#2016 was a wild year for me

[eden-regained]

If you think my Hunger Games fanfic from back then was odd wait till you hear about that time I made Murdoc go to Wonderland (no, he didn’t wear a dress but upon retrospect I should’ve given him one tbh)

[divorcedfiddleford]

You made a post saying “it has been zero days since our last alex hirsch hates ford so much bullshit” and i know it was mostly hyperbole, but you have some really good takes that I would love to be elaborated on in terms of how ford is written

it really wasn't hyperbolic. over the years he's just really shown a lot of hatred towards this one character.

content warning: discussion of abuse

i want to start with this clip from the commentary which i think of as a microcosm for how the writers and especially alex think about ford.

transcript:

rob renzetti: i mean he [mcgucket] should've basically knocked ford out, and... and destroyed the... you know, tied him up, and, destroyed... and... alex hirsch, speaking over him: yeah he should've beat ford with a wrench and taken this thing apart piece by piece! he's the one who understood how to built [sic] it, but...

... so that seems like a pretty violent course of action. shall we unpack that?

ford is a character who's pretty explicitly written as a victim of abuse, and who now has c-ptsd as a direct result of the abuse he experienced. alex hirsch believes that ford deserved everything bad that happened to him, that it's ford's own fault, and that he also deserved worse things to happen to him. this is why, given every narrative chance, alex hirsch has piled more suffering onto ford's plate. the biggest example of this i can think of is in the journal, when he wrote that fiddleford was actively erasing ford's memory (despite this being a massive timeline contradiction which i still refuse to accept). because god forbid ford even have one remotely healthy relationship with somebody. that would be too good for him. ford was manipulated and lied to by bill, but alex repeatedly compares him to icarus, a teenager whose demise was the result of his own ignorance. this comparison is still so fucking offensive to me. the sun did not lie to icarus, did not guarantee icarus all of the happiness and success and sense of belonging which he had been denied all his life, did not actively shut out the voices of those around him who would try to help him.

alex in general has a very strange relationship with abuse. he seems to get really upset when people read his characters as victims of abuse. the strongest instance of this is actually not with ford, it's with pacifica - especially in the nwmm episode commentary. the episode says "pacifica's parents have conditioned her to respond to a bell" and alex says people got "the wrong idea" about it. like. dude. what the fuck. you wrote abuse. even if you didn't mean to, that's what you wrote. you can't say people got "the wrong idea" just because you didn't think about the subtext of what you were writing. anyway, back to ford: i believe this extends to him as well. alex wanted to write a character who's a foil to stan and who was a selfish unlikable victim of his own arrogance. however that's not what he wrote. he somehow seemingly accidentally wrote a really compelling and relatable awesome autistic guy who had to fight for every good thing he he ever had in his life only for it to be taken from him every single time. but alex can't let go of seeing ford as just "the opposite of stan". when he talks about "how someone as smart as ford could fall for bill's tricks", he refuses to realize he wrote a situation in which a man was being psychologically manipulated and tortured.

it goes back further, too. people repeatedly theorized that filbrick was... not a very good father, to say the least. on top of the very explicit and canon fact that he threw one of his children out on the street (seriously, there is no defense for this), people pointed out that stan would flinch at filbrick, that ford seemed upset by things filbrick said but dared not talk back, that filbrick was mad at stan not for hurting his brother, but for "costing the family potential millions". but alex can't have people seeing ford as sympathetic. ford can't have it bad like stan did. ford had to have everything and he lost it all because he sucks so much. so he wrote the graphic novel story where ford is filbrick's favorite child and filbrick also is not even a bad parent you guys he's just stoic. ignore the whole thing in dreamscaperers where stan perpetuates the abuse that filbrick did to him. ignore the fact that ford was shouting at stan and then completely shut up as soon as filbrick entered the room and did not say another word for the rest of the night. ignore all that because i just made up this story where he cries at a present from stan. filbrick loved his boys for sure you guys!!!

i'm not even touching on how alex repeatedly villainizes traits commonly associated with mental illness and neurodivergence. ford's hypervigilance becomes arrogance. his passion for knowledge means he's a know-it-all. his difficulty socializing and making friends means he's a misanthrope. his lingering resentment for the way he was raised means he hates his brother and is the worst human being to ever have lived. i could go on, go even further into how the finale reaffirms this, but i feel weird talking about this too much.

