#..and made them forget about his true identity in a matter of seconds lol

[mrs-gauche]

[favoniuscodex]

homecoming. [kaeya x reader]

prompt: a hug one might consider to be “too long” w/ kaeya, as requested by anon pairing: kaeya x gn!reader warnings: shamelessly flirty kaeya !!! he will flirt with u !!! watch out !!! he will steal your heart !!! also... pining lol. utter fluff. songs i listened to: when he sees me from waitress word count: ~1.4k words

a/n: implied height difference between kaeya and reader. god i love kaeya. kaeya is the superior ragnvindr brother because he comes home no matter what. i love kaeya. this is now a kaeya simp blog. i love u kaeya alberich ragnvindr idfc what last name you have, i’ll make it my last name if u let me. i love u kaeya,

you and captain kaeya were merely colleagues.

you had absolutely no romantic interest in the cavalry captain whatsoever. absolutely none. if approached with such heresy, you merely gave a tightlipped grimace and a shake of your head that signaled no, absolutely not. you had a purely professional relationship with kaeya alberich, your fellow captain and knight of favonius. the two of you were jovial around each other, but to hear such rumors of the two of you being madly in love or whatever farfetched tale the fresh recruits had made up as they slacked off was nothing less than infuriating.

such trivial gossip was false. everyone had joked about how the cryo vision-wielder had used such abilities to traverse your icy personality and break through the walls that you were nearly infamous for maintaining for so long. initial annoyance at these rumors had given way to hurt, for you knew that the rumors were partially true. the two of you weren’t hopelessly in love with each other. only one of you was: you.

but quelling such romantic gossip for the sake of your pride had proved to be difficult when your supposed lover was far too willing to play along. when approached with questions about your relationship with him, kaeya would only shrug and give a knowing smirk. if you caught him on a good day, he would even pretend to mull over the question, before flashing his pearly whites and holding a single finger up to his lips in the universal sign of shhh.

sure, you and kaeya spent time together both on and off duty, but such companionship merely extended into the realm of friendship. nothing more, nothing less. the two of you trusted each other both on and off the battlefield, working together seamlessly in both combat and in drinking games. your compatibility was undeniable, so much so that even acting grand master jean had picked up on it, assigning the two of you to nearly identical missions, despite the two of you leading two different regiments.

which, of course, led to his absence as his regiment (his regiment alone, you bitterly noted) had set out to inspect an outcropping of hilichurl camps forming near stormterror’s lair. the mission ran into overtime and thoughts of the blue-haired cavalry captain plagued you to the point where even albedo, who lived by the motto of not my emotions, not my problem when it came to interpersonal relationships, had commented on how out of it you looked. you had left his laboratory in a hurry, forgetting the paperwork you had visited him for and had to do a walk of shame back into his lab. the alchemist had simply given you a knowing smirk, but upon meeting his gaze, you merely shifted yours away and left with your documents in silence.

kaeya had even sent you a completely platonic, one-hundred percent friendly letter upon the extension of his mission. in this letter, he detailed how he would miss your company and wished he had as competent of a knight as you at his side, knowing that your presence would have made the mission both go and feel so much faster than the snail’s pace it was currently moving along at. such notions are completely platonic, you tell yourself upon reading his familiar handwriting upon the paper, kaeya does not return your affections.

however, that doesn’t stop the fluttering in your heart when you realize the letter in your hands smells exactly like kaeya alberich’s aftershave, almost as if he had purposefull- archons, you interrupted yourself, dropping the letter in shock and losing track of any semblance of thoughts you had prior. did i just sniff the letter kaeya sent me? have i really fallen that low?

the days after you receive the letter, you sympathize utterly with the snail’s pace kaeya described. the slow ticking of time mocks you, as each second feels more like ten. as you look longingly outside the window of your office, you partially expect the windmills within the city to have come to a stop, as if time had frozen in kaeya’s absence. however, they continue to spin, oblivious to your woes or the longing that nearly consumes you whole as one thought echoes through your mind: you miss your partner in crime.

when news of the cavalry regiment’s arrival begins to spread throughout the knights of favonius headquarters, you are discussing your squadron’s duties with acting grand master jean. a knight interrupts your conversation to share the news with her, but jean’s eyes quickly meet yours as soon as the information is shared. she laughs lightly at your poorly disguised expression of excitement.

“you can go see him,” jean offers and your eyes widen at her words. before you can sputter out some poor excuse of how you aren’t absolutely smitten with the cavalry captain and how your soul definitely, certainly, absolutely doesn’t cry out for his, she’s waving you off with a flick of the hand. “you are dismissed. this conversation’s over. go see him, i know you want to.”

“thank you,” the words that exit your lips are nothing but sincere. as you drop the denial act for once, you feel one of many weights off your chest. the secret falls between you and jean, but based on her initial reaction, you’re already doing an absolutely awful job of hiding your feelings to begin with. you smile at her before excusing yourself and scurrying out of her office.

you walk at a brisk pace. any faster and you would draw suspicion. the rumors of you and kaeya being lovebirds would only worsen. any slower and it would seem as if you didn’t care of his return, being both an awful friend and a horrid potential lover. so, despite the way you long to break out into a sprint and run to the gates of mondstadt, you walk at a controlled pace that feels all-too-slow, just like the passage of time in his absence.

when your eyes finally spot kaeya’s figure amongst the rest of his direct subordinates, you feel a tightness in your chest and butterflies erupt in your stomach. and when your gaze finally meets your favorite shade of blue, the one that swirls and dances in his revealed iris, you can’t hold back the grin that breaks across your face. whatever conversation kaeya was having with his colleagues before ends as he stops midsentence. you watch, frozen in place, as he quickly excuses himself from the situation.

the cavalry captain’s gaze never breaks from yours as he chooses to walk over to you, walking far too fast to not raise suspicion. your feet feel like lead, far too heavy to move, as you watch him approach you. the distance closes between the two of you, yet kaeya does not halt where you expect him to finally stand still. before you can register what he’s doing, kaeya wraps his arms around you and exhales heavily.

instinctively, your arms wrap around kaeya as well and you only pray he can’t hear the blood that roars in your ears, nor feel the way your head spins from finally, finally having him back again. time is frozen once more, yet for the first time since kaeya’s departure, you wish for it to stay this way. despite his cryo vision, kaeya gives the warmest hugs and you want nothing more than to stay in this moment of intimacy forever.

as you begin to remember where you are, your eyes, which you hadn’t realized you had closed in utter contentment, flutter open and you glance around, spotting fellow knights who are staring at the two of you, whispering admirably amongst themselves. worry sets in for kaeya’s reputation. sure, you were in love with him, but he certainly wasn’t in love with you and you wished not to sully him with bothersome rumors and office gossip to deal with. so, with a heavy heart, you decide to shatter your little fantasy, leaning up to whisper in kaeya’s ear.

“kaeya,” you begin and his grip tightens around you almost imperceptibly as you utter his name. you wonder if you imagined it. “the other knights are going to gossip abought this.”

“oh?” kaeya challenges, squeezing you just a bit tighter and pulling your bodies even closer together. you feel flustered from his actions and, in such close proximity, you can smell his cologne, your face nearly buried in his chest. as you angle your head so your ear lies flat against his torso, you can hear his heart beating rapidly as kaeya murmurs his next three words.

“let them talk.”

[makeste]

some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 306

mostly Deku angst, but also a little Baku angst (and some TodoBaku angst) mixed in for good measure. because there’s plenty of angst to go around.

1. “if I’d only been stronger...”

I’ll talk more about Deku later in this post as well, because there’s definitely plenty to talk about; this is the most character development he’s gotten in almost 200 chapters. but for starters, I want to discuss the possible parallels between Deku’s current character arc, and what is arguably the most iconic moment of angst/character development in the series.

remember how this kid, who up until this point had rarely seemed to give two fucks about the world around him, suddenly revealed that he blamed himself for being the downfall of All Might? remember how it came almost out of nowhere? how he’d been hiding it, and trying to suppress it? “but even if I try to forget... sometimes it all just comes rushing back.”

yeah. so anyway, I got to thinking -- if being the cause of one hero’s downfall could affect someone this badly, what about being responsible for the downfall of all heroes?

what if a boy who wanted nothing more than to keep people safe suddenly found himself at the epicenter of a disaster that killed hundreds, possibly even thousands of people?

now obviously, this is not the sole thing that’s troubling Deku right now; this kid has a whole array of traumas as of the War arc. like, you know it’s bad when Society As We Know It Coming To An End Partially Because Of You is the least of your problems. but still, I think this is worth bringing up, because the hero kids blaming themselves for things that aren’t their fault is hardly anything new. and yet, what with everything else that’s been going on -- all of the Todoroki drama, and Vestige revelations, and hospital antics, and political strife -- I feel like it’s easy to forget or overlook this little detail.

the fact is that AFO put this entire plan into motion solely in the hopes of finally obtaining OFA. every single thing that happened at Jakku -- Tomura powering up; Machia waking up and going on his rampage (after being ordered to do so by Tomura); and even Dabi/Touya choosing this moment to finally strike (because he knew this was when the reveal would do the maximum damage -- when people’s faith in heroes was already wavering) -- every last bit of it can ultimately be traced back to AFO’s desire to steal OFA. which, obviously, makes it AFO’s fault, not Deku’s. but then, Kamino wasn’t actually Katsuki’s fault either. it wasn’t his fault the villains went after him (but he blamed himself anyway), and it wasn’t his fault that people got hurt in the ensuing battle to save him (but he blamed himself anyway).

just. I think we’re underestimating just how strong of an impact all of this likely had on Deku. we haven’t really had the chance to see him process it yet. he’s been too busy, and there have been too many other things going on. but I’m telling you guys, that empty look in his eyes in the final page of the chapter? I can all but guarantee you that at least some of that emotional weight is coming from this.

sure would be nice if he had a friend who knew exactly what that was like, and could help him process the guilt and all of the other associated emotions, just like Deku once helped him. unfortunately I’m not so sure things will be that easy this time around. anyways though let’s move on to a couple of other thoughts and speculations.

2. “...and I bullied him.”

one of my least-favorite BnHA fanfic tropes is the one where the rest of class 1-A somehow finds out about Katsuki and Deku’s history -- i.e. that Katsuki bullied Deku throughout most of their childhood. mind you, it’s not the concept itself that I dislike; it’s mostly how it’s used. a lot of times it’s just an excuse to have all of the other kids turn on Katsuki and ostracize him; either because the author thinks that’s what he deserves, or else so that Deku can eventually come to his rescue and defend him and shame the rest of the class for not seeing how much he’s changed. either way, it’s usually pretty awkward to read, and more often than not the characters are pretty OOC (especially Ochako and Todoroki).

however! there’s a big difference between fanfic and canon, and just because I’m not a fan of this trope in the former doesn’t mean it couldn’t be executed well in the latter. and lately I’ve been thinking about this a lot. mainly for three reasons:

the recent (can we still call it recent?? well whatever) scene where Katsuki confessed to All Might that he used to bully Deku is now one of my favorite scenes in the entire series, and proof that this can be executed well.

both Todoroki and Deku have finally had their respective big secrets revealed to the rest of the class. so like, idk. feels like it just might be secret-revealing season now, you know?

and lastly, as a result of Deku’s secret about OFA finally being revealed, the rest of 1-A now either knows, or can extrapolate, that he used to be quirkless.

and from there, I feel like it’s not all that hard to put two and two together with how terrible Kacchan and Deku’s relationship was when they first started at UA. that’s not a terribly difficult puzzle to solve. so I feel like it might come out anyway, and if so, I’d prefer Bakugou telling them himself, and taking responsibility as part of his atonement process. because we know that he regrets it. we know their relationship has changed. we know that he has changed. and so I think I might like to see this.

alternately, if confessing to the entire class is too much, at the very least I could see him confessing to Shouto, because I’ve always felt like this was one of the big things that made Katsuki so resistant to letting Todoroki call him a friend. because I feel like there’s a part of Katsuki that saw the parallels between Endeavor’s abuse of Shouto and his own bullying of Deku, and thought, he wouldn’t be so quick to call me his friend if he actually knew the truth. and so there’s actually been this roadblock wedged between them this whole time that Shouto doesn’t even know about. because Shouto hates Endeavor. and so it’s not such a leap to assume he’d hate Katsuki too if he knew just how terrible he’d been to Deku when they were younger.

not that I think he actually would! actually I don’t think either of those things is actually true (because Shouto clearly doesn’t hate his father either, in spite of everything that’s happened). but the point isn’t what I think -- the point is what Katsuki thinks. and I really do think there’s a good chance he’s worried about Shouto hating him, and it’s one of the things that’s made him so reluctant to accept his friendship. anyway, so I’m really just rambling now, but you get my point. I don’t know if this is actually going to happen, but it’s a scene I would like to see if Horikoshi decides to indulge me.

3. “...so when you wake up, please give him my best.”

and now, as promised, back to Deku.

ngl guys, when I first saw this image, my immediate thought was that Gran must have died. because I mean, hello, leaving U.A.?? donning himself in his teacher’s old cape?? empty, exhausted look in his eyes?? what else were we supposed to think lol.

but maybe that was an overreaction. because when I think about it more, Gran’s death isn’t strictly necessary in order to push Deku over the edge. first of all, there’s already the whole “hero society is in ruins now because of you” thing I mentioned earlier. but also, there are just so many other things. like, let’s just list them here because omg. what a rough couple of days this kid had.

he was forced to battle TomurAFO and was terribly injured in the process (most of which was his own fault, but he wouldn’t have gone that far with OFA unless he felt like he had no choice)

and it wasn’t just him that was injured, either. in fact, even though he tried to act as bait to keep everyone else safe, he wasn’t able to stop three of the people closest to him from nearly being killed right before his eyes

and of course that last one was especially traumatic, because it was Kacchan, and because he had to watch Kacchan nearly die just to protect him. out of all the things that Deku witnessed in this arc, this might be the one that had the biggest impact on him

he was also basically helpless to do anything to protect Shouto and Endeavor when Dabi showed up. so again, we have this running theme of people he cares about being hurt and him not being able to save them

and he also got sucked into the OFA Interstellar Dream Vortex for a brief spell during the battle, during which he learned that AFO had possessed Tomura. more importantly, he learned that Tomura was Nana’s grandson, a fact which was only briefly touched on during that scene, but which I think wound up being the trigger to the whole avalanche that ended with Deku leaving UA. but more on that in a moment

anyway so just to wrap this all up, the battle eventually ended, Tomura got away despite all of their efforts, and then Deku wound up comatose in the hospital for two days. which brings us to the most recent chapters, during which

Deku learns that he will be the last wielder of OFA, whether he likes or not

Deku learns the identity of the last two mystery OFA users

and then at some point, he wakes up and presumably talks to Gran, and winds up with his cape

something happened during these last two scenes which helped to push Deku over the edge. I won’t delve into the matter of the Second or Third users for now, although most of you already know my suspicions regarding that, and I do think that would fit into the general pattern here (that is, the pattern of Deku feeling more and more strongly that he is putting the people around him in danger, and his fear of losing them becoming so overwhelming that it eventually pushes him to leave).

but that’s not what I want to talk about for now. what I want to talk about is Gran. specifically, what it is that Deku discussed with Gran. and this is where we come back to that reveal I mentioned earlier -- that Tomura is Nana’s grandchild.

basically, what I think happened is that Deku mentioned seeing Nana in the OFA Zany Psychedelic Spirit Void, which led to the topic of Tomura, and the fun fact Deku recently learned about him being related to Nana. this, in turn leads to Gran divulging his various regrets about everything that happened with him and Nana and Kotarou. his intent is to apologize to Deku for placing the burden of their failures on him. unfortunately, the part that Deku actually gets fixated on instead is this:

All for One hunted down and killed Nana’s son (and probably her husband as well), and stole her grandchild and psychologically tortured him into becoming a mass murderer, for no other reason than that Nana had once held OFA

in other words, AFO can and will hurt and kill anyone Deku is close to, anyone who has any kind of connection to him at all, without mercy, and regardless of whether it actually gives him any kind of tactical advantage or not. he’ll do it simply to hurt him. no other reason necessary.

I don’t know about you, but for me that would be a terrifying realization. and for Deku, I think it just might have been the tipping point.

so, let’s recap.

Deku learns that AFO is after him

AFO/Tomura very nearly kills several of Deku’s most important people, including Kacchan

and then he learns that this is just the tip of the iceberg, and realizes that all of their lives are still in danger and will continue to be as long as Deku is AFO’s target

and then add to all of this the misplaced guilt about society already being shambles, and the heroes already having more than enough to worry about. they’re barely holding things together as it is. and we already know how Deku feels about being a burden to them:

and so instead, he leaves. of course he does. in hindsight, I think this was inevitable.

the question is, did anyone else also put the pieces together in time to realize what Deku was planning before he actually left? specifically, did Katsuki, who understands Deku’s self-sacrificial nature better than anyone else, see the signs and put two and two together? like he did back at Jakku?

and if he did, would Deku have been willing to accept his help again?

somehow, I can’t help but think it might not be that easy this time.

anyway, so that was a lot of rambling, lol. sorry about that. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS about all of this angsty shit. tired nomad Deku needs hugs and comfort and someone to reassure him that he doesn’t have to face this alone, and that everything is going to be all right. HE IS JUST A LITTLE BOY. this is too much, and I cannot handle any of these feels, and oh my god, somebody please help him.

[sunaswife]

𝕻𝖗𝖔𝖌𝖗𝖆𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖉 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖍𝖎𝖒

Shigaraki X f! Reader

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, brainwashed/ programmed reader, implied kidnapping, Dom/sub, use of the word ‘pet’ and ‘master’, first time sex, uh..does this count as yandere..? Idk lol

🔪: this is like my second time writing smut so I’m sorry if it’s bad 🙇‍♀️ plz don’t spank me. N E Wayz I dedicate this fic to @aoi-turtle 🖤 and Any other shiggy whores out there

Edit: I FORGOT TO TAG @dinablossom and @toworuu IM SO SORRY BSVAKAGSJA

Summary: Imagine being programmed to be the leagues healer but also Shigaraki’s little cum bucket

♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎♡︎☠︎︎

“Master what is the meaning of this.” Shigaraki looked at the television screen as he scratched his neck. “I took her quirk and made it a thousand times better.” He said simply. “Tomura shigaraki where should I place her?” Kurogiri asked. “Anywhere. I don’t care. I just don’t understand why you brought a stupid hero here.” He said annoyed.

“Now now—“ “Shut up and put her somewhere out of my sight!” Tomura demanded and Kurogiri sighed and carried your body to the spare room by shigaraki’s private quarters. You looked dead, you were exhausted, traumatized, in shock.

You were frozen. Your eyes stayed open, unblinking as you stared at the ceiling. It looked as if you were dead. But your body is warm and you were breathing, you’re alive and you’ll recover quick. Thanks to the quirk All for One fixed for you.

Dabi smirked at your ruined form. Spinner hid his rosy cheeks, you were a cute one. Toga was excited to have another girl in the league she talked with Twice about all the fun things you two could do together. Whether it be painting your nails, doing your hair, torturing someone, or making them bleed. She was excited.

“What’s so good about her quirk that you needed it.” Shigaraki asked. “It’s come to my attention that the league has been missing an important puzzle piece.” He started off. “Yeah? What’s that?” The light blue haired man asked. He was beyond ticked off to have a hero here. “She’s not a hero. She was training under UA’s school nurse. But she fell into the hero course for recovery and first aid training.” He said and everyone stayed silent and patiently listened to the brain behind the league.

“Her quirk is pyrokinetic regeneration. She manipulates fire with the energy of the person who needs healing and together she heals with so called fire. Her quirk was small, only a few cuts a bruises here and there could she heal. But I added cell regeneration so she can even fix up deep wounds that could need surgery in a matter of days instead of months.”

“Sounds amazing! No she could use her fire against us!” Twice said and Toga nodded. “She won’t. Her fire doesn’t burn unless you’re hurt.” Kurogiri returned. “But she’s still a hero brat so wouldn’t she try to resist?” Dabi asked. “I don’t know but let me try and see!” Toga giggled and pulled out a knife she easily slit her wrist and skipped her way to your new room.

Out of curiosity the other members followed suit. Shigaraki first, he wanted to see if you were truly useful if not then he’d disintegrate you right here and now. “Hi hi new friend! My name is Toga!” The psychotic girl giggle as her blood dripped all over the floor. You looked up slowly from your spot on the bed. “H-hi...T-toga..” your voice was low. “Kurogiri Can you bring her some water?” Toga asked and he left and came back in the blink of an eye.

Your hands were shaking for the cup of water but Toga held it back, away from you. “If you want the water then heal my wrist first.” She said sweetly with a giggle. “Heal your wrist?” You whispered and she nodded. “O-okay..” you stuttered and you slowly removed the blanket from your lap. You stood up with wobbly legs to go to the girl but you fell. The chain on your ankle pulled you back. You winced and looked at her, pleading for her to come to you. She asked if you were okay and when you responded she shoved her bloody arm to your face. “Take a deep breath. This may sting...” you started and a small green flame came upon your hand. You rubbed the flame over both of your hands like you were putting on lotion, finally when the flames covered both hands you pressed hard on her wrist. She winced, “ow ow ow.” She whimpered, you removed your hands and everyone stared at the flame around her whole wrist. “Give it thirty seconds....or not...” you said as you stared wide eyed at her already healed cut. It was barley a touch and it’s gone now. “Wow. No scar!” She giggled and turned to show the guys. “Wow stab me next, please don’t or else I’ll bite ya!” Twice said and you reached for the water. “Interesting.” Shigaraki mumbled with a small squint. Kurogiri looked over and hoped he wouldn’t do anything bad to you.

