#...if you're still here

[gelataisa]

I have to ask. Do you think Squalo knows he’s gay? Or are his future memories a surprise too?

Hello anon sorry it's been so long since you asked this. I hope you're still here to see the answer lol

But. Very headcanon territory here, diving in what are my baselines for head scenarios.

In my mind Squalo always knows. I have dwelled into these concepts in some of my last posts, but his future memories are like a dream come true to him. Whether he believes it's just that particular future self that got lucky or whether the memories bring him to confront Xanxus is something that I find very interesting, though I usually go with the first. But it could make a nice plot/chara study!!

Now, going back to the first question!!

To me Squalo is blissfully unaware of his sexuality when he first meets Xanxus, and that remains the case for a while!! He's just a kid obsessed with swords after all. Meeting Xanxus is a big shift but he didn't know how to sort out his feelings at first. Also because, the fact that he was in love did not negate the admiration he feels for xanxus' rage and lust for power.

It was only after the cradle (and with Xanxus gone) that he realised both his feelings for XX and his sexuality. Also, I like to think that the varia is a big queer community, so he wouldn't even feel any outside pressure or shame (and even if anyone was there to berate him... They are not the ones with the sword).

Soon after he realises his sexuality he starts having the first experiences and embraces, for the parts he thinks are fun, gay culture (mama luss is there to teach him). To me Squalo is a person that is unapologetically free. He does not care about judgement and prejudice (though he is very much aware of both). He just wants to live his life to the fullest

So yes, in my mind from late 16 to late 21 you can habitually find him in gay clubs and parties and pride parades!! He also gets laid a lot. But like, a lot lot.

In my opinion he never denied himself anything only because of Xanxus. In his heart of hearts he may be a hopeless romantic but he could never remain paralysed waiting for something that may even never happen

[grey-viridian]

Little good things in big bad times

[egophiliac]

queen of diamonds, upright + reversed 💎

I've redone this like eighty times, I have to just be done with it now and stop staring at all my mistakes oh no 🫠

[inkskinned]

i wrote an interactive poem for my girlfriend in 3 parts. she said you need to read it.

go here: take only the final quiz or take all 3. i don't mind. it's sad, though. this is a poem about choice. about fate and mental illness and how love fits inside of all of it. this is a poem about a long dark hallway. mostly this is a poem about mango sushi rolls.

good luck. i love you. despite it all, i'm hopeful.

[night-orchids]

There's just something about Rook and Lucanis reaffirming their support and love for each other throughout the game that makes me so emotional.

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[hyoninnuri]

Please.

[wistfulwatcher]

Oh, well, that was just, you know, hard work, timing, and a lot of luck. No, you got better. You don't just get better.

[nuclearanomaly]

Spite Loves...

[bluebirbbb]

old stuff i've never posted, might share more, stay tuned

bluesky | instagram

[vaguely-concerned]

the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)

after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)

the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol

lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him

[baker-chan-senpai]

My gift for @ot3 who asked for an exploration of Trucy and Phoenix's relationship for the @aa-spring-swap

[lucabyte]

Different standards

[lilislegacy]

One thing I’ve always found interesting is that Rick never really showed us the bridge between Percabeth being just friends to being in a serious relationship. A few little moments in The Staff of Hermes were the closest we got. Like, we see them say “I love you” to each other a few times throughout Heroes of Olympus, but it’s never implied that those were the first times they said it. Which means before TLH even starts, the two of them have gotten to that point. But In Staff of Hermes (which takes place a month into their relationship), they’re still in that slightly awkward phase of their relationship—you know, where they’re super into each other and obviously enjoying the perks of being a couple (aka making out), but haven’t quite settled into that groove of mature, comfortable romance yet. But by the time Percy gets kidnapped (just three months later), they clearly have found that groove, which is evident the second they reunite in MoA, because they’re totally at ease with each other, affectionate, and intimate in a way that supports the implication that those “I love you’s” I mentioned have already been exchanged. So it just makes me wonder when that shift happened? At what point in those three short months did they go from “I’m just happy we’re still together, honestly” to “I'm in love with you, and this is forever"?

Ugh, what I would give to see how they were right before Percy got kidnapped. Still holding on to a bit of that teenage casualness that disappeared during their 6 month separation, but also hopelessly in love and finally open and comfortable with it. URRGGGHHH!!!!

I love them.

[eddiepeaches]

happy together <3333

[wistfulwatcher]

1.05 Falling | 4.09 A Slippery Slope