#100% pasted this in a friend's twitch chat when i thought i had something else copied to the clipboard btw

[coughsyrep]

Dying (For You to Love Me)

Alternate Ending: The Five Stages

Summary: "...she feels her throat tickle. She absentmindedly coughs, expecting that to be the end of that, but the feeling persists, and she coughs harder. Suddenly she sits up, feeling like she was choking. She thumped a fist on her chest several times before she feels something flit past her lips. She takes a deep breath, wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes before looking down. A large, light pink petal sat on the floor in front of her."

Chapter One is based around requited love.

Chapter Two is an alternate ending based on if the love wasn't returned, and focuses on the Dimitrescu family and their dynamic rather than a romantic relationship.

2797 Words

Link to AO3 if you prefer that format:

Dying (For You to Love Me) - Chapter 2 - traviswrites - Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse) [Archive of Our Own]

If you'd prefer to read it here:

Denial

Daniela won’t die. She won’t die, because the maid will fall in love with her, and it’ll be one of the fairy tales that she’s always dreamed of. At least, her mother and sisters want to believe this, because it has to be true. Right?

Anger

Daniela gasps when the bullet forces its way through her chest, the flies that it pierced dropping to the ground. The only thing stopping the momentum of the bullet were the now impenetrable vines that made her every breath painful, not even the force of the attack able the severe the intertwining monstrosity. She collapses onto her knees, though the sound not as loud as the man’s when it thuds onto the ground, his neck at an unnatural angle. Both her middle sister and her Floare stare at her with wide eyes, the latter taking tentative steps before kneeling next to her, arms wrapping around her as Daniela falls forward.

“Draga mea,” she whispers, gasping for breath as one lung collapses around the plants, leaving no room for air. “I love you, draga mea, with all that I am. No story could…” She wheezes, a petal falling from her lips as she shudders, “…could compare to ours.”

“My lady,” Floare whispers, pulling her closer, trying to show her comfort in what she knew would be her final moments.

“I don’t want to die,” she whimpers, voice cracking as she begins to dissolve to dust. “I don’t… but for you, I…” A final sigh left her lips as she crumbled on Floare’s lap, dust already sticking to the black cloth of her maid outfit. The quiet moment didn’t last though, as a growl from behind her made Florae’s head spin. Cassandra’s lips were turned to a snarl, the makeup around her eyes stained down her cheeks.

“This is your fault!” The cold metal slashed at her before she could react, one eye immediately perforated while the rest of her skin was separated in two. Cassandra grins at the scream that’s releases, grabbing the hands that cover her eye and licking the blood as it trickles towards her chin. “Average at best,” she growls as she throws her down, wiping her lips with her sleeve. “Why her love for you led to her death makes no sense. But make no mistake,” she slashes at the cowering girl again, this time catching her arm and pulling her along, a straight path to her mother’s room, “it shall lead to yours as well.”

-

-

Floare never made it to the basement. She instead stayed in Lady Dimitrescu’s bedroom, hung from the ceiling or chained to the floor. Either way, she was never without hooks dug into her skin, keeping her prisoner as the daughters or the matriarch herself came in to toy with her, the wounds they left always tended to so she’d be forced to continue living. The deep gashes were stitched, the burns had salves applied, the punctures were wrapped and bandages changed frequently. The three surviving Dimitrescu members promised that Floare would survive as long as Daniela had, if not longer.

It was the second night of the third week, and she was trying not to whimper as the matriarch slept, knowing she’d only receive punishment for waking her up. But Bela had been ruthless that day, having to go into Daniela’s room to find a notebook that her sister had stolen as a prank before she had gotten sick. She came in enraged, holding a jar of wilted flower petals.

"You still claim innocence?” She says calmly, yet the fire in her eyes and the bloody knife in her hand said differently. “You act like you have no fault?”

“I’ve done nothing!” Floare cried out, hyperventilating when she watches Bela walk to the fireplace again, holding the knife over the flame until it burned red.

“You’ve done everything,” she hissed, relishing in the agonizing scream as she presses the blade to Floare’s hip, her other hand holding her so she couldn’t escape the pain. “You killed her.”

A phone ringing in the other room makes her gasp, along with making her lady sit up straight. After a tense moment her lady sighs, rubbing her eyes as she swings her feet off the bed, beginning to walk towards the door before pausing to look at Floare. Despite trying to make herself small, her lady smiles, walking back towards a lever beside her bed, placing a hand on it.

“I’m not sure if I trust you enough to stay on the ground while I take this call,” she says thoughtfully, though her smirk is malicious. “Perhaps I should take an extra precaution.” Floare’s heartrate spikes at the words, the hooks in her Achilles’ tendons making themselves known.

“Please, my lady, I…”

“Oh, speaking out of turn?” She tuts, shaking her head. “Now I know you won’t be a good girl.” With that she pulls the lever, and Floare’s cries of fear turn to screams of pain as she’s lifted by her feet, head already dizzy from the blood rushing towards it. She hears her lady speaking but can’t decipher it, her pleads not stopping even after the door closes and she’s alone.

With each moment that passes she feels her skin rip slightly more, the tears running up her forehead slowing as she begins to lose consciousness until a snap of ligament and tear of skin is heard, and one leg dangles freely. Mere seconds after the other does the same, and she free falls, landing on her head. Alcina hears the snapping of bones from her room, but only nods at her daughters to go check on it, only stopping her call with Mother Miranda when she hears their screams of anger.

When she walks in, she finds the maid dead.

-

-

Bargaining

Without the laughter of the youngest or the sounds of pain from the maid, the castle was too quiet. Alcina and her daughters rarely spent time together anymore, all throwing themselves into their work and trying not to… think. And when Donna first came and saw the condition of the family, she had a proposition.

“See her again?” Cassandra asks, immediately on edge. “What does that mean?”

“It won’t be forever,” she says quietly, holding an oddly obedient Angie in her arms, “but it will be similar to having her back.”

“But it’s not truly her?” Donna nods at Alcina, who lowers her head. “So then what’s the point?”

“Some see it as… cathartic.” She shrugs, holding Angie closer to her. “To be able to talk to a loved one who is gone. I thought I’d offer.” The three Dimitrescu women are silent, each trying to imagine what it’d be like to talk to Daniela again before Bela steps forwards, her hands behind her back.

“I’d like to see her,” she says, voice wavering despite her confident façade. “I’d like to see her again.”

“Me too,” Cassandra jumps in immediately after, going to stand by her sister. “Just… yeah.” Donna’s veil turns to Alcina, who only pauses for a moment before nodding. Donna breathes out, breath caught by the veil but yellow pollen escaping through the edges. The three fight their urge to hold their breath, knowing the effects it could have, but after a minute they hear a vase tip over behind them. The all quickly turn to see a familiar red head, looking at them sheepishly as she fakes her innocence.

“Dani,” Bela whispers, walking over to her and tentatively putting a hand on her shoulder. Upon feeling that her touch was real, she pulled her into a hug, one that Daniela immediately nuzzled into. Despite Cassandra’s usual cold demeanor and dislike of touch, she too swarmed to join the hug, all three of their flies buzzing excitedly at being reunited. It was when Alcina stood that the three broke apart, though Bela and Cassandra stood protectively by her side as she made her way over, kneeling in front of the youngest and caressing her face.

“I’ve missed you, my darling,” she says gently, eyes watering at the sight of her youngest happily nuzzling into her palm.

“Mamă,” she purrs happily before freezing, eyes glancing back to the vase that she broke when she had gotten there. Her mother chuckles, scratching gently on the shaved side of her head.

“Don’t worry about that right now, darling. Nobody’s mad at you.”

“We just miss you,” Bela says quietly, taking her hand, and Cassandra nods beside her. “We’re happy you’re here again.” From behind them Donna’s breathing becomes harsher, less pollen coming out with each one.

“You… you all still love me?” Alcina nods, leaning down and kissing the tattoo on her forehead.

“We could never stop, my darling.” The three surviving Dimitrescu can’t help but smile at the glow that Daniela emanates at the statement, the familiar giggle hitting all of them hard.

“Alcina…” Donna wheezes, and she looks back to see Donna clutching her chest, Angie sitting beside her. She furrows her brows at the woman, shaking her head.

“Can you not wait another moment? I’m trying to-”

“Mamă!” She turns at Bela’s voice and sees Daniela flicker, but despite the show that she’s just an illusion she can’t feel like she’s losing her daughter again.

“Daniela, not yet, please…” But with a serene smile, Daniela dissipates before their eyes. A tense silence fills the air as Alcina stands, glaring over her shoulder at Donna.

“Out.” She watches as the woman pauses before extending her claws, swirling on a heel. “I said out!” As she watches the woman in the veil make her leave, she hears her daughters fly away as well. With a glance back at the vase she sighs, rubbing her temple before making her way to the cellar.

Depression

Alcina doesn’t remember the last time she has drank this much. It was becoming a problem, as with Cassandra’s growing anger there was a lack of blood supply, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. She left her daughters to her own devices, as long as she didn’t have to have a sober thought. As long as she didn’t have to think of how she was a bad enough mother to lose Daniela, a bad enough mother to let her daughters fall to the states that they were now in.

The necessary paperwork for the wine company was piling up, as Bela found herself having trouble reading past a page before losing her concentration. The same applied to everything in her life, in fact. Music, which had once been something she turned to when stressed, now seemed like a chore. Studying for fun was once a past time for her, learning anything she could, but now every new subject seemed to fly over her head. And reading? She couldn’t even step into their library, much less find a book.

And then Cassandra. She was angry before, but it was controlled. It was what made her a sadist; she could extend a person’s suffering, but now she couldn’t look at a person she was meant to torture without going for their jugular. They’ve always been understaffed due to her and her sisters, but now the castle was damn near empty. And the quiet made it so. Much. Worse. She was tempted to go out to the village on her own, the snow that covered the ground this time of year be damned.

And that was her plan. She made sure to wear her thinnest cloak, telling herself that if she couldn’t handle the cold then she didn’t deserve to live, when she smelled it. She took a deeper breath, course changed to another hall that she always associated with blood but never this kind. Lycan.

With her sickle pulled out she carefully stalked the halls, eyes darting back and forth until she reached a door she hadn’t seen in months. The emerald in the center had been freshly polished, and the door opened slightly. She growled at the sight, seeing red at the fact that someone dared to go into her sister’s room. When she kicked open the door, the maid screamed for less than a second before it turned to choked gurgles, her body slamming into the wall outside of the room, neck slit wide open. Cassandra glares at the corpse before the scent catches her attention again, and she eyes the bathroom.

With a raised sickle she wrenches open the half open door, noticing that all of the cabinets were open, one giving off the sickening stench. She crouches down, retching as she pulls out a collar before huffing as she reads “Puppy” written on a tag that dangled below it.

"Well if Mother won’t let me have a pet, I’ll just have to catch one myself!” Cassandra snorts, shaking her head.

“You’re never domesticating a Lycan, you know that.” Daniela pouts at her, crossing her arms.

“You’ll see! I’ll get it a collar and everything! Property of Daniela!” Cassandra hums, turning back to her sickle to end the conversation, ignoring when Daniela leaves with a huff.

She didn’t even realize she was laughing until her stomach hurt, doubled over as she clutched the collar tightly to her chest as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her laughs echoed down the hallways, catching her mother’s and sister’s attention, both of whom make their ways to her.

“Cass?” She looks up at Bela, hiccupping during her fit. “Cass, what’s going on?”

“She actually tried,” she giggled, holding up the collar, “she actually fucking tried!” Bela took it, holding the collar so that both her and her mother could see the tag, and after a moment their mother chuckles as well. The sisters both look up at her, the sound magical compared to the silence that they’ve heard since Donna’s trick.

“She was always the imaginative one,” Alcina says, shaking her head. “She probably would have, given more time…” The three pause at the statement, Alcina immediately regretting it until Bela took her hand.

“She always spoke about all of the books she would someday read as well,” she says, reminiscing on the memory. Cassandra nods, snorting as she drops her head.

“She once bet me a weeks’ worth of liver if she could read the entirety of Dracula in a day. Shouldn’t have underestimated her.”

“She only bet you a week? She bet me a month, same book!” The three laugh, Alcina gently taking the collar from Bela and sighing. She watches as her two eldest talk about Daniela, and wondering if, instead of the way they’ve been acting, there was another that would better honor her youngest?

Acceptance

“Do you not know what centered means?” Alcina shouts, the workers Heisenberg had lent her cowering as she walks to the center of the library. “I want it directly under the skylight, do I have to do this myself?” Without waiting for an answer she lifts the statue, carefully moving it until it’s to her liking, then backs up to admire it. “There. Now out, all of you.”

The workers scatter, leaving Alcina alone with the memorial of her youngest daughter. Her height is exaggerated, taller than her sisters though still shorter than Alcina, the marble made to look as soft as the fabric of the robes that had once graced her. Her arms were outstretched, hands flexed outwards, face tilted upwards and one leg kicked back as if she were preparing for a swan dive, a pose that Alcina saw fitting for her vibrant daughter. When the sculptor had asked if she wanted to add flowers, saying it added to memorial pieces, she immediately said no. Though Daniela would forever be one of her three roses, flowers had done enough. Besides, there was no need to add extravagance when Daniela was the subject.

“Mother?” She hums, looking back when she hears Bela and Cassandra fly in. They both look at her nervously, and she gives a tilt of her head. “We… there was one more thing, that we’d like to add?”

“Of course, my dear girls.” Bela gives Cassandra a reassuring nod. The middle child blows out a breath before stepping forwards, pulling Daniela’s necklace from behind her back. Alcina gasps, and Cassandra takes a step back, but her mother gives her a smile, nodding to the memorial.

The two eldest Dimitrescu women watch as Cassandra places and secures the necklace with shaky hands before falling back to the other side of her mother, all three standing in a line as they take her form in. Alcina places a hand on both of her daughters’ shoulders, nodding as she lets her tears fall freely.

And for the first time since they lost Daniela, the three feel like they can breathe again.

[nocturnal-dreams]

I Just Want It To Stop

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Pairing: Philza x GN!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: depression, cyberbullying

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You sighed staring at your monitor, your twitch chat going by fast on your other monitor, you could barely catch up with what everyone else was saying. You were playing minecraft with your friends Technoblade and Philza, you were the only one streaming so currently you had almost all of Techno’s and Phil’s viewers on your stream eager to see the boys. 

You had the blanket that was normally draped over your gaming chair wrapped around your shoulders with your knees tucked to your chest as you listened to the two ramble. You guy were just mindlessly strip mining in your shared hardcore world except the risks were even higher that even if only one of you guys died, then the entire game was over. 

Glancing at your basically empty glass of water next to you, you tried to think of an excuse to leave that wouldn’t make Phil worried. Sure you were greatful for Phil and how much he worried about you, he definitely cared more than most people you knew, but you also very almost guilty. The thought of messaging Kristen came to mind to tell her about your problems recently but Phil would definitely find out from her, you weren’t even sure how Techno would be able to answer or help you with your situation. 

