like the things that make you unique are aspects of some sort of affliction, one that is permanent and incurable. A few years later, a good friend of mine was diagnosed with Asperger's. Then he told me he thought I exhibited some symptoms as well. I freaked. I had finally started to feel "normal." I had a job, I was finally comfortable with things like driving and calling up strangers for interviews — I was just a "late bloomer!" I broke down and told him I still cared about him, that I didn't see him differently, but that I didn't have what he had! I was finally growing up, I said. I didn't have some incurable disorder that separated me from everyone else. But I worried. Friends didn't quite know what to say when I brought up the possibility, often in tears and just short of hysterics. "You're just you," they'd say. Mom and Dad were practical: "Well, what if you are? What good does it do you to put a label on yourself?" They weren't being mean. They reminded me, over and over, that I was "doing well." They'd already seen me fall into periods of depression and nonproductivity when I was out of school and out of work, and didn't want me to return to that place. I'd pulled myself out of those spirals before they became too serious. But if a doctor told me I'd never be "normal," that my strangeness was something pathological, would that be the excuse I needed to turn into a complete lump? I was just one of those people who did "better" when I was busy, when I had structure. I just needed motivation. That was all. Eight more years passed. Asperger's became a fear, a phantom, and most of all an excuse. The idea that I might have this "condition" lurked in my mind. It was why I messed up, the nuclear option. If someone got upset with me because I didn't understand something or missed some hints they were trying to give me, I had, "Uh, I might have Asperger's" ready. It broke up at least one relationship. It prevented several more from happening. I was in a strange place. By that time, I'd made good connections — even friendships — with a wide variety of creative people. But other parts of my life felt paralyzed. My creative work was stalling. Setting and keeping any kind of schedule for myself resulted in overstuffed calendars and quick burnout. There were all the times I'd walk away from an encounter with someone new with the overwhelming feeling I'd done something wrong and had no idea what it was. If someone did get mad at me, I'd obsess over it, frozen in a moment of shame and self-hatred long after the other person had let it go. If I could succeed without the pills, that was proof that I'd "won"I considered therapy. But good cognitive therapists were expensive, and it seemed wasteful to potentially drain what little money I'd saved trying to quell what I told myself were such minor neuroses. Surely I could just power through my own problems. In the past, times like these usually ended when I had enough work — school, employment, personal projects — to keep my mind busy, unable to obsess over small things and let myself get "nibbled to death by ducks," as one editor put it. Ultimately, I persuaded my doctor to prescribe me some generic Zoloft. My parents were terrified I was going to have the miscellaneous "suicidal thoughts" the prescription warned about. I didn't, but it was a mixed bag. On the one hand, I felt a bit calmer and had more luck with work and dating. On the other hand, I still faced problems with depression, falling asleep in the middle of the day, keeping an irregular schedule. I'd been dieting for the past year and change, but now I had trouble taking and keeping weight off. Worst of all was that I couldn't feel excited on almost any level — I'd sit through TV shows and movies like a stone. I rarely felt attracted to girls. When I kissed one, it was like kissing my own hand. There was no sensation, just motions. Zoloft, it seemed, could get me a second date but didn't make me a lot of fun on the third. I started skipping pills or going off my prescription for a while entirely, saving a month's refill so I could use it if I knew I had a stressful period coming up. Inside my brain, the relief at not having to face "judgment" was twisted up with self-hatred and fear, along with a perverse sense of defiance. If I could succeed without the pills, that was proof that I'd "won." When I went off the stuff, it felt like second puberty — I'd go from clean-shaven to Wolfman Jack in a week. I felt excited again. I also felt like I was on a toboggan, headed down a snowy hill, accelerating faster and faster toward a brick wall. And I couldn't get off, because I liked the feel of the rush. Cleaning out my email folder, or seeing old social media posts on Timehop, it's amazing how many times I made the same complaint over and over: I needed to get something finished, or I needed a new project. I needed to get out of the house more, to spend more time around people, to stop being so hard on myself. Something needed to change in my life, or I needed to change in some way. I said so over and over, but I didn't know how. 10 things I want to teach my autistic son before he goes to college In January 2015, I started what I knew was going to be a stressful period. I was teaching a volunteer course for retirees once a week, taking a graduate course twice a week, and taking shifts at a used toy shop other days of the week, on top of my freelance writing and creative work. It was a lot, but I knew I could handle it. It took exactly two weeks for it all to collapse. Exactly one year ago today, I showed up for a shift at the used toy shop and was promptly fired. I'd been there two years, I was told, and still had no sense of what to do when they didn't explicitly tell me. I had all these other gigs writing and teaching, they said, and this clearly wasn't a priority. Worst of all, customers had complained: They preferred not to come in when I was behind the counter, ready to chat their heads off. Fridays, when I worked, used to guarantee the company a few hundred dollars of retail at least, and now there were records of multiple Fridays with no sales at all. I was costing my boss money because people didn't want to be around me. I'd failed at what was a fairly easy job because I was me. Because I wasn't fit to be around other people. My parents were due to arrive for a visit in two hours. I went home and felt all the symptoms that had hit me in the past take over: crying jags, nausea, coughing fits. I knew I wasn't sick; these symptoms were all in my head. But I