#13 year old me would be APPALLED at this behavior

[ariesbilly]

people on this website will be like “this is a SAFE space! DNI if you are CONSERVATIVE!” and the proceed to list a million things they wont interact with that is just like... absolute puritan behavior

[5uptic]

.

[zuko-always-lies]

How was 13 year old Zuko really like?

This is a complex and hard to answer question, since we have only have four (mostly indirect) sources on this matter, and they’re all problematic to one degree or another.   That being said, I think there’s enough evidence to suggest he might not exactly have been exactly like how fans tend to imagine.

The main source that we have on 13 year old Zuko, and the only source that really influences fandom perception of him, is Iroh’s story of the Agni Kai, which suggests certain things about him.  Zuko comes off as brash, assertive, kind-hearted and empathetic, loyal, and imperialistic.  It also seems like he has a good relationship with Iroh and is very respectful of him. 

This issue with relying solely on this narrative is that it’s not only very short, but it’s also told by Iroh, someone who is very sympathetic to Zuko. I’m sure the broad course of events he gives is correct, but he’s unlikely to include any details, or to call attention to any patterns of behavior, which would put Zuko in a more negative light.

The second source we can use, if with hesitancy, is Zhao’s comment on younger Zuko:

Zhao: The Fire Lord will finally claim victory in this war. Zuko: (Cut to Zuko's upper body.) If my father thinks the rest of the world will follow him willingly, then he is a fool. (Zhao sits in the chair next to Zuko.) Zhao: Two years at sea have done little to temper your tongue. (pause) So, how is your search for the Avatar going?

Zhao might only be remembering Zuko’s comment which led to the Agni Kai. Although he doesn’t seem to have been present at that war meeting, he could have heard the story from someone else. On the other hand, maybe Zuko had a broader pattern of saying things that the members of the court considered disrespectful and bold, and Zhao is remembering that.

Our third source must be used with even more caution.  Ozai is an abusive father, and any narrative he spins is likely to be highly self-serving. Still, I find this comment interesting:

Zuko: For so long, all I wanted was you to love me, to accept me. I thought it was my honor that I wanted but really, I was just trying to please you. You, my father, who banished me just for talking out of turn. (points a sword at Ozai) My father, who challenged me; a 13-year-old boy to an Agni Kai. How can you possibly justify a duel with a child? Fire Lord Ozai: It was to teach you respect.

Maybe Ozai is just referring to Zuko’s comment in the war room, or maybe Ozai’s burning of Zuko was to a degree prompted by a broader pattern of Zuko behaving in a manner Ozai considered to be “disrespectful.”

However, we don’t only need to rely on such dubious sources, because we have access to a couple of Zuko’s memories of how he was like when he was 13:

Iroh: (off screen) What a stunning view. (Cut to a frontal shot of Zuko with Iroh behind him. Both are in their Season 1 outfits. Zuko has a large, white bandage over the scarred side of his face with a cloth strap secured in place.) Zuko: The only view I'm interested in seeing (Iroh's expression changes into sadness) is the Avatar in chains. Iroh: (He takes a step towards his nephew) You know, (Cut to an overhead shot of the 2 standing at the edge of a platform in front of the 3 statues present day Zuko landed on earlier) the Avatar hasn't been seen for a 100 years. (The camera pans down slowly) The chances of finding him here are very slim. (Cut to a shot of Zuko's bandaged side) Zuko: First, we'll check each of the air temples. (takes a few steps forward, looking around) Then we'll scour the world, searching even the most remote locations until we find him. Iroh: (Iroh looks on, concerned) Prince Zuko, it's only been a week since your banishment. (Cut to a far back view shot of the 2) You should take some time to heal and rest. Zuko: (turns around and raises his voice) What else would I expect to hear from the laziest man in the Fire Nation? (Cut to a close up of Iroh's slightly appalled face as he looks down and sighs) The only way (Cut back to a frontal shot of uncle and nephew) to regain my honor is to find the Avatar. So I will.

Zuko: If I have to, I will spend every day of the rest of my life hunting the Avatar. I know it's my destiny to capture him. (Iroh places his hand on Zuko's shoulder from off screen and the camera zooms out to reveal him.) Iroh: You know, Prince Zuko, destiny is a funny thing. You never know how things are going to work out. But if you keep an open mind and an open heart, I promise you will find your own destiny someday.

There are two issues with these as sources. First, these came after Zuko was burned and banished, and that experience might have already significantly changed his personality. Second, Zuko remember these when he’s agnsting over his treatment of Iroh, so he’s more likely to remember times when he was a jerk to Iroh.

Still, I think that this source, unlike the others, shows Zuko being disrespectful toward Iroh is significant.  16 year old Zuko is often very disrespectful toward his uncle, and this flashback suggests that this is a consistent trend from when Zuko was relatively young.

When we examine all of these sources together, two things stand out as consistent: 13 year old Zuko was bold and assertive, and he was often disrespectful, or he at least often behaved in a manner perceived to be disrespectful.  This isn’t to say that he “deserved to be abused” or any bullcrap like that, but I still find it interesting.

[oldmanbayou]

2023 Year End Survey

1. How did you ring in the new year for 2023? caught covid for the third time

2. Who did you kiss at midnight/your first kiss in 2023? Ames

3. What did you do in 2023 that you’d never done before?: drove a standard, lived alone, grew carrots

4. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? It looks like my new years resolution last year was to opt out of sibling birthdays, which yes, I absolutely succeeded at. Didn't shop for any of them, didn't worry or think about their birthdays coming up, I don't think I even bothered wishing them a happy birthday!

I can't imagine I'll be making any new years resolutions for 2024--I need a break from failure.

5. Did anyone close to you give birth?: God I hope not.

6. Did anyone close to you die?: My sister's cat Snickers was such a love.

7. What places did you visit?: Disneyland and Baltimore

8. What would you like to have in 2024 that you lacked in 2023?: joy

9. What dates from 2023 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: January 13 - Nermal Day March 14 - The day the sky fell September 11 - Grimey left Day December 12 - Grimey return day

10. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: Making it to the end.

11. What was your biggest failure?: Taking out the trash while Grimey was away. Giving Nermal a better life. Keeping the chickens safe from each other. Keeping the truck alive. Get a passport. Not panicking on a work trip where I had to god forbid, travel alone. Not panicking in the middle of the bread aisle. Not panicking every time I leave the house. Not dissociating for 3 months. Not just living off of goldfish crackers and popcorn for 3 months. Among a million other things.

12. Did you suffer illness or injury?: crippling depression

13. What was the best thing you bought?: an awl

14. Whose events required celebration?: Grimey fulfilled his life dream of wrestling in Japan.

15. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: It's hard to be furious at others when I've paid no attention whatsoever to the world outside my own head.

16. Where did most of your money go?: Besides the boring american adult stuff like property tax and health insurance premiums -- My immune system seems to behave like a 90-year-old, so my doctor ordered a bunch of lab tests to rule things out. Since everything came back negative, my insurance company disagreed that the tests were medically necessary. I am severely phobic of needles--I don't just take blood tests for funsies, you chumps.

17. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: Grimey coming home

18. What song will always remind you of 2023?: probably David Teie's Music for Cats

Compared to this time last year, are you: a) Happier or sadder?: sadder

b) Thinner or fatter?: thinner

c) Richer or poorer?: poorer

19. What do you wish you’d done more of?: die

20. What do you wish you’d done less of?: exist

21. Did you fall in love in 2023?: no

22. How many one-night stands?: No.

23. How many people did you kiss? No.

24. What was your favourite TV program?: I think I've only tried watching one thing this year -- the Haunting of Hill House. I can't follow anything anymore but it was helping me sleep for a while until the characters seem to have gotten trapped in some funeral home for what felt like an eternity. I had to give up.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?: It's hard to hate anyone when you're not really existing in the physical world.

26. What was the best book you read?: I haven't read a thing this year

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: I haven't really had time or energy to discover

28. What did you want and get?: Three things in no particular order - #1 I've been tearing my house apart periodically for YEARS searching for a copy of an old family home movie of peak sentimental value that everyone has thought was lost for good, causing some pretty serious grief in the Viola family. I remembered my dad had digitized it before the video was lost, but I seemed to be the only one with this memory and I was starting to wonder if I made it up and was merely clinging to false hope. Well, my sister's husband/my brother-on-law has achieved sainthood. He recently stumbled on, buried in the wrong case in their basement, the digital copy my dad had made years ago. So I am NOT crazy - not this time - and the Viola family can feel whole once again! #2 - New Zelda game #3 - Grimey came home

29. What did you want and not get?: a frickin break

30. What was your favorite film of this year?: I haven't seen anything this year that really managed to captivate me but I'm going to vote for Asteroid City.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: I turned 39. It feels like an era ago and I can't remember a thing about it. Grimey says we went to the Brimfield Antiques Faire.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: If our fence hadn't collapsed in March. I feel I need to explain because I'm NOT upset about the fence collapsing in a storm--it was due to collapse and before it even collapsed, "fix sketchy looking fence when the ground thaws" was high on our house project list for the year. But it is the timing of the collapse and the domino effect it caused that set off neverending chaos that I am STILL battling.

Cleaning up the damage took my time and attention away from Nermal, and completely destroyed a critical period of acclimating him to the other cats and the rest of the house. Now I'm left with a choice of either imprisoning Nermal in the office, where he quickly goes feral and creates a toxic work environment where I get hissed at if I need to move and feel like I'm encroaching on his privacy every time I enter the room. He also gets depressed and grieves because of course he has to be besties with Huffy, and with Huffy also besties with Tews, I can't like, imprison Huffy too so Nermal is kept happy because then I'd have Tews who's grieving and Huffy who is annoying and scratching at the door all day. OR I can constantly supervise two cats who literally try to murder each other and get blood all over the floor if I dare turn my back on them for two seconds because god forbid I might want to pee or get something to eat or check to see what the chickens are alarming at. I've had better luck introducing cats by NOT introducing them than I have had with these two--y'know the anti-Jackson Galaxy, "just let them have at it" reckless baby boomer method. They'd have been better off if I just did that than if I had tried. THIS is Kitty Hell.

The collapsed fence cooped the chickens up while their spring hormones were out of wack and set off a Great Hen War. I had to watch Redd get her comb torn off under my watch and Mini-Redd get most of her beak torn off. I'm not going to lie -- I'm traumatized by it.

The garden had a rough start because the fence collapsing caused the hawk net over the chicken yard to collapsed and crush everything underneath. I had to rebuild everything at the beginning of spring and lost March and April. Many of my seedlings died from neglect because I didn't have time to care for them, and a lot of things I planned to plant I never actually got around to planting. Meanwhile, Grimey got signed to a year-long contract in Japan and with both of our heads in completely different places, I don't feel like either of us were really emotionally available to each other for most of the year. With so much nonstop chaos to deal with through the whole year, I also didn't have room in my head to emotionally prepare for being on my own.

I wasn't just dealing with the fence dominoes -- it's truly been one thing after another this year starting from the very beginning, but without the fence dominoes, I could have better coped with the other shit and ended the year feeling like it was a more average year of shit rather than like....a year completely engulfed in flames.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2023?: flannel

34. What kept you sane?: wandering around Hyrule naked

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: Mr Trash Wheel and his family

36. What political issue stirred you the most?: I honestly don't even know what's happened this year outside of my own home. Is Biden still president?

37. Who do you miss?: Matthew Perry

38. Who was the best new person you met?: I have a new coworker, Wendy who is lovely.

39. Who were your closest friends in 2023? Ames

40. What are you doing to ring in 2024? taking this fine survey

41. Who do you plan on kissing to ring in 2024? Ames

42. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2023: No

[perryvonvicious]

2022 End-Of-Year Survey

I used to fill one of these out every year, and with my re-adoption of tumblr, why not bring it back?

1. How did you ring in the new year for 2022? I was probably asleep. Otherwise, I likely wished my wife a Happy New Year, as we would have been just sitting in the living room, doing nothing.

2. Who did you kiss at midnight/your first kiss in 2022? My wife.

3. What did you do in 2022 that you'd never done before?: Lots of stuff... I took a picture with Grave Digger for the first time. I also wrestled in Tennessee.

4. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't make new year's resolutions.

5. Did anyone close to you give birth?: None that I can think of, but I'm only really close with my wife, my wrestling friends, and my parents, so there's not a lot of options there.

6. Did anyone close to you die?: Gallagher

7. What places did you visit?: Tennessee, Cleveland, Disney World, Indianapolis, Erie Pennsylvania

8. What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022?: Big muscles and a sick tan. (Maybe a power wheels monster truck.)

9. What dates from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: I don't remember dates very well.

10. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: I was invited by John Hodgman to be a part of his holiday stage show with Jonathan Coulton and many other notable celebs. I also removed a room from our house. I also did a very bad moonsault.

11. What was your biggest failure?: Probably the aforementioned moonsault

12. Did you suffer illness or injury?: I had a few bad colds. Also probably some mental illness.

13. What was the best thing you bought?: My 3D resin printer, or our 1981 Volkswagen Rabbit Pickup.

14. Whose events required celebration?: My wife did a crazy good job with our garden.

15. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: A few of my former coworkers.

16. Where did most of your money go?: Either house projects or buying our truck.

17. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: I learned to love wrestling again. We also went to Disney World, and that always gets me excited.

18. What song will always remind you of 2022?: Tiny Tim's "Livin' In The Sunlight"

Compared to this time last year, are you: a) Happier or sadder?: Happier.

b) Thinner or fatter?: Fatter.

c) Richer or poorer?: Richer

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?: Working out, eating right.

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?: Stressing out about my jobs.

21. Did you fall in love in 2022?: I fell in love in 2007.

22. How many one-night stands?: My wife and I have two night stands... one on each side of our bed. Mine has a lamp on it.

23. How many people did you kiss? My wife.

24. What was your favorite TV program?: YouTube.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: I don't think so.

26. What was the best book you read?: The Residents: A Sight for Sore Eyes: Vol. 1

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: Math The Band

28. What did you want and get?: 3D resin printer, table saw, impact driver, Grave Digger-themed wrestling gear, 1981 Volkswagen Rabbit pickup, trip to Disney World.

29. What did you want and not get?: Mental stability.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?: Weird: The Al Yankovic Story.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: I turned 38. I started a new job that day... so, I worked.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: Better-managing my stress levels... and working out WAY more.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?: Pajama pants and novelty tank tops.

34. What kept you sane?: Nothing.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: I enjoyed learning more about Tiny Tim.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?: Probably a few, but I'm not interested in discussing that.