Wilbur and Niki definitely did cross your mind but it was pushed aside, the same reason you didn’t want to tell Phil, you didn’t want to feel like a burden. 

You glanced at the time on the wall noticing it was getting pretty late, sure you didn’t exactly want to leave the call since Phil and Techno were being pretty funny and it was bringing a smile to your face but you were struggling to hold back the tears that were wanting to make themselves known. Thank god you didn’t have a facecam on this stream and your camera wasn’t turned on or else Phil, Techno, or even chat would wonder what was up.

“I think I’m gonna end the stream since it’s getting pretty late and I’m kind of tired,” you said quietly into your mic, your voice cracking slightly as you prayed Phil and Techno didn’t get suspicious of how quiet your voice was or your voice crack.

“Oh okay Y/N, take care of yourself, you know streaming is just something to do on the side, put yourself first,” you could sense Phil smiling like usual, Techno giving a casual goodnight as you ended the stream.

When you made sure you were 100 percent off the call and the stream was over, you hugged your knees closer to your chest and your head between your knees. You hiccuped with each sob, the hiccups almost more painful than the emotional pain you were feeling right now. It just didn’t feel like anything was going right, especially with some hate you were getting online was getting to you. 

The hate had started when you first joined the sleepy bois inc group, people getting mad saying you weren’t a guy or that you were splitting up the group. Phil had been the one to get on call with you telling you to not listen to what people were saying online and that a lot of the fans actually loved you but it didn’t help the comments that really got under your skin.

‘I’d rather Niki or Tubbo joined tbh’ ‘But it’s sleepy bois inc, not sleepy bois and Y/N inc’ ‘They aren’t even that funny’

Those were some that hurt the most, you had told Wilbur on call a few times how much you just wanted to quit streaming but Wilbur kept insisting you keep going, that you shouldn’t let the people online dictate how you feel, that you should let the people around you allow you to feel good, not some face behind a screen.

You slid out of your gaming chair uncomfortably and fell face first into your bed, a pile of blankets over your shoulders lighter than the amount of pain you felt as you cried into your pillow. Your body trembling with each tear that ran down your face, hiccuping quietly not wanting to alert your neighbors downstairs and have anyone see you in such a broken state.

You jumped at your phone buzzing beside you, the facetime caller idea lighting up your face inside the dark room as you read ‘Dadza <3′. You sighed knowing you couldn’t just hang up on Phil, that would worry him. You quickly tried to cover up that you had been crying, trying to steady your breathing before answering, Phil’s face appearing on your screen as you pointed your phone up at the ceiling to hide your tear stained face.

“Y/N you okay?” Phil asked on the other line, he seemed to be editing something as he was still sitting at his office, his microphone pushed to the side and his phone perked up so he could see you, only getting met with your ceiling, “I’m sorry, I just notice on call you didn’t sound okay and I got worried.”

You tried to let words slip past your tongue but all that did was a loud sob as you quietly cried trying to hide it but Phil definitely heard.

“Y/N let me see you, please, I’m worried,” you swallowed the large lump in your throat and picked up your phone pointing it towards your face. Phil’s face softened and his heart broken looking at your puffy red eyes from crying and your body shaking slowly as you tried to hide your sobs. “You okay mate? Do you wanna talk about it?” You quietly shook your head watching Phil’s full attention going away from editing and towards his phone where you were, “how about I’ll just talk with you before you go to sleep, I’m pretty sure its late where you are right now and I’d rather you get at least an hour of sleep, you seem overwhelmed-”

“I just want it to stop Phil,” you said, barely above a whisper but Phil heard, his eyes getting glossy just from hearing your broken voice, “everything hurts, I want to quit streaming, its doing more harm than good.”

“How about this,” your head perked up at Phil’s voice, “I’ll talk to Kristen and see about flying over to you to spend maybe a weekend or two, depending how much support you need right now, that’s the best I can do. When it comes to streaming, I know you aren’t gonna like this answer but I agree with you to a degree, maybe not quitting all together but taking a much needed break. If people want to be jerks about you needed a mental break than fuck them.”

You laughed quietly to yourself hearing Phil swear, he always managed to put a smile on your face even in your darkest moments, “I’d like that,” you rested your head on your palm, your tears finally starting to clear up as you curled up in your blankets.

“Until then, do you want me to stay on call with you until you sleep? I can even stay on when you go to sleep in case you wake up and need someone to talk to,” Phil smiled on the other line, the weight on your shoulders feeling like it had been lifted by dadza.

“I’d love that,” you smiled leaning back in your bed, your phone propped up on your beside table, you watched Phil grab his headphones so he could edit while you slept and he wouldn’t wake you up, “wait.”

Phil paused, he put his headphones down quietly, “yeah mate?”

“I love you dadza, thank you for putting up with me.” You smiled warmly.

“Of course kiddo,” and with that, you laid down in your bed, humming to yourself quietly to sleep, Phil still on call like a protective dad although you loved him for it.

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[mxvladdy]

Flutter

Fandom: Devil May Cry

Contains: pregnancy talk (kinda), angst, and drama

Pairing: Dante x GN!Reader

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy and a brief mention of terminating (like a sentence but still)

Back on my bullshit with the baby fics lol. I love the trope idk why.

Thump thump thump-thump thump thump

Dante stirs with a huff of annoyance, his ears twitch focusing on the insufferable rhythm that was stopping him from resting. It started a few hours ago. Nothing major, something he could definitely doze through. The slow irregular was almost calming, until it got louder. At first he had chalked it up to one of the many freaky experimental weapons dangling in Nico’s tiny workspace at the back of the crowded van. They tended to pop and hiss if some raw materials got too close. But it had picked up in the past hour, growing consistent and strong, really strong. Strong enough to make it hard to ignore. Dante cracks open a bloodshot eye looking around at the van’s occupants to find the culprit.

Nero sat oblivious to the world on the floor across from him leaning on the side of the van’s tire well. His eyes are shut, and his face relaxes as the adrenaline of the day finally starts to seep out of his system. He nods his head along to the tunes blasting out of the jukebox in the corner. He was oblivious to the accusatory glare of his uncle. Dante crosses the kid off as the likely suspect of his annoyance. Nero looked about ready to pass out, each bobble of his head becoming more erratic and jerky as sleep started to take over. He clearly wasn’t hearing this.

So, he turns to the front of the van to check on the others. The ladies were chatting idly in the front. Nothing super exciting gossip wise. The three of them were tossing little jabs at each other. Well, Lady and Trish were, Nico was hiding a smirk behind a freshly lit cigarette as the two grew heated. The three of them called it “friendly bitching” but he still wasn’t all that sure. Whenever Lady or Trish used that tone with him he was about to either get robbed eight ways to Sunday by one of them or his ass kicked. The two human women seemed oblivious to the noise...perhaps Trish heard it? Hmmm-nah. Trish didn’t seem to notice the steady thumping that had now become a hyper fixation to him.

Huffing the hunter settles back down in the couch cushions of the couch to look out the window at the blur of the scenery passing by. The hum of the van’s engine and the low roar of the A/C were almost enough to drown out the noise filling his skull. He pops a finger in his ear digging out some wax. Did that smack across the head early knock something? Did a gun go off too close? Wait... shouldn’t he hear ringing if that was the case? Ye, the more he focused on it, it wasn’t inside his head. He checks out the window, his hand itching for a gun. Was a demon really that dumb to follow a van filled with demon hunters? He snorts at his question. Of course, they were. He was pretty sure they had finished the contract with a 100% kill count. Still, he checks out the window, just in case.

“I’m guessing you hear it too?” Vergil stirs from his meditative stupor, popping his neck with a satisfying grunt before turning his gaze to Dante. All of his younger brother’s squirming finally got too much for him to ignore. Vergil focused on his sibling, arms crossed over his freshly bandaged chest. “Really?” He looks down to his lap in disgust. Dante smirks, wiggling his muddy boots where they rested crossed on his thighs.

“What can I say? You’re ridiculously comfy.” Dante smirks. He knew his dick of a brother would threaten to stab him for dirtying his clothes, but he had a trump card, and he was going to use it. They both look down at your sleeping form sprawled on Dante’s chest and a part of Vergil's legs. You lay on him, curled up in a neat little ball on his chest. A dark spot grew beneath where your cheek was squished on his cotton shirt. Dante can’t help the smile that creeps across his face. He pulls his signature coat tighter around you and strokes your face with a only slightly grimy finger. Vergil sighs, settling back down, careful not to wake you either. He had a big ol’ sweet spot for you, and damn Dante couldn’t blame him.

Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump

Dante hisses, pulling away from your peaceful expression, jealous for a brief moment that your weak human hearing couldn’t pick up on the invasive noise. “You sense where it’s coming from?” He rumbles low in his chest, careful not to disturb you. His brother sits silently for a moment wiping at his drowsy eyes. Dante watches his ear twitch minutely picking up on every sound in the immediate vicinity.

“No, I-” His head snaps back to Dante so fast he was surprised Vergil didn’t give himself whiplash. His silver eyes are wide with shock for a moment before softening to an expression Dante only saw when he would talk with Kyrie over dinner. It was warm, protective, and far too gentle a face for him to be pulled out for him. Dante looks back over his shoulder on instinct before it hits him, hard. Vergil wasn’t looking at him, he was looking at you. Oh shit, oh shit.

Dante focuses his senses on you before he had been merely using his broad range listening figuring it was an outside threat. He smells you first, your natural scent was a soft and sweet thing, like moss by a river bed, or freshly turned soil. It only got earthier after a day of hard work. The faint scent of gunpowder lingered on you too, and something else, something more hormonal and almost floral. Beneath your changing scent, he hears your heart thumping steadily in your chest. That was always a comforting sound to him, an anchor whenever he worried for your safety. But underneath it, he heard it. It was a rapid rhythm over yours, in you.

Dante jerks up, tumbling to the floor and cracking his head hard on the metal guards of the stairs. You would have toppled with him if Vergil hadn’t lunged to grab you. “What?” You look around confused but alert. The van is silent in the aftermath of the sudden burst of energy, all faces now turned to the three of you. Vergil holding you close to his chest while you focus on Dante. “You ok?” You look him over, noticing how pale he suddenly was as he looked at you. He was breathing heavily and panicked. His silver-grey eyes flitting between yours and up to Vergil’s.

“Ye,” He croaks, running a hand through his dirty hair not moving from his spot on the dirty floor. “Ye-shit, sorry just slipped in my sleep.”

“Quite a ‘slip’.” You wiggle out of Vergil’s hold and come to bend over Dante. You put the back of your hand to his forehead. You had all gotten pretty banged up this mission, and as usual, Dante had taken the brunt of it. He laughs a little too forcefully to be considered natural and pushes your hand away to get up.

“You know me. I’m full of surprises.” He flops back onto the couch looking at you oddly before opening his arms up to you. He fights against the tremble he feels spreading across his whole body.

You catch the sour look growing on Vergil’s face, it was boiling over to murderous. He shakes his head before sitting back in his spot and reaching for a magazine.

“Everything alright back there?” Nico shouts looking up into the rearview mirror.

“Yeh-yeh.” Dante waves not taking his eyes off you. “Just my old man senses getting to me.” The van collectively snorts at that, all turning back to what they were originally doing. Picking up his discarded coat you climb back into the cradle of your boyfriend's arms.

Boyfriend. You smile into his sweaty neck. It was a new term for both of you and your relationship. You two have been skirting around the idea of a committed relationship for months now. You’ve been with the gang for years now, flitting in and out of each other's life mission after mission as a freelance mercenary. Dante welcomed you into the fold of his merry band of misfits well enough, but you could see the line in the sand he drew pretty easily.

You respected it. Life in this business was hard and sometimes very short. He was slow to open up and trust, not with just you, but anyone. You got it, you understand his hesitation. Once you both established that the feelings you felt for each other went beyond good friends the lines and walls he built began to fade. The few months of you two trying out the word have been going well. Or, at least you thought so. Dante seemed pleased enough too. The few dates you two were able to scrap your collective pennies together for were a blast. Spontaneous coffee dates, walks down none demon-infested streets and parks. Once he even took a weekend off to go cross country with you. That weekend had been the most relaxed you had ever seen him, and as a bonus, the sex had been phenomenal too.

“You ok?” You kiss the stubble on his strong jaw, taking in the hard look in his eyes. His arms were rigid around you, protective yet also isolating. He looked shut-off, lost deep in his mind back in that place you knew he went whenever something was deeply troubling him. Dante said nothing for a moment, his large palm rubbing your lower back in stiff robotic movements. “Dante?”

He snaps out of it with a jerk. “Ye babe- just tired.” He kisses the worry from your brow and slips back into your original position, arms locking securely over your middle. He listens to your breathing and heart slow as you drift off, the little thumping underneath beating on.

From the moment Dante stepped out of the van he shut down. Not just from you, but everyone. He wasn’t sure if it was intentional or just instinct after years of protecting himself. He noticed it happening from afar like he was on the sidelines and completely unable to control what he was doing. He took job after job that Morrison threw at him, not waiting for backup or help. He began staying in his room, slinking upstairs instead of his usual hang out spot down in his office to be social. He just leaves everyone behind. He knows Lady and Trish will blow it off, they were used to the odd mood swing by now, chalking it up to mission fatigue. You knew better though, and he loved you for it. Even if it irritated him right now.

The first few days after that mission Dante saw you trying to pretend like you didn’t notice the walls he was rebuilding around himself. He wanted to believe that you couldn’t see how he turned up the jukebox every time you stepped into Devil May Cry, or that you pretend not to notice how his eyes would drift to look at anything but you when you stood in front of him. It hurt, it hurt to do this, but he couldn’t stop this self sabotage he was inflicting on himself and the stress he was pushing onto you. He just couldn’t take it.

He saw his mother every time he looked at you, could smell the ash and sulfur, could remember how his young lungs filled with smoke as he cried for something he could never get back while his childhood burned around him. He couldn’t do it, so he stopped seeing you. Not that it helped much. He heard the beating every time you came near trying to talk to him, so he stopped listening too. He didn’t know what else to do.

“If you put your hair back I swear I wouldn’t be able to tell you apart from your brother anymore, especially with that new attitude you're sporting.” Dante hears the slight edge in your voice. You sat in your now usual spot on the edge of his desk, before that day his lap would have been filled with your warm sweet body. You didn’t look happy in the least bit. You looked exhausted. He doesn’t look up from his magazine, a slow buzz of panic begins to fill his ears. Were you sick? Did you know?

He puts up another wall. “Doubt it,” He flips a page of his magazine reaching blindly for his beer. “I’m still the better looking one.” More silence. Dante feels your hard stare from where you sat.

“Need something?”

Your shoulders slump. “No-it’s nothing Dante.” He feels himself break just a little at the moisture threatening to spill from your lashes before they are blinked away. You leave without saying goodbye. He doesn’t see you again after that, your spot is soon replaced with piles of empty bottles.

