#... idk which continuity theyd be in if any tbh

[scatterpatter]

I'd like to personally thank the Aligned Continuity of TF for not only indulging my silly what-ifs but having actual canon content of exactly what I had in mind

Like

Okay so I was sitting here like "Hehe what if I made a transformers OC" and then "Hmmm what would their alt mode be? I love love love trains but there isn't any particular model I had in mind. ... Haha what if I had an OC that transformed into a cyber dragon"

And at first I felt silly because yknow most Transformers transform into vehicles. And then I thought "Hey I mean they turns into animals in Beast Wars and Beast Machines right?" And then I realized "Well Skylynx exists and the Dinobots and in TFE they can take non-vehicle alt modes so like surely being a dragon can't be THAT farfetched right?"

AND THEN I looked into TF Wiki for info about Skylynx as a starting point and LO AND BEHOLD I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE PREDACONS IN THE ALIGNED CONTINUITY. LITERALLY AN ENTIRE RACE OF CYBERTRONIANS THAT HAVE DRACONIC ALT MODES. MY GOODNESS.

So I'm already having a good time. But I also realize it's like- they're kind of an extinct-but-not-really species that only really exist from being CNA clones thanks to Shockwave. Cool and all, but I started wondering.

So I started playing with the idea that like. Idk. Maybe this theoretical OC of mine was originally a different type of bot (maybe a Seeker? I like flying bois) and then got experimented on in some way shape or form to become more Predacon-esque, not unlike how Blitzwing became a Triple-Changer nor how the Jettwins became Seekers in Animated. So I was content with that. AND THEN I FOUND OUT THERE ARE LITERAL CANONICAL CHARACTERS IN THE ALIGNED CONTINUITY THAT ARE BOTS THAT GOT EXPERIMENTED ON WITH PREDACON CNA. ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL.

Getting into this fandom was a MISTAKE they just indulge me on everything I could ever want

[raisinushigher]

hi im just gonna put my thoughts on every clone high ship i can think of here

jfgogh - i think its cute. i can definitely see jfk like uplifting gogh and him falling in love over like the most basic display of kindness and jfk just being like “haha woah there guy i didnt mean it like that” but then he realises he Does

gogh x gandhi - LOTS of mixed feelings on this one but it is pretty interesting truth be told. like, the way gogh didnt just sit back and take what gandhi did to him and instead retaliated, i like that, i like the thought of two tiny guys having the most unnecessarily intense rivalry ever, but i know that isn’t really the way the ship is portrayed often rather than wholesome stuff . you interpret ships however you want though

gfk i think is the name for it - im so sorry as a gandhabe connoisseur i know how annoying it is when people say this about a ship that absolutely entraps you but i think jfk and gandhi are more accurate together as just silly friends who see eachother like once a month. jfk casually brings up a girl hes dating (or rather just having sex with frequently) and gandhi is like wait what happened to the other one? like hes very out of the loop but he listens and they both hype eachother up a lot

ceasgogh, gogh x christo, ceaser x christo, whether it’s any of those seperately or polyamory - i love this one so very much for literally no reason. maybe its like a nostalgia thing cuz i remember people talking about them sometimes in 2020 and being like Aw that’s cute but idk something about them feels so like. objectively correct. like yep that’s the little background trio standing together in an episode as they should be

abefk i think - i like it!! even though it’s barely known apart from jokingly i really like the classic 2000s rivalry between a nice boy and an asshole jock thing that was going on between them before ponce’s death, i admit i miss their interactions. i miss how theyd refer to eachother with their last names. also the part in season 2 episode 6 where they both were recalling memories of the grassy knoll and abe went “i used to get food thrown at me” and jfk continued “i used to be the one throwing that food”. i like them

joanabe - i know this one is like barely a ship but i still need to talk about them badly. their friendship is so important to me. the way its always been them whether it’s joan crushing on abe or the other way around, they’re just so special to eachother in any and every way, and both struggle with the choice of helping the other or doing things that hurt the other but ultimately raise their chances of getting together. tbh im so interested in whats gonna happen with them in the finale, and in the next seasons bc i doubt their back and forth crush thing is gonna last the ENTIRE show like itll be getting a new sort of premise or main character focus which im excited for

joanfk - some of the fanart is absolutely adorable COUGH COUGH ORT SMORT COUG but its just not for me man. biggest two factors as to why i dislike it being how it overtook the fandom, and how to me they just never had any substance. they have a fun dynamic and the season 1 finale was sweet but idk it just never affected me that much. also bc i always knew it was gonna crash and burn. like that is not a stable couple as cute as it is sometimes. like at all. and im happy episode 7 finally addressed it

abe x cleo - again, not really a fondly talked about ship, but they are pretty dear to me. it’s the way cleo was clearly playing with abe at the start but actually saw the charm in him and was actually upset when he finally digested his feelings for joan… i really hope they’re gonna be good friends in the future bc episode 7 seemed to be sort of a start for that friendship and them learning to be ok around eachother after the finale…

joan x cleo - ive always been scared to talk about this one bc some people see them as sisters, which i Really dont. they never acted in a sisterly way at all, and the living together thing lasted for like what. one episode. so i doubt it had any affect on how they view their relationship. but again absolutely fair if it makes you uncomfortable for this reason! but yeah i do like them. very very good trope and there can be some really cute stuff done with them dynamic wise

gandhabe my heart and soul my romeo and juliet my sun and moon my red and blue - AUGHGGGGG MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE. EVER. IN THE WHOLE SHOW FOR EVER they just have such sweet interactions and everything they do they do with the other in mind and i want them to have an emotional reunion in the season 3 finale sO SHRGFRHRVRRRRR RR RBR R R R. RR R. sorry this is mostly incoherent screaming rather than actual words I just DUCIGJGN LVOE GANDHABEEEEE EEYEHEEE THEYRE END GAME!! THEY ARE END GAME WHETHER ITS AS FRIENDS OR ROMANTICALLY RHEY ARE THE ONES

ok now onto the ones involving the new gen clones

harriucius - i like them its the second het ship in the show ive ever actually liked!! they just both go so well in so many ways, they both have almost the exact same struggles and cope in similar ways, but harriet has more of a hands on attitude with her problems, while confucius tends to avoid things. im VERY interested in how their relationship will go and i dont really think anything’s gonna happen to them bc i cant picture the show pairing either of them up with anyone else (mostly confucius tbh 😭)

joanharriet - i WISH this one was more acknowledged by the fandom like i think its the least popular one at least involving the newbies.. can you tell im a sucker for ships that are literally just two close friends who love eachother more than anything. lol. when i think of them i think of episode 5 which makes me extremely happy. like look me in the eyes and tell me that was not an absolutely beautiful wonderfully wrapped episode

johnfucius - gonna be honest i dont like this one. i know this is a really rich thing to say while talking about clone high season 2 but it just felt rushed, and especially with how they barely did anything after sleepover. like they were literally crying both of them being like OMG I FINALLY HAVE A FRIEND!! and then they proceed to have the most stale interactions with the most notable one being in the next episode and it’s literally just confucius encouraging jfk to avoid his problems like he does. not really good. but again if you enjoy them all the power to you, im happy you found something you like that hasn’t been ruined and seems pretty docile and chill compared to all the other ones :o) it’s very much a mostly fandom based ship

kahlopatra - BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL. I HAVE NO WORDS JUST BEAUTIFUL. there definitely was a lack of suspense like based off the intro and the slight buildup throughout the series BUT that literally doesn’t matter. out of every canon couple they are the absolute cutest im obsessed with the effect they have on eachother. especially on cleos side of things like ahhh!!!! she found someone she actually connects to genuinely!!!! i am so happy for her!!!!!!

tophucius - not much about this one its just pretty fun and silly . i feel bad for the people who thought something big was gonna be going on w them but the small details peppered in about them in sleepover were nice. i always liked how when confucius saw that topher typed your instead of you’re, he went “i thought so” like to me that confirms they do this all the time and they know it’s them. also really funny to imagine them being sworn enemies online but when they actually see eachother in school theyre Like oh shit hey man what’s up! hope youre well! like not even through gritted teeth or anything they’re just so chill irl for no reason

abetoph - Sigh i sure did save this one for last. while im a lot less comfortable with it now i still love thinking of them pre episode 8 and i do think their relationship is just ever so slightly more interesting now with the added double crossing n shit added to it. but im also sad they’ll never be the way they were may 24th to june 14th again . that specific time period of them is so comforting to me for no reason, all the memes and running jokes in the fandom involving them, all the wholesome fan work of them sleeping in tophers bed, watching stuff on tophers computer together, abe being tophers voice of the reason and the one person he actually likes, it’s just so … man. We Could Have Had It All. i love them for ever.

thank you so much for listening

[chubearr]

MY JWCC S5 REVIEW ♡ SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

》 you have been warned ⚠️

》 to start off, WHAT A RIDE THIS SEASON WAS!!! theres lots of opinions, like the finale pacing etc, but tbh; with 12 episodes i think they did pretty well ending the show with the time they had! to me personally it didnt feel rushed at all, i actually wanted everything to pick up the pace so the kids could be happy and safe again 😭 with that out of the way, lets get to it!

