#04272020

[silentvirgoj]

sexmania

I’m not sure what there is to fix, it’s simply just not the right parts. Nothing seems broken. If the groves from manufacture don’t match the add-ons, then what makes sense is that piece isn’t meant for the additions? It needs… something else? I suppose you can keep using energy and time to make something fit, make it work. But something tells me, it will always keep slipping and will continually need analyzing and further realizing the same revelation.

Sex, for me, is liberating. It’s something I am comfortable with, experienced with, and the act of cumming I am quite fond of. The thought of actual engagement of sex, does not necessarily always excite me. Sure, at times, but that need can be met so quickly and easily with a tool, and without emotional attachments if it were to be another person, the time and care those people do deserve. I could see myself, in the long run, being asexual. Sex is hot. I like getting dressed up. Even a little role-play and story-telling. I am attracted very much to any gender, I watch porn almost everyday and I cum almost every day. I don’t think that will change. However, needing to play a game every day with my partner of who we can get to fuck me, surprise me, get drilled by another dick, making websites and wearing outfits every day, and then to buying a phone to start making these fantasies a reality. I am starting to feel like a fraud. I am starting to feel overwhelmed. How much do you tell your partner that you’re into it, for their enjoyment, before everything is for their enjoyment and you have left yourself with no space? I want to make the people I love so happy, that I would do anything, even if it were a charade on how far I would go sexually for them. It’s not that I wouldn’t have sex with another man for him, or another women. It’s just the frequency that scares me. If the rate at which we talk about it became the rate that we actually participated in it.. I don’t think I’d ever let it get that far. 

I think about how I see other people procrastinate in things I could never, and yet, I am realizing, no matter how prompt I am, the one thing I will always put off is the most important, which is myself and how I feel. I will tolerate something in my life until the very last moment I can’t, and it blows up. I blow up. And I lose it and I run, because so much damage has been done.

I want to cry thinking about it. I thought my life changed a year ago when I met my partner. I started out being exactly who I was. But little by little, I caught myself doing what he wanted, because he likes control and I like to give it. 

If this relationship doesn’t work out, I feel like I can’t believe one will. I have lost a general hope for multiple connections with one person.

To note, my partner and I connect on… sex (but not necessarily our sex appetite), most values (like being a good person, having integrity in your work and relationship, being thoughtful in a relationship, doing whatever you need to for them, giving them what they want, and our creativity. I have to say that is the extent.. and they are all great things. 

I give Dan anything he wants. Anything. Even when I have sworn I never would, he somehow convinces me out of it, then I convince myself, too. God, I convince myself often. 

And we are back to what I had learned a long time ago, maybe dating back to high school. “Your self is always at fault”. Because you can blame the other person all day, but really any person, or I, am responsible for the things I say, how I behave, react, talk, what I do, how I do it. Every person has to take ownership for where they are in their lives.

I can’t begin to express what Dan has given to me, or what he has sacrificed so that I could be happy and taken care of. It is in his blood to care, just as much as it is to control. I am not speaking of “controlling” as a bad trait, because there are the positive ways he applies it, such as knowing that every persons in his personal life like kids, are accounted for, and all of his work people have clear expectations, and so do I.

I am privileged, I truly am. I am supported. I have freedoms that I always had dreamed of. I also realize the freedoms I have lost. This is a factual statement. I can now go to the store and buy whatever and however many groceries I want. When I want to try a recipe, I can. I can buy a coffee every day and not flinch. I can buy gifts for people or myself. There are no financial worries. I am financially pleasant. I am financially free. I am not, however, free to go climb a mountain whenever I want to. Or go hang out with a guy who yes I might find attractive and might have a small crush on but really hanging out with people in general is a way of discovering who you are in this life, by connection. I miss learning and randomly putting myself through school or different platforms of education. I use to put  myself through a lot, on a whim. And who I am today is so great because of it. I don’t know who I am now. It’s not that important to know anyway… 

I really love Dan because he pushes me to do things that I normally and lazily wouldn’t do. He talks me up, he tells me to “just do it” in a sense. He shows me how important it is to be kind to everyone, to not judge everything at first. Mostly business things. He judges a lot of things, like health, nutrition, fitness, disregards nature and planet Earth, he doesn’t like to think of himself as an artist… all things that make my heart soar, that make me who I am.