“I expected better from you.”

Dante chokes on his beer, the foam shooting up into his nose and bringing tears to his eyes as it burns its way back to his throat. “Damn it, Vergil! Knock sometime?” His brother says nothing storming over to his desk and kicking a chair out to sit next to him. The look on his face was venomous. “Don’t give me that look.” Dante sighs, popping the cap off of another beer bottle.

“What look?”

Dante waves the butt of his bottle at him. “That! That look. It’s the one you always give me right before you stab me.”

Vergil chuckles humourlessly. “I just might if you continue to ignore your growing issue.” He pushes leaning into Dante’s space.

Dante bristles feeling like a trapped dog. “They should find out on their own-”

“Brother-”

Dante cuts him off with a swipe of his hand, amber liquid sloshing over his desk and lap. He feels his control slipping. The heat of his devil form simmering just below the surface. “I don’t want to talk about this.” I don’t want to acknowledge this.

“It’s been weeks.” Vergil presses on lean in close to his twin. “Will there ever be a right time?”

Dante bares his fangs in warning. His fingers itching to curl up and punch his brother. “That is rich coming from you. Remind me again, how many times have you tried to kill your son?” He meant for it to hurt, to let that barb sink in deep and fester. Vergil doesn’t even react, his gaze still cool and steady.

“I regret it-in parts. But I am not doing this for you.” Dante frowns. He had figured that. When Vergil arrived with Dante all those months ago torn up and bloodied from quite literally crawling out of Hell the welcome he got from the crew had been...lukewarm to put it mildly. They weren’t openly hostile, but it got pretty close sometimes. Only you and Nero had been pleasant to his brother right off the bat. The others came around eventually, but Vergil had taken a real shine to you. You were inquisitive and hungry to prove yourself, but smart enough to know when to back down. It’s what drew him to you, so it would make sense Vergil liked it too. “I cannot change my past actions, nor would I,” Dante scoffs. “But you have been given yet another opportunity that I envy.” He looks over his shoulder to the empty office. He couldn’t lie and say that he didn’t still envy his younger brother and his successes. To be free-to have had a life, dare he say to act almost human? Dante had always been the friendlier and kinder of the two, even as kids. He was sociable and street smart. Most importantly, people trusted him.

Then he found you, a most extraordinary mate. Vergil knew Dante would never admit it vocally but he shows his love with how he acts around you. Dante was always brash and foolhardy but he was milder with you. Whenever you were in the room his sole focus was always on you. His eyes, his body, every part of his being just seemed to gravitate to you. Whenever you paced, pissed from a recent job he would follow in his chair rolling left and right to keep his body in line with you. Even on the field, he stayed close, a towering figure of red and flames. To have him cast you out like this... Vergil shakes his head. “Why are you stalling?” He asks.

“They should find out on their own,” Dante repeats himself.

“And what if they decide not to tell you? What if they decide not to go through with it? You are limiting their time frame, Dante. You are putting them both in danger.” Vergil’s words strike deep. If he can’t get his brother to see reason now, then he will have to intervene. If Dante never forgave him for this transgression, then so be it.

The roar of primal rage was the only warning Vergil got before he was airborne. His back colliding hard against the old oak bookshelves across the room, Dante’s splintered desk pinning him for a moment before he is being dragged up the shelves by his neck. Empty bottles and old tomes clatter to the floor. He matches his brother’s energy shifting in a blaze of blue fury until he faces his red counterpart. “You lash out, why? Because you know I’m right?” He hisses around bared razor sharp fangs. “Do you hope they will leave you?” Something passes through Dante’s scleraless eyes. “It won’t be like before, brother.”

The whine Dante emits sounds like a wounded animal. It was high and reedy, it was filled with turmoil. Vergil couldn’t stop the sharp bark of laughter that fell from his lips. Unbelievable. “Dante.” Vergil grabs one of the claws locked around his throat. “For all your foolish and idiotic behavior you have built yourself a family. Do you honestly think any of them would let something happen? Do you think I would let something happen?” The fist around his neck loosens and drops.

“I want them to live a normal life.” Dante steps away, his voice uncertain. “Look at us- at Nero and Kyrie. Being what we are, we have royally screwed them over.” He stares down at his rough armored hands. His elytra pulses red veins with demonic energy. “And a damn kid? Nero got by alright, but narrowly. Do I look like someone that can handle this?”

“No.” Vergil can’t lie, it would only hurt you in the end. “Not at first. While I have no right to talk about being a father, I know you can do it far better than I.” He smiles to himself. “‘sides, at least your better half has a head on their shoulders.”

“Gee, thanks.” Dante grunts retreating to where his desk used to be. He breathed deeply and shifted back to his human form. Damn it, he had just paid off the repairs from the last time he wrecked the place. Bending over to pick up his magazine, the two were interrupted by his door bursting open. Nero and Lady bursting through bickering heatedly at each other before they notice the mess.

“Did we interrupt something?” Nero steps open the splinters of Dante’s old desk taking in his half triggered father.

“No.” The brothers say in unison.

“Good-” Lady pushes forwards, tossing a missive to Dante. He catches it with deft fingers and rips it open. “Normally I would have taken this on myself with the kid-since you’ve been sulking.” She shoots him a scathing look. “But we need all boots on the ground. Trish and your flickering flame are already there, but this portal just isn’t budging.”

“What!” Vergil snaps. Dante stares blankly at the letter, a high pitch whining growing in his ears. It was getting hard to breathe. “You left them there? They are vulnerable.” The blue devil grabs the letter from his brother looking at the address briefly before grabbing Yamato before rushing for the door.

Nero shouts after his father in confusion, his outburst uncharacteristic for him. “The hell was that about?” Nero watches the skies as the blue figure disappears. “They are perfectly capable of handling themselves…”

“Get in the van. I’ll see you there.” Dante grits out, crumbling the paper up and tossing it aside. He flys out moments later, guns and swords are forgotten. Anything that touches you would be getting ripped to shreds with his bare hands. He travels in a blur of panic fighting the sense of guilt threatening to overcome him. How could he be so stupid? Just because you weren’t at the office didn’t mean that you weren’t still taking jobs. He always worried when you went out solo- or without him, but he was confident in your abilities. A few scrapes and bruises weren’t anything to stress over. It wasn’t something to stress about before. You were still on the field and it was his damn fault.

The sound of gunfire and the roars of dying demons draws him in. Dante’s sharp eyes find you immediately. You were holding your own. You back in a corner but your guns were hot, dropping demon after demon with near flawless aim. Instinctively his demon side rumbles in pride before he squashes the feeling. Now wasn’t the time. Vergil beat him there by minutes but was already covered in gore as he assists you from above, slicing through the almost endless wave of beasts. Dante lands near you grabbing a Fury in midjump throwing it away to splatter against a building yards away. “About time you showed up!” Trish shouted from her perch lightning crackling around her. He ignores her, instead he launches himself at the gaping maw of the portal. He fights with reckless abandon, each wound and injury fueling his fire. One more hit on him just meant one less directed at you.

The fighting didn’t last long after Nero and Lady arrived adding enough fire support that he was able to destroy the portal and clean up the remaining hellspawn. The moment it was Dante was on you. “The hell were you thinking!” He rounds on you his massive body crowding your space.

You hold your ground staring up at him. “Hey, so glad to finally hear from you.” You crane your neck up to meet his glowing eyes. “I love it when my boyfriend finally remembers I exist.”

“You could have gotten hurt!” He glosses over your snark and checks you out. You were fine, good.

You back away from him throwing your hands up in confusion. “Yes? That’s kind of par for the course isn’t it?” You were baffled by his behavior. Weeks. Weeks! Weeks of ignoring your calls, and a conveniently empty office every time you tried to drop by, and now that you have his attention the first thing he does is yell at you? Where did he get off? In fact, his shit attitude only angered you more. “Ya know what? I don’t want to hear it.” You turn your head to where Nico sat leaning out of her driver-side window. She waves at you. “Can you give me a lift back to my place? I got to grab some fresh clips before heading back out.”

A red hand blocks your exit. “No-” Dante grabs your forearm gently tugging you to look at him. His natural heat was a comfort you didn’t realize you missed so much. “Babe-let me handle it.”

“Dante,” You try to pull away. “It’s my job. What has gotten into you?”

He looks over to his brother, the conflict he had been trying to avoid closing in too fast for him.

Vergil holds his stare and shrugs. “Come-the two need to talk, let’s head back for now.” Asshole. The rest of the group follows his eldest brother casting curious glances over their shoulders as they pile into the van. He really wasn’t ready for this.

The two of you watch them go in silence. “Let me take you back? Please?” Dante let’s go of your arm. You nod, it’s not like you have any choice now. Well, you could walk, your body screams at the thought of moving any more than necessary. You’ve been getting exhausted faster and faster these days. Perhaps the stress of the job was getting to you. He scoops you up in his giant arms stretching his wings out to their full and impressive length before taking to the sky. He glides through the city taking extra care to make it as smooth as possible for you. His landing was as silent on the empty streets surrounding your apartment building.

The mid-afternoon sun was high overhead, the perpetual fog of the city finally breaking enough to let in the heat of the day. You slide from his arms and lead him up the steps to your door. Swinging the door wide you look up at him. “Do you mind?”

“What?”

You point to his devil form. “Shrinking? I don’t think you can fit.”

Oh right. He chuckles nervously. “Ain’t nothing a bit of lube and patience can’t fix right?” You don’t laugh, your lips pull taught. He coughs shifting in a flash of heat. Once he’s human he squeezes through the narrow door frame and just stares at you. Dante shuffles from side to side. Great. Now what?

You rub at your neck weary you could feel another knot growing. Weeks ago you had a whole speech laid out for when you got him through your door. You wanted to chew him out, to yell at him for cutting you out so unceremoniously. Shout that if he was going to break up with you at least do it cleanly, not this emotional roller coaster. A sense of anger fills you. Damn it, was this really it? It wasn’t like this was the first time a partner has done this. You just had hoped that Dante would be different. He had always been so dependable. “Just make it quick, Dante.” You didn’t have the steam for this right now. You felt nauseous and a pulsing head coming on. Ugh, and you still have that job waiting for you.

Dante’s silver brows scrunch up. “Make what quick?”

You wave at the distance between the two of you. “This. This breakup. Do it fast so it’ll give me the adrenaline to get through my next job so I can pass out tonight and get some sleep.”

Any other day Dante’s look of sheer shock would have been hilarious- today just wasn’t one of those days. “You think? Heh-shit yes, I can see why...” He rakes a hand through his disheveled hair. “It’s not like that, I- I was running from my problems again.”

Your hackles raise in anger. “I’m a problem now?”

“What! No, that’s not what I’m trying to say.” He points to himself. “I’m the problem. I ruin everything I touch!” His hurt cuts through your aggression.

“Dante-” You have had this discussion before. “You know I don’t think that.”

“You should.” He cuts you off, his expression imploring. “I messed up-I messed up big time with you. I should have said something the moment I knew but I just locked up and ran, like always.”

Knew? Knew what? “Dante, I don’t understand.”

“I-you...how are you feeling of late? I don’t know anything about this stuff, different?” His eyes swipe over your dusty battle garb. You feel his eyes stop at your navel holding there too long to be considered a coincidence before dropping to your feet.

“I’m sorry.” His breath hitches, getting dangerously close to a feeling he had been bottling up for too long. You are quiet, doing the math in your head. He hears your heartbeat pick up, your breathing becoming fast and shallow.

“Get out.”

His heart sinks. What did he expect? Closing the distance between you he reaches for you, his hand hovering by your face waiting to see if you will let him touch you. You don’t move, don’t even look up at him when his hands cup your face. So he moves crouching down to get a look at you. Your gaze is blank but resolute.

“I’m sorry.” He tries again. You ignore him far too engrossed in your revelation. Idly you trace a palm down to your stomach before flinching away is burned. “I’ll-I’ll be around…” He trails off all steam lost. At a loss he does the only thing he can think to do and flees, disappearing back into the streets outside your home like the coward he was.

[tr-ashbin]

𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐲 || 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐦𝐚 𝐱 𝐠𝐧!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝕥𝕪𝕡𝕖 : one-shot

𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕣𝕖 : slight angst if u squint (update theres no angst i just didnt know what to put here)

𝕤𝕪𝕟𝕠𝕡𝕤𝕚𝕤 : soft boy kenma streaming on twitch for money, but doesn't want to be a soft boy anymore, he wants to be yours. definitely not based off wilbur's unreleased song—

𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 : kinda sugar daddy/mommy/glucose guardian y/n (aka capitalist y/n), mentions of ahegao, cringe

kenma was streaming, again.

he was in his 3rd year of highschool and was in short of money, thus he began streaming as a past time with the support of his volleyball teammates and his few friends.

one of them being y/n, who was born in a rich family and is one of his top subscribers and donors.

you'd be thinking, if kenma needed money that much, why couldn't he just ask y/n for it?

tuition isn't that cheap, and he didn't want to be in debt with y/n's family once he was much older.

despite y/n's constant offers, he still said no, and started off his twitch career earlier than intended.

don't get him wrong, it was his dream to make it big on twitch.

.. just not this way.

he figured that being one of those "soft boys" who do certain things for his viewers for money would get him some cash— and quite surprisingly, it worked.

it wasn't his first choice, obviously. he didn't want to be seen as your typical uwu soft boi.

but unfortunately, that's the only way to get money sometimes. it even helped that he had longer hair than most boys because some of his viewers mistook him to be a girl.

"ah, thank you liz for the twenty-five gifted subs."

he said in a quite monotone voice.

kenma was happy, he was getting more money obviously.

he was just tired of it already. he wanted to do something else for a change, but he knew he probably wouldn't get anything out of it.

as the stream went on, he proceeded to do some mail unboxing videos since he had received some while on stream. why not show the viewers? they might multiply if he did.

not only that, but a certain someone decided to call him while in the middle of it.

"oh..? hey, y/n, what's up?"

the stream chat instantly knew that the y/n on call was the same y/n who donated the most money and gifted the most subs to him.

"hey, kenma." y/n said, "have you opened my gift yet? i sent it through the p.o. box."

".. you're watching my stream?"

"of course i'm watching your stream, how else am i supposed to give you money if you wouldn't take it any other way?"

they were right, kenma wouldn't accept money unless donated to him through his streams.

kenma put y/n on speaker, and placed his phone near enough to the mic so they could be heard.

"say hi to the stream, y/n."

"heyoo!"

the chat knew y/n for their many donos and subs. and when you say many, it's many.

ask any of kenma's average of 2.4k viewers, at least every one of them was gifted a tier 1 sub by glucose guardian y/n.

now aside from that, kenma and y/n talked while he opened the gifts he'd receive from fans, figuiring that he'd open the one from y/n last (mostly becaude they told him to).

kenma received a lot of things. things his viewers would want him to wear on stream, decorations for his room, some even sent him cash through mail along with a personal message.

eventually, they had reached y/n's gift, which kenma reluctantly opened.

his eyes widened at the sight, taking his time to process what he had just received, and then deadpanning at the camera.

y/n felt the chills go through the screen, but just laughed it off.