37. Who do you miss?: I don't know. Probably lots of people.

38. Who was the best new person you met?: O'Shay Edwards. He's a fantastic wrestler, and a delightful person to spend time around.

39. Who were your closest friends in 2022? In no particular order: Torres, Rip, Delmi, ZPB, Levi, Anton.

40. What are you doing to ring in 2023? Typing these answers.

41. Who do you plan on kissing to ring in 2023? My wife.

42. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022: Don't hesitate to just quit a job, when it becomes a burden on your mental health. There's always other jobs.

[deeahhnuh]

2022!

I've done this year-in-review thing since 2007! 2007-2012 are over on my old LiveJournal, and 2013-on are right here on my Tumblr. :)

I didn't do one of these for 2021, whoops, but that was a weird year for me anyway so let's just get things going again with - 2022! :)

What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before?

Cut my own bangs! Okay, technically I did try giving myself bangs when I was like 13 or something, but that was a fail. This time, I have to say, they turned out very very nicely imho! I'm still quite shocked I (think I) pulled it off!

---

Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Never make any formal ones, but as usual for the New Year, I want to be sure to be careful and mindful about my health!

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Did anyone close to you give birth?

Two family friends - they're sisters! - gave birth to sweet baby boys like a month apart! Pure joy. ♥

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Did anyone close to you die?

No, thank goodness.

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What countries did you visit?

Ha, I'm quite the homebody - none

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What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022?

I'm hugely grateful for what I do have, but I have to admit I do have some humble ambitions and hopes that I would like to work on making happen in 2023 - or at least get some kind of show on the road! :)

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What date(s) from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 2022 - I had my last appointment with my psychiatrist of almost 16 years, because he is retiring. I'll remember this date as it's all a bit of an end of an era! No words can ever sum up his incredibly positive influence on my life. So I'm sad, but more than anything, I'm just thankful that I had his care for as long as I did! ♥

---

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I didn't completely botch my bangs lol!

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What was your biggest failure?

I don't think I made any total goofs this year, yay!

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Did you suffer illness or injury?

Oh my goodness, I had to get a dang tooth extracted a few days after Thanksgiving! The oral surgeon was a magician or something: I had almost no pain afterward, so my biggest "issue" was just me making sure I followed the recovery instructions to the letter. Which I did, apparently; at the follow-up appointment, he said "I can tell you followed all the steps exactly!" :) Tldr: I'm doing fine now!

---

What was the best thing you bought?

Music. And perfume; but music, man. I need it.

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Whose behavior merited celebration?

That oral surgeon, for one, lol!

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Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Not so much a behavior, but the perspective that COVID-19 is "over." Couldn't be me.

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Where did most of your money go?

Music. Perfume.

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What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Holidays and birthdays!

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What song will always remind you of 2022?

SOOOoooo many. Check out my 2022 list of my iPod (and Spotify) hits on my Spotify!

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Compared to this time last year (2021), are you:

Better, by at least a bit!

---

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Listen to more new music releases, watch more new shows, see more new movies! There's always so much to discover!

---

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worry? But I'm so good at it, lol!

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How did you spend Christmas?

Fam and ham. Two good things that are great together!

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What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2022?

I don't think I was too much of a doofus this year, tbh!

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How many one-night stands?

Ha, zero

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What was your favorite TV program?

The stupid: cartoons (Family Guy and South Park: I have trash taste) and Real Housewives of wherever (and other Bravo fare)

The not stupid: Abbott Elementary, Better Call Saul, The Orville, Shining Vale, Only Murders in the Building, What We Do in the Shadows, The Patient. Also, Space Force. I know it was canceled (boo!), and it was panned a lot, but it was fun!

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How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022?

Business on top, pajamas on the bottom

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What kept you sane?

Music. Spotify is a gift and there's so much music to find! (But I do tend to listen to the same stuff all the time lol)

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Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Lol no

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What was the best book you read in 2022?

Lol I suck, nothing to report (again)

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What was your greatest musical discovery?

Not really a discovery, because I knew about it already, but I did buy, listen to, and love some old "winter editions" of the Ministry of Sound Addicted to Bass series of releases. A pointless thing to do! But I had a good time.

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What did you want and get?

Addicted to Bass winter editions! Nah, but for real, I have the things I need and I'm grateful about it! ♥

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What did you want and not get?

See above! I'm good. :)

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What was your favorite film of this year?

Watched a lot of great movies this year - see my Scrapbook! But my fave 2022 releases? Elvis was a spectacle and Bullet Train was bombastic fun. New-to-me faves? I've known about Crossing Delancey but hadn't seen the whole movie until this year - it's precious! So is You Can't Take It with You! And Educating Rita is adorable too. Doing a 180 from precious and adorable - Shadow of the Vampire, which is bonkers but kind of a delight. Finally, special shout-out to The Beatles: Get Back. It was incredible to see and I loved it!

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What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Visited with my bro & sis-in-law and parents and had a great time! 36!

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What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Nah, I'm happy with what I've got. Whatever didn't pan out this year can always come through in the next, or the one after that. :)

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Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I'm reminded of little Mary and Violet in It's a Wonderful Life! Mary says "You like every boy," to which Violet just smiles and replies "What's wrong with that?" That's me, I'm Violet. Anyways, I dug Ringo in Get Back earlier in the year, then I didn't mind the Austin Butler buzz re: Elvis, and wrapped up the year thinking Michael Shannon ain't half bad for some reason. Who knows what next year will bring lol?

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What political issue stirred you the most?

It's all a mess!

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Who did you miss?

Family - those we've lost, and those who are simply not near. ♥

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What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022?

As usual - we need hope. We just do. I certainly do! :)

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What quote can be used to sum up your year?

Lol it's a South Park quote, but hear me out -

Butters: "I love life."

Stan: "Huh? But you just got dumped."

Butters: "Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin' really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I'm feelin' is like a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid."

Goth Kid 2: "Yeah."

Stan: "No. No, Butters, that doesn't sound stupid at all."

---

So that was my 2022. Here's to 2023! Happy (early) New Year, Tumblr! :)

[descendantofthesparrow]

Shuffle Playlist - Rewrite - Part of Your World - part 13 - Safe and sound

=

You woke up to Evie gently pushing at your shoulder Hey, we’re back” she whispered, carefully stepping over your legs and out of the limo, Carlos and Dude exiting just behind her. You groaned as you released Harry's hand and unwound your arm from around his shoulder, you cupped his cheek, and rubbed your thumb against it to wake him up.

Gil stretched and groaned as his back cracked, he looked down and poked Harry's forehead “Dude, come on wake up, we’re home” Harry slowly blinked awake, wincing in pain as he slowly sat up “Woah are you still hurting?”

“Sore” Harry muttered,  letting his head fall back on the seat as he tried to stretch out his legs “I think Mal's spell took away the main stuff but I gotta deal with the end healing shit”

“ouch,” you muttered, grabbing onto Harry's hands and tugging him out of the car “come on, let's get you a hot shower or something, you need to relax after the last two days, and plus you don’t smell all that good” Harry snorted at that and grabbed onto the door frame to lean on as he got out of the limo.

“yeh try being a nasty ass cell for two days with no bathroom” he joked, giving you a soft smile when you just looked at him. “sorry, yeh know that’s how I deal with stuff love” you rolled your eyes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“yeah yeah, come on” you intertwined your hand with Harry’s and walked after the others who were just a little ways ahead of you. Gil stepped to Harry’s other side and tossed his arm around his neck, not wanting to let go yet.

Lonnie walked off towards the school building, waving the group goodbye as she went to go put away the fencing swords.

“Ben! There you are!” Jane rushed up to Ben's side, holding her tablet in her arms “Cotillion is tomorrow!” she ushered him closer, showing him the stained-glass window design “This is your design for Mal's window, isn’t it beautiful she’s gonna love it!” Ben turned away from Jane and leaned close to Mal, whispering to her;

“Hey…should we cancel?” Mal looked up at him, if they suddenly canceled the day before the cotillion, the press would go wild, and Mal didn’t know how to deal with that.

She slightly shook her head, Jane saw their looks and attempted to backtrack for a bit to come back later. You smiled at Harry and walked up to Ben, tapping his shoulder to make him turn to you.

“Tomorrow is exactly six months since the vks came, just change what we're celebrating” you whispered, Mal and Ben, grinning at you as you said it.

“Actually…that's perfect” Ben muttered, turning back to Jane and nodding at her “Yeah, um, no it's fine…looks good.” he turned to Mal, nodding at her “Do whatever you need to do” she nodded back, watching him walk off with Jane.

Evie linked her arm with Mal’s and started to guide her to a private area “We need to talk” Evie muttered, Mal letting out a small sigh, she had already explained mostly everything on the isle, but there were still some things to be said.

“Yeah” Mal muttered back, the two girls stopped as Carlos stepped behind them.

“No.” Evie and Mal turned, their brows furrowed in confusion.

“No?” Evie asked, slightly appalled at Carlos’ random objection.

Carlos licked his lips, glancing at Jay before looking back at the girls “you guys are always going off in a huddle, whispering your…girl-talk stuff, or whatever…and Jay and I are tired of it!” Jay shook his head immediately, holding up his hands a bit.

“I’m not.” he shrugged as Carlos glared at him a bit. Carlos rolled his eyes and looked back at Mal and Evie.

“We’re you’re family too. We’ve been through a lot, together…and I’m not stopping that now, okay?” it was a moment of silence as everyone stared at Carlos, who watched Mal as she nodded in agreement. With her approval, Carlos looked to Jay and Evie “Everyone sit” he plopped down to the ground, looking up at everyone as they just raised their brows “Come on” as Jay, Evie, and Mal slowly sat down on the grass, Carlos turned, stopping you, Gil, and Harry in your tracks as you walked towards the dorms. “you too!”

You gestured to Harry, who was about two seconds from falling asleep again “I said everyone sit, this is a mandatory VK meeting” he yelled, smirking as Gil shrugged and helped Harry over to the circle, Harry sitting down next to Carlos as Gil plopped down next to Jay. You shuffled your feet awkwardly before Carlos turned back and nodded his head towards the circle “I said all of us, that includes honorary VKs” you gave a small smile and walked over, sitting down next to Harry and snorting a bit as he leaned into you, arm wrapping around your waist.

It was silent for a moment as everyone stared at each other awkwardly, before Carlos broke the silence again. “I don’t know how to start girl talk” you snorted, pressing your face into Harry’s side.

Jay pursed his lips, shrugging a bit “what up?” Evie laughed a bit, as Mal took a deep breath.

“Well…I’m a mess” she started, letting out a sigh as she started to pull grass from the ground “I’m such a fucking mess, like-six months ago I was stealing candy from babies and planning to take over the world and now-now everyone seems to want me to be this picture-perfect princess who never messes up and I’m just so stressed because it was such a sudden change and I've been freaking out for the last five months? And-and I broke up with Ben because I realized that I’m NOT ready for a relationship yet and-and it was moving so damn fast-and” Mal was speaking so quickly she hardly had time to take a breath. You finally decided to butt in, grabbing onto her moving hand.

“Woah woah woah, slow down Mal, take a long deep breath and hold it” Mal followed your instructions, taking a deep breath and holding it as you held your hand up. “Now let it go, slowly” as you lowered your hand, Mal followed with releasing her breath, her slightly glowing stressed eyes calming as her shoulders slumped “Better?”

She gave a watery smile and nodded, reaching up and rubbing at her eyes to rid of the stress tears “Yeah, thank you” you nodded, squeezing her hand before letting it go and leaning back against Harry.

“Now, Mal” she looked back up at you “ I’m going to give it to you straight, all of what you just ranted about? Your fault” Evie gasped, grabbing onto Mal's shoulders and attempting to rebuttal but Mal knocked her hands off and sighed.

“No Evie, I need to hear this, I’m not six years old needing to be given the happy dappy glitter version of everything” she looked back at you, nodding for you to continue.

You nodded back “Having to be ‘a perfect princess’? no one ever made you do that, that was all on your own. The fast relationship with Ben…okay that’s on both of you, yall NEVER talk about anything and in Auradon, it’s filled with people who get married after knowing each other for three hours, so it's on him for not asking you if you were okay with moving that fast and it's on you for not telling him you aren’t comfortable moving that fast.” Mal pressed her lips together and nodded, looking down at her hands that were clenched on her pants. “and good on you for breaking up with Ben” she looked back up with wide eyes “because in my world, yall “broke up” for like three hours before getting back together, into a toxic relationship might I add, so I’m proud of you for taking the mature step and breaking up with him…for what reason?” Mal shrugged.

“Mental stuff, it was going too fast and he kinda…doesn’t help with my…what did you call it?” you hummed and looked off for a moment.

“um, god complex?” she pointed at you and nodded.

“Yeah that, he doesn’t…try to call me out on anything, like-yes he got angry with me for using magic to cheat with my lady of the court stuff and I get why he got angry with me, but…he doesn’t call me out on the important stuff like….okay two months ago, I royally fucked up with Jane and I kinda…insulted her, I didn’t mean to but it slipped out and, Ben was right there and he did…nothing, no ‘Mal that was mean go apologize’ no ‘Mal think before you speak’ nothing, he just stood there and acted like I had done nothing wrong!” you clicked your tongue.

“He did that with Audrey too, she's more passive-aggressive on things and petty as all hell, and when she would, well, insult Jane for her hair, or Lonnie for preferring sports over mani-pedis, he acted like she didn’t say anything at all. That’s something he needs to work on, and I think he does that because of his parents.” The vks looked at you confused “Well look at them, Beast locked all the villains away on an isle and kept you all on there as if you had done something to the people in Auradon, when you didn’t you are all innocent kids just trying to survive, not once did Belle speak up against that, and that’s something she passed down to Ben, she ignores the red flags in someone because she loves him and in turn that encourages his behavior! That’s what Ben does with you and what he did with Audrey, you both have some nasty habits, Audrey’s passive-aggressiveness, and your lying tendencies.

He needs to see that what he has been taught is wrong, just like you’re learning what was wrong with your parent's teachings, you don’t need to lie or cheat your way through life, sometimes just being true to yourself and others gets you farther than anything else. Ben needs to learn that he doesn’t have to stand by and watch as everything else happens around him, he was able to break free of that before with bringing you six over but then…he lost it, and I don’t know what happened but he was so adamant of giving you guys a chance and was protective over you and then….I don’t know, he just…changed”

It was a few moments of tense silence as the VKs realized Ben had changed throughout the last couple of months.  You waved off your rand “Sorry, that got away from me there, but we can talk about it properly later, but Mal, no one forced you to change, no one, that was all you. And I know you were only thinking of being accepted by the people of Auradon but that wasn’t good, you don’t NEED to be accepted by everyone in the world, you don’t NEED to be liked by everyone, because there's always going to be a handful of people who don’t, and that’s okay. What's important now is that you find yourself and become a better person in turn, yeah?”