But I am getting side tracked. I am just feeling a huge disconnect because our relationship right now is super over sexualized and I don’t feel the same but I am saying I do and at first I thought it made sense to but now it’s showing how serious Dan is about all the things we talk about and I could be ostracizing it in my head because the rate at which we are doing things are high because he’s not here and he is very unhappy with where he currently is and this set up has him finding release but I wish we could find another kind of release because this isn’t natural to me and just feels like a giant distraction for him and sometimes people just need to “go through what the go through” and stop running and feel it and change what they feel like, instead of drowning it out with porn links and sexy outfits and my cumming. SIGH.

[fuckyeahdawn]

04.27.2020 hyojong_1994 Instagram update

[only-khimmayy]

Forget the wine glass 🍷 give me the damn bottle🍾🤪 (Yael’s facial espression😂) #winenot🍷 #lateupload✌ #04272020 #cheerstolife #selfcareisimportant 😂 (at Homer, Alaska) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_wjkkKnMrBimLYfnmjytKReoPs2shXT35BM4U0/?igshid=19p0so11zd3lz

[rawunfilteredsane]

27 April 2020

(Np: Taylor Swift - Everything Has Changed)

My mind went blank. 

Excited pa naman ako magsulat gamit tong laptop tapos wala di ko alam ano isusulat.

Gusto ko sumigaw, ng hindi ko alam. Hay jusko.

(Np: Colbie Caillat - Realize)

Diba, isang buong kanta tapos yan lang natype ko. Hehe

Lakas maka HS days netong radio sa Spotify. 

Anyways, ayun nga. Gusto ko sumigaw. Ano ba magandang isigaw.

Hindi ako galit, pero parang may something sa dibdib ko na hindi ko maintindihan. Hindi siya mabigat, hindi siya magaan, pero hindi dapat siya nandiyan. Ganon yung feeling. ANO BA TO.

I feel so matamlay today. As in sagad sa tamlay.

 (Np: Austin Mahone - All I Ever Need)

“You’re all I ever need, baby you’re amazing. You’re my angel come and save me.”

Minsan parang ang sarap ma broken hearted no. Tapos pag andun ka na sa moment na yun sobrang ayaw mo na yung feeling. Yung sobrang tinatadtad yung utak mo saka yung puso mo ng lungkot. Yung wala ka na mai’iyak. Yung hindi mo na alam pano patatahanin sarili mo kasi ang dami mong tanong na hindi naman masasagot. I hate being broken hearted, but the idea seems to feel good... somehow?

(Np: Maroon 5 - Sad)

So I played Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift and played the radio based on that song. And now look at what we got here. Lol.

Am I sad? Di ko sure. Parang ganto yung mood ko nung New Year. I wasn’t sad, but I’m not happy either. I’m not even a bit excited. My New Year 2020 was blank as f*ck.

Ngayon parang gusto ko nalang na wala ako masyadong pake sa mga bagay bagay. Parang let it be nalang. Less things to think about.

(Np: Taylor Swift - Enchanted)

This lockdown, ewan ko sakto lang. Well, like most of us, excited din ako na ma-lift yung lockdown last April 13. Hanggang sa na extend ng April 30, still excited pa din ako. Tapos nung naging May 15 na, I’m just like eh it’ll be over when it’s really over, why wait. Sobrang nakaka dismaya na mag countdown, lol. 

As much as I wanna be home with my love, parang pinapalungkot ko lang sarili ko everytime I countdown and it freakin extends. Kaya wag nalang, okay Covid? If you wanna do your thing and continue gallivanting with the Filipino people, nyeta ka manawa ka. Basta ako nasa bahay lang ako, chillin’ lang.

OKAY THAT’S ALL. Let us not spread too much of the negative emotion.