"you like your gift, kenma?"

".. it's a fucking ahegao hoodie."

"it's a work of art!"

"oh my god.."

kenma rolled his eyes at the camera and looked away, putting the hoodie where the stream couldn't see. he wouldn't want to get banned from twitch now, would he?

while doing that, he noticed something else in the box, under where the hoodie was placed.

"are these.."

"wear them, kenma."

"i'm not wearing the cat ears—"

suddenly, a donation appeared on screen.

from y/n.

"y/n donated $100! wear the cat ears, kenma." said the text to speech.

"what the fuck, you donated too? how much money do you even have, y/n?"

"not important, now wear the cat ears, please."

kenma sighed and wore the cat ears.

"happy?"

"kinda, but go off."

he removed the cat ears, then placed them somewhere near the hoodie.

"well, i guess that's the end for today's stream everyone. thanks for all the donos and subs, say bye to the stream y/n."

"byebye!"

"the broadcast you were watching has ended." message was displayed on y/n's monitor.

the call hadn't ended yet, though.

"why are you so nice, y/n?"

the sudden question shook them up.

".. what? i'm nice?" y/n chuckled, not knowing whether they should take it as a compliment or not.

"to me, you are."

"wow, thanks."

"but, really, don't you have better things to spend all that money on?"

"nah, not really. besides, you need the money, don't you?"

"i do, but–"

"then i don't see a problem with giving you so much money."

kenma paused, genuinely not knowing how to take that. was it romantic? platonic? was it really just y/n being nice?

he didn't know, he really didn't.

the next few days were the same for kenma.

wake up, go to school, practice, go home, stream, then sleep.

kenma's thoughts, unlike his routine, were messy as hell.

spiraling around his place as vice-captain, then his twitch career, then his studies.

again, messy as hell.

but what really shook him was y/n. still confused as to how they were so generous despite only getting closer when kenma had started his twitch channel.

did y/n only support him just for the satisfaction of seeing him looking really feminine? or did they really want to support him financially because he refused help from them before? he clearly couldn't tell.

what he could tell, was that he didn't like his current situation.

the money and fame, it was nice, but he knew that wasn't what he wanted to be known for.

being some random soft boy who would do anything for some cash? not really a good image to his name.

if he had to be honest, the only reason he continued to be one was because of them, y/n.

though he didn't know why.

a month had past, kenma's streams had become less frequent as he and y/n have been meeting up during his designated time for streaming.

what was once daily 7pm sessions of kenma doing soft boy shit in front of the camera for around 2.8k viewers for an hour straight became y/n treating him to after practice arcade hangouts.

fortunately enough, he enjoyed them. being content with the quality time he was spending with y/n alone, and not on his twitch livestream with thousands of strangers watching.

not ever missing a day without spending at least half an hour with them, kenma had stopped streaming.

figuring that he had collected enough money for him to live on a side job while he studies, one where he could take breaks and talk to y/n without worrying much about anything else.

he was happy. he finally knew what he wanted.

he didn't want to be a soft boy anymore, he wanted to be theirs.

a/n: hi hi hello writing tips would very much be appreciated for ash here does not know how to end stories properly 😄

[lmanberg]

ok unbiased summary/paraphrased transcript from bbh's stream 'cause I watched it fully:

he had started to address the fact that people on twitter were against him working with a6d on the podcast, clarifying the position a6d would have on the podcast by saying that co-host was wrong wording and that he would be a producer/ sound designer he said that

that he had seen the threads he had been sent and the stuff he was messages about in groupchats and that he had already in the past presented his point which he repeated now:

him being friends with someone, or working with someone, or following someone on twitter does not mean he a 100% endorses or supports their actions or thoughts, that people in the audience are probably like that too, and that people do not know what relationship people can have behind closed doors and not to assume why someone may be friends or in contact with someone else

he then started talking about hate in the mcyt community (from the audience to a cc's perspective) and used "someone young" as an example, not using names and using they/them pronouns at the start

(he later reiterated that talking about tommy was on the spot and that he may have said something wrong but that is how it goes with livestreams)

he spoke of how this is not all of the twt reaction and that there are other reasons people are upset and that they have every right to, but he said that some people on twt were saying some truly horrifying stuff about this person (tommy)

he said that some people on twt were going after streamers in the same way they go against faceless corporation, and that people need to understand that they are talking to/about a real person that will take it to heart

he continued to stress that he is really young possibly not even old enough to vote (this is when he accidentally dropped they/them and used he/him and continued to do so, chat easily caught up that it was about tommy anyway)

he said to chill and cut them some slack because them (twt/the audience) don't know what is like to have millions of people to pressure you

and that people need to be careful because the things they say (especially on twt) are amplified by thousands

he said that it made him dislike the platform, bc while it's great to bring up issues to light but it's also a great platform to harass people

that millions of people pushing even the littlest of things can stress out cc's incredibly and that when a cc opens up about those stresses the response shouldn't be "oh too bad! you deserve it!" and that he had seen tons of responses like that even from people he follows and that it was crazy to him that people would react like that

after this he admitted that he was talking about tommy and started using his name going forward

he then said that tommy is super kind and genuine and literally one of the kindest people he knows in the mcyt community and that he has a big heart and that big heart is causing him to take a lot of the things people are saying about him and to him to heart and that he (bbh) thinks people should take that in account as a community and to be nice and chill, to stop being jerks

and repeated his point that because someone is friends with someone that they do not endorse their every action, and that he knows people don't believe that irl and so that they should stop believing that on twt

(in the middle of this he reiterated that he does not speak for tommy, that that are just his thoughts)

he clarified that he is picking onto only one narrow issue with the situation and that this doesn't speak for all of the reactions on the case, and that he just wants to speak on this issue specifically because he has seen it a lot and it's important to him

he then talks about a twt thread someone sent him and proceeds to read it after apologising for being so emotional about this, since he thinks this is a serious issue in the community and theres need to be compassionate, that people shouldn't immediately jump at the worst conclusions

before reading the thread he also interrupts himself to talk about a point someone made and being careful not to name drop them, talking about cc's being attacked/held accountable for past mistakes and wrongdoings, by saying that:

everyone makes mistakes, is selfish, is wrong, he doesn't care who you are, you are not perfect, but that with cc's their mistakes are recorded, filmed, on twt and youtube on twitch and that theory are there forever, and so people can easily find a catalogue of all their mistakes and that they do not understand that those mistakes happend years ago or in the course or years, they did not do those mistakes all in one day, they happened in the past

he talked about cc's fearing speaking about the toxic side of their communities because they would be attacked or cancelled for it

he admitted that he was rumbling since this was off the cuff, as he put it, but that he was simply talking from his perspective as a cc

he then started reading this thread:

https://twitter.com/barbz4dream/status/1403825864442269699?s=19

after reading it he clarified that he did not 100% agree or disagree with the thread, but that it was a great starting point for discussion because a lot of the things they said about the community was on point, that he thinks that the community pushes a culture to be toxic against someone being barely critical against a cc and that people should be critical but that people should be courteous and that people are not obligated to like them (the cc's)

that he saw recently on twt a lot of a mentality that people cannot change past their mistakes and a lot of assumptions about people behind closed doors and their relationships

he finished by reiterating that people should be kind, treat people like they would like to be treated, that you should be kind to everyone,  and that when it comes to cc's, while you are one person it may feel like not much damage, comparing it to someone throwing one pebble, that there are thousands or other that will throw stones at the same time.

this is so long but is basically a barely paraphrased transcript of what he said, make of it what you will, hope is clear to read enough, I can't bring myself to check and edit it rn since I'm busy

Thank you sm!!!

[khookcreations]

Why did I make this thing? If you missed this baby’s origin story, here it is.

Back in November 2018, I raised money for St. Jude PLAY LIVE for the first time with a $500 goal. $2500 later, I was in complete awe and had committed to making lots of projects as incentives for surpassing fundraising milestones. One of those projects was a crochet baby.

You see, my friend AHareAffair had said she would make one for charity too after she found this pattern of a baby. Her community quickly funded the project…and so did mine. After blowing past my original fundraising goal, I was running out of ideas and blurted out that if we raised even more money, I would make one.

So I knew I had to make this baby. I love a challenging crochet pattern and giant projects, but let’s be honest, it was kind of creepy. Who wants a weirdly realistic, giant crochet baby in their house? I knew I had to do something else with it to make it cool and something I was proud of making. I think an Avengers movie had just come out because my first thought was make a baby Thanos! I did just make a really cool infinity gauntlet and I thought it might be cute to cover up the baby’s hands with tiny versions of the glove. So in January 2019, I started following the pattern using purple for the skin tone.

The first tiny hand

Two arms!

Two legs!

Heh, this was a fun stage

The nightmare stage

This never got old

Somewhere before I got too far, I had a change of heart. I felt there weren’t enough details I could give this baby to turn it into Thanos. Gloves, helmet, his weird chin maybe? I’m not sure what made me think of it so fast, but I was thinking of other purple characters I could make and landed on Illidan Stormrage from World of Warcraft. There was so much more I could do; make horns, wings, even his warglaives. So baby Illidan was born!

It took me 4 months to follow the whole pattern, which I followed very closely. I only skipped the ears since Illidan has elf ears. I took guesses from my Twitch chat as to how many stitches they thought were in this baby. A couple people were extremely close, within 100 stitches. It ended up being 15,189 stitches! And he was tall too; he’s the biggest amigurumi I have made, besides Dave the Psyduck, at 18 inches and this wasn’t even his final form!

This is what 15,189 stitches looks like

Me trying to explain the epic-ness of this project to everyone who thought it was creepy

The rest of this blog post will serve as a written version of the process I went through to create this beast. It will give you a general idea on how I transformed this weird purple baby into an awesome baby Illidan that the world wasn’t prepared for. You know, so you can make your own. Or simply be amazed at how I did this. BUT! I’ll also include a link to the live videos I recorded and a PDF notes version which includes the patterns for all the parts I took notes on.

Watch the ‘making of’ videos on Twitch

Download the PDF notes

Full gallery is at the bottom of this post!

How I made baby Illidan.

The first change I made to the pattern was making the eyes completely green. I still followed the same pattern, and honestly I could’ve made the eyes in any color because I ended up covering them with felt anyway.

The only other change I made to the pattern was skipping the ears entirely. I came up with an elf ear pattern instead. But the first thing I did to transform him into Illidan was covering up that face.

Face Mask

I made a long chain, from ear to ear across the forehead and single crocheted for a few rows until I reached the eyes. Then I made more chains to create the space for each eye to show through. I single crocheted a few more rows until it sat just above the nose. This took a lot of guessing and measuring as I went. The sewing for this part was quite tedious as I sewed the entire thing, even the eye holes so they would stay in place.

Ears

The pattern for these is in the document. They may not fit your baby if you follow the notes exactly, but you can get an idea of the shape I was going for and adjust it for the size you want.

Hair Cap & Hair

Using black yarn and a bigger hook (so it wouldn’t take as long), I created a bowl shape to cover the top of his head. I made sure it sat just above the ears and created a subtle ‘V’ shape in the middle of the forehead. To do that, just do something like ‘hdc, dc, tr, dc, hdc’ in the middle of the last round of the cap.

I sewed this cap to the head and then cut lots of LONG strands of black yarn for the hair. Mine were something like 2 feet long each and there was probably 50 of them. I folded each strand in half and then painstakingly attached (okay, it really wasn’t that bad, I just dislike making hair) each one around the edge of the entire cap (skipping two small areas where I wanted the horns to go). You just want to make sure it is thick enough to cover up the cap.

I gathered all of the hair on top of his head and wrapped a small band of brown yarn around it to secure it in a ponytail. The hair ended up being the perfect length and he didn’t even need a haircut!

Horns

I used a charcoal gray color for these and they are structured with polyfill and some pipe cleaners inside so they keep their shape. The pattern for these is in the document!

Wings

These were easily the most complicated part. I drew them out on a piece of paper first to make sure I’d get the size right. Then I used that as a template to create the shapes. You can see this whole process happening at this part of the video series. The flat sections in between the purple tubes were made up of two flat panels single crocheted together. The border around really helped when it came to sewing them to the tubes. They are far from perfect, but the notes are in the doc in case you wanted to try them out.

Pants

Using brown yarn, I made a chain long enough to go around his waist, above his belly button. Then I joined it together and single crocheted in rounds until I got to the legs. I found the halfway point for the whole round and joined it together so I had two holes, one for each leg. I made enough rounds for one leg until the pants were the length I wanted and then did the other leg. I didn’t put them on until they were all done. They were pretty tight but that meant I didn’t have to sew them on 🙌.

With fuzzy brown yarn, I made the belt. Started the same way with the pants, but only made like 5 or 6 rounds. Then I attached it to the top of the pants, leaving the bottom part free.

The fabric flaps were made with sage green yarn and then gold surface slip stitches for the detailing. I didn’t take any notes for these but there are two smaller flaps on each hip sewed underneath the furry belt. The middle flap is sewed on top of the belt so it looks like it is folded up and over the pants.

Bracers

I thought I took notes on these, but now that I think about it, I guess I just winged it for each one. I made a brown chain long enough to wrap around the thickest part of the forearm then joined it together and started working in rounds. To create the texture, I used front/back loop only techniques. When I reached the back of the hand, I made a few rows just to cover it and then made a chain to wrap around the thumb. This is a detail you can’t really see unless you see him in person, but it helps make it look more impressive!

Warglaives

Ok, maybe I lied about which part was the hardest. These are definitely the most complicated. They are sort of made the same way as the wings, but more detailed. Also ignore the awful needle felting job 🙈. I added the lime green felt last minute because I wanted the weapons to stand out a bit more. I made 8 green panels all with the same pattern (it’s in the PDF) and sandwiched them together to make 4 blades. These were sewn to the gray center parts, which were also made up of 2 panels each and detailed with felt. I attached these to the bracers and then made another chain that wrapped around his hand so he’s actually holding on to something. Another thing you don’t really see unless you see him in person. It’s all in the details!

Arcane Tattoos

This was a really fun part to do and really made the entire character to be honest. I cut out pieces of lime green felt and needle felted them on. At first, I tried felting a lighter color yarn on top of it to create a highlight, but it wasn’t quite the right color and it didn’t work. So I took the lime green yarn I used for the warglaives, which was a shade darker than the felt, and needle felted that as an outline for each piece. The eyes were detailed in the same way. It really helped them pop.

  Front view

Side view

Back view

Close up detail

So what once was this strange looking purple baby has now become one epic piece of crochet wizardry! And it hilariously took 9 months to make him…😂 I have no intentions of selling him, but I have a few ideas of what to do with him other than keeping him for myself. One option would be to have a charity auction for him with all proceeds going to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. Another option would be to find a kid at St. Jude who just freaking LOVES World of Warcraft and would be over the moon to receive Illidan as a gift. Or I could just donate it to St. Jude so they can display it where the kids could really enjoy his presence. I’d be fine with any of these options, but I need to get in contact with some people first to see if any of them are doable.