[girlboyburger]

wish i had a consistent character to show for this, but since i don't i just used icons :0]

blank template for those that want it under the cut

[lululawrence]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2023

Thank you for tagging me @allwaswell16! I am so happy every year that this (I believe) brainchild of @juliusschmidt's from 2016 still exists in various forms! hehe I apparently missed doing this in 2021 and 2022, and I was determined not to miss it again so here we go!

List of works published this year: My Other Half Was You Gemma's Dad (Could Use A Guy Like Me) Quite the Pickle Livin' In A Daydream (Gimme a Solution and) Watch Me Run With It You Are A Song Did You Know I Fit In A Dryer? Were You There On That Christmas Night? Team Gaelic FTW No Constraints Odds Are That We Will Probably Be... Damsel in Christmas Distress Snow In Love

Work you are most proud of (and why): Oof. This is always such a hard question to answer. Almost as hard as the next one, and the next one and the next one....... hah honestly though, I think... I'm honestly sincerely proud of most of my fics from this year simply because I got them written. I'll go more into that later, I'm sure, but maybe... I think maybe My Other Half Was You or Odds Are That We Will Probably Be... and for very different reasons. My Other Half Was You was written based on artwork by @moon-sun-thyme for @1dreversebang and the moment I saw her artwork I had these vague ideas coming to mind and I am quite proud with how I was able to bring them to life so closely resembling what I originally thought of when I saw the art. And for Odds Are, I wrote that for @1dtrickortreatfest so it had to be exactly 666 words and that's always a trick (heh), but in this case I had to completely world build and set up the situation and lead everyone to the conclusion within that word count while making it somewhat compelling... and I think I was able to manage it. I hope I was, anyway haha

Work you are least proud of (and why): lmaooooo usually this answer is really hard for me to answer, but this year it's not haha i have a few fics that I literally wrote to just remind myself that I could. That not everything has to be thought out and polished and pretty, sometimes it's just a matter of getting words on paper and putting them out into the world immediately, hoping for the best, and they absolutely served their purpose! I'm fond of them still, but that doesn't mean I'm proud of them necessarily haha So I would have to say Damsel in Christmas Distress (which I still love dearly, simply for how self indulgent that silly thing is for me haha) and Quite the Pickle. Again, my darling Stylinshaw fics getting the brunt of it here, but they did as they needed to for me. I'll maybe try to write them a longer, more polished fic with some thought behind it this year, as they clearly deserve.

A favorite excerpt of your writing: GAHHHH I hate this question every damn time! Okay, I don't know if this is my absolute favorite thing I wrote this year, BUT it immediately came to mind, and I do very much like it so, here's an excerpt from Gemma's Dad (Could Use A Guy Like Me). I just adore Harry being a fumbling idiot around a pretty boy hahaha Ever since he had dug up his garden, he preferred to start in the back where the job was a lot more complicated to work around and then move to the front, which was far easier.  Now, though, Harry was wondering if this was the right decision because Louis was also mowing his lawn. That wasn’t a problem, of course, except he was shirtless and that only defined for Harry the fact he really had grown up. Louis used to try to show off for the neighborhood by mowing any number of lawns shirtless in middle school and high school, but he had been a scrawny kid with little to no meat on his bones and Harry had thought it adorable back then. Now, on a sweltering day like it was, he was probably shirtless just to be as cool as possible as the sun beat down on him, and Harry’s vision wasn’t as good as it used to be, but he could still tell that Louis had filled out since going to college. He was still a thin man, but as he pushed the mower through the tall grass, Harry could see the muscles he clearly put effort into. Add to it the chest hair that was only growing darker as he continued to sweat and the smattering of tattoos he’d gotten since he turned eighteen and it was clear he had grown up. Harry couldn’t help it when the glint of the sun off Louis’ sweaty skin made him lick his lips without even thinking. Clearing his throat and thankful it was obvious Louis was too focused to notice Harry ogling him from his own yard, Harry pulled the starter and began to work on his own yard.

