#... which probably won't be until ...thursday because i'm working

[da-birb-writes-sometimes]

ohhh for the event can I get Vil and prompt 3 with reader as the ghost? ^_^

Words Unsaid; Vil Schoenheit

Content; Gender-neutral reader, angst, pining

Content Warning; Reader death (not described)

Word Count; 700+

A/N; Hi Haru! ... I decided to lean more into angst; I am so sorry Vil.

Please do not put my work into AI. If you would like to see more of my work check out my masterlist!

Vil’s hands were shaking, and he tried to make a sound but his voice was caught in his throat. 

His breath came out in white puffs, the Pomefiore lounge had become freezing cold as the fire died out. Dim light from the filtered moonlight cast everything in silver and greys. Long shadows crept across the floor like they were reaching out for him.

Vil.

It was barely audible, but Vil could hear the gentle hiss of his own name whispered into his ear, and it made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. He took in a deep breath though, trying to calm his racing heart which betrayed how affected he was by his current circumstances.

He closed his eyes, shutting out everything else and focused solely on what he could hear. And with how on edge he was, he could have heard a pin drop. But he didn’t hear anything. That was the issue, alongside everything else.

Normally he would have been able to hear the muffled snoring of his fellow dorm members, or the gentle ticking of the clock, or even the standard sounds that an older building may make. But he heard nothing. Only the steady thump thump of his heart in his ears.

Vil opened his eyes again, and he stared at the figure that was now standing within arm’s reach of him.

It was you, but not as Vil knew you.

You floated closer towards him, and Vil dared not to move.

Ghost, spectre, phantom. That was what you now were.

But he had seen you that very day. Still very much alive. Still breathing.

“What happened,” he whispered, taking a step forward, trying to close the distance. 

You moved back, and looked him in the eyes as tears fell down your cheeks. And then you vanished, the fire coming back to life, and all the sounds coming back.

Vil raked his hands through his hair, trying to come to some reasonable answer for why you were here, why you were a ghost. And he found himself running as fast as his legs would carry him, coming to a halt at Ramshackle.

He knocked at the door, but there was no answer. He knocked again and called your name. But all he was answered with was silence, and a sense of dread taking hold.

Please forgive me.

He knocked the door down with his magic, and made his way into the house. Vil looked in every room of the mansion, but all he found was dust; even Grim was nowhere to be seen.

This is a nightmare— No it isn’t, you know that. But how he wanted this to be nothing more than just a simple nightmare. If only it were as easy as that.

His breath came out in white puffs again, and everything stilled like time itself was frozen.

“Please,” Vil could barely recognize his own voice, desperation was something he was not well acquainted with, “tell me.”

You stayed out of sight though and stared at Vil, wanting nothing more than to embrace him. To feel his warmth one more time. To tell him something that had been weighing heavy on your chest for months.

You never had the chance, always being pulled in every which way or dealing with one problem or another. And now? 

… it would not serve either of you any good. It would only cause more heartbreak, a tragedy that belonged in a play really, instead of reality.

Vil clenched his fist and rolled back his shoulders, “You’re still here, so you have something left that must be important. Let me help you.”

Something left, was in fact, someone.

Vil had always been outside of your reach, a star high up in the sky, and that distance was now further than ever.

That’s why you said nothing of your own feelings about him.

That’s why you said nothing, leaving the words unsaid.

“You can’t. Please, forget about me.”

Vil wouldn’t forget you. He would never forget about you, the person that he could be his entire self around.

Perhaps it was friendship, but something that screamed from his chest that it wasn’t.

And he would never get the chance to see what could be.

~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~

Tags; @afunkyfreshblog @bloomstruck @eynnwwyjth @ithseem @moonsoup01637 @lucid-stories @syrenkitsune @twistwonderlanddevotee @xxoomiii

[soaps-mohawk]

So...

I've been doing some thinking about a couple of things.

This blog has grown considerably, even from its start and I appreciate each and every one of you so much. Your support never ceases to amaze me and I owe all of you a lot for giving me something to focus on this year instead of spiraling into insanity.

But

Things have gotten a tad bit overwhelming recently between trying to run the blog and trying to write. I find myself either having to ignore the blog to get writing done, or sacrifice writing time and energy to spend time on the blog and keep up with all the replies/reblogs/asks etc. Definitely not complaining, you all never cease to amaze me.

But, I am just one person and my brain only has so much power right now. So, I'm planning to take some (more) time off each week right now while I focus on writing and planning since we're getting into some serious plot stuff soon. So I'm planning to be on the blog three days a week for a while: Saturday, Sunday, and Thursday. That gives me some time to get some writing done as well as some time to rest my brain.

Saturday and Sunday of course to post the chapter and respond to replies and reblogs so I don't get super behind. Monday I'll have some asks queued up as well as maybe a few reblogs. I'll still use the queue Tuesday and Wednesday for reblogs/asks with spoilers as usual. Thursday I'll be on the blog answering asks from Monday - Wednesday as well as things I get that day. I'll queue up a few things for Friday since that day gives me a little break between to prepare for the weekend and posting the chapter.

I'll probably add more days as time goes on. You can still send in asks on the days I'm gone, but just know I won't see them or respond to them until later in the week. I already get behind by a couple days on asks anyway so that's not much of a change.

Don't feel bad for sending them either, I love getting all these asks, I just tend to get behind on days I spend more time writing.

The second order of business

has to do with my taglist. Most of you probably haven't noticed (which I don't blame you lol) but my taglist has gotten very big. Very, very big. It's just over 230 people right now, and I'm sure there will be others asking to join. It's quite time consuming to do all of these tags for every chapter (especially since we can't tag in blocks anymore) so I've been doing some thinking into how I can make it easier for me, and for you.

I know there's at least one blog I've heard of, though I'm sure there's more, that have made side blogs that they have people follow and turn on notifications for and just make a post on that blog when they post a chapter or fic, etc. I've been considering doing that since the taglist is a lot of work and time.

I've also seen blogs that have side blogs that just post chapters/fics and nothing else. I know quite a few of you only follow for the fic, so if anyone is interested, I could put together a side blog like that as well that you can follow and get notifications from instead of having to follow this blog and having to go through the probably 100 posts that I make a day 😂 (at least it feels that way for me)

Having a separate blog for the taglist too would allow me to schedule posts so I can have them come out a bit earlier than I get up for those of you across the world who stay up to read and have to wait for me to post in the morning when I get up (or later like today because I slept in). Of course Ao3 will get posted later because I can't schedule posts there, but at least for Tumblr I can have things post earlier.

So let me know what you think about the taglist side blog and the possible just chapters/fics side blog. Feel free to send in asks (anonymously or not) with your opinion. I might not answer them all (not tonight because my brain is fried and honestly i'm not sure if this is even comprehensible English) but I will at least use them to make the decision (or make a post with all of them and answer it as just one).

[no-goodbyes-no-regrets]

Look at me finally finishing something!

For @bucktommyfluffebruary day 5: Mundane chores

Operation Supermarket (AO3)

Food shop/grocery shopping

(it's mostly from Tommy's pov so Buck is referred to as Evan)

I have a lot of partially written fics/ficlets for almost all of the days, and I do plan on finishing all of them - though they probably won't be posted on the 'right' days.

----

"Do you have the list?"

"Yup. Right here." Tommy handed over the item as he pushed their shopping cart into the supermarket with his free hand.

He'd given Evan free rein of the kitchen and planning their second six month anniversary, and the other man approached it with an almost military precision.

He'd spent weeks scrolling through cooking websites, looking through cookbooks, and even a Rolodex of recipes he'd gotten from somewhere until he'd put together the perfect anniversary dinner.

Even though Tommy had told him more than once he'd be happy to go out to dinner or even just order a pizza.

"Babe you forgot the garlic." Evan pulled him out of his thoughts, studying the shopping list and apparently making notes.

Tommy had no idea where he'd even gotten a pen from.

"No, I didn't forget it, I didn't put it on the list because we still have some."

"No we don't, I used the last of it last night."

Tommy frowned.

"We ordered in last night."

"Yeah but I started prepping for dinner tonight while you were at the game with Eddie." Evan explained. "The sauce takes a long time... and it needs garlic. Which you forgot to put on the list, even though I wrote it on the note board on the fridge."

The small white board and marker on his fridge had been one of Evan's changes to his kitchen when he'd started spending more time at Tommy's place and essentially made the kitchen his own.

He had to admit it was useful to keep track of what he'd ran out of and what he needed to buy for specific meals, or even just what was on offer, but Tommy had always been a quick look in the fridge before leaving for the store kind of guy, and usually decided on the spot if he liked any of the special offers.

Evan's methods were very different.

"The note board doesn't work if you don't look at it, Tom." Evan sighed.

"I'm trying to make myself remember, I promise."

"You can just get rid of it if you don't like it... but I just... I thought it was a good way to keep track of things."

"It is. I'm just not really used to it yet." Tommy explained. "You have a certain way of doing things and I have mine, we just need to find a way to make them fit with mine. And we will."

Evan gave him a small smile and turned back to the list.

"Alright if we go aisle to aisle, it'll be more efficient, and we'll have time to stop by Miceli's."

"Miceli's? I thought you didn't want to go back there because the place is cursed?"

"It is cursed." Evan said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "But you love their spumoni and the tiramisu is great... and we can still treat ourselves to the food if we take it to go."

"So the curse is just the building then? Not the food?" Tommy teased. "Are we really going to risk it?"

"Yes because I'm not letting you walk away again." Evan vowed. "Been there, done that, didn't enjoy it, won't be doing it again."

"Same here." Tommy smiled. "Ok, so, garlic. What else is on the list?"

Evan scanned the list and looked around the store.

"We need bread and those crackers you like that taste of nothing."

"They're a healthy and easy snack." Tommy protested

"It's like eating cardboard." Evan replied without missing a beat. "Right, I need to pick up some snacks for Jee because I have her on Thursday... and you start a 48 on Friday that overlaps with my 72 starting Saturday, so we'll be back at yours... Tuesday or Wednesday. Unless you want to come over to mine right after my shift? Or you could stop by the firehouse after yours, I'm sure everyone would love to see you. And you know Bobby is fine with it as long as everything still gets done. And - " he looked up to find Tommy staring at him. "What? What's that look?"

"What look? I don't have a look."

"Yes you do. You -"

"He loves you honey." an old lady patted Evan on the arm. "My husband used to look at me like that. We were together 44 years. You hold onto to that one honey. He's a good one. I can see it in his eyes." she smiled at them both and then continued with her shopping.

Tommy walked over to him, slid his arms around Evan's waist and kissed him.

"Yeah. What she said."

[lizdenys]

NYC folks!! Want to help make our streets safer and reduce car dependency? Join me in testifying in support of universal daylighting at City Council's Transportation Committee Hearing on Monday, April 21. One of the bills being heard is CM Won's Intro 1138, which would require the city to implement universal daylighting and add hardened daylighting at 1000 intersections each year.

Sign up to testify at the Intro 1138 (universal daylighting) hearing on City Council's website: https://council.nyc.gov/testify/.

Select "Mon, April 21, 2025 @ 10:00 AM - Committee on Transportation and Infrastructure" for the meeting.

You're likely representing "self" (unless you represent an organization officially for testimony)!

What is daylighting, you might ask? Daylighting means no longer allowing parking in the 20 feet adjacent to intersections, which increases visibility for all road users!

Sick of close calls with drivers when you're walking in a crosswalk?

Want to reduce car dependency, which would in turn reduce demands for parking in new housing construction, which we know increases rents?

Tired of having to walk or bike into the intersection - where a car might hit you - just to see if you can cross safely?

Tired of going to Community Board meetings and hearing that street improvement projects like bus and bike lanes can't be made better because they'd have to remove some parking at intersections to do that?

Want to add additional seating, bike corrals, or more rain gardens?

Universal daylighting would fix or improve all these things!

FYI, there's also corresponding state legislation, A09985/S09769, which would require NYC to implement universal daylighting, but it's moving a little slower right now.

I'll be at the Intro 1138 hearing on Monday, April 21 in person to testify, but as with any Council hearing, you can also testify remotely on Zoom or send in written testimony (it's too early to have that information to share though). City Council members will start off the hearing talking about the bills on the docket to DOT representatives, so public testimony probably won't start until around 11am or noon. Expect to have 2 minutes for your testimony.

If you can't take the day off - which makes sense, it's during most folks' workdays and the hearings can run really long - you can testify on Zoom or send in written testimony. I'll post about that when that information is up! If you testify on Zoom, you only need to be present when you're called to testify, but you do need to be in the Zoom to be called on to testify. If you'd like to testify on Zoom in favor of lifesaving daylighting, you can connect with me (email me - see my website) so you can put the Zoom on mute and get a ping from me when you're called since I'm taking the day off to help folks speak up for this.

There's also going to be a rally ahead of the hearing on City Hall steps, too, at 9 am to support universal daylighting. You can RSVP to the rally and to testify with Transportation Alternatives or Open Plans.

Some resources and events that can help you prepare to testify, especially if it's your first time:

Open Plans is hosting a virtual session this Thursday, April 10 at 6pm about testifying for this bill!

Transportation Alternatives Brooklyn Activist Committee is hosting an in person work party for writing testimony and making signs for the rally on Monday, April 14 at 6pm! (I'm one of the hosts of this event - I'll be there in my N95 mask.)

Transportation Alternatives has an overview of how to testify at City Council.

Let's get universal daylighting - a lifesaving street safety improvement!