Thanks for coming to my very lengthy post about the making of this project. It was an incredible journey and I am so glad it was made possible by the love my community has for fundraising for the kids. I hope I can continue to inspire epic projects like this and get you thinking about how you can use your love of crochet to bridge the gap between video games and fiber art. And help a wonderful cause at the same time. For the kids!

The Baby Illidan Project Why did I make this thing? If you missed this baby's origin story, here it is.

[kz-i-co]

Babysitter: Part VI

» Summary: You have to go back to school soon so you try to spend as much time with Tae as possible

» Pairing: Kim Taehyung (V)/ Reader

» Genre: Smut/ Fluff

» Words: 4k

» COMPLETED SERIES: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 ╫ Part 7 | Part 8

» m.list ╫ bts masterlist

-

You were looking up, staring at your ceiling. You knew you should be doing something more productive but you couldn’t get out of bed. You had a week left of your summer break. Not even a week, 4 days to be exact.

Where has the time gone?

You were on 100% denial mode. You didn’t want to go back. You didn’t want to be so far from Taehyung. You even had thoughts of transferring to a closer school.

“Hun….can you get the door….I’m on a business call.” Your father said as he passed your room.

You got up and headed downstairs. You opened the door and grew blank.

“Tae…what are you doing here?” You blushed.

He had to work this morning but he promised to take you out later.

“I wanted to spend time with you.” He leaned on your door frame.

“What about work?”

“My parents told me I could have off.” You blushed. He must of told them that you were leaving soon.

You grabbed his hand and pulled him upstairs. He went straight to your room as you stopped in front of your dad’s office. His door was still opened.

“Who was at the d- yes sir.” He was still on the phone.

“It was just-” He just nodded not paying attention.

“I love you dear.” He shut the door.

You went back to your room seeing Taehyung sprawled out on top of your bed. “Where is everybody?”

“My dad is working from home right now and my mom took the kids to my aunt’s.”

You got into bed laying right next to him. “And I’m suppose to be here packing.”

Taehyung could hear the sadness in your voice.

“I don’t want to go.” Your voice was barely audible.

“I thought you liked school?” He laughed.

“I do, but I don’t want to leave you.”

“I’m not going anywhere….so stop worrying.”

“But Tae, I’ll be 3-”

You pulled out your phone calculating on your Google maps.

“I’ll be 2 hours and 45 minutes away from you.” He laughed at you response.

You sat up and bringing your leg around his other side to straddle his waist.

“You think your parents would hire me? Or maybe I can find somewhere else to work.” You spoke quickly.

“You’re not dropping out of school for me….we can do this.”

You played with the hem of his shirt. “But-”

“No buts….we both have free weekends….or we can video chat.”

“Unless my parents steel you first.” You pouted.

“It won’t be like that every week….plus I’ll come and get you on some weekends.” You finally smiled.

“Okay.” You leaned down bringing him into a kiss. You felt the butterflies go off that second you felt his warm embrace.

The kiss started getting deeper by the second that you were caught up in the moment and started rocking against him. You heard him moan against your lips by each motion. You slid one hand up his shirt as the other held you up. Your fingers tingled as you felt up his chest.

You pulled away so you could catch a break but not to long, you started kissing down his jaw to behind his ear. You smirked from feeling his excitement starting underneath you.

You sat back up and looked down at him then at the door biting your lip.

“I know what you’re thinking and the answer is no.” He looked more serious then he has before.

“He won’t hear.” You slowly started rocking against his bulge.

He groaned. “Your father will kill me….he just accepted the fact we’re together.”

“That’s not true….when he found out at the mall last mouth he said he was okay with it.” You stated.

“To you he did, not to me.”

“My dad is on a business call….those last hours.” You persuaded.

He just raised his eyebrows. “I don’t want to risk it.”

“I guess we’ll have to think of something else to do.” You smirked once again.

You scooted back slightly so you had better access. “What?” He mumbled.

“First we need to take care of this.” You brought your hand up towards his bulge and started to palm over his jeans.

“My mind is telling me no, but my body, my body is telling me yes.” You started singing.

He laugh.

You continued palming him quicker. You could feel him getting harder through each stroke.

“Okay fine…….but hurry.” He gave in feeling weak under your touch.

You reached up and unbuckled his jeans, along with his zipper. You pulled his harden length out from under his boxers and started stroking immediately.

You couldn’t believe how red you made him already. You leaned down kissing the tip watching his pained expression. He let out soft moans as you carried on bringing your head down further. He laid down finally looking away from you. You smiled from how weak he looked and you just started.

You picked the pace bobbing your head up and down and used your hand for what you couldn’t put in your mouth.

You reached down into your shorts with your free hand. You felt up yourself and was surprised how wet you were. You started circling figure eights through your folds as you continued sucking Tae’s harden length. You felt pleasure build up within yourself. You pulled off Tae for a sec but used your hand to stroke every inch.

He was leaning up once again as he watched you pleasure him and pleasure yourself. It turned him on even more that you felt him twitch and next thing you knew he reached his climax. You quickly leaned your head down to shallow his juices and particularly to not get all over your bed. He collapsed again against your mattress to work through his orgasm.

You licked up his side’s clean helping him relax. You leaned back but didn’t stop your hand that was pushed inside your underwear. He looked up as you started breathing heavier. He quickly pulled himself back into his pants and flipped you over. He nudged down your shorts pulling them off and grabbed your hand. He kissed your fingers before leaning down kissing your inner thigh all the way to your soaking area.

You felt his tongue swirl through your folds. You were extra sensitive from starting yourself. You felt mesmerized by what he was doing with his tongue you didn’t even feel two fingers push inside you. You had to quickly cover your mouth as you barely screamed from the surprised.

“Tae…go faster.” You whined.

He granted your wish pushing his fingers quickly in and out of you. You were tempted to moan but had to bite your lip from stopping you. You didn’t have as much control as he did. He had an advantage with that tongue. You started feeling your pleasure rise through when you heard a sudden closing of a door.

You froze in your track and so did Tae.

“(Y/N)?” You heard your dad call.

“Y-yeah dad.” Your voice was weak as you felt Tae starting back up with his tongue to your folds.

“I’ll be in the shower if you need me and don’t worry about answering the phone….okay?”

“Okay.” You tried to steady your voice.

“Please hurry…my dad takes quick showers.”

He turned his licking into sucking and you swear you started seeing white vision behind your eyelids. He brought your orgasm through quicker then you thought. You felt weak as he started slowing down his movements. You felt chills.

He grabbed your shorts and sweetly tugged them back up and laid next to you. You still felt in the mood and wanted to continue but he was right. It wouldn’t be the brightest idea.

“Now what?” He rubbed his face against you like he was a cat trying to get your attention. You blushed from the action. He was too cute.

“We could go downstairs and cuddle.”

Before he could speak you continued. “My dad won’t like it if he sees us in here with the door closed.”

He nodded and you both got up and headed towards the living room.

…

For the past hour you both watched a movie cuddled under the covers. You were quite bummed when your father didn’t even acknowledge you.

You looked out the window to see your mother pull up.

Your horny self from earlier was quite bummed. “We could of totally have had sex.” Taehyung chocked on the water he was currently drinking.

You were unaware as you spoke those words. “Sorry.” You giggled.

“You’re still thinking about that?” He was still trying to clear his throat. “Don’t worry, I have something planned.”

You looked over at him and blushed. You quickly leaned in with a passionate kiss, just as your family entered.

“Ew.” You heard Dara. She jumped up onto Taehyung’s lap.

He groaned in pain. “Dara….I told you that you can’t do that to people especially Tae.”

“Sorry.”

“That’s where the babies come from.” Your brother passed you to get to the kitchen.

“You’re not suppose to know about that yet.” Your mother yelled following behind.

“Did you try to make babies yet?” Dara asked as the clueless kid expected to be.

“They better not.” You saw your dad coming down the stairs. “Not until you’re 40.”

“That’s too old dad.” You shouted as your dad made his way towards the kitchen.

“Are you 40 yet?” Dara asked.

“No.” You laughed.

“Why is our daughter trying to encourage them to have sex?” You heard your dad ask.

You and Tae just blushed from this whole awkward mess.

“Wendy’s friend was over and she has a 4 month year old….Dara was pretty fascinated.” Your mother laughed.

“How do make babies?” Dara asked Tae.

“You’re a little too young to know that.” You said.

Dara looked down with a pout. “Once you’re older we will tell you…okay?” Tae tilted her chin up.

“Okay.” She leaned on Tae hugging him.

“I can’t wait till I have my own babies.” Dara said.

“And they will be the best babies.” Tae told Dara.

“Why’s that?” She asked.

“Because they will have the best Mommy.” He returned.

You loved that Taehyung was such a kid person because honestly you weren’t. It’s not that you didn’t like them you just were clueless with the whole thing.

-

It was the night before you had to leave and you were waiting for Taehyung. He said he had a special date set up for you both. You always told him to not go fancy since it was not your style. But you still dressed pretty neat.

You watched as his car pulled up lighting up the darkness. You didn’t bother waiting for him to come meet you at the door because you were too quick by his side.

“Wow you look-”

“I don’t look any different then before.” You honestly were but you didn’t want to draw attention. You were a dress for once but it was causal.

He opened the door for you and quickly made it to his side.

You had no idea where you were going and if you asked he would ignore you with a grin.

You didn’t know what to expect because every date felt like a first date. So romantic and beautiful. You kept going over in your head from how lucky you were. It was your parents you really should thank.

“Please tell me.” You were in the car already for a half hour.

“We are almost there…chill.” He laughed as he slowed down the car and pulled into a parallel parking spot.

He turned off the engine and got out making it towards your door to let you out. You just stared out your surrounds. You’ve never seen this side of Geochang.

It was beautiful.

He watched before crossing the street while tugging you alone. Then you reached a small little cafe or bakery. The smell was better then you could ever imagine.

“Tae.” An elderly women came around the counter to embrace him into a hug. “Is this her?” She asked.

“Yes…grandma this is (Y/N) my girlfriend.” She walked up closer to you and brought you into a warm gentle hug as well.

“It’s so nice to meet you….Tae talks so much about you.” She smiled.

“Hi.” You smiled. You haven’t met Taehyung’s parents yet but you could tell the whole family was sweet and genuine people.

Taehyung brought you over to a table. The place was pretty empty besides a few older people enjoying the comfortable environment.

“My cousins own this cafe.” Tae said.

You nodded. “Your grandma is very sweet.”

“Thank you…..she means alot to me.”

You reached across the table and grabbed his hand.

“She practically raised me.” He sweetly smiled.

“What do ya kiddos want to eat.” An older women came over.

You let Tae order for you since you trust him with your likes and dislikes. Tae introduced you to the nice lady who happened to be his cousin in law.

“Thank you for letting me meet your family.” You blushed.

“Of course, you’re important to me so I wanted you to meet my favorite people.” You blushed once again.

He brought your hand towards his mouth kissing the back of your hand.

…

After you ate, Tae’s grandmother wanted to get to know you.

“What are you going to school for?”

“I’m an astrology major.”

“Wow….thats pretty neat.” She smiled.

“Do you like school dear?”

“Yeah….I do.” You had to think about it.

“I wanted Taehyung to go to Seoul for Performing arts.”

“Really?”

“Yes….he’s a born actor.” Taehyung hid his face cutely. “Or a singer.” His grandma continued.

You grew quite confused. You actually didn’t know that about him and you were a little disappointed you didn’t.

“You sing?” You nudged him.

“Yes….most beautiful voice I ever heard….he sings here sometimes.” His grandma interrupted.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was….eventually.” He hesitated.

“Probably your parents…..I kept trying to tell them you have more potential then working on that farm.”

“I know.” He nodded. “I’m not sure what to do yet.”

You were learning things about Taehyung you never knew. You figured working with his parents was his choice. Maybe he didn’t want to work for them.

He had other dreams and he wasn’t even going to try and pursue them.

“Hun the piano is over there.” His grandma made her way behind the counter once again.

“Thanks grandma.” He laughed embarrassed.

“I’m sorry….it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you….it just doesn’t come to mind.” He spoke.

“I wanted to go to Seoul but my parents needed the help and I kind of just got used to working there so I decided to stay.”

“If you want to go you should.” You said. “Or at least try.”

He nodded. “I’ll think about it.” He smiled.

“Can you sing for me?” You said with a soft voice.

“I’m not sure….you make me nervous.” He bit his lip.

“Pretty please.”

He pursed his lips. “Okay.” He got up and made his way towards the piano. You sat down at the nearest table.

“I can’t really play the piano so it’s not going to be good.”

“Sweetie can you play ‘hug me’ that’s my favorite.” His cousin spoke up across the room.

“But my friends not here.” Tae slouched.

“We still enjoy your part sweetie.” His grandma pitched in.

(If you didn’t get the hint: the song is Hug Me by V and Jhope)

You glanced back at Taehyung as he pressed the keys starting the song. The instrumental was beautiful but you didn’t know the definition until he started singing. You couldn’t describe how you felt. You felt goosebumps tingle throughout your body. His voice was beautiful. His voice was deep but it was soft.

He was singing with so much emotion that you didn’t realize your eyes were watering. You glanced back and saw everyone else in the room sway to the beautiful music that Tae was making.

You felt mesmerized.

You could tell that Taehyung was nervous because of you. He couldn’t look at you during the whole performance thinking he would mess up.

As he finished his last note he finally got the courage to look at you and was quite surprised seeing your face all blotchy.

He blushed and couldn’t help but slightly smile. “Are you crying?”

“Shut up.” You wiped your face. He stood up and pulled you into his arms. You could feel him giggle as your head was leaning into his chest.

“Stop laughing at me.” You whined.

“Did you like it?” He softly asked serious this time.

“It was beautiful.” You smiled. “All this time you sing like that and you didn’t bother telling me.” You playfully slapped his chest.

“I was nervous.” He pouted. He was being so cute that you wanted to grab him right then and there but his family probably be concerned.

“Your grandma’s right, you need to go to school.” You said excited.

He raised his eyebrows. “I’m serious.” You continued.

“Okay.” He said just to get you to calm down. “I’ll think about it.”

“Tae before you leave.” His grandma went to the back. After she returned she was caring some chocolate bunt cake.

“Here you go.”

He pursed his lips and a slight smile. “Thanks grandma.”

You spent a little more time with Tae’s family, especially his grandma. She was clearly the sweetest person you have ever met. Taehyung held your hand towards the car and opened the door for you. You weren’t sure if he was taking you home right away or if there was another stop.

“What’s with the cake?” You laughed.

“My grandma said she likes my chubby cheeks.” You aw’d at his response. You could tell that she babies him and it was adorable.

…

When he pulled up towards the next stop, you recognize the familiar apartment that he called home.

You blushed as he picked you up bridal style. “Tae we’re not married.”