“Shows over. She needs her rest.” Kurogiri said and everyone left one by one. Toga gave her a hug and wished for you both to be the best of friends and she skipped away. “Tomura Shigaraki. What are you thinking?” Kurogiri asked as Shigaraki began to walk into your room. “Nothing that concerns you.” He spat and slammed the door. Kurogiri sighed but returned to the bar nonetheless.

“Do you know who I am?” Shigaraki asked, “Yes you’re the leader of the league of villains, You’re name is Tomura Shigaraki and your quirk is decay—“ “that’s enough!” He raised his voice and looked at you with wide eyes.

You looked so sad and you glanced down at your cup. “Mr. shigaraki I know I don’t usually talk this much. I’ve always been the quiet type. I think whoever kidnapped me gave me a huge sense of knowledge. I know the league is bad but I don’t care about the heroes anymore and I don’t know why. I know everything about you guys, your true identity, your quirks, your past. And when I see you I—“ you quickly stopped yourself.

Shigaraki raised a brow. “You what?” He asked curiously. “N-nothing. Just forget it.” You answered and he growled. “Answer me now before I kill you.” He said and your legs subconsciously clenched together. You stayed quiet and your chest rose and fell a little more quickly. Why was this feeling in your chest when this killer, this man child looked at you? What exactly did the man he calls master do to you?

Before you knew it he gripped your chin and lifted it harshly so you could look at his wrinkly red eyes. Even though he looks like a bum he smelled nice and clean. A hand was covering his face and you slowly lifted your hand to touch it and his other hand grabbed your wrist. “What the fuck are you doing? Do you have a death wish you fucking idiot?” He growled and you gulped. “C-can i see your face?” You asked and he tilted his head confused.

“No. Answer my question-“ before you both knew it, as if your body had a mind of its own you tackled shigaraki down and you snatched the hand off his face. His hand quickly wrapped around your neck and arm and you pressed your lips against his. He halted his finger from pressing against your neck. He was beyond confused.

“If only tomura finished listening to what i had to say.” All for one chuckled loudly. You both were able to faintly hear the television from down the hall. “He would know that I managed to change y/N’s desires and whole way of thinking. She’s now with the league of Villains and she’s in love with its leader, Tomura Shigaraki. Consider it a present and motivation for the future of the league.” You both heard and you pulled away from him. “I’m sorry. I should have asked.” You said lowly. He stood there stunned and silent.

He slowly sat up and looked at your figure. “So you were brainwashed like my Nomu.” He hummed and took a few steps back. He noticed how you crawled closer to him but the chain was keeping you away.

“Who do you love?”

“You.”

“Who do you belong to?”

“You.”

“Who’s your master?”

“Tomura Shigaraki.”

You said and he smirked. He was gonna have fun with you. “At least master was kind enough to give me a beauty.” He said as he held on to the chains. “Don’t freak out.” He warned and you nodded. He disintegrated the chain around your ankle and he pulled you by the arm. You were wearing an ugly hospital gown and you were barefoot. You couldn’t help but shiver. He went next door to his room and he shoved you in and slammed the door. You nearly tripped over the mess and you turned to look at shiggy. “Why are you just standing there?” He asked, “You haven’t given me orders.” You deadpanned. “You can’t think for yourself?” He questioned. “No i can but I Don’t want to upset you.” You replied.

“Fine then clean this shit up.” He referred to his very very messy room. You nodded and began to lift up a piece of trash but he pulled you away. “Change first.” He said and handed you a black hoodie. “Do you have a bathroom?” You asked. “No change here.” He said and you nodded. You turned so your back was facing him and carefully began to take off the gown, leaving you completely bare and Shigaraki couldn’t help but look.

Your skin was so beautiful and looked so soft. He saw as you carefully put on his hoodie and it completely engulfed you. It reached to your mid thigh. You slowly turned to look at him with rosy cheeks. The hoodie smelled just like him. “Tomura—“ “It’s master to you.” He Interrupted and you nodded, subconsciously squeezing your thighs together once more. “Sorry...m-master.” You said and played with the hem of his hoodie.

“Master..can I have some underwear too...? I feel weird, when I’m bare underneath..” you asked. “No, continue cleaning my room.” He answered coldly and sat on his gaming chair. He turned on his console and began playing whatever game he had.

You sighed and you couldn’t help but admire his gorgeous yet scarred face and his beautiful long fingers. In an instant he can kill you, but if you’re good..then he might even reward you. If you were to die, I’d rather be in the hands of your master than anyone else.

You quickly began you pick up the instant ramen bowls and bags of chips. You separated recycling and trash. You even managed to pick up all his dirty clothes and put it in the hamper in less than an hour. Tomura was stunned, one minute he can barley walk in, the next It’s almost spotless. He saw you from the corner of his eye, you were folding his clothes that practically had the same color scheme.

“Can i go through your drawers to put your clothes away..?” You finally spoke up. “Yeah it’s whatever. I don’t care.” He mumbled and returned to the screen. “Ugh stupid game!” He huffed and began pressing the controller more furiously. You chuckled and thought that it was so cute and adorable when he was frustrated.

You went to his California king sized bed and began to fix the sheets and make his bed. Since it was so huge, you had to climb on to properly fix it. You were completely in your own world when Shigaraki turned and saw your wet cunt on display in all it’s glory. Ever since he saw you he couldn’t help but feel that urge to take you. His resistance was getting to him and now he wanted to give in to his urges even more. He was too distracted that he lost the fucking game and he growled and disintegrated the controller. That was his own form of rage quitting.

You heard his sound of frustration so when you turned you expected him to be in the same chair uttering bullshit, but you were shocked when you felt your hips being pulled back. Your cunt was touching his pants, but you can feel his bulge. “Um..master..I—“

“Shut up.” He said and reached for your neck. He pulled you back to him and wrapped his other arm around your waist, hovering your aching clit. “This is whats gonna happen.” He started off and you nodded. “I’m going to fuck you. And you’re going to like it. Okay?”

“I understand.” You said softly, you felt his hands slowly lift up the hoodie just a bit to get a better view of your ass. You couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed. “I know I’m probably not your dream girl but I promise to be a good girl, master..” your voice shook. He tilted his head, were you getting insecure?

“No pet, you’re perfect to me.” He assured and you could hear his belt jingle as he took it off. “You seem pretty wet already, pet. Since how long have you been like this?” He asked as he got out of his jeans. He slowly open your cheeks to reveal your little pussy clenching around nothing, how cute. “Since I saw you..” you mumbled. He smirked and leaned down. He immediately began to eat out your cunt causing you to gasp in shock and grip the sheets. Your chest layed roughly against the bed as your ass stood proud in the air for the leader of the league of villains to enjoy.

“Fuck—“ you moaned and you felt a slap on your ass. You slightly jumped released a small yelp. “Watch your language.” He growled from your pussy. “Yes master.” You whimpered and he slowly began to rub his thumb on your other hole. Your small moans filled the room and he easily slipped his middle finger in you. You squeezed around him so deliciously, he couldn’t help but wished his cock was inside.

This has never happened to him before, this feeling in his chest. Someone that loves him and will obey his every command. You’re so beautiful as well, and your sounds. Your moans and whimpers, in all honesty he jut wanted to get himself off. But after hearing you and seeing you. He wants to make sure you have pleasure as well.

He continued pumping his finger in and out of your slick walls and your voice started getting slightly higher. “Master...I—I’m gonna cum...”you panted and your toes began to curl. “It’s okay, cum for me, pet. You’ve been a good girl.” He said softly and he felt you clench around his finger. When you came he slowly removed his finger and examined it. You must be new to is if you could get off with just one of his long fingers.

You layed on the bed a bit tired, not paying attention to your master who had tasted your cum on his finger. It was delicious and he wanted another taste. When you felt a lick on your cunt again you immediately shivered and clenched your thighs. “Hold still I just wanna taste some cum.” Shigaraki huffed and he pulled your thighs apart. You were pretty sensitive but you obeyed nonetheless.

You moans began to fill the room once more and before you could finish and cum again he pulled away. You automatically whimpered and turned to give your master puppy dog eyes. “I would let you cum again, but my cock is so fucking hard I don’t think I can wait another minute.” he said and began to pull down his boxers.

Before you could get back in position, which freaking hurt, he flipped you over on your back and you made a small oof noise. You looked up to See shigaraki focused on his cock, he was rubbing himself up and down your slit to use your cum as lube. “Alright I’m going in.” He announced and slowly pushed his rather large member inside your tint cunt. You immediately yelped and held on to his biceps. “M-master wait—it hurts..” you pleaded and Tomura finally looked up at your face.

He loves inflicting pain, he loves watching people’s painful expressions when they’re hurt or when they’re gonna die. Chisaki’s face was so amusing. But when he saw yours, his heart shattered and he didn’t want to hurt you at all. You’ve been nothing but good to him, he doesn’t want to hurt his little toy. “I’m sorry.” He apologized, “it’s okay..” you sniffled. After a minute of him being patient you gave him a nod and he continued to slowly bottom out.

You both released a moan when he was all the way in. You both have never felt anything like this before. “Can I start moving?” Shigaraki asked you as he brushed way the hair from your face. You nodded and he pulled almost all the way out and he slammed back in. Your little gasps and moans came back which made shigaraki feel at ease. You can clearly hear your slick with every thrust and it was music to his ears.

“I’ve been neglecting these.” He grunted and lifted his hoodie over your chest. Finally he was able to see your beautiful soft breasts bouncing with each thrust. “Fuck you’re so beautiful.” He moaned and immediately lowered his mouth to one of your nipples. You squealed and your back arched and he pushed you down. “Master...” you moaned softly. His tongue swirled around your hardened bud and your fingers tangled in his light blue hair. Two of his fingers pinched your other nipple and he lightly bit the nipple in his mouth.

“I think I-I’m close—“ you gasped and he removed his mouth. His thrusts decreased in speed but they became harder. He had a stupid smirk on his face and your eyes widened when he wrapped his hand around your throat. “Hold it until I say so.” He demanded and you muttered a weak yes. He felt how your gummy walls squeezed against his large dick, he was getting close too. “Fuck Fuck Fuck.” He groaned with his head tilted back and your mouth watered at the sight. Why is he so fucking handsome?

He could feel himself getting closer to his climax so he rubbed his thumb on you clit while increasing his pace once more, causing you to be even louder than before. Everyone in the bar could hear and a certain fire villian grumbled in annoyance. “Master I can’t hold it anymore!” You screamed. “Then cum my stupid little pet. Cum all over my cock like a good girl.” He grunted and bit his lip at the sight of your sweaty body. Your bouncing breasts, crazy hair, your adorable ahego face, your twitching legs and finally your grip on his biceps. You were so prefect and so good to him and only him.

When you came you felt his cum shoot inside you as well causing you to gasp at the delicious feeling. Tomura rested his head on your shoulder and tried catching his breath. You couldn’t help but smile and blush at the closeness. You slowly wrapped your arms around him and you gave his shoulder a kiss causing him to freeze. “I love you master, thank you for making me feel good.” You said softly. He chuckled and pulled you closer, “I love you too.”

I wanna write a part 2 of Shiggy finding out his little toy is being used by a certain fire boy 👀

[thelostmoongazer]

sooooo this is an au thats been in the works for a few weeks now! Ive been calling it the ForgetMeNot AU but @spudinacup​ has been calling them the Dust Bunnies and i just.... lets just say its an alternative name 

to put this au in the briefest description, this is a direct spin-off of the GONE WRONG AU (thank you spud for enabling me) where a divergence in events leads to Steven's body getting cremated and his ashes being spread over the hill where Steven died/where the injector landed, for ceremonial purposes. This au also incorporates a theory/au that @faranae​ has that involves the injector originally being used to create new gems/spinels. With this in mind, cremation ashes are commonly used to create diamonds to put in jewelry as memorabilia. So, with those two concepts in mind... i’m sure you can see where im going with this

(This au is based entirely around the events that will happen in the GW AU, events that I am in no way privy to how they occur so i’m just here for the ride, folks)

READ UNDER THE CUT FOR MORE DETAILED CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS AND NOTES 

•Cloud•

   Pronouns: They/them (occasional he???)

   Age: Last to emerge

   Flaw: Twinning wisps (in layman’s terms, when too many outside elements interfere and stunt the growth of the diamond) (design more heavily based on this) 

   Symptoms: light projection is underdeveloped. Black misshapen “skin” is warped over crystalline “nursery clusters”. (I headcanon that in the early stages of gem growth, their entire form is nothing more than a small, light projection cluster of the gem their made of, but then this condenses into one spot, the gem, thus leaving behind the refined light projection and hardening the gem.) The underdeveloped skin is black/reddish because of the presence of other elements, receding it’s formation.

   Personality: All three are curious about the world, sure, but only Cloud is as forward with their intrigue. They have the mentality of “This interests me, I am going to learn more.” Which often leads them to invading boundaries and personal bubbles.    They are the most likely out of the three to ask questions and strike up conversation (that is, at least, when they learn English. Even though I can still see them trying to anyway even with broken English lol) making them very charismatic and friendly. This, in turn, makes Cloud act as the three’s door to learning more about this new world they’ve found themselves in.

   Other Notes:    - Representation of Pink Diamond. Poofy pants, Leotard over pants, Flats. Their Personality also reflects this, mimicking Pink Diamonds childlike curiosity and hunger for knowledge about life on earth.    - Meant to mimic Steven’s friendly nature.

•Sky•

   Pronouns: She/He/They

   Age: second to emerge

   Flaw: Clouding

   Symptoms: Pigment discoloration around eyes paired with iris colomba (poor vision)

   Personality: Sky is the grounding force of the group, they are the one to bring them back down to earth and be the calm when either of them go into their own heads too much. They are also fairly curious about the world but isn’t as direct about it, mostly preferring to observe from afar unless encouraged (or enabled) by the others (*coughcough* cloud *coughcough*) this isn’t to be confused with skittish, though. If sky were to be approached by someone unknown they wouldn’t run away, they’d most likely stay where they are and give you a funny look.    Sky will often need encouragement, direct or indirect, from the other two to make their own willing decisions, and will often parrot cloud or slug. Sky will often act as their dictionary or mental catalogue. If one of them forgets the word to something it’s likely sky will be the one to remember it.

   Other Notes:    -Representation of Rose Quartz. Shawl layer in the shape of RQ’s dress, loose ringlets, bare feet. Their personality reflects Rose Quartz’s mature and nurturing energy with the deep love for all those they hold dear.     - Meant to mimic Steven’s caring spirit    -due to iris colomba, her vision is very poor. But a symptom of iris colomba is the presence of floater spots in ones vision which, in children, can lead to a more developed use for peripheral vision. This is the case for Sky.

•Slug•

   Pronouns: He/They

   Age: First to emerge

   Flaw: Black Inclusions (bits of spinel?)

   Symptoms: Black splotches all over body, mental conflict (short temper, mild co-dependency)

   Personality: Being the first to emerge, Slug takes on the role of protector. This makes him very defensive and slightly possessive of the other sibling. He is the most antisocial of the group but can be easily swayed into any activity by the other two, especially when it comes to affection. He typically comes off as crass and rude to strangers (or anyone who isn’t sky or cloud), but if his trust is earned (with a lot of effort) he will show it rather than say it. Slug is the most visually observant and spatially aware out of the two and acts as their sharper set of eyes (this also going hand in hand with their role as protector).

   Other Notes:    - Representation of Steven. Jacket, (comparatively) shorter curly hair, sandals.    His personality reflects Stevens protective nature (and temper) and desire to help. Wanting nothing more than to be useful to those he cares about most.    - Meant to mimic Steven’s will to fight

•Overall Notes•

   • These gems emerge about 3-4 or so months after the current events of GONE WRONG (THIS IS LIKELY TO CHANGE) 

  • Each gems deformities/premature emergence all make these gems extremely brittle compared to a normal perfect cut diamond (or even a regular gem for that matter)

  • 3 gems instead of one was the fact that a pink diamond, in essence, is practically identical to a white diamond, as far as whats in it’s chemical compound to effect it’s color. With this in mind, its been explained before that White Diamond carries the essence of the entire spectrum. If this is true, then why wouldn’t a pink diamond if they’re practically identical? Therefore, the result of adding those residual properties of a pink diamond from within the ashes, would produce the “purest” forms of the spectrum. White, yellow, and blue. All of them tinted slightly with an ashy pinkish hue.

   • Many things were factors in their premature growth, but a main factor is the amount of injector fluid that was provided in the growing process. When spinel first lands the injector, its very apparent that there is plenty of fluid injected into the hill right upon impact. But in this circumstance, after the current events in Gone Wrong, the injector goes idle (or is possibly removed and relocated by/to Little Homeworld but that is completely up in the air and reliant on future events in GW.) and what little fluid was left behind by the injector was what was used to grow the three gems 

   • Currently, their vocabulary is very limited. They will normally speak in 1-3 word sentences unless they are parroting. Although, given that they are technically elite gem, albeit deformed, they do have the programming for an advanced ease of grasp on language. 

   • Because of their human influence, they have taken on specific traits of Steven. Yes, different physical aspects (facial features, body type, clothing, etc.) but they also gained instincts from Steven. Not to be confused with memories, but rather impressions of specific muscle memory.     Although they don’t need to, they will sometimes desire sleep or food, often unknowingly acting on human instincts. They will even find themselves drawn to specific things/places/people, finding them familiar or warming up to this thing/place/person with ease. (e.g. feeling familial attachment to Pink!Steven not long after first contact with him, with the exception of Slug (lol))     This can include, but is not limited to, other absent minded behaviors; such  as, inflections in speech, subtle ticks (i.e. humming, tapping feet, idle movements), specific hand gestures, ect.

[arctic-comet]

Osblaineweek2021, Day 2: Prose

I love book quotes. Looking at quotes is one of my favorite ways to to inspire myself to write more fic.

Here’s a small collection of book quotes (and recs!) of where I’ve “found” June and Nick.

This post contains spoilers for the following books/series:

- Lover Mine by JR Ward

- The Wrath and The Dawn duology by Renée Ahdieh

- A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas

Lover Mine by J.R. Ward

Summary:

John Matthew has come a long way since he was found living among humans, his vampire nature unknown to himself and to those around him. After he was taken in by the Brotherhood, no one could guess what his true history was- or his true identity. Indeed, the fallen Brother Darius has returned, but with a different face and a very different destiny. As a vicious personal vendetta takes John into the heart of the war, he will need to call up on both who he is now and who he once was in order to face off against evil incarnate. Xhex, a symphath assassin, has long steeled herself against the attraction between her and John Matthew. Having already lost one lover to madness, she will not allow the male of worth to fall prey to the darkness of her twisted life. When fate intervenes, however, the two discover that love, like destiny, is inevitable between soul mates.

It's basically a paranormal love story between two warriors. He's really young (although he's actually a reincarnation of a very old vampire warrior, but he doesn't know that), and she's like 300 years older than him. In this book, she's been raped and abused by a guy who also used to bully him. She escapes, but he saves her life. She's hungry for revenge and wants to die after achieving that goal, but of course eventually changes her mind. In the end he actually serves her rapist to her on a silver platter so that she can kill him (sound like anyone we know?). He literally holds the guy down while she kills him.

They're my ultimate favorite ship in this series, and IMO their relationship eventually develops into one of the strongest ones. This series is a bit of a hit-or-miss for most people, because the language and the writing style are pretty ridiculous in all seriousness. If you decide to read this, I recommend starting the series from the beginning because John and Xhex meet for the first time several books before this one, LOL.

Here are some of the quotes that make me think of Nick and June:

“Besides, the story of the two of them was written in the language of collision; they were ever crashing into each other and ricocheting away—only to find themselves pulled back into another impact.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

“As his ears rang and his heart broke for her, he stayed strong against the gale force she let loose. After all, there was a reason why here and hear were seperated by so little and sounded one like the other. Bearing witness to her, he heard her and was there for her because that was all you could do during a fall apart. But God, it pained him to see how she suffered.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

“...the only thing that had tethered her to the earth had been him and it was strange, but she felt welded to him on some core level now. He had seen her at her absolute worst, at her weakest and most insane, and he hadn't looked away. He hadn't judged and he hadn't been burned. It was as if in the heat of her meltdown they had melted together. This was more than emotion. It was a matter of soul.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

The Wrath and the Dawn duology by Renée Ahdieh

Summary:

One Life to One Dawn. In a land ruled by a murderous boy-king, each dawn brings heartache to a new family. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, is a monster. Each night he takes a new bride only to have a silk cord wrapped around her throat come morning. When sixteen-year-old Shahrzad's dearest friend falls victim to Khalid, Shahrzad vows vengeance and volunteers to be his next bride. Shahrzad is determined not only to stay alive, but to end the caliph's reign of terror once and for all. Night after night, Shahrzad beguiles Khalid, weaving stories that enchant, ensuring her survival, though she knows each dawn could be her last. But something she never expected begins to happen: Khalid is nothing like what she'd imagined him to be. This monster is a boy with a tormented heart. Incredibly, Shahrzad finds herself falling in love. How is this possible? It's an unforgivable betrayal. Still, Shahrzad has come to understand all is not as it seems in this palace of marble and stone. She resolves to uncover whatever secrets lurk and, despite her love, be ready to take Khalid's life as retribution for the many lives he's stolen. Can their love survive this world of stories and secrets?