[astral-athame]

((Life Update / Kitty Update (mostly Kitty Update; I want to preface this by saying, though, don't worry, everything is okay!):

So after I got home from work on Thursday, I spent the whole afternoon / evening until my sister got home from work at 11pm monitoring our 10 year old cat, Luke. He hadn't defecated since about Tuesday afternoon, as far as we could tell and we were starting to get worried.

Still, he did nothing. I spent most of Thursday in at least some mild stress / panic over it. He was eating and playing fine, though, which was good.

By yesterday morning, still nothing. We called our primary vet just a couple minutes after they opened at 8 and, of all weekends for the vet to be out, it had to be this one. The receptionist told me that usually they would take him in ASAP to check on him for us, but the vet was out of town until Monday and we definitely didn't want to wait until Monday.

So the emergency vet it was.

Thankfully, the one nearby took him (so we didn't have to make a 2+ hour trip like we did with Remy in September) and got him in fairly quickly. They did an x-ray and found... a gas bubble. That was it. But because he hadn't gone in so long and there was still a chance that he had a partial blockage, we let them do a dye test, too, where they essentially see how the dye passes through him to determine if there's a blockage that they can't catch in the x-ray (he was at the emergency vet from about 11am to 7pm). And... nope. No blockage. Which was good because that meant no surgery. They gave him some medication to help him and we have some more that they sent home with us just to be sure he keeps going consistently, and by last night he defecated.

This is all fantastic news, of course! And I'm glad we took him in to be safe! The issue, though? It cost us over $1000 just to find out he had a gas bubble. So we are currently in a pretty strapped financial situation (my sister maxed out what she had left on two credit cards to pay for it). We also have Ezri's appointment on Tuesday and hopefully her spaying soon after, so that's going to be another financial hit.

We should be alright, this is NOT me asking for money. Just... it's gonna be a stressful month trying to get things back together (especially considering we're still also trying to finish paying off a trip we're going on over this summer). I'm also giving this as a warning in the very slight possibility that we won't be able to afford paying our internet bill this month.

I'll probably still be around at about the same frequency as usual (which I know is only a couple times a week, if that, at the moment). But, yeah, just wanted to give an update because I was hoping to be around on my birthday or yesterday, at least. And now, after being in full stress mode for the last two days and having worked double yesterday (and with a sudden resurgence of snow and freezing rain last night and today) I am EXHAUSTED. Also, a horribly insensitive coworker last night mentioned that we should have just put Luke down instead of getting him all this help because that's "too much to be spending on just a pet" and then he got pissy when I snapped at him for it. Like, no. I'd happily pay that all over again to be sure he was alright and that, if he wasn't, they could do something for him. We've had him since he was 6 weeks old. He's my baby. I love him and I would do anything for him. That set me in a bad mood for my entire shift last night ^^;

Anyway- love y'all and I hope you're doing well <3))

[sarcasticbabywhispererjess]

*trigger warning* For those not in the headspace to see about grief and pets just skip this one.

Isis has been declining health-wise over the last year or so, more severely the past couple of months. I honestly wasn't sure she was going to make it into the new year or her birthday (a week ago). The only reason she's even been eating the last few months is because I've been making her chicken and eggs with toast and cheese twice a day. Occasionally she'll be hungry enough to eat a little dog food, but it has been rare. But the fact that she still wants to eat a majority of the time gave me solace.

Her mobility has also gotten worse. Specifically her back end. She struggles to get up on the couch... and stay on the couch when she lays down too close to the edge (she just slides off onto the floor if I don't manually move her over). Our walks are really slow going (30-45mins/mile). The last couple of days she's really been struggling and has been pretty agitated too. Just walking in circles. Yesterday I think she was doing that outside and she fell off our little patio into a small garden plot. She couldn't get herself up alone. I gave her trazodone Monday night because she was so agitated. For some reason this kills her mobility, so I had to carry her up the stairs to go potty even in the morning.

I don't mind doing all of these things for her (I haven't even mentioned the amount of indoor potty accidents I've had to clean up... which also sometimes include a bath) because I love her. But I don't think she's even remotely having a good time anymore. I thought when she stopped eating, I'd know. Or when she wouldn't go for walks, I'd know. People have been telling me that I'd know when it was time. She's still eating and going for walks, but she's so agitated at night (sometimes during the day) and just seems like she's not having a good time.

So I think it's time. Time to let her go. Which is hurting my heart so much to even think about. I know it is an act of love to stop her suffering, but to suddenly be without my only constant companion of almost 16 years is going to be so hard. I know it is selfish to be thinking of my own comfort in this situation, though I doubt it is all that unique of me.

I emailed my vet last night about the situation and they replied this morning asking me when I'd like to come in. I've been crying and torturing myself about the decision for the last two hours. To think that this time Friday or Saturday she'll be gone depending on my decision. I considered maybe we could just wait until after I finish my work week. But that means the earliest we'd probably do it would be Thursday of next week. Would it be fair to Isis to make her suffer for another week just for me? I don't think she's in any considerable physical pain, but mentally she's doesn't seem great. Like her doggy dementia is also getting worse. I considered maybe she had another UTI, but she doesn't have any other symptoms.

If I'm honest, I think in the back of my mind I'm hoping that if I wait maybe she'll just pass on her own and I won't have to make the decision. I've been back and forth between emailing the vet to set a date and emailing to say I want to wait until next week. I don't know what to do.

This venting/trauma dump has gone on way longer than I had planned. No decision has been made, but I've cried many more tears.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3901

i woke up earlier and then i fell back asleep and i missed the window to take my meds.

i slept in until 10 and stayed in bed, and then i finally got up and showered and dressed and went to the school to help kendall but she wound up talking to melissa for a long time and ended up only having like 20 minutes to work with me, 15 of which she spent getting a drink, going to the bathroom, and printing off an assignment. so i spent the remaining time explaining the assignment and foundation of it to her and then she realized she needed to leave for work. so that was frustrating. i love the girl but she has no concept of time or time management. absolutely none. priorities? nah. honey. that assignment was due today. not next week, not tomorrow. today.

sigh.

anyway, i stayed at the school for a long time doing nothing and trying to organize myself, but i got some good news! i got an email from a job i applied to last week and i scheduled a brief interview for thursday :) i'm excited! but i hope it goes well. there is a good chance it won't because the last company i spoke to during my search ghosted me, probably because she made some assumptions about why i left biogen that i did not correct. she didn't leave them open for answers; they weren't questions. besides, i wasn't told why i got fired so i can't give a reason. i'm still mad about that. just tell me. cowards.

anyway. calendar filled in, too much to do, i want to reschedule my dentist appointment tomorrow because i am NOT ready for fillings to be put in. i really just want to not deal with it. no please no needles please i have so much problem with it.

anyway.

i stopped at dairy queen on my way home around 7pm. had a twist cone and a root beer. took the trash out of my car. still the rental. had chicken pot pies for dinner, didn't eat a whole pie. hoped for it but did not. watched comedy tv for a bit. in bed now.

i'm fuckin tired. joel's gotta switch his mom's laundry over and bring it upstairs. it's "almost dry" and has been for like an hour. like it had 19 minutes and then half an hour later it was 23 minutes left. so that sucks.

it's fine. i have too much to do and i'm struggling with it. womp womp.

i need to change that appointment tomorrow. no thanks.

[moonchildreads]

small town

Chapter 22 - Let's Dance

IN THIS CHAPTER: Matching outfits, a parking lot talk, and Hellfire does Prom [10.5k]

WARNINGS: underaged drinking (no one gets drunk), mentions of teenage delinquency, Eddie being an unreliable source of info about Hawkins' recent oddities, shitty former friends and partner

A/N: so. this chapter was supposed to come out last week but i got food poisoning, which turned into me taking a day off work because i felt like shit and when i returned, it got insanely hectic to the point where i did three extra hours today. life is lifing, friends! in order to keep myself sane (i cried at work again today, it's not looking good folks) i'm gonna throw away the update schedule and post whenever i feel like it. i'm still gonna aim at one chapter per week though! i just won't make promises on dates anymore because nothing is working out irl at the moment. anyways, enjoy the chapter and i'll see you when i see you (soon, i promise)!

masterlist - prev - next | playlist

Put on your red shoes And dance the blues

Friday, June 6th - 1986

On Thursday afternoon, Eddie Munson made the mistake of not telling Dottie Burke - his girlfriend that wasn’t actually his girlfriend because he hadn’t asked her out yet - why he couldn’t drive his friends to Donny’s family restaurant for dinner before prom. They’d been lounging on her bedroom’s window seat, radio playing at a low volume while they lazily kissed and cuddled, taking full advantage of the fact that her Dad hadn’t arrived from work yet when Eddie mentioned having to run an errand with Wayne on Friday after school. He said he was probably going to arrive late to the gathering, so they should make plans without him and he’d meet them at the restaurant whenever he was done. The metalhead noticed how Dottie freezed in his arms, lifting herself up from her comfortable position on his chest and put a little distance between them, but since she didn’t inquire further, he simply left a few hours later without ever explaining himself, leaving her to sink into a spiral of self-doubt and very familiar anxiety that left her equal parts jittery and exhausted.

That night after dinner, Dottie called her Auntie Rachel to ease the pang of rising panic, desperately seeking reassurance from the older woman who was always plenty eager to provide a pep talk to her favorite niece whenever she needed one. Everything will be fine, Rachel had said while nursing a glass of red wine all the way in her apartment in New York, her kids already tucked into bed and a newly acquired romance book waiting for her on her bedside table. Stop worrying about it, bug. Senior prom will be the best prom of your life. But as much as she tried to help, Auntie Rachel hadn’t been made aware yet of the change in her niece’s relationship with the older boy, so her advice rang hollow in Dottie’s ears, and the teen had ended up having a pitiful and unsatisfactory sleep before what was supposed to be the most exciting day of her senior year up until that moment.

Still, Eddie had behaved completely normal on Friday at school towards her and their friends, which had eased her nerves slightly. He didn’t make any comments about being anything less than happy to attend his first and hopefully last senior prom, and once he’d dropped Gareth off at his house, he’d lingered in Dottie’s driveway for ten long minutes. Eddie let himself enjoy the feeling of her mouth against his while a gentle drizzle hit his van windows before she finally headed into her house and he sped away towards his mysterious errand. Her best guess that the reason he had never really explained himself was because he was off to do something that was private to his uncle, and she hoped it wasn’t anything health related; Wayne wasn’t exactly old, but he also wasn’t young, and she didn’t like the idea of him having to go through any kind of medical emergency or invasive treatment. And so Friday evening found Dottie at her desk putting the finishing touches on her makeup look, and Eddie on the other side of Hawkins pleading to the stars above his head that his not-yet-girlfriend would understand his weird need for secrecy by the time the night had ended. Hopefully.

“How are you feeling, honey?�� James asked, leaning against Dottie’s door frame as she took the last rollers out of her hair and sprayed her curls into place.

“Excited? Honestly a little bit terrified,” she confided in him. “I keep thinking that I’m gonna look around at some point and everyone will have gone home without me.”

“I really don’t think the guys would do that to you, but if they do or you want to leave at any point and for any reason, you can call me, okay? Don’t come home alone.”

“No, I know,” she smiled at him, but it looked more like a nervous grimace than anything else. “I promise I’ll call, I put coins in my purse just in case.”

“Great,” he came to stand behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders reassuringly. “But don’t go in there expecting the worst either. Everything’s gonna be great, honey, you’ll see. Just have a little faith.”

“I really hope you’re right this time, Dad.”

For the next few seconds, each of them were lost in their own painful memories from barely a year ago; James vividly remembered sitting down on their old couch with a can of beer in his hand and a rented movie in the VCR before a younger Dottie barrelled through their front door, shoes dangling from her fingers and black mascara streaking down her cheeks, running towards her bedroom where she locked herself into for 12 straight hours. In turn, all Dottie could think about was how she’d never gotten to see the inside of the gymnasium that was supposed to have been transformed into a fairy wonderland. Her Dad squeezed her shoulders with a comforting touch, dislodging the dark thoughts from her mind before dread overtook her and left her paralyzed once more. She picked up her Mom’s wedding earrings from her little jewelry box and quickly put them on, completing her outfit. Dainty gold pieces secured in place at her earlobes, she rose from her chair and twirled once to show off her full look, fluffy dress glinting as she moved.

During their weekend visit to Hawkins, Aunt Mary Elizabeth had put her sewing skills to good use and shortened the floor-length gown until it reached Dottie’s calves, the golden metallic heels they’d gotten at that heaven-sent Indy thrift store perfectly on display on her feet. She felt like a movie star, ready to walk down the red carpet with a handsome date and be adored by her fans, camera flashes blinding her as she glided effortlessly through a crowded room like she’d always belonged there. Except there were no fans, no paparazzi, and no handsome date either, just her Dad helping her into the front seat of their car so they could pick up the first of her friends for what was surely going to be a night to remember.

Their first stop of the night was at Gareth’s house. James hadn’t even put the car into park before the poor boy was jogging down his front lawn, trying to escape his mother who had been obsessively taking pictures of him in his rented black tux and bright red bowtie in various places around their home. Much to Gareth’s dismay, James insisted on saying hello to his parents before they left, so while he chatted amicably with dad Gavriel, Lydia made her son and his best friend pose in front of her bushes as a backdrop to fulfill the role of nosy journalist in Dottie’s movie star dreams. As much as they complained, the two teens hugged each other and smiled for photos until their eyes were wet from the flash going off and it was finally time to wrap up the shoot and head to their next stop.