》story & mr.kon

- s5 continues off right from the end of the previous season, where the camp fam meet Mr. Daniel Kon, Kenji's father!!!

- right off the bat mr.kon seems pretty trusting and relieved to see his son, but theres still hesitancy to trust him from the kids and quite frankly, the fandom as well. the kids out kash on all of his BS and mrkon rightfully so punishes him, and gets the kids to safety with food and SHOWERSSSS YESSSSS THEY CAN FINALLY SHOWER!! (kenji shaved and also brooklyn redyed her hair idk how) but at what cost.... its just too good to be true! ep1 is pretty tame, it gives the kids a break FINALLY and mae gets patched up!

- the story from then on goes to the kids doing their thing, sussing mr.kon out, rightfully so, while being torn on breaking kenjis heart abt the truth abt his dad and saving dinos, usual jwcc shenanigans ensue.

- I THINK MRKON WAS WELL DONE. his manipulation game is off the charts and he knows how to act fr, the way he can flip sides when hearing things he does not like in a second, he does it to kenji too. and hes not unhinged like kash, mr.kon IS the mastermind, hes very smart and knows how to manipulate kenji— its so heart breaking. in my s5 predictions post i said it could go two ways; mr.kon as an ally to the kids against kash, or mr.kon being the real enemy. LOOKS LIKE THE LATTER...

- my only gripe is i wish they showed more abt how mr.kon got this way— like was it the mothers death, or is it a trait that got passed down by his own father, or is it just simply greed?? who knows. its never really answered if he does care for his son or not? to me i think it was just convenient at the time for kenji to be around— i didnt see any signs mrkon ever showed affection for kenji when it didnt benefit him 😭😭 which is DEVASTATING. mrkon was out of the parenthood game fr...

- as usual, all the adults die fr but theyre badguys and death-by-dino is sick asf so i love it! EVEN KASH GOT GOT and that was sooo satisfying. mae was safe tho and as she should!!

- ok so apart of me really wanted mr.kon to get a redemption arc or smth— like a bigger bad makes him ally with the kids and he really bonds with kenji.. but then kash dies so im like "WELL there goes that possibility" and then i had hope for the investors to turn on mr.kon— nope they all died except for the lady IN WHICH the antagonist from jw:dominion comes in (the guy who runs biosyn i forgot his name) but then obv cant be possible bc they cant kill him off since he has to appear in his own movie... IN THE END, no redemption for mr.kon and fine. thats fine im fine.

- OK ill be honest MR.KON IS KINDA.. BAD OK? LIKE.. 😳 HELP  IM SORRYYYY its just the way he grabbed kash by his the back of his neck and was "go back to whatever hole u came from" IT MADE ME FEEL SMTH A LITTLE OK.. he lookin for a stepmom for kenji or... 🤭.... IM SORRY HES AN ATTRACTIVE SINGLE DAD ALSO A VILLAIN, WHAT DO U WANT FROM ME 😭😭 i was taking notes while watching the season and if you see them its just me simping for mr.kon HELp

- ok ANYWAY the fact that he was legit willing to let the kids die and even LET DARIUS GET KILLED in front of kenji i knew... it was over..

- final confrontation between kenji and mrkon was sad😭 HE LEGIT JUST LEFT HIS SON ON AN ISLAND THAT HE BELIEVED WAS GONNA GO TO SHIT... apart of me wants to be like "oh he probably thought kenji was better off with them" but its pretty much apparent ig that he does not give a shit abt kenji— which is why i wish theyd spent some time showing kenjis history w/him bc we know mrkon was not present most of his life, but there SEEMED to be something more. oh well. bye bye mrkon!! AND HE GETS ARRESTED OFFSCREEN TOO, which is just sad for kenji 😭

- THE LAST EPISODE is absolutely my favorite and the ENDING is amazing ill tell u why in a sec just u wait!!

》kenji vs campfam

- ill say it again KENJI IN A SUIT AND BETRAYAL I FORSEENT ITTTTT

- to start off I THINK BOTH SIDES HAD THEIR FAULTS AND RIGHTS BUT ohh my godd kenji deserved a break ok.. i may be biased bc he is my favorite son

- IT WAS SO OBVIOUS HE WAS MANIPULATED and has daddy issues, and im so glad brooklyn saw that. I WAS PISSED that no one else did, like ur telling me ben and yas couldnt see it? i think they were a bit dramatic on their hatred for kenji but ig its understandable bc out of everyone they arent that close w/ him....  BUT STILL. messy.

- I WAS SO PISSED AT SAMMY AT FIRST FOR BEING INDECISIVE bc shes torn between her bestie kenji, and her other besties+yasmina. tho i do believe she never blamed kenji by the way their reunion went (she was just happy he was back w/them) so ill give her a pass.

- IM CONFLICTED ABT DARIUS bc i thought originally he was just too heartbroken abt kenji yet hes not used to talking abt his feelings hence needing the dinosaur interaction. but he just said he didnt care??? like bro... why r u lyin.

- darius at least shouldve stepped up a little bc other than brooklyn, he knows kenji had issues with his dad... oh well.. dino lovers are crazzzzy

- im at least glad he was the one who stayed mad at kenji for the longest #payback my broken boys... BUT it paid off when darius forgave kenji THEY BOTH CRIED?! i cried. it was so sweet and idc if anyone thinks "kenji was forgiven too early and it was rushed", bc truth is hes a kid with dad issues and the others are kids and they are family and they! need! each other!!

》yasammy (& kenlynn)

- CAN I JUST SAY LETS TAKE THIS W YASAMMY FANSS YESSSSSSSSS  also BISEXUAL YAS RIGHTS?!?! sammy is the lesbian this is so true

- yasminas whole crush arc was just adorable and so fitting for her to open up to ben 😭 bc ben is like so chill right

- i like how they didnt make it a big deal, it was just abt yasmina figuring herself out and when she made her move, IT WAS REWARDING!! i screamed at the kiss... they r so adorable.. silly gfs 💖

- im so glad they didnt shy away from shoving it in our faces bc THOSE GIRLS DESERVE ITTTT FRRR,, THE KISS!!! THE KISSSSSSSSS

- as equally cute as kenlynn, they both have equal screentime which was a blessing!

- kenlynn pained me so bad when brooklyn was broken abt kenji 😭 its what i love, angst, but gdi i wish she held on a little longer but understandble bc kenji was kinda wack himself for staying with his dad that long...

- THE DATE THING WAS SO CUTE KENJI IS SO SOFT, ,HIS SUIT AND THE FLOWER.. I SCREAMED!!