Mal took a shuddering breath and nodded, giving you a tight-lipped smile. “Yeah…thank you (y/n)” she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around you tightly “I needed that”

You patted her back “I’m always here to give it to you straight” Mal pulled back and rubbed her eyes.

“Well…this was dumb” Jay muttered, starting to stand when Evie stopped him.

“Maybe it wasn’t” she took Mal's hand, smiling at you for a moment before looking back at the vks “We’re always gonna be the kids from the isle…I tried to forget it…I really tried. But those are our roots, and I know you two, Harry and Gil” they perked up a bit, raising their brows “never tried to forget it like I did…or Mal did. But there's really nothing to be ashamed of for being from the isle, because it made us into who we are today, we’re villain kids, and that’s never going to change.” Harry, Gil, and Carlos gave her a look as if they were saying.

‘We were never trying to change it but okay?’ Evie waved her hand at them in dismissal.

“Point is, there is no reason we have to change for anybody because who we are right now, is great…because it’s us” Mal smiled at Evie and leaned into her side, squeezing her hand “and if they don’t like us for being isle kids….tough shit” you cackled at that.

“oohohoh! The princess swore! Not something you hear every day!” Evie rolled her eyes as the rest of the VKs laughed at your remark. She turned to Mal.

“I’m going to make some changes to your dress, and if you’re up for it, only if you’re up for it…it'll be waiting for you” Mal nodded, leaning into Evie as she wrapped her arms around Mal's shoulders and hugged her.

Evie looked at you and mouthed; ‘thank you’ you nodded back and stood, holding out your hand to Harry and helping him stand. The others stood moments later and started walking towards the dorms, Jay's arm tossed over Mal's shoulder as they walked side by side.

You sighed, turning to Harry with a smile “How bout a self-care afternoon huh?” Harry grinned at that and nodded, leaning into you as you took his hand again and walked back to the dorms.

“I’m starving, see you guys later!” Gil walked the opposite way of you, waving you goodbye as he walked over to the cafeteria.

“See ya Gil!” you yelled back, leaning your head on Harry’s shoulder as he moved his arm around your neck.

-

Carlos smirked as Jane rushed past him with a panicked look. “Jane!” he called, laughing a bit as the girl jumped and spun around to look at him.

“Carlos!” she rushed up to him and grabbed his shoulder “do you know where Gil is?!” Carlos snickered and pointed towards the cafeteria.

“yeah, he went to go get food, good luck!” Jane grinned at Carlos and spun on her heel, running towards the cafeteria, pulling out a small box and a sparkly blue envelope from her bag.

It was only one more day till cotillion! And she didn’t want to risk losing Gil to someone else asking him to it…and she didn’t want to ladle punch AGAIN.

“Gil!” he spun around, a small smile growing on his face as she got closer.

“Hey Jane what’s-woah!” she tripped on thin air and flew forward, Gil lunged forward, easily catching her and setting her back on her feet “Careful Jane! Don’t wanna hurt that pretty face of yours” Janes face burned at Gil's words “Sorry, slip of the tongue again heh” he rubbed the back of his neck, glancing back at the cafeteria “So um-what did you…oh!”

Jane looked to the ground and shoved the box and envelope towards Gil. he gently took them from her and opened the box first, humming at the Orange and Blue decorated cupcake that sat inside, he quickly pulled it out, handed the box back to Jane, and ate it. Smirking as Jane giggled at the dollop of orange buttercream on his nose.

He finished off the cupcake and wiped the dollop of blue edible sprinkle covered buttercream off his nose and licked it. He opened the letter and let out a small gasp.

Written on the letter, in Jane’s curly neat handwriting; was an invitation to him.

He slowly looked up from the letter, smiling a bit as he looked at her shy form, her hands covering her burning red cheeks. He folded the letter ad put it in his pocket, reaching out and gently grasping Jane's hands and pulling them off her face. He chuckled at her closed eyes and leaned forward, pecking her forehead. Jane squeaked and looked up at him, her entire face turning red as she stared at him. “You can take that as a Yes, I forgave you a while ago after you made me a cake after your…fiftieth, apology” he laughed “Well I forgave you before that but I realized I still liked you when you did that” Jane giggled, then stopped.

“You-you still like me?” she mumbled, covering her mouth as if she had spilled the world's biggest secret. Gil nodded, smiling as Jane squeaked again.

“I do, and I would be happy to go to cotillion with you…wait our outfits, what if they don’t match?!” he stood, running his fingers through his hair as his eyes blew wide. Jane laughed, reaching out and grabbing his hands.

“Okay okay! I have-I have a solution” she giggled for a moment at his confused yet relieved look “Evie has some ribbon leftover from my dress, you can wear it as a hair tie! And I-I’ll wear one of your bracelets!” Gil grinned, bouncing in place a bit.

“That sounds amazing! Yeah, let's do that” some passing students smiled and shook their heads at the excited maybe-once-again-couple and entered the cafeteria.

“and-and maybe if you don’t hate me again after all of this, maybe, maybe we can get back together?” Jane tried, squealing as Gil nodded and leaned in to kiss her cheek.

“that would be amazing Jane” Gil hummed, rubbing the girl's arms and looking back at the cafeteria “um, food?” Jane clapped her hands, grabbing one of Gils and pulling him into the building.

“Yes! Food!”

-

You turned off the hot running water and stuck your hand into the bubbly hot bathwater, nodding to yourself. “Kay Harry, it's ready!” you shook your hand off and dried it on your pants, walking out of your pretty large bathroom and cooing as you walked out to see Harry curled up on your bed “okay I know you're tired but!”

you climbed onto the bed and gently shook his shoulder, pouting at him as he grumpily looked up at you “you need to take a bath, you stink, your dirty, and it'll help with the soreness” Harry let out a harsh breath, blowing your hair back a bit and sat up, undoing his shoes and letting them drop to the floor, tossing his jacket back at you and walking into the bathroom.

He closed the door and you heard the sound of clothing hit the floor as you gathered up his jacket and hung it in your closet. You walked back over to the bathroom and yelled through the door; “I’m gonna get some   comfy clothes for you okay?!” “Thank yeh love” he yelled back sleepily, you smiled as you heard the sound of water being splashed around. You kicked his fallen boots out of the way and went to his shared room with Gil. you let out a small sigh as you rummaged through his dresser and pulled out a soft long-sleeved shirt with a compass stitch on the chest, black sweatpants, a pair of boxer briefs, deciding to grab a pair of his socks as well before shutting the drawers and walking back to your room.

You knocked on the bathroom door and pushed it open, peeking around the corner to see harry almost completely in the water, only his head to be seen above the bubbles. His bright blue eyes staring straight at you. You lifted up the pile of clothes “got you a change of clothes, they will be on the counter for you when you’re ready” you set the pile on the counter opposite of the bath and turned to walk out of the bathroom to give him some privacy when he whined and reached out to you. You turned with an exasperated laugh “I swear you were a cat with separation anxiety in your past life or something” you snorted, walking over to the bathtub and crouching down next to it, your eyes level with Harry’s now. “Not that it’s a bad thing though.”

He hung his arm over the edge of the tub, making a grabby hand at you and grinning sleepily when you intertwined your fingers with his. You rested your chin on the edge of the bathtub and closed your eyes, just enjoying the peace that you finally had with Harry after a crazy two days of him being missing.

Wait- you perked up, looking down at the water and smirking as the water was no longer clear, but blue and shimmery and smelling of lavender, ocean salt, and a slight hint of vanilla. “You used my bath bombs didn’t you~” you teased, lifting up Harry's hand and pressing your lips to the back of it. He gave a shy smile and shrugged.

“It looked nice” he mumbled, closing his eyes and resting his head against the back of the tub.

“Well, it's fine, go crazy with my shit, anything to help you relax” you sat up and pressed a kiss to his forehead “You deserve some pampering after the days you’ve had” he hummed with a dopey smile on his face, cracking his eyes open as you stood and walked away. As he whined, you turned, smiling as he pouted at you. “I’ll be just outside the door baby” he turned red at the pet name and turned away from you. You chuckled and closed the door most of the way “I’ll leave the door open, yell if you need anything.”

“Kay” was his only response, you snorted a bit and turned, putting your hands on your hips as you overlooked your room…time to do a little R&R redecorating.

First, hang fairy lights above your bed, next, get some big ass blankets and sheets…there should be some extras in the back of your closet.

-

Half an hour after he got in the bath, Harry narrowed his eyes at the large grey basket slightly hidden in the nook below your bathroom counter. You did say he could use any of your stuff. He pulled at the box, smiling a bit at the array of self-care items, ranging from simple face wash to charcoal foam face masks and the little paddles that allowed easy appliance.

He ran his hand through his freshly shampooed hair, which smelled like (fav shampoo/conditioner), and the waft of your (fav body wash smell) body wash floating up, making him inhale your sent with a smile.

He let out a little sigh and rummaged through the basket, brow-raising as he spotted an exfoliating mud mask. He pulled out the small container it was in and nodded, it would do. He grabbed a small bottle of face moisturizer and stood, walking to the door and pulling it open, mouth dropping open at what he saw.

The curtains to your room were closed, shutting it in near darkness, the only light being the soft yellow fairy lights that hung just above your bed, hidden from the rest of the room by large sheets and blankets laying across the bedposts and pinned to the walls.

“Wow,” he muttered, walking into the room and setting the cosmetics on the bed, sitting down and smiling up at the soft lights.

“Like it?” he nodded as you re-entered the room and set your now full bag next to him, he looked down at the bag, tilting his head curiously “I got some snacks that I didn’t have in my room” you pulled out a bag of popped popcorn and handed him the bag, he carefully opened it as you got out more snacks and set them on the bed “So I was thinking, movie cuddle afternoon, and then…I was thinking I could paint your nails?” you suggested, squealing a bit in happiness as Harry grinned at you and nodded “really?” “Aye, sounds fun, what color?” he stuck a handful of popcorn in his mouth and looked at you, smiling as you flicked off stray corn from his lip.

“Black to red ombre, then-your hair is still wet” you sighed, turning to walk back into the bathroom and grab a dry towel. You walked back up to harry and motioned for him to lean towards you, he obeyed and you ruffled the towel in his hair, biting your lip as it already started to floof up. “Actually” you stopped, throwing the towel around his neck and turning back to the bathroom “Better idea”

Harry bobbed his head a bit, listening to the non-existent music in his head as you did whatever in the bathroom. His eyes dropped a bit as he reached next to him and grabbed the box of fruit snacks.

“There we go” he perked up a bit as you suddenly appeared beside him with a hairdryer “Stand up” Harry looked at you with squinted eyes as you plugged the device into the socket next to your bed, eyes following you as you moved to stand in front of him “…Alright then” you stepped up on the bed next to him and plopped down behind him, grabbing his shoulder and guiding him to lean into you.

He happily did so and almost purred as you started to dry his hair, your fingers rubbing comfortingly at his scalp. Five minutes later and Harry was almost asleep, heavily leaning into your hand as you gently guided it around to dry his hair properly. As you felt the warm dry fluffy hair, you nodded to yourself and turned off the hair drier, setting it next to you and letting your hands run through Harry's hair.

He groaned a bit and fell back, cheek resting against your collar bone as you scratched his head. Harry suddenly jumped as a knock suddenly sounded on your door. You gently lifted him out of your lap and let him flop back on the blankets.

You walked over to the door and opened it “Oh!” you stepped outside and closed the door behind you “Fergus! What’s up?”

He furrowed his brows, looking down at your outfit. You glanced down, wincing a bit “That…outfit aside. Ah haven't seen ye or Harry fur a'maist twa days, is everything okay?” you pursed your lips in thought, before sighing.

“Mal went back to the isle and Harry went with her” you held up your hand to stop him from interrupting “Both of them are back now and Harry went through some shit when he was there, right now we're both just relaxing until tomorrow…okay?” Fergus glanced back up at your door and slowly nodded.

“Harry...he's okay sricht?” you paused, Fergus’s eyes widened for a moment “Ye hesitated” he pointed out, gritting his teeth anxiously as you waved him off.

“I did…Harry’s dad is a piece of shit that’s all I’ll say, if you need to know anything else, either ask Harry or ask me to get permission from him, I won't just blab away about what happened” Fergus nodded, reaching up and patting your shoulder.

“A'richt then... I’ll see ye twa efter okay?” you smiled at him and patted his arm, turning to walk back into your room.

“See you later” you opened the door and stepped inside, shutting the door with your foot. You looked down at your outfit and sighed, you were still in full isle gear, minus the hook and sword. You shrugged off Harry’s jacket and tossed it on your desk chair.

You walked over to your dresser and grabbed one of Harry’s black long sleeves that you had commandeered from him a few weeks back and a pair of black sweats.

You walked over to the bathroom, cooing at Harry already curled up in your large red fluffy blanket, tufts of dark brown-black hair peeking out from the top and light snores reaching your ears.

You walked into the bathroom and quickly changed, you walked back out and placed your boots next to Harry’s, and chucked your old set of clothes into your laundry.

You cleaned up the scattered snacks on the bed and set them on your table set by your tv. You grabbed the cosmetics Harry had put on your bed and walked over to the side he was mostly laying on, shaking his shoulder a bit. He grumbled and popped his head out of the folds of the blanket, sleepy ocean blue staring into you “Don’t you want to do the face stuff?” he slowly nodded as his mind caught up to your words and sat up, the blanket falling around his hips. He patted his cheeks to wake himself a bit and grabbed the items from you, spreading the mud mask on his face as you turned on the tv and went through your movies.

“So, what are we watching” you asked, tilting your head towards Harry a bit, wanting to hear what his maybe request would be.

“Um, Ah dinnae know...something lighthearted?” he tried, his accent slipping deeper than usual. You giggled a bit, poor baby, so tired.

“Um, how bout…Pirates of the Caribbean; Dead man's chest?” Harry almost snapped awake at that, he grinned and nodded enthusiastically. “Okay, it's not light-hearted buts it a hella good movie”

You put in the blue-ray disc and walked back over to the bathroom, taking out your black and red nail polish, along with the top and bottom coats. “Alright scooch forward” Harry did so, eyes locked onto the Tv. You sat behind him, legs on either side of his torso, and grabbed onto his shoulder, pulling him towards your chest, his head resting just beneath your chin. “Hand please” he lifted his right hand, letting you grab onto it and start painting his nails.