“I’m practicing for the future.”

He put you down once he reached the door to unlock it. As soon as you opened the door you saw the lights dim with a few candles light, plus the place was the neatest you have ever seen.

“What is all this?”

“You leave tomorrow so I wanted this night to be special.”

“But what about your roommate?”

“He’s staying at Jimin and Jungkook’s place.” He grabbed both your hand’s into his. “I got you all to myself.” He bit his lip.

He slowly pulled you towards his bedroom. The anticipation was killing you and you couldn’t figure out why.

Before you could even process anything he pulled you into a deep passionate kiss. He tilted you back enough that you were laying on his bed. He made his way on top to continue on with sweet passionate kisses along your jawline.

“I want you to take control.” He got up siting back on his heels.

You sat up staring at your sexy boyfriend as he licked his lips, which you picked up as his habit. You reached your hand out touching up his abs.

“Take this off.” You tugged on his  shirt.

He followed through unbuttoning a few to where he could pull it off. You then reached for his buckle, undoing his jeans. You immediately pulled his length out and started pumping his member. It didn’t take him long to be affected by your touch. You kissed his top before pushing him down on the bed so he was laying on his back.

You shimmied out of your dress so you only had your underwear showing. You slipped your panties down and got on top of him. You started rocking against his hard member causing friction.

You liked teasing him and he clearly didn’t. “Are you trying to torture me.” You giggled from his response.

“Maybe.” You finally grabbed his member and lead him towards your center. The sting was a surprise as it was the first time all over again. You picked up the pace as you finally adjusted to his size. You reached around your back to unhook your bra as you continued to rock against him.

You didn’t hold back your moans this time. Most of the precious times you spent together you had to be quiet so you didn’t bother holding back. Taehyung sat up in place so he could kiss up your chest. He took one of your breast into his mouth, circling around your nipple. You leaned your head back as you felt the pleasure stirring up through you.

You felt the tiredness take control. “Taehyung I want you to make love to me.” You stopped moving against him.

He flipped you both over and watched you as he reconnected you. He interlocked your hand with his above your head as he thrusted into you at a steady pace. It was different. You felt like he was trying to make the pleasure last longer, he didn’t want to rush.

He leaned down and kissed your nose cutely. You couldn’t help but smile. He kept kissing every part of your face until he reached your lips. The kiss was beautiful and slow. You felt butterflies making you dizzy.

“I love you.” You whispered against his lips.

He pulled away further and said it back. He was sitting up straighter and pulled you closer. He grabbed your hips as he picked up his pace thrusting into you at a new angle. You felt your pleasure coming back that you didn’t know how long you were going to last. You felt your stomach turn as you caught the sexy smirk he had on his face.

He was trying to kill you.

Not to long you felt your orgasm hit you making you go limb underneath him. You let out a loud moan as you tried to steady through you high. It was that long after that Taehyung followed right behind filling you up with his warm juices. As soon as he pulled out he collapsed next to you trying to catch his breath.

You laid there for, felt like hours just enjoying each others company. You decided to just spend the night from it being so late. You text your mom and she was completely understanding.

-

That morning Taehyung drove you to your house and helped you load up your car. He pouted that he wanted to drive you but you needed your car.

You grabbed your keys and watched as Taehyung was leaning against your car. He was waiting as you said your goodbyes to your family first.

“Bye (Y/N).” Dara pouted. You brought her into a bone crushing hug. Then you had to force Sungmin to hug you back. Finally your parents, your mother almost wouldn’t let go of you until your dad whined. It was funny watching him fight over you. You were your daddy’s little girl and he missed you more then you could ever imagine.

“Take care of yourself.” He said pulling away from hug.

“Make sure you visit some weekends….we’ll make Tae come get you.” Your father said.

He deep down loved the idea of you both together, he just couldn’t accept it to himself. He knew Tae was a perfect choice for you and that he had a good heart on his shoulders.

You finally turned around and you felt your face sting as your eyes got watery. You knew it was dumb to cry but you couldn’t help it.

You saw Tae’s face drop as he saw tears falling from your eyes. When you got closer to him he wrapped you into a warm hug.

“Please don’t cry over me.” He whispered.

“I’m not.”

He pulled away and grabbed your face. “It won’t be long.”

You nodded. “When ever you need me, I’m only a phone call away.”

He brought your lips to his in a passionate kiss making Dara cover her face.

“I love you.” He said as he pulled away.

“I love you more.” He wiped your cheeks.

“No more crying.” He took your hand kissing the back romantically.

It felt like slow motion as he pulled away dropping your hand. He made it to where your parents were lifting up Dara as they all waved goodbye.

You waved as you started your car and finally took off towards the school you now dreaded going. You couldn’t help as more tears fell on the way there.

This was going to be a long semester.

[jeffpackswasyes]

Answer them all

1. 3 Fears - open spaces, getting kidnapped and tortured, uhh spiders but spiders are kinda dope now

2. 3 Things I love - Music, girls, animals/nature

3. 2 Turn ons - Lip biting, being wanted in return

4. 2 Turn offs - Manipulative behavior, arrogance

5. My best friend - Regan for sure

6. Sexual Orientation - Straight

7. How tall am I? - Like 6ft tall

8. What do I miss right now - My friend Scott who moved away :(

9. Favorite color - Teal

10. Do I have a crush - I don’t think so

11. Favorite place - My apartment

12. What am I listening to right now? - Modest Mouse is on right now (The Lonesome Crowded West is a fantastic album) 

13. Shoe Size - 11

14. Eye Color - Green

15. Hair Color - idk is that like brown or blonde or what. dirty blonde maybe

16. Meaning behind my URL - Dumb pun that I would tell my friend Jeff every time Jetpacks Was Yes! came on

17. Favorite Song - Lmao there are way too many songs

18. Favorite Band - The Dear Hunter!!!

19. How I feel right now - Tired and lazy and mopey

20. Someone I love - my bff regan is an angel

21. My current relationship status - Single as heck

22. My relationship with my parents - My dad and I are on pretty good terms, don’t care for my mom

23. Favorite Season - Autumn of course

24. Tattoos and piercings I have - NONE cause I’m a broke bitch

25. Tattoos and piercings I want - I could go on and on about the tattoos I want all over my body but I’m not gonna do that here. I only want one piercing, a nose ring. 

26. The reasons I joined tumblr - There is cool shit on here and it’s good to browse when you are high 

27. Do I ever get good morning texts or good night texts? - sort of? I only text one person

28. Have I kissed the last person I texted? No but I’m workin on it

29. How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Like 6 minutes

30. Have you shaved your legs in the past 3 days? - Nope

31. Where am I right now? - In my bedroom

32. Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - When my roommate isn’t home I play my music loud af

33. Do I live with my mom and dad? - No

34. Am I excited for anything? - Damn, not really

35. Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - Definitely 

36. How often do I wear a fake smile? - Often 

37. If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - Maybe Casey Crescenzo I really don’t know

38. What do I think about most? - Probably music

39. Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Definitely behind it

40. What was the last lie I told? - “Nah everything is cool dad” 

41. Do I prefer talking on the phone, or video chat? - Phone

42. Do I believe in ghosts? Aliens? - Aliens exist, and I’m convinced ghosts or some sort of spirit entity is out there

43. Do I believe in magic? - Somewhat yes actually, still on the fence about it

44. Do I believe in luck? - I like to think that the universe looks out for some people, whether or not that is “luck”, I’m not sure

45. What’s the weather like right now? - It’s like 85 degrees and sunny out

46. What was the last book I read? - I’m in the middle of Game of Thrones right now and yes, it is fantastic

47. Do I have any nicknames? - I go by James, my middle name so I guess that counts

48. Do I spend money or save it? - I need to be a little more careful with my money I spend so much

49. Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - I’m sure I can touch it with A tongue, but not my tongue

50. Favorite animal? - Damn this a tough one. A sloth? A bear? Deer? Mantis Shrimp? 

51. What was I doing last night at 12 am? Smoking and watching Bojack Horseman

52. What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Mr Blue Sky by ELO, no contest

53. What is my favorite word? - Honestly fuck this question 

54. My top 5 blogs on tumblr - They are all good I can’t rate them

55. If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - uhh please stop killing each other 

56. Do I have any relatives in jail? - Nope not that I know of

57. What is my current desktop background? - Overwatch shit

58. Had sex? - Nope

59. Bought condoms? - Who needs em! /s

60. Gotten pregnant? - God I hope not

61. Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - Yes

62. Had a job? - Yes

63. Smoked weed? - Too much, gotta chill on it 

64. Smoked cigarettes? - Yeah

65. Drank Alcohol? - Yes

66. Am I vegetarian/vegan? - Nope

67. Been overweight? - No I’m skinny af

68. Been underweight? - Definitely

69. Gotten my heart broken? - I wouldn’t classify it as heartbreak

70. Been to prom? - Nah, not my thing

71. Been in an airplane? - Nope :( 

72. Learned another language? - Not fluently

73. Wore make up? - I have not, but wouldn’t be opposed

74. Dyed my hair? - Yep, I really wanna die it again

75. Had a surgery? - Nope, I’ve had stitches though

76. Met someone famous? - Never

77. Stalked someone on social media? - Nope

78. Been fishing? - A couple of times

79. Been rejected by a crush? - I didn’t have a lot of crushes so no

80. What do I want for my birthday? - A livable income 

81. Do I like my handwriting? - Yeah, I don’t hate it I guess

82. Where do I want to live when I’m older? - Probably somewhere in Europe

83. Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing something bad? - I got caught doing LSD a few years ago

84. What I’m really bad at? - I’m not the best with my words, bad writer and bad conversationalist

85. What my greatest achievements are - ...uhhh Sean and I wrote an album last summer and it was pretty dope but it never got rerecorded and released so does that even count

86. The meanest thing somebody has ever said to you? - I don’t remember off the top of my head

87. What I’d do if I won the lottery - Go visit Regan and get us out of our shitty towns 

88. What do I like about myself? - My hair, my hands

89. My closest tumblr friend  - damn that is a good question

90. Any question you’d like? - What, i only answer the questions fuck this 

91. Are you outgoing or shy? - Definitely shy

92. What kind of people are you attracted to? - The kind that I can click with and talk to and have fun with 

93. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - Nope

94. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - Nah, it is a very interesting subject

95. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - Last night with my friend Cody about this life being a simulation 

96. What does the most recent text you sent say? - “right, fuck you james”

97. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - Damn gimme a few minutes to look 

Cowboy Dan - Modest Mouse

The Old Haunt - The Dear Hunter

None Shall Pass - Aesop Rock

Absolomb - Periphery 

Open Up - Dispatch 

98. Do you like it when people play with your hair? - Yes I love it

99. Do you think there is life on other planets? - There’s gotta be 

100. Do you like bubble baths? - I haven’t taken a bubble bath in years so idk

101. Do you like your neighbors? - Most of them

102. Where would you like to travel? - I wanna travel everything but that is vague and generic so I’ll say Innsbruck, Austria. The name means Inn by the River and it is a cute magical looking town

103. Favorite part of your daily routine? - I don’t have a daily routine but I play overwatch everyday so i”m gonna say it’s that

104. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - Probably my skinny fucking legs 

105. What do you when you wake up? - Lately I’ve been reading a chapter and smoking a bowl  

106. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - I’ve never really thought about it tbh

107. Do you ever want to get married? - I mean not particularly but if my partner wants to get married then yeah sure 

108. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail? - Yep

109. Would you rather live without TV or music? - TV, duh

110. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - Probably

111. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - There’s a bunch of thrift stores in this town so those are always pretty neat

112. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - Yes

113. Do you smile at strangers? - Sometimes

114. Have you done anything recently that you hope no one finds about? - Nope, I’m clean

115. Ever wished you were someone else? - All the time

116. Favorite makeup brand? - Sephora, BH Cosmestics, idrk

117. Last thing you ate? - Cereal 

118. Ever won a competition? - Nope

119. Ever been in love? - Yeah

120. Facebook or Twitter? - Neither, but you can follow my insta @jeffpackswasyes ;)

121. Twitter or Tumblr? - Definitely  tumblr

122. Are you watching TV right now? - Nope

123. What color are your towels? - Mostly white, I have a blue one though

124. Favorite ice cream flavor? - Vanilla, cookies and cream

125. First person you talked to today? - Regan or Cody

126. Last person you talked to today? - Regan

127. Name a person you hate? - The guy who made the kid put his laptop in the oven on twitch. 

128. Name a person you love? - My bff Regan!!

129. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - Nah

130. Do you tan a lot? - Nope

131. Have any pets? - None of my own, none in my apartment

132. Do you type fast? - Yes

133. Do you regret anything from your past? - I try to let go of any regrets, still trying to let go of some. But I’ll get there

134. Ever broken someone’s heart? - Yes

135. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt? - Lmao yeah 

136. Is cheating ever okay? - No, but I do think that it is forgivable, depending on the situation of course.

137. Do you believe in true love? - What is TRUE love? Love is just love, we don’t understand it

138. What’s your zodiac sign? - Cancer

139. Do you believe in ghosts? - This question is on here twice, very suspicious

140. Get the closest book to you and open it page 42. What is the first line? - Egyptian Wheels and Dimensional Travel  

[artificialqueens]

Convention - Fryshook (Violet/Katya)

It’s not the first time Violet’s been under Katya; it’s just the first time they’ve had an audience.

a/n: back at it again at the vatya store. Pronouns and names are fluid depending on the context of the scene. Scenes take place between season 7 all the way up to NYC drag con. They are not in chronological order, but they are in…an order. Sorry if it’s confusing. a03

Violet walked out into the smoking alley behind the convention center. It wasn’t exactly the fresh air she craved, but it would have to do for now.

A familiar cackle-cough caught her attention and yep, there she was, barefoot and smoking like a tire fire, chatting with a fan.

Violet sauntered up to the blonde, laying a gloved hand on her shoulder. Katya turned and, still chatting with the fan, squeezed Violet in a quick hug.

“…you know what I mean?” Katya said. The fan nodded, eyes wide and darting frantically between the two queens.

“Um,” the fan said, “I–”

“You should take pictures of us,” Violet suggested. The fan nodded, whipping out their phone. Their hands were shaking. “Calm down. I don’t want you posting blurry pics to your tumblr or whatever.”

Katya laughed, taking a drag of her cigarette. “Such a bitch,” she said, dropping down to wrap her arms around Violet’s legs.

*

Later, in Violet’s booth, Katya said: “this brings me back,” and Violet turned to face the sea of cellphones, her fingers digging into the heavy thighs pinning her to the couch.

*

In Violet’s hotel room, Katya barely managed to rip her wig off and say: “that was fun,” before smearing her lipstick all over Violet’s face, her neck, her chest.

“Gotta give the people what they want,” Violet laughed, stroking Katya’s short boy hair. “I thought you didn’t fuck in drag anymore, Yekaterina.”

Katya’s fingers stilled at the laces of Violet’s corset.