- AND YET IT WAS HEARTBREAKING...he got stood up... smh... its fine.. it all got healed when he gave her the flower fr <3

- THE LAST EP KISS... i cried and threw up i love my kids... HOW COULD U HATE THEM THEYRE SO SOFT AND SWEET im holding them both in my arms 💖💖

》timeskip

- THIS WAS THE ABSOLUTE BEST PART. WHEN OLDER DARIUS SHOWED ON THE SCREAM I YELLED (INAUDIBLY BC IT WAS 4AM)

- THIS IS LEGIT ALL I WANTED, A TIMESKIP TO END THE SHOW (u can see my previous posts i mention this shit a lot and i even have my own au and older designs for them..)

- YASAMMY IN TEXAS THIS IS SO TRUE.. STAY SAFE GFS... im so mad sammy didnt change her clothes HELP shes still wearing thay goddamn shirt and has similar length hair but its fine yasmina being gorgeous made up for it 👍

- KENLYNN GOIN STRONG longdistance relationship goals, i love their designs so much😭😭 kenji w/his hair down AND brooklyn short hair?!?! short haired women rights its all i wanted 💃

- in my timeskip au i had darius work with dinos back on the island but its more fitting that ben has that role (working w/mae) which is so adorable...

- IM GLAD I PREDICTED BENRIUS WOULDNT HAPPEN bc theyre too innocent and busy being dino obsessed obv!! we didnt get timeskip benrius but theres still hope 😌 theyre just both aro-ace theyll work smth out..

- they fact they keep in touch is so sweet HELPP in my au they all drifted apart 💀 it was for the angst im sorry

- KENJI GETS ADOPTED INTO THE BOWMAN FAMILY SO TRUE... its so sad that with no mom or dad (jail) hes p much an orphan but at least he got darius,, it was so sweet when the mom hugged him at the mainland reunion 🥲 ALSO KENJI STILL OWNS MANTAH CORP?? OR SMTH LIKE IT BC ITS MENTIONED HES KEEPING THE PRIVATE ISLAND RUNNING so mae n ben can work there... SO TRUE

- LETS TALK AGES:

ok so from my research since the show goes alone the movies timeline, s1 takes place in 2015!! fallen kingdom is 3yrs after, and dominion (which i assume begins when darius sees the dinosaur outside his house) is 4 years later making the year 2022.

》so its like jwcc s1 age/ fallen kingdom(s5 timeskip) age/ dominion age

• darius: 12/15/19

• brooklyn: 13/16/20

• ben: 14/17/21

• sammy: 14/17/21

• yasmina: 15/18/22

• kenji: 15/18/22

- me sobbing.. they grew up so fast.. i love my kids... my age theory also may be sooo wrong but it makes more sense if theyre all in their 20s by the end! livin the adult life #goodluck

》final thoughts and thanks

- THIS SHOW IS LEGIT THE BEST AND A GODDAMN BREATH OF FRESH AIR COMPARED TO OTHER SHOWS coughMLBcough what who said that 🤨😳🤭

- from s1 to the end i never got tired of it or it never swayed from my interests, i drew fanart so quick, more than ive done for a lot of other fandoms i was in 😭💖

- i wouldnt mind a sequel with the older camp fam, but if its thats it thats okay too!! lets not get greedy guys...

- EXPECT GIFSETS AND FANART IN THE FUTURE!! my life is so busy crazy rn but i will make time for jwcc shit if its the last thing i do!!!

- lastly, thank you for joining me on this ride! jwcc brought me lots of new tumblr followers which was a surprise! 💖

i know somehow toxicity will find its way to this season, but what else would i expect LMAO idc i will fight with all ive got as usual 😉

- lets all take this W fr, this show was so good. also, sorry for any spelling and grammar errors in the review!

[lautakwah]

omg jing yuan !! as soon as i met him i knew he was gonna be a fav of mine, and his deal with the finches just sold it. i really love his cn va. he was also really fun to play as for that little stint he was part of your party, i got the awakened dan heng card Right before that final battle which felt perfect and now they have this guy and im like i NEED him his mechanic lags my entire laptop. the xianzhou luofu has been very fun to get to know so far, i do love what dan heng/dan feng and jing yuan have going on, and i guess blade is part of that? i love edgy characters but ironically he's felt like the most boring of the cast so far... but that means i still have two of the quintet yet to meet i think! i cannot guess who theyd be right now. the timelines theyre working with are so funny to me like i guess dan hengs supposed to be 700 years old but also still a teenager? being eternally 17 sounds like some horrific curse. which im still not entirely sure of what he did but that seems undeserved. speaking of which reincarnating (?) and then ending up befriending someone who looks more than passingly like your old life's old friend (the trailblazer and jing yuan's visual similarities are a coincidence im sure but its funny to me) is such a neat concept i hope they touch on. + SEELE AND BRONYA!! they were an amazing part of that storyline i want them on my team so bad. I just got the missions to go back and see whats up with them so i'll have to check it out... when i first continued the story to get to the xianzhou seele was visiting and i thought the game would make her disappear after the warp but she was still there... i was like we've taken this kid 500 million light years away from her home planet we've committed a crime here. ANYWAY this is a mile long i hope u have a good weekend nd get rest o7

yeaaahhh jing yuan's va is so good!! i love playing on cn tbh the other dubs dont hit the same idk... i dont have him tho (f) and both times his banner was on i didnt have enough jade to pull for him 😭 first time bc i spent everything on seele, second time bc of sparkle KHFDKJGFDG literally my roster is almost all the girls (not you topaz. and silver wolf was bc i lost 50/50 💀) and barely any guys (i have dhil and luocha and dr ratio bc he was free... all the others i skipped and im gonna skip aventurine as well LOL) can u tell im a lesbian :'))

and i thought dan heng was like in his early 20s??? but none of it rly gets explained so KFDJKDG we do know viyadhara when they reincarnate become children again and then age up before they go through the whole egg-reincarnating thing again. but like in his prev life he was several decades old and looked the same anyway, yet blade/yingxing at the time was like. an old man (the only "mortal" among them 😭). and then baiheng and jingliu were around the same age as jing yuan? wait actually jingliu is older since she's his master but yeah. it IS interesting to see how their dynamic has shifted tho but you'll see (if you havent gotten to that part yet in any case, i think if you finished the tingyun/emanator of destruction part you should've already known abt most of this due to companion quests!)

also YEAH KDFJHKJFDGD it's so funny that characters from different planets can visit the astral express even when they're not on/near their home planet like oh... i guess we kinda abducted you, lol. although, hey, look at it like this: you can show them entire fields of grass or something which they don't have on their home world...! (and obvi you can just take them back to their home world in a snap 😌)

also my weekend was great!! went to a film festival and talked to friends and had a good time overall fdkjghfkjdg idk if i already said this but saw zhu yilong on screen twice (!!) and also met the director of the movie he was in it was super fun <3 def needed that lol

[sadisticyouko]

"dont be afraid to reach out im mostly normal!" number one way to directly not appeal to me JGKZJF /JKJK LMAO but u should know back when i first made my tumblr my url was weirdobsessivenerd and Weirdo was literally what i went by as my name (then i discovered kinning and started going by rouge and now also kurama lol) so like. im Absolutely one to embrace weirdness and encourage it in others, so! dont hold back that unhinged-ness! its precisely what draws me to people HFKHZKG when i say Chill i absolutely mean someone that feels like theyd probably be easy to just relax n be myself around. hang out being Cool Bros. which basically equals being unjudgemental and a bit of a freak (said absolutely positively but i wont use that again if ur uncomfortable with being called that!!)

but ANYWAYZ yeah sending out asks n responding through that feels a lot less...... contained? whatever the hell that means for Conversations but its the vibe lol. exactly like what u were saying. its like im pokin my head out of my lil fox den and yelling out across the field instead of inviting someone inside bgksbfjnzf also yea i totally get the social battery thing thats Super how it is for me too. if were ever chattin n u just drop off out of nowhere and show back up in a couple days continuing the same convo i will not judge bc i Super Relate JFKHSJF

also im not like Super exactly like my kins all the time its more like an internal thing. they may not always reflect me but i still get the feeling of Thats Me. cant always explain it tjjsbf then theres the case of some kins of being exactly how i am irl and some i connect to so hard for one reason or another that i just absorb all of their characteristics into myself bkdjfkd i have a lot of mha kins bc it was my Big Hyperfixation before yyh completely steamrolled over everything in my brain lol, most of them are lower kins tho but my bigger ones are def himiko, la brava, ochako, and shoto!