The next twenty minutes of you painting his nails and him watching the movie were silent and calming, you felt Harry almost drift off multiple times before snapping back awake when someone spoke or action exploded on the screen. You cursed as you had forgotten the hardening nail UV light thing to let Harry move his hands without worrying about ruining the polish. You patted his shoulder, making him whine again as your warmth disappeared from his back. You returned moments later, resuming the position you had and hardening the polish on his nails.

You glanced at his face, admiring the flutter of his lashes as he fought off sleep, before the mud mask caught your eye “shit!” you once more got off the bed, laughing a bit at Harry's loud complaint as you got a washcloth wet “your mask dummy!” he shut up, scooching towards you as you walked toward him with the wet and warm cloth.

He grabbed it from you and cleaned off the mask, stopping a bit as you opened the bottle of moisturizer and dolloped some on your finger. He dried his face with his sleeve and hummed as you dabbed it on his face and rubbed it into his skin for him “Ta loue” he murmured, you gave him a look and snorted.

“um, English please?” you laughed, pecking his nose and moisturizing your face before putting away the cosmetics.

Harry pouted and shook his head “Thank yeh love” he murmured again, smiling sleepily as you grinned at him.

“You’re welcome baby” you grinned as his face turned pink again. “Come on, how does falling asleep to Pirates of the Caribbean sound?” Harry grinned, tightening his grip on your fluffy red blanked and waiting for you to lay down on the bed before flopping on your chest and nuzzling into your neck.

You felt Harry’s soft breath on your neck as his body relaxed, you closed your eyes, reaching up and placing your hand on the back of his neck, rubbing your thumb as you pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

“A loue ye (y/n)” a soft whisper brushed against your senses, only able to be heard because your ear was right next to his mouth.

You felt a tear slip down your cheek and you wrapped your other arm around his shoulder and held him tighter.

“I love you too Harry”

-end of part 13-

aaand part 13! and we are officially back in Auradon! Mal gets a talking to, Bens weird passiveness is “explained” (and soon to be “fixed”) Jane asked out Gil and he said yes~ and some harry n (y/n) fluff! thanks to @sephiralorange​ for giving me the self care idea n Harry using (y/n) products~!. yes i made the art, i couldn't help myself! next chapter! the last stretch to Cotillion! and to answer anyone's possible question about what happened to Davy? lets just say there's Davy wont be doing anything with his left hand for....well never lol.

hopefully that rewritten vk “girl” talk made sense, but i do want to say if it does sound like im ragging on Ben, i wasn't trying to, i was just trying to possibly explain why he acts like he does in D2 and beyond. also i love Audrey as a character but she's kinda nasty lol 

anyway! permtaglist!

@queer-cosette​ @sephiralorange​

@lunanight2012​ @daughter-of-the-stars11​

@musicarose​ @random-thoughts-003​

@remembered-license​ @imtryingthisout​

@verboetoperee​ @rintheemolion​ @thecaptainsgingersnap​

@descendantsobsessed​ 

taglist

@thesailbells​ @beccad10x​

[torinofushi]

So typically I don't write down my opinions to things because I wish to keep my analytical thoughts to myself....however I feel compelled to comment on Yashahime.

Now I grew up with Inuyasha and it was a cornerstone of anime, like it was to many people, growing up. Though to be fair it had some issues of its own....the amount of filler episodes and flashbacks were a bit on the heavy side, but it also had characters that we wanted to know more of. To this day Inuyasha himself has always had a special place in my heart because of how complex he is emotionally.

Now as an adult and a writer...we had Yashahime. Where when I saw the first title card I wanted to know who the children's parents were. I honestly thought at first Towa and Moroha were InuKag daughters and Setsuna may have been a Miroku/Sango or hell even Kohaku daughter........ thaaaaat wasn't the case.

To where will get to the elephant in a room here in a moment but some thoughts on the girls themselves.

Towa: She does in her earnest seem to be a sweet character, however muddled a bit where at first she is this rough and tough "human" that can't stick to schools and then suddenly mellows out when she finds her sister? She didn't even super respond to the fact she's half demon....like I would have thought she'd be more shocked since in her new home there are no demons. She just seems a little too focused on her sister....to the point her own character writing seems diminished to me, but she has potential! First episode where she is talking about keeping the future secret was a cool angle......then idea gets scrapped with her handing out candy and whipping out her smart phone??

Setsuna: I am a bit more intrigued by her because she does have some mystery, but more importantly she has her own character and personality compared to her sister. She actually has had some development which feels minimal at 15 episodes in for the series right now. She seems to have traits of her father where I can hardly see any of that with her sister, but she genuinely grows and adapts to caring about Moroha and Towa.

Moroha: I will admit I've stayed this long watching it solely because of this child. She has both her parents traits, I love it when she talks like her father once did. She's something entirely new, I don't think we ever had a quarter demon in the original series. However I HATE how they use her like an exposition bomb. I HATE they don't show all of her emotions! Hell she doesn't even show sadness in not knowing her parents after meeting her uncle or realizing that her two new friends are actually her cousins?! She's focused on the bounties which we still don't know why completely, but we do know why she was separated from her parents now. I wish they'd make her the focus more than the twins because yes the twins are older, let's face it Moroha is keeping the fans in. I think she has great potential and her and Setsuna are by far the most interesting to me...

ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.......SESSRIN

Okay so folks won't lie when I was a wee weeb with the original series I thought that when Rin was grown up (18-20 because in the US thats the fictitious maturity cutoff) she would fall for Sesshomaru as Izayoi did for InuTaisho/Toga. That was when I was younger and thought honestly more likely than that Rin would become an ally to Sesshomaru or perhaps the one to soften his heart and he found a DIFFERENT lady love that was human because of Rin's past kindness. That didn't happen.

Everyone on the internet is commenting and doing math in regards to Rin being the twins mother to which as an almost 30 year old woman I got some thoughts here.

1) With the math, previously the internet said she would be 11 with Inuyasha Final act....however because of people frantically editing I don't know if this is at the beginning or END of Inuyasha where there was a 3 year time skip. So I will give her a range of possibly being 11-13 at the end. Now fast forward to Yashahime episode 15 and she's having twins...Sango's son Hisui is who we are using as a yard stick to the passage of time. I thought he looked young maybe 2-3 however according to his wiki he's 4 years older to the Yashahime girls. So with wiki number it would make Rin 15-18 when she had the twins........

2) People this is a lose lose situation writing wise because if they show her childlike infatuation with Sesshomaru never stopped before she had these girls then that's grooming/groomed behavior or even victim blaming.  If they show Sesshomaru showing interest with her in that sense as she got older that's pedophilia. Yes, I know this was back in Japanese feudal era where it was common to marry at 16-25, yes I know that my culture has its own perspective on predatory behavior and these are two individuals that aren't American or even human, and yes I know that this development hasn't even been fully explained in the series but gods the writing has been atrocious so far and I doubt this will save them.

3) the original series has Kagome age 15 have to deal with propositions and proposals and such where she, as a catalyst for the audience with views closer to our own than a feudal Japanese citizen, was appalled and typically played for laughs. Here in Yashahime they actually DID THAT. Which I don't blame people for being wigged out and disgusted...like what the.... the show itself had a tendency to overexplain EVERYTHING but can't explain the dynamics or progression of what the hell happened here? Because from our/audience perspective it's basically written as "Well she's having kids now." Even Sango, Kagome, and Kaede aren't reacting to anything with this.....not when they had news she was giving birth, not when Sesshomaru shows up, or hell TAKING the girls?!?! The hell is going on???

In short to this rant, Yashahime I think your writing has you in a chokehold. You keep going from explain things only for the audience to know to explain things only for the girls would know which is confusing what your goal/pacing is. Either trust your audience or go full hold our hands, make up your mind. You go into retcons and writing new backstory to important items for the sake of the plot....its a mess.

Old characters used for publicity rather than letting the new characters capture the audience. Honestly if you rearranged your episodes it would have seem more authentic though again good luck with that elephant in the room, its going to turn many fans away.

I don't know guys. I'm not too hopeful they can save themselves at this point. Thanks for reading.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Things We Didn’t Tell You Part 4

Harry Potter AU 

Pairings: Sirius Black x Reader 

Link to Part 3

Rating: M- smut

____

Lily looked up as you stormed out of the house. She had been sitting on a blanket with Harry and Demelza.

“Lily, I’m a woman on the edge.”

Lily winced. She knew that look well. That was the look that any woman who ever was mad at Sirius, for whatever reason, wore so well.

“Why don’t you step out for a little bit...go get some tea or something? There is a nice little tea shop around the corner. I’ll keep an eye on the kids. Oh, before I forget! A little birdy named James Potter told me that the house next door is going up for sale. It would be nice to, you know, be neighbors. When Sirius does something stupid, you can banish him to our couch.”

Lily was relieved when you smiled. The idea of having you a neighbor made Lily beyond happy. Not only would James and Sirius be able to do whatever they did together but Lily would have her own best friend within a few feet,

“I could return to favor when James does something stupid. Considering our choices in husbands, I think we are going to need to be able to help each other. I’ll be back.”

5 minutes later, you sat with a steaming cup of tea. You didn’t want to think of Sirius and Marlene as a couple. Overhearing that conversation certainly didn’t help your already fragile self esteem.

At least Sirius said that he loved you and that he didn’t love her.

That was at least one comforting thought. Even Lily said that she had never heard Sirius say I love you to anyone. It seemed like it took him a month to say it to you...maybe that was a good sign.

“What did he do?”

You looked up to see Regulus standing in front of you.

Great…

You thought. This was just the person that you didn’t want to see. You were still a bundle of nerves from the nightmare and now the main person in it sat across from you.

“Nothing.”

You replied. Regulus rolled his eyes as he leaned back in the chair. You didn’t want to look up at him but you couldn’t help it. It was almost painful to look at Regulus. All you could see was the friend that you lost as a child when he went crazy.

“Come on, Y/n. I’m not an idiot. You have been cold to me from the moment that I walked in James and Lily’s door. I figured that you would be pleased to see that I was admitting to be wrong about everything.”

“If you didn’t get into the dark arts then you wouldn’t have to admit that you were wrong in the first place.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, that’s what it is.”

You nodded.

“Yes! That is exactly what it is! Regulus, you were one of my best friends! You slipped right under my radar and that pisses me off!”

You wanted nothing more than to get up and shake Regulus until he saw your point of view.

“It pisses me off seeing you with my brother.”

“Regulus, don’t….”

He held up a hand.

“No, you need to hear this! I need to say it then we’ll never speak of it again. I loved you, Y/n. I loved you so damn much. You were the perfect girl. I had some vain hope that you would be willing to give me a shot now that I have my head screwed on right. I didn’t care that your brother is a werewolf or what my family said. I finally have the balls to tell my mum to piss off. I thought that you would be proud of me…”

“I am proud of you.”

You said, softly. For a moment, you didn’t want to reply. You were feeling like a bit of a hypocrite for getting mad at Sirius over his conversation with Marlene. Now here you sat having a similar one with Regulus.

Had it been a few years ago, there would have been a good chance that you would have accepted Regulus’ advances. Sirius was still going through his self confessed “hoe phase” and didn’t seem to see you in any light other than “Remus Lupin’s little sister who I like to annoy.” Regulus was the silent brooding sensitive type that you could talk about poetry too. If you tried to talk to Sirius about poetry, he would probably start laughing about how lame Romeo and Juliet were. You would have found that behavior appalling as a teen. Now you would probably giggle at Sirius’ humor. Regulus looked up.

“Why Sirius? I mean, I suppose I get it, he’s always been the good looking one. He has the best personality. I was always some closed minded weakling.”

“Regulus, stop! This isn’t healthy.”

Regulus chuckled.

“Why Sirius?”

His tone went sharp and cold. This was the Regulus Black that scared you. He was now going back into the “perfect son” mode. This was the man that judged you with each cold expression.

“Because I love him.”

You said, softly. Regulus rolled his eyes.

“I thought that you loved me too. I kissed you first.”

“Regulus, we were 13.”

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t go kissing random girls like another man that I know so well. Y/n, you don’t get it. You’ll never get it! You are 18 years old with a baby. Neither Sirius nor yourself needed to be having a child.”

You scooted your chair back like Regulus had slapped you.

“It is what it is! We are happy! Do you want to know why I picked your brother? I picked him because Sirius is a good man. Yes, he can be reckless at points but he’s a good lover and father. I matter to him and he isn’t afraid to tell me that. He didn’t run when I found out that I was pregnant.”

“I wouldn’t have run.”

Regulus snapped. You felt your face beginning to heat up.

“No, I didn’t think you would either but you would be totally closed off to that child just like your father was to you. You would let your mother be awful to me and to the kid! Sirius won’t let that happen. You know, I don’t think that you know your brother at all.”

“I know him better than you do, honey. I grew up with him.”

“You two don‘t have to fight over me. I’m right here.”

Both Regulus and yourself looked up to see Sirius standing right beside the table. Regulus went two shades paler before standing up and storming off.

“He’s so charming.”

Sirius said before taking the seat that Regulus had been occupying. It took all Sirius had not to laugh at the expression on your face.

“I take it you are still mad at me.”

You didn’t reply as Sirius scooted his chair beside you.

“Come on, love. You know how annoying I can be if you ignore me for a long time.”

Sirius leaned over and pressed a kiss to your cheek before moving down to your neck. You tried not to smile. Playing “hard to get” sounded like a great idea, however, your will was breaking down with each kiss and nibble.

“Please, love. That conversation with Marlene meant nothing. You heard me say that I love you and I think that you know I do.”

You giggled after a few more kisses. Sirius quickly sat up straight and laughed.

“There we go. I knew that I could crack that hard to get act.”

“You’re an ass.”

You said with a smile. Sirius nodded, eagerly.

“But you love me.”

“Yes, I do. It just hurt hearing you say that you cared so deeply for Marlene. What if those feelings start to change.”

Sirius’ smile faded immediately. He reached out and stroked his fingers over your hand.

“Love, I care for her as I care for Lily. That’s it. I understand how you feel though. Maybe I worry about Regulus as you do about Marlene.”

“What?”