[dongengandromeda]

Ibu (tak) Sempurna

Satu hari di Januari Seorang wanita yang jauh dari baik Menggendongmu penuh harap, rasa berdosa, namun cemas Wanita itu tak tahu lagi harus bagaimana Sampai pada suatu ketika Satu kalimat sangat mengusik wanita itu dan membuatnya sangat rapuh “Andromeda seperti ini karena kamu. Kamu harus merubah sikapmu jika kamu ingin dia sembuh” Wanita itu rapuh dan semakin rapuh Kenapa dia dipilih menjadi seorang ibu jika pada akhirnya dia lah penyebab galaxy nya menderita? Wahai galaxy ku, ibun mungkin memang bukan ibu yang sempurna atau bahkan hanya sekedar menjadi ibu yang baik saja tidak. Ibun selalu mencari cara agar memberimu yang terbaik walaupun terkesan keras kepala Ibun selalu takut, Ibun mengecewakanmu Ibun selalu ingin jadi yang bisa kau banggakan kelak, walaupun tak ada satupun dari diri ibun yang bisa dibanggakan Wahai anakku, ketahuilah bahwa ibun mencintaimu dengan sepenuh jiwa raga ibun Wahai galaxy ku, tumbuhlah menjadi laki-laki yang menghargai wanita. Peluklah dia, rangkulah dia, banjiri dengan perhatian. Kesampingkan egomu demi dia. Jadilah lelaki yang hangat, jadilah rumah yang nyaman bagi wanita. Jika suatu saat kamu telah menikah, pertimbangkanlah perasaan istrimu sebelum kamu berucap atau memutuskan sesuatu. Ajak dan dampingi istrimu untuk belajar, bersama-samalah belajar. Hargai setiap tetes usahanya walaupun bagimu atau bagi banyak orang usahanya tak membuahkan apa-apa namun hargai tetes keringat dan pikirannya. Muliakanlah dia, tegurlah ibun jika memang ibun salah. Karena kau tetap lelaki paling berharga bagi ibun, bersikaplah bagaI berlian yang berharga dengan menghargai orang lain pula. Lelaki yang dididik secara baik adalah lelaki yang bisa memuliakan dan menghargai wanita.

Ibun - 04272020

[dxvinechaos]

judy hopps / sidney

judy hopps :: who would your muse partner up with to solve a crime?

Chano. He’s probably one of Sid’s closest friends and he has a habit of dragging the guy along on shenanigans often anyway. Who better to solve a crime with than his partner in crime?

[austin-ownsthishole]

04272020

[snapthistiger]

exercise 04272020

4 x 20 decline push ups

2 x 20 sit ups

bike ride around town and to the park and back

ok day working from home / slow morning / busy afternoon

roses are looking fabulous.  i wish i could post the rose’s smell through the internet..

[ourlittlethings15]

Trong một giai đoạn nào đó của cuộc đời, một mối lương duyên kì lạ có thể xuất hiện. Không tham lam cưỡng cầu một mối quan hệ lâu dài mãi mãi, nhưng chí ít là ngay đoạn thời gian đó, chúng ta được bên nhau, cùng dốc cạn dũng khí đối mặt với giông bão ngoài kia chỉ để bảo vệ chấp niệm của riêng mình. Thế thì nếu trôi qua rồi, có ti��c không?

Câu trả lời là “Không! Không hề”.

#04272020 #Florida

[kimichan09]

04272020

Dinner

A bowl of rice and sauteed giniling with spicy vinegar then blueberry cake for dessert

[voicedictionary]

salon 04/27/2020 GFX Definition of the Day

http://vd.letsgetwordy.com/2020/04/salon-04272020-gfx-definition-of-day.html

[mybuddyjimmy]

The Gospel Road – 04272020 Psalm 73

[crossfitnoboundaries]

Not to get too high school science class on you, but if you turn your textbooks to page 140 you’ll find Newton’s first law of motion. You probably remember this one as something along the lines of “an object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion will stay in motion, unless acted on by an external force.” That’s probably a good one to remember for trivia night, but I’m convinced it’s true of human behavior, not just physics. Behavior tends to maintain its trajectory. This is true on a larger scale (eating and exercise habits, for examp...

[chriseoffutt]

Toughts Explored

We discuss accepting people for who they are are and where they ar at in their journey. We go deep!

http://archive.org/download/thoughts-explored-04272020/Thoughts%20Explored%2004272020.mp3

[asfeedin]

Monday Early Bird Book Releases – 04-27-2020

HAPPY MONDAY & HAPPY EARLY BIRDS list! Though this one is pretty short today, but that’s okay, ’cause the ones that did go live sound pretty great to me!! Like that one there to the left.  And I’ll keep an eye out for more and add them as I see them.