tbh i kinda wonder how into yyh i woulda been if i discovered it when i was younger, it feels like i may not have been as into it as i am now? which is weird to picture bc rn im Severely hyperfixated on it, i cant imagine having any other sort of relationship to the series jfkdhkf AND HIEI IS SO. FUCKING. ATTRACTIVE. only the second character to break through my asexuality and sex repulsion fjkdjfkd i cant believe he actually makes me so wild over his muscles when ive literally never given any fucks about abs n shit all my life. his hotness is just too powerful fjsjf AND IM ALWAYS ADORING HOW TINY HE IS BUT IN REALITY HES JUST A FEW INCHES SHORTER THAN ME TOO BC IM 5'2" LMAO. but. i always picture his height in comparison to kuramas human and youko forms and it makes me crazy HFKSJKF little man i want to pick him up and kiss him as hes frustrated and flustered about being carried so easily like that and annoyed at himself that he actually likes it 🥰

also if u do like those songs lmk owo!! im always curious to see if others will like a song i recommend hehe. and if u like aggressive music then boy do i have plenty of that bc edgy shit is like my #1 thing i love to listen to HFKSHKF

Omg pretending I’m normal is how I try to fit in ! That’s my inner shuichi trying to blend in with this classmates 😂 I’m a little bit of a weirdo too but I like pretending to be normie passing, I’m like a snail hiding all it’s weirdness under the shell 😂 my first username was tsukisbadgirl so I GET IT 😂😂 I was SUPER into bakugou I mean I still like him but he’s been replaced as my #1 since I got into Tokyo revengers 😂 I will let you know all about my weirdness tendencies but pretend its perfectly normal like 2 seconds later hehe

& yea wild open asks are the best lol IDK WHY but it’s all so true ! I’m glad u won’t judge if I can’t reply right away cuz sometimes I need to disappear and then I feel bad if I try to come back later ! Ohhh the kin thing makes sense too ! Maybe I’m not kinning too many ppl from mha rn cuz I’m hyper fixated on Tokyo revengers now ! I kin like SO MANY PPL from there but I am hopelessly obsessed with it so that might be why 😂 (especially manjiro, he is plaguing my every waking & slumbering moment now 👀)

asbfoajsos Hiei’s MUSCLES keep drawing me back like a little magnet and I am RESISTING 😂😂 why is he built like that ?? I mean I know why but omg WHY DOES IT LOOK SO GOOD ?? i hate it, if Kurama had nearly half the shirtless scenes hiei did I’d be even more unhinged but they didn’t give him the chance !! 😭 SOBBING. I like to be the one that gets manhandled tbh but I feel like even with Hiei’s height he could still get it done 😏 and then im like NO ! INTRUSTIVE THOUGHTS I WANT KURAMA ! and ahdisnsiaosndk 😂 im mostly attracted to ppl based on personality rather than physicality but once im attracted to the person it opens the flood gates and all of a sudden everything about them seems hot 😩

But yes I will let u now about the songs !! It might take me a while like my reading list lol ahdisbskdn BUT I will eventually get to it ! I do things very sporadically and depending on inspiration level so I can’t be held accountable 😂

[nextstopparis]

35, 26, 11, 10 for the ask game 😊!

THANK YOU🥹😫🥺❤️❤️❤️

35. What’s your favourite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

THERE ARE RULES??? no jk but i did hve to google bc brain isnt working rn so idk if this is the type u mean, but,,, ok the website im on says avoid parentheses and i use those bastards like theyre air in my lungs omg. FUCK whoever said little to no parentheses me and my homies love parentheses!!!!!

actually that one genuinely offended me wtf,, what do they hve against parentheses… sorry they dont know what fun is, ig? theyre SPECTACULAR for crack fics btw.

26. How do you get into your characters head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

im rlly sorry for being boring but i genuinelh hve no idea,, i think i mostly write in the perspective of characters i already relate to, so mostly i just imagine myself j n their position (n take to account their history ofc) to figure out how theyd respond to situations/what theyd say. mostly i ask myself ‘can you imagine x doing this?’ n if its no then i write sumn else ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

errr i do not regret it bc im not scared of any of them. whatever fucked up shit they think i COULD always make them worse n that gives me the edge<3 (they regret hving me in there?)

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings”? Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

ehhh im a bit so so abt it tbh. i think it depends on what ur writing for etc etc. sometimes i care more abt the darling than the story as a whole bc its a small lil thing that doesnt NEED the darlings but fuck if i care, u know,,, other times the darling makes it hard to read and confuses even me / makes it impossible for me to continue, so then i do assassinate it remorselessly. if i like them enough the y probs end up in my notes app, of not they are sacrificed and left to the void, im sa d to say. ig the notes app is the graveyard? idont rlly grieve,,

oh well now i feel a bit like a psychopath thnks

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing ever haunted you? What does that mean to you?

yeah. there are definitely things that ive read that i still havent gotten over/lines that wont leavw my head. sometimes its the ending of a story/the plot/a specific scene that makes my stomach churn every time i think abt it, and sometimes its a certain line that makes my head want to explode with how much space it occupies. thats bc theyre lovely or heart wrenching tho. my own writing haunts me when ik its absolute garbage<3 n that happens a lot! which is. great. lol.!

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THIS:DD❤️❤️🥹

[rrobotboyfriend]

hajime hinata for the thing!

favorite thing about them: i honestly love the contrast between hinata and naegi’s way of dealing people a lot. hinatas bluntness i find really funny and honestly his way of handling situations is perfect for the sdr2 cast even if he definitely gets worn out by them. hinata simultaneously being blunt but also at times really out of his depth makes him the most “realistic” of the dr protags but thats the entire point of playing as him JFKSJDJD hes honestly such a good character

least favorite thing about them: im not really sure tbh? theres honestly a lot i like abt hinata i cant rlly think of anything i dislike atm

favorite line: GUH OK this isnt TECHNICALLY a line but in chapter 6 after you beat junkos rebuttal showdown and both hinata and nanami say “no that’s wrong” at the same time?? that absolutely wrecks me its such a small thing but i love it so much

brotp: probably hinaegi!! i think theyd be friends also i love that one official art with them. also just hinata and any of the sdr2 cast lol all of his ftes are so good man.

otp: komahinanami!!!! im honestly not too into komahina on its own (although i do like it) but add hinanami and komaeda and nanami being best friends and i absolutely love it. i love the idea of komaeda and nanami teaming up to tease and annoy hinata and i also think overall it would be the healthiest version Of komahina? simply because nanami would be able to smooth things out and calm them down if they have one of their moments. i think all of them together work really well especially bc i really like hinanami as well. idk i just think hinata deserves so much love which he would get from both of them. theres so little komahinanami content that actually fits my interp of them tho and i havent really collected my thoughts for them enough to sound super coherent but holy shit. they make me insane.

notp: i dont really have one i dont think? closest thing to notp is like. kamu/hina or something i guess

random headcanon: gonna continue the trend. i hc hinata to have both adhd and ocd (specifically the pure o subtype with some checking compulsions) and i also hc him to be a bi trans man!!

unpopular opinion: moreso an unpopular headcanon but i dont hc that hinata and kamukura are a system post game and think that they merged instead (which i personally believe was represented by awakened hinata and although i cld get into specifics of Why it would go into both their character arcs and sense of identity which would be Long lol) i might talk abt it more eventually but! yea

song i associate with them: let it happen by tame impala and i can talk by two door cinema club

favorite picture of them:

this one!! i also really like the one where hes playing games with komaeda and chiaki i think he shld smile more

[vagarius]

misukazu 21

(if you saw me fuck up the other one no you didnt)

EDIT I THINK THIS ONE GOT A LITTLE FUCKED UP TOO BUT IT’S... READABLE...

questions from this post, and answers originally written for this thread!!