You squeaked out. Sirius nodded. He absolutely hated admitting that he was worried (and maybe, just maybe, jealous). Sirius couldn’t stand the thought of Regulus touching you. The nightmares you had about did him in. Overhearing your conversion with Regulus today definitely didn’t help those feelings at all! While you said nothing that could have led Regulus on; knowing how his younger brother felt about you was painful.

“You heard me.”

Sirius replied, sadly. His grey eyes rolled to you almost pitifully.

“Sirius, I don’t love him. He’s still apparently stuck in 3rd year.”

“I didn’t know that he kissed you.”

Sirius said, sounding almost like a 13-year-old boy.

“Sirius, I don’t know who all has kissed you. I never told you because it didn’t matter. We were stupid kids then and it meant absolutely nothing to me.”

Sirius smiled.

“We would be here all day if you wanted me to tell you everyone that I have kissed. None of them mattered to me. Those pretty lips of yours are the only ones that matter to me now. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

“I’m sorry too.”

You whispered as Sirius leaned in for another kiss. He was the first to break the kiss but remained close to you.

“Maybe we can throw around that idea of actually getting married again? “

“I would like that.”

You replied before pulling him back into another kiss.

“I like that lipgloss.”

The two of you broke into a silent giggle. Sirius leaned back to kiss you again but froze. You, meanwhile, sat with your eyes closed waiting for his mouth to be back on yours. When nothing happened your eyes snapped open. Sirius sat straight up with a frown on his handsome face.

“Sweetheart?”

You questioned, softly. Sirius didn’t respond for a moment before quickly grabbing your hand.

“We have to go. Now.”

You were confused as Sirius tugged you to your feet.

“Sirius, what is going on? I am…”

“Hello, Sirius.”

You watched Sirius freeze before turning around and lightly shoving you behind him. Almost losing your balance, your face went into Sirius’ back at first. His hand was behind his back holding you in place. You didn’t recognize the voice and tried to figure out who it was.

“Hello, mother.”

Your heart froze. Walburga. You tried to wiggle away from your lover but Sirius wasn’t having any of that.

“It's lovely to see that you think that kind of behavior is appropriate in a public place.”

Sirius faked a shit-eating grin.

“It looks like you were the only one watching.”

Walburga chose to let his comment slide. She was more interested in just what her son had been up to for the past few years.

“Who do you have hiding back there? I’m going to figure out who she is so make this easier for both of us.”

Sirius’ hand let go of yours so you could slowly step out. Your eyes didn’t leave Walburga’s face. The last thing that you were about to do was give her any inclination that you were afraid of her. In the years that you had known Sirius, you had never met his mother, and judging by the expression on his face he didn’t want you to.

Your heart ached at the expression on Sirius’ face. He reminded you of the boy in the photos that you had seen. Sirius again looked like the boy that was done with everybody’s shit.

“You’re the werewolf’s sister aren’t you, child?”

Your attention went back to Walburga. She was beautiful. There was no doubt about that. The realization that Demelza resembled her grandmother a great deal was distressing.

“His name is Remus and he is my brother.”

Walburga didn’t smile. In fact, her expression was almost icy.

“Interesting choice in a wife. Regulus tells me that the two of you have a child.”

Sirius grabbed your hand again. He didn’t think that his mother would try something in front of all of these people but he wasn’t taking any chances.

“Yes.”

Walburga blinked. She half expected Regulus to be over-exaggerating due to his love and potential jealousy over you but she didn’t put it past her eldest son to knock up some disastrous girl.

“How interesting. Your father asked me to invite the two of you to dinner this evening.”

Sirius almost started laughing. What in the actual hell did his parents want to see him for? He was the person that they hated! First, they disown him now they wanted to see him? That was weird. Sirius automatically played through every scenario in his head and didn’t like any of them.

This would be the perfect chance to weasel some information about the other side.”

He thought after a few moments but he also didn’t like the idea of exposing Demelza or you to the viper's nest also known at 12 Grimmauld Place.

“Bring the child.”

Walburga said before turning and walking away without another word.

You, meanwhile, stood watching the woman walk away elegantly. What the actual hell was that? You quickly turned to Sirius.

“You can’t be considering this?”

Sirius sighed and sat back down.

“I don’t like the idea of it but we could get some information out of them. I can go alone.”

You shook your head.

“No! There is no way in hell that I am about to let you go near that woman alone. This would also be a wonderful chance for me to shove it in their smug faces that we don’t need them.”

“Is information really worth this?”

Sirius didn’t look at you. He was already questioning himself enough as it was

“Just don’t get out of my sight.”

You wanted to tell Sirius that this was a horribly reckless idea but didn’t. Judging from the expression on his face, he wouldn't want to hear it anyway. You could only hope that this wouldn’t be some horrible disaster that would wreck Sirius for a long time.

“YOU’RE WHAT?”

James yelled as he followed Sirius through the house. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This had to be the most insane idea ever!

“I may be able to get some information out of them. We need a win on our side.”

Sirius said calmly as he fiddled with the tie that he put on. James had stopped walking and was looking at his best friend as if he had gone totally insane.

“Sirius, you can’t go around those people. They’re insane! Like off the rails coo coo clock insane and you're taking your fiance and baby around them. What if they try to hurt Y/n or Demi?”

Sirius stopped walking and turned to his best friend.

“I’ll kill them. James, please, just go with me on this.”

James took off his glasses and rubbed his face in frustration.

“Sirius, I’m sorry but I am having a hard time here. The last time that we had anything to do with those people it resulted in you showing up at my doorstep half dead.”

You, meanwhile, at the kitchen door in case Sirius lost his temper. James had mentioned several times that Sirius had unfortunately inherited his short fuse from his mother and you were about to have ringside tickets to see this in person. You knew that Sirius wouldn’t hurt James in the slightest, however, you could calm him if things went too far.

“James, just let it be.”

James sighed.

“I suppose that Y/n and I will be here to pick up the pieces once this all goes to hell. Have a good time.”

James gave you a sympathetic smile before walking to the kitchen door. He stopped and looked down at you

“If things get worse, call me. I’ll be there in an instant.”

You nodded as James put a hand on your shoulder then went to join Remus in the kitchen. It didn’t take you being Remus Lupin’s sister to know that he wasn’t happy.

“Ready?”

Sirius’ voice pulled you from your thoughts. Had the situation not been so tense he would have made a witty comment about how amazing you looked in the black vintage cocktail dress that you were wearing. Tonight, however, he didn’t have it in him.

You only nodded as Remus stepped out and handed you Demelza. The poor baby had seemed to pick up on her father’s sullen mood. She looked between Sirius and yourself clearly observing the situation.

“It's alright, sweetheart. Daddy’s fine.”

You whispered, gently as you looked at the baby with a smile. She was dressed in sharp contrast to her parents. You had put her in a simple light blue dress that looked lively. Sirius and yourself looked like the two of you were going to a funeral.

“Doesn’t she look pretty?”

You whispered to Sirius; hoping the subject of his daughter would liven him up some. Sirius’ grey eyes flickered to Demelza.

“Yes.”

You remained silent the whole way to the Black’s home. Sirius was in no mood for talking. The expression on his face alone made your heart ache. This is what his face would look like all the time had he remained with his family. You would have killed for one of his dazzling smiles at the moment.

Standing on the doorstep of Grimmauld Place, neither of you moved to knock on the door. You looked around the neighborhood quietly before turning to your fiance. Sirius was staring at the door blankly.

“What do you suppose they are doing in there?”

You whispered. Sirius glanced over at you.

“Probably sacrificing a chicken to the dark lord.”

“Sirius!”

You snapped. He gave you an innocent shrug.

“You asked.”

He muttered. Taking a breath, you knew that all of this was a bad idea! The two of you needed to leave! There was no business the two of you needed to know that lurked in this home’s dark hallways.

“Sirius, please. Let's just go. This is madness. You’re not yourself. We made the decision a long time ago not to do something like this.”

“We’re already here, Y/n. She will come after us like a damned bloodhound if we don’t.”

Sirius reached out and finally knocked.

Your heart pounded as the next few moments passed in silence. When the door unlocked, you were half tempted to grab Sirius’ hand and apparate the hell out of there.

“Don’t.”

Sirius said sharply as if he was reading your mind. The door opened to reveal one of the meanest ugliest house elf that you had ever seen in your life. His squashed face turned into a cold sneer upon seeing Sirius.

“Master Sirius has returned. Kreacher knew that you would come crawling back.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. This elf was the last thing that he really wanted to deal with at the moment.

“I don’t know about crawling back.”

Sirius muttered as Walburga and Orion Black stepped into the room. One look at her made Sirius want to turn and run. He quickly took the baby out of your arms. If his mother tried anything sneaky, she would have another thing coming.

Walburga’s eyes immediately went to Demelza. She was relieved to see that the little girl looked like their family.

“You two actually came. We figured that you would conveniently forget.”

Walburga said, seeming almost bored. Sirius wanted to say something snarky but decided not to. He glanced over to you and immediately felt guilty. You looked terrified. Sirius internally wondered what the hell he was thinking? He was putting his lover and daughter in danger to see exactly what his parents were up to.

“So is this her?”

Orion’s voice broke his son’s thoughts. Sirius focused his attention on Demelza. The baby was looking in between her parents and grandparents before shoving her face in his shoulder.

Babies can sense evil.

Sirius internally smiled at the thought.

“Yes. This is your granddaughter Demelza.”

Orion nodded.

“She’s a pretty girl. Come, dinner should be ready.”

When Sirius held his hand out for you, you immediately grabbed it. You looked around the house quietly. Everything about it reeked of depression and desolate darkness. There was no wonder that Sirius wanted to run away and Regulus went around the twist.

What seemed to bother you even more was the lack of any hint of Sirius’ existence. Part of you had always hoped that Sirius was in some way exaggerating his parent’s actions of disownment. From where you stood, you could see Sirius’ name being blown off of the family tapestry. You swallowed feeling slightly light headed.

“Alright?”

Sirius’ voice pulled you from your thoughts. He looked down at you sympathetically as you nodded.

Walburga meanwhile, watched as the two of you whispered quietly. Sirius was the first to step away as he pulled out a chair for you. As much as she wanted to be prideful that her eldest son had apparently turned out halfway decent, however, her pride wouldn’t let her.

She let her attention drift toward you. You were a pretty girl; she had to give you that. She could see how you looked at Sirius with love in your eyes. Cute...Walburga could not, however, excuse the fact that you were a half blood and the sister of a werewolf. You had given her a grandchild and that was enough for Walburga. If she got her way, she would make sure that the two of you would be broken up sooner rather than later. The same thing would have happened if you had ended up with Regulus.

The front door opening and closing pulled Walburga out of her cruel thoughts. Regulus stepped into the dinning room with a curt nod.

“Darling, I was wondering when you would get here.”

Walburga said, putting extra emphasis on the word darling. She would never let Sirius forget that he was not her favorite.

“My apologies, mum.”

Regulus glanced at you before quickly looking at. He had met Sirius’ scowl and knew that he better keep things polite. His brother didn’t look like he was ready to play friendly games.

Orion had finally decided to pay attention.

“So what is your name?”

You looked up from Demelza who you had been keeping yourself busy with.

“Y/n Lupin.”

Orion frowned.

“Lupin. That name sounds familiar.”

You had made a silent promise to yourself that you wouldn’t let Walburga or Orion see how nervous you were. They wouldn't see you panic.

“Her brother is one of my best friends.”

Sirius said, quickly. Orion gave his son a disapproving scowl.

“She can answer for herself. How old are you?”

“!8”

You said, softly. Walburga glanced at Regulus, who was looking down at his plate. There was rage in his eyes that his mother had identified as jealousy. Her poor sweetboy still loved the girl that his older brother had obviously stolen.

“So the same age as our Regulus. The two of you must have known each other.”

Walburga said, her eyes not leaving Regulus who had finally looked up. Meanwhile, you nodded as Sirius’ hand slid onto your leg.

“Yes ma’am. We did know each other.”

You put extra emphasis on the word “did.” After the conversation with Regulus earlier in the day it was painfully obvious that you didn’t know him half as well as you had thought.

Orion finally came back into the conversation. He wasn’t about to let the issue of your name go.

“I don’t remember that name. Is your family pure blood.”

“Father.”

Sirius started but Orion, however, cut him off.

“Let the woman speak. She’s a big girl.”

You erased your hand on top of Sirius’.

“I’m half blood. My mother is a muggle.”

You internally winced at the cold expression on Orion and Walburga’s faces. Regulus sunk down in his chair as if his father was about to throw something at you.

“I see. So are the two of you married?”

Sirius had a feeling that he knew where this was going and automatically felt his temper begin to raise.

“Not yet but we will be...soon.”

Orion crossed his arms over his chest.

“Soon? Next week? 3 months from now? Never? Or do you plan to just keep her as some whore who will produce illegitimate children for you?””

You could feel all of the color drain from your face at Orion’s comment. Regulus’ mouth had dropped too. The two of you locked eyes briefly. Neither dared to look at Sirius. You were waiting for Regulus to put the salad bowl in front of him on his head and wait for the world to end.

Sirius’ hand squeezed your thigh almost painfully as he tried to calm himself...however it didn’t work.

He stood up quickly; letting the chair that he was in fall to the floor. “That’s it. I was a fool to think that you lot had changed. You will not talk to her like that! I won’t allow it. Come on, love. Looks like happy family time is over.”

Sirius reached down and pulled you to your feet. You winced as he practically pulled you along with him.

“Sirius, please.”

You whimpered. Sirius quickly realized that his hellish temper was quickly getting out of control and gently returned you to your feet with a quiet sorry. His mother and father were after the two of you like rabid dogs.

“Sirius, if you leave now then you will be disowned again. This is your chance to fix the wrongs you cause as a teenanger.”

Sirius turned back to you with apologetic eyes.

“Love, take the baby and wait for me outside.”

“Sirius, I…”

He put a hand on the side of your face before kissing you gently.

“Everything is just fine. Just wait outside, please”

You reluctantly nodded as Sirius kissed Demelza’s now messy curls. The last thing that you wanted to do was leave him with these people but it seemed that you didn’t have a choice.

When the door closed behind you, everything was suddenly very quiet. You wrapped Demelza tightly in her blanket. Since the sun had gone down, it had become very chilly outside.

“Everything is fine, sweetheart.”

You said softly to the baby. It was more for you than Demelza. She, afterall, had no idea what in the world was going on.

After a few moments, Sirius stepped out. He looked up at you with a nod before holding out his arm.

“Come on.”