“Three Things”:

1.) I watched Jumanji: The Next Level on Saturday and it made me laugh so hard. Cute story, crazy edge-of-your-seat situations that… of course you know they’re gonna get out of, but things get dicey. Oh that is… unless they “die” but they have three lives so you know they’re coming back. Hilarious and fun and sweet!!

2.) My vegetable subscription company (Misfits) has started sending pretty awesome reusable ice packs in their boxes. Well, they’ve always done that, but this time, the ice packs have plant food inside!! Nitrogen-based, and I fed my Peace Lily with one last time, and I swear she looks amazing right now! I love when everything can be recycled or reused (and this use is amazing). Very cool indeed!

3.) I went crazy for “Final Serenade” and I miss those characters all so much. I REALLY got attached, and I think it’s because 1.) It read so well – flowed perfectly and had that real feel. And 2.) Because I was always in her head, I BECAME HER and I can’t wait for #2 to be released so I can get back to my book life. I mean hers. LOL!!! My review to come next.

P.S. JUST A FEW DAYS LEFT TO GET IN ON THIS!! ➔➔➔ TWO MONTHS FREE KINDLE UNLIMITED DEAL!!! <— If you haven’t tried it yet, now’s your chance. WE ARE LOVING IT! And it’s still going on through the end of April!

LOOK WHAT JUST WENT LIVE  !!!

Lovewrecked by Karina Halle <— Karina Halle ALERT!! OMG I LOVE THE SOUND OF THIS!!! The grumpy groomsman & the Raif of honor and they’re shipwrecked together!! “…As if being part of the wedding party with Tai wasn’t bad enough, Daisy’s bad luck soon resurfaces when she ends up on a cramped sailboat with Tai and the newlyweds. Which then shipwrecks on a deserted island near Fiji. Okay, so they aren’t completely alone. There’s an oddball research scientist who has been isolated for far too long, they have rundown bungalows as shelter, stores of water and canned food, plus a feral goat named Wilson. It’s Lost…without the smoke monster. But with rescue weeks away, Tai and Daisy realize the only way they’re going to get through this mess is to stop fighting and start working together...”

Why I Still Hate You (So Crazy, It’s Messed Up Book 1) by Monica Bolt <— OOOOOPS with her bully!!! “...Grayson Anderson is the reason why I’m holding a pregnancy test in my hands. How could I have been so stupid? The guy bullied and tormented me for years in high school. Then ten years later, I just… fall into his bed? In my defense, I was wasted...”

Torrid Love: Friends to Lovers Romance (Bad Boy Studs Book 1) by Scarlett Avery

Almost Perfect by Dawn Doyle

Still Love You by Ella Goode <— MARITAL STRIFE ALERT!! “…Abigail Weathers loves her husband so much that she’s kept something hidden for years—contact with her troublesome brother. Her brother has been an albatross around her neck for years but he’s her only living kin and every time he contacts her for money, she gives it. Only this time she has to pawn something very dear to her heart and she’s worried that it’ll cost her the one thing she loves—her husband…”

Easy Risk: A Boudreaux Universe Novel by Bethany Lopez <— SHE’S BEEN WARNED OFF THE COP... “…Alicia loves her life. Ever since she moved to New Orleans from Michigan, she’s been accepted for who she is and is thriving in The Big Easy. She’s open to love, although not actively looking for it, so when her best friend and roommate asks her to steer clear of Doobie romantically, she readily agrees. After all, she’s never even met him…“

Shadow Man (The Grayson Duet Book 1) by Catherine Wiltcher

Gut-Checked (Messy Hearts Book 3) by Charity Parkerson

Rock-A-Bye Baby by Debbie Macomber

Finding the Rhythm (Keeping the Beat Book 1) by Leigh Louden <— SHE JUST JOINED THEIR BAND… “...Ally’s determined to keep things professional and make a real go of things in her new band. But now it’s just her, and her three band mates as they head off on a UK tour. Even with Vinny looking at her like he does, keeping their no fraternisation rule shouldn’t be that hard, should it?”

PREORDERS (going live soon!!! )

➔➔➔  Get Maryse’s Book Blog updates delivered by email (you’ll get one daily email that will have each post from that day consolidated on it).

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Tags: 04272020, Bird, Book, early, Monday, Releases

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[austin-ownsthishole]

🍑🍑🍑

04272020