Share or describe a favorite review you received: I've got three that immediately came to mind, so excuse me while I mention all three as quickly as I can manage lol First was from @allwaswell16 for Gemma's Dad. I'd had a lot of difficulty with a someone reading motivations and meaning in the characters and story that I took a lot of care in ensuring were actually avoided as I wrote it. There were a lot of pitfalls I could have fallen into when writing the fic, but one person just kept asking over and over again for things I thought I had already done and my beta assured me I had sufficiently covered etc, but I still worried so when Anitra gave the review she did of it on her podcast, it literally made me cry a little bit lol Second was @londonfoginacup in response to (Gimme a Solution and) Watch Me Run With It when she commented "Ah so you really just tore your chest open and picked out your beating heart and handed it to me here, didn’t you" because... well I hadn't really considered it when I'd been writing the fic, but I guess I kind of did exactly that, yeah. haha And then lastly I want to thank @tommokat for their lovely comments on Snow In Love regarding the Michigan geography and freak lake effect snow that can be experienced there because I tried my very best to describe the absolute chaos that is that region in the wintertime and they basically affirmed that I had accurately captured it. Genuinely, the best gift I could have gotten haha

A time when writing was really, really hard: Excuse me while I laugh a bit hysterically until I cry alksdhglskfja The last year or two have been incredibly difficult for a whole host of reasons, but the ones that most affected my writing were my lingering (and seemingly unending) burnout combined with an absolute lack of time/energy available to write. There were so many times this year that I thought I wouldn't be able to do it or thought I'd have to pull out of various fests and just... cut down on things, but I kept pushing and kept trying and I did it. I'm so fucking proud of myself, honestly.

A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Jordan North in Did You Know I Fit In A Dryer? Well, honestly, Louis in that fic too. And the entire premise of the fic. Really all of it surprised me lololol I never expected to write Jordan in a fic. Ever. hahahaa And as I've barely dabbled in a couple of weed candies is all, I certainly did not anticipate ever writing someone as THAT HIGH. sooooo...yeah just all of it hahaha

How did you grow as a writer this year: Psh. Bold of you to assume I've grown as a writer this year when I was merely doing what I could to survive haha if anything I kind of wonder if I went backwards in my writing abilities but who the fuck knows, really haha

How do you hope to grow next year: I just... I dunno man. I just kinda hope I'm in a better place this time next year so I'm just not so fucking tired all the time and so I have actual time to write, you know? lol continued good vibes are always welcome here, folks haha

Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): Like... everyone. hah I'm getting a little emotional thinking of everyone who helped me keep going this year. but the greatest? probably @londonfoginacup again. She was the biggest influence in actually getting my Big Bang finished because I didn't want to disappoint her (even though?? I know I won't??? like.. anyway) haha and then I wrote like three fics for her/dedicated them to her just because... like. she keeps me going some days honestly so yeah. Emmu. You're the bestest always babes. Love you.

Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Listen, all I'm saying is in one of my fics it hits a little too close to home. Like I kind of wrote Harry's starting place... and kinda where he is for a lot of the fic... pretty much exactly how I was feeling, and still pretty much am, though for very different reasons. So it's maybe a little too much of my real life emotionally speaking in there yeah

Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: New? Not so much hahaha just don't give up!