Sirius was silent the whole way back to James and Lily’s. Just looking at the expression on his face told you not to ask questions.

James and Remus looked up the moment that the two of you stepped in. Sirius quickly walked up the stairs and closed the bedroom door behind him. James stood and looked after his best friend before turning to you.

“I take it things didn’t go well.”

You snorted.

“That is putting things lightly.”

Remus stood and held out his arms for Demelza.

“I’ll take care of her. You go deal with him.”

Demelza eagerly went to Remus. You were relieved that she quickly took to her uncle as if he had been with her from day one.

“Thanks, guys.”

You said softly before walking up the stairs

Sirius stood by the window with a cigarette in one hand while looking out furiously. You looked at your fiance and took a breath before speaking.

“You haven’t done that since Demi was born.”

“Please don’t start with me, Y/n.”

Sirius snapped, not even bothering to look at you. Deciding to pick and choose your battles, you slowly stepped out of your high heels.

“We are all worried about you. James is ready to go downtown and kick your father’s ass and Remus is making mental notes on where to visit during the next full moon.”

Sirius laughed. He wasn’t surprised by that comment.

“If they wouldn’t get locked up in prison, I wouldn't complain too much.”

You swallowed.

“Sirius, whatever they said to you...none of it's true and I really don’t care about what they said to me. Opinions are like assholes.”

“You didn’t deserve it though.”

Sirius said, sadly. He tossed the cigarette out the window before turning to look at you. The soul sucking guilt hit him like a sack of rocks to the stomach. If only his parents knew how wonderful you were; they wouldn't be calling you a whore.

You shrugged.

“Like I said, love, their opinions mean nothing to me.”

You stepped closer to Sirius and began unbuttoning the dress shirt that he had on.

“What are you doing?”

He asked softly. Your green eyes rolled up to his face.

“I’m getting you naked. You’re going to make rough angry love to me then we are going to go to sleep and pretend this day didn’t happen.”

Sirius smirked.

“You want me to make rough angry love to you?”

You nodded and reached behind you to unzip the dress. When the fabric hit the floor, you kicked it in another direction before laying back on the bed.

“Come here...come get what's yours.”

Sirius didn’t need anymore encouragement. He quickly kicked the pants he was wearing on the floor. Angry sex didn’t sound too bad aftreall.

You gasped as Sirius slammed in. He roughly yanked you thigh over his hip and set up a steady angry pace. You closed your eyes enjoying everything that he had to give you. Angry sex whenever one of you suffered a inconvince in your life was always a go to solution for comfort.

“Sirius, I can’t….”

He growled against your neck.

“Come already woman! I can’t wait!”

It took one more deep thrust to have you spiraling out of control.

When you could think straight, you slowly sat up enough to press a kiss to Sirius’ cheek. When he didn’t smile or kiss you back; you knew that he was still upset. You quickly took your place beside him and snuggled against his chest.

“Was it not good for you?”

“Check between your legs and you’ll have your answer.”

Sirius said coldly. The response was a little shocking. You knew damn well he came inside of you but that didn’t make sex “good.”

“Okay....good night then.”

You quickly turned on your opposite side. Sirius, meanwhile, looked at you back. He was immediately ashamed of his behavior. It wasn’t your fault that his parents emotionally wrecked him again. You were just trying to be a good lover.

“Fuck it.”

Sirius muttered before getting out of bed and pulling on his abandoned pants. He needed air and being this close to you, upset over him, was more than Sirius could handle at the moment.

_______

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[prosopopeya]

New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go?  food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:  i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s. 

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

I know you are really compassionate and patient, but I find myself being intolerant of “pro-Ana” culture and behavior. I didn’t care for it even when I was anorexic, and now I find the whole thing insufferable. The cutesy imagine posts, the “I’m just broken” dramatic sadness, etc. I’m not saying people can’t have their bad emotions, I cried over butter in green beans so many times. But a lot of ED social media feels purposefully over the top and dramatic. I’m finding it hard to be nice -

(2/2) “Oops, sent too soon. To people who post diets and thinspo then pretend they’re only blogging for them, dragging other people down with them. God forbid you call them out on it, even nicely. Maybe I should just leave the ED community all together, recovery and currently sick because it drives me absolutely mad.”

I feel like that’s pretty fair! To be completely honest, I have found it difficult to be patient with that sort of thing as well. I know how far eating disorders can go, and the misery that comes with, and it’s frustrating the way people romanticize it, especially since it was *that* that pulled me into an eating disorder to begin with. I was a kid with problems who found pro Ana, and I can’t help but think my life would have been different if I hadn’t found it. The truth is no Pro Ana blogs are harmless, every single blog encourages and spreads hurtful and dangerous information. And if that makes you feel angry, I feel like that’s fair. We are entitled to our own emotions about things, and your anger is telling you something, and it’s good to think about what it may be telling you about yourself and where your values lie. Emotions are teachers.

I feel like as I’ve gotten older it’s gotten easier to be patient, because I recognize these people mostly as, and I don’t mean this as an insult, children and teens who need help and compassion. They have to be in a pretty low place to be producing that content, and while that doesn’t really make it free if consequence, it’s understandable that that’s how they choose to cope; it may be the only way they know how to. Thinking that allows me to have compassion for that, but, that is my *own* reaction and my *own* choice. We are each entitled to our own reactions on things.

On deciding how to react when angry, my take is that you have to decide whether or not squaring up with what is probably a 13 year old is worth that, as ultimately they are kids, and still learning. In my position as an adult, I feel like it is my responsibility to approach what is probably a child with compassion. While it may be funny in the moment to make a joke, or satisfying to go off , in the end, is making fun of a mentally ill child how I want to get my kicks? It’s just something I consider now when responding, although in the past I used to be a lot more reactionary.

My take with dealing with full grown adults who produce that content is go the frick off- it’s absolutely not okay for them to be using their power as an adult to encourage younger people to be hurting themselves. Using their power as adults to encourage self harm is appalling, especially adult adults. Like 20+ encouraging kids to harm themselves? Yeah. They should know better at that point. I always report that shit when I see it.

Allow yourself to feel what you need to, and decide how you want to respond from there. I can’t tell you what’s right and wrong for you, only you can. You can think on wether or not you want to report the blog, block the person, or respond. I do various amounts of all three, depending.

Best wishes!

Mod Cass.

[zuko-always-lies]

So, question, because I see people saying it often that Iroh has the right to feel animosity towards Azula because she made fun of/derided Lu Ten's death (or something like that), but does she actually do that in that scene? Or does she express disdain for Iroh's reaction, which considering the culture could easily be interpreted as Iroh being the one to make light of it? (Pretty sure there's at least one instance in _Romance of the Three Kingdoms_ where one character absolutely annihilates an opposing force because his brother/father/friend dies, if we want a real-world example of the mentality. Or, like, all of _The Hagakure_.)

Does Azula call Lu Ten a coward for dying? Or does she say that Iroh is for not "getting justice" or revenge for his son's death? For not finishing the task and abandoning the cause Lu Ten died for?

Because one of these means Iroh's dislike could be justified (nevermind the fact that he wasn't present for this conversation, so if he knew about it, he would have only heard about it from Zuko). But the other is an angry/disappointed/disgusted child calling an adult out.

Good question! I think I should start by talking about what Zuko and Azula actually say about Iroh.

"The Western Air Temple"(featuring 13 year old Zuko!):

Iroh: (Iroh looks on, concerned) Prince Zuko, it's only been a week since your banishment. (Cut to a far back view shot of the 2) You should take some time to heal and rest. Zuko: (turns around and raises his voice) What else would I expect to hear from the laziest man in the Fire Nation? (Cut to a close up of Iroh's slightly appalled face as he looks down and sighs) The only way (Cut back to a frontal shot of uncle and nephew) to regain my honor is to find the Avatar. So I will.

"The Headband":

Zuko: (standing at the bars) You brought this on yourself, you know. We could have returned together. You could have been a hero! (Iroh turns a shade further away from Zuko.) You have no right to judge me Uncle. I did what I had to do in Ba Sing Se, and you're a fool for not joining me. (Iroh is silent.) You're not gonna say anything? (Enraged, he kicks a stool and bends a blast of fire at the wall.) Argh! You're a crazy old man! You're crazy, and if you weren't in jail, you'd be sleeping in a gutter!

Zuko says some pretty negative things about Iroh, right to Iroh's face!

Now, what negative things does 14 year old Azula say about Iroh? Surprisingly little, even though she clearly doesn't like him. She implicitly calls him a traitor a couple times(during times when he is, in fact, a traitor by all reasonable definitions), but never really explicitly does so. Beyond that, there's very little. This is the only thing I can think of:

Azula: So...I hear you've been to visit your Uncle Fatso in the prison tower. Zuko: (standing, incensed) That guard told you.

Which is actually way less harsh than what Zuko says about Iroh! If anything, Azula's behavior in the present suggests that she only rarely criticized, much less mocked Iroh's behavior to his face when she was younger.

Now let's turn to the meat of your question, "Zuko Alone." There are two scenes in that episode where Azula criticizes Iroh. The first comes before Lu Ten's death:

Ursa: "And for Azula, a new friend. She wears the latest fashion for Earth Kingdom girls." (As Ursa speaks, Azula picks up a doll wearing Earth Kingdom green. The Princess makes a face of disgust.) Azula: If Uncle doesn't make it back from war, then dad would be next in line to be Fire Lord, wouldn't he? (In the background, Zuko runs around practicing with his new dagger.) Ursa: (disappointed) Azula, we don't speak that way. It would be awful if Uncle Iroh didn't return. And besides, Fire Lord Azulon is a picture of health. Zuko: How would you like it if cousin Lu Ten wanted dad to die? Azula: I still think our dad would make a much better Fire Lord than (looking at the doll with disdain) his royal tea loving kookiness. (She holds out the doll and makes its head burst into flame. The screen flashes white and the flashback ends.

There are several things which seem to be driving Azula's actions here. The first is a reaction to the massive favoritism Iroh just showed toward Zuko. The second is a belief, no doubt inspired by Ozai's poisonous statements about his brother, that Ozai, who Azula idolizes, would make a better Firelord than Iroh. Finally, Azula is a confused child who is asking inappropriate questions because she's too young to understand proper boundaries. Nothing she says here is actually that serious, and I would expect a responsible adult(i.e. not Ursa) to either shrug it off, or to carefully reason with Azula in order to explain why what she is saying is problematic.

Now we turn to the other main scene, the one right after Lu Ten's death, and the one you probably actually wanted me to talk about:

Azula: (getting up and walking over to him) By the way, Uncle's coming home. Zuko: Does that mean we won the war? Azula: No. It mean's Uncle's a quitter and a loser. Zuko: What are you talking about? Uncle's not a quitter. Azula: Oh yes, he is. He found out his son died and he just fell apart. (leaning against a nearby pillar) A real general would stay and burn Ba Sing Se to the ground, not lose the battle and come home crying. Zuko: (angry) How do you know what he should do? (looking down, sadly) He's probably just sad his only kid is gone... forever.

You might note that, again, Azula doesn't say anything negative about Lu Ten. You've already noted that Iroh is thousands of miles away at the moment, so having him be "justified" in his hatred of Azula by a conversation he didn't hear doesn't make sense.

Azula is also very angry in this scene, quite possibly the angriest we ever see her at any point. That does suggest that she's taking what's happened, either Lu Ten's death or the abandonment of the siege, very personally. I don't know enough to comment specifically on this, but you are right in that there might be cultural background which specifically proscribes the achievement of vengeance as being of particular importance, and Azula is thus outraged that Iroh failed to fulfill his duty to his son.

But that not at the core of Azula's critique here. What Azula is attacking Iroh for is that he responded to a personal loss by abandoning his duty in the heat of battle, and she is 100% right on this, not only by the standards of Fire Nation cultural but also by the standards of modern western culture. Fun fact: Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis, and Robert E. Lee(screw the latter two, but that's another story) all suffered the loss of children they dearly loved in the middle of the American Civil War, yet none of them abandoned their duty. Archibald Roosevelt(another problematic figure) had two brothers die in WWII, yet he continued fighting on the front line. John W. Geary literally had his son die in his arms in the middle of battle, yet he continued commanding his unit well enough to prevail. Hell, we can even turn to Joseph Stalin here, to some extent.

Again, the core of what Azula says here is absolutely correct. Iroh is a "quitter" because he responded to Lu Ten's death by falling apart and abandoning the siege when it seemed on the brink of success, rather than continue the operation until victory. I don't think we need to go further than that to establish that Azula is entirely justified calling Iroh out here. And again, she doesn't criticize or mock Lu Ten at all, instead only attacking Iroh's reaction to Lu Ten's death.

[takemeawaytocamelot]

Voices Matter

Okay. This will be a pretty personal post, and maybe a bit long. Feel free  to skip along.

You may or may not be aware that until June of 2019, I had been a delivery driver for a national auto parts chain. Being a young woman in her mid to late 20′s, it was a good job that worked around my school schedule. The downside was working with mechanics. As a whole, they’re an odd bunch. The vast majority of them haven’t matured past 13 or 14 year old boys, so they make a lot of dick jokes. I got a lot of ‘nice rack’ or ‘sorry about my dirty shaft’ jokes too. For the most part, they rolled off my back because after a while, you learn to ignore it. 

One particular shop, however, couldn’t be ignored. It was a small shop owned and run by one guy. Creepy Dave. Now, one thing you should know about me, I’m not a touchy feely person. I don’t typically enjoy physical touch, but with the right people I can do what they need me to do. That being said, I obviously don’t like people invading my personal bubble either.

This is where Creepy Dave comes in. Everyone at the store, both drivers and the guys at the counter, called him Creepy Dave. He’s that creepy. He would regularly do the ‘accidental boob graze’, or some how find a way to touch your hand when taking his invoice from you. He also did the ‘you should smile more’ on a regular basis. This man made every single woman (except for the lady who was in her 60′s) uncomfortable. When I trained new drivers, I had to teach them how to deal with Creepy Dave. Why you ask? Let me tell you.

His behavior was not good, it made everyone uncomfortable and we hated delivering to him. So we’d go to our bosses, who were the store owners, and their response was this: we’ll talk to him.

Talk. To. Him.

That’s it. Because Creepy Dave spent a lot of money at the store, and always paid his bill on time, he was allowed to harass the female employees. Whenever he got a “talking to”, he’d behave for about a week, but then go right back to it. Eventually, we stopped complaining because it didn’t do any good.