“Just so we’re clear.” Katya foisted Violet up and dropped her on the bed with a yelp. She loomed over the young queen, running her hands down her sides as she slipped the corset off and kissed the exposed skin of her stomach. She worked her way down, gently pushing up Violet’s skirt, and continued: “This is not sex.” She watched Violet’s eyes as she leaned in to kiss the thin layer of cloth covering her erection, leaving a mark. “This is an ancient ritual I learned during my brief but beautiful tryst with Satanism. Violet,” she paused, her mouth twitching, “I am going to suck the life out of you.”

“Well, you better hurry up, bitch,” Violet said, “or you’re not gonna make it another year.”

Katya flashed her teeth and pulled the flimsy bit of cloth aside.

Three years ago, Violet pulled Katya aside to ask him:

“Hey. Are you fucked up right now?”

Katya blinked up at the young queen, the skin around his eyes a deep purple. They were in the alley behind the theater, out of drag, waiting to shoot some stupid q&as for the reunion. It was the first time they had seen each other since Katya packed his shit and exited stage 6 for the last time.

It had been about 6 months since his last meeting. He couldn’t remember how long it had been since he slept.

Katya wasn’t very skilled when it came to mathematics, but the sum was…dreary.

It’s alright, man, his sponsor assured him. You’ll be alright. Don’t beat yourself up. This is all so new.

“You’re going to have to be more specific?”

Violet stared him down and Katya shifted uncomfortably.

“Whatever,” Violet said. “It’s none of my business. Are you okay, though?”

Katya flashed his teeth. “I’ll be fine, mom.”

Violet nodded slowly, eyes narrow. “Alright, girl. Let’s get back in there before they think I’m sucking your dick.”

Back at the hotel, Violet gasped and clutched at Katya as she climbed up to catch her in a breathless kiss.

Katya broke away to ask, “Did it work?”

Violet hummed in thought, pulling her back in. They felt Katya gently grind her erection into their stomach. Violet finally broke the kiss to say, “I still feel extremely young and beautiful, but you… look as decrepit as ever.”

Katya laughed, leaning her head into Violet’s shoulder.

“Maybe I got it backwards,” she said. “Let’s try something else.”

*

Violet loved the way Katya looked at her when she took her into their mouth, her pupils so big and black they almost absorbed the green of her eyes entirely.

Katya didn’t have any tattoos, but sometimes Violet fantasized about leaving a mark on her; on her thigh or her hip or her ass. Some kind of memento for her to look at long after they’ve stopped engaging in these trysts.

So if the drugs burn the memories out of your brain, they thought, her fingers digging into the flesh of Katya’s ass, you’ll at least have that.

*

“I can’t believe I’m 35,” Katya said, later.

“Neither can I, honestly.” They looked at each other, and at the same time said:

“I thought I’d be dead by now.”

“I thought you’d be dead by now.”

They both cackled and Violet laid a hand over Katya’s face, covering her grin. She moved her hand to graze her thumb over the lines at the corner of Katya’s eye, her mouth.

They locked eyes. The silence made the hair on the back of Violet’s neck bristle.

“You’re on your way to becoming a beautiful corpse,” she said, breaking the silence. Katya blinked away whatever that look in her eyes was and laughed again.

“You morbid bitch,” she said, pressing a kiss to the palm of Violet’s hand. “I can’t stand you.”

****

They were being shuttled back to the hotel, chatting.

“Well, I have three jobs back home,” Katya was saying. “My day job is running the costume shop. Boring, but respectable. Then, obviously, drag at night. And then later at night I dick down the male population of the greater Boston area for a reasonable fee.”

“Never for free, huh?”

“Are you asking?”

“I don’t know,” Violet said. “How much can I get for 100 grand?”

Katya laughed while the rest of the van erupted into chaos. “For that large but completely arbitrary sum, you could record and distribute it to thousands of your closest friends.”

Violet gave him a weird little look and smirked.

“Now Violet,” Ginger cut in from the back, “I know you are not trying to solicit lewd and illegal acts from my bee-eff-eff..”

“Um,” Katya interrupted, “you mean soliciting lewd acts from RuPaul’s Drag Race: Season Seven’s Meatiest Tuck,™ thanks, thank you, Ginger.”

Violet laughed at Katya before leaning back to address Ginger. “Relax, Minj. I’m sure she’ll give you a friends and family discount.”

Ginger threw her water bottle at Violet as the van erupted again.

*

It had been three years since Violet grasped Katya’s hands and tried to convince her to stay.

Get it together, girl. You deserve to be in the top three with me, she’d said. Or maybe it was: I want you to be in the top three with me. Katya wasn’t sure because that part didn’t make it onto the show, or onto Untucked; it wasn’t even some bonus clip online, somewhere. Sometimes Katya wondered if he’d dreamt it. Maybe he did.

*

“You’re beautiful. Do you believe me when I say that, Katya?”

Brian wasn’t sure how he got to be in this position, again; standing over a toilet in a cramped bathroom stall with Violet Chachki giving him the most aggressive pep talk of his life.

He thought they’d dragged him in there to do something else.

“C'mon, mom, you’re giving me a hard-on,” he said. Violet squinted at him. Brian tried not to focus on the quail-like bun on their head.

“Hey,” they looked into his eyes, “show me you believe me.”

He held their gaze for a moment before reaching a hand up cradle the back of their head. “Violet Chachki,” he said, invoking Katya’s rarely heard Russian accent, “is that really you?” His thumb brushed Violet’s ear as he pulled them down to meet him, their mouths fitting together gently.

Of course, there was vodka on their tongue. Violet’s worries were always exacerbated by alcohol. They wrapped their arm around Katya as they pressed their body against his. He pulled out of their kiss to trail down Violet’s throat, stopping to suck and nip at the valley between their throat and shoulder. Violet groaned and rocked their hips into Katya’s knee, murmuring. 

“You look like shit,” they said, “like you haven’t been sleeping, again.” Brian bit down a little harder. Violet gasped and Brian spun them around, pressing their front into the stall door and gripping their hips.

“They won’t let me sleep, mother,” he said, leaning in, “they whip me; or worse, insult my hairline.”

“You can’t keep it up,” Violet said. Katya ground his crotch against her ass.

“Watch me,” he said.

“You’ll die.” Violet turned their head to catch his eyes as they wiggled against his erection. “And if you’re dead, we can’t do this anymore.”

“Uh,” Brian ground into their ass again, reaching around to unbutton Violet’s fly, “not true. Haven’t you been fucked by a ghost before, Violet? I have.”

*

“I had such a crush on you.”

Katya looked up from his cereal. “You’re joking.”

Violet shook their head. “I was always trying to get you to notice me or make you laugh and you never. Paid attention.” They snorted at the dumbfounded look on Katya’s face. “I would get so pissed when Pearl came back from your fucking smoke breaks giggling about some stupid thing you said–”

“I said plenty of stupid things to you!”

Violet rolled their eyes. “I even–” they stopped, considering their words. “The whole reason I brought up my porny past in the van was because I thought it might impress you, in a weird way?”

Katya dropped her spoon into the bowl with a loud clack.

“You’re kidding.” Violet shook her head again. Katya stared at her, a manic grin spreading across her face. “Well, Violet, I guess if we’re being honest, I googled the hell out of you looking for that damn video as soon as I got home. As soon as I got home. And I didn’t find it. But I did jack off furiously to the thought of it.”

“Really?” Violet squinted, weirdly flattered by this information. Katya nodded jerkily, sputtering in the affirmative. “That’s funny.”

Katya was still shaking her head at her, amazed. “You whore,” she muttered. “I knew you had ulterior motives when you fucking smeared your lipstick all over my face in front of the entire fucking judges panel. No! You know what I thought after that?”

Violet didn’t seem keen to hear the answer, but they asked anyway. “What?”

“I thought: Violet is trying to sneak me into the finals by tricking the producers into thinking we’re a ‘thing.’” Violet’s jaw hung open as Katya cackled. “I did! I thought that. Clearly I overestimated your calculations. Underestimated?“ He set his bowl down and walked over to grab Violet’s hand. “What I’m trying to say, Violet, is that I’m really bad at math.”

*

Three years ago, Violet asked Katya to split an Uber.

“I know we’re all at the same hotel, but,” Violet began, “winners should ride together.” Katya laughed and called her awful, squeezing into the back of the Honda.

At the hotel, Katya walked Violet to their room and before she could turn to go, Violet grabbed her hand and said: “where are you going?”

“Uh,” Katya searched her memory, trying to think of some obligation she’d forgotten. “To bed?”

Violet nodded slowly. “Yeah,” she said. “With me.”

And Katya, dazed despite how painfully sober she was, did not resist as America’s newly-crowned Drag Superstar lead her into the darkness.

*

Three years ago, in a hotel room in Los Angeles (the “winners suite,” Violet called it), Brian snatched the memo pad off the nightstand while Jason chewed on a bagel, zoning out to the 16 and Pregnant rerun on TV.

“Alright, so,” Brian wrapped his non-writing arm around Jason's naked shoulders and began to scribble on the pad. “Let’s see… Six or seven minutes of French kissing…Ten minutes of fellatio…swallowed… okay. Factor in the break here. After the break I gave you a couple tugs, but I was in a good mood so I won’t count that–”

“What are you talking about?” Jason said, trying to read all the nonsense he was writing down.

“…and then last but not least: full penetration to completion. Perfect. Gonna carry the one here, and… yep. That’ll be 100,000 dollars, please.”

Jason's gaze slid from the notepad to Brian.

“You fucking kill me,” they said.

“I will if you don’t pay me.” Brian flashed his teeth. Jason's eyebrows shot up.

“What are you gonna do, old man?” They said, laughing. “Fuck me to death?”

“I’m 32, you fucking bitch, and no, that’ll cost extra and will require some notarized forms,” Brian said, leaning in to catch Violet’s smirking lips. “But I think we can work something out, if you’re interested.”

*

Katya was wrapped around Violet somewhere in Europe when she said, “you know what’s absolutely insane?”

Violet leaned back. “How good my ass feels? I know.”

Katya mapped her face with her eyes, one hand tracing the curve of Violet’s long neck. “We’re here because of a fucking drag TV show.”

Violet smiled a little, confused.

“What do you mean? Like, in Europe?” Katya shook his head. Violet’s eyes narrowed. “You mean you and me.”

“Uh,” Katya chuckled, smoothing back Violet’s hair, “yeah.”

“You think I wouldn’t have seduced you if we weren’t sisters?”

“Oh, please, Violet,” and now Katya was finally hitting her wall with Violet’s self-love bullshit. It was nice at first, and definitely an enviable trait; but sometimes she was just full of shit. “You would have totally ignored me in real life, probably would have had me preemptively blocked on every dating app imaginable–”

Violet interrupted his rant with a scoff.

“Excuse you, bitch? You don’t know me,” Katya rolled his eyes and Violet pushed away from him, sitting up. “I’m totally into the whole… ‘aging goth dad’ thing.” Katya stared at her for a moment before snorting, the shade too accurate to ignore. “This is exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Violet said, their hand wandering underneath the sheets to give Katya’s exhausted cock an affectionate squeeze. “You never give yourself enough credit.”

*

He pushed into her and Violet gasped, reaching back to grasp whatever they could reach of Katya as he rocked into her with a growl.

“I love fucking you,” he said, thrusting into her again and again. “I love fucking you. I love fucking you. Violet?” Katya reached for her cock, “I love fucking you.”

“Don’t you dare,” Violet groaned as Katya began to stroke her cock in time with his thrusts, “stop.”

“I can’t,” he said. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”

*

Violet quietly slipped back into their overalls, trying not to disturb Katya as he slept. They checked their phone, scrolled through the notifications. They put their phone down and watched Katya sleep.

It was time to go, so why weren’t they going?

Their heart jumped when they realized Katya was staring back at them.

“You okay?” Katya murmured.

“Fine,” Violet replied. “Just getting some water.”

If Katya was conscious enough to notice that Violet had to undress before returning to bed, he didn’t say anything; only curled his arm around them as Violet let themself drift back to sleep.

****

Violet had never seen Katya in a man’s suit before.

“Rick Moranis realness, bitch,” she said.

“Oh honey,” Trixie piped in from across the room, “honey I shrunk the kids? More like honey I shrunk the dicks. Honey OH HONEEEEEY…”

“Is that the only suit you own?” Violet asked. Katya laughed before admitting that yes, it was. “And you wore it to set up your booth?”

“No! It’s for the party, later. I actually bought it for a wedding. A straight wedding,” he clarified, tipping his fake glasses so they knew he was serious. Violet nodded.

“I only wear suits to funerals,” Violet said.

“I told Katya she looks like a goddamned mortician,” Trixie piped in again.

“She did,” Katya confirmed. “Feel free to wear a beautiful gown to my funeral, though, Violet.”

“As if I’m gonna show up.”

Katya shook his head, “As if you could resist a chance to show up the widow Mattel.”

Violet smirked in Trixie’s direction. “I don’t know, man. I may be a cunt, but even I don’t think I have it in me to embarrass someone at a funeral. Even if it is just… yours.”

“You gonna embarrass me before or after animal control mistakes you for the show pony that done gone and escaped from the petting zoo, Chachki?” 

Katya cackled. Violet socked him in the arm.

“Now,” Trixie appeared before them, irritated and sweaty. “Are you idiots going to help me set up this booth, or are you gonna keep flirting like the disgusting pig sluts that you are?”

*

“I don’t know what to do about you,” Katya said between kisses, tossing his jacket aside and gripping Violet’s chin with one hand as he clumsily unbuttoned his shirt. “You are so,” he detached himself from Violet’s lips to look at them with an exaggerated sneer, “problematic.”

“At least I don’t call people retards,” Violet retorted, tossing their shirt aside. “You fucking Masshole.”

Katya froze, shirt hanging open. He licked his lips, about to respond, when Violet suddenly stood up, fingering the collar of Katya’s shirt as they walked around him like a panther circling its prey. Katya watched Violet quietly as they leaned in, pressing their hands to his chest…and pushed him backwards onto the bed.

Katya howled, stretching his arms over his head for a moment before sitting up on his elbows to eye Violet.

“That was so hot,” he said as Violet climbed over him, pressing him backwards into the bed, “You should push me around more oft–”

Violet shut him up with a kiss, grinding their erection against his.

“Take your fucking pants off.” Katya scrambled to undo his fly, shaking out of his pants while Violet kicked their shorts off.

Violet caught Katya in another, slower kiss as they positioned his cock at their entrance and sank down.

Katya gasped against Violet’s mouth, his hands flying to grip their hips as they bucked forward.

“I’m fucking you,” Violet said, hitched voice mocking as they bounced on his dick a few times before finally leaning in so a chuckling Katya could squeeze them close and begin to thrust his hips up, again and again.

“I love you,” he said with each thrust. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Violet pulled their head up to look him in the eyes, their hair sticking to their face. “Don’t,” they said, their breath hot against his face, “stop.”