If you had to change the pairing’s very first meeting, how would you change it?    their canon first meeting is already so good SHDGFLJASHG but if i had to choose a different one that's still within the context of mankai... meeting as kids and losing touch and coming back together completely different at mankai

What song fits your pairing the most?    uhhHHhhHHH i don't have a real answer but i do have a partial playlist for one of my misukazu aus and the only two songs in it are furaregai girl by sayuri and champagne's for celebrating by mayday parade and i feel like that says enough sldhgalsdhfalsh

What is your favorite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?     ALL MISUKAZU AUS ARE GOOD but. i really love any au where their first meeting is in the future and both are still kind of lost but they're Older and it's hard to let themselves fall into the easy trust they find in canon. i just think that'd be neat.

Do you prefer canon ideas or do you have your own headcanons for them?     I'VE SAID THIS MANY TIMES BUT CANON MISUKAZU GIVES OFF MADE FOR EACH OTHER VIBES AND USUALLY I DON'T VIBE WITH THAT BUT THEY REALLY ARE WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS... AND I THINK EVEN IF THEY HAD TO PART THEY'D STILL BE ABLE TO BE BETTER PEOPLE BC THEY HAD MET

Favorite canon moment of them?     THERE ARE SO MANY but the one that immediately comes to mind is misumi carrying drunk kazu to bed (latest bday line) because drunk kazu is so soft and it implies that misumi wanted to wish happy birthday to kazu pretty late... what did he want to give him...

Least favorite canon moment of them?     hmm... there's not really one i can think of??? IM SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY I LOVE ALL THEIR CANON MOMENTS

Favorite headcanon trope/idea? (Your own or someone else’s)    this is somehow both vague and very specific but i think misukazu gives off this vibe: He's beautiful. I can't tell him. or "Kazu is always beautiful~" Don't call me that, Kazu thinks. I'm not. so... insecurities i guess ????? AJSHAJJD

Favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics?     THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SO CHEESY but i love how /real/ they allow themselves to be around each other. misukazu at their best is when one thinks "you're you. and i love that you" and the other knows this. i just. THEY VALIDATE THE OTHER SO MUCH CRIES

Least favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics? (Can be headcannon)     this isn't a "least fav" so much as "it makes me sad" but if either of them showed any sign of not being interested anymore the other is more likely to give up then push anything. sort of like "it was bound to happen, so i'll enjoy now until they drop me" or EVEN WORSE they think the other would be better off without them and pushes them away. so yeah the fact i can see one of these happening makes me sad.

If they aren’t a canon pairing, how would you get them together?     they give off "everyone knows we're dating but us" energy but at the same time i feel like they'd acknowledge there's something and just not define it bc a) they don't need to (misumi) or b) they're too nervous to (kazu). in other words i think one day they are holding hands and misumi says "kazu? is this dating?" and kazu holds his breath before asking "do you want it to be?"

If you had to take them and plunk them into another fandom, what fandom would that be? Why?     i think theyd be hilarious in any sports animanga (kazu is manager tho bc noodle arms but maybe they bond when misumi walks him through some of his usual training menu one night - ahem. anyway) BUT ALSO horimiya au...

How hard is it write/draw your pairing? Scale of 1-10.     AJDHAJDHSF I REALLY LOVE THEM SO IT COMES PRETTY EASILY... but sometimes you try to put them in tropes and realize they would Just Not Work Like That. idk where i'm going with this. but yeah. anyway 3 for sankaku.

Is there a pairing that you think rivals them?     in terms of what i ship, i tend to ship kazu and misumi individually with a lot of dif charas AJDHAKD. but in terms of like... in-universe "rival" pairings: kazu side: tsuzukazu (maybe, lbr it would take them 273924 yrs to actually get together), kazu x someone from winter (i... have my reasons but they'd take longer than what this answer entails) misumi side: ... surprisingly none that i can think of ahdjahd

Which character of the pairing do you like more? (Would you ever pair yourself with them?)     you know that tweet that's like "sometimes a ship is just your two favs"? yeah that's misukazu for me. but if i had to choose... misumi AJDHAJHDSF I HONESTLY WASNT THAT INTO YUME UNTIL THESE TWO CAME AROUND (NOT COUNTING 707)... but yeah if they wanted to hold me in their arms i wouldn't oppose

Which character of your pairing would be the one to break up with the other? Why?     OOOOOH BOY well. i think it could be either of them. i don't think they'd break up for lack of love but too much love and wanting the other to be happy and thinking that the only way to give them that is to let them go. so i guess the question is which of them would be more likely to be selfish and hold on. thinking this way, i think misumi would be more likely to break-up, bc kazu has lots of friends who are better than him!! and misumi is more ready to leave if he thinks he needs to than kazu is. now im sad.

Are they relatable as characters or as a pairing?     THE NUMBER OF TIMES I'VE BEEN CALLED KAZU KIN... in all seriousness kazu's struggles with speaking out and (shinobi spoilers) his uncertainty over his future hit real close to home... while i don't relate as much as misumi, his struggles always manage to tear my heart into pieces... ((oversharing alert) i guess what really separates me from misumi is his struggle with his desire to connect with family who has treated him poorly... whereas im more "lol fuck you") tldr i relate to kazu slightly more LOL

Did you once/ever dislike one/both of them?     i never disliked them but i was NOT expecting either of them to shoot up so quickly into my favs list ahdjahdjf. also i started shipping them Immediately After reading summer main story so there's that

On an estimate, how many posts have you made about them?    as of september 28th 2020 i make up 11/78 fics on ao3 in the romantic misukazu tag and 2/12 in the platonic one. i may have brainrot.

What made you decide to ship them?     TBH I FINISHED THE MAIN STORY AND WENT "OH MY GOD... THAT'S MY SHIP" but now that i'm here i continue to ship them because they have the potential to bring out both the best and the worst in each other and i'm all about that

Favorite genre for them? (Angst, fluff, etc.)     angst. i just. angst hurt/comfort all the way. im so sorry babies.

lol you thought there would just be 21 ANYWAY EXTRA 1: how do they spend breaks/vacation?    they'd travel a lot when they're older!! kazunari loves to travel and misumi would follow kazunari anywhere (also, new triangles!!) so they go somewhere new whenever they have the time. however i think eventually one or both of their future careers will take them anywhere and everywhere anyway, so their "ideal vacation" might turn into an evening in, cuddling and catching up (as if they didn't already send play-by-play updates over the phone of whatever they did during the day)

EXTRA 2: first date?     i don't they ever have an explicit first date, but if asked they'll cite the time they had a picnic in the park turned triangle hunt turned accidental dip in the duck pond. at least, kazunari will. misumi just tilts his head and wonders what you mean.

EXTRA 3: gifts?     IM FEELING REALLY CHEESY SO I'M MAKING THIS ABOUT ANNIVERSARY GIFTS they both end up getting each other jewelry (although kazu was really really nervous bc he wasn't sure if misumi would wear it). kazu gets misumi a bracelet (with triangles, of course although misumi only wears it sometimes because he doesn't want to lose it) and misumi gets kazu a pair of triangle earrings "so we can match!" and kazunari combusts at the implications

EXTRA 4: sharing clothes     THEY'RE ACTUALLY AROUND THE SAME SIZE (and tend to wear baggier stuff barring kazu's skinny jeans)... but they have completely different Styles so it's still really obvious when steal each other's stuff ahdjajdkaf. as cute as kazu would look in sumi's sweatshirt i think the much more likely scenario is kazu wrapping misumi in his jackets because this boy nEVER BRINGS HIS ANYWHERE anyway just. accidental shared wardrobe misukazu.