Fast forward to about 4 weeks ago. In the years between Creepy Dave and starting my new job at a grocery store, I’ve been in counseling for suffering a sexual trauma when I was very young. I’ve done a lot of healing and a lot of growth since then.

Now, Creepy Dave figured out where I worked. I’ve seen him in my store a few times, always a little... uncomfortable. One evening, I was in the front lobby disinfecting carts and baskets when he walked in. I’m holding a spray bottle and rag with nowhere to run and no counter between me and Creepy Dave. He walks in, stops, looks at me and smiles. That creepy smarmy smile. You know the one. And he says to me, “you gonna spray me down?” or something to that effect. I straight up said No. Because ew. To which his response is “You sure you don't wanna spray me off?”

In what universe is it okay to say that!? I MEAN REALLY??!

So, given my history with Creepy Dave, I don’t really tell anyone about it. He’s just creepy and there’s never consequences. Except... I don’t work at the auto parts store anymore.

Creepy Dave comes into the store again a few days later and I see him. He doesn’t see me. This time, I’m behind the counter in the bakery area and my manager is there. So I pull her aside quickly and ask if she’d be willing to deal with him because he makes me uncomfortable. (Side note about my manager. She’s amazing and I love her. She’s incredibly protective over her staff and she doesn’t take crap from anyone. She’s what I call a safe person that you just feel comfortable with.) She says of course she’ll deal with the creepy old man.

Once he leaves, she asks for an explanation. I give her the whole story, including what he’d said to me in the store lobby. She’s appalled. She asks me to write down, in as much detail as I remember, what happened and we’ll take it upstairs to our store manager so there can be documentation about the incident. I do and she runs the note upstairs. A few minutes later, she comes back and says Chris would like to see me. I felt like I was going to get in trouble, though I’d done nothing wrong.

I go upstairs and talk to Chris, explaining my history with Creepy Dave and everything. The response I got nearly had me in tears. “When you see him again, call for a manager and we’ll explain to him that it isn’t ok to talk to my employees like that. And if he does anything like that ever again, I’ll kick him out of my store. Don’t worry, Sam. We’ll pick up where your previous job failed.”

I was so conditioned to accept Creepy Dave’s behavior that it honestly never occurred to me to make a report. Nothing was ever done before and my level of discomfort never mattered. Until it did.

The reason I’m writing all this out is for you. Whoever you are, whatever your situation, you needed to see this. You needed someone to tell you that your voice matters. YOU matter. Inappropriate behavior in the workplace, whether from a coworker or a customer, isn’t okay. Actions have consequences. 

Let me say that one more time.

YOUR

VOICE

MATTERS

Don’t let something continue because it’s been allowed to continue before. Speak up and protect yourself. You’re worth protecting and are worthy of protecting. If the people around you don’t support you, find new people.

[theheroheart]

New Years Meme 2020

@arqueete:  “This survey is a meme that has been passed around among my friends since back in LJ days. If you want to join in, please consider yourself tagged.”

I used to journal more, and stuff like this is really nice to look back on, because I have terrible memory for life stuff or the passage of time. So here, for future me.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Uhhhh wear a mask to the grocery store? This was not a groundbreaking year for new experiences.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? I didn't have any. I don't make any. I mean, sometimes I make them in the vague "I want to focus on this in the future", but I'll already have forgotten by March, like I don't really PLAN my life in such a way. I just have goals that aren't tied to specific points in time. You get there when you get there, and you choose what you want to prioritise.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, but my brother got married, which was very exciting because he's 40 and has never had a girlfriend who he considered important enough for me to meet. (And my sister-in-law is delightful.)

4. Did anyone close to you die? My (half-)brother's dad died a few weeks ago (cancer), but I didn't really know him, so I wouldn't say he was close to me. I did spend almost a week at my brother's place to be there for him though. And honestly, I kept thinking about how my mom's dead this year, because in a way I'm glad we didn't have to deal with this year together. She already died from respitory failure, had poor impulse control and sense of safety, and I would've been CONSTANTLY worried about her.

5. What countries did you visit? I was gonna go to Malaysia (for my brother's wedding celebration), but that didn't happen. (Flatmates were gonna go to Japan.) So. Yeah. Home country all the way.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? A driving force to move forward in my life?

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I don't think... that there is one specific day? I guess the US election? Despite me being Norwegian, it's still fairly historic.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? /stares blankly at the wall I did do some nice art pieces? I coped? I managed to have good times and make friends despite everything else.

9. What was your biggest failure? I dropped out of two classes specifically because I couldn't do remote learning and self-structured study (BECAUSE ADHD YO), even though it wasn't even that HARD subjects, which was very frustrating. It hasn't set my study plan back, thankfully, but it still felt like a waste.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only mental. And thankfully not as bad as it could've been, but hell yeah there was some strong anxiety in there.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I've bought some great video games this year. Animal Crossing brought 250 hours of fun, Hades brought 100 hours so far. Good investments.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? // 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Both of these are related to pandemic behavior so I think you can guess.

14. Where did most of your money go? Entertainment? Also, god, I spent so much money on theatre tickets that are now just vouchers for non-specific future performances. I'll get my money's worth eventually, but right now it's hundres of dollars worth just sitting in vouchers. OH, and, digital D&D books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I had tickets for Chess. Several tickets, for multiple performances. STILL HAVEN'T SEEN THIS PRODUCTION THOUGH. But they're still doing it so hopefully it will still happen.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? Not sure I have any specific ones, actually. No iconic music.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Last year I was feeling very accomplished. I was challenging myself, had befriended lots of classmates, had gotten through some stuff I was quite proud of managing. This year has been... not that. But on the other hand, I'm not as exhausted from school stuff, and I'm ready to actually go places and try to do things, as opposed to just wanting a month long nap.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? General life maintainance stuff. Not just school work, but like, focus more on money sensibility and try to get on disability, go to the dentist, work with my doctor more... All of that got a little bit just... postponed indefinitely.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Uh, can't think of any notable negative behaviour. It's mostly stuff I didn't do. Like, I had some bad anxiety in the spring, but honestly I think I did an appropriate amount of worrying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Had my first christmas with my flatmates (whom I love very much), and had my dad over as well. It was very lovely, and socially way less draining than usual.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? lmao I'm aromantic

23. How many one-night stands? lmao I'm asexual

24. What was your favorite TV program? There were a few this year! Good Omens, The Queen's Gambit, Julie and the Phantoms, Avenue 5. There were more I watched and enjoyed, but I think those stand out the most. Also, does Critical Role count? OH, The Baby Sitters Club! A lot of good stuff.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nah. I don't hate a lot of people.

26. What was the best book you read? Don't think I read anything notable this year. Don't read a lot of books, I prefer to consume stories in other media.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Julie and the Phantoms. Not because the music is astounding or anything, but it was very feel-good and fun. Don't think I had a lot of new music.

28. What did you want and get? D&D campaigns? Have gotten really invested in one of them in particular, it's delightful.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Hmmm. The only one that stands out was The Old Guard. I watch more series than films. 2 hours isn't long enough for me to get properly invested AND satisfied.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 33 and I don't know that I did anything special. I think I just chilled? Flatmates made me a nice breakfast!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having the energy for essays/exams, probably. Just feeling like I actually had some accomplishments. OR LIKE. If Norway did like New Zealand and just wiped the virus out.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Pyjamas. Occasionally 'apocalypse chic'.

34. What kept you sane? My flatmates and my dad. Reliable social interaction with people I care about.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Matthew McNulty, which applies to every single year. But this year I started both a gallery website and a discord server for him, so it was a particularly good year for him.  (Special mention to Paul Spera, who I finally talked to face-to-face, through Zoom, but still.) Also I'm using 'fancy' platonically.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Ha aha hah all of them, oh god. BLM, probably, though. That was when I still had the energy to get invested.

37. Who did you miss? So many people. Like, come on. I don't know that it was even specific people so much just... being in a group? Like, my choir gang?

38. Who was the best new person you met? Met a guy I ended up playing a LOT of board games with. We haven't really talked in a few months now tho. And there's a friend I didn't MEET this year, but I really connected with, who's also now my DM, which was really nice.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: It's not necessarily new knowledge, but this year has really driven home the need for both community solidarity and governmental support/leadership.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I'm alone in my apartment, that means I can do anything / I'm not wearing pants (alone in my apartment - Brian David Gilbert)

Summary: It's been a conflicted year, a lot has felt like it's been on stand-still, but there's still been some good things in there.

[mbrainspaz]

2020 End of Year Survey

hooooooooo

boy 1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? survived a global pandemic for at least a year. ✌️ 2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No. I tried to make drawing more with my new ipad a resolution but that got a bit wrecked by Anxiety™ caused by Events™ 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yeah they keep on doing that. 4. Did anyone close to you die? Just friends of friends from covid19. Nobody I knew personally. 5. What countries did you visit? Hah.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? Just want to go back to that brewery in the woods and chill for days with everyone I've met since 2018 who hasn’t ghosted me yet. 7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory? January 5th I walked out of my dad's church for the last time because he decided to pick a fight about me just... drawing-- during the horribly sexist and uncomfortably nationalistic service. He said "don't [pay attention] on my account," and I realized I was just doing it for him, and what a waste of time and energy that was. That same day he told me to get rid of all my pets or get out of his apartment, and he knew damn well which I'd choose. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

✨ I lived bitch. ✨  9. What was your biggest failure? I regret not punching any racist trumpists or anti-maskers in the face. I’m just polite to a fault, what can I say 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Rehashed some old heartbreak a half-dozen times and got bit by a baby horse. Thanks to the (badly enforced) pandemic precautions and (minimally responsible) public mask-wearing I haven’t even gotten a head cold all year. It’s allowed me to build more muscle and endurance than I’ve ever had in my life.  11. What was the best thing you bought? The first home I've ever owned: a rusty old fifth wheel RV trailer we dubbed 'the Maushaus.' 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Still just me. Y'all need to step up someday. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? From excommunicating me for drawing too much and 'not praying enough' to voting for a fascist white supremacist asshole who spent the whole year trying to kill me with a plague, the fam really topped the charts for awfulness this year. Close behind them is every wine & paint customer who decided to show up without a mask and/or lecture me about their stupid conspiracies--and then didn’t even leave a tip. So, lots.  14. Where did most of your money go? Definitely the Maushaus. It's the most expensive thing I've ever bought at once. Actually it was cheaper than my car but I paid for that for 3 years. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? That time some ranch clients called me out of the blue and told me I was welcome to live on their property for free--that was cool. What was even cooler was making my mom eat her words about how 'god will provide', because she meant I'd magically find a rich man to marry or get a corporate job, not get invited to live on a ranch a couple miles away with even more animals.  16. What song/album will always remind you of 2020? Own Me - bülow Not Now - Ally Hills Harmony Hall - Vampire Weekend Something Has To Change - The Japanese House F2020- Avenue Beat Baby Outlaw - Elle King Don’t Stand So Close To Me - The Police Maybe You're The Reason - The Japanese House We Got It Wrong - St. Lucia Unbearably White - Vampire Weekend Bummerland - AJR Die Young - Grandson Waterfalls Coming Out Your Mouth - Glass Animals Come Along - Cosmo Sheldrake

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? ???????? this means nothing there is only survival. ii. thinner or fatter? even bufferer. iii. richer or poorer? richer, though it's more significant to say I'm rich enough currently to afford food that doesn't make me lose weight. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Spent time with human people. Not at the risk of giving them covid, just in an alternate reality where we could still go to pubs.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Been sad and alone. 20. How did you spend Christmas? At the grandparents' while mom zoomed from quarantine, dad lurked off camera somewhere, and little bro tuned in with his gf from the East Coast. I actually started the morning just cleaning some horse stalls off the clock in a santa hat for fun. 21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? My friends from other states where people were slightly more sane about the pandemic (so everywhere outside Texas). 22. Did you fall in love in 2020? Mmmm.... nope! Not even a little bit.

23. How many new pets in this last year? None, unless you count all the horses and sheep and dogs I look after on the ranch where I live now. I kinda do.

24. What was your favorite TV program?  I got really in to The Daily Show and Trevor Noah. Colbert too. And John Oliver. I watched a lot of political comedy garbage just to cope, basically. 😩 

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?  Saw a guy at work pick up his dog by one ear while she screamed in terror so yeah. I hate a guy now forever. So does my therapist. And she’s not scared of anybody so he’d better watch his back.

26. What was the best book you read?  I started reading the Temeraire series and I’ve enjoyed up to book... 3 I think? But the two new Dresden Files books were definitely a highlight of my year.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?  The Japanese House & Cosmo Sheldrake

28. What did you want and get? A new place to live.

29. What did you want and not get?  even an ounce of understanding, sympathy, or compassion from my family, particularly my dad.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?  Happiest Season. I’m not usually a Christmas movie guy but it just-- *chef’s kiss* -- just imagining being accepted by a family had me so emotionally wrecked ffs. I love it. And Kstew.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 28 - We had a BBQ outside my grandma’s house that awkwardly was also a father’s day thing where my dad showed up and I had to sit next to him while we pretended to be polite to each other while we ate beans. Then he apparently told mom he was sad because I didn’t get him anything so I made him a bowl of tapioca and I guess he didn’t hate it. But he still can’t talk to me without calling me crazy or going on a freaking pro-life rant or rambling about how god uses world leaders like Hitler or Trump as tools of divine providence. (To kill more people I guess? idk. By all accounts it doesn’t make sense.) 

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?  Getting to spend some time with my newer local friends.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Dusty Ass Enby Ranch Hobo

34. What kept you sane? Sane is still a stretch, but having money from a big art contract sure helped.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?  Nonesuch.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?  Never thought I’d spend so much of 2020 relentlessly fighting literal white supremacists but boy howdy-- I had to stop my gran from organizing a “white lives matter” parade TWICE.

37. Who did you miss?  Everybody.

38. Who was the best new person you met?  It’s wild to think I didn’t meet anyone new for a whole year but... I really didn’t? 