Any new projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: YES. I was just talking with @moon-sun-thyme this morning that I started the year by posting a fic based on her art, and I'm going out of this year focusing on the fic we will be collaborating on together for the @onedirectionbigbang hehe so I'm very very excited to get started on that one. It's a fic I've been wanting to write almost ever since I first heard the song Satellite, so I am READY to delve in and lose myself to it, honestly. In the whole... one night every week or two I have to write. hahaha Here's hoping I make the deadline haaaaa

Tag three writers whose answers you'd like to read: MAN I have no idea who has and hasn't done this yet! So maybeeeee @justanothershadeofblue, @hellolovers13, anddddd @quotefromthatshow and @louandhazaf if you haven't done it already and want to! And shh I know it’s four but who cares lolol

*All answers should be about fics posted in 2023

Past Years: 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 and 2020 | 2022(ish)

[dexaroth]

found two references to alucard/hellsing in the wild browsing neocities today. cracy.

[colorstormx]

what if I renamed Storm as Zephyr instead. what if I renamed myself Zephyr. hmm. hmmmmmm.

[yeonban]

I was joking around about marriage in the last post and everything but then I realized in all of my years as a rper on tumblr (10) I have only once rped a wedding, and only thrice a marriage proposal... that's flabbergasting.

[thethingything]

apparently now we get to have flashbacks to the weird period between mid 2015 and late 2016 where our mental health took some absolutely wild hits, plus the odd flashback to mid 2017, so I guess it's time to deal with this stuff again

[doolallymagpie]

at this point i just want to study the people who still make it a Thing to hate ghostbusters ‘16

[strangerbis-alt]

I honestly love the byler community here on tumblr so much!! I've only been here since June and only really been posting since July but I think this is one of the best fandom communities I been apart of! We been through so many highs and absolutely insane lows (which we'll hopefully learn from), but somehow manage to stay positive overall as a community!

So thank you to everyone who has made this place somewhere I look forward to come on everyday! I don't know what's going to happen in the next 2 years, but I'm definitely excited to see! As always crazy together!

[molkolsdal]

Going through my old chats on this site and my heart hurts even more now

[gaygollum]

watching tv is like its good but its not agents of shield season 4 episode 15 “self control”

[moss-sprouted]

huh i just realized i think odd number years are really unlucky for me

i dont think even numbers are particularly more lucky, but im realizing a lot of my bad years are odd numbers and the even ones are less bad

2013 was when i was groomed and had basically no one after my first real breakup, 2015 was when we were evicted from a house we lived in for years, 2017 is when my sister ran away and i got dumped 3 times, 2019 i was in a few toxic situations and ended a relationship for a bit, 2021 i had a psychotic break and ended up ruining 2 relationships, and 2023 i have been having health crisis after health crisis and our entire house has decided to break

like the even numbers werent great either but they Have been better, or had a couple led bad things but werent constant, though i guess they were often bad for the rest of the world (2016,2020, etc) and a few bad things Did happen in those years but they werent as consistently horrible

but 2022 i felt happier and got to do a lot of stuff i enjoy, 2020 is when i met my current partner and a lot of friends even if i dont talk to many of them anymore, i think 2018 was mostly chill and the ones before then

well, that gives me hope 2024 will be better, or less traumatizing

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

I promised you some lions! Let's talk about manes, males, and management.

This is Tandie, the current male lion at the Woodland Park Zoo.

Notice anything odd about him? He's got one of those hilarious awkward teenager manes. Except... this cat is nine years old.

I was, of course, immediately curious.

Manes serve a lot of purposes for male lions, including being an indicator of health and fitness - it's actually a sexually selected trait and a social signal. Mane texture / hair quality / length is dependent on nutrition and the body having energy to grow (and carry around!) that much hair! The color is also a signal: males with darker manes have been found to have higher testosterone levels.

In one research report, wild males were much more likely to avoid a lion decoy when it had a longer or darker mane - but the girls really loved a dark mane. It's thought this is because a long, dark mane is an indicator of mate quality. Males with longer, darker manes have higher testosterone and were pretty healthy: meaning they had more energy for fighting, had a better chance of recovering if they got injured, and generally had a higher rate of offspring survival. Manes matter!

So, back to Tandie. He was actually born at the Woodland Park Zoo in 2014 alongside two brothers, to dad Xerxes and mother Adia.