“I can’t,” Katya said, bucking his hips up to meet Violet as the young queen buried their face into the crook of his neck. “I can’t, Violet. I can’t. I can’t.”

[thought-dragon]

Quarantining

Most of the modern world seems to be in a state of limbo. In a long, long state of pause.... or decline? Something like that. I mean its not good. But I have always believed in karmic cycles, in that I hope that humanity is really learning something deep about this experience. With the bad, comes with much good. The pandemic has uprooted lives, and turned things upside down, literally for the past 2 months in the US. I haven’t socialized physically very much. When it first started, I think my close friends and I did a lot more video chats together, and there was a lot of rave quarantining; it was so interesting, seeing people try to come together; everyone was really trying hard to be optimistic in a sea of devastation and negativity. There was all these DJs putting on virtual shows and events for fans. I know its promotional purposes, and that the end goal, they want to keep their future looking good when quarantine ends, but I think the greater good of being good hosts is the return of value that producers give to clients. I should try to remember this moving forward.

But all of that is sort of taking a toll... I have less online meetings now; I largely already do a lot of things by myself, but at the beginning, there was people doing something I did at the same time too. I think this just really proves, with all the new articles popping up, that: how zoom meetings are taxing your energy, people feeling bad because they haven’t done anything “productive” or something that is meaningful, or just always trying to be “on” and working.

I will be honest; I have spent probably 150 hours playing Animal Crossing New Horizons. I keep thinking in my head, it’s a huge mistake, Peter shouldn’t have done it (buy it), but I couldn’t resist. I actually hate the money system, but actually, I think its a good tool to teach younger kids who have free time what it means to “save up” for a house, for a dream, commerce, stocks, and trade. But, I feel bad putting ALL that time in a game that isn’t real. Meanwhile, my boyfriend had to work part-time because his hours at work was reduced, and I got laid off from a temp job. I mean it was a full-time, temporary position, but it would have greatly helped me with rent for the next 2 months. I’m so frustrated at myself, because I lost so much momentum from the beginning of the year. A large part of my moments before bed, I think about how much of a failure I am at securing a job, or how much of a leech I am because I can’t get myself to want to find work right now. I’m depressed all the fucking time. I know because sometimes, I really just want to keep sleeping; I’m tired a lot. Sometimes nothing makes me want to wake up. And I feel so bad. I don’t want to be, but here we are. Well, the good is that sometimes, I do wake up, and I do my very best not to play any Animal Crossing, but I fail when I don’t have any structure. I’m almost lost now, I don’t know what to do when I don’t play. But I’ve been trying to clear away the brain fog. Sometimes I have an idea about what’s important to me and my life. I’ve actually, I feel like I’m “waking up” as I become less and less interested in playing.

I’m trying to remember that, the things that are my personal end goals. What do I want out of my life, and trying to do the things that will get me there. I’m sure a large part of my forgetfulness comes from aging, there isn’t any other way to explain it. Through time, I feel like as a person, I get less and less interested, less of a wonder about my life and the world; I am less interested in possibilities, and more interested in things happening right now.

My childish thinking has shifted to, a much much mature perspective. With it though, comes with a lot of skepticism and suspicion. Take for example, I had a good relationship with a male friend. He stopped talking to me pretty much last year, and this happened drastically after I said I had a boyfriend, which is weird to me because he still talked to me before then, there wasn’t any inkling of the friendship turning romantic at all. I still don’t believe that said person liked me, maybe they didn’t feel compelled to talk to me anymore because *he* got a girlfriend; this I would not be surprised because it’s happened before. Anyway, after months and months of quiet, he comes out of the blue to ask for a custom commission.

Mind you, what I said up there in the previous paragraphs about my mental state. Never would I admit this to anyone. Why? I’m not intentionally trying to play a pity card on me, so I’d rather not -- just deal with it, you know. So I unhappily agreed -- but, what I really should have done was say no. I didn’t because, why not? An extra $100, will pay my grocery bills for the month. Also, I wanted Peter to think I was at least trying to use my creative skills for monetary usefulness. Long story; sit back; I said I would not draw anything for his project, and would take official artwork since he wanted it themed after a certain remake game. He NEVER said anything: I gave him first drafts to look over. He literally said it looked good. NEVER said he wanted it a particular way at all. Like he didn’t ever *try* to talk more details with me. I told him to message me over the weekend about the project when he asked me to do it at the beginning too. Did not. I also did a previous work for him, and spent SO much time on his fucking piece, only to be paid $50, and then he felt bad, so he gave me another $50. Whoop dee doo, a fucking $100 for a 3 day project, thanks... >_> I made sure this wasn’t going to happen again, so I stated as above, but some people don’t ever read everything, apparently, or gloss over details.

So I send in 2nd draft, and all of a sudden! He’s like, I was hoping you’d draw for me instead, even though I fucking wasted time with grabbing the official artwork, and actually masking the characters out. He constantly praised me for my art, but fuck, he compliments everything all the time, and never once sat down to discuss project details, as stated previous paragraph. Compliments and project details are 2 fucking different things. Basically, he was hinted at what he wanted and expected what happened last time, but I’m not fucking wasting my time drawing 3 days worth for $150, friend or no. You’re also a 34? something man, pay your service person. But no, he guilt trips me with friend card, saying if his friends asked him for his expertise, he would do it for free.  Fuck you. Seriously. He gave me computer advice a lot of the times, but I could get that anywhere on the internet for free, not to mention countless other friends I could ask information about, and then do it myself. He does mention that he could have turned to someone else online to do the graphic for him, but he would rather give the money to friends, but does that mean, he’s taking advantage of me as a friend because I’ll do it cheap or what? He then says, his discord and twitch isn’t anything serious. Does that mean, the art I make isn’t merited because you just willy-nilly felt like having something custom?

Look, a long time ago, a googly-eyed Tannie would have given a fuck about his trivial problems, but 31 year old me is grown up, with bills to pay, a future to look to, and stress. Lot’s of stress. And anxiety, that’s always there. He never bothered to ask me how I’m doing, he never bothered to talk to me very much or give a fuck when it mattered as a “friend.” I can’t believe he played the friend card like that. It’s bullshit.

After that, I just said I didn’t have anything else to say. All the words left me, because I felt as if anything I said would have made me a petty and bad friend. I also felt that he didn’t deserve any sort of explanation. If I’m a bad person, so be it. I’m actually fine with this person out of my life. Nothing has actually changed at all, because he didn’t offer value anymore. But you know what, it’s fine. I give a lot of things to my friends. I give so much to the people who mean the world to me, but if don’t feel like I’m being given the quality I deserve, I just say, fuck it. No more time wasted. I just can’t anymore. Why do I constantly feel like I’m being taken for granted? I always thought I had great friends. But ditch the male friends, they mean nothing once you have a solid SO. This old friend is going into the “forget-that” bin.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I sent him his fucking dumb revisions, and most of the money back -- he used to buy me games when I was super broke, but I’m throwing that shit back in his face, if that’s what friendship amounts to.

And afterwards, I slowly tried to finish off other projects. Everyday was a small effort to do something important. Like even if it was 15 minutes. But it’s 15 minutes compared to no minutes. I think at this time, I can only make myself do a little at a time, and I hope that the small effort will eventually accrue into something bigger in the long run.

[shakeurspeare]

hi i feel really dumb about dating and it’s making me pretty sad but also I found someone who feels the same and we’re probs gonna drink about it this weekend so that’s nice to look forward to 

so like. in middle school my logic was that I feel equally attracted to guys as to girls so obviously I’m bi, right?? bc when i thought about it at the time like I could definitely see myself being close to girls and guys were just this mystery group but like sometimes i got crushes i think so that made the most sense

and then in high school i realized that the reason i’m equally attracted to guys and girls is that i’m actually not attracted to either haha whoops and i haven’t actually wanted to date any specific guys since like early elementary school (and does that really even count???) so i guess I’m ace and homoromantic bc that makes the most sense

so then i get to college and a couple people have asked me out in the past few years but mostly I avoid people who might make a move or like... act differently until I’m positive they don’t wanna ask me out anymore. and that’s fine. I don’t have time to figure out my issues with vulnerability and why the thought of sex freaks me out like nothing else. I have friends and i’m not too lonely and things are fine

but THEN last year i met this guy at band camp. literally within the week i was determined that this kid is gonna be my friend, god dammit. He’s kinda quiet, kinda solemn, but sarcastic and funny and really nice and willing to do a lot for everyone, including strangers and people who have done him wrong. he’s into magic and dnd and overwatch and pro-gaming but he also is very aware of the issues within the communities and he’s very outspoken about all kinds of equality. basically, he’s a funny liberal nerd who has good fashion sense and cares a lot about other people. i’m going off on a tangent because i’m dumb and i don’t give myself many opportunities to gush about him

so we become friends (it’s slow-going, there’s a lot of times that i’m worried he’ll think I’m hitting on him or being creepy, a few times where i feel like i overstepped because i’m an anxious idiot who doesn’t actually know how to pursue a friendship that doesn’t come naturally and he naturally assumes that people don’t strongly want to be his friend) and by the end of the season we’re close enough that we’ve made a group of four to room together for a band trip.

last spring i realized that like... i really wouldn’t mind dating him. it’s just a small thought in the back of my head. the thought of sex still terrifies me, that’s still out of the question, but i like, want to hold his hand and be able to tell him he’s cute and i love when he dorks out and i love that he has all these random history and mechanical knowledge that makes its way into our conversations. but i’m also 1000% down to stay friends, in fact that’s preferable because I don’t know the first thing about being in a relationship, and it took so long to get to being friends that there’s no room in my mind to think that he would want to date. we also talk a lot about his dating life because he’s had some bad relationships in the past and he doesn’t think he’s good at it and it’s something that’s on his mind a lot. but he’s mentioned enough about his dating preferences that i have sincere doubts that he’d like me enough to get over his dislike of dating friends. so we’re fine, and I stop thinking about it

i sublet his apartment from him for the summer and we see each other probably two weeks total out of the summer break; sometimes he comes back to the apartment for events going on, i go to his hometown for a festival, we meet somewhere in the middle to see a dci show. but we’re texting every day, usually something near morning time and a decent conversation in the afternoon/evening and it’ll go into the night when (usually) i fall asleep in the middle of a conversation that i’ll respond to the next morning. rinse, recycle, repeat. i haven’t enjoyed texting someone so frequently, like, ever. near the end of the summer we talk on the phone a couple times, because he’s more stressed about things and he has like an hour and a half commute around the same time that i get out of lab and it’s a lot easier to call than for him to use talk-to-text. it’s nice.

band camp this year was super stressful. we’re both on staff so we spend a lot of the day separately handling things and getting to know people and doing what needs to be done, then we’d get (second) dinner after that and chat. he doesn’t feel like he can fill the previous section leader’s shoes. i’m optimistic and i believe that the staff are rough but manageable. we spend about ten days going to bed at 1 or 2, waking up at 6 or 7, and spending the rest of our time running around and playing music and getting to know 10 new members and welcoming back the other 20 members of the section. it’s tiring; we both got sick during it and tbh i don’t think either of us are 100% over it

i start spending a lot more time at the apartment, even though i have a job at my dorm. at some point i’m pretty sure i was sleeping over 3 or 4 nights a week. i would go a whole weekend without stepping foot in my dorm. we start getting more touchy. it’s small at first, but it gets to the point where we’ll do that hand touching thing that i really like, where we just put our hands together and fiddle with each other’s fingers (i don’t actually know what to call it, it’s just me fiddling and twitching but with the bonus of human contact) or he’ll give me a shoulder rub because i seem stressed. but also sometimes he’ll pull away suddenly or i’ll try to give him a shoulder rub and he’ll make a joke “you know how i feel about being touched” and he’ll move away. and i do know how he feels about being touched: it’s something that, other than some casual touches (a hand on the shoulder, that sort of thing), he only does with someone he’s dating. but also he’s initiating a lot of this, so maybe he’s branching out from that ideology? or maybe he’s interested in me? or maybe he just doesn’t know how to tell me that he’s super uncomfortable with me touching him and he really would like us to go back to not touching??? so i spend a few days stressing that i’m being a mega creep before he starts a convo about it and explains. us being touchy is nice but he feels like he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too because it’s something he’d only do with someone he’s dating and sometimes he does it and it’s like 30% unconscious and that wigs him out

so obviously the answer is that we (essentially) stop touching and that could be that but i’m dumb and i want to double check so i ask if it’s because he doesn’t want us to date and he says yeah, us dating really isn’t in his plan and sorry if that’s hurtful, and i could also leave it there but i’m like, a super masochist and i like being on the same page with people so i tell him that us dating has been a possibility on my mind and that i’d like to take a few days to like back off and firmly tell myself that we aren’t dating and we won’t be dating and to chill tf out, but i wanted to let him know that’s what i’m doing so i’m not like, backing out of being friends

and we’re both miserable for a week, bc when i try to go back to business as usual he’s acting weird and distant and my immediate assumption is that he decided that i am, in fact, a creep and he no longer wants to be friends with me but dammit, he could at least tell me that instead of looking sad and distant and not talking to me unless it’s band related

so i give him a couple days of that, and we do a campus scavenger hunt together because we had signed up for it before everything crashed on us and we were going to pretend everything is fine, god dammit, except it was awkward and he was sad the whole time and i was hurt and frustrated, but we won like 5th place or something so that was cool

and once the weekend’s over i text him something vaguely along the lines of “so are we still friends or nah” and he tells me he’s been isolating himself and he feels like everyone is better off without him and he needs to stop holding me back and nobody needs him so he should just let us all go. like he’s not suicidal but he’s depressed and bad at realizing people like him. so i go to the apartment and for the first time in like six months i knock on the door because i told him i was coming over but i also feel like he has a right to yell at me to go away through the door if that’s what he’s feeling

but he lets me in and he tells me he should just get out of my way because i don’t need him and i tell him that he’s right, i don’t need anyone. this isn’t about need. but i sure as hell enjoy having him as a friend and i’ve been miserable this past week when that was taken away from me, and he just told me he’s been miserable too, so why the fuck should we both be miserable when we could just stop being dumb and be friends again

but also now we’re both miserable (for external reasons, mostly) and i don’t want to stop hanging out so much because i feel like we both need it, but i also need to stop because it doesn’t seem to bother him but it sure as hell has me confused because i can’t stop thinking that we might as well be dating but if we were dating then i’d actually get to hug him and cuddle and tell him i love him

and i feel like he doesn’t really have other people to hang out with and i don’t really feel like i have that either and maybe that’s all the more reason for us to back off a little bit more but i don’t want to. i’m very weak and tired and i just want someone to hug me for 30 minutes and it’s not going to be him and i don’t think it’s going to be anyone rn so i’m just constantly sad and in need of a hug that will never come

i think i need to have another good sob session on someone but i’m fresh out of people that i’m comfortable doing that to, both in the sense that i don’t want to be vulnerable enough to cry on anyone and that the one person i would be willing to do that to is someone who doesn’t need to hear all about how i can’t get the fuck over him