The scenario repeated itself at Jeff’s house. His mom, Tricia, prompted Dottie to stand between him and Gareth in the middle of the living room, her son’s white suit jacket with black lapels contrasting nicely with his friend’s black jacket and white button up. As the two boys crowded their friend and planted big wet kisses on both of her rosy colored cheeks while the flashes kept going off, their vision for the night started to become clear: Dottie’s red dress, Gareth’s red bowtie and Jeff’s red Chuck Taylors and cummerbund were difficult to not notice, their club colors proudly and prominently on display leaving no doubts as to whom they belonged with. There might not have been a fancy date à la Rob Lowe or Ally Sheedy to walk hand in hand with into the packed Hawkins High gym, but the Hellfire Class of ‘86 didn’t need any of that to face their prom night - they just needed each other. Tricia promised James she’d get copies of all the photos printed for him and so the teens packed once again into the car and drove away to their final destination.

Donny’s family restaurant wasn’t as fancy as Enzo’s, but in their opinion, it was definitely way more charming. With its big sign spelling Giulia’s in cursive and a homely feel that could be experienced since before they had even walked in, big flower boxes decorated the outside and stereotypical checkered tablecloths were visible from the huge front windows. Donny had been waiting for them at one of the booths near the counter, flowers on every table and tea candles setting the mood for all the couples and groups of friends stopping by to have some authentic Italian pizza or pasta before dancing the night away in their heavily decorated school gymnasium.

“Hey, Don! Looking sharp!” James exclaimed from the driver seat when he pulled up to the restaurant as Donny rushed to keep the front door open for his friends.

“Thanks, Mr. Burke!” he beamed, blue eyes twinkling under the streetlights. “You wanna stay over for pizza?”

“No, thank you, you kids have fun, okay?” he turned to his daughter who lingered in the co-pilot seat. “Take care, honey. I love you.”

“Thanks, Dad. I love you too,” Dottie said, giving him a big hug.

James was so thankful she’d never gone through an I’m ashamed of showing my parent affection in public phase. He watched how Jeff hurried to catch the door when Donny left his post to greet Dottie, spinning her around once and making her laugh, her anxiety visibly melting as the boys made her feel more cared for and loved than she’d ever thought a friend could make her feel in her life. They all waved James goodbye as he drove away, his eyes glossy at the knowledge that his baby was rapidly growing and would inevitably stop needing him, but also incredibly proud of not only her but Donny, Jeff, and Gareth for being such good people to one another. It almost made him wish they’d moved back to his hometown earlier if it meant he’d see his daughter smile as bright as she did every day now.

“Hey, welcome!” Donny’s dad Angelo shouted from the door to the kitchen, his white apron stained with red sauce and his balding head covered with a stripy black and white bandana. “Thought you had gotten lost on your way over! Everyone likes margherita, right?”

“That the one with anchovies we had last time?” Gareth asked as they seated themselves into the booth, ignoring the looks they were getting from the other guests as they talked loudly over their heads.

“That’s the romana,” Donny said, going through the big beverage fridge at the back of the counter where his older sister Isabella was fiddling with the register. “Margherita is sauce, cheese and basil.”

“Oooooh, I love basil,” Dottie said, caging Jeff between herself and Gareth.

“We’re good with margherita, papà!” Donny placed glass soda bottles for everyone on the table and plopped himself down besides Dottie. “You look really pretty, by the way.”

“Thank you! You clean up nice too,” she smiled at him, and he chuckled shyly, not used to all the attention.

“Angelo, why didn’t you say the kids were here already?” Bianca, Donny’s mom, said coming out from the kitchen carrying pasta dishes for another table.

“They just arrived, cuore mio,” Angelo said, kissing the side of her head as he walked past him before he returned to the kitchen and busied himself with more cooking.

“Let me see you, boys, you’re looking handsome!” Bianca beamed at Gareth and Jeff, the two rowdy teens she’d known since before they could tie their own shoes. “And this is Dorothy, right?”

“Just Dottie is fine, mamma,” Donny corrected his Mom.

“Isn’t she a doll! Donatello said you’re interested in joining us for the summer, is that right?”

“Yes, ma’am, I’d love to work for you,” Dottie said, ignoring how her friends were snickering at the mention of Donny’s full first name.

“Do you have any experience?”

“Not as a waitress, but I was a babysitter back in New York since I was 13. I took a Red Cross course and everything. And I have CPR and First Aid certification if that helps.”

“We’ll talk more after graduation, but job’s yours if you want it,” Bianca said with a kind smile before hurrying over to attend to a customer.

“That was the quickest job interview I’ve ever seen in my life,” Jeff laughed.

“If we’re all gonna have money in our pockets, summer’s gonna be fucking awesome,” said Gareth, and everyone couldn’t help but agree with him.

By the time only pizza crust and empty cups of tiramisù remained on the table, everyone was feeling ready for some good old teenage fun on a sweaty dance floor. At some point during the dinner, Donny’s older sister Isabella had brought out a camera and taken a couple of snapshots of the group, wanting to preserve the memory of her little brother going to his first ever high school dance. Donny was acting like a peacock in his maroon suit with a matching black button up and tie; he’d even gelled his curls back, his stud earring glinting in the candlelight whenever he turned his head. As their classmates started leaving but their group remained behind, Dottie began to worry once again. Where in the world was Eddie, and why hadn’t he shown up yet? When she excused herself to the bathroom to reapply her bright red lipstick in an attempt to hide her nervous breathing, the boys huddled up in the booth, voices dropping to a low mumble, heads close together above the table.

“Where the fuck is he?” Gareth hissed.

“He said he was gonna be late, but this is too much,” Jeff said.

“You think he chickened out?”

“No way,” Donny said, confidently. “He was really excited about the surprise, he wouldn’t flake on us like that.”

“Well, he better show up or I’m beating his ass,” Gareth said. “Dot doesn’t deserve to go through another sucky prom.”

“Fuck, I didn’t even think about her,” Jeff’s eyes went wide. “She’s gonna be devastated if he doesn’t come.”

“He’ll come,” Donny nodded. “He’s not gonna stand her up. Like, if anyone knows how much this means to her, it’s probably Ed. They tell each other everything.”

“Okay, I’m ready to roll,” Dottie said, making their heads snap up at her voice. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah! You wanna get going now or do we wait for a bit longer?” Gareth asked.

“I… I dunno, guys. I don’t think Eddie’s coming,” she said, resigned. Jeff and Donny looked at each other.

“I’m gonna call him,” Donny decided. “You guys wait here.”

He shouldn’t have called, because when he returned to the table and said no one had picked up, the way Dottie’s face fell was enough to make them all feel incredibly guilty about something that wasn’t even their fault. They watched her school her features, masking the disappointment behind a friendly smile while she gathered her purse and slid out of the booth like nothing was bothering her. They said their goodbyes to the Vitale family, nonna Giulia coming out from the back to see her only grandson off (and pinch all their cheeks), and finally headed towards Donny’s car with a false sense of cheeriness but the best intentions at heart. The boys weren’t gonna let anything ruin the night for their friend, insisting on opening doors for Dottie and taking turns to offer her their arms to hold onto. Donny was unlocking his car’s doors when a very familiar brown van pulled up behind him, Eddie spilling out hurriedly without turning it off first.

“Jesus Christ, fuck, I’m so sorry,” he breathed out, jogging to catch up with his friends.

“You jackass, where the hell were you?” Jeff scolded him, but his words lost all edge when he pulled the long haired boy into a side hug.

“I’ll tell you later, but fuck man, I really thought I wasn’t gonna make it,” Eddie laughed, turning to hug Gareth.

“Is Wayne okay?” Dottie asked.

“Yeah, he’s fine, don’t worry about him,” he turned around and felt his soul leave his body when his eyes rested upon her. “I, uh- wow.”

“What’s wrong?” she said, looking down at her dress with a frown.

“Nothing! You- you look really nice,” he couldn’t hide his smile even if he tried, and he didn’t want to.

“Oh. Thank you, you look nice too,” she smiled back.

“Let’s take a picture before we leave now that we’re all here,” Donny said, waving through the window at Isabella, who immediately understood the assignment.

“We should take the camera with us,” Gareth proposed, and Jeff nodded in agreement.

Isabella had a few stern words towards Eddie for being late, but when she made them pose on the street, the light spilling out from the inside of the restaurant illuminating their happy faces, she couldn’t stop a fond expression from gracing her features. Donny hadn’t had an easy time throughout his school years, but it was this group of kids in front of her that had made everything better for him. She remembered the summer barbeques in the backyard with a younger Jeff, that one time Gareth lost a tooth munching too harshly on a cannoli, and that first day Donny brought Eddie over. She had asked her boyfriend (now husband) to help her keep an eye on the older boy throughout his visit, worried about what a junior could possibly want with her little brother. They’d talked about Lord of the Rings and played checkers for hours, and she’d heard Eddie warning a freshman Donny about certain teachers and how to avoid getting on their bad side, which softened her attitude towards the lanky teen considerably.

Truthfully, Isabella wasn’t one to judge quickly, but she had been worried about Dottie when Donny first began dropping her name in conversations at family gatherings. Girls had never been particularly nice to her brother while growing up, and as the eldest Vitale sister, she could be a little overprotective when it came to her siblings, especially towards her only brother. But here Dottie was, huddled up between Gareth and Donny, head resting lightly on her brother’s shoulder to be captured in a picture forever and looking happy about it, and Isabella knew this new addition to the group had been good for everyone. They were all wearing matching formal outfits, for Christ’s sake! After Isabella returned inside and everyone started heading towards Donny’s car again, Eddie grabbed Dottie’s wrist and stopped her from following their friends.

“Hey,” he said, tilting his head to the side. “Ride with me?”

“I, uh…,” she turned to look at the rest of the guys who were waiting for her a few steps ahead.

“I kinda wanted to talk to you about something important.”

“O-okay,” she said, heart sinking into her stomach. “I’m gonna ride with Eddie, guys.”

“Everything okay?” Jeff asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I’ll tell you later,” Eddie said. “Meet us in the parking lot?”

He guided Dottie towards his van with a hand on the small of her back, holding her little gold purse for her as she climbed inside and clicked her seatbelt on, their friends slowly driving away without waiting for them to catch up. Once she was seated and her skirt was out of danger from getting caught in the door, Eddie closed it, jogged to the driver’s side and jumped inside, turning on the van and heading towards Hawkins High School. They stayed quiet for a whole block and when Dottie moved to turn on the radio to fill the awkward silence, he caught her hand in the air and brought it to his lips for a quick peck, the loving gesture helping her relax into her seat.

“I’m sorry I was late,” he said. “I had to do something important and it took me longer than I thought it would.”

His hair was still a little bit damp from his hurried shower, and he was wearing a black button up shirt with the sleeves barely rolled up, his good black jeans without holes in them with the chains on the side, and black boots. Chrissy’s birthday gift was the only pop of color in his all black ensemble, the red tie carefully ironed and knotted at the base of his throat.

“You look really handsome,” Dottie muttered with an airy tone, interlacing their fingers.

“And you look stunning,” he smiled softly, glancing at her before he turned his eyes back to the road. “Kinda took my breath away when I saw you.”

“Was worried you weren’t gonna show up,” she admitted.

“And leave my girl hanging? I’d never,” Eddie said, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand. My girl. She could get used to that. “I should have just told you what I was up to, but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“Surprise?”

“Check the glove box,” he said, pointing to it with his chin.

Dottie retrieved her hand from his grasp and opened it as instructed, pulling out two envelopes from the inside: one was white and looked like it contained a letter or a folded piece of paper, the other one was big and brown. She looked at him warily with a million questions in her eyes; he grinned mischievously in return.

“Open the small one first,” Eddie said.

Curiously, she opened the white letter and unfolded the single sheet of paper, finding in her hands a copy of Eddie’s school transcript. At the bottom, written in what she recognized as Ms. Kelly’s handwriting after seeing it for almost six months straight during their check-ins, were Eddie’s final grades for his third senior year. Not quite believing what she was seeing, she read them again and again, the information in front of her eyes staring back at her impassively.

“Stop the van,” she said, her gaze still stuck to the paper.

“What?”

“Fucking pull over, Ed!” she clicked her seatbelt off and threw the papers towards the dashboard, barely waiting until he’d hit the brakes before throwing herself onto him and planting a kiss on his lips.

“Wait, wait-” he laughed loudly, pulling her out of her seat and into his lap, her poofy dress covering his legs.

“I’m so- fucking- proud of you-” Dottie said, kissing him over and over, not caring if her lipstick was transferring onto his skin.

“Yeah? You are?” Eddie asked, giddy. “I had a meeting with Ms. Kelly today,” he began explaining, and she stopped kissing him to hear his story, her hands dropping to his shoulders where she played with his hair as he melted under her touch. “Dropped you off and booked it back to school. Last two times she called me to her office a week before graduation, she told me I wasn’t making it so I kinda shit my pants there for a minute but I knew I did good this time, I could feel it.”

“You did, babe, you did so good,” she grinned at him with hearts in her eyes.

“We did it,” he pressed a noisy kiss to her cheek, making her giggle. “We’re graduating together.”

“Hell yeah we are!” she moved to kiss him again but he dodged her, leaning to the side to get the other envelope from his dashboard.

“Hold on, that was only half of the surprise,” Eddie said, offering the papers back to her. “Open this one next.”

“Is this gonna say you got a full ride to come to Michigan with me or what?” she joked, pulling out the documents. “Oh, a job application! You mentioned this the other day-”

“Turn to the second page.”

“Holy shit! You got it?”