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020.  I can do it. I can do whatever it takes to survive. No limit. No end in sight. I can press on while the weight of it all breaks the minds of everybody around me. I can dispose of a body if I have to. I broke a long time ago and I just kept going anyway. I’m actually stronger than most. Everybody around me retreated into fictional simplified worlds in their heads while I fought every day for a year to keep not only me but ALSO THEM alive, despite their best efforts to self destruct. Never give up. Never surrender.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“Baby, I love you But that's not enough And pulling away has been unbearably buff I ran up the mountain Out of your sight The snow on the peak was just unbearably white

The city was freezing An elegant flow The wind at the doorway was unbearably cold You walked to the bedroom And sat down to write The page in your notebook was unbearably white

There's an avalanche coming Don't cover your eyes It's what you thought that you wanted It's still a surprise It's hard on the body It's hard on the mind To learn what kept us together, darling Is what kept us alive

Sooner or later The story gets told To tell it myself would be unbearably bold Presented with darkness We turn to the light Could've been smart, we're just unbearably bright

There's an avalanche coming Don't cover your eyes It's what you thought that you wanted It's still a surprise It's hard on the body It's hard on the mind To learn what kept us together, darling Is what kept us alive

Call it a day Call it a night Calloused and cold and just unbearably white”

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I Need to Talk About “Problematic Faves” within TWDG [3/?]

Character design, being drawn towards characters we find visually attractive, and how big of a role in plays in our feelings towards them.

“He's a murderer but like.... a cute murderer, y’know?”

This goes hand in hand with the whole first impressions thing we’re talking about, but rather than talking about the character’s traits, dialogue, history, and overall character, we’re talking about physical appearance.

This is something I want to touch on even though I already know the answer to it. It’s just a food for thought sort of idea that I wanted to explore given how much we talk about our favorite characters appearances while discussing them with one another.

Let’s face it: We’re all a little shallow at some point in our lives.

“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” is bullshit. I pick up that book in the first place because it’s pretty and has sprayed edges. The only reason I put it back it is because I can’t find an actual summary of the book because publishers think we want to read a bunch of “Best book of da year!” by Who The Fuck Cares written all over the place rather than an actual summary...

....What was my point?

Oh, right, character design.

When we’re first introduced to a character, we immediately make a judgement of them based off their looks.That’s not to say that our opinions remain the same based on our first impressions after only looking at them, but it’s something we do initially. 

Game developers, artists, writers, and directors will usually strive to make their characters as visually appealing to us as possible because that’s what makes us go “ohhh they pretty *picks thing up.*” 

There are issues that develop from this, such as unrealistic expectations of what true beauty is and how it actually affects the audience. After taking in so much of this content, I started to wonder if it had any affect on why we have “Problematic Faves” and if there IS something linked within the way we view them as physically attractive. 

While I believe that appearance is an important factor in character development and is what draws us to them, it’s also a bit more complicated than that.

One of the many things I adore about the final season is it’s character design for all the students at Ericson. All of the Ericson kiddos have their own unique looks and manners of which they hold themselves.

Sure we’ve got Louis and Violet, who we all gush about all the time on how beautiful they are. How many times have we talked about Louis’ freckles or Violet’s eyes or just how gosh darn pretty we think they are while incorporating it into writing our fanfics or headcanons or creating out artworks of them?

But what’s great is that they aren’t all “conveniently attractive” or someone a shallow Hollywood director would look at one time and say “there’s our star!”

Willy is a fan favorite among many in our community. What I love about his design is his teeth. He’s a kid growing up in the apocalypse without proper dental care. His teeth are crooked, there are gaps between them, and he’s even missing some. If that same Hollywood director were to look at him, they’d either slap some extreme braces on him or cast him as a tree troll. 

But not everyone has those perfectly straight pearly whites. Some of us have crooked teeth, or we’ve had painful braces to try and straighten them, or we’ve lost or broken a tooth at some point. You know how refreshing it is to see a character as likable as Willy show up with that smile of his while still being considered a fan favorite? 

Speaking of refreshing, what about Ruby? Everyone loves Ruby. She’s not tall and thin, she’s short and thicker. 

I remember seeing nasty posts questioning why someone like Aasim would have any interest in her because of the way she’s built, and that that pisses me off. 

It’s so damn great to see someone like Ruby portrayed the way she is in this game. As someone who IS more on the shorter and heavier side, it’s hard to find a character like this who doesn’t suddenly become slim therefore “prettier” over the course of the story or who isn’t a terrible or whose weight and build is all their character is. The last movie I watched that featured a plus size main character was that god awful Sierra Burgess movie on Netflix and that character made me want to punch things. 

All I can say is thank god for Ruby.

Speaking of which, how about Omar? He’s short and stocky, too, but y’know what? We made this dude a GOD. What does that tell you?

These are examples using more minor characters that fall into that non-”Problematic Fave” tier, but what about our characters that do?

I used to have a strong theory that some characters got more love and attention JUST because they’re more attractive to the audience, even if their character is boring, holds little to no plot relevance, or is an “evil” being beyond forgiveness.  

It’s a theory that I believe still holds some truth, though I think that truth lies more with the younger fans, or those who aren’t quite as mature. 

As someone who has worked around elementary school children, as well as 13-14 year olds, I think I can safely make the assumption that they tend to take things at face value a good chunk of the time.

Pretty person = Good!

Not pretty person = Bad!

That sort of deal. 

So, the question I pose is:

Does a character’s level of attractiveness have an effect on our willingness to forgive some of their more problematic behaviors?

I’m sure most of you read that and said “Uh, is this a trick question? No?”

When you think about the kinds of stories that we’re always told about the beautiful princesses who are pure and good and the ugly stepmothers who are evil and bad, it’s not hard to see why the younger ones would see things as more black and white rather than a shade of gray. 

If the pretty princess poisons her “evil” stepmother during their morning tea, how easily do we forgive her just because we’re told that she’s a pure, pretty princess? We know poisoning someone is bad, but... if the stepmother was ugly and evil, then the princess must have had a reason for doing this, right? So... it’s okay... right?

Is the princess justified in her actions, even if the stepmother wasn’t doing anything more than drinking her morning tea?

I look at that and say, “No,” whereas a much younger person might say, “Yeah. The stepmother was evil.” 

Young children are fascinating to talk to, by the way. They’re sponges who absorb knowledge like you wouldn’t believe but somehow they still take everything at that face value and believe whatever the “good” person says in a story until you help them see the bigger picture. That’s why they tend to be more susceptible to falling for twists. 

But once you explain to them the more complicated elements of the princess and the stepmother, they’re intelligent enough to grasp that the princess is wrong. 

I believe once we grow older and open ourselves up to more complex stories full of gray characters, learning about them through experience, we start to see that beauty isn’t just in the eye in the beholder, but also that it doesn’t mean shit at the end of the day. 

You can have the most beautiful person in the world be your main character, but if that beautiful person drowns a bag full of kittens, suddenly they aren’t so attractive, now are they?

One of a kid’s favorite example of a good-looking antagonist is Hans from Frozen. 

While I think the whole “he was actually evil the whole time haha we fooled you” thing in that movie is garbage, I give it credit for being the first exposure of this concept to young kids, sending them down a path of looking at different characters they see in a new light. 

We like characters who are attractive because, well, they’re attractive. But we’re  also mature enough to know that their attractiveness isn’t solely based on their appearance. It’s merely the seed that only grows with development, personality, and an arc. It only makes up a small portion of why we like a character in the first place. We know that just because someone is good-looking, it doesn’t justify their actions. 

But for those who are still growing out of those black and while fairy tales and just starting to expand their views of different characters while learning that looks can be deceiving, are they more likely to forgive a character or not fully understand that they’re in the wrong just because they’re visually pleasing? 

Another example outside of TWDG that I can give you is Nathan Prescott from the game Life is Strange. I’ve mentioned this game several times before, and even wrote a whole segment on it in my Louis and Violet essay from a while back. 

When I was a young lass, I picked up this game and really liked it. I wasn’t as into it as I am TWDG, but I liked it enough to play every episode as it came out and then check the tag to see what everyone thought. 

While browsing this tag, I noticed that a lot of the fan base seemed young. Makes sense, it IS a game starring teens set in an academy setting and I was young, too. 

But with that, one thing that always bothered me was how a number of young people talked about Nathan. 

Nathan who, if you haven’t played the game, is one of the antagonists. They would gush about this kid, seeming to make up excuses for the appalling things he did and it felt very tied to his looks. 

I’m sorry to any Life is Strange fans who might’ve been one of these young fans... but that really is the impression I got at the time.

Maybe I just didn’t get the hype about this dude who drugged girls so he could pose and take pictures of them because of his weirdly under-explained relationship with the surprise villain of the story, but he doesn’t seem like the type of guy to get all “Poor, precious, beautiful baby boi didn’t deserve this !” about. 

Then again, if writing this has taught me anything, I might have missed something by not being involved with that fandom, but what I gathered was that he didn’t become the redeemable character they all thought he would be and they didn’t like that, so it becomes harder to try and justify the things he did because he didn’t end up being good in the end even though they all thought he would be. I guess. 

But, gathering that a lot of them were so young and going off the content I predominately saw... I don’t know. It didn’t ever feel right. I had suspicions that lead to this theory. That’s what I’m saying. 

This can apply to other fandoms, too, where a group of people will take a character/person they find attractive and gush about how pretty they are rather than anything else that makes them interesting. Not everyone, of course, but I get the feeling you all know what I mean and have come across something like it before. I’m just trying to explain it. 

Or maybe it is just me and you have no idea what I’m talking about. 

Either way. 

Returning back to our “Problematic Faves,” lets ask this question about them in particular. 

How much of David’s attractiveness plays into my love of him? 

I mean, he’s not a bad looking dude. In fact, I dare say that the Garcia brothers are both very attractive guys. I give ‘em both a 10/10. 

But does that actually aid in my actual feelings towards him at all? 

What about the others we’ve talked about so far?

I don’t see many people talking about how pretty they think Kenny is... though his mustache IS majestic and that’s something we all agree on.

And Lilly’s okay. I guess. 

Nate could be a good-looking dude if he’d just put his crazy eyes away.

I believe our best bet it in getting a more clear answer to this question would to be take a quick look back at Minerva.

Remember how I said Minerva was so hyped up based on a two second appearance in the ep3 trailer? Granted, we did have more than JUST her appearance to form this hype around.... but admit it, a huge part of the hype was how good she looked.

She looked awesome.

Hell, just seeing her had me excited to see what she would do in ep3, even though I had the feeling she wouldn’t be an ally.

I used to have a hard time wrapping my head around why so many people love her as much as they do, and I previously thought it was based a lot on her appearance.

Is it ignorant and shallow of me to think y’all loved her based solely on her looks?

Probably. Yes. Yes, it was.

Now that I’ve looked into this further, I see that there’s more to the love and interest surrounding her, but..... it’s kind of what my first thought was? In the beginning? 

Either way, it’s still an interesting idea to consider when thinking about a character you love.

With that said, what if we apply this question to a character who is less of a “Problematic Fave” and more of my “God Tier Fave.”

You all know that Louis is my favorite character across ALL the games. My love for him is vibrant, but one of the many things I love about him IS his character design. He’s a visually appealing guy, and his personality, different traits, dialogue, flaws, and character arc only build onto the attractiveness of his character.

If Louis didn’t look like this, would I still love him?

Assuming that everything else about him is the same, then yeah. 

What if the developers went with the concept art of him that looked like a odd Harry Styles knockoff? Would I still love him?

Again, I want to say that I would, assuming that everything else about him be the same. But going with that certain concept art does take away an important aspect of his character and his relationship to Clementine.

Many of you have told me how much you appreciate the fact that Clementine and Louis represent a sweet, healthy black couple. That’s important to all of us. If we went with the first concept art, then that’s something we’d lose. Would we still ship clouis? Probably, but again, that important element and representation is lost and that would affect our overall opinion of it, even if just a bit.

But, what if Louis looked exactly as he does now, but were to do something awful? Would I still love him?

Well, my first instinct is to say, “Yes.”

In ep3, Louis tells us that he purposely broke up his parents marriage because his father wouldn’t let him take singing lessons. He broke into his father’s credit cards and made it look like he had a mistress, then made sure his mother knew about it. He did this over the course of a year. Then, when the divorce was finalized, he threw his father’s words back in his face: “You get to be happy or you get to be rich. You can’t be both.”

Knowing this, I still love Louis.

What he did was awful, but the reason I don’t hate him or even like him any less is because of how he acted while telling us. You can feel the guilt and remorse in his voice, the shame that he was once a person who thought that was okay to do.

He did that a long time ago, he learned from this terrible mistake he made, went as far as to punish himself by taking on a irresponsible, piano-playing jokester persona who anyone rarely ever took seriously. Louis changed for the better and he’s still a likable, relatable, lovably character despite this.

But in order to dig a little deeper into this idea of attractiveness and just how far we’ll go to try and justify a character based solely on their looks, I then thought:

 “Okay, then consider this: What if Louis and Minerva switched places with him doing all those things she did that made me dislike her? Would I still love him?”

And things got a little complicated.

Because my immediate first thought was “Yes.”

That shocked the hell out of me.

Why the fuck would I be okay with LOUIS acting the way Minerva did, but not MINERVA herself? That makes no sense.

Louis betraying us on the boat by knocking Clementine out and locking her in the cell isn’t suddenly okay because it’s LOUIS.

Louis showing up on the bridge to try and murder Tenn isn’t suddenly okay because it’s him and not MINERVA.

The reality is this: If Louis and Minerva traded places, I wouldn’t love Louis. I don’t care how attractive his character design is, I would feel the same way about him that I feel about Minerva. I love Louis for who he is within the context of the canon game, but if Louis traded places with Minerva, he wouldn’t be that Louis that I love.

The problem with asking myself this is I know Louis’ character and I want to think the best of him. I’m attached to him. I don’t want to imagine him doing anything that horrible because I know that would be an breaking of his character. His appearance has nothing to do with it. 

But my first instinct was to side with him. 

That’s when it all came together.

A character’s appearance is important in the first impression, but our perception of that character’s attractiveness is only elevated or lowered based on the important things: personality, backstory, relationships, flaws, fears, regrets, change, and complete character arc. 

So how does this apply to my love for David?

Well, it eliminates any possibility that I only like David just because he’s pretty.

Perhaps I’m not so shallow after all.

Yeah, that’s the conclusion of this segment: something I already knew. But, I felt it was a concept that could spark some thought about what attractiveness really means while debunking any idiots who may grasp at straws with the insult of, “You only like [blank] and excuse their toxicity because you think they’re hot!”

... except the Life is Strange community might come after me for implying a nicer version of that towards one of the antagonists... but hopefully you understand the point I was attempting to make in bringing that up as an example.

I like David’s design, but him being an attractive dude isn’t why I like him. If anything, his looks being appealing to my eye is at the end of my long, complicated list of why I like him.

Conclusion:

Looks matter initially, and our perception of a character’s attractiveness is either elevated or lowered based on the more important qualities of their character, problematic or otherwise.

[continued in 4/?]