EXTRA 5: lake house au    consider: kazunari living in a house on the shore of a lake for a summer for Art Purposes (and a little bit for Dealing With Life purposes but he's not gonna admit that) and meets his lake neighbor misumi who kazu thinks might be a ghost or spirit for a while but he actually just lives further down the lake and misumi unknowingly helps kazu with his Life Issues and maybe they fall in love

[gaydinobots]

poly!dinobots for the ask meme !!!! 👀

anon i want you to know that youre enabling me and im ABSOLUTELY here for it. also this is pretty long i am so sorry 

Who’s more dominant: grimlock/slug, they already lead the team in canon depending on continuity so i suppose itd apply here to a degree! 

Who’s the cuddler: sludge by a long shot but grimlock is secretly one too! 

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon: they just dogpile each other when they get tired. no one knows whos really spooning who ((generally sludge is the Automatic Big Spoon) 

What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: idk if theyd have a Favourite but aside from fighting and going to bars a lot they probably do anything they want. bonus points if it’s pretty likely to kill anyone else

Who uses all the hot water: swoop because hes an early bird kind of dude whos also a huge dick 

Most trivial thing they fight over: they fight over anything if they feel like it. probably who gets to pick up slash after a mission (none of them do and she ends up arriving home before any of them) 

Who does most of the cleaning: they live in a perpetual state of messiness. grimlock sometimes gets sick of it so he tries but hes not good at it. slug gets fed up about it and actually sorts things out properly. snarl OCCASIONALLY helps out but only to clean out everyone else’s shit from his own personal space. swoop doesnt bother unless hes got an incentive. sludge is incapable of maintaining any sort of order in his life. 

What has a season pass on their dvr/Who controls the netflix queue: SWOOP hed love binging dramas. hes the only one who knows how netflix works and hes their saviour when it comes to movie date nights 

Who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: swoop usually but if they want it done urgently grimlock does it  

Who leaves their stuff around: all of them do. swoop and sludge are tied worst offenders 

Who remembers to buy the milk: i guess this would be energon but snarl does! when they do need it he tries to get it in bulk so they dont have to think about it 

Who remembers anniversaries: none of them,,,,, they dont remember when they got together Properly and have differing opinions of when theyre officially together. i think theyd just celebrate whenever they feel like it! 

Who cooks normally: they dont need to cook but if they were a human au they live off of only takeout, leftovers and instant food. how the fuck they remain as strong as they are is a mystery((i hc that grimlock can actually cook but he does it based on mood and whether the others want it)) 

How often do they fight: hmmm probably a bit! theyre them after all. but they never hold it for too long and eventually always make up! id say less of fighting and more of ‘constantly nitpicking but in a kinda fond, kinda condescending’ way 

What do they do when they’re away from each other: swoop bingewatches tv dramas (and uh. wwe since thats kind of like. drama with added fighting) if hes unable to find current drama thats interesting. grimlock hangs out with the scavengers or finds somewhere he can train! slug either hangs out with trypticon or spends time with his kids. snarl likes to spend the time sunning himself and reflecting on a walk or something. sludge dabbles in sculpting, and is actually pretty good at it! he also likes to observe animals doing random things. 

Nicknames for each other: it’s canon they call whoever’s in charge boss? at least swoop does. i dont think they have any real pet names tbh, theyre not too big on that. swoop probably throws in a ‘babe’ or ‘honey’ when talking to any of them unconsciously. 

Who is more likely to pay for dinner: when they have money sludge pays. he tips too!!! what a great guy 

Who steals the covers at night: snarl but only because hes not big on physical affection,,, like he likes it but he needs his space a lot! however if swoop is feeling mad he sometimes takes them out of spite. 

What would they get each other for gifts: hmmMMMmmm idk if theyd even remember to give each other things....theyre more of ‘actions speak for you’ kind of people. they probably get each other weapons or energon. that being said they keep everything their daughter gives them. theyre v proud good dads 

Who kissed who first: hmmmMmm id say sludge was the first one to get kissed by all of them!

Who made the first move: they all kind of just. flirted back and forth until no one really knew who started what, until they just kind of agreed and said “ok yeah we’re all dating each other” 

Who remembers things: snarl 

Who started the relationship: i think swoop would be the one to suggest that they all become a thing so i guess him! 

Who cusses more: slug’s original name was a cuss i think it’s obvious who it is 

What would they do if the other one was hurt: get revenge immediately. if its a minor hurt tho theyd just kind of crack jokes while being concerned. 

Who is the dirty talker: swoop but only because he talks the most...slug tries but they all agree swoop is just. way better at it. 

A head canon: them becoming a poly relationship was a gradual thing that happened over time! i kinda hc grimlock/slug hooking up a bit before officially forming the dinobots. then swoop/grimlock happens, slug gets into the mix, sludge/snarl is also happening, then after that they lose track of the timeline (which is ok by them because they dont. really mind all that much) 

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN

[thotrichie]

🐝!

lovely asks!

tag three friends and your three favorite things about them!

THIS GOT EXTREMELY LONG SO UUUHHHH UNDER TH CUT BINCHES

@kar3marina - THEY R MY FUCKIGN QPP ND I WUV THEM A LOT OK, MY 3 FAVE THINGS ABT THEM HAVE 2 BE: 

HOW FUNNY THEY ARE!!! ki has this specific type of humor thts jst rly hilarious n clicks in w/ my humor as well so jokes r easy 2 pass through w/ us bc we both know our limits n whats funny 2 each other!!

THEIR GENUINENESS!!!! they r literally th most genuine person u could meet, th fierce loyalty n care they hav towards th ppl in their life is intense despite th shit theyve gone through n continue 2 go through they rly do try their best 2 ensure tht th world around their friends feels like home tbh

THEIR RESILIENCE!!! its sth i can greatly admire since theyre still going super strong, continuing on n looking ahead 2 the future even tho theyre not sure of what th future may consist of n even if they get confused at times they still strive on 2 ensure a future for themself nd thts sth i can deeply look up 2. they have such a big, kind heart, nd they rly mean a lot 2 me tbh

@werewolfeddie - BETCHA DIDNT EXPECT 2 BE ON HERE HUH U STINKY THOT?

OK SO WE JST MET N ALL IK BUT UR LIKE. SUCH A COOL PERSON??? even tho we haven’t talked a lot i love our convos 2gether since theyre usually p fun nd consist of th wildest jokes which always makes me laugh my ass off tbh-- makes me look forward 2 future convos we have!!! 

U CARE A LOT!!! like ok ik its mostly jokes n all w/ the insomnia thing, it’s now a running gag between us w/ how fucked my sleeping schedule gets, but it’s nice 2 like idk. hav tht kinda care since my insomnia rly is the worst so being reminded (or in this case Scolded smh) 2 go 2 sleep is like p cool bc i never used 2 have friends who realized how important tht shit was-- theyd jst encourage me 2 stay up which fucked w/ my insomnia more i now realize so fvgkjdgvfnj THANKS FOR CARING NERD

U LIKE TOS!!! this is. an extremely random thing 2 add 2 this but hear me out ok stinky, there arent actl many ppl i know who are rly into tos so having another friend who plays that game or like. WANTS to play games / hang out w/ me is jst idk rly wonderful tbh-- hanging out w/ u is usually super fun tbh also ur such a fuckign nerd nd just kno id gladly die for u bc ur such a cool nd important friend.

@idealkey - MY FUCKIGN BEST FRIEND??? THE SWEETEST ND MOST KIND ND CARING ND IMPORTANT PERSON 2 ME EVER??? I LOV U SM!!!!!

OK SO. CROWN CARES A FUCK TON!!!! LIKE i’ve honestl never met more of a caring person whose felt more like home than this nerd. they constantly try to make their loved ones happy n make them feel cared for, they constantly do their best to keep ppl steady when times r rough, they r constantly just there no matter what happens nd they inspire me 2 be a better person. they inspire me 2 wanna help n love others as much as they do.

THEY ARE RLY PATIENT!!!! this is sth thts rly important when being close 2 me bc im a mess, im all over the place a lot of the time, i don’t always reply to 1-1 convos simply on th basis tht i either cant or i forget nd they understand this. they r so understanding nd so patient nd idk they know me rly well, they always try 2 coax me into convos when they can nd i cant stress how appreciative i am of them being here in my life like they are.