“I got it!”

In her hands, was a copy of his filled out job application and an informal looking contract, but a contract nonetheless. It was missing Eddie’s signature at the bottom, but that was merely a formality: she was looking at Thatcher Tires’ newest employee, with his starting date stamped as Monday, June 16th, the day after graduation weekend. It was only a part-time apprentice position, but it came with the promise of being promoted to assistant and eventually to full-time if he did well, and it was so much more than anyone else had been willing to give to Eddie before. Dottie looked at him with wet eyes and so much love inside her she didn’t know what to do except scoop him into her arms and squeeze him tightly against her chest like she never wanted to let go, lest he thought she wasn’t as equally over the moon about the news as he was.

“I’m just… fuck, Ed, this is huge,” she pressed her nose to his neck and he wrapped his arms around her, breathing in deeply.

“I know. It feels huge,” he chuckled. “Never thought I’d graduate and get a real job, y’know. Wayne cried when I told him.”

“That’s so sweet.”

“Yeah,” he sniffed. “I decided I’m not gonna deal anymore either. I’m just selling what I have left now and then I’m done with that shit. Forever. I… I wanna be good for you, darling. I wanna be the kinda man you deserve.”

“Ed, you don’t have to change who you are for me,” she lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him, her hands coming to hold the sides of his face tenderly. “I fell in love with you like this, I’m not gonna change my mind all of a sudden. I’m so sorry if I made you feel like you had to be anything different than who you are, I-”

“No, no, that’s not it,” he said quickly, hands settling on her waist. “I’m just… You deserve a good man, Dot, and I wanna be that. I wanna be a good man. I- I just didn’t think I could be good before, y’know? Everyone’s always talking about how I’m so fuckin’ stupid, and how I’d never do shit with my life, and I guess at some point I started believing they were right, and- I dunno. I don’t wanna be useless and I don’t wanna end up in jail with my asshole Dad like everyone in this shit town thinks I will. And- and when I met you and you were all like you’re really smart, Eddie, you’re just lazy, you were right, darling, you were so fuckin’ right. You always are,” he was looking at her with so much intensity she had to close her eyes and lean forward, their foreheads resting against each other’s. “I wanna look at myself in a mirror and see what you see. I wanna be good.”

“You are,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to his nose. “You are so good, Eddie. You are the best thing in this whole town and I love you so much.”

“Say that again, please.”

“I love you.”

“One more time?”

“I love you, Edward Munson,” Dottie kissed him sweetly. “I love you.”

“Shit,” he grinned. “You really love me.”

“Of course I do.”

“I love you too, baby. So, so much.”

They stayed like that for a few seconds, Dottie sitting on his lap, her thighs bracketing his, his thumbs rubbing circles on her sides and her hands cupping the sides of his jaw, noses pressed together. They didn’t kiss, because it didn’t seem enough to express what they were feeling right at that moment. It almost felt childish to do so, like kissing was something they usually did for fun and the real intimacy came from just existing in the same space, breathing the same air, feeling each other’s warmth under their hands and just how alive the other felt when skin was pressed against skin. A truck full of rowdy classmates that were clearly somewhat inebriated sped down the street, the loud music coming from their speakers breaking their fairytale bubble and bringing them back to real life. With a shy smile, Dottie collected all the documents strewn around them before moving back to her seat and clicking her seatbelt back on while Eddie tried to wipe her lipstick from his face with a tissue he’d stolen from her purse and water from an old plastic bottle. Once she’d reapplied her makeup and he was sufficiently clean so as not to raise suspicions, Eddie pulled back into the road towards the school, holding Dottie’s hand in his for just a few more minutes.

“You know what I realized the other day?” he said, stopping at a red light. “I didn’t used to be scared of jail when Chief Hopper was still around.”

“Really? Why not?”

“Because Hopper didn’t give two shits about me selling. He busted me a couple of times, gave me a talking to and dropped me off back home. I think he knew I was just doing it ‘cause we needed the money, I wasn’t gonna become a career criminal or some shit like that. He was cool.”

“And the new chief isn’t?”

“Powell’s useless,” Eddie scoffed. “He’s still trying to convince everyone he has what it takes to be like Hopper and no one believes he’s got it. And Callahan is a fucking moron. You know those handcuffs I’ve got in my bedroom?”

“I’m guessing you didn’t get those in a magician’s kit,” Dottie joked.

“They’re Callahan’s,” he grinned. “He caught me buying when I was like 15, put the cuffs on me and everything. Took me to the station and when Hopper saw me at his desk, he turned around and called him a drama queen, told him he was “wasting police resources” over nothing. It was awesome. I swiped the cuffs before Hopper took me home. Wayne wasn’t too happy about it though, he grounded me for like a month but I thought it was worth it.”

“So you stole a police officer’s cuffs? And just… hung them in your bedroom like they were a dreamcatcher?”

“Yeah, pretty much. At first I kept them ‘cause I thought they made me look badass,” he turned into another street, their final stop looming closer and closer. “Now I look at them and kinda get chills. I think Wayne would die if he saw me in those but for real this time. Like, I think he’d actually have a heart attack or something. Can’t do that to my old man, he doesn’t deserve that.”

“And Hopper didn’t know you took them?”

“He absolutely did, he just didn’t care,” Eddie laughed. “As far as cops go, Hopper was pretty cool. He actually gave a shit about us when it really mattered. I mean, yeah, he could still be an asshole when he wanted to, all cops are, but he was pretty chill most of the time. Kept to himself a lot. It kinda pissed me off how everyone started pretending like he was their best friend after he died.”

“Nancy told me he saved people in the Starcourt Mall fire.”

“Yeah. A true American hero: Vietnam war vet, died heroically saving children from a fire during the Fourth of July… doesn’t get more patriotic than that.”

“You said Dustin and Mike were there, right?”

“Yeah. And Erica.”

“What?”

“They were all in the cinema, I think. Dunno much about it, the kids never talk about what happened. Just know they were there ‘cause they mentioned it on the news. Nancy was there too, she didn’t tell you?”

“Oh,” Dottie said, like something had clicked in her head. “Well, that makes more sense now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought it was weird that Nancy’s boyfriend’s mom just, like, adopted the Chief’s daughter after he passed away, but it makes sense. They must have been friends.”

“What are you talking about?” It was Eddie’s turn to be surprised.

“Nancy’s dating a guy named Jonathan-”

“Yes, Jonathan Byers. I know him. Fellow weirdo,” he raised an eyebrow pointedly.

“Well, his mom adopted Hopper’s daughter before they moved to California last year. She’s dating Mike, he told us about her, remember?” Dottie explained. “So she must have been in there with Mike and their friends if Nancy and Jonathan were there too.”

“Hopper didn’t have a daughter. I mean, he did have one but she died when she was a kid,” Eddie said.

“Nancy said he didn’t know he had a daughter until recently, maybe her Mom passed away or something and she left her with him. She was here all summer with Mike and Dustin, she’s really pretty!”

“Yeah? How do you know?”

“They showed me a picture! She’s taller than I expected, has brown hair, brown eyes. Looks a little bit like an elf actually, she has, like, sharp cheekbones?” Dottie pointed to her own round cheeks that looked nothing like the girl’s face on a Polaroid currently stuck to the inside of Dustin’s locker.

“Well, damn,” he chuckled. “Look at Wheeler go, totally thought he was lying about that one. Hey, uh, did Nancy tell you anything about the Byers?”

“About Jonathan, mostly. I know he has a brother that’s friends with Mike and Dustin too.”

“Will.”

“I think so, can’t remember his name. I know Mike’s girlfriend is named Jane though.”

“So she didn’t tell you about all the weird shit that happened a few years ago, huh?” Eddie eyed her curiously as he pulled into the school’s street, the building waiting for them just a few blocks further.

“Define weird shit for me, please.”

“This town is fucking cursed, babe. That Will kid went missing in the woods and then the feds found a random body in the quarry and thought it was him. Everyone thought Mrs. Byers was insane because she kept saying that the body wasn’t Will, but she was right - Hopper found him alive a few days later. It was a huge mess, like, they had held a funeral and everything and now the kid is back like nothing happened?” Eddie shook his head in disbelief. “I thought maybe Nancy would have told you because around that same time, everyone thought this girl named Barb that was best friends with her had run away but actually she died from getting exposed to some weird chemicals from that lab in the middle of the woods where Will went missing and there was a whole conspiracy to cover it up. And also y’know, the fire thing last year.”

“Those are like a lot of strange as fuck things to have happened in such a short span of time,” Dottie frowned.

“I know, right? And Mike and Dustin are always in the middle of it somehow. Must suck.”

“Poor kids,” she said, sadly. “It’s probably hard for them to deal with all that and have to pretend everything’s normal.”

“People get crazy good at hiding things they’ve been through, especially when they were fucked up,” he shrugged.

Eddie finally pulled into the school’s parking lot, quickly locating Donny’s car and their friends standing around waiting for them. He honked the horn twice to call their attention and they waved at him to hurry up. Dottie looked at the boys through the windshield and thought about what Eddie had just said. He was right and she knew this because she’d gotten pretty good at pretending things were okay when they weren’t, not looking for pity or compassion because she’d simply assumed others would judge her for it. Being around Eddie had helped her open up, but there were some secrets that were buried too deep to unearth so casually, particularly when they filled her with shame. But maybe it was about time she stopped doing that. Maybe she owed it not only to her friends, but to herself, to stop feeling sorry for something that had been out of her control and such a special night seemed like the perfect moment to tell them the things that had been eating her from the inside out for a year now. But for now, Eddie was offering her his hand to help her get out of his van, and her friends were grinning at her like the cat that got the cream, so the truth would have to wait until later. There was a prom to attend first, and she was determined to enjoy this one to the fullest.

Gareth Coleman had never been known to be particularly patient about anything throughout his goddamn life. He was always eager to spill the beans, and he always wanted to spill them now, so the fact that he’d managed to keep this specific secret for almost a week had been impressive. Him, Jeff, and Donny had discussed Eddie’s weird behavior while on their way to the school, and they were all equally curious as to what was taking him and Dottie so long to arrive. Donny had already smoked a cig and Jeff had checked the bag in the backseat thrice by the time those two finally rejoined the group, looking a little bit suspicious and plenty cozy with one another. The boys didn’t have too much time to ponder on why though, because immediately upon arrival Eddie revealed that the reason he’d been late for dinner and why he’d stolen Dottie away for a private chat, was that he’d seen Ms. Kelly after school and had gotten confirmation that he’d finally be graduating high school with his friends. Hellfire Class of ‘86, baby, he’d said, pulling his friends into a huddle as they cheered and hollered at what was probably the most anticipated piece of news they’d gotten in a long time. However, Gareth was still impatient as ever, so he quickly peeled away from the group hug and dove into Donny’s car to retrieve their final surprise of the night and keep emotions running high.

“Since we’re all here and in a good fuckin’ mood,” he began saying, making everyone turn to him. “We have something for you, Dot.”

“For me? What did I do?”

“Well, it wouldn’t really be prom if you didn’t have one of these, so… here you go,” he pulled a white box from inside the bag and extended it to her; she accepted it curiously before peering inside.

“Wow, this is…,” she said, taken aback. “You guys! You didn’t have to buy anything for me!”

“Yes, we did,” Jeff said, moving forward to help her get her surprise out of the box.

In his hands, he held a very special corsage they’d all pitched in to buy for her since she didn’t have a formal date to the event to get it for her. The flowers were bright red, with the ribbon in black and gold; he slid it over her fingers until it sat prettily on her left wrist, her eyes filling with heartfelt tears at their thoughtful gesture. She didn’t have time to thank them, however, because soon enough Gareth was pulling smaller boxes from the bag and giving one to each of his friends.

“Could you help us with these?” Donny smiled, opening his box for her to see what he was holding.

Each of them had gotten themselves a boutonniere, two different styles but all in matching colors. Jeff and Eddie had chosen red flowers with black and gold ribbon much like her corsage, but Gareth and Donny had white flowers with red and gold ribbon. Between wet laughs, she pinned all decorations to their chests, wondering how she’d gotten so lucky to have these four men in her life who were all so eager to make every moment count when it mattered the most. Dottie tucked herself between Eddie and Jeff, and Donny turned his sister’s borrowed camera towards the group, blindly taking a picture and hoping he hadn’t accidentally cut any heads out of it. After checking on each other for the final time, the five teens turned towards the gymnasium doors and headed inside to get the party started.

The Hellfire Class of ‘86’s big entrance had been something to behold. No one had really been expecting the freaks to show up, much less dressed to the nines and arm in arm with that one girl that had moved to Hawkins a few months ago right in the middle of the school year, but there they were, and they demanded to be seen. Their matching outfits made them stand out in a sea of bold colors, pastels, and satin fabrics, but the fact that they moved like a cohesive unit anywhere they went was weirdly fascinating. First, they headed to get their picture taken and the photographer had been happy to capture what looked to be a healthy group of friends instead of awkward looking couples that would probably not make it anywhere further than a few months beyond graduation. Then, they lingered at a corner of the refreshments table when Chrissy Cunningham excitedly greeted them and chatted with them for a few long minutes, gushing over Dottie’s vintage dress who in turn couldn’t stop telling the blonde how beautiful she looked in her baby pink gown.