This was Xerxes (rip).

Obviously, a very large, dark, lush mane on Xerxes here. So where did these blond muttonchops come from on his son?

I asked the zoo docents and got an answer that didn't make a lot of sense. They told me that after the three cubs grew into adolescents, they were moved to the Oakland Zoo together. But living together suppressed his testosterone, and he never grew a mane.

Hmmmm.

Here's a photo from 2016, when the brothers debuted at Oakland. They're a year and a half old in this photo.

(Photo Credit: Oakland Zoo)

And here's from an announcement for their third birthday.

(Photo credit: Oakland Zoo)

Okay, so these dudes obviously all were growing manes as of 2017. I think Tandie is the one on the left in the first photo, and laying down in the middle on the second. What happened?

I was just in the Bay Area for a zoo road trip, of course I went to Oakland and tracked down a docent to ask some questions.

It turns out that shortly after the brothers turned three, they started acting like adult male lions: they started scuffling regularly. It's a normal social thing for male lions to live in groups, called coalitions, but according to my lion experts there's generally a baseline level of some social jostling within them. It wasn't quite clear from what the docent said if they couldn't manage the boys together, or if they just wanted to avoid the scratches and small wounds that result from normal lion behavior. Regardless, they put all three of the boys on testosterone blockers in order to be able to keep them together as a social group.

Now, I don't know a lot about the use of hormone alteration as a form of captive animal management, except in the case of birth control. I don't think it's something that's unethical - there was just a webinar on it that I saw go by - but I don't think it's commonly done with big cats. Lions have kind of complicated reproductive cycles, and for instance, we've been learning that female lions can take much longer to come into estrus again than expected after coming off hormonal birth control.

In males, testosterone blockers (or being neutered) means they lose their manes. This is why a lot of rescues will do a vasectomy on their males instead of a neuter - it allows them to keep their mane and the social signals that accompany it.

Tandie returned home to Woodland Park Zoo after Xerxes passed in early 2022, and the docent told me all of the lions had been off their blockers "for while." I'd guess those things happened around the same time, since bringing the trio down to a duo at Oakland would reduce some of the social tensions.

Hormones are such interesting things, though. One of Tandie's brothers has a full mane again, and the other is still totally mane-less.

As for Tandie, his mane is growing back in, and it looks like he might rival his dad for length and coloration.

He started here, in February:

Yesterday:

What a difference four months (and maybe proximity to a girl) makes!

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

I will read anything Jeff Lemire writes and I do think hes a good writer but I still standby hes kind of bad at endings and goes too hard on retcons

[freeingalexandra]

It began on a random night in 2014. When I learned that you could be transgender, that the dreams and visions I had had were not only feasible but a reality many folks lived. My hrt journey started in 2016 but my trials and tribulations to learn, understand, and mold womanhood into what truly incorporates my identity began in 2021.

It was no longer about what medications could do for me, but the evolution and growth I could achieve by my own hands. I found womanhood as a black woman, fighting against social norms and perceptions that already percieved me as highly masculine and hyper-sexualized. Having to writhe, rumble, and generally fight to be seen and heard is never a reality I would've imagined. However, 7 years later, I am the most beautiful and charismatic black woman I had ever dreamed I would be. I'm wise as my aunt is, navigating social situations with the grace and finesse she bears, I am as confident as a wild storm, bending to the will of no one and carving the path that I am destined.

When I was in my adolescence, I dreamed of becoming a charismatic, influential, and beautiful black woman. I am now 24 feeling as if I finally made it. I'm the person I only ever hoped I would blossom into; the person that I envisioned when I read on tumblr that "things get better". If you are reading this, pre social or medical transition or shivering in fear of what being a transgender woman would mean for you, your safety, and your future, I want you to know that I made it. I survived passed the life expectancy of a black transgender woman and I am fucking thriving despite the adversities and walls set against me. Love yourself, embrace your truth, and let no one dictate who or what you will blossom into.

- Noelle Velora Perera