THEYRE SOM1 I CAN LOOK UP TO!!!! i dont rly hav many ppl i look up to more for th fact tht like things such as tht can kinda confuse me but crown is someone i can actl look up to, someone i can go 2 advice bc i trust their judgement a lot, bc ik how smart they are. theyre a warm blend of logic & care, they balance tht shit out super well, n even tho shits incredibly rough for them rn theyre still going even tho ik sometimes the urge to give in can get hard to push away but still. they strive to continue onward despite any turbulent feelings they might have nd i rly admire tht a ton-- theyre someone i jst kinda wanna learn from, be like in tht they treat th world around them with such respect nd knowledge nd care nd theyre just amazing tbh. i lov u sm crown

(also s/o to @evilbenny, @snowyglobes, @blubberingbill, @foam & others tbh whomst put up w/ me, i love u guys sm)

[professor-abeloved]

For the ship breakdown.. It's so cliché and others will most likely ask the same, but JakexMC? Any gender!

this is a lil late but thanks anon!! using my masc presenting mc, eli de loyola!! tbh i was expecting this since it’s the most popular endsum ship lmao. 

(sidenote: i should probably say that i don’t rly do f!mc/jake because it’s…the most popular ship in the fandom haha. it’s nothing personal, and i bet your f!mc & jake are adorable together, but you don’t need me when there are so many people who would kill for the chance to make content for it yanno? idk if this is making sense lol)

((sidenote 2: i’m not taking anymore ships for this ask meme either adkfglds tho the link is there in case anyone wants to reblog it!))

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL BREAK THEM DOWN

How did they they meet?

the plane ride to la huerta where eli called jake “hotness” because he panicked and can’t flirt for shit. jake was so amused, especially since eli stuck to his guns and continues to call him “hotness” despite the situation afhbsjdhfnd

Who developed romantic feelings first?

jake did!! despite the fact that he tried so hard not to, he fell for eli’s enthusiasm, his heroic nature, the way he can keep up with and understand jake… and the adorable way he cannot flirt for shit.

eli doesn’t know how to deal with Feelings so he was in denial for the longest time lmao

Who is their biggest “shipper?”

diego currently holds that title

When did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances?

tbh in canon, they kissed in each other’s arms as they fellow below the waves… but i hc that their first kiss happened waaay before that when eli couldn’t deal with his feelings and jake was being adorable annoying so he ended up grabbing the front of jake’s jacket and kissing him

they made out for a bit before eli came to his senses and ran away (and continued to run and avoid jake, which really hurt him and fuled his ‘mc should stay away because i don’t want to get attached and/or hurt them’ shtick #ILoveAngst)

Who confessed their feelings first?

jake when they slept together for the first time

What was their first official date?

eli says its smth mundane like a date in the coffeeshop, but jake considers their first date the first time he took eli up in a plane (this is in a happy angst free au shush)

How do they feel about double dates/group dates?

idk i feel like jake wouldnt be fond of them and eli dont really curr

What do they do in their down time?

idk i feel like theyd go flying a lot if jake gets his own plane (courtesy of aleister who has inherited rourke industries idk man just let them be happy)

What was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like?

i hc jakes parents as dead & at first jake didnt make a good first impression on eli’s aunt tho ‘cause she didn’t appreciate his snark lol

What was their first fight over and how did they get past it?

their first fight was when eli went with #TeamSean to get shit done instead of partying with sila jake because 1) he feels like its the right thing to do and 2) he’s avoiding jake (this is after their first kiss btw.) 

and tbh at first jake’s angry bc he thinks sean is like idk Forcing eli to go but then eli gets mad (he’s a sean stan no matter who he’s dating js). the stress of the whole island situation as well as his feelings for jake cause him to say shit he regrets. jake’s understandably hurt by it, and he makes it into a bigger fight (because he’s looking for excuses to detach himself from eli) lol

Which one is more easily made jealous?

jake lmao. although you’d expect eli to be more jealous (since he’s already tsundere af) eli is merely amused when someone flirts with jake (tbh he’d be likely to give em a high five HAHA @ yvonne)

What is their favourite thing to get to eat?

whiskey. idk. i feel like jake’s a meat person tho

Who’s the cuddly one? What their favourite cuddling position?

eli is more cuddly asgfdsas he used to be big spoon, but then jake wanted to try so now they jetpack

Are they hand holders?

yeah first chapter pa lang, holding hands na awow

How long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? What’s the circumstances?

they stop being babies about their feelings and sleep together the night before the watchers come (that is to say, they come before the watchers do bfhdkjsk why am i allowed to be online)

Who tops?

they switch it up a lot but also consider power bottom jake pls and thank

What’s the worst first they’ve ever gotten into?

hmm maybe about jake not attempting to clear his name and not returning to the US idk

Who does the shopping and the cooking?

they feel like a Take-Out kind of couple lmao. but they shop together bc jake just gets the bare essentials and eli cant cook a romantic dinner with just one (1) can of tuna wtf jake

Which one is more organized and prone to tidiness?

i feel like theyre both messy, but jake has a System to get his shit while eli is just… kalat

Who proposes?

diego proposes for both of them HAHA legit he deadass plans a romantic dinner for them and hands jake a ringbox and has jake propose, which he happily does so

but seriously if diego hadn’t intervened it probs wouldve taken 20 years before either of them even mentioned proposing dnfdksasdsja

Do they have joined Bachelor/Bacheloette parties or separate?

joined and then there’s a bit about jake and stripping and pilot uniform soooooo

Who is the best man/maid of honour? Any other groomsmen or bridesmaids?

es gang as groomsen and bridesmaids, diego is eli’s best man and idk sean is jake’s (since i hc them to get close after the events of ES)

Big Ceremony or Small?

small

Do they have a honeymoon? If so, where?  

costa rica HAHAAHA

Do they have children? How many?

jake doesn’t seem like the type to want kids, but eli really loves taking care of people, so they compromise and get a dog HAHA. the dog doesn’t like jake at first (since jake is,, like a cat lmao)

but here comes one incident at their home (cant decide where they live yet lol) where eli isn’t home & the dog sniffs out a fire which gives him and jake time to escape… but then the dog gets stuck somewhere and jake curses but goes back to save it 

and the dog finally warms up to him afterwards!! jake pretends to act like he isnt fond of the dog but his mouth kind of twitches into a smile after he loudly complains about the dog drool on his face (after the dog licks him in greeting aww)

[cielospeaks]

imean i feeeeel like all my self insert ship based scenarios are wildly specific depending on the character? but i wonder if theres some overlaps?

obviously a lil basing it off appearance i guess? theres three i like that all are suit wearing glove wearing pretty boys but their personalities are like so wildly different? then theres moz i guess his musik is a suit????? idk

i guess in general i usually see it not being a really hateful/spiteful relationship. constantly roasting someone would be so tiring and make me so anxious i dont think id enjoy it very much. thats not to say theres no tsun tsun and slow burn bc that i can definitely see, esp on my part lol. and also on the opposite end its not mushy gooshy lovey dovey all the time. its not i think ever that sorta “everyone loves me im so perfect” sorta thing, where either of us think of everything revolving around us and continuously boosting our own egoes. i mean tbh moz is an egotist but hes also super sweet and caring towards others which ppl tend to forget bc he acts self centered and childish? but its moz what do u expect lol. anyways what i mean to say is its not gonna be all cutesy and self obsessed, even moz whos definitely the most egotistical of the bunch isnt the type thatd wait on my every move trying to please me, hed do what he likes and try to make me happy w it without compromising himself. and the others too. none of us are and should be “serving” the others, its not a sort of instantly falling in love and devoting ourself to that person sorta thing. i mean tbh hans might try that and im like “sweaty no ur important too”

nooooow that thats out of the way the more positive things? i think all of us in different aspects and to different degrees have stuff were struggling w emotionally, some the same as me and some different, and it makes me happy to think of myself helping them. after all they help me w my struggles and id like to return the favor. so like i guess i like em a lil angsty? but like at the same time i dont think its a necessity. like moz for instance, tons of the fanbase turned on him in s2 when he was more cheery and happy go lucky, but idk it never felt like he changed that much? or at least not unexpectedly? hes mozart hes gonna make fart jokes whaddya expect. like angst and problems is definitely something that draws me to these guys but i dont want them to be consumed by them. i want them to get better from them and live their lives happily.