It was silly, really, how the most non-conformist friend group in Hawkins High had found some sort of genuine amusement in participating in what was probably the most stereotypical event in the life of any high school student, but they’d long ago stopped trying to explain themselves to others. Prom to them was a celebration of their friendship, a culmination of four shitty years (or six, in Eddie’s case), and the hope of a better future that felt as equally glorious as every moment spent together. They sipped on cheap vodka from a hip flask Gareth had smuggled in, they pestered the DJ to play Black Sabbath, Metallica, or even some Mötley Crüe to no avail, and they danced in a circle until their feet hurt. Dottie excused herself for a bit to dance with Chrissy to a Queen song, and then she’d stolen Nancy away from her friends for a few minutes, but she stayed pretty close to her boys all night, and in turn, they never left her alone. She’d been twirling around the dance floor with Jeff while Gareth escaped to the bathroom for a couple of minutes when Donny came to stand next to Eddie, who was watching her from the side with the most lovesick expression on his face known to man.

“Might wanna be less obvious with the staring there,” Donny nudged him goodnaturedly. “People are gonna notice you’re drooling.”

“Don’t really care if anyone sees me,” Eddie admitted. “Now that we’re all getting out of here I’m gonna ask her to be my girlfriend, so I don’t give a shit about what this lame ass school thinks about me anymore.”

“Damn, good luck, man,” he looked at him, impressed. “I mean, she’s totally gonna say yes but still, good luck.”

“Thanks, Don. You’re a good friend, you know that, right?”

“Been told once or twice but it’s always good to hear.”

“I should tell you more often,” Eddie smiled. “We’re all best friends, but… I dunno. I feel like you always got me the most.”

“Always thought you got me the most, actually,” Donny said, smiling back at him.

“Hey, Eddie!” Chrissy called, hurrying towards him all giggly and secretive. “We're up next!”

“Shit, already?”

“What’s going on?” Donny asked, looking at the blonde.

“I'm his Best Man," she said, like that explained everything before grabbing Eddie's hand and pulling him towards the dance floor.

Without having to squint too much, the gymnasium didn't look like the sweaty room the majority of the school's populace hated with a passion anymore. Chrissy and her fellow Prom Committee members had worked really hard to turn it into a different place, from the red carpet and fairy lights at the entrance to the golden streamers obscuring the bleachers to the sides, all the way to the myriad of rented mirror balls hanging from the ceiling; everything came together to create a portal to a world where Hawkins’ senior class could pretend like they were movie stars for a night. The theme was perfectly captured in the décor, and Eddie found it very fitting that the Hellfire Club's colors matched it so well - it made everything that much more special and movielike than they had intended when they agreed to display their club’s allegiance so blatantly.

Chrissy maneuvered them past several people towards where Jeff and Dottie danced to Falco’s Rock Me Amadeus, immediately joining in and not caring that classmates around them were looking at her like she'd grown two heads. She had worked her ass off so everyone could have a wonderful night and if she wanted to dance with the freaks, she felt like had rightfully earned her prize. After all, Eddie had said she was a freak too once and she took it to heart, considering it might as well have been the biggest compliment she had ever received in her 18 years on planet Earth. Jeff was still wary of Chrissy, not having had a full conversation with her in all four years of high school but he knew Eddie thought of her as a friend, and Dottie seemed to like her as well so he followed their lead and danced along with her, making both girls spin at the same time in tune with the song.

"Are you having fun?" Chrissy asked Dottie, holding onto her hands.

"So much fun! I voted for you, by the way."

"You did?! Oh my god, thank you!" the blonde beamed at her. "I'm so nervous, I hope I get it!"

"Are you kidding me? We all voted for you, you're totally gonna win," Dottie said with honesty, because there was no other way the night could end without Chrissy Cunningham winning Prom Queen.

"Don't jinx it!" she laughed, as the final notes of Rock Me Amadeus played out.

"Alright, alright, Hawkins High! Is everyone having fun?" the DJ asked over the music; everyone cheered in response. "Let's slow it down a little bit, shall we? This one's for the lovers in the room, but remember to leave space for Jesus in the middle, okay? Don’t want any teachers getting upset."

Dottie laughed at the DJ’s silly joke while the next song began, head whipping around to find Eddie who was already turned towards her and, dare she say, looking mighty sheepish. Oh, darling, please believe me, crooned Paul McCartney as the dancefloor became a little bit less crowded and couples began partnering up to share a sweet moment with one another. Eddie offered his hand to her and Dottie looked at their friends before taking it, but there was no need - Chrissy was fulfilling her Best Man duty to perfection, already swaying away from them with her hands on Jeff's shoulders. He looked mighty confused as to why a pretty cheerleader was slow dancing with him instead of going to find her jock boyfriend, but he was enjoying the small talk about what colleges they'd attend after graduation and Chrissy seemed to be having fun too so beggars couldn't really be choosers. Dottie let herself be pulled closer to Eddie and he held her in a way that didn't look entirely platonic, but they both silently agreed that they’d deal with whatever teasing they could get in the future. Right now, being in her not-yet-boyfriend’s arms while The Beatles played in the background was probably one of the happiest moments of Dottie’s life and she was going to enjoy it as much as she could without overthinking it.

"Got any other surprises up your sleeve I should prepare myself for?" Dottie asked, eyes shining under the disco balls.

"This was the last one for tonight, I promise," he said, fighting the urge to cradle her head into his chest; Mrs. O'Donnell was standing to a side looking for students who didn't leave space for Jesus and he didn’t want to risk it. "How are you feeling, princess?"

"Like this is the best prom I could have asked for."

"Yeah? Is it how you dreamed it would be?"

"It’s so much better. I'm lucky enough to be dancing with the prettiest boy in the room, what more could I ask for?" she smiled.

"Don't know, I'm dancing with the most beautiful girl in the room so I'm feeling pretty lucky too," he smiled back at her, his dimples on display.

“God we’re corny. How did you get the DJ to play our song?”

“I thought our song was Hot Patootie.”

“We have multiple. Answer the question, Munson, Donny and I asked him to play some Bruce Springsteen earlier and he said no.”

“I have friends in high places,” Eddie said cryptically, but undermined the mystery by looking at Chrissy who was laughing at something Jeff had said.

“You totally told her about us, didn’t you?” Dottie asked, but her grin told him she wasn’t mad about it.

“She’s gonna be my Best Man, I had to,” he shrugged, making her snort and shake her head.

“Already thinking about the wedding and he hasn’t even asked me out yet. You’re getting awfully cocky,” she raised an eyebrow, and he had the decency to look shy about it.

“I’m working on it, darling. Just give me time to make it special.”

Eddie pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear as they danced, not realizing that both Donny and Gareth were watching the pair like hawks, smirking at how obvious their affection was in a sea of couples that ranged from uncomfortable to loving. They, however, looked downright sickening, like they had been plucked from a cheesy coming of age movie where the two leads finally came to terms with the fact that all they’d ever wanted had been right in front of them all along.

“He’s totally head over heels for her, isn’t he,” Gareth said, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Absolutely,” Donny said, taking a sip of his spiked fruit punch. “But she’s not far behind either.”

“Yeah,” the wild curly haired boy turned to look at his friend. “Wanna bet on how long it’ll take for them to get together?”

“I say twenty for graduation day.”

Nearing the end of prom night, their feet hurt from standing for so long and they were all starving for some salty junk food. Chrissy had, of course, ended up winning Prom Queen; Hellfire had cheered for her extra loud which hadn’t made the basketball team very happy but they couldn’t retaliate when there were so many teachers around. Besides, Andy’s eye was still very much purple and no one wanted to be sporting a face injury in their graduation photos. Jason Carver had won Prom King too, but much to his dismay, rumor had it that he’d barely beaten the football team’s captain for the title. Nonetheless, the newly crowned couple was dancing in the middle of the gym surrounded by other partnered up classmates when Eddie proposed what was probably the best plan of the night: leaving early and going to get fries and milkshakes at a cheap diner.

Dottie went in the car with Donny and Gareth this time, trying to avoid alerting their friends to her and Eddie’s blossoming relationship anymore than they’d already had, and the teens spent the entire ride gossiping about things they’d noticed had happened during the event, like how this girl from the swimming team had very publicly broken up with her boyfriend in front of everyone or how their History teacher had been dancing with the pretty Science teacher every freshman (namely, Dustin Henderson) had a crush on. When they arrived at the diner, Eddie opened the doors of his van and they sat in the parking lot to eat their fries and share various flavors of milkshakes, debating on which one was better. The boys were rowdy as they always were, Gareth fighting hard for peanut butter versus Jeff’s chocolate and Donny’s orange creamsicle, when Eddie went to grab more fries from the basket he was sharing with Dottie and noticed she was staring at her corsage, a blank expression on her face.

“Hey,” he said softly, trying not to startle her by rubbing the back of her hand with his pinky finger. “You okay? Wanna go home?”

“No, I’m okay. Just thinking.”

“Wanna tell me? I’m a good listener.”

“I know you are,” Dottie afforded him half a smile. “I… there was something I wanted to tell you but don’t wanna bring the mood down.”

“Uh-oh,” he pouted dramatically. “Am I in trouble already?”

“Shut up,” she shoved him lightly. “No, it’s just… it’s about New York and- I don’t know, we’re having such a fun time. Feels like I’m gonna fuck it up. It’s fine, I can tell you guys some other time.”

“Tell us what?” Jeff asked, making her notice that all the boys were quietly looking at her.

“You don’t have to tell us anything if you don’t want to,” Gareth hurried to say. “-but we’re always down to hear you if you wanna, like, get something off your chest or whatever.”

“Yeah! You’re not fucking anything up, we’re just talking,” Donny said.

Dottie looked around at her friends who were waiting to follow her lead whatever that may be and knew that if she was ever going to say anything, then this was it. This was the moment where she let them all in, where she let them see just how truly damaged she was, and they’d have to decide whether this baggage was something they wanted to help her with or if it was too much for them to handle. Eddie’s ringed hand sneaked behind her, caressing her spine back and forth on top of her dress for support. She took a deep breath and set the basket of fries to the side.

“I, uh- you know how I said my junior prom sucked and that’s why I kinda didn’t wanna come tonight before we made plans?” she began, and they all nodded. “So, there’s actually a pretty big reason for that.”

“You said you didn’t have a date for junior prom and you felt bad so you didn’t go. That’s why I said we should all go together,” Gareth said, making the other teens turn to him in surprise. He clearly knew more about it than they all did and he hadn’t said anything.

“I lied. I did go and I did have a date. I had a boyfriend actually,” she said grimly.

“Oh.”

“How long did you date that guy?” Donny asked, sparing a glance at Eddie who was staring at her nervous hands playing with her Mom’s engagement and wedding rings, spinning them around her left middle finger.

“Around six months. His name was Tyler, we went to school together. He was… nice, I guess? I really liked him,” she muttered. “And like, not to overshare but he was my first real kiss, you know? My first everything. And he made me feel special for a while.”

“What happened?” Jeff asked, frowning and shifting closer, his hand coming to rest on her ankle.

“We went to prom together. Flynn, his older brother, took us and the whole ride was so awkward because he kept trying to talk to Tyler and he would just stare ahead, like he was angry or something. He wouldn’t even look at me.”

“Flynn or Tyler wouldn’t look?”

“Tyler. Actually, Flynn was pretty awesome, best older brother ever. He was pre-med, just… a really cool guy. Kinda miss him, he was fun to be around. He had wild stories about college, but not like drunk wild, just general weird things that happened around campus,” Dottie smiled, remembering the nice older guy that gave her advice on how to apply to colleges.

“He sounds nice,” Donny said.

“He was! Honestly, I think the best part about dating Tyler was that I could hang out with Flynn a lot.”

“So… what happened at prom?” Donny prompted her to continue.

“Um, Flynn dropped us off and Tyler said he wanted to talk before we went in. I thought he was nervous, y’know? I mean, I was nervous too. But he basically said he didn’t wanna date me anymore because he was gonna go to this science whatever camp during summer, and we were gonna be so far away and he just couldn’t deal with long distance so it was over.”

“What?” Eddie’s eyebrows raised on his forehead until they were hidden completely by his bangs. He was prepared to wait for her all four years of college and this fucking guy couldn’t handle being two months apart? “That’s such bullshit!”

“That’s what I said!” she exclaimed, getting angry again at the memory. “But then he said that he didn’t like me anymore because I didn’t put in any effort, and that other girls got pretty for their boyfriends and- and that hurt because he knew that I hadn’t been able to get a dress I liked for prom, so a friend’s sister let me borrow an old one from her.”

“What a fucking douchebag,” Gareth said, scoffing. “You always look pretty, what was his deal?”

“Wish I didn’t know, but, um, that one hurt way more when I found out,” she said, tears starting to form along her waterline. “Because I obviously went home after that, right? He didn’t want me there, and I didn’t want to be there either, so I got on the first bus I saw and that was it. I didn’t show up for the final week of school, and then I went to see my grandparents and stayed away from everyone all summer.”

“What about your friends?” Jeff asked.

“My Dad returned the dress for me and I called Tracey to say thank you, and that was it. She didn’t ask about what happened and no one else called.”

“You mean that no one cared you went missing for months?” Eddie’s face dropped.

“That’s kinda how summers were like for me in New York anyway,” she admitted, and he moved his hand from her back to her hip to bring her closer to him and into a side hug. “I was sure that everyone knew and that’s why no one called. Like, what would they even say? It would have been so awkward. But then school started again and I found out what happened during the holidays and everything made sense.”

“Why? What happened?” Gareth frowned. “What did they do while you were gone?”

“Tyler went to his dumb summer camp two weeks after school ended and got together with my friend Jeannie,” Dottie said, fat drops finally falling from her eyes. “God, why am I still crying about it? I don’t even care about them anymore, I’m pathetic.”