This is a young adult fantasy romance, and basically, Khalid is a lot like Nick. He’s made mistakes that he needs to own, but at the same time he’s forced to commit atrocities he doesn’t want to do. He hates himself and doesn’t believe himself to be worthy of love, and yet he falls in love with Shazi. He's viewed as the villain of the story by everyone aside from Shazi and a few other characters until almost the end of the 2nd book.

“I love you, a thousand times over. And I will never apologize for it.”

―Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“It’s a fitting punishment for a monster. to want something so much—to hold it in your arms — and know beyond a doubt you will never deserve it.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“When I was a boy, my mother would tell me that one of the best things in life is the knowledge that our story isn't over yet. Our story may have come to a close, but your story is still yet to be told.

Make it a story worthy of you”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“In that moment of perfect balance, she understood. This peace? These worries silenced without effort? It was because they were two parts of a whole. He did not belong to her. And she did not belong to him. It was never about belonging to someone. It was about belonging together.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Rose & the Dagger

“A boy who'd thrived in the shadows.

Now he had to live in the light.

To live . . . fiercely.

To fight for every breath.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Rose & the Dagger

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

Summaries:

Book 1

Feyre's survival rests upon her ability to hunt and kill – the forest where she lives is a cold, bleak place in the long winter months. So when she spots a deer in the forest being pursued by a wolf, she cannot resist fighting it for the flesh. But to do so, she must kill the predator and killing something so precious comes at a price ... Dragged to a magical kingdom for the murder of a faerie, Feyre discovers that her captor, his face obscured by a jewelled mask, is hiding far more than his piercing green eyes would suggest. Feyre's presence at the court is closely guarded, and as she begins to learn why, her feelings for him turn from hostility to passion and the faerie lands become an even more dangerous place. Feyre must fight to break an ancient curse, or she will lose him forever.

Book 2

Feyre survived Amarantha's clutches to return to the Spring Court—but at a steep cost. Though she now has the powers of the High Fae, her heart remains human, and it can't forget the terrible deeds she performed to save Tamlin's people. Nor has Feyre forgotten her bargain with Rhysand, High Lord of the feared Night Court. As Feyre navigates its dark web of politics, passion, and dazzling power, a greater evil looms—and she might be key to stopping it. But only if she can harness her harrowing gifts, heal her fractured soul, and decide how she wishes to shape her future—and the future of a world cleaved in two. With more than a million copies sold of her beloved Throne of Glass series, Sarah J. Maas's masterful storytelling brings this second book in her seductive and action-packed series to new heights.

Fantasy romance with explicit sex scenes, and book 2 is a lot better than book 1. Our main character Feyre falls for a really boring fae guy, but also meets the hottest guy she’s ever known. The first guy of course isn't the real love interest (this is a twist this author loves to do). They all end up as prisoners, and the 2nd guy saves her life when the 1st one is totally useless. He also makes her hate him as he does it because he has to. After getting out, she tries to make her old relationship work, but it doesn’t, and guess who swoops in?

I do see some Nick in Rhysand (in addition to his role in the love triangle). They’re both traumatized and prefer to keep a lot of their feelings to themselves. I also see some of the same selflessness in both of them. Rhysand wants Feyre to choose him because she loves him, but he’s willing to accept that she may not, and doesn’t tell her that they’re pretty much destined to be together (it’s a supernatural thing, and he will suffer a lot if she decides she doesn’t want him).

“Everything I love has always had a tendency to be taken from me.”

―Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“It took me a long while to realize that Rhysand, whether he knew it or not, had effectively kept me from shattering completely.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“Regardless of his motives or his methods, Rhysand was keeping me alive. And had done so even before I set foot Under the Mountain.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“Because," he went on, his eyes locked with mine, "I didn't want you to fight alone. Or die alone."

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“He thinks he'll be remembered as the villain in the story. But I forgot to tell him that the villain is usually the person who locks up the maiden and throws away the key. He was the one who let me out.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

“And I wondered if love was too weak a word for what he felt, what he’d done for me. For what I felt for him.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

“I was his and he was mine, and we were the beginning and middle and end. We were a song that had been sung from the very first ember of light in the world.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

[fenristheorem]

Hi! First of all... You are a LEGEND🤩! Your head cons are sooooooo good. When I read theme I really get into the story and can feel the emotion you put on the characters, 💖its amazing! Not that long ago you did a head con of Erika being ok with Leiftan being a Demon. So I was wondering... Could you do a head con of Lance accepting to take Erika with him, were she becomes a demon and enters the plot with Lance against the guard🤔? It would be very interesting to se that.😊 Hope u have a good day, evening or night!

Oh thank you so much! 😄 That’s so kind of you to say, I don’t think you truly know how much I value your compliment! You’re so kind! 😊

I originally considered nearly completely re-writing the plot from episode 15 (I believe that’s when she asks him to take her) for this ask, but then realized I would be re-writing half the plot of Origins lol. That would take way too long to write (while including different emotions and perspectives and requiring knowledge that’s too hard to hunt down or doesn’t exist) so I decided to write this with a very broad spectrum of headcanons, including some major alternative events (usually not including the guard since she’ll be holed up in a secret place so Lance doesn’t need to watch out for her every second of every day) and Lance and Guardienne’s overall compatibility.

This is probably my most bizarre ask yet, in the manner of how I’ve responded, so brace yourself because there’s a few crazy moments in this lol. Also, there’s a bit of swearing in this - I have a tendency to write stories / headcanons in a pretty crude style sometimes.

~Under the cut~

Guardienne joins Lance against the guard:

To start off with, when Guardienne asked Lance to take her with him, she didn’t know his identity. He was still Ashkore to her. That changed somewhat quickly.

I theorize Lance did actually have some sort of “home base” deep within a forest or the mountains somewhat near the guard. He did have to sleep and eat after all. And where do you think he was taking all those supplies on the night Guardienne asked him to take her with him? Where do you think he stored that frying pan so dear to him? Buried it in the ground? Hung it on a tree branch for a Sabali to find later? Sure, he moved around a lot, but he had to keep his stolen resources somewhere, so he must have had a main cabin or cave or something that no one knew about that he made a temporary home of sorts.

Assuming that; that’s probably where he kept Guardienne most of the time after she came with him. Of course, he would be sure to restrict her movements for a while - after all, she could have asked to come merely to find out what a day in the life of Ashkore is like and then tell that to the guard - but once he realizes that she truly was compliant and happy to be there, even helping him by providing information he didn’t know already and taking care of basic chores like cooking and such so he can spend more time screwing with the guard, he loosened up and let her roam around his domain.

He kept personal things well hidden; any old drawings, weapons, and clothing. Basically anything he didn’t want her to touch... which was most of his stuff... but he was reasonable and didn’t restrain her too much. Just as long as she didn’t bother him and continued to help he didn’t mind her presence... too much anyways.

But again, it wasn’t too long before Guardienne found out his true identity. In reference to the existing plot-line, I imagine her finding out his identity in this AU long before she found out in the existing plot-line. After all - they’re living together now, and he needs to take off his mask and armor sometimes. Do you think he always sleeps in his mask? And armor for that case? What about when he eats or bathes? Certainly he can do most of those things in private, but I don’t see Lance demanding she turn her back every time he removes his mask and armor. I can see him doing that to begin with - when she’s restricted - but once he realizes she truly wants to help, he’ll find it to be inconvenient to always hide himself whenever he wants to do anything without his mask and armor. He’ll probably still want her to call him Ashkore, though... and that’ll be the case until she realizes his identity and refuses to call him anything but Lance.

Now I forget if she knew about Lance’s existence at the time of asking to leave with him (I believe she did), but since she never got a description I imagine it would take her a small while to connect the dots once she's living with him. She would certainly have theories that Ashkore is Lance, and she would certainly irritate the utter crap out of him with countless questions regarding possible confirmation or hints to back up her theory, but she wouldn’t get many answers. Either he would ignore her, or turn to level his icy stare on her. She would quickly understand that he’s not interested in answering questions about his identity and past. He eventually threatened to cut her tongue out a few times if she kept asking nonsensical questions, but she didn't seem to care much and he eventually let it be; perhaps he realized that she would be even more irritating then. She wouldn't be able to speak easily without her tongue, but her resolve is steady, so she'd still try to find some way to speak with him - and then he'd still need to deal with her questions in whatever way she deemed fit, which included investing time to learn this new way of communication. Threatening her friends wouldn't work as she doesn't consider the guard her friends, so Lance came to recognize that's it better to just deal with her questions and ignore her.

However, he would answer general questions that couldn’t be used heavily against him if she were captured and questioned; why is he trying to destroy the crystal, what’s with his grudge against Eldarya, what does he know about the Blue Sacrifice? From his answers she can put a few logical pieces together. The Eldaryans don’t deserve to live? They’re disrespecting the kind gift of life the dragons gave them? They were apparently forced to sacrifice? Then hunted down after the sacrifice despite their generous gesture? Well he must be a dragon, since angels didn’t end up sacrificing and he speaks so passionately about them. And Valk said he was faelien, so either he lied and does know or Ashkore (being Lance in her theory) somehow found out their genetics while Valk remained clueless to it. And they look so similar, they would have to be brothers. Ashkore’s story started around the same time that Lance apparently died? Lance apparently fought valiantly and passionately for the things he believed in, like what she’s seen with Ashkore? Goodness are the pieces adding up now.

Guardienne would eventually approach him about her theory and he would respond with a cold hiss.

“What, you want a reward? A pat on the back and a ‘well done’? Why does my identity matter to you?”

He never said a direct yes - he was basically incapable of responding calmly or reasonably with touchy subjects - but she would know she has it right. 

You would think them being on different sides of the war would mean they’d be more likely to try and kill each other, right? Wrong. Them being around each other all the time, I believe, leads them to be more likely to kill each other. Why? Recall episode 26 - their overall chemistry. Regardless of if choices made increased the LOM or decreased it, bizarre, entertaining conversation between the two still ensued. The main thing with that episode was that Lance became emotionally vulnerable as time went on, so actual tender...-ish moments came about where both of them were taken seriously but gently. Now imagine both of them - neither of them in vulnerable moments - being around the other constantly, both working together but still stepping on each other’s toes. Guardienne wants to make a meal; where’s this ingredient? What’s the ingredient compatibility? What do these things taste like? That’s not a food, that’s an alchemy ingredient? AND WHERE IS THE GODDAMN FRYING PAN!? (*cue Lance in the background clutching the pan and hissing at Guardienne*). Now Lance - who’s holed himself up in a private room - needs to plan his next attack on the guard; he needs this map of the layout, and this item to help him plan. He can use this pathway to- “Hey Lance?” ... Silence - if he pretends he’s not in there she’ll surely leave... Anyways, this pathway will probably be the safest, and his destination is there. Leiftan can- “Lance, I know you’re there, don’t ignore me!” ... Leiftan can- “Where’s the corn!?” Oh by the Oracle! But what the hell is corn? He’ll go to the door and crack it open only enough to give her an odd look. “Small, yellow, hard grain but smooth? About the size of a fingernail?” ... “Back right, lower pantry.” He’ll slam the door and hover over the map again. Ok, Leiftan... yes, that’s what he was going to do. Then he’ll have access to- “Oh - where’s the big pot?” *SLAM* Pain will shoot up his arm from his fist as the table shakes and he turns his head to seethe at the woman through the door. “You’ve lived here for weeks, you know where it is!” “Well you seem to have an obsession with hiding things, so actually I don’t because everything is always moved around!” He’ll rush to the door and fling it open to glare down at her. The door and it’s frame creak unsteadily at his tight grip as he looms over her. “Find. It. Yourself.”  He’ll go to recede back into the room but she’ll grab his shirt and pull him into the room she’s in - he’ll snarl at her in response. “I’ve tried looking for it, it’s impossible to find.” She’ll hiss back at him with folded arms. “I’m busy planning.” He growls at her. “Well take a break then.” She snaps as they stare each other down... Silence again... “You make me want to kill myself.” “Don’t. You need to destroy the guard first.” He throws his hand back towards the door he was stolen from with a wild look in his scathing eyes; what did she think he was planning for in there!? “You gonna help me or what?” She speaks as if this is completely alright. He nearly shouts in rage as he slams his fist against the wall - pain shooting up his arm a second time - before pacing and clutching his head, eventually resigning to stomping towards the makeshift kitchen - not caring about whether she follows - and tearing through his stores to find the pot. He’ll throw it on the counter and cast a livid glare at her as he passes to head back to planning. “Well goodness, you didn’t need to throw a tantrum over it.” He whirls around and nearly leaps on her - she’s helping to destroy the crystal, she’s helping to destroy the crystal, she’s helping to destroy the crystal, WHY DOES A POT MATTER RIGHT NOW!?

So yes, they’re more likely to attempt to kill each other when on the same side; only because they’re alone and around each other more so they can chew on each other's nerves more.

However, as time carries on and they spend more time together, they actually begin to... enjoy each other's presence sometimes - not even sometimes; a good portion of the time. Sure they have moments where they argue and are a breath away from stabbing each other, but there are also moments where they aren’t treading on the other, by accident or purposeful. In these moments, they see a different side of each other - a good side of each other.

Guardienne quickly picks up on how passionate, resolute, and intelligent Lance is, noting that he’ll spend hours on end studying texts he’s found and maps of the areas the guard will be around next. He’ll carry these texts and maps around with him as he ghosts around their make-shift home, spending most of his days off curled up next to a small indoor fireplace and moving only for a few moments to take a quick break. Ironically, Guardienne leaves him alone to study more when he studies within her presence rather than when he locks himself alone in a separate area for hours, so in time Lance realizes he’s less likely to be interrupted if he studies in their living room/common area. As he begins to study more within her sight, Guardienne begins to see what he studies - and many of those things provide great insight for her regarding knowing Lance better. These things can range from different languages, histories and cultures, maps, geography, alchemy, mission reports (stolen from the guard of course) and even a few books touching on warfare, philosophy and psychology - what little of those latter texts exists in their world, at least. Guardienne begins to realize that, while Lance is very set on destroying the guard and the crystal, he’s also much more than just a man who wishes to exact revenge. He studies these texts to learn how to use it to his advantage, sure, but he also seems to have a genuine interest in these subjects. She even interrupted him one day - finding that he was oddly patient with answering this specific question - to ask if he perhaps ever grows bored of learning about these things, stressing that it’s a good idea to take a break from working constantly all the time - only for him to respond that he doesn’t view all of it as work. Some subjects he’s less interested in but are necessary to know for his agenda of revenge, but in the case where he’s feeling drained from that he’ll turn to reading another subject that he’s more interested in and go back to it later. She sometimes resigns to observing him as he studies - and she knows that Lance knows she watches him by the way his gaze will flick over to her every once and a while - but eventually she’ll begin to ask exactly what’s written in the books or what he’s thinking regarding the maps, asking to try to get to know his thought process better or just having nothing better to do at the moment. This is how Guardienne learns to grow closer to him; he doesn’t snap at her half as much when he explains what he’s studying, and he explains things in such a way that she doesn’t need to interrupt him to ask him to explain it better. In turn, she also begins to learn a bit about what he’s studying and can provide a bit of her own interesting input. Occasionally they debate these topics with one another, and Lance is actually very temperate when debating these things - he can speak in beautiful, grand tones about certain subjects, clearly showing just how much he’s interested in it. His eyes will glow with a warmth and passion that seems to dull even the indoor fire that burns with an eternal energy. These moments of enthusiasm actually entertain her greatly, and she begins to realize that she truly enjoys being around him in these moments. However, this also leads to minor conversations about his past, usually sparked from conversing about past experiences in these fields, and Guardienne witnesses firsthand the icing over of his personality from the reminder of his past. She’ll mention anything about his past; the village he lived in, his brother, his time in the guard, any memories he has, and the lively shimmer in his eyes will dull. His shoulders will drop and gaze will be cast to the floor as he bows his head slightly, a weight seeming to settle on him as he stares into a void for just a few mere moments. Then his facial features will harden, a stone cold look will invade his eyes and he’ll straighten again despite the clear effort it takes for him to stand tall. His formerly lively, sonorous tone will harden into cold, scathing words that are nearly spat out as he closes himself off, snapping and growling at her if she attempts to connect with him again. It’s from these continuous experiences that she recognizes something important; he's not truly as evil as he seems - he's wounded and aches for his reality to not be what it is now, and he seeks every day to ease that torturous pain, believing that that pain can only be eased by hurting others, by showing them just how much he’s hurt from his knowledge. Nobody is born evil, she realizes - he’s cruel only because he feels this is the only way he can deal with the pain of reality.

In turn, she tries her best to be understanding and comforting when she can. She understands, in some ways, his pain of knowing about the guard and sacrifice - she’s against the guard as well for her own reasons not too different than his - and seeing just how much Lance has broken because of the guard - just like her - only makes her want to burn it to the ground more. Lance notices this in time; where she once always pushed him to tell her more about his past and identity and reasoning, she’s now willing to drop the subject for a while or ask in a manner that’s more... considerate or empathetic. She begins to overlook his snapping and huffing at her, and instead focuses more on what he says and his reaction to those words instead of his irritation at her persistence. As Guardienne comes to understand Lance more, she realizes that he actually enjoys her company as well, even if he won’t admit it. He’ll jump at the chance to explain and debate his studies with her, and when she backs off of a sensitive topic she accidentally tread on for a while, he’ll be more temperate if she returns in a few hours and touches at the topic again, provided she approaches it in a neutral, tactful way. After all, the topic she wishes to speak about is a reminder of or is the exact reason he went from honorable and righteous to cruel and destructive - in his perception, if she doesn’t know how to approach it in a cautious, gentle manner then she doesn’t deserve to know exactly what happened and why it bothers him so much. However, she does learn this in in time, and he eventually allows her to listen to his most personal thoughts on... well, nearly everything. As they grow to understand each other better, she begins to provide a bit of support for him. He’s been alone for so long that sometimes he wonders if he’s truly losing his mind, but her presence reminds him that he’s not as lost as he thinks sometimes. Guardienne becomes a grounding force for him. She willingly - happily - listens to his rants and stories of his past if he agrees to talk about it, even if he’s fuming and raging the whole time, and eventually she can actually calm him down a bit. As much as he wishes to maintain a distance between them, in time he can’t help but grow a bit protective over her for personal reasons; her perspectives agree with his, she readily and willingly - even humorously, sometimes - puts up with his temperamental outbursts, eagerly speaks with him about basically anything, and wants to do something about what she feels is right or wrong. He refuses to fully acknowledge the hold she has on him - he’s not supposed to be attached to anyone in any way if his mission is to succeed- but when he stares at her as she nestles next to a stream, eyes bright and curious with innocence as she watches shimmering native fish glide by and turns to him to ask why they’re swimming up-stream instead of down, he can’t help but forget his past and feel normal with her.

She’ll eventually be made aware of Leiftan and Chrome as well. Not at first, but when Lance drags her half-way across Eldarya with him because he needs to fuck with the guard in foreign lands she’ll be dragged into their late-night-hang-out-meetings.

Leiftan quickly takes to her, Lance notices, and this is also how - in this version of the story - Guardienne finds out about her genetics. They need her strength in the war, so Leiftan will enlighten her and encourage her to train her abilities, even helping her in the few moments he can.

Lance quickly snaps at him, making sure he knows he can’t jeopardize his fake role within the guard to train her late in the night. He comes up with all sorts of excuses and aggressively reminds Leif that he can’t spend too much time around her. She’s supposed to not exist anymore and Leiftan needs to pretend like nothing is going on.

Really, though, Lance is just feeling threatened. He doesn’t want his personal source of information, good food, and entertainment to be wooed and stolen away. Good luck getting him to admit that, though.

Lance believes she’s safest with him; he’s the one outside the guard and his location and activities are unknown most of the time. All he needs to do is keep her veiled in that shroud of mysterious unknown to the guard and she’ll be impossible to find. Of course, she won’t want to just sit around forever. She’ll eventually want to be more proactive in helping him destroy the guard, and he’ll argue it at first until she becomes just so annoying that he can’t possibly stand it anymore! It’s either she helps or he kills her because she won’t shut up, so he trains her; hard and brutally. He’ll train her in how to master her demon abilities, how to gain the upper hand in any fight with any enemy, the most lethal points of different creatures, the most lethal tactics she could use, how to improve her strength, stamina, speed and stealth. He was once Chief of the Obsidian Guard; he knows how to turn a weak, scraggly runt into a masterful, fearsome warrior. When he finally sees fit, he’ll gift her with personalized equipment - bought or made specifically by him - so she can slink around the guard late at night with him. Of course, he’ll demand that she call him Ashkore on premises - or anywhere except home, really - but she’ll follow his lead in that case; she knows how important it is to remain unknown.