i guess physically theres not much besides the aformentioned suits and gloves thing lol. and moz is proof its not a requirement for me to thirst after u. you can dress like a fashion disaster gremlin and ill still want ur cutie bootie. i mightve said i dont like to have my faves doting on me mindlessly but i like to think theyd all at least be a lil supportive about my hair. like its silly but ive gotten attacked and shamed by so many different ppl bc of it that im not rlly insecure? but i do definitely kinda crave being said nice things to about it i guess?

idk on a tangent bc i feel like indulging moz for sure knocks off any doubts and loves playing w it. he does that silly thing where he sticks my hair on his mouth like a mustache and were both cracking up. sacchan is more elegant about it, but he looks serious and is like “who do i need to kill” and im like “sacchan no!” we definitely wear matching half ponytails tho its cute af. and sometimes we mess w each others’ bangs. like when theres a leaf in our hair and stuff. schuu is super sweet and is shook af that anyone would be that mean. like boi ppl are way worse to u all the time ur too nice. but yea hed probably be too self conscious to do too much w my hair but maybe if i play w his hair enough he gets a bit more confident. idk if its cold ill put it around him like a scarf lol. hans at first is like “um... its nice” in regards when i ask him what he thinks of it? but eventually if i reveal my past w it and stuff he feels genuinely kinda bad, and this time his compliments dont seem as forced to him.

also for the sake of it past trauma if any of them found out about how i bleed a lot on my back. i feel like most all of them would be shocked at first tbh? but then try and help somehow. hans and schuu would be more sublte and shy about it, schuu just being really gentle whenever he has a hand on my shoulder and offering to carry backpacks n stuff, and hans would always be sure to give super genuine compliments when i wear anything showing my shoulders. the other two would be more forward, both moz and sacchan just like kissing the spots gently and massaging my shoulders. im like blushing like crazy at first but its so relaxing and it feels nice and i probably eventually start crying. at least w sacchan i want to do the same thing to him w his old scars so we can share in this sorta situation.

so yea fancy ish boys (or gremlin disasters) who have some angst but whatever extent or however often doesnt affect or change how much i love em. i think all of them are all in the side of “a genuinely nice person but bc of the writing/fanbase/actual hecked up rumors n shit irl they are disliked/the antagonist/’just a villain u cant like them!!1!!!11!!!’“ which rlly stinks but it doesnt change my feelings. and tbh i think theyre all kind people despite that theyre not perfect saint angles all the time. moz can be insensitive even if he doesnt mean it, and selfish, and not care about others (but at the same time he cares so hecking strongly for others, even strangers and animals hes just met, and he throws himself wholeheartedly into helping them, and hes emphatic as heck, even to ppl he dislikes), sacchan has done some hecked up stuff, especially in the fiction side of history (but his story is literally this fake fictional persona thats like a murder obsessed grim reaper being forced into the consciousness of an innocent person who was actually a kind and generous person and a good friend, and in like the shitty afterlife bc of this hes had to think of that person as dying when he did first, even tho hes been shown to still care deeply about others even as the grim reaper persona, like staying behind in lb1 rather than go w the protag, in order to bring music to an entire world of people that were going to die and be deleted from history and the multiverse itself basically), hans is literally the “villain u cant like him”, tries to decapitate the “protagonist” and according to the perspective of the protagonist and the spinoff works is incapable of love and outright lied to and manipulated her (despite the fact he never directly lied and instead said vague statements that she interpreted as him wanting to smash bc she cared only about smashing him and not his actual personality or life or anything, despite the fact the “protagonist” was responsible for possible murder and definitely sabotage of an entire like prolly at least 1000 people, and left them to die in a complete and unexpected climate change that could have easily led to more death and hindrance if he wasnt there to do something, despite the fact he gives a damn about the people and animals of this goshforsaken city when literally no one else does, especially not the main characters we’re supposed to root for), and schuu is hated for his rap outfit and for being clingy and getting in the way of ships (which can u blame the man for wanting a lil bit of companionship its basically a frankenstinian story of the creator abandoning the creation but the icing on the cake is said creator abandoned him while leaving w two of his peers, and even the others that were created w him all ignore him 90 percent of the time and treat him like shit 99 percent of the time, and whats more is hes got not just that rejection but the memory of being rejected in a past life 200 yrs ago by his teacher he admired in regards to his predecessor he admired, and yet he still manages to be so hecking positive about everything, seeing good in even super mundane things like the sounds of pot stickers frying, he praises people genuinely about even those mundane things, hes super down to befriend like anyone even tho hes super awkward at it, absolutely loves and throws himself into wholeheartedly new music genres and fashion and tries his damndest even if he sucks at it, he even finally gets the courage up to tell his now rival that he admires the painful reasons hes been agonizing on this for so long, and hes super willing to help others even at the expense of himself)

sooooo tldr i like these disliked/antagonistic boys bc i feel like treating em like how theyre treated by the fandom mostly is super unfair.

i feel like theyre all the sorts id love to open up about myself with, in return if theyre comfortable w it id like to hear about them too. theyre the sorts id wanna plan outings to do shit they like, or show them shit i like.

like can u imagine if sacchan was hyped as heck to go to a tour of a sweets factory? or even just the cafe of it? hes so surprised hearing about all these different desserts and we get a big sample platter or something and he just looks so wide eyed and happy trying each of them. maybe marie and/or bunyan and/or ibaraki go along to help w the sweets. and theres a piano there and i ask someone in the staff if sacchan can play it, and maybe he does and its a total hit. everyones listening so happily and enthusiastically. or going w schuu to a big concert festival in the summer? ive only been to bluegrass ones but hed probably love going to a rap or reggae one and id love to go to it w him. i bet itd be crowded and filled w music everywhere, and itd be so much fun exploring it w him. wed probably end up jamming somewhere. schuu is smiling and looks so intently at every performance and its just such a beautiful look i love my bestie. hans and i go to a museum and its super quiet and stuff, im not completely sure if hes enjoying it and am so nervous but then he asks what im listening to and we do the cliche earbud sharing shit. when we get to the swords and armor section both of our faces light up and we both rush forward, breaking out of the earbuds and both get super embarassed by it. scooter from the corner guard post: just kiss already! or like modern au and hans has a fencing match or something i go to it and cheer him on so much! he shows me the moves afterwards. and then he wants to go to one of my concerts or something. its cute af. or like not modern au and i go to his fancy prince meetings n stuff, and if any of his family talk shit i show up and intervene in a subtle way. we go on a day off to explore the town, and theres a concert and im hyped as heck so hans just smiles and says we can go to it. its cute af too i hope hed enjoy it too. and gosh moz where to even begin w fartman bestboy. we go on all the best dates even something as mundane as going and doing errands on a weekend afternoon is a date bc moz has no impulse control and an hr in we’re at a fancy cafe bc moz was chatting w one of the waitresses and somehow got us reservations. even tho hes flirty af hes really cheery and is like “this is my cute gf!” to everyone about me and im just like blushing like crazy. we eventually finish the errands, idk maybe he keeps getting distracted and im like “moz if you can make it through all the errands today on your own ill give you a kiss” and like its not even a first kiss weve kissed before right but hes still so hyped for it, his eyes get all alert and his face gets serious and we finish all the chores quickly, then its early evening and were in a quiet park gazebo or something and he leans in w a flirty look under those long eyelashes like “did i do good? can i have that reward now?” im blushing like crazy but i give him a kiss, hes earned it, hes rlly gentle and sweet, cupping my face w his hands as mine run to his back and its a really sweet kiss? idk ive never really kissed much if at all so i dont rlly know how it works lol

[wdfa]

coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me! 

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed. 

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!! 

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.