“Fuck that! You’re not pathetic, they are!” Jeff exclaimed, gripping her ankle tighter to get to look up from her hands. “What a bitch, how could she do that to you?”

“Okay, I’m gonna kill both of them,” Gareth deadpanned. “We should totally kill both of them, right, guys?”

“Hey, come on, don’t cry,” Donny said, shifting closer until he was on Dottie’s other side, squishing her between himself and Eddie. “Do you want us to kill them? Because you know we would. I’ll bring the shovel, Eddie has the van, we can make it happen. Just say the word and we’ll be there.”

“I know you would,” she managed to chuckle through the tears. “It’s fine, I just… I never really told anyone this other than my Dad. The only reason my family knows is because he had to explain to everyone why I was locking myself in my room to cry all the time and wouldn’t leave home. I worried everyone a lot those days.”

“You were keeping this one really close to the chest, huh?” Eddie said, things clicking into place for him. Her sudden desperation when he mentioned Chrissy’s name mid freakout, her willingness to hide her own heartbreak if it meant they’d still be friends, the way she kept to herself all those months before she joined them. “Can I ask… did someone tell them anything? Did your other friends know?”

“They all knew. Tracey and Benji said they were sorry but that was kinda it. And all of them sat during lunch with Jeannie, who kept bringing Tyler over to our table and literally fucking sitting on him every day so I had no friends for six months except for Mrs. Randall.”

“Who’s Mrs. Randall?” Eddie asked, vaguely aware that he’d seen that very same name signed at the front of her well-loved Anne of Green Gables copy.

“The school’s librarian. I had lunch with her every day and she helped me write the essay I sent to UMich. She’s awesome, honestly. Dunno what I would have done without her.”

“I’m so sorry you went through all that,” Jeff said. “You didn’t deserve it, and I’m glad you aren’t friends with those assholes anymore.”

“Yeah! You have us now!” Gareth smiled, throwing himself over Eddie’s legs to join in on the hugging party. “We played D&D together which means we’re bonded for life. Can’t get rid of us anymore.”

“He’s right, princess,” Eddie added, hand coming up to brush her tears away. “It’s in the Player’s Handbook. You signed a blood contract.”

“I love you,” she said, looking at him earnestly before turning to her other boys. “I love all of you. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything before, it was just so embarrassing to admit and I didn’t want you to know I’m the biggest loser on Earth and decide you didn’t want to be friends anymore.”

“You’re not a loser,” Donny said. “And those people weren’t your real friends, they were shitheads. That’s not on you, Dot. And we love you too, or else we wouldn’t be wearing suits right now.”

“Everything you guys did today… thank you. I’m gonna remember this forever, you have no idea how much it means to me.”

“We know,” Gareth said, looking at all his friends. “That’s why we did it.”

In the back of Eddie’s van, with the doors open to the empty parking lot waiting to be filled with teens looking for a snack, Dottie shed yet another layer of fear and anxiety. The air smelled vaguely of weed and fries, their forgotten milkshakes sweating rings onto the hard floor, but no one made a move to get themselves out of the puppy pile they had sunk into, five sets of legs and arms tangled with one another and the calm understanding that physical comfort was something they all needed at that moment. They had all been outcasts, freaks, easily disposable and replaceable throughout their lives, but here, in this van, they were invaluable and unique. Here the Hellfire Class of ‘86 was home, and there was nothing in the world that could convince them otherwise. Here they belonged, and birds of a feather flock together after all.

taglist (comment below or send me an ask if you wanna be added!): @munsonology @kurdtbean @every1lovesanunderdog @eg-dr3amer3

[mortallyandrogynoussheep]

1/100 days of getting my life back together

Wednesday, July 3, 2024

So I decided to try to do a thing for the first time ever since forever - try to start having a blog(?) again, because, well, the brain rot is real. I've deleted twitter for now to give my brain some rest, because a lot of things were stressing me out.

My life has been a real mess the last few months and I really need to get my shit back together. This semester was the biggest flop so far (which is not to say that much - it's only a second one, but still) and I'm really upset about it.

I've come off one of my meds, that were making me insanely sleepy whenever I tried to focus (still have no idea whether that was a real thing or no, but they either way were not doing anything for me), got back on antidepressants, that are a-okay to me, at least side effects wise, and I was hoping that NOW I will be so much better at school. It got so much worse.

Not my room, but the vibes sum everything up quite perfectly. Everything feels insanely hard to do. I feel like a failure. I'm stressed and lost, but we persevere to the best of our abilities.

Anyway, I am writing this post one day after the 3rd of July, because I figured I should start somewhere, and despite wanting to have the first entry be as perfect as I want to become later, I figured that I have already tried that approach earlier, and it always falls off. Maybe it's better to start bad, slowly trying to build up all the habits and changes.

After all it is 100 days of trying to get my life together, not 100 days of describing my life being together.

Anyway, on 3rd of July I wanted to do some document related work and do some job applications, but because of fucking up my sleep schedule days prior to finish an assignment (which I got 100% for, insanely), I could not resist falling asleep in the day and then waking up late in the evening. That then scaled to 4th of July night, when I could not fall asleep again until 4 am, and the cycle repeated again.

So, yeah. T'was a flop. I didn't do anything good or productive for studying. The only thing I managed to accomplish was tidying up the place a little, but not the dishes. Luckily, my boyfriend helped me with that. It feels so much better to be able to work as a team on tasks that feel this big and unbearable.

2/100 days of getting my life back together

Thursday, July 4, 2024

It is currently 13:44 as I am writing this. Woke up (or more so, thankfully, got woken up by my boyfriend) by about 12:30. Still feel very poopy, but in today's plans are to do some studying for the first out of my two exams, and maybe a little bit for the second one.

DB 2

DB 3

SE2

dishes

DB 4

Probably will keep editing this post for any relevant updates that are not shitposts.

15:08 - 16:02 finished the db2 and 3 bits, 3rd one was way shorter than I expected. it turned out that I already had a set of flashcards on quizzlet there on it, so that was a win. originally was planning to study for one hour, but then finished 6 mins earlier, because my brain was fried and finished the dishes on my break. now back to studying

16:17 - 18:01 finished working on the SE2, but the lecture was kinda short and won't be that important at the exam, so I can't say I studied it properly. i will put more thought into it later (maybe), but not for now, since my ass is BURNING from the heat of upcoming deadline for the exams and there are more complex things i need to learn. started working on DB 4, which was an addition on initially planned to-do list. a little more than 1.5 hours of trying to understand the lecture made my brain feel GONE. i started to feel very irritated at the end, so im gonna be taking a break.

18:36 - 19:52 some minecraft break for mindlessly and quietly doing some things around our base. cleaned up the ground for where i want to build our house, transferred some stuff and organized it in a new chests system. the project will take A LOT of time so yuh. did i spend too much time on it? yes. will i do it again? also yes, probably. then we ate some dinner and now im comming back to some studying and note taking.

21:09 - 22:22

did some more note taking on DB4, not finished with it yet, but I think I'll call it a day for today. I'll probably play some more Minecraft before sleep and reread my notes and flashcards too. overall I feel still kind of unsatisfied with the day and its' results, I think mostly because of this is 1.5 hour game break, but it is what it is for now. overall I guess I did do some stuff done today, so it's still a win, right?

[fountainpenguin]

Recent 'Fic Progress 'n Stuff

I'm in a very busy period of my life right now, so updates may become sporadic, but here's some news I have for now!

Fandoms discussed: MCYT, Total Drama, WordGirl, Fairly OddParents

MCYT - Typically updates Tuesdays

- Aiming to post something for the Pixels Imperfect series on Tuesday, but don't be alarmed if it doesn't happen.

-> I'm in this weird zone where my chapter for Herobrine's Guide to the Between Dimension is complete except for the map I'm almost done with, but I'm having some artist block getting the map where I want it, so... I might hold off a bit until I'm happy with it. It's not bad, but I'm struggling with clean-up and labels.

-> Really good progress on my next Dog's Life chapter. In a weird zone of hesitating over whether I'm going too far with X or Y. Needs more attention, but I'm really happy with what I have so far. Very exciting! I did some doodles that I'll post under the cut :)

-> High likelihood of skipping this next Tuesday of posting, which gives time to let Collector's Fee sink in anyway (Plus I did a double update for Dog's Life at the start of August for its anniversary and that was probably too much for me), but we should be back the week after :)

- Herobrine's Guide will go on hiatus after Chapter 14 (the next chapter to post is Chapter 11) because that's where the buffer runs out. At that point, we've finished all world lore (except the Hels stuff that goes in the Additional Info final chapter). That's where we enter the bestiary, and they're huge chapters I want to ensure are consistent all the way through. So... I need to finish all the bestiary chapters before posting the first one :'D. A lot of work is done, but a lot still left to do!

-> Since I've been posting Herobrine's Guide during Dog's Life's intermission, we just won't have Tuesday updates for a bit. I think I'll switch to finishing The Candles We Light (and Should Regret) & Top 10 Hanahaki Life Hacks (#8 Will Shock You), which I started during Guess the Author.

-> Comparatively, they're shorter projects and it would be nice to finish them instead of leaving them hanging. That should work well, but we may have a period of no Tuesday updates during this adjustment period.

- Dog's Life is still on soft hiatus through to January or February 2025. It's between Sessions 2 and 3 right now and that hasn't changed. At this time, it posts once a month (although as mentioned, there may be a slight delay in the next chapter, but we had a double update on August 1st, so no surprise :))

-> When Dog's Life resumes, it will most likely be once every two weeks instead of every week. I really enjoyed posting weekly, but I have to admit it's A Lot. I was able to do that when hyperfixating on it as the only fandom I was posting consistently for, but I'd like to roll it back for 2025. Considering I post chapters above 10k words, I think it's fair; weekly updates was a lot. Final decision will be made when we actually reach 2025!

- We know Grian's working on Life Series Season 6 and that he said it would be a while. When that drops, I expect to do liveblogs and maybe one-shots depending on inspiration.

Total Drama - Currently updates Wednesdays and Saturdays

Life of a Loser is getting close to its end! Once it's done, we'll switch to posting one TD 'fic a week (probably) until they're all posted. Leaning towards posting on Wednesdays or Thursdays. Subject to change.

You can subscribe to the Riddle's Drama AO3 series if you want those emails. If you are only subscribed to Life of a Loser but you want to continue seeing more of my TD work, now is a good time to subscribe to the series, as basically everything from here is one-shots.

Reminder: I wrote these works between 2013 and 2016. I'm moving them to AO3 for archive purposes. You can leave comments or send me Asks if you want to chat about these works or their worldbuilding, but my knowledge of the show ends after Ridonculous Race; I didn't watch Total Dramarama and I don't know anything that came after it.

My Total Drama works will continue posting for the rest of 2024 and into 2025. I don't anticipate writing more works for this series, although if I had infinite time, I'd be interested in finishing the ones I started and left unfinished (because Leonard, my beloved).

WordGirl - On hiatus

Still on hiatus for now! Was hoping I'd be able to post more for it before the end of 2024, but that was pushed back by a very busy summer, which led to me not getting the Frayed Knots buffer where I wanted, and Frayed Knots has priority.

These works are not discontinued (I've been working on Factor It In since 2018 and I'm not dropping it now, lol). They're just on break, because I'd prefer leaving them on break and returning with a buffer over random updates.

I do have some one-shot drafts I've been sitting on, and I might clean and post those, but my attention's pretty divided between IRL, MCYT 'fics, and FOP right now, so this isn't super likely.

Factor It In has a serious vibe, as it's a realistic exploration of superhero life and biology, and there's also, like... no death or serious injury in it. I'm currently interested in things that are either wackier or angstier, but I look forward to coming back to it when I'm ready to be serious again. I genuinely like these 'fics a lot, including my WIPs, but it's an exciting time for FOP fandom right now and I want to enjoy it :)

If you want updates for my WordGirl 'fics, you can subscribe to Heroes' Journey or 28 Million Degrees. And you can always send me Asks if you want to!

Fairly OddParents - AO3 updates on Fridays, plus I've been posting on the blog any day of the week

- New cover arts for Frayed Knots and Origin of the Pixies are done! Their new announcement posts will go up soon, as I wanted to get all the 130 arc covers done first (for reverse tag scrolling purposes).

I did these two first and I think they're my favorites <3 These will replace their existing covers in their respective 'fics, and these are the posts that will be linked to when discussing these projects (Ex: I need to clean my FOP 'fics page and these will go there).

Reblogs always appreciated for cover / announcement posts, but no pressure! These are messy 'fics and not to everyone's tastes.

- I've committed to the name City Lights AU for my New Wish works. I'm REALLY excited for the "arranged marriage & not in love but we're going along with it anyway because this is what we do as upper class kids" trope I've set myself up with... for reasons...

- The AU guide is complete and will be posted after I finish Hadley's full sideblog profile, as I want her to be linked on it.

- I... emotionally cannot post Hadley's profile until I clean the freakin' blog, because I HATE what the update years ago did to bullet points, so I'll see if I can make some time for the sideblog. I have to go back and change them all to indents with dashes, like I've been doing in my posts over here... and I still have to fix all the broken masterpost links (which broke during the same Tumblr update from years ago). Gonna be a pain, but...... :'D The things we do for love.

- I went through my drafts and it looks like I do have some lore and reference posts that can be cleaned and posted for the sideblog, which would be nice; I have more to work with than I thought.