So how exactly do these restock or attack missions go? Well, she’s usually brought along for restock missions - where no one is supposed to know they were there in the first place - in which case her role is to stay quiet and help him throw stuff into the bag. She’ll typically be left to carrying the bags unless there’s one that’s too heavy for her to remain quiet - he’ll take the heavier bags. Lance will usually be busy designing their path out and planning their timing correctly while she focuses on following him. He doesn’t really take her on attack missions, though. He wants her to remain unknown. If a feminine figure is suddenly working with him not too long after Guardienne’s disappearance, especially since it was clear there was a rift between her and the guard, then suspicions will rise, and unfortunately those questions could then begin trace further back to reflect on Lance’s death and Ashkore’s appearance due to the similar time-frame of events. Basically, their stories and disappearance/death to villain appearance time-frame would begin to mirror each other. If she was to remain unknown then she can’t directly fight the guard, so no attack missions for her. However, Lance isn’t against turning a restock mission into a restock-attack mission if he sees the chance - he’ll just make sure she’s basically safe the rest of the way back home before enacting on it, even going as far as retracing his steps back to the guard to cause trouble.

In the original plot-line, it seems that most of the time when Lance, Leiftan and Guardienne are fighting each other it’s due mainly to the fact that Leiftan abandons the plans against the guard because he's in love with Guardienne, Lance wants Leiftan to continue against the guard, and then he realizes he needs Guardienne out of the picture so Leiftan forgets about her and so he can gain some other information he needs/use her as leverage against the guard. Since in this AU, she's happily on their side (so Leiftan isn't abandoning his plans against the guard and Lance has all access to her power/information) I can see a bit less of a rift among their team as their plans harmonize together. Instead of Leiftan and Lance fighting, Lance kidnapping Guardienne, Lance becoming reckless by putting off breaking the crystal, and many other things happening caused by the rift between them, they’d most likely collaborate and work together better, and they’d be more coordinated in attacks and better at getting to the crystal. Of course, it’s possible that Leiftan may have wanted Eldarya to be saved at some point so he could spend his life with Guardienne, but seeing how Leiftan would do nearly anything for her throughout the original plot-line, I wouldn’t be surprised if he continued his efforts against the guard knowing that she’d want him to in this AU. It would also help knowing that the guard hurt her many times in many ways, so he’d be seeking revenge for that as well.

Dragging Guardienne around Eldarya with Lance, however, has risks and consequences that could come down on top of them if not careful. One such issue is the fact that, while Lance is very good at evading the guard, occasionally he’s caught and is sent on a wild-goose chase trying to flee from them. This occasionally can put Guardienne at risk of being found out, as she’s nearly always close to him, but Lance has considered this possibility a long time ago and has already devised a plan during these times to avoid from any heavy repercussions falling back on them. He’s just fine with fleeing with her - he knows how to keep her out of sight and her equipment is lightweight enough so that she has no trouble moving swiftly and flexibly if needed - but he’s realized that it may not be the smartest idea to have her fleeing with him while clearly seeming to be working with him. Instead, Lance realized, it would be a good idea for her to act as though she’s a hostage if she’s about to be revealed. That way, if she’s captured at any point in the future, she can play the innocent victim who knows nothing, and the guard - while persistent in finding out anything she may know, no matter how little the information may be- certainly won’t hurt their precious Guardienne who has already been through so much while in the clutches of the evil Ashkore. If she’s seen as a hostage, she can use excuses like “I’m sorry, it just so hard to talk about so soon... can we continue this later”, “I honestly don’t remember much, I was so busy focusing on a possible way of escaping that I didn’t pay much attention to that detail”, and “He kept me locked away in a certain area, I don’t know if there were any landmarks around that could point to his location” to deter their questioning and buy time before she needs to reveal anything actually important, else she look like she’s protecting him. Acting as a hostage will also assure that she won’t be thrown in the prison and guarded the whole time; so being free to roam around the guard while buying time to keep important information a secret will allow Lance the time to plan a rescue mission - disguised as another easy kidnapping since she won’t be guarded - to return her to their side. This is merely a backup plan if they know she’ll likely be captured at some point, and it will only work if the guard is unaware of a female figure helping him out, but provided that everything goes smoothly it should be a solid plan with little negative effects. However, this can’t happen more than once or twice; the first time will be easily accepted by the guard, the second time she plays the innocent, panicking fool she’ll be walking the line between seeming suspicious or if she’s truly that foolish, and for her sake the second time she will need to reveal some important information. A third time and the guard would know that something is up.

These hostage situations can get quite amusing for Guardienne - despite how fragile the situation is - and, frankly, Lance would snap at her every time she snickers about this, except he finds these situations absolutely hilarious as well. They’ll be running around Eldarya, the guard occasionally cornering them before they flee, and Guardienne will do her best to attack Lance in ways that are weak enough to not actually effect anything, but are strong enough to make it look like she’s truly trying to escape. Is the guard within ear-shot and they know they’ll be found out eventually? Great, Lance has an escape plan to get out of there already, so Guardienne can throw a screeching hissy-fit at him to make it seem like she’s trying to escape. Sometimes this can aid them as well, as they can set up a maze that the guard will certainly come running through to find Guardienne, following the sound of her struggle, only to then be trapped somewhere because Lance has traps set up that Guardienne certainly couldn’t have known about since she’s a hostage. Other times she’ll do her best to attack Lance - but let’s face it, even if he did train her she would still have a hard time bringing him down if their fight was serious - and he’ll quickly disarm her in front of the guard before finding a way to gain distance from them again. This is all just to reconfirm the illusion that she’s a hostage to the guard, and of course they panic every time and believe it, but it’s knowing that they’re running circles around the guard - bringing them here and having her bait them to this location so Lance can attack them, or leading them to discover a certain fact at some point so they think they have a useful piece of information on Lance when in fact Lance is using that to draw them out in confidence so he can crush them - that they find truly amusing. The guard is being played this whole time and they keep falling for it. Even Lance can’t help but laugh at a few moments of running the guard around with Guardienne later, when they’re no longer in danger.

Of course, this all leads up to the grand finale; the final shattering of the crystal. I imagine this happening much sooner than in the original plot-line because Guardienne isn’t a hindering factor anymore, and I can see it happening with much more ease than how it originally played out. Perhaps they’ll lure the important members of the guard to another land - letting them think that they’ve caught Guardienne’s trail over there - and launch their final attack when no one who can stop them is around. They might decide to fuck with the guard one last time, running them around within the guard while Lance infiltrates the crystal room. Perhaps they decide to go out with a bang and capture the important members of the guard, binding them and closing off the crystal room so they can reveal their identities and the guard can watch as the people that were once held dear to them destroy their world while they’re helpless to do anything. It doesn’t matter much how it happens, though, at this point - with an angered dragon and two powerful demons - there’s nothing that the guard can do to stop them. In some ways it will hurt, knowing that this is the end of their beautiful story of revenge, but - no matter what happens after this - they’ll know they succeeded, and that will be the last truth Eldarya will ever know.

I think this may be one of the longer headcanons that I’ve written so far, and I’m very pleased with how it turned out! Also, Tumblr ate this ask while it was a draft once or twice (it was in the 3-draft radius of asks that were at risk of being eaten so it disappeared a few times) so it did take a bit longer to write than I’d hoped, but fortunately no progress had been deleted so I’m just fine with that.

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[its-chelisey-stuff]

Word of Honor eps 21-30 (thoughts)

So, instead of doing a general opinion (that is sure to get messy because my brain is trying to keep up with so many things these days lol) I decided to write down just a few thoughts on each ep. It worked great to remind me what had happened in these past 10 eps. Enjoy my random thoughts!

Ep 21: YeBaiYi is off to fetch someone who can save ZZS. The family has reunited!!! Also, poor WKX he seems very torn but also doesn't exactly know what's up? Scorpion King is trying something but I don't get it. Also, poor beauty Ghost.

Ep 22: well that should be illegal, it was so painful to see WKX that tortured. Dude practically had an attack because his past is so damn traumatic. btw ZZS must know WKX is the Ghost Valley leader, right? Also, that beggar was totally going to kill someone, he had a knife, so back off, CWN. I like you a lot but not at the expense of my badass A-Xiang. i appreciated the abs 😏🤤

Ep 23: WKX is a cranky bish after waking up from trauma induced faintness lol but ZZS can calm him down in a second. Also, he totally knows WKX is ghost valley leader, which had to be obvious but I still wonder what gave him away. Awww A-Xiang being worried of not being worthy for CWN broke my heart. You're the best and a badass my girl. We had father in law WKX and it was the best. Also, ZZS losing his senses is so tragic. Why was this ep so sad?

Ep 24: Such a bittersweet ep. If there's no WKX trauma time, it's ZZS's instead. Also, gay domestic life is the best kind of fluff I can ask for. Just say yes, WKX and be the master of Four Seasons alongside your soulmate. Also, what is truly the origin of ZZS? He has noble blood? Who is he? In the novel it was never clear to me, but I'm expecting some answers here.

Ep 25: WKX'S angsty monologue in front of his once upon a time Master’s grave will live in my mind rent free from now on. Finally we know how WKX figured out who ZZS was, but I still don't get how/why WKX and his family were left behind in Four Seasons, I mean I guess it’s because they thought they were already safe. I can't believe everyone and their mothers know that WKX is the leader of Ghost Valley. I don't think I like this change from the novel 🤭 it was such a powerful reveal because no one had any idea. Now all of China knows lol

Ep 26: Wow Zhao Jing is such a sick bastard, but what's new? His scenes with Scorpion King were creepy ans sick lol i kinda pity him. Awww WKX you really have no plans for this, do you? He is taking such care to do everything quietly so ZZS and Chengling don't find out and ZZS is worried for him because he knows everything. Such fools in love. When it's Lord Seventh coming??

Ep 27: Omggg this episode was a delight to see for my shipper heart, if only everything could end here, AhXiang and CWN happy in his sect, OTP and their son in Four Seasons and just forget about all the chaos outside in the world. But no, drama is coming and ZZS still has to be cured. Also, Scorpion my man, wake the hell up, that evil old bastard is manipulating you and you're just letting him ugh

Ep 28: Finally the Prince appears and lol it looks Like Zhao Jing is going nuts, it was hilarious to see the ruckus he made in front of the memorial of all his dead friends. I wonder if this means he still has some conscience...I laughed so many times this ep because of the contrast between the evil dudes and their conspiracies to get the Glazed armour vs the domestic fluff of the two gay dads and their adoptive child celebrating the new year hahaha

Ep 29: Ooofff what an episode! I loved it! So many things happened! Poor WKX being so tortured and guilty for the the death of Han Ying, it was so sad but tragedy didn't stop there, since they took ZZS away. Finally Lord Seventh and his wizard bf made it lol just in time to knock out WKX who was having an ep of madness, though I'm sure he will still be angry when he wakes up and will try to kill Zhao Jing again (one can only hope). I can't believe CWN found out about WKX being the Ghost Master that way, but it speaks volumes of his feelings for AhXiang that he didn't reveal her identity in that moment.

Ep 30: What a disgusting piece of shit is the Prince, it unsettled me so much that he kidnapped ZZS and dressed him up like his plaything and then threw around the "I thought we were soulmates" argument. Eww. no, sir, please go away. At least it looks like ZZS got a little revenge against him. Not enough of WKX this ep, but I hope next is better on that department along with Lord Seventh and his wizard bf. I'm happy A-Xiang and CWN moved past the whole revelation of her identity, their love is so pure. Also, Scorpion my dude, rebel and kill your sugar daddy he's goddamn awful.

I liked that the focus of these ten eps (concerning our two male leads' portion of the story) was on their pasts, who they were before meeting each other and their regrets and traumas about it, but also, that they became close by being honest and vulnerable with each other, and now they practically have no secrets between the two of them (or do they? Looking at ya, WKX). Seeing their tranquil and sweet domestic life with their adopted son at the Four Seasons was a delight (it was also one of my favorite bits to read in the novel and I'm so glad they kept it for the drama a pity they couldn't include the hugs and cuddles on the bed at midnight but in my mind they happened) but all good things must come to an end someday and I guess that, given that the whole martial arts world is looking for WKX and that ZZS could only get so far before the crazy Prince found him (on top of him slowly dying by the nails) it was only a matter of time before things escalated and got to where they are. Now we have to believe love conquers all hahaha and I cannot wait to see WKX rescuing his husband in all his dark ala Master of the Ghost Valley gloriousness!

I would love to write an essay on A-Xiang and CWN love story and how pure and true their bond is, but because I know their ending that would only mean torture for me, so I will only say that I'm so glad that they're together and able to talk to each other and clear misunderstandings. Communication is key for any healthy and long lasting relationship.

Drama plot was always a bit different from novel plot, but at this point in the drama they're telling a completely different story so I have no idea what's next (well, I do, I know spoilers but I also need the context) but I'm excited nonetheless. I would say though I have no idea who really has the glazed armour and who has fake pieces, damn you Wen KeXing lol I'm just so confused but it doesn't really matter because as long as they don't have the key, it's all useless. And I do know who has the key and where it's gonna end up (or with whom 😏 hahaha). I'm actually a bit sad that I know that spoiler, could have been great to be surprised as I watched the drama but that's on me lol

Because I've been following the drama on Youku's youtube channel, this experience has been longer for me than it was for lots of others, and I liked that but because of it the withdrawal syndrome will hit me a lot harder. Ugh and I'm not looking forward to it.

Last six eps, here we go!

[wedreamedlove]

Xu Mo and Loneliness [Character Study]

Surprise! It's essay time again ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ! Disclaimer: I use CN translations because Elex...

One (of the many) things I love about Xu Mo's character is his juxtapositions [Character Study]. He is one of the loneliest men in the world due to his archetype and nature [Into Your World] but also the most susceptible to loneliness.

Throughout the game, he's dropped hints about his fear of being left behind:

"... But the sensitive artist was also afraid the butterfly would one day grow tired of being beside him, and so he thought about catching the butterfly and putting it in a glass jar. Like this, the butterfly would never be able to leave him." [Drowning in Love SSR - Artist and Butterfly Call]

"... But if I really did encounter the one and only color in my life, then I certainly wouldn't let them go." [Drowning in Love SSR - The Only Color Call]

"... No matter what the truth may be, I'll always be with you. Until the very moment it arrives... I just hope that, at that time, you won't want to push me away." [CH12 - Truth and False Call]

MC: Don't worry, I'll be alright on my own. Xu Mo: But I'm not alright alone. [CH13.4]

But, at the same time, he's accepted the adage that "'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all":

"The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat." [CH9.14]

Just to expand on this for those who are unfamiliar with The Little Prince story, when the Little Prince is going to leave the fox, the fox says that it is going to cry. The Little Prince feels that his taming of the fox has done it no good at all, because now it's hurt, but the fox denies this because now it has the color of the wheat fields.

"Since she was willing to gently embrace all that he was, then why not accept this pain in his heart that was caused by her alone." [Overseas Date]

"Forget it, he'll just be foolish once more with this foolish girl." [True Love Date]

One other aspect of his juxtapositions is how his wants and needs are in conflict and I think people are naturally picking up on this, which is why he's viewed as having a really intense relationship with the MC.

I'm just going to define my words in this context to make things clearer but a "want" is your desire in life, while a "need" is your raison d'etre, essentially your reason for living and your goal in life. It's not necessary for all stories or characters to have this, but they're certainly more captivating with this. (As an aside, Zhou Qiluo has this going for him too while Li Zeyan and Bai Qi do not... and maybe why Bai Qi keeps getting hit with the vanilla and boring label LOL).

So, what does Xu Mo want? To love the MC and, as a byproduct, never be alone again. What does he need? The continuing survival (and evolution) of humankind, even if that means walking a path that will leave people behind him and end with him being alone.

This internal conflict is something we see again and again in the game:

[CH13] He reveals his identity to her as Ares, but lets her go. He even sacrifices his eye and the ability to see her color.

[CH16] They're "enemies" and they draw a clear line between them at the news conference, but he then saves her and returns her home. He sacrifices their experience together in the dream world and his answer to her question about whether or not he'd even offer up the person important to him for his goals.

”Before I met you, I would be annoyed at the pace of the people with me. Everyone has their own destination and a person walking by themselves would be quicker. Mm, this isn't a good custom. But on my path, whenever I turn my head back, I would always find that you had already caught up to my side. This time as well. Perhaps, in this world, you're the only person who can make me unable to resist looking back. Or perhaps you're the only person who can reach my side again and again. So, in the future, I won't let go anymore. On this day, next year, you'll be at my side too.“ [2019 (2nd) Birthday Call]

Now, the entire reason I wrote up this post—LOL. I'm actually half-serious because his [Endless Path Date] is amazing in how they distilled his character to one of his core themes and represented that facet entirely in this AU date.

I'm going to be jumping around chronologically in the date to show how he was in the past, to the present before MC regained her memories, to after she regained her memories.

PAST

Xu Mo: I hope you don't regret the choice you made this day.

MC: ... I admit I hate them, but I don't wish to be the same as them because of this.

MC: I don't want to become a murderous demon.

Xu Mo seemed to be a bit surprised and then, after a few seconds, the crimson in his eyes faded and became a calm purple, scrutinizing me.

Xu Mo: A murderous demon... Do you believe that I am one as well?

His voice carried a smile, but I felt a formless pressure and sense of terror surround me and I shuddered.

MC: You aren't. You saved me.

Although the way was to turn me into a vampire... in a sense, he gave me a "new life".

Xu Mo: Save? It appears that, in your understanding, when vampires are hunting for food they are saving people.

MC: I'm just being factual. Also, the word "hunting"...

The corner of Xu Mo's lips pulled up.

Xu Mo: There's no rush. In the future, you will experience for yourself whether or not the word I used is accurate.

I was stunned and suddenly remembered the thirst towards fresh blood in that hut earlier which had dominated me.

Xu Mo seemed to have no intention of bothering himself with me again and turned around, preparing to leave.

MC: Um... please wait a moment.

He silently looked back, his expression indifferent and cold under the moonlight.

I summoned up my courage and looked straight at Xu Mo.

MC: Can... can you give me your blood?

MC: I heard that this was the only way to become a true vampire; they won't have to drink blood and they won't lose their reasoning, so...

Xu Mo: So I have to answer your request?

Xu Mo interrupted me, as if he heard something laughable.

Xu Mo: Vampires are not gods who never refuse a request. Or is it that all humans are such selfish creatures?

MC: N-not at all! In exchange, I can...

The wind blew through, rustling the leaves of the trees. Xu Mo calmly listened to my words and was silent for a long while before he lightly sighed, but it also seemed like a laugh.

Xu Mo: Alright, I agree.

Under the moonlight, the hand that was held out to me was pale and slender. I took a step forward and also stretched out my hand—

PRESENT

Xu Mo blinked, slowly without hurry, and swept his eyes over in my direction.

He saw me and didn't appear to be surprised at all; instead, it was like he knew I was there all along, witnessing everything.

His smile wasn't anything different from usual and even the way he set down his glass and held out his hand to me was like that day, two years ago.

Xu Mo: [MC], you came.

The color of crimson blurred my vision and the smell of blood was like a wave threatening to engulf me.

I felt like breathing was difficult and my legs were unsteady; I could only lean against the wall.

Xu Mo saw that I didn't move and walked directly over to me. It was as if everything around him had no effect on him and those two crimson eyes reflected only my figure.

He came to me like this, step by step, and the strange thing was... that I actually didn't feel any fear.

He raised a hand to support me and this let me see his eyes clearly. There seemed to be a faint worry in them.

FUTURE

Xu Mo: Do you remember everything?

A gentle voice landed beside my ear and, as I recalled the scenes of that night, I looked at Xu Mo and mumbled.

MC: I promised you that, no matter how long, I would always...

He blinked and those crimson eyes crumbled into purple, a faint smile appearing in them.

Xu Mo: Mm, you said you would be at my side forever.

The reason I transcribed these three scenes is because they're so good at showing his assumed indifference, to how fast he caved into the temptation of not being alone, to how he continues to hold this hope despite MC having "broken their promise", to the future where they get to walk in an endless night together forever.

IT'S SO GOOD. I'm a sucker for immortality concepts and PG nailed this vampire version so well; his ancientness in the past, the longing for companionship, and then the sharing of a life.

Anyway, I was actually going to post this essay after I read his newest Halloween card because, after seeing he was an exiled prince with Snow White themes, my guess was that it was going to have a heavy and explicit theme about loneliness again.

But I got impatient seeing as how I have to wait until the end of the event to redeem him. So, I guess I'm throwing it out there that this is my prediction??? For those who have read that date, you can tell me if I'm hot or cold LOL. I'm going to look like a fool yelling about loneliness themes if that isn't the case this time though.

MIMICRY

Semi-switching gears and bringing back my [Into Your World] post, I just want to add that in addition to being so intensely curious about the MC's world and trying to understand her, I've noticed that MC and Xu Mo share something pretty unique to them that's less obvious with the others.

This is the mimicry that they do to each other.

There's been psychological studies that looked into the social aspects of mimicry (Baaren et al 2009) and mimicry and attraction in romantic relationships (Nicolas Gueguen 2009). In short, mimicking someone appears to promote social harmony, comfort, and trust in the other person; it can also make you more attractive to them LOL.

I really don't think Xu Mo is doing this intentionally and that, instead, this supports his (alienated) scholar archetype, his hobby of people watching, and trying to understand the MC's world. The same goes for MC, she wants to understand his world and a part of that is experiencing things in his way.

The reason I believe this is less obvious (if at all apparent) with the others is because, when I compare Xu Mo's dates to Bai Qi dates, all of Bai Qi’s dates are more like experiencing activities together, which Xu Mo has as well, ex. [Winery Date], [Sunrise Date], [Hot Spring Date], etc.