didn't know how to turn them off. When my mom and dad arrived, they were understanding. But I told them I couldn't go on like this. I needed to get therapy and get on medication again, this time prescribed by a mental health professional. Research was done. Dr. P. was recommended as a specialist in the area, good at diagnosing spectrum disorders and helping people organize their lives. A few weeks later, I was answering questions about whether I picked up and smelled toys as a child. Decades after I'd begun diagnosing myself, it was official. But somehow I didn't feel "labeled." That sense that I was "wrong," that I was somehow deficient, wasn't there anymore. Instead, I finally understood the areas where I had problems, and why I had those problems. Now I could work on them. The psychiatrist Dr. P. sent me to said that we could try Strattera, the ADD medication I'd attempted in college, in conjunction with Prozac. Tony Soprano and "Here comes the Pro-Zack" jokes flashed through my head. The insurance company rejected Strattera, but they told the psychiatrist I could do Adderall and see if it worked. "If you have a bad reaction, we can apply for Strattera again!" the psychiatrist said, cheerful. It was a lovely thing to know I was taking a medication with the expectation that I would have a bad reaction to it, but it turned out I didn't. I could listen without feeling an absolute, overwhelming need to blurt something outThe first month was rough. I'd wake up throughout the night, an odd change from wanting to sleep all day. Instead of eating whenever I got stressed or anxious, I wasn't hungry, something I wouldn't realize until early afternoon, when the dizzy spells kicked in. For the first time in who knows how long, I found myself doing things like getting up at the same time every day and eating breakfast. Weird. Other things stuck around. The nervous coughing fits I developed with my firing continued, but a friend noted that they seemed to vanish when something held my attention. When they happened again, I'd find something to focus on, like a song or a TV show or something to read. Eventually they vanished, and when I would cough nervously about something I found I could overcome it right away. Little things became easier, too. Arguments with other people didn't stay in my head months after the issue had been resolved, reminders that I could push other people away. I started dating more, and if it didn't work out, I was able to move on with some new understanding. Errands were done. Garbage got taken out. Annoying forms were filled out, instead of lingering on my desk for months. If I had a weekend with some downtime, I felt an actual compulsion to leave the house or call a friend, instead of simply sitting around. Within a few months, I realized that while I still didn't feel the excitement I could with no medication, I could still enjoy things. I could follow the plots of movies and TV more easily, and when other people spoke, I could listen without feeling an absolute, overwhelming need to blurt something out. I asked Dr. P. what this feeling was. She said I was "content." I kind of liked that. The strangest part of all this has been that being honest about my autism has left other people unfazed. It'd come up, probably because I found some excuse in the conversation to mention it ("Oh, I know what you mean about hating small talk. I'm a little on the spectrum, so..."), and there'd barely be a reaction. I'd watch people's faces. No surprise. No discomfort. And the conversation would go on. Admitting that there were things I didn't understand somehow created a new common ground. No one fully understands everyone else, or the world around them. Many people try to do what I did and "power through" this with false confidence and assertiveness. Sometimes it works. But to know you have a weakness, to acknowledge it, and to treat it as a "what the hell" thing —that's almost more powerful. For most of my life, I'd been afraid discovering I was on the spectrum meant I was cut off from being able to maintain friendships, professional contacts, a romantic connection. It was the wall I was always afraid I was headed toward. But the real wall was my fear, of facing not what I was but who I was. And my parents had been right — I was doing well before. I just needed to find a way to let myself enjoy my successes and build upon them, instead of feeling like defeat was inevitable. In the end, 2015 was perhaps the best year of my life. It wasn't the major stuff — the new job I got teaching, getting accepted full time into the graduate program — it was just that I was able to feel a sense of momentum, of moving forward. Part of me wishes I'd had this happen a decade before. But the experiences I had without therapy and medication helped prepare me for the setbacks I faced, and granted me the maturity to face them. My story isn't typical. The autism spectrum is a broad and constantly redefined place, a frontier of the mind that's still mostly wilderness. The revised definitions of it in the DSM-5just a few years ago are still controversial — it's both easier to diagnose aspects of the spectrum in people and more difficult to determine if a formal diagnosis is necessary, if it's even a "problem." In my experiences I had the benefit of privilege, and of personal choice. No one forced me to get diagnosed or to take medication. I simply reached a point in my life where I felt like I could become a better version of myself if I confronted the areas of my life that seemed to hold me back. I can't say that my life is perfect. I have a great deal I need to accomplish in terms of better dieting, regular exercise, and being more productive in my writing. Some anxieties still hijack my brain, and dating and relationships remain, as they do for most single people, confusing. But I feel like I've learned. And I'm still learning. Learning is all about realizing possibilities in the world around you, and right now those possibilities seem extraordinary. In August 2015, Dr. P explained, slowly and with caution, that she was moving out of state to join a new practice and to be closer to family, so I'd need to change therapists, and that she'd help with the transition. She was relieved when my main reaction was to tell her I understood and congratulate her on the new opportunity. She called me a "success story." "A few months ago, you might have felt ... destroyed by upheaval," she said. "Things change," I replied, and I meant it.

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