I can also do things like post the Fairy School Schedule on the sideblog instead of on a Google Doc. Up until now, it was relying on the doc for color coding (for ease of reading), but now we have color-coded posts, so it can go on the blog directly. - Also ?? it turns out I never actually compiled my multiple posts on Fairy aging into a single post, and thus the detailed info never made it on the sideblog. -> I compiled an age chapter for today's "So, You're Studying the Cloudlands..." update (i.e. I'd had the development charts there as placeholders since the start, but I really wanted actual info too) and that will become a sideblog post in the future.

- Somewhere in the depths of my literal 2,400 drafts on main blog is some sideblog stuff that I saved as drafts here instead of there, and one day... I will find it. But we'll talk about that again after my A New Wish liveblog is done.

I'm also going to change the sideblog's mentions of Riddleverse Classic to Cloudlands AU, now that it has a real name. Just... finally coming back and power washing everything before I risk posting anything new that attracts new eyes while the blog is messy, haha.

Technically the term Riddleverse 'fics covers all my AUs, so some mentions will stay (like things that say "contains Riddleverse spoilers"). However, this should make things more clear.

I had a lot of self-censorship internalization and general nerves when I was working on the sideblog back in the day, but I'm a lot more "cringe and free and I'm gonna make it everyone's problem" now than I was a few years ago, so it'll be nice to move on from those memories and learn to enjoy the blog again.

- I also feel happier with my art and writing styles now compared to where I was in recent years. Looking forward to blowing the dust off and polishing stuff nicely! I'm not going to try to keep future profile arts consistent with the old arts, so it'll be what it'll be.

Heavily leaning towards redesigning my adult Chloe, as I was never that attached to her, and I want to slightly tweak my Timmy and Cosmo to better fit my current art style. Debating whether to add Anti-Wanda's scars. Also need to do a scar ref for H.P. since he has a huge one on his cheek I rarely draw because I always seem to draw him facing the other way, sdklj... Someday...

- I had a lot of IRL stuff happen in recent years that was similar to things happening in my FOP 'fics and I wasn't able to truly enjoy them for a while. A New Wish brought back a lot of my excitement for the series and I feel like I'm healing a lot in regards to being able to enjoy FOP :)

I'm excited to share the arc guide and start outlining 'fics.

- As previously mentioned, I've cleaned the 130 Prompts summaries page so it's up to date with 2024 plans. Also, I've finished all the arc guides and made a new cover image for the project!

- I'd like to kick off Arc 3 of the Prompts with a piece about Dale shortly after "Nectar of the Odds" - "#96 - You Deserve It." The piece after that will loop back to the "Am I adopted?" drama Poof went through in Arc 2, and it'll be fun! I'm really excited :)

- Frayed Knots is high priority, but it's also a massive project requiring lots of brain power, so it'll be nice to sprinkle lighter one-shots in between.

- Great progress on Frayed Knots! Things are really coming together. Might post one chapter soon, but the next few need more attention. Still hoping to build a proper buffer, but it's a slow process.

-> I... think I'm going to take the plunge and commit to dropdown chapter warnings for Origin and Knots, the way I do for my MCYT multi-chapters :'D Will this be exhausting and require a lot of rereading? Yeah, but it makes me feel less self-conscious (and it helps me quickly check each chapter to confirm I know what's in it). So... That'll be going on in the background, but expect it to take a while. It will not be fast.

-> Next chapter gets a standalone E-rated version, like we did for "Cageflight" back in the day. As previously stated, Frayed Knots maintains it's T and/or mild M rating despite now being classified as Not Rated; E-rated content will always be posted separately. And this one's pretty intense, so prepare emotionally before reading.

/whispers loudly - It's the big "raised in a culture where sex is done for ceremony" vs. "longing for passion and ready to ask for it" clash we've been waiting for... I finally am happy with my blocks for this scene. Just pulling it all together. It feels SO FUN to finally write the ceremonial bits of their culture as a proper ceremony explored onscreen. It's always been hypothetical... sdfljksdflkj...

This chapter is called "House of Cards." The standalone will be titled the same, and these are the AO3 series that will get the email notification:

Rainbow Train -> Not in the 130 Prompts

Red Train -> Suggestive / explicit

Orange Train -> High fantasy (Deep-dive into Anti-Fairy culture)

Subscribe or ignore at your preference, but there's your heads up. And obligatory reminder that this is a 'fic about a protagonist who has hypersexuality and we explore that more now that he's an adult than in the earlier chapters when he was younger.

Anti-Cosmo being hypersexual, bipolar, pan, AND ace, AND carrying trauma from a past life, and VERY confused about attraction, you will always be famous to me <3

As we know, Origin of the Pixies is all the way up to the war chapters, so it's on hiatus until Knots catches up. From there, we'll alternate between H.P. and Anti-Cosmo POVs through the war! Very exciting.

Knots still has to get Anti-Cosmo through his first meeting with Cosmo (who still has to hit Wanda with his car in line with "Cosmonopoly"), then through godparenting schooling & into a high rank in Anti-Fairy World (in line with his appearance in the truce flashback of "Balance of Flour"), but we're getting close!!

Also as previously stated, I might get around to posting some sensual / sexual stuff for FOP that I wrote as character studies and warm-ups back in the day, but...

I cannot emphasize enough that these delve into really heavy topics like consent violations, setting up a plot about being underage and desperate that will later crash and burn, and sexual trauma, and they're not necessarily sexy or fun to read, so just... [obligatory I Write Trauma & Morally Gray Characters In 'Fics For The Show About Trauma & Morally Gray Characters reminder].

But I do think there's really interesting stuff in here in terms of character studies and I wouldn't mind having them available, if for no other reason than because I've lost them multiple times and would enjoy having a place to find them.

-> Those all go in Red Train and Rainbow Train. Again, subscribe or ignore at your preference. They are not part of the 130 Prompts (which are strictly G and T works).

-> These are certainly not necessary reads in order to "keep up with what's happening" to the characters. Anything you need to know for their plot arcs is in their G and T stories. This is just bonus stuff for people who're interested in... The Horrors.

That's all I have to say for now! Thanks for reading!

Doodles for the upcoming Dog's Life Chapter 41 and/or 42 depending on where I cut it

Mild spoilers depending on how good you are at deciphering these out of context:

[signoraviolettavalery]

I do believe it is time for the next installment of @touchyourblood 's and my vampire!Bojan AU - or at least, one version of it, wherein Jan is an undercover hunter who joins the band.

This is part 2 - one of my favorites, but also one of the angstier ones.

After their late-night heart-to-heart, Jan and Bojan return home and call a meeting of the band.

"He knows," is all Bojan says. Shocked, slightly horrified stares from all of them.

"I didn't tell him," Bojan adds. "He figured it out."

Jan repeats his soft-of-true story about how he's had an encounter with a vampire before and put two-and-two together.

"And?" Kris presses. The others look at him, worried. "You seem rather calm about this."

"I'm not scared of Bojan," Jan says. "I care about him, and the rest of you. I won't tell anyone, and I'd like to stay and be part of the band."

They agree, and give Jan a rundown of how they do things: they take turns being the ones Bojan feeds on. He only needs to do it once a week, and he only ever takes from the wrist for their safety. (Jan, who's seen Bojan feed and also in other contexts, thinks he's the most disciplined man he's ever seen, and that precaution is probably unnecessary). Most vampire myths are a lie, but they do have to be careful about silver and sacred ground. ("Glasgow must've been uncomfortable?" Jan asks. "Oh yeah," Nace says.)

And things really don't change much after that, except it's a relief to Bojan to not have to hide. ("I hid that part of myself because I didn't want you to be afraid of me," Bojan admits once). They don't have to keep the feedings a secret, though they're still discreet. They work together better than ever.

One day, Bojan seems especially tired. He's been puttering around the house, until, with a big sigh, he lies down on the couch, his head in Kris' lap (Jan is on a neighboring couch, strumming his guitar).

"When's the last time you fed?" Kris asks.

"Thursday."

"It is Thursday."

"Last Thursday, then."

Kris sighs and offers a wrist. "Drink," he says, in a tone that doesn't invite protest.

Bojan protests anyway. "I can't. We have a concert tomorrow, and you heal the worst."

"Yes, we have a concert tomorrow, and you need your strength for it, which means you need to feed."

"He can feed on me," Jan breaks in.

They turn to him, Bojan full of concern. "You don't know what you're offering," he says.

Jan, who's seen Bojan feed more than once, just smiles. "I have some idea," he says. "Besides. Your other friends volunteered, why can't I?"

"You have to be sure," Bojan says, panic almost edging into his voice. "Really sure." And Jan realizes just how scared Bojan is to show his 'monstrous' side.

"I am sure," he says, sitting down next to Bojan on the couch.

"It's easier if it's your right wrist," Kris offers. "For guitar playing, I mean."

Kris would know, of course.

Jan extends an elegant wrist that Bojan takes just as delicately. He hesitates, and Jan thinks he'll require more convincing. But after a second, Bojan lets his fangs extend and his eyes turn red.

It's...a sight. Jan's seen vampires look like that before, but not Bojan. It's a little frightening, to see a monstrous face on his friend. But instead of attacking his wrist, Bojan bites gently, carefully. It almost doesn't hurt, and Jan leans back into the cushions and lets his friend drink. He's expecting to get a little dizzy from the blood loss, but Bojan pulls away before he starts feeling anything close. Jan blinks.

"That can't have been enough," he says, as Bojan licks the last drops from his wound and it seals itself, like it's a few hours old.

"He never takes enough," Kris says. "You have to make him drink more."

"It's his first time. I took enough," Bojan says. He takes the bandage Kris offers (they keep them around the house for situations like this) and gently, carefully binds Jan's wrists. He doesn't let go when he's finished, but caresses his knuckles and looks him in the eyes. "Thank you," he says, sincerely.

And how could Jan have ever thought this man could be a monster? How could he have even considered the possibility? He's the furthest thing from it.

"Anytime," he says with a smile, and means it.

And, should you be inclined in the slashy direction (this is the only somewhat romantic bit and is more implication than anything)...

one night, the two of them are kissing, Bojan having pushed Jan back onto a couch. Jan's head is thrown back, Bojan is kissing his neck, licking it, but of course he's not going to bite, he'd never endanger his friend like that.

Except in that moment Jan says "you can. I trust you."

And Bojan, in that moment of intimacy...does, against his better judgment.

The next morning, Jan has a giant bite on his neck and they're all getting breakfast and Kris sees it and turns to Bojan. "you bit his neck??"

Jan: it's fine, I can wear a sexy little scarf

Kris: that's not the main issue and you know it

Bojan tries to agree with Kris, it was reckless and irresponsible and he should've known better, should've had better control but Jan isn't having any of it.

"It was my idea. I'm responsible for my own decisions. I told you I trust you, and you proved I was right."

But Kris is still concerned. "he did stop, right? You didn't have to pull him off?

Jan: for fuck's sake. It was my choice, it's not like he attacked me and fed. And he didn't come close to taking too much. In fact he stopped sooner than I frankly wanted him to."

Nace: that's ...sweet?

And it's all beautiful and wonderful and fine until Bojan goes into Jan's room, which had been Martin's room, looking for some old guitar paddle boards that he'd left behind in the closest or something, and finds....a hunter's kit stashed away there. One that Jan had practically forgotten about, hasn't thought about using in months. It comes cascading down on him, stakes and holy water and other things, just as Jan walks in with a "what are you doing?"

"I was looking for some of Martin's old equipment, but, well." He gestures at the contents of a hunter's kit scattered on the floor.

"I can explain - " Jan begins.

"So all this time, you were just...biding your time? Gathering intelligence, I presume, and making plans to rid the world of a monster?"

"No!" Jan says, forcefully. "I don't think you're a monster. I haven't for a long time. I came here believing that and looking for proof of it, because the only other vampire I've ever encountered definitely was a monster. He nearly killed my family in front of my eyes. But the more I got to know you, the more I saw who you really were. You became my friend I care for you. I trust you. I'd never hurt you, I swear."

"You let me feed from your neck," Bojan says. "What was that? Were you fucking with me? Trying to prove how tough you are?"

That, more than anything, breaks him. It was the ultimate form of intimacy for Bojan and display of trust for Jan. It was vulnerability, showing his "monstrous" side, exposing what he sees as the worst of himself, the part he fears makes him unlovable, and having it accepted. And suddenly it seems like some kind of sick game.

"No," Jan helplessly insists. "I let you do it because I trust you with my life. I wanted it. It was real, I swear it was real."

Bojan shakes his head. "Real," he says bitterly. "I trusted you. I told you about my worst fears. While you were watching and deciding whether I get to live? Taking it upon yourself to be judge, jury, and executioner and it's all supposed to be okay because you decided that I do deserve to be alive?"

And that cuts deep, floors Jan. Because isn't that what happened? He came here with an intent to kill, thinking he had the right to play god. And he might not have killed, but he took it upon himself to have that power, while basking in Bojan's trust and affection.

"I'm sorry," Jan says. "Truly. And I'll do anything to fix this. Just tell me what to do."

Bojan just shakes his head. "I have no reason to believe a single word you're saying, and I don't know if I'd ever be able to trust you again."

(in another of the million variations we had in this scene, Bojan says something like

"so if I were really the monster that you think I am, what do you think I'd do now? I'd kill the person intent on killing me, right? "pin you down, drain you of blood, make sure you can never harm me again. Isn't that what a monster like me would do in this situation?"

"I don't think you're a monster. I haven't for a long time," Jan says.

"Is that ...is that supposed to make me feel better? Is that supposed to make it okay that you came here to kill me?"