But Xu Mo has dates where they specifically mimic each other, such as:

[Blossom Date] He covers her eyes, she then covers his eyes.

[Archery Date] Technically, he teaches her but after he gets bull's-eye, she copies the form he taught her and also gets bull's-eye.

[New Year's Eve] He gets taught and mimics the way she makes dumplings.

[Qixi 2018 Mini Story] He and the kids ended up copying the MC's flying fish.

[Rainy Night Date] The flashback about how she folded origami cranes and then taught him and they make strings of them.

They also—and this I swear is unique solely to Xu Mo—mimic each other's words or sentence structures and phrases:

[Blossom Date] Tao Yao poem and how they quoted it back at each other, essentially finishing each other's stanza.

[Endless Path Date] The beginning of the dates shows an inside joke between them where MC tries to ask Xu Mo difficult questions to stump him, because he can see through her. But he guesses the herbs she bought by the smell on her fingers. Later on, she guesses that he's going to a party based on his use of the cologne she made him and which he only uses for parties. She explicitly brings up the beginning and how she can deduce things about him too via scent.

[CH13.15] Xu Mo quotes 1 Corinthians 13:12 at MC and [CH16.12] MC quotes 1 Corinthians 13:2 at him.

[CH16.12] During the conference, MC literally quotes the words he said to her [CH13.17] back at him to go against him.

[Dumbstruck Date] Heck, this whole date was MC repeating words that the original Xu Mo said to her and making Winter!Xu Mo jealous as heck LOL.

Throughout the story, where MC draws her strength from how the other men are as people (Li Zeyan's stability and permanence, Bai Qi’s core of justice, etc.), she seems to draw extensively on the words Xu Mo has said to her, or references to the same body of literature.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, but IMO this is why he reacts the worst out of all the men to MC’s disappearance in Chapter 25+.

[riversofmars]

This one took a little while as I hated the first draft and had to rewrite almost everything lol. TW for mild dub con but honestly, nothing bad. Hope you enjoy it. <3

Rating: M

Word-count: 4000

Chapter 4: Conflicting Loyalties 

The Doctor couldn’t be sure how much time had passed. There were no windows or anything else to measure the passing of time by but when she heard voices outside, her shirt was dry enough to put back on. She couldn’t make out what the voices were saying but it sounded like an argument. Her coat was still a bit damp but she pulled it on regardless, in case the content of her pockets came in handy. Her shoulder was feeling better, at least the bleeding her stopped, and faintly, she could feel her regenerative energy working on it. It would be healed in no time at all. She pushed her hands into her pockets and stepped up to the bars in anticipation as the door opened.

“No-one is to learn her identity, you can’t just walk her around the palace.“ Yaz was snapping at a second person, attempting to stop them from entering but they weren’t having it.

“I am well aware, Captain, we take orders from the same people.“

The Doctor frowned, she vaguely recognised that voice.

Clearly annoyed, Yaz stepped aside and the Doctor instinctively took a step back from the bars. The Monk, dressed in expensive looking scarlet robes. She had been a while since she had last seen the renegade Timelord. They weren’t exactly fond memories. The Monk stepped closer, looking the Doctor up and down, his expression unreadable.

“Please open the cell, Captain.“ He turned to Yaz who didn’t look happy at all but she had her orders. It was clear that she didn’t particularly like or trust the Monk but it appeared as if she only trusted very few people indeed. Reluctantly she opened the cell.

“You need to take precautions, you can’t…“ She started again but he was one step ahead of her. He revealed what looked like two electrodes in the palm of his hand.

“Perception filter?“ The Doctor realised what it was but she inched back regardless. She knew it wasn’t dangerous but in this universe, she couldn’t be sure.

“Very perceptive, then I’m sure you understand there is no need to resist.“ The Monk smiled, the Doctor bumped into the metal bench behind her, there was nowhere to go but she had no intention of holding still for him. “Some help, Captain?“ The Monk looked to Yaz who rolled her eyes.

“Fine, alright.“ The Doctor held her hands up before Yaz got to close to her. She knew she stood a better chance of escaping if she got out of this cell, plus, a perception filter could prove useful. She held her hand out to the Monk who raised his eyebrows at her but dropped the electrodes into her hand. The Doctor attached them to her temples, flicking on a little switch to the back. It was a lot preferable to having a bag thrown over her head again.

This time around, the Doctor had the opportunity to look around while she was being led through the corridors of the palace. They were in the Citadel, she was sure of it, the passages looked very familiar. It gave her hope that if she managed to get way from her captors, she would find a way out of here. The Monk hadn’t bother with handcuffs either and the Doctor soon realised why. The number of guards around the royal wing was staggering. If she made any attempt at escape, they would be on her in a flash. So she followed the Monk, her stomach turning at the idea of what might come next.

“You’re the first other Timelord I’ve seen around here…“ The Doctor observed but didn’t get a response. “You don’t seem to like the Captain back there either… is that cause she’s human?“ She carried on, recalling the conversation between River and her parents earlier. When Rory had referred to them not liking having them here, surely he was referring to the Timelords? They were on Gallifrey after all.

“Through here.“ The Monk didn’t answer her question, instead he led her to a big door and opened it.

“Love how eager you all are to talk…“ The Doctor huffed and froze in the doorway when she looked ahead and saw who was waiting for her. The Monk didn’t take kindly to her stopping, he gave her a shove forward and closed the door from the outside.

“You must be the Doctor.“ Clara turn to face her and her appearance could have fooled her. She was all button-up blouse and skirt, just like the Doctor remembered her, but she knew better than to trust a first appearance.

“Clara…“ The Doctor didn’t know what to do, she stood motionless as Clara walked towards her.

“Oh, so we know each other over there? That’s good, that makes things easier.“ She smiled and reached out to cup her face. The Doctor flinched back, but all she did was disengage the perception filter. “That’s remarkable…“ Clara looked at The Doctors face in wonder for a moment, almost as if she hadn’t believed what she had been told until she saw for herself. When Clara seemed to have gotten over the initial shock, she reached out for The Doctors hands. “It’s so good to meet you.“

The Doctor hesitated, unsure what to do or say in reply. Clara’s words were warm and inviting but she was clearly one of the Emperor’s trusted advisors, else she wouldn’t have been brought here, so The Doctor knew she couldn’t trust her. She pulled her hands back.

“Please, don’t worry, I have no intention of hurting you. How is your shoulder?“ Clara gave her a warm smile and reached out for her shoulder.

“Fine.“ The Doctor pulled away again.

“Well, you are a Timelord, you should heal fairly quickly.“ Clara smiled pleasantly. “Have you eaten?“

“What?“ The Doctor frowned, confused.

“Well, people always forget, getting so carried away, don’t they, in the heat of it all, the interrogations and such…“ Clara chuckled. “So have you? Eaten I mean.“

“No…“ The Doctor answered slowly, waiting for the catch.

“Splendid.“ Clara clapped her hands together and gestured for her to come and have a seat. The room wasn’t quite as grand as the Emperor’s living quarters but was decked out with similar splendour. On a coffee table, a meal was laid out. The Doctor hadn’t even realised she was hungry until she saw the food. “It’s not a trick, it’s perfectly edible.“ Noticing her hesitation, Clara grabbed a small bowl and a spoon. It contained a small soufflé and ate a spoonful of it as if to prove it wasn’t poisoned. “I love a good soufflé.“ She smiled, delighted, as the Doctor slowly walked up to her.

“Aren’t you… going to question me or something? Find out what happened?“ She asked as Clara moved over, making room for her on the sofa.

“Are you going to tell me?“ Clara asked.

“No.“ The Doctor huffed.

“Then why would I waste my time? Sit.“ The Doctor did, even if she was still reluctant. She eyed the food with the same distrust as the person next to her. She knew it wasn’t her Clara, but she didn’t seem nearly as bad as the other people she had encountered so far. She knew it might well just be a ruse but surely, not everyone could be bad in this place, right?

“Then why am I here?“ The Doctor asked.

“Is this not more pleasant than the cell you were in?“ Clara chuckled eating another spoon of soufflé.

“Sure…“ The Doctor said, looking at the spread of food in front of her. Her stomach actually growled at the sight of it, tempted. “But what are you playing at?“

“Believe it or not Doctor, I’m trying to help you.“ Clara replied and picked up a second spoon, offering it to the Doctor.

“Help me?“ The Doctor looked at her utterly bewildered.

“Yes. You stood up to the Emperor, that’s very brave and very stupid.“ Clara said turning fully towards her. “She always gets what she wants. Believe me. She will have her answers one way or another.“ Her words were firm and persuasive and the Doctor didn’t doubt the truth behind them. “So when I found out about you, I knew I had to intervene.“

“If you want to help me, get me out of here.“ The Doctor replied and took the spoon offered to her. She scooped a bit of the soufflé out of the bowl, eyeing it suspiciously as Clara had another taste, clearly enjoying it.

“You know I can’t do that, they would know it was me.“ Clara shook her head with an apologetic smile.

“Then what…“ How else could this Clara possibly help her if not by allowing her to escape? Hesitantly, she tasted the soufflé and actually groaned a little at how nice it was. Clara gave her an approving smile before carrying on.

“Full disclosure, Doctor, the Emperor asked me to interrogate you to find out how you crossed over to our universe.“ She explained matter-of-factly. “And though you might find it disconcerting, that is something I’m very very good at.“

“I’m not scared of you.“ The Doctor shot back, almost too quickly.

“And I’m not trying to intimidate you. When she told me who you were, I immediately realised what a great opportunity this is.“ Clara went on calmly.

“How so?“ The Doctor frowned in confusion, this was not going the way she had anticipated. She had expected Clara to be like everyone else she had met here, but she was rather a lot like the Clara she remembered. The Doctor scooped up another bit of soufflé.

“I’m going to tell you something I probably shouldn’t so please don’t speak of this.“ Clara carried on and handed her the bowl they were sharing. “Things aren’t going well in the Empire, the population is suffering. They need to be governed, they need to be looked after, instead of focusing on expanding, we need to rule what we already have. The Emperor, however, believes that only conquest is progress and that all problems will go away so long as we keep expanding.“

“That sounds about right…“ The Doctor contemplated her words, it certainly rang true with what she had seen so far.

“As I’m sure you’ve realised already, there is no-one to stand up to her…“ Clara poured a glass of orange juice and handed it to the Doctor who had finished the soufflé.

“And you want me to…“ The Doctor took the drink offered to her.

“I want us to work together. I have a lot of connections around the palace too, I have power but… the military, the generals… they’re just as blood thirsty as her and without their support, any attempt of bringing about change would fail.“ Clara revealed, watching her take a sip and then a gulp as she realised how nice it was.

“Any attempt at a coup you mean.“ The Doctor couldn’t help but point out.

“To put it bluntly, yes.“ Clara nodded.

“How do I figure into this?“ The Doctor asked, waiting for the catch.

“Well, this is where you would have to trust me.“ Clara gave her an apologetic smile and the Doctor knew immediately she wouldn’t like the answer. “If you tell me what you know, I can take it to the generals, secure their backing and after I have power, stop any attempt at crossing between the universes. Please believe me, I am genuinely only concerned with this one and the welfare of the people here.“

“Nice try.“ The Doctor shook her head, she couldn’t actually believe she thought she could get her to talk this way. She had no reason to believe any of this was true. In all likelihood, Clara was just trying to trick her, gain her trust, and take the information to the Emperor as requested. The Doctor was quick to raise her walls again. “Why should I believe anything you say? You’re one of her friends like you were my friend in my universe, my Clara wouldn’t betray me so why should I believe you’d go behind her back?“

“Until recently I would not have. Just like in your universe, I once cared for her - deeply - that’s why I’m here.“ Clara replied with a smile that had something bittersweet about it. “But she has lost her way. Surely, that’s pretty obvious? All the while I’ve been hoping she would see reason but there are other people who’s counsel she’ll take over mine.“ She shrugged as if there was nothing she could do about that and that she had accepted that. “And now, seeing you, well, it’s showing me a version of what she could be… and that’s very tempting.“ She reached out and brushed a strand of the Doctor’s hair behind her ear. She regarded her earring with interest. The Doctor pulled back, startled at the sudden gesture of affection.

“If she’s such a terrible person - which she is - why are you still here if you don't agree with her?“ The Doctor wanted to believe her but she couldn’t.

“I’m not proud of it but I told you what it’s like out there, I’d be stupid to leave the palace… and I guess part of me just wasn’t ready to give up on her.“ Clara admitted and took the drink out of her hand to put it aside. “But now that you’re here…“ She leaned closer and ran her fingers along the collar of the Doctor's coat.

“Clara…“ The Doctor sputtered, as Clara brought her knees up on the sofa to perch next to her, and felt the run of Clara’s fingertips over her cheek.

“Tell me about her, Doctor. Tell me about your Clara.“

“We uh… we travelled together for a time.“ The Doctor answered not sure what sort of answer she was hoping for.

“Is that all?“ Clara asked softly, almost disappointed, searching her face for more.

“She saved me many times in many different lives.“ The Doctor replied, trying not to let Clara’s gestures of affection unnerve her.

“Who’s to say I can’t do that again, now?“ Clara’s voice was soft, almost pleading. “Maybe we can save each other.“ She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the Doctor unsuspecting lips.

“What are you doing?!“ The Doctor panicked and pushed her back, holding her at arm’s length.

“Don’t you miss her, Doctor? Your Clara?“ Clara whispered. “I can see it in your eyes, when you look at me, you wish I was her. I know I’m not and I know you’re not her either but… we could make a great team, you and me. Maybe we don’t even have to involve anyone, maybe you could just replace the Emperor…“ The was a mad twinkle in her eyes at the idea.

“All I want is to get back to my universe.“ The Doctor retorted trying to sound firm, suddenly feeling very nervous. She let go of Clara’s shoulders willing her to stay back while she shifted away across the sofa, putting some extra distance between them. Clara, however, seemed to have other ideas.

“It’s not all bad over here, Doctor, I can keep you safe if you stick with me…“ She gave her a flirty smile and got to her feet. She took a few steps, coming to a confronting stop right in front of the Doctor. “We could work together. Tell me what you know and I can give you everything you want.“ She reached out and tilted The Doctors chin, making her took up to her. “We could do so much together. God knows you’re everything I wish she was…“ She whispered, biting her bottom lip and she looked the Doctor up and down with blatant appreciation.

“Clara, I think you’re reading this wrong, my Clara and I, we never…“ The Doctor didn’t know what to say, how to handle her advances.

“Oh come on, Doctor.“ She chuckled as she slowly started unbuttoning her own blouse. “You’ll be stuck here for a while, might as well enjoy it for the time being. Let me show you what you could have if you work with me… I promise I’ll be gentle.“

“Clara, I don’t…“ The Doctor tried to get up but Clara was right in front of her, pushing her back down and keeping her there. As much as she tried not to look, the Doctor’s eyes were drawn to her half-unbuttoned blouse. “How do you have that?“ The Doctor exclaimed in shock when she recognised the tattoo revealed on Clara’s chest.

“Looking after all, hm?“ Clara smirked and took the Doctor’s hand, guiding it to the black tattoo snaking its way up her chest. “They’re the markings of a Quantum Shade.“

“I know what it is, why do you have it?“ The Doctor tried to pull her hand away but Clara held it close.

“I told you I have power here.“ She smirked and the Doctor felt anxiety rising inside her. No matter what this Clara was telling her or what her intentions were, even if she did want to help and work with her, she was dangerous in a way she hadn’t anticipated.

“What is your role here? Why does she keep you around if she doesn’t take your advice? Is it for that?“ The Doctor asked trying to pull away.

“Every court needs a judge.“ Clara whispered softly. “You’re not scared of a little danger, are you, Doctor?“

“And an executioner.“ The Doctor’s eyes widened in horror at the realisation.

“We all have to find a way to make ourselves stand out in this universe.“ There was a mad twinkle in Clara’s eyes that made the Doctor shudder, she had done so well at hiding it until now which was the most disconcerting thing. “Comes in handy with other things too… interrogations… when you can sentence someone to death and you're the only one able to reverse it, works a charm.“ Clara explained, clearly amused at her reaction. “I did tell you I was very good at it.“ She winked at her. “But don’t worry, I have no intention of hurting you, quite the contrary…“ She pushed the Doctor back with surprising strength and straddled her lap.

“Clara, don’t, I…!“ The Doctor exclaimed but Clara silenced her protest with a kiss. She took the Doctor’s hands and placed them on her own hips.

“Help me, Doctor, tell me how you crossed over and we can rule this place together.“ She pushed her hands into the Doctor’s hair and pulled her head back before pressing her lips to her throat.

“Is that really how you interrogate someone?“ Amy called from the door, highly amused, making both Clara and the Doctor jump.

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind an interrogation like that.“ Rory commented with a grin and Amy smacked her husband’s shoulder.

“Shut up.“

“I’m so sorry, they just…“ The Monk rushed in after them. Clara looked around clearly annoyed.

“What are you doing here?“ Clara growled angrily. The Doctor took the opportunity of her being distracted to shove her off her lap. Clara dropped onto the sofa next to her but quickly recovered and pulled herself up.

“Just checking in, see how things are going.“ Amy grinned and sauntered closer. She looked to the Doctor who straightened herself up pulling her coat up properly that Clara had pushed down.

“The Emperor entrusted me with…“ Clara stood and stepped closer, meeting the Ponds halfway. The Doctor looked on, conflicted as to who she should be rooting for in this face off. And why was there a disagreement at all? Had Clara spoken the truth and she wasn’t in league with the Emperor as much as the Doctor had assumed, while the Ponds were clearly avid supporters? Or was there more to it that she didn’t know about?

“Yeah, but thing is, we don’t really trust you, so…“ Amy shrugged, answering the Doctor’s question.

“You mean River doesn’t.“ Clara bit back taking a threatening step towards them.

“Same thing.“ Rory shrugged strolling around the room, having a look around, making himself at home. Clara followed his movements with her eyes, her expression one of fury.

“Tell her to sort it out with her wife then, I’m following her orders after all.“ Clara snapped turning to Amy.

“What were those orders, exactly? To give the prisoner a good shag, was it?“ Amy retorted with a cruel laugh.

“It’s none of your business how I…“ Clara started but Rory interrupted:

“Maybe you can make her talk with your head between her legs.“

“Are we any closer to talking then?“ Amy looked past Clara and gave a little wave to the Doctor who didn’t know what to do, she remained seated, trying not to call attention to herself.

“River doesn’t have to trust me. And the Emperor does, so…“ Clara stepped in between Amy and the Doctor, stopping her from getting closer.

“Of course she doesn’t trust you, I wouldn’t trust you near my husband either.“ Amy snarled, giving her a demeaning look up and down.

“You have a type, don’t you.“ Rory chuckled, looking to the Doctor who blushed, despite the fact that she really wasn’t a willing participant in the whole thing.

“You have no business being here.“ Clara growled, her voice low and threatening, she had had enough. The tattoo on her chest started moving, dissolving, evaporating off her skin and turning into black smoke the threateningly curled into the air round her. The Doctor jumped when the screeching of a raven sounded deep from the adjourning room.

“Are you sure you want to do this.“ Amy smirked and pulled a knife from her belt, more than ready to strike.

“You know I do, try me.“ Clara leaned closer and Rory pulled his sword from its sheath circling round her.

“Okay, okay, I think that’s plenty of that.“ The Doctor interrupted, jumping to her feet unable to take the tension any longer. Though these weren’t her friends, she couldn’t watch another one of them die, particularly not at each other’s hands. Quickly she stepped in between Amy and Clara pushing them apart.

“What’s it to you?“ Amy shoved her back and Clara caught her by her shoulders, steading her.

“Stay out of this, Doctor.“

“It would benefit you if we killed each other, so why are you interfering?“ Rory shook his head in amusement, unable to understand what she was doing.

“I just don’t…“ The Doctor couldn’t really explain it. Of course it would be good if they went for each other, she might have an opportunity to escape if they did, but it had been an automatic reaction.

“Monk!“ Clara called looking to the door. “Can you just…“ She gestured to the Doctor.

“Right away.“ The Monk nodded, showing more urgency at her order than he had with the Doctor previously. The chain of command was fairly clear cut.

“Take her back to her cell, just while we sort this out.“ Clara returned her attention to Amy.

“Come along.“ The Monk grabbed the Doctor by the shoulders, he flicked on her perception filter and shoved her towards the door. The Doctor looked around feeling torn. She was grateful to be taken out of the situation with Clara but also worried about the situation escalating. She told herself not to worry about it, it wasn’t her problem, they weren’t her friends. The door closed and the Doctor tried to shake the feeling of dread, reminding herself she had nothing to do with this and that this universe would probably be better off if they fought amongst themselves. It was hard to get used to this backwards way of thinking. The Monk demanded her attention as he walked her down the corridor.

“When I tell you, Doctor, you’re going to hit me in the face and hard.“

“What?“ The words didn’t sink in, they just made the Doctor stop dead in her tracks and whip around confused. The Monk pushed her on, making her keep going as he looked around to check no-one else had heard him.

[notquitechaotic]

so I’m back online, never thought I would be blogging again but here I am after having to deal with man children and their audacity. and y’know, what better way to deal with yet another misadventure with the male species other than bitching about them?

given that this happened like a day ago, I feel like I’ve cooled down enough to try and talk about it. 

screenshots will be included but I would have to blur out the guy’s face (sadly) because of POHA

for some context, I matched with this guy named William (”Will”) on Bumble. I want to say that things kind of went well at first and we exchanged telegram usernames and started talking there instead.

(edit: he has “changed” his alias and is now “Wilford”)

first red flag was the reason he gave after he unmatched with me.

and if anything, I’ve learnt that most of the time when guys like him say that a girl is crazy or “batshit crazy” without elaborating, it’s mostly the guy who is the problematic one and because the girl isn’t reacting the way they want the girl to, the girl would then be “crazy” to fit their “I’m a nice guy” narrative.

I let the matter slide, and I moved on with my day because it was none of my business too. and everything was kind of fine until he accepted my follow request on Instagram.

I’m not that great when it comes to remembering faces but it’s not that bad to the point where I would forget a person’s face completely. So when I realised that he looked different, I asked him.

“my hair diff only” were the exact words he sent so I asked him to sent the photos that were posted on the app. 

this was the part where he fucked up lol

I asked him who the person was because when I tapped into the photo of the guy who is in a sauna, it was a screenshot of someone else’s Instagram account.

he said that it was his good friend and they “agreed to exchange photos” (honestly I don’t believe that for a second, the photo he sent is of his friend, blurred it all out in case someone recognises it)

all the while being pushy to meet irl.

if anything, I absolutely hate it when a person lies to me (because I find things out eventually) and I hate it when they are pushy (in this scenario, this guy just flat out reeks of desperation)

at this very point of time, my impression of him hasn’t been all that great, I was starting to feel really uncomfortable, I just didn’t think it would get worse (but I was wrong)

screenshots from here on out have the top cut off because it shows his phone number and again for privacy issues *cough* POHA *cough*, it has to be cropped out.

on hindsight I should have just set the record straight and say that I wasn’t comfortable meeting him instead of trying to imply it because I wasn’t explaining myself right and it just flew right past him.

“don’t you realise texting can be deceiving” and “some is my friend some is mine, I told you honestly already” are two very contradicting sentences. and again, he was being pushy about meeting.

I probably shouldn’t have used “weird” should have outright say that it was sus, but I would say that I was okay/ somewhat comfortable with the idea of meeting him until I realised that he wasn’t being honest. if he can’t even be honest about his own identity, then whose to say that he wouldn’t have ill intentions? so yeah I would say that me being uncomfortable meeting him is justified.

but this is the part where shit hit the fan because he started showing his true colours when he was being met with rejection:

“there’s nothing to be scared about” again, he wasn’t being truthful of his own identity, I think it is fair for me to overthink and be afraid that he has ill intentions and I’m just trying to protect myself. I don’t think I’m wrong for that lol

you can say “go google and stop ignoring the facts” but he can’t even try to link his sources. errr, when Dr Inna Kanevsky roasts people who use psychology to back to talk about things, she includes sources to support what she says.

again, made the mistake of not telling him outright that I wasn’t comfortable but if you scroll up a little bit to the screenshot where he made the contradictory sentence, I did try to imply that I was no longer comfortable meeting him.

he is trying to act all smart and shit but he can’t imply or at the very least, try to infer

“because it’s wrong (referring to him invalidating how I feel)”“how you feel is plain false” hello? I’m not a robot. and I’m pretty sure that there are paid and experienced psychologists and therapists, not just in Singapore but around the world, who would beg to differ with your statement. no one is wrong to feel the way they feel.

yes I did say that I would be more comfortable texting, but I did make it clear that I’m not comfortable meeting him.

“doesn’t change how you were wrong” “you are completely wrong” ok so feeling uncomfortable meeting a guy who was displaying signs that he may potentially be dangerous is wrong. noted with thanks.

(don’t ask me about the copy cat thing though cause I deadass have no clue why that was being sent to me also lol)

I rejected his call, and by then I’ve blocked him because I was too tired to deal with his shit. And I thought it would be the last I heard of him until I swiped down on my notifications  and saw that this crazy (he deserves this label by now) called me 5 times 

and iMessaged me instead because he couldn’t reach me on Telegram anymore

(what was in the screenshot he sent to me)

“no wonder take so long to graduate”

“lowlife vermin”

“pathetic”

“retard”

“bitch”

“pathetic piece of shit”

(this guy was an NUS student btw)

but I just want to rebut the thing where he said that “it’s a fact you can’t get to know someone by text”

because just based on his outburst and the way he acted and reacted to things, I can kind of tell what kind of a person he is and what his attitude and personality is like:

- he is egoistical (obviously)  “I’m a nice guy” type person, can’t handle rejection

- most likely toxic (based on how verbally abusive he was, I wouldn’t be surprised if he verbally abuses a person to bring down their self-esteem before making it seem like the person can not live without him, and thereby trapping the person in a toxic relationship)

- disrespectful (especially towards women)

- and based on everything, he is most likely insecure 

update: found out who he is, and this isn’t the first time he’s done this shit and it pains me that I can’t expose his identity

[samwilsonsbabymama]

I’ll Always Return to You

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Reader

Summary: Continuation of Baby Girl

Warnings: That would give away the story lol but there’s no smut and it follows Endgame fairly closely with some changes lol

A/N: So, I’ve finally written the second part of this fic and I must say that I am quite pleased with it. I hope yall like it 💖

Word Count: 3,500ish

Nothing had ever prepared you for this type of pain. Even though you always feared that Sam wouldn't come back from one of his missions, nothing had ever prepared you for losing all that you did.

You'd been an emotional wreck when it first happened, because not only did you lose Sam and Lexi, you also lost your mom, your best friend, and some of your cousins. You had spent many days at home with Baby Sammy just trying to make it through the day. There were days where you thought you wouldn't make it, but if you couldn't do it for yourself, then you would do it for Sammy.

The days following Lexi's vanishing, you were glued to the TV screen. On every channel, there were reports of people missing all around the world. Not only were people missing, but animals and plants had vanished as well. You had heard about a battle happening in Wakanda right before everyone vanished, and when the news confirmed that Captain America had been there, you knew that Sam was there fighting with him.

With each passing day of not hearing anything from Sam, your heart broke a bit more. Not only were you mourning Lexi, but you were also mourning losing Sam as well. You knew he was gone, you felt his absence in your soul, but you still held onto hope.

It was hard. The grieving part. You’d been a single mom of sorts before, but you'd never been a grieving single mom. You’d never done well with death, and losing two parts of yourself at the same time didn't make things easier. But you’d made it this far, and you needed to stay strong for your baby boy.

You spent many nights watching Sammy as he slept, wishing and hoping that your family would be complete again, but you knew it was a fool's wish. Sammy was every bit of his father and at first, it broke your heart, but now you were grateful for it. Even though he got to spend such a small amount of time with Sam, Sammy was proving to be exactly like his father. His sense of humor matched his fathers, his smile was identical to Sam’s. You know Sam would have loved to be there with you.

It had taken 37 days before Steve came to see you. Thirty-seven days of wondering, and seeing Steve instead of Sam standing on your doorstep broke you. It was at that moment that you knew that Sam was truly gone.

The weeks following losing Lexi were horrible, most you’d barely been able to pull yourself out of bed.

This particular day, you'd made it from your bed to the couch. You had been cuddled up with Sammy when a hard knock sounded on the front door. You tried to ignore it, and you would have, but the knocking became insistent. You slowly stood and lifted your baby boy into your arms before you made your way to the door.

It was a struggle, the weight of carrying your son and carrying your depression nearly had your knees buckling, but you managed to make it to the door. You shifted your son to your left arm, you leaned towards the door and looked out the peephole. Your anger flared and you snatched the door open. How dare he show his face? How dare he come around after he was the reason that Sam left you in the first place.

“Y/ N, I know this is hard, but please let me explain,” Steve begged.

Let him explain? What was there to explain and why wasn't Sam there with him? You wanted to shut the door in his face, and just as you were about to, Sammy gurgled and your eyes landed on him. He wasn't looking at you, he was looking at Steve and was reaching for him. Your heart plummeted to the bottom of your stomach as you fell to your knees. You didn't even reach the floor before Steve had scooped you and Sammy into his arms and moved into the house. He gently sat you on the couch before taking Sammy from you and placing him in his playpen, before returning and scooping you up into his lap. Steve comforted you as you cried in his arms and you were sure that he was crying as well.

He didn't have to say anything, because you already knew. You’d known this entire time, something about this last mission didn't feel right to you from the beginning and this was why. That and the fact that Steve was there instead of Sam solidified that knowing in you. Sam was gone and there was nothing that you could do about it. Your baby girl was gone and all you could do was cry. When you finished crying, it wasn't because you didn't want to anymore, you just couldn't. Your tears were gone, you’d cried them all. Steve continued to hold you for a while afterward before he broke the silence.

"I'm so sorry, y/n," Steve's voice rumbled as you sniffled.

Steve became more of a staple in your life after The Snap. When he learned that Lexi had also vanished, he vowed to be there for you because he knew Sam would have done the same for him. The two of you helped each other through some hard times.

Steve eventually told you about the battle after you begged and begged him to. You learned that Steve had lost Bucky once again. He had watched him, for the second time, disappear right in front of him, and again, there was nothing that he could do to save him. You learned that Wakanda had lost their King and Princess because of Thanos.

There were days where you didn't want to see Steve, where you didn't want to see anyone but your baby, and those days were the hardest for you to get through. You would often ask yourself why this happened. What had your baby girl done to anyone? She didn't deserve to die. You wanted nothing but to find Thanos yourself, but you knew you couldn't.

Steve had tried many times to get you to move into the Avengers compound with him and Natasha. And at first, you'd seriously considered it, but you ended up declining each time he asked. You wanted to remain in your home, the home you had built with Sam, even if it was broken. Steve respected your wishes and stopped asking you, but he made sure that he came to visit you and Sammy.

Steve took his Uncle duties seriously and was there for a lot of Sammy's firsts and you recorded all of them just like you had done for Lexi. Steve was also there for every one of Lexi and Sam's birthdays. He encouraged you to celebrate them even though they weren't there to celebrate with you. Lexi's fifth birthday was the hardest since it was your first without her. Steve brought over a cake and the two of you sang 'Happy Birthday' and when you blew out the candles, you wished for one thing. For her and Sam to come back.

But your wish never came true.

Within the first year after the Snap, you decided to go back to work. It was hard at first, not seeing all the people that you had grown accustomed to seeing, but you slowly got used to it. Even with half the people, work was still stressful, but you were thankful that you had something to take your mind off your pain. Coming home to your baby boy every night lifted your spirits. His face would light up every time he saw you, and you remembered that you were doing this for him. 

Sammy had turned one and had started to walk. You were so excited when you watched him take his first steps. You cried out Sam’s name only to realize a few seconds later that he wasn't going to respond. Your heart shattered at that realization, but you kept a brave face and cheered your baby on as he took more steps towards you. When he reached you, you scooped him up into the biggest hug and celebrated with him. That night, as you laid in bed, you cried because it had finally sunk in that you were alone.

Two years post-snap, you tried dating, but it just wasn't the same. All everyone wanted to talk about who they had lost in the snap. Not that you were trying to forget, you just didn't want to talk about it all the time. You'd gone on four dates with four different people before you called it quits. Steve supported your decision to start dating, but he was relieved when you decided to stop. He had a feeling that dating wasn't what you really wanted, but he didn't want to say anything. He stood by every one of your decisions no matter how hard it was for him.

Three years post-Snap and Baby Sammy reminded you so much of Sam that you'd taken to calling him Jr. At three years old, he was very active and talkative, he looked and acted more and more like Sam every day that it amazed you. His laughter and humor rivaled Sam's that it warmed your heart. You knew that Sam and Lexi would have loved him just as much as you did.

You spent a lot of time trying to get Steve to date as well, however, he had a harder time with the dating scene. He found that a lot of people blamed him for not being able to defeat Thanos. So Steve opted to remove himself from the dating scene shortly after reentering it. He was convinced that he had his one chance at love and that he missed it, but you were convinced otherwise. You knew his love was out there, he just needed to find them.

Four years post-snap and you felt as if you had a grip on things. Your emotions weren't all over the place carrying the weight of losing Sam and Lexi had gotten a little bit easier. You had begun spending a lot more time at the compound with Steve and Natasha. Jr. Loved spending time at the compound. While there he got to see Rocket and Nebula, both of whom were quite taken by the little boy. Though, you did have to keep a closer eye on him when Rocket was around especially after you noticed Jr.'s growing collection of trinkets. 

Another person that had become taken by your son was Rhodey. If you happened to be at the compound at the same time as him, he would often whisk Jr. Away to show him his War Machine armor. He would often tell him how his father had fought against Thanos.

Now five years post-snap and you were doing very well. Jr. Was now five years old and a complete gentleman. He loved hearing stories about his sister and father, any story about them was his favorite bedtime story. He was a loving little boy, always said please and thank you. He would rush to open doors for everyone when walking to a building. He had a big heart, just like Sam.

One day, while the two of you were at the compound you were fixing dinner for everyone. You heard Natasha in the other room as she conducted one of her calls with Rhodey, Okoye, Rocket, and some others that you hadn't met yet. You could hear the sadness in their voices as they spoke about the goings-on in their part of the universe. They all sounded defeated knowing that there wasn't anything left for them to do.

"Smells good," a voice sounded from behind you.

"Uncle Steve!" Jr. Shouted as he raced towards Steve.

You chuckled as you watched him pick up the five-year-old and continued to cook as Jr. Told him all about his day. A few minutes later, Natasha joined the three of you in the kitchen and began sampling the food.

"I'm almost done, Nat," you admonished as she tried to take another spoonful of the food.

She chuckled and crossed her arms, "Honestly, y/n, we would probably starve without you. Neither one of us knows how to cook."

"Speak for yourself," Steve interjected from across the room.

"Steve, we've all tasted your cooking," you retorted and laughed when Steve feigned hurt.

"D'ya hear that, Jr.?" he said to the five-year-old. "They said that I can't cook. They're ganging up on me. Are you gonna let that happen?"

Jr. Nodded and laughed, "Uncle Steve, you can't cook."

You, Steve, and Nat burst out laughing at his statement.

"Thanks, bud," Steve said still chuckling.

When you finally finished cooking, you fixed yours and Jr.'s plate and began eating. As you all were eating, the doorbell rang, something that rarely happened and it put Steve and Natasha on high alert. They ushered the two of you into a nearby room begore going to see who was at the front door. You waited for about five minutes at most before they came back and got you. When you entered the room, you were met with a man that you'd never seen before.

"Hi, the name's Scott," he said as he reached out his hand for you to shake.

"Y/N," you shook his hand. You studied him for a bit and listened as he talked to Steve and Nat. As you listened, you watched Nat and Steve’s faces and you began to connect the dots.

"That's not possible," you whispered, drawing everyone's eyes to you. "You're talking about time travel aren't you?"

"Scott nodded. "We've seen all the movies, it's possible, y/n, we've just gotta figure out how to do it."

"I think I know how," Steve responded. Nat looked at him and smiled when he nodded.

"It's worth a try," she added.

The rest of the night went by slowly after Steve explained that he was going to go visit Tony and try to convince him to help them bring everyone back. You understood that you wouldn't be able to go so you chose to return home the following day. You knew there was still some bad blood between the two and you hoped that they could bury it and try to get everyone back.

Before you left the compound the next morning, you fixed everyone breakfast and wished them luck.

You continued your days as you had before, dropping Jr. Off at preschool, going to work, picking Jr. Up, going home, cooking and cleaning, rinse and repeat. It had been a few days before Steve contacted you. He told you that Tony had agreed to help but he needed you to stay away from the compound for a few more days. You agreed and begged him to promise to keep you updated as best as he could.

Days passed, then weeks passed and you hadn't heard much from Steve or Natasha. They would call every few days just to make sure that everything was alright, but the space between each call grew with each passing day. After a week of radio silence, you had half a mind to drive up to the compound to see what they were up to, but you had made a promise. You knew that you had to stay away until they gave their word. You were becoming frantic, you had the same feeling in your chest that you had the day you lost Sam. Something wasn't right. The feeling had been growing for the last few days.

You were thankful that it was the weekend and you didn't have anywhere to be, so you and Jr. Hung out around the house.

Around midday, while Jr. Was napping, you began to hear birds chirping outside your window. It wasn't a foreign noise, just one you hadn't heard in a long time, and you walked over to the window. You were confused, there hadn't been this many birds since the Snap. You headed towards the front door and opened it and stood on your porch as did your neighbors. You all looked around wondering where the birds had come from. You were amazed at the sight, it was one that you'd thought you'd never see again and your heart filled with joy.

"Mommy," a voice called from behind you causing your heart to stop. It was a voice that you had longed to hear for the last five years. You slowly turned around and you fell to your knees at the sight before you.

"Lexi," you whispered as tears began to fall from your eyes. "Lexi?" you couldn't believe it, your baby girl was back!

"Mommy, don't cry," Lexi said as she rushed to you and began to cry as well. You knew that she didn't know why you were crying but having her back in your arms was a dream come true. You held your baby girl for what seemed like hours before you finally took a good look at her. When you pulled away, you noticed that she was still four years old and wearing the same clothes that she had vanished in. You looked her over and made sure that she wasn't injured anywhere and when she passed your inspection, you lifted her back into your arms once again.

Introducing Jr. To Lexi was easier than you thought it would be. Since you had told him all about her as he was growing up, he latched onto her. Lexi was a little confused about how Jr. Was now older than her. But after you explained it to her, she seemed to understand and accept it. 

"See, there was a bad man named Thanos," you began. "And he thought he knew what was best for everyone so he made some people disappear. You were one of those people that disappeared. Everyone else that didn't disappear continued to grow and get bigger. Now that you're back, you're the same age you were when you disappeared."

Lexi nodded, "So, I don't have a baby brother anymore? I have a big brother?" "Exactly, Jr. Is your big brother now."

The two of them played well together, better than you could hope for and you could tell that they loved each other. The same day that everyone had returned, you had glued yourself to the news and heard of how everyone that had vanished, had also returned. They also spoke of how the Avengers compound was under attack. You watched as alien spaceships destroyed the entire compound and you saw when the entire compound was covered in orange circles. You wished that you could be there but you knew nothing about fighting aliens. You watched and held your babies close as Thanos and his alien army vanished into thin air.

You were overjoyed when it all ended. You knew that the world was watching the battle along with you and when Thanos vanished you felt a sense of relief wash over you. Not only were you overjoyed about Thanos being defeated, you knew that Sam would be coming back to you soon. You had to wait a few more days. This part of waiting killed you, even when he would go on missions. It seemed that the closer he was to coming home, the harder it was for you to wait. 

You tried staying up and waiting for him, but sleep claimed you around four in the morning the next morning. You kept your babies in the bed with you. It was going to be hard to let them out of your sight now. You hadn't been asleep long when you heard the sounds of your front door unlocking and quick footsteps making their way towards your bedroom. Your eyes opened just as a figure made its way through your doorframe and stopped. The sun was beginning to rise so there was very little light in your bedroom, but enough for you to see who the figure was in your doorway.

He made his way over to you in record speed and pulled you to him.

"Sam," you cried as he hugged you tight and peppered kisses all over your face. "I'm so glad you're back." you couldn't control your tears as the two of you held each other. You couldn't believe that your wish had finally come true and that your family was whole again.

"Y/n," he whispered before he kissed you soundly on the lips. You loved hearing him say your name, nothing in this world could top the feeling that it gave you. When he finally pulled away from you, his eyes fell onto Lexi and Jr. And you watched as he began to cry once again.

"Lexi?" he asked. He couldn't bring himself to speak the words.

"Is back," you simply replied. He nodded and ran his hand over her cheek before reaching for Jr.

"And this is Sammy? He's so big now," he cooed with renewed tears.

"Yeah, and he's exactly like you might I add. Humor and all," you chuckled. You placed your hand on his cheek and smiled when he leaned into it. "I'm so happy that you're back, Sam. I've missed you so much."

"I know, y/n. But like I promised before I left, I'll always return to you."

Part Three

[sassaetcie]

The Molten Charcoal (Idia x Silver fic) : Chapter 2

Enjoy this second chapter :) Please reblog if you like, or comment, I love to see your comments,,, 

I... went outside my room. The corridors were pretty chilly... I guess I should really go outside, huh. What if I spread the curse here, though? If some ice were to be born here, to be blossoming peacefully, or furiously, no melting would even be bestowed upon them. Only my flames would remain. Only I will remain... somehow. The darkness were soothing, though. They don't burn, after all. I should ask someone to use dark magic to boost my computers, lol. Nevermind. I didn't meet anyone, of course. All of Ignihyde's students aren't giving a shit, anyway. If we were to come across each other, we would both stare at the void and walk as if no one was there. My legs hurt a bit, tho. Less than in PE and after PE and the day after but still... I walked for a few minutes at least. Maybe I was just hungry... I was so stressed I couldn't tell lmao. But the corridors were so quiet and chilly... I'm just annoyed our colors are black (tho it's not really a color) and blue... Can't blue just fucking disappear. Hmm... if blue were to "fucking disappear", Ortho would as well kflgldlnf,. I'm stupid. He even called me some... time ago, I think? I should check the hour from time to time... What if I miss some event???