"No," Jan agrees. "You have every right to be angry, and upset. I know you feel betrayed and can't possibly trust me anymore but. What we had, the friendship, the late-night conversations, the intimacy...for me, all that was real. And I'll do anything to fix this.")

(in yet another variation, Bojan picks up one of the stakes and holds it to his heart while stepping close to Jan.

"Go on, then," he challenges, looking painfully resigned. "Do it."

Jan shakes his head, has no intention of doing it, obviously, is begging Bojan to put it down, when the others walk in. See Bojan holding a stake to his own chest, the moment clearly heated, and assuming Jan has threatened one of them. Knowing Bojan would drive a stake through his own heart to protect his own friends.

"It's not what it looks like -" Jan protests, but they ignore him, grab Jan (who doesn't resist, and tell Bojan to drop the stake.

"Don't do it. Whatever he threatened, we're not afraid. We stick together." Which makes Jan feel even worse.)

Essentially, Bojan asks for space from Jan, to begin with. Which Jan of course respects. He tells the others what happened, and that makes them furious. Jan is desperately trying to convince them, too, that he's changed, of his true intentions, but they don't want to hear a word he has to say

"He actually felt confident enough to tell US to relax! Do you have ANY idea how much that meant to him?" Kris demands.

"you made Bojan so happy. You were good for him. And it was all a ploy? Disgusting."

one of the others adds "he'd have died for you, and this is how you treat him?"

And on that angsty note, I will end :)

[abrushwithdeath]

((Hey! Again, just wanted to say that I'm still alive ^^; As I said before, the interview went really well last week. Got my fingerprints done on Thursday morning. Had a call back yesterday morning. Tomorrow I have to go fill out some paperwork at 1, then, after that's finished, I could start working literally any time. It's going to be shorter shifts at the start, and it's only a temp / sub position (though it could turn to full time in the future) so, for now, I'll probably be working quite a bit / nearly full time until the person I'm covering for comes back. Then it's kind of... work whenever they need me. Which means probably having to get a second part time job just to be safe ^^; But hopefully that won't happen until well after Christmas.

Anyway- I can't make any promises about when I'll get to stuff, I've been trying to gather things up to put in my drafts to do when I have motivation. But for right now, between the move, unpacking, holidays, visiting family, babysitting (which has been, like, 3 times in the past week alone and the kids are great but they're 3 and 5 so... yeah, it can feel like a lot), and having been at least mildly sick for the last 3 weeks straight... I've just had a lot of brain fog and not a lot of motivation to write. However-! I'm trying to get back into READING, which always helps me get back into WRITING when I'm stuck! I just have to find a book that'll hook me enough that it gets my brain reeling again! (I'm also gonna try to sit down tonight and just WRITE a little, even if it's just short replies, so here's hoping that helps! Sometimes I just have to force myself to write some ^^;)

So, yeah! Book recs are always appreciated (though I can't promise I'll be able to read everything that's recommended because I have very limited $ right now), as are song recs (sometimes songs give me fun ideas~) Also, seriously, 1,000,000,000% always feel free to toss plot ideas / AU ideas / ship songs or playlists / whatever my way because they get my brain going sometimes! I know I've not been especially chatty lately, but I promise that I'm at least READING everything you send! So don't hold back! Sometimes all it takes is one fun little idea to get my mind running enough to start writing again xD

Love you guys! I hope your December is going well <3))

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Oh darn, I forgot my queue ran dry. But it's a nice, rainy day off and an old story has been on my mind. Let's call it Thursday Afternoon Toriyamaposting this time. I like Dragon Ball. Especially colloquially to mean I like the part where Goku's a weird kid from the mountains. The Z arcs have some fun parts but it's just such a roadmap for what I don't like in anime in others but I loved early Dragonball. It has a magic that made it so popular, really hitting at that common trend of popular manga featuring a clash between old and new. The Red Ribbon Army saga is where that fully feels like it comes o fruition which is why I love it so much.

It all starts with Muscle Tower, which like a certain first act I'm extraordinarily fond of works as an overture. This little moment has always been a favorite though. Girl save Goku, tells him of troubles, he sprints off to smash them, a young Eiichiro Oda is taking notes. But here Goku stops and figures out what snow is for the first time. The theme won't fully mature until the great side story of going to the city to find Bulma but it's here. Up until now Dragonball's world was hard to get a good grasp on. The Red Ribbon Army was a great vehicle to solidify that through. What technology they had, their operations beyond the magic balls that could make Red taller. Talking about inspiration, I wonder how much Toriyama took from Cyborg 009 here. That one wasn't afraid to rip from ongoing Cold War headlines, but the RRA clearly draws from the Axis Powers. Which by that point felt quaint and campy. Seriously, even the relatively clean landmark Japanese manga of the 80s has the hero dunking on foppish Germans and Japanese caricatures. Speaking of.

Then you have this weird usage of a past series. Arale and Penguin Village just end up being a theater of combat because fuck you that's awesome. Goku should have brought Arale to Namek. Look how fearsome she is. But honestly, also cool how the Red Ribbon Army keeps coming back. My favorite part of Z is when we're dealing with rogue androids of their making. Because you have 8 in this early part of the original arc it ends up being one of the most brilliant connections in the whole series. Saw they had come up again in Super, probably need to check that out.

[tammyfeabakker]

I have a lot of work this week... I'll be off and on. He blew! Its like deja vu. He blows they don't talk she i guess harasses him until he folds. Its like people not wanting to deal with unruly kids they don't discipline them. Because its easier to give in. I guess the hair twirling and thumb nail biting like wtf is that?!! The thumb biting. I watched this whole thing unfold. Rubbing her body on his truck her face was in his she was twirling and pulling on her hair and biting her thumb nail like she's being cute. I'm starting to get sick. I'm starting to get turned off by the whole thing. Loosing my interest. Because if that what he can't seem to let go of or fucking run from. The only difference is she didn't call out. The run down. He tells her off she plays ill jus go out Saturday then she doesn't come out not even take the dog out. Then she's out when he arrives and leaves from work with the dog. He sees the dog the dog sees him then he stops like an idiot. She calls out of work he drops her mail off. She called out then he has to call her to give her her mail. Then the shit show starts all over again. It turns my stomach. But I'm loosing interest which is good. By the time if he does ever ask me out. I'll probably turn him down. If he does. It jus seems he ain't getting no where he ain't moving on. He can't because he keeps folding giving into her. She will make both our lives a living hell. So I'm happy work has picked up. I'm jus so tired because my sleep is off because of my dear sweet boy merlin. I'm waiting to start at American greetings. Jus fill my days so I won't be here. He was a little upset I didn't go to dollar general for a job. Because I guess he knows where I'm at and frankly I'm glad I didn't go because ill see him all the time. Is he a out of sight out of mind or the absence makes the heart grow fonder type? Dunno . I know I'm the out of sight out of mind type. I'm jus going to work on my career. I have so much work piling up because your not done one task they throw on another. Without warning. It pisses me off but at least it will keep me busy. They lied this job but frankly I could use the time fill and money. Ill be back Thursday!! Love yas to the moon and back a million times. Chow for now.

[timeoverload]

Yesterday wasn't a very good day for me. I got woken up by a fox screaming in the yard again around 5am. I yelled out my window to scare it away and thankfully it worked. I don't like yelling at them because they are too cute. After that, I couldn't relax so I didn't go back to bed until about 6:30. I slept until noon which is unusual for me but I felt like I needed to do that.

My boss said that she was going to text me yesterday to let me know what is going on but she didn't. I didn't want to text her because I felt like I was annoying her about it on Thursday. I'm guessing she didn't get a chance to meet with the lady from HR either. I think it's so dumb that I have to jump through hoops to get time off. It wasn't this bad before I started specializing in eyes. They also switched to a new program for payroll a few years ago and it has gotten so much worse since then. My boss thinks I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday because I didn't want to tell her what I was doing. I shouldn't have to explain myself. That shouldn't be the only thing I'm allowed to take time off for. I am just so upset about it and I probably won't know until Monday unfortunately. I'm not going to bother her over the weekend about that.

I also was not feeling good all day and I was in a bad mood. My allergies are kicking my ass and I think inhaling rust particles on Thursday contributed to my issues. I love spring but I hate sneezing constantly.

I feel slightly better today. I had to go pick up some allergy medicine this morning because I'm afraid it's going to get bad again. I think I sort of did this to myself because I want to have my window open. It's just so nice out.

I am a little concerned because my grandma texted me last night at 10:30 and told me to call her when I'm not busy. I didn't see it right away but I told her I would call her this afternoon. I wanted to get a couple things done this morning before I did that. I am afraid that she is going to have bad news for me. She usually doesn't text me late at night so I thought that was weird.

I was thinking about my mom a lot yesterday because I realized I haven't heard anything from her in a while. I don't think she has texted me since November. She used to blow up my phone all the time and it was really annoying but at least I knew she was still alive. My grandma is the only person that she is in contact with anymore. I am afraid something happened to her because I couldn't stop having thoughts about her getting hurt before I got that text from my grandma. I don't know where she is or what she is doing. She is not in good health and I'm worried. I can't go see her by myself and I don't think I am going to get another chance anyway. There's nothing I can do about it.

I know my grandma hasn't been doing very well either. She will be 79 this year. She has been having a lot of health problems for a long time and I know she falls all the time. She is so depressed. I wish I could help take care of her like I used to but she's too far away now. She wants to move back here but she can't do it on her own. I think she needs a caregiver and she spends too much time by herself. I know she would be in a better mood if she wasn't alone all the time. I try to talk to her as often as I can and I know my dad calls her sometimes too. She is upset that my brother and sister don't want to talk to her and I feel bad. There's nothing I can do about it because they don't talk to me either. Hopefully she doesn't have something serious going on because I worry a lot. I want to be there for her because she deserves that after taking care of everyone else her whole life.

I need to stop jumping to conclusions and being anxious. I just need to call her and find out what is going on. Maybe she just wants to talk and I'm getting myself worked up for nothing.

Anyway, I think I am going to do that soon. I'm sure I will be on the phone for a while because that's usually what happens when I talk to her. I don't know what I am going to do after that but I will try to enjoy the rest of my day.

I hope that everyone has a good day today. 💖💖💖

[ofthecrowsandcranes]

thoughts of the week

i went into this intending to write a reflection on the grimoire challenge for this week but ended up thinking more about general reflections of my practice instead, so, thoughts:

like i said in this reblog, i'm using this challenge (and a bunch of other stuff) as frameworks, because i haven't really written down much of my practice. most of it lives in my head. i have (2) partial grimoires, one that's evolved into just a notetaking notebook and another that was digital that i don't really use because even though digitization makes it easier to organise, there's something about paper that i really, really like.

so my goal/intention for this challenge is to practice consistency. attempting the prompts that make sense to me, even if for some of them i know they're going to be a rough draft of what my practice ends up being. for the spellwriting 101 one, i haven't even done enough spellwork to know what process works best for me (consequences of being more pagan than witch for the past few years), so i took notes from @breelandwalker's how to write spells post since her process is concise and feels like a good checklist of "did i consider this aspect? am i being specific enough or not?" obviously my methods may change as i do more practical work but having a good starting point is what matters the most

one of my general goals for 2024 was to just Do things, and worry less about the finished product and more about the process. so some of my pages are messy and i don't have a specific order for things. i'm filling in the index/table of contents last so i can use it as a "where did i put this" list instead of a "this will go here" list. in the future, i'll probably use a binder or something with easily insertable pages/entries as a formal grimoire, but for now, i'm recording and practicing and that's what matters most for me, since i haven't done that before. despite four years of doing stuff on and off.

i'm gonna put a cut here because otherwise this post will be Massive but i'm gonna go into more detail about some of the pages/things that i did for reference.

monday

name your book: done! i just called it my spiritual lab notebook, since that's what it is.

definitions (ritual and spell): done! very UPG, but to me a ritual and a spell differ because a ritual is to affect the Now and a spell is to affect the Later. also rituals have more broad intentions vs a spell which has very specific intentions

Study herb: bay laurel! i did a bay leaf wish ritual on new year's day with my family and my mom asked why bay leaves, and i was like "hm, i don't know the specifics of why they're associated with wishmaking" so i added them to my herbs list so i could find out, and then learned it's because they're fucking bay laurel. i feel extremely stupid for not making that connection but! now i know!

tuesday:

outline: done! it's blank, i won't fill it in until the notebook is full

study gem: not done, still trying to decide how to substitute this. i might do tarot spreads instead.

spellwriting 101: done! discussed above

wednesday:

common tools: done! i really only put three things for now, but i'll probably go back and add things as i remember/find new tools. so far i've got tarot cards, embroidery thread, and candles, but in writing this i've remembered bells and jars and beads also

year outline/calendar: done! added the Big 4 (solstices & equinoxes), samhain, lughnasadh, and christmas (since my family celebrates it). will definitely be adding more as i go, but that's what i want to celebrate (or do celebrate) for now

Practical (tool usage): done! did a 3 card pull with my elemental power tarot, since i want to use it more as a reflective tool.

thursday:

altar design/workspace: done! sketched a layout of my current altar + wrote some wishes/dreams for when i have a different space.

practical (cleansing): not done yet—around this part of the week my chronic illness stuff started to flare up, and since cleansing involves actual cleaning for me, i couldn't really do it while resting. it's on my backburner for later.

friday:

personal practices: done! did a quick journal entry in DayOne

and that's all! if i can get to cleansing today i'll do it, but i have many other things to do also, so i'll get to it eventually.