My "date" with Silver is in 6 days, probably. Why would he call it a date if he doesn't know I'm in love, though... I guess Ortho really saw through me and wasn't joking with my Prince Ideal?! Is he going to shoot Truth Bullet in my face and make me the only victim of this love trial?! Six days, tho... I'll have to see Silver... I've already met him so it won't be as awkward as the first time but... Do I even have the right to love him, anyway? I probably have, but I can't fulfill my lovey dovey dream, LOL. Even if he were to love me... Even if he is a Prince... That's the way I should behave as the future Shroud Family Head. I should wed someone of my "rank". But if I do, how many responsibilities will be pushed upon our shoulders? I can not just marry him, that's right. But he is still a "prince". I won't ever wed a fucking prince. Wouldn't that mean fulfilling my kin's wish? I don't. fucking. want. to. I don't want to be a Shroud. I am just... Idia... I am just Idia... And if the prince's ideal was just something I started to wish after what happened back then? What if I don't really love Silver but just love his aura? That's it, right... Sorry, Ortho, I really can't be in love with Silver, huh. There's no way I truly love. That's just another delusion. I'm just a stupid kid. I'm just a stupid adult. Whatever. This delusion is sweet, huh? That will last some time. And it'll vanish. I can't love a prince since it would be a Shroud's fate. I want to love the Prince Charming since I want to be saved. Couldn't I just love the sweet and caring senpai ideal?! Guess I went the hardcore mode because I'm rich and used to opulence, lol. I still got six days... I guess Ortho will knock my door like hell when the time shall come, anyway. That makes me going outside at least five times to be prepared... Welp, I'll just play some games and read the lessons's content Ortho has sent me. Lol.

[Started Recording at : 11 am : Second??? Day]

[May contain fragments and shattered data]

[The user has deemed preferable to let them be.]

-LET'S FUCKIIIING GOOOOO

-What do you mean, dude? ... trying my best. No... really.... serious!

The room next to Ortho was definitely reflective of Idia's moods. His shouting and screaming and screeching and howling were as reversed as his flame hair. He was not a bother when he let his voice ramble... He was not annoying either.

-I'm... best DPS! Y'all can't outrun my skiiiiiiiiills!

He was just acting so happily. His little brother sat on the bed he had been offered by the school, in the room the school had offered him, in the world he had been offered. The covered by some shades of blue, very likely azure, bed, was probably soft.

-GOOD GAME y'ALLLLL! I'm... play... See y'all!

-Huh? If I want to stay in the... channel? Sure~! What do... wanna talk about, though?

He did not need to go outside to seek happiness. They knew about that. His flames barely had enough sense in existing, and could erase all of the logic they were looking for. This story did not make any sense. Should this story make sense? He was a half, after all. This should make sense. But why?

-Yeah, WyverneCastel? I.... yeah... need... later. If you can, ... course!

The next lesson would soon begin. It was better to stop Recording right now.

[Ended Recording at 11:30 am : Second??? Day]

Tbh, I only had good games so far. No Internet problems (of course, since I usually fix them, NRC is so fucking slow when it comes to administration and solving problems LOL), no Internet problems for my team, no server crash... I kind of like to solve little stuff like that, to be fair... Like, I didn't really use to when I was younger. Well, until a certain incident, of course... Maids and butlers would just bring sweets, cupcakes, forêt noire, macaron, lemon pie, millefeuille, sachertorte, éclair, tropézienne, chou à la crème, mochi, dango, baklava, Turkish delight, praline pie, crepes, waffles... No matter how dark and clean their suits and dresses were, none of them were exactly identical. I guess that's why I could recognize them, especially when I was small... I guess my parents just wanted to show off by telling others their servants could have a slightly customized outfit, or some kind of shit like that. It would probably cost a bit more than regular outfits they could just ordered at the same moment... Just because they had money, the "bit" was staying a "bit". I don't want to see them again... Their blue burning hair, like mine... I fucking hate it. I can't even dye it. I can't dye it. I can't dye it. I can't dye... I can't change them... I can't change... I'm a cursed heir in love with someone who could be a prince but isn't at the same time. This story cannot end in a way or another. This doesn't make any sense, yet it does. Can it just be absolutely absurd? Give me some powers that don't make any sense. I want them. I don't want to be a Shroud. Welp, guess I'll go and check what Ortho did for the lessons. I'll probably go and take a "walk" after (that is, earning outside-resisting exp points to lvl up my skill).

Okay, so the "recordings" go as "The Seventh's history may seem simple at first, but do not forget that History is made by winners. They were the ones to win and if their people are living in, for the most, good conditions, it is yet to be proven that the means were as glorious as the results. If someone says something when speaking of History, try thinking about the opposite. It may end up interesting, although I cannot deny some FACTS exist in History itself, since an enormous sample of people were made to make sure that it was a "fact" and therefore, not a "speculation". Well, these facts could be denied since propaganda exists in our world, alas. But doubting everything will spread discord, and even lying can be used by leaders to prevent peoples from collapsing or killing each other."

Up to this point, I cannot say it's difficult. I mean, it's just almost a Civilization creative game, huh. I guess this is just the introduction or something like that, and that the "hard" part will come right after...

"The Queen of Hearts has made an abnormal lots of rules, for instance. Yet, her peoples did not dethrone her. Does that mean they like her? Well, this could be interpreted as "respect" from our point of view. But from someone else, they could actually fear her and fear the fact she has sent people to death. She held trials to judge them before sentencing them to death or other punishments, that is true. Yet, were that true trials or actually fake trials only meant to look like trials and fair justice? We do not have enough clues about whether she actually listened to mitigating factors or... . To keep going with this idea, ... also was judged when ... came to Wonderland. The trial was ... and yet almost ... ."

I'm not gonna lie, why the hell are there blanks? Ortho is always serious and meticulous. There's no way he can miss a single word. His ears are among the best of the world. I'm pretty sure he can fucking outrun all of Savanaclaw when it comes to earing (well, actually, he probably can outrun ANYONE since he's great). So if there are blanks... there are but a few reasons for that. Either he needs an urgent update, but this has NEVER occurred before since I've spent months to create a perfect calendar to never let him suffer the most insignificant flaw. Thus it can't be that. He could have been beaten up but that wouldn't make any goddamn sense. Who would even try to hurt him when I'm so neutral to anyone? I legit don't give a shit about what's going on in NRC. I'm not even sure I met the new student (if they're that new since I dunno when they have arrived lol)... This left me with two solutions.

Either Ortho was infected by a Virus, but nobody here has my hacking skills so it's very unlikely or... he has started recording more than expected and it's making its components slow down. I guess I won't have any choice but upgrade his memory next time we update him. The thing is... what the fuck is Ortho recording outside of our notes? He's probably doing something for my sake or...?! No, he wouldn't do something that twisted... He wouldn't!!! He wouldn't seek intel on Silver for my sake?! Go back Ortho! GO BAAAACK! You're a pure-hearted shota character, you shouldn't seek to change your condition or you may end in a fucking violent time loop! I don't think he's actually doing this... It would be weird for Ortho to act on this own on shady stuff like this. I guess he is trying to help me in a way... But what the fuck can he be recording... I'll think about it after checking the other days recordings. Maybe there weree already some parasite noises or something like that?

So, I've listened to the whole yesterday recordings, and even the one before yesterday (I just sped up his voice since I just wanted to be sure there were no vocal errors). I am.. pretty sure of it, now. Ortho did not have troubles until yesterday night at least. It seems it has begun during the second part of Trein's class, so it wouldn't be stupid to think that his memory is being more and more filled by "something else". I guess I will just ask him to only pick the key information and understand by himself what the teachers told him... It will take faaaar less room. I'm going to get out now, that's probably night. I hope it will be another chilly travel.

OKAY THIS DIDN'T GO AS PLANNED AT ALL. NOT AT ALL, NOT AT ALL, NOT AT ALL. I thought I'd take a stroll towards in the refectory since no one is supposed to be there at that time but I FUCKING FORGOT THAT NO ONE GIVES A FUCKING SHIT IN THIS FUCKING SCHOOL?! I even thought of taking some food if there were some leftovers so that I could award myself from getting out of my room (cause honestly walking is boring as fuck, I'd rather walk in Skyrim, at least I can hear my leather boots on the ground, lol)... Of course people would have been there. But when I got out of my room, the chilly ascension kept on telling me to move forward.  Everything was covered in darkness, to the point I thought my flames would become that of a raven, finally. I took several steps, no matter what the light piercing my skull did. The gleam may try to bath the corridor of their blue burning halo, there were too much potential icicles ready to kill it. I just wanted the chill atmosphere to let me walk, and somehow it ended up this way. For now, my flames were too weak to even absorb the ice before absorbing their waters. I wish for it to weaken to the point my sparks die. I want to walk on that silver lake too... I don't want to fly above. I don't want to sink beneath. I want... to walk on it. To swim through it.

Basically, by the time I got to the refectory (always fucking heavily decorated, like what the hell, luxurious chandeliers????), I realized I made a mistake. There were at least two potential people going there at least once a week. From the moment I heard their voices, this was too fucking late. Trey and Jamil were arguing, somehow? I didn't even think it was possible for these two to argue... I mean, Trey is the cool glasses trope and Jamil is obviously the tortured-but-actually-cunning-and-not-that-bad one. How could they even argue? Well, not that I knew if it had happened before. Cater could post a lot of stuff on Magicam (and yet that wasn't even shitpost...), lol. But I don't remember seeing stuff on Trey badmouthing Jamil or the other way round... Trey was the kind to avoid troubles at all cost, especially since he was under Riddle's influence... I would behave the same, tho I would never have been vice-dorm-leader lmao (well im already dorm head and it's already a fucking pain in the ass, thanks)... I tried to escape but it was too late... I guess that's what I get for playing with my burning curse. They asked me what was I doing there, though they probably were not surprised of my walking "hours". They seemed so suspicious of myself that it was not an ordinary situation. Usually, they would maybe have greeted me... That's all. They began asking me if I was the one stealing the food. Even if my answer was clear, even shaky, none of them would accept it. I was... after all... fire. Fire and water never meddled. Even if I pushed my body to repeating the same answer under different shapes since I may have had a bad locution... They wouldn't listen to me. At some point, I even told them I would find the criminal later and that I would just record some little things they would say to me before going back to my dorm, but they wouldn't even let me go.

-Well, you see, Shroud, there were supposed to be some yakitori, curry portions and blanquette de veau left. All of them disappeared. Although I think it would be hard for you to eat all of this, your health habit seems bad enough to let you eat nothing for several days then compensate suddenly by a huge chunk of food. Am I wrong?

Jamil wasn't especially agressive toward myself, though I know he probably doesn't like me. Who likes me in this ocean, anyway. They were not fishes like Octacreepnelle, but more of... water elementals, I guess. Or maybe barely humans able to seize water and flowing into rivers. They could merge into this part I couldn't access. Of course I would be forever different and... hated as such. Very likely.

-I am sorry to interrupt you, Mr Viper, but I don't think Shroud is the responsible. I know for sure he has a sweet tooth, and yet, most of the sweets are actually there. Except some of the biggest cakes, everything is more or less there.

I would have rather prefered Trey not to reveal my weakness to the enemy, but he was also trying to protect me in a way. Trey is probably actually more of the hero in disguise trope...! Just kidding. But up to this point, they had so many proofs and yet were clueless and even daring to choose me as the culprit...

-The culprit isn't me, isn't Trey and isn't Jamil...

-Heh?

-How can you be so sure about that, Shroud?

-E-eh... You suddenly rely on me so much... Guess I'm good as long as I can be useful, huh... But you won't let me go if I don't spit the truth so... Basically, all of the sweets, which are tiny and not good for health, are left. Then, we can conclude it's neither of you because you would have picked up ingredients, not food itself, or at least not Trey since he probably values a lot baking and improving.

-T-That's true...

-Then, that could be Jamil... But why would he come again if he already has stolen that much? And from what I know, Jamil prefers to cook because of some dark poison stories, right?

-Y-yes, I cannot deny that...

-Then, it is neither Trey nor Jamil. About myself, I try to stay in my room as much as I can, and I'm pretty sure Ortho only go to the refectory during the authorized hours since he is much more reliable than I am. But why would anyone steal so much food in the first place? If it were for one person, one or two dishes would have been sufficient. Moreover, let's say it again, the sweets were not stolen. So the person who stole... didn't pick up what they wanted by love of good food! They stole it because they needed it.

-Hmm... I wouldn't disagree with you, Shroud but.. I am pretty sure I got a letter from Jamil telling me I had to get here at 10 pm...

-Excuse me, Clover? Aren't you the one who sent the letter?

-And that solves the mystery. There is someone who planned on stealing food, knew that you were the only two going for sure in the refectory during night and set you up.

-Wait, who dares to do such a personnal attack against Scarabia?

-It is very likely that the culprit is... Ruggie Bucchi from Savanaclaw.

-Wait.. that would actually make sense...?!

-Especially since he didn't get a lunch earlier... I guess he planned on pleading for hunger if someone was to catch him during the act. And so he sets us up by delivering letters on different hours, and not by his own hands... Wait this level of intellect is almost that of Azul... Ruggie Bucchie is really cunning and... worthy of praise in a sense.

-Hm, that would definitely make sense since he is always the one to get the leftovers in the refectory before the holidays to help the people of his town. I did not expect you to be that useful, Shroud.

-Heh, you're talking to the one who solved Hinamizawa and Rokkenjima's mysteries on the second parts of each, of course I can do such petty investigation.

-Well... thanks... on the behalf of... Scarabia. I am going.

Jamil just left, but tbh I don't really know why. I guess he wanted some time alone before going back to Kalim. At a certain point of my childhood, I had tried to ask less and less to maids and butlers since they all worked so hard. They probably wanted some freedom too. And... I wanted to learn things for myself, too.

-Oh, Shroud, since you've helped us a lot... And... you've thought of how hard I work on my cakes... I want to make you one as an award. And it must have been hard for you to speak to us. Ask me anything and I'll bring you a cake, my best cake, when you want me to give it to you.

-H-h-h-h-huh? I mm-m-m—mean it's really nice b-b-b-but I...

-That's okay, take your time, I won't scream or shout on you just because you're different from others.

-I... I... thanks... Thanks... But... Shouldn't y-y-y-y-you be paid for that...? I mean, you're a kind of artist, and artists should be p-p-p-paid, r-r-r-ight?

His face certainly moved. But why? Was it on its own, or an order, a semi-order, even? I couldn't tell whether his mouth was smiling or if he was smirking, or the other way around. His limbs were linked like any of the sea-universe kin. So, if he were to makes any action, it should be on purpose... but that would be far too easy and stupid.

-Yeah, sure, but you paid me by solving a big trouble. Of course, depending on what you ask, the fees could overcome the wish I had, and thus you would have to pay a supplement.

I had already asked him about the fees and talked about artist respect. I couldn't possibly go beyond what he would offer me since I, for once, had gathered experience on this one, right...

-Please... Can I have a... I hope it won't sound weird... grey and blue cake? With some hard candies on the top...

-Wow! That's an original idea, I like it! Sure, I'll make it. Blueberries and hmm... I guess some white chocolate, maybe some Turkish Delight if I'm in for it... I'll try to make something unique for you! When should I give it to you?

-I-in... five days, if it's fine with you... I really don't want to bother you, you're already so nice and patient with me...

-That's okay, I'll bring it in five days to the Ignihyde Dorm! But the hard candies and the Turkish Delight may make the cake harder to make... Since you're a Dorm Leader and I don't want Riddle to have troubles with you, could attend at least one PE class? That would make up for it.

-Y-y-y-y-y—yeah, sure.

[faul-lacks-motivation]

A Simple Analysis of the Differences Between FMA (2003) and FMA:B

I just spent the past week rewatching both Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and I have THOUGHTS that I need to put out into the void to get over the emptiness I feel from finishing such a wonderful series. Thoughts surrounding the distinct story and theme differences in the endings of both series. Please, come along for the ride if you wish. Spoilers a-plenty ahead. 

To preface, I first watched the original Fullmetal Alchemist series about ten years ago, in either 2009 or 2010. I loved it. Everything was amazing, except, I was disappointed in the ending - which is really spawning this whole analysis. After I finished the series, and the movie to cap it off, I found Brotherhood on the streaming service I was using, and was rightly confused. FMA was one of my first introductions to anime, so I didn’t know much about the world of anime or manga. Because of this, I asked my older brother and he told me not to bother with Brotherhood. (Idk if his thoughts have changed regarding this). So, it wasn’t until, maybe four years later that I decided to give Brotherhood a chance. First, I saw a few random episodes on Adult Swim, and was confused that 1) Al could do alchemy without a circle, and 2) why the hell was Ed so tall? For the first confusion, I blame that on forgetting the lore of how the hand clapping alchemy plus the truth gate worked, and thought it was something special only Ed could do. Around this time, I realized that my school library had the FMA mangas, so I decided to start reading them, and was of course, enamored. Then, I think the library didn’t have all of the mangas, and somehow I had realized that the Brotherhood anime was basically identical to the manga, so I decided to pick up in the anime where I left off in the manga. 

I honestly don’t have much memory of watching FMA:B all those years ago. Maybe that’s because the last, what, 20 episodes is the finale, lol. But I do remember enjoying the ending, and wishing that I could pair the entirety of FMA with the ending of FMA:B. What I enjoyed so much about FMA was the serious, dark tone of it. At the time, I felt like FMA:B had a lighter, sillier tone to it, and I was pining for those depressing moments in FMA where Ed was losing his mind. What can I say? I like intense characters and shows. 

When I began my rewatch a week ago, I was reminded of just how dark FMA was. Of course, I still enjoyed it. I had a wonderful time reliving the show and rediscovering plot lines, and watching the boys do everything they can, but then I got to the last few episodes. To be clear, and for those who maybe haven’t watched FMA, the whole show is dark and depressing. There is very little hope. It is far more brutal and bloody, with the reality and trauma of war, even resulting in the r*pe of a beloved side character. Really, the writers just went off, which I think is evident by the story line of Tucker. The flipside of that, is that the darkness and trauma is toned down in FMA:B. It’s not as gory, and there’s more hope. Even the whole reconnecting the nerves thing that Ed goes through with his automail is far less painful. There is more comedy in FMA:B, but I realized in my rewatch that it is deserved and does not disrupt the tone and still allows for the show to be serious.

Don’t get me wrong, I love FMA for what it is. Like I said, I like intense characters, and I was waiting for those intense battle moments where Ed is scrappy and resourceful, and maybe on the verge of a mental breakdown. We get that in FMA:B too, but just not as much. During my rewatch, though, I realized how slow the pace of the show was, especially when you get to the second half. I’m sure we can discuss that this was because the anime started when there was just a few volumes out and the creator wanted the anime to take on a different story, which they certainly did, but it is slow. Especially when you compare it to the pace of Brotherhood. 

Now, my biggest qualm is the ending of FMA. It always has been, and here’s why: there is no internal change within Ed and Al. They end where they began. Writing and pace aside, the end of the FMA series has the boys alone. Loneliness is the one of the biggest differences between the two stories. Throughout FMA, the brothers are always keeping their mouths shut and just trying to stay on track with their mission. The adults, and Roy’s gang, try to step in, try to help and offer support, but the boys are still pretty hell bent on keeping it a family matter. And this gets into the “no hope” aspect to the tone of the show. After shit goes down in Liore and Al becomes the philosopher stone, he and Ed take off on their own. Sure, Roy’s gang stops them, and tries to help, but even then, Ed and Al still stubbornly keep their secrets. Perhaps this is because they truly feel there is very little hope. They know that the philosopher stone is made from human lives. They thought that they had saved Liore, when in reality, they contributed to how fucked up it got (which is a huge difference in FMA:B). Now, thousands of soldiers are dead, they’re fugitives, and Al himself is a philosopher stone. I can even argue that Ed is far more emotionally stoic in this series, which contributes to the tone. 

Sure, the boys do achieve some change when they encounter their mother-homunculus. They find acceptance with her death, but they are still alone. And mind you, at this point in the show, we’re winding down, yet these battles don’t feel intense and climatic. They’re somber. Sad. A big theme of FMA is “what does it mean to be human?” This is a big part of Lust’s character, and she does what she can to help the boys, and then fizzles into death, thinking about her human life and love. Sloth acknowledges that she could love Ed and Al, but she wants to kill them, and at the very end she accepts her death. Wrath, a lost child who wanted a mom because he felt abandoned, now loses his mother figure in Sloth, and loses his mind. He’s crying out about wanting his mother and wanting to bring her back (a foil for Ed? What? No way). The boys are separated, having felt loss once again.

Then, we get the final battle. I’ll gloss over the parallel world thing, but what we get, is the boys going into battle alone. Sure, Al didn’t have a choice, but Ed did. He is so caught up in his turmoil and his desperate need to save his brother from his mistakes. He can’t fathom bringing in anyone else, and the crazy part is that all the adults in his life let him go into battle alone. There is nuance to that, of course, it’s not so cut and dry, they all had shit to do, but still. Even with Hohenheim around, he offers very little to his sons, and also goes off into battle alone (which yes, is similar to FMA:B, but his decision kept the boys out of the loop, and fucked up everyone). 

And then, in the most anti-climatic moment, Ed dies. Envy shocks him with the reveal of his appearance (which I would call bullshit on), and he straight up dies. Not in a heroic way, just in a sad, he ran out of luck way (which is reflective of the serious tone of the series). And really, even with all of that, the boys basically luck their ways into saving the world. Once the villain is taken care of, Al does something out of desperation. He uses the philosopher stone, and sacrifices himself, to save his brother. What ensues is a cycle of toxic desperation and sacrifice. He uses the stone, which really, they both said they shouldn’t use because of the lives lost. What he does, is not accept the reality and finality of death, which if they were going to have an internal change by the end, it would be accepting that. But he doesn’t, so he brings Ed back. And then Ed, not respecting that his brother wanted to give himself up, decides to then sacrifice himself to bring Al back. What we see, is the same problem that they got into in the beginning. Their incapability to accept death and move one. They can’t even find a new way to bring their bodies or souls back, Ed does what he did when he was a child to sacrifice himself to bring Al back. And the sad thing is that Ed is completely calm during this. He knows what he is doing. And, it is sad. Even after that, when we learn of the new, younger Al, who doesn’t even have his memories of the past 3-4 years of him and his brother, states that he still wants to continue their mission. What we see, is that nothing was learned. Al is going on the same mission he started the series with. And sure, at the end of the movie that finished the series, they are back together, but they are alone in a different world without alchemy. And we, as the viewers, know that there is very little chance of them coming back to their home world. FMA ends, with the boys alone, still. 

Now, on the flipside of that we have FMA:B. Instead of the boys stubbornly refusing help until the very end, they let others in. They know that they need help. It’s why the finale is basically the last 20 episodes, because there are so many moving parts to save the day. And I’ll be real, when watching those final episodes, I did find myself wanting more of solo brother moments. I wanted to see more of Ed’s resourceful fighting, but because he had so many people on his side, he didn’t need to resort to that. And that truly is the point of FMA:B: having people on your side. Getting down to the last moments, what we have is 1) a far more epic battle, and 2) Al still sacrifices himself. BUT, this sacrifice feels justified. In the moment he decides to do so, he knows that Ed is about to die (emphasis: about), and that his soul seal is about to break. His sacrifice calls back to the other soldiers who sacrificed themselves to get in a mortal blow on the enemy. And Al uses logic with this. He realizes that if Ed gave up his arm for Al’s soul, then the reverse is true, and in that moment, Ed needs his arm in order to fight back. Al knows, that either he does nothing and they both die, or he sacrifices himself because he was going to die anyway and save his brother and everyone else. 

And Ed accepts this. He is angry and upset, of course, but he is able to stop the bad guy. And then we see his internal change. He is offered a philosopher stone to bring back Al. He says, no, of course not. His own father insists and offers himself because he is a philosopher stone. Again, no, of course not, this is our problem, we can’t sacrifice anyone else. So he thinks. He realizes everything he now has in his life, everything he gained, and decides to sacrifice something he really doesn’t need: his alchemy. If you think about it, the only reason he got so invested in using alchemy was out of lonely desperation to bring back his mother, and then to restore Al’s body. Why would he need alchemy when he has the support of so many loved ones and his brother? 

With FMA:B we get a satisfactory ending. Because the brothers are able to change and allow support from others, they are able to get back what they wanted. (I would assume that Ed probably didn’t care too much about getting his limbs back if it meant he got Al back, but hey, one out of two aint bad). Ed and Al are able to move on, and look brightly into their futures. Personally, I found that Ed being unable to use alchemy a bit of a bummer, but again, he recognizes that he doesn’t need it, and in the ending he reflects that the sacrifice was worth it, because it was. He got back his whole world and then some. 

What we have are two very different stories. I would argue FMA is a cautionary tale of loneliness and refusing help. FMA:B is the opposite. While both are enjoyable and intense and cinematic, that difference sticks with me. 

[fmddevin]

woosh !! so i was trying to keep my ooc identity a surprise until now, but apparently i was stupid and y’all found out before i could get this up so...yay!! anyways, i’ll try to keep this short and simple! i’m jada, and this is my second baby, and the last for a while - mr. daein “devin” kim! he’s 23, the lead vocal & lead dancer of impulse, and an overall mess. he’s got a lot to work out, but i’m excited to see what i can do with him and how he grows & develop! he’s a little more on the chaotic side than micha is, but don’t let it scare you off! i swear i’ve got a plot page coming really soon, like tomorrow, but in the meantime - here’s his profile & bio! i’m more than happy to plot with you, though, so like this for me to hop in your ims!! trivia & some hawaii event ideas / general plot ideas under the cut.~

ok let’s get this started!! i promise to try to make this short & sweet as possible (but you know i’m jada so-). but before i wrote daein’s profile i made like a....3 page bullet summary of what i wanted him to be, so i’m going to be inputting some of those here!! so if it sounds a bit rambly...you know why!

if you’re just here for the event thread ideas, scroll down towards the end, where hawaii event ideas is in bold! <3

born on march 24th, 1996!

parents koreans from seoul, korea. met through a study abroad program @ their college, fell in love with each other and the us! had baby daein, who got plopped in the middle of tampa, florida!

his whooooole childhood felt like he was living in isolation. being one f the only asian-american kids on the block, he definitely felt like an outsider. when he’d bring kimbap, kimchi, or tteokbokki for lunch, they’d always look at him all confused like?? what is that

it made him sad bc he always had felt like his different was a good thing, and he’d been raised to be proud of his culture, but apparently not??

as a sidenote kid misheard his name in middle school and was like “devin?” and he was like “sure that’s it” and started going by that outside of home ever since bc it made him feel more american 

just throughout his whole childhood he was ridiculed for being different, which was really the start of his obsession with other’s satisfaction and being like everyone else!

so he took matters into his own hands, but in the worst way possible. during this time, he went against everything his parents had taught him and essentially rejected his korean culture. he stopped bothering to learn the tidbits of korean they were trying to teach him, never brought up his culture, and kind of distanced himself from his parents. he always was trying to bring up some excuse for why they couldn’t come to events because he was always embarrassed about their english and how different they all looked compared to everybody else. just...not a good time and his parents were very upset w/him

anyways onto happy times!! middle school was when he discovered his passion for dance, hip hop in particular. he would always be so amazed by the dancers at the boardwalk performing and decided that’s what he wanted to do!!

sOooOo he originally started off as being self-taught through videos on youtube, but eventually his parents agreed to let him dance if he a.) promised it wouldn’t mess up his grades and b.) he paid for them his own

and he did!! it was Hard but he made sure his grades were in check & picked up a part-time job at the ice cream parlor near his house to get money. it was minimum wage and he had to wear a cheesy apron with this ice cream cone hat but anyways

he could only afford one lesson a week at the community dance center, but it taught him a lot!!! where he discovered his true passion for dance, and tbh spent more time there than anywhere else

eventually!! he joined a florida dance crew and that’s when his skills really blossomed and people started taking him seriously, basically was there until the beginning of high school

tw: drug and alcohol addiction!

and then high school is when it...all came crashing down. being such a people pleaser, he fell victim to peer pressure. he was scared of being looked down again, because by now he’d formed a name for himself and was pretty popular. so, to continue blending in, started getting heavily into drinking and drugs and just...not good, because he grew really dependent on it and started losing his enthusiasm for everything else. it’s something he continues to struggle with a lot, although it’s mostly drinking nowadays and the only drug he’s involved with on a regular basis is weed?? but he has relapsed and that’s a major reason he needs people around him to keep him stable!!

also the dance team wouldn’t let him back in bc he failed the drug test and his drug spiral just got worse because he had nothing else to focus his energy on.

it was the only thing that really made him feel something other than dance, and now that he was spending all of his money on it he couldn’t even do that.

tw: drug and alcohol addiction - end!

he partially discovered his love for singing after the months he had to go w/o dancing. he really started to enjoy it but only in private because he was Embarrased of what others would think so

his parents were tired of his bs because he was a junior now and they were basically like we’re tired of the people we hang around and you need to be around family, so for spring break they sent him to seoul!!

boy was hEated alr. like i said, wasn’t a fan of his culture, he had to leave his friends who were all going on fun trips, & he knew NOTHING - not the language, the people, anything.

but when he got there??? kind of actually enjoyed it. he got to meet family he’d never met before, picked up a little of the language, all of that. but hongdae??? - that’s what made him really excited.

he never thought of korea to be a very exciting place, until he went there. there were so many other talented dancers and he felt so at home, but unlike in florida, they looked like him!

so this is where it gets a little funny lmao. his family refused to fund his habits but he wanted to go to a club while he was there to have fun and impress girl??? so basically, he went to hongdae, and tried  busking for some extra cash. and he LOVED IT!! for a reference he freestyled to turn up the music by chris brown lol

and it was real fun!! he genuinely had a really good time - but right before he left some random ass man left him a little slip, and he was like ??? and then he asked him his name, and daein barely understood what he said and in english was like “hey i’m devin??” and when the man realized he was like yes!! and daein was like no??? but took the slip anyways and turns out it was an invitation to a gold star audition!!

the second daein read it said kpop he essentially was like “lmao no” and just threw it in his bag. so he went home, and kind of forgot about it all, until a few months after he got home. things weren’t really looking up for him and he really wanted to continue his dance career, he just didn’t know how. he didn’t get accepted to the college he wanted to because of that time his grades had plummeted, and it was hard to land a stable dance job. & his parents were like look if you don’t make this dance thing happen we’re going to throw you into a business job with a suit and tie u need money

and daein!! hates!! corporate!! so he was like hell no and decided to give this idol thing one last chance

so - he submitted a video audition to gold star, and low and behold!! he made it!!

even though this was his saving grace, he really didn’t know what to do about it. because i mean he loved tampa, and he didn’t want to leave?? but when his parents heard the opportunity they were ELATED because they knew dance was the only thing that really put his focus on good things & they wanted him to be in korea with his family and all that. so!! they were like DO IT. and he really had no other choice so he was like uhhhh i guess

flash forward to the end of may!! right after the end of his junior year of school in tampa, he moved to korea to start training. since he had a pretty good experience during spring break of the year before, he expected his life to be better than he’d expected!! but...it was really hard. since he had to live there, and he was only 16, he felt really lost w/o his parents, and his only real family there were his grandparents and cousins he barely every said hi to so that sucked

tw: depression and light substance abuse!

around this time was when he developed signs of depression, just as he started training. because it was when he really discovered that he couldn’t please everybody, something that he’d strived to do his whole life. 

he lacked a support system & didn’t have anyone really close to him to make the transition better, since his parents were back in florida and he could barely hold a conversation with his family in korea. this is a big reason he remained dependent on drinking especially, because it got him out of his funk and to temporarily forget about all that was going on.

because of it, daein started getting less sleep, eating less, and all that. gold star noticed it really soon and got him in touch with a psychiatrist, which, eventually diagnosed him with depression. but it’s not something he goes around telling everyone, he has some evident signs but he probably wouldn’t openly tell more than a couple really close & trusted friends. but gold star has been monitoring his mental health to make sure he’s okay mentally. he takes medication but?? it doesn’t do him much good but they’re always hounding him about it so 

like i said though, he’s a very independent person so he doesn’t like to feel like he’s a burden, which is why he doesn’t want others to know because he feels like they’re gonna pity him!!

tw: depression and light substance abuse! - end

bc of his more tan skin (back in the day from florida, not really anymore) and broken korean, he felt like a foreigner, but also people would mistake him for having korean nationality whenever they would talk to him. so he felt like he couldn’t really fit either mold, because he was out of place in korea and florida. but!! i digress

he felt like he was kind of thrust into who’s next: origin story because by the time it started he had only been a trainee for...4 months?? like it’s crazy & he clearly wasn’t ready, a major reason for him being on the losing end, but he had the loveable foreigner thing going on so he did get a good fanbase!! even though he was criticized for his short training period

i doubt he was a favorite among the trainees because he’s REEEEEALLY introverted,,, especially in social situations where he’s not the most comfortable with people in so i don’t think he was super talkative.

 a big reason he has trouble on variety shows now!! it’s not that he doesn’t like but they’ve kind of turned it into a “mysterious” thing, which is fine to him if it mean he doesn’t have to talk as much

also he hated it because he constantly had to dodge staff & other trainees whenever he wanted to drink or smoke so he was probably always trying to find a way to sneak out when they had any kind of free time

he got a lotlotlot better at singing during training though, though they’re kind of forcing an unnatural tone for his voice which is making him strain and can’t be good for him in the long run but marketing!! so. anyways he loves singing a lot more than he did before, he’d always expected to be just a dancer but they unleashed his potential so!! that’s one thing he really enjoyed about training

basically he’s been marketed as the “sexy foreigner” and he kinda hates it ngl. because while he never was attached to his korean identity, the more he’s been here the more he’s just wanted to be the same as everybody else?? so that’s not helping with anything. he’s always kind of laughed at for being clueless when a joke flies over his head, made to say things in english ALL THE TIME, just all that. it really gets on his nerves bc nowadays he just wants to blend in and they’re not making it any better!!!

it may sound confusing but basically: as a teen he rejected his korean identity to blend in with everyone in florida, now he’s in korea and wants to be known as less of an american to blend it. it all comes down to him wanting to be like everyone else is nearly every aspect!! 

since he feels like he cheated & got to debut way too easy than some others, he’s been trying to develop his creative and performance skills so he can get more credit and make a name for himself due to his actual abilities rather than just,, him being american lmao!! also trying super super hard to get as good as he can at korean

tw: drug and alcohol addiction!

he still has some trouble getting around & he still feels lost, but he’s trying his best. struggling through his alcohol addiction, which bc is mildly aware about but really trying to keep quiet and he’s been on the verge of leaving more than a few times. but as quiet as he is about it, he really relies on his members a lot to keep himself afloat!! so he appreciates them putting through his shit a lot of the time more than he'll admit.

 tw: drug and alcohol addiction! - end

but rn he’s getting better, slightly, focusing more of his energy into music than anything. he really wants to get into the songwriting industry to get a name for himself on his own instead of just being known for impulse!!

just  as a fyi since it’s a bit confusing his birth name is daein, he went by devin when he lived in america, but he goes by daein again now that he’s in korea, but his stage name is still devin and that’s what his friends from america call him. he prefers to be called daein nowadays, though, so that’s probably the safest best!

also this has not been short at all but anyways

hawaii plots!

he likes to drink & get high way too much and what better place than to do that then on vacation?? he’s been trying to stop, but look, it’s vacation and he’s unwinding and if your muse is down they can both have fun!!

such. an. introvert. even more than micha, because 80% of his interactions by choice come from his group?? but i would love to get him some new friends (especially since he literally has none right now lol)

he’s a bit of a hoe ngl so!! hookups are accepted, that’s the one time he’s not afraid of striking up conversation!!

he’s in the red team so like micha, if you’re members in the red team he could use some buddies to be with!!

someone to explore the island with during the night!

general plots!

he lives in an apartment my himself atm, but a roommate would be lovely!! he needs someone to put him out of his funk, anyways. 

drinking buddies ofc

trainee friends? someone who wasn’t put off by him being super quiet and befriended it and he’s super grateful nowadays? 

give me all the angst & romance because he’s a handful, seriously, phew

besties!! someone that makes him soft and happy bc there are few people who make him super happy & excited, so someone fill in the gap!

[maevelin]

I think they are trying to paint Dany with dark colors though. The 'Jon's war' and who manipulated who definitely shows how Dany doesn't care for humanity I think. She only cares for what she wants which is the throne. And Jon maybe. At least she did before she knew who he was and we all saw how she reacted and which are her true priorities.

I don’t doubt that the writers love controversy and some of the questionable parts of Daenerys’ character are intentionally given in an attempt to make her a more layered character. If that is something successful or not is another discussion all together. But at the same time I feel that with certain characters fans are ready to tear them down at once without giving to them the same leniency -or at least the same benefit of the doubt- they give to others for the exact same mentality and actions. It can be jarring really.

It is a fact that Daenerys is very focused on the Iron Throne to a degree that many times everything but that is just noise for her. There are times that others would say good morning to her and she would reply with something of the sort: bend the knee the Iron Throne is mine lol.

But it is far fetched I think to condemn her as if she is at a point where she doesn’t care for humanity. 

The truth is somewhere in the middle I feel. She wants the Throne and she wants to help people. If she can combine those things even better. She still has set certain priorities for herself that have always been the core of who she is ever since she was born. You take that away from her and you leave her with a life without purpose or a life wasted so far. It is integrated into her conscious and subconscious parts now.

When Jon originally went to her he indeed went with ‘his war’. This has left a lasting impression and is intertwined in her mind with Jon’s identity too. But from the moment Viserion died you can tell that this became also personal for Daenerys and her intentions include wanting to help people. She even passed the point of asking Jon anything in return when she decided to face the Night King head on too. In return Jon bent the knee on his own accord for whatever his reasons may have been. And I think the fact that she still prioritizes the Throne between everything else is a testament of how this has been what her whole life has always been about. Not just for her but for everyone around her, for her allies, her family, her enemies. This is influencing every decision she is making but also her thought process too. 

And if we are being honest here many people still do it too. Sansa for example not even for a second has she let go the political game. She is as concerned with the North as Daenerys is with the restoration of the Targaryen rule. Sansa knows too that humanity is at stake, she knows too the dead are coming and yet in her immediate priorities is the independence of the North and the political game and how all this is connected with the Iron Throne. Sometimes she too seems more absorbed by this rather than the immediate apocalypse they are facing. However her drive on this is commendable and a sign of high intelligence while in Daenerys’ case is something else entirely.

And this kind of mentality exists in many characters in different ways really as they are now shaped in the players they are that continuously play the game of thrones. It is in their nature now and there are always hidden agendas and motives behind every honest interaction too. At least if not for all then surely for most characters that are in the position to actually play the game effectively. Sansa and Daenerys are such people.

In that moment with Sansa I think that Daenerys was trying to reach out and make herself seem more approachable and she believed that for a girl like Sansa it would be enough if she would give her a more sweetly span picture (and intentionally a bit naive too) and even a more honest up to a degree. Let us not forget that Daenerys is also a young woman that has a crush too. So she tries to romanticize the hell out of this too. And up to a degree I felt that Daenerys also believed the things she was saying to be true(-ish) but she gave a slight altered presentation of the truth so to bring Sansa to her side. They are still trying to play the game. That never ends. So this has also been a bit manipulative from Daenerys’ side. She actually thought that this would work and it would be enough to both break the ice and steer Sansa to the direction she wanted. The fact that we know how intelligent Sansa truly does not mean that this is a knowledge well earned by all the characters. Daenerys is just getting a taste. 

They are both navigating the waters and try to establish their authority around each other. Daenerys wanted to win Sansa over as a simple girl giving her the same in return so for them to communicate us women underneath their titles and reputations and then she hoped to make the transition to the rest areas without Sansa realizing it. The thing is that it was also awkward because aside from this being a miscalculation from Daenerys’ part (not as an intention but in the way she choose to do it) and Sansa putting up negative walls from the start Daenerys never in her life socially interacted with this kind of nobility (or with anyone really except from her brother and those that only saw them as pawns they could use or should destroy). Daenerys doesn’t actually know how to make it natural. Maybe kid Sansa would be delighted to be treated like this but adult Sansa is in another league all together. Daenerys so far only knew how to approach her opponents with strength and the kind of a regal attitude a conqueror has and not as a High born lady of this kind of society. Daenerys does not know how to play this kind of game where now Sansa excels in it. Daenerys so far has only been ‘fire and blood’ and what she could not bend or break she made it bow one way or another which she does not want to do here with Sansa. So where does that leave her? 

In a way Daenerys was also trying to undermine Sansa too by acting like this. To make a friend out of Sansa by dealing with her with all matters that are not political but fawning girls at court would love. Weirdly enough a long time ago that would have been Sansa’s dream. Now she knows better. But Daenerys couldn’t have possibly know this. Putting aside the praise she gave to Sansa and her power she has not experienced first hand. She has seen the proper and proud even Lady of Winterfell that deals with all the practicalities of running a castle and she has known up to an extent the concept of Sansa that Jon has in his mind (and we have seen that he too underestimates and is not overly comfortable with Sansa’s intellect) and what Jon has shared with her but in reality the cunning nature Sansa possesses is not something Daenerys could see coming in the way  Tyrion has seen for example. People always underestimate Sansa Stark. Even the smartest of players like Olenna and Varys and even Littlefinger in the end. It is their most fatal mistake. And I don’t think Daenerys will be repeating that one any time soon.

And I think that in that moment in general Daenerys was trying to turn the tide and win Sansa over presenting a certain ‘saccharine’ personality for her and acting as the ‘victim’ too of sorts to gather sympathy and despite the fact that she was overselling it if I am being honest when I was watching back then and I was thinking…’girl no…just no…you are smart but you are not THAT smart…not when it comes to Sansa.’ A no bullshit approach would have worked much better. After all Daenerys hasn’t got herself in the place she is now by playing soft ball. 

My point in all this is that the game never stops. Not even for a second. Everyone is trying to manipulate and even lie with the truth. Daenerys is not an exception and maybe she is occasionally wearing blinders to make herself feel better but she is not oblivious and she is certain not at the point of being inhuman.

And in the end of the day I think that if Daenerys was not there to help people then after Jon’s revelation, after the treatment of the Northerners, after Sansa’s presence and most importantly after learning Cersei’s actions that could very well cost her the Iron Throne she would have bailed. If that was her character and if she was as dark as people try to make her seem then she would act accordingly...only…